#maybe its shit worth to be out here
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onsomenewsht · 7 months ago
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from the vault:
but what can I say? / rules must be obeyed
》 The Winner Takes It All, ABBA
》 Alexia Putellas x Reader
》 winner takes all [idiom]: used to say that the winner of a round will win the whole contest
No one looks puzzled when a seven-year-old boy comes rushing into Barcelona’s training centre, some even high fives him or cheers as he passes them at full speed.
Rafael is well known and loved in the building, even more for his joyful personality than for the last name he wears on the back of his jersey.
The kid turns a sharp line to join the team outside. Despite his short legs and his clumsiness in most situations, he has quite control of his footing.
The perks of being Alexia Putellas’ son.
“Looks like our mascotte is back”
“The best Putellas!”
The girls notice him as soon as he sprints from the doors, dribbling around some coaches without much effort, but trampling over a discharged pair of boots. The boy lands hands first on the grass. He takes his time to get up and clean his now stained jeans, quickly assessing the damage and deciding he doesn’t really care.
Jana catches the kid as he comes running once again, lifting him up with a bit more effort than the last time she saw him.
“Jaja put me down, I wanna hug mama!”
“Ouch, I’m not your favourite tia anymore?”
“No, Mapi is”
The girls close enough to hear the exchange burst out laughing, luckily for Jana’s ego and the team’s well being the said defender is not around to brag about it.
“Ohi, mi vida!”
“Mama!”
Hearing Alexia’s voice, Rafael manages to escape the girls’ affection to literally run in her open arms. The hug is emotional even just to watch, his tiny hands holding on the blonde’s neck as she keeps him as close as possible.
“I missed you, monito”
No one wants to interrupt the moment, so your arrival is the perfect distraction.
You excuse yourself and the little troublemaker for crushing the training session to everyone you meet on your path. They assure you it’s fine, you two are always welcome, and today is a special one after all.
A lot of hugs and jokes are exchanged, you take your time to greet all the girls, holding more firmly the honorary daughters Alexia took under her wings ages ago. You missed them.
“My favourite Putellas!”, Claudia shouts as she crushes in your arms.
“You just said that to Rafa”
“He’s the best Putellas, you’re my favourite”
“I’m barely a Putellas anymore”
“I thought you were supposed to arrive tomorrow”, Alexia’s tone is nothing but happy for the change of plan, your boy secured in her arms and quiet for the first time in weeks.
“We were, but it’s your last training session and he wanted to be here”, you move closer, messing your son’s hair as you attempt an awkward half hug.
“Mum said we could surprise you! Are you surprised?”
“I’m surprised, monito”, everyone smiles at Alexia’s open laugh.
Rafael’s arrival completely shifted the atmosphere, somehow making it more emotional but definitely lighter. Jana has been on the verge of tears for days now, hiding behind Patri as the weight of their captain’s retirement comes crushing on them.
It’s the right thing and it’s the right time, but it doesn’t mean it is any easier.
Despite all, despite her family’s fear and her teammates’ concern, Alexia is at peace with the choice. Despite your insecurities, Alexia’s certainty when it comes to important decisions like this one still manages to reassure you.
“Can I go shoot at Cata?”, Rafael asks with his mastered puppy eyes, as you drop your gaze at his stained jeans and the Catalan studies the shoes he’s wearing.
Damn puppy eyes.
“You can go, but make sure an actual adult is there too”
“Is Mapi an actual adult?”
“No, ask Ingrid or Rolfo if they want to join”, you add.
He nods enthusiastically, sprinting away toward the bubble of players who are more than happy to welcome the kid as the training session ends on a high note. You’re sure it will be difficult to interrupt their game later.
It’s easy to notice the two of you are left alone, her teammates giving you space but mostly eager to spend more time with your son.
“He just wants to score”
“We’re working on his selfishness with the ball, I swear”
You smile at the blonde soft defence, still amazed about their bond and how considerate she has been about Rafael’s passion for football. Never pressuring, never patronising, always just as supporting as any other parent could be.
“Thank you for bringing him here, I know you’re supposed to be in London for the week and I really appreciate your support”
“Don’t even mention it, Alexia”, you reassure her, “It’s important for you and It’s important for him, I’m more than happy to support it all”
“How long are you staying?”
