#me if i had way more confidence tbh
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My housemate is moving out in January
She told us this a week or two ago, when she sat down and, after sitting with us watching TV for over an hour, said "hey so I bought a house and I'm moving out. We agreed on 2 months notice so I won't move until the end of January."
The last time she talked in the immediate terms about buying a house was in 2021, when the sale she was working on fell though and she was unemployed so it was a "when I'm back in a position to look I'll start looking again." Since then I've occasionally asked her how she's doing on the house buying front and she's been like "oh I'm getting there financially" but hasn't mentioned anything concrete.
She didn't tell us she was looking at places. She didn't tell us she had put in an offer. She told us when the offer was finalised. A week AFTER she emailed the letting agent about getting out of her part of the lease. And, it increasingly feels like, only because the letting agent's response was that we had to agree to change the lease.
The letting agent's response (which our housemate obviously didn't copy us into; we had to follow up separately and they copied us into the email chain) also includes that when we change the lease, they're empowered to change the rent, quote, "no cap". Rent was already going up in January - there's no possibility of Sam and I paying her share of the rent.
The really fucking upsetting thing is we're not strangers. This isn't a casual "housemate we found on flatshare" thing. She and Sam have lived together literally their entire adult lives. Me and her have known each other well over a decade. I lived in her and Sam's flat when I was homeless. We were the first people she came out to as trans. We're not super close but I thought we were fucking friends. And she's literally gone out of her way to not talk to us about this for what must have been months while the sale completed - which means she's lied to my face at least once cause I've asked her about her finances in that time (cause she's in a job she hates that she only took to get the house money, so it's like. when we've been commiserating about work stuff I'm often asking 'are you almost free?'). she literally went out of her way to talk to the letting agents before talking to us about putting us in a situation where we could lose our fucking home.
And she keeps. trying. to pretend nothing's happened. Every time I've seen her since then she's not mentioned anything or apologised or anything, she just keeps chatting away and offering hugs and fistbumps like nothing's happened. Like we're still fucking friends.
All it would take for us to still be friends and to be happy for her would have been one fucking sentence in the groupchat like "hey, just put an offer in on a house" or "I'm looking at properties, just so you know, that might happen in the next few months". Like nobody begrudges her for buying a house! It's very cool for her! She's 31 she's worked really hard to get the money I would love to be happy for her! Unfortunately she decided avoiding conflict is more important than giving the people she fucking LIVES WITH (who btw fronted her a month on the rent here while she was unemployed and agreed to take on a larger proportion of the move-in cost back in 2021, if we're still holding ourselves to shit we said 2.5 years ago), so no, you are not entitled to our friendship or to going back to normal.
like if she'd been honest with us it would have been something to process but we'd have had time to figure out our next steps. instead she's left us in a position where we have to find a new roommate before she gives her one month notice, which means finding someone by the end of December, which oh look that's the middle of the fucking Christmas holidays. and she didn't tell us anything until the START of December, or copy us into her conversation with the letting agent, meaning we still don't know what the rent on that space will be so we aren't yet in a position to advertise it. Has she offered to help find a roommate? Has she fuck. Has she offered to help out by moving her move-out date? Nah, she's moving as soon as she gets the keys because, quote, "that means her finances won't have to change". SOUNDS LOVELY. NOT HAVING YOUR FINANCES SUDDENLY CHANGE. I THINK THAT SOUNDS LIKE A REALLY REASONABLE FUCKING GOAL.
Thirteen fucking years she's lived with Sam. Four fucking weeks over Christmas she's left us to figure out a way to not turbofuck our living situation. And she's got the fucking nerve to try and pretend we should be interacting like nothing's changed. Jesus Christ. What a fucking unhinged way to treat...anybody, honestly. never mind the friends-your-entire-adult-life part. literally cannot imagine a scenario in which I would buy a house without telling the people I lived with.
(haha actually this is what my parents divorced over so apparently it's not unusual. although at least my dad had the decency to tell the woman he shared finances with at the point he put in an offer not the point the fucking sale went through.)
Like we'll be fine. It's a huge city centre flat with decent rent and queer housemates, hopefully even when the rent goes up it'll be an easy sell in a city with a huge housing shortage and big queer community. We've got a couple of people interested already, sight unseen - worst case scenario we have to live with someone we don't get on with. And it's given Sam and me a push to look at our own finances and as of today, we've got a mortgage decision in principle and can start looking at flats in the area - mind, we'll be transparent upfront and tell any prospective housemates that yeah, we're looking to buy and move out in the next 6-12 months, and we'll tell them if we put an offer in, because we're decent fucking people who aren't going to spring that on someone out of the blue.
But it's been I think 2 weeks and I'm so fucking angry I could spit. It's such a fucking betrayal. And frankly you know selfishly like. I just had a breakup a couple of months ago, I'm in the middle of moving jobs, both me and Sam have a history of housing instability and this has been the first decent, stable, safe, not-mouldy not-freezing home I think any of us have had, and this is so fucking triggering and upscuttling I could just start biting. like I was talking to my friend about it last week and it's just like. Can I have One Fucking Thing of the three main tentpoles of survival - home, work, relationships - that are fucking stable right now? because shit has been In Flux lately. and at least the work and relationship stuff has changed because of my decisions. going through all that work to make myself short-term unstable to gain long-term stability has been really hard and draining and then just as I was reaching the crisis point with work stuff BOOM, IT'S HOUSING INSTABILITY WITH A STEEL CHAIR. fuck. seriously fuck this and fuck her. we're going to make something good come of it but what a deeply, unbelievably shitty thing to do.
#red said#the other thing that bugs me about it is. ok and again this is old shit dredged back to 2021 when we moved in together#but i had my housemate. and Sam had her. and each of us were really close pairs who'd lived together a long time#and we tried looking for flats as a four but a) a flat with 4 good sized bedrooms in Edinburgh is hens teeth#and b) my housemate was pretty happy to live with me and Sam but increasingly felt like a 4 man flat was going to be a lot for him#and so in the end we talked about it. and through a combination of that and same housemate being in a pretty#unfavorable position housing wise. cause she was unemployed and had shit credit at that moment.#we agreed she'd move with us and Joe went and found a one bed#and in the end that's been really great for him tbh he's a lot happier and more confident and we were pretty sick of each other by then#and so we get on much better now#but at the time it was a real heartache i felt like I'd let Joe down i felt like our friendship was over#and honestly I have never been a huge fan of living with our current housemate. even before we lived here#like when i was staying with her and Sam too. she's incredibly messy and takes up a lot of space in conversations#I've always liked her as a person but she's exhausting and often unpleasant to share space with#and there's a bit of me that's like. we bent over backwards to accommodate you when you were precarious.#like it would have been WAY easier for us to look for a 2-bed during 2021. and if it was a 3-bed I'd have rather stayed with Joe.#but we moved with her for her sake. and she left Sam to clean up their old place (and there were Literal Rats)#and she got really pissy about driving the moving van even though a) that was her idea and b) she's the only person with a license#and c) i walked all MY shit over by hand anyway and the only reason she hired the van was to move her tv#me and Sam found all the core furniture. me and Sam sorted out all the viewings. me and Sam did all the planning. Sam set up all the bills.#we spotted her for rent!we took a bigger share of the costs! because we fucking cared about her and wanted her to have a fucking home!#and she can't even do us the courtesy you'd offer a fucking lodger you found on fucking gumtree
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Denziman vs Datolar
#denziman#sentai#smiled this whole fight tbh such a fun way to use the location#no one used any of their stock footage special moves (until the finisher but even then most of that was new)#the whole gang has this cheeky confidence about them#they've had no real guidance and the only ones with formal combat training are red and green#but it feels like everyones gotten good at what they do - like the teams really grown as a unit#they've really hit their stride - we've gotten the average deathcount per episode down significantly and i've never been more proud#i'm very worried that the 'mid season confidence coming back to bite you in the ass' trend doesnt come back to bite me in the ass rn#after metalder and flashman (and amazon to an extent) i really just need a show that lets the good guys stay winning for a lil while#denziwatching#side note but while the characters are all pretty one note/very standard in terms of stand out/memorable traits#i think the actors are all doing a really good job in terms of just absolutly oozing personality
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not "i can do better" or even "i deserve better" per se, because i can't really believe that, but an inexplicable third reason i won't settle for a relationship where my level of care, effort, and sacrifice isn't reciprocated <3
#can't really explain why#it's a feeling like i want to say i deserve better but i always feel fundamentally unworthy of love so that's not it#and it's definitely not confidence that i can actually find someone willing to treat me better bc i often think i'll end up alone#but its a feeling like i would rather be alone than with someone who doesn't treat me the way i want to be treated#and i'm not saying this guy was cruel or bad in any way he just chose himself over me and didn't prioritize me#to the point that he broke up with me to make more time for his hobbies#and i don't need to be someone's absolute number 1 priority especially early in a relationship#but i feel like the relationship should be somewhere close to the top of the list#at least between career and skiing#not like i wanted or ever asked him to stop skiing#but he was aware that he was choosing to spend his time off doing that rather than seeing me#and im not even upset about that#honestly it was the entire days he spent in bed watching tv including the last day of break before we both went back to work#where he was too exhausted or lazy to want to see me even when i offered to come over#maybe it's not that i personally deserve better than that but i feel like everyone deserves better than that#anyway no point really but i cant quite put into words why i'm so okay with this breakup but this has something to do with it#i won't settle for not being a priority even if that means i end up alone#which is a nice feeling bc in the midst of it i was so patient and willing to put up with it#like oh he just needs time and if i out up with it and i'm not clingy then he'll love me and i'll become a priority#but even early in a relationship getting to know someone takes a willingness to prioritize doing that and make time for them#like i didn't need to see him every day but we had two entire weeks off from work and i saw him 4 times#and only 3 of those were actual dates#and i'm not mad at him i just accept that he's not really capable of having a relationship with anyone until he matures a lot#he didn't set out to hurt me or anything he's just immature and a bit selfish but i'm sure he doesn't even know that#but i'm glad it happened bc now i know what my standards are tbh#this has been a shitpost
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Ya know. I spent most of my life with horrible painful soul-crushing social anxiety.
And after about 25 years of continuous hard work, suddenly, people started pointing out - to my utter bafflement - that I had, in fact, achieved my lifelong dream of being charismatic. I'm 29 now; I feel comfortable in most social situations, and it is a very rare person whom I cannot make laugh.
I am, undoubtedly, finally, charismatic.
But do you know what I found?
