#me and my partner have made a concerted effort to start taking better care of ourselves this year

[uwudonoodle]

[lugonzalez94]

2021 reflections

this year was challenging as heck. while reflecting during these last few days of 2021, i realized how much i’ve grown. it’s also a bit hard to decipher what happened this year or last since these past two years seem to somehow mesh into each other, however i know that this year i became more confident in myself and my actions. i kicked ass in work. i leveled up in my art practice. and i feel like i finally know myself better and i accept her and love her. and that’s something i’ve never been able to genuinely say before.

but with growth comes challenges and pain, and for a good portion of the year i felt like i was going through sticky growing pains.

i thought a lot. i used to pride myself for not being a reflective person, childish i know, but that has changed. i thought a lot about who i am, how far i’ve come, what’s yet to come. i thought about what i value and what i appreciate and it makes me feel more whole. i’ve come to appreciate where i live (my apartment and california and the bay area), the people i have in my life, the time i get to spend with others and the memories we made. i appreciate the opportunities life has given me and the ones i’ve made for myself. i appreciate quiet moments and time alone to care for myself. i really feel like this year was truly a turning point in my life and it’s exciting. 

but within those moments of reflection and excitement also came darkness. throughout the year, off and on, i felt alone. i felt lost. i cried. i thought too much. i was unhappy with my body and my hair (the fringe was cute while it lasted). some days i couldn’t do anything. i became annoyed with how social media takes up so much of my time. i wondered if i was headed in the right direction or if i was meant to do something else. i was anxious and paranoid over many things and sometimes over nothing. it was often hard to pinpoint what exactly made me feel this way, and i often had to conclude that it was bc of the pandemic we’re in and that my life is changing. i’m growing up and that’s life. i tell myself to try not to dwell too much or care so much about change, since change is always constant. but in the moment i try to let myself feel it out, notice it, acknowledge it, and learn how i can move forward. solo trips to the beach on the most gloomiest days helped me feel renewed. listening to music helped me understand and feel. i’ve always been a bit sad and that’s how i’ve always existed, but it doesn’t entirely make me who i am. 

but in between moments of despair and sadness, i had some of the best days of my life. sometimes they were mundane, but i think living in this pandemic has really influenced what i’ve come to appreciate and sometimes it’s really about the little things. i reconnected with old friends and made new ones. i adopted a dog (i’ve never had a dog before!!) and learned a new kind of unconditional love. i read some books. i traveled a bit. i slept and rested a lot. i meditated. i discovered some really great music. i started going to concerts again, and even met one of my favorite artists of all time. i finished my thesis and got my diploma. i had a lot of taco bell. i participated in an art workshop and made some really cool pieces. i participated in a staff art show at my part-time gig in sf. i began to workout again and made my health a priority. i made more of an effort in my friendships and relationships. i made bread. i got 3 tattoos. i celebrated another anniversary with my partner. i had some really good coffee and beer. i made a fricken website to showcase my art. i had fun. 

i hope this really is a turning point in my life and that i continue on this path i’ve created. i put so much time and effort and work into this, but i recognize and am trying to remind myself that i’m going at my own pace, things take time, and i can take up space. and i can cry lol. 

anyways, thanks to my friends and my partner and my family and my community and my favorite music for making this year suck less. best wishes for the new year. -L

[hozierandco]

Sam Fender x Reader / smut / If Friday don’t come soon

A/N: Some good-old enemies to lovers. Unprotected sex.

Plot: When Dru's brother gets married, the stag do may become the most interesting part...

"No! I'm with Dru!"

"We've been at if for ten minutes now. I've already made my point that I know him for a longer time than you do" Sam trumpeted to an enraged Y/N.

"C'mon, be a gentleman for once. Let me go with him"

"You know what? He'll decide, how about that?"

"Sounds fair"

Who would have thought that for a common friend's stag, the hardest would be to pick the teams rather than to choose the actual activity.

Y/N had the priviledge to be the only woman amongst the boys at the stag, since she didn't know any guest on the side of women apart from the bride and since she was Dru's girl best friend, Dru being the groom's brother.

What it means however was that Samand Y/N would have to take on themselves not to ruin the night. It was a funny thing that Dru's closest friends were so different from one another. Ever since he had introduced them to one another, they fought like cat and dog.

The activity was set on paintball since Dru and his brother had played to it growing up. They were therefore reputed to be ruthless to the point that both Sam and Y/N wanted him on their team.

"Dru" Sam called for his drummer who was discussing with Joe.

Dru sighed, knowing that leaving Y/N and Sam together was not a good idea.

"We're facing a problem there. This diva here and myself both want to be on your team next Friday. We just need to fix it once and for all"

"Oh... I thought you knew that I'm teaming up with Eddie. Since you know, I'm his best man. And you know, his brother"

"Clearly, we stand zero chance to win if the Michaels team up" Y/N fainted pouting. She was eager to win to prove Sam she was good for something but now, she had no chance of that happening.

"Oh well then... Joe? Pairing with old Sam?"

"Thanks, Fender, always like to be the second choice! But I'm already with Emmett"

"Actually, I think you're the last two" Dru added with a grimace. It would be a blood bath.

"I better be alone in that case. Better than being with Fender"

"Yeah, thanks! As a matter of fact, I'm pretty good with it but you're right on one thing, I'll better be alone too"

"Yeah.. Not possible. Reservations are made for two"

"C'mon now!" Y/N sighed.

"That's bullocks" Sam grunted.

"You promised to behave!" Dru chided.

"Fine, I guess but you better be good!" Sam threatened.

"I'm a pro, Sam, who you take me for?"

Both Dru and Sam knew it was a lie and that the two of them together would fail miserably.

If it was not for the lack of brain cells they shared, it would be by lack of teamwork.

In an effort not to ruin the stag do and to stand a chance at paintball. They now knew they wouldn't be the first but there was no way they'd be last.

They agreed to see each other alone to discuss past disagreements and strategies.

"You're stubborn, Fender! I wasn't the first to be rude. You came up and pulled out that silly Aldo Maccione play at me"

"That's utter BS. I didn't do that! First, you're not my type at all and second, I don't fuck Dru's friends!"

"Yeah, I know the feeling. I care too much to do that too, I wouldn't risk losing him for a random bloke"

"I'm glad to hear you say"

"I'm sorry I misjudged you"

"Yeah, I'm sorry I sent you mixed messages. Let's start over, shall we?"

"Yeah, alright! So what's your type then?"

Sam scoffed "Easy now, you might be a part of the boys' club but I ain't talking about that with you"

***

The Friday arrived and all the guests had arrived by the paintball spot.

"Alright, ready to get slaughtered by the Michaels?", the groom-to-be asked while Dru began a haka of his own creation.

In spite of the rain that was softly falling down, the troops advanced and got their weapons of choice.

"Let's split here!" Y/N suggested as Sam and her reached a cabin that had been a collateral victim of many painters.

"Alright. It's 7.30. Let's meet here in an hour, okay?" Sam asked.

"Sure"

In the forest that was to be the battlefield, all of the groom's friends were shouting when approaching one another. The rain was getting thicker and Y/N hoped that her way back to the cabin wouldn't be sprinkled with a mishap like falling in the mud.

As she arrived by the cabin, earlier than expected as she was seeking for a shelter, she noticed Sam's shirt covered with large spots of green, purple and black on his jacket that was once white.

"Really? You got hurt how many times to end up like that?"

With the rain, the paint had started melting.

"Come under" Sam indicated so Y/N wouldn't get soaking wet "I might have overrestimated my talents"

"So have I" Y/N unveiled her shirt that was covered with the same range of colours.

"Making me feel bad for being lame when you're in the same state, really?"

Y/N's bra started showing off through the white blouse she had picked.

Sam couldn't help but to stare at what he was given to see. It was not his habit to stare but Y/N with the rain dripping off her and paint all over her clothes was simply irresistible.

He came closer to her, not believing his eyes when not only she didn't refuse the contact but she also moved closer.

They were now inside the cabin made of stone "Here, take that" Sam gave Y/N his jacket to protect her from the cold and as he put the jacket over her shoulders, he leaned for a kiss that Y/N gave back when their lips parted.

"You don't fuck with Dru's friends, huh?" Sam ironically asked.

"I'm not your type, huh?" Y/N replied tit for tat.

"You're clearly not my type" Sam continued as he pined Y/N to the cabin's entrance wall.

"Good, cause you're not mine" Y/N said as she attacked Sam's neck.

He got rid of enough clothes, on his side and on Y/N's to feel her around him. Y/N wrapped her legs around him, allowing her partner in crime to fall deeper inside her.

By fear of being caught, Sam sped up his moves. To help himself in the process, he had displayed his arms on the wall behind Y/N.

From afar, they could hear Dru rejoicing over yet another victim of his skills as a sniper. The noise got closer, which didn't work out well for Y/N and Sam's plans as they started a little concert of whimpers and moans.

They hushed each other down by uniting their lips. It was the perfect timing since a couple of seconds later, Sam unleashed the torrent that had built inside him.

Y/N was close too and prayed that Dru would go away since she knew she'd be unable to hold back her moans.

And indeed, Dru had set on running after Joe.

"Fuck, Sam. What would it be if I was your type?" Y/N asked as she was coming back from her orgasm.

"We should find the others" Sam said in a giggle.

As the two of them left, Sam ventured to take Y/N by the hand.

"Where were you?" As Dru asked, he noticed Sam's hand in Y/N's.

"Looks like you haven't lost everything tonight!" Dru winked at them.

[mariecuttlefish]

Cooling Off [3k words, MariexAgent 3]

It's been a while since I had new writing to post! This is a belated piece for @receding-tides, mainly starring their Agent 3, Faye, and Marie (though Callie and another of their OCs are there as well).

External links: [Google Docs], [AO3]

Warnings: None. Appropriate for teenage audiences.

Description: When Marie has a hard time handling the summer heat, Faye steps in to offer some comfort.

---

The sky overhead was as blue and bright as the air was thick and soupy. Midsummer heat bore down persistently, each brief respite of shade subdued by an ever-present humidity that clung to exposed skin and made ink drip from tentacles. What little breeze did manage to cut through was slow and dampened by the squiff.

Marie clung to her parasol, fighting her tired arms to keep it aloft and get what little shelter from the sunlight she could. The weather forecast playing on the lobby television before she left the hotel that morning had warned of high temperatures, and she'd prepared as best she could to deal with it, but for all her efforts to stay cool she'd still sharply underestimated how draining it would be to spend the day mostly outside. Several hours of milling between storefronts had left her exhausted and struggling to keep pace. At least the group she was with was small — just her, Callie, and their respective partners — so she didn't have to worry about crowding on top of it.

"Alright, you guys! The concert is starting soon, let's head over!" Her cousin, on the other hand, seemed no less energetic than she had been that morning, bounding forward without a care. Marie couldn't understand how she was still so upbeat, especially with her near-black tentacles that had to be tied up just to keep her from tripping on them. Surely those things were unbearable heat sinks, right?

"Hopefully there'll be some place to sit," Jake said from Callie's side. He was making a noticeable effort to keep his balance as Callie swung his hand to and fro in her own, and if Marie only possessed the energy to be amused she probably would have had a hard time containing her laughter at the sight. As things stood, she could only think about how much she agreed with his sentiment. "My legs are killing me... couldn't we have shown up to the mall later if we're just here for the show at the boardwalk?"

Callie raspberried that notion. "It's the Seaspray Galleria, of course we're not just here for the concert!" She shook the collection of overly decorative bags in her other hand for emphasis. "This is basically the biggest mall outside of Inkopolis! No way could we spend a week in the area and not go on a shopping spree! Right, Mar?"

"Mmh." Marie offered a noncommittal shrug, trying (but probably failing) to seem a bit less exhausted as the couple turned to look at her. She wasn't the biggest on shopping even in a good mood — trying to find places for everything back at the apartment was too much of a bother — but this mall was big and fancy enough to include a couple of niche health food stores, so she'd gotten to enjoy the rare indulgence of stocking up on snacks she would actually be able to eat. She just wished they would've put a roof over the place instead of pursuing the 'open-air market' aesthetic.

Whatever Marie's opinions of the mall were, though, her acting was about as weak right now as she imagined. Immediately Callie slowed down, a look of concern in her eyes. "Wait, are you doing okay? You look super out of it…"

There was exactly the thing she'd hoped to avoid: people noticing she wasn't feeling well. Marie was too used to being the more sensitive half of the Squid Sisters, the one who avoided any big events their manager didn't push her to attend and who was more often than not the cause for them having to leave things early. Seeing how excited Callie was to visit this place and watch one of their shared favorite bands perform on the boardwalk outside the mall had made her determined to stick it out and get through the entire day, and now that it was getting into the evening and the sun was starting to set she was almost there. The last thing she wanted was to disappoint her cousin by forcing them all to head back to the hotel early. Sure, the alternative meant a probably-miserable hour of noise and confusion when she was already feeling lightheaded from the temperature, but it wasn't anything she hadn't put up with for her own performances before; she could tolerate it to make her cousin happy.

Then followed another wave of embarrassment as she felt a gentle hand come to rest on her back. "Are you sure you don't need to go back to the hotel?" Faye asked softly, aiming her words at Marie alone rather than the whole of the group. Of course her girlfriend had picked up on how tired Marie was first, and had asked about it a couple of times whenever Callie and Jake weren't paying attention, but when Marie had insisted she was fine Faye had let the topic go. Marie knew she wasn't going to be so lax about it now that the others had confirmed she wasn't just misinterpreting things.

"'m fine," Marie answered with a meek wave of her hand. The words didn't quite want to come out, but they would have to deal with it.

"Just... tired."

"Marie—" Callie took a step forward but stopped as Faye raised a hand, gesturing for her to give some space.

"We have some time until the concert thing, right? Let's sit down for a bit in the shade," Faye said, carefully guiding Marie to a bench a short distance away. As the two sat down Faye offered a bottle of water, which Marie traded for her parasol without protest. Callie and Jake followed close behind, Jake taking the opposite end of the bench to rest his legs while Callie leaned up against the wall beside; both looked worried — more worried than Marie wanted them to be — but seemed at least to take the hint that crowding around her wouldn't help.

For a while they sat there, Faye fiddling with the parasol to figure out how best to block the sunlight while Marie tried to find a balance between the desire to curl up in her girlfriend's arms and the knowledge that they were still very much in a public space. Several minutes passed without many words spoken until, at last, the awkward quiet was broken by Callie pushing off of the wall and gesturing toward the restrooms across the nearby courtyard. "I'm gonna go use the bathroom real quick, should I grab some more water on my way back?"

"I got a couple more bottles, don't worry," Faye replied. As Callie headed off across the courtyard, her attention returned to Marie. "How're you feeling? It's okay to go back to the hotel if you need to."

Marie frowned and clung to her girlfriend's arm. "Callie wants to see the concert..." she answered reluctantly. Her voice felt scratchy and gross even though she was halfway through the bottle of water at this point; maybe, she decided, she would just avoid talking after all.

Faye leaned her head against Marie's. "Is that why you've been saying you're fine all this time, so Callie doesn't have to leave early?" Marie didn't want to answer that, but she knew her silence gave it away. "Love, you and I can go back just the two of us. I'm sure Callie and Jake'll be fine on their own for another hour or two.”

That... somehow hadn't occurred to Marie. The prospect of going back to the hotel to be alone with Faye was already an easy winner in her book, and if she could have that and not have to make Callie miss out on something at the same time... Of course, she would still miss out on a band she adored, but that wasn’t as much a concern; she’d already seen the Chirpy Chips play at least a dozen times before, and in more pleasant weather. Hesitantly, she nodded her head, and Faye wrapped an arm around her shoulder to give a comforting hug.

"We'll head back, then." Faye motioned for Jake's attention (which wasn't hard to get when he had already been keeping an eye on Marie to begin with) and nodded in the direction Callie had left in. "Can you let her know once she's out of the bathroom?"

Jake nodded. "Can do. Text one of us once you're there so we know you made it back alright?"

"Yeah," Faye agreed. "And make sure you both take care, too. I know you're alright with the heat but I have a feeling Callie's gonna start feeling it soon herself." Taking one of the remaining bottles of water she'd brought with her, she handed it to him.

"Yeah, I'll keep an eye out! I hope you feel better soon, Marie." Marie managed a polite nod in place of saying anything, hoping Jake would interpret that as a sufficient gesture of appreciation.

"Thanks, Jake," Faye added, and moments later she and Marie were away, navigating back through the scattered crowd of shoppers to make their way to the bus stop.

* * * * *

Air conditioning was simultaneously the best and worst thing after a day like this. On one hand, the heavy, artificial breeze that billowed through the bus to the hotel was exactly what Marie needed to stop her from feeling like she might melt at any moment; on the other, it did little to negate the humidity, instead simply blowing the moisture around until Marie was coated in an invisible layer of grime. By the time she and Faye walked back into the hotel and felt the sweet, freezing relief of expensive "we-don't-want-a-single-customer-complaining" central air, Marie felt substantially more comfortable emotionally but also five degrees of unpleasant physically.

They wasted no time lingering in the lobby. It felt even more awkward to be overheated and out of it in a neat and quiet place like that than it had sitting outside in a public mall, and with the privacy of their room so near Marie could at least muster up the energy to carry herself into the elevator and down the hallway. No sooner was the door opened than Marie was finding her way to bed, lazily tossing aside the mask and sunglasses she'd worn to hide herself from any paparazzi and letting down her tentacles as she flopped face-down into the welcoming embrace of an overly-plush comforter.

Behind her she heard the sounds of Faye settling in as well, setting aside the few bags the two of them had brought from the mall (and putting the snacks Marie had bought into the room's minifridge; Marie made a mental note to give her a kiss for that later) before quietly sitting down on the bed beside Marie. Fingers brushed the back of her neck, coming up to soothingly stroke her mantle, and Marie slowly rolled onto her side so she could look up at her. "Hey there," Faye said, her voice even more tender now that they were alone.

"Mmm... hey," Marie murmured, her eyes drooping with exhaustion. Wordlessly she lifted her head up and scooted over to rest it in Faye's lap, curling up by her side.

