#maybe its the seasonal depression lol

[gjsxj0]

mindless rambling in tags don't mind me

[unlimitedhearts]

"Why do you relate to Harry Osborn so much?"

"Because I too am wracked with the feeling i have to fix the sins of my parents, that its my responsibility to make up for them. Because i too have an incredibly difficult relationship with my parental figures, of love and hate and mistrust and blind faith. Because i deal with chronic pain and i know the exacting toll it takes on you and how you are worn down with every move, albiet mine is mental illness. Because depression and anxiety are my best friends in a way that most people couldnt come close to being. Because my mom also died, i was in my early twenties sure, but that pain is pain i know. Because I know what its like to be lost at the behest of a ghost."

"But you're not rich and and white tho."

"WELL, GOLLY GEE WHILAKERS I NEVER DONE THOUGHT ABOUT THAT YOURE RIGHT I COULDNT POSSIBLY RELATE TO HIM. ALSO HEY WHILE YOURE AT IT WOULD YOU MIND CHOKING ON MY ENTIRE ASS? GO LITERALLY BRAINDEAD DUE TO LACK OF OXYGEN FROM CHOKING ON MY ENTIRE ASS :D"

"Isnt he also straight?"

"NO :D"

This is dramatised recreation of a conversation i had with someone a long time back. Also hes blorbo from my comics, shows, movies, video games, get up off my back abt it.

[princesses-and-bitchcraft]

just finished a veronica mars rewatch and bc one of my partners is my liveblog alternative these days they wanna start watching it with me whe we meet tomorrow so. the train don't stop.

[risingsuntarot]

1--2

3-4

General Messages & Advice !!

⚠️TW Quick mention of s*icidal ideation⚠️

I honestly had no set plan for this reading negl so I kinda just pulled out some cards to describe the collective energies and give them some advice sorry if this is long !! This took me quite a while so any love would be greatly appreciated!! Thanks for reading 💜

Excuse any typos :+//

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Pile ONE

---Cards pulled---

Ace of cups/Queen of Coins/2 of Coins

---Clarification---

9 of Coins/7 of Coins/8 of Wands

I see you're able to either barely able hold onto your emotions and new beginnings or you manage them quite well no inbetween

Youre extremely intelligent, patient yet fast and direct, dedicated and multifaceted it may have taken a lot to get to this point although

Im sensing a lot of emotional sensitivity yet you are perceived as stone when you feel like glass

"Petite, Cute, Princess, Marilyn monroe, Dainty" maybe youre described as such?

Strong sense of justice and very dependable, able to maintain balance

Maybe you feel lost inside? S*icidal ideation ? Or loneliness is a big factor

Possible lack of belief in change and self confidence

Im getting Hopeless romantic or dissatisfaction in love life if im being honest

No inspiration for life :'+(

Unstable Family background or relationships

Youre extremely pessimistic arent you? Im so sorry but i feel genuine pain hurt and the urge to cry almost? But something wont allow me to

Suppressed emotions or memories :+((

---ORACLE/ADVICE---

Eagle "see from a higher perspective"

Air Gaurdian "Shift your perception"

Lord "Take charge with authority"

High Priest "Intend ans Create"

There is a need for the sun and nature for playing a huge part in your healing, maybe its seasonal depression or simply anxiety or the "no inspiration for life" thats here

Bed rot could be a thing

There is a need to release old habits desires and ego

Confide in a masculine figure in your life or a masculine figure sees your distress (Gender doesn't matter its all energy)

Protection is needed and maybe a nice cleanse, maybe a cedar bath?

Again seasonal depression is coming up lol

You could be either a pieces or one of the Air signs

Take pride in your appearance, in the card she has long flowing black hair and stunning eyes!! Piercings too? Specifically a left nose piercing

Over thinking/pondering lol

Possible past friends or connections have ended badly?

Opportunities will only open up when you open your eyes and see that what you choose to see in the world if what youll perceive and experience

Lord of the rings/DND/Elden Ring/LARPing?

Rams could be significant or Aries sign!!

Learn a new instrument!! Make more art but with your own style ? Maybe youre in a art achool that doesnt allow for much individuality? But being a proud ab your individuality here is important!!

Birds are an important sign here, look out for feathers, hawks or eagles!!

If youre indigenous/Native/Aboriginal you may be receiving an Eagle Feather from an elder or during ceremony?! What an honor oml

Willie Jack from reservation dogs Vibes !!

---Channeled Songs---

LVL up - David strickland, Drezus, Aspects, prognosis

This came on during writing the eagle feather bit a lyric that caught my attention was

"Been a problem, Still a problem

But problems are what you need to grow"

Runaway - Lil peep

"Everybody act like they care, Why the fuck do everybody act like they care"

When I'm Gone - Eminem

"Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling

And I didn't feel a thing,

So, baby, don't feel no pain

Just smile back"

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PILE TWO

---Cards pulled---

The hermit/Knight of wands/8 of wands

---Clarification---

9 of cups/The Empress/Strength

Im getting like lost rebellion? And being unhealed and hurt inside from past trauma's specifically abandonment, neglect or betrayal from authority figures or those you had trusted

Feeling empty and misguided despite only trusting yourself, and no one seems to want to listen to your advice/experiences leading you to feel isolated and forgotten in a way?

Maybe you're a party animal, possible drinker and/or just popular/known in social settings

There is heavy overindulgence in emotionally fufilling things, specifically overspending and maybe other possible addictions (sleep, food, drugs etc)

Mother/Feminine figure is very important in your life

You look to them for approval of many things but they may have been not caring about your emotional needs or satisfaction rather they cared more about your hidden strengths and "beast inside" ?? Or even how "weak" they perceived you, they may have been disappointed at your strengths and abilities, n maybe they put you in some kind of martial arts or boxing despite your disinterest in it?

Quick to move on from situations!! Yet indecision and regret is coming through Strongly

Impatient with skills and talents that dont turm out they way you wanted so perfectionist type vibes

You are a clear communicator but tend to be rather impulsive with decisions or say one thing and do a completely different thing

Extreme harshness towards oneself and heavy judgement too :+(

Feeling exposed? Like all eyes are on you yet you dont want them

I feel a facade of confidence but there is true confidence coming through by the tiniest bit? yet it's heavily based on the feminine figures perspective in your life one with authority also your own perspective on yourself

Lots of self hatred and anger

Family oriented, getting protective yet detached energy tho

Cancer by my chemical romance came on so that song may be relevant?

---ORACLE/ADVICE---

Wise One "Grow within your current situation"

Mountains "Stand your ground"

Stargazer "Set your sights higher"

Direction guardian "Choose your path"

Owls maybe significant to you and other avians such as ravens

The wise one card depicts a woman with feathers in her gray hair, description of someone possibly?

Also a crescent moon is atop the owls head so maybe Athena or Greek mythology is important to you

I sense there was a lot of hardship in your life, ups and downs, peaks and valleys yet you choose to persevere and stay strong

I see you have may have been passed down a gift having to do with dreams, keep a journal and look into meanings of those dreams!! Also maybe astrology is something you love to look into or have an interest in ?

Although something is blocking this gift from its fullest potential i believe there is healing or a cycle to be closed off before youre allowed to fully tap into it !! It'll take time and work on your part

As of now you have many choices to make in many areas of life, youre heavily protected by your guides and loved ones, the direction guardian is depicted with a Seraphim as described by the hebrew prophet Ezekiel!!

Specifically in Ezekiel 28:11-19 is where the seraphim is described

You have choices, this card is to remind you that YOU have the power of your own path and direction

---Channeled Songs---

Cancer - MCR

"Baby I'm just soggy from the chemo

But counting down the days to go

It just ain't living

And I just hope you know

That if you say (if you say)

Good-bye today (good-bye today)

I'd ask you to be true (I'd ask you to be true)

'Cause the hardest part of this

Is leaving you"

No place to hide - Korn

"Some will look at the time I looked back into my life

You wanna touch me to see what's in my eyes

Why do you make me remember my hate, all this shame?

Don't you hate me? Sometimes"

I-E-A-I-A-I-O - SOAD

"Mine delusions acquainted,

Bubbles erotica,

Plutonium wedding rings,

Icicles stretching,

Bicycles, shoestrings,

One flag, flaggy but one,

Painting the paintings of the alive."

Although this seems like nonsense many fans believe its abbreviations or like code!! Soo...

