#maybe it would be fine if i was Normal but im not and i cant handle thiiiiiis
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yunazxxx · 19 hours ago
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“you didn’t sleep again?” the red haired girl asked, “you didn’t eat again?” the brunette asked back. — meret manon x lara raj
cw ; angsty fluff, heavy topics (depression, struggles with mental health, feeling alone etc), established relationship (girlfriends), comforting, crying moments but not too many, physical affection (hugging, kissing, hand holding), manon lets lara cry on her shoulder at one point, lara wipes manon's tears at another, mentions of a eating disorder, kinda includes all of the girls, etc maybe
syponosis ; it's been no secret that the girls in katseye have suffered endlessly ever since the release of popstar academy, but even once th other members hate began to slow down it only picked up for manon and lara.
wc ; well over 1.5k
an - i want to first say this again, this story contains a lot of heavy topics if you cant handle that please take care of yourself and i’ll see you on my next update. this story is complete fiction, minus what can be proven as true. majority of this can genuinely take place but we don’t know that for sure if any of these have actually with these girls in specific. p.s not proofread bc im writing this at like 3am ntfm
it was 3:45 am, lara was still up on her phone, scrolling away on social media. she was laying in a fetal position due to how sick she felt, her stomach turned as she read comment after comment about herself. they were everything far from joyful comments, ever since geffen released their documentary the girls have been tormented by the media.
normally, lara wouldn't bother herself with reading every single comment, but on all of her social media that's all she'd see or someone calling her racial slurs or anything under that form of disrespect. lara didn't understand why, it had been so long since that recording, she was closer with everyone now, why was she getting so much hate for a small comment she made about her member, manon?
@larrarajj : are you awake? sent at 4:00 am. the redhead didn't know what to do, megan was asleep and it was too early in the morning for her to put anything on to distract herself, no matter what h tried all she could think about was those comments. lara got easily overwhelmed, unsure what to do with herself or anything.
she felt her heart getting heavy, as her eyes began to well with tears when her phone finally chimed.
@manonmeret : yeah, i am. sent at 4:05 am it was a text from manon, lara knew of her habit of almost never sleeping, espcially due to this endless stress they've been under, not ever given the chance to enjoy being ‘katseye’ because everytime they just breathe, they're getting ridiculed.
@larrarajj : can i come see you? - lara really didn't know what to do with herself at this moment, she felt so anxious it made her uncomfortable. she waited for manon's texts, seeing the bubbles pop up but disappear, then a knock was at her door.
she got off her bed and opened it, seeing manon in her comfort hat and a oversized t-shirt along with shorts. lara couldn't see the girl's face clearly, but her voice spoke enough that she had been crying. lara brought the older inside of her room, and hugged her.
manon could feel lara begin to break down in her arms, manon held her as tigh as she could, rubbing her back, "get it out, it's okay.." manon comforted the girl, it was heartbreaking watching lara suffer the way she was.
lara wouldn't ever talk about how she felt, she would always just isolate, or handle it herself, she'd never ask for help, which affected her girlfriend really bad because she'd always be available to assist lara, however she needed it.
anytime she'd ask if lara was okay, she'd just reply "oh i'm fine" but manon could see her about to break down, she'd bite her lip majority of the time or just nod because she could feel herself about to lose it. lara had her reasons, because yeah what she was getting was terrible, but she also got ahold of what was being said about the other girs, and those really messed her up.
when she did see happy comments about her and the girls, it'd only be about five of them, never including manon because everyone would berate her name ad drag it through the mud like she was nothing, lara wanted to speak out about it so bad, but she couldn't.
it made her feel so guilty, watching manon go through it every single day. as mentioned before, manon stopped sleeping. she was never calm enough to be able to sleep, she always felt so on edge that it fucked with her. manon started spending more money on energy drinks, catching the attention of the other girls.
sophia stopped her one day, seeing the stuff she had bought, asking why did she need so may. manon couldn't lie and say school, her and sophia graduated the same year, she would lie and say practice, or she was buying them for daniela too.
it wasn't like daniea didn't know of manon's habit, she roomed wth her, so obviously she knew. it really concerned daniela, so she began sleeping beside manon or letting manon lay in her bed so she could get a litte bit of sleep but as it got worse, not even that would help her.
manon would be up for hours, just writing in her journal. it wouldn't ever be something specfic, but as you read, you can her spiral mentally. infront of a camera, and seeig her laugh and smile you wouldn't ever guess that this is what she was going through.
lara lifted her head off of manon shoulder, manon just looked ather, with a frown but smile on her face, she looked reassuring, saying to her girlfriend, "you know, it's okay to get it out. we all need to talk to somene about what we're struggiling with." maon said, rubbing her girlfiends's back while she held her hands.
the pair was sitting on the bdnow, lara was fidgeting, but she didn't even know why. "hey, calm down, breathe" manon said gently to the panicked girl, she and lara took a deep breathe together, while manon was calming lara down she felt a tear fall down her face and lara wiped her tear.
lara kissed her cheek, "we're gonna be okay" lara said softly. they stayed with each other for a bit, before the sunrise began. manon took lara to the balcony, they watched the sun rise together. while this happened, lara put her head on manon's shoulder.