I found that now that I have an understanding of which social rules serve which functions -- Now that I have an understanding of just how much damage my awkwardness was doing to people, well,
I found that, actually, my awkwardness never really hurt anyone at all. People were just judgmental dicks to me about it.
Now that I have the skill-level to (most of the time) creatively vocalize what is in my head as soon as I think it and without fear, I can confirm once and for all what I had always suspected:
I was worth talking to when I was quiet.
I was worth talking to when I was awkward, and when the words in my head took time and patience to hear, and when most of my jokes didn't land. I was worth talking to the whole time.
So I just... I hope that if you've ever wondered whether you are worth communicating with, the answer is yes. Absolutely yes. Each of us has a soul worth sharing - and if you and I were talking, I would happily wait for you to speak (or communicate in other ways) without condescending, and I would never shame you for that harmless awkwardness that so many people feel the need to violently stomp out.
You are worth talking to. You just are. And you deserve people who will speak to you with kindness, with patience, and with the basic immutable respect owed to all people.
(I talk about this with some frequency, both on tumblr and in real life. At some point, maybe I'll gather all my thoughts on the matter into one post. At some point, I wrote about my personal experience trying to build my social skill. But I felt the need to say at least a little bit tonight after seeing this other lovely post, and I'm glad I did. It will happen again.)
#original#social anxiety#autism#that one post#actually autistic#self-diagnosis is valid - in case that last tag implies otherwise to anyone. i think it just denotes i am an autistic and not just an ally.#social skills#socially awkward#socially anxious#autistic positivity#autism positivity#like actually genuinely who does it hurt if i tell a joke that doesn't land? esp if the joke is not about another person#this is not a live comedy show this is life ya gotta learn to say 'ah well they can't all be golden!'#which btw is a line i use when my own jokes don't land and it usually plays pretty well actually. i've got a higher hit rate but#genuinely they just can't all be good! anyway i go into that in the post linked at the end there i think#people can tell when you're not sure of yourself socially and a lot of folks instinctively use that against you. and i am here to say that#it's fucked up that they are doing that and they need to step off actually. imagine getting to decide on which social cues are#acceptable and then using that power to be unkind. fuckin gross. i regret so deeply each time in my life i have made that choice.#being a kid who is abused like that so often it was eager to power trip when i met kids more awkward than myself. but it was wrong#and i regret it. and i am proud to say i haven't done that in a long time and instead when i find myself with that power i try to say#actually what do YOU want? to the people shyer than me.#i'm pretty rad now is what i'm saying lol#like all the ways that having a good social stat has improved my life just made me realize what bullshit it is that this was necessary#doing what I did is not desirable or possible for everyone. they deserve just as much out of life as i do.#side note: i think I've actually surpassed a lot of neurotypicals who had never even had to think about social rules 🤣.#like I feel no competition with other people who have struggled socially but now that I'm more charming than people who were dicks to me#I do feel like fuck you!! I win!!!! I can finally see enough of the full picture to say that your arbitrary rules were FUCKING ARBITRARY#I'm also aware of the fact that not everyone finds me charismatic but i am. in all the ways that matter to me. and I'm still growing!#note to future jack: you did save these posts in your notes app on the day this was written.#tbh i am often still awkward i am just not sorry anymore if i'm not hurting ppl. 'confident and awkward' really throws 'em for a loop! XD
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Every once in a while, I'd remember @spiritpyro's Hayate mentioning in his internal monologue that he likes everything about Vivian, including even her personality and her speech patterns, which to this day, makes me emotional, because as a character, Vivian has gone through a lot... from characters getting pissed off at her for saying the wrong thing (thereby ending a thread prematurely) to characters outright not getting her humour and claiming she's unkind, even though it hadn't been her intention to offend them.
Granted, I don't really treat those as canon occurrences, because I'm not really a single verse blog, so any interactions from partners who have broken mutuals with me/deactivated/didn't follow me on my remade blog are null and void (meaning as far as Vivian is concerned, they have never occurred and will no longer be referenced in any threads/headcanon posts except for this one), but at the same time, I will lay in bed at night sometimes... and have this startling revelation that the way Vivian had been treated remarkably mirrors the experiences of most autistic people I've read about/heard from. Honestly, it's astounding to me how many on Reddit would describe similar struggles/feelings she also has, to the point where even though the RPC has a general distaste for slice-of-life muses, I still take comfort in the fact she is at least relatable.
Like, yeah, I might not be the most descriptive/poetic writer on this godforsaken site, but in my opinion, my characterization is where my writing truly shines best... and so, Hayate catching feelings for Vivian (despite me portraying both her flawed and endearing sides as a young, neurodivergent woman in her early twenties) is such a memorable thing to me, that I would find myself occasionally thinking about it even while I'm at work. I mean, granted, Vivian is nowhere near as dysfunctional as the main female lead from Asper Kanojo (That's My Atypical Girl), but it cannot be denied she is still very hard to love... to the point where Hayate pretty much fell out of love with her in an alternate universe.
Either way, it honestly hurt me on a deep, visceral level when Hayate was like, 'Fucking think before you speak', when they fought that one time, because autistic people will commonly be told that at some point in their lives... furthermore, Vivian had to hear that from someone she loves, so I can only imagine how betrayed she must have felt, especially since she already tries super hard when it comes to explaining things from her point of view and can only process her thoughts when speaking them due in part to her disability.
At the same time, though, it also makes me think that in the event Vivian and Hayate would romantically be together, this would realistically be a reoccurring issue within their relationship, where every time they would argue, she'd utter out stuff that would potentially annoy him, because according to Hayate, Vivian probably doesn't put a lot of thought into her words... so there would be instances where she would view him as an absolute alien. Still, knowing Vivian, I could also see the aftermath of their fights being one of those rare, few moments where she would wish she was more normal; after all, if she happened to be less difficult, Hayate might actually become less frustrated with her.
Since this is Hayate we're talking about, however, I could also see him potentially researching autism a bit more and slowly reaching a point where he would better understand Vivian, but either way, their relationship is one I always have fun, psycho-analyzing, because it's between an unpredictable, misanthrophic man and a manic, neurodivergent woman.
#║▌ ⧼ ⸢ ʚɞ ⸣︳h̲e̲a̲d̲c̲a̲n̲o̲n̲s̲. ⧽ ― LET’S PRETEND I AM A FICTIONAL CHARACTER.#⸾ ❖︎ ⸾ ( ABOUT ) ⤹ •• 𝕧𝕚𝕧𝕚𝕒𝕟 𝕚𝕤𝕞𝕤.#⸾ ❖︎ ⸾ ( QUEUED ) ⤹ •• 𝕗𝕠𝕣 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕝𝕚𝕓𝕣𝕒𝕣𝕪.#[ you should all read asper kanojo tbh because not only does it have amazing autistic rep it's also a beautiful love story between ]#[ two autistic individuals that is a true roller coaster of emotions from start to finish ]#[ but yeah every time i look back on some of the interactions vivian has had ]#[ i end up realizing that even when i don't consciously try to i still somehow write her as very autistic ]#[ and it's during times like these that i'd remember a former mutual of mine criticizing me for apparently making autism my whole ]#[ entire personality that it would bleed through my writing and the way i talk to others ooc ]#[ but the more i think about it... the more i realize that autism is an integral part of vivian's character ]#[ that removing it or not referencing it in replies when applicable would be a major disservice to her ]#[ but it also kinda stung hearing that because i write non-autistic characters too and knowing i potentially ruined them or accidentally ]#[ made them autistic-coded did admittedly affect my confidence as a writer ]#[ however i would rarely seek out validation from my mutuals on my dash (even though i do secretly crave it) ]#[ because i'm aware many people consider that to be a major pet peeve ]
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Sensory issues that make me not want my hair to touch my neck/ears
vs.
chronic migraine disorder that can be triggered by wearing my hair up for too long or wearing anything on my head at all
vs.
ppl telling me they like me more with long hair&making me feel insecure about having short hair
#im gonna kms#its an every day issue#i dont have this problem when i have short hair#but i HATE feeling judged i get so hyperfocused on it and it makes me so sad and i cant cope w it tbh#its something i work tirelessly to change by trying to be mindful and not give a fuck but#its HARD#so many ppl express how much they like my long hair better and I just wish they'd keep it to themselves#bc now im like rlly insecure about having short hair again#idk.... i remember back in the day when i was working at the smoke shop and had short hair#there were a bunch of girls who would express how good it looked and how theyve always wanted short hair but#their face was too fat or it wouldnt look good on them#and i would encourage them and tell them if its what you want and it would make you happy then it will always suit you and look good#no one in this world has a “face” for short hair#all of our faces suit whatever hair we want for ourselves#but pol have this opinion based off of society constructed beauty standards#and will just outright way or imply#that you look better following those standards#i think ppl should find happiness and self confidence more attractive than adherence to beauty standards#i successfully convinced one of my coworkers and an old and younger customer to cut their hair short#and they were so bright and excited to show me after they did it#and i hyped them up to hell and back like it made me emotional bc it takes courage to embrace your happiness#despite others judgements#im just#not as brave anymore#im rlly tired tbh#anyways srry im just emotional bc my head hurts and im overstimulated from my hair touching my neck jshfjekduriwj
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OMG! OMG! OMG!
I never thought I would see a video of you singing! You are so beautiful. Your voice is amazing! To see your cuteness while you sing is wonderful. Those cheeks! Your face is so expressive, and your shoulder roll was so fun. Those freckles! and that giggle at the end...(big sigh)...
The sound I made when I saw the ask about it was not as embarrassing as the sound I made when found that the video was still up. You have made me so happy with this. I know it's silly but I teared up listening to it because I had to close my eyes to stop from crying. This is so beautiful! You are so beautiful and it has nothing to do with how you look. Thank you Princess! Thank you!
