#me back again with my very rusty german

[chessholic]

No Human Could Ever

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The Toymaker

X

Reader

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Summary: The Toymaker wasn't... A normal boyfriend you could say. Did he really love you, you couldn't help but wonder if it was better to be with a human.

Author's Note: This was a request @all-seeingeye . Sorry for taking this long, my health hasn't been the best, but now I am able to write again! Yay! So I truly hope you like this, I am a bit rusty... Anyways, I hope you enjoy and have an amazing spring. :)

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You loved the man, without a doubt, however lately you had been thinking about what your life would be with a... Normal boyfriend.

Your eyes slowly moved scanning the man behind the counter. The german fagaçe was on as you liked to think. The Toymaker had many sides to him, each slightly different from each other. You loved him dearly, but you would sometimes think that who did you exactly love?

Who exactly was the Toymaker?

Your stomach twisted making you feel sick. Was everything just an act of his? Were you a prop for one of his "sides"? But most importantly, did the Toymaker love you?

Did he really even love you?

Your mouth felt dry and your hands needed something to do. You started to organise one of the shelves in the shop. However once your thoughts let themselves in, they were not going to leave anytime soon.

Maybe you should have fallen in love with a human instead? Guilt flooded your head instantly after the thought.

"Do you love me?", you asked quietly, your voice was uneven. Even the desert of Sahara had more water than your mouth had saliva. Your hands instead were clammy and cold.

Were you really panicking?

"Und what is that question meine libeling?", The Toymaker asked not really paying attention to your shaking body.

Were you shaking? Apparently, yes.

"Cut it out! Just say that you don't love me!", you cried out afraid your legs wouldn't work. You couldn't see his reaction, your back was turned to him.

"What is wrong my dear?", a soft and smooth hypnotizing voice asked close to your ear making shivers go down your spine. The Toymaker had dropped the german accent making you realise he didn't appreciate you yelling at him.

A tear rolled down your cheek, and after that tears just kept coming.

"I- I just. Do you love me?", you asked again feeling how his hands snaked their way around you. Pulling your back to his chest.

He pressed his lips to your ear and was quiet for a moment.

"And what makes you ask that question?", The Toymaker quietly asked. His warmness was comforting, his scent wrapped you into a safe bubble.

"I don't know what is 'you', what truly is the real you?", you quietly asked closing your eyes.

The Toymaker was quiet, his grip got a little tighter around you.

"I am the Toymaker", he whispered while pressing feathery kisses down to your neck making you shiver again. Then he got back to your ear again.

"And The Toymaker loves you my dear, and I can say, he loves you very much"

He stopped with the small kisses and you could feel the Cheshire cat smile spreading on his face.

The Toymaker raised his lips one last time to your ear and whispered.

"Oh, and The Toymaker is going to show you know how much he loves you. And it is so much that no human could ever love you that much"

That moment you knew, that he most definitely knew.

ー

[fraudulent-cheese]

So i watched episodes 3 to 8 of Pahkitew Island

Again, watched these with my buddy @rockin-it-rusty! And, holy shit these episodes have got me genuinly wondering why Pahkitew's so hated.

I'll go over the negatives first; the challenges are kinda eh. The Truth or Scare one is great, and the cave one is interesting due to it's hints at the Fake Island reveal (as heavy handed as they were), but most of these were just pretty out there to me? They mostly felt like an excuse to put the characters in situations mostly. Just have Topher make a narration joke, give Max and Scarlett an interaction, have Sky and Dave dance around eachother all due to a thing the challenge made them do. I don't mind the first two much, but the last one gets super repetitive man. Glad they mixed it up a bit by making Shawn try to wingman Dave though, i like their friendship! im a bigger dashawn shipper now oops

ANYWAYS IMA TALK ABOUT THE CHARACTERS NOW BECAUSE LET'S BE HONEST, THE CHARACTERS CARRY THE SHOW!

Amy... Ok im very mixed on her. On one hand, she serves her role as the mean twin relatively well. But on the other, that's all she really is! Her one trait is being mean and hating her sister, and that's all she really does! Granted she has a thing? Where she gets sayings (?) wrong, or just gets words wrong (she says parfait is german. it's french. i would know) which! could hint at something! (maybe less smart than her sister?) but they don't do shit with her outside of her swimming back to the island in episode 5. god i wanna rewrite this season so badly now to give her a bigger role. idk shoutouts to Twinning with a Twist for redeeming her while still giving her some edge ig.

Rodney. i uh

I haven't thought about him since his elimination honestly. I just doooooon't care about him it's crazy. Most forgettable guy in the entire series.

Sammy! Ok back to the siblings rambles! I wish the show leaned into her scheming more. Girl in five episodes pulled identity theft and did nothing else. Why. Her relationship with Jasmine is adorable, and i wish she got Jasmine to call her by her actual name, and a personality too! It's really a shame man :(

Sidenote, but like her team fucking hated her for some reason??? Like what. I know it's because of that one scene, but really?

Ella!! My sweet girl Ella!!! She didn't do anything wrong man she just likes singing leave her alone!!! Chris really fucking hates her and it's pretty entertaining at least, but i'd say his beef with Topher's funnier. She has a nice singing voice, and i love how passionate she is about fairytales and stuff. You could do so much with the Prince thing and the show... didn't. Like what even was that. Conflict that wasn't one that lasts an episode. what

Gotta say though, her elimination was fucking ass, Max 100% should've been kicked instead of her.

Topher. Ah the opher. He's a special case, even in the context of Pahkitew Island itself! Because the dude's not here for the game. He's here to meet his idol, Chris Mclean (he really knows how to pick em, huh). I like the progression he's got, from wanting his approval to straight up wanting to host the game instead of him. I'll admit, my opinion's a little skewed since i am mutuals with the Topher guy on Tumblr, but i like him regardless!

His relationship with Chris is easily one of the more interesting parts of the season, mostly because a 30-something year old dude having beef with a teenage fan is hilarious, and you could definitely spin it in a sad way from Topher's perspective.

It also helps that he's genuinely funny! His few interactions with the other campers are also pretty fun, he dgaf about them it's great.

Im kind of mixed on Dave, i'll be real. On one hand, im glad they ditched the whole "he doesn't like anyone on this Island" trait three episodes in because that would've gotten. SO ANNOYING. SO FAST. (hell i'd argue it was already annoying), and him being a hopeless romantic could be a fun trait, if done right. It also helps that he's really pathetic and i find that funny. His friendship with Shawn's fun too!

But on the other hand... Yeah, even before the finale the Skave plotline's really boringgg. They just dance around eachother for half the season for like! No reason! Please just have a conversation, even if it takes other people to sit them down to have it! I know why they didn't because the finale needed them to not actually talk about it but at least have Sky tell him she'll explain later or have him not be a coward and ask her about it himself!!! ack!!

Also the thing with him and Ella went literally nowhere. I have 0 feelings about it because it's just there for some reason. Idk they just really wanted to shoehorn in romance for every girl this season huh.

Scarlett's a really underutilized character pre-Island reveal. The bulk of her interactions with the other campers are with Max, who has a ton of screentime for some reason (which i don't personally really mind but i'll explain later) which honestly sucks because she's a fun character! I want to compare her to Twilight Sparkle at the very start of MLP. She's smart, she knows it, she can communicate with her teammates just fine and just chooses not to usually. I like her alot! Im just... really disapointed that she's so in the background usually; if anyone's a wasted character in tdpi, outside of the Twins i'd say it's her.

Her legit wanting to kill Max is great though. That's how i'd react to him irl. Don't get the Max saying she had a crush on him three episodes in, or the quip Chris made during the team switching tho.

SPEAKING OF WHICH, MAX! I swear, i was convinced i'd find this guy annoying pre-watch but uh... I like this guy! No really, i do! He's like Mal, only the narrative doesn't take him seriously in the slightest and it's hilarious to watch! Im like Sugar in that one clip, i am laughing at this buffoon's intelligence, and his stupid catchphrase, and his "evil" plans, and his general delivery! Max is funny!

Even when the Scarlett "minion" thing kicked in i still found him funny! Don't get me wrong, i wish he'd gotten out earlier (ESPECIALLY when he was supposed to get kicked in the episode Ella got eliminated into) or just gotten less screentime in general, but in the season proper, yeah he's a funny guy! Big gimmick, but i like him! Please don't add nuance to him, i don't care

Jasmine... certaintly exists! I'd call her the Season's rock, the one character that's emotionally intelligent on the show. She's fun in general, and also the only one noticing things going wrong with the robotic island. As said before, her relationship with Sammy is great to see, and i wished we'd see more of her and Sky's friendship and uh. For there to be more between her and Shawn? Because the only things i've retained is that they blushed at eachother once and then trust issues party because he hit her once during a challenge and that completely broke her trust in him - which, could be an interesting aspect of her character to explore since if that's all it took for her to pull a 180 on Shawn, the girl must have a complicated relationship with trust. That's an interesting flaw! It also shows up with her rapport in Sky in the later episodes of this batch, and. GOD. I wish it was developped man!

The issue? Yeah it's dragged on so longggg man! It's frustating to watch frankly because i really wish they'd resolve this conflict quicker since it's like. The same thing every episode :( to my knowledge it's solved in episode 9, but it did NOT need to be dragged out for 4 episodes.

