#maybe i wouldnt have been struggling for weeks/months | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sonicreferencephotos · 9 months ago

Note

I ALSO dont rlly like sss but u asking ppl not to play it is so funny T.T just bc its rlly not that fun? like i wouldnt exactly recommend it, but ur point of the devs not having much time to finish things is pure speculation. they have to develop things weeks/months in advance. theyre just shitty devs.

It's not just speculation. I have not personally worked for Gamefam, but me saying that the devs are getting crunched was based largely on the fact that Sonic Speed Simulator makes a point of advertising their weekly updates

Obviously, they don't make an entire update worth of content in a single week, but they still have to move things along pretty quickly in order to have something ready to release every week.

Also important to note is that ex-Gamefam employees have made many allegations against the company, stating that there was a terrible crunch to push out content, that they were underpaid, that Gamefam threatened to take action against employees who discussed their wages — which is illegal by the way —and that they were terminated with little to no warning, including many who were allegedly laid off before the holidays. Details are below the cut.

An article from The Gamer included statements made by former employees. One employee claimed to have received an email informing them they had been fired three days after the date the email said they were fired on

"According to a screenshot of the apparent termination email, they were told on October 31 that they were fired on October 28"

Another specifically mentioned the crunch

"'While I was employed under Gamefam it was a constant struggle due to heavy crunching in the development team,' they continue. 'We were mandated to update Sonic Speed Simulator every week. this was a heavy toll on my mental and physical self [sic].'"

Additionally

"Multiplesources [sic] put the lowest average Roblox salaries between $32,000 and $35,000"

Gamefam denied the allegations, which then led to more former employees speaking out about the poor work environment.

One employee, Joshua DeBoer, reported facing trouble after discussing wages with other employees. From a Games Industry article

"DeBoer claims that as he presented the salary concerns to CEO Joe Ferencz, the executive said, 'Do you think it's good to go among your colleagues and spread dissatisfaction? You need to be seen as a leader if you want to stay here long.'"

Bloxy News further elaborated

"DeBoer was then suspended for a week [...] According to a Tweet put out by DeBoer, Gamefam forced him to reveal by name who he was discussing wages with, and also threatened to fire him if he continued to do so. Gamefam also failed to pay DeBoer’s final paycheck with the company on time, and refused to let him exercise stock options after repeated attempts."

DeBoer took this to the National Labor Relations Board, resulting in Gamefam settling by giving him a $5,000 bonus, and sending a notice to all employees, shared by Polygon

“WE WILL NOT tell you that it is toxic or poisonous to the company if you talk to coworkers about pay,”

Maybe it's just me, but that feels like a very passive aggressive way to phrase that.

It's possible that the devs aren't very good, but even if that's the case, there's a lot indicating a toxic work environment built around crunch culture. It's true that my previous post about SSS included some of my speculations about why exactly the game has the issues it has, such as positing that many elements of the game are poorly set up in order to encourage microtransactions, but the idea of the devs being rushed is not purely based on my own assumptions.

I will admit to being a biased party, due to disliking the game but playing multiple hours a week to get reference pictures of the week's content before it's gone, but I have tried to keep this post mostly limited to known facts, or statements by people who have actually worked on Speed Sim.

People are welcome to play the game if they so desire. The main reason I add disclaimers is because, while it's ultimately their decision what games they play, I don't want to be the one encouraging people to play it.

Hopefully this helped clear things up. You can look at any of the linked articles for more information. You can also direct more questions to me, but as far as the allegations go, my knowledge is limited to what I found reading through those articles. This is definitely a longer response than you were looking for, but I wanted to give a proper explanation

#asks #not references #sonic speed simulator #roblox #gamefam

11 notes · View notes

juni-ravenhall · 1 year ago

Text

a story or small book or a poem about stuff i thought about

i didnt have any responsible adults in my entire life. i dont have any still now, when im a disabled adult living in poverty. i think a lot about how nice it would be to find some lonely old middle class people who take a liking to me and adopt me as their kid or grandkid since theirs doesnt talk to them much. how much it would help me to have support from anyone.

i was the most bullied kid in my entire elementary school. i never thought of it that way until recently when i randomly said it out loud during a convo on some related topic. after elementary school i was still bullied and isolated and judged, but not always the no.1 victim. i have a lot of damage from how bullied and alone ive always been, including how isolated i am now. i had friends sometimes, but i lost them.

i live in poverty and cant afford a dishwasher or a good bed. my back hurts a lot on top of my other illnesses. i have to wash a lot of dishes and cook a lot of food alone. the bed is uncomfortable. it hurts my back. when my back hurts, it makes it harder to focus, or rest. it makes everything harder than it already is. i cant really think at all on the days when the pain is worst. i stretch. i try. but im also stuck without money inside a small apartment in a bad neighbourhood, and its hard to feel the motivation to do anything.

the wellfare system and the healthcare system doesn't care to help me get healthy. i'm supposed to simply "find a job", even though my resumé is empty with an unexplainable gap of a decade. i dropped out of uni maybe 3 or 5 times. i dont have a degree. i barely made it through highschool. i didnt know that it was mental illness and symptoms of the abuse. i didnt understand that until i was over 20. i still didnt understand that when i tried to do uni, over and over. i kept trying because i am a hopeful person. i tried to learn alone and create alone, too, because i had hope. but hope doesn't get you anywhere if you don't have any support. i know that now.

i think about that im smarter and more knowledgeable and more effective than most people ive ever met who earn 30k sek a month. like the people who yell at me from the wellfare office for asking questions. or the doctors who conclude that i require no treatment despite my obvious disability. or the people making videogames who dont understand anything about game design. i do understand it and i could teach them so much in one hour, if they talked to me. i could make someone a master artist if i taught them for a few weeks. i am fluent in english on top of my native language and understand linguistics and etymology really well. i can read and write in 4 different alphabets at least. one time i composed an original piece of music for my sibling's school project in the span of a few hours of a night, and they told me everyone in their group was amazed that i made something unique for them, from scratch, that quickly.

i don't think that i'm less capable or less skilled or less intelligent or less rational or less efficient, than middle class people. i don't have any proof that this would be the case. the thing i do have proof of is that i have a lot of struggles that come from being a childhood and adulthood abuse victim and bully victim with no support network, with no help, with no money to ask for help. maybe i wouldn't be this damaged today if i had had 15k sek a month for a few years.

i wouldnt even know how to spend 30k sek a month. well, that's not true. i would save it for the future, to stay safe, while also donating to people in my communities, like my tumblr dashboard. that person that often struggles with rent and meds. that person that does emergency commissions. that person with a sick cat. those people, i would give 1000kr each of my 30.000kr salary. if i gave 1000kr to three different poor people every month, i would still have 27.000kr. if my rent and bills were around 10000kr (in a nicer place than now), and i eat food and use hygiene products for around 3000kr, and i buy meds and clothes and bus tickets and small things for around 2000kr, i would still have 12.000kr left. thats pretty much just completely insane. if i saved 12k sek every month, i would have saved more than 100.000kr in one year from my salary, and still given away 1000kr every month to three poor people, and still been able to live happily with food, medicine, bus tickets and cinema visits, and warm clothes in my size.

i could save 12k sek a month, or i could use 2000kr more, to give 1000kr more to two more poor people. for a total of 5 different struggling humans who i could give 1000kr each month. and still save 10.000kr for my future safety. every month. more than 100.000kr savings a year.

the people who earn 30k sek a month in sweden are earning relatively small salaries. there are many who earn 35k, or even 40k, or even more than that. they don't usually give 1000kr a month to 5 different poor people. they also don't usually get therapy, which they can afford, although some do. if i had 10.000kr left just for savings every month, i would get horse therapy, every week. but i might not even have to use the 10k for that. i might be able to cover that partially with the 2000kr i calculated for other spendings. i would be really happy if i could get horse therapy every week.

if you are middle class, you don't live in the same world we do, i don't think. i don't really understand how it works anymore. if you could give 1000kr to 3 or 5 starving people every month, and still save 10.000kr every month, and still live freely and happily and healthily yourself every month. why would you not do that? i think that's why they say "poor people stay poor because we give money away". when we have it, we share it, because we understand how valuable even the smallest sums are. but it's still hard for me to understand how people earning 30k+ sek every month are the majority of this country and how the majority of people are not doing anything similar with their money as what i would do.

my skills, logic or knowledge don't earn me anything. because if you don't have a network, if you don't have support, if you don't have anything, you can't get anything, either.

my only way out is to keep having hope even though i've learnt that hope doesn't actually help me at all, beyond keeping me from killing myself, sometimes. mostly it's the fact that yasmin would be alone that keeps me from it though. because she also has no support, she also doesn't have anything. at least we are together, in the cold without proper winter clothes. at least we are together, when the drug addicts are banging on our window at 4am. at least we are together, wondering how to ever find any means of employment, in a system that's built against us. how to find support in a society where middle class people will tell you that you aren't trying hard enough, while they don't know even how much 100kr is.

