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unicyclehippo · 4 months ago

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ok so i submitted a story for a competition & didn't get far but i was pretty happy with it so imma post it here for y'all. pls enjoy!

YEAR OF THE WOLF

Blood and shampoo wash pink down the shower drain. My body aches, back hot with pain. I gotta stretch more, I think, before remembering what time of month it is.

I’m not stupid, I want that to be known up top.

Tired? Yes. A bit forgetful now and then? Certainly. Overly reliant on blind optimism? Of course. Who can afford for things to go wrong these days? But stupid? No. Not about this, anyway. I’ve known for almost a decade that I’m a werewolf. I just thought if I ignored it long enough it would stop, or at least stay low on the list of important things I had to deal with—somewhere between turning thirty and the world burning down around our ears.

Still, it manages to take me by surprise each month. I see the blood, feel the shift-pull-crack of bones and vitals, the wet throb of viscera and organs, as my body reshapes itself. The wolf and I share a space not big enough for two; something must give way.

I lose time daydreaming about it. Transforming. My only plan for the day is work, maybe video games later, cooking dinner. I could call in sick. I could clear away the bathmat and towels and fall to my hands and knees and change into something bloody and terrible and wonderful, I could lay myself down on the soft carpet in the sunrays, decadent, I could leap from my balcony, powerful, and lope away into the bush off the track to explore the silver-blue of the leaves and the cathedral termite mounds, I could—

The shower pipes groan, rattle, and spit freezing water down onto me.

I don’t transform.

I towel off. The mirror shows me a human with the same soft features as ever. Shampoo suds clinging to my shoulders. Hair cut short and plastered down on chalk-white skin paler than usual. The doctor warned me low iron was a side-effect of transformation but I look myself over for another cause. Lift my arms, twist to check my back. There’s a pimple or two where my binder digs in but no injuries. I promise the doctor in my head I’ll bring it up at our next appointment.

My doctor is a careful woman, dedicated and precise. She sits primly and dresses well—her blouse is fashionable, flowery, her trousers professional and practical. She keeps notes in a leatherbound book and her thoughts securely behind her eyes. She asked me to keep track of any changes Inoticed. I pull out a crumpled receipt where I’d scrawled some notes.

tired

hungry

headaches

more dreams than usual

tired—oh I already wrote that down. still true

irritated way more by stuff?

jaw hurts?

‘Alright,’ she says, writing it down on her page about me.

I sit hunched opposite her, then fix my posture, then let my shoulders droop again, conscious of being too broad, too big. In the time it takes for her to commit a few brief notes to paper, I’m struggling not to get distracted by the lights and their electric buzz—the popping stop and start as the filaments crackle in the bulbs. My eyes wander over neat stacks of paperwork, a penholder with all the pens pointed in the same direction.

‘We’re going to order a blood test. You’re right, the fatigue and headaches could be an indicator of iron deficiency.’

‘Okay.’

‘Do you know if there’s a history?’

‘Of…iron deficiency?’

She smiles. ‘Of lycanthropy.’

The question makes my head spin. There’s been some excitement about there being some genetic predisposition to lycanthropy (unconfirmed), which half my friends were leery of, seeing the research as another way for hunters to exterminate us, and half took to romantic spirals, daydreaming about their ancestors being just like them. But the doc is asking about, like, my parents and grandparents, and it makes me laugh.

‘No. No way.’ I think harder. Is it possible? My maternal grandparents, definitely not. But my dad’s parents…I don’t know that well. ‘I could ask, maybe.’

After the three haphazard sessions we’ve had stretching across eleven months, which chiefly feature my repeated and sustained reluctance to talk, she indicates her doubt with a quiet raised brow.

It’s fair. I don’t tend to do things I don’t want to do, even if they’re important. Sometimes, especially if they’re important.

At the end of our fifteen-minute session, she walks me to the door and beneath the stench of eucalyptus-scented cleaner that makes my nose itch and head ache, I catch a whiff of her cologne. Wood pine and wild.

I think about it all day.

Has she helped me because she’s like me? The thought races ahead of me, tempting; I sprint after it. I wonder what she wears at home. Does she google boxers for bed because they seem so comfortable? Does she veer at the last moment to Boyfriend shorts! Now in satin – for HER! Or does she kick the world off at the front door next to her shoes and just…exist. Is she like me? Just a person who does things? Or is she a woman who does things? Or a person who does woman things or a woman who does womanly things or a woman who does things knowing they’re not womanly and caring or not caring? Does she splinter the cage that would contain her and let the hungry animal of her body carry her to meat and sleep and hunting and to the warmth of her partner at rest?

Is she like me?

As a kid, I wanted to take karate. My brother wanted to sing. Somehow, I ended up in the music class. It was in a demountable that creaked, off-key, with every step and stunk of the creek next door. The singing teacher had a red round face and told me not to sing too loud—I was practicing to be part of the choir, I should be part of the group. That group was made up entirely of nervous and near-silent girls who shivered with the desire above all else not to stand out. (I learned that part well.)

On the other side of school, my brother stood in karate class with a teacher who ignored him and older boys who picked on him—he was short back then, with baby fat still on his cheeks, and had a close relationship with boredom and distraction that came from being smarter than most.

Once we figured out the joke being played on us, our places switched, we made a pact to teach each other what we learned. It didn’t last. Within three lessons, I spent more time on the walk to the classroom than in class; I dawdled in the fields and by the creek, tracking beetles and digging for dinosaur bones in the mud. When I did arrive, it was twenty-five minutes late with dirt under my nails and finally the teacher told me not to show up. My brother took a faster approach and called the teacher a moron. Mum had to pick him up early from class and neither of us learned very much.

My gran lives hours away and I never got the impression she liked me much. I think about sitting in her drawing room, the sticky-sugar smell from bottles of fancy port on the shelf, and her sitting opposite, eyes hawklike, mouth pursed and tongue sharp. I don’t visit her. I think about asking my dad instead and, while he does like me, he doesn’t like werewolves and I’m not ready to risk exile.

I get my blood drawn. The doctor prescribes iron pills and congratulates me on my teeth coming in.

My mother doesn’t like my sharp teeth or short hair or the way I sit. I want to tell her I didn’t do anything to my teeth; that if anyone is to blame for the handsome jut of my canines, the neat, careful way they can tear flesh from bone, it’s her. She made me. But saying stuff like that only opens up the room for more questions.

‘Do you like it? Looking like that?’

It will hurt her if I say yes. When you are a daughter, wanting to change means you don’t want to become your mother, which means you don’t love her.

I can’t say no.

The wolf stirs. It wants me to say yes. It loves fiercely and loves me most of all. But it isn’t the one who has to live here—work, be a daughter, a sister. It won’t be the one who has to listen to my mother tell me to be sure before I tell anyone else because there’s no going back and people will hate me for it, just for being, and that she can’t support me doing that to myself, that it’s against the god she’s never thought twice about, and has someone talked me into it?

I’m not ready for that.

‘It’s just teeth,’ I say.

She shakes her head but doesn’t ask any more questions. I think she’s scared I’ll tell her the truth.

am i a coward?

My friend Luna takes a long while to answer.

While I wait, I wash the dishes I’ve been “soaking” for three days; the kitchen smells of dish soap when I’m done and the world is a little cleaner. Outside, my balcony is drenched in sunlight. I make my coffee and sit out there, turning my nose to the wind. Somewhere close by, someone is cooking chicken loaded up with paprika. It’s more accurate to say they’re burning chicken. Next door, my neighbour digs through the rich dirt of their garden and plants rosemary and lavender.

My phone lights up.

No, she says. Then, Why do you ask?

the whole werewolf thing. i won’t transform, wont tell my family.

This reply is much faster. Definitely not.

i feel like one

First of all, you transform when it’s right & as much or little as you want & that changes from person to person. Second, being safe is not cowardly.

yeah

Do you want to tell them?

The coffee is gorgeously strong. After a few gulps, I feel like someone has brushed the cobwebs out of my head.

it’s like. there’s this version of me in their heads that isn’t real yknow. like im not a person im a cloud in person shape & sometimes they get a glimpse of my hand or whatever. & its safe inside the cloud its harder to hit me but . they cant see me

sorry i know this is teenager shit

In the distance, a fire alarm starts to blare.

No it’s good. I get it, obviously. And you know my parents were awful when I told them but we go running every month now. The question isn’t “am I a coward”. The question is, are you prepared to confront that version of yourself in their heads? Are you ready for it to change?

i wish i knew. how it would change i mean. bc i feel like if i knew for Sure that they would take it badly then that’s one thing & i could deal w that. & if i knew theyd be fine w it i could deal with That but. i don’t know. & its freaking me out. but it’s also like…ok i don’t live w them, i’ve got a job, idont rely on them for anything. what real bad consequences could there be?

Dots pop up at the bottom of the screen. They disappear after a minute, then reappear, as Luna takes her time to answer. Finally, she says,

By announcing the real version of yourself, you open yourself up to vulnerability. Things that didn’t bother you before will feel uncomfortable or hurt because it touches you. And when you change the way that you exist in the eyes of people who are supposed to love you unconditionally, you invite the possibility that they will reveal the love was in fact conditional & not for you, that you somehow failed to live up to the person they imagined you to be

mate i’m already scraping the bottom lol

You’re wonderful, Luna says, because she can tell when a joke isn’t really a joke. Her worst trait. If they can’t see that, it doesn’t mean it’s not true.

yeah

You don’t have to tell everyone. You could pick whoever would take it best & get someone on your side. When I take too long to answer, Luna sends a string of photos—her dogs, her family in matching hiking shirts, the view of the nearly full moonon her side of the world. I’m on your side, she says. Always. Let me know how it goes.