“Just a couple of days, but we’ll be at any ceremony, don’t worry”
Alexia mumbles unamused, pretending the presence of her family alone is not enough to make her comfortable and confident to face all the events she’s supposed to attend as a celebration of her career.
“He can stay longer, I’ll be back when it’s my turn again”
“Are you sure?”, she is not really able to hide her excitement.
The new and strange routine is just starting to feel like it’s working in the first place, even if dividing a kid between two countries and two parents who didn’t manage to save their marriage is the most painful thing you both ever experienced.
Neither of you wants to upset Rafael and destabilise him even more, or worse, make him feel unloved.
“I’m sure, he’s the winner”
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xenomorphicdna · 1 year ago
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@aluminum-angels i made an entire doodle page just to prove a point
Their relationships do not fail, they get along just fine and they love each other very much
Peace and love among my rw ocs
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crescentfool · 1 year ago
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a compilation of sillie notebook doodles... i think drawing without giving a shit is very refreshing...
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goodhickey · 6 months ago
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don't ever look at popular social media personalities opinions on or check the tags related to a movie explicitly about the queer experience Worst mistake of my life. every single time a queer movie has gotten popular cishet people come out in droves to posit that Actually, my interpretation of the film where instead of being weird faggots everyone is normal is Just as valid as your stupid gay interpretation . and I'm meant to be like yeah okay
#yes i saw todd in the shadows tweet about i saw the tv glow yes im mad about it#for someone whose entire career spanning over a decade is built upon scrutinizing art#youd think he wouldnt have maybe the most dense idiotic take on this explicitly trans movie that ive ever seen in my life#“what if the curtains are just blue” type shit. never graduated from picture books type of reading comprehension#and i LIKE his videos and i have for years. this shit was just maybe the dumbest thing hes ever said#and i feel like since hes an out and proud lefty guy that people give him too much slack for very much still being white and cishet#not that those are things to be ashamed of but they do obviously color his opinions and the things he says#and for what its worth heres your obligatory reminder that this post is hyperbole lest anyone be offended#that im mocking their favorite internet personality. i guess#can we not just have literally a single thing that belongs to us. must we always cede ground to allowing alternative interpretations#to art that is explicitly about us.#god forbid. GOD FORBID anything not be for the majority audience. GOD FORBID anything be made by us for us#and GOD FORBID anyone ever have to admit that they just fundamentally cant relate to something that isnt about them#whatever i will probably delete this later because im not like a “discourse account”#and im mostly just ranting about a singular interaction i saw on twitter#but a lot of people have been having horrible opinions about this movie and its making me evil#through the teeth#i saw the tv glow
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devilsskettle · 7 months ago
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i feel like i’ve been WAITING for the other shoe to drop wrt people’s opinions about watcher for this very reason. not that i think the reaction is completely not understandable but the greater the parasocial relationship, the greater the fallout as soon as public opinion shifts. you don’t have a relationship with these people they’re just content creators, chill
#ready to see all the people coming out of the woodwork to say how they’ve never liked watcher/unsolved/etc#and act like it’s ‘cringe’ now that their fanbase feels ‘betrayed’#it’s great to have a fanbase but parasocial relationships will bite you in the ass every single time#it’s interesting too though because i’ve seen watcher have a LOT of support as they’ve tried to build something separate from buzzfeed#so this is the first time they’re getting real pushback about a decision they’ve made wrt shifting their platform/expanding their brand#so ig we’ll have to see how they react moving forward#but it’s soooo interesting to see how enthusiastically people dump on buzzfeed#AND how many people dump on youtube and how over the years so much of its functionality has been stripped away#how many ads you have to sit through. how much sponsored content there is now. etc#but when they try to do the same thing with youtube that they did with buzzfeed it’s like how dare you not lick their boots#because if you lick their boots and we lick their boots we can watch stuff for free#anyway.#even if you don’t any to say it’s a bad business decision. it’s not like there’s not precedent for it#1) the move away from buzzfeed was successful and 2) what about the dnd shows or whatever#don’t you guys watch those dnd shows that are ‘behind a paywall’#don’t you guys have netflix hulu disney hbo amazon etc ad nauseum that are actually owned by billion dollar corporations#don’t you guys get on your high horses about supporting independent artists all the time#it’s interesting that people will profess to be such big fans!!! and feel like they’re friends!!!!#but how dare they think their work might be worth paying for#idk. idk. it’s entitlement though#sorry for the rant i’m ALSO not trying to blindly defend a bunch of people i don’t know#but you guys are being soooo fucking annoying about it lol#anyway i’m still waiting to see what their response is going to be from here before jumping to conclusions#also to be fair i am biased to be lenient about decisions made by independent filmmakers vs big studios etc#like everybody freaking out about the ai art used in late night with the devil. who cares honestly#‘they should’ve paid a real artist!!’ idk maybe their budget didn’t cover that#i don’t want it to become the industry norm but at the end of the day i would rather see indie shit getting made then only seeing#the big studios (who don’t have equitable practices anyway!!) making shit#but that’s another conversation. just to be transparent about my viewpoint on this kind of thing#maybe controversial but also can’t we have nuance. for once.