"i'm so glad i met you" she said softly, and the brunette nodded, "so am i" and they watched it rise in silence. soon the other girls began to come outof theirrooms, lara and manon began treating this as any other day, manon opening a energy drink while lara grabbed her water and gum, as her "meal for the day"
sophia watched as they did ths, it really made her feel terrible, watching them both sufferthis badly. she knew lara couldn't eat, after reading all of those comments everyday for as long as she would it began to make her so sick she would throw up everytime she ate something to the point where she wouldn't even get hungry.
it began affecting her health terrbly, lara would walk out of her room, she would look tired with bags under her eyes, oversized hoodie on and she'd grab her water then leave again. the most they would ever see of her would be during practice, butshewould get dizzy so easily due to her blood sugar and blood pressure being as low as it would get due to her never gettng enough nutrients.
megan caught on to this, and whenever mega would eat, she would have lara sit next to her and she would feed her older member. to the average person tis may soun ridiculus, but megan watched as lara began to give up on taking care of herself, the same way daniela watched manon.
her and megan did the best they could to help heal them, writing them mall notes and sticking them on their most used devices, notes of motvations, and quotes tha they know, or more hoped, would make them feel better.
overtime, lara and manon got better, it might've been a whole house effort but what mattered was that they started taking care of themselves once again. lara would pick up the habit of sleeping with manon more often, while when manon cooked she would feed lara to make sure she's eating well and would also keep an eye out incase she'd attempt to enduce vomitting.
overtime, things slowly became more normal around the house, lara wouldn't have to be monitorid as often and for manon, she started sleeing better ever since lara started sleeping next to her. even making a joked saying that she really just needed lara so she could feel better.
lara would spend so much more time in their room, that daniela would offer up her bed to lara until she was gone. lara would say it's fine but daniela didn't mind, normally saying she'd go talk to megan or something.
at some point the question was asked, "why didn't you come to me when you felt that way?" manon hd asked her girlfriend, she wasn't attacking her, but was curious what made lara isolate everytime she felt sad or down, "you had your own things to worry about baby, i'd hate to make you worry about more, let alone me" the redhead explained, but the brunette didn't accept it.
"it made me worry more ya'know?" manon said, playing in lara’s hair while the younger's arms were wrapped around her, "i know, didn't mean to though" manon nodded and kissed her head, "i know beautiful, it's okay"
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icarusredwings · 1 day ago
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Oooh hes FUUUCCKKED
Its normal, even common, for Gabs to be on Wades side, shes bassically a mini him, BUT LAURA!?
He's so cooked.
He just starts panicking like "what am I supposed to do!?"
And Laura is like "Maybe stop being a massive dick for starters."
Btw, I know its yucky to think about but I can definitely see Logan snapping at their kids, expecting them to snap back like how Laura and Gabby do, but she has Wade's genetic. She's sensitive. She cries easily and takes everything daddy says straight to the heart because HE'S her personal hero. HE'S her everything. So yes. When her daddy is frustrated with her about reading homework or if her rejection sensitivity is flaring up, and she cries? Logan better fix that shit asap or else Mama bear Wade is coming in the room and he is NOT happy.
Their child would be the type (Or hell, even little Ellie) would be the type to try to 'help' and mess up because of how small they still are. She could he 4 and trying to bring the eggs to daddy because she heard him say he was going to make some for breakfast, only to trip over her own excited little feet and spill them all over the floor. So here she is, covered in raw egg, having just wasted an entire dozen.
"Oops.. I sor-"
"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO!?? WHY!?"
And because of Logan's demeanor she would subconsciously get scared, flinch and start sobbing while standing there, ashamed, obviously upset with herself and now holding herself because daddy yelled at her.
And all Logan hears is how quickly Wade's side of the bed shifts and the opening of his side drawer before he drops down and is like
"Oh, no! Shhh shhs shh Im sorry! I didn't mean it baby, daddys tired, shhhh sh sh sh its alright, w-We'll buy more it's fine. Do you wanna come with daddy to come buy more? You cant carry that many sweetheart, okay? Youre okay. Daddy would never hurt you-" while hugging her and trying to help her clean up the eggs.
Then by the time theyre done, he just looks up to see Wade in his bath robe, pistol in hand with that look of 'Yeah you better fucking fix it' narrowed eyes.
"I got it. I got it." Logan tells him, putting his hand up. "We're gonna go buy more. Go back to bed, Love. I got it. Swear."
So Wade lazily walks back to the room with that 'Damn right you better call me love' type of vibe, yawning and crawling back into bed.
He WILL shoot a hoe and has been stopped from shooting Al several times by now.
So Wade
Thinking about how protective of his kids Wade would be. Like he does not give a fuck. Logan could be a little bit too harsh and make their child cry, and Wade would unload his gun plus an entire SECOND clip into his gut and then put his foot on his throat, lean in, and be like:
"Don't you EVER talk to my fucking kids like that ever again if you want to stay in this house. You're here because I let you be. I don't need you* I can just as easily replace you** and I sure as hell won't let you treat our children like how we were raised. Do I make myself clear?" And if Logan doesn't agree within a certian amount of time, Wade would just shoot him in the head and walk away.
"....Papa?"
"Yes sweetheart?"
"...what happened to daddy?"
