#me : hates vulnerability

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Look what we've become.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[bookalicent]

yeah so this was insane

[angryducktimemachine]

Aromanticism Zine but it's just my incoherent thoughts.

[signanothername]

Dream’s room within Nightmare’s castle

This comic takes place after Nightmare’s theoretical death that I discussed before >:)

A bit of context under readmore

[vi-138]

[sleepybitnation]

Noticed an interesting parallel.

For Kaito’s line in chapter 3- it’s when Maki was struggling with her real talent being exposed and hid in her room sorta accepting the fact that everyone views her that way now

For Maki’s line in chapter 5- it’s when Kaito was dealing with the effects of his illness and emotionally distancing from the group in order to maintain the idea that he’s Perfectly Fine

In both of these, they’re aware the other is hiding behind a mask of sorts (for Maki she sees herself as a heartless killer, while Kaito sees himself as the hero everyone relies on), but they also see past that in each other and are aware they are struggling. Hence the concerned looks and Those Lines.

I thought it was cool because their dynamic is often dismissed as Kaito simply helping her, but in reality they were both there for each other and in a way that’s equal rather than him playing “hero” with her. When one of them was suffering, rather than leaving them to deal with it on their own like they’re both used to, they said stuff like this and went out of their way to look out for each other.

I find it interesting how they similarly struggle with feeling like they have to be strong for those who rely on them. It makes sense they’d see right through it in each other because they understand that pain. I love equals

[mynqzo]

hey. if your looking for a solas x rook fic i have one for u right here im 27k words deep into writing and am offering you this like a cat bringing a dying rat to your doorstep

genuinely. bitch 4 bitch is my fave ship dynamic. i want them to kill each other with hammers

[candycatfalls]

frankly I think we all moved on from the love pages too easily

[casualavocados]

You've never done that when I got close to you before. Why? None of your business. Tell me, or you can't leave.

KISEKI: DEAR TO ME Ep. 10

[visenyaism]

Why is everyone acting like you’re a cis woman who either is a terf or can be persuaded to be one. Can you bitches get a job or something damn

I don’t know. I’m a nonbinary lesbian but I think terfs view that as equivalent to like a cis woman who got a concussion. Because they are reactionary and hateful.

[quixoticanarchy]

i always want to message ppl like "hii i am thinking about you & i adore you" but i never rly understood the social rules of engagement and i live in fear of secretly breaking them. so i won't tell you this but i do think of you and i do adore you, probably 7x more than i express

[secriden]

Watching Joong's Hurt Me Please MV with the context of how episode 6 ended and how this is likely a song about Fadel's thoughts and feelings about Style after Finding Out, I wanted to take a deeper look at the lyrics.

I have transcribed the English lyrics on Youtube side by side with a fan translated version (credit: bl_zonee on Twitter) just because there's different shades of meaning between them that I find really interesting and I'm curious which one is the more accurate translation or if both are valid, but just give different nuance. (Perhaps a mutual who understands Thai would be willing to give some insight? *u*)

Verse 1 makes a lot of sense to me: Fadel must be wondering how Style could be so cruel ("unkind" / "heartless") because every instance of Style being honest and asking for honesty in return, all of Style's genuine desperation to bare his heart to Fadel in episode 5 and 6, now looks like a calculated, cruel deception.

And after being so afraid to reveal his secret to Style for fear that it would make Style walk away from him, there's a painful irony in Fadel now wishing Style had walked away before. Because the betrayal hurts so much more now that Fadel has given in to his heart.

The chorus is where the nuance between the translations gets interesting.

The Youtube version seems almost like Fadel is taunting Style, putting up a front that he can take the pain Style is dishing out and more. It's like he's hiding behind the bravado of being able to handle the hurt, and even more.

The MV also depicts Style smiling sadistically after slapping Fadel, as if he's enjoying the pain he's inflicting. Meanwhile, Fadel looks up almost in adoration, a strange softness in his eyes at odds with how cruelly he's being treated. The knowledge of Style's betrayal has turned Style into a monster in Fadel's mind, one which he cannot help but to still have soft, affectionate feelings.

But the fan translation sounds much more hurt and accusatory. Fadel is expressing his pain and anguish much more plainly and "you did this to me" is a line that demands responsibility.

In both translations, though, the last line ("can't get enough" / "enjoying the pain") gives us a hint that Fadel isn't willing to give Style up even now. Despite the pain, despite feeling as if he's simultaneously burning up and drowning, there's a part of him that still wants this. That still wants Style.

Interestingly, as Fadel sings the last line he begins to visibly struggle against the rope tying him to the chair. The soft look vanishes and in place is a determination and shadow that spells trouble for Style. The shock is wearing off and Fadel is starting to fight back.

