#maybe it'll be fine idk
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Goddd it's just going to get bad again
#i don't know why i ever let myself believe this would be different this time#it never fucking is#i get used I get to play fill in and pretend i matter for a little bit then i get thrown out so whatever#it sucks to care about him so much#i wish i didn't so it didn't hurt so bad#but whatever . its not Technically over but hes already. just focusing on other people so it doesn't matter really#everyone gets what i want but me and thats just how it is I guess#i can't believe i almost tricked myself into thinking it would be different this time#almost tricked myself into thinking i was allowed to want things to but whatever i should've known that by now#maybe it'll be fine idk#i feel like the breakup is coming tho#and i get to start all over again#and i dont get any help#its whatever i cant sleep but jt doesn't matter#not like I'm looking forward to waking up anyway
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a lot of clipping to fix, but hey I got it moving at least! I'll get the Telvanni robe properly physic'd if it's the last thing I do >:0
#last i checked the vanilla hdt clothes on the nexus didn't cover solstheim content#but i wanted to finally learn to do proper hdt bones myself anyway so its fine :)#this was a nightmarish mess before i separated the black underskirt to its own group#now it swishes around nicely and collides without going through the red outer skirt#i still haven't figured out the crouching/sneaking problem where it'll sometimes phase through the thighs like they don't exist#but that seems to happen to other people's outfits too so maybe it's not just mine? idk yet lol#hmmm i think that back flap thing with the gold trim is gonna have to be separated too. it stretches out weirdly :/#also. should the scarf get to move? maybe just the dangling ends?#bc the rest can't really move since there's nothing under the scarf. it's just glued at the edges to the chest of the outfit#which is good bc it's optimized well so the game isn't rendering the neck part of the robes that you don't even see#but I'd have to create new faces on the mesh to fill in the unseen gaps like i did when splitting the skirts up#and also i'm too lazy to map that new fancy chest area and draw out the missing texture with all the telvanni swirls :'(#help me motivation gods#modding stuff#my posts#i want nelly to be able to swish around prettily like anyone else <3#guys deserve some physic'd outfit love too
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ngl i'm being not so normal about blood and wounds rn
#johnny's silly rambles#if anyone is interested to idk bite me or sth maybe rip out some flesh🥺#do i tag this as gore?#nah it'll be fine😌#sry guys
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made a pie chart of asoiaf dragon colors bc I was curious about it ^_^ my verdict is asoiaf is severely lacking in cool dragon designs why's there so much grey/brown/green I need more prettygirls. (I based this off of the books/grrm's descriptions, so vhagar is counted as bronze and vermax is undescribed even tho they're green in hotd. also quicksilver is technically undescribed but I counted her as silver bc of the name)
also heres a version not counting the undescribed ones
#only 2 blue dragons is CRIMINAL#i guess vhagar had bluish green highlights. maybe she counts? idk what grrm means by 'highlights' like are her wings green or is it like#green shine like a pigeon. I assumed it was the second one but I've seen people draw her as the first so. idk#not even one purple one :( purple and gold would slay so hard....#tbh I think asoiaf's just kinda lacking in the dragon department in general#which is fine bc that's not really what I read it for. but I am a dragon enjoyer so I do kinda wish they did more#or at least looked cooler#at least even if hotd starts being shit it'll still have dragons I can go googoogaga at
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tablet died right when i finished that wanda doodle but i still wanna doodle what if i ended it all
#snap chats#'snap thats a bit much dont you think' I KNOW KJARLKFJAR#whatever ill play rivals then ... its fine .... im ok .... i just wanted to draw tonight WHATEVER#i am once again having that 'problem' where Now That I Have Time i want to draw so many things#its so nice being excited to draw and not worrying about stuff i have to draw.... so cool i should have breaks more often vjALKJAKJ#I Want To Draw So Many Things OK PLAN OF ATTACK FOR RN#dont look if you dont want spoilers for what im gonna post in the coming days ..... or.. be disappointed when i dont jvlKAJLK#theyre vague as hell wtf am i on. i never reveal the plots for my drawins...... most of the time... 'plot' such a strong word girl shut up#theyre all comics because i can only draw comics ig idfk i hate myself. but i love cherik ... and thats what theyre all about. ofc.#i already started sketching one so maybe ill finisht aht tomorrow and theeene the other comic i have in mind shoudl Also be short#prob like. a page or two.. if i dont get extra with it..#and then Last One which'll prob take me back into my semester starting that one.....#i keep thinking it'll be a Big Grand Thing and maybe the nsft version but safe for tumblr ...#maybe like a page or two. three maybe.... or four.. idk we'll see#OR DONT HAHAHAHA i should be shot. ok BYYYYEEE im gonna go get shot <- playing marvel rivals
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kinda feel like I haven't been enjoying tennis as much lately :/