The full moon burns, beckons. We are both gloriously awake this time. I have never been more awake. The sky is a black lake and when it rains we taste space and stars and smog. The stairs are slick with the rain. On all fours we are sure, quick, eager! The grass is waiting for us! Splendid! Everything is incandescent in silver, including me. The grass—dew-wet, green scent full in our nose—invites us to roll in it, sticks its seedlings to our fur, tagalongs on our adventure. We run! Smell everything! ticklegrass wetmoss possum pee BUG rough brick mud SPIKY plant big tree lavender dog smell road gutter old leaves bird feathers vinegar shARP on my tongue bag crinkles between our teeth

The days’ heat still smoulders on the surface of the road. We are standing in the centre of it, massive, when a car crests the hill. It stops, engine rumbling and blue-glare lights illuminating us. It waits for us to cross the road before driving on. The driver stares from their seat. In one easy jump, we clear the fence and disappear.

Three more streets and the road ends. The world is huge, bigger than I could have imagined. There’s dirt here! dirt mud rocks beetles scuffling under the leaves koala musk leads to claw marks at the base of trees.

The wolf likes it when I’m awake. It wants to show me the world. Look, its questing nose says, look what you miss out on when you sleep.

It takes us to a termite mound and we listen to them sing.

We stay out all night, trekking through the pocket of national park. I am the biggest thing in the forest. Nothing frightens me. We find a creek filled with every fascination the world has to offer. Ten thousand wet stones, bottle caps, an ill-tempered fish.

When the sun rises, I am sore and covered in blood. I call my brother to pick me up. I stand by the edge of the park to wait for him; at the bottom of the hill, the highway stretches out like a grey branch, cars buzzing along it like bugs. A firefly splits off from it, flying towards me.

The yellow of the headlights cuts through the trees. Inside the car, my brother jumps when he sees me and the light reflecting off my eyes. The wolf is still awake and we move fast and strong to the passenger side door.

He knows.

I can tell. Smell it on him, see it in his uneasy posture. He knows and still I can’t say it. It feels like I’ve swallowed a bird whole, alive. It trembles, stuck in my throat. When I think about talking it pecks at my tongue and if I open my mouth, if I try to explain, he will see my bloody tongue and the bird and he’ll see me all wrong, all the ugly brutish parts of me I’d like to keep hidden, if I can.

The wolf is still awake. It isn’t scared; it is massive and powerful, it can bite through anything, it can run forever without getting tired. We can. And if there is ever a time to talk to my brother, to let him know who I am, it is now.

I do not want him to think I am a bloody-mouthed girl.

I want him to know I am not a coward. I am myself, a werewolf, alive and finally happy for it.

The wolf yawns. I catch a glimpse of my teeth in the mirror, sharp.

‘Hey.’ Of all the ways to break a very tense silence, it’s not the worst. ‘Thank you. For picking me up.’

He risks a look at me, away from the road. ‘Are you okay?’

‘Yeah.’

A muscle tics in his cheek as he chews on silence. He’s upset that I won’t say more. So am I. I want to. The bird is in the way. I have always had to trick myself into talking; it is never easy, not in doctor’s office, not in my parents’ home, not in the forest, or my brother’s car.

We slow. Ahead, the traffic lights paint the dashboard red. The car shivers around us, idling. I can feel it shake through my bare feet, dirty and scratched up from the rocks, pressed to the rubber floor mats.

The first word comes out like a pulled tooth.

‘I—need to say.’ He glances my way. I think, briefly, about jumping out the window but the light turns green so I can’t. I have to talk instead. ‘I’m a werewolf.’

He drives. I realise he must have been waiting to talk, really talk, because this is the first time I’ve been in his car without music playing.

‘I think the proper term is lycanthrope,’ he says, finally.

‘Dude.’

‘Sorry. Just, medically speaking...’ He shakes his head. Drums his fingers against the wheel. ‘How long?’

‘I dunno.’ I do. A decade of knowing and doing nothing about it. Almost a year of thinking very hard about it and doing slightly more.

He knows me better than my doctor; both his eyebrows shoot up to his hairline, entirely unconvinced.

‘I’m still me,’ I tell him, because that’s what everyone says in books and movies. I guess it’s what you’re supposed to say. What I want to say is that I’m more me than ever. What I want him to say is thank you, and I’m his favourite person, and that he understands how hard it was for me to share but he’s proud of me. But I would have to ask for that and the bird in my throat won’t budge.

‘Okay. Wow. So… Are you going to move? Change your name? Are you going to get claws? A tail?’

‘Okay, never ask me that again.’ He laughs. ‘And no. I don’t think so. I kind of like that it’s not super obvious. It’s no-ones business but mine.’

‘And mine now.’ I think he’s smiling, a little. ‘Why did you tell me? If you don’t want anyone to know?’

I wish I was still a wolf. If I were a wolf, I would howl and people would understand. The tenor, the tremble, the shivering cadence. There would be no need for picking the right words, no eye contact, no consequences for an ill-timed joke, no shame for feeling everything so big and weird, like there’s a forest in my chest and a songbird choir blocking up my throat. My hands itch as the claws retract under my skin and I fight to keep from scratching, fidgeting. I turn to stare out the window.

To his reflection in the glass, I say, ‘I want you to like me.’

‘Of course I like you—’

‘I’m louder like this,’ I whisper. He looks unconvinced, which is fair. I’m still hiding. ‘Messy. Bigger and stubborn and hairier and angrier. It’s not the wolf. I’m like that too. I wanna be like that. Real. I’m so—I’m so tired. All the time. I don’t want to pretend anymore. I want to be me and I want you to like me as me.’

My back aches as everything in me crunches back into place. The wolf is asleep and it has left me alone with my words and my brother.

‘I really love you,’ he tells me as he pulls up outside my house. He puts his hand warm on mine. He doesn’t flinch at the blood. He hugs me close. Plucks a leaf from my hair.

My brother offers to come with me to tell our parents. It probably would have been smart but I’m still wary. If it goes bad…I don’t want him to see that.

‘How did it happen?’ my mother asks when I’m done, like it’s something you can catch.

For a moment, I entertain the thought of lying.

Do you remember my uni friend? Verne? Well he’s part of a pack and if he brings in three new werewolves over three months, and they each bring in three new werewolves, he gets a bonus. Why? Are you interested in this exciting new life opportunity?

I can’t joke about it yet. Worst outcome, she thinks I’m serious about it being a some kind of cult. Less worse but still bad outcome, she thinks I’m being unserious about the whole thing. Nevermind that I have thought about it every day for ten years, this inevitable confrontation, this moment where I have to explain myself, defend my existence, back up my claims with proof and research like it’s my thesis. I tell her,

‘It just made sense.’

She likes that less than she would have if I’d joked about it, gets all stiff and pinched.

‘It doesn’t make sense to me. I don’t understand where this is coming from—you’re human. You’re not –‘ She shakes her head. ‘Maybe if you left the house more often. These things you’re imagining about yourself, if you were around more people…you’re not like that. You’re lovely,’ she insists. ‘You’re not that.’

It should hurt to hear. It probably does, in a way I’ll feel five years down the line, and I’ll wish that I had bit back, told her that just because she thinks there’s something wrong with me doesn’t make it true.

My dad hasn’t said anything.

When I look at him, he’s staring down at his plate. He eats everything on it, even the tomatoes he usually tries to hide under the broccoli stems. Then he stands, puts it in the dishwasher, and walks away.

‘It’ll pass,’ my mother tells me. ‘You’ll come to your senses. This won’t last—don’t do anything permanent. Don’t do anything you’ll regret.’

Don’t give in.

Don’t transform.

Don’t smile wide enough to show your teeth.

Don’t tell anyone else.

I realise I’ve been trying my hardest not to do anything, like being nothing would be preferable to being me. When did I get the idea that to starve would be better than anyone seeing me hungry?

‘I don’t want to hide anymore.’

‘But it’s no-one’s business,’ she insists. ‘I don’t understand why anyone needs to know, I mean, I don’t go around telling people I’m human.’

The words sound different coming from her mouth but they’re the same.

It’s no-ones business but mine. That’s what I told my brother and I thought I meant it but now I think I was still scared. Biting off bits of myself before anyone pulled out the silverware and cut it from me.

There’s a bird in my throat and the little bastard is choking me. It’s not fair. I don’t want to die without saying what I mean for once.

I bite down on it, blood between my teeth.

‘It’s not the same thing,’ I snap. There’s a gorgeous growl to my words I’ve never heard before. No one told me that would happen. I love it. I love the sound of my voice. ‘No one tries to kill you because you’re human.’

‘Exactly!’

When I stand up fast, chair scraping against the floor, she freezes. Caught between telling me to pick up the chair first and not knowing how to talk to a monster in her daughter’s skin.

It hadn’t occurred to me that telling the truth wouldn’t change just me.

Staring back at my mother, I find I don’t much like the woman I see. If that’s what awaited me, I’m glad to have changed. The world is huge and beautiful and painful and I am kinder, stronger, hardier for it.

I pick up my bag from the floor.

‘I’m the same person, it’s just now you know I’m a werewolf. When we went out for lunch last week? Werewolf. When I got you groceries when you were sick? Werewolf. Every birthday, holiday, every vacation we’ve had since I was nineteen? Werewolf.’