"Daddys taking a nap honey. He'll be alright in a couple minutes don't worry baby. Hey are you okay? You know daddy doesn't mean the things he says, right?"
The child nods, wiping tears from their eyes as Wade hugs them and kisses their head. "Daddy wasn't hugged as a kid, that's all. Hey! We should order pizza! Would you like that?"
And they nod softely but are still concerned with the fact that they saw their dad (who by now is sitting up) bleeding out on the floor two seconds ago.
"Oooh, Heeeyyy. Well, mornin' sleepy head! How was your nap. I think you had something to say to you. Don't you, Wolvie?" 😃
"I... uhm... Sorry kiddo.. I- i didnt mean to yell at you like that.."
"Awww! Great! Now we can go to Vinnies as one big happy family! Yaaayy!" 😊
The moral of this story is- Wade Wilson don't play when it comes to his kids.
*lies.
**another lie.
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crabbunch · 4 months ago
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wait. sorry. drags out my little wooden pedestal and stands on it again. could we get a little weirder about platonic relationships too ok thanks.
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what-is-it-to-be-pk-esque · 6 months ago
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My partner finally finished BG3 but has no idea that his ending was actually bad cause he was a pro-Vlaakith githyanki who rode off with Lae'zel but got NO EPILOGUE where Withers points out y'all died im 😭😭😭
they have no idea what happened with Gale or anyone else (who was still alive) after flying away 🙃🙃🙃
#i cant even tell him cause hes gonna play again more “normally”#its so tragic he would like skip dialogue and just fight to get the jump on boss battles instead of waiting for the cutscenes to start#and he didn't exhaust dialogue trees!! like... how... why...#and also he staked Astarion 😭 and p much never reloaded#and didn't clear the shadow curse so no Halsin#also everyone at Last Light Inn died so Dammon was gone and Karlach only got 2 upgrades#and he didnt know moonrise towers was basically a second town#and his game was buggy a lot maybe? cause he kept trying to be hella creative with things and do things out of order#like killing gortash before doing steel watch 🙃#it's fine it's fine everyone plays differently#he tends to care more about gameplay than anything else but still!!#i just want him to know all the character backstories and see everything that made me emotional#i mean he did say he was sad when Lae'zel broke up with him in act 3 and when Karlach died and when he had Gale use the orb in act 2#which he considered his canon ending :/ sigh#i dont think he got Jaheira's lines about death#and he didnt understand why Karlach wouldn't go back to the hells#and he thought Wyll was happy being the duke (and has NO idea you could save his dad cause the mission didn't happen!! 😭)#the iron throne was like my fave mission outside of killing Cazador and I can't discuss either one cause he didn't do them properly yet 😭😭#he also avoided talking to children so he missed those quests and yenna glitched so no cat appeared in camp 🙃#sighhhhh cannot believe he plays so differently than i do lollll#he didn't even do unlimited kisses with Lae'zel!! meanwhile im over here kissing Astarion every night hahahah#hoping my partner doesn't see IRL if I have the office door open as if it matters lmfaooooo#i need him to play again and see why im in love with a video game character lol#maybe we could both um... benefit from knowing more about all of Astarion's scenes lmao#but like he has NOT SEEN Astarion's silly or sweet side yet just him being a bit of a chaotic vampire#and thinks i like him cause of vampires WRONG!! play the game again and see that i love his silly & sweet real self!#bg3 spoilers#baldur's gate 3 spoilers#bg3#baldur's gate 3
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toytulini · 8 months ago
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god I know this is like The Wrong Stance on AI. I know its not about whether the art is Real and Human or If It Has A Soul and how a lot of the arguments against it are the same bullshit arguments people made against digital art like I Know. I Knowwww. but god, I'm really sorry, not to post like one of those annoying poetry bloggers I cant stand (yall are valid, live your truth, theres nothing wrong with what you post I'm just a petty bitch who hates poetry. unless I dont hate it.)
