#me after 1.5: whoa

[bananakeiky]

Trailblazers Stelle and March would like to battle!

instagram | carrd

[violetvelourr]

How long I have been doing art

People occasionally ask me how long I’ve been drawing and that question gets me utterly confused 😅 um, probably since I remember myself?.. 😅

First of all, big reveal. I’m old. Much older than you probably ever guessed. Because I’ve been doing digital art since 2003, and I was not exactly a toddler at that point, he-he. Don’t ask me my age though – I’m still a lady and I consider it impolite 🤭 but that might actually answer the questions of many teenagers why I don’t particularly interact much 🙈

So anyways, now we have settled my “art career” span. But saying “I began doing digital art in 2003” – well… I don’t want to do that, because people will be like, “whoa, 20 years”?! And will freak out at such a prospect – 20 years to get to my level, which is, frankly speaking, far from professional. Not to mention that before digital art I also drew traditionally quite a bit.

But the main reason is because “doing digital art since 2003” does not equal “for 20 years”.

How about we revisit these years and look closer at my digital art journey? I can’t promise that I will recall everything 100% accurately, but I’ll do my best.

So around 2003-2004 I tried drawing in Photoshop for the first time. It was an image of a lion, and to be honest, to this day I’m hella proud of myself.

Yes, first attempt. Yes, I drew with a freaking mouse!

My second piece from the same year span is the “Dancer”. oh yes, the remakable hepatitis skin tone 🙈

To be honest, I don’t recall having a drawing tablet that long ago, I'm quite sure I got it only in 2008, but looking at it, despite its flaws, I can hardly believe I drew that using a mouse… I’m not sure, it’s a mystery. The Lion was definitely a mouse artwork.

From thereon I abandoned digital art for a while due to studying, then work, and finally online RPGs…

In 2008 I posted my first digital WIP after a 5 year break.

Oh my gosh... Remind me to never try realism again, clearly not my thing 🙈

I think I was trying to draw an avatar for myself, which doesn’t exactly justify drawing a woman aged probably around 40 🙈 I was not that old!! As far as I can see from my journal, that artwork crashed and only this snippet of it was what I had left. I think it’s for the good. I ended up commissioning the avatar from a proper artist, ha-ha…

Over the span of 2 months I posted 5 more digital art pieces, none of them ever completed actually 🙈 And yes, behold how ugly they are...

My ambitions were growing faster than my skills were improving. The piece with the couple with that naked girl is my special pain because I even attended a digital art course by an amazing artist I was really looking up to back then – Anry – to try and finish this piece, but I failed miserably. I was the only person in that course (5 day 12hr/day intense course) out of 15 people who came “just for fun” – the rest were pursuing a professional digital illustrator career.

This is what I left off with after that course.

In this collage you see on the left what I came with, the middle – what the teacher did after I explained my concept, and on the right – my attempt to take the piece to its final form. But I could never accept that the base was made for me and not by me...

It still grips my heart when I look at it because it was one of my greatest fails. I think that to die peacefully, I need to finish this artwork 😆 If anyone is curious about the story behind this artwork, I’ll post it separately.

Anyway, as I said, I didn’t reach my goal, was hugely disappointed in myself and dropped digital art in April 2008.

However, I came back 1.5 years later, in November 2009, when I got into anime 😂

I think that’s also when I first tried Paint Tool SAI. Up until March 2012, I uploaded roughly 20+/- digital artworks/WIPs. The quality was a bit inconsistent, but I was beginning to get the hang of it a bit, finally. Here are some of them (yeah, the span of the mood is extraordinary):

So, in 2.5 years – merely 20 artworks. Just to compare, in 2022 alone I made 75+ artworks, which doesn’t even include animations and stuff I considered to not be proper artworks.

So, my last artwork from that period was in March 2012 (the one with the winged dude blocking the way for the girl), after which I abandoned digital art again, for good this time. I actually thought - forever, to be honest.

I’m not sure what happened then. I guess I just lost my motivation, got over my fictional crushes, was depressed and not happy with myself…

Problem is that in reality, I don’t have any imagination at all. Part of the reason why I always suspected that despite being quite decent in drawing, I would never succeed as an artist, so I could only say that my dream was to draw for Disney. But I knew I never would. And I knew I can’t do original art. Fan arts – yes, subject to being highly inspired, a feeling similar to a crush. I was too dependent on the mood. But even so… my artworks never were particularly fancy or original, I admit it.

Part of the reason why I’m also so sensitive about AI now. I see people actually living my dream, and I'm so happy for them. Working as illustrators, having an income from what they create... And that is being stolen from them now. That’s why I will probably never accept AI.

Ugh, turned off the subject…

Anyway, as I said, I abandoned art in 2012 and only picked it back up in October 2021 because of Kakashi. 😆

If my math is correct, that’s a 9.5 year break. I have been going non-stop since October 2021, so I would say that my ongoing artistic journey lasts for almost 2 years now. The previous 2-year period with 20 artworks – I’m not really sure about the value of that. The previous 7 digital artworks – even more so.

If I had to sum up my entire digital art journey, – I would say it is around 5–6 years, but in reality probably won’t add up even to 3 years, because the 3 years adding up from a bit of 2003, a bit of 2008 and bits of 2009-2012 had me produce only around 30 artworks, a majority of which were never even completed.

My main progress happened between 2021 and now, so in the last 2 years. And to be honest, I understand that if I am to continue - this is only the beginning...

[eatnightmares]

1.5 faulkner has dad issues and turns a guy into a crab about it and carpenter hayward best friendship begins yay :) (glad this one is a lowkey one to ease me back in after the finale...)

nvm i got emotional over how stupid he is (affectionate. agonized)

600 mental illnesses in one go he's going for the record right out the gate

AGAIN. THEY LOVE TO DROP INSANE LORE AND NEVER SPEAK OF IT AGAIN. IDR THEM EVER MENTIONING HIS MOM WHAT HAPPENED........

You Can't Say That Right Now

something about the only person of the faith they actually find being an artist living by himself... "degenerate" stuff... :(

CROWD CHEERING THAT'S THE LINE!!!!!! B NAUR THE ACTOR YOU ARE

Man. Man. Man.

FUCK BABE YOU SURE ARE

THE BESTIESSSSSSSSS

WHOA HE'S BISEXUAL I DIDN'T KNOW THAT (of course that line isn't in the actual audio 😔)

...ok hayward fake divorce jokes over i'm insane again. it's like you're tangled up in barbed wire s3 carpnfaulk isms. no escape is truly clean but at least once you've fled you don't have to look at the mess. walk on until you're lost to me. i keep on watching him, that tiny sodden shape, even as he's lost to me. if we get far enough there'll be a time when i get to watch them walk away. Whatever.

love the padlock bridge story i think of it every time i see one... "it was just feeding as it pleased. love eats us all." LOVE EATS US ALL!!!

some small part of yourself that betrays you...

hayward being sooooo bitchy to them but not actually doing anything cause he has no evidence. bad at his job king!

contender for funniest episode ending of the series. carp and faulk are both so stupid and also bad at their jobs but faulkner is so much more pathetic about it "🥺sister carpenter i frew up 🥺"

[wench-and-jezebel]

NCIS Reaction: Minimum Security

Wench (@scripted-downfall) reacts.  At a later time period, and without having seen Wench’s reaction, Jezebel (@typicalopposite) reacts.  Comparisons may be made as a result.

“If my old man finds out I’ve been biking with you, he’ll kill us both” “I’ll get you a ride.”  Sounds like they might not just have been biking, if’n ya know what I mean.

[“Don’t get your thong in a twist”]

“What if he doesn’t stop?”  “Oh, he’ll stop.”  Buddy, I’m not sure I’d be so certain about that

Ohhhhh, the poor bike :(((( 

I understand him being pissed about the bike, for real.

That doesn’t change the fact that the guy’s already dead, I bet y- [Aghhhhh’ ☠️☠️☠️  Well he ain’t gonna be wishing shit lol]  WHAT DID I SAY!!!  (Should I start keeping a prediction counter?  I think I should.  Prediction Success: 1)

[Aight imma say it. Gibbs is handsome.  There I said it.  Add it to my weird list]  I don't get this one, but that's not much of a surprise to me these days alksdjf  [Idk it’s his smile. Kinda Tom cruise-y but 🤷🏻‍♀️]

I love the sections of the intro belonging to Tony and Abby.  His lil wave?  Her lil jump?  So cute.

Blegh.  BLEGHHHH.  “RUN THE GUT FOR ME.”  BLEH.

Ducky’s assistant’s name is Gerald, btw.

If not gallbladder stones, then… Diamond smuggler?

“They’re stones, doc.”  Diamonds looking possible.

Oh, come on!!!  EMERALDS???? 

[Emeralds.  Well shit]

I’m so annoyed now.  I think diamonds should count.  The point was there; “gemstones” was the correct answer.  I just didn’t get the exact gem right.  Hmph.  Now I’m unhappy.  You know what?!  I got the gemstone part right, so.  (Prediction Success: 1.5)

I also got the smuggling part right, so… (Prediction Success: 2.5)

[God I’m glad Tony brought his hair back forward.  The slicked back wasn’t it.] Agree.

Tony being linguistically pedantic makes me happy; I relate

TONY BEING SO HAPPY ABOUT GOING TO CUBA MAKES ME SO HAPPY TOO!!!  HIS CACKLE?!!?!  MY BELOVED. [Tony is so happy]  (Same Brain Cell — SBC — Count: 1)

[Sir how many times you gonna swap which way you’re wrapping that cord]

Oof, NCIS agent is involved.

“The women I date think the smell of sawdust is sexy.  That’s probably why I don’t date many women.”  Gibbs.  Ma’am.  Excuse you.  Sawdust is amazing.  The smell is awesome.  I would not date Gibbs, but the sawdust is not the issue.

All of these characters spilling Gibbs’ coffee… damn, what a waste.

“The Navy’s giving us a priority ride today.”  TONY FINALLY GETS HIS PRIVATE JET RIDE!  He looks so disbelieving; he’s adorable.

Oh.  Okay, apparently it’s not a private jet ride, and is very uncomfortable, but still.

OH.  Apparently it is a private jet ride.  HAH!

Dude, this looks like the Criminal Minds jet.  [It looks like the criminal minds plane] (SBC Count: 2)

Gibbs bemoaning the comfortable seating because it’s not uncomfortable; madam, calm yourself.  A little comfort will not harm you.

Poor Tony, keeps getting his hopes up about the trip, only to have them dashed.  Then again, the last times this happened, things were then better than he expected, so maybe he’ll get his horseback riding et al. after all!

Okay, I suppose I should have said: Oof, NCIS agent might be involved.

NO BUT TONY PULLING UP THE AIRPLANE STATS ON THE TOUCHSCREEN IS SO RELATABLE; I DO THAT ALL THE TIME.  Whenever I fly (very rare occurrence), I always stare at the air temperature and watch it change alsdkjf. Gibbs actually looked vaguely annoyed-but-endeared, and I approve.

“Anthony DiNozzo”  Whoa, we’re being fancy

[HES CHEESING SO HARD. i can’t even]

[I love her hair cut]

I know she said “there’s a map in it”, but my subtitles got cut off and it reads “there’s a man in it”

Y’all are really not being subtle, ngl.

“So, is there something going down that I should know about?” SEE?!?!?!

Wow, they were even more unsubtle than I thought.

[I half-remember this one]

That scene change was… abrupt.

I like Tony’s shirt.

Are Kate and Tony gonna bicker over room placement

I KNEW IT.  (Prediction Success: 3.5)

Kate saying Tony’s sexist in past episodes and also being the character who pulls the “I’m a woman” excuse more often than anyone to get her way

[I love Abby]

Are they still bickering over room placement

Please tell me Gibbs takes the room they were fighting over

WHAT DID I SAY; HE REALLY WENT AND DID THAT! I’M ON A ROLL (Adding two becuase they were still bickering over room placement btw.  Prediction Success: 5.5) [He took the bed with the bath I love it]  (SBC Count: 3)

[Tony.  You child.  I love it]

IGUANAAAAAA.  [Oh man, iguana]  (SBC Count: 4)

Poor Tony aksdjflkasjdf. Pulling his gun on the iguana.  [HALT]

To be fair, if I woke up with a strange lizard on my pillow, two inches away from sleep-clogged eyes, I might flip out too.  Especially since it was hissing.

[The wink at the fact Tony sleeps in the nude, though.  Kate!  You dog!]

Kinda poor Benjamin, but also.  He seems annoying.

I love Abby’s choker.  And her gloves.  (My brother bought my sister fingerless gloves and didn’t get me any and now I’m left mourning what could have been.). Abby’s are still cooler than my sister’s though.

I know this dude… OH.  HE’S THE MUSEUM CURATOR IN THE MUMMY ISN’T HE

Tony being followed by the iguana saldkfj 

[That iguana staring him down. He like what he saw in bed lol]

“Might want to keep that door shut; iguanas’ve been known to wander inside”. Yes.  Tony knows.

[Tony’s whole damn looks change with his hairstyles]

I love the word “rapport”

“Did I say both of you?”  “Well, you didn’t not say both of us.”  “She’s kinda got a point there, boss.”  The Kate-and-Tony-versus-Gibbs interaction I always knew we needed.

btw, Tony calling Gibbs “boss” is adorable

Ooh, Gibbs, why you having Kate stay, huh?

Did.  Did they just randomly time-skip from him leaving to him coming back?  I’m confused.  [Did the video time skip… did it go from Tony leaving to Tony being back]  (SBC Count: 5)

[Lord Tony’s gonna be out there dancing ☠️]

“Shane.”  “Who’s Shane?”  “Alan Ladd.”  “Who’s Alan Ladd?”  BUDDY

“Why aren’t you praying?”  Don’t assume, Ka-  WHAT DID I SAY.  “I’m Presbyterian.”