She looks sick. Puts a hand on the counter to steady herself.

When I get home, I’m going to curl up in my closet for a week. The bird is going to come back any second now with backup. Eagles, this time. ‘I’ve had a really long time to think about this and you haven’t so I’m - I’ll give you time. But you should know that I’m happy and healthy and safe. All the things you said you wanted for me.’

As I leave her house, maybe for the last time, I hope she’ll call. I don’t know if she will.

I have been sleeping better and dreaming more. In my dreams, I am always the same. I have a wolf head, with sharp teeth and keen eyes. I sing with a powerful voice that has unsettled for centuries. I cannot see my pack but I can hear them out there, howling. My body is the same; the only difference are the claw marks across my flat chest, red and raw and careful. I am not dead, only transformed.

#tagging my stories #original fiction #werewolves my beloveds.......

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curlygrant44 · 1 month ago

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Mod:

Everything is coming up Curly lmao

Which is to say we have a sixth or maybe seventh, which is impressive because the only one to rival those numbers is Daisuke.

Not that anyone should be surprised that the sad crispy chicken wing and the precious cinnamon roll are the fan favs for writing.

I am, I will admit, slightly surprised by the comparative lack of Jimmys, but I can understand why that could be...daunting, to say the least. Inhabiting the head of someone like that is probably not fun for most people.

But we got three great Jimmys and I think I spotted a couple more newcomers, and there's finally a second Swansea!

We really are gonna need to make a centralized directory for everyone in the next couple days lol. I can toss something together on maybe like Tuesday if no one's gotten to it before then.

Ideally I'd like the directory to have notation of who's doing dark themes, including Toxic Yaoi (TM) so that folks who are just starting to get to know the group can opt out of that stuff if need be.

It would probably also be good to have some agreed-on tags for common themes for consistency's sake. That way it's easy to avoid or alternatively look for something specific. Some of us get real creative with our tags and that's not bad but it'd be nice to have some overarching ones for cohesion without straying too much into more normal tags and possibly clogging those again.

We could theoretically start organizing into more cohesive crews if folks wanted; I like the way we're kind of all in limbo for now, personally, like we all came from different places and just kinda ended up here in this liminal space that is the ship but isn't, and doesn't belong solely to any one crew. It gives a lot of flexibility so I don't actually think that needs to change.

If other folks feel differently, though, that's totally fine. I know that when we started a few days ago there was one crew in particular under captain-g-curly that was pretty cohesive...and then grew as we all joined up and got to add so many fun folks to our midst.

My suggestion is that in the coming days we run some polls and have some ooc discussions among folks who'd like to have a bit of organization for the back end so that as mods we can keep branching plotlines and blogs we interact with less often straight, mentally.

This could, theoretically, end up in a discord server. I don't know that I'd interact much but if that's what other people want, one can be made.

I know this might seem overly elaborate. It might seem too structured. Even stuffy.

...at which point I can only point you to this blog thus far and ask if you think that maybe I picked a workaholic middle-aged ship captain to roleplay because I am in fact the sort of person who finds stuffiness and structure and regulation to be relatable and comforting lmao.

The answer, needless to say, is yes.

Anyway, I'll get around to roping everyone into this conversation tomorrowish, but for now it's 2am and it feels like 4 still, and it's time to sleep.

#/not rp #mod talk #admin hours #can you tell I might have a certain personality type and may have had certain words applied to me as a child #not beating the “bossy” allegations I'm just too old to care now lol

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solar-sunnyside-up · 1 year ago

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imma day dream bout a functioning comfy world for a sec,,, im watching bluey and feeling idealistic and v pregnant so stick with me while i day dream Putting out your garbage bin at night, and in the morning having a cup of tea on my porch watching as the garbage bin comes by and they wave at me, maybe sometimes i catch them and give them a snack for later in the day Taking the bus but instead of it being a horrible ordeal the bus stop is comfortable and covered in plants. Its got a fruit stand, overly comfy seating with wind chimes creating some ambient music while waiting for the bus.

Going to the library with a giant list organized by books and items your borrowing and craft supplies, walking into the library its like an archive of stuff for you to have without worry.

Biking your way casually to a park thats holding a movie night, a picnic basket attached on the back, and meeting up with your friends on the way over at sunset just as they start airing the bloopers before the movie starts and you settle in.

Spending sleepless nights in a cafe with an open ceiling so stars pour in while you paint some project and work away while sipping tea until sunrise. Catch up with a neighbour who wakes up early to deliver mail on the way out

Grocery delivery day where the little kids around you are buzzing all day, keeping an eye out the window for the delivery truck, cheering filling the house when it shows up and the adults get to work to help bring in the supplies. Offering a tea or snack for the deliverer and chatting a while.

#add your own ppl ill add more later #day dreams #solarpunk world #solarpunk writing #solarpunk #hopepunk #fuck capitalism

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adobe-outdesign · 7 months ago

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Have you reviewed Oranguru before? Would love to see what you think of it.

Oranguru is the version counterpart to Passimian, but between the two, I like it quite a bit better. Maybe I'm just inherently biased towards psychic-types, but I feel like Oranguru both has a more interesting premise and a concept that's better fleshed out.

Conceptually, the wise old ape idea combined with the guru-like aspects, like the cape and the fan, work pretty well together. You can tell what the idea is, but it's not so overt as to feel like this couldn't be a living organism. Orangutans are also a good choice for this, as they're known for being highly intelligent animals; in fact, Oranguru is also intelligent enough that it can basically train its own Pokemon, which I think is really interesting.

And visually, I like the look of Oranguru. The eyes have a haunted look and the overall body anatomy isn't overly human-like. The colors are also good, forsaking a realistic palette in favor of a rich purple and gold color scheme. My only issue is that you probably could've removed the blues from the palette, as they don't add anything useful, but that's it.

So overall, a pretty solid ape with a nice design and clear, easy-to-read themes. Good stuff.

#pokemon #pokemon reviews #oranguru

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slow-writer · 10 months ago

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TMAGP (and TMA, indirectly) Spoilers and Thoughts...

You have been warned...

I wasn't part of the original TMA crowd back when it was first airing. I'd heard mutterings of it, but never really thought much about it. To be honest, I probably wasn't mentally ready for it back then. Instead, my younger sister started listening to it last year and then kept talking about it until something she said made me go, "Y'know what? Okay. I'm in."

I ended up bingeing through it during work this past October, and holy sh*t. I fell down the rabbit hole hard. (Maybe, in this case, it would be more akin to running face first down those coffin stairs? I digress.) Being so new to it when everyone else had already been swallowed up by the sky, it was cool to dig into the Wikis that had already been made, to see the links and foreshadowing.

But now, it's the beginning of TMAGP, and I actually get to listen the day they release, to jump on here, or reddit, or tiktok, or wherever to be a part of the theorizing AS IT HAPPENS. And boy oh boy, I'm happier than Simon Fairchild in the stratosphere.

Do I have a notebook to jot down my thoughts as I listen? Of course, I do. Do I have multiple tabs open, some with ARG info, some with TMA info, and yet more with references to alchemical symbols and practices? Duh. Have I started my own spreadsheet for it all? Well, if you knew about my Lego Dimensions spreadsheet.... nevermind. Yes, I have.

But nothing beats being able to talk (or type) about it with other fans, like my sister, or those faceless avatars (lol) of the interwebs. And man, has my brain been CHURNING.

First, let me get out of the way that I wasn't able to take part in the ARG as it was happening, and my goodness! I'm so happy there are other people out there like me who were able to sum up and load it up for the rest of us to learn about. No idea how much of it will be *necessary* to unlock all the secrets, but I'm the kind who loves to know trivia just cos. And the details I am learning definitely pull me deeper.

Second, I feel like in the beginning of TMA, there was barely anything for the listeners to dig through. One guy working on behalf of an organization, trying to dig through seemingly implausible and overly spooktastic first-hand statements dating back centuries that are in crazy disarray from the previous archivist, and he's laying on a hefty helping of "this is utter balderdash, complete poppycock, and absolute piffle" opinion. It was a slow burn, something that (as an American, and being exposed to so much more instant gratification in storytelling than necessary) UK storytellers seem to be experts in, and was even more expertly done in this case, since so many little things had to eventually build up without listeners automatically assuming what would happen next, without them getting bored.

But TMAGP is already so full of so much extra stuff, so many little things (even before it was released) that we may all get BURIED in the sheer amount of data we think is vital. We're not listening to tapes this time, we're definitely listening via internet-connected devices, like computers, mobile phones, and security cameras. So, while TMA had old tape recorders magically appearing (or were they being dragged by hordes of spiders?) and switching themselves on so they could hear all the random happenings within the archive, TMAGP is no longer reliant on such hand-wavery. Whatever/whoever is listening can do so from anywhere to anyone they want. That makes the world of TMAGP

SO MUCH BIGGER.

Third, I know not everyone who listens to these things is like me (or, let's face it: us--there are so many fans doing regular deep dives on here, we should have our own categorization on the wiki). There are bound to be listeners who just leave everything at face value and wait for the story to unfold itself organically, and when it's done, it's done. But even as an adolescent, when I got into something, I did my best to listen to, watch, or read everything I could find on that very niche thing. At least for a while. (Hello, undiagnosed ADHD!)

So, I watched/listened to a couple interviews and Q&As regarding the new show prior to release. And while both Alex and Jonny have been clear saying you don't have to have listened to TMA to enjoy TMAGP, I kind of think just saying that is leading us TMA fans in a very specific direction. And I think it's very intentional, and that a lot of fans either haven't heard about it yet, or are choosing to ignore it.

