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themonkeycabal · 4 years ago

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The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, ep 3

Good morning!

Spoilers! of course

Previously on:

The new Captain America is a massive tool, but his buddy, "Battlestar" (lol), is a little bit adorable. They work for something called the Global Repatriation Council, which sounds like a bureaucratic delight and joy.

Bucky got arrested for skipping his therapy appointment to go to Germany (nothing good ever happens to you in Germany, Bucky. Stop going to Germany.) on a mission with Sam (the mission went badly). And once he's sprung from the clink, he and Sam are suckered into the most awkward team therapy session in many an age. Things Are Said and everybody ends up mostly feeling pretty bad about everything.

Speaking of feeling pretty bad about everything — we discover there was a black super soldier in the US Army during the Korean war who was repaid for his service by being imprisoned and made a lab rat for thirty years. Just as awful as it sounds.

Also our pseudo-terrorists from the first episode turn out to be a pack of idealistic kids who grew up in a blipped world and whose goals are probably as murky to them as they are to me. They, however, have pissed off somebody much bigger and badder (probably by stealing super soldier serum).

To find just what in the sam hill was going on with the super soldier serum being out in the wild, Bucky suggested they go talk to that very stable and rational repository of Hydra knowledge, Zemo. I'm sure this will go swimmingly.

I've got my chips and guac and beer, it's 12:30 a.m., and I'm ready for some good ol' fashioned fisticuffs! Bring it, Marvel,

And we open with a sunny, smiley propaganda ad for the Global Repatriation Council. Helping you get back to the way things used to be. Reset. Restore. Rebuild. Cut to a shady black police van with the GRC logo and militarized police hop out along with Captain Massive Tool and the shield that really shouldn't be his. They seem nice.

"Don't give them a second to delete, shred, or breathe," says Captain Biggest Bestest Hero Ever as they prepare to breach a graffiti covered building. Ah, it's the hideout in Munich where Karli and the flag stompers gang were bunked last episode. The owner refuses to give up any info, calls them brutes, spits in Captain Tool's face, and Captain Biggest Bestest Hero Ever roughs him up and yells "Do you know who I am?" The owner replies for us all, "yes, I do, and I don't care."

Captain Tool leaves and grumbles about not having intel on that super dangerous criminal 12-year old, Karli. Battlestar (lol) points out she's giving shelter and meds to displaced people, and so they're loyal. And I'm just going to let that go at this point, because last ep she was on about how the GRC only cared about helping the returning people and not the people who were there all along, and the Flag Smashers wanted to return the world to how it was during the blip. But now suddenly they're all about helping the displaced, who I thought were the ones who were gone, thus, you know, being displaced when they come back to a world that's moved on without them. And I'm letting it go …. now.

Or not. I mean, I guess we could say that they're helping the displaced the GRC doesn't want to help, because they're not politically useful or the GRC is funneling its massive resources somewhere else. Or … something. Like I said, it's all very murky at the moment. I could keep watching and probably discover the answer. And I'm sure the GRC is corrupt as hell, so you go Karli! Though, she's like 16 (okay, maybe early 20s), and I'm not sure how she's managed this level of pull and resources in the few months since the great Un-Blippening and also she's got like a team of 8 (or 7, one died last ep) and she's not exactly oozing charisma. But, never mind. Moving on. For real this time.

That's all my way of saying that 3:48 into this episode and I'm already super done with Captain Massive Tool.

In Berlin, Bucky and Sam are visiting Zemo in prison. How'd they get permission? The guard seems very chill about them being there, he even leaves so Bucky and Sam can go to Zemo's cell alone. Which is so very weird. Are they hoping somebody will shank the weirdo who sits in his cell listening to opera and playing chess all day? "Oh no, he's dead, how sad. Heinrich! Get the mop!"

Anyway, Bucky says he'll go in alone, because Sam's an Avenger and Zemo doesn't really have warm fuzzy feelings for Avengers. Sam, who is currently in possession of the duo's one (1) brain cell, remembers how Zemo literally stalked Bucky and tried to frame him for a bombing and mass murder. "He was obsessed with Hydra. We have a history together," is Bucky's very questionable counter-argument. Well, I mean, technically yes, I guess.

Seriously, they just let him walk right in. Wow.

Zemo steps out of the improbably dark recesses of his cell and immediately starts reciting the Winter Soldier control words. "I just wanted to see how the new you reacts to the old words." By staring. It's his thing.

"For what it's worth, I'm sorry. It was never personal." I don't know why, but this made me laugh. His delivery is great. It's just like "hey man, good to see you again, hope you got past that whole framing you for murder and the global manhunt thing. Sorry and all. I just really hated your BFF for that time he dropped a city on my family. Bygones, amiright?"

Bucky skips the chat. "Somebody recreated the super soldier serum. I need to find out who." Ah, Zemo is super interested. But, of course. He killed all the other Soldiers, he wouldn't be keen on others around, would he?

Zemo knows where to begin looking for the answer. Cut to Sam and Bucky walking around in a dark room full of some sort of vague equipment (ah, it's a garage), Sam regretting every life decision he's ever made that led him to this point "what are you talking about you want to break Zemo out of jail? Where the hell are we? Buck, have you lost your mind?" Stupidity, who knows, and yes.

"Zemo's going to mess with our minds. Especially yours. No offense." "Offense." lol idiots.

Bucky finds the lights. They argue some more about Zemo. "Super soldiers go against everything he believes in. He is crazy, but he still has a code." Sam's like, yeah, I saw his code, it was blow shit up and kill a lot of people. Sam cannot believe he is hearing this crap right now and he's got to be like "steve rogers, if you weren't 106 I would beat your ass for leaving me with this moron".

"Let me just walk you through a hypothetical. Can I walk you through a hypothetical?" Sam, feeling those cold, tingly chills, the slowly creeping horror of realization, "What did you do?" "I didn't do anything," Bucky lies like the terrible liar he is. Wow he's a bad liar.

Cut back to Zemo's prison cell. Zemo ticks another off the "creepy euro villain" checklist, when Bucky randomly asks what he's reading and Zemo says Machiavelli. But of course. He's hiding something in his book. A key card.

Meanwhile, in the garage Bucky is explaining things to Sam. "The weakest point of any system isn't the software, or the hardware, it's the meatware." lol elegantly put, Bucky. "The human element."

Anyway, to sum up, Bucky's already broken Zemo out of prison. Poor Sam, the look on his face as Bucky hypotheticals through all the steps of the breakout, I laughed so hard.

Sam: “i hate everything, especially this asshole”

"And where are we?" Sam asks, very fed up with Things.

The door opens and here comes Zemo in his purloined guard's uniform.

"You're going back to prison!" "We need him, Sam." Zemo, politely, "If I may—" "NO!" "NO!"

Argue argue argue. Bucky makes a weird pitch about how Steve didn't sign the Sokovia Accords and neither did Sam and, they went all illegal and on the run, they did it for him and so he's asking Sam to do that again. I mean, Sam's still slightly cheesed about that, Bucky. But, it seems to work, and Sam agrees with A Great Deal Of Reluctance.

Zemo's just standing there all quiet and well-mannered as they go through this, like he's their little pet whackjob.

The garage is full of classic cars belonging to Zemo and they're full of weapons and other goodies. He says he spent years tracking down all the Hydra people who might know how to make the serum, because if it's out there, then somebody could create an army of people like the Avengers. He's taking clothes out of one of the cars and finds a purple ski mask, which he stealthily slips into a bag. Nobody cares about your weird purple mask, Zemo, I've thought that thing was dumb for 30 years.

"To do this, we'll have to scale a ladder of low-lifes." heh

Next they go to an airfield. In Germany. You guys, come on.

Anyway, Zemo owns a plane, he's rich, his family was royalty, he's a baron. Sam's like 'wtf?' Bucky just rolls with everything. Or he does until they're on the plane later and Zemo has somehow lifted Bucky's book of amends and decides to read through it. "Who is Nakajima?" And Bucky's got him by the throat.

Sam's all hey that's Steve's book. "I told him about Trouble Man, he wrote it in that book. Did you hear it? What did you think?" "I like 40s music, so…" "You didn't like it?!?!?!?!" "I liked it." Zemo chimes in, "It is a masterpiece, James. Complete, comprehensive. It captures the African-American experience." lol wtf

"Everybody loves Marvin Gaye," Sam is so offended. "I like Marvin Gaye," Bucky says, probably trying to remember 'who is Marvin Gaye?' "Steve *adored* Marivn Gaye," Sam insists. lol. I like Marvin Gaye, Sam.

Zemo starts going off about Steve, and how the danger with those heroes and super soldiers is they're put on a pedestal and we forget about their flaws. And while he's not wrong, he also clearly wants Sam to throw him out of that airplane.

"Do we want to live in a world with people like the Red Skull? No. That is why we're going to Madripoor." Ahh Madripoor, I haven't thought about that place in a long, long time. A wretched hive of scum and villainy, iirc. Ah, yes, Zemo and Bucky confirm.

Zemo says they can't go as themselves and Bucky's going to have to "become someone you claim is gone". Bucky looks Deeply Unhappy.

On to a GRC resettlement camp in Latvia. Karli is playing soccer with some young kids. Because of the good-natured idealism. She's summoned to a hospital bed, in a ward stuffed with beds in an old, fancy building that's seen better days. Somebody is dying and she's crying at their bedside. Her mom maybe?

Back to Madripoor. It's a glittering city of colorfully-lit skyscrapers. The trio are walking across a bridge to give us a picturesque view and exposit about what they'll be doing. Sam is wearing a very questionable suit with like a black and red floral pattern and yellow-green circles. Or something. I can't tell what's going on with that thing. He says he looks like a pimp. Well no, but it is a terrible suit. Zemo calls it fashion forward, but Zemo wears a great coat with a fur collar and a purple ski mask. Don't take fashion tips from Zemo.

He says Sam will play a "sophisticated, charming, African rake, named Conrad Mack. Aka the Smiling Tiger." Sam is still not thrilled, "even has a bad nickname." Though, yes, the original dude does dress that poorly and he looks like Sam, so suck it up, Sam.

Fortunately they don't have to walk all the way across the bridge (it is a long ass bridge), they're met by a car about halfway and Zemo says they have to super duper stay in character no matter what happens.

The car is surrounded by elaborately decorated motorcycles ridden by very armed people. Hell of a welcome wagon. They're escorted to a graffitied, crumbling underpass, presumably the entrance to Low Town. It's part Macao, part Kowloon, part Jakarta, crammed full of neon and people and ramshackle buildings piled together in a maze of narrow streets, rails, and weird building-to-building bridges. Good set design.

Everybody is "fashion forward" and very heavily armed. They pass a wall with the words "Power Broker Is Watching". That's the charming fellow Karli and her do-gooders stole from.

They enter a bar decorated with golden baboon skulls and koi fish. Zemo asks "are you ready to comply, Winter Soldier?" he's attracted attention from unsavory sorts. I mean, more unsavory than the already unsavory sorts who fill the bar. The bartender is surprised to see Zemo and the Smiling Tiger. Zemo asks for Selby.

Somebody at a nearby table pulls a hood over her head, and by somebody I mean Sharon Carter. NOT SUBTLE SHARON!

Bartender asks the Smiling Tiger if he wants the usual and Sam silently nods. The bartender seems suspicious, but he takes a pickled snake out of a jar, cuts something out of it, drops it in a glass and places it in front of Sam who's like 'what in the actual I am going to puke'. lol Sam bravely tosses it back and does not puke no matter how much he really wants to and he really wants to. Bucky's being the Winter Soldier and is not at all laughing in his head about this.

A power broker minion comes over and tells Zemo he's not welcome there. Zemo says if PB wants him to leave, he can talk to him himself or bring Selby. The minion looks at Bucky and asks if he got a new haircut. Bucky gives him pure murder face. So the Power Broker and his minions know the Winter Soldier, so they were Hydra? Or, I guess, they all ran in the same shady circles.

Anyway, PUNCHING AT LAST! Power Broker minions approach to remove Zemo and Zemo tells the Winter Soldier to attack. Bucky is not pleased, but I am, because now there's punching. It's just been the sort of week that needs punching to improve it. Bar brawl! It's a lopsided fight, Bucky's wiping the floor with these dudes and the suspicious bartender is moving away to make a call.

"It didn't take much for him to fall back into form," Zemo tells Sam. Shut your pie hole, Zemo. Aw, now the guns come out and the fight's over. Zemo calls off the Winter Soldier and the bartender tells them Selby will see them.

Selby is lounging in her backroom, listening to 50s french pop, and hanging out with lizards and piles of cash. As you do. She'd like to know why Zemo is there and by the way wasn't he in prison? She makes a weird purring sound at Sam. lol. I like her. The actress looks familiar but I can't place her. Anyway.

Zemo says if she tells them what she knows about the super soldier serum, he'll give her the Winter Soldier and his control words. Then Zemo weirdly fondles Bucky's face and like rubs at the cleft in his chin. lol. fucking weirdo.

Selby is charmed. She says she's glad she didn't kill him straight away. Weirdos of a feather, I suppose. Anyway, she says the serum is in Madripoor and developed by Dr. Wilfred Nagel. He was working for the PB. She won't give up Nagel's location for free, though. …and Sam's phone rings. Pro tip, Sam: turn off your phone when you go into meetings with deeply shady crime bosses.

Everybody stops and stares at him and he just sort of lets it ring. It's his sister. Dude, just turn it off. Too late. Selby wants him to answer it on speaker. Okay, well, she'll kill you either way, so just refuse the call and get ready for punching and running. So, he answers it.

Sarah says she needs to talk to him about the situation and he wants her to say exactly what situation. So, she says the one with the boat, dummy, and are you high? So he's going to play this off as a Doing Crime phone call. And it kind of works until Sarah calls him Sam. Selby's like wtf kill them and then she gets shot in the chest by … I don't know who? somebody from the outside. Now this trio of geniuses is going to get blamed for it. Immediately a bounty for them goes out to like everybody in Low Town. lol. That went well, guys.

And the shooting starts, they run. Except not so great for Sam who we just discovered is wearing heels. "I can't run in these heels!"

Here come the bikers. And they get picked off by somebody in a nearby warehouse. Oh, is that Sharon? Yep. And she's salty .When asked what she's doing there, "I stole Steve's shield, remember? I also took the wings for your ass so you (sam) could save his ass (bucky) from his ass (zemo)." lol. She didn't have any backup so she's off the grid in Madripoor. Did nobody think to clear her after everybody was all heroic and then pardoned after the Un-Snappening? Come on, guys.

She's better than they deserve and despite being bitter, she says she's got a place in High Town they can hide.

Sharon runs a gallery selling stolen masterpieces and other hot craft goodies. The creators of this show bless us with a long shirtless Sam scene as he changes out of this Smiling Tiger duds and apologizes to Sharon. She says she'd be arrested if she went back to the States and Madripoor doesn't allow extradition. Besides, she muses, heroing is hypocritical bullshit. Right Sam, since you gave up the shield and all. And Sam's all "bwhu?"

Then she turns her bitter on Bucky and asks how the new Cap is and Bucky's like "i hate him the most" and she's all 'come on', she knows he buys into all that heroic bullshit, "before you were his (zemo) pet psychopath you were Mr America, Cap's best friend." Well, no before that he was the Winter Soldier long before Zemo.

"Wow, she's kind of awful now," Bucky tells Sam. lol. You really get a sense of how much Bucky lucked out with his goat farm. Thanks Wakanda!

Sam gets them back to the point and wants to know where Nagel is, though Sharon says they should stay out of it to be safe. Sam presses, he says he can help clear Sharon's name and she's like 'wow, bargaining with my life?' but he gives her a Cap-worth speech about trying. "They cleared the bionic staring machine and he's killed almost everybody he's met." "I heard that," Bucky says from ten feet away. "I don't trust charity." You just tried to guilt him about bargaining with your life, Sharon!

Anyway, they strike a deal.

Zemo's being suspiciously quiet.

Then they go to a rave. Madripoor is party central. Sharon's gallery is hosting a party for clients and whatnot. She'll see what she can find. For some reason she invites the boys to join her at the party because hiding from the bounty on them and probably also from the Power Broker means walking into parties packed full of the sort of people who buy expensive stolen goods in Madripoor, like say, the Power Broker or his wealthier minions.

Zemo's just happy to be out of prison. The shot of him dancing. lol.

Sharon finds a lead on Nagel and the next day this quartet of galaxy brains heads to the docks. Nothing bad ever happens when you go look for scientists at the docks. No sir. And he is apparently hanging out in a shipping container. Sharon's like hurry up you've got a bounty on your heads and I'm sick of you three already.

The container is empty, but Sharon insists it's the right one. Zemo goes in and finds the false back which leads to a set of stairs going up. "Comin' Home Baby" is playing in the distance. I know I always listen to Mel Torme when I'm tinkering on gene-altering serums in my secret shipping container lab.

They find Dr. Nagel, who is not keen on chatting but he's willing to maybe listen to offers. He's definitely the mad scientist type.

Sharon, keeping watch outside, spots trouble. Some bad guys heading towards the container. She attacks! Moar punchies! Or beating the shit out of people with a baton. It's eleventy zillion bounty hunters. How did they find them? Did that Very Wanted Trio maybe go to a very popular party the night before, or something?

Bucky attempts to persuade Nagel with his gun. Nagel says he was brought in to Hydra to work on the Winter Soldier program. Then he was recruited by the CIA. They had blood samples of a subject (Isaiah? the black super soldier from last ep), and he was able to recreate the serum off of that. "I was a god! I did what no other scientist since Erskine was able to do."

Zemo is pacing around like a very, very angry psycho about to shoot the mad scientist. Guys, maybe it wasn't a good idea to bring Zemo to the person who could create the super soldier serum, given that is the opposite of what he wants. Kill Nagel, no more super soldiers. This is gonna end bloody. Zemo seems to have found a gun hidden in the lab. Yep.

"How have we never heard about this?" Sam asks. Well Sam, it turns out Nagel was blipped. Thanks, Thanos! Anyway, when he came back the CIA project was abandoned but the Power Broker was happy to help fund him. He made 20 vials and Karli stole those. And then Karli being a super duper genius, called him a few days earlier and asked if he could help somebody dying of tuberculosis. Karli … don't call the bad guys and ask for help after you stole from them. That's like day one stuff, kiddo.

Meanwhile, Sharon is still fighting every bounty hunter in Madripoor. She's killed like twenty guys.

Sharon runs in "guys we're seriously out of time" and Zemo takes the distraction to shoot Nagel. Who didn't see that coming? Oh yeah, Sam and Bucky and Sharon. Nobody was using the one (1) brain cell today. Or Zemo was. That's what you get for loaning it to the lunatic.

And then somebody fires a freaking rocket at the shipping container lab. Man. But, can you collect a bounty if all that's left are unidentifiable, charred corpses? Nobody in Madripoor is using the brain cell today.

Now they're trapped in a burning lab that's full of probably very bad explosive chemicals and o2 tanks. And yep, it partially blows up. Zemo gets away. Or seems to have, anyway. It's a gun battle now and also arguing. lol. Sharon's like "FOR REAL YOU IDIOTS?"

Oh, here comes Zemo, stomping along the top of a shipping container, carrying his purple ski mask. He fires at a gas line, the explosion distracting the bounty hunters and giving the trio time to run. Zemo beats up some bounty hunters and then finds a convertible muscle car in a container and swings by to pick up the others. Sam is very grumpy "you're going back to jail". lol.

Sharon's like 'okay, buh-bye!', she's had enough. Aww, is she really only in one episode? Well, Sam does promise to try and get her that pardon, so …

Anyway, Bucky calls shotgun and refuses to move the seat up for Sam. Payback is sweet. Heh.

Oh, not done with Sharon yet. She meets a minion and says they've got a couple of big problems.

Lithuania. Karli and one of her pals are stalking a GRC depot. Karli's sad. Her buddy says she should take some time to mourn. But, no, she's got do-gooding to do. They chat for a bit about what they'd be doing if they weren't do-goodering. She'd be a teacher or some such. They were all in Madripoor, washed up there during the blip, put then put out when everybody returned. Hmm. Lots of expositioning. Blah blah, scary taking the serum. "But it was worth it, because this world is ours." And they're going to give it to the kids in the displacement camps. … alrighty then.

Anyway, she's convinced that now that Nagel is dead, the Power Broker will come to her begging for the rest of the serum. No, sweety, I really don't think a person like that begs. Yikes.

"So we've got the one fight ahead of us then? I'll take those odds," says her very dim buddy.

In the prison in Berlin, Captain Massive Tool is talking to the guards about how Sam and Bucky where there when Zemo escaped and the guard's all "you … you don't think they had something to do with him getting out…." World class security. I find it really grating that Captain Tool calls Sam and Bucky by their first names. It's just so weirdly familiar that it almost crosses into dismissive. Completely unearned familiarity.

