#maybe ill delete the entire post

[oh-katsuki]

one of my old posts abt “part 2″ comments is making the rounds again but i’ve kinda changed my stance on it (ie; i don’t care as long as ur polite and treat me like a human) and now i just see it in my notifs all day and am sighing heavily at it. 

[somefisher]

Fuck my stupid lonely gay life

[ganondoodle]

sorry about that last rambling post, i didnt mean to sound like its worse than it may be, but i got no ... lense to view it through but my own, and the main reason i wrote it out anyway was bc i needed to get it out (even if posting it might be not the greatest idea) .. and bc it kinda showcases, i think, how my stories kinda write themselves, involuntarily in a way? its not like im not putting in any effort- but its like .. i cant STOP it always keeps going and even the dumbest idea stays in some form, its very hard to get everything in place bc theres so much going on all the while i am very slow at making anything, writing or drawing anything, especially anythign coherent is very hard bc not only do i get constantly distracted, i get distracted by my own thoughts suddendly skipping to a certain scene and me having to go throguh imagining in detail NO MATTER how many times i have done it before for the same scene that i already decided on how it goes, when theres a new idea it can take over my entire day bc i cant let go of it-

not trying to sound either like im the only that has that sort of problem, but i think its a big part as of why i start tso many projects without being able to finish them, or even start them bc i constantly have to fight my own thoughts from derailing into another daydream session, thinking of too much too fast than i can ever draw or even write about and not knowing what is worthwhile and what isnt (im telling you i have no idea what is good and what isnt, idk why but for all i know all things i do could be trash, or they all could be bad, maybe the one i thinnk is decent is actually worse than the things i deem not good enough and once i start to think no this isnt good enough i stop having fun making or thinking it bc im trying to do better

honestly its kind of impressive that i can get anything out at all, not to pat myself on the back there but even if i hate how long it takes me, considering how much im having to work just to start working on something at all, the fact that i could post stuff coherent enough for some people to understand AND LIKE is something i should be a little more proud of

[siflupe]

⁺ ⛧ ﹒ jurgen leitner ? — ˚ 🕯️  ⌢




“ stupid idiot motherfucking jurgen leitner god damn fool book collecting , dust eating , rat old bastard , shithead , idiot , avatar of the whore - ”

＞＜﹐ lupe , loop﹐🦇

🕯️﹐any / all + 17 + aroaceapl + abro ﹐★

﹑likes - tma , homestuck , lego monkie kid , persona series , drawing , figure skating , fanfiction , isat , life series , undertale yellow ﹒⟡﹒⤿

⛧ ﹔🥀﹒dislikes - bigots , wasps , needles﹐ıllı

！About you/info - pls save me from the self - inflicted suffering that is called “ drawing my characters reference sheet “﹒🪦

” - biggest clown in the circus , laughed out of town , cowboy motherfucking jurgen leitner ”

[lonesomenecromancer]

dear god i dont know if i can even do this

[boymage666]

[Image ID: Picture of a tv playing splatoon during the splatcast. shiver is on screen saying "Thank you, my beautiful supporters! you've chosen so wisely! Shiver is an octoling, a humanoid octopus with blue tentacles for hair, blue triangular eyebrows, red pointed fingers, and 3 pointed earrings. In the foreground of the image is me, flipping off the screen.]

[magicalara]

To anyone wondering why I haven't posted anything kuro related in a bit, it's because I've become underwhelmed with the amount of official content and overwhelmed with the pressure I put on myself to create shit. All that I'm writing is turning out horribly rn and I've turned to bsd as a means of having lots of content to consume to occupy my mind with

Kuro's getting boring for me rn, there's really not a lot left for me to look at and consume that isn't fan content. Don't get me wrong, the fan content is great, amazing even, but I'm just bored idk how else to put it. I haven't looked through any kuro tags in at least a month, everything that I see is from the blogs I follow on my dash so I'm not in the know really either.