M D E = Media and so on

The sentence comes together as:

"Media back-end power is bullshit, opposing force for the power of propaganda"

Stole this^^^ from genuis btw lmao

Theres the "lost rebel" part lol

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PILE THREE

---Cards pulled---

2 of swords/The Chariot/10 of Wands

---Clarification---

Ace of Swords/Knave of Coins/6 of wands

I feel more a message for this pile? And i do apologize but it is quite shorter than the rest but I will try my best to deliver both tho

You seem to be a very balanced person with clear morals and judgement, you have an ability to see all shades of gray in a black and white world maybe you work in the justice system? Or are dealing with the justice system ?And this stresses you out greatly yet you maintain hope for all that you see and deal with even if you see repeating injustices to those around you

Maybe PTSD is a factor here too, overthinking your own trauma or others

Anyways despite your position here you choose this pile for a reason !! You offer people truth and often give closure to cycles that needed to end

With the 2 of coins tho i think there is some imbalance between what you can and cannot do ? If that makes sense, like you can heal others or give them justice but cannot do the same for yourself :+(

Anyways the message i sense from this pile is pretty straight forward, you are giving someone (or yourself!!) the chance or closure to heal once more and whatever you may be waiting for is coming in quite quick although I feel there may be someone who may come in to sabotage the whole thing so be careful about who you choose to reveal this information to

They may offer a trade of some sort?

A deal, hush money or simply intimidation

Up your protection and be aware of fake friends yet still remain hopeful about the outcome because i see it turning out in your favor

---ORACLE/ADVICE---

Snake "Shed old skin"

Protection Guardian "Drop your Shields"

Winter "Take care of your needs"

High Priestess "Harness mystic power"

Again straightforward, beware of fake Friends and deals with strings attached my advice here is to up your protection and stand your ground!!

Drop your gaurd with those who you KNOW you can trust, you may need ro let out some stresses and emotions? Because the card winter is all about needs and hibernation so sleep well, eat and take some time to relax !!

Also might be an indication that whatever this situation is it may have happened in the winter/colder months

While in this time of self care and healing strengthen your knowledge and strengths learn how to master them !!

Your dreams and own special psychic gifts are important and potent !! Use them for yourself at this moment in time use that healing energy for yourself

Have confidence in yourself and know and own your protection because again you are heavily protected at this time you will most likely know who to stay away from very soon

Follow you intuition and what it tells you !!

---Channeled Songs---

The bird and the worm - The Used

[Whispered Post-Chorus] "Don't tell on me, don't tell on me. No, don't you tell on me, please. It's okay, don't tell on me, please..."

I find it interesting that its not the actual audible lyrics but if you listen to the song this is what the whispers are saying so...take it as it resonates

Spiders - SOAD

"Approaching guiding light

Our shallow years in fright

Dreams are made, winding through my head"

Bad dreams might be significant to you? Please try to relax good things are coming !!

Mama - MCR

"You should have raised a baby girl

I should've been a better son

If you could coddle the infection

They can amputate at once

You should've been

I could have been a better son"

-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-

Pile Four

---Cards pulled---

5 of cups/4 of wands/Knave of coins

---Clarification---

8 of wands/6 of cups/Knave of wands

I believe there currently is dissatisfaction with your love life or offers within love at this moment or even just impatiently waiting for your current partner/interest to "make a move"

There isnt a lot of hope or faith in the connection on your part but i do see this person is interested they just operate differently and have some concerns

Mostly having to do with being used for their material gain, name position and/or authority

They do see this connection quite successful but they hate being put on a pedestal, due to this they wont have the guts to come forward if they do!! It will most likely be impulsive or very confusing and indirect which might leave both of yous flustered mainly them

This might be over drinks because my face is warming up lol

They see you as the four of wands and 6 of cups what a wonderful pair of cards together!!

But they see your disappointment and or pulling away from their energy which is turning them off easily but they still have their eyes on you

They have no time to be a chaser or to be chased this person is quite serious in their relationships so dont play childish games, play stupid games and win stupid prizes right?

They have come to a decision on their own but its also up to them when this information is revealed to you directly

Also there seems to be a sort of distrust with relationships on either sides which needs to be addressed before hand

Communication maybe be an issue

---ORACLE/ADVICE---

Medicine Guardian "Be open to healing information"

Elder "Healing through lineage"

Peacekeeper "Harmonious resolution is possible"

Lady "enjoy growth a reap rewards"

I feel like time is needes to open up tp yourself and heal some issues on your side first, become the best possible version you can before you can move on with this

I see that this connection may heal cycles in your family and generational trauma possibly?

Its your job to keep cool despite the circumstances now and remember to mediate and that peace is always an option. Not every battle is worth fighting

However this goes you will be happy with what you see in the mirroe nonetheless!! Enjoy your hardwork and healed state

---Channeled Songs---

Fed Up - Ghostmane

"I'm fed up with the fame

I'm sick of reading my name in any other way than I intended

Fed up with all of these motherfuckers misunderstandin' me

I'm fed up with the ones that try to say you a fan of me

But then they turn their back and mothafuckers abandon me

You think I'm sitting high with everything, but now can't you see?

I'm livin' in reality, a struggle, not fantasy

I'm in a million-dollar couch, back then I was in a van"

No you girls - Franz Ferdinand

"Sometimes I say stupid things

But I think, well, I mean I

Sometimes I think the stupidest things

Because I never wonder

Oh, how the girl feels

Oh, how the girl feels"

Driven Under - Seether

"Must be something on your mind

Something lost for me to find

Do you know I'm faking?"

I feel this is more the distrust with their previous relationship possibly?

Also this lyric

"We have to succumb to the feelings we can never face

I need you, I breathe you

I can't go through this all again

We have to succumb to the feelings we can never face

I need you, I breathe you

I can't go through this"

Also pile 3 may have some messages?? I accidentally typed pile three for this one? :+//

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[dairy-farmer]

Another soulmate au ask lol

Theres a lot of angst and drama potential for bats stealing eachothers soulmates (Tim ofc). Especially considering how often they die/fake their death/fake being evil/straight up alienates everyone they care about

Jaytim is a tragic example. Never even got to know eachother and then his dad or brother swoops in to *comfort* Jasons grieving kid soulmate? Cue typical Red Hood shenanigans when Jason returns. Maybe in his rage he feels he has to punish his soulmate, or maybe he just wants to kill anyone who touched him. Either way, he's stealing him away. (Also it would really fuck with Jasons inferiority complex if even his literal soulmate seemingly fell for perfect Dick Grayson)

Bruce has abandoned his kids plenty of times, like when he was accused of murder or when he made JPV batman. Plenty of opportunity Dick to snatch up Bruce's poor neglected soulmate. Dick doesn't have one. And really, Tim should be Dick's, considering how they met and how Dick shaped Tim's whole world.

The Brucequest/Red Robin era is a good time for Jason to snatch up Tim (from whoever he belongs to in this scenario). He could also suceed in either seducing Tim, or claiming Tim by force during the battle of the cowl.

Alternatively, since there is such an age-difference vetween Tim and his soulmate (either Dick or Bruce), Tim and Jason (pre-death) organically fall in love instead. His soulmate just has to bitterly stand by and try to not sabotage his son/brother's happiness.

