#me also struggling under the weight of everything i want to read this month i hate how bad my adhd is so much

[kotaerukoto]

Hey! Alex here, hope everything's been going along as well as it can be for everyone. I just wanted to check in since I know that I've kinda vanished for... Most of the month? Longer? Plus I've been less responsive in general. Yeah. I apologize about that. Work and video games (damn you totk) have dragged me away from writing for a hot second.

Though! I do want to say that I'm still working on things that I owe such as starters and asks from calls I put out a while back as well as replies to threads and asks I've been sent, even if it's been at a pretty glacial pace. I also want to reach out to mutuals more to get more things going, so that's on the eventual agenda too.

[roostersbby69]

Newest member

Summary: Bradley is getting home from deployment and has no idea what the baby’s gender is. You surprise him and he is overjoyed with the baby.

Pairing: Bradley x wife reader

The sun peaked through the curtains and warmed your face as the blankets wrapped around you. You turned and rubbed your growing belly as baby Bradshaw seemed to be waking you up by kicking you.

“Okay, okay I’m getting up.” You groaned as you struggled to sit up.

You stretched your arms over your head as Diesel got up from his dog bed and padded over to you.

“You need to go potty?” You rubbed his ears as he yawned. You got out of bed and sighed as the weight of your belly pulled you. You were about seven months along and ready to get this baby out.

You walked to the kitchen and opened the sliding door for Diesel to go outside, you closed it and walked to your coffee maker and popped in a flavor you wanted. You rested your elbows onto the counter and smelled the coffee as it brewed into your cup. You turned your head to read the clock on your oven, 7:43, you got to go pick up Bradley today.

You were so excited, the last time you saw each other you were four months pregnant, so you were sure he wouldn’t recognize you at seven months.

In the letters you had sent him you also put an updated sonogram picture with it. He loved them and kept them under his pillow to keep them safe, and every night he would pull them out and look at the baby’s face every night. His baby’s face. He was so excited to be a daddy. And even more excited to see you as a mama.

You grabbed your cup and checked your calendar on your fridge to see what time he would be here. Eleven. You rubbed your belly and smiled to yourself, you would finally see your husband.

Diesel was at the door now so you let him inside then walked back to your room to start getting ready. You took a quick EVERYTHING shower, you shaved and washed your hair and walked out with a towel on your head and your maternity robe that Bradley had gifted you before he left.

You checked your phone, sipped your coffee and saw that he had text you.

B: Already on the way, honey, I’m so ready to see you and the baby. You still coming to pick me up?

You smiled and squealed.

You: we’ve missed you so much, Roo. Yes we will be there when you get here.

B: I can’t wait. XOXO

You grabbed your makeup bag and started to get ready while you thought about him.

How he kissed you and made love to you before he got deployed. How he always made your coffee every morning and you could smell it when you woke up. How he woke you up with a back rub when you complained the night before about your body aching. And how he talked to the baby about his day and rested his hand on your belly.

You knew he would be a great father, he told you before he left that he didn’t care whether it was a girl or boy. He would love them no matter what. But now that you knew the gender, you could barely hold yourself together. You told him that when you picked him up you would have something with you for him to see which it was, girl or boy.

You bought a dress and asked the lady at the ultrasound clinic to write on the sonogram if it was a boy or girl. You already knew, but your anxiety was through the roof today.

You had also bought a little teddy bear dressed in his Navy dress blues. You pinned the picture to his paw and would give it to Bradley once you saw him.

You did your makeup, blow dried your hair and packed your purse. It was an hour drive to where they were docking but you didn’t mind.

You slipped on your sandals and grabbed your keys before giving Diesel a kiss on the head, “Be a good boy!” You called before locking up the house and walking to your car. All kinds of thoughts were running through your head.

What if he doesn’t like the way you look?

What if he sees how big you’ve gotten and leaves you?

Your hands started shaking as you cranked the bronco and all of these what if questions swarmed in your head, you controlled your breathing and rubbed your belly.

“Let’s go see daddy.”

-

You waited outside the bronco and folded your hands under your belly. You watched as families had handmade signs and balloons. Wives were crying as they searched for their husbands to come home to them. Children playing and asking where their daddy was, sitting on their mother’s hip as she pointed to the boat coming in.

You took deep breaths as your stomach fluttered. You would finally see your soldier.

You had slipped your white cardigan on and had your hands placed over your belly as you stood on your tip toes and watched as soldiers poured from the dock.

You had told Bradley that you were bringing the bronco and you would be there by it.

Your phone began to ring just as you were debating on rushing through the crowd, but decided against it so you wouldn’t get ran into.

You answered the phone and held your other ear, “Hello?”

“Hi honey, where are you?” Bradley’s voice came through, you sighed and smiled.

“Do you see the big light pole directly in front of the dock?”

“Ummm” he sat for a second, “yes I see it.”

“Go to it, I’m parked right under it, I tried to find a distinct spot so it would be easy for you to find me.”

He laughed as he politely shoved through people, but he couldn’t help it, he was eager to see you and the baby.

“I’m coming, honey. As fast as I can.” The lady that overheard him smiled as she waited for her husband as well.

He excused himself between reunited families and finally saw a flash of the bronco.

He broke through the crowd and clutched his duffle bag tightly as he finally saw you. You looked beautiful, you were wearing a yellow sundress that hugged your belly, a white cardigan and your hair was curled. He dropped his phone from his ear as you dropped yours onto the ground and ran to him, well more like waddled.

He laughed as he opened his arms and took you in, he groaned and breathed in your scent.

Tears started pouring down your face and you tried to control your breathing as you squeezed him tighter.

“Oh Bradley, I missed you so much!” You turned and kissed his cheek.

He turned his head and kissed your lips once, twice, three times. Until you were giggling and crying.

“Oh honey.” He groaned as he leant back and looked at you. “You’re glowing.” He laughed in disbelief at how much the baby had grown, the last time he saw you, your belly was barely visible.

You took his hand and smiled as you pressed it on the side of your belly.

He gazed down at it with a smile on his face and laughed. “I can’t believe it” he looked back up to you, “This is real.”

You laughed, “it is very real.”

He brought you in for a hug and held you, he pulled apart and kissed your lips before turning to the crowd and yelling at the top of his lungs, “I’m gonna be a daddy!”

You thought this was so sweet, he still didn’t even know what the baby was, and still was so excited to meet them.

“Roo” you shushed him and laughed, “Do you want to know what the baby is?”

He looked down as you and glued his hand right back on your belly, “Yes, tell me, honey. What is it?”

You smiled and stuck your hands in the window before grabbing the teddy bear and pulling it out.

His eyes filled with tears as he stared at the teddy bear in his dress blues, he took it gently in his hands and rubbed the fur with his thumbs. He noticed the picture pinned to his paw and looked closer.

His eyes widened and stared at the words printed on it that said, ‘I’m a boy!”

His eyes filled with tears as he stared at you with wide eyes and slack jaw. “Really? A boy?” He started to laugh and smile.

You nodded and wiped the tear from under your eye and laughed, “Yeah, we’re having a boy.”

He scooped you up and kissed your cheek then your neck then lips.

“Oh my god!” He laughed and couldn’t stop smiling. “A boy! I’m a boy daddy!”

All you could do was smile and watched as he laughed and kept trying to wrap his head around it. He bent down and pressed his hands to the side of your belly and pressed his lips to the middle of it.

“I can’t wait to meet you, baby Bradshaw.”

-

Couple months later

“I’m so ready to get this baby out.” You said as you bounced on the yoga ball that your doctor had recommended.

Bradley watched you with a smile on his face, he stood up and walked over to you, “I have a good idea how we can.” He smirked down at you as you stopped your bouncing.

He grabbed your hand and lifted you up and led you to your shared bedroom. You laughed as he kissed your neck and moved your hair to the side.

“Bradley” you laughed and grabbed his face, “What are you doing?”

“Gettin this baby out, honey.” He smiled as he laid you down gently on the bed, he stood up and admired you with a sigh. “I love this version of you but I’m ready to meet baby Bradshaw.”

“Me too.” You reached for him and he hovered over you, you stared into his eyes as his big hands ran up your shirt and groped your boobs.

“I love these.” He kissed your jaw and sucked on your neck.

You bit back a whimper as his hands removed your shirt and laid you down on your back.

He took his shirt off, swiftly, and came back down to kiss your lips.

You pushed him back by your shoulders, “Do you want me to give you head?”

He scrambled up and nodded as he grabbed a pillow and placed it on the floor for your knees.

You laughed as he helped you kneel and undid his pants and dropped his jeans.

You palmed his hard dick and licked it through his boxers. He sucked in a breath as he watched you locate his tip and suck on it through the fabric.

You looked up at him as you tugged down his boxers and watched as his dick sprang out.

You immediately wrapped a hand around his length and kitten licked the precum off of it.

“Shit, baby.” He laced his fingers through the hair on your scalp and let you set your own pace. You took his tip in your mouth and swirled your tongue around it. He groaned and watched as you took his length in your mouth.

“Fuck, Y/n.” He watched as you bobbed your head and pressed your tongue into the underside of his cock.

You placed your hand on his thigh and the other on his balls, he cursed as you made this move.

“Fuck, you look so hot sucking my dick. Let me fuck you.” He rubbed his thumb on your cheek and looked you in your eyes, “Please.”

You smiled and released him from your mouth, he helped you up and laughed when you couldn’t get up by yourself.

He laid you don’t on the bed and kissed your neck while he tugged down your panties.

You spread your legs and watched as he lined up with your entrance, not before making sure you were wet enough.

Bradley groaned as he slipped into you with ease and your slick dripped down his balls.

“Fuck.” You looked up at him with a slack jaw.

“God you’re so hot, pregnant with my baby.”

You whimpered as he rubbed the side of your belly and started slow thrusts, making a soft clapping noise.

“Fuck, Roo.” You scratched his back as he quickened his pace and grabbed your boob. You always loved how vocal he was in bed and how quick it got you off.

“Turn me over.” He obeyed and gently flipped you over, watching your belly.

He lined back up and slammed into you, making you cry out and grip onto the sheets tightly. With one hand on your belly and the other on your hip, he quickened his pace until he could hear his balls smacking your ass and you moaning.

“Fuck! Right there!” You threw your head back and cried. With every thrust your moans broke as you gasped and his fat dick kept hitting that sweet spot inside of you.

“Fuck, you’re so tight.” He slapped your ass and his hand went right back to your belly, “and sexy.”

Your whole body began to shake as you felt hot, beads of sweat appeared on your forehead.

“Fuck! I’m gonna cum!” You sobbed as he kept his hard pace on hitting your g spot.

You listened as he groaned and you sobbed as your high took over your entire body and his warm cum shot inside of you.

Your thighs shook as you tried to hold yourself up, he pulled out of you and watched as his cum leaked down your thighs and dripped onto the white bedsheets.

“Fuck you’re so pretty.” He took his thumb and swiped it.

He helped you lay down as he grabbed his shirt and cleaned you up, he laid down beside you and pulled you into his chest and brought the sheets up to your bare breast.

“Let’s see if baby Bradshaw comes to say hello.” You laughed as your head shook against his chest due to his laughter.

