#maybe i just didn't vibe with that they reblog anymore

[depoteka]

whenever i open my following blogs list and notice i'm not mutuals with somebody anymore i can't help but wonder what the last straw was

[dykeomania]

PLS write smut for Hazel from bottoms..I need her so bad I fear..maybe like subtop!hazel..is her having a strap too far..I need her..

this is not. a full fledged fic. but this is the first time in a sec that ive let myself be inspired by an ask. this is weirdly switcher and just pure gay-sexier than it is subby!hazel. lmk if you want things to get subbier, bc i can probably do that. but for rn i have.. this image.. and i want you to walk with me on this but also hold my hand because i'm #supershy,

(minors [including 17 year olds 🙏🏽] dni fr, under the cut: not that proofread. strap lol (r!r), foul language, breeding... language... (my bad) (hazel has a strap tho), subtop!hazel except i could've made this shit so much worse so i guess switch!hazel but like, switch!reader, idk everyone's just a whore. there's an "i love you" (or.. multiple, i guess). there's a mirror. there's a vibrator. purely stream of consciousness, i don't even think the position they're fucking in makes physical sense fr. i was bored and i was thinking, so i wrote a lot. this whole thing is not realistic btw. i have very little confidence that hazel's blowing anyone's back out, but. it's my first day out in a min so i'm rusty. all respect to the community. next time when i pull up, i'll offer something a little more tame and saccharine as opposed to [exaggerated p*rnstar moans!!!]. reblogs and whatnot appreciated.)

so, i have this .. picture.

of you putting a bullet vibe in the pocket of hazel's strap before she fucks you from behind for the first time.

she eventually finds the confidence to blow your back out, and tbh, you think it's gonna end with you seeing stars because you can already hear the fucking lottery machines going off in your head. she's fucking you so well, and hazel's problem is that you're letting her know.

at first she thinks she's going crazy. but those fucking mewls into the pillow over how deep she is, how she's making you feel so good, how you've missed her so much, are sending shocks through her clit that the vibe keeps amplifying, everytime her pelvis hits your ass.

if she thrusts hard enough, which god knows she does, it almost makes her buckle over.

you're left clenching the sheets, and gasping against the linen while she fucks you, taking you in a way that's so uncharacteristically perverse that you don't even have the brain capacity to ask yourself why you didn't ask her to take you like this, sooner. her thrusts are quick and shallow, her words breathy and a little sharp. with every jolt of your body forwards as she experimentally blows your back out, it's like you feel yourself becoming more and more removed from this fucking planet. you can't help but cry -- sob, even -- as she makes you into a mess of limbs, leaving you tugging at your tits in one split second, and gripping at the sheets the next.

something happens, though.

where her hips rut into yours in deep, hard thrusts, spaced out by what feels like eternities, you can hear her. she's moaning now, breath quickening and chest rippling everytime her crotch hits yours at a particular angle. she's mewling, and unless you're hallucinating from how fucked up you are, you can hear her --

"fuck... f--uuh--ck, fuck, fuckfuck..."

-- silently beginning to whimper.

the girl goes from bullying your cunt to burying her strap deep enough in it to make the apex of its curve nudge against your g-spot, in a way that leaves your mouth hanging wide open with nothing spilling out of it maybe other than drool, but...

it's the slick warmth of hazel's back pressed nearly flush against yours and the heat of her breath against your shoulder that makes your eyes flutter open, facing your reflection in the floor-length mirror stationed across from hazel's bed.

hazel's in it so deep, you can't even see the strap anymore. and by no exaggeration, it's like an earthquake pulses through her body everytime she nudges her hips into your ass, making your vision blurry. she's rutting into you. greedily grinding her strap into your cunt in the effort of chasing her own high.

it wasn't a secret that hazel was sensitive. more often than not, the poor girl writhed against your mouth whenever she let you put it on her ("let you" is a loose sentence -- she begs for it, sometimes). you don't even know why you're surprised that your girlfriend is getting this close over having a bullet vibe pressed against her clit, hardly protected by fabric. "b--babe--"

what sounds like a plea, amongst the feeling of hazel's thighs trembling against the back of yours, inspires something sinister inside you.

you wind your hips against her, pressing back against the strap and the toy. the sight of your ass rolling against hazel's pelvis, combined with how good it feels is gonna actually, like, make hazel fucking--

"don't cum."

she loses her breath, entirely, and her rhythm, apparently. she slows, as if that was her body's instinct to obey your orders, despite the string of breaths that tumbles out of her mouth. "n-- wha-- fuck, no, nonono--"

you wind your hips deeper into hers, extracting a moan from your own throat -- fuck, maybe your gut, since that's how deep you could feel her. you press your ass into her until you feel the buzz of the vibe against folds, the frequency of it changing and humming as you press it further into her clit. "y--es," you grit. "don't fucking cum yet, hazel."

the dull, rolling vibrations through the fabric of the strap draw hazel's eyes into the back of her head, and then closed. she's grunting now -- or all of the above -- and she tries her best to unchap her lips, fruitlessly dragging over them. the little breaths she takes through them only brings them back to being puffy, pink, and a gateway of noise that gives evidence to struggle.

"gonna let me count you down?" you puff out your sentence in one breath, and hazel can fucking hear the grin in your still-fucked-out tone and it makes her whine louder.

"yeah? gonna fuckin' let me count you down so you can cum in me, haze?"

cum.. in you. three words that you'd never even fucking uttered to her before this, and that she never fucking thought she would ever hear and.. it looks like she can't complain, because her eyes roll into the back of her head and hazel swears that she -- at least, briefly -- meets jesus christ, "oh my god--," hazel slurs, hips rolling impossibly deeper into yours, it's a miracle she hasn't swabbed your cervix yet -- "ohmygod, oh my god--"

"three..."

ohfuck. ohfuck,ohfuck,ohfuck,ohfuck. it's the soft chorus that she whispers to herself as she starts to fuck herself into you, again, opting for thrusts as a means of trying to regain control with no consideration for your demise. the vision of her blurs in the mirror, and you feel your fists grasping at her sheets again.

"fuck--" you croak. "t--two.."

she pulls you further into her, and at this point, hazel's okay with being written off as a lost cause, 'cause fuck, it's not like she has a choice. the strap brief is soaked and it's entirely your fault, and god, she throws her head back. a mess of words, a mess of sensations, hazel just blurts, "oh my g--od--i love you--"

you burst out laughing at the random proclamation, admist everything.

she forces her head down to watch you, jaw hung open. and at this point, she's just speaking. rambling and slurring and gasping, tears-in-eyes-in-awe-and-all, as she watches you throw your ass back against her.

"iloveyou so much, you're so f--ucking hot, whatthefuck?--"

there's something weirdly sweet about it. something that makes your cunt clench around the strap in a way that hollows you out shortly thereafter, and lets hazel hit that fucking spot just right. before you know it, you're wherever hazel is, cunt fully creaming around the silicon.

"i love you--" you dumbly spit out a giggle, a gasp causing a steam of spit to cascade off your bottom lip and onto hazel's navy sheets. "babe," you warn. "ohfuck, ohmyfuckinggod, you're gonna make me cu---"

"fuckingsayone," hazel, unbelievably pleads while she unbelievably spears her strap into your cunt. "oh my fucking god, say one, please, please, pleaseplease--"

she starts begging. unprompted. "it's s-so good, it's so, so good, feels so fucking good, wanna c--um in you--" and she probably repeats it. probably repeats that she wants to cum in you until she's blue in the face and,

"o-one--"

until you let her.

the noise that's ripped from hazel's throat is .. embarrassing. virginal, almost. fully reverberates off the walls, and she trembles. her clit convulses against the vibe, twitching with every short stream of her release and she folds. poor girl was holding your hips for something -- for reassurance, to get a grip, dear life, perhaps? as her hips languidly fuck and press into the surface of your ass., rocking your near limp-frame after you've pretty much creamed all over her strap.

hazel hangs over you for god knows how long, dark hair shaggy and some strands stuck to her forehead in wavy wisps. cheeks flushed, and lower lip bitten to hell. the bullet vibe fucking dies, thank god almighty, because god knows she was not in any shape to reach down and turn it off.

she stays like that for a while, until she you feel her again. this time, only gentler, and much more like herself. soft hands caressing the skin of your back, her breath warm and shaky as she peppers a splay of kisses across your skin.

as you come from the surface of your own high, you feel yourself hum. still full of her, and dizzy with it. despite it, you manage -- slurring, slightly.

"haze?"

there's a hum, somewhere.

"did that really feel that good?"

hazel distantly nods, brown locks brushing against your back.

"uh.." hazel frowns, letting out a weak laugh. "y-yeah, honestly."

the mental note gets filed away somewhere deep in the haze of your brain and you grin, when you press your ass one against her just for shits and giggles and hear her gasp, from the sensitivity of it alone.

"that's my girl."

[withleeknow]

for the requests — i'll send two songs that i've liked for quite a while and you can choose the member that you see who fits the vibe?

sand by dove cameron

and

make you mine by madison beer

conversations with strangers.

pairing: seungmin x gn!reader genre/warnings: exes to ??, non-idol au (i wrote this with seungmin in mind as a celebrity/singer or musician of some sort so it's pretty vague and it's not explicitly mentioned what he actually does, so if you wanna imagine him as an idol it still fits the narrative. i can't tell you what to do lol), Angst™️! (i think. i liked this at first but then i was looking at it so much that i became desensitized to it and idk if it's that sad anymore lol); the ending is a little ambiguous maybe?, mentions of drinking, mentions of sex, could've been more edited word count: 2.9k note: this might be one of my favorite things that i've written lately but i am also in my fish freshly dropped on land era so i am fully prepared for this to flop like ass lol bye

as always, i’d appreciate any thoughts or comments you may have, and please drop a like and/or reblog if you enjoy reading ♡

navigation / request masterlist / ko-fi

I saw the end when we began You couldn't love the way I can I tried to bargain with the stars For more than half of your heart But you have more pieces of me than the desert has sand And I have less pieces of you than I can hold in my hand

Sand - Dove Cameron

"Why did you call me?"

"Why did you come?"

There isn't a good answer to his question, so you choose to ignore it in favor of keeping your eyes on the road, your fingers holding tightly onto the steering wheel. You don't know what to tell him. You yourself aren't even sure why you came to that bar, why Seungmin is sitting in your passenger seat right now just because he was drunk and he wouldn't let anyone take him home but you.

"I asked you first," you say. It takes an effort to keep your voice even, an effort not to look over at him.

"Don't know," he sounds like he couldn't care less, but that's always been Seungmin for you. "Old habits die hard, I guess. You were the only one I used to call."

You round a corner without even having to look at the GPS. The route to his place is still ingrained in your brain even after all this time. On some nights when you feel too stuffy indoors, you would go on a walk by yourself. Directionless for an hour or two, you just want to feel the wind wrap around your body and solid ground beneath your feet.

On these same nights, you would find yourself at Seungmin's door.

It's always unintentional, the way your feet would carry you to his home without your permission.

"Used to," you reiterate. "Past tense. You don't get to call me anymore. I'm not your chauffeur."

You feel his eyes on the side of your face. Then his voice, ever so calm and collected, "You came anyway, didn't you?"

His words irritate you for some reason, even though he means nothing bad. No malice in his voice; he's just simply stating a fact. You did come when he called, and perhaps the person that you're really annoyed with is only yourself, because why did you come?

He should be a stranger to you by now, and yet, you're here.

Maybe you know the answer. Maybe it's not a hard question at all.

