#maybe i still need more sleep
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I was reading a novel and this phrasing stood out to me.
"She really was exceedingly kind. This was a colossal weakness for a person. But that was fine. He could fill in that weakness."
This is how imagine my Tav's and Astarion's relationship to be. In other words as the Rulers one is the good cop the other the bad cop
#This is how i justify my being good with a Vampire Lord+#ascended astarion#this sounds like a 3am thought but its not 3am#maybe i still need more sleep
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*crawls out of art block dungeon*
Here's a page of a comic I've been thinking of. I don't know if I'll finish it, but posting might help motivate me. Or I'll move on to the next thing, haha.
#I still dont know how to do comics#or perspective#dont look at it too close#or at all#one piece sabo#revolutionary sabo#one piece ace#portgas d ace#one piece asl#one piece koala#one piece fan art#one piece#one piece fanart#What do you mean my text layer was off when I saved and posted???#no?#you didnt see this#controversial opinion#but maybe you need more than four hours of sleep
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exam 5 for me... tomorrow!
honestly have been feeling really nervous for this exam since my classmates have either failed it or just barely passed. and i had less time to study this time around because i rushed to book the exam.
so i drew this little encouragement early cuz i need the reminder that no matter what happens tomorrow, i did what i could and i didn't compromise on my boundaries—and that is its own victory.
and i hope that you'll be reminded to celebrate your own big and small victories too!
"You are nervous and that's okay! You did your best! You set boundaries! You took breaks! We're so proud of you, Starlight! Whatever happens, we'll always be here, cheering you on!"
#fnaf sun#fnaf eclipse#fnaf moon#fnaf dca#dca fandom#crab art#bright colours#traditional art#self-insert#my OC Esther#on a funnier note (gonna ramble)#i realized today that i could technically bring a sprite to drink in my exam#we're only allowed water in a clear drink container without any labels#so like... sprite is clear enough to work right?#and if they ask about the bubbles i'll just say it's sparking water#(i hate sparkling water but they don't need to know that)#but yeah might do that cuz i think the sugars will do me some good#3 hour exams are inhumane#anyways going to sleep now because i need sleep more than sugar#the worst thing that could happen is i fail and i have to pay another $115 to retake the exam and i receive the disappointment of my mom#i could buy a sun and moon plushie with that money#maybe even an eclipse plushie too#so the stakes are pretty high i think#if i pass i'll buy those plushies hehe#maybe just one for now because i still have more payments to make for my program#okay okay no more rambling going to sleep now
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i'm sending this endless melody to a nameless you
#SKELETON ORCHESTRA AND LILIA I NEED YOU#project sekai#emunene#emu otori#nene kusanagi#pjsk#prsk#proseka#wxs cover wishlist copium.. 2!!#i have lots more of them i wanna draw but ill do st least one duet for each pair i think. maybe nnks next ive had one for them forever#Gyaaaa#Crying i have szks lunar new years art that idk how to render im missing the holiday. lord in heaven#Ik every leaker or whatever says this is going to mmj snd it probably will and i'll love the cover but still. emunene save me#wxs gets songs with nonsense lyrics its possible right Right right#i also wanted setsuna trip to go to emu in any duet but i looove the mnai cover so i won anways#Kind of too sleepy to do my usual. Sorry viewers who like reading theough my insane tags. Dont get covid it makes you sleep 13 hours a day#For the next month.#my friends saw me going nuts over this drawing actually and i gave up hard on nenes dress i just wanted to be done.. love how emus looks..#wait i actually can be insane in the tags THE WXS WORLDLINK SONG SJHDDYDJKYMY TGYAYDHUA!!! HAGSGYAAH!!!!! GY6;$;$;$;$;$ WHEHEHEHEHEH#WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH. Its so good please help. Wxs tetrad that illuminates the world save me.#why does the 2dmv have all of them under a WEDDING AROOOR WHY IS THERE A WEDDING BELL. CONGRATS ON POLYSHO MARRIAGE. HWATEVVRR!!!!!#wonderlands x showtime killing me taking damage augh Auughg akk akcghj
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up late bc i keep thinking ab adlerbell and how bell is this vehicle of and for adler’s pain…….. like literally in the sense that all of bell’s memories and trauma of vietnam is imprinted onto them by adler, but also based on adler’s own memories of vietnam, how bell’s trauma and pain isn’t only theirs but adler’s too- that the two are not bound by the false camaraderie bell believes they share but instead bound by suffering, borne of adler’s. bell’s pain IS HIS pain.