—————————————————————

[baddestbittyontheblock]

february fic recs (1/2)

✦ dividers by @saradika-graphics, @gigittamic ✦

Ⳋ᧙ hi everyone!! i've read a ton of fics this month, so i hope you all enjoy my faves of february!! Ⳋ᧙ ⑅part 2⑅

I made 2 post's for february cause it was too long lol

ᖭི༏ᖫྀ remember to like and reblog the works you enjoy in order to support each incredible writer!! ᖭི༏ᖫྀ

Ⳋ᧙ however, make sure you read the information on each story themselves such as triggers & warnings Ⳋ᧙

ᖭི༏ᖫྀ also, if you’d like me to remove your fic from this list, message me! ᖭི༏ᖫྀ

women's soccer

alexia putellas

❀᧓ when i break, it’s in a million pieces (1/3) by @girlgenius1111 alexia x putellas!reader

-the pressure on reader is intense, from her sister more than anyone. an injury pushes her to her breaking point. desperate not to let her sister down, reader struggles under the weight of her injury.

❀᧓ shining just for you (2/3) by ^ alexia + barça & putellas!reader

-reader only gets worse. alexia gets frustrated. a much needed conversation is attempted.

❀᧓ all i do is try, try, try (3/3) by ^ alexia putellas x putellas!reader

-alexia and reader finally talk.

❀᧓ young, drunk, and alone by ^ alexia putellas x putellas!reader | angst, fluff, brief mentions of blood and vomiting. and alcohol consumption, 6k

-reader infuriates her sister when she sneaks out and gets drunk with her friends. alexia comes to realize that maybe, this is a result of her pushing you too hard.

❀᧓ you come back from gravity by ^ alexia putellas x reder | angst, fluff

-alexia and reader have an argument. reader misunderstands, and when alexia leaves to calm down, she thinks she's going for good.

❀᧓ annoyances by @sunnyaelia alexia putellas x reader | pure fluff, reader being a little shit

-alexia forces you to come with her to a photo shoot and a meeting while you’re tired - you’re intent on making her regret it 

❀᧓ matches and hickeys by ^ alexia putellas x reader | mostly fluff and then suggestive at the end, not meant for minors!

-alexia is very proud to take you with her to a match - until one of her opponents starts flirting with you 

❀᧓ jealously and sisterhood by ^ alexia putellas x reader | angst

-alexia and you are dating and she is happy that you get along with her sister alba so well - until people start thinking you and alba are a thing. in her effort to keep you away from her sister, she drives a wedge in between you and her relationship

❀᧓ listener and talker by ^ alexia putellas x reader | grumpy x sunshine trope but a very mild version of it

-you always think that you talk too much for alexia to listen to everything - she proves otherwise 

❀᧓ listener and talker 2 by ^ alexia putellas x reader | pure fluff

-alexia continues to be cute and you try to match her actions and do some things for her

❀᧓ insecurities and drunk talks by ^ alexia putellas x reader | talks about body insecurities and then wanting to change body image, nothing heavy or detailed though and it’s about gaining muscles not losing weight! also non sexual nudity and suggestive comments, 18+ please 

-alexia tries to tease you by not initiating any physical contact anymore - she doesn’t expect that you might misunderstand it and withdraw from her as a result 

❀᧓ laps and regret by ^ alexia putellas x reader | this contains descriptions of reader almost throwing up and non sexual nudity 

-in her efforts to hide your relationship to the others on the team, alexia overdoes it during training and is way too strict on you - it has consequences 

❀᧓ delay by @awfcspencer alexia putellas x reader | mdni 18+ only, smut with basically no plot. dom!alexia, sub!reader, fingering, strap-ons, praise kink, dirty talk, choking, orgasm denial

-flight cancellation isn’t ideal, especially when you had been teasing alexia all day.

❀᧓ dancing with the devil (1/3) by @pers1st alexia putellas x singer!reader | mentions of drugs and alcohol

-meeting alexia hadn't been an accident. if anything, meeting anyone, for you, was an accident, because more often than not, people were screaming into your face, demanding pictures and autographs and spinning theories about your private life that you were pretty sure could be considered conspiracies.

❀᧓ painkillers (2/3) by ^ alexia putellas x singer!reader | alcohol & drug abuse

-if lois noticed the tears threatening to spill from your eyes, he didn't mention it. you turned the radio on from the control in the back, desperate to escape the whistling thoughts in your head.

❀᧓ afterglow (3/3) by ^ alexia putellas x singer!reader | mentions of OD

-keira was taken away first. alexia noticed it as she marched across the damp pitch, a winter coat shielding her body from the cool wind, her body glistening with sweat.

❀᧓ bittersweet by @barcaatthemoon alexia putellas x reader

-the roar of the crowd was deafening. spain had won, and while you were so proud of alexia, you couldn't bring yourself to move to congratulate her.

❀᧓ testy by @acornsquish alexia putellas x reader | smut, 18+ minors dni, AFAB reader, cunnilingus, fingering, begging, restraints, D/S undertones, orgasm control

-you're in a terrible mood, for no particular reason. you know exactly what would help, but your girlfriend's been insanely busy for weeks, and you don't want to ask for what you need and put one more thing on her plate. alexia figures it out anyways.

❀᧓ broken by @ale-wosofan alexia putellas x reader | little bit of angst (+fluff), implied adhd

-reader is struggling but she’s not sure why or how to fix it. will she finally be honest with her girlfriend about how she’s feeling?

❀᧓ reliance by @leahluvr alexia putellas x reader | angst, comfort

-your newborn son won’t go to sleep

❀᧓ spoiled rotten by @wileys-russo alexia putellas x reader | fluff

-"only me!" you called out as you stepped through the front door, immediately nearly crashing to the floor over a pair of your girlfriends sneakers she'd left laying in the way.

❀᧓ caught on camera by ^ alexia putellas x putellas!reader

-"where are you going? the field is that way hermana."

❀᧓ open your eyes by @magics-neptunes-things alexia putellas x reader

-alexia. you’ve known her since you were a little girl. you met her when the ball she was playing with ended up in your backyard and she came looking for it, half hidden behind her father.

❀᧓ between us by @alexias-putellas alexia putellas x reader x jenni hermoso

-you’d had a crush on alexia from the moment you’d laid eyes on her the day you signed your barcelona contract. she was pretty and kind. and unfortunately, taken.

aitana bonmatí

❀᧓ sleepyhead by @storiesforthemoonchild aitana bonmatí x reader

-breakfast was always loud with the team, and you loved it.

❀᧓ clingy by @alexias-putellas aitana bonmatí x reader | fluffy

-with a heaved sigh, you pushed open the apartment door, dragging your suitcase in behind you. the quiet humming you could hear stopped and was replaced by the sound of footsteps.

❀᧓ beach babe by @princejiu aitana bonmatí x reader

-the barca girls spots a beach babe and aitana is immediately in love

jessie fleming

❀᧓ you've been missed by @lovinpelova jessie fleming x reader | smut

-jessie feels a bit more lonely than usual, so she makes sure you get home earlier.

leila ouahabi

❀᧓ eyes on me by @repulsiveliquidation leila ouahabi x reader | smut

-the sun shines through the hotel room in malta. leila has her arm wrapped around your middle with a tight grip on you.

mapi leon

❀᧓ don't doubt us by @girlgenius1111 ingrid x mapi x reader | 18+ smut!

-reader gets sick. mapi and ingrid get overprotective. reader pushes herself too hard, but her girlfriends know what she needs better than she does

ingrid engen

❀᧓ ingrid blurb by @wileys-russo ingrid engen x reader

-"i didn't know you switched numbers"

❀᧓ inside everything by @retrocesosdestacion ingrid engen x reader | smut, minor disastrous, +18 writting, semi-public sex, touching, fingering, r sub, maybe a bit realistic, did not reach the limit, half sex, almost caught.

-It's shopping day, however you are very doubtful on which denim shorts you are going to acquire.

❀᧓ don't doubt us by @girlgenius1111 ingrid x mapi x reader | 18+ smut!

-reader gets sick. mapi and ingrid get overprotective. reader pushes herself too hard, but her girlfriends know what she needs better than she does

alessia russo

❀᧓ mornings with you by @mrchiipchrome alessia russo x reader | suggestive, 1.4k

-early morning rays of sun peeked in through the blinds as your girlfriend admired your features lit up by the soft glow of the rays. alessia’s blonde hair was splayed over the pillow, her finger tracing soft shapes into the skin of your arm. 

❀᧓ puzzle book by @wileys-russo alessia russo x reader

-cute little blurb about being on camp in spain with less

jenni hermoso

❀᧓ homecoming by @girlgenius1111 jenni hermoso x reader | smut! 18+

-jenni returns from a trip without you, intent on reminding you of who you belong to. you are only interested in proving to her that you've forgotten who is in charge.

❀᧓ between us by @alexias-putellas alexia putellas x reader x jenni hermoso

-you’d had a crush on alexia from the moment you’d laid eyes on her the day you signed your barcelona contract. she was pretty and kind. and unfortunately, taken.

❀᧓ caught by @barcaatthemoon jenni hermoso x reader | minors dni, 18+, smut

-you and jenni get caught breaking one the team's "no hotel sex" rule.

ona batlle

❀᧓ scratches down your back now by @alessiasfreckles one batlle x reader | smut 18+, dom!ona, sub!reader, fingering (r receiving), strap (r receiving), back scratching, dirty talk, degradation, overstimulation, multiple orgasms, praise kink

-you just want ona to use you, and she's more than happy to do so.

men's soccer

jude bellingham

❀᧓ tainted memories by @anadiasmount jude bellingham x reader | angst? smut and fluff, minors dni, 3.6k

-breaking up wasn’t apart of the plan. so was also inviting him to your friends party, but now that he’s back after seven months, a little rekindle never hurts anyone, right?

❀᧓ not what you think by ^ jude bellingham x reader | 2.1k

-a club filled with many girls but the one he wants is standing in the dance floor, his best friends little sister. he shouldn’t be thinking the way he does, but something about seeing you doing something he never thought and imagined has his mind racing with thoughts that were forbidden…

❀᧓ a love that feels right by @judethsluvr brother’s bsf!jude bellingham x fem!reader | 18+ minors dni

-“you know you don’t have to share a tent with me—in fact i’d be happy to have one for myself, just saying.”

❀᧓ just a fan by @mufcjb jude bellingham x reader | just slight angst, appearances from Camavinga and Vini Jr

-a security guard at one of jude’s games mistakes you for a fan.

❀᧓ wag in training by ^ jude bellingham x reader | insecurities, body image issues, brief mentions of lack of eating,very angsty

-reader is insecure about her capabilities of being a wag and feeling like she doesn’t fit in, especially after seeing the others at the world cup.

❀᧓ la playa by @moviestarmartini jude bellingham x latina!reader | really short instagram aus at both the beginning and the end, situationship where they both clearly fell for each other but won't discuss it, pet names in spanish, NSFW, semi-public sex, soft dom!jude if you squint, teasing, p in v, praise, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it y'all), creampie, cockwarming, fluff (aka two big goofs in love), 2.0k

-situationship!jude asked to spend the summer vacations with you. he's been looking at you with something other than his hungry eyes for some time now.

❀᧓ ballroom extravaganza by @leviscolwill jude bellingham x f1 driver!reader | jude is jealous, reader drives for mclaren w lando, possible racing inconstancies (i can't drive to save my life), reader crashes (nothing too bad happens tho), gasly slander, language ??, quite angsty but happy (&fluffy) endin, 1.7k

-you always hated arguing with jude, but even more so when you're about to race monaco's streets

❀᧓ watermelon sugar by @judeswhore jude bellingham x fem!reader | 18+, minors dni, oral (f), pussy drunk jude??

-jude just can’t get enough of you

bridgerton

anthony bridgerton

❀᧓ bridgerton blues by @imthebadguyyy anthony bridgerton x reader | smut, heavy smut and excessive amount of fluff

-it's the first time after your wedding that anthony sees you sporting the signature bridgerton colour : blue, and it does things to him that he can only express in a much more....physical manner.