You let the both of you wallow in silence for the rest of the drive. When you pull up to Seungmin's building about ten minutes later, you finally turn to cast your gaze upon him with your eyebrow slightly raised, a polite Get out if there ever was one.

Instead of taking the hint like a normal person and going on his merry way, he just stares at you with his big eyes and his hair still styled to perfection even after a night of celebrating and drinking. Seungmin loves to be difficult, this you can't ever forget.

"Well?" you press. "You're home."

He blinks, then swallows thickly. He looks around your car for a few seconds, unsure of himself. If he wasn't intoxicated, you would think he's trying to stall.

"I... I can't go up by myself," he says.

"Are you serious?"

He just nods, something expectant in his gaze.

"You're a grown man."

"Help me up." He doesn't sound all too drunk, but maybe he's just got a way of masking it because Seungmin would never outright ask for help. He's stubborn, and he thinks it makes him look weak. Incapable.

In the end, you give in to his request. You let him lean on you in the elevator on the way up to his floor, the scent of his cologne still overpowering the bourbon he had all night and it makes you just a little nostalgic.

At his door, you hold onto his waist and look away when he punches in the passcode. The door unlocks and this should be it for the two of you, your unexpected reunion should be ending the moment Seungmin crosses over to the other side of the threshold, but he just turns around and looks at you, his body against the frame of the door this time.

"There, you're home safely," you say. "I've done my part. Goodnight."

"Come in."

"Why?"

"I'm tired. Come in." And with that, Seungmin retreats into the apartment, leaving the door open for you to follow without any further explanation at all. For a moment, you stand there by yourself, not really sure of what to do. You hear him shuffling inside, before the sound of his body plopping onto the couch carries over to your ears.

What business do you have here? What business did you have with Seungmin in the first place today?

And yet, you find yourself trailing inside, closing the door behind you until the lock clicks into place. Maybe you're curious to see what the place looks like since the last time that you were here. The two of you never lived together - you weren't foolish enough to agree even though he did ask - but you were over often enough to consider this your second home.

Not much has changed. It's still the same minimalist four walls that you were used to. Same light gray paint, same black couch. Same framed signature of his favorite baseball player and same tiny crack in the decorative bowl on the coffee table. There's a photo on the credenza lying face down seemingly on purpose, but you don't say anything about it.

"What am I doing here?" you ask.

"Why did you come?" he shoots you the question for the second time tonight.

You blink at him. He only stares back.

"Why did you call me?" you repeat. "Why did you really call me?"

Questions thrown out but no answers received, like you're both running in circles, with neither of you knowing why you're even running in the first place.

Seungmin purses his lips before he stands up, the suddenness of the movement leaves him unsteady on his feet, makes him hold onto the couch's armrest for support. "Do you want some water?"

You bite the inside of your cheek. "Okay."

"Give me a second. Have a seat."

You watch as he pads into the kitchen a little wobbly, then returns a few minutes later with two glasses of water. He sits back down on the couch next to you, some distance dividing the two of you. He takes a sip, you do the same.

"Called you because I missed you," he says, casually admitting it like he was merely discussing the weather. The place hasn't changed, but maybe he has.

The last time you spoke to Seungmin was about six months ago, when he dropped off your things two weeks after you broke up. You haven't had any contact since, and that's exactly the way it should be for you and him now. You went your separate ways and that was it. A mutual agreement that hurts, but it was mutual nonetheless. For the past half a year, all he's been to you is a stranger. You know why it had to happen. You agreed to it.

But, just because you haven't talked, doesn't mean that you haven't thought of him. You wish he only crossed your mind in passing, wish your brain only conjured up the image of him whenever you saw something that he would like, or whenever you caught a glimpse of him on the TV or radio. In reality, it's been much more pathetic. You think of him almost every day, despite your best efforts to cleanse yourself of everything that's remotely related to the name Kim Seungmin. His absence carries itself with you all the time, a hollowness that seeps into every crevice of your life.

You know he means it. Seungmin doesn't lie, least of all to you. His honesty twists inside of you like a knife. Salt, meet wound.

You have no words to offer him, no response you can think of that would make sense to say out loud so you don't say anything. The only sound that falls from your lips is his name, like a warning, a plea, a consolation all at once.

But he doesn't seem to mind. Not his sudden vulnerability, not your reluctance to entertain that split second of honesty.

"I answered your question. Now you have to answer mine," he says. "Why did you come?"

"What do you want me to tell you?"

He doesn't respond right away. Instead, he takes a moment like he's mulling it over in his head. "Thought maybe you missed me too," he says eventually, ending the sentence with a bitter chuckle. "Just a little bit."

You tongue your cheek, stall with another sip of water before you place the glass on the table. On a coaster of course, Seungmin hates cup rings on his fancy table.

You lean back to rest on the couch, staring up at his boring ceiling. There are memories of you on this very couch, ones of you lying with your head on his lap as he plays with your hair, the two of you winding down after a long day. Or ones that are far too inappropriate to bring up ever again, of nights where you were both too desperate and impatient to take it to the bedroom. Those gentle reminders are still here somewhere, tucked between the cushions perhaps.

"Sure." You hum, nodding along. "Let's go with that."

Another chuckle, humorless. Though, you think he's pleased enough with that non-answer but you're not sure. He mirrors your position, falling into the couch with a sigh. From your peripheral vision, you think he's scooched closer to you, just by a few centimeters, in the process of settling into the sofa.

"My turn," you say. "Why do you want me here?"

"What is this, 21 questions?"

You shrug simply. "You asked me to come in. I'm just curious."

When Seungmin stays silent for a beat too long, you turn your head to watch him, thinking maybe he's knocked out because of the alcohol in his system. But you find him wide awake, his eyes staring ahead, looking like he's already sober.

His face is unreadable when he says, "Wanted to see something."

"See what?"

"See if something is still there."

It's your turn to remain quiet as you process his words, and it's Seungmin who has to turn to gauge your reaction.

"And? Is anything still there?" you ask.

"I don't know, you tell me. You're the one that stayed."

"Does it matter? If I say there is?"

"Of course it does."

"What would you do about it?"

He goes still once more. You know he doesn't have an answer to your question. What would he do? What could he even do? Patch things up only for them to fall apart again in a couple months? Once upon a time, you were naive enough to think that you could find a way to make it work. You had enough blind faith to think that it would all work out in the end; that if you wanted it enough, maybe the universe would let you have this one thing.

You return your gaze to the ceiling. He's shown you his cards, maybe it's only fair that you show him some of yours too.

An uncertain inhale, then the realization that this is the only time you would be able to have an honest conversation with him about this.

"Wanna hear something funny?" you ask.

"I have a feeling you're gonna tell me anyway."

It's anything but funny, and Seungmin is certain that you're not building up to a punchline. Sure, it's a little tragic that nothing matters, but there's some freedom, some comfort in that too. You can tell him everything that's plagued your mind for the past couple hundred days or so without having to worry about the repercussions. Even though not all is said, everything is already done.

"You know, you were mine before you were anyone else's," you say. You feel his eyes on the side of your face. The silence persists, and you aren't sure if you can take it as a sign to continue, but you do so anyway because at least he's not pumping the brakes on it, right? "I used to be jealous of your life. Toward the end, I mean."

"Jealous of what?"

"I don't know. Just your life, your dream. All of it."

Seungmin blinks. "You were jealous that I got to live my dream?"

"I said I was jealous of your life, not you," you correct him. "Because you always seemed to want everything else more than you wanted me."

"You make it sound like I was the bad guy." He turns a little defensive all of a sudden, an edge in his voice when he says, "That's not true."

You still remember him well enough to know that it is.

And it's not such a terrible thing; it's simply the truth. You can't fault him for having a dream and for having enough courage to see it through, even if it means unintentionally leaving you behind in the process. You could foresee the end even from the beginning. If you wanted to blame someone, you would have to blame yourself too.

You swerve around his metaphorical walls, his make-believe suit of armor. If you'd been nervous around Seungmin tonight, then that anxiety is now chipping away brick by brick the more you internalize the fact that nothing matters anymore.

"Remember your last show before we broke up? You were so happy, I was so proud of you. You belong on stage and I never wanted to take that away from you. But then I noticed the crowd, the thousands of people out there cheering your name and I realized that I would never compare to them. Their praise meant more to you than mine, and it was only a matter of time before you outgrew me to look for bigger and better spotlights.

"I'm not saying you were wrong for any of it. I don't blame you. You were always going to outgrow me. It's sad, but it's okay. I always knew that you'd have to leave me behind at some point. It's on me too; I just fell too hard too fast for someone who could never stay. It's your dream, you can't help it. But that night... that was the nail in the coffin for me, knowing that one day, to you, I would be just one of the faces in a crowd that you can't even tell apart."

It doesn't hurt as much as you thought it would. In fact, it's even a little cathartic to pour out the words that have been sitting heavy on your chest. Although it's not until a single tear spills over that you realize your eyes have welled up somewhere along the way. You quickly wipe it away with your thumb, then you feel his hand reach for yours after a few beats.

Seungmin calls your name, and you can hear the regret in his voice. When you look at him, his eyes have softened, no longer on the defense now that you've beat him to the offense. "I'm not drunk enough to forget about this in the morning, you know," he says.

"Does it matter? What are you going to do about it in the morning?" you ask. "We're already broken up. It's not like we can go anywhere from here. But at least now you know what it was like for me."

It seems to be a common theme tonight - stretches of silence in between admissions of truth so that one of you can gauge the other's reaction, trying to assess what path would be worth it to take at this crossroad you find yourselves unable to move on from.

Then he's tugging on your hand, pulling you to him until you're in each other's orbit again. Close enough for him to wrap his arm around you. Close enough that you're weak, not that you were ever that strong to begin with. It doesn't really come as a surprise that you let him.

"I..." Seungmin starts, full of uncertainty as he tries to string together a sentence. "We could go back."

This isn't a surprise either, that you're considering his words.

"What happens when it ends again?"

You can practically taste the residual bourbon on his breath when he leans into you, his lips brushing your cheek just slightly. "Then it ends again," he says, a little pained, all too selfish. "But it'll be worth it. It's worth it to me."

"What if it's not what I want? What if it's not worth it to me?"

He pulls back, putting some distance between your faces so he could see you better, the deep brown of his eyes searching for something that you're both aware of.

"You came tonight," he murmurs, as if that in and of itself is a sufficient enough explanation. "You stayed."

Not all is said, but everything is already done.

You had chance after chance after chance to leave, to shut this down - whatever this is - but you didn't, not even once. You're still a willing participant even though you've lived through this ending before. You know he loved you, know he loves you even if the way he goes about it is selfish.

Because you do know the answer to his questions. It's clear as day; anyone can see it from a mile away.

When your world eventually comes crashing down again some time from now, you won't blame Seungmin. You won't blame yourself either, despite having option to walk away from all of this right now.

Because maybe some pains are worth enduring twice, aren't they?

Why did you come? Why did you stay?

Is anything still there?

all rights reserved © withleeknow. reposting, translating and/or modifying is not permitted by any means. [posted 08.06.2024]

[galene-gothic]

𝖳𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝗂𝗌 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝖼𝗅𝗈𝗌𝗎𝗋𝖾, 𝗒𝗈𝗎'𝗋𝖾 𝖿𝗋𝖾𝖾 𝗇𝗈𝗐

୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅* ‧₊ I hope this reading found you in good health, every reblog is appreciated and thank you for everything :) ˖♡ ˎˊ˗ ꒰ 🐇 ꒱

˗ˏˋ༻ʚ♡︎ɞ༺ˎˊ˗             PAID SERVICES

⸼ ۫ ︎︎⊹ ! 🪡︎ Pile 1 ꒱

"Send my love to your new lover, treat her better. We've gotta let go of all of our ghosts. We both know we ain't kids no more."