IS HE ASKING ABOUT SHANE- I LOVE IT

“Oh, you young people don’t know what good movies are.”  Speaking as a person on the younger end of the gamut while still having been raised on classics, I can attest that modern audiences have suffered in movie quality.  In my opinion, at least.

“‘Splat’ isn’t violent?”  Love you, Tony.

“Are you here to check me out?”  Flirtatiously: “Define ‘checking out.’”  I SEE YOU, TONY

Buddy’s not even subtle rn, is he?  That was blatant flirtation.

[Tony. You blew that one]

I feel like pulling out Paula has some serious risks attached.  Yeah, she might be dirty, but she might not be, and her rapport is being screwed up as a result.

Tony playing the desperate flirt at the bar over here.

[She came back]

“If you don’t like me, then why do you keep coming over here for refills.”  “I like the game.”. “Me too.”  ngl, really hoping she’s not corrupt because the banter is decent.  And since McGee isn’t in this one, I’ve gotta take the repartee where I can get it.

 BUDDY GETS HIS DANCEEEE.  Tony, I’m so proud.

OOP-  That spin was slick; Tony, I commend you

— — — 

Stopping here because we’re at a scene change for the midpoint reaction!

I confess I’ve not much to say… It very much annoys me that this show has been very guilty-until-proven-innocent, without many instances where that changes; I mean, just from what springs to mind, there was the episode where the group was convinced the kid committed suicide; the naval folks were taking drugs; and now this, the ep where they’re all assuming that Cassidy is dirty from the fact that the vic had her (his coworker’s) male in her care.  They always assume, even when it’s illogical to do so, that the obvious is factual.  And I think that’s part of why I keep making predictions to the contrary, tbh.  I want them to be wrong because I want them to face their illogic each time, instead of getting lucky.  (But, I recognize, sometimes they’ll be right even if their logic isn’t sound, so I guess that’s fair.). Anyway, I want Cassidy to be innocent because of that, even if it doesn’t make sense given the story, but I’m not making that a prediction.

Mourning McGee’s absence; appreciating Kate and Tony, and Gibbs is not bad.  On we go!

— — —

I’m cringing just thinking about swallowing those emeralds; they look sharp.

Okay, I’m sorry, but I’m vaguely suspicious of museum-curator-translater dude.  Like, ever since I saw Shutter, where Ben’s lying to Jane about what the photo shaman dude was saying?  I never trust that translators are adequately conveying the message.  Call me cynical, but ‘tis true.

Tony dancing with Cassidy is so cute, I’m sorry.

Damn, Gibbs, be even more blunt about it why don’t you; that wasn’t harsh enough

Iffy acting, but I can’t tell if it’s actress or character

She really shouldn’t just hand over her apartment keys, I’m reasonably confident.

Tony looks vaguely conflicted about having to search Cassidy’s apartment

IGUANA.  [IGUANA]  (Damn, that one was blatant; SBC Count: 6)

“You were so excited coming to Cuba and riding on the jet” It’s true, Kate, he was adorably excited.

“You were the first woman I saw on my ‘endorphin high.’”  “Yeah, well.  We work together, Tony.  It’s like a brother-sister thing.”  Ma’am clearly has not seen any of the countless films, shows, fics, and irl interactions that feature in-office romances.  

WAIT NO I’M AN IDIOT; SHE HAD AN IN-OFFICE ROMANCE?!?!?!  IN THE PILOT?!!??! MA’AM, WDYM?!?!

“You might wanna take that chip of your shoulder”  Oh, of course, no problem; of course it’s okay that you searched my mail and my apartment and so on.  Not a difficulty at all.

“He blew his chance to get laid”  Oh, come on, Cassidy, it’s not Tony’s fault.  [He blew his chance to get laid. Poor Tony ☠️]  (SBC Count: 7)

Oh, are we back to terrorists again?  How.  Unique.  [TERRORISTTTTS]  (Okay, that counts.  SBC Count: 8)

Gibbs once again being vinegar-not-honey.

DAMN ABBY YOU’RE EXPENSING A LOT I SEE  [Abby ☠️☠️ racking up a bill] (SBC Count: 9)

Tony’s hair is floppy.

Did he notice that she had “Escada” perfume?  

I KNEW IT.  (Prediction Success: 6.5)

“Horizontal salsa” alksdjf ["Horizontal salsa"]  (SBC Count: 10)

I reallyyyyy want Cassidy to be good now that they’re giving Tony so much shit for caring about her.  [Tony’s done got smitten over one dance.  Buddy. 💕 *sigh*]

“Romance between agents, Kate.  It never works.”  Sir, shush.  Even if you’re speaking from experience, that proves nothing.  You’re not exactly easy to get along with. [And the romance between agents never working is coming off as an asshole rule/thought. BUT HE ISN'T WRONG AS FAR AS THE SHOW GOES]

I know my comment about the translations was about museum-curator-guy, but I maintain that it counts as half a prediction success since Sa’id was doing exactly that: not translating the whole conversation.   (Prediction Success: 7)

Abby and Ducky, again; I love you both.

[Ducky’s mother!]

DUCKYYYYY.  OMG, SIR!?!?!?  YOU’RE HILARIOUS, YOU SCANDALOUS DOG!  [You… dog? 👀]  (SBC Count: 11)

[Easter eggs ☠️☠️]

“My cursor has moved across places that would make Tony blush.”  Not Tony looking appraising!

IGUANA.

Protective!Tony is adorable.

Jeez, Gibbs, be harsher why don’t you; that wasn’t enough.

Cassidy, I stuck up for you, and now you be mean to Tony?  To make yourself look good?  Once again, these people need to stop tearing down their fellows as a means of increasing their own status.  I’m actually getting annoyed again by this.  [Tonyyyyyyy ☹️☹️☹️  “He bought my act.”  I hateeee the sad tony eps.  There’s a few.  Be prepared.]  (Does this count as SBC?)

Poor Tony.  [Poor Tony. “She’s good.” Tony’s face. Ya I agree 💔💔]  (That does.  SBC Count: 12)

“Eyes always give you away”  Poor Tony :(  [Sass tony! Get her GET HER (Eyes always give ya away)]  (SBC Count: 13)

[And she has the AUDACITY to look at him like a kicked puppy]  Like I said.  Don’t be mean to your allies to make yourself look good.

I. Do not trust this.  I’m waiting for her to pull an Elizabeth-from-24 and not go along with the plan.  Get pissed and try to kill him, or screw up the plan.

Tbh, I’m glad that didn’t happen.  I didn’t appreciate it in 24 (only partly because it was Misha who got attacked as a result), and I wouldn’t have appreciated it here.

“There.  Right there.”  I didn’t realize this was Legally Blonde: the Musical.

I’m impressed he didn’t notice the wire yet.

Did I mention, yet?  Poor Tony.

This situation was astoundingly mishandled, ngl.  [Damn plan backfired]  

[Well the back fire backfired also]  Literally lakdsfj

Poor Tony :(((  [Tonyyyyy]  (I’m counting that one too.  SBC Count: 14)

I appreciate Kate trying to help Tony.

Also, just saying, Tony is quite dashing in the suit.

TONY.  HE FINALLY GOT TO SHOW OFF THE TECHNOLOGY TO SOMEONE WHO APPRECIATED IT!!!  My goodness, he’s so adorable.

[Well his smile’s back at least.]

And that’s a wrap!

– – –

For the endpoint reaction… Be warned that I’m writing this with a killer headache (hah, pun unintended), so I’m not sure it’s 100% coherent, and it might be a bit short.

I’m glad that Cassidy wasn’t involved because, as I’ve said, they’ve got a bad habit of having snap judgements they make at the beginning be right all the way through to the end.  Unfortunately, this was about the most logical snap judgement of the series thus far, so I’m also vaguely annoyed it wasn’t right.  I’m deciding to wash my hands of it because it’s not like the characters will actually learn, but oh, well.

The writing was decent, I suppose?  Highly, highly lost as to how the hell emerald smuggling turned into terrorists again, but… I’ve given up on trying to track it.  I will say: there’s a slight possibility that reacting simultaneously to the ep is causing me not to notice stuff?  Or to track the plot?  But I doubt it.  I’m still good with Dark Angel, after all, and following it is easy.  But I guess I’ll just wait until we watch something else to decide; I legitimately cannot be sure whether the bad writing would be a little better if I were just watching it straight.  (Pretty sure not though.)

Gibbs was an asshole again, but not enough that I’m currently fuming about it, I suppose.  Kate was good; I liked her.  Abby and Ducky continue to be awesome.  McGee was notably missing, which is sad, but oh, well.

Summary of this ep: Tony deserved better.

Final thoughts as I type the end of this reaction: The chances I don't write something about this ep… Low.

[flovverworks]

returning to ydays post so gbf spoilers for the event for sure, probably mhyk spoilers too

Morimori: But what's so wrong about forgetting? It's not his fault. And it's not Erbsu's or Nerine's either. Even the past town elders were forced to make tough decisions. Running from reality and forgetting the bad things is how we as people can live happy, treeful lives. Drusilla: Are you perhaps encouraging me? Morimori: I thought that was obvious. Even if you end up forgetting Nerine, you're not to blame.

this EXCHANGE........1) nerine's entire thing alrdy had me bawling but. i was alrdy thinking about these topics since ive been thinking about type0 again...@_@ i DO run off akira rmbring the wizards & everything, i talked about this a while back, but it IS true that arthur&co forgot the old sage's face & name almost immediately. theres a lot of fanwork too revolving around akira being forgotten/forgetting too (more strongly in the forgetting side, while forgotten rly is mostly.....name&face. points to yorushika's usotsuki for the billionth time). riquet's anni card about riquet's book.....there is sage's book, so why not make akira's book too? 1.5 with them not telling anyone what actually happened that night, and akira silently wishing that someone will one day ask them about their story. ive had this thought for soooo long too about akira writing down everything they rmbr of the wizards&their world when they return to their world, in order to not forget, in order to not lose it. 'you're not to blame' did a number on me big time

Nerine: I'm not sure why, but it feels like this sort of thing calls for more than a… thing. Drusilla: You mean a story would be better? Nerine: Whoa, how'd you know? I was going to write one as soon as I got back to the forest! Drusilla: I thought it might be worth learning from your example as well. Nerine: My example? Are you going to write a story too? Then this trip'll be great inspiration! Let's have lots of fun until the very last minute!

which essentially goes into this exchange too,,,,,T_T rather than an item, writing a story......telling a story......even if its not read by anyone, something that you can read and remember.......memories fade, stories remain, all that....

Drusilla: Sigh… All I wanted was for you to experience normal town life. Nerine: Huh? But that's impossible. I'm with you, aren't I? That makes it too special to be normal. Drusilla: …! I-I'm impressed you can say such things without even a hint of embarrassment.

akira before vs after meeting the wizards (but rly.....voicing ur feelings rather than keeping them inside....T_T

Nerine: How am I supposed to smile! I don't want to say goodbye! We haven't even eaten cake together yet! I can't believe this is the end! That I'll never see you again! Drusilla: This is the worst! I want to spend more time with you! Forget being special! Why couldn't we have met under normal circumstances!

figaros fkng mahopa. school april fools. that one chocolate meeting place vday event. theres another time where akiras like 'will i too be able to wave goodbye while smiling?' or whatever but i cant rmbr which event it is. anyway i was BAWLING

Drusilla: Thanks to Nerine, I realized something. I'm special to Nerine, and she's just as special to me. But it's not just her—the crew, my friends, and my family are all incredibly important to me. And they all have people who are important to them. Everyone is special to someone.

;_; 2nd anni............................1.5.......................pt2.............................. everyone is special to someone.......

theres admittedly also the mhyk 3rd anni website txt,,,

Even fairy tales without happy endings can one day be cherished all the same.

gggggg i wANT THE HAPPY ENDINGS THOOOOO korwa is so right for always talking about that. either way the full text talking about weaving a tale and similar,,,,i havent read that anni story still but the cards with 'capturing a moment'...T_T anyway i have an entire side thought on "happy", especially in regards to pt2 focus charas but ill get into that when pt2 is finished im so emotionally drained after this event + today.

there IS also an entire subject on the forgetting in the event in regards to gran's feelings in current msq but ill take that on gran someday. also especially the first part.....in regards to the part in 1.5 that makes it iffy whether akiras alive or not (especially considering what the Common isekai plot is)........i have thoughts regarding all that & how brad looked at akira when speaking about nova + how faust thought nova reminded them of akira in that 'u r not from here' way, but i still havent read ch17 and overall i assume theyre gonna drop the entire thing on us during pt2? so ill come back to that l8r but in general. man. this event story........im not used to being the target audience this often, last time was sui?? and before that sincerely???? 3 events within one year....waow.....

anyway im drained

[stasisarbiter]

Volume 5 of Maerwyn's adventures

- After a month long nap in an inn she's ready to get back in the saddle! - Spent a good... 1.5 hours? Just chatting with Xeno (Bylgrael) about FFXIV - Made a new friend - Got quest rewards, but now I have armor that's better, but it looks ugly and I can't see my face. - Beat up some assassins, and deep V-neck gladiator man is being framed! - Holy Little Ala Mhigo is pretty, I audibly went "whoa!" - My movement abilities have gotten worse after not playing for awhile. - Wow these Corpse Brigade guys hurt, I almost died for the first time. - I can't believe he commited sewerslide - Mylla you can do much better than him. Also I didn't mention it before but Mylla pretty. - Gridania isn't usually my type of aesthetic but boy does FFXIV make me like it - Rootslake and Camp Tranquil are super pretty and inspiring - Wandered into a fate and almost died thanks to some absurd damage and hella status debuffs from a big plant boi and some mushrooms - I just took 1004 fall damage, and I have 1007 max HP, and got dropped to 1 HP (i was probably hurt a bit) can you not die from fall damage? or was I just lucky? - Fighting with my Chocobo and Chocobo Saddlebag unlocked, I now have more inventory space! Together Jetstream and I will take on the world! - I can't find an Inn at Bentbranch Meadows so I'll have to go to a main city. I know logging out in an inn is pointless, but I like it!