#I know I’ve used this gif before#but this is literally me right now#I’m not OKAY#I’m a fucking mess right now actually#I’ve had a really bad day and to see all the positivity and kind words about my singing video is literally making my day#I’ve thought about making a TikTok specifically for singing videos and now I’m feeling a little more confidence about it 🥺#still don’t know if I’ll ever do it#but it just sounds fun#I have a few duets that i sing by myself and I thought it would be fun to do both parts somehow#either do some sort of edit#or like different makeup on either side of my face and turn to the camera whatever character I’m singing (if that makes sense)#ok getting distracted#back to one of the sweetest asks I’ve ever received#same with the other ask from my dear 🌸 I’m going to keep this ask near and dear to my heart#this means more to me than I can ever express#like I’m going to screenshot both of these asks and save them for a sad day and when I need a pick me up#I said before but I’ll say it again voice compliments are one of my favorites#I’m speechless and I don’t know what to say anymore tbh#you are way way WAY to kind to me 😭 I don’t deserve all these lovely words#thank you so much for this ask and being such a sweetie#can’t imagine anyone tearing up over me singing popular tbh 🥺😭#that’s just so sweet#maybe I’ll have to sing one of my super sad ballads and see if I can make you sob#some of the songs I sing to myself hit my heart really deeply so I sometimes cry while singing them#also ‘you are so beautiful and it has nothing to do with the way you look’ hold on I need a fucking minute#I’m sobbing again#thank you so so so so so much#idk how much longer I’ll keep the video up cause face but go enjoy it while it’s there 😇#fav asks#sweet asks
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ugggghhh ok so I’m reading some books to prep for my student teaching in the fall, the ones that my host teacher knows are likely to be in the curriculum, and first of all why is it a thing that high schoolers are made to read Contemporary Lit Fic that can be summed up as “how many gory explicit descriptions of traumatic abuse can we fit into one book”, like every year it’s just One Standard Shakespeare Play, One Twentieth-Century American Classic, throw in some other shit, and Somebody’s Fucked-Up Memoir From A Decade Or So Ago. Are there any contemporary books that are good but NOT traumatizing? If not, I’m happy to stick to classic lit personally
ANYWAY so I’m reading this book to prep for the fall and I ended up skimming the whole latter 3/4 or so of the book to spoil it for myself so the suspense wouldn’t kill me, and now I’m up late despite being super tired because my brain is just cycling through every horrific thing in the book, plus the reviews I read online, some of which are insanely saying shit like “wah wah, get over it, stop whining, we all had rough times in our childhood” and I’m like... Am I the softest, most naive baby on the planet for reacting to this horrific memoir by feeling bad for the author and thinking that maybe we don’t need to be making high schoolers read this? I’m not saying it’s not well-written- it is well-written, and well-structured, but Jesus Christ.
(also why are we allowed to make students read horrifying memoirs of abuse but god forbid they know that slavery happened in this country, but that’s a different issue altogether)
so yeah I now have managed to make my entire evening about Trying And Failing To Get Some Images Out of My Head, which sucks because I had a LOVELY day and was looking forward to some well-earned sleep, and also I’m gonna have to go back and read the entire book so that I’m able to teach it properly and know all the literary devices in it and shit. Cool cool cool
#this is the same classroom where i did my student observing and their 'holocaust book' was this book called sarah's key#which is also unnecessarily traumatizing but doesn't even have the decency to be written well#and i asked my host teacher like 'hey. do we provide any like... emotional support to the students when they read That Scene'#and she was like 'yeah i have them write a response paper about their emotions reading the scene'#and idk i'm not 100% sure that's enough?#i know high schoolers put on a big song and dance about how edgy they are and how they can handle seeing any fucked-up shit#and some of them really do unfortunately have to live with fucked-up shit for real#but like. they're still humans? who are growing and developing? let's maybe give them breathing room with these things?#i love my host teacher she's great but i'm not confident she's gonna provide a lot of emotional support re: this memoir to the students#she's also way tougher and more resilient than i am. and so are most of the students tbh. i'm a tiny baby kitten and i know this#still i feel like we should probably allow some room for acknowledging Yeah That Was Fucked Up Huh#It's Normal To Feel Sad Now Actually#ANY THE FUCKING WAY. wish i'd gone to sleep early like i planned#at least it's the weekend tomorrow and all i have to do is go prove i don't have tuberculosis. again!!!!#(not that i had tuberculosis before. i just got tested before but it was over 6 months ago so not good enough)#that's also for student teaching!#i feel like my personal posts on this blog are just a psa on why not to become a teacher#i swear i love teaching lol but i love kvetching more#written by me
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though honestly ill probably never get a girlfriend LOLLL not even in like an incel sort of way cause ive had multiple girlfriends ! ive just realized im not a great person to have a relationship with. unmedicated bipolar with a tendency to ghost. i lose interest fast and dont have the empathy to care abt the consequences. kind of a shitty person ! at least i can recognize that tho lol
#only a shame cause im a virgin and probably will stay that way...its less abt rhat tho and more me wondering if i really am asexual#id never identify with it but its just smth id like to know. like how i have adhd or eds. its there but idgaf abt that cause i dont want#hashtag undiagnosising myself or whatever#but yeah literally my last relationship it wasnt even that i wasnt confident enough to initiate anything . i just Forgot#it literally never crossed my mind LOL first time we kissed she literally had to force me to stop and tell me shed been trying all day#its truly a curse tbh
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Super exhausting week. Tomorrow will be a bit better. Monday will be bad again. Then calm for two days. thankfully. Also I ordered a new phone, which will probably arrive on Tuesday or Wednesday. Gonna need to transfer stuff over, hopefully that'll go smoothly.
Some extra thoughts that are yearning in the tags. Sorry y'all, feel free to skip/ignore/whatever. I need to yell.
#nils talking#feeling super out of place rn#both because my sister clearly doesn't understand how exhausted I am & how that impact my ability to do things rn and in the near future#but also because I don't have time for my friends and they don't have time for me#and at the same time I'm also just very frustrated because of how hard it is for me to get to know people#like I've said it before I feel very annoying and awkward and I fear rejection a lot#but at the same time I wanna know folks I wanna just hang out and have deep talks and cook dinner together and be chill#and I wanna both become a person who CAN and HAS FRIENDS who wanna do stuff like cuddle platonically without it being awkward#or more tbh#like I also keep saying this but like I also want romance and sex not even at the same time#though I do feel very much undesirable and with my confidence issues I'd need people who KNOW me to TELL me that they wanna have sex with m#because otherwise I wouldn't TRUST that sorta offer like if a stranger told me that they think I'm hot#I'd think they were pranking me or trying to humiliate me#not that that has ever happened#the closest was a girl who told me she had a crush on me but that was a way for her to try & get closer to a female friend of mine#which is a whole different can of worms of a story#but still like I wanna be in a situation where people DO tell me I'm hot and desirable AND that I can believe them#and to also not feel like an outcast sitting alongside actual friends#because I'm autistic and fat and queer and in a still very transitional place in my life#to just feel welcomed and loved for who I am and not just by my family which doesn't REALLY understand me
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I had a full day of TA'ing (plus a wee lab tech help), my feet was hurting at the end of the day and I was tired
But genuinely I'm enjoying this way more than any of my previous lab jobs
#feeling more confident to want to continue teaching#who would of thought id decide this career#lab research is just too damn boring for me#im not the mega quiet kid in the corner thats depressed anymore i was born to yap#like tbh if i had the personality i had when i was idk 14 i prob would of preferred lab work#but thats just cause its the theoretical “easy way out”#truly truly what remains consistent is that deep down i like the lounge aka im lazy lmao
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Tiphereth suppression finally complete babeyyyy
#rat rambles#lisa my beloved <3#her brother also exists ig.#I did it first try too which honestly is a relief it took forever idk how many times I could handle doing all that#which also means that the other two are now ready for their core suppressions which is both exiting and scary#exciting because it means that I can tell alruine to fuck off#scary because red mist boss fight 😔#I have no idea what to expect but tbh I rly cant be any more prepared than I already am#I have all the aleph gear not counting apocalypse bird and white night gear#and I have all the waw gear except for the one waw I havent gotten yet#in fact there's only 4 abnos I havent gotten yet I think and two of those are toold#I might stall a bit by memory repositing until I get those out of the way but I also might not idk#what I am starting to have to think abt tho is the two side bosses I previously mentioned#I do think apocalypse bird might be doable for me rn but white knight is a more tricky story#mostly because quite frankly I dont have 12 employees available to sacrifice to start the fight#I can obviously just make some new throaway guys but still#now setting up apocalypse bird would also be annoying since I currently only have judgement bird in my facility#rly Im just not sure which of my guys can or cant handle either boss#cause I do need the manpower but I also just am not confident that most of the gear my guys have will do them much good#now one thing that may be kind of pointless but I still wanna do is get silent orchestras ego gift on one of my guys#because god damn is that a powerful buff even if white damage isnt that common outside of anbno breaches#it would be fun in the sense that thatd make my girl able to solo any abnos that deal white damage#again its good dont get me wrong its just definitely smth that isnt as widly applicable as youd think#but yeah ideally I dont wanna do another day one reset and I rly do think this could be the run#the only reason I reset my first one rly was because I had gotten bored grinding for gear and also just wanted to finish my abno info#collection easier since there was a shit load of low level abnos I was missing#now the only ''''low level'''' abno Im missing is plague doctor for well. obvious reasons.#so yeah I should be pretty good and done with my info gathering within a session or two#tbh I dont even know what the wellfare meltdown looks like but Im much less scared of it than the boss fights I have up ahead#stinky b is also going to be tricky but Im hoping it wont be too bad
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some things i've manifested
these are some basic stories, but i have some "crazy" ones i might share if you guys want lol
note: before manifesting i used to have a pretty "normal" life. i was conventionally attractive, middle classs, etc. i didn't really "need" anything but a social life and better grades. regardless of that, i just manifested whatever i wanted and didn't limit myself. i also added a few little stories behind them.
appearance change:
changed my hair texture to curly
grew from 5'2 to 5'6
clear, even skin and skin tone (tbh i already had a really good skincare routine, my skin was super clear bc of that BUT my face used to be like 10 shades darker than the rest of my body and i had CRAZY backne and strawberry legs)
losing 30 pounds (i used to be 72kg, now i'm 58kg)
changed my shoe size (i used to be size 9 now i'm size 7)
changed my hand size (for reference, my hands used to be a little longer than my phone, i had a "pro max" sized phone.)
social life:
having good friends in my state (im from up north and was completely lonely in the state i live in now)
popularity (i used to be pretty irrelevant but now everybody likes me and wants to be around me)
getting my sp's (i manifested them from scratch and took inspired action to meet them)
having people crush on me more overtly/ getting approached more (this is kind of a weird one, before my appearance change i was pretty attractive like maybe a 7/10, but i got tired of people just ogling me and not approaching me. i only had the unattractive and overconfident guys approaching me, all the attractive ones just stared lol)
just being likable lol (people used to feel threatened by me or feel like i was standoffish for some reason. idrk tbh but it was VERY annoying. i literally used to get accused of "acting like i own the place" for being quiet and just existing 💀. i didn't really care what they thought, but i hated when they complained about it and tried to make it my problem.)
