#maybe self reflect on what’s making you so reactive like work on emotional intelligence

[warm-autumn-evenings]

fr we as individuals need to learn how to say this thing is not for me, I will move on to things that I find enjoyable. it frustrates me so much when people are mean over INDIVIDUAL INTERPRETATIONS OF FICTION??????????????? the entitlement? in fanfiction??? how do you even cognitively justify being an asshat to an author like that??

just saw a tiktok of a guy saying "Me when I see a fanfic that mischaracterizes my favs so bad that I actually have to comment and tell the author to never write again" with the sound "i love the way it feels to be a hater", and I opened the comments expecting people to be like "haha yeah, but don't do this" or like "okay but never comment hate on fics because people are writing for free and out of love so...", etc. but the comments were full of people admitting to absolutely heinous behaviour.

someone said: "that time i hated a fic so much I bookmarked it and filled the notes with an angry paragraph about how much I hate it", like, what? in what world is it normal and acceptable to do that? and that's just one of the many examples.

I mean, there was a lot of joking and exaggeration but also people have done this, people do this. idk it's so bizarre to me that you would actively read something you don't like (after reading the tags and author's notes), to then write paragraphs upon paragraphs of hate, that is directly sent as an email to the author

honestly, if I got something like that in my comments or bookmark notes, it would really affect me. someone going "never write again" or just loathing what I wrote, I'd feel really bad.

just idk, have some empathy. you can exit a fic, you can block the author, you can hate silently, or even pour every ounce of hate out into your friend's dms or a journal or something. just why would you actively hate on someone who is providing entertainment for free and for fun?

strange behaviour

[alabasterandpitch]

Part 1

I was reading this passage the other day and I was kind of shocked how hard it hit me.

Part of the reason I made/reactivated this blog was to help me reflect and get in touch with the more emotional and/or sexual sides of myself that I had been neglecting, if not outright unhealthily repressing, for years now.

These past couple months I've really been trying to focus hard on turning inward and asking the hard questions to work on my own issues. In a way, I guess that's what I'd always told myself I'd been doing in grad school for years now. Focus on yourself, get ahead, advance your career, etc. But I think somewhere along the line I kind of bought into my own bullshit and believed that I actually was working on myself, when really I was just throwing myself into my work/career/vocation to avoid dealing with the parts of myself that I truly couldn't deal with facing.

Coming to that realization myself was a big part of what's set me down the rabbit hole of self-examination and inspired me to start taking a more active role in my own mental health, and working on expressing myself more emotionally and sexually.

Something I've talked about a fair bit in therapy is intelligence, and how much I lean on that part of myself to prop up my other insecurities. To be blunt, I have a hard time seeing myself in a positive light most of the time. Most aspects of myself don't generally struck me as particularly remarkable or desirable, but there are a few exceptions.

Apart from my luscious locks, one of the few things about myself that I actually appreciate is my intelligence. I tend to think of myself as a smart person. No fuck that, I'm a very smart man. Maybe I'm naturally gifted, maybe I'm not, irrelevant. I'm smart because I value intelligence and learning and I've continuously worked my ass off my whole life to improve those qualities in myself. I'm owning it now.

And even though it's taken me so long to be able to confidently say that outright, I've always leaned on my intelligence and analytical mind to make up for my deficiencies in other areas, like social interaction, or emotional expression, even when I wasn't fully conscious of doing so.

At some point I think I kind of clued in to the weird process of intellectualizing that I was doing, and eventually sort of leaned into it for the sake of my own self-esteem. Like, 'yeah you might be an awkward fuck and have no intuitive sense of social cues or norms or how to emotionally connect with another human, but you're hella smart so use that analytical mind and razor intellect figure it out dumbshit'

Even though I eventually clued in to how much I was leaning on my own intelligence, focusing on that as a point of positive self-esteem, I don't think I ever fully appreciated how much I suppressed other parts of myself, parts of my social and emotional and sexual sides, or the consequences that it's had on my own mental health and development as a person.

I'm clearly having a lot of thoughts about this that I'm still in the middle of processing, so maybe I'll continue this another time in a follow-up post

[conscious-love]

Do you have advice for growing past and forgiving yourself for reactive abuse? I don't know how to feel about myself after everything that's happened. I know I'll never allow myself to get into a situation like that again, I know it's not a reflection of who I am as a person, but I also feel so ashamed and like I don't deserve any more chances and I'm a bad person forever now. It's my biggest regret and I am struggling to move forward

First of all, I’m incredibly proud of you for realizing the error of your ways. It’s often very difficult for people with a streak of abusive behaviour to realize they were wrong.

If you haven’t already, I suggest reading my response to this ask about self-forgiveness and guilt. I get into the utility of guilt and the point when guilt loses its utility.

I’m going to use the word “sins” several times, so just know that the word predates its use within religion. It’s a very useful word; “to sin” actually means “to miss the mark.”

Forgiving Yourself for Hurting People

Step 1: Reflect

Reflect on your life (mainly your childhood) to figure out why you became abusive. You called it “reactive abuse,” which makes me think that you’re quick to anger and have difficulty controlling yourself. Volatility like that often stems from childhood trauma or lack of healthy models — perhaps that’s somewhere to start. Btw, dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT) works wonders for people with difficulty regulating their emotions and controlling their reactions.

What exactly did you do? Maybe you can write out a list of all the ways you harmed others. How did your actions affect them? This isn’t a means to shame yourself. It’s a way to give yourself a much-needed, healthy dose of humility. When you look at that paper/screen, you’ll be staring your sins straight in the face. That’s a humbling experience, as it brings with it the type of emotions that pierce the depths of your conscience. Such emotions are deeply transformative.

Step 2: Learn your lesson

You’ve likely learned most or all of the lessons to be gained from this. Just in case, though, reflect on it again.

