#maybe ill edit a better version later

[endofbeginings]

HE RULES THE ROADS.

more f1 movie posters

Original poster:

[inkskinned]

im gonna start a fight; and, at the same time, i need you to take this in the most good-faith way possible, but:

videos that involve body-checking and intentionally (and uncritically) show a mealplan of an unhealthy number of calories are just a revamped version of pro-ana food diaries.

and yeah, i know there's arguments. i address some of them under the cut. but at the end of the day, we're just coming back to romanticizing mental illness; we've just found a better platform for it.

this is already something we've done. we knew it was wrong and tried to stop it. and tbh. it just wasn't enough.

there are people who argue "well, what if you have an eating disorder, you can't help it if you don't eat!" except that as someone with an ED; we are not infants. we know what we're doing. part of having an ED is that you are like, maybe too self-aware. even if we can't help our own food choices, we don't need to fucking romanticize the disorder - something we've been warning you about since 2013. there are hours of setup, filming, and editing that go into these videos. they do not happen to fall into place randomly. there is a reason they are pieced together to be beautiful, bright, inspiring.

there's this woman who pretty much only posts daily plans under a normal amount of calories, and everyone defends her saying but it's better than nothing! and i'm like. except she opens those with images of her showing off her body and provides no context in the video or caption that suggests that she believes what she's doing is unhealthy. she has hundreds of thousands of followers on a platform designed for young kids and teens. i refuse to believe that by accident her content just happens to be cheery advice on "healthy" versions of starving.

for any other symptom of mental illness, we would be incredibly enraged by this kind of placid acceptance of a "tips and tricks" fast-start guide. imagine if people posted pink & pretty videos saying "best places to cut yourself" as if it was a fucking storytime. we, as a society, are so fucking fatphobic that we would rather accept blatantly harmful displays of self harm than admit that we are obsessed with a hyper-thin body type.

i am not suggesting someone never talks about their disorder. i talk about mine. actually, it's a plot point in my book.

here's the difference: i recognize it's a fucking mental illness. i am very careful to never mention a specific weight, eating pattern, or calorie plan. i always make sure to position it as something that ruined my fucking life. i do not put cheery music in the background and hearts and sparkles over my worst moments. i do not film it in bright light. i do not start each passage with an image of a thin body followed by "here's how to look like her."

eating disorders should not be framed as aspirational. and the problem is that society worships the "after" image, so long as you don't get too sick. there is a reason so many people who quit being "influencers" will later admit - i wasn't eating well that whole time; an obsession with food was completely destroying my life.

we let any uncredited, uncertified person write the most backwards, fucked up shit about how to get the body you desire! because the underlying, secret belief is: well, at least they're thin! and the real thing that fucking gets me each time - they make fucking money off of it. their irresponsibility and societal harm literally pays off for them.

"why do you care so much." "don't like it don't look." "so what if people experiment with new ways of thinking of food?"

thank you for asking. we're about to get extremely personal. it's because when i was 18 i discovered "thinspiration"/"thinspo." and it absolutely influenced, shaped, and codified my pre-existing eating disorder. i went from having some troubling habits and traits to being incredibly unwell within what felt like a matter of days. there were actual pages designed to train me on how to have an ED correctly. it was all so suddenly easy. i was sick; and the nature of the illness meant - i wanted to be sicker.

it takes an average of 7 years for a person to fully recover. i know this personally - even now, 10 years from the worst of it, i still fucking struggle. i am so much happier now and i eat what i want and i literally don't think about food at all (19 year old me would shudder) and yet - i still fucking know the calories of plain toast with butter.

an eating disorder is one of the deadliest types of mental illness. over 1 in 4 people with an ED will attempt suicide.

and i'm sorry. i just do not see the exchange rate of "high rate of engagement" versus "the value of a human life."

[brokenmachinemusings]

guys idk if anyone else has but i found the link click camera. rolleiflex 2,8f aurum, a special edition. at first i thought it was a regular 2,8f rolleiflex, because most rolleiflex are black and on later models they have a very similar look; 2,8f lenses looked the most similar to link click ones. however, the sphere engraving at the top is throwing me off; maybe it’s a different brand? but that makes no sense, considering it looks like a typical rolleiflex and at the top cheng xiaoshi it literally says “polleiflex” and it has a diamond engraving. (sorry, i don’t know how to call it, i’ll just say engraving.) at the reflection of the sphere TLR (ill call them that, stands for twin-lens reflex, which is the camera type) it does turn into a diamond (if anyone has the blank version of this poster i would be grateful!), which makes me to think it was probably from the messing with timelines? which is a wild guess. but regular butterfly effects occur so much in time travel media, and in link click, too (you just haven’t realized it).

reflections… they typically tell the objective truth, don’t they? it used to be a diamond engraving so typical of most rolleiflex cameras; the logo. yet the meddling of time has skewed even that, and you can’t tell which is real and which is fake. i looked through a list of models; did it again. maybe i missed something. there are NO rolleiflex with a circle. the can spelling out “past or future, let them be” next to said TLR is even more telling. a typical warning label, one that wasn’t followed. even if you try your best, you’re bound to make a mistake or two, and suddenly all of history is altered to the point the logo (and maybe the name?) of a camera production company looks different.

you know, what’s interesting is these cameras are big on the parallax effect. due to the viewfinder being one lens, where you can look through to better capture your photograph (it’s why they were more popular than SLRs at the time, or single-lens reflex cameras), there is bound to be a mistake due to the height. well, not mistake, but the result is slightly altered; slightly skewed from how you perceive it. TLR’s also shoot in 6x6 dimensions; there’s the number 6 again. link click has a lot of repeating numbers, the most of them being especially 8 and 5, and 6 is another one. (let me redirect you to the fact li tianchen’s localized/english name is ‘vi’; not one i’m on-board with, but an interesting choice, considering that is the roman numeral for 6 and you could’ve chosen literally anything else. i’m slowly starting to believe each character has a number associated with them; cheng xiaoshi 8, li tianchen 6, and lu guang likely 5. but maybe it’s the other way around. if you’re curious, my personal belief is that we are currently in the 8th timeline.)

the model of our rolleiflex, K7F aurum, or 2.8f aurum, whichever you prefer to call it, comes out in 1983. cheng xiaoshi was likely born around 2000. well, it says 2000, but it’s unsure if that’s set in stone. which means that was 17 years prior to his birthday; his parents have well been alive at the release of this special camera.

you know what i think? i think it might be a gift, or a heirloom so to say. his parents — while we don’t know which one does more — are obviously working with photography, likely from a young age, just like him. likely bought the camera themselves, or got it gifted from someone close — either way, it ended up in time photo studio, or in cheng xiaoshi’s hands, likely stashed away. you don’t take a special edition camera out to shoot every day, do you?

well, that’s what i’m gathering anyway. it could be that cheng xiaoshi doesn’t even have such a camera — or OUR cheng xiaoshi doesn’t. it’s not explicitly shown in the donghua; like i said, either doesn’t exist yet or is hidden away somewhere. the only problem i find with it not being in cheng xiaoshi’s hands until the time comes; where does he get a rolleiflex aurum? a camera that often goes for around 4k, one that was made a good almost 40 years ago. it’s possible that the camera is meant as a simple metaphor, to represent something in the show… we don’t know what, yet, but this is just speculation.

i tend to end off my rants in a weird note, unable to think of how exactly to formulate that. i apologize in this case. thanks for reading; if you have any thoughts or any way to extend this, feel free to reblog, comment or go to my askbox. leaving the full art/posters at the end here in case anyone wants to look at them. again, if you have the clean version, please please please send it to me

(i think, a really interesting detail of this poster is that li tianchen’s on there. if you look close enough)

[yanderes-galore]

Could I request prompts 12 and 23 for norman bates from the slasher movie pyscho (1960s version)? Pairing is romantic

Was finally able to see Psycho on Netflix! I do indeed have a story idea I can do for this. My prompts were used for this.

Did not do character research for this, wrote it right after seeing the movie so I hope his character is correct :) I also wrote this late at night so there's that too, lol 😅 By the time I post this it'll be the next morning where I can look at this with a better mindset and edit it.

Yandere! Norman Bates Prompts 12 + 23

"You were never meant to see that! Oh, what have I done...."

"You're crying... come a little closer, I'll make it all go away."

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Stalking, Obsession at first sight, Clingy behavior, Murder, Kidnapping, Delusional behavior, Forced relationship, Darling is naive as serial killers weren't too common in the 1960s, Vomit, Violence, Norman actually has no chill.

Norman had seen many people come to the motel before. Whenever he did grow attached to them, Mother scolded him. Mother never let the guests stay too long anyways.

Despite the desolate feeling of the motel and house, Norman never really felt alone. He's happy, mother's happy, things were great with just the two of them. There didn't need to be anyone else.

Then Norman met you, a tired traveler needing to rest. Norman had noticed you had a friend with you. The man thought nothing of you both, you'd probably end up like all the rest.

Then Norman started talking with you. By just standing in the office of the motel you managed to make him stutter, a shyness enveloping him and intoxicating his mind. You are so easy to talk to. You even seem to shy away from him as he did you.

Norman likes talking with you. He feels like he could talk for hours, actually. Norman sometimes felt this way towards guests... although with you it seems like a stronger feeling. Maybe mother would like this one....

Norman makes a promise to himself to be the best gentleman towards you. To you, he's a kind and sweet man who runs a motel and takes care of his sick mother. The person he didn't like was your friend....

Norman feels ill at the connection you two share. Perhaps he's envious, glowering at your friend and thinking about how close you two are. Norman just met you... you didn't know anything about him... and he already wanted everything to do with you.

"I can get you both some food! Then I'll show you to your rooms." Norman chirps, suddenly in a good mood.

"What rooms are available?" You ask, Norman being very attentive to your voice.

"There's twelve rooms, all vacant. You can have room one while your friend has room four!"

"Uh... we can share-" Your friend pipes up. Norman frowns at their voice, mood souring as soon as they spoke.

"Sorry, I can't do that. There's only one bed in a room and sharing a bed simply won't do! Can't have anything... unsavory, right?"

You and your friend grimace at the implication.

"Yeah, guess not...." You murmur. Norman smiles again, ushering you both outside.

"P-Please, take your room keys and wait for me! I'll deliver some food for the both of you."

You and your friend agree before taking the room keys and heading to your rooms. Norman couldn't stop smiling at the thought of you... he wanted to watch you through the hole in the wall but he had other matters to attend to at the moment.

Not only did he need to feed you... but mother has to know about you, too.

---

Norman consulted his mother about the two new guests he had met later in the night. The thought of you had made him excited! Although... he hates that you came with someone else.

His mother shared a similar sentiment. You seem very kind and just may treat her son right. Yet there was that issue with your little friend.

Norman pleaded with his mother to keep you. He wanted you over for dinner but it was too early for that to happen according to her. Norman was overjoyed when he watched you eat the food he brought back from the house, you said it was great!

Mother likes how you make her son happy. He's always gotten attached easily, though he may have picked right this time. She promises her dear son that she'll help him out a little....

Once she helps with that friend problem, the rest is on him, however.

After all the trouble she has to go through to make Norman happy, she hopes you're worth it.

---

You woke up late at night to the sound of shuffling outside your door. You yawn and try to open your eyes enough to see before wiping the crust from them. You thought it was some sort of animal or that Norman guy doing routine clean up....

Then you heard screaming.

Familiar screaming.

You shoot up with concern on your face, staring at the wooden door with uncertainty. Surely it wasn't anything bad, right...? The idea of being alone and without help frightened you.

The nearest payphone was a long walk.... The sheriff would take forever to come at the hour, too. Maybe you can ask Norman for help?

The screaming had stopped as quickly as it started. It was either silenced or the pain wasn't that bad. Maybe your friend just... hurt themselves?

The idea of a serial killer wasn't a very common idea around this time... which made you a bit naive.

Cautiously you exit your room, intending to find Norman. Looking down to room four you see the room open. Surely Norman was already looking into it....

Trying to calm your racing heart, you try to reassure yourself it's nothing big. There's nothing wrong... maybe your friend saw a roach or something? You walk towards the room. Must be... it couldn't be anything that ba-

You stop in your tracks. No, Norman wasn't in the room already.... Your friend was there, however...

Just with stab wounds in their chest and stomach, their blood pooling onto the floor.

You pause, the shock still clouding your cognitive ability at the moment. You slowly trace your gaze over your friend's corpse... then it sets in. Then it all sits in.

You collapse onto the ground in a spew of vomit. Bile puddles onto the floor, the room smelling of metal and rot. You want to scream... but you're in too much shock.

"Dear-" A voice says from behind you before cutting off. The voice sounds like Norman, yet you can't bear to turn. Does he think you did it?

"You were never meant to see that! Oh, what have I done...." Norman panics. You are confused to what the young man means before it clicks. Norman's a murderer... and you're alone.

"Oh sorry, mother... I wasn't fast enough-" Norman mutters to himself before fully turning his attention to you. "Dear, you look so sick... I should get you cleaned up."

"Don't... call me that..." You manage to croak out, stumbling to your feet quickly. "Stay away from me!"

"Please sit down! You're scared, I can explain!"

Despite being trapped in the room, you try to squeeze past the man. Norman stops you, no amount of brute force working against him. His eyes weren't friendly...

They were cold and a bit nervous.

"We can work this out! I'll get you cleaned up a-and we'll talk! I p-promise you this is a misunderstanding!"

You don't listen and struggle more. Norman frowns at your desperation and attempts to wrangle you back. Both of you get a bit too desperate in your fighting...

Leading to Norman accidentally hitting your head too hard against the wall.

---

When you manage to comprehend your surroundings again you notice you're bandaged and cleaned. Rope ties a wrist of yours to a bed frame and you can tell this is an old unfamiliar house. You begin to panic again, using your other hand to fidget with the knot.

You freeze everything when you hear footsteps come up the stairs. You hold your breathe in anticipation but it wasn't like you could hide. When the door opened... any hope of this being some nightmare diminished.

Norman Bates, the man who supposedly murdered your friend, stood in front of you with a tray in hand.

Norman offers you a smile... one you don't return. He places the tray down on a small table and you notice it's full of food. The moment Norman looks at you... you want to cry.

"Good Morning... darling." Norman chuckles, appearing to like the idea of calling you such a sickeningly sweet name. "I brought breakfast."

