#mb ill do more idk
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what if I.. shared these fellas
I have many lore and thoughts for this AU man help
#these are the only ones ive finished designs for#mb ill do more idk#but damn it if i havent thought about the lore of this AU#canon divergent as hell#but in this house we appreciate bench trio#but also love boreal trio#anyway sorry#fycodraws#ranboo#technoblade#philza#tubbo#warrior cats#warriors#warriors AU#DSMPxWarriors#emerald duo#bee duo#boreal trio#peer pressure duo#rainpaw#twoface#beeflight
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Cursed Relics - Longsword
#legend of zelda#loz totk#tears of the kingdom#my art#cursed relics#i left this a bit unrendered... tried a different process and im not satisfied and i want to move on!! mb ill go back to it someday...#i love these lil soldier spirits and i always try to say hello to them even if my inventorys full. sometimes i leave them gifts like apples#i remember reading a fic from the pov of a ghost soldier alone in the depths until link shows up which allows him to go to the afterlife#i think thats how it went... but it always made me wonder more abt the spirits. are they conscious? leftover bits of soul? trapped ghosts?#can they speak? do they choose not to?? are they lonely? idk if theres any true Lore about these fellas but even so... we're friends!!
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sanrio collab
#my lovely art#sayer podcast#been working on this a few days but did the halechallenges more on a whim lol mb tomorrow ill do a young... idk maybe#sayerposting
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my favorite game to play with the ao3 search bar is looking up a thought i had in my head and seeing if anyone has written anything about it and then being disappointed but motivated.
*checks clipboard silently and crosses out something*
ice skating lumity fic
firefighter au
graveyard worker luz/ghost amity au
#i should really go to sleep#um maybe ill talk about the girl in the graveyard soon bc omg#idk why but the idea of amity being a ghost and haunting luz and the both of them being annoyed with one another like “why are you here”#“i live here. WHY are YOU in my house.” -> “you stole my necklace!!” -> “wdym!! i bought it from a-” -> “turn it over” -> “...oh”#mb i really wanna just talk about midwestern farmland stuff because god the imagery of gravel roads and wide open spaces idk man#im like insane over it in my head. i am eating drywall about luz working at a graveyard and amity haunting her bc oh whoops she now has her#necklace and woah you know what? “if you even care i didnt ask to be burned at the stake”#i will do more later
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Gonna rain all day and i don't have anyone to come w me but..hmm free lil punk concert at local park tonite
#i have stuff to do i should mb stay in and get to it instead of going into a crowd alone just to hear some music possibly catch a cold#but hmm. variation in daily routine..#idk i have 90 mins btwn work and the lil concert ill do food vacuuming and some relaxin first then see how i feel#pretty low on energy since my digestion is still fucked so yknow. idk if going out would give me more or less pep
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[thing that hasnt played acnh in so long but does kind of want to have the freedom of ever changing self expression rn] hmmm do you think if i restarted my island id actually do it for a substantial amt of time
also wld it b jst schism or one for... probably anyone but keeper idfk to be honest. or jst schism+ adolin. not in that order. its hard to say rn bc well. gestures.
#heartbeats#we already check splatoon near daily mb we can do nh we just... need... approx 3+ months of backlog in game time before being#able to just play daily...#im like no ill definitely like adolin forever and not at sll feel weird abt jt so why not#and idk maybe void n mischief n keeper r fake and im real. i should be so real.#facets#this turned into more of a ehhhh thing#i feel like im forming into a guy that exists more and more. does that make sense ?