I also like a reverse robin version of this where either Bruce or Damian is Tim's soulmate. Tim is some jaded Red Hood type of vigilante and having any kind of relationship with those two is out of the question if he can help it (no matter how hard they try to win him back). But who can resist the sunshine of a persistent young Dick Grayson? All Tim did was help him get justice for his parents.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!THE BATS STEALING EACH OTHERS SOULMATE IS SOOOO GOOD!!!!😍😍😍😍😍😍!!!!!

the dicktim one especially!!!! the idea of dick NOT having a soulmate makes so much sense- his bad luck with love, the way it always fizzles out, the way he's on and off again with girlfriends but never able to really lock it down.

in many ways people see dick as just a "fun time" rather than a serious partner. afterall why would they want dick when they already have their soulmates destined for them.

not dick though. dick doesn't have a soulmate. and while it's not particularly rare it is very uncommon. there are support groups of course, blogs with people living life eternally without a soulmate, trying to make it seem like its not so bad. and most days dick tries not to get too down about it. but its hard.

he's tried not to be resentful towards bruce about it.

bruce, unlike dick, DID have a soulmate. in fact he had two.

his cup floweth over and dick tried so hard not to think badly of bruce because of it because it really seemed that things ALWAYS worked out for bruce. being born handsome, a billionaire, and an overflow of soulmates.

he doesn't learn tim is bruce's other soulmates until he's been robin for awhile.

it's pretty widely acknowledged by gotham and everyone that selina kyle is bruce wayne's soulmate and the two of them gallivant through galas and rooftops whenever the two are in the middle of one of their affairs that comes like a seasonal bout of depression.

as a teenager dick had always quietly pitied bruce's other unnamed soulmate who'd be competing against selina for the scraps of a place in bruce's heart.

never did dick expect to be spending a saturday night hanging out with them while bruce was out with catwoman given the rumors she'd blown back into town.

dick feels a sort of...heaviness sitting with tim and sorting through the manor's dvd collection while tim's soulmate was out messing around.

of course nothing between bruce and tim could happen- tim was thirteen. but still....it was a matter of respect.

dick didn't feel good knowing bruce was blatantly messing around in front of his soulmates face it just felt...wrong.

but dick does not say this. does not confront bruce about it because he already knows what bruce would say. something cutting and deep because the two of them aren't on the best of terms.

bruce could be so unthinkingly cruel and dick just knew he'd use the sore spot of dick not having a soulmate to question what right dick had to accuse bruce of being cruel to his soulmate.

and maybe he was right. maybe bruce's past behavior with him or with jason had no bearing on how he'd treat tim.

dick should've known he'd be wrong.

bruce drops tim at the slightest inconvenience, foisting him onto dick or onto alfred.

often times dick patrols with tim while bruce is off on one of his lone quests.

dick knows that things between tim and bruce are...weird.

the whole fact that they're soulmates also doesn't help.

but dick notices the stuff. notices how bruce has incredibly...strict expectations of tim.

and dick knows it's partly because of the loss of jason but also he's almost certain that tim's role as his soulmate also plays a role.

dick knows that the reason bruce and selina have frequent fallouts is because bruce wants selina to be a certain way and she adamantly refuses to be.

but tim....if bruce asked him to jump tim would beg to know how high. tim bleeds a need to be useful to bruce, to meet his expectations.

often that's what he and tim talk about, tim asking dick how he can be a better robin.

and dick, god. he pities the poor thing for having bruce for a soulmate. for being eternally tied to someone who would always find him wanting no matter how hard he tried.

dick should know. he'd been in tim's shoes.

so dick...tries to be nice. that's it that's all he tried to do at first.

opening his home, offering warm meals, kindness, affection. the sort of thing dick would have liked someone to do for him.

dick doesn't even realize he's trying to poach tim away from bruce until he's spending an afternoon just quietly thinking of tim.

he and tim are tied together in such remarkable ways. tim was there, on that night the day dick lost everything and his life changed forever.

tim was there, has been there, in the backgrounds and shadows all of dick's life. dick once goes into tim's room and sees his posters and 'flying graysons!' memorabilia still hanging, and it sticks in his head for days.

tim is soft and sweet and he soaks up dick's attention. he plays with dick and rough houses, laughs, and makes fun of him and he's...so easy to love.

and tim is young and he's so unsure of the bigger 'adult' world that bruce has locked him out of as a soulmate and so...when he comes to dick curious and full of questions...dick helps.

and afterward while he's lying in bed naked with tim fast asleep on top of him he doesn't feel...bad about it.

dick feels no guilt over fucking bruce's soulmate, he should.

yet dick finds it so easy to do. again and again.

sex with tim is good, it's perfect, its better than anything that dick has ever felt before.

maybe it's because tim is so new at it and adorably clumsy. the way he straddles dick's hips and bounces up and down, struggling to find a good rhythm of fucking himself on dick's cock. tim fits like a glove around dick, it's like his little cunt was made for him.

dick marvels at tim's adorable tits, so small and so pink and easily distressed when dick gropes one to keep tim's body pinned as he kneels between his legs and fucks all the way into tim's warm, velvety hole. tim's cunt gets so red and throbs from the friction of dick taking him over and over but tim never once complains.

only moaning and whining, arching and making sweet little sounds to ask for more, to ask for him to keep going.

kids, dick couldn't help but chuckle.

tim is young and puberty is a killer so more often than not tim is writing on him and trying slip their clothes off because he's a budding little nymph.

and dick well...it's the first time he's had a partner who can actually satiate his sexual appetite.

things with tim are good. bruce is barely even a thought to either of them.

dick is breathing hard with an iron grip on tim's waist, snapping his hips hard and fast against tim to bury his cock as deep as it will go while tim makes softly gutted noises. dick is basically operating on a purely primal, animal brain when his detective senses tell him he's being watched.

it's not enough for him to stop though. but to avoid tim noticing and panicking dick pulls him into a deep kiss, swallowing his sweet noises as he slows his thrusts into a grind. he gently fucks tim's tender hole, groaning at tim weakly clenching around him, he sweet attempts to help dick cum.

the feeling of eyes on the back of his head intensifies.

dick has an idea of who's watching them but wants to save tim from the confrontation so he puts his back into it.

he speeds up, punching his cock into tim at a punishing pace, staring down at the pink, wet twitching seam swallowing him and letting a wad of spit fall out of his mouth and land directly on tim's baby clit.

dick's fingers are calloused and rough and tim can't help the startled bunny noise he makes when dick starts pressing down on his clit at the same time as he grinds in. the friction has tim's body trembling.

dick is not a sweet and kind lover. he is hard and fast and often times cruel with the way he bends and fucks and plays.

but tim never denies him not even in inch of his body to do with as he pleases.

and as thanks dick fucks tim so hard his eyes roll to the back of his skull when he passes out.

dick finishes quickly afterwards, muffling his grunts behind bitten lips as he wetly slaps his hips together with tim's after every wave of his orgams.

tim's poor pussy is still twitching when he pulls out, red like a freshly spanked bottom and puffy. dick delightedly watches fresh cum drip out in thick spurts for a few seconds before pulling out a plush blanket and covering tim's nude body.

then he makes his way to the fire escape window by his kitchen where bruce is waiting for him, his lips pressed so tightly together they're white.

it's hard to keep their voices down, bruce half dragging dick out so they can talk freely on the roof.

dick knows why bruce is upset. it's probably not a good feeling to walk in on your soulmate getting fucked by your son.

"what is the matter with you?" bruce asks, voice deep and ragged like a bear's. "tim is a child-"

and dick doesn't try to stop the scoff that rips out of him. tim's age is hardly a factor. plenty of soulmates with age gaps start fucking out of the gate.

bruce quietly stares at him, the air around them heavy.

"tim is not your soulmate."

and that dick adamantly denies. because he is. he IS.

dick can feel it. he knows it like he knows his own hands.

what he and tim have is real. and dick was not going to stop just because bruce was unhappy that dick was giving his spare the time of day.

at that bruce's jaw tightens. and dick can tell he's restraining himself from doing or saying something.

bruce says nothing.

so dick turns to leave. he can feel this won't be the last time they'll have this conversation. dick can feel it.

but for the moment it doesn't matter.

dick's soulmate is wating for him.

[angstics]

3.3k words summarizing queliot if you've never seen the magicians. or if youve seen it and you want to indulge in my insane criticisms. lord touch his mind

okay so the magicians was a tv show about a bunch of post grads learning magic in magic university then discovering that the fantasy world from a kids book series was actually real and the Beast of that world was out to get them. WHO GIVES A FUCK. the crazy people were focused on the relationship btwn main character quentin coldwater (depressed, heart on his sleeve, surprise sex maniac who is new to magic and loves those books) and gay best friend eliot waugh (substance addicted (big surprise!!), gay trauma, named after evelyn waugh oh you know…) they form a friendship and it’s weirdly touchy and close. eliot keeps trying to seduce quentin but it’s never serious. i dont even think quentin notices. anyone remember the “lets not talk” scene? he was about to fuck that sad man. anyway this tension was actually fulfilled by the end of the 1st season with a drunk threesome including the two and their best friend margo. they at least kiss and cuddle and MAYBE sucked dick if the ghost of his girlfriend who haunts him later is to be believed (which i do #cockinhismouthsunday).

at this time articles that were like “THIS SIFI SERIES IS PROUDLY BISEXUAL” were coming out which. lol. lmfao! quentin never had any sort of queer identity. not even a hint of it. the homophobia of the show started with the regurgitation of the “sad drunk lonely sex-crazed” gay man trope with eliot, then the “everyone is fluid but no one actually has same sex attraction” trope, THEN by sidelining and killing off almost every gay or trans character, THEN THE QUENTIN THING. and the quentin thing turned people insane. let’s see why.