What did you learn about yourself, relationships, emotions, respect, morality, empathy, emotional intelligence, etc.?

Do you truly understand the harm you’ve caused others? Why would it have been better to not harm them?

What are the downsides to being a bully/abuser?

Step 3: Make amends

Making amends does not only mean apologizing.

You make amends with yourself by forgiving yourself (that means: accept, reflect, learn, make amends, vow to never repeat, move on).

You make amends with the world by promising to never repeat your transgressions.

If you want to apologize to the people you hurt, be cautious. Ask yourself, “will I cause this person too much distress by reaching out and apologizing?” If your apology would just hurt them and/or re-traumatize them, don’t do it. If you do, that’s being selfish, not altruistic. Your apology would be just another transgression.

Step 4: Don’t do it again

The biggest part of making amends is promising yourself to not repeat the transgression(s), and following through with that promise.

The goal is not: making up for the harm you caused by racking up good deeds as payments for your “guilt debt.” You don’t have guilt debt. When you learned and moved on, the slate was wiped clean. The goal, going forward, is to do no harm intentionally, and to be kind at every opportunity (within reason).

Self Image and Worthiness

When you’ve undergone the stages of reflection, learning your lessons, making amends, vowing to not repeat, and moving on — you’ve redeemed yourself. Again, your slate has been wiped clean. You’re back on par with all the other good-doers, and you deserve to lead a good and meaningful life, just as they do.

Harbouring guilt past its utility is not noble and will not make you a better person. In fact, it will probably make you a worse person. Don’t hold onto guilt after it’s served its purpose. You’re not a slave to that guilt anymore, it doesn’t belong to you — so find a new, better identity. This redeemed you is the new you, and it’s the real you, right now. Start living in the present and direct your aim toward the future — a good future that you ARE deserving of.

“Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future.” - Oscar Wilde

Final note: the literature on trauma has shown that the harm we inflict on others is more traumatizing than the harm inflicted upon us. You would benefit greatly from talking to a therapist or going to a clinic for recovering abusers (yes, those exist). If those aren’t available to you, there are several books and countless articles online about the topic. I urge you to look into those.

Again, I’m really proud of you for having the courage to look at yourself, the mental fortitude to understand the error of your ways, and your decision to seek resources for recovery. Those are all strengths to be proud of, and they’re going to get you far in life.

I hope this helped!

~ Bella ✨

[webusinesstrainingworksblr-blog]

Emotional Intelligence Training

All About Emotional Intelligence Training

Over the previous sixteen years, I've stored my eye on any studies that relate to Emotional Intelligence coaching outcomes. Usually, the outcomes are very constructive. Individuals have experienced improved skills in managing emotional reactiveness, elevated private productivity, improved teamwork, reduced stress and more. As I examined the research design, I discovered several components that led to these disappointing results.

The following background gives some insight into the research design. During the six-month interval of this system the variety of volunteer participants dwindled to only lower than half of the original quantity. In a work/life balance survey, roughly ninety% of the volunteer nurse managers reported the bodily problems they felt emotional intelligence workshop had been due, in some half, to overwork. An Emotional Intelligence assessment was used to measure the nurse managers' pre and submit-research Emotional Intelligence. This particular EI assessment presents pictures of individuals's faces to the participants and asks them to pick the feelings expressed from a list of selections.

This system's actions included informational meetings on a month-to-month basis and peer teaching classes weekly. For the peer teaching periods, the individuals have been requested to observe pointers that inspired "pondering out loud," listening (paying shut attention) and reflecting on what the teaching companion was expressing. At the beginning of this system, members identified a couple of emotional abilities they wished to enhance on account of participating in the study.

Results had been inconclusive at the end of the six month interval. Whereas the nurse supervisor contributors felt they had been better managers with improved Emotional Intelligence expertise, the EI evaluation scores were decrease and a better proportion (ninety five%) of the group reported physical issues, together with hypertension, incapability to concentrate, psychological restlessness and complications.

Given the numerous studies indicating very positive outcomes for packages aimed at growing Emotional Intelligence expertise, these disparate outcomes point out the necessity for additional Here is our Blog examination of the make-up of this system. The following supplies insight into the cause of the program's destructive outcomes and options for improving the end result.

As we study the examine's design, there appears to be a few implied assumptions. The first is that an individual's potential to identify the emotions depicted in an image will enhance if you happen to pair people up in a weekly teaching discussion and the pair talk about whatever involves mind. (Let's not even contact upon the assumption of the test itself you can measure EI expertise by having folks accurately determine expressions in pictures.) The second implied assumption is that the group informational periods and weekly peer coaching sessions will reduce physical symptoms.

The place to begin is to take a look at the EI competencies. While there are a selection of models, I concentrate on a model that features five EI competencies, a few of which are intra-personal (inside the particular person) and others that are inter-private (between people). To build EI skill, Social Network Here one must first develop power within the intra-private competencies corresponding to Emotional Self-Awareness, Self-Administration and Self-Motivation. With a strong foundation in these competencies, one can then develop the inter-private competencies of Empathy and Nurturing Relationships.

In different words, with stable abilities in the intra-private competencies comparable to managing one's own feelings, one can extra easily manage inter-personal situations. Because it pertains to the study, the main target appears to have been on the inter-personal ability of Empathy, a part of which is recognizing feelings in others, listening for the that means in phrases and conversations and not judging.

From a training perspective, following sound design practices would increase the probability of positive results. The first step is to determine what the coaching will help individuals have the ability to do higher. These turns into the learning aims. For instance, it's Wikipedia Here your decision participants to be able to have a look at an image and determine the emotions an individual is expressing, or name the emotions he/she is experiencing in any given moment, or have the ability to change unfavourable emotions into positive feelings.