Unrelated to her charater, but her height difference with the other campers is kind of ridiculous. In some shots the characters look so small compared to her it's crazyyy

Ok, now. Sugar. I'll be honest? She's great! She's just a menace and doing her own thing and it's fun to watch! She's also interesting in terms of backstory since she's canonically a pageant queen; her relationship with Ella is greatly impacted by this, since she heavily suspects her of lying to her face when it's just. Ella being Ella. Similar thing to her opinion on Topher; she doesn't like him for his sucking up to Chris, the host (something that Rusty probably agrees with). I fucking wish she was more popular because then people would look into her more, but alas. She's a female, plus sized character in Pahkitew Island, so considering the Fandom's biases, it was never going to happen. U_U

OK TIME FOR ZOMBIE BOY. So, Shawn. He's definitely more present in these episodes than he was before, and, again, i think he's fun! He's a weird little guy. He's got interesting skills (his camouflage, legit parkour, general athleticism) and his personality's interesting as well compared to the other guys. The zombie thing is fine, actually, because they do different things with it over the course of these episodes. Not much to say about him, he's a solid character to me and i wish he had more interactions with the cast outside of Dave and his pining for Jasmine. Who he's talked to like, five times at this point? Again, they probably should've talked stuff out faster than this for me to actually enjoy it. Oh well.

And finally, Sky. She's an interesting case for me? She's fine, mostly. She's the Normal Person™️ of the cast to me, and that means she really struggles to grab me. It's made worse by her main plot being a basic romance plot where the gimmick is that she's a reasonable human being and Dave isn't. And neither are able to have a normal fucking conversation about it either. The mixed signals thing could've been interesting, but this is Fresh TV writters, so of course it didn't end up that way. I assume the episodes without Dave are the ones where her personality shines more? Because so far she's just been really reserved and calm. And said she'd "focus on the competition only" And then. Doesn't. Really. God i wish this season treated it's female characters better :(

OK SO OVERALL THOUGHTS:

Im mixed on alot of the character decisions

god i wished these people talked more

the screentime is not well split among the cast

the romance plots and pacing of the Island plot are the weakest parts of this season

the challenges are fine

Why does Chef have 5 lines total.

Pahkitew Island does NOT deserve the overly negative rep it gets in this Fandom, at least based on the first 8 episodes.

[cin-cant-donate-blood]

One of the weirder hot takes you get from grammar prescriptivists is that reinforcing double negatives ("you didn't see nothing") are somehow inherently incorrect or a sign of stupidity.

Incoming: a short rant about linguistic prescriptivism and then an excerpt from the Canterbury Tales.

Firstly, there are more languages than English, and in many of them it is the norm that negatives reinforce, rather than cancel each other out. You might say "yeah but not in English," but you're objectively wrong. Several dialects and sociolects of English use reinforcing double negatives, it's just that you're dismissing the people who use them as either stupid, non-fluent, or both (the idea that a well functioning adult could lack fluency in their own native language is preposterous by the way). The racial dimension is too obvious to even be worth diving into.

However, I think the thing that annoys me the most is the resounding ignorance and arrogance of the people who think like this. Sure, the part where you assume that every language and every dialect follows the same grammatical rules as your own is a common enough mistake, but the irony is that by insisting on this, you're showing your own ignorance of the language with a gesture intended to signal your superior grasp of it.

The average linguistic prescriptivist is in my experience not very well educated in language, not its formal rules, not the scientific study of it, and certainly not with its literature. They tend to occupy the "knows enough to think they know something, but not enough to realize how little they know" section of the Dunning-Kruger curve.

Note that this graph is a simple representation of an idea, not the result of a study or anything like that. The numbers and relative positions here are made up. That's how the curve manages to slope back in on itself after the peak.

What I mean is, they tend to know enough to be moderately aware of the formal rules of "standard" English, without any grasp of the real nature of a language (usually conceiving of it as some kind of ideal object that can be "correctly matched with" in an objective way), and even more damning, without a lot of experience actually engaging with that language beyond speech and simple text.

At best, they know some factoids from high school about how you're not supposed to end a sentence with a preposition (it's fine, actually, English is a Germanic language which means it loves shifting word order around) and such.

Anyway, here's a quadruple negative used in a reinforcing manner by Geoffrey Chaucer, arguably the founder of English-language literature, while describing the knight character in the prologue to the Canterbury Tales. A genuinely good writer that, along with Shakespeare and many others, one must presume that these prescriptivists have never read, at least not closely, though they in my experience tend to pretend they have.

At mortal batailes hadde he been fiftene,

And foughten for our faith at Tramissene

In listes thries and ay slain his fo.

This ilke worthy Knight hadde been also

Sometime with the lord of Palatye

Again another hethen in Turkye;

And everemore he hadde a soverein pris.

And though that he were worthy, he was wis,

And of his port as meeke as is a maide.

He nevere yit no vilainye ne saide

In al his lif unto no manere wight:

He was a verray, parfit, gentil knight.

Or, if your Middle English is rusty, here's my rough translation:

He had been at fifteen tournaments to the death

And he had fought for our faith at Tramissene (Tlemcen, Algeria)

In three lists (tournament grounds) and always slain his foe.

This same worthy knight had also been

Some time with the lord of Palatye (the Emir of Balat, Turkey)

Against another heathen in Turkey;

And evermore he had a superior reputation.

And he was every bit as wise as he was bold.

And his demeanor: as meek as a maid.

He never yet no rude thing hadn't said

In all his life to no kind of person:

He was a true, perfect, noble knight.

Anyway, in conclusion, prescriptivists shut the fuck up.

[casxmanis]

(Art by ThiccSnick on Discord, please support them if you can!)

Hey!

Welcome to my blog! Most of the things you need to know about me are already in the picture above!

As you can see, I'm refreshing it so I can finally reorganize and start everything from scratch again. I feel like I'm lazing off reblogging without any tags at all these days, and it can definitely be annoying to many. It feels.. messy. There's also my old interests that I don't indulge in anymore, and I'd rather not have people follow me for that sole reason. They will be reblogged over to a sideblog instead.

But anyway! I don't post BTD or horror content anymore. It has been damaging my own sanity, and I wasn't very mentally well at that time at the moment of posting those contents.

What I do post and reblog are mostly fitness, Alternative bands (mostly Industrial-leaning), motivational quotes, punk/Goth fashion and dark aesthetics. Maybe some Joan Jett, Rhea Ripley, and Brody Dalle too. Alt women are so cool!

Additional Info

Neurodivergency

Gender Identity & Sexuality

I'm diagnosed with PTSD, Dissociative Identity Disorder (I'm a protector + host!), and Autism. I also struggle with my math and poor motor skills. On top of that, my anxiety is also all over the place. Therefore, I do struggle to get on with my day sometimes with these issues, so please be patient with me!

You may follow my sideblogs here made by my alters from my system:

@peanutmcflurry - Host + Trauma Holder

@moda-alice - Caretaker

I used to identify as a trans masc person during my teens but after going through my own personal journey, I came to realize I wasn't exactly a trans masc person and desisted back to a bisexual cis woman. I did suffered under some form of internal misogynism and thought of femininity as something weak, so I used to try and appear as trans masc to appear like I'm "stronger" and more "unique than the other girls.". It's pathetic, and I am definitely deeply ashamed of that.

HOWEVER, this does not mean that gender criticals and TERFs should be welcomed on my blog. And I certainly do not appreciate anyone using my story to make some form of fear-mongering against trans and queer people. Everyone's journeys are different!

(Desisting meaning that I have not gone through any form of trans affirming healthcare, but I had identified as a trans/queer person before.)

Languages & Culture

I'm a Malay-Singaporean and lived here since birth. I mostly speak and type in English. It's easier for me to do that. I'm technically Indonesian-descent since I do have Javanese and Bugis ancestry in me. I'm also aware how I'm honestly aware that my culture's very underrepresented in the western media. Haha.

I do speak Malay and some Indonesian, but my skills in those are like, really rusty at the moment because I hardly consume content in those languages.

Malay and Indonesian are pretty similar, just like your Norsk languages or Dutch and German. It's just that I need sometime to read Indo properly or understand the slangs. It's not too bad, though.

Boundaries

1. Do not follow me if you're just in for Horrorporn/BTD content. I STRICTLY do not post those kinds of contents anymore.

2. TERFs, Gender Criticals, or any form of bigotry against marginalized groups are not welcome.

3. No flirting, unsolicited DMs.

I might add more if I needed to. But I believe that's about it for now. Thanks for reading this!

[vivyen-qwq]

Today I've seen all of the 8 Sonic Prime season 1 episodes and I must say, I WAS STUNNED.

Watch out! Includes spoilers!

It was amazing! Every universe was a good idea and I felt like I read through fanfictions. Also I felt like every single character was acting like they would do (so no shadow edgelord or dump knuckles).

Everyone had a special part!

Amy had her moment when they were in this wild wood AU (=Another Universe) (btw I dunno what they were called again. I forgot. xD)

Tails had his moment when Sonic was in this world with the eggman empire thing. Same with rouge there.

What I think about the characters:

I really liked how Rouge joined the crew and in my opinion, she should be more active in team sonic. I like seeing her on that team. Even if I love seeing her act in Team Dark, this was a special moment! I liked it when she had her moments with Knuckles. I am not a Knuxouge shipper, but these moments made me smile, 'cause they were acting like good friends.

