#me and my doctor we are doing better
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#zeno remake#aki maeno#haru tsugino#i finished it!!!!#me and my doctor we are doing better#wrong one this is uhh jack stauber doctor#kuroaka#my art#animation
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Ten and Missy! Our Halloween costumes 🥰
#doctor who#missy#tenth doctor#cosplay#thoschei#it's hairy Ten and green eyed Missy but close enough!!#let it be known that I did buy blue contact lenses for this but for some reason they wouldn't stick to my eyeballs!!#I still owe you all a Clara and I'm working on it 😌#We've been really busy so I'm proud and glad we managed to pull these off on time mid move 🥰 we had so much fun#I want to give Missy another go at some point with the lenses and better hair and her hat and umbrella and more accurate make up tho#the suit is also really big on me so I had to pin it everywhere and pose strategically and edit some pins out lmao#I didn't have time to fix it!! but it worked out well enough I think#wait also do you see my single silver hair in the front?? I've been protecting it with my life I love it#personal#nips photos#nips blogs
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got silly with this one ◡̈
#torchwood#torchwood fanart#captain jack harkness#ianto jones#gwen cooper#toshiko sato#owen harper#andy davidson#captain john hart#janto#towen#pls click and zoom in for better quality !#HELLO!! everyone who’s been leaving lovely things in the notes of my torchwood drawings I want u to know I love all of u sm!!!#really makes me smile to see people enjoying my silly drawings !!! shoutout to the person who said the way I draw Ianto is like shortbread#fellow torchwood mystery gang truthers this one’s for you#ALSO HELLO !! WELSH PEOPLE !!! ARE YOU YHERE !!! !!!! THIS ONES FOR YOU !!!#has anyone else had the specific childhood trauma of being forced into itchy ass welsh traditional dress pls say my target audience is here#this was actually a way of resolving those memories of having to wear that hat ! the boys just got to wear rugby shirts :(#DO WE THINK IANTO OR GWEN HAD TO DO URDD EISTEDDFOD !! I do !! this is my personal hc just for me bc I think it’s funny#bonus doctor who s1 for u all :D#can u guys tell I’ve just spent the past 2 months job hunting post uni from the gwen drawing :| wish I could get a job for being nosey&gay#myfawny’s tie says ‘l <3 BBQ’ btw if you couldn’t make it out >:)#pls enjoy mewing John hart 👍
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everytime i watch anything that has paul mcgann in it i always sit there afterwards thinking what a fucking tragedy it was that he never got seasons as the doctor.
#MY romantic poet tragic doctor#THE HAIR THE STOLEN CLOTHES THE VOICE eight is just a work of art#eighth doctor#the man must be nearing his 70s and i would still watch him play the doctor for a season#i know i know he did some big finish but ahh he should have had more than that film#he had night of the doctor and power of the doctor too BUT IT WAS STILL NOT ENOUGH#he put his whole docussy into that film#he also had my favourite version of the tardis#i do not care what people say about the plot that film was fun & better than some acclaimed episodes of new who imo#grace and lee deserve content too i hate the rights mess with them 😭#i want to hunt the people that gave up on doctor who after his film for sport#we know i want to hunt the old bbc for sport i mean my favourite classic doctor is sylvester the fact they cancelled it with him makes me 🤬#the rage THE RAGE i feel when i think about classic who ending with my favourite classic doctor#classic who#paul mcgann#doctor who#whoniverse
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Yk, I hate that adaptations keep making Peter a high schooler, and not just because it means he never evolves, but because the adaptations now also include wider Marvel, whitch usually (thanks to the MCU) is at the modern day stage with legacy characters and new age teen heroes, meaning that Peter is taking up Miles' spot and you can really tell when they put him next to someone like Kamala Khan or Sam Alexander who are Miles' pals. Tho Peter taking Miles' stuff is just a modern issue overall, just look at MCU whitch just stole and re-skinned Miles' personality, characters, story-beats, even the costume to an extent and then made it worse.