112kr is bus tickets back and forth to downtown for two people. that means we can go windowshopping together, or to the library, but we can't buy anything. 200kr means we can go downtown *and* buy a small trinket or a snack. 500kr, means we can go downtown and buy a piece of second hand clothing, or go to the cinema together, or eat a restaurant meal together, one of those things.

1000kr to a poor person every month can help them buy their meds. pay their rent. or to go to the cinema to cheer up, because sitting in a cold small apartment in a bad neighbourhood can make you feel really bad. it doesn't make it easier to work, or easier to study, or easier to get healthier and move up in society. it's really hard to make a "class journey upwards". middle class people seem to not realise that they've been fed propaganda about poor people. i can understand that the upper classes don't know and don't care, because they are horrible unempathetic people all throughout. if you have that much money and don't help the ones less fortunate, or fight the system for us and with us, there is no redemption.

but middle class people, for some reason, it feels as if you should know. as if you should understand how much 100kr is, or how much 1000kr is, or how much 10.000kr is. because you are only one car accident or one severe health problem away from starting to trickle down in class. well, that wouldn't be enough if you have a support network, or if you have a lot of savings, or if you have a loaded family. but over time, with long-term disability, you might lose your middle class. or maybe your sibling does, or your best friend.

it feels as if it shouldn't be that far away from you, that you can't imagine, that you can't understand that some of us right here around you, in your communities, would have our lives changed by having even half of your money every month. the fact that you don't even have to donate a few 100s "instead of" saving it, or "instead of" spending it on games, or on netflix, or on restaurants. you can spend 1000kr on 5 different poor people each month and still have 10.000kr left over just for savings, or for as many gacha tickets as you want, or for trips to spain, if you prefer.

middle class and upper class people's ability to be patrons to those stuck in lower classes without losing any of their own priviledges is just very interesting. i've seen middle class people tell lower class people that their commissions are too expensive. but if you earn 30k sek a month, paying 1000kr for one single commission is actually more or less nothing to you, on average. the same goes for buying products not made in sweatshops. if you have 10.000sek left to save every month, i think you can afford to not support fast fashion, or fast food. poor people are being exploited, ruined and killed to create those products. not for any fault of their own, but because they were born unfortunate. and poor people on your dashboard are unable to pick up their medicines or pay their rents or buy food and warm clothes, not for any fault of their own, but because they were born unfortunate.

we were born without support networks, without responsible and healthy adults around us. we were bullied and isolated in school. we didn't have the opportunity to make "class journeys upward", because we didn't get healthcare or wellfare or other support to help us get through school, or to help pay for it. we didn't have any energy or ability to "network" and lick boots and kiss ass to get special treatment from richer people, even if we wanted to. the bullying and the abuse gave us PTSD, social phobias. reclusiveness. somehow they really don't understand how hard it is to create a network out of nothing, if you have damage from abuse and bullying. how it's not actually your fault that you don't have support. how it's not your fault you didn't just "get better", when the systems are built against you.

i've been a "free psychologist" to many people online for many years. people tell me "nobody understood me that well before", or "wow, that really changed my life". but i'm actually very tired of being a good therapist for no rewards other than seeing people feel better. no payment. and every time i play a videogame, i imagine i could have a sit-down with the developers and outline to them every single thing they could do to improve the game and sell more copies and have happier players. it comes very easy to me. but there is no way to just become a paid psychologist or a videogame fixer out of an empty resumé. i am not able to try to get a uni degree again, because then i would have no money at all for food and rent. so i am here with my empty resumé, without any support, without warm winter clothes in my size. without 1000kr to give to 3 or 5 poor people every month, and 10.000 for savings, for a safe future.

i really don't know what to do anymore, and i don't know how i will ever be able to take a middle class person seriously ever again, either. not if they earn more than 25k sek a month. below that, maybe they still know what 100kr is worth. i'm not sure. but the majority of sweden's working population earns a lot more than that, and has a university degree, because they weren't fucked up so bad that they couldn't finish school. nowadays, i side-eye everyone i see outside, and wonder if they know how much 100kr is worth. i don't think the drug dealers and users in this neighbourhood know how much 100kr is worth. i wish i could have gone into drug dealing, or into drug using. even just drinking. that's what everyone else does in this social class, for a reason. i just had hope that things could be different some day. that if i was responsible and kept trying, things could get better. it doesn't. i don't know if it matters if i spent my wellfare allowance on food or on drugs, or videogames. i don't know if my life will ever get any better regardless. but i spend it on food and medicine and hygiene products, because i have always been responsible, even though it has gotten me nowhere.

another job i could do would be to give middle class and rich people advice on how to spend their money. i would help them both save and invest properly with my knowledge and logic, as well as spending on a healthy mature life for themselves, and investing in their own happiness as well as their family and community's happiness. i could do all of that. it comes easy to me. i think i could be a counsellor. i could be a game designer. i could teach people how to be great artists. i could teach people how to improve themselves. or i could make music and some people would enjoy it enough to pay me for it. there are really many jobs that would come easy to me. everywhere around me that i look, i see people who don't understand as much about the world as i do. who don't know how to improve or how to move forward, when i can see it easily. i don't think that i'm lesser than people who earn 30.000kr a month. i heard that they take coffee breaks and smoking breaks. i heard that they go get sushi for lunch. i heard that you actually even get extra money for healthcare and other things through benefits of your work. i don't know why they don't know how much 100kr is worth.

the doctors told me that there is nothing they can do to help me, but if i pretend that i have autism, i might be able to get more help. because there are systems in place in sweden for people who have autism, and there might be ways for me to get more support and more different kinds of help that way. but i am a responsible person, and i felt that it would be wrong to pretend to have autism if i don't. the help that they said might be possible is also just a "might" or a "maybe". i think i would pretend to have autism if they told me that i would get 30.000kr a month by getting a job through a special programme for autistic people. but i don't know if anything like that would ever happen, so i don't feel comfortable taking a gamble on it. i also feel really angry that the system is like this, and that well-meaning psychologists at the city hospital feel pressured to tell me that the only way they can help me is if i say i have autism.

the only idea i really have for how to not die is to eventually be able to finish making a serious videogame, all alone or with the help of yasmin, or my sibling, or someone i havent met yet. there are people like me, who are creative and analytical, who made very successful videogames alone or almost alone. and i think im a very good game designer, because it comes easy to me. i always know how to fix other people's games, even though nobody asks me to. i know what's wrong: it's usually the same few things. they lack clear direction, in gameplay, art, story, or in everything. they lack a clear sense of their target audience and their desires. they lack understanding of the fundamentals of good game design and what makes games fun and enjoyable and satisfying to play. they lack focus on making the core of the game strong and solid and focus too much on unnecessary things outside of the core gameplay and other pillars of the game. they lack skills in design, or skills in art, or skills in writing. which again comes back to lacking focus, because almost everything is about focus. it's about understanding what the most core things are, what is the most important, both to you and to your audience. it's about pushing design into interesting unique places, or about pushing boundaries for realism, or about limiting your scope to your resources and goals.

