#maybe too much work for my brain to handle's time tbh

[nedtylue]

Hellooo!! im sure you know why im here (hehehe),

May i please request some lucifer fluff, like how mc would have to go about (lovingly) forcing him to take a damn break, (mans may know he doesn't need as much sleep as a human but he still needs the normal amount of sleep a demon does) and i know the first idea is kind of overused when it comes to luci fics and headcannons buuuuuuut it could be reversed so that its mc who overworks themself (tbh relateable) and luci has to (attempt to) help them to relax and during his attempts hes like 'am I this bad when I overwork myself' (and a mc who overworks themself could be a prompt for all the bros if yoou wanted to write something with them all)

(also i may return with another request if i get anymore ideas your writing is very good (20/10 would eat if possible/hj) the second idea kind of sounds like im trying to sell you a car or smth lol i promise im not)

sorry if its alot i started ranting a lil bit (btw me mentioning 2 ideas usually means i had one and then it split as i was typing and my brain went maybe they want a choice)

(feel like i've typed too much) thank you for reading the ramble thing if you read all of it feel free to write it hw you want and have a good day/night (morning, evening, midday, lunch, breakfast???)

Hey sweetheart! I love this especially since I've been working on an angsty fic for a while so I really appreciate the fluff! Anyway I decided to just make it a full fic with only Lucifer, hope you enjoy!!

Please take a break

“Lucifer, could you please take a break? Just a quick nap, or even fetching a snack from the kitchen will do”

“I will, dear“ Lucifer replies, not looking up from his work “Just after I finish this paper”

And Mc sighs. They refrain from telling Lucifer that this is the fifth time he said that today. Saying so will only make him more stubborn

So Mc just settles in their chair and tries to get cozy. They check their DDD, knowing that it's way past their bedtime, and they're met with the clock mocking them that they'll have to be at RAD in four hours. Exhaustion washes over them, and they silently beg their future self to forgive them for the suffering they'll bestow on them

They put away their DDD, and when they feel their eyes droop shut, they feel a bit of defeat settle in their heart. This won't be the first time they fall asleep in Luci's study, and they know Lucifer will stop his work soon, will carry them to their bed, and will make sure they're well tucked and cozy.

They just hoped the break they give him this time wouldn't be the five-minute walk from his study to their room

But Mc still begrudgingly counts that as a win, because if this doesn't count as a way to distract Lucifer from his work for at least five measly minutes, then Mc might just go mad from watching this man work his life away

And soon enough, when Mc fell asleep and soft snores accompanied the sound of pen on paper, Lucifer would look up at his beloved darling. A small smile will appear on his face as he admires Mc and how peaceful they look while they're asleep. He still feels a sense of wonder every time Mc falls asleep in his presence, amazed by how at ease Mc is in his company that they'd let themselves be so vulnerable.

He'd admire their beauty for a long time, pen still in hand as if he could snap himself out of his trance anytime and continue working, but he knows he won't. Not when Mc is sleeping in such an uncomfortable position. He would sooner or later get up, and carry Mc in his arms to their bed. He would lay gently, throw the covers over them, and watch them. His hand would lightly move a few strands of hair from their cheek and would stay there, gently cupping his beloved's cheek, lightly caressing them when the love and adoration in his chest became too much for him to handle.

He sees the dark circles under their eyes and he winces, feeling a pang of guilt stab at his chest. Mc is just too stubborn. He's already told them that he's fine, that he doesn't need to sleep as much or eat as often as humans, but they still try to get him to take a break from his work. He even urges them to go and rest, knowing that humans should sleep for eight hours a day, but they refuse, saying that they'll rest once Lucifer takes a break.

He can't believe he fell for such a stubborn human

And yet, he smiles like a lovesick fool as he watches them sleep.

Lucifer feels a stir in the house. Satan must've woke up, and is making his way to the kitchen to start making breakfast. Lucifer checks the time and sees that Mc will have to wake up in an hour. He knows he must leave now, he's still got work to do before he has to make sure that his brothers are up and ready for school.

But then exam season rolls in, and something they didn't expect happened

He leans in, his lips briefly touching his beloved's hair, then he slowly gets up and leaves Mc's room, throwing one last glance their way, watching how their chest slowly moves with every breath, before he finally shuts the door behind him and makes his way to his study.

—————————————————————

The brothers have seen how often Mc tries to get Lucifer to take a break no matter how much he refuses, and they let them. Soon, Mc will realise that there's no getting Lucifer away from his work (Unless there's an emergency, of course) They just gotta wait for Mc to make this realisation on their own

Mc now refuses to stop studying.

It was funny the first two days, exams haven't even started yet, they're going to start a whole week from now, and yet anywhere you see Mc, there's a book in their hands, or notes, or flashcards, or-

The point is, wherever you see Mc, they're studying. They'd get startled whenever anyone tries to talk to them, and if they agree to go somewhere or do something with the brothers to, you know, give themselves a break, they would agree. And show up with something to study with

Slowly, this stopped being funny when Mc and turned concerning very quickly stopped showing up at the dinner table, opting to eat in their room surrounded by their books. When whenever anyone would ask them anything they'd say 'Sorry, not now, maybe after I'm done studying' Even if they asked Mc what day it was, that's their answer!!

And they're never done studying! Even if you catch them without a book, they're mumbling to themselves various formulas, answering imaginary questions, and generally not beinh fully there! Their eyebags became so deep Belphie tried knocking them out one time, but Mc just sidestepped him. Their hair is disheveled Asmo tried taking them on a spa day, but the workers were so unnerved by Mc's constant mumbling and suddenly moving to check a lesson, a spell, or an answer on their DDD

It was also unnerving everyone they knew, the brothers, Diavolo and Barbatos, the angels, and even Solomon. They all tried getting Mc to take a break, but Mc refused. They keep telling them that they're fine, that they've slept enough, that they eat and take regular breaks (never mind that they barely sleep for one hour before they wake up for RAD, and take a half-hour nap max if they really, really feel like shit. never mind that all their food is snacks or that their 'regular breaks' are their bathroom breaks)

And Lucifer of course isn't just idly watching Mc wither away like this. He tries to take them on dates, tries to convince Mc to sleep at a reasonable time, and tries to make them eat anything that doesn't come pre-packaged

He's never seen them push themselves like this

“Well of course they will,” Asmo tells him as all the brothers look at him accusingly “that's all they see you do!”

“Yeah, you hypocrite” Mammon crosses his arms and shakes his head “How are they supposed to listen to a word you say if you do the exact same thing?”

“I'm a demon” Lucifer defends himself. He won't keel over if he works too much for a while, Mc will

“It doesn't matter to them,” Satan says “You showed them that overworking oneself is normal, now they're going to work until they burn themselves out”

Mammon rushes for the water-

“Not literally, Mammon”

Lucifer lets out a sigh

“I'll talk to them”

“That's not gonna cut it” Belphie glares at Lucifer

“You need to take care of yourself, Lucifer, and once they see you do that, they'll follow”

Lucifer stares at Beel, then slowly turns to look at the rest of his brothers. They all seem to agree, and that makes him sigh. He'll try, of course. For Mc, he's ready to do anything.

—————————————————————

The tic-ticking of the clock stopped bothering Mc a long time ago. They stopped checking the time, watching the time pass makes them feel so nervous. Instead, they rely on the numerous alarms they set up on their DDD to tell them when they should sleep, wake up, eat, and check if there's anything they've put off doing for too long

“hmm?” They ask, still reciting under their breath how an Angel's muscles replicate the movement of a diaphragm when a human is near-

Something in the back of their mind tingles. They think they may have heard a knock on the door, and they might have mumbled “Come in” but they aren't entirely sure. They've been way too focused on memorizing the difference between angels' and demons' respiratory systems to notice the door opening and closing, to hear the footsteps, or sense their favorite demon coming up behind them. They only slightly turn their head when they feel a hand on their shoulder gently shaking them

“Mc? Could you leave your books for a moment?”

“I'm busy now. Maybe after I-”

“It's four in the morning, Mc”

Mc tilts their head slightly, looking at Lucifer in confusion before turning to look at the clock. There's no way it's four already, it was just one like half an hour ago-

But the hands of the clock show that it is four fifteen now. Shit, now they don't have time to revise the spells in chapter five before they go to sleep, and the General Spells exam is in three days-

“Mc, please look at me” A touches Mc's cheek and gently guides them until they look into Lucifer's eyes. He looks so sadly at them. It makes Mc wanna cry

“You've been pushing yourself far too much, my darling. What happened?” He asks, and something in how soft he sounds makes Mc lean into his hand until it's the only thing supporting their body

“It's just been a hard semester” Mc mumbles as they stare into his eyes. They shine so beautifully in the soft glow

“I see” Lucifer replies, feeling a bit of relief spreading through him. He's so glad Mc is actually looking at him, actually replying to him, and not just repeating that empty promise they've been saying for the past week-

Mc suddenly pushes themselves away from his hand and tries to go back to the book

“I have to study. I'm behind, I was supposed to be done with anatomy three hours ago. Can we talk later, Luci?”

A hand again guides their face, the other slowly turns the chair until Mc is facing at Lucifer. He’s kneeling on the ground and looking so gentle and tender and warm that Mc wants nothing to do but sink into his arms

But if they do so they might fail their classes, and Lucifer will be so disappointed in them

“Lucifer, please, leave me alone. It'll just be for one week, then I'll spend time with you all you want” Mc was now looking at Lucifer, a hint of frustration could be seen in their eyes. They really just need to get past this week, only this week, just one more week then they can rest

But their voice was laced with a hint of desperation. They can't let their grades slip, they can't

And something in Lucifer just breaks at seeing his darling like this.

His brothers' words echoed in his ears

He really is the one to blame for Mc's state here. How could he call himself a deserving partner when he's let Mc slip from him like this?

“No, Mc,” Lucifer whispers so tenderly as he takes their hand into his

“You need to rest, to eat. Come on, love”

He gets up and pulls Mc until they're standing up, then starts guiding them out of the room.

Mc resists weakly. They really feel tired, and they've been ignoring their hunger for-for… how long now?

“But Luci…” They still try protesting, hoping that he could at least let them study while they eat “I'm not done yet with todays studies”

“No, love” Firmness. He opens the door, and continues guiding Mc towards the kitchen “That's enough studying for today, and for tomorrow, if we can help it-”

“No!” Mc turns around so quickly and looks at Lucifer in panic “I can rest for today, but not tomorrow!”

Lucifer just chuckles lightly, feeling amused by their reaction and kisses their forehead

“Alright, you'll rest for today, and then we'll see what happens tomorrow”

Mc just sags and hums, closing their eyes and lean into the kiss, and Lucifer could feel his heart swell in his chest

His Mc is just so adorable

And so Lucifer makes them sit in the kitchen while he makes them a light snack, and watches them eat it. He guides his beloved to his room, where there's nothing they can use to study, and lays them in his bed, joining them so he can engulf them in his embrace.

He watches them as their eyes droop and shut, as their breathing evens out, and their body goes slack in his arms. He watches them for a long time, until sleep gets a hold of him too, and he finds himself drifting away into the land of sleep.