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enemyship ended with nick now i hate alan 💪
#not his real name cause his name is pretty unique compared to nick 😭#also nico took nick as a 2ndary name so it would be a bit weird 😭#anyway#the last time a popular guy liked us was to try to make a joke out of us so there's no way he could#even if he does we're not going to get together bc osdd shit yk#i dont like him but i think i know who does but ill spare their embarassment <3#multiple people is wild#maybe im just bitter to popular ppl bc of reasons LMAO 😭#idk im just going to avoid him more than we already do and hope he stops staring#i also nearly choked our friend when she tried to hug me without asking cause i panicked 😭 mb#ok im done talking o7#ep
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okay last magical girl au doodle for a while (maybe) cuz i have another idea and will be cooking up another storm (help)
trying out a new eye style??? idk yet. anyway meet some of the side characters in this au !!
i was gonna draw J in too but then i ran outta space so she and some others gotta wait for a while sorry 😞🙏 it's a lil messy mb
more below cut 👍
aight so ill go w the one w more students rn
doll and V go to the same school,, it's a international/private school. V is older than doll and uzi so she's in a different grade and despite going to the same school, she and doll don't cross paths often.
i was half considering their race and then remembered that they're drones and don't really have a race but doll still speaks russian SO i might as well have fun w it !!!! V is italian.
cuz of their strict school rules, doll has to tie her hair up since she doesnt want to cut her hair,, V already has short hair. their uniforms is as u can see in the pic cuz I CANT DESCRIBE CLOTHES SORRY SOBS
V keeps her glasses !!!! in her normal drone form. how she sees as a magical girl?? uhm. chalk it up to cyn being able to do smt abt her vision, haven't decided yet,,
cant have doll without lizzy or V without her squad so lizzy and N and J are in the same sch too !! N and J are in the same grade as V ofc, J has more classes than N and V because.
lizzy and thad are siblings in this au (cuz it sits well w me idk its a fun thought) and they semi-share eye light colours 👍 lizzy went w her dad while thad stayed w the mom, so they grew up in different environments :)
thad and uzi are in the same school !! same grade etc. uzi's more of a loner student and she likes to eat her meals in the school washrooms (don't ask) but if thad invites her she'll eat in the cafetaria w him (as long as his other friends aren't around, she hates them)
uzi's school doesnt know exactly have uniforms?¿ it js came out when i drew her anyway tho 😭 her school is less strict on dress codes so they can wear whatever,, their school is a public one btw
V's full name is Guinevere
N's full name is Angelus
am i reusing names??? yes. yes i am.
#murder drones#murder drones fandom#murder drones uzi#serial designation n#md uzi#uzi doorman#md doll#md lizzy#murder drones lizzy#murder drones thad#md thad#serial designation v#serial designation v murder drones#md n#md v#murder drones doll#magical girls au#murder drones n#murder drones v
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𓏵 誓い 500 followers
— HI i havent been posting n sht thats bcs i forget that i have a tumblr blog to run n i have no motivation BUT i reached 500 followers YAY idk what to do honestly for this milestone but im so thankful for the ppl who stayed w me in this journey (bye thats so dramatic HELP) i do want to try n revamp my acc n start posting again so yeah TYSM 🫶🏼🫶🏼
— also i asked this on my recent post but will u guys be interested in me posting some other things like uhh dividers , bios , symbols , n maybe some profile layouts as well so if ur interested in that lmk in the comments n ill try to deliver 🙏🙏
𓏵 誓い my moots & favs
— @sseulr1n @chaey2k @yeritos @trivijoy @koosuvi @yunjidoll @aqualogia @ujitoon @diolette @soulari @baesol @bugmort @gwryus @y-ujin @aegsll @jnssite @chroumie @chaeryeos n a few more i tried to include everyone but my memory is sht sorry
thank u all sm ♡ reqs r open just send wtv u want me to do HELP ignore my pinned post ++ if u want me to tag u in a mb just lmk know !!
