#maybe this is kinda ranty but I’ve just seen this happen one too many times

[acestims]

I’m sick to death of hearing “see! Accessibility benefits everyone, not just disabled people/mobility aid users/chronically ill people/etc!!” That shouldn’t matter. Even if the only people in the world that would benefit from an accommodation are disabled people, we still deserve it. I’m sick of non-disabled people constantly being centred and catered to with accessibility content. Every time someone makes an add-on to a post about an accessibility device or whatever, it just feels like they’re saying that our needs aren’t enough to warrant accommodations, it has to benefit non-disabled people too. We deserve accommodations no matter if non-disabled people can benefit from it.

[viostormcaller]

Thinking about it, it kinda sucks just how little new horizons has.

Like... I love the game to pieces and maybe this is just bc im in a shitty mood (which i am) but like... god this is gonna be long and ranty and I'm sorry in advance that mobile tumblr doesnt have the read more feature

For starters, holidays are all scheduled on the company's terms, meaning in 7+ years or so there will be no more in-game holidays because by then they'll probably be thinking about/getting ready to release the next installment of the series on whatever console is out at the time and they won't want to update new horizons anymore. And adding onto this, you need the internet to download the updates. What happens to the players who don't have internet?? Can they just never experience the holidays like bunny day and toy day and turkey day? That takes a HUGE part of the fun of the series out right off the bat. Sometimes making everything rely on the internet is a bad idea. Idk if anyone can like tell me if having no internet means you can't take part in the holidays, but like... god if that's true thats really sad.

They recently took out the hybrid flower and big fish islands, which makes no sense whatsoever why they would do that to a game that has so little, but ok?? It's not like that feature was hindering the gameplay any

There's a lot of furniture but Not a Lot of Furniture, you get me? They took out EVERY set except the classic set (renamed "antique") that you can buy for an insanely high price, and the log and wooden block sets that you can craft, but other that that it's all unrelated items that aren't part of any set, aside from the cute set and diner and throwback sets which as far as I can remember are the only other sets you can buy in the game. No alpine, no ranch, no minimalist, no princess or gracie, no modern or sleek, none of that. And 90% of all the buy-only furniture in the game is just the color variants. You can't even customize them! And it's hard as fuck to find the color variants you want, much less for completing a furniture set

And speaking of which, your starting villagers don't get their default house interiors. Your first three + your two starters from the tutorial days have the same generic layouts. You NEVER see what their houses are supposed to look like, and even if you give them the wallpaper and flooring they're supposed to have (if you figure that out online somewhere), their house doesn't change (I tested this with Sherb and was kinda disappointed).

And stuff is so EXPENSIVE. I know it adds a challenge but my final loan was NEVER 1 mil+ bells in New Leaf. And you can't even expand the extra first floor rooms you get. I'm literally getting less for WAY more. The biggest rooms you get are the basement and upstairs rooms. The first floor rooms aside from the main room really don't have a lot of space and with the different furniture they DO offer, I don't have a lot of room to put things in. But it's not like I can even afford it anyway -- just a freaking air conditioner was 63,000 bells. In New Leaf it was 2500. That's a MASSIVE jump. And the kitchen items are so freaking expensive, as well.

And speaking of houses, for someone who was literally in the real estate industry in the last game, tom nook adds very few house exterior options. And the even more shitty thing is that a lot of the colors straight up don't match. They couldn't even add a plain white roof.

God and the fucking DIY recipes. I know I've said this before on my other tumblr but the RNG for this game is the worst I've ever fucking seen. There is no reason why, two months into the game, I can be given a recipe for a simple DIY bench, which EVERYONE LEARNS IN THE TUTORIAL. Who the fuck am I giving it to?! No one, because literally every player knows it already, and you can't gift diy recipes to villagers! And I keep getting repeats of recipes. My villagers give me fruit DIYs all the time, it's so rare for me to get any new ones. And two days in a row I've gotten the recipe for the deer head mount thing from the same villager. New recipes should 100% take the priority before repeats. This game is slow paced, sure, but that's just frustrating. It doesn't make me excited to learn more recipes, it makes me feel like I'm never gonna learn any new ones because I'll get the same fruit DIYs for a week straight.