Lemar says they can't just accuse Sam and Bucky without evidence, but Captain Tool seems to think they can just, you know, make it up or some shit. "If we get the job done, do you think they're going to sweat us on the how?" Fuck you, Captain Tool.

Back in Zemo's plane, Bucky's fastidiously cleaning his metal arm, like a big grumpy cat. And Sam is trying to get a lead on the person (Madani) Nagel told him Karli wanted to help. He's got Torres on it.

They get to talking about the shield and how many people died or got messed up because of it/the serum. Sam says he made a mistake giving it up and he should have destroyed it. Bucky says, "Look that shield represents a lot of things to a lot of people, including me. The world is upside down, we need a new Cap, and it ain't gonna be Walker [preach]. So before you destroy it, I'll take it from him myself." Kick his ass, Bucky!

Torres gets back to Sam just as Zemo brings them lunch. Such a good host. "They found Madani. Dead. She died in Riga, a city near the Baltic Sea." … was that last bit really necessary? Like Riga is such a mystery? Even if you don't know where it is, like, that's so weirdly clunky. Somehow I think if you don't know Riga, you probably don't have the Baltic in the map in your head, either. 'Have you ever been to London? A city on the River Thames.' 'I've always wanted to go to Los Angeles, a city near the Pacific Ocean.'

Bucky should have said "oh yeah, i love Riga. I killed a diplomat there back in '64. Great beer."

Zemo's got a place they can go and he's looking forward "to coming face to face with Karli." Not creepy at all, Zemo. Nope.

Meanwhile, the kids are raiding the GRC depot and chatting way too much and calling each other by name. Oh dear.

"Filthy Flag Smashers" grumps a soldier tied up on the floor. I can't take them at all seriously with a name like that. Karli says they had six months of supplies just sitting there. "Don't you understand, we're fighting for our lives." Are you? Why and in what way?

Okay, so this is my continuing issue here. They're trying to build up this un-Blipped world, which is great, but they're doing it through So Much Exposition and so much of it is vague. We're supposed to think the GRC are probably shady, but are they? I don't know. Could be. They're sitting on these supplies! Evil! Maybe they are, but why? Why stockpile all that? Is it being sold on a black market? Or diverted to other people? Who knows! I don't. You don't.

We're supposed to sympathize with the Flag Munchers, but they're so vague in their goals. They want the world back how it was during the Blip. Okay. How was it? I don't know. What was so great about it? What we saw in Endgame didn't look all that great. But, we saw it from a different point of view, to be sure. So, what was it like for the average person who survived? Hell if I know. Also the Munchers want to help the people in the displacement camps. Okay. So do those two goals go together? I don't know. Are all the displacement camps bad? We're meant to think so, but I don't know. Is it just some of them? Is it regional? Who, exactly, are the displaced? It seems to be a mix of those who were blipped and those who weren't. I guess. I don't know.

It's just all taken out of the Big Book Of Cliched Assumptions for Lazy Worldbuilding. Why actually do the hard work of details, when they can just fall back on tropes, make vague pronouncements about how 'bad' things are, and let us assume the answers. This might bother me less if we didn't have to spend so much time with Captain Tool and the Flag Munchers. I cannot tell you how much I currently don't care. I find this all very frustrating. I don't mean to spoil the fun. Let me look at Sam's face again:

That was better. But, I stopped too soon. We're still with the Munchers.

They're leaving the building they just looted, and there’s a bit of business I don’t care about, involving Karli’s car and how she’s not taking it, she’s going to just leave it parked, completely unsuspiciously in front of the building. And, she’s going to ride with her pal Mr. Dimbulb.

She tells him to put his seatbelt on and she's very insistent. And then her car blows up and the building catches fire and it’s very dramatic.

Her buddy's like wtf there were people in there and Karli says, "This is the only language these people understand." ARGH. Who people? Why is bombing them the only language they understand? Like, in this show, the GRC have literally DONE NOTHING. Nothing we’ve seen and nothing we’ve heard. At least have people chat about dark and dire rumors or something. Hell, they haven’t even been accused of doing anything other than ‘caring more about the people who returned than the ones who never left’ which is literally their job. sighing all night long. Maybe they’re horrible and evil and the Worst Thing Ever. But I DON’T KNOW THAT, because nothing in the show has bothered to establish that.

ANYWAY

Riga, a city on the Baltic Sea

The trio are walking down the street, Zemo expositing for us again. Sokovia was apparently swallowed by neighboring countries, erased from the map. "I don't suppose any of you bothered visiting the memorial? Of course not. Why would you?"

Bucky's looking not happy. Probably remembering '64. They get to Zemo's place and Bucky says he's going to go on a walk. Zemo and Sam go on ahead and Bucky watches until they're out of sight and he circles back and finds a beeping thingy on the ground. He notices something across the street. Ah another round beepy thing. Now he's collecting them. He steps into an alley and says, "You dropped something". Nobody immediately appears.

"I was wondering when you were going to show up." And he turns around and it's one of the Dora Milaje. She looks unhappy and she’d like to know where Zemo is. Yeah, the Wakandans are not just gonna let Zemo wander free. That's a sticky situation you got yourself in, White Wolf.

Credits.

Well, I really enjoyed the bits that didn't contain the Flag Munchers or Captain Tool. Do better with your world-building, people.

#tfatws #tfatws spoilers #tfatws liveblog #the falcon and the winter soldier #the falcon and the winter soldier spoilers #long post #sorry this got away from me

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arata-is-a-dunce · 4 years ago

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The Kanoichi Clan

*This will be long, but bare with me. Please note that this is all speculation and not concrete.*

I have been thinking about this clan. But specifically on one bitch.

Kanoichi Satoru’s deadbeat dad. (I don’t really like the man. And this will be more bashing on the man because of what he did to Satoru.)

Is this man even alive? Don’t know but for now, let’s say yes.

I will focus on Kanoichi-san and his son.

For the rest of this thing, I will call the father “Kanoichi-san” and Satoru “Satoru” or “Kanoichi-kun.”

I am not apologizing for anything that might make one mad and I don’t condone what Satoru did in his introduction. This is to look at the characters on a deeper level.

Anyway, without further ado

This bitch would have allowed his son to be permanently disfigured (at worst, killed) for the house god beside him.

So, exactly what would his reaction be to our main character?

Let’s get a little deeper with this.

According to Satoru, his father had never been like this before. He would never have sacrificed his son for anything. But let’s let it be known that children never know their parents’ true colors until later.

Could it be that Satoru’s father had always been like this, and this incident revealed that to Satoru? Kanoichi-san probably didn’t care much about his son, seeing him as nothing but a tool that can be replaced. He can make more children if Satoru was to die, as stated in these panels.

“Unfortunately, that boy cannot be used as a threat. I can always make another child after all.”

“His eyes . . . His heart . . . Go ahead and gouge them out.”

This fucker, didn’t see Satoru as his son in this moment. “That boy” instead of “my son” or “Satoru” as in Japanese they don’t really have “he/her” pronouns. (Or is it just “you” that they don’t have a word for?)

Anyway. He didn’t care.

Satoru believes that his father would never have done that if it hadn’t been for the Another.

If it had been a different situation, I do believe Kanoichi-san wouldn’t have cared either way. He would have allowed the perpetrator to kill Satoru at any point no matter the situation.

Kanoichi-san probably never cared for his family and Satoru is finally seeing it, but the situation warped his way of thinking. Instead of finding blame in his father’s actions (or lack thereof), he placed the blame on the Another who is protecting them (I think this is how that works, correct me if I am wrong). The Another is there to help prosper the family and home, keeping it safe.

In the anime, during this flashback, Akane was saying how she’s gotten to understand Suzu (the mansion god) a lot better since Arata had come by. She compares Arata to Kanoichi-san:

“Everytime I see how Miyako-san acts with Anothers, I remember my uncle . . . your father. He was friends with Anothers. He was Suzu-sama’s best friend.”

(We also get his face here instead of the manga. Strange. They might have pulled things from the latest volumes.)

(The man would probably be in his late 50s-late 60s now depending on how old he was when he had Satoru. And he would probably not look a day over 40. Here he does look well into his early 30s but it’s difficult to tell.)

In this scene, Satoru and Akane spoke in a way that it came across that Satoru’s father (Akane’s uncle) has passed away.

As noted by Akane saying “[he] was Suzu-sama’s best friend.”

In the manga, the wording is a little different.

“He was even getting along with the mansion god . . .”

“The mansion god” is used instead of “Suzu-sama.”

A little odd on why the anime added more to the elevator scene and changed up Akane and her relationship with the Zashiki-warashi. (Unless that’ll be something later down the road in the series and they just pulled it towards the beginning.)

Again note the change in wording. Here she says

“It reminds you of . . . your father.”

Not whatever she said in the anime. Not the “I remember . . .” but the “It reminds you . . . ”

This makes it a bit more meaningful. Allows us to see a different side. Everytime Satoru sees Arata acting in such a way, he’s thinking of his father. He’s remembering his trauma and what had led up to it, the why he has a scar in the first place.

There’s also this tidbit in the same page:

“Do you leave it there just to spite him?”

Satoru still keeps the scar to spite his father and the clan. And Satoru has made it clear to the audience the only reason he hasn’t given up his family name and turned his back on the clan is because Akane is still there.

So, these are giving mix signals. Is Kanoichi-san still alive or has he passed and Kanoichi-kun is trying to hold onto something as a reminder?

Kanoichi-san is . . . something.

I doubt he’s ever been a good father. He is probably one of those fathers that choose their obsesssion (work or hobby or something) over their own family.

The Zarashiki-warashi is the reason they are prospering. As stated by Satoru here:

You can see his anger but also the fear that he probably still holds.

He doesn’t see the worth in being a sacrifice for prosperity. And I don’t see it either. It isn’t worth sacrificing your child to live a prosperous life unless you’re a greedy person.

And he doesn’t trust Arata because he fears that he will sacrifice a human if it meant appealing to Anothers. He doesn’t have a reason to trust Arata either. He doesn’t know him other than as a new face in the work—naive and ignorant and fully willing to be all buddy-buddy with the beings that messed his life up.

So Kanoichi-san is a person willing to sacrifice his own child for the sake of keeping an Another safe. What’s not to stop him from sacrificing something or someone else for something even smaller?

This will now go into my theory of how Kanoichi-san will react to Miyako Arata. You can skip straight to the comments to rebuttal me.

If anything Kanoichi-san probably has an obsession with Anothers (not like Saejima). It’s toned down, nonchalant with the need to know, to find out. He is patient and does not rush, calm and cautious with his movements.

(I’m trying to think of an anime villain. Probably Aizen from Bleach? Dude planned for hundreds of years and experimented and got things done without rushing and it bore fruit.)

So say, Kanoichi-san is all the willing to watch the pieces on a chessboard fall, being careful in his movements and will take out and sacrifice anything along the way. (I’m not a chess player so this metaphor probably doesn’t make sense but pretend it does)

All of a sudden, some kid comes out of nowhere being able to speak to these creatures that have always fascinated him. This kid can understand them and learn from the creatures than whatever theories the humans make up. He would probably watch carefully from the shadows to see what he kind of information could extract before striking.

Arata is a fascinating character to the outside world. He is descended from a great onmyōji and has this man’s rare ability. So, now, he’s also fascinated by this human.

Patience can always wear thin and break.

Since he would give up his own son to protect an Another. What lengths would he go to get this human with the ability to speak to them on his side?

They are of a prominent clan, so they would be rich. Money could go a long way. Money could sway others where it won’t sway some.

He could most likely get away with kidnapping, yes?

But that’s a thought for another time.

Kanoichi-san gives off these little vibes of an antagonist who’s willing to wait in the weeds for the right opportunity. He will probably resort in taking Arata if it means helping him get close to Anothers. (Trying to think of character who betrayed mc after “teaching” them. Can’t think of anyone atm. Anyone know of anyone?)

(Wait, Kray to Galo. Even if he wasn’t really a teacher nor liked Galo.)

If Kanoichi-san is to cross paths with Arata, then I fear for the redhead. He will probably not see anything wrong with talking about Anothers with someone willing to listen after having been brushed off (maybe a little iffy cause dude bro is sketchy and related to trigger-happy Satoru). Because of this, he doesn’t really delve into weaknesses since he doesn’t really know them. He keeps important information to himself.

Despite being a patient person, Kanoichi-san finally allows himself to move.

Then, well, RIP Arata I guess.

Of course, this is all speculation. Except for the Satoru’s part because wow, he got the short end of the stick. I do feel bad for him, but I don’t condone his burning of babies.

Same with Sakaki Kyouichi, don’t condone him at all in the Hell Arc. I will get into that another time.

I bid you farewell with a soft Satoru. Look at him, baby.

#mayonaka no occult koumuin #midnight occult civil servants #kanoichi akane #kanoichi satoru #kanoichi clan #kanoichi-san #mnok manga spoilers #mnok headcannons #mnok theories #is this a character study?#miyako arata #ears of sand #mnok anime spoilers

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creepweirdo · 4 years ago

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hi emily! yeah it’s boxing day here (i see you trying to figure out where i am haha) after a nice socially distanced christmas. i am on a break from work for a bit so it’s time for lots of food and relaxing. omg i got some much kpop content yesterday a 4 hour vlive on christmas eve, then my bias did his own vlive on christmas morning (sorry fam, i’m um busy i’ll join zoom later) and released a christmas song dfjk there are so many groups you’d never find them just from that info tho howl’s

moving castle is amazing if a bit wild on the story but i just love the world, it’s so nice and pretty. also good taste on the yunmeng sibs. i think i’m a less gremlin wwx with some hints of jc but no yanli – she’s too saintly for me haha ahh your christmas is a bit like mine, we had a morning catch up call then we mostly do our own thing. we don’t really celebrate it’s just an excuse for nice food! i hope your lunch with your friend went well! we’re still socially distancing here so i’m

meeting my bestie sometime next week in a park. (it’s so cold and rainy tho urgh). ok mdzs q - if there was a cql spin-off, which character(s) would you like it to be about? and what is one thing you wish for the next year (if we assume covid is gone asap) / your cc💜

hi classified cultivator!!!!!

HAHAHA i’m almost there lmaooo i just gotta figure exactly where in great britain. i hope you had a good boxing day!! did you buy anything with the boxing day sales 😁❤️ ahaha lots of food and relaxing 😍 soooo good. LMAOOOO that’s so funny 💀 yeah duh you have priorities ❤️ omg a christmas song!!! in four days once the reveal happens please tell me all about your faves and bias bc i’m already obsessed HAHAH. ahahah omg so true, my family isn’t religious at all, we just use the holiday as an excuse for food and presents too 💀💀

my lunch went really well 😁 in melbourne/all of victoria we haven’t had any community transmitted covid cases for over 60ish days so we’re allowed to go out and about! i don’t know what i was thinking but i thought boxing day lunch was a thing???? and thought that it would be sooooo busy and going out would be a hassle but we were like the only people at the restaurant 💀it felt crazy hahah

that’s nice!!!! the same friend and i did a lot of picnics together when we could only go outside for one hour a day. but ahaha yeah the cold and rain 😭 tbh i would do anything to trade our climates! it’s getting hotter and hotter in australia bc it’s summer and i’m not looking forward to consistent 30-40 degree days that are going to come in january and february 💔

oooo you always have such amazing questions!! ahah. my gut reaction is wanting a jiang cheng spin off. he deserves some happiness LMAOOO. idk what it should be about specifically about 🤔🤔 maybe the during the 13 years when wwx wasn’t around and with him alone and running lotus pier and with jin ling and interacting politically with the other sect leaders. tbh i would be fine with just having just a slice of life with no real action 💀

lol this is kind of sad: ahahah since i’m returning to uni next year, i’m wishing and hoping my back to school transition goes well! i sort of had academic burn out at the end of 2019 so i’m hoping that doesn’t happen to me again. and i’ve changed campus locations so i’m hoping that i make heaps of new friends and have a much better time on campus than i did in 2019 (the campus i was at was really small and not really one for socialisation) it’s kind of selfish but it’s what i’ve been wishing for ahaha ❤️

thank you for your questions!!! again i’m going to throw them back to you 😁 what spin off would you like to see? and what do you wish for next year?? have you seen both spin offs? (i still need to see the wen ning and wen yuan one 😳😳 hahah whoops)

#mdzsnetcc

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tiffgeorgina · 5 years ago

Text

alright trailer thoughts

watch it here slutties: https://twitter.com/SHOBlackMonday/status/1216778009044291585

1) HOLY FUCKING SHIT IT’S HERE THIS FEELS SURREAL

2) HOLYYY SHITTTT

3) but actually let’s get it. this song bangs showtime stays on their excellent editing.

4) trying to analyze showtime’s trailers is like trying to grab smoke so this is going to be extremely barebones for a while.

5) somebody drives off with the busted up limbo, but we can’t tell who it is yet bc their face never comes into view. they’re wearing a gray suit tho, so it may become more obvious who it is once the episode itself is out.

6) mo is being dramatic asf which as of 1x10 is perfectly in character lmfao

7) bro what the FUCK did you do to your hair i gotta ask fuck the 80s. also there’s this character on IMDb tagged “Vanessa (hair like mo)” so that makes more sense now maybe?

8) establishing shots that almost make me think mo is hiding out in california. since we know his orphanage story is bullshit, maybe he’s visiting family? maybe this is where that marcus wainright iii character comes in? since i dont think he’s in the trailer?

9) keith is living. almost has out-of-the-closet energy. i bet that scene of him roller skating is either after a) he comes out to his wife and divorces her or b) he gets a call from mo and flies straight out to cali to meet up with him.

10) the editing is so good you guys holy shit they jsut never quit over there do they?

11) a shot of mo in some suburb. could be a family member or a friend’s house? which again leads me to think he’s in california.

12) there’s this TV show called “America’s Most Unsolved Crimes” that mo shows up on bc he’s being solely blamed for the crash. how dawn and blair managed to avoid any blame whatsoever is beyond me, but mo is an excellent scapegoat since he confessed on record. no idea who the guy sitting on the desk talking about him is tho, since he wasn’t announced as one of the new guest stars. probably just a one off. maybe this is where “reenactment dawn” comes in from the IMDb page?

13) mo is bringing back the 70s and i do not like it. when i said the 80s were cool bc nobody knew how to dress themselves This Is Not What I Meant.

14) he wouldn’t just casually play basketball with some random kids, these are probably either his cousins or his nephews or the kids of a friend. again leads me to believe he’s in california, possibly visiting marcus? it would make sense. either that or we finally get some real concrete background on mo that isn’t total bullshit.

15) keith is in contact with mo. it’s hard to tell if keith went to cali to see mo or if mo came to NY seeing as both are extremely suspicious. assuming mo is in cali that is. keith is definitely going to get mo back in the game. speaking of mo, this entire first 30 seconds is Mo-centric, so i bet mo’s arc is going to be plottier than blair or dawn’s in 1“A” (showtime doesn’t really have A and B arcs for this show bc there’s no midseason hiatus i just like the terminology)

16) throwback thursday lmfao

17) no idea who this guy shooting/probably fake shooting is?? like no idea. could be nothing of importance and just a transition filler/tone setting moment.

18) the heat is on motherfucker! let’s get this cat and mouse shit im ready for it!

19) here we go here’s dawn. back at the jammer group. back at DAWN AS THE PRESIDENT HIRING A BUNCH OF WOMEN???????? BIIIIIITTTTCCCCHHHH I LOVE TO SEE IT. INCLUDING DEANNA CHENG (she’s friends with casey which means she’s friends with half the cast we should’ve known she wasn’t going anywhere) AKA THE SALES CLERK WHO HARASSED DAWN IN 1X02????? YES BITHC

20) then wayne and yassir fucking it up (nice facial hair wayne it’s hideous kjsfkjdhg) and the women throwing paper at him??? LKJRHGKLJSERH????

21) blair and tiff dressed up??? guys. they’re going to some rich people gala thing. this is what i was talkinf about. im almost certain this is how blair and harris meet. their wives are gonna see each other after not having spoken in years bc of whatever but they used to be friends so they go to talk and the husbands and dragged along and *closet case to closet case communication sounds*

22) ok now BLAIR’S on the exercise craze? i thought that was just gonna be dawn like in s1 also how long is this exercise montage in the show bc there are some things a god fearing lesbian shouldn’t have to see. this weird mirror talking shit feels like voyeurism from this perspective i feel like i shouldn’t be seeing this.

23) she’s still topping him??? after all that??? aight yk it’s part of the dynamic

24) tiff is wearing the same dress in “you do, hunk” as she is in the bit where they get out of the limo and deal with the paparazzi so i presume that workout scene is immediately before that gala thing im establishing a #timeline

25) the skants reveal??? we call that PLOT DEVELOPMENT i love a good callback to the first season

26) the shocked gasp i can’t tell if it’s good or bad. also does this mean tiff’s starting her own company? since georgina is liquid?