so after the threesome, eliot and quentin continue having a good friendship. there is some tension that isnt present with margo which sure is a choice… but it is resolved by a heartfelt crowning ceremony nd hug. oh theyre kings of the magic land now btw. eliot and q are pretty much separate from this point on xcept for certain episodes/moments. it is strange they dont have any storylines together. but love finds a way. at some point a version of eliot sacrifies himself for quentin. if u look at the scene it is on instinct it is crazy. then they reunite at the end of s2 but it’s all business really. the show was really involved w its nonsense plot.

anyway season 3. hahaha. so like i said theyre separate most of the show past s1. this is true in this season xcept for episodes 305 and 313 (with some notable moments in between). the plot of this season is that they have to go on quests to collect keys. the creature that gives eliot this plot calls quentin his “brother of the heart”. ok! when they see each other for the first time in a while in 304, they hug in a very sweet way :) look at this photo from bts during that scene :) i have it framed

after a series of other quests, 305 turns out to be the Eliot and Quentin quest! finally a story with the two! the quest is for the “time key”, which is fabled to be given to whoever solves the mosaic puzzle in fillory (magic world). the puzzle? they have to arrange 100s of tiles in a way that depicts “the beauty of all life”. quentin is very excited about it. eliot is happy to hear him infodump. they eventually get pushed into fillory to solve the mosaic. turns out they were also sent DECADES in the past. there might have been a way out but they were dead-set on solving the mosaic and getting their key. so they get to work. they live in a cottage attached to the mosaic and they spend hours, days, months on it. just the two of them and the mosaic. this episode is called “a life in a day” which is so perfect you wonder why the writing couldnt be that good within the show.

at the 1 year anniversary, quentin kisses eliot. and eliot kisses him back. and you wonder woah what does this mean?! well keep wondering girl because this tv show does not care to explore any of that. it chugs on and eliot and q fight about “living their lives there” and quentin gets a Wife and has a child with her and then she DIES (leaving her as a narrative incubator rather than an actual character, which is very in line with the sexism of the show). and they grow up and decades pass and the child grows old enough to leave and it seems eliot co-parented him but (again) the tv show doesnt care to show you that. and this whole time theyre working on the mosaic. years and years. eventually they grow old. it’s just the two of them. until eliot dies. quentin goes to bury him in the mosaic plot and he finds a special little tile. he places it in the mosaic. he gets the key. the puzzle is solved. “the beauty of all life”. but quentin is alone. his life companion is gone. and that’s the last we see of him.

we go back in time til before they enter fillory. their friend stops them and she has the key through time shenanigans and they never live that timeline. UNTIL!!!!! they do. they remember it all. what does decades (50 yrs btw) of living happily together mean for them?!? FUCK ALL APPARENTLY!!!! because the next episode (306 if yr keep track) they mention it ONCE AND NEVER AGAIN. and there is so much beneath the surface with the looks and the line that mentions it (“go be life partners with someone else” eliot says jokingly in a manner that shouldve been the catalyst to quentin’s magic-induced suicide spiral later that episode).

ok quentin does mention it once more to his dying dad. but nothing about his Male Life Partner Of Fifty Years. Nothing. they dont even talk about it with their best friends, leading one to believe they just kept it a secret . which. okay.

okay. so theyre apart til the last episode of the season. and quentin decides to sacrifice himself by locking himself in a cage with a monster for all of eternity. he says the quest prepared him for it which is yikesss. eliot refuses. but quentin insists. they travel to the prison (he gets back together with his gf during this trip btw they had been apart that season after some shit. one of their worst writing decisions i hate this stupid ass cockroach relationship). quentin almost exchanges himself. then eliot shoots the monster. dooming them all.

so the monster doesnt die. instead he possesses eliot. and that becomes the story for season 4. at first quentin and co think eliot is dead. and it’s devastating lol. an interesting thing is that the monster was so. touchy with quentin. unbearably so. it’s such a perverse reflection of eliot’s touch. which is sorta pointed out by quentin in this quote (paraphrase) “i know it’s not eliot. but he has his face and his eyes…”

anyhow 405. hahahahahaha. so this episode it’s revealed eliot is alive but trapped in his own head. and to get out for a moment and tell his friends he’s alive, he needs to confront his most terrible most shameful memory. the whole episode is him trying to figure out what it is. meanwhile, quentin and co are setting up a plan to kill the monster. and quentin breaks up with his gf (lol). in a deleted scene that WAS shown in promo they argue about the monster. and quentin says “im team eliot”. lol

anyhow, eliot’s hit a dead end. he cant figure the worst thing that’s happened in his life. then his memory of quentin (theyve been hangin out) says he’ll “sacrifice” himself if he had to. eliot smiles and says “i know youre just a memory… but youre a very generous one.” and quentin says— (im reciting this from memory btw all of this has been from 4 years of NON STOP thinking about it) quentin says “well you sacrifice for the people you love” and he gives eliot a VERY pointed look. and then it dawns on eliot. and the guilt is instantly palpable.

hahahahha. hahaha. hahahahahaha. okay so eliot goes to the memory he knows is the worst thing he’s ever done. his most traumatic memory, after a lifetime of violent homophobia and bad choices. the person possessed before him described this memory as being “the day he left home”.

the memory? the day they remembered their past lives. did it happen? fifty years. it happened.

theyre sat under a wedding arch (that was the b plot of the episode lol). it’s beautiful. eliot watches the memory play out, standing in front of the seated figures. the guilt. the guilt.

outside, the tension is building. the plan to kill the monster is in motion. quentin has to coax him to a certain spot. he has to look at him as he kills his best friend.

eliot doesnt know this but he gets anxious watching it play out. there is a certainty that this is it. the first time viewer has no idea whats going on. we never saw the direct aftermath of them remembering. we always assumed there wasnt anything.

well a year after 305 aired, a yr after thinking THAT WAS IT, they recontextualize Everything.

it is worth saying here that in the promo interviews leading up to season 4, quentin’s and eliot’s actors were sussing it UP. quentin’s at some point talks on q’s queerness, saying it was the one aspect of his life he didnt feel anxious about.

well

what happens is that quentin asks eliot for a relationship. remember how it was quentin who first kissed eliot? it happens again. heart on his fucking sleeve. i can recite this scene pretty well so im going to fucking do it:

did it happen? fifty years. it happened. it was sort of beautiful. it really was. i know this is gonna sound dumb but … us. i mean we work. we know it cause we lived it. who gets that proof of concept? (eliot smiles uneasily) we just got injected with fifty years of memories so i get that youre not thinking clearly. no im just saying… what if we gave it a shot, would that be so crazy? (eliot looks down, worried and thoughtful. quentin smiles RADIANTLY it is BLINDING) why the fuck not?

editors opinion: quentin is such a beautiful person. to be so truthful about something so scary is unthinkable. especially in context of him being so hopelessly and quietly in love his childhood best friend, and his whirlwind romance with previously mentioned gf, and all the tragedy he endured with these two. but this is someone who loves with his whole heart. what was he supposed to do? contain it?

then eliot hardens.

i know you and you arent… whats the matter? dont be naive it matters. (pause) q i love you but… that isnt me and that definitely isnt you. not when we have a choice. (quentin looks away. he wipes his eye) oh. okay. sorry.

and silence. the real eliot, the eliot who isnt the memory, looks on. tired and angry, he speaks to himself:

what the hell is wrong with you? what the hell are you doing? someone Good and True… Loves you. yeah it was a little crazy but you knew. you knew this truly mattered. and you just SNUFFED IT OUT.

then he looks to the memory of quentin. soft as the clouds:

q. im sorry. i was afraid. and when im afraid i run away.

then he kisses him. and he hits you with the thesis of the episode:

if i ever get out of here q… know that when im braver it cause i learned it from you.

well

thats his most traumatic memory. he is granted passage to consciousness. what is the first thing he sees? quentin. the real quentin.

q? (smiles) q (laughs) it’s me. it’s eliot. ok come on no games. it’s eliot. i said no games. (eliot looks around, worried as all hell) fifty years (he walks towards q) who gets proof of concept like that? what? peaches and plums motherfucker (this is the symbol to their mosaic life) im alive in here. (eyes as wide as saucers, heart in his throat) eliot…

and he ruins their plans of killing the monster. “eliot’s alive.”

