#maybe i should actually get help
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perhaps the most important question i’ve ever asked:
does anyone have tips for people trying to stop being chronically late to everything in the world that aren’t weirdly judgmental and aggressive or flat out lies
#when i tell you every single resource i’ve ever found or tried to get through or anyone i’ve ever asked#has been just so. mean about it#not even intentionally#not always at least#but there’s so much inherent shame tied to being late to things or being a person who used to be late to things#that i don’t think people can untie that from their ‘helpful tips’#it’s all ‘i used to also be a lazy uncaring piece of shit! you don’t have to be a horrible wretched loser anymore!’ and it’s like. okay.#you see how that’s not helping. right.#making me feel worse about it is NEVER helpful. i promise you i already have tortured myself over it FARRR more than any ‘on time’ person#ever had#this has been a comic i’ve been stewing on for ages as well but. well there’s of course the shame#idk it’s something that people are always despicably mean about bc fundamentally people who have never struggled with it#see it as a personal choice to be late#and as something one needs to just ‘try harder’ to fix. and that if you don’t#you inherently don’t care about other people’s time or even other people in general#and that feels horrible! it feels really bad!!#i mean i’ve got it from EVERYONE. disability allies. other adhd folks. disability resource offices#it’s something that nobody ever cares to acknowledge or try to accommodate for#bc time blindness and exec dysfunction are NEVER taken seriously as disabilities. they’re always always viewed as a personal failing#and i’m sick and tired of it. bc all this does is make people struggling with this Hate themselves#and worry endlessly that maybe they Are selfish and actually Don’t care about anyone else#there’s a bit too much here to keep in the tags i should really do the comic for adhd awareness month
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companionship and understanding happy pride from my beloveds!!
open for better quality | no reposts
#kaveh#alhaitham#kavetham#genshin impact#fanart#myart#doodle#at first i was like 'i hope yall don't get tired of me posting so often' and then i remembered this other artist whose art i enjoy-#and they post often too but i love having so much of their art to scroll through so. i'm not worried anymore hahaha#i actually struggled so much w/ the composition here!! but i let it sit for a day and came back to change the frame and now it's fine#and i know i've drawn angst before but when i draw smth like this i always make it a point to depict a kaveh that is exuding happiness#it can be hard to accept yourself and your identity and at least in these pieces i want kaveh to be proof of queer joy#or more specifically. aromantic joy#bc sometimes it can be hard to believe it exists but maybe seeing it can help you believe it's out there#i also don't think i've ever went into detail about my kaveh and why i hc him as arospec? maybe i should do that sometime
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So long as the political and economic system remains intact, voter enfranchisement, though perhaps resisted by overt white supremacists, is still welcomed so long as nothing about the overall political arrangement fundamentally changes. The facade of political equality can occur under violent occupation, but liberation cannot be found in the occupier’s ballot box. In the context of settler colonialism voting is the “civic duty” of maintaining our own oppression. It is intrinsically bound to a strategy of extinguishing our cultural identities and autonomy.
[...]
Since we cannot expect those selected to rule in this system to make decisions that benefit our lands and peoples, we have to do it ourselves. Direct action, or the unmediated expression of individual or collective desire, has always been the most effective means by which we change the conditions of our communities. What do we get out of voting that we cannot directly provide for ourselves and our people? What ways can we organize and make decisions that are in harmony with our diverse lifeways? What ways can the immense amount of material resources and energy focused on persuading people to vote be redirected into services and support that we actually need? What ways can we direct our energy, individually and collectively, into efforts that have immediate impact in our lives and the lives of those around us? This is not only a moral but a practical position and so we embrace our contradictions. We’re not rallying for a perfect prescription for “decolonization” or a multitude of Indigenous Nationalisms, but for a great undoing of the settler colonial project that comprises the United States of America so that we may restore healthy and just relations with Mother Earth and all her beings. Our tendency is towards autonomous anti-colonial struggles that intervene and attack the critical infrastructure that the U.S. and its institutions rest on. Interestingly enough, these are the areas of our homelands under greatest threat by resource colonialism. This is where the system is most prone to rupture, it’s the fragility of colonial power. Our enemies are only as powerful as the infrastructure that sustains them. The brutal result of forced assimilation is that we know our enemies better than they know themselves. What strategies and actions can we devise to make it impossible for this system to govern on stolen land? We aren’t advocating for a state-based solution, redwashed European politic, or some other colonial fantasy of “utopia.” In our rejection of the abstraction of settler colonialism, we don’t aim to seize colonial state power but to abolish it. We seek nothing but total liberation.
Voting Is Not Harm Reduction - An Indigenous Perspective
#indigenous action#2024 elections#voting#on one hand i think if one opponent is a mask off fascist white people have an obligation to vote against them As The Least We Can Do#but if that's all we're doing? that and bullying other people who see a futility in participating in a colonial institution of 'democracy'?#sorry but um. shut the fuck up#if we spent half as much energy on direct action to support each other in ways that help people REGARDLESS of who wins what election#as we did on yelling at Other Leftists about voting i think we would get a hell of a lot more actual shit done#and sure as hell help more actual real life people who we claim to be helping by yelling at other people to vote#i'm talking to me here like#our current blue harm reduction candidate actively supporting a genocide should make you feel like maybe this shit doesn't fucking work#because it doesn't <3#harm reduction as the least we can do needs to be a call to action via vote AND actual action or it's not a call to anything at all#the least we can do needs to be motivating AND convicting#it's the least we can do so fucking do it. it's the least we can do so if that's All you do sit the hell down or stand the fuck up#for people who the status quo serves it needs to be the ballot AND the bullet or our ballot means fuck all for real liberation
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I just skimmed through the art part of your blog and holy bajeebus your LMK art is so beautiful and the headcanon ideas you come up with are so good I wanna steal em-
Kinda wanna see like a part 2 of the little angst you did between MK and Macaque a while ago. It's so interesting and I wanna see Macaque's reaction in your art style. (You don't have to of course, it's just a suggestion [idk if i spelled that right])
Thanks for reading and hope you have a good day/night!