27) larry telling dawn that mo’s on his way back for revenge? spliced with mo staring at the wall like he so frequently does while smoking? mayhaps this editing went off also i never thought i’d say this but the brotherfucker has a point mo is gonna pop off when he sees yall again

28) FBI wyd........ that’s a lot

29) that falling out last season bit: blair’s definitely talking about tiff’s parents, and im almost certain andrew flubbed right there and improvised over it by saying “autumn.” well im appreciative of that bc a) it’s funny and b) it indicates when this is going on a bit. it’s not like we’re two years in the future or anything. this is probably gonna start a couple of months after the crash and that’s it.

30) no idea who blair is talking to tho since i can’t see the woman’s face. could be one of tiff’s friends? idk. also nice hair tiff

31) that ball spinning around like a gumball in a machine? weird transition but aight. also immediately after, dawn is in the lehman office, again no idea why. probably the same scene as larry telling her that mo is plotting his revenge but idk why she’s there.

32) that shot of a plane coming into JFK? now im near certain that mo is in cali it would make so much sense please showtime just MAKE SENSE.

33) confetti and mo’s entrance? you know what it’s what i should’ve expected tbh it’s all so delightfully in character EDIT: THE CONFETTI IS NOT BEFORE MO’S ENTRANCE. YOU CAN SEE DAWN’S CLOTHES CHANGE COLOR, IT WAS JUST AN EDITING TRICK.

34) mo’s just gonna pull up, zero fucks, in the middle of the day. much different than how i thought this scene would go, with a lot of betrayal and drama involved instead of this bitch just pulling up. now idek if dawn and mo are in contact before this, when before i was almost certain they would be.

35) what blair says here is definitely not the first thing he says when mo walks in, i can tell from the editing. also im near certain that blair doesn’t say “bro.” it sounds edited in/done in post (his voice pitches up a lot there when that’s usually a beat when your voice would fall), so i wouldn’t be surprised if blair curses a lot there and they just had to edit it to stay in the green band.

36) ol polluted waterfall lookin ass jshgkjfdhg mo quit lying that hairstyle is not popular fuck off

37) im loving this tagging order tbh. paul scheer getting tagged in the trailer is just. what he deserves. do we consider keith a protagonist now? he’s in all the promo material by name and face now.

38) regina and andrew look so good god yes also the editing is so GOOD fuck

39) keith (hand holding emoji) blair

getting hit by random vehicles

40) NO THE LIMBO FUCK SHIT THESE CARS WERE NOT MEANT TO LAST almost looks deliberate :eyes emoji:

41) what’s keith doing with this barbershop quartet wtf

42) almost certain that’s tiff singing? based on 1x09 this oughta be good lmao

43) THE HEEL CLICKING IS TAKING ME OUT HGKJDHFGKJFD. could this be mo and marcus? who knows?

44) look at all the cash wtf what’s all that cash for? ah shit here we go again

45) tiff entering another dimension followed by dawn doing what is certainly a mountain of coke? kind of poetic cinema ok

46) ok dawn’s wearing that green suit again from my icon so??? what does it mean what does it all mean

47) who is mo squaring up with tf? is this marcus? i can’t tell in this lighting maybe it’s fake shooting guy idk also where the fuck are they? some party? but not a rich ppl thing just a thing? idk

48) guys. we have it. the fucking airdate. i have been stanning since the first fucking episode almost a year ago today and finally we have an airdate. respect to the new stans but yall dont know what seven and a half months of network radio silence in regards to your current obsession feels like. @hatimbinaba msged me and said we had a date and the shot of adrenaline i felt was like nothing else. serotonin is currently stored in the black monday and now the serotonin is stored in the ME. Sunday, March 15, 2020, 10 pm motherfuckers. put that shit on the calendar. also looks like we have a slightly earlier timeslot which is nice.

49) and to top (ahah) it all off we have blair just straight up gay panicking at the end. that’s definitely tuc and june and if yall have been following yall would know that tuc is playing blair’s love interest and june is playing tuc’s wife so this is all very jghsrkjghs im rly excited for this scene. no way of knowing if this is before or after blair and harris get together but it’s still kshgkdjhgdkj. rich people golfing? more like rich people existing lmao. also where’s that onion video i need to find the onion video fuck this is just like the onion said would happen. i will post it and make memes later.

50) then blair just gets hit??? by the golfcart?? and there’s this scream that is definitely not the scream of andrew, tuc or june so??? whose scream was that??? did they add that shit in post??? tf???? also tuc and june barely flinching is really decapitating me kjshkrjdg

51) there’s no way of knowing if tiff is also at the golf course, but if she isn’t? then it’s just blair and his canon love interest and canon love interest’s wife???? which is so funny “hey come play golf with me” “oh is anyone else coming?” “ya my wife” “you’re so stupid i have to question how you’re even still alive”

52) WHEEWWWW AND THAT’S IT YALL!!! BUT A COUPLE MORE THINGS. some distinct absences: no known shot of marcus (which is wack yall would think they would want to plug the hell out of dulé hill) and very few shots of harris and corky. why. promote your newcomers some more tf.

anyways that’s all on this long ass post. @ mutuals expect more freakouts xx love yall this is unedited just raw emotion

#black monday #andrew rannells #don cheadle #regina hall #trailer #showtime #slander

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angelofberlin2000 · 6 years ago

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Photo: Emily Denniston/Vulture and photos courtesy of the studios

Keanu Reeves has been a movie star for more than 30 years, but it seems like only recently that journalists and critics have come to acknowledge the significance of his onscreen achievements. He’s had hits throughout his career, ranging from teen comedies (Bill & Ted’s) to action franchises (The Matrix, John Wick), yet a large part of the press has always treated these successes as bizarre anomalies. And that’s because we as a society have never been able to understand fully what Reeves does that makes his films so special.

In part, this disconnect is the lingering cultural memory of Reeves as Theodore Logan. No matter if he’s in Speed or Bram Stoker’s Dracula or Something’s Gotta Give, he still possesses the fresh-faced openness that was forever personified by Ted’s favorite expression: “Whoa!” That wide-eyed exclamation has been Reeves’s official trademark ever since, and its eternal adolescent naïveté has kept him from being properly judged on the merits of his work.

Some of that critical reassessment has been provided, quite eloquently, by Vulture’s own Angelica Jade Bastién, who has argued for Reeves’s greatness as an action star and his importance to The Matrix (and 21st-century blockbusters in general). Two of her observations are worth quoting in full, and they both have to do with how he has reshaped big-screen machismo. In 2017, she wrote, “What makes Reeves different from other action stars is this vulnerable, open relationship with the camera — it adds a through-line of loneliness that shapes all his greatest action-movie characters, from naïve hotshots like Johnny Utah to exuberant ‘chosen ones’ like Neo to weathered professionals like John Wick.” In the same piece, Bastién noted: “By and large, Hollywood action heroes revere a troubling brand of American masculinity that leaves no room for displays of authentic emotion. Throughout Reeves’s career, he has shied away from this. His characters are often led into new worlds by women of far greater skill and experience … There is a sincerity he brings to his characters that make them human, even when their prowess makes them seem nearly supernatural.”

In other words, the femininity of his beauty — not to mention his slightly odd cadence when delivering dialogue, as if he’s an alien still learning how Earthlings speak — has made him seem bizarre to audiences who have come to expect their leading men to act and carry themselves in a particular way. Critics have had a difficult time taking him seriously because it was never quite clear if what he was doing — or what was seemingly “missing” from his acting approach — was intentional or a failing.

This is not to say that Reeves hasn’t made mistakes. While putting together this ranking of his every film role, we noticed that there was an alarmingly copious number of duds — either because he chose bad material or the filmmakers didn’t quite know what to do with him. But as we prepare for the release of the third John Wick installment, it’s clear that his many memorable performances weren’t all just flukes. From Dangerous Liaisons to Man of Tai Chi — or River’s Edge to Knock Knock — he’s been on a journey to grow as an actor while not losing that elemental intimacy he has with the viewer. Below, we revisit those performances, from worst to best.

45. Johnny Mnemonic (1995)

The nadir of the ’90s cyberpunk genre, and a movie so bad, with Reeves so stranded, that it’s actually a bit of a surprise the Wachowskis were able to forget about it and still cast him as Neo. Dumber than a box of rocks, it’s a movie about technology and the internet — based on a William Gibson story! — that seems to have been made by people who had never turned on a computer before. Seriously, watch this shit:

44. The Watcher (2000) This movie exists in many ways because of its stunt casting: James Spader as a dogged detective and Keanu as the serial killer obsessed with him. Wait, shouldn’t those roles be switched? Get it? There would come a time in his career when Keanu could have maybe handled this character, but here, still with his floppy Ted Logan hair, he just looks ridiculous. The hackneyed screenplay does him no favors, either. Disturbingly, Reeves claims that he was forced to do this movie because his assistant forged his signature on a contract. He received the fifth of his seven Razzie nominations for this film. (He has yet to win and hasn’t been nominated in 17 years. In fact, it’s another sign of how lame the Razzies are that he got a “Redeemer” award in 2015, as if he needed to “redeem” anything to those people.)

43. Sweet November (2001) It’s a testament to how cloying and clunky Sweet November is that its two leads (Reeves and Charlize Theron) are, today, the pinnacle of action-movie cool — thanks to the same filmmaker, Atomic Blonde and John Wick’s David Leitch — yet so inert and waxen here. This is a career low point for both actors, preying on their weak spots. Watching it now, you can see there’s an undeniable discomfort on their faces: If being a movie star means doing junk like this, what’s the point? They’d eventually figure it all out.

42. Chain Reaction (1996) As far as premises for thrillers go, this isn’t the worst idea: A team of scientists are wiped out — with their murder pinned on poor Keanu — because they’ve figured out how to transform water into fuel. (Hey, Science, it has been 23 years. Why haven’t you solved this yet?) Sadly, this turns into a by-the-numbers chase flick with Reeves as Richard Kimble, trying to prove his innocence while on the run. He hadn’t quite figured out how to give a project like this much oomph yet, so it just mostly lies around, making you wish you were watching The Fugitive instead.

41. 47 Ronin (2013) In 2013, Reeves made his directorial debut with a Hong Kong–style action film. We’ll get into that one later, because it’s a ton better than this jumbled mess, a mishmash of fantasy and swordplay that mostly just gives viewers a headache. Also: This has to be the worst wig of Keanu’s career, yes?

40. Even Cowgirls Get the Blues (1993)

Gus Van Sant’s famously terrible adaptation of Tom Robbins’s novel never gets the tone even close to right, and all sorts of amazing actors are stranded and flailing around. Reeves gets some of the worst of it: Why cast one of the most famously chill actors on the planet and have him keep hyperventilating?

39. Replicas (2019) In the wake of John Wick’s success, Keanu has had the opportunity to sleepwalk through some lesser sci-fi actioners, and this one is particularly sleepy. The idea of a neuroscientist (Reeves) who tries to clone his family after they die in an accident could have been a Pet Sematary update, but the movie insists on an Evil Corporation plot that we’ve seen a million times before. John Wick has allowed Reeves to cash more random checks than he might have ten years ago. Here’s one of them.

38. Feeling Minnesota (1996) As far as we know, the only movie taken directly from a Soundgarden lyric — unless we’re missing a superhero named “Spoonman” — is this pseudo-romantic comedy that attempts to be cut from the Tarantino cloth but ends up making you think everyone onscreen desperately needs a haircut and a shave. Reeves can tap into that slacker vibe if asked to, but he requires much better material than this.

37. Little Buddha (1994)

To state the obvious, it would not fly today for Keanu Reeves to play Prince Siddhartha, a monk who would become the Buddha. But questions of cultural appropriation aside, you can understand what drew The Last Emperor director Bernardo Bertolucci to cast this supremely placid man as an iconic noble figure. Unfortunately, Little Buddha never rises above a well-meaning, simplistic depiction of the roots of a worldwide religion, and the effects have aged even more poorly. Nonetheless, Reeves is quite accomplished at being very still.

36. Much Ado About Nothing (1993) Quick anecdote: We saw this Kenneth Branagh adaptation of the Bard during its original theatrical run, and when Reeves’s villainous Don John came onscreen and declared, “I am not of many words,” the audience clapped sarcastically. That memory stuck because it encapsulates viewers’ inability in the early ’90s to see him as anything other than a dim SoCal kid. Unfortunately, his performance in Much Ado About Nothing doesn’t do much to prove his haters wrong. As an actor, he simply didn’t have the gravitas yet to pull off this fiendish role, and so this version is more radiant and alive when he’s not onscreen. It is probably just as well his character doesn’t have many words.

35. Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1992) GIFs are a cheap way to critique a performance. After all, acting is a complicated, arduous discipline that shouldn’t be reduced to easy laughs drawn from a few seconds of film played on a loop. Then again …

This really does sum up Reeves’s unsubstantial performance as Jonathan Harker, whose new client is definitely up to no good. Bram Stoker’s Dracula is a wonder of old-school special effects and operatic passion — and it is also a movie in which Reeves seems wholly ill at ease, never quite latching onto the story’s macabre period vibe. We suspect if he could revisit this role now, he’d be far more commanding and engaged. But in 1992, he was still too much Ted and not enough anything else. And Reeves knew it: A couple years later, when asked to name his most difficult role to that point, he said, “My failure in Dracula. Totally. Completely. The accent wasn’t that bad, though.” Well …

34. The Neon Demon (2016)

One of the perks of being a superstar is that you can sometimes just phone in an amusing cameo in some bizarro art-house offering. How else to explain Reeves’s appearance in this stylish, empty, increasingly surreal psychological thriller from Drive director Nicolas Winding Refn? He plays Hank, a scumbag motel manager whose main job is to add some local color to this portrait of the cutthroat L.A. fashion scene. If you’ve been waiting to hear Keanu deliver skeezy lines like “Why, did she send you out for tampons, too?!” and “Real Lolita shit … real Lolita shit,” The Neon Demon is the film for you. He’s barely in it, and we wouldn’t blame him if he doesn’t even remember it.

33. The Lake House (2006) Reeves reunites with his Speed co-star for a movie that features a lot fewer out-of-control buses. In The Lake House, Sandra Bullock plays a doctor who owns a lake house with the strangest magical power: She can send and receive letters from the house’s owner from two years prior, a dashing architect (Reeves). This American remake of the South Korean drama Il Mare is romantic goo that’s relatively easy to resist, and its ruminations on fate, love, destiny, and luck are all pretty standard for the genre. As for those hoping to enjoy the actors’ rekindled chemistry, spoiler alert: They’re not onscreen that much together.

32. Henry’s Crime (2011) You have to be careful not to cast Reeves as too passive a character; he’s so naturally calm that if he just sits and reacts to everything, and never steps up, your movie never really gets going. That’s the case in this heist movie about an innocent man (Reeves) who goes to jail for a crime he didn’t commit and then plans a scam with an inmate he meets there (James Caan). The movie wants to be a little quirkier than it is, and Reeves never quite snaps to. The film just idles on the runway.

31. The Bad Batch (2017) Following her acclaimed A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night, filmmaker Ana Lily Amirpour plops us in the middle of a desert hellscape in which a young woman (Suki Waterhouse) must battle to stay alive. The Bad Batch is less accomplished than A Girl, in large part because style outpaces substance — it’s a movie in which clever flourishes and indulgent choices rule all. Look no further than Reeves’s performance as the Dream, a cult leader who oversees the only semblance of civilization in this post-apocalyptic world. It’s less a character than an attitude, and Reeves struggles to make the shtick fly. He’s too goofy a villain for us to really feel the full measure of his monstrousness.

30. Hardball (2001)

Reeves isn’t the first guy you’d think of to head up a Bad News Bears–style inspirational sports movie, and he doesn’t pull it off, playing a gambler who becomes the coach of an inner-city baseball team and learns to love, or something. It’s as straightforward and predictable an underdog sports movie as you’ll find, and it serves as a reminder that Reeves’s specific set of skills can’t be applied to just any old generic leading-man role. The best part about the film? A 14-year-old Michael B. Jordan.

29. Street Kings (2008) Filmmaker David Ayer has made smart, tough L.A. thrillers like Training Day (which he wrote) and End of Watch (which he wrote and directed). Unfortunately, this effort with Reeves never stops being a mélange of cop-drama clichés, casting the actor as Ludlow, an LAPD detective who’s starting to lose his moral compass. This requires Reeves to be a hard-ass, which never feels particularly convincing. Street Kings is bland, forgettable pulp — Reeves doesn’t enliven it, getting buried along with the rest of a fine ensemble that includes Forest Whitaker, Hugh Laurie, and a pre-Captain America Chris Evans.

28. Constantine (2005) In post-Matrix mode, Reeves tries to launch another franchise in a DC Comics adaptation about a man who can see spirits on Earth and is doomed to atone for a suicide attempt by straddling the divide twixt Heaven and Hell. That’s not the worst idea, and at times Constantine looks terrific, but the movie doesn’t have enough wit or charm to play with Reeves’s persona the way the Wachowskis did.

27. The Day the Earth Stood Still (2008) Reeves’s alienlike beauty and off-kilter line readings made him an obvious choice to play Klaatu, an extraterrestrial who assumes human form when he arrives on our planet. This remake of the 1950s sci-fi classic doesn’t have a particularly urgent reason to exist — its pro-environment message is timely but awkwardly fashioned atop an action-blockbuster template — and the actor alone can’t make this Day particularly memorable. Still, there are signs of the confident post-Matrix star he had become, which would be rewarded in a few years with John Wick.

26. Knock Knock (2015) Reeves flirts with Michael Douglas territory in this Eli Roth erotic thriller that’s not especially good but is interesting as an acting exercise. He plays Evan, a contented family man with the house to himself while his wife and kids are out of town. Conveniently, two beautiful young strangers (Ana de Armas, Lorenza Izzo) come by late one stormy night, inviting themselves in and quickly seducing him. Is this his wildest sexual fantasy come to life? Or something far more ominous? It’s fun to watch Reeves be a basic married suburban dude who slowly realizes that he’s entered Hell, but Knock Knock’s knowing trashiness only takes this cautionary tale so far.

25. The Devil’s Advocate (1997)

Very few people bought tickets in 1997 for The Devil’s Advocate to see Keanu Reeves: Hotshot Attorney. Obviously, this horror thriller’s chief appeal was witnessing Al Pacino go over the top as Satan himself, who just so happens to be a New York lawyer. Nonetheless, it’s Reeves’s Kevin Lomax who’s actually the film’s main character; recently moved to Manhattan with his wife (Reeves’s future Sweet November co-star, Charlize Theron), he’s the new hire at a prestigious law firm who only later learns what nefarious motives have brought him there. Reeves is forced to play the wunderkind who gets in over his head, and it’s not entirely convincing — and that goes double for his southern accent.

24. The Prince of Pennsylvania (1988) “You are like some stray dog I never should have fed.” That’s how Rupert’s older hippie pal, Carla (Amy Madigan), affectionately refers to him, and because this teen dropout is played by Keanu Reeves, you understand what she means. In this forgotten early chapter in Reeves’s career, Rupert and Carla decide to ditch their going-nowhere Rust Belt existence by taking his dad (Fred Ward) hostage and collecting a handsome ransom. The Prince of Pennsylvania is a thoroughly contrived and mediocre comedy, featuring Reeves with an incredibly unfortunate haircut. (Squint and he looks like the front man for the Red Hot Chili Peppers.) Still, you can see signs of the soulfulness and vulnerability he’d later harness in better projects. He’s very much a big puppy looking for a home.

23. The Last Time I Committed Suicide (1997) Every hip young ’90s actor had to get his Jack Kerouac on at some point, so it would seem churlish to deny Reeves his opportunity. He plays the best pal/drinking buddy of Thomas Jane’s Neal Cassady, and he looks like he’s enjoying doing the Kerouac pose. Other actors have done so more indulgently. And even though he’s heavier than he’s ever been in a movie, he looks great.

22. A Walk in the Clouds (1995) Keanu isn’t quite as bad in this as it seemed at the time. He’s miscast as a tortured war veteran who finds love by posing as the husband of a pregnant woman, but he doesn’t overdo it either: If someone’s not right for a part, you’d rather them not push it, and Keanu doesn’t. Plus, come on, this movie looks fantastic: Who doesn’t want to hang around these vineyards? Not necessarily worth a rewatch, but not the disaster many consider it.