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bugcadaver · 1 month ago
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i just wanna read but my options in this house r either 1) my room, which is nice n private but only has my bed to sit on, or more preferable The Floor, or 2) the front room, which has a comfy chair n lamp set up, but family come in n out of which is extremely distracting
if i wanna b able to read more than a sentence at a time it's gotta be my room But i'll probably b too uncomfy to focus anyway.. bleeehh
also this house is So unfriendly to device use, which ig is good. every room has massive windows so bright sun all day, n all the blinds/curtains got torn down but not replaced. plus all the window settings r rotted or filled w asbestos so its not worth putting new ones up atm
i moved in in august n the idea was have the house liveable by xmas but lol @ that happening. obvs i can't fix anything myself or organise getting some1 to do it.. the fam's gotta take out loans to repair the house 2 sell it but everyone's got 100 other things to deal with first.. i'm just here helping keep the place sort of tidy in the meantime. god i'm already sick of it tho, the 2 months not paying rent have been nice but id like my own space asap
(...gotta find a new roommate, gotta find an affordable apartment somewhere i can get to work)...aiya.. i just want like a 1bedroom house out of the city, man
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sieglinde-freud · 5 months ago
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oooh for the ask...kagetsu perhaps
hi anon ty for the ask :) i miss this guy havent played engage in a SECOND wow…
How I feel about this character
i lovoovee this guy… of the non solm characters hes probably one of my favs probably right up there with like. alear. though i guess hes from solm by birth so maybe this isnt surprising in the slightest. he also carried me pretty hard along with the pan siblings in my first run and on my maddening run (that i. havent played in like a year) he was doing pretty well! we beef a little bit because he failed to dodge like five 20% hits in endgame but. whatever. also khoi dao was brilliant casting… i really like the guy as albedo (SORRY G*NSHIN MENTION I KNOW) and nils so it was nice to see him have a bigger fire emblem role :)
All the people I ship romantically with this character
im a BIGGGG fan of poly ivy/kagetsu/zelkov thats my favorite. but i’ll also take ivy/kagetsu or zelkov/kagetsu im really down with either. also there was this one fic with him and pandreo i thought was excellent and im actually really sad they never got supports… the potential was there!!!
Non-romantic OTP for this character
is it a cop out to say ivy trio again… i like them in anyway i can get them romantic platonic some secret third thing i dont really care theyre my favs… but i also like the idea of hortensia looking up to kagetsu. everyone in elusia is so fucking weird and sad all the time… lets go hang out with this guy whos physically incapable of frowning for a bit i think itd help her out. plus pre-canon kagetsu probably needs a friend
Unpopular opinion about this character
i tried wyvern rider for him for maddening and i didnt like it i think its a boring way to play him.