agree 👏
#sci speaks#sci. release the script doctor you did where it actually was miles in the mcu and peter parker is a grown ass man.#it was funny. peter was a really bad intern at stark industries#who stole stark tech on the sly.#and of course. tony catches wind of this because he has cameras everywhere and. those cameras happened to also catch.#him sneaking out of work as spider-man.#and tony ropes him into civil war or whatever because otherwise he could Literally press charges.#and peter's :((((((((#begrudgingly joins tony's side.#in the post credit we see that he's been gathering stark tech to build miles morales some very neato webshooters.#and voil.a. miles is the star of homecoming and. peter is the mentor figure that encourages miles to start small.#miles: but YOU teamed up with the avengers a#peter: do as i SAY not as i DO.#sighs. so little would have to change.#but no more child soldiers and no more over exposure of tony stark. fantastic. superb.#also showing a slightly sneakier peter parker who isn't exactly entirely morally upstanding.#steals from billionares while they're not looking to serve the people who need it.#robin hood figure !! sexy. would falll to my knees for a peter parker like that. would be my favourite on screen peter ever.#and it puts him more in an interesting spot with the villains in the movies too.#if we still go with the route of all the villains being affiliated with stark tech and stealing / using stark tech#then peter is like. in a more complex role in the story. he stole stark tech too. is he better than the criminals?#he uses it for good. he thinks. but that's his judgement.#just i think it would be neat. all the “you're just like me” rhetoric falls so flat in those movies.#but what if it hit different.#but that would be if marvel had the courage to make a complex spider-man movie#where peter parker is allowed to make morally complex decisions asides for “uhh. stupid kid makes stupid mistakes”#sci talks movies
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me stoically navigating my way through drama bc bigger things are ahead and it’s not my fault people are dumb
#kissed a guy at a kickback and thought we caught a vibe only to find out he just wants to fuck me. next#friend’s bf of 7 years drunkenly hit on me at the same kickback (I was not ok w this). they ended up beefing over me. he denied everything.#do I want to be involved in this? no. and so I simply ignore it and keep it pushing#and the guy I kissed is cancelled. like he is dead to me. so that’s also taken care of#it’s back to studying full-time for the mcat#going to the gym/taking walks daily#volunteering at the refugee center + clinic#getting published in orgo research papers#and trying to snag the opportunity to shadow doctors at a massive cancer research center. like I’d kill for it#december was such a mess but I’ve finally made peace w the fact that most of the stuff that happened I couldn’t prevent#but I’ve mourned it enough !! whatever drama comes out of it I’ll handle just fine#i literally want to be a multitasking academic weapon everyone is intimidated of this year#i am not letting something as puny as a dumb man (both of them btw) stop me. goodbye#also everyone involved is older than me (they’re both 23) but it all just feels like such high school behavior#this is not a euphoria episode like I’m literally just not entertaining any of this#had to get this off my chest. i feel better#p
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I AM EMOTIONAL AGAIN
#i am so attached to dabbid in this book!#who the fuck reads 70 chapters in 3 days like she has nothing better to do???#me!!!!#because I haven’t been to work in 3 days!#doctor’s orders#Might finish reading rhythm of war before weekend comes and what am I supposed to do then?#wait for december 6?#noooooooooo#rhythm of war#the stormlight archive#dabbid pls don’t die!#the sibling is such a bitch to navani like what’s up with herrrr#we all know they’re gonna bond#raboniel seems hot#i am on my 3rd cup of coffee because the doctor told me to hydrate#brandon sanderson
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so with echoes of wisdom .. i havent watched any of the trailers beyond the very first one and the thumbnails/screenshots and what others have said about it-
but with the world inside the rift being called "Welt des Nichts" aka "world of nothing/void" in german ('still' in english, for some reason) and demises title in french being "avatar of nothing" ... yeah my anxiety is shooting through the roof again
(hopefully you can be a little more forgiving for me being anxious/weird about it bc demise is my blorbo)
i had similar worries with totk, that werent proven true thankfully, but the darn book is making it all worse again with all those weird lore things the game doesnt even so much as hint at AND potential retcons- im in for a really rough time huh, not just stress in real life (more in tags.. its alot) but now about my specific hyperfixation from two things even (AND artblock still..)