❀᧓ truth or dare by @ithebookhoarder anthony bridgerton x wife!reader | alcohol, mild smut, swearing, anthony losing his mind, typical bridgerton sibling shenanigans 

-married only a few months, you are very much one of the bridgerton brood - something that often drives your poor husband mad, especially when you happen to be every bit as chaotic and unruly as his siblings... also known as, you, benedict and eloise take a game of ‘truth or dare’ a bit too far. 

❀᧓ to lose yourself by @frost-queen anthony bridgerton x reader

-you and anthony have an intense moment in the library at lady danbury's ball. It leads to full on kissing till his sister daphne enters shockingly. teasingly she starts telling you to duel her just like anthony once did with simon.

call of duty

simon riley

❀᧓ drabble by @truetogaia simon riley x reader

-simon keeps his late girlfriend's things long after her passing.

❀᧓ simon fic by @lunarw0rks simon riley x gn!reader | nsfw + sfw, established relationship, smut/fluff, shower sex, hurt/comfort, 1.1k

-reader using their safe word for the first time with ghost

❀᧓ picture by @peachesofteal simon riley x fem!reader | 18+ minors dni, pregnancy, pregnant reader, blow job, praise kink, blood, violence, injury, ptsd, anxiety, trust issues. simon is bad at feelings. soap is a good friend. POV switches

-soap gives simon a picture.

❀᧓ simon blurb by @hecateslore dad!simon x mom!reader

-a working mom who comes home to a retired papa!simon

❀᧓ smut blurb by @shotmrmiller pornstar!ghost x fem!reader | 18+, smut

-pornstar!ghost who can't seem to ever keep his hands to himself whenever you're around, even when about to film.

[lostgracestories]

Morgott Romantic headcanons-ish (because I said so)

OKAY so I'm impatient and I'm writing this to tide me over until the poll for a fanfic choice is over AAA (also, I often write for chubbier characters so enjoy fellow girlies) most of this is just word vomit lol

ALSO MARRIAGE AND CHILDREN HEADCANONS IN HERE (they're labeled so skip if not interested <3)

WC: 969 TW: Pregnancy (skip the pregnancy+children section)

~Romantic Relationship Headcanons~

At first, when Morgott enters a relationship, he FOR SURE struggles with self-worth. He is 100% terrified of intimacy like; "No don't touch me, I'll taint you/ruin you"

He definitely still calls you tarnished but adds a little endearing term before or after it (Little tarnished, sweet tarnished, etc.)

After a while, Morgott will eventually become accepting of fleeting touches (and by a while I mean a WHILE) he'll give in every once in a while to a hug or even more rarely a kiss (only on the cheek) if you give him those eyes...

You can BEG and BEG but he will NEVER flirt with you. At least, not like a normal person (because he's far from normal) instead of pick-up lines, cheesy compliments (okay, maybe a couple), or fleeting touches, he always offers you gifts based on things he hears you talk about. There's a book you mention you want? It's in your hands the next day. You want to try a new chocolate shop? There's a giant heart-shaped box on your nightstand waiting for you in the morning, maybe even with a love note.

After finally getting comfortable in the relationship (he's rough around the edges so it takes at LEAST quite a few months) he finally lets you truly kiss him. It startles him at first and he won't look at you as if the golden order is going to smite him for indulging himself in such a thing and when nothing happens, it's like a weight is lifted. Now, whenever he sees you, public or not, he has to steal a kiss.

Even though he still struggles with his own image, he absolutely praises you like a Goddess. Your hip dips? Perfect for him to hold while dancing in the kitchen. The roundness in your cheeks? Perfect for kisses, squishy and cute. The pudge of your lower stomach? The perfect pillow. And he means it. He will lay against your stomach whenever he can. He can't get enough.

Although he denied every request you ever made to touch his horns, afraid you would realize how disgusting he truly was if you touched them, when he wakes up from a night terror one night to find your gentle hands tangled in his hair and horns, a look of soft worry on your face, he feels like his heart is going to leap out of his throat. It is quite possibly the most comforting thing he had ever experienced. Now, when you asked to touch them, he would eagerly oblige you, laying his head in your lap.

~Marriage Headcanons~

When Morgott proposes to you, he is a nervous wreck. It takes everything in him not to retreat into his self-loathing, something that you had worked on with him so hard. He takes you out to his erdtree flower garden and it is beautiful. All the flowers are in bloom and they glow golden under the beginning of the sunset. After offering you a hand-crafted golden ring with intricate designs like vines in it and asks the question, his heart nearly explodes with relief when the answer is yes.

The first year of marriage is hard on Morgott. He feels deep regret that he can not be at your side as much as he wishes to be and so, whenever you come into his study late at night while he's deep in his work, spectacles on the tip of his nose as he reads, he allows you to lay wrapped in his tail by the fireplace behind him. Sometimes, if you fell asleep, he would carry you to bed when he was finished.

Morgott wasn't sure how the topic had been brought up, but the moment he heard the mention of children he immediately became apprehensive. Although, deep down, he would love to have little children of his own, he was absolutely terrified that they would bear his curse and that you would struggle to love them even if you loved him.

~Pregnancy+Children Headcanons~

After A LOT of discussion, you and Morgott had decided that children would not be in either of your best interests for the time being (mostly to make sure Morgott was comfortable with his choice) so when you came hurrying into his study, disrupting his work late at night nearly 3 months later and told him you were pregnant, it was like being smacked in the face. He was excited as much as he was terrified.

Morgott absolutely DOTED on you the whole pregnancy. He would neglect his work as long as possible if it meant taking care of you. Even despite his fears, you were always quick to tell him that you would love their child unconditionally, omen or not. this always eased his tension and sent him out of his spiraling

When the time finally came, Morgott was probably more of a mess than you were. He silently cursed himself and blamed himself every time he heard you in pain and for 13 hours it ate him up.

Morgott's fears were immediately washed away the moment he laid eyes upon the beautiful child you had gifted him. He could swear he cried just a little bit when he found out it was a girl. Despite her being an omen, she was so perfect in both of your eyes. Morgott thanked the erdtree that she would never experience her childhood in the shunning grounds like he and his brother had.

As years pass by, Morgott would dote on both of his girls, his daughter being a daddy's girl especially. He would do anything for her. During each stage of her life. Whether it be scaring away the monster in her wardrobe, reading stories to lull her to sleep, bandaging her wounds when she fell, and eventually comforting her after her first heartbreak, he would ALWAYS be there for his little girl

[mommyownsmee]

Hiiii mommy, first of all i hope you're doing good, (sorry if my grammar is odd, english is not my first language) and i have a question (⁠.⁠ ⁠❛⁠ ⁠ᴗ⁠ ⁠❛⁠.⁠). soo I dont have any friends that do this type of relationship dynamic so i don't have anybody to ask, and I've been following and reading your blogs for a while and you sound so genuine and kind with your responds so I've build up the courage to ask youu.

I've broken up with my dom for about 4 months, because there was times when she was completely ignoring my safe words but only when we do our things while she's stressed from work and most of the times she ignores me after it and i felt really neglected, when i try to bring it up she just tells me it's my job as a sub to service the dom, and to just "let it go because mitsress has had it rougher at work" . This was my problem with her, but she was loving and caring most of the time. Then i broke up with her, 9 months in our relationship, because i always get scared when she gets stressed.

I don't know if she's a good or bad dom because she was good to me most of the times, I've been trying to move on from her, but I've been feeling guilty because what if i did the wrong thing, and what if i lost a good dom?

Do you think i did the right thing?

I don't even know if you'll see this, but i hope you'll have a good day, thankyouu for reading my thoughts ฅ⁠^⁠•⁠ﻌ⁠•⁠^⁠ฅ

Hello honey! 𝒙𝒙

I know it’s not easy to share these kinds of feelings, especially when you’ve been carrying the weight of doubt and guilt after the breakup. But let me tell you, you absolutely did the right thing by ending that relationship, and I want to explain why you should feel empowered by your decision.

I can tell from your message that you cared a lot about your dom, and that’s completely normal. It’s clear there were loving and caring moments in your relationship, and those good times can make it so much harder to walk away, even when things aren’t right. But the fact that you recognized something was wrong—especially when she started ignoring your safe words—is incredibly important. That shows a huge amount of self-awareness and courage on your part.

Safe words are such a critical part of any BDSM dynamic. They’re there to protect both partners and to ensure that everything happening is consensual, safe, and respectful. The moment a dom disregards those safe words, it’s a breach of trust. It crosses a line that should never be crossed. What you experienced—having your safe words ignored when she was stressed—is not only a violation of that trust, but it’s also a form of manipulation and neglect. You deserve better than that.

The fact that she dismissed your feelings when you tried to talk about it and told you to just "let it go" because she had a rough day at work is not okay. Yes, everyone goes through tough times, but a healthy relationship—especially one involving a power dynamic—should never involve making excuses for harmful behavior. Your needs and feelings are just as valid as hers, and a good dom should be able to communicate and respect your boundaries even when they’re stressed or struggling. It’s not your job as a sub to absorb all the stress and pain of the dom, especially at the cost of your own emotional and physical well-being.

You mentioned that she was loving and caring most of the time, and I can imagine that’s part of why you’re feeling conflicted now. It’s completely natural to question whether you made the right decision when you think back on the good times. But I want to remind you that being “good most of the time” doesn’t make up for the times she made you feel scared, neglected, or unsafe. In a healthy BDSM relationship, you should never feel fear about how your dom will treat you when they’re under pressure. You shouldn’t have to tiptoe around someone’s bad moods or be afraid of how they’ll act when they’re stressed.

It sounds like you’ve been carrying a lot of guilt since the breakup, wondering if you made the wrong choice or if you lost a “good dom.” But the truth is, a good dom would never ignore your safe words or make you feel like your needs and concerns don’t matter. The fact that she consistently put her own stress ahead of your well-being is a clear sign that she wasn’t the right dom for you. While she may have had good qualities, the way she disregarded your boundaries is a dealbreaker. You deserve someone who takes your safe words seriously every single time, no matter what’s going on in their life.

It’s completely normal to feel guilt after a breakup, especially when the relationship wasn’t all bad. But please don’t let that guilt convince you that you should have stayed. You recognized a pattern of behavior that was harmful to you, and you took action to protect yourself—and that’s something to be incredibly proud of. You’re not weak for leaving; you’re strong for knowing your worth and for not settling for a dynamic where you felt neglected and unsafe.

Another thing that really stood out to me in your message is how you said you were always scared when she got stressed. That feeling of walking on eggshells, of wondering when her stress would turn into another moment where your boundaries were ignored, is not how a healthy relationship should feel. Your relationship shouldn’t leave you feeling anxious or afraid of your partner’s moods. The fact that you had to deal with that fear is already a huge red flag that something wasn’t right. You shouldn’t have to live in fear of how someone else’s stress will impact your dynamic or your safety.

Moving on from someone who you shared a bond with—especially in a relationship that involves power dynamics—can be so hard. You mentioned that you’ve been feeling guilty, and I just want to remind you that breaking up with her wasn’t about her being a "bad" person overall. It’s about recognizing that her behavior wasn’t healthy for you. You did the right thing by stepping away to protect your emotional and physical well-being. That kind of self-care is essential, especially in relationships where trust and boundaries are so important.