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wanted to draw Berry's parents, figure out which features he took from who X)
his dad is some captain and mom works in grain distribution or something idk trading and stuff. Mother is defenetely taking more leading role in family buisness and politics, while father prefers to just do what she says or escape into his field of work. Berry usually didn't have enough balls to rebel much against his family
around 9 years ago when Blueberry(who didn't even have this nickname yet) was afraid to come out to his parents and was already having hard times after breaking up with his girlfriend(mb someday ill write more about it lol), and then his parent's decided to arrange marrige of him and some older dude, who Berry couldn't care less about, and THAT was a breaking point when Berry decided to hit da bricks <:v
he never contacted his parents or ex after that - first he was afraid to be tracked down and caught... but later on as years go by he is never sure that either of them would like to hear anything from him at all, after his run away. He thinks they rightfully hate him
but he still would like to know how are they doing and to know they are still alive...
bonus:
#blueberry#lumeris#sci-fi#scifi#he mostly regrets about loosing contact with his ex bc despite everything they broke up on more or less good terms#and he wants to know how is she#and he knows he made her worry#but alas#mb they'll meet someday... maybe#my art#my oc#SCUM AND VILLAINY
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☆ ─ 𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐍 𝐅𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐒, 𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐒 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐍 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒 ..?
kazuha x gn!reader / fluffy fluff / modern au <3
synopsis ─ you and kazuha seem to be more than friends, but at the same time, none of you have ever confessed so .. what exactly are you guys ..?
warnings : the word "hell", lots of and lots of teasing, kissing (idk how to put warnings so im just putting anything that sounds bad to some people LMAO)
notes : HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAZUHA!! (im very late but we dont talk about that) btw u guys should read my other kazuha fic because it didn't wanna show on tags and it flopped so bad!!! 🤬🤬
you were confused, puzzled, bewildered. kazuha has hugged you, yes. hold hands? always. cuddled? yes .. kissed ..? maybe once or twice but never on the lips .. but he never confessed or confirmed anything.
or maybe close friends just do that right ..? right .......?????
thats what you were trying to figure out for the past hour in this oh, so boring math class. you were too focused you didn't even notice kazuha staring at your gaze.
"are you okay? you know, its quite strange to me that you've been focusing on class a lot more these past days .." he whispers with a faint chuckle as he continues to look at you with the soft gaze of his.
ah yes, totally focusing in class .. if only he knew what you were thinking about this entire time!
"you should focus too zuha! stop looking at me like that .." you mumbled out quitely, a soft tint of red slowly came to sight on your cheeks.
"mhm .. my bad, its kind of your fault for looking so cute though." he teases you once more before finally turning away from you, proceeding to focus onto class just like what you told him to do.
you blushed even more by the comment .. ahahah .. close friends definitely don't say stuff like that. so why hasn't he said anything about it yet? you wanted to smack kazuha in the face for leaving it so unclear! or maybe you were just blind.
the bell suddenly rang, class was dismissed. both you and kazuha headed out of class, off to the cafeteria. and of course, he interwined his soft hands with yours.
because of this simple action, many rumors about you both possibly dating has suddenly appeared day by day. and yet, even you didn't know the clear answer to that.
the thought of dating him was never a bad idea in your opinion. is he cute, adorable, and handsome? yes. is he loving and caring? yes. is he smart? yes. is he too friendly with others? maybe ... but is he boyfriend material? yes, YES, YEYSYEYSS. (mb for simping)
do you like him? yes ....
"do you want anything? i'll pay for you!" kazuha interrupted your thoughts once again as he asked you with his signature soft, gentle smile that was only reserved for you.
"uhh .. not really hungry right now, thanks for asking though!" you returned a smile to him before looking away into your surroundings again.
"wrong answer, love. ill get you your fav okay? go find a seat while i get your food." oh, what a gentleman, but .. he. called. you. "LOVE"?!?
you wanted to jump out of this world!! your face was so red and your heart is bouta explode! you swear that this is gonna be your last straw and you are going to confront him right now!!!
"u- uh .. oh uhm yeah, ill go sit over there alright? uhh ..." ahahha .. yes, totally confront him ...
you turned back, face was still red as hell as you approached the empty table you're going to sit at. you took a seat and covered your face with your hands.
you need to ask him about all this sooner or later. you couldn't bare another day like this, but what if he actually doesn't like you? and he was just doing those gestures as friends ..?
your mind kept running back and forth from the only two possibilities that there could be ; "hes only doing that as friends ..." or "he literally wants me so bad."
you sighed as you watch him approach you with your food. you thanked him for the food and started to dig in, but he wasn't eating ...