As soon as learning goals are established, you possibly can develop coaching where participants learn info, techniques or processes that help them accomplish the training objectives. Members ought to then have the opportunity to use what was learned through guided follow which includes feedback. Then acceptable analysis needs to be used to find out training effectiveness.

Now when we have a look at the Nurse Manager examine, we don't see any proof that the individuals realized any methods or processes to help them "acknowledge other individuals's emotions from facial expressions in footage" in the course of the informational classes. If indeed they did not obtain this type of training, then the decline within the EI assessment scores shouldn't be a shock. Maybe a extra necessary point is that the EI evaluation itself just isn't very close to real life: the context for the facial features provides additional information enabling people to raised gauge the emotion.

As well as there was no indication that the peer coaching sessions provided any training to help the nurse managers establish emotions in others. Scores might need improved if this sort of https://businesstrainingworks.com/onsite-courses/emotional-intelligence-training-course/ coaching had been included throughout these periods. Nevertheless, the study did not indicate that this kind of coaching was offered for either the teaching or informational classes.

Peer coaching classes might be helpful if a guided process is used. Participants needs to be encouraged to identify and share use of the EI methods they learned, what made their use profitable/unsuccessful, solutions for enchancment, and so forth. The examine itself supported this idea in that the nurse managers indicated that a more structured peer teaching course of would have been useful.

I can't highlight enough that constructing stable inter-private EI competencies requires that an individual first develops sound intra-private competencies. To recognize different's feelings, one must first be capable to acknowledge and manage his or her own feelings. The examine does not indicate that such an method was followed. When this kind of method has been followed, members have skilled very constructive results each personally and professionally, together with improvements of bodily issues related to overwork comparable to reduction in stress, reduced sleeplessness, fewer complications, reduced hypertension, and more.

As of late, business houses have began to value emotional intelligence and so they are opting for professional emotional intelligence training for their workforce. So, a lot of firms and organizations have began to offer emotional intelligence training to working professionals. Nonetheless, assessing ability ranges isn't all such training is supposed for.

To make sure improvement within the staff and for particular person improvement there are numerous issues to be taken into consideration earlier than permitting a corporation to supply their training services. The effectiveness of the coaching must be measured to ensure that it is going to educate properly and evaluate the outcomes correctly in order to carry nice returns on investments on a complete, in the long run.

A typical intelligence coaching will employ not one but a wide range of methods to find out a person's abilities and learn the way his/her expertise will be put to good use within the company's business. The outcomes are decided based on the classroom performance of the participants and how they reply to the coaching. The main focus of emotional Emotional Intelligence Training intelligence coaching should stay on using job techniques and its influence on the business. Any EI ability constructing training ought to begin by setting correct goals for the intervention. The targets can embody each particular person and organizational pursuits. The targets set the benchmark towards which the outcomes are evaluated.

The next step goes in emotional intelligence assessment surveys. These will be accompanied by other assessment surveys like organizational surveys or change effectiveness surveys. Moreover, there must be different inside measures like healthcare claims, customer satisfaction scores, employee to employee/employer relationship, absenteeism and so forth. These are some measures that are discovered very worthwhile in figuring out the success of emotional intelligence coaching program based mostly on the chosen goals of the group. A typical coaching program normally lasts for a few weeks, after which interviews must be performed to check the influence of this system on the participants.

[bloomfromthesidewalk]

I didn’t know what on earth I was in for; as soon as I started to feel more and more, I realized that I had just strapped myself in for one heck of a ride. A familiar paranoia started to slowly make its way in. “Someone is watching me; THEY are watching me”. I had no idea who “they” were, but I couldn’t decide how to interpret this information. Whenever I think of others observing me, I always feel judgement and scrutiny. This scares me. I have always dealt with not feeling like I am enough, and I didn’t want whoever “they” were to see that I was as worthless as I felt. Even worse, I thought to myself, “What it I acknowledge that I know they are watching me? And what if by acknowledging this, it makes them aware of the fact that I know. What if I’m not supposed to know?”. I so badly wanted to talk to the man next to me—but I feel afraid to talk to him. Would he understand? Would we connect or would he shove me aside? Would telling him that I feel this way only bring him down with me? I truly felt that my life was in danger. I had to ask myself where this feeling was coming from—pure, survival, fight-for-your-life feelings. I realized that early on in my life, being a victim of many types of abuse from various people in my life who were positions as parental authorities, family, close friends. When I had a deep connection with someone, or so I thought, it got me hurt emotionally and physically. I realized that I learned to section off a large part of myself in order to survive at a young age. While this may seem dramaticised or to be more than it is, I can only assure the person reading this, that I have literally almost died at the hands of someone who said they loved me—multiple times. I have had someone be so careless with my life during a medical procedure, that they neglect almost lead to my death. I have been beaten down, psychologically abused to even think that my needs and wounds were somehow of my own doing; if only to protect the person at fault from accepting their own accountability. This fear that I have is real, for a valid reason, and is deep rooted. It only makes sense that I feel these ways and have these paranoias. “Stay small, act like everything is okay, don’t be too noticeable; if someone notices you, do what you can to make them feel okay so that they go away.” I realize that this fear is something that sits in the pit of my stomach on a daily basis. If your soul cannot rest because your body is trying to protect you, you have to go somewhere that you know is safe and be around people who you know are safe. The problem for me is, I have trusted my own judgement before and it has lead me to bear the scars I have today. The root of the problem is that I don’t know how to trust myself. My distrust of myself came at the hands of family who constantly shamed me for being emotionally intelligent, for wanting to maintain healthy boundaries, for having basic needs. I used to think that maybe I asked for too much, maybe I was too emotional or too reactive, maybe I was wrong in the things that I believed. I realized now that I am not. I know better. I know myself. I know what is right and healthy. And if I don’t know, I reflect and I learn. Many people do not do these things, even by the time they arrive at the end of their life. And that’s when the finality of life truly hit me. As I struggled to maintain my natural breathing despite my heart rate increasing, I told myself I could not express how I felt inside. It was not safe. What happens when I tell this man next to me the truths that I have been slowly discovering? What happened to the truth when people wish so strongly for it to go away? They find a way to snuff it out. I want to live. I’m afraid of people because I don’t trust myself to know if someone would try to hurt me. I don’t trust myself to be able to defend myself if someone does. I know I need to pursue self defense and build up my muscle; I do keep being held back by my previous hip injury. I can barely recognize that maybe my excuse for being held back, may not be as true as I think it is.