"You put me here..." You whimper.

"Of course!" He says in a chipper tone. "M-Mother allowed you to stay... because you make me happy."

You feel yourself grow ill again.

"Why...?" You could've been saying 'why' for a lot of reasons. At this point you didn't care. Any answer probably wasn't good or satisfactory.

"Why...?" Norman looks puzzled. "I-I thought we could just... stay here and t-talk... I d-didn't want to see you go so soon."

"You killed them...."

"Them? I didn't- Mother said they weren't welcome... so she got rid of them. She approved of you, thankfully! Which is great... because I really l-l-like you." Norman confesses nervously.

You drop the conversation there. You weren't in any state for interrogation anyways. Something was wrong with this man... he was not right in the head... you hear yourself sob.

Norman picks up on this and frowns. His little bird was crying.... You must be so overwhelmed by this new place and him.

"You're crying... come a little closer, I'll make it all go away." Norman murmurs in what seemed to be a caring tone. The man sits on the bed a shifts closer. You try to run away with a loud sob, only for Norman to pull you roughly into his chest.

"Shhh..." He comforts, feeling you struggle and push to get away from him. Your sobs were loud yet he didn't mind. He wants to make his little bird feel better. "I'll take good care of you here. You'll never be lonely. It'll just be... us...."

You freeze when he kisses your forehead and presses your face into his chest. In your mind, you're doomed. This guy is insane... and probably was going to force you into something.

Norman, however, didn't plan on such a thing. He felt the love between you was stronger than anything. He wants to be a good boyfriend and husband... all he wants to do is hold you, nothing more.

"You're as cute as a bird." Norman smiles with a twisted attempt at flirting. He pecks your cheek with another kiss. "... I love birds..." Norman pauses, looking at your crying face with adoration. "I knew the moment I spoke with you I'd love you...!"

The twisted declaration of love from Norman sends another fit of sobbing out of you. Norman shushes you once more and keeps you suffocatingly close to his chest. You hated it here... you wished you just drove tired with your friend...

Yet Norman felt you'd enjoy your time here after you got to know each other.

Perhaps you, him, and mother can be happy here in this house together? Just the three of you....

[mejomonster]

So Sherlock Holmes Chapter One (from my naive just-started-playing perspective) seems to be a soft reboot of Frogwares Sherlock games, in the sense its a sort of origin story of Sherlock before he meets John Watson amd is the generally well known investigator with the personality and talents we (overall) expect. Since its a sort of origin story, it opens on a Sherlock (Sherry) with some personality traits in different values to the standard Later Sherlock, and with some skills just not as good yet (his deductions Feel far more fallible as they can be wrong in this game, or impossible to determine for sure if correct, amd from a gameplay perspective a young still growing Sherlock makes this feel more realistic, vice versa from a story perspective the gameplay lets them show Sherlock's young character and growth in the game). As a sort of original origin story, Frogwares has this creative freedom to change Sherlock (and add to/remove/edit) the Series as much as Sherlock adaptations do when they veer into some brand new aspects (like say Elementary, House, Psych). This is still the Sherlock Holmes we mostly know (or rather will BECOME the Sherlock Holmes from the original books mostly), but the changes made to him in Chapter One carry over into The Awakened. The 2nd game using this adapted version of Sherlock Holmes with the character changes and background history context that this original story in Chapter One added to the character. So it makes The Awakened feel more like an adaptation (like say Elementary or House etc) rather than an attempt to be mostly matching Book Sherlock.

Mostly, i like it. I like seeing original ideas and how theyre played with. Its like seeing an AU of sherlock, or a canon compliant add on (like in fanfiction). Its like the stories of Sherlock written after ACDs stories, based on them, but making new Sherlocks to some extent. Or interpreting in new ways by adding new ideas, or changing one or two, or changing setting and seeing how that effects the characters/story (like time period changed in Elementary etc).

I havent played the older Frogwares games (Crimes and Punishments is next on my list to play, maybe The Devils Daughter?), but i assume for the most part theyre going to be what i expect of BOOK Sherlock if put into new cases/situations.

Whereas Chapter One, is one (of a million) possible ideas of who book Sherlock might have been Before. Possibly taken to a bit of an AU route, just because i think in Chapter One they lean into a few character traits and growth arcs (and quirks) that make this Sherlock feel a bit distinctly different from the Original Sherlock cultural expectations from audiences. Chapter One Sherlock wants no friends, no anyone close to him, is bad with people. Thats a trait he gets better at by The Awakened, but its also one that some Adaptations give to Sherlock more than perhaps original Sherlock may actually have. Chapter One Sherlock, most notably, is given an origin story where his mom suffered from intense grief of his father's death, her own mental health deteriorated and she got ill, he felt unable to help (and was sheltered/lied to about the whole situation), was attacked by his mom (which his childhood self somewhat blamed himself for), and she died (and he blocked out the memory it was so painful). The origin story in the game is why he ultimately withdrew from people: he feared hurting them (fearing he hurt his mother), he feared them hurting him (his mom dying, mycroft lying, dad dying), he feared loving and losing them (for understandable reasons). Its not just a trait in general, that he doesnt like socializing with people or simply isnt good at it, in the game its a trait in part Because he's afraid of connecting to people and at least partly is pushing them away on purpose. The origin story in the game also has Sherlock react so strong to his dads death, his general childhood, that he has an imaginary friend Jon he relies on to self sooth. Because its a game, its a wonderfully utilized aspect that lets the player have a companion and Sherlock bounce off ideas aloud (when to a degree its just him working things out to himself). Its a tangible visible manifestation of what Sherlock emotionally goes through inside: his disassociation from reality and his own feelings, his desires FOR companionship and relating to people, his love of mystery and adventure and its escapist purpose for him, his care for people embodied by Jons compassion for others, his morality clearly more than sherlock lets on as he insists he doesnt value connection but does value Jon and Jon values connection so on some level Sherlock does and knows its valuable, its his hopes and fears, his self soothing to heal himself And his coping mechanisms of avoiding his own feelings and reality. Jon is a wonderful way to externalize all that so the audience can understand Sherlock internally, and so Sherlock can understand himself. (It also makes for an interesting original and emotional young Sherlock story).

But it has consequences. Jon is handled very significantly, which means going forward, when THIS chapter one Sherlock is used in future games its no longer just the Expected Overall General Sherlock. Its now a very specifically adapted Sherlock, with the character changes and history from chapter one informing how this new version of Sherlock is unique.

In The Awakened, this is a Sherlock we the player know had his own imaginary friend. We know he'd dissociated before. We know his mom had memory loss and believed her dead husband was alive, and how real it seemed to her while it was also very Painful to her family, we know Sherlock's seen doctors fail to heal mental health and potentially do harm without it being stopped in time. And its very interesting to see a Chapter One adaptation Sherlock in The Awakened scenarios. This version of Sherlock isnt going to question being transported to another dimension: partly because as any Sherlock does, he will assume a logical explanation like having breathed in drugs and hallucinated. But also, this Sherlock has seen things that no one else can like his imaginary friend Jon, his false memories then remembered memories, knows he's lied to himself with his own memories or completely blocked things out before. So it makes sense he wouldnt think a new dimension is weird to see: it could be his own mind making it up, or blocking out whats really there, he'd just accept the current thing he's seeing and act practical. When they go to the mental hospital, he sees the girl talk to her doll and to him its not much different than how he talked to Jon, when the doll talks it doesnt really matter if the girl is pretending to talk for the doll OR if the doll genuinely talks and is sentient. Its the girls business, Sherlock just intends to solve the mystery. He's not better than the girl, he's not judging the girl or her situation, he's quite neutral. He's been to some extent where she is, and still calls out to Jon when afraid, and can understand some of her own perspective. When he meets Becker, and realizes who it is, there's a parallel there between a mom who in Chapter One has the backstory of memory loss (and how Sherlock saw it growing up) and seeing Becker who's had that fate intentionally done to him by the head doctor. So from this version of Sherlock, theres an added weight to how cruel that is viewed by him. This Sherlock sees intentionally making someone forget as an extremely cruel thing to do. He views his own forgetting and then remembering the truth in chapter one, as ultimately a good thing despite being incredibly painful. So we know going into The Awakened that hes going to hate people who cause others to forget, who hurt other's minds or medically abuse others, he's going to have some compassion and understanding for the victims, and he's going to value people remembering the truth and the truth being Revealed to more people as positives. He's going to not question possibly supernatural things, as he's seen things others dont before and might even assume seeing such things is normal For him (so he doesnt question why he might see something Watson doesnt for example). The whole Chapter One shaping of Sherlock Holmes adds this interesting angle on a new Story. It could be any story now, and if Sherlock saw things others didnt we may not know for sure if they were there or just there for Sherlock. It could be any story now, and Sherlock may not question some things and instead consider them normal, and might have a particular hatred for lies and medical abuse to an extent even greater than perhaps expected of other Sherlock adaptations. And in this particular The Awakened story, it has things to play with that make Sherlock interact with the mystery in some ways that i dont think another adaptation might have. (Again, about the girl and her doll, i think a version of Sherlock who'e never had Jon might view and judge her thinking differently, i think a version of Sherlock who'd never forgotten his own memories or had Jon might question going to another dimension or hearing voices a Bit More).

Im only about 50% through the Awakened so feel free to ignore as i may get some things totally wrong. I just find it interesting how some Chapter One writing decisions make this Holmes a new version.

[moonlit-dreamers]

Can you rate all TSAMS Sun ships?

im gonna be careful with this one so im gonna try and avoid the ships that might be/are "incestuous" since i quite enjoy having friends and staying out of drama. once more ill probably forget some character so i apologize </3 (last post i fucking forgot dark sun im so sorry augh). also leaving out poly ships bc, again, this would go on Forever. AND ALSO same as before, the lower the rating the less i ship it and it isnt about me "disliking" it but rather not personally enjoying it

sun/eclipse - 10/10 - there is soooo much flexibility with this ship istg. probably why i always come back to it lol. it can be toxic, abusive, fluffy, enemies to lovers, fix-it, etc. *slaps suneclipse* you can fit so many dynamics in this bad boy

sun/solar - 10/10 - its on equal footing with sun/eclipse especially bc its the first ship i had in this fandom (tho i was very shy </3) cuz its just. ITS SO GOOD! its wonderful hurt/comfort and helping each other heal from the past they had with different versions of the other while also acknowledging that they arent the same and thats what makes them Better

sun/dark sun - 9/10 - do i just like selfcest? yes. yes i do. i think dark sun should let sun go apeshit and they take over the world while holding hands and kissing send post

sun/sunbeam - 8/10 - something something learning from an alternate/older version of yourself. i feel like sun would be able to guide sunbeam through a lot of things bc he understands sunbeam in a way others cant. or maybe i just like selfcest-

sun/moonshine - 7/10 - honestly i dont really Have any ideas for this ship but. i like them. i think itd be cute

sun/ruin - 7/10 - i think they could fix each other /j ghfskgjdfhg in all seriousness itd be fun. again, no ideas, but i like it

sun/solarflare - 6/10 - it most certainly has potential. lil guy with lots of energy x big emotionless robot learning about the world.

sun/foxy - 4/10 - i used to be a HUGE kidscove shipper but then i got bored after i started being more active with dca/dca ships in this fandom. i still think its fun and cute, i just dont like it anymore *shrug*

sun/bloodmoon - 4/10 - i can kinda see it? idk. maybe with v1 bloodmoon but v2? eh? idk man i just watch ppl clump rocks together on the playground and i sit there like "i have no fucking clue what theyre doing but theyre having fun with their rocks" and thats pretty much how i feel about this ship ghjfdghdk

sun/killcode - 3/10 - head empty so i got no comment </3 but i Do see the appeal of big monster x lil guy.

sun/monty - 3/10 - meh. not that interested in it. tho in general i dont really enjoy ships as much if they arent dca/dca rghsrgrgkj but yeah with this its an eh for me

sun/puppet - 2/10 - out of genuine curiosity- does anyone ship this? idk if ive seen it before so i feel like this is some ultra-rarepair shit. shout out to you if you ship this

i feel like im forgetting some ppl but thats okay cuz i can edit them in later when i remember who it is while im trying to sleep <3

[inconspicuousmaker]

Brockton Edition, Worm Musical

(Worm spoilers of course)

Okay

alt version

My initial version focused more on Taylors personal life, the undersides and making freinds.

This version focuses on Brockton more and how taylor changes it.

It dips a bit more into Fanon Queen of escalation territory, but thats to serve showing how she is later in the story without of course having time to slowly develop that as canon does.

It opens with a long song either “the Ballad of Brockton Bay” or “Brocktonite Blues”

The song goes around the entire city setting up the diffrent gangs. Form E88 to Protocterate. And describing how terrible and hard living in Brockton is. Finally the song get to The undersides who jsut so happen to be in the process of robbing a bank. They burst on to the stage in smoke (Grues power) and we get Skitters threat of spiders.

song done the bank robbery happens and the wards show up. (Includes Amy though maybe no Vicky)

Next song is the fight between the groups the undersides escaping back to the loft.

at this point the audience is primed that they’re villains including Taylor.

im debating wether its better to reveal her trying to be a hero now or at the same time it’s revealed to the undersides, but i think now works better.

after some bonding at the loft and showing that they’re clearly all freinds and some comments about “the new girl beign terrifying” (that’s regent of course talking) Rachel leaves at some point and eventually So does taylor. We linger a second longer with Lisa and Brian. Brian asking Lisa if Taylors committed to them. Lisa of course reassures him that she 100% on their side.

also get some hints about a boss whos happy with them, aswell as the data that Tattletale stole.

Cut to the old ferry terminal skitters waiting around when Armsmaster pulls up. He was referenced earlier by one of the wards on coms so the audience would know he’s someone important both from them and from the opening song which would’ve mentioned him.

you get the back and forth as i mentioned in my first post like the Wormliton one. This reveals that taylor is trying to work undercover and also that she slighted Armsmaster by giving him a a dying man. The audience would be a bit confused most likely which is intentional. Thoguh the opening song would have a reference to the spider capturing the dragon so a keen listener or on repeat listens would appreciate it.

If they’re confused thoguh thats okay as after the two finish their song argument Taylor gets a call telling her that Bitch is missing and to meet them to search for her.

