#maybe if they go back to some kind of yearly schedule then it could be here by 2019... cool.... so far....

[liesmyth]

Do you think the Nine Houses follow a Marxist, Keynsian, or Austrians economic model

this ask made me SO happy you have no idea! some vague thoughts

The Houses obviously have to do careful resource allocation. I doubt they have a free market economy, at least not on a system-wide scale. I could see some of the Houses — like the Third or Fifth Houses, which are by all accounts wealthy and with a very large population — develop some kind of internal capitalist economy within the House itself. Namely, private actors who control and own properties, wealth accumulation, competitive markets etc. But ultimately I think even those are subject to strong (local) governmental oversight because, again, they live on space installations in a situation of constant resource constraint. I bet there are quotas for everything.

However! No way ALL the Houses have a market economy. I'm thinking especially those Houses that are very small and/or have a "mission" which means that societal development is carefully planned, and probably the economy is also centrally planned. (Ninth, Eight, Sixth, maybe Second and/or Fourth).

On an overreaching scale (within the Home System) I don't think "the Empire" (as in, John) is overly concerned with the yearly economic development of the Houses, partly because he's been historically absent for decades or even centuries at a time. Verging sharply into headcanon territory, I think the closest thing the Houses have to a real centralised government is military leadership (High Command or the Fleet Admiral, who's the head of the Second House) and when it comes to issues that concern multiple Houses but are more "civilian" in nature, is kind of a free-for-all. I'm thinking about how Harrow thought that writing to ask for help would result in the Fifth or maybe the Third cannibalising the Ninth House — it looks like there's an informal council of House leaders, but no properly organised central government.

Trade: travel and commerce between the Houses is regulated. You can't just take a spaceship and move from the Eight to the Second, for example — movement of people as well as goods depends on a ship schedule that runs on "routes" and I'd bet there's an immigration/emigration quota that's maybe decided between specific House leaders, or maybe a third party. My best bet is that one of the Houses (possibly the Third or Fifth) OR an ad-hoc organisation (which includes multiple higher-ups from said well-off Houses) are the ones who regulate shipping and travel, and either have an ownership stake in the shipping system or administrate it in the name of the Emperor.

The shepherded planets: putting the "imperialism" in "Empire". The Houses definitely exploit their colony planet for resources, as per AYU (talking about the "contracts" that the Empire signs with the occupied planets). However, it's also worth noting that 1) for at least 5000 years, the House system was self-sustaining and hadn't made contact with any other population; and 2) stele travel is kind of a hassle, and only seems to be limited to Cohort ships that we know of.

What I'm getting at is that I think the economy of the Houses is not dependent on their war of conquest — imo it's more of a mission of conquest for conquest's sake, see Corona thinking that the economy of the Houses doesn't quite add up, and Augustine talking like the ongoing expansion of the Houses is a whim of John's and little else. Basically, it seems to be a way to oppress the occupied planet for occupation's sake, and I wouldn't be surprised if the resources the Houses extract from the conquered planets go straight into financing yet more war and occupation and very little (if any) of any wealth they may accumulate makes it back to the Houses.

It COULD be that there's a necromantic equivalent of the East India Company, and my bet would be on the Second administrating it — Harrow doesn't seem to rate them at all, which tracks because Harrow's primary concern is Houses that could be a threat to the Ninth, and the Second being focused on exploitation that's external to the Home System could be an explanation for that. I've also seen speculation that making money from colonialism is the Fifth House's purview (*) but EYE think it makes more sense if the House that are more strongly associated with running the war effort are also the ones making money from it. Or it could be a joint operation.

(*) never forget the iconic tag #we regret to inform you that spreadsheets dad is maybe running the necromantic East India Company @katakaluptastrophy here)

Anyway. Sorry I haven't answered your actual question! GUN TO MY HEAD, if I had to pick ONE economic model to map the Houses onto, I wanna say soviet type economy (think: centralised planning, no inflation, little to no unemployment, tendency towards black market, little to no innovation). I have thoughts about what the consumer needs market looks like in the Houses but nobody needs to hear that. Also, it's def very limited

If anyone has thoughts PLEASE feel free to jump in, I'm always thinking about the logistical side of space imperialism in the necro empire!

[brittle-doughie]

This is pretty much what I wanted to show you(I'll try to shorten it as much as I can)

Meet Hollow Flora Cookie

Type: Magic

Position: Rear

Pronouns: He/Him

Hollow Flora Cookie(Formerly Known as Melodic Berry Cookie), he was the Attendant to the 5 Beasts prior to their Corruption while also becoming the Mentor of the current Ancients when they first got their respective SoulJams. Now he's the King of the Cookie Kingdom the Brave Gang, Sugar Gnomes and Blueberry Birds reside

This was pretty much how he used to look like when he was still the Beasts Attendant

Description

"A Cookie as kind and compassionate as he is mysterious. A skilled Mage and Fighter that appeared out of nowhere, taking in numerous Cookies under his wing and teaching them of his ways as a fighter or mage, maybe even both. When asked of his name from his students or himself, they'd often say "Hollow"

No one knows what had happened to him after the birth of the Ancient 5..... But rumours started to spread that after he ended his life of being a mentor, he had travelled far and wide until he found a Kingdom that he settled in. Though, no one knows whether or not he had stayed or left..... But if one thing is for certain.....

...... He was alive and he had began to call himself Hollow Flora Cookie"

(Don't mind the bad cropping, I don't have a stylus pen right know, don't even know were only one went...)

Hollow Flora Cookie's Soulstone

"This stone holds a piece of Hollow Flora Cookie's soul. It exudes a calming yet stern aura with a sort of emptiness to it and the melodic tune of...... Crying..?"

Hollow Flora Cookie's Past

Back when the 5 Cookies were new and had reigned over EarthBread in peace

Due to the Witches' busy schedule, a lone Cookie was left forgotten near Magic Crystals as the Witches had gone on and about in their home

Due to how the Cookie was made and baked, it had absorbed the Magical energy of the surrounding Crystals, resulting in it's ability to release said energy and return it to it's own body

The Witches had learned of this little Cookie when a sudden glow emanated from a corner. Looking back to the first 5 Cookies, the Witches decided to prepare this little Cookie for an important role

The Witches had introduced the new Cookie to the 5 as "Melodic Berry Cookie" and that he'll serve as their Attendant

Due to his responsible and diligent yet naive and curiosity nature, the Primordials took an instant liking to him, often doting on the small Cookie and enjoying their peaceful days along with the rest of EarthBread

So when the Primordials began to give in to their dark desires...... Their love and adoration for Melodic Berry Cookie had taken a dark turn as well

Melodic Berry Cookie did what he could to convince his beloved Masters to stray away from the dark path and come back to who they once were

But his opes and fatih in believing his Masters were still there were crushed when they had placed him in a House-like prison where he endlessly cried at his own uselessness for not stopping his Masters in time

So when the Witches had asked him for help with sealing them. He immediately agreed with the exchange of helping him fake his own death

While the Beasts mourned the death of the body double while the real body was in a glass coffin in a comatose state, the Cookie was to be reborn again

.......

Okay, some extra stuff on Hollow Flora :D

Where his colour palette originated:

A summary of what happened after the Beasts were sealed:

Got to the Faerie Kingdom severely injured, which resulted in the Faerie Cookies fixing him and going wings. He also became a Silver Tree Knight after a decade or so of being there until he left Beast-Yeast 57 years before the current Ancients came to be but would visit The Faerie Kingdom yearly

This is pretty much his suit:

Some facts about him:

Due to being bound to a bed for centuries, he would sleep anywhere, but a bed

Has taken a liking to Custard Cookie the |||.(Their dynamic is basically that Rosa and Arlo the dog scen from Brooklyn 99)

Has no shame in sharing stuff about his students to their closest friends and family. A prime example would be him commenting how Dark Choco was similar to Dark Choco when he was around his age. This resulted in Dark Cacao quietly pleading for him to not share anything

Has the compassionate ✨️rizz✨️, which resulted in many letters and gifts. What's funnier about this fact is that he's oblivious to what he's doing to these Cookies' hearts. And then there's the fact he's good-looki-

Basically his Kingdom skill:

......

Okay, that's it for the ask...... Feel free to ask me if you have any more questions

This is quite the read! I normally have reservations with Gacha stuff (have any of you seen the YT videos?), but I don’t mind the use of it here if visuals are needed to paint a picture!

[fairysteve]

What was private school like? I'm assuming you don't have a basis to compare to a public school (and those vary drastically depending on where you're at in the world/country/state/or even within the same city) but maybe you do have thay comparison.

Just curious maybe even to what kind of classes were offered? A school is a school but there has to be something to set a private school in a different category or why would they exist.

💙

I got insecure and googled it, and according to wikipedia a more accurate name is charter school as tuition was free. The admittance is on a first-come, first-served basis.

But it was still different from public school, which I did go to. I started charter school in 6th grade and then went to a public high school afterwards.

My specific charter school is called Kunskapsskolan (knowledge school) and surprisingly, out of 80 schools, only 36 are in Sweden. (Apparently, they have schools in the UK, USA, the Netherlands, India, and Saudi Arabia. Although Wikipedia uses the word sponsored for them so they might not operate the same?)

Anyway.

It was a very individual learning plan; the subjects were split into steps and courses. You had a step goal for the step subjects since that was completely under the student's control, and then a grade goal for the rest as the course classes had group projects, while music, art, and phys ed were weekly classes.

The classes in another province were home ec, wood shop, textile shop/sewing, and engineering. Engineering tended to be part of the courses. I only chose sewing once, and that was the time I didn't go lol

For those classes, you had two classes each day; one subject before lunch and one after.

The rest of the year, you planned your schedule each morning in a logbook and then your homeroom teacher had to sign off on it.

For the step subjects (swedish, english, modern language, math), there were workshops hosted by teachers if you wanted to be able to ask for help. Otherwise, there were computers or group rooms that you could use to study on your own or with classmates.

For the course subjects, there were obligatory lectures and seminars.

Every fifth step, you had to show your work to a teacher, and there were certain things you had to do in class, so planning your schedule was important.

Of course, this whole step system meant that you could skip school very easily. You just had to be back for homeroom at the end of the day, and not miss any obligatory stuff. I took some very long lunch breaks and afternoon breaks.

And it was very easy to use the computers for other things. I wrote a lot of fanfiction for a certain magic school fandom, made games using powerpoint, and went on forums. I also wrote a lot of poetry during this time.

There was also one year that I had a lot going on and just fully skipped phys ed, but never got told off, and I also got a passing grade. (This coincided with the year that one of the math/science teachers was also teaching phys ed, at least for my class.)

Oh, and my homeroom teacher married the music teacher. The above-mentioned year, she was on parental leave. My class and the music teacher's class got to see their home in 9th grade. They had made a quiz where each answer was a student; I was the answer for a question about Alice in Wonderland.

(Each grade had 4 classes, I was in class 2 and the music teacher was responsible for class 4. The labeling was grade-class so I was in 6-2, 7-2, 8-2 and 9-2.)

Other fun facts to throw in is that the school used to be a mental hospital. There was a locked building on the grounds full of old hospital beds and stuff, but the windows were blocked so you couldn't really see in. I had a friend in the grade above that was a medium and said the school was haunted.

My class had a sleepover at the school in ninth grade, as our fun graduation thing.

Oh, and there was a yearly, student written musical. I never ended up being brave enough to participate but they were fun to watch!

[uptoolateart]

All the Missing Pieces - Ch 6

PREVIEW from Chapter 6:

‘A family.’ He turned the words over in his mind, counting the syllables, imagining the letters written down and tracing their shapes with his mental eye.

‘You…do want one someday…don’t you?’

A vision filled his mind, the same vision that always came to him when he tried to imagine becoming a father someday. A vision that made his blood run cold – of his own image blurring with Gabriel’s. Of becoming Gabriel.

‘It’s not that I don’t want one. It’s more like…I’m as unsure about how that will look as I am about what pathway to choose when I go to lycée.’ This was an inadequate response that didn’t begin to touch upon the real issue, but he didn’t have the energy to go into this fresh set of fears.

She shook her head. ‘You’re…you’re right, I’m sorry. We’re only fifteen, anyway. What am I doing, putting this on you. We have years to work this out. Of course, you don’t want to think about this now.’

‘It isn’t that. It’s more….’ He clenched his fists as he fought to find the words. ‘You have everything planned out – right down to the hamster. And I get it. That’s what you’re like. In or out of the costume, you’re Ladybug, and that’s what first made me fall in love with you. I love your mind, Marinette. I always have. I’m just…not that person at all. I’m not a planner. Plagg says I’m not even a thinker. When I do think about this future that’s coming for us….’

She laughed softly. ‘You make it sound like it’s some kind of monster with teeth.’

‘Isn’t it?’ He wasn’t joking.

She scooted closer to him. ‘I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this serious.’

‘I don’t think I’ve ever felt this serious.’

She licked her lip. ‘Listen.’ She took his clawed hands. ‘Forget the family, okay? Forget all of it. Maybe I plan too much. There’s a risk, there, because I get these fantasies in my head and then if things don’t work out the way I dreamed, I get disappointed. Like, really disappointed. Like, the world is going to end and maybe we’ll all be sucked into a black hole. I mean, who knows what’s going to happen over the next five years, right?’

He blinked as pieces slotted into place. ‘You were planning on starting a family at twenty?’

‘Um. No.’ She pushed a lock of hair behind her ear. ‘I also didn’t plan for Emma at twenty-five and Louis at thirty.’

He blinked some more. ‘Wait. What are we naming the first one?’

‘Hugo,’ she said immediately.

He choked back a laugh.

‘You don’t like the names?’ She sounded genuinely concerned.

‘They’re fine,’ he assured her. ‘They’re beautiful. And the kids will be beautiful too, just like their mother.’

Ooh, that was the right thing to say. He knew it as soon as he saw the way her pupils dilated before her eyes softened in that lazy way that invited him to kiss her. Maybe Felix was right. He might not have had a career plan, but he knew exactly what he wanted to do with his life.

He moved in closer, so their knees touched. ‘Twenty might be a little young. Could we push the five-yearly baby schedule back a little? Give us both time to finish a degree, maybe, and find our feet?’

‘All of it is negotiable,’ she said. ‘I value your opinion.’