For so long I allowed myself to stay small and to leave myself unexpressed. How do you advocate for yourself without upsetting others? How do you express yourself without the intensity that you feel inside? How do you express truths in a way that is easy to communicate and understand? The more I explored deeper into myself, the more intense I felt my fear. I realized that many people feel this fear, and instead of being able to continue to process more information and insights, they stop dead at the overwhelming feelings. They continue to live their life as if where they stopped was the end. Do I have the emotional capability to push through overwhelming emotions to the point where I can understand more? Do I have the capability to teach other people what I am learning in my endeavors of understanding myself?

Shame. I see shame in the form of anger, bitterness, regret, hopelessness. Do we shame ourselves so much that we allow ourselves to be pulled into a depression? I shamed myself daily. I shamed myself for not being like how others appeared. I shamed myself if I wasn’t what someone wanted. I attached my survival to other people so much, with no other choice as a child and a teen, that I allowed myself to be shoved into a corner. I allowed myself to eventually be shoved into a small, dark, bursting-full closet—I didn’t even think that I was worthy of the small amount of space that closet offered. I told myself I was weak, spineless, worthless, incapable, stupid, childish, selfish—all of these things, just because I didn’t fit into someone’s image of what I should be. Again and again I denied myself my own rights, my own love, my own acceptance. I couldn’t accept and love myself because soemone else wasn’t able to love me the way I deserved to be. And when I speak of love, I don’t mean romantic. I think that romantic love is one of the most selfish types of love that there is, if only because it is conditional. True love is acceptance; and I was bone dry of that feeling or understanding. The me I shoved into this closet is angry at the mistreatment and very powerful. As I felt more and more fear, I realized that what I was so afraid of...was facing myself. The me that I shoved into this emotional closet, the me that I starved and rejected and ignored. I spent so much time with others, if only to forget my own longing to fulfill my own needs. Basic needs. Safety, shelter, food and drink, sunlight, exercise, socialization from people who make me feel loved and accepted. Anything to keep up this image of whoever I am today.

26 years of abusing myself.

I am afraid to face myself.

I am afraid something bad would happen. I am afraid of the loss of this person I have become to shield myself. What do I do with this mask? This shell that has been inadequately representing my core and my spirit? How do I face myself knowing how much shame I feel? How do I even begin to forgive myself?

Every single door on my path has been shutting in my face. I felt so frustrated until I realized, this isn’t my path. And these aren’t my doors. If I am not being myself, I am being my mask—which changes to fit whatever I is I think I need to be to survive. I had to ask myself—is this mask really necessary any longer? I know that it is not. I don’t have any excuse for not facing myself any longer. I am not ready; but will I ever be ready? I realize my life will continue to feel empty until I reconnect with myself. I focused and tried to connect, around my true self, and I just can’t. It doesn’t work that way.

So, how do I face myself? How do I become my true self? How do I recognize myself? I don’t think the fear will end, I don’t think that I’ll ever be ready, but by the end of this year I know I need to face it. I am so scared.

[art-of-you]

10 ways to start loving yourself the way you deserve to be loved Part 2

One month ago, I posted my first blog post. 10 ways to start loving yourself the way you deserve to be loved. I called it Part 1 because so much comes to my mind of the things that have set me on my journey to self love and of the millions of perspectives one might be able to talk about them.

After recently losing a dearly loved close family member, I want to dedicate the blog posts to all the beautiful souls on this planet, struggling at the moment in time. The energy that we are experiencing is pretty strong. There is a movement happening, the universe is urging us to become our true selves, to let go of the patterns that don't truly serve us and our well being. To let go of attachment to the things that are unhealthy, be it unconscious or conscious habits. Habits can be as subtle as thinking patterns that rule our emotions and therefore our behaviors. The way we react to things is what matters, as life will always throw things our way. We may not forget that the more we respond to what life throws us with consciousness of our soul, in calmness and stillness, not reacting to things automatically on autopilot, the more we strengthen our relationship to the light, the life energy.

Every time we 'react' to things, when we let our ego respond, instead of our soul, our thoughts will go haywire and lead us to respond 'defensively' or in ways that we might regret after. Also, the more negativity we acquire and carry around us through short circuit fulfillment behaviors such as 'reacting', the more of the same things we 'don't want' will we attract.

Problem is that this negativity can pull quite strongly. Thought patterns that don't serve you, lead to behaviors that don't serve you and easily become addictions (without even noticing - its that clever). Addictions don't have to be around drugs, alcohol or food only, they are everything we do and cannot easily stop doing.

This is why we tend to do things we don't actually 'agree' with but still do it. This is why we always promise ourselves we will do this and that, but never do. Something is keeping us right there.

The relationship that the body has created to this habit is so strong that it becomes your 'comfort zone'. This comfort zone has no cycle of energy, it only goes one direction. Its stagnant and its only - attracting more negative energy (energy that weighs you down).

The great things is, we can change that. Any moment! We need to know that we are the ones 'choosing' to stay in an addiction. For example, a good indicator of knowing if there has been an addiction formed within you in any area is; 'if we feel 'defensive' when we hear or read this for instance', because it is one. Otherwise your ego wouldn't respond to it and just not care. If our ego responds, is because it has a too tight relationship to whatever it is that is being talked about, identifying too much with it or even feeling too much of a need to 'have' this or that.