They say that TMAGP is tangentially related to TMA in that there will be familiar themes, but

it's taking place in a completely different universe from TMA;

time in TMA worked differently (especially during the Entity Torturepalooza in S5) towards the end, so dates of events there may not line up with dates or events in this universe; and

the main or overarching theme is different.

In TMA, the story was "what makes a monster a monster?" As in, is there a line one crosses that they can't return from? Is it a physical manifestation, like it alters their appearance? Is it an action they have to take? And does that action have to be done willingly, or can it be coerced? Does becoming the monster to protect someone else, or to achieve a greater good... does any of that matter?

In TMAGP, they've already said that the story will be "what makes a person a person?"

The implications of that sentence are many and mind-boggling.

I first thought it had something to do with the idea of the humane (not human): kindness, empathy, compassion. The ties that bind us together as people (like being fans of a little horror podcast from across the pond) could be part of this.

But, now that we have 5 episodes out, and a metaphorical army of lore-deep-divers digging through every word and sound effect and episode title, I think we can truly start to figure out where we're heading.

Artificial Intelligence.

It struck me as I was re-listening to the first episode this morning. (I really am trying to fill out my spreadsheet in a semi-logical manner and with as many pertinent details as possible, really. That's the main reason I was doing that this morning. At least, that's what I tell myself.) We are hearing all these happenings over web-connected devices (don't think I don't see you, Alex and Jonny, and your oh-so-hilarious punning!), the OIAR employees are working on a modified business-forward version of Windows NT 4.0 that precedes Windows 95 that has a name that we interpret as 'Freddy' (or Freddie, depending on where you are in the transcripts), one of the documents from the ARG was a spreadsheet called 'Klaus' (which IS the name of the former IT guy Gwen's asking about because she heard/saw young Lena arguing with him), and we have at least 3 text-to-speech "voices" that Alice has given names (Chester, Norris, and Augustus).

All of that was running through my brain, and then I heard this passage within the first few minutes of the episode:

LENA - Nonsense. Sam is the only one who has had any cake so far. GWEN - And that was only because you practically forced it down his throat. SAM - No, no, it was… nice. LENA - People like chocolate cake.

People like chocolate cake? She didn't even ask her employees (all 5 of them at that time) what flavor they'd prefer, or if they'd want something else? No. She just knows a fact that "people" like chocolate cake, so of course, her employees--who are people--would like chocolate cake.

Almost like a computer following a logic-based workflow, perhaps?

Lots of people have been trying to figure out who in the office is the Big Bad, and many are saying Gwen just because of her ambition and her last name (Bouchard), but I think her name is a red herring. Others are saying Alice knows more than she lets on (and so many are hating on her, and I will NOT ABIDE THE ALICE DYER SHADE because I love her and I would very probably hide bodies for her) but I agree that certain things she's said are a little sus, though they really could just be her personality. I really have known some women like her, and they are some of my favorite people. (Plus, the fact that we now know that she's the most tenured employee at the OIAR--save possibly Lena--does make the brain churn some more.)

But with this line about chocolate cake, and how she was unable to join them at the pub, and how we haven't had a scene with her outside of the OIAR office, it makes me think that Lena might just be part code.

[Let me also add this really quick: I've seen A LOT of people trying to make the current episodes fit into Smirke's 14 +Dekker's 1, but I don't think the Entities as we codified them are what we're dealing with in this universe. I think trying to link everything back to that show will be a lot of wasted thought, because as they said, this isn't a direct sequel. (Do I think it's actually Jon, Martin, and Jonah--yes, Jonah, not Jurgen--trapped in the computer system? A bit, but it won't shatter my appreciation if the voices are something else entirely.)

Plus, I've seen others saying that the statements we've heard, while creepy, aren't all necessarily to do with fear. Most of them are about desires and obsessions.

The woman who wanted so desperately to see her dead husband again that she'd get scammed over and over to possibly resurrect him;

the person who wanted to spelunk an 'unsolved' site to the point of crime;

the woman who wanted to finally feel comfortable in her skin to the point of disfiguring herself;

the man who wanted so badly to climb out of his assigned station and achieve fame that he'd regularly 'feed' his violin blood from other people;

and the man who wanted to feel the same terror he felt when watching scary movies with his dad when he was a kid to the point of chasing down 'borderline illegal films' and ignoring LITERALLY ALL the red flags to the end.

I think that theory is the closest to what we may actually encounter.]

I've seen others on reddit saying they think that this series will be about the race to create the philosopher's stone--the stone that creates the elixir of life and, essentially, immortality. I think it's a valid idea. But, what if it went further than that?

Because with all the alchemical hints dropping in the show's logo, the ARG, and the 3-category system to the statements (yes, I'm keeping track) that could make one think of the spirit, the mind, and the body in alchemy....

What if they're trying to create life from software?

What if these entities or desires or whatevers have been working through some ancient busted code, feeding off statements from "real" humans experiencing strong emotions, watching the employees that work with it every single night, so they can create something as close to a human as possible from just wires and 3 decades of unreadable code?

Oh lord... it just occurred to me that--due to this being a HORROR podcast--they might need to collect a skin suit for the Not Quite Human. Is that what happened to Klaus? Ick. And now I'm hoping I'm wrong.

#the magnus protocol #tma #the magnus archives #tmagp #rant post #theory

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vigilbutts · 10 months ago

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uhhh i saw people doing these so why not. anyways.

Additional stuff below readmore

Kalla is great for cuddling with and she can even become a furnace if you're feeling cold. A very fluffy snuggly furnace. She loves picking people up and fighting or wrestling with people... and holding people... Very hands-on gal. Get manhandled, nerd (but only if you're down for that). Just... don't let her cook anything. It will be both burnt and undercooked at the same time. There is also a chance she won't know it's a romantic date instead of a platonic date, because she is kinda dense. Lastly, don't mind the flames, they won't hurt you.

Luis gets a bit awkward on dates or when talking with new people because he is a bit of a workaholic and does not socialize all that much. He hates dressing up and doesn't care too much for overly fancy settings, so this WILL be a "casual" date...with lovely food they've cooked just for you (and if you like eating fish, he will catch them himself! for you!). It is an expensive restaurant high quality meal, without the expensive restaurant. They will also fall asleep during cuddles (he loves naps... and is afflicted with permanent sleepy bitch disease). May potentially show you his knife collection.

Aster is a big fan of making things go boom, so, naturally, that will be included in any date she goes on. But hey, you get a personalized fireworks show in the middle of nowhere (the only place she's allowed to make boom happen 😔). Also, she might even give you a piece of shrapnel she thought was cool. Or a rock. Or a piece of dragonbrand if yall really hit it off (yes, it would be a piece of her brand, chipped right off her hair branches). She doesn't really get what dates are beyond 'romantic stuff' and her love language is explosions and whatever cool thing she just found.

Senna will bring honey as a little date treat to share. She doesn't talk much and is very quiet when she does speak, as she prefers to Observe and listen. If you like to talk a lot, she will let you do it! Also, bonus points if you ask her about her interest in bees, she will hit you with the bee hyperfixation beam. Also, yes, the honey she brings is from her bee friends, and she will tell you all about the bees' favorite flowers.

The Ladies is your regular everyday overpowered sentient magical anomaly (mesmer flavored). She is very chaotic by nature of being a bundle of sentient magic, but she means well. Also they will be wearing a different outfit every time you look away. Because fuck you, magic wardrobe change. Also, she should not be the one organizing or planning the date, absolutely do NOT let her have that responsibility. She doesn't even know what a date is supposed to be like 😭. Also when you date The Ladies, you are also dating their clones. Because the clones are them, they are the clones. It's fine, dating her is like having 50 partners but they're all the same person.

Mesmer!Luis is less shy and awkward than his canon counterpart when it comes to dating, but is also slightly less of a romantic. He also doesn't have quite the same hangups around dressing up (but he will be very unhappy if he can't "dress" a little slutty with his illusions) and fancier settings! He will only cook you a little dessert treat and not a whole meal, but will let you touch his chest or biceps, if you like. Absolute cuddle fiend and he's warmer than a human should be, but it's fine, promise. This version is also less likely to fall asleep, but the chances are still decent enough that he might! Could be convinced to show off and flex his fun little mesmer tricks, if asked.

Beans is just a lil creature! This gremlin is not supposed to be charr in their usual form, so they are a little awkward and clumsy with this new form. May whack you with it's tail, that thing is sososo long compared to the tail it is used to. It will probably drag you into some wild adventure or scheme. It will also break the 4th wall and get very Meta. Beans is also very fond of memes and bright colors.

Alice has been a ghost since King Adelbern betrayed his people and bound their spirits to fight for an eternity against the charr. Alice is not fully bound any longer. In her free time, she enjoys a bit of sparring and... well... all this freedom is new so she doesn't know much about her own likes and interests beyond that! Also, she is like, really cute. If she likes you enough, she may even take off her helmet for you. She may also be subject to outbursts as she fights to keep control of herself. It would be Very Bad if the Foefire takes over (I advise running, if such a thing were to happen).

#text #some of these nerds have canon partners but! this is for funsies #had to include the silly meme options #also sorry i like taking character screens in mistlock for the lighting!!!! lmao #gw2 #valentines meme

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tonberry-yoda · 11 months ago

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Hi! I hope that there's still a spot available for the matchup event :) If so, I would like to be matched with someone from Hunter X Hunter! The only characters I wouldn't feel comfortable with are from the Zoldyck family.