He laughed and shook his head. ‘Only you, M’lady. Only you.’ He leaned in for that kiss, and she kissed him back. He pulled her into his lap, so her legs were around his waist. He wanted badly to feel her with his actual fingers, but he also didn’t want to de-transform and end up with Plagg watching them and listening to them and, worst still, commenting on them. In this big bad future that was coming, they would definitely need to take off their miraculous in such moments.

The kiss deepened, and it hit him that in this future there really would be such moments. The end of childhood meant the beginning of a new phase – the beginning of freedom. No more hiding on rooftops when their parental figures thought they were in bed. They would live in a house that was all their own, where they made the rules, and they could do these things whenever they wanted.

Read at Ao3

No archive warnings apply but please read tags - rated Teen+

[nathank77]

6/12/24

12:05 a.m Edited/Added to 12:07 a.m

So I researched deep cleaning estimates and other stuff about it. For someone in the lowest income bracket it's not affordable. He is over charging a bit but it's right on par.

Beyond that it's scary what they actually do. They like go down to your jaw bone and your gums have to "reattach," I hate to say it but until I quit cigarettes... and come into a lot of money, it's really not only completely too expensive but it's stupid. It's like getting gum grafts right now... it's dumb af if I keep smoking. He basically just doesn't want to work with me saying hey kid in poverty pay for this which can cause receding gums and they can not reattach right if you keep smoking... and you'll have to do this yearly... 1400$ is almost 2 months of my monthly income in total.....

So yea it's safe to say I'm not doing that. I suppose when I quit cigarettes I'll consider doing that with gum grafts....cause that's the only way it make sense...

I have to call about the filling/sealant and see if anyone will do that but at this rate it's going to be prob a year from now cause I can't think about being on the phone with husky for 5 hours waiting for someone to answer a 5 second question, "how will paying out of pocket for a 6 month cleaning effect my annual cleaning? Will it change the date?" In order to be seen anywhere I basically have to schedule that 6 month cleaning. I could call around for Estimates on filling/sealant but they are going to make me pay for a cleaning if I do it... and I would have to call husky first.....

So I guess the brown spot is going to have to stay until I call husky.. I'd rather do Columbia. They are cheaper.. and I'm sure everything is cheaper there... I may call and ask both places about the cost of sealant and if I could have my xrays get sent over from the dentist I just went to, to them and just come in for it but I doubt it. Maybe I could get an estimate on the cleaning with the two fillings....

It's looking like it's a dead end cause who knows how much the 2 together would be just to be seen...could be 500$, and I don't see back pay coming in anytime soon if ever. I still got to call Disability... but even if it does I won't pay for a deep cleaning unless I quit cigarettes. It makes no sense to me. The gums might not even reattach right.....

So I'll call a few places and get a few estimates on sealant/filling and the cleaning. And debate if I have 6 hours to wait on hold for husky.

I feel like I won't have teeth in 10 years and then I'll kill myself. My mother is 62 and she has hers but I mean I just wish I could quit. I wish psychosis would go away and let me smoke weed again and then I could quit stupid cigarettes but it's cigarettes or a bottle of pills and a dreamless sleep cause I can't lie I need a vice.

He said my teeth were healthy. My gums are receded but I already knew that. I just wish he could have helped my one brown spot. I would have paid out of pocket for that today to make my smile look nicer... but yea I have anxiety. And my gums in my lower front teeth feel angry but I mean it's obv psychosis. It moves a little... and obv I'm still hallucinating... thanks Kristen Dew. I don't even know If what I feel my body do is real or not.....also things hurt and it's tactile hallucinations..... some of it. But what? Thanks Kristen.

I hope l salivarius helps. Cause other than having good oral hygiene that's all I can do. And I hope someone will be willing to fill my grooves and let me have a white smile its depressing. You can only do chrest whitening strips once a year...

I also started 2000mg of white mulberries today cause I felt so hopeless once I went to the dentist and then started to do research on deep cleaning and realized I've kind of hit a wall with it and can't help myself bc of money and my mental health...

[theritualofourexistence]

03/03/24

March 3, 2024

After my first post detailing my journey to a diagnosis in 2023, I got an immense amount of positive feedback. Many of you reached out to thank me for my vulnerability, to call me brave, to share positive and uplifting stories of those you know who are also navigating MS. That validation is part of why I write and share my experiences but that kind of feedback is also just the hallmark of a good, supportive community–and I am so, so thankful for you, my community.

As the positive responses rolled in, however, my lizard brain started to do lizard brain things.

It’s sometimes really hard to share these stories in a way that is both honest and optimistic. I often wait to write things out until I’ve done a lot of processing and regained some stability–only after taking the time to do that can I usually spin things in a positive light. All the delightful responses to my first post made me wonder if I was really being honest enough. Obviously you, dear reader, are a part of my support community, but the majority of my friends and family who are traveling this road with me are spared the nitty gritty. Maybe three of you have been exposed to my darkest thoughts and only two of you have watched the panic attacks in real time. Only one of you has witnessed the rounds of dry (and wet) heaving–sorry, mom. Over the past few weeks in particular, I’ve wondered whether or not I left out too much of the struggle when I wrote my first chronicle.

I very much wrote my last update from a place of gratitude, and while I often still feel gratitude very strongly, looking back on my journey from symptoms to diagnosis to treatment plan with optimism was a privilege. A privilege that, for the moment at least, I feel like I’ve lost.

I write to you know from a place where I have been able to do less processing and a place that is, admittedly, not real positive. But if I want to be honest, which I do, it seems appropriate to share from this place too.

After my diagnosis of multiple sclerosis on Halloween 2023, I started pursuing access to a treatment for this disease called Ocrevus which is widely heralded as one of the most effective (read: “best”) treatments to manage this disease. I had to battle my insurance but managed to win my appeal and eventually got my first infusion scheduled for February 16th. A blessing I am retrospectively immensely grateful for is how much time I had to research Ocrevus, to ask questions, and to wrap my head around what this treatment would look like and mean. Not to spoil the trajectory of this update, but something I regret pretty deeply is how many of my eggs I put in the Ocrevus basket and how little energy I spent on having a back-up plan. Some of this was intentional–I know believing in a positive outcome is more likely to lead to a positive outcome… and I worked hard to believe in the Ocrevus. To believe my body could tolerate the medication and to believe that it would be an effective way to manage my disease long term.

If you know me, you know I’m anxious. I was anxious about this treatment, even though I successfully put a lot of energy into trusting and expecting a positive outcome. Ocrevus is a twice-yearly infusion with a loading dose split in half that you receive in two initial infusions two weeks apart. The infusions are long so I anticipated spending most of the day in the cancer center. I had a plan, I brought lunch and things to entertain myself. My mom took the day off to be with me. The staff at the cancer center were excellent. I had serious worries about getting the IV successfully and comfortably placed but that went more smoothly than I was expecting.

Every Ocrevus infusion is pre-treated with a steroid and benadryl to help prevent a serious reaction. I knew about the benadryl in advance but did not know about the steroid. In the past, my body hasn’t handled steroids particularly well. I pushed through this surprise and desperately clung to my hope that everything would go smoothly.

About half way into the infusion, I started experiencing a common response to the medication–itching in the back of my nose and throat. I was warned about this by the nurses and reassured that while the reaction is common, most people receive a second dose of benadryl and finish the infusion with no additional concerns. Knowing that I needed extra benadryl did cause my anxiety to spike so I took anxiety medication with that second helping of benadryl and waited for the reaction symptoms to pass. Sure enough, within an hour, I was able to continue and ultimately finish my first Ocrevus infusion.

The relief I felt when they disconnected the empty Ocrevus bag from my IV was blissful but short-lived. In the hour-long observation following the infusion, my heart rate and blood pressure began to climb. I was experiencing some chest tightness (a symptom that often accompanies my anxiety) and if you’ve ever been around medical professionals, you know saying something like, “I’m noticing some tightness in my chest” is a sure-fire shortcut to the emergency room. Which is where I found myself at 4:30pm on February 16th.

Now, when I say my body has not tolerated steroids well in the past, elevated heart rate is one of the things I have noticed before. I am still suspicious that what I experienced that Friday was a reaction to the steroid paired with anxiety, though elevated heart rate is a recorded symptom of an infusion reaction and I understand the necessity of being safe instead of sorry. There is no way to know exactly what my body didn’t tolerate well that day but being told I was being moved from the Cancer Center to the ER certainly didn’t help my heart rate or my blood pressure.

We were fortunately able to secure a space for me ahead of time so that I could avoid the ER waiting room. That space was in the behavioral health unit but hey, I’m familiar with that wing and have no complaints. My first round of testing included an EKG and blood work which were fortunately normal. An elevated d-dimer led to some additional excitement in the form of an urgent chest CT but that came back normal too. I was given more medication for anxiety and took my own blood pressure medication and eventually things started trending in a healthier and more comfortable direction.

My heart hammered in my chest at 135 bpm until about 8:30pm. When all the results of my tests came back normal and my heart rate finally started to dip back into the 115-120 range, I was discharged home.

During the chaos of the ER trip, I didn’t really stop to think about what my reaction to the Ocrevus would mean for my treatment. Those thoughts came blasting into my awareness like gunfire pretty quickly after getting home.

Would I be allowed to continue the Ocvreus?

If not, what the fuck was I supposed to do next?

Scariest of all was the sudden, nauseating uncertainty about tolerating other treatments. What if my inability to tolerate the Ocrevus means I am no longer a candidate for any of the high efficacy treatments for MS?

I left the Cancer Center knowing my neurologist had put my second infusion on hold. I believed for a time that maybe I could convince him it was just the steroid and get the second infusion anyway.

The Saturday and Sunday after my infusion were two of the hardest days I have had since I first considered potentially winding up with an MS diagnosis all the way back in July of 2023. In fact, that Saturday and Sunday were two of the hardest days I have had in a very, very long time. Every moment was haunted by the fear that I would be unable to find a medication that would adequately manage my disease. Every time I closed my eyes I pictured my life unfolding as one sad slump towards permanent disability and death. Until Friday, February 16th, I felt like I had good options to control this disease and I felt confident that control was possible. Suddenly having to swallow a far less certain future was not something I handled particularly well. While I’d love to blame some of the darkness and drama on the steroid, I don’t know that that’s fair. I was deeply hopeless. More than once I wished my heart had just exploded in my chest in the ER so that I wouldn’t have to face the impossible decisions coming towards me too fast to adequately weigh and consider.

On top of that darkness, my infusion experience also did some significant damage to my (admittedly fragile) relationship with my body. It was hard to walk away from the ER and not blame my body for having the response it did. For landing me in a place where I need this treatment in the first place.

The Monday after the infusion with some help from my saintly mother, I started to drag myself out of the Ocrevus hole. I forced myself to recite some affirmations. I wanted to choose things that had at least some element of truth so I could work on rebuilding my trust in my body while finding something to cling to as I pushed myself towards the next hurdle.

“I am grateful for my body.”

“I am impressed by my body.”

“My body fights. And I will fight for my body.”

In the two weeks following the infusion, my mental state has continued to even out. I catch myself wondering sometimes if there’s a limit to that… if there’s a place I can be pushed to where my brain and my body and my soul won’t figure out how to crawl back. Ultimately this time doesn’t seem to be that–and that’s something I am very grateful for.

The gratitude is creeping back. The optimism is stubbornly MIA.

I have a new treatment plan. Instead of choosing to push my providers to continue the Ocrevus, I’ve decided to listen to my body and pursue an alternate treatment. This medication (Gilenya, for those keeping track or working on a list for character name options for a new fantasy novel) comes with additional risks and potential side effects and I would be afraid of those things even if I had 6 months to research this medication. I’d be afraid because I was told the Ocrevus would work for me and I believed it would and it didn’t. So now I have to pivot (something I am royally bad at) and I have to prepare to expose my body to another medication that will disrupt a lot of my systems in an effort to control the disease actively dismantling my body from the inside out. I’ve asked some questions but there are a lot of questions I won’t have answers to until I swallow the first pill. That is not something I am good at tolerating.

My anxiety is my biggest challenge right now. I feel afraid almost all the time. I know the fear is sometimes rational and sometimes not–there are a lot of very rational things to worry about when you’re voluntarily suppressing your immune system during COVID and flu season. I feel the anxiety squeezing me almost all the time. I can still function and I can still find joy. But my anxiety is a constant and unyielding companion these days and man, is that exhausting. I don’t know if the Gilenya will work for me, I don’t know if my body will tolerate it. I will only know after I work up the courage to try and, if I find I need to pivot again, I have no idea how I will summon the energy to do that.

One thing at a time, though.

Having a plan helps. And this time around I have a back-up plan (or two) as well. But that doesn’t answer all the questions, it can’t, nothing can, and I have to figure out how to move forward without answers.

I have, however, moved forward without answers before. And although it is not comfortable, I know that I can do it again.

The songs I included in my first post were also very much the product of all the processing I had a chance to do. When I’m in these low places, it’s very hard to find things that consistently help me feel better. That Saturday and Sunday there wasn’t anything that helped me feel better. In the two weeks that followed, I honestly didn’t listen to much music. Over the past few days, though, I’ve found myself drawn to one song that I’ve included a link for here.

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"You Are the New Day"

I know that my brain offered me this song for a handful of specific reasons. Wildly, I chose to include my favorite lyric from this song on my calendar for this month only to find the same lyrics in my TimeHop the very next day–in a Facebook status from 14 years ago.

Fourteen years ago I stood on the precipice of the hardest thing I have ever survived. Before February of this year, I don’t think I would’ve hesitated to call my misadventures in 2010 the worst thing I’ve ever confronted and lived through. Thinking through it, I know that although February was hard and I won’t mince my words about it, it wasn’t harder than 2010. I survived 2010, and I will survive this too.

I’m still doing my affirmations. I’m preparing to start this new medication once the half-dose of Ocrevus clears my system. It would be hard to navigate a new MS diagnosis and treatment even if current global events had a kinder tone but I won’t lie–it’s especially hard to rebuild optimism on my own micro scale when I’m also constantly bombarded with macro-level heartbreak. I don’t have it in me to be hopeful or optimistic right now, but I’m still moving forward despite that. Every step forward brings me closer to a place where I can once again embrace hope as my philosophy, and, in the meantime, just surviving by finding comfort in the little things will be enough.