One thing I wish had happened in canon
sloppy makeout with pandreo
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not to be a colossal fucking cowabummer about everything but it really does suck that like. my really chill and like. supposedly more realistic type of career goal feels about as unattainable as like a kid saying he wants to be a singer or something
#kazoo noises#like yeah this was supposed to be a job i COULD get. i thought bc like. i was going into the field bc i loved the work and not bc i couldnt#make it into academia (fuck u alt-ac term users yall are snobs) id like maybe be able to cobble it together bc like. im good at doing work.#i can usually make something happen and i got a good attitude. but jesus ive got one year left and every job app comes back negative if the#even bother to respond#like idk man. i knew iwasnt gonna be making money or shit and i knew it was gonna be rough but like. everyone else i meet already has a gig#or at least like gig adjacent. volunteer or field experience or internship and like. i cant get anything to stick. its not like ive done#nothing either? ive worked extensively with small scale exhibition design. i have worked extensively with special collections libraries.#i have literal years worth of research experience from college. i have an entirely customer service based resume thats not academic so i#can handle a patron (and crucially different from my peers: I WANT TO)#i can organize. i can write and design labels. i can communicate. i can handle special collections objects. i can make ANY microfilm reader#work for me even when it doesnt want to#and im not saying my classmates arent qualified. but like. surely this has to amount to something. i have been so stupidly lucky#to have even half the experiences i do. i have variety in my degree that even some of my classmates would kill for i think. i did. so much.#i have had so many advantages and i like to think i use them well and that i am grateful for them. but why cant i make that shit connect???#my resume is good. im reliable. i want to work more than anything. so why cant i get a call back???#legitimately how much longer do i get to keep telling myself i a not the common denominator here#sorry for diary posting but im prepping to walk to the house tour and planning what job apps i can fill out when i get back and literally.#just like. why do i bother. i should have just held my nose and done the online only program in state. i'd probably spend less time rotting#god being 23 fucking sucks. it is going to be better. im literally just barely an adult. this cant be it and it wont be it. but jesus. i go#over having to beg for a rejection letter about ten months ago when i still felt like i had a shot at these experiences
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rubberbandballqueen · 11 months ago
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About your tags: is there more that you can share about the OW fandom and fics? This was a phenomenon I wonder about too. It was one of the most popular fandoms around 2017-2018, but the way the fandom stopped on its tracks around 2019 was hard not to notice. Especially from people who didn't play the game but were aware of it's fandom.
oh! overwatch is one of about 50-ish fandoms i track for this one spreadsheet project i do as a hobby (which i Technically blog about @fandom-data-scientist, but i've been too lazy to do a proper writeup to explain what the hell it is i do), wherein i try to answer the age-old question: when did the weebs move to ao3?
(the answer is late 2015/early 2016. most likely this was in large part a result of undertale and sports anime, but that's currently just my own conjecture)
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According To My Research(tm), the overwatch fandom peaked in late 2016/early 2017 when it comes to the number of new fics posted per month. after this, it declined quite rapidly, as it didn't even get to enjoy a plateau period.
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(there's a reason why the plots are really wonky towards the end of this graph-- it's bc i found the past dates for number of fics archived to a particular site via the wayback machine. since those snapshots are typically bot crawls, the number of fics shown on the fandoms listings will not include fics that have been archive-locked. although i technically started this project in august 2022, i did not add overwatch to my tracking list until this june/july or so. my current guess for the small uptick in the rate of ow fics published to ao3 in october 2022 is that the sequel came out? and then the rate plunged for january 2023 bc of the ai scraping scare that happened at around that time-- nearly every single fandom i track had a significant drop right then bc everyone was archive-locking their fics. the rate shooting up in like july 2023 on this chart is bc like i said, that's when i added ow to my list of tracked fandoms; because i'm logged into my own ao3 acct when checking these numbers live, i get access to the archive-locked fics and so the display number goes up.)
in my experience, fandoms will generally kind of plateau in their fic production after their peak, which will ofc normally gradually taper off. games that receive regular lore or story updates probably have fairly long or stable plateaus, although i haven't made scatterplots or made any comparing analyses to prove this rigorously. this plateau period generally represents a time of fandom stability as the fair-weather, casual, or migratory slash fans run off to the next big thing.
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if we ignore the fact the plague and quarantine happened, we can see a nice, steady, and very consistent plateau period for the danganronpa fandom from about 2018-2020!
let's look at an older fandom, like my archnemesis final fantasy:
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granted, the ao3 numbers are kind of all over the place these days, but you kind of get my point by now, right? that healthy fandoms tend to plateau as the wind carries away the faintly-interested and leaves the long-haulers behind to form their communities.
overwatch struck me as unusual when i was on one of my long wayback machine trips because of the way there was a net increase of only two fics published from 1 july 2021 to 1 october 2021, when before then it had usually been in the hundreds or so. i then went on a work tangent n googled around n more or less concluded it had Something to do with some kind of scandal with the development company, but otherwise i don't really have any more comments on it hahaha.