"aren't you going to eat anything ..." i looked at him with a confused and worried look. what a hypocrite smh ...
"im not hungry right now, dont worry!" he responds with his soft smile again which always manages to makes your heart melt.
"y- you ... ughh ... here, lets just share .. you damn hypocrite." you scoffed as you pushed your plate closer to the center of the table.
he chuckles at you, but he accepts the food either ways to avoid you worrying for him. he only a ate a little though .. since he knows you hate sharing your favorite food!
you both ate over with a conversation, talking with him was always so easy. somehow, there was never a time where there wasn't a topic to talk about .. another reason to date him .....
"ah- wait ... i gotta get my book at my locker after this. you wanna come?" kazuha asked as he took his last bite, and so did you.
"ohhh .. sure, actually im gonna get my book too!"
"alright then, let's go" he reached his hand out for you again as he stood up. that simple gesture was enough to make you blush again.
he brought you along the hallways, which was quite empty, as everyone was mostly at the cafeteria. maybe .. maybe this is a proper chance to ask him ..?
your hands started to get sweaty as you got more nervous just because of one simple question. and of course kazuha notices ... because thats just how he is!
"are you alright? you seem quite nervous .." he stopped walking to check up on you.
your heart instantly dropped as he asked if you were okay. this is the chance to confront him, and to get this all over with!! just 1 simple question ... you can do it!!!
"i- uhm .."
"yes? you what ?"
"kazuhawhatexactlyarewebecauseyoukeepconfusingmewithyouractionsbutyouneverconfessedanythingsoidkwhatsgoingon"
"uhh, sorry but .. could you perhaps .. speak slower?"
you sighed as you had to repeat everything you said to him again!! your heart was beating faster and faster by every second, it was about to explode ...
"w- what i asked was .. what exactly are we ..? you keep confusing me with your actions since you know .. im pretty sure friends dont act like this, right?" you looked down as you were in a blushing mess. he was even still holding your hand oh so gently.
he chuckles softly, he didn't even blink. it was as if he was already expecting this question. and he was waiting for you to ask! "well, what do you think we are silly?" he chuckles again.
"i- i dont know!! thats why im asking you!! you're the one thats silly ..." you scoffed at him as you let go of his hand.
he couldn't contain his laugh as he took both of your hands again. "then ill ask a different question, what do you want us to be ..?"
uh oh ... things were not supposed to go this way and he was definitely not supposed to ask you this question!!! "u- uhm .. i- i guess more than .. friend's ..?"
"oh, come on dear, im not accepting that as an answer. you should be more specific to avoid anymore confusion! tell me, do you want us to be friends, or lovers?" he smirked, he was enjoying teasing you a little too much ...
"y- you ..!! i- i want us to be .. lovers. alright? i said it so stop teasing me now, this is so embarrassing!!" you were surely gonna die from embarrassment, and it was all because of kazuha ...
he chuckles at you, he couldn't help it. "alright, alright ill stop, im sorryyy, i couldn't help it! you were too adorable for your own good ..."
he continues "but, im also sorry for leaving it unclear, my dear." he pats your head softly as he embraces you softly.
"s- so .. were like, dating .. i guess? uhm .." surely it felt awkward for you, but you were also relieved! atleast now you know that he feels the same.
he laughs in amusement because of your constant confusion "yes, yes we are my love. you know what? how about i give you a proper kiss incase you're still confused? do i have your permission to do that ..?"
"f- fine .."