Hope this is to your liking ^^
Part one here
#I’m sure there are some character nuances im forgetting but well 🤷🏽#I want their misunderstanding or whatever they have going on between then come to a head. literally just going ‘wait what’#for me I think it’s entirely possible that there was an actual fight and maybe tension leading up to that point#cause I feel like macaque is not just bitter about thinking he died to wukong but maybe some stuff that built up to that#maybe the fight was just the breaking point. maybe they’re idiots who don’t talk about it because they think they’re on the same page idk#chipper-smol wrote a cool theory abt them using macaques ‘you’re nothing’ line in s4ep1. from what I understand it could be a direct parall#parallel to when he said that to MK right before MK regained his nerve and hit macaque in the eye.. since flying bark foreshadowed monkey mk#waaaay back in season 1 (where his shadow is his monkey form in the opening) i think that could be deliberate#and they could have gotten billy to voice an entirely different line for that scene. but they reused his line from s3#in a very specific scene with wukongs narrative foil. hm#that aside I would have liked to hear billy voice the ‘you abandoned me’ line that would have killed me. but that’s just me lol#also looking at this I should have shaded the last frame to make it look more dramatic and serious but I ran out of time :(#if anything I want to see MK try and help them get back together. poor kid tries so hard to understand people so I think it would be cool to#see that happen. that’s what I like about him.. he asked macaque why he was working for LBD instead of accusing him of dooming everyone bc#he wants to and he tried to comfort spider queen by admitting he was scared of LBD too 😭😭#my art#myart#Lego Monkie kid#lmk#Monkie kid#lmk spoilers#Lego Monkie kid spoilers#lmk macaque#six eared macaque#lmk sun wukong#lmk swk#lmk MK#lmk xiaotian#lmk season 4#Lego Monkie kid s4
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I was rewatching mouthwashing, and I ended up thinking of the different reactions that Curly and Jimmy had in doing their tasks. How during the scene of Anya evaluating Jimmy and showing dread towards the idea of doing his evaluation, Curly was the one that offered to take it off her hands. He had no issue with adding more to his plate, because he knew - or well, thought, he knew that Jimmy wasn't going to "bullshit" with him since he's known him for a long time. When Anya hands Curly a note from Swansea, Curly goes to check out what the issue is and he takes care of it without a complaint, the only "complaint" he has is how this incident could have damaged the pods. Which is reasonable, those pods are their only way to be saved if anything tragic happens on the ship. However, in comparison to Jimmy being asked to do things, he's passive-aggressive about it. When Anya asks Jimmy if he could help her out with Curly's painkillers, he tells her that people should be worth their titles, specifically using her title as a nurse when she asked him for help and then when she says forget it, since he made her feel insecure, he still goes "Oh no, I'LL take care of it" as if he was doing a chore, a favor for her. Then, there's that part where he blows up at her for things that she didn't even ask him to do - more so the others asked him about it, like the code scanner, him deciding he needed to find the axe for the foam, and then, there's the medicine part (which when she does ask, and she reconsiders - going to do it herself, he takes that away from her). Jimmy complains about the tasks he has to do and he treats it like a big issue, a "woes me" that he has to do this and that - wanting the praise of the capital without actually doing any work. While Curly doesn't complain about it, in fact, he even mentions that he's aware of how well he is doing at his job as a Captain during that cockpit scene with him and Jimmy. If Jimmy only had to do a small amount of tasks to get irritated and annoyed at being captain, while Curly didn't which I feel like encapsulates their personalities. Curly understands what he's doing is a job, it's a responsibility, why would he complain at any point for doing what he's suppose too? Why would he be upset at people asking him to do tasks? While Jimmy on the other hand, isn't used to it at all and it's different to what he's had before and he's realizing that he doesn't actually like doing the work he has too. I just wanted to ramble about it even if it seemed kind of obvious xd
It’s obvious but it is a thing people miss or understate when trying to find parallels in Curly’s and Jimmy’s relationship/personalities.
Like the way people portray it as neither taking responsibility when it is almost split down the middle of Curly taking responsibilities and faults that shouldn’t be his and making himself unequipped to handle the ones that are while Jimmy refuses to handle the responsibilities he has because he wasn’t expecting the work that comes with them.
Not a lot to say but people forget that another thing the game comments on is prioritization of issues and responsibilities and how the guys fail at it in one way or another in the situation.
#this talk of responsibility is more so about me be very annoyed with people acting like Swansea was the most responsible man on that ship#when he immediately takes a break after his intern in stuck in the foam starts drinking the moment he find out the mouthwash is alcoholic#doesn’t tell anyone about the cryopod or explain himself and did nothing about Jimmy either until it was too late#like I’m sorry but he is also the last guy I’d like to hear about responsibility from cause he did just as bad as Curly post crash like he#wasn’t even nice to Anya outside the one conversation we see he was actually just as rude to her as he was Daisuke when they cracked open#the crates and dismissive before hand like I’m getting more mad at the glorification of one guy vs the woman whose doing the most 4 herself#like I get his speech and the recognition of his faults but he still had them and they still were his downfall in the end and part of the#reason Daisuke listened to Jimmy and it’s not his fault that happened but it’s the same way it’s not Curly’s fault Jimmy is like that#but I digress cause people don’t exactly like when we actually discuss the responsibilities the crew mates should’ve and shouldn’t have had#or what they actually did to help cause idk Anya likely would not feel supported by any of them after the fact if they survived like girl#only ever got attention for her problems when they were literally at the worst that’s not helping or taking responsibility like she had to#kill herself to feel some sort of relief also the irony about Curly’s concern about killing herself only#for it to get to the point she actually did because there was no safety for her they all failed her#Swansea would’ve just told her to tell the captain and he’d watch Jimmy and ultimately it would play out the same cause he’s tries to not#get to involved cause he’s old and been through enough already and she’d feel just as unheard like he was closer to Daisuke#and not once after the crash did he really try to steer him away from liking Jimmy which again he points out himself#like I love Swansea and Daisuke but they were just as complacent in Anya’s suffering and Jimmy’s behavior even if they knew less that should#not make them more viable options or it more excusable like crazy conclusions to comes to ig on my part but yall hate#the idea that maybe a major point is that Anya was alone as a woman and overlooked#mouthwashing#ask#mouthwashing game#anon#curly mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing
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As much as I want Roy and Riza to spearhead the restoration of Ishval post-canon, I want Roy to be barred from going to Ishval to do the work himself even more.
Hear me out.
There is something incredibly selfish about Roy wanting to be the one to return the Holy Land to the Ishvalen people. It makes sense for him to strive for that goal - he feels personally responsible for the destruction of Ishval, he sees its restoration as part of his path towards becoming the Führer of Amestris, he considers it to be the rightful way to ease some of the guilt weighing him down.
It is also the easy way out.