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salsflore · 2 years ago
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ummmm
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#oh mika there is beauty in life~ look at your future! everything will be worth it in the end~#my favorite image on this device btw ^#cw negative#cw vent#you know where this is going. apologies my mind is a mess and i really just need to get it out because i find its better than-#-writing a semi formal email to that One (1) emotional support organization and i’m afraid to make a call so#but i just genuinely believe things would be better off if i weren’t alive. a bit of a silly thing to jump to i know but#my tuition fees aren't cheap and i'm not even that great of a student or a daughter or a sister and i-#-have no talents or remarkable feats. i’m not impressive in any way. and i hate hearing shit about how ^_^ its okay! we all have something-#-special about ourselves! for example maybe you have really good hand writing and thats good enough ~ but that doesn't work for me because-#-i have nothing. my handwriting isn't good my singing isn't good i'm not artistically gifted i don't have some random affinity for puzzles-#-i'm not charming or somehow really good at calculation or super creative or a really comforting friend i really have nothing at all#i don’t want to die. i have no plans on doing that sort of thing anytime soon— don’t misunderstand me#i just wholeheartedly believe i don’t deserve to be here anymore not because i’m not loved. i just can’t stand myself and my teenage years-#-feel so long and i'm so fragile how much longer do i have to tolerate. i'm contributing nothing. why should my family have to feed and-#-clothe a burden like me who provides nothing. why should my friends care for someone like me. i’m not really that funny or sweet or great-#-with advice giving or pretty or helpful in any way. why is it that life is genuinely easier for others. what did i do? what can i do?#how much longer must i tolerate this? would you believe me if i said i really did try to change my mindset this time?#i have no one in real life to talk to. therapists are pricey and i don’t think mine was helping me in any way anyways. she was nice though#so every night i sleep hoping i wake up somewhere else. somewhere where i'm happier and i can live all my silly fantasies where i'm a fun-#-and lovely person who has everything she wants and nothing goes wrong ever!!#how much longer must i hang onto the little things. i’m in such an exruciating amount of pain that i want to kill myself without dying? lol#everyone repeats the same stuff. get bit#i can't rely on the joy of having coffee every morning or persevere for the sake of seeing cute cats on insta. nothing will ease the burden
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timeisacephalopod · 1 year ago
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Its real strange when Americans especially (meaning politicians, less citizens but them too sometimes) say socialism doesn't work because how the hell would you even know. Half the shit American politcians describe as socialism isn't socialism, and often they treat those things like the sky will fall if they're implemented (like healthcare. Ignore Canada right above you. Lie about how our system works by telling people you need to wait years to see Drs about life threatening issues when you only get waitlisted for specialists and not for years either, it's generally a few months. Not ideal but not what American politicians say either. Ignore every other country with universal healthcare better than Canada's, which is everyone's, because there's no need to even lie about those after making the country above you look bad for not charging 80K to look at a band-aid, which is somehow an improvement to waitlists like the poor won't just die instead of seeing a dr).
Not to mention the US has invaded so many countries with politics farther left then theirs just to install right wing terrorists and then get mad when some of those terrorists they straight up funded do a 9/11 to them like they have slaughtered thousands to "spread democracy" by overthrowing democratically elected leaders all over the world for being "too socialist" or communist so how do you know socialism doesn't work? If it doesn't it's because America specifically has never allowed it to, like you can't invade every single country that does things mildly different, completely destroy them, and then say "see socialism doesn't work!" like you had nothing to do with the collapse of that system???? It's literally the meme of Eric Andre shooting that guy and being like "how come socialism didn't work!" like they didn't just shoot socialism in the face in cold blood. And also capitalism doesn't need to work at all in any way, efficient or not, for everyone to defend it to the hilt so like ok who cares if socialism works if you don't care that capitalism doesn't and you defend it anyway? Clearly "works" isn't a prerequisite to using that system so that's not even an argument worth bringing up at that point.