And speaking of which, you can't put trees, bushes, or flowers in your storage, which to me makes literally no sense. I can fit a giant ass fountain in my storage but I can't put a flower plant? Really? And speaking of storage, for a game that added 300 whole slots for mail instead of the usual 10, I will never understand why they decided to halve the amount of items a player can order a day from the nook shopping, AND make it so that it takes a whole day to get there instead of making deliveries at 9 am and 5 pm like in New Leaf.

And the fact that they made it so hard to get non native fruit and flowers and shit??? Like they at LEAST added Lief so flowers aren't as much of an issue anymore, but you actually have to travel to other people's islands just to get all the fruits?? I know you have to do the same thing in New Leaf but the reason why this is an issue for me is because you have to pay for online access, meaning most of those nook miles for planting all the fruits are locked behind a paywall unless your villagers can gift them to you. And your mom, when you first start the game, has a chance of giving you the one fruit that's on the non-native fruit mystery island, meaning you'll only get ONE new fruit and not two separate ones (for example, my sis got pears from mom but her non native fruit islands have cherries i believe. I got pears from mom and my fruit islands also have pears. Doesnt help that that's the one fruit i hate lmao). They also took OUT a bunch of fruits, like mangoes, durians, lemons, bananas, lychees, persimmons...

And the fact that your nook miles rewards are ISLAND LOCKED. That is the WORST SHIT. Not everyone has the ability to play with others, bc no internet or no money for the subscription every month. Not everyone WANTS to play with others bc maybe they get social anxiety (like me, which is why i havent asked for things that are impossible for me to get even though i want them for my island or house), or maybe they simply just don't want to. But the fact that each island has their own color variants of the same goddamn rewards that CANNOT BE CHANGED makes me so upset. I do not want nor should I have to rely on others to get the items I want because my game doesn't have my preferred color variations. And it's not like I'm far enough in the game to have anything worth trading for said items, nor do I have the bells.

And Isabelle does next to fucking nothing and I'm really irked about how they made her character in this game. Yeah she's cute, but that's ALL she is. She became more ditzy than anything else. She doesn't let you know about visitors in the town or the plaza or if a bridge or incline was built bc of a completed donation goal. Like really useful info to know would be if Flick or CJ is in town or who is selling stuff in the plaza. Flavor text is nice but if that's all you say 24/7 it loses its charm. In New Leaf she was helpful and hardworking and super focused and on top of things. Idk why they changed that aspect of her. I know her role in New Horizons isn't as big as it was in New Leaf, but still.

And then there's glitches that STILL haven't been patched (as far as I know anyway), like the game-breaking villager corruption glitch (which you'd think nintendo would have made a priority but they're too busy removing other features it seems) or the house exterior glitch.

And it's bad enough that your game saves to your fucking system a la Fantasy Life. But even WORSE, no one can have separate islands on one console. It's not enough to own two copies of New Horizons. Each player has to own one copy of the game and a whole new Switch just so they can play on their own islands. Parents can't usually afford that (aka $360 for each kid give or take) so for a game marketed towards kids, I don't know why they thought that was a smart move (well, I DO know, and that's because money, but still). And to top it all off, cloud saves are not supported normally. If you lose your game or your switch and aren't subscribed to nintendo online, well, it looks like all your progress is gone! And there's nothing you can do about it. And they directly claimed that they did this just so people can't manipulate the game because it's supposed to be played in real time. But people can still fucking time travel by setting the system's clock! They achieved nothing except to make the players frustrated!!! If you make a game you need to accept that the player is going to play how THEY want to. You shouldn't try to make everyone conform to the way YOU want them to play. That just makes you a controlling asshole and the game loses a lot of its fun.

This game was 60 bucks and they took so long to make it and we ended up with less than we got in New Leaf. The main thing they gave us was a shit ton more clothing items (which I really like). Like I said, I love this game to pieces and it's actually one of my favorite games right now. There's so much I love about it -- I certainly don't hate it or anything. But this game has SO MANY flaws, a lot of which are needless. And I think the kid in me just misses the days where you can pay for a game and get the whole game right away. No updates in tiny batches, no content locked behind paywalls, no day one patches, no reliance on internet connection and multiplayer... mainstream companies have all gone really downhill with that shit and it just disappoints me to no end. But because Nintendo is kid-oriented, I think that's where it hurts the most. It was supposed to be accessible, family friendly fun like back during the days of the Wii and the DS. But companies get so wrapped up in competing with each other and trying to make the most money that they forget about all that. I dunno. It just sucks.