"I saw the signs and I ignored it, rose-coloured glasses all distorted. Set fire to my purpose and I let it burn. You got off on hurting when it wasn't yours. We'd always go into it blindly, I needed to lose you to find me. This dancing was killing me softly. I needed to hate you to love me."

Someone/many different people who you were strongly committed to you seem to have done you dirty. At that time, you were the greenest green flag, you were dependable and wanted to come off as someone like that as well. You were grounded, you were humble and in your 'treat people well' era. You felt like everything was fine until it wasn't anymore. People around you started acting shady, you picked up on the negative vibes or out of the blue, you found out about something that someone close to you did or said behind your back. For some of you, there seems to have been a boy or man involved, it could not be connected to the first scenario at all but for most of you, there seems to be an energy of people leaving one after another, something like your friends backstab you then you find out about your boyfriend cheating and even your guy friend chooses to say hurtful things just for the purpose of tearing you down. If the boy situation does resonate, you realised that they were with you for their own selfish reasons. You felt like they manipulated you for their own personal gain. This guy could've kept you a secret from others. For a while, you continued lying to yourself about this situation due to the affection or attachment that you felt towards them. You were trying your best to believe that something when it was just not the truth. Regardless of which one of the scenarios resonate (for many of you, all of these will resonate), you felt betrayed and to be honest, you were in fact betrayed. When this event happened, you felt the need to be realistic and practical, you knew that you deserved something mutual but maybe due to love, it took a while for you to walk away. Walking away seemed to be something that you did only after you were completely drained out. You were still bonding with other people, maybe you were exposed to others after this event happened so you had no choice. Even though, you seemed to be having good platonic relationships, they felt shallow to you or they made you happy but you weren't able to talk about you deepest emotions to anyone. You were breaking down on the inside but due to your public or social image, no one seemed to see it. It was a time for you to receive healing, you weren't doing well emotionally. A lot of chaotic events happened in your life one after the other but at that point, you were just resting. These people and situations broke you down to the point, you lost your self esteem.

You needed support and help at that time but you were not getting it, I feel like you were not even trying to talk to anyone about your emotions to be honest. It was difficult for you to think clearly. Your judgement was very blurry. Regardless of how painful it must've felt, if you look back, you'll notice that you've released so many negative thoughts, habits, feelings and just way of being. Negative feelings coming up, everything falling apart was just for things to get better. I'm getting that these were negative cycles and connections disguised as positive ones so you didn't understand how you didn't see it earlier. You might have noticed red flags but because they acted alright after that, you didn't think that it was important to walk away. You were confused about a lot of things. You were stuck in that toxic cycle for so long and realised just how much control it had over you. You felt the need to take responsibility for things that weren't even your fault. In the thick of healing, you thought that you deserved all the bad things that they were doing and saying to you. You thought that these people genuinely had good intentions towards you and were 'your people'. I'm getting multiple people here but there's a chance that it was either just your friends or your love interest. Even if it wasn't a love interest, a guy could've been involved. You sometimes wonder how you didn't notice the huge red flags earlier and were naive enough to believe that those people had loving intentions for you. You could've been really nice to most if not all of these people so you were just like, "why? I was nothing but nice to them". There seems to have been some (a lot tbh) confusion in such aspects. This is confusing but I'm getting best friends who turned against you after a mistake you made but you found out that they didn't like you all along or if a guy was the main problem here, it could be a best friend or a boyfriend/situationship who broke you down until you had to leave them. For most of you, it is both. The closure is that this person thought that they had a certain control over you so when they realised that that was not the case, they got over dominating. In the case of friends, they found a reason to finally bully you so they took it. These people were all really dishonest and are the kind of people who are not willing to change their ways. They were angry at you but it was not because of what you did, for the guy it was because they had frustrations in their own life and for the friends, it was because they 'thought' that you thought that you were better than them.

There was a lot of chaos, what they forgot is that you're a very strong character, you might have bended to meet their needs and match their personalities but it didn't mean that you lost your strength as a person. You adored them so you acted softer, they took it as a weakness. They were all being really selfish. It makes a lot of sense if it was a group of people, they were abusing their power to take advantage of you. For some of you, when you weren't letting them take advantage of you, they started acting all passive-aggressive, outright aggressive or angry. You were giving too much without expecting much, please remember that it's important to have standards. I think that you've learnt your lesson now though. You probably had spiteful arguments and they were not thinking before speaking. It's not alright, they disrespected you. Don't forget the things that they said to you, forgive them but don't let them anywhere near you, though it's your own decision. They made reckless mistakes in the heat of the moment not caring about your emotions at all. They're all people who cannot hold themselves accountable, they did not have your best interests at heart. The things that they said and did were to simply tear you down, it barely had anything to do with the mistakes you made but more about things that were in they own heads. "You think that you're the center everywhere" or "you're all that", things that are just their own insecurities. They were in fact very selfish, I'll give you an example, supposing you broke the girl code, the whole group turned against you but because you broke the girl code but because they all had their own personal grudges against you. Move on, they're not worth it. God/universe/whoever you believe in had to take you away from them because you were just better than them. I don't think that anyone is better than anyone but you were mature in many more aspects as opposed to them. You were trying to make things right and solve the matter at hand but they were just pushing their insecurities and grudges onto you. Your life has definitely gotten better in atleast two ways after these people left your life. Your closure = the disrespect.

⸼ ۫ ︎︎⊹ ! 🪡︎ Pile 2 ꒱

"Take my hand and hold on, tell me everything that you need to say. Cause I know how it feels to be someone, feels to be someone who loses their way."

"And I got a boyfriend, he's older than us, he's in the club doing I don't know what, you're so cool, it makes me hate you so much."

A crush that got nowhere? A 'friend' who's not just a friend? If someone came into your mind, this is your pile. This is tricky though, some of you could have come here thinking about a situationship or relationship break up that was really messy, you met someone after that though, didn't you? The person who you were in a situationship or relationship didn't care about you enough, they were unintentionally using you but it wasn't entirely 'unintentional', they knew that it could hurt you, you gave a lot to this person/situation so you were scorned but that's the happy ending, if you stuck around longer, things would've been worse. Your happy ending in this situation is to tap into your potential, make the most out of it, become more confident and to start a new cycle. For the ones, who met someone else after this situationship/relationship, you were in a state of anguish when you met this person. The situationship/relationship had left you completely drained out. I'll describe the person that you met after that in order to help you confirm. This person has a mind of their own, they are quite different from most people that you've met. They seem so free to you. They helped you change direction and made you feel more confident. They also seem to be a very confident person. They gifted you with a new perspective. The entire situation was very thrilling to you. You had a lot of fun with them and even they seemed to have fun with you. There were times when they seemed really enthusiastic around you. They're also someone who stands strong and has a lot of courage according to you. They're just so different (in the best way) according to you. You are confused because they were really generous with you. You might have gotten a little bit vulnerable around them too. There seems to be a level of connectivity (almost telepathic) between the both of you. They were quite receptive and talkative with you, the both of you were to a certain extent.

That was the dynamic so you don't understand how and why everything just ended. You feel like the both of you were quite observant when it comes to other. I feel like you're like "I just don't get it", I'm getting a little bit of disappointment. You wonder if you read in between the lines for things that don't even exist. You thought that they were curious about you too. Maybe also because of the past relationship/situationship, you started become a bit more rational and this just added onto that. You had really interesting conversations and felt connected to them, you felt a chemistry and connection. You felt like you had to kind of move away from your fairytale romance. 'Fairytale romance' that's how you looked at it. They did come into your life at a time like that so I get it. The ending between the both of you makes you question everything. The closure here is that you're still single, you're free to do whatever you desire. They came into your life as a catalyst of growth, to help you start a new journey. Their intentions towards you were not bad, they gave you a lot of hope for the future, they made you happy. They helped you prepare for a new journey, for most of you, you won't ever end up with this person but regardless of whether you do or not, you'll be fine. They reminded you of the life and love that you desire and deserve. They made it easier for you to let go of your former situationship/relationship. Even this situation, you should let it go. You should accept everything that has happened, forgive them if you do have any resentment against them and focus solely on yourself. You helped them release negative thoughts, feelings and patterns. Their deepest fears resurfaced when they met you and even they themself were healing. Something being fleeting or temporary does not make it insignificant, take care loves. If it wasn't for them, there's a high likelihood of you going back to past toxic people.

⸼ ۫ ︎︎⊹ ! 🪡︎ Pile 3 ꒱

"Why would you speak to me that way? Especially when I always said that I haven't got the words for you. All your diction dripping with disdain, I always tell the truth."

"I've never known someone like you, tangled in love, stuck by you, from the glue. Don't forget to kiss me or else you'll have to kiss me. I guess I'm forever stuck by the glue, oh and you?"

"Never thought I'd find you but you're here, and so I love you. I'm not lying when I say I've been stuck by the glue onto you."

Who cheated on you? If it was not cheating, it was still something that caused you to feel betrayed. Majority of you have mommy issues, some of you are here with her on your mind while the rest of you are here thinking about someone who is like your mother if you carefully think about it. You got manipulated. This person was out of control with their actions and words when it came to you. They were mean too. You really neglected yourself because of this person. They left you worrying quite a lot. This is giving me similar vibes to narcissistic abuse. You gave too much of yourself to this person :(. You pretty much treated this person like your family oh my god. You were clinging onto them. You were not willing to walk away and move on from this person until things got too much to bear, this person was stripped away from your life not gonna lie. With this person, you had really low self esteem. There were often times when you had to watch what you said just so you don't end up triggering this person because they used to say things to tear you down. They were not willing to communicate and they acted like you were trying to pick up fights. They made you feel a lot of guilt when it wasn't even your fault. You had to fake happiness with that person because everything was always about them, they might have underestimated you or belittled your emotions but you noticed it only after you left the situation and realised that they never cared about you. You started becoming really confident after you let go of them and it caused you a to be a little bit confused because of it. You realised that all of you needed was a leap of faith. They were definitely holding your potential down. You started feeling liberated and free, a very new and sort of uncomfortable feeling for you. They made you feel really humiliated in one way or another.

They were so conceited and honestly a piece of shit, you were just like "I was such a fool, how did I not see it earlier?" Plus the thing is that you were aware of such aspects existing within them, you just didn't know that they were so extreme. You also didn't understand how they could do that to you when you had nothing but pure intentions towards them. Your closure is that they're actually high drama. You were taking too many of their demands and being pressured when they didn't deserve any of it. I don't like to say things like this but you were too good for them, no matter how great they'd become or what they would do, they will never amount to you. Also, no matter how much harder you would've loved them, it wouldn't make them treat you better, I'm glad that you walked away. If you're having second thoughts about it, remember the disrespect, don't forget how much they hurt you. They're just a selfish piece of shit who never deserved you. Also, you were never compatible, you had interesting conversations because you're an interesting person, you had fun with them because you were a fun person, the connection lasted as long as it did only because of your tolerance. Your closure is that you know the right answer from within was to walk away. You were supposed to start seeing things from a different and clearer perspective. You were supposed to learn your boundaries now. It was important for you to find new purposes or realign with your purpose that you might have abandoned for other people. Your direction is supposed to be different from this person's and set there. You're supposed to be the one that got away and stayed away. You felt like you were stuck by a glue onto them because of the attachment that you had with them. It might have been difficult for you to leave this person earlier due to guilt, attachment or just loneliness, you might have been worried about them though.

