#maybe this is why people always tell me im terrible with money?

[nickbutnodick]

btw im getting a genloss jacket so im actually way cooler than you

[wvyld]

tgcf; Hua Cheng finds Fangxin Guoshi!Xie Lian before the massacre happens AU

it's been two, three years since the kidnapping attempt? Xie Lian's position in court is, ah, stable? his reputation as a mysterious and wise immortal master cultivator guy has settled, at least — who would have thought hiring that one very random street preformer to be Guoshi would work out so well!

someone paints a picture of the sword Fangxin Guoshi carries. Hua Cheng sees it and thinks; oh

if dianxia wants to raise the Yong'an crown prince, then dianxia is going to raise the Yong'an crown prince, no interruptions

Hua Cheng joins the Yong'an court by the way of money, forms a spy network through similar means, and becomes the good friend of Fangxin Guoshi because he really, really wants to and Xie Lian is very, very lonely

they spar a lot! it's very impressive. Lang Qianqiu finds it very cool

the entire court gossips about them. Xie Lian pretends not to know

Xie Lian finds out Hua Cheng is a ghost from Xianle which serves as a temporary explanation for what, exactly, is a ghost king doing hanging out in Yong'an.

they have a date in Ghost City — it ends with a scene with Xie Lian taking off his Fangxin Guoshi mask & Hua Cheng showing him his true form

Hua Cheng is like. Lang Qianqiu's uncle. he warms up to the kid, like, eventually, a little — he's not saying he likes him —

they have a Qi Rong fieldtrip! fun is not the way to describe it

Lang Qianqiu ascends

VERSION 1.

Lang Qianqiu ascends alone and, later, has a very awkward conversation with his Guoshi about maybe choosing his master (and uncle Hua Cheng) as a Middle Court officials...? Guoshi? uh. why not?

XL: yeah so im a banished god. twice banished. for reasons! don't worry about it

HC: it might be possibly more awkard if you make me a Middle Court official

VERSION 2.

the three of them ascend together — the event is very destructive! Heaven ah. breaks? a little! but there's three of them, so that's. that's an explanation. for that.

it's a such lovely story — the crown prince of Yong'an, has ascended together with his two mentors after defeating the Green Ghost Qi Rong!

Xie Lian does not take off the mask. he just. doesn't! he means to, he thinks about it, he intends to do it, but enough time passes that it becomes awkward — Feng Xin and Mu Qing have introduced themselves to him! it would be just weird at this point...

Hua Cheng supports this wholly. Feng Xin and Mu Qing have no idea why this one guy in red hates them — well, there is that one guy in red who hates them, but there's no way in hell he ascended to Heaven!

Jun Wu does not know who Hua Cheng is. Xie Lian doesn't tell him. it's funnier this way

Jun Wu realizes who Xie Lian is imidateley. he and Xie Lian have a conversation in which he agrees to allow for Xie Lian's stay in Heaven to remain anonymous — though he is a little preoccupied with stopping Heaven from falling down to really have time for plotting

a great opportunity for fun logistics-of-how-was-heaven-made-actually worldbuilding!

He Xuan does know who, exactly, has ascended (again) and struggles not to laugh. he is one of the very few people well-informed enough to know how fucking hilarous this is

there are now three Calamities is Heaven

Lang Qianqiu is just happy his two mentors have ascended with him, really! very happy. Heaven seems to have been a little. uh. damaged. he'd hate to need to deal with it on his own!

the golden palace of lies collapses in some hilarous way as our heroes try to stop Heaven from falling down due to structual damage. Jun Wu's reveal speedrun

VERSION 3.

the three of them ascend together, but but it's known who Xie Lian & Hua Cheng are

divergence happens during the Qi Rong thing — Lang Qianqiu finds out about the stuff because Qi Rong figures it out

there's a whole scene — Xie Lian takes of his mask, all; yeah I'm the crown prince of Xianle, don't listen to my idiot cousin he's just terrible, he's always, been terrible, your life isn't a lie — there are just shitty people in the world, sometimes, and, look, we stopped the tragedy, didn't we? — because in this AU they did; Hua Cheng has spies, the plot is over before it even begins, the massacre doesn't happen, Xie Lian does not kill Lang Qianqiu's father...

Qi Rong points out there is a fucking Devastation right there isn't he plotting things also?

Hua Cheng magic girl transformation into ghost king regalia, says some things about Xianle/Yong'an relations, and being a soldier while he was alive that mostly boil down to listen to what your Guoshi teaches, he's a wonderful amazing person the best in the world, the smartest, the most beautiful —

Lang Qianqiu finds that reassuring because that's just how Hua Cheng normaly acts, see, he's clearly here because he has a crush on Guoshi! it's not about revange or Yong'an at all, the man is just in love

Lang Qianqiu has some sort of a hero speech, very serious vow to be a good king and a good person and follow Guoshi's teachings! Xie Lian is very proud

they defeat Qi Rong with the power of friendship — and then the three of them fucking ascend

Xie Lian, no mask — Hua Cheng in ghost king regalia — Lang Qianqiu also there being the objectivley least interesting person in the room

every god in Heaven freakes the fuck out

it's a disaster, it's hilarous. He Xuan contacts Hua Cheng asking what the fuck he is doing. Hua Cheng just laughs

Xie Lian wants to leave, so bad — it feels like this situation would become a whole lot simpler if he and Hua Cheng weren't there, but he can't just leave Lang Qianqiu to this mess....

if Xie Lian leaves, so will Lang Qianqiu, really, if Heaven is to good for such an honorabile and good and just person as his Guoshi then maybe there is something wrong with Heaven (Hua Cheng is so proud)

HC: this is my second ascenshion and Guoshi's third ascenshion, so don't you worry, kid, we're old hands at this business

LQQ: I am worried for this reason exactly

Xie Lian has a whole thing trying to convince Lang Qianqiu to stay in Heaven even if they two do get kicked out for structual damage all I know it sucks but you're a prince, it would be very rude to tell the Emperor to fuck off —

LQQ: okay, so, how about this; if you two leave I cannot stay because your combined power wrecked Heaven so bad it might fall off the sky and I am not shouldering that debt on my own

XL: oh fuck I forgot about that

somewhere in this there is a scene of Feng Xin snd Mu Qing trying to rescue Xie Lian & Lang Qianqiu from evil Hua Cheng's cluthes

plot happens: heaven might fall down so we should deal with that! dealing with that is mostly a logistics thing. also, a war between realms might be around the corner.

[ranticore]

im so curious about the kitchen nightmares au, is félix a waiter? are erica and jean creating crimes against the culinary arts in the back? why is esk of all people gordon ramsay

relevant background info was that when i first got my ipad and was getting to grips with procreate, i was also drafting the first go at mvf so i was drawing mostly refs and character designs, and while i was doing that on an ipad i realised that i could, for the first time ever, watch something on another screen while drawing. guess what i watched

this super old art was one of my first paintings all in procreate and i did it while watching kitchen nightmares. love the show (uk version only), it's absolutely terrible and fake and ramsay sucks but something Compels me

i drew a series of fake interview portraits for all main characters of mvf, as different staff members in a failing restaurant on the show. esk who was kind of the straight man/critical voice of the group ended up being the celebrity chef

anyway the basic plot is they work at a tacky outdated italian trattoria with all that entails, that serves french cuisine, in the year 2005. the restaurant was a money laundering front owned by helena but she was an absentee owner who would deny any claim over the restaurant flaws and be generally away & uncooperative

the restaurant was failing because it looked awful and the food was not good but also because the staff could not work well with one another and the constant arguments that customers would overhear was turning them off

the person who called in gordon ramsnake was the restaurant manager, Félix, in a very roundabout attempt to try to bring heat down on Helena

general overview of the staff & their flaws

Manager (Félix) - actively embezzling from the business, basically a middle manager tyrant trying to control everyone else, ambition of becoming the owner one day (and then they'll ALL see). Would deflect the blame for the restaurant's issues onto every single other person except Francis because he can do no wrong ever. Aw jeez guys we just don't know where the money is going!! Don't look at his meticulously-kept, well-hidden balance books or his incongruously nice car. He looks like the sleaziest businessman you have ever seen.

Head Chef (Jean, you guessed right) - confrontational and rude, could not accept criticism no matter what and would pick fights with customers who sent the food back. He could cook decently but only to his own schedule and preference. The type to go "my food is perfect and nobody can teach me anything" before esk convinces the owner to hire a new head chef who can actually listen to feedback. His prized menu hasn't changed in 7 years.

Front of House (Islin) - zero charm or charisma but otherwise pretty sincere, though it IS weird that an ordained priest is working here and not in a church somewhere. He explains in an interview around the back of the restaurant that he's identified a new route to finding converts because just knocking on people's doors hasn't had a good return. He has zero interest in any aspect of the restaurant experience. Attempts to preach to most of the diners.

Head Waiter (Erica) - he's clearly had no training and is never where he's supposed to be at any given time, and it almost looks like he's ambushing the diners while they're mid-bite on purpose. Calculated bare-minimum work while spending most of his time in the kitchens for some reason. In the course of the episode it's discovered that he makes a decent cook and gets relocated. He had a habit of telling customers that the food was bad even if it wasn't.

Barman (Francis) - eager to please and maybe the only truly friendly face in the restaurant, he's the only reason anyone comes back. But he has an inconvenient habit of giving steep discounts to women, so the bar almost never turns a profit. There have been a few complaints about Barman's inappropriate advances from diners & the fact that his shirt is always a little bit too open. He seems to believe that there's nothing wrong with the place and it's a perfectly legit successful business, so it's hard to get through to him to change his behaviour. Won't hear a word of criticism against Félix or Islin.

Sous-chef (Léá) - hates it here hates every second of every day can't stand anyone wants to be out of there asap but she knows she lacks the experience to actually be a sous-chef in a legitimate restaurant, which means she'd take a pay cut if she tried to find work anywhere else, so she's trapped. She has a habit of throwing parsley garnish far too liberally over every single dish because she read in a book from the 90s that this is how you get a Michelin star

Rival Restaurateur (Senca) - she runs an equally tacky fake unpopular italian trattoria across the street and she's been trying to get Helena's one shut down for years by doing various etsy badluck curses and getting the hygiene inspectors called on them but it hasn't worked yet. She suggested to Félix that maybe trying to get the restaurant on TV would draw enough negative attention to get it shut down (and then he could reopen it of course). She's a bit surprised he actually went and did it even though the show could not have been less flattering towards him and he's essentially turbo-nuked his own reputation into the dirt forever. But she's waiting behind the scenes to make an insultingly-cheap offer and then they'll ALL see

over the course of the episode the above flaws are identified. esk attempts to propose a remodel of the tired décor which is fiercely resisted by Félix because he kind of likes the fake tuscany look but eventually he gives in and the place is given a modern and fresh feel. it draws a crowd on its reopening night but the staff struggle to meet the demand, unused to such numbers, and it ends up with Jean refusing to cook and walking out (he's fired shortly after).

they regroup and organise a charming promo event where they serve real french cuisine in a stall outside (oysters mostly) to draw customers for a new lunchtime service. this is well-received because new Head Chef Léa (now even MORE trapped in a role she has no real claim to) doesn't have to cook the oysters so she can't fuck them up. Félix actually tries to be receptive to the staff he's managing, for once, and he does a good job of supporting them and finally effectively managing the floor.

episode ends with Esk walking away and wondering if it left the restaurant in good hands, concluding that "only time will tell". there's a sequence of the restaurant's one successful lunch service, everyone smiling and working well and diners happy, with the text "RESTAURANT closed its business in August 2005, three months after the filming of this episode".

Esk goes back to interview the owner and ask why it failed, and Helena just explains that she sold it and moved on while dodging every other question. Esk berates her for having no passion for the business, calls her lazy and immature, and she simply walks out of the interview.

[turtlecleric]

assumption - others have said in need of a hug (yes true) but also,

may not have been praised in the way that you deserved growing up and instead others tried to dim your light because they were envious or wanted to see you fail (->im here to tell you they suck ass. you're everything and more; skilled; determined; worthy; and i love you so so much and i am so so proud of you)

Did you know that I would die for you? Did you know that I love you so goddamn much? Did you?

This is way too much personal info that no one actually cares to know, probably, but. I'm sort of avoiding work on purpose at the moment and I'm having a really rough day. Who needs therapy when you have asks on Tumblr to rant in? (I'm joking, to be clear. Actual therapy is so valuable and important if you manage to find a competent professional who clicks well with you. The only reason I stopped going is because of Covid, time, and money.)

Warning: VERY long vent ahead, please do not feel obligated to read or respond

My dad was really good about praising me in ways that felt genuine, actually, though that made the times he /was/ upset with me all that much worse. My dad isn't perfect, and he's done some things and said some things that I'll never forgive, that I'll never be able to forget, but I would also do anything for him. I know he's there for me when I need it, I know he'll answer when I call, I know that he actually cares about me. He and maybe like two cousins are the only family I would never be able to cut off.

My mom... I guess it was just sort of the baseline bare minimum expectation that I would do things well, so when I /was/ praised it was just like... oh, good job sweetie! Proud of you! But it didn't feel... I don't know how to describe why but... I don't know. Now, when people tell me I do things well I always have that voice in my head that's like "they're just being nice, they don't actually think it's all that great, they expected you to do a much better job than this, actually, why did you even bother sharing? Why did you think this was something to be proud of?" I read way too far into things, interpreting neutral reactions, or even positive reactions that aren't as enthusiastic as I might have hoped for, as proof that people are simply being nice and don't really like what I do or make or say all that much. I always get stuck in this mindset that I'm not allowed to create mediocre content, like it all has to be Excellent or else it's Terrible.

I also remember in high school, posting some drawings on Facebook that I was really proud of. Two drawings, one with hands in chains and cut up and the other with healed hands glowing with holy light and cradling a cross. It was supposed to show the difference between life without God and life with God (I was... VERY religious as a teenager. I am now agnostic.), but she saw the first picture and freaked out, super pissed, yelling at me to take it down, to not embarrass her like that, because people were going to see that and think I was abused or depressed or something (haha... me? Depressed? Nahhhhh). And that was the moment when I knew I could never ever ever share anything even remotely dark with her, that if I ever were to express something that indicated I was anything other than good and happy and perfect then she would react similarly. She's also very judgemental regarding mental health, often made comments about how "people who are/do x are sick, there's just something wrong with them, make sure you stay away from people like that" while I'm sitting on the couch like... oof. That's me. So all my venting went to Tumblr where she couldn't see, and even now I mostly only vent on Tumblr and through writing. I have many wonderful friends that would gladly allow me to vent to them (I love you all so much I love you I love you I love you, thank you for being so kind), but I simply Cannot. I've had a friend before where it felt like all they did was complain, they were always so goddamn negative, and it became a chore to talk to them. I started to get angry every time they said or did something defeatist, I stopped enjoying talking or hanging out with them, and I refuse to be that person. Even if I'm told over and over that I don't come across that way, I'm so terrified of it that when I think about reaching out I start to think of that friend and about how I shouldn't bother people and I panic. Unless I've gotten to the point where I truly believe that nothing I do or say will ruin the friendship, then it's really hard to push through that fear. But that's so much harder than it used to be because I /did/ lose a friend that I thought I would have literally for the rest of my life, I was so 100% confident that we would be 80 years old still hanging out with each other and goofing around, so sure we could go through anything together and stay friends, I knew in my heart and soul that we would be friends until we died, and I was wrong. I was wrong. I also had a different friend who was always there for me, always praised me, always listened to me when I needed it and told me kind things and made sure I felt welcome and loved and viewed positively, and then he fucking assaulted me one night when he thought I was asleep.

Anyway. When I /did/ fail at things growing up, it was either punished more severely than necessary or straight up laughed at. Mom was very hot and cold, too, you could never tell what kind of mood she was going to be in that day. (She is still like this. It's well known in my family that you never know which version of her you're going to get.) Things are fine one moment and then suddenly I'm in trouble for something I didn't even realize I did wrong (like with the drawings), so I'm just. Terrified of not doing well enough at things, of disappointing people, of people being annoyed with me or upset with me over something I didn't even realize was rude or mean or wrong to begin with.

"Don't overstay your welcome; don't bother people" was pounded into my head. I can't express how often I start to say or type something and then think, "No one cares. Stop bothering people. You're being too much, you're being annoying, they're tired of you, just keep it to yourself." I'm working on it but. Yeah. Half the time I still just stop talking or backspace and stay quiet. Even typing this, I'm like... you should delete this. You're basically just begging for attention, and if anyone says anything about this to you then it'll only be because they felt obligated to and they're going to start seeing you as a whiny, pathetic, manipulative person, and they're going to get tired of you and roll their eyes every time you say anything, even if it's not you venting, or they'll see this and think about how stupid or weird it is for you to put this information out on the internet, and even this sentence right here is proof that they'd be right because you're aware of all these thoughts and you're still doing it.

But then another part of me thinks that if I can't even vent on my own blog on a post that literally no one is required to read that is also hidden under a readmore and clearly states that it's a vent post, then where /can/ I vent? And if someone else posted this, would I be this harsh on them? And what's so wrong with seeking attention and comfort? Why is that unforgivable in yourself but admirable in others? Why are you crying at work? Why aren't you doing your job? Why aren't you better? Why aren't you better?

[giant1956]

hi What r ur fav rock hudson movie s .... i must know

!!!!!yes okokso all the performances i love from him are usually ones where he uses his natural-to-him "still waters run deep" acting so anything that has to do w identity drama or internal emotional conflict is where i gravitate. here’s my list (in no particular order). i kind of just infodumped really fucking hard sorry. i made myself stop after an hour tho lmao.

giant, ‘56. - the part of bick benedict was fucking perfect for him. he was big, brash and fucking awful but there was always something simmering beneath that, a complexity that isn’t spoken but shown. there’s a human being there dying to escape the rigid parameters of the roles he was submitted to as the son of a great american male: a breadwinner with a duty to hoard land and wealth, a husband in possession of a submissive and dutiful wife, a father in possession of obedient children, but more importantly a man w the responsibility to maintain the legacy of the men that came before him. someone who’s intolerance was always rewarded and yearning for freedom was always punished - his childhood isn’t shown but the way he interacts with his own children makes it clear. you can watch the movie thru so many lenses but watching it thru a feminist lens you can see the critical way rock played bick’s toxic masculinity. i mean the silent grief and desperation to communicate during the fireplace scene when leslie tells him she’s taking the children to her parents and when he waves goodbye to his family at the station then hes standing there alone as the train pulls away….he’s got all this money this land this power and he’s fucking miserably alone because he’s drowning underneath the weight of all his expectations. desperately trying to fit into a box nd miserable when he can’t and when his family can’t fit in there with him. I MEAN the way he crowns jordy the successor of this legacy of pain but you can tell that kid is terrified of him nd can see thru all the machismo to his heartbreak nd would rather not inherent that shit thx……….UGH. idk rock just makes you feel for this horrible lovely bigoted heartbroken man without even needing to speak. (i could write another 50 pages so im gonna stop here)

seconds, ‘66. - his most autobiographical movie ig. talking about it in the context of who he was as a person nd not just who he was as an actor feels like tonguing at a sore its just…such a fucking powerful film nd he was really going thru it. stunning cinematography, direction, supporting performances but that movie wouldn’t’ve been half as good if you had anyone else playing antiochus.

all that heaven allows, ‘55. - he’s fucking everything in this movie. a beatnik tree farmer in love w an older woman played by jane wyman, set in a small new england town, in the autumn nd winter??????? like obviously its great. but his collaborations w sirk come to a glorious head for this movie. they were reading each other's minds nd you can telllll

ice station zebra, ‘68. - maybe not on everyone’s list but idc he’s basically a star trek captain in this movie nd his gentle authority nd monotone calmness soothes me. he’s got the cary grant thing where his line reads are self aware nd a little self deprecating and it makes for a good watch if you like super long nd boring movies w cold war plots nd where they try to get everything super accurate about submarines...which i do. omg ernie borgnine and patrick mcgoohan are also great.

come september, ‘61. - i fukcing love this one idk why people talk about it like it's a cut rate day/hudson wannabe. it makes me laugh whenever i watch it he’s so fucking funny in this movie nd gina lollobrigida does a decent job too.

pretty maids all in a row, ‘71. - gene roddenberry wrote this………………gene roddenberry fucking wrote this. anyway. disgusting, perverted, horrific, hilarious, terrible, fantastic. his character;s literally called tiger nd spends the entire film sleeping w everyone that walks into his office also he’s a murderer. it's clearly inspired by manson its a great b movie i meanjust the scene where he calmly holds angie’s tit while they talk?????lmaooooo. he shouldve played more psychopaths. oh nd the post-fuck kaftan + curly hair is a top 5 look of all time.

hornets' nest, ‘70. - this movie is also fucking ridiculous. it’s audacious, its incredibly violent and the outrage it gets you to feel about how violent the kids are is definitely evocative when you realize its a vietnam flick nd that’s the whole point. rock throws grenades while driving a truck one handed (no double) the physicality of the role is impressive nd for that alone its on my list.

a farewell to arms, ‘57. - IK WHAT YOURE THINKING BUT LISTEN david fucking o. selznick is what made this a terrible movie. jennifer jones and rock were acting for their LIVES and vittorio de sica is incredibleincredibleincredible if production didn’t fall apart nd selznick wound his fucking neck in and didn’t run john huston off the project like a week before (days???) before filming this movie could’ve been so fucking good. i mean??????????? that last scene almost makes up for all the shit you need to slog through to get there. almost

send me no flowers, ‘64. - ive already watched this three times this year. ive got hypochondria nd its nice to see someone more neurotic than me, thanks george kimball, but the real draw for me is that rock’s character is emotionally married to tony randall’s character as much as he’s actually married to doris day’s. seeing him act w paul lynde is fucking great also.

