#me @ the entire owl house cast: get his ass

[abelle25125]

just realised that belos is gonna bite it in three days, automatically making WAD the best episode of toh ever

[pirateprincessblog]

contract

𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐫.: a witcher (polish: wiedźmin) is someone who has undergone extensive training, ruthless mental and physical conditioning, and mysterious rituals in preparation for becoming an itinerant slayer for hire. this witcher is currently in novigrad, and is overshadowed by his fellow brother. whenever a contract for a monster is issued, it is geralt of rivia they expect. seonghwa has grown tired of the disappointed faces that greet him when he accepts a contract, and thus has decided to rest in the big city and let the other witcher do the job. even after geralt left for skellige islands in search of his daughter cirilla, seonghwa decides to keep aside out of spite.

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: park seonghwa x f!reader 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 5.3k 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬: witcher!seonghwa, catschool!seonghwa, highervampire!reader, f!reader, the witcher universe, smut, angst 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬: oral(f!receiving), fingering, squirting, bondage 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: blood, violence, alcohol, nsfw, vampires 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬: replaying witcher 3 and I absolutely love this universe! i hate what netflix did to it, it made it all gloomy and sexual and has little to no connection to the lore and aside from henry cavill and his sexy ass voice the show is a complete disaster. if you want to know more about this universe before reading, i suggest you watch this(these animations contain violence, nudity and blood in them!): https://youtu.be/1-l29HlKkXU?si=HAI0GckIcphtcTRa and https://youtu.be/c0i88t0Kacs?si=vvXEaYu_SThzEPNT

not entirely proofread forgive me! 𝐃𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐫: 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐚 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤 𝐨𝐟 𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐧 𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐰𝐚𝐲.

the witcher sips his drink at the rosemary and thyme cabaret. the redanian lager in the wooden pitcher has never tasted worse, and the music has never scratched his ears as badly as tonight. he hated what jaskier has done with the brothel. a cabaret, he scoffs to himself.

"oi, witcher!"

the man sighs. even though he was forcing himself to drink the beer and didn't enjoy it, he also didn't enjoy being interrupted.

"'ave you checked the notice board? there's a witcher contract hangin' there for weeks!" the accent behind him is rough. a dwarf, he guesses. but he doesn't have to guess, because the short figure appears in front of him and slams the crumpled piece of paper on the wooden table. "while you're 'ere tryna plough some whores, there's a threat inside the city gates!"

"geralt can handle that." the witcher mumbles, pushing the paper away. he drinks another sip of the warm beer, eyes fixed on the discarded medallion next to his two swords on the table. "he is the mighty wolfie. i'm sure he'll handle it."

"in case ya haven't noticed," the dwarf dares to get into the witcher's face, even goes as far as to flick him on the forehead. "the white wolf has gone lookin' for his lost lass. he is probably already in skellige, solvin' contract after contract and still workin' on finding cirilla. like a true witcher."

when the witcher's eyes start glimmering a familiar yellow, and his irises resemble the cat's, it is a sign for the dwarf to back away. the man places the pitcher with a loud thud on the table, then slowly stands up. his armor clinks as he moves, and his glowing eyes drill into the man's scared ones. still, the shorter male doesn't flinch, even if his eyes give away his emotions.

"when the white wolf comes, he can solve your fucking contract." the witcher doesn't need to raise his voice. the way he growls is enough to make a beast tuck its tail and lower its gaze. which is what the dwarf should be doing now. "as if you know what a true witcher is. stupid humans, hiding in your houses at every wolf howl and owl hoot, burning mages and sorceresses at stakes because they are different than you, casting elves out, calling us witchers mutants, yet crying for help and leaving pathetic notes and contracts on notice boards when you realise just how weak and mortal you are compared to all of us."

"young lasses 're getting killed left and right, and you only care about yer dick and where to get drunk."

"well, certainly not here anymore."

the taller man throws a few coins on the table, not bothering to pick up the ones that fell on the ground. he then takes his swords and puts them on his back, along with the crossbow. the medallion necklace rests in his pocket this time instead of around his neck.

as he makes his way outside, the music doesn't stop, nor do any of the guests or dancers turn to look. they are used to the moody witcher by now. yet the dwarf doesn't give up.

"ye know, i wish geralt were here. he has a daughter. he wouldn't think twice before accepting this contract. you? you are just a coward."

"hey, hey! seonghwa, endarn! you're upsetting my guests!"

"mind your business, jaskier. i am out of here anyway. doubt i'll come back any time soon. you and your cabaret." the dark haired witcher, seonghwa, spits on the ground.

the young bard rolls his eyes. if he didn't know geralt, he would have a very bad opinion about witchers. "passiflora is just a few blocks away. you know, a real brothel. also, not to be rude, but you were a few crowns short back there."

seonghwa grunts. he reaches into his pocket and finds a few more coins, then throws them behind his back and follows the trail to the famous brothel.

"are all witchers 'xcept geralt like that?" the dwarf asks, disappointed.

the bard takes the contract from his hand, looking at the messy hand-writing, then at the stumbling witcher. "no. just the cat school ones. or so i've heard."

meanwhile, seonghwa has found his way to the passiflora brothel. he isn't usually like this, really. but recently, people have been asking for witchers, and when he'd show up, they'd be disappointed it is not his friend and colleague geralt. witchers are not supposed to feel or show emotion. but seonghwa has had enough. just a week ago he had slayed a striga, and the only gratitude he got was a raw fish into his face and a few crowns. he wasn't sad. he was angry that these people had the audacity to plead for help and be picky about it.

he wasn't ploughing anyone. the brothels were the only place where he had peace. people too focused on lust and fun, it allowed seonghwa to sit in the corner and sip his favourite kaedwenian stout in peace. he'd sometimes take a girl upstairs, only to give her a pouch of coins so she can leave him to sleep in peace. some would be relieved, some offended. but seonghwa didn't care. all he wanted was rest.

tonight, however, he needed to switch locations. ever since jaskier met his soulmate, his brothel has transformed into a cabaret. yes, the bard wanted to do that before meeting her. but he delayed it. and seonghwa liked it. now? everyone was at his neck, especially since they discovered that jaskier knows not one, but two witchers. favor here, problem there, and seonghwa couldn't catch a break. this one has rats, this one has a ghoul in his basement, and this one wants to act tough and challenge him to a fist fight so he can win a girl over.

the dark haired man glances at the wooden sign that reads passiflora, before carefully entering. he is greeted with a rather sweet scent and sensual music. the people inside aren't half naked like they were back in rosemary and thyme. they were dressed in prettiest dresses, had their hair decorated with all sorts of pins, and were in elegant make-up. a true refreshment. the place didn't reek of sweat, and wasn't loud at all. no sights of shirtless men with their hairy belly out, no women with missing and unbrushed teeth, no stench of alcohol and bodily fluids. seonghwa was pleasantly surprised.

"ah, a witcher!"

and there it is.

"please, do come in. care for a drink? your first one is on the house."

odd. the middle aged woman didn't bombard him with a plea for help. nor did she look at him with judgement. "thank you...?"

"mathilda is enough." she smiles at him. seonghwa can't remember the last time someone smiled at him genuinely.

"thank you, mathilda."

mathilda turns out to be the owner of the brothel. she has black hair, with dozens of grey strands blending in it. her face has minimum makeup, or so seonghwa thinks. what does he know about makeup? her dress is modest, and he comes to a conclusion that she might be retired. she is also very pleasant to speak with. so pleasant that the witcher doesn't realise how fast the time is passing and how much more talkative he is getting.

"so, which one of the girls has caught your attention?" the woman turns away from the bar, and so does the witcher. he sips his third drink of the evening as the woman points at the girls in the room. "we've got a few new girls, eager to prove themselves. how do you like them?"

when seonghwa glances at the clock, he decides it might be time to go and rest. so he skims over the pretty girls that dance and speak to other customers. some of them are relaxed, as if this is their home, and some are stiff and nervous. his yellow eyes then pick up a figure in the corner, standing all by herself with her arms folded across her chest. her hair is decorated with gold hairpins, and head chain sits prettily on her forehead. it reminds seonghwa of an elven princess. her dress is a deep green, parting at her thighs and falling to the ground. it has a deep cut that goes to her stomach, and it seems that she is trying to hide her exposed skin.

"ah, y/n." mathilda notices his lingering gaze. "good luck with it. i gave her another week to relax, i won't push her yet. if she doesn't change within a week, i'll have to fire her. shame, really. she is gorgeous, and has brought me many new customers."

seonghwa hums. he then locks eyes with the beautiful figure's ones, and downs his beer. to both his and mathilda's surprise, the young woman makes her way towards the bar. for a moment, they think that she might pass by them and just order herself a drink. instead, she places her hand on the witcher's chest, feeling the cold silver armor under her palm.

"good evening, witcher." her voice is as sweet as honey in seonghwa's ears. he is mesmerized, and she has only spoken a few words to him. "come to release some stress?"

seonghwa watches as her glossy lips move while she speaks. subconsciously, his hand reaches for her cheek to cup it, thumb grazing over her bottom lip and eyes focused on the tongue that peeks out to lick the tip of his finger. he almost shudders at the action. the young woman is determined to prove herself, and goes a step further. she wraps her small hands around his big one, and guides his thumb between her lips, gently swirling her warm tongue around it and sending shivers down the witcher's spine. seonghwa feels his trousers tighten; something he hasn't felt in a while.

she releases his finger with a soft pop, but keeps his hand safe in hers near her chest. "i've always wanted to meet a witcher."

and how could seonghwa refuse her, when she looks at him with big pleading eyes, her chest heaving, and with her lip gloss smeared. the desire to smear it further awakens in him, and he wastes no time in paying for his drink and thanking mathilda. the young woman keeps the witcher's hand in hers, intertwining their fingers as she leads him upstairs and into one of the rooms.

usually, this is the part where seonghwa explains that he is not interested in any sexual interactions. but the way the green dress slides off her body, and the way the fireplace illuminates her skin makes his head spin. she turns around, body bare except for the cotton panties that sit on her hips. seonghwa, however, is still in his witcher gear. the feline armor is suddenly too heavy on him. she seems to hear his thoughts, because she is quick to approach him and press her warm bare chest against his clothed cold one. her delicate hands slip around his waist, and on his back, until they reach the belt that holds his weapons.

"may i?"

it only takes a nod from him to get rid of the entire armor and the clothes underneath. he is now also left in his underwear, and he can't wait to take them off too.

"can i give you a massage, witcher?"

seonghwa swears he hasn't heard a voice so seductive... ever. smooth, sweet, breathy. the way she sighs and breathes against his neck as her fingers work on the knots on his shoulder blades relaxes him. before he can fall asleep on the chair in front of the mirror, she wakes him up with a playful hair pull. he only scoffs with amusement. his eyes follow as her last piece of clothing slides down her smooth thighs and pools on the ground. then, she herself gets on the ground on all fours, and crawls over to the stunned witcher.

"what are you-"

"hush, pretty." if seonghwa had anything to add or even finish his sentence, a gasp stops him. he watches as the young woman catches the string of his underwear between his teeth, and pulls until they come loose and fall to the ground.

is she really new?

seonghwa does not complain. he does complain however when she stands up, taking his rough hand in her soft one and guiding him towards the bed. the sight of someone like that getting on her knees for him was a first, and he wanted to savor it just a tad bit longer.

"talk to me, witcher." she climbs on top of him, soft smooth skin caressing his scarred and rough as she lays on top of him. her breasts are squished against his hard chest, and his hands immediately reach for her waist to hold. "tell me what you want. i'll give you all of it."

seonghwa stops for a moment. he isn't sure what he wants. yes, he slept with women before. he slept with sorceresses too. all of them were the same; get it in and over with. seonghwa would simply lay there and let them chase their own pleasure. he would reach his own too, and he never thought further of it. they even complimented him, saying how no man has made them feel that good, that their partners would usually do it for themselves and leave them to finish on their own. now, however, seeing this beauty pressed against him and looking at him with pure desire, he might discover something new. he might put himself first. not that he didn't enjoy the previous encounters. he is just eager to see what she has to offer him. "i give you full freedom to do whatever you wish to me."

her lips stretch in an excited smile, and her eyes have a certain glint. if seonghwa wasn't so painfully needy right now, he would've questioned it. true witcher style.

"just... one thing."

"yes?"

seonghwa's hands reach for the green dress that was dropped on the floor. he hands it to her, and she looks at him with confusion. was he rejecting her?

"put it on."

"but- why?" her lips form a pout. "did i displease you somehow?"

the dark haired witcher smiles. he then simply sits up on the bed, hands still firmly planted on her waist as she fumbles with the green fabric. "no. you just look too stunning in it to leave it on the floor. no panties."

"oh." she exhales, relief washing over her body. "you do realize that you're the first man i've given myself to in this building and you're asking me to cover up?"

seonghwa doesn't respond, but instead watches her dress. her look is complete once again, except for the heeled boots that still lay on the floor. not a single sorceress he has met could compete with her. "so you were waiting for a witcher to be your first?"

"perhaps." her hands reach for the pins in her hair, but seonghwa stops her there too. she then scoffs in disbelief, but obeys anyway. "whatever i want, huh?"

"whatever you want." seonghwa sighs, body fully relaxing on the soft bed and eyes closed. his hands remain on her now clothed waist. he doesn't know what it is, but it gives him a sense of dominance, even if she is the one on top. her body feels small and fragile, and he has the urge to hold her, as if to protect her.

a sweet scent of berries envelops his senses, as well as his mind. her breath warms his neck, just a small warning before her lips attach to his skin. he can't help but flinch. she smiles against him, grazing his neck with her teeth. "found a sensitive spot it seems."

seonghwa only hums. his grip on her waist hardens as she kisses along his jawline, and her nails softly graze the path from his chest, down his stomach and to his defined v-line. finally, she attaches her lips to his. her other hand finds its way to his dark hair, softly massaging his scalp and lightly pulling the strands as he kisses her back. seonghwa feels as if this is his first proper kiss. nobody has ever kissed him before with such desire.

she grinds her hips against his, core lightly grazing his aching crotch, not yet giving him what he needs. as if he wasn't burning with need already, feeling her wet core slide against him only set him further on fire. he never said he was a patient man anyway.

he flips her on the bed with ease, now him being the one on top and in charge. his lips hungrily search for hers, tongue yearns for hers, and hands play with the sheer fabric of the dress. he doesn't care where he touches her. he just wants to feel her.

"thought i had full freedom?" she teases into the kiss.

he doesn't reply, instead biting her lower lip and sucking at it. she whines at the sweet pain, and if seonghwa didn't feel her body arch against his, he would've stopped. his lips chase hers, and no matter how many times his tongue rubs against hers, teeth clash against hers, and lips wipe the remaining lip gloss off hers, he can't get enough. "you taste so sweet."

even though he could spend the entire night just kissing her and feeling her body squirm under his, seonghwa proceeds to leave kisses down her neck, then the exposed skin between her breasts and all the way to her belly. the dress opening ends there, but it doesn't stop him. he disappears under the green ruffles, nose bumping against the soft folds and tongue searching for the source of heat. 

he never did it. he wasn't exactly sure how. all he knew is that he needed to taste her, all of her. with a single swipe up her folds, he has her squirming. he subconsciously grabs her thighs and pulls her closer to his face, holding her in place and burying himself into her core. she does taste as sweet, and smells as delightful. the noises that travel to seonghwa's ears are new to him. never did he hear a woman be so whiny and loud. moans? sure. but whines? that was new. and he wasn't sure if it is a good or a bad thing.

"please..." she finally mutters a word.

the witcher emerges from the green ruffles of her dress, sending her a questioning look. when he sees her flustered face and heaving chest, sleeves pushed down so that her breasts are exposed and her hands playing with the tense nipples, seonghwa realizes what he has been missing out on. there was more to it all than just an orgasm.

and he was going to savor all of it.

"please." she begs again. "i'll be good, just please..."

"please what?" the witcher questions.

"give me something. anything." she shudders when his finger grazes her tense clit. "please."

seonghwa doesn't wish this to end yet. he is loving the impact he has on someone. on her. he can't get over her beauty, or her taste. when he finishes taking in the sight of her half naked and flustered state, he attaches his lips to her clit once again, tongue swiping over the sensitive bud in circular motions and fingers searching for her leaking hole. her moans are more high pitched, and the grip on his hair stronger as he slowly inserts his finger inside. he wastes no time in adding another one, slowly pumping in and out and exploring which motions make her louder and her fingers pull at his hair harder. when he finds a certain spot on her upper wall, he abuses it, to the point where she shakes under his touch and moans turn to a blubbering mess.

"oh, witcher-" she gasps, body suddenly tensing and thighs squeezing around his head.

seonghwa doesn't have time to process what is happening, because he is greeted by clear fluid splashing his face. he doesn't stop yet, even though he wasn't exactly sure what happened. the young woman is a twitching mess under him, grinding her hips against his face and riding out her orgasm. when she starts pulling at his hair to pull him away from her, he takes it as a sign to stop.

"well," he flips the bottom of her dress over, exposing the abused core to the cool air that comes from the open balcony door. "i've never done that before."

"me neither." she admits, face red with embarrassment when she sees the witcher's soaked face. "i'm sorry."

"don't apologize. i am the one that should be apologizing."