[chasedbyatlantic]

sunshine, joel miller

masterlist summary: IN WHICH — after getting lost on your little getaway, out by yourself, help is on the way once your situationship - joel miller - gets wind of it.

warnings: post outbreak!joel, jackson era!joel, f!reader, angst into fluff!, (almost)smut at the end - hints to it, joel being caring for you, mentions of guns, swearing, joel being husband material as usual. lmk if i missed anything!

wordcount: 2.5k

a/n: i got HEAVILY inspired from the lyrics behind sunshine (steve lacy/fousheé) for this, its also my first go at a little angsty vibe so i hope u love it as much as i do. remember to like, comment, reblog and follow for more! send in requests. xoxo

—

It had been weeks since you last saw him.  You felt bad, you really did- you just couldn't bring yourself to love him and then lose him like you did with everyone else.  This world was so cruel to you, you didn't want it to be any crueler.  Not anymore.  You had been through so much in the last few years, that you were now holding on with a thread, and the thread was thinning out even more.  You didn’t tell him that you didn’t want to be with him, no, you told him that you just needed time to- think it through.  He seemed more than happy with the decision when it happened, it just (sort of) backfired after. 

You found out it had gotten bad after you talked with Ellie last.  Over the period of time you two were together, you grew closer to her - she trusted you, and you trusted her.  Ellie had told you that Joel was always locked in his room, other than when he had work.  He would skip meals every so often, but it was something that didn’t bug her (it bugged you, though).  After she had told you all of this, she made you swear under the non-existent god (her words, not yours) that you would never tell Joel.  You promised, of course, but this made you nothing short but scared, scared for him.

You and Joel worked together, that was how you met in the first place.  You were both on the more-experienced end of the patrollers unit throughout Jackson, and often went outside of the walls together.  That had changed, though.  A few days after you had loosened (not ended) the ties with Joel, you had been assigned to a new sub-unit by Tommy Miller (Joel’s younger brother), one that wouldn’t intertwine with Joel’s at all.  You weren’t sure if he had said something (you really hoped he hadn’t, you couldn’t deal with any pre-apocalyptic drama anymore), or if it was just the world doing you guys a solid.

You were close with Tommy’s wife, Maria, so you had somehow convinced her to let you take a small trip outside the walls by yourself, to scavenge for supplies and what not.  You told her you knew the outside area like the back of your hand, and you weren’t all wrong.  It was just- well, you didn’t know it off the top of your head, you knew it through a map (that was something you’d never tell Maria, though).  She made you promise her that you would radio her if anything went down while you were out, anything ranging from getting lost to coming across unfamiliar people.  That’s where you found yourself right now.

You left the walls two days ago, and now you were lost.  You had lost your map after having to kill a clicker late the night before, and couldn’t find it no matter how hard you looked.  Though, you only looked for about an hour- you had to get out of the area quickly, because if there was one clicker, there was bound to be others.  You now found yourself in the living room of a house you had cleared out earlier in the day, praying to whoever was above that someone would answer the radio call. 

“This is- it’s me, Maria,” Your hand was holding down the side button, as a sigh was heard across this station, “I’m lost, I should’ve listened, my coordinates are-” You had listed off the rough points, admitting defeat.  Maybe this was the universe’s way of telling you that you needed to move on and start off fresh.  Hell, you thought to yourself, this was a damn good way of Mother Nature telling you to leave those people behind, if that was her goal.  You waited a moment before flipping through the channels, having absolutely nothing else to do but this.  It was still radio silence throughout all of the twenty-some odd channels.  You decided to give yourself an ultimatum, if no signs were shown by the morning, you’d move on for the better.

You had fallen asleep not long after you gave yourself the ultimatum.  You only realized that after your brain woke itself up god knows how long after.  Your body was nowhere near waking up, this had to have been the best sleep you had gotten in weeks, after everything that happened with Joel.  You weren’t a cliche person, no way.  But, you knew you hurt Joel, even if he refused to show it ever.  You felt like shit for doing it, you really did, but maybe he would’ve figured out that it was for the better (sooner or later, at least).  

Speaking of figuring it out, you had figured that you better get up.  It was probably around nine or so in the morning, and you had already slept in far too late.  You shifted around on the floor, where your makeshift (not really) bed was, before you heard breathing.  Not your breathing, no, but something- someone else.  If you weren’t fully awake before, you sure as hell were now.  You didn’t open your eyes, but you shifted once more, you had a pistol in your back pocket that you had to get out.  As you tried your very best to shift as normal as one could in their sleep, you finally reached the pistol.  You hand wrapped around the body, and finger hovering the trigger, before shooting up and ripping the pistol out of your pocket.  Your eyes were translucent-like right now, which meant you weren’t able to see properly who was in front of you.  It was only by the tone of the voice that gave the person away, “Now cowgirl, what’d I teach ya’ ‘bout pointin’ guns at people ya’ know?”

It was him, it was Joel Miller.  With the gun still pointed at him, a million thoughts started to race through your head.  Why was he here?  How did he find out?  How did he get here so fucking quick?  Though, your thoughts were cut short when your pistol was ripped out of your right hand- and you just let it be.  You rubbed your eyes, finally able to lay your eyes across the man in front of you.  He looked like he had lost a bit of weight in his face, but his hair was still curly and untamed, his muscles still threatened to strip the seams out of his shirt, his eyes were still- no, you thought to yourself, you couldn’t and shouldn’t be thinking like this.  

“You shouldn’t be here, Joel.  Not after what happened.” You immediately shot up, not letting your eyes linger for a second longer.  He was sat, leaning against the door frame into the kitchen.  His rifle was resting against his knees, the safety on since he knew you wouldn’t do anything.  “What?  Just ‘cause we- doesn’t matter.” He muttered, “Ya’ called, and I came’n checked on my colleague.” A colleague?  It shouldn’t have hurt as much as it did, when he said that.  You had to ignore it and keep your guard high, it wasn’t like you if you didn’t.

“How the fuck did ya’ get the radio station?  It was only for Maria.” You had gotten up, honestly just wanting to leave.  Even after feeling like the shittiest person on earth for distancing yourself from Joel, you would’ve preferred anyone else to answer the call for help.  As you made your way to the entrance of the kitchen, just beside to where Joel was sitting, he put his rifle up and covered your path.  “Made ya’ somethin’ to eat, missy.  Ya’ still eat y’ur eggs over easy?” This set you off, almost. Why was he being so nice to you, after everything you did to him?

You pushed your way through his rifle and into the kitchen, the smell of freshly cooked eggs, something you hadn’t smelled in god knows how long, came passing through your nose.  Joel always treated you right, you didn’t deny that.  You had heard the man in the other room getting up, so you quickly ripped off a piece of the over easy egg and shoved it in your mouth.  He would’ve obviously seen you had taken a bite, but you wanted to hold onto the little bit of pride you had left.  “Listen,” Joel had began as you turned to face him, he was leaning against the frame, “I’ain here to rehash anythin’, just wanted to make sure everythin’ was alright.” 

It wasn’t before, but why did it feel like it was now?  You shouldn’t have been feeling like that, you thought to yourself. You should be running away and pushing him farther away from you than before.  “It is, you can- leave now.” You had hesitated, and your eyes fell from Joel’s.  You couldn’t even look him in the face when you said it, you knew it was wrong.  All you wanted to do was hug him and kiss him again, but the fear of attachment you had was lingering heavy right now.  Joel noticed this, crossing his arms.  He knew that you were bull-shitting him, and that everything wasn’t fine.  He had been with you long enough to know when you were lying, and when you weren’t your usual self.  “‘M sorry- ya’ know that, Sunshine.” He told you, one of the few times you had ever heard an apology escape the man’s lips.  This had roped you into meeting his gaze again, your heart almost dropping.

Joel went to say something else, but you immediately cut him off. “Don’t you apologize.  I was the one to- to push ya’ back.” You began, “It shouldn’t have happened and’m sorry for it- Jesus Christ Joel, you know I still love ya’.” There was different tones said to this, angry ones, sad ones, embarrassed ones.  You knew, and Joel knew, that whatever you had done was to try and protect him, but no matter how much you pushed him back, you guys were meant to be no farther than three feet away from each other.  

“There’s the girl I know, not some pistol whippin’ chick.” He had a rough smile playing against his face, he couldn’t help it.  Joel, despite not showing it, had butterflies that were running through his stomach like crazy right now.  You made him feel like that whenever you wear near him, and he hadn’t experienced that for twenty years.  He unfolded his arms and rose one, signalling you in for a hug.  You couldn’t help it, you immediately stepped forward and embraced the man that you had missed so dearly.  Though the fear of attachment was still alive and well, you felt as if you could outrun it right now.

It felt like it was your first hug in years (in weeks, actually), and it felt so rewarding.  Joel was praying (even though he wasn’t a religious man at all) that you would come around, and that you would love him again- like he loved you.  Your head fit into the crook of his neck just like a puzzle piece, and he was happier than ever.  “‘M sorry.” You repeated yourself once again, wanting to say so much more but just couldn’t find the words to.  His hand fell to the bottom of your neck, “I know,” He began, “Now, go eat y’ur meal before I eat it for ya’.”

You had a small smile rise to your face as your arms dropped from Joel’s embrace.  You had reached over and gotten the egg, ripping a piece off the edge of it.  You turned back and turned your glances up (Joel had practically towered over you) to meet his eyes, bringing the piece of egg to his lips.  As Joel took notice of what you were doing, he parted his lips in order to assist you.  As your finger slipped into Joel’s mouth, he started to suck around your finger.  It felt good, almost too good, in your opinion.  He let out a small, raspy moan against the piece of you that was in his mouth.

He had let go after a moment, letting your hand fall back to the side of you.  “Missed everythin’ ‘bout ya’.” He had started, tucking a piece of your hair behind your right ear.  “‘Specially the late nights.” You knew what he was talking about, sex.  Even though the world had gone to complete shit, people were still going to be people.  “Before anythin’,” You had started, “Do ya’ wanna, I’dunno, get back at it?” You were bad with words, Joel knew that.  But he also knew that you were hinting at continuing your relationship together.  He didn’t want anything else, honestly.  He missed waking up to you, going to bed with you, and everything in between.  Joel wasn’t an emotional guy by any stretch of the way, but he tried to be more considerate when it came to the people he loved.

Joel had answered your question by leaning forward and placing his lips on top of yours.  He was soft at the start, unsure on how you would take it.  He was also hoping that this would give you an answer, instead of a verbal ‘I need you now’ one - thankfully, it did.  It gave you a clear-as-fucking-day answer.  You had parted your lips, allowing Joel to take control over the both of you while you two were catching up on the missed kisses from the last while.  This is when he had started let his rough edges show, he slipped his tongue in and started to love on you more aggressively.  He was still hesitant on how you were going to take it, but you reacted very positively (to his pleasure).

Joel became handsy first, his hands travelling from over your hips to under your shirt and unclipping your bra.  He knew that you wanted it as much as he did right now, he could tell by the muffled moans that were escaping your lips against his.  You were soon to follow suit, your hands moving from Joel’s chest, to his more southern regions.  A grunt had escaped his lips when you began to undo his belt, and he removed your bra from under your shirt.  This was the only person you had ever wanted to do anything like this with, Joel knew that.  He felt the same way with you, he knew that you were delicate with him and his subconscious.  