weird as it may sound, i dont want demise to get more lore, partly bc i dont believe theyd do anything with him that i would like (given their track record) but much more importantly- the fact that he has this little lore about him is precisely one of the reasons why i fell in love with him, i tend to like characters that are neglected by the narrative, and his story being both so flat and already done meant i can be very creative with what i come up with for him without necessarily contradicting anything in canon (which is ... or was a big point of how i wrote destiny's story and lore, working with canon in a way that reframes it all without straight up ignoring it ... but i suppose i urgently need to let go of that and accept i spend alot of time working things that will go to waste :( ) AND not having to worry that there will be more stuff with him that would massively change not only what im writing but also potentially how i feel about him since the game he was briefly in was the oldest chronologically and ended with his death- i didnt expect them to mess with anything that far back and thought theyd just go forward and leave the timeline behind and wouldnt mess with it again, given how botw seemed to be a sort of 'fresh start' that seemingly regarded the past as the past that needs to rest and that the timeline was finally no longer a discussion if everythings unified through botw and one thing going forward
but i suppose i was very wrong with that .__.
right now the only thing that motivates me still is the left over determination and spite to work on my zelda comic, since i have never gotten this far and really want to get something done for once, but i cant lie that im feeling like i should pause all work on it too to wait and see waht the book and the new game will do .. either to determine if i still have the will to keep working on it after those things are out (my love for tloz has been taking alot of hits lately ..) or if i have to change stuff (mostly bc of my lore problem trying to not ignore it ..)
#ganondoodles talks#zelda#ganondoodles rants#sorta#suicide attempt mention in the IRL stuff im talking about in the following tags btw#theres some construction stuff on our house going on#and my father is extremely stressed about it#he used to be very explosive- being silent and then exploding out of nowhere .. probably left me with lasting damage yippie-#but now he much more lets it eat at himself bc hes old and feels bad for the past stuff so now it makes him irritated and depressed#my older brother is the most normal cis straight guy you can imagine and incredibly impatient and bossy (you CANNOT talk with him)#(brother doesnt live in our house)#and while hes helping out hes doing it exactly how my father doesnt like and since you cant talk to the guy (explosive +200) it stresses hi#to the point of my father yesterday saying that “it would have been better if i had just died back in the day”#likely referring to the time when he was drafted for the military against his will and tried to kill himself#which i learned only like .. a year ago- theres so little my parents tell me ....#its like my mother telling me- while my father was in hospital for heart surgery- that she not only almost died back when i was a young tee#and only survived bc of some incredibly unebelievable lucky coincidences (medics on a travel being there that knew what she had-#-while our local doctors said welp- nothing we can do lady AND them beign there with a helicopter and emergency transferring her#to antoher bigger hospital while giving her immediate treatment our local one didnt do- AND at the big one just so happened to have-#-an expert on that illness in the facility when she arrived who was able to narrrowly save her life#BUT ALSO while she was recovering and weak and frail as a dust bunny witnessing someone stealing hospital surplies-#not noticing she was in the room at first (which .. the nurses left her in the nurse room while going on break ... which uhm .. yeah cool)#and if my mother hadnt acted in time like she was fully asleep and the lady stealing stuff beign in hurry- she might have killed her#without my mother being able to fight back bc she could barely even talk (the nurses didnt want to believe her when they got back either)#ANYWAY that comment from my father brough me to tears#and my mom is trying out more ... other medication shes not prescribed in hopes of it helping agaisnt her many pains#but i worry it will interact with the other stuff shes on ...#and i worry so much about both of their mental and physical well being#always trying to be the one to calm them down or help with communication bc that is a big problem in this houesehold#but i myself am also a very much not normal and not medicated shut in who has trouble dealing even with my own feelings
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i may be stupid