when i said i could make someone a master artist by teaching them for a few weeks, it's more or less the same thing. i would teach them that they need to find a core and find focus. they need to push the limits of their art and their ideas, and maybe the limits of the world and society. to focus on shapes and colours and feelings and pushing extremes, while also learning fundamentals of anatomies and perspectives and layouts just to back up the important parts. or if they just want to make ugly vectors for a boring company for 30.000sek each month, i would teach them to focus only on improving those skills necessary for that and to have a full understanding of what their niche means and what the market is like for them. i would also teach them that they can still push their personal limits and make interesting work even if they have a job making ugly art for a boring company, if they wanted to. i would teach them how to market and advertise their art. most of everything is just about focus and about cores and about disregarding useless things. those kinds of things come easy to me. i think it doesn't come easy to most people i see that earn 30.000kr a month. i could even be their therapist to help them stop feeling inferior about their art or stop having impostor syndrome. i understand how the world works and i'm able to teach others about it, if they want to listen.

the biggest evil in the world is expansion, the concept of expansion. our planet and our societies are going to be destroyed because of expansion, and we are hurting today, especially those of us in lower classes, because of expansion. the opposite of expansion is to make smaller and make less. the balanced version is to sustain. if the rich people stopped expanding, the planet and its poor people would do so much better. if we started sustaining instead of expanding, we would be good on our way, and if we started lessening, we could reverse most problems we have.

expanding comes in many forms, everywhere, all the time. when you want to have more money even though you already have enough to live a healthy, safe and happy life, that's expansion. when a company wants to make more money this month than last month, even though its owners have enough money to live a happy life, that's expansion (unless their only purpose in making more money is to help society in some way). when a government wants more land, that's expansion. i could really go on, but almost every evil in the world is expansion at its core. it's about someone wanting to get richer, someone wanting more priviledges, and that someone is someone who doesn't need it, someone who already has it. a company who already has it. a billionaire who already has it. a government who already has it.

i understand a lot about fixing the world. i understand that solving homelessness is possible and would logically be a good investment for societies. i understand that keeping people poor and exploiting them is a way for powerful people to stay powerful. i understand that nobody who has power or money actually wants to help fix the world, because it wouldn't benefit them personally. i understand that those of us who do want to fix the world never get the resources to do so, and won't receive funding from the people who don't want it fixed. i also understand that if i became a politician, i would get death threats. my life would be even harder than it is now. i don't have the option to gamble with my safety like that, when i can't even afford warm winter clothes in my size. it's also not the very easiest job for me. the very easiest would be game designer. the second easiest would be counsellor. politician comes a bit later. i think it would be nice to perform a job that's easy for me and earn 30.000kr every month.

i have a hard time focusing on creating things these days, or focusing on learning things that would help me, like programming. i know a bit of programming, and i know the logic of it very well. i could map out the way the code should work on paper. but learning all the phrases and exact ways of putting it together takes a lot of effort from me, and with my disability it's difficult to do that. i used to draw a lot, and i studied animation very deeply for some years. i read everything about the history of animation that i came across, and about all the fundamentals, the ideas, the ways to make good animation. different mindsets, some that i agree with and some that i don't. i don't think that good animation has to be smooth, or anatomically correct, or correct in perspective. i think anything can be great if it's done with a lot of feeling and honesty and genuinity. you have to have focus. you have to know what your core is, and what the core of your animation is, what the core of each movement, each action, and each scene is. the core of each character. the core of the story, and the colour palettes. the feelings and the motifs. i don't agree that it matters if its two frames or thirty frames. the part that's going to blow people away is the feeling and the extremes. the wild bold colours, or the extremely minimal colours. the massive movements, or the nuanced tiny ones. the ones that tell a story, or the ones that give you a feeling and a sensation without a story. the ones that are anatomically correct and twenty-four frames per second are never going to matter to anyone if they don't feel like anything. that's what i think.

most things are about focus and cores and about not wasting resources on the wrong things. it's about not expanding in the wrong direction. things that come easy to me. if i had the energy, if my back didn't hurt so much, if i could buy sushi for lunch, i would make the best horse videogame in the entire history of the world. i would get more than 30.000kr per month for it, and i would give 1000kr each to 3 or 5 poor people every month to help them with their rent, or their meds, or their sick cat. i would be the responsible adult in my life who has got my back, who can support me, who can help me, and i would be that adult for others. i would pay to go to horse therapy every week, and i would still be able to save 100.000kr every year, and i would be safe, and i would be happy.

#personal #nonhorsgaem

3 notes · View notes

theeyeofinfinity · 2 years ago

Text

How a thousand lifetimes becomes one.

I think part of my process of dealing with things that bother me are to almost think them to death. I will sit and almost cauterize my spiritual wound with the hot piece of metaphorical steel that is my source of hurt, pressing it to myself until its numb and sealed. I think I’d rather it be that way than running from it. It would just follow the trail of blood i leave behind and find me over and over again. That i feel is infinitely more exhausting than a brutal week or weeks or month of just sitting with it and then moving on after but i digress. I’ve been thinking about all the beautiful moments shared. I think about the time i spent out in the woods behind your parents house. Sitting by the tree that was claimed so long ago and the many trips i took to find it. I remember the peace i felt sitting there and imagining a version of us that never stopped loving each other. Seeing how happy i was to sit with my best friend. Flowers in your hair while i gave you a piggy back ride by the river. Laughs and talks about our struggles in life and how happy we were to have this little pocket of earth to escape from our day to day. Happy to have each other, knowing we’d never leave or love anyone else. It brought me closure because the two that belonged together both died together. We are different people and in essence not them anymore. Thats why we can never have what we had before. So I’d go to pay my respects maybe once a week after work or if a storm was coming. Found the fastest ways in and out so i could watch the little movies in my head before having to race against the sun.

I remember when i felt like i couldn’t stay away anymore and started looking at your page. Seeing that you had found my coordinates and went there yourself. Part of me always hoped I’d run into you. I knew i never would because its not a place youd be in casually to begin with. I remember seeing the post about going on an adventure somewhere secluded. And then leaving an address for me to follow. I remember how conflicted i was trying to decide what i should do. How i begged myself not to go. I wanted to leave it behind like i had promised myself because there was no point in prolonging my own suffering. I unblocked your number just to see if youd say anything as the days got closer. I remember how much my heart fluttered when i saw your name come up on my screen again. I knew i had to go but i didn’t want to tell you. I wanted you to be surprised. But i told you anyway out of fear youd be asleep and i wouldnt be able to find you. Youd already expressed frustration that i wouldnt be coming so i felt compelled to. I got there after what felt like an eternity on the road. I found you. Spent the night talking, watching the stars, and eventually connected in a way that seemed impossible. We had bound ourselves together yet again. I remember laying there the day after just as confused as you were. Scared of what the future might bring. In some ways i was right to be.

I remember how we would talk so often and feel like we had so much to say. So much to catch up on. So happy to feel each other again. We started to bond so much and i felt like i was the only thing that mattered to you. So happy that we came back to each other that youd hold on so tight that I’d never be able to get away again. I started opening myself up to the idea of loving you again. One night while i was in your apartment we had another passionate night. We were so intertwined and i remember how serious you got telling me how glad you were that i was your first. How thankful you were it was me. I spent every day since wishing for another night like that. I remember going to trivia night and hearing “mirrors” come on after we talked about you telling me how much the lyrics matched us all those years ago. Hearing it again when we went for ive cream from a lady street performing. i remember taking you that train tour in the middle of nowhere. It was pretty and cool to sit and watch the scenery. We met a cool waitress there and i got the utmost satisfaction being outside the train while it went through a tunnel. Cold but memorable. What i remember most is getting our picture taken at the end and the waitress told us to look at each other like we were in love. I looked at you and you just looked straight at here pretending like you didnt hear it. It kinda hurt but looking at that picture was just a reflection of how things have been for a long time. Me loving you and you looking away. We got to go explore the old haunted assylum turned hotel that we almost stayed at, looked at some cool shops, and tried out a really tasty bakery. It was also the trip i gave you a stethoscope. I did a bunch of research to see what brands worked the best and finally found one i thought would suit you well. I was so excited to give it to you and the look on your face made it worth the wait. I wanted you to know that through it all, even if you didn’t believe in yourself, youd always have me in your corner cheering for you. I believed in you and us more than anyone ever would or could. You would also carry a piece of me and that sentiment with you for however long you kept that stethoscope in use and in a sense have me there for support whenever you were hard at work.