We then get Bakuda fight and song “I’m the bomb”? (No, i can do better. Hhmmmm. Ill think on it. Maybe some reference to Jirai Kei? Bomb-tastic? Bombass Bitch? Bomb on the Brain? Bomb in the brain? More Baku-da (like more Dakka)?okay these are getting worse and worse, ill stop.)

She of course mentions Lung beign taken down and how shes in charge.

undersiders lose fight of course but escape.

(im hoenslty not sure wether this whole scene is worth it. It would take up at leat 10 mintues and in manhy ways doesnt progress the plot. If i ever did a more detaield script i imagine this would either be cut or reworked. Maybe use it to show Taylor not being listened to and have it somehow tie into the themes better?)

tensiton rises between the group and they need to go to a villain hospital.

Coil reveals himself and says he’ll be there to give direct orders. Taylors pissed of course and thinking of leaving as soon as she learns more about him, but Lisa tells her about Dinah in a form of blackmail because Lisa needs Taylor to escape Coil and knows that Taylor wouldnt abandon a child.

We then get Coil talking to the group about hwo this is all good acutally and serves their purposes. He talks about plan to divide the city up between them (no travvelers) and how the information Tattletale stole is key to it. (maybe a song about how theyd rule the city thats manipulative adn mixes in the levearge he has over each of them, somehow knwoing that Taylor knows about Dinah and subtly threatening her as he does in canon. This also serves as undersides characterization as Unfortunalty we dont have much time for it elsewhere.)

they turn on a news report and the scene shift to them in the loft as the report plays (this is where id cut to if the Bakuda scene was cut. With Colin specifically leaving the meeting with Taylor to deal with the situation.)

The news talks abput medhall being revelaed as a E88 front and their identities. Pair this with Bombs from Bakuda and now Purity tearing up the city and the whole place is in chaos.

Taylors pissed and convinces the undersiders to go out and help, Lisa of course feelign she owes taylor this and so convinces Brian.

We then get an E88 confrontation. Tensions rise even higher when the heroes arrive and fight the undersiders who are trying to help. A song starts about them all fighting, and jsut beofre it gets going all noise cuts off as a siren plays.

All fighitng stops and the groups join toghether as more and more ccapes arrive.

rain lights and noises cast the stage in blue and no music plays.

Legend gives speech and a thin curtain drops.

we then get back and froth between shadows cast on the curtain running around and fighting. Adn people walking on stage and announcing deaths. (100% stolen from someone on reddit who came up with the no music announcing the names of the dead one after the other.) Occasionaly a cut in will come from Skitter, Lisa, Armsmaster, Or legend (Nobody wold know who Alexandria or Dragon is, so not worth it).

On the shadow play we eventually get clearly Skitter and Armsmaster fighting Leviathan and the following betrayal.

The announcer for names walks on stage and announces Skitters death.

Okay, now this woudl break traditional structure. But i think the curtain for the first act should close right then. Is it a big ending number, no. But the audience should still be engaged. The main character jsut died! I think its a fun twist that woudl be intresting and would do a good job keeping a tone for the play.

Act two would then open with Taylor lying in a pile of rubble her arm chopped off so the armband registered her as dead. (The shadow work if you where paying attention would’ve shown this).

she starts singing a solo that starts soft and quite. It talks about how she jsut wanted to be a hero. She thought she could help. She thought she could make the city a better place. She tried working with the heroes. She tried beign nice.

As she’s singing it shows her beign healed and brought to the tents and then leaving to walk the city. (Amy was set up in bank so healing makes sense to the audience. And yes we’re skipping any drama at the healing tents.)

as she’s walking the city she bemoans how the heroes have done nothing for years. We get some references to the opening song and we see merchants and other gangs on the street.

No, the heroes had their turn. It’s hers.

Gangers are scared off by what are shown as bugs. Drug piles are eaten. E88 graffiti is replaced with (actually i forget what symbol her territory uses) and the song of course gets more forceful. It’s all about how she know what’s right, that she should be in control etc.

I imagine it woudl be called something like “8th plague diplomacy” a reference of course to gunship diplomacy and Lisas line at the end of canon referencing how taylor forces everyone else to follow her.

I know this is a quick transition but I genuinely don’t know how we’d get this type of character beat done in such a small time frame without a transition like this. I did my best to set it up and foreshadow it with stuff like keeping the spiders in the opening bank heist and forcing the undersides to go help with the E88.

That’s what i got so far for this one.

Im sure I’ll finish writing this at some point.

The remaining beats are beating up all the gangs (probably merchants next)

Lung escapes for a final dragon fight?

maybe my arms a master song form other post would fit in.

Take down Coil of course.

Reveal to undersides of plans on betrayal?

idk, theres stuff to figure out.

the advantages of this plot over my initial one is theres a lot more action adn progress to the story. And it holds room for more machinations and schemes.

But it does lack the deeper charter work and if the actress playing Taylor and the script wasn’t good enough to get the audience on her side without a large portion of the first act being focused on why she feels wronged adn putting the audience in her shoes then the whole thing falls apart.

so its a gamble.

O!

also need to talk about how each character has leitmotifs associated to them and how that would help manage such a large cast aswell as guide the audience with keeping track of whose on what side and such.

[n0bluev]

Somehow, im inspired to write that 'revision fic'. === (EDIT : u can skip but heres another snippet for u (3 separate bits that fit together nicely, actually haha) cuz hihi. THE AU: As i said, its a failed "3"rd regression context, where yjh is now in his "4"th round. The last memory he has of kdj is him dying, and to make things worse "In this round, that guy doesn't exist." is a thing, so yjh freaks out a bit but hes totally normal about this whole ordeal & the fact that he doesnt even remembers kdj's face now. Wdym! Hes fiiiiiine!

sorry lol back to the actual post : (,hope u enjoyed that little treat tho^^)) ===

!!THAT [Somehow, im inspired to write [...]] HAS NEVER HAPPENED TO ME BEFORE!!. I always like. do an outline for the overall story and vibe, then flesh out the start or something and cook up a little 500 (probably unsatisfying) words for fun kind of as a bonus. Keep it mostly for my private enjoyment and move on before the story comes to life. And that's okay... Yes, it would be cooler to actually write the AU ideas i get in novel or comic form instead of having them stay at just the 'sketch' & 'idea/brainstorm' phase before i get another idea and leave them to dust up in the pile,,

But yeah, its okay.

In the few years since ive started getting ideas for more elaborate aus/fics, ive noticed that my ideas improved with time. (no shit, i know, but it makes me happy! i grew up!!! i can see it.) My planning methods are better too. So all of that unfinished or abandoned stuff is not at all useless work in my eyes. And who knows, maybe one day i'll bring them back.

--> as a plus, all my fandom brainrot experiences even get transferred into my OC stuff, and frl whenever i read my notes these days (or listen to my voice memos lol) and im just like "HOW DID I THINK OF THIS WOW" or "WHEN DID I PUT THIS LIKE THIS? IT WORKS!" (not to brag or anything but my oc lore goes hard ☝️)

BUT. NOW THIS IS UNEXPECTED.

I DID NO PLANNING. I just started writing for orv and its. Lowkey, good ???? Dont get me wrong i only have 1.5k right now and there are clear holes i have to fill and stuff but... CLEAR HOLES! CLEAR HOLES. Sure Im used to being like "something of the sort should go there..." BUT THIS TIME ITS "THIS SHOULD GO THERE, ILL WRITE IT LATER BUT THE IMAGE IS IN MY MIND, CLEAR AS WATER, AND ONCE I START PUTTING IT ON THE PAGE ISTG THOSE WORDS WILL STREAM OUT OF MY FINGERS AS IF IT WAS A NORMAL OCCURENCE FOR ME" ,,- !??? Yo!

Anyways. Point is that somehow theres interesting stuff going on in my gg doc and the more i write the more i know where i want to go, so that's cool, i feel all powerfull for once

idk if that ease is going to stay once im done with the first scenes (ughh!!! theres so much potential!!!!!!!!) but hopefully yes. either way ill probably post it so im not baiting yall with a "um actually im writing smt rn --- *never shares with the class*" --- either 1) things go well and i write a "real fic" (!? wtf that wasnt my plan!) --- or 2) i only post the finished version of what i have now (expect around 5k? (i have no idea actually)) and we wait together to see if i pick up the idea again haha. (i do wish to write it tho! im not a 'writer' writer but i want to be one, u get me?)

! thank u see u byebye

[fablecore]

i was curious what you thought of the live-action One Piece now that season one is out! personally, i have the same compliants as Geoff of Mother's Basement (youtu.be/43K-H_dtQ9g?si=2n0MLLPmdw0vARk7) where, personally, my main compliants were (1) how clean some of these well-worn outfits and set-pieces were and the bigger one was (2) how Garp was altered but i, like Geoff, have my hopes that s2 can fix that by showing that this is the experience (mostly part from Mihawk) that changed Garp into more of the Garp we see in the manga. "a high 8 or low 9 out of 10" indeed. overall, i think its okay as an adaptation! i like Sanji's perviness being toned down, i dont mind most of the shuffling and changing because it is an adaptation with timeslots and seasons unlike a limitless manga with arcs however long it wants. i can understand if you or others dont like the live-action adaptation though! i just like that it was a good gateway to help me turn some of my friends into One Piece fans, less scared of how BIG One Piece is now the live-action has given them a limited taste, towards the manga or the OnePace.net-editted version of the anime (though i do still plan to have them watched some of the anime-only filler that is fun lmao maybe ill throw a sleepover or something, idk, i just like how OnePace fine-tunes the padded-out pacing problem the later One Piece episodes have) thats the main plus of the live-action adaptation to me

but im curious about your thoughts if you have any?? its okay if you never plan to watch it, i know a few other fans like that and i dont mean for my wuestion to be all peer-pressure-y or anything ♡

i've never heard of onepace until now! i'm in the same boat, i've been watching opla with my sister who's kind of interested in starting one piece but is also intimidated by the anime's episode count. maybe we can watch onepace instead. thanks for letting me know ☺️

i've only seen the first two episodes (but don't care at all about spoilers and have seen a lot already). i didn't like the first episode, zoro particularly, but the second was fun! well... it was camp. combined, i would give it the verdict of "aggressively okay" but this isn't a judgement on anyone who liked it. if you did, i'm happy you had a good time. i just have cinema brain.

what i liked so far: helmeppo's >:O face and his puma trainers. the vfx team in charge of luffy's rubberyness. buggy's "surprise, shithead!" nami's den den mushi earpiece/cellphone.

the rest:

zoro’s zombified no energy go girl give us nothing monotone. 😐 <- why did they tell him to make this face in every shot

they cut the scene where luffy gives zoro his swords back and replaced it with helmeppo ass

"a man needs to be strong. but he also needs to be good.” you are going to cut off a pirate rookie's arm and then obliterate his ship and crew later 👍

what is this whole thing about being "morally good" and "one of the good guys" and "a good pirate" it's ICKY

justice for silly winky vain nami. how are they going to do the personality shift into broody serious arlong park nami when she's been broody and serious the whole time

nami spent like 30 minutes unlocking one (1) locked cage. i guess it's because she and zoro needed to talk/get some exposition in, and i'm not going to suggest a better option because i don't want to rewrite half the script. i just found it amusing because normally it's "suspend your disbelief when a character does something amazing for the plot" and not "when a character is noticeably worse at something they really have no business being this bad at. for the plot"

i'm starting to think that zoro and nami lost core personality traits because the writers wanted them to be luffy foils instead of their actual characters

i did hear taz was the best/most charismatic actor out of the straw hats. i'm assuming this is because they let him be sanji instead of making him into a luffy foil since they have enough luffy foils

cameraperson's love affair with low angle closeups and fisheye lens. i don't hate it (it's camp) just pointing it out

i'm literally so serious about mackenyu's insufferable zoro voice. whenever i hear him talk in that joyless southern california kardashian vocal fry my blood pressure shoots through the roof. who made him do that

even though i have issues with the writing, i think objectively opla has done a decent job of pleasing fans. i'm not one of them but i know there's a lot. but on a technical and artistic level... deep sigh palms pressed together listen... i was hoping for spellbinding artistry from the showrunners. beautifully lit scenes, beautiful camerawork, excellent technical chops, lingering shots of luffy's bruised knuckles, the slightly frayed fabric on zoro's swords, a super close-up of a log pose with the crew talking behind the compass needle, their bodies distorted by the glass. fingerprints on kerosene lamps. barnacles on rotting wood. a searingly hot-blue summer sky (super saturated in post) over shells town or wherever. i wanted lush gorgeous rich interesting artistic ideas from the directors and cinematographers. i haven't seen any of that so far, and what i have seen doesn't compel me to watch more. i'm not saying the actual cinematography was bad! just. okay. it was okay.

(but also some of the nighttime/underlit scenes are bad. put a dang key light on your actors 🤺)

concluding thoughts: at the end of the day, if netflix wants to keep throwing millions per episode at tomorrow studios, i'm fine with overlooking mediocre filmmaking and storytelling. i want everyone in the production crew to get their bag. i hope this show runs for another 50 seasons and is powered by union labor forever and ever until the end of time amen

[veeranger]

Vee’s Steam Summer Sale 2023 Recommendations

as always these are just personal opinions etc etc please look up some real reviews before buying a game if you aren’t sure and remember that steam will give you a full refund if you have less than 2 hours played in under 2 weeks.

im going to try to recc stuff i havent shilled every 6 months for the last 5 years but the VNs are going to be the same as always honestly

Fighting Games

Guilty Gear -Strive- Ultimate Edition 2022 ($55.99)

yes im specifically saying buy ultimate edition because it has all the dlc as of this writing. buy the base version if you want but i hate playing fighting games with incomplete rosters.

anyway this is my favorite fighting game, bar none. this is the game that after years of screwing around on a bunch of other games finally got me to really want to get better and actually play against other people. there’s a super active playerbase and at least another year of support from arcsys on the way. the best time to start playing strive was a year ago but the second best time is right now.

Idol Showdown (Free)

yes im shilling a free game here. idol showdown is a good fighting game and the result of like three years of hard work from a small team. try it out and give them some love

Nitroplus Blasterz: Heroines Infinite Duel ($4.99)

this is not a good game but it is a funny game. saber is in it.