If you read all this, god damn I'm surprised XD I got super ranty and I apologize. But I'm in a sad mood and I after learning about features they've taken out I just had to get all this off my chest. It's been weighing on me since the game released, especially since for months prior this game was all I could think about and I was really looking forward to it. It just let me down in a lot of ways, I guess.

[aspiestvmusings]

ZEP SPOILER PREDICTION?

POSSIBLE SPOILERS AHEAD, SO BEWARE...

BASED ON EPISODE 1x01 - 1x10 + MY PREDICTIONS FOR 1x11 - 1x12

LONG & RANTY POST. NOT SO “POSITIVE” THOUGHTS, SO BEWARE: 

So... I’ve had this “feeling” since the Pilot & I kinda got confirmation for my theory in this weeks episode. And if I combine it with the s1 finale (1x12) episode summary, then it could fit, because “Zoey tries to stop something bad from happening” according to the description. 

Everyone thinks that that’s related to her dad, but... ever since that spoiler came out, I’ve suspected it’s related to someone & something else (even though it is pretty certain her dad will be gone at the end of ep 1x11 or early 1x12). I think that’s a reference to something Simon related instead. 

Zoey’s first “real” interaction with Simon was in the Pilot episode, when she heard him sing “Mad World”. In the latest episode, 1x10 he sang the same song again. And I am predicting that the song MIGHT even be heard the third time during the season...in the finale. (or maybe she’ll just come to realize why she heard him sing that again.. in 1x10)

We’ve seen how Simon has been unable to deal with his grief, to move on, to let go. We’ve seen how it has destroyed him, his relationships... everything. And if we listen to the lyrics (original song by “Tears for Fears”, the extra sad newer version by Gary Jules), and think of Simon’s behaviour (he really is the great pretender”!...as demonstated well in many little scenes in 1x02 & 1x03...for example), I think it’s possible he’s gonna try to go down the same path his dad did. And that’s the “bad thing” Zoey is trying to stop in the s1 finale. 

On this note: I can’t believe that Zoey still hasn’t figured out why Simon was put in her path..at this time. She’s not just supposed to help him, he’s supposed to help her. She’s supposed to learn from him and not make the same mistakes (since she’s not figured that out yet, she’s going down the same path as he is). Simon has been avoiding his grief, and it has made him a mess. He’s not talked with anyone about it..really, he’s not talked about it with his loved ones, and it lead to destroying himself, and his relationships. 

And guess what Zoey has been doing...ever since we met her? She’s avoiding dealing with “her daddy issues”, and it has made her a mess, and ruined many of her relationships (best friends, relatives...). Until she realizes that she’s not supposed to make the same mistakes, and she’s supposed to learn from him, it’s not good. She’s ignored or forgotten (by the next day) all good advice from her friends and family...on this.. and she can’t take it all on her own..she needs to share the grief with people who care about her... to be able to deal...with it all... 

Yet...

                      *************************************************

This weeks episode (1x10) did what I expected, and I know that the show is trying to claim everything Zoey is doing is affected by her grief...and that’s why she’s a mess, and that’s why... all... but I still can’t believe that (even if it’s the “anger” phase of her grief) she still hasn’t figured out that the lyrics of the songs that people sing tell her how she must help them. And she still, to this day, has not helped Simon with his grief. And according to the rules Mo wrote down...that’s “no good” - she must help the person singing...with the “problem” they have. She might’ve not wanted the power & it might not be fair to have to help people...especially at a time when she’s losing her dad... but they established that she must... in order to make all good. 

She can “hear” (thanks to her power) how Simon feels, and yet she hasn’t actively helped him with his grief. And I know the writers are trying to say that it’s because of her own grief (and going through the stages herself), but it has just surprised me how she focuses all her energy on pursuing the engaged (until recently) man...romantically... (obsessively, so), instead of helping him (and instead of focusing on the #1 man in her life..her dad... and I still can’t believe she’s avoided that til now... cause she’s wasted so much precious time... til the very last minute... and she now has so little time left with him...cause she’s been focusing all her energy on trying to repeat her past relationship mistakes... -- and go for the complicated, exhausting for everyone... option,-- ). She’s spent so much energy on obsessing over the engaged (til 4 days ago) man, while claiming she has no time for any romance... (her words & actions don’t match!). 