I’ll conclude this update with an important reminder from one of my favorite chefs, Jet Tila:

“You don’t always win, but you always have to try.”

[alyjojo]

Leo Yearly Career & Finance Reading 🪖2024

Preshuffle: There’s an exciting new beginning being shown that you’ve waited patiently for. Could be regarding work, which is showing up as financially rewarding and beneficial to you, you could be teaming up with a person or being gifted a loan of some kind, in order to make a big purchase. There’s mutual love and respect between those around you.

Meditation: 50/50. Half of you were with a big group of people at a strip club, throwing money at the people on stage, and the other half of you were the strippers. It was a big party atmosphere, everyone drinking and hollering out goofy things, laughing about it. This could nod to parties, gatherings, social occasions, drinking possibly, sex work or entertainment generally. Good times 🥳

Main Energy: 3 Pentacles rev

For most people, I would see this as other people being difficult, but this year it could definitely be you that’s not willing to listen or work together in cooperation with others. There’s a lot of independent energy in you, for the first half of the year, you don’t feel like you need anyone - life is great - and you are happy with that. Later on through, that becomes an issue, and Collaboration is here as advice, allowing yourself to be inspired by others while not necessarily doing *exactly* what they would do or what they tell you. That’s everyone, you have to be yourself too. You could be aware of some shadier characters around you, and you trust yourself to not fk yourself over, so you’d much rather just tackle things solo. It’s a mantra of “I got it.” With this comes Obstacles, Overwhelm, and Worry, I don’t see 10 Wands yet but I’m feeling it. Everyone needs someone to rely on and that’s what feels like is lacking for you this year, maybe by choice. At work, be careful of alienating coworkers by acting like a one-man show. If you act like you can do everything and you know everything, people will gladly step out of the way and let you stumble, it’s on you, and less on them. There’s a note here that if you are always relying on others, it could be them hanging you out to dry, having enough. 9999 is being shown clearly with Collaboration, 9 Pentacles & Cups together in April, and The Hermit in July. It’s important to be independent and confident, going after what you want. But what fun is that, alone? For how long?

January: 8 Wands & 4 Swords

Oracles: Principle

Zodiac Signs: Libra & Sagittarius Sun/Jupiter

Principle is about personal beliefs, mantras, habits & practices, particularly over 4 Swords, your health. Sleep. Queen of Cups clarifies, this is about self-care. Eating better, exercising more, specifically in small routines like an avocado a day or a protein shake every morning while you walk the dog. You’re definitely active and taking care of yourself, and if not then you’re probably learning more about things like this. Signing up for a gym membership, hearing about a certain diet, getting an allergy test because something you ate made you splotchy. Whatever it is, you intend to stick to a regime from here on out, which is totally fine. The issue is with the heavy Sag energy, which can be quite bossy and fanatical, so say you’ve stopped eating dairy, now the whole house isn’t eating it because YOU won’t buy it. Sewing seeds for rebellion or conflict. You could also be getting test results back, I’m not seeing any worst case scenarios for that. Some of you may have faced a health issue and acted quickly, maybe having to miss work for a bit. Or a partner has. In few cases, you could be hearing of cutbacks at work, whether lay offs, postponed or canceled bonuses, the building gets shut down due to health hazards or everyone just gets sick, you or others, and whoever is around has way more to deal with. It’s possible a vacation is being scheduled or taken at this time, mental health days, I don’t get anything being wrong with this. You could also be messaging a friend a job offer if they’ve hit hard times, or switch it. There could also be a breakup based on what I’m seeing in February, if so it’s quick, cut off & done.

February: 5 Wands, The Lovers & Judgement

Oracles: Adaptability

Zodiac Signs: Libra, Gemini Sun & Moon

It looks like someone is moving on really quickly if this is a breakup, but they’re being quiet about it. An old lover may return, especially if you have children together, and you could argue over who is dating who and what’s appropriate as far as kids are concerned, can we not do this in front of them until you’re serious about a person, curb the hoes, something like that. There could be an affair going on at your job, or with an ex…ex spouse even. Messing around with the baby mama/daddy. This person could be a single parent. I don’t see deception, it feels more like trying to be respectful and allow pieces to fall where they may before the world needs to know. It’s private. Or you’re fighting a person you’re with / were with for keeping secrets in this way. Could be at work, regarding work.

Specifically work wise, you could be developing feelings or a crush on someone that’s obviously good looking. And you may not be the only one after them either. You may stay quiet about your feelings or trying to get invoked with someone because your financial situation isn’t exactly how you’d like it to be, especially if you’ve lost a job or have missed out on some sort of bonus/perk/tax check? I don’t see major debt, but maybe a struggle. Some of you are trying to sort child support or finances generally with an ex, and you’re already feeling someone, but it has to wait, or that’s switched. Someone isn’t happy with the decisions being made, it could be something new, a relationship, a direction in life or hobby, a job, there’s a vibe of “who put you in charge?” - or swap it. Especially if this is regarding something close to your heart, why should anyone else make that decision? This could simply be a new passion or hobby you’re keeping quiet for fear of judgement, especially from a partner.

March: The Sun & Queen of Wands

Oracles: Resourcefulness & Endurance

Zodiac Signs: Aries, Scorpio, Cancer

You won’t be keeping yourself quiet or small for long! This month you are confidently showing off whatever it is you’ve been holding back, and you’re hoping for support, hoping others are rooting for you as much as you’re rooting for yourself. Are they…I’m not sure, I don’t actually see anyone here, or their responses. If you have a new lover, you’re proudly displaying them. If you have a new hobby, you’re going ALL IN, your new obsession over dirt bikes will lead you to buy one or more of them, and set up a trip or five in order to act on this new obsession of yours. You could be redecorating a home, or traveling somewhere you’ve always wanted to go, maybe even bringing back art or souvenirs to decorate the home with. You’re either feeling attractive (especially with all the effort you’ve put into health), or you’re with someone new that you are just drooling over, they’re hot 🤤 If single you could be traveling with the hopes of finding some hot Brazilian lover or an affair to remember, there’s an EatPrayLove vibe about you that’s #goals fr. Single goals. You or someone else could be gifting each other something in the realm of your new obsession, showing at least one person supports this. I can’t tell about family, either they’re the ones that do or definitely don’t, it depends on what role you have been playing vs. this confident & excitable you. 9 Pentacles shows you being unbothered regardless, your main goal right now is living your life, and you’re enjoying every second of it! Some of you could be side hustling with feet pics or sumsum of that work, and you feel great about it, so does your bank account. If you’ve got it, flaunt it! I can see where family might be an issue there though.

April: 9 Cups & 9 Pentacles

Oracles: Seduction & Submission

Zodiac Signs: Gemini, Virgo & Pisces Venus/Jupiter

Someone is definitely into sex work, or paying for it possibly. 9 Pentacles flexes their cash on extravagance, especially with 9 Cups. Everything here screams sex, possibly with multiple people or having some kind of double life with this…at the bottom is the ex, the baby mama/daddy, the one not really knowing what’s going on while you’re over here living the high life. Not that they need to know, your energy feels 100% single, 9’s are single. The bottom of the deck can show you need more sleep, need to take a break, or this may be that vacation/travel I saw earlier in the reading, coming to fruition. Someone is going to sweep you off of your feet and you’re not going to stop them, financially you’re doing just fine and then some, this is a high that’s going to be hard to come back down from. Up all night, over and over again in every room of the wherever you are, romance, passion 💋, and no care or forethought with money. You’re willing to spend it all without a second glance.

May: 6 Wands rev & Knight of Swords

Oracles: Patience

Zodiac Signs: Leo, Virgo Jupiter

The comedown, the release, the reality check. Welcome back to earth or home etc. You’re not gonna like it here 😆 I don’t see craziness or too much chaos, but I do see conflict, possibly regarding an ex spouse and any children involved. Maybe you don’t talk to them or miss your days. You don’t pay attention or communicate something necessary. I get the intention being to just be patient, reunite, and wait for someone to get over it. If this is work, I don’t think you’re telling anyone about your sexual exploits or adventures (or you’re leaving that part out). No one you know really well, no one with some deeply ingrained version of you in their head. Like your parents. If only they knew! You’re trying to act morally above board, follow protocol, fit in with the narrative of whoever surrounds you. Responsible, old fashioned, logical. Not that you’re not those things, it’s just more of a mask you’re trying to wear until you can get back to your real life. Fun, passion, joy…and smut 💋 In some way you may be trying to come forward with some truth, but it’s sugar coated for others to swallow easier than if you just laid it all out there. You’re not trying to create conflict. For many it’s just “back to work”, back to real life, your ego & high are deflating like a balloon, while simultaneously getting shit done - you’re reliable like that.

June: The Hanged Man & Page of Swords

Oracles: Speculation & Charity

Zodiac Signs: Heavy Cancer Sun/Saturn/Jupiter

Your perspective may change on the very thing that had you feeling over the moon in March/April. It’s all becoming a burden, a heavy weight, more responsibility to carry. Some of you are managing two different careers, lovers, lives, and it’s getting hard to maintain. If there’s a lover, I assume they live at a distance, because distance between you is what you’re kinda pissy about at the bottom of the deck. You wonder if someone is giving this as much as you are, emotionally, in your brain space, etc. Are they genuine? If you have an online sex business going on, the watching is the burden, could be specific requests or things people say, you’re starting to get uncomfortable and feeling defensive like you could be being degraded or something (people are into that idk), and you’re like wait a minute…no. Any job that’s commission based or based on the public giving you money, tips, sales, etc., it’s becoming more of an issue than a blessing. You could put more energy into researching marketing ploys or different ways of advertising. It could just be someone says something that really gets you in your head, and you start questioning everything. That’s not a bad energy. All of the Cancer placements going on here could point towards children, the home, the family, certain responsibilities and expectations of you, it could just be that weighing you down. Keeping you from traveling, travel keeps showing up as something you really enjoy, but you may need more money. Side note: there could be people of a specific race or from a particular country that are bothering you somehow, I’m not getting hate or anything from you. Like if you have a TikTok you could be obsessed over in idk Russia but in a degrading way, or you’re a meme now, it’s that vibe. Or there are just less people overall, less attention, less spark, but why? If you’re trying to keep something quiet, it’s hard for you to do, you could feel like you’re interacting with your life from the outside, and not even being authentic to yourself.

July: 2 Pentacles & Wheel of Fortune

Oracles: Concentration

Zodiac Signs: Sagittarius & Gemini Saturn

Opposite signs, you’re living opposite lives or it feels that way. Could just be your fantasy vs reality, what you want vs what you have to do, it’s a reoccurring theme throughout the year. Could be because you don’t say anything. 2 Pentacles is constantly going back and forth between two issues, two people, weighing pros and cons, unsure what to do. This can also show you being extremely busy and kinda scatterbrained, you don’t even have time for yourself much less anyone else right now. If there is a family involved, you worry about consequences, judgement, confrontation, karma. You worry about being alone. All of this is going on inside of you, you could be very introspective around this time, slapping on a smile for friends, family and coworkers but really just trying to be patient, trying to work through whatever you’re needing to work through before you get what you want - The Star ⭐️ Or you deeply believe you’re on the right path, even if it’s hard right now. You could have too much going on right now, and also don’t want to “bother” anyone, or make anyone upset. You’re also easily distracted and will have to continue pulling your nose back to the grindstone, being too chatty or distracting with friends or coworkers could get you in trouble.

August: Page of Pentacles, 6 Cups, The Star

Oracles: Innovation

Zodiac Signs: Virgo & Aquarius Sun/Jupiter

Beautiful energy, very progressive, thoughtful, intelligent, and forward thinking. This seems to be a very healing conversation you’re having with someone close to you, formerly close to you, could be the ex spouse, an old friend, a sibling, etc. Some sort of group dynamic in your life is getting fresh life blown into it, you could find yourself being very nostalgic, while simultaneously seeing how far you’ve come from the days when you didn’t know xyz. You could have big plans to change something in your family or friend group - for the better. Maybe you’re coaching a kids team or volunteering to be a Girl/Boy Scout leader, doesn’t even have to be that big, but whatever it is falls under “visionary”, healing, and positive. Work may be the same way, you could have a conversation with a supervisor about a vision you see for something that you think would make things a lot better - and you’re probably right. Collaboration is going to work very well for you this month, you are someone that’s very giving to the whole of some group, team, could be charities, but you’re giving a lot of yourself and it’s definitely being appreciated. If you’re involved with some spicy lover 🌶️ they could be a Twin, could live enough of a distance away that you can’t see them often (Brazil? I heard that) and you’re planning for the day where you can. You’re committed to whatever you’re doing and taking it very seriously.

September: Page of Cups & 7 Swords

Oracles: Quarrel

Zodiac Signs: Leo & Cancer Mars

This Queen of Pentacles clarifying keeps coming out as the old person, the spouse, the friend you’re making up with, the ex. They’re the ones you’re having a deep healing conversation or experience with, and then this month they find out what you’ve been hiding? There’s a big fight, you’re defending your position on the matter, they’re angry with you for whatever it is you’ve done. Being happy? Moving on? Keeping something to yourself if nothing else, they might have been under the impression there would be a reunion or a rekindling and then find out the truth that you’re not even on that page with them. This could be showing you’re being kinda sneaky and strategic with your money, maybe because an ex is still on your case or you owe them and aren’t paying? Queen of Pentacles can be a single parent, that can be you too, if the other parent isn’t trying, or did a lot last month and then disappeared altogether, there will be an argument where someone is called out and things are brought to awareness. You or they have waited on the other person for who knows how long, and meanwhile they’re operating in the shadows for themselves. Someone may be defending a lie or shady behavior because of the shock value, could be your work too, or someone you work with, a highly charged emotional reaction is here.