#all my faves are kinda flopping#so many players are just like. the worst. and I know more are like that and just quieter about it#and idk. the quality of matches has just been fine#the matteo/kei match in montreal was so good and fun to watch and I was like damn. why don't other matches feel like this#and I'm still like. fully invested in it#like I'm checking scores all the time#but I'm missing my spark that I had just a few months ago#idk. I'm feeling bleh#I wish I was watching great matches all day but the matches have felt so flat#maybe it'll be better when all the top seeds come in#because canada was so weird#this is kinda the first normal big tournament since olympics#I'll stop rambling now
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ughhhhhhhh the doctor's appointment i made for dysautonomia stuff is coming up soon and likeeeee it's not even that big of a deal. sometimes i get really lightheaded when i stand up but like it only happens sporadically so idk if they'll even be able to fully evaluate it 😭 like it's probably a blood pressure drop or something but if i'm normal on the day of my appointment idk if they can check?? i've tried to measure my bp myself and it seems normal but obviously i'm not a doctor, idk what i'm doing. and really it doesn't even happen that often, like... i don't really feel like it's impacting my life much if at all? like okay yeah sometimes i fall but i've never gotten hurt. i'm young and my bones are strong!! and i don't like, pass out, or even lose my balance really, i still have a lot of control over my fall, as long as i end up much closer to the floor my body doesn't care. and i always pick myself back up again smh i thought that was what's important or did all the motivational speakers lie
#helth#i swear to god it's migraine related even though my neuro said migraines don't do that#it's only ever bad when my migraines are also bad#so like if my migraines can be managed then it'll be fine#maybe i have a special kind of migraine that causes dysautonomia smh they should write a paper about me#lou is loud#anyways idk what the point is if it is what i think it is (orthostatic hypotension) bc i don't think you can actually do much about that??#but maybe it's something else idk#apparently there are a lot of dysautonomias with similar symptoms (feel bad when stand)
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it's crazy to me that angsty broody danny™ is as popular as it is in fanon when it's like first off have you even MET danny and secondly SAM EBONY DARK'NESS DEMENTIA RAVEN WAY MANSON IS LITERALLY RIGHT THERE OUT OF ANYONE IN THE TRIO SHE'S THE ONE WHO'S GONNA ACT LIKE THAT OK I NEED MORE OF Y'ALL TO REALIZE THIS
THIS RIGHT HERE IS LITERALLY WHAT SAM VS DANNY WOULD LOOK LIKE ACTUALLY
#sam is the kind of kid who will romanticize her own pain and sadness and chooses to wallow in it#but then tucker and danny are like for the love of god PLS LIGTHEN UP (obviously said from a place of love and concern)#like danny will give other ppl for example sam here good advice like you're not a burden#maybe idk actually talk abt your feelings w me or tuck we're your friends and we care abt you ok <3#but then danny will turn around and ignore/dismiss his own feelings/problems#bc he's like oh i don't wanna burden my friends w my emotional bs so i'm just gonna repress it and one day it'll go away this is fine :)#basically danny doesn't practice what he preaches is what i'm saying#danny phantom#robi rambles
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if they were there they would have been in the garage and we would have seen photos so i truly don't think they were there. they probably couldn't come on such short notice :(
was it short notice or was it him truly not having a fucking clue that this was even a thing because it WASN'T a thing until the media decided to make it a thing 5 days ago
#i just think the whole thing is fucking sus idk what to tell you#i've left the anger stage i've left the sad stage i'm now in the conspiracy stage#NEW CONSPIRACY: there's an info breakdown between rbr and vcarb because they're intentionally going into information lockdown#in an attempt to get checo out without carlos slim intervening again#taking moving in silence to an insane person degree or whatever lol#everything's gonna be fine actually <3 if i keep saying it maybe it'll be true <3#singapore24#answered#anonymous
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anybody else have a food they're allergic to but still eat anyway
#not DEATH deathly but like. allergic#im allergic to shrimp and guac but i still eat it ..#my throat will get itchy and swell and breathing feels more closed#wherever the food touches also swells in bumps but usually only wherever the food makes contact#but yall. it's so good#the food not the swelling lol i have to sip on water while i eat to help gauge the significance of the throat swelling#i can usually eat up to 2 or 3 big shrimps until i hit my ok.. one more and this will hurt me lots#ill probably still be able to breathe but like it'll be an even bigger struggle than it is now#i think im also allergic to this common italian herb thingy anise? but thats fine bcs i dont like it anyways#but grilled SEASONED shrimp is my weakness. i LOVE SHRIMP!!! add some buffalo sauce and my my my..#idk tho my friends hate when i eat shrimp and will moderate my moderation#'ted ure a medical man. u should be against this' i hungry#idk maybe i dhould cold cut endulging in my allergies now b4 it becomes a lifestyle#i remember when i was younger my boss order me chinese food for doing a Lot of open2closes#and i ordered shrimp and lo mein(iLOVEEEE LO MEINN!!! when i was lil i would get PLATEFULS of JUST lo mein)#(id remove the veggies bcs they got in the way of my noodles)#(but now im older and the texture is too much sameness so i get even amount of lo mein and some sorta meat for Balance)#and i ate like a bit then put the rest in the cooler and he was like 'ure not hungry?' and i told him im allergic#and his eyes got real big and he was shouted my full name like a worried parent#i mean i explained my eat 2 then wait for the swelling to die down and eat 2 more till the inability to breathe gets annoying#but he was still anxious and watching me like a hawk#so#maybe.. i shouldnt do this anymore#does anyone else do this if they have the ability to?#perhaps i am dancing with the devil here#the devil wears privilege