21. The Replacements (2000) The other movie where Keanu Reeves plays a former quarterback, The Replacements is an adequate Sunday-afternoon-on-cable sports comedy. He plays Shane, the stereotypical next-big-thing whose career capsized after a disastrous bowl game — but fear not, because he’s going to get a second chance at gridiron glory once the pros go on strike and the greedy owners decide to hire scabs to replace them. Reeves has never been particularly great at playing regular guys — his talent is that he seems different, more special, than you or me — but he ably portrays a good man who’s had to live with disappointment. The Replacements pushes all the predictable buttons, but Reeves makes it a little more enjoyable than it would be otherwise.

20. Tune in Tomorrow (1990) A very minor but sporadically charming bauble about a radio soap-opera scriptwriter (Peter Falk) who begins chronicling an affair between a woman (Barbara Hershey) and her not-related-by-blood nephew on his show — and ultimately begins manipulating it. Tune in Tomorrow is light and silly and harmless, and Reeves shows up on time to set and looks extremely eager to impress. He blends into the background quietly, which is probably enough.

19. I Love You to Death (1990)

This Lawrence Kasdan comedy — the first film after an incredible four-picture run of Body Heat, The Big Chill, Silverado, and The Accidental Tourist — is mostly forgotten today, and for good reason: It’s a farce that mostly features actors screaming at each other and calling it “comedy.” But Reeves hits the right notes as a stoned hit man, and it’s amusing just to watch him share the screen with partner William Hurt. This could have been the world’s strangest comedy team!

18. Youngblood (1986)

This Rob Lowe hockey comedy is … well, a Rob Lowe hockey comedy, but we had to include it because a 21-year-old Reeves plays a dim-bulb, good-hearted hockey player with a French Canadian accent that’s so incredible that you really just have to see it. Imagine if this were the only role Keanu Reeves ever had? It’s sort of amazing. “AH-NEE-MAL!”

17. Destination Wedding (2018) An oddly curdled comedy about two wedding guests (Reeves and Winona Ryder) who have terrible attitudes about everything but end up bonding over their universal disdain for the planet and everyone on it. That sounds like a chore to watch, and at times it is, but the pairing of Reeves and Ryder has enough nostalgic Gen-X spark to it that you go along with them anyway. With almost any other actors you might run screaming away, but somehow, in spite of everything, you find them both likable.

16. Thumbsucker (2005)

The first film from 20th Century Women and Beginners’ Mike Mills, this mild but clever coming-of-age comedy adaptation of a Walter Kirn novel has Mills’s trademark good cheer and emotional honesty. Reeves plays the eponymous thumbsucker’s dentist — it’s funny to see Keanu play someone named “Dr. Perry Lyman” — who has the exact right attitude about both orthodontics and life. It’s a lived-in, funny performance, and a sign that Keanu, with the right director, could be a more than capable supporting character actor.

15. Something’s Gotta Give (2003) This Nancy Meyers romantic comedy was well timed in Reeves’s career. A month after the final Matrix film hit theaters, Something’s Gotta Give arrived, offering us a very different Keanu — not the intense, sci-fi action hero but rather a charming, low-key love interest who’s just the supporting player. He plays Julian Mercer, a doctor administering to shameless womanizer Harry Sanborn (Jack Nicholson), who’s dating a much younger woman (Amanda Peet), who just so happens to be the daughter of a celebrated playwright, Erica (Diane Keaton). We know who will eventually end up with whom in Something’s Gotta Give, but Reeves proves to be a great romantic foil, wooing Erica with a grown-up sexiness the actor didn’t possess in his younger years. We’re still not sure Meyers got the ending right: Erica should have stuck with him instead of Harry.

14. Man of Tai Chi (2013) This is the only movie that Reeves has directed, and what does it tell us about him? Well, it tells us he has watched a ton of Hong Kong action movies and always wanted to make one himself. And it’s pretty good! It’s technically proficient, it has a straightforward narrative, it has some excellent long-take action sequences (as we see in John Wick, Keanu isn’t a quick-cut guy; he likes to show his work), and it has a perfectly decent Keanu performance. We wouldn’t call him a visionary director by any stretch of the imagination. But we’d watch another one of these, definitely.

13. Dangerous Liaisons (1988)

Le Chevalier Raphael Danceny is merely a pawn in a cruel game being played by Marquise de Merteuil and Vicomte de Valmont, and so it makes some sense that the young man who played him, Keanu Reeves, is himself a little outclassed by the actors around him. This Oscar-winning drama is led by Glenn Close and John Malkovich, who have the wit and bite to give this 18th-century tale of thwarted love and bruised pride some real zest. By comparison, Danceny is practically a boy, unschooled in the art of manipulation, and Reeves provides the character with the appropriate youthful naïveté. He’s not a standout in Dangerous Liaisons, but he acquits himself well — especially near the end, when his blade fells Valmont, leaving him as one of the unlikely survivors in the film’s ruthless battle.

12. The Private Lives of Pippa Lee (2009) In this incredible showcase for Robin Wright, who plays a woman navigating a constrictive, difficult life with more grace and intelligence than anyone realizes, Reeves shows up late in a role that he’s played before: the younger guy who’s the perfect fit for an older woman figuring herself out. He hits the right notes and never overstays his welcome. As a romantic lead, less is more for Reeves.

11. Parenthood (1989) If you were an uptight suburban dad, like Steve Martin is in Ron Howard’s ensemble comedy, your nightmare would be that your beloved daughter gets involved with a doofus like Tod. Nicely played by Keanu Reeves, the character is the embodiment of every slacker screwup who’s going to just stumble through life, knocking over everything and everyone in his path. But as it turns out, he’s a lot kinder and mature than at first glance. Released six months after Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure, Parenthood showed mainstream audiences a more grown-up Reeves, and he’s enormously appealing — never more so than when advising a young kid that it’s okay to masturbate: “I told him that’s what little dudes do.”

10. Permanent Record (1988) A very lovely and sad movie that’s nearly forgotten today, Permanent Record, directed by novelist Marisa Silver, features Reeves as the best friend of a teenager who commits suicide and, along with the rest of their friends, has to pick up the pieces. For all of Reeves’s trademark reserve, there is very little restraint here: His character is devastated, and Reeves, impressively, hits every note of that grief convincingly. You see this guy and you understand why everyone wanted to make him a star. This is a very different Reeves from now, but it’s not necessarily a worse one.

9. Point Break (1991)

Just as Reeves’s reputation has grown over time, so too has the reputation of this loopy, philosophical crime thriller. Do people love Point Break ironically now, enjoying its over-the-top depiction of men seeking a spiritual connection with the world around them? Or do they genuinely appreciate the seriousness that director Kathryn Bigelow brought to her study of lonely souls looking for that next big rush — whether through surfing or robbing banks? The power of Reeves’s performance is that it works both ways. If you want to snicker at his melodramatic turn, fine — but if you want to marvel at the rapport his Johnny Utah forms with Patrick Swayze (Bodhi), who only feels alive when he’s living life to the extreme, then Point Break has room for you on the bandwagon.

8. Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure (1989) and Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey (1991) Before there was Beavis and Butt-Head, before there was Wayne and Garth, there were these guys: two Valley bozos who loved to shred and goof off. As Theodore Logan, Keanu Reeves found the perfect vessel for his serene silliness, playing well off Alex Winter’s equally clueless Bill. But note that Bill and Ted aren’t jerks — watch Excellent Adventure now and you’ll be struck by how incredibly sunny its humor is. Later in his career, Reeves would show off a darker, more brooding side, but here in Excellent Adventure (and its less-great sequel Bogus Journey) he makes blissful stupidity endearing.

7. The Gift (2000) This Sam Raimi film, with a Billy Bob Thornton script inspired by his mother, fizzled at the box office, despite a top-shelf cast: It’s probably not even the first film called The Gift you think of when we bring it up. But, gotta say, Reeves is outstanding in it, playing an abusive husband and all-around sonuvabitch who, nevertheless, might be unfairly accused of murder, a fact only a psychic (Cate Blanchett) understands. Reeves is full-on trailer trash here, but he brings something new and unexpected to it: a sort of bewildered malevolence, as if he’s moved by forces outside of his control. More of this, please.

6. My Own Private Idaho (1991)

Gus Van Sant’s landmark drama is chiefly remembered for River Phoenix’s nakedly anguished performance as Mike, a spiritually adrift gay hustler. (Phoenix’s death two years after My Own Private Idaho’s release only makes the portrayal more heartbreaking.) But his performance doesn’t work without a doubles partner, which is where Reeves comes in. Playing Scott, a fellow hustler and Mike’s best friend, Reeves adeptly encapsulates the mind-set of a young man content to just float through life. Unlike Mike, he knows he has a fat inheritance in his future — and also unlike Mike, he’s not gay, unable to share his buddy’s romantic feelings. Phoenix deservedly earned most of the accolades, but Reeves is terrific as an unobtainable object of affection — inviting, enticing, but also unknowable.

5. Speed (1994)

Years later, we still contend that Speed is a stupid idea for a movie that, despite all logic (or maybe because of the utter insanity of its premise), ended up being a total hoot. What’s clear is that the film simply couldn’t have worked if Reeves hadn’t approached the story with straight-faced sincerity: His L.A. cop Jack Traven is a ramrod-serious lawman who is going to do whatever it takes to save those bus passengers. Part of the pleasure of Speed is how it constantly juxtaposes the life-or-death stakes with the high-concept inanity — Stay above 50 mph or the bus will explode! — and that internal tension is expressed wonderfully by Reeves, who invests so intently in the ludicrousness that the movie is equally thrilling and knowingly goofy. And it goes without saying that he has dynamite chemistry with Sandra Bullock. Strictly speaking, you probably shouldn’t flirt this much when you’re sitting on top of a bomb — but it’s awfully appealing when they get their happy ending.

4. River’s Edge (1987) This film’s casting director said she cast Reeves as one of the dead-end kids who learn about a murder and do nothing “because of the way he held his body … his shoes were untied, and what he was wearing looked like a young person growing into being a man.” This was very much who the early Reeves was, and River’s Edge might be his darkest film. His vacancy here is not Zen cool … it’s just vacant, intellectually, ethically, morally, emotionally. Only in that void could Reeves be this terrifying. This is definitely a performance, but it never feels like acting. His magnetism was almost mystical.

3. John Wick (2014), John Wick: Chapter Two (2017), and John Wick: Chapter 3 — Parabellum (2019)

If they hadn’t killed his dog, none of this would have happened. Firmly part of the “middle-aged movie stars playing mournful badasses” subgenre that’s sprung up since Taken, the John Wick saga provides Reeves with an opportunity to be stripped-down but not serene. He’s a lethal assassin who swore to his dead wife that he’d put down his arms — but, lucky for us, he reneges on that promise after he’s pushed too far. Whereas in his previous hits there was something detached about Reeves, here’s he locked in in such a way that it’s both delightful and a little unnerving. The 2014 original was gleefully over-the-top already, and the sequels have only amped up the spectacle, but his genuine fury and weariness felt new, exciting, a revelation. Turns out Keanu Reeves is frighteningly convincing as a guy who can kill many, many people.

2. A Scanner Darkly (2006)

In hindsight, it seems odd that Keanu Reeves and Richard Linklater have only worked together once — their laid-back vibes would seemingly make them well suited for one another. But it makes sense that the one film they’ve made together is this Philip K. Dick adaptation, which utilizes interpolated rotoscoping to tell the story of a drug cop (Reeves) who’s hiding his own addiction while living in a nightmarish police state. That wavy, floating style of animation nicely complements A Scanner Darkly’s sense of jittery paranoia, but it also deftly mimics Reeves’s performance, which seems to be drifting along on its own wavelength. If in the Matrix films, he manages to defeat the dark forces, in this film they’re too powerful, leading to a pretty mournful finale.

1. The Matrix (1999), The Matrix Reloaded (2003), and The Matrix Revolutions (2003)

“They had written something that I had never seen, but in a way, something that I’d always hoped for — as an actor, as a fan of science fiction.” That’s how Reeves described the sensation of reading the screenplay for The Matrix, which had been dreamed up by two up-and-coming filmmakers, Lana and Lilly Wachowski. Five years after Speed, he found his next great project, which would become the defining role of his career. Neo is the missing link between Ted’s Zen-like stillness and John Wick’s lethal efficiency, giving us a hero’s journey for the 21st century that took from Luke Skywalker and anime with equal aplomb. Never before had the actor been such a formidable onscreen presence — deadly serious but still loose and limber. Even when the sequels succumbed to philosophical ramblings and overblown CGI, Reeves commanded the frame. We always knew that he seemed like a cool, left-of-center guy. The Matrix films gave him an opportunity to flex those muscles in a true blockbuster.

#keanu reeves #keanu reeves movies #ranking #vulture

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im-the-king-of-the-ocean · 6 years ago

Text

Barbara Lake - Life Timeline Notes

@archaeopter-ace

Here’s what I got for Barbara’s age and her timeline.

Under a cut cause it gets really, like really long.

A note I want to add after writing this all out is that I don’t have a definite, exact age pinpointed for Barbara, just a lot of theories and possibilities based on what we know and what I wanted to write in my stories (I originally did all this specifically in preparation for writing my fanfic Shadow of Change, which is a Barbara backstory). This post isn’t necessarily meant to prove anything, just give what my thoughts and considerations have been.

Barbara’s Age: The Math

My original guesstimate that I use throughout my musings is that Barbara’s somewhere in her late 30s to early 40s.

-50s seem too old, given lack of gray hair (her hair is very clearly solidly red-brown). On the one hand, I want to say lack of gray is due to 3D model/animation design. Maybe it was easier for them to just not add in that much detailing? But then we have Strickler who does have graying/white hair and more defined facial (age) lines, so they clearly can do that much detailing on the character models, but didn’t for Barbara. My interpretation of this was that they didn’t want her to appear in that age range.

-Early to mid-thirties (30-35) seems too young. Given we have confirmation from the show that Jim is 16, that means Barbara had him at her current age - 16 years. So, say Barbara were currently 35, that would mean that she gave birth to Jim at 19 (35 -16). That, and any age younger and we’re in teen pregnancy area.

Jim as Teen Pregnancy Possibility

(I don’t personally like this idea, but this post is meant to cover every potential scenario so that’s why it’s included)

Jim as a teen pregnancy is not completely outside the realm of possibility in theory, but I feel like it would create more hurdles to jump over than what we see in the show, especially financially.

Barbara is a doctor (meaning she’s been through undergrad, med school, and residency). To get to this point, she’d have to pay off student loan debts, deal with the costs of a baby/young child, and be able to afford a house.

I’m not saying she can’t find a way to make all that work out if she started as a 19 year old (I mean she’s Barbara, she probably could tbh), but I feel like it would be extremely hard. Particularly if she doesn’t come from a super well-off background and if James Senior left the picture relatively early on.

She’d either have to find a way to completely support herself and her kid quickly or get help from people like her parents (who are not in the picture as of the show, so who knows about them) while simultaneously doing everything it takes to become a doctor.

Just having the time for both kid and medical career would be difficult at best too.

I feel like we’d see more signs that the Lakes are still paying off her student debts and/or the house too if she started off younger/at a place of more instability. For instance, one of Jim’s worries about his mom could have been he’s concerned about Barbara trying to support them/straining herself to make enough money. But we don’t see that.

More Numbers

According to the research I did back when I wrote Shadow, in general:

College (undergrad) Graduation: 22 yrs old

Medical School Graduation: 26 yrs old

Residency: 29-30 yrs old

which brings us to this picture:

(sorry it’s so huge, I don’t really know how to edit down photo sizes on tumblr).

Source: This post

which shows that Jim was at least a kid at a time when Barbara graduated.

I’ve seen numerous theories on how old Jim is in the picture that range from 5-6 years old to 11-12 years old. Personally, I stuck to the younger range.

Say this picture shows Barbara’s undergrad graduation. That would likely put her at 22yrs of age in it, which would mean she was 17 when she has Jim if he’s 6 (22-5) and 10/11 if he’s 11 or 12 (22-12), which would mean that one’s literally impossible.

Based on Barbara’s appearance in the picture (she doesn’t strike me as early 20s here), I’d say it’s likelier that it’s of her med school graduation, meaning she’d be around 26 and not 22.

In that case:

26 - 5 = 21

26 - 11 = 15

I like the numbers for a younger Jim in the picture way, way better so that’s my headcanon and I’m sticking to it.

Then, if Barbara had Jim when she was 21 that would mean her current/2016 age is 37 (21 + 16), which I feel is within the realm of possibility.

**However, these numbers can be fudged a little.

(if one happens to be a 22 year old who wants to write a story but is kinda uncomfortable with the idea of having a dfab protagonist who gets pregnant at their own age or younger. Am I saying I purposefully messed with the numbers of when various life events happened for Barbara for my own comfort? yes, yes I am).

So, one could decide:

maybe Barbara graduated college late (at 23-24). It’s possible. I had a friend who graduated at 24 and I myself am graduating a semester late (so I’ll be 23 by then).

That would mean:

College (undergrad) Graduation: 24 yrs old

Medical School Graduation: 28 yrs old

Residency: 31-32 yrs old

If Jim is 5 at the Med School Graduation while Barbara is 28, that would mean she’d be 23 when he’s born and currently (in 2016) 39.

Personally, I wiggled these numbers around again later when I wrote GhostHunters!. I wanted that story to take place in 1985, about a year after Ghostbusters was originally released in theaters (it’s plot-related) and I wanted Barbara to be a kid at an age where it would be realistic if she got massively obsessed with the Ghostbusters (also plot-related) so I decided she’d be 10, which would mean she’d be born in 1975.

so:

1975: birth, 0 years

1985: 10 years

2000: 25 years old (Jim is born)

2016: 41 years old

Early/Mid 20s Barbara Becomes A Mother Possibility

I feel like if Barbara were in this age range when she had Jim, it would be less likely for her and James to have been married beforehand. If that’s so, I lean in the direction of him being an unplanned pregnancy.

Barbara and James could have met at college, become boyfriend/girlfriend, then start to be sexually active, which eventually leads to an accidental pregnancy (Jim). They decide to raise the kid together, potentially marry, and settle down in Arcadia.

*In Shadow, I have Jim happening simultaneously to Barbara’s med schools applications. She and James conceive Jim during that process and her decision to go to Arcadia’s Medical School is rushed by the fact they want to have a home before the baby arrives (I didn’t actually manage to work that into the story, but it’s in my notes).

Another Possibility: Late 20s Barbara Becomes A Mother

For the sake of my curiosity, I also decided do calculations for what if Barbara were currently 45, the oldest I’d guesstimate for her based on her physical appearance.

That would mean she had Jim when she was 29 (45-16). Then, going off the med school graduation pic:

College (undergrad) graduation: 30 yrs old

Med School Graduation: 34 (29 + 5) yrs old

Residency: 37/38 yrs old

This would then beg the question of what was Barbara doing between the ages of 18, when she would leave high school, and 26, when she entered undergrad, which could make for an interesting backstory narrative to fill in.

This also works better for her marriage to James and their house + kid being a planned thing, I think. Like they’d have more time to be together as adults before making those life choices.

An interesting possibility could be that James was meant to stay at home more to take care of Jim so Barbara could pursue college/med school. This would lead into a situation where James and Jim were closer since they spent more time together (and, subsequently, Barbara would be the more distant parent since she isn’t there as often). Then, them being close would have caused Jim extra hurt when James walked out.

Though, at one point in the show I think it states that Jim used to tell Barbara everything so those two have likely always been close.

And that’s all I got! Thanks for reading if you’ve made it this far, I know it’s super long.

#trollhunters #barbara lake #jim lake jr #meta analysis #age study

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hopevalley · 6 years ago

Note

I love reading your well thought out answers to queries :-) do you think it’s possible for the show to leave Rosie and Lee just as they are? She’s not keen on babies but is so lovely with children in other ways, their journey to a family may be totally different from the expected. I don’t want a forced, sappy WCTH wrapped in a bow story for them. Also could Carson and Faith be any more meh??? I would love for a Carson and Elizabeth story later down the line but I don’t think it will happen :-(

Thank you! And also thank you for the great questions.

I like Rosemary and Lee the way they are, too. I don’t want a baby storyline for them; it’d be nice to see a couple not have children, and our options for that are limited in Hope Valley almost by age. For example, if Bill entered into a marriage, it’s a little doubtful he’d be having kids—or even particularly wanting them. Not that men his age wouldn’t maybe still want a family, but his character is old enough that if he said something like, “We’re not really looking to start a family,” most people would accept that as reasonable. He had a son before, but lost him, and maybe doesn’t feel the need to try again. I think Abigail falls into that category, too, even the had-a-son-before aspect of it. It’s hard to tell if she’s intended to be at post-menopausal age or not, but either way, having a baby over 40 in this time period? Not the best idea. Plus, Abigail adopted children; she doesn’t need more.