Because if you think about it, Roy being the one to do all that, is not a narrative that centers the Ishvalen people. And I think they deserve to be the driving force behind their own salvation.
There is a reason General Armstrong doesn't try to take on the Ishvalen restoration at the end of the show - and it is not just that she has no personal investment in the matter. No, if anything, she entrusts it to Major Miles. She entrusts the future of the Ishvalen people with a man who shares their past.
(her blind trust into the military state be damned)
And who does Miles choose to help him rebuild what was once lost? Scar. He chooses the feared serial killer. The Savior of Amestris. The Scarred Monk. The One Who Killed A King. The Hand of God Striking Down a Monster.
He chooses someone who suffered through the Ishvalen genocide, who was raised not only in the culture, but was an active practitioner of the most common religion of the region.
These are the people who rebuild Ishval for the future.
I think Roy would only ever do it to escape the past.
And if we're being honest, I don't think anyone in Ishval would greet him with open arms. These people might hold a great ability to forgive within their hearts, but I think many of them would consider it an insult to let the man who burned down their cities back into Ishval to become their savior.
To become the public face of the restoration of their Holy Land.
And being denied the ability to spearhead this campaign, it would hit Roy hard. Because in a way, hard labor and the arid desert air, would have felt like a just punishment. Being hollered at by the survivors of the genocide he participated in would have felt good. Getting blisters and sunburns and swallow down his own spit... pain was always a sign of hard work. Of doing the right thing.
But forcing him to stay in Central? To pull the ropes behind the scenes? To be denied this public repentance? To be kept from the most straight-forward way of repaying his sins?
The restoration of Ishval was never the end-goal, and it is just one part of a long list of things both Roy and Riza want to fix before facing a trial, but I think Roy hoped he could pay for that in blood. Cut-up knees and burned hands, dry throats and countless hours spent digging up wells.
But facing up to what he's done isn't that easy - and the people of Ishval deserve to live a life free from Roy Mustang and his damned flames.
#roy mustang#riza hawkeye#olivier mira armstrong#major miles#scar#fma#fmab#fma brotherhood#fullmetal alchemist brotherhood#fma meta#my stuff#headcanon#really#i just dont think Roy should GET to lead the restoration of Ishval#he wants to#and it should happen#(Amestris has a lot of reparations to pay)#but denying him the satisfaction of being allowed to play hero#is what it's all about actually#i think the ishvalen people deserve to be free of this guy#and i think Roy deserves to grapple with Ishval in a way#that makes it impossible for him to 'just help'#instead being forced onto the sidelines#and into military offices and ball rooms#to get money and support for ishval#without ever being allowed to reap the flowers of his work#because he is fueled by his past#and Ishval deserves the future#(it also deserves better than major miles if we're being honest)#(but maybe Scar can radicalize him somewhat)
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On one hand I'm kinda sad we never got to see the 17 & 18 fusion '35' they teased at a few times, because yeah they're already good at fighting in unison and would be perfect fusion candidates
But on the other hand I feel like their fusion would have twice the apathy they individually have, and just be like 'well I don't see why any of this is my problem' and not even help out xD
#*fuses into over-powered character and immediately takes a seat on the sidelines* is a hilarious concept and I kinda love it#Krillin has to ask them very nicely to help out and eventually they're just 'ugh fiiiiiiiiiiiine'#ALTERNATIVELY they don't give a fuck about the fight until Krillin gets hurt and then it's murder time#actually a really good way to limit an over-powered character's usability in battle just give them an 'and why should I care?' personality#dragon ball#dragon ball z#dragon ball super#dbz#dbs#17#18#35#maybe I'll doodle 35 one day#it's hard getting the right balance of features when merging characters though
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No asks today but as an apology here's the spam I doodled on my to-do list. Goodnight.
#Actually helped me drink more water believe it or not#id glance over and be like “oh yeah i have to do that huh”#maybe i should just start doing that to remember things lmao#He's pointing at my tasks but youre not gonna get to see those. nuh-uh. :fingerwag: /j#so fucking lame i didnt get to work on the asks today... i was planning it out too i was so excited... wtf.... 😭😭#hes so shaped i love him#goodnight ACTUALLY for real now#spamton
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oh boy !! ! ! ! !!! ! thANK y0u all for the kind words on my last art posts. you all get it and i was/still am so happy about it
as promised, here's some close-ups of the comic for image quality's sake, and other screenshots i rescued from the community whiteboard (and something else)
first up another sketch of mystery gender-ambiguous being. (please send me more name ideas for them if you got one- i like to hear em! (reminder it's the side character that appeared for <10 seconds in AvM Ep. 30))
a few fav scenes
emotional support cwab
they weren't meant for this purpose exactly, but i do have countless "fluffy sticks" loose in my notes and homework sheets from the school years.
papery critter.
even when i wasn't confident in fur or feathers, they helped me practice posing and create some satisfying gradients/flowing poses. (im a sucker for good tail poses) (oh yay! i found a good pic...)
and finally, little sneak peak for you for reading so far ;3
i realized that whiteboardfox is pretty great for my working needs. simple and to the point and all. feels nice with the mouse and the tablet.
so i started hashing out a big project idea just to see if it holds up and
[
several hours later ...
]
oh
oh man
it's a little bigger than i expected
<next>
#--/ art#alan becker#animator vs animation#animation vs minecraft#Minecraft bed#ava the dark lord#ava the chosen one#me when the project that obviously wasn't going to be done in one night isn't done in one night: D: !?!?!?!?#kudos to whoever routed the Speedrun actual short because that one is so fun and clean and savvy#clever made up time-savers? includes orange's TNT shield-jump?? nonlethal dragon dispatch??? sweet#ithink you can see where i tried to head with this#turns out that turning up the complexity 98 notches higher makes things trickier to parse hmmmmmm?#in fact i might need some help with this one ;>v>' like a lot.#i had a bit of a story and route set up already i just... wanted to make sure everything was at least kinda there...................#we'll see#the pie joke. i was trying to categorize which foodstuffs chosen should be able to make on the fly. with their flame hands.#ex. cooking meats makes sense because flint and steel works for the same purpose (you can kill a burning animal to get cooked meats)#but baking bread or drying kelp seems way more involved or whatever -> needs a proper furnace environment#HOWEVER... i noticed that Steve can just summon pumpkin pies from his bare hands if he wants to without even a workbench. so. sure! lol.#this is scraping the surface of the minutiae i want to consider#(ALSO KUDOS to everyone who RUNS/works on all-advancements. of course. riding on your shoulders here)#final joke is that chosen didn't know how crazy this undertaking would be to learn#but dark is very literally programmable. so you could maybe just plug some TAS instructions into him and off he goes#or even more open-ended than that just give him the list of advancements + stipulations + the wiki and similar result#it'd get done but. i dont think he'd find that fun at all. prefers to write his own instructions if you see what i mean#i might be forgetting some context. it is rather late you see. please ask me questions about this! ;P#tco aa
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day 7 of torikasa week is future! what will they do after graduation?