Shorter log and less things done cause I spent quite a bit of time chatting with Bylgrael, but it was time well spent.

[quartzwriting]

The War of The Infinity Stones

Pairing: Doctor Strange X Fem!Reader

Description: Thanos is coming and you have an Infinity Stone to protect.

Warnings: Dusty deaths

Word Count: 2.0k

A/N: Originally posted on Quotev / This one is old, written before Endgame. Links to parts 2 and 1.5 coming soon.

Part 2: Endgame story

Part 1.5: Hypothetical Endgame (original plot)

Masterlist | Fic Reading Recs | Ao3 | Quotev | Coffee

It felt like your head was about to explode.

Okay so: aliens from space trying to wipe out half the universe, spaceship shaped like a giant donut, a billionaire playboy genius in a rocket suit and a kid with spider powers who won’t stop making pop culture references.

You were still processing it all. And you thought being in world with sorcerers and multi dimensional realities was exhausting.

“How long have they been going at it for?” The teenage boy who introduced himself to you as Peter whispered to you.

“I’m not keeping track.” You whispered back, the both of your standing away at a safe distance. Stephen and Tony had been in a heated argument for god knows how long. Their clashing egos made everything worse. You and Peter tried to speak up but they both shut you out. The entire universe was at risk and these two just needed to argue right now?

“So...you’re a witch or something?” Peter said, you could tell he was trying to ease some awkwardness between you two. Anything was better than listening to your boyfriend have an argument with his ego doppelganger.

“Sorceress.” A smile grazed your face as you made a quick motion with your hands. Sparks danced between your fingers before a small butterfly materialized. It flew over to Peter and landed on his nose, making him smile.

“That’s awesome!” Peter exclaimed, you found him absolutely adorable. “How did you get your powers?”

“Well they’re not necessarily powers. Years of study and training, anyone could do it actually.”

“Well I was bit by a spider...but I don’t think it’s as cool as what you can do.”

Suddenly there was yelling and raised voices.

“Okay I’ve had enough of this.” You let out an exaggerated sighed, and Peter could tell something was coming.

With a fast motion from your hands, you created a shockwave and sent it in the direction of the two men arguing. The wave rattled the ship slightly and the two of them stopped and froze while looking at you.

“The entire universe is in trouble and you both are acting like children.”

Tony turned to Stephen. “You gonna let your girlfriend boss around an Avenger. Because that’s what I am and I don’t take orders from anyone.”

“She can if she wants to.” Stephen replied simply.

“Thank you Stephen.” You said with your nose in the air. “Now, are you two going to shut up so we can find Thanos and prevent him from destroying half the universe.”

“Seriously we should just get rid of this one.” Tony pointed to The Eye of Agamotto and the time stone.

“I’m sworn to protect this with my life.” Stephen jumped back in, his cloak was now flaring out to make him look bigger. “And I won’t hesitate to risk your life Stark to keep it safe.”

“Whoa slow down there, Cheekbones. Who saved your magical ass back there when that squid was trying to extract if from you?”

“Did you just call me Cheekbones?”

“Hey!” You shouted. “If you two keep arguing then we’re not going to get anywhere.”

The two men stopped and looked at you with raised eyebrows.

Then Tony spoke up, “Who put Hermione Granger in charge?”

“Okay you know what Stark-“

Suddenly the cloak slapped Stephen in the face. Then quickly did the same to Tony before flying off the sorcerer’s shoulders. It flew over and rested on your shoulders. It was almost like it was agreeing with you, that the two needed to shut up.

“Looks like it’s the only one that agrees with me.”

Peter put up his hand. “I agree with you, Miss (L/N).”

You pointed to him in approval. “At least someone has a brain on this ship.”

Stepping forwards and in between the two men, you looked out the large window. The planet that the ship was moving towards was getting dangerously close. Nerves were settling in and you had to suck it up.

You looked over at Stephen and spoke softly. “Stephen, we’ll protect the stone. We’re going to stop Thanos and everything will be alright.”

He scoffed and replied in the same soft tone as you had spoken in. “Why did you come, (Y/N)? You’re going to get hurt.”

“The cloak of yours brought me here, when you were beamed up.” Said cloak now went back to him and fastened itself around his shoulders. “And I’m here for a reason. I’m here to help.”

“This is so dangerous and I don’t want to lose you.”

Raising your hand to cup his cheek, you stroked it softly. “Stephen, I’ll be fine. I know how to protect myself.”

He paused for a second, staring at the determination in your eyes. Then he agreed, “I know how powerful you are. We can do this.”

“Uh guys… maybe save the mushy moments for later… we’re about to crash!”

~~~~~

Okay so more weirdness was going on. You, Stephen, Tony and Peter were attacked once you got on the planet. After a misunderstanding, you had made more allies; Peter Quill, Drax and Mantis (who had called themselves ‘Guardians of The Galaxy’) had joined your party. Pretty soon you had a little team that all hated Thanos.

Currently, you were all huddled together trying to come up with a plan since Thanos was sure to be coming for the time stone soon. After some insults thrown back and forth between Stark and Quill, an idea was starting to come together.

Your attention was diverted from the group to Stephen, who was nearby and doing his own thing. He insisted that he do something while the rest of you talked. It looked like he was meditating, he did it often so you didn’t think too much of it. But something was nagging at the back of your head that something was off.

“Hey (Y/N).”

You snapped out of your thoughts and turned your attention back to the others, who all looked at you. They must have mentioned you and you were not paying any attention.

“I’m sorry, I wasn't listening.” You admitted, embarrassed. “What?”

Quill rolled his eyes, “For someone with a pretty face I assumed you would at least have a bit of brains. Are Earth girls dumbed down more now?”

Your jaw dropped open in a scoff, “Excuse me? You want me to send you to another dimension because I can and I will.”

“Excuse me...but does your friend often do that?” Mantis cut the tension and pointed to Stephen. He was now using the time stone and was shaking violently. You knew something was wrong.

“Strange? You alright?” Tony asked.

“Stephen?” You asked in the same tone, quickly walking up to him. It was like once he heard your voice, he got pulled out of his meditative state. He stopped leavitating and his eyes shot up to yours. He was gasping for breath, chest heaving as he grabbed for your hands for support.

“Hey what was that?” Peter Parker asked, speaking for everyone else.

“I went forward in time to view alternate futures.” He was still panting as he spoke. “To see all the possible outcomes of the coming conflict.”

“How many did you see?” Peter Quill questioned.

“Fourteen million six hundred and five.”

Tony came up behind you, “How many do we win?”

Stephen looked into your eyes, his own full of worry and anxiety. “One.” And your heart dropped.

~~~~~

You watched in horror as Thanos ripped the fake Eye of Agamotto off of Stephen’s neck and threw him onto the ground. You didn’t hesitate to run to his side and fall to your knees over him.

“You alright?” You were practically shaking and you couldn’t keep your self steady.

“Help Tony.” He croaked out.

“No I’m not leaving you.”

“Help him!”

Your head whipped around and Tony was struggling to keep up with Thanos. His Iron Man suit was now falling apart and disappearing.

Standing tall, you conjured a portal underneath Tony and transported him to a safe distance away just before he could get stabbed by his own blade. Thanos looked up at you and you put on your confidence face.

With a few strong movements with your hands, you began to send sparks flying from your fingertips. Soon the sparks were shooting out of your body like lightning. You charged yourself up and released, sending the bolts towards the titan.

Thanos absorbed your attack with his gauntlet and shot back a blast from the power stone, purple shocks flying your way. Thinking quickly you summoned a shield from the mirror dimension and they bounced right off. You turned your shield into large crystal fragments and made them protrude out from under ground. He shattered them with shots from the stones.

He raised his gauntlet and it flashed orange .The soul stone’s power was shot towards you. You didn’t have time to react and found yourself on your knees and screaming in agony. It felt like your very existence was being torn apart. It was like your astral-body was wanting to leave your physical body permanently, and it was being ripped from you. Your soul being pried out of its casing.

“STOP!”

The horrible pain instantly stopped and you collapsed. You gasped in desperate need of air and a headache formed that was splitting your brain open.

“Spare her and I’ll give you the stone.”

You coughed up blood, “No…”

“How cute.” Thanos’ voice sounded like a shattered record to you since you hated him so much. “No tricks, wizard.”

“Leave her and you’ll have it.”

You groggily looked up and saw Stephen summon the stone and hand it over to Thanos. Satisfied and finished with you, he left as Quill tried to attack him once more.

Still so weak, you crawled over to Stephen. “Why did you do that?” Your voice was broken.

“There was no other way.” He tried to support you as best he could, but still being weak himself it was difficult. “And he was destroying you...your screaming...that’s never going to leave me…”

You collapsed onto him, leaning on his side. Tears swelled in your eyes as it all settled in your mind; “This is it...isn’t it?”

He looked back at you, “I’m afraid it might be…”

You broke right there, hating that you could have done something to stop it. But you couldn’t, and that tore you apart.

“You were so powerful. I’m so proud of you.” Stephen whispered to you, his own stuttering voice soothing you a little. You could even feel the cloak wrapping an edge around you to pull you closer to Stephen. “You’ve come so far since I started teaching you. Well done.”

You couldn’t help but chuckle at him, and you both leaned into each other still catching your breaths.

Your entire team was in silence, accepting their defeat and wondering what was going to happen next.

“Something is happening.”

You watched as Mantis, Drax and Quill all turned to dust and float away in the wind. Fear spread to everyone else and Peter muttered that he wasn’t feeling well.

“(Y/N)?”

Your heart sank and you turned to Stephen. Without waiting a single second, he pulled you to him and kissed you. His hands cupping your face were shaking, more than they usually did. You clung to him, grabbing the fabric of his tunic. You have never shared a kiss so desperate, so full of trust and heartbreak, so full of fear. So full of love for each other that you didn’t need to say it. You both just knew.

The feeling of his lips on yours faded, and you opened your eyes to see him blow away as ashes.

All that was left was the cloak and you clutched onto it and sobbed. It smelled like him. It moved under your tears and flew over to rest upon your shoulders. The warm feeling of the cloak wrapped around you, it reminded you of Stephen. Oh, Stephen.

Your heart shattered for your love and for the universe as you knew...

You lost.

[randomxreaders]

The Secret

Scene from when they talk about losing their v cards from greys reader lost it to JJ then JJ comes into hospital hurt then the rest of the outer banks squad comes in and yea. By the way I don't own any of these characters and let me know if you would like a part 2. :)

TW: implied sex,cursing,mentions of surgery 

“So, Karev, how old were you your first time” Jackson asked “fifthteen. School nurse, back of her car” Alex replied. “Fifthteen? That's impressive.” “When I was sixteen she taught me how to drive that same car”  Alex quipped back while Meredith laughed. “Sophomore in high school Paul Waxman, had absolutely no idea what he was doing.” Meredith shared. “Junior prom, Sarah Richardson and Penny Caraway, together. I knew exactly what I was doing.” Jackson also shared while Alex whistled at him. Then Cristna perked up “ Nineteen” “Nineteen?” Alex questioned. “Mm-hmm. I was very focused on my studies. It was my chem T.A He was a whole head shorter than me but… Man, he was smart.” Y/N and Meredith chuckled at Cristina. Everyone turned to face Y/N waiting for you to share. “Ok,ok. JJ Maybank I was sixteen. We hooked up in the library at school, dated a little after, saw him in vegas a few years ago and haven't seen him since.” “M-hmm not bad Y/L/N. What about you, April?” Jackson asked. “I’m not talking about this. It was a private-private memory.” April stuttered. “What happened? Did the guy die?” Karev asked. Y/N slapped his arm telling him to stop while laughing under her breath “Alex!” Meredith quipped. “Oh, did it last, like, three seconds, so you don’t know if it counted?” Cristina asked. April scoffed “No” “Mm-hmm.” Cristina replied. “Uh, It was on the beach at sunset. It was beautiful.” April stammered out. Meredith let out a quick laugh “Sunset?” Jackson asked. “Yeah.” April replied slowly, “Really? Weren't, weren't there people there?” Jackson said. “Oh. on the beach? Man, you get sand up in places you don’t wanna get sand.” Cristina added on Y/N let out a laugh. “Mosquitoes” Alex also added “Oh don’t forget the crabs!” Y/N giggled out. “Mm-hmm yeah.” Cristina replied to your comment “ HA! You're a virgin.” Alex shouted “No, I'm not.” April shouted back. “Oh my god. You are!” Cristina said happily “OH, MY GOD. Do it to her right now. Alex deflower her. Do it. Do it.” Cristina edged on Alex with laughter flowing throughout the background. After everyone settled down Meredith said “April, the beach at sunset is very nice.” A loud laughter flew out of Y/N and Cristina. Then Y/L/N and Greys pagers went off. “Well duty calles.”

 “What do we got?” Y/N asked as she put her gloves on. “John Doe, car slid into a light pole on the highway.” The paramedics said. “Alright we got a cracked skull, broken left leg and arm, and some Internal bleeding” Y/N rattled off “someone page neuro.” Grey shouted while you moved the man into trauma one. “Alright we need to get him into surgery.” Shepherd said.

   While in the OR Y/L/N and Torres worked on fixing the leg, Bailey and Grey worked on the eternal bleeding, and Shepherd was fixing his skull and checking for brain damage.

                                                                     1.5 Hours Later

  “Alright I’m going to go update the family” Bailey said while leaving the OR. 30 minuets later Callie and I were done. “Y/L/N, go update the family” Torres said. Y/N nodded as they were scrubbing out, grabbing the chart while walking to the waiting room. “Family for…” they pause while looking over the chart seeing the name they knew all too well, a name from the past, a name they were talking about hours ago, a name that knew all their secrets and held a big one. They cleared their throat “Family for JJ Maybank” They squeaked out. “Um, we are” Their eyes connected with familiar dark brown as they used to be bestfriends. “Y/N?” Pope's voice cracked suddenly three more sets of eyes met yours, you froze seeing John B, Sarah,Kiara and Pope. They all looked the same but slightly older. “H-hey guys” Y/N chirped out “What the hell Y/N you're a doctor!” Kiara asked, proud but surprised. “Um yeah so JJ is stable but he can’t have any visitors yet,but he can in a few hours.” After you head to the resident lounge.