"what for?"

instead of answering, he simply kisses her once again, savoring every caress of her tongue against his and every little noise she makes as his hands travel up her body and to her exposed breasts. the rough skin of his worn out fingers give her tense buds a gentle sensation. just enough to have her body arching against his and seek more of his warmth and touch. as she busies herself with playing with his hair and caressing the scars on his back, seonghwa slowly slides inside, letting out a low groan at the warm welcome.

he misses the way her eyes widen and her nails dig into his back. he is halfway in, struggling to go further. when her pretty face makes a painful grimace and a cry leaves her lips, seonghwa stops. "what's wrong?"

"nothing," she blinks her tears away.

"tell me." the witcher cups her face, thumbs caressing her cheeks and wiping the tears away.

"you're big."

his brows furrow. at first he isn't sure what she means, but when he feels her walls clench around him, he realizes. "oh."

"it's alright. keep going." her hands cup his face now, mimicking him. "just go slow."

but the witcher finds himself getting impatient once again. the way her warmth squeezes around him makes him see stars. and just like that, seonghwa finds himself snapping his hips into hers. a painful moan escapes her pretty lips once again, and seonghwa is quick to press his lips into hers to conceal it. she is mess, shamelessly moaning into his mouth whenever his hips collide with hers. tears roll down her cheeks once again, and this time, seonghwa doesn't stop. instead, he slows his pace, opting for sensual moves rather than rough ones.

"you're so big..." she sighs against his lips. "you're going to split me open."

if he could get any rock harder, he would. hell, he might even cum right there and then if it wasn't for the slow moves he was forced to do. "are you complaining?"

"not a bit."

tears of pain soon seem to transform into tears of pleasure, because when seonghwa starts snapping his hips against hers again, she only moans and groans. her walls tighten around him, announcing that she is close again. the witcher holds her waist in place, and his eyes can't get enough of her expressions, or the way her body responds to him and looks so fragile in his arms.

"cum in me, witcher." she begs. "fill me to the brim."

and seonghwa does just that. his moves become sloppy, and his concealed groans are now loud and clear as he pumps his seed into the beauty below him. he sees a slight bulge on her lower stomach when he goes to look where they are connected. fuck, he wants her again. and again and again. until the sun rises, just to watch the pure bliss on her face again.

"are you close?" he asks breathless. he is not yet overstimulated, he is just getting started.

"shut up." she chokes out, clearly focusing on reaching her peak and not wanting to be disturbed.

this time, instead of a moan of ecstasy, her mouth opens without any noise coming out. her eyes roll back, almost all the way, before her body starts twitching as waves of pleasure wash it over. her nails dig into his back, so deep that they pierce his skin and have him wincing in pain. then, her eyes roll back. and seonghwa stiffens.

dangerous red irises stare back at his yellow alert ones. the witcher instinctively reaches for the sword on his back, only to be met with emptiness. the figure below him gives him a wicked smile, with fangs on full display before latching herself onto his neck and piercing his skin once again.

fuck.

seonghwa didn't expect to be awoken in the bed he was in last night. truth be told, seonghwa didn't expect to be awake at all. however, when he tries to move and reach for his weapons that lay on the dresser next to the bed, strains prevent him. strains on both his wrists and ankles. the blinds are blocking the morning sun, keeping the woman who sat in front of the mirror safe. for now.

"why am i alive?"

she looks at him through the mirror, smile dancing on her lips. she runs a comb through her hair and removes the golden pins in the process. "good morning, little witcher."

"let me go."

"well, since you asked so nicely." she rolls her eyes, standing up from the chair and approaching the bed. the green dress is replaced by rags seonghwa usually saw in the war destroyed villages of velen. all of her jewelry sits on the dresser in front of the mirror, including the headpiece that drove seonghwa crazy last night. "come to think of it, i never got to return the favor. you were so eager to fuck me."

he doesn't have to question, because she gives him the answer by running her nails up his thigh and to his crotch. "stop that."

"your cock says otherwise, slayer." when seonghwa doesn't respond to her touch, she huffs. "boring. well, off i go. you better not go anywhere while i'm gone."

seonghwa had many questions on his mind. he didn't know which one to ask first. and he didn't know whether or not he will get a truthful answer. or an answer at all. after all, this was the higher vampire he had a contract on. how foolish of him to leave that medallion in his pocket instead of around his neck. it would've vibrated the moment she laid her hand on his armored chest, and she would've been dead by now.

"isn't mathilda going to question this... situation?" he looks at the ropes holding him to the bed.

"mathilda doesn't care what happens during the day. she only needs the rooms free at night. this room is mine, and i can use it however i please."

"why are you dressed like that?"

"as if you haven't stumbled upon false beggars by now. please, seonghwa." she straightens her rags, and glances at herself in the mirror once again. "you think of us monsters so lowly. like we are stupid. thing is, you're not that different. you're not a human. you're just a mutant."

seonghwa hums, unamused. "it's daylight. how will you go out?"

"there's shades in this city. plenty of them. now, be a good little witcher and stay here." she plants a kiss on his forehead, then turns to leave.

but the witcher is quicker, and grabs her by the rags and tosses on the bed. while he was questioning her, he managed to free one hand from the ropes with his teeth. her eyes turn red again, anger evident on her face.

"silly witcher." her teeth are quick to sink into his flesh again, causing seonghwa to growl with pain. she slurps on his hot blood, moaning in the process, the scent and taste of iron giving her bigger pleasure than anything else. when she pulls away, she has a look of victory and proud on her face. right until seonghwa smirks.

"true. i do think you are stupid." she steps away from him, suddenly feeling dizzy. while stepping back, her shoe kicks something on the floor, causing it to shatter. an empty potion bottle.

"what- what have you done?"

the witcher then frees his other hand, and reaches for his silver sword while the vampire tries to decipher just what he did to her. she gets her answer when she looks at herself in the mirror, veins prominent and pitch black. shaky hands hurriedly get rid of the rags and expose her body. he drank a potion to poison his blood because he knew she'd drink again. her eyes catch a glimpse of the shiny silver through the mirror, and she is quick to dodge it and jump on the bed.

the cut off and untied ropes hang uselessly from the bed frame. or maybe not completely useless. "how should i kill you?"

"no, please." the young woman sits against the bed frame, knees pulled to her chest and hands hugging them in defense. "please."

"i am doing you a favor by asking. silver..." he holds the shiny sword up, runestones making the marks green and match the dress on the floor. "or gold." he points to the balcony door with blinds. a ray of sun has managed to break through, lighting up the medallion that now rests on his chest, vibrating and alerting to danger.

"please." she begs. "i just want to live. we just want to live."

"so does the folk. and you don't let them."

her teary eyes don't work on seonghwa this time. they only make him angrier. she used him. and he fell for it. he was angrier with himself for allowing a woman's seducing to work on him like that. if she were a sorceress, he'd understand. he cannot escape the strong grip of magic. but a vampire? all these years of work and training seemed for nothing. he only hopes geralt doesn't find out about this.

"i don't kill. i just feed!"

"you feed on women and children."

"children are just weak. and those women weren't worth anything! their husbands would come and fuck me, and then offer their wives to me!" she then gets on her knees, hands in a pleading motion. "please, witcher. you kill to survive. so do i."

"no."

in a few seconds, the young woman is bound to the bed, hissing and growling at the witcher as he approaches the balcony door.

"i kill to save people. you kill to save yourself."

with that, he pulls the blinds, allowing the sun to enlighten the room and the nude figure on the bed.

"your kind will no longer torment people. i won't stop until i've killed the last one of you vampires, hags, wraiths and ghouls. i exist for the sole purpose of exterminating you. and that is what i'll do. even if it takes all my life."

the vampire is in no position to form any sentences, body seething and glowing under the morning yellow sun. the witcher is unfazed, already used to it. he calmly puts his armor back on, puts the weapons on his back, and gives the vampire a final glance before going downstairs to sign the contract and collect his reward.

[mdhwrites]

Five Reasons Why The Owl House Isn't Inclusive

Someone on Twitter asked me to elaborate on the concept of TOH not being inclusive beyond LGBTQIA+ labels, which I'm still happy it has, and I accidentally just made a five part list of them that helped bring together a lot of the points I've tackled not only recently but also in the past so... Why not? Let's actually make a kind of master post for this. These are five reasons why The Owl House isn't inclusive.

The demons

I don't entirely have an order for this, this isn't a top five thing, but we'll start with probably the thing that's the easiest to never even think about: It's treatment of the demons of the Isles of the DEMON REALM.

Every demon in the show is either a gag, a villain... Or the ones who get to have nuance or be good are the ones who pass the most for being 'human', much like how the witches are just humans with pointy ears. The first point is pretty obvious. A lot of random demons show up just to be made fun of for looking strange and then move on.

The villain accusation though is because like 90% of one off villains in this show, with no nuance or real personality and are obviously evil just because they're evil are demons. They also aren't allowed to be amongst the good guys for the most part. In the main cast, the only demon is Hooty who... Boy his treatment is AWFUL. It actually says TERRIBLE things about Luz that she treats him just as poorly as everyone else, especially when someone else manages to befriend him... Which the show uses as signaling to treat Lilith as lesser than the rest because now she's comic relief.

Finally the passing part. This is actually big for the fact that it's actually kind of racist in general. The only demons who are allowed actual nuance are the ones who look the most like witches or humans. Boscha and Steve are both theoretically demons as far as we know and they get kind of redemption arcs but much lesser ones than any more human character and both start as villains. Then there's Vee who is the only unequivocally 'good' demon and her whole thing is that she can pass for a witch or human. In fact, she's better at being human than LUZ is.

So point one and we've already got a weird undercurrent of an entire race being lesser than the conventional ones or... that'd be it if not for

1.5: Take a lot of what I said about demons and apply it to the guys of TOH because they're also treated like shit by the writers. They are either villains or jokes when they first appear and the only exceptions are either still pretty questionable for fitting one those roles... Or dead. You know, like Manny. I think Dell is literally the only ALIVE male character who isn't a joke or villain at one point.

2. Everyone's really fucking pretty. Like... period. Every character in the main cast is ready for the runway. The only main character who really comes close to being transgressive in their looks is Willow and like... Overwatch came out 7 years ago with Mei and that she wasn't a daring design choice then and Willow wasn't four years later. They're the definition of 'more to love'.

Admittedly, I'm normally fine with things just having pretty people. Yokotaro is based for giving an android a big ass because he likes pretty women. I don't think people should feel ashamed for that. It's just a problem when a lot of your contemporary competitors, or even old school competitors like Recess back in the NINETIES, who aren't even trying to preach inclusivity, have better body representation than the show that does.

And yes, that does tie back into the demon thing too as you might notice that all the demons who are accepted by the main cast or given more nuance are the ones who look the most conventionally attractive. Good job show.

3. Nothing here is actually transgressive.

So now we're getting away from looks and the like and actually getting into how well the show sells its theming and representation of those society rejects. The embodiment of this should be Luz if the show wishes to say that it accepts those with weird interests or behave oddly. The only problem is that Luz doesn't. At all. When she is, the things she's transgressive about are things like the safety of others and common human decency.

Luz never really defines herself by her interests after all. Azura exists sure but it gets like... A handful of forced references in S1 and then maybe a couple in S2, often not even by Luz eventually but Amity, which is literally what happens in S3 as she abandons the series effectively. This isn't technically bad. She has a healthy relationship to it for the most part. She doesn't hyperfixate or try to interject it into every part of her life. She's just a nerd... Which wasn't even a brave thing back when I was in High School a decade ago.

Straight up: I was a part of JROTC, the American school fast track into the military and people the first guy I ever heard squeal about how the Avengers were gonna happen, he swears, was a really dude in that ecosystem. He was more of a nerd than any of the drama kids I eventually hung out with and no one cared.

And Luz is less extreme than THAT. The only time she actually is is during her character introduction where she, you know, releases spiders on a classroom and also snakes that attack people. Or how about those fireworks? What was her plan with those? Set them off inside and kill burn down the whole building in the BEST CASE scenario? Because if she's been bullied so much, why would she expect her class to come outside for that? Regardless of the fact that you'd get expelled just for bringing that much gunpowder into school, let alone the other reasons she should have been expelled.

The worst part of all of this though is Lilith. Lilith actually hyperfixates. She cares a LOT about her interests and gets giddy about them... And it's almost always framed as mocking. Everything to do with her interest in history is almost always setup for a joke of some sort or to make her look smaller. She is also more genuinely interested in learning and excited about the Isles and its potential than Luz commonly but when she becomes that character, she isn't taken seriously anymore. She's a joke, just like her best friend Hooty.

So now we've rejected nerds. Can we really go deeper? Well, how about the oppressed themselves?

4: The oppressed are inconvenient to the show so they don't show up.

Because the Isles is meant to be bigotry free except for Belos (an ENTIRELY different topic that has bunches of problems of it own) the only people actually oppressed in the show, who are ever actually forced to conform and mind that conforming, are wild witches. But not only is their plight poorly shown but it's also inconsistent.

Eda is our ONLY representation of it and the show ever struggles to decide how genuinely illegal her presence is. She's allowed to just stroll into an Emperor's Coven funded school and enroll her student there. All it takes for her to be free for a day is burning some posters. But also on the other side, she is literally threatened with death ONLY for the crime of being a wild witch and not the rest of her rap sheet.

And why shouldn't it be? Systemic oppression isn't actually that bad by what the show depicts. Dana herself wrote Reaching Out where the coven system is treated like not going to college instead of a crime so severe as to have the death penalty. She also was one of two writers for The First Day where they treat the coven system as just tradition and not like multi-tracking is going to get these kids literally killed, if Bump himself isn't removed by Belos for enabling people to break the law in an episode where he SPECIFICALLY NEEDS GOVERNMENT FUNDING.

And as the coven system is the only form of oppression, no one has to actually deal with the social and sometimes legal pressures that makes one hide who they are. It can't say anything about those actually struggling because it's inconvenient. You can't just have Luz be accepted by all if her dream makes her illegal to most. You can't have her easily fall in love because that relationship is illegal. You can't have members of the government who have done literal witch hunts just turn around and be good guys because they are active participants in bigotry.

So the oppressed, the people actually other'd by the story that's being told, are pushed out of frame for the sake of the escapist fantasy of Luz getting to runaway to a magical world and save it. They exist solely to claim there IS a reason to fight but actually showing their struggle is one step too far apparently.

5. It leans into extremely harmful stereotypes of people with mental disorders and disabilities. Content warning for those topics until the BUT at the end.

This is the last one because not only do I think it's actually the most dangerous but it's also the most personal as someone who is literally disabled due to their depression. Who had to be really careful when writing about characters in crises not to peddle the same narratives most stories do. Extremely hazardous, painful narratives.

Hunter and Eda are both disabled by the logic of the world they live in. Both are incapable of magic in a world that expects it from them and it causes real difficulty in their lives, forcing them to require equipment and/or meds to aid them in dealing with the struggles these cause, doubly so for Eda because of the curse. It actually is good representation... Until you start thinking about and people start getting 'cured'.

Eda's is definitely more of a mental health disability with how much it's connected to emotions, stress, etc. like that than her physically being incapable of doing more. She suffers from not having enough spoons on any given day to do things with some being worse than others. Again, face value, this looks kind of nice.

Here's the insidious part: When she isn't medicated, when she isn't able to hold back her symptoms... she's literally a monster. Anytime she shows her pain, she is actively dangerous to those around her. Full stop. And there is no way to stop this except her murder. She will ALWAYS be a threat for the rest of her life, even after making peace with her diagnosis. After all, in the final episode she literally has to warn someone to get away because she's going to lose control. Worse yet, part of her getting a reprieve from it is to ruin another life. Lilith is made disabled because Eda's illness is so out of control that only through other people's sacrifices can she find help.

If none of this raises red flags, GOOD FOR YOU! You haven't ever had to be told you might lose your apartment just because they don't want to one day find you having done something terrible because they assume that will eventually happen, SOMETHING THAT HAS ACTUALLY HAPPENED TO ME. You've never been told to hide and lie about your condition, to pass as just a normal person, so you could get a job or just so you didn't appear wrong to others. So you don't seem like a ticking time bomb that will explode.

Hunter is a mixed bag comparatively. He's better because his disability, not having magic, isn't inherently dangerous. He's not going to kill anyone someday because of it. The problem is that he is still mostly framed as lesser because of his lack of magic and that he is helpless due to it minus one time he gets to show off his skills while without his staff... To no avail. Otherwise, everytime he doesn't have a staff, he is completely at the mercy of anyone around him. His heart to hear with Willow is even about feeling like less of a person due to it and how they've both struggled with the problem, which, you know, feels disingenuous when at the end the plant goddess forces him through the ground against his will because she has her own magic and is one of the strongest witches on the Isles. It's like telling someone missing an arm that yeah, when you were young you broke your arm too but you got better while the other person is still MISSING AN ARM.

And then he is cured... By the death of his best friend. At which point, he is whole, a complete person with his own magic... at the cost of a life. You know, just like how Eda only got the curse to back off by hurting someone she cared about too.

What the fuck?

And finally, for a bit more mental health rep: Luz. People like to claim that Luz is suffering from trauma, depression, anxiety, etc. in the second half of show and especially S3. The problem with this is that after S2A, Luz is just categorically is a worse person. This culminates in what most consider to be her lowest point, Thanks to Them when she has a speech in class that potentially hints at suicidal ideation. However, in the episode she decides that instead of taking responsibility and trying to fix her mistakes like she used to, she is going to just stay home and let an entire world die. Yes, she frames it as self sacrifice and having learned from her mistakes... but it's not. It's self preservation if anything.