Faye looked down at her with a gentle smile. Carefully she brushed Marie's longest tentacles to the side, keeping them out of her face. "How are you feeling?"

"Kinda dumb…" Marie wasn't eager to admit it. She averted her eyes, which unfortunately left her with little to look at but the front of Faye's shirt. In the back of her mind, she silently cursed the fact that feeling bad could make eye contact with her own girlfriend so hard.

"Marie," Faye started, not a trace of frustration behind the word. A hand slid under Marie's jaw to guide her to look back upward; Marie settled for the compromise of staring at Faye's cheek. "It's okay. It's good to tell people when you aren't feeling well."

"Says you," Marie murmured. "You're like, the queen of not asking for help." As soon as the words left her mouth she worried they'd come out meaner than she meant, but Faye just smirked.

"Takes one to know one, I guess." Pulling a pillow over from the end of the bed to place behind her, Faye laid back, tousling Marie's tentacles. It was a comfortable feeling, and Marie couldn't help but purr as she nuzzled her head into Faye's hand.

"I guess you're right," she said quietly. "Sorry I was so resistant."

Faye shook her head. "You don't have to apologize, it's okay. I'm just glad you said something before it got too bad." Stretching, she held her arms out, gesturing as if she was waiting for a hug. "Now c'mere, dear."

Marie smiled and scooted up to meet the embrace. She wrapped her arms tightly around Faye, half-laying on top of her, and nestled her head into the crook of Faye's neck. A small part of her worried that the accumulated grime from being out in the heat would make cuddling less appealing, but before she had the chance to dwell on that thought Faye was hugging her closer with one arm wrapped around her shoulders, leaning down to plant a kiss at the top of her head. Another long purr built up in her chest and Faye chuckled, idly running a thumb along her shoulder.

The pair got comfortable like that, relaxing together for a moment before Faye reached into her pocket suddenly. "Oh—" she started, then pulled out her phone and began tapping something out with the hand that wasn't occupied holding Marie.

"Hmm?" Marie glanced up through one half-open eye, her face buried against Faye's skin. Her girlfriend was comfortable, and despite how they'd spent the day still had a faint pleasant smell about her; now that they were alone together and able to relax under proper air conditioning, it was taking all of Marie's concentration not to fall asleep where she was. "Looking something up?" she mumbled.

"Just texting Jake," Faye answered. "Almost forgot to let him know we made it back to the hotel."

Marie hummed. "Ask him how Callie's doing? Probably pretty well, if the Chips have started playing."

Faye smiled at that. "I'll ask." She typed out a few more words before at last hitting send, then plopped her arm onto the bed beside her with the phone held just loosely enough that she'd notice it vibrate if a text came in. She didn't need to wait long; hardly a minute later the phone buzzed with a pair of incoming messages, and Faye picked it up again to read them.

"Says Callie's doing fine, but he noticed the heat was starting to get to her too so they found a bench in the shade for the concert. Callie won't stop dancing in her seat. Oh, and Jake says hello."

Marie snorted. That sounded like her cousin, for sure. "Hiii, Jake," she murmured lightheartedly. Satisfied to know things were fine back at the mall, she stopped resisting the exhaustion in her eyelids and let them droop shut, instantly feeling the urge to fall asleep take over her. The passive discomfort of overheating was still there — Marie made a mental note to take a long bath as soon as she had the energy to get up — but she was cozy, her girlfriend was soft, and the slow rise and fall of Faye's chest as she breathed in and out held the perfect rhythm to lull a very tired squid to sleep…

When Marie opened her eyes again, it was hard to tell how much time had passed. The dim evening light filtering in through the curtained windows was gone, leaving most of the hotel room dark save for the single light turned on at the entrance. Faye was in the same place she had been (predictably so, considering how thoroughly Marie was curled around her), watching what looked like an old soap opera at minimum volume on the TV that she'd somehow managed to turn on. When she felt Marie stirring, she turned her head to look at her and smiled. "Good morning, sleepyhead."

Marie started to speak, but the difficulty of forming words was compounded by the grog of waking up at odd hours. Instead she just rubbed her cheek against Faye's neck and purred affectionately, content to stay comfortable in her love's arms. Faye smiled and brought her hand to rest against the small of Marie's back, gently tugging the back of her shirt up to rub soothing circles against her skin. The contact made Marie shiver as her nerves woke up, and she clung tighter to Faye, wanting nothing more than to stay there for as long as she could.

"You fell asleep for about an hour and a half," Faye cooed, guessing the question Marie had tried to ask. "Callie and Jake got back to the hotel a little bit ago. They said the concert was great, Callie wishes you could've been there for it.”

Marie gave a little nod, turning her head away from Faye to clear her throat. When she spoke her voice came out raspy and inconsistent, but she could wait a little longer to get up for a drink of water. "Did they say if they were going to sleep yet?" Even if she still wasn't feeling well, a part of her wanted to poke into their room and verify that she was, in fact, alive and not a pile of melted ink on the floor.

Faye shrugged. "Nah, but knowing the two of them they've probably just been in their room making out since they got back."

"Gross." Marie grimaced, giving her shoulder a playful nudge. At least that meant one less potential reason to stop cuddling with her own girlfriend.

"What? It's not like we wouldn't be doing the same if you were feeling a bit better," Faye teased. Marie made a point of pouting at that remark, but she knew she couldn't dispute it. Heck, the only thing stopping her from kissing Faye right now was the knowledge that moving her head to do so would make it impossible to get back into the perfect comfort spot she had settled into. She had no choice but to concede, taking Faye's free hand in her own and lacing their fingers together.

The two lay there for a long while, disturbed only by the barely-audible sound of fictional couples getting into melodramatic arguments on the television screen. Occasionally Faye would turn her attention to the show when (Marie presumed) things started to get interesting, and the tiny little laughs that escaped her at the far-too-corny jokes only made Marie want to kiss her even more. The urge to fall back to sleep filled her again but this time she fought it, not wanting to miss out on the feeling of being with someone who she loved so dearly.

At last Marie's need for hydration overpowered the desire to cuddle and she slowly sat up, planting her palms against the bedsheet to stay steady. As she stretched and stood up to walk to the mini-fridge Faye stood up as well, joining her and wrapping both arms around her belly for a gentle hug from behind. "I love you, Marie."

"I love you too, Faye," Marie responded with a tired smile. "Thank you for taking care of me. You're the most wonderful girlfriend a squid could ask for."

"Right back at you." Faye leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to the back of Marie's neck, drawing one last purr from her before Faye let go of her with a giggle. "Now that you're up and moving, your wonderful girlfriend is gonna go run a bath. Both of us could stand to clean up and cool off."

Marie nodded. "You wanna go first or should I?" she asked absentmindedly, digging past all the snacks she'd bought to find the chilled water bottles at the back of the fridge.

"Either or," Faye answered as she ducked into the bathroom, and Marie thought she heard a quieter 'Both works too' tucked in under the sound of the bath's faucet starting up. She smiled, closing the fridge and returning to sit on the edge of the bed to take a long sip of water. Only one thought sat in her mind:

I'm so glad she's in my life.

[mikauzoran]

Lukadrien: Your Hands Hold Home: Chapter Seventeen

@lukadrien-june

Read it on AO3: Your Hands Hold Home: Chapter Seventeen: Broken Families

“Sup, G Flat,” Xavier-Yves greeted as he descended the stairs into the main cabin of the Liberty.

Adrien grimaced but mentally reminded himself to be nice for Luka’s sake.

“Hi, XY. Luka’s actually not here right now. He’s out with the Capitaine, and I don’t think they’ll be back soon,” he informed, hoping that that would be the end of his exposure to the popstar for the day.

XY shrugged, taking a seat on the opposite limb of the L-shaped couch from Adrien.

“That’s okay,” XY assured as he made himself comfortable, spreading out like a starfish and pulling his laptop out of his bag. “You probably don’t know this because you’re still pretty new here, but I have the okay to just kick it here whenever I want.”

Adrien nodded, internally cursing his lot in life. “I see. That’s cool.”

“Yeppers,” Xavier-Yves agreed, barely paying Adrien any mind as he started up his audio editing program.

Adrien set aside the book he’d borrowed from Luka, seeing that he wasn’t going to get any more reading done in XY’s presence.

“How long do you think you’ll hang out?” Adrien inquired, trying to sound interested rather than rude and impatient for Xavier-Yves to leave.

XY shrugged. “I dunno. Maybe a couple hours? Probably until this evening.”

Adrien mentally swore.

“I’m hiding from my dad,” XY added voluntarily.

Adrien frowned. “Why?”

XY clicked his tongue. “He’s trying to set me up with some actress. You know. For publicity and all that.”

Adrien shuddered. “My father made me do that a couple times. I’ve always hated that kind of thing.”

“Dude, I know!” XY exclaimed, looking up from his computer screen. “Sucks, right?!”

Adrien nodded. “I mean, some of the girls were okay, and I may have even been able to like one or two of them in earnest if we’d met more naturally and it had been our decision to date, but…those arrangements are so staged. I always resented them as just one more thing Father was making me do against my will and completely ignoring my wishes about.”

“Tch. Yeah,” Xavier-Yves scoffed. “Trust me. I hear you.”

Just as suddenly as the conversation started, it ended, and XY seemed to go back to his laptop.

Adrien gave his book a sidelong look, debating whether to take it up to the deck to continue reading in peace.

Before he could come to a decision, XY broke back into Adrien’s thoughts.

“…So…you’re bi or what?”

Adrien gave a start. “What?”

“You said you could have liked some of the girls your dad made you date,” XY explained, “but I always thought you had a thing for Luka…so are you bi or in denial or what?”

Adrien stared at his love rival for a moment, trying to determine whether he should be affronted by XY’s abrupt demands for personal information.

Xavier-Yves looked at Adrien expectantly with seemingly no malice or agenda hidden behind his words.

It was then that Adrien remembered what Luka had told him about XY’s penchant for coming across as rude due to his lack of normal socialization—something Adrien could, unfortunately, relate to.

Adrien decided to take XY’s question in good faith and answered, “I think I’m probably bi.”

XY cocked an eyebrow. “What do you mean you think you’re bi? Isn’t that something you just know?”

Adrien shifted uncomfortably under Xavier-Yves’s scrutiny. “I think it’s confusing because the media really only shows men and women ending up with one another, so that’s how I thought it had to be when I was growing up. I didn’t realize guys were actually an option until later, and I’ve mostly just been interested in girls so far. I mean, I can tell if a guy is attractive, but Luka’s the only guy I’ve ever been attracted to in practice, not just in theory.”

XY blinked several times, trying to parse Adrien’s response. “…So…you’re bi?”

“At least as far as Luka’s concerned,” Adrien confirmed with a shrug.

“You make my head hurt,” XY announced. “You’re just thinking about it too much.”

“Maybe,” Adrien chuckled, musing that XY might have accidentally stumbled upon the truth.

Xavier-Yves shook his head. “I’ve always known I was gay. I never even looked at girls as a kid.”

Adrien’s eyes widened. “I-I’m sorry. I always assumed you were bi. Well…after I found out about your feelings for Luka, anyway. Until then, I thought you were straight.”

XY rolled his eyes and waved dismissively. “That’s because my dad says I have to stay in the closet.”

Adrien’s jaw descended several centimeters. “He what?”

XY nodded, setting his laptop aside and angling more towards Adrien. “My dad says that gay doesn’t sell and that all of my fangirls will stop buying my music and coming to concerts if they find out I only like dudes, so I can’t tell anyone I’m gay.”

Adrien blinked dumbly, finding himself wondering if his own father would react similarly if he found out about Adrien being queer. A lot of people in fashion were, so maybe it wouldn’t be a big deal, but…somehow, Adrien got the feeling that Gabriel would probably prefer it if Adrien kept that fact to himself and found a nice female partner.

“…I’m sorry,” Adrien mumbled, suddenly seeing past the annoying, inconvenient aspects of XY to the very real person with problems and feelings and dreams underneath.

XY shrugged. “Is what it is. Just don’t you go tellin’ people.”

“I would never do that,” Adrien was quick to assure.

XY gave a snort as he nodded. “Good.”

“…So…you’re not allowed to date?” Adrien inquired, morbid curiosity getting the best of him.

XY shook his head. “Nah. Dad would flip. It’s okay, though. I’ve never been really into anyone before, so it was, like, whatever.”

Adrien’s eyebrow arched. “What about Luka? You seem pretty into him.”

“Luka’s different,” Xavier-Yves confirmed with a passionate punch to the words. “He’s the one, you know?”

Adrien dropped his gaze, wilting slightly because he knew that fact all too well.

“I’d come out, if he wanted me to,” XY continued. “I don’t know. Luka’s kind of quiet and private, so I don’t know if he’d want to make it all public, but he’d at least want to tell his friends who he was seeing, so it would get out there eventually. I wouldn’t care, though. He’s worth it.”

“You really care about him a lot,” Adrien whispered.

“You bet I do,” XY insisted. “You know how annoying and dumb I am.”

Adrien’s head jerked up at the blatant self-deprecation.

“Not a lot of people like me. A lot of people pretend to because they want something, but they don’t actually like me,” XY snorted.

Adrien suddenly felt a chill at hearing circumstances that so closely echoed his own.

“Luka didn’t like me at first, and he had a good excuse not to, but instead of telling me to get lost when I came to ask him to teach me about loving music, he put up with me,” XY recounted with a soft look of gratitude and affection in his placid blue eyes.

“He was really patient, and he taught me and helped me be a better person. My dad taught me a lot of bad things.” His eyes dropped to the floor as he confessed his past shortcomings. “I didn’t know they were bad until Luka told me so…so I owe him a lot. I’d do anything for him.”

Adrien nodded passively, averting his gaze as he wondered if Luka wouldn’t be better off with XY than himself.

Xavier-Yves could give Luka fortune and industry contacts, and while “Roth” wasn’t the most well-liked surname in Paris, it was worlds ahead of “Agreste” which had become synonymous with “dirt” a month previously when Papillon’s identity had been revealed.

Maybe Adrien should step aside romantically and focus on being a good, supportive friend to Luka.

“I’d do anything for him,” Xavier-Yves repeated solemnly, “…even if that meant bowing out and supporting his happiness with you.”

Adrien’s head jerked up again, and he gaped at XY in disbelief. “What?”

XY shrugged. “The most important thing is that Luka is happy, yeah?”

Adrien nodded, still not understanding. “Yes. Absolutely. But…what does that have to do with me?”

XY shook his head. “You’re important to him. We’re both really important to him. I can’t tell you how many times he’s asked me to try to play nice with you these past few weeks because he wants us both in his life, and he wants us all to get along.”

Adrien’s lips rounded into a small “o”.

XY nodded. “I want him to be happy. Even if you win, I want him to be happy, so I’m gonna try to be friends with you because it’s important to Luka.”

Adrien slowly began to nod. “Okay. I can’t promise I’ll ever really like you much, but I’m going to tolerate you for Luka’s sake. So, let’s make this work, okay?”

“Deal,” XY agreed with a wide grin, holding out his fist to Adrien for a fist bump.

Chuckling, Adrien leaned forward and touched his fist to XY’s.

“…So,” Xavier-Yves remarked after the moment had passed. “Wanna watch a movie or something?”

Adrien shrugged. “Sure. Why not?”

“How good’s your English?” XY asked, grabbing his laptop and opening up his video library.

“Not fluent, but I should be able to watch a movie without subtitles,” Adrien replied, moving to sit next to Xavier-Yves.

XY looked up at Adrien and tipped his head to the side. “You ever heard of Abbott and Costello?”

Adrien frowned, searching his memory banks. “…The comedy duo?”

XY nodded enthusiastically, a wide grin quickly spreading from one cheek to the other. “They’re super dope. You’ll love them. Let’s watch In Society. It’s got one of my favourite routines.”

“All right,” Adrien easily agreed, reasoning that he owed it to Luka and himself to make an effort. “Sounds good.”

 A little over an hour later, Luka returned to find Adrien and Xavier-Yves in a pile on the couch, leaning on one another to keep themselves upright as they chortled, “He’s not dead, Lady! He’s hiding!”

“I see you showed him Abbott and Costello?” Luka remarked, announcing his presence.

XY pushed himself up to grin adoringly at Luka. “Yeah. We were just thinking about watching another. Wanna join us?”

“Sure,” Luka chuckled, coming around to their side of the couch.

Adrien scooted over to make room for Luka between himself and XY.

“After all, it’s not every day that two of my best friends are able to spend time together without wanting to kill one another. We should do something to celebrate,” Luka reasoned.

“We’re not that bad. We just…verbally snipe at each other sometimes,” Adrien giggled, quickly snuggling up to Luka at exactly the same moment XY wrapped his arm around Luka’s shoulders.

“Yeah,” XY seconded. “The only friend of yours I want to kill is that Jacob loser.”

Luka groaned, rolling his eyes.

Adrien lifted his head to look around Luka at Xavier-Yves. “Jacob?”

XY nodded. “That bassist in his band. He’s Luka’s ex.”

Adrien quirked an eyebrow. “We can’t be civil with Luka’s exes?”

XY’s eyes narrowed. “Jacob’s one of the four he slept with.”

“Oh,” Adrien replied flatly, his opinion abruptly changing.

“Yeah. Those ones are dead to me,” Xavier-Yves snorted.

“Can we not talk about my love life?” Luka sighed, tipping his head back to stare up at the ceiling. “It’s really not that interesting. Let’s watch the movie.”

XY clicked his tongue. “I beg to be different. I am super interested in the people you’ve slept with.”

“Prune,” Luka groaned. “Drop it. I’ve been the adult in this household since I was ten. I’m allowed to sleep with whomever my little demi heart loves.”

“Would you sleep with me?” XY wondered curiously.

Luka’s cheeks flushed as he pointedly avoided Xavier-Yves’s gaze. “No comment.”

“Would you sleep with him?” XY pressed, jabbing a finger at Adrien.

Luka choked on air, making a wheezing sound of distress.

“No comment,” he managed with some effort.

“How about a threesome?” Xavier-Yves suggested amicably.

Adrien burst out laughing, snuggling in closer.