But theres just something about the way AI art will almost certainly never be able to mimic the exact way my pencil leaves an indentation in the paper, the way some of the lines I can never fully erase cause I pressed too hard, theyll have to at least train them to draw with a physical pencil first, and sure, they could train it to draw with a pencil and even erase the exact same piece I drew, line for line, on a piece of paper with a robot arm powered by AI, but they can't replicate. idk. the lineage of lefty bitches in my family, and the way I grew up going through school with my entire left arm silver with graphite, from doodling on my schoolwork. not yet anyway. but I guess I do live for the day we make the ai sentient enough that we can traumatize it by giving it homework after kneecapping its executive functions so it copes by drawing a big tiddy lobster monster. sure
#toy txt post#reblogs OFF i dont trust yall to be normal with this one i do NOT want it getting notes#i posted part of this before in a chat to a friend but im feeling it again. so#i havent drawn my big tiddy lobster bitch in awhile i should draw her again#also yea SORRY im sure this is The Wrong Feeling To Have About AI but also sometimes im a little grateful that i dont think my style is#smth a lot of the ppl coding ai to make art find to be worth trying to replicate except maybe as like a fake progress shot on a piece#which is smth i used to be really insecure about. how unfinished all my art looks bc it isnt to the point i cant fucking watch#like speedpaints and shit bc i just start feeling stupidly insecure about all the points in the video where I Would Have Stopped and been#like. im not touching it anymore i dont want to ruin it#and ive been insecure about my inability to really do digital art with like a stylus and shit like the way i do it with a pencil#and i know that is just me needing to Practice it but being too frustrated by it#anyway i know its just a Tool and its Fine and the problem is the art theft and the labor problems of it but liiiiiiike#i just.#im sure there will be unique things and usages of ai as a tool and i genuinely hope that ppl can figure out a way to make one that isnr#isnt* just full of stolen content bc theres unique fuckin shit about like digital art programs u can write stupid poetry that you hate#about it. or stupid poetry that i hate. cos im the poetry hater. listen. i cant stress this enough: its fine. youre fine. keep posting your#poetry and reblogging shit that speaks to you. im just a Bitch okay Ignore Me#i should go draw bokrae like. eating a computer about this#the real reason for that graphics card shortage was bokrae ate them all when she was in the mood for a crunchy snack
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girl-bateman · 6 months ago
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Feeling a debilitating sense of dread and despair 🤨 Which probably means nothing😍👍
#girl help i cant get out of bed i feel so so awful for no reason at all#literally my soul is gone or something#i have no desires and no joys and no sense of being blessed#which is crazy bc i love life and im so blessed ! usually.#ig i should do something abt it tomorrow if it doesn't get better#alternatively get back into therapy bc tbh... after that horrible sex thing ive felt kinda off#like even after i was able to eat and sleep and function normally without the tremors and head jerks and whatnot#like its not dramatic anymore but i kinda feel drained of life and joy#moments of genuine happiness and fulfillment are ... ? idk. i did feel happy once this week and that was nice but it didnt last obviously#but like ! im not depressed in a depressed way. i take good care of myself and i read my books and eat food and hang out with friends#i just kinda dont recognise myself ig. i mean i know ill get my spark back but maybe i need some professional help#idk !! it kinda feels very silly tho#like ive been in and out of therapy for more than half of my life. and being one year therapy free was a big step for me !#so going back for this little ridiculous freakout feels like a setback#kinda like im making up things to be wrong with me just so that ill have someone to talk to ? or to have attention idk#it doesn't make sense bc i really was proud for getting bettter and i rly dont want to be in therapy anymore#but who knows 🤷‍♀️#there is also this slight risk. just clinically speaking by purely looking at symptoms of certain things. with no stake in the matter! lol#that there might be something bad and [lets not think too hard about it] that lies as a root cause of my little mental breakdown#like according to my sex having friends losing your virginity is awful but not THAT awful and not in THAT way#and my friend kinda said i scared her with how i was acting when i talked to her abt it. like my demeanour and body language and whatever#and i do trust her to know whats normal versus concerning when i dont have my own stable grip of reality#plus. if i was an outside party and applied my psych education on myself. i would say its not looking super good#but i cant really do that bc im not some random patient. im me myself and I 😩✋️ thank you#but whatever. itll be fine. tomorrow will be a better day ! yay !
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weyrleaders · 1 year ago
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“i just dont know what to do” SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELLLLLLP
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good-death-for-the-lonely · 2 years ago
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tumblr pls dont show me hate-comics for my comfort chara/ship... T~T)
also why do ppl tag their hate stuff in the chara/ship tag...that's just rude...Dont do that (´;︵;`)
#rude ppl...#vent#also if ur gonna just default to the tired 'ugly' line and completely mischaracterize the chara...maybe ur the problem >:'/#hate ppl who make entire content just hating on ppl just for having fun w ships/just for the SIN of liking a fic chara#14 community is bad sometimes :'/#dont do this btw pls. it's really awful#im so so tired#if u see a bad comic in the tags...just block them...#im not saying which tags but u can imagine :'/ what im talking about...#but if u dont like something DONT TAG IT BC PPL WILL SEE IT....unless that was their goal. which is. truly awful...#someone like me really cant see that stuff so now i cant even look at my own comf chara's tags bc of ppl like this... :"(#s i g h#im just gonna stop following the tag...#i hate that theres really no getting away from awful ppl like this...ppl say 14 community is nice but its only if u fit the right boxes#its ok if u like the 'normal' things but the SECOND u like the 'weird' things ppl think its ok to be awful towards u...#and everything says its FINE bc 'well they liked weird thing so they deserved the death threats and hate speech and slurs'#stuff like this will really get someone hurt...#i wish someone would tell that person the damage theyre causing..but obvi they dont care. they wouldnt have tagged it if they cared#ppl like that just want to hurt others :'/ they dont care#i dont want comfort. i just want ppl to be nice to one another. be BETTER to one another#(im gonna go lie down n log off now...)
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volkswagenital · 2 years ago
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tbh these past couple weeks have been really...peaceful. i feel a sense of levity and im a lot more calm typically. i feel really lax and free-feeling now. maybe its just because i love winter, and with things getting consistently cold here i dont have to worry about thermoregulating as much. maybe its my internship. maybe its because things at home have been....moderately normal. its still not great, and far from perfect, and i want out the second i can, but its the closest to normal its ever been. im the closest to normal ive ever been.