[sillybeansss]

okay wait before i start typing out my reply. THANK YOU??? i.dont know i just. DUFUJDFHHF THAT FEELS SO NICE TO. READ THANK YOU??? i genuinely cannot begin to express my gratitude,,,, but thank you!!! im proud of you, too!! i hope things get better for you in every way, and i mean that. 

i will try to reapond to each paragraph individually hold pn,,, ( < is currently writing this in the notes app because i dont trust tumblr )

yeah fair!!! itd be nice to expand my hobbies and interests, especially with something like instruments. i get what you mean about taking it slow and practicing. like i say, practice, while it may not always make perfect, makes progress. hence why its good to exercise your abilities! actually i cannot be talking i am extremely art blocked but ive been writing a lot lately and im honestly super happy about that!! also i might try to pursue piano, although ill ask my friend to try and teach me piano 101 since i dont want to pay for actual classes, especially since i dont know if its for me yet, so itd be kind of pointless to spend money on something i might not like. also might try picking up the flute again! maybe ordering a new book! said flute is still okay its just probably dirty. maybe i might move onto the sax or guitar…also. practice!!! again, practice makes progress! i can assure you that once you do it enough, youre going to be satisfied with the result. do it until it suffices, but dont overwork yourself either!!

i relate to this a lot actually!!! im trying to have a better mindset about the school than i did last year. because, although it can be frustrating sometimes, its not all terrible. my school is a school with no deficiencies, and were usually better than the district…so i guess i should be grateful for that! except for math. also you are very optimistic!! so yes, ‘twas obvious!!! ive always just seen you as like this silly guy who may or may not be energetic at times…though its probably projecting…but i can understand getting pissed off with some peers/schoolmates sometimes. it happens to the best of us. as long as it doesnt escalate a lot, its alright. i usually try to just keep everything i say short and sweet therefore they dont have much to use against me. if it wasnt obvious though i kind of suck at that because im a yap-o-tron

woawww…that sounds super cool!!! now that i think of it i was shown annie in like 4th grade so technically annie WAS actually my first musical…not that i payed much attention though. sometimes. my personal favorite is. EMBARRASSING…and i dont know how people havent found out yet because i keep making references

okay thats my individual reaponse to each paragraph…thats why it sounds kinda weird

~🫶🏽🎳

IM SOSO SORRY FOR THE LATE RESPONSE 😭😭!!!

But for starters ACK TY!!! I'm super duper proud of you silly :33

And I highkey encourage you to try those instruments especially sax!! You seem thrilled about it and I think you'd like it ^_^ I usually try to practice but I am a heavy procrastinator especially since my interests are lowkey one of the biggest things I thinking about after school yk? ALSO ALSO YESSS DO THAT!!! Havia good mindset really helps my counseler always told me that and I thought it was dumb and such but she highkey has a point cause it really does help!! :33 and I think sometimes I am quite energetic I think it just matters the situation and how much I know said person if im with anyone :p

And yeah school just sucks sometimes but hopefully next year the guys will "calm down and mature" like my siblings keep telling me but I don't know if Im fully confident in that,,, but in my time will tell!! ^u^

[1d1195]

sam, sam, sammmmm. it’s been a hot minute. im still out of the country, wifi is terrible, i am even more so. HAHA. BUT I MISS GETTING ON HERE AND TALKING WITH YOUUU😭😭😭 but thank goodness because i finally got free time to binge read all the one shots and series you’ve posted (except Honey, it’s the only one left and i’m going to wake up tomorrow and start because i KNOW im going to eat that up) AND ITS BEEN SO MUCH FUN SO THANK YOU SO MUCH.

can i just say how absolutely awesome it is that you run this account and you share all this with us? honestly i don’t even read your summaries anymore because i genuinely know that if you wrote it, ill love it. not even kidding.

SAMANTHA I JUST READ MOST AND YOU WERE SO RIGHT😭😭😭 I WOULDVE DIED IF I HAD TO WAIT FOR THAT😭😭😭 BUT OMGGGG MY HEART LITERALLY HURT SOOOOO BAD READING THAT STORY BUT IT WAS SOOOO GOOD. i was worried cause i remembered all the lauren hate mail but HONESTLY??? I WAS EXPECTING WORSE. I WAS SOOOOO SCARED SHE WAS GOING GET WITH HARRY I WOULDVE THROWN MY PHONE. she was just a jealous bitch, whatever.

the traditional blurb? and then the EXTRA traditional blurb??? BAHSHJEUSHAUAS HOTTTTT. I LOVE THEM🥹

the “heaven is a place on earth” cover is SOOO good, better believe it’s going straight to the clean up playlist. I HAVE A FEW SONGS TO SHARE AS WELL !!! “tenenbaum” by the paper kites - “sweet heat lightning” by gregory alan isakov - “hope” james bay

life is soooo ughhh. there’s something wrong with me, i dunno. please tell me you’re faring better, how’s life ? what’s new ? tell me everything ! love you lots <3333

~🎶

AHHHHHH!!!!! HIIIIIIII!!!!!!! I've missed you so much! Bad wifi is the worst! I figured you were still traveling but it's so good to hear from you!!!! Probs for the best you saved Honey as well, you'll see 😭 I think I got 15 messages for one of the parts. I hope you enjoy 💕

YOU'RE SO SWEET I COULD CRY 😭 I love this blog more than anything tbh. It's so nice to be here and write stuff but it's even nicer that you (and others) enjoy it and let me know that you do 😭 thank God for one direction, am I right?

I hate Lauren (although not as much as some of you 🤭) I briefly toyed with Harry dating but I don't think I could make him date Lauren. Maybe someone else. But Lauren would have been too much I think I'm glad you loved the story overall even if your heart hurt!

Traditional is always a safe bet, I think. I'm glad you loved them too! 💕

Okay listening to Paper Kites but they sing that other song I mentioned to you before so I'm VERY ready to listen to this song 10000 times in a row. (I'm listening to it right now, and I'm loving it thus far). I'm always here for a Gregory Alan Isakov song as well. James Bay for me is about 50-50 but I'll give him a fighting chance (I def heard Let It Go one too many times on the radio back in the day so I'm biased--isn't it weird though? I'M allowed to play the song over and over but the RADIO should NEVER.)

There's nothing wrong with you. Life IS soooo ughh. I'm doing alright. I feel like my energy is off and I'm not sure why (probs $$ related). I feel less stressed than I have in years which is nice, but in a constant state of being busy. Work is good overall! Which is like a HUGE load off my back. Otherwise, just trying to enjoy the little things every day so I don't become filled with existential dread 🙃 I don't have too much new going on. I'm one of those people who shift their closet from spring/summer to fall/winter (and back) so I did that over this past weekend and basically I never need to go shopping ever again (but also I have coupons so what am I supposed to do? Not use FREE MONEY!?) I'm SO obsessed with coffee it's borderline unhealthy but Gilmore Girls says it's fine so it is what it is. I need to start reading again. I've been rereading the same scene of "who did this to you" from what of my books just to feel something and I cannot move on. I mentioned it in an ask to my 💜-anon, but I straight up have two book-boyfriends right now and I'm literally so in love with them it's probs unhealthy as the coffee addiction. I have a wedding to go to this month which I'm not really looking forward to. October is SO busy and I feel like I'm rushing through this message but I am trying my HARDEST to finish a one-shot update for Thursday 😭

Anyway.

TELL ME ALL ABOUT YOU AND YOUR TRIP. Tell me everything as well! What has you thinking life is so ughhh?

MISSED YOU SO MUCH!!! LOVE YOU 💕

xoxo

[navire190413]

i am exhausted. i really need to stop drinking so much. i almost didnt make it into work today just because i wanted to sleep more. probably since i've been going to bed around 2 every night. i really gotta adjust my life style soon or i feel like there will be serious consequences somehow.

ive been considering giving up on x-chan. its been 4 months since we broke up, and then 3 months as "friends", where we're just doing this stupid game of ohhh we like eachother so much one week then dont like each other the next week, repeat. we met up after work yesterday and went to 神田 to go to 神田屋. idk why we even went there, x-chan hates chain izakayas. we only had one drink then decided to walk to 秋葉原。we found another chain izakaya to go to since they allow smoking at your seat. usually when we're together he always holds my hand, but he didnt reach for it at all last night, so i didnt reach for his either. i felt like, oh maybe its actually over now and we're just actually going to act like friends and not be all ラブラブ like we are most of the time. 

we left pretty early after having 2 mega lemon sours and some food. he was exhausted from work and was basically falling asleep at the table. we said bye and didnt kiss or anything. i went to my usual bar for a drink or two before going home. most of the usual people were there but i mostly just drank by myself and played with my phone. i was too exhausted and over thinking everything to even try to communicate in japanese. 

i texted x-chan while i was there saying i wanted to hold his hand earlier but didnt know if it was okay or not so i refrained. he told me its always okay and he likes when i do it, so i guess i will from now on. i also told him i still like him and after i got drunk i asked him to please tell me if he ever starts talking to a girl romantically so i can stop pursuing him out of respect for the both of them. he agreed, so i guess i should stop worrying about if he's talking to anyone until he tells me he is. 

my old drinking buddy ended up coming to the bar while i was there and we drank until 11:30, which is why im so fucking exhausted today. he's american from texas and has been in japan for less than a year. he's kind of sort of studying japanese but he hasnt really made much progress lately haha. he teaches english and is stuck in that terrible cycle. i couldnt do it. all of the people i know who are english teachers are miserable and on the verge of offing themselves. the pay is too low and their hours too long and they have weird ass fucking contracts with barely any time off. i definitely got lucky when i decided to go to language school. but also extremely lucky i had the means to save up for it and afford it. i love japan but i dont love it enough to become an english teacher just for a visa. i would absolutely move back to the states before i even considered teaching english as a job. which is why i was so panicked the entire time i was job hunting. 

im sure if i didnt come to work today it would have been fine, but i had a cold two weeks ago and something about me missing 3 days of work in a month when i just got my work visa 2 months ago doesnt sit right with me. i got ready in 10 minutes today so i could sleep in the max amount of time possible and didnt even bother with makeup. i really gotta get my shit togetherrrrrrr. x-chan also doesnt want to drink as much anymore and wants to save money, so if i stop hanging out with him as much i wont be drinking as much or spending as much money either. but if i dont hang out with him as much, he'll start hanging out with other girls! i dont think he will but my ocd is killing me. i want to give up so bad. i tried my hardest to make things right between us, but they keep going from good to bad and then from bad to good and i am frankly emotionally exhausted. he texted ME good morning today, and that made me more happy than it should have. i need to stop wasting my emotional resources on this and focus on myself. its so hard. 

i think im gonna go pray at a temple this weekend. it usually helps me clear my head and i feel like my luck usually turns around when i do. fighting the urge to look up 縁結び祈願 temples because i should pray about getting my life together, not getting back with x-chan haha. i typed this then immediately invited him to go with me.

i do the money management and accounting at my job. im still being trained on how they like their stuff organized and how to do everything the right way in japan. japan's tax system is so complicated compared to how "streamlined" it is in the states. also having to add up big amounts of money here is kind of comical. so many 0's. so. many. 0's. also dont ask me to say any number larger than 999万円 outloud because it takes me like 10 seconds to count from the end of the number and backwards to understand if its 万 or 億.

i need to go shooting soon. i have a photo series in mind, but it requires me being out all night long until like 6am, and i dont feel comfortable doing it alone since random men always approach me when im by myself so im kind of relying on my friends to go with me. i also keep blowing off my friends to hangout and try to woo x-chan. my life is a mess. i also need to study instead of drinking every night. and i need to not go to the bar as much so i can save up to move. and and and and. and i need to buy more film for my camera. and i want to play pokemon in my free time. and i need to study more japanese grammar for my job because im forgetting a lot of it now that im not going to school everyday. and and and and. i need to go to the grocery store after work today.

yesterday on my way to the station after work, there was a guy puking on the sidewalk. first thought was, okay gross? and at 5:30? kind of fucking early to be hammered… then i looked at his vomit and it was a giant amount of unchewed ramen noodles. like. so so so much. we made eye contact and that man was in PAIN. i wonder if he just overate or something instead of being drunk 😂 that image of those fucking noodles will stay with me forever.

i need to do laundry and clean my room when i get home tonight.

[transexualpirate]

onto episode three im in a terrible mood but this is helping a lot i love you forever the umbrella academy you will always be in my heart

is ben inside the squid

not ben :(

REGINALD I HATE YOU REGINALD I HATE YOU FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER

oh god klaus looks like shit baby are you okay do you need something. a hug maybe

klaus is lashing out and he hasn't said anything wrong yet. maybe he's saying too much but he's not lying and they know it

except about lila i think he's wrong about her

he is RIGHT. about them all he's right

when he says there's no bottom it's because he's immortal and that means there is no actual limit to just how miserable he can get he can always get worse because he's immortal im

"you wanted the old klaus back. you got him." HAHHUFCFFNNNNGGOOOOOGFFFF. FUCKK

"look out klaus!!!" dude what for. why should he give a fuck

they are definitely not better together no. they might be slightly less worse but better isn't the word id use

"and then there were six"

IF THEY MAKE FIVE/LILA HAPPEN IM GONNA GO INSANE. FAIR WARNING.

hey ben you're not immortal why are you going around in the middle of nowhere that can't be safe

did klaus really just walk away and hus siblings didn't go after him or anything lol i mean i get it

man who the fuck is jennifer

me and diego are the same we're both losing the idgaf war so bad

OH CLAIRE OH GODDDD CLAIRE OH TIO KLAUS WE'RE REALLY IN IT NOW

her face im going to cry

"are things so bad a drink won't make it worse?" "no, it's too late." "no, it's not." "yes it is it's too late."

OH GOD HIM SHOUTING AT HER I CAN'T FUCK THIS IS BREAKING MY FUCKING HEART KLAUS FUCK PLEASE

he sounds so resigned and he took the fucking tv and he ran out

oh claire :(

off klaus goes to further the plot on accident and by himself. he's separated from his family which means he's going to have some breakthrough alone. i know the drill by now

diego and luther are both stupid and cringefail and hunks. one more than the other

what is the connection between jennifer and ben tho like why did they click like that and shit

the squid is dead why is she so scared it's dead isn't it (or is it 👀)

im still worried about klaus

oh don't tell me they're going to reginald that motherfucker

who is this white woman ???

HE'S FLOATING OMG HE'S LEVITATING WITH HIS LEGS CROSSED AHAHDHHDHEHD

"i thought you were dead but turns out you can float" "you know the whole death rebirth death rebirth death rebirth... it's a vicious cycle. you look well!"

klaus 🤝 me

owning people a lot of money that we cannot pay

oh

oh.

oh god klaus

that's what he meant by oblivion. oh fuck

oh man :(

REGINALD. THAT BITCH. FUCKKKKKK I HATE HIM

SQUARE THE FUCK UP RIGHT THE FUCK NOW OLD MAN LET'S FUCKING GO. RIGHT NOW. COME ON

aaaaaand klaus was kidnapped again. fucking hell

and once again his family has no idea nor do they care why does this keep happening

how the fuck did they not notice that they don't remember how ben died

i bet klaus remembers at least something i mean ben must have talked about it here and there it would have jogged up his memory wouldn't it ??

i dont believe reginald i still think he's to blame and im not joking

this white woman is correct it is reginald's handiwork. it's his fault. all of it. i dont even know how or why but it is

yo bens tentacles are super cool

jean and gene are good dancers :)

ben is so awesome look at that holy shit this whole scene fucks HARD

i dont trust reginald one bit id never let him mess around my head that way. five is right don't let him mess around in your gray matter

no diego and lila shouldn't be together that's true but five and lila shouldn't be together EITHER.

I DON'T TRUST REGINALD AND IM WORRIED ABOUT KLAUS. so regular the umbrella academy stuff

SPOILERS AHEAD first impressions of s4 (aka the last season) of tua no i haven't finished the episode yet but i wanna talk

what do you MEAN there's only six episodes im going HAM

luther is a stripper now. that's great. i love that for him. i love him. not so easy now is it luther. space little boy. i love this stupid stupid man he's trying so hard

BEN WAS IN JAIL FOR SCAMMING PEOPLE OH MY GOD oh my god oh my god??????? BELOVED,

"u n c l e k l a u s"

klaus is staying with allison and claire and he's paranoid now the poor thing.... i love him so much....... he's so worried about his nephew....... babye............

he's scared of CIGARETTES now. Okay.

JEROME?????

you could pick ANY name you wanted and you landed on JEROME???????

"and i was involved in the kennedy assassination" "speak your truth"

"your faith in me is undeserving" that's the klaus i know and love now go to therapy please

they All should be in therapy, really

"he's germaphobic now. and incredibly sober"

klaus&claire is the duo i didn't know i needed but now i cant live without. look at them go. they're family.

ALLISON IS VAPING NOW?????

"STONED"? WEED PEN???? ALLISON IS THAT A WEED PEN

WHAT HAPPENED

[yesimwriting]

Would you write a Kaz Brekker request where the reader is a bookworm and a crow and basically Kaz asks the reader to read to him as his way of apologizing after a argument that was his fault?

 it ​​a/n i did something kinda similar in a 'promise of rain' blurb,, but this concept is so cute to me:)) love it sm i moved it up my request cue lol

also IM IN COLLEGE NOW!! WHAT?? AND IVE BEEN TO A PARTY! AND IM JOINING A SORORITY AND I DID DRAMA AUDITIONS AND AHH !! SO DIFFERENT! I MISS MY MOM AND SISTER AND DOG AND EVEN MY DAD BUT IM HAPPY HERE!! 

also im a little worried this might not portray kaz superrrrr accurately bc it's been awhile so just let me know,, feedback leads to improvement:)) also kinda set this up for a part 2 bc...well youll see 

--

They've always said a lot of things about him, and I've always heard them. But I've never quite believed them. Sure, I get why the dark things that have flourished in the poisoned soil that is Ketterdam consider Kaz Brekker the darkest thing of all. I understand the nickname 'Dirtyhands' for the gloved criminal who has fooled each crime boss at least once. I understand each terrible thing they've said about him.

But I've never agreed with them. I've never even considered agreeing with them. Until today.

The thought that maybe everything people say about him is correct in a simple context struck me worse than the silence after our argument. It made me feel like both a fool and hypocrite. Kaz and I have had our fair share of spats over the relatively short time we've known each other, but never like this. Never so badly he stormed out of the room before I could. I squeeze the book in my lap even harder, desperate to focus on the words on the pages.

You didn't hurt him. He walked away because he decided you weren't worth the cost of his expensive time. I repeat those thoughts in my mind over and over again, letting them bitter me further. It's a lot easier to be mad than hurt. A lot easier to fuel your pain than try to understand your mistakes. Besides, tiredness is already dredging around in my chest and if I don't calm down a little I won't be able to fall asleep.

I had escalated the fight more than I should have. Knowing Kaz is like performing in a tightrope act. One must always be aware of where they're going. Watching what's in front of them without ever thinking too much about what's beneath or behind them. Today though, when I needed my balance most I chose to fall. I chose to dive, and apparently there was no net.

"Oh, you're doing that thing."

I roll my eyes at Jesper's voice as I fight down a yawn. I wipe my face with the back of my palm before turning. The burning behind my eyes never resulted in full tears, but I feel better after doing so. "What thing?"

"That terribly noble thing where you find it in yourself to take full blame for every single conflict you and boss man fall into." The slight humor in his voice is enough for me to roll my eyes again. "Between you and me, I'm sure the reason he's so angry now is because you didn't do that for once."

I press my lips together as my chin angles itself upwards slightly. "I never do that." He raises an eyebrow. The slight sympathy that colors the look is more offensive than his accusation. "If I pick and choose my battles, it's for good reason."

"Clearly."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

He shrugs once before further entering my room. I say nothing when he sits at the foot of my bed. "Oh, you know," Jesper stretches back casually, resting his back against the wall and extending his legs, "You and Kaz--Kaz and you."

Has he been drinking? Perhaps he's not here because of my unusual absence from downstairs after my fight with Kaz but because he's already too tipsy to think right. "What?"

At my confused look he grins, flashing all of his teeth with an arrogance that outshines the whiteness of them. He taps the still open book in my lap. "Let me put it in terms you'll understand." Jesper sits up a little further, amusement clear in his features. "You two make a shameful Elizabeth and Darcy--"

"Oh, shut up," I groan, glaring at him, "This isn't Pride and Prejudice. And Kaz and I," Jesper's smugness returns when I can't quite think of what I want to say, "We're barely friends--we're barely anything, let alone what you're implying."