and like,, does he know what bell dreams about when they wake screaming in the middle of the night?? does he share those same dreams too?? does he ever listen to bell talk about vietnam and feel, in a way nobody else possibly can, understood?? or does he feel angry, that they carry his trauma and his pain as though it were their own?? or envious, that the pain they feel isn’t even real, and that they were, for a time, spared of the horrors he endured?? or does he feel some sick satisfaction in knowing that the pain they feel is his?? that his enemy feels what he feels?? that they are bound and locked together, nearly sanctified in joint suffering??
does he care?? does he care????? i need to sit down,,,,,
#canon: he doesn’t care#headcanon: if he feels nice he might cradle bell to sleep the way he wished he was when the night terrors came#and maybe ask bell to recount the dream both as a covert memory exercise#but also to validate some traumatised part of himself he refuses to acknowledge#played bo6 twice and yet cw adlerbell still rotates in my mind#the ship ever actually#i also have more thoughts ab lamb to the slaughter bell but i need to sleep#sighs#hope all 5 adlerbell enjoyers here like this one or whatever#someone pls brainrot w me before i implode#adlerbell#adler x bell#russell adler x bell#cod bell#cod cw bell#cod#cod cw#cod cold war#call of duty cold war#cod bocw#call of duty black ops#call of duty black ops cold war#adbell#adlerbell thoughts
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*me immediately after going through a terrifying and traumatic experience* haha yeah I guess it was rough but I'm fine now like I'm totally chill. It was kinda funny actually if you think about it
#GUESS WHO GOT A PIERCING INFECTION SO BAD OVERNIGHT SHE HAD TO RUSH TO THE HOSPITAL#AND GET SURGERY TO REMOVE IT BC THE METAL WAS BURROWING ITSELF INSIDE HER LIP#yep that was meee :3#man. it sounds so silly now. like that probably shouldn't have made me panic nearly as much as it did#but you have to understand at the time it was terrifying#I noticed my lip was a bit swollen earlier in the night but I was like ok it's probably nothing serious#I put some ice on it hoping it would be back to normal after I got some sleep#then I woke up at like 5:30 AM with my lip super swollen and my lip piercing literally burying itself inside my flesh#I tried pushing it back out a bit and blood and pus started coming out so yk I started panicking#so I went upstairs and I asked my mom to drive me to the hospital#luckily we have free healthcare in brazil and the hospital was basically empty(this was on sunday)#but when I got there they told me the doctor wouldn't arrive until 8AM and it was like 6:45 at that point#so I REALLY started panicking 🫠 bc I could feel like the piercing kept burying itself more deeply like#I felt like the skin inside my lip was going to close around it and I was terrified bc I had no idea what to do#and I was scared it might make things worse#but all I could do was sit there and wait and so I started having a panic attack#luckily my mom was there with me the whole time so at least I didn't feel alone#and then I just. waited for it to end. and then tried to keep myself distracted until the doctor got there#I got treated by military doctors! sjdjcjck the army has been giving additional support for hospitals in my city#bc of the floods some health units are currently closed and demand got higher so they needed extra support there#so an army doctor performed my surgery(inside an army tent no less ajfjjfkf maybe not ideal but. functional)#he was so nice?? like probably the calmest most careful doctor I've ever been treated by#I still had a bit of a nervous breakdown again after the surgery but that was bc I'd never been through something like that before#I got anesthesia obvs but I still felt the tug when he cut into my skin to remove the piercing and did my stitches#so my mind started cooking up all these horrible scenarios of how everything could go wrong and I was gonna die#cried on the doctor's table. 👍🏻 awesome#but he and his assistant were super nice about it she even offered me a hug#but anyway in the end I finally calmed down and got some medication#now I'm all stitched up with my little bloated lip eating soup out of a straw 👍🏻 but I'm ALIVE and I'm just glad it's all over fjjvjkf#sleep.txt
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jus rememberd abt this and. the way i used to draw cad in 2020 vs now in 2023 is funny to me idk why
#i got silley#and he entered girl era#kiddo say#im happy with the silly inky way im drawing. its more fun and less awkward because its looser eanyway#maybe i should redraw that aeor portrait but style now . that could be fun#got reminded abt this lol#also guess i like chatting on here bc still winding down from today. phew . need to get more sleep but its hard when#youre taking care of yourself entirely. like man everything needs done all the time everyday#i need to wash face + brush my teeth. someone yell at me to