Now that things were finally figured out between the two of you, you could go back to loving Joel.  You would deal with your fears at a later date, not now, not anytime soon.  You had to focus on what you loved most, and it was the man right in front of you.  Joel was glad you had come around, he didn’t know what he would’ve done if you didn’t.  In this hell-bound world, you were one of the few things that really mattered to him.  Everyone goes through their hardships, it just makes the shared relationship stronger.  You had finally figured that out as Joel was making love to you.  Fears can come and go whenever they want, but people you love will stick with you- even through the fucking apocalypse.

—

sunshine, steve lacy/fousheé

[lilolilyr]

I have an idea for an Andromaquynh modern AU fanfic

In it, Quynh moves back home to her parents after getting a degree at university she isn't really sure she can or wants to use. She used to think that she's a city girl despising the suburbs she grew up in, but now she thinks she was wrong about that or maybe her preferences changed, she doesn't much like the cities she studied in anymore, first she thinks it's because she studied abroad (in the countries of her ancestors) and could never quite connect to the culture there, but visiting a friend in a city in her home country shows her it isn't just that, she just prefers a quieter environment

In the meantime, her parents have moved to a different part of town and it doesn't really feel like coming home at all. Quynh still struggles with her place in life, she doesn't want to hang around on her parents' couch doing nothing forever but she doesn't know what else to do either and the thought of a regular 9-5 job in an office terrifies her, she has done enough internships in that kind of environment to know she can't stand it for long

Quynh starts taking long walks through the countryside, for her health because she hasn't really found any sports/active hobbies in the area yet (that's an aspect she really liked about the cities, there's always something interesting going on, she used to dance and try out things like shooting with bow&arrow and axe throwing), and to have quiet time to think away from her family. That way she gets to know the area quite well - she actually already knows it a bit because she really didn't live far away as a kid, but she never really walked through the fields on this side of the suburbs before

On her walks she sometimes comes across equestrians, and one time a horse throws off its rider and she ends up catching the animal, which doesn't seem to mind people in general just people trying to climb and sit on it - it won't stay the last time she comes across that particular animal, and she thinks she understands the horse quite well what with not wanting to do jobs they don't like just to be allowed to live comfortably.

Andy's the owner of the horse riding school, and when a girl falls off her horse (probably the one that doesn't much like its riders, Quynh calls it Big Guy lovingly not knowing what it's actually called) and needs medical attention, Quynh ends up taking the horse back to the stables and meets Andy there.

There's a bit of an age-gap between them and even once they meet and fall in love Andy is reluctant to commit to Quynh out of fear of tying Quynh to a life she might not really want, meanwhile Quynh is finally figuring out her place in life and she wants to stay with Andy.

I'll probably never write the full fanfic, I just don't have the time and motivation for it. If anyone's interested in getting the draft and adopting it, I'd love to hand it over for you to write it!

Post is okay to reblog :)

The draft I have is pretty much in bullet points atm, but I'd even go over it and clean it up a bit if someone's really interested in adopting the fic, and I'd be open to either chatting about it and giving more input, or you taking it and doing your own thing with it!

I don't have the time to write a longfic atm and I feel like what with the plot I'm thinking of, it really needs to be 10 or even 20k minimum to start doing it justice... That being said if sb wants to try writing a shorter version or is inspired by it to write anything similar, absolutely feel free! Just pls lmk once it's done so I can read it :D

I also already wrote a college AU horse girl!Andy longfic before, and while that one was happier and this one would probably have quite some angsty vibes before reaching its happy ending, it still kind of feels like I've done this before, also reducing my motivation for it even more :( which is a pity really because I do really like the idea.

If you want to take on the story reply to this or send me an ask/dm and we can figure out how to do this, discord/email/docs or whatever :)

My tog tag list - I know it's been ages, if anyone wants off this list or if someone new wants on it, please let me know! -: @bobeau-beaubo @lesbianlotties (daniwouldnever) @ongreenergrasses @eyeh0rr0r @cantteachanoldguardnewquotes @badwolfkaily @andramaquynhs @depresbianintheclassicalsense @andy-the-scythian @cryhardanddanceharder @my-gaydar-is-on-point @spookyvoidangelskeleton @bookerandy @jackwolfskid @cinnamonplums @cruzwalters @kayivy @blacks-phoenix @binariesarebullshit @tea-lizzard @prevalent-masters @aftermillennia @youssefguedira (pierremichelofavignon) @salzundhonig @moonlightbuckley @genyathefirebird (rupzydaisy) @nickydestati @after-a-millennium @spacewitchqueen @damnbert @not-so-good-omen (innocent-gayngel) @rhubarbdreams-blog @bedalk

[spacenintendogs]

I’ll be asking about the dragons off the coast au.

What inspired you to make this au?/what made you make it different from every other modern au. (Small dragons was a great idea)

What does Valka/Eret do in this Au?:)

Whose all not included? (Any villains/side characters, ect.)

howdy!!

i was inspired by modern aus by ppl in the past mainly from when i was a teenager!! funkytoes/funkytoesart, siggyshrieks/sigtryggr, perpez/rikez, daglout, edge-of-bizarre, soplezhuj, & yenich are my main inspirations! some these blogs do not exist anymore but old reblogged posts can be found! obv any blog that still exists i will link directly!!

this is going to be LONG so please bare with me!

the answers to your questions about eret and valka & then other character inclusions/exclusions will be after the list of my inspirations!!

example of rikez/perpez's work! they're my main inspiration for the dragons being small!!!!!! the idea also isn't unique, it's been done before in the past but rikez/perpez's works are SO amazing!!! they are also where i got the idea for having the legendary dragons keep their leviathan sizes!! i miss their blog so much.

funkytoes/funkytoesart is the inspiration for the sanctuary aspect!! the dragons are their full sizes in their au but i LOVE the whole vibe of it all!! so so so good!!!! their blogs are still active and you can scroll through their httyd art at your leisure!!! highly reccomend esp if you're a hiccstrid fan!!! @/funkytoesart (remove the /)

sigtryggr/siggyshrieks is one of my biggest inspos for overall vibes and the feelings i want this au to create. this art means so much to me. they still make art, but not for httyd as they've gone professional and deleted all of their httyd art from their blogs. their blog is currently @/celialowenthal (remove the /)

edge-of-bizarre's modern au called north of nowhere is also a huge inspiration to me!!!! have been since they first appeared in the fanbase and i was a kid who lurked without having a tumblr acc!! pls pls pls check out their au!! absolutely stellar

daglout's modern au is also incredible and includes versions with regular animals as well as the dragons being dragons!! he also has an au where everything happens in florida and it's fucking incredible like. pls just scroll through his modern au and florida au tags!!

so much of my au is an amalgamation of what i've seen over the past 14 years in terms of being in the fanbase (lurking and otherwise) and just. trying to combine my favorite reoccuring aspects, like the dragons being dragons and being small, from different ones and the uniqueness that makes mine different is just?? i think the stories i'm telling with the setting and that's also what separates everyone else from each other!!! different character interpretations/even different favorites leads to different stories abt how everything connects!!!

one of my biggest inspirations is definitely soplezhuj in terms of how the characters are and basic things like general direction of where they go/what they do (like snotlout being a biker guy!) their art was everything to me back in 2015/2016 and i still have it saved to my phone. i miss their blog every day.

EDIT: OH MY GOD I DIDN'T ADD @yenich!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EVERYTHING THEY DO FOR THEIR MODERN AU IS INCREDIBLE PLS GIVE THEM LOVE!!!!!!!! absolutely STELLAR!!!!!!!!

what do valka & eret do in this au?

valka is alive and well, however she is a mostly absent mother as her conservation work with dragons has her traveling the world and she considers it to be more important than anything else in her life, at the expense of her relationships with stoick & hiccup. hiccup looks up to her SO much tho & he yearns to be like her & help her with her work. she doesn't NOT love stoick & hiccup but her priorities are elsewhere & she maybe shouldn't have started a family but alas. hiccup & stoick will visit her wherever she is during summers. she doesn't come home too often but once stoick dies she decides to be in hiccup's life full time & has to come to terms with the fact she does not know her son at all & was a terrible mother. i'm actually very excited for her arc :) cloudjumper is her buddy btw!!! also she was the one who originally started the hidden world sanctuary in berk!! but once she started traveling it became too much & that's why it's not in use until hiccup gets it going again! she's also connected to drago! they're former partners in conservation work & they had a BAD disagreement!! (drago is going to be more fleshed out for this au. he's not gonna be straight bad guy villain!!)

eret, on the other hand, is a poacher :) after the red death, berk becomes a destination spot for tourists esp with the sanctuary & the stories of the potential last night fury in existence being there draws a lot of attention. he goes & visits, pretending to be a tourist, & gets a tour to help scout for the group he's a part of. there's like, a whole heist planned & everything, which isn't new for the gang given who they deal with before :) through his scouting tho, he befriends astrid & learns a lot abt dragons & becomes attached to stormfly (obv!!) & then skullcrusher (much to stoick's chagrin lol) & does decide to side with the gang & admits his (now former) job. :) he becomes the tidal class dragon guy (not quite an expert yet but he's on his way!!) & splits the tracker class dragon duties with astrid to help take off her work load

who's all not included?

characters from the comics except for bayana!!! i love bayana and he deserves his time!! i haven't talked abt him yet bc i'm figuring out his storyline but i want him to be one of the volunteers & help with the mystery class dragons specifically and therefore works with the twins!!! but yea, other than bayana, no comic characters like king mikkel or the scalie bad guy dude from the serpent's heir (caldur i think lol)

characters that will be there but i haven't figured out yet are viggo, ryker, krogan, etc!! it's me trying to have everything connect in such short time spans & it's a lot LOL

i've figured out basic ideas for alvin & drago!!! they're connected to stoick and valka, respectively :) but i'm basically like this rn lol:

but tbh any character is fair game!! even book characters like camicazi!! altho idk if i'll put like, humongously hotshot the hero or big boobied bertha in for major roles!! (omg i could have tantrum o'uglery as someone fishlegs crushes on..... that'd be iconic) i'm even including my oc ermintrude for a side story & have @artinandwritin's oc siri be in my snotstrid fic!!! it's all depending on my mood & if the ideas strike me!!!

thank u for asking!!!!

[pochipop]

Hi! I'm not sure if you write for Black Clover(?) or if the artist s/o headcanons were just a one time thing, –but I was wondering if I could get a oneshot of Zora who mistakingly thinks the reader is a royal when she actually just has pretty strong illusion magic and gives off a more sophisticated/elegant vibe?

＃BLACK CLOVER !! ♡ — LOVER, FIGHTER (ZORA X READER).

#. synopsis! — zora has never liked royals, -but he does like you .

#. characters! — zora .

#. warnings! — mentions of canon-typical violence/injuries .

#. word count! — 2.5k .

#. alt accounts! — @ddollipop (nsfw) @yyolkchi (reblog/spam) .

#. others! — navigation & masterlist .

#. a/n! — sorry for being really inactive, my first semester of university just finished today and i've been struggling with some depression since the cold weather moved in; but i'm hoping to find the motivation to finish up at least a few stories during my winter break. :)

"You're tougher than you look," Zora comments, turning his sharp gaze toward you with a little sparkle in his eyes that you've never seen before.