#torikasa#enstars#ensemble stars#tori himemiya#tsukasa suou#art tag#torikasa week 2024#i fear im tagging it slightly differently every day#the first page is actually from may hsldkjfhlsjfds#and you can kinda tell because that was the height of my ''they should be in different continents.'' era#promessa fixed me later#but i still entertain this thought often....#after this tsukasa says something dismissive and hurtful and tori gets angry because he was actually excited to share this!#why can't you be happy for me!#but tsukasa can't be happy. because it means he can no longer be by tori's side. then realization. then ooook a lot to unpack there#then maybe he offers to help tori with english#he doesn't want to cut off his wings after all!!!!!!!!!1#then maybe and only maybe he ends up going along with tori despite everything#since this is more like a self-imposed distance in the end#tho if we're being real since this is enstars tori would end up going back to japan like twice a month izumi-style#this writes itself. im not drawing it rn but it does#i think both separation and going abroad together is good#terrible roommates at college sounds so fun............. that should definitely happen in canon my favorite business majors#comic#nearly forgot that one
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Anthony doesn't get enough flack from this fandom if I'm being honest, like most of it is pushed onto other female characters while he gets the "he was struggling," excuse. And while he was struggling, there's definitely validity to that, he also should not have his actions (eg. playing with Kate's feelings, putting her and Edwina in a difficult situation, etc) excused because of that.
#anthony bridgerton#kate sharma#edwina sharma#and this is coming from someone who does ship kathony but it gets on my nerves how some in the fandom will ignore what he put kate through#like there's always that skip to the hea (after villainizng edwina & mary) but never taking into account how ant put kate's honor at risk#played with her feelings (nearly kissed her!) only to then propose to edwina (after brushing past her) right in front of her#told kate that he would imagine cheating on edwina with her (who says that? even if you're in love with someone that's still kind of fucked)#kept making her seem like she was wrong in front of her family#nearly ruined her sister's reputation#like i could go on!#and while i will defend anthony when the moment calls for it i also will call his ass out#he held power in that situation due to being a man and handled it so carelessly & put two women's reputations and lives on the line#even if he has a trauma and has a family that isn't the most helpful at times he still should have done better#fics that actually address his past treatment toward kate *chef's kiss* >>>#spectacular give me 14 of them right now#(is this a signaling of something im cooking up?....maybe so)#anti anthony bridgerton#?
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tged webtoon ep 171 spoilers and thoughts but i'm mostly just going "YAY I LIKED THIS MOMENT" and more below the cut
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DEMON KING LLOYD HELLO. HELLO?? WHAT. WHY?? BUT WOW. HOLY SHIT. I REALLY REALLY LIKE THIS
I LOVE WHEN CHARACTERS GAIN WINGS AND HORNS AND . GHGHHGHGHHG AAAHHH ITS MY FAVORITE THING if you didn't already know dragon lloyd was like one of my favorite all-time panels so this is VERY AWESOME FOR ME YAYYY YAAAAYYY HAHAHA
LIKE SERIOUSLY LOOK HE GOT FANGS N SHIT AND. OH MY GODD THE SMOKE SLIPPING PAST HIS LIPS IM SO??? THAT'S SO COOL. I LOVE WHEN THEY DO THAT WITH SMOKE AND MONSTROUS FORMS OF CHARACTERS
genuinely i need to draw this asap. pacing issues aside i am obsessed with how sick this is. i love this a LOT
ok ok back to the top bc theres some stuff i wanna touch on from before demon king lloyd got revealed! because...
"master lloyd taught us". "master lloyd taught us". "master lloyd taught us". "master lloyd taught us".
EXCUSE ME WHAT
YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT OFF SCREEN, LLOYD TOOK TIME OUT OF HIS BUSY ASS DAY. TO TEACH THE KIDS HOW TO PLAY SOCCER. AND THEY HAVE PLAYED ENOUGH TO BE FAMILIAR ENOUGH TO PLAY ON THEIR OWN. WHICH MEANS THAT LLOYD . PLAYED SOCCER WITH THEM . AND WE FIND THIS OUT. NOW?? I. GGHH. THATS SO. CUTE. IM GOING TO BITE HIM. THE FUCKER. WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME
the fact that they go up to ask him im going to EXPLODE?!?!?
he looks so nonchalant abt it here im cryinf
AND LOOK AT THEM GO THIS IS SO SO SWEET IM VERY GLAD LYRA GOT TO PLAY WITH THEM I LIKE THIS A LOT
this scene, and the beginning scene where the adults were just so casual with her and treating her as a living person with feelings and someone that they can talk to was so so heartwarming i oooghhh my heart
AND THEN THERE HE IS. SMILING IN THE BACK. YOU ASS.
I SEE YOU BEING KIND AND EMPATHETIC AND SELFLESS LLOYD. YOU LOST THE NONCHALANT WAR. YOU CAN'T ESCAPE
christ. i fucking HATE him /j /aff
it is also VERY silly that they're so casual abt. destruction like that HELPPP they got it from someone sob sob, though i imagine since most of the estate consists of people who have done construction it probably isnt that big of a deal when things get destroyed every now n then
and lyra looks so damn happy,,, god im so glad she had a good experience, she really needed one :')
also i completely LOST it when the kid got mad at lyra for not responding with a yes or no HELPPP JESUS CHRIST
again they,,, got it from someone HAHA though honestly i think it tracks. kids can be straightforwardly brutal in their language, especially when they don't really have biases or cares for who they are speaking to. as crazy as this instance looks (LMFAO) i think this fits well with the context of the straightforwardness of children and considering the person who they look up to at the estate. i think it was good for lyra to meet a human child her age who can speak straightforwardly and not skirt past things, if that makes sense? i hope it does!