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The cape wrapping was too much for me I have to leave
#silver sending stones#cr spoilers#cr 3 e 108#orym of the air ashari#dorian storm#he probably watched the loom and was like “this is what i signed up for. forever.”#dorym#i do not know how to feel#because this came at the end of such a harsh moment from orym?#he killed fearnes dad which will eat him alive for the rest of his life#he just yelled at everyone because theyre still not understanding that the gods leaving is not going to leave exandria as it was.#he is literally so spent.#hes so tired#and so guilty#(oh i have to update my list of things orym blames hinself for)#and as hes yelling. as hes pleading with his friends to see the calamity that will happen if the gods are gone.#he floats over to dorian.#arguably his biggest opposition#and when hes done. when hes tired himself out. he leans on dorian.#he leans on dorian probably with no expectations of reciprocation. he just. needs dorian in that moment.#and dorian. who has been fighting to get rid of the gods since they took opal and killed hia brother. who wants them gone more than anything#wraps orym in his cloak. a protective wing around him. a warm. same place for him to lean. to rest. even running his hands through his hair.#they have been fighting since dorian came back. theyve been on the opposite sides of each discussion. each argument. and yet#orym still finds comfort in dorian. and dorians still affectionate towards orym.#id like to believe they slept in the same bed that night. after weeks of... finding reasons not to.#theyre clean and newly dry and slightly cold and maybe Orym finds a bed and curls up alone because fearne isnt there. but she hasnt been#for a while. and he doesnt take up the whole bed. he cant. but he doesnt expect someone to join him.#and then when the lights are off and the crickets are chirping and the faint screaming of a new bush to lull him to sleep. his door opens.#he doesnt get up because he knows hes safe in the manor. despite how scary it is. hes fearnes friend and has a deal with nana.#so he doesnt move. he feels cool. soft skin on his back and arms wrapping around him. to protect him. to comfort him
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these are A BIT OLD but uhhh here check out these aggio doodles i did forever ago. still VERY happy w my colors :3
#this was back in uhhhh jan 2023!! hot dog!! and its still perfeclty good to eat!#i think kian and chip would get along. they could talk about feelings. kian could give chip the therapy he needs. maybe kiss? who said that#jay and rand could also get along i think. smoke buddies. cigarette fans. i bet they could play dnd together. or build a contraption togeth#also WAUHG the way i colored in kira here is SO PERFECT.. SHES SO SPARKLY N PRETTY. ALSO THAT HOOORNN i remember bleeding for that#shading is HARD lighting is HARD drawing a crazy unicorn is HARD but SOOOO WORTH IT I SITLL LOVE HOW IT LOOKES.....#waht else is there. oh yes the prime defender doodles#i love mark so much.... i miss being crazy and strange abt mark winters... i need to draw him killing more people someday#anyway i gotta go to bed soon to keep my sleep schedul on track but I DONT WAANNA!!!! recently relistened to bitb. that might release spore#im also chippin away at that am i in heaven animatic between workin on commissions. I GOT RLY FAR!! i think that i could finish it within#like. 3 or 4 more inspo waves. it wont be unfinished forevcer..... its so close... just 4 more full scenes to rly fleshh out#so basically another 2 years. YEAH BABy. in the meantime i have a backlog of things i can poast. i got plenty o drawings and doodles to sha#alrigh thats all the ramblin im gonna do for now. sleep well everyone hope shool or work goes easy on u in the coming week
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Borne out of some sort of chaotic energy, the dragonfly/sunflower quilt top is complete!
#now i gotta decide how to quilt it...#maybe I'll post in that quiltblr community later to ask opinions? still gotta figure out how those things work#anyways i have mixed feelings on it even now.. i think i might've liked a different flower fabric more? like lilacs or something#or even strawberries! that could've been cool#I usually plan more is the problem but I needed to do something with my hands...#got through a summer slump and it's pretty good! it's cool it's cozy#i got space backing fabric for it and it'll fit my bed!#so that's good lol my partner might stop dragging all my blankets onto him when he sleeps over#quilting#my projects
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yu junghyeok and prince cedric have like practically the same design (+v similar personality) but listen the Vibes they have r diff... idk if this makes sense but u know charas w tired dilf energy... YJH has that but not cedric.. hes like a baby.. the way I describe it is YJH is babygirl but cedric is just my baby🫂🔥🔥🔥*gets incinerated* SKJDJ idk if it's noticeable at all but I try to capture diff vibes when I draw them....