#kage rattles#im still not...happy /overall/#i have a lot of issues#and things still like frustrate me etc like im not completely happy 100% of the time bc no one is-#but im doing...okay. fine.#okay maybe 'normal' is not the best word for it#or for ME#but...my trauma and home life are...taking a bit of a back seat lately.#i dont feel as like. consumed by them. as i used to#and i know this wont last forever#i know some dumb shits gonna happen and probably ruin it and things will get worse at home again or something#but- for now- im choosing to enjoy this#ive noticed it in myself. periodically.#i mean...i spoke about something i /never/ speak about semi recently. it took 7 years to be able to just...mention that it happened.#without it being in the context of me having a breakdown.#its still hard. i still cant say his name.#but its...better. much much better.#gives me hope that maybe i can be okay. maybe one day i will be.#maybe...going back to school is closer than i thought. i would certainly like to#NOT like in a months time or something#but maybe sept next yr if my legal stuff is all settled??#it would be. nice :} i think i want to go back#i didnt hate school. never did.#i hate the school SYSTEM. but i like the school enviroment#and taking classes that are geared towards my interests and strengths will be good for me#senior year was really bad but that was because of home#otherwise i was typically a Fine student#go back for some general studies and get my grades up and then go into wherever fits best#thanatology/mortuary science interests me a lot and thats where i want to go most#however my lifelong interest in zoology may just prevail
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inmirova · 2 months ago
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"it's easier to leave an abusive situation than it is to stop an abuser" :^( but it's not easy :^(
#repeating patterns repeating patterns repeating patterns repeating patterns#im not unsafe btw just. :^) scared :^)#tired.#starting to stop walking on eggshells kind of. in a cowardly way. like responding some of my real thoughts but at 4am#i want to scream. im not like that but i want to yell and tell her to leave me alone forever and i just want to be able to rest !#and to not be afraid. i want to move. i want to drop off the face of the earth. i want to go to bed. i want to stay awake and on guard.#idk. im tired. im so tired and i want it to stop. it's not even a big deal.#the thinly veiled insults bother me more than anything else. insult sandwich on compliment bread.#im so pretty im so stupid im so funny. im smart im too insecure im beautiful. im the most interesting person she knows im evil im talented#it's not even the worst thing it just pisses me off so much. do you think this is helpful to say? do you think this is normal?#do you think you'll get what you want insulting and belittling me as long as you tell me you think im attractive?#it's always how pretty i am. like some superficial bullshit is going to make up for an insult or make the insult disappear#and everyone else gets to leave but if i leave she'll die and it'll be all my fault and this is just like x y or z#and didnt i know she almost experienced trauma as a child but didnt? and how that effects her?#fuck. i hope she sees this tbh. how fucking insulting to see something someone's experienced and say that couldve maybe happened to me#but the person who couldve done it lives in another country and never came here.#what the fuck. what the fuck.#so it didnt happen to you? you cant lay claim to it at all? yet you think you understand me or that even if it did happen it's all the same#im going to lose my mind. im so. fucking. over it. but im a coward and i dont want her to die so ill grin and bear it.#and she'll tear out all my skin and ask if it's a little too much and ill say it's fine and she'll say im so gorgeous but i'm disgusting#but at least im kind. and ill say okay. because if i say anything else it's a threat on her fucking life.#tbh im only posting this now bc i know no one will likely read it. perpetual coward when it comes to this shit#because if i tell someone the full extent they'll ask why i didn't leave sooner. but i did!#i left and i got bombarded and overwhelmed and i was so tired of being scared of running into her everywhere#and i just. eased back in. and said it would be less this time. and it is so much more. it is so much worse.#ive lived in that fear before and i was so tired of it. it was a big reason i moved so far for college. and i cant just run away#so this seemed better. but it's so much worse. id rather hide every day of my life. keep an eye out everywhere and run away.#it wasnt so bad really. it was tedious and nauseating and i only ever explained it to one person. but it wasnt impossible.#this is much closer to impossible. this is soul crushing every day. and the things she does arent even as bad i dont think#it just doesnt stop. at least in high school i eventually got it to stop. i just had to be avoidant. this. wont stop.