By the way, my pronouns are she/her, and I'm straight. I think of myself as extroverted and outgoing. Maybe I get a little quiet or anxious at big parties, but if I see someone matching my energy or willing to talk I just can't shut up, so much that I worry that I might overshare. I like to tell jokes and make friends laugh in general. I can be a bit impulsive sometimes, jumping right into things when I'm not ready yet. And also I kinda tend to forget things, like signing up to exams 😭.

I love collecting vinyls, mainly rap and hip hop ones, and going to concerts. And in the meantime I love spending time with friends to go out and have a drink :) That's why I like more extroverted guys who have no problem in chatting and getting along with people. I've also been with introverts but extroverts are more my type.

I hope it wasn't too much! Thank you in advance if you take the request, I love your writing <3 xxx

notes - Anon!! Thank you for your patience for this, honestly, it means the world! I hope you're doing well and thank you so much for the compliment! I have the perfect man for you, so let's jump right in !! <3

THE CHARACTER I CHOSE FOR YOU IS...

he is a big ball of energy that will match your personality perfectly!

he will party hard and overall just have a good time with you

he loves your friends and loves to just hang out with you

i honestly feel like you two met because he was a friend of a friend and you hit it off from there

he loves laughing with you and making you laugh

he is the perfect extrovert for you and you two are always out having fun

and even if you're not out, you stay home listening to music

if you're forgetting things, it's likely that he is too, but honestly, I think he would be great at reminding you about stuff. he's a very organized dude, so I think he would make a shared planner for the two of you

you will often find him (when he's not hanging out with you) studying, which is super hot that he can be this overly amazing goofy guy in public and just be smart and quiet at home tee hee

he loves listening to you. oversharing doesnt mean anything to him, so if you have something to say, he is all ears

if anything, i think he loves hearing gossip, so if you've got it, he is already wrapped up with a robe and a glass of wine

~~~~~

2023 @tonberry-yoda – do not repost or claim ANY of my work as your own! likes, reblogs, and comments are not only welcome, but appreciated

~~~~~

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practically-an-x-man · 7 months ago

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Whatever Keeps You Around (Rick Flag x Eris)

Summary: Based on this prompt, Eris runs into an immortal surprise in a very mundane place. (Title from First Time by Hozier)

Word Count: 2.1k

Tags: Mild jealousy, mild possessive themes, some mentions of violence.

____

"Go see if they have any bread you like, hon."

Eris nodded, ducking past him and half-jogging up to the shelf of artisanal bread in the corner of the store. This was why he'd picked this store, even though it was small and pricey and overly-organic: Eris claimed it was the only place in New Orleans that made bread the right way, whatever they in their mind deemed the right way.

All Rick knew was that it cost about eight dollars a pop and was loaded with spices he couldn't identify, and that Eris could go through three loaves a week if he let them. Usually he did. The one perk to working for Amanda Waller was the paycheck, and that allowed him at least enough wiggle room to buy the right kind of bread.

She jogged back up to him, two loaves wrapped in paper in her arms, just as Rick had finished thanking the deli clerk for his cold cuts and cheeses. Eris tucked the bread into the shopping cart almost delicately and promptly plucked the deli bags from his hands to inspect his selections.

"Oven-roasted turkey? Not the herb kind?"

"Outta stock. I've got thyme and stuff back at the house if it really bothers you," Rick replied, "What kind of bread did you pick out?"

"Honey-rosemary and something they call rustic medley," Eris muttered, "I'll be the judge of that."

"Sounds pretty good," he agreed, "Maybe we can make butter to go with it."

Eris tilted his head, something Rick stupidly misinterpreted as a lack of understanding.

"I saw it online, you just put heavy cream and a little salt in a mason jar, shake it u-"

"I'd be willing to bet I'm more familiar with making butter than you are, Flag." Eris cut him off, sharp as always, "But why?"

"I dunno. Seems like fun."

"You have a real strange idea of fun. And this is coming from someone who lived through tapestry being the popular hobby." they jeered, but tossed a carton of heavy cream into the cart as they passed the dairy case. Rick tried to hide his smile. If anyone was the definition of 'actions speak louder than words', it was Eris.

He stayed close to Rick's side as they wandered the store, occasionally tossing things into the cart on what looked like pure whim. Cans of tomato soup, the ones Rick remembered mentioning were his favorite because they reminded him of his childhood, made their way in alongside pretzels and peanut butter and bars of high-cacao baking chocolate. It was far too bitter for his tastes, at least in anything other than baked goods, but Eris could snack on it like a Hershey bar. She liked it for the same reason she liked the artisanal bread, he thought. Nostalgia, or the closest thing to nostalgia they could find.

"Lasagna tonight? Or should we just find something to stick in the oven?" Rick asked, frowning at the prices of the pasta boxes on the shelves. Eris was back at his side in a moment, moving so quickly and silently that he would have jumped if he wasn't used to it.

"Hm. Neither. Make your pot pie." he decided, and Rick felt him lean in against his side, "I have a taste for it."

His mother's recipe, the one he'd tried so hard to get right after her death, now lived on as a favorite in the mind of a centuries-old metahuman.

That one made him feel good.

He knew Eris wasn't one for public affection, but he still couldn't resist wrapping his arm around their shoulders and pressing a kiss to the top of their head. He pulled back quickly, before Eris could wriggle away or complain about looking soft, and waved a hand at the produce aisle they'd left in their wake.

"Go grab me a bag of baby carrots and some green beans, then," he said, then paused and corrected, "In a bag. Not just loose green beans."

"I know that, smartass." Eris huffed, rolling her eyes at him as she walked away. Rick suppressed a chuckle.

There was someone else in the produce aisle, apparently trying to decide between a starfruit and a cherimoya. They were half a head taller than Eris, with wavy brown hair halfway down their back and a flowing blue sundress swishing around their knees.

Rick didn't pay them much mind, and was about to turn and grab a can of biscuits when Eris froze in his tracks.

"Julius?"

The taller figure whipped around so fast it must have given them whiplash, and their eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. Rick could see, even from afar, that their features had the same strangely archaic look as Eris' own, though perhaps a continent and a few centuries apart.

"Oh my- Eris?" they stammered, then gestured vaguely at themself, "And it's- er, Wisteria now. Wisty."

"Wisty." Eris repeated, as if testing out the name, "You're... very not dead, for someone three hundred years old."

"Made a deal with a witch a while back. And you're... very tame for how I remember you."

That made a grin flash across Eris' face, quick and sharp and promising only dark things.

"Try me."

But Wisty didn't flinch. She just smiled right back, though this one was nostalgic, almost soft.

The thought struck Rick like a bolt of lightning.

Eris had a type.

Underneath the flowing fabric of her dress, Wisty had to be at least as tall as Rick himself was, and just as stacked with muscle. Old scars littered what bare skin was visible around her clothing, like she'd been a fighter in a past life- or perhaps still was. And she knew not to flinch at those shark-smiles Eris threw at her. Just like Rick did.

The thought made something strange bubble up inside him. He wasn't sure he liked it. As strange and twisted as Eris' affections could be, he'd never before had competition for those affections. It was actually one of the best things about being with them, knowing they'd always drift back to him at the end of all the chaos.

It wasn't Wisteria's arrival alone that had him so tense. What really got him was the set of Eris' posture as he spoke to her: leaned back slightly on his heels, shoulders loose, head tilted ever-so-slightly in curiosity. Casual. Relaxed. The only time he'd ever seen Eris truly relaxed was when they were alone with him.

"We should catch back up." Wisty decided, a smile slowly growing on her face, "Go... spar like the old times or something. I'm a lot tougher than I used to be."

"I don't doubt it." Eris said, their spine automatically straightening at the promise of a good challenge.

He deserved this, Rick thought. This was some sort of cosmic payback for those two years he spent pushing her aside in favor of June, for snapping at all the times they suggested making him into a metahuman like them - it was all to keep him safe, to keep him around.

Well, here was someone who'd stuck around. Who'd played the long game, the centuries-long game, the way Rick was always so afraid to commit to. Who could hold their own against Eris, when she still had to pull her punches against him.

"What do you think? My lance and your spear, or hand-to-hand?" Wisty asked, playfully throwing up her fists with a broad grin. Eris returned the gesture, bouncing on his toes a little.

It was like he'd forgotten Rick was there, just ten feet back. And even as much as he wanted to call out, to remind them... he couldn't move. All he could do was watch it all unravel before him, the can of biscuits still held tight in one hand. Suddenly his mom's old recipe didn't seem to matter much.

"It'll be like before. You and me," Wisty said, "The old war god and the king's footsoldier."

Then there was a different kind of tension in Eris' posture. The shift was sudden, her chin lifted and her shoulders drawn back, all joviality transformed into something more guarded.

"I'm with someone." he said, each word crisply spaced, and brushed past Wisty with smooth, disciplined steps. They grabbed a plastic bag and shoved a handful of green beans into it, pausing only to pluck a few wrinkled and undesirable vegetables from the lot and toss them back. Wisteria turned, fixing them with a tilted expression.

"You told me you wouldn't love another. You told me love was too painful. You told me... that I was the last one."

Eris snatched a bag of baby carrots, holding them tight in her hand as she turned.

"I was wrong." they said, chin set and eyes blazing, "And if you do a damn thing to him, if you hurt him thinking that'll bring me back to you, I'll kill you where you stand. And I will feel no remorse."

With that, he stormed his way back to Rick and tossed the vegetables into the shopping cart.