I don't wanna force myself to keep posting about something I'm not enjoying as much anymore because it will lead me to hating the thing and I really don't want that to happen with kuro.

In sum, I say this:

This isn't a kuro blog and it was never intended to be. I post and reblog the things that I like and there's nothing wrong with that. My blog doesn't have a theme besides things I like. I don't have an obligation to any one fandom to keep posting about that thing no matter how much interaction I may have gotten from others who like that one thing.

That is all

[abigal-ln]

Daily Styling: 144

The final outfit. What more can I say?

[39472034658449305249465224devils]

at some point you may need to realize that there isnt a "massive underground net of dangerous rapists who post anime pictures on tumblr" and its more of the fact that quite frankly you may be stupid. and hey, thats not even a problem, unless you make it the problem of others.

like be real if your block list of supposed predators is huge and spans for pages, maybe thats because your qualifications for who gets labeled as such are hmmmmmnn not... super accurate or fair? but what do i know? im just the town crier

[beanbeebraveree]

i guess this is gonna be a drama blog now thats fine i can remake

but im so ashamed of the nevermore fandom rn tbh because its like. ok did we all just decide bullying is ok

someone had to delete a post being neutral because people read it like supporting rnf and actually bullied that person into closing the post. and then said they didnt bully but yeah you did. you did this and there are posts still up that are proving it. some got taken down which is good because maybe that means your rethinking but i bet scressnots exist somewhere.

that was seeking to harm or intimiate. and its with red too like red apologized. maybe the apology was too long but it was very clearly an apology and says that crimsin isn't on the server anymore. so as long as thats the truth im cool.

its all cool to disagree but whats the obsession with making a big deal out of it cant you just leave the fandom quietly talk about it to your friends and not try to actually hurt people. and yeah red counts as a person and so do the nice people on the post you decided had to be taken off tumblr.

im so so so so tired of going to the tag and finding this stupid kindergarten baby stuff like at least act like high schoolers i can handle that but you all make me sick. idec what your beliefs are about the situation but stop putting them in the tag and stop bullying people because it makes you look ugly

check the definition your bullying the entire fandom because you see it as vulnerable and you are seeking to intimiate everyone into belieiving the same things you do. and if they dont its ok because youll just bully them off the site. and make fun of them in your tags. and harm there mental health. and plug up the tag with your baby fighting.

so ill nicely ask please stop. and i know you wont and your gonna bully me too if you see this but if you do know that its gonna show on your face someday

[pencileraser1]

things i noticed/thoughts about most recent rewatches of dps (plus laserdisk deleted scenes):

whenever theres a group scene i've started watching the characters that the story isn't focusing on to see what they do and i've been having a fun time with that. pitts and cameron specifically seem to almost always be doing something interesting in the background.

hopkins!!!! my favorite minor character who somehow got character development despite having like 2 lines!!!! the last guy to stand on the desk but he did it!!!

sometimes i do like to think about what the rest of the students thought about the dead poets society, esp in alternate timeline neil lives dps keeps meeting universe. like yeah theres this guy in their class whose one of the most credited students in the school and we think he maybe started a cult. idk though. but that group runs out into the woods every few days to do god knows what and one of them keeps talking about "dead poets honor" whatever that means and holy shit welton star student neil perry started a cult.

i watched the movie with headphones. and maybe it's because ive seen this movie Far too many times and mabe i'm listening too hard but it was Really obvious sometimes when audio was added in post production. llke in the sweaty toothed madman scene when you can hear laughing and to be fair the camera is behind their heads. but it does Not look like anyone's laughing. my favorite is at the end of the phone call to chris scene where knox is like i'm gonna seize the day!! and runs up the stairs and the poets are cheering him on and neil is sort of yelling "carpe!!!!" and i could be wrong but i'm like 75% certain that the person singing is Also rsl so now neil is just speaking two times at once somehow. anyways it didn't ruin the experience for me or anything it was maybe just a little bit funny to notice but very sorry if this did ruin anyone's viewing.