“For the love of whatever you hold sacred, start the movie already before I strangle you,” Luka pleaded.

“I could be into that,” XY replied, waggling his eyebrows.

Luka threw his hands up in the air, exclaiming, “Aaaaah!”

This caused Adrien to laugh even harder.

XY joined in.

[scribble-blog]

Soulmate AU part 11!!!

First • Previous • Here • Next

Marinette could still feel the way the blood had been against her hands.

Sticky, warm against Pam’s body, but too cool afterwards. She’d wiped it on her dress without a second thought. The streaks it left on her palms and fingers, the way it was gummy and crusted under her nails. It dried to flaking as they had walked back to the hotel.

And of course, she’d had to deal with Adrien and Chlo��, waiting diligently in the lobby for her. Distantly, she’d thought meanly that this was why she’d planned the gardens tour first, so they wouldn’t have a time limit except dinner when they went shopping after. She’d felt a little bad about pushing them off on Damian, but- they were her friends. Partners. The closest two people she had in her life. He’d either learn to deal with them or she’d- well. If he was her soulmate, he shouldn’t have any problem anyway.

The second her door shut behind her she let herself collapse against it, Trixx and Kaalki zooming out to check on her.

“Marinette?” Trixx patted her face, wiping away the small trail of blood that had somehow gotten there.

“I just-“ she choked down another tearful breath. “I’m just too used to Akumas. I can fix everything and bring them all back and it’s never- permanent. And they don’t /mean/ it. These people- they kill, and they don’t care. I forgot that that happens without the magic, too.” She paused for a second, looking down at her streaked skin.

“The blood doesn’t stay around after the Cure.”

They both nestled against her and she let them comfort her for a minute. Then she shooed them off.

“I’m scrubbing this all off.”

She did, as quickly as she could, every trace of red she could find on her body. She cleaned her hair, and then stepped out, feeling moderately better.

“Here,” Kaalki gestured proudly at an outfit sitting on the bed. Marinette inspected it, the pink shirt familiar and the jeans comfortable, with her normal converse and a thin black shawl that made it a bit more elegant than just a usual outfit.

“Thank you,” She said, already pulling it on. God only knew what Chloé and Adrien were up to in her absence. She barely bothered with reapplying her lip gloss and mascara, but Chloé could and would make her displeasure known, so she took the half minute to do so.

The kwamis moved her stuff to a new purse and hopped in, ready with snacks. She left as quickly as she could, closing the door and then turning directly into somebody.

“Watch it, Cheng,” Lila simpered. “You wouldn’t want to give me another bruise.”

“Is that what you told them this morning?” Marinette said coldly. She didn’t have time for this. “I don’t care anymore, Lila. Now if you’ll excuse me.”

She tried to move past her, but Lila’s arm shot out to block her.

“I don’t know what you think you’re planning,” Lila hissed, “But it won’t work.”

“Some of us don’t waste our energy planning to ruin other people,” Marinette sighed. “Listen, I’ve tried being nice, I’ve tried revealing you, I’ve tried leaving you alone. I don’t know what you want or expect from me, Lila, but I’m tired of this game. Leave me alone. You have the class.”

“Not all of them,” Lila smirked. “But we’ll see. And I will get what I want, even if you don’t know what it is yet.”

Marinette just shook her head and turned around. She could take the stairs.

And she rushed down to find Adrien and Chloé bothering Damian as expected.

“If you would stop threatening him or two seconds,” Marinette yelled, running the last bit as Chloé was glaring at Damian. She gave her friends her coldest stare. Chloé returned it, her lips twitching upwards.

“Disgustingly pretty as always,” She said, and Marinette relaxed. She wouldn’t be yelled at for the makeup then.

“So,” She turned back to her soulmate, securing her grip on his arm. At first it had been a challenge of sorts, what with the odd electricity of their bond, but now it just felt- natural, to loop her hand through and rest there. “Damian, what do you suggest we do?” She let him give her friends one last look before turning her towards the door and away from them.

“I intended to take you to lunch, if you would allow me,” he said stiffly, but she was starting to realize that either he was far more awkward and shy than even he realized and this was how it manifested as someone who was expected to interact with people and the media, or it was quite possibly just the way he spoke.

She gave him her best encouraging smile. She was so torn between- liking him right of the bat, and just giving in to the idea that this person was literally made to match her in every way, even if it seemed like some of those ways were quite opposite, and being extremely wary. She wasn’t falling in love instantly the way she thought she might with a soulmate, there was just too much getting in the way of her thoughts about him. For one, the fighting. She’d been fighting akuma for years now, and even with her lessons from her mother and Kagami and occasionally Kagami’s mother- she was no where near his level, even with her concerted effort. Which meant that her soulmate had been doing this much longer, much more consistently, and with even higher training than her. She couldn’t look at him now without thinking that he was, well…

Dangerous.

She realized that Damian was subtly watching her again and did her best to shake her ramblings from her mind. She could keep having a good time with him even while trying to figure out why she felt so on the edge.

“So, what kind of place are we heading to for lunch?” She prodded, and she even caught him blush a little when he realized she knew he was looking.

Cute.

“A small place nearby, one that my brothers have showed me before.” She was starting to figure out that every mention of his brothers was accompanied by a frown bordering on scowling, but looking at his eyes she was pretty sure he was just posturing.

“If you keep frowning like that I’m gonna think you aren’t having a good time with me,” She tried to tease, and she watched his mouth fall open.

“No-“ He immediately refuted. “I just- You-“

“I’m joking,” She stopped him. “You just- you make this face every time you mention your brothers. Why is that?”

“They’re idiots,” He said immediately, going straight back to the scowl. “And I try not to think of them if I don’t have to.”

“I don’t have siblings.” Marinette says, though she’s sure that he knows this. “Unless you count Adrien and Chloé. I try not to.”

He laughs at that, to Marinette’s delight. “Your friends are… interesting.”

“You haven’t even met Luka and Kagami yet,” she says dryly. “If you think Adrien and Chloé are interesting…”

“Do you- intend to introduce me to them?” He says, blinking. She realizes that, even with her misgivings, she’s been thinking about, well, long term things with him. Him visiting Paris. Her visiting Gotham again.

“Yes,” She says firmly. “Though, not anytime soon- they’re still back in Paris, of course.”

He smiles a bit at that, so she guesses she wasn’t the only one who had been thinking of this going on.

“We’re here,” He says, and she expects some restaurant, probably one she’d be underdressed for.

Instead, it’s a small, homey diner nestled between two larger buildings.

“It’s-“ he pauses. “My siblings and I end up all over the city sometimes. It’s a good, central place to meet.” He smirks then, and opens the door for her. “And the food is second only to our butler’s.”

She laughs and heads in, Damian trailing after her.

TAGLIST:

@the-fusionist @rebecarojas07 @lowandco @kotaleartzu @resignedcatservant @alenee13 @mystery-5-5 @ladybug-182 @actual-disaster-human @loysydark @rumbelle18 @magic-miraculous @vixen-uchiha @athena452 @mochegato @ash-amg @worlds-tiniest-spook-pastry @thestressmademedoit @sassakitty @doriebell @toodaloo-kangaroo @myazael @theatreandcomicfreak @mer-mel @dahjokester @northernbluetongue @abrx2002 @area51qt @jessigurl-design @renscorpio @cici-schnee @multplelifes @redscarlet95 @razzledazzle247 @rosep16 @emotionalsupportginger @kceedraws @tired-butterfly @kuroko26 @catthhay @moonystars14 @shamefullove @shreky-boi @imanerddealwith @chaosace @captainmac6 @purple-people-eaters-productions @crazylittlemunchkin @weird-pale-blonde-person @bigpicklebananatree

[echoghost1]

Tagged

Word Count: 1931

For: @lexiepiper

Summary: Dr. Flora Santos and her partner Dr. Carlos Rodriguez have lucked out as they have finally caught their most elusive subject.

You can read it on AO3 or down below the cut

“I got it!” Rodriguez cheered, “Quick pull over!”

“I know! I know!”

The van’s brakes squeal at the sudden stop and the two jump out before the engine is even fully off.

Not ten yards ahead is their target, slowly making its descent down to the base of a nearby tree. It hovers for a moment before succumbing to gravity and dropping the last couple of feet to the grass below.

It hadn’t fallen over yet, but it’s swayed dangerously.

It took a few stumbling steps forward and Santos caught it before it faceplanted.

“Whoa, I can’t believe I actually got Phantom,” Rodriguez whispered as he approached. “I also can’t believe you beat me over here.”

“Well, I did go to state and place every year I was in track,” Santos teased, “Maybe you just need to get good?”

“Not fair! Us academics are supposed to stick together and not comingle with the jocks. Why do you gotta betray us like that?”

“Running’s good for thinking. Now could you shut your mouth for two seconds and help me with this? It’s surprisingly heavy.”

“Oh right, sorry.” Rodriguez set down his messenger bag and they carefully lay Phantom on the ground.

“Okay, I think we should start with the basic measurements first while it’s still.” Santos decided as she looked the ghost boy over.

It was amazing just how corporeal it was up close. She would have assumed it would have at least some translucency, but it was completely opaque.

Rodriguez snapped a few photos for reference then handed Santos the measuring tape.

They worked in practiced silence. Easily able to do their predesignated tasks without another word.

It’s not as if they couldn’t talk, it just seemed better to work that way when their subject was unconscious.

It also helped to work silently if said subject decided to wake up early.

Santos had just finished her last task and set the device aside when the ghost groaned.

Both Rodriguez and Santos froze and locked eyes with each other. This wasn’t good. Rodriguez checked his watch and showed that they should still have five minutes left.

The ghost groaned again and started to move.

Rodriguez started to put away their tools as quickly and quietly as he could before he started to pull Santos away with him.

“Uh man, what hit me?” Phantom mumbled to itself as it sat up. It kept its eyes closed and a hand to its head.

This wasn’t supposed to be happening. The guide said it was a level seven, it got the level seven dose, why was it waking up five minutes early?

Was their source wrong? Was Phantom really stronger than that? It had to be if it was able to burn through the sedative so quickly.

“Flora let’s go,” Rodriguez whispered through his teeth as he tugged on her arm.

She knew they should leave. They should be running at top speed and hoping that Phantom ignores them, but she couldn’t move. She had to know why it was awake.

“You okay?” she asked.

Phantom turned and trained its bright green eyes right into her own brown ones, “Yeah I think so.” it tilted its head to the side, “Who are you?”

It still looked tired, not fully coherent yet.

“I’m Dr. Flora Santos. And this is my friend Dr. Carlos Rodriguez.”

It blinked slowly, like words weren’t quite making sense just yet, “Dr. Flower?” it said slowly, then smiled. “That’s a pretty name.”

“Thank you.” that wasn’t the first time someone had said her name wrong, but it wasn’t the worst. It was actually kind of cute.

“Flora what are you doing? We aren’t supposed to interact with them.” Rodriguez was clearly trying to talk without the ghost hearing him but was quite unsuccessful due to their proximity.

“You never learn anything by doing what you’re told.” She was a budding ectobiologist and it made no sense to not at least try and communicate with the sentient ones. Especially Phantom. It was such an enigma. Maybe understanding it could lead to a breakthrough?

They’d never know if they never tried.

And it’s not like Phantom would hurt them. It had shown time and again that it wasn’t hostile to humans or any living thing as long as they presented itself as peaceful first.

Rodriguez was still nervous but he stopped tugging on her arm. “He’s supposed to be a seven,” he muttered more to himself than anything as he readjusted his bag.

“Seven?” Phantom asked looking from Rodriguez to Santos and then decided sitting was too much effort and laid back into the grass, “I’m not seven. I mean I know I’m short, but geez.” it flopped its left arm over its eyes, “I’m sixteen okay? I’m gonna hit my growth spurt eventually. Mom just says I’m a late bloomer. ‘Don’t get discouraged’, she says, ‘you’ll be so tall just you wait,” it sighed dramatically, “Well I’m waiting, mom!”

The two scientists look at each other and Santos mouths, “write that down.”

“Everything?” Rodriguez mouths back looking a little confused.

Santos nods eagerly and decides to see if just how much she can coax out of the ghost boy.

“Well if it makes you feel any better my little cousin Riccardo didn’t hit his growth spurt until just before he graduated. It seemed like he waited until after his mom ordered the graduation clothes that he shot up like a tree. Now he’s easily six feet tall and still growing.

Phantom peeked from under its arm, the glow of its luminous eyes casting odd shadows and it made its eyesockets look hollow except for the green light. “You’re just saying that to make me feel better.”

“No, it’s true.” And it was. Little Riccardo wasn’t so little anymore. He towered over most of the family now. No one is sure where he got all that height. His brother Alverez jokes that he stole a few inches from everyone else.

“Really?” it asked again finally dropping its arm back at its side.

“Really.” She wasn’t sure how much that meant to a ghost though. She didn’t think it would get any taller, or any older. It was actually sad to know it was still just a kid.

Forever waiting for something that would never come.

“Well, my friend and I have to get going. Are you going to be okay by yourself?” she asked trying her best not to insinuate that it wasn’t strong enough to take care of itself. Ghosts could be easily offended by things like that.

It was hard not to show concern for it though. Knowing it was someone’s son once.

It took a breath a floated into a sitting position, “Yeah, I should be good. By the way, what time is it?”

Rodriguez checked his watch, “About a quarter to eleven.”

“It’s that late already? I gotta,” it hesitated, “I should go.” it thumbs behind him gesturing at nowhere imparticular. “See you around?”

Santos nods and waves him off.

The pair just stand under the tree and watch the ghost boy float away into the night until he’s just another speck of light among the stars and nighttime flights.

Santos heads back to the van with Rodriguez close behind. They had a lot to write in their report tonight if they wanted it to be ready for the morning news tomorrow.

============================================

Danny floated invisibly through his open bedroom window and transformed over his bed. Happy to let gravity hold him down as he landed on his unmade bed.

He kicked off his shoes and just decided to phase his jeans off and bury himself in his comforter. His pajamas were way too far away if he was passing out while on patrol.

Jazz might be on to something with him needing more sleep.

He wasn’t going to tell her that of course. Can’t let her head get too big after all.

Danny chuckled at the thought of Jazz’s head inflating like those dumb airhead commercials. He pulled the nearest pillow that wasn’t under his head into his arms and buried his face into it.

“Just go to sleep, Danny.” he chided himself before finally doing just that.

============================================

“Danny did you sleep through your alarm again?” his mom’s voice called as she knocked on his door.

Danny groaned and blindly reached for his alarm to shut it off. “No.” he lied.

“Just be down in five or you won’t have time for breakfast.”

He sat up and opened his eyes only to regret the action. The morning sun was much too bright today. Did someone turn up the brightness setting on the thing?

“Wait, what?” he was starting to sound like Tucker. Or maybe Sam?

He sighed, he was clearly still too tired for this.

He got dressed as quickly as he could by just slipping his jeans from yesterday back on and changing his shirt out for the first one he touched in his closet. It turned out to be the Dumpty Humpty shirt he had bought when he and his friends went to the concert a few years back.

He came downstairs and gave a casual wave to his Dad who was sitting on the couch watching the morning news.

Danny grabbed the closest box of cereal, gave it a shake to check that it wasn’t empty, then took it with him to the table as he gathered his bowl.

He was mindlessly munching away on the cheerios when his mom gasped.

He looked up and found she was staring at him.

She looked rather worried.

That wasn’t good.

He swallowed his most recent spoonful not even bothering to finish chewing it, “What’s up?” he asked wondering what the heck he did wrong this time. Were his powers malfunctioning and he just hadn’t noticed?

As much as he doubted that to be the case, with how tired he was and just how unlucky he was, he had a feeling that he shouldn’t rule it out completely.

“Your ear,” she whispered.

Danny dropped his spoon into his bowl, the milk splashed onto the table, but he didn’t care. He instantly reached up and cupped his ears hoping that they hadn’t mutated in his sleep and he was now sporting pointy ears like an elf or a bad Spock cosplay.

Thankfully, that wasn’t it.

His thumb twitched and the nail clicked against something plastic.

That wasn’t there before.

He ran to the bathroom and gripped the sink for dear life as he stared at his reflection. There’s an earring where there wasn’t one before.

No, not an earring. A tag. Like the ones found on animals.

Danny’s hand shook as it slowly dawned on him that the nice Dr. Flower he had met last night wasn’t a dream and that she must have been a scientist.

She was a conservationist.

He was their subject of study.

He tugged on the tag and tried to make it intangible.

Nothing happened.

Someone stood in the open bathroom doorway.

He turned to see his mom, staring at him. At the tag.

There was no way she didn’t know what it meant.

He could just barely hear the tv in the living room. Dr. Flower, or whatever her real name was, was going on about how excited she was about all the future discoveries that studying Phantom in his natural habitat would lead to.

There was no way he could keep his secret now. It was good as gone.

He slowly lowered his hand and just waited for her to make the first move.

[illneverrecover]

breathe for you | jjk

➛pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Reader ➛genre: Marriage!AU, domestic!AU, slice of life, fluff with a nice little smut undertone. ➛word count: 2006 ➛rating: 18+ (mature themes, mentions and descriptions of foreplay). ➛warnings: cursing, heavy petting, marking, dry humping/grinding, slight hair pulling, making out like horny teenagers, Jungkook being a goofy soft ass whole entire angel.  ➛summary: You’re always cold, but Jungkook comes up with the sweetest and most creative ways to warm you up. ➛notes: This entire thing was written for one of my beautiful besties, @quinnkoo​ . Happy Birthday,  Quinny baby! I’m sad we’re not celebrating this years at a BTS concert (or in a GCF!) like we did last year, but I hope this at least makes you smile. I’m so glad to have you in my life, to get to call you a friend, and to get to finally be close enough to squeeze you. Don’t tell anyone but I love you. Actually just don’t read this. ➛song:  Love U - Monsta X & Breathe for You - Monsta X

“It’s freezing in here.”

“No it’s not. You’re being dramatic again.”

Huffing, you slide the soles of your feet until they’re pressed against one of Jungkook’s sweatpant clad thighs. “I’m never dramatic literally ever. Feel my toes,” you wiggle them, giggling when he squeaks at the pinch. 