Narrative Games

AI: The Somnium Files - $7.99

one of the finest mystery games you can play imo. maybe uchikoshi’s best work. a perfect blend of mystery, character, and style. every character and conversation is compelling in its own way and every little thing builds up to the huge moments which makes them all feel totally earned. as always uchikoshi is a genius in the way he blends his signature branching timeline style with the themes and core concepts of the game. the twists and turns this game goes down are so crazy that weeks later you’ll still be realizing how all the little things you thought were just quirks were actually foreshadowing. cannot recc this enough tbh.

Zero Escape: The Nonary Games - $11.99

another uchikoshi joint, also extremely good. ive only finished 999, the first game in this collection, but i can recc it just based on the strength of that alone. whereas somnium is a murder mystery, 999 is a visual novel about being trapped in a murder game interspliced with escape room segments. whatever you think you know you dont, 999 will take you down so many twists and turns you’ll be fucking dizzy when you’re done with it. big recc.

VA-11 HALL-A: Cyberpunk Bartender Action - $10.04

i could probably talk about this game for as long as the others, even though its way way less complex. va-11 hall-a doesnt have a huge sweeping story with insane twists and massive reveals, but what it does have is an extremely personal narrative about loss, healing, and just living your life the best way you can in a horrible dystopian world. the cast of characters feel utterly real and you learn about the world they inhabit through interactions with them, rather than being infodumped by exposition. everyone has their own story and everyone is just trying to get by, including you. one of the best small scale personal narrative games ive ever played.

Night In The Woods - $9.99

another vn i would consider “small scale” but equally as impactful. nitw is a story about a disillusioned and struggling college drop out returning to her economically declining home town. nobody is secure, nobody is happy, everyone is suffering through their daily lives. you follow mae as she struggled to readjust to her childhood home and the people she left behind. until something happens that changes her priorities radically. all ill say. despite how i just made it sound, nitw is not all depressing. theres lighthearted moments and wacky days to cut through the bleak fog, as well as genuinely heartfelt moments that feel very earned. nitw is a game i think that everyone struggling through their 20s should play.

Grim Fandango Remastered ($3.79)

i know this is an old school adventure game and you might yell at me for sort of grouping it in with the VNs but i dont care. its a classic, its a beautiful game, everyone should play it. its old, it controls like shit, the puzzles are obtuse, but the experience is wonderful and memorable. its cheap as hell just go for it.

Action

Assault Spy ($4.99)

this goofy ass game is fun as hell. its a very dmc style character action with upgrades and moves to buy, and it actually has a pretty goddamn good mechanical system in place. the gameplay loop rules. only warning is this is not well optimized so watch your computer doesnt explode.

Marvel’s Spider-Man Remastered ($40.19)

i shouldn’t even have to shill. a must play for any spider-man fan. one the best spider-man stories ever hands down. such an incredible experience seriously. i cant even say enough here, if you haven’t played this yet you should do it asap.

Marvel’s Spider-Man: Miles Morales ($33.49)

everything i just said for the first game goes here too. a MUST play for miles morales fans. the combat is even better than the first too. you won’t regret playing this trust me.

Marvel’s Avengers - The Definitive Edition ($5.99)

no i’m not joking. ok well i kind of am but this game is getting delisted in september. it is an unforgivably mid piece of shit but if you have an interest in game preservation or playing something so bad they’re killing it forever, well here it is. they made all the microtransactions free btw.

Others

Tinykin ($13.75)

its like pikmin but its legally distinct! i like this game a lot, it has a very cute art style and its got easy to enjoy gameplay. i find it very relaxing. there’s a demo.

System Shock 2 ($2.49)

i will never stop shilling this game. fucking play it. its a cornerstone of video games. one of the most influential pieces ever put to pixel. you owe it to yourself to experience this if you feel any interest in it. maybe read a guide though its unforgiving if you screw around with your build.

Dead Space [2023] ($41.99)

exceptionally good. i dont have to shill the old shitty pc port of the original anymore. an A+ remake, i think it improves on the original in every conceivable way.

Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night ($11.99)

such a goddamn good metroidvania. its almost like the platonic ideal of a castlevania game. a true spiritual successor to SOTN. this isnt your dime a dozen soulslike vania, this is a true vania game in the best original style made by basically one of the core founders of the genre.

STAR WARS™ Knights of the Old Republic™ II - The Sith Lords™ ($3.49)

its a fuckin classic rpg. one of the best of the era. get it on pc so you can get that extended content mod they promised to import to the console version and then cancelled.

Save Room - Organization Puzzle ($2.09)

this is just a cute puzzle game. i like it.

[eyedelater]

junji ito post

this is a diary post of my thoughts while reading various works by junji ito.

i found the beautiful hardcover edition of GYO at my local library, so i borrowed that on a whim. i read that. then i thought i would watch the movie version because i wanted to see how they would tackle, you know… all aspects of the work. the movie was so lousy i quit watching less than halfway through. maybe i'll pick it up again sometime. but i'm a stickler for honoring the source material, and they inserted so much weird and dumb fanservice, it was intolerable. then i wondered what other anime adaptations existed of junji ito works. so i watched the 2022 netflix series JUNJI ITO MANIAC. i thought it was, on the whole, somewhat weak, but i did watch every episode. then i got more junji ito books from my local library, including TOMIE, UZUMAKI, DESERTER, LOVESICKNESS, REMINA, and VENUS IN THE BLIND SPOT. i also watched the series JUNJI ITO COLLECTION and read more stories online. i wanted this post to encompass all of ito-sensei's works, but after reading most of them, i decided to read the rest some other time. you can scroll to near the end of this post for an incomplete list of ito-sensei's works that i find to be worth reading. this post contains some spoilers, but i think spoilers don't matter too much for horror manga, as it's the visuals that really count.

i should preface everything by saying that i have known of junji ito for many years. when i was in high school… well, a short summary would be that in 9th grade, i saw a traumatizing gory video that messed me up and made me afraid of the dark despite being 14 years old, and i was especially afraid of dark spaces like the cracks between things. i slept on a mattress pressed into the corner of a room, and i was still afraid of the gap between the mattress and the wall. i wouldn't face my back to it all night. the cabinet door under the bathroom sink didn't shut all the way, and i would watch that dark gap through the clear shower curtain for 100% of my time in the shower to make sure nothing came out. (i made my dad get a clear shower curtain for that reason.) i was mentally ill, you see. did you know that sometimes, knowing a fear is irrational does nothing to make you not afraid? (i'm better now.) so there's the baseline, and then, due to the whims of my internet friend group, i felt compelled to read junji ito's THE ENIGMA OF AMIGARA FAULT. it struck the worst possible chord with me: now i knew that what could be lurking in the dark cracks between things is a stretched and disfigured human body being blissfully, eternally compelled through its own personal tunnel. THAT is what's in between my mattress and the wall. THAT is what could slip through the crack in the bathroom cabinet door. can i put into words how awful it was to think about? but of course, being rational at the same time, i acknowledged even then that the manga itself was kinda good. to come up with such an unpleasant idea is worthy of praise in itself. so i came to respect junji ito. but i haven't read that story again, and i won't. (they had the nerve to stick it in as a bonus story at the end of the GYO hardcover. i didn't even flip through. i will not read that story again.) several years later, i read UZUMAKI and thought it was good. and i think i read one or two TOMIE stories and then lost interest. (oh and i read the cat diary with yon and mu with no hesitation because i knew it wouldn't actually be scary. it was fun.)

so i had the impression that junji ito was very powerful and worthy of my respect. that's why i picked up GYO at my local library. i was pretty sure it was going to be good, and there was also a distant element of facing my fears.

GYO was pretty good. the way humans became disfigured after infection reminded me of Mermaid Swamp, an RPGmaker game i played a while ago and lost sleep over. i can't say i recommend it, but i do like RPGmaker horror games… anyway, GYO was well-composed and certainly Extensive in Scope. you know, it just keeps piling on and on. but it all came together… kind of. but when we got the circus part, i had to be like, "seriously?"

then i watched JUNJI ITO MANIAC. i find that netflix-produced animes have a certain flavor, a tinge that says, "netflix execs really really really really want to make money from this!!!" so to the extent that there is production value, it feels like it has been expended for the sake of making it Look like the anime is good, and not for actually making the anime good, if that makes sense. i feel that there is some heart missing… some loving devotion to the source material. at least some of the time. after watching the whole series, i came across many of the source stories in the short story collections i read. the anime adaptations were generally faithful to the short stories, and i appreciate that. but there is a difference between "turning a manga into an anime" and "turning a manga into a good anime." it is the difference between "this manga scene is now happening in motion" and "the tension and emotion of the original scene has been successfully translated into motion." and actually, it kind of felt like… for some of these… we didn't need to animate them? the thing about horror manga is that your own feelings of horror set the pace. maybe you are pulled quickly forward by suspense, but your eye lingers on the most hideous pages against your will. if the scariest part flashes up too briefly when translated into anime, it won't have as much of an effect. so it felt as though the timing for the scariest parts was weirdly rushed in some of the anime episodes. even watching without knowing the source material, i got the distinct impression that the manga had to be much better than this. [note added in later: sometimes, they actually weren't much better.] they got some of the faces wrong, too. you know how junji ito has his distinctive style where sunken eyes are expertly depicted with many small lines? it's a striking look. it looks great. classic. the way they showed those sunken eyes in the anime was unbelievably lame. it was an airbrushed look. i know they couldn't have animated it with many small lines, but shading it with a harder edge would have looked a thousand times better. or cel shading. come up with a creative solution to capture the effect. also, some of the voices were really annoying. i mean, i guess souichi's voice being annoying is appropriate. (what is souichi's deal? isn't he just really annoying? i haven't read any of his short stories yet.) anyway probably the best story in this series was the hanging balloons. i haven't read that story yet either. i have a feeling the manga is much scarier. but the anime has the advantage of showing the movement of the balloons. the way it will loop around your neck and fling you away in a second was well done.

(revelation) i see… so basically… the JUNJI ITO MANIAC series was the second junji ito series netflix made. so these are all the second-tier stories that they didn't care to animate in the first series? is that right? that makes sense. i'll have to watch the other series soon. [note added in later: wrong. JUNJI ITO COLLECTION was about the same.]

some of ito-sensei's stories are bizarrely anticlimactic. because it is horror manga, i set aside my usual expectation of a happy ending; i am expecting an ending that is either disastrous or faintly hopeful despite everything. but i was expecting an ending, and some of these short stories don't have much of one. like "the bully" (ijimekko). i thought it wasn't very good. i thought it was a miss. i think maybe that one didn't need to be animated, for that reason. but after reading several, i have come to accept that an anticlimactic ending is standard for his short stories. i got used to it. i guess his intention is to end a scary story without much denouement, before the terror fades away, so as to leave a stronger impact. [note added in later: it turns out that in an interview, he said pretty much exactly that.] but i think it wasn't executed successfully every time.

i read the LOVESICKNESS collection of short stories. the story of the beautiful boy at the crossroads was pretty good. i find it kind of strange how romantic love is a strong and frequently recurring theme in ito-sensei's work, and not just in this particular collection. well, the whole way he depicts women has a certain flavor, doesn't it.

i read REMINA. i don't have very strong feelings about this one except that remina the girl sure doesn't have very much agency as a character. all she does is get pursued and picked up and pulled around by everyone on earth. i thought that as a climax, there might actually be some fun and exciting link between her and remina the planet, since at first that it seemed to attack the most when she was being crucified or whatever, but there was no such thing. remina the planet just made a beeline for earth and then started taking its time on the devouring part for no reason.

i spent my whole saturday reading TOMIE from cover to cover. it was pretty good. i think it's really funny how tomie herself evolves (in terms of character development) to be such a needy brat. and i think it's funny how all the tomies want to kill each other. i like how a tomie regenerating under certain circumstances takes on some characteristics of her surroundings, like the ashes tomies and the sake tomies and the carpet tomie. i also think it's really funny how tomie really doesn't want to split into more than one but she's sooo prone to it and she haaates it. overall, i was more amused than really scared by TOMIE. important note: there's probably quite a lot to be said if you read these stories through an explicitly feminist lens, but i don't care to do that right now.

i'm looking at wikipedia now and realizing there is a nearly endless supply of junji ito short stories. my local library does not have all of these. they have six or seven volumes, which is a ton given the extent of their manga collection, and i kinda thought that was all, but it's not. i'll have to read some of these online. however, there is a dilemma. given my history of getting afraid of the dark and its debilitating effects on my life, i want to avoid giving myself that feeling again (and i know it is possible), so i never read or watch anything scary at night. but i don't read manga online unless it is on my laptop or ipad. and i don't have my laptop or ipad with me in the daytime, only in the evenings… maybe i'll bring my ipad to work…? [note added in later: i made it work by reading in the early evening. this is the kind of thing i really worry about.]

i guess i've had a complicated relationship with horror media in that i like it, and most of the time it doesn't Hit in a bad way, but i need to make sure to take precautions when i consume it or else i could seriously lose a lot of sleep. even just typing out that paragraph about my ordeal in high school left me with a terribly nervous feeling because i wrote it at night and relived unpleasant memories. but i can still turn a lightswitch off and then walk out of a dark room without pressing my back against a wall. so i'm miles ahead of where i was back then. that's a relief.

i will note that this whole time, i kiiinda thought junji ito's "ito" miiight just be ito 糸 (thread). i mean, i knew his name (romanized) long before i ever learned that "ito" means "thread." it's only natural that in my ignorance, i might form some association between them. but it's totally not thread. who would be named that? (there's probably somebody.) it's actually itou 伊藤. junji itou. itou junji. but no one romanizes it like that. it's the same itou as the itou in delicious ITO EN jasmine tea, which goes really well with unfrosted blueberry pop tarts. if you're planning to try it with frosted pop tarts, don't even bother. oi ocha is good too.

while watching MANIAC, i was like, what is souichi's deal…? now i'm watching the first episode of JUNJI ITO COLLECTION and i've realized that souichi could be an enjoyably ridiculous character but they gave him a completely insufferable voice actor and thus made him insufferable. i wonder if they had the perfectly reasonable thought, "we can't make his voice nice or else he could become sexy to teen girls, and that idea is apprehensible," and then they overcorrected. perhaps they could've made it less awful and safely unsexy by giving him a realistic teenage boy voice. they could even make it appropriately obnoxious without going too far. i have to read the souichi series and then i'll be able to love him. i can't love him with this shitty voice <3 [note added in later: it turns out souichi is in 6th grade and 11 years old. he's not even a teen. that means my sexy voice hypothesis, by all rights, ought to be moot. i still think they made the wrong voice actor choice. i mean, not that the actor didn't give it his all. but he sounds like an annoying man or teen, not an annoying kid. souichi needed a kid voice.]