But other than these two characters, and their potential partners, I think the other characters/couples are intended to feel vaguely “in their late 20s or 30s”—and therefore still ripe for babymaking potential.

So, let’s talk about Rosemary and Lee.

The actors in this show are ALWAYS much older-looking than their intended character (and no, the makeup they’re wearing usually doesn’t help alleviate this when they’re always doing close-up shots). Rosemary grew up with Jack, but Jack had to have been old enough to actually have a career, and this would be about five years after the first season, so…she has to be at least mid 30s. Lee’s more varied I think? He could easily be, say, anywhere from 38 to 45… (I did a big chart on ages once, to try and get a handle on everybody’s ages. Let me tell you: easier said than done.)

Anyway, so let’s pretend Rosemary is currently 35 and Lee is 45: that’s still in a believable range to be having a baby.

My thing is this: they just don’t need it. Rosemary isn’t the kind of person who wants to be completely selfless, which is kind of how you have to be when you have a helpless little human depending on you for literally everything. She’s also not especially intuitive when it comes to figuring out what other people are feeling/thinking/et cetera. Personally? I think she’d be miserable as a mother, and she’d really hate those early years the most. Depressed Rosemary? No thank you.

But I do think Rosemary does well with kids who are a bit older, say, 8+. And she’d probably do great with even teenagers: because they’re better at communicating how they feel and what they’re thinking, and they don’t need the kind of personal attention a baby does.

But like, we already have Abigail in town who adopted children, so it feels like a repeated storyline that…doesn’t need to happen again. It’d just be rehashing the same kinds of issues we’ve already covered. And I know I already said this, but… Rosemary and Lee don’t need children. I’m sure by now they’ve already discussed their desires and wants in the relationship. It’s kind of late to throw that roadblock in without it feeling cumbersome to the storytelling by default. They’ve surely discussed this thoroughly by now!

Being listen, I’ll be honest: I’m sick of the average pregnancy narrative anyway. It’s used to twist women who don’t want kids into pseudo-villains. I’ve had enough of that! Rosemary on screen said she didn’t want kids, and I’d like this series to, you know, respect that about her character, not make her pregnant and force her to deal with the consequences (where she magically discovers a love of babies once she herself is pregnant or she’s around an infant regularly, because that’s how these kinds of narratives ALWAYS END—where the woman has her mind changed for her, usually for the convenience of what everyone else wants).

I’m not going to go into how damaging that narrative is, especially when it’s aimed at people who don’t want kids or can’t have them for any reason, but it IS damaging (not just to the potential parents, but to the children they end up having) and it’s a lie. You won’t magically fall in love with sticky jam hands and baby smells just because you’re around a baby or you get yourself knocked up.

If you don’t want kids, or don’t even particularly like kids: don’t have kids. There’s no shame in that. There’s no shame in living for yourself. Don’t drop some innocent person into the world on purpose just because you’re trying to fill in some societal obligation—or check some kind of box on the list a relative gave you.

I feel like Rosemary’s road into family doesn’t have to be her performing parenthood. She does very well as a kind, quirky aunt-like figure. She helped Cody get Frank and Abigail back together; she mentored Emily, she had those girls over at her house for a sleepover and they adored her… That’s the role I think Rosemary ought to keep playing. No shame attached. Let other people have babies and enjoy it; let Rosemary and Lee not have babies and still enjoy their life together!

(And it’s like, look: I know that we can’t forget what Lee wants here, too, but marriage does come with compromises, and sometimes they’re not small ones! He works a lot; when is he going to help Rosemary with the baby? When is he going to Be a Father? An hour each night? Please. Any baby they have will be 99% Rosie’s responsibility, and I think when confronted with this reality, Lee is fully capable of taking the more logical route of deciding maybe children just aren’t that important to him because he has everything else in his life he’s ever wanted. Family can be just a husband and wife!)

Here’s to hoping the writers don’t think they have to check off the baby box on Rosemary and Lee’s relationship. It doesn’t need it; and that they don’t seem to be heading in that direction is part of what helps them stand out from the others—what helps them feel compelling as characters. They get to fuss over and spoil Elizabeth’s son, get to babysit him, get to watch him grow up…but they won’t have to actually parent him. I think it’s a perfect arrangement!

As far as Carson and Faith go… I don’t really get their popularity in this fandom. I’d probably like them a lot if Faith were the doctor and Carson the nurse? It would at least feel like a slight trope subversion…

I think it’s fandom’s obsession with shipping people who work together or something… I personally dated one (1) person I worked closely with, and it was terribly awkward and perfectly awful when it came time to end things—and it’s not like they didn’t end amicably! It isn’t a trope I particularly like anymore, now that I know all the pitfalls that come with it.

Fandom is still in the fantasizing stage of it, I guess. And of course, it’s Hallmark, so if they’re end-game it’s not like they won’t work through all of those issues, right?

Anyway, I find their relationship to be kind of dull and uninspired. I just can’t get into it. Maybe s6 will change my mind, but I doubt it. I guess what I wanted was another male/female friendship that felt like it meant something, especially between two people in the same field who work very closely all the time. Bill and Abigail are a great friendship pair, too, don’t get me wrong…but they did try the romantic entanglement thing at first—and it’d be super nice to have all the good parts of a friendship like they share MINUS the attempt at romance.

But that’s just me.

I really would prefer Elizabeth and Carson, but unfortunately I’m with ya, Anon. I don’t think it’s likely to happen. Maybe we’ll at least get a close friendship there? I mean, if nothing else, I’ll take it.

#when calls the heart #carson shepherd #faith carter #fandom critical #answered mail #season 6 shenanigans #anonymously asked

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frangipanidownunder · 7 years ago

Note

So just a heads up, I did sent this prompt to someone else too. Since I am pretty obsessed with dad!Mulder I was thinking along the lines of a fic where it's primarily him interacting with his new daughter. The idea was that around 8-10 years old she comes home upset and Mulder weasels it out of her that she's being bulled at school because her dad is "old". In my head Mulder is probably fitter in his 60's than most 30-40 something dads, but hey ho. Kids can be cruel!

This turned out much longer than I expected so it’s under a cut. I hope you like it! It’s not exactly as you described, but this is what came out! Tagging @today-in-fic

Different

The note was ripped into four pieces, scattered between theold newspapers and a yellowing file of fake Bigfoot sightings he’d spilledcoffee over. The recycling needed to be emptied and when he picked up the box,the contents fell out. He recognised Esther’s writing - that determined cursiveshe delivered usually with her tongue caught between her lips and her mother’slight frown of concentration. He taped the note together and sat looking at it asit lay on his desk, the golden spool of light from his lamp illuminating thecrinkles and shadowing his daughter’s careful letters.

To Mom and Dad

You’re invited to Grade 5A’sParents’ Day on Tuesday at 11 o’clock. Bringsomething from your job or from home that tells us about you or just share astory or two.

Esther S Scully-Mulder

Scully fingered the tape and sighed. “Why wouldn’t she let usknow? One of us always used to go to these things at her other school.”

“She’s been alittle down, lately. Don’t you think?” He’d offered to pitch for her at theweekend but she looked at the bat and shook her head, telling him she had somereading to do. When he checked in on her later, she wasn’t in her room and hefound her outside tipping a load of ancient toys and puzzles, books and clothesinto garbage bags.

“She’s changing,” Scully said. “Kidsdevelop quicker these days.”

“She’s twelve, Scully.”

“And she’s not your baby girl anymore, Mulder. The scholarship means she’s got more work to do. She’s having tonegotiate hormones and study and the murky depths of the online world andthings you don’t even want to think about. It’s a lot, these days. A lot.”

He swung around on the chair. Sometimeshe fondly remembered hunting monsters and aliens and figured that job waseasier than negotiating the travails of parenthood. He rubbed the bridge of hisnose.

“Nobody said this would be easy,Mulder,” she said, slipping her arms around his neck.

“Nobody doesn’t know what he or she istalking about,” he said, reaching up to kiss her cheek. “Nobody isn’t nearly 70and a parent of a child still in grade school. What the hell were we thinking,Scully?”

She laughed, the sound still girlish,and he remembered her in that moment, hair copper-bright, eyes filled with anostalgic passion that he recognised instantly, those perfect lips slightlyapart. She had wrapped herself around him in that motel like she intended todevour him. The realms of possibility extended to infinity and together, onthose starched foreign sheets, they lost years and rediscovered something ofthemselves. He hadn’t expected it. But it had changed them in ways they hadn’tbeen able to articulate. And then there was Esther.

Their daughter had been a balm overthe festering sore that was William’s disappearance. On that damp and dismalpier, in a single heartbeat, when Scully had told him what the smoking bastardhad revealed, Mulder’s life had been reduced to the icy fear of irrelevancy.But with her next breath, the realisation that he was going to be a father hadtaken root inside him and grown slowly and ever more warmly. He’d beenfrightened when she was born. Frightened of the tiniest, most fragile beinghe’d ever seen. The day they brought her home, he stepped into a new world.Everything that was important was right there, in his arms and in his heart.And just when he thought his heart couldn’t stretch or grow any more, Esther didsomething new.

Now, he pulled Scully down and the olddesk chair squeaked. “Thinking is overrated.” He kissed her and she wriggled onhis lap and the spark flared. It took him a little longer these days but shedidn’t seem to mind.

“Ewwwww,” came the disgusted young voicefrom the doorway. “You two are so gross.” The way she crinkled her nosereminded him so much of Samantha. It ached to think about how much more hisloss was magnified now he understood the lengths and breadths of parental love.

Scully’s giggle was slightly temperedby frustration and she slid from his grasp. He sighed as he watched her loop herarm through Esther’s and leave him to wallow in what might have been.

Over the next week, Esther shut herself in her room for most ofeach evening. She rolled her eyes in the worst Scully way when Mulder offeredto take her Squatchin’. Her suit hung next to his on the hook by the back doorand her boots still bore the muddy splatters from their previous encounter withdark shadows and mysterious noises. He tried talking to her, teasing her,baking her favourite muffins, showing her old photos of him and her mother intheir ridiculous coats. None of his usual father-daughter favourites worked.

“I just wantto read, Dad.”

“What are youreading?” he asked, hoping that she’d pat the end of the bed and let him sitwith her a while.

“Nothing you’dknow,” she said. He looked at the cover of the book. It was matte silver withan image of a downcast young woman half-turned away. The title and author namewere too small for him to read without his glasses.

“I guessyou’ve moved on from the Harry Potters?”

She looked upat him and tried for a polite smile but it was more of a patient grimace. “Inever really liked them. All that wizardry and witchcraft stuff is not mything.”

He tucked hisopinion away and reached for the door.

“Dad,” shesaid after a beat. He turned round with a hopeful smile. “Can you shut the dooron the way out?”

On Monday evening, after a painfully quiet meal where Estherpushed her food around her plate, Scully waited for her to shut her bedroomdoor and said, “We shouldn’t just show up tomorrow, if she doesn’t want us tocome.”

“But she mightbe the only kid there without parents. Wouldn’t that make it even harder? She’snew. Familiar faces will help, surely?”

Scully put thedishes next to the sink. “I don’t know what to do, Mulder. She’s always been soclose with us – with you especially - and now she’s just drifting away. If weshow up without her consent, she’ll be angry. If we don’t show up, and this wasjust a cry for help, then we risk validating her already fragileself-confidence. We need to talk to her, find out what’s bothering her.”

Mulder stoodbehind her and massaged her tense shoulders. “She’s so much like you, Scully –reserved, self-contained. You must remember how hard it is to pull yourself outof that mindset.”

“I do.” Shedotted soap suds on his nose and smiled sadly. “Get ready for some serioussparks, then.”

Esther’s room had the best view of the yard. Mulder had installeda windmill and when the sun was setting it filtered through the blades. Whenshe was younger and looked forward to the end of the day when he’d read to heror run through a sanitised version of one of their cases, he’d sit on her bedand tell her that the golden shafts were her big brother William’s way ofcommunicating with his family.

“He’s sending thewarmest rays as a way of hugging you, Esther. He wishes he could be here but hecan’t right now. This is the best he can do.”

“I think it’spretty good,” she’d say and she’d hug him, extra tight.

Now, the sun’srays were hitting the glass and he watched her for a moment, combing herfingers through the dusty slant of light. She hadn’t heard him come in and shegasped when he sat on the bed.

“Sorry, honey.I just wanted to see if you were okay. You were talking to Will?”

She shook herhead. “I don’t believe in that stuff any more, Dad.”

“That’s ashame,” he said, “because opening your mind to the possibilities of life makesit seem less hard.”

Her jaw lockedand she swung her legs round to sit on the edge of the bed. “Life is finewithout all the voodoo mind control and mumbo jumbo telepathy crap. I’m not alittle kid any more. You know what I think about when I see broken sunlight? Ithink about how my big brother is a selfish shit who won’t come back to sayhello to his family.”

“Esther!”Scully joined them and stood with her hands on her hips. “It’s not like that.”

“You two areso dumb sometimes. You hide behind all the things you used to do, ‘back in theday’, and you have no idea what’s really going on under your noses. Will isnever going to come back. You don’t really talk to him. It’s not real. You justthink you do to make yourself feel better. It’s cruel to Dad really, to makehim think that you have those conversations.

“And I was an accident. I know aboutEmily and I know about that smoking man and I know about all the stuff that wasdone to you both ‘back in the day’. Your lives were shitty and they were weirdand now you’re stuck with me, out here in Nowhereville, compensating for allthe bad things you went through. I don’t have any super powers. I don’t havealien blood. I’m just normal and boring and you can’t rescue me from anythingso you’ve sent me to a school I don’t like because you have to make me specialin some way. You just want me to be different. But I don’t. I don’t want to bedifferent.”

“How do youknow about that stuff, Esther? We haven’t told you some of that.” Scully’svoice cracked and Mulder brushed her cheek, putting his thumb over her lips andshaking his head slightly.

“I don’t know.Maybe Will told me,” she said, blazing. “But, wait. It couldn’t be, becauseguess what? People don’t communicate by telepathy!”

Mulder turnedto his daughter. “Esther, you don’t need super powers or alien blood to be special.Do you know why we think you’re special, why we know you’re different? It’sbecause you’re you and you’re still here with us. You’re still here.”

Scully turnedaway. Esther’s shoulders slumped.

“And tomorrow, when we come to yourparent’s day, we can talk to the Principal about pulling you out, if that’swhat you really want.”

“Please don’tcome tomorrow. I don’t need you to be there. I’ll be fine,” she grabbed a bunchof her duvet cover in her hands and squeezed it. “You don’t understand whatit’s like.” Her voice was a fragile whisper. “You’re just…”

“Just what,Esther?”

She shook herhead and the sun sunk lower, orange flames lighting up her room.

Through the window, Mulder could see Esther sitting towards theback of the library room. She was slightly apart from the other girls aroundher, who were chatting and giggling. Rows of chairs lined the sides. Outsidethe room, the other parents were variously in work clothes, casual dress,talking on cellphones, chatting comfortably with each other. Mulder and Scullyseemed to be one of only three couples. A smartly dressed woman approachedthem, extending her hand.

“I’m Brenna, Alexia’smother. I had to send my parents last year, couldn’t get away from a businessconference. Life is so busy, isn’t it? Getting time off to come to thesespecial days gets harder and harder. It’s wonderful when the extended familycan step in. Who’s your grandchild?”

The dooropened at that moment and the teacher ushered the parents in. Mulder whisperedin Scully’s ear, “I told you I should have used that GreyBeGone stuff. Silverfoxes are so 2018.”

“Hey,” shewhispered back, “Silver or not, you’re my fox - 1993 to infinity.”

As they foundseats midway up, Mulder saw Esther staring at them. Her face turned red and shecuffed away angry tears before faking her best smile at the girl sitting nextto her.

The teachersmiled at Mulder and Scully. “Esther, your parents are here after all, whydon’t you come to the front and let’s hear a little bit about your family.”

As they got into position there was acollective giggle and he heard one child say she though they were thegrandparents. Mulder watched his daughter tilt her chin up higher, despite herclenched fists. In that moment, he saw himself, all the humiliations, thebackhanded comments, the disbelief and headshaking he’d endured. Scully musthave sensed his guilt because she squeezed his hand as they stood at the frontof the room.

The teacher clapped her hands and theclass fell silent. “These are Esther’s parents. I’m sorry, I can’t rememberyour names.

“This is Dana and my name is Fox,” hesaid and watched twenty kids smirk in unison.

A girl put her hand up and Muldernodded to her. “Are you kidding?”

His eyebrows shot up as quickly asEsther’s lowered. “No, it’s on my birth certificate and everything,” he said.“What’s your name?”

“Alexia,” the girl said, “but anyonewho’s anyone calls me Alex.”

Mulder nodded and turned to Scully andhis daughter. “Well, Alex,” he said, “I hope you don’t mind me calling youthat, because back in the day, I was someone. And so was Dana. I was FoxFreaking Mulder. And she was the Enigmatic Doctor Scully. And I promise you mybirth name is Fox and having thatname made me really good at two things. Anyone care to guess what they were?”

Esther’s impatient sigh cut throughhim, but a couple of kids raised their hands, so he pointed to a young boy witha mop of black curls springing from his head.

“Fighting?”

Mulder laughed with the rest of theclass. But Esther’s expression remained grim. When they’d settled, he said,“Pretty good, I was going to say running, because violence is never really theanswer to bullying. And having that name also made me good at being different.And being different has served me, and my family, well over the years.”

There was a look of mild confusion onEsther’s face and he almost saw her soften a little but when Alex asked whatthey did for a living, she scowled again.

“We used to be FBI agentsinvestigating paranormal cases.”

“That must have been a hundred yearsago. You’ve got to be retired,” Alex said. Esther shrugged her hands deeperinto her pockets and looked at the floor like she hoped it might crack open andswallow her.

“We did retire. Well,” he looked atScully, “we were asked to leave. Kind of like being expelled.”

There was a murmur around the room.The girl spoke again. “What did you do to get kicked out? Fail your eyesighttest?”

The teacher went to cut in but held uphis hand. He looked over to where the girl’s mother sat, but she was busy onher phone. “It is true that there are physical requirements to being an agent.Being able to see who to arrest is pretty important. But the reason we left theBureau was because we had a habit of not following the rules. Of doing things alittle differently.”

Mulder smiled at his daughter. Hehoped the small flicker of her lips was a good sign. “Scully and I,” he startedand it resulted in more giggling from the kids. Esther remained silent.

Scully held up her hand. “Mulder and Inever did anything conventionally. We call each other by our last names. Weinvestigated cases that required us to follow some pretty strange leads –photos of UFOs, sightings of Bigfoot, meeting alien abductees, breaking intosecret government storage facilities.”

There was a round of oohs and aaahsfrom the audience which made Esther look up.

“I’m a scientist and I was assigned tokeep Mulder on track, by providing reports and scrutiny…”

“She spied on me,” he said, and someof the kids laughed.

“Our division was called the X-Filesand I learned pretty quickly that science didn’t always offer the answers I wasexpecting. I had to learn to think a little differently.”

“And,” Mulder added, looking atEsther. “I had to learn to be a little less selfish and share my work with theclass. Or at least with Scully. It took me a while to get used to having apartner who questioned everything, who got me out of some sticky situations andwho still showed up day after day. Someone who supported me through everything.That was a new experience for me.”

Esther shut her eyes and Scully pulledher closer.

“Did you ever meet an alien?” the boywith the curly hair asked. He was leaning forward, chin on his hands and eyeswide with rapt attention. “Cos that would be so cool.”

“We did,” Mulder said.

“Not really,” Scully said at the sametime.

“What about Will?” Esther said. Sheseemed shocked to have spoken.

“Who’s Will?” Alex asked.

“My older brother,” Esther said, hervoice growing stronger. “He has alien DNA.”

Mulder’s heart swelled a little and helooked at Scully, who lowered her eyes to her feet with a slow smile. “It’strue that both Esther’s mother and our son have some unusual blood work. But aswe’ve said, being different doesn’t mean you’re less.”

“Will speaks to my mothertelepathically,” Esther said. And instantly the mood in the class changed. Thekids sat up, leant forward. Some of the parents shuffled in their seats andwhispered to each other. The teacher clutched at her pearls. “And I feel him inthe rays of the setting sun. My Mom and Dad have told me stories of the strangethings that happened to them over the years but they gave up that life so thatI could live a normal one. They’ve always told me I was a miracle, but I don’treally think that’s true,” she looked at them and blinked back tears. Her voicesoftened again, but she managed to finish. “I think it’s a miracle that they’remy parents.”

There was a weighted silence in theroom. A couple of polite coughs as they made their way back to their seats.Somebody said ‘spooky’ and Esther smiled at her Dad as she sat back with therest of the kids. The boy with the hair patted her on the back and grinned.Alex looked straight ahead and shook her head when the teacher announced it washer mother’s turn to speak.