‘What the fuck” John B said then asked “Their a doctor?” ”Well they did go to med-school” Sarah said. “Why haven't they talked to us is over ten years”Kiara said hurt “They contacted me, not a lot but we kept tabs on each other ya know” Pope said “What the hell Pope” all of them said “why didn’t you tell us” Sarah question “I-I-I don’t know”

                                                            Meanwhile

   While doing my evening rounds JJ woke up. “Well,well,well if it isn't Y/N Y/L/N come to see me wifey.” JJ smirked “Hey, That's Dr.Y/N Y/L/N.” You smirked back “And stop calling me wifey, I’m gonna go get the others I’ll be right back.” As Y/N headed out to get the gang she was stopped by Meredith “Hey did our John Doe wake up?” “Yep” Y/N said shakily. “What's wrong” Mer questioned. “It’s JJ Maybank, he one I was telling you guys about earlier” “Omg the guy you lost your virginity to!” “Yeah, but one more thing I might also be his wife.” Y/N said leaving Meredith shocked. “You're what!” Meredith yelled drawing the attention from bystanders. “Ok I’m going to go talk the the family and then we will finish this conversation later” Y/N left leaving Meredith shocked. 

“Family for JJ Maybank” Y/N called out. “Hey, Y/N/N how is he?” John B asked worried “ He is awake so you guys can finally see him, just follow me” Y/N said cheerfully. While heading to JJ’s room Y/N’s eyes connected with Mer’s “Dr. Y/L/N, can I speak with you privately?” Mer asked looking at at the faces behind you. “Yeah sure, um his room is right there” Y/N said turning to the others. “What do you mean you’re married, and to our patient!” Meredith whisper shouted at you. While walking by Derek heard the mention of the patient “Oh did our John Doe wake up?” He said “Yeah he did except our John Doe is Y/N’s secret husband” Mer replied “Whoa secret husband?” Derek questioned. “Yea we got married when we were 19 in vegas it was an accident but we haven't really talked about it since and you guys are the only people who know, so please don't tell anyone.” Y/N rambled out. “Alright well we need to do a post-op checkup.” Derek commented while trying to process everything. “Yeah ok.” Y/N whispered out. “ Ok, we have JJ Maybank came in with a broken left leg and arm, cracked skull and internal bleeding. Me and Torres fixed the leg and put a cast on the arm, Dr.Grey and Bailey took care of the internal bleeding and Dr.Shepherd fixed your skull.” Y/N finished reading off the chart. “Damn wifey you fixed my leg and arm that's pretty badass.” JJ commented while Shepherd and Grey gave you shared glances.”Ok you should be able to go home today we just need you and who will be taking care of you at home to sign the discharge papers.” Grey told JJ. “Yo Y/N will you take care of me after I get discharged” Y/N tried to say something but JJ interrupted before they could get out their comment, “ya know since you're my wife and all!” JJ exclaimed excitedly. The room fell silent as everyone tried to process the news of the formal power couple now being married. 

I hope you all liked this thank you sooooo much for reading let me know if there is someone from grey,outer banks, or criminal minds or maybe even a cross over you would like! Oh also let me know if you would like a part 2 to this story :)

[apriorisea]

Yoongi said he has a rough time sleeping on tour bc of jet lag... imagine where you keep him company/help him fall asleep? 💕

"Relax” Yoongi x You

Clutching your favorite travel pillow, you sleepily follow Jungkook down the steps of the chartered plane into the bright afternoon sunshine. Your internal clock groans: it should be the middle of the night still. Caught up in your exhaustion, you nearly miss the final step and stumble, mentally preparing yourself for the fall that was coming.      Instead, you feel Yoongi’s hands on your hips, keeping you upright. He doesn’t release you until you’re steady on your feet once again. “Careful there, sweetheart,” he murmurs near your ear.       Smiling, you lean back against him a little in relief. “Thanks,” you say, once the two of you reach solid ground for good. Turning to face him, your smile grows bigger as you see his post-plane-nap messy hairstyle. Pressing your pillow into his hands, you reach up and run your fingers through his hair, quickly settling it into less of a mess.      When you’re finished, he leans forward and kisses you. “Am I decent now?” he asks with a quick grin.       “You’ll do,” you tease back.       Seokjin appears suddenly; he was smart enough to hide his messy hair under a baseball cap. “I forgot to leave him with my other stuff,” he says, extending his custom-made RJ plushy towards you. “Could you take him back to the hotel with you right now?”      You gasp dramatically. “Am I...am I being entrusted with...with THE RJ himself???”       He rolls his eyes.       You grin, taking hold of the doll gently. “Of course. Me and RJ will have a grand time together, won’t we?”       “Thanks,” he flashes you a genuine smile before turning to Yoongi. “We’re all taking one van to the venue, I guess. Are you ready?”       “Yes,” your boyfriend agrees. “I’ll be there in just a second.”       Seokjin nods and looks back at you. “Thanks again, Squid.” He grins playfully as he uses your nickname. “I expect to see him relaxing in my room when I get back.”       “I don’t know, Jin-oppa,” you say seriously. “What if RJ decides he likes it better with me?”       He gives you a look. “Don’t even joke.”       You laugh, lifting one of the doll’s arms to wave at him as he turns to go. Still smiling, you turn back to your boyfriend. “How long do you think you guys will be today?”      “Why?” he asks, one side of his mouth lifting in a crooked grin. “How much time do you need to pull off the great RJ-heist?”      “Nah, that’s too easy,” you say, lifting the doll and wiggling it around playfully. “Mission accomplished already.”       “Yah!” Seokjin’s voice carries all the way from where he stands next to the waiting van. “Don’t shake him like that!”      “Oops, sorry.”       Yoongi reaches out to brush a strand of your hair back behind your ear. “Hopefully it won’t be too long today.”       You nod, leaning into his hand as he lets it rest softly on your cheek. “Agreed. Be---”       “Noona!” Taehyung appears, carrying his thick brown peacoat in his arms. “Can you please, pretty please, extra please take this back to the hotel, too? I think it’ll be too hot.”       You’re already reaching for the coat as Yoongi sighs. “Taehyung-ah, she’s not a delivery service.”      You give him a placating smile. “I don’t mind. Anything else, Taehyungie?”      “Nope!” He gives your arm a grateful squeeze. “See you later! Hyung,” he adds seriously, looking at your boyfriend, “We’re leaving in 5 minutes.”      “I got it,” Yoongi says patiently. “I’ll be there.” After the younger man is gone, he studies you and sighs again. “You sure you’re okay?”      Arms now full, you smile and lean forward, lips puckered; your smile grows to a grin as he gives you what you want. “Yes. Don’t worry, baby. Just have a good soundcheck. Are you guys also rehearsing?”      He smooths another strand of your hair back. “We’ll probably do a rough run-through of some of the more difficult things, but nothing extreme.”      You nod. “I---” Catching sight of something behind him, you grin.       “What?” He narrows his eyes. “What---”      Namjoon calls your name as he approaches. “I forgot to put this back in its case before we got off the plane,” he says, gesturing to his brand new tablet. “Can you---”      “Take it back to the hotel for you?” You cut in with a laugh.      He smiles sheepishly. “Yeah.”      “You got it, Joonie. Anything else?” You pivot to look at the van where the others are waiting. “Last chance to check your stuff with the Me-Express, no-stop delivery service headed straight to the hotel!”      “We love you,” Namjoon volunteers with a grin.       You roll your eyes playfully. “You’re lucky I love you guys, too.”      “Thank you,” he emphasizes, then: “Hyung---”      “I know, I know,” Yoongi interrupts him. “I’m coming!”      When you’re finally alone again, he snakes an arm around your waist, pulling you close.       “How about you?” you say softly, smiling as you look up into his face. “Anything to send with me?”      He smiles back briefly. “Just this,” he answers, then leans in and kisses you.      When you finally break apart, you nod. “I think that’s my favorite item I’m delivering.”      “You think?” he asks, absently looking around to make sure he has all his things with him. “What about RJ?”      “Hmm...” you pretend to think. “A kiss from you has the tiniest edge over the world’s cutest alpaca.”      “Thank goodness,” he deadpans. Finally deciding he’s got everything, he looks back at you. “I’ll see you soon?”      You nod. “Be safe, baby.”      “Love you,” he says quietly, then turns and heads towards the van.       Watching them pile into the van, you wait until they’ve left before making your way to the remaining vehicles.       “Whoa. Can I help you with that?” one of the managers asks, raising his eyebrows at the load of things in your arms.       You laugh. “You can take the coat and the tablet if you want,” you answer. “But RJ’s off-limits.”

It’s dark by the time you hear commotion in the hotel hallway. Lying on your stomach, you reach for the remote and mute the TV to make sure it’s really them---the sound of controlled, comfortable chaos is unmistakable. Glancing at your watch, you’re both relieved that it’s not too late and worried that it’s that late for them to return, but both emotions are chased away when you hear Yoongi open the door to the room.      You slowly sit up, waiting for him to appear.       The automatic smile on his face when he sees you makes your heart squirm happily. “Hi sweetheart,” he says. His eyes dart around the room. “I won’t lie: I half-expected to see RJ in my spot there.”      “She wouldn’t dare!” Seokjin says from the hallway.     Yoongi sighs. “Goodnight, hyung!” he calls, then goes back and shuts the door more securely. Turning back to you, his smile grows even wider and he crosses to where you sit on the bed, taking your face gently in both hands and kissing you.       When you finally break apart, he plants another soft kiss on the tip of your nose. “I missed you.”      You grab the front of his shirt to keep him in place. “I missed you more. How was it?”     Ruffling a hand through his hair, he nods in satisfaction. “Good. The venue is huge, sweetheart, and the sound system is amazing. I can’t wait until you hear the title track tomorrow, it sounds perfect.”      You release him, watching as he wanders to the mini-fridge to grab a bottle of water, twisting it open as he talks. Too amped up, you think. You glance at your watch again: 2.5 hours.       “---and then the transition from Jungkookie’s song to Jin-hyung, it’s perfect, it might actually be my favorite thing in the whole show.” He’s still going, pacing around the room a little.       “That sounds amazing, baby,” you say calmly. “I can’t wait to see it. Did you eat yet?”      “I---eat?” He pulls up short, considering it. “No. Not yet. It---”      Four short knocks on the door cut him off. He goes to answer it, but you know who it is already.     “Hyung,” Jimin wanders in, dressed in loose sweats, hair messy. “Hobi-hyung and I ordered the dinner, do you want to come over to my room? Or---oh!” He spots you, a delighted smile crossing his face. “Noonaaaaaa,” he sings out, rolling onto the bed next to you. “Nevermind, we’ll eat here instead.” Sprawled on his back next to you, he pats your leg as a greeting and then focuses on his phone.       “Sure,” Yoongi agrees vaguely. He’s looking around the room, brow furrowed. “Sweetheart?”      “Yes?” You try to hide your smile, already knowing what he was going to ask. You absently reach out to fix a strand of Jimin’s messy, dyed-pink hair. “This is starting to fade already,” you add in an undertone to the younger man. “Are you going to re-do it before the concert?”      “Do you know where my equipment bag got put?” Yoongi’s still focused on his own task.        “It’s over there, babe,” you gesture. “Are you going to unpack now?”      He nods, already preoccupied with the task.        “I don’t know,” Jimin finally answers your question, looking up from his phone. “We were talking about it today. Should I do more pink, or change it up?”       You shrug. “What would you change it to?”       “I haven’t done mint in a long time...” he muses.       “Mint?” You lift another strand of hair. “I’m not sure it’s faded enough to do that yet, Jiminie.”      He pouts. “That’s what stylist-noona thinks, too.”      By the time Hoseok and the food arrives, Yoongi has most of his stuff unpacked. You sit curled up next to him while he and the others eat, and though they all gradually start to calm down, their full bellies leading them to drowsiness, you can still feel the restless energy coursing through him. You glance at your watch: 1.5 hours.      “Uggh,” Hoseok groans. “So full.”      “You ate well,” you grin, reaching out to playfully pat his head. “Ready to sleep now?”      Nodding, he gets to his feet. “Yep. See you guys in the morning.”      “Wait for me,” Jimin says, rolling off the bed like a puppy. “Noona, are you coming to rehearsal tomorrow morning?”      “Yes. I’ve heard the venue is amazing,” you say, sharing a quick glance with Yoongi.       Hoseok nods enthusiastically. “It’s going to be a good show.”      “The best,” you agree lightly. “Goodnight, guys.” When they leave, closing the door carefully behind them, you lean over to brush a kiss to Yoongi’s cheek. “How was your dinner, my genius boy?”      He turns his head to catch your lips with his. “Delicious,” he says when he pulls back. “The food wasn’t bad either.”      You laugh, playfully rolling your eyes. “Are you ready for bed now?”      He shakes his head a little. “No...I think I’m going to work for a little bit.”      Even though it’s what you expected, you can’t help but sigh. “You need some rest, Yoongi.”      “I know.” He cups the side of your face, stroking your cheek with his thumb fondly. “But I’m still too awake---the jet-lag and everything. I won’t be able to fall asleep yet.”      “Okay.”      “Are you tired, sweetheart?” he asks, searching your face. “I’ll turn down most of the lights and work quietly...”      You shake your head. “It’s okay. I’ve got a couple things I need to do first.”      He kisses you one more time, then gets up, moving to the corner area of the room where he had set up his equipment. With little preamble, he slips on his headphones and is lost in his own musical world.       You turn the tv on to something quiet and lie back in bed, scrolling mindlessly on your phone and smiling every time you hear him accidentally humming or singing to himself.      At 11:30, you quietly get up and rummage through one of your bags, finding what you need and taking it to the bathroom to get ready. By 11:55, everything is set.      At midnight, you walk over to where he’s still working, your eyes roving over the music program on his computer curiously. “Yoongi?” you say softly.       With his headphones on, he’s far too engrossed in what he’s doing to hear you.     Smiling faintly, you reach out and carefully slip the headphones off. When he looks up in protest, you gently run your fingers through his hair, pushing it back from his face, and lean down to kiss him. Leaning back just a little, you murmur against his lips: “Time for bed, baby.”       He nods a little, obviously tired though still avoiding it.       Slipping your hand into his, you pull on it until he gets to his feet and lead him to the bathroom; he follows you obediently.      You were prepared for this: the first day was always the worst, getting settled into a new timezone and a different routine,  and he always came back from rehearsals a little amped up. As soon as the two of you stepped into the lavish bathroom, the scents washed over you, and you heard him take a deep breath. Dropping his hand, you go over to check the temperature of the bath water: you’d timed it perfectly. Satisfied, you turn back, moving past him to dim the lights.      “It smells incredible, sweetheart,” he says, his voice a tired mumble.       You move to stand in front of him. “It’s relaxing, isn’t it?” you say softly, reaching out to help him take off his shirt. “Come on, love: the water’s perfect right now.”      The two of you spend nearly 20 minutes in the tub, talking softly about his day, your day, his worries, the things he’s excited about, plans for the next stop. He holds you tight, your back pressed up against his chest, and every so often he presses lazy kisses to your neck and shoulders. By the time you climb out, he’s a little pruney but also far more relaxed: his eyelids start to droop a little as he gets dressed in his favorite pajama set.       When he’s finished, you take him by the hand again and guide him back to the bed; he doesn’t protest, sitting on the edge easily, but his gaze wanders to the hallway and he frowns slightly. “I don’t think I double-locked the door,” he says, making a move to get up.       You put a hand on his shoulder, holding him in place. “It’s okay, I’ve got it. Just lie down.”       He does as you say, a ferocious yawn breaking free despite his best efforts to keep it hidden.       You lock the door and turn out all of the lights until all that’s left is the lamp on your side of the bed. You’re happy to see that he’s crawled under the covers already. Moving slowly so as not to disturb him, you climb onto the bed next to him and reach for your phone. “What time do you have to leave for rehearsal?”      “9,” he says, his eyes opening a little more at the thought. “I didn’t set---”     “Shh,” you run your hand through his hair again. “I’ve got it, baby. Don’t worry.” You set a few alarms on your phone, ensuring that he’ll get up early enough to break the jetlag cycle, but not so early that he’ll be a total wreck the next day.      He looks up at you and a smile slowly crosses his face. “I love you.” He says your name softly a few times. “I’m so lucky you’re here with me.”      Smiling back at him, you turn on a soothing-sounds podcast, make sure both of your phones are plugged in and charging, then reach over to turn out your lamp. As the darkness settles, you crawl under the covers, laughing a little as he pulls you into his arms immediately. He holds you close against him, brushing a few soft kisses across your forehead.       “I love you, too,” you say quietly. “Just get some rest, okay?”      He nods sleepily.       “So a few of us were talking,” you begin, keeping your voice low and calm even as you feel sleepiness start to creep over you, “And tomorrow we’re going to get dinner from that amazing steak place again.”      “Mm?” He rubs your arm absently. “Sounds good, sweetheart.”      “Yeah.”      “We also...” He’s fading fast. “..Can’t forget to grab that camera Taehyungie wants...”      You nod, pressing a kiss to his collarbone. “Right.”      By this point, he’s completely relaxed in your arms, jetlag forgotten. His breathing starts to slow and even out, so you squeeze him tight and murmur, “I love you.”      The last thing he does before he falls asleep is kiss your forehead; then, he’s out, coaxed into a deep sleep by your carefully planned relaxation techniques.      Day 1, you think as you start to drift off, Check.