Anyone on the Isles should be presumed dead or something akin to it with what she experienced during King's Tide. Anyone who goes back is going to fight a GOD to try to reclaim it. To have to beat someone who is leagues more powerful than any entity they've even fathomed before. Her friends have been trying to get home and planning for this all with the expectation that Luz would be by their side. But despite the fact that she explicitly blames herself for the situation, she's staying. There's no talk about how this means dooming her found family, how it means breaking up with Amity or anything like that. Her focus is entirely on herself and the mistake she made. They can all go rot while she gets to stay home with her mom.

This doesn't even go into Luz's lower empathy or her CONSTANT LYING that was more prevalent in the second half of the show. It all says one clear thing though in this context: Because she is damaged due to trauma and depression, she is a generally worse person. She cares less about others than a functional person would, as she was a better person before all of this, and loses her morality as she is willing to let people die instead of fix her mistakes.

All of this just makes it bluntly better if Luz isn't actually depressed during this time period and more is just being a bad person because things have gotten tough. Otherwise this feeds into a LOT of bad stereotypes for those who are mentally ill.

BUT.

I do not think any of this is done with malice. Any of the five points. It's just careless. I pointed out the narrative problems for properly including a couple of them and I could easily tell you why others regurgitate issues without blinking for many of the others. It's easy to make these sorts of mistakes if you're not thinking about it. If you're just taking tropes you like instead of trying to craft towards a genuinely coherent theme. It's made worse when you know you're in a landscape that is hungry for representation so being praised for it won't be hard so you don't need to fully commit.

As I said earlier though, this is kind of a problem for a show that wants to be about inclusivity. Who's main themes, at best, are about self actualization and self acceptance. About being who you are and finding the spaces that allow you to do that. And yet... So many are left to the wayside. Abandoned because the show has a very narrow definition of a 'correct' identity and if you don't fill those definitions, it will leave you behind.

If you want a show that actually accepts everyone, that allows for all parts of identity, I've seen only one season of Craig of the Creek and it is EXCEPTIONAL at it. All are welcome in the creek. No exceptions. If someone is alone, it's because of circumstance or self selection and even they are given chances to be a part of the community.

I wish TOH had believed in something even close to similar.

======+++++======

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

[popculturebuffet]

Here Comes Garfield: Here Comes Garfield Review: Together Again (Patreon Review for Emma Fici)

Hello all you cool cats and nobody's fool cats and welcome back to here comes garfield, a look at garfield's fine history of specials.

Last time I took a look at his first apperance with the hourlong special the fantastic funnies which had Garfield's First animated apperance, some interviews with various comic strip creators.. and nothing else of value. Except maybe a possible doonesbury spinoff where micheal doonsebury and broom hilda become wacky roomates.

The Garfield Short itself however was fantastic, adapting a few great strips with Scott Beach doing a decent job in the roll and Thom Huge's first roll as john showoing what a naturual he was. The shorts were impressive enough that CBS ordered a full special.

So thus here came here comes Garfield. Both John and Garfield were recast from the fantastic funnies short: For Garfield they clearly had wide auditions.. but Lorenzo Music easily won after his first. Licking himself probably helped. Music was best known as the voice only character "Carlton, the Doorman" on Rhoda, and while he did some voice work here and there, Garfield was easily his biggest roll, with the second being Peter Venkman on the real ghostbusters, being just as good at the roll as Bill Murray and yes i'll stake my claim on that. He was also replaced by David Collier of Full House Infamy. I'm cursed with this knowledge and now so are you. And yes it was a massive downgrade.

For John they wanted an LA actor, so frequent guest actor Sandy Kenyon replaced Thom Huge. Thankfully Huge would be given the part back after auditoning for the next special when Kenyon wasn't avaliable and despite never leaving indiana, he was just THAT good. We also finally got a cast for Odie with Gregg Berger, who got cast because

I scraped the background info i got for this from wherever I could. Still Berger went on to be a longtime voice actor, being the only one of the big three's va's to still be at it. My faviorite roll of his is he, grimlock but berger has a staggering career I wasn't aware of.

The rest of our cast are: second fred flintstone Henry Collis as grouchy neighbor Huebert, Owl from Winnie the Pooh and frequent scooby doo guest voice actor hank garret as Huebert's wife Reba and pro wrestling hall of famer and sitcom starr, both entirely true I looked it up, Hank Garrett as vet inmates Fast Eddy and Fluffy.

Our final bit of casting wasn't for voice acting but for the Special's soundtrack, a person so integral to these specials I can't imagine them without him: Ladies, Gentlemen and that beautiful rainbow inbetween and outside, please welcome mr lou rawls!

Rawls is a legendary R and B artist, with "you'll never find" being his signature. He's been on the Muppet Show, the Proud Family, Sesame Street, and more. He was a legend and i'm very sad he's gone.

It's these specials that introduced me to rawls, though it took the muppet show to get me to look at more of his songs and he brought his a game. The reason? He saw the residuals sexual predator Bill Cosby was getting from Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids and had one thought when asked to do Garfield

Jim Davis would be proud.. because he was also in it for the money. And like the earlier years of Garfield, Lou Rawls didn't half ass it: the songs he performed for this special and later ones were truly fantastic and he always had a banger ready to open the special. I'm still baffled they were never put on a cd, with the only album relases being for here comes garfield and a mixtape from various r and b artists that includes shake a paw from Garfield Gets a Life. The specials would not be the same without Lou in them, and i'm happy he kept taking that check as he made them better each time he provided a silky opening song to kick off the hyjinks.

So with a bunch of vetran sitcom actors, the voice of an angel and a ton of strips, how was Here Comes Garfield? join me under the cut to find out.

We open the special with Garfield throwing his alarm clock through a window after rudely waking him up. A perfect intro: shows off he's cranky, sleepy and takes no shit.

We then follow it up with an elaborate dance number from Garfield, as he's known for, set to our title theme tune, here comes garfield. It's Rawls first crack at the character.. and it's a gorgeous, catchy song that sums up everything from Garfield's love of lasanga to his laziness. Is it weird to juxtopose that with an elaborate rotoscoped dance? yes yes it is. Is the animation and song so smooth it dosen't matter? Yup.

The dancing was modeled after Desirée Goyette, who also wrote the songs and sung the final one with Rawls, and also presented an issue as it didn't look quite right at first as Garfield to this point mostly stood like a blob. Since it was done at the Mendelsons where Peanuts was done, Sparky Schultz ended up providing the answer: the feet were too small and it's where Garfield got his big feet and smaller legs. They weren't to the degree they'd grow later, for better and for worse, but it's neat to know this evolution in garfield's appearance came from Sparky.

After this Garfield does some of his usual stuff: He threatens Odie, in his first animated appearance, wants a big breakfast then gets pissy when John won't give him the big breakfast and reacts entirely normally.

Several of the bits from this special were taken directly from the strip. Sadly unlike with the Fantastic Funnies, most aren't bookmarked, but thanks to google I was able to find a few i'll highlight. If I missed one or two, feel free to point them out, as there's a lot. Like the peanuts specials these earlier garfield ones tend to adapt a few one off bits for scenes and weave them into the plot.

Mid Breakfast, cat food as John hasn't yet had his spirit entirley broken, Odie startles Garrfield, a fight insues, and Jon throws his pets outside. Before we join them i'd like to talk about Sandy Kenyon's john.. and how he really dosen't work in the roll. What Huge got and what Wally Wingert and, at least judging from trailers, Nicholas Hoult get as John is that ballance: of put upon weary looser and optimstic dork. The latter part wasn't as prominent yet, but Huge would slide into it effortlessly.

Kenyon's John feels more like we're in a cat themed version of the stepfather and at any moment he's going to kill both pets, change his name and be on to another town. He feels like he's going to put down some plastic sheeting, throw on some huey lewis and get the axe out. He feels like he's one setback away from putting on a mask and going after some teenage cats. John is just too course here, too angry. Kenyon's trying to be deadpan but unlike other Jons, it comes off more threatening. And John CAN be threatning to his cat when he wants to be, but it comes off more like an angry dad, which is what he is, instead of an angry serial killer dad.

So our heroes go out and frolic in the flowers before a dog bites Garfield

And then another dog bites garfiled, Fluffy, the weird looking dog owned by Garfield's next door neighbor Huebert.

I'm so happy to get to talk about Huebert. As you may know, Garfield.. dosen't have the biggest bench of side characters in the strip itself. garfield and friends added a few paticuarlly binky (who went from a one off character in the strip and specials to one of the series best character) and the garfield show did the same, but in the strip it's kept to, outside our three person main cast, Liz, Nermal, Arlene, John's Parents, Doc Boy, Irma, Lyman early on and in more recent decades, the Big Vicious Dog. It's not a bad bench to pull from and some can go out of focus for a while if Jim Davis and his merry band of ghost writers runs out of ideas, but it works. Some strips have massive spraling casts like breaking cat news, some just need a few main characters and a few side cast to function. It didn't mean there were NO other characters or no guest characters, the 80's in paticular has some bangers and two of them even show up in this special, but in terms of recurring cast Jim Davis and Co kept it light.

Huebert and Reba are part of that cast and while not used these days, still made an impression when they were around. They were one note mostly being there to either gape in horror at John and Garfield's nonsense or be a victim of it. It did work though. They mostly stuck to sundays as it gave the gags enough room to work them in.

Huebert here assumes Garfield attacked Muffin unprovoked.. which isn't that unfair if you've known garfield formore than a single minute. Garfield and Odie don't help matters by trolling the guy. Hueburt dosen't help matters by trying to whollop them with his stick.

When that fails, he decides to call animal control. And in the garfield unvierse the city pound is apparnetly fucking psychotic as they not only just. manifest instantly, but don't ask any followup questions such as "are these somebody's pets", "Why do you want these animals removed" and "Whats your offer." They jsut show up to swoop our guys up.

Garfield hides but Odie, befitting his nature, is too stupid to and gets nabbed. Garfield seems genuinely sorry about it.. before griping, reminding us he's nature's perfect asshole. he does try to tell john about it with some fun patnomime.. but all john gets is Garfield might have fleas, a bit I really like.

Garfield gives up to watch some tv, then sleeps, thinking back to him and Odie as puppies.. before seeing the net come in and tkae the boy. And honestly this setup, Garfield feeling guilt one of his only friend sin the world is absent but taking his sweet time to do anything because he's that stubborn and selfish that he can't ADMIT it, works really well.

Eventually Garfield wakes up and needs to feed lest his hunger consume him then us all. So we get our second song, Long About Midnight, a fun jazz number from Rawls about Garfield's appitite. I also say Rawl's r and b style REALLY fits garfield well Rawls music tends to be laid back and jovial, talking about romancin and relaxin, and that fits garfield just fine. He can get it and he's ntohing but relaxed.

We get some food shenanigans during it recycled from a sunday, minus john for plot purposes

Thanks to Alyssabeth on Goodreads for putting this tsrip in her review, I wouldn't of remembered this refrence without it. Though I will say the gags are made better thans to Music's delivery. He just.. fits garfield so perfectly, having that nice combination of sardonic and laid back. There's a reason voices after him.. just haven't quite felt right. Bill Murray did a great job despite terrible material, and Frank Welker is decent, but Music just set an impossibly high bar that's yet to be cleared. He was garfield and elevated the character from great to god tier.

It's telling that for once food can't fill the void inside: Garfield misses his dog/punching bag/brother and decides to go free him. he NEARLY does.. only for the creepy watch men to catch him.

It's in Stir garfield meets two of his cell mates: Fast Eddie and Fluffy. Fast Eddie and Fluffy are actuallyt aken from a January 1981 arc I remember vividly as I had the book it was in as a kid.

The special changed the two slightly changing Eddie's name, Fluffy into a dog, and making both more realistically colored, though the latter's a bit more understandable on Fast Eddie/Guido, as we didn't have a color fo rhim. Fluffy on the other hand was on the back of the book he was in, so I don't know what the excuse there was.

I also admit I prefer Fluffy's original design, the big blue dopey look versus a more generic dog in the special.

The arc they were in was fairly short, with almost none of it really adapted for the special, just taking the characters and the situation of garfield in the pound, but they were still a great take. I may not like the change in fluffy but the two are a lot of fun and help speed along expositoin.

Eddie sticks up for Odie when Garfield gripes at him for getting him thrown in jail, only for Eddie to reveal that Odie is to be PUT DOWN TOMMOROW.

Yes. I wasn't kidding about how.. weirdly sadistic the pound is in this universe. Granted it COULD'VE been this weirdly sadistic in the 80's too but yes, despite having been here for less than a day they already plan to MURDER ODIE to make room. Whose running this pound?

Yeah that tracks. So Garfield tries to figure out a way to savd Odie from death and comforts his best friend on his last night. It's a genuinely heartbreaking scene, not helped by our third song "So Long Old Friend" If you can listen to this song without tearing up, you have no soul and i'm pretty sure even that's sketchy as vampires would cry tears of blood over this.

Garfield vows to save odie but Eddie holds Garfield back as they'll "take you too"

Thankfully Garfield gets an out: a little girl comes by to adopt a pet and all the cats and dogs line up. I also like all the various cats and dogs here, who Eddie outlined earlier my faviorites being Rocky, a nermal sized cat who beat up a neigherbood dog, Charlotte, a lovely kitty who simply scratched up some royal drapes, and Weird Larny who got arrested for impersonating a moose. Garfield gets picked because of plot convience.. but bolts to rescue Odie from certain death...

The other pets join him in booking it the hell out of deathland and overun the one guy trying to stop them. It's here we get our final number, and my faviorite, Together Again, with rawls and goytte combinging vocals. It's a joyful, triumphant song of renuinon as our heroes finally escape and go home.

Jon.. is a bit of a passive agressive dick, assuming they were partying whihle he was worried sick.. even though he clearly didn't you know CHECK THE POUND or do any work whatsoever. They quickly butter him up, he "forgives them" and we get one last gag taken directly from a strip I coudln't find to close things out

Here comes garfield is a great start to the specials. The stakes are high but still grounded enough for early garfield. While the timeline of thigns is a bit sped up, it's anchored by a belivieble yet touching arc from garfield, confromation that while he may bully odie and be annoyed by his existance.. he can't live without the guy and it's a fitting thing to get him off his fuzzy butt to do something. The jokes are fairly funny, the music is top notch. It's an excellent special and only seems lacking.. because they mostly get BETTER from here, with Here Comes Being a good start.. but most of the others take that foundation to new heights. Still it's a fantastic start and well worth checking out.

And like with my monthly muppets reviews, i'll be ranking these as I go and since I already covered babes and bullets and the fabulous funnies, that gives us two to start. I'll also be adding the garfield films to the ranking if I ever do them, and would be happy to do those on comission if anyone's intrested. Anyways here's our current ranking

This ranking probably won't move much at first, but we shall see

next time: In honor of the movie's launch we're looking at this special's followup, Garfield On the Town. With the new movie finally introducing us to Garfield's Father, it's only fair to look back at how we met his mother in one of the best of the specials. Tears will be shed, weird musical numbers will happen and you will be moved> yes you. in the front there.

Thanks for reading.

[babyspacebatclone]

I’m sure other people have already talked about this, but I missed it, so here’s my ramble about it.

It’s amazing and beautiful that all three major characters of The Owl House end the series with visible scars, and like half of the supporting cast do as well!!

Luz had her eyebrow scar.

King has the crack over his eye, and his reattached horn is still visibly different.

Eda, in addition to remaining - and reclaiming! - her curse, has lost her magic (with visible indications) and permanently lost an arm.

This is not a series that says “Beauty [and by extension Goodness] is Never Tarnished.”

The characters bear the marks of their journey, and this is:

Not drawn attention to. The characters just - are as they are, and their loved ones accept that.

Never even hinted to hold them back. Eda’s arm, especially! It’s consistently shown in animation that her arm isn’t there (like the gif below, she realistically moves her body to compensate for the imbalance), but she just does what she has to, and then gets a bad ass hook!!

Very clearly shown to not impact their sexual attractiveness: Eda and Luz explicitly have people who find them attractive despite their scars (and Hunter is heavily implied to be in a physical relationship where his excessive scarring is not an issue).

Reminder:

This show, from start to finish, is just a poster board for Disability Representation, and I love how these character design changes reinforce that.

While I’m here…

Can I also squee at the implications of Camila’s graying and textured hair? It’s so heartwarming to see visible, compassionate aging in an adult character in animationli (as a 40+ year old Ciswoman).

The timeline of For the Future (only a few months) suggests Camila used to dye her hair; believe me, you don’t get a gray streak that long that quickly.

This means that, after processing everything Luz had gone through, Camila most likely actively decided to say “Boil it!” to conforming to mainstream standards of beauty, and let her hair go natural (unstraightened, gray streaks).

And then the time skip shows she’s chosen this as a deliberate look (implied by maintaining the hair and grays while going hog wild with glasses frames).

You don’t get to see adult characters age gracefully without it being a major character arc, but here’s Camila, detoxing herself of mainstream expectations told entirely though visual design.

[artekai]

10 Fandoms, 10 Characters, 10 Tags

Hi hi, I was tagged for this tag game by @robo-dino-puppy ages ago!! Like... literal months ago now. I'm so sorry, I didn't realize how long it had been, I hope you don't mind me getting to it now if it's not too awkward! I really do appreciate the tag a lot, thank you!!! :D I still wanted to do this for fun even if I'm terribly late 💔

(I'm not gonna try to make this a list of my favorite characters because I'm so bad at making decisions lol but instead here's some characters I wanna give some much needed appreciation to!)

