#maybe ill post the sketch for one of them later

[thenocarts]

I saw someone do a body type headcanon years ago and I'm coppying it, hello world

[sweeneydino]

Moop.

[randomminty]

Maybe ill draw the other champions too oooooo probably not. Anyway dragon cynthia

[skitskatdacat63]

Boy King Seb :D

[ccomilk]

ART FIGHT!!!

characters belong to @/ell-chaos, @cricket-teeeth, @abovo-adastra, @/gnashgab_genet, and @they-thespian666 respectively!!! :D

[zapsoda]

im sorry im gettingemotional about stobotnik again. like the people whoo made the sonic movie didnt need to have robbie yank stone towards him by the jaw. they didnt need to make jim carrey pin this dude to the wall and get up in his face. they didnt need to have stone make latte shipart of him and eggy. and yet they did. the ONLY allies <3

[enzstr]

Falling Stars

pairing: katsuki bakugo x reader

notes: ok I'll post only you new chapter tmrw ILL STOP PROCRASTINATING i swear 💯

The first time Bakugo Katsuki saw the meteor shower, he was eight years old.

His mother had yanked him outside in the middle of the night, still scowling about the cold, but her hands were gentle when they wrapped a blanket around his shoulders. The sky stretched endlessly above them, speckled with stars that seemed to vibrate with a light he hadn’t noticed before.

"Look," she said, pointing upward, her voice softer than he was used to. "Watch carefully."

The first streak of light cut through the darkness a moment later, quick and startling. Then another. And another. Soon the sky was alive with motion, stars falling in quiet arcs, each one disappearing before he could catch more than a glimpse.

He remembered how small he felt. How much it scared him.

---------------------------

Years later, he forgot about the meteor shower. Forgot the wonder of that night, shoved it into the same dusty corner of his mind where he kept childhood books and broken toys.

Until now.

-------------------------

The lake was still, dark as ink, reflecting a fractured version of the stars above. Bakugo hadn’t planned to come here, but his feet had carried him to this spot anyway, far from the city’s noise and chaos. His boots crunched against the gravel path, the sound too loud in the quiet.

He didn’t notice you at first.

You were sitting by the water’s edge, your knees drawn up to your chest, your face tilted toward the sky. A flashlight sat beside you, its weak beam illuminating a sketchbook resting on your lap. You were drawing—no, scribbling—furiously, your pencil darting across the page like it couldn’t keep up with your thoughts.

Bakugo frowned. "The hell are you doing out here?"

You flinched, your pencil slipping mid-stroke. For a moment, you just stared at him, wide-eyed, as if you weren’t sure if he was real.

"Watching the meteors," you said finally, your voice barely louder than the rustle of the wind.

He squinted at you, his hands shoved deep into his pockets. "In the dark? By yourself?"

You shrugged. "It's quieter this way."

"Tch." He sat down without asking, his legs folding stiffly beneath him. He wasn’t sure why he didn’t just leave. Maybe it was the way your sketchbook caught the moonlight. Or maybe it was the way you seemed completely unbothered by his presence, as if you’d expected him all along.

For a while, neither of you spoke.

-------------------

The meteors came slowly at first. One streak of light here, another there. You made small, quick marks in your sketchbook, your pencil moving like a whisper.

"Doesn't look like much," Bakugo muttered, his arms crossed.

You glanced at him, your eyes catching the faint glow of the sky. "You're not looking hard enough."

He bristled. "I'm looking just fine."

"Are you?"

The challenge in your voice made him turn toward you, scowling, but you weren’t even looking at him anymore. Your gaze was fixed upward, your expression calm and unhurried, like you had all the time in the world.

"It's not just the meteors," you said after a moment. "It’s the way the light fades. How it leaves behind a trail, like it’s trying to say, 'I was here.'"

He blinked, caught off guard by the thought. "That's... dumb."

You smiled, the kind of smile that wasn’t mocking, just knowing. "Maybe."

---------------

By the time the sky filled with streaks of fire, Bakugo had stopped trying to come up with reasons to leave.

The meteors fell in bursts, some blazing so bright they left afterimages burned into his vision. The lake reflected them all, turning the world into a mirrored blur of light and shadow.

You were still sketching, your movements slowing as the show reached its peak. Your pencil hovered over the page for a moment, then stopped entirely.

"I can't get it right," you murmured, more to yourself than to him.

He glanced at the sketchbook before you could close it. Your lines were rough, unfinished, the shapes jagged and uneven. But there was something raw in them, something that looked more alive than perfect strokes ever could.