Also, let’s talk about how you’ve been trying to move on. It’s okay to feel conflicted right now. It’s normal to miss parts of the relationship, especially the moments when things felt good. But I hope you can hold on to the fact that you left because you knew in your heart that something was wrong. Those feelings of neglect and fear weren’t just passing thoughts—they were real, and they mattered. It’s natural to look back and wonder if you lost something good, but I promise you, you didn’t lose the kind of relationship that you deserve. You deserve a dom who can handle stress without taking it out on you, who respects your boundaries no matter what, and who makes you feel secure and valued every single day.

Lastly, I want to reassure you that what you’re feeling—this mixture of guilt, doubt, and pain—is part of the healing process. It’s okay to feel that way. You did something incredibly hard, but you did it for yourself, and that’s something to be proud of. As time passes, I hope you’ll come to see that choosing to leave was an act of self-love and protection. You made a difficult, but incredibly wise decision to prioritize your well-being, and I admire you so much for that.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences with me. You made the right choice, and I truly believe you’ll find a relationship where you feel safe, respected, and cherished in all the ways you deserve. Take it one day at a time, and remember that your feelings matter. You matter.

Sending you so much love and support, and wishing you all the best as you continue to heal.

Take care of yourself—you deserve it.

[adviceformefromme]

Hiii,

I would love to have your insight on my issue or crisis.

I'm now living alone. I moved out (I used to live with a family friend, but she has an awful character, and I always get sick there due to being stressed out/overworked, I worked for her because she owns a business, and she isn't paying me enough, she pays me a quarter and even less from everyone else), and I was supposed to have a job, I applied, get hired and all that but it didn't turned out well. So, now I'm unemployed, and I'm looking for a job again. But it's been over a month, and my anxiety is skyrocketing. I'm so worried over the next few weeks because I might run out of money, and I have pills to pay, food, and everything else. I am budgeting what's left to fit all my expenses. I am so worried. I don't have anyone I can confide to, ask for help, or anything. I feel so alone and miserable. I really don't know what to do anymore.

I'm still currently applying for a job, hopefully I'd get hired as soon as possible. But as of the moment, this situation is really taking a toll on my well-being. I can't sleep, and I'm constantly worrying about what might happen to me tomorrow, the next few days and weeks. I'm so stressed out. I really don't know what to do anymore.

Thank you for reading this. Would love to have your advice on this one. Love lots, and take care always xx.

Hey sweetie, omg I FEEL you! I have been there. I was thrown out and had no were to go when I was 19 and I was literally desperate. I had no money, no job and also when I was 21 same thing. As difficult as this situation is, you have to believe it's literally the moments before your break through, and this is where your task is to trust and lean into faith. I know you have a vision, of where you want to be, i know you are trying your very best to get there, or even just get on the path there so keep focusing on what you want, nothing less. Pour all your energy into where you want to be. Not who screwed you over, not how difficult life is. IGNORE THE 3D. Focus all your mental energy on where you want to be. This is going to require you to be pro-active in thinking positively. Things you can do right now to help yourself. 1] Grab a pen and paper or the notes in your phone. Write down exactly what you want. The vision. Let go of what you don't want otherwise you're dragging more of that into your future. Write about the dream job, where it is, what you wear to work, what time you wake up, what your new boss is like, get into DELULU. Make shit up. Be creative. As long as you write in present tense. I AM. Keep doing this. Time yourself for 5 mins writing (longer if you can). You also want to imagine the phone call receiving the good news. Just keep pretending 'OMG THEY OFFERED ME THE FUCKING JOB AGHHHHHH' literally go there, this is your oscar moment. Let the tears stroll down because you are so happy, the struggle is finally over. Pretend you're on the phone to your imaginary boyfriend telling him the best news about your new job. Imagine getting the keys to your dream apartment. As crazy as this all sounds the most important thing you do is FEEL into where you want to be, and do this as often as you can throughout the day. Become obsessed with your vision. Put hourly timers on your phone, the main goal is to move you out of the darkness you are in right now. 2] Listen to positive music. Let go of the depressing shit, listen to beautiful songs that make you feel hopeful, energised. Binural beats, pop music that uplifts you, harp playlists on youtube, whatever lifts your spirits, use sound to assist you. 3] Go for a run! Running is free. Is allows you to free your mind, shift your energy and realise some of the weight of the world. 4] Stop talking about what you don't want. DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES speak from this moment on, about what you do not want. Don't speak on it. Words are spells, make sure you are only speaking on GOOD NEWS. If anyone asks you about your job search, tell them its going well and you're feeling like something good is about to happen. Pause mid sentence if you find yourself speaking negatively. 5] GET PREPARED. Mentally, physically. I'm not sure what country you are in but there are charities like 'Dress for Success' (globally) that help women with free work clothes, my friend used to volunteer there and they have incredible designer clothes they donate to women for work purposes. See what support is available to you and lean into it. 6] PRAY. Speak words to the unseen, ask for a sign, guidance, a job today, some money to come from somewhere, whatever feels natural for you. Lean on prayer for support. There is a GOD available to you, ready to help. Speak to him, ask him for help, don't be shy, if you're mad, if you're upset let him know. He is there for you, and will help and change your life. He has changed my life so much and I trust he can and will do the same for you. When you feel like you have no-one, I promise you, if you lean on God he will change your life like you could never imagine. I hope these points help sweetie. Sending all the love xoxoxox

[terresdebrume]

More fic covers | More fic recs

I mentioned I made fic cover in a recent post and it reminded me that I'd meant to make one for SJTrinity's Band of Brothers fic: Under Thunder and Rain which is THE Webgott fic, as far as I'm concerned. I've reread it something like five time in the past three months, it's ridiculous. You should read it to.

More about my thought process under the cut, with some spoilers.

So, the entire fic is amazing, of course, but the scene that keeps standing up in my mind is the one in chapter 4, where David is about to sail away on the Tusitala and Joe tries to convince him not to. I love this scene, the vulnerability in both of them, the fact that they find each other, the fact that Joe doesn't realize that it's him David was looking for in the sea. (I know David compares himself to the Shark from the Frisco chapter, but to me his fight to catch said shark is also an excellent parallel of the way he constantly has to reel Joe in and then give him some slack before he breaks the line in his struggle.)

All this to say: I had to have the Tusitala on the cover, if only because if this boat could talk it would be able to tell the tale of how Joe and David finally stop struggling and come together for good. The rain, of course, is a reference to the title and the poem David writes Joe in chapter 5, but I still wanted a bright blue sky as the background because I feel like the vivid and peaceful color are a good contrast to the way they struggle to find their way to one another (and also it reminds me of Episode 10 of BOB, where the color is back in the world and it feels like everything should be alright, but Easy is still losing men and none of them is free of the weight of the war.

The title and author name being on pieces of paper is, of course, a nod to Joe's box full of David's letters and notes, which is also featured against the title card. I wanted watercolor of a bag of groceries for the upper left corner, to further reference that first note and the fact that we don't know how significant it is until the end of the story, because Joe keeps all his cards fucking close to the chest, even if he also betrays himself in his struggle.

(Full disclosure, on my latest rereads the bits that caught my brain were

the time David asks Joe if his future wife does have a smile to die for and Joe says "yeah, it's a great smile. Drives me nuts." While running a finger over David's lips

"He wouldn't add or take away a single thing, and the people who read that book would know how fucking lucky he had been, how he had fought against it and gotten it anyways, this symphony of a life.")

Unfortunately, I couldn't find any graphic on Canva that fit the style of the rest of the cover, so I got a pastry instead. I picked the croissant because, while not extremely sweet for a delicatessen, it's very buttery, and, well: "Copious amounts of sugar and butter clearly loosened him in a way even sex couldn't achieve, because when David came and stood beside him by the stove, Joe threw an arm around his shoulder and bumped their heads together, then playfully tried to wrestle him off his feet." which I feel is also a delightfully deep insight into Joe in general.

And last but not least: the transparent text is the last note David writes Joe in the fic, standing in as the last page of Joe's unwritten book of them.

[2gayy2functionnn]

Don’t say Forever- Chapter 3

TW: Bullying

Janis Imi’ike is known for quite a few things. She’s an artist, a good singer, an outcast, an orphan, a dyke and for the past three years she’s also been a raging insomniac.

Ask Janis the last time she slept eight hours. Go ahead. Ask.

Trick question, the answer she cannot remember. As Janis sits on the comfy bed covered in a large weighted blanket, in a silent room. She wonders why sleep won’t come naturally. She parts her hair, blows it out of her face and repeats the process. She scratches her bug bites. She stretched and twists her back until it cracks. Everything she can think of she does. Hoping it calms her mind and lets her rest. It doesn’t.

Nonetheless, she picks her phone back up and scrolls instagram. She wishes she had her paint stuff here. She wishes she were anywhere but here. Although Regina may have been sort of nice. She doesn’t believe it will last. 

Janis just wants her grandma again. The minutes tick by on the alarm clock way too slow. Eventually she falls asleep, the clock reads 3:26 am. 

                                  ***

Her alarm blares. Janis sits up her hair everywhere around her head and her pajamas top completely twisted. She lets out a yawn and a stretch. Before looking at the clock.

7:00

Shit! She has to be in regina’s car in ten minutes. Janis frantically hops out of her bed before getting caught in her sheets and slamming to the ground with a yelp. 

“Shit!” She shouts running her sore nose as she quickly pulls on a pair of black jean shorts and an oversized flannel with Elmo on a graphic tee flipping the bird under it. Janis grabs her shoes and pulls them on as she runs to the bathroom.

She quickly applies deodorant and eyeliner and mascara before brushing her teeth. No time to eat now! 

As she rushes out to the front yard she sees regina blasting the horn and smirking at her from the drivers seat. 

Janis slides into the back and buckles before turning to her and snarking.

“I’m not late!” She snarls curling up next to the window. Regina’s glare hardens as she backs up.

“watch yourself imi’ike.” She scoffs before starting the drive over to karen’s. 

She beeps a couple times as the tall girl runs out. She almost trips over her comically large heels as she pulls a flower striped cardigan on.��

“Hi Regina!” She says smiling, sliding on the other side to janis. She looks her up and down before smiling and putting out her hand for a shake.

“Don’t touch her Karen, my mom found her in a sewer. She might have rabies” Regina snarks turning up the music and looking back in her rearview mirror at Janis.

Janis grumbles and slides lower in her seat wondering what changed from yesterday. 

As they pull up outside gretchen’s house, the perky brunette is already standing outside waiting for the car to pull up.

She rushes up the door and opens it sliding in. 

“Cute skirt regina!” she says without breathing. Regina grins and turns to her.

“Thanks, mommy just got me it, new drop at zara. It’s not supposed to come out till next month” She brags. Janis watches as Karen leans up to the from seat.

“Careful, Regina says the stowaway has rabies” She whispers loudly to Gretchen who snickers as Regina slams into a parking spot. 

“She’s mom’s charity case, and of course i have to suffer for it” Regina scoffs pulling her keys out of the ignition. She grabs her bag and slams the door behind her.

“Where do I know her from” She hears Gretchen ask as she walks into the school. she goes to the front office and requests her class form. 

Janis pulls out her phone and types a quick text to damian. 

Janis quickly runs to his locker and steps next to him. 

“Oh my love!” He shouts pulling her into a hug not caring as her feet leave the ground. Janis kicks her feet and groans.

“Damian, i saw you last may.” She struggles trying to slip back to the ground.

“I know it’s been too long I missed my favorite little lesbian” He says setting an arm around her shoulder and leading her to class. 

“I’m so glad mommy george set it up so all our classes are together.” Damian smiles ruffling her hair.