I remember our trip to go get your motorcycle and you telling me how good i looked on it. I was so ready to ride listening to my music but you wanted to keep talking to me and it made me smile the whole ride back. I also remember waking up at just the right moment when you had texted me late at night to ask if i was awake when you had gone to take a ride on said motorcycle. How the timing of me being there when you need me most always amazed me. I let you come crash at my place because it had started to rain and kept you warm. I was so happy to be your warmth… and to just have you there unexpectedly. I remember the first time not cooking hello fresh but making you soup and grilled cheese from scratch. Our movie marathons and watching top gun and its sequel with you for the first time. Now i’ll never see those movies without thinking about watching it late at night after your shift, cozy together in bed and falling asleep to a video of a fire place. I remember being there for you while you moved out and basically did it all with just you, while your roommate acted off and pushed you aside, i was your rock and finished it out with you. One night that we spent together and you packed my lunch and made me coffee and sent me out with a hug and a kiss. How for a split second i could imagine the happiness I’d feel being with you, coming home to you, you being my everything for the rest of my life. Or when you showed me your pill remover and i asked you to try it on my favorite shirt and it made a hole in it. The gasp and the look on your face made me laugh and all i could feel was love for you. I remember driving out to firefly on a whim to see you just because you said you wished i was there. Hell, i flew to new orleans just to see you. The whole thing was crazy from the start and even while on the plane i kept thinking to myself, “ i cant believe im really doing this…”. It was cool, new place, same girl i couldnt stop loving. From the cool stores and stands, bourbon street, “bagnets” and the aquarium we went to on our last day, i think you were my favorite part every time. Even if it ended with the worst heartache i had felt since the day you left... I remember taking you to jingle ball right after you took me because i wanted to surprise you. Not knowing that because of how eager i was i had given it away. And how chaotic the night we went to yours was, insane traffic that made us so late we couldnt go eat dinner, parking in the wrong spot and walking around a college campus trying to figure out where the concert was without telling me why we were there. Having you finally give up and tell me so i could help find the way. All i could think to myself was just how much i love this woman. It was also the night i unveiled the bad bunny playlist i made for us that took me a while to make. I listened to every album he had and picked all the songs i could tolerate and was going to show you during MY trip to jingle ball with you but you looked so sad and stressed that i pulled it out early. All the small dates scattered around. All the nights i came late in the night just to spend a few hours with you. Some of those nights my nose would whistle and i wouldnt know why but it would annoy you but i thought it was kinda funny. The chemistry when we’re both at our best is truly unmatched. Its a shame the last things i’ll remember is watching it all go cold as you started to back away and in my panic holding on so tight that you flew away. My heart will always remember. What a world isnt it? Reduced to being a ghost for the rest of eternity…

#me

5 notes · View notes

bougiebutchbitch · 2 years ago

Note

this is random but i just wanted to say thank you for keeping the gravel and silk story online and for writing it just in general. i had a really bad falling out with someone who i thought was my best friend, they betrayed me a few weeks ago, and admitted to having malicious intentions planned toward me for years. their favourite character was KO, so every time i look at him now i kind of flinch, if that makes sense. this person spent a few months convincing me that specific characters such as KO wouldnt like my sona (me and this ex friend did a lot of tfp OC roleplaying on discord where our sonas were interacting with the canon characters) which hurts because knock out used to be my favourite character too. spending the last few weeks flinching when i'd see him has been a real struggle since i used to spend literal years just feeling so much love and adoration when i'd see him, it felt like he was ripped from me. but i suddenly remembered i used to love reading your tfp fics so i reread gravel and silk for the first time in literal years and it genuinely made me feel better to read him in your words, i didnt feel as scared or sad while reading. i dont know why? but it helped. maybe because its special to me, probably my first koss oneshot i ever read and what got me into shipping them more. sorry this was a weird message you don't have to answer it lol just wanted to say thank you for writing ❤

You're a sweetpea, and I'm really sorry that this horrible person ruined your enjoyment of a character you used to love. I hope you will continue to heal gently & at your own pace! I believe in you. x

1 note · View note

iriemorning · 3 months ago

Text

emotional cheating

the last 3 months of my life was euphoric. i felt like i was in a dream-induced state every day because of how in love i was. there’s a hundred reasons why it’s my favorite. ice on your tastebuds, sunshine on your skin; the vivid brightness of summer gets to every capillary and fiber of your being.

that you dont notice how kept in the dark you have been.

i have known my ex-boyfriend for years but i still felt like i couldnt have exclusive access to him. i thought being together in a relationship would somehow make us get closer, but it just introduced me to this big invisible wall of how different we really are, and how i have no place in his life.

my heart was always there since the start (i told you i always go all-in) but as more days and weeks passed, the initial spark, dreams, and motivation i had at the start of our relationship was always getting water-dumped by seeing how super close he was to other people in his life.

and then august came and there was barely no contact from him. not even a song, which we regularly bonded over. i cannot even text him directly to fix it because for some reason it always has to be public. our communication was so terrible that it was almost funny. before the month ended i wanted to celebrate my personal achievement and let him know first but he’s already celebrating and having fun with someone else’s.

it was like a punch in the gut.

what was even the point? of this relationship? of my support all over the years? when it seems like he’s already coddled by his ‘friends’ and satisfied without me?

(did we even have a relationship? maybe im just delusional, and the last three months were just a figment of my imagination)

all the love i cultivated in me was displaced with utter disappointment. to my ex, and also to myself, for giving him a chance to hurt me again.

i woke up one day and realized i got emotionally cheated on (that is, if the relationship was actually real). it was probably my biggest eureka moment this year.

back then, when i saw girls forgiving their partners even after their boyfriend cheated, i told myself that if that happened to me, i would break up immediately, no explanations, point blank. but because the cheating this time wasnt obvious (forgive me, it was my first relationship), it took a while for me to see the truth.

as of today, im still not really sure. this is what i always felt with our connection—not sure. if he actually liked me, loved me, cared for me, properly communicated with me, fully comprehended my needs and wants—maybe this wouldnt happen, maybe i wouldnt even feel this way. this was really my breaking point. how can i still invest in a relationship that im not even sure if it’s real in the first place? there was no assurance, just empty promises in the air. there was nothing physical i can hold on to, no grounding that can catch me when im feeling lost. it’s all abstract. it’s all in my mind.

my needy, bruised heart got pushed in the shadows.

there's a big gaping hole in it, and i cry myself to sleep every night hoping that i can stitch it back to normal. but it's so hard. a band-aid solution is not enough. i probably need to overhaul my whole damn self again.

how pathetic. how complicated. how miserable i was.

i guess people are just meant to brighten your season to teach you a lesson after it ends.

next time, if i'm lucky enough to ever love again, i want it to be easy.

something that i can be sure of.

the original title of this post was actually “survival mode: off—lover girl: on” which was sad.. because as much as i felt that way back in june, i cannot bear the thought of writing it now (3 months later) anymore. i was humbled by this harsh reality.

but the lesson i initially wrote in my drafts is still applicable today: whenever you’re struggling, be still. be calm. whatever it was, it’s probably not a do-or-die situation. you can get your way out of this. like you always did

and i hope i do.