"It's not bad," he said gruffly, his voice lower than usual.

You blinked at him, surprised, then laughed softly. "Coming from you, I'll take that as high praise."

He didn’t respond, but his lips twitched into something that wasn’t quite a smirk.

---

Later, when the meteors began to fade and the sky returned to its quiet, endless stillness, you stood and dusted off your jeans.

"Thanks for not ruining it," you said, slinging your bag over your shoulder.

Bakugo snorted. "Didn’t do it for you."

"I know."

As you walked away, he stayed by the water’s edge, the ghost of your smile lingering in his mind. For the first time in years, he thought about how small the world could make him feel.

And how, sometimes, that wasn’t so bad.

enzstr © 2024. please don't steal, modify or copy my writing on any other platforms!

[red-water-dragon]

Raren demonstrating a suspicious spell in front of the royal court.

visual storytelling notes:

The bg was left blank until I started painting and the elements added to the bg were designed around the character. I didn't go into this with a little synopsis of what I wanted to convey. Only an abstract idea that Raren was going to be talking to someone, figure it out later. I decided he'd be presenting a new spell in front of a political chamber because he wears a crown and a blue crystal. So he has to be of some form of nobility and magical prowess. He also has blue eyes meaning he is an ice dragon and thus its a blue spell wow. The monarchs he's addressing are left dark and disapproving in the corner while Raren powers a statue beneath them. He could be demonstrating how the spell effects the world around them, maybe it freezes the stone? maybe it brings the statue to life? Either way its primed to eat Raren's opposition. Two of the bg guys are red one is blue maybe he's an arch nemesis who knows.

Art process and wips under the cut

I'm trying and failing to get better at visual story telling while keeping things simple. My long term goal is to have a frequent and consistent posting schedule. Most of the art would be stylized and simple like this and the rest could be fully rendered.

Art has been more of a "draw what's in you head and make it look pretty/ cool to hang up later" thing to me w/ the benefit of being a good source of self reflection as I create. Writing has more so been my go to for expressing that meditation. Writing I don't share because im unnecessarily cagy abt my emotions and my harshest critic lol. I want to tell stories with my art , convey tone, feeling, etc. and right now my paintings don't do that. I don't have the technical skill yet. This painting is the first of many to come that will hopefully change this.

The texture in this is chaotic and the line work is rough. Raren is the only part of this with a full sketch. All other line art was added to create the illusion of detail. There is less attention on rendering each section and more being put into the placement of characters and props. I had hoped this would make the painting go faster and...it has the potential to do so in the future. Sooo a piece that could have taken a couple hours took a whole day.

While im not overly thrilled with the final image im still happy about the process. Normally the dragon would be the only real focal point in my painting with the bg being a gradient, or a simple theme added last second. Conveying a message is more work but it gives more cool things for the eye to look at and the mind to ponder. So in theory even if the final result is aesthetically unappealing the theme can still salvage the work a bit.

what this taught me:

sketchy line work is passable in the final image

it can even add character to the art

plants are a great way of filling space without actually doing so

(hence the wip of the room looking empty af with out them)

the more clothing and eye candy you put on your character the more clutter you have to add to the bg to balance it out

the main oc was sketched the bg was painted on the fly

doing so saved time but harmed the natural flow of the piece

all of the storytelling is happening in quarters and it is almost abrasive to look at

what ill try in the next piece:

perspective guides

less shading and rendering

find a color palette to stick to

or work in greyscale first

write a little picture synopsis

or pick a theme

just find something that acts as a story guide

sketch out bg elements

toy around with the sketch more before moving to painting

[ereyies]

i love your of mice and men oc. let me tell you i was scrolling thru the omam tag after reading that book for class because GOSH that ending destroyed me. bronwyn is so cute!!! and i love the ideas you have for her character and how she’d add onto the book. is there any more of your character that u thought of?? i’d love it hear it! ur art is stunning btw!!!

artists and writers are the backbone of dead fandoms. but i dont know if you could even call this fandom dead cuz i dont think it even had a life 💀

THANK YOU SO INCREDIBLY MUCH!!

this means the entire world to me you have no idea just how touched i am that you love my oc 💖 💖!! be VERY careful going through the of mice and men tag because unfortunately there are a LOT of nsfw bots!!

as for anything else relating to Bronwyn and her character, I don't have much else written/in mind other than that I have already shared other than maybe two things (copied and pasted from a document i made just to keep track of her lore):

Candy and Bronwyn probably wouldn't be close despite Candy having worked at the ranch for years. Not because of anything bad that happened between them, however I imagine that Candy was initially the main contributor to all the gossip said about her on the ranch and later on he learned she wasn't a bad person at all and just a lonely ill child, but by that point he had both immortalised her as a legend but condemned her from ever making real connections with people again. Knowing what he started and how he unintentionally isolated her and prevented her from being easily able to make friends with people on the ranch, the guilt would probably prevent him from forming any close connections with her.