(insert kissing scene cuz idk how to write one LMAO)
#genshin impact#genshin fluff#genshin x you#genshin fanfic#genshin imagines#kazuha kaedehara#kazuha x reader#kazuha fluff#genshin x reader#kaedahara kazuha#kazuha angst#kazuha headcanons#kazuha fanfic#kazuha#genshin impact kazuha#genshin
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yo idk if your chill w/ questions about bpd n shit but uhm
whats the difference between BPD n Borderline again? I think I have the one where its like weekly n not daily, but im still very unsure if thats a thing (did hear it from one of my friends) and am obviously still researching
just trying to learn n stuff yk, mb if this is too informal or something
Hello, my friend! Thank you for reaching out :) sorry this is a bit long, but I really want to help you out!
Although I am not an expert in any sort of sense, I do like to do research to help and understand others with mental illnesses. I hope this may be able to help you understand a few of the key differences of the two to help you along your journey!
Bpd (borderline personality disorder) is more of the kind where you feel intense mood swings depending on many different variables. Here is a definition I have found to help define it in short
“Borderline personality disorder is a mental health condition that affects the way people feel about themselves and others, making it hard to function in everyday life. It includes a pattern of unstable, intense relationships, as well as impulsiveness and an unhealthy way of seeing themselves. Impulsiveness involves having extreme emotions and acting or doing things without thinking about them first.”
Here is a link to read up on it if you’re interested!
This article really helps you get a grasp of some of the key concepts, causes, risk factors, etc.
There is also the criteria you have to meet to be diagnosed with Borderline, for which you need to meet at least 5 of 9 of them to be diagnosed.
1. Fear of abandonment
2. Unstable or changing relationships
3. Unstable self-image; struggles with identity or sense of self
4. Impulsive or self-damaging behaviors (e.g., excessive spending, unsafe sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating).
5. Suicidal behavior or self-injury
6. Varied or random mood swings
7. Constant feelings of worthlessness or sadness
8. Problems with anger, including frequent loss of temper or physical fights
9. Stress-related paranoia or loss of contact with reality
Unfortunate, right? Well, there are also subtypes of the disorder, which make it very difficult to get a proper diagnosis as well.
1. Impulsive
2. Discouraged
3. Self-Destructive
4. Petulant
Here’s a link to an article that may help to learn about them as well!
Link: https://www.verywellhealth.com/types-of-bpd-5193843
Now onto BP (Bipolar Disorder)
Here is a definition I have found and I will provide the link, which includes the definitions for the differing diagnoses and questions and answers regarding the disorder.
“Bipolar disorder (formerly called manic-depressive illness or manic depression) is a mental illness that causes unusual shifts in a person’s mood, energy, activity levels, and concentration. These shifts can make it difficult to carry out day-to-day tasks.”
Link: https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/bipolar-disorder
Of course, there are similarities between the disorders, but key differences as well! Things like mood changes, suicidal behavior and harmful behavior, are things both have in common, whereas a key difference is the rate at which the moods change. For example, a Bipolars mood may last distinct periods of time (maybe weeks or more), while a Borderlines moods may change rapidly within the course of a few minutes.
Here’s an article of the similarities and differences of the two!
Link: https://www.healthline.com/health/your-faqs-answered-bipolar-disorder-vs-borderline-personality-disorder
Of course, as I have said, I am by no means a professional! I encourage you to do your own research (you know yourself best) to see if either of them resonates with how you’re feeling! This way, you are able to get a diagnoses and some help!
Either way, you need to know you are not broken, and still are deserving of love. People with personality disorders have suffered a lot, and yet we are still stigmatized and hated by some. Nonetheless, I have learned that the community here on tumblr (and others out there!) are more than welcoming and accepting. There is always help out there!