He wakes up to his beloved trying to get up, to leave his arms and go to RAD, but he just shushes them and holds them closer

“Shh, you're not going today. We can ask Satan for notes late. Rest for now, love”

And Mc goes back to sleep in mere minutes, and Lucifer decides to just follow them. He hasn't been around Mc for a whole week, would it be that bad to spend the morning drifting in bed with them?

Soon, Mc stirs and wakes up, and Lucifer feeling them stir opens his eyes. After a quick look at the clock to check how long they've been asleep for, he relents and lets Mc get up

“Where are you going” He squints at them suspiciously as he sees them move towards the door, and they look back sheepishly, like they've just been caught doing something they know they're not supposed to be doing

“I'm going to my room?” Lucifer shakes his head

Mc pouts at Lucifer but obliges, muttering under their breath a quick “Do I really?”

“No, go to the bathroom and take a bath. A long one, Mc. You deserve one”

“Yes, you do” Lucifer sighs and gets off the bed. He moves towards Mc and gently cups their cheeks in his hands

“You deserve to rest, Mc, you've been studying non-stop this past week” He leans forward and kisses their forehead “Now, go take a shower. I saw Asmo sneak in some products for you to use. I'll go prepare some breakfast for us, and we could eat in the garden, how does that sound?”

Mc nods, and Lucifer lets go of them. He goes to prepare some french toast- one of Mc's favorite breakfasts- along with various sweet fruits for them to eat and goes to prepare their little picnic in the garden

Soon, Mc joins him looking far more relaxed than before. He hugs them, his fingers combing through their soft hair as the smell of the strawberry shampoo wafts through the air

“How do you feel love?” He feels Mc's arms around him tighten as Mc snuggles just a bit closer, then they release him. It takes him a moment to release them too

“Better” They say, their voice so soft and they smile so warmly at him, Lucifer almost wants to pull them back into his arms

But he knows that his love hasn't been eating well, and he'd hate for their breakfast to run cold, so instead, he holds their hand and pulls them towards the table he's prepared for them

They eat in silence, enjoying the serenity of the moment, the presence of each other. Lucifer basks in the peace and quiet only the absence of his brothers give him, while Mc's enjoys how calm and silent their mind has become after their rest.

Lucifer seems to notice Mc's mind wandering back to their studies, and he frowns slightly at that

But exams aren't done yet, they still have a week of suffering before it's over. They really should be studying right now

...But they could have this nice morning for themselves. Just this once, as a treat

He lowers his cutlery, and looks at Mc, his expression serious yet soft as he calls for them

“Yes?” They know what Lucifer will try to say, and they know how to respond. They really need to study hard, or else their grades will slip-

“Mc”

Mc turns to look at Lucifer as they pop a bloodshade into their mouth, enjoying the sweet-sour taste of the fruit

“would you stop pushing yourself too hard if I stop too?” Mc startles at this question

“…what?” They stare at Lucifer, tilting their head in confusion. Where did that come from?

He puts his hand over theirs, and Mc sees guilt in his eyes. It's not a good look on him. Mc wants to squish it out of existence

“My love, you're always trying to get me to take a break, and I've always brushed off your concerns. I feel so foolish now,”

“You were acting like a fool, Luci” He huffs out, but mirrors the smile on Mc's face

“Yes, I suppose I was, but if watching me made you feel even half as worried as watching you study, then I ought to apologize to you. I'm truly sorry for brushing off your concerns, Mc, and making you worry about my well-being, and will take as many breaks as you want from me, dear, if you promise to stop overworking yourself"

He brings Mc's hands to his lips and kisses his knuckles, sending a wave of warmth travelling through Mc until it rests in their cheeks

"How does that sound, darling?” he asks and looks at Mc so sincerely that it almost makes them feel overwhelmed

So Mc smiles brightly at Lucifer. They nod, agreeing with this deal, and feel their heart skip a beat at the smile that appeared on Lucifer's face

Mc has known that they were overworking themselves, and maybe the thought that 'if Lucifer can do it then they can too' have crossed their mind once or twice, but they didn't think that Lucifer would get so worried. Worried to they point that he'd put his work aside, basically put Diavolo aside just for them.

Maybe they've pushed themselves too much. Maybe they need to slow down a bit, if only to stop the others from worrying, to stop their boyfriend from worrying.

And this sounds like a pretty sweet deal. Mc is not going to look a gift horse in the mouth

Yes, this is quite the sweet deal they have

—————————————————————

Welp, this was fun! Sorry it took me more time than I thought it would, it was supposed to be a quick thing but, oh well

Also dw I also rant a lot it's like my brain just screams mid-writing You Know What Would Sound Better??!!! So yeah I enjoyed writing this and I really hope you enjoy reading it ^^

Also I really love your energy and I hope you have a fun day/night!!! (Brunch/ lunch /dinner??) :>

[pinkyjulien]

WIP Saturday 🙋‍♂️

Been slowly gettin' back into CP77 modding and wanted to do some comfy hoodie :3

First attempt was a port from Marvelous Designer

Everything was going fine, weight was decent, but trying to get the materials right was fucking my groove up

Wasn't satisfied with how it looked, the shadows were unpleasant, and couldn't find any materials that I liked - so I ended up tossing it aside (didn't delete it! Might rework in the future when I feel better about it 👀)

Instead, I decided to work from a Vanilla garment!

Pics from Khagan's Clothing Catalog

I love this hoodie and used it a lot during my PL playthrough - tho it's way too crowded for what I had in mind, a simple, comfy hoodie

Even if I was able to delete some of the additional bits, a big part of it is actually baked into the main submesh (like a lot of vanilla meshes)

After my unbuckled Aldecaldos jacket I feel more confident tackling heavy editing projects tho, so this wasn't TOO spooky 👌

First thing first, I deleted a big chunk from the left top side and kept the bottom part (to keep the assymetry and natural flow of the fabric) then I mirrored the right side and connected everything to the remaining left side

Fixing a mesh up means I also need to unwrap its UVs again - AND that means duplicating, moving and flipping the normal map to follow the new unwrapped uvs

Same with the mlmask layers, but that comes later 🧍‍♂️

The original Hoodie has a bunch of additional meshes; the sleeves and hoods variants are on a separate mesh that gets called by the OG entity

I decided to merge everything into a single mesh, easier to handle for me in the AXL structure later 🔎

Regardless, still needed to move the sleeves and hoods to match the new fixed left side (since its a mirror of the right side!)

Now that the meshes are fixed both model and UV wise, need to re-weight it from the OG garment 🤚 That concludes the 3D part

AXL side, I went with 4 different garment ent and apps to handle the 4 variants; default (hood down, long sleeves), hooded, rolled sleeves, and hooded + rolled!

A fun lil detail with this mesh is that the hood doesn't have any garment support - with this in mind I decided to use the T1 - inner torso - slots to allow us to wear vest on top of the hoodie

😫👌 Idk idk it scratch my stinky brain really good HGHFH I love it

With everything ready, t'was time to tackle the FUN part; the appearaaaaanceeeees 🤠

I first had 4 designs with 5 colors each - but it quickly turned into 6 colors each; first design being the "basic" / default one, that I named "edgewear"

Gotta keep in mind that each color has 4 mesh variants, so that's already 24 items

I then used the beloved "orange leather" vanilla hoodie with the white barghest face on it (the one I used through my PL playthrough! probably my favorite tbh) as a base for my next design, "quilted"

It has a cute skunk ass hood 🦨

And I'm currently still working on a third design inspired by Varsity Jackets, the... well gfhhg "varsity" design

All of the appearances are still Wips and might change 🧍‍♂️

and I'd like to maybe add one more BUT... that's already 74 items, I don't like having too much options hgfh but dynamic AXL makes it really easy to just go apeshit with variations

ANYWAY I felt like doing another Behind The Mod TM post :3 some of y'all like them and I like sharing my modding stuff!

[p0rk-guts]

waitt but what's different about your ocified velvette... i like her a little but find myself wanting more substance from her in canon tbh

TEEHEE WHAT A GOOD QUESTION I TOTALLY DIDN'T SET PPL UP TO ASK ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay sew me and @ajistorpid were talking and they inspired a good chunk of my ideas so you can blame them for feeding my sick delusions.

Read more just like last time bc I talk too much sorry but there's art in there too oooo you should look u should read my ramblings

As far as I know, Velvette has no canon age at death, cause of death, or death date so based on what we know we just crafted our own headcanons. AJ proposed she might've had parents who ran one of those family vlog channels with her as the face of it, becoming a child influencer under her parents' control. I was thinking she could've been a child model- yk like. dance moms or something. Idk I don't remember what was happening on that show— anyways. Yea

Either way she grew up constantly controled and perfection was her standard. All of her outside thoughts and feelings and interests and opinions were constantly dismissed in favor of what made her more marketable. She never did get that popular in life tho, and her mentors always shamed and blamed her for it.

Idk if this is canon or not, but the idea of the sinners designs reflecting their vices or things they regreted or hated in life is an untapped gold mine to me so that could explain where Velvette's supposed doll and clown themes come from. Became a toy dressed up and paraded around for the entertainment of others + joke never taken seriously. She'd hate that

(As for how that ties into my redesign…. me and AJ were thinking she could be a vampire doll, but I'm not sure IDK I wanna sketch that out and see what it's giving)

In hell she easilly fell back into this warped facsimile of her old life bc it was all she knew. "she feels some form of pseudo control and enjoyment because she has no one pulling her strings now" (<-AJ) SHE'S running things!!! Who's the puppet now!!!!!!

Then THAT had me thinking too because now that I think about it. Why Is she the backbone of the V's?? She's like. An undergrad student in my mind at the MOST and Vox and Val are two men pushing 40 I'm sure. I think a big part of it is the fact that those two are almost complete and utter buffoons who let their emotions cloud their actions constantly, Valentino most obviously but even tho Vox seems more composed like when he's talking Val down from his outburst and when he was talking to the press, we can still see he's a total mess—especially where Alastor is concerned. He lost it so bad during their duet HE SHORTED PENTAGRAM CITY'S POWER.

Now out of all the V's we've seen the least of Velvette (I'd call it what it is but yall gon get real mad at me), The most we really got out of her character was the overlord meeting (and despite her huge ego and unruly behavior she did end up speaking facts), so maybe she Is just as unstable as them in canon but canon is SHIT and this isn't about canon anymore. In my mind she's very much in charge of the back end of their work. Vox is obviously the head of the operation—or at least he seems like it to me—what with the tech company having his name and with him answering the interviews, but I think that's all he is. The figure head. Velvette is the brain behind it all. When Vox proposes new buisness endeavors off the cuff she's the one who goes back and makes sure they're getting handled properly because he doesn't really dig into the backend of how things happen. Vox goes to most of the conferences or whatever (Vel's too busy running her shows and serving cunt after all) but Vel follows up on what was learned.