Her heart song to him in 1x08  also said “didn’t I see you crying?”, so she is (deep down) aware that that’s the emotional state she was him in, and yet they have not had a real, proper, discussion on how to deal with the grief! And hearing him sing the same song again in 1x10 should’ve told her that the man is still “stuck”...still... and that means she didn’t really help him...yet. Which means she must try to help him...again...til it works. (and in helping him she’ll help herself... and learn from his mistakes..and not repeat them..)

Also looking forward to the day when Zoey realizes that the thing that bothers her about Simon is what bothers Max about her: She doesn’t like that Max is pursuing her & yet she is pursuing Simon the same way....at a time when she claims she needs to focus on her dad. She doesn’t like that Simon has no clarity (doesn’t return her feelings... doesn’t want to start anything), but she doesn’t understand that she’s doing the same thing herself...to Max - she has no clarity herself. And if she’s allowed to not like how Simon doesn’t give her an answer & be upset that he doesn’t like her back...then it should be OK for Max to not like how she doesn’t give him/her BFF an answer & be upset that she doesn’t seem to like him back. 

The moment when she realizes tha parallels..is what I'm looking forward to. For her (and some of the viewers) to realize how the things that bother her about Max’s behaviour are parallel how she herself has behaved. (fans claim “Max is pushing Zoey to love him back & going after her...strong”, but what has she done all season? “Zoey has been pushing Simon to love her back & going after him...strong”) The two storylines are exactly the same. And that’s done on purpose on the show. 

She claims she has no time to focus on romance, cause she’s so caught up with her dad & grief, so it’s not the right time to pursue romance, yet she spends much of her screentime actively wishing for & pursuing a romace with Simon. She has the time to go to dinner with him (at a time when I expected her to practically move in with her parents...for the last few weeks), yet she doesn’t take time to actually get her BFF a “congrats on the promotion” gift...when in contrast she gets the “just-broke-up-his-engagement” man a housewarming gift... (she had 4 days to buy that pen/mouse... but she didn’t, but she got the plant for the same night. Same with telling Mo how she’s upset about the Simon news...while not even a mention of Max’s news - move to 6th floor. It’s like they really never were friends...cause she voices no concerns about losing a good programmer & friend...only “worrying” about her office crush...). #WhyAreTheyWritingHerLikeThat  #SheCanGoThroghTheAngerPhaseWithoutBeingExtraRude

To me..that shows just how much she really “cares”. And she might be grieving & a mess..but right now...she does not “deserve” Max...as her BFF (even though she needs her BFF...at this time) Until she’s done processing her grief & done some therapy, and focused on herself... she should do as she says, and focus on her dad, her family, herself. Make her words match her actions. (and yes, this latest ep provided that “turn” ..for her...and all the characters... as the sun will shine again...after the storm... but not before another “storm cloud” passes)

Or...in other news: I LOVED!!! how everyone told their truths to Zoey in this episode. She might be grieving & going through the stages of grief (but so are a lot of people around her....and they don’t create conflicts over this), but that doesn’t make it OK how she sometimes behaves. (Just like Simon grieving does not excuse any of his behaviour...where he was emotionally cheating on his fiancee, and kissing other women while still enaged... etc) So... the scenes where everyone told her the harsh truth...were some of my faves in this episode: Mo, her mom, (even Joan...through looks), Simon, and especially Max!) IMO she really needed to hear all of it! (and more) 

And this makes me sad that I am saying this, but... I wish Max/Zoey wasn’t the endgame...after all this. But it’s a fact that they are. But Max is a much better person than I am. And unlike me (I see the world in black & white only...and while I know it’s very human & all.. I am not a fan of “messy human feelings” -  it’s all just too irrational for my taste), he sees all the colours. And mostly...he loves her..unconditionally, so he’ll “forgive her”. But for me her indecisivness, “1 step forward, 2 steps back” w. Simon (”we’re done, this is over, no more” claims... which she takes back/forgets the very next moment/episode... because... -- she won’t be doing this no more.. but then she finds out his engagement ended...so she’s back obsessing over pursuing him...even though she just made a promise to herself to not do just that --) behaviour, and all that.. cannot be “excused” or “explained” with grief. It hasn’t worked...on screen...for me. But it has allowed some TOP acting from Jane, and Skylar, and John, and Alex...and everyone else. This  cast just keeps being amazing!