when i draw cedric i try to go full shoujo... he is a romance novel male lead... sparkly eyes bright colors 90s anime blush... goes full squish mode when drawing him chibi MFNSKJ🤭
but when i draw yjh im like... no i have to convey the Angst and Depression.... *gives him dark circles and takes the light from his eyes*😇🖤
idk if it's noticeable but I also try to differentiate their designs in subtle ways (besides eye color etc),,, I give them diff eyebrow shapes!! I like YJH with triangle brows(thicker at the ends) and cedric w tapered brows(thicker toward the middle) like the webtoon... I also try to make cedric's hair a bit curlier than YJH🥹
#cedric riester#yoo joonghyuk#yu junghyeok#TWSB#orv#re: i have to convey the Angst and Depression.... *gives him dark circles and takes the light from his eyes*#<-- this is also my approach to drawing dark choco cookie KJDKSSJ#not that cedric isnt also angsty and depressed but... he hasnt been thru the Time Loops™️😔#and besides... he has his own emotional support prince jesse(yeseo)😇#to help him sleep better at night... whens the last time yjh had a good nights sleep... he was a gamer before this too🤧#yjh may be my pookie but the sheer weight of his chara holds me back from woobifying him completely...#maybe one day tho KJFKSJ#i think those squishy black eyed chibis r just as cute tho🤭#Still need to draw both of them more...#yjh is my bias btwn them but cedric is more fun to draw for me smfbdm at least rn#AND ITS BC OF THESE REASONS!!! LIKE I GET to go full shoujo and squishy blorbo w ced#and sparkly and blushy#but i cant do that w yjh it'd be too jarring skfjsndb#THEYRE BOTH EQUALLY CUTE TO ME BTW... but since i love both... i dont want to draw them exactly the same...#and like i said it'd clash tonally too much if i drew him like a romance novel male lead (even tho hes just as handsome as one)#I NEED TO READ THE ORV NOVEL#btw for me yjh owns this archetype... the yjh archetype... 🤧#but cedric is a cute variation bc of his orange eyes and curlier hair... 🤭 his fanta eyes make him stand out#from the other yjh wannabes (shoving jumin han into a locker) im jk#me @ every chara who looks like him: 🫵u will never be YJH /j#/jjjjj#ced is the exception... i immediately liked him BC he reminded me of yjh... there r enough fun diffs too#what on earth compelled me to ramble this much#my art
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#gnnn ^_^#reblog locked bc its wip#a doodley#i need to get better at that rib flare#also i dont think his face is super accurate here but im jst messin around and also i hate i felt i had to clarify that ykwim#like who caresss if he's Off im still learning to draw (him) and one drawing doesnt define me or him etc but idk. idk! idk#ill get better...#thje funny thing about this doodle is im freaking out bc my wrist hurts a bit and i was struggling to draw ppl again#after a few days of Blobbish Furs#so forced self to churn this out before sleeps like oh ok maybe it is just the pain thats affecting me (wrist now hurts a bit more)#ever since that one those feratu doodle ive been trying to give him more like. sinking sagging jowls (?)#as contrast to the bone landmark of his chin#i also have to give him more neck fat/loose skin there ykwim#but also have to learn to draw necks. lol.#ok ill fix dis later im so tired
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👍
#i went to sleep at 3am and its 6am now bc i criedmyself to sleep 👍👍#sorry to ventdump my annoying insecurities again#i cant bring myself to do something i really want anymore#been having these thoughts since last year but this year its a lot more apparent#ideas are not scarce but the motivation/time to execute them are#i wish i could take an indefinite break on taking commissions bc by the time im finished with all of them im too burnt out/1#to draw for my blog and by the time it passes my motivation for these ideas also vanishes/2#I cant actually stop now bc im still an unpaid internee working for experience+portfolio so I need the money#I feel like shit whenever i can't get art done at the appropriate timing (ex: thematic holiday/character bday/event etc)#everything passes too fast and its already too late and the hype dies#its so hard to stay relevant and charismatic enough#Looking back I can't say im 100% satisfied with ANY art i posted this year#“was it worthy? is it still relevant? did I waste my time doing this?”#im too overly emotional over this (unfortunately) popular fictional lion beastman#“I want to yume/draw him more often/talk more about him!”#why? hes already popular enough. He has louder and more popular users who do that for him. nobody would care if it's you.#you'd get a swarm of hate. nobody would send you nice asks about it.#you don't get nearly half of the asks you used to receive back then. people just aren't interested in you anymore.#maybe you should delete your blog and start drawing trendy doodles of whatever is being hyped up at the moment.#.#if I can't execute original ideas what's the point of it?#I hate HATE having to do trendy art of whatever unfunny meme is being hyped up at the moment#but sometimes its necessary for the algorithm to boost you and to get some actual crumbs of engagement and new followers#what else can I do? being interesting on your own or having an interesting oc is no easy feat. I envy those who manage.