then the episodes keep rolling. “eliot eliot eliot. why do you care so much about him?” “because i do.” and “wow i love that plan. except the part where it doesnt save eliot.” quentin gets back with his gf for reasons only the devil knows. but fine ok whatever quentin and eliot will HAVE to talk post-saving. even if the writers ignore it once more they have some kind of relationship. and they do save eliot in the finale! you know who they dont save? lmfao

quentin dies. in a manner that many including myself found weird and unsatisfactory and suicidal. and he never gets to know how eliot feels. never. he’s just gone. their story means nothing 💯

editors note: this ending broke me. i was using the show as a depression crutch, so a fate so hopeless ruined me. cant blame the show for my mistake but being so technically bad certainly didnt help.

well when the show came back for its next (and final lol) season, they did attempt closure for eliot and quentin. for some reason this was all contained in 3 episodes, most of it in the third (503) but what the fuck ever. it has its moments.

the episode is basically about eliot and alice (q’s gf i dont think ive mentioned her name. sorry alice) going on a mini quest up a treacherous mountain for grievers to return a piece of quentin’s soul back to the underworld. their fights are soooo funny. toxic lover vs almost-lover.

alice at some point says “well he was MY boyfriend this is MY pilgrimage and you just TAGGED ALONG” and (blood obviously boiling) eliot goes “right, because he meant nothing to me”. and this highlights something so sneakily homophobic about this whole affair. quentin and eliot’s relationship never mattered to the narrative as much as all the other straight relationships, especially quentin and alice’s. like i said, they would separate for entire seasons. you will be happy to know that not 1 episode goes by without quentin and alice conflicting and making up conflicting and etc. i dont understand how quentin and eliot’s relationship wasnt important enough. they were best friends, they kissed multiple times and had sex AT LEAST once if the mosaic subtext isnt considered. and the mosaic… it isnt just that they lived together for 50 yrs and raised a child and were happy, something they couldnt quite grasp in their old lives… they achieved the beauty of all life. that is a monumental achievement that shouldve changed not only their lives, but their stories.

the thing about the confession is that it wasnt planted in s3. talking about 405, the writers said they came up with it while working on that episode. it was essentially a retcon. though its inclusion explains why they didnt talk about it literally, it doesnt excuse the narrative outright ignoring it. it DEFINITELY doesnt account for why it ignored the rest of the SAME SEASON it was ESTABLISHED IN. if this was quentin and alice, they would be talking about it nonstop. and guess the fuck what when they get back together it is *non stop*.

SO. 503. they are on their pilgrimage. tensions build. eliot hallucinates quentin’s voice (it’s a soundbite from the mosaic when eliot dies which is depressing). they meet another traveller who is grieving his long dead boyfriend.

the traveller asks who theyre grieving and alice goes My Boyfriend and eliot looks away and says he knew him as a friend and it’s so sad it makes me want to die. why did they invent new exciting ways for gay people to be ashamed of who they love. i hate this show.

anyway the traveller talks about his boyfriend and how he was a magician who died young and how his dreams were haunted by him. and eliot is listening so intensely you want to jump hale appleman for being so good at this acting thing. alice goes to sleep and leaves the two alone. then they really start talkin:

(the traveller asks) have you ever had love? (eliot smiles small, hesitant) love…? yeah love. (pause) the friend we’re putting to rest. (traveller is delightfully shock) wasnt just a friend.

truly truly truly cant describe to you how much it physically pains me that it took 2 seasons and for one of them to die and a conversation with a stranger to get to this point. why wasnt this always part of the narrative. why does this only matter now after 2 yrs of fans badgering you about why this isnt part of the fucking show despite BEING PART OF THE FUCKING SHOW! it is dead obvious this was never the intent so even with something that should feel right feels wrong because the show never wanted it. it never wanted quentin to be in love with eliot. but it doesnt make sense if he isnt. i hate this show.

the convo continues 🙄:

does she know? oh god no. a torrid secret affair. (eliot looks away) no, nothing like that.

and i wish eliot was given a proper story. i wish i knew what was going on in his head through all of this. i wish i wish.

so it is revealed that quentin and eliot “had love” and that eliot is keeping it a secret (a revelation considering they werent intimate on screen past the 1 yr anniversary, they were only ever referred to as best friends by cast and crew, AND even what they were was obscured in the confession scene. and their feelings didnt matter past 405 fuck this world). this is huge. it should be huge. eliot’s first arc is about how he cant fall in love until he does and gets his heart broken. quentin’s stories are so wrapped up in alice that having another love interest should complicate that entirely. it doesnt.

the climax of the episode is when eliot expresses difficulty of letting go of quentin and alice says “he was your friend” and eliot replies (quick as if not meaning to) “he wasnt just my friend.” and wowww. how cathartic. the first time in the history of the show they talk about it. 5 seasons btw.

and eliot tells her about the mosaic and how “we loved each other for a really really long time.” and how he told him to fuck off and how he died for him and how he was never able to talk to him again. he just died.

and that part is supposed to be cathartic too. it feels cathartic for eliot the character at least. but to me the Viewer. i was sick of how they were trying to appeal to MY thoughts of what he should be feeling. as if trying to placate me. cuz if it was soo important it wouldnt just been solved after this episode. he DGAF about quentin after this. i dont get it. why cant they write a proper story.

well one line that stuck with me and i truly felt was this:

alice: he was pretty in love with you eliot: i wouldnt say that alice: .. i would

and then eliot looks at her the most devastated a man can look.

thats it. that’s quentin and eliot. a heartfelt and final fuck this show. the fic goes crazy esp the 2019 shit.

[fuglyjeans]

Ok the first time I watched bojack horseman season 6, it sent me in a pretty bad depression spiral. But I just watched it again for the first time in almost 4 years, and it actually fills me with peace. I think I thought the show was saying no one can change, really; bojack will always be just some shitty selfish horse. He can try to do better, but he can't change the lives he's ruined, or outrun the consequences, and he'll always slip up. That made me so sad.

But now i see it more like... yeah hollyhock cut off contact, bojack goes to prison, Diane implies they'll never speak again, Princess Carolyn implies she won't work with Bojack again in the future etc. But at the same time all of these characters still express love to bojack and thankfulness that he was in their life. Even Todd is really kind to bojack in the final episode, despite having every reason to ignore him forever. They draw boundaries as they should. But there's still compassion.

Even though bojack has arguably lost absolutely everything, he's still able to find a little joy in prison putting on a play. And those people will still probably say hi to him from time to time... and after he gets out of prison, who knows, maybe he'll make more progress and find new people, start better relationships. He was already on the up and up... he relapsed, but honestly that happens. Before his relapse he'd been sober for like a year which is pretty amazing.

bojack is messy and his progress is slow. He's deeply flawed and no one is obligated to stay in his life, no one has to respect him after all the shitty things he's done. But what brings him true peace is being honest with himself about that... no memoir or dream role or Oscar win or long-lost sister or university can replace the peace of just being real. Taking accountability. I think by the end bojack is at least starting to realize that and commit it to memory.

I also think it's tempting to feel like post-rehab bojack is all better, he's a new bojack, it's unfair that the reporters and interviewers come after him to ruin his life after he'd just fixed it. He's not the same as Vance Waggoner!! But that's the thing.. even though it's hard, even though it feels unfair, bojack still has the choice to do better. He didn't have to do the 2nd interview. He didn't have to teach at hollyhock's school without asking her if that would be weird. He didn't have to do Horny Unicorn, he didn't have to go back into that party after reading hollyhock's letter. He didn't have to go on one last bender, break into his old house, call Diane and nearly kill himself. It's understandable that he did. It's painful and horrible. But every single time, he could have chosen to walk away, ask for help--maybe not from Diane or PC or Todd, but surely Mr Peanutbutter or he could have just checked into the ER for monitoring. And that would feel sad and humiliating and lonely but he would survive and come out knowing he didnt ruin things this time, even if he felt alone. Its ok to be alone. But he didnt do that... so even though i understand why "new bojack" fucks up again.... it WAS all still his own choice.