#emotional cheating #june-aug-sept 2024 #bitter spots #love should be easy #Spotify

0 notes

wellnesscard · 1 year ago

Text

okayyyy heres my rant about a lil bit of chicken fried a cold beer on a friday a pair of jeans that fits just right and the radio on

gooddddd. i lowkey/highkey hate my jobeven tho there isnt much "real" to hate on as compared to several other places ive quit. its just not my favorite. its mind numbingly boring and repetitive and still half the other managers loose their shit about doing the expected days work. i say other managers bc i am a manager which i didnt realize was the position at all until a couple months in, and if i decided to not do the training id get my pay cut from $14 to like $12. and that fuckings irks me bc had i known i was going to be responsible for ppl and things i wouldve asked for more koney when they hired me but that ship has sailed and i fuckt it up bc i thought i was going to be a line cook. and ig they need managers soooo bad they literally just paid for my serv safe n all that jazz. and i swear half the ppl that work there are fucking retarded like the last manager in training failed serv safe three or more times.. then when i passed everones like congratulations that test is really hard u did it! im like i have to get the fuck out of here Fast ohmygod. and i work with devon and its mostly fine but also drives me nuts occasionally. like were so together he just forgets stuff like telling me im manager in training or training me on any management shit at all before im supposed to start running shifts solo. im just frustrated by a lot and i want to quit but i know i probably shouldn't because its so fucking easy and i can get away with virtual murder there . its also a tiny cage of a kitchen, constantly overstaffed, and feel a bit trappt by a) devon going out n getting this job for me when we moved bc he already worked there n is buddies with the GM, and b) the GM being such a sad ass self-conscious redhead who has also just handed me a ton of free goodies. tbh they do quarterly raises and maybe if i negotiate to 15.50 ill be more okay with it all. that is/has been another struggle is making my own relationships w these people bc devon knew them all first and is a bit more boisterous than me and im trying to push past some of these codependent habits ive ended up with (started crying at this bit so u know were getting close to the truth) which is so fucking Hard when you work at his job working the same shifts or when were not i.e. today and i start crying waking up bc i have to go in alone and be manager which i never fully got trained for and be 1-on-1 with his sister who also works there and who i love but also can be very intense and volatile esp lately bc she started dating this girl whom is ..... kinda a dick ngl so thats obvy stressful. anyways yes avoiding codependency is Hard when thats the morning n he says anything i can do for u? and i half joking say work my shift? n then he does -_- and i feel like i should've just been a big girl. like if i worked a job different than my husband he wouldnt be able to cover my shift, its just the unique workings of This Fucking Place. which im fine with. i think. the walk there is amazing, even if i perpetually smell like fryer oil. fr watch me get mauled by a boar or bear omw home next week cos i smell like a snack walking home thru the woods. whatever at the same time its easy as pie and if i work it right i never have to buy groceries.

0 notes

averysmolkirbo · 3 months ago

Text

(ackkkkk i was gonna rb this but then i lost the post and had to find it again ×_×

so im trying again!!! )

EEEP SOMETHING ABOUT MY HYPERFIXATION TO RANT ABOUT!!! SO EXCITED DONT EVEN KNOW WHERE TO START

so yea obviously the lame anwer is "pokemon is for kids" and they cant show like death and stuff but that didnt stop them from showing lysandre getting absolutely DESTROYED by zygarde's core enforcer and either dying or maiming him. So like they done it before!!! and i get that more bad stuff happens to bad guys than good guys in fiction but there's clearly precedent for legendary pokemon killing/ maiming people.

Also side tangent i know the manga is different but in the manga his death is even more brutal, being impaled from the back by landing on sharp rocks and either bleeding to death (like literally blood is shown in the picture) or having his spinal cord shattered and making him paraplegic.

So there's TOTALLY precedent for severe injury/ death in pokemon, ESPECIALLY at the hands of legendarys. and infact another thing about the lysandre example is that he has am excuse for just not outright dying, leon doesn't. In X version when the ultimate weapon fires, lysandre is still trapped in the flare hideout and basically hit directly by the ultimate weapon. Because in X the weapon is powered Xerneas, instead of outright killing him you could argue it would make him immortal instead (much like it did with floette & az) so thats a reason he wouldnt outright die.

leon has no excuse like that. hes just a guy. and like yea i love him dont get me wrong but no amount of muscles shouldve made him practically unscathed. Unless he is quite literally built different and made out of like fucking titanium theres its weird that was fine.

I feel like theres a few ways they couldve handled it, and i dont personally think this was even the worst one, but they couldve had a better one for sure. To me at least the game's approach is a little better, where he at least has to take a *little* time to recover (but still not long enough considering the magnitude of the blast) and also i think it's sort of implied (at least if you read into it a little), that he may have been hospitalized for those 3 days and it was just offscreen.

I feel like that method couldve been improved if they maybe extended how long the time skip was, maybe to 3 weeks at least, and if they wanted to be more dramatic like 3 months, because even 3 days seems like far too little time to recover from something like that. 3 months might be a little long and i get why they might not wanted to push it back THAT far, but i definitely feel like 3 weeks is at least a nice middle ground between being a reasonable recovery time and not being TOO long of a time skip.

also i think another theory ive seen especially in fanworks like fics ive read is that the blast acts/should act more like radiation where it doesnt exactly cause a ton of visible injury immediately but can still be really destructive. I think this wouldve been a good thing too, seeing as eternatus' energy seems similar to some kind of radiation (like how power can be generated from it and how things can 'mutate'/ change size from it). It could be a good balance of not showing too much gore/violence on screen but still making it that he's not just completely fine. One way ive even seen this implemented in a fic is that when he's struck with the beam he becomes like possessed/afflicted by eternatus as almost a parasite/alien type thing where it becomes a psysichal (i just struggled for like 2 minutes to spell psyical sorry lol my dsylexic ass cant spell that word for the life of me) part of him.

If im being honest i dont really like the idea of killing him off entirely, but i think the best way to do it if they were to is to do that cliche anime fiction thing where when someone dies they get revived by something shortly after and while i do think its sort of cheesy, it couldve worked with the dogs like having the power to revive him or something like that? And they've done that before too with ash, so theyre not completely opposed to it it seems.

I dont like the idea of him dying (or, dying and staying dead) not only because i like him as a character and that would make me very sad but also because i feel like he's too important to overall story to just kill him off completely. Unless the story events were shuffled around or changed in some way him dying in that moment would be really anticlimatic for the championship battle and the other things around him. Also it raises questions about what would happen, do you just get handed the championship because you're the favorite to win? Does someone like raihan get the championship because he's the closest in power to him? does a previous champion come back? What about the rose/battle tower? What happens to that?

so yes, i agree that he definitely got off way too easy for the sheer force he endured, i personally think killing him off completely is a worse way of solving the problem. I think they shouldve either increased his recovery time/ longterm impact a lot more (like ive seen many fanfics do) or have him temporarily die/ go into a dead-like state but not stay dead, either through eventually recovering or possibly through pokemon magic.

thank you for coming to my pokemon ted talk

(follow me for more unhinged stuff)

Champion Frolic Fleece's Pokémon Theories Season1 Episode1: Waiter, There's A Dead Leon In My Soup!!!

Have a Pokémon Theory by yours truly, Champion Frolic. This episode: I ask the hard and real question on "How the heck is Leon not dead."

youtube

I seriously have no idea how Leon survived the events with Eternatus in either the anime or the game! HOW DID LEON SURVIVE?! EXPLAIN POKEMON COMPANY AND NINTENDO, EXPLAIN!

Please reblog this, so it gains traction! I am a struggling disabled autistic who is trying to make my way in life, and being able to do Youtube for a living would be a dream come true!

Also, I call Leon a himbo in this video affectionally, not in a bad way. I think he's smart in some areas but dumb in others. You can be smart in some ways but dumb in other ways. I'm not trying to insult him, it's just a term of endearment to me. I know Leon is very intelligent in many ways, but sometimes he does reckless and dumb things, like taking on Eternatus by himself, or jumping onto the back of a Corviknight in the anime, or driving like a maniac, etc.

#i am so passionate about this game if you couldnt tell #im very not normal about them #and its compounded by the fact that pokemon is my current special interest/hyperfixation #pokemon #video games #character analysis #theory analysis #pokemon leon #pokemon sword and shield #pokemon theories #fan theories #also i think ur very cool op and i wanna hear more of ur stuffs!!!#and it is my professional opinion that we should be moots 🤝🏻#cuz as you can tell i like pokemon (and ranting) alot #i was legit sad when i lost this post in my feed when i closed the app i didnt stop looking until i found it lol #my very long rambles #thank you for coming to my ted talk

8 notes · View notes

fighterkimburgess · 2 years ago

Note

idt they slept 2gether in 7x19/7x20. the every 6 months or so is prob abt last time they slept 2gether b4 she got pregs. wk they slept 2gether in 7x04 & maybe more after that bc adam told kevin “we hung out a couple of times” & wdk how much time pass each eps. 7x19/7x20 they were both still sad abt miscarriage & wouldnt want to risk getting pregs again. kim said to adam “dont wk better than this” in 8x05 bc last time she got pregs. she wouldnt have said that if they slept 2gether in 7x19/7x20.

