#someone pls brainrot w me before i implode

[altcvnningham]

up late bc i keep thinking ab adlerbell and how bell is this vehicle of and for adler’s pain…….. like literally in the sense that all of bell’s memories and trauma of vietnam is imprinted onto them by adler, but also based on adler’s own memories of vietnam, how bell’s trauma and pain isn’t only theirs but adler’s too- that the two are not bound by the false camaraderie bell believes they share but instead bound by suffering, borne of adler’s. bell’s pain IS HIS pain.

and like,, does he know what bell dreams about when they wake screaming in the middle of the night?? does he share those same dreams too?? does he ever listen to bell talk about vietnam and feel, in a way nobody else possibly can, understood?? or does he feel angry, that they carry his trauma and his pain as though it were their own?? or envious, that the pain they feel isn’t even real, and that they were, for a time, spared of the horrors he endured?? or does he feel some sick satisfaction in knowing that the pain they feel is his?? that his enemy feels what he feels?? that they are bound and locked together, nearly sanctified in joint suffering??

does he care?? does he care????? i need to sit down,,,,,