I could talk abt this show forever lol God

[things-arent-what-they-seem66]

Yo! I've been thinking of an au I'd like to share! I hope it's up your alley cause I have no one else to tell it to, but I think you'll like it 🥺

It's adamsapple (obviously). The quick run down is that when Adam dies (either in the final battle of season one or when he dies on Earth and instead of going to heaven, he goes to hell (but i think I'm leaning towards the final battle death fitting much better)), he respawns as a succubus, but he doesn't look like the one from Helluva Boss (if you know the one I'm meaning), I'm thinking more feminine, like Verosika. But still a dude (with both parts down unda for smut reasons).

At first he was a bit weirded out but the longer he lives in hell the more into it he is (he was a whore in heaven so it's only right be becomes a whore in hell).

Maybe after a few years of doing his thing, partying, fucking, wearing the hornist clothes, rocking it out on stage, Lucifer eventually finds Adam (not sure how, I like to think he sees him around a couple of times but as much as this succubus looks like Adam, there's no way he'd respawn as something that's usually hellborn- but the resemblance is uncanny?!).

Adam sees Lucifer and the hotel gang around, but of course he tries to keep away, and not bring too much attention to himself (which, unsurprisingly, he finds that hard to do). I like to think that other than Lucifer, Adam runs into Angel Dust a lot, because Vals taken a liking to him (he doesn't sign a contract but maybe Val pays him to work in some of his clubs, whether that's poll dancing or serving customers).

Angel also has the same feeling as Lucifer. "Is that... Adam? There's no way..."

He mentions it to Charlie and Husk, Charlie doesn't think too much of it but obviously mentions it to Lucifer and Vaggie. I like to think Vaggie is ready to spear this succubus just in case it is him (or she just hates him that much that she would be semi hostile to anything or anyone that looks like him), Lucifer is getting more suspicious. "If Char's friends think that succubus looks like him then maybe I should investigate more".

I would love for Alastor to be quite involved in this au as well, he's still butt hurt that Adam landed a good hit on him, and made him retreat (putting a huge damper on his public image, especially with Vox filming the whole thing).

I'm not 100% sure how they confirm it's Adam, I'm thinking Lucifer hires Adam for a night or two, but Adam does such a good job keeping his cool (even tho he's panicking on the inside) that Lucifer starts doubing that it's him, so he comes up with a plan.

Maybe Lucifer brings up Eden as conversation, knowing that's its a real touchie subject for Adam, he says lies, brings up Liliths accusations she had against Adam that turned Angel!Lucifer against Eden!Adam (him being controlling, forcing himself on her, which is a complete lie that Lilith told (I'm all for evil!Lilith lol)).

Adam gets so mad at Lucifer for telling a totally fabricated story and just goes OFF. 10,000+ years of anger, betrayal, pstd, and depression just coming out. And even tho Adam realized halfway through into his rant that he's blown his cover, he just can't stop. He's too furious.

Lucifer: so it is you..

Adam: ...well fuck *proceeds to quickly grab his clothes and runs out*

Lucifer: You're not getting away from me bitch-! (Lucifer would catch up to him, start attacking him again like he did at the final fight, but he sees how terrified Adam is. Just shaking and crying, and actually begging for his life. Lucifer stops, he's never seen Adam beg, let alone cry, not since Eden (and that brings up feelings Lucifer buried long ago)).

I like to think that once it comes out to the hotel gang that it is Adam (Charlie would try and convince him to try redemption (mainly so he can get back to heaven and put a good word in for her hotel, maybe be the go between between Heaven and Hell)), but surprisingly to everyone, he doesn't want to go back, he can finally be himself, and he isn't hating his whole succubus look, even tho it's slightly feminine but he's fine with it.

This is when I think Alastor would try and get revenge, not sure what that could be yet.

Anyway, I think I've rambled WAY too much, u hope I haven't lost you 😅

I really hope this is something that piques your interest, I just love the idea of a more feminine whore Adam, plus I love the succubus designs in Helluva boss, the wings, horns and colour's are so gorgeous to me!

Thanks for coming to my tedtalk- I love your work by the way! It's such a joy to just scroll through your page and read everything you're doing 🥺

Okay- bye!

My good anon I am IN LOVE with this idea!! Especially since Adam didn't sell his soul to anyone, he's whoring around because he WANTS to not because he's forced to.

I love everything about this.

Lucifer would SO bring up Eden shit to out Adam and of course it would work. Adam is prideful like Lucifer is.

If you're on my page you know I like one-sided Angelicradio...... Just saying. And Alastor isn't attracted to Adam because he's good looking, though that doesn't hurt, he is enamored with the power Adam had as an angel.

He would want to get his revenge anyway possible. Take that as you will.

AWWWWWWW 🥺 💖 You're so sweet anon that makes me so happy to know people actually enjoy the silly little stories I put out. You made my day 🥰

[bootsandsugarr]

song of the day ༘

The bay has been facing quite the heat wave this week. My resting temperature is warm so I am not a fan. Today was sort of the beginning of the end of that. This came on while i was driving to school, specifically through the cool of the canyon. I need my windows down all the time idk it is just a need, so I was blessed with the first cool breeze I have felt in a long while. This song is that cool breeze!

It has always been a song that I've listened to in transitional periods. Right now that transitional period is summer to fall, perhaps something bigger.. but who knows. Summer is my least favorite season, not just because of the heat. Something about the lack of routine in summer really messes with me. Seasonal depression hits me hard toward the end of july and early august. Which is maybe a part of why I love fall so much, it means finally feeling like my brain works right.

This song also sounds like a smile. It feels calm but also bright. Its not a full teeth smile but rather a blushy, soft and full smile. One that you might give when thinking about a new crush... Which is also why its song of the day😛 alert the masses! We have a new class crush! I haven't had a class crush since high school, crazy! it is so innocent and fun and makes you want to run your hands through dewey fields. It's not really anything that will develop seriously but thats the beauty of a class crush. Its just something you can giggle about with your friends. Which is, again, exactly how this song feels, sorry for the repetition lol. It is perfect for giggling with your friends, or driving down a winding road, or the inklings of a crush, or just general bashfulness. Most of all it feels like finally being able to take a full breath again.

also it matched my outfit 😊

[givehimthemedicine]

how 4 sets the scene for Blind Max

another reason I suspect she'll have a blindness arc continuing into/through 5 is that I've been thinking about how Max's season 4, from its very first to very last second, lays groundwork de-prioritizing sense of sight for her and often shifting importance onto hearing.

on the surface, this is all just aspects of her depression/curse experience this season, but it all has the side effect of helping prepare her for blindness.

let's go:

do you wanna hear about the deal that I'm making? 🎵

Max's s4 begins with her shutting out the world around her to focus on her music all the time,

and that's before it's revealed to be a very literal lifeline. the special power of music here places enormous importance on sense of hearing (which has also benefitted Will, Victor, and the other Pennhurst inmates)

(deaf Vecna victim: "guess I'll die")

Lucas's basketball game

Max not wanting to attend the game was about not wanting to be seen by Lucas, rather than not wanting to see Lucas. she has no problem seeing Lucas - check out those heart eyes at the pep rally but only when he isn't looking.

she doesn't not care about him. she's just hiding from him.

so they could easily have established Max secretly caring via a scene where she does attend, watching but staying out of sight. maybe it turns out she refused his ticket because she actually already had one. or maybe she gets a ride from Eddie and gets to the gym and reaches for a door handle and hesitates and goes home instead.

instead they chose for her to keep tabs on Lucas without seeing the game at all, by listening instead. (looked upon by a poster with giant eyes lol)

not only tasty as a foreshadow, but a great little touch to set up Max knowing that her connection/enjoyment of her friends and awareness of what's going on doesn't depend solely on her ability to see.

bonus: her only line in that scene? "alright, I hear you" (because that dog barks)

shutting her eyes

Vecna doesn't blind his victims (well. not at the beginning) but instead forces visions upon them, so instead of their actual surroundings they see horrifying things, both literally and in a depression-metaphor way.

anyway, how does Max escape Vecna in DB? she shuts her eyes to the darkness he's forcing her to see, and focuses on the light - the love of her friends - which she knows to be the truth.

that worked the first time, and it worked again to escape the Creel house vision.

where it failed was at the snow ball, I think because Vecna got too much in her head by talking to her, and she couldn't concentrate. (the other two times he didn't talk to her while she was trying to hide in her memories, but this time he won't shut up).

after that, she seems to have given up on shutting her eyes, maybe because Vecna has figured out to target her hearing. because at the next attempt, her eyes stay wide open, and I think she would've been killed except for El interrupting. the third time, her eyes stayed open and she was killed.