JUNJI ITO COLLECTION failed to successfully adapt the story of the beautiful boy at the crossroads. as a multi-chapter story with a relatively strong narrative, it should have been given at least a whole episode or an OVA-length animation to tell the whole story at once, but instead, they abbreviated it and never followed up with the rest. that being said, the main problem was that they didn't make the narrative as clear as in the manga. well, whatever. i'm going to watch through COLLECTION even though it's lousy.

i read the compilation book entitled VENUS IN THE BLIND SPOT. apart from noticing that they had the audacity to include the enigma of amigara fault again, none of the stories especially stuck with me except the cute love letter manga to kazuo umezz. i'll have to read some of his stuff next. speaking of other horror manga, i bought and read the english translation of "inuki kanako no daikyoufu" (Be Very Afraid of Kanako Inuki!) by inuki kanako because i wanted to support my local comic book shop. i kinda picked it at random based on the cover and paid full cover price. i kinda didn't like it. i don't have much to say about it except that her perfectly neckless art style is fun. maybe i'll read her tatari series sometime.

i'm remembering that when i read UZUMAKI for the first time, despite having watched many horror movies, i failed to consider the narrative expectations for works in the horror genre; that is, i had not resigned myself to a bad ending, which i now understand is very much to be expected. so i was really rooting for kirie and shuichi the whole time, and at the end, when they fail to escape the spiral, i was like "ok fuck me then i guess." i was pissed. but what i'm saying is that i was wrong to be pissed because my expectations were unreasonable. in retrospect, it was an appropriate ending.

there's that one tumblr post making fun of kirie and her fucked up boyfriend. it has a couple of panels where shuichi's looking deadened and she puts her head on his shoulder. i think that post is mean. i'm on shuichi's side! be nice to him! you saw what happened to his dad! have a heart!

JUNJI ITO COLLECTION episode 7 was probably the best so far, just because they did a pretty good job with the used record one. if the singer hadn't done a good job, it would have flopped. the song adds so much that is impossible to portray in the form of manga. it spooked me enough that i'm not going to watch any more episodes tonight, which did not happen with any other episodes of COLLECTION or MANIAC.

i was right. manga souichi is much more lovable than anime souichi, because though their faces are equally obnoxious, manga souichi has no obnoxious voice. the souichi stories are kind of refreshing because we get to see junji ito's strange sense of humor without anything too scary happening. my first souichi exposure was the 4 walled room episode in MANIAC, meaning i missed his introduction that appears in COLLECTION, so i was like "who the fuck is this? our protagonist, kouichi, is going to die in the gap between these walls. what? nothing in particular happened at the end. (souichi appears in another episode) this guy's in more than one??" but in the end, i kind of like how he's in 6th grade and his main powers are supercharged annoying personality and also being able to administer real curses. and despite the horrible voice, most of the souichi segments seem to have been adapted with incredible accuracy. souichi's recurring associated sound effect in the manga is "gachu gachu," the slightly clankety sound of him sucking on nails. one scanlator translated it as "munch munch;' another as "nom nom." i've never seen "gachu gachu" before.

ito-sensei's art peculiarities: he is the master of the "lovely face looking concerned." great skill with sunken eyes looking upset and exhausted. in the profile view, everyone has that distinctive frown. poses are sometimes a little awkward as if drawn from a clumsily posed posable model. chins sometimes don't make sense if the perspective isn't straight on or in profile. occasionally, his unique sense of humor shines through in the facial expressions. he's very good at drawing cutely styled hair and plain, elegant clothes. he also draws scary things.

the short story "fashion model" features fuchi, the fashion model. she debuted in the souichi story "rumors." i love fuchi. i'm on her side. when she's riding in the car with everyone much shorter than her and politely excited to go to the deep woods, that's cute. i like when she hitches up her long dress to run quickly in the woods. in "fashion model: cursed frame," fuchi appears in a magazine shot with two other models smiling happily, and that's cute. i want more fuchi content. (also, fuchi is pronounced the same as huci, the ainu word for grandmother. irrelevant.)

junji ito short stories are really hit-or-miss, i've decided. UZUMAKI, GYO, and TOMIE are essentially hit, and that's why he's popular, but a lot of these one-shots, they do not hit.

many of the strange evils in ito-sensei's works seem to be town-restricted. it seems that in most cases, if you get out of town, everything's fine. town where bodies turn into tombstones. town where everyone needs maps to navigate. town where it's foggy and everyone does fortune-telling. town contaminated by spirals. let's all exit towns.

i think ito-sensei can tell when an idea is good and when an idea is bad. generally, the better ideas are longer stories, and the worse ideas are shorter stories. i guess an exception would be hell doll funeral. that one was short but good. another exception is the bully. that one was bad but long.

i think ito-sensei's stories would be better if he applied his skill at drawing unique face shapes to drawing main characters instead of using unique face shapes only for the sake of showing "ugliness" in comparison to the uniformly beautiful main characters. as if ugliness is horror.

most of the characters in his stories are very shallow, but that's okay; they are only here in service of the narrative, to react to whatever hideous sights are laid before them... or to take part in them.

he is really a master of rictus...

it's funny, i just read a ton of ito-sensei's works from the 90s and very early 2000s, and then i accidentally jumped to one from the past few years because the entries on his wikipedia page aren't in chronological order (someone fix that), and now youtubers are appearing and twitter is a plot point. also, the quality of the work is quite visually different, as he switched to digital. it feels very, very polished now. i wonder why they don't have these at my local library.

here are the junji ito works that are worth reading, in my view (not in any order) :

the hanging balloons - this vision is truly inspired. you can also read "return of the hanging balloons," but it's hardly anything.

souichi's series, including: fun summer vacation, fun winter vacation, souichi's diary of delights, souichi's home tutor, mannequin teacher [probably the best], souichi's birthday, souichi's selfish curse, the room with four walls, coffin, rumors, souichi's beloved pet, secret of the haunted house, and the souichi front [also known as secret of the haunted house: souichi's version]. - not every single one of these is fantastic, but some of them are quite good. if you only want a little taste, read "souichi's home tutor" and then "mannequin teacher," as they distinctly go together. you can also read "souichi possessed," but it's hardly anything.

splatter film [also called smashed] - another truly inspired vision. if you don't get it, the joke is mosquitoes.

used record [also called secondhand record] - read it and then watch episode 7 of junji ito collection.

fashion model - get to know my girl fuchi. you can also read "fashion model: cursed frame," but it's not much.

village of the siren - this one has a unique feeling, i think.

gyo, tomie, and uzumaki are all about as worthwhile as each other.

lovesickness is slightly less good than the three listed in the previous bullet point, but still pretty good

the chill [also known as coldness] - if you want to experience trypophobia hell. don't take that warning lightly.

groaning drain pipes - just because the perfectly anticlimactic ending cracks me up

blood bubble bushes - uhh something also similar to trypophobia in this one, but it's striking

oshikiri's series, including hallucinations, bog of the living dead, pen pal, intruder, further tales of oshikiri, and further tales of oshikiri: walls - some of these are pretty good.

house of puppets - it's a house of puppets.

the town without streets - goes in an unexpectedly atmospheric direction. interestingly a mishmash of many different ideas, unlike his usual one-note short stories.

gravetown - another inspired idea.

the story of the mysterious tunnel - can't decide how much to like this one.

frankenstein (adaptation) - very well done. there's a scene where victor and the monster make eye contact and then the monster immediately turns around and scales a sheer cliff face. you made his body really strong, victor. he can scale a sheer cliff face. i should note i only read around the first half of frankenstein the novel. i know, it's a failing on my part. so i can't judge the accuracy. i don't know if the monster scales a sheer cliff face in the novel. anyway someone should cosplay as reanimated justine. you just need to really build up your limbs onto some stilts and stuff.

hell doll funeral - it's a hell doll funeral

fixed face - ending cracked me up

weeping woman way - i like this one. it's so wet.

madonna [also called the witch] - i enjoy a story that offends the church.

spirit flow of aokigahara - this one is really good. i love their bodily transformation.

sensor - the first chapter makes you envision getting hairs in your mouth so you go "pfuh! pfuh!" and the rest is like, oh, so god really does exist. i really appreciate how much he wrung out of the creepy natural phenomenon of volcanic hair, which i didn't know about before this.

i wanted this to be a comprehensive list, but i'm sick of reading these for now. maybe i'll read the rest of his works some other time.

in conclusion, despite the inexplicably strong urge i felt to read as much of junji ito's body of work as possible, i'm not in love with his stuff. i certainly don't care enough to compare any translations. however, i do really respect his art skills and horrific ideas, and i enjoy his inscrutable sense of humor.

(i am really looking forward to the black and white uzumaki anime if it ever comes out.)

[katenepveu]

This is so amazing that, through the miracle of Google Lens (and, okay, a fair amount of boggling at the limitations of Tumblr's lack of support for basic HTML), I present:

An accessible text-only version of the slides, with image descriptions!

(edit: Tumblr has decided to eat the indents on the bulleted lists! I have added → to indicate that certain bullets are meant to be indented from others! WTF Tumblr!?!?! I'm very sorry to screen reader users who now may have to listen to multiple "right arrow right arrow" in some spots (and if there's something better I can do, please let me know). However since the formatting was fucked anyway I've added a readmore, at least.)

Unfortunately, Tumblr's formatting is so fragile * that I cannot insert a readmore without everything going to heck. I'm very sorry if you don't have "collapse long posts" enabled.

(* If you saw me post this before, no you didn't.)

Start of description:

Slide 1

how to make small talk with patients (and maybe other people too)

or like methods that i've developed and work well for me on average, but ultimately there are no universals in human relations, but i do think these are useful if you don't know where to start

Slide 2

also some of this powerpoint is about conversation in general, some is more specifically about nursing stuff

Slide 3

Most people also want this interaction to go well.

Slide 4

General Principles for Prolonged Small Talk with a Stranger

offer multiple conversational branches

follow patient's lead

ask open-ended questions

proportional conversation contributions

→ 1:3 ratio of talking to listening for customer service

→ personal: equal time speaking or opportunities to speak for all participants

learn to read the room

get personal but not intimate

have anecdotes and phrases ready to go

practice difficult conversations in advance

give it three shots then stop

know your exit strategies

Slide 5

important!! care about the conversation

I'm presenting a bunch of formulas here, but I want to make clear: my interactions are genuine. This is a way of thinking about conversations. All dialogue written here is the gist of what I'm saying. You still (and must!) engage sincerely, in your own voice, and with interest in the other person's thoughts. This is scaffolding you can build a conversation on.

If conversation is a dance, this presentation is explaining the steps of a waltz. You practice those foot diagram movements so you can use them in action. The dance is all in doing the dance.

Slide 6

Small Talk as Nursing Tool

Conversation as Assessment Tool

How are they talking? Slurring, raspy, very very softly, etc.

Do the words form coherent sentences?

Is what they're saying logical? Relevant?

How well can the patient describe their situation: illness, treatment, effects?

What can the patient reliably self-report?

→ capacity: what can patient perceive?

→ expression: what will the patient tell you?

Getting a feel for this patient's way of talking early on helps you detect trends or changes, especially neuro

Conversation to Build Rapport

Forming a good working relationship at the beginning of shift sets good tone.

It is easier deescalate a behavioral situation if you have already established familiarity.

Demonstrating that you're available and responsive to a patient shows they don't have to act out in order to get your attention.

Patients that are comfortable with you are more likely to tell you about subtle changes they might otherwise disregard.

Helps manage patients who talk a LOT

→ This bullet point got really long, so now it has its own slide later

Slide 7

The goal of making conversation as an assessment tool is to gather information about how the patient is experiencing their illness. You can learn about any progress, what the patient views as the most important parts of their hospitalization, and identify needs to address to customize your care plan to this patient's current condition.

Image:

Branching diagram in which

How are you feeling today?

leads to two paths

"I'm feeling [positive emotion]"

(response) "That's great! What happened?"

"I'm feeling [negative emotion]"

(response) "I'm sorry to hear that. What happened?"

text at bottom:

in both cases, you are soliciting further information with an open ended question

Slide 8

What do I talk about when I don't know what questions to ask someone?

the goal is to introduce a topic that both of you have are equally qualified to talk about, typically with the same level of investment, then in the course of talking about the general topic, you find something more specific to follow up on

basic general small talk: weather, traffic, view out of the window, what's on TV (DON'T DO THIS YET WITH THE NEWS), something innocuous happening right now, hospital beds and other amenities, animals and pets, sports

→ pursue whatever provokes enthusiasm

take the general down to the specific

→ weather happens → you talk about this weather → you talk about how it compares to other weather → you talk about how weather has affected your [wedding, sports game, air conditionless bedroom, commute to work, etc--identify your go-to anecdote.]

patient describes symptom → ask how it has been affecting their life

→ they mention a hobby it interferes with → ask about that hobby

patient mentions aspect of their life (job, birthplace, hobby, etc) → say something related to that

→ patient mentions being in the military → you: oh my mom was a military brat, did you have to move a lot?

→ patient mentions the field they work in → you: what's that? [you will learn about the wildest jobs this way]

→ patient mentions interest they have → you: wow that sounds really cool, what do you like best about that?

Slide 9

Aim for Personal, not Intimate

While you both are trying to figure out where the conversation goes, you're aiming for a controlled level of vulnerability: more than a completely "just the facts" professional exchange, less than "I've NEVER told anyone this before."

Reminder: Talking to another person involves vulnerability and risk. (That's why good conversations feel so fun!) Even with generic and uncontroversial topics, someone might accidentally go deeper than they meant, maybe even accidentally hurt someone. Don't linger anywhere you don't want to stay. It's okay to make it obvious you are changing the topic.

Personal

I went to school at [place]. It was not a great time and honestly I do not miss it. Where'd you go?

Intimate

I had a complete mental breakdown in college. At one point, all I did was lie around, smoke weed, and think about dying. It's amazing to me that I made it out at all.

Personal

How are you feeling about retirement?

Intimate

Do you worry that you wasted your life?

Reminder: just because you're comfortable sharing something intimate doesn't mean that the other person is comfortable being on the other side of that. Especially when you are providing care for them and you say something that makes them feel like they need to be responsible for your feelings. Assume intimacy is earned very slowly.