people talk a lot about how rsl and ethan hawke really made their characters what they are but i have to add dylan kussman to that list. I get the impression that older versions of the movie didn't really give as much depth to cameron and watching dylan kussmans performance is like. he Knew who his character was so fucking well and it shows!! like the deleted scene of them getting clubs assigned. like i could tell So Much about cameron from that scene

for how little she actually appeared, there is an emphasis put on the fact that neil's mom smokes pretty frequently. and i think that's interesting considering neil is one of two poets shown actively smoking. neil's mom doesn't appear for very long in the movie but during that time it definitely seems like the movie is intentionally making parallels between the two, particularly in the last argument with neil's father. neil and his mother are both sitting for almost the whole time, which contrasts with his father who is standing. they are both almost powerless in this scene. they stand up at almost the same time. anyways there's a couple different possibilities for what this could mean? that i've though of? 1. to show that neil's mother is in a similar situation to the one neil is in in regards to neil's father and 2. maybe a stretch here but the theory that neil inherited his mental illness at least partially from his mother. i'm pretty sure 1 was fully intentional on the directors part, not entirely sure about 2 though

unmanned flying desket scene: it's probably cause he and ethan wrote the scene themselves but the way rsl talks in this scene feels more like the way he talks in general than the rest of the script. like briefly neil perry is talking in rsl's voice. one of my absolute favorite scenes though the sarcastic dialogue is so good.

the light of knowledge at the first shot of the film vs. todd standing on his desk at the last shot of the film paralel

[tw1sty-b1tch]

G3RTRUD3 R0B1NS0N? STUP1D 1D10T M0TH3RFUCK1NG G3RTRUD3 R0B1NS0N GOD DAMN FOOL RITUAL STOPPING KNOWLEDGE EATING RAT OLD BASTARD SHITHEAD IDIOT AVATAR OF THE CUNT BIGGEST CLOWN IN THE CIRCUS LAUGHED OUT OF TOWN COWBOY MOTHERFUCKING GERTRUDE ROBINSON. STOP PINNING ME WHEN I TALK ABOUT GERTRUDE ROBINSON I HATE HER SO MUCH WHY DID SHE KILL SO MANY OF HER ASSISTANTS WHY DID SHE DECIDE TO FUCK AROUND AND BREAK FUCKING RITUALS? THIS BASTARD BITCH HAS SUCH A VISCERAL AFFECT ON ME NOT EVEN IN THE ROOM NOT EVEN ALIVE BUT I KNOW SHE HAS THE WORLDS SHITTIEST CARDIGANS GET AWAY FROM ME.if i wanted to carry out our ritual but gertrude robinson was waiting inside i would fuck the entire thing up for the sole purpose of not having to see her. if i have to deal with hearing gertrude robinson speaking one word on a tape not only will i close the door i will delete my myself from existence out of spite and have to murder every tape with her on it for the experience of being able to completely block out the times when she is mentioned or alive. she is a manipulative bitch but i am not just mad because i am ANGY. she doesn't even have an actual fucking reasoning like the desolation killed my cat my ass. fucking old ass grandma looking could blow over in the wind shithead. BETTER have had a better reason for this cuz if she didnt Im going to make him.paypal.com/IFuckingHateGertrudeRobinson. conversation was not even about her. vaguely mentioned what is supposed to maybe be one of her past assistants and I lost it. why the fuck did elias kill her first i was going to fucking do it. being shot is too basic for that crusty old twat. i wish she was alive so i could have the pleasure of killing her myself. .crusty old woman. ill stab gertrude and her sad frail old lady twig bones will simply flake apart under my epic huge pointy fingers and she will disintegrate until all thats left is one final bomb she kept on her at all times with a post-it-note simply reading fuck you in ancient yiddish. im not breathing im hyperventilating at this point. i hope theres a date given for when gertrude died so i can make it a reminder on my phone, and everyday once a year i will see it and do anything but pay respects to the woman who had so many assistants slaughtered

[olderthannetfic]

I'm feeling weird about an interaction I had the other day, and I'm wondering if I could get... I dunno, advice, I guess? From the usual commenters here.