“Why do you always want me to touch your feet? Listen, baby, if you have a foot fetish, we can discuss some boundaries-”

“Jungkook!” you yell, laughing when he grabs your feet, tickling them briefly before slowly squeezing. His hands were so warm, which was a gentle reminder that your husband was practically a human furnace. 

Scooting closer to him, you fling your legs completely in his lap, sighing with relief when large palms slide up and down your legs, the friction warming your bones. You were always cold, no matter what the weather, but it was one of the many quirks that Jungkook loves about you - and loves teasing you for. Nuzzling into his side, you rest your eyes in the cozy peace of the moment before Jungkook shouts, plopping your legs to the couch to stand.

“I have an idea!”

You scoff. “Is your idea microwaving my socks again? Because they almost caught fire last time and it was awful-”

“No! This idea is way better,” he grins, winking at you before darting away. 

Despite the exasperation on your face, you couldn’t help but feel a little giddy. Finding the match to your soul was a feat that you hadn’t thought possible, and yet here he was, dressed like a teenager and armed with a toothy grin, ready to take on the world for you. It may seem silly to others, but every moment spent with him was more than you could ever ask for. He was so caring, so considerate. He always wanted to make you laugh, always going out of his way to make you smile. 

So many bad days that he had turned for the better by attempting to make your favorite food, or demanding a movie night with all your favorites. Days when you had left work exhausted and drained and so damn soul weary that you didn’t think you could leave your bed - and instead of trying to make you, he instead joined you, holding you tight and letting you tell him all your fears and concerns. Jungkook was the most attentive partner, and he made the most mundane things unforgettable - one of his many charms.

He returns with a pile of blankets in his arms, doe eyes dancing with mirth just above the visible line. 

“You know where you can’t be cold?” when you shake your head, he drops the blankets on your lap, throwing his arms in the air. “Inside the formidable and impenetrable Fort Nochu!” 

You roll your eyes, but your smile is already hurting your cheeks. It was a cheesy nickname, a silly word, and yet it was something so undeniably him.

“Impenetrable, huh?” Unfolding the top blanket, you drape it over the couch until it reaches the top of the nearby recliner until a makeshift ceiling is formed. “Is the fort itself impenetrable or does that go for the inhabitants as well?” 

His dulcet chuckle is music to your ears, long hair shifting to fall into his eyes as he looks up at you through thick lashes. The look was more lethal than he realizes, and your blood starts pounding, pooling low in your gut.

“Well, you’ll just have to come and find out, hmm?” He tries to wink, but both eyes close, and you feel your heart clenching. 

Did he have to be so damn cute? Honestly, the whiplash was maddening. 

It took less than 10 minutes to finish the construction, your ideas for the optimal blanket fort perfectly aligning and allowing you to work in tandem. The futon mattress from the spare room has been dragged as the makeshift floor, a mountain of pillows and blankets adorning the top until it was truly lush and luxurious. A small door had been left open to the elements so that the TV screen could be seen, though Jungkook assures that this is not a design flaw and does not change his previous statement regarding the fortitude of Fort Nochu. 

He gestures for you to crawl inside before following, remote forgotten shortly after he puts some Netflix show on for background noise. Instead you were content to lay facing each other, his long arms circling your waist and rubbing smooth patterns along the ridges of your spine. Your face is pressed to the firmness of his chest, his scent heady mixed with the gentle thumping of his heart, and you couldn’t help but to breathe him in, to wish you could pull him in deeper. 

He’s humming a song, one that you don’t recognize but it’s beautiful and soothing as one hand slides up your back to nestle into your hair. “So, how about it? Did it work? Are you warm yet?”

Honestly, your limbs and heart had been heated through long before climbing into the blanket fort, but he didn’t need to know that. Instead, you trace the silk line of his jaw, thumb tugging at the corner of his plush bottom lip until his darkened gaze focuses on you. 

“I’m pretty warm, but I think I could be warmer.”

He glares then, question evident on his brow but instead of answering further, you hitch a leg over his hip, pulling him closer until your faces were almost touching. Your nose sweeps against his gently, a ghost of sweetness, before trailing down to his pulse point, to the hollow of his throat. You press a lingering kiss there, wet and soft, before moving to leave another, making a small path until you reach the barrier of his hoodie. 

He shakes loose a breath as his hands tighten around you, tugging in an effort to bring you closer, but you ignore it to continue your leisurely ministrations on the column of his neck. His skin was sweet, as if the lingering scent of his soap had melded with his natural scent to create the most perfect flavor, one that you couldn’t get enough of. You grin against him when you hear him whine, swallowing thickly. 

“What’s wrong, baby?” you murmur, teasing the lobe of his ear with your teeth. Sliding a hand through his long locks, you tangle your fingers near the root to give a gentle pull, awarding you a low moan from his throat. “Is there something you want, Jungkook?”

His voice is rough, gravelly with misuse, but you hear him clearly all the same. 

“You. All I ever want is you.”

Now it’s your turn to groan, swinging your body up onto his hips until you are straddling above him, hands resting against the tight planes of his chest. He looks beautiful pinned beneath you; lungs heaving, face flushed, tawny eyes shiny and lust blown. His long hair is fanned around his face, almost making him look angelic - if you didn’t know any better, that is.

Unable to resist any longer, you crash your lips to his, licking against the seam of his pout until he opens, always so pliant for your kisses. You kiss him until he’s breathless, until his mouth is love bitten and his taste is burned onto your tongue. You’d be content to kiss Jungkook all night, to just enjoy the feeling of his lips moving in sync with your own, but the growing hardness pressing against your inner thigh is begging for your attention.

Who are you to deny Jungkook attention?

Rolling your hips, you finally pull your mouth away, gasping for air as you keen against him. “So what were the rules regarding penetration inside of Fort Nochu again?”

A choked laugh fades into a moan of your name, palms digging into your waist, bruising.  “I concede. You’re the queen of this fort now, you make the rules.” 

Victory of your win flooded your veins, and you give him a cocky grin before suckling his bottom lip between your teeth, nipping the flesh gently before letting it drop. 

“Good.”

Your hands slide under his hoodie to feel the feverish skin of his torso, lean muscles shivering under the contact as he gasps, and you love how responsive he is; how sensitive he is to your touch, how worked up he gets for you - only for you. 

Nudging him to sit up, you rip the material over his head to toss aside, eyes greedily drinking in the revealed skin before you like it was the first time all over again. Latching your mouth to his collarbone, you start to suck evidence of your claim against his golden skin, hips rocking gently against his length in sync with his soft mewls.

Each glide against his clothed cock was delicious pressure against your aching core, and you knew you were wet enough that you wouldn’t even need anything more than to slide your panties to the side to have him sheathed fully inside of you. Dropping a hand down to your center, you move to sweep the offending material away when a sudden tug at your shirt has you yelping.

“Mama? Papa?”

The voice is tiny, dripping with sleep, and you will your pulse to slow its pace when you turn to see your son clamoring his way into the fort. 

Sighing, you drop your head to Jungkook’s chest, snickering alongside him when he presses a kiss to your temple, allowing you a moment of reprieve before slipping out of his lap.

“Hey little man, why are you still awake?” he questions, hands reaching for the boy who happily scrambles into his father’s embrace. 

Tiny fists rub at his eyes, hair sticking out into an excellent mad scientist impersonation. He looks just like his father, could almost be his twin, and as he got older and more of his personality started to show, it became evident that you had created some sort of Jungkook clone. 

Something that the world should perhaps be worried about, but it only made your heart swell.

“I had a bad dream, I got scared. And then you weren’t in your room.” He pouts, lip jutting out, causing Jungkook to crinkle his nose with an amused grin.

“I’m sorry, rabbit. We decided to build a blanket fort,” leaning forward, he cups his hand towards the child’s ear, whispering conspiratorially. “I named it Fort Nochu.”

At the name, your son's eyes widen, turning to look at his father. “Nochu? Like who comes and helps me sleep at night?”

Jungkook chuckles, catching your eye as you stifle back giggles of your own. It had been an old trick, a silly story to tell your little boy that ‘Nochu would come through’ to help him sleep, but it had worked like a charm and clearly left a lasting impression.

“Exactly like that!” 

Your heart tightens in a vice at the scene, and you muse if you could possibly love your husband - your little family - any more for probably the millionth time since you brought your son home. There’s a smile on your face as you make room between you, adoration smooth in your eyes when you pat the bed encouragingly. 

“Does that mean I can sleep here?” he slides into the opening, a yawn ripping from him as he cozies under the copious blankets.

“I bet if you sleep here, you won’t have any more bad dreams,” you coo, running a hand through your sons dark hair as he settles onto his side, eyes already closing. 

Jungkook slips in behind him, elbow propping him up so he can admire you both, the comfortable silence lulling in the space between. Reaching over the now sleeping boys form, his hand searches your own, fingers interlocking, giving you a quick squeeze.

“Are you warm now?”

His voice is low, dripping with adoration, and you know what he means; what he’s asking without ever saying the words. 

Your eyes close as you hum. 

“Definitely.” 

[cytusimagines]

How about characters actions when their partner is a diabetic?

This is probably the longest post I’ve made and I’m so sure I may have gotten some things wrong, but here we go!

Cytus Characters With a Diabetic S/O

Aroma/PAFF

-So I like to think that PAFF has probably the best healthcare and will get you on that plan ASAP

Insulin is expensive, that she knows

If she can bring down the costs for you, she’ll do it

Hell she might as well buy your medication She does by the way

-You cannot convince me that Aroma does not have a planner

Inside it is her schedule for meetings, interviews, concerts, etc.

But she always makes time for you

Especially to make sure you’re eating on a consistent schedule and checking your levels

Will move everything around her schedule when you mention that you have a doctor’s appointment coming up

Will also attend said appointments to make you more comfortable

-She is aware of what you can or can’t eat

Sometimes when you have dinner with her and Helena, she helps cook

This is to make sure Helena doesn’t do anything that could make your levels too high or too low

Of course she always asks for your input

-Overall a loving and supportive partner to her S/O

Neko

-Let’s be real, she’s not the best equipped to help

-But as long as you explain to her what she should do, she’ll be fine. Maybe.

-Will hound you about your insulin and levels if she suspects something off

“Don’t lie to me Y/N! Nothing gets past Neko!”

If you thought she was annoying before, she will be even more annoying if you even forget for a nanosecond

Sometimes she forgets though, especially in between streams and making music

-Please help Neko understand it more so she’s not constantly panicking about your health

-Honestly she does her best to help, but you’ll have to give her reminders to relax from time to time

Nora & ROBO_Head

-Nora knows how challenging something like diabetes can be to have

She doesn’t have it, but considering that the Ender virus took her ability to walk, she at least shares the sentiment

-She programs ROBO to have an alarm when it’s time to check your levels and take your insulin

-She can also be pretty strict when it comes to your diet/meal plan

You’re always allowed to give her feedback, but you can also tell her to tone it down if you think it’s too strict

It’ll take some time to adjust, but she will listen to you

-Where Nora is lacking in emotion, ROBO picks up the speed for her

On days where you beat yourself up, he’ll play you some music he made to make you feel better

His screen will show a pixelated heart to let you know that he loves you

Nora understands that it’s hard to keep everything balanced and in check, so she reminds you that there is always tomorrow to do it right

Ivy

-Walking database based on everything she’s been seeing on the cyTus network

-Let’s not forget that she is slowly gaining a “human” side to her as her research went on

She’s protected humans in the past from dangerous situations

So to see that she is protective around you is not surprising

-I think when you two are in private, she knows you can take care of yourself just fine

-It’s when you’re out in public going to a restaurant that she starts to worry

She will make it clear to the staff of any changes you would want to the item you want to eat

She may not be a Karen, but she can probably exert that energy off to the staff

You’ll probably need to talk to her about letting you do the talking when it comes to ordering your food from now on

But be patient, she’s still pretty new to this

Crystal PUNK/Cherry

-Sherri has some family that are diabetic, so she knows what they go through

That doesn’t mean their experiences are the exact same as yours

-She doesn’t hover over you about your diet or when to take your insulin

You should know how to take care of yourself

Will give you small reminders just in case you forget though

-Cooking dates will become a thing

She wants to learn how to make your favorite foods

She also wants to learn more about what you can and can’t eat

Please give her kisses for a good job

-Overall she won’t baby you about it and knows you’re able to take care of yourself

Vanessa

-So let’s say Vanessa survived the final events of the game and Ivy & PAFF were able to fix both her body and core

She’s back to being kind hearted and more stable than she ever has been before

She was also able to escape from A.R.C since they were using her to keep the cyTus network up and running

-Years of knowledge don’t necessarily prepare her to help with diabetes

It may have been around since her time or it may have developed after The Decommission, I don’t have the answers exactly

Regardless, she’s just not prepared

You’ll have to tell her more about it and how it affects you

-Despite being unprepared, she is more than willing to put in the effort and help you live a normal life

As normal as it can be since she’s still recovering from what happened to her

She’ll most likely go to Ivy for help since Ivy has lived upon humans longer than her

-Chances are with time, she will know more based on your experiences and anything she’s researched with the help of Ivy

Xenon

-First thing’s first- teach him about diabetes!

I promise he wants to learn more about it and how it affects you

Is it Type 1? Type 2?

What type of medicine do you take and how many times a day?

Is there any food you can’t eat at all?

Tell him everything please-

-You bet he made a spreadsheet and spent the next few nights researching everything he could find on diabetes

-He can’t go to your doctor appointments most of the time since work keeps him busy, but when he does he asks them multiple questions

Cares so much about your health, even if it sounds like he’s being rude to them

-Will help you with formulating a good diet based off what he knows about diabetes and what the doctor recommends

Obviously you’ll have to give him some input since you know your body the best

-Has a schedule on when you should check your levels in case you forget

ConneR

-Very knowledgeable man, we love that

He has no knowledge of how diabetes works and assumed the worst when you told him

You had to inform him of how it actually works and how it’s affecting you on a daily basis

-Now he doesn’t panic, but he sure was worried for a second there

-You know, he would be extra and write a whole ass song for you

It’s based on your experiences and everything you’ve told him about diabetes

He’ll play it for you when you’re having a bad day or feeling upset about having to deal with it

-Tea time is his favorite time of day with you

He does love a good cake with his tea, but he won’t have it around you

-He’s also not afraid to correct anyone who spreads misinformation about diabetes

Why anyone would do that, he has no clue

He’ll go after them though, that shit is not allowed so long as he lives on the internet

Joe

-My man respects the fuck out of you!

You cannot look in his eyes and not see how much love he has for you!

And you got diabetes? Shit, he doesn’t care- he loves you for you!

-With that being said, he’s stupid and has on occasion slipped up on what you can’t eat when he’s cooking dinner

“Babe, how come you’re avoiding that?”

“Because I can’t eat it.”

“Son of a bi-”

-He is doing his hardest to cook you delicious food while working with your meal plan

I think it calls for good job kisses and cuddles

He definitely deserves it

-Anyone at the bar that decides to make fun of his S/O gets whopped by a pool stick and his foot up their ass

He does not accept anyone talking shit about them just because they have to deal with diabetes

All the regulars know not to fuck with him or his S/O

-He’s always testing out new dishes and drinks that’ll appeal to more customers with diabetes (just like you!)

Feedback is always appreciated! He accepts your critiques very well

Also free lunch? Who doesn’t want that?

Sagar

-You picked either the right or wrong person to date

-Do you love exercise? Do you love healthy meal dates? Do you love feeling like your core is going to explode?

If you said no to any of these questions, too bad! :D

Sagar is ripped for a reason

And he will ensure that you stay on top of your health 100% of the time

-He’s the partner that will get you up at 7 am to go on a run

“But Sagar, it’s too early-”

To him, it’s never too early to stay in shape and keep you healthy

It is too early for you

-However, he does have fears of something bad happening if he doesn’t keep this up for you

The unknown scares him the most, even if he doesn’t show it

The next time you’re cuddling him, give him those gentle smooches and let him know that you’re going to be okay

You’re not going anywhere anytime soon

Now back to exercising

Rin

-She is an absolute sweetheart and her botanical work may pay off!

When she first heard about your condition, she wasn’t sure on what to do

After a long talk, she understood and took notes on what you need when it comes to her support

-She finds a few plants in her greenhouse that can be added to your food depending on your meal plan

Any time you mention you don’t like eating a certain herb, she puts it on her “Do Not Feed” list

-She can’t exactly cook and leaves that up to you. You know what you can and can’t eat, after all

-Will pick up on your schedule when it comes to checking your levels and taking your insulin

-She is your emotional support Rin when you need her

Cuddles are her favorite thing to do when you’re feeling down

This isn’t an easy condition to deal with and she knows that

Dotes on you and calls you cute nicknames to get you to smile and cheer up

She’s a shy kisser, but cheek and forehead kisses are always up to the plate when it comes to you

[konpithepuppy]

[TRANSLATION: anan No. 2231; 12.2020]

7 MEN SAMURAI SOLO INTERVIEW + MESSAGE + CROSS TALK

Scans not mine

Neither an English nor a Japanese native speaker

Feel free to correct me, thanks

7 MEN 侍

Dignified and Bold

7 MEN 侍's long-awaited first appearance on anan. Experiencing a turbulent 2020, these 6 people are pursuing a new entertainment. Challenging the stage play 「DREAM BOYS」, looked closer at their real selves.

Nakamura Reia

I like to make each of my choices the correct answer.

I was originally a kid who skateboards wearing a cap over a long hair and loose jeans. That's why I didn't have interest in being an idol, rather, I thought that having a neat appearance was lame. But, when I unwillingly went to the audition, I was selected to be a member of Snow Prince choir so I couldn't quit...My awareness changed when I started working as Sexy Boyz with Kishi (Yuta) and Jinguji (Yuta). It was different from my lenient and care-free self, I am positive and had the desire to improve myself with my works, I really got motivated. During the time when Sexy Zone who is close to me also debuted, I am the only one who didn't feel impatient or frustrated, rather, I felt "yabai". Since then, I started to think to do my best to be an idol seriously.