When I looked at Tails in this wood AU, I was not very pleased, bc he acted like a wild animal. But he was still cute. Nine was the one which reminded me of the fanfiction "where was my hero" and I was really surprised when I saw his spider-like invention on his back!

What can I say about Amy? She was amazing. Even if 2 versions of her were evil, she was still good. I was a little bit disturbed when I saw her as "Rusty Rose" but it was still cool.

Eggman or these other versions of eggman were not really impressive for me. I felt like they were all a part of the scientist. Like in this disney movie: "inside out" So yeah it was a funny idea to have a baby in this, but it kinda got on my nerves. xD

Sonic was unbelievably well written! He cared about his friends, he was like he is! It was so whoaaa! He still had his rivalry with Shadow and the fighting scene was so well animated. I really liked the plot twist, that this all was actually his fault and that he learned to appreciate the moments and memories with his friends in these other worlds.

Gladly Shadow was not really an edgelord like he was before in the games. I cannot describe why I felt like that. He spoke so softly and had not this sharp voice like in Team sonic racing for example. (Btw I am talking about the german voice actor, bc I watched it in German.) What I didn't like was when he had barely any scenes but I am sure that he will get more of it in the future (if there will be a second season).

I mostly had my eyes on Knuckles this entire time (bc he is my fav character in this entire franchise) and felt good while watching Sonic prime.

Since I saw the Sonic Boom Series with "Boom Knuckles" in it, I wasn't sure if this series would make fun of him and turn him into a ... well I would say not a well written character again, but I was impressed that he had his badass moments. Of course there were a few scenes I didn't really enjoy but all in all. It was good as heck.

I really loved the part when he was captain and even if I thought he could never be a good comanda/ leader (bc in my opinion he really messed up in sonic forces) he did a very good job. Even if I hated the start at this Pirate-Universe where he hid when this other ship appeared, I like how it turned out at the end. It kinda scared me how he looked at the part of the paradox prism and I first thought he would turn evil or would betray his crew, but he didn't.

So, now I come to the animation part:

It was very detailed, like the ears were moving when Sonic and the others showed emotions or they walked. It was very cartoon-like animated but what can I say? It's a kids show. I found it kind of annoying when they repeated these whole scenes when Sonic fell down on his face or against the walls but yeah. It's still a show for kids.

Ohhhh and the references with tails code being 1992 or others were really cool.

What also caught my attention was these time skips. It was kind of confusing to understand but it was okay.

And some of the characters had FANGS! Ahhh! ><

I absolutely LOVED these pixel animation parts when they remembered a piece of the past.

Now to put it all into a summary:

It was a great series and I hope they are releasing a second season. ^w^

It was much better (IN MY OPINION) than I thought it would be.

[sokraaat]

I threw Senwar's wooden stick at them.

“I threw Senwar’s wooden stick at him or them” is a new Arabic proverb, which in some contexts, it can be used metaphorically to suggest taking a bold or significant stand or gesture of defiance.

And if you follow the news recently you probably know who Senwar is.

He threw his wooden stick at the face of the shit of this world and left.

2019, a lazy Friday afternoon. I’m sprawled out on the bed… breathing? Maybe. Eyes fixed on the ceiling, though, watching this tiny black dot—Henry, the jumping spider—crawling across the plain white. What a patience!

Radio’s yammering in the kitchen, something about the Middle East. My wife’s singing along, light, upbeat.

“Honey!” she called, voice lilting. “They reached an understanding! The war might end tomorrow! Isn’t that great news?” She wandered into the room. I know her footsteps; she glides, barely touching the ground. Her voice was always bright.

“We could visit your family soon, yeah? What do you think?” She caught me. “You’re stoned, aren’t you?” She laughed.

“I’m making steaks and salad. Could you grab us a couple of persimmons and some smoked Old Amsterdam from the store?”

Henry reached the other side of the ceiling, and I felt as white as the surface above his tiny hairy legs.

Smoked Old Amsterdam—Ha! No one smokes Old Amsterdam; she probably meant Gouda. Same difference. Just another cheese, and today there’s already plenty to celebrate.

I just picked up my passport—the German passport.

Weird in my hands, red and stiff and shiny, and I can’t quite sort what I’m feeling. She doesn’t know yet. She’d be overjoyed, talking about trips, freedom from visa lines, and all that. But to me, it’s weird—like finally opening that locked attic door in your grandfather’s house, only to find nothing special inside. Just four walls, dusty and quiet.

Was it ever worth it?

Meanwhile, the radio’s saying the war is ending. What a coincidence. I might even head to Yemen soon, maybe find a widow there and offer my condolences, knowing full well my taxes paid for that rocket that took her family.

Yeah, I protested, threw rocks, cursed on social media. I chanted, “ACAB!” in a cop’s face. Still, I paid my dues, feeding the beast with every paycheck—funding tax breaks for the German big arms manufacturers who sell their latest toys to the Emirates and Saudi Arabia. All to bomb Yemen.

Not the “people” though, they said, just the Houthis, the zealots dragging us back 1,000 years.

But five years in, and it’s just bombed-out houses, dead kids, wiped-out families. Houthis strut through “peace talks,” but the rusty hot pipes never stop blazing.

I bankrolled that, paid for all of it, and in return, got a slip of paper declaring I’m now officially “civilized.”

“Honey! You alright?” Kathi asked from the bedside, her voice soft. “Are those… tears?” “No, darling, they’re guilt drops.” I thought.

I participated in killing my own people! And that very stupid rocket made a crater in my heart just like that one in the ground in Sana’a.

Then my mom burst in, the way she always used to, and my sister trailing behind her, calming her down, the way she also always used to. My head’s spinning now, confusion swelling with sadness. I need air. I open the window, take in the breeze.

The big chestnut tree’s waving back, leaves shuffling like they know something.

I spot a cat on a branch, mouth moving as if trying to say something.

“Hey! Hey!” it calls. “Is your mom there?”

This is bad—no good comes from a cat asking for your mother.

“Damn you, Bruno,” I mutter, “laced weed again.”

I look behind me and I see my mother floating, my sister is shouting in fear, and Kathi is looking for a song in Spotify.

Can you recognize a bad trip while you’re in it? Is being high like lucid dreaming? Can you hear your thoughts while being high, knowing that you’re high in the moment? Well, I hear my thoughts now, don’t I? Or maybe I’m just talking to myself?

My mom is now floating towards the window and the cat is smiling like that Cheshire cat.

“I told you; I’ll take her!” it whispers, menacing.

“Who are you? What do you want?” I ask, not scared, just disoriented.

“I’m the devil, the one and only.”

I burst out laughing, and it takes me a minute to choke it down.

“Devil of what?”

“The devil!” says the cat.

“Listen, cat… devil…devil-cat, I’ll say it once—leave her alone. Come closer, and say what you want, or I swear, I’ll hunt you down and destroy you!” I manage, calmly.

“Fine, go ahead,” the cat sneers, challenging.

The yard’s ours. Always has been, the big chestnut tree in the center, trash bins to its right, a scrappy hemp plant trying to stay hidden to its left.

Then a whole zoo of strange, twisted creatures crawl in, gathering under the tree. Their eyes flicker.

“They came from the underworld for you,” the cat says.

All the animals of the underworld watched from a distance, looking afraid, hiding behind the chestnut tree in our yard. The cat, and after her last words, jumped onto another branch of the big tree by the window. I threw a wooden stick at her, I found on the window frame and hit her left eye; she tried to leap onto the window but failed and fell into the deepest depths of the underworld. I could no longer see her.

A fly with a dog’s head fluttered up.

“The great elephant-crocodile greets you and thanks you for your bravery.”

Behind the tree, the animals are celebrating, howling.

“The devil goes to hell!” I shout, smiling wide.

The cat leaps back from the earth, eyes ablaze, darting left and right, landing on the stones in the yard, eyes locked on me.

“I’ll give three chickens to whoever brings me her head!” I shouted.

“Five!” a tiny dog barks, wagging his snake-tail.

“Alright, five from Corinth Market by the outskirts of Beirut, and five from Oshida the Japanese!”

The animals go berserk, chasing after her.

“Damn you all!” the cat hisses. “Damn you!” And just like that, she’s gone. The animals cheer wildly, frenzy in their eyes.

“A promise is a promise!” I yelled from the window. “I’ll bring you all the chickens!”

I turn, and my mother’s there, back to her usual self. I get her some water, settle her, and ask my sister to look after her.

Kathi hasn’t found the song on Spotify yet.

Three days’ walk to the Corinth Market at the outskirts of Beirut, safe but long. I bought a hundred chickens, roast a hundred more in Oshida’s bistro. Six days later, I’m back, handing them out to the animals, which were still celebrating.

The little dog with the snake-tail tugs my sleeve. “I bit the cat first—I get more birds!”

“Of course,” I whisper. “You take 5 now and Tomorrow, go to Oshida, there’ll be two big roasted ones waiting just for you.” He yaps, happy, tail wagging.

We celebrated all night, animals dancing, howling.

Next morning, I wake up in the Corinthian forest in the middle of Khan Yonis in Ghaza. And there, at the edge, stands the cat, smug as hell.

“Why are you fighting?” she asks.

“Fighting? Nonsense.”

“You are,” she insists. “Fighting yourself.”

“Bullshit,” I say. “If I ever fought anyone, it’d be you and maybe God.”