(also yeah all that makes this very much an au of an au bc it'd take a lot of radical changes for the two of them to be friends I think. It's fun to imagine anyway)

Quoting AJ here bc I'm bad at paraphrasing and they said it well:

"And if we're going to make her sympathetic, (obviously not excusing her enabling a rapist) Val and Vox are grown ass men and she never got to experience the world outside a camera

Velvette is easily malleable with no real relationships!! Some victims tend to gravitate towards people who are similar to their abusers the only exception is that she feels like she has control this time"

THIS this. THIS! Okay uhh vague personal experience w/ abuse cw ig. skip this paragraph if you don't wanna hear it. But It kinda reminds me of my relationship with my parents- NOT THAT I SEE THEM AS TWO DADS AND A DAUGHTER I DO NOT BELIEVE IN THAT NOTION IN A POST PILOT WORLD If future content proves me wrong it proves me wrong but at this moment they're all equals in my mind (…and I hc them as poly BUT WE'LL GET THERE) but In my situation it's like. I hate my parents for the abuse they've caused me, my mom more than my dad bc she's satan incarnate, but there are still things I like about my dad and. Tolerate. About my mother. We still can talk cordialy and spend time together, have fun together even, and I show affection to them, but deep down I know I wanna cut my mom off later and maybe my dad too depending. Additionally my mom is completely Incompatent and pulls none of her weight so despite it all I've been forced to pick up the slack and become half the brains of this family. I do chores she should take care of. Handle money. Make important decisions about our health and safety she doesn't care about.

AAAny ways. This is so my version of Velvette. No I'm not projecting (I am). She pulls a big chunk of the weight around there (some of it being carried by Vox and virtually none by Val). She's very close with the two of them but isn't a fan of everything they do (Cares more for Vox than Val in my mind). Speaking of, she definitely isn't some saint now, she still makes the love potions and is Impassive to both Val and Vox's behavior, but part of that Is her just seeing it as part of the business. Shady practices and exploitation are par for the course in any business to her. She never truly grew out of the harmful mindsets ingrained into her by whoever her enabling caretakers were in life and they're still apparent in hell. (Maybe she even experienced some of the darker sides of exploitation in life but was groomed into thinking it was okay contributing to why she doesn't see Valentino's actions as heinous. Idk. thinking on it)

Circling back to my poly V's idea. Idk it just seems plausible to me. Vox and Val already have their whole thing going on, they all live together, and they all have nicknames for each other (Vox calling her my dear, Val calling her baby doll, Vel calling Vox darling). Ik that could just be their personalities and the pet names don't have to mean anything more but this is MY au and my word is gospel hope this helps. It just makes sense

I could go on and ON about the toxic insanity of the Poly V's in my mind— particularly between Vox and Valentino— but this is NOT their post so maybe next time. As for Velvette, I get the vibe that she'd be intimate with both of them and enjoy it but she's never the one to initiate anything. Sometimes they're all like this 🤞🏾 and others the boys are a complete turn off to her (main example being the difference in her attitude towards Vox in episode 3 vs episode 8). Her tolerance of them flips on a dime depending on how they're acting. She also prefers to be a casually entertained observer to VoxVal more often then not (ex. end of episode 8 imo)

Boys aside. My Velvette is still a social media influencer and she's all about advertising. advertising products (like the love potion), clothing looks, technology... Heck even herself. "You're nobody if you don't wear this or use this or look like this ^ - ^". Projecting on her even further by making her have a love/hate relationship with her profession aka the modeling aspect of it: she's always had a genuine love for fashion and dressing up but the internal pressure for perfection she's placed on herself makes it hard for her. She's very hard on her models and designers bc of this

Couldn't think of a segway for this but also WHAT HAPPENED TO VELVETTE WANTING TO FIGHT THE ANGELS??? The "full assault plan" against the angels??? And then when the fight actually came they were all just lounging around watching it go down like it was afternoon tv????? This isn't even a "we'll get to it in season 2" thing did they honest to god forget? Did that line not mean anything??

Well I didn't forget and it's pissed me off since my first rewatch of that meeting scene. Don't think we don't know how the V's got the angel head, but In my head Velvette was the one who initially proposed the idea for an assault against heaven and her insatiable need to feel respected and feared only spurred this plan on, incredible risk be damned.

It also felt weird to me that Velvette just. Let it go when Carmilla said the meeting was over. Just. "Oh ok! Plan cancelled no more attacking heaven ^ - ^ I'm gonna go scroll for the rest of the show!" Hu h. My au-ified Velvette would definitely fight her on it— if she thought killing angels would change the game and Carmilla held the secrets behind it she would pry! Blow up at her about it until she wasn't getting results and bitterly storming off with as much composure as she could muster. Not wanting to team up with Carmilla but find some way to use her for all she was worth and get her way in the end, use the power and resources the V's had to actually make a plan. Would it have worked without the Morningstars? Eh. Either way I'm sure she could delude herself into thinking they were the most powerful people in hell. Ugh I don't wanna make an au rewrite of the show and I that was never my plan so idk where that'd go but. Yea

ANYWAYS anyways. wow you made it to the end somehow! Here's your treat :3

Context u didn't ask for: Some days Velvette overwhelms herself with her own impossible expectations. Nothing she creates or puts out is good enough. She gets extra anxious about her following; nothing's happened to them, but what if they see the miniscule flaw in her latest clothing that she sees? What if she's no longer perfect? (Even worse in the vamp Velvette redesign of her bc she literally feeds off their attention and admiration)

She'll snap at everyone and disapprove of every look and then hole herself away somewhere where she crashes and is just. So. Tired. But she'll be out of it the next day, ready to keep the conveyor rolling.

[e-r0da]

A Strong Sorcerer

AN: First work so please let me know what you think! Don't really know where this came from tbh, just wanted to try my hand at writing :) Might make a part two if the inspo strikes!

Word Count: ~1.5k

CW: Mention of severe injury. Fluff hinting at a potential Yuuta x reader pairing.

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You were never going to be the strongest sorcerer.

Perhaps that’s not what the doctor said, but it’s what you understood.

Your fingers trailed your face softly, inching above your cheekbones and around the bridge of your nose, mapping out the bandages that hid what came of your first solo assignment. 

Perhaps this is how it feels, you thought. To prove yourself.

It wasn’t your mission, at least not originally. But as a newly enrolled second-grade with an untested talent for handling shikigami, the sorcerer commission was curious enough to sub you in for Megumi, who was busy enough. So you took the mission. You just wanted to be of use.  

But no one anticipated a special-grade curse to be there to greet you.

Curious, you tried touching your right eye. A searing bolt of pain wormed its way into your brain as your hand jolted from your face, white stars blooming in your mind’s eye. Fuck. You felt a bit sick to your stomach, trying your best to calm your breathing and bite back a yelp.

You forced yourself to think logistically.

You would never be the strongest. Fine. This was never about that, anyway.

Would the commission even name you a grade-one after this? Maybe. It was undeniable that you had potential. And even if they never did, well. That wouldn’t be what stopped you.

Most importantly, could you still do it?

Could you still kill that curse?

You sat silently. You didn’t know how to answer the question that mattered most.

Without your sight, how much longer would it take to do what was needed?

*

“We’re here. Hold still for a minute, I’ll grab your stuff first and help you in.”

“Thanks.”

You felt Megumi’s hand leave your shoulder, his warmth slipping behind you quietly, presumably down the hall where a duffel of your equipment and medical supplies had been set down at the dorm’s entrance.

He felt bad, you knew that. But you wish he hadn’t. Megumi didn’t need another burden to shoulder.

The sound of wood creaking distracted you. It sounded like it came from your upper left. Huh. He moved fast.

“Megumi, I should have it from here so you don’t ne—”

“Wait-no Rika I didn’t mean—!”

“YUUTA YOU LIAR!”

You couldn’t help but feel your eyebrows shoot up as the floor shook beneath you. You searched for a wall to keep you balanced. Wait...Rika?

“Please it’s really okay—”

“BUT YOU TOLD THEM NO ONIONS!!” The floor shook again. 

Oh yeah, yup. Yuuta was definitely back.

The corner of your mouth twitched as you piped up. “Did he at least get the ranch, Rika?”

“-oh my god...”

“—YUUTA WHERE IS THE RANCH??!?”

You heard Megumi quietly step to your left, a small sigh leaving him. “No ranch? Now that’s just wrong, man.”

Turning your head in the direction of his voice, you murmured an agreement.

A door creaked open, followed by the soft sound of Yuuta scratching the back of his head timidly. Even without your sight, you’d watched him do it enough in the past to picture it now with ease.

“...Hey.”

You began to smile at the sound of his voice. But then the air was squeezed from you in one fell swoop.

“EEEE!”

You clambered an arm around Rika’s bear-hugging form, trying to simultaneously give her a welcome-back pat and expand your lungs.

“I missed you too, girlie.” You breathed out.

“Rika, she’s injured.” Bless your heart, Megumi.

You were dropped quickly. 

Megumi quietly grabbed your shoulder once again before you could stumble.

“NOOOO! NOOO! I’M SORRY!!”

You laughed. “I’m fine, Rika. You did nothing wrong.”

You heard the special-grade curse whimper. 

“I MISSED ONEE-CHAN...” Sometimes, Rika reminds you of a baby sister. 

It was easy to forget what the small girl had become at times like this. You wondered a bit if soon it would be even easier, now that you couldn’t actually see her anymore.

“We both missed you.” Your head whipped around. 

Yuuta. It made your chest warm up a bit, knowing he sounded the same as ever.

“How are you feeling?” 

“Hungry, if I’m being honest.”

“WE GOT NUGGETS!!! YUUTA! YUUTA THE NUGGETS!!!”

You let out an excited gasp. “With—”

“—with honey mustard, yes. I’m on it!” Rika let out a satisfied hum as Yuuta went to find your nuggets.

“YUUTA WENT BACK FOR THE MUSTARD. HE WAS SO COOL!!”

“Wooow! How did he forget his ranch then?”

Yuuta let out a strangled sigh from inside his room.

And...did Megumi just snort? 

*

Licking the last of the honey mustard from the counter of your mouth, you took in the silence that filled the hall, jokes of the past hour or so fading into the walls. Megumi had left to help with a mission, but Yuuta was still here, sitting beside you, and now that he was sans Rika he was awfully quiet. 

You missed being able to read people’s faces.

He breaks the silence. 

“We should have been there.”

Ah. You grasp at the floor around you for a napkin before wiping your hands and face clean. It buys you a few seconds to conjure something logical to say.

“At least it's dead. It can’t hurt anyone else.”

“It hurt you, though.” Oof. Okay, we’re being direct today.

“…No use crying over spilt milk, Yuuta.”

“This feels more serious than spilt milk, y/n.”

Man. 

“Don’t worry about me.”

“…”

This kind of silence–awkward silence–between you two felt foreign. You usually found peace in his company, even when it was silent. And even when things went wrong, you were usually the one trying to convince Yuuta to seek out help–whether it be in the form of medicine, company, or a break. Having someone fuss over you so persistently instead made you itchy all over. 

You wanted it to stop.

“...Yuuta.”

“Yeah?”

“Can I…” for a brief moment, you thought you wanted to ask him for a hug. 

“Can I have your onions?” That was equally as bad.

“...oh. Yeah, lemme put them on your plate.”

“Thanks.”

The silence now was worse than before, with the only thing filling it being your obnoxious crunching and the smell of raw onion (why oh why did you do this to yourself) making things even more acidic feeling, if possible.

He tries again, softer this time, if that was even possible.

“You know you can talk to me, right?” 

For some reason his words get the onions lodged in your throat.

You get up quickly mid-retch, trying to escape the fucking onions–and Yuuta’s aura of pity.