"You were staring." they muttered, taking the can of biscuits from his hand and dropping it into the cart alongside the rest of the groceries. Then, to his surprise, they folded their fingers into his own. For Eris, that was the equivalent of a public strip tease. Rick gave her hand a gentle squeeze.

"Yeah, I know. Couldn't help it." he admitted, knowing better than to try and duck around it, "First time I've ever seen one of your old friends. Didn't realize there was anyone else... like me."

"She wasn't like you." Eris huffed, ducking around his arm to give the cart a brisk shove, "Nobody's like you."

"It's alright if she was." Rick argued, "I know I'm not the only person you've loved, doll. That's okay."

Eris opened his mouth to respond, then reconsidered and shook his head. It must've been a lot to explain, or something they couldn't bear to speak in such public company. Their posture was still tense, shoulders stony, and they didn't spare so much as a single glance back at the produce aisle.

"Nobody's like you." she just repeated, even more set and sullen. Rick decided there were two ways he could take that: a sign that this love was real, or a sign that the pattern would end up repeating itself in a few years. He decided to take it as the former. The latter, true as it might be, felt far too pessimistic.

"Rome!" a voice called from behind them, and finally Eris turned. Wisteria had caught up, and fire a glance between the two of them. Rick met her eyes calmly, and found something strange swimming there. She returned her gaze to Eris, unflinching. "A hundred years. Rome. Then we'll have our fight."

Rick could hear the other half of her words: because he won't be around by then. Maybe he should have been offended by the implications. He didn't bother. He'd always known there would be someone after him. He didn't expect to meet that someone, but... this was life with Eris. He'd learned to get used to things like this.

"Fine." Eris agreed, though the firm look never left her eyes, "I will meet you on the steps of the Colosseum in one hundred years exactly. We will have our fight."

Their grip tightened on his hand unexpectedly, right on the verge of being painful. Wisteria's eyes fell straight to it, and she frowned a little. Eris must not have been any more affectionate in their prior life.

"But you will get no love from me then." they concluded, "They will bury my heart when they bury him."

Rick saw hurt bloom across Wisty's face, a shocked and helpless sort of pain, but Eris just spun and gave the cart another brutal shove towards the checkout lanes. Rick found himself pausing an extra moment, looking into Wisty's shockingly crestfallen eyes and debating an apology.

In the end, he just shut his mouth and trailed after Eris, leaving Wisty where she stood. He had a sense that speaking to her would only make things worse. It was better just for him to be, in her mind, some speechless nameless thing at Eris' heels. It was probably safer for the both of them.

He caught up to Eris just shy of the checkout lanes, right as they set a rotisserie chicken in the front basket of the cart. She glanced up at him as he approached and offered him something like a smile. It was a little pointed, a little irritated, but he didn't mind that too much.

"You're mine." she muttered, possessive like a wolf to its mate, "Until they put you in the ground, you're mine."

"I love you too, wartime."

#my ocs #oc eris #my writing #oneshot #shortfic #the suicide squad #rick flag #oc x canon #light angst #happy ending

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hwnglx · 2 years ago

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can you do a current energy reading for bang chan? i’ve been pretty worried about him for a while now, he’s been pretty open about struggling lately and now with all of this recent stuff going on i’m just wondering how he’s doing with it all.

bangchan's current energy ﴾ may '23 based on tarot, take it with a grain of salt

10ofw&knofp, 2ofw&emper, 8ofsw, 5ofsw, 8ofp

the 10 of wands jumped out right away. chan can sometimes feel like he has the entire world on his shoulders. he's the type to make it look easy, but there's sooo much responsibility resting on him. i can really feel the weight of it while reading myself. however, combined with the slow, steady and stable knight of pentacles, i don't see the weight of it crushing him.

he's being patient. from this spread alone, i can tell that he exactly knows how to deal with burdensome periods, he's been through them many times before. he's experienced these type of struggles already, so it's nothing he can't handle.

he's a very wise, mature and assertive guy. he's taking charge of whatever situation is thrown at him, and is currently in the midst of carefully planning out his next steps. he's really saying "okay, this is what we're gonna do, this is what we are not gonna do." i even see his voice overpowering many higher ups. chan is definitely the main guy in not only his career, but also skz's careers.

you notice how i did not say anything about his mental state yet? that's because all the cards i got till later on, only show me his strength dealing with everything. i think, he has the toxic tendency to push everything concerning his own wellbeing to the complete background.

but, inside he's feeling some anxiety. honestly, i think this entire situation with ive made him overthink a lot. he feels like his intentions were misunderstood. he feels like there's this lack of power he has over people from the outside putting words in his mouth, it's causing a sense of hopelessness inside him. like, no matter what he says, he can't really win. chan being a double libra makes him soooo overly focused on being liked by everyone. he hates knowing that there's people who view him in a bad light now.

the eight of pentacles in the end is showing me, he's working hard. obv skz are preparing for their comeback, so i see most of his mind being there, but i can also see him at least trying to somehow work on his attitude towards situations like these. he's always focused on how to become a better influence on the people around him, so i see him working on overcoming these negative emotions he can hold on to sometimes.

something compelled me to pull out my moonology oracle deck and i pulled:

new moon in virgo: a time to give rather than take

-> he's overanalyzing things -> but gradual improvements are coming -> potential to fully restart in a clever and organized manner -> universe is telling him: "don't think about what others are doing to you, think about what you can do for them"

message that resonated most is: take care of your health!

he should eat better, have healthier routines, maybe seek out some therapy. i really see the universe telling him to get a counsellor, someone he can vent to freely.

#kpop tarot #stray kids tarot #skz tarot

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umemiyan · 8 months ago

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Hiii robin! If you're cool with it, I wanted to ask, is there a certain moment with your selfships when you realize you ship with them, or is it a slow process that just kinda happens?

hi romy!!!! ❤️

tbh it kinda depends and i'm not always totally sure LMAO i'm a little all over the place with it. like a lot of the time i have a hard time deciding and i'm trying to create a classification system in my head akfjofijwe tho it probably shouldn't be that deep my brain just loves to cling to systematization and gets frustrated when it can't properly execute it lmfao. but anyways i shall try my best collect my thoughts and describe how i perceive my tendencies!!

i'll put it below the cut bc i always ramble lolol

there are definitely some ships where it was more of a slow progression and i had to eventually be like "yeah okay this is what it is" because it was getting to the point where they weren't going to leave. i could easily envision more in-depth scenarios between them and myself and/or lore that just seemed to naturally spring up and i just kept thinking about them all the time.

i'd say megumi is a good example of the slow-burn. he honestly wasn't the kind of character that heavily struck me when i first watched the anime and started reading the manga; in fact, i recall being like "oh great, another little hateful emo boy" LOL (historically they're not usually the type i'm drawn to). but i got to know his character better over time and realized that like. damn. i have rather intense feelings about this guy adjewoijfwof

toji and jean were a bit more on the "slower" side of development as well i suppose. and not "slow" in the sense it took several months or years or anything (i've only been self-shipping for about a year) but it was something i had to ease into a bit more i guess.

i actually hated toji at first but then the daddy issues kicked into overdrive and i eventually started catching feelings LMFAO and jean was my first self-ship ever. he's the first one where i felt comfortable enough to imagine myself with someone like that <3 i hadn't really truly done anything like that in years, but i loved his character so much that i was starting to actually insert myself in reader stuff rather than completely detaching like i used to. i could see myself with him.

suga, on the other hand, was the kind that hit me like a freight train. maybe it's because i'm more comfortable with self-shipping now, but it was easier for me to realize it and take it to self-ship level pretty quickly. not only was i obsessed with him from pretty much the first fucking moment, but the subsequent relationship daydreams have been insane LOL i mean i gave it a little bit of time because i hate the idea of being overly impulsive and irrational due to infatuation but uh. i fucking love him lmao

katsuki is..... *sigh* idk. he also kind of hit me like a freight train, at least with the daydream scenarios and whatnot, and i was hoping and praying it was just a phase (still kind of am) but i guess i've sort of accepted that it's not. or it's at least a longer-lasting phase than most lol idk. but i can't stop thinking about him and i'd rather just go ahead and call it a self-ship instead of continuing to try and wait it out or deny it. the brainrot is bad

ANYWAYS sorry for being unable to shut the fuck up as per usual lmfao but yeah!!! i tried to give some examples of how this shit works in my mind. right now i guess i'm sort of organizing things by how regularly/consistently i think about a character over time and with what degree of ease i imagine myself with them in several scenarios, but this is by no means the sort of parameters i think everyone should use when it comes to this. people should do whatever the fuck they want i just take shit too seriously sometimes and wish i could be more chill actually instead of trying to create a classification system for everything in my brain 😃 but here we are

#letters.#moot: romy

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yveltalreal · 11 months ago

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sorry expanding on the dark type post. while yes a lot of dark types can be violent or scary, a lot of behaviors described im pokedexes tend to be specifically wild behaviors, exaggerated, or are old myths. a houndoom burn won’t burn forever, that’s a myth and an exaggeration, but because of the venom in their fire they do tend to cause the burning pain for fucking weeks, maybe rven over a month, and it also fucks hup the healing process making it take longer. until modern medicine, getting attacked by a pack of houndour and houndoom was basically a death sentance so people assumed it was forever because people rarely lived longer than a few weeks after, and the pain would still be happening.

and yes, some wild behaviors are stuff trainer’s should aim to emulate! giving a bisharp some pawniard to command makes them feel safer and more comfortable, as well as makes them easier to train and control in battle as they’re more likely to see you as a kingambit. yes, taking care of multiple in that line is hard, but bisharp is not the most beginner friendly pokemon anyways, and if you train the army well they become a whole lot easier to deal with than a defiant bisharp that sees a trainer as an equal or a pawniard. the thing is, you should also be careful while emulating this wild behavior with your bisharp because if you aren’t careful they could pick up more pawniard or become territorial. you cant just give them a pawniard or two and call it a day, you still gotta cement yourself as an authority figure in a way they respect, and they’ll respect you.