I feel like if she were actually a character within the novel, her presence within the story would be similar to Andrey Bolkonsky in the musical Natasha, Pierre, & the Great Comet of 1812 (brilliant but strange musical btw, if you're interested in musicals it's definitely worth a listen!!). She is this looming presence amongst all the characters, always being mentioned in passing during conversation, this figure that everyone is aware of yet never sees, never actually being present in person up until the very end.

Candy would probably be the reader's introduction to Bronwyn, since Candy is a known gossiper. She'd be this influence in the story but is never truly there. I'm not too sure how she'd be important if that were the case though? Perhaps she'd be a figure symbolic of a 'point of no return' for all the characters. They all have a dream that isn't totally impossible which they come very close to achieving, and could very well leave their situation, but Bronwyn never had a chance and can never truly escape, locked up just to be forgotten about. Maybe she'd be a warning of the terrible fate which Lennie would have faced if he had lived and been institutionalised.

ANYWAYS moving past all of that; i have only made very few drawings of Bronwyn since my last post talking about her (admittedly due to extreme art block). But I’ve mostly been brainstorming about Curley and Bronwyn, the similarities and differences between them, mostly differences. Here is some of my recent art:

I always love experimenting and playing around with my style, trying out new brushes, techniques and colours <33 The last isn’t exactly my favourite mostly because i was just getting a feel for how to draw Curley and had little to no references for the pose and so it looks a little stiff. But!! I made many notes for my ideas while I was doing the sketch:

Thank you once more for your ask!! It means the world to me <33 I was so embarrassed when I first made her and feared being called ‘cringe’ or that people wouldn’t like her or something else along those lines, but the reception so far has been nothing but positive and encouraging!! I definitely plan to make more art and potentially even write some short fanfics including her in the future!!

oh one final thing, i also made a spotify playlist for her!! https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0qrBhwqopc6KrC7RouFxOZ?si=GPudTv12S92QwBBXqxw0Bg&pi=khdpmOzjTfeQP

Thank you once more for being so kind <33 I hope you have the most wonderful day/evening/night!!

[n0bluev]

Somehow, im inspired to write that 'revision fic'. === (EDIT : u can skip but heres another snippet for u (3 separate bits that fit together nicely, actually haha) cuz hihi. THE AU: As i said, its a failed "3"rd regression context, where yjh is now in his "4"th round. The last memory he has of kdj is him dying, and to make things worse "In this round, that guy doesn't exist." is a thing, so yjh freaks out a bit but hes totally normal about this whole ordeal & the fact that he doesnt even remembers kdj's face now. Wdym! Hes fiiiiiine!

sorry lol back to the actual post : (,hope u enjoyed that little treat tho^^)) ===

!!THAT [Somehow, im inspired to write [...]] HAS NEVER HAPPENED TO ME BEFORE!!. I always like. do an outline for the overall story and vibe, then flesh out the start or something and cook up a little 500 (probably unsatisfying) words for fun kind of as a bonus. Keep it mostly for my private enjoyment and move on before the story comes to life. And that's okay... Yes, it would be cooler to actually write the AU ideas i get in novel or comic form instead of having them stay at just the 'sketch' & 'idea/brainstorm' phase before i get another idea and leave them to dust up in the pile,,

But yeah, its okay.

In the few years since ive started getting ideas for more elaborate aus/fics, ive noticed that my ideas improved with time. (no shit, i know, but it makes me happy! i grew up!!! i can see it.) My planning methods are better too. So all of that unfinished or abandoned stuff is not at all useless work in my eyes. And who knows, maybe one day i'll bring them back.

--> as a plus, all my fandom brainrot experiences even get transferred into my OC stuff, and frl whenever i read my notes these days (or listen to my voice memos lol) and im just like "HOW DID I THINK OF THIS WOW" or "WHEN DID I PUT THIS LIKE THIS? IT WORKS!" (not to brag or anything but my oc lore goes hard ☝️)

BUT. NOW THIS IS UNEXPECTED.