#(but im not sure)#a doodley#i am not going to lie to you guys i am insanely scared of anti depressants. and adjacent medication.#first of all like ive said i dont think i need them#im doing way better than last yr(s) despite being in the same circumstances. i did in fact will my brain to get it together.#i told my doctor i think my issues are a result of my environment and that is what i think it is.#i dont think meds cld help change my innate personality flaws#second of all sorry but my ****** is all i have i cant risk losing it to the side effects#idk! like. idk. you guys really dont get it it really is just laziness for me#since i was a kid i just didnt have Goals and its continued to my detriment#i was also raised to doubt all my decisions so here we are#im sure my friends think im lazy bc what ive described to them IS laziness#im like the only person i know without hashtag goals and life motivation...and all my friends have mental health stuff too#so its not that...! its personality. its laziness#its literally like the ''my son is 35 and refuses to get a job and does nothing all day'' reddit posts#with ''he's not depressed he's lazy you should just kick him out and refuse to keep providing for him'' comments and all
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feeling like tumblr is a job BUT IN A GOOD WAY like i sign on after my actual job onto my work (tumblr haikyuu smau writer hobby) computer (my home computer on it's last dying breath) to answer emails (reblog all of my moot's wonderful works) and write up reports (my own chapters LMAO)
#(warning i went feral in these tags. open at ur own risk)#these parentheses are giving me a headache#having a dyslexic moment i do not know why#second matcha latte at 11 pm at night LET'S GOOOO#oh i forgot to take my meds#just realized that#that may also be it#me and the voices just went silent when we all collectively realized that LMAOOO#me wondering why i have problems and then remembering last night i didn't take my meds again and then decided better late than never#and took them at 4 am#(and couldn't remember today if i had taken them last night before i remembered doing that)#and my meds are on the other side of my room and i am very cozy rn so no way i'm getting up to take them rn#it's okay my matcha latte will keep me good until i get up again in like three hours#i don't think my meds are helping anyway but i refuse to go to the doctor until like whenever i scheduled my next appointment#um i think it's in three months that's actually kind of a while#idk we'll come back to that chat#can u tell i haven't taken my meds#om nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom#wyr if u see this thank u for reintroducing gnaw into my vocabulary#i love om nom nom#gnaw#someone sedate me#ness' brainvomit <3#tw meds
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rotating the pub scene from 73 yards in my mind i think there is so much being said there about wales and welsh/english tension that is so interesting and is going so under discussed
#blahs#dw#dw spoilers#the whole thing about castles in wales being english torture centres. much to unpack#i think it's easy for most viewers to watch it and see that the characters are taking the piss and write it off#but what's interesting about it is i think rtd is basing that on real exaggerations of oppression by welsh people#most castles in wales WERE built by the english and they WERE designed to oppress the welsh. except that was like 800 years ago#and some people use this as an example of welsh oppression /now/ when it's like. not relevant to modern wales really#and 'torture chambers' is a wild exaggeration that dangerously tries to compare wales to much more recent human rights violations#i think rtd is trying to caution against a romanticised or sensationalised narrative of old wales that certain welsh nationalists have#this is also what he's doing with roger ap gwilliam#i keep seeing people say his character is 'just nukes' and i'm not gonna pretend it's The most complex politics ever#but it's also not just nukes. it's about specific political tensions and attitudes in wales.#rtd's viewpoint reminds me a lot of my dad#my dad's a proud welshman he's a native speaker he grew up in a welsh speaking community#but he doesn't really care about old welsh history about llewelyn ap gruffydd or owain glyndwr or anything like that#he doesn't see it as relevant. to him what's important is modern wales and the tensions of the 20th century#i'd wager rtd probably feels the same#and what with doctor who being produced in wales being rtd's doing i think he's enthusiastic about collaborating with england#rather than being like. isolationist about it. (that's the wrong word but i can't think of a better one)#WHICH INCIDENTALLY ties the political strand of the episode with the personal strand about ruby#who is also dealing with a self-fulfilling sense of isolation#anyway i think this episode is about wales in a very significant way. we need more welsh people writing think pieces about it#honest to god i don't think any analysis of it that doesn't talk about its welshness is quite Getting It
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catch me laughing in the club awkwardly because this season has a 19 year old blonde female companion from London, a space travelling left of law brunette queer boy who flirts heavily with the doctor, absolutely zero writers of colour and no mention of sensitivity readers…….and next season the new companion is a woman of colour. uh oh!