AND THE DEMON KING TRANSFORMATION i already talked abt it above but i wanna point out this blue system box here
a power outside of the system?!?? what does this mean for the protagonist of the new prequel bk_moon is writing?? is the weather forecasting included in this???
my first assumption right now is that the demon king power is just an in-world power system while everything else (ie the weather forecasting) is external, blue-textbox system. maybe? so lloyd got the demon king power which comes with skills separate from the ones that the system can provide? that would explain why there's no indication of lloyd trying to use the weather forecasting, he probably can't use it,,,? except i dont know why artanis can use it in that case. most likely i am overthinking it LMFAO
semi-related, i am a little confused as to why artanis did this? i guess she really, really trusted him w this power? or maybe her weather forecasting noted that this would be something good to do i have no idea,,, it Does feel a bit sudden i won't lie, i'm not sure how earned this is
also javier and everyone else not reacting that much to the demon king status. SENT ME HAHA "... nothing's changed." LOL
deadpan humor never fails to make me giggle ily javier
also loved the moment where the two of them were bein serious for a sec,,, they've got a job to do they've got people to protect. lloyd will stop fate and javier will be right besides him...
i think showing them at emily's wedding really cements how much they really, REALLY need to fight fate now. the novel events happening is very very bad, but it feels like now that so many people, emily especially, have found THIS much happiness in their lives,,, failing to stop fate will hit even harder. i really like the analogy of a taut bow that the dragon king used when he first described it, bc it's really REALLY showing how much the repercussions will hit if they fail. im praying they succeed,,, please,,, i need a happy ending or i will curl up and turn into an actual shrimp irl.
and now the demons have to build the pantara railroad,,, artanis's expression omfg
she really didn't,,, know,,, she trusted him that much,,,, girl,,,
but it's ok. it'll be a net positive trust! that's how lloyd does things!!! and then soon we'll get the happy ending where we can get the eye of summer and beat up fate and then silly fun times YAYY <- probably copium
some other thoughts of note that i had with a dear mutual (hi sprout :3) about this ep:
we were talking about how the plot seems to be paced right now, and honestly i'm of the opinion that while yes its Technically moving, the way they're ending each ep in this current arc makes it feel like it's going both very slow and very fast, that is to say it feels like it's not moving at all
bc they're like "okay NOW we're gonna do the build project" and it's been like that for several episodes now. pieces are moving but we're going past the point of it all too fast (especially the whole demon king thing. mentioned this before but while cool, doesn't feel as earned simply bc we're both tackling each point and yet blowing past all the points, so it's a lot less satisfying than it should be (despite how awesome it is,,, oh lloyd you give me so much internal conflict </3))
it does make me a lil worried that they're gonna timeskip the hell out of the pantara railroad build. however this episode, although it still has a weird pacing/movement issue, does feel a little bit better than the last two imo, so i have hope that it'll turn out okay, that it'll start heading up! i'm actually really excited to see where they go with this and i'm sure that even if the pacing is still goofy i'll have some kind of fun with it (seriously the panels this ep were wonderful HAHA)
anyway that's all for this week! extremely excited for the next ep,,, ill see yall then,,, lets go pantara railroad arc!!!
#tged#the greatest estate developer#lynn misc#tged spoilers#the greatest estate designer#lloyd frontera#tged lloyd#i read this episode in the middle of my finals actually LMFAOOOOO#okay well not like during an exam or anything dont worry guys#but like definitely when i should have been working and studying. so.#it probably helped me i think demon king lloyd showing up gave me the dopamine i needed to actually get shit done and finish through friday#or was it serotonin? what's the happy chemical? i don't know i'm an engineer not a med student#on that note though I DID WELL ON MY FINALS! EVERYONE CHEER!#i'd like to thank lloyd frontera for being with me in my time of extremely extremely severe (that's two extremely's) “losing it” moments#it all ended up worth it. i passed a comp sci class with an A for the first time in several years#safe to say i'm very happy!#more posts to come now that i'm on break! i have SO MUCH TO SAY ABOUT THAT DAMN PREQUEL NOVEL. and also about alicia. very excited!#i'll see y'all then okay i'll post this shit now#(maybe i need to cool it on the “posting my secondary thoughts to tags” thing) (idek if anyone reads this) (OK POST)
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do you think the reason agatha’s trial felt weird is because she was the only one who did not actually buy into the mythos of the road since she knew the truth? like that was why no perspective change and all the other reasons why people thought it was a fake trial
#agatha all along#aaa spoilers#txt#i really liked the idea behind how the witches road came to be#like showing her and nicky coming up with the lyrics and everything#but i felt like there was a lot of these last two episodes that felt weird or jarring#i think that’s partly the fault of it being such a short run time for the whole show in general (tbh that’s probably like most of it)#but there were just also weird choices? idk#like jen’s big declaration about protecting them in honor of Lilia or w.e and then just.. flying off to nowhere??#or the way Both billy and agatha kept switching how they felt about each other with like every sentence#I did really like her thing where she helped him get tommy a body though#and her and rios vibes were off too. like it felt like there should have been a little more build up before they fought after the road?#like when they were still talking on the road it felt like they could have done more with it#just like jen getting her powers back could have been more#or billy standing up for agatha could have been more#billy’s homecoming and attempting to banish agatha too#I liked that his parents were there but it was so quick and then he just.. leaves again?? no problem?? and I guess they’re fine with it now#like it felt like the things they did well. they did really well#while everything else felt.. idk.. kinda flat?#which honestly was the same feeling I had after watching agatha’s trial episode#honestly this show need at least another 3 or 4 episodes if not more#and I know people are going to make this all about agatha and rio but i really don’t think that’s the issue#i do think the story could have benefited more from showing more of their actual backstory or a few more interactions with them or just#like i said earlier done more with what they had. again that scene on the road before rio dips could have been used way more effectively#and I don’t mean in like having them be soft or lovey like I know a lot of people wanted (never be against that) but I don’t think it was#needed.. but Something was??#i feel like overall what everyone went through on the road didn’t actually truly effect them or change them?#like jen left. agatha and rio were like back to liek the road never happened. everyone else but billy is dead#i think the only person who was truly changed was maybe billy?#which makes the whole journey feel so unsatisfying? like things could still have ended the same while still showing them changed? idk
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Fluent Freshman - Part 32
PREV
He had the first week back from Thanksgiving break off from both classes and practice.
The week off of classes leaves FF feeling like getting stabbed has been a net positive experience for him.