And if anybody with BP or BPD has anything else to add, or would like to correct me on anything please let me know or comment! We are all here to help each other <3
#actually bpd#bpd#bpd culture is#bpd feels#bpd safe#bpd vent#bpd problems#bpd thoughts#cluster b#bipolar#bp#bipolar personality disorder#bipolar personality
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this might be a silly question, i dunno how much arcane fanfic you read. but i wanted to ask if you had any favorites or recommendations? genuinely curious. nottttt that i need any more bookmarks (my tbr list is screaming in agony :3), but i always like to talk about fanfic with people.
especially arcane?? a few of my toh mutuals do rb content, but since ive been getting into arcane/caitvi more i havent quite sunk my teeth in to all of the content thats out there. and also like i dont want to bother people with talking about things that arent fully in the toh fandom too much because i dunno where my mutual overlap of toh/arcane is.
i mostly read caitvi centered fics but im low key down for almost anything. i do need to read more jinx fics but i always seem to see them ship related(?). this might be controversial but i really cant see her being shipped??? ship jinx with therapy. she is unwell. repair the doomed sisters PLEASE.
getting sidetracked mb, but hey, if you have any recommendations or fics you like please feel free to let me know or drop them my way!! if anything ill most likely read them and want to talk about them sm ill explode. /pos.
...just please no major character death </3 i beg.
sorry for the random ass ask lol. hope u dont mind.
always send me random ass asks I 4 sure don’t mind! I’ll give you them in an ask answer 4 now, if by some random chance the author (s) see this and wish for it to be removed I’ll send it privately.
I have two recommendations, both them caitvi so I’m glad you like that pairing. I KNOW I’ve read and liked more than two but ig I haven’t bookmarked them yet. I’ll comb through my history later and see if I can find a few others :3
And yeah it really sucks I haven’t found any good jinx centered fics. I feel like no one gets her voice right? Idk.
My favorite caitvi fic is called Butterflies (Don’t belong in zoos) an it’s a pop star au. It’s very good, got a drop of angst, overall just amazing. Only warning is it EARNS that explicit rating so uh. Don’t read it in public? Unless you can control your facial expressions :}
The other one I have bookmarked is also very good! It’s called The Threads Of Fate Tangle and Twist. It’s a prison fic and it’s pretty intense but it is worth it I promise. As far as I remember it’s not too bad as far as explicit content but I have a horrid memory so
if you read these pls come and yap with me I’ll be thrilled! Imma go try and find a few more
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New pinned
i forgot this platform existed, might try being active once more after a whole year. So lets do this
Basic info
Haii my name is Asra or Achilleas, i also go by Bug and Guro. Im Greek/Albanian, im Schizobipolar, OCD, DIDsys, AuDHD and Borderline. I'm an oc and multifandom artist, main stories i post about are The Aftermath (or TA, punk dark comedy VN in development), Lovesick (or LS, psychological horror/ dark comedy) and Mind Breaker (MB, dark comedy fucked up "romance")
Fandoms i post about are Bungo Stray Dogs, stardew valley, spiderverse franchise and more idk.
BYF:
I post about sensitive topics and i do not censor artistic nudity, heavy scars or healed SH scars
My stories have dark topics that are exaggerated for the sake of comedy. I try not to represent anything bad in good light but keep in mind that i joke about stuff like this
i will not compromise or water down my content for your comfort. If you dont like it, simply move off or ill block you. You alone are responsible for what you consume on the internet
Be direct with me if im doing anything genuinely wrong, any aggression gets you blocked
i might be severely inactive during Depressive cycles, if you need me urgently, reach out to me on any other platform
Tags i will be using
#the aftermath VN -> for my main story. Mainly for dev updates, art of the cast, random facts etc
#lovesick project -> for my sidestory, mainly for art, concepts etc
#mind breaker project -> for my mini project, mainly for art, writing and concepts
#casrastr0phe art -> for the art that happens not to be related to my stories
#schizopawsting -> for unrelated rambling
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SO HELP ME
If I see one more person be like "I love tfb!" and name a MCCAFFERTY SONG..... I will end it.... I WILL END IT.... THIS IS THE THIRD TIME... I THOUGHT THIS WWS A JOKE GUYS☹️☹️☹️
SEMI RELATED
I popped out of the womb listening to these fuckers. My older brother was a super fan before he passed AND NOW HE'S GIVEN ME TFB AUTISM !? I will ironically be like "you don't listen to them the way I do😒" BBUT LOWKEY GUYS.. IDK.......... IM STARTING TO THINK I UNIRONICALLY SAY THAT.... I'm ill in the head and get frustrated when people like things I do mb😥😥😥
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man it is SO nice to find a solution to a really shit problem only for 50 other problems to happen
i am completely alone with zero support in a house i hate, doing as much housework as possible so it can be manageable both in day to day life and so its not hard to just leave when i move, and i still am not getting any help getting rid of the stuff.