There was a fireball in the sky that night and they all decampedto Esther’s room to watch the sun sink lower and lower. The blades of thewindmill creaked slowly round on the building breeze.

“Despite ouradvancing age and the need to have a nap straight after class, I think the kidsthought we were pretty cool in the end,” Mulder said.

“Will saysyou’re nuts,” Scully added.

“Tell him notto be such a giant douchebag and to come home occasionally,” Esther said, lyingback on her bed.

Scully satdown. “You could tell him yourself.”

Her browcrinkled. Mulder put his hand on Scully’s shoulder and nodded. “You should,Esther.”

“How can I dothat? I’m not special.” She used air quotes and a tone not dissimilar tosceptical Scully ‘back in the day’.

Scully pattedher knees. “When we said you were a miracle, we meant it. A child born to abarren, ageing mother.”

“So? That’snot a miracle. It’s more an anomaly. Surely you searched for the logical,rational and oh so scientific answer to my birth.”

“We did andguess what? There was no logical, rational or scientific answer. I had no eggs.I was 54. I shouldn’t have been able to conceive. And yet here you are.”

“But thatdoesn’t mean I can communicate with my mysterious brother who might well be onthe moon for all we know. I don’t know how.”

Mulderchuckled. Scully shook her head. “He’s not on the moon, Esther. And all youhave to do is open yourself up to the realms of extreme possibility.”

Esther’s headlolled back and she took in a deep breath, but no sooner had she done that, thanshe gasped and sat up, clutching her temples. “Oh. My. God. No!” she said.“He’s not on the moon. He’s in Wyoming.”

#txf fanfic #my fanfiction #todayinfic #family fluff #and a little weird stuff

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tinypurpleparrot · 7 years ago

Text

Fanfiction Writer Asks

Fuck it, I’ll do it myself, because I know I can’t count on you nerds to actually ask anything. :p

1) How old were you when you first starting writing fanfiction?

I really don’t know. I’ve been writing creatively since I was like 6. I don’t really remember writing for fandom until Pokémon, but I’ve been in fandom since the original Sailor Moon and Ronin Warriors/Samurai Troopers.

2) What fandoms do you write for and do you have a particular favourite if you write for more than one?

I guess the Yogscast. Except I only really like a few of them, and it sure as shit isn’t the main channel people. I haven’t found a new obsession because I can’t sit still for tv anymore, and I’m a patient gamer/reader. So once I find something I like, it’s probably old and everyone’s already moved on.

3) Do you prefer writing OC’s or reader inserts? Explain your answer.

OCs. I am boring, shy (and thus no fun), and quite good at ruining the moment.

4) What is your favourite genre to write for?

Action/Adventure. Fight scenes. Getting out of dire as fuck situations. Underdogs.

5) If you had to choose a favourite out of all of your multi chaptered stories, which would it be and why?

I have so many… XP I guess a story I wrote in called Royal Infamy. It was literally hundreds of pages long, spanned at least 4 different fandoms, and could’ve been a standalone series if I just changed the names. Unfortunately it’s been lost to the ooooolllllddddd (and I mean 2001) internet. I like to think that maybe it’s on some ancient server, saved by those sorts of people who try to archive the entire internet and have literal exabytes of hoarded data. It was also how I met my SO of 13 years.

6) If you had to delete one of your stories and never speak of it again, which would it be and why?

A Prince of Persia fic. I don’t even like Prince of Persia.

7) When is your preferred time to write?

I never get as much inspiration as when it’s 1am and I’m supposed to be going to bed like a normal person. But never at a normal hour in the evening unless I’m inspired at work and have to rush home before I forget.

8) Where do you take your inspiration from?

It used to be from all the anime I used to watch, now it’s cobbled together from fantasy books and video games.

9) In your xxx fic, what’s your favourite scene that you wrote?

Like erotic fic? Eeeh. I’m so terrible at it that I literally only have one, I’m writing it right now, I’m not finished, and I don’t particularly like it because I keep subconsciously writing away from the part where they hold hands because I’m conflicted and discomforted by the whole thing, to be honest. Like, even when I was adolescent and supposed to be thirsty as teenagers are, I just wasn’t and couldn’t. My ex tried to get me to write something for him, and I still couldn’t do it. *shrug* It doesn’t help that I’ve never been big on shipping. …Those characters sure are standing next to each other, yep.

10) In your xxx fic, why did you decide to end it like that? Did you have an alternative ending in mind?

Hahah… endings. That’s good. (Also see previous question.)

11) Have you ever amended a story due to criticisms you’ve received after posting it?

Not that I can recall, unless you count ‘stop doing that thing’, ‘okay’ *does it more*

12) Who is your favourite character to write for? Why?

Rythian. Fuckin’ edgelord. Just everything about him and his OC is *kisses fingers*.

13) Who is your least favourite character to write for? Why?

Unfortunately Rythian is usually entangled with other people from the Yogscast. :p

14) How did you come up with the title for the xxx?

Current project doesn’t even have a title, that’s how non-committed I am to it (she says even though it’s fast approaching a novelette.)

15) If you write OC’s, how do you decide on their names?

If it’s an OC of a particular universe, there’s probably a naming convention, and I go by many names. If it’s just generic freestanding story, I keysmash and pick through it until it rolls off the tongue.

16) How did you come up with the idea for xxx?

Classic ‘rivals who hide their sexual tension behind their distaste for one another.’

17) Post a line from a WIP that you’re working on.

“I haven’t seen your face since when you first came back from The End. And the … incident with trying to rid you of your curse.” He chuckled. “I’ve actually seen a lot more than your scars.”

18) Do you have any abandoned WIP’s? What made you abandon them?

Like 75% of my work is abandonware. I have ADHD, I get bored, and I usually take so long, the fandom “dies” before I can finish. And the moment is gone.

19) Are there any stories that you’ve written that you’d really love to do a sequel to?

Royal Infamy. And make it mine this time.

20) Are there any stories that you wished you’d ended differently?

Probably Royal Infamy.

21) Tell me about another writer(s) who you admire? What is it about them that you admire?

Ilona Andrews. Her style is exactly what I aim for. …Okay maybe not the monster fucking, but the rest of it. Exciting, tense, a little bit scary.

22) Do you have a story that you look back on and cringe when you reread it?

The Prince of Persia fic. The first draft of the erofic. The weeb crack.

23) Do you prefer listening to music when you’re writing or do you need silence?

Silence. My brain goes 100% towards analyzing music and then I can’t focus on anything else.

24) How do you feel about writing smutty scenes?

Eeeeeeehhhhhh *whines* I don’t wanna…

25) Have you ever cried whilst writing a story?

Nope. I don’t write that kind of pain.

26) Which part of your xxx fic was the hardest to write?

The part where these two people who’ve tried to murder each other could even reasonably be in each other’s presence, let alone fuck. Also eternal hatred for evasive genital description brought on by a broken, puritan society.

27) Do you make a general outline for your stories or do you just go with the flow?

I should start making outlines. My current three projects keep going off the rails.

28) What is something you wished you’d known before you started posting fanfiction?

To go in with no expectations of people ever responding let alone giving feedback to anything. You’re just tossing shit in a hole and for every ton, one flower might grow.

29) Do you have a story that you feel doesn’t get as much love as you’d like?

I did a thing about how Lalnable Hector created Echo, and *crickets*.

30) In contrast to 29 is there a story which gets lots of love which you kinda eye roll at?

Twenty years later, I still get emails about a fic I wrote about Birdy the Mighty (C-tier anime about a dead boy soul-sharing an intergalactic cop’s body.)

31) Send me a fic recommendation and I’ll post it for my followers to see! (The asker is to send the rec not the answerer)

32) Are any of your characters based on real people?

Other than putting slivers of wish fulfillment in, no.

33) What’s the biggest compliment you’ve gotten?

Someone found a fic I wrote in two weeks in an archive over 20 years old and sent me kudos. Like, that shit should’ve been buried. But they found it.

34) What’s the harshest criticism you’ve gotten?

Mary Sue. And you’re goddamn right she was. And I’ll fucking do it again.

35) Do you share your story ideas with anyone else or do you keep them close to your chest?

Nope, not for fear or anything, I just don’t think to share before it’s done because I’ll probably abandon it anyway.

36) Can you give us a spoiler for one of your WIP’s?

You’ll be unsatisfied with the ending.

37) What’s the funniest story you’ve written?

You fucking made me open one of my old Gundam Wing crack fics to check. Now I don’t know because I’m still cringing.

38) If you could collab with any other writer on here, who would it be? (Perhaps this question will inspire some collabs!) If you’re shy, don’t tag the blog, just name it.

*shrug* Like… I haven’t done a collab in *checks calendar* 17 years. I don’t have any live fandoms. I’m not big on trying to meld with other people’s styles.

39) Do you prefer first, second or third person?

Third.

40) Do people know you write fanfiction?

No.

41) What’s your favourite minor character you’ve written?

Can’t think of one. I usually don’t have minor/background characters?

42) Song fic - What made you decide to use the song xxx for xxx.

…Okay, now I seriously can’t tell if xxx means erotic or a particular example. 😐 Anyway, I for some reason lost the ability to link songs to fics/personalities. I just don’t think of any particular person when I hear a song and vice-versa.

43) Has anyone ever guessed the plot twist of one of your fics before you posted it?

That would imply enough people cared.

44) What is the last line you wrote?

Despite the queen pushing him, he couldn’t move even if he wanted to (which he didn’t.)

45) What spurs you on during the writing process?

If I don’t fucking do this it’s going to bother the fuck out of me for weeks, even if I don’t finish. Just get it on paper so it goes away.

46) I really loved your xxx fic. If you were ever to do a sequel, what do you think might happen in it?

More action and intrigue.

47) Here’s a fic title - insert a made up title. What would this story be about?

48) What’s your favourite trope to write?

The antagonist finds the protagonist’s berserk button and realizes that maybe they should not have pushed it.

49) Can you remember the first fic you read? What was it about?

I can’t remember fics I wrote. And shit, that was at least 23 years ago. (She says even though she can perfectly remember her first fantasy novel 30 years ago. (The Gammage Cup))

50) If you could write only angst, fluff or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why?

Angst. I think. I’ve gotten good feedback from my more serious stuff.

#fanfiction #about #check out my fanfiction tag. :p

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fyeahwynonnaearp · 8 years ago

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Wynonna Earp Questions I Want Most Answered (UPDATED)

I shall keep a running list of questions throughout the season and I have a feeling it will get extensive. There’s a good chance that there’s gonna be spoilers so everything will be under the cut.

As usual, if you got answers/opinions, leave a message or let’s discuss over at https://discord.gg/yaAdGGT

UPDATED: 02 August 2017, 17:23 EST

From S1

1. Gooverly: Evil or Nah? I’m still NOT completely sure, but The Goo™ wants to have fun (S02E04). Evil, pretty sure. Because how can it be so freakin’ mean to Nicole?!? (S02E05). 2. Is Waverly really an Earp (or will she be a Haught instead **wink**wink**)? 3. Does Waverly tell anyone about her being “not an Earp”? Yes. Nicole :) (S02E02). She sent DNA sample but no confirmation seen yet (S2E08). 4. Where did Peacemaker send Willa? 5. Juan Carlo, what art thou? Who art thou? STILL don’t know but he helped bring Dolls to the Earp Homestead (S02E04). He also has been helping/guiding The Order™ (S02E05). A priest in Purgatory who helped capture the Widows the first time and one of the seal keepers (S2E08). 6. Dolls, what art thou? Some type of human/demon hybrid created by Black Badge (S02E01). He can breathe FIRE!!! (S02E04). Is he a dragon? 7. Who and WHERE is Mama Earp? According to Waverly’s old scrapbooking gone wild board at her old Shorty’s apartment, Mama Earp’s name was Wendy Rosie (Thanks, @cm0999). But where did she run off to?!? 8. So, Constance the Stone Witch is just chilling in the salt flats? She’s coming back isn’t she? NOPE. That little Tucker found the Stone Witch and beheaded her (S2E06). 9. So...the whole “Keeper of the Bones” thing is done right? Because Waverly done destroyed the skull and Constance’s sons are dead-dead? 10. Who did Waverly shoot at? The new creature, Hala, a Bulgarian devourer of souls (S02E01). 11. What will happen to all the revenants now that Bobo is gone? Not at trailer park anymore. They’re all scattered. (S02E02).

Start of S2

12. Will Doc get a new hat? Yes. He stole one :) (S02E04). 13. Wynonna, how are you really feeling? Well, crappy enough that The Goo™ was able to possess her pretty easily (s02E04). 14. Dolls. Are you gonna be okay? Well, he’s breathing out fire. So, yes? (S02E04). 15. So...are Chrissy and Waverly still friends? (Kinda want a Waverly-can’t-help-but-gush-about-her-girlfriend-to-her-friend-who-is-clearly-over-and-tired-of-this-coversation scene) 16. Gus, where art thou? 17. What is up with Black Badge? Are they still doing human experiments? They’re not the totally good guys anymore...are they? So Black Badge Division, Ghost River Triangle branch is no more. According to Moody, it wasn’t even a government agency in the first place (S2E06). 18. Lucado is definitely getting demoted, right? Yup. She’s stuck at Purgatory until they collect every last supernatural entity that entered the Triangle. (S02E02). 19. What does Nicole think about her girlfriend’s new voice? Did she hear Waverly say “At least, not today”? She didn’t know Waverly was possessed, but will shoot anybody for her. Should I find that sweet and adorable? (S02E05). 20. Does Jeremy question how Waverly scared the “devour of souls”? NOPE. As of S2E06, it never came up. Doubt it ever will since Mictian/Mikshun is gone. 21. What did Dolls tell Doc? To create his serum? Not, entirely clear on that, but I think it is (S02E03/4). 22. Does the BBD blood oath/contract come into play later? TBD as of S2E06. 23. When does Nicole get a new uniform and why? (based on S2 pictures) Because she hates khakis and Nedley wants her to be sheriff when he retires. (S2E03). It’s gonna happen on Episode 5, based on promo pictures. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. 24. When does Wynonna find out about Gooverly? S02E04. OH S H I T. 25. Why does Waverly take the bell from the police station? Gooverly is hoarding shiny things. (S2E03). 26. Dementors in Purgatory? Or Willa is somehow back (again)? The two Women in Black were the ones that escaped from BBD when it blew up; Lady Gaga hand. (S2E03). 27. Hellmouth?! Well, some asshole broke through the asshole-of-a-seal (S02E04). Well, there are three seals and two are broken by the Widows/Ladies in Black (S2E06). Keeping Sheriff Clootie locked away (S2E08). 28. Does Doc know where Dolls is? Making preparations to create his meds (w/ Rosita)? No. Doc didn’t know where Dolls was but is working on making his serum. (S2E03). 29. *whispers* Could Nicole be supernatural as well? Because I have theories that I will not get into and I still don’t know how I feel about the possibility of non-human Haught. 30. “I like you”?!? Waverly, what happened to “I love her?”? Everyone is just casually saying that they love each other but WayHaught hasn’t said it to each other (S02E05). 31. Shouldn’t Wynonna know whether or not Waverly is biologically related to her? Because she’s six years older and would remember if Mommy was preggers. Or does she call Waverly “baby girl” because when baby!Waverly came to live with them she didn’t have a name yet and Wynonna being the Earp girl who didn’t hate the new child took care of the baby and (due to lack of name) just called her “baby girl”. Remembers when they brought Waverly home from the hospital (S2E08). 32. When did Doc have time to meet people (i.e. Rosita)? Wasn’t he stuck in a well for like...forever? 33. So...any more future private shows for Officer Haught? I need to know, for science. And, role playing? 34. What came first: the trophy or the Marzaniok? Or did Wynonna just assume that it came from the trophy because Perry never said that it did, just that it came out of the trophy case and that they were pretty high when it happened. 35. Why or what does Rosita need protection from? 36. Why do they need ‘pure’ demon blood to make Dolls’ serum? Apparently, Doc’s blood doesn’t work? 37. What was Lucado’s ‘personal matter’? I’m guessing it’s trying to get back to BBD HQ’s good graces (S02E04). 38. How many times have Waverly ‘gone on patrol’ with Nicole? Just, for science, again. 39. What’s with the random snacks Gooverly?!? IDK but based on a promo, Goononna is worse. We’ll probably never know... (S02E05). 40. Why did Mama and Papa Gardner leave most of their fortune to the town? Yes, they’re rich. But, is that all why the Gardners are a big deal in Purgatory? 41. Because Waverly doesn’t remember when she’s being Gooverly, does Gooverly implant memories when taking over? Because I think Waverly would be concerned if she’s blacking out. Finally acknowledged that she’s missing time (S02E04). 42. “Not in uniform, okay? Not in public.” Will we see more sexy times in uniform in Officer Haught in private? 43. “Not good enough.” Does that mean Waverly just wants to jump Nicole every time she’s in uniform or does Gooverly have a crush on Nicole? Because Gooverly does kinda come in defense of Nicole when Tucker was being his creepy, homophobic self. Fandom things The Goo™ was trying to possess Nicole, but didn’t work. Though, I strongly believe (and it’s my headcanon) that The Goo™ has a crush on Nicole (S02E04). 44. And what is up with Tucker Gardner, Town Pervert? Tucker “wants a girl”. It could either be Waverly or Nicole. I think he wants Nicole because he’s starting to be fixated on her. Thin line between hate and obsession? (S02E04). Why did Nedley compile a confidential file on him? Because Tucker has always been protected by his parents/money and has past criminal behavior (S02E04). 45. Will Wynonna and Nicole be bros again? Wynonna apologized to Nicole (S02E04). They both acknowledge Waverly is being weird but Nicole might think it’s the whole “not being an Earp” because she immediately tells Wynonna she won’t betray Waverly’s trust. But I’m gonna need some bro scenes in the future. 46. Where did Waverly disappear to when the gang went to contain the Marzaniok? Next we see her is in Shorty’s and then at the barn. Even Nicole pointed out, “I thought she was with you”. Must be important if it was mentioned. 47. How did Tucker know where Waverly would be when he cornered her? 48. Was Tucker’s bracelet that Gooverly take important/significant? Probably not important, but the metal was for a DIY lightning rod (S2E05). PS: It looked like a medical bracelet. 49. Will there be no consequence with Wynonna’s wish because it was the demon that made the deal with her and not the other way around? 50. Why did Nedley try so hard to specifically recruit Nicole to work in Purgatory? I double that it was just because she was “top of her class”. 51. “Non-werewolf” citizens? 52. Nedley said “they could use your instincts” to Nicole. So, does Haught-stuff have really good instincts (maybe almost supernatural levels)? She does heal rather quickly....(jfc, these non-human Nicole theories, I’m torn about it). 53. Nicole from the Big City? When will we have more Nicole-backstory? Ooh...Nicole-flashbacks? 54. Why were the Women in Black at the Gardner residence? (and RIP Mercedes?) They STOLE Beth and Mercedes’ faces!! (S02E04). They were attracted to Tucker’s darkness...his “prowess”. ew. 55. Gooverly doesn’t seem to hurt Dolls, based on Dolls being okay in the promo for episode 4? (See Question #1) Well, we don’t know what Gooverly was gonna do with that knife (S02E04). 56. Where’s Nicole’s hat?!? New uniform. New hat, apparently. She now wears a baseball cap (S2E06). Will the stetson make a return appearance though? 57. Why does Wynonna smell Mommy’s perfume around the Women in Black? 58. Doc’s horse, where art thou? (anon asks) 59. Dragon!Dolls?!? According to Wynonna: tiny, sexy dragon (S206). 60. Is Jeremy torn between Doc and Dolls? Will we get a flashback of Dolls helping Jeremy with that one chin-up? What is the connection between Jeremy’s mom and Dolls? 61. Will Tucker go after Nicole? Perhaps. But his obsession with Waverly reached new heights (S2E06). 62. Does Nicole have a gluten and lactose problem and that’s why Waverly is excited about being “this close” to getting that vegetarian restaurant for her girl? Asking, for science. 63. Will anyone tell Nicole about Gooverly? Sorta? They don’t really go into the whole “BTW, Waverly has been possessed for the past few weeks”. I really hope Waverly talks to her about it in future episodes (S02E05). 64. Rosita/Doc, is that gonna be a thing? Confirmed sexual relations (S02E06) but not in a relationship. Lovers (S2E08). 65. Will anyone find Waverly’s hand in Ba-Ding Ba-Ding? Probably not? But now we know you can get The Goo™ by severing it’s host and melting it down (S02E05). 66. What is up with the Purgatory Fair commemorative plate? Is Edwin Earp gonna be relevant this season? Why is it so important? So, it’s important to The Order™ dudes and it had their sigil. This will probably play out in the future and may have connections to the asshole seal (S02E05). 67. GOONONNA?!? Well, that was scary and short-lived. But damn! Goononna is uber mean to Nicole. Can we stop being so mean to Nicole? #StopBeingMeanToNicole2k17 (S02E05). 68. (Based on promo pictures) When/Why/How does Gooverly come back? Plus, Andras had said in an interview, we will see more The Goo™/tentacle powers. Waverly being a self-sacrificial cinnamon roll (S02E05). 69. (Based on promo picture) Is Officer Haught protecting Gooverly in her new outfit?! Does she know?!? Protective!Girlfriend!Haught will still love you and shoot anyone for you (S02E05). 70. What is coming?! Are the Women in Black connected to it? BIG MAYBE. We know the Widows are after the seals and probably will unleash something (S2E06). Widows breaking seal to release their husband Clootie demon (S2E08). 71. Are real!Beth and real!Mercedes just faceless, but alive? Because at least one of the bodies were still wiggling. Safe to assume they’re dead (S2E07). 72. Where in the world did Officer Nicole Haught get a gluten-free, lactose-free pizza in almost-have-a-vegetarian-restaurant Purgatory?!? 73. What’s with The Goo™ hoarding all the metal? Does Nicole get her utensils back? The Goo™ made a lighting rod to fuse more permanently to Waverly. Like...that’s super-extra. Does The Goo™ know you can just order one online? (S02E05). 74. Why was Waverly hit with a tranq dart on her way to band? And bandnerd!Waverly?! Yes. What instrument did she play? 75. Pregnant Wynonna! This is NOT a drill! Who is the father? Everyone pretty much accepted that Doc Holliday is the biological father (S2E06). 76. Goocado. Where did the body go? OFFICIAL: Lucado is RIP (S2E06). 77. How will The Squad™ and The Order™ team up? Isn’t The Order™ just focused on The Goo™? 78. WHAT IS WAVERLY? The Goo™ teased that she had ‘dark corners’. Somewhat hinted she is part-demon/part-Revenant (S2E07) and the theory is believed by many Earpers. 79. How does Waverly feel about Nicole’s new outfit? She likes it. Very much so. (Based on Purgatory Case Files text) 80. How does Wynonna really feel about Nicole? ‘Queen Brisk of Bossy Town’ (S2E05). Hang out at strip club, Pussy Willows, and talked about effects of The Seven (S2E07). 81. Is Wynonna’s baby okay? Because, yes she’s been drinking and eating rats and has been possessed?!? It has a strong heartbeat and grew during sleeping spell despite the fact that it shouldn’t have done so (S2E06, S2E07). 82. The Plate™, The Women In Black, The Order™, The Asshole Seal™ are they all connected? How are they all connected? The Widows are after the three seals to break it (S2E06, S2E07). 83. WTF Happened to Black Badge? The place is now empty?!? They’re ghosting the Ghost River Triangle and apparently isn’t a government agency, never was (S2E06). 84. When will we see where Nicole lives? I hope it’s not a motel room. 85. And what about Nicole’s cat? 86. Is Wynonna’s pregnancy supernatural/paranormal-related? Is it human? It grew even though it wasn’t supposed to (S2E06). Possibility of baby being half-Revenant (S2E07). 87. The Ghost River Triangle is also called The Sanctuary, what is it actually protecting? 88. What are the (three) seals for? To keep Sheriff Clootie locked away (S2E08). 89. Is Doc now mortal since the Stone Witch is dead? He was shown coughing; he had tuberculosis and the curse ‘stopped’ it (S2E07). Juan Carlo also assumed to be dying from gangrene (S2E08). 90. Is Baby Donut/Earp affected by the curse that was placed on Doc by Constance? Doc might not be the biological father (S2E07). 91. Where is Tucker now? What is he planning? Tucker is MIA (S2E07). 92. Being Hypno’s daughter, is Poppy fully demon or a hybrid? Will she also have time manipulation powers? 93. Jeremy brings up an important point, who is paying The Squad now? Will Waverly need to work at Shorty’s again? 94. Would Doc continue having sex with Rosita? Yes. They’re “Lovers” (S2E08). 95. Will Jeremy and Nicole be gay BFFs? 96. Do the Widows and Constance Clootie share a husband? YES (S2E08). 97. Are the Widows witches? 98. Why does Widow!Mercedes hate Wyatt Earp? Was he the one who killed their husband? 99. The Widows and The Squad are both after Tucker, as a police offer, will Nicole have to protect him from the Widows? 100. With Doc being “I am all in”, how will the Wyndolliday dynamic change? Dolls and Doc are supporting Wynonna/helping her out. They kidnapped a doctor for her (S2E07). 101. Who are the Powers To Be™ in Black Badge Division? 102. Why does Moody say BBD was never a government agency? 103. Is the rumor of a Revenant/Human hybrid baby true? 104. Since Wynonna is moving on and not planning to do genetic testing (based on interview by Emily Andras), will we ever find out who the bio baby daddy is? 105. The Ghost/Phantom Marshals, do they exist to police humans turned supernatural based on treatment of Doc? 106. Are the Phantom Marshals under Black Badge or just regular law enforcement? 107. Is Rosita from Doc’s past? If so, she isn’t a mortal human. What is she? 108. Why did Nicole have to build a temporary shelter in a flood zone? What the hell was her life? 109. Waverly’s origin story? Wynonna remembers when she was brought home from the hospital (S2E08). 110. Based on S2E08 sneak peek, why does Wynonna have trouble remembering her childhood? Waverly may have thought it was Wynonna that pulled her out of the water, but it was really Bobo (S2E08). OR (if the vision quest does affect the timeline), it was Wynonna originally. IDK. Who knows. 111. Based on S2E08 sneak peek, Wynonna says they were going to name her ‘Welcome’ and Waverly said that Wynonna gave her her name. Willa’s diary also mentioned “why does she get the pretty name?”. Because Time Travel is apparently possible based on the sneak peek, did Wynonna give them the name before returning to proper timeline? Wynonna gave the name ‘Waverly’ to Bobo when he asked for his angel’s name (S2E08). 112. How was Dolls able to touch/punch Ghost Marshall Reeves considering he just said he can’t be touched by something in this earthly plane? 113. Did the vision quest change the current timeline? Specifically, will Bobo and Wynonna’s relationship be different now? 114. Will the Clootie demon need to be re-sealed? If so, will the keeper of the seals also have immortality as a side-effect? 115. Is there anything supernatural about the Purgatory Sheriff’s Department? 116. Who tasked The Order to protect the Triangle from demons? 117. How does Ewan know about BBD? 118. What makes Wynonna special/different from past Earp heirs? 119. How did the Widows end up with Black Badge? 120. Why is Bobo the only revenant back? 121. Wayhaught angst. It’s not a question. Jk. Would they finally have a serious talk about protecting each other? Also, Nicole backstory needed...so much. 122. Earp baby’s accelerated growth. Why? 123. Will Bobo’s obsession/relationship with Willa come up again? 124. While dying, Robert Svane says “...I’ve caught glimpses of you my entire life”. Hallucinating (because, you know, dying) or Wynonna goes on future vision quests? 125. Robert rang the bell in the past/vision quest. Why did it happen in the present?