“That’s a bingo!” said the cat.

“What?” I asked

“I know He started it. Didn’t even bother explaining. And here I am, making the same mistake, I suppose.” She smirks.

“Let me tell you a story”, she continued.

“You know, after centuries of absurd wars between countless generations of humans and that God—a mix of fights for freedom and meaningless bloodshed, still blazing hot even today.

One day, as the army of angels prepared to launch an attack on a part of the earth that humans had carved out for themselves, declaring it an empty home for all, even devoid of God, a sense of futility stirred within Him.

And to avoid getting lost in details, that could lead us to yet another war, we’d better set some parameters, some definitions, a few points.

There is a difference between the absurdity that humans feel and that sensed by the supreme power. Human thinkers have said that absurdity is the roaring, relentless river in which they are trapped—a constant struggle between an instinctive urge to reach the shore, to dry off, brew some coffee, smoke a little hemp, and relax, and a growing conviction that there’s no shore to reach. Some optimistic, strong-willed ones said later or perhaps simultaneously that some had indeed found the shore and were now resting after coffee and a smoke, watching that same roaring river and their siblings still trapped in it. They are now the existentialists, engaged in an honorary state of relaxed search for meaning in all that roaring absurdity.

And when they, the optimists, proclaim this in the midst of that soaked chaos, they also see those who have raised their hands and screamed that there is no shore, that everyone here will end up under the water’s dirt like their fathers, mothers, grandmothers, and grandfathers before them. Nihilism has bound their shoulders, helping them to relax before an imminent end.

All this is different from the divine definition of actual meaninglessness.

The meaning here is that humans live by God’s laws within the framework He has already outlined. He has sent guidance, references, and clear signs of what could happen if one steps outside that framework. Everything was crystal clear; there’s no reason, from His perspective, not to follow the teachings and avoid confusion.

Yet that clarity itself is perplexing. Punishment alone doesn’t invite belief or adherence; it is merely a consequence of an act, even if previously signaled as a warning.

There’s no direct link here.

There may be some connection in seeing something and believing in its existence, and in believing in something because of the traces it leaves. But even though these two concepts are indeed close in meaning, they are not the same thing.

It’s truly confusing, and most likely, it would take a long face-to-face conversation to process it all.

The reason for the war, unlike the war itself, is clear and simple: a lack of control.

To be aware, while submerged in that drenched chaos, and to have someone shout in your face to look for the shore—that in itself is a terrifying thing that deserves some punishment for those who caused it. Control here lies in having the power, a limited individual freedom, the choice to search for the shore or not. The “not” here is exceptionally intriguing.

For an individual to have freedom of choice necessarily negates the single available choice; there must be at least two options, and one of them must be freely selectable.

Suppose you chose this “not” here.

You chose nihilism—there is no shore, only incomprehensible chaos. So, let’s die then? Hm?.

But death is just another frame; it’s not a possible choice within the original framework, which is life. There may be another form of absurdity after death.

If we look at it from another perspective, choosing “not” doesn’t necessarily mean death. It just means we won’t search for the shore and will accept the drenched chaos as all there is. And what then? We live a short or long life amid soaked absurdity and merely float until we die.

This is precisely where the spark of war was born.

No control from beginning to end, and worse yet, another one is shouting in your face that you must follow the instructions of the one who put you here in the first place to be rewarded after all that ends!

Even if death is another, different frame and there’s a high likelihood it’s the start of an even greater, more confusing, and wetter absurdity, it will still be entered one way or another.

At least choosing to enter on one’s own terms it means having some freedom of decision, some degree of control, a certain power, even if that brings us back to the same starting point of absurdity."

I sat down. Looked the cat in the eyes for a while.

They were genuine.

“My mother is home. You can go and take her” I said.

“You didn’t have a choice!”. “I don’t have a choice either. We’re both in the river.” Said the cat.

She hands me a brown bag filled with green buds. “Good luck, kid.” Then she wiggles her tail and saunters off with that same smile.

She left a wooden stick and an eye behind her.

[golbrocklovely]

Oh painting? I love painting! I used to draw for a very long time but somehow I got away from it (time and job wise)

I'm doing quite well, I've cut myself off from the fandom a bit and since then I haven't had any more daily drama in any group chats but the weather in Germany is annoying me at the moment because it's only raining here😂

-German anon. :)

yeah i studied studio art in uni but haven't painted since like 2019 or so. so it's really nice to get back into making art like that again. i'm a little rusty, but i'm getting my groove back lol

and i'm happy to hear you're doing well. and yeah same. i haven't really been paying attention to the fandom et large for the most part. i'm still watching snc's content and whatnot, but the fandom (besides on here) is just not something i really want to be a part of anymore. as of right now, at least.

it finally stopped raining here, thank god. there was a period of time when it was raining on and off like every day for weeks.

[sleepyivoryrose]

Well...things come, things go, people come, people go...that's life in a nutshell. I am so emotionally confused right now, and I don't know that comes from the overdose on sugar I had or if I'm just feeling under the weather, but...

Short story long, one of the Vtubers I like stops streaming. Just as I thought yesterday, I have reached peak incel if I'm crying over Vtubers and listening to "eroge girlpop" playlists. Or rather I should say, rock bottom.

But I'm working on myself. These days im spending a few hours with translating again. And I am doing the bare minimum of house work. It helps that my sleep schedule isn't fucked up for once.

Things take time. I can't be a new person from one day to another. I have to be patient with myself.

I can do this, definetly.

Good news are, that tomorrow releases Persona 3: Reload. I was really excited for it, but it's almost...too clean. Too sterile. Maybe I'm just getting old, but from the things I saw, I don't like it as much. I will watch the Let's Play on Youtube anyways. I'm still mixed on the matter, maybe I will like it? Minato (I refuse to call him Makoto) looks very pretty though. It's difficult to go wrong with his timeless style. I'm not a fan of refusing something without even trying, so I will definetly give it a go (unless it's drugs. Don't do drugs, kids)

I guess I'll just vibe a little bit to music.

These last months I've been really enjoying mashups ( don't mind the thumbnail. I know, it's...quite something.) The rnb x city hop or classical x rnb are really good. It does a lot for a song to just change up the beat or the lyrics to be able to listen to it again on loop. Turns the vibe completely around.

Actually, I don't have a lot to talk about. This month I have a lot of doctor appointments...every one or two months they just pile on. I suppose it's still better than having every month come something up.

But I am glad that I picked up translating again. It makes me feel useful. I hope it flows well enough that it doesn't become a hassle for my friend. I really want to recommend her my favorite book series, but it's all in spanish, so...I am interpreting it into german. I'm quite rusty, after what, well 10 years? But I remember the basics as I go along, and it brings back great memories.

The inflation is killing me, on another note. The food prices are through the roof. If you want to eat fish AND meat, you better pay up. Sometimes I think it would be a bit cheaper, if I enjoyed more vegetables...well, it's never too late to start, I think. But I'm too lazy to google recipes. And I don't enjoy cooking very much...but...I have to get thinner if I want to be able to stand 2 hours in an anime music concert this year...well, if I took this seriously, I probably wouldn't have bought a shitton of chocolate and sweets. Sometimes I think I might have a slight sugar addiction. That's not good for a person, who has a way higher probabilty than others to get diabetes.

Man does only learn from their mistakes, when they're already commited...

...the card is the means by what it all is revealed...in search for knowledge, mankind clings to a dim hope...

[theskyexists]

the giggle

WOW!!! risky!!! so risky rusty!!! he really did this!!!

ok so. fun villain. the terrible german accent lol. Donna in the labyrinth winning with brute force ahahahaha. the babies backing away oh my god. lovely little historical one two three four mystery. making the toymaker racist - brilliant. the human faced puppets genuinely a bit urgh oof yikes. Donna getting a job at Unit!!!!!!!!! loved the negotiation hahaha

Melanie and Donna both super competent. The message ...people always thinking they're right... always 'winning' and therefore losing. i like the message, but did get a smidge of 'thomas edison is witch' stuff from the problem of the internet. idk.... children on their computers too much and ghosting and cancelling bad. i mean... well fundamentally i guess i agree im just a bit sensitive. brilliant scene with kate - some really good stuff... i agree so fundamentally with RTD about this, that all that conflict derives from the conviction that you're 100% right and paranoia and damn the lil jab at american conspiracy theorist 'news' and just the whole spiral (or 'peak') that Kate goes through instantly.

VERY HAPPY that RTD made Kate explicitly care for her employees again. Hated that Chibs didnt do that.

THE NEW DOCTOR IS SO GOOD?????????????? WHAT???? I INSTANTLY LOVED HIM HE DID SO WELL????

and somehow he's emotionally competent??? very sweet to see him comforting himself????