school:
higher gpa (i used to have a 3.0 but i manifested a 3.8, which is a weighted 4.0)
high grades (i used to fail many tests/exams and have a mix of a, b, and c's. now they're all a's)
dream college acceptance
teachers liking me (they actually used to hate my guts it was so annoying 😭)
school crushes liking me back (tbh they probably thought i was already attractive but they never spoke to me or seemed like they wanted to get to know me)
leaving early (my school day ends at like 12 now)
lifestyle:
living closer to the city
having my dream routine (i have my dream skincare products, haircare products, diet, and health routines.)
having a high self concept (tbh i technically always did, i knew what i wanted and deserved. i just felt more like i was being injusticed. so i got rid of the "unwilling victim" mentality. i also used to ruminate on irrelevant things, like mistakes i made, what people thought of me, etc.)
very high confidence (in my looks, abilities, judgement, etc.)
money for my parents and myself
having a busy, productive life (i used to hate school because my grades weren't contributing to anything i wanted to do in life, so i wanted a productive life outside of that.)
always getting my way
getting all sorts of things for free
and more!
i'd say this all took me around 2-3 months, not because manifesting takes time, but because i assumed a lot of things would take time. i also had periods of doubt in myself and tried to handle things in the 3d on my own for some time.. which obviously didn't work. still, all i did was assume and accept these things as true and they happened overnight, in a day, or within that week. the longest anything's taken me is like 7 days, and that was because i kept wavering in my mind. manifestation is truly instant.
but anyways, i hope this is motivational and helpful. i do have some pretty "ridiculous" stories like some revenge stories, "crazy" stories regarding sp's, some not very appropriate stories, really good things happening to me, and others.
thanks for reading! i hope this helps. 🩶
#edward art#law of assumption#loa#loa blog#loa success#loa tumblr#loablr#loass states#loassblog#loassumption#neville goddard#loa states#loa motivation#loa advice#loa help#loa manifesting#loa methods#loass post#loassblr#loass success#success story
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Dancing with ENHA as their Secret-Girlfriend!Idol!Reader
summary: enha dancing with their secret significant other
word count: 4.2k
warnings: suggestive at times, not proofread, fem reader
Lee Hee Seung:
It was public knowledge that you and Heeseung were friends since you had trained together at one point
However it was NOT public knowledge that you two actually ended up becoming a couple after you both debuted
With that being said, fans were overjoyed any time you were seen together, always thinking your interactions were so cute and wholesome
One day a video of the two of you pre-debut got leaked
It was a clip of a practice video of you dancing to “Bonnie & Clyde” by DEAN
The choreography was good and you both danced well, but anyone watching could tell that the two young trainees were nervous to be dancing with each other
Fans of both groups thought the video was pure gold though since it showcased how much you’d both grown as performers, and the fact that it was another interaction between their favs
The video trended on social media for about a week or so before the chatter and excitement was redirected to a NEW dance practice video…
which just so happened to be of you and Heeseung recreating the choreography from so many years in full
It was a well filmed, high quality performance
The two of you had even gone the extra mile and re-recorded the song as a duet, making it a full cover
Any trace of the awkwardness from your trainees days had been nowhere to be found
You and heeseung were dripping confidence and sex appeal as you danced together
A majority of the dance was spent with the the two of you in close contact- his arms around your waist, your palms trailing down his chest, him hands tracing the outline of your body
you were practically in your own little bubble and that shit read very clearly on camera
Of course your fans went even more feral
Twitter was full of praise for your growth and everyone was saying how you and heeseung must be so much closer now than back then
(if only they knew just how close👀)
And of course there were some smart fans (that unfortunately probably got called delusional) who could sense the thick sexual tension between the two of you
✪ ‘Y’all- there is absolutely NO WAY these two aren’t fucking😭’ ✪ ‘I genuinely feel like i’m interrupting something’ ✪ ‘Heeseung… if you’re not gonna get to work please step aside so i can have my turn with y/n’
It definitely was added to every single “top kpop moments of 20XX” video and thread
And since you’re both evil-
You each had made casual posts on sns about the process after
‘Did engene enjoy our little throwback collab?’ and the bitch posted a mirror selfie of the two of you sweaty and half dressed🧍♀️
Park Jong Seong:
Jay always loved watching you dance
Tbh jay loved to watch you do anything- but dancing was one of his favorites
Any time you had a comeback, he always wanted you to teach him the choreography as soon as possible- whether it was cute, sexy, or fierce- that boy was gonna learn it
Which meant when the song actually dropped he’d be the first to make a tik tok with you every time
And of course the opposite rang true as well-
Whenever enhypen had a comeback you were the first to learn the new choreo
The tik toks are always so cute too-
Like- that’s your man so of course you’re gonna be cute with him lmao
It’s mostly because you know he gets flustered so easily when you tease him or flirt with him in front of the other members or staff
It’s especially hectic when your comeback schedules overlap because trust their will be new tik toks every other day
You guys got especially brave when enha was promoting “bite me”...
Instead of just doing the pre-chorus together and posting that like the others, you did the whole pre-chorus AND chorus… WITH THE PARTNER WORK
If fans weren’t already going feral over the boys dancing with partners before, they definitely lost their shit at your mini collab
✪ ‘Oh my god… there’s no way this is real’ ✪ ‘Jay… your hands are a little low there buddy😅’ ✪ ‘So they just casually covered half of ‘Bite Me’ on a random Thursday? Okay cool’ ✪ ‘THE WAY JAY LOOKS AT Y/N OMFG’
It actually took fans longer than expected to realize you were filming together even when your promotional schedules didn’t lineup, so of course rumors started eventually
However it seemed like your fans were just rolling with it since your interactions were fun an cute (they’ve been praying for a collab stage between your groups since debut)
There was one time you filmed with heeseung instead of Jay and it lowkey threw everyone for a loop
Was it intentional? Absolutely not! Well- maybe slightly
You and your members were curious to see if anyone would react- had your fans even noticed that you only ever film with Jay? (yes, they noticed it right away)
So you can imagine the comments when you posted of you and Heeseung doing the choreo for “brought the heat back”
✪ ‘Uhmmm?? What happened to your man???’ ✪ ‘Omg no mom and dad are fighting‘ ✪ ‘HEESEUNG PLZ TELL ME YOU CAN FIGHT BRO’ ✪ ‘Peace and love but where is Jay…”
Yeah… it gave y’all a good laugh
There have also been plenty of time where you’ve posted your own little dance covers without Jay, or even just danced to his songs casually on live while jamming out, which always excited fans of both groups
Basically his fans and yours know SOMETHING is going on between you two and for some reason no one really talks about it like you’d expect them to…
Sim Jae Yun:
You and jake had been invited to be part of an end-of-the-year collab stage
It was supposed to be a fun little performance between a few different male and female idols
At the time- the only people who knew about your relationship were your groupmates, meaning it was especially hard to see each other without getting caught
However when your manager gave you the news that you’d be collaborating with a few different idols, and that your boyfriend just so happened to be one of them, your heart started to race
You attended a meeting with your manager in which you were informed that you’d be working with Lee Isa, Kim Gaeul, Kang Minhee, Park Jisung, and of course Jake
The stage would have three parts- a section for the girls, a section for the boys, and then one where you all came together
The overall vibe was fun and flirty, and you’d each be partnered with someone
The second the idea of “partners” was introduced, you and jake immediately made (what you thought was subtle, but was definitely not) eye-contact
The meeting wrapped up and you were immediately conversing with you were manager, trying to subtly convey how you thought it would make most sense for you and Jake to be partners
Unbeknownst to you, Jake was doing the exact same thing
Luckily, it worked and both of your managers were able to get the two of you to be partners
You all began preparing immediately, and since some of the partner work was different for each pair you’d all broken off to learn separate bits of choreography
You and Jake had begun working on a few different combinations, since the song decisions hadn’t been entirely finalized yet
The first one you worked on was to “Invitation” by JUNNY and Gaeko, which totally fit the vibe of the overall stage concept
Except it was maybe a bit TOO flirty (or perhaps that was just you and Jake)
You were easily able to connect and play into the each other’s artistry
Your relationship had always been full of playful energy and putting a smile on the other person’s face, so dancing together just felt like another extension of that
The choreography was intense and fast, hitting every accent and ad-lib, requiring a lot of texture and groove
but after learning the steps and running it once or twice to get the moves down it felt like second nature, especially since all your charisma and stage presence was really just you having fun with your boyfriend
Lots of behind the scenes content was filmed and unfortunately… some got leaked to the public
Somehow yours and jake’s first dance practice got leaked, as well as Jisung and Isa’s and the video of yours, Gaeul, and Isa’s section
This was before anything was announced to let the public know a collab was even happening so fans were shocked on so many levels
✪ ‘We’ve got (your group), enhypen, ive, nct, stayc, and cravity members doing a collab?? Where did this even come from???’ ✪ ‘Gaeul, Y/n, and Isa dancing to “greedy” by Ariana Grande was not something i knew i needed- welcome back “wow thing” collab group’ ✪ ‘Jake and Y/n look like they’re having so much fun together i love them :(‘ ✪ ‘I feel like I've never seen Jake have this much fun while dancing! You can tell he really feels comfortable dancing with Y/n’ ✪ ‘The way they look at each other, oh i feel sick’
Unfortunately after that all the songs and choreography had to be changed :/
Park Sung Hoon:
Close by Nick Jonas
As the main dancer of your group, your company loves to highlight you any chance they get
This resulted in you doing frequent dance videos, collabing with other idols in order to reach outside your normal audience and hopefully attract some new fans
Sunghoon, ever the supportive boyfriend, makes sure you tell him every time a new video is going to be released so that he can have youtube open and ready for when it drops
texts you immediately after about how talented you are and how proud he is of you for taking on the challenges of choreographing and coming up with new ways to showcase your skills as a performer
Sometimes will just randomly pull up your videos and start watching them while y’all are hanging out
You had always told him beforehand who you’d be dancing with and he never expressed being bothered by any of your idol partners-
until he realized you yourself were picking them
You were sitting in his bed one day (watching one of your recent videos lol) when he suddenly looked up at you with the saddest puppy eyes ever
“How come you’ve never asked me to dance with you☹️”
Oh he’d be so pouty and sulky omg
You’d been expecting that question for a while honestly
“Baby I’d love to dance with you, but would your company let us?”
sunghoon hated that you had to be logical all the time, so he just rolled over to bury his face in your stomach, and groaned in despair
(This drama queen)
He eventually just wrapped his arms around your waist and lifted his head to rest his chin on your tummy, peering up at you
“Can we ask them tomorrow…”
You couldn’t stop the affectionate giggle that left you as you played with his hair and nodded softly
The next day, you talked to your manager first- proposing your next idea
Now you see- your manager loves sunghoon, your whole staff does really
They all think the two of you are perfect together, and would honestly probably announce you were official right this second if hybe let them
So it wasn’t a problem convincing your team to let you dance with your boyfriend
Of course that wasn’t exactly the case for Sunghoon’s team
It definitely made sense why they weren’t totally onboard with the idea- being worried about dating rumors and such- but you and hoon hadn’t had a single rumor involving each other up to that point!