avoiding eye contact

4 Max carries on a considerable chunk of her conversations staring off to the side, especially when the topic is herself.

not that this is unique to season 4 or to Max - people just tend to avoid eye contact when uncomfortable. for example, Max barely looks at Lucas throughout the s2 heart to heart on the bus either. this is just part of Sadie's portrayal of Uncomfortable Vulnerable Max, and Max is just that way a whole lot more in 4 than in prior seasons due to being depressed.

still, the end result is Max having her most important conversations with limited visual emotional cues from the other person - a trend that will obviously continue if she's blind.

relatedly, Max was able to deliver two deeply emotional and personal monologues (a supremely uncomfortable task for her) no doubt aided by the fact that her audience wasn't there to make eye contact with:

and like I've talked about before, right after her first Vecna survival, Max grabs and holds Lucas, and hears/responds to him, but it always struck me as weird that at NO point in this scene does she look at anyone:

hm.

relying on her friends' sight

thanks to the visions, Max is starting to find her sense of sight unreliable. so although nothing is currently wrong with her eyes, this puts her in a position where she's already learning to stop relying solely on her own sight, and to consult with her friends and listen to what they say they're seeing when she's unsure.

which she'll be doing a lot more of if she's blind.

not to mention the big plan with Lucas - his whole job is to keep an eye on her and "call in Kate Bush" when it gets too dangerous. so, literally trusting her life to his sight and her hearing.

losing her sight

in the end of course we arrive at literal blindness. Max can't see or feel anything but apparently can hear Lucas.

not sure what to make of potential paralysis (I don't think they'd both permanently blind and paralyze her) but that's where we stand now - with hearing as Max's last known working sense.

which is why we end on Lucas reading to her in hopes that she can hear it. if Max does wake up blind, you can bet that being read to will become one of her primary sources of entertainment. I could totally imagine Max not being ready to withstand a lot of heavy personal conversation, but still wanting to take comfort in her friends' voices.

anyway. losing her sight would be devastating of course, but I like that they've had Max placing major value on her hearing while she still has her sight instead of leaving the entirety of the conversation for when she's blind. and I like that they've had Max already start learning to trust those around her for support.

[eddiegettingshot]

just thinking about this season and like. the complete lack of small calls in the second half of it. and how that affected the story telling. because like imagine the kim plot but instead of eddie being the only one to see her he encounters her on a call. when his whole family is there. and instead of eddie going back to see her we get the 118 checking to make sure hes fine. eddie distracted a bit on other calls. actual conversations on whether hes moved on from shannon or not. something that actually would have worked in 3 episodes of run time. instead we get the zaney vertigo plot that results in chris being so mad at eddie he feels he has to leave LA. this could have worked with amir too. let the 118 save him on a call and amir sees the turnouts and figures out its bobby leading to the AA scene / the bobbysode. then leading to bobby dealing with his grief about the fires and lean more into the fact that he was clearly suicidal in 7x09 instead of just doing a weird depressing montage about it. and have the finale being the 118 supporting bobby needing help after he spent the whole season supporting everyone else (athena in the cruise, married madney, eddie catholic guilt, hen with mara, and the buck locker room convo). and in doing this we cut like 30min of amir content and most of the finale so this also probably would have left more room to explore shannon properly with chris, and set up enough time for henren to get mara back this season, and maybe they would have even had time to spare for some actual bucktommy development. sigh

yep lol.

[66sharkteeth]

Heads up another depressed rant lol

I just wish I had known how much webtoon was going to abandon most of its creators when I signed a few years ago. If I had, I would have pushed my SM so much more back when they still valued my series so maybe I could let more than 30% of my audience know it’s back.

I’m not exaggerating at all when I say the fallout of that terrible return last month had devastated my finances. My fast pass revenue is literally cut in half from before the break. I love my new little apartment so much but I don’t know how much longer I can afford it. I didn’t account for my income to be cut literally in half.

Because every break before this my revenue actually increased. Thanks to proper promotion to past returns WT used to give series, I always regained my audience, and actually saw increasing FP profits the past 2 seasons.

I expected a decline for this return to be clear- the series has been in a slow arc and the episode count is getting up there. But my FP revenue is insanely consistent. It’s one of the few things I’m proud of. X% has always fast passes at minimum (sorry can’t share actual number ofc). Even during past slow periods, that X% has always been consistent. But ever since this last return that received 0 promo, that X% that has basically remained consistent for 4 seasons across 4 years has been cut by almost exactly 50% despite this being my shortest break ever. This decrease has nothing to do with a slow spot in the story or the episode count getting too high. It is because half my readers still don’t know it’s back from lack of promotion. And I’m probably not gonna be able to afford my new home much longer because of it. I can’t share numbers but my series use to be profitable. Idk if it is anymore. But literally all past experiences and records show it would be if readers were just aware that it was back.

I wish I got my social media to blow up when my comic was still kind of popular. Because it’s the only way to promote your webtoon original series now. Webtoon doesn’t do it for you, they expect you to. And if you don’t have the social media to advertise it yourself… then just say good bye to any success your series had.

[leggerefiore]

tax season is coming soon and I just want depressed salary man to tell me its gonna be alright, or have spaceman do tax evasion for me, because let's be honest, trying to create a new world costs MONEY 😭

Larry ever so sweetly offers to do your taxes alongside his. He already fills out countless forms at work, what's another out of love? Watch Larry in his element get you through it all with no issue. It is the least he can do to pay back all the time he's away at work. Rest assured, your tax saviour wears a bland suit and a sky tie.

Cyrus is the type to pay his taxes. Look at him. He would also probably do it for his partner or has whoever handles accounting at his company do it. (It's Saturn, probably.) He hates bringing any unwanted attention onto his group, sadly, but at least he makes it less painful. (Also, Team Galactic is probably a massive money sink for Cyrus, so who knows.)

Ingo and Emmet would also help. Though, granted, Ingo is better at it than Emmet is. But, Ingo always checks Emmet's work, so either way you are good. Ingo is just happy to be of use.

However… I believe a certain morally ambiguous scientist might be able to aid in escaping taxes should that be your path chosen, lol. (Or Giovanni. Or Ghetsis. Maybe Lysandre? Lysandre seems like he abuses the system to avoid paying them rather than outright like… committing evasion.)

[mysteriouslybluepirate]

Just did a rewatch of OFMD S2 Eps 6/7 and: (Yes, it DEFINITELY got better)

*All pacing issues and some cast being in scenes when others aren't is the fault of the studios being cheap and not the writers/creators. :) Flying the cast to New Zealand + housing them for filming meant some crew just couldn't be there (Fang, Roach, Olu) or mostly written out (Buttons, Swede).

The reason this season feels *weird* is just that. It is not the fault of the actors or any of the workers in New Zealand who got jobs because they were the cheaper, nonunion, option.

I was mainly mad due to some pacing things that, after I thought about it, I don't think *I* was ready for them to make jokes about, if that makes sense. Izzy is such a personal character for me that some of the stuff they joke about just...hits.

*While the show kind of blowing off Izzy's repressed feelings for Ed did originally piss me off (the 'jealous' comment from Ed in ep 7 especially), reframing the scenes as Izzy letting himself mourn this and seeing how easily he lets Ed go does make me happy. He will love Ed. That's just a fact. But he is not his relationship with Ed he is defined by what he does with it. Yes, they can joke about it. Izzy has probably defined their relationship as something that just can't happen. Either by thinking Ed could never love him or that Ed never cared. Izzy knew Ed's attention was always fleeting and MAYBE that's some BS way we can say eps 5, 6, and 7 happened within a few days of each other. Because...if Izzy is just repressing everything again. I swear. This show will not give me the polycule I want.

*Stede and Izzy work so fucking well as friends. Like. Izzy knows how Stede will use the bar as validation and is READY to fight for him. Stede knows Izzy will stand to fight with him. The way Izzy looks so DONE when Stede starts to fight? Izzy just lost Ed god damn it. That, and the thigh grab will be in my head forever... stizzy fans also win.

*Imagine having sex with the only person you've ever loved and they ditch the next day. Add that to Stede's own insecurities and it's like the writers had a checklist on how to break Stede Bonnet.

*Ed is leaving a manic period (started maybe ep 2), and entering a depressive period in episode 6 where he remembers 'oh yeah, I fucking hate pirating'.