Jesper pulls his legs up and shoves me gently. "Dearest, y/n," he ignores my glare, "You should know better than anyone that 'barely friends, barely anything' with Kaz is more than it is with anyone else?"

"That doesn't mea--"

"You two say goodnight to each other." Once. Kaz and I said good night to each other in front of Jesper once. How dare he assume it happens regularly? He's right, but that doesn't mean I'm okay with it. "You play cards with him. Not for money, not for skill--"

"It's for practice." The look Jesper gives me is enough to tell me that my defense didn't land.

Damn him for ever finding Kaz and I on one of those strange nights. One of those nights in which he lurks at the stairwell...the one that divides my room and his attic. One of those nights in which it feels like he's a phantom and I'm the only one that can really see him. A night in which we both silently find each other.

I couldn't quite believe it the first time it happened. I'm not exactly a Crow--I don't feel enough a connection to the Dregs to join them without some kind of guarantee--but I was needed for some obscure job. but I was needed for some obscure job. The Crows needed an insider who could blend into high society, and I needed a place to stay away from my father.

It worked. I worked. And with each passing day I found myself enjoying the Crows more and more. That's why I stayed. That's why I started checking the stairwell practically every night, a set of playing cards in my hand.

The first time had been awkward. I couldn't sleep and my room felt too quiet, but the rambunctious club felt too loud and a little unsafe considering the hour. So I settled for the only space in between. When Kaz found me sitting on the steps and playing a solitary card game I had been so stunned by embarrassment I just offered to deal him in. I had been more shocked when he silently accepted my offer.

"Practice?" Jesper repeats. "You were laughing, I heard you."

"That was one time--how do you know we didn't just happen to play cards together the one time you saw it?"

"Because you laughed about a play you considered 'predictable'."

Sighing, I sit up a little straighter. "I'm not having this conversation. Occasionally saying 'goodnight' to someone who lives in the same space I live in and sometimes playing cards with said person because we both happen to be up at a certain time doesn't mean anything."

"And the way he looked at the contact that was flirting with you?"

Oh...this conversation again. "For the last time, the contact wasn't flirting with me. We had to dance to blend in and when he leaned towards me to whisper in my ear...it was to tell me the intel Kaz just had to have."

"And when he tucked that strand of hair behind your ear?"

"He just wanted to sell our cove--"

"Y/n, he kissed your cheek and I'm fairly certain he would have kissed you if Kaz and I hadn't made it to the corridor at that second."

Why is everyone so obsessed with what would have never happened? The contact had been attractive, tall with fair eyes and hair. But it's not like I feel anything for him, nor would I have been so foolish during a job. A fact that Kaz refuses to believe. I'm tired of this argument...I'm just tired. This job required me to start getting ready early in the morning and lasted long into the night.

"I wouldn't have kissed him and even if I had, the fact that Kaz is so mad about feels...sexist." A stupid argument, considering that Kaz couldn't care less if the person he's working with is female, male, or anything in between because the only thing he cares about is profit. "It's a stupid thing to be mad about, but you hit on anything with a pulse at any time and--"

"I resent that--"

"For the first two weeks I was here I thought you might've been a prostitute."

I can feel him holding in a laugh. "Did you at least think I was a good prostitute?" When I glare again, he finally actually laughs. "Not the point--got it."

"Then what is the point? You're bored and obsessed with gossip so now you're shaking me for information you don't need."

"The point is you're oblivious." Rude...I move my leg in a weak attempt to push him off my bed. Jesper catches my ankle easily, ignoring my attempt at a fight. "You thought the contact was only doing his job and you don't know the real reason that Kaz blew up at you for the first time the way he blows up at everyone."

"Okay, well since you know everything, tell me why he's mad."

He lets out a sigh like he can't believe I even needed to ask that. "It's not the best look that the first time you let him pick a fight with you happens to be about some guy."

...Maybe he is drunk? "Don't be so cryptic. I don't like you enough to put up with that."

Jesper half-sighs again before pushing himself off my bed. "I'm going to pretend I think you're smart enough to piece things together from that."

"Asshole," I mumble instinctually as he walks towards my door. "Are you not telling me because I tried to push you off the bed?"

He turns when he reaches my door in order to lean against my door frame. "It's not not because of that." I should throw my book at his head. "In all seriousness, think about it. If you don't you'll either kill each other or kill me."

Ugh...he's so confusing. This time, I let him go. He leaves he door open, which is beyond annoying. I stand up to close it, promising myself I will focus on my book the second it's in my hands again. As I walk back towards my bed, my eyes land on the deck of cards on my nightstand.

Does it send a signal I don't want to send if I don't go the stairwell tonight? Do I want to send a signal? I don't know...actually, the only thing I know is that I don't want to think about this a second longer. I don't ease as I read, but my eyelids become heavier with each word they cross. I feel the weight of them as my focus slips, farther and farther away until I can no longer focus. When my eyes fall shut I can't bring myself to think or force them open.

--

I notice my surprised before I register that I've just woken up. Falling asleep feels so far and yet the crick in my neck confirms the obvious. Rubbing the eyes with the back of my hand, I push my book from my lap and sit up. The only indication of how much time has passed is how much my bedside candle has melted.

How long have I been asleep? How did I manage to fall asleep? I thought I was too mad at Kaz to manage anything but pouting in my room. I hadn't even decided if I wanted to talk to him.

I stand even though I haven't decided anything. I should at least change if I want to go to bed. But is leaving this alone for even longer a bad idea? I think Jesper thought so...though my conversation with him is far from clear. It's not the best look that the first time you let him pick a fight with you happens to be about some guy. I'm going to pretend I think you're smart enough to piece things together from that. What does he want me to do with that?

Maybe he was partially intoxicated and felt the need to play the role of a good friend. Or maybe this is his idea of a joke.

Whatever--regardless of Jesper, I have a choice to make. A tiny part of me hopes it's insignificant, but I know Kaz enough to know that nothing is insignificant to him. He holds onto things the way he holds onto his kruge. Perhaps I'll seek out Inej, she seems to be the best at rationalizing. Though she might be asleep by now, or on a job or...I don't even know.

How late is it? Is it late enough to be one of the few hours Kaz claims to reserve for sleep? Maybe my bad luck is still around and he's already in bed for once. Does that mean his anger will extend to tomorrow?

I shouldn't care. It's not like I'm in the wrong. Did I escalate things? Maybe a little...but I won't apologize for defending myself. Even though that makes everything a little easier. I feel stuck, like in some kind of place of half sleep. A single knock at my door is enough to make me want to jump. I rub my eyes a little more firmly in hopes of waking up more before someone sees me.

I approach the door without worry. Maybe it's not as late as I assumed. Or maybe it's really early? I open the door while still fighting against my slight disorientation. I'm so focused on acting normal, I almost don’t register the person standing at my door. 

I don’t know who I expected, or what--maybe Jesper, much more tipsy than he was before, slumped against the doorframe, only knocking because he’s too tired to push the door open. Maybe even Inej, on her way here to deliver some kind of job or notice of dismissal. But it’s nothing I could expect. It’s...Kaz. 

The Dirtyhands stands at my door, expression as hard as ever yet something behind his eyes that burns the sleep away from me. “Uh--hi.” I bite my tongue to avoid cringing at that very awkward beginning. “Are you here to kick me out yourself?” The only response I get is the slightest shift of his gaze off of my face. “No? Well then I think I’m going to bed. It’s late.” 

My tone and words are clear. Get out of my doorway, I’m in no mood to go back to arguing.  When he still doesn’t say anything, I’m emboldened by my nerves. I push the door between us without breaking eye contact. 

Before the wood can meet the doorframe, he moves his cane, wedging it between us. “Y/n.” I don’t understand the way he says my name, but I’m certain he’s never said it like that. “I...” When he’s not prompted by the uncomfortableness of silence, I raise an eyebrow, my grip on the door tightening. “What I said shouldn’t have been said.” Wait--is he admitting fault? I’m so thrown I almost melt entirely. “Not to you.” 

The addition leaves him so lowly a part of me wonders if I’ve imagined it. I’m so thrown by it I don’t even think to reply until a long second has passed. “You seemed to believe the opposite a few hours ago.” 

His lips press together for a moment. “You didn’t ask me to play cards tonight.” He took that as intentional? At least that got me some kind of apology? I keep my mouth shut, greed making me want more information. I guess he must sense my silent tugging because he head inclines slightly. “Don’t push.” 

I fight down a grin. “Push what?” His only response to stiffen further. “I’m going to tell you something as a peace offering.” That seems to intrigue him in some way. I can’t tell if it’s a good kind of interested, but I note the slight raise of his eyebrows and his intentional silence. “I didn’t chose not to ask you to play cards.” He gives me no indication of anything, which is fair...considering my vagueness. “I was mad, obviously, and in the middle of deciding on a course of action...and then I fell asleep.” 

A long pause of silence. “You fell asleep?” 

I’m not sure if his incredulous tone should offend me or not. If I wanted to lie, I’d like to think he knows me well enough to know that I’d have thought of a better excuse than that. Or at least a less embarrassing one. “Yes, it’s not that difficult to believe. Today had been long and all I wanted to do was read, but then Jesper came in to say the oddest things and then leave me to...” 

Oh--oh. I guess there’s a reason people say to ‘sleep on’ something. Because now, actively remembering Jesper’s words for the first time since I fell asleep...I understand what Jesper was implying in the oddest way possible. He meant that Kaz and I...that perhaps there is a Kaz and I in a context that’s more than just grammatical. Wow. I really had to realize this with Kaz right in front of me. 

My face feels warmer than it did before, an irrational bout of anxiety forcing me to consider that me might be able to read impossible, embarrassing thoughts from my expression alone. 

“What did Jesper say?” I’m too lost in my own spiral of confusion and panic and some feeling I can’t recognize to register how Kaz asks his question. There’s an edge to it, an odd one, but that could easily just be Kaz. 

This is most definitely the last conversation we need to be having. I’m still mad at him for his earlier dramatics. So I just shake my head, feigning an exhaustion I could lose myself in. “Nothing and everything all at once.” I resist the urge to rub my eyes again. “I’m pretty sure he was drinking, and I wasn’t really listening. I was just trying to read.” 

Kaz’s expression hardens briefly as he takes in my words, and then he exhales, nodding once with the breath. “What were you reading?” 

My lips part instinctually, ready to spew off details about the latest novel that’s captured my attention. But before I can let myself take off, the reality of the situation strikes me directly in the chest. This is not Nina, or Inej, or even Jesper after what he considers a ‘good night’. This is Kaz Brekker, the man believed to not have a soul. I’ve spoken to him before about casual things, though most of the nights in which we end up playing cards or just sitting near each other are spent in silence. But he’s never prompted me before. Not in the one topic he knows is guaranteed to turn me into an overenthusiastic, gushing fountain of poor summaries and character analysis. 

I guess this is his peace offering. This shouldn’t warm the way it does. He was still unbelievably dramatic and treated me like I’m some kind of unreliable fool. “It’s late, and you know how I can be. I’d hate to keep you for nothing more than a poor summary and honestly, an embarrassing rant about plot or characters, because there’s just nothing as frustrating as when two people so clearly care about each other and both are too stubborn and oblivious to acknowledge it.” 

Kaz’s eyebrows draw together just enough for me to be able to make out a shift of expression in the poor light. Perhaps his lingering irritation is preparing to rear its ugly head. The corner of his mouth seems to threaten to tilt upwards as Kaz angles his head to the side slightly. “I can’t imagine that position.” 

No kidding. I bite my tongue to keep the sarcastic comment and awkward laugh that would sure follow it away. “Who can? That’s like half the point of reading.” 

How can interaction feel so over and just at its beginning all at once? I press my lips together to avoid filling the silence with things I’d no doubt instantly regret. It’s easy to be mad at Kaz in the moment. Too easy. But to stay mad at him when his temper has passed and he returns with some kind of begrudging and admittedly awkward and uncertain truce is another task entirely. 

“I’ve never understood your attachment to written words.” 

“It’s not about understanding, it’s about everything else.” 

“And you say I’m cryptic.” Is he...kinda almost joking? I straighten my spine, too tired to fight and too wounded to forgive. “There’s understanding in everything, nothing can survive on sentiment alone.” 

“If you read the way I did, you’d understand.” 

His lips press together as his expression remains unwavering in its hardness. “Read to me.” 

...Interacting with Kaz in any way often leaves me feeling like I’m wandering through unknown territory. But this, this is undeniably different. So different I can’t even think of a way to react. I watch his expression as cautiously as possible. He’s purely reserved, no distinction from the look he wears during business propositions. Except there’s a tightness I can’t quite understand.

Maybe it’s because I don’t want to fight anymore. Maybe it’s because exhaustion is leaving me partially delirious. Or maybe it’s the weird feeling in my chest that I can’t quite place. That I don’t want to place. “Okay.” I shift carefully. “If for no other reason then to prove you wrong.” 

Never did I think I’d end up in the position of sitting in my bed, book in hand, with Kaz Brekker sitting next to me. But here we are. I’m so tired, I almost let out a nervous laugh when he first walked in. So brooding and tall, gripping the head of his head cane as he sits at the foot of my bed, on my pastel quilt. 

I’m glad for the excuse to keep my gaze away from him and on the words in front of me. I read out loud, feeling more and more comfortable with each page I finish. But as my inhibitions slip away, so dos my hold on consciousness. My eyelids seem to grow heavier with each word that I read. 

“You’re falling asleep.” 

I straighten my spine on instinct. “Am not.” I’m not sure why I feel the need to deny something so simple. 

“You’re impossible.” 

From him, that statement is laugh worthy. “I’m impossible? Do you not remember earlier today?” 

From the way his jaw locks, I realize that he’s in no mood to be light about this topic. I don’t understand why. It’s not like I’m the one that wronged him. “I remember your lack of focus.” 

Keeping my hands at my side to avoid rubbing my eyes, I frown. “If you want to have this argument again, fine. Jesper is more ‘distracted’ than me half the time and you’re much more lenient on him. It’s not like I was flirting with someone or gambling or doing anything but having a two second conversation. One that I needed to have to get information that you wanted.” 

The last time we fought, I had more energy to restrain myself. This could be atomic. I hold my breath, waiting for Kaz’s retaliation. He exhales, eyes not meeting mine. “Arguing with you when you’re present is exhausting enough. It’s not worth it when you’re half asleep.” 

This angers me further. I hate that he’s right. “I’m not half asleep.” He leaves it at that. I glare even harder at him, slumping further into my bed. “But for the sake of argument, I’ll drop it. Something you’re incapable of doing.” 

At that, his eyes meet mine. I try to hold his gaze, but the harder I think about not seeming tired the more exhaustion slips in. A yawn escapes me before he looks away. Great. “I know when to lie in the grass in wait.” 

Rolling my eyes, I shift back slightly. He’s incapable of being less dramatic than this. Still, I can’t imagine the effort it’s taking on his part to not start an argument. Maybe this is why Jesper spent so long implying that there may be a Kaz and I in any capacity beyond a vague kind of friendship. “I’ll admit you’re tactful.”

“Resourceful people recognize that trait in other people.” 

Blinking twice, I lower my book slightly. Am I truly exhausted, or did he just compliment me in a way? “Careful, I may start to think you find me tolerable.” 

“Let’s not exaggerate.” Okay, now I know I’m exhausted because I think he might have just attempted a joke. Rolling my eyes, I decide not to acknowledge this lightness in fear that I’ll scare it away. “Y/n?” 

I press my lips together, worried about the destruction of our peace. “Yes?” 

“What did Jesper say to you? Earlier?” I pause, slightly unsure why we’re moving backwards. 

We’re in a decent place now, and I’d hate to ruin it. I’m too half asleep to lie eloquently. And it’s not like he’s an easily convinced man. “Oh, he said it so cryptically it took me longer than it should have to understand. And it didn’t help that it was something so...well, you might find it funny. As funny as you find anything, anyways.” Wow...I’ve spent such a long time talking. Rubbing the back of my eyes, I avoid his gaze. Exhaustion and awkwardness mix in my stomach oddly. “It seemed like he was trying to imply that you and I...me and you...” Why is this a difficult thing to say? It’s not like I was implying it and Jesper’s known for his oddness. “I think Jesper was implying that there was a you and I, or at least that there could be.” I’m too lost in a haze of almost sleep to watch his reaction. I let my head rest against my headboard even further. “Isn’t that odd?” 

He’s quiet for a long second, and then he finally speaks again. “Odd, even for Jesper.” The response doesn’t satiate me...what’s that about? I exhale, deciding that feeling is tomorrow’s problem. When I blink, I decide to let my eyes stay closed. Just for a moment. The sound of something shifting is what makes my eyes squint open. Kaz is standing, his expression unreadable as he straightens. “Goodnight, y/n.” 

At that, I sit up slightly, ignoring the exhaustion behind my eyes. “I haven’t finished the chapter.” 

“You’ve convinced me of enough.” A concession? How exhausted do I seem? My lips press together as I think of my next argument. Before I can get it out, Kaz leans forward. He grabs the quilt at the end of my bed and tosses it onto my legs casually. “Goodnight, y/n.” The meaning of his repetition is clear. His word is final. 

I find enough energy to manage a glare, but I pull the quilt over my legs anyways. “Goodnight, Kaz.”

[bangtangalicious]

death valley (m) | part 4

summary: welcome to death valley. once you’re in, there’s no telling whether you’ll make it out alive. a summer internship turns wild with blurry nights of dangerous men, dirty money, and extremely hot sex. you soon get caught in a savage game of greed, power and obsession, only to find out that you are the grand prize

pairing: ot7 x f.reader smut ft: jungkook x reader, namjoon x reader, yoongi x reader (ABOUT DAMN TIME)

genre: smut. yandere. mystery. thriller. gang!au rockstar!au fightclub!au

wordcount: 8k

warnings: reader discretion is very much advised. multiple & explicit smut scenes, rough sex, yandere behaviors, sex while intoxicated, oral sex (f and m), machoism/pain kink, manipulation, fighting, blood, masterbation, you’ll either fall in love with this yoongi or hate his guts there’s no in between, breath play, branding, choking, borderline abusive behavior, voyeurism, reader is a MESS, HEAVY DRUG USE, character injuries

a/n: im sorry for this lol, had to balance out the yoongi fluff. we’re getting into the more yandere/edgy side of this story so, be careful and dont read if it makes you uncomfortable 

part 0 | part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6 | part 7 | part 8 | part 9 | part 10 | finale (lite) | finale (dark) part 11 | part 12 | part 13 | series navi | masterlist |

Taehyung had been at the hospital all night, catering to Jimin’s every need. As in, making sure his enemies stayed the fuck away from him while he was down, and ensuring that business went about smoothly. He had a knack for these things after all, and he really did love his work. Even if it did seem immoral, Taehyung felt that there was nothing wrong with what he did. People had needs, he had a product to fulfill them. Maybe some people got hurt along the way but every business was like that.

He knew you would be coming at some point, and he was excited to see you. You had looked incredible last night, the image burned into his mind. But you wouldn’t be coming to see him, no, you would be coming for Jimin.

Jimin had told Taehyung that he was going to try to be better to you. Deep down he didn’t think Jimin was capable of that, but as he returned to the hospital room, seeing you looking so worried had him thinking otherwise. He had advised Jimin on the roses and candles thinking that you would hate it. 

You were on the phone when he arrived, standing in the corner and whispering away. Standing on the other side of the room was a man who Taehyung was familiar with, but he knew that the same was not true the other way around. “You must be Hoseok” He reached a hand out and Hobi shook it politely, “I am a friend of Jimin’s. He speaks very highly of your work. My name is Taehyung.”

Hobi smiled, always loving compliments. “Hi, nice to meet you too. It’s so terrible what happened to him” Hobi tried to pull his hand away but Taehyung tightened his grip, causing his face to drop into a confused frown. He then released him, giggling slightly. 

“Honestly it was bound to happen at some point” Taehyung chuckled. “But you know, the police are saying it probably wasn’t an accident. It was intentional” He grinned widely and looked dead into Hobi’s eyes. 

Hobi blinked back at him, “That’s terrible, why would anyone...” Taehyung burst into a fit of laughter, causing Hobi to shift uncomfortably. 

“I’m just kidding” Taehyung pat his back playfully. You ended your call, coming to meet the two boys. You hugged Taehyung tightly, burying your face into his chest, unable to see the way Hobi’s eyes flashed with irritation. 

“How is he?” You asked, looking up at him. Taehyung simply shrugged, quickly glancing down to check his watch.

“Not great. Doctor’s say he will live, in fact he should be conscious by the end of the day, but they still have to run tests to see if he got any brain damage. Obviously he can afford the best care out there so I’m not too worried about it”

You nodded, glancing back at Jimin one last time, “Well, I better head home. Call me if you need anything?” You squeezed Taehyung’s arm affectionately as he nodded.

“You too. Don’t worry too much” You smiled at him, waving awkwardly to Hobi as you left. You wondered what you would spend the day doing. You figured you could just spend the day with Jungkook and Namjoon, they knew the area better than you did. You unlocked your door and stepped in. Your blood ran cold.