Slide 10

Levels of conversational intimacy

This slide is a flowchart, which begins by stating:

by talking about something personal and superfluous about yourself, you signal that you are open to conversation

Example:

I always wanted cats but I couldn't get until I moved out here a few years back.

Potential responses:

Pets: "oh how many"/ "what breed" / "here's my cat" Pet havers love pets.

Location: they ask "oh, where from?"

If "Pets":

Their pets

→ How are they doing while you're in the hospital? (note: natural way to learn more about their hospitalization)

→ What breed/how old/how big/wow what's it like having a snake

Your pets

If "Location":

Moving here from away

→ Where they/you lived

→ Why they/you moved here

Living here now

→ Ask about place's history

→ Ask for location recommendations

Flowchart notes:

Gradual increase in specificity. More specific = more personal

fun fact! you don't have to have a pet to talk about pets. You can talk about pets you once had, pets you'd like to have, other people's pets in your life, and/or why you don't have a pet (work too much, just don't want one, whatever). Then ask about theirs!

Slide 11

CAVEAT: SOMETIMES YOU'RE GONNA ACCIDENTALLY ASK ABOUT PETS WHO IT TURNS OUT ARE DEAD.

if you don't want to go further on this topic, acknowledge and pivot topics

→ acknowledge example: "I'm so sorry, losing a pet is hard"

→ pivot example: "Did you always have dogs?"

→ good bridge from acknowledging to pivot can pointing out you are changing the topic

→ → "I can't even talk about losing a pet, it bums me out so much."

→ → "I'm so sorry, we can talk about something else."

to see if they want to talk about it, gently probe (this signals you're open to this topic.)

→ "oh no, I'm sorry. how old were they/how long ago was that?"

→ "That's so hard. I remember when I lost [pet], I was so sad I said I'd never get [another pet] again."

if they continue the topic, they usually want to talk about their dead pet

→ Ask neutral to positive general questions

→ → "What were they like?"

→ → "How did you get them?"

→ → "That's a cute name. How'd you pick that?"

→ Talk about the pet's death ONLY IF they mention multiple times that their pet died.

→ → This looks like them discussing the grieving process, the actual event, going into details about what the death and dying process was like.

→ → → Rule of thumb:

→ → → → Multi-sentence answer = probably okay to continue this line of conversation

→ → → → One word answer = bail. new topic.

again, none of this is universal, this is my experience, everyone expresses grief differently, but I've found this to be a good approach for talking about the topic with someone you don't know well.

this also works for talking about dead human people. maybe don't ask about their breed.

Slide 12

You can draw attention to different parts of the same info to steer conversation. Pick your focus.

Example: You broke up with your partner last month, you're doing better but don't want to talk about it, and to distract yourself while heartbroken, you picked up a hobby. Someone you haven't seen in a while asks what's going on in your life:

"I just broke up with my boyfriend."

→ there's no alternate option offered except the boyfriend and the break up

"I'm thinking about starting to date again, but god, it's such a hassle."/ "Been redecorating the apartment. I've never lived alone before, it's a little nerve wracking."

→ your personal life is up for discussion but with a focus on the future, not the past

"I've gotten hardcore into knitting this month. Look at this terrible scarf." / "Nothing interesting. What about you?

→ what if we talked about anything else

Example: Patient with a Gl bleed wants the bed alarm * off.

(* I've actually got a lot of feelings about the lack of actual evidence that bed alarms prevent falls & the way they contribute to our patients' immobility but that's a different ppt & i'm trying to stay on topic A LITTLE.)

"Even if you feel steady now, there's a decent chance you could keep losing blood. You get up, get woozy, and fall without bracing yourself at all, and you've got a Gl bleed and a broken jaw."

→ provides medical reason & its effect on patient

"You'll get cleared to be independent when your condition stabilizes. Right now, if you get up on your own and fall, I guarantee you that bed alarm is NEVER going to be discontinued."

→ addresses a consequence pt might value most

"I know it's super annoying, but it's hospital policy for the first day. My nurse manager will kill me if I turn that off now."

→ I actually hate "hospital policy" as a primary reason, but there are patients out there who 1) really respect rules and/or 2) understand how managers work.

Slide 13

People are not Actually Very Good at Articulating Stuff

Some patients are more direct about their needs than others. For example, these ones don't say, "I'm in pain and would like my medication." Instead: "What is this bed made of, my ass is killing me," or "oh I can't complain I guess," or "fuck you fuck you fuck you, get the hell out of my room."

Things to consider:

IMPORTANT: people can express genuine needs in frightening, annoying, confusing, exhausting ways. Don't deny something someone needs because of the way they showed that they needed it.

Shame

→ people can feel embarrassed/ashamed of being sick or needing help

→ → the loss of autonomy and privacy

→ → especially stigmatized diseases or diseases that patients "did to themselves" (diabetes II, drug use, liver problems related to excessive drinking, complications of suicide attempts, etc)

→ → might lash out at people who provoke that shame

→ → some patients won't endorse pain but will endorse "discomfort."

Recent events

→ a patient who had a security incident today because their mom brought them meth

→ a patient who got a diagnosis today that's one of those life-defining ones

→ a patient with 10/10 pain who has waited ten minutes for someone to answer the call light

Slide 14

More Unspoken Factors

Physical condition

→ how much has the patient slept? when was the last time they ate? what is their pain level? etc

→ how difficult is it for them to eat, go to the bathroom, and turn in bed?

→ → some patients won't ask for help with something because doing it is so uncomfortable

→ → → ex. patient at risk for bed sores refuses repositioning. Why? Pain? Wakes them up? Don't understand why we do this? People do it too fast? Ask!

Time in Hospital

→ what is the relationship between the patient and the floor/careteam they have?

→ → is the patient generally liked?

→ → → if the answer is no, why does staff not like this patient?

→ → → what are possible explanations for those actions?

→ → → how does it affect their patient care?

→ → → has security ever been called? for what?

→ → is the patient part of a marginalized group?

→ → acting like you expect someone to behave badly automatically creates a hostile tone

→ → do they have visitors? are they bored? what entertainment options do they have?

→ → is their room nice to be in? (clean, not smelly, no annoying alarms, stuff in reach)

→ → the bed sucks. how much does it suck?

Slide 15

Expecting a fight can get you a fight.

you don't match their energy, you engage with the energy you want this conversation to have

you can be prepared to deal with unacceptable behavior without expecting that behavior

people get sooooooooo thrown off when you don't get mad back

allow people the opportunity to surprise you

consider your goal in this conversation: is the most important thing for you to be right?

Image: the following three sentences arranged in a circle of arrows that each lead to the next:

You think someone's an asshole so now every intervention with them is a conversation with an asshole.

Other person gets mad at being talked to like they're irrational or stupid or inherently violent so now they act like an asshole

Both of you now believe the other person is an asshole

Slide 16

useful starting points and what I do with them

people can often tell they are being treated different, even if they don't know how. acknowledging behavior is better than ignoring (and resenting) it

→ "So it sounds like from report that today didn't go great. What happened?"

→ "When you yell like that or throw something, I have to leave until you've calmed down."

→ "You shouldn't have been treated like that, and I'm sorry you were."

→ → don't automatically take the side of the hospital--trust me, staff provokes or exacerbates situations ALL THE TIME

sometimes people don't know the rules and expectations, even ones you find obvious

→ do they know they're being too loud? do they know what to hit their call light for? do they know how their meds work and when they get them? do they know when to expect vital signs? do they know why there's a bed alarm?

people generally like it when you acknowledge that things suck and when you try to do something about that

→ "That's rough, buddy." (sincere)

→ I had a patient once who was in 10/10 pain all night long, and through hard work and a lot of tries, I managed to do absolutely nothing to bring that pain down. When I went to say goodbye to her at end of shift, I said, "I'm sorry that tonight was so hard. I've documented everything we did and how it didn't work. Day shift's been told everything and will work with your doctors."

→ → and she said, "I felt better seeing how much you did and knowing that you cared."

→ → and it made me cry! and then incorporate what she said into my nursing philosophy.

Slide 17

MOST CONVERSATIONS ARE THE SAME

I've had public facing jobs my entire working career. For any given position, like 90% of what people ask and talk about are going to be the basically the same, just in different fonts.

learn the most common interactions at your job

→ what always needs to be explained?

→ what always needs to be responded to?

→ what always needs to be said?

identify the best ways you've responded to these questions

→ see what other people do, steal what works

→ identify what works best

→ → what education explanation is the clearest?

→ → what topics prompt the best conversations?

→ → what questions get you good answers?

→ → what work-appropriate anecdotes get the best response?

→ → what makes you and your conversation partner feel productive and comfortable?

→ make templates for yourself for standard conversations

→ practice new responses to see what works best for you

Slide 18

Difficult Conversations (variations on saying, "no, that's not gonna happen")

Do you even need to have this conversation?

→ patients have the right to refuse care, and the right to be involved and aware of their care.

→ Do you have any rationale beyond policy, convenience, or your personal discomfort? kill the cop in your head

→ → examine what you find uncomfortable versus unsafe

When you do have to have these conversations:

→ don't attack, don't defend. state facts, not interpretations.

→ make sure patient knows why this matters TO THEM and what happens TO THEM if nothing changes

→ make sure it is a conversation--ask the patient why this is happening and what would help.

→ listen to the patient. don't argue.

→ → make sure you understand what they're saying

→ → there's a real power in letting people rant

→ respect their decisions, protect their autonomy, believe that they think and act as complexly as you do

example: unhoused patients often deal with food insecurity. They may hoard food in their room or request a lot of snacks and meals they may not eat.

let them! who cares?

if there's dietary restrictions ordered for health reasons, explain to them why and, if possible, seek alternatives.

→ "the reason you can't eat or drink before surgery because sometimes people throw up under anesthesia and choke on whatever was in their stomach. so if you eat, they will cancel the surgery, and you'll have to keep waiting."

if they are requesting enough food that it impacts other patients, try to let them know before they hit that point.

→ "Head's up, we're running low on pudding so you can only get one more cup tonight. You wanna hold off or have it now?"

if the food has gone bad, offer replacements

→ "I'll swap that milk out for a fresh one."

→ "i'm worried that by this point, this food has been sitting out so long, it will make you sick. what else can i get you for you to have at your bedside?"

Slide 19

SOME PHRASES I HAVE ON LOCK

Sometimes someone will say something to you that, for whatever reason, you are utterly unprepared to answer. Practice some generally applicable statements to say in these moments avoid saying something you don't mean out of on the spot panic. (Don't worry about creativity. Sometimes, you simply must embrace cliche.) This can be especially useful if you don't typically have patients in psychosis or with delusions.

Wow, that sounds really [adjective] to deal with.

→ this is the best and easiest catch all. you're acknowledging what they just said without endorsing it, denying it, really expressing any opinion except that something has impacted the patient telling you this. And it's true. That situation IS really [adjective] to deal with.

I don't think we agree on this topic.

→ good for politics

I find what you said hard to believe based on the evidence I have.

→ if patient with delusion really presses you for your opinion on whatever the delusion is

→ always allow for the possibility that they're right

I want to make sure I'm giving you the right answer, so let me go doublecheck before I answer.

→ good when the patient asks a question about care and you're like "HUH. UHHHΗΗΗΗΗ."

I'm sorry. I know this isn't what you wanted to happen.

Slide 20

Help, This Old Man Will Not Stop Telling Me About His Entire Fifty Year Career: Dealing with Talkers

Definition of "talkers":

→ you're told first thing in report that they talk a lot

→ they resist all signals that you'd like to leave now

→ your participation in the conversation is optional: they will just monologue at you

→ often frequently hitting the call light for small requests that they will not cluster together

→ → i.e. getting them their sleep meds, a cup of tea, and a warm blanket will be three separate calls five minutes apart, despite the patient assuring you every time that they can't think of anything else they could need.

Seek conversation with these patients purposefully

→ You are not going to avoid conversation with this patient. It simply won't happen.

→ Staff starts dodging interactions with this patient, leading to the patient calling more and wanting to talk even longer when someone does come

→ → you MUST break this cycle

Invest a specific amount of time to be genuinely engaged in talking with them

→ I will schedule conversation w very high need patients like it is wound care or another procedure.

→ Patients like talking to someone who is not running out the door. Getting undivided attention often calms the desperation to talk.

→ Can make easier to get out of the room faster in the future. They know you'd stay and talk if you could. (And you feel less guilty about dipping.)

Slide 21

HOW TO EXIT A CONVERSATION THAT WON'T END

There's always going to be someone that's like "oh just leave." If I was confident enough to just leave, I wouldn't be making a powerpoint presentation about how to talk. Here are some tricks to derail the monologue and remind everyone of the world outside this room:

Make clear when you arrive how long you can stay. That makes it easier to look at the clock and go, "oh shoot, I gotta run."

→ variation: set a timer on your phone to go off loudly. When it does, say, "I've gotta go check on something."

Have a buddy. Tell them if you don't come out of room 314 in ten minutes to come knock on the door and tell you a doctor is on the phone.

If you have a vocera or other communication device, you might be able to schedule a voice reminder. Patients understand you have to go when your pager equivalent dings.

Say you have to give pain or nausea meds to someone else. Now you sound like a bad nurse if you don't leave.

When all else fails, you just have to go, "Well, I'm gonna leave now, see you in an hour," as you are actively walking out the door.

Slide 22

FIGURING OUT WHEN IT'D ACTUALLY BE REALLY ANNOYING FOR YOU TO TALK

Sometimes patients hold you hostage in endless conversation. Sometimes you're trapping them, and they have much less of an ability to just leave. A lot of patients want peace and quiet; a lot of patients really jump at the chance to talk to someone if given an opportunity. Try three times and see the response.

(1) Overture -- couple sentences in first part of the shift that contains details that are that not essential for practicality and allow for follow up questions.

Overture: "Do you want me to adjust the lights? I love that there's a dimmer switch in this room. This is the only floor I float to that has so many lighting options. Well, this one and maternity."

Every other time I'd ask this question: "Lights on, off, whadya want?"

(2) Question -- ask a question about them that is related to care but not purely medical.

"How have you been sleeping?"/"How have you been eating?"

"Was that your family in here earlier?"

"Oh hey, you transferred here from [x]? That's a long way, how'd they bring you here?"