What we want is to purify our energy. Creating flow, will cleanse the stagnant, negative energy around us just like a river is usually clean water, while a pond is usually dirtier. Its because of constant movement. Washing out the old bringing in the new! This is made by breaking through stuck cycles.

Doing things differently!

To do this we have to act proactively to things, restrict on 'reacting' while its happening, so we can build the muscle and strengthen the relationship with the habits we want to create! The more often we do that the easier it becomes and this is the way out of habits that don't serve us.

Ultimately this is what loving yourself truly means.

What is your area that you feel difficulty in stopping or changing? What thoughts/behaviors can you not let go of? Might they stand in your way of having or being who you want to be?

What are your recurring patterns? What might they give you?

I am aware we all have things to work on, we all have addictions and we all struggle to work on certain things. They vary from person to person, so no judgement whatsoever. My shit is not better than your shit!

But nevertheless admitting to ourselves that work needs to be done is the key to pure freedom. You are your treasure!!

So here follow the other 5 things to help you to truly love yourself:

6. See the lesson in everything and practice letting go - Whatever the situation, there is a truly powerful and loving message being delivered to you. It might seem that the package looks quite harsh, but if we look between the lines, we had something to learn and without this happening we probably wouldn't have seen it. Life will always enrich us with lessons that we can take from 'challenges'. If it is a loss of something or someone or a big unexpected change that really makes you tremble, you can chose to see the good in it. Everything in life comes to us for a purpose. So what could it be that you might have had to learn? One can only get to this by being truly and honestly open to oneself. Admitting to oneself that one has things to learn will open up the ability to see what the message is. This is important to move on from this kind of challenge for it not to become recurring and also for us to grow and not feel affected as much as we once used to when faced with something similar again. By seeing, we will only become stronger. Deflecting, will make us weaker.

7. Tune into your body  - What is your body communicating with you? Each and every single moment our body communicates with us. With itself (as it is like, the most intelligent and freakily amazing self-functioning miracle machine ever) and with 'us', our conscious selves.

Also important to mention that our soul and our body are perfectly entwined with each other. One doesn't go without the other. Have you got a cold, maybe your body is telling you to slow down, do you feel tired all the time, is your heart racing incertain moments? Observe yourself and listen. What can you feel? And when? We can learn so much simply by observing. One of my favourite books is 'Your body is telling you: Love Yourself' by Lise Bourbeau http://lisebourbeau.com/en/books/. It is not a coincidence that one might tend to have throat aches more than others or even that a certain illness appears in your life. Some people have to adapt stronger habits than others to go against what 'runs in the family' but  its the soul telling us through our body that we need to change our habits. Illness is not a punishment it is our body communicating with us to adapt to what our soul truly needs. (I'm not a doctor and I don't tell you what you might or might not suffer from, but its worth having a look at this, at reading your souls language through your own body). We can always improve on things, we can always make changes. We are no victims. We are our own master! Whatever we feed it, food to drinks to medication, to cigarettes, to whatever has an effect on our body, physically and spiritually - It can damage or it can heal! We will know for ourselves what truly is the right thing for us if we just tune in and listen to ourselves and watch our body communicating to us, from us.

8. Do more things that truly excite you - Since the feeling of excitement makes us happy, sends of endorphins through our body and creates a healthy bit of positive energy flowing through us, it is actually a no-brainer to do more things that excite us! We want to attract more positive things, we need to do more positive things. What excites you is unique to you and no one can tell you what this is! Embrace it and have fun! It will spark creative energy that will get the inspirations flowing. This space is where ideas can come flushing in and everything seems possible! Its about priorities. Once you understand that doing things you truly love and make your heart shine bright will give you more quality at your life, be it at work, in your business and with your relationships, you will prioritize them more :) Try it out and see for yourself! What have you not done in a long while but that was really fun? What is a hobby you have stopped doing or what can add more sparkle into your week?

9. Share your time with people around you - Its easy to get caught up in our own stuff and have our head hanging down in our phones or in our computers, not really seeing whats around us or who is around us when walking on the street. Life can get so busy sometimes and so fast too, but we forget (not intentionally) to snap out of it and actually open our eyes and be present for people around us. Even calling a friend out of the blue, even if you don't feel like it right now, lending a helping hand to people you don't know out on the street,  or even just throwing a smile at someone. It can make a true difference! When we do things that go out of our way and truly embrace those moments, with the energy 'because we want to' , not because we have to, we can transform a situation that might at first have been something we didn't feel like doing, into something that generates energy for ourselves and for the world.

10. Communicate fearlessly and kindly  - Be assertive - Communication is probably the most important quality ever. For the relationship we have to ourselves and the relationships we have with others. First we communicate to ourselves, we can tell ourselves lies because it makes us 'feel' better, but in the long run it damages us. If we communicate to ourselves truthfully, even if it is difficult, we can also let it go easier. Then, when we communicate it out into the world, the universe receives that authenticity, and reflects it back to us. The energy will be purified for us and the topic dealt with.

If we suppress whatever is on our mind and our hearts, it will only grow into something bigger inside. It might come out reactively in smaller situations, in ways that we could otherwise avoid, simply by speaking about it to the person there and then. There and then, in the sense of, when you know the time is right, when it comes from a loving place and not from the place of the ego-self.

True communication is communicating what you 'truly' feel, there is no need to be scared to communicate your truth. No fear is to be had of the reactions of the other person. It is ok to be confident with your truth! The universe responds well with every truth you speak. Its authentic! So no fear, even if it might be an uncomfortable situation at the time, it will pass and reap the rewards of the seeds you planted afterwards.