DT DOES look too thin and ragged in this...the bi generation... i.... was like whaat.?? this happening?? wh....ok...? this is very cool but what?? and then they DOUBLE THE TARDIS AS WELL?????

i loved loved loved the family dinner (though i do think that people always forget that ten celebrated christmas with Rose and her family). I loved how RTD brought everything thats happened in - just grabbed it all and brought it into the episode he MAKES continuity. unlike the other two his narratives are ALWAYS looking back, even as the Doctor DOESN'T. this inherent contrast gives his writing always such energy. i also really like how he tries to make things make sense, to set up explanations (like for the Master) beforehand or after the fact? we dont know (though sometimes he goes too far in this).

thought the part where DT was upset about humanity blah blah blah hatred violent crreatures blah was a bit uncalled for or went on too long.but it was a good call back alright

ill say the following, i didnt think the pacing was as good that is to say i didnt think all the puzzlepieces fitted entirely perfectly into the flow - command centre went on too long a lil bit. Loved the aside with melanie though. LOVED the dancing toymaker oh my god I LOVED IT. but all the puzzle pieces were really really good.

one thing is though. why the heck didnt the doctor say: i challenge you to a game. from the very beginning??? the moment he showed up in 2023? his preparation of an 'exit' for the Toymaker never became relevant again?

I love ncuti in this??? wow. damn! and dare i say it....he looked super hot. wow lol.

Loved the little callback to the Doctor no longer being a time lord, and so what is he now.....?

i do think: HOW is ncuti gawa supposed to be any more well-adjusted than dt when they both have the same stuff in their heads???because of regeneration???? that didnt work before??? and isnt the doctor's problem ALSO that

Russel T DAVIES,, the man of trageedy, really said, i am going back and im going to give them a happy ending. im even doing the TARDIS doubling this time like i planned. IN THE SAME UNIVERSE NO ONE CAN STOP ME. this actually might be a great set-up for hm...fugitive doctor's tardis?

love love love love that fourteen got to come home to Donna, and that Rose is his niece and he takes her to Mars and New York and that Sylia is hilarious and that Shaun is too and that Melanie is there and...but the thing is... Fourteen is immortal right? isnt that the fundamental problem??? he'll outlive them??? he couldnt stand that - before. couldnt even stand the thought.

and...they beat the toymaker by.....playing catch good. ahahaha. i think thats silly that an allpowerful entity simply couldnt catch a ball as well....(made me think of john smith episode). oh damn the cain story...hah. silly solution to all that but i think thats strength really. just say fuck it: they play catch and teh Doctor wins. just cos

i am a bit sad Fifteen didn't get more changes to his TARDIS. but i mean it's a great TARDIS. with a chair i hope. I LOVE HOW RTDHAS MADE EVEN MORE EXPLICIT how the new regeneration echoes the companions!!!

[norsesuggestions]

Ja, wann ich deutsche versuckte spraches, ich sprache schwedische - deutsche in einem unheilige blandning.

Ist es enkelung zu verstehe? Nein, enligt viele österriche touristen, es ist ganz svårt zu verstehe mir wann ich sprache deutsch. (Ich sprache deutsch mit ihre wann ich arbeitet wie einem historischeguide).

Aber, es macht möglisch enklare zu verstehe für menschen wie sprichst nordische - deutsche dialekten? Ich weisse nicht!

*axelryckning*

[wowbright]

Fic: Boundaries

Challenge: For the Klaine/CC Valentine's Challenge. This vignette takes its inspiration from the Day 2 prompt song, Can I Get It by Adele.

Words: ~550 words

Rating: Teen and up

Summary: Blaine starts learning to recognize when the ladies are flirting with him.

Art by @gleefulpoppet���

A vignette in my Mormon!Klaine universe. This one takes place after they meet Chandler in the music shop (Can’t Be Torn Apart) but before they have their first lesson with him (Strong When You’re Beside Me).

Mormon klaine master post

Notes: I felt very stuck at first using this song as a prompt, because the lyrics seem to be about unrequited or insufficient love, and the Klaine love in this universe is requited and plentiful—even if they’re idiots. But then I thought about other characters and realized I could make this part about Sugar/Dolcetta Motta’s unrequited crush on Blaine, lol. As always, let me know if you catch a typo.

--------------

When the time came for English conversation group that week, Blaine was relieved to find that Chandler was not among his students.

The first person to enter the building was one he had completely forgotten about: That young Italian woman from the Catholic technical school campus. What were her name again? Something that had to do with sugar or music, right?

“Looks like your girlfriend is here,” said Elder Hummel under his breath. He and Blaine were at the top of the stairs, and the young women had just come through the door at the bottom.

“She’s not my—"

“Hello, dears!” She called brightly in English as she started up the stairs. “Do you remember me?”

“Of course we do,” said Elder Hummel. “You’re Dolcezza. We met you with your friend Harmonie. You have a marketing psychology class together.”

Dolcezza let go of the stair rail to clap her hands delightedly. It made Blaine a little nervous, given how high her heels were, but she kept her balance fine. “So smart you are!” she furrowed her brow. “Is that the right word? Smart? For when one has a good memory?”

“I think so,” Elder Hummel said. “My English is getting a little rusty—I mean, I’m out of practice. What do you think, Elder Anderson?”

Blaine felt very put on the spot. That was the problem with being required to teach English when you had no training in doing it. People asked you things, and you just had to wing your answers. “I don’t think there’s a single word for someone who has a good memory. You just say they ‘have a good memory.’”

Dolcezza reached the top of the stairs and Blaine stretched out his hand in greeting. She took it. But she also launched toward his face and kissed him lightly on each cheek.

“Oh, um …” were the only words Blaine could muster.

“Nice to see you again,” she said, batting her eyes. “And you, too!” She added, turning toward Elder Hummel.

He stepped back before she could kiss him. “Handshakes only,” he said.

She wrinkled her nose. “I thought Americans were supposed to be more—what’s the word? Um … Affectionish? I thought Americans were supposed to be more affectionish than the Germans.”

“Not missionaries,” Blaine said. “We don’t kiss. Or hug. Or date. Or flirt.”

“Oh, that wasn’t flirting. Not very much. That was Italian. I save the flirting for later. Like this—” She beamed at Blaine and coiled a strand of hair around her index finger, smacking her gum. “You have nice eyes, Elder Anderson. What color are they called in English?”

Blaine stared at her, confused.

“Amber,” Elder Hummel answered, even though moments ago he’d said his English was rusty. “Or hazel.”

“Like the thing in Nutella?”

“Sort of.”

“Mmmm. Sweet and tasty, just like his face.” She reached out as if she were about to pinch his cheek, or stroke it, or something equally terrifying. Blaine stepped back.

The door at the bottom of the stairwell opened and a voice called up in German. “Dolcezza! Stop touching the missionaries. I've told you about boundaries.”

Dolcezza rolled her eyes. “You’re just saying that because you want them for yourself, Harmonie.”

Yikes. It was going to be a long evening.

*

Mormon klaine masterpost

[ravenlesslangblr]

So I did all of the Duolingo placement tests

Related to this post I saw a few requests to post the results of all my placement tests, so let's go! Long post and a lot of rambling ahead! So my friend and I did the tests chronologically (leaving the High Valyrian and Klingon out until the end in case we got too tired), but I'm going to group them up here in an order that makes sense.

Each of the numbers means the number of skills I've tested out of/the number of 'crowns' I got in each language. Since I got to complete the placement test 37 times in total, I could actually find out how it works. It is pretty hard to try and cheat your way through it with a language you don't know, because if the test picks up on a fact that you messed up a 'beginner sentence', it immediately sends you back to the basics. Due to this, some results were a tiny bit upsetting, but later on, I realised that this is just how the test works and is not necessarily reflective on one's language skills. Another thing that is super important - the test reflects your knowledge of the Duolingo course rather than your actual language knowledge. I could actually prove this 'theory' to myself later on with some results.

My 'main' languages aka the languages I did well on and I kind of expected to:

Irish 48 French 42 German 51 Honestly, I was a bit more open not to do so well on French since it's become quite rusty and I'm experiencing some kind of a mental block with it, but I still did quite well! As for German and Irish - I would have been so upset had I gotten a single mistake. And it has not happened in either case.

My native language: Czech 31 This one honestly made me lol, because I have made 2+ mistakes and the Duolingo course is just strange. It called me out on my use of nějaký and některý where I was like 'There's a difference? o.O' and at one point it used the verb 'left' for 'forgot', which I did figure out correctly, but it was yet another sign that the course/placement test isn't very accurate yet when it comes to Czech. Languages I did well on because they are similar to a language that i already speak: Spanish 12 Italian 14 (well, I briefly studied Italian, so some credit there as well) Portuguese 3 (surprising since I mostly guessed) Polish 24 Ukrainian 17 Yiddish 5 (I LOVED the Yiddish placement test! I will definitely try the Duolingo course)

Other languages I have done before: Welsh 3 Esperanto 9 I was quite disappointed in both of these (Welsh broke my heart!) but I think this is just a testament that the placement tests aren't reflective of your language knowledge, but of your Duolingo topics knowledge. I haven't done much of Welsh or Esperanto on Duolingo since I studied them at university. I'm not fluent in either, so it really boils down to what I was taught. More proof are the next languages Dutch 22 Scottish Gaelic 20 These are the two lanuages I have studied almost exclusively on Duolingo only. I also definitely have a better knowledge of Welsh and Esperanto than Gaelic and Dutch. But the tests went much much better for these, because I already knew the topics that Duolingo was going to ask me. And now for the Nordic languages: Swedish 18 Norwegian 16 Danish 7