First he feels like it really cemented the apparent friendship he had with at least Andrew and Neil. Second, he technically had a job offer in his Freshman year. Third, and most important, his language professor who had wanted him to come and speak to his gen-ed Latin class of over 100 students told him not to worry about it and that he had gotten one of FF’s friends to agree to the presentation instead.
His relief was so immediate and all-consuming that he hadn’t even had the energy to pretend he was upset that he had been replaced. Thankfully his teacher just chalked it up to relief that he wouldn’t have to stand up and present when his stomach was healing from the surgery.
Coach Wymack and Abby wouldn’t even let him go to the Court. Kevin had tried to argue quite a few times on Sunday when that decision had been made. Argued that he could sit in and watch for strategy purposes if nothing else.
However, even Kevin couldn’t guarantee that FF wouldn’t get accidentally run into / knocked against considering his complete lack of presence.
Matt had rushed into Abby’s house having made a bee-line for it upon reaching the airport. “Smiths! You got stabbed!” Matt yelled as if informing him of his own predicament.
“Yeah.” FF agreed as if it were something that could have been debated.
“What happened?! Nicky just sent a pic of the flowers he got you and the card?” Matt had asked pulling his backpack off his shoulder and to his front as he unzipped it and rooted around for something before pulling out an orange envelope. “This is from me and Dan, you remember her right?” Matt had asked.
FF thought of quiet conversations he has overheard over the phone and not so quiet noises Matt makes when engaging in some phone sex with his girlfriend.
“Yes, I remember Dan.” FF had said diplomatically and accepted the card.
The card was sitting on the nightstand at Abby’s house next to the card the Monsters, his grandma, other teammates, and some cards from friends he had made outside of Exy. It feels nice to look at the multiple cards all wishing him well.
His Grandma was going to stay for two weeks and Abby was being incredibly kind to put them up
He spent most of that week sleeping, spending time with his grandma, getting yelled at by Abby for trying to do chores, and spending time with the Foxes that came to visit him.
Nicky had come over to hang out every day without fail. Most of the upperclassmen who were on the original ‘miracle’ team of the Foxes stopped in to see him regularly. Even Jack stopped in to complain about how Captain Neil presented a danger to the rest of them before giving him a Get Well Soon card and leaving.
It was a strangely thoughtful card that he’s near positive Jack’s girlfriend picked out for him. When the end of the week and the first game that FF would need to sit out from approached Coach Wymack asked if he wanted to come.
“You can’t play, but you’re still a Fox.” Wymack had said and his grandma had encouraged him to go and spend time with his friends. She’d hold down the fort for Abby, cook up a bunch of food for the the team to enjoy when they got back late.
So FF climbed onto the bus and sat next to Nicky who had declared himself FF’s bodyguard for the evening who’s safety he would only pass off to Coach Wymack during the game proper.
***
They’ve come so damn far from the worst team in the Division. His kids are thriving and because of that he’s gotten a larger budget. A larger budget to better help his kids with. David would be lying if he said he didn’t spend some nights wishing he could tell himself of a few years ago just how good it would get.
Still, the match is a lot closer than it should be.
He looks to his side and sees FF sitting there watching the game with rapt attention.
He looks as Sheena fumbles a pass that his newest problem child had mastered the timing of a month before. He sees Kevin’s shoulders go up in anger but Neil’s quick reflexes save it before the play is fully fumbled.
Neil makes a feint to pass to Kevin and the goal lights up putting them in the lead by 2 goals. David thinks of the numerous plays that would have gone smoother with the kid next to him playing instead of Sheena but there was no point in wishing for things that couldn’t be.
FF wouldn’t be playing until the Spring Championships started up and David would need to address FF’s medical hiatus and Lisa’s ‘family emergency’ that had her leaving the team.
It always stung when a Fox left but it hurt less when it was of their own volition instead of in a body bag.
He looks to the side again and thinks of the numerous decisions he had needed to make as Kevin slept in the car on the way to the hospital. Honestly, if he still was thinking about going after the hospital.
How the fuck did the hospital just leave the damn kid in a hallway for over an hour? He hates the thought of FF laying there in pain and bleeding watching as people went by.
He’s grateful that the kid didn’t seem to remember it.
He wasn’t going to mention it to any of the other Foxes, not even FF if he could swing it. He has no doubt that at the very least Andrew and Neil would go on a rampage and he’s near positive that Kevin would take special delight in it considering a week on he was still bitching about what he had seen in the Nutritionist office.
He’s not sure what Nicky would do but he knows it’d give him a headache.
Nicky takes a hard hit that has him subbed out for one of the freshman backliners. Nicky’s a little woozy and Abby confirms a very slight concussion that she’ll keep an eye on during the trip back.
They win by slimmer margins than they should but it’s to be expected.
“Coach Wymack?” FF asks.
“What’s up?” David asks.
“I’m going to go to the bathroom. It...uh...well it takes a while now.” FF says and David can read the embarrassment.
“Meet us at the bus. Be careful.” he orders.
FF nods and heads off.
Neil and Matt are on press duty and David preps the press to let them know about FF and Lisa. There are some questions about what kind of medical hiatus but David declined to answer knowing that Neil and Matt wouldn’t let it slip either.
His last two players get showered and on the bus.
He does a count and gets the correct number and starts the bus.
They’re just about to get on the highway when there’s a shout, “Wait! Where’s Smithy?!” Nicky exclaims full volume over the general conversation that had been going on throughout the bus.
David frowns, he had counted-
Abby. He had counted Abby’s head next to Nicky.
“Oh god dammit.” he says.
***
FF looked at where the bus should have been waiting for him.
He closes his eyes and hopes that the bus will appear between blinks.
He opens his eyes again and finds...nope just fans milling about heading to their own cars and home. He gives a hopeful look across the parking lot wondering if the bus maybe just got moved back somewhere so that they could get out easier after he went and made them wait?
A lot of people. Some kids. Some disappointed Belmonte fans. Some excited Fox fans. Some general Exy fanatics who were discussing what the Belmonte team would need to do to stay in for the Spring Championships.
No Palmetto State Fox team bus.
He swallows a bit of disappointment and moves past it.
He pulled up his phone to plug in Abby’s house and saw that it would be a 4 day hike from Belmonte. He looked down at his shoes contemplating if they’d make the over 300 miles of walking. The doctors and Abby had been very clear not to do too much exercise but surely it wouldn’t count since he was just going to walk? They said walking was fine right?
FF sighed at the thought.
Yeah, it wasn’t going to work.