So I did the maths on this timeline, because I am an idiot and ridiculous in the best way. Here’s as close as I can get to an approximate timeline between 7x04 and 8x05. Again, this is the Chicago verse and they hate good timelines but here we go.

7x04 - sometime roughly early September. It’s still warm enough for tailgating in Chicago, and that football season started September 5th that year. The Bears played at home on September 15th to the Broncos, which would fit right around when we know this would have kicked off. It was also their first home game of the season, explaining tailgating. The crossover ran the space of three days I think? Based on people changing clothes? So Kim and Adam slept together some time around the 18th/19th

7x05 - picks up nearly immediately because in Adam and Kevin’s conversation about the coffee you cannot tell me that Adam Ruzek is not stride of priding through work. I’m sorry, you can’t. The man is oozing “just got laid”.

7x08 - Kim finds out she’s pregnant. She’s told she’s about four weeks, which puts this at the end of September/start of October. Pregnancy is counted from the date of your last period, so four weeks pregnant tends to mean it’s two weeks since conception. Considering the way it’s gotten visibly colder in the “Jay’s missing” episode, I’d go with first week of October.

7x11 - Kim’s had the first sonogram, and judging from the sonogram images we’re hitting right around nine, ten weeks of pregnancy, so mid November and two months since they slept together.

7x13 - Kim says the baby’s the size of a naval orange. According to thebump.com (yeah, I know, but this is the sources I’ve got), a foetus is the size of a naval orange at around fifteen weeks, putting us at the start of January or so. Which makes sense based on the weather, and that Kim isn’t looking as exhausted as before. We know from 8x13 that she really struggled with morning sickness, and generally around week 12/13/14 is when that stops.

7x15 - we can fairly firmly place this to early/mid February. The weather, the fact that Kim’s back in work and her visible injuries are healed, she’s been gone for about a month. Plus the way she and Adam have the fight? He’s been working and attempting to cope, but she’s been at home thinking.

7x16 - the hockey tickets. This doesn’t definitively place everything, but it’s probably coming into what would have been the tail end of the season, I’m comfortable marking this as late February/early March (from here the pandemic is fucking up my timelines but they treated the season like the end happened in April so I’m doing that too)

8x03 - this is roughly November/December, we can see it based on the Christmas decorations in the back of the upstead kiss. Adam says they go to the same bars, they don’t see anyone, they don’t date anyone, so I’m pretty comfortable saying they slept together at least once while they were covid bubbling. They both ostensibly live alone, it made sense to bubble together.

8x05 - I’m calling this for January. There’s no Christmas stuff up, it’s clearly cold out, and even without the snow you can tell it’s chilly. We know it’s about a month since Makayla’s cousins took custody too.

In 8x05 Kim says “so is this part of our relationship now? We’re accepting that every six months or so we sleep together?” It’s been at least eighteen months since they slept together in 7x04. It’s nearly a year since she lost the baby. Kim Burgess isn’t going to say “every six months or so” if it’s not at the very least a pattern. Maybe it wasn’t around 7x19/20, but they definitely did sleep together at least once between then and 8x05, and I will say that till the end.

#cíara answers #this was longer than expected #oops

2 notes · View notes

winter-spiders · 2 years ago

Text

Kinktober day 23

Scent-Kink (A/B/O) - WinterSpider 547 words

Bucky was an omega, only a small handful of people in the world knew this. One person that he had never wanted to find out was Peter Parker, the sweetest and most eligible Alpha in the tower.

A few months ago he had accidentally stopped taking his supressants and went into heat around Peter, and Peter….didnt do anything to him, just made sure to bring him to his room, where his nest is and his box of ‘heat supplies’ and just left.

While Bucky had never been with an Alpha while during a heat, that whole heat he begged ‘his alpha’ to come and knot him, only for him to realize that ‘his alpha’ was sweet young, just presented Peter.

Peter had never tried courting anyone before, but all of the last two weeks, he had been researching how Alphas court Omegas in the 40s, and most of it seemed simple enough. Bring chocolates or flowers (depending on whether their scene is more floral or sweet), ask them out to a nice, but inexpensive restaurant, continue this until the Omega is yours. (while the whole ‘this omega belongs to him’ thing made Peter uncomfy because, why would he ever want to own a person? He can barely take care of himself!)

Bucky had realized that the kid. The Alphaa he had been calling his in his mind since they met, had started courting him, he was flattered, but had to decline the invite out, because he had to go through another hear, having forgot the meds again.

Bucky was already holding up in his room when his body weas yelling at him to find the source of something that smelt amazing, he couldnt figure out what it was, but it lead out of his room and just down the hall and into Peters room.

Maybe going into an unmated Alphas bedroom while in heat isnt the best idea, his body wouldnt shut up until he found the source of the scent. He had knocked onto the door, hearing the younger whine about something, the door opened a crack, showing Peters face, making Bucky realize that the scent he had been smelling was Peter, who was in rut.

Bucky pushed the door open and closed, making sure the younger was indeed the source. Bucky stood in front of him, nose buried in the alphas neck, smelling the irresistible scent coming from the boy. The alpha was struggling to not grab the omega to smell his mouthwatering scent as well, but then the omega started rutting against his thigh, nose still scenting his neck.

Bucky rutted against Peters thigh with reckless abandonment, after about a minute, Peter heard the Omega whine loudly against his neck, shivering as he licked over the duct, and came inside his pants.

“Bucky, are” Peter had to pause. “Are you sure you want to spend your heat with me? I have a few Alpha friends who would die for a heat with you, and their all gentlemen” Peter didnt just want to be the closest unmated alpha Bucky could get his hands on, he wanted the omega to be his.

��Ive wanted you to be my alpha since we met, aint nothin beatin you and your scene, Alpha” Bucky purred into his chest.

#winterspider #bucky x peter #peter parker #kinktober #winter-spiders #omega bucky barnes #alpha peter parker #scent kink

3 notes · View notes

low-budget-korra · 4 years ago

Text

Lets talk about Korra (again)

i already made this analysis, and it was well received but i dont know, i wanna do it again. Why not right? My english is better now than was when i made that analysis so i think this one will be better written

What a way to introduce a protagonist. This line and this scene tell us everything we need to know about Korra at that time and everything she knew about herself.

In book one Korra is a 17′s old teenager who have no idea how the world, how life is outside the training center she grew up in and had been locked up since ever. So she is not only naive but have lack of social skills

Oh, and not everyone who lack’s social skills will act like Zuko and Azula okay? Korra can be confident, expressive and outgoing and still have problems when it comes to social skills.One thing dont exclude the other.

“I’m the Avatar and you gotta deal with it” did you guys notice that only for that line we can see the entire opposite on how she treat her role as avatar in comparisson with Aang? And im not here to judge because is two very different contexts.

As far as we know, Korra grew up without friends or romantic partners. Of course, she had her training partners but i believe that they are just that.

So her entarely perception of herself was around her duty as Avatar, she didnt have personal life, she barely was Korra...She was The avatar and thats that.

So she came to Republic City, it was a mess.

Its funny to see that she have no touch when it comes to simply talk to people, i guess when you grew up away from society, this happens. And yes, she is cocky and had to learn that people arent there to somewhat please her, and she learned that quicky.

Thats why the Pro Bending was important for her character, not only for training but also as means of socilization.

Now lets talk about the villains: Amon and Tarrlok

The two of them represents two differents threats to Korra. Amon represents a threat to her duty as Avatar while Tarrlok represents a threat to Korra as a person.

In episode 4 we have what i still thinks is the darker episode from TLOK. In this episode Amon ambushes Korra in the final moments... Even knowing that they did their best to make Amon’s power and control be non-sexualized as possible still...He have her down on her knews, totally helpless and he even invades Korra’s personal space by touching in her face forcing her to look at him. He didn't have to sexually touch her to violate her.

And right after, the fear in Tenzin voice when asking what happened after seeing her laying in the ground like that, and how Korra is sobing in his arms teeling him how powerless and helpless she felt. I mean...Oh, and she keeps terryfied by him until he takes her bending.