I am happy that Johnny-san chose me to be the center of 7 MEN 侍, but I am not the type who pulls everyone, the other 5 members have better skills than I am, they are also reliable, and on the contrary, I am being supported by them. It's just that, only my mental strength is strong. I totally don't care about things like criticisms from the society. Something like it is better to say bad things about me rather than attacking the other members. Because more than those criticisms, the fans are telling me that they like me. Or rather, this toughness might be my unique talent (LOL).

Since I came to like acting because of「Koi no Yamai to Yarougumi」, I want to try playing NG guy who has an older girl as the partner kind of role like「Himemon」or 「Kimi wa Petto」.

Is becoming an idol my fate...? But after all, everything is from the choices that I made by myself. I decided to go to the audition, I was taught by Johnny-san about how wonderful to be an idol, and I've continued being an idol up to now. From now on too, I would like to make each of my choices the correct answer.

Q. To have the luck on your side, do you have your own ritual?

Before the live, with the meaning of "please look over us", I talk to the photo of Johnny-san that is placed in the backstage room, I also put my hands together. I am the type who is moderately nervous but I don't hate that feeling of being encouraged.

Motodaka Katsuki

It seems that the feeling of home when the 6 of us gathers is very valuable.

I started singing, dancing, and playing on stage when I entered Johnny's. But, being completely absorbed in an instant than being skillful is my strength. But, with the keyboard I am in-charge of, my experience playing the piano since I was 3 years old was put into use. At that time, I really didn't like playing the piano. It was like that but I got the sense of perfect pitch. I am thankful to my parents to let me, who hates playing piano, attend the class.

I am attending college now but during my high school, I got a lot of advices from Snow Man's Abe (Ryohei)-kun. Since I have been chasing him on his back for a long time, I have been encouraged on how he flapped big his wings as Snow Man. Honestly, 3 months before the first concert as 7 MEN 侍, I wanted to see the world from the different point of view so I planned to study abroad in New York. At that time, I once again tried to think about this job. And then, I realized that I grew to love this job. The good sides and the bad sides, as a human being evaluated directly, there's a sense of accomplishment in here. That's why, studying abroad became not necessary for me until I take a break from the work that I love.

This year, I had a lot of chances to be in quiz shows alone, and I thought "Is being not with the members this disheartening?"...To that extent, I can feel that the feeling of home when going back to 7 MEN 侍 is very important. The members often tease me, but since I am not a talkative and interesting type of person, I become happy too when I made them laugh when they tease me. But behind the scenes, the members are relying on me and I often receive personal consultations too. 7 MEN 侍 who is in the process of exploring it's form, now and from now on too, I want to support everyone. And in the year 2021, even if we encounter struggles, this may be the year where we can have a firm grip to make great strides!

Q. To have the luck on your side, do you have your own ritual?

This is just my own value but I don't believe in luck. Everything is result of my own decision and it is my own responsibility. I don't want to blame "luck", and I also don't want to think that what happened is thanks to "luck". Suppose there is luck, pulling that luck towards yourself is a great deal of effort.

Sugeta Rinne

An idol is a wonderful job that has the charm to inspire people's hearts.

When I was an elementary student, I went to Hey!Say!JUMP-san's live and when I saw a girl who is in front of Yamada (Ryosuke)-kun cry and laugh, I thought that an idol is a wonderful job that has the charm to inspire people's hearts. Rinne also wants to be like that so Rinne uploaded everyday in ISLAND TV during stay home. I had worries like, "Won't they get tired of me?" but it turned to "I am sure the fans are happy with this, right?"

Rinne's special skills are acrobatics and sports, and I was able to appear in shows like 「Honoo-no Taiiku-kai TV」や「SASUKE」. For me, I think a person who is athletic is cool, and since you will want to support a person who is working hard, from now one too, I want to appeal as a Johnny's who can do sports. It would be nice if I can also appear in 「Run for Money」this 2021.

The senior that I admired is Ueda Tatsuya-kun. There was a time during a race in 「Honoo-no Taiiku-kai TV」, I showed off to hype up the audience and my time got slower. During that time, I really got scolded by Ueda-kun saying, "You can't win like that." Since that was the first time I got scolded throughout my Johnny's life, I think a senior who can properly scold his juniors is cool.

In 2020, I got 1 million yen when I guested in 「Quiz! Only 1」, I think Rinne is a guy who can grab luck. Before, when the my previous unit was gone, it felt like I have lost my chance...Given that I thought of quitting Johnny's if I am not going to be put in a group until 2020, I am so glad that I went to talk directly to Johnny-san. Since I now have a group original song and individual job, I think this is really the time to give my all.

Q. To have the luck on your side, do you have a ritual that only you doTo have the luck on your side, do you have your own ritual?

Before the actual show, I watch videos of my senior's lives starting with Hey!Say!JUMP-san's. Since I think having a proper image of "idol" as " a work to make people happy", I can do a better performance.

Sasaki Taiko

The 6 of us, even though we are late bloomers, I believe that we can definitely bloom.

The one who opened my path to Johnny's is Takahashi Kaito-kun. I also sent my resume when I heard that Kaito-kun who I thought cool when I saw him in a dance contest. With that, now that I am working as the same Johnny's, this is an amazing fate! I talk about music with Sato Shori-kun who likes the same band as mine, and I also receive dishes that he makes. Kishi (Yuta)-kun who Shori-kun is good friend with, took me to a his favorite soba stall saying, "It's a delicious shop." Since then, I've been addicted to that shop too.

I have been practicing dancing and playing drums when I was a kid, but Johnny-san chose my drumming skills more. At first, even though I am very thankful to be able to show it, I have become greedier and greedier, and I honestly thought that "I can also dance"...But 3 months before Johnny-san passed away, I heard from Oriyama (Nao) of Shounen Ninja that Johnny-san said, "Sasaki is good at dancing too." From here, I want to say with confidence that I am also good at dancing that Johnny-san had recognized. After all, dancing is a must in Johnny's! In addition, while polishing thoroughly my singing and acting too, I want to reach for something extraordinary.

With 7 MEN 侍 changing the members twice, a self-conscious was born each time and I have come do develop mutual trust with them. Even if these 6 people bump into a big wall, if these 6 people are together, they will be able to cross over it, they are probably late bloomers but I believe they can be successful and well known. (T/N: lit. 花を咲かせられる (flower can bloom; it is like an "idiomatic expression" for becoming successful and well known) In 2021, if possible, I want to do a live where 100% of the audience can go. It is going to be a live where they can think "I am glad I am supporting 7 MEN 侍." I'll cry if that happens (LOL).

Q. To have the luck on your side, do you have your own ritual?

I do things as I please like how I kissed Hamada Masatoshi-san of Downtown in a variety show, but I am really very nervous...Before the show, I am the type who right the character "人" 3 times on my palm, I do it seriously (LOL).

Konno Taiki

I think I could grab the chance because I was able to meet Johnny-san.

I like Kimura Takuya-san since I was 3 years old, and thinking that I want to be like him, I sent my resume to the agency. In year 2020, when I was able to go and see Kimura-san's tour, I told him those feelings, he said, "Let's take a photo together." I thought that a star is different after all.

From the start, even before joining Johnny's, with singing as my strong point, I love singing in front of people. I often sing Misora Hibari-san's 「Kawa No Nagare No Youni」. But when I hit the puberty, I came to hate my own voice. I stopped singing for a while but during my 4th year in Johnny's, when I casually hummed to Kinki Kids'san's 「Anniversary」near Johnny-san, he praised me saying, "You're good in singing!" More than anything else, I am glad that Johnny-san who loved me like a parent recognized my singing which is something that I am trying to make as my strong point. From that moment, I worked hard because I wanted to be praised by Johnny-san, but when he passed away, it felt like I have lost my aim. But for Johnny-san, he hates negative remarks the most. That's why it is not the time to feel down, aiming seriously for this group to debut, I feel like that timing completely changed my awareness towards work. I think I could grab the chance because I was able to meet Johnny-san after all. If that didn't happen, no doubt I am not here now.

2020 is the year where I got to experience a lot of things for the first time. Especially with the stage play 「The Happy Prince」, I was able to feel the enjoyment of plays. I think it would be nice if I can challenge campus love story in a drama or movie this 2021.

Q. To have the luck on your side, do you have your own ritual?

When I want to calm down, I use a perfume that has a sweet vanilla scent. Since「The Happy Prince」is my first stage play, I was very nervous. When I used this perfume during that time too, it was able to relieve my nervousness.

Yabana Rei

A performance that will also remain to the memories of those who are not knowledgeable about music.

I took the audition 4 times. For the details, you can try watching the episode where I talked about it in YouTube channel (LOL). Even if I passed the document screening but I couldn't go to the practice, I will repeat the cycle of going through audition again. If ever I continued [being a Jr.] during my first audition, I might be dancing and I might not had been able to make an appeal with musical instruments as my special skill during the band boom of Johnny-san. I am being told, "You're not Johnny's-like" because I say that I am better in playing instruments than dancing. It's just that, if I didn't enter Johnny's, I won't be playing instruments until now. So I can say that it feels like a wonderful destiny to be playing instruments as 7 MEN 侍.

Other than the bass that I am in-charged of playing, I also play guitar and harmonica. The first instrument I started with was drums and I got very hooked with 「Taiko no Tatsujin」(LOL). If you play different things, you will pick up the characteristics of each sound and you will be able to make songs too. I also want learn about the theories so I am attending college of music. I am a complete geek as regards to music (LOL). Me going on a rampage on stage is the result of me thinking on how I can show 7 MEN 侍's style. In the letters from the fans, letters with "you are cool playing the guitar" is not few even though I am playing the bass. Since there was a time when I also don't know clearly the difference between the guitar and the bass, so I can understand that feeling. That's why I want to do a performance that will remain to the memories of anyone.

With the aim "to be not less than what I am now" for next year, I want to be able to do more work than I did for this year. ...by the way, this is not a prank, right? I am very overwhelmed lately and I still can't believe that I am having an interview for anan (LOL).

Q. To have the luck on your side, do you have your own ritual?

Going to this certain shrine. Since I visited there alone during New Year, we had talk about changing the instruments we play and I have luck on my side. I like that it is quiet there even though it is located within the city, when I found that shrine, I prayed to the god of works.

Message

To Nakamura

To stand as the face of the group, you stand as the center of the group. His personality is my pace and gentle-mannered. Since you are not the "follow me!" type, that's why I think the members with strong personalities are also kept in place. Because I get stiff in front of seniors, Reia's sense of "being loved by everyone" is really nice. Even though you have the longest history in agency in the group, you are not prideful at all, Reia who can understand the things he can't do and who can rely to others is amazing. (Motodaka)

To Motodaka

Our overwhelmingly highly educated member. And yet, you are not annoying because you are a cute guy who is an overeater and carelessly says foolish things like "therefore!?" (LOL) Before the group was formed, you are a companion who I find easy to talk with, but you see me as a senior, right? The way you call me too was "Reia-kun". But I am happy that you interact with me on equal terms lately. (Nakamura)

To Yabana

Banasan is seen as someone reliable, and among the fans, I think they see him as peculiar, funny, and has a lively image. But unexpectedly, he has a delicate side too, and he is fairly a considerate person.He is really a very nice person that sometimes he looks pitiful. Well, I also usually tease Yabana (LOL). That's why, everyone too, please take good care of Yabana more! (Konno)

To Konno

He doesn't seem elusive at first glance, but I think he is stubborn. Konpi definitely won't cross the line he can't compromise with. And, he hates lounging around doing nothing. When work is done, he will be the first person who will say "I'm going home." At the start of 2020, when we changed the atmosphere of our band, I was struggling with the hook part's harmony, but Konpi can properly play the sound. I am super jealous of his talent! (Yabana)

To Sasaki

Among the members, he has the biggest gap. Despite being called as "mad dog", he still makes weird faces and also jokes around doing things that are not Johnny's-like. Since he is a youngest child, he might also have an impression of being a brat and naughty. But in lives, he shows a sparking cool dance, and he has a excellent style too. Since his range is really amazing, I hope you can enjoy his both sides! (Sugeta)

To Sugeta

You have the cuteness like an idol. Especially you like Yamada-kun, you have Hey!Say!JUMP's DVD and there was a time when we enjoyed watching it together. Also, your muscle is amazing, you are really healthy (LOL). But in reality, you are the type who will be silent when you get mad so I will ask Reia, "Why is he mad? Did I do something?" (LOL) Thinking of the members, I think the member who likes 7 MEN 侍 the most is Rinne! Since you always listens to our original songs. (Sasaki)

Cross Talk

Motodaka: anan is the magazine that my mother often buys. Thus, I am happy to be able to appear in anan! At home, I am always being asked, "Are you going to work today?", but this morning I said, "No, it's not for work" (lit. it's different). I want to make it a surprise [for my mom] once this issue is released.

Yabana: It would be funny if she didn't notice it even if it is already released~!

Nakamura: Even when they have the magazine at home LOL.

What is the history of your group name?

Sugeta: At the time we got the group name, I was doing activities with another 7 people. Rinne and Reia went to Johhny-san asking "we want a group name." And then, Johnny-san told us "I understand, I will think about it."

Nakamura: And then we thought that day was already over.

Sugeta: 5 minutes later, we got called "Samura~i!"

Nakamura: I thought, "Who is he calling Samurai!?" but when I looked around, it is only us who were there.

Sugeta: When the 2 of us went to Johnny-san, he asked us, "Do you know Kurosawa Akira's 「Shichinin no Samurai」?" Then, when we answered, "We know that film," he told us, "Then, how about being called 7 MEN 侍 from now on?" Each of the samurai who appeared in the movie are properly...like this...

Konno: Having strong personalities and skills.

Sugeta: Yeah

Konno: I am grateful that 7 people like that (having strong personalities and skills) were gathered.

Have you seen the movie?

All: ...(Only Nakamura-san raised his hand)

Nakamura: Wait a minute!

Sasaki: Everyone has not seen the movie except for Reia LOL.

Nakamura: It is the origin of our group name so let's watch it~!!

Yabana: Gerin-san (Sugeta) lying to Johnny-san saying "I know the film" is the worst LOL.

Nakamura: It is a wonderful film and you will learn something from it so please watch it!

What is 7 MEN 侍's strength?

Motodaka: Our difference from the other groups is that [playing a] "band" is our strength. As idols, we don't only play as a band but we can also show our dance.

Sasaki: Yeah, having both band and dance as "weapons" is huge, isn't it?

Motodaka: Yeah, since our first original song 「samudama」 is a band song, and our second original song 「Siren」 is a dance song.

Konno: When our next song was thought to be a band song too, our next song came out as a cool dance song.

Nakamura: With this, our third song became something incalculable. From now on too, I want for the fans to look forward to what our new song is each time we announce our new song.

Within the group, who is the member who has the element of "samurai" the most?

Konno: It's either me or Yabana, right?

Sugeta: Is it about the appearance?

Konno: In the sense of sticking with the will.

Yabana: Don't say that yourself!

In Yabana-san's solo interview, he described Konno-san exactly the same way you with what you (Konno) have said...

Konnp: Is that so? Then I shouldn't have said it. Please tell me properly about it. This is embarrassing!

Motodaka: Konpi dragged Yabana with guarantee LOL. For Yabana, getting dragged is just a trouble.

Yabana: Don't drag me into it~!

Nakamura: LOL. I love kanji, I wonder if that is samurai-like. I also play Sengoku. But, if we talk about the body, then isn't Rinne the one who is samurai-like?

Sugeta: Rinne thinks that more than being a samurai, I am more like a ninja.

Yabana: What is that? A self-awareness of a secret mystery from your heart LOL.

Nakamura: Of course we are idols, but I think it is also good to show the manly side of us exclusively during our band performances.

Yabana: We will go on a rampage like Sakamoto Ryouma who tried to change Japan!

Sasaki: For me, changing...or rather it's more like I want to create a new path.

Konno: Defying the public belief.

Yabana: The awareness that we don't want to go with the typical type is something we all have in common, right?

Motodaka: All 6 of us have different personalities but we that the same awareness.

Konno: We don't want to pretend to be someone else.

Sasaki: It's a subjective image but I think protecting a girl is an element of a samurai. It is gonna be a cheesy talk but I want to be an idol who can protect the fans.

Motodaka: You just said something really good! But, what would be the good thing to do to protect the fans?

Sasaki: I think making them happy.

Sugeta: By making our fans happy, as a result, we are able to protect them!

Motodaka: We are saying good things today, aren't we?

Nakamura: With what said earlier , it doesn't feel like you worked LOL.

Currently, you are in the middle of practice for the stage play 「DREAM BOYS」.

Konno: I watched the DREAM BOYS 2019 where Reia and Taiko appeared, and since I thought I wanted to appear on it again, I am so happy to be able to appear on DREAM BOYS again.

Sugeta: Since there is already a vision in Domoto Koichi-san who is directing the play, I am looking forward to recieving direction and guidance even before the practice.

Sasaki: Reia will stand in front of the audience after a while, right?

Nakamura: Yeah. I currently have a feeling like I am seeing the person I love after a while that my heart is throbbing.

ALL: OH~!!

Sasaki: Rinne made a face that he doesn't want to lose [to Reia] after hearing Reia's comment LOL.

Nakamura: Probably, this comment will be used by Rinne on a different interview, right? LOL.

What is the charm of 「DREAM BOYS」?

Sugeta: The burning passion of two men towards boxing is its charm after all, right?

Nakamura: Yeah. The feelings are delivered in a straight manner.

Motodaka: It is a story that firmly depicts humans and their relationships with each other.

Sasaki: Youth! It has the entertainment that is unique to Johnny's so you won't get tired of watching it. Oh, which minds me, as soon as the practice started, Kishi (Yuta)-kun asked, "Is Yabana not around today?"

Yabana: He told me "teach me how to play the guitar please." It is an honor to be needed by a senior.

Sasaki: But (Iwasaki) Taisho is a strong opponent. It looks difficult to keep up with him LOL.

Yabana: Taisho mistook me for a nourishment or something and my energy gets absorbed.

Konno: It looks like Yabana has no time to rest LOL.