#he’s not stupid enough to do Martha again but be REAL with me. do you think this man can handle writing for a brown woman and a black man#and make it in any way genuinely tasteful. the one race he’s punched down and the other he’s basically ignored during his tenure :/#rtd seems to think because he has the lived experience of the great struggles of being queer in the 80s and onwards#which was a serious struggle and came with its issues#that he understands being a person of colour? like he wrote an episode about racism and then laughed about not needing a sensitivity reader#before he handed it off to ncuti. but it needed one because it was a stupid episode because he’s white and moreover#seems to think he understands WITHOUT actually getting any of the nuance. which makes it worse.#im just concerned to put it lightly#like chibnall’s bad habit was ‘good episode followed by a bad episode so bad you forget the good episode even existed’#but at least he got writers of colour in to make some of those episodes! he actually cared! and also fumbled real bad (nazi uniform… ://)#still. he actually gave it a pretty good shot and opened some doors behind the scenes. like the writer’s room which is just as important#and also in the scenes tbf like yaz and ryan sharing scenes as poc companions during the same run was groundbreaking#and rtd just closed them again going actually no im doctor who’s most specialist boy and we should do my run all over again#stop this man. get someone new in. he is not much better than chibnall rn like he is not batting hits#stop letting the world’s most charismatic doctor (ncuti i will get rid of regeneration to keep you. i love you. wish you had better writing)#distract you from the fact RTD is doing a ‘biggest hits’ tour rn. stop him!!!!!!! please can we have a showrunner of colour! a woman! please#rtd critical#doctor who#dw
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was talking to a friend about the fact that AI outperforms doctors in making diagnoses and tbh completely unsurprising given the fact that doctors are increasingly expected to diagnose patients in twenty minute checkup windows. because i'm sure there are a lot of things a doctor could do better than AI in a world where hospital staff and patients were both being valued. a doctor fully integrated into the community they are treating who has time for hour long visits where they can more freely take time to diagnose and discuss a patient's lifestyle concerns, goals, and the logistics of meeting said goals can do a lot of things that AI cannot. but for a plethora of reasons doctors are increasingly not doing that - they're doing twenty minute checkups with the intention of diagnosis. and if that's the only value doctors intend to provide and the only value others in turn are demanding of doctors, of course AI can do it faster and more accurately than they can. of course it can.
and to bring this back to fandom things. of course it upsets me that people are feeding fics to AI and see what the program pops out. of course the idea of someone doing this with my fics makes me feel cheap and used and commodified and disposable. like the wrapper for a candy bar, instead of a human being who put in a lot of effort to collect their thoughts on the things they've studied and felt and experienced, and express it through an artistic medium they love and admire. but as much as it upsets me it doesn't *outrage* me, frankly, because that feeling is old news. kudos culture, personal entitlement, every time someone has gotten upset with me for writing a narrative with a conclusion that was not meant to - and never meant to - provide easily digestible escapist romantic wish fulfillment. and i am not discounting that i myself have probably contributed to making other artists in fandom feel this way too. but if all we are offering as artists, and all we are demanding from artists in turn, is inoffensive tropey emotional fulfillment of our two favourite blorbos kissing (or hugging, or kicking bad guy butt, or going to therapy and learning how to be a well-adjusted person without any of the actual upsetting work involved in that, or w/e). if exacting character analysis, the craft of creating an interrogating and thematically consistent narrative, or the bravery to create a headcanon that there is no basis for other your ability to write it convincingly - if none of that matters, then of course AI can write better and faster than I can. of course it can.