But no matter how much I’ll “fangirl” over the S1 finale M/Z moments and possible future M/Z endgame... for me it’s not the payoff... anymore (due to how S1 was written) ..it’s gonna be the unfortunate end result. Some people love TV drama, I just aren’t a fan of such messy drama... I’m simply too rational to get irrational behaviour (what writers & people call “very human” & “this is what grief & hurt does to a person”). I get the intent & get the reasons behind it, but it’s too irrational for me to like it. (cheating is cheating, you can’t take back what you’ve said/done...especially if you make the same mistake again...) #hurtpeoplehurtpeople

I’ve expressed some of these every thoughts in my previous tags and online comments... and now I just have confirmation from the ep that they did really take the exact route I did not ever want the show to take (once is a mistake, twice/three times is a pattern...). But nonetheless... M&Z is endgame. So...my only hope & wish is that there will be a S2, so we would see REALLY work on earning back her BFF (Max’s) trust and friendship. She has to work for it IMO. And she must be compleely honest with him...as she promised...and this now includes telling himall about her grief, “the triangle”, her moments with the engaged/just broken up man... That is the one thing that is a must. 

(And no, Max isn’t that much hurt because she didn’t ask him to stay or petty cause she doesn’t return the feelings, he’s upset cause no-one even came to say “good luck”, and his best friend didn’t even bother to get him the “good luck gift” - to him it’s like confirmation that they don’t care or appreciate him as a co-worker. It’s like his peer reviews... He’s said why he’s upset. And he’s not upset cause she doesn’t return his feelings, cause through her heart song he knows for a fact that she has romantic feelings for him + he noticed how she checked his body out (Mo’s makeover)...and that “she’s his”. He’s upset that even though she has feelings for him, she avoids them & him. And that she’s pursuing the engaged man, making him her second choice & no one wants to be the “other/second (wo)man””. She claims she can’t do more than friendship right now...cause of everything related to her dad & yet... she is pursuing more than friendship with the other guy... so once again she wasn’t honest with him... and that’s gotta hurt cause they’ve been BFFs forever...)

This latest episode, once again, used parallels...lots of them. 

Z: “You should know...what you did yesterday was really rough.”

M: “I was just..taking care of me. It wasnt personal.” 

Z: “When I told you aboout my powers, I also told you I was gonna be 100% honest with you, do you remember that? OK, so here’s the truth: I think it is personal. I think youre mad at me. Youre mad at me for not saying what you wanted to hear. And now youre trying to teach me some kind of a lesson.” 

M: “Oh, is that what you’re think?” 

Z: “That’s what I think. Why else would you take the 6th floor side? You’ve been there wor whoppin 2 days.”

M: “I dont know. Maybe because people actually like me on the 6th Floor. Do you know that Ava has said to me mor ein those 2 days than Joan  has in the last 5 years? Oh and it’s also a huge opportunity for me and my career. have you ever thought about that?” 

Z: “So you’re just gonna leave behind everybody that helped you get there? Is that the idea?” 

M: “See it how you wanna see it.” 

Z: “Nobody down here understands why Ava wanted you in the first place. Just FYI.” #ThisWasLowAndTotallyCruelThingsToSay

M: “Maybe it’s becase I’m a good person.” 

Z: “...or a very selfish one.” 

M: “YOU are calling ME selfish? Look... I have spent far too much time worrying about other peoples happiness more than my own. Especially yours. And I think that its finally time I focus on my own happiness for a change.” 

Once again the use dialogue about one relationship to parallel another relationship. If we change the words a bit & apply it in reverse, we get: 

M: “You should know...what you did yesterday was really rough.” [their 1x07/1x08 conforntation - her revealing she has feelings for him...but then taking back the words & running to another man... while claiming your focus has to be only on your dad]

Z: “I was just..taking care of me. It wasn’t personal.”