1) Kuon Ichinose (Persona 5 Strikers)

Of course there's another P5 character deserving of this spot, but I chose Ichinose because she's been on my mind again and she's so underappreciated! She's perfect and I won't hear any criticism towards her ❤️ I played P5S for her. Don't get me wrong, I was very happy to see the PTs again and it was fun to meet the Monarchs. But mostly. I knew I was gonna like her. All my friends knew I was gonna like her. No one was surprised. I'm getting dragged off stage before I can keep rambling on-

2) Sylens (Horizon Zero Dawn/Forbidden West)

My favorite old man... He is just so funny. And interesting! I want to know his backstory, where he came from, why he is the way he is. He did all of that, but did you not have fun? Did you not learn about the power of friendship? Exactly, relax. He's good at comments and quips. Ladies love comments and quips, and they go nuts for asides. And since I made a CXGF reference, on that note-

3) Valencia Pérez (Crazy Ex Girlfriend)

One of my favorite characters even in a cast full of amazing, memorable characters that rarely misses! I'm obsessed with her homoerotic rivals-to-friends arc with Rebecca btw. I still think they should have kissed. Uhhh I mean, they did kiss, that was a significant thing that happened, I just think they should've kissed again in a different context. I have opinions on that and on Valencia's (and pretty much everyone else's) season 4 arc but I'll spare you for now ❤️

4) Amity Blight (The Owl House)

I know, I know, not to say what everyone else and their mothers have already said about it but this is the kinda show that makes me wish I had had it while I was growing up. I like basically the entire main cast, but I chose Amity because I really can't tell you how much of an emotional rollercoaster her arc was for me. But I love her and of course her relationship with Luz absolutely killed me.

5) Toph Beifong (Avatar the Last Airbender)

When I came on here and said I had finally watched ATLA I was waitinggggg for someone to ask me who my favorite character was. But you know what they say, when you're an adult you don't stop having a favorite character but people do stop asking 😔💔 Not really that much to say, though! I just enjoy it when she's onscreen ^^

6) Lake (Infinity Train)

It's so hard to choose just one favorite from this show. I didn't even realize I had forgotten how much I loved everyone until I started rewatching it with Sol (especially Atticus, Amelia, Grace, and Lake though 💞). Anyways here's Lake "I am a person I'm not Tulip I'm not foil I'm not reflection I'm not a sliver I'm not a null I'm not any of the hundreds of names everyone wants to give me" they/them nonbinary icon

7) Miles Morales (Into and Across the Spiderverse)

What can I say that hasn't already been said before? ❤️ ITSV is one of my favorite movies (long overdue for a rewatch tbh) and Miles is just such an amazing character all around. I've said it before, but, even with all of the spider people in ATSV, he was still the highlight to me! He deserves the world, I'll kick Miguel's ass if necessary, idc.

8) Fabiola Torres (Never Have I Ever)

My daughter... I'm so sad that she suffers from the protagonist's best friend syndrome :( She's even wearing star pajamas in the gif, she's just like me fr! Except she's a genius! Her best friend is a robot! She's so cute and earnest ;-; I would watch a show all about her ❤️ Even if her arcs don't get as explored as I would like, I love her interactions with the other characters and I especially connected to her arc about feeling alienated from the queer community.

9) Constance Blackwood (Ride the Cyclone)

Also my daughter ❤️ The highlight of RTC to me, without a doubt!! Her monologue really hit me right in the heart... She's just like me fr fr! She deserves so much better. She's everything. And her toxic homoerotic friendship with Ocean is very real, it's happening right now somewhere near you.

10) Shahara Hasan (Bodies)

It's been a while since I watched this show so I'm not as desperate to talk about it anymore, but it really did make me so incredibly insane while I was watching it, trust me. Anyways, never have I been more sure that a character suffered more than Jesus and I don't say that lightly. Her trying her best to sympathize with Elias and nearly getting through to him broke my heart... Tragedy enjoyers when some horrible fucked up guy absolutely shatters the one person who reached out to save him, ig.

Tagging: I'm not gonna make it to ten tags lol. I'm tagging @meep-m33p, @soliscital, @woolmasterleel, and @inkpens-coffee, but absolutely no pressure to do it of course!! Also, to anyone else who wants to do this, feel free to tag me as your tagger!!

[hazbincalifornia]

Padding

Chapter 47: Turns out that falling asleep in a fertility demon's house has some side effects.

Ao3 link

Blitzo jolted awake, scrambling back on the bed (that was too big and too soft, it wasn’t his and it wasn’t Stolas’s, where was he-) before the events of the last few hours sank in. He was… in a room at Aamon’s palace. He’d fallen asleep soon after Stolas had returned and they’d tossed around name ideas. Currently, Stolas was snuggled up next to him, a serene smile on his face as Blitzo’s momentary freakout apparently hadn’t disturbed him. There was a fire in the fireplace across the room, and the gentle flickers cast soft light across Stolas’s face, sparks dancing across gently curved white. Blitzo was mesmerized, reaching a hand across his chest to trace the patterns on Stolas’s cheek, before his arm caught something.

Two somethings, actually.

“What in the goddamn fuck?” Blitzo shrieked at the top of his lungs. It immediately yanked Stolas out of that peaceful sleep, the owl shooting straight up, but at the moment Blitzo was more concerned with himself as he fumbled to yank his shirt over his head, popping the top button off in the process.

“Blitzy, Blitzy, what’s-”

“Why do I have tits?”

“Why do you what?” Stolas’s eyes widened as Blitzo finally got the shirt off. Sure enough, there were two definite pads of fat that hadn’t been there the day prior. “What the fuck?”

“That’s what I said!” Blitzo cupped them both in his hands. They weren’t huge or anything, maybe on the bigger end of B-cup at best, but they were still there, and when he ran his thumb over the somewhat sore left nipple it sent a jolt straight to his crotch. “Is this your friend’s idea of a joke?”

“I- I’m sure there’s a perfectly reasonable explanation for- oh!” Stolas’s hand dropped down to Blitzo’s middle. “Did she get bigger again?”

Blitzo blinked, pressing his arm over his chest to try and compress them a little before mentally trying to tally how large his stomach had been before. “Oh, for fuck’s sake- this is like the fourth growth spurt!”

“She’s going to be nice and strong when she’s born.”

“Yeah, and she’s going to crack my fucking pelvis in half,” Blitzo said, sliding out of the bed and waddling over to a nearby mirror. Luckily, it was a full-size one so he could get a good view, and what a fucking view it was. A bit of the fat from his chest squished under his arms, his stomach was definitely bigger, and now that he was looking, he could see that his ass was even tighter in his pants. He was kind of afraid if he took them off he wouldn’t be able to get them back on again. “This is really fucking weird.”

“It is…” Stolas said, eyes wide. “Are you alright? Did it put any kind of… strain on your body?”

“Just because it doesn’t hurt doesn’t mean it isn’t weird as fuck,” Blitzo said, turning a bit on his feet to try and get a rough gauge of all the changes. The tits were definitely the most obvious, but it looked like his hips and stomach had both bulked up a bit. The hips weren’t necessarily an unwelcome change since it might help feeling like he was going to topple over if he walked for more than ten minutes at a time, but it was still fucking bizarre looking in the mirror and realizing that it was all him as he pinched a bit of his side with a grimace.

“Ugh. We just went shopping, and some of that shit is already going to be tight.” Fan-fucking-tastic.

“We can probably return the ones you didn’t wear yet,” Stolas said, voice airy and distant, and Blitzo spun around.

“What’s with- oh, come on!” Blitzo groaned- Stolas’s entire face was bright red, and it didn’t take a genius to put that together with ‘had been staring at Blitzo’s ass’. “Let me guess.” He smacked his butt, feeling the way the hand sunk into the cheek slightly in the process, and Stolas’s face somehow dialed closer to roughly Millie-shade as Blitzo’s eyebrow rose, tail snapping the air with a whipcrack. “You like this, huh?”

“I- well, you see, if it’s already happened-”

“Yeah, yeah, save it.” Blitzo reached over to his shirt. He’d leave the top few buttons off so he could hopefully not assassinate any more of their brethren. “I’m going to have a chat with Aamon.”

________________

The bird of the hour was located in his study, going over some papers that may or may not have been related to him, but at the moment, Blitzo couldn’t really care less as he stormed in with Stolas close behind.

“Oh, hello! Did you sleep well?” Aamon spun around.

“Cut the shit, edgar allan hoe.” Blitzo thrust his chest forward, squeezing the side of his left tit between his thumb and index finger. “What the fuck is this about?”

Aamon’s eyes widened as he slid off his chair, kneeling down in front of Blitzo and twisting his head to the side, midnight feathers fluffing up slightly. “Oh! That’s… unexpected.”

“What, are you telling me you didn’t know you were gonna give me-”

“It wasn’t intentional, at any rate.” Aamon adjusted his glasses. “There is a spell that permeates the palace that helps to encourage bodies to be slightly more well-suited to pregnancy if they’re currently with child that can be concentrated differently if they’re trying, but it normally reacts to magic, so I didn’t really think it would affect you.”

“Don’t you have your glowy eye shit?” Blitzo raised an eyebrow, and Aamon clicked his tongue.

“I only see the paths that I check. The important part was whether or not you chose to keep the child. Trying to go too far on specific scenarios or timelines without intent to see something specific just makes things go fuzzy.”

“Well, that sucks shit. Can you reverse it?”

Aamon nodded, shifting his weight from one knee to the other. “I could, but are you sure? If the spell worked on you, it may make the next month or so easier, especially considering you’re… on the smaller end for how big the child is.”

Blitzo growled, jabbing Aamon in the chest with his index finger. “Fuck you, I’m not being called a manlet by a guy who looks like he whacks it to step-sibling hentai in his free time.”

Aamon just laughed at that. “Oh, my taste is more refined than that! But I mean the fact that you’re an imp, plain and simple- the child is only going to grow larger in the next few weeks, and if you want to keep much mobility, it’s not a bad idea for the stability.” He gestured to Blitzo’s chest. “As for those, they aren’t really going to help with balance or anything like that, but they’ll be cheaper than formula.”

Blitzo blinked a few times. “Wait. Wait, are you telling me they’re gonna actually have milk?”

“Mhm, they should. I know milk is fairly rare on male-leaning imps who don’t already have more breast tissue, but if the spell affected you, it should come in a bit before the birth. I understand if you wouldn’t want that, though, and I could remove them if you’d like?”

Blitzo’s eyes dropped down to his chest, which still pressed loosely against the inside of his half-buttoned shirt. Yeah, the kid was going to have a beak, so it was probably a stupid idea, but wasn’t boob-milk supposed to be healthier or something? “So it wouldn’t be, like… weird magic milk that causes her to explode or some shit, right?”

Aamon shook his head, beak twitching on the edge. “No, it should be normal. I’m fairly sure I would be out of a job if I exploded the babies I helped to make.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Blitzo squeezed the left one again. “Are they gonna go away afterward?” At that, Aamon shrugged.

“I’m not sure. I could help remove them if they don’t, it’s not very difficult if they were formed from one of my spells.”

“And I could change my mind later, right?”

“You could, yes. As I said, it’s not a very difficult spell to counteract, it will just bring you back to the state your assets were in before it affected you. It shouldn’t reverse progress on the baby any.”

“Shit, I didn’t even think about that as an option.” Blitzo considered for a few seconds. “So it’s not gonna fuck up the kid any?”

“No. If anything, it might make her a bit healthier, that’s the whole point.”

“Hmm.” He drummed his fingers on top of his stomach, and Stolas cleared his throat.

“If I may cut in-”

“Oh, you just like me having a bigger ass, you don’t get a say in this.”

“It’s not that!” Stolas protested. “I was just going to say that if it helps you retain your mobility, that seems like a good thing. You didn’t enjoy it when you weren’t allowed to work anymore, so I can’t imagine it would be much better if you were bedbound.”

“...” That was… a good point. The milk thing could be pretty easily solved by formula that Stolas could help with if he decided against it, but having to be made completely helpless if the kid got even bigger over the next few weeks… yeah, no fucking thanks.

“Alright, I’ll leave it, but you’re still a fucking dick for not telling me this was a possibility,” Blitzo said, narrowing his eyes at Aamon, who stood back up.

“I apologize. It won’t cause any harm to you, I promise- the child was probably hungry for magic, considering how quickly the changes took place and the fact that you aren’t naturally inclined to it. It might not be a bad idea to spend more time with Stolas or other magic users if you know any.”

“Right.” That wouldn’t be a problem, he was probably going to be seeing a lot more of Stolas over the next month anyway. “Any other advice, considering this is your whole schtick?”

“I know you have a lot of planning left to do, but try and relax.” Aamon squeezed his shoulders, and Blitzo would have jerked away except they were weirdly, comfortingly warm. “You’ll do fine. Allow your friends and family- and Stolas- to help you. She’ll be alright.”

“Pssh, I could have gotten that from one of those cheap magazines with the ink that rubs off on your fingers.” Still, when he shrugged Aamon’s hands off his shoulders, it was with a slight smile. “So, any suggestions for actual practical shit?”

“Oh, yes!” He turned around, rummaging for a moment before handing Blitzo a stack of magazines and books that he nearly dropped from sheer weight. “I do expect the books back, just give them to Stolas, but these may be helpful. The magazines are ones that I’ve found have particularly good quality equipment- cribs, changing tables, that sort of thing. Many royal couples have someone to do that sort of thing for them, so I’m glad I can help you directly!”

Blitzo blinked. “Uh, thanks.” Aamon’s eyes had brightened and his smile had widened, scaly tail wagging. “I’ll take a look.” More likely Moxxie would with the books, but he’d skim them, probably. “Anything else?”

“I’m here for questions. You’re technically a client now, just route them through Stolas since he knows how to get in contact with me.”

“I don’t have to pay for this, do I?”

Aamon shook his head. “No, I don’t get paid for my work, it’s just part of my job. I’ve never gotten to see the particular mix of a Goetian and an imp, though, especially not in the pregnancy stage, so it’ll be interesting. Do tell me when she’s born, and I’ll send a gift basket!” He bounced slightly on his clawed feet, still grinning.

“Eh, I’ll keep it in mind.”

“We certainly will if there’s anything that comes up.” Stolas reached forward, clasping Aamon’s hand. “Thank you again.”

“Always a pleasure to help a friend. Give Octavia my regards,” Aamon said, nodding his head at Stolas. “And that advice goes for you as well. Don’t take everything on yourself. I know we can’t let anyone know yet, that will be up to you, but you have your… your…” He glanced down at Blitzo, who shrugged.

“Fuck if we know.”

“Your partner, and anyone he has on his side.” Aamon squeezed Stolas’s hand back. “I wish you both the best of luck.”

Partner. Blitzo wasn’t sure how to feel about how official that sounded, but Stolas had only barely muffled an excited little hoot from how his feathers had fluffed, and Blitzo took a step towards him, setting a hand on his hip and tugging him closer.

“Thanks. We’re gonna need it.”

[cuquitalocita]

a secret valentine- percabeth

AN: hi! yes, hello, i haven’t written in a HOT MINUTE but today i put on a timer for half an hour and forced myself to write so here are the results! happy valentine’s day everyone and i hope you enjoy this little bit of percabeth fluff! also! a shoutout to the people who are also single but more importantly shout out to my favorite human being in the ENTIRE WORLD @alaenawrites​ i HIGHLY?? recommend following her?? thanks for beta reading it and... yeah... i love you so please enjoy!

Part Two

~~

“Gods, isn’t that enough?” Annabeth shot a venomous look at the boy next to her who now held a massive pile of books for her. She had just stacked on another one and he glared at it in disgust as Annabeth ran her fingers along the spines of the remaining books on the shelf.

“If you have an issue Jackson, feel free to leave,” she snapped, knowing he wouldn’t because of their group of friends who were wandering around them through the book store. Jason had convinced Percy to hold her books for her as she shopped, saying something about getting on her good side and Annabeth had merely snorted, muttering something about the chances of that happening. It had been an hour of annoying comments and him following her around the store while Annabeth picked specifically heavier books to shove into his arms one by one.

“A man can dream,” he muttered and Annabeth rolled her eyes as Piper watched them. Piper opened her mouth to say something when both her and Percy looked up at her, their matching glares directed for each other but instead being projected onto their innocent immediately had her snapping her mouth shut.

“You know what? Never mind. Jase!” she called to her boyfriend who was sitting in one of the comfortable looking chairs at the front of the store. He pushed his glasses back up his well shaped nose as he looked up at his girlfriend, a charming smile beginning to bloom on his face. He stood up and Annabeth swore his massive frame cast a shadow over her books. 

“Ready to go ladies?” he asked and the girls nodded, heading over to the register, Percy trailing behind them. 

“Got enough books Chase? Or have you not gone broke just yet?” Annabeth stiffened and rolled her eyes although he couldn’t see her and spun around with a glare, gray eyes flashing. He padded up next to her and dropped her books unceremoniously onto the counter for her to pay.  

“Got enough brain cells Jackson? Or have you wasted too many of them making stupid comments?” Percy Jackson only smirked back at her, a cold thing unlike what he gave most of their other friends. She hated admitting how attractive he was. Percy was easily handsome, with pretty golden skin and disheveled black hair. He opened his mouth, clearly ready to snap something back at her when another voice interrupted them.

“Chicos, chicos!” Leo came up behind Annabeth, throwing his arm around her shoulders with an easy grin. “Let’s not fight guys! It is almost Valentine’s day after all.” Annabeth resisted rolling her eyes at the mention of the ridiculous holiday and turned back to the register, ignoring the burning gaze of the blue-green eyes she knew were following her every move. 