So, context is that three-ish years ago, I got hate-brigaded in the fandom where I did most of my writing, in a way that came out of nowhere, and also in such a way that I felt like I deserved it. I ended up deleting everything I'd made for that fandom off the internet just to make it stop, including nearly six years of an art blog. I got a reality check later from friends whose credibility I trusted a lot more than random strangers on the internet, and eventually reposted most of the fic (backdated to the original dates of posting), and do actually still post fic in that fandom (also backdated to avoid notice). I also post a couple of fics on that account that are not backdated where I write with OCs from the original fandom fic in other fandoms.

The other day, someone who had been working their way through kudosing my stuff in the old fandom posted a complementary comment about it on the most recently updated of the two fanfics that isn't in that fandom, said they liked my OCs in the original fandom fic, and asked if I'd ever be interested in writing about that original fandom again. I explained that I was still writing fic in that fandom, it was just all backdated because most people really did not seem to like what I was writing.

And they responded saying that was too bad, and asking my opinion about a character they love, noting that it's pretty obvious from my fic that I don't like them and wondering why. And, like, this was probably just someone who was looking for fandom connection... but the character they were asking about is one of the most popular characters in the entire fandom. Most of the people still actively writing fic in this fandom are writing about this character, so if they wanted people to engage with about this character, they had basically everyone but me to engage with. And the person who set off the initial hate brigade against me that lead to me deleting basically my entire internet presence for months had this character as their URL.

So in my brain, I immediately go, "bait, this is bait," and delete this person's comments, delete my one response to them, and lock down comments on all the works on that account. And I know, I know that's paranoid overreaction. Based on their kudos pattern, this person was clearly working their way slowly through all the things on that account, which is not something someone who was only there to bait me would do. The only slightly off thing they did was comment on an unrelated most-recently-updated work instead of one of the works for the actual fandom. Probably they didn't realize that most people have comment emails turned on and didn't know I'd see a comment if they posted it on one of the older works, and they definitely didn't know what asking that particular question would do to me.

But I just... don't know how to exist in a fandom space any more without intense paranoia. I want to keep writing these things that bring me joy, and I do, but I miss being able to have my comments open without fear. I miss being able to post to a blog that wasn't locked down from Tumblr search. I wish I could interact with ANY fandom these days—not just that original one, but any fandom at all—and not feel like someone is going to turn on me out of nowhere. I can't overstate how out-of-nowhere that hate brigade was: my average fic got maybe 2 kudos. My art blog had fewer than 100 followers, and on average I got like 5 notes. I still to this day don't know why the person who set it off had such a hate-on for me, because it was clear from some of the anons I was getting that they'd built up a hell of a litany of ills to pile on my head, while all being vague enough that I never quite got a clear picture of what they were accusing me of.

I know part of the solution is to grow a thicker skin, and to block frequently. And I've been working on that, I guess I just... thought I was doing a bit better at growing a thicker skin and not being reactionary and the other day's incident made it really, really apparent I'm not, and I don't know what to do about it, because apparently the therapy is not doing enough! (Not that my therapist understands fandom...)

Any advice?

--

I mean... it's PTSD or something of the sort. Treat it as such.