Honestly, I think it's hilarious that I did better at Swedish than Norwegian, when the only reason I did well at Swedish was because of Norwegian. Also, the articles are still super confusing to me and it was a source of many frustrating mistakes! Speaking of mistakes - I don't think that the test takes into account what kind of mistakes you made. It could be a missing article (which imo is a pretty minor one) or you could pick an adjective for a verb and both of the mistakes will be marked down the same. This one was pretty frustrating and prevented me from doing well on languages that I was actually okay at. Languages I've failed and it was quite upsetting: Korean 0 Russian 0 Latin 0 I have been learning some Korean on Lingodeer (mostly reading Hangul), so I expected to utilise some of these skills on Duolingo. Not the case. My Russian - I can read and understand - just like Ukrainian that I did pretty well on in comparison.... and it all boiled down to me confusing some things and not knowing what 'a horse' was. Boom, 'let's start from the basics'. Same with Latin - I have studied it briefly and was able to understand, but I haven't touched it in a while and completely forgot some minor things, which the placement test picked up on immediately. Also! When you're not doing well, the placement test almost taunts you! They keep giving you the same stuff over and over until you remember it and it feels like there's some hope for you. But no, still back to basics! it's quite mean! haha And here's the languages I have also failed, but it wasn't surprising:

Japanese 0 Mandarin 0 Hindi 0 Arabic 0 Turkish 0 Greek 0 (this is an example of the one I thought I was doing well on) Vietnamese 0 Hebrew 0 Indonesian 0 Hawaiian 0 Finnish 0 (bit sad since I really want to learn Finnish) Romanian 0 (I was super surprised here since I somewhat expected to be able to understand it more) Swahili 0 (again I really enjoyed it! Will check out the course on my actual account) Hungarian 0 (another one i thought I did well on haha) Navajo 0 (also will check out the course!) And the fictional ones - no one's surprised, even though High Valyrian was giving me some hope: High Valyrian 0 Klingon 0 Also, is this a testament of how eurocentric my language interest is? Yep, pretty much. I am quite aware and I'd like to broaden my interests, but then again, it's not that easy. Still all in all, this was so much fun, even though it was a bit tiring and frustrating at times. However, once you find out that there's no point in trying to bs the languages you don't know/recognise anyway, then it gets a bit easier. Let me know if you try and honestly, congrats if you've read up until here, I don't even have the patience to re-read this post :D @dutch-polyglot , @anthropologicle and everyone else who liked/reblogged :)

[seventeenlovesthree]

So I’ve been buying the German dub of the fourth Tri movie “Soushitsou/Loss” on Amazon Prime, because, as much as watching this movie’s pacing pains me, I still wanted and needed to know how the voice actors have dealt with certain scenes. The absolute majority of the cast of the OG returned, which dubbed Adventure 01 back then in the year 2000... So I was partly in heaven and partly suffering from a lot of cringe, because while I could tell that the actors had been doing their best to deal with what was given to them, some scenes were just... Too ooc in comparison, so it just felt off at times. Especially because there have been a lot of weird directing choices in terms of how some names were pronounced or how high/low pitched the (Digimon) voices were...

However, me ranting about the voice acting choices isn’t the main reason why I decided to make this post; I’ve been riding the “Taichi Yagami is soft and he’s especially soft for very certain people” wave recently and upon watching the German dub of this movie... I definitely felt validated in this. Because Florian Knorn feels more like “Taichi” to me than Natsuki Hanae does throughout a LOT of scenes. Don’t get me wrong, the latter is doing an amazing job, but my nostalgia goggles and the fact that they gave him a few very soft(er) lines in German really did it for me. Florian Knorn didn’t do a lot of voice acting in his career - but he always nailed Taichi, even if you could tell during the first Tri movie that he was preeeeeetty rusty.

Anyhow, let’s take a look at the purpose of this post - first of all, I tried to capture the essence of every “significant” Taichi relationship interaction/implication within this movie. The premise is still that he’s getting most invested when it comes to four characters: Hikari, Yamato, Sora and Koushirou - and that also goes the other way round for those four when it comes to Taichi.

The first scene here is him getting - once again - depressed about Yamato “somewhat” opposing him. Jyou is trying to comfort him - which doesn’t even seem to faze him at all. Again, don’t get me wrong, Taijyou is - potentially - a great relationship, but the point here is that Jyou can’t reach Taichi in the same way the others do. 

The part with Hikari is basically self-explanatory - the Yagami siblings are pretty much always worried about each other and would go to hell and back to rescue the other. Hikari is the most precious to him, so just looking at his expression here upon finding her well after waking up is beyond endearing - as is the fact that he has to share his affections with Plotmon here. 

From a shipping perspective, the other three are very interesting cases. As mentioned, Taichi is pretty affected by Yamato’s demeanour towards him - and Yamato, on the other hand, keeps switching between extremes when it comes to Taichi. Either they’re teaming up (mainly to cheer up/save Sora) or they’re on opposing ends, with Yamato usually getting defensive over whether he actually “likes” Taichi or not. Granted, it does feel a bit like a one-sided crush here, since Yamato just seems to hold back a lot of emotions all the time - and is framed to be the one who constantly wants/needs to “save/protect” Taichi. Robin Kahnmeyer, just like Florian Knorn, knows EXACTLY how to convey this - which doesn’t surprise me, because he ALSO always nailed Yamato and is an absolute staple of the German VA industry, so I can’t wait to watch the German dub of Kizuna very soon.

The way Taiora is portrayed in German, in my opinion, differs from how it sounds like in Japanese/through the subtitles. I do believe that their actors used to be among those that thought that they would end up together, so when you listen to their performances throughout 01 and especially The Digimon Movie... I’m not surprised that the German version makes Taichi sound particularly gentle towards Sora. (With Sora herself, it’s not as blatant, but her actress, while obviously sounding older than she did back then, still puts all her emotions into this and it hurts. In a good way.)

Instead of - rather casually - asking “C’mon, what’s wrong?”, he goes “Shoot, what torments you so much?” in a very soft tone. Previously, Yamato facepalmed and both him and Sora keep saying how insensitive Taichi is - but honestly, is he insensitive here? He genuinely wants to know what’s wrong and he even explains how he perceives it all later on!

Instead of - rather casually - saying “Well, maybe that’s the good part about you though” (which sounds pretty disregarding in my opinion, but that’s probably hormonal teenagers for you), he says “If you look at it like that, it shows what great traits you have.” Still not perfect, mind you, but it sounds way more appreciative. It reminds me a lot of how Knorn portrayed their interactions in 01 with the “If we would have found your crest first, you wouldn’t have hesitated to help us as well”, which was complete softness overload. He values Sora so damn highly and you can tell.

When it comes to Koushirou, it’s quite a mixed bag. Both Hanae and Knorn are very soft towards him in the only Taishirou-esque scene in the entire movie that moment and I’m still cringing over the fact that the dub decided not to pronounce “Izzy” the way the old German dub did (”Issy” with a sharper s), but how the English version would (with a very soft s, it sounds so off). However... I do like both word choices here. It’s basically the same, just differently worded: “Don’t push yourself too much” vs. “Don’t put so much pressure on yourself” and it’s just... Just like with Sora previously, the fact that he noticed that something was up, that he was not being okay, just like Sora wasn’t okay... Shows me once again that Taichi Yagami is indeed a very perceptive character. 

Yes, he can be a nut, but when it comes to the people who matter to him, he cares so incredibly much and would do anything to make them feel better. And I maintain that, while Hanae definitely got that about him while voicing him throughout Tri and Kizuna - I am happy that Knorn never forgot this about him, even after all these years.

[manyothermusingsofmine]

                  “You must be truly desperate to come to me for help.”                                                  “Perhaps.” You don’t know what you want, you don’t know where you’re standing Don’t know where you came from, (or) where you’re going You don’t know what drives you, what will remain in the end for you Why are you so pale, so cold, so heartless? You don’t know what you’re doing, don’t know what you believe in Tell me for what reason and if you still need me If it simply doesn’t work anymore If you really only hate me Why are you here, for what? What more could you want from me? What more could you actually want from me?

It’s MY headcanon and I DECREE that I can make all the damn Marvel parallels I want, nobody’s stopping me. I kinda hate how Kristoph’s eye turned out but fucking whatever I guess. I can sit here and pretend like I thought up the German all on my own but what I actually did was cross reference the English transcript of Thor Dark World with a German subtitle file until I got the Loki quote I wanted and I just fucked around and found out in Google Translate that I liked the reply of “Vielleicht.” dunno what else to tell you other than my German is incredibly rusty Okay so I kinda have my own thoughts, feelings and opinions about Klavier and Kristoph and how they still work after yknow, the Apollo Justice game concludes. So uh I saw the fandom yelling a lot about Klavier cutting his hair after the ordeal to be less like Kristoph and then someone was like “okay but consider Kristoph cutting his hair cause he wants to be less like Klavier?” And then the braincell in charge of my creativity slammed its hands on the defense desk and went “bOTH!! BOTH IS GOOD!!” Well, both. kinda. sorta. No wait listen hear me out;  these two, aside from brothers, are very clearly parallels to each other. So Kristoph gets the full “slice off my hair cause if I look in the mirror and see Klavier again I’m going to fucking sCREAM” breakdown scenario Klavier on the other hand takes a sabbatical after the game concludes and basically spirals into depression for quite a while and starts dressing in tshirts, hoodies and sweatpants and doesnt have the energy to care about his hair so it just does its thing and grows until some time before he’s reinstated as prosecutor he catches his reflection and is like “when the fuck did my hair get that long” and has it professionally cut back to a length he can and wants to deal with. thanks for coming to my TEDtalk 

[morgana-ren]

I noticed youd said that you get more shiggy requests. So, if you'll indulge me for a sec.