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clutching the sink staring at myself in the mirror chanting you're not a hater you're not you can let things pass over and through you it's fine it's okay it's not worth it it's fine
#idk man i'm sorry you think a thing is bad. that's fine or whatever. what DO you like? can you say something beautiful about that instead?#i prommy it'll feel better. you definitely don't need to tag your little hater post with every permutation of the thing you're hating on xo#to be clear this isnt about valid criticism thats whatever. but wah thing bad i don't like it - okay? sorry? find something else you do like#oh shit wait i need to go back to chanting i am being a little hater#but good lord some of you people make it so fucking difficult to not be a little hater. you could maybe also do with not posting sometimes
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You guys ever feel trapped? Yea I'm well-acquainted with the feeling of being trapped.
#*text#talk about unpleasant#sorry for only posting textposts here lately. I Forgot how I use this blog.#Also I'm gonna use this as an excuse to vent in the tags about something that's been bothering me today.#I hate days where it feels like I can't be the same person for even. idk. an hour?#I was gonna say just a general statement of 'I hate how I can't feel like the same person for more than an hour' but then I realized it onl#particularly bothered me today so maybe it's just a sometimes thing. throws hands up in the air I WOUDLN'T KNOW#It's just...nothing I do throughout the day matches. i keep starting new things only to forget about them (or forget how much I cared#about them) and try something else later. resulting in a long line of unfinished stuff and frustration.#I keep trying to come up with new conclusions/solutions to problems I've run through my head a million times already.#problems I didn't know I had or forgot about pop up etc.#I'll be doing fine and then I'll just feel stranded out of nowhere with no idea why and trying to figure out if this is normal for me.#I've felt stranded all day.#it's just ugh. i'm so confused. it's been a day i guess.#all the words i write feel kinda foreign to me sometimes. short term memory problems I guess. ✌️#but also I feel very very locked in a really limited worldview. or just like. my world feels very small like tunnel vision kind of thing an#for that reason it just feels like it'll go on the same forever and ever and ever. which is a very scary thought.#idk if my logical 'well that obviously isn't the case. things will change eventually' rebuttal is good enough to go against it.#so there you go I wrapped it all back to the point of the post: feeling trapped. yayyy#i don't mean to make myself sound so sad and pitiful. usually i'm doing fine and bad things kinda just don't register in my brain#but there are Secret Evil Feelings inside me that I don't even know about and sometimes I like to poke them with a stick.
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The PJO cast all have curly hair. Josh has curly hair. Therefore Josh will join the PJO cast.
#joshua bassett#logical reasoning questions have broken my brain#i just need to keep manifesting it and maybe it'll happen#idk who he'd even play#maybe both stoll brothers idk#i need to sleep probably but it's fine
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I just freaking realized I'm almost done with my associate's degree and I'm like freaking out
#it's great news! Probably!#Idk i didn't realize it and now have to deal with the stress about making an advising appointment to make sure I can like#get the diploma and now i'm stressed because omg where did all the time go??? and what am i gonna do???#it's a creative writing degree so idk maybe that'll help with hiring stuff but omg#kind wanna throw up tho#asdkhfaskjdhfakdjhfaldf#its fiiinnneeee#it'll be fine#cyanbug thoughts#for the void
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Gods when Marina and the Diamonds sang "Could never tell you what happened the day I turned seventeen" like fuck yeah dude me neither I blocked that whole time the fuck out.
#trauma I guess?#but like not really#or maybe yes idk#but like who didn't have a messed up set of teenage years#being a teen is fucking rough#anyway glad we're not 17 anymore#and if you are it's alright it'll be fine I promise#witchblr#witch#green witch#witchcraft#kitchen witch
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Anyways....😭 <- me after listening to the same song for an hour
#I LOVE CHOCOLATE BOX GIRL SO MUCH it may be the best song in tptm for me#Who knows maybe one day i will make that cover and it'll be really shit because idk anything abt music but thats fine#Aough
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