They eventually caved and agreed, realizing it would be a good opportunity since all the other idols you had invited so far were all known as well-respected dancers in the industry
You ended up decided on going for a more intimate and contemporary vibe than you had done so far
“Close” by Nick Jonas and Tove Lo was the song you had agreed on using, having had already talked about choreographing to this song together just for fun at some point
You had worked with a choreographer from hybe, expressing your vision and showing some of the ideas you had, and the process went extremely smooth
The dance ended up being sensual and emotional, highlighting both of your skills as contemporary dancers
A good chunk of the choreography was spent with the two of you having very little physical contact, but being so close to each other that it delivered such a feeling a yearning
However, the last chorus totally changed the vibe
You two walked backward, facing away from each other, and right as you were about to bump into each other sunghoon abruptly turned around gripping your shoulder and whirling you to face him- leading to a sequence of quick spins and paired movements, finally breaking the pattern of avoiding physical contact
And the rest of the dance spent with you two practically glued together
The performance continued with sunghoon pulling you in toward him, you running your hands up his chest and neck and landing softly on his face before pulling him down to almost meet your lips
The two of you slowly walked together to the beat of the music until sunghoon’s back was hitting the wall
It came to an end with hoon sliding down into a seated position on the floor, leaning against the wall- you sliding down in sync, landing on his lap- his face still in your hands, his hands on your hips, foreheads leaned against each other’s
The choreography was so intimate that unfortunately hybe’s fears came true
The dating rumors were instantaneous…
✪ ‘This is such an unexpected pairing but it makes so much sense’ ✪ ‘Oh! My bad y’all i’ll just- i can just- uhm- lemme just leave the room and come back later’ ✪ ‘I know y/n said this performance was gonna be a bit different from her other’s but i didn’t think THIS is what she meant😭’ ✪ ‘Soooo, is this a safe space to say I wholeheartedly believe Y/nHoon is real?’ ✪ ‘Girl Y/nHoon BETTER be real after THAT’ ✪ 'the thoughts i'm thinking... i feel like my account would get suspended if i shared them👀'
And if that wasn’t enough to get them going, there was all the behind the scenes material as well
Both your company and hybe had released behind the scenes videos of the project, except they couldn’t have been more different
While the one posted to enhypen’s channel was mostly sunghoon being interviewed and shots of him practicing individually, with the occasional partner shot or interaction between you two
Your behind the scenes video had plenty of shots of you and hoon laughing and playfully bickering together
Clips of you finishing the choreography and falling against him, with him wrapping his arms around you and swaying back and forth circulated twitter immediately
There were plenty of other moments that had fans fawning over your relationship
Such as when you wrapped up filming and sunghoon slid his hands from your hips to fully wrap his arms around your waist and pull you down to lay on top of him on the ground
Let’s just say hybe had to release a statement pretty soon after that
Kim Seon Woo:
Sunoo and you always post together
vlogs, lives, story posts- you name it
Most fans never really thought anything of it since a majority of the time it was just you two shopping, trying new snacks, or talking about skincare
But there was also so much content you didn’t post
Like the countless couples tik tok trends that are sitting in your drafts (his favorite is the one where you put on lipstick and accidentally smudged it, then the camera turns to him covered in lipstick kiss marks)
But there are also surprisingly a lot of random dance videos you have of the two of you
Sometimes when you’re hanging out at one of your company’s studios you’ll just turn on a song and come up with fun random choreography
One of Sunoo’s favorites that you guys have come up with was to “Wildflower” by 5 seconds of summer
It was sensual and flirty, but still fun and cute- and the video conveys that perfectly with how much the two of you are giggling and clinging to each other
It started off really well! Both of you were locked in, hitting the snaps and beats perfectly, your expressions nothing short of perfect and professional
But the second it got to the chorus your smiles were overtaking your faces as you tried to stay focused on the choreography and not burst out laughing
You still danced the routine perfectly! There just came a point in the dance where neither of you could stop smiling at each other
By the final chorus you were fully teasing your giggly boyfriend by mouthing the words with an overly flirtatious expression while running your hands down his neck and chest, causing him to squeeze your waist and teasingly pull you into him making you burst out laughing, before finishing out the dance with the biggest smiles anyone has ever seen
You both often rewatch the video and your smiles end up being almost as big as the ones you had in the video
You were sitting with Sunoo one day and asked him if it was okay to post it to your personal account, and he excitedly agreed
However- for some reason you didn’t check to make sure you were on your private account instead of your groups account before you hit post, and without realizing, uploaded your choreography to your groups official instagram with the caption ‘me and my wildflower sunny baby☀️🌺’
It was only about 15 minutes later when sunoo was scrolling through his own instagram when he turned to you panicked
“Baby… you posted it on the wrong account”
“WHAT?????”
You immediately called your manager crying and freaking out, while sunoo called jungwon trying to explain the situation
Both your management teams came to the agreement that no one would say anything about the video unless it got severely out of hand
They thought it would be best to keep the video up to avoid suspicion, However, you did have to change the caption
Aside from the crazies, most fans were eating it up!
✪ ‘I love that they’re so comfortable with each other, this is so cute’ ✪ ‘Their smiles and giggles🥺’ ✪ ‘I feel like we never get to see sunoo’s dance abilities highlighted, so i’m honestly grateful that y/n shared this’ ✪ ‘Oh they’re so in love don’t even try to deny it’
Yang Jung Won:
You had been hinting to your fans about doing more dance content, but the last thing they expected was for a video of you and jungwon dancing to “two hands” by Tate McCrae to randomly show up on your groups youtube channel one day
The video was professionally recorded in a cool location and the two of you had on cool but comfortable outfits
Basically y’all looked cunty asf and everyone was losing their shit over it but we’ll come back to that
The choreography involved the two of you being in some sort of physical contact for almost the entire thing
And when you weren’t touching, you were face to face staring into each other’s soul
It was lowkey like you were leading the dance at times and jungwon was hypnotized by your movements (which let’s be honest, he totally was)
By the last chorus, you and your boyfriend were in full contact
Jungwon’s hands had pulled you in closely, your hands resting on his chest with his low on your back
There was a moment where you just sensually gazed into to each other’s eyes, caressing each other while you mouthed the words to the song
Jungwon leaned in closing his eyes, fully preparing to kiss you, but you teasingly turned your head back toward the camera right as your lips were about to meet, giving a flirtatious wink and smile
The turn caused jungwon’s lips to brush your neck, but the way it was captured by the camera made it hard to tell if he actually made contact with your skin
The rest of the dance consisted of one or both of you having your hands on the other without a break, never breaking the connection
There was even a part where you had your hand on your boyfriend’s face and he followed your movement, seemingly hypnotized by your touch
Jungwon’s hands quickly found their place on your hips shortly after
The dance finished with two posing- you in front of him, reaching behind to place your hand on the back of his neck, as he placed his hands on your hips
Won gently rubbed your hip as he waited for the director to call cut, ad when they did he collapsed against you, fully wrapping his arms around your waist and tucking his face into your neck
(That cute moment was captured and posted on your instagram story after the official video dropped)
Speaking of social media…
The thing is, both you and your boyfriend are chaotic and slightly evil, so the second the video dropped y’all were refreshing twitter to see people’s reactions
✪ ‘Oh okay so they’re a thing’ ✪ ‘Yang Jungwon and L/n Y/n… WHAT IS THIS????’ ✪ ‘So like- do y’all need a third or…’ ✪ ‘HIS LIPS WERE LITERALLY ON HER NECK I’M NOT CRAZY’ ✪ ‘Need whatever they’ve got goin on real bad’ ✪ ‘Jungwon heard the lyrics “your two hands on me at all times” and took that shit literally wow’ ✪ ‘Y/n turning to look at the camera right as won is about to kiss her… GIRL MOVE IF YOU’RE NOT GONNA KISS THAT BOY’ ✪ ‘The hand placement, oh i’m so fucked’ ✪ ‘L/n Y/n the woman you are…’ ✪ ‘The way Jungwon’s movements get obviously more desperate at the end of the choreography when Y/n has her hands on his face… WALK HIM LIKE A DOG MAMA😛’
You and Jungwon were giggling and saving posts were a good two hours
Nishimura Riki:
It wasn’t unusual for you and ni-ki to hang out in a practice room and just jam, coming up with random choreography combinations for fun
It also wasn’t a secret that the two of you knew each other and hung out, but most just assumed you were friends since you had also hung out with other members of enhypen before
However neither of you had ever posted anything together aside from mayne a couple of tik toks
So it came as a shock to his fans (and yours) when Ni-Ki went live, only for everyone to see him cozied up in one of hybe’s practice rooms with you
The live started with the two of you laying on the floor with the phone propped up against the mirror wall at the front of the room, just chatting and giggling over random stuff (losers in love)
In fact Riki was so chatty that fans were even starting to comment on it
‘The only time Riki has stopped giggling or yapping has been to listen intently to y/n..’
‘I swear these two are so chatty together, what's going on??’