By the way, 7 MEN 侍 still does not have a leader, right?

Sugeta: *raised actively his hand alone*

ALL: *roar of laughter*

Sasaki: If our leader is like Rinne, 7 MEN 侍 is seriously over LOL. This is different from asking in in the werewolf game on who is the fortune teller and you will say, "I am."

Yabana: I think it is his win because he said it first LOL.

Konno: Announcing it during the anan round-table discussion which is a big occasion LOL.

Yabana: Doesn't it feel like the same thing for the MC part in YouTube channel...?

Nakamura: When Rinne realized that being the MC is not that great...

Sugeta: Well, whatever!

Sasaki: Since he stopped doing the MC, he wanted to have punishment games so that he would be shown in the camera even just for a little LOL.

Sugeta: In the filming recently, Rinne is always beside Yabana, right?

Motodaka: Don't tell me that's because if you are standing next to the MC, you will be in the camera too...?

Sugeta: Yup. I revealed this for the first time now.

Konno: In a sense, you are a genius LOL.

[elinakazan]

( ANNIE MURPHY + CIS FEMALE ) —  Have you seen ELINA KAZAN? This THIRTY-FOUR year old is an ART CURATOR who resides in BROOKLYN. SHE has been living in NYC for FOUR MONTHS, and is known to be CREATIVE and CAREFREE, but can also be QUIXOTIC and DRAMATIC, if you cross them.  People tend to associate them with HIGHLIGHTED PASSAGES IN A BOOK and PAINT-SPLATTERED CLOTHES  | @codstarters​

hiya! my name’s ella. i’m SO excited to be here and bring elina to this amazing roleplay. i can’t wait to interact with all of you! so please hmu if you’d like to plot!

. basic information

NAME: elina thisbe kazan

NICKNAME: el, ellie, lina

GENDER: cis female

PLACE OF BIRTH: victoria, british columbia, canada

HOMETOWN: birmingham, england

DATE OF BIRTH: april 26, 1986

AGE: thirty-four

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: bisexual

OCCUPATION: art curator at the moma

BOROUGH: brooklyn

. background

tw: cheating

Not much is known about Elina's biological parents. Her story is no much different than those of many children in the foster system: parents who were too young to raise a kid. She was born in Victoria, British Columbia, Canada. Although she still retains her Canadian citizenship, she does not remember much of her birthplace.

She was six months old when she was adopted by the Kazans. Both of them had immigrated to Canada ten years earlier. Her father, Estevan Kazan was a Greek citizen who moved to Canada to work on his Master's degree and her mother, Katina Trusova moved from Russia seeking a better life. By the time she was adopted, her parents had been married for five years and after several failed attempts to conceive, they decided to adopt. She does speak Greek and Russian fluently. 

The Kazans lived in Vancouver for three years before Estevan was offered a job in Birmingham. The whole family relocated to England and a year later her parents adopted a baby boy and two years later a baby girl completed the family.

A happy and reckless child, Elina gave her parents several headaches. She had enough energy to light a city and no matter the number of extracurricular activities her parents enrolled her in, she simply couldn't stay still. Regardless of her endless vitality, Elina often gave nothing but satisfactions to her parents. The kind and bubbly girl turned over the years in a clever, outgoing and creative woman.

Elina never really had a plan, most of the time she just went along with the flow. One day she wanted to be an Olympic athlete and the next day she wanted to be a doctor. Her life aspirations were ever-changing. However, the only constant in her life was her love and passion for art, any kind of art. A dreamer per nature, Elina found solace in paintings, songs, films and books. They allowed her to travel to a different world and in the tough moments, art has always been there for her.

Loyal to her capricious nature, Elina tied the knot when she was just 18 years old. Harry Vandenberg was not a random choice. In fact, aside from art, he'd been the other constant in her life. Best friends since she moved to England, Elina swears that she knew she was going to marry him even at the tender age of three. It took years to go from strangers to friends to boyfriend and girlfriend and finally to husband and wife.

Elina started university shortly after the wedding. She decided to take a double program and she graduated with a Bachelor in History of Art and Classics from Oxford. While her academic life kept her busy, she often felt alone. Being in the army, Harry was often away. At first, she didn't mind the loneliness, but soon it started to take a toll on their relationship.

Throughout most of her life, Elina aimed to have a marriage like the one her parents had. In her eyes, they were the perfect couple until she found out it all had been a lie. Her parents divorce came out of nowhere but soon enough her mother explained everything. Her father had been cheating on her for the past fifteen years. Elina's whole world crumbled down upon hearing that and just like that her trust in those close to her was gone.

No one could be trusted. That was all she had taken from her parents' divorce and unfortunately she brought it into her marriage. Elina started to question Harry's faithfulness. Nothing he did or say could change her mind that her husband was not cheating. Without evidence she continued to accuse him and despite his best efforts to prove his innocence, their marriage came to and end. All those false allegations became a reality. She had pushed him away and turned him into a cheater.

Her heartache was enhanced when she saw Harry's face all over the news after his relationship with the princess came out. When it came to settle the divorce, Elina decided she didn't want anything, she just signed it and moved to Italy where she lived until four months ago.

Six months ago, she was offered her dream job: museum curator at the MOMA. She hesitated to take it since she knew Harry lived there and the last thing she wanted was to make everyone think that she was moving there for him but in the end, she couldn't deter her own dreams because of him. So, she took the job and relocated to New York four months ago. She got a nice place in Brooklyn and she hopes that the city is big enough to avoid running into her ex-husband.

. personality

Elina worships her freedom. She loves travel, adventure, meeting new people, and she longs to experience all of life. If she hates something in life that is routine. She doesn't want to lead a humdrum life and she is often doing a bunch of things as she is not tied down to one task. Her upbeat personality helps her to make friends easily and she often attracts people from all walks of life. She has a way with words and an uncanny ability to motivate others, she also loves to make people laugh and tends to be very sarcastic almost cynical. Honesty and loyalty are sacred to her and that can make her feel wary. She doesn't trust easily and chooses very careful who to trust. Elina is also an idealistic and a daydreamer. She is always in her own little world and she tends to get distracted easily.

. potential connections

siblings: she has two siblings, a brother (30) and a sister (28). they are also adopted (so the fc could be anyone). i imagine they have a good relationship, although maybe she could have had a fallout with one of them because they decided to take their father’s side in the divorce.

close friends: could be friends she made in england, italy or here in new york. she has plenty friends but this group is special because she trusts them which is a hard thing for her to do.

partner in crime: so elina is very spontaneous, they kind of person who rarely says no to adventure. unfortunately, not many people are like that but this person is just like her and they always say yes to all her plans. 

art lovers: they run into each other at art galleries, exhibitions, open mics, museums, screenings, concerts, anything that involves art. so obviously they have the same interests, so they are each other art buddy. 

university classmates/friends: she attended oxford for four years, then the royal academy of art and right now she’s doing a master’s at nyu.

before sunset plot: okay so she traveled a lot after her divorce, so i’d love a plot like the one in the movie, ya know, they met on a train and talked for hours, they walked around the cities and talked some more. there was a connection but then their ways had to be split. 

unlikely friends: despite their differences they are friends. elina is very outgoing, reckless and impulsive while your character is the opposite of that.

fwb: since her divorce, elina hasn’t been in a serious relationship, however, this is the closest she has to one. they just fall in tune with the other. it’s easy, no strings attached. (m/f)

ex-flings: she probably has hooked up with a few people, it’s casual. (m/f)

tinder date: yeah she fell into the online dating world and let’s say it did NOT go well. it was akward but in a fun way. everything that could have gone wrong went wrong. it’s a fond memory but obviously there wasn’t a second date.

neighbours: people who live either in brooklyn or in her apartment complex.

OOOF ! okay, that’s all i have for now. i didn’t proofread this so excuse the lazy english but it’s 3 am here so my brain is dead. anyway, enough rambling. i’d loooove to plot with y’all so please like this or come and hit me up with plots. tumblr messages or discord, i’m game for anything!!! :D

[princecupcakee]

Park Bench | Reddie

Read on AO3

Rating: E

Pairing: Richie Tozier/Eddie Kaspbrak

Word Count: 3,320

Chapter: 7/8

Past Chapters: Chapter 1 (AO3), Chapter 2 (AO3), Chapter 3 (AO3), Chapter 4 (AO3), Chapter 5 (AO3), Chapter 6 (AO3)

Next Chapters: 

Summary: Recently divorced and ‘incapable of love’, Eddie Kaspbrak moves to Los Angeles for work and a small, small hope of a fresh start. Broken up and never dated again, Richie Tozier tries to get back into love with help from his love of music. Quickly meeting eyes and one concert later, they think that maybe love isn’t that bad. So they try it one more time.

Chapter 7: Richie Tozier Waits, Richie Tozier Looks For Eddie Kaspbrak & Eddie Kaspbrak Gives A Vinyl 

Tag-list: @richietoaster​ , @s-s-georgie​ , @mikeuris​ , @gazebobullshit​ , @that-weird-girls-blog​ , @tozierking​ , @thoughtfullyyoungduck​ , @s-onora​ , @bellarosewrites​ , @lermanslogan​ , @ambitiousskychild​ , @ghostnebula​ , @vanillaredvelvet​ ,

(Ask if you wanna be on the tag-list!!)

Chapter 7

Richie Tozier Waits

Eddie was released from the hospital four days after his injury. It happened that morning, Richie couldn’t be there though. He almost fired his manager for not being able to move the meeting to later that day when he knew that Eddie was at home and healthy. (At home, Richie was really happy with the thought. Eddie at home.) It was Saturday now, and his plan was fitting into place. He held all the records in his hands, grinning. On the back of every vinyl was, ‘Eddie. I love you. Meet me at the park bench at three. -Richie.’

He grinned. He was able to learn the route Eddie takes on his way to work from Bev. Eddie wasn’t going to work that day of course, but the pharmacy he goes to was very close to his office, so he, Mike, and Bill were going to buy some pills from the doctor’s prescription. Richie was supposed to take the same train on his way to the meeting anyway, so he had just dropped the records on his way there. He tried his best to pay attention to the meeting; it didn’t work that well. How could you pay attention to a meeting when you’re about to propose to the love of your life? (Richie liked to use that; ‘love of my life’ it made his heartache in the best way possible.)

He got the rundown from Jackie when they had lunch that noon, right before he was heading back. Something about a show next week in some big, popular stage. She said she’d handle it so Richie just left it to her. He got on a train to the park after that, grabbing ice cream on his way there. He was far more than excited, but still a fair amount of fear. That was normal though, right?

It scared him a bit if he was feeling the right way. This felt so much calmer than what he had felt with Connor. Everything felt calm and sweet and right. He felt like he could finally stop holding his breath and smile without something in the back of his head telling him this is a lie. That this was a lie that you created in your head because you're so desperate. This was something that he could trust. Just being able to admit that meant more to him than anything he and Connor ever had. Eddie never lied to him, no suspicions because he’s always there. Always want to be there.

He was seated on the bench now. The ring in a box in his back pocket, turning his phone off the moment he unlocks it. It was only 2:15, he overestimated the time a bit. It would be fine though, Eddie’s early most of the time. He could keep himself busy.

The first fifteen minutes were boring. He just sat and stared and thought. He was productive, but that didn’t mean it was interesting. He plotted out a speech. He wouldn’t stand on the bench (though, he thought of it) it was going to be simple. Holding Eddie’s hands, he would thank him. All the thoughts he changed, all the things learned, the things that made him smile. Stating all of them would take them to the next day, of course, so just a few that their relationship was built on.

The next fifteen minutes were spent with a little girl who asked him what he was doing there. His answer was that he was going to propose to someone.

“Who?”

“My boyfriend.”

“Why?”

“Because I love him.”

“I love this girl. She lives across the street from me. She doesn’t like girls. I’m just waiting.”

“Waiting for what?”

“For a girl who likes girls, or if she would like girls. Or me,” the child cocked her head to the side. They kept on with that until another girl came up behind her and gave her some flowers from the flower patch a few ways down the path. She had bid him goodbye and asked him if he could tell his husband she said hello.

The next fifteen minutes were spent talking to an old woman who’s husband was overseas. They hadn’t seen each other in a while but they had been talking over the phone. He had dialed the wrong number 53 years ago and they fell in love. The next few topics revolved around his love story (he never knew it was so fun to tell.) “I’m proposing to him today.”

“Thats wonderful. Be sure to take care of him and treasure him.”

“I really do.”

“Then your love is sure to live on for years. Just look at mine!” Unbeknownst to her, her husband was standing a few steps away from the park bench they were seated. The lady had bid Richie goodbye and went off with her husband.

The next fifteen minutes were spent with a middle-aged lawyer who feels as if his marriage is losing what it had before. He and his partner had been together for years as he says, it just feels as if they were drifting apart. They had gone back and forth with why he could be feeling that way, but nothing seemed to work out for him.

It was truly sad to see, you could see just how much the man loved them. Richie didn’t really think of this applying to himself, one because he wanted to help and, two, he didn’t really want to. It wouldn’t, anyway. They had talked about what could have made this happen, the man, close to tears, just shook his head. “You can always try. Be with them more, show them you love them,” Richie tried.

“How? We’ve been married for years, I don’t even know how.”

“Do something for them; what’s something they love?”

“Uh, flowers?”

“Give them a garden.”

The man thought about it intensely for a while, silently kicking a pebble. His stiffness lessened and he smiled, “I can try.”

“The effort would be enough to show it,” Richie smiles.

“Thank you,” the man smiled, off to the flower shop.

“Today is a good day for love,” Richie said to himself, watching as tiny droplets make little ripples in the water of the lake in front of him.

Richie Tozier Looks For Eddie Kaspbrak

He had waited for Eddie for three hours. The sun had set, the people were gone, the rain was so heavy to a point where it would hurt when it hit him. He stayed there though, waiting. By the time it was 6 o’clock, all of his phone calls without reply, all of his texts seen but unanswered, he was worried. He had run to his car, drenched in rain and eyes puffy from crying and heart beating faster than it ever has before from worry.

The thoughts chased him as he drove at a speed that seemed unimaginable. It probably wasn’t unimaginable, it was probably just the fact that his eyesight was horrible and the hard and heavy rain hitting his windshield didn’t make anything better.  He was dizzy, he was cold, what happened?

He should’ve left hours ago. He should’ve guessed that Eddie wouldn’t be there after only being released from the hospital. What was he thinking? Almost crashing into a tree when he turned left to the Marsh Mansion, the closest house to the park, and all the lights seemed to be spilling. He thought he might pass out. If he didn’t get someone, anyone, with him, he was probably going to die. He ran onto the brightly lit porch by the time it was 6:15, covered in what might as well just been his tears.

“Richie? What happened to you? I-“ Beverly cut her own words short. ‘he was proposing today,’ she thought, her heart aching at how pained Richie looked.

“I-I’m worried, Bev. Do you know where he is?”

“I’m- I’m so sorry Rich. I don’t know where he is. Wait here, I’ll call Ben, explain in the car okay?”

“I don’t know where he is Beverly,” he choked out loosely wrapping his arms around himself and resting his head on the door frame.

Instead of asking questions, she holds the side of his arms and goes back in to call Ben. Richie sunk down leaning almost fully onto the door frame. He can barely talk, too tired to let out an effort. It surprised him, mildly. When talking it was always so easy to let the words out, it barely hurts your throat, but when your scared, worried, anxious, tired, it takes up almost all your energy, even to just say ‘hi.’  

All three of them in the car, Ben driving, Beverly in the passengers and Richie seated in the back, his hands and legs moving around almost uncontrollably. He didn’t know if he was gonna panic, he didn’t know if he could see. Everything seemed to be spinning at such a fast pace, but he could see everything so clearly it was almost not moving. He didn’t understand and, frankly, he didn’t care to.

Maybe Eddie just didn’t leave the house. Maybe he was just asleep in his bed, his medication is there because Bill and Mike got it for him without Eddie needing to be there, and everything was fine. It was very likely that he was only making things worse in his head, and he dragged Ben and Bev, who knew nothing of what happened, into a slight panic for no reason at all. But he felt like he was going to choke, going to vomit his guts and lay limp on the ground. He felt like something was wrong, something isn’t the way its supposed to be. It was still probably just an overreaction, but fear is such a strong emotion.

By the time they had reached Richie’s apartment, his fear had subsided a fair amount. But when he opened his apartment door and all that was there was a vinyl and a letter on the table, his fear came back in a rush.

Eddie Kaspbrak Gives A Vinyl

He sat in Richie’s bed (he felt uncomfortable calling it his own) trying to compose himself.  It would be fine. The tear stains on the pillows would dry. The turtle will be fine. Anything he might’ve left would be thrown away. Everything would be as fine as it was in the beginning. But was it fine in the beginning? He was sure he wasn’t but Richie seemed to be doing good, he had his vinyl thing, he had his friends, his job, his new job, his house, his turtle. Richie would be fine without him.

But Eddie was wrapped in his selfishness, as he described it, and was scared of that exactly. That Richie would be fine without him, and that he wouldn’t be. That whatever he thought was pulling them together, was just something he made up in his head. He thought to himself that is was probably likely, he’s done it before: with his mother and his wife.

He took a deep breath, trying to push everything back inside, trying to stop the tears from falling again. This time, it worked. He picked himself back up and walked over to the living room. He just stood there for a while, feeling too guilty to even just walk around the apartment. Yet, he did. He walked over to the phonograph, something he’d wish he’d forget (or just never learned) and played whatever was on it. ‘He woke up from dreaming and put on his shoes’ sung the player.

Eddie wondered what song it was, slow, deep, and the lyrics tugged at his heart. Maybe it was just his mood but something about this song felt wrong. Something about this song brought the best and the worst upon… something. That whats probably stupid, though.

The song carried him around as he listened, “Forgive me I’m trying to find, my calling, I’m calling at night. I don’t mean to be a bother but have you seen this girl?”  Eddie sat down on the sofa, pulling his legs close together and his hands on his lap, feeling too foreign, too unwelcome to take up more space than he has. The lyrics took him strongly, his heart tight and loose at the same time, feeling each beat. He drums his fingers on the sofa, following the beats, “She’s been running through my dreams. And its driving me crazy it seems. I’m going to ask her to marry me.”