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phagodyke · 5 months ago
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had a very weird dream the place I worked was in the marine exploration industry and I was presenting a review of a deep sea probe we were retiring and then woke up extremely abruptly bc my body started digging my uterus out with a million tiny blunt spoons YOWIEEEEOWWW
#fuckinghellllll this pain is smth else entirely. trying to be normal abt it bc its 2am and im so tired please let me go back to sleep#filled a hot water bottle so now we wait for that to do its thing and ill take some ibuprofen#ohhhhh just realised i only have 3 ibuprofen capsules left. and a full day of work in 6 hours... chuckles. im in danger ahahaa#fuck me okay ill get up half an hour earlier and go to tesco before i get my bus i think it opens 7am so should just be able to make it#i take it back abt that organ post can i get my reproductive system removed 🥹🥹🥹🥹#it has no right being this bad im not in FUCKING labour GET A GRIP!!!!!#grabbing my tubes and shaking them and shaking them and yanking them out#swear i had more ibuprofen than this where the fuck is it.#so annoying the premier near my work doesnt open until 8:15 bc thats exactly when my shift starts 🙃🙃🙃🙃#wait maybe theres a tesco nearby nvm nah just google mapsed and its barren around there#so i have to go before i get my bus. okay okay thats fine. setting my alarm for 6am. its that or killing myself#it has been. half an hour now is it going to lessen!!!!!!#JUST FOUND ANOTHER PACK IN MY BAG BUT ITS EMPTY THIS IS SO CRUEL......#okay. sorry this is so disjointed im clawjnf at the walls and then i come bacm and type another tag and then i claw some more#im gonna refill my hot water bottle and please let me sleep please i cant do work on so little and also in so much pain#jesus ill see how i feel when i wake up again maybe i should call in sick#so devastating i cant take codeine on these meds bc that was the only thing that helped :-( i need to ask if there are alternatives#or maybe i should go med free while im on my period so i can take it. but idk how long it has to be out of my system to be safe#and i dont want withdrawal ughhhhhh#hate usinf a hot water bottle during the summer its too warm for this. miserable. wait i should dm my flatmate if she can spare a little#ik n she might need it to take on holiday but just enohgh for today would be so good wah#and then i dont have to leave.so super early#okay ill do that then putting phone down so i can try sleeping even with pain pleaseplease#goodnight :-(#.diaries
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waspalisades · 5 months ago
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i thought i looked so pretty and did so good being a person at the big party i went to last night and one unflattering picture of me drunk and unconscious on the floor has shattered the illusion lmao nevermind
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toytulini · 2 years ago
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#toy txt post#i guess i just need to find a different job since this one seems to be. not great for me#but i also like. dont know what wont be bad for me. like sorry i just dont think there are jobs that are accessible to me that arent going#to feel Like This#at least in some way. and this one has good insurance and shit. and if i can get my shit together it has fucking. paid community service#time that i could theoretically use to like. volunteer at the aquarium or smth and have a day off for it and get paid by my job#which could be a foot in the door to a career that i am interested in but im just fucking. stuck and fatigued and in pain and wallowing and#have no fucking energy and i cant do anything and im fucking nocturnal and i joke about it and i was fine with it but i hate it i hate#not seeing the fucking sun and i miss my old job which is INSANE but i know what i miss about that job was#that it was part time. and i regret not doing more with that#but im also allergic to normal hours i guess i dont fucking know#i know part of it is prolly just feeling profoundly out if control of my life so i just stay up bc at least thats quiet time for me#w no expectations but thats not even tru bc i shoukd be at least doing my fucking laundry or smth cos it would make sense#and the fucking answer to so many of my issues rn is like just do that then or just stop doing that then but i cant i dont know why im just#like this ive always been like this stupid useless cant fucking do anything cant fix my shit just fucking wallowing and angry and doing#nothing and its just gotten worse cos now i have fucking chronic pain and fatigue and now i REALLY do FUCKALL#im depressdd and anxious and in pain i should get a therapist but thats hard and i dont fucking trust ppl#i should move out and maybe that would help bc i wouldnt feel like i have to wear a mask around my own house but im barely functioning#as is w a lot of support from my mom i cant fucking live on my own#not to mention the whole country being so fucking. Bad rn. ive done nothing all day not even resting#and tomorrow ill wake up too late and be in a rush and in pain and tired and just#i dont fucking know#im so miserable and lately so many topics can just send my stupid little brain just Spiralling but i dont want to say that i dont want ppl#to feel weird for talking about fucking college. i dont want to sit here being so bitter that something in my brain broke about school#im happy for ppl who can do their fucking college shit i just. smth wrong in my brain and i cant dwell on it and i try not to be too#outwardly negative about it cos i dont want ppl to feel like they cant talk to me about it or smth idk#rambling and venting and im gonna hit tag limit lmao for sure#been having the same goddamn problems nonstop for my whole life and its just that i cant fucking do anything#i have too much shit i should rid of#whatever
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silverislander · 1 year ago
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ok maybe tape binding isnt a great idea for me. sigh
#thats on me i really shouldve researched it more before spending money on it. ill try to do that next time#a bit disappointing tho ngl#if i cant take it off for several days and i have to do this that and the other just to make sure it doesnt rip my skin off. not great#trying to explain why i have oil in the shower (to remove the tape) just isnt gonna work in my house. someone will see and ask questions#maybe ill give it a shot in the fall when i can at least wear a hoodie so nobody asks why im not wearing a bra#levi.txt#also just. damn. i was really hoping i would be able to do smth abt it#the only big kind of dysphoria i get is my chest and i cant do anything abt it really#ive only been able to bind until now by wearing underclothes that are too small for me and that irritates my skin if its day to day#and i cant get a binder bc 1. poor 2. my mom can see my purchases anyway bc of how my bank acct is set up#like yeah i guess theoretically i could look into free programs or whatever locally but. idk i feel like theyre not for me#there has to be someone who really cant afford one and has so much worse dysphoria who really deserves that resource#and id hate to feel like i was taking that from them when i can manage 90% of the time just fine#like. i dont Need it. on the worst days ill feel gross and then the day afterwards im p much back to normal! its not even consistent#i am incredibly lucky i live in a family who love me and that i have minimal non life changing dysphoria to begin with#it would just. be nice#at least to see if it works
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motherforthefamicom · 1 year ago
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lost like allllll my motivation for making art what the fuck =(
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beababoobies · 10 months ago
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ME AGAIN!!! WITH A SAL X READER REQUEST (again) THIS TIME AIDJSJDH. a porn one at that !!!!