I DID NO PLANNING. I just started writing for orv and its. Lowkey, good ???? Dont get me wrong i only have 1.5k right now and there are clear holes i have to fill and stuff but... CLEAR HOLES! CLEAR HOLES. Sure Im used to being like "something of the sort should go there..." BUT THIS TIME ITS "THIS SHOULD GO THERE, ILL WRITE IT LATER BUT THE IMAGE IS IN MY MIND, CLEAR AS WATER, AND ONCE I START PUTTING IT ON THE PAGE ISTG THOSE WORDS WILL STREAM OUT OF MY FINGERS AS IF IT WAS A NORMAL OCCURENCE FOR ME" ,,- !??? Yo!

Anyways. Point is that somehow theres interesting stuff going on in my gg doc and the more i write the more i know where i want to go, so that's cool, i feel all powerfull for once

idk if that ease is going to stay once im done with the first scenes (ughh!!! theres so much potential!!!!!!!!) but hopefully yes. either way ill probably post it so im not baiting yall with a "um actually im writing smt rn --- *never shares with the class*" --- either 1) things go well and i write a "real fic" (!? wtf that wasnt my plan!) --- or 2) i only post the finished version of what i have now (expect around 5k? (i have no idea actually)) and we wait together to see if i pick up the idea again haha. (i do wish to write it tho! im not a 'writer' writer but i want to be one, u get me?)

! thank u see u byebye

[sentmail]

POST FF7 / AC ERA TATTOOS — will work out the details later, but the basis for them are that i've solidified is: kunsel is SC3. canon can give us another person as SC3 and ill just go LALALA.

being an S type as opposed to a G type he ends up being more stable, like zack and cloud are, and due to his procedure being done while jenova was dormant it gave him time to acclimate to it... which meant by the time The Reunion started, it was less a prime directive for him and more of a subconscious call... and repelling. it affected him more than the standard SOLDIER but in ways he couldn't comprehend.

for some irrational reason, kunsel did NOT want to see cloud - he figured it was because of the loss of zack and the anger of seeing that cloud survived and was playing pretend SOLDIER... but in truth? kunsel would just ruin sephiroth's manipulative games by not having the same qualms as everyone else around being "gentle" about cloud's nebulous identity: cloud never made SOLDIER, that's zack's sword and he wants it.

his procedure was done during his promotion to first class, a proposition without a possibility of denial - and kunsel was feeling down enough to just risk the chance of finding something else new. he was awake for it, as was roche... and still hojo did nothing but mock and berate him, no answers to be found to his questions - you're much like your father was... chismoso.

it was a stupid, self destructive and pointless risk... and all he got out of it was mind fog, odd phantom pains and a SC3 tattoo... right on the arm, a highly visible marker of a machination he had yet to uncover. another question without immediate answer... and he doesn't get one, not for a while. not until it's too late.

he gets it covered up the moment things finally calm down and he has a chance to reflect on what he's been through, sorting through document after document from what remained of the science department and hojo's note's - he'd heard of jenova cells once, out of context, and at the time it made sense, some proprietary formula to create super soldiers... but in context it was so, so much worse. he'd been implanted with lab grown samples based on sephiroth's mutagenic dna. they labeled him a clone, but it was clear from hojo's hypothesis that he was meant to be a host instead.

a failed one, thankfully... but to think he'd been this close to losing it all, his sense of self, as he'd witnessed so many other SOLDIERs go through without even going through the procedure? they lowered the admissible mako tolerance levels to grow numbers... and the weakest succumbed to madness... he wonders if hojo hoped for this outcome.

it made kunsel feel... uneasy. this is what they did to zack and cloud? is this why cloud is the way he is? being the first, did zack suffer side effects from his procedure? and here he was, willingly, even if not informed, subjecting himself to the same experiment.

and for what? even with getting so close to hojo... he never quite got the guts to act out against him. he needed what the man knew... until the man was no more, and all that was left were the ramblings of a mad scientist scattered across drives and paper files already ransacked.

he was sick of looking at it, a reminder of his failures, and he'd always wanted to try out a proper tattoo anyway - he had to find a good cover up artist, but eventually he found one, and a design: phoenix, his favorite summon.

it was meant to just be a cover up... and then the sketch evolved into his entire bicep, and... it looked pretty damn good, so it was hard not to add another idea he'd been romancing: roses spread covering his forearm. he went in for an arm tattoo, ended up leaving with a full sleeve after a couple sessions.

you can still see the vague frame and outline of SC3 against his skin, the ink used by shinra particularly aggressive and permanent and just maybe toxic to the normal populace, but the artist in charge did a good job in working within the constraints provided by the odd shapes.