On the flip side, some wild behaviors shouldn’t be encouraged with caught pokemon. do not encourage your hydreigon to rip apart anything that moves. i let mine go ham in battle but she knows the limits of most other pokemon and will listen when i say stop becausr she is well trained. a owned hydreigon does not need to be overly brutal as that is both a hunting method and survival method, and even if you’re letting your pokemon hunt and stuff, YOU’RE IDEALLY THERE TO FEED AND PROTECT THEM IF SHIT GOES WRONG. but yea it depends on the pokemon, where you live, and ehat works for you.

anyways what im saying is like all pokemon, dark types can absolutely be brutal and dangerous, and dark types have their reputation for a reason. they especially seem to do shit that seems cruel at first. but you gotta remember often times pokemon dont realize their survival behaviors can harm others, and often times humns misunderstand a pokemons behaviour. dark types also tend to be EXTREMELY loyal and protectice when cared for correctly!

it makes me really mad and upset when its still commonly believed that absol cause disaster instead of warning people of them, that zoroark use their illusions to lure in and attack humans when usually their illusions tend to simply be used to scare off predators and hide their den and pups, and when A GOOD CHUNK of eevee and eeveelution dedicated organizations and groups still ban umbreon. progress absolutely has been made, especially thanks to gym leaders and e4 members using the type, and many used found for pokmon of these types being found in various competitive battle circles, making dark types much more destigmatized among some circles of trainers and certain towns and cities, but theres still a long way to go, especially when the word for the dark type in several regions is the evil type.

please remember that dark types are not inherently more dangerous than other types. a grooky is more likely to maul your child as a zorua

#pkmn irl #pokeblr #from m #guys im so normal about dark types did you know that (lying)

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blueberry-lemon · 10 months ago

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I really loved this show.

I did a quick Google + Tumblr search and found out there's a vocal group of people who hate this show? Which is a huge bummer, and now I guess I won't google around about it anymore lol, but…I wonder if it's partially because of the show not meeting what their expectation was going in.

Nagato was my favorite character from the Haruhi series when I watched the show and read the novels in ninth grade. She was also, if we're being blunt, my first anime crush. So this show basically had me right in its sniper crosshairs from the second I accidentally stumbled on it.

I'll organize these thoughts into three sections: Non-Spoilers, Spoilers for the Anime, and Spoilers for the End of the Manga.

Part 1:

The Disappearance of Nagato Yuki-chan is a slice-of-life romantic comedy about a shy high schooler named Yuki Nagato (first name, surname, whatever you know how it is, I watched the dub because I love the Haruhi dub cast lol)

It's a spin-off of the Haruhi Suzumiya series, and clearly takes inspiration from an alternate universe introduced in The Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya, which is the film that ended the anime.

The biggest difference between this show and the Haruhi Suzumiya series is that this show does not include aliens, time travelers, ESPers, or anything paranormal. It's just about the characters having silly fun time as high schoolers.

It's a weird vibe to jump into at first, but I really liked it overall. Possibly a hot take, but I love how Yuki is written in this show and I'm relieved that they didn't try to take the "blushing shy bookworm Yuki" version from The Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya as a literal inspiration. The Yuki in this show is funny, full of interiority, relatable, and more talkative.

Character-wise I also love Asakura and Haruhi in this show. I was on-edge about Asakura's status as a main character but by the end of the anime (and the manga) she was one of my favorites in the whole cast. Also her dub actor absolutely kills it in every episode. Haruhi, for me, is a strong improvement here than in her own actual series. She's written with care, depth, and humanity while still keeping her personality recognizable. She's much more sympathetic (both our sympathy, and her sympathy too) and it makes it a much easier watch. One of my thorns about the original Haruhi Suzumiya series is how overly cruel she is in the original.

Mikuru and Koizumi get the short end of the stick in this one. Mikuru gets a few lovely character moments ("i'll close my eyes!" is my favorite Mikuru moment across any of these series) but otherwise, both of these characters are basically just one-dimensional gags.

The most tiring parts of this show are when they lean back onto the "kyaaa you fell into my chest" jokes and stuff like that, which were extremely present in Haruhi Suzumiya. It's dumb, and not super funny. Luckily they're not too frequent, and there are ways I can sort-of justify the reason that they're in there, but it'd be a stretch.

All-in-all, I recommend this show to anyone who has watched Haruhi Suzumiya or read the novels! Just make sure you know that it's a silly slice-of-life and not a sci-fi extravaganza. I would not recommend watching this if you haven't seen Haruhi first.

Part 2:

Spoilers for all episodes of the anime below.

I feel like there are two main ways that you can approach this show, and maybe it's part of the reason why it got some backlash.

Interpretation A would be like: this is just a wholly separate story that has absolutely no paranormal stuff and absolutely no connection to the Haruhi Suzumiya story. It's a completely standalone, mundane, romantic comedy about entirely new versions of the characters. Thus, it has the creative right to re-interpret these characters however they choose, and is not obligated to feel "in-character", or have a big "payoff" or "tie-in" back to the Haruhi Suzumiya story.

Interpretation B would be like: this is a loosely tied multiverse story that is actually connected to the Haruhi Suzumiya series. It's the story of some sort of bubble universe that Nagato (the alien from the "Haruhi" series) created so that she can be a normal girl and experience emotions and relationships. Or, at the very least, she can create a new version of herself and let that new version loose in the bubble universe to see "how things would have gone if I was born a different person" or something like that.

I went into the show with both of these interpretations kind of equally floating through my mind, and I think there can be a lot of fun to that! You can do whatever you want. In terms of the writers' intentions, I feel like Interpretation A is the reality. There is absolutely no textual evidence for a multiverse or paranormal connection, and there's a scene later where a character seems to debunk the theory out loud. I think the creators of this series really just wanted to have full reign on it, and not be shackled by a multiverse or a literal followup to the Disappearance film/book.

If you go into the show expecting a multiverse reveal, you might be setting yourself up for disappointment. That said, I got some good emotional mileage out of the first half of the show by just muttering "This is what Nagato Prime must have wanted…" to myself at the end of every episode. Lol.

With that out of the way: again, this show really clicked with me. The gags are often pretty funny, the English dub cast is stellar, and the animation is great. There are a lot of things about this art style and character designs that I actually prefer over the original Haruhi Suzumiya by Kyoto Animation.

The show (and manga) are also really great at throwing in little blorbo chibis that I think are cute and funny.

Overall it's just a chill fun vibe. It's nice to "hang out" with these characters again, which is what I think has always been the crux of this whole multimedia franchise. As I mentioned, I think characters like Haruhi (and debatably Nagato) are even more fun to watch here than in the original.

Also, of course: the opening and ending are great and I've been listening to them on loop.

All this amounted to a fairly fun show that I was mostly enjoying (especially that Valentine's Day episode! My heart!!!) but everything really clicked with me once I hit Episode 10: Someday In The Rain.

(reminder, this is the anime spoiler section!)

The show immediately takes a SHARP turn in terms of tone in this episode. After being goofy rom-com silliness across most of the previous episodes, we are suddenly thrust into a sense of uneasiness. Yuki has a fall, having almost gotten hit by a car in the rain. From here, things become dead serious. She's acting strangely, and it's unclear what's going on.

For unexplained reasons related to her accident, her personality has completely shifted. Now, her demeanor is much closer to that of Nagato the alien from Haruhi Suzumiya. And it is not played off as a fun coincidence.

The show enters real drama territory as Yuki is acting strangely and her friends become really concerned for her. The music is completely different, the cinematography feels more unsettling. I was on the edge of my seat, and really appreciated that the show tackled this completely sincerely. Then they hit us with the whammy of Episode 11, where we jump back into Nagato's thoughts and see the day unfold from her perspective.

This turn throws us into a multi-episode arc that lasts pretty much the rest of the show (although is really only a "mid point" in the manga.) Nagato is a new person after the accident. Although she has access to all of Yuki's memories, they don't feel like her own. She has a completely new personality, and is having a conflicted out-of-body experience piloting Yuki's day-to-day life. She has new desires, new interests, new fears, and a new outlook. Now, she has to form new bonds with Kyon and Asakura.

I really like how this plays out dramatically, but it's also just fun in its own right. It's like the creators being like "look, we can write the old robotic Nagato too", and to great effect. It forces Asakura and Kyon to challenge their assumptions and make a new friend. It also, eventually, gets some pretty good gags.

It also gives us a short, emotions-packed, "fast-forwarded" version of the story's whole romance. The love that blossoms between Kyon and this new version of Nagato is, at least for me, really resonant and believable. It also forces this Nagato to be more introspective and brave than her romcom-Yuki counterpart, because this Nagato is reckoning with something that Yuki doesn't: the fear of having dwindling time.

I really adore this arc and it gets me choked up. I thought they nailed it, and honestly this version of "stoic Nagato" is still more interesting to me than any version of Nagato from the original Haruhi Suzumiya series. Blasphemous hot take, I know.