October: Knight of Wands & Ace of Pentacles

Oracles: Bluff

Zodiac Signs: Sagittarius & Gemini Jupiter

Jupiter will actually be in Gemini by this time, and that may be beneficial for your career & finances - however, this oracle is about bluffing, tricks, persuasiveness, someone is very convincing. Could be you, lying like a rug, and it’s about money if it is. You may be trying to hide side money made however you do it, so you don’t have to pay the ex more? Child support, more alimony, more whatever it is. Straddling the line of illegal. For some it’s someone else, rushing in all excited with a new opportunity, maybe even a job. This is a warning to not take less than you deserve and not fall for pie in the sky ideals, you have the ability to see a spade as a spade and you should wait for proof or some tangible thing, a contract, a ring, a signed something that shows you this is legitimate. For most, it’s not. If you find something amazing you spontaneously want to buy, this is showing it’s fake, but there is one much better if you save some more money. Be smart with purchases 💯

November: Page of Wands rev, Knight of Pentacles & 5 Pentscles

Oracles: Companionship

Zodiac Signs: Taurus, Sagittarius, Virgo, Heavy Libra Sun & Moon

Either you’re coming off as immature or someone else is, could be a whole group of them in the family or work. I keep hearing “you’ve lost your sense”, this could be a slip up, not paying attention, something gets lost, damaged, forgotten, brushed aside, and it’s deeply hurtful. You could just forget, or last minute cancel on someone because work has you swamped, maybe you’re claiming to not have enough or you can’t spend on xyz. People are waiting for you and you’re doing the right thing, working, taking your time, being patient, but whoever is against you doesn’t care. If you’ve had a flirty things going on this year, this could be the month that ends, because of distance, jobs, family. Maybe you were planning on relocating across the world because why not, but your kids are here, so is your job, and your parents, it’s like stability and legacy keeps you tied to something you’re not even fully with but is it enough? No. 3 Swords may be outside yourself as well, this distant lover may move on to someone else and you’ve waited all this time, you’re hurt. Your career may have done something one way for the longest time, but now they’re being more unreliable and not showing up for you like they were, cutting hours, cutting benefits, money is lacking. It could simply be a lack of money that keeps you from traveling, seeing someone, reuniting with people - maybe for the holidays. Or that’s others towards you. You could find out you have to work or be on call and there’s nothing you can do about it.

December: The World rev, 5 Swords rev, Knight of Cups rev

Oracles: Versatility

Zodiac Signs: Aquarius & Gemini

It looks like you’re trying to fix whatever went wrong in November, trying to heal, apologize, make up for some lack that happened before - maybe just your lack of presence. If the problem wasn’t you, then you’re probably forgiving whatever the situation was in the first place. Worry is attached to a particular outcome happening the way *we* want it to, and here it’s being shown as “delusional” or Knight of Cups rev, not realistic, not seeing the truth of a situation but hoping for some sweeping romance or change that’s not going to happen because xyz. Family. Life. Work. Money. And maybe it’s just right now, but you’re coming around to seeing things the way they need to be seen, or you will. Everything in divine timing, rejection is just redirection, you never know what disaster you’re actually avoiding by being pulled in another direction. Versatility calls for being flexible and air calls for detachment from any particular outcome, just go with the flow and enjoy whatever it is - while it lasts. At the bottom of the deck is doing the right thing, working hard, being morally correct and standing by some code of ethics, beliefs or standards in order to keep the peace, go with the flow, maintain happiness, or to be an example - whether at work or home. 4:44 on the clock as I finish this reading, 4’s are about home, stability, solid relationships, structure, boundaries, commitment and celebration. That’s a great ending to a year.

[willowser]

okay, but hmm. did not consider personal assistant au for kirishima specifically. and i feel like — the things that you would find out about eijirou, beyond red riot, would be so intimate and so surprising.

because maybe you're new, to the assistant thing, hot off the press. his mom has been managing his affairs for a while now but she's getting older and kind of tired and sometimes kiri wants to go to her house and just be a son and not a hero. sometimes he just wants to eat her cooking and wash his clothes in her detergent, because it smells like home, and not talk about what's on his schedule for next week and why he's got to endorse another toothpaste brand on instagram.

all you know about him has been spoon-fed by the media; he's been a friendly face in hero society since he was sixteen — someone people looked up to and knew they could rely on, someone they trusted to get the job done and get it done right, because kirishima is and always has been the shining, beaming face of justice. he's kid friendly, has a tiktok, does a lot publicly with his fans, attends conventions and hugs people even if they didn't pay for it along with their ticket.

he's the good guy, always smiling.

and the first time you start to question that, he's sitting in his office. alone, after dark. the city below offers a very dim light that creeps up through his half-shuddered windows and he's staring at the hardwood of his desk, completely zoned out, and he's — unhappy. obvious there, in all his cracks and crevices. the width of his eyes and weight of his frown makes him look older, and whatever is going on inside his head has him by the throat, because he doesn't even look up when you linger in the doorway, when you—

"uh, sir?"

and then he blinks, planted back inside his skin before looking up at you. "sorry, what's up?" his voice is raspy, moreso than usual, as if he hasn't used it in hours, and you wonder how long he's just been sitting there. thinking. when he smiles at you, it's soft and warm, like a blanket fresh out of the dryer, and your frigid worry is thawed from how believable it is.

he's very professional with you, albeit friendly; making jokes, going out on very rare occasions with your coworkers, though he only has one drink before leaving early. only calls you by your last name and never instructs you to do different with him, tells you good morning with that same trademarked cheer, never spends too much time with just you, texts your work phone only — and for strictly work related things.

very rarely takes days off, and when he does, he finds himself back in his office anyway. tidying up or going over reports from the last week or checking his emails or figuring out if you ever got ahold of so-and-so.

kirishima is standing at your desk, looking over his to-do's for next week, murmuring to himself when he can fit time in for the gym or for the yearly charity run they do in kamino. and again — you're struck with the reminder of him as a fresh-faced teen and all that he had to endure. if it's warped him, trapped him into whatever he is now. you wonder if he even realizes it, though the haunted look on his face from before hints at a startling truth.

"aren't you tired?" you ask him suddenly, peering up as he looms over you.

he smiles, even chuckles. "what? whaddya mean?"

"it's your off day, you know," you frown and his lips twitch in response, displeased. "you should be at home, like, i don't know, getting some rest or watching die hard or something."

he doesn't say anything at first and your eyes go a little wide, because his silence has you worrying you've crossed a major boundary with him. he's kind and you're not afraid of him; you only hope you aren't being too forward or offensive.

but there's something that lines the creases around his eyes, a bit wry as he studies your face. you get the odd feeling this is the first time he’s ever looked at you. but a soft snort comes out of his nose and then he's grinning again, beaming.

"i'm in more of a predator kind of phase right now, actually." and he makes the odd, alien little noise, mimicking how it opens its madibles with his fingers and you can't help but to laugh at him, all too aware of the gaze he keeps on your face even after you look away.

for the most part, he has very good composure; you've never seen him get mad about — anything, and he hardly swears, which you think is really odd considering which other pro hero is constantly stomping around his office. it has you wondering what attracts them to one another; what of dynamight is in red riot, too, that makes them such good friends, natural partners. a strive to do good, to win, but you think, maybe, it's something deeper than that. darker, even.

red riot is meant to give a speech at a ribbon cutting, after a few commercial buildings are decimated in a villain attack. although he wasn't particularly part of the rescue, it's still him they choose for their front page. for their podium. as their shining star.

it's the first time you see him crack, really.

behind the curtain they've hung up, hiding as some community official drones on and on about the true meaning of heroics — despite not being one — and kirishima is standing beside you as you quietly go over what you've written for him. you don't even notice he's not listening until his breathing is louder than your voice, and when you glance up from your flashcards, he's — somewhere else. zoned out, just like he had been in the dark.

"sir?" you murmur, and he's popping all his fingers and flexing his palms and kind of shuffling in place, oblivious. "hey, sir?" before you can reach out to touch him, he's tugging at the tie around his neck like it's choking him.

and he whispers a harsh "fuck" before squeezing his shut.

it takes you completely by surprise, though a guilt-laden voice in the back of your mind reminds you this isn't new, that this is something you maybe should have addressed earlier, instead of letting him suffer in a masked silence.

"fuck," he says again, leaning his head back to try and steady his rapid breathing. you think he might be hyperventilating. "fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck,"

"kirishima?" and it's his name from your mouth that has him returning, looking at you for a moment before exhaling, wiping his hands on his slacks as he jostles like his skin is uncomfortable over his bones. "what's wrong?"

"no, nothin', i just—" he swallows, adam's apple bobbing, and you frown as he peeks behind the curtain and back into the crowd and cameras that are set on the stage. waiting. "goddamn it."

he's panicking; the realization has you stunned, but — he is twenty-six and just a man. one that's been built from the ground up, in the shape of something that's become too heavy after so long. even for him.

"hey," the notecards slap against the floor, forgotten, and you step in front of him to tentatively place your hands on his arms. if you're crossing a boundary, he doesn't seem to notice. "hey, hey, we can cancel this."

"what?" he looks at you like you're crazy, swallowing again. for the first time, you see an angry crease develope between his eyebrows. "no, no, i can't—they—i've got nothing to do with this and still, they want red riot to—"

"i don't give a shit about 'red riot' right now, okay?"

you think this is definitely going to get you fired; he rears back from you like you've slapped him — maybe you have, metaphorically — and he goes completely silent. breath evening out. eyebrows raised in stunned offense.

"i'm talking about you, kirishima." you clarify, daring to reach out and touch his elbow with what you hope is comfort. he just stares at the point of contact, open-mouthed. "if you don't want to—"

but then they're calling his name and people are waving him on and he's gone under the weight of his mantle, walking out without worry as he grins and smiles and waves and thanks everyone for coming. your notecards were worthless, because he has the entire thing memorized by heart and he pauses at the right times and laughs his little laugh so that everyone else chuckles, too.

picture perfect: that's what you think when you watch the playback later, on youtube. wouldn't even know what he was hiding, in his shadows.

you wait until you're back at the office and everyone has gone home to talk to him, and when you linger in his doorway, he doesn't notice for a long time. staring blankly at his dark computer monitor, far away.

this time, it's him that moves first, eventually having to a double-take to confirm you're really standing there. you're expecting anger or annoyance or frustration to come pooling out, but — he just smiles, a little more obvious in his insincerity, and says, "hey."

you don't say anything, though you do come further in to stand right across his desk. waiting, for him to reveal himself.

he doesn't. "sorry about earlier, i get a little stage-fright sometimes," sheepishly, he laughs, scratching the back of his head. "i didn't mean for you to see me like that, i just—"

"i am," you sigh, continuing when he quiets and raises his eyebrows at the interruption. "going to go and get some shitty bar food and a beer and go home to sit on my couch and watch all the predator films."

he relaxes, just a little. just enough. "even a.v.p?"

"yes, even a.v.p." you want him to invite himself, but you should know that's a step too far, for him. instead he just tells you "sounds nice" and then eventually, whatever lives in his head begins to eat its way out. "and i would really enjoy some company, kirishima, if you are interested at all."

the rejection is clear on his face and so you look away to spare yourself, trying not to take it personal. this arms-length he keeps you at is — odd, and you can't figure it out. you wonder how long it's been since anyone has breached his walls. how long it's been since he's let them.

"that's okay," you surrender, offering him a timid smile though he frowns. in the smallest moment of sincerity, his eyes flash with something and he stands, hands curled into fists like he would reach out with them, if he didn't glue them to his sides.

"i am tired," he finally says, and his eyes droop and he smiles, waning and weak, a lopsided turn of his lips. one of his little teeth peeking out, like a fang. "you're my employee and i shouldn't but, i am really fucking tired."

you're stunned, again, and he fishes his keys out of a drawer and walks over to you, suit jacket forgotten on the back of his chair. his tie is gone, too, nowhere to be found. you hope he threw it away.

as he's locking up his office behind him, he turns to you, almost shy. "only if we get chicken kaarage, though."

you smile and so does he and it's real, for the both of you. for the first time.

[dajaregambler]

HeliosR - Gast Adler Card story ‘‘Little Fireworks Display’’ (full)

Translation of Gast Adler’s #Photooftheday card story from ‘Helios Rising Heroes’.

Includes all three parts in one post.

Part 1

Victor: --And that’s all I had to share.

Victor: Tomorrow is scheduled to be a day off. And since there is no instruction to be on stad-by, you can spend the day as freely as you please.

Gast: Hell yeah, time to kick back and relax♪

Marion: It’s indecent to celebrate that.

Gast: Aah, m’bad. Blurted that out ‘cuz we’ve been so busy lately, with intensive training on top of it

Ren: Training is something you ought to do everyday.

Gast: Won’t deny that but, aren’t you happy ‘bout takin’ it easy? Y’know, like being let to sleep in all you want in the morning?

Ren: ….I don't indulge in such things.

Gast: Alright, alright. I’ll take note to wake you up in the mornin’ then

Gast: Actually, what’cha guys gonna do tomorrow? How ‘bout hitting up town to go see some fireworks if none of you got any plans?

Victor: Fireworks?

Gast: Yeah. Tomorrow’s the yearly tradition of that big ol’ fireworks festival in Little Tokyo

Gast: The fellas can’t go this year due to some circumstances. So I thought, hey maybe the team could tag along instead and all… how ‘bout it?

Marion: We’re replacements, in other words

Ren: You’d be better off asking Akira

Gast: Hold on, it ain’t like I’m tryin’ to fill in the gaps…!

Gast: Watchin' fireworks while having a nice meal with the team doesn’t hurt once in a while, yeah? Call it an extra to the dinner party♪

Ren: ….I don’t like crowds.

Marion: I sit down to enjoy the fireworks each year, except that it’s together with Nova and the others on the Tower roof. 

Victor: The detonation of gunpowder is quite nice, however observing the luminescence of substance is equally as enjoyable.

Gast: Uh, uh-huh. And there’s your typical answers from everyone… 

Gast: Hmmm… Had been lookin’ forward to it every year, but guess I’ll call it quits this time around

Marion: ….Stop pouting. It’s making us look like the bad guys here.

Marion: I have no qualms with you joining our fireworks-watching party, if you’d like to see from the roof.

Gast: Eh…. You sure!?

Marion: Only because of how pitiable you looked there. Besides, it makes Nova happies when there’s some more company…

Marion: Which reminds me Victor, he should’ve invited you already, yeah?

Victor: Indeed he did. Since there’s no research in particular which requires urgent attention, I accepted his offer.

Marion: Sigh… In that case then Ren should join us too.

Ren: Eh…

Marion: Not as mere freeloaders though. You’ll all help with preparations.