[autisticmob]

HELLO everyone i am now ten days out from my tiddy surgery so i think while everything is still fresh-ish in my mind I should get a rough timeline of how things went for me, just so anyone having similar stuff done in the future can have it as reference?? 

so under the cut is how shit went down, warning we are gonna be tmi about it for Max Information Dissemination, i will be talking about IV placement, Needles, Bleeding, Bruising, Bathroom Stuff In General, etc. so like. Be Warned.

OKAY SO what did i have done and how did i get it:

- i got a bilateral breast reduction with a “T,” “keyhole,” or “anchor-shaped” incision. this procedure, unlike double-incision top surgery, does not detach your nipples at all, but it DOES leave a decent hunk of breast tissue behind to avoid the nip graft. this connecting tissue keeps your nip attached and supplied with enough blood to survive. that means with this one, theres basically a limit to how much they can take off, and it depends on how big you are to start off with. 

- i went with the T-incisions because as a NB person, I wanted to sidestep the “gender-confirming surgery” route with my insurance. technically, I believe it would have been covered if i had gone through the process of talking to a therapist and getting a note that the surgery WOULD help confirm my gender, but i suspect it would have taken much longer, and I was afraid that my doctor and community resources would not have ended up approving me FOR the surgery since I don’t exactly fit the typical trans narrative. and luckily for me i had Massive, Spine-Bending G Cup Tiddies to contend with. so every doc that took a look at me said “yeah, you need those taken care of for medical reasons.” so i thought hey, let’s see how far this will get me!

- i talked to my primary care doc about my back pain and mentioned i’d like to look into a breast reduction, and she referred me to a local surgeon who could do the procedure. at the time i was still entertaining the idea of double-incision, but as it turned out, this surgeon just didnt do that. but i knew for certain my insurance would cover him, his results were good, and he was local, so i said yes to the T-incisions, which he said would likely get me down from a G to at least a C. it wasnt my ideal scenario admittedly, but frankly the back pain was getting to be too much, and i needed it to be addressed sooner rather than later.

- i had a consultation with the surgeon in early december, and they took pictures and measurements to send to my insurance so they could confirm the tits WERE in fact Too Bomb To Live. Doc said that it varies between insurance companies, but most will have a minimum amount of tissue that needs to be taken off, in grams, from each breast. he was like, “your insurance needs at least 1000g total removed, which’ll leave you on the small side, is that cool?” and i was like “My Man, take AS MUCH as you possibly can, im sick of these” and he was like “cool, makes my job easy then.” 

- it took my insurance like 1.5 to 2 months to get back to me, but late january the surgery place called me and we set a date for february 5th, 2020!!

PRE-OP:

- before i went into surgery, the hospital made me go over my medical history with them over the phone, informed me of all the risks, and gave me a special scrub kit to shower with at home for the last 2 days before the surgery

- fun fact this soap will make your whole bathroom and body smell strongly and exactly like a hospital and it is gross as hell if you hate hospital smell

- i also had to go to my primary care doc to get the OK that i was healthy enough to go under general anesthesia, and also get some blood tests and a urinalysis done. i fucked up the urinalysis tho (which is a whole other story) so i had to redo that the morning of the surgery when i got to the hospital anyway. 

- when i scheduled my surgery they also gave me a list of things i had to NOT DO before i went in. this included stuff like avoiding herbal medications and non-prescription supplements and not drinking any alcohol for like 2 weeks prior to surgery, and not eating anything after midnight the night before surgery.

- then it was SURGERY DAY!!!

- i went in with uhhh a LOT of anxiety about what everything would entail, ngl. i knew i had to do it because staring down the barrel of life with tiddies forever was way scarier than surgery, but yknow whenever you go under general anesthesia they legally do have to let you know that you could die and thats just a lot to consider, PLUS the whole thing involves just, really mangling your torso so like. its a lot! its okay to be scared!

- both my parents went with me for moral support which i appreciated a lot, but i didnt actually see them much since they had to spend a lot of it in the waiting room.

- when i went back with the doc they had me Wash The Tiddy Off with some antiseptic and change into a gown. i got some grippy socks out of the deal which is probably not a universal experience, but this hospital did it so shoutout to them for the socks i guess

- then they asked me all my medical history stuff again and checked me for any like, rashes or open sores or anything. i had some Tit Zits but they did not seem to be worried about that.

- then the surgeon came in and drew lines on me for the incisions. bro when i saw how high up my nips were gonna be i was losing my damn mind. this is one of the really exciting parts, because you finally get to really visualize what your end size is gonna be!! 

- once he was satisfied with how everything looked, they started really Prepping Me For Surgery.

- they hooked me up to a blood pressure cuff, a heart monitor, and some compression leg thingies that would inflate and deflate intermittently around my calves to help me not get blood clots. this felt weird but tbh also like kind of a nice massage

- then the iv placement. bro im not lying when i tell you this is the worst part. the nurse numbed me with some lidocaine before placing the needle and let me tell you that shit HURTED. lidocaine Stings and Burns when it hits and this was arguably the most painful part. but the good news about that is it means nothing else after that is all that bad. and i got THREE lidocaine shots because these two nurses could NOT find my blood anywhere. they finally called in their ringer (an EMT named kirk, s/o to kirk) who got that sucker in my arm with NO numbing and NO pain in like, 2 fucking seconds. i pray you all have a kirk. kirk knows where your fucking blood is and hes not gonna fuck around getting to it because he JUST wrestled a drunk dude into an ambulance like an hour ago and compared to that this is nothing. kirk had sleeveless scrubs. im obsessed. anyway.

- then they put a plastic, inflatable, heated blanket over me? it was between two regular blankets so it wasnt as uncomfortable as you might imagine, but it was strange. warm tho so that was nice.

- THEN they wheeled my bed down to surgery. i was having so much anxiety at this point it was like... dreamlike. getting wheeled into the OR was just surreal. i was like, no thoughts head empty, just taking everything in.

- once i got there the surgical team was very cool about keeping me calm tho. they were playing their like, pump-up music and one of the guys was like “hey fyi about halfway thru the surgery we will be turning the lights off and having a rave, just in the interest of full disclosure. promise not to leave any glowsticks in there tho” and i was like what no i would LOVE glowstick tiddies

- i had to kinda roll from my bed onto the operating table, which was significantly harder and smaller. that kinda made things feel real, so i got a little more anxious at that point.

- to help me calm down they had me breathe in some straightup oxygen thru a mask while they hooked my iv to the fluids and such, and the guy was like “WHOA you got some lungs on you dude” and i was like yeah thanks im recovering from hyperventilating

- then they let the anesthesia into the iv, letting me know the whole time what was happening, talking to me until i was just OUT, which was not a lot of conversation time because i was out in like 5 seconds or less. they didnt make me count down or anything, but i promise you it was nigh instantaneous.

POST OP

- it really was instantaneous. i know everyone says that but it really is the truth, it feels like the whole thing takes seconds. like one moment youre laying there in the OR feeling the drugs Hit, and the next youre waking up in the little wake-up room feelin kinda groggy with a nurse talking to you, and youre still druggy so youre just rambling to her about how fucked your voice sounds right now and as soon as shes contented that youre basically lucid they start wheeling you to your room where youll ACTUALLY stay while you recover.

- THE THING I WAS THE LEAST PREPARED FOR WAS MY THROAT

- your throat will Hurt afterwards, but even more than that, you will be producing So Much Mucus. my surgery took about 2 hours and during that time, all my muscles were paralyzed by the anesthesia, including my lungs, so i was on a breathing tube. my throat, understandably, hated this, and started producing Gallons Of Fucking Mucus to protect itself. it then continued to do this for the next two days or so. the nurses were encouraging me to breathe deep and cough Hard to combat this, and avoid getting pneumonia, so i did. but THAT hurt the tiddies. it was really a vicious cycle. but its necessary because god if i had to have pneumonia on top of all the other recovery shit?? god. 0/10 wouldnt recommend. so it might hurt but dont worry your tiddies wont bust open or anything.

- i spent basically the rest of the day still hooked up to all the machines i listed earlier, PLUS a thing that would beep at me if my heart rate went too high, which it did a lot because i have anxiety, but luckily the nurses didnt seem too concerned. it really kept my breathing on track though because if i didnt breathe deep enough my heart would shoot up super fast and it’d beep and god that was just annoying and im pretty sure that was The Point. you kinda have to get used to breathing again, and the beeping trained me.

- they gave me like a bunch of crackers and a huge mug of water to work on at my leisure. i actually had lunch pretty quick after waking up? i know a lot of people have nausea issues from anesthesia but i didnt experience any of that. i DID move like a fucking sloth while i was eating tho. the pain meds and general grogginess of recovery slowed my whole body down sooooo much. my mom was actually like “are you okay??? like neurologically??????” and i was, totally, i was just. on slo-mo.

- anyway i didnt have to get catheterized for this procedure thankfully but they DID make me measure my pee every time i went to the bathroom. like i had to pee in a little bucket attached to the toilet and the nurse had to come check it every time and i felt really weird about that. so idk just be prepared for that i guess lmao

- also idk if it was the pain meds or the anesthesia itself but post-op, i couldnt shit for like a week. the constipation is real so get u some fucking laxatives asap when you get home, this is not a joke lmao

- they also had me put on a belt every time i got up so the nurse could hold onto me in case i decided to fucking biff it. they got me up a couple times throughout the day/night to walk up and down the hallway outside and get my body used to being upright again

- oh speaking of i never got to lie down completely flat, they had my bed locked at like a 30 degree angle minimum to help with... something. im not quite sure what, but im not gonna question it

- when i got up the next morning they had a couple nurses come in and help me un-bandage so i could shower and finally look at what the tiddies looked like for the first time!! and it was exciting but i didnt cry like i expected lmao i think i was too drained and too distracted by the bleeding

- the bleeding wasnt too bad actually, just little beads kinda coming out of parts of the incisions between the stitches. but once i got in the shower obviously stuff started getting diluted in the water and it looked like a lot more than there actually was, so dont be alarmed by that! 