#wynonna earp #questions i want most answered #wayhaught #waverly earp #doc holliday #Xavier Dolls #gooverly #nicole haught #sheriff nedley #juan carlo #constance clootie

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bewitchthequeen · 8 years ago

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The Worst (and Best) Part of The Originals 4x11 and 4x12

I was late on 4x11 so I put them together.

Note: If you like Hayley, Elijah, Freya, Davina, Kolvina, Freya/Keelin. or Haylijah and don’t care to hear counter opinions and that makes you aggressive and mean then this isn’t something you’re interested in, I’m going to have to ask you to move along :D I’m entitled to my opinions as you are yours. Any aggression targeted at me because I don’t ship what you ship or like who you like will be treated with demeaning responses.

You have been warned.

Side Note: I have nothing against any of the actors (or the writers), these are solely my opinions, which I’m entitled to have.

If you have anything to include, feel free to add your own thoughts.

I’m putting this under a Read More so people who don’t want to see this doesn’t have to.

1. I still feel bringing Davina back is a weak ass retcon and I really don’t care about her living again. Booooring. Oooh Davina’s going to suffer if the Hollow dies? Still don’t care about Davina being back. Honestly, she’s just becoming more and more of a crappy remake of Bonnie. I mean, Bonnie had justified anger. Davina’s angry at the world and is quickly killing any sympathy that I’ve had for her.

2. Oh, look, Haylijah bullshit. Here comes me not caring again. Last scene we saw of them was her being afraid of him. Which is bullshit in itself but whatever.

3. Oh, Elijah’s been gone for a few days and the pendant can’t hold Elijah. It held Finn for how long before he came back? But Elijah’s been in for a day, if that, and it can’t hold him. Lemme call bullshit. That’s some straight up bullshit. Honestly, I think we need a bit of a break from Elijah and his bullshit. If anything, we should have been seeing him dealing with being in the pendant but no. It was breaking (which was stupid but whatever).

4. Calling Kol to help with the totem when he has said totem. That’s not cliche or anything at all. The characters don’t know that, but I’m sorry, the writers should know better.

5. Rebekah continues to be the best and I love her. Queen Rebekah deserves the best and she’s coming correct with the lines this season.

6. This show rides Hayley’s nonexistent dick so hard sometimes. It’s exhausting me.

7. “Compel her a nanny”. Fuck. You. Freya.

8. “I can’t take a little girl’s mother”. But you can take her father. Please, shut the fuck up, Davina. Your double standards are bullshit. You had shitty parents and you should be more inclined to appreciate someone trying to be better for their kid, something your parents didn’t do. But, no, you tried to justifying killing Klaus even though he had seldom to do with your death. But you’re cool with Hayley the, what, two minutes you spent with her. Why does everyone seem to like Hayley even though she has a shitty personality? Seriously. Oh, right. She a huge Mary Sue, that’s why. Everyone loves her, even though she does some terrible shit and tries to justify it. She killed 12 of her friends for a fucking flash drive, but she’s somehow a lot more reliable than Klaus and basically anyone else. Okay. Sure.

9. YOU’RE GOING TO USE YOUR NIECE TO FUCKING UNLINK YOUR GIRLFRIEND FROM THE HOLLOW ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! This Kolvina bullshit is making me so unbelievably sick. Davina being the center of his universe after knowing and dating her for a few months (if that) and five years later he’s obsessing over her. What the hell is so special about her? And using her as Kol’s redemption is total bullshit. After him bitching about how his family excludes him, how am I suppose to feel sympathy when he pulls shit like that?

10. Hayley and Freya, two people I don’t give a shit about. Yay, that means I can ignore this. Cause fuck these two. Fuck these two people in particular. Both of them make me sick.

11. Oh, look how quick they were put out of commission. That’s so cute. And you thought you were just going to get the drop on the Hollow.

12. “I’m not suppose to do magic with strangers” DAMNNNNNNN!! Hope done told you Kol. (Note: I love Kol Mikaelson. I just don’t like Kolvina or Davina). Get some ice for that burrrrrrrrn.

13. Kol betrayed Klaus and Klaus is now pissed off. God damn. I want to know what he was expecting.

14. “Is he [Elijah] good to you?” Guess what? I DON’T CARE! All the shits I give, Hayley isn’t one of them. Honestly, I appreciated her having a personality but it’s also being very high and mighty and going against what she’s done in the past. I’m sorry, but there is nothing... nothing... That could have happened in those five years that could justify her getting on an even higher horse than she was already on.

15. Corrupting a memory of Jackson. I wasn’t expecting that, god damn. Good job, Hollow. I approve, despite the fact that you’re not really even vaguely threatening when you speak.

16. Guess who’s back, back, back, back again, gain, gain. Jack is back, back, back. And he’s kicking Hayley’s ass.

17. Freya and Keelin is still lackluster for me. Mostly, because Keelin deserves better. And it feels kind of forced. I don’t know. Maybe the whole Stockholm Syndrome isn’t a winning trope for me. Now I know she’s not being held hostage anymore but that doesn’t change what a raging bitch Freya was. Why does the show think that to be a strong, female character that means you have to be the hugest bitch in the universe.

18. Kol and his reasons. Honestly, you’re betraying your family when giving them a bit of a heads up would have helped immensely. Klaus probably wouldn’t be as pissed. But again, season 2 he was bitching about how he was trusted or treated like a part of the family but then he turns around and does this for someone he’s only known for a little over five years.

19. I stop paying attention with Davina on screen. It’s so I don’t start screaming and so this list won’t devolve into only cuss words.

20. Klaus is right and he doesn’t owe Davina shit. Especially after she tried to justify killing him. Fuck her. “But she was killed over him” Yeah, well, Klaus didn’t kill her. He’s not the one who killed her and, like I said before, Elijah would have been good enough to be killed instead but that was a personal vendetta against Klaus. But Davina gets a happy ending even though she doesn’t really deserve it. “But she died” Okay? And? How many times did Bonnie die and she still got fucked over? The female characters on this show just get away with too much shit and it makes me sick.

21. Kol got to me. And I feel for him, but I honestly can’t feel for Davina. I love Kol and his heart breaking makes me hurt, but I really just don’t like Davina and how she’s forgiven for the things she does.

22. Why was Hayley afraid of Elijah again? Fucking psycho murder bitch right there. Hayley goes over kill and she tore people limb from limb but she’s afraid of Elijah. Hey, I want Haylijah dead as much as the next anti Haylijah person, but when shit don’t make sense, I gotta call that out. Gafuck yourself, Hayley Marshall.

23. Rebekah/Marcel feels. <3 I still love them so.

24. Kolvina still is something that makes me feel numb in this show. Neither of them really suffered enough to warrant a happy ending. The ancestors wanted to destroy Davina’s soul and yet somehow she survived that. Whatever. Just... what the fuck ever.

25. Did anyone else notice that Davina didn’t even try to go and see Marcel before just running off with Kol? Where’s that love you claimed that you had for him? This just proves to me how ungrateful Davina is. Am I really going to have to make an anti list for her? It’s bad enough I gotta do it for Hayley, but now her? This just proves that Cami is the best non-Mikaelson woman and this godforsaken show. When she turned into a vampire sure she was a royal bitch, but at least she wasn’t fucking ungrateful.

26. Another Hayley scene that I don’t give a damn about. -insert me whistling-

27. Possessed Hope. Never would have guessed it! (sarcasm).

28. Vincent is finally back which makes this episode better than the last two. Proof that Vincent makes everything better is that I actually am getting hyped for this episode. Woooooo!

29. Elijah throwing a fit over Hayley. I only have one thing to say to Elijah: Katherine.

30. Hayley not talking to Elijah because? Oh, she’s scared of him. Bitch, get over yourself.

31. Rebekah<3 My love for her is endless and god I hope some goodness comes to her, please.

32. Keelin is too good for Freya. Not even a sex scene can mend that. Freya is just a fucking horrible person and I can’t take it and she doesn’t deserve a relationship or need one for that matter. The thought of her being romantic with anyone is enough to make me want to spit acid.

33. Hayley always wants to demand attention even if there are pressing matters. This has not changed at all in the last five years.

34. Hayley running away from Elijah. Down with Haylijah! Down with Haylijah!

35. Hayley saw monster!Elijah and I’m just like bitch... You’ve done some horrible shit. Get off your high horse.

36. Freya’s death speech. She’s tethered to Klaus. They never broke her immortality bullshit so...? What the hell is she talking about? Her immortality never stopped. She’s still immortal. That’s why Dahlia tethered herself to Klaus, so she wouldn’t have to sleep to remain immortal. Freya is still immortal. Did the writers forget about that or something?

37. “I want you to take Hayley and Hope away from this”. You’re in no position to be telling anyone anything. Especially not Hope. You are not Hope’s father and it pisses me off when he acts like it. Get the fuck out of here.

38. If Vincent stays dead, I riot.

39. Freya/Keelin is still just so half assed to me. At least that’s how I feel...

40. Hayley gets impaled but lemme guess the Hollow “somehow” missed her heart and she’s still alive.... Told ya.

41. Vincent. Haaa! Bitch! :D I love Vincent.<3

42. Klaus talking to Hope<3

43. Hayley is invoking my rage towards her again.

Well, that’s it for now. Hope you enjoyed<3

#the originals #to #tvd #antihaylijah #anti elijah mikaelson #kind of #anti to #anti freya mikaelson #anti freelin #anti davina #anti davina claire #anti kolvina #anti hayley #anti hayley marshall #the originals 4x11 #the originals 4x12 #anti #anti list

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themoneybuff-blog · 6 years ago

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Is OnTrajectory the best retirement calculator?

My colleagues, who are money nerds just like me, know that I'm obsessed with finding the best retirement calculator. I've been on this quest for years. As you'll learn later this week, my favorite retirement tool is (and has been) NewRetirement. But there are other great tools out there. You really need to try OnTrajectory, Jillian from Montana Money Adventures told me last summer. It's great. She's been telling me that over and over ever since. (Meanwhile, Gwen from Fiery Millennials has also been pressuring me to try OnTrajectory.) Last week, at long last, I had a chance to chat with Tyson Koska, the founder of OnTrajectory. During a 30-minute call, he walked me through setting up an account and playing with the tool's features. I'm impressed. NewRetirement is still my favorite tool, but OnTrajectory is damn close. And I can see how for some people, the latter may actually be a better choice. Today, let's take a look at what makes OnTrajectory one of the best retirement calculators available on the web. How OnTrajectory Started The OnTrajectory origin story is similar to that of You Need a Budget. Koska spent decades looking for a tool that would give him a high-level view of his financial future. I couldn't find one that I liked, he says. He didn't like their assumptions. He didn't like their interfaces. He didn't like their limited functionality. Eventually, he took matters into his own hands. He built a complex spreadsheet to explore different variables and what-if scenarios. From there, he began coding Excel macros and small software tools. Over time, the current version of OnTrajectory evolved from his experimentation. Just as YNAB grew out of Jesse Mecham's desire to build himself the perfect budgeting tool, OnTrajectory is a product of Koska's quest for the perfect retirement calculator. Over the years, it's morphed from a simple spreadsheet to a complex tool with a distinctive look and feel. OnTrajectory is all about this graph:

That graph really dominates your tool, I told Koska on our call. Exactly, he said. That's the whole point. That graph is always present at the top of your screen to show you your trajectory. Any time you make an adjustment to your assumptions any time that graph gets updated. Because Koska considers himself a part of the growing FIRE community the group of folks who is interested in financial independence and early retirement OnTrajectory is built with their needs in mind. You want to retire by 40? Fine. OnTrajectory can handle that. You want some absurd saving rate like 90%? No problem. You can model pretty much any scenario you can imagine. Getting Started It's easy to get started with OnTrajectory. Once you provide login credentials, you're given two choices: A quick-start wizard that asks only three questions before launching you into the tool.A more comprehensive guided entry process during which you manually enter your income, expenses, and existing investment accounts. The former is quick and easy. The latter provides better results. As you can probably guess, I'm not a quick-start wizard sort of guy. I opted to use the longer guided entry process. It didn't take anywhere near the 30-minute projected time. (But that's probably because I already had my financial info gathered in one place.)

During the set-up process, OnTrajectory asks questions about your existing financial infrastructure and your goals for the future. It uses this info to populate three of its five navigation tabs. The guided entry asks you to: Designate expected income, including regular salary, Social Security, pensions, rental income, and so on.Specify large, recurring expenses such as vehicle payments, housing payment, insurance premiums, property taxes, and the like.Enter current balances of major financial accounts like your Roth IRA and 401(k), regular brokerage accounts, and your bank accounts. (OnTrajectory does not automatically connect to your accounts. You must enter this info manually.) You can add to or alter these numbers at any time. They're not set in stone, so don't be afraid of making mistakes. OnTrajectory is free to use for fourteen days. (You don't even need to enter credit card info, which is awesome!) If you'd like to continue using the tool, however, you have to subscribe at $4.99/month (or $49/year).

Using OnTrajectory OnTrajectory seems simple at first, but the more I worked with it, the more I appreciated how it handles complexity. One of its strengths, for instance, is the ability to plot a variety of possible futures. Our lives are dominated by uncertainty. Sure, there are likely paths that lie before each one of us, but there's plenty we don't know. Plus, a few times each decade, we reach major forks in the road to our future. Do I take this job or that job? Do I move to Savannah, Georgia or do I remain in Portland, Oregon? Should I draw Social Security at age 62 or wait until I can get maximum benefits at age 70? Normally, it's tough to predict how your decisions will affect your financial future. With OnTrajectory, however, it's simple to explore these alternate dimensions. You can toggle any parameter at any time. Here, for instance, is a list of my potential income sources. I've included working at the family box factory, two possible income levels from this website, eventual Social Security payments, and a potential inheritance from my mother.