His stomach hurts at the thought of a 5 hour car ride. Maybe there was a bus station nearby and he could make his way back via greyhound.
He was looking at his phone again when it started to ring and Nicky’s face was on his screen to let him know who the caller was.
He hit the answer button, “Hello-“
There was an inhale and FF had been on the receiving end of this quite a few times at this point so he held his phone the entire length of his arm away from his ear, “SMITHY, ARE YOU ON THE BUS OR DID WE FORGET YOU?!” Nicky screeches and it hurts his ears even from an entire arms length away. He wonders how in the world Nicky can stand being that loud with his minor concussion.
He stares at his phone dubiously for a few moments, worried that Nicky may shout again.
“Smithy?! Smithy?” He hears Nicky’s not quite as loud but very concerned voice. FF decides to bite the bullet.
“Hello Nicky, I am not on the bus.” He says.
“We fucking LEFT SMITHY!” Nicky yells and FF can hear a collective groan from across the line.
He may even hear Coach Wymack yelling something about ‘again’ and feels shame burn in his stomach. He should have just held in his pee. He hadn’t really needed to go that badly and it’s not like Coach Wymack doesn’t take bathroom breaks.
“It’s okay.” He rushes to assure Nicky. “I can…grab a bus or something. You don’t need to come back, I’m-“
“Young man, if you say that you’re fine I can not be held responsible for what I will do when I see you in the next 20 minutes.” Nicky threatens. “I also can’t be held responsible for what I’ll do to Neil since I feel like he’s infected you somehow.” He says.
He hears a distant “Hey” followed by an even more distant “Man, I hate to say it but I think he’s right.”
“I don’t want to bother you.” He says.
“Smithy, you are so far from a bother it is insane. How about I stay on the line with you okay?” Nicky asks but something has caught his eye.
Two kids haven’t moved as the rest of the world continued to. He watched as they clung to one another and no one seemed to take notice of them. He doesn’t understand how anyone could miss them with the bright orange children’s jerseys they had on. One sporting 01 - Josten and the other 10 - Josten on the backs.
“That’s okay Nicky. Call me when you’re close.” He says and makes his way over.
He can see the little boy’s hand holding the little girl’s hand tightly and is careful to walk around them in a way so that he wouldn’t appear out of nowhere. “Hey,” he squatted down to their height and the little boy still jumped slightly, dropping a small book to the ground, and the little girl hid her face in his shoulder. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you. I just noticed you looked a little lost.” He says and his muscles won’t pull in a way to offer a reassuring smile but he hopes he can convey it through his tone.
The little boy visibly swallows down nervous spit, “I’m not supposed to talk to strangers.” He says holding on tighter to the little girl.
“Smart, continue to do that.” He says immediately, “Can you just nod yes or no for me?” He asks instead.
The boy thinks for a long moment before nodding affirmatively.
“Great, good job.” He says, “Did you come to the stadium with your parents?” He asks
A nod in the affirmative.
“Do your parents know where you are?” He asks.
He shakes his head in a negative.
“Are you lost?” He asks.
Another negative.
“So you mean to be right here?” He wants to clarify.
A nod in the affirmative this time.
FF takes a moment to piece together what he knows and looks down at the book.
An autograph book. “Oh, you wanted to get an autograph from Captain Neil?” he asks.
The little boy looks up but it’s the little girl who answers. She finally takes her face out from his shoulder. FF’s eyes can’t help but see the large burn scar on her cheek but also see how her eyes sparkle with delight, “You know Captain Josten?!” she exclaims in delight.
“Millie!” The young boy says. “He’s a stranger!” he hisses.
“Nu-uh!” she shakes her head, “Number 13!” she points at his jersey he had worn in solidarity. “He passes to Captain Josten!” she says brightly. “See Brandon?” she smiles.
It could just be a fan jersey though FF highly doubts that anyone would buy fan merch for him. He is no Kevin Day, Captain Neil Josten, or Andrew Minyard.
Still the little boy, Brandon, looks at him with wide eyes, “You’re Smith?” he asks.
“Yeah.” FF nods, “Captain Neil is my Captain.” he says.
“I love Captain Josten! I wanna marry him!” Millie says and FF can’t help but wonder if Andrew would squash such adorable competition. “His face is like mine!” she giggles.
“Yeah, your face is as cool as Captain Neil’s is.” FF agrees with completely sincerity.
“We came out here to get Captain Josten’s signature” Brandon says with a pout, “All the adults were in the way and it was...kind of scary.” he admits with a flush.
A thought occurs to him. He doesn’t want to leave these kids and brave the crowds to find someone to announce the lost kids. It would only be about 12 more minutes before the bus comes. Coach Wymack would be able to help and...
“They’re coming to pick me up pretty soon. How about we stay right here and we can get Captain Neil’s autograph together?” he asks.
Both kids light up at the idea. “Really?” they both ask.
“Yeah, I also want Captain Neil’s autograph.” he says because he does. He’s wanted Captain Neil’s autograph for AGES but had been too awkward to ask. Then Greg had come and made it seem like FF would want it just to sell it or something.
Now he has the perfect excuse.
***
David pulled into the spot he had left almost half an hour ago and barely managed to put the bus into park before most of his more senior players were prying the door open to go look for FF.
Nicky had called but FF hadn’t picked up and it had set his more paranoid players’ teeth on edge.
The only one that stayed on the bus was Nicky since Abby had a firm grip on him.
David sighed and told everyone else to stay put before exiting the bus and began the herculean effort of trying to spot FF in a crowd.
It actually wasn’t too hard as he found his players standing and watching as FF crouched with his back to them as two little kids in orange Fox jerseys were re-enacting something for him.
He’d be tempted to let them keep going if he didn’t remember Abby’s list of specific things FF shouldn’t do with his still healing stomach and squatting like that was definitely on the list.
“Smith.” he says and watches as the Freshman jolts and tips over, thankfully onto his side, from his squatted position.
The kids get nervous when they see him but then their eyes both lock on Neil’s face. For a moment his heart aches for his player, plenty of kids have cried about Neil’s scars but then his eyes land on the little girl’s face more properly and...
Oh...
Those are stars in her eyes. David looks at the two different Josten kids jerseys that the Palmetto store had released.
FF recovers from his tumble admirably, “Coach Wymack,” he says getting up onto his feet. “These two are lost, can you see if there’s a way to contact their parents?” he asks.
David nods and pulls out his phone and steps away slightly.
He watches over the interaction that happens next.