“One, don’t call her mommy george and Two, it is nice but it kind of sucks that she thinks i need a babysitter and three, apparently she made regina have the same classes with us too. So watch out”  she shoots over her shoulder as he runs to catch up with her.

“WHAT” He screams right in her ear. She pushes him away and snarls.

“Dude watch my ear” She grumbles and shifts her tote bag higher on her shoulder.

“sorry sorry, I just- Regina our classes” he says pretending to faint on her. Janis yelps as she gets pushed over. 

“Damian!” Sheri grumbles as she hits the ground.

“Sorry sometimes i forget your smaller than average” He smirks. She grumbles  and flip him off behind her as she stalks into the class. They sit together at a table. 

The grumble and laugh. Hating the fact they have math first period but loving that they have it together. The continue laughing as the door slams open to their class.

Janis groans as she sees Regina standing there in her leather skirt and white tank top glory. How she gets away with that stuff is beyond her.

The Queen Bee looks around the room a few times, her gaze stopping at Janis and Damian sitting at their 4 person table.

“Please sit anywhere but here” Janis begs into her crossed arms. Regina stalks over and sets her purse down on the desk across from Janis.

“Seriously” She groans slamming her head on the desk as Damian pats her back sympathetically. 

“Shut up imi’ike” Regina scoffs tapping her pink nails on the desk. 

Some boy with shaggy brown hair makes his way over to set his bag down. He ruffles with his button down.

“NO” Regina snaps turning to him. He blanks and runs across the room to another desk. 

Damian’s and Janis’s mouths drop open. Damian leans forward and places his hands on regina’s.

“Teach me your ways master sensei” He says bowing his head to her.

Miraculously Regina fucking giggles. Than she looks at damian and janis and nods.

“Sit with us at lunch. Than I’ll show you” Sheri says with a head tilt.

“No!”

“Yes!”

Damian and Janis yell at the same time than turn and look at each other. Regina leans back with a smirk and pops her gum. 

Damian raises his eyebrow and leans in and whispers something in Janis’s ear. She pales and turns back to the front.

“ok fine” Janis whines.

Regina raises an eyebrow. 

“What did he say to you” She asks leaning forward and setting her chin on her palm.

“Nothing” Janis blushes. Damian smirks.

Looks like they’d end up having lunch together after all.

[jigensnacks]

okay okay hear me out

ima put this under a read more because i know there are people around who are generally uncomfortable with content relating to alcohol

but! I had a revelation about Jigen and his alcohol preferences.

Disclaimer, I am mildly tipsy as I am writing this. I may or may not get lost in my own thoughts, so please bear with me here, alright?

Content warnings: alcohol (of course), alcohol abuse, maybe more. I dunno at the moment.

Okay. Jigen's alcohol preferences.

At first I couldn't wrap my head around Jigen's appreciation of wine, like that guy's a borderline alcoholic with the way he drinks (which I extend into full-blown alcoholism in my writing, I'll get to this later on), he cannot possibly like wine, wine is weak, why would he even like the stuff?

I came at the issue from the point of view of someone who prefers liquor. Stuff like vodka, whiskey, borovička. You know, the heavy artillery. Poisons that dull the mind and destroy the liver.

But I've tried wine recently. Got the explanation of the ritual of wine-drinking.

And then it suddenly clicked.

Wine has its purpose in Jigen's toolkit of escapism. You have the cigarettes, a way to remind himself that he's not in danger, that he's out of the fight and just vibing, passing time, relaxing. Then there's scotch, the first-aid kit, when everything is too much and he's antsy and nervous and he needs to dull the edge. It's the painkiller, in a way. The glue to mend those invisible wounds, the cause and solution of all of world's problems.

And then there is wine.

It's not to be wielded like a sledgehamer known as liquor. Wine is a delicate tool, when liquor is too much, when he wants to relax, but he doesn't want to dull his senses too much. There aren't any demons to suffocate, he doesn't want to get drunk, his only intention is just to sit down, lean back, have a moment to himself.

To Jigen, wine is like classical music. It's not something to binge, but to immerse himself in, soak in it, have slow, ginger sips. Relish in the taste, the warmth. There's a reason the ancient Romans and Greeks had a god of wine.

Now, how does this tie to my 'Jigen is a barely functional alcoholic' headcanon?

It's the antithesis of liquor. Liquor is the main poison, Jigen pours it into himself to drown out the noise in his head, the lingering pains, to keep his limbs heavy and limp to keep himself from doing something worse. It's his salvation and his downfall, it frees the demons lurking in his mind, yet it keeps them docile, harmless. It allows his mind to swim along, face his fears, it frees his feelings... but it's also a pathway to destruction. With his thoughts and feelings freed comes a different danger - self-destruction. Liquor becomes not only the tool of healing, but one of destruction too. When a heist goes off the rails and they make it home, when the crushing weight of failure sets in and Lupin looks at him with a gaze full of apologies, that's when Jigen grabs his poison of choice and takes his anger out on himself. While Goemon subjects himself to gruelling training to make sure he doesn't fail again, Jigen instead drinks himself mute, lies on the ground staring emptily at the ceiling, reliving every past mistake. That's the start of the cycle, he falls into the drink, struggles to get out of it for months on end. Until his body starts showing the withdrawal symptoms when he's sobering up, the headaches, the feeling of a thousand ants marching all over his skin, the shadow people staring at him, the music plaing from the walls, the muffled conversations from other rooms that never happened, the way his hands shake...

Wine is a way for him to pace himself. His philosophy around wine is basically if someone drinks wine like liquor, there ain't no use hanging around them. Jigen doesn't want wine to become just another tool of thorough self-annihilation. Jigen sees wine as a way to regain control again. It's much weaker than liquor (if we ignore port wine, but I suspect he wouldn't like such wines), and, unlike the heavy artillery he relies on, wine has personality. While liquor is the path of scorched earth, wine is so much calmer. It has a soul, personality, it evolves like classical music. It has elaborate constructions, just swap the musical tones for taste ones.

He reaches for the wine when he doesn't want to fall into that horrible spiral.

Wine - along with food - marks the line between functionality and destruction.

Wine isn't something he can drink quickly. He tried, and found out it only makes him sick.

So he grabs a bottle of a four-year-old italian merlot. Pours himself a glass. Takes a sip. Feels the slight sourness at the back of his tongue. The woody tones playing at the rest of it. The sweetness at the very tip.

He stares down the beast. Sleeping, yet aware. And while he stays with the wine, it'll remain asleep.

I don't know where I was going with this. I blame the wine.

[theangelcatalogue]

Help LGBTQ Refugee Survive Camp!!

Hello! I'm Angel! And this is something my friend and moot, @starsinthenigth, told me about!

This is a fundraiser made by a guy called Judas (internet name NervesNebula), he's an American fundraising for his friend, Abdul who's currently in Gorom Refugee Settlement, because he's been the target of anti-LGBTQ+ harassment. For months, he's been relying on Judas alone, but now he needs more money than Judas is able to provide in order to pay for food and shelter. Abdul hopes to start a business so that he doesn't have to rely on me so much, but he needs money to do it!!

This is Abdul story in his own words:

" My name is Abdul and I am reaching out to you with a heavy heart, seeking your compassion, understanding, and support. I am a survivor, an advocate, and a member of the LGBTQ+ community. Today, I want to share with you my story of resilience, courage, and the desperate need for assistance.

Five years ago, I made the painful decision to flee my home country, Uganda, where my sexual orientation made me a target of persecution and discrimination. In search of a safe haven, I embarked on a journey into the unknown, leaving behind everything I held dear. Little did I know that my path would be filled with unimaginable hardships and struggles.

Since arriving in a foreign land in Kenya I faced countless challenges forcing me to flee to South Sudan. I am not just fighting for my own survival, but also for the well-being of other young individuals, especially children, who find themselves in similar circumstances. The weight of responsibility on my shoulders is immense, as I strive to provide them with a glimmer of hope and a chance for a better future.

As I stand before you today, I am compelled to admit that the road has been so hard. I find myself in a very bad state . Basic necessities like food, shelter, and medical care have become luxuries I can no longer afford. Hunger has become my constant companion, and the nights spent in the cold have taken a toll on my health and spirit.

Despite these overwhelming challenges, my determination remains unyielding. I refuse to let despair define my journey. I believe that within every heart, there lies a reservoir of kindness and empathy. It is this belief that gives me the strength to reach out to you, to share my story, and to ask for your support in my fight for survival.

The funds raised through this GoFundMe campaign will be used to address our most immediate needs. They will enable me to secure safe, stable housing, ensuring that the children under my care have a roof over their heads. They will provide nourishing meals, clean water, and access to healthcare, allowing us to regain our strength and vitality. Additionally, these funds will help us create sustainable livelihood opportunities, empowering us to break free from the cycle of poverty and build a brighter future.

Your contribution, no matter the size, will make a profound difference in our lives. It will not only alleviate the suffering we endure but also serve as a beacon of hope, reminding us that compassion and solidarity exist in this world.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to read our story and for considering our plea for help.

Your generosity will not be forgotten our spirit of humanity. "

THE LINK FOR THE FUNDRAISER

They raised 611 USD raised of their $6,000 goal!

Please! Donate if you can! You can also share this story!

[blackbird-brewster]

CM Smut Fic Recs

I promised to put together a master list of my CM femslash smut, so here it is. Although this only lists my own fics, there are more recs under the cut at the bottom of the post. Also, for longer fics I've noted what chapters have smut (if you want to skip to the good stuff). As always -- check tags before reading to make sure you know what you're diving into. Enjoy, my horny pals!

UPDATED: 16 August 2024

>> CM Kink Bingo 2024 Master List <<

JJ/Emily

* Denotes a long fic. I've noted reference points of what chapters include smut. PWP = Porn without plot

[Moment] || WC: 1,105 || PWP

Summary: Emily wakes up to a horny girlfriend, and only 20 minutes to do something about it.

[Pray] || WC: 2,898

Summary: JJ wasn't usually someone who sought out a one night stand, but all she wanted was to escape the weight of her life with the emotional release that only sex could bring. She didn't plan on leaving the bar until she found someone to leave with her.

[Gravity] || WC: 4,869 || *Smut: Chapter 2

Summary: They didn’t date. Technically, Emily wasn’t an ex-girlfriend, but she was an ex-something. An ex-maybe…an ex-almost.

[Ride] || WC: 821 || PWP Summary: JJ and Emily have a quickie in the car.

[Unsubs and Handcuffs] || WC: 4,100 || PWP Summary: JJ and Emily enjoy a bit of BDSM

[i can't be wrong (to be craving you)] || WC: 101,288 || *Smut: Chapters 1-4, 7, 10, 11, 12, 15

Summary: An Emily focused story chronicling her relationship with JJ and her mental health in the aftermath of everything she's survived.

Tara/Emily

* Denotes a long fic. I've noted reference points of what chapters include smut. PWP = Porn without plot

[Often] || WC: 3,083 || PWP

Summary: Tara tries to entice Emily to go home after a long day at work, but her plan works a little too well and Emily decides she can't wait.

[My Whole Life Long] || WC: 4,414

Summary: Tara and Emily celebrate their three year anniversary with a night neither of them will ever forget, in more ways than one.

[Missing You] || WC: 4,061

Summary: Tara and Emily's 'not-a-relationship' evolves into something more intimate over the months they've been talking...leading to Emily sharing some unexpected news.

[Motivation] || WC: 5,225 || PWP

Summary: The team is reeling after Mr. Scratch ambushed their SUV convoy, killing Agent Walker. Emily is struggling with her abduction and her guilt — but maybe a familiar face could help her unwind.