“Speaking of,” Percy said, clearly no longer addressing her. “I better head back home. We’re finishing moving Mom’s stuff out of the apartment by tomorrow.” 

The group smiled at the mention of Sally Blofis, the newly married mother of their group and even Annabeth couldn’t hold back a twinge of her lips. She absolutely adored the woman. Annabeth guessed her adorable four year old daughter didn’t hurt either. Her son was a different story. 

“See you tomorrow though?” he asked to the group. Piper snorted.

“Nice try, Percy,” she laughed. “But tomorrow’s Valentine’s day so I’ll be stealing your boyfriend for the entire day.” Annabeth turned around in time for Percy to fake a pout and ignored what it made the butterflies in her stomach do. “So he’s off limits.” 

“I’ll be your valentine, Jackson. As long as you’re okay buying the chocolate,” Leo called over from where he was leaning on Annabeth. Percy rolled his eyes.

“Please. The only person stupid enough to be your valentine is you.” Annabeth laughed a little and Leo frowned, pushing himself off of her.

“I wouldn’t be laughing if I were you, Beth. Last I checked, you’re flying solo too.” Annabeth rolled her eyes and smacked Leo over the back of his head with a book.

“See if you can find where I care, Valdez,” she snapped back.

Piper snickered from across from them. “You and Percy should be valentine’s Annabeth, since you’re both single anyway.” If Annabeth had been drinking water, she would have spit it out all over her friends in shock. Piper could clearly tell and was doubled over laughing, clutching at her stomach where Jason held her by the waist, rolling his eyes fondly. 

“As if,” Percy cut her off from responding with a roll of his eyes. “She couldn’t take her nose out of a book long enough to give me the time of day.”

“And he couldn’t get his head out of his ass long enough to listen to a thing I say,” Annabeth added on, shooting the boy a glare that he gladly returned. 

“Don’t flatter yourself into thinking you’d say anything worth listening to Chase,” he sneered and Annabeth shoved one of her books back into her bag. 

“Don’t you have some movers to go annoy? I’m sure they’d appreciate your company much more than we do,” Annabeth snapped back. They held fiery eye contact for the next couple of seconds before Leo cleared his throat awkwardly. 

“On that note,” he laughed nervously. “We should probably go meet Frank and Hazel at the cafe.” Percy muttered something about no longer wanting to be in a room with ‘that know-it-all blonde’ and exited the book store, not looking back. 

Annabeth glared at her boots as Piper came to stand next to her.

“You could try to get along with him you know. It’s been years of this, and it’s seriously starting to get bad.” Annabeth straightened her shoulders and looked her friend in the face, her eyes blazing with determination. 

“The day I get along with Percy Jackson is the day I die.”

~~

Annabeth had just finished pinning her hair up with the owl pendant she had been gifted for her birthday last year when she heard a knock at her door. The cheap apartment she had rented for her stay during college was sketchy to say the least, and she could hear the knock all the way from her room. She didn’t know who would be coming to her house on Valentine’s day. Wasn’t everyone with their person? Glancing at the bathroom light that was still on she walked to the living room, smoothing her hands over her white jeans as she walked. 

She swung the door open to see none other than her best friend, flowers and pints of ice cream in tow.

“Piper?” Annabeth asked incredulity. “What are you doing here?” Piper rolled her eyes and let herself in.

“Please, Annabeth. You’re much too smart not to know what I’m doing here.” She stopped at her couch and sat down, her eyed twinkling with mischief. “Jason and I decided that we could push our dinner back to next week, considering he’s busy studying for midterms right now anyway, and you said you were gonna be alone this Valentine’s day, so I figured we’d make it Galentine’s day.” 

She smiled and something inside of her warmed at the gesture her friend had made for her. Another part of her blared red flashing lights. 

“Pipes, thank you so much but you really didn’t have to do that,” she reasoned, hoping the nice words would convince her friend to get her ass off of the couch and leave. “I’m not feeling too good anyway and I think I might be coming down with something. You should go before you catch it,” she smiled. “Maybe there’s still time to find Jase and go to dinner.” 

Piper shook her head, grabbing the remote and turning on the TV. “Come on Annabeth, I think your pride can take this one. You’ve been alone on Valentine’s day before and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. So what do you think? The Notebook or Message in a Bottle? You should change too,” she added, glancing at Annabeth’s fancy jeans and pretty gray top. She hoped Piper hadn’t noticed the extra makeup she had on that she usually forgoes.

Her heart pounded in her ears and Annabeth tried once more what she knew was impossible.

“Pipes, I really think that-”

“Hey Wise Girl? What time is our reserva...” Annabeth’s eyes slammed shut in defeat as the voice carried out from her bedroom and her shirtless boyfriend walked out to the living room, his sentence trailing off as he took in the girl on the couch. His green eyes widened in shock and his mouth formed a perfectly shocked ‘o’ shape. Annabeth mirrored the sentiment. They were screwed.

Piper was off of the couch in a flash her eyes wider than she had ever seen them and Annabeth pondered exactly what was going through her best friend’s head. She clearly decided to say the first thing that came to her mind.

“Bullshit.” 

Percy burst out a laugh and Annabeth glared at him, effectively shutting him up for the time being. He ran out of the room and came back seconds later, now wearing a shirt.

“Before you say anything,” Annabeth started. “Let us explain.”

“Explain what exactly?” Piper cut her off. “How you’ve been dating the boy you’ve been claiming to hate for the past seven years? Or how you’re a much better actress than we give you credit for?” Annabeth winced at the statement but Percy was there in an instant, his arm wrapping itself around her waist in a comforting hold.

“Easy Pipes,” his voice was a warning and Annabeth squeezed the hand that rested on her waist, shooting the boy next to her a thankful look. He only pressed his lips to her temple in response and Annabeth melted a little bit.

Piper caught the act, her eyes widening even more somehow. “Damn. So this is real?” The two nodded and Percy’s hand squeezed her waist a little bit. Annabeth gazed at her friend warily, her nerves dissipating when Piper’s face broke into a massive grin. 

“You know what this means?” Percy had dropped his head to Annabeth’s shoulder and was playing with one of her curls.

“I can finally stop pretending to hate my girlfriend?” he asked into Annabeth’s neck and she laughed as his wild hair tickled her. She kissed his cheek and turned back to Piper, who’s grin was now positively victorious. 

“No,” she replied, reaching for her phone and dialing a number, her smile never leaving her face. “It means Valdez owes me fifty bucks.”

~~

“Person A doesn’t know Person B and Person C are together until Person C walks into Person B’s room on Valentine’s Day without knocking.”

~~

that’s it. also can someone please give me prompts cause i wanna try to write more :)

[slashiest-slasher]

for @slashthedice‘s Frisky February event!

Day 1: Dirty Talk

Billy Lenz x male s/o

It's on these still winter nights, when the snow outside is undisturbed that Billy is his sweetest. As soon as the holidays are over, he comes down from his high, and crawls down from the freezing attic and into your bed once everything in the house has settled down for the night.

The sorority sisters, who were kind enough to smuggle you into the unused bedroom after you had a falling out with your roommates, look the other way. Oh, you have a boyfriend you smuggle in? Their lips are sealed. No one was going to find out about it. Any nasty rumor your old roommates try to spread about you you sleep with will be swiftly snuffed out

Even on nights like this, they should know better, with the snow so unmarred and sparkling under the street lamps, and casting an amber hue through your bedroom windows. Snow is drifted into large piles in the front lawn and side of the house by frenzied gusts. The fat flakes of snow falling blot out the black night sky, and everything seems frozen in time.

It has been snowing for days, and doesn't seem like it's going to stop any time soon. Everyone else in the house decided not to bother trying to get home on time, leaving the house empty and dark. Just you and Billy, and Claude curled up on the couch downstairs.

You had corralled Billy underneath you, his eyes going wide, and with a kiss, stealing the air from his lungs. You try to keep your kissing slow, spilling everything you wish he could understand into each press of your lips. Billy is difficult man to love, each declaration faded away after each episode, like his mind has been scrubbed clean. Sometimes it's hours, or days, or weeks, but eventually he forgets, and hurts each time.

He remembers you, and the solid weight of our body on his, and fell of your sweaty skin shifting against him, but none of your sweet nothings, each whispered claim of lovely or brilliant or mad or yours. And each time you whisper your admiration, you can see that twinkling in his eyes like he knows he should be remembering something, but he never does.

He jerks his head away from yours, and stares at you with those owl like hazel eyes. "W-want you in my, your big fucking cock splitting me open," he whines and giggles, clutching at your sides and rolling up against you. "I-I-I'll take you so fucking good. Nrrrgh!" He loses control of his voice when you grind down against him and pant against his neck.

"Yeah?" you pant against his cheek. "And what would you do if I walked away? Just left you here so needy and desperate for my cock?" You get a hand between you two, and tease the outline of his painfully hard cock, playing with the button of his jeans.

Billy gasps and clings tightly to you, almostly painfully. "No!" he yells, burning anger seeping in. "You don't get to- to lead me on, naughty whore! Bitch slut, I'm going to f-f-f-fuck! He gets you out of your shirt, and rakes angry red lines down your back, trying to hold on closer.

You hold him down into the bed, getting your back just out of his grasp. "No, what you're going to do is get yourself out of those clothes while I go and raid Barb's KY jelly so I can fuck you into the mattress, okay?"

Billy snaps his mouth closed and nods, and doesn't even wait until you're fully out of the bed before he's ripping his turtleneck off, and squirming out of his jeans. This normally wouldn't be an issue, but Billy got overzealous with the lube your last go round. And Barb really wouldn't mind. She did anal, so she knew how much it hurt otherwise, right?

There's a note attached to it that you ignore as you snatch it and head back to your room. Billy is sprawled across your bed, desperately working himself, as if he had completely forgotten you the moment you left. He flinches when you place a hand on his wrist. "Do you want me to prep you, or do you want to do it?"

Billy hums around the fingers he has in his mouth. "You," he states. "F-feels fucking good when you do it."

You rid yourself of the rest of your clothes, overtly aware of Billy's eyes on you the entire time, and kneel between his legs.

The moment you slide a finger in, Billy is mewling and squirming underneath you, begging for another already. And you know he is, he's always ready, so you oblige and scissor him. He stammers out half formed cuss words and moans when you press into his prostate, back arching and hands grasping your shoulders

"If you think this is good, just wait until I'm actually in you. Bet you're real tight, but you can take it Billy, can't you?"

He nods frantically and whines. "Now! Now, I want you in now! Fuck naughty Billy-" he moans at the loss of your fingers, but you're quick to fill him right back up with you cock. You hitch his thighs up around your waist and keep a steady, solid pace.

And Christ, he's tight, and from wailing moans, he likes it just as much as you do. "Feel so good, Billy. You like it when I fuck you like this? You just gotta take what I give you, but you love it. You talk all big about how you want to make me your fuck toy, but you were made for this, made for me making you my bitch."

And it's truly a throw up, because Billy sets a hars, fast pace that makes your eyes roll back into your head, but he also squeezed an entire bottle of lube into your ass because he thought it would be hilarious. At least it made everything sloppy and slick when he rammed into you.

Billy is normally quite the chatterbox, spilling filth from his mouth, but aside from his moans, and stuttering "fuck"s he doesn't say much. You don't really like it, but Billy feels amazing wrapped around your cock.

He mutters something, but you can't quite hear it, so you order him to speak up. When he does, it's not his own voice. "Br-brilliant mad boy, my l-lovely br-br-brilliant mad boy," he get out, quiet and soft as if he was unsure of what he was actually saying.

It takes you so off guard in the best kind of way that you let out a long moan and bury yourself inside Billy, he follows pretty close behind, full of your cock and cum, gasping out for a breath he can't seem to catch.

You collapse on top of him, and don't even care about the tears trailing down your face. You hold his face between your hands, ignoring the creeping exhaustion and you stare at him, lips trembling and eyebrows furrowed. He mimics, wiping away the wetness on your cheeks and smiling through the blissed out look he has.

When doesn't say anything, you pull him close and kiss him through the tears.

[in-tua-deep]

What type of wand and patronus Would the kids have in Hogwarts AU? Would any be animagi?

okay we are really scraping the barrel of my harry potter knowledge here,,, i didn’t even finish the books guys have mercy on me i genuinely had to do vague research to answer this but here we go

Luther: 

Wood: Holly. Holly wants often choose people engaged in dangerous or spiritual quests, and I mean Luther’s search for answers and the truth and figuring out his feelings regarding his father and his family is certainly a big old quest in my books. The wood is considered protective, which I thought would be a nice match for Luther’s durability and ability to act as a shield for his siblings.

Core: Unicorn hair. I just like the symbolism of loyalty to their first ‘owner’ and Luther struggling with breaking his connection to Reginald tbh. It’s also a very consistent wand core and Luther if anything is a creature of habit (he stayed at home and took orders for years) and would appreciate the loyalty and consistency of a unicorn hair core.

Diego: 

Wood: Blackthorn. This wood is supposed to be best suited to a warrior, and Diego is very much a fighter. This wand wood is found among aurors as well as people in Azkaban, which I thought would be a nice tie in since Diego has a strong moral compass but also tends to operate outside the law. The blackthorn bush was wicked thorns, and Diego does tend to be a prickly person, but is also has sweet berries which I’m making symbolically represent the soft squishy side we all know he has.

Core: Dragon heartstring. A powerful core that learns quickly, but is also the most temperamental. Which I feel like matches Diego pretty well? He’s got his own mood swings but is a powerful individual who goes out of his way to help others even when there’s no real reward in it for him. 

Allison: 

Wood: Silver lime. Silver lime is a very pretty wand and also has a reputation for performing best for seers and those skilled in legilimency. Of which Allison ends up being exceptionally proficient in. She ends up being really good at all the mind arts, actually. If you need to obliviate someone, Allison is someone you want on your side. Plus the status the wand wood gives matches her ambition.

Core: Veela hair. It’s a temperamental wand core, but I feel like Allison has the stubbornness and mental fortitude to succeed with this wand core. She can be temperamental as well for sure lmao but also I like Veela hair for the effect veelas have on people which could be considered a soft of mind magic. Allison’s wand is literally the “mind magic wand” okay that is all

Klaus: 

Wood: Sycamore. Sycamore is a questing want that is eager for new experiences and, when bored, will literally combust. If that isn’t the perfect wand for someone as much as drama queen as Klaus then I don’t know what is?? The wand is for those curious and adventurous, and I mean. Look. People don’t wax their ass with chocolate pudding because they’re boring, and they don’t stay in Vietnam during a war for a year without having enough courage for a few adventures

Core: Thestral hair. Come on, I didn’t go with a wand wood associated with death but this one was free for the taking. Invisible creatures visible to those who see death??? Come ON. It’s perfect for Klaus no I will not take any criticism. Apparently it’s unstable but I mean so is Klaus, so. 

Five: 

Wood: Red Oak. Red oak wands tend to choose people who are quick-witted and adaptable. Did I choose this wand wood just because of the words adaptable in the description? Maybe so. It’s a very good duelling wand, which Five excels at (a nod to his assassin/sniper skills in the show) with fast reactions (a nod to his jumping). 

Core: Thunderbird tail feather. A powerful core, but difficult to master. I feel like Five would be someone who has a somewhat temperamental wand that he needs to earn the respect of. Apparently this core can sense danger and cast curses on their own which I feel like Five would find cool since his whole things is being reactive and adaptive. I feel like him and his wand become super bros eventually.

Ben: 

Wood: Rowan. Rowan is a wood that likes the clear-headed and pure-hearted but also takes no shit. Okay it doesn’t say that but it does say that they frequently outperform other wands in duels despite the virtuous reputation, which I feel is fitting for Ben lmao. Rowan has a reputation for being protective, and I feel like Ben really excels at defensive magic?? He doesn’t like fighting but will it he has to

Core: Dittany stalk. There’s not really much info as a wand core, but as a herb it’s healing and restorative. Since I like the idea of Ben eventually pursuing being a mediwizard, I like the idea of him having a wand core associated with healing and fixing things. Ben is also like, the capybara sibling who no one wants to offend and as such can force others to get along so I feel like that’s appropriate as well! Since they all do research into their wand cores, Ben’s knowledge of Dittany comes in handy. Especially during their fifth year lmao

Vanya: 

Wood: Vine. Vine goes to witches and wizards with hidden depths, who seeks a greater purpose and astound those who know them best. I mean. Vanya definitely had hidden depth, had ambitions (first chair), and astounded her family by revealing her powers and destroying the world so. I also kind of like it symbolically, since vine isn’t wood from a tree so it’s not something you would think of as a wand wood which speaks to Vanya going under the radar

Core: Phoenix feather. The greatest range of magic, but take the longest to reveal themselves. I mean, Vanya’s powers certainly took a long time to manifest considering Reginald highkey drugged her for all of her childhood so there’s that. Phoenixes are independent and detached, and Vanya herself is the most independent in the show (has a stable job, has an apartment, published author, etc.) and the most detached (isolated for her entire life) so look it fits okay.