Lastly, communication is also not just about letting out and venting to someone without being open to hear the others point of view. Hearing out the other person will make you be heard more too. Listening openly can heal many 'problems' one might have, this includes admitting one might even be in the 'wrong' sometimes, and letting go on the attachment of that, which is healing.

It cleanses your energy, It enables you to live fearlessly your true self, It attracts people you resonate with and It makes you be lovingly assertive, living the life YOU want to live, affecting people positively in return because you owe it to yourself!

[emotional-intelligence-trai-blog]

Emotional Intelligence Training Works If You Design It Right

More than The previous sixteen decades, I've kept my attention on some other studies that are related to Emotional Intelligence instruction success. Normally, the outcomes are extremely positive. Participants have experienced enhanced abilities in handling emotional reactiveness, increased personal growth, enhanced teamwork, reduced anxiety and much more. A recent study between Nurse Managers (Nursing Administration Quarterly, 35(3): 270-276) didn't disclose quite favorable outcomes. As I analyzed the analysis design, I discovered several elements that contributed to these unsatisfactory outcomes.

The Subsequent background provides some insight to the research design. Throughout the six-month length of the program the amount of volunteer participants dwindled to less than half of their initial amount. At a work/life balance poll, roughly 90% of those volunteer nurse supervisors reported that the physical problems they believed were due, in some part, to overwork. An Emotional Intelligence evaluation was utilized to assess the nurse supervisors' pre and post-study Emotional Intelligence. This particular EI assessment presents pictures of people's faces to the participants and asks them to select the emotions expressed from a list of choices.

The program's activities included informational meetings on a monthly basis and peer coaching sessions weekly. For the peer coaching sessions, the participants were asked to follow guidelines that encouraged "thinking out loud," listening (paying close attention) and reflecting on what the coaching partner was expressing. At the beginning of the program, participants identified a couple of emotional skills they wanted to enhance as a result of participating in the study.

Results were inconclusive at the end of the six month period. While the nurse manager participants felt they were better managers with improved Emotional Intelligence skills, the EI assessment scores were lower and a greater percentage (95%) of the group reported physical problems, including hypertension, inability to concentrate, mental restlessness and headaches.

Given the numerous studies indicating very positive results for programs aimed at increasing Emotional Intelligence skills, these disparate results indicate the need for further examination of the make-up of the program. The following provides insight into the cause of the program's negative results and suggestions for improving the outcome.

As we examine the study's design, there seems to be a few implied assumptions. The first is that an individual's ability to identify the emotions depicted in a picture will improve if you pair people up in a weekly coaching discussion and the pair talk about whatever comes to mind. (Let's not even touch upon the assumption of the test itself that you can measure EI skills by having people correctly identify expressions in pictures.) The second implied assumption is that the group informational sessions and weekly peer coaching sessions will reduce physical symptoms.

The place to begin is to look at the EI competencies. While there are a number of models, I focus on a model that includes five EI competencies, some of which are intra-personal (within the individual) and others that are inter-personal (between individuals). To build EI skill, one must first develop strength in the intra-personal competencies such as Emotional Self-Awareness, Self-Management and Self-Motivation. With a strong foundation in these competencies, one can then grow the inter-personal competencies of Empathy and Nurturing Relationships. In other words, with solid skills in the intra-personal competencies such as managing one's own emotions, one can more easily manage inter-personal situations. As it relates to the study, the focus seems to have been on the inter-personal skill of Empathy, a part of which is recognizing emotions in others, listening for the meaning in words and conversations and not judging.

From a training perspective, following sound design practices would increase the likelihood of positive results. The first step is to determine what the training will help participants be able to do better. These becomes the learning objectives. As an example, you may want participants to be able to look at a picture and identify the emotions a person is expressing, or name the emotions he/she is experiencing in any given moment, or be able to change negative feelings into positive emotions. Once learning objectives are established, you can develop training where participants learn information, techniques or processes that help them accomplish the learning objectives. Participants should then have the opportunity to apply what was learned through guided practice which includes feedback. Then appropriate evaluation should be used to determine training effectiveness.

Now when we look at the Nurse Manager study, we don't see any evidence that the participants learned any techniques or processes to help them"identify other people's emotions from facial expressions in images" through the informational sessions. If indeed they didn't obtain this type of instruction, then the decrease in the EI evaluation scores isn't a surprise. Maybe a more significant thing is that the EI evaluation itself is not so close to actual life: the circumstance for your facial expression offers additional information allowing people to gauge the emotion.

In Addition there wasn't any sign that the peer coaching sessions provided any training to assist the nurse supervisors identify emotions in others. Scores may have enhanced if this sort of training was contained during those periods. On the other hand, the analysis didn't indicate that this sort of instruction was provided for the informational or coaching sessions.

Peer training sessions can be helpful in case a guided Process is utilized. Participants should be invited to recognize and discuss use of the EI methods they heard, what made their usage successful/unsuccessful, tips for improvement, etc.. The analysis itself supported this notion in the nurse supervisors suggested a more organized peer coaching procedure would have been valuable.

I Can't highlight enough that construction strong inter-personal EI Competencies requires an individual develops noise intra-personal competencies. To understand other's feelings, an Individual needs to First have the ability to recognize and handle her or his own emotions. The analysis Doesn't imply that this approach was followed. When this Sort of Method was followed, participants have undergone quite positive Results both professionally and personally, including enhancements of Physical issues associated with overwork like reduction in anxiety, Reduced insomnia, fewer headaches, decreased hypertension, and much more.

[workingproject]

Is It Really All About The People?