JJ/Tara

* Denotes a long fic. I've noted reference points of what chapters include smut. PWP = Porn without plot

[Sweetest Pie] || WC: 6,247 || PWP Summary: Tara makes a reckless decision in the field and her girlfriend (JJ) makes her face the consequences.

[Beautiful] || WC: 906 || PWP Summary: Tara on her knees, head between JJ's thighs, reminding JJ how beautiful she is. That's it, that's the fic.

[Between You & Me] || WC: 72,523 || *Smut: Chapter 1-2, 4, 6 Summary: JJ returned to the BAU after having her second child, seemingly having perfected the art of hiding how unhappy she is in her marriage from everyone on the team, well, everyone except Tara

Tara/Rebecca

* Denotes a long fic. I've noted reference points of what chapters include smut. PWP = Porn without plot

[Going Home] || WC: 3,254 || *Smut: Chapter 2 Summary: Tara and Rebecca share their first holiday together. Memories are made, love is abundant, happiness abounds.

OT3 Fics

* Denotes a long fic. I've noted reference points of what chapters include smut. PWP = Porn without plot

[Fooled Around (and Fell in Love) - Part 2] || WC: 87,395 || JJ/Emily/Tara || *Smut: 'Mature' rated scenes throughout, but Explicit threesome in Chapter 25

Summary: Part 2 of the [Fooled Around (and Fell in Love)] series. A wholesome, queer rom-com, with a healthy dose of polyamory.

[Fooled Around (and Fell in Love) - Part 3] || WC: (WIP) || JJ/Emily/Tara *Smut: Throughout - will update specifics when fully published Summary: Part 3 of the [Fooled Around (and Fell in Love)] series. A wholesome, queer rom-com, with a healthy dose of polyamory.

[Cut to the Feeling] || WC: 18,849 || JJ/Tara/Rebecca || *Smut: Chapter 2, Ch 4 (threesome)

Summary: When JJ finds out Tara has a girlfriend, she's surprised when this announcement causes her to feel an overwhelming sense of jealousy. In her attempt to ask Tara about her relationship status, JJ accidently admits far more than she ever intended, leaving Tara feeling confused and slightly intrigued at the idea of what she and JJ might have had together -- if not for the fact Tara is happily dating Rebecca.

ADDITIONAL CM FEMSLASH FIC RECS:

Past Friday Fic Recs:  [Friday Fic Recs - Tumblr] || [CM Fic Recs - AO3 Collection]

My Fanfic Master Lists: [JJ/Emily] || [Tara/Emily] || [JJ/Tara] || [Tara/Rebecca]

2023 Rec Lists: [JJ/Emily] || [Tara/Emily + Other Femslash]

2022 Rec Lists: [JJ/Emily] || [Tara/Emily] || [Other Femslash]

[the-duckless-pond]

Patiently waiting for my grocery order so that I can tuck in and stay in bed for the rest of the day. Today has been super rough and it hasn’t improved.

It started off just fine and normal, but it feels like my meds never truly kicked in or something. I don’t know. Maybe it was the noise. My apartment building felt loud today. One of my neighbors had like 7 kids over earlier and they only left a few hours ago.

The list of things I need to do today is growing. I still need to clean the litter boxes. Easier now that I have a big trash can to put the waste bags in. I have to put ash my groceries and wash my vegetables. I can do that when they arrive. I need to vacuum before the movers bring my furniture tomorrow. Increasingly unlikely to happen as I have been attempting to summon the will to do that since 8am and it is now almost 5pm. But we shall see. Maybe it’ll happen. Maybe I’ll force myself to do it tomorrow.

I can at least move the cat tunnel so that it is out of the way of the movers for tomorrow. I can do that much. And I can turn on the AC and close the windows and put my hoodie back on since that makes me feel safe. I can turn on the white noise machine my mom got me after I found out there were kids here and that should help some. I can lay down when my groceries arrive and tuck in and post my chapter and watch a show and feel safe under my weighted blanket.

Also there is someone living in this building that mistakenly buzzes my buzzer at least once a day. My buzzer does not always work, so that’s a blessing. But I hate it and it makes me super anxious. I would go down there and ask them to stop buzzing my number but I am terrified of doing that and refuse to be perceived by any of my neighbors and wish for total anonymity so. Yeah. That’s a problem that I just have to live with. Maybe they are pressing it on purpose and whoever used to live here would let them in? Maybe it’s an accident and they mean to buzz one of the numbers close to mine? I don’t know. I wish it would stop, though. It’s pretty anxiety provoking. Jarring. Especially when you are not expecting it and you have PTSD. Not pleasant.

I haven’t heard from my best friend in about a week now. I am still texting her updates on my life because that is what I do, but I hope everything is okay. I miss her when she goes quiet like this. Today I can’t remember what I texted her about, but I’m sure I will send at least one more before the day is done. So far they have all been basically updates on the move and how I am feeling since she knows I’ve been struggling.

Update: I have moved positions and now I am camped out in front of the big living room windows. I have to plug my phone in soon so it won’t last long, and I kind of want a fun drink of some sort so I will have to move back near somewhere with an outlet where I can set my drink. Which is a bummer, because I am tired of sitting where I was against the wall and also kind of sore. Maybe I’ll move to the bed. Use the extension cord and plug my phone in and watch my grocery delivery updates like that.

Oh! I did finally make a therapy appointment, though. I haven’t been in like a month. It’s for early next week, at which point I will have internet and my furniture and the rest of my things. And hopefully I will have ordered a real bed by then. I’m starting to get sore from the air mattress. Reminded of the time I was assaulted and, by myself, hauled the entire bed and frame to the dumpster and slept on the floor until I could afford an air mattress. I suppose this is better than that. However that was quite liberating on some level, I do have to admit.

I would feel bad about this getting kind of long but I don’t think anyone reads these or cares, and it’s my diary entry so I’m allowed to make it as long as I want. Tumblr will cut it off below a read more at a certain point anyway.

Trying to decide what kind of fun drink I want. Maybe a smoothie? Or another decaf? I guess I could order dinner and get whatever fun drink the restaurant gives me. Between my agoraphobia and my needing to stock a larger pantry and fridge since now I can cook again after having to do microwave meals for so many years since I didn’t have a real kitchen, I’ve done enough grocery orders this past week that I have a bunch of credits for restaurant orders. Seriously, like $40 credits or something. I don’t know how they work, but that might cheer me up. I’d have to look at my budget to see if I can afford it.

I guess I’ll stop this here. My grocery order is on the way. Once that gets here I’ll figure out dinner and then work on posting my chapter.

[feuilletonette]

𝐈𝐍𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐀𝐋 𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐆𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃: 𝐑𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐠𝐧𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐁𝐥𝐨𝐜𝐤𝐚𝐠𝐞

The months that followed my initial attempt in shifting were marked by a sense of stagnation. Despite my best efforts to immerse myself with the very concept, my endeavors on platforms like the Amino app proved to be more overwhelming than enlightening.

It became increasingly clear that my tendency to overconsume information was serving as the main blockage of my journey.

Driven by an insatiable thirst to know everything, I found myself constantly seeking out new resources and methods. Yet, as the volume of information continued to mount, I became paralyzed by indecision. The sheer magnitude of options left me feeling lost and unsure of where to begin. Although I had subscribed to various methods and techniques, I struggled to muster the energy to follow through them. The weight of my own expectations and the fear of failure loomed large, sapping my motivation and leaving me feeling drained.

I was trapped in a mindset of constantly seeking more knowledge and acquiring various items to aid in my shifting journey. Whether it was the need to attain crystals that would help me clear the blockages, reading everything I could about the multiverse theory and quantum physics, or tools like Draco’s wands and Slytherin rings, or posters or scented candles that smells like my dorm in Hogwarts—all for the sake to feel more connected.

But this is the case, this is the problem I was trying to make. It was loop of dissatisfaction down the bits such as perfecting my scripting before attempting to do anything else, and that meant reading through every fanfiction recommendations to know more about these characters and immersing myself with Great Britain’s culture to have the best, perfect reality, operating as if the entire universe I wanted to go to wasn’t already established. It was not hard to formulate a conclusion that my approach was extremely counterproductive.

At this point (Year 2021), moreover, I still harbour unhealthy affections for Draco Malfoy but it is also the same year people who initially attempted to shift for him (and succeeded) experienced insurmountable shame upon having to try it the first place. It made me question things and affected me more than I expected, especially for someone like me who considers him as their significant other in my own DR.

That is when I took a break, being occupied with the new transition of having to switch cities and entering a prestigious school, adjusting to the ‘new’ normal world as it was addressed before. So, I took my time and the opportunity to confront my own issues. It was in this process I outgrown a lots of things (even Draco himself) but it seemed that shifting isn’t one of them.

Now that I recognise that I was operating under the clutches of my limiting belief that I was not doing enough had led me to a significant breakthrough that just didn’t happen overnight. It was a tedious process before I’ve come to understand that this feeling originated from my tendency to attach my self-worth with my external achievements, possessions, and therefore, validation.

It took me years being exposed to devastating situations not directly linked in this context but a necessary means for my spiritual growth to eradicate this subconscious checklist in my mind that constantly indulge me to the things I once believed I must accomplish or obtain before I can truly succeed in my endeavours.

I have several attempts past forward the first night I tried to shift, some were not so much prat about but some I knew, deep in my core that had been so close and those were several. But because my mindset at that period was in a constant creation of a never-ending cycle of feeling inadequate, always chasing after something elusive to prove my worthiness, I wasn’t in alignment to the person I want to become and therefore the experiences along with it.

Though, I must admit, being introduced to traversing alternate realms has been a significant catalyst for my spiritual journey. Had I not dared to question my preconceived notions about this concept back in 2021, I wouldn’t have ventured into others that have followed: the manifestation and the law of attraction in which my journey had been in conjunction with each other as I progressed ever since.

I couldn’t stress enough how amazed I am to see how each step I take on this path leads to new insights and revelations, expanding my consciousness and deepening my connection to the universe. I had grown so much, I have come to want different things. It was almost ridiculous to think about it now that I am able to lift my perspective from the version of myself I have already—if not in the process to—shed.

But if you must ask, had I reach the end? Even though I do recognise them now, it doesn’t necessarily mean that I had already eradicated the beliefs that no longer serve the woman I am becoming. That is why I made this blog to further elaborate and document the process I am going through in which I have grown to love. It’s not in anyway perfect, but there is much more ease, compassion, and recognition of worth in my part.

Along with the relationships I look forward to foster in my new DR, that requires much more involvement from the Marauders. As cliché as this may sound, I feel wiser, more capable, and more at ease to let go because I know that regardless of the variables, it will eventually happen.

© FEUILLETONETTE, 2024

[blossom-to-be]

12/27/2023

I'm writing all of this down before the end of the year so I can set my intentions for the upcoming year. I want to have this to look back onto and hopefully be able to check everything off as completed.

I want to spend this next year bettering myself physically and mentally. I have made HUGE strides in the past few years with all of that but I know there is still so much more work to do.

I am a stay at home mom now. I am up and down off the ground and couch. Bending over and picking up constantly. I have a bad back but I know that a lot of that has to do with my weight. I am already making some strides with this. I am doing OatsOvernight to drink when I'm up at 7 and rely on that to keep me full through 12 or 1. This has been doable. The flavors are amazing and the selection is quite large so I think I can sustain this.

Currently, my back is acting up so I'm working on that to heal up. When I'm finally feeling a bit better, I plan to dedicate time at least 2-3 days a week (if not more) to doing my PT exercises. I spent all that time, energy, and money going to PT, now I just need to stick with it and implement that in my life. The exercises along with going on walks will hopefully help my energy and abilities overall.