[kingstooth]

ill post all of these separately later but FOR NOW i'm posting them all for one reason!!!

— b&w sketch commissions - limited availability!

$65 USD (for humanoid designs) but i am temporarily offering $110 for a two character piece. payment is through paypal OR cashapp, entirely dependent on what works best for the client. payment is expected upfront, and turnaround is up to one month.

furry designs incur an additional $25 USD fee, and complex designs incur an additional $15 fee.

these are supposed to be simpler than my other b&w comms, truly sketchy and loose and without wips or many edits, inconsistent on whether i shade or not, etc. but i will still include blood, bc friends.......i would like to see any one person try to keep me from including blood (maybe you hate blood and you can be this person, as a paying client?? in which case congrats on besting me)

as always i love when people give me prompts for their commissions - i always recommend hurt/comfort prompts, but i'm truly down for anything and i love hearing out scene ideas!

check out my ToS if you're interested, and reach out via email ( kingstooth.art@gmail.com ) ! reblogs are very appreciated

[vvenuspng]

vvenuspng FAQ

Main: @vvenushalo

I’m also vvenushalo on insta/twitter/bluesky (on twt/bsky i also have a priv that’s vvenuspng) but im only active on tumblr :) maybe bluesky soon too idk (social media scares me lol)

About me

I’m Venus! i go by they/them but any pronouns are ok tbh. i’m a 21yr old american-peruvian lesbian in EST. me olvide muchísimo español, solo hablaba cuando era pequeño :( I’ve been drawing all my life, but it’s mostly a hobby atp.

What's the point of this sideblog?

Well, really I just wanted to post abt helluva boss (idc abt hazbin btw) without it being connected to my main blog. I don't rlly care for vivzie & ppl are quick to judge so I’d rather keep a separate blog, especially given the adult nature of the show. I also want to hoard my aesthetic shit here and anything funny that won’t fit in my main’s queue.

Art info

I use procreate on ipad with an apple pencil (btw if ur thinking of getting a second gen pencil—do not LMAO this shit is annoying and i miss my first gen one).

Recently I’ve been using procreate’s ‘shale brush’ to line my works, but in my older drawings you’ll see me using a modified ‘HB pencil’. I have various brushes from packs and bundles I’ve saved that I sometimes use, such as Retro Supply, Joes set, clem’s brushes, feast’s pencils, and LP’s painting set, but I mainly stick to a few favorites and modify them.

Top ships?

Stolitz & Verbie are my top faves, followed by Fizzmodeous, M&M, and HoneyMoon. I like blitzfizz and stolitzarozzie (?) as well.

Fave characters?

My faves are Verosika, Stolas, Blitz, Barbie, Fizz, Millie, and Beelzebub! Anything including them will make me happy emote :)

I’m new to tumblr and I want to reblog, but don’t want to be annoying. What can I do?

Tumblr lives off reblogs! reblog anything and everything u like! all the time! that’s the point of a blog! u can use tags to essentially whisper ur thoughts, u can directly add on to a post by reblogging with ur opinions, and u can comment within the post itself! Do not be afraid to leave tags especially, bitches (me, along with many others) LOVE seeing peoples tags on stuff. It’s also pretty widely accepted that spam is super cool too btw, but if ur REALLY worried about that, there’s an option to queue ur reblogs or schedule it for a later time :) but again, don’t stress! <3

REQ FAQ

keep in mind these are requests, and not commissions. I do reqs for fun and because ideas are hard for me to come up with, I do not owe you any type of drawing because u are not paying me. effort given to each req varies purely on my own whims lol (as in, some will be sketches, others may end up full drawn)

What would you not draw?

as my pinned states, i’m not into stereotypical freak proship stuff. By that I mean what proship has come to be defined as of recently with extreme gross tropes, I do not mean silly little crackships that ultimately do no harm. this applies to all reqs and everything I draw.

I’ll do most (helluva) ship reqs but as a lesbian i’m obligated to heavily favour any sapphic pairs LMAO. for nsfw reqs ill only do that with stolitz and verbie and just use common sense for these types of reqs, yknow? kink is alright but please know im not personally active in the community, im more passively interacting n learning so I won’t be accurate in my depictions. I’m also not gonna get into my whole hard/soft limits list—if i don’t like what u req i’m just gonna delete the ask lol.

Would you draw multi panel comics?

yes! but please keep in mind I am not a comic artist, therefore it will be choppy and possibly rushed. I’m less likely to do these types of reqs simply because of the effort it takes to complete these (no matter how much i want to) :(

Do you do commissions?