*Both Stede and Ed want very different things in life and this conflict was always going to happen. But at the begining of ep 6 we see Ed replaying the abuse he's caused/experienced. He's mentally framing himself as a hazard. Stede enjoys the life Ed is desperately running from. This is why Izzy is so quick to grab Stede I think. To help him understand that Ed is just...a complicated man.

*Izzy was right about Ed needing to give Stede some time to sit with the death of Ned Low. Ed barging in allowed Stede to put his negative feelings into something positive, not fully allowing him to process his actions. Ed then uses their first time as an excuse to run away.

*Izzy is hot in both episodes :) End note. But for me, the reason the Drag scene felt weird on first watch is just that I can't read half the cast's face soemtimes. Its a me thing. On this rewatch I noticed them cheering and generally being more supportive, lol.

*I wish we got to see Izzy putting the drag makeup on. Even just a line of concealer. Putting on the character he'd embody for the night. Drag is such a practice of self realizion and community. I wish we got to see Izzy staring at himself, applying the mark on his face that he clearly loves so much.

*The concept of Ned Low- A vicious torture-focused pirate, sadly was handled like a minor inconvenience, and... while I like the masochism joke from Izzy, and the implications for Stede's arc, he felt weird and out of place. Like. Instead of tying Low's bad management to something like the Navy, why not the Kraken? The stuff was there for it. Show how shitty working on a ship that prioritizes violence is, and mirror it with Ed's growth.

*I love the ship design for Ep 6 so much.

*The Ed&Izzy apology still bugs me but I have hope Izzy and Ed will talk it out a bit more after talks with some of the lovelies online

*I love the crew but acknowledge that this season has shafted a lot of stories. Clearly, the writers did what they could.

*Izzy's 'love interest' this season is clearly just the 'community/self' and finding comfort in humanity again...its so GOOD.

*Izzy casually making sex jokes is so weird. Like a coworker you've known for a few years that finally starts talking shit with you on the job. It feels weird to me now, but I also write him like this? So it's a lot of wires crossing in my mind. Like...he FUCKS!

*Same with Izzy smiling. It feels wrong in the best way. Again, I wish we had ONE MORE episode of Izzy being in the middle of healing, but this more self-realized Izzy is lovely to watch.

*They changed the gender of the song Izzy sings so he's singing about a man. I will not be normal about this.

*I'm so happy I caught Izzy's hand being that FUCKING HIGH on Stede's inner leg first watch. It's changed me. Izzy really said 'When the dogs are away the cats are out to play' and POUNCED.

*I didn't catch Izzy pointedly calling Stede captain until I saw it online and now I love it. Stede adopted the stray cat and god damn he'll stay loyal until the day he dies.

*Spoilers for the teaser: If the series Ends and Izzy is in solitary confinement/Izzy is locked away from the others I will scream

*"Hiya, Boys" I LOVE HIM. Izzy confidently grinning and being a prick is my favorite.

*izzy loving Ed enough to let him go is just....so tragic and good. Especially since we know Ed just tried to hold izzy closer in s1

[muniimyg]

just read the tags on your last ask and caught something interesting 😭

how does your therapist feel about your fanfics only if you are comfortable sharing that or you can ignore this ask!

Asking cause I used to write fanfics when I was like 15-19 years and I’m not that old (I’m 23 now😭🔫) yet but yeah have lost touch with my that side and considered telling my therapist about this..

anyway thank you and I love your fics!!

tw: anxiety & depression

she hasn’t read them or anything LOL but we jus talked abt how i use writing fanfics to help me process what i’m going thru as well as mapping out different perspectives… we’ve never discussed it in detail but she thinks it’s a healthy hobby for me. to be fair, she knows i’m delusional and aspire to marry yoongi so 😀

anyways..

because of the relationships i’ve grown up around,, i struggled a lot with communicating and dependency. also think that because of my anxiety and depression,, i’ve always found art in different mediums to be a great way to express and cope with the trauma or triggers i have. writing, as cliché as it sounds, has always been the greatest form of escape for me. it’s ironic cos as much as i use it to escape, i’ve also never been more found when i write 😍🤞🏽

also,, i’ve been writing fanfics for a while (but i only got decent at it now) since i was 12 actually…

on quotev,,, harry styles ofc…

then on wattpad for 5sos… i wrote a fanfic called 50 reasons why i won’t go out with you and my username was like cth-bluez or smt LOL

i stopped writing from 2016-2021 and then picked it up again when i got into bts and it was covid times! (my writing was HORRIBLE btw…) so its been 4ish years back in it and it’s been……. funny

we’re the same age btw! so we’ve lived the same amount of years and therefore i don’t have much to say about it.. except for the fact that i understand and see you. regardless if it’s burnout or not having enough time; writing is hard. getting back into it is hard !!! so to me,, to even think about writing again,,, is enough and i can’t wait for whatever stories you have to share with the world 🌟

not to be all sentimental but HAHAA i think my writing speaks for itself in terms of passion and growth. i’ve stressed abt updates, i’ve hated my own characters, i’ve had sleepless nights for writing concepts that got like 13 notes … i’ve had seasons of silence where it felt like i was jus writing to an empty crowd (which i truly was),,, but things change and before you know it you have strangers asking you about your writing journey 😹 don’t get me wrong,, there are definitely things that i’ve posted and absolutely hate atm,, and there are things that i think are my pride and joy… but that’s jus what it is. writing and its complexity of being everything and nothing to you all at once 🫶🏻

i think you should tell your therapist abt it! sometimes it’s nice to speak about the things we love(d) and lost in the past. you never know.. maybe it’s time to begin again :) yk what they sayyyyyyy

do it scared, do it tired, do it broke, do it alone, do it unsure, but do it anyway and then do it again

[brb-on-a-quest]

DAY EIGHT

(hi, remember that if you guys have any ideas for questions I can use, you all can feel free to drop them in my box! not running out of inspiration yet, but its cool to have a wide variety of questions that I might not think of otherwise!)

~season edition~

what season are you living in right now?

what do you like most about it?

what do you like least about it?

what is your favorite season and why? (if it isn't the one you're already living in now lol)

what is your least favorite season and why? (if it isn't the one you're already living in now lol)

if there was one thing you could add/take away/change about 1 season of the year, what would it be and why?

and finally, what are some of your favorite local plants that go with each season? (example: spring-daffodils, summer-roses, fall-sunflowers, winter-evergreen) (can be any plants too, not just flowers)

Most people have Seasonal depressive disorder in the winter when everything is cold and dark and dreary. Mine hits a lot more in the summer (sigh. its summer). There are some good things about it. I like not doing homework, but there's a lot of.... added relationship stresses that get strained during the summer that is sometimes very not fun. I tend to put myself in situations and then don't actually have the backbone to defend myself from situations or making it unnecessarily harder than it needs to be. That being said, I love seeing the irl bestie (would simply not come home if it weren't for her and be looking for more work up near school) and my littlest sister is amazing to say the least.

Favorite season? I have a feeling that will change soon as I finally "get adulted" and graduated and need to move out of house and home but right now i am so much a winter and fall (particularly fall) kind of person because I am not, have never been built for heat and get very much sick in it if I'm out for Too Long in It (like now *cries*).

If I could cahnge/takeaway I'd make summer less hot so I don't get as sick which would remove a lot of summer hatred ("But Birb you could just move to like someplace cold like alaska") But then there's snow all the time And Driving In the Snow is a nightmare and I don't want to do that either (nah, i just have very little practice because do not drive as much as I should because don't normally do much during the summer and during the school year I have no car so friends drive to places; It's just a practice will get over fear of snow driving). If I can't make summer max like 5-10 degrees colder, I'd like snow to be everywhere except the roads (lmao i wish we had snow repellent roads somehow).

(Im cheating and looking up flowers no one can stop me i am too nauseous to rememer things).

spring: crocuses are pretty and bleeding hearts are nostalgic but overall picks are peonies or lilys of the valley (grandma had a bunch of those in the garden).

Summer: asters!! And daisies!! and the black eye susans!! and the coneflower daises (i called them inside out daisies for awhile)

Fall: I think grandma's marigolds were fallish? that may be summer and I maybe entirely incorrect but they giveth fall aesthetic.

Winter: we had poinsettias around Christmas times (always in the greenhouse and the cats were never allowed in there) so those ones. The real ones were so much prettier than the plasticky ones but yk beggers can't be choosers.