He pats your back firmly at some point (while apologizing because he seems to think that this counts as hitting you??) and it dislodges the vegetable, much to your relief. 

“This is all my fault.” Jesus christ.

“Ohmygod Yuuta please–”

“I really told them no onions this time, though.” Oh. Oh.

You let loose a cackle, at the absurdity of it all. And soon enough, Yuuta follows suit, hand still lingering on your back. Suddenly it feels like how things usually are between you two. Easy.

You breathe in deeply, taking a moment to recover from your laughing/choking fit before remembering what it is he said that got you in this state in the first place.

“I know I can talk to you, Yuuta. You’re probably the only person I would talk to...like that.”

The honesty in your voice somewhat surprises even you, making you a bit embarrassed. From the way his hand grips your shirt slightly, you would say the vulnerability shocked him too.

“–But! For now, can you take me back to my room?” you scratched the base of your skull. “I could really use a nap after all that yummy stuff.”

His chuckle is delicate, understanding. “I’d be happy to.” 

You don’t quite hear him move until you feel his warm breath fanning your neck, his hand softly holding your arm. 

“And...”

“Yeah?” Your cheeks feel hot.

“Whether I worry about you or not is up to me.”

At that you were quiet, brows scrunched together as your heart felt just a bit more heavy with every passing moment you spent together.

Yuuta was one of the few people who could still make you…uncomfortable. But not because he was mean. Never because he was mean. People like that had long since stopped bothering you. Rather, he reminded you of your mother’s hand in your hair, calming you between sobs. He reminded you of the freely-given ‘I love you’s’ of your baby sister. He reminded you of the only people you buried. Of tenderness.

He was probably the best friend you had ever made. It was just a shame that you had a death wish.

After a few moments of hobbling around together, he places your hand at the door knob of your room. 

“Here we are.”

You try to be honest. To warn him, inadvertently, as you step from your shared space in the hall to the one that was just your own.

“I still plan on fighting, you know.”

He doesn’t even miss a beat.

“Then I’ll help you train.”

[the-arceo-analysis]

AADA's thoughts on caffeine?

Alexander ask in my askbox hooray call that triple A !?!

Sean is just like. Your average father. Asks very nicely for everyone to not bring energy drinks into work, but will let them have one (1) coffee a day. Usually Kieran brings them in, but if everyone asks really nicely he would also do the coffee run. If he were to have a kid it would be a hard ban on energy drinks. And they wouldn't be allowed to have coffee until like. 16. And it would be a hard limit. (Would probably also fold and let them have one anyway every now and then. For special events). He isn't worried about the emotional/mental side affects but more so the physical ones on the brain and body. Excessive caffeine is not good for you !!!!

Matthew lives off of it. He absolutely sneaks monsters and redbulls in through his hoodie sleeves. Probably a million cans in his trash bag in his office downstairs. Wouldn't be surprised if he's pouring V drinks into his coffee . Unsure how he isn't dead

Kieran would rather a coffee over an energy drink but honestly isn't all that fond of it overall. Probably has a lot of different teas at home tho!! He only does the coffee runs because everyone enjoys it, and he wants people to like him ^^". It's not every morning but usually once or twice a week, on the company card of course. Though the first time he did it he used his own money and Sean was furious

Amani doesn't like drinking anything w caffeine in it, makes her heart hurt really bad. :-(. But if things are dire she would probably down like two cups of it. Pls Amani be safe,, . Kieran gets her a hot chocolate on the coffee runs 😋

Helena enjoys the occasional coffee but energy drinks are too much for her,, she also tries to discourage other people from drinking too much of it. Very responsible lady

Daiyu ?! Uhm. Daiyu. Yeah. Idk. I'd say she doesn't have a lot of it, when she was really little she and her brother would sneak a sip of coffee from their mom's cup. Would probably spit it out afterwards. And do it again a week later, haven learnt nothing. I can't really picture her getting anything from Kieran's coffee run tbh,, maybe a croissant

Cyrus is just bouncing off the walls with anxiety. Absolutely no need for him to have caffeine. Staying up late studying? Working night shift? Need to stay up for some other reason? That's okay he'll just think about literally anything and be totally incapable of sleeping for hours

Poseidon,, ., Poseidon's probably a big coffee guy (not more than once or twice a day though) but I can't imagine her drinking energy drinks. Probably want in his stupid stupid posh english accent about how bad it is for you. (With 6 cigarettes in his mouth and four bottles of alcohol in his hands /j)

I think Ormr would also be big on or at least okay with coffee, but energy drinks are pushing it. He doesn't like the taste of them anyway. And they're usually too bubbly. Yuck. Probably thinks he's better than everyone else who drinks energy drinks (he thinks he's better than everyone else anyway (not really but sort of I should get into that))

I personally am very passionate about the. Non consumption of energy drinks !!! (Obviously) I used to drink at least one a day for like 2 years straight and at some point it started making my heart hurts + making me feel sick and I realised woahh what the hell am I doing to my body. Uhh and now I drink my instant coffees in halves. Because that's all I can handle

[ashmcgivern]

Hi I’ve been absent a lot lately, the whole of 2024 in fact I’m realizing.

On top of just not having the spoons to really share much of what I’m doing, in combination with NDA, social media just exhausts me now. The state of the internet in general. I can’t really mentally handle constantly hearing and seeing how AI seems to be permeating every part of online existence, how every website is one big pool of advertisements, and uh, the state of the world in general. There are too many things for my dumb brain.

So I’m taking a bit of a back seat, or rather I have been I guess. Tumblr is really tbh only social media I spend any time on and even then there’s whispers of Automatic partnering up with Midjourney. If it happens I won’t stay here long that’s for sure.

And where does that leave me then? I have a lot of great friends on Discord I talk to and I’m getting into Twitch more, but I know people here still want to see what I’m up to. I have mutuals I like and artists I want to follow that I don’t necessarily want to abandon. But with the state of things, everyone just seems tired. People are sharing less. Is there really nowhere for artists left?

It’s just kind of depressing tbh. I get more fulfillment being away from social media than being on it, which is a GOOD thing, but it sucks that the time I do spend back here doesn’t feel safe anymore.

All this to say, I wish I had more to share, but I’m tired and feeling recluse, and I’m tired of shifting where my social media presence is at any given time. I’m very close to finishing a BIG project that I’ll finally be able to put online, but there’s a lot of processing I have to do first and these things take TIME.

I only have about one month left at WB (unless they extend me AGAIN which would be the 5th time fjdhdhdh) and maybe a break is what I need. But I dunno. I for sure will be streaming more if nothing else, but idk about my other social media presences. If you see me active on social media again, know that it’s def not because I enjoy it. It’s to get my name and face out there ultimately so I can find work again. Not to mention I’ve begun the process of archiving/moving my art blog to a new location where I can self host because…….. I’m so tired.

Idk!!! Morning thoughts. This is nothing my friends don’t already know but for those who are curious, here it is. I spend a lot of time on tumblr but I do t share a lot because of *broadly gestures*. Hope y’all feel me.

[transbutchblues]

someone on tiktok said this: the wisdom saga would’ve worked better if it had been rearranged. i think it should have been love in paradise (cutting out the beginning section, starting with calypso singing), god games, legendary, little wolf, and then we’ll be fine. and i agree that poseidon should’ve been in the role of zeus! i also think god games might’ve served better if we had two more sagas: the ogygia saga and the olympus saga. i think what is love in paradise would’ve been stronger if it was an entire saga seeing what happened on calypso’s island and same for god games being an entire saga. the gods got flattened too much having them all only have a max of abt two lines imo. i really enjoyed the wisdom saga, i just think it def could have been stronger

uh. interesting. i do think love in paradise could have been at the beginning, with the beginning of the song cut and put at the end of it instead (Athena suddenly becoming aware of Odysseus when he yells her name). i’m not sure regarding the order of the rest of the songs, but i get the idea. Zeus could have sort of kept his role if he had just been different? a battle of wit between him and Athena would have been interesting, or Poseidon arriving at the last moment to try and stop Athena? many things could have worked as long as Zeus didn’t hurt Athena like that. i don’t know if so many sagas would have been necessary (i think love in paradise could have been maybe two songs, but not a whole saga), but one more would probably help to make the whole thing more coherent with enough time for each important character. but we’ll see, maybe that will be handled perfectly in the last too sagas! the gods were definitely flattened but i think it could have been helped by just changing one or two lines tbh, not necessarily by making it longer. the wisdom saga is still good but i’m not gonna lie and say i truly loved it, it’s fine, but i was more disappointed than anything (except while listening to little wolf. Antinous did something to my brain)

[yakuzacanons]

I'm playing through Ishin and every time I think of Okita my brain goes brrrrr at an alarming velocity. It might be a problem, tbh. I love that feral gremlin too much.

Inspired by the Saejima ask, could we have some HCs for Okita teaching his S/O so to defend herself? Would he just teach her the basics, or would he also have her learn some basic sword/dagger techniques just to be extra safe...and maybe it's a little bit of a turn on to see your girlfriend with a sword. (+ some NSFW if you're cool with it)

Thanks for all your work boss! It always makes my day when you post. <3

More Ishin posting let's fucking goooooOOO, yes you may have more Okita, we can never have too much, no such thing as too much! Headcanons below, mwah.

Unlike Nagakura who thinks it's kind of cool and hot that his S/O wants to learn self defense, Okita has the opposite reaction. He's like "Whaddya mean, protect yourself? That's what I'm for." Not that he wants his partner to be constantly relying on him but he does kind of like to be protective.

Once he sees that you really do want to learn this, he'll volunteer to do it, mostly because in his mind "If ya really wanna learn, then ya may as well learn to do it right. Lemme show ya."

Is it secretly a ploy to make sure no other guy is putting his hands on you while showing you the ropes? Maybe. Totally. He'll never tell!

Okita isn't actually typically that jealous but he does actually think that if you're going to learn, you may as well learn from someone you already know who also happens to be experienced. Plus, an excuse for physical closeness.

You might even get away with doing your training on Shinsengumi grounds, and he'd love to just show you off in front of all the others.

Okita would start you out with the basics, although his teaching style is eccentric to say the least. He wouldn't hestitate to have some of his men step in for him to "show" you how it's done, which he gets a kick out of and they're mildly terrified by.

Speaks very bluntly, saying things like "When your back is against the wall, ya gotta slash 'em with everything ya got!" while grinning wildly. Hijikata thinks he sounds insane, but he keeps his mouth shut and just shakes his head as he passes by during a training session. Todo thinks it's really funny.

Once you have the basics, then Okita starts breaking out what he would refer to as "Soji Special Moves". No one else does these things except for him. He's kind of showing off a little bit at this point.

What surprises HIM is that you're an eager and quick learner. You needed some guidance on the basics but honestly he should've expected that you'd be able to handle it once you knew the bare minimum. After knowing him for so long and being so close to him, it was only natural that these things would seep into your own life.

The other captains think it's pretty cool that you can handle yourself, meanwhile Okita is busy thinking about the fact that he didn't realize he could find someone holding a sword attractive? His brain has stopped working now.

Nagakura notices this the most and will kind of poke him to snap him out of his stupor from watching you practice against a dummy made of straw in the back of HQ by yourself. Nagakura will kind of laugh, saying something like "Whatcha lookin' at? Must be real interesting."