We've had gatos input on how strade would be if the roles were reversed. Mc somehow had him under their control with the shock collar on.

I want your input because your writing is so detailed i know id enjoy reading what a submissive little bitch he'd become.

Please and thank you Morgana.

ily :3

Oh OH You know me so well! This is one of my favorite things to daydream about when I get angry or annoyed because since Strade is such a garbage human being, it tickles me so much to think about how cathartic it would be to turn the tables.

So as well all know, Strade, while very experienced, is not the brightest bulb in the box. He’s got years of know-how behind his expertise in kidnapping and torture, but there’s some shit that just kind of evades him sometimes. Double checking your ropes after he gets a little too excited and wants a dirty basement floor romp, for example. Thanks to his overexcitement and shit-idiot brain fungus he’s got going on, it’s entirely possible for you to slip your bonds. This mistake, in canon, costs him his life. 

But what if MC wasn’t so kind? 

With a level head, you might be able to scrounge around his torture room for a little bit. Maybe he has a needle with some knockout liquid hanging around for “difficult” catches. Maybe you just wait around behind the door until he walks in and smash him on the head as hard as you can and knock his ass out. Either way, he’s got plenty of restraints, and now he’s the one cuffed to a rusty pole. The look on his dumb face when he comes to is priceless. 

You’re not making the same mistakes he did. He’s triple tied to that thing. You know he’s strong, and you’re playing on his home field. You’ve got to be prepared for everything. At least long enough to get upstairs and find help or call the police. Right? Right? 

But what if you don’t?

What if, after he comes to and is sputtering and howling and hissing things at you in German that would make Lindemann blush, you decide not to go for help? He’s mad. He’s oh so very mad. He does not like this, not one bit. But he’s panicking beyond what you’d expect, even for a serial killer who’s been two-timed by his own victim. There’s something else in those dilated eyes. Something you’ve become very acutely familiar with over the last few days. You can still smell it lingering on you the same way it’s staining his shirt now. 

Fear. He’s afraid. And not of death or capture. 

I mean, he very well might be terrified of those things, but whatever it is he’s feeling right now is far overshadowing that. His face is red, and you can practically see the veins in his neck popping in rhythm with his thrumming heartbeat. He’s sweating extensively, and while that’s not uncommon for him, there’s not that macabre jolly smile plastered across his face. He’s baring his teeth and snapping at you like a feral hound, swearing to end your miserable life in a manner that would make the ghosts of his past shudder in horror for you. 

You don’t put it past him to snap these ropes any second and wrap his hands so tightly around your neck that your eyes pop like overinflated balloons. Even if the cops show up and try to escort you to safety, there’s an unspoken darkness in his glare, something that promises pain in your future even if they manage to subdue him. A promise that you can’t guarantee yourself that he can’t keep.

It strikes you that you know nothing about this man.

Surely someone out there knows about this. Someone knows about him and his little hobby. Monsters run in packs and even if you can’t see them, you know they must be there. Best case scenario, they can’t have him spilling their secrets so they find a way to end his life before the police can. Worst case scenario?  Worst case, they come for you. 

You’ve seen enough Hollywood horror movies to know just how wrong it can go if justice is left to the authorities. You haven’t seen much of it, but this looks like a pretty nice house. If he has money, he can just buy his way out. Who is to say that he doesn’t already have a deal with the cops? Kidnapping people is risky business, especially when folks begin to notice that you’re gone. Surely he has some safety net? 

What if he’s part of a network of psychopaths? There’s been enough late-night conspiracy youtube binges in your existence to know that shit like that is perfectly plausible. What if he’s just one of many? What if they have the pull to see him set free even after you’ve gone through the proper avenues to get him locked away? What if, one night, when you think he’s rotting in a 6 x 6 cement cell miles away from you, you wake up back here in this basement with even more Strades with different names and faces but each one shares the desire to see you ripped apart at the seams and devoured?

No. HELL no. You’re not going to be the cliche victim. He can bark and screech at you until his throat is sore and his gums bleed, but the plain and simple fact of the matter is that you have this monster on a leash, and you’re not about to hand that leash over to someone else. 

How many people has he killed? How many have met their end in this godless basement? How many unsuspecting people has he dragged here only to take them apart piece by piece until their eyes glaze and their final breath moistens his cheek as he watches the light in their eyes extinguish? Do you even want to know? Would it make you feel better or worse to know that, at least for now, you’ve narrowly escaped such a fate? 

You have to know. 

His screaming turns fearful as you ascend the stairs. Again, not for fear of being caught, but because he already has been. It’s so odd to hear the phrase “Don’t leave me here!” from his quivering chest when he’s apparently in the place he values most, and there’s a sick sense of catharsis that settles in your gut as you listen to him begin to whimper and whine. You don’t let yourself dwell on it but you do slam the door behind you loudly enough that he will be forced to acknowledge that his pathetic pleas mean nothing to you. 

His house is painfully average, at least for someone like him. He’s even got portraits up with what must be friends or family or someone that cares enough to pose for a cheesy photo with him. If you didn’t know better, you’d say an upstanding, if a little tacky, upper-middle class man lives here. The furniture is unremarkable and well cared for but lived in enough to not raise suspicion. His kitchen is filled with expensive appliances that might as well be fresh out of the box. His fridge, as expected, is filled with beer and various quick meals. Not much of a cook, you guess.

The car sitting in the garage costs in the six digit range and looks like it’s the most beloved thing in the entire area. It reeks of Armor All and disinfectant, and you’re willing to bet that if he was so inclined, he could put it on a showroom floor right now. He’s got tools and cables of all sorts thrown about, but not the kind you’ve gotten so used to. Maybe he actually does use them for their intended purpose sometimes. 

As you walk the length of his home, you notice a distinct lack of screaming. You can’t hear anything, not even a peep from the basement, and you are very certain he’s crying up a storm down there. Interesting. He’s go this place sound proofed. You’re not sure what you’d expected, but it’s good information to have regardless. 

After you’ve sated your curiosity by observing the dragon’s den, you make your way to the upper level. He’s probably not foolish enough to leave any sort of evidence behind where friends and neighbors can see it, so whatever it is you’re looking for is going to be somewhere a little bit more personal. Perhaps like a bedroom? 

Bingo. 

His bedroom, much like the rest of his house, looks about what you’d expect. King sized bed, wooden dresser with a TV and player on top, and a desk beneath the window. Sliding closet doors with all manner of free range dad apparel inside, and honestly, it’s the closest you’ve been to laughing since you got here. He would wear cargo shorts and plaid, wouldn’t he? A scrounge through the drawers of his dresser and closet reveal nothing remarkable, but you’re willing to bet your injured thigh that there’s something special in the desk. 

Just like you’d expect, the desk is locked, but you’d noticed a pair of keys sitting willy-nilly out in the living room and you’d picked them up. About 7 key changes later and the desk pops open for you like a cheap whore. He really isn’t too bright, is he? Or maybe he just wasn’t expecting this to ever be a problem. Either way, you’re grateful he’s a moron. 

Inside the drawer seems to be loads of DVDs, unmarked except for dates. It feels like you’re the unprepared cop in a serial killer movie as you look down at them. You don’t need to watch them to know what they are, but you’re going to anyway. You have to know. You need to know just who you’re dealing with here. 

You pick one at random and pop it into the DVD player and the scene that greets you seems all too familiar. A hunched figure, bloodied and tied to the pole you’d become so intimate with over the last week. This person was in much worse shape than you, however. You could see shadows moving off screen and the camera fuzzes and refocuses repeatedly as what you assume is Strade messes with the controls. Not long after, he emerges, practically skipping into frame. Even though most of his face is concealed behind a hideous bandana, you can tell he’s smiling. It reaches his eyes. 

He says what appears to be a rehearsed greeting and you’re left wondering just how crazy is he? Is he talking to his future self? You can see him making these videos to relive his sick, sadistic fantasies but talking to himself like an absolute lunatic is just a little disconcerting. However, you also acknowledge that the only reason you’ve even thinking about this is to distract yourself from the fact that you’re watching a homemade snuff film that you almost starred in yourself. 

And then he begins. 

Despite the visceral horror on display before you, the urge to vomit never comes. You watch, blank faced, as this poor soul is faced with every horror a human mind can conceive. It goes on for long. Too long. And Strade never stops talking. 

The realization sets in that’s because he’s not the only one watching. 

He’s not talking to himself. He’s responding. This wasn’t for him. This was for them. 

If you had any emotional energy to give, surely you’d be absolutely horrified, but you don’t and you can’t. You’re not even surprised. Someone like Strade, that bubbly personality and 1,000 watt smile, of course he’d find a way to utilize his talents. He’d found a market. He had a hobby and he made money from it. ‘Love your job and you’ll never work a day in your life.’ and you are just so willing to bet he loves his fucking job. 

You let the video keep playing as you sit up from his bed and leave the room. You make your way down the stairs, back to the living room, and then back to the basement door. You open it and immediately are bombarded with the sounds of his screaming and hateful vitriol. It doesn’t phase you. You’re not sure anything will ever again. 

Calmly, you walk into the room and stare at him. He doesn’t cease his incessant threats until he realizes you’re waiting for him to finish so that you can speak. He finally silences himself, though he continues to rip and tear at the ropes holding him hostage as you tell him you found his little home video collection. 