You're not sure what it means or represents, but you don't have the nerve to ask, either. Zora doesn't exactly intimidate you, —that might be a bit too bold a word to use, but you do feel anxious around him. Like you have something to prove, even when you know you really don't. Sure, he's technically your superior, but so is Finral, and you don't have any qualms about speaking to him. Or Gordon, or Magna, or Vanessa, even captain Yami himself. . . This is a feeling reserved specifically for Zora, and you don't fully understand why. Maybe it's that mask he wears, which is as admittedly cool, but also mystifying. It shrouds Zora in a layer of the unknown. Maybe it's those razor-sharp teeth lining his mouth. Maybe it's the fact that he's a complete and utter menace around the base from time to time. Or, maybe it's something completely different altogether. . . 

"Do I look weak?" You ask in reply.

"No," he shakes his head, not even pausing to think about it.

That makes you oddly happy. It's not praise, but from what you understand, Zora rarely, if ever, gives that out, —and his words feel close enough to a compliment to have to count for something. At least to you, anyway.

"Not weak. Just. . . Elegant, I guess is the right word for it. You don't look like you'd be wielding illusion magic."

"Well, that makes one of us," you answer jokingly, "you look exactly like someone wielding trap magic."

For a moment, you worry your joke has fallen on deaf ears. Or even worse, that it's fallen on ears that heard it, but actively disliked what you'd said.

Thankfully, he offers you a small chuckle in response. It's a nice, smooth laugh that makes your heart jump in your chest a little. This is the first time you've heard him laugh over something you said, and it fills you with some semblance of pride that you didn't have before.

"Didn't know you had the nerve to make a joke like that," he notes, "—does that mean you're not scared of me anymore?"

Your gaze flickers to the ground in embarrassment as you try to laugh the question off. It sounds painfully awkward in your own two ears.

"Who said I was ever scared of you?" You ask a question of your own in reply.

"You didn't really need to. I have a bit of a knack for picking up signals, and yours have been on high alert around me for. . . Well, for forever, I guess," Zora shrugs.

He doesn't seem particularly upset about it. His comment is more observational than anything else, —like he's pointing out a fact that he's utterly indifferent to. You're relieved that his feelings weren't hurt by your actions, deliberate or not, but you still have to wonder how he managed to see right through you so easily. Up until now, you figured you'd done an okay job concealing your nerves around him since he'd never commented on anything of the sort, and you knew him well enough to know that he didn't mince words with anyone. It was fair game if he could sense it, at least most of the time.

"I-Its not so much fear, really, I just. . ." You pause, hoping that the right words come to you quickly like a dog to your beckoning whistle.

They don't.

"Hey," he laughs, turning around to face you completely as he stops in his tracks.

"It's fine. You think I'm not used to reactions like that by now? Come on," he gives your shoulder a small push for emphasis.

It's the good one, —the one he knows you didn't get hit in during the battle. The other is fine, just a little sore and a dull ache lingers in the muscles there; but he still chose to avoid it, and something tells you that it was very intentional. You realize then that Zora likely pays a lot more attention to not just you, but his entire group of squadmates, more than he'd ever be willing to fess up to.

You feel your body relax naturally. Not fully, but enough to be noticeable, and you give Zora a small smile.

"Thank you for your help back there," you say to him genuinely, "I really appreciate it. And I'm glad that Yami paired us together for this mission. . . I feel like I know you better now."

"Enough talking, princess," he quips, turning opposite of you and quickly walking away, long legs striding in even steps, “—if we actually want to eat something for dinner, we’ll need to get back soon.”

Heat rushes to your face at the nickname. Of all the things he could have said, —why on Earth did it have to be that? A part of you wants to believe it has something to do with that elegant comment he made, but another part worries that it represents something much more unsavory. Zora doesn't like royals. . . So why would he be calling you a princess as any form of compliment, or even observation?

Before you can think too much of it, you feel something move on your shoulder. Your head snaps to the side, only to be met with the painfully familiar stripes of a rainbow stink bug, —the kind Zora loves to place on people at random just for the heck of it. You make haste of flicking the insect off you, but you're a little too late.

"Zora!"

As time goes on, Zora no longer spares you from his pranks. Asta remains his favorite person to antagonize, of course, but you just might be a close second. Even so, you don't really feel like his actions come from a place of malice. . . They're never damaging in the long run, just playful antics that he (and you as well, sometimes,) can get a laugh out of. Looking back on it, you almost feel better about the fact that he doesn't exclude you from his hijinks anymore. Maybe it's a sign that things between the two of you are moving in the right direction! More team unity can't be a bad thing.

Sure, it might get a little annoying flicking rainbow stink bugs out of your room every once in a while, but Zora's loyalty makes up for that, —especially in battle. His help never goes unnoticed. He often has your back before you can even think about having his, and it shocks you every time, though you should probably be used to it by now.

"Are you alright?" He questions, giving you a sideways glance as he stays alert, just in case anymore enemies try to come at him sideways.

You're sitting upright against the thick trunk of a tree, breathing slightly ragged and lungs aching from the strain. Your ribs hurt like never before. It was unusual for anyone to fight so roughly in close combat, but you'd been taken by surprise along with the other members of the Black Bulls, and now you were just trying to stay out of their way. It was very unlike you to be taken out in battle, —in fact, it hadn't happened once since you were a newbie and Yami directed you out of the line of fire in order to protect you just in case. Even then, it was more about having the opportunity to watch and grow than anything else.

"I'll be fine," you tell Zora a little breathlessly, arm coming around to clutch at your throbbing torso, "just go. Make sure everyone else has backup."

"Don't be stupid," he snaps, still not looking your way, "—Luck and Magna will be fine on their own, and Asta has to be there with them by now. If I left you here alone, you wouldn't be able to defend yourself, and then what?"

It really isn't that he's looking down on you. Much the opposite, he seems to hold enough respect for you to know that you'd want to do things by yourself, but is actively refusing to let you for your own sake. And maybe for his own to a certain extent as well. 

"They need you more than I do," you answer, "I just need to catch my breath. Just go, and I'll catch up with you."

"Shut up!" He scolds, turning to lock eyes directly with you.

You've never seen this side of Zora before. He's mad, —angered in a way that feels so unfamiliar. A million times over you've heard him tear royals apart with his harsh words, and you've seen him slit through enemies with the same intensity, but to have it directed at you feels like a loaded gun is being held to your head and you're just waiting for the trigger to be pulled.

"I hold my tongue when it comes to you because you don't rub being royalty in anyone's face, —and I like that about you. But you don't always get to play the hero," he rants, each word more lethal than the last.

You open your mouth to speak, but he doesn't give you the chance. He's mad, and that much is more than obvious, but he's also. . . Worried? Scared? Anxious? Maybe all three and more, or nothing and less. You can't seem to put your finger on it. All you really know is that this side of Zora is frantic and explosive, but definitely not uncontrollable. You don't feel threatened by him in this state, ��just surprised.

"Your magic is strong, and we both know that, but you aren't invincible. You have to know when enough is enough, or you'll drag everyone else down with you in the long run. It's useless to fight when you're way past your limits, and this just is what it is right now. If being protected by a lowly little commoner like me makes you feel like your high status has been stripped away, then cry about it later, because right now, you don't have any other options."

"Zora—" you try, but he refuses to let you get a word in edgewise, assuming you're going to argue with him on this.

"No!" He exclaims, "just sit there! I know the grass isn't fancy silken sheets, but you'll just have to get over it. I'm not asking you to leave this alone and just let me take care of it, —I'm telling you that's what's happening, and if you have a problem with that, it's just too damn bad."

Before you can manage to process everything well enough to respond thoughtfully, a familiar face is rushing toward the scene.

"Oh gosh," Noelle huffs, "just stay still y/n, I'll heal you as well as I can."

"Zora! A little help over here?" Vanessa calls out irritably. 

"You can go," Noelle tells him before he can protest, "I'll stay here with y/n. The sooner we get rid of these guys, the faster this can all be over and done with."

He hesitates, but knows he doesn't have a genuine excuse to stay any longer now that Noelle is here. There's so much you need to say to him, —so much you need to explain. But now isn't the time for that, so you watch with half lidded eyes as Zora spares you a small glance before rushing off to assist Vanessa.

"Zora?" You approach him later on as the day bleeds into night.

He frowns.

"You should be resting," he comments bluntly.

"I know," you acknowledge, "but. . . There's just some things we need to talk about."

"If you're about to scold me for what I said earlier, —don't bother. I know it was harsh, but it was true, and I won't apologize for saying something I believe," he tells you matter-of-factly.

That is so achingly like him. It's almost amusing.

"I'm not looking for an apology," you shake your head, "—you were right, at least somewhat. I should be more aware of when enough is enough so I don't get in everyone else's way. I understand that."

You swear you could see a glimmer of pride in Zora's eyes, one that was both for you as much as it was for himself. Still, you don't comment on it.

"But I need to tell you that I'm not royalty, and I'm really not sure what gave you that impression of me," you say. 

He pauses, blinking silently. Of all the things you could have said, he was taking that the hardest. It dawns on you that he more than likely had his entire impression of you built on the assumption that you were of a noble bloodline. This must be hard to swallow, and you're not naive enough to deny him that.

". . . Really?" Zora finally asks, eyes squinting at you in confusion.

"Really," you nod, "—I'm from a small town east of the Capitol. Not necessarily in the sticks or anything, but nowhere near being a city. My parents are both farmers, and I was born and raised a commoner."

The look on his face tells you that he doesn't believe you, or at the very least that he's having a rather difficult time processing all of this new information. Somehow, the worst part of it all in his mind is that he liked you way too much even when he thought you were nobility. You weren’t like the wealthy, high class royals that always poked at him, and worse, his father, every chance they got. You accepted him in a way he’s not sure anyone else ever has; —stink bug pranks and all.

In a rare show of vulnerability, he reaches out to graze his fingertips against your own.

“I didn’t mean to make unfair judgments about you,” he notes. “For once, I didn’t even mean that I thought you were a noble in a bad way. I saw the intensity of your magic and just assumed you were one, but I still. . .”

When he pauses, you dare to press for a continuance. 

“Still. . .?” 

He almost clams up, but the words come tumbling from his lips before he has the chance to filter or water them down somehow.

“I still had a lot of respect for you, and I ended up liking you anyway.”

Your eyes widen in surprise at his admission, but you can’t help the way a smile tugs at the corners of your lips. 

“Like in what sense?” You inquire.

Zora’s stunned by your display of boldness for a moment, but quickly shakes his head.

“No more questions,” he dismisses your inquiry, reaching out to clutch at your wrist. “You shouldn’t even be out here asking me things, —you should be resting. So go do that instead of bothering me.”

In spite of his words, his grip lingers on your wrist for much longer than need be. You take his advice and make your way back to your room, but each time you let your mind wander, it travels back to Zora and your heart flutters happily in your chest.