Verse 2 is where the agony really hits, for me.

In both versions, Fadel recognises the way Style's love was (maybe still is?) precious to him ("your love feeds my soul" / "your love nourished my heart"). But because Style's love is a lie, it's transformed into a weapon ("poison"). It twists Style's love into a source of "hurt" to Fadel.

Which is why I think both versions have a line where Fadel admits that there's a part of him that wants Style to keep hurting him -- or rather, to keep loving him; because these are the same thing to Fadel now -- ("hurt me, make me feel used" / "the more I was hurt the more I enjoyed it") whilst also remaining accusatory ("the more I loved, the more sorrow/I suffered").

The lines about "nothing left to write about our love" / "our story" also feel very pointed and final. A closing of a chapter; a closing of the possibility of their former, uncomplicated happily ever after. Style has nothing left to write (report) back to his superiors (the police) because Fadel's love is already complete and his deception has reached the inevitable conclusion of Fadel being found out/destroyed.

All this happens while we see Style continuing to threaten Fadel with a golf club and an almost crazed expression of glee juxtaposed with flashes of Fadel and Style in much happier times.

Also the fact that this line comes with this scene where Fadel lets Style kiss him despite “knowing” it’s all a lie *sobs uncontrollably*:

The first chorus comes back once and the music reaches a plateau. We are clearly preparing for a drop or a modulation and we get exactly that (twice!) with the second chorus:

Here, both versions converge: Fadel is angry, he's furious. Style hurt him and he's going to repay all of it and more ("you'll hurt [by much more]" / "you must suffer more than I did"). The lyrics tell us that, while Fadel cannot take back the hurt (take back his love), he can certainly ensure he isn't alone in the suffering (this love will also hurt Style).

It is at this part where my heart sank as I realised that Fadel's "I think I love you" line in episode 6 now takes on a much more sinister tone.

Because I think that discovering Style's betrayal was also what made Fadel realise the truth of his love for Style; the very agony he was in was the sign that Fadel's heart was lost to him. But even as it is true, I also think he still made the choice to ruin Style in the same breath. Because if Style could use Fadel’s love as a weapon then Fadel is going to use it (Fadel’s love) to hurt Style too.

A decision was made in this moment, and everything Fadel does afterwards in this scene is deliberate.

There is, however, one piece of hope:

Despite Fadel's expressed fury, what the MV shows us is Fadel breaking out of his bonds, shoving Style back and punching him once and then:

For all his anger, for all his rage, for all his threats of manifold vengeance, what we see is Fadel pressing close and kissing Style; once on the lips, and once on his chest (heart), all while the lyrics makes space for one last plea:

("don't betray me")

For me, its the way the line is shown together with this direct visual parallel between the ignorant Fadel in the past (left) and the Fadel of the present who has seen through Style's deception (right) that I find particularly compelling. Even now, even at the point of Fadel discovering Style's betrayal, there is still hope for forgiveness.

Because Fadel cannot help himself. Because Style made Fadel's bleeding heart whole again; and it beats, it feels, and despite how much it hurts, what Fadel still wants more than anything else in the world -- desperately and simply -- is Style.

[vamprisms]

cannot stand adults who are unkind to children in any way. pick on someone your own size

[st-hedge]

It wasn’t on my 2024 bingo card that I’d draw V again. Anyway I’ll go ahead ramble in the tags

[lienspien]

Barty is provocative as fuck and James is easy to rile up. Usually, it just leads to James storming off with Barty laughing. One time, James was having his own problems, and Barty came by and started a fight. James said the most offensive personal thing ever that got Barty so mad, he got personal too. Then they both are just yelling at each other, and everyone is kind of scared to pull them apart. Eventually James just tells him to fuck off and Barty does, for the first time, storm off.

They were seen making out later that night

[disasterhimbo]

Hey, can we take a moment to acknowledge it’s really fucked up how normalized ableism and eugenics were even before the pandemic? Yes, covid kills and disables way more people than the flu, and eugenics is even worse now, but the fact that we were just happily infecting each other with other illnesses pre-pandemic even though people died from them every year? That was a choice our society (and governments) made. We could’ve been masking and staying home when sick and doing way more to protect the vulnerable, and instead, we just… didn’t. It was just normal to go to school and work sick, and it was normal for tens of thousands of people to die from the flu every year. That’s horrible. Why were we doing that? I know the answer is probably capitalism, but that doesn’t make it better. How did we let our society get so bad that over 50,000 people (US statistic) dying of the flu (not even all preventable contagious illnesses) in a year wasn’t even a blip on the radar?