- SHOWERING: its a little complicated. youre not supposed to soak the incisions, and youre not supposed to apply direct water pressure or actually touch them at this point. so what i had to do was get a washcloth wet and soapy (with antibacterial soap, i think it was hand soap honestly. hand soap’s what ive been using at home so........) and then just kinda. squeeze it at your collarbone and let it drip down over everything kinda minimally. its kind of a process but it works fine. washing your hair and like, tbh literally everything else is gonna be hard. reaching over your head is hard and scary at this point. i will admit my hair care Suffered the first week. 

- then i got bandaged back up and they got me back into my own clothes and ready to go home! they also put a bra on me over the bandages in my new size. i was only there for about 24 hours total, since i didnt really have any complications. 

- on the ride home i had to make sure the cross-chest part of the seat belt was NOT touching me. if whoevers driving you hits a pothole, your soul WILL exit your body tits-first for a moment. im sorry if you live somewhere like here in nebraska where the roads are garbage but its not gonna be fun.

ONCE YOU’RE HOME!!

- i live at home with my mom and sister and if you live alone, id try to have a friend basically move in for the first week. you will need Help with things. basic things. you’ll mostly want to sleep because of the pain meds but those made me pretty dizzy so it was cool having my mom around in case i like. fell on the way to the bathroom and died or anything like that.

- changing bandages is really kind of a 2-person affair too, and youll have to do it at least once a day post-shower, so keep that in mind. 

- the bleeding is like, not that bad after that first day honestly. i never had to change the bandages more than just the once per day. 

- basically from here the procedure is just to take it easy, get up every few hours and walk around a little to keep the blood clots at bay, and enjoy yr new silhouette basically

- worst thing about recovery honestly? im a stomach/side sleeper, and i cant manage anything other than laying flat on my back with my arms at my sides right now, and thats just like.... idk i really cant sleep like that. its not comfy. ive had to set up kind of a pillow fort around me to keep me from rolling over in my sleep bc im afraid i might hurt myself accidentally like that, but idk how well-founded that fear is.

- i will say as someone who did have back problems before this, the difference is IMMEDIATE. i literally had better posture like Day 1. im still a little hunched over because the stitches create a bit of tension in your chest, but like literally it was instantaneous. god. once i got healed to a point that i could like, kinda relax and not be so fucking tense all the time? back pain has basically just been GONE. 

- other fun things to notice: i had some pretty significant stretch marks before, and now they are running in a completely different direction. i crossed my arms over my chest the other day and they actually touched my torso for the first time in like, well over a decade. if i close my eyes and try to grab my tiddy from muscle memory, i stop like a full 3 inches from where my tit actually starts now. the size i am now, just like, freeballing it? this is how i looked when i wore a binder before. if i wore a binder now i imagine id be completely flat, and honestly if i layer up at this point you cant really tell that i have anything more than the average chubby dude’s moobs, which as a kinda chubby person is totally fine. 

its a trip relearning what i look like and what im supposed to feel like but its just. such a fucking improvement over where i was. absolutely no regrets, regardless of how hard recovery has felt at times. anyway i hope this information is at least interesting and maybe helpful to anybody considering anything similar!!

[unproduciblesmackdown]

here’s the matter of fact text post re: i guess i achieved the goal of an intermittent thing i’d do where i’d try to find anyone online talking about the ‘weird’ experience i have with masturbation which is, inherently, not exciting or anything but it’s like, even if i just Know of course it’s not just me, i want to like, hear someone else talk about anything similar ever, b/c so far it’s just a text post i saw once and can’t ever rediscover and someone talking about their experience that stems from an inapplicable physical trauma so....Yay, seeing as it’s been years i’ve been like “seriously though” lmao  

i was like Lol @ myself b/c i was like “man after i try for like 30 sec to crank it it a) doesn’t go anywhere hardly and b) i lose interest Way fast and it’s like mildly annoying” and so i thought about that post that’s like [me after sex: well that was a waste of my goddamn time. anyway back to speedrunning] but that’s me after a halfhearted attempt to masturbate and not really getting anything out of it anyways lmaoo like. it’s okay or i wouldn’t even bother fairly regularly but also it tends to end with like, me going off on a distracted tangent for even a moment and it can just hit an absolute brick wall like okay i don’t even have the Interest in continuing with this anymore like i might’ve had before starting like Well That Was A Waste Of My Goddamn Time Anyway Back To [whatever it is that i do]

and then like either that same night or the next my dreams had the audacity to get deeply uncomfortable for no reason like. all i do is have Anxiety Dream Themes thrown together where like. for example as i write this, two nights ago i had a dream segment about “i’m on vacation at the beach” but it was all Anxiety b/c it’ll all be about how i can hardly visit said beach coz i keep getting sidetracked at the hotel or w/e while i’m Trying to visit it while i still can, and last night i had the same Theme but trying and failing to ride roller coasters (which i Enjoy irl) and like, the beach one in particular recurs not Too infrequently lmao where i’m surprised by the rarity of something like “you’re at the beach and it’s fun” lol.......i don’t have anything i’d call a nightmare too often but Anxiety / a somewhat threatening/worrisome situation is like, fairly constant lol, with some occasionally more neutral stuff and a really rare Fun Dream but anyways it was still Bizarre that my dreams pitched me “you’re Someone who i guess is dating this abstract Partner and the scenario is you feel obligated to have sex with them” and it was weird like, woke up the next day like “why did my brain drag me through this deeply unpleasant dream situation” like. not totally unheard of for my dreams to touch on a Scene ft. sex and/or physical intimacy and even on occasion it’ll be an “i’m (or whoever i am as a maybe semi-abstract First Person camera character lol maybe ft. some particular concept attached to the ‘role’) having some sexual encounter and it’s Fine or enjoyable” but it’s generally fleeting As Per Usual Dream Structure and it’s like why was this one that sucked like, particularly dragged out by those usual dream standard’s, come on

anyways so going “haha i’m living the Waste Of My Goddamn Time thing” and “well thank you to my own brain for a bizarre and unpleasant experience while i’m just trying to be passed tf out” i was like “let’s look up again why not only can i not seem to orgasm but also like even expecting a way lower level of stimulation still Disappoints sometime like why do i bother” and yeah after first going the “does anyone Never manage to Not slam into a brick wall / basically completely lose interest all at once or practically all at once even and it all goes back to zero even if you started at like maybe a 1 or 1.5 and sometimes it happens with going down a random mental track” route i interestingly got some cis guys going “yeah hate when that happens on occasion” but yeah by now i had of course given up on “can i come at this from an [experiencing sensory input and processing from an autistic angle] angle” like. idk still interested in that of course lmao but god is searching for it a bit exhausting. but yeah after i threw in an [-erectile] search modifier i got was like oh a result on a site about asexuality re: masturbation, why didn’t i think of That angle. idk but here we are

informative stuff but the comments section where people who wanted to read an [about: masturbation] on a site About asexuality were talking about their experiences was like. i had mentioned how it was Enlightening that one person said I Do Not Enjoy Orgasms lol like i have not really heard that angle vs “you might not enjoy sexual stimulation” and/or “you might not be able to orgasm” but not you Can orgasm but you Might Not Even Like It Really like. the person said yes they got the Peak Of Intense Pleasure out of the orgasm but not so much any kind of afterglow and felt like they get dropped back to where they were before even trying to masturbate (aka. square zero again lol) and just yeah outright mentioned Not Enjoying it and another person replied like Yep it’s like that for me too.........already i’m like man i don’t even approach anywhere near an orgasm Ever but man would not be surprised if, even if i theoretically was capable of the physical experience, it would be the same as this way lower level Waste Of My Goddamn Time deal lol.......it’s Hilarious too that like. say “being at all in the mood to try to spank it” is a Square/Level 1, i feel like yeah most of the time i’m only getting this shit going to a 1.5, maybe a 2 or 2.5 if we’re on fire......very very very rarely have i been like “hey that was like, a 3 or some shit, damn” and honestly it’s not like oh so that ruled and is motivation to continue b/c like. the Surprise of it throws me off and it’s not necessarily that Great a surprise, more just like, jeez, idk, it feels like A Bit Much that basically registers as Tension where i’m hardly encouraged to keep it up like, makes me wonder if that’s a Sensory Processing Thing aka how sometimes i try to get any more in depth info on the logistics of Experiencing Sexual Stimulation re: also being autistic and the variety of ways that can unfold (i do know that like. the Sensory thing apparently can sure be a factor in either direction, i.e. might cause some ppl to really not enjoy sexual stimulation Or to like, super enjoy it. allistic ppl who might realize “thinking sex is awesome” is “”normal,”” brilliant.....like u didnt also “realize” that stims like fidget cubes and weighted blankets can be enjoyed “”normally”” like. still having a diff experience here and shut it) and i remember one time i was like “c’est la vie i will purchase a vibrator (and i got a second, external one as some deal going on)” and it was just a No Go b/c. it didn’t feel “bad” in that it was not necessarily like, yep here’s some sexual stimulation, but it was like, overwhelming in a Not Good way, yet also not physically painful, and i realize vibrators are made w/ different intensities and i definitely got Mildest ones so it wasn’t that

anyways like yeah #tbt to a time i really gave it a go (vibrator-less) for truly just short of two solid hours......plenty of that was me at Square Zero and getting back to level 1 alone (aka like. feeling Any positive response at all lmao) was kind of an achievement and maybe there was some 1.5 or 2 in there but it wasn’t like i felt that motivated and Just Keeping At It was not necessarily helping so. that was a waste of my goddamn time

can’t really remember what i was doing differently the last time i kicked things up to maybe a solid 2-3 Zone for truly like One Moment lol.....think i was just getting a little more hands on (since usually a spike in intensity makes me go “[?? / !!] whoa :/” and i lose Any momentum and/or “progress”) and that spike in intensity made me go [?? / !!] Whoa :/ and it didn’t matter, just got back to zero as always, and it’s not like these “Achievements” are “Enlightening” where i’m then like wow everyone’s right, really Trying with this shit pays off like lol. i still make a cursory effort but really just to burn off that Level 1-ness if anything like. kinda like “yeah neat here we go” but like. probably literally a minute or two later it’s like well Anyways.......another fun detail is that it’s not Always like “oh i got off on some mental sidetrack and losing focus = losing like All of even this low level of arousal and im back at zero” like, i might be in the middle of things and Lose Interest even while i’m currently experiencing a nonzero level of “yep this is some sexual stimulation” lol but it’s just like smh Whatever @ it......like, on the one hand the Tension of the stimulation gets in its own way, but if i entirely lose that then it’s like well okay this isn’t gonna go anywhere, may as well stop

so anyhow here’s the Particular Comment where i was like “wow this is so similar to #me that i guess i’ve finally found Someone Talking About It* (*however it goes for me)”

i can’t say i’ve done the Holding My Breath thing on Purpose but now sometimes i do notice i do it (and have probably Been doing it) lol like oh there i went and Exhaled in a [was holding my breath] way lol coz like they say there with the Loss Of Any Tension and the Square Zero (Not Even Square One) thing like yeah lmao. and very same with the Five Minutes Max thing b/c yeah it really can be even less than One Minute sometimes before it’s like yeah square zero or just i lose enough interest anyways, getting bored like they say, ugh like it’s a brief description obviously lmao but i’m like god well there it is i guess, the [i know it’s not Just Me experiencing this like this but i’d still fucking like to find anyone else actually talking about it] account For Once Finally, thanks for putting it out there, Disappointed and a lil bored

naturally there are also ppl in the comments talking about how masturbation is an enjoyable thing for them and particular tips there but like it is Hilarious to me how a) some people orgasm easily or like. orgasm if they put effort into masturbation lmaooo like fucking imagine. and b) idk it’s like well i’m sure i’ve made hundreds of attempts and not even any Near Misses, it is simply like, not happening and c) yet at the same time Like This Commenter it’s like “well is there just another way of doing it i somehow haven’t hit on” like naturally i have to wonder like well idk maybe it’d be diff with a sexual partner b/c yknow, the same stimulation from Someone Else vs Yourself, and yet d) ha ha of course i haven’t had sex which people Don’t think of as Not A Joke lmao i referred to this fact abt myself with some casual humor to someone and my temper flared up when that was later taken as a Cue for someone who is not me to jokingly reference it (by Temper Flaring i mean i got annoyed enough to go Do Not Do That e.g. the post that’s like “[asserts one boundary] i’m not a people pleaser anymore i’m actually a huge cunt now”) and i probably shouldn’t feel like i have to “justify” this as well somehow other people have probably tried to Make A Move re: me but i have not been into it like well, what if nobody had ever been Interested that i knew of, that would be fine too, but. i am aware that ppl think of this as a joke still lmao, and i have to say that. im already doing letters like a) b) c) aren’t i but whatever, starting over a) well i haven’t had All the opportunity in the world as i have at various points (but basically continuously) for various reasons been pretty isolated and b) idk i have not had all these signs that point to me wanting to have sex with people exactly lmao but it’s like, c) even if i go “well maybe there’s Exceptions out there or Situations That Will Be Conducively Different Than The Limited Range Of Ones I’ve Had So Far” it’s like, okay, i could still just continue to feel “nah :/” re: any “opportunity” that ever presents itself or whatever. it is all very abstract for me anyways, so it’s like, whatever. but i’m also not the most Glad to discuss it b/c idk a lot of this stuff i know is like A Joke including how i’m still simmering with resentment from a year ago or more over some Tweet i saw trying to dunk a meme about how asexuals are Anti-Psychology like, that’s an entire Other Essay there but needless to say for one thing i just pre-resent people hearing “could being autistic factor into the particular experience i have losing interest / arousal so easily (and inevitably as it’s big time primary anorgasmia around here)” and going “aha that makes sense b/c being ace means there’s something Dysfunctional going on cuz Lbr and bieng autistic means being a Fucked Up version of an allistic person and your autistacity is going to fuck up things about you which ought to function properly” like well that feeds right into itself in a loop and i hate it. and i know the whole “hehe someone who hasn’t had sex is a loser” thing is way engrained in there lmao ppl throw that punchline out all the time and like, idk, see the (i’m autistic) thing like it’s not like this is an unprecedented concept or the only front on which im like “i Know this is a thing ppl negatively judge in general but i also Know i do not buy into that or feel bad about it” like i do not personally consider myself cringe and fail for not having had sex ever and do not consider that Premise that someone is a joke for it to be true re: anyone but at the same time i know that this whole Awareness that people are shitty about it is frustrating to me lol. plus i think it is getting into the Entire Thing where concepts as broad as Maturity and Humanity At Its Most Complex And Worthwhile are considered intrinsically linked to romance and sex, which is something that i am somewhat self-conscious of being aromantic and [having never had sex and it could well be that i will not ever have sex even if The Opportunity(tm) is there] and i know it is frustrating to me b/c sometimes when i start to even talk about “i have not had sex yes im aware this is like (spit take) what a nerd, Sure” b/c i will easily cry out of frustration like 5 seconds in lol. which i cry easily enough but Usually getting teared up b/c i feel Hyped Up / Enthusiasm for something lmfao.......anyways plenty of tangents to go down here but my point is shoutout to the other person for also never orgasming and just being bored with masturbation if anything