i need sal so bad its an actual problem
just like. imagine reader n the gang r havin a little sleepover. and reader is just so inconsolably turned on for some reason (maybe sal had his hand on their thigh when they watched a movie or smthin), so when everyone is asleep they asks sal to help them out :,,,) (his fingers r just so long n pretty,, they cant help but want them lol)
mayb he has to keep them quiet somehow, mayb covers their mouth/puts his fingers in their mouth to muffle them
hes so shy and nervous and awkward but he’s having the time of his life, watching the reader’s reactions. mayb he cant help but get himself off too, too enraptured by the way reader struggles to gasp and whine against his fingers
GOD DAMN.
would love if u wrote this mootie 🫶🏼🫶🏼 no pressure ofc ofc ofc !! (fem bodied reader pls if u dont mind <3!)
(i might write this too, i love my mind sometimes 🙏)
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hey mootie!! Im giving you the fast pass because all the jjk stuff you repost got me into the series and I’m loving it, also cus you’re AMAZING! All characters are aged 20+ because this is based in chapter five of course, please do enjoy! :) (and for everyone waiting for their Hazbin requests to be filled - IT IS COMING! I am a busy woman.) 
Needy - Sal Fisher X Fem!Reader
words : 2k, warnings : SPICAYYYY!!, creampie, fingering, slightly public, needy!sal AND needy!reader, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it guys, c’mon), hold the moan trope
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The entire gang had been having more sleepovers ever since Sal and Todd had found the new house. Larry was moving in so it was just the normal next step, and you loved coming over so much. More specifically to spend time with your boyfriend, but also just to feel like old times again. Even Ash came from the city every once and a while, and this was one of those days.
Since it was Larry’s last day living in the Apartments, you had all agreed to made the most out of that small basement apartment you had spent so much of your awkward teen years in. You had been doing all the same shit you used to all day - smoking in the treehouse, playing card games for hours. 
You and Sal huddled up around his old gamebuddy, playing the games Larry had kept long forgotten in the corners of his room, Larry and Ash painting on a shared canvas, chatting about life while Larry’s old metal mixtapes blasted in the background, and Todd and Neil cuddled up on the beanbag in the corner, occasionally joining in their conversation, but mostly just cuddled up and enjoying each others company. All of this was wonderful, nostalgic - even healing. 
That was all up until Sal quietly suggested you all watched an old horror movie, and you were all huddled together in the dark, you with Sal leaning on your shoulder on your right, and Ash on your left, giggling and nudging you like old times. Larry laid out casually on the floor in front of you all because of how shit his eyes were from years of refusing glasses. Which should’ve been fine.
In fact - it was fine. Until Sal decided it would be a wonderful idea to put his hand on your thigh. Your bare thigh, just below where your miniskirt started. And even that - even that, you could’ve survived with some unwanted heat in your panties. But no, the blue fucker jumped at one of the scenes, hand sliding up the inside of your thigh to accidentally drag your skirt up, his hand knocking against your warm core - hand rubbing up against your clothed clit as he pulled his hand away, and all you could do was pull your hand away from where it was sweetly brushing through Ashley’s hair like you used to do, straight to your face to hide the unbelievably needy whine you would’ve let out.
“you okay?” Ashley whispers softly, looking over to you and you just nod quickly, watching her go back to watching the movie before shooting Sal a venomous glance, which he avoids nervously, already feeling your stare of death shoot through the side of his head. You pierced your lips together, putting one leg over the other and squeezing your thighs firmly shut, Sal’s hand now comfortably resting much, much lower on your thigh. Practically on your calve, as he preferred not to die tonight. 
But that’s when it started, the unwanted slick already gently collecting in your panties, your mind running through all the things you wanted to do to him - what you wanted him to do to you. God, your mind was like a dog in heat. You couldn’t even bear to focus on the movie, sitting there, cautiously eyeing up your dead silent boyfriend. His shirt ridden up his stomach just oh-so-slightly from the way he was slouched back, soft happy trail of blue peeking out from under his shirt. God, what you would do to pull those stupid red torn up jeans down - not even fully - and ride him until he was shooting blanks and sobbing under you. 
That is how it went on for the rest of the movie. That is exactly how it went on when you all decided the sleeping plan. That is where your mind still was when you and Sal decided to take the pullout couch, Todd and Neil in Lisa’s old room, and Larry sleeping on his bed with Ashley on a cot on his floor. With the thinnest fucking walls known to man kind. You should know - you grew up with the same ones. 
Sal yawned as he laid next to you, mask placed softly on the table right beside the couch, as well as his glass eye floating in a cup, looking at you nervously as he pulled the covers up over himself too, gently wrapping an arm around your waist and pulling you into him from behind, expecting you to be asleep by now - you were a heavy sleeper, he was an insomniac. It worked out like that. Until he heard a soft, half-whine of a whisper come from you. 
“S-sal..” you mumbled softly, pressing yourself back against him, causing him to let out a soft whine of his own, hand around your waist flinching ever so softly. “P-please baby, need you so bad..” you mumbled out softly, turning around to face him, seeing the needy tears in your eyes had him melting as well, piercing his lips together as he grips softly at your side.