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... why he sit like this
#in this position his face is extremely 'cartoon cat' shaped.. like the perfectly round cheeks and little#rounded bump of a snout.. big round eyes. etc. stretched over the arm of a chair like a weirdo#cats#It's still Hot Evil Summer time and I have so much to do so am just aimlessly hopping between various projects but not actually#getting anything done. as usual. Also so so so so tired. I almost fell asleep in the middle of the floor like 3 times today lol#Trying to finish some costume photos and also another poll adventure thing. plus I do really want to do a sculpture sometime#I haven't finished one in a while. Hopefully my tiredness is nothing bad.#Maybe I'm anemic again so that's making me tired. Or maybe it's just a Listless phase. not that I'm ever really THAT productive considering#all of the health problems and etc. always holding me back. but still. I'm not usually 'sleep or just stare at a wall literally all day' ty#e unproductive.. at least not for multiple days in a row so. hmm... Sometimes especially in the summer though I will have periods of time#that are listless like that. I am under low level phyiscal stress for months at a time due to summer heat so I guess it makes sense#that would eventually take a toll. I just have SO MANY THINGS I WANT TO DO!!!!! AAUUGhhh#I also came up with a new idea for a game that is so so cool and I wish I could make it but I have to finish the other one first lol#which I will NEVER do. if I spend all day just sleepy unfocused barely able to do anything#I also really need to sell some clothes and sculptures because I'll probably have to buy a new computer soon so I need money. (plus still#recovering the costs of having to euthanize my other cat.. wehh) There's nothing clearly wrong with it right now but it's getting gradually#slower and there's more weird glitches happening randomly and idk.. just weird things that make me think 'hmm... bad.. possibly.'#ANYWAY... I just have so much to do that I both REALLY want or need to do - so it's perpetually frustrating that I just can't for whatever#reason like. Time is always mving forward. every day I waste is a wasted day. The year is already almost half over. I havent finished#any of the projects I wanted to .. and there's only more and more things to do each day. It's overwhelming and stinky#and thats not even considering having to do all of my tasks also with the background noise of economic inequality. everything increasingly#going into an even scarier political direction. active climate change crisis. pandemic that still exists and is insane to act otherwise. et#etc. HOW am I supposed to solo make two whole games . write 3 book series. finish sculptures. do costumes. make outfits. game videos. make#stable network of social connections. do my little side crafts. take care of myself and cats. pay rent. manage health issues. keep a routin#.try to make some sort of money. go to doctors appointments. handle regular maintenance like cleaning and cooking and self care#and buying new plates when old ones break or etc. make sure to do other things like backup my computer data regularly. do shopping lists.#take care of plants. pursue like 6 different academic interests. do the other side side projects I have for fun (like music or carving avoc#ado pits). eat in a healthy way thats okay for my Special Health Issue diet. exercise so i don't die early. etc. etc. etc. AND all while it#82F in my apartment all the time and I have tiny income and also need to move to another country/climate somehow??? lol......#ANYWAY.. ..very frustrated today over my chronic Tired Sleepy.. time for Cat Photos - which cure all of life's ailments lol
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It still kinda hurts when you try to engage in a conversation that actually interests you/have some semblance of experience or knowledge in, and it just feels like you're alone in your enthusiasm.
#shutting up forever. sorry to bother you. didnt mean to come off overbearing. wont talk about it again.#i know these feelings are just total self consciousness taking over but its still draining.. hard to not feel disappointed for trying >_>#maybe i need more sleep
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Thank u God. Today is a better day so far.
Also please pray for me. I got laid off from my job, and my old boss is trying to recommend me to a new one, but I don’t know the new people or have their contact info. Please pray someone gets back to me soon and I don’t stay out of work for too long, and that my new job won’t burn me out too badly.
#blue chatter#I might be able to actually get smth done today#I rested LOTS yesterday#and going to DND helped#I think I need some more social time with friends to help with the Encroaching Sadness Void#while still giving myself time to rest and sleep#bc I’m constantly tired#but I’m doing laundry which is a lot of work for me rn#so everyone be proud of me#mayb I’ll ask Lemony to do a productivity call with me tonight#I know I don’t have to finish my methods section bc I got an extension#but I still want to get as much done as I can#and I still have research methods to work on#I have neuroscience coloring to do by tomorrow morning#and I have ASL tomorrow and I missed ASL yesterday so I need to catch up on that as well#Blegh#taking half a day off sure causes a lot of homework#but I am getting laundry done!
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