and also to the people who were like “i can have / have had orgasms but i don’t actually enjoy it” like considering the way that [not like i experience anything even close to an orgasm but there is sometimes An Increase in arousal achieved, either a tiny raise in the Level or on occasion a bit of a kick which is mostly like “whoa tf chill out”] is overall Underwhelming even if there is Any enjoyment in it and the whole Back To Square Zero (Not Even Square One) thing re: the entire lack of afterglow they mention and it’s like well that kinda feels like parallel experiences here lmao. which tbh is like. makes me care even less with like Humorous Annoyance at the fact that ppl are out here simply able to have orgasms and to have access to that just by like yep here i go masturbating lmaooo like okay

anyways idk how to Conclude this lmfao. Fun Fact i have hc’s about how winston billions who is autistic experiences sexual stimulation (he gets the Really Enjoys It kind of sensory processing time here lol) but i suppose the easiest simplest one to explain is the “remember the Tayston Crying Sex drawing, the idea is that things can be kinda overwhelming while still being Good if it’s handled right by his partner (or himself ig lol) and he can tear up as sort of an overflow thing” like well you probably already knew that was connected to the broader whole of Winston Billions Autistic Hc’s but in case you didn’t: it is

[justsmilestuffhappens]

A DILF vs Fire Hoes

He couldn't believe it. Buck was looking at the blog someone had mentioned while on a call saying he had been dethroned. What!

He wasn't jealous. Honestly. He was past that. Sure Eddie was hot but he wasn't just that.

It didn't make him feel any better about people objectifying his best friend. This was, creepy?

It was Chimney who found him.

"What ya doin Buck?"

"Nothing!" Buck replied.

"Eddie Diaz is a dilf. Hmm" Hen said behind him. When did she get there.

Buck quickly shut the laptop. Fuck! He hoped he didn't break it.

"Whoa buckaroo easy there man" Chimney hissed.

"It's stupid" it was.

"Well they may be right but maybe they shouldn't say it." Hen said while taking a sip. "What I'm not blind. But this DILF and MILF shit is kind of disrespectful to me." She said to Chimney's look.

"Exactly." Buck said while going to put his laptop up.

But why did his stomach still feel weird.

-

They were back from a call, in the truck, when Chimney told Eddie. Or well he tried to.

"So you see that thing?"

"What thing?"

"Buck didn't tell you?"

Way to throw me under the bus Chim. Buck thought.

"There was an article on people who know multiple languages having stronger mental dexterity or something. Made me think of you" Buck said earning silence.

"Umm. Thanks?"

Buck could punch Chimney if he wasn't his friend and Maddie wouldn't kick his ass. And well if he did that kind of thing. But seriously.

Eddie didn't need that shit. Christopher neither. It was better not knowing.

-

"I reported you" Buck heard as Hen sat next to him.

"What?!" He's innocent.

"I reported it. The blog, the other day. Well more sent a request for them to take that down. Mentioned the possibility for a kid seeing that stuff and maybe a lawyer looking into things like posting pictures or the location of people's houses. Half bullshit but could work."

"Oh" Buck thought about it. Hopefully that did it.

"Hey Hen, mind if I talk to Buck about something?" Eddie said coming over with a banana, a plantain?

"No, sure. I was finished with him, he's all yours" Hen smiled while going downstairs.

"So. Reading articles that remind you of me. That a regular thing?" He said before taking a bite.

"What? No. I mean. I don't read them because they remind me of you, I just hap-"

Wait. Not everything reminded him of Eddie right? Why'd he say that?

"Earth to Buck. You okay dude?"

"It's hard not thinking about your best friend once in a while. I think of Christopher and you" Buck shrugged.

Who was he trying to reassure again?

"That's nice. Only good things right. I'm not pushing him on you too much? " Eddie frowned.

"No! Being around him is great. I think, about, y'all being happy, and hope you two, don't get hurt"

"Good to know. You can relax your brain buddy."

"Don't ask questions that are hard to answer then"

"Sorry. Hard to tell. I'm not exactly in your brain"

But wasn't he? Sometimes.

-

They're done with shift. It'd been a long week.

Eddie was suggesting Buck come over for grilling with Christopher when Bobby came in.

"Eddie can I have a word."

"Huh? Sure Cap, something wrong?"

"You might want this to be private." Bobby said looking at Buck.

"No. I'm okay with him hearing it, it's Buck" he said like that answered it.

"I'm sorry. It was brought to my attention you were being harassed?" Eddie's face shifted.

"We got it taken down after their recent action. But they'll have an officer in the area if anyone tries something, for safety the next couple of days"

"What are you talking about?"

"The blog. I assumed you'd seen it. Chimney said you all knew"

"Bobby I don't know anything about a blog"

Bobby looked from Eddie to Buck who was staring at his shoes.

"Buck."

"Buck?"

"Kind of a funny story" he winced.

...

"That's why I didn't tell you. I didn't want to ruin your day. And then I thought Hen talked some sense into them"

"Buck!?" Eddie was muttering curses. They may have been in Spanish but Buck and Bobby knew.

"Next time Buck just tell them. Make the time and say it" Bobby told him as Eddie was finishing getting his things ready and Bobby was out the door.

"I'm sorry Eddie. I didn't think they'd say something like this and if I did I'd have told you to keep Christopher safe, I would"

"It's fine Buck"

"It doesn't feel fine. I messed up. I didn't mean to but I did. I don't have to come over if you'd rather not see me" Buck sighed.

"Oh you're coming over. And you're cooking." Eddie said while getting to their cars.

"You really want to risk burnt food for me to make up for my mistake?"

"Guess you'll just have to make extra sure it's edible then huh"

-

Buck guesses things could be worse.

Eddie could hate him for a number of reasons.

Or they could have gotten catcalled by self titled fire hoes by now.

He's outside keeping an eye on the food as inside Christopher is helping his dad set up sides and toppings for the burgers.

The music is nice as there's a light breeze. A lady is jogging as she sees him from the street stopping to stare.

Suddenly Buck feels self conscious about having smudges on his face and arms. He doesn't know why. It hasn't bothered him before to be ogled at but maybe that was more of a Buck 1.5 thing.

He hears Eddie coming over as he remembers the food. Shit!

Only one patty is a little too charred but there's still enough for the three of them.

"Getting distracted?"

"No." He lied. "Maybe. You see her jogging before?" Buck nods toward her. She's stretching now.

"I'm not sure. Think so, but I'm not setting you up with a pseudo neighbor"

"I didn't mean- I thought she was one of-"

He feels Eddie's hand on his shoulder and instantly relaxes.

"Want to call patrol? Have 'em scare her off"

"She might not be though. I mean I'd feel bad if she wasn't, you know"

She's already leaving when Buck moves the burgers to a container.

"I don't blame you. You know that right?" Eddie's asking while Bucks checking everything's safe and turned off.

"No. I do? Still, could have gone about it better I guess but everything's like that isn't it."

"Yeah. Maybe I was a little harsh in my reaction. You didn't mean bad by not telling me and if people had done something you didn't make them. Plus nothing happened" Eddie said.

Buck fought not to say 'Yet'.

He felt an arm around his back in a sort of side hug.

"For the record, we think about you too."

Huh. That came out of left field.

Eddie wasn't meeting Bucks questioning eyes.

There was something there. Or was that just Buck.

Eddie was guiding him in turning towards the house.

"Christopher asks if I think you had a good day sometimes. You can ask him if you want" Eddie's smiling as Christopher looks up hearing his name from the couch.

"Are you done Buck? I'm hungry and dad said we can't have cookies until after we eat" the little guy was putting up his biggest pout.

"Yeah. Had to put some extra Buckley care into these for you guys. Hope it's really tasty buddy" Buck winks.

"Dad says were omnivores so you don't have to worry too much"

That earns a laugh from both of them at Christopher's words.

The burgers are good but best while fresh so they're devoured fairly quickly.

Christopher is finishing his first as Eddie and Buck are fighting food comas after their seconds.

"Dad what's a DILF?"

Bucks spilling some water onto himself as Eddie's beer is starting to foam.

"Umm. Where did you hear that?" Eddie asks.

"Is it a bad word? "

"No buddy. It's weird, some people don't like it" Buck starts.

"I heard Denny's mom say it."

"Christopher a DILF is-"

"It's a kind of pickle." Buck is chiming in as Eddie is turning his head too quickly.

"She could have been saying it odd or you may have heard it different buddy. A dill is a type of pickle like we ate. Not everyone likes them but they're not really bad"

"Okay. Can we eat cookies now?"

"Yes Christopher. Pick which you want." Eddie is opening the assortment for him.

Bucks wiping sweat off his brow like he just diffused a bomb. Metaphorically.

"Thanks. You're a lifesaver" Eddie whispers before Christopher is back in his seat.

That feelings back. But Buck notices this time it's more towards his chest than his stomach.

"Any time. I'm always here if you need me"

And he means it. He really does.

"You're the best Buck" Christopher is putting a cookie in front of him.

"What about me?"

"You're not a Buck dad."

"You know what? Here" Buck is breaking his cookie in two and handing it over to Eddie. "I don't think I could handle a full one. Mind helping me?"

"Sure. Maybe he is the best" Eddie's telling Christopher.

"I'm right here."

"Yep. Let's wash up and we can nap over a movie, sound good? "

Buck isn't arguing with that even if he wanted to.

"I wanna pick. Please." Christopher pipes in.

"Okay. Wash your hands then start it up. We'll clean up a bit so it's not too bad then go to the couch"

The dishes are soaking, other trash discarded.

The three of them are currently sitting with a large blanket. Eddie's head's lolling as Buck is drooling.

Christopher is giggling at them as he's tuning into his favorite parts and starting to lean.

-

"Odd how that sorted itself out huh?" Bobby says while looking at his phone.

"If you ask me it makes sense, in a weird way." Athena says while drinking on the couch with him.

"At least maybe now they'll leave them alone, hopefully."

"We can hope, but for every dozen there could be one that doesn't take this well. Some won't like hearing Eddie's off the market even if they'd never have a chance with him."

"Well if something does happen he's got us. Know what's stranger?"

"What?"

"I can kind of see it"

"See what?"

"See them together. Or why people would think that. They're already close, help each other,"

"Bobby they're grown men don't go trying to set them up"

"I might have already done that. Unintentionally"

"Well, then if they get together you're deserve a gift basket"

"Really? "

"I'm kidding" she laughs.

She's looking at the photo posted to the blog.

They look cute. Eddie's leaning into Buck.

He's looking almost possessive to the camera.

She wonders if he thought about this. No telling.

Sorry fire hoes. Is the hottest firefighting DILF taken? Titles the page.

People today.

[tigerintokyo]

IDOLiSH7 Part 1, Ch 1.5 side story

Side Story: Each of Their Thoughts

(other parts in the directory)

Translation under the break.

-

Tsumugi: Thank you all for auditioning. Please wait here. We'll be letting you know the results soon.

Riku: OK.

Riku: ………...

Riku: (.....This audition.... Will I make it? I want to make it in.....)

Riku: (I thought I could only be in the audience, but for the first time, she asked me if I want to be an idol....)

Riku: (I want to pass the audition, become an idol, and get closer to the place Tenn-nii is.)

Sogo: .....Riku-kun, are you alright? Do you want me to get you something to drink?

Riku: Ah..... I'm OK.....

Sogo: Don't worry about it. Everyone, what do you want to drink?

Yamato: I'll go buy drinks with you. What does everyone want?

Mitsuki: If they have a sports drink!

Iori: I'll go with the same.

Tamaki: Some juice.

Nagi: Mineral water, please.

Sogo: No problem. I'll be right back.

-

Yamato: Oh. I'm glad there's a machine right here.

Sogo: Yeah, that's great.

Sogo: ………...

Sogo: (......Riku-kun, even though he's so cheerful, he seemed really worried..... And, he looked really worn out when we were playing basketball....)

Sogo: (.....The audition..... I ran away from my home, so I don't have anywhere to go back to. If I don't pass, I'll lose everything....)

Sogo: 

Yamato: You don't seem to be very competitive.

Sogo: What?

Yamato: Here, have some water. It's on me, Sou.

Sogo: Ah......... Thank you. 

Yamato: I'm not good at it either, being competitive.

Sogo: Is that why you wanted to drop out of the audition?

Yamato: Ah, I guess so. They all seem like good guys.

Yamato: So I'd rather be the one that gets cut than have any of them cut.

Sogo: Yamato-san....

Yamato: (.....Even if I get in, I'll probably pass on the offer, and let someone else have it.)

Yamato: (I shouldn't have started with such a horrible reason. There are guys out there who are taking their dreams seriously....)

Yamato: (By chance, if I pass, the other members would become involved with my mess. I should end the charade here.)