[pastadoughie]

other posts abt this are getting deleted

my brother killed himself- the one i actually like somewhat (ryan) & not the nazi shithead who tried to choke me to death this time last year (julian). i am the youngest of 3.

hes kinda a complicated guy, similar to how they treat me i only ever get to hear about him through other family members making fun of him for his every issue - so much of what i know is negative.

most of my opinion of ryan for the past 4 years maybe has been sortof admiring- atleast in comparison to my other family members- hes the only one who actually shielded me from julians constant phisical abuse, & the only one with the sense to realize that my entire family is a bunch of miserable abusive leaching assholes who are best off associated with as little as possible. i may think hes a racist & a bit of an idiot but i still really respect him as the only person who doesnt treat me like eaither a rabid dog or a walking suicide note

its a bit offputting to me honestly- the last time i had a close relationship with him was when he was a terminally online barely legal teenager- boyblogging about my little pony & fat bitches on the internet & trying to escape a deeply abusive home life dispite having no money & no education. primary difference being with me being trans & disabled & my abuse more overt & overarching i dont really get the luxury of having any kind of positive feelings about anyone in my family. i wouldve been dead years ago if i hadnt learned how to deal w/ myself & my emotions entirely independantly. its a recursive cycle i suppose

he called a few family members shitfaced drunk the day of- was made fun of them by every one, a few hours later was supposed to go to work. drove onto an empty road in his lexis at night. driving straight before making an entirely unessasary turn to veer off the road- flipping his car multiple times over. dieing on impact- hes gotten in many accidents before- & had flipped that car & gotten hurt previously & likely rendered much of its safety features unusable.

in all likelyhood probably alot about money- a certain degree of reckless drinking & petty theft charges & unpayably expensive car repairs & your problems stop really being fixable- needing a level of both financial & mental health intervention that nobody is wiling/capable of providing to someone they veiw as a drunk.

i dont have many thoughts on this topic that i feel are meaningful- im someone primarily apathetic & only incedentally empathetic- i only show proper emotions in maybe small 20 minute intervals once in a blue moon

my primary source of emotion has just been how angry my entire family seems to be at me specifically- a unanimous & explicit & constant reminder that they would really really really rather i kill myself then them have to ever look at me or deal with my stupid inability to do seemingly easy tasks like work & schooling. i guess theyll never really get any self awareness. in many ways i dont respect any of them- even ignoring everything else theyve ever done thats just kindof a ghoulish & overly cruel thing to say- but you cant tharapyspeak your way out of being atleast a little emotional about your entire family wanting you dead

im just gonna keep silly posting as usual. abiet maybe somewhat lower energy. especially because people are seemingly incapable of treating me like a normal human being & not flattening me down to solely my life situation, out of some strange assumption that treating someone like a 1d characature of a mentally ill person from a tharapy training course is somehow less offensive then saying something mildly triggering by accident

[quibbs126]

So today I learned that apparently g1 Galvatron is just like, actually insane, as in severely mentally ill

There’s apparently an episode where one of his own men commits him to a mental hospital to get help (but the treatments don’t work and he blows the place up, and I heard it’s actually supposed to be about bad mental health institutions but idk I haven’t seen the episode)

And I don’t know, I find this fascinating. Also alongside the fact that he used to be Megatron, the powerful leader of the Decepticons, but seemingly after being remade to serve Unicron, he became a different person but also maybe not?

Admittedly I’m not the most well versed in this topic because I haven’t yet seen the 86 movie or Season 3, I’ve only heard things from YouTube videos and posts on tumblr

But back on topic, I kind of want future series to explore this with Galvatron. From what I understand, in more recent continuities, he and Megatron tend to be made separate characters, likely in part because they want to make more sympathetic Megatrons and he works as an evil alternative. But I want to see them as the same person and have this explored more

Like maybe the idea that Unicron stripped away the last semblances of Megatron from him, and he’s trying to regain it without entirely understanding how, and maybe re-evaluating the things he’s done to even get to this point in the first place

Okay to be perfectly honest, I don’t think I know exactly how I want this to play out. I’m struggling to come up with the right words here, I already deleted my first idea and I’m not sure I like the one above. What I do know is that I’m intrigued by the idea of Galvatron being genuinely mentally unwell, possibly to the point where his own comrades try to help him get better (and also maybe Optimus trying to help since he’s a lot closer to Megatron these days), as well as the potential loss of identity becoming Galvatron brings him and him trying to regain semblances of what he once was