“N-no, you know how thin these walls are - I’m sorry about earlier, but..” he says nervously as he watches you whine and writhe softly, pressing yourself up against him, one hand on his chest. That’s when you decide to make the move, grabbing his hand and moving to in-between your legs so he can feel how absolutely soaked through your panties are, causing him to experimentally run his fingers over them, biting down on his scarred lip so hard he’s concerned it might bleed. You can’t help a choked whine and a buck of your hips against his hand at that, looking up at him with those needy eyes. Fuck. 
He doesn’t say a word as he puts two shaky fingers to your lips, and you wrap your mouth around them without question, twirling your tongue around them and sucking on them like your life depended on it, all while he shakily pulled you panties to the side, prodding his fingers at your soaked hole, a quiet ‘fuck.’ Escaping his mouth when he slides one in with ease, feeling the vibrations around his fingers as you whine. “G-gotta be quiet, please - we h have to be quiet..” he mumbles out messily as he feels his cock throb to life in his sleep shorts, smearing precum across his thigh when he feels your cunt clench needily around his fingers.
He lets out a sigh of relief when you quickly nod at him, squeezing your eyes shut as he slowly starts to curl his long fingers inside of you, the obscene squealing noise making him whimper softly, hips accidentally bucking softly against your thigh as his cock tries to find some sort of friction - daydreaming about how easily he could slip inside you right now with how wet you are - how you would feel around his cock, velvety walks clenching around him and providing him that oh so delicious friction he was searching for. 
His thumb moves to gently circle your clit as you start to find a slow grinding rhythm against his hand, practically riding his fingers as he finds that delicious spongy spot on your walls and pushes his fingers up against it, causing your cunt to give another urgent and needy clench, more slick falling into his palm, making a mess as he tries his best not to whine himself.
The slippery sounds of friction, the feeling of your thigh twitching pressed up right against his own throbbing problem, or the way his fingertips are pressing up against the entrance to your throat, the way his other fingertips are pressed up against your velvety walls. It’s driving him beyond insane, to the point he’s thinking he might cum in his sleep shorts if it continues this way. And he didn’t bring an extra pair - and it would just be a waste if he didn’t cum inside of you - not while you were practically begging for it.  
“B-baby.” He whines out, catching your attention for a second, tears of pleasure falling softly down your face as your hips still, whining against his hand from the way you stopped while being so close - it was beyond downright embarrassing how quickly you were about to cum, and you were honestly glad he stopped you. “C-can i please put it in? J-just the tip, please baby, ‘s so sensitive. Need you so bad.” He whines quietly and softly, pressing his hard on against your thigh to back up his own statement, whining softly again. “Just wann’ cum inside you, please…” he whispers, watching you nod eagerly.
Pulling his fingers out of you with an obscenely wet pop, pulling your soaked panties to the side and he lets out an erotic sigh pressing his face into the crook of your neck as he pulled his shorts down, cock slapping to attention against his abdomen, precum beading from the sensitive tip as he shakily pulled your hips up, grabbing the base of his cock and gently rubbing it against your entrance, and you could hear how wet you were when he moved his tip to part your drenched lips and drag through them, whining into the crook of your neck as you grabbed his shoulders, brain fuzzy with the way his hot tip felt rubbing against your clit, sticky with your own slick. 
He bit down hard on your shoulder as his tip popped past the tight ring of muscles of your entrance, desperately rutting against you, trying not to whine or let slip how good it felt to be inside you - the way your hot, heady slick insides felt like they were trying to pull him in deeper. His hand cupped your mouth quickly, stopping you from making a sound as he gently pushed himself further inside you, feeling you grip tightly at his shoulders, nails digging into his flesh as he broke his promise, pushing his cock inside of you, inch by desperate inch, trying not to slam his entire cock into you at once - which was unbelievably hard, considering how wet you were, and how desperate he was - his tip prodded at your cervix, making you jerk forward, groaning against the palm of his hand.
He rutted into you desperately, not daring to thrust properly, letting everyone else hear how wet and desperate you were, or even worse, how even needier he was for you, the head of his cock bumping against your sweet spot, the only sound in the air being the quiet sounds of your muffled whines, and the quiet rustling of sheets as he ground into you, abdomen rubbing against your clit as he did so, bringing you to the edge so much faster than you ever expected, cunt clenching around him, the sign that you were about to cum. He just nodded into the nape of your neck, hips refusing to stop. 
“m-me too, fuck, me too, me too ‘m gonna cum, ‘s too tight, ‘s so warm.” He half whines, half whispers right into your neck as he detaches his teeth from your shoulder for a second, before hurriedly latching them back onto your neck as you feel his cock violently twitch inside you, whining desperately into his hand as you felt yourself start to cum, cunt clenching around him desperately, slick flooding from you and creating an obscene squelching between you two as you spasmed and arched under him. 
He groaned into your neck as he quickly pulled his face from your neck, smashing his lips desperately against yours, muffling his own groans as he pushes himself as deep into you as he can go, cumming hot ropes into you as he stills, thighs twitching as he pulls his mouth from you, both of you panting and catching your breaths, feeling the warm liquid pool out of you and spill onto Sal’s abdomen as he lets out a small and raspy chuckle, still catching his breath.
 “You’re going to be the fucking death of me.” 
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