As for patronuses (patroni?) uhhHHHH

I feel like Luther’s is a lion (house pride), a bear (strength), or a dog (loyalty)

Diego’s is probably a wolf because he’s a ‘lone wolf’ that is actually very sappy and loves his dumbass pack no matter how much he denies it

Allison is uh? Maybe a snake (house pride/associations with manipulations), or some kind of bird. Don’t know why I just feel like she would have a nice bird patronus. Maybe some symbolic thing about her being the one to spread her wings and actually get married and have a kid in the show idk i’m making this up as I go along folks

Klaus probably gets a raven or a cat? Both very intelligent creatures with some association to death or bad luck (in the case of a black cat, depending on where you live)

Five hmm. My heart says a hare or a hummingbird perhaps? I like the idea of a hummingbird because of how quick it is, if you aren’t watching closely it really is like it does tiny baby teleports! Or maybe a fox, for the association with cunning?

Ben: obvious joke answer is an octopus or a squid lmao bring in some of the casual horror symbolism. Hey do you think Ben is chill with the great squid in the lake??? I’m not sure though in all seriousness. Maybe a rat like in the daemon au? Intelligent and very good creatures uwu

Vanya: HMM. An owl? or maybe something super fancy like a phoenix actually. I feel like there’s plenty of symbolism regarding phoenixes that could match up well with Vanya, including but not limited to her whole being reborn as the White Violin thing in the show yeah you know what i’m going with phoenix why not

As for being animagi - yes! The whole squad starts working towards it in their 5th year with some prompting from ghost!Fred after an Incident Occurs but I have no idea what their forms would be tbh outside of stuff I already suggested for them with patronuses. Though I guess their patronus could be one thing I considered and their animagus forms another?? Who knows!

Author’s notes: 

Luther I almost picked Ebony just for stubborn points. I liked Pine for Diego until I got to the point of “these wands are destined for long lived people” and then i was like lmao nope that’s none of the Hargreeves save perhaps Five they all died at thirty. Allison I also considered Elm and Applewood for, Applewood especially if I remember correctly.

I liked Aspen and Maple for Five a lot! Aspen I like for the dramatic imagery of Five with a white wand I’ll admit lmao but I like what I ended up choosing. Klaus I also liked Yew (but felt it was too obvious because it’s supposed to be a wand with power over life and death) and Dogwood, which is apparently for mischievous and loud witches and wizards. Fred and George had dogwood wands!!

Ben I also considered Alder and Beech but I liked Rowan better lmao. Vanya was so hard!! I really loved Elder for her with its deeply unlucky association. I also really liked Cedar since it “carries the potential to be a frightening adversary, which often comes as a shock to those who have thoughtlessly challenged them” which I feel is very Vanya

alright that’s all i got for now i’m tired and looking at wand woods is way more in depth than i was originally planning on going for this au lmao if you have different opinions or suggestions i would love to hear them uwu

[ericsonclan]

Meat-tivity

Summary: Marlon and Mitch get a brilliant idea.

Word Count: 1387

Read on A03:

Clementine walked into the breakroom to find Marlon and Mitch tittering and chuckling as they both crouched over Marlon’s phone at the table. Raising an eyebrow, Clementine made her way over to them, trying to get a look at what was on the phone from behind.

Marlon was the first to notice her. “Oh, hey Clem. Just got in?”

“Yep. What are you guys giggling about?”

Mitch snorted. “We were laughing at this whack ass list of Christmas nativities Marlon found. People do the weirdest things for Christmas,”

“Oh yeah? Like what?” Clementine leaned forward to see the photos. There certainly were a lot of them. Some of the nativities were kitschy like a clay owl nativity or a balloon animal one while others were geeky like a Star Wars nativity featuring only R2Ds and another comprised of all the Justice league superheroes.

“Bet Aasim has the R2D2 one at his place,” Mitch commented with a smirk.

Marlon chuckled. “Wonder what Ruby will think when she sees that,”

Clementine smiled at the pair’s banter as they continued to scroll through the nativity pictures. The nativities didn’t seem that crazy to her, but she was glad that these two were having a good time with them.

“Now that one’s cute,” Marlon commented as they scrolled past a picture of an all dog nativity.

“Eh, this one is more my speed,” Mitch pointed to a nativity featuring various kinds of alcohol as the figures. Suddenly Mitch stopped scrolling through the list on Marlon’s phone. “Holy shit, this is the best one of all!” He held it up so both Marlon and Clementine could see it clearly. The photo showed a casserole dish on top of which was all the standard pieces of the nativity: barn, shepherds, baby Jesus, but every piece was composed entirely of meat. “It’s a meat-tivity!” Mitch exclaimed with glee.

“Dude, that’s awesome!” Marlon chuckled before taking a screenshot of the nativity. “Gotta show that to Sophie later. It’ll crack her up,”

“You don’t think…” Mitch began, slowly eyeing Marlon then looking up at Clementine.

Clementine raised an eyebrow. “Think what?”

“Should we maybe… make a meat-tivity of our own?” Mitch’s voice dropped to a conspiratorial whisper.

“Hell yeah!” Marlon raised his hand in the air for a high five which Mitch immediately returned. “Let’s do it!”

“You guys have fun with that. I’ve got work to do,” Clementine declared as she walked out of the break room. Both guys were still discussing the meat-tivity as she left. It was good to see them getting into the Christmas spirit, that is, if a project like this counted.

“Alright guys, the moment has arrived!” Mitch announced as everyone gathered round the table in the break room. Louis had allowed the morning meeting to be interrupted when Mitch and Marlon declared they had something special to show the whole crew. Marlon stood behind Mitch, proudly holding a tinfoil casserole dish covered by a dishcloth. Placing it in the center of the table, he began a drumroll. “I present to you the MEAT-TIVITY!!” Mitch bellowed “1…2…3!”

The dishcloth was pulled back to reveal the most bizarre nativity any of them had ever seen. The base of the casserole dish was a meatloaf, forming the foundation upon which the nativity would be built. Slabs of meatloaf had also been cut out of the corners to be used as building blocks for the stable in which the nativity took place. The stable ceiling however was made of bacon, draped over a tinfoil skeleton and baked to crispness.

All the figures from the shepherds to the wise men to Mary, Joseph and baby Jesus were made from miniature sausages. Their clothes appeared to be a mix of bologna and more bacon while their arms were made from toothpicks. Peppercorns formed the eyes of all the cast and the three wise men all had teeny tinfoil crowns. Some of the animals had been made out of sausages as well, though these ones seemed to be stuck together on burnt pretzel bits.

“Well, what does everyone think?” Mitch asked with a cheeky grin.

“What’s that?” Violet pointed to a vague brown blob resting against the side of the stable.

“That’s a camel,” Marlon replied. “It’s made out of hamburger,”

“It looks like manure,”

“It sort of… melted after we baked it,”

Ruby looked truly pissed. Her arms were crossed and her eyes narrowed as she stared down both boys. “Well I for one find the whole thing offensive. It’s sacrilegious!”

“More like sacri-licious,” Mitch quipped, popping one of the wise men in his mouth.

Louis stepped forward to deescalate the situation. “Well you two, as much as we love your enthusiasm and creative spirit, we can’t have you keep your, um, ‘meat-tivity’ here at work. It could be seen as funny, but it also could understandably offend people,”

Marlon’s eyes were sad as he looked down at his meat-tivity then back at Ruby. “Sorry, Ruby. We didn’t mean anything by it. It was just a joke,”

Ruby’s eyes softened. “I know you didn’t mean anything by it, Sug, but it just don’t sit right with me to see baby Jesus wrapped in bacon and lying on a meatball manger,”

“It is a bit much,” Brody agreed quietly.

“I think it’s awesome!” Willy declared, smiling over at his big brother who’d let him stay for the big reveal.

“Yeah!” AJ agreed, high-fiving Willy. “It’s the best nativity ever!”

“Clearly opinions are split. That’s why it has to go. Sorry, guys,” Louis said with a shrug.

“Well what are we supposed to do with this?” Mitch asked with an exasperated huff. “I don’t want this thing stinking up my fridge at home!”

“You could throw it out…?” Louis suggested.

“But we put so much work into it!” Marlon protested. ‘It’d be a shame to just throw it all away!”

“You could eat it,” Clementine suggested. “It is made out of meat after all,”

That piqued the guys’ interest. Marlon and Mitch shared a long look before both nodding. Sitting down on opposite sides of the table, they dug in, shoving their hands into the meatloaf and pulling out large chunks.

“Good Lord, use some cutlery!” Ruby protested. “This is a restaurant for goodness’ sake!”

“This is how real men eat!” Mitch shot back, his mouth full of meatloaf. “Anyone who wants to join in, go right ahead!”

They didn’t get very many takers. Most people headed out after Louis gave a few quick announcements. A few lingered to watch the carnage while the adventurous few tried a couple bites themselves. Willy and A.J. were the first volunteers and the most invested in eating some of the mysterious meat-tivity. Clementine watched her little brother in amusement as he dug in with his bare hands and participated in the manly destruction of the meat-tivity. She was glad this had taken place on a Saturday so A.J. could join in the fun. Pulling out her phone, she snuck a few pictures of the meat-tivity being devoured.

Marlon paused and smiled for a photo as he saw it was being taken. His face was covered in bacon grease and bits of meatloaf littered his chin. “Can you send me that photo, Clem? I got some shots of the meat-tivity in its different stages and the finished product. That picture will round out the set,”

“Sure, Marlon,” Clementine glanced over to see Louis hesitantly nibbling on one of the sheep. She captured the moment and grinned as her boyfriend self-consciously blushed at being caught in the act.

“It’s not half bad,” he murmured, biting into the miniature sausage torso.

“If you say so. I think I’ll stick to photography,”

They got about two thirds of the way through the meat-tivity before all the participants were too full to continue and the rest of the creation was inevitably thrown into the trash. As Clementine scrolled through the pictures of the impromptu feast, she felt a happy glow within herself. Had meat-tivity actually kickstarted the Christmas spirit within her? She supposed crazier things had happened. Tucking her phone away, Clementine headed toward the front of the house to start her shift. In the end, the meat-tivity had indeed brought several of them joy; it truly was a Christmas miracle.

[fieldfullofbangtan]

bts hc: as wizards

 you can thank sims 4 realm of magic and the fact that my hair is now ~pastel pink~ for this magical mess. it was super nostalgic researching harry potter spells and charms and now i really want to rewatch the entire harry potter series.

made it long because i feel like i’ve left yall on read for a while :p

(credit to this person on Amino that wrote an awesome post about the members and their wands/patronuses!)

Seokjin

griffindor

patronus: mink

wand: mahogany

clever and funny

he’s brave but also kinda a wuss

the ghosts just roaming about the school terrify him

plus HAVE YOU SEEN THE SIZE OF THE SPIDERS OUT THERE?

truly is the eomma of all the griffindors

mostly learns spells that improve his looks and lifestyle

pimples? PFFT.

hasn’t showered in 4 days? boi still smells like a field of roses

what even is expelliarmus?

would turn himself into a flower first chance he gets

“this is my true form”

queue the rest of the members putting him in a cupboard and just leaving him there

cleans up everybody’s messes

the type of wizard that uses Lumos to get good lighting for a selfie

will prefer home cooked food over this magical crap any day

“wtf is this.”

“chocolate frogs!”

“... YOU CALL THIS FOOD?”

Namjoon

griffindor

patronus: magpie

wand: fir

intelligent and a strong leader

fir wands demand strength and power from their owners

a total klutz but he has jin that can save him

also the spell reparo comes in handy A LOT

his clumsiness becomes life threatening when magic is involved

“Incendio! OH SHIT”

“WTF WHY WOULD YOU LIGHT ME ON FIRE MAN?”

“Sorry Jin I was just trying to make you stay still!”

“THATS IMMOBULUS YOU DUMBASS”

woopsie indeed

not permitted to ride his broom anymore

last time he almost killed himself and four others

everybody loves him anyways

especially the teachers because he’s a teachers pet

it’s not his fault he’s a genius

who occasionally sets his friends on fire

potion-making will likely end badly

cut him some slack k

he has a lot on his plate

(can i just say how much i love this account and their art, please check them out)

Yoongi

slytherin

patronus: buzzard

wand: vine

sly mf

introverted but can be super talkative if he wants something

cold exterior but has a warm heart

always trying to better himself

that trait doesn’t really go hand in hand with his love for sleep

will use the bewitched sleep charm on himself

and the protego spell to keep people away from him

“hey hyung”

“im sleeping”

“but hyung-”

“Flipendo”

*jimin flies across the fkn room*

“i said im sleeping”

he’ll kiss his head sorry later don’t worry

arrives 10 minutes late on the dot to every class 

doesn’t fail them tho

secretly nerdy cuz he reads a lot

also acts tough but gets scared easy

defense against the dark arts class is the worst for him

hard shell but a true softie on the inside

Hoseok

hufflepuff

patronus: polecat 

wand: dogwood

needs to be saved

the talking paintings have it in for him

they’ll pose perfectly still until he walks past and they’ll scare the shit out of him

waves around his wand and yells ‘Riddikulus’ at anything mildly unnerving

he’s an angel tho

a true hufflepuff

knows everyone in school

could burn the school down and nobody would be mad at him

you’d think his scaredy ass wouldn’t be a prankster

and you’d be wrong

he uses his magic for good and for evil

good as in he makes everyone around him happy

evil as in sometime he’ll use immobulus on his friends so that he can cuddle the shit out of them

gets in trouble thanks to his imbecile friends

“don’t worry hobi the forbidden forest is just a myth, its totally harmless”

*3 minutes later he fkn faints from seeing a normal sized spider*

“I TRUSTED YOU JUNGKOOK”

Jimin

slytherin

patronus: dapple gray stallion

wand: willow

sneaky but sweet slytherin

the kinda person who looks super sweet and innocent

but will wreck you in a duel

he’s a shy boy

until you get him out of his shell

or get him drunk

all the girls have the hots for him

some guys as well

maybe even one or two professors

though he will deny it until his last breath

a hard core perfectionist so he won’t be satisfied until his spells and potions are absolutely perfect

the one spell he knows perfectly is the healing spell

thanks to his friends because he has to use it on them constantly

Namjoon sprained his ankle falling down the stairs?

“episkey”

Jungkook got hit in the face with the Quaffle ball?

“episkey”

Hoseok fell off his broom?

“oh for fucks sake... episkey”

everyone would be hopeless without him

and injured

Taehyung

hufflepuff

patronus: chestnut mare

wand: hazel

a wonderful... mess

super lovable 

makes everyone around him feel comfortable

doesn't shy away from his emotions

which is a great thing

until he gets angry and lights something on fire

or sad and casts a mute bubble around him so nobody can talk to him

or god forbid overly happy and energetic

he will wingardium leviosa the shit out of everyone and everything

“FLY MY FRIENDS FLY”

yoongi wont have it

“TAEHYUNG IF YOU DONT LET ME DOWN RIGHT NOW I WILL KILL YOU”

care of magical creatures is his favorite class

he has a weird bond with all the animals

he even talks to them as if they talk back and weirdly enough it seems like they understand

could probably befriend a dragon

definately the one in the group that has a toad for a pet companion

jungkook made him join quidditch

looking back it was a dumb idea

now he’s obsessed and would probably risk his life just to win

passionate boy

he truly is a blessing to the people around him 

Jungkook

ravenclaw

patronus: black stallion

wand: hornbeam

smart

and athletic

and handsome

do i sense a true ravenclaw

always has to be right

super argumentative and competitive

“Im right you’re wrong shut up”

obviously undefeated at quidditch

and obviously the one who catches the golden snitch

has forced everyone except namjoon to play and it’s a mess

“Hoseok you have to get the ball through the rings not pass it to the opposite team”

“You have to actually fly around Yoongi you cant just be still”

“Ok I know I said tackling was allowed but you can’t grab onto someone elses broom Jimin”

he’s got a lot on his plate but he’s still having fun

only because he loves his hyungs

even though he’s pretty much talented at everything he’s still pretty grounded

super loyal to his friends and family

also has the dopest fkn owl

has the whole package pretty much

what hogwarts house are you? im a proud griffindor 

[let-me-love-you-loki]

Waking Up in Vegas--Ch. 20

Chapter 20: I Know You Get Me

Mera, Morning, 8:34 AM

           I hummed as I worked over the stove, three skillets going all at the same time. Bacon sizzled on the back burner as it slowly curled up, went crisp. Eggs over easy fried toward perfection just in front of me. To my left, French toast browned. The aroma of breakfast filled the kitchen, wafted out over the pool through the open door, mixed with the unique scent of a desert morning.

           We’d been in the Vegas house for just a few days. The essentials had been done, but there were still a few details that I wanted to work on. Of course, we had to catch a flight first thing the next morning to get to the Raw show. On our last day of peace before we had to get back on the road, I wanted to have a little slice of normalcy. Of a traditional marriage.

           Dean was a night owl, probably because of the schedule they had of performing and then driving half the night to get to the next city. He had still been awake when I’d gone to bed around midnight, and I had no memory of when he came to bed. All I knew was that I woke up wrapped in his arms.

           I felt the smile slip onto my face as I realized that could be the rest of my life. If I wanted it, I could wake up with him each and every morning. We could travel the country side-by-side… just like I had with Seth all those years. Only this time, the person beside me actually wanted me there.

           Happiness settled into my bones as I made sure that everything hit the plate hot. It took a moment to find the syrup in the pantry, so I put it on my to do list to organize it to my liking. Dean didn’t seem like much of a cook.

 Dean, Morning, 8:40 AM

           It was surprising as hell when my body woke me up before ten. I’d hit the bed around three and passed out pretty quick. Going to bed early wasn’t my thing, even when I wasn’t on the road.