Tarrlok in the other hand doesnt do much different from his brother and started to harass Korra because he cant take ‘no’ as a answer when Korra didnt wanted to join his task force.

Whats interesting is that if it wasnt for Tarrlok harassement and maniputation, Korra wouldnt have joined his task force and wouldnt have confronted Amon and wouldn't have gone through that terrible encounter.

The thing is that Korra is caught right in the middle of a politcal power dispute over the city, something that she for sure wasnt prepare for it. And both Amon and Tarrlok woud hurt or kill her without think twice about it if that means gain power. And that was exacly what happened

Tarrlok tried to manipulate her and keep her on leash where he could, and when his tatics didnt worked anymore he alreay had a plan B. Yes that whole metal box in that cabin in the middle of nowhere was made especifically for her and maybe Tenzin if he also get in his way.

In the end Korra lost the physical battle against both but won the ethical battle also against both. She was the responsable for expose both of them as corrupted and hypocrites. But at what price? Amon was able to remove the bends of the Avatar. And without them, how could she be the Avatar?

Remember that her entirely conception of herself was built around her duty as Avatar, be the avatar. After all, everything she was, everything she'd trained so hard for, had been destroyed in minutes. Thats why i still strongly believe that she was thinking about killing herself at the end, nobodys goes all sad and crying to in front of a clifft without thinking about jumping from it.

But she, i think given up the idea and just sit and started to crying when Aang appeared and help her, giving her bendings back in one of the best scenes of the show. So after have everything solve and still managed to get the boy she was in love with, things where great and she “move on”

In that first half, Korra is unbearable. Everything she learned in Book 1 how to be more mature, less spoiled and all, was thrown in the trash and she was the same "child" of the book one only worse.

Until I stopped and realized that I was also unbearable and childish like this when I had my bad phases of anxiety and depression, as defense mechanism and keep people away. Returning to Korra, and if this way of acting of her was nothing more than this defense mechanism?

Because guess what, i dont think she “move on” from all that happened in Book One that fast, and for add more drama she discovered that was her father idea of keeping her locked up training in that training center we saw in book one and not traveling like avatars before her. No wonder she felt betrayed. And for adding even more drama, people still keep treating her like child, so she was despered for some validation. Something that she found in her uncles arms but she was betrayed by him after.

In the end, Korra again goes through a traumatic experience when she has her connection with past lives destroyed. We see how it affected her when she apologizes to Tenzin, through tears. And Tenzin, as the excellent master he is, tries to motivate her to face Vaatu again (now merged with Unalaq, her uncle) and again she saves the day even after go throught a traumatic event

In the final moments, we see the innocent decision to reconnect the world of spirits and the world of men. And we also see Korra and Mako permanently end their turbulent relationship.

Book 3 begins in a more mature, we see all the characters being presented in a more mature way and it seems that Korra now has overcome everything that has passed. We have the relationship between Korra and Asami deepening as well

In Book 3, called "Change" we have a great sacrifice from Korra. Her life goes down a notch when she decides to save the new airbenders from Zaheer and the Red Lotus, the only villain until now that really threat her life since their sole goal was to kill the avatar.

Korra won again but this time victory costed way too much. Yes she save the day again but now she was physically and psychologically defeated. It was too much, she broke.

Book 4 begins and we only saw Korra in the final minutes and she is unrecognizable. We see that, once proud and courageous avatar, in someone depressed and cowerd. We never have saw Korra like that, even when she was afraid of Amon she wasnt like that.

Korra is afraid of being the Avatar again and her fight against PTSD is still one of the most sensitive, responsable and honest representation of Mentall Issues that i saw, and it was before this subject gain more space on media. It was before people started to give attention to this

I also think that she was having flashs from her other fights and not only the one against Zaheer.

Another thing I think is worth mention is that Korra took 3 years to feel safer and re-embrace her duties as Avatar. It was not 3 weeks or 3 months, it was 3 years. And anyone who suffers from some mental illness knows very well the stigma that is, the fight that is, because everyone wants you to be well faster as possible when the truth is that many times you spend years fighting against this. And this is a pressure that falls on you.Imagine, seeing all your friends moving forward while you continue "stock in the same place"?

Only after Korra confronts Zaheer, I think that was a way to show her coping with the trauma, she improves to the point of returning to be the great Avatar we know. I personally still struggles with this scene because put the victim in front of her agressor may not be the best idea but i understand that she needed to see that he was just a man and not the invencible monster her mind was telling her

One of the lines that stuck with me the most was in the TLOK version of the ember island players, the one that made a recap of the show before the finale. When Korra said “I was so naive” just before we watch her narration of her journey, we can feel pain, sadness and strenght. Janet was amazing in the way the delivered this line.

And this fucking quote i saw here on tumblr still is the goat: “The Last Airbender is a story of a boy who becomes a god. The Legend of Korra is the story of a goddess who becomes a girl "

And I still get really pissed when someone comes to talk shit about Korra because she is such an incredible heroine and her journey is also so incredible.

The story of how life can be hard and unfair, how it can hurt and paralyze, but there is always a reason to move on. We should always move on.

Korra is definitely not weak, quite the opposite, she is one of the if not the strongest heroine I have ever seen. Korra inspires overcoming

#korrasami #avatar korra #asami sato #mako #tenzin #bolin #lin beifong #su beifong #kuvira #zaheer #amon #unalaq #tarrlok #the legendd of korra #legend of korra #tlok #lets talk about #avatar

184 notes · View notes

shinebrightlikeanarwhal · 3 years ago

Text

Travis-centered plots because I Like fix it’s… (I just finished typing them all, I’m ashamed for my sinful brain oml)

- Larry and Travis having once been friends but being torn apart by Travis’ father. Larry keeping an eye on Travis for years but then turning his attention to Sal, whom in turn receives the sudden disdain of Travis.

Sal confronts Travis in the bathrooms one day and Larry listens from the door. Eventually Sal talks Travis into tears. He confesses to being jealous of Sal and not wanting Larry to stop focusing on him, even if Larry ends up hating him. How his dad would beat him if Travis and Larry ever got close again. Larry barges in and holds Travis close. They reconcile (Sal opting to let the boys talk, clearly not in the mood to see Enemies to Lovers tonguing den in the school bathroom.

They uproot and destroy the cult, blah blah blah, Happily ever after and Travis gets help for his trauma induced depression and anxiety.

- Travis has been off for a few days. He doesn’t antagonize anyone. Philip does more talking and ginger touching that Travis violently jerks away from. During class he barely responds and teachers don’t try to force him. Sal didn’t expect to find Travis sleeping on a bench one day. His worn shoes now tattered with holes at the bottom. His black eye prominent but accompanied by a busted lip and what looked to be severe damage to his legs.

Not sure how he did it, but Sal managed to convince Travis to come home with him. Introduces Travis to Henry and leads him to the bathroom where he washed off and got treated. His damage was severe and Sal really wanted to call the police but just seeing a fearful Travis weened him off the idea.

Larry was not too pleased to find Travis at Sals. He almost yelled until he noted Travis look at his raised hand and cower from him. Larry pausing and pulls Sal to the side to understand. Of course they don’t know the full story but it’s enough to have Larry texting the group for help. Most were curious about what could lead them to wanting to help Travis. Ash, however, seemed to know a lot.

They find out about Travis’ abuse, the cult. Travis helps a little. He is still terrified of them but they start to grow on him with time. He even allows contact with Sal rarely, who shows him his face during a bonding moment at the dead of night. Larry makes playlists and CDs to help Travis get accustomed to loud noises (many of which are songs Larry personally thinks Travis would enjoy.

After the gang destroys and puts the cult behind bars. No demons, no murders, and no dead friends. Sal manages to convince Travis to report his father, thankfully they kept his clothes to give to the state police, Todd refused to trust the local police after further investigating the cult and their connections.

Healing and coping, cuddling and coddling. Travis getting the love and attention he deserves! Could end with him dating someone or him just being under their care for a while.