Ren: I-it’s not like I-

Gast: Sure! I know more than enough to make this fireworks party a blast, so leave it up to me♪

-

Victor: East was crowded no matter where we went, however it looks like there’s even more people in Little Tokyo.

Gast: It’s because of all the stalls gathered together in different areas in the spirit of the fireworks festival.

Gast: Look, there’s hotdogs, tacos, hamburgers. Not to forget yakisoba and candy apples from Japan, all typical to Little Tokyo

Marion: ….Why is that one stall selling skewered cucumbers?

Gast: Sure got impact, don’t it. They say it’s pickled cucumber on sticks, some kind of Japanese-style gherkins. 

Marion: ….I was wondering why it’s only offering that though.

Gast: There’s even more people now. Oi, don’t get separated from us, you hear me Ren?

Gast: Ren…?

Part 2

Ren: …..

Stall owner: Oh, ya got some good eyes there, young man~ As ya can see we make our baby castellas in the shape of kitties. All homemade specialities.

Ren: Baby castella?

Stall owner: Type of sweets that’s a staple for stalls back in Japan. They’re sweet ‘n tasty, lemme tell ya

Ren: Sweet, huh…

Gast: Lil’ cat-shaped cakes? I see, that’s what you’re into

Ren: ……..!

Gast: You were completely captivated by ‘em… We almost left you behind, y’know?

Gast: So, you want one?

Ren: I-it’s not like I want one…

Marion: Huh, cat-shaped castellas. Jacqueline would be happy with these.

Gast: Pops, gimme two of those castellas

Stall owner: Comin’ right up!

Ren: …You know I won’t eat it?

Gast: But do you want one, yeah? I’ll eat ‘em instead.

Ren: Don’t you dare. That’s a crime.

Gast: Okay, now you’re exaggerating…

-

Gast: Yakisoba, fried chicken, frankfurters, cotton candy and candied apples. Awright, we bought all kinds of stuff.

Marion: Was it necessary to buy all of this? Jack’s also preparing delicious food.

Gast: Well, that’s true but still-

Gast: With this is ain’t if it’s good or bad, but rather ‘bout that charm of savoring that festival feel, like it’ll taste delicious when watchin' the fireworks

Marion: ….I don’t quite understand.

Gast: S’all good♪ You’ll totally get it once you had a bite

Victor: ……

Ren: Victor, what are you looking at?

Victor: They’re selling sparkles over there, yes?

Gast: Oh, they are. That night shop sells all kinds of fireworks

Gast: Been a while since I’ve seen some sparklers. Akira shrugged them off as boring so we didn’t get to play around with ‘em

Ren: He only cares for the flashy ones because he’s an idiot

Ren: ….Will and I liked the sparklers but, Akira would toss them away.

Gast: Haha, expected no different from him.

Gast: Anyway, Doc, you familiar with sparklers? They oughta only sell these here in Little Tokyo

Victor: Well, it’s merely that I happen to know what they are by chance. It’s the first time seeing the genuine article.

Gast: I see…

Victor: Fireworks are originally something made out of combining gunpowder and fine powder from metal. The beauty we’re able to see is the result from the science behind flame reactions.

Victor: How about I give you a little demonstration at the laboratory next time, if you’re interested? 

Gast: Aah… haha, if there’s ever a moment for it, yeah

Marion: Hey, no lectures in the middle of a busy street. Let’s go back to the Tower if we're done shopping

Gast: Ah, right. It wouldn’t be good to let everyone wait for--

Jack: Emergency, emergency.

Gast: Uh-oh, what’s this?

Jack: This message is for the heroes assigned to the North Sector.

Jack: There has been a discovery of substance within a facility listed for demolition. Heroes possible for deployment are requested to head over to the scene. I repeat-

Gast: Substance, eh… Should we head over there? Even though we’re in the middle of our break.

Marion: Obviously. The fact that we got contacted despite it being our day off indicates there’s a shortage of help.

Victor: Then let us be on our way to collect the substance.

Gast: Haha, Doc’s rarin' to go

Ren: We can’t be late

Gast: Yea---- Wait, Ren, that’s the wrong way!

Part 3

Gast: ---The reaction came from ‘round these parts, huh

Marion: Quit the distractions. There’s a possibility Eclipse is on the scene, get it together or I’ll knock that easy-going mood right out of you.

Gast: Alright, alright, I got’cha

Victor: How unfortunate, Gast.

Gast: It’s fine. I was really looking forward to seein' fireworks with everyone though

Victor: I see… Still, it is our duty to protect the festival goers.

Gast: Yeah, no changing that…

Gast: Thanks, Doc♪ Alright, gonna swoop that substance right up for the safety of the citizens!

-

Ren: …..What are we going to do with the yakisoba and everything else?

Gast: It all got cold, eh. Let’s put it on a big plate and warm it back up.

Gast: The fireworks might be over but we can still eat the stuff we bought

Marion: I’ll go ahead and call Nova and the others over. Since it looks like you waited without eating anything yet.

Gast: Okay. We’ll bring out some more plates then.

Ren: Where’s Victor?

Gast: ? You’re right, he ain’t here. Isn’t he holed up in his lab since we collected that substance?

Marion: Geez, that guy… I’ll call out to him too after going to Nova’s.

Ren: Victor?

Victor: Could everyone head over to the roof in 30 minutes?

Gast: The roof? We were about to eat the stall food we bought though…

Victor: Will it not be lackluster with no fireworks to enjoy?

Gast: I mean, yeah it will but… The festival’s done and over already, right?

Victor: Indeed. That’s why I’ve prepared some sparklers instead.

Gast: Huh?

Ren: Did you buy some earlier from that one place?

Victor: No, I made them myself.

Gast: You MADE them…!?

Victor: Yes. We had all the needed ingredients at the research department, and with Nova’s help we mass-produced some using machinery.

Gast: I-is it something that easy to make or?

Victor: It wasn’t difficult at all. While trial and error is indispensable, I believe it can be roughly replicated.

Gast: Right…. You’re somethin' else, Doc

Victor: And thus I would like all of you to gather on the roof of the Tower in 30 minutes.

-

Jacqueline: Jaaack・・・The sparkler went out again・・・

Jack: You have to use sparklers gently. Geeently, very gently.

Jacqueline: I’m holding it geeently~

Nova: Sorry, Jacqueline. I was too absorbed into reproducing them, it would’ve been better to work on the durability instead~

Nova: Alright, next time I’m definitely making sparklers that won’t go out at all… Huh?

Nova: Jacqueline, look at Ren-kun’s sparkler. It’s sparkling all prettily~

Ren: ….Don’t stare at me

Jacqueline: Wow, it’s super pretty!! Ren-chama, you’re amazing~♪

Ren: ………

Marion: Jacqueline, want to give it one more shot? We’ll hold it together this time around.

Jacqueline: Yes-nano! We’ll show Papa some pretty fireworks~♪

Nova: Ahaha. I believe in you, Jacqueline

-

Gast: Thanks, Doc

Victor: ….What are you thanking me for?

Gast: Well, it’s thanks to you that everyone could enjoy some fireworks

Victor: I simply lent out a hand in order to enjoy our scheduled day off.

Gast: Haha, if you say so♪ Then, wanna do one more thing for me?

Victor: What may that be?

Gast: I’d like for you to also enjoy the fireworks♪

Victor: …Fufu, very well.

[peninkwrites]

The First Night - Ch 3 of 9

Sapnap has a night shift. It should be boring, but a handsome face ready to bite his head off helps shake things up.

crossposted to ao3

Ch 1

Ch 2

Ch 4

Mafia AU masterpost

~ Sapnap ~

Sapnap passes his housemate on the way into the precinct, the sun just touching the city skyline.

“Where’re you going?” Sapnap stops him with a hand on his shoulder.

“Oh, I’m off for the night,” Dream brushes him off with a smug grin.

“You were supposed to have desk duty.”

“I got George to swap me for a day shift,” Dream gives a sarcastic salute to their friend, who looks perfectly comfortable laid back in the desk chair, unresponsive from behind tinted shades.

“Why, you have plans?” Sapnap nudges him.  “Without me?”

“Hey, I have a life outside of you,” Dream rolls his eyes.  “I’ll probably get home same time you do.”

“Oh those kinds of plans!” Sapnap laughs.  “Don’t have too much fun without me, asshole.”

“No promises!” Dream heads out with a skip in his step.

Sapnap saunters over to the desk, hands in his pockets.  “Hey, George.”

George remains unmoving.

“George!” Sapnap claps in front of his face.

“What do you want?” George sits up sharply, startled awake.

“Dream usually keeps me company, so.  I’m your problem now,” Sapnap sits up on the desk.

“Um, no, actually, according to the Captain, you’re East side’s problem tonight,” George taps the note left on the desk.

“He’s sending me out alone?” Sapnap whines.  “Sam has been such a hardass lately.”

“Mhm that happens when your department is a failure,” George says dryly.  “You want company, try and get Dream back.  I’m not moving.”

“No, fine, I’ll be a… a lone wolf, then.  Take on the streets by myself,” Sapnap says haughtily.

“Well, make sure you’re a lone wolf in street clothes, okay?  You wear that thing over there– over there alone, Dream gets a body bag instead of a roommate tomorrow.”

“Oooh, so morbid!” Sapnap teases.  “I’ll change.  Radio me if something interesting happens.”

“Nothing interesting happens over here,” George waves him off, laying back in his chair.

Sapnap changes, not bothering with a car.  Even the ones that aren’t squad cars are too recognizable.  He’d rather just tread carefully.  Sam has been downright paranoid lately, which isn’t too far out of line considering all the trouble the Badlands have been giving him, but it does mean Sapnap is stuck wandering the streets on the off chance something happens.  Sam has been reluctant to schedule specific patrols as those have almost constantly been met with either suspiciously little mob activity or a shoot out where out of sight officers are picked off like flies.  Maybe Sapnap should be taking this a bit more seriously.

Sam’s rules are clear.  If an officer is alone, or even just with a partner, report mob activity, don’t engage.  Which means even if Sapnap does see something, no fun allowed.  He’s supposed to run home and rally the troops.

There are other things he could be doing.  Writing parking tickets or something.  Little things like that are usually left alone over here.  No one is going to risk their neck for a petty fine.  Maybe there are some benefits to living in mob territories.  Sapnap also knows there are Speakeasies dotting this side of the city.  That’s where all the booze smuggled into the docks gets sent.  He could find one, surely.  It’s been a few years, but he remembers the ones his d– that the Badlands had.  No one would have to know he’s a cop.  He could sit back, have a drink.  No one has to know where he went on his shift tonight.

No.  Even if he doesn’t get recognized as a cop, he doesn’t want to get recognized for anything else, either.  He can’t say he doesn’t miss living over here.  Living in some snooty neighborhood gets so boring.  The people are always sizing him up.  Sure, if he told someone over there, oh, I’m a cop, he wouldn’t get a bullet between his eyes, but they’d immediately guess his yearly income and decide he’s not worth a date.

“Hey!  Hey you– Pretty guy with his hair pulled back!”  A short man probably around his age with mousy brown hair and a trenchcoat way too long on him waves him down.

“Me?” Sapnap blinks.  Pretty guy?

“Yeah, you!  You’re a handsome dude.  You’re missing something, though.  No one’s gonna give you the time of day if you don’t have a nice watch–”

“Why would I… need the time of day if I have a watch..?”

The man laughs and Sapnap can’t help but feel glad that he did.  “Didn’t think about that, yeah!  Guess not.  Either way, you wanna buy a watch?”  He opens his coat, revealing an obscene amount of watches of varying condition carefully displayed on loops of cloth clearly sewn in for this exact purpose.

Sapnap gives him a look, almost disappointed.  Sapnap doesn’t break eye contact with him, doing his best to ignore how pretty his eyes are, and very slowly, he pulls out his badge.  The man stares at him, Sapnap stares back; he fucking books it down the street, coat rattling all the while.  Sapnap sprints after him.  The man turns sharply away from the street crowded with shops and people and toward one lined with townhouses.  Sapnap thinks the guy must not be very bright, he had a chance to lose him in the crowd and had forsaken it for what, basically showing Sapnap where he lived?  The guy all but smacks into the only other person on the street, stopping and talking very fast to whoever he had run into.

“–Karl, deep breath.  I have no fucking clue what you’re saying.  You really shouldn’t be over here, we’re too close to–”

“Cop behind me, cop is–” The watch thief, apparently Karl, waves back to him.

Oh, so the guy had run this way for protection.  From another guy just as short and small as him.

Sapnap can easily guess that means his friend is probably packing and Sapnap has no intention of getting shot over a guy selling fucking watches, so he slows down, approaching the pair at a jog.  “Look, I can just– I’m not gonna arrest you, but–” Sapnap doesn’t know what he was planning on doing.  The man– Karl had started running and Sapnap had followed.  He didn’t know how to just go never mind and walk away now.  “So how about I give you a fine instead and we call it even?”

The other man, a few inches shorter than Karl, steps in front of him, arms folded over his chest.  He’s dressed well, a suit and tie, save for a beanie that did not match the rest of the ensemble.  He looks unimpressed.  He is, regrettably, as handsome as the watch thief.  In fact, he looks vaguely familiar.

“A fine for what?”

“Uh, selling stuff without a permit?  Selling clearly stolen watches?  Running from an officer?”

“You have no basis claiming the watches were stolen, I seriously doubt you asked to see a permit, and you’re in street clothes.  I’d run too if a random guy was harassing me,” the man says shortly.

Sapnap realizes where he recognizes him.  Lawyer. Definitely a lawyer.  “I showed him my badge.”

“Oh, right, you reached into your pocket in a neighborhood with high crime rates and gun violence every other night and are upset the guy ran?  Please,” he scoffs.  “How about I let you go with a warning and don’t call your superiors.”

Sapnap is taken aback.  Let you go with a warning– that’s his line.  “You must be real fun to deal with in court.”

The man narrows his eyes, wary.  “Do I know you?”

“Don’t need to.  You lawyers have the energy of a small dog with too much bite.”

Rather than irritated, the man smirks, amused.  “Right, and you cops are the big dogs, right?  All bark and no bite.  Unless of course, the person is weaker than you and you know your fucking department will back you up like the entitled brats you are.”