#winters ramblings#every time i hear Americans say this but mostly politicians im like ok stop invading EVERYONE#and MAYBE socialism will work like it seems to JUST FINE in denmark!! granted its not a FULLY socialized system theyre still capitalist#obviously. but like you cant i avde everyone and their dog because you hate socialism destroy all their shit and blame SOCIALISM for it#like NO that was american military meddling not anything to do with ANY political system beyond americas like ???#also if other countries have A Thing probably it isnt killing that country. like canadas healthcare DOES suck#its literally the WORST socialized healthcare system in the world like actually. so americans aremt wrong that our system sucks#but NOT FUCKING LIKE THEIRS at least we can GET cancer treatments here no meth cooking needed#our system sucks because not ENOUGH is covered not because NOTHING should be covered#and we should all be at the mercy of 6 healthcare amd insurance companies making money off people dying#still how the fuck can you say socialism does or doesnt do ANYTHING when no one knows what it looks like#in a TON of countries BECAUSE of american meddling they ignore when they shriek about Venezuela#MAYBE if america didnt FUCK EVERYONE AROUND socialism would be just as flawed as capitalism!!#which is allowed to be ALL KINDS OF FUCKED AND FLAWED and no one even CARES but socialism does A ;#*A Bad and suddenly we need to throw it the fuck out. capitalism can employ CHILD SWEAT SHOPS and thats fine#but socialism doesnt work 200% perfect 80 000% of the time and nope it doesnt work lets go back#to using LITERAL SLAVES from prisons thats not a problem worth invading a country about i guess!!
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oliapfel · 2 months ago
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Culinary school is to a real service line the same way College prep in High School is to College
Gives you a false impression on how the "real world" works. The moment you step foot on the line the whole "you have to do everything alone" mindset becomes more a hindrance than culinary school leads you to believe.
Don't get me wrong, I get the need to learn all the individual skills yourself to be more prepared, but they pretend like you have to do a whole menu of varying items completely alone when that's just not the case. You are a team that works together and if one falls behind, the rest are there to help pick up the slack. If the person in charge of omelets is overwhelmed, you take some tasks off their hands.
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oh fuck lovebomb started playing and it set off my fight or flight instincts
#my post#i hear that opening Wom Wom Wom Wom and sit up straight in a cold sweat#i still hear it in my dreams sometimes#i captain chip do solemnly swear to fuck shit up to help those in need and to be the best goddamn pirates anyone has ever seen we need to#get these pirates inside now did we ever get a name for what theyre called the riptide pirates BAAANANANANANANANNANANANANAA hey guys check#this out YES whos laughing now fuckers fuck you ok if anyone can clear the gauntlet its the riptide pirates get to the center of the prison#thats your out we need to hget him out of here is he even still alive its worth a shot BLOW YOU AWAY gillion youre not actually the chosen#one chip i think youre irresponsible and incompetent and honestly youre a danger to everyone around you chip arlins probably dead and you#need to move on and live for yourself and your own destiny jay i think youre ugly and no one will ever love you gillion i think this place#is playing more than one trick on us its not us chip its this place stay back dont make me do this do what you have to hey there little nei#wait a fucking minute wait drey who put you in here it wasnt one of hey brother you have a lot of explaining to do but come and maybe ill#let them go and what if i dont come with you youd rather be a pirate then i will show you what youre up against you wanna take on a pirate#im right here stop please just stop if i come with you will you let them leave we swore an oath chip its gonna be okay discipline them jay#you wanna know my secret so bad chip i convinced the navy to let me go undercover i was just using you i dont care what you were before thi#youre a riptide pirate now what do you really want jay and just say it so i can fight for it i wanna keep adventuring with you guys gill#thats all i want right now jay because you are my duaghter i will give yoy a headstart but when i catch you you will no longer be a daughte#to me just another piratee BAAAHHH gill youre not going down that easy buddy were not leaving you behindAUAGDSHGH jay my anme is jay ferin#co captain of the riptide pirates im gonna trust my friends were gonna fuck shit up im gonna be the best goddamn pirate youve ever seen#i dont doubt it sureshot
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jin-zixun · 3 months ago
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the desire to write glee s6 au fic
vs
the desire to not watch glee s6 which would be an implicit requirement to properly writing s6 au fic
#gonna be real with u im livin there but i have no desire for the back half of glee#i barely have any desire for s3#but hey maybe a terrible idea like rewatching glee would actually uh give me a fresher perspective on the story as a whole#i've been rewatching some of it but uh yeah not. not anywhere close to all of it#...also if i rewatch glee ill start talking about glee more and like... themes and storycraft and shit... in fuckin glee...#spoiler alert i think its bad#and not because of the deliberate absurdism or anything#that's good i actually remember enjoying the glee aesthetic and exaggerated everythings#but it might be interesting to watch it when i'm not actually a teenager anymore#and maybe wonder if glee actually got worse or if i was just younger when the first seasons aired lmao#but between watching 2x06 and 3x13 and none of the other episodes... the contrast is stark af and that's only s3#NBK is so so so good even the other stuff going on is interesting (and kinda fucked up but that's the glee vibes yknow?)#and it sets up kurt's storyline so so well - thematically with the song choices and the acting is superb and the chemistry omg#it almost makes you believe they aren't going to fumble it 20 times at least over the next two seasons#Heart is like... Worth it I guess but it's like all the other promised Karofsky storylines#hyped up in leaks and previews and then fumbled and dropped unceremoniously#...only Heart was out here gaslighting the audience with some revisionism that makes u go 'hmm' esp after just watching NBK#i mean bold words to say about the guy who has been doing that all episode like k but that aside#dave karofsky did not cup kurt's face and go in for a second kiss only for them to call it “hate kissing”#dont worry mr karofsky i heard ur little whimper 😔#...fuck im gonna need a glee tag yall can mute aren't i?#...................2 to 6 business weeks......................