Not really, but if you sincerely want a comm from me, feel free to reach out and we can negotiate! I will not do any fully rendered art, but I am open to sketches and/or lined flat colored works (example)

[skitskatdacat63]

Orb...

+ process kinda

[0poole]

People being normal about my TADC fanart

Spoilers: This shit ain't normal ya'll need help

Let's start with the one obviously made to garner the bigger reaction

Like, the joke is pretty obvious, right? Everyone wants to either sex the rabbit or have someone else sex the rabbit, so since it's physically impossible for them to actually do it I wanted to make a joke about that.

Meanwhile, people on Instagram are treating this like it's straight up-porn.

Are you kidding me? If I actually drew straight-up porn of them, I could at least get the "fandom sucks" comments but mentally ill?

A YEAR? A fucking YEAR? Are these two people like eons old and only see a year as a tiny blip of time in their lives? Do they have any idea how long a year is? I could get it if they meant like a week or maybe even a month, but a year is actually just absurd. Do they really think it normally takes anything close to that long for people to realize they're attracted to a character, and make art of it? Most people can produce a piece of art in a few hours, maybe a day if they really put the effort into it.

Anyway here's a perfectly normal reply to the post. I want to believe this person made this photoshop specifically just to reply to my post, because I would love that even more.

Next up we actually have the opposite problem. Take a look at this one

The first TADC art I wanted to make, mostly because I had a really cool idea of putting Pomni in a 3D background, and later thought to actually animate it and make it spin. Obviously I wanted to stylize her a bit differently than in the official animation because I'm basically a sucker for poofy pants/sleeves/shoulderpads whatever, so I just made them bigger, as well as her jester hat cuz obviously.

And to be fair, many more people are normal about this one, but still:

Do they think they're just like, funny or something? While some people nowadays are like "all horny thoughts of fictional characters are sin" others are like "haha sexo funni" and I guess make that their personality. It's just as dumb and annoying. If you want to fuck a character, just fucking admit it. You look even stupider if you're like "haha I wanna fuck her but I don't want people to think I'm actually serious"

This kind of thing happened with a comment on Newgrounds of a sketch of NiGHTS I did a while back. What do they think she looks like under there? It sounds like they think I gave her stick legs but also the fattest ass on the planet, like she was some candied apple on a stick or something. Personally if it were even possible to remove her clothes, my headcanon would basically be that her body looks like Finn from Adventure Time

But yeah there are more passively dumb ones but these comments are specific enough to form thoughts out of. Obviously can't keep this up but hey, just let me dish out my feelings for my first bombardment of attention on the internet lol

Strangely enough, I don't actually want to have sexual relations with the clown. I got enough other characters to form horny thoughts of. Just lay off it, man.

[lune-de-miel-au-paradis]

No better version that I could pretend to be tonight - Nina’s pow

Summary: We can see into Nina's everyday life, who hasn't been able to get the glowing gaze of the unknown zabrak out of her head ever since.

Pairing: Darth Maul x OC Nina Cerasus

Warnings: Mention illness, medication, anxiety, emotions (Let me know if I left out something.)

AN: This fic means a lot to me and I worked on it a lot. If you have any advice or comments, please share them with me kindly. I'm posting for the first time in years and I don't want nasty comments to discourage me from posting again. If you don't like it, please go to another blog. I did my best to translate it, so pls forgive me, English is not my first language.

Maybe you noticed, but the chapter title is from a Hozier song called Jackie & Wilson.

Please enjoy reading!

previous chapter

Failure, that's how Nina would describe the week after that night. She had no peace at all, in addition to the university, she worked in two places, one as an assistant to a professor and the other as an inventory clerk. All of them were hard work and took a lot of her time. She had no choice, she needed the money. 

Unfortunately, after her mother passed away, a lot of unpaid hospital bills were added to the expenses of her own medical treatments, and she had to cover them somehow. Her grandmother was a nurse at the local hospital and although she took on many shifts, it wasn't enough. 

Nina wanted to help her guardian so that she could retire later, without worrying about financial expenses. At least Nina didn't have to worry about university tuition, since as long as she maintains an excellent average, she receives a scholarship.