Okay, that one stung a little.  “Okay, fine,” he looks to Karl.  “I’ll let you off with a warning.  Let you get this one home.  Lots of important lawyer things to do I’m sure.  Probably gets fussy if he doesn’t feel like he’s won every conversation.”

“Come on, Quackity,” Karl holds on tightly to his companion’s arm.  “Don’t bother.”

The shorter man, Quackity, lets Karl pull him away and Sapnap can’t help but think Karl just did him a favor more than Quackity.

Quackity.  He knows that name too– oh shit.  Sapnap walks a little faster to the opposite side of the street.  That guy was a lot worse than just a lawyer.  He defends mob bosses and wins.  Even if he’s not dangerous, his friends definitely are.  Not someone Sapnap plans on crossing any time soon.  Unless what he just did was enough to screw himself over.  Fuck.

Sapnap returns to the more commercial streets, lamps now turning on to give patchy pools of yellow light for the remaining citizens to scurry home.  This is where the real work starts.  Sapnap double checks to make sure his badge is out of sight in his pocket.  Out of the corner of his eye, he sees movement.  Sapnap looks up at the fire escape outside a mid tier hotel to see a scrawny kid climbing down.

“Hey, I don’t think you’re supposed to be up there,” Sapnap calls.  “Not unless there’s a fire.”

“Mind your own fucking business, then!” The kid shouts.

Sapnap sighs.  This is easier when he’s in uniform.  Well, easier if he weren’t in mob territory.  He pulls out his badge.  “Can you come over here, please?”  He’s just a kid, probably just screwing around because his parents were annoying him in some stupid hotel room.  Sapnap will get him down and take him inside.  Have the front desk find his parents.  Riveting stuff.

The kid stops his descent at the top of the last ladder.  “Uh, no can do, Copper, I’ve got places to be and don’t have time to deal with your shit.”  He starts to climb back up.

“Come on, man!” Sapnap says exasperatedly.

“Best of luck to you!  Actually, no.  Hope you eat shit and die!” The kid says cheerfully with a sarcastic salute, before he leaps to the roof of the next building.

“Dude!  Oh my god– That is like, so dangerous!” Sapnap runs next door.  The building is locked up tight.  “Just– Come down!  Where are your parents?!”

Sapnap had assumed the kid would’ve kept running, but instead a blond head pokes over the edge of the roof.  “Never ask someone that– who fucking raised you?”  The kid scoffs, offended.  “Have some fuckin’ tact next time!”  

Sapnap actually has to agree with that bit.  The kid definitely wouldn’t be on a roof if he had a loving, ordinary family waiting at home.  Sapnap’s sympathy dies with a shriek as a well aimed glob of spit lands on his shoulder.

“Hah!”  Then the kid is gone.

Sapnap had been hoping for an easy night.  He almost would’ve preferred a shoot out with the mob.

[out-there-so-it-isnt-just-me]

Hey guys...I have an idea if you aren't sad enough yet. I was struck by a painful comparison sort of crossover idea. It would never be canon, but  I'm mourning the end of Campaign Two, and I want to be sad and over-dramatic. Essek, but as Eliza from Hamilton in “Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story.” But, it’s for the entire Mighty Nien. Some of the lyrics are so on point for a poor Essek who will probably outlive all of his friends (Elves still generally live longer than Firbolgs by a good 200 years). Anyway, enjoy.

MN

Every other founding father's story gets told

It occurs to Essek, during one of the many periods without one of the Mighty Nein (the time that he dwells on them the most), how unfair their whole situation is. They saved all of Exandria, and no one knows. They are amazing, and odd, and frustrating, and no one knows. They will die loved deeply, but not widely. He knows they prefer it that way, all things considered. But, everyone else who saves all of Exandria becomes legends, while the people he loves best will be forgotten, remembered only by him.

And that. That sounds unbearable. 

So, in-between the times he sees the Mighty Nein, he begins to gather accounts. He writes down stories from those they helped, or simply left an impression on.  The people who have met the Mighty Nein have an air about them that he gets good at detecting. They attracted the oddballs and the outcasts. And if they're entirely normal (whatever that means), then they usually get a certain twitch if you ask for stories about interesting strangers. About half the time, a certain blue tiefling pops up in them. He almost has a heart attack when he hears  “go fuck yourself,” in Jester’s cheerful voice, when he knows Jester isn’t anywhere near there. He ends up getting the kenku’s story, and the voices of his friends are weaved into it. Essek thinks the Mighty Nein are the best people in the world, in their own rambunctious way. Part of him wants the world to love them as he does, or at least have the option to. Everyone should have a chance to get to know them, even if it's just through tales. The world would be a better place for it.

...And when you're gone, who remembers your name?

Who keeps your flame? 

Who tells your story?

Who tells your story?

Who tells your story?

Once there is only him and Caduceus left, this becomes a more prominent part of how he spends his time. After...after a long, long period of mourning. He has so much life left to live without most of the people who made it worth living.

I put myself back in the narrative

I stop wasting time on tears

I live another 50(0) years

He stops hiding his past and bears his sins and his story to the world. Essek tells his story so their story can be appreciated to the fullest; his part in their story emphasizes the depth of their compassion and chaos. He tells his story, but not as himself. Essek continues to drift from town to town under a vast number of aliases. Everywhere he goes, he spreads his stories of his friends, some serious, most silly. He disguises himself so he can stay alive to do a little more good, tell a few more stories, to truly live the life his friends wanted for him.

...I try to make sense of your thousands of pages of writings

You really do write like you're running out of time.

Eventually, he gets his hands on some of Beau’s journals, Jester’s diaries, and Caleb’s research. Well, he always had the research, but he gets to the point where he can share it with the world. He slowly begins to share and explain their thoughts and personalities with excerpts from those. Maybe he also has letters that he shares parts of (though most of those, those words specifically for him, he keeps to himself, for himself). He wonders if they'd be angry at him for spilling their private thoughts. But neither Beau nor Jester filtered their thoughts very much in the first place, and he keeps anything truly painful out of the public eye. Caleb, well, Caleb was always about sharing his knowledge and research, provided it wasn't dangerous. And they were all dead anyway.  One of the last things they told him was to be happy. And talking about his friends, learning more about his friends even after they were long dead, that made him the happiest he'd been in a while. So he hoped they wouldn’t begrudge him this small joy he’d managed to grasp and forgive him, should it be necessary.

I rely on Angelica

While she's alive, we tell your story

She is buried in Trinity Church near you

When I needed her most, she was right on time

Caduceus isn’t particularly interested in being well known or famous, but he never shies away from telling a story about any of his friends. Plus, he thinks it’s a good project for Essek. It's a way to continue to show his love for them and keep them alive in the only way they can be now. When Caduceus eventually passes away, he joins the eight other graves (Veth refused to be buried apart from Yeza) that lay in a tucked-away corner of the Blooming Grove. There is one space left, nestled between where Caleb and Jester lay, but it will be empty for a long time yet.

And I'm still not through

I ask myself, what would you do if you had more time...

...You could have done so much more if you only had time

And when my time is up, have I done enough?

Will they tell your story?

He keeps adding to his tale; he stretches it longer and longer with every shred he can remember. But, even his memory, as long as it is, runs out eventually. And their story finally ends, but he doesn't. He throws himself into activities that remind him of them. He does a lot of gardening ( mostly tea, poisonous plants, and flowers). He teaches children some rudimentary dunamancy in his spare time, for Caleb. He messes around with alchemy a little. Eventually, he publishes the last of the research that he and Caleb worked on together; ones that took him decades to solve by himself. He even finds himself drawing a surprising amount of dicks on random surfaces near the very end.

Oh, can I show you what I'm proudest of?

...I help to raise hundreds of children

I get to see them growing up

The time that doesn’t go towards his now worrying amount of hobbies, he spends doing what he has done since the beginning: caring for the Mighty Nien’s true legacy. He looks after and visits their children. He takes care of descendants of Luc, of Jester and Fjord, of the random teenager that Beau and Yasha seemed to adopt completely on accident, of TJ, of the Clays, and of a lovechild of Kingsley’s that found out who his father was and then somehow found Essek himself to learn about him. In an embarrassing show of sentimentality, Essek always keeps at least one offspring of Caleb's very first cat. There is a very funny story about Caleb thinking the animal was spayed when it was, in fact, not. He visits the different generations every couple of years or so (he has a schedule). The drow makes sure they know the stories of their ancestors, the adventures of the Mighty Nien; he tells them it's all real. He gives them ways to contact him if they’re in danger, or need any kind of help really ( he has funds to spare at this point). Every once in a while, a few of them will get it in their heads to write him yearly updates. It’s nice.

In their eyes, I see you, Alexander

I see you every time

And when my time is up

Have I done enough?

Will they tell your story?

It is strange and painful to see the attitude and mannerisms of the Nein in the descendants who have never met them. It is wonderful too. His stories of the Mighty Nein have become well-known tales that no one can decide how much is truth and how much is fiction (it’s true, it’s all somehow, hilariously true). He preserved them in his own way, in the right way (time travel is something he thinks of with a growing hunger the more years pass between when he last laid eyes on his friends). But in these men, these women, these children, they are truly alive.

One little half-orc girl has Jester’s mischievous eyes and infectious joy. Another halfling man squints just like Veth when she's trying to figure out if someone is bullshitting her. There’s a boy who charmingly bumbles his way through most social encounters, as Fjord did. A firbolg woman who has Caduceus gentle smile. A tiefling girl with all the audacious bravado of Kingsley. A man with eyes just as piercing as Beau’s, and a tongue just as sharp. Even Yasha’s kind and gentle demeanor somehow shines through in one small boy, despite her having no direct descendants. He gets to see these flashes of his friends in those who survive them, and it thrills him as much as it cuts him. (Sometimes, when the current cat has ruined some item of his, the pleased look it wears resembles the quiet glee Caleb exuded after he pulled a successful prank, but he’s pretty sure that’s just fanciful thinking.)

One of the last things Essek does before he dies is fully publish, in print, the entire tale of the Mighty Nein. How they came together, every person they helped along the way. The love, the loss, the kindness, the chaos, every moment he could recall or record was put into this one account (necessarily stretched out into several separate books). There is only one set, and he hands it over to the Library of the Cobalt Soul in Rexxentrum. Then he goes on his lonely way.

Oh, I can't wait to see you again

It's only a matter of time

There are now ten graves, each one as unique as its owner, nestled in a small corner of the Blooming Grove. One grave has the dirt still fresh around it. And somewhere, beyond the Divine Gate, there are cheers and laughs and cries of joy as the Mighty Nien become the Mighty Nine once more.

fin.

MN

It’s my head-canon that by the time Essek dies he’s practically a mythical figure among the select families he looks after. It's  to the point that in certain locations ( that have a lot of Nein remnants) he becomes a local legend, the guardian angel of nien (no spelling specified and with no real distinction of what that means), with skin like the night sky who drifts (literally) through towns and helps those who meet a certain requirement, unknown to the general populus. There are rumors that certain people have bestowed upon them a token they could use to call upon the angel’s aid. Of course, the people who have the tokens (sending stones or something similar. IDK how he would get that many wondrous items, but I focus on satisfying narrative not, like, plausibility) know Essek and know that he has died and that the tokens no longer work, but for a while they keep them as heirlooms, to show the love of one drow wizard for the friends he had long, long ago. Eventually, one of Veth’s descendants sells off their set because sending stones are worth A LOT, and the money seemed more practical. They have their stories; those are enough. 

And before anyone complains about the Kingsley bit, I felt compelled to add a smidgen of Kingsley content because Essek loves Jester and Jester’s with Fjord and Kingsley is with both of them for years. I’m sure they get to know each other well enough that seeing traits of Kingsley is vaguely nostalgic and warming, even if it lacks the depth and love he feels for everyone else. Also, there’s no convincing me that Molly/Kingsley doesn’t have at least one illegitimate child running around from various trysts, he was basically the Scanlan of this campaign. It goes with the hedonistic vibe he gives off.

Also, is it normal that I completely designed the Nein’s burial site in my head because I did? Like I imagine they’re all spaced out in a circle. It’s almost like a stone gazebo but there’s not really a roof; it’s just a group of nine pillars that support a stone circle. The entrance is the Traveler’s door with dicks around the edge, and each of the nine pillars/supports is designed to look the knowing mistresses staff. The stone circle is covered in carvings of storm clouds and lightning. Wires are strung across the center of the stone circle to form the symbol of the Cobalt Soul. Not that you can see the wires, because vines have been grown all around them. Once you step through the Traveler’s gate, you’ll find yourself on some kind of rough mosaic floor, with depictions of a peacock, a pyramid, a snake, a sun, a moon, and (oddly) a pirate ship. The mosaic is made up of buttons of various materials and shapes. In the center is a saltwater pool/spring (depending on how magical we can get idk) and floating above it is an eternal flame encased in some sort of dunamancy magic that doesn’t  actually exist that keeps it floating and eternal. Look I'm running out of ideas.

I can’t imagine what everyone’s grave marker would be, but I’m pretty sure Yasha’s is a simple stone that says "YASHA NYDOORIN: wife of Zuella and Beauregard Lionette," and the place where’s she’s buried is just covered in wildflowers that spread outside of the gazebo to encircle the structure entirely up to the gate. Also, everyone has a stone tarot card by their grave with the picture and designation that Molly gave them. Beyond that grows a weirdly dense thicket of trees and bushes that make finding the Nein's resting place rather hard. It’s said only the descendants of the Nein’s family or those favored by the Wildmother (or Traveler, Or Ioun, or Storm Lord) can find their way to them. And one tree, directly behind Yasha, is dead, struck by lightning who knows how long ago. 

And they’re buried in this order: Yeza/Veth, Caleb, Essek, Jester, Ford, Kingsley, Yasha, Beau, Cad. I know there’s a good chance that a) Kingsley would just eff off and die somewhere unknown and b) Cad would probably want to be buried with the rest of his family, but shhh let me dream.

[lesbianraskolnikov]

i cant wait 2 see magenta animated

[voidcat]

— take me home

Characters: Dazai Osamu/gn!reader (+agency members)

Genre & wc: fluff — 1.9k

a/n: happy Valentine’s Day!!! Normally I was gonna make this one big thing but my writing style for all this so far and “the second part” don’t carry the same vibe. (Also it was getting v long) Anyways, enjoy. I still suck at naming fics. — part 2 !!