He laughed. If only his story had the same plot. If Richie asked him to marry him, he would’ve definitely said yes. He would be horrified, his past would be screaming at him no but he would’ve said yes. ‘But Richie wouldn’t do that,’ he thinks. The song went on, and it seemed as if every lyric narrated something so familiar. It was a story in the form of a song, of course, it had narrated something. But that didn’t explain why it felt like the lyrics sung something he knew. He dismissed it, thinking it was probably just a fairytale from his childhood.

As the song continued to the end, he wondered if maybe it wasn’t a fairytale. Maybe his story did have the same plot. He picked up the record, put it back in its box, and picked up a pen.

~~~

Eddie took the subway. It was faster than having to go through the L.A. traffic and missing his flight, plus, he didn’t want to spend any more time in this city than he needs to. Any more time in this state, actually. Bill and Mike were staying in L.A. (maybe for good) while Eddie would be back where he belongs: in New York City. They had told him, multiple times, that he could go back. That he didn’t have to do this, but Eddie only insisted. It didn’t take long for them to drop the argument.

Eddie regrets not using the car the moment he walked over the platform gap. There, right in front of him, was Hot Fuss, once again. He breathed in, trying to push the tears back in and looked away swiftly. Bill must’ve caught the action, as he put his hand on Eddie’s shoulder, who quickly shrugged it off. They took a seat far from the vinyl, not anywhere close to their field of vision.

Despite that, he still tried to watch it closely. It bothered him how much he needed it, to even see it would let him feel calmer. He picked up his bag, smiled at Mike and Bill saying that he had dropped something earlier, and walked over to where they were in the beginning. Bill and Mike knew what he was doing, it wasn’t that hard to spot, but they had let him be. If this was the last time, then, they supposed he might as well have it while its there.

Eddie sat beside the vinyl looking at it intensely. It was an argument that no one would win, he was arguing with himself. Not knowing if he should just leave it, take it with him or simply just take it in his hands. It lasted while he thought he probably looked weird just staring at a record on the seat beside him. He took it in his hands though, carefully tracing the letters on the front of it. He wished he didn’t take it at all. Because there, written almost illegibly in thick black sharpie was: ‘Eddie. I love you. Meet me at the park bench at three. -Richie.’

Unsurprisingly, though, as much as Eddie didn’t want to, he checked the watch on his phone. It was 2:30. He could still be there. He could still meet Richie and the park bench where they kissed. He could still take back all that he was letting go and- but he shook his head lightly, put the vinyl down, and walked back over to Bill and Mike, ignoring the vinyl for the rest of the ride.

~~~

The plane hadn’t started moving yet. He was looking out the window now, breathing in, breathing out. It was hard to not break into tears when you’re on a plane leaving the place you fell in love with someone for the first time. There was nothing in his headphones this time, no Hot Fuss, no All Time Low or Lucinda Williams, just white noise. Sometimes, when there was no sound, he would hear a ringing in his ears, something that sounded like a flatline, he hated it. It sounded like death. Silence sounded like death. He was listening to silence, so maybe it meant the plane would crash, maybe it meant something had died. Who knew what did, though?

He hit the play button on his earphones and waited, ‘Remember all the things we wanted,’ he heard. What is this song? He picked up his phone to change it, but something about this made him think. He laughed joylessly, this is exactly it. He pulled out his phone. Create a playlist, name playlist: richie. He smiled down at his phone, adding all the songs that reminded him of Richie, of their short-lived romance.

He was presented with a box, ‘Add a description’  written inside of it. He took a deep breath, how would he want to remember this? Then, with a painful thought, he typed what he wrote to Richie.

‘Richie,

I should be on a plane to New York City by the time you come home. My clothes would be gone, Maturin would be been fed, and you would be back with a schedule for your next great performance.

I love you. I don’t know what else to say besides that. I don’t think I’ve ever really been in love before you. My marriage didn’t feel the way this does, my flings never even coming close. You bring the chaos thats mandatory in love. The unsteady heartbeats, the unexplainable smiling, the uncontrollable need to be together. Thats how people describe love, right? This is how I feel about you Richie, never thin I left because I don’t want you because I would do anything to be able to. But I can’t stay. But, you’ll find someone new, you’ll be famous, you’ll have the life you were supposed to have. Its just that, that life doesn’t have me in it.

I’m sorry. I didn’t want to be there when you came home. I didn’t want you to see me and I didn’t wanna make the mistake of staying. I wish I could’ve had you, Richie. I wish I didn’t do the things I did so that there was nothing to risk so that I could be there with you. I’ve done so many things to hurt people, I don’t wanna hurt you. You’re too important to me. I don’t know if they really were hurt, or if they just wanted to manipulate me, but I couldn’t take any chances, especially on you.

Thank you. I guess love isn’t as bad as I thought it was, it wasn’t as guilty and as scary and as plain. I would stay if I could. Anyone who would leave you and hurt you doesn’t deserve what you give. I don’t deserve it, Richie. I’m glad I had it for a little while, but you need someone who can love you the way you're supposed to be loved. I don’t even trust myself, why should you trust me? I can’t fall in love again. Its only you. Thanks for changing my life and making it better. Sorry, I couldn’t do anything for you, but I hope you can find someone who can do what you did to me.

Fear is horrible, Richie. Don’t let it get in the way of you as it did to me.

I love you.

-Eddie’

[ampleappleamble]

⭐

BUH sorry this took forever, sadbrains and retail job got on top of me and smashed my motivation gland

AXA MALA

Keeps a small mesh pouch on a cord around her neck, filled with cinnamon, cardamom, cloves, and other assorted spices and herbs. It serves as a personal potpourri, the lovely scent a comfort to her in hard times. It also makes her smell good to others!

Has had seven romantic relationships in her life, and all of her partners have been male elves. (Only three of her relationships have been "serious", which to her means she liked and trusted them enough to sleep with them.) She is openly only interested in men, but vehemently denies having any biases or preferences between kith and insists her 100% elf dating track record is entirely coincidental. Vaargys was her sixth, Aloth is lucky number seven. ♡

Back when she was a scholar in Ixamitl, her rooms at home and at her lore college dormitory were always stuffed full of things: books, trinkets, gadgets, arts, crafts, teetering on the edges of her desks and tables, cluttering every square inch of shelf space. Anything she could get excited about, she'd collect. After her time in the White That Wends, she slowed down on her miscellanea gathering, forced to adapt to the simple, nomadic lives of the Glamfellen tribes she studied alongside. When she left Ixamitl for the Dyrwood, she left the vast majority of her possessions behind. Her new adventuring lifestyle wasn't very conducive to her old hoarding habits, and even after PoE1 with a whole castle to fill with Neat Stuff, Axa tended to keep her quarters somewhat austere. This habit carried over to her quarters on each of her boats in Deadfire (her sloop The Defiant, her dhow The Blue Rose, and her galleon The Iovara).

She grew up worshipping Wael, praying to them for insight, tripping on drugs in tribute. I headcanon Ixamitl residents favoring Wael the way Aedyrans favor Woedica and Readcerans favor Eothas, so Wael's influence in her life wouldn't have been unusual, but she was never especially devoted. A casual Waelite. Before the events of PoE1, the closest thing she'd ever had to a true "religious experience" was her bizarre and tumultuous relationship with Vaargys, a devotee of Wael, and we all know how that went. Then the Big Reveal happened, and ever since she views Wael the same way she views all of the gods: bad ideas made manifest. She still maintains the habit of saying "Waelspawn" and "Wael's bowels" as epithets.

She's not... a very good mother. She knows this, and is actively trying to improve. Axa privately acknowledges that a very large factor in her "impromptu adoption" of Vela was the fact that she was literally losing her mind at the time, and it was probably ultimately not the best idea. She also spent very little time with her daughter as she was growing up, leaving the Dyrwood about a year after PoE1 to train with (and join) the Kind Wayfarers in the Vailian Republics. Axa would return to Caed Nua on a regular basis to take care of business, but left Vela's rearing largely to nannies and tutors. Nevertheless, about six months before the events of Deadfire, she came home for good and started trying to establish a better relationship with her daughter after reflecting on her personal failures, possibly as part of her training...? In any case, they were just starting to get closer when Eothas smashed Axa's castle and killed her, so thanks for that bud, but despite the numerous distractions following said castle-smashing, Axa is still putting forth a concerted effort to be more available to her baby.

[eldritchsurveys]

904.

The last time you were in the fridge, what were you looking for? >> A beverage.

Do you like clowns? >> No.

Have you answered all of these questions honestly so far? >> There have only been two thus far, and I can't imagine lying on a survey question anyway.

What's the third text in your inbox? >> ---

Are you listening to anything at the moment? >> No.

Do you twitch when your falling asleep? >> Yeah, sometimes. Or I have that sudden falling feeling and jerk awake.

Are your dishes in the dishwasher clean or dirty? >> The dishwasher is either still running or finished running, so, either clean or about to be clean.

Are you at home or with friends more often? >> 98% of the time, I’m at home.

When is the last time you were on a bicycle? >> A year ago? At least? I don’t know. I tried to ride for a while but I’m too out of shape to enjoy it and it was discouraging. And by now, I’m worried it needs maintenance from having sat in the garage through a full cycle of seasons and I’m afraid to ride it.

What have you eaten today? >> A veggie burger and chips, a sandwich, and taco mac with Nuggs.

Would you date someone 15 years older than you? >> ---

Do you own a strapless bra? >> No.

Does the person you like know it? >> ---

Do you care if people hate you for no reason? >> I care in some circumstances, but not all.

Did anything brighten up your day today? >> I’m not sure. My day was pretty okay, though. To my pleasant surprise.

How are you feeling at this exact moment? >> Chill. A bit tired.

Are you someone who worries too often? >> I get anxious about things, but I’m not sure “worries too much” is applicable.

If you could date somebody who would it be? >> ---

Do you ever wonder how other people see you? >> Well, yeah.

What is one good thing you're known for? >> ---

How about one bad thing? >> ---

Are you taller than most? >> Most children, yeah. LOL

When was the last time you sang an ENTIRE song? >> Hmm... oh, I sang along to a Journey song while I was in the shower.

Are you the type of person who likes to be out or home? >> I like to be home.

What time do you normally go to bed? >> Between 10p and 12a.

What is one thing that is currently bothering you? >> My neck is still kind of sore, probably from sleeping wrong the other night or something. It’s getting better, but I also keep accidentally twinging it.

What did you do today? >> Read some of the book I’m on, watched a few episodes of Avenue 5, played some Torchlight 2, browsed tumblr, browsed Reddit. Not in that order.

Do you consider yourself to be attractive? >> No.

What was the last thing that you drank? >> A shandy.

Is anything annoying you now? >> No.

Has anyone ever said i love you to you and not meant it? >> How would I know, unless they told me (and in my experience people generally do not tell)?

Do you regret going out with the last person you did? >> Eh. Not really. Like, it sucks and I hate that the trauma from those interactions is still haunting me and affecting my current relationships, but it is what it is. 

Do you realize it when you curse? >> I mean, more or less.

When was the last time you showered? >> This morning.

Who did you last talk to in person? >> Sparrow.

Do you ever have days where you just don't do anything? >> No. Even when I’m deeply depressed I will move my hands to put on Netflix (and then click “yes” when it periodically asks if I’m still watching), lol. That’s something.

Have you ever been extremely tired but refused to go to sleep? >> Yeah.

What is your favorite episode of True Life, if you have one at all? >> ---

Have you ever experienced something paranormal? >> Maybe.

What's the longest amount of time you've been stuck in traffic? >> ---

Best field trip experience? >> ---

Have you ever been to New York City? >> I used to live there.

If so, is it all its cracked up to be? >> What’s it cracked up to be, exactly? People say a lot of things about NYC, not all of it positive. It also depends on, you know... your socioeconomic standing. Wealthy folks’ NYC is a completely different place from poor folks’ or homeless folks’ NYC, despite being on the same patch of land...

What is the most amount of money you've spent on a meal before? >> I have no idea.

What museums have you visited, if any? >> In NYC: MOMA, Museum of Natural History; in Philadelphia: Franklin Institute; in Chicago: Museum of Science & Industry, Adler Planetarium (it’s also an astronomy museum); in Michigan: Grand Rapids Art Museum, Grand Rapids Public Museum. Those are just the ones I remember, mind you. Might have been to a couple of others and just forgotten about them.

Have you ever had a group project and one of your partners bailed on you? >> Maybe when I was in school, idk.

What's your worst traveling experience? >> Probably every time I had to take a Greyhound from Colorado to NYC (or vice versa).

Sims 1, 2, or 3? Why? >> I’ve never played the first one. I like the vast amount of custom content resources for 2, the innovation of 3, and the continued innovation of 4. Otherwise, they’re mostly the same to me except the graphics just get smoother over the years.

Have you ever dealt with noisy neighbors or roommates? How did that go? >> Yes. Poorly, obviously, for me anyway.

Who was (or is) the teacher that gave you the hardest time in school? >> ---

Best muffin you've ever had? >> I don’t like muffins.

Have you ever taken a woodshop class? >> Once.

If so, was it required? >> No, it was an elective.

How much time do you spend on Facebook, if you have one? >> Hardly any. I just check it every few days or whatever, for messages mostly.

What area of math are you best at? Worst? >> I don’t know.

How do you feel when you meet someone with the same music taste as you? >> I don’t care if people like the same music as I do, as long as they’re not rude about genres they don’t care for. I like talking about music with people, but it always ends up being this “this genre is better than that genre” or “this era is better than that era” circle jerk and that’s so fucking boring.

What is the strangest thing you've ever seen outside of your house? >> *shrug*

Do you believe in luck? Why or why not? >> It can be a useful concept.

How often do you "half-ass" things (put little effort in)? >> Whenever I don’t have the energy to whole-ass something, but I don’t want to just not do anything at all.

Do you ever feel self-conscious when you eat around other people? >> No. I feel annoyed when I have to eat around other people, because then I have to hear other people eating.

Has a teacher ever made you hate yourself/your work? >> Probably.

How reliable is your internet connection? >> It’s quite reliable.

Have you ever missed a meeting/event that was required/necessary? >> Yeah.

What's something that makes you incredibly nervous? >> I can’t think of anything off the top of my head.

What's the latest you've ever stayed up to finish homework/a project? >> ---

If you don't have glasses, how would you feel if you had to get them? >> It wouldn’t bother me too much. Unless my vision started failing really badly, because, you know... I like seeing.

If you do have glasses, how would you feel if you didn't need them anymore? >> ---

How many vegetarians do you know? >> I’m not sure.

Have you ever considered going to art school? >> No.

Is there anyone in your life who consistently angers you? >> No.

How quickly can you write an essay? >> I don’t know.

Have you ever had problems falling asleep in class? >> In high school, i was put on multiple psychotropic/anti-depressant drugs, none of which I actually needed, so they all had pretty adverse effects on me. Including making me fall asleep in class almost constantly.

Have you ever been on the barrier or front row at a concert? >> I usually was.

If you have a job, who is your least favorite coworker/manager? >> ---

Favorite episode of Spongebob? >> I don’t like that show.

Do you have any silly/odd emotional connections to anything/anyone? >> I don’t want to call any of my emotional connections silly or odd. Especially since I have a hard enough time making them in the first place -- I want to encourage and support those connections, not disparage them. :/

Are your parents supportive of you? >> I took this survey almost a decade ago, and my answer then was that he was supportive even if he didn’t always approve. I was really on some bullshit then, I guess... because that’s just not true. He only supported what he thought was appropriate for me to be involved in, and when I invariably wanted to do or be other things, he was dismissive and almost derisive. Being supported in my being and endeavours is not a common theme in my life and it starts with that motherfucker.

How often do you take the train to go places? >> I don’t take it much anymore; the last time I took it was to go to Chicago and back, as an experiment (Sparrow wanted to see if it was truly better than driving there and back). When I lived in the City, of course, I took a subway all the time. Really miss that.

Do you play with your phone in awkward situations? >> I guess I would, if I found myself in a situation I thought was awkward. I usually don’t.

[musesonawhim]

about Britta Perry

characters I’d like for her to interact with: mostly just the study group? at least for now, and especially after the show ends.  

icons: only from Ibiza for now, not made by me

about community and this muse: she’s a test muse, I can't promise to pick the perfect phrasing she'd use. I didn’t memorize Community episodes but I did watch it several times and can google if needed. 

page in construction and important to read due to trigger-y themes and my own take on her. Keep in mind that Britta's actions aren't always right and I do NOT consider them okay. The most important things are bolded, it’s up to you whether to read the rest or not. 

She will definitely do 'woke' things just for brownie points or mean well but not research enough to discuss a topic, sometimes actually defending the wrong side because she listened to a loud vocal minority.

I consider her straight because I believe that if Britta had felt even the slightest attraction to women she’d have used it to win arguments in every way possible, being the person she is, and made it a constant topic of conversation. That and she said so (and denied Annie a kiss)

Very important: Britta has been molested as a child by a man in a dinosaur costume, specifically at her 11th birthday party, and told her father, who didn't believe her and took his side after she told the restaurant owner. This was both mentioned in the show, albeit subtly, and confirmed in the official website and confirmed by Dan Harmon. That is an important part of Britta to me, and explains some of her issues. There will be references to it in threads with tags such as "rape tw" and "abuse tw" since we don't know how far it went and it tends to be the most common blocked tag for people who can be triggered by it, and if requested 'pedophilia tw', just in case. Please do tell me if you’d rather avoid this topic completely, I can’t always ask everyone beforehand and I promise you I will not as questions about it nor be upset. Your comfort comes before my roleplaying. I would love if she got to share this and vent to a few important friends while she works on it through therapy, which I headcanon was an on and off secret thing during the serie, especially after she decided to study psychology, and became permanent at the end of the season while she worked as bartender.