[ruelin024]

*apppears in your askbox like the absolute gremlin i am* mmm a few questions heuehhuehehue fav sans? fav ship (if oyu have one, that includes self insert)? and will you ever do ditys and if so, how long do you think?

😖You've been in my inbox for 5+ days, since for some reason, as simple as the questions are, I couldn't seem to pinpoint my favorites.

Like if you asked me my favorite anime, book, etc. My head goes whoosh then my damn brain turns into a smooth mofo.

Sorry if the reply is too long, I dunno if I went off topic, I probably did?

I love a lot of things… Yes. I would make a list… but then I wouldn’t stop. If I had to settle for one Sans, it’d be OG Classic. The Origin, The Legend, The #1 Tumblr Sexyman, Sans the Skeleton. The other top fav Sans at the top of my list would be Fell, Horror, Lust, and Nightmare, and it goes on.

But to tell yah the truth I am more of a Papyrus Simp, I realize this sometimes whenever I come across any type of OG or AU Papyrus art. It’s a hard choice. My mind and body goes to Sans, but in a way my affection is with both, but mostly Papyrus. I don't know if that makes sense, it feels like two-timing. I should draw more of Papyrus, even out the simping scales. \(￣︶￣*\)

I just love drawings Sans a lot tbh. q(≧▽≦q)

In terms of ships? (I heard the topic of shipping can be complicated or an issue) ... So. Hmm. from what I've self-evaluated to myself. I don't really have a favorite... :D I think? Cause most of the time I choose to neither like nor dislike because love and hate are too strong of an emotion for me to deal with. Disliking things makes me feel tired and I can only handle so much fangirling/boying before my feral emotional levels exceed my capacity to remain conscious. With the amount of words I’ve said so far, I am proving I am a walking contradiction.

Anyway, I'm a welcome all-type of person, I'm neutral as long as no harm is being done. Meaning I am the type to also dabble in a ton of things. (゜-゜) (´◑ω◐`)

(Either I am what I say I am🤔, or I just haven't known/met the wrong people enough in my life to feel the need/want to make a whole DNI list 😅.)

The first ship I drew was y/n x sans au and I have drawn Error and Blue together for a cute ditys. I've been meaning to attempt drawing more ships, but not at the moment.

One insert ship I'm into at this time, that I can recall at the top of my head is an artist called @/mothiepixie (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ) 😆💖

Also! I actually made it to 100 followers last month! I wanted to make a dtiys on such an occasion, but someone did a wrist twist move on me and now I can't exert my fingers or wrist that much, so I'm doing doodles or working on past WIP I've already started on ever so slowly.

I haven't gotten the chance to figure out what I’d draw exactly for a dtiys. If I were to make one now, it’d be at least 2-4 months to maybe a whole year in duration, depends.

Would I make prizes? I'd probably give everyone who participated a simple drawn prize for my first DTIYS (maybe☜(ﾟヮﾟ☜)), then for the next DTIYSs I would do top 3 or 4-5 five winners. 

Welp, tis my answer you absolute gremlin, handing me the most complicated question which I indeed sure overcomplicated and being in the back of my head for the past few days. 🤣👌💕 Thank you! 😂

[justajsworkshop]

Hey, I hope you’re doing well. Do you ever feel like time’s just slipping away and it makes you anxious, like maybe you’re not doing enough or that life is moving too fast? If you’ve ever felt that, how do you deal with it? Have you found a way to calm that fear that what you’re doing might not really be making a difference?

Today, I spent more time meditating and stayed off social media, which was great at first. But by the end of the day, I got hit with this wave of anxiety out of nowhere. It was kind of scary and made me feel like all the progress I made was pointless, like I was back to square one. I eventually calmed down, but I still hate when that feeling creeps in. How do you handle it when that happens?

Anyway, I hope your journey is going well love<3 and that you’re finding peace even in those tough moments.

hiii, omg. you sound so much like me when i'm reaching out to people for support, so i'm just giving you a big nose boop and a cookie. i've got two branches of thoughts on this as (1) a person who gets anxiety and (b) someone who can add a bit of context with all the loa/consciousness stuff.

(this got egregiously long. i'm so sorry. you don't have to read the whole thing. sorry in advance for typos. )

so, lemme start with the first, and i'll say yes. i have totally felt that way before, and tbh, i think you'd have a hard time finding a person in modern society who hasn't felt that way at one time or another. sometimes it helps me to remind myself that i'm not the first person to ever feel this way before, and it kinda takes away some of the exceptionalism goggles we can get around ourselves (in the negative way, e.g., thinking we're so uniquely horrible, incompetent, unloved, etc. when we're just having a human moment.).

feelings are just sensations in the body, and thoughts are just thoughts. i'm someone with a history of anxiety/depression to the point where i've been hospitalized, and i'm not saying for sympathy; i'm way better now! dw. it's just so you know i'm not just talking about anxiety flippantly.

i've found that it's helpful for me to know when my anxiety flares up, and a lot of times, it's in the afternoon/evening when i'm done with work and the stimulation of the day kinda simmers down. i think it's also a neurodivergence thing. it helps me to know these patterns, so i can give myself grace and remember my brain is just a bit different and has different needs than most people. just because it says something is true, doesn't mean it is true. more often than not, anxiety is a straight up liar.

yes, i know i could manifest better mental health for myself, and i do affirm when i need to, but overall it's not bothersome enough to me that it's where i'm focusing on. for anyone who's reading this and wondering why i haven't done that yet.

when i can, i try to give myself a little distance between the narrative my anxiety is trying to write and how i experience it. so, trying to watch it all move through me instead of experiencing it as me, although i recognize that at some times, your eyes are glued to the mental tv so close, it's hard to distinguish between the two. and when i feel too close to it all, i'll either (a) do something to distract myself like watch a comfort movie/show, go for a walk, talk to my fandom friends about stupid shit, etc. or (b) let myself have a good cry about it all and wallow. i give myself permission to just be a sad sack for a day, and remind myself that tomorrow will be better. if i can, i find some self-satirizing in it. just trying to be as comically dramatic as possible about "woe is me!" and this helps me to bring some lightness and humor to it all, remembering that horror and comedy writing are only different because of the punchlines. i just tend to try to live life with a "laugh maniacally in the face of absurdity" mindset, and what isn't more absurd than your perceived limitations, y'know?

that's the love on your linear, human self side of things. and if that's what you gotta do, do it. we can't go off limiting god by saying that giving compassion, grace, and love to your human self means you're losing anything. you can also set the intention that you'll have a breakthrough on the other side of this, and i often do because i let go of all this tension and bullshit i've been carrying that i just don't need/identify with anymore.

ok, for part two that brings a bit more of loa and consciousness into context:

once again, yes. i've felt all of this around manifestation/shifting specifically, and the things that help me are remembering that this isn't about doing and that time isn't linear.

the quote from the magician's way that tom mentions a lot is "there's nothing to do but always action to take"—differentiating between 'doing' from an assumption that your success is dependent on specific action(s) vs. taking action because you're already assuming fulfillment. the affirmation that's really helped me with this one in particular is "what if there was nothing else to do? what if it was all already perfect?" whenever i ask that to myself, i instantly feel a massive wave of calm and release, and i just soak in that feeling. and after a couple of days of coming back to that place, i let go of so much of the instance that any "doing" was required of me to have/be everything i want.

if that one doesn't do it for you, play with the wording a bit and see if there's one that does. or set the intention that the perfect language will fall in your lap.

as for the other prong of your ask regarding time and progress, this is when i remind myself that time is not linear, and all moments exists at once simultaneously. so, i'm already in my desired end and experiencing it because i am in all realities everywhere all at once. ultimate reality consists of one moment, so you can't really make any progress when everything exists all at once; therefore, you can't lose any progress either.

i used to be obsessed with the idea of "how long" i'd been persisting because i saw persisting as a means to an end: that if i do this "long enough," i will get my desired result. but when i started understanding that persistence is the end, i was less attached to the amount of time/how consistent i had been, and i focused more on "who am i choosing to be right now?"

i also like to remind myself that time as we experience it from a linear, horizontal perspective is something we create. people go back in time. people revise their age. you could shift to a reality that doesn't even experience linear time in the way you do now. so, yeah, it might appear that time is slipping by, but appearances can be deceiving. and all appearances that you perceive with your physical sense are an act of deception claiming "this is all that is" when it's not. you are.

i also think that people confuse persistence with perfection—this notion that you have to be perfectly consist and that no wavering/contradicting can happen, etc. but at the end of the day, if you continue to come back to your desired end even after a day or a week or years of being your undesired self, you're still persisting. because you're still coming back home, and that's what the parable of the prodigal son taught us: god is always going to accept you with open arms instantly no matter now long you've spend squandering your inheritance of your I AM awareness on nonfulfillment.

you can't lose anything because that would imply nonexistence, that whatever you perceive you lost "went somewhere" and cannot be experienced, but all possibilities exists now and forevermore in the eternal now, so you literally cannot lose anything. you can create the experience and perception of loss, but that's just getting too close to the movie saying it's the only one that exists when we exist in a greater reality with unlimited scripts and possibilities.

so, to summarize, take care of your human and remember your being. that's really the very short and much more straightforward answer haha. i hope this helped, and if there's anything else i can offer, you're free to ask. :)

[nikatyler]

Zeph 1.0

Almost there…yes I closed the game so I could get the 69 hours played screenshot…almost got it! 😅

I'm such a stupid 13yo at heart

(x)

did i mention i love him

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Oof besties I think it's Moonrise time

Moonrise time over because ya girl is going to work tomorrow and it's getting late 🥲 but I so didn't want to quit the game today ugh

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Need to incorporate "let's not do anything hilarious" into my vocabulary because it's the biggest realest mood

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no way he approved lmao

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oh... OH

(x)

forevermore? as in you and me forevermore? don't read the last page but i stay when it's hard or it's wrong or we're making mistakes omg a taylor swift reference!! 🤭🤭

(x)

Zeph is looking so good in their new armor 😩

(x)

Oh I'm gonna be reloading this fight a million times huh

(x)

THIS WAS SO INTENSE WTF

Dude never thought I'd say this but Shadowheart carried this battle. I'm going to bed in game and irl because two intense battles back to back are too much for my anxiety 😭

This game is gonna wreck me isn't it

(x)

So in the battle I had yesterday, Jaheira was killed, but I thought, well, it would be a shame to leave her stuff behind and she doesn't need it anymore, might as well take it…now I loaded the game again and notice she's there in just her underwear 😭 I'm sorry 😭😭

Yes I loot everyone and everything shamelessly, I learned from the best 🤭

(x)

hole hehe

hole not hehe this is disgusting jfc

(x)

"I could fix him" "I could make him worse" well I personally hope that *he* will make *me* worse

(x)

We're not gonna talk about this party kill Nailed it! Took me three tries though 😂

(x)

THIS GODDAMN PUZZLE I SWEAR TO GOD

(x)

Big brain time

The f u c k?