Everything was ruined. The place was an absolute mess--television shattered, chairs thrown around, as if a hurricane had flown through. Your breathing quickened as you looked around frantically.

“Jungkook?” You had made it home too late last night to check on him, and even this morning you weren’t entirely certain you had seen him. You assumed he was still asleep. But now the boy was no where to be seen. Did he do this?

You stepped into your apartment, careful with your footwork, not wanting to step on the scraps of broken furniture that scattered across your floor. A crumbled sheet of paper was on the remnants of your kitchen counter.

Moved out. Sorry. Be safe. - JK

The paper dropped from your hand as you were too shocked and confused to even comprehend his words. Where do I go? You fumbled in your purse for your phone, scrolling to your contacts. Jin. Jin. Jin. You dialed his number, only to get him at voicemail. Fuck okay. Then who? You quickly left your apartment, taking care to really lock the door.

You were embarrassed to say the least as you found yourself yet again at Yoongi’s doorstep. That’s what you get for letting a shady drug dealer stay with you. Yoongi opened the door, looking not so much surprised as expectant. 

“You have the day off Y/n” He said in place of a greeting.

“No I know, and I don’t mean to bother you on your day off...” Yoongi waved away your concerns, allowing you to step inside. He shut the door, locking it with a click, so soft you thought you may have imagined it. You continued to explain, “My place got robbed. I sorta had a roommate and I guess he moved out...and now the place is trashed” Yoongi raised his eyebrows.

“Always something interesting happening to you” He almost laughed. You nodded sheepishly, “You’re welcome to stay here as long as you’d like, I don’t really have any plans for the day.” You thanked him eagerly, following him into his kitchen. “Do you think it was your roommate? Who trashed your apartment?” You were surprised at his interest. You assumed he would have just ignored you after letting you in. 

“I guess it could be. I don’t think he is a bad person but I guess a lot of evidence is pointing otherwise.” Yoongi nodded, seemingly deep in thought. “I’ll let the police know, hopefully they will figure it out.” You noticed the soft tapping of his fingers on the counter, fingers that were now much closer to your own than they were a second ago. You met his eyes briefly before focusing back on the way you fingers slightly stretched out, seeking his touch. He pulled his hand away quickly.

“Would you like to do something?” He asked, speaking confidently but nerves evident in the way his voiced wavered “I was going to just play around in my home studio all day but if there’s something else..” You shook your head.

“If it’s okay with you, that sounds great”

Maybe the universe had decided to take pity on you. About damn time. Yoongi welcomed you into his private studio--he had two in his home, but the other was locked up. He said he just kept old instruments in there now.

He brought out his guitar and began strumming along. You sat by his side, watching in awe as his fingers effortlessly played out beautiful progressions. “I heard you used to be Jimin’s fan” Yoongi stated. You blushed.

“Oh yeah. I was obsessed. Would go to every single one of his shows, hung out with his band and staff. I was a total groupie. He’s met me he just doesn’t remember it” You sighed ironically, “I mean why would he”

“You’re hard to forget” Yoongi stated, bringing an even deeper flush to your face. His words were flirtatious, but his voice steady. He played a few more chords, “I’ve known Jimin for a very...very long time. I’m surprised he’s so interested in you. You’re not really his usual type” He squints at you, “Really makes me wonder why. Who are you Y/n?” He sets his guitar aside, handing it to you. “You try”

It had been a while since you played guitar. You recalled learning a few things back in the day when you would wait backstage of Jimin’s performances. You nervously began to strum, watching as Yoongi nodded in approval. He knelt down next to you, wrapping his hand around yours, on the neck of the instrument. His fingers matched yours, guiding them into different positions, while his other hand remained on the small of your back. “There you go. Perfect” He glanced at your face, brows furrowed in focus “Just perfect”

He shifted, taking a seat behind as he wrapped his other arm around you, over yours landing on the strings. With his chin on your shoulder, he guided your hands into playing fun upbeat riff. You giggled as he got into a rhythm, letting him puppet your fingers beneath his. He smelled like heaven--clean like sheets of fresh linen. The heat of his body radiated through you, and you felt your heart beat faster and faster. Yoongi was humming softly to himself along with the music. 

His hands came to a still, and the whole world seemed to freeze around you. All you could hear was the numbing pounds of your own heart. Your voice in your head begging it to quiet down. He didn’t move. You didn’t move.

“Y/n” His lips were so incredibly close to your neck it had you shivering. You let out a gasp, wanting to reel it back as soon as it left you because Yoongi then moved away from you instantly. 

You didn’t even wanna know how flustered you must have looked, but Yoongi seemed unfazed. 

You had made plans to meet Jin later that afternoon, informing Yoongi that you would return in a few hours. He kindly offered to drive you where you needed to go and you agreed. 

After all, how could you refuse such a sweet guy.

-

Jin’s knee bounced rapidly as he waited for you in the parking lot of a nearby strip mall. He wondered if the man from earlier may have kidnapped you or something, he shuddered recalling the words we’ll deliver her right to you.

He saw a glimpse of your face, smiling as you chatted with the man driving you. Jin’s entire body froze with fear. It’s him. He met the man’s eyes briefly as you stepped out of the car. The man smirked at him, bringing a finger to his lips, before then making a finger gun and pointing it at you, reminding Jin what was at stake. He slightly nodded his head as you entered his passenger seat, and the man drove away, satisfied. 

You turned as much as you could to face him. You noticed the lack of color in his face right away. “Who was that?” His voice was weak. You scrunched your eyebrows.

“Are you for real? You’re chasing down Jimin and you don’t know Yoongi? They’re pretty close...he’s his producer. He’s my boss too. My place got robbed and I have to stay with him for a bit. I tried calling you but you didn’t answer”

“Uh yeah...sorry about that” Jin cleared his throat, “Anyways, I looked into what you told me so far. I wanted to go over some details with you” You nodded, “You’re saying that it is possible that Jung Hoseok kidnapped you and Namjoon. Can I know where or who was the source of the pills you took that evening?”

Your eyes widened. You hadn’t even thought of that, “Oh...Namjoon brought them but Jungkook gave them to him”

Jin stroked his chin in thought, “Right. I figured. And do you know where Jimin was when all this happened?” You shook your head again.

“What about Kim Taehyung? He’s his friend, and a gangster. He found cameras in my apartment that apparently Jungkook put in my place” 

Jin paused for a moment, “Wow... You’re in deep. Do you think it was possible that Jungkook kidnapped you guys?”

“No, he’s the one who found them”

“So he says” Jin shrugged, pulling out his phone to type in some notes.

“I really doubt it was Jungkook. He’s Namjoon’s friend”

“Friends don’t drug friends, putting them in near death situations” Jin stated blandly. You felt squeamish. “Plus he randomly moved in with you? That’s suspicious. And Jungkook also wasn’t at Jimin’s little soiree when the accident happened?” You nodded, “Who was there?”

“Taehyung...and Yoongi” Jin raised his eyebrows.

“Yoongi was at the party? Really? Huh” He bit his lip, “But Yoongi drives a black cadillac? And so does Namjoon?”

“Namjoon also hates Jimin, he thinks Jimin made him lose and I think he might also be jealous of him. Jimin has never seemed to care much about Namjoon either way though” You mentioned, “But whoever kidnapped us didn’t like Namjoon because they beat him up pretty bad”

“Does anyone have a reason not to like Namjoon?” You laughed at the question.

“I mean I don’t think so, but” You gulped, “Hobi might have...been jealous. Or or or!” A thought came to you, “He’s in the Death Valley gang right? Maybe they were like punishing him for not beating you?”

Jin considered your idea. “And does anyone have a reason not to like Jimin...besides Namjoon?” You shook your head.

“Maybe Hobi again, if he was jealous but he didn’t know that I..” You trailed off.

“That you were sleeping with Jimin?” Jin grinned, before setting his phone down and letting out a deep sigh. “Wow well...this is a lot to work with. While Jimin is out of commission, I think it would be wise to go after Jungkook. The lower workers of gangs often have a lot of contacts and information. Tell me Y/n,” He placed a hand on your knee, “Would you be willing to do something for me?”

It was a simple request. Jin needed you to find out a location. The place where he suspected that the King as he began to refer to him as, might be found. The place the drugs were being made and distributed. You were to manipulate Jungkook and have him take you there, and then tell Jin where the action was taking place.

You had no idea where Jungkook was though, so you called Namjoon. Namjoon texted you an address, and Jin dropped you there. It was a ways out from the city, which made you a bit nervous. You arrived at what seemed to be a mansion. "Take this” Jin handed you a small bug, “To record him in case. Call if you need me okay. I’ll make sure you’re always safe, I promise” You nodded, thanking him before heading into the house.

You rang the doorbell, feeling greatly underdressed for a place of this grandeur, in nothing but a graphic tee you borrowed from Yoongi and your shorts. Jungkook answered, freezing upon seeing you--eyes wide. He’s still so fucking cute. Even if he probably is really dangerous.

“You shouldn’t be here” Jungkook stammered, diverting his eyes from yours. He twiddled his fingers as you scoffed.

“What the hell happened to my apartment? Why did you move out?” Jungkook sighed, stepping back so you could walk inside. The house was insane--a modern crystal chandelier adorned the ceiling between two long sets of stairs. The walls were a cool grey. “Do you live here?” He nodded.

“Yeah uh...job pays well” He gave your a sheepish smile. You gaped at him, as he led you to one of many sitting rooms. “You look good” You took a seat in front of him.

Do whatever you need to do. I’ll keep you safe. Jin’s words came back to you. How can I get him to take me there? “Look, I don’t care what you did...how could you leave me without saying goodbye?” You blinked at him innocently. “I really like you, and I liked living with you. I trusted you”

“I didn’t want to baby” He bent down to kiss your knees, hand stroking your legs. “Of course I didn’t want to leave. I had to, to protect Namjoon. They were gonna kill him if I didn’t leave you alone. Y/n I’m...not someone you should be around. I’m a bad guy. I do bad things.” 

“Let me decide that for myself. Show me who you really are. I’m not afraid of you” Total lie. You were scared shitless. But as the boy’s wavering eyes looked up at you, you pitied him. It must be lonely doing what he does. All this money, but no one to share it with. Dangerous...but still human.

And so you convinced him. Using your charms and exploiting the fact that a guy like him was young at lonely at heart. You didn’t feel great about it, but you knew it had to be done. To your surprise, he brought you to Death Valley.

The bar was closed--it was far too early. But Jungkook went around to the back. You followed him as he lead you through an entrance. It didn’t go into the main place, but instead you found yourself at an elevator. He held your hand tightly as he pressed in a keycode to activate the elevator. 

“This is where the magic happens” He speaks confidently, and you can tell he feels comfortable in this place. The doors slide open to reveal a clandestine drug lab. There were beakers, pressure canisters, all sorts of machinery lined up along the walls. In the back you could see a garden of what you assumed was weed. It was a fairly large space, you assumed it was the whole basement of Death Valley. 

“Wow” Jungkook bent down to shuffle through some things until he pulled out a duffel bag, unzipping it to reveal stacks of cash. You had never seen so much money in your life.

“This isn’t even a dent of what we get” He says, taking a wad and handing it to you, “Smell it. It’s fun” You took the money, flipping through it and inhaling the scent of richness. For a moment you wondered what would happen if you just kept it, but you knew Jungkook could easily destroy you if he needed to. Best not to play around. You handed the money back.

You paced around the lab, looking at things with great interest. “Hey Y/n” You turned to see Jungkook holding up a small ziplock with what looked like syringes. “You wanna? On the house” He winked shyly.

“Sure”

You followed Jungkook back to his car, sliding into the backseat so that he could administer the drugs to you properly. This is the same guy who almost killed your friend. What the fuck are you doing right now? Your mind was already in shambles. Whether it was the guilt of manipulating Jungkook, the stress of being in the situation you were in, or the strong desire you had to just go wild and forget about your idol being unconscious and your home being trashed.

You watched as Jungkook injected the liquid into your forearm, kissing the skin after tossing the syringe aside. He proceeded to inject himself and you felt comforted that he was accompanying you. “Don’t worry. This isn’t too strong” 

He was probably talking to you but you felt a wave of serenity take over you making the world around you go quiet. Lost in thought, you began to smile. In a way, you felt elated. Your life was amazing. What were you worried about? Looking at the attractive man who was smiling like a puppy, so eager to please you, you couldn’t remember why you had been so stressed out. 

You wanted to give him everything. He deserved everything. “Jungkook” You mumbled, throwing your body onto his and pushing him back. He wrapped his arms around you, holding you tight. You inhaled him, he was sweating slightly, likely nervous while showing you the lab. You shut your eyes and allowed yourself to simply feel the way his chest was rising and falling underneath yours. He began to fondle your ass. 

“You know. I thought living with you would mean I would get to fuck you more often” Jungkook smiled widely. You sat up. Your sex life had felt so dramatic lately, you frowned thinking back to Jimin’s little show. That wasn’t you--you wanted to have fun. You wanted to go insane. Jungkook was perfect--Jungkook was everything. You could fuck him over and over again any way you wanted. Why did you ever doubt that?

"Fuck me. Fuck me hard” You pleaded, rolling your hips into him slightly. Jungkook’s eyes flashed.

“Yeah?” He sat up, pushing you off of him, “Get fucking naked and bend over you slut” You melted at the word. Excitement soared through you as the two of you stripped down to nothing, Jungkook not missing a beat to harshly grab your breasts as you got into position.

“I want it hard. Really hard.” You begged. Jungkook nodded. “Slap me, pull my hair, use me, I don’t care I just need it. Now” Your whining was turning him on. He had never seen you like this. 

“Anything you want baby” He smacked your ass, watching the skin jiggle before he made his way behind you, bent over your frame as you gripped the edge of the carseat. His head brushed against the top of the car--it was far from comfortable. He slid his hands under your arms and pinched your nipples tightly, then proceeded to slide his hands up to your neck. “Is this okay?”

“Shut up” You snapped, “You’re a bad guy aren’t you Kook? Show me. Be bad. Destroy me please” He trembled slightly. You feel him stroke his cock, his hand brushing up against the bottom of your stomach as he pressed his lips onto the back of your shoulder. He pulled your hair, causing you to groan in pleasure. The pain. The pain was so good.

What were you doing? Did you miss Jimin? You were guilty. He was in the hospital because of you wasn’t he. Thoughts ran rampant in your mind as Jungkook guided his cock inside of you. 

“So...fucking” He pushed deep into you, “Tight...fuck” He exhaled heavily, hugging himself onto your back.

“Fuck me Jungkook. Fuck me like a toy” Jungkook’s eyes rolled back as he pulled out of you, thrusting back with full force. The car creaked at the pressure.

“Just like that, please...please” You begged desperately, prompting Jungkook to piston in and out of you like he never had before. He clawed at your shoulders, digging his nails into you as you screamed out his name.

“You’re so fucking hot holy shit” He whined, eyes glued to the way his cock sunk into you. He smacked your ass, “Such a fucking slut” 

“Yes I wanna be a slut. I wanna be your slut” You cried out, burying your head into the seat. He slapped you again before gripping your hips and pulling you back onto him. Your head kept hitting the seat over and over again. “More...MORE” You growled. Jungkook tried to go faster but he physically couldn’t. He didn’t want to rush. He wanted to enjoy this. But you were losing your mind. You wanted to pass out. You wanted to disappear. 

Jungkook nipped at your ear, “God I missed your pussy, so fucking good for me, takes me so fucking well” He was close, but he wanted you to come. He reached his hand down to your clit and began to rub you rapidly.

You tilted your head back in pleasure as the feeling of his large fingers on your clit drove you into a frenzy. Seeing you so fucked out turned him on even more, and he came quickly, shamelessly, deep inside you. You  tumbled down, but Jungkook continued to touch you, soon throwing your legs over his shoulders and pushing his tongue deep inside you.

You closed your thighs onto his head, pulling his hair as you continued to scream. “God yes...fuck...fuck” You looked out the window briefly. Your eyes landed on a car that had parked next to the two of you. 

You squinted as Jungkook continued to eat you out, soon recognizing Jin’s handsome face. He watched intently, his eyes shot with lust. You moaned, not breaking eye contact with Jin for a second as Jungkook lapped away at your juices.

“I’m...I’m” You bit your lip and your hips jerked forward. You squirted all over Jungkook’s face, screaming at the top of your lungs. Jungkook caught you in an embrace as you fell back with exhaustion, almost falling off the seats.

Jungkook stroked you affectionately, kissing you softly and mumbling apologies to your body for his roughness. You heard a tap on the window. Jungkook jumped as he saw Jin, covering you immediately. He rolled down the window.

“If you guys are finished, I can drop her home” He smiled charmingly. You laughed. Everything slowed. Somehow Jin and Jungkook had gotten you back into your clothes and into his car. Somehow Jin had put up with you--a mess of laughing fits as he returned to your apartment. Somehow you found your way back home. 

-

You giggled, tumbling into the hallway before you pulled your way to Yoongi’s door. You had no idea what time it must have been, but hopefully he was asleep. You fumbled with the lock, unable to correctly insert the key with how your eyes were rendered useless. You tripped over your own feet, falling with a soft thud onto the carpeted hall. 

The door opened, and you looked up, squinting to see Yoongi. You expected that he would look annoyed, but no--this man looked furious. Nevertheless he took a deep breath and crouched down to you, taking your hands in his own.

“Come on” He urged as he carefully helped you stand. You shifted your weight, throwing your arms over his shoulders as you latched on for dear life. Yoongi’s touch was tender, not at all manhandling you. He led you to the kitchen and helped you onto a stool before turning the facet on to get you some water. He handed you a glass but you simply blinked, mind numb but seriously wondering how exactly Yoongi had managed to turn upside down. 

He sighed and pushed the glass to your lips, softly pulling your head back to allow you to drink the cool liquid. You drank a few sips before choking, Yoongi stopped, wiping your mouth with the bottom of his shirt. Unlucky for you that you missed a glimpse at his abs. Your head landed on his shoulder as you looked up at him, your eyes wide with confusion and fascination.

“Yoooooooongi” You drew out the vowel, attempting to be cute when you looked anything but. “You” You tapped his chest as he raised his eyebrows at you “Youuuu are Yooooongi.” You burst into a fit of giggles, almost falling back before you feel Yoongi’s chest against your back, preventing you from tipping over. He grips your shoulders softly.

“Yes, I am Yoongi” He speaks to you straightforwardly, as if you were perfectly sane and make a perfectly sane statement. He steadied your balance before going over the his refrigerator. The cold air washed over him as he scanned for something to feed you and help you through the state you were in. 

Yoongi wasn’t the best at taking care of himself--besides the Red Bulls and various types of fruits in his possession, he didn’t have much else to offer you. He sighed before slamming the fridge shut and moving instead to search his cabinets. His eyes zero in on a pack of ramen noodles. 

He quickly begins to boil some water, preparing the quick dish for you as you began to mumble incoherently. “Yooooooongi. You are Yoooongi. Mr. Min Yooooongi” 

Yoongi hummed his agreement in response, as he dropped in the noodle pack and spices, stirring the pot. He turned back to face you as the meal cooked, leaning forward against the counter. You smiled lazily at him.

“You’re hot” You puckered your lips at him and blew him air kisses “I wanna kiss you Mr. Min Yoongi MWAH”

The edge of his lips curved into a smirk, he looked from your eyes down your body and back up, shaking his head in amusement. He turned back around to stir the noodles. They looked about done. He grabbed a bowl and poured them out, taking a pair of chopsticks and stirring the soupy dish around. He came to your side, lifting up some noodle with the chopsticks and blowing at it furiously, trying to lessen the heat so he could get the food into you as quickly as possible. 

“Open up” He brought the bowl to your face to feed you. Your lips parted, allowing him to push the steaming noodles in. You slurped as he retracted his hand, getting ready with another bite. This went on, and he slowly fed you not minding how sloppily you took the food.

“That’s yummy” You remarked. Yoongi set down the bowl before bringing his hand to your face. He wiped off the stains that had formed all over the edges of your lips with his thumb, letting his finger roll over the plump skin before pushing his finger into your mouth. Your tongue wrapped around his thumb. You looked at him with large eyes as he attempted to remove his finger only for you to grab his wrist and keep him where he was. 

Yoongi gulped as you took hold of his hand and continued to suck his thumb, mimicking a certain obscenity that had his eyes darkening. He trembled slightly.

“Y/n” His voice was reprimanding, and you released his thumb reluctantly, your lips smacking as he drew away from you. He stared down at his hand, thumb covered in your saliva. He chuckled slightly before looking back at you, running the side of his thumb over his lips, wiping you off of his own tongue.

You didn’t realize you had moaned at the gesture, but Yoongi definitely had. He moved in closer to you, standing between your legs and gliding his fingers oh so softly over your tingling skin. You felt shy suddenly, looking away.

Yoongi just watched you, smiling to himself as you unraveled in blushes under his gaze. You felt overwhelmed. How could he do this all simply by looking at you?