M: “When you told me about your powers, you also told me you were gonna be 100% honest with me do you remember that (Think back... have you really been that?)? OK, so here’s the truth: I think it is personal. I think you’re mad at Simon. You’re mad at Simon for not saying what you wanted to hear. And now youre trying to teach me/him some kind of a lesson.”

Z: “Oh, is that what you’re think?”

M: “That’s what I think. Why else would you avoid your best friend & obsess over an engaged man...while claiming you can’t deal with romance at this time when you should focus all your energy on your dad? You’ve known the new guy for a whopping 2+ months...compared to your best friend of 5 years.”

Z: “I dont know...:” 

M: “So you’re just gonna leave behind everybody that helped you get here (ditch your best friend, end your traditional movie nights together, dive into yet another overly complicated-exhausting for everyone-not good relationship with an engaged & grieving man...? You’re avoiding the most important man in our life = your dad, & dealing with your grief, you’re pushing away your best friend, whose always been there for you. And you’re opening up to a stranger instead of your best friend...and saying that’s a positive behaviour. Is that the idea?”

Z: “See it how you wanna see it.”

And Max’s decision in 1x09 & 1x10 was explained by Zoey's speech in 1x09..once again the two storylines are parallels as I already mentioned after last ep: 

Z: “I will never be “the other woman”. Nonetheless..I care about you. A lot. We have a chemistry & a bond that’s undeniable. And I guess I was hoping that after the kiss you’d have some clarity... about all of it. Clarity ... you still don’t have. And maybe never will. So... I have to make a change.... instead of just sitting around, and waiting...and hoping for something to happen...So..this is me...saying to you...officially... I can’t, and I won’t do this anymore. 

If we change the words a bit & apply that to M/Z, we get  why Max made his decision & what he’s really saying to her: 

M: “I will never be “the second choice (when youre my first...but clearly I am only 2nd choice for you)”. Nonetheless..I care about you. A lot. We have a chemistry & a bond that’s undeniable. And I guess I was hoping that after the heart song you’d have some clarity... about all of it. Clarity ... you still don’t have. And maybe never will. So... I have to make a change [move to 6th floor, putting distance between us].... instead of just sitting around, and waiting...and hoping for something to happen...that might never happen. So..this is me...saying to you...officially... I can’t, and I won’t do this anymore.”    

She is a complete mess & she still doesn’t realize the parallels. How what bothers her about Max’s behaviour (towards her) is exactly what bothers Max about her behaviour. If she feels she “has the right” to be upset with Simon over these things (no clarity, not telling her he likes her back), then she has to realize that her BFF also “has the right” to be upset with her...over the same things. And she keep projecting...her own fears and denial..into others. And I get what the writers wanted to say, but for me personally... it’s made me dislike the character, and the writing, and all, because I don’t really “understand” why she/writers would “excuse” it all with her grief making her “act crazy”. She keeps avoiding her best friend & her dad’s situation.

We know that it’s because with Max she’s got a lot to lose (the connection is deeper, there’s more to lose), while with Simon it feels “easy” and theres nothing to lose, cause they don’t have that deep connection. Just grief bond....which she keeps mixing with something other. And she doesn’t listen to reason from her friends: Mo, Max... and they can’t help her get through this all if she won’t let them in... 

And in the next eps...when THE DAY she’s been most scared of..arrives (her dad), shes gonna need her best friend, Max. And he’ll need her, cause he was close to Mitch, too. So they’re both gonna acively grieve. But before that they needed/need to “have hard conversations” and be completely honest with each other. The 1x10 “fight” was the turning point, now they just need time to figure things out...separately (as individuals, not as a duo) and realize...things. 

[orderuponthe99prettygrimmdiaries]

Bite my tongue.

Been feeling so much this week, with so many things happening too... I was actually gonna do a post a couple days ago, but guess I ended up procrastinating again.

Funny, one of the things I wanted to write about was about learning when to bite your tongue. Recently I feel like I've been a little ranty again... And also, I guess some things are making me unsure who exactly to trust. Some people are great to vent to as they'll relate to your situation, but I guess as they say, the people you gossip with tend to also be the people who gossip about you.

So... Well.

And I guess my dumbass didn't get that message in my own head cos I just did something pretty dumb.