(x)

well i may have a few ideas how to use this one 🫢

(x)

Well. I think I'll be starting act 3 tomorrow? 😬

(I'm excited but also nervous. Oh man this is exactly why I've never played this kind of games before 😂)

(x)

I think I fucked up…I was going to do the crèche and the mountain pass stuff later but I can't anymore, I completely skipped it 😭 without too many spoilers, are there going to be bad consequences maybe?

I could pull up an older save but I've done so many other things already…I'm not sure if I want to replay them at the moment 🥲 Think I might just have to leave it for my second playthrough but it sucks that I completely skipped such a big part

And I know at some point it told me some things wouldn't be available if I continue but I didn't think it would be this 😭 I need clearer instructions y'all, I'm a dummy

This is ridiculous but I'm about to cry bc I missed such a huge part, I think I might go back to an older save and just redo everything idk 🥲 idk what to do 😭 overthinking this too much

(x)

"magnificent bastard" is a wonderful gender tbh

(x)

dude i'm not some fucking pokémon 💀

(x)

oh god i love him 💀 is he wrong though?

(x)

she's serving too much cnt to handle i'm afraid

(x)

A fellow clown hater! 🤩

(x)

ohhh i was looking forward to this line 😂

omg Zeph really went "so aren't you worried about that old master of yours? yeah? anyway wanna smash tonight?"

KJLFGKSJFGKLJL BRO??????? the fuck did i do to you

hello ?????????? ????? ??????? ???????? ??????? no genuinely i don't know what i did/did not do 💀 idgaf I'm handing his ass to Cazador

me and Zeph both rn

(x)

delivery not guaranteed? that's so Česká pošta coded

(x)

bears in the closet you say? what was halsin doing in your closet? 🫢

(x)

not me actually accidentally making Zeph jump off of a very tall something

and right after the second short rest and the idiot took so much damage 💀

(x)

Oh we're playing Among Us now, how fun!

(x)

I fear this will be another full night of playing...not a good idea considering we're going on a family trip tomorrow but eh whatever

(x)

We did it again besties, let's hope I'll get my sleep schedule back on track before I return to work 😂

But it was definitely worth it, I had so much fun playing today. Aside from essentially being dumped but I'm gonna clown and hope all will be well (no spoilers pls)…I promise I will be normal and not actually irl cry about it 🫢😂

Gotta love that rejection hypersensitivity that kicks in no matter what 🤩 real person, fictional, who cares, it hurts 🤩 (no really I'm okay, I'm exaggerating, you know me)

(x)

Next time I go "hehehe I won't sleep tonight, it's gaming time", stop me please. I'm not built for this

And daylight savings are kicking in today? fk me rip my sleep schedule

(x)

hehe god i wish

(x)

oop

(x)

I'm getting overwhelmed with all the quests jfc 😭 can we just skip to the part where I romance the vampire again

I also (and this is me overthinking again) can't help but feel like I'm playing the game wrong and that I'm ruining everything as I go and we will not reach a nice ending 💀

(x)

WHY IS HE NOT WEARING MUCH KDAFJLAJKDFLKJ WHAT'S GOING ON I HATE THIS

What the actual f u c k was that

(x)

[softhairedhotch]

HAHSHAHAHA i must say great minds think (and type) alike ‼️‼️‼️‼️ literally when i first found ur blog i was like my god someone who literally has the same big brain as me?!?!?? (except, you have A Much Bigger Brain because YOUR WRITING????? im absolutely in Love AHHHHH thank u for filling the void in me like literally not just the smut like THE FLUFF?!?!? please i just want to cup his face and kiss him so gently n obviously not just that like i just feel So Seen as a gay guy who's just so down bad for him)

anyway thank u for putting the image of him straddling and fucking my face bc it will now be stuck in my head for a good while 👍 also in other filthy thoughts personally i think that man is downright disgusting . like yeah he typically is a very hygienic and # clean man but when it comes to sex... boy does he like to make a MESS . personally i think he'd more often like to not waste his cum and have stuff it deep inside your holes BUT.... i think he'd also go absolutely feral at the thought and sight of marking you. WOOFFFFFFFFFFF 😵‍💫😵‍💫

also he seems like a guy who would make so much noise . like other than his little words of affection and phrases, he definitely makes all the noises out there possible- gasps, grunts, moans, whimpers, whines. there are TOO many times where i'm watching/listening to porn and then im like ... Hold On... that sounds just like how aaron would sound or what he'd actually say.... and then i'm suddenly on my knees, a whole mess n wishing he was real.

anyway he's just so . this man occupies too much space in my thoughts. FML im sorry this ask got SO out of hand idk when did it become 827482 words long... n speaking of hands, maybe that would be the most apt emoji for me 🤲 (aka me praying to be aaron's boyfriend... or me just handling his heavy balls tbh)

FRRRR ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ and awwwwww thank you sm!! i'm so glad you've enjoyed my writing <33 ive got a few more things in the works so i hope you enjoy them too! and YES i am soooo so glad that i can help you feel seen <3 i gottttaaaa write more male reader fics bc it's deserved fr hehe

i mean im writing a few male oc things where they get with aaron so i hope that also interests you!! but yeah hopefully more male reader fics to come!! also if you have any requests (🤭) feel free to ask and i'll try to get around to it 💪

also you're welcoooomeee 🤭🤭 and GOD YESSSSS he does not waste it!! i firmly believe that one of his favourite things is cumming down your throat and when it leaks outta your mouth he swipes it up with his thumb before pushing it inside your mouth <3 once he's cleaned you up he'll kiss you to taste himself 🤭 orrrrrr if he's coming inside you he makes sure to push it back inside before licking it all up ‼️ but if you're not one for cum eating then he'd just make sure to fill you with his cum to make you his own 🥰

and you've just made me think of the fact that he definitely loves to mark you up!! he loves being marked up too but sometimes he's against it because of work (but he can't resist it if you start kissing across his jaw n neck n collarbone 😏) so the next Best Thing is making the most of doing it to YOU!!! he'd leave pretty bruises across your skin n chest n tummy n thighs and he'd be soooo proud of himself for it 🤭🤭 he loves seeing the marks he's left on you whenever he can, especially when it's in a softer moment like you're cuddling on the couch and your shirt rises up and he sees faint teeth marks or a lil mark <3 it just makes him feel so satisfied

and YESSS that man is SUCH A MOANER. he makes allll the prettiest noises and he tries to hide them but he can't with you!! bc you make him feel soooo good and bc you beg him to let all his cute whines and whimpers and moans out :3 also that comment about watching porn and being like "... aaron would say/do that" is SOOOO REAL (which is why i started reblogging all those gifs n pics lol, i NEED to have a visual for the shit i think up of this man bc i need him So Bad and it's important for my mental health) (it's not but he's a cutie patootie so it counts) (i just love him okay)

and NO DONT APOLOGISE i loooooove long asks and i hope you send more in the future!! especially out of hand ones hehe bc you just GET IT!!! YOU GET IT!!!! YOU GET HIM AND YOU UNDERSTAND AND GODDDDD i need to talk about aaron with you ALWAYS your brain is sooo big!!!! and you're so fucking funny HELPP THE EMOJI 😭😭😭 THAT IS SO GOOD LMFAOO YOU BETTER HOLD HIS HUGE HEAVY MEATY BAWLS okay you're now 🤲 anon <3 nice to meet you!!! thank you sm fr these asks hehe you've made my day

[plural-affirmations]

(you can totally leave this til whenever you have time honestly I need to get it out of my head as much as get feedback tbh)

Am I a bad person for breaking up with the old hosts boyfriend?

So. When we discovered the system, before I split, old host (we'll call them M) had a polycule of three people, a boyfriend (A) and a agender partner (K). When M felt ready they explained everything to A and K and let a few headmates introduce themselves. K was really nice and understanding, it didn't quite get the entire concept of plurality or fictives (which we have plenty of) but it was friendly and it's been great about asking questions to understand us better and even now still reads resources we send it for stuff it doesn't quite get.

A, uh.. Immediately started cracking jokes about our fictives. He was calling Shoto "knock off Zuko" and telling him to 'roast marshmallows for him', and threatening to send.. Italian mobsters.. After Hitoshi? Because 'Hitoshi is what Mario does to make Yoshi stick his tongue out'? M and Keith, our gatekeeper, both told him to knock it off, and he wasn't as outwardly bad for a while, but still didn't really interact with anyone else much.

Fast forward a bit and M went dormant, I became the new host. K was confused but understanding, it never made me feel bad for being here when M wasn't, and it still to this day talks to us plenty. (M is back but isn't allowed to front at home for reasons, we schedule dates sometimes where it can spend some time with them outside now) But A kind of just. Started acting really weird.

I don't remember a lot of the details here so sorry if it gets fuzzy.

I am an alterhuman in headspace, I was me one day and the next I woke up with cat ears and a tail. Still not sure how that happened but I've embraced it. A started making.. Not entirely safe for work jokes about it. That made me uncomfortable but he never really apologized? He also called me "the cat" like, in a very distant dehumanizing way?

He also uh. Blatantly misgendered someone, repeatedly, and then never apologized because 'his profile picture makes him look like a girl'.

I know there was more but it's all hazy. Eventually Keith sent him a long message that he had to start taking this stuff seriously and that he was treating us like a goofy game and not someone dealing with a lot of trauma that was struggling to hold everything together, told him he had to do some research and learn the ugly side of our disorder and stop acting like we're playing pretend. K directly offered to answer questions and help him figure it out better during the same conversation. But he basically ghosted us for a month after that, never said anything, never reacted when we tried to talk to him, just totally shut us out, so finally I messaged him like, "look I'm sorry but this is too much, I can't handle you in our life right now, I know I'm not M and maybe only they can dump you but as far as I'm concerned I don't want you around" and kicked him from our server/blocked him a few places. That was a few months ago and apparently he ghosted K at the same time, even though they were also dating and we never asked K to pick sides or stop seeing him?

Literally everyone I've talked to about this says I did the right thing and that it's his own fault for not being a safe person for us and not wanting to learn, and even typing it all out, I know I'm better off with him gone, but I can't shake feeling guilty. I didn't really choose to be host, the brain just kind of shoved me forward when M left and I had to roll with it, but I can't stop this feeling like everything I'm doing is destroying M's life and making everyone else miserable. I also had to cut off a friend that flat out fakeclaimed us, even though they'd been friends for years.

Idk I just feel like I'm a placeholder and eventually M is gonna want their body back and I'm gonna have completely torpedoed everything about their life.

(This is going to get long, apologies in advance.)

Hey, it's Solo typing right now. I was host for the first half of the year, and I had some really similar feelings about messing up Nix's life too. But I'll get to that in a minute.

Short answer: no, you're not a bad person for breaking up with him, he sounds like a complete asshole.

Long answer: you deserve to have someone in your life that'll treat you better than that, especially for (I'm assuming from context clues, sorry if I'm wrong) having traumagenic and/or disordered plurality that you quite literally cannot control. The jokes he made were extremely far out of line, and also super disrespectful, in my opinion.

That's not even touching on the fact that he was told at least once to quit, and decided to?? Fucking ghost you??? Nah, I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him. I'm really sorry if that comes across as rude. It's just, I hate seeing people like you being mistreated just for being a system. It's rife with ableism, it's hurtful to you, it's just... unacceptable. And he probably knew damn well what he was doing, because people who are actually decent wouldn't have left you in the dust as soon as they were called out for being awful.