This also means that what her parents did to her, not believing her, drug testing her as a child because she laughed too much and so on, will be portrayed as the abuse it was, not a laughing matter, and I'm in favor of Britta never rekindling their relationship and being angrier for a longer time with her friends for talking to them behind her back, even if she never told them just how bad they were with examples, but eventually lets it go because of that very reason. We can write canon divergent threads where she’s more forceful about not wanting their friends to interact with them in a more serious way, or even tell them what they did, but otherwise canon isn’t that different if we have just Britta cut them off her life. 

CANON “DIVERGENCES”

This may be an odd choice but I can't write Britta in a cartoonish way*, so in the present, as in after the show, I'd like to write her a bit more like she was in s1, capable of having an adult conversation (it’s a process but she’s getting back to that), the Britta who had the ability to be 'more' reasonable than in later reasons, and to have her behave more realistically even if still messing up a lot and with her ridiculous moments. She's still overdoing it with activism and going about it in often inappropriate/incorrect ways in her desperate attempt to be a woke and good person. She still says things she shouldn't say and gets needlessly defiant too. What happened in canon happened here too, except her forgiving her parents or talking to them again like I wrote above, or joking about them paying for her. She works hard to return all the borrowed money, especially after the show is over and she moves to a new and extra cheap place.

To keep the show canon the way it was, since her decay works in a tvshow but it’s not doable for me as ‘Britta simply opened up and was always that way’, I headcanon many of her behaviors around the middle of the serie -between s2-s3 until more or less the last season- as both a bit of a breakdown (when excessive; after all saying that she was always drunk/high doesn’t sounds as her being okay) and as her being a lost woman trying to find herself, and even playing up some of the 'dumbness' to fit in with her new persona and to shield herself from pain, because she would hide her real self to keep it from getting hurt. She becomes a bit more well-adjusted after the end of the serie, also because she puts an effort into not being high or drunk, and the therapy is starting to work, while still trying to heal from her past and still having trouble being a fully responsible adult - still the woman who postpones laundry and has weird cats. She joins her canonically unnamed brother (that I’ll name Walter) who works with disabled children after she gets her psychology degree - not actually as therapist, she becomes more of a helper who can give them advice while still working at the bar too.

*She went from being able to read Pierce's actions in the second episode correctly and say "He offered me a 100 dollars to switch cards with him just so he could be partners with Jeff. I think he thought getting closer to Jeff would bring him respect in the group. I think he spent his whole life looking out for himself, and he would trade it all for a shot at some kind of family" and invoke the freedom of information act to request copies of Annie’s notes 

to being so dumb she didn't know it was weird to say to Jeff and his own father that "I just want to acknowledge there are a lot of emotions flowing right now. You two are probably feeling a strong impulse to sleep with each other, and hey, that's normal." when applying psychology notions, talk about 'edible complex' or "what, I have 3d vision now?" and I just can’t see that happening, the person she ‘really’ was in later seasons couldn’t have pretended to be actually smart for a year and a half. Nor forget how people speak or even move normally, there is a difference between opening up and showing your dumb side and that.

RELATIONSHIPS - not necessary to read, just my take on them

To be clear, when it comes to the study group, I’d die to actually have Britta bond more, in a more genuine way, with everyone and straighten things up when they don’t work, and just really feel close to them all, more than canon showed, so what I’m writing here is just the way I see things right after the end of the show and they can be made better later.  Jeff is the closest person to her in terms of being a peer that she understands and that seems to understand her, whether it's written in a romantic or completely platonic way (I’m okay with both, but Britta may slightly resent Annie if in threads she’s portrayed as back together with Jeff, since she never seemed completely okay with that to me). She does care about his opinion in particular, while she is a little more able to shrug off the mocking from the rest of the group (see the concert she tried to pull off so he wouldn't win). Abed is also particularly special to her, since she considers him one of her first real friends ever and there was never a romantic or sexual interaction to mess that up. I don't ship her with Troy but I recognize her past feelings for him, even if ultimately they didn't fit. Her relationship with Annie may bring up some defensiveness, I’d love for them to be friends but during the show there was more constant disagreement than bonding (though living together helped), so I’d like for them to become friends instead of assuming they support each other. Shirley was possibly the closest female friend to her, who taught her more about how to be ‘socially girly’, with things such as bathroom breaks together and comforting Annie. Even there were plenty problems with the two disrespecting each other’s beliefs so often. Pierce was, well, Pierce, and she tried to be nice to him mostly out of ‘duty’ because that’s how people should behave. She’s less close to Frankie and Elroy because most of that school year she was drunk or high or in her own world but I like to think things got better after the show, especially with Frankie who gives her such a good vibe.. 

[brownskinsugarplum76]

One Shot: One-Night Boyfriend

I'm finally done with the Robeardo story. It's on the long side... Shout out to @firethatgrewsolow for reading after my sense of perspective was long gone. Standard NSFW rating applies. Enjoy! ❤️❤️❤️

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Robert's lips were soft on Brandy’s. His tongue was like candy melting in her mouth. His large hands were soothing as they gently cradled her face, but his beard and moustache were a little scratchy. She relished the contrast of the sensations.

She also loved that it was nothing like a kiss with Will, her now ex-boyfriend, who was as clean-shaven and meticulously barbered as they come, and also more of a fan of closed-mouth kissing.

She and Will had broken up because, as he said after the graduation party, “Long-distance college relationships never work, you know? This is for the best.” She was heartbroken and the words echoed in her head for weeks.

But this moment with Robert, which had her kissing the burgeoning member of rock royalty on his hotel bed, was the most exciting thing that had happened to her in a long time. It was the serendipitous high point of a summer road trip adventure with her best friend. Yet, she realized, she was not as excited as she'd hoped. She tensed as she thought of what might be wrong.

“What's on your mind, love?” Robert asked. He paused on the kissing, but his hands remained in place, now offering a protective caress of her face rather than a passionate one as he looked in her eyes with concern.

And with the delightful sensation of Robert's simple, tender gesture, she knew.

“My boyfriend… My… my ex-boyfriend, I mean… He… I…” was all she could stammer out before her train of thought devolved into an exasperated sigh.

“First time, love? It's OK. We can go slowly if you want.” Robert leaned in to kiss her again as his countenance shifted back to his easygoing flirtatious gaze.

“No, it's not that, it's… Well…” She looked downward, avoiding his gaze. “I just never really enjoyed it with him. He always had a better time than I did. I'm afraid it'll always be like that. Even with someone like you. What if it's me? What if something's wrong with me?” she asked, still avoiding Robert's eyes.

“There's absolutely nothing wrong with you, darlin’,” he said.

She lifted her gaze to his, bolstered by the adamant tone of his voice.

“I saw how worked up you were at the concert. I couldn't take my eyes off of you all night. I had to meet you, and I hoped you'd want to be here tonight. You do know how to lose yourself in the moment and have a good time. I can tell. You just need,” he said, lowering his voice to a murmur, “the right person to set you free… I'd love to be that person for you. Let me be your boyfriend tonight,” he said as he closed his eyes and brushed his lips gently against hers.

Brandy relaxed as Robert's soothing message sunk in, and she eased back into savoring his kiss and embrace. She felt calm and safe in his arms, but she also began to feel alive with arousal, craving him with every inch of her body.

“You're so beautiful,” he said, stroking her hair, which was in a shoulder-length press n’ curl style and smelled of bergamot pomade. He traced a finger over her full lips before trailing his fingers down her neck and then softly kissing her there, causing her to quiver.

He paused and removed his shirt, a black rayon women's number--a favorite of his, it seemed, by its washed-out look--that was dotted throughout with flowers. Then he emerged, somehow effortlessly, from his second-skin jeans.

Brandy inhaled sharply as he sat back down. Her heart skipped a beat. She discovered that his ethereal hippie prince look was grounded with a tautly muscled body built for the best carnal adventures imaginable. His chest was large and just starting to sprout a dusting of fuzz, and she thought that the sharp curves of his biceps couldn't have developed by hoisting his microphone alone. His skin's golden cast shone everywhere. His flat stomach was a smooth highway to the terrain of his monumental endowment, and his long legs were clearly built strong by many enthusiastic hours on the soccer pitch.

She was overwhelmed by the beauty of his body and the grace of his gentle seduction, as he resumed kissing her while helping her out of every stitch of her clothing. She sighed contentedly and knew that she was in for a very special night.

He wrapped her up in an intoxicating embrace and ended with a caress of her shoulders. “Lovely girl,” he said with a soft smile before kissing his way down to her breasts.

The feel of his warm tongue on one of her nipples was a welcome sensation as she acclimated to her mahogany skin being exposed to the cool room air. He ended his tease of her breast with a light bite of her hardened nipple, which elicited a tentative moan from her lips.

“No need to be shy, love, we're sweethearts, yeah?” he said, shifting his gaze upward to her eyes.

She found genuine admiration of her in their stormy blue depths, but there was something else that couldn't be denied, a hunger that foretold future moments of uninhibited heat between them. It rattled her and excited her at the same time. “Yes,” she said with a slight smile, but barely above a whisper.

He kissed her softly again, while his hands lovingly glossed over the full expanse of her body. Then he trailed a hand down her stomach and continued to her center, where he brushed a finger over her opening and bewitched her with rapidly growing feelings of desire.

“Did your ex ever get you ready like this, Brandy?” he said, kneeling on the floor and resting his hands on her thighs after nudging them apart a bit.

“He did it once, but not for long.”

“Hmmm, that won't do… I'll be right back.”

Brandy didn't have long to contemplate what Robert was up to, as he came back quickly from the bathroom with a towel. He asked Brandy to stand up while he placed it on the bed. Then he took his place on the floor again.

“Come to the edge of the bed, toward me?” he asked.

She complied, scooting toward Robert as close as possible.

“Good girl. Now, lie down and put your legs on my shoulders.”

She did this as well.

“I think this is going to get you off to a much better start,” he said with a wink.

Robert took a slow plunge into Brandy's moist center, doling out the slowest, lightest licks that were humanly possible.

“How does that feel, love?”

“Mmmmm…” was the best that Brandy could muster. The telltale writhing of her body spoke more clearly.

“You're so wet already, and you smell heavenly. I could stay here for a while, I think. Would you like that?”

She nodded as a smile slowly spread across her face.

“Very well.” Robert turned his attention back to her sex. He lapped and sucked on her clit slowly.

The feel of his tongue was velvety, while the sensation of his beard was rough but exquisitely teasing. She moaned loudly, shamelessly, this time. It was yet another area in which Will just wasn't holding up as a good lover. In just a few, short moments, Robert had proven that Brandy would be just fine in the arms of the right partner. Her body quivered with thoughts of how the rest of her night with Robert might go.

He slowly introduced a finger into her sex, rhythmically advancing and retreating it in time with the movement of his tongue. As he carried on, the sensations started to become unbearable, but Brandy realized that she didn't want them to end anytime soon. She reached down and rested a hand on top of Robert's cascade of sandy, reddish curls.

Robert stopped and looked mischievously at her. “You can hold me tighter, if you want, dear Brandy. I won't break… Perhaps you need more motivation?” He winked at her before he resumed his exploration. This time, however, he intensified his efforts, moving the tiniest bit faster and more forcefully.

Brandy cried out, gripped the back of his head with both of her hands, and started to grind her hips. She couldn't help herself. And she didn't care.

Robert purred and added a second of his large, tapered fingers to her sex as he continued with his mouth. Brandy was enraptured by how good it all felt. She couldn't get enough and wailed for more.

The sensations got more intense. Her stomach tightened, and something felt different. Robert's actions were still fantastically satisfying, but an unexpected sensation was developing.

She tensed and started to shift her legs on Robert's shoulders, ready to break away and get up. “I… I feel like I'm going to… I need to go to the…”

Robert caressed her thighs and placed a calming hand on her tummy. “It's not what you think, love. And there's nothing to be ashamed of,” He said softly. “You're so close, very close, that's all. Do you trust me, darlin’?”

She nodded and smiled.

He smiled back and resumed his ministrations.

Pleasurable sparks ricocheted through Brandy's body like a rousing fireworks show, and her head throbbed with anticipation. The feelings grew stronger by the second, until her release descended, with gushing, trembling fanfare.

Brandy's eyes widened, and her breathing continued to race. “I… That… Wow…” She smiled a wan smile at Robert as she slid her legs off of him and crawled under the covers.

“The lady doth not protest at all...” Robert's countenance radiated with a full grin as he wiped his face on the towel and joined Brandy and hugged her tightly. “It was beautiful to see you enjoy yourself like that, love. I think you were just waiting for a worthwhile chance to play.”

Her lustful essence was being awakened and aching to combine with his. She smiled wider.

“Are you ready for the main course?” he asked, straddling her and covering her body with his.

“Yes.”

“I'll be gentle for this part, love. I promise.”

Brandy was thankful for that. She wasn't able to ignore the sight of Robert's substantial manhood since he had disrobed. Robert was much bigger than Will; he was exactly how she imagined the titillating descriptions in the dime store romance novels that she had pilfered from her older sister. Her thoughts of how he would feel made her uneasy, but the prospect was enticing at the same time, too enticing to pass up.

She ultimately shook off her nervous feelings, because she was confident that Robert's romantic expertise would not falter in this most important of aspects. And, she had to admit, she was turned on by the very likely prospect of being filled completely by him.

He repeated his scenic tour of her body with long, delicate strokes of his hands, and he kept her mouth ablaze with wet, intimate kisses.

He sighed as he started to undulate against her. Her body responded in kind.

While Brandy was incapacitated by a heady combination of pleasure and need, Robert rose above her and teased her entrance with his sex before entering her.

“How does that feel?” he said softly. His movements were slow and shallow.

“So good, Robert… Mmmmm…”

He kept at this pace for a few more minutes before immersing himself, bit by bit, completely inside of her.

She gasped softly. It was intense, but it was the most gratifying experience she had yet to have with a man--Will included.

Robert held her face with one hand and smiled as he wound his hips. “How does it feel now, Br--”

Brandy's resounding moan and her embrace of Robert was her answer.

“Mmm, I'm so glad you feel that way, baby,” Robert responded in a hushed tone.

Her shallow breathing escaped her lips in ragged bursts. But as much as her breath was out of control, she was completely synchronized with Robert's thrusts, which were picking up in tempo gradually.

After a few blissful minutes, Brandy wrapped her arms tighter around Robert and kissed him feverishly, gliding her hands up his warm, broad back to clutch his glossy nest of curls, and winding her hips a little faster.

“Mmm, if you feel that strongly, maybe you should be in charge, darlin’.” He searched her eyes and winked before he rolled off of her and onto his back.

She turned to look at Robert, who was smiling mischievously. “New experience, too?” he asked while teasing one of her nipples with his fingers.

“Yes,” she responded, matching his smile.

“But you're up to the challenge?”

“Yes.” Brandy climbed on top of Robert, cupped the bearded portion of his face, and kissed him greedily.

“Promise to take good care of me?” Robert asked, his wolfish intentions not really masked by his voice and gaze.

“I promise,” Brandy mumbled, her resolve faltering a bit. The prospect of satisfying Robert weighed on her.

“Never fear, love,” Robert said, sensing her apprehension. He guided himself inside of her. “Just repeat after me, yeah?” His face softened from the predatory look moments before and he rolled his hips strongly.

Brandy was tall on her knees and approximated Robert's motions while clasping his hands. Soon after, she moved her hands to his shoulders and lowered herself closer to him. This vantage point introduced her to a profoundly satisfying angle of sensation, and she worked faster to chase the feeling.

“That's it, love!” Robert exclaimed. “Oh, Brandy, you're a quick-learning temptress... Mmmmm…” He lightly grasped her back, and his relaxed expression began to contort to one of craving release.

“I won't break, you know?” she teased. “It's OK.”

“Somebody's getting bold, and I like it! Shall we take off your training wheels, then?” He grasped her ass and, gluing himself to her pelvis more tightly, he eagerly ground into her while nipping at her neck.

Robert's escalation was punctuated with a growl of pleasure that escaped from his throat. Emboldened by the thrilling sensations and his obvious delight, Brandy arched her back and rocked her hips faster against his. “Shit!” she exclaimed, before her eyes grew large and she giggled apologetically.

Robert pulled her down to him with unrestrained lust. “No need to be polite, dear girl. The only rule is to enjoy yourself.” He grasped the back of her head and kissed her savagely. She rested her cheek against his fuzzy one and did her best to ride the waves of pleasure.

Robert moaned in a feral manner that was not unlike what Brandy had heard on the band's albums. It was a primal noise, a rugged clarion call to instinctual action from both of them.

The room filled with the sounds of their greedy breathing and cries of passion. Her coupling with Robert, Brandy realized, approximated what she had always fantasized lovemaking to be like: a sensual, loving romp of a partnership. By his moments of care and gradual stoking of her fiery spirit, she knew he was taking his short-term boyfriend role seriously.

An inexhaustible smile blossomed on her face as she reveled in their communion. She burned to make him as satisfied as he was making her feel. She rose again, planted her hands on Robert's chest, and redoubled her efforts.

“Fuck, girl… You're a good rider… Bloody hell, you've got me quoting my songs!” Robert chuckled, then closed his eyes, savoring the feeling.

Brandy moaned as Robert fondled her breasts roughly.

“That's also music to my ears, babe,” he hissed in response, before deftly rolling Brandy onto her back and mounting her.

She arched into his thrusts, raised her arms over her head, and surrendered to his passionate lead. He grasped her wrists and groaned as his thrusts started to become erratic.

Their kissing muted their cries but did not assuage their reckless desire. Soon they were both lost in a spiral of overpowering pleasure that rendered them breathless and elated at its apex.

“Someone coached you well, love… Or, maybe it's a case of natural talent?” Robert mused with a contented sigh as he rolled onto his back and motioned for Brandy to snuggle against his chest.

“Maybe a bit of both?” she countered while inside his arms, lifting her head to kiss him. “Thank you.”

“It was completely my pleasure. And I'm glad you've finally had your fair share, too. ” Robert kissed the top of Brandy's head. “Does this mark the end of my boyfriend obligations, or…?”

“I think more quality time is in order,” Brandy said with a grin.

“As you wish,” he smiled mischievously. “A dutiful, doting boyfriend until the morning, then,” he said, lifting her chin for another kiss.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The rest of my stories are here, or search for the hashtag #brownskinsugarplumlibrary.