I'm going to start watching my portions. This is going to be a HUGE task for me. I have already reached out to join Overeaters Anonymous. I haven't done too much with that just yet as I did a few things last night but I'm setting that ball in motion. I'm dedicated to getting my overeating under control. It's a problem I have been struggling with for so long and a lot of the time I feel like food controls my life. It should NOT be like this. I know this and that's what I'm working to overcome.

This segues into my mental health. Going to OA and finding support there is super important in changing my mind around about food. I am also contemplating finding a behavioral therapist to help me with some intrusive thoughts I've been having. My hormones are still getting under control from the pregnancy and subsequent breast feeding but I'm keeping an eye on my thoughts to try and make sure I'm not getting to a dark place. So far I have been able to put those thoughts to the side and move past them when I think them but it's still pretty tough.

I am also getting massages at least once a month. That will help with my physical self but being able to shut off and just be present. It's a nice and relaxing time to just be. I'm trying to get more in touch with myself. I have never truly felt like I knew myself and the self I do know, I don't particularly like.

I have purchased a tarot deck and an oracle deck. I'm still in the early stages of using them but I'm taking this as a chance to open my mind even more. I'm hoping that these tools will help me find guidance when I need it. I bought a journal to track my readings and reflect on them now and in the future. With this spiritual journey, I'm opening myself up to God. I was raised Catholic and I still do consider myself to be. We've been attending a Lutheran church here and there. We haven't been recently but life has been busy especially one with a one year old. They do stream online so I'm hoping to catch a few of those and maybe try to reconnect to a closeness with God. I know that He is the reason I am where I am and have the things I have and I want to open myself up to being a good person and if that means dedicating time and energy to God then that's where life is guiding me. I simply don't know at this point but I'm excited to find out!

I'm hoping to learn a lot about myself this year. I'm wanting to learn more about myself, both mind and body. I'm switching things up with this blog and I want to sort of use this as a diary. Something I can look back on and see my thoughts and how I've been changing. I'm doing this for me and if I can find other people through this platform to help me or who I can help, then that's even better.

[thetenthdoctorscompanion]

For the Christmas prompt thingy! Honestly I'll take all the help I can get getting into the holiday spirit. (I literally just got back from seeing the nutcracker for the 1st time ever and while i loved it, still nothing as far as holiday cheer goes😔)Obviously you know which one of your oc couples is my favorite and i never get tired of(S+C(+E)), but if you want a break from them, I also accept Dean and Kat or Stiles and Sadie. Any # tbh but 3, 7 or 10 caught my eye. I appreciate the help 😅🎄

I know that this took me until Christmas Eve-Eve, but I hope that it still gives you a little boost. I knew exactly which one I wanted to do as soon as you sent this.

iv. taking their time picking the tree

Christine had experienced almost every kind of Christmas she could imagine. She’d had years where she and her dad had just gone to the movies and eaten Chinese food. She’d had years where she went to a big Christmas party thrown by whatever company her dad was working for that year. She’d had Christmases where they decided to skip Christmas and try to recreate Hannukah the way her mother would’ve done it. Big Christmas, small Christmas, or no Christmas—Christine didn’t have a lot of expectations.

This year, though, she knew things would be different.

Once everything in Hawkins had settled and healed, once she’d finally grabbed her diploma without being eaten by an interdimensional monster, Christine left Indiana behind for MIT. Moving to Massachusetts might’ve been bittersweet if she hadn’t taken so much of Hawkins with her. It was hard to miss home when she was sharing an apartment with Eddie and Steve.

There hadn’t been much debate about the situation. Both boys cared more about Christine than anything keeping them in Hawkins—except Wayne, who Eddie called pretty much every day. He worked for cash at the local mechanic, Steve climbing his way to up to assistant manager at a nearby movie theater. They split rent and groceries three ways, which meant Christine was saving loads on room and board. It also meant spending every day with two of her favorite people.

Most days it was a little slice of heaven.

Today, it was decidedly not.

“Will you two stop arguing?” Christine begged. “My feet are about to freeze in these boots.”

“I’ll stop arguing when Eddie takes his head out of his ass,” Steve complained. He had his arms folded over his chest, giving Eddie a stern look. “We’re not getting this one. Pick something else.”

“No,” Eddie said stubbornly. “Why would I pick something else when we could have this beauty of a tree?”

“Because this beauty of a tree isn’t going to fit through the door, let alone in the living room. It’s about three feet too tall.”

“Wha—no, it’s not.” Eddie scoffed, struggling to hold the tree upright as another gust of wind blew through the lot. “Okay, it’s tall, but once they do a fresh cut on the bottom and we trim the top—”

“Dude, they’d have to cut the damn thing in half! We’re not buying it!”

Eddie swore and dropped the tree back against the fence, which creaked dangerously under the weight. “Well we’re not buying that shrimp of a tree that you picked out. Why the fuck would we get a three-foot Christmas tree?”

“Because it’s practical,” Steve said for the hundredth time. “The apartment’s already too small for us and, unless the tree’s gonna pay rent, I’m not letting it take up a quarter of the living room.”

“It’s for one month, Harrington. Don’t be a Scrooge.”

“Hilarious. Have you even read that?”

“What, because you have?”

“Guys, stop,” Christine pleaded. “Can’t we just split the difference and get a five-foot?”

“No,” the boys replied in unison.

Christine whined and snuggled further into her winter coat. They’d been standing in the tree lot for almost an hour, but with the wind chill, it felt like four. Even with two pairs of socks, her boots, her gloves, her sweater, scarf, coat, and hat, Christine could feel her blood starting to crystalize in her veins. Eddie seemed to be impervious to the cold, merely adding a hat and gloves to his usual ensemble of ripped jeans and flannel. Steve was bundled up in his peacoat, but he was so irritated that his anger was doing a better job of keeping him warm.

She knew, in theory, why they were having this argument. Steve had grown up with an over-the-top Christmas every year, a tree larger than God in his living room. Eddie never had that opportunity. In the trailer with Wayne, the most they ever did was hang up twinkle lights in the living room. This year, in their own apartment, they had a chance to do Christmas their way. They just couldn’t decide what their way was going to be.

“I still say we get a fake tree,” Steve huffed. “It’s less money in the long run and—”

“Over my dead body, Harrington.”

“Oho—we’re getting there, Munson!”

“Come on, angel, back me up here,” Eddie said, turning his puppy eyes to Christine.

“We’re not getting a fake tree,” she sighed. Eddie punched the air in victory and Steve groaned, sour until she added, “Because if we get a fake tree, it means I’ve been standing here for an hour freezing my ass off for no reason. I literally do not care what kind of tree we get. So help me, God—you two are gonna pick a tree, strap it to the car, and take me home before I take that seven-footer and shove it up your ass.”

“Wow, okay, uh…” Steve scratched the back of his neck sheepishly. “Which one of us?”

“Both of you,” she growled, “one on each end.”

The boys winced, then exchanged a look of resignation. Eddie shrugged and tipped his head to the side, a silent “you heard her” to Steve. Steve pursed his lips and looked around the lot one last time before he folded.

“We’re not doing anything bigger than six feet. And you’re vacuuming, Munson! If there’s a single needle in the carpet come January—”

“Then you can use me as a tree topper next year,” Eddie said, hand over his heart. “Aye-aye, Captain.”

“Oh, fuck you, Munson.”

“That’d be great, thanks.” Eddie winked as walked around Christine, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her back into his chest. The boy was like a furnace, heat radiating through her layers as he kissed the top of her head. “But I think we have to thaw-out the princess first.”

[0funsite0]

Only Teens 3

Warnings: teen pregnancy, bullying, blood, mentions of hospital, panic (oh boy, what’s happening?)

Wordcount: 3.2K

~

- Alright! I'll print these pictures out for you, and yes, I'll make extra copies for you Jungkook. - Dr. Kim giggled along with the both of you, but a second later his tone became much more serious. - However, here are a couple of things I'd like to suggest for the remainder of your pregnancy, Y/n, and Jungkook.

You instantly tensed up. You knew teenage pregnancies carried a higher risk usually. But you've been doing everything in your power to prevent possible complications. You were scared to hear what Dr. Kim had to say.

- I assume you know how pregnancies, where the mother is under the age of 20, carry higher risks. - he glanced at your concerned expression. - Don't worry, Y/n. There are just a couple of things you need to be cautious of. Both you and baby seem healthy, however, you are a little underweight. This is due to the harsh vomiting you've been experiencing even now at 28 weeks. This may affect the baby's birth weight. To prevent that I, unfortunately, have to prescribe you medication you'll have to take until our next appointment. Then we'll decide if you'll have to continue taking them.

He scribbled a word on a piece of sticky note and handed it to Jungkook who stared at it confused.

- Uhh... what does it say exactly?

Dr. Kim chuckled and took the paper from your boyfriend's hand. He handed it back to him, this time with nicely curved, big, printed letters.

- Py-ri-do-xine. - he read it out slowly. - Ah! Thank you.

- Of course. These are B6 supplements. I also suggest you try things with ginger content, such as BIO ginger candy, ginger tea, and ginger ale... Whatever works best.

- Thank you, Dr. Kim. - you smiled while cleaning the gel off of your 7-month bump with a paper towel.

- Now, after you feel like the supplements are working try increasing the amount of food you consume a day. But only do that slowly, step by step. And see you at our next appointment in a month. - he smiled.

~

- You walk like a penguin. - Jungkook giggled as he led you to his car.

- That's not funny, Jungkook! - you said on the verge of tears.

- But you are the cutest little penguin ever! - he looked at your sad face and saw how you were fighting back tears. - Oh, baby, please don't cry... I didn't mean it in a hurtful way.

He opened the door for you and held out a hand to help you get in the passenger's seat. All you did was push him away, slam the door and open it again for yourself. He just stood there and rolled his eyes before walking over to his side and getting in as well.

- It isn't funny regardless! You don't know how much I'm suffering to carry this baby. I waddle because there is a sudden couple of pounds on my front.

- Love, you know I-

- Don't talk to me! - you cut him off.

- How about-

- No!

- Alright, then I guess I'm gonna eat two huge cones of ice cream all alone, without you...

You looked at him like a pouting child who got scolded for eating too much chocolate at once.

- So, - he started. - Do you want to get ice cream after I pick up your medicine from the pharmacy?

- Okay... - you turned away and buckled your seatbelt and Jungkook moved the strap under your stomach so it didn't hurt either of you when he hits the break.

~

Jungkook bought your medication as well as a couple of bags of ginger lollies and candies you can munch on throughout the day.

After he was done with that, he pulled up in front of your guys' favorite ice cream place. He walked over to your side, where you were struggling to get out of your seat. You gladly took your boyfriend's helping hand. His arms laced around your waist and gently lifted you from your sitting position.

He giggled at your cuteness.

- Stop that! - you wined.

- Sorry...

~

- I can't eat anymore... - you wined with a half-eaten ice cream in your hand.

- Oh come on, Y/n! I know you can!

- Baby's taking up a lot of space in my tummy, I can't fit this big ass dessert in there as well.

- Well we need to work on that then! - he caressed your cheeks. He only now began to realize your cheekbones began to stand out more. - You need to start eating more. For you, for baby.

- Jungkook, I don't want you to think I've been starving myself.

- I know you haven't.

- I just keep throwing everything back up but believe me when I say I absolutely love this baby. And I'm doing everything possible to make sure they are healthy and growing perfectly.