In Personal Capital, it's nice that you can add or remove various events to see how doing so affects your future. But if you remove an event, it's gone. You can't save it. With OnTrajectory, you just toggle a button to see the difference. If you want to add, say, an inheritance back into the equation, you just click the button once more. What this means from a practical perspective is that you can enter several possible scenarios/events that you deem likely, then explore different possible futures. This is a very handy feature.

OnTrajectory also allows you to play with the assumptions under the hood. Three key variables are always instantly accessible: your retirement age, your Trajectory End Age (a.k.a. your projected date of death), and a projected inflation rate. (The default inflation rate in OnTrajectory is 3.00%. That's just slightly optimistic for me. I chose to change it to 3.18%, which is the U.S. long-term average. If I were extremely pessimistic, I might change it to something like 4.08%, which I think is the 50-year moving average but don't quote me.) You can also play with tax rates, investment contributions, investment returns, and more. As you might have noticed, you can enter start ages and end ages for most line items. If you want to explore different possible paths, you can enter additional age range possibilities without deleting your original item. Then you just toggle between the two lines to see the effects of, say, working longer.

OnTrajectory allows you to set specific goals, such as I want my Trajectory to reach $1,500,000. These goals then get plotted on your Trajectory graph. For instance, if I want to know when my net worth Trajectory will hit $1,500,000, the app will plot it on the ever-present graph. In this particular case, it says I should hit that goal on 11 November 2029.

So, as you can see, OnTrajectory is very similar to a lot of other retirement calculators out there except that it takes things to the next level. Anything the Personal Capital retirement tool can do, OnTrajectory can do better. But wait! That's not all! OnTrajectory also allows users to create and print a variety of PDF reports. It includes a handy inflation calculator. And there's a nascent OnTrajectory community on Reddit where you can ask questions and share ideas. Having said all of that, OnTrajectory isn't perfect. Problems with OnTrajectory As much as I love OnTrajectory, there's one key piece of the tool that I hate: the terminology. For me, it's confusing. In this tool's parlance, your Trajectory is your projected future financial path. And your Trajectory for any given date is your net worth on that date. That makes total sense, right?

But individual accounts can have trajectories too. If my 401(k) has a Trajectory of $246,136 today, that's its balance today. So, maybe Trajectory actually means balance? I don't know. I'm confused.

Things get more confusing after you've been using the tool for a while. Your Trajectory is based on your initial parameters, not your current situation. The tool does plot a trajectory projection based on your current situation, but your Trajectory (with a capital T) is based on your starting assumptions. (There's a logic behind this. OnTrajectory uses the Monte Carlo method to look into the future. It assumes that your current situation is one point on many possible projected paths, and that your circumstances will very likely be subject to reversion to the mean. By basing your Trajectory on your starting circumstances rather than your current circumstances which generally improve with time it's providing a more conservative/cautious approach to retirement planning.) I understand that OnTrajectory uses the term trajectory to stay on-brand, but for somebody like me it creates more confusion than clarity. I'd prefer that existing standard definitions were used. If your Trajectory is your net worth, then call it your net worth. If Trajectory simply means balance, then use the word balance. OnTrajectory is a fine name for the tool, but I don't see the need to cloud the issue by getting cute with naming conventions. That's my main beef with OnTrajectory, but it has other minor quirks too. There's a Default Investments account that cannot be deleted. (It's meant to be a catch-all for stray cash, I think. This is sort of like the petty cash account I use in Quicken.)

While attempting to enter my Basic Expenses line item, OnTrajectory refused to let me set its End Age to 79 (my projected end of life); it only let me set it to 78. (I was able to set everything else to 79 but not my Basic Expenses. Weird.) As a result, OnTrajectory believes I have $0 expenses during the last year of my life haha.At one point, the OnTrajectory graph simply disappeared. I changed my projected date of death (or Trajectory End Age in the program's terms) and the graph vanished. I couldn't get it to come back. After trying a bunch of different things, I clicked the Undo button. I'm not sure what action I undid, but pressing the button brought back the graph. To me, these minor quirks don't affect my overall impression of OnTrajectory. They're bugs (or features I don't like). They're likely to go away in the future. The terminology thing drives me nuts, but I suspect I might be the only person who is bothered by it. And it's not enough to dampen my enthusiasm for this tool. The Bottom Line So far, OnTrajectory is the best traditional retirement calculator I've found. (As I said, I like NewRetirement better, but it takes a different approach.) It's a comprehensive, complex tool but the interface is never overwhelming. If the interface does become overwhelming or confusing, OnTrajectory features extensive (and useful) documentation. In nearly every section of the screen, you can click on a little info button to bring up the on-line manual. This guide provides answers and tips on all of the functions and features. Impressive.

For me, the killer feature is that OnTrajectory not only allows you to save your data, but also to create and save multiple scenarios. You don't have to re-enter your data each time you want to check on your progress. And if you want to play with possibilities what if I were to quit my job and take a more meaningful non-profit position? it's super simple to do sowithout trashing your existing info! We're all about the what-ifs, Koska told me during our call last week. OnTrajectory is specifically designed to let users explore possible futures. We let people play with a lot of variables, but our goal is for the interface to never become overwhelming. The bottom line? OnTrajectory is like the Personal Capital retirement calculator on steroids. It has everything I like about the PC tool, but is much more customizable. In fact, I like it so much that I signed up for a paid account!

Author: J.D. Roth In 2006, J.D. founded Get Rich Slowly to document his quest to get out of debt. Over time, he learned how to save and how to invest. Today, he's managed to reach early retirement! He wants to help you master your money and your life. No scams. No gimmicks. Just smart money advice to help you reach your goals. https://www.getrichslowly.org/ontrajectory-retirement-calculator/

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newstfionline · 8 years ago

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To Stay Married, Embrace Change

By Ada Calhoun, NY Times, April 21, 2017

A couple of years ago, it seemed as if everyone I knew was on the verge of divorce.

“He’s not the man I married,” one friend told me.

“She didn’t change, and I did,” said another.

And then there was the no-fault version: “We grew apart.”

Emotional and physical abuse are clear-cut grounds for divorce, but they aren’t the most common causes of failing marriages, at least the ones I hear about. What’s the more typical villain? Change.

Feeling oppressed by change or lack of change; it’s a tale as old as time. Yet at some point in any long-term relationship, each partner is likely to evolve from the person we fell in love with into someone new--and not always into someone cuter or smarter or more fun. Each goes from rock climber to couch potato, from rebel to middle manager, and from sex crazed to sleep obsessed.

Sometimes people feel betrayed by this change. They fell in love with one person, and when that person doesn’t seem familiar anymore, they decide he or she violated the marriage contract. I have begun to wonder if perhaps the problem isn’t change itself but our susceptibility to what has been called the “end of history” illusion.

“Human beings are works in progress that mistakenly think they’re finished,” the Harvard professor Daniel Gilbert said in a 2014 TED talk called “The Psychology of Your Future Self.” He described research that he and his colleagues had done in 2013: Study subjects (ranging from 18 to 68 years old) reported changing much more over a decade than they expected to.

In 2015, I published a book about where I grew up, St. Marks Place in the East Village of Manhattan. In doing research, I listened to one person after another claim that the street was a shadow of its former self, that all the good businesses had closed and all the good people had left. This sentiment held true even though people disagreed about which were the good businesses and who were the good people.

Nostalgia, which fuels our resentment toward change, is a natural human impulse. And yet being forever content with a spouse, or a street, requires finding ways to be happy with different versions of that person or neighborhood.

Because I like to fix broken things quickly and shoddily (my husband, Neal, calls my renovation aesthetic “Little Rascals Clubhouse”), I frequently receive the advice: “Don’t just do something, stand there.”

Such underreacting may also be the best stance when confronted by too much or too little change. Whether or not we want people to stay the same, time will bring change in abundance.

A year and a half ago, Neal and I bought a place in the country. We hadn’t been in the market for a house, but our city apartment is only 500 square feet, and we kept admiring this lovely blue house we drove by every time we visited my parents. It turned out to be shockingly affordable.

So now we own a house. We bought furniture, framed pictures and put up a badminton net. We marveled at the change that had come over us. Who were these backyard-grilling, property-tax-paying, shuttlecock-batting people we had become?

When we met in our 20s, Neal wasn’t a man who would delight in lawn care, and I wasn’t a woman who would find such a man appealing. And yet here we were, avidly refilling our bird feeder and remarking on all the cardinals.

Neal, who hadn’t hammered a nail in all the years I’d known him, now had opinions on bookshelves and curtains, and loved going to the hardware store. He whistled while he mowed. He was like an alien. But in this new situation, I was an alien, too--one who knew when to plant bulbs and how to use a Crock-Pot, and who, newly armed with CPR and first aid certification, volunteered at a local camp. Our alien selves were remarkably compatible.

Several long-married people I know have said this exact line: “I’ve had at least three marriages. They’ve just all been with the same person.” I’d say Neal and I have had at least three marriages: Our partying 20s, child-centric 30s and home-owning 40s.

Then there’s my abbreviated first marriage. Nick and I met in college and dated for a few months before dropping out and driving cross-country. Over the next few years, we worked a series of low-wage jobs. On the rare occasions when we discussed our future, he said he wasn’t ready to settle down because one day, he claimed, he would probably need to “sow” his “wild oats”--a saying I found tacky and a concept I found ridiculous.

When I told Neal about this years later, he said, “Maybe you found it ridiculous because you’d already done it.”

It’s true that from ages 16 to 19 I had a lot of boyfriends. But with Nick, I became happily domestic. We adopted cats. I had changed in such a way that I had no problem being with just one person. I was done changing and thought he should be, too. Certainly, I thought he should not change into a man who sows oats.

When we got married at the courthouse so he could get his green card (he was Canadian), I didn’t feel different the next day. We still fell asleep to “Politically Incorrect” with our cats at our feet as we always had.

We told anyone who asked that the marriage was no big deal, just a formality so the government wouldn’t break us up. But when pressed, it was hard to say what differentiated us from the truly married beyond the absence of a party.

When I grew depressed a few months later, I decided that he and our pseudo-marriage were part of the problem. After three years of feeling like the more committed person, I was done and asked him to move out. When he left, I felt sad but also thrilled by the prospect of dating again. A couple of years later, I met Neal.

Recently, I asked Nick if we could talk. We hadn’t spoken in a decade. He lives in London now, so we Skyped. I saw that he looked almost exactly as he had at 22, though he’d grown a long beard. We had a pleasant conversation. Finally, I asked him if he thought our marriage counted.

“Yeah,” he said. “I think it counts.”

We were married, just not very well. The marriage didn’t mean much to us, and so when things got rough, we broke up. I had been too immature to know what I was getting into. I thought passion was the most important thing. When my romantic feelings left, I followed them out the door. It was just like any breakup, but with extra paperwork.

Nick now works at a European arts venue. He’s unmarried. I wouldn’t have predicted his life or his facial hair. I don’t regret our split, but if we had stayed married, I think I would have liked this version of him.

My hair is long and blond now. When Neal and I met, it was dyed black and cut to my chin. When I took to bleaching it myself, it was often orange, because I didn’t know what I was doing.

Now I weigh about 160 pounds. When I left the hospital after being treated for a burst appendix, I weighed 140. When I was nine months pregnant and starving every second, I weighed 210. I have been everything from size 4 to 14. I have been the life of the party and a drag. I have been broke and loaded, clinically depressed and radiantly happy. Spread out over the years, I’m a harem.

How can we accept that when it comes to our bodies (and everything else, for that matter), the only inevitability is change? And what is the key to caring less about change as a marriage evolves--things like how much sex we’re having and whether or not it’s the best sex possible?

One day in the country, Neal and I heard a chipmunk in distress. It had gotten inside the house and was hiding under the couch. Every few minutes, the creature let out a high-pitched squeak. I tried to sweep it out the door to safety with a broom, but it kept running back at my feet.

“Wow, you’re dumb,” I said to it.

“I got this,” Neal said, mysteriously carrying a plastic cereal bowl. “Shoo it out from under there.”

I did, and the chipmunk raced through the living room. Neal, like an ancient discus thrower, tossed the bowl in a beautiful arc, landing it perfectly atop the scampering creature. He then slid a piece of cardboard under the bowl and carried the chipmunk out into the bushes, where he set it free.

“That was really impressive,” I said.

“I know,” he said.

To feel awed by a man I thought I knew completely: It’s a shock when that happens after so many years. And a boon. That one fling of a bowl probably bought us another five years of marriage.

#marriage #marriage and change #change and marriage

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dramionee · 8 years ago

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Fanfiction Recommendations

Rated T

The Accidental Malfoy: T. Hermione is fed up of seeing her friends leave her behind. She's thirty, alone and broody. Not one to wait around, she decides to take matters into her own hands and have the child she's always wanted. The resulting pregnancy is far from what she expected.

Destiny: T. Hermione’s wedding night is everything but perfect for the young witch. Her new husband and long-time friend, Ronald, is passed out drunk and she thinks upon her life leading up to that night. Hermione falls asleep, despondent and alone. When she wakes up the following morning, she is still in bed with her husband. But it isn’t Ronald Weasley.

Seven Years and a Day: T. Seven years later, the world is nothing like they had hoped or imagined. They have accepted it, or at least, that is what everybody believes. But nobody can deny the truth forever.

Rated M/MA/NC-17

Clean: M. Malfoy's handsome face was contoured into a condescending smirk. "No faith in that giant brain of yours, Granger?" She looked up at him defiantly. "Maybe I don't have faith in you!" she said, raising her voice. Malfoy only looked at her. "You'll find I'm very surprising." Dramione AU, Year 6 with a slow burn and a killer twist.

The Deadline: M. It takes the unexpected engagement of their children to get Draco and Hermione in a room together, but only the selfish acts of their estranged spouses and a 300 Galleon bottle of firewhiskey will get them in a bedroom. What starts out as a one time mistake soon becomes a full-blown affair with a deadline; the day their children say ‘I do’. But things rarely go according to plan.

Donum Scientiae, a Gift for Learning: MA. Draco is a Roman senator in need of a tutor for his young son, Scorpius. Hermione is a Greek slave, more qualified than any other mage in the empire to educate the boy.

Dopplegangland: M. All Hermione wanted out of her evening was to close up the pub in peace and quiet. That plan sort of went out the window when she was kidnapped by Draco Malfoy, who proceeded to drop a baby on her lap.

Familiar Faces, Worn Out Faces: M. "You are at St. Mungo's. You were in a coma." He looks me over again, taking a pause. "I am a Healer here now," he says, like it explains something. My fingers stretch, drifting across his sleeve. He looks down, like I've thrown mud at him. Forcing my vocal chords together for the first time, I whisper, "What's your name?"

Femme Fatale: M. Draco Malfoy’s new position as an Auror for the British Ministry throws him head first into a hunt for a serial killer. Working with Harry Potter and Ron Weasley, he sets out to catch the killer as well as entering into a romantic relationship with their other colleague, Hermione Granger. Murder mystery with a side helping of Dramione romance.

Full Body Control: M. When Hermione becomes pregnant after a one-night stand, she tries everything to get rid of it. Only after St. Mungo's staff confronts her with the conservative realities of a post-war wizarding world and the father of the child, does she realise how big the mess is she is stuck in.

Gingersnaps: M. Returning for their 8th year at Hogwarts, Draco and Hermione find themselves in each others lives once again. Will things be different now that the War is behind them? Late night study sessions and cookies bring this unlikely pair closer than they ever thought imaginable.

Hermione Granger and the 40-year-old Virgin: NC-17. At age fourteen, Draco Malfoy insults a legendary sex witch – a mistake that both he and his penis still regret at age forty.

The Initiate: MA. "Want to impress upon people that you’ve changed, Malfoy? Take responsibility for your actions and your choices. Not liking where you ended up, not wanting what came after doesn’t change the fact that you wanted it at the time. You were a willing participant. Changing your mind can’t erase any of that." (Mentions of rape)

Isolation: M. He can’t leave the room. Her room. And it’s all the Order’s fault. Confined to a small space with only the Mudblood for company, something’s going to give. Maybe his sanity. Maybe not.

A Marriage Most Convenient: M. Hermione lost it all when she divorced. Draco would lose it all by age 30 if he didn't marry. Marriage to each other would be perfect, one would even say it was most convenient. Her daughter even looked like him, although, he wondered why that was.

Mine: M. Hermione Granger is a single mother. The last thing she needed was to get involved with anyone, especially Draco Malfoy. Love however, has other plans.

Mudbloods For Sale: M. What if the Golden Trio took too long to hunt down the horcruxes? What if Voldemort got a strong hold in the Wizard World and his ideals began to spread? What if owning mudbloods became the new trend? (Warning: implied rape and violence)

A Muggle-born Magic: MA. Physician’s daughter Hermione Granger finds herself in need of a way to pay off her father’s debts after his death. Draco Malfoy, retired from the politics of the Isolationists, a group of pure-bloods bent on separating 'true’ magic from lesser folk, finds himself in need of a tutor for his son, Scorpius, who appears to be incapable of magic and must learn to survive in a world without it. Draco also needs a wife and mother for Scorpius, to satisfy a promise to his unwell father. After she saves his son from an attack by Isolationists, Draco hires the Muggle-born Miss Granger for the former, and after a riot in Vauxhall Gardens and a scandalous discovery made by his mother, weds that selfsame Muggle-born for the latter. While making the best of her marriage of (in)convenience, Hermione discovers that Scorpius’ history of wild imaginings and dreams is more than just imagination. As she attempts to teach him about magical abilities no one expected he would ever have, she and Draco work together to raise Scorpius and learn to trust each other.

Ninety-Five Percent: M. A new Wizarding Marriage Law has come into effect and Hermione takes her chance with the Ministry and lets them decide who would be the best match for her. Who would ever believe that Draco Malfoy would be her best match with a 95% Compatibility?

Relationship Status: Pending: M. Hermione Granger is edging thirty, accident prone and haplessly single. One night, she decides it would be humourous (and hilariously masochistic) to timeline her failed relationships in a memoir. From losing her v-card in a broom closet, to hooking up in a public loo, to ruining her best friend’s wedding - she’s done it all.

The Request: M. Astoria was never a fan of Hermione Granger, but pretty soon, she would be gone, and Draco was going to need all the help he could get.

Ride or Die: M. The Death Eaters are an outlaw motorcycle club run by Tom Riddle, a notoriously ruthless leader who gradually works the brotherhood into high stakes criminal activity after the death of their previous president. Draco Malfoy is heir to the throne, but his life abruptly changes when fate lands him in the hands of a young doctor who is about to get in way over her head. Dramione, Muggle AU.

Seven for a Secret: MA. Draco celebrated Beltane with a woman whose face he never saw. Eight years later, he meets a little boy whose face is a match for his.

Squirm: M. Draco Malfoy falls into a strange obsession with Hermione Granger. But it's a risk -he holds a dark, sinister secret, and if he becomes too close, she just might find out what it is.

Switch: MA. It was only supposed to be one night - a set-up with a hot guy at a fetish club in Muggle London for some mind-blowing, no-strings-attached sex where Hermione would play the submissive role. However, when her amazingly skilled and sensual partner, Draco Malfoy, kept sending her tickets and roses to return to the club to meet again and again, how could a single, sexually-experimental girl say 'no’? Hermione’s about to learn the hard way that the sins of the flesh can prove to be too tempting for the body - and the heart - to resist.

Teardrops & Teacups: MA. Forced to end her relationship with Draco because of a betrothal contract, Hermione launches herself into her work. She spends the next four years traveling the world researching, interviewing, and working towards eradicating all the remaining Pureblood laws that still seem to dictate the Wizarding World even after all this time. In the process, Hermione battles inner demons and learns more about herself than she ever could have imagined.

Through The Window, We Go: M. (for language) When Draco Malfoy, a suburban thug with nothing better to do than cause trouble and run from the police, climbs through his next door neighbor’s window in hopes of hiding away he finds himself dodging thrown books and accusations from a very disgruntled Hermione Granger. And, despite heated arguments over right and wrong, Draco is tempted to steal Hermione’s heart away.

Trusting Malfoy: M. Hermione’s memories are gone. Fearing everyone, including Harry and Ron, Hermione finds herself drawn to Draco Malfoy, trusting him to keep her safe and help her recover her memories. Draco teams up with Harry and Ron in finding the culprit behind everything. Times have definitely changed!

A Wonderful Caricature of Intimacy: M. Draco loves his son more than anything in the world. So, when his ex-wife plans to take his son away, Draco asks the most unlikely person for help. Hermione must decide whether changing her entire life is worth helping the man she hates unconditionally.

#dramione #the rec list no one asked for #dramione fic recs #I usually only read rated M #I've read all of these and approve of all of them #I'll add on whenever I find something worthy #updated

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