He didn’t dare step any closer, but continued to run his fingers up and down your skin, leaving a burning trail wherever they touched. You squirmed, grabbing his hands and pressing them to lie flat against your thighs. Yoongi gave you an innocently confused look.

“You’re teasing me” You pouted. Yoongi shook his head.

“I’m not doing anything my love” He pulled his hands back, “Not yet” He reached into a drawer and pulled out a bottle of pills, emptying one into his hand. He took the pill and slid it into your mouth, you gulped it down.

“Good girl. That’ll help you get some sleep” Yoongi stroked your hair, “Come on, you can sleep on my bed tonight” You nodded excitedly. Yoongi turned, motioning for you to hop onto his back, which you were more than eager to do. His hands cupped the underside of your thighs as he lifted you off the stool and towards his room, dropping you off carefully on his bed.

“Let’s get you changed” He muttered, “Can you change by yourself love?” He dropped to his knees in front of you. You attempted to sit up, shaking your head. He took a deep breath, letting his eyes close and gathering himself before he then reached to unbutton your shorts.

He tried to look away as he pulled them off your body, you legs rising to help him. He tossed them aside as you laid back down on the mattress.

“Wait” Yoongi pursed his lips, as you let your eyes flutter close. He straddled you carefully, making sure not to touch you any more than he had to. He stared at your chest, wondering how to take off the black tank top you had on. Wondering if you even were wearing anything under it because he had a feeling you weren’t. 

He let his fingers slide under the thin straps, tugging them down as they revealed the tops of your breasts. He gulped, furrowing his brows. “Come on it’s nothing you haven’t already seen” He mumbled softly to himself before yanking the straps down completely to your wrists, you breasts popping out of their constraints. 

He could feel his pants tightening as he wrestled the top off of you. He jumped off of you quickly, clutching his rapidly beating heart and panting heavily. “Fuck” He glanced back at you, now topless in nothing but your panties.

His whole body was shaking, trying to convince himself to stop looking but you were too angelic. Your body seemed to call his name. He bit down on his lip, clenching his fists and digging his nails in. In a burst of self control he quickly pulled his own shirt off and pulled it over your unsuspecting head. Finally you were covered.

Yoongi’s cock was throbbing, the image of your body so clear in his mind. He let out a shaky breath. He dropped back down to his knees, looking at the way your legs were ever so slightly spread still. He leaned his face in closer, closing his eyes as his nose brushed against the insides of your thighs, not daring to get too close. 

He inhaled sharply, reaching his hand down to slide down his pajamas, his cock popping out, eager and ready. He gulped as he began stroking himself, careful to not move too much, careful to keep his eyes closed. He wouldn’t want to take advantage of you, not like this. As his hand began pumping himself furiously, he couldn’t help the painful cries that left his trembling lips. 

He pulled his face away, opening his eyes to look at your blissfully sleeping state. “Fuck” He spit into his hand quickly before continuing to glide his firm grip over his cock.

His mind was in shambles. This is wrong. Stop it. Yoongi scolded himself. Your kind sleeping eyes seemed to coo him in comfort. It’s okay. She’s fine.

No. This is wrong. Yoongi screamed internally. But she wants me. She said that didn’t she? She’s barely conscious you fucking sicko. 

Yoongi let out a loud whine before quickly running into the bathroom, trying to save your decency and his own, but finding release quickly in the privacy of his own space. 

Maybe you were even now. He just did that, and you had pissed him off by coming home high out of your mind, and so late. Yeah. Yeah that’s fair. 

He returned to tuck you into the covers before he himself slid into the bed next to you. He turned off the lights, rolling over to find some rest of his own. It’s entirely possible that he was conscious as he pressed up against you, carefully pulling you into a soft embrace. How could he know? It was impossible to see after all. 

The next morning you knew you were in for it, as you waddled into the kitchen, still sore from last nights...endeavors. Yoongi seemed to be wiping something off of his kitchen knife. He set down the utensil and gave you a stern look.

“I--” You began but Yoongi set his hand up. “Where the hell were you last night?” His voice frightened you. He was pissed, jaw clenched as he made his way over to you, “Answer me right now!” He growled. “Who were you with huh? Were you at Death Valley?” You didn’t answer, too astounded by his fuming rage. He grabbed your shoulders and gripped them firmly, shaking you.

“Yoongi you’re hurting me” You squeaked out, only causing him to tighten his grip. “Fuck you, I don’t have to tell you anything! You’re not my boyfriend. You don’t own me.” You laughed darkly. Yoongi pushed you back against the wall, caging your head between his forearms. He was so so close to you, you felt his whole body against yours.

Your eyes shifted from his lips back to him, crossing pathways with his gaze to see his eyelids flutter. His lips parted ever so slightly, and you clenched your hand into a fist, waiting. He leans in, and so do you. You could almost taste him. Your knees went weak, and you felt a surge of heat within you. Please.

He hesitated, and you felt like he was about to pull away. You quickly grabbed his collar and slid your lips onto his, kissing him softly. You melted into him. He tasted as sweet as you had hoped, if not sweeter. Your hands trembled as you felt yourself getting lost in the feeling of him. Something...something so beautiful flew through your veins. You wanted to feel everything he had to give you, and you wanted him to feel everything you had to give him too. It was unlike anything you had ever experienced. 

Yoongi backed away with a start, leaving you panting heavily. You searched his eyes for a reaction, heart dropping when you saw none. Until he cupped your chin and brought his lips back on you. He deepened the kiss, hands traveling down your sides. He pressed his hips into you as your arms wrapped around his neck, clenching his hair. 

He took a deep breath, looking at you with hooded eyes. “Turn around” And you obeyed. He tore your clothes off harshly, not caring as the fabric would yank against you. Once you were naked, you heard him shuffle around. It sounded like he was grabbing something.

Suddenly you felt something incredibly hot against your neck. Yoongi pushed your hair away and your eyes widened as you realized what he was doing. He slowly traced something and you screamed. He was branding you. 

He blew at your neck, attempting to ease the burn as he continued to slowly carve letters on the back of your neck. You didn’t stop him. You didn’t want to stop him. You sobbed at the pain, but you felt yourself getting wetter by the second, craving him more and more. 

“Yoongi” You cried, hearing him shush you. Finally the burn stopped, leaving only the searing after pain of the letters burned into your skin. He appeared to rub some sort of cream over, providing some cooling relief. You groaned, the numbness feeling so good after the scorching heat. He brought his lips over the scar. 

“Look at me” He grabbed your jaw and turned you back towards him. He too was now undressed. You saw that he had set a lighter and a branding iron on his table. He grasped your neck, “I love you”

Your vision went hazy but you nodded, unsure if you had actually heard him say it or if you were imagining things. He took your breast into his mouth, biting harshly as you yelped out. He loved hearing you cry, it drove him wild. He continued to suckle you as he smacked your throbbing pussy.

“Fuck” You winced as he began to bite down and bruise your breasts. The pain overwhelmed you, you almost felt limp, but Yoongi held you up. You sank into him, exhausted already but Yoongi was just getting started. 

Was this a dream? He helped you down onto the floor, laying you on your back. He climbed over your practically lifeless body, trailing kisses up until he found your lips again.

“Yoongi” You sighed blissfully as he sucked on your lips. He moved to kissing your neck, biting down as you squirm. He traced a finger against you cunt and without warning he shoved it in. “Yoongi!” You screamed at his force. He was absolutely ruthless. He pumped his fingers quickly, adding another. You shut your eyes, focusing on the sound of your soaked walls. “It hurts. Yoongi it hurts” You choked, tears building in your eyes. 

“I know baby. But you hurt me too. It’s only fair” He kissed you tenderly, “I love you so much. Next time it won’t hurt so much I promise” You were convinced that you were either asleep or hallucinating. 

“Fuck me” You gasped as he dug his fingers deep inside you, “Just fuck me please” He let out a heavy sigh, removing his fingers from inside you before shoving them in your mouth. 

“Not yet my love. Soon. But not yet” You coughed, unable to breathe. Yoongi removed his hand, covering his lips with yours one last time before slapping you clean across the face. You were out like a light. It’s a dream. It has to be.

-

The fight was today. It was all Namjoon could talk about at work. He asked you to come early to be with him while he warmed up, and you agreed, hoping that you would be able to keep an eye on him and make sure nothing sketchy was going on in the process. 

During your lunch break, Jin picked you up and drove you somewhere hidden so you could update him on things. 

“So death valley is the heart of all this huh?” He chuckled, “Listen, I didn’t tell you this earlier but...someone threatened me, and I have to throw the fight otherwise they’re gonna kill you.”

“Jin--” You started. You didn’t want anyone to get hurt because of you.

“Not even a question, I’m not gonna let anything happen to you. I swear. I’ll lose, and then I’m gonna sneak down to the lab and see if I can find him. I’m assuming he will be collecting and storing the money he will win.”

“A...are you sure? Namjoon could really hurt you. He really wants to” You stated, chuckling bitterly. Jin squeezed your hand.

“This is my job. My fight. Literally. Just trust me, you’re gonna be safe”

You arrived to the arena early. It was empty, aside from a few staff members who appeared to be cleaning the place up. You made your way to the back doors, feeling a sense of dread as you walked along the familiar hallways that brought you into this mess in the first place.

“Namjoon?” You knew he was around there somewhere. You could hear the sound of a punching bag somewhere, following it until you arrived at a room. Namjoon was warming up, headphones over his ears blasting music. You smiled inwardly as you recognized the song. You walked in, causing Namjoon to finally notice your presence. He slide off his headphones, wiping his forehead off with the towel around his neck.

“Hey” He made his way to you, giving you a quick embrace. He was covered in sweat, you could tell he had been practicing for a while. “Thanks for coming. Being around you eases my nerves”

“Of course. You’re gonna do great okay”

Namjoon shook his head, “Y/n, this is it. If it win this fight I’m gonna be set. I can quit this for good. I can leave the gang I can go back and focus on my music again. I will. I promise you this.” You smiled fondly at his excitement, “But if I lose...I can’t...I can’t lose” You touched his arm.

“Namjoon. Look at me. You’re gonna do great okay, I believe in you” Namjoon grabbed your face and pulled you into a kiss, you almost screamed out in surprise. “Joon what the fuck?” He didn’t relent, holding you firmly against him as he kissed you long and hard. You could hear him whine softly through his kisses. He’s just nervous. I should help him out. You let your hand find the waistline of his shorts, tugging them down so you could palm his cock.

“Y/n...fuck” He groaned as you brought out his cock and began stroking it slowly, looking him in the eye. You left a trail of kisses down his chest, and he watched as you playfully licked his nipples a few times before lowering onto your knees.

“Poor baby” You mumbled as your lips covered his yearning tip. “My big strong little boy” Namjoon’s knees wobbled, “Let me help you baby” You ran your tongue across his cock.

Namjoon was impatient. He put his hands into your hair and pushed himself down your throat. You gagged as he cried out in pleasure. He clenched your scalp harshly, nails digging into you. Pain soared as he pulled your head back and forth forcefully. You let him do it. He was stressed after all. 

“Your mouth feels so good” He cursed out as he began to rapidly thrust into you. You could barely breathe, saliva and his girth blocking your lungs. You could feel his cock twitch. It hurt...but seeing the bliss on his face made it worth it as he came quickly, shooting his hot load down your throat before releasing his grip on you. The movement was so sudden, your head fell back, neck straining with pain. You gasped for air, coughing everywhere. Your eyes were blurred with tears from pain. Namjoon didn’t notice, as he dressed himself back up and returned to warming up. You sat on the floor dazed.

You heard the door creak behind you, and turning to see it come to a close. Was someone watching? You laid back, feeling the cold concrete against your back, sighing deeply. You had a horrible...horrible feeling about this fight.

You found a seat in the arena after Namjoon left, ready to watch and support your friend. “Hey” Taehyung, as expected, climbed into the seat besides you, waving slightly, “Mind if I join you?”

You shook your head, “How is Jimin?”

Taehyung sighed and shrugged, “He’s awake now. Still waiting on test results but I took him back home. He’s resting. You should go see him when you can” You nodded, admiring the man next to you for how well he cared for his friend despite everything. 

The lights dimmed, focus landing on the ring in front of you. 

Namjoon came out, looking fierce and energized. You shouted proudly, cheering him on. Jin came out on the other side. You glanced at Taehyung who was simply watching carefully. 

The second the ref began the match, Namjoon pounced on Jin. He quickly dodged him. They went on, back and forth. The crowd was wilding. Namjoon landed a blow on Jin, sending him flying back. He quickly got back up, ducking under Namjoon to push him down.

Your heart was racing, unsure of who you should really be hoping walks out a winner. You wanted Namjoon to win so he would just stop. But seeing Jin get hurt wasn’t a pleasant thought either, especially since your life almost depended on him. 

“Yeah?” Taehyung answered a call, motioning to you that he would be right back. You continued to watch the fight, Namjoon grunted as he pummeled Jin with punches. Blood tricked from Jin’s lip, but he wiped it off.

Your stomach went queasy as you saw the expression on his face. You knew Jin was planning to lose, but in that moment you saw nothing but sheer fury in his eyes. He looked ready to kill. 

As if the universe heard your thoughts, Jin planted a fierce uppercut, sending Namjoon flying onto the ground. 

Your ears deafened as the cheers of the crowd faded against your pounding heart as Namjoon lay, knocked out completely. Blood leaked from his head. You looked around but Taehyung was nowhere to be seen.

Jin was declared the winner, but Namjoon didn’t stir. You felt faint. You tried to catch Jin’s attention, confused out of your mind at what you had just seen. 

“Y/n” You turned to see that Taehyung had returned. He also looked worried and simultaneously pissed. “Let’s go. Now” He grabbed your wrist and yanked you towards the exit, almost running as he pushed aside the crowd. 

“What’s going on? What are you doing?” You snapped at Taehyung as he practically threw you into a car. Another. Black. Cadillac?

“Shut up” He growled, “Or I’ll fucking make you” He hopped in the drivers seat and stepped on the gas.

“Wait! Where are you taking me? What about Namjoon? I have to see if he’s okay!” Taehyung ignored you, eyes glued to the road. “Taehyung stop the fucking car!” You shouted. 

“Relax...you’re gonna be just fine” A voice came from the backseat, and you whirled around. 

“My love”

ᐊ——[ previous ] series navi | masterlist | [ next ]——ᐅ

a/n: ooOOO. yoongi is a bad bad boy, but is he the bad bad boy??? ;) why did jin actually win the fight? was yoongi the one who threatened jin? (ok yes but why! he said he loves her!) the biggest prank--who hurt jimin! it couldnt have been tae or yoongi sooo

im like,,,trying to be subtle with the way i phrase things to give hints but idk if it actually comes across or if im just losing my mind. lmk lol

as always thanks for reading, have a great day and HAPPY BUTTER WEEK im sooo ready for this comeback. next update will be in a while, but its gonna be a sexxxxyyyy one:) (with less pain kink and like...literal abuse lol sorry about that uh...yeah) smut pairs up on the masterlist, stay tuneddd :))))

taglist: @imluckybitches @gee-nee @missseoulite @hcneybees @kooookie @queenmasterxx @crustycaitlin @virgo-and-libra @un2-verse @winter-melontea @equivocacies​ @infernal-alpaca @shrimpmsg @meowmeowyoongles @rjsmochii @liltangerined @littlrmills14-blog @issysor @arandomblackgirl @adoringinsanity @giadalin @jeontier @kaithezaftig @jinssexytoe @nonnis97@minyoongiboongi @happygirl62304 @just-me-and-myselfs @purplepebbles @channiespup

[ncssian]

A Favor: Part Seventeen

Nessian Modern AU

Masterlist

a/n: 70% of this fic is written on my phone lying on my side in bed while using swipe typing bc im too lazy to type out words and it shows

TW: discussion of SA

***

Nesta has an easier time adjusting to a third person in the cabin than she thought she would. Maybe it’s because Azriel indeed minds his business, and half the time Nesta isn’t aware he’s there at all.

Cassian seems to be more irritated by it than anyone else—not his brother, of course, but the fact that he and Nesta no longer exist in their own little bubble. Which is how he ends up at Nesta’s apartment with an overnight bag, sprawled out stomach-down on her mattress while she gets ready for bed.

“TV show or movie?” he asks, clicking through her laptop. Shows are Nesta’s thing and movies are Cassian’s; she feels generous enough tonight to say, “Movie.”

“Thank god,” he mutters, typing something on the laptop. “There’s a Turkish horror flick that I was saving for you.”

“Where do you even find these films?” Grabbing her hairbrush, she flops onto the bed beside him and starts brushing out her brassy locks. Before he can answer, Nesta’s phone buzzes from the stool she uses as a bedside table. Feyre’s name flashes on the screen.

Nesta frowns, but picks up without a second thought. “What is it?”

“Nothing serious,” her sister replies. “Just checking in.”

Before Cassian, Nesta didn’t very much understand the purpose of “checking in” without reason. Now she empathizes with Feyre a little. “I’m fine,” she says.

Deciding she can do better than that, she adds, “Cassian and I are about to start a movie.”

“Is it his choice? I’m so sorry for you.”

Nesta peeks over to where Cassian is still intently searching for his obscure movie and smiles a little. “I like Turkish horror,” she replies.

Cassian overhears and grins approvingly.

“Well, I’m looking at wedding dresses with Rhys so he can prepare for when he inevitably proposes,” Feyre says. “In case you wanted to know.”

Nesta did not particularly want to know, but she doesn’t say this. “Sounds fun. Is that it?”

“For what?”

“This conversation.”

Feyre sighs over the line. “Yes, I’ll let you go now. Thanks for picking up.”

The bar is in hell, Nesta thinks. Mostly because she put it there, but she still feels embarrassed to be congratulated over such small things. “Thanks for keeping it short.”

She’s about to hang up when she hears a male voice speak up in the background, and Feyre interrupts, “Wait—before you go, can you tell Cassian to call Rhys back? He wants Cass’s help picking a new team leader for the Italy project.”

Nesta has no idea what that is, but she says, “Sure, fine.” They say their goodbyes and hang up.

“What’d she want?” Cassian says without looking over at her.

“She said Rhys wants you to call him about the Italy project.”

Cassian turns toward her, half sitting up. “Really? What for?”

“Something about picking a team leader.” She returns to brushing her hair. “Why? What’s the Italy project?”

“Something I thought we put aside for good,” he grumbles. “It’s a year-long overseas project in Milan. Rhys thinks it’s gonna bring in a shit ton of money.”

“Sounds big. What do you have to do with it, though?” She’s never heard of Cassian being involved in Night Court’s international operations, even though he takes on more work than the usual employee.

Cassian shrugs, going back to movie searching. “He wanted me to be the one leading the team, and I guess he still feels petty about me turning him down. Honestly, choosing team leaders outside of my department isn’t even part of my jurisdiction.”

Nesta hesitates. “He offered you the job? When?” She didn’t know this.

“On New Year’s.”

“And you turned it down?”

“Yeah.” Cassian clicks on a link that looks like it’ll plant fifteen different viruses in Nesta’s laptop. “Found the movie,” he says.

“Why would you do that?” Nesta demands.

“The movie?”

“The job offer! Why would you turn down such a big opportunity without even telling me?”

Cassian laughs in confusion. “Are you angry right now?”

She’s astonished at his nonchalance. “Cassian,” she says. “It’s Italy.”

Italy with the art and history and seaside beauty—it’s on their top five places to see before they die.

“It’s Milan,” he says like there’s a difference, “and it’s an entire year away from you.” He shakes his head, sitting up to face her. “Are you out of your mind?”

She goes still. “Don’t tell me you said no because of me.”

“Of course I said no because of you.”

“It’s your dream job!” she bursts. “Traveling, exploring, being on your own—”

“Those are our dreams. I made those plans with you. The hell am I supposed to do all the way in Italy without you?”

“You sound codependent,” she retorts.

He narrows his brows. “Like you wouldn’t do the same thing in my position?”

He’s right, of course. Nesta would do the exact same thing for him. But Nesta and Cassian are not the same, and they both know it. “You can’t make that comparison,” she sighs.

“Why not?” he demands.

“Because—” She struggles to put it into words. “I would give up a long distance job for you because it would be worth it. You’re worth it. It doesn’t work the other way around.”

“Again: why the fuck not?”

So he’s really going to make her spell it out. “Because you’re a good boyfriend. You’re affectionate and caring, you always go the extra mile for those you love, and you come with all these free perks. It’s a great deal. And I’m not anything terrible, but I’m the bare minimum compared to you. Why would you give up Italy for the bare minimum?”

Cassian looks at her in disbelief. “I don’t even know how you can say so many wrong things in a row.”

“He’s blinded by love,” Nesta mutters to herself.

“First of all,” he holds up a finger, “I don’t know where you learned to compare yourself to me, but I don’t like it. You make it sound like I need to be paid back for every half-decent thing I do, and that is not the case at all.”

“Of course you think that,” she says. “You wouldn’t be a good person if you didn’t.”

“Then let me be a blunt person.” He puts a hand on her knee and looks her in the eye. “You will never be like me. Very few people are; you can’t take it personally.”

“Oh my god.” Her eyes might roll out of her head.

“But you’re not the bare minimum. Not even close.” He states it like an undeniable fact.