Now, as far as the being afraid part... I relate really, really strongly to that. That's why I chose to come out and answer this ask, actually. Because, I wanted to tell you... you're not doing anything wrong.

I'll spare you the time and unnecessary details, but TL;DR is that Nix desperately needed a break for about a solid 6 months. So, I split, and I was immediately thrown into the driver's seat.

The entire time, I felt exactly the way you do. "What if he comes back and hates all the things I've done?". That sorta thing. But, it turns out, when he came back... all the changes I had made were for the better. I cut toxic people out, I went to therapy, etcetera. So, despite my fears, he was actually really, really appreciative and happy about it.

I can't guarantee things will be exactly the same way for you guys, but I do want to say that -- at least from where I'm sitting -- you're making changes for the better, too. Even if M comes back and doesn't necessarily agree with everything you've done, I don't think anyone can fault you for genuinely trying your best with what you were given, considering the circumstances.

Basically... give yourself some credit. It's going to be ok, and everything is going to work out eventually. That much I can promise.

Sorry this got so unbelievably lengthy, I tried to cut down on it, but I had a lot of thoughts. Please feel free to come back if you have absolutely anything else you want to add! You're always welcome here. ❤️

🖤💜💙💚💛

[hismercytomyjustice]

Ayyy, I’m back on my bullshit with my BG3 fic! Just about to hit 86k words. Good god.

Still struggling to comprehend that. And still have about two chapters to go. Eh, maybe 1.5. I’m thinking it’ll end around 95k. Maybe 100k. (・ω・｀)………..

Those numbers sound wildly fake. Especially how up until this fic, I’d never written anything longer than maybe 55k.

I can’t believe I’m finally reaching the end. Just a month or two ago, I was convinced I might never finish it with how bad my analysis paralysis was.

The whole reason I even started posting it was because my therapist suggested it as a way to help me out of the OCD spiral it was sending me into. I had fully intended not to post any of it until it was completely finished because I was terrified I’d never finish it.

…def don’t have unfinished shit haunting me decades later from ff.net…

Somehow my most popular fic on there was an InuYasha one from my MAJOR InuYasha brain rot days. God, Sesshomaru lived rent free in my head for fucking YEARS.

I am so fucking distraught with how they decided to handle his character arc. There is SO MUCH Sesshomaru merch out there this day and age. I would have lost my fucking mind as a teen if it had been available then. But I just can’t enjoy it now.

Like, no shade to those who are happy with how he wound up with Rin. I’m just not one of them. I just personally feel like it was a missed opportunity for both of their character arcs and also imho…he was pretty much her dad, so it just doesn’t sit right with me. Especially with how young she was when he took her in…

Would’ve loved to see her wind up with Kohaku like it felt they were going to. I also really loved Sesshomaru and Kagura together too (minus the whole uh…her no longer being around thing).

God my life fucking revolved around that show for literal years. Pretty much all of high school. Maybe some of middle school? I don’t remember 100% when I started watching it.

Idk if it was a special interest or a hyperfocus or what. It doesn’t happen to me often (despite what it might seem like on here). POTO hit me around the same time (when I was 16) and then there was a gap until Pacific Rim with a brief Transformers interlude in between.

The fact it’s happened again recently with BG3, Hazbin, and borderline IWTV is fucking wild to me. Like oh yeah, I get obsessed with shit but there’s obsessed and then there is Obsessed™. It might not look that different from an outside perspective, but good god it is BAD on the inside.

I fucking LOVE IWTV but I’m not hunting down every single microscopic bit of lore I can find for it.

Hazbin and BG3 tho? Good fucking god. I am desperate to consume anything I can fucking find. I am watching interviews, reading veritable dissertations on them, I am thinking about them non-fucking-stop.

You can gauge my true level of derangement by:

1. Have I written fanfic about it?

2. How much fanfic have I written about it?

IWTV is an A Tier obsession for me. BG3 and Hazbin? That shit is S Tier.

Not that I write fanfic for everything S Tier, case in point Stardew Valley, but yeah…there’s a fucking reason I have fucking 7 Pacific Rim fanfics under my belt.

And right now I’ve got a multi-chapter Hazbin crack fic cooking on the side that’s already about to hit 9k words. It is wildly self-indulgent but damn if I’m not enjoying every fucking second of it.

Maybe one day I’ll get back to the modern day Phantom AU I started back at the end of January. It’s got 5k on it. My only real concern with it tho is I worry about drifting too close to Binary, my fave POTO fanfic of all time. And, tbh, a solid contender for my fave fic of all time in general. The number of times I have read that masterpiece.

Fuck. Cannot recommend it enough if you’re a POTO fan. It is a goddamn work of art.

But yeah, being so close to finishing this BG3 fic is such a weird feeling. It kind of makes me want to peel my skin off and flee into the woods? But I think it’ll also be really fucking good for me. And I can’t believe I’m about to do it. It’s fucking terrifying lol. My OCD is NOT HAPPY.

I can take “comfort” in the fact I still have 9 weeks of editing ahead of me tho I guess? (ಥ﹏ಥ) Maybe that’ll shut my goddamn fucking OCD up with its chants of “you never finish anything, you’ll never finish this, best to give up now, easier to give it up than fight through until the end, you should give it up before everyone comes to their senses and realize it’s awful” blah blah blah.

OCD is the fucking WORST.

Weirdly I also have piano to thank for my ability to write again? Because the hardcore fucking OCD spirals that shit was sending me on was what made me realize I constantly have OCD spirals running in the background. It’s making them a fuck of a lot easier to see earlier on too. And that was like…Category 2/3 OCD for me lol. Writing was probably Category 4/5 until recently. There’s other shit that’s solidly a Cat 5 but I don’t ever intend to talk about it on here. That’s what I have my therapist for! Yay, therapy!

It is truly fucking wild seeing an OCD specialist though who is just like “oh, your big scary brain is not as big and scary as it wants you to think.” Like that was one of the biggest “holy shit” moments I had when she was walking me through the stages of OCD spirals and I was just like…I never saw the pattern before. But there it was. Spelled out in black and white on a little fucking worksheet.

Fucking insane.

Tumblr has helped me so fucking much too by making it easy for me journal about it all regularly. I don’t always post what I journal, but it helps me see the forest for the trees regardless. And by forcing myself to “share” shit, I’m chipping away at the part of my OCD that fucking thrives on avoidance and self-consciousness about this shit. Because you’re not supposed to avoid OCD thoughts. That just makes ultimately them worse. So I share them on here knowing there’s like a 1% anyone will ever read any of this, but it’s enough to take away some of the fear/shame/avoidance that would otherwise add fuel to the fire so.

┐(￣ ヘ￣)┌

It’s all not as big and bad and scary and awful as my OCD makes it out to be in the confines of my noggin. It’s fucking hard sometimes, sharing some of this stuff because it’s embarrassing and awful and stupid. There’s nothing logical about OCD thoughts and knowing that makes it even fucking worse.

Like… I know the entirety of the internet isn’t going to just show up one day and tell me my writing is shit and I should quit. Logically. My OCD, however… It makes a lot of compelling arguments to my little lizard brain that are a lot harder to ignore.

Like how I almost didn’t sign up for piano classes at all because my OCD told me I’d never practice and I’d be wasting the teacher’s time and if I then quit I was frivolously playing with part of their livelihood and therefore a terrible fucking person. Would I say that to someone else? Absolutely not. That’s all absurd. Did I spend weeks agonizing over it in my noggin? Abso-fuckin’-lutely I did. And it didn’t even occur to me it was batshit until I finally brought it up to my husband and realized “wait one goddamn second, this is an OCD spiral, isn’t it?”

Lololol. The “joys” of mental illness! But hey, at least the therapy seems to be working. One step at a time baybeee!

[hausofmamadas]

TO THE SMASH N GRAB CREW | RIP to the homies and this Cece x Kenny meet cute

⁂

Pairing: Cecelia “Cece” Garza x Kenny and The Smash-And-Grab Crew gif dump

For @narcosfandomdiscord NarcOctober - Day 16

Prompt: Day of Surprises - create a fanwork that focuses on dreams, literal or metaphorical

Okay so, you guys, I have no idea if this even works for the prompt dreams, bc it’s not really a dream one of the characters is having but rather, a dream of mine, and specifically a dream of whatever this was or could’ve been???? That we were categorically deprived of thanks to the Narcos’ writers’ tendency to just drop narrative grenades lil hints of things and then never pick them back up again.

So idk if yall remember that one time Operation Leyenda actually didn’t entirely fuck some shit up but there was One Time n I’m lowkey convinced it was thanks to the involvement of some estrogen no one will convince me that GOAT Secretary Susie wasn’t the strength of Jaime and Kiki’s operation, mmkay in the form of this baddie, named Cece aka Danilo’s way-too-foxy cousin.

What exactly did this bonafide mothafucking G short for goddess do that made the mission so successful? Idk, maybe just being the sassiest, most could-not-be-fucking-bothered, beyond not-having-any-of-your-shit to political scumbag and all around general skidmark, Ruben Zuno Árce okay we don’t even have time to get into how legitimately want to light this man on fire whilst painting��🏽her💅🏽fucking💅🏽nails💅🏽 I MEANSJSHWH it truly doesn’t get better than this

I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE SATISFIED WATCHING TBIS FUCKINFSKWJHW W SHOW except that one time Barrón broke my brain by spending the whole time being some random and then very sudddnly stealing the whole gotdamn show out of nowhere in ten mins but shhhhhhsjshshs we’re not talking about that right now like they fucking did it. They got this bitch on US soil, homie was shitting in his skivvies right there on the runway also ngl I’m convinced that Walt dressing respectably in that torturously sexy red shirt was another crucial key to the success of this plan but it was mostly Cece

Okay okay okay so then after the plan goes down like gang busters, they all meet up for lunch and we get this random little exchange between enemies-to-lovers Danilo and Kenny before Kenny cried weeweewee all the way back home to the US bc he could not handle big swinging dick Calderoni and like tbh, fair where Danilo makes a point to introduce Kenny to his cousin, The Real MVP Cece, who, like the rest of the women on this show is infuriatingly hot and stunning bc they cannot for just one moment pipe down with that shit

Almost as though he’s like been, on the low, talking to Cece about Kenny and promised to introduce them as like!???????? A blind date or somethinggghdhe like some kind of setup!??????

And it’s not like Danilo does this and Kenny’s like uhhhhhh, ‘scuse me, tf? Kenny’s literally justlikesjejsjwjsusuebehsh like, okay check this shit, look at Kenny’s fucjinfjdjsd face in that gif, like if he were wearing a suit or a tux, mans would be straightening his little bow tie, all checking himself in the mirror, picking at his teeth, breathing into the palm of his hand, asking bestie Daryl, heygorl, be honest, does this silk cravat make my neck look fat? To which Daryl is like, sorry, what the actual fuck is a silk cravat? Also idk when this became Victorian England where ppl wear silk cravats and it kinda seems like it’s setting that shit up to go somewhere except all we get is what?