If you subscribe to Interpretation B how I mentioned above, there's some fun here to have if you want to headcanon that this accident is somehow the alien Nagato exerting control over this bubble universe. Maybe it's a thought experiment for Nagato the alien is find out if Kyon could ever truly fall with her monotone and stoic self. Again, I don't think that's at all what the writer intended, but it's a fun headcanon.

I think there's lots of other ways to connect with this arc. We all ask ourselves who we really are under the surface. Do your friends like the "real you"? Can someone fall in love with the "real you"? How do you even decide what side of your personality is more real?

I also think that living in a digital world of smartphones and social media does pretty much force us to have these out-of-body experiences. We are able to replay our own memories as outside observers, and wonder if that was really us who did all those things that are enshrined in digital evidence. I could relate to the things that the new Nagato was toiling over, even if nothing like this has ever happened to me.

I'm sure there are dozens of other connections and interpretations you can make with this arc, including neurodivergence and plural systems and recoveries from real-life brain injuries and accidents. It gave me a lot to think about.

On a bummer note, the anime basically wraps up here. I don't know if they were hoping to get another season or what, but this arc basically ends up having to serve as the culmination and ending of the anime. I don't love that, because it kind of ends the anime on a weird note.

Part 3:

Spoilers for volumes 6 through 10 of the manga below.

The anime ending felt so quick, it had me dying to check out the manga. I had to know how this all ended. What happens after this crazy experience? Do Kyon and Yuki fall in love for real???

The remaining manga volumes were a joy to read. We get even more blorbo chibis, and even more Asakura-being-a-self-conscious-mom. We got to see Kyon and Yuki, back to her normal self, bonding and growing together through the rest of their high school.

The final volume/arc in particular, centering on Asakura, I thought was great and really brought her character (and Yuki) to a satisfying conclusion.

I don't know how romcoms usually end, but I was happy to have this one give us a very corny and sweet "well here's them at graduation and afterward" fast-forward through time. I live for that stuff. Also the stuff at the end with the different haircuts and learning to cook, it was great and it felt like it really propelled Yuki forward in a way that characters from the original Haruhi Suzumiya don't really get to permanently change.

I think the manga really benefits from telling the entire story of their high school career and not ending at the conclusion of the personality change arc. With this more zoomed out view, that experience was almost like a traumatic event that they both went through, which helped solidify their feelings.

Anyway, all of that is to say…I think this is a really cute, special story and I'm glad I dipped a toe back into my Haruhi Suzumiya phase to check it out. I know it's not the surreal sci-fi story of the original, and it deals more in "mundane" than in "novelty." But I think that's more what I was looking for, these days.

At the very least, Nagato's status as "favorite anime character" has been re-earned, and can now be defended for years to come.

#the disappearance of nagato yuki-chan #nagato yuki-chan #haruhi #haruhi suzumiya #the melancholy of haruhi suzumiya #nagato #yuki nagato #anime #review #blogofkylelab

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honoringthehorrific · 8 months ago

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Is Late Night with The Devil worth tuning in for?

Don't adjust those sets...spoilers in 5..4..3..2...

First off sorry for not being able to find a gif from the movie! Tumblr gave me a real hard time with that one.

Second off I would like to say I do not support the use of AI art. I think it is abysmal. I watched this movie with my partner after saving up points at our local theater for free tickets. If this still supports the movies we see in some way please let me know and I will be sure to find another way to better watch these movies without supporting their actions...🏴‍☠️🦜 It just may mean you get your reviews a touch later!

Onto the movie. The aesthetics were very enjoyable I could appreciate the ties back to satanic panic and the fascination with the occult. The costuming, the filming of the movie, it all felt right and very few times did I feel my immersion in it break. I feel like maybe there were one or two shots where the actors looked too well made up if that makes sense.

One fun fact my partner pointed out was that you can see the twin towers in the opening shots and the city cut aways because they were built 4 years prior! I really liked that this movie didn't shy away from showing us the towers mostly because I feel like that's something that would have broken the idea we are in the 70s.

While the filming was fitting and awesome the effects were....I would say B tier at points. I think it adds to the charm of course I can always appreciate a homemade effect but it does slightly pull me out of this being something that really happened. Don't get me wrong I know it's not trying to be the next Blair witch "true story" but i feel like there is some level to this that wants the audience to feel that this is real.

My partner notes too that cutting it from a television camera view to the audience view might have helped as well!

Onto the fun stuff, we get hints throughout...sorry no, not hints...we get TOLD throughout the movie that our star of tonight's show, jack delroy, is in a fraternal organization...sorry, i mean cult. He is in the Bohemian Grove cult. We get told there are rumors of this in the opening almost documentary style retelling of Jack's fame and struggles with being as good as Johnny Carson. We'll come back to that.

Tonight is 1977. Halloween night. Sweep week. A night where Jack really needs to scrape in the views. He has no idea that the plans he has this evening will go awry...recently his wife madeline who will be reffered to by her "special nickname" mini has passed away from lung cancer. Tonight's show is also jacks first one back and man is it a doozy. We get to see how he banters with his co-host and honestly kind of berates him. I had this struggle with jack where I wanted to like him but every time I tried I just got these kicks and hints that he was kind of an asshole? But it's show biz, who isn't? His first guest is a medium who intends to commune with the dead. He seems like other shoddy Vegas types until he accurately assess a family who lost their son and brother to suicide. It's later revealed to be a bunch of hooey when the next guest a renowned skeptic chats with the family and realizes they were questioned prior to the show.

The first chilling moment we get that isn't the use of AI art is the medium seemingly becoming possessed by the grieving spirit of mini however no one claims the name and only later does jack reveal he thinks the message was for him.

I'm not gonna foot around it. The use of AI art while not overly used and egregious it's present. Personally it being present feels like an issue. It bugs me and it should bug you. I know many people want to cut it a break for being an indie film but it doesn't take much to put some money towards what was it? 5-6 pieces of art? Yeah some people will have higher rates for working on this but I'm sure they could have found someone to do the art if they felt theirs wasn't up to par. I don't think they're fully evil or anything for it. I don't support AI art but I can understand the other side of the argument. However when you turn a blind eye to one film and it does well it doesn't matter if it's an indie project or not. It makes the big guys think hey we like this. Give the devil an inch and he'll take a mile right?...

That all being said I could ignore the cut aways kind of??...I paid attention for mistakes the first few times before the sight of them just elicited an annoyed eyeroll from me.

As the movie progresses we meet the skeptic. He's offering checks to people who can prove without a doubt that they're the real deal and he says hes not lost a nickel yet. The medium claims he doesn't want the money and when Jack vouches for him and says the last message was meant for him the medium's behavior gets more and more erratic before he finally spews black vomit all over the studio including onto the skeptic.

Little do we know on the way to the hospital our medium turns up dead. This starts to brew panic in the crew and our co-host as our next guests are brought on. June and Lily. Lily was found as a 10 year old by the authorities as the only surviving member of a satanic cult that kind of parodies the satanic church and Anton lavey. Lily is possessed by a demon she calls mr.wriggles. mr.wriggles is an interesting one alright! Wether it's trauma, the demonic possession or my boyfriend's theory- autism. Lily exhibits off behaviors like staring directly into the cameras and seeming very monotone at times. It isn't until Jack pushes for and honestly...kind of corners June on live TV that June and Lily decide to showcase Lily's ability. Man does this demon have something to say.

The demon begins by noting that him and Jack know each other hinting at a tie between the Grove cult again. Before intent focuses again on June. Calling her out for her and jacks relationship and telling her to remember what happened to his last whore. Possession doesn't cease until June slaps the girl. Let me tell you I didn't trust this at all. June goes to undo the straps after some crazy electrical issues and levitation and I just felt uneasy the whole time. That typical feeling while watching these movies of "are you stupid??" Lily in my eyes had a very sinister look to her still that later gets touched on again. We then get the skeptics explanation and recreation with hypnosis. Making our co-host believe his phobia of worms is suddenly real life with them wriggling from his neck stomach and lastly eyeball. Only for us to cut back to reality with his activation phrase and see that none of it was true. They watch the tape back and realize that the whole audience was hypnotized because none of that truly happened on their TV sets. However when watching back what happened with Lily it triggers the girl.

She levitates and glows while her head splits open. She immolates the skeptic when he offers the hefty check in exchange for his life and hangs her guardian/doctor by the necklace meant to keep the demon at bay. And unfortunately our chunky loveable co-host gets his neck snapped when trying to "the power of Christ compels you" the demon away. It isn't until we get this gorgeous dream like sequence after Jack seemingly gets away. Him going through the routine of the show only to try and escape. Him telling us to turn off our sets and stop watching before we get a sequence with the cult and him drinking from a chalice as he meets his wife. She reveals that he sacrificed her health for fame. He didn't know. And this is where I felt sympathetic for him....the entire time he was unaware...he murdered her unintentionally. And so she asks him to murder her in the physical. Take the ritual knife from Lily's old home and finish her off before the cancer can take her....only for him to plunge the knife into her and reveal that the dream was fake. And he has stabbed Lily to death. He stands and we get a heart wrenching scene of him trying to say the skeptics activation phrase to wake up while surrounded by the carnage he somewhat unknowingly caused...

Overall I give this 3 worms out of 5.

The AI made my eyes roll and the effects were corny but the premise and scenery and aesthetics were beautiful. I sort of reccomend it if you can watch it in a non supporting way.

#late night with the devil #not an aesthetic #regurgitated reviews #horror

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