This leads to the next failure she had. She lost her focus in school. Several times she found herself daydreaming during classes. She was tired and something haunted her. More precisely, someone, a mysterious stranger, with whom she did not spend more time than a few minutes of wordless dance. What scared her was that the more she felt the event was real, the more she began to doubt that it was true. Polina couldn't find anyone in the register, no zabrak were official that day, and the security guards didn't let anyone of that species in either. So Nina only imagined him, according to these facts, it was really just a dreamy image. But then why does it feel real? What caught her the most were the pair of eyes, the wonderfully glowing sunset eyes. She tried to sketch it in the margins of her notes several times, but since she had no talent for drawing, these attempts never succeeded neither well nor satisfactorily. Which is, of course, another area in which she failed.

She regretted that it wasn't real, she would have liked to spend more time with him. Somehow, she wondered about this several times. What if he was real? Would he like her? And she would like him? In any case, she didn't mention it to her doctor though, she didn't want another type of heart medication instead of the one she's currently taking. She was annoyed by the period until she got used to the side effects, so she stayed with the old one. Although she hadn't taken them in days, because they only dulled her, and she was afraid that her imagination was playing tricks on her again.

The next thing is why she was dissatisfied, was the results of her psychology examination. According to the teacher, her answers are not satisfactory, as the girl did not show enough sympathy for the parties involved in the task.

"What bullshit! That's exactly what I'm going to do as a lawyer, isn't it?! To keep my personal feelings out of things and do my job with a clear head." She was annoyed as she packed in the warehouse and checked the factors on the list at her workplace. The teacher had been teasing the girl since the beginning of the semester and tried to do everything to make her get bad results.

Nina's thinking was different from the average in the group. She didn't focus on whose situation it was, but what led to that situation for them.Nina's reactions were harsher despite the fact that she could remain calm in more serious cases, which surprised the teacher a little, so he sent the girl for a psychological examination.

 "Great! Because if I complain about my problems to a stranger, I will magically process my traumas and, as a bonus, I will even be cured of my heart disease!" she thought. Nina did not believe in this, nor in hope, nor in the old and new gods, nor in miracles, but most of all in people, especially men.

Nina knew a few things. She knew that with hard work and the right connections, she could take her career far. She knew that her almond-shaped green eyes and the small regular gap between her two first upper incisors were the first impression of an innocent doll-like face that she could use to her advantage. And she also knew that each man lied without exception.

But now somehow it seemed that this knowledge was not enough for her to easily put the current series of bad luck behind her. Maybe the stars weren't aligned, maybe it was just the Force messing with her, but things definitely weren't right, and it worried her.

She was worried that this would be another failure. Just like her relationships, her health and her life.

And like another unexpected and unsolicited surprise gift from the god of bad luck she received another bad news that day.

"I'm sorry Nina. But the labor is cheaper this way, I can't pay you because of the increased trade prices. You know VAT and taxes...I have to replace human labor with droids." Hozka, Nina's now ex-boss, said sadly when he was dismissing her that day. Nina understood the man’s situation, but that didn't mean she was happy about it. She lost the better paying one of her two jobs. What is this, if not…. (drumroll please!) a failure!

She sat on the bus tiredly. She headed home, towards the village, which was not far from the city, but just far enough that it was necessary for her to rent an apartment in the city due to going to university classes in the morning. She made this trip twice every week, sometimes Polina went with her, but the girl was now preparing for an exam, so Nina enjoyed the peace of being alone on the road. In such cases, she also brought laundry and a bag for the many meals that Grandma Eve-Lynn had prepared and sent to her.

Nina loved going home, everything there (despite the many bad memories) was somehow comforting and reassuring. Like wrapping herself in a fuzzy and warm blanket. She always sleeps well here and even her soul feels a bit lighter if it’s possible. Maybe because it’s a little quieter, due to the lack of nightlife, or maybe because it’s close to her secret place. 

When she finally arrived, she got into work. She put in a few piles of clothes for washing, one for herself and one for Polina. Grandma Eve-Lynn wasn't home yet, so Nina looked over their whole budget, while the working machinery hummed and hummed soothingly in the background.

Luckily, she had some credit set aside, so Nina didn't have to worry about paying off the mortgage. And there are also the medicines and the daily expenses…

As Nina calculates, she realizes that her ex-boss was right, the prices have risen a lot in recent weeks. She drummed her fingers nervously and ran her fingers through her hair. She needs to find a job, not bloody necessary, but rather necessary.

However, she happily included the amount received from the sale of the mirror panel dress in the reserve. Polina didn't know, but Nina sometimes sold this and that on the holonet, from her own wardrobe. She wasn't ashamed of it though. 