           My heart skipped a beat when I thought back to when I came to bed last night. Mera was curled up in a ball on what she had claimed as her side of the bed, one hand tucked up beneath her pillow. I moved as quietly as I could to get in to bed, doing my best to not disturb her too much. By the time I’d settled in on my back, she’d turned over, nestled into my side. I fell asleep wrapped in the warmth of her body and the scent of her black cherry shampoo.

           I rolled out of bed, yawning and stretching. There was a moment of a sort of vertigo—a sudden realization that Mera’s things were spread throughout the house, that it was real, she was my wife, and this was our home. I touched my wedding band, letting myself slip back into memories of that night beneath the desert sky when we threw caution to the wind and did something wonderfully stupid and rash.

           The scent of bacon hit me as I came down the stairs. I couldn’t help but grin when I thought of Mera making breakfast in our house. Crying was another option, but I was trying hard to keep my shit together. Getting weepy every time I thought about her and the future wasn’t attractive—and it certainly wasn’t my normal MO.

           I caught sight of her and stopped dead in my tracks. Her hair was drawn back in a messy ponytail, those golden light waves trailing down her back. Sun streamed in through the glass doors and cast a halo of softness all around her. She danced around to some music in her head, her hips swaying side-to-side slowly as she loaded up two plates with food. As beautiful as the entire sight was, it only got better when my brain recognized the shirt she wore.

           It was one of mine, the Ice Bear shirt I’d worn that first day at her place in Florida.

           “Mmm,” I hummed, letting her know I was there. “You’re gonna spoil me, darlin’.”

           She turned toward me, a smile on her face that made her eyes burn bright. A faint blush ran along her cheekbones. I crossed the room and slipped my arms around her waist, palms settling on the curve of her ass. She reached up, locked her fingers behind my neck. With a little giggle, she jumped, wrapping her legs around my waist. My hold shifted, my fingers digging into the soft flesh of her thighs.

           “Good morning, sweet husband,” she murmured, fingers toying with the hair at the nape of my neck.

           There was no looking away from her. Just as I had that very first night, I got caught up, lost in the amber of her eyes. It sent a jolt through my body, a shot of electricity that burned from the bottom of my feet to the top of my head, energy that infused every cell of my body. An ounce of that feeling was better than the best shot of whisky, produced a sensation more addicting than any drug. She held my world—my heart, my soul, my happiness—in the palm of her hand, a goddess of beauty that held every part of me in thrall.

           “Good morning, my sweet wife,” I returned. My voice sounded strange to my own ears. It was deep, guttural in a way that seemed to resonate from that primal sense that had taken root in my chest. Each time I looked at Mera, that instinct purred in contentment. When I called her my wife, it rumbled with acknowledgement. It was such a strange thing to think of her as mine, even as I held her on a pedestal, watched her and knew she could never be tamed.

           I felt the shiver that ran through her when I said those words. I smirked—there was no way to stop it. And I didn’t miss the way her eyes darkened at the same time. I’ll remember that for later.

 Mera, Morning, 8:44 AM

           My sweet wife, I thought, letting the words reverberate in my brain, Dean’s voice amplifying them into my consciousness. I could never get enough of hearing them, of knowing that he held me as his, that everything that I was belonged to him. For the first time, I understood the feeling of being perfectly protected, loved, cherished… wanted. It made my entire being feel light.

           Free.

           I leaned forward and pressed a light kiss on the end of Dean’s nose. He let out a little huff, one corner of his mouth curving up into an indulgent smirk. I grinned back at him, happier than I had been in a very long time.

           “We didn’t have too much in the fridge since we’re leaving tomorrow, but I did what I could,” I said, looking back over my shoulder at the plates still steaming on the counter. “Probably a good idea to buy the spoilable stuff in small doses.”

           When I turned back to him, there was an aura of calm settled on his face. Cornflower eyes swept along my face, the curve of my neck, the shape of my shoulders. He blinked, closed his eyes for a brief moment. When he opened his eyes again, they were glassy with tears.

           “Oh, Dean,” I cooed, settling my palms against his bearded cheeks. “Don’t do that. Please.”

 Dean, Morning, 8:47 AM

           Shit.

           Shit.

           The word ran through my thoughts, chasing around the overwhelming sense of being unworthy. Unworthy of being in her presence, of being the object of her love, of being able to hold her in my arms, kiss her, watch the way her face burned with pleasure. I was little more than a fucked-up kid from Ohio. She was the Midwestern girl with more brains than I’d ever have.

           Yet, there she was, my arms wrapped around the softness of her body. And she had agreed to be mine that wonderful night on the Vegas Strip. This ethereal goddess had stepped out of my wildest dreams to make my life so much more bearable.

           Mera brushed her thumb along my cheek, her voice wrapping around me and filtering through my thoughts. I breathed in deeply of the scent of her skin, found it mixed with my cologne.

           I sat her carefully on her feet, taking care to not let her go. As if she knew how much I needed it, she curled against my chest, her arms wrapped tightly around my waist. I clutched her to me, nose buried in her hair.

           “I never thought I would have a shot with someone like you,” I said, surprised to find my voice breaking. “You were so far out of my league. God knows, you still are.”

           She hugged me harder. My fingers delved into her hair, cradling her head against my chest, desperate to feel her against my fingers. It was the only thing that grounded me, kept me from being swept under in this feeling of inadequacy and terror of losing her when she realized who and what I really was.

           “Every second with you is more than I deserve.”

           She wriggled away, sending fear spiking in my veins. The breath ripped from my lungs as she looked up at me, fury snapping in her gaze.

           “Stop it,” she demanded firmly. “Right now.”

           Surprise kept my mouth shut.

           Mera rose up on her toes, palms against my neck, thumbs stroking the bottom of my jaw. “You are the most wonderful man that I’ve ever met. For seven years, you tried to be honorable. For seven years, you were a good friend. Dean Ambrose, you are kind, and gentle, and funny, and sweet, and caring, and smart, and…”

           “I’m not smart, Mera. Not like you.”

           “Bullshit,” she retorted quickly. “You are one of the smartest people I know. A degree doesn’t mean you’re smart. My brother has a master’s degree and he’s dumb as a brick. There are things you can do that I’ll never fathom.”

           She looked me in the eye, fire of conviction crackling all around her. “You are my husband, Dean. And my husband deserves everything in the world and more.”

           I opened my mouth to respond, but she shook her head firmly. She was wreathed in confidence and passion, everything about her awe-inspiring, breathtaking, beautiful.

           “Now sit your deserving ass down and eat your breakfast,” she ordered with a barely concealed grin.

           “Yes, ma’am, sweet wife.”

           God help me, Mera Reynolds was the only woman on the face of the planet who could put up with me. And I’d never let myself—or her—forget how lucky I was that she was mine and I was hers.  

Tag List

@bethany99stuff-blog @houndsofjxstice @lunatictoosweet @xbutterflius-effectusx @mother-forker

[mdhwrites]

What are your core problems with The Owl House?

I'm feeling sick so I'm doing one that's weirdly a little simpler. Not simple but simpler. (It did not stay simple. Shocking, I know.) So if I were to be objective, I think the core problem with TOH is ego. I've been saying it a LOT recently on my Discord that "Ego is the death of art." Eventually, once you get your head shoved so far up your ass, you just stop being able to produce something good because you can't even make the statements you're wanting to make. That's the real death knell for TOH. It is so focused on being special and being meaningful that it forgets to be fun but it's also so self satisfied and convinced that its elements are sacrosanct that they don't question how they're using those elements or what they're actually saying. There's a reason why I'm personally happy as an author that I normally figure out themes within my works post figuring out what they're going to be like because my first goal is just making sure the story is COHERENT. And TOH doesn't give a FUUUUUUU- But subjectively... It's the characters for me that are the core of what lost me with TOH and what attracted me at first. S1 doesn't have the greatest cast. I literally brought in a two off antagonist in Boscha to have a third main character in my stories and focused WAY more on the Blights than literally ever including King in Power of Love. But... That is also is fine because just Amity and Luz in S1 by themselves has an incredible amount of potential as well just being incredibly likable. In fact, for all the shit I gave Eda and King a literal day ago, S1 of them are... enjoyable enough. King's joke is well and truly played out by then so I literally could not care about him but he is the best comic relief in S1. Not a high bar but he does clear it. Meanwhile, Eda has enough interesting going on with the curse to make her flaws not as apparent. Lilith is a compelling antagonist and the possibility of her bringing her more interpersonal comedy style into the main cast was exciting. Gus and Willow are barely characters but they're written likably and don't ever do anything truly wrong which could be said about them for the whole show.

And that also just kind of brings up the awkward element of S1. You have Amity and the curse but otherwise... It all feels like setup. Like we're seeing the first traces of these characters but we still haven't gotten a good, deeper impression of any of them yet. Including the world quite frankly. For fanfiction this was AMAZING. Everything was setup to go in a billion different ways, especially with Amity and Luz (individually or together) and it was exciting to theorize about. I tempered my expectations of course, I doubted I'd ever get the true nuance of my own version of Odalia and Alador but... I expected something a little smarter. The show seemed like it trended that way after all. That a bit more care and realism was put into the characters of the show. And then S2A is... more setup. Or just entirely changing characters to new forms of themselves that we still don't really know. All we do know is that they're less compelling. Amity becomes literally nothing more than Luz's girlfriend and how easy her change becomes more and more apparent with each passing episode. We get Momma Eda in one of her like... Two, maybe three appearances as any sort of criminal in S2 and they're ALWAYS motivated by someone else's scheme. I guess maybe not with Reaching Out but I'd have to check. The point is that the firebrand version of Eda is FIRMLY dead. Lilith becomes a total joke who's hard to even give credit to for the curse because Affearances is making her nothing more than a pathetic woman with unresolved mommy issues because... Sure. That's what the ex-coven head is just like now. Willow has ALL traces of either her morality or really any personality just gone for half a season, in part because she has no part in this season. She even insults Gus for his illusions in Escaping Expulsion in a scene where I SWEAR they swapped Amity and Willow's lines. Not that either should be pushing for bum rushing the door but it makes more sense coming out of plant goddess Willow than theoretically smart girl Amity.

And then you have Luz who is acting even more indignant this half season? Like not a lot has changed but the shifting tone is catching up to how they write Luz. How she can so quickly get annoyed at things not going her way or people not treating her like she's special. How she'll use her friends for personal gain. How she needs to be better than everyone else, both in her eyes and the writer's eyes. All while this isn't getting properly getting interrogated by the characters or even a bit of snark from Eda like it would in S1. It frankly reminds me of something I would say about bad porn: It's Barbie dolls being mashed together. They may have a little flair, like this one is wearing a skull hat or this one is non-binary, but as far as real personality goes... It didn't matter. You could swap out anyone and the writers would force it to work regardless. What personality was there was becoming increasingly cookie cutter or accidentally mean and cruel, just like toxic beauty standards. It's not Barbie's fault that sticks on a torso is the beauty standard to America but it also has no interest in being smart enough to make an appealing doll while avoiding reinforcing the worst parts of it.

And like bad porn, the reason this is done is similar. Rather than actually dealing with the emotions and complexities present in the topics and actions that are desired for the story, they make it so the characters just do it anyways. In porn, you get fucking. In The Owl House, you get... Subversion and representation I guess. But like sex with no setup or emotion, you need to only want the face value elements of these things or else you're just going to feel like you're watching other people having a MUCH better time than you while you're wondering why you're there. Also, yes, this is a weird metaphor. It's mostly done I believe. I do want to mention though that this is why my erotica series struggled to have a lot of sex scenes because those books took themselves and their characters and concepts pretty seriously so I couldn't just ignore the characters if they just weren't in the mood.

The fact that the main payoffs are emotional and metatextual statements that are poorly setup is a REAL problem. It has the feeling of a highschooler who's spent too much time on Twitter seeing their seven year old baby sister playing with her dolls and stopping her from doing that to then put the Barbie on a soapbox and lecture their sister about how dolls are oppressing her and having fun like this is awful. It's not just boring, it's literally anti-fun. Worse yet, it's not smart enough about the topics not to feel mean spirited and somewhat misguided in how its doing it. As an example, they wanted good queer rep. Unfortunately, Amity turned into an incredibly bland trophy for Luz, as boring a pointless as any straight female love interest frankly, and Raine is criticized by much of the fandom for obviously existing only for Eda. They're not just turned into a sexy lamp: That's almost their point from go with how little time they AREN'T just about Eda. This all culminates in the real turning point of the series. Now yes, I've said the point of no return is Escaping Expulsion but that episode is more the objective core issue's turning point. It's the show going "We're not as smart as we think we are and so are going to murder some of the elements that are stopping us from doing whatever we want to... But that doesn't mean we're gonna have fun with it either. Instead, we're going to act lazy, bitter and make the laziness and forced aspects of this episode way too apparent as we move on to what makes us feel special like Lumity." For the characters, Yesterday's Lie is the final nail in the coffin. I've talked before about how Vee's callout of Luz not only makes the problems of S2A being awkward with Luz's character more questionable, it throws her entire CONCEPT into question. Whether she ever was made an outcast because of others or because she told other outcasts to go fuck themselves. Why didn't she know anyone like Mascha after all? They clearly exist in Gravesfield. Why was she trying to be a cheerleader when she clearly isn't interested in sports or athletics. At least most of the time. S1 seems really fucking confused about whether or not she's a nerd or a truly basic bitch school kid who likes everything at least a little bit. But you didn't question it until the new statement that wanted to be made with Luz was "We have a dramatic, changing protagonist who is not just a ball of sunshine but also capable of extreme levels angst and change. She's not just another cartoon main character."

Boy that statement is reeking of ego though, isn't it? Especially when the point Luz isn't going to become "Reality matters over fantasy, others are more important than me," but instead her character finish is "I literally need everyone to recognize that I'm the most special person on the planet and I will only properly listen to anyone who is like me since I blatantly ignored everything my mom said until she earned my attention by being a closet nerd." Luz's character finish is REEEEEALLY BAD.

And no, I don't blame this on the shortening. Just look at fucking Amphibia. It has a VERY vivid cast that mostly keep to their own roles that are dictated by their personalities and despite the lack of time characters like Sasha get, the show knows how to sell their personalities, their relationships, what they're doing, etc. like that almost instantly and part of that's because it's having fun. It's willing to take things to the extreme from go. Sasha's INTRODUCTION is convincing someone to turn themselves into a CLOWN and leave their entire life behind so as to make it so she's no longer guarded. You are sold IMMEDIATELY on this being some master manipulator... But then she also saves Grime and her manipulations are through kindness rather than cruelty like most others which reinforces the loose threads we already had on Anne and her's relationship. You can see she's such a close friend... But why she's not a GOOD friend. And you know all of this by the end of S1 where she gets ONE AND A HALF EPISODES. That is frankly more than I can say about, especially firmly, the majority of TOH's cast by the end of S1. MAYBE Luz and definitely Amity clear the bar but that's the main character and her love interest. Not King. Not Eda. Not even Belos, the main fucking antagonist. I could have speculated on him but I could have told you more about Grime through the toads, Sasha and effectively his ONE episode than I can about the leader of the ENTIRE ISLES.

It really does continue to make me wonder why I'm not compelled to write Sashannarcy instead of Lumischa, the two share a lot of similarities after all, when even S1 has Sasha and Anne as so much more dynamic than Luz and Amity. I guess I liked the playground though. There was more empty space for me to play in with my own writing and I definitely will admit that the fandom, for both TOH and Amphibia, have made me feel far more connected to the shows than the actual products. I'm just weird that way I guess and it's probably why I keep ending up here. Where the show has gone fallow on me and I no longer see the characters as fun people with potential but instead just mean spirited Barbie Dolls.

It happened to me with MLP and it happened to me with TOH. *sigh*

============

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead, If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

And finally a Twitter you can follow too!

[beerecordings]

Between the Shadow and the Soul

yeah a lil part two to the Wil and Dark drabble I did last week! might be more but I’m not sure! working on a lot of different things right now. but anyway here! I love these two so much. Neither of them can quite remember, but that doesn’t mean that nothing remains, stagnant and powerful in the air between them.

Dark lives between nothingness and unreality.

On one side, there is a place of shadow within the walls of houses and the backs of mirrors where the air tastes like death and everything echoes, loud and cold and impatient. It tugs at his being and at the shattered corpse he calls his own.

The other side is no better. Beneath the white lights of a world that is not quite right, a world that has not been right since he stopped being Celine and Damien and undiluted hatred and became the singularity that he supposes he is now, he suffers and shakes and grits his teeth, held together only by pain and a need for revenge.

It never comes to anything, though. He can never find Mark. Doesn't know where he went to or how he's disappeared from the earth. He just lives. Just waits. Sleeps too often and wanders the earth in search of anything to catch his interest.

He slaughters legislators and squashes revolutions. Steals from arms dealers and destroys crime rings. Stands like a demon at the edges of a forest in Chile and scares away the construction workers who come to tear it down. He doesn't pretend to do anything he does for the sake of anyone else. He doesn't pretend to have any goodness left inside of him. He just likes to tear up the plans and the pride of evil humans, destroying everything they believed in and leaving them as hollow and as hopeless as a clam picked clean.

Have you ever seen the look in the eyes of a human from whom you have taken everything?

Blood taste, clove smell. He loves it. Shudder to see me, you blind little animal.

Pathetic mortal things. He hates their fragility and their endless mix of terror and arrogance. By the time he meets Wilford, he has withdrawn from the earth almost entirely. In an abandoned house in California, he lives quiet and alone, rarely coming back to the physical plane. He is a shiver of shadow around the corners of the house, and that is all.

He's very bored.

And very tired.

And very, very unhappy.