**
As promised, FF had taken the awkward lead of asking for it and had them form a line. It had been weird but he watched as understanding dawned in Captain Neil’s eyes as he saw the two Josten jerseys. It had felt even less weird to get Captain Neil’s autograph when Matt had jokingly gotten in line behind Brandon because he too wanted Captain Neil’s autograph.
FF felt a little bad that Captain Neil had been so flustered by the requests but at least he finally had the Captain Neil autograph he’d wanted since last March. It also felt nice when Captain Neil had smiled the way he did at Millie when she babbled about how they matched.
Andrew had bumped into him in the way that FF was learning meant that he was pleased with whatever FF had just done. Kevin and Aaron had been the ones to ask if his stitches were okay after his startled tumble.
Millie and Brandon’s parents were incredibly grateful and swore to continue to be lifelong fans of the Foxes. Millie and Brandon themselves had been more excited about their Captain Neil Josten autographs than being reunited with their parents. They had waved goodbye with Millie loudly proclaiming that her and Captain Neil would get married someday.
Climbing onto the bus he was subjected to a check over by Abby when both Kevin and Aaron dragged him to her. Then he was sat down next to Nicky who shoved him into the window seat and cuddled up. “I won’t lose track of you if I’m on you.” was his logic.
The bus ride resumed.
“I didn’t know you liked kids.” Nicky says head on FF’s shoulder. “I’ve watched you go to the other side of the street to avoid middle school kids.” he adds.
FF feels ice in his stomach.
“Middle school kids are mean.” FF says and doesn’t properly answer the question but Nicky is just concussed enough to not call him on it.
MASTERPOST FOR ALL PARTS OF FLUENT FRESHMAN AU
NEXT
Like I said in my last part I will be tagging people separate from the actual update going forward. Still any requests to be added to the tag list feel free to put in the replies here.
#Fluent Freshman AU#Nicky was getting ready to call any and all local dairy farmers#to start the 'have you seen me?' campaign#Nicky was also trying to figure out how to tell Aras that he lost her entire grandson#He may have been freaking out in the bus with Abby#'I'm gonna lose GRANDSON PRIVILEGES ALL OVER AGAIN#Thankfully FF wasn't far and now Nicky knows to just truly superglue himself to FF. Buddy system for life#Yeah so you may have caught it in the previous bit#part 27#Andrew and Neil's concern about FF getting forgotten in a hallway did actually happen#and FF passed out there#Only Wymack's call for an update galvanized them to find him and start helping him#The Foxes get back and GS has a bunch of Tupperwear#full of delicious food for them since it's so late#Nicky and Matt are halfway through getting her a custom 'Foxy Grandma' Jersey#She's discovered quite a bit more knitting to be done for FF's friends#That sweet boy Matt deserves a knitted present too#Maybe even that brash young man Jack should get in on the GS knitted presents train#Well now it's out there in the world that FF is on a medical Hiatus#I'm sure nothing will happen#this is a lie I know the chain of events that are to follow#AFTG#AFTG AU#AFTG OC#Andreil#FF - Part 32
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some design comcepts for older lily + lewis!!! my latest and greatest headcanon for them is that in the future they get gems and can do magic of their own :33 i just think it’d be neat,,, something to do with their love of magic!!!! 🥺
#im normal about stdwolom. number one fan have been since i was 15#i need them EXPLODED AND GONE THEY MEAN SO MUCH TO ME BYE#anyways these designs are still. rather up in the air#definitely need some more refining and all that#but yknow!!! for now theyre pretty good kickoff points 🥺#lewis’s fit is loosely based off a wizard fit i gave him in a halloween piece from 2022 hehehe!!#I THINK THEY SHOULD GET MAGIC. I THINK THEY SHOULD AS A TREAT#billie helps them learn ofc!!! AND SO DOES STOTLE. THEM AND THEIR THREE WEIRD KIDS OR WHATEVER#i love them so bad. stdwolom….☹️☹️☹️#dont overthink the gem colours or anything btw. i think theyre just… general ones? question mark?#IDK MAYBE ILL PUT MORE THOUGHT INTO THE SPECIFICS LATER#BUT FOR NOW THEYRE JUST. GENERAL ONES WITH NO SPECIFIC POWERS IN PARTICULAR LMAO#robin’s art#billie bust up#2024 art#bbu billie#bbu lewis#bbu lily#stdwolom#this all started bc i looked at stdwolom and went ‘i think they should be she/her they/them cool hat coded. lewis should get a cool hat’#then i brain blasted.#whats more cool hat than a wizard and whats more wizard than ACTUAL MAGIC#i like to think im smart sometimes#okay hi update these guys are part of my… oc lore? now so uhhh guess theyre getting the story tag#The Panderity Chapter
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I'm still thinking about how ashamed I was (and am) with being open about my pain because I am so young. It's so hard to feel worthy of having your pain taken seriously when the people around you insist that young bodies are always in pristine, untouched condition and that you must earn your pain through aging. Never is it considered that young people aren't lying or being a hypochondriac for expressing their pain.
Young people can be in life-altering pain. Young people can have debilitating pain. It doesn't matter what age it happens because pain doesn't discriminate. Complaining about pain and doing things to prevent needless pain aren't something you have to "earn" through aging.
If you want young people to be in less or lesser pain, then encourage them to do whatever they can to minimize it. Don't downplay what they're experiencing. Not everything is a lie, not every experience that is different than yours is exaggeration or deceit.
#disability#ableism#ableism tw#this is one of the big reasons i was ashamed of admitting when i am in pain#and it's one of the reasons i was ashamed to address the pain i have#and i'm angry about that actually! nobody should fear being labeled as essentially having munchausen syndrome because...#...'young people NEVER have pain or disabilities and you're a liar!'#i really do want to start addressing my pain because i know it's not normal but holy shit batman it can suck sometimes#i honestly like talking to my dad about this because he also has a lot of pain (moreso than i do now) but he actually TRIES to listen...#putting this in the disability tag but i still don't feel right about labeling my own pain as such...#...but i know so many people with disabling pain who would relate...#...maybe it's internalized ableism on my part or maybe i just want to be respectful of people with worse pain#this is me really just reflecting on m the fact that i haven't ever had an amazing body in a lot of ways (though i am lucky still)#i'm still thinking about having an emergency cane to help me get up when my pain is bad but idk if it's worth the investment#so if anybody reading this has suggestions (esp. for those with back pain)... please hook me up i will platonically love you forever
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