“You could feel the bomb going off and suddenly-“ Doctor Yosano stops looking at the clock, “Oh it’s been that long already? I shouldn’t keep you waiting for any longer” she motions with her hand to you with a smile.

“It’s alright, I enjoy hearing your stories.” You smile back. “If it’s alright with you and no new cases show up, would you like the finish the story tomorrow at my place? Maybe over a cup of tea or a glass of wine?”

The glint in her eyes tell you the answer long before. “Only if the infamous pastries Ranpo cannot get enough of are there!” Yosano says with enthusiasm and all you can do is nod and share the excitement.

As she proceeds to get her coat and bag, you decide to wait until you hear someone else speak up.

“I thought you didn’t like to have people over?” Atsushi asks standing behind you with a stack of papers and files.

Eyes closed, you hum “True, true… But I make an exception for some, dear. Where did you think we baked all those for Kyouka?”

Stopping for a second to recall that day Atsushi scratches his head. The moment of realization comes to him fast, apparent from the sudden change of expression and the wide smile on his face “Oh! You’re-“

“I thought you didn’t allow anyone in the kitchen!” Ranpo exclaims rather loudly, slamming the newspaper he was reading moments ago onto his table.

Tilting back and forth from where you’re standing and occasionally looking for Yosano to come back, you turn to where his voice came from. “That rule only applies to you, I’m afraid. No matter what an amazing detective you are, cooking and baking simply aren’t your forte.” With one hand in the air as if offering the plainest of truths, you say.

“However you’re still my most trusted taster, so please don’t make that face?” You finish with an apologetic smile and hearing a low rumble coming from him, you let out a breath thinking you’re off the hook.

You thought wrong.

As Yosano’s heels clank against the surface, you can feel a persistent gaze on your back, already sensing what’s to come next. Before you can make an attempt to the door however, Dazai announces your name, in a whine no less, coming a little too closer than you expected right behind your ear.

Slowly turning back to see his smug face, right in your personal space just as you guessed, you refrain from rolling your eyes. “What was it Dazai? Is something the matter?”

Coming all the way from wherever he was previously , he couldn’t be here now for anything other than to bother you. You just hoped Yosano would show up and drag you away before your patience was tested again.

Raising his arm and resting the back of his hand against his forehead, eyes closed and mouth open, as if a he were a character straight out of a tragedia, Dazai opts for the dramatic route. “Yes! I’ve just been informed of horrifying news!”

“Which is?..” you leave the statement unfinished, already knowing what’s to come.

“That you never invited me over to your house! And we’ve been friends for the longest time! What our live have come to, have we driven so far away from ea-“

“Enough with the antics Dazai, we’re busy, can’t you see?” Your savior, Yosano cuts in putting a hand over your shoulder. Turning to look at her, you mouth a ‘thank you.’, and you think she has never looked as beautiful as she does in this moment now, with the golden sun behind her setting, the lights illuminating her face, making her look like those heroes painted to be immortalized.

As you step out, you hear Yosano stop and say: “And for the record, I’ve known them the longest.”

The day spent with Yosano goes better than you could accept. By the end your face hurts from laughing, your stomach full from all the food and drinks you’ve consumed, times flies away like a plane and by the time Yosano makes way to the door, it’s dark and you’re both dragging your feet.

Despite the enjoyable day off, Dazai’s recent behavior starts to make you question if it was worth inviting her over so publicly.

At any chance he gets, he tries to get you to give away something about your location, who has been over before and how many times, what type of hosts you prefer and ‘oh maybe we never got the chance because of our schedules, you should invite me over some time’, ‘don’t be so shy, we’re friends after all! Oh is it your place you’re ashamed of? Worry not, I won’t judge!’, ‘hey are you free on a Thursday night?’s met with ‘No, I don’t want you over.’, ‘Yes, I have a very good reasoning.’ And almost a slip up of a ‘I’m free- Oh wait, I have a date with Sergio, sorry no can do!’.

For each cheeky smile he offers, you give back a grunt or a snarl, one time almost yelling right in front of the director and another time you stomp out of the office in fury while Atsushi watches in horror.

Fifth time of your hiding in the café and you find yourself wishing for a crisis to surface, the carefree Dazai to be replaced by the serious and logical man that manages to impress you no matter how hard the case, counter measure after counter measure, even if he takes reckless risks once in a while.

Inhaling the sweet smell of your tea before taking a sip, your wish seems to have come true partially, from the set of steps approaching you in a determined yet unrushed pace.

Taking a long sip, savoring the taste and the warmth of it, you slowly place the cup down and open your eyes to see Dazai standing in his neutral and calm state.

The two of you stay like that for a while, like a photograph, the café empty and the mixed smells of coffee and tea lingering in the air, not quite looking at one another but not dozed off either.

When he opens his mouth, it doesn’t feel like the moment has been broken, not even a clearing of throat or a quite mumbling under his breath beforehand, yet his voice flows along the smells despite the absurdity of the topic of conversation.

But you beat him to it. “If you’re going to be standing for so long, you might as well sit down.”

He settles down as you reach for your cup again.

“So, how are things with Sergio?” He says the name with a hint of hostility.

It takes everything in you not to spit out your tea laughing. “Sergio is a street cat I take care of.”

Composure and crossed arms off, Dazai’s eyes widen. “But- you said that-“ “A date with Sergio, yes, for his yearly check up at the vet.” You finish for him.

“That was just an excuse to get you to stop bothering me.” You add.

“Fair enough, I deserved that.” He chuckles “but you did mention you had a very good reasoning for not inviting me over. I know I pestered you enough about that…” he trails off, reaching for your hand with his. “And yet, would you be so kind to tell me why?” he asks, eyes locked into yours.

“My cat doesn’t like you.”

And this, you think, is the exact moment the atmosphere is ruined, the photograph ripped apart in the middle.

Dazai just stares at you, still holding your hand.

Blinking few times, rather unimpressed, you notice a waitress by the counter, probably there to rearrange something.

“Alright, I’ll be off now if that’s all!” You say a bit too cheerfully, pull your hand before Dazai can do anything, pay and leave as soon as you can.

Dazai just blinks, hands still in the air, stays frozen like that until Kunikida drags him back to work.

Bad decision after bad decision seems to follow you wherever you go because after that interaction at the café, it gets worse.

You thought Dazai was like a fruit fly before? It gets more irritating than an army of them. And on top of that, Kunikida scolds you to undo whatever you’ve done on Dazai, his already poor work ethics now on the floor, getting on Kunikida’s nerves and yours.

Hearing your name spreads terror in you now, the second your ears catch the familiar tone of Dazai’s voice, you fleet for your life.

Coming clean and explaining your statement from earlier would be the logical way to end this but fate disagrees as it laughs you in the face.

“Why wouldn’t your cat like me? I didn’t even step foot into your place before!”

“Hey Dazai, remember the day you wouldn’t get off my back? Trying to embrace at any chance and I gave up in the middle of the day at one point?” Resting his hand under his chin to think, as if his face doesn’t make it obvious he remembers the day crystal clear, he lets out a “hmm…”

With a snap of fingers and a “Ah! I remember now! You were so comfortable, I almost fell asleep.” He grins.

With a shake of your hand, trying to dismiss the memory of how he basically trapped you to the couch, you cough and continue. “That evening, when I got home, my clothes must have reeked of your smell.” He nods, good, so far he seems to follow. “My cat just sniffed the air once and stayed in the living room until I washed those clothes and took a bath.”

Hands resting on his hips, he keeps nodding and humming in understanding. “I see…”

You let out a breath, thank god it’s over.

“Nope! Still makes no sense.” Hs exclaims suddenly, turns away and leaves. You just stare at his back, now it’s your turn to blink in ‘unbelievable, is this real?’

The loud chatter and pestering doesn’t stop however and with each word, it gets more ridiculous.

“Is your cat perhaps jealous of me? That you secretly love me and they don’t want competition?”

“The cat is just another excuse, isn’t it! Admit it, you have a secret! It must be something you’re afraid I won’t like.”

“Is it Chuuya? Did you take pity and let him rent a room?”

“I don’t even know a Chuuya…”

“Maybe a weird collection…” he gasps and says your name. “Are you a hoarder? Is that why you won’t let me in? I told you already, I would never judge your lifestyle!”

“Dazai, please stop-“

“No, no, I got it this time. It’s a shrine of me! Isn’t it? Your face tells it all, it is a shrine! Ah, I must say I’m flattered, if not a little scared now.”

If anger could set a fire, you think Kunikida would be arrested of arson right now. You just rest your head in your palm, trying to ignore Dazai’s ongoing nonsense.

“Is there really a-“ Kenji begins a question as Ranpo ends it with a firm “Nope!”

Getting up from your place at last, you grab Dazai by his coat and drag him out.

“There is No shrine, no other human, no hoarding or weird collections. It’s just me and my cat who scrunches his nose when I bring home a file that sat in your desk all day!”

Before giving him a chance to reply, you walk away.

The next day, and many other days to follow, goes uneventful, Dazai’s never ending bickering about your house seems to have reached a stop. Everyone, especially Kunikida, enjoys the newly achieved peace of going back to normal. You hope this marks the end of this whole nonsense, and that the Dazai everyone knows with a little mix of annoying and impressively serious has returned back to his sense of regular.

Tags: @atsumusdomain @celosiiaa @ywanfen

[willow-salix]

How about I throw out a new chapter?

That'll be nice for a Saturday, right?

Meh, have one anyway.

Here's a snippet:

Selene grabbed a slice of pizza from the box on the table and dropped down onto the couch next to Gordon, uncaring as to the fact that he was barely dressed. When you watched him dive in and out of the pool in his Olympic issue swimming speedos just because he felt like it, you were pretty much desistized to anything.

She took a bite and made a face, it wasn’t the best pizza she’d ever had, not that that would stop her, she started to chew. Tonight was definitely the time for comfort food and pizza, even when bad, is still pretty good.

“Why are you in my flat?” she asked around a mouthful. She chewed some more and swallowed quickly when she saw the look on his face. “Not that I mind you letting yourself in, you know you’re always welcome. But I thought you were with Penny for the whole weekend.”

Gordon shrugged casually, but his eyes flickered towards the discarded pile of clothes on the floor beside the couch. It looked like one of his new suits and really shouldn’t have been treated in such a way. The jacket was scrumpled in a ball and the pants left where they had fallen, the shirt lay tossed over the arm of the couch and the shoes had been kicked off haphazardly, one lying under the table while the other had flown clear across the room to land by the dresser.

“Didn’t feel like it once I got there, I left Penny to her networking and caught a cab back here as I wouldn't have been able to get into the manor.”

Selene scowled, that wasn't like him, he was one of the more social Tracys and, since he was still relatively young, he usually jumped at the chance to spend time off island if he could. A party or a dinner was usually greeted with great enthusiasm. She decided to ignore that for now, he'd tell her in his own time. Years ago she would have pushed him more, but now they all knew her well enough to know that she was there to listen whenever they needed her and would seek her out if they wanted to.

"How was the conference?" she asked instead, swiping his bottle of beer, one of John's he had obviously liberated from the fridge, and taking a sip. "You must have been so excited to be asked to speak."

Again he shrugged. "It was OK, I'm pretty sure they only asked me out of courtesy for Penny and because it looked good to have someone from International Rescue on the schedule. It was pretty boring really."

"Why did you say yes then? It's not like you don't have a good excuse to get out of anything you don't fancy."

"Penny said it would be good for me to start making a name for myself, she's right, I'm not getting any younger-"

Selene snorted at this, Gordon was only 26, he had his whole life ahead of him. Although, if anyone knew that your life could be changed or even snuffed out at any moment, it was Gordon, so she kept quiet.

"She said that I should start thinking about my long term plans. We can't be doing International Rescue full time forever and, while we do have enough money to never have to work, you know we'd all get bored. Everyone else seems to have a backup already, John does his remote lectures and writes his books, and you know that he's always being called on to consult or collaborate with someone for something or another. Virgil has that fancy engineering degree of his, he's always tinkering around with Brains and the things they invent together could keep them busy for years to come. Alan is all fresh and new, he's already making a name for himself online with his team ups with Brandon, and Scott could walk into a job with the air Force or the GDF without even pausing to ask, then there's me, no college education, no specialist subjects-"

"Bullshit," Selene cut in. "A college education isn't for everyone, just because you don't have a piece of paper doesn't mean you aren't smart or an expert in your field. Someone once told me that, because I didn't have that kind of higher education I wasn't as smart as them, that I wasn't capable of making decisions because I didn't have the same knowledge they did. But knowledge is subjective, babe."

Gordon snorted at that, he knew what it was like too, he knew how people would judge him as the dumb brother because he'd chosen a different path than the more academic one the others had taken.

"It's true," she insisted. "Look at John, as much as I adore that man, he's proof that all the book smarts in the world can't always compare to common sense or life experience. You can know all about astrophysics but if you don't know how to interact with people or how to survive in the world then you're fucked either way. You are amazing, you know science and biology and genetics or you wouldn't have made those beautiful fish or done so much for marine conservation and, no matter who you're dating, the Friends of the Ocean yearly conference would not have let you speak if you didn't know your shit."

"I know," he sighed, "but it doesn't always feel that way, you know?"

"Oh, believe me I know," she rolled her eyes and reached for another slice of pizza.

"I guess it's just hard to be surrounded by such high achieving brothers. I look at Penny and I think what is she doing with me? She would be much better suited to someone like Scott, or John, you know."

"I'm pretty sure that Cat and I would have something to say about that. Besides, look at me and John, it's not like anyone would put us two together. On paper we shouldn't work at all, we're far too different. Yet we do. You can't help who you fall in love with."

Gordon's eyes slid sideways to watch her, the tone in her voice telling him that she wasn't just talking about his brother at that moment. There was something there that spoke of past experiences that didn't hold good memories for her.

He frowned, a thought occurring to him, one that he just had to voice.

"Sel, why are you here? You don't have any clients booked, I know because you said that was why Scott had to drop me off, because you weren't heading back for at least a week."

Selene kept quiet, her eyes on her pizza slice. This wasn't like her, she usually needed to be prised off his brother and dragged away kicking and screaming. She liked to spend the majority of her time on the island with them even if John wasn't home.