“How so?” she challenges.

“Like how Elain told me about this boy who broke her heart in her high school, and how the next day he walked into class in a leg cast. And how she just knew you had something to do with it, and you two had a huge fight about it that lasted a week.”

Nesta does not enjoy that memory being brought up. Elain called her a psychopath for the incident, and to save her feelings, Nesta (rather unconvincingly) said it had been an accident.

“I didn’t push anybody into a creek,” she maintains the lie. “Sometimes people just fall down there.”

“To be fair, you’re a lot more stable now than you were then. Now when people hurt those you care about, you find sneakier ways to hurt them back. Don’t you?”

“I do not,” Nesta defends.

“Really? Because Eris texted me earlier saying you’ve been ignoring him since New Year’s, and he’s starting to get worried that you have something heinous planned for him. I asked him why he would ever think such a thing of you.” Cassian leans forward and rests his chin on her shoulder. “Why would he think such a thing of you, Nesta?”

Cassian looks pretty well off from here, doesn’t he? She remembers Eris’s smug face. Did you know Rhysand’s parents found him sleeping in the streets?

“Because he said a bad thing,” Nesta says, looking down at her fingernails. “And I have an unfortunate reputation at school for getting back at people who say bad things.” Like the time Brian O’Connell made jokes about a rape trial the class was studying, and then couldn’t find an internship at a single firm the following summer.

“And what did he say? Because I can’t imagine he would directly insult you. He actually likes you, ass that he is.” His face is warm so close to her neck.

She looks away. “I won’t repeat it.”

That seems to be all Cassian needs to get an idea of what Eris said. “And how long are you planning on holding it against him?”

“Forever.”

“That’s what I thought.”

Nesta meets the eyes that haven’t left her face this entire time and snorts. “What’s your point?” Seriously, she’s starting to redden at how close he is.

He buries his face in her neck, his stubble rasping against the sensitive skin there. “The point is that you also do a lot for the people you love. Just in a different way.” He pulls away to look her in the eye. “Don’t do anything to Eris, though,” he says. “Not that I care for him or his shit opinions, but whatever you have planned isn’t worth it.”

Nesta wants to scoff in disbelief at the sincerity on Cassian’s face. He’s always choosing kindness, even at the worst moments. “So that’s your argument?” she says. “You won’t go to Italy because your girlfriend has a bad temper and a taste for revenge?”

“That’s my final argument, Your Honor.” He takes her hand. “Forget Milan, will you? One day I’ll take you to Portofino.”

The longer Nesta knows Cassian, the more she finds it useless to hide from him. Which is why she lets him watch the thoughts flit across her face as she considers his words, deciding whether she believes him. Deciding whether he’s right to give her so much devotion.

“Fine,” she finally says. “You’re right.”

A slow smile spreads across his face as he realizes he won. Wrapping his arms around Nesta’s waist and legs, he hauls her into his lap and shifts around until they’re both comfortable. The movie is forgotten for now.

“Out of curiosity…” He noses at the nape of her neck. “What did Eris say about me to make you so angry?”

When Nesta doesn’t answer, he says, “I’ve already heard everything that could possibly be said. The shit that used to get me when I was eighteen doesn’t have the same hold on me a decade later.”

She lets herself relax into his hold. “It was about the time you spent as an orphan.” Technically, he’s still an orphan, but it was different back then. “I didn’t like the tone of his voice.”

Cassian’s answering hum is a low rumble against her shirt. “Did you know my biological father was from Italy?”

Nesta perks up at that. “No.” She assumed he was entirely Algerian, even though he and Azriel probably look ethnically ambiguous to most. “Isn’t that all the more reason to see Italy someday?”

“Not at all,” he says. “If I could pretend that half of me didn’t exist, I would.”

She can’t think of a response that doesn’t involve a question, so she doesn’t reply. She waits for Cassian to speak on his own terms.

“I went to Italy once,” he admits. “For less than a day while my brothers were partying in Monte Carlo. I was young and stupid, and thought I would never be complete if I didn’t know who my father was.”

“Who was he?” She doesn’t know why she’s whispering.

“No one worth remembering,” Cassian says, his arms unconsciously tightening around her. “I put some dots together and realized how he and my mother must have met, how he must’ve—forced himself on her, and I decided that I didn’t care about bloodlines at all. I never returned to Italy after that.”

Nesta’s hands want to reach out and touch him, soothe him. But her muscles are suddenly very cold, and she can only stiffen. “And what about now? Do you… not want to go back?”

“It’s just a place to me,” he says. “Nothing special, nothing terrible. But I like the way it sounds when you talk about it.” His eyes sparkle. “I’d like to pretend it’s my first time going with you.”

“Alright, then.” She nods. “One day, we’ll go together. It’ll be our first time.”

***

Cassian refuses to let Nesta leave bed the next morning, dragging his heavy mouth across her body whenever she tries to get up. She’s about to surrender to him altogether when her phone starts vibrating loudly, insistently.

Breaking away from Cassian’s attempt at cuddling, she answers without checking the caller ID. “Yes?” she croaks sleepily.

“Where the hell have you been?” Emerie demands.

Nesta shoves Cassian away despite his protests, untangling her legs from the sheets. “At home,” she says, getting out of bed and heading for the bathroom. “Am I supposed to be somewhere else?”

“We haven’t seen you in two weeks,” Emerie says. “Gwyn thought your boyfriend’s weird family killed you.”

“That’s not what happened,” Nesta assures, pulling her shorts down and sitting on the toilet. “I just needed some alone time.” People are all around her these days, it seems. Her body still can’t quite adjust to it.

“Well, have you had enough—are you peeing?”

“Yeah.” She wipes and flushes the toilet.

“Well, clear your day and kick your sorry boyfriend out of your place. I can’t remember the last time I went out.”

“Why does everybody always want to go out?” Nesta says as she washes her hands. “What’s wrong with staying in, being safe, never leaving the house?” She dries her hands on a towel and returns to the bedroom, where Cassian is now sitting up and checking his emails.

“You’re preaching to the choir, but this actually wasn’t my idea,” Emerie says.

Nesta and Cassian alert at the sound of a knock from the front door. Nesta never has uninvited guests.

“Hold on a second, Em,” she says, jogging up the short set of steps to the door. She opens it to the sight of an exasperated-looking Gwyn.

“Jeez, next time send a text that you’re alive, will you?” Gwyn says, shoving past Nesta to enter the apartment. “Do you know how worried I’ve been—” She halts midsentence, one foot hovering above a step as she realizes that Nesta isn’t alone. As she sees Cassian in her bed, bare-chested and highly amused.

“Hey.” He raises a hand in greeting.

Gwyn pales.

“Hello?” Emerie calls over the line.

“You girls both share the same brain,” Nesta sighs. “Let me call you back, Emerie.”

Gwyn whirls around just as Nesta hangs up. “That won’t be necessary,” she says quickly, looking embarrassed. “I’ll be outside. I’m sorry.”

She hurries out of the apartment even faster than she came in, ducking her head to hide her face.

Nesta tosses her arms up in the air. “Great,” she says to Cassian. “Your abs scared her away.”

“But I didn’t do anything—”

She shuts the door behind her as she follows Gwyn outside, barefoot and all. She barely notices the freezing cold air or the awful press of damp grass beneath her feet as she catches up to Gwyn and grabs her elbow. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

Gwyn jerks suddenly, yanking out of Nesta’s hold. Her breathing seems a little shallow, and she looks even more embarrassed for it. “It’s nothing. I just didn’t know you had someone over.”

“Cassian? He’s cool, you don’t need to be weird about him,” she tries to reassure Gwyn. “Though I did use to tell him that not everybody wants to see him shirtless all the time.”

“It’s not that,” Gwyn says, waving her off.

Nesta gestures to the apartment. “Do you want to come back inside, then? I’m sure he has clothes on by now.”

Gwyn clears her throat uncomfortably and looks down. “I’d rather not. I’m—I don’t like being around men.”

Nesta pauses, not sure if she heard right. “Like, in a ‘check the backseat of your car before getting in’ way, or…?”

“No, like I can’t be alone in a room with a man without feeling sick. It activates my fight or flight, it’s weird.” She’s carefully stiff, like she’s ready to be met with humiliation.

Nesta remembers that Gwyn has never told her about her therapy sessions before, but she knows they’re more intensive than her own weekly conversations with Lana.

“Not that I think your boyfriend is a bad person,” Gwyn adds when Nesta doesn’t respond. “He looks really nice. He sounds nice, too.”

But Nesta doesn’t care about any of that. Unsure of what to do next, she reaches out and awkwardly pats Gwyn on the arm. “Good thing you’ve never been to the cabin, then. Cassian’s brother is staying…” She trails off when she realizes none of this is relevant. “Why are you here so early?” she asks instead.

Gwyn eases up a little at the change in subject. “I missed you. We’ve barely talked since Christmas.”

Nesta didn’t realize people would take such notice to her absence. “Yeah.” She flushes. “I do that sometimes. I’ll send a message next time I go into hibernation, though.”

“You’re freezing,” Gwyn suddenly scolds, noticing how Nesta’s goosebumped arms are wrapped tightly around herself. She unzips her red hoodie and shrugs it off. “Go back inside and get dressed.” She flings the hoodie around Nesta’s shoulders before Nesta can protest. “Meet me at my car. We’re hanging out.”

Nesta knows that a last minute change of events is not the end of the world, even if it sometimes feels like it. For Gwyn and Emerie, she can bear the discomfort of unexpected plans, same as she does for Cassian. But she at least has to know: “How long will we be out?”

“You can come home after lunch.” At Nesta’s face, Gwyn adds, “Lunch will be at two and shouldn’t take more than an hour.”

Looking her friend up and down, someone who has such an easy time understanding her, Nesta nods in satisfaction. She turns around to go back inside.

***

They end up at the library where Gwyn works, in the stacks of the long-abandoned encyclopedia section.

Emerie takes a loud sip from the huge McDonald’s soda she snuck in. “So all this show was because Gwyn didn’t want to work her shift alone?”

“I just have some last minute cleanup to do,” she hisses for the third time, shoving an old book back where it belongs. “Go to the porn section if you’re so bored here.”

“Oh, I definitely will,” Emerie says. “But I’m glad that we’re congregating now, even if it’s in the most depressing part of the library. I have a present for you girls.” She hands Nesta her drink so she can dig around in her purse.

Nesta personally has no complaints. The library is quiet, it smells of paper and old ink, and it holds all her favorite books. It’s almost better than staying in.

Emerie successfully pulls out a handful of folded and wrinkled papers from her bag, smoothing them out as best she can. “One for each of us,” she says, passing the papers around.

Nesta takes her paper and stares at the header. Gwyn is the first to speak. “Pole dancing classes?”

“Why?” Nesta says.

“Well, I originally offered them to Justinian and Isaac but they said no—”

“It’s really not for me,” Gwyn interrupts, trying to pass the registration form back to Emerie. “Sorry.”

Nesta doesn’t give her form back.

“Look,” Emerie says. “I get the hesitation. We’re a handful of boring bitches who hate having fun. But don’t you think that has to change at some point?”

“I’ve known you guys a month,” Gwyn retorts. “We’ve only been boring bitches for a month. This is too much.” She turns to Nesta for help.

Nesta is still staring at the paper. Dancing—on a pole, yes, but it’s still dancing. “I’ll do it,” she says.

Gwyn looks betrayed and Emerie looks elated. “Really?” She hops up and down. “That’s two against one, Gwyn. You have to do it, too.”

Gwyn’s cheeks are turning red in frustration. “You can’t just force this on me—”

“Gwyneth,” a sharp voice interrupts their conversation. Nesta spins around to find a young woman with dark skin and bleached white curls heading in their direction, a stack of books in her arms.

She halts before Nesta and glares. “No food or drink in the library.” She looks pointedly at the 32-ounce in her hand.

“It’s not mine.” Nesta shoves the drink back to Emerie.

But the librarian has turned to Gwyn, who hides the dance class form behind her back. “And what are you doing here?” she demands.

“Just putting up a few books, Merrill,” Gwyn answers quickly.

“While socializing?” the woman named Merrill sneers.

“We were just asking for help finding the romance section. Is that a problem?” Emerie crosses her arms and steps forward, letting a little of her beautiful deadliness slip into her stance. It’s the deadliness of someone at the top of her law class, someone who will graduate in a few months with all the power she could want in the palm of her hand. Nesta gets a rush from playing the lawyer game, too, but she’s never had the kind of ambition that Emerie has. Emerie is a shark sitting around in a small pond.

Merrill is not impressed. She snatches the styrofoam cup dangling from Emerie’s hand and tosses it in the nearby trash can. She turns back to Gwyn. “Hand your badge over and clock out.”

“But I’m not done yet—”

“Now.”

“Okay,” she squeaks. She pulls her ID badge off her neck and hands it to Merrill.

Nesta gapes in disbelief. Before she can speak up, Merrill says, “No loitering in the library. If you don’t have anything you need to check out, leave.” With one final judgmental look, she turns down an aisle of dusty books and disappears.

Gwyn makes a face at her back.

“That woman is not old enough to be acting that misanthropic,” Emerie says after Merrill is gone.

“Whatever,” Gwyn mutters. The registration form is still in her hand. She crumples it into a ball and throws it into the trash. “Let’s get out of here.”

Nesta stares at the trash as Gwyn turns to leave. “Coward,” she says.

Gwyn’s head snaps toward Nesta, her auburn hair swinging. “Excuse me?”

She shrugs. “You heard me.” Emerie’s eyes bounce back and forth between the girls.

“I did,” Gwyn says. “I was just making sure this wasn’t coming from the woman who would sooner bite someone’s head off than do something she doesn’t want to.”

“Girls,” Emerie snaps before Nesta can bite back. “It’s just a stupid dance class. I thought it would be fun to do together, but it doesn’t matter anymore.” Taking Gwyn by one arm and Nesta by the other, she starts steering them out of the stacks like a stern mother. “Now let’s go eat. I’m fucking hungry.”

Gwyn’s mood from the library doesn’t recover, even as they sit down for lunch at the local diner. Nesta thinks Gwyn might actually be sick when the male waiter winks at her while taking her order, and it’s not until long after he’s gone that color returns to her face. When their food arrives, Gwyn only picks at her plate.

“What’s wrong?” Nesta finally has to ask bluntly. “You look pukey.” Did the coward comment affect Gwyn more than she let on, or was it Merrill’s attitude that threw her off?

At Nesta’s words, Gwyn becomes even more pallid. “I just don’t feel great today,” she murmurs, looking around like she’s seeking a way out of the diner. “Sorry guys, I didn’t mean to be such a buzzkill. Maybe I should go home early.”

“Absolutely not,” Emerie says. “If you’re going home, we’re going home with you.”

Gwyn bites her lip, trying to decide if she wants that or not. But something about her antsy demeanor is too familiar to Nesta, because she says, “If you really want to be alone, do you mind driving me home first? Emerie’s car is a mess.”

“You just need to move around a few papers,” Emerie protests.

But Gwyn nods distractedly, already gathering her things. “Sure, no problem.” They pay the bill and go their separate ways.

During the ride home, the sky that’s been gray all day finally breaks open, unleashing a spattering of rain over the town. Nesta watches it sprinkle while Gwyn drives in silence.

“Why are you scared of Merrill?” she eventually asks. “She doesn’t look much older than you.”

Gwyn snorts, but there isn’t much heart to it. “Merrill is my superior, but I can handle her on most days.”

“Just not today?”

Gwyn eyes Nesta warily from the corner of her eye. “No, not today. Or this week.”

Nesta chooses not to push. The dull metal of the cars surrounding them glints under the rain, and they arrive at a red light.

After a minute, she takes a breath and blurts, “I’m not always like that around guys, you know.”

Nesta watches her closely, remembering how ghostly she seemed around Cassian, then the waiter. “Keep going.”

Gwyn stares straight at the traffic ahead, her fingers turning bone white on the steering wheel. “I’m just going through a hard period. Everything upsets me and I don’t know how to think straight. It’s like my brain accidentally traveled to the past and now it’s stuck there.” She sounds shaky, breathless, and it makes Nesta wonder what exactly her mind is experiencing.

Nesta knows what it’s like to be unable to move on. Her own brain has only recently started looking toward the future. “Where are you stuck, specifically?” she asks hesitantly. Maybe she can help Gwyn navigate her way out.

Gwyn’s chin quivers. “In a dark room.” Her lips form a tight line. “Being held down. I’m outnumbered.”

Nesta’s stomach turns. “How far back is it?”

“Two years,” Gwyn whispers. “Lately I can’t even look at anything without—remembering it. Thinking about it. Every time I feel like I’m moving past it, I end up being wrong.”

The light turns green, and Nesta puts a hand on Gwyn’s knee in an attempt to ground her. “Drive,” she commands softly.

Gwyn presses down on the accelerator, but Nesta can feel her leg trembling beneath her hand. She squeezes her knee hard. Even with the dark parts of her own past, Nesta has never felt what Gwyn is feeling right now. So she tries to stick to what she knows.

“It’s like you said,” she says carefully. “You’re going through a period where your brain isn’t being friendly to you. It’s horrible, but you can live with the knowledge that it’ll be over eventually.”

Gwyn shakes her head, holding back tears. “It doesn’t work like that. Once it goes away, it’ll just come back again. And it’ll be like that for the rest of my life.”

“You’re right.” Nesta doesn’t have a solution for that, and she hates it. “You’ll never forget. You can be at the peak of your life and still remember all of it. But,” she says slowly, “whether you reach a point where it barely fazes you, or if you keep crippling under the weight of it decades later, you’ll still be normal. You’ll be a perfectly normal human.”

Gwyn lets out a tearful laugh at that. “What does that even mean?”

Shit. “It means…” Nesta tries to explain herself better. “In case you’re worried that there’s something very wrong with you, I’m here telling you that there’s not. There will never be anything wrong with you.”

Gwyn eyes her skeptically as they turn onto a residential road. “Even if I never get past one nightmare I lived years ago? Even if that nightmare defines me until the day I die?”

“That won’t happen.” Nesta’s tone is simple, factual. “But yes, even then.”

“Really? You’re not gonna tell me to live for the better days or whatever?”

“Does that sound like something that would help you? Because I can say it if it does.”

Gwyn snorts. “No.” But her limbs are steady and her eyes are clear on the road. She clears her throat. “Thank you for listening. I think I might feel a little better now.”

“Was it because of what I said?” Nesta tries not to be too hopeful.

“I wouldn’t give you that much credit,” Gwyn says, crushing her hope. “But I’m glad I told you. It makes things…a lot easier for me.” She exhales deeply.

“You know my plate is mostly empty these days.” Nesta pats her knee. “That means I’ll always have room to help carry your shit.”

They pull up to Nesta’s apartment, and Gwyn parks at the curb. “Give me your dance class thing,” she says suddenly.

Frowning, Nesta pulls the wrinkled paper out of her purse and hands it to Gwyn.

Gwyn smooths it out on the steering wheel and grabs a pen from a cupholder, clicking it. “If you’re going to help carry my shit, I guess I have time for pole dancing now.”

“But that’s mine,” Nesta protests as Gwyn starts filling out the form.

“It can be both of ours,” she says, writing Nesta’s name under hers.

“Really?” Nesta grins with an excitement that she doesn’t easily feel. “You’re going to do it with us?”

“Why would I let you do it without me? So I can become the third wheel in our girl group?” She gives Nesta a look that says No way in hell.

Nesta rolls her eyes. “That would never happen to you.”

“Sure,” Gwyn drawls. She finishes the form and folds it in half before pocketing it. “I’ll give this to Emerie as a gift.” She leans over to peck Nesta on the cheek. “Now get home. Love you.”

Nesta turns red at the words and coughs. “Thanks for the ride,” she responds, getting out of the car.

“Say it back!” Gwyn calls after her. But Nesta shuts the door in her face and waves, pretending she can’t hear her. Gwyn mock-scowls at her through the window, but lets her off easy and drives away.

That’s enough feelings for today, Nesta decides. Even if her chest is swelling with emotion for her friend. It’s a sweet hurt that lingers long after she returns to her empty apartment.

***

a/n: i’m back in my no plot, just vibes era

taglist: @hellasblessed @sjm-things @thewayshedreamed @drielecarla @valkyriewarriors @superspiritfestival @aliveahaahahafuck @cupcakey00 @sayosdreams @rainbowcheetah512 @claralady @thebluemartini @nessiantho @missing-merlin @duskandstarlight @lucy617 @sleeping-and-books @everything-that-i-love @cassianscool @swankii-art-teacher @awesomelena555 @julemmaes @wickedqueenoffantasy @poisonous-bloom @observationanxioustheorist @gisellefigue08 @courtofjurdan @theoverlyenthusiasticwriter @wolfiixxx @cass-nes @seashade @royaltykxx @illyrianundercover @queenestarcheron @monstrousloves-explodinggalaxies @humanexile @that-golden-lyre @agentsofsheilds @mercy-is-alive @cassiansbigwingspan @laylaameer01 @verypaleninja @maastrash @bow-dawn @perseusannabeth @dead-on-the-inside666 @jlinez @hungryreadingaddict @anidealiveson @planet-faerie @shallowhighwaters @ghostlyrose2 @chosenfamily-valkyriequeens @rarephloxes

[imonthinice]

The Criminal Psychology Majors, Jason Todd x Fem!Reader Part 7/?