i have almost no money and i have to pay to take the train to buy food or neccessities and i was dumb enough to not send a letter sooner so i dont know if ill get my money until after christmas or not, i havent bought more than one christmas gift either cus im fucking broke, and i dont feel anywhere in my body that i want to spend time making something for anyone. my brother still isnt done paying me my money back and literally hasnt talked to me since last time he asked for money, my dad hasnt fucking talked to me in ages and the one time he called in summer it was out of boredom to ask when i was gonna visit them, none of my extended relatives talk to me at all so what the fuck is the point there, and my mom is just. a fucking bitch.
i had her removed as a legal guardian, not even on purpose initially but because folkenemnda or whoever sent her a letter before i was able to have a meeting, so she ofc got fucking offended and now has decided sve cant be involved in anything. she cant call electricians, she cant help fix the house, its "too difficult" for her to have to talk to me or my new legal guardian instead of just buying stuff right away, and she told ME to get a new phone service provider. i had to fix that myself. on top of her being, once again, a useless bitch. dont touch my stuff i say, its fucking embarrassing that you have dirty laundry she implies while moving all my furniture around and doing shit to my kitchen while refusing to acknowledge its my house but still treating it like her own, and not fixing the internet again after they unplugged it.
so i have no access to internet besides my last 150 mb of phone data unless i call some guy to fix it, but they wont be here until next year most likely so its pretty much pointless, and if i buy phone data i have to pay. so if i cant get it fixed ill be literally alone for two weeks straight with no people at all around me and noone i can talk to on the internet. except for fucking. christmas. idk about new years eve. and i dont even fucking like my family, i dont even want to spend time with them, they treat me like shit.
the ac doesnt work since mom got the electricians to look at everything but never actually hired anyone to fix shit and now is completely uncooperative. and after they checked the fireplace in that control like two years ago im not allowed to use it, and mom never actually got that fixed either even though shes been in charge of absolutely everything since forever.
plus both heaters downstairs are set to 27c or max and it still is only like 17 or 19 or so, i have an entire room in the house i straight up cant use cus theres no power and no light and 17c in there and its full of stuff i asked mom to take to the thrift store for me 6 months ago. also i cant leave either heater on if im boiling water or washing dishes cus that overloads the entire fucking thing.
and its just like so much bullshit all at once and ive been spacing out for like 2 hours while writing this cus i get so frustrated and upset and angry and sad. its not fucking fair that my parents literally dont care about me, yet im expected to be fucking sociable and call and visit them and reach out. they didnt reach out to me or support me at all when i was a kid, or a teenager, or an adult, why the fuck would i want to deal with them. but if i dont go to visit them on christmas or i point out that hey. youre not really being fair or nice to me at all, hell breaks loose cus i should be more than happy with the crumbs they give me, as if theyre the best people in the world for fucking. calling once every six months or letting me celebrate a holiday with them.
like. im stuck here for 2 weeks, im broke as shit, no connection to the outside world once i use all my data, i very much am still mentally ill even if im better than before i went inpatient. but once i go back ill have to go back to work and i dont have a psychiatrist to talk to and im not on any meds i think i might need and i havent been tested for anything yet, i havent been had driving practice yet, i can barely talk to my support contact, i need a lot more help than i am being given, im not getting the help i ask for when i do ask for it, and thats on top of shit parents and a shit house and two cats i love but am not sure i can keep given the whole thing where im gone for months at a time. and i just. how the fuck am i supposed to be able to keep a job or ever move out or make friends properly or keep a new apartment or house or be mentally stable. its so much bullshit all at once wtf
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