"Is there anything else I can get you? Do you do word searches or sudoku, anything I can print out for you?"

(3) Follow up once do one more of the two things listed above.

This is for the people that need a little warm up.

If they don't respond meaningfully to any of these three attempts, stick to the strictly professional.

Slide 23

ONE LAST DISCLAIMER BEFORE WE GO

this is stuff that generally works for me, someone who made a powerpoint on minmaxing chit chat. so, yknow. interpret that as you will.

these "rules" are more conservative and rigid than they have to be

→ there's a lot of flexibility and grace in actual conversation. But if you feel like you don't have an ear for the rhythm and content of small talk, it's nice to have structure while you practice.

again: NONE of this means I don't care about a conversation or everything is a formula. everything here is something that's helped me be less anxious about conversations, to improve the conversations I have, and to reduce my mental load so I can enjoy conversations. It's fun to talk to people!

→ I cannot tell you the amount of staggeringly intimate conversations patients have had with me in the middle of the night because I make it clear that I'll listen nonjudgmentally. It is my favorite part of the job and some of the most important care I can provide.

Slide 24

BONUS SECTION: EMPATHY

I have no idea what's obvious to people or not. Here's how I approximate what someone else might be feeling in in situations I've never experienced.

Slide 25

EMPATHY EQUATION because sometimes people don't tell you what they feel or they don't know themselves or they don't know what to ask for in this situation so you have to make a guess.

Break down the situation to its core.

Identify a similar experience I've had.

Identify what I wanted in my similar experience.

Break down I would have wanted down its core.

Adjust for magnitude of the situation.

Apply context specific variables.

See if I can find a way in current circumstances to express the core of what I would have wanted.

Slide 26

Example: Patient who habitually uses fentanyl and meth is admitted for an infected leg wound and grows angry they aren't getting more opioids.

(1) Break down the situation to its core.

patient is in distress

patient perceives that the thing that would relieve that distress is being denied to him by people who could provide it

(2) Identify similar experiences I've had.

miserably enduring earaches as a child

being unable to get my adderall filled and feeling angry that I had to chase down my meds

(3) Identify specifically what I wanted in my similar experience.

my earache to stop

to just get sleep so I didn't have to deal with this

to get my adderall so I didn't feel so concerned with rationing the remaining pills

for people to not treat my problem as meaningless or even an annoyance to them

(4) Break down those wants to their core

pain relief

rest and recovery of my body

reliable access to my medication

respect and compassion

Slide 27

Empathy Example, continued

(5) Adjust for magnitude of the situation.

infected leg wound is much more painful than an earache

(6) Apply context specific variables.

people who use drugs are often shamed for it

patient at baseline tolerates and is used to a very high level of opioids

people don't tend to abuse fentanyl when their life is going well

patient has a new pain on top of chronic condition managed by habitual drug use

(7) See if I can find a way in current circumstances to express the core of what I would have wanted.

pursue multimodal methods of pain relief (tylenol, ice, muscle relaxers, elevation, ice packs, distraction, meds for other symptoms)

prioritize protecting sleep (limit awakenings, cluster care, prioritize your interventions and assessments, etc) and promoting comfort (more pillows, warm blanket, hot chocolate, hospital mocktail, making the room smell better, turning off lights shining directly in patient's eyes)

reach out to doctor about pain management plan, advocate for more opioids if that is indicated (in this example, almost certainly is). sometimes more opioids up front to decrease pain means less opioids overall bc now you're in maintenance mode, not crisis mode. get patient as consistent a pain med schedule as I can so they know when they can expect medication and what it will be. develop plan with patient about when they want to be woken up for meds.

tell the patient what you're doing and what you'll do next if that doesn't work. tell them that you're sorry they are in so much pain and you are trying to improve the situation. proactively round on them to assess progress of your interventions. it is distressing and hurtful to be in pain and feel that no one even cares enough to give you better treatment than you'd get leaving AMA and self-medicating.

No Deep Conversations When Someone Is Still Yelling

Later when things are calmer and you have a better relationship, you can debrief with the patient about what happened. Ask the patient what they were feeling and what would help in the future, while being realistic about what you can and can't promise. While in crisis, keep sentences short, calm, and practical. Focus on taking actions that address the core needs.

End of description.

One of the stranger things about training brand new nurses is explaining how to min max small talk. It feels very weird to coach people on how to chat.

[misireads]

Misery by Stephen King

[ audiobook, listened in finnish ]

a writer gets in a car accident while drunk driving in the middle of nowhere and finds himself both legs broken at the mercy of a woman who has taken him to her house in the remote countryside. she's an ex nurse, the NUMBER ONE FAN of his books, and, as he very soon realises, crazy mentally……. challenged. she's beyond mad that he has killed off the main character of his book series named misery, makes him burn the manuscript of his newest novel which he was on his way to get published before the accident, and forces him to start instead writing another sequel to the misery series where she comes back to life. this turns into a psychological game of the author knowing she'll keep him alive for as long as the new novel is still in the makings, all the while knowing that he needs to find a way to get out of the house eventually.

➕ misery is one of my favourite king movie adaptations, so i went in knowing this is a story i like. this kind of despaired slow burn setting with complete helplessness involved is one of my favourite psychological horror tropes. (and i mean actual helplessness. like physically unable to get out of it. i guess there's also a body horror aspect there that i enjoy)

➕ i don't remember the film version super well, mostly just that it's the setting i liked about it. in this book version, it's A Lot about all the quirks of the main character's inner monologue, i realised while reading that that's the thing giving so much life to this story. this may be my favourite king novel for the prose, honestly. i don't remember any other giving me this kind of entertainment with words.

➕ the first novel in a long time that made me genuinely queasy

➖ how should i even put this thought. this is a long book, the audiobook is twelve hours long. that's a lot of hours about a man being stuck in a room. i realised kinda early on that this is going to drag, and that the setting actually kind of.. bores me…. or it doesn't but it does, at times. maybe five hours in i felt like i was really tired of listening to the story already and there's so much left still. definitely The most boring part were the new misery novel chapters. it's only a few short-ish(too long if i'm asked) segments of the whole book but it just… went on for too long anyway. and somehow managed to get racist later also, the finnish translation makes the african man speak totally incomprehensibly, my god. then when at some point i was like, alright clearly all the story points have now been handled and this is about to come to an end, i noticed there's still 5 hours left. and after the storyline really was over, it's STILL way too much left. it was one of those.

➖ this iiiiiiis… well it was published in 1987 so in many ways it's a work of its era and this is VERY pervasive in the genre anyway. but it's very definitively the "mental illness = evil" type of horror. annie never has any motive for anything she does, she's simply "crazy" so she's "evil" and therefore does bad things to people. yeaah…. i didn't feel super great about that.

⭐ score: 3+ -- i went to read the movie synopsis after i finished listening and while i don't remember the film super well, i feel like that one was more about the horror of annie in a trimmed-down package, while this book is like, at heart, about writing books, and in a very drawn-out way at that. it's a LOT more about, well, words. i think i like the more condensed movie edition better in this case. it just seems like i can't make myself like stephen king novels no matter how much i try. also i kind of picked this up at the wrong moment, this was my october halloweeny season read (one of them), and i realised at some point that this really isn't a halloweeny spooky book so i was feeling kinda meh but also like i needed to keep going. fgdklgmkdfmgf

[flydotnet]

How Not to Handle an Illness At School 101

WHUMPTOBER 2023, DAY 15: “I don't need you to help me I can handle things myself.” Makeshift Bandages | Suppressed Suffering | “I’m fine.”

Day 15 was always going to be MatsuYoshi, I knew that, considering those two are professionals at pulling the "I'm fine (isn't actually fine)" spiel, to a nauseating degree considering how few times Yoshiko appears yet has managed to pull it off screen for months. Also, you know I had to do it to 'em.

What I hadn't planned on was setting this in an HSAU flashback fic. Truth be told, it's not purely out of serendipity: it's also due to some very emotional reasons linked to a recnnt terrorist attack that targeted a former school of mine. I originally had a whole-ass wall of text about it, but at the end of the day… this fic isn't a memorial, it's just a silly AU funky soccer manga fanfiction, and I don't want to take away from that. This fic is motivated by a will for this school I truly care so much about not just be a place of tragedy and I want it to be seen as such.

My thoughts and prayers to the victims, their loves ones, and current students and staff of Gambetta High. Shout-out to my profs at Carnot.

So, uhm, yes, the funny fanfiction about HSAU Hikaru and Yoshiko being who they are! Can't forget about the original stake at hand! They're in their second year of prep class, there.

In terms of HSAU Lore, this fic somehow introduces both Jeanne Mouchon, one of Hikaru and Yoshiko's former classmate, and Mr Moinot, who was mentioned in… I don't remember, actually. I think it was either We All Gotta Start Somewhere or the first chapter of "Promotion to Parent". Most likely the former. Anyway, he's 'karu and Yoshi's old lit prof! And absolutely not an OC I already have who's also kind of maybe based on my own former lit prof.

Also, slight reminder of culture and stuff: grades are given out 20, some students have scholarships as in they get money to do studies because they're otherwise dirt-poor, and we're in France.

It's a little half-baked, but I didn't get a lot of time to work on it, so it'll have to do for now. I may go back and edit it later.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

How Not to Handle an Illness At School 101

aka: Pinmontagne, Or The Reason Why "Febris" and "February" Share a Latin Root

Summary: People don't always think it through before they try to push through illnesses. Or: asking a nineteen-year-old to have clear-cut priorities may be a lot to ask, sometimes.

Fandom: It's your friendly neighbourhood French high school AU (actually it's Captain Tsubasa, but very, very removed)

Word Count: 1.7K words

AO3 version available here.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

It’s only seven in the morning and Jeanne is already silently telling him he’s a big-ass idiot, in that way only her can do.

“What?” He asks, still mixing in the cheap cocoa powder into his bowl of just as cheap warm milk.

“What, what?” She asks back, an eyebrow corked. “Be more precise, man. I don’t speak Pinmontagne as far as I know.”

She’s absolutely trying to get a reaction out of him – which he will not grant her.

“You’re lookin’ at me funny. What’s your problem with me?”

She immediately cringes.

“Geese Louise, you’re so snappy today! Tho I guess I asked for it.” She regains a serious expression, perhaps too serious. “You look a bit, uh… bad. God, uh, I don’t know how I phrased it when I emailed FM about that, but you look like that.”

The laugh he tries to level at her accusation turns into a coughing fit.

“You’re not accusing me of having pneumonia now?” He still tells her. “Cuz that’s what Moinot had back then, no?”

Her expression doesn’t get lighter and he hates that oh so very much.

“Maybe not pneumonia, but like, dude, you sound like shit.” She frowns. “You’re not gonna attend class like that, right?”

He clears his throat before he can talk again. His voice is already a shitshow, better not wake any suspicions among his classmates now.

“It’s just some stupid cold that won’t go away. Tryin’ to get excused outta class sounds like a much bigger chore.”

“I mean… Yeah, you’re right, but like…” Her eyes grow wide. “Wait, didn’t you have an oral with Moinot today?”

“Yeah, I do.” He coughs again, shit. “What did you pick for yours?”

“Oh, I chose Notre-Dame de Paris, that seemed – hey, don’t change the topic!!”

He shrugs.

“Same, actually.” His nose’s starting to get too clogged for oxygen’s good faith. “I, uh, don’t jive with Ernaux much. Not in text commentary at least.”

“I don’t think you should jive with any author today, dude.”

“My scholarship doesn’t say the same.”

“Just… Go to a doctor, dude, or Yoshiko’s gonna get on your case. You wouldn’t worry her, right?”

“Fuck you,” he replies with a chuckle.

“I was being serious, y’know.”

He sighs, his chest wheezing as he does. Maybe the Moinot comparison wasn’t that inaccurate…

“I’ll be fine.”

--------------------------------------------------------------------

“I tell you, I’m fine,” he tells his girlfriend for the third time today. To say geography class hasn’t even started – not just that, the prof isn’t even here yet.

Still, he knows it’s just bravado because, yeah, his scholarship doesn’t handle missed classes well, and he needs it. And, also, worrying her is a crime… even if he isn’t sure of his modus operandi anymore. It does sound like it’s doing the opposite thing it should be doing.

“But, Hikaru… You’ve been sick for the past week. It doesn’t seem to have gotten better either…”

“Colds can be like that, y’know” he replies with as much of a smile as he can muster. “But are you fine, Yoshiko? You’ve not been catching it from me, right…?”

She smothers a sneeze in the crook of her sweater.

“No, don’t worry, I’m fine,” she replies in a manner eerily similar to him, only starting to smile again now. “I’ll go to bed earlier than usual and take some medicine. You should try and rest in the dorms when you can.”

“With our schedule that’s gonna be hard to do, but like, I don’t think I need it anyway. I’ll manage.”

“If you ever feel like you need help, get some, okay? I’m really worried for you.”

He leans against the wall, suddenly aware of how uncomfortably wet his hair is. Maybe it’s more obvious than he thought that he feels like shit.

“I’ll make sure to let you know, at least.”

It’s a lie, the only kind he’s capable of and they both know it, but before she can protest, Mr Beaubonnet has finally arrived, and class is bound to begin soon.

He doesn’t hold her hand – just because he doesn’t want her to catch the plague, dear God. Yet he watches her hand try to reach for his, even sitting in class.

His lungs aren’t the only thing that hurts, today.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

By the time noon comes around, Hikaru isn’t even sure of how he’s still on both his feet, waiting in the cafeteria crew. The fact he’s sandwiched between Jeanne and Yoshiko helps, he imagines, not to let himself look as bad as he feels. Ironic, for someone who otherwise doesn’t give two fucks about appearances, let alone “looking right”.

He usually doesn’t even care about queue speeds, especially on Wednesdays where it’s just the four prep class rosters and their profs; but today, it’s long. Painfully slow. He wants his bed and maybe a hug from Yoshiko. Okay, he definitely wants the hug from Yoshiko, but that’s beside the point, he always wants one.

When they finally sit down, he can’t hide the relief on his face, just like they can’t hide the fact they’re worried as shit about the crap he’s trying to pull off – cut him some slack, the scholarship won’t like it if he skips over it.

Also, Yoshiko’s coughing, and that can’t be good.

“Hey, you okay?” He asks her, still twirling with the idea of ingesting food.