Eventually you guys started getting antsy and decided to turn on some music and jam again
It was just some ciphering back and forth for a while until “pour up” by DEAN came on and you froze and made eye contact
“Should we do it?” Ni-Ki asked in regard to the choreography the two of you had come up with to the song earlier that week
“I mean… why not?” you shrugged with a mischievous smile
“It’s a little… risky- don’t you think?” he giggled while unconsciously moving closer to you, but you just giggled in return before starting the choreography while holding eye contact
He laughed a bit in shock, watching you dance for a few more seconds before joining in
By the time the chorus arrived the two of you were locked in, facing forward again toward the camera
It seemed like pretty tame choreography at first with a slightly sensual
Until the second verse came
You and Riki started crossing paths and interacting more within the choreography, showing off just how much chemistry you have together as dance partners
There were plenty of little moments with little flirtatious touches here and there but the connection was on full display by the last few seconds of the song, with Riki’s arm draped casually around your waist as the two of you swayed side to side
You pretended to walk off as the song ended, still feeling the vibe, but as soon as the next song started playing you screamed dramatically and fell to floor in a heap of embarrassment, leaving your boyfriend to laugh at you from behind
Ni-Ki walked past you back to the phone to check the comments and he noticed the viewer count has tripled since before you started dancing
✪ ‘They way they just casually match each others vibe like it’s nothing’ ✪ ‘So can we all agree we need more Y/n and Riki dance content??’ ✪ ‘I would 100% be asking “what are we?” after this…' ✪ ‘Y/n falling to the ground and screaming after, she’s so real’ ✪ ‘OMG LOOK AT HOW RED THEY ARE NOW AWWWW BABIES’
Neither of you could look at each other without giggling for the rest of the live
notes: hey y'all... i'm back (kinda)
#riki x reader#nishimura riki x reader#jungwon x reader#yang jungwon x reader#sunoo x reader#kim sunoo x reader#sunghoon x reader#park sunghoon x reader#jake x reader#jake sim x reader#sim jaeyun x reader#jaeyun x reader#jay x reader#jay park x reader#jongseong x reader#park jongseong x reader#heeseung x reader#lee heesung x reader#enhypen x reader#enha x reader#enhypen scenarios#enha scenarios
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✞ Forgive me For I have Sinned ✞
✞ Pairings: Priest Gojo x Fem Reader
✞ Word count - 5.7k
✞ Content/Warnings- You keep having dreams about Father Gojo, and he decides to try to save your slutty soul <3 NSFW, sacrilegious, confessional fucking, rosaries as bondage, lots of filling you w/love and light, oral (both receiving) fingering, explicit church sex, reader is a lil bimbo and innocent fr, Gojo has a HELL of a God complex (canon tbh) overall kinky asf
A/N- Booking the tix to hell-who's coming with!? I based off this drabble of mine: Priest! Gojo (you can read it first if you want!) Reader and Gojo are in their mid 20s. Enjoy!
It was hot outside, a scorching summer day, the type that made you want to jump in an icy cool lake naked, but in the sanctuary of this pristine church which is kept rather cool, you still have a drip of sweat beading down your collarbone. You’re wearing a pretty red summer dress, your little hat right next to you in the pew, as you watch him with avid attention.
Father Satoru Gojo.
The entire church is in love with him, enamored by him, there are admiring whispers even amongst the most vigilant catholics, the ones who would judge you for coming not in your Sunday best. They hid it well enough, acting as if they only cared so much because his sermons were so powerful, because he was so young and profound already.
But you know better, and they know better deep down, that Father Gojo was just gorgeous, a face chiseled to perfection, tall and broad shouldered, swoon worthy by all accounts. His husky voice and insane presence that shines brilliantly like a million diamonds certainly helps, but his face itself is so pretty it’s angelic.
When he looks at you with those brilliant blue eyes, swirling like a moody storm, all glittery behind those snowy white lashes? Well you feel…
You’re going to hell.
Last night you’d had this insane dream of him, where he has asked you to serve him on your knees, just as he would offer that eucharist and wine to you, but instead it’s his cum you’re swallowing. And you’re a good, God fearing girl, so, you certainly should not do or think of such things! And worst of all, with your priest, Father Gojo. He has vows too, yet you’d committed much sin already.
Just last night you’d awakened throbbing, having dreamt of pleasuring him, on your knees before him, and you’d been soaking wet and dripping down your shorts, even the sheet had a wet spot. You’d rubbed your swollen little clit in circles, gasping and arching your back, feeling fevered as you committed such sins, as picturing Father Gojo had you climaxing all over your own fingers.
You’d been so ashamed this morning! You’d splashed cold water on your face, staring at yourself in your mirror, shivering as the cool water dripped down your skin, knowing you should stay home, find some new church. You are full of impure thoughts and sin, and it’s all because of him, how could you confide in him that you feel this way, think this way?
What would he do if he knew? Cast you out or…
Stop it.
But as you’re crossing your legs, shifting your hips, you see Satoru Gojo’s full, pouty lips part, his eyes directly on you. You pause then, eyes wide, you must be imagining it, your sin surely is carrying over too far… but you test it, crossing your legs once more, and sure enough, his eyes follow your legs up, between your thighs, surely seeing your panties.
That gives you a fucking thrill you can’t describe, as does him licking his thumb, going to another page as he continues his sermon, women all over are fanning themselves, enamored by him. But perhaps none so much as you, picturing what’s under that cassock, under those white robes he wears, what that long, lithe body would feel like against yours.
You imagine your dream vividly later when he’s giving you the eucharist, placing the biscuit on your tongue as you hold your mouth open on your knees, then you see it, the hunger mirrored in his eyes. You tremble when he brushes a thumb over your lower lip, and your eyes drift to his lap, where you clearly see he’s hard. You gulp it down, looking up at him and taking the wine now.
Father Gojo looks down at you, white hair falling over a brow, finding your beautiful eyes are affecting him as much as your stance on your knees, his thumb finds your chin now, imagining shoving his cock between perfect lips. Surely, you are here to tempt him, to ruin him, you are sin itself, haunting his dreams, making him hard in the middle of church, right in his own service.
You look at it then, his cock under the cassock that’s becoming too tight, before licking your lip, eyes back up to his hungrily. You look like such a good girl, but your eyes tell another story, a story of wanting to get fucked hard, to be filled by him, wanting to have his cum all over your pretty face. He imagines that as the wine drips down your lips now.
Fuck he’s going to hell if he stays around you, surely even he has rules to uphold even if he certainly is God’s chosen. But… perhaps since he is God's chosen, it’s his duty to help a little sinful girl like you. And as you rise, holding his hand, and your breasts brush against his chest, you’re far too close, he vividly pictures yanking them out of that dress, tempting him to no end.
Of course you ask for confessional, and he’s dying at the thought of being so close to you, when all he thinks of is how good you look, how good you smell, and he is left to wonder, do you taste that good? Your pretty neck, your delicate collarbone, your pussy? Surely he should not think such things, but as he looks at you through the lattice of the confessional separating you both, he cannot stop his mind.
“Father Gojo… I fear my confession is most wicked.” Comes your breathy little voice, only serving to make Father Gojo’s thick length harden, picturing what your little moans must sound like when properly fucked.
“Go on, my pr- my child, you may tell me anything.” He says, coughing a bit, because he’d rather call you a pretty little slut, and he has no clue why the devil likes to try him so hard. It’s all your fault, truly. Pretty little thing.
“Okay… but…” You take a breath. “I have dreams of someone fucking me, someone I should not.” You say nervously, and watch him shift in his seat, you can smell his cologne so much in here, making you thirst more for him.
“It’s natural to have thoughts, my child.”
“No, Father Gojo… I’m playing with myself, thinking of him. Of… sucking him, or of him laying on top of me.” You hear Father Gojo making a choking sound, and you panic. “I’m so sorry! I…”
“Ahem, no, no… continue.” Father Gojo’s cock is straining, he can already feel precum sticking to his tip, picuring you touching your pussy, he bets it’s so pretty, bet it tastes so-
Sinful girl, aren’t you?
Surely that’s all this is, not… him wanting to sin! Father Satoru Gojo certainly is perfect, he’s God’s perfect creature, so if he wants this, it must be on you. Sin in a perfect little body with a perfect little face, and a voice that drives him to utter distraction. Surely, Father Gojo must try to save you.
“Father, I cannot stop thinking of him, he’s in all my dreams. What should my penance be, how many hail marys?”
Father Gojo has to stroke himself to adjust his huge, throbbing cock now, as he watches you through the lattice, biting your full lower lip, your head falling back, hair cascading. Hair he wants to pull as he fucks you from behind, making you arch your back to take more of his cock.
“I have to ask how you’re doing it… so that I can tell you your penance, so that I may try to save you.” He says, husky now, and you whimper softly, shifting on the bench, your pussy throbbing around nothing, picturing his cock filling you.
“How I do it, Father Gojo?”
“Yes, it’s… important to confess.”
“Well, I take my fingers, and I find my pussy with them, I roll them around my clit over and over, I get so wet that they slip- Father are you okay?” Satoru can’t stand it, he’s stroking his bare cock under his robes, resting his head against the wall, struggling not to cry out as he’s pumping.
“Ahem… indeed I am. So you finger your little pussy then?” At his words you’re a blushing mess, breaths coming more rapidly, your hands gripping the bench, dying for friction as you’re soaking your panties.
“Y-yes.”
“Do you slip your fingers in?”
“I… no! Um… no.”
“And you cum?”
“I… yes. I do cum. Imagining him.” You’re watching those robes rise and fall, then you know it, Father Gojo is stroking his cock right next to you.
“I see… I think I can help alleviate some of this, perhaps give you some guidance so that you do not afflict yourself so.” You want to touch yourself now, when you hear those breathy pants, your fingers clinging to the lattice.
“Yes, father, I need your guidance.” Cock, fingers, mouth… fuck you’re a full sinner, aren’t you!?
“Then come here, let us have our first attempt at saving you.”
Now you’re standing in front of him in the itty bitty room, face to face with Satoru Gojo, your Priest, and fuck if your nipples don’t tighten up, if your tummy isn’t clenching with desire. You’re nervously fiddling with your hands as he leans back, spreading his long legs as wide as they can in the tight quarters, his glittering blue eyes dilated as he licks his lips, making them glossy.
“You must show me how, and do not fret, sweet girl, it’s through god’s will of course, through me.” Father Gojo says, your breaths come faster as you slip up your sundress, and his eyes hungrily drink the sight of your bare thighs in. He leans forward, sliding those panties down, eyeing your glistening cunt now, his breath almost hitting it, making you jerk.
“Father… I cannot show you…”
“You can, I am here to help, have no fear.” He notices you’ve drenched your panties, a wet spot formed, sticky little strands of your arousal apparent as he pulls them down, hands touching the smooth skin of your thighs.
You put your hand on your pussy now, the other nervously holding up your dress, and you run your fingers in circles on your clit, crying out softly, as he lets out a low, guttural moan. You’re getting wetter as you play, as his large, sexy hands clench, the veins popping up out of the thin skin, and you’re trembling, imagining his long fingers working you instead.
Satoru is close to cumming as he watches your pretty face, your brows drawing together, your lips parted, eyes so dilated your pupils are taking over, just a thin ring of your iris left. Your lashes are lowered, and his hand stops yours now, as it’s playing with your soppy little cunt, you tremble before him.
“I see, I must help you, guide you. To get this… affliction taken care of. Yes?” You nod eagerly, then Father Gojo pulls you to his lap, and you’re straddling him, your hands sliding up to feel his strong shoulders under his robe, and he is touching your pussy instead, making you whimper. “Need me to save you, pretty little sinner?”