When she was done with her chores, she realized that her grandmother hadn't come home yet, so Nina decided it was time to visit her super secret favorite place, the abandoned villa. She brought her datapad with her, so she will be able to study, and her telescope. It was late afternoon but she planned to stay for awhile, so that she can see the wonders that the sky plans to show her today.

The weather reports promised a wonderful clear night sky for that day, at least this can be a cooling balm for her skinned soul.

Nina moved forward knowingly, since she already knew the path in her heart, but before the anxious knot in her chest could completely dissolve for a little time, she received an unexpected call.

She frowned but answered the incoming call. It was her doctor.

"I wanted to reach you as soon as possible, Miss. The results from last week's examination have finally arrived. Several results are quite favorable, which shows that the medication you have is working. But the heart rhythm... the results could be much better! I thought that this should definitely be done to start something, it's not exactly something that should be glossed over. After all, you practically failed this part of the test. I don't want to scare you but the heartbeat is too slow, I think you sensed that too. We definitely need to adjust the new dose. Could you come in sometime for a blood test? " Nina agreed flatly then when she got the date settled, ended the call. 

Nina stared speechless. In the early evening hours, some afternoon sunlight filtered in, painting the sky purple, and a light afternoon breeze rustled the crowns of leaves making a few rustling ones dance with it in the air.

Nina's results have been stagnant for years, she has not recovered, but so far she has easily passed all tests. From time to time, she was notified when a new drug or treatment became possible for her, but these, even if they did not help, did not make her condition worse. Her concern overcame the annoying happenings of this unfortunate day.

This was more important, much more! She already knew the doctor well enough to know from his tone that the matter was indeed serious.

When she reached the old dilapidated villa, she didn't even notice that she had been holding her breath in for that long. She let it out with a small sigh. Apart from that, she only heard the sounds of the forest, everything was covered by the peace of nature.

Nina was lying on the cool tiled floor of the house's glass-domed piano room. The hard floor below her, the purple-pink palette of the sky visible through the broken glass dome above her, her mind lost far away in the land of thoughts. 

With one hand, she held on to the edge of the level difference, as if anchoring herself down with it.

Her other hand rested on her heart with cold fingertips, despite the fact that her soul was in war between anger and sadness. 

“How long it will be until she feels something again beside these? “ she wondered

She focused on her heartbeat, counting the light beat of it. She caressed it as if she were cradling a little bird in her chest, which was beating at the wrong pace, ready to burst out ruthlessly.

Nina has read it somewhere that the hearts of mammals beat two billion times during their lifetime.

Bantas live between eighty and one hundred years. Wolves for fifteen years. Tooka cats live ten years and smaller rodents only two years. Humanoids live an average of seventy years. 

“Would my heart have reached two and a half billion beats so quickly? But the doctors said it beat slower.” she thought.

She looked from the sky to the roof and walls overgrown with blooming creepers. Several smaller trees and shrubs have already grown in the villa, starting the slow but sure recapture of nature. Over time, nature always demands back what is due to it, be it territory or balance. Nature is even capable of self-healing.

Perhaps if Nina stayed here, she would lie down and let the many plants grow around her, so that she would become almost one with nature, like the mythological nymphs. If she let the roots, leaves and flowers surround her, like a protective cover, maybe that they would think she is one of them, a damaged flower, then maybe she would be healed by them.

Inmediatley that old evening tale came to her mind where the princess slept until her kingdom was overgrown with a dense dark forest and she was awakened by the kiss of a prince. Would a prince kiss her too? That would be weird. And Nina never liked princes, she always preferred knights and warrior characters in fairy tales. Maybe she could be such a hero herself, right? Maybe she shouldn't play the princess role.

She had it wrong all along! Maybe she is cursed with this disease. But instead of defeating it, she simply has to keep it in check. Carefully check and keep it level so that it doesn’t grow upon her and..

She was jolted out of her thoughts by an unexpected noise. The sound of a low humming engine. She sat up and began to listen. It was definitely the sound of a vehicle, a ship. But so quiet? She jumped up and hurried towards the garden, she didn't see anything, the noise also stopped. She ran out towards the lake when she saw a figure. A tall figure in a dark hood and cloak stood, turning towards her, but his movements were uncertain. Before she could even think that it was safe for her, Nina was already standing in front of the stranger. He extended his black gloved hand towards her. Nina caught the stranger's eyes for a moment. He had intensely shining golden eyes, his gaze was glowing, it reminded Nina to ember. Then the moment passed and the stranger collapsed, dragging the girl by her hair with him down.

Mood board made by me, pictures are from Pinterest.

next chapter

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