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syyyyyyyyyymgmgmgmgmg
#someone wanna bring me some food while i try to stop the bleeding. i have to cook sonethong#after sanitizing the wound n stuff#im too tired n hungry from blood loss. i dont think ill make it to the fridge to at least drink some water#i have to clean and sanitize all my blood too....#i dont have money to order anything. i do technically but its all cash. i have no bank account. thankfully theres plenty of places in walkin#distance... but i just kinda. i dont. wanna bother.#its not even a grevious wound. i could leave it and be fine if it doesnt get infected. it isnt evem that much thT i lost from that wound. bu#but i do kinda be bleeding various amounts every day. again not huge amounts but im sure all this blood loss is adding up over the years. an#i need to eat something#i dont want to make anything#i dont want to walk to the store and buy something with like8 or so dollars worth of change#... like what do i even want to do here. im not really trying all that hard......#i dont know what i want.#maybe im freaking out over nothing but i know for a fact that the amounts of blood i lose every day are like more or less fine. but for how#much longer tho.#its stupid. i should see a doctor. i finally got all the shit i needed so i can see a doctor. but its been like so lomg. what do i even say#its been so long............................................................................................................................#the most compelling reason i can think of is that i dont wanna deal with mold.#to even BOTHER with cooking that shit....#still
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itsahotsecondafter · 4 months ago
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#vent#posting this here cuz I can’t talk to anyone and writing isnt reliable and i dont wanna do it on main cuz its stupid and i hate this so muc#and the oh we’re having a bad day thing doesn’t work cuz the day went fine we did chores we made pudding we ate we read for a bit#So there’s no reason for this but i just#and i was supposed to make art today cuz im running low on drafts and i wanted to doodle some stuff for peoplebut its not working and#I just hate this stupid feeling so much because it doesn’t make any sense#having a good day and then your brain randomly going hey remember kid no one actually likes you they hang out with you cuz they have to#So stop putting so much stock in yourself you’re barely worth it you don’t even feel like a person is actually supposed to or maybe you do#Maybe you do and you’re just a dramatic attention seeking idiot pretending to be feeling sad and shit out of some misplaced sense of arroga#and honesty yea it doesn’t make sense cuz good childhood good family no history of previous illnesses so it doesn’t make any sense to just#Suddenly feel awful and go hey it mist be the depression you don’t have you sick stupid dramatic moron#You’re the last person to be complaining about shit you’re not the sick one you didn’t undergo severe surgery or anything#what reason do you have to pretend to be overwhelmed or tired or depressed or in pain stop it pinnochio#and then people come in and out and talk to me which is fine I don’t mind but i hate having to figure out what the right reaction to#Match their enthusiasm and interests because if I don’t then im not being entertaining and if im not then what was the point of my audience#and then if im not smiling or reacting like مجردن looking and watching then im being rude and stupid and i just hate it so much#and I can’t even figure out the point cuz there has to be a point or else why the heck was i here anyways and its just#stupid stupid stupid stupid#delwte later#Sorry for the rant#i dont know#will prob delete later#this is so stupid
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