“Please save me. Please. Ah!” Satoru sinks two long fingers deep inside your eager little entrance, you gasp at it as he slips into your gummy walls, drippy and so tight. He’s paused, moaning and looking right into your eyes, you drown in his blue gaze, as your cunt drools down his hand. “Father Gojo… please…”
“Begging for it, are you? So tight, it’s so… have you had anything inside this perfect little pussy?” He huffs, feeling how you’re squeezing his fingers, then he hits some spot that makes you see stars, pumping up and down over and over. You cling to him, eyes fluttering shut. “Answer me, be a good girl for once, would you?”
Good girl for once.
There’s no hope for you.
“Nothing… no one… just you, Father Gojo. Mmm!” You’re covering your mouth as he keeps pumping, and he moans, dreaming of breaking you in all the ways he could, taking your innocence for himself. It’s surely what god is wanting, and who is he but god’s disciple himself? He thrusts those fingers knuckles deep, watching you fall apart over him.
“There, you’re loving this, fingers stretching your pussy, don’t you?” You nod weakly, gushing down his hand, you can hear the squishing wetness of your pussy as he now slides a thumb, rolling it over your clit.
“F-father Gojo!”
“Sinful girl.” He huffs, as you’ve buried your face against his neck, rocking against his hand, those long fingers fucking you so good it’s painful, moaning.
“Mmm! Father Gojo, I will… be good… for you…”
“Will you?” You nod weakly, as Satoru rolls your clit expertly, and you feel the pressure building, you’re panting, ready to combust. “I feel it, you’re so close, aren’t you?”
You’re nodding, hips grinding, now you’re soaking his robes, he’s picturing sliding his cock inside you, breaking you, until your sins are cleansed, and you’re picturing him taking you, defiling you in every way your hectic mind can picture. Both of you are about to cum, you’re not even touching Satoru though, you want to, fuck you want to.
“Close, m’close… p-please…” You’re begging for release, seeing stars as he works your now sloppy cunt.
“I've got you, you can let go, you're safe with me, let me see your sins so I can cleanse them.” He urges you on, bringing you higher and higher with those long, slick fingers.
“Father, it's... I'm gonna... mmm!” You're so close, soaking the sleeve of his robe now. And he's so ready to slide into your eager cunt, looking up at you behind snowy lashes.
“Show me how you sin, let me watch you cum, so I can... help you.” He whispers, and you fall apart then, pulsing around his fingers, and he groans as he watches you, pressing up so deep. You’re gushing so much arousal, he can smell your sweet scent, as you scream out into your little hand, shaking.
Satoru is now sliding his fingers out, you whine, wanting more, especially when he is sucking your juices off his fingers, making you gasp. His cheeks hollow, his eyes fluttering shut as he tastes you, your mouth drops open, breaths making you quicken, your heart pounding in your ears as you try to come down.
Your thighs are trembling over him, entire body lit up from cumming so hard, his snowy lashes cast shadows on his cheeks, before fluttering up, looking at you, your arousal coating his lips. “Oh my God.”
More sinning.
“You’re not being a very good girl.” He admonishes, but then his lips quirk up. “But, you taste too sweet to be bad. Or perhaps you yourself are sin.” Father Gojo whispers to you now, and you’re leaning closer, rolling your hips, making him groan, his hands gripping your little waist as your heat brushes against his cock. “Has it alleviated some of your… need, my child?”
He’s smirking at you, in a way no priest should! You sigh then, shaking your head. “No, Father, it’s only made it worse! You must help me more, I’m afraid now I’m thinking of sinning even more, and who I’ve been dreaming of.” You say then, it’s a whisper, as the room is hot from your breaths, smelling like sweet arousal.
Satoru blinks then, thin white brows going together, jaw clenching. “You’re thinking of fucking your own priest? That is a sin.”
“I know! It’s a terrible affliction. Oh Father, I’m going to hell.” You whisper, blinking back tears, still reeling from the aftershocks of cumming. Satoru arches his hips now, brushing his cock against your pussy, and you nearly scream out, head falling back, exposing your throat to him, and he pictures his hand wrapping a rosary around your neck, pulling tight.
You’ve dreamt of him too!? Surely this must be a sign.
A temptation.
But does he want to fight it? Your taste is all over his mouth now, as he feels your sexy little body against him, his hands brushing against your breasts, watching your nipples perk up. You look at him with intoxicated eyes, lips parted, your tiny hands clinging to his robes as you grind again, and he shudders at how fucking good it feels, your heat on him.
“I see… Well you must come to me tomorrow, and we will have to try harder, to save your soul.” He says huskily, you nod eagerly, as he helps you off him, his cock close to cumming, already twitching, he slides your soaked, ruined panties into his robes, you surely do not need them anymore.
“What if I have another dream father!”
“Do not touch yourself, I will help you when you come in, that’s so we can try to save you, yes?” You nod then, leaning close to his lips.
“Father, is it a sin to kiss your lips?”
“Not if you feel a calling, surely God wishes you to.” He murmurs, and you peck a sweet kiss on his lips, tasting yourself on him, before forcing yourself out of the cramped quarters, body on fire, leaving Satoru to finish stroking his cock, cumming as he shoves your panties against his face.
******
You’re dreaming of him again, of Father Gojo, this time his snowy white hair is brushing against your thighs, his tongue is lapping up all the dripping wetness, his big hands pressing into the plush of your thighs. You wake up throbbing, crying out, seeing how wet you are, as the ceiling fan whirls, failing to cool your overheated flesh. Father Gojo’s fingers made it worse, your affliction!
The next day you’re painfully turned on, pussy aching for more, you followed his instructions and did not touch yourself, instead you forced yourself to go back to sleep, now you’re in the nearly empty church, knocking at the door of Father Gojo’s office. You hear his deep voice speak.
“Come in.” You nervously walk in, you are wearing a shorter blue sundress today, and no panties. You know Father Gojo will see how sinful you are, but when you see his perfect face, and him wearing a thinner, lighter white robe, your pussy is already making your thighs sticky. “My child, lock that door, so we can have privacy… we would not want your confessions judged.”
“Yes, thank you Father.” You lock the door with a click, stepping to him, your heels clicking on the wooden floor of his room. He’s sitting in his chair, fingers steepled, studying your body carefully.
“Do you have any updates on your affliction, pretty girl?”
“Pretty girl…” You’re blushing worse now.
“I feel I must call you what the lord is telling me. Is that alright with you?” You nod nervously, standing before him, the desk separating you. “So how were your dreams last night?”
“They were of you again, Father Gojo. I’m so sorry!”
You cover your face in embarrassment, hearing the soft thumps of his shoes as he comes to you, taking you by your wrists, big hands enveloping the delicate wrists entirely. Your head tilts back to look at him, he’s so tall and big… you’re drinking in the sight of him, his black rosaries hanging across his broad chest.
“You must tell me these dreams, so I may help you. Perhaps they’re some sign that we must see.”
“You… you were licking me, between my thighs.” His nostrils flare slightly, those swirling blue eyes thirsty as he studies you, your thighs shift, his hands still tight on your wrists.
“Your slutty little pussy, I was licking it?” Your pussy is clenching, tummy coiling, at his nasty, sinful words, from such a pure man. You nod then. “I see, there’s no choice, we must see what enacting your dreams does. To try to save you.”
“Y-yes, father, I think so too.” You whisper, hands sliding up and down his chest, watching his Adam's apple bob under that white collar. “Does it ever get uncomfortable, Father Gojo?”
“At times. Take it off for me.” He turns and you undo the collar, when he turns back you see it, his strong neck, the muscles corded, you bite your lower lip, earning him pulling it from your teeth. “This dream, describe it, so I can help you.”
You’re a flustered mess, especially after his fingers yesterday, and all the dreams you’ve been having. You take several breaths now. “You were licking me.”
“More descriptive.” He murmurs now, sitting you up on his desk, shocking you, then he slides up your skirt and smirks, wicked priest that he is, blue eyes darting back up to yours. “No panties, your soul is so slutty.”
“I… well… Father Gojo!” Satoru’s rubbing your clit with his thumb, watching you writhe on his desk now, as he sits back in his black chair, scooting up, his breath right against you.
“You wanted this, to be bare in front of me, didn’t you pretty little sinner?”
“Y-yes, I told you, I’m going to hell, mmm!”
He’s kissing your thighs, your hands enwrap in his silky white hair now, his breaths higher and higher, eying your perfect, glistening pussy. He’s dying to feel you dripping down his tongue, dying to drink your sweet nectar flowing when he’s opening up the lips of your pussy, and you’re making those pretty sounds, you’re so pathetic already, he thinks.
“No, I will save you, don’t you believe in me, pretty? I alone speak for God, I’m the honored one.” His words along with his eyes, those glittery blue storms that see right through you, as if they know your every sin, wreck you now. He surely must be the honored one.
“You’ll save me, I know you will.” You whisper, caressing his cheek now, and he moans softly, just urging you on more.
“That’s a good girl. Now tell me, what did I do in this dream?”
“You licked me, here.” You touch your slit, and he slides his tongue up it now, making you gasp, his tongue is so hot and wet, you’re gushing just from that. Satoru moans, kissing right over your clit before swiping his tongue again. “Father!”
“Shh, lest they hear your sinful mouth.” He whispers, and you clench your teeth, nodding as you watch him, he is placing your feet on either arm of his chair. “And you did not play with yourself?”
“I swear I did not, Father Gojo! I listened. Please…” You arch your hips up, full pussy in his face, and Satoru begins to devour you now, spreading your lips and flicking his tongue on your little swollen clit over and over. You have to slap a hand over your mouth, his rosary is cool against your inner thigh as he works your pussy, just like your dream.
Satoru’s tongue is wicked, for such a holy man you think, and it does the most wicked things to you, no dream could prepare you, even his fingers had not. He sucks your clit into his hot open mouth, moaning as your juices coat his tongue, looking up at you as you cling to his hair with one hand, the other muffling your cry as you feel yourself begin to cum.
Soon you are cumming right on Father Gojo’s face, your thighs shaking on either side of his head, pussy pulsing around nothing, and he’s drinking you up, so lewd in the quiet church office. You’re jerking now, as he leans up, half his pretty face shining with your slick, making you flush at how much there was. Your hand eases down, now just gasping for breath as you look at him.
“And now, my child, how is this affliction?” He whispers, leaning up and laying atop you, pressing you into the wooden desk. You lean up, kissing him once more, earning his moan, tasting yourself all over him, he grabs you by the throat then, long fingers wrapping as he pulls back. “How hard do I have to work to save your slutty little soul, hmm?”
“I’m sorry, Father Gojo. It was so amazing… but I just want more, I fear I’m having more lustful thoughts of you now.” Your hand slides down now, cupping him where he’s thick and hard, and he squeezes your throat harder now, his thumb on your racing pulse.