"Did something happen?" Gordon's voice was quiet, comforting, not pushing her to speak but inviting her to confide in him if she wanted to.

"I just needed some space, some time alone," she finally admitted, still not looking at him as she fiddled with the crust of her pizza.

"Oh, do you need me to go? Sorry, I know I should have asked but I didn't know where else to go and I couldn't really face the questions back home." Trust him to burst in and make himself a nuisance when he wasn't welcome, it seemed to be the story of his life.

"No, you're fine," she assured him, patting his bare knee. "I get it. I don't need space from you, just your idiot brothers."

"Which ones, I have a lot," he grinned, relaxing a little now that they were back on more familiar territory.

"John and Scott."

His eyebrows rose at this. Scott he could understand, but she never needed time away from John, in fact she was always complaining that she didn't get enough.

"I walked out on my husband," she whispered, the slice of pizza hanging limply from her fingers. "He was upset and so was I but I left him, I walked out."

Gordon could not have been more shocked if she had suddenly grown a fishtail and whacked him in the crotch with it.

"Tell me what happened," he said, it wasn't a question, it was a silent demand, showing him to have the same authority that his father had, just in a more laid back package.

She didn't want to talk, she didn't want to drag it all up again now that she had finally calmed down from her breakdown at ten thousand feet. She didn't want to start thinking about it all again, but Gordon was there, all endearing face and big brown eyes that implored her to talk to him, to trust him. Maybe he wouldn't judge her too harshly, maybe he would understand. She risked a glance his way, seeing the firm set to his jaw, letting her know on no uncertain terms that he was not prepared to let this go.

"John punched my ex-fiance in the face and broke his nose," she answered, knowing she had no other choice.

OK, if he had thought her last statement was shocking this little revelation shot it into orbit.

"He…what? John? My brother John?"

"Yep, with the other dumbass tagging along for good measure apparently."

"OK, OK, give me a second to get my head around this, I need to process. My brother, the one that is usually so against violence of any kind, straight up punched your ex?"

Selene nodded.

"Come on, surely you aren't pissed off at him for that? He must have had a good reason for it!"

"Well, Nathaniel isn't a good guy at the best of times..."

"Nathaniel? I don't know about him."

Selene frowned, glancing his way again. Was he being honest with her right now, did he really not know? Surely if Penny knew then she would have told Gordon too?

“Penny didn’t tell you?” she asked, needing to clarify.

“One thing to remember about Penny is that she's very good at keeping secrets and knows how to keep things close to her chest. She only ever tells what she thinks you need to know,” he chuckled lightly but to Selene's ears it lacked his usual humour, sounding a little flat. “So, spill, I’m all ears. You know that a problem shared is, well maybe not a problem halved but at least you won’t be suffering on your own.”

Selene smiled softly, he really was the best boy. She'd admit that if she had to pick someone to open up to and talk to about her problems, Gordon probably wouldn’t be at the top of her list, but in times like these he reminded her of just how awesome he really was. It was easy to forget that he could be serious, it often got lost in the bad jokes and his general enthusiasm for life, but that didn't mean that he wasn't as dependable as the others.

"It's a long story."

"I've got time," he gestured down to his almost naked self and the half eaten pizza. "Not like I'm going anywhere."

Selene paused, did she really want to dredge it all up again? The answer was no, but, whatever Nathaniel did as retaliation, and there was no question that he would, was bound to spill over into all their lives. They would all find out sooner or later, hell, it seemed like half of them knew already, it would be better for it to come from her in her own words.

"We're gonna need more beer,” she sighed, tossing the half eaten pizza slice back in the box.

Read the rest here on Ao3 ➡

[aspiringauthorintraining]

Second to None (3/?)

*(A/N): i think the last time I updated this story was back when quarantine was first starting, oof.

Part 1 here!

_____

A week passed, and (Y/N) still hadn’t spoken to James.

Then one day, a bouquet of sunflowers greeted her in the morning, when she opened the door to her office. There was no note attached, but (Y/N) knew exactly who the flowers were from. 

Rolling her eyes, she was tempted to incendio the flowers, if it weren’t for the fact that they were her favorite; sunflowers. 

“That prick,” she muttered under her breath, clearly annoyed at the fact he knew she wouldn’t be able to throw the flowers away. It was just another reason, among many, to be mad at James Potter.

But she had meant what she said on the day of their fight. And so she didn’t send him an owl, or drop by his flat later that day after work. And just because she didn’t have the heart to throw them in the trash didn’t mean she couldn’t give them away- so she offered the sunflowers to her secretary, who had fawned over them when she come in to let her know the day’s schedule.

Two days passed, and another bouquet of sunflowers appeared on her desk. (Y/N) gave them to Martha, the kind waitress at the diner where she had recently become a regular at. 

Another two days passed before another appeared on her desk, this time with a note attached.

“Here’s hoping third time’s the charm?” 

She didn’t feel bad about incendio-ing the note immediately after reading it, and offered the flowers to a woman in another department, whose birthday it happened to be that day. Then she instructed clearly to her secretary to deny anymore deliveries of flowers into her office, to the woman’s confusion.

She was able to finally let out a sigh of relief when she was met with a flowerless room two days later. But she quickly regretted that relief when she saw the flower sender, himself, waiting in the lobby of the MACUSA building as she was leaving for the day; the same flowers she had been receiving for the past week in his hand this time. And so quickly, before he caught sight of her, she apparated straight to her flat.

Early the next morning, instead of flowers (Y/N) received another letter from Sirius. It seemed urgent based on how disheveled Minnie was when she flew into her office. And after giving the owl some food and water and opening the letter, her heart immediately dropped at the news.

“Fleamont and Euphemia went for yearly check up and doctors found early signs of dragon pox. Currently at St. Mungo’s hospital. James planning to travel back through portkey. Come if you can.”

                                    -Sirius

___________

“(Y/N)? What are you doing here?”

James looked at her with wide eyes as she set down her suitcase on the grassy ground.

She gave him a soft smile, before answering, “I didn’t want you to travel alone.”

“Even if you despise me?” he asked, cautiously. 

With (Y/N) avoiding him up til now, he wasn’t sure where their current friendship stood currently.

She paused for a second, before sighing. “I don’t despise you, James. I was just…very disappointed with you.”

She looked down, feeling him gently grasp her hands with some hesitance.

“Does that mean I haven’t lost you yet, then?” he continued facing down, and she soon realized he was crying.

“James, you could never lose me.” she replied softly.

“Padfoot told me the doctors say even though they caught it early there’s still a high risk due to their age.” he continued. “I should’ve been there. Maybe I could have caught it and taken them to the hospital sooner.”

(Y/N) pulled him to her, enveloping him in a warm embrace; rubbing his back gently, trying to soothe his cries. She took a deep breath before speaking, attempting to not have her voice sound so shaky from her own tears.

“James, it’s not your fault. The doctors hadn’t even known until they ran some more tests.”

The murky skies filled with rain clouds added to the gloominess of the situation. 

“We’re going to stay positive okay? I called some of my friends at St. Mungo’s research and they told me about a new treatment they had been working on that’s effective in older patients with dragon pox. They’re just waiting on the final approval this week that it’s safe for hospital use, and so we can try to see if your parents can be the first ones to get it.”

James tightened his arms around her, breathing out a sigh of relief between his sniffles. After calming down a bit and with his wavering voice, he was able to choke out a quiet ‘thank you’. 

The two of them remained in the position for a while, holding each other tightly- until the time came for the portkey to be activated and James was forced to release her from his arms. So instead, he held tightly onto one of her hands as if he needed the constant reminder that she was beside him.

When they had arrived at St. Mungo’s and neared his parents’ room, (Y/N) realized that he hadn’t ever let go once.

____

*(A/N): I was rereading some of my older unfinished stories and suddenly got inspiration to write more for this one lol

[bluecatstory]

The fortunate one - Chapter 2

The continuation & end to this. Thank you for reading! 

Boy met a tea kettle genie. Unfortunately, this wish-granting genie did not get to grant a single wish. This is an AU 100% based on Neil Gaiman’s The October Tale. Also, the main pairing here is GoYuu (Gojo Satoru/Itadori Yuuji), so please click back if you don’t like it. 

---

It was a lovely day for a stroll through the town. The weather was cool but fair, and green leaves flurried on the trees as the gentle breeze blew by.  

People were out and about, scurrying with their life. But if you pay attention to the crowd, you would see a strange pair. A pink-haired boy was walking together with a tall, lanky man. The handsome man was still young, maybe in his 20s, but his hair was white from the roots. His outfit even made it stick out more, all black with sunglasses. 

They were having a somewhat lively conversation. 

“So tell me more about yourself, Yuuji. I want to get to know you more.” 

“What do you want to know?”

“Your likes, dislikes, dreams, family, just anything!” Gojo grinned playfully. His current master of the tea kettle, by far, was the most intriguing. He wanted to know what kind of person was Yuuji Itadori, who claimed to be perfectly content with his life. 

And Yuuji, like the honest boy he was, told Gojo of his family: his parents passed away in a car accident when he was just a toddler, how his gramps raised him by himself, and he also passed away recently, having left him the house. Yuuji told him about his job: how he was a kindergarten teacher who had gained his reputation among the school for cat drawings. He told him he also taught basic drawing at the local community once a week. 

“Ah, but have you ever wished to be more than that? With your physique, you would make a great athlete. Or model! I mean, look at those legs.”

Red crept up his face. Yuuji smiled sheepishly. 

“Thanks… I guess. But you know, I admit there were tough times. Imagine one accidentally smuggled candies in the class, and the whole 20 would go bonkers. And the parents would just scream at you for everything. But I’m making a difference in the kids’ life. Witnessing them discovering things and eagerly telling you about them. It’s rewarding, and I feel happy every day going to work. “

Yuuji’s smile was so beaming that Gojo felt blinded by it. Ok, so scratch work. He might need to dig into other areas. 

“Now it’s your turn, Mr. Cryptic genie. Tell me more about yourself.” 

“Hmm, you only need to know that I’m the strongest genie that can make your wish come true. Hey, we’re here! Can we buy some cheesecake? I’ll carry the groceries for you.” Gojo pointed to the cakes on the shelves and dashed away, leaving Yuuji standing confused at the door. 

Yuuji snickered at the childlike man. 

--- 

“How about friends? Lovers? You have one?”

“Sometimes, I feel like I’m talking to a police officer who’s doing a yearly census, not a 1000-year-old genie with a desperate need to please people.” Yuuji sighed as he unpacked his grocers in the fridge. 

“Excuse me, I’m only 966. And I ask because it’s my job. Kids these days…” The genie wiped the invisible tears from his eyes. 

“Ok, ok. Don’t cry.” Yuuji lightly patted his head. Being with the genie for a while, he realized Gojo had a dramatic side to him that sought attention. 

He told Gojo that no, he was not dating anyone now. His best friends were Megumi and Nobara. That they had stood with him since high school, through good and bad times. That Megumi was a grumpy yet caring dog whisperer with 2 adorable, fluffy, smart dogs. That Nobara was a strong-willed woman working her way through the modeling world. And they always made time to catch up on the weekend despite a hectic schedule. 

“Hmm, I see.” Gojo said thoughtfully. There were really no holes in Yuuji’s life to be fulfilled by wishes. Except one. 

“You know, I can see that your life is good. But you are missing someone to share that life with you. Wish, and you’ll get the perfect woman. Or man.“

“No need. I’m good.”

“Are you?” 

“Yes. I’ve got everything I need.” Yuuji patted the genie’s head lightly as an assurance. 

“So what do I do now?” 

Yuuji thought for a moment. Then he pointed to the garden. 

“Can you help me tend the plants?”

“Sure! Is it your wish?” Gojo said excitedly. 

“Nah. Something you can help while I make dinner.”

So Gojo tended the plants. Then, after dinner, he helped Yuuji wash the dishes. The list of things Gojo helped Yuuji gradually grew. He ran errands for him, picking up sweets and office supplies for the school. He helped Yuuji planned surprises for his class, joining his local art class as an assistant. And sometimes, when Yuuji was tired, he gave him an excellent massage with his big, strong hands. 

It was not that Yuuji wanted help. But he let Gojo help. 

As time passed, Gojo moved out of the spare bedroom and ended up in Yuuji’s bed. 

---

They were lying on the bed, hands holding each other. Gojo silently watched Yuuji as the sunlight crept on his youthful face, aligning his parted lips. As Gojo was gently brushing a strain of hair away, his lover opened his eyes, and he smiled at him. 

“Mhh…morning.”

“Morning to you, too.” The genie smiled back, lovingly. 

Yuuji stared at him just as he was in a trance. 

“Your eyes… so pretty.” His bright smile struck Gojo, time and time again. Yes, this was the sight he wanted to see every day. His beloved Yuuji wrapped up in his arms, smiling and looking at him and him only. 

“Is this why you always wear blindfolds or sunglasses?”

“Well, a genie would say that because his magical eyes can see everything, so covering them up is a way for him to not know too much. But I would say that those baby blues are only reserved for you.” 

The pink-haired boy’s laugh got muffled by Gojo’s sudden kiss. 

“Hey, I’m wondering… What if it was you who were granted 3 wishes? What would you wish for?” 

Gojo thought for a moment.

“Nah, I’m good.” He told Yuuji. “I’ve got everything I need.” 

---

Gojo was perplexed when he met Yuuji. The boy was weird in every aspect, genetically pink haired with tiger markings, refusing his granted 3 wishes, and insisting his life was enough. For almost 1000 years as a genie, he knew people would always want something. 

Gojo was not a benevolent being. As he appeared before the boy, the genie thought he would just grant him 3 wishes and take his life in return, just like his predecessors. Those greedy, low-life scums would just scream and beg him to spare them. But what was done was done. Oh, how he reveled in their blood and shrieking soul. That was why he got sealed in the fucking tea kettle. Killing too much, the gods said. 

The genie chuckled. 

But Yuuji, his beloved, his eternal sunshine, was different from them. From wanting to know more about him, he started to fall for the boy. His fluffy hair that never seemed to be tamed, his bright, bright smile that made Gojo’s chest hurt, his well-built body that he could not stop planting more kisses on every inch of it, and how he did everything with much passion. 

Gojo loved everything about Yuuji. And now, with him in his arms, he would not let him go. No matter what.

End.