The smell of blood gets him out of his house on a late summer day in 1979. Three miles from his house is a road, and fourteen miles down that road is an intersection, and at that intersection someone has crashed their car very badly.

There are corpses in the front seat. There's a corpse in the back seat. And then there is something alive.

The darkness stops short.

Animals are moving in the trees. Owls call. Dark has brought the twilight with him, and the light of the sun is beginning to melt into a cool blue evening. The remains of the sunlight cast orange and yellow and pink light low on the earth, and they illuminate the man trapped beneath the mangled car on the side of the road. His black eyelashes touch his cheeks and his pale mouth is silent and unmoving.

Dark knows him.

Run, says something inside him. Run, run, I cannot bear to see him.

How does he know him? How does he know him?

I saw him at the end of an alley as I finished off the last of a mob family that got in my way. But even before then I knew him. Knew his eyes, his mouth, his unscarred hands.

Slowly, delicately, he crouches down at the man's side. He can feel the life that breathes inside of him from a mile away, but he reaches out anyway, and lets the pads of his fingers brush past the skin of his cheek.

“Good morning!” cries Wilford, his eyes flashing open.

Dark tumbles onto his ass, his shadow tripling in height behind him. Recovering quickly, he lets out a sharp hiss and vanishes his body, sending it back to the unreality and preparing to leave in a cloud of swirling red and blue shadow.

“That's very pretty,” Wilford sighs, not lifting his head from the road. He's lying on his back and the blood of his friends is running down onto his throat. He breathes slow and shallow. By all means, he should be dead, but he's only stuck.

“Shadow and soul... have you ever read Neruda? It's prettier in Spanish, but I don't do it justice... 'I don't love you as a rose of salt, topaz, or arrow of carnations that propagate fire...”

Dark pauses, returning to his corpse, crouching down at the man's side, panting and cold. The wind ruffles his hair and Wilford's.

“'I love you as one loves certain obscure things,'” Wilford continues, in a voice very quiet and very warm, like an ember that begins to crumple as you pick it up. “'Secretly, between the shadow and the soul...'”

The wind sighs through the trees. It's summer and everything is warm, and still, and beautiful, drizzled in darkness and the last vestiges of a pink sunset light. A drop of blood drips onto Wilford's cheek, and he tries to raise an arm to wipe it away, but he is crushed too tightly beneath twisted metal and hot glass.

“You should be dead,” Dark whispers, in a voice like a snowfall.

“Well, that, old friend,” Wilford mumbles, closing his eyes. “Makes two of us, I believe.”

Dark rises to his feet and begins to pace, showing his white teeth, his gaze fixed on the familiar stranger. “Who are you?” he snarls. “How do you know that I am dead? That I am shadow and soul? How are you alive? How do I know you?”

“You ask a lot of questions,” Wilford smiles. “How sweet. I don't know all that. Things always seem to come and go. Everything slips away. But I remember your light from the alleyway. The blue and the red, and the darkness – very fashionable, you know, dapper but suave, a little mysterious. You're so very familiar. I'm sure we used to be in love, isn't that right? Or friends, perhaps? I remember you very well, and not at all, and very well, and not at all.”

Frustration builds up in Dark's chest like a poison that burns. He throws his head and grips at his hair, glitching from second to second between images of composure and pain, between stillness and rage, between unfeeling and confusion.

For weeks, no one has spoken to him. There is no one in this world worth speaking to. He doesn't know why he's here, why he lets this man speak to him without trembling for fear. Why he's bothered to keep breathing at all, and does not let himself collapse.

“As for the being alive, well, I take care of myself,” Wilford adds, only now bothering to open his eyes. “Good diet, clean living – ”

“You're crushed beneath a three thousand pound car,” snarls Dark, drawn from his despair by a need for answers. “Is it adrenaline keeping you breathing?”

“Ah! That explains this horrible pressure. Perhaps you'd help me get out? Casper must have taken a wrong turn at the wheel. He is such a horrible driver.”

“It smells like he was drunk.”

“What? No, no, surely not, that would be terribly irresponsible. I'm drunk. That's why I wasn't driving. It was an unfortunate accident, I'm sure, but no matter. He'll have to get a new car, of course, but that's his fault for being such a rapscallion!”

Something in Dark's mouth sours. He pauses for a moment to watch the complete unconcern remain on Wilford's face, and then his eyes drift up to the other passengers of the car. One of them has been thrown towards the trees as punishment for not wearing a seatbelt, but the other two are equally still.

“They're dead,” says the darkness, coming to kneel down beside the stranger once more.

“Dead? Don't be silly.”

“The life is gone from them. You're slicked in their blood, little human.”

“Is that what this is? Not much. No, come now, listen for a moment! Can't you hear them?”

Dark pauses, and frowns, and listens.

It's empty for miles out here. This is the only intersection for a long time and the nearest town is a lazy little haven miles and miles away. Where were they going? Or were they out here to see this desolate place? This strip of life in the middle of the sand and the dirt? There are animals singing and crying in the trees and, for once, a soft breeze to tousle his hair.

Dark stares down at the stranger. He's never seen someone look so content and so sorrowful at the same time.

“I hear the birds,” he says finally, pushing back his bangs. “And the grass with the wind on it.”

“Yes, pretty, isn't it?” Wilford hums. “But I'm not talking about that.”

Sighing, Dark turns his head from side to side, trying to see what he might be talking about, but he still doesn't hear anything unusual. He turns back to the man and –

Gone. He's gone.

“Sometimes I think I can hear everyone,” says Wilford, and Dark yelps with alarm, whirling around to find the man now standing in the middle of the road, turned towards the setting sun, his eyes closed and his head tilted as he listens. “I hear voices and whispers and sounds that nobody else can hear. I thought maybe you'd be able to hear them too, but I guess not. That's okay.” He turns towards him, and for a second all that is left of the sunrise is a gleam of gold in Wilford's dark and perfect eyes. “It's not your fault.”

And Dark knows him, knows him, knows him, and he has not known anyone for so long, because all there is inside him is a grey blur of old memories and a red-hot hatred which pants like a dog in his chest, but now he is here, and he means something, he is someone, and Dark knows him –

And Will looks at him and knows him in return, and that is too much for him to bear.

Dark backs towards the trees.

His hands clutching anxiously at his arms.

Shaking his head.

No, no, no. I cannot bear this. I cannot bear him. And I do not wish to remember.

“Are you so scared of me?” murmurs Wilford, a silhouette in the middle of the road, the wind swirling his hair and his clothes. “Am I so frightening? Don't go so soon.”

Dark vanishes his body. His soul turns pitch the forest edge. Red, black, and blue, he stands, he holds, he waits.

Wilford sighs, presuming himself alone again. He's already forgetting the names of the people he had gone driving with. Blood drizzles down his throat, but it doesn't seem to bother him.

He says something, but it is too soft for Dark to hear, and by the time curiosity makes him reach out, Wilford is gone.

The birds sing. The wind rifles through the grass. Blood runs down the road.

All the better, Dark thinks, and tries to believe it, but he's in pain and very unhappy, and he's starting to think that this is what loneliness feels like when you give it to yourself.

He slinks back to his rotting house, and sits in his aching body with his knees drawn up to his chest, and no one speaks a word to him til the next time he meets the stranger again.

[royal-writer]

Hogwarts au~

Amon’s a Ravenclaw, much to the disappointment of his father. Their family are Gryffindors with a few Ravenclaws once in a blue moon; maybe a Hufflepuff here or there, but his only son should not be a Ravenclaw. Especially with his intellect, he doesn’t feel Amon has the mind to be a Ravenclaw. It’s a humiliation upon Amon that echoes onto the family name, which in turn makes Arthur an even more stern. He’s constantly trying to push him and groom him to the standards he thinks his boy needs. Amon’s miserable; especially since some of the other Ravenclaw’s mock him because he’s ‘in the wrong house’ or ‘needs more time to solve things’, but keeps it hidden beneath a mask.

Enter Essatha. Two years younger than Amon; a girl who looks like a stray whose mother is in ailing health constantly in and out of medical ward. She gets placed in the Slytherin house. No one seems surprised the edgy hostile girl is a Slytherin. On the train of 9 and ¾ heading to Hogwarts alone, she had a bite in her tone and stayed in her own corner of her cart, with a book in hand or looking through her chest to make sure she had everything. Unfortunately even her own house isn’t too thrilled to have her; as most Slytherin tend to be pedigree proper and they gained what is essentially a half-blood rat (comes from a human father, and a witch mother).

After the first night and the freshman get sorted via the Sorted Hat, everything goes by routinely. Amon hangs out with the handful of friends he has; mostly Ravenclaw and Gryffindors, and keeps to his studies. Essatha, on the other hand, is quick to make a name for herself. Whispers and rumors almost immediately turn to awe and jealousy, as people begin to talk about her spellcasting. She’s got terrifyingly powerful skill. Even the teachers talk about her charms and hexes.

Thus, the school year goes by and ends. The next school year begins, and Essie gets placed in more advanced casting classes. The classes that, low and behold, Amon is in. Being both a little spellcasting prodigy and a Syltherin, she gains no favors in the class which seems to do her fine. Amon is appealed to her looks (*cough who isn’t cough*), but doesn’t go out of his way to speak with her or get to know her.

Eventually, he two get paired up for a project with a Hufflepuff and Gryffindor. Essie is almost immediately outcast by the two older houses; who find both her status and snippiness hard to swallow. They start jabbing at her for being a ‘typical Syltherin’ until she eventually quits putting up any fuss at all, and follows the elders orders and ideas.

After their assignment; which they pass by marginal quality because Essie’s suggestions are ignored; Essie overhears the others in her group not blaming her, but Amon. They’re all whispering that of course the tough, brawny, clueless Ravenclaw was the reason they got screwed. He’s supposed to be some Gryffindor after all; the sorting house put in him the wrong place and now they had to suffer the consequences of a mediocre mark. The entire thing is made worse when Essatha; a ‘promising student’, is berated by the professor because they expected more out of her after hearing how talented she was.

She’s infuriated by the whole situation, but concern gets the better of her when she begins to realize just how exiled her former Ravenclaw teammate is. After having been paired together, she begins noticing that Amon speaks to very few in claw. Most give him a wide berth, or simply ignore him like a ghost. So she makes herself open; starts sitting by him, offering assistance, giving him a warm greeting and a smile.

Amon doesn’t appreciate this. After a couple weeks of this, he snaps at her. Demands to know her intentions; what she had against him, what she wanted from him. She tries to be assertive in turn; gets rounded on, and eventually crumbles and admits she only wanted to be kind and extend a hand in friendship. She starts sitting by herself again, and Amon sits alone feeling like an ass.

Tentatively, a week or so later, Amon goes to sit by her. Essatha seems very uncomfy. He softly apologizes for his behavior. Though there’s an uneasy tension between them for a while thereafter, it slowly begins to dissolve through minimal conversation and partnership. Essie begins to correct and help him with his casting; offering him tips, acronyms, and sing-song tools he can use to remember posture, wrist movement, and incantation spells. In return, he begins to help Essie with everything else she either struggles with or is only passing on basic marks; mostly the history of magic, potions, astronomy, and above all: herbology.

Essie finds out how much Amon loves gardening and plants and oh my starts it’s the cutest thing she’s ever seen. He’s so passionate about it that she actually writes her mom, who has an owl send her with an old book they had on growing different things for different potions and spells. She uses it as a bridge with Amon; they both mull over it and he gets excited to tell her things not even in the book that they actually start penciling in together.

The next year comes and goes. Both of them have raised their marks tremendously in even their worst subjects to average or above average grades. They’re both delighted to realize they still have a scheduled course together in charms, and Amon now has advanced courses in potions making and herbology.

Essie is now in third year, thus is permitted to go to Hogsmeade now. Thus, begins traditional visits with Amon to go buy new items and share butterbeers together. Everyone is beginning to think these two are dating by now. Amon’s friends, and Essie’s that they’ve now made both together and apart (becuz fuck yeah they’re going to make more friends) will even ask ‘em if they’re ‘ready to go do x’ or ‘do you want to go to the Broomsticks for a butterbeer’ and both have been known to turn down these things, simply stating ‘Oh I have plans with Amon/Essatha thanks tho’.

On clear nights the pair start making it routine to chart star constellations and get ahead in astrology class. Not at all because they’re enjoying the time together nope. As the days ween on though Amon needs to focus on his N.E.S.T. tests and exams, so they spend a bit less time together or if they do, it’s mostly in the presence of studying together.

t also happens to the first year that, when Amon returns home for the winter holiday break and Essie decides to stay at Hogwarts (mum’s in the hospital again, and encouraged her to stay so she wouldn’t be lonely at home), Amon sends her a parcel. It contains Christmas roses, a Hellebore plant with some care instructions, candies, a sweet endearing letter expressing that he missed her and the kicker: a hand stuffed and sewn snake that seems to resemble a lot of the details Essie described in her long-lost favorite plush, Mr. Hiss.

After winter break is over, two are inseparable when outside of class. Amon is frequently walking Essatha back to the front of the Syltherin house entrance at the bottom of the school; ignoring the chiding remarks and jokes people make or how people warn him he’s “dating a girl who houses in the dungeons” (we’re not dating! she’s just a good friend…). Likewise, Essie is seen walking with Amon near the Ravenclaw portrait entrance near the observatory a lot. They’re almost always giggling like fucking dweebs sharing a secret. When they aren’t hanging out solo or in mutual groups, they’re with their own houses or small non-shared friends here or there.

Amon ends up trying out for quidditch. He gets up getting the position of a Beater; to which Essatha does not miss any games he participates in. He almost always spots her front row, regardless of what teams are playing, holding a sign in support of him or cheering in the front for him. It doesn’t make her the most popular among the Syltherin house when they’re facing off against Ravenclaws haha, but as she doesn’t seem keen on the sport otherwise people mostly just grumble and tell her to stop kissing up to her boyfriend (he’s not my boyfriend!).

When the end of the year comes, Essatha and Amon finally go to see each other during break. Hepsiba seems thrilled to meet him; stating how she’s heard so much about him (mooommm! - oh but honey you write about him all the time. Crumbcake don’t give me that look). They go to see some of their friends, they go out on not-at-all-dates holding hands and being enthusiastic about all kinds of shit. Amon airs some grievances about his future; what his family thinks he needs to do, what he wants to do, how things are changing and how he can’t believe how many years have went by already. Essie offers a calm voice from her perspective that seems to put him at ease. For now.

She goes to meet his family and hang out with him a bit later in summer. Arthur seems only just refraining from curling a lip at her. His sister Josephine who Essie has met a dozen or so times in campus is warm and welcoming. Essatha expresses a soft-spoken understanding to Amon’s feelings after getting to know the expectations of his father, and their lifestyle.

School starts up and they fall back into a similar routine. Essatha gets a giggle at Amon’s large owl patronous. It’s quite alarming to find that Essie is able to summon a occamy as her patronus; to which Amon teases her for the creature’s serpentine feathered appearance and protective motherly instincts over its eggs and chicks.

Amon spends every moment not in classes he can with Essie. They study together sometimes; but she understands his classes have gotten more rigorous so he mostly studies alone or with his fellow Ravenclaws now. He also has N.E.S.T. base classes and pays for Aparation courses as well, so he’s not around as often. They still make time for ‘hanging out’, to which everyone still chides is clearly their dates. The year comes and goes relatively uneventful; Ravenclaw actually manages to win the last Quidditch game that year but as always, neither of their classes win the end-of-the-year house point rack up (Gryffindor again? Deadpan. Gee. This seems. Favoritism.) Summer vacation is spent together once more, where their hand holding and timid smiles have turned into full blown cuddling and Amon wrapping his arm around Essie all the time. Essatha opens up more and more about how she feels about her mom’s situation, her dreams, her hopes, her fears. Amon is infatuated with all these new layers to this lovely woman and all this trust. He listens. He gently offers her praise and encouragement. It makes her brighten up all the more around him.

When school starts up the next year all goes as per normal, but there’s a rare ball being held due to some special event. Amon invites Essie as his date. Eyes emoji. Essie taking lessons with Amon for a few days prior to get the hang of a few popular waltzes and ballroom swings. Say it’s a ‘just as friends’ thing but oh no… Amon looks really sharp in a dress uniform. Better than wizard robes or casual clothes. Nervous sweating.

Oh Shit Essie looks amazing in a gown. Wow. Obviously she’s gorgeous she’s always looked gorgeous I mean I haven’t noticed how beautiful she is she just- I mean she Obviously is just really pretty and cute but wow. Speechless.

The cliché of Amon hanging his coat around Essie’s bare shoulders later as she shivers saying the castle is cold and when they’re close and he’s still holding the edges of his dress jacket draped over her they just sorta. Fall into each other’s arms. Oops.

“Is this okay?” Ess’ grabs Amon’s collar and pulls him back. Smooch.

Days later when folks joke about them dating they just agree to it. Everyone is actually surprised by this nugget of knowledge. They think the two have finally cracked and are messing with them but nope. “What were you expecting you kept saying we were dating?” “Idk at this point it was just a running gag joke I didn’t think it was going to happen anymore I guess.”

You get the gist on the rest of this goes down. More years of exams and growth; Amon graduates and gets into a career and they keep in contact. A very low-key relationship for a good handful of years thereafter; even after Essie graduates. Working on their careers a bit, getting to know themselves and the world as adults. The dating gets more serious in their twenties where ya’ll know where this is going to end.

Wow I typed a lot for no fucking reason but man this would be a fun au to write thoroughly.