A BIG. FAT. NOTHING. BURGERRRRRJDJDJHE

We literally NEVER FUCKING SEE Cece again and Kenny cries weeweewee all the way home in like the next episode, and the rest of the team gets mowed down on another airport tarmac, except sweet bby angels Sal

And Daryl and Walt but as much as I love him, he’s far too much of a glutton for punishment to be considered a sweet bby angel

I mean if blue balls existed, this show would be The Fucking King Kahuna of Blue Ballers. Why??????? I MEAN LOOK AT TBJS WOMANNNNNNNNNN OKAY????????

And as if we weren’t suffering from our blue balls enough already, the show literally pushes us to the ground and pummels us in the metaphorical dick with titanium baseball bats yes more than one by giving us this👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽one and only moment of joy, this👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽 👇🏽 one single, solitary victory

…….

…………….

………………………..

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand then they went ahead and straight-up just Game-of-Thrones-Red-Wedding massacred like seventy five percent of the motherfucking cast by like episode 9

Coolcoolcoolcoolcoolcoolcoolcoolcoolcoool. Fine.

═

For the giiiiiiiifs: @narcosfandomdiscord @ashlingnarcos @drabbles-mc @narcolini @artemiseamoon

[shmowder]

SO I was about to say that we never spoke on your BG3 blog, but I actually found one question by me, asking if you were playing the original Pathologic or P2 😂 By the time I found that blog you'd already pretty much moved on to this one (which is fine!). But I rb'd a couple fics to my sideblog. Certainly never imagined myself reading about a giant half-spider woman but here we are ♡ The thing about Minthara is that I adore her but I don't know anything about the rest of the game and it's too expensive for me to commit to right now - and I'm always hearing about her romance being bugged anyway.

Yuria <333 And Sister Friede but more importantly, Yuria! I love that you love her too! I confess that I never got past the Abyss Watchers but tbh I'm amazed I got that far. And at least my Ashen One got to meet Yuria (and heard her best line "And I, of course, am also thine" hehe). Good for you for getting through it! Bloodborne is the one Fromsoft game I've beaten and it was rough getting used to the Dark Souls combat, so I watched a walkthrough of the rest. And I've also watched a ~90 hour walkthrough of Elden Ring, which did put me to sleep occasionally lmao but I just don't have the willpower to play huge open world games anymore.

I almost finished a NG+ playthrough of Bloodborne recently, until I started the DLC and promptly got my ass handed to me and I was like hmmmm actually now is the perfect time to start a new SDV farm 🤔

But, I'm taking a little break because I've indeed started Patho 2 again!! It's the beginning of day 5, I'm using super easy settings again and I found my old notes of where the Dead Item Shop is every day and which items to save for upgrades etc. Despite that, I seem to be missing more than ever. I may have focused a little too much on trading and collecting herbs and caches. Forgot the bell rang on Day 3 and didn't gather the Apple Basket Gang rip :( (I noticed that Lara and Artemy both have dialogue about not being 30 yet, so there's that question out of the way) But on the bright side I have more eggs than I could ever need (maybe…) and I'm on my 3rd inventory upgrade.

Haha, based on that anecdote I'd say you know more Russian than I do. I know a lot of people listen to other things when playing games but I've never tried that except when hatching Pokemon eggs. I love hearing the in-game sounds and music. Victor and Yulia have the same theme playing in their houses!

Yes of course we can be friends! Requesting from writing blogs is what originally got me interacting with others, so, kind of like you, just the other way around 😅 Then I discovered it can be nice just to talk sometimes. It seems like you're having a good time on this blog! Chill is good. Part of me is still flabbergasted that there's a Pathologic x reader blog that exists and it's run by a great writer who obviously has so much love for the characters which is a huge plus <3 But I like the memes too :) I can't speak for other anons, but I always check my entire dash until I'm completely caught up.

Moving on… WHEN I TRANSLATED THE TITLE OF THE VICTOR X READER FIC!! Hooo boy, I'm a simple girl and the "You're good, my little dove, you're good. Despite it all, you're good" quote is one of my favorites. It's like you read my mind with the description - SOFT, TENDER, and UNSTABLE? Three of my favorite things 😇

So!! I am the human embodiment of this emoji while reading 🤭🤭🤭 Honestly so galaxy brained of you make it into a fic, I could never be upset about that. There's such an atmosphere to this from the very beginning, I don't know how to describe it but I want to bite it. Playing house with slightly off vibes, "Like handling a stray cat" OUGH. (I agree that'd he'd want to play at domesticity.) The way he notices everything, his solicitousness. Reader as sacrificial lamb imagery. "He takes and takes like you're the cure for his morose soul."

The immortality vs mortality thing! That's when I really got why this works so well as a fic instead of hcs. I love that it feels like a character study as much as a smut fic (and ofc I appreciate all the little details about time). TOP TIER SMUT ALSO. His endless patience while also being in emotional/spiritual/physical agony, him praising the reader's patience, he does seem like the type to draw it out a while - "He'll hide you from the world and everything dangerous outside" 😳

And the end!! What a beautiful, brilliant mind, what a sensitive fragile heart, what a lovely soul. My goodness. Just - [keysmash] [disintegrates]

That was AMAZING and you should be proud. Thank you for taking my request and running with it <333

If my overzealous reaction to the froggy chair birthday pic never made it through, thank you for that too! It's delightful.

Happy birthday!! 🧁���� I hope you enjoy the day.

🐿️ anon

You remembered my birthday! I love you!

God I was refreshing my notes waiting for your reaction over the fic. I'm so happy you liked it <33 Especially how you qouted your favourite lines and your reaction to them, that's literally the highest of praise I could receive. You understand the underlying themes, the whole playing house but something seems off, Victor's inner fits of monologue occasionally completely going off-rails and showing how lost in his head he tends to get. How his brain switches focus between topics constantly before snapping back to reality and vice versa.

Conflicted in everything. At times, he appears as if he's pleading with you, below you as loyal as a guard dog. At others he appears above you, pulling your strings with sheer authority and nothing else.

The whole turmoil of deciding to let Reader die a natural death, to be selfish and never allow them into the Kains grand scheme of immortality, to know you'll only exist by his side before your soul is lost to the cosmos forever.

I avoided bringing Nina by name but her presence is heavy in each line of the story. How much he would let you hurt him and others as much as you want like she used to do, how he lets your sins slide and sweeps your wrongs under the rug. How he clings to your mortality because part of his resents humanity for taking his wife away, for stealing his own life and future away.

The whole wings and feather symbolism. Immortality is the wings the Kains are sewing together one thread at a time, each feather plucked being a brilliant person's soul. That eventually, maybe they too will ascend past the larva stage and be able to live freely with no fear of death much like Icarus flew above the seas without regards to his father's words. They're flying straight into the sun and they mistake its blazing fire for the heavens above.

His little dove petname fitting perfectly with the Icarus symbolism, with you being a beautiful bird he wants to keep caged in the mortal real out of selfishness, out of the desire to finally call someone his own. All his life he has give for the future of humanity, both his wife and two kids turned into chess pieces to be sacrificed in times of need.

And that's fine that's okay. He can handle it. His family may belong to the future, they may belong to mankind and the utopia they're slowly shaping. He is strong and pragmatic, he can more than understand why heavy costs and live with the consequences. He will carry that burden of guilt indefinitely.

But you, oh you.... He won't allow it. You have to slip away from their clutches, from his own sharp claws. You won't belong to the future, you will belong to the present forever with him, forever to him.

I enjoyed writing it so much. I started as Headcanons but the words piled up and the sentences started weaving themselves on their own. It was so beautiful, I didn't have the heart to trim the growth and force it back into the headcanons mould, so i let it blossom into a full story even if it meant more work.

Headcanons are usually effortless, stories are not. I had several open tabs by the end of writing it searching for various idoms, symbolism and word synonyms. Looking through Victor's qoute then remembering the latin endearment term for dove.

I really wanted to paint the picture of how he makes loving you a form of self-flagellation, but I had to keep the message subtle so it shows how well he hides it. How on the surface you can easily mistake his infatuation for any adoring partner, but deep down he's completely unstable behind the calculated hardened face. I'd argue that he was as crazy as Nina if not even more. He just happened to be better at hiding it. It was an elaborate plan for him to play the role of the reliable soft-hearted self-sacrificing leader to win people's favour, to paint the Kains in an angelic light so their women may be as cruel as their hearts desire.

Again, thank you for leaving such a sweet message afterwards. People rarely do, you get accustomed to fulfilling requests then throwing your writing into the ocean after posting it. The reblogs and likes are good and all but I just want to hear another human's words at times you know? Another soul's opinion, something that proves that this exists and was read by an actual person rather than a number counter going up.

Although oh my god you read THAT Minthara fic?? A beautiful webbing?? IT'S ONE OF MY MOST PROUD WORKS! One of my most ambitious too! The descriptive scenery in that fic took a lifetime out of me, so much blood and tears poured onto the layout of the garden, of the sussur tree and blood rose. Writing it felt like my magnum opus at the time, although now I'd say Lingum Vitea holds the spot for the amount of Latin I had to research for that Burakhovsky fic.

I'm so glad you liked that fic! They're my favourite children <333 I like the rest too but sometimes I write things purely out of passion and they shine brighter than the rest in my eyes.

You've already started your P2 playthrough hell yeah! I hope it goes well and it's fun! I actually missed the apple basket gang meeting too in my playthrough- I thought it was scripted to be missed because it directly coincident with the Bachelor calling people to town hall and proclaiming quarantine so I thought oh, it must be cancelled duh! I didn't realise you could still walk to it ah-

You can never have too much eggs, trust me.

Being a trader hoarder is good! you'll eventually learn which people overpay for which items and look out for them. Usually trading is rng depent on which npc you meet on the road to your current mission because straying from the path means losing precious time.

Good for beating bloodborne and going on ng+! Hell yeah! I've never played it but it seems hard bc of the parries and no shield. I miss my shield in ds3 :( During the end of the game, my brother was watching me play and he tricked me into going to the end boss unprepared. He claimed it was just another npc for a quest and I didn't know it was the end boss bc I didn't watch anything about dark souls before playing it- I just walked to the soul of cinder all like "omfg hiii bestiee :3 " then got stabbed.

BUT I FUCKING BEAT HIM IN ONE TRY! EVEN WHEN I WAS TRICKED AND ALMOST DIED. I managed to clutch with my trustyyyy shieellldd.

But also I died to that weird balls tree 90+

I am not exaggerating, I genuinely couldn't handle that lame mini boss tree. I killee the abyss watchers in two tries and the soul of cinder in one but a fucking tree is responsible for 70% of my deaths through all of the game.

I'm celebrating my birthday today. it's not going well but at least I have a lot of cake and will buy myself flowers in an hour after the shops open. I got cheesecake! I love cheesecake! I think Yulia would like cheesecake or is she more of a dark chocolate person? I still have your request for her nsfw hc so don't worry it wasn't swallowed by tumblr.

Honestly I can't believe I'm the only pathologic x reader blog- Seems almost blasphemous tbh. I hope more pop up in the future, this fandom is surprisingly chill and nice. Especially for such a hardcore game.

I hope your day is amazing <3

Oh and I did receive your froggy chair submission! I just wasn't sure whether to reply to it publicly or not in case you wanted to stay anonymous to others on this blog. I'm glad you liked the meme I threw together and my other memes on this blog hehe. I like making them, it's like visual storytelling.