[kainagant]

I've reblogged stuff about like "send more asks!" before and I've decided to be the change I wish to see in the world SO

personally I like sniperhaul as a platonic pairing, not least because i see them both as Gay In The Wrong Direction. like in my mind they're constantly bickering but also refuse to leave each others' sides for more than a day because they both went through the same shit. they don't even dislike each other they're just constantly lowkey fighting for no reason other than habit

Also like. opinions on Bakugo Mitsuki/Tsutsumi Kaina? both in the sense of 'how would these two very different adult women interact' and in the sense of bakugo "i'm gonna be the number 1 hero at all costs" katsuki having tsutsumi "the hero system is fundamentally corrupt and being a hero is shit actually" kaina

(have i sent you an ask before? i think i might have)

hey there! i've never received an ask on this blog before, from you or anyone else, as its only like two weeks old. congrats on being the first 🎉🎉 (if you did send me an ask before, then tunglr ate it)

honestly chisaki kai is one of those characters that i perceive as aroace, which is like fifty percent me projecting and the other fifty is vibes. so whatever pairing i put him in is closer to a queerplatonic relationship than anything else. this is honestly the case for all shipping i do because i'm very aromantic but it's not always on purpose. but i'm also a shameless multishipper and i think that there's no single most correct pairing or even a single correct interpretation of said pairing.

this is all to say i love your take on sniperhaul. i definitely imagine them as the kind of duo who are always being catty with each other. borderline just pure rude if it weren't for the fact that the reason why they can banter freely is because of how well they understand each others' boundaries.

i feel like i have seen kaina/bakugo's mom fics and went. h u h. if you have any recs then i'll definitely read them. i think i was looking for something specific at the time so i scrolled past but now that you bring it up again i'm definitely intrigued. in regards to my first impressions of the pairing though. to be honest there's not a lot of canon information on mitsuki. her personality is assumed to be basically just katsuki but more chill. however i also think that the mothers of feral anime boys deserve to be even more feral because after ren gyokuen from magi something in my brain chemistry was permanently changed. so i'm just going to take liberties here and write mitsuki a personality that's not just "bakugo katsuki's mom".

so its obvious that katsuki takes after her, and she seems to understand that a lot of his mannerisms come from her. so i think she was one hell of a teenager. her quirk basically makes her have flawless skin. mitsuki was the definition of it girl. sorry she can't answer the phone she's at a party. maybe she even hooked up with kaina in college. if you really want to drive the katsuki connection in hard, maybe she was even a bit of a mean girl. though i think she wasn't as problematic as katsuki because she didn't have people feeding her ego constantly in the same way. anyway this is all to say that i think mitsuki mellowed out a lot with age. but she definitely still has something of a youthful spirit leftover from her heyday. her skin can be a metaphor for that.

if mitsuki is a woman who has held onto her youth, kaina is a woman who lost her youth early on. the phrase 'old beyond her years' applies here. she doesn't know how to be a teenager anymore. she forgot. what is it like to not spend every night haunted by the lives she took with her own hands? she doesn't remember.

when they meet then mitsuki takes one look at kaina and tries to ask her out for a drink. it's a small thing, but slowly, kaina is relearning how to be a person and not a weapon. mitsuki is showing her how. and mitsuki can't really understand what makes kaina miserable, what makes kaina wake up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night. but mitsuki can stay awake with her. she can hold her close and say. hey. you're more than whatever you see when you look at your own hands. anyway this got really long. i'm just making stuff up on the fly but yeah they could have that kind of dynamic.

ok ok. cracks knuckles. kaina and katsuki. the thing is that they have surface similarities i think. "so how should i solve this problem i have…" kaina and katsuki both stare at me like im fucking stupid "blow its brains out??" there's a duh here. they're both the kind of person who is smarter than other people assume based off of first impressions. but that's only because they're the straight arrow type. there's no fucking around the point with these two, they're blunt and very goal focused. they tend to hyperfocus on whatever they're currently trying to do, and they don't stop to wonder if it's wrong or just a liiiitle fucked up. cue the rude awakening.

you mentioned bakugo's hero thing vs kaina's hero thing, but i think that they're not as at odds as one might think. bakugo's hero thing was never a "save everyone" shirou emiya style (thats midoriya's patent). he admired all might because all might was always victorious. kaina probably wouldn't have a strong opinion one way or another. he's obviously missing something to make him a "true hero" or whatever. but she's not stain, for goodness sake. the whole idea of there being a perfect hero feels incredibly fake to her. if anything, katsuki's honest "i'm going to win to save people" approach might be more genuine than some fragile idealism that he can't actually back up. actually. to be honest, katsuki would be exactly the kind of hero that kaina wants to see more of. he doesn't mince words or pretend to be more righteous than anyone else. full transparency: he can be kinda a dick. but if society is going to employ heroes than people need to understand that heroes are people too, and yeah. people can be dicks. pardon my french. i'm channeling katsuki.

i don't think kaina would care one way or another that katsuki is striving for number one. the hero rankings were never really a thing to her. kaina's problem with hero society wasn't the same problem as what stain had. i think people assume that it is, because stain kinda had half of a point, except for the culling the fakes thing. but i think kaina would very much disagree with stain. because stain wanted more pure heroes. he wanted to exalt the ideal hero, put them above everyone else. and kaina just wanted heroes to get off their high horse and admit that they aren't perfect. nobody is.

deep breath. so yeah. thanks for the ask. thanks for reading my incoherent rambles too, assuming you got this far. hopefully i actually answered your questions, but if i didn't then sorry, this definitely got away from me. i also followed you back from my mainblog, so cheers to being mutuals. i'll try to send you a bunch of asks too, since 🤝 be the change you want to see in the world.

[cortlandkaard]

What music do you listen to?

Also what gifts did Golden Cheese Cookie give you?

🧦 alright so to start off, golden cheese doesn't really give our family gifts anymore (because we're very "awww you didn't have to!!! (this is code for i feel guilty that you spent your money on me)" people) but... we play fighting games together!! 💪🏽 she always kicks my ass though cause i have really clumsy hands.

.

🧦 personally i listen to noise music slop (metaroom, like 2 vocaloid songs) and like. i can name some real artists too i guess - bad omens? naoki? bring me the horizon? and idk genres but i guess deathcore or whatever the hell (oooh super emo edgy)

🧦 (basically most of my music taste stems from the person who is known as "infinite torment nexus" on this blog) (💖 yes they have good music taste i just hate them immensely (in a friendship way))

🧦 overall, hype music that makes me hype and snap my neck (you should see me when im in the zone) (i get craayzee) (i love to dance) (i dont dance like a normal person) (💖 psst i'm gonna promote the playlist) (ok)

🧦 also car seat headrest and radiohead? which doesn't really fit those same vibes because that's on the slower and chill end (back when i was depress and very not in a good mental place) (i still listen to these artists but less now)

🧦 and i'm not gonna let the other guy comment on music because this is MY post so, maybe you'll learn the rest in another reblog (in maybe exactly a month). who knows?

[accidentalslayer]

🎃 Some changes coming to this blog 🎃

TL;DR Summary: You might notice me branching out into new topics or areas of interest now that I'm no longer writing TVD fanfiction. The overall vibe of this blog might alter a little. Although, I'll still be fall & autumn posting until the day I die and well into the afterlife if there is one. Things leaving: TVD fanfiction, my personal fanfiction, vampire stuff unless I feel like talking about them. Things possibly being introduced: More shitposting, mental illness related posts about my feelings on stuff, art maybe??? A journal on my adventures in lucid dreaming, shifting, and astral projection????* *That might turn into a whole new blog tbh. I don't know if any of my followers would enjoy listening to me babble about weird dream crap.

Read below for an expanded discourse about my ideas on what will change.

So! I've kind of run out of steam when it comes to writing fanfiction for TVD. Netflix eradicating the show from their streaming services kind of slammed down the final coffin nail on my muse, so to speak, & I was really bummed when I found out yesterday. This blog started out as a TVD/Originals sanctuary for me, after all... But it's grown into something more now. It's become a place where I can express feelings & thoughts that I've had hiding inside me but never felt safe enough to say out loud. And I've had so much fun with Autumn aesthetics; turning this blog into a Fall paradise has improved my mood in so many ways! Whenever I'm depressed, I just look at my blog and imagine that I'm relaxing in my pumpkin patch, far away from the noise and troubles of the world. & I've also made a couple of friends along the way here! Looking at you guys: @king-yandere and @margueritetheduchess05💖

The question remains, however. If I won't be writing about vampires anymore, then where do I go from here? What should I do? It's a solid fact that I go insane if I'm not actively engaging with my creativity in some way. Last night, the only thing I did was brainstorm, and stress myself out trying to think of SOMETHING. Today, I think I finally have a game plan. so lemme lay it out for you. Or rather, me. I don't know if anyone is actually reading this LOL. 🎃 "Accidentalslayer" name will still remain along with blog title. My autumn & spooky aesthetics are here to stay. I might reblog people's fanfics from time to time but I think I'm moving away from writing fic myself. Besides, it didn't feel very rewarding if I'm honest. I got very little engagement on my chapters. So, if I ever DO write another story on this blog again, it'll be definitely be an original fiction. My pumpkin hat off to fanfiction writers everywhere, though! A LOT of effort, time, and research goes into fanfic that readers will never know about... 🎃 It's already been there on the periphery but I think this blog might just turn into my main shitposting/journal outlet for talking about my mundane experiences. Mental illness, funny thoughts, & feelings that visit my brain every day. If I can somehow get my "art brain" to work again, I might post art here, idk. 🎃 I'm a spiritual hoe. I love talking about witchcraft, tarot, and lucid dreaming but I'm not really sure this blog is where I should talk about that stuff. I have @flowercrone for all my tarot/PAC readings but I've really REALLY started to take an interest in astral projection, shifting, and lucid dreaming. I even started a journal recently to document all my experiences. I should probably start another blog that's dedicated JUST to shifting and astral projection, idk. If you've gotten this far in the post, you're loved beyond belief right now. 💖 Please feel free to send suggestions to me in my asks if you have any ideas about anything I've written in this post.

[justabigassnerd]

okay ngl I really didn't want to make this post but it's been building up inside me for maybe just over a week now so I just need to get my feelings out

for the past few days, I've been getting an influx of spam likers, which honestly I don't mind too much but there's been a few that literally liked my fics one after another (like I just watched my phone get repeated notifications) and it was just giving vibes that people just aren't reading my stuff, like I'm not joking before I uploaded my most recent fic I went days without a single reblog and it appears to be going back to that even now

I've gotten a significant decrease in reblogs/comments and it's making my motivation to write anything dwindle as well. even my latest Hangman junior fic got a ratio of 103 likes to 11 reblogs w/ one comment. I'm not saying you have to comment on my fics (if you're not confident in doing it on the post itself my ask box is open and you can send something on anon) but reblogs spread my work around and make me feel like people are actually enjoying my work

rn I'm getting the vibe people aren't enjoying my stuff anymore and it's just heartbreaking to think bc I spend so much time and effort making these fics and I feel like I'm fucking up somehow

sorry for that rant but I needed to get it out I'm not trying to sound entitled

[radellama]

Tagged by @sandushengshou thank youuuu!

~~

1. why did you choose your url?

It's an evolution of a suggestion @woogly-boogly made actually. We were probably 14~ish and I was saying I didn't really have any ideas for a name for my art account I was going to make, and he suggested adellama as a pun on my name and cause I like llamas. Made it radellama cause my nickname is Rads and it sounds cooler lolll

2. any sideblogs? if you have them name them and why you have them.

Yeas, I used to hoard a few urls for chrono related names but now I don't have any of them cause it got my account sniped for a time 😑

@chrono-the-babe - the chrono blog. It's bigger than my main lmao I love it. I've put effort into making it the best archive of fan shit for chrono that I can, I'm not always up to date with it but I have been going for years and I'm not stopping now

@radellama-art - my art archive, just a nicer place to look through all my art in one place cause sometimes I post on other blogs, but everything rbed to there is mine

@our-ends-will-shine-like-stars - made a blog for this au fic cause it's massive, and I have so much planning and art and stuff for it and don't wanna spam my ct blog too much, so here it goes!