“Let me out.” He demands, and you realize he doesn’t quite understand that he’s not the one in control anymore. Of course a dog without a tangible leash will continue to run wild. You needed to drive the point home. 

You turn your back to him and begin to ruffle through his various cabinets, searching around the nooks and crannies for something that will help him understand just what position he’s found himself in. You make a very interesting discovery next to his med kit. A collar. A literal collar. 

Poetic justice. 

It’s thick and burdensome and more than a little hideous. It’s definitely homemade, because not even the most fucked of BDSM sites are going to offer something like this. It’s accompanied by a small remote with a large red button and not much else. You push the button and yelp in pain, the collar clattering to the floor as it slips from your fingers. It shocked you. It was so very painful, but you’re smiling. 

You retrieve it from where it fell and pop it open, observing it curiously. Strade watches you through wide eyes and sniveling, trembling lips. The look on his face is a dead giveaway that you’ve found something you really shouldn’t have. The toothy grin you flash him shows him that you understand that. 

Without a word, you approach him, holding the open collar in your sweating palm. His struggles begin anew and before long he’s practically yanking his arms out at the sockets trying to get away from you and your newfound toy. He’s throwing his weight around and doing whatever he can with his limited movements to make damn sure you can’t get that terrible thing around his neck, but it’s all in vain because energy is finite and he’s been expending a lot of it over the last hour. 

He’s breathing heavy and you could swear he’s begging between heaves as you clap the collar around his thick neck. His flesh bulges from the side and you’re fairly certain it was made for someone much less burly than himself in mind. You get the odd urge to adjust it on him like a necklace but he’s still dangerous, even caged. You feel weirdly... proud.

“Stop-! you don’t know what you’re doing!” He hiccups, and as he pulls his head upward, you can see he is indeed crying. “Please! Don’t!” 

You’ve never thought of yourself as particularly sadistic, at least in that sense, but some ghostly force pushes your thumb down on that big red button. Watching his eyes go wide and his body convulse and seize fills you with a sense of sheer euphoria that can’t properly be conveyed. The utterly satisfying clang of his head hitting the pole at mach 5 as he shakes and bumbles almost humorously while the collar sends x amount of volts through his body makes you giggle. 

When you finally pull your thumb off the button, he’s still shaking from the residual shock, drool and mucus bubbling from his mouth and nose and sloping down onto his chin. He looks defeated; utterly pathetic. Is this how you looked to him all those times he stood over you grinning as he gifted you pain the likes of which had been unthinkable to you before you met him? The desire to push down again is overwhelming but you’re determined for him to understand there’s a point to this misery. 

There’s a thousand thoughts going through your mind right now faster than you can comprehend them all, but they all have the same general principal. This man is a murderer. This man is a rapist. This man is contained. This man is afraid. This man is at your mercy. 

And unfortunately for him, you just ran out. 

‘How many’ you ask, despite already knowing. If the videos upstairs are any indication, there’s more than he can probably count. More names and faces than he can practically remember and they’re dead because of him. He looks up at you through wet lashes with a trembling lip, already caught on to the fact that there is no correct answer. Your thumb hovers over that seductive red button and he’s quick to spit out whatever he can regardless. 

“I don’t know! I don’t!” 

You don’t doubt that he’s being honest, but it sickens you none he less. You press that button for half a second and he jolts up off the floor as much as his restraints will allow. When he comes to, his eyes can barely focus in on you and when his slumps over, you can see the burns from the collar already settling in on his tan skin. You’re not sure how to turn down the voltage or how lethal it is, but you don’t really care at the moment. If he dies, he dies. You’ll deal with the complications of that later. 

You could sit here all day and grill him, literally and figuratively, about his track record of atrocities, but it won’t bring you any peace. You’re not sure that peace is something that you’ll ever feel again, all things considered. Meeting the monsters that dwell in the dark is drastically different than simply acknowledging that they exist, and through some twist of fate, you’ve been given the opportunity to show this particular monster that he’s no longer at the top of the food chain. There’s so much you could do, so many things you want to do, and it’s at that moment you realize you’ve spent too long staring into the abyss to try and claw your way out. 

You’re being offered the chance they never were. You’re holding the controls now. He’s already crying and you’ve barely touched him, barely done anything besides shock him a little. You remember that feeling well. If you recall, you were already crying before he put that knife to your thigh on your first day with him. 

Truth is, you decided the second he fell unconscious what you were going to do. 

Maybe a revenge like this isn’t yours to take, but you’re taking it regardless. For yourself, and for every sorry sap that’s met their end in his cement hellhole. They died for you to have this opportunity, and you’d like to think that maybe they’re there with you in this moment. Even if you never knew them, you feel a strange kinship with them. After all, it was almost you. 

He continues to babble underneath his breath, various pleas for mercy or sympathy or any form of compassion you can muster from your still aching body, and though you desperately wish you did, you can’t find any. You’re certain when you look in the mirror next, it won’t be your own eyes looking back at you anymore, but something closer to his. Maybe you did die in this basement, because whoever you were before you met him is long gone and has been replaced with something so much more empty. 

You explain to him, as gently as you can, that it’s your turn now, and his resistance will only make this harder. You don’t delight in seeing him in pain (whether or not that’s a lie has yet to be determined) but it’s a necessary evil for all he’s done. You don’t believe his life is yours to take, but you’d be as terrible as him if you let him loose on the world again. You can’t trust anyone but yourself, and since this situation is so delicate, you need a bit more time to think on it. 

He doesn’t seem to understand, at least until you’re binding his legs and securing his head snuggly to the pole. Maybe it’s overkill considering the man looks like he belongs in a shibari magazine right now, but there’s no precautions you can’t take. You can’t have him escaping. It’s far too soon, and you have such wonderful things planned. 

Were you a kinder soul, maybe you would put him to sleep because it’s so apparent he’s terrified. Being bound like this has really brought out his inner little bitch, and the way he’s looking, he’s going to piss himself. But its a price it’s only fair that he pay, all things considered. You don’t know what time it is or even where you are, but you know you’ll return to him when you’ve been rejuvenated, eager and ready to begin on him. You’re only a few steps toward the door when he begins shouting, words barely discernible between his emphatic weeping and sobbing hiccups. 

“D-don’t leave me here in the dark! Let me go, let me out! You can’t! You can’t leave me here like this!”  You grin softly, turning slowly to face him, and tell him that you can and you will. You ask what he’s so afraid of, but you don’t wait to hear the answer as you step through the frame and shut the door behind you, leaving him to rot in his personal dungeon. It’s only been an hour and he’s already so pliable. You wonder what you can make him do when you really make it hurt. Psychology says it takes 7 years to brainwash someone and coerce them into absolute compliance, but you’re willing to bet you can have it done in a few months. 

You already know one of his fears, and are very clearly not ashamed to exploit it. How many else does he have, you might wonder, already planning tomorrow’s festivities. Maybe you were sicker in the head than you thought. Maybe Strade just brought out the worst in you, stripped away all that made you human and left you with raw hurt and despair. 

It’s tempting. To give in. To sit and massage your aching body while listening to his screams as they echo through the soundproofed basement. But you’re tired, and you haven’t slept in a bed in over a week. His looked awfully nice. Maybe after that, you’d wash the dried blood from your battered body, order some food, and appreciate the niceties that civilized life had to offer. Niceties you took for granted. 

After that?  Well, after that you had a new pet to train. 

[miltsuuna]

Feb 2022

🖤 Overview of my languages to reflect back on later

Swedish: I definitely took two steps back with Swedish last year, so now the goal is to brush it up and pass an exam in August.

French: My skills are very rusty but it's all coming back nicely now that I've started revising. It's amazing how much you remember even though it feels like nothing has stuck! French goal for 2022 is to get to a level where I'm comfortable with going to French classes in uni.

Italian: Oh how this language pains me. I used to be A2 but I haven't studied or revised in such a long time. Goal is to self-study my way back on track with Italian this year; gently and kindly and in a way that feels good. <3

German: I feel like I've maintained my A1.2 level alright, and although it's not a high level it's a beginning, and this year I choose to be happy about it. I'll be starting a German course at uni in a few weeks, which I expect to help me with maintaining motivation and consistency at least for the spring. The goal is to continue on the next course in autumn and so on. Getting there one moment at a time.

Hindi: I'm craving to pick up Hindi. I don't think I can fight it. But I'll have to do it softly and without expectations or demands. I'll start with devanagari and see how it goes from there. It'll be like a piece of candy every now and then! :)

Estonian: Unfortunately I feel like it's not time to pick Estonian back up again this year, although I'm super looking forward to it. Estonian, I believe, is going to be quite an easy task for me because my native Finnish is so similar to it, and I've also studied it in the past. I hope to be able to get to it either in the beginning of next year or perhaps next autumn - we'll see how things go! However, I love Estonian dearly and I absolutely will get to it again.

All in all: I hope to mainly work on the languages I already know to some level and improve and/or rehabilitate (so to say) my skills in them. I just want this year to be a nice one, I don't wanna be too hard on myself, so I'll just go my own pace, although knowing that language learning isn't always a walk in a park. I'm not reaching fluency in any of these anytime soon so I will not stress about that. One day I will, and this year is going to be my healthiest attempt to come closer to that day.