#sometimes i just want my doctor to shut up and give me the meds#and sometimes i just wanna read/watch something fun and simple and unchallenging#i cannot stress enough that i am not above this just like- rrrraaaagh#if all you want from a person is for them to behave like a computer of course a computer can do it better#when we are already failing to devote time and energy and money on valuing one another as people#it should come as no surprise when ai replaces us#status update
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the irritable stomach and nausea are surprisingly making it much harder to stay hydrated than fed
#don't people ordinarily tolerate liquids better? it's weird.#liquids are actively repulsive rn I drink something and it's like I feel it sitting there in my stomach and doesn't want to be there#I got like. dry crunchy cereal to eat. that feels most tolerable#but like I really do need to be consuming a lot of water it's just. bleh#m#whining#diagnosed as medication side effect apparently. at least tentatively#cocktail of make me miserable#what the fuck is IN these things how do they be fucking up everything#doctor was like he had to take them too at one point and they made him so depressed he couldn't finish the regimen#like christ#but just like 1.5 weeks more we can do this gang
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doctor confirmed that 👉 this guy 👈 got pcos and i just got an implant to at the very least get my whacky periods under control and hopefully get them to stop entirely
#i also have thought about how i was cared for today#i go to a free place that has rotating doctors so i didnt see the same one that told me to get a ultrasound of my ovaries + blood test#previous one was a cis woman and she insisted me having multiple cysts on my ovary (that was double in size to the other one) wasnt enough#(for a pcos diagnosis) so she insisted i redo my blood test on the 2nd day of my period#which i didnt realise at the time is dumb as hell cause my periods are so chaotic im not even sure when they start and when they stop#the doc i saw today was a trans doctor (using iel in french! love to see it) and after i explained my situation was like#well theres no point to check your hormones here since we dont have a point of reference#and your ultrasound shows you have multiple cysts in your ovary so thats pcos#then explained to me what that does to your body & all that its not dangerous per say but its good to monitor and take hormones to help#and i said i was already considering the implant to stop my periods and they said that can be arranged today#told me the other alternatives and the risks associated with the implant but tbh my choice was already made#i mean of course idk how much cisness and transness has anything to do with this#but i had seen another cis doctor about my periods being whack when they started being whack#and he did an ultrasound saw nothing and was like “well nothing wrong with you” and that was the end of it#i definitely felt more comfortable and better cared for in the hands of a peer#(also i had to try three pharmacy to get the implant cause the other ones were out of it#walked way more today than planned but good day regardless!)
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does anyone know if we have to roll that rock up the hill again tomorrow
#so to recap what we all know if we're following the Angela is Sickly series#i can't eat tree nuts. i can't eat trail mix that has come in contact with tree nuts. i am uneasy about eating anything that has been in a#facility with tree nuts because i have had allergic reactions just as severe from cross-contamination as i have had from straight up#eating walnuts. the one exception to this rule is pistachios because i have yet to have an issue with them#i don't eat pecans anymore because i had a reaction. almonds are on thin ice i don't really eat them#also. also i dislike nuts. it's not a hard rule but i don't like them at all. i am not a picky eater they just happen to be one of the#foods i dislike they're a bad texture and they taste like wood. except for the beautiful pistachio#and then we have the alpha gal allergy so. it's not Nearly as severe in terms of life-threatening anaphylaptic response but#the trade-off is a week-long world ending stomachache. which is extremely not fun and also could at any point randomly turn into#a more severe allergy so i. sort of don't fuck with it. there are exceptions that i regret every time because ouch. no red meat.#similarly. we respond not too great to dairy. can't have a lot. can't be fixed by lactaid pills or anything because it's not lactose#intolerance it's an allergy. so. no tree nuts except pistachios. no red meat. light dairy. i am twenty pounds underweight.#my doctor told me to keep red meat in my diet if i couldn't maintain my weight and uh. Bad News i can't maintain weight but also it's a#massive trigger so what the fuck do i do here. to be allergic to some of the most caloric and fatty foods out there#tried to start up boosts and i will continue doing so but im getting stomachaches from them too. like the fuck do u do#im eating eggs and avocado and olive oil and peanut butter etc and im still losing weight. i don't ever have an appetite#gets to a point where im like Well we might end up in a fucking hospital because i keep losing weight and idk why#tests aren't showing anything other than alpha gal and minor inflammation we don't have a reason for#tomorrow i will fucking have egg and avocado and olive oil and butter and a boost and an antispasmodic and water and#i will get a stomachache again and be tired again. Onward!#i would feel so much better if i could gain weight and i can't. what do. im so tired all the time <3 15.8bmi <3
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