- I know, baby! You've been doing an amazing job with growing our baby, and-

- Is that Jungkook and Y/n?

You heard a gossiping voice from somewhere in the distance.

- They definitely are... - another voice could be heard. - I haven't seen them since winter break started.

- Jessica was right, she is pregnant! Look at her belly!

-If I were her I'd be so ashamed of myself for falling pregnant at 17... not walk around town with my belly out...

You instantly zipped your pullover up in hopes of covering some of your obvious baby bump.

Jungkook embraced you tight. One hand around your waist, making sure not to smear his ice cream into your clothes, and the other at the back of your head, bringing it to his chest. He swayed with you from side to side.

Your shoulders jumped because of your sobs.

- Shhh, baby... Don't listen to them, okay? They have nothing... they are nothing... But you... you are the whole world... to me and to baby!

~

The winter break was quickly coming to an end. You were sad for multiple reasons. One, you spent every day with Jungkook unbothered and without worries - almost... Now, you'll have to be separated from him for most of the day, since there were only very few classes you had together. Second, even if the whole school didn't already know about your pregnancy, it would be impossible to hide it now. Your 30-week bump wasn't something you could easily hide behind one of Jungkook's or Jin's hoodies.

- Good morning, Мила! (sweetheart) - your dad treated you from the kitchen.

- Good morning, Pa! Where is Mom?

- She went for her morning jog.

Of course...

She's been doing this since the day she found out about the baby. She gets out of the house every morning to avoid being in your "pregnant ass' presence" - as she said. That hurt you a lot and added up to your stress. Stress you didn't need at all.

- How are you feeling? - your father's voice dragged you out of your thoughts.

- Scared. - you admitted.

Your father was like your rock during your pregnancy. You could tell him anything and he didn't make you feel ashamed of talking about what was happening to your body, or how his grandchild is doing.

- Why is that?

- I'm just scared of school and the people there. They already know and now that it's evident... - you ran a hand over your bump. - ... everyone is going to be staring at me and talking about me.

- I know it's hard, Мила! - he hugged you. - But I know you are strong and will be able to get through all that, right.

You nodded.

- And besides, if you stick with Jimin, Taehyung, and Jungkook, they will for sure protect you. - he giggled, thinking about how protective Jungkook and your best friends are of you.

They are truly my blessings.

- Here, I made you breakfast. - he helped you sit down at the table.

He made you an avocado toast and one with ham and tomatoes on it.

- Thank you, Pa! - you began munching on the avocado one.

- Of course. - he set a glass of water in front of you with two tablets of your B6 supplements. - Is the medication working?

- It looks like it. I only threw up twice since I began taking them.

- I'm happy to hear that! But just to be safe, put ginger candy in your backpack, okay?

- I already put them in.

- Alright then. - he pressed a kiss on the top of your head. - I'm gonna head out to work. Have a nice day, Мила!

- Have a nice day, Pa!

~

- What's up, whale? - Jin laughed while sprinting down the stairs.

- Who? - you angrily turned in your seat, finishing the rest of your toasts.

- Whale. You. You look like a whale!

He continued chuckling at his humor. He didn't realize how his words had hurt you until you slammed the chair against the table while standing up.

- THAT ISN'T FUNNY!!!

- Oh my God, chill, Y/n. - he put his hands up in front of him. - I was just kidding.

- You're a jerk!

- Okay, do you want this jerk to give you a ride, or not?

- No!

- Then how will you get to school?

- I'll... walk. - you whispered, knowing how ridiculous that sounded.

- Hahahaha! As if! - he burst into loud laughter. - Come on! Get in the car.

~

The drive went by in silence. You were mad at him for commenting on your weight and appearance.

- Y/n... You know I didn't mean it like that...

- I know, I'm sorry...

- What are you sorry for? - he was surprised.

- For lashing out at you like that. I know it wasn't nice of me to yell at you.

- Oh, sis! - he leaned over the armrest and hugged you. - You don't have to apologize... You're pregnant I should've known better than to piss you off like that.

- I love you, Jin! Thank you for the ride.

- I love you too, little sis. - he leaned down to the level of your stomach. - And you two, little niece, or nephew. - he looked at you curiously. - What's the gender?

- Jin! I told you one hundred times! We. Don't. Know. Yet.

- Why?

- Baby is shy... - you smiled. - He or she is always in a position where Dr. Kim can't tell.

- I bet it's a girl then.

You heard the bell ring from the distance.

- You better get going!

- Bye!

~

You were nervous... Extremely nervous.

You waddled your way to your first class and already saw the judging glares you received. You were wearing stretchy leggings that comfortably fit around your bump and Junkook's most oversized hoodie. That still wasn't quite enough to hide the changes in your body. You were even holding your notebooks in front of your belly.

What's the point? They already know anyway...

Eventually, you made your way to the door of the classroom and took a deep breath before you opened it. You were alone in this class. No Jimins, no Taes, and definitely no Jungkooks...

I'm so, so scared!

- Look who decided to show up!

You got startled and jumped back slightly at the cold, sarcastic voice. You looked around the room and realized the voice didn't come from a professor. Mr. Han-gyeol was late, as usual...

- Come, take a seat if you can!

What do they mean by that?

You slowly approached your usual desk. You observed your chair carefully, expecting it to be either broken on smeared with glue. But nothing...

As you attempted to sit down, you realized the desks in front and behind yours were pushed so close to you, that there was no chance you could fit between the desk and your chair.

You gulped and everyone burst into laughter.

- Guys, look! She can't fit! - someone shouted. - The “skinny actress” is too fat to fit in her seat!!!

Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry...

Not here...

You looked down, fighting with tears.

- C-can someone p-please help m-me make some space? - you asked in a low voice.

No one paid attention to your request.

Except...

- I'll help!

Ana... thank you!

Ana was the biggest nerd in your class - as the others called her. She was shy and quiet, but very smart and kind-hearted.

- I'll do it, okay? Don't lift. - she told you.

- What? She's disabled now? - the bullies asked, still laughing.

You didn't say anything, just thanked Ana for her generousness and took your seat.

To your relief, Mr. Han-gyeol entered, which meant there weren't any more mean comments toward you.

~

All your classes went by like that... almost. Literature was a bliss. Not Just because it was your favorite subject.

You sat in your seat followed by Jungkook, who reserved the seat right next to you behind the desk. Not long after that Jimin and Jungkook showed up too. The four of you made a well-thought-out little formation in your seats with Jungkook and Taehyung sitting on either side of you and Jimin right behind you, so Jihoon couldn’t put gum in your hair like he did a month ago.

Back then, exactly before the winter break, nobody knew about your pregnancy. You hid it well. But when you accidentally dropped your sonogram picture on the floor with Jihoon sitting behind you, and you struggled to bend down to pick it up, he put two and two together.

- Is this yours? - he laughed.

- Give it back, please!

- Wait a sec...

With that, he ripped the picture in half right in the middle.

It’s fine, it’s fine... Jungkook has a copy of that... - I kept calming myself.

- Hello fuckface!

- Hi to you too Tae...

- Wow, Y/n you are never so calm with me! - Jungkook protested.

- Baby daddies get what they deserve. - Jimin said.

- Good for me... - your boyfriend rolled your eyes and you giggled.

The teacher entered the room and started his speech. It was boring... as usual. Your bladder was filling rapidly despite the lack of fluids that entered your body. Your doctor wouldn’t be happy.

15 more minutes... you have to bare that much!

- Mrs. Jung, can I use the restroom? - that’s for that.

The old woman looked you up and down with a judgemental stare.

- Go ahead...

- Thank you.

You got up with minor difficulties and headed to the bathroom. You got into one of the cramped cabins. You struggled to even turn, that’s how tiny it was. Well... maybe it was the very evident bump that grew on your front.

You pulled down your pants and underwear. That’s when you spotted...

Fuck!

Oh no no no no!!!

Blood.

Luckily not a lot of it and it was only on the sanitary pad, but bleeding was never good during pregnancy. Actually, you were aware that a little amount of bleeding in the third trimester was okay, but it still scared you. Especially with your risk of going into early labor. And...

Shit!

You didn’t have your phone on you.

You finished your business, cleaned off your pad with some toilet paper, and exited the restroom.

As you entered the classroom all eyes were on you, but you were used to it. You slowly took your place between the boys and seamlessly whispered into Jungkook’s ear:

- There’s some blood on my pad.

He looked at you with eyes full of fear and looked into yours, then down to your stomach and back to your eyes again.

- Are you in pain?

- Just light cramping but I think that was because of them moving around.

Taehyung and Jimin caught up to your back-and-forth whisper session and you could sense how tense they had become.

- I read light bleeding is normal at this stage. - you tried to calm him despite your worried state.

- I don’t care, Y/n! We’re going to the hospital.

- Kids, shut up for these remaining 8 minutes for God’s sake! - Mrs. Jung scolded.

- Actually, Mrs. Jung, Y/n isn’t feeling good. Can you please excuse us?

- You and your excuses... - but in the end, she nodded.

You packed your stuff, promised the boys to update them later, and headed to the door with Jungkook right behind you carrying both of your bags and with one of his hands on the small of your back.

Before exiting the teacher muttered something, clearly addressed to you:

- Should’ve kept your legs closed...

You were fighting tears as you walked down the corridor.

Meanwhile, Jungkook’s anxiety rose and he struggled to keep his breathing under control. You felt a similar rush of emotions in you.

Firstly hurt, because of all the bullying from both students and teachers, and secondly worry. Worry for your child’s safety. Minor cramps were forming in your back and lower stomach which didn’t ease your concerns.

- Sit down and stay here while I get the car. - Jungkook instructed you since he parked far from the entrance.

You did just as he told you.

It only took him a couple of minutes to get there. He got out of the vehicle, guided you to the passenger seat's door, and gently lowered you down on it. Before you were completely sat on the soft material you glanced at him and asked:

- Shouldn't we put something under me so I don't stain the seat?

- You said it wasn't that much...

- Just in case? - your voice cracked.

- Shhh... - he kissed the top of your head and lowered you to sit. - Don't worry about that.

He was so good at calming you, but not himself. His trembling hands were something you couldn’t miss as he gripped the steering wheel.

- Owww... - you whimpered as the cramps became more intense and moved from your back to the bottom of your belly.

This wasn’t good... Not one bit. You read on the internet labor can start with subtle pain in the back or thighs as the contractions began, not necessarily in your stomach.

But that can’t be! You were only 30 weeks pregnant. You knew the risk of this happening, but for it to be this early? You have never imagined.

- W-we’re a-almost there! - Jungkook tried calming you.

But it wasn’t working anymore.

- It hurts, Kookie! - tears streamed down your cheeks.

- I know b-baby! You’re g-gonna be okay. Both o-of you.

Barely 6 months ago you were terrified. You weren’t happy about this baby. You wished it never existed. But now... now you were praying she would survive and be with you until the last breath you take. You grew so attached to their little movements behind the thin layer of skin that kept her separated from this cruel world.

My little baby

The last thing you saw was your love’s panicked expression, his delicate features as they held signs of fear.

And then everything went black.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/n: So... here is chapter 3! I know it took a looooot of time and I’m so sorry. I kind of got lazy so it’s not that I don’t have time (which I don’t but that isn’t the main factor that kept me from writing) it’s simply the will and motivation I’m lacking :(

But recently so many of you liked, reposted, and recommended my stories and that gave me wings!

So thank you to everyone who has supported me!

Ps.: I haven’t reread it to check for mistakes so I’m sorry about that. I just really wanted to get this out ASAP! <3 <3 <3

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