“It’s nothing,” she says before blowing her nose. “You should focus on yourself, Hikaru. You need the care more than I do.”

“I’m fine, I told you.” It’s starting to sound like a farce, and it shows, because both Jeanne and Yoshiko are utterly unconvinced.

“Hikaru, dude, you can barely speak,” the former replies first. “I dunno how you’re planning on survivin’ English, let alone an entire oral with fuckin’ Moinot. That guy’s gonna wring you dry of words like he always does.”

“You dun need to remind me of my last grades with him, thanks.”

“Actually, I will! You got a 6 on your first oral, which was somehow worse than my 7. Then, on your specialty oral, you got a 9, but like, can’t blame ya, Banny can’t have explained how that was supposed to go without going on four tangents in a row. And ya got a 11 on your latest one, but it was a damn close call.” She puts down her fork. “All that to say, on a good day, you’ve got trouble dealin’ with his shit, and now you want to do that while you’re literally cookin’? Dude, you’re insane.”

“I’d rather die than lose my scholarship.”

“I’m… pretty sure medical reasons would excuse you,” Yoshiko replies. “Please, Hikaru, you’re swaying on your feet, you shouldn’t be here…”

He rubs his temples, his throat hurting just as much, but no solution comes to him.

“It’ll be fine, I’m sure. Just, lemme handle this and I’ll go see a doctor after class.” Or tomorrow.

“I don’t think you’ll find any by the time you’ll be outta there.”

“I’ll find one.”

Oh, he won’t, but he sure can try.

“You’re so fucking stupid, man,” Jeanne adds.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

The topic quickly changes to bitching about English class.

So, uh, fun thing about running a high fever: he can’t read text anymore. No matter what he tries, letters just start swimming before his eyes. Not that he’s actually been able to understand whatever the hell Hugo was trying to say about that rat hole or some shit – who knows, not him, that’s for sure.

And that’s a big issue, because right now, he’s in front of his own prof, and he has no idea where to fucking begin.

“I, uh, gimme two seconds, please,” he coughs out, already realizing this is going nowhere.

He swaps paper sheets around, rubs his eyes and tries focusing – but aside from the absolute urge to hug his girlfriend and find peace with his bed, there’s nothing coming up. Nothing makes sense. He almost doesn’t know where he is and he’s losing grip on if his thoughts are staying inside or if he may be spewing them out.

“Do you need help with anything?” The prof asks in a voice too kind not to be suspicious.

Or maybe it’s normal? Uh…

“I don’t need you to help with things, I can handle things myself.”

He shuffles his papers around again, and this time, he actually gets tricked by the coughing fit. It lasts entirely too long, and he’s spent by the time it ends; but watch him rise back to his hands because that oral won’t do itself.

Mr Moinot looks entirely displeased with the shitshow this has been so far, in such a manner that, when he opens his mouth, Hikaru is ready to endure a verbal beating—

“You should go back home, Hikaru.”

Dread fills his every pore anyway.

“W-wha’?!”

“You are very clearly ill. Be honest, did you even understand the text?”

He’s way too exhausted to lie. He doesn’t even like lying to begin with, do you expect him to do so when he’s down the gutter?

“No, sir, I really didn’t get it. I don’t even know what it’s about.”

It hurts so much, at this point, to speak that he can’t not cough every time he opens it, God.

“I can’t evaluate you fairly in those conditions,” Mr Moinot replies. “Let’s postpone it to when you feel better, okay? The class is small enough, it shouldn’t be too much of an issue.”

“O-okay.” The shame is almost overwhelming. “Sorry about that, sir.”

“It’s fine. I know a thing or two about pushing through an illness.” He sighs. “Now, call someone to get you. I’m not letting you go home on your own.”

Oh, it must be that bad – of course it is, you idiot, you’re hotter than a furnace and barely able to piece reality together. Even walking to his dorm room sounds like a chore. As such, in silence, he grabs his phone, scrolls to the one contact whose picture he cannot mistake for anything else, and calls.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

It isn’t pneumonia, but it’s damn close; so close Yoshiko has decided, actually, he was going to live at her place until he can drive himself home.

It’d be embarrassing if it wasn’t a dream come true.

[thepetulantpen]

Fairytale/Emotional Support

(Here’s another late contribution for @beaujester-week , a Robin Hood AU for day 5!)

Beau crouches beside a tree and tries to ignore Jester’s giggles behind her, hoping they’re out of earshot of the guards.

“Beau,” Jester whispers as best she can but in the dead silence of the forest, it may as well be a gunshot, “which-“

A twig snaps and Beau’s ears pick up the soft sounds of footsteps on the dirt path that winds through the forest, just a few feet in front of their tree. Reflexes kicking in, Beau pulls both herself and Jester closer to the tree, making sure its silhouette obscures their forms. In the same fluid motion, she covers Jester’s mouth to cut her question short. Jester pouts beneath her hand but begrudgingly accepts the necessity of silence in a run from the sheriff and snuggles closer to Beau.

The guards on the path look irritated and confused, no doubt lost in the twists and turns Beau took through the forest. They’re all sighing with exertion and annoyance, not paid to hike through the woods all day, hunting down an elusive thief for the sake of their delusional sheriff.

“I think she took the other path. Let’s join up with our forces in the east.”

Beau exhales silently, thanking every god she knows and barely believes in. She waits until the last spot of sunlight reflecting off their stupid helmets disappears on the horizon and then moves swiftly from their hiding spot, tugging Jester along.

Her feet have memorized this forest floor, dexterously leading her around roots and rocks, choosing the path of least resistance for Jester’s sake. Jester keeps a running commentary through their walk and Beau lets her, knowing the threat has passed.

Besides, she always loves to hear Jester speak about these things, the pride and excitement in her voice is enough reward for all the trouble they’ve had.

“-then I had my doubles do a little jig to distract them and you stunned the guard like bam! Oh, Beau, it was so fun- we should do this more often!”

“Feel a little bad for getting you involved in a life of crime.” Beau glances up from ground briefly to look at Jester’s face, tone only half joking.

“Pssh, I was kicked out of the last town, remember? I’m hardly as innocent as my pretty face looks!” Jester frames her face with her hands, looking angelic one second, then grinning like a devil the next.

Beau’s heard this story before and she’s only half sure she believes it. Anybody would deny it upon first meeting Jester, a cheerful little tiefling girl clearly incapable of humiliating a politician, committing minor theft and causing mayhem in the streets to mask her flee from the city. But Beau knows her a little better than most, has seen that deeply chaotic and mischievous energy of hers in action. This is, after all, the girl who agreed, without hesitation, to join her quest to pull off one of the most high scale robberies Nottingham has ever seen.

This last job was their biggest yet- and their most personal. Lionett family wineries may not feel the loss of revenue for long, but the poor of Nottingham could certainly be sustained by their stolen money for many months to come.

Beau just wishes she could’ve seen her father’s face when he realized just how much she was able to get away with.

“Beau, are you alright?”

“Hm?” Beau blinks away bad memories and vengeful fantasies to look at Jester, frowning in concern, “Of course. Why? Do I, like, look grumpy?”

“No, it’s just that you’ve got that look on your face like you’re thinking too hard about something dumb.”

Beau laughs and opens her mouth to respond with a joke, a transition to an easier topic, but Jester interrupts, expression earnest and serious.

“Is it about your dad?”

The forest floor is a fascinating thing, textured with unexpected holes and littered with odd plant life, giving Beau something to study while she stalls for time.

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Beau looks up from the roots to meet Jester’s eyes, filled with kindness that has become Beau’s lifeline the last few weeks. Those eyes have carried her through heartbreak and abuse, made her feel valuable when Nottingham treated her like a stain on society. She knows she can answer honestly, without judgement or disappointment from Jester.

“Not really.”

Jester hums, studying Beau’s face to detect a lie. When she doesn’t find one, she smiles, a little relieved.

“Well, there’s not much to say anyway- he’s just a stupid, greedy man.”

The words are flippant, easy, but the way Jester squeezes Beau’s hand is not. Her grip is strong, an unforgettable reminder that Jester is there, should Beau change her mind.

Beau would’ve said thanks, or something equally unnecessary, but she catches sight of smoke and the first patches of straw roofs. They’ve arrived.

Jester pushes ahead, switching positions with Beau to pull her ahead, knowing the way from here.

Arriving at the tiny village on the outskirts of town, where much of the poor of Nottingham find themselves, is always an event. It’s a rush of activity and sound, a rush that Jester meets with matching energy, one girl against a village. Beau just hands over the bag of gold, less good at interacting with the kids and the thankful people here. They’re hailed with aliases whispered across the country, legends of heroes who take from the wealthy and give to those less fortunate.

Beau doesn’t know how she got stuck with Robin Hood, but it’s a little late to complain about it. Jester has it easier, having chosen her own name: Maid Marion, so she can take a bit of her mother with her on her adventures.

It’s cute, though not nearly as cute as Jester and Kiri.

“Oh, you’ll finally be able to buy a new cloak and some new toys, isn’t it wonderful?”

“Wonderful!”

Their smiles- Jester’s, Kiri’s, and the rest of the settlement’s- wipe the image of her father’s snarl.

This is the best part of her job.

...

Between jobs, Beau enjoys quiet moments in their borrowed cottage, barely managing to make her own tea and not ruin it. It’s nice out here, just her and Jester enjoying this place before they move onto the next town, the next community in need.

The peace and coziness is nice, of course, but she wouldn’t give up the thrill and the pride of their mission for it. She knows she could never commit to a life of sitting idly after she’s gotten a taste of adventure, of traveling the world in a whirlwind with Jester.

Jester couldn’t either, can’t even finish a quiet afternoon like Beau before she bursts through the door.

“Look at this! Isn’t it terrible?”

Jester shoves two pieces of paper in Beau’s face, too close for her eyes to focus on. She takes them from her and finds herself looking at two extremely shitty illustrations of her and Jester. They are truly comical, with wildly incorrect noses and stringy hair, and they’re supposed to be official Wanted posters, identifying them to the Empire. It’s laughable, and it’s exactly what she’d expect from Nottingham.

“Well, it’s a good thing we’re leaving town. Don’t think I could live with people thinking I look like that.”

Jester sits down at the table with Beau, taking her own teacup and pouring it somewhat angrily. Her indignation is frankly adorable, just another faucet of her passion. She feels everything so deeply, and acts on it accordingly.

“I’m making our own Wanted posters for the next town. I mean, this is ridiculous.”

Beau takes a drink and smiles at Jester, soft and relaxed on their day off.

“You could paint pictures of totally different people just to confuse everyone.”

Jester’s entire face lights up at the idea, the inspiration sparking nearly tangible mischievous energy. When Jester has found an idea she likes, she can talk about it for hours, her voice like music in a lilting tune that keeps Beau invested in what she has to say.

It doesn’t require much to keep Jester going once she’s gotten fixated on something, but Beau interjects with her criminal expertise when needed, adding fuel to the fire. They’re a perfect duo in that way, unconditionally supportive, regardless of the quality of their ideas or rationality of their worries.

Scheming is their kind of downtime, staying outside and talking about nothing and everything until the tea is gross, fireflies are swarming, and the stars twinkle above them.

Beau calls it a night when Jester starts yawning, following her back inside the cottage with just one last glance at the night sky.

She doesn’t recognize any of the constellations, but she swears the stars are scattered in the exact same pattern as the freckles decorating Jester’s face.

For a moment, the sky seems to smile at Beau and she smiles back. She must be more tired than she thought.

She goes inside, to sleep beside her lover, partner in crime, and roommate. There’s work to be done tomorrow, they’ll need their rest.

[mla0]

i LOVED the concept of the series

the collective was so fucking cool. the connection to the chess pieces, the pure black and white and heavily edited videos and music. especially the later collective videos, they're just SO well made

i liked the concept of noah more than the actual execution. he just had very different vibes from someone like vinny or michael and i definitely appreciated the change of scenery

also tribetwelve was more focused on the family tree and how it was basically passed down the bloodline, which felt like a cool parallel from marble hornets. both seem to kind of be like mental illness allegories, but while marble hornets focused more on the trauma and the fact that it can get anyone, tribetwelve focused a lot on how it can be passed down. it can also be a reading on generational trauma, and considering noah maxwell (and presumably other family members) are canonically jewish, i think there's more that could be said there, i'm just not qualified to be the one to do it

the way it handled like, different dimensions, different time periods, etc. was also really cool. the whole timeline thing and firebrands existence was really fucking cool to me and still is. i still love the weird time and space fuckery that was present in the series. sure EMH also had the iteration thing, but you SAW it in tribetwelve. the spinning spirals and fractals and different versions of noah running around and all kinds of shit that made it feel way more real and less theoretical or implied. i one hundred percent believe the collective and other horror elements of t12 were the best executed in terms of giving off the pure scale and chaotic abilities of powers and beings beyond our understanding. better than any other series before or since

i also liked adam's later acting, unfortunately. his acting was utter shit in the beginning, but as he progressed there was a later video where he started crying and couldn't burn or cut milo's journal because of the emotional pain, and i was shocked by how the acting had changed. i really felt for noah in that moment, and it's still probably one of my favorite moments in the series because it felt very raw and easy to empathize with

finally i just loev the like. structured game feeling of it. it's a chess game, with noah and firebrand on one side and the collective on the other. it felt less like noah was just fucking around doing whatever, and more like he was part of a larger game and forced to make "moves." it also (personally) made the collective very scary for me in a way habit wasn't. it was very hivemind-like and creepy. very calculated. and it also had a solid sense of noah MAYBE being able to LIVE and WIN if he outsmarts the collective. there's a goal in mind and objects at his disposal shrouded in mystery, and it's literally a fight for his life. his ONE life. we have no idea if he would or does reiterate, so it'd be likely if he died it's all over and the collective will move to their next victim

there's probably much more i could say but off the top of my head this is why i did and still do love tribetwelve. i've pretty much rewritten noah and tribetwelve's general story from the ground up and use that version to incorporate into my writing or maladaptive daydreams, because tribetwelve was one of my first slenderverse series, and i have to admit i always preferred it to EMH as a kid and probably still would if it weren't for adam. it had so much potential and i think it was really beginning to show it's insane abilities towards the end, and i'll never not be mad over how it crashed and burned

Genuinely curious about this so I’m gonna ask you guys,

If you are/were a fan of TribeTwelve, what did you like about the series?