—Salvis but Sal is a bit more aggressive with Travis. Fuck it ABO, Travis is a very spicy omega that pretends to be a Beta. Sal is a strong scented alpha, like it’s a musky and domineering scent compared to his appearance. Larry is an alpha, though his scent is murky and smoky, and he doesn’t act like the stereotypical alpha. Travis nitpicks them like usual, though sometimes they are too distracted by the nice smell seeping off of him. Larry sneers and asks if Travis mom scented him before school. Travis is upset at this. Much more emotional than usual. Sal notes the spike in scent and jabs Larry.

Uh oh, Travis is presenting in the bathroom, and beta Philip isn’t able to fight off the alphas coming to investigate the scent, thankfully Sal is here to soothe and calm the terrified Travis while his friends help fend off the other students.

Mr. Phelps is pissed about an omega son. Travis is constantly scented with distress. He isn’t allowed to talk about it but everyone can smell it. They are well aware of Travis’ fluctuating weight, fatigue and his tan skin turning pale and bruised worse than before. Larry is annoyed by this but can’t tell whether it’s the scent affecting him or his stern belief in protecting omegas from abusive alphas.

Sal hates it, he knows he felt the mate bond but Travis doesn’t seem to notice. Travis’ suffering eats away at Sal until he all but corners Travis and propositions him to save him from his father and give him sanctuary. It takes a lot to convince Travis. Heck, he has to promise Larry wouldnt hurt him (Larry later seeks Travis to reconcile their bad blood).

They get to know eachother. Sal is head over heels and watching Travis grow and blossom into his omega blood. Travis starts falling for someone else and Sal tries to be supportive (until he can’t even look at Travis without feeling heartache). But Travis notes he doesn’t love ____ And follows his heart to Sal. They bond, they love and boom, happy little family. (With three cute babies because Travis and Sal deserve happy families)

Larvis: roughly the same as the salvos ABO but Larry straight up picks up Travis and carries him home. Travis tries to fight but is swaddled and pampered until he’s fast asleep and purring in Larry’s arms.

Mr. Phelps doesn’t have much ground to stand on when he tries to take Travis back. Larry confirming that Travis is his mate and based off of Phelps’ beliefs he should reside with his mate.

Travis is surprised his father backs off so easily (because how could the pastor refute what he preaches?? Such blasphemy would be heard by the church blah blah blah). Larry and Travis talk and Larry admits that they are indeed mates, he never brought it up for Travis’ health. He was already struggling to care for himself, a mating bond would send his already feeble body and fragile mind spiraling. Larry also admits he knew they were mates ever since he presented, which wasn’t that long after entering highschool. But, Travis was so proud to be ‘normal’ and not some horny mess like the others. He also didn’t like seeing Travis harass and bully others, which probably aided in his aggressive rejection of the omega and prolonged Travis’ presentation.

Life goes on and Larry and Travis are happily married with four kids (two more in the oven, because Larry is a very affectionate husband). Cult was handled and Sal is NOT dead and very much the worlds best uncle.

-Travis having a hot girl summer.

That’s it. That’s the plot.

Thotty church twink marching about in short shorts and tank tops (sinful!) showing off his goodies to the masses. Larry shamelessly offers to partake, and gets thrown for a whirlwind when Travis’ phat ass is delightfully uncontrollable. Sal jokingly shoots his shot and winds up slumped in the back of the church from immaculate head.

Mr. Phelps is away so the thot is out to play. (Courtesy of Mama Phelps aiding and abetting her sons growth as a person. He may be throwing it back to the boys he once sneered at but at least he’s nicer to people)

-Travis being rescued from the Phelps home after a concerned report to the state police. The church closed and his father put behind bars for many accounts of child abuse and neglect and the disappearance of Travis’ mother.

Sal and gang are curious about what the new home will do to Travis after months of rehabilitation, and all damn near faint when they see Travis with long pink hair and a cute sun dress marching into the school. Directly towards them and apologizing for his horrible treatment of them, specifically Sal. They can’t believe his change at first but after weeks of watching him, he seems genuinely happier.

This new happiness starts to get unsettling to Larry, who watches Travis and Philip be closer than before. He shouldn’t care he hates Travis! But god he wished the boy would wrap his arms around his and march down the halls. He would kill to get surprise back hugs or do the hugging. He wanted to share lunch with Travis. Be hand fed meals and have his mouth cleaned whilst being scolded.

Fuck, he’s in love! He thought he nipped that in the bud when Sal started getting bullied by Travis. But no, Travis being rescued from his awful father and being a genuinely good person from then on was astounding. Hell, he even brought Sal treats as an apology for walking in on him with his mask off once. Sal said it was fine but Travis babbled ok about feeling bad because Sal looked terrified even though Travis didn’t think Sal was any less cool. (Yes, Sal cried in his room about how much it meant for someone to say that).

For fucks sake, Travis had pictures upon pictures of his new family and their pets. PETS. He had dooogs, god Larry lost his mind seeing Travis jogging around town with dogs in shorts and a sweaty, almost see through tank top!! He’s too gay for this.

He finally confesses, maybe tries to play it off as a joke, but Travis just smiles sweetly and pecks his cheek. He’s sorry but he’s already dating someone. Larry tries not to let his disappointment show, but he just can’t feel the need to go to school for a couple of days. Hides out in his tree house and just smokes. Cause, cmon.. who’d wanna date him?? All he does is smoke and play around! He hasn’t had a stable relationship in years and most he’s known for is sleeping with whoever he deems the hottest.

Sal notices his behavior and tries to comfort him, not sure why Larry is like this, by offering to introduce him to his partner. Maybe they have a friend Larry is interested in. Larry wants to be supportive but he really doesn’t care to see Sals new beau(ty). He really just wanted to camp out in the tree house and smoke away the pain. Or, he did until he sees Travis and Sal holding hands and nuzzling on the couch one day. Sals legs on Travis’ and Travis combing Sals hair. Larry felt like his world came crashing down, his best friend?? And his first and worst crush?? The crush that sent him spiraling for what could have been weeks? Sal is innocent, he didn’t know that Larry was madly in love with Travis. Didn’t know that Travis so politely rejected him and offered to cease contact if Larry felt he couldn’t be around him.

Larry wasn’t much of a romantic after that. He played around with whoever he felt needed love. His partying spiraling out of control in adult hood. Travis tried to contact him and help him find a good person, but any attempts to help Larry ended with Larry crying to him drunkenly. Asking why he wasn’t good enough, why he couldn’t have been Sal. Travis wasn’t allowed near Larry after Larry drunkenly made advances at him, he doesn’t blame Larry he’s extremely emotional, but Sal felt Larry would only get worse the more they stayed in contact, so they were kept apart.

Larry never loved anyone as much as he loved Travis Fisher.

-Last one was a sadder Onesided Larvis, this one is Larry teasing and cornering Travis so much that Travis tries to shock him by kissing him. He came home with some hickies and a very prominent limp.

They’re not saying, yet, but Wingman Sal is politely judging Travis into Larry’s arms. They are constantly alone together. Larry blowing Travis’ back out in an abandoned amusement park when the others split up to explore. “He sprained his ankle running from a shadow” Hmph, Travis smelt like axe. He HATES the smell of axe… but okay lovebirds.

Sal has 100% walked in on the secret lovers getting frisky when moms out. Later helps Travis shop for more pretty clothes, because who wouldn’t want a shopping body??? That’s almost illegal to not take the opportunity.

Larry eats ass. A lot. Travis can literally be on FaceTime shopping with Sal and Larry just slips under the covers and enjoys his fill of boyfriend cheekies~ yum!

Travis, as revenge, will give the gawk gawk 9000. Larry is NOT safe if he thinks Travis has forgotten the embarrassment of Sal chuckling and telling him he has to go walk his homework. He could be on the phone with his boss or Lisa and Travis will give the sloppiest top he’s ever had. (Praise the son for horni bratty bottoms)

#travis phelps #laravis #Larry x Travis #salvis #sal x travis #larvis #sal fisher #sally face au #sally face #larry johnson #I’m but a hole #so Travis will be too #I have more but I so tired ;u; don’t wanna think #but yeah Travis either getting help or being adopted and rehabilitated #god I love the idea of Travis with long luscious hair in the prettiest gowns #prancing around the school and bringing hand made treats to his peers #special treats to the one he likes #long post

44 notes · View notes