Word Count: 3.5k

Author’s Note: Y/N - Your Name, A/N Any Name (your best friend’s name), (Name) - your ex’s name !genderneutral (Don’t use a DC character! Y/N hasn’t dated any other DC character!) :)

3.5k words, my god. And they’ve still only known each other for 4 days and we’re on part 7. I do not know how to finish this.

Lol, Enjoy!

Warnings: Swearing, Heated moments, There is French in this one, No beta bitch we die like Jason Todd

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5) (Part 6) (Part 7) (Part 8) (Part 9) (Part 10) (Part 11) (Part 12) (Part 13) (Part 14) (Part 15) (Part 16) (Part 17) (Part 18) (Part 19) (Part 20)

Falling asleep in Jason’s arms after that escapade the two of them pulled the night before was something magical to say the least. Of course, they only got like 5 hours of sleep before they had to wake up and get out, at risk of Y/N being caught in the building, although the thrill of it excited the both of them deeply, but that’s obvious. They liked breaking the rules already.

Riding back home seemed a lot less like a journey to her this time, she just wanted to spend more time with Jason, but he had work and she didn’t want to hang out at Wayne Enterprises. She’d probably go to the library today, she didn’t know exactly what she’d do today, but she always thought that was the most exciting thing ever. “I don’t know what I’m even going to do tomorrow,” one of her friends asked when she moved to Gotham, ‘How exciting!’ she answered.

That friend said the next day she ran through the streets of Metropolis with her arms outstretched like a kid, and she did it in Y/N’s honor. “I told you!” she said, “How exciting that sometimes you never know what you’re going to do tomorrow!”.

These thoughts swirled in her head as Jason drove her back home when, like clockwork, like it was out of a movie, he said,

“I have no idea what I’m even going to do today.”

She laughed, “I always say ‘How exciting!’ when someone says that to me.”

“Really?”

“One of my friends back home, when I gave her that advice, she then spent the next day running around the city with her arms outstretched in my honor, it was apparently one of the more fun things she’s ever done, so” she paused, “I really mean it. how exciting! The possibilities are endless, are they not?”

“Well, not really, I have work to do,” he frowned.

“So own it. Make the office your bitch. Take charge, take lead.”

“Why not?” he said in agreement.

“Why the fuck not.”

-------------------------------------------

Jason walked her to her door, “Won’t you be late?” she asked,

“Dad knows where I am, I don’t think I’ll have my ass handed to me.”

“You never know,” she laughed.

He laughed too and slightly pecked her lips. He wanted more, he was hungry for more out of that kiss, but work and life gets in the way of their relationship, and he really whined when he had to break away, but she laughed at it.

“Slow your roll Tiger, one day,” she mused.

“You say that like you don’t want more.”

“This isn’t about me,” she retorted, “So, shut up, respectfully.”

He laughed and kissed the back of her hand, “You have a thing for doing that, huh?” she joked.

“I literally don’t know how to answer that, I think I’m losing my touch with flirting,” he joked back.

“Okay, okay, you need to get going now.”

“Fine! You want to get rid of me so badly, I get it,” he joked and walked back to the car and she waved him off. She hated that time he left, a lot. She knew it was healthy to take a day’s break if they’ve been on 3 back-to-back dates, but that didn’t mean she liked it.

She opened her door and walked in, thinking A/N was asleep so she wouldn’t be barraged for her hair being a mess, but, boy oh boy, was this girl waiting for her to get home.

“What happened? Why’s your hair a mess? Oh my god, did you have sex?” she asked.

“No, but we kissed, will you take that as information while I shower or do you want all the details now?”

“You can shower, you can shower. I’m not that needy.”

“Yes you are,” Y/N joked and went to go shower.

And like she always did, she opened her phone and looked at the news before answering her friends,

Millionaire’s Son, Jason Todd's Girlfriend’s Name Revealed!

She laughed, cause it wasn’t her name. She didn’t think he was seeing anyone else, and they used her picture, so she knew they just fucked it. She forwarded the article to Jason with the caption ‘ Fuckin’ idiots’ .

She then answered Artemis, who asked Did you two kiss? Dick’s up my ass about it ‘cause he knows we’re friends.

I want to take that out of context so badly. She joked with Artemis.

I knew this man had a terrible name that would come to haunt me, but did ‘ya kiss?

Yeah we did. Get Dick out of your ass, though, that’s weird, you have a boyfriend and he has a girlfriend.

Shut up, you’re not funny.

I’m pretty funny.

You are but I’m not going to admit that, girl.

And one of her old friends had texted her, it was someone who Y/N had seen off and on the past few years, they were polite, but she didn’t exactly want to speak to her ex.

Hey.

(Name)? What do you want?

Saw you in the news with the rich boy, guess we’re over?

We have been over for like 5 months, my guy. 

Bitch.

Okay!

People from her hometown were noticing her in the articles and recognizing her. Some would think this is the coolest thing that someone they loved met a nice boy, the money a bonus, some would give her the reaction her ex did, but she knew she was days, hours, maybe minutes away from her parents finding out about her love affair with Jason.  

She shuddered at the thought, she loved her parents, a lot, but something told her that maybe they wouldn’t did Jason to be like she found him. She also knew she could be overthinking it entirely and they’d like the Criminal Psych Major that she knew all-too-well.

But overthinking was fun, apparently. And she couldn’t stop thinking the worst of so much.

------------------------------------------------

When she got changed and just threw on whatever the fuck she saw, she went out to go talk to A/N.

“Hey, nerd. I’m done,” Y/N said.

“Nerd? You’re the one dating the bookworm and  you’re in criminal psychology,” she joked.

“Ha, ha. So, how are things with your lover? Have you secured him yet or are you just doing your own thing still?”

“Still just doing our own thing, don’t really have the time to date while getting my degree and working.”

“I mean, if it works for you I can’t throw judgment.”

“What about Jason? How’re things with you two?”

“You ever seen the Wayne Enterprises Ballroom before?”

“In pictures, why- Don’t tell me he took you there you lucky bitch?!”

“Then I just wont tell you,” she laughed.

“The Ballroom? Oh my god, that’s crazy, he's really pulling out all the stops to make you smile, huh?”

“I would do the same if I had more to offer, but I have barely anything since I bought that place in the dance competition across the country,” she said.

Y/N had bought a place in this competition before she met Jason, and she was heading to it on Saturday, in two days, and she actually had practiced the routine during downtime between her and Jason. She hadn’t exactly told Jason about this, and Jason had asked why she looked strained and like her muscles hurt, but that just never seemed like something you share with your casual partner, to her. She never seemed like her casual competitions were worth anything. A/N had begged to differ since Y/N had met her.

A/N said that Y/N had talent, that she could go somewhere, Y/N saw it as an extra circular that didn’t affect her much. She wasn’t the type of brag, and all her trophies were back home with her parents, anyway.

“Have you told him about your,” insert A/N’s heavy sarcasm, “’Casual’  competitions, yet?”

Idk what the hell happened with that line ya love to see it

“I’ll send him a quick text about it, I guess,” she sighed and sent just a quick, Hey, can’t have a date on Saturday-Sunday, forgot to tell you but I’m going to Cali for a quick dance competition, lol. My bad, shoulda said something.

“Why are you like this, be proud of your accomplishments, dammnit!”

“It’s a casual competition!”

“And you’re talented! I’m this close to just showing him videos of you going at it,” she said, exasperated.

“He already knows, we danced in the Ballroom.”

“Oh my lord,” she laughed, “You’re an enigma, if I had your amount of trophies I wouldn’t be hiding it.”

“Im’ not hiding it! It just kind of never came up.”

And he texted back, Oh damn, are you at least going to kill it? You better, I want to show the live broadcast to my family and brag.

She laughed, “See!”, she exclaimed, showing A/N the texts, “He doesn’t care like you do, nerd.”

A/N laughed, “Sure he doesn’t. Do you want to go to lunch, by the way? I’m bored off of my ass.”

“Sure, why the fuck not.”

“Go get dressed then, and I’ll do the same.”

“Okay okay, meet up in 10?”

“Yes ma’am.”

And off they went.

---------------------------

Y/N texted back Jason for a quick minute before getting dressed, Of course I’m going to kill it, my notes aren’t a representation of my dancing skills.

Well, I hope you win something. And text me. But mainly win something.

Of course I’ll text you, Jay. It gets boring at competitions.

You should go to a Wayne Gala then, god damn, those fuckin bastards are the most boring events this side of America.

Well maybe you’ll invite me one day.

I’ll probably have to if you show up on National TV. The press will finally know your name.

I hope I’m not on National TV then. Fuck the press.

Fuck the press indeed.

Since Y/N didn’t feel the need or want to dress up, she didn’t. Quick shirt and jeans and she was out the door. Sometimes she would dress up for lunch dates with her friends, just because she was bored as fuck and dressing up was fun, but she just didn’t want to do it today. Combat boots, jeans and a shirt were enough most days. You don’t have to be a model just because the press knows your face, she thought, you don’t.

“Who’s driving?” A/N asked.

“I can if you want. I don’t mind,” Y/N said as they walked to the beat up car they loved so much. It was nothing compared to the Porsche she had been in the night before, but it was still running, and you don’t fix something that ain’t broke.

“Maybe your boyfriend will buy you a new car,” A/N joked.

“If anything, he’d buy me a new computer, since mine is getting mailed to me and you’re going to love hearing the sounds that bitch makes,” she retorted.

“Is it bad?”

“Terrible. My sister called it a screaming electronic goat once,” she laughed, “I hate that fucking thing. But if it ain’t broke-”

“Don’t fix it, I know.”

“Exactly.”

--------------------------------------------------

For some reason, they decided in the car to go to McDonald's, because hey, it’s not like Y/N is on a  dance diet or anything. She wasn’t, because she didn’t want to starve herself for the sake of winning a competition. That was even her thought process as she was younger and more vulnerable to her teachers, she always told them she’d never do that. Years later, she still stuck to that mindset.

They got out of the car and like fucking clockwork, the press was in her face.

“You! The girl with no name, Jason Todd’s girlfriend!”

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!” she whispered under her breath, “How do they always find me!”

“Tell us about yourself! Are you serious with Jason? How do you feel about his family? How-”

But then she had an idea,

“Quoi? Je parle pas l’Anglais? Qu’est-ce-que vous voulez?” she said, using her bilingual skills to her advantage.

“What? No I mean-”

“Pas de l’Anglais! Désolé mes amis!” and she ran off into the McDonald's with A/N.

“Did you just speak French to get them off your ass, you genius?”

“Spoke very broken French because I wasn’t thinking, but yeah, I did that.”

“I forget you’re multi-talented sometimes, you have a lot hidden under your belt and I try to treat you like a normal person but you’re far from it.”

“I appreciate you for trying, but I think with my new love affair, you aren’t going to get far with those attempts anymore, sorry,” she joked.

Jason texted her, Did you just speak French to avoid the press?

How do you know about that?

We were watching the news during a meeting and they said that you spoke French.

You got to do what you got to do to get by.

That is literally the most genius thing I’ve heard of anyone doing in so long. I think you’ve truly bamboozled them for a while and they might hop off of your back for a while.

You think so? ‘Cause I really hope that’s the case.

My siblings think it’s hilarious, and no one’s leaked that you are just joking with the press, so yeah, they might actually leave you alone.

Let’s fucking go. That is the news of the 21st century.

4 days of knowing each other and you’ve flipped off the press twice, outran them with me once, hid in the Wayne Enterprises Building with me and you’ve spoken French to bamboozle the press. That is impressive.

I feel like the press is going to hate me one day.

Probably. But they also hate most of us most days.

You should probably get back to work.

Yeah, talk to you soon.

She put her phone away and went to stand with A/N, who was waiting for their food.

“Talking to your lover?” she joked.

“When am I not doing that?”

“That’s valid.”

-----------------------------

Going on a lunch date with A/N made a little bit of the harassment just better. They both bonded over how they hated the press before her love affair with Jason, and how their opinions wouldn’t change much unless, knock on wood, one of them went missing. Y/N told her about all the cases where the press and the internet did so much to solve cases around the world, love or hate the press, they did do a lot for solving crime.

She also told A/N that Jason was related to Dr. Barry Allen and Clark Kent, two people the two of them knew well because of the news and the fact that A/N knew Y/N when she wanted to go into forensics and was reading Dr. Barry Allen’s work.

When her mother texted her.

Y/N? Is that you in the press running around with Jason Todd?

Yeah mum, why?

Are you two in a serious relationship?

No mum.

Then why are the vultures so obsessed with you, says your dad.

‘ Cause you two made a pretty girl and he’s high up in the world, I guess, I don’t know. I don’t really like the press.

I can tell. We’re not mad at you honey, but be careful. And your dad says when you two get serious he needs to take Jason fishing.

He doesn’t speak French, mum.

Dad says he’ll work on his English for you.

Well tell everyone I love them, mum.

She panicked a little bit, her parents were nice when they wanted to be, but they were strict, why wouldn’t they be. So this, while being a welcomed surprise. was still a little panicky.

“Your  parents find out?”

“Yeah, they seem chill with it though.”

“Bing in the press sucks when you’re trying to keep your love life out of your parents' eyes, huh?”

“You could say that again,” she joked.

“Being in the press sucks when you’re-”

“I didn’t mean literally!” they laughed.

--------------------------------

Back at Wayne Enterprises, Jason was betting bombarded by his colleges, friends and family about Y/N and how she was able to get around the press’ constant harassment without flaw. And also because Bruce had seen the two enter the building at around 12am the night before. So Jason was called into Bruce’s office that day.

“1, I know everyone is bombarding you, so you can hide out here, son, 2, you and Y/N didn’t have sex in your office right?”

“God no, dad. We just hid here because security is tight as fuck and unable to get past.”

“I saw you two kissing on the cams and heading into your office, Jay.”

“Okay, okay, but we didn't have sex and the intentions were there, dad!”

“Uh huh, pretty girl in your, my, car.”

“Dad, stop it,” he joked.

“Well, her little shenanigans with the press are very amusing, have you told her that?”

“I have.”

“She’s basically not afraid to tell them what we all think.”

“That’s what I said, dad.”

“Well, hold onto that one and don’t let her go.”

“Do you regret doing that with Talia?” Jason asked.

“God no, she’s insane. The son I got out of her antics is literally her spitting image, so if I need to be reminded of her I can just go talk to Damien for a couple minutes.”

“Dami’s a lot like you too, don’t act like his personality is just Talia, he acts like his dad in every aspect and you know that.”

“Lord help any woman or man that kid goes on to date, my god,” the two of them laughed. It was the small things with Bruce that made Jason happy to be a Wayne, even if he didn’t share the last name. Jason grew up on the streets and even before that, his mum and dad didn’t have a lot of money, so the amounts of money that Bruce could shower on him was a lot, but he was okay with just working for his money. And Bruce knew that.

He spent a lot of his workday in Bruce’s office, hiding from the rest of the office, and texting Will.

She knows about your kid.

Well, she’s a good kid. I’m glad you’re bragging about her, means I raised her right.

Shut up. I love that little girl and I’ve helped raise her, Will.

You’re used to my new name?

I changed your contact to Will when you changed your name, so I could remember that that’s your name now and not Roy. I’m hoping I remember it in person though. It would be awkward if I forgot my best friend’s name.

It would be funny to look back on, though.

Like how your relationship with Jade is funny now?

Never stick your dick in crazy.

I wish you would have listened to that sometimes, but then I remember Lian is amazing.

I’m a cliché of dumb choices, what can I say Jaybird.

----------------------

In Y/N’s house, she would always play loud and sad music when she had the chance, some people thought her mental state was fucked, which sometimes it was, but most of the time the sad music went harder than the happy tunes you would catch from the other side of the house.

But even if music was blasting the loudest it could ever be, somehow she would still find herself lost in her thoughts, whether it was new dance routines or a story she would scribble down in her dream journal. there was something about those little fits of artistic passion she would experience from time-to-time.

It’s hard to put into words how those moments reminded her of the simplier times before sh was thrust into stardom, but also how they reminded her of Jason, and untouched mind she longed to know further. She knew there was so much more to the boy she had gone on dates with.

She would end up ignoring her phone for most of the rest of that day, just because she wanted peace and quiet, when A/N’s lover came over and she had to turn the music up louder so she wouldn’t be disrupted by the obvious.

I just got off of work, how are you? How’s your day been? Jason had texted Y/N while she ws turning up the music.

Well, I just had to turn up my music because my roommate’s lover is over, but other than that I’ve been enjoying peace and quiet in my room, waiting for something to do.

Is texting me something to do?

Yes.

That’s sweet of you. Work was boring though so I hope you don’t expect a story.

I don’t, don’t worry. You don’t always need a story for something to do.

Well, I’m going home with my brothers and dad, and we’re probably going to play office chair racing because I’m a bad boy.

You’re a bad boy?

Was that not funny?

It was pretty funny, isn’t that dangerous though?

Yeah actually, my brother broke his leg playing it and another time my little sister broke her leg playing it.

It seems fun but like, damn, two people have gotten injured playing that game, y’know.

Well if I die it’ll be a fun story!

[vivithefolle]

I just wanna ask, and don’t get mad at me cause I’m genuinely curious, how do you stan Ron? Like, I like him, but he is definitely misogynistic (slut shaming Ginny, treating hermione like she owes him something and being mad that she kissed someone years before, always objectifying Fleur, and acting like girls who aren’t pretty aren’t worth much). Like, by DH I feel like he definitely has mostly grown out of it, but still 6/7 books he’s kinda unbearable IMO

how do you stan Ron? 

Like this:

OH MY GOD HAVE YOU SEEN. HAVE YOU SEEN HIM DID YOU SEE MY BABY OH MY GOD. WHEN HARRY’S ARM HAD GONE KABLOOIE BECAUSE OF LOCKHART AND HE. RON. HE WAS. HELPING HIM GET DRESSED???? OH MY GOD BABY???? HHHHNNNNGGGG. AND. AND. AND ALSO WHEN HE. OMG. WHEN HE WAS PUTTING FOOD ON HIS FRIENDS’ PLATES LIKE. MOM FRIEND ALERT MOM FRIEND ALERT MOM FRIEND ALERT. AND THE WAY HE’S ALWAYS BLUSHING AND BEING EMBARRASSED AT THE SLIGHTEST PRAISE BUT ALSO HE’S SO DESPERATELY SEEKING IT BUT HE KNOWS HE CAN’T TAKE IT AND EEK EEK EEK THAT’S SO CUTE SOMEONE HOLD ME IT’S ADORABLE RONALD WEASLEY YOU ARE SO GOING TO BE THE DEATH OF ME IT’S ILLEGAL TO BE THIS CUTE!!!!

Ok and then.

he is definitely misogynistic 

No. And here’s why.

slut shaming Ginny 

Yes, that was wrong. And guess what, that’s also something he probably - scratch that, definitely - picked up from his mother. And also his brothers, recall how Fred and George too don’t like to see Ginny go around with boys. There’s also something to recall: Ron was there when Ginny was taken into the Chamber of Secrets and learned later that it was because she had trusted an older guy. You seriously wouldn’t be paranoid about who your sister dates after that? It was wrong. Yeah. And he more than learned his lesson when Ginny clapped back by virgin-shaming him and basically told him that he was childish because he hadn’t have a relationship yet. So would that make Ginny sexist too? Or is it just for Ron?

treating hermione like she owes him something 

..................... uuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh... when? When the fuck did anything like that happen?

He made a prat of himself at the Yule Ball, that much is obvious. But he didn’t tell her anything like “you should be with me” or didn’t insinuate anything of the sort. He was a jealous bitch but kept attacking Krum, not Hermione.

If you mean in sixth year when he treated her with “icy, sneering indifference” for the course of two weeks, yeah that was bad but that’s not “treating her like she owes him something”, the fuck?

being mad that she kissed someone years before 

Yeah. I know. And that was bad, ooooh you got me to admit Ron did bad stuff, that’s what you want to see, right? And I reckon he was also mad that she hid it from him, and that he had to learn it from his sister of all people. We see Ron handles what he considers betrayals terribly. I have some meta discussing the possibility that he has a form of Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria.

always objectifying Fleur 

Um... no, he doesn’t. He makes a stupid comment about her once in GOF then stops. Let’s also fucking remember that Fleur is a Veela, she literally makes guys stare at her as part of her powers!! I’m not blaming her because she’s literally born that way, but you can’t blame someone who is under magical compulsion either.

acting like girls who aren’t pretty aren’t worth much 

So tell me why he was friends with Hermione then?

Because Hermione wasn’t Emma Watson the super hawt sexy model goddess. Hermione was Mrs Generic. Until this once at the Yule Ball when she got the pretty princess perfect Mary Sue makeover but then stopped because she had to remain ~relatable uwu~.