People-Culture-Company are known as the trinomium always seeking for balance to achieve success. I personally believe it to be true, as companies and human beings are more alike than we give it credit.  As a living conscious being, they both need continuous enhanced development, intelligent solutions and above all trust. Culture eats strategy for breakfast. Culture is the real competitive edge of any organization. Though the real question is: What births culture? The first standard answer we tend to hear is people´s behavior, therefore we would have to ask: What determines behavior? These would lead up to profoundly reflect on the strategy needed to influence behavior in such a way that it builds up individual culture that echoes into a collective culture throughout the company. I truly believe that what lies behind an organization´s culture is not people neither behavior but rather INDIVIDUAL PURPOSE.  Ask yourself: do you have a purpose as an individual? and do you think a group of people with radically different purposes can work in the same behavioral stream to birth collective culture in a company? I believe it is possible if every individual has a purpose. What is important is to make people understand the difference between purpose and objectives, as many people confuse their purpose with conventional material acquisition. This misconception leads to incoherence of thought, action and intention leaving the individual in a fragile position and the culture of an organization holding up on nothing more than thin air. Purpose can be reduced to one of the two following things: Creation or Destruction. When purpose is creative it feeds from the motivation of love and service and when purpose is destructive it feeds from fear and selfishness. To establish culture in an organization it is needed first for every individual to have a creative purpose.  You will find that many of your employees probably have never asked themselves the question, what is my purpose in life? and maybe neither do you. It is a difficult territory to navigate as it is possible that when people start asking and exploring deeply their purpose they might find out that it is precisely being in work they are in what is holding them back.  And you can be sure of one thing people will leave and you should rejoice when that happens.  As the departure will be one of congruence for all parts and gratitude.  To bring congruence to your people and your organization will shake the ground and the roots in which it has been sitting on for decades. When this process of congruence seeps into the company you will realize that your stress has reduced enormously and with it the stress and pressure of your people, as you will go to work every day only with those who are gladly taking and being part of the organization.  You will be with people that are happy to go to work, including yourself. The change in the bondage of the internal teams is fascinating and they begin to see each other as a powerful ally as opposed to a rival.  This individual congruence brings the collective congruence where the focus is on the greater goal, as they understand the system to be a network of allies that are there to empower their personal purpose.  That is the moment where every action is an accomplishment of their personal dream by being a part of the whole. It is important to understand in this process that we all are a bundle of potential and limitations at the same time. This is not a flaw in human design, rather it is the engine of evolution.  Limitations are only obstructive when evolution has ceased in the individual or in the organization. What I have created to remain in this dynamic process of change is a three-step process that involves Consciousness, Congruence and Correspondence.   Consciousness is making people aware of themselves and their conditioning. With more conciouness, people can start observing their emotional, intellectual and behavioral patterns, inherent characteristics that are not necessarily good or bad but simply are. Self-observation practices and disciplines are essential for consciousness to unfold. This process aids them to recognize the origin of their limitations and reconnects them with their capacity to choose.  They become free to choose how they think, how they feel and how they behave.  The shift from “I am trapped” to “I am free”. The second step Congruency, a difficult step for everyone as it can be simplified in taking 100% responsibility of all aspects of life. I am responsible of what I feel, what I think and how I behave, there is no one to blame outside myself.  Whatever remains of the “victim” inside now it is forced to disappear.  This opens for people the capacity to shape life according to their purpose, it makes them the players and not objects that are being played by their reactiveness.   The third and final step is Correspondence, here lies the basis of development and constant evolution.  What I challenge my people with in this step is Are you acting for yourself or have you taken into consideration that you are a part of a community?   Do you evolve to store merits in your personal secure vault, where merits will decay and rot, or are you gathering merit for the benefit of all humanity?   Being a vehicle of service to collective evolution completes the process as it makes you recycle all your doings and benefit from the doings of all who surrounds you. Understanding the virtue of service is knowing that the greater egoic-reward is GENEROSITY. How you share yourself and your success with the greater community is the magic tool for ongoing achievement.  Serving is serving a greater purpose, imagine this applied in the service industry!!

I left for last the best of all concepts, my favorite.  None of this is possible if the leader does is not in a place of life consciousness, congruence and correspondence.  Your team will never go where you haven’t gone yourself. Therefore, company culture is not something you apply to the organization rather something that grows from the inside out, beginning with your own life.  Culture is something you DO to yourself, and in that personal process of engaging with your purpose, your change is so palpable that it will shake every structure and belief around you. I can promise that change that involves congruence won´t be easy and it will hurt and make you want to return to the comfort of incoherent and incongruent living. Watch out for that tempting moment as it will be like trying to get away from a hurricane when you are sitting in the eye. You will experience fear, confusion and pain, hold on as in the other side you will have the greatest reward, a profound feeling of freedom. In this state you will enter into a creative course of living fueled by energy, genuineness and wholeness.  Do not get too comfortable in your seat as when you least expect it, change will be in order again as this process depends on constant evolution.  Are you ready to embrace life beyond the horizon of your limitations? Are you ready to take your company beyond that horizon?  The future will be awaiting those who sail towards it, it won’t come meet us in our comfortable incongruence.

[pedrocamposhtc-blog]

4 Advanced Mindset Hacks To Help You Become A Better High Ticket Sales Closer

Want to become a better high ticket sales closer?

I`ve got some good and bad news for you.

Good news: it`s not about memorizing lines and scripts.

Bad news: you`ll have to face your own demons.

I believe these hacks have the most impact in your success closing high ticket sales. That`s why I called them advanced. They`re not easy to master, hard to confront but for that reason, they`re so powerful.

All of them work together and it`s very difficult to maximize your results without following the 4 hacks. In combination, they`re like your call success insurance.

No matter what happens, you`ll never get rejected and you`ll always have something to win, even if you don`t close the sale.

  1 – Detach Yourself From Outcomes

It`s probably the most difficult thing to do, not being attached to outcomes. If you`re the impatient type of person, you know what I`m talking about.