Things have been going pretty good with him again - we've been talking daily for over a week now. Maybe it's nothing really, but it means something to me. He's also been initiating a little more, replying to stuff that I'd expect him not to (not this one, or not yet).

Still no chance for a meet yet, though we did see each other at work last week. Yet another long story.

As usual, I'm still not really sure what's really happening and where's it really going... And today we had a convo that, I don't know, maybe led me to thinking a bit... So I just asked him something. That maybe would freak him out a bit. That maybe he would run for the hills and never return. And that I'd lose the friend I'd just got back...

Sigh.

But I really just wanted to try. And before I had asked him that, I saw how I was reacting to it... And I guess I just wanted to know for sure.

I mean I should be proud of myself that I asked him. Even if he doesn't reply at all, even if this is gonna be the last of it cos I scared him off. At least I would know... Finally.

And maybe it's kinda... Well... I don't even know what's the word to use. Someone who is seemingly right, but just no feels. So yes, after all this, I'm still hanging on to him, despite all that confusion and all. But I mean, it's not easy, is it? Maybe it's also not meant to be this tough, but I am willing to try...

For once I'm willing to trust my heart, trust myself. Trust him. Have faith and be confident in myself.

I'm not sure how good this mantra will do for me after that dumbass thing but.. we shall see.

I guess I'm trying to do that other thing I've been wanting to write about - communication. I'm not very good at saying no, or even confronting people. This has led to quite a lot of situations... And just kinda put myself in one again with another stranger guy 😪 also ironic I had just told my uni friend (whom I hadn't seen in ages) about the past few months, and then I put myself in the same situation.

I really need to learn how to communicate what I feel when I need to. Stop relying on ghosting people, at least let them know what they did.

There's probably much more that I wanna write about but I guess I'm a lil distracted now... Sigh. We shall see how it goes. But at least I guess I've kinda braced myself for it. I hope so. I really hope that it's not me just putting on a strong front cos this is such a bad time to fall apart.

But y'know what... Even so.. I believe in me. I got this. I picked myself up all those times. I can handle it. I'll just emerge stronger, no matter the outcome. And I guess I'll just learn something new.

X

[racingliners]

Since I’m in a bit of a mood this evening (watching ITV’s world cup coverage does that to you apparently), below is my slightly ranty thoughts on the whole Ronaldo to Juve rumours that’s been doing the rounds the past couple of days

Like the good journalist I am I should clear my my initial thoughts on the man before we start: 1. I respect him as a player, and I do see him as being very talented. 2. While I try to be neutral on clubs/teams/players I don’t follow or support, Ronaldo breaking my Bayern/Juve heart multiple times in the UCL the past two years has made me dislike him a bit.

Okay, so:

As a person, I’m not so keen on him (I just get this odd vibe off him, idk), and from what I’ve seen of him he comes across as a one-man-show kinda guy which is definitely not the mentality Juventus players have, all of them always put the club first. It never matters who scores the winning goal so long as it’s someone in a black and white shirt. I could be completely wrong, maybe he is a real team player guy but at least with Real I don’t get that vibe off him.

But I think my main issue is that is the move does happen, and Ronaldo does start being successful with Juve, is that all the people (okay, English people) who have talked down Juve or Serie A are suddenly going to start watching games and say it’s an amazing league when probably they were brushing it off two months ago.

Juventus are one of the biggest clubs in Europe, and are currently verging on the longest league winning streak in European history (all while dealing with big squad changes too by the way) and yet no one outside of Italy talks about it??? (v rude). And yet so many people here talk about La Liga and Real because of Ronaldo and it just really annoys me because you’re willing to talk about one star man and his club but not Juve and their multiple stars??? (we have 2 World Cup winners and many UCL finalists, so there’s that)

But my more serious concern is that Juve have a huge (and very talented) squad already, yes our main striker is Higuain (who bless his cotton socks tries his best) but the salary some people are reporting he might get makes me worried that Juve are going to sell some genuinely good players so financially they can make room for him which in my view is a bad move (re my earlier point: Juve’s style of play doesn’t necessarily mean we need a striker to score goals)

ANYWAY

I’m going to leave that there because I don’t know where I’m going with this, and if anyone tries to start some shit I’ll just ignore/block you because I REALLY don’t have the time to deal with that nonsense.