Yamato: (They seem so great. I would have liked to do something with those guys.....)

-

Mitsuki: Haa........

Mitsuki: I'm going to the bathroom for a sec.

Tamaki: Me too.

Mitsuki: You wanna be bathroom buddies?

Tamaki: No. The results are so slow. I wanna go ask about 'em.

Mitsuki: No way! Just wait a bit!

Tamaki: It's really bothering me.

Mitsuki: We don't want to rush them. Come on, sit back down!

Tamaki: Fine......

Tamaki: Aren't you worried about the results, Mikki?

Mitsuki: I am, I'm super worried. But....... I'm kind of used to it.

Tamaki: Doing auditions? That's awesome. Really cool.

Mitsuki: Is it cool? I've gotten used to it, because I've failed so many of them.

Tamaki: Ah..... I see.

Mitsuki: That's just how it is. I'll be right back.

-

Mitsuki: (I'm used to failing. That doesn't mean I'm used to the shock of failing though......)

Mitsuki: (I've never auditioned for anything that I didn't want to fail.)

Mitsuki: (I can't help but compare my face in the mirror with me singing on the stage like Zero....)

Mitsuki: (My heart is pounding like it's going to break. Hoping for my dream, clenching my fists. God, please. )

Mitsuki: (I want today to be the day my dream comes true.)

-

Tamaki: Mikki......

Tamaki: ………...

Tamaki: (If I can get on TV, Aya could see me.)

Tamaki: (If she sees me, she will call me.)

Tamaki: (I want to be on TV. I don't care how I do it. Even if I have to do something uncool, even if it is hard to do, I have to.)

Tamaki: (I have to find her......)

Tamaki: (I miss you, Aya.)

Iori: ...........

Iori: (.......This isn't what he promised at all! He was pretending to be a good guy, but he's just a disrespectful and opportunistic old guy....!!)

Iori: (Just try to cut Nii-san like this. I'm going to file a thorough claim, ruin your reputation, and make sure to drive your business into the ground!)

Iori: (.....And, here I thought I was finally some use to Nii-san.) Iori: If you were going to betray me from the start, don't give me false hope.)

Iori: (Do you even know how much Nii-san has been suffering?)

Riku: .....Are you alright?

Iori: ............ What is it? I'm not nervous. If you're just looking for someone to talk to, then look elsewhere. 

Riku: That's not what I mean. You're making a really scary face.

Iori: ………...

Riku: Iori, you and your brother are both shooting for the same thing.

Iori: Is there something wrong with that? Riku: No, there's nothing wrong with it! Geez! What's wrong is your mouth! You're really unreasonable!

Iori: ......I'm sorry.

Riku: ..... I just thought it was nice...... You and Mitsuki have the same dream together....

Riku: And you seem so close.... I thought it looked like it would be fun for brothers to be working together.

Riku: Haha. I was even a little jealous.

Iori: ………...

(Door opens)

Sogo: We're back. Yamato-san bought the drinks. 

Yamato: It's no biggie. You don't have to tell everyone. I just bought some juice.

Tamaki: Yay!

Riku: Thank you!

Yamato: Here you go. Um, who was the mineral water....

Nagi: Thanks. That would be me.

Yamato: Whoa, don't get so close like that. You'll give me a heart attack, your face is too pretty.

Sogo: I totally get that..... You're really beautiful, Nagi-kun. Like nothing I've ever seen, even on TV or in movies....

Nagi: …………

Nagi: You're all very interesting (funny).

Sogo: Our faces?

Yamato: Our faces, right? For a good-looking guy like you, our faces must be pretty funny-looking.

Nagi: No, no! Everyone here is very beautiful. 

Nagi: (....They're all marvelous people.)

Nagi: (In the audition, even though I am their enemy, with my unparalleled beauty that could shattered any man's ego.....)

Nagi: (None of them are giving me harsh sarcasm or envy.)

Nagi: (But, it's not like they are just trying to butter me up either. Maybe they aren't depending on others for validation, but they're trying to fight their own fights with their own strengths.)

Nagi: (How interesting. Actually, very interesting. Haruki, I really want to see them singing the songs you wrote.)

Nagi: (I wonder how far they can go. Will they become like Zero, like the man Haruki loved?)

Tsumugi: .........ahem, I'm sorry to have kept you all waiting! I have the audition results!

Riku: Ah......... Manager...... 

Mitsuki: ....... I'm ready for it! Just hit me with it!

Tamaki: Did I pass?

Yamato: Tama, you're too much.

Sogo: Three people are being chosen, right? Iori: Go ahead. Please tell us. After the results, I would like to have some words with the president.

Nagi: Please, my girl.

Tsumugi: OK, I will tell you!

Tsumugi: The results of our rigorous review! The ones who passed the audition are....

To be continued…

Next episode

-

Please do not use my translations without my permission.

[stormears]

Ignorant Woman Who Didn’t Play the Game Reviews Death Stranding

I really liked Death Stranding. Glad I watched it and didn’t play it. I have a small enough amount of free time in life and in my eagerness to see where the plot was going, I know I would have gotten frustrated at the drag of delivering packages and all that slow-going progress, especially after Breath of the Wild so spoiled me on that front. I watched most of it at 1.5 speed if not more, only slowing for important cutscenes. I still probably like and forgive the package delivery as a game mechanic more than most would/do. 

I never knew much about Kojima except that he and his games are both well-liked and weird. The quirky, fun weirdness sure shone through in things like that one “arcade beat ‘em up” boss fight, the way Heartman gave you likes, and the Odradek giving you a thumbs-up. Odd but great choice also to say the name of the current Low Roar song playing also. 

He sucks at dialogue though. Sometimes lame, a few times horrifically embarrassing. (Princess Beach...whoa...I felt that in my middle school memories) The dialogue writing has tons of misses, few hits, lots of blah exposition that could have been delivered more cleanly. The game could have made its point about the importance of connecting people physically and emotionally if they didn’t talk about ~bonds~ with all the grace and heavyhandedness of sad Naruto talking about his tomodachis and kizunas while thinking about the Academy swing. 

Where he falls on his face in writing, Kojima does have a great sense for...concept art? Artistic style and vibe? The general idea of what the Death Stranding is in the story was so neat, the environments were so gorgeous and had such effort and love poured into their beauty. But in the finer details of the product, there’s messiness and awkward, embarrassing stuff such as the writing and the characters as well. Almost all characters felt like 2 out of 5 members in a group project put forth effort and the other 3 did not turn in their portion of the work, leaving the project with only a skeleton. If the characters’ desires and stories had more to them, what WAS present wouldn’t look so lame and one-note as it did. My favorite character was Fragile. 

I really enjoyed the LP that I watched, and my ability to speed up or right-arrow past portions where not much happened, and just my general investment in it. I haven’t had a lengthy video game to watch for what feels like a long time. I got irritated several times this past week or two knowing that if I watched an episode of Death Stranding, I wouldn’t have time to do anything else. But in the next couple days I might miss having something like that to look forward to. 

And like everyone else who enjoyed the game, I have fallen madly in love with the soundtrack, both the OST and Low Roar contributed songs, they are godly. Orgasmic, even...yes...brb I need some alone time 

[punchtig3r-archive]

first food fantasy oc!!!! this is choco pie, a big ol dad that I made bc I noticed food fantasy got no baras

more stuff abt him under the cut (summon template is from @multlfarlous !)

Name: Choco Pie Type: Defense Food Type: Snack Country Origin: America/Korea Generation: 20th century Personality: Warm Height: 6'3"

Normal Skill: Strong Stance, Choco Pie braces himself and resists 35 damage for 5 seconds. Energy Skill: Choco Squeeze! Choco Pie grabs the nearest enemy into a big hug, dealing 70% damage plus 220 extra damage, with a 30% chance to stun the enemy for 1.5 seconds. Linked Skill: Super Choco Squeeze! When Marble Soda and Cup Noodles enter the battle, Choco Pie grabs the nearest enemy into a big hug, dealing 100% damage plus 320 extra damage, stunning the enemy for 1.5 seconds.

Personified Food: Choco Pie Rarity: SR Recipe Preference: Sweet Yam Buns Pair: Marble Soda, Cup Noodles Motto: "Dont be afraid to ask for help!" Introduction: Choco Pies are a snack favorited all around the world, particularily in Asia, and is looked at with fondness and nosalgia as a staple childhood snack. Bio: As a defense Food Soul, Choco Pie fits the bill nicely; Big, strong and ready to lend a helping hand at a moment's notice. He adopts an almost fatherly persona with his encouraging demeanor and terrible sense of humor. He looks after Cup Noodles and Marble Soda, whom he sees as his own sons. He likes to travel and learn about new things.

Summoned: You want me to go with you? Well alright, let's get started! Login: Welcome back! Resting up, I hope? Ice Arena: [Yawn] Ah...guess I need a nap, huh? Skills: Aha, come on over here, you! Level Up/Ascend: Whoa! I feel great! Fatigued: Naaah, don't you worry about me... Recovering: Oh man, guess I needed that! Attack/Formation: Get behind me when danger strikes, please! Lost/Knockout: O-Oh, but-- no, please, hang on--! Contact 1: Don't forget to have some time for yourself. Are you resting up properly? Contact 2: I was thinking of ideas for trips I can take with the boys...somewhere new, preferably. Oh! Any ideas? Contact 3: Everytime this jacket gets a hole, I just add another patch. Pretty smart, right?

[hithelleth]

For the top 3 meme, is it okay if I ask about two shows? Revolution and Timeless. Do whichever one you want :)

Of course it’s okay! Thank you! And I’l do both, if you don’t mind. ;)

Revolution:

top 3 favorite characters: Bass, Charlie, Jeremy

top 3 least favorite characters: Strausser, the sentient nano, and the Patriots as a whole

top 3 otps: come on, you know me, Miloe, Marlie, and Charm, and CM2 for good measure (and gratis my weird/unpopular non-canon ones: Bachel, Jeremy/Emma, and Danny/Bass), but mostly just Bass/happiness

top 3 notps: I don’t think I had a NOTP in this show? I mean, I wrote (implications of) even highly fucked up things like Strausser/Mia, so… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Maybe Julia/Doyle.   

top 3 brotps: Ahahahahahaha. *throws self into an abyss* *sobs* Because of course the first thing that came to mind was Miloe, but Miles doesn’t deserve it. Jeremy and Bass as the second doesn’t make me feel much better, either. So, maybe actually functioning BroTPs: Rachel and Aaron, Charlie and Nora (why, yes, this make feel so much better, too; gah I hate Charlie really lost everyone), Maggie and Miles (why did she have to die? She would be good for kicking his ass.)(OMG, and now I remembered all the Rachel/murder weapons and Miles/windows etc. fandom shenanigans.)

top 3 favorite episodes/chapters/scenes/games in series: episodes 1x3, 9, 10 or Jeremy outing Miles as general Matheson, the hallucinated Miloe hug, and ‘Hello, Charlotte’. Whoa, that was easy-peasy, once for a change

top 3 other things u think ppl who like this thing should watch/read/play: Highly recommended for writing team/general feel (+ diversity and all kinds of there awesomeness): Timeless (reasons below, for those who haven’t watched it yet, and let me just say Kripke & co. really learned from their past and majorly improved, but also did some of the usual tricks because otherwise it wouldn’t be Kripke).The 100: for post-apocalyptic storyline and if you want a handful of new favourite characters battling for survival; it’s also better written than Revolution (but certainly not without issues *glares particularity at S2*) and it has 5 seasons with the 6th in the making (although I haven’t yet seen S5, but apparenly all my faves survived it, I think? I’ll get to it, soon-ish. Or eventually.) Sea Patrol to ogle young DL (but do yourselves a favour and stop watching about five minutes before the end 3x01. Or be a masochist like me and watch through all five seasons when by the end only 4 (I think) members of the original crew survive) and I’m sure you can google David’s other shows on your own. :P That’s three already, but I have to add Salvation, because S1 had very Revo feel in all the good ways, but I don’t like S2 that much (although I’ve only watched 4 eps so far. One more thing to catch up to. *sigh*) and Killjoys (although this season has pacing issues (and maybe it’s too different from what it was like in the beginning, IDK.))(And I should probably also mention SPN, but if anyone hasn’t yet seen it, do yourselves a favour and stop watching after S5. *says I, who will most likely fall down the rabbit hole again in a month or so*)

my rating of this media out of 3, with 0 being lowest and 3 being highest: 1.5? Because as much as I love it, I’m the first one to admit it had writing and other issues galore. The first then episodes would get very close to 3, but the rest… *sighs*

Timeless:

top 3 favorite characters: Lucy Preston, Garcia Flynn, Rufus Carlin

top 3 least favorite characters: Carol Preston, Benjamin Cahill, Nicholas Keynes

top 3 otps: Lucy/Flynn/(Wyatt), Rufus/Jiya, Wyatt/Jessica

top 3 notps: I don’t think I had a NoTP here, either. Maybe Lucy/Noah, but we didn’t get to know Noah enough, maybe he was a good guy, in which case I don’t mind it at all. 

top 3 brotps: Rufus and Flynn, Denise and Mason, Lucy and Jiya

top 3 favorite episodes/chapters/scenes/games in series: 1x02, 1x16, 2x06

top 3 other things u think ppl who like this thing should watch/read/play: For time travel: maybe Legends of Tomorrow? OUAT (but I stopped watching in s5)? OUATIW (it’s only one season).For history: Miss Fisher’s murder Mysteries? Downton Abby? IDK, there isn’t anything quite like Timeless. (Why was it cancelled?!) Although, if you want a diverse show with a formidable adversary, well balanced plotlines among multiple characters with a sci-fi side, Sense8 comes to mind as maybe the closest. It has also been prematurely cancelled, but we got a finale that gave us a closure and made it a well-rounded show. 

my rating of this media out of 3, with 0 being lowest and 3 being highest: (at least 2.5 if not) 3

( Top 3 media ask. )