I found that impatience and eagerness can sometimes be your worst enemy on closing calls.

Not being attached doesn`t mean you don`t care about the outcome of your calls, it simply means that your happiness is not connected to that outcome.

It doesn`t matter if you close the prospect or not, you`re still the same person. You can`t lose, either you get a yes, a no or a lesson to improve on the next sales call.

  All knowledge ultimately means self-knowledge. - Bruce Lee Click To Tweet

  A Bad Call Doesn`t Mean Anything

Understand that even if you had a bad call with a potential client, that doesn`t mean you`re a bad closer. Detach your happiness from the result and see how many more prospects you can close.

This is a very powerful hack to close more sales because it allows you to let go of any desperation. People love to deal with non-needy individuals and you`re prospects can sense that.

Now, you can focus on listening instead of just being in your head.

You`re not worried about what lines to say or questions to ask.

When you`re in your head, you have a hard time connecting. Connection comes from the heart.

Not being attached to the sale gets you into a place where you`re genuinely on the call to help the prospect instead of having your eyes solely on the prize.

    2 – Practice EQ

Emotional intelligence has been proved to help individuals succeed in pretty much any area of their lives. It is even a more determining factor in sales where you`re dealing with people and decisions.

Human beings are complicated and mastering your emotions can give you an edge over every salesperson and entrepreneur out there.

This means not being reactive, controlling your thoughts and not letting emotional baggage from the past affect your performance.

Prospects sometimes get emotional talking about their pains and desires and if you don`t have a solid base of EQ, your chances of following the “emotional trend” and losing the sale are high.

  You must be closed on yourself first before trying to influence somebody. Click To Tweet

  High EQ Equals High Performance

Easier said than done!

When the prospect is telling you his darkest secrets and getting all emotional, it is so easy to lose track of where you`re at on the call and what to say next.

This is when the combination between point number 1 and this can become a call saver. Of course, your skills are an important aspect of your success.

But good skills without the proper mindset are worthless.

If you start getting emotional as well, you might lose control of the conversation and it`s much easier to let the prospect get away with excuses when you`re in this fragile state.

Read about emotional intelligence, study the most successful athletes or business people. They all have high EQ levels, which allow them to operate at that level of excellence.

    3 – Change Your Money Blueprint

How can you ask a stranger with certainty for $20 000 over the phone when you have negative associations with money and rich people?

Very hard to do that without feeling weird or awkward! With so much false data around the word “money”, people just introvert and avoid the topic.

Your daddy told you that $1 000 is a lot of money, your broke teacher taught you that money is the root of all evil and your uncle said you should save for that rainy day.

These are the garbage people constantly hear, not to mention what the media puts out.

Your money blueprint is like a CD, it plays the same songs over and over again. If you want to hear new songs, that is, produce different results, you have to get a new one.

Replacing the old CD with a new one allows you to create different outcomes in your life.

  Your results will be a direct reflection of what your self-image is. Click To Tweet

  The Millionaire Mindset

In order to become an effective high ticket closer, you must lose your mind first.

That`s right!

You`ve got to lose your poor person`s mind and create a new one: the millionaire mind. That`s why I say, you must be closed on yourself first before influencing someone.

You have almost zero chances of closing high ticket sales with a messed up money blueprint, meaning how data about money is installed in your brain.

Change your programming first, it could be through affirmations, meditation, dressing a little bit better, educating yourself on the topic or simply start hanging around different people.

If you`ve been hanging around the same group of people, having the same habits, living in the same city and your life doesn`t change, maybe you need to give up something.

(NOTE: How To Master High Ticket Closing And Make Millions On The Phone Without Prospecting, Cold Calling Or Even Having A Business)

    4 – Self Image Is The Holy Grail

If you see yourself as a 6 figure earner, that’s exactly what you`ll get in your life, no more no less. Human beings cannot outperform their own self-image.

Meaning, how they see themselves and what they believe it`s possible. What does that have to do with becoming a better high ticket sales closer?

Your results will be a direct reflection of what your self-image is. If you believe charging $10 000 is enough, then you`ll probably be stuck at that level.

If you think all you can close is 10 sales a month, then your brain will give you enough reasons, telling you stories of why you should not go beyond that.

  Don`t look for the magic closing line... look within. Click To Tweet

  Self Image Is Your Thermostat

Your self-image is like a thermostat.

If yours is set a 70º and you suddenly become a little bit more successful, you`ll eventually find a way to sabotage the results to get back to the original temperature.

On the other hand, if your thermostat is set at 90º and something unexpected happens in your life such as a bad investment, you`ll find a way to heat your life back up.

It is critical that you start thinking more about what you`re thinking. Become aware of your thoughts and the stories you`re telling yourself every day.

The best way to improve your self-image and break through that invisible glass ceiling is through associations. Surrounding yourself with mentors, people that can make you uncomfortable and push you to that next level.

    The High Ticket Closer Mindset

The road to becoming a better and more effective high ticket closer is ultimately one that leads to fully knowing oneself.

You can mess up on the script, say the wrong lines but if you`ve mastered yourself, your mind, your emotions, chances are that you`ll do pretty good.

Salespeople and entrepreneurs are always looking for the magic line forgetting that like Bruce Lee said, “all knowledge ultimately leads to self-knowledge.”

To create sustainable results in sales or in any endeavor, you must stop looking for things outside of yourself to make you successful. You are the one that can make you successful.

Don`t rely on a system some guru sold you, a technique, the economy or the prospect, rely on you. This is how you can bulletproof your income.

Back to you… did you get any insight from this article that changed your thinking?

Let me know in the comments below.

    The post 4 Advanced Mindset Hacks To Help You Become A Better High Ticket Sales Closer appeared first on Pedro Campos.

source https://pedro-campos.com/high-ticket-sales-closer/