“And what else is in that little brain of yours? What lewd fantasies of your priest, hmm?”
“Sucking your cock, that’s what.” He groans now, pulling you down and putting you to your knees. You look up eagerly, now Satoru is undressing, and you finally get glimpses of his body, of hard muscles and planes as he’s taking off his robes, now opening his pants for you, revealing a huge, thick cock. You gulp as you drink in the sight of it.
“And do you know what to do, how to serve me, my child?” He asks, you shake your head. “Yet you’ve dreamt it?”
“Yes, Father.”
“Then it’s surely meant to be, hmm? First, slide down your top.” You do as he says, and he moans as he sits back in his chair, gripping your bare breasts. “My God, you’re made to ruin me. Come here, open your mouth.”
You do as he says, and Father Gojo now guides you by your hair, hair he wraps around his fist, guiding you down on his cock. His curved pink tip is leaking white pearly substance, which you tongue out, earning his grown, his head falling back. You suck him eagerly, swirling your tongue, as his eyes watch you, lidded and dazed, tasting his saltiness and sweetness eagerly.
“You’re far too good at this, are you sure you haven’t been sucking cock, like a sinful brat?” You pull back with a pop, saliva dripping down your lips.
“No, I only want to serve you, Father.”
“Mmm, you’re so precious.” He whispers, before shoving your mouth back on him, and you’re bobbing up and down as he pulls your hair, using it to glide you up and down his length. Your eyes water, your nose starts running as his cock is choking you, your pussy throbbing even more. “Fuck…”
“Father, did you cuss?” You ask, pulling back, with a shy little grin, earning Father Gojo’s smirk.
“I’m allowed to, it’s all God’s words. Now are you finally satisfied, or do we need to go further? Do I need to break your pretty little pussy?” He murmurs, his words like a drug, running his thumb across your lower lip. You nod then, weakly, and his lips part, eyes studying you. “Then ask me, on your knees so pretty, like you’re praying.” He puts your hands in prayer position, blue eyes lighting up.
“Please, break me, Father Gojo.” He pulls you up now, kissing you deeply, tongues so unpracticed and messy, you’ve never really even kissed, but now you feel him, filling you once more with those two fingers as he bends low.
“Turn around and bend over, sweet sinner.” You turn, and now Father Gojo has slid your dress down, leaving you in just your heels, his big hands gliding down every line and curve of your bare body. “I said bend over.”
He smacks you sharply on your backside, making you gasp then whine out, as he presses your upper back between your shoulder blades, your face against his desk. He then takes your hands, putting them behind your back and wrapping them with his black beaded rosary. You whine out at the sensation, he pulls it so tightly it’s digging in, shoving the cross in your palms.
“Hold on to that cross while I fuck your innocent little pussy. Feel it against your skin as I do.” He says, whispering in your ear. You nod, feeling the sharp cool silver digging in, as the beads dig into your bound wrists. “Good girl, spread those thighs.”
You do as he says, and then his tip is in, stretching you, and you’re shivering, breaths coming faster and faster. Satoru shoves his cock inside you, tearing at your little barrier. You cry out at the pain, and he pauses for a moment, moaning, letting you adjust. “H-hurts…”
“Just a moment of pain to fill you with my light.” He murmurs, sinking deeper, and your walls are fluttering around his cock, earning his groan. “You’re so wet for me, aren’t you? Did you want me to take it, your innocence?”
“I’ve w-wanted you, so long… played with… a long ah- time.” He moans now, sliding back out and in, you’re so wet and ready the pain eases quickly, as he takes you from behind now, pulling on your neck, pressing your bound hands firmer against your back, whispering in your ear.
“You sinned so long, playing with this pussy thinking of me?” You nod weakly, hiccuping on a cry as he’s pumping now, taking you over, stretching your tight cunt out so much, your skin burns, but you crave it.
You’re going to hell, surely.
But it seems worth it to be stretched by his cock so well.
“Y-yes… a long time. S-sorry Father…”
“Just Satoru when you cum all over my cock, hmm?” You nod weakly, then he fucks you harder now, thighs smacking your skin, his pelvis smacking your now sore ass cheeks, balls smacking your clit. “Ah, and you’re close already and your first time? You were made for this, weren’t you?”
“Yes, yes, yes, Satoru!” You scream out so loud he’s palming your mouth with his huge hand, taking over your face, shoving his cock in and rolling his hips, making you climax so hard you cannot see. You weakly drool out of your lips onto his hand, as he feels your velvety walls fluttering around him.
You are made for this, for his cock, to take him. Your sweet virgin pussy is getting so filled by Father Gojo’s huge cock, but you’re already taking him so well. Father Gojo knows then that your dreams and his must be for a better purpose, to fuck you and fill you with all of his light, surely. You’re taking him more and more, cumming so hard your cunt is drooling everywhere.
He lets your face go, looking at your fucked out expression, your mouth is wide open, that drool dangling out the corner, your eyes are rolled back, lashes fluttering, your ass arching up for more. You’re such a sinful creature, but he knows your innocence was made for just him, clearly. You would not have anyone else, he would surely see to it.
It’s God's calling.
You’re pounded and stuffed by his huge cock, your breasts bouncing with each thrust, ass jiggling with the force, then Satoru pulls your chin to face him, he’s so fuzzy, you keep shutting your eyes.
“Look at me, my child, now.” He whispers, and you open your eyes, staring into his weakly as his thrusts slow.
“Y-yes, Satoru…” He moans at the use of his name from your pretty lips.
“I’m saving you, through… mmm… God’s wisdom.”
“Thank you, thank you!” You’re trembling, he’s rolling his hips and that tip is dragging on your spot, you struggle to focus on his pretty face, the sun from the blinds filtering in behind his head, and then he looks like an angel. The cross is digging in so much your hand is bleeding just a bit, but you truly couldn’t care, his cock feels too good inside you.
“Do you want me to… fill you…” He’s crying out then, grabbing you so tightly you can’t breathe. “With God’s love… and light?”
“Please, fill me Father- ah!” Satoru starts pumping faster and faster, yanking on your rosary so hard it breaks as he begins to cum, the beads flinging and clattering all over the wooden floor, the cross still digging into your broken palm.
“Going to put… so much… light in you… fill you-” He moans loudly then, and you feel hot liquid pumping inside, bringing you to cum with him, as it coats your walls, hot and sticky. “Feel it? Feel me filling you with it?”
“I do! I do… Father Gojo… feel it.” You whine out, rolling your hips to milk him for every bit of his hot white ropes.
“Oh… Mmm…” He’s pumping more cum inside you now, but you’re so wet and still convulsing, so it’s dripping down his cock with your arousal. Satoru exhales, pulling out and then wiping you up, turning you gently, gulping as he kisses you once more. “You were sent here to destroy me.”
“Father, I’m afraid… I only want to do it more.” You whisper, he groans, cupping your face, as you bring up your hand to him, where the cross has left red marks on your palm, he traces it, the perfect symbol of the cross, with little blood drops streaking. You wince in pain.
“I see, it’s a sign we must continue.” He says, and you nod eagerly, as he holds your hand in his.
“We must, Father Gojo.”
*****
The next Sunday, you’re sitting in the very front for the sermon, watching as Father Gojo is licking a thumb and turning a page, his blue eyes darting to your thighs, today you’re wearing a pink summer dress. Father Gojo has stolen a pair of your panties, he thinks you don’t notice, but you do, so you decide not to wear any again, opening your legs for a moment.
Father Gojo gets a glimpse of your bare, glistening pussy right in that church, making his cock hard in front of a room full of hundreds of his followers. Luckily the brown stand in front of him covers up such evidence, as he looks over at your face when you cross your sexy legs, you smile up at him, blinking innocently.
But you’re not innocent, not anymore, are you? No, you’re the worst sinner he’s tried to save, and he thinks he’ll have to work harder to save you. And when you’re riding his cock in the confessional later that evening, and he’s biting on your breasts, you’re riding him so well, moans muffled in the tiny room, he’s not sure he can save you truly, you’re too full of sin.
Father Gojo enjoys your slutty soul and your soaking wet pussy on him far, far too much, especially filling you with his cum light.
Serving Father Gojo is perfectly fine, it's God's will after all 🙏 Nanami and Geto drabbles coming some time too <3 Reblog if you're a sinner <3
AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/60569476
#gojo x reader#satoru x reader#gojo smut#jjk gojo#gojo satoru#jjk smut#satoru gojo smut#satoru gojo x you#satoru gojo x reader#satoru gojo x y/n#priest gojo#Priest Satoru Gojo#gojo satoru smut#jjk x reader#gojo satoru x reader#jujutsu gojo#gojo x female reader
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#i did a deep dive through some stuff looking for a really old wip that i was reminded of by a discord server#(alas did not find it :c#but oh my god#I booted up my old macbook that i haven't used in over 6 years just to see if maybe it was saved on there#and i found so much stuff#a lot of really bad memories/reminders of my marriage and ideals that i used to have#it was just not great and led to a whole fucking fiasco on my PC when I turned off the macbook cause fucking GOOGLE#but anyways I found some old fanfics that I wrote when I was like 15-17 lmao#it was like three different stories in one document for some reason but they were for two different fandoms? Why were they even together id#but it was sg1 and supernatural cause yeah I was that kind of teenager#(this was pre-tumblr era; i didn't join tumblr till i was like 20 and that was STILL 11 years ago)#i didn't even read the whole document cause the font size was all over the place for some reason and really hard to read#but i copy/pasted it into a google document so that i could remove it from that computer and read it again#definitely some OC's and very much of the Mary Sue variety#there was a whole family of OC's and I don't remember at all where I dragged those ones out of or what their story was supposed to be#but it's intrigued me tbh; maybe i can revamp them lmao#i caught myself in my own plot twist though cause i was reading it and had a WHAT moment at a reveal that i forgot about#this was clearly back before i felt the need to compile story notes too#either i had more confidence in my memory when ideas struck or i was just pulling all of it directly out of my ass#which the latter is way more plausible tbh#i'm going to read through this document more thoroughly tonight now that i have it as a uniform font size#it's nearly 20k words between the three or four stories in the document though which surprised me tbh#kee speaks#OH and also I found another really short blurb of some OC's that I have introduced here before#It's Tyr and Brennan from before I changed their names and I'm not entirely sure what my plan had been for it#but it's basically word vomit of me trying to get the imagery and visceral whump description of sensations onto the page#followed up with really cute comfort cuddling which made me all 'd'aww' over my own characters lmao#maybe I can run with that one and actually make it into a story
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