@abe-and-orc - Abe and Orc. I'll post on there properly when I actually have more stuff to show and I start making the comic..... But they're my OCs, gotta nab the url here while I can haha

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

God idk. a little over a decade by this point probably

4. do you have a queue tag?

Used to but I don't really use the queue function anymore. I'm just rbing LMAO

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

I liked seeing the text posts on Pinterest, and when I got here it was so cool to see Loz fanart and stuff for the music I liked at the time!! It was fun making friends and sending each other fan mail on here lollll

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

THEY'RE MY GAY BOYS!! It's Magus (light blue hair, from chrono trigger) and Harland (dark blue hair, my OC I made specifically to be gay with him lmao) I like them!!!!!!

7. why did you choose your header?

It's a funny meme I redrew to be magland 😏😏

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

This one

9. how many mutuals do you have?

Don't count them, and there's no tracker lol

10. how many followers do you have?

149

11. how many people do you follow?

686

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

Yeah probably, idk

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

I usually check in once a day, maybe twice if I have time lol. Otherwise if I'm busy or something I just go on when waiting for public transport or during a lunch break type moment, or just wait until I go to bed and scroll for a bit. Sometimes I just take breaks and don't go on for most the day or skip a day or two just cause I'm not feeling it, or I'm too busy and don't really have the time. It's whatever

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

Yeah a few very brief responses but it's not a big deal lol, I try not to get wrapped up in that stuff too much. I'm pretty liberal with blocking if I'm not vibing

15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts

Fuck off

16. do you like tag games?

Yeas

17. do you like ask games?

Yeas

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

Thog

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

No. The most would probably be infatuation cause they're cool

20. tags

@woogly-boogly @chemicalbrew @just-wublrful @lobotomy-maybe-bestie @controlvariable @future-dregs @fanimefreak @kanonavi @darksideofthemamon @aliciaevers and anyone else who would like to. No pressure as always!

[monsterlovinghours]

What about the Dons in DnD world? 🤔

I'm sure some are really easy but fell free to do an in depth analysis on their role and backstory. (The easiest one would definitely be Scarabee 👀)

Ooooohh. Since I'm on my phone and typing out long things is hard I prooooobably won't go too in-depth but I invite y'all to reblog with your own thoughts and opinions!

-A while back @realmonsterboyhours drew Bajo as a tiefling and now I can't see him as anything else. He's also bard coded, he's definitely got the charisma for it--he also plays that sexy flamenco guitar.

-You're absolutely right though, Scarabee is a no-brainer. Obviously a warlock, he's got a patron already part of his lore. Has just about every spell or potion ingredient you could think of up in his attic. As for race, I could see a half-elf. Like, there's something of the fey about him, but he's been human or at least knows what being human is like.

-Zhuk is an orc and I'll die on this hill. He's big, he's beefy, he's large and in charge. I'm also going with barbarian, based solely again on art drawn by @realmonsterboyhours of him holding a sledgehammer. Imagine big-ass swords in those meathooks of his. Or a giant axe. Or just picture him saying "fuck it" and beating someone to death with his bare hands. Look at me and tell me he wouldn't do it. Not because he isn't civilized or intelligent but because someone's gotta do the dirty work.

-Cia is an elf druid. I mean, *look at him.* Mans is about as fey coded as you can get and looks like he didn't see something that wasn't a tree until he hit triple digits. If you took the daddy energy out of Halsin, you'd be left with Ciaróg. Also, he helps his tiefling husband with his rose gardens and how cute is that??

-Gio is an enigma. He's absolutely an eldritch horror, but just for funsies, I think he'd take the form of a drow. After a couple of centuries he might change his form, but drow is his favorite. He has a lot of arcane knowledge, things that beings of this plane shouldn't know, so he just tells everyone he's a wizard. Did a lot of studying, you know.

-Saft a half-orc artificer. He's a bit of a big boi, sturdy and thick, but despite his size and his brutish heritage, he can tinker with the most delicate mechanisms. Mostly uses his knowledge to make explosives and weapons; incendiary devices are his favorite. Has built so many guns.

-Bjalla is a vampire. "hhhh but what's his race" LISTEN HERE I'M NOT CHANGING WHAT'S ALREADY PERFECT. Of course he's a fucking vampire, what else would he be? And yes, I believe he would be a rogue. No, I am not saying this because I'm also madly in love with Astarion. There will be no further questions. He's canonically an assassin, you can't tell me he wouldn't be a rogue. Yes, I have a type, leave me alone dammit.

-Mozzie gives me dwarf energy, though his size doesn't quite gel with that idea. Maybe an earth genasi? Something earthy idk. He also gives ranger vibes, someone who travels a bunch. Though in this realm of high fantasy, since internet isn't a thing, he deals in information. He can gather intel, spread rumors, manipulate the flow of knowledge from one person or place to another.

-Lag is a firbolg. He's big, he's fluffy, he's a big ol sweetheart who couldn't hurt a soul if he tried. Also probably a druid, though he's less concerned with plant life and more with animals. He's the fauna to Cia's flora.

-Devlin is a shifter. Like, it's obvious, right? Clearly he's a shifter, he's werewolf coded. And honestly, I think he's our cleric, just because I had the idea that the deity he worships is so ancient and he's been cursed so many times, he's actually forgotten its name. But also how funny would it be to have a cleric that bestows blessings and makes things holy by literally absorbing the curses and evil magic. It's fine, he's fine, it doesn't hurt! Not anymore, anyway.

[rakassauce]

welcome, and howdy!!!

yo, I'm raka. an artist who adores the scene subculture, anime/cartoons, and the old internet. been a while since i did an intro, and I don't particularly enjoy my current one. so, i thought i'd fix that!

but before i get into it, lemme begin with some ground rules:

DNI if you are/support ANY of the following:

a proshipper/comshipper

a terf/truscum/transmed/transphobic in any way

anti-palestine (however, that doesn't give you the right to be an anti-semite, that shit ain't cool)

Are a pro-lifer, this is a pro-choice zone babie

anti-neopronouns

ableist

a MAP/YAP, get that pedo shit outta here

a neo-nazi/on some type of white supremecist shit

a zoophile

...they gone now? yeah? cool, let's rock n' roll. (quick heads up for flashing blinkies/images, and eyestrain. that's gonna be a constant on this blog.)

name: raka/alex/izzy

age: 16, turning 17 on JULY 14TH!!!

DOB: 07/14/2007

pronouns: she/he/they

current hyperfixation: YU-GI-OH!!!!

favorite color: hot pink/red/neon green

favorite song: party like a millionaire - millionaires/i also like genres like rock, electronic, and pop

favorite games: sims (4 and 3), touhou project, legend of zelda

hobbies: scouring the internet, watching anime, drawing, spending time w/ my bf

favorite food: menudo!! my nanny (that's what I call my grandma ^^;) makes it for me occasionally and on my bday nearly every year

dislikes: assholes, unnecessary internet discourse, instagram comments, my horrible sleep schedule (help lol)

favorite movie(s): yugioh the movie: pyramid of light, bill and ted's excellent adventure, idle hands

likes: the night, old internet vibes, art, magical girls (SAILOR MOON), scene kid stuff

loves: my dad and my boyfriend!!!

rando facts: i'm half mexican :] i wanna learn more spanish to be in touch with my mom's side of the family. i've only ever finished one anime despite starting a few, and that would be Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood. even though i'm on ep 27 of the 2003 version of FMA (it's on hold since it isn't my current fixation), i honestly prefer it. my favorite vocaloids are hatsune miku and kagamine rin and len)! now if we're talking utauloids: yokune ruko and kasane teto.

my tags:

#raka's sauce (my art)

#other people's awesome sauce (reblogged art)

#raka reblogs!

#raka's brain dump

#raka's cc finds!!

so, i'm raka. i've lurked around the internet for a little while now--since I was about five. restricted internet access? don't know her. i only started really participating in online communities when i was about 10, on quotev and amino (rip, it was a shitshow but i had a good time for the most part). at some point i just kinda...fell off of trying to find internet spaces? it didn't really feel fun anymore, y'know? i went back to lurking, looking at stuff i enjoyed/making things in silence.

well, fuck that. if i wanna have fun, i'm gonna make it fun. i love drawing, i always have!! i've been drawing since i was about five or six. it's always been an escape for me during REALLY rough times--it made me happy to draw my favorite characters, and even create my own! i love interacting with fandom spaces too, finding folks who are into the same stuff i am. connecting with strangers is fun, when you don't really know anybody irl who shares your exact interests!

i wanna make/reblog fandom art on here, and maybe make moots/friends. i also have OCs i love and adore that i'd like to share--with lore, of course.

i hope y'all have a wonderful day or night!!! take care of yourselves!!!

with all that said, blinkie/stamp dump time!!! a further insight of myself, if you will

sources for a few stamps:

Mel-Rosey on Deviantart

StarriiChan on Deviantart

kas7ia on Deviantart

blinkies.cafe for blinkies

YukiMiyasawa on Deviantart | another stamp from them

hissatsugirl on Deviantart

Papikari on Deviantart

Magica-28 on Deviantart

RaptureCyner on Deviantart

and feel free to hmu on other things such as:

discord - rakassauce

artfight

spacehey (i need to finish up my profile :/ sorry for mess)

instagram

[strangertheories]

I usually don't care about cons if i am being honest but whenever actors say something the fans don't particularly like or things that make them 'doubt byler endgame' i just tend to wonder what will happen in the fandom if Byler isn't really endgame because it seems like the fandom will just blow in itself and there wont be any fans left in this fandom anymore. Of course everyone can decide what they want to do and leave the fandom if they want to, but basing your (almost) whole show/fandom experience on a ship doesn't seem that... great? Maybe it is just me but I do not get putting your expectation on a ship that it causes you this much stress and 'doubt' and it also would end up making you hate an entire show just because a ship that you prefer did not end up happening, when there are too much stuff happening on the show that you can still continue talking if you want to.

A lot of accounts I used to enjoy interacting with and mutuals deactivated after Volume 2. But before that, I remember when I first joined the fandom, the Byler pessimism really got to me. Every ask I got was someone talking about how scared or sad they were because a new promo or interview or whatever contradicted Byler and I made a few posts on Byler pessimism.

But Stranger Things is my special interest outside of shipping and I didn't make this blog to only talk about Byler and it was easier for me to ignore. I think for a lot of people, Byler is just really stress inducing to the point where they can't enjoy the show which is a shame to me. I think Byler endgame would be amazing queer rep but it's not the only reason I like the show and I think that if it's making you miserable you need to take a step back for a second because fandom is supposed to be fun. Easier said than done however.

But yeah, I'm also scared for what's gonna take place if Byler doesn't happen. Noah was asking people not to blame him if it doesn't happen recently, and I get why. I'm scared that Byler doesn't happen, not just because of the quality of the show as I've never fully expected it to happen, but more for the quality of the fan base. I really enjoy this blog and posting my thoughts and reblogging my mutuals and all that stuff but the community feels so tenuous. Even if I have Byler doubts, I love the ship and it's dynamic and I enjoy analysing the show from a Byler standpoint. I also love Will and Robin and Eleven and other characters who I can relate to for whatever reason. But it feels like the fandom breaks apart every time there's bad news.

I don't know if this makes sense. Don't cancel me, guys ): I'm so terrified of bringing down the vibe in this community because I know how sad it makes people. I guess my point is that Byler should be making you happy and of course you're allowed to be disappointed if it doesn't happy or overjoyed if it does, but take care of yourself first.