Again. Ron made stupid sexist comments. But it’s actively shown that he doesn’t follow up on them. If he did indeed live by the motto “girls who aren’t pretty aren’t worth much”, explain to me why he wasn’t simping and drooling all over Padma Patil who is explicitly stated to be one of the prettiest girls at school when she was his date? Why exactly did he ignore her and was a miserable twat the whole evening instead of basking in the joy of having snagging a girl that was “worth it”? Well surprise, it’s because HE ACTUALLY ISN’T LIKE THAT AND WHAT HE SAYS IS MAYBE SHIT HIS “COOL OLDER BROTHERS” SAY AND HE THINKS THAT BY EXTENSION IT WOULD MAKE HIM COOL TO REPEAT IT. MIMETISM, THAT'S BASIC FUCKING HUMAN PSYCHOLOGY FOR FUCKING TODDLERS MY FUCKING GOD.

Like, by DH I feel like he definitely has mostly grown out of it, 

............

...................................

...............................................................

so. so why. so why wouldn’t you. use that. as a reason. to stan him.

like.

fuck all the “hurr durr ron weasley the boy who made it out of the friendzone!!!!” bullshit, let’s start going with “Ron Weasley, the Boy who became a Man, and not one of those 'uugghh im such an alpha male’ ones but one that’s got the balls to say ‘hey love, I’ve got an idea, what if you kept doing that job you love and feel passionate about while I support you and do the majority of the childcare while also working a smaller job on the side so we’re never short on money’“

Why you people gotta be “yeah I like Ron BUTT” when you know full-well this fucking awful fandom will rake him over hot coals over the slightest mistake he does - worse, will actively go out of their way to interpret his positive moments in the most negative way possible??? Fuck off with that bullshit. Ron dared to say bad stuff omygah big deal, he was forgiven for it all and you’re just all cowards looking to feel “pure” by telling yourself “oh yeah but he was problematic once uwu”. FUCK. THAT. NOISE.

but still 6/7 books he’s kinda unbearable IMO 

And IMO he’s not, funny how that works

So.

I guess it’s impossible to stan Ron because he was problematic uwu.

Ok.

Then I hereby decree that it’s impossible to stan Hermione Granger because:

“I’ll bet you wish you hadn’t given up Divination now, don’t you, Hermione?” asked Parvati, smirking. [...] “Not  really,”  said  Hermione  indifferently,  who  was  reading  the  Daily Prophet. “I’ve never really liked horses.” She turned a page of the newspaper, scanning its columns. “He’s not a horse, he’s a centaur!” said Lavender, sounding shocked. “A gorgeous centaur . . .” sighed Parvati. “Either  way,  he’s  still  got  four  legs,”  said  Hermione  coolly.  “Any-way, I thought you two were all upset that Trelawney had gone?” - Order of the Phoenix, ch 27

wow casual use of a racial slur yay!!! A+

And it’s also forbidden to stan Harry Potter either since:

It was raining hard now, and she was nowhere to be seen. He simply did not understand what had happened; half an hour ago they had been getting along fine. “Women!”  he  muttered  angrily,  sloshing  down  the  rain-washed  street with his hands in his pockets. “What did she want to talk about Cedric  for  anyway?  Why  does  she  always want to drag up a subject that makes her act like a human hosepipe?” - Order of the Phoenix, ch 25

and

“Harry! There you are, thank goodness! Hi, Luna!”  “What’s  happened  to  you?”  asked  Harry,  for  Hermione  looked  distinctly  disheveled,  rather  as  though she had just fought her way out of a thicket of Devil’s Snare.  “Oh,  I’ve  just  escaped  —  I  mean,  I’ve  just  left  Cormac,”  she  said.  “Under  the  mistletoe,”  she  added in explanation, as Harry continued to look questioningly at her.  “Serves you right for coming with him,” he told her severely.  “I thought he’d annoy Ron most,” said Hermione dispassionately. “I debated for a while about Zacharias Smith, but I thought, on the whole —”  “You considered Smith?” said Harry, revoked. - Half-Blood Prince

Victim-blaming! Nice Harry, nice. Always classy.

Ok, Ginny stanning is already cancelled because she virgin-shamed Ron, right, so who’s left, who’s left... ah yeah:

“There you go,” said Fred proudly. “Best range of love potions you’ll find anywhere.” - Half-Blood Prince

Selling date rape drugs proudly ouh là là. Bye Fred.

"Do they work?” she asked.  “Certainly they work, for up to twenty-four hours at a time depending on the weight of the boy in question...”  “...and the attractiveness of the girl,” said George, reappearing suddenly at their side. “But we’re not  selling  them  to  our  sister,”  he  added,  becoming  suddenly  stern,  “not  when  she’s  already  got  about five boys on the go from what we’ve...”  “Whatever you’ve heard from Ron is a big fat lie,” said Ginny calmly, leaning forward to take a small pink pot off the shelf.

Assuming that only girls use love potions, and only on boys. Men never rape in JKR’s world, only women do, you heard it from George Weasley here folks, I’m just passing on the message. Ah and I hope you’re also starting the Fred And George Hate Club given how he’s also slut-shaming Ginny.

“What’s this?”  “Guaranteed  ten-second  pimple  vanisher,”  said  Fred.  “Excellent  on  everything  from  boils  to  blackheads,  but  don’t  change  the  subject.  Are  you  or  are  you  not  currently  going  out  with  a  boy  called Dean Thomas?” “Yes, I am,” said Ginny. “And last time I looked, he was definitely one boy, not five. What are those?”  She  was  pointing  at  a  number  of  round  balls  of  fluff  in  shades  of  pink  and  purple,  all  rolling  around the bottom of a cage and emitting high-pitched squeaks.  “Pygmy  Puffs,”  said  George.  “Miniature  puffskeins,  we  can’t  breed  them  fast  enough.  So  what  about Michael Corner?”  “I  dumped  him,  he  was  a  bad  loser,”  said  Ginny,  putting  a  finger  through  the  bars  of  the  cage  and watching the Pygmy Puffs crowd around it. “They’re really cute!”  “They’re  fairly  cuddly,  yes,”  conceded  Fred.  “But  you’re  moving  through  boyfriends  a  bit  fast,  aren’t you?”  Ginny turned to look at him, her hands on her hips. There was such a Mrs. Weasley-ish glare on her face that Harry was surprised Fred didn’t recoil.  “It’s none of your business. And I’ll thank you” she added angrily to Ron, who had just appeared at George’s elbow, laden with merchandise, “not to tell tales about me to these two!”

Ah, good on you for defending yourself, Ginny, but remember, Ginny stanning is prohibited because she’s been problematic in the past and is gonna be problematic in the future and that’s baaaaaaad. Careful kids, don’t get ideas. It’s problematic to like people who’ve done problematic things.

So I guess nobody can like anything or anyone now. Sorry guys. Liking things is evil, what if the thing you liked had, OR USED TO HAVE, *gasp* flaws, can’t take that risk, ohmygah.

[antiloreolympus]

9 Anti LO Asks

1. Alright I get exaggeration in drawing characters and maybe I just noticed but Hades ears look huge in the latest chapters????? I draw myself but it’s so noticeable and huge it looks terrible. Also the shade of red of Persephones eyes looks terrible, she should have done like a pale red or just not do “red eyes for coolness” it just looks terrible and doesn’t add anything to Persephone design at the end of the day

2. Like I still do enjoy bits and pieces of LO, I’m interested to know how it’s gonna end, but Im just constantly disappointed in the writing now 

3. I’m the latest non fast pass chapter I still can’t take Persphone seriously. Idk if it’s the writing or whatever but RS just puts certain plot points at a halt. The last cliff hanger “am I a fertility goddess” and in the next chapter We don’t get answers we’re looking for might as well of not made that a cliff hanger if Demeter want going to give us much. Persphone asking if a fertility goddess means there’s a “few extra carrots” was the dumbest line. Was she being sarcastic? I can’t tell because the fascial expressions are often drawn a little weird. If Persphone is the “straight A” smart student she is, I would think she’d have more critical thinkng skills of why Demeter is hiding the fertility goddess status. Idk I think if RS is gonna write cliff hangers like that she should make sure those questions get answered not dodged or else Dont hype that scene up

4. Oook I have a wicked dumb theory that’s either far from happening or ACTUALLY happening. So remember in that one episode where RS left open another can of worms in ep. 148 at the very end where Kronos was a whole ass skeleton just saying “well well well”. I think that Persephone’s gonna turn giant again and maybe try to fight Kronos if he escapes and she might be all like “YoU cAnT hUrT hIm AnYmOrE!!” And judging by the art style, it’s gonna look goofy as hell and it’s gonna be another “yasaas queen gettem!!!” Moment. I can’t with this goofy ass comic Dx

5. lmao you guys werent kidding about the pom pin, it looks so out of place and passed on. its literally a circle with some spikes on top, how is that so hard to draw a few times over? my god rachel is lazy and overworking her poor team. then again their names arent on it, so why would they care if its bad? let rachel take the fall for it.

6. its not even an ancient greece thing but rather basic history that the rich and powerful did not wear white, their MO was always to show off they had money to afford fancy threads and dyes, so they'd always want colors and elaborate designs instead of undecorated white. maybe shes trying to base it off marble statues, but its well known by now that even those were brightly painted and colonizers from england actually whitewashed them for an aesthetic, so idk where her research is in any of this.

7. idk man maybe its just me but youd think a series that is trying to force a glamorous idea would actually put in the effort for the clothes to look nice, but instead theyre all just boring flat cloth and thats it. no pattens, no accessories, not even interesting cuts or folds or even different colors instead of "white" (its just pink or grey) or black. even in the beginning it tried to make up for it with sparkles to give the illusion of shine, but now it doesnt even bother with that.

8. White didn't even become a thing for brides until Queen Victoria was married in 1840, thousands of years after the timeframe of LO, so why would they have that symbolism in Persephone? More so, as other anon pointed out, Greek weddings especially loved yellow and reds for brides, so why would she be in plain white? Then again the gods of LO somehow have Versailles and 1980s American fashion before either country existed, so RS doesn't care to be accurate in mythology or basic history it seems.

-----FP Spoilers-----

9. Very true on the FP stuff. I think comedic use of a person being a bit jealous of their partners closeness to another can usually be done fine when it’s used not too seriously and the topic is moved on from quickly., but hades instead is just so mean and cruel to hermes for what, having an actual chemistry and friendship with persephone that wasn’t forced on by others and with her dependent on him? esp Bc we know how violently possessive hades is of her for no reason, so what could have been playful jealousy under a better writer is instead him being an asshole about it. persephone being jealous over hera was not done well but it at least made a little sense in the context (doesn’t make it good context) and she didn’t lash out at the people in question, but hades just looks like he’s legit angry persephone has a life and relationships outside of him. i think Rachel was going for “romantically possessive” (which isn’t romantic but go off) but instead he just looks like a creep.

[haijimee]

It Should Be You

authors note: um i love tobio bcuz hes so blunt and mean <333 but here <33 i couldn't figure out a name for the bitch so meiko ig?? idfk im terrible w names dhmu

cw/tw: slight??angst?? if u squint??, fluff bcuz that's what im all abt, uh, some naughty words (watch ur mouth tobio >:(( ), uh plastic ass hoe??? fuckin shit up???, childhood friends to lovers <333, DW HAPPY ENDING!!!

song to listen to: Home to Me (Live) , Devil & The Deep Blue Sea

[Tobio Kageyama x Female Reader]

He didn't get it. Why was this happening to him? His teammates told him that getting in a relationship would be enjoyable, so he did, with this girl named Meiko in his class, who wore hair extensions and way too much makeup. She was the first girl to confess to him after the conversation so he said yes.

But why was she so fucking annoying? He could hardly stand it. Sure he had a short temper but she made it even shorter. Always whining and complaining about everything!

"Tobioooo!! I said I wanted to go the the PINK café! This is red!!!"

"Tobioooo!! Why are you practicing right now?! You should be taking me on a dateeee!!"

"Tobiooo tell me my makeup looks good!"

"Tobiooo! Why were you talking to that other blonde girlll!! I don't care if she's your manager you can't talk to other girls when you have meee!!"

God, if she wasn't a girl he would've sent a ball into her face. He tried to talk and she would cut him off talking about her so terrible problems, which consisted of her makeup looking horrible or her hair was disgusting.

She looked the same to him so he made no comment until she whined about it. But the thing that irritated him the most as that she kept trying to change him. Saying he should dress more cleanly, or that he should focus more on her than volleyball, which was so fucking stupid! He wasn't going to change, he liked the way he was!

He hated it. His teammates said relationships were soothing and would make him happier, but he just felt shitty, he could never get a break.

And he told this all to one person. You. His best friend.

He'd rant about Meiko and all the issues on the days he'd go over to your house, he'd lay down on your bed as you'd comb your hands through his soft black hair, whispering "really?" and "oh Tobio" every now and then. He spent most of his free time with you, usually, but Meiko kept dragging him away. It made him stressed and unhappy, he was so used to spending everyday with you. But on some days he could spend time with you, avoiding Meiko and walking home with you as he used to.

On one of those days, he was tired, drained, as you both walked through the door. You said hello to your mother as you slipped off your shoes and Tobio did the same. You took your backpacks and walked up the stairs to your room.

But the second you closed the door he flopped down on your bed face first. You laughed, taking his backpack from his hand and placing it next to yours as you climbed on your bed and laid back against the pillows and headboard, opening your legs and patting your lap as he crawled over, flipping over to look up at you.

Your hands found their way into his coal black strands, egging him on to begin talking, easing him easily into relaxation. And the waterfall flowed. Telling about how Meiko began screeching at him because he wouldn't eat the bento she made him, and he explained that it was all burnt and smelled like shit! So of course he wasn't going to eat it!

"And she went all 'I put love into that bento!' but if that's her love it's fucking gross!" he cried and you giggled, closing your eyes in a smile.

He looked up at you, as you began to laugh harder, your shoulders shaking as you laughed, little snorts interrupting your giggles, which made you laugh even harder.

He looked at you and felt his heart pound, his face go beet red. He had never realized how happy he was with you. How comfortable it felt to have his head in your lap, your hands on his face. He'd never noticed how he knew everything about you, from your favorite food to the strangest birthmark you had on your back. He had been there for a long time, and you were the only person strong enough to break down his walls.

As your giggles settled you looked back down at him with the warmest smile.

"Go on, tell me about the rest of your day Tobio, I wanna hear."

He stared at you, wide eyed before he sat up quickly, startling you as you jumped. He looked at you, his eyes tracing every feature of your face.

"Why couldn't it be you?" He asked, his face blank.

"What?" You said softly, confusion in your expression as you looked back at him.

"Why couldn't it be you who confessed?" He said.

You stopped, blinking.

"Tobio what do you mean?" You laughed nervously, was he serious? Of course he was, Tobio was always serious! But what was he talking about? 'Why couldn't it be you who confessed?' What did that mean?!

"I mean, why can't you be the one I'm dating?" He said bluntly, and your jaw dropped. Your cheeks flushed red as you looked at him.

"Tobio! You have a girlfriend you can't just say that! I'm just your best friend!" You squealed, fisting your bedsheets between your hands.

"But why can't you be more? Do you not like me?" He looked sad, his eyes looking down. It panged in your heart.

"Of course not Tobio. I like you, I like you so much! But- you have a girlfriend! Don't you love her?!" You cried, the words dug into your heart. He loved her.

"No? What made you think that?" Tobio asked, confused.

"Well, you're dating her so you love her right?" You asked, stating the obvious.

"What? No. My teammates said that dating would make my life better so I said yes to the next confession, though it's not making my life better to be honest." He said, and your jaw dropped. Again.

"Tobio! Do you even know how dating works?!" You screamed, grabbing his uniform collar and pulling him closer.

"Um...no?" he said, sweat dropping at your tone. Was there something special about dating he didn't know? Like, money? Or magic?

You looked at him, massaging your temples.

"Dating is something romantic. When two people feel love towards each other and decide to pursue a romantic relationship together. Where you kiss and go on dates to the movies or to restaurants or cute cafes where you get lattes with hearts in them. Where they're both comfortable with each other and cuddle on the couch, talk about life and the future. And if things go well they get married and live life together, maybe having kids or getting pets. Just loving each other with everything they have.." You said softly, a faraway look in your eyes, ever since you were a child you had dreamed of something like that. And as you grew, you realized you wanted to have the future with one person. The one person you could never have.

Tobio Kageyama.

He looked at you, his eyes wide in realization.

"I guess I'm breaking up with Meiko now. Thank god." He said, and you looked at him, laughing a bit. You felt so at ease with Tobio, even now he was making you smile and laugh. "So..have you ever..dated..anyone?" he asked.

For some reason, he didn't like it. The thought. He didn't like the picture in his head of you sitting on the couch with some random guy. Going out together and..and kissing. Or you running your hands through some other guys hair as he talks about his day and you give him that soft smile or snort laugh. It made his chest hurt. He didn't like it not one bit.

"Ah..no..I've never uh..been one for dating.." You mumbled, cheeks pink. Tobio looked at you and suddenly you realizing his eyes were sad. And as he looked at yours he saw beyond that smile you always gave him. He saw the swirls of pain in your eyes. He hated it. You gazed back at him to see those sad blue eyes, his lips curled in a frown as his brows furrowed together.

"Hey Tobio whats wrong?" You asked as you looked at him, reaching out to cup his cheek. His heart started pounding again, erratically beating against his chest. He stared at you, eyes wide before jumping back, scrambling a bit away from you as you watched in confusion. He calmed down, moving to sit on his knees as he looked at you again.

"So..do you..love someone?" He asked, breaking his gaze away from yours as he looked down at the bed.

You eyed him, before lifting your chin up a bit, looking at the corner of your ceiling.

"Yeah. I do, and I've loved them for a very long time." You said softly, and his head snapped up to look at you. Of course you loved someone, he spat in his head. You were so kind and so nice, it's obvious you'd find someone nice who you'd fallen for. But his chest squeezed. He knew there was someone. But why. Why did it hurt so much. Knowing it wasn't him? Why couldn't it be him.

He hadn't even realized he'd been clutching his chest, squeezing his uniform so hard his knuckles turned white. He hadn't realized until you grabbed his hand, unfurling it from the black material of his uniform as you took it in yours, rubbing your thumb across his knuckles like you always did. He looked at you, and felt the pain build up again as he stared into your eyes.

"Who is it..?" he asked, praying the emotions swirling in his head weren't betrayed by his voice. You looked at him and then at his hand.

"I don't think I'll tell you." You murmured, and Tobio gritted his teeth. As the thoughts in his head pounded until one slipped out of his lips.

"I want it to be me."

He said, and your eyes widened as you looked at him.

"What?"

"I want it...to be me.." he repeated, his ears and face reddening, "I want to be..the person that you love.." he mumbled, as the thought settled in him. He did. He always has. Wait a minute. He always has. Yes..he..he has hasn't he?

He's always wanted to be the person holding your hand on the way to school. The one who leans over and asks you for help with his notes. The one who eats lunch with you as you share your food, as he sloppily takes his chopsticks and places a piece of chicken in your mouth as you laugh and put a piece of eggroll in his. He always wanted to see you at his games, it fired him up to see you cheering his name and looking so proud when he did a good set. He always wanted to be the person who took you out for snacks and who you could call at 2am when your crying because you feel sad, and he'll go over to your house just to hug you and listen to you rant.

He..he wants to be the person to kiss you, and hug you and cuddle you and take you out to romantic places. He wants to be the one to marry you.

As he looked up at you it hit him in the face. He has always loved you. It's why dating Meiko felt wrong. Why the past few weeks without you felt wrong. The truth was, he couldn't bare life without you. He wanted to always be with you.

You were still mulling over his words, eyes wide and blank. You couldn't even comprehend what you were saying until you said it.

"Silly Tobio..you've always been the person I loved."

You clasped your hands over your mouth as the words came out, face red as Tobio stared at you, his eyes were wide as he realized it. You both sat there for a few seconds before he carefully crawled over to you, taking your hands off your mouth and pressing them to his chest, where you could feel the fast beating of his heart.

"Is this..is this weird?" He asked softly, and you looked at him, his pink cheeks and ears, and smiled. Smiled so much as tears fell from your eyes and cascaded down your cheeks. Tobio began to panic but you simply pulled him closer, burying your face into his chest as you hugged him tightly. He looked at you before relaxing, sitting down as he wrapped his arms around your torso, resting his head atop yours.

"Hey?" He asked softly, after you two had sat like this for a few minutes. You looked up.

"Mhm?"

"Does this mean we're dating now?" He asked, and you giggled.

"Just break up with Meiko tomorrow and yeah, yeah I think so." You said, and Tobio gave a proud smile. As you both shifted to lean against the pillows, legs and arms tangled up as you pressed close to eachother, his head atop yours and you snuggled into the crook of his neck.

"Hey?" He asked again, and you hummed in an answer, as he looked down at you.

"I think I'm in love with you."

"I think I'm in love with you too."

CAN YOU GUYS SEE THE TEARS IN MY EYES OH MY GOD

its so fucking LONG now that i realize it. i just got so into this wrote this in like 3 hours..

i love awkward tobio hes so cute

anyways

now kiss <333 come get ur man tobio stans <33 THAT RHYMED FUCK YEAH