#maybe he overcomes his trauma and finds peace in them

[stonebelyash]

So I've read the Story of a Variant by keiidakamya on X and and daymn ☹🥺🥺🥺🥺 I want to cry. ( the kid is from this comic) I got inpired and now I can't think about anything but father figure Loki garrrrrrrr

[yongility]

NEO TV # I LIKE ME BETTER WHEN I'M WITH YOU. (jaehyun x reader) 7/?

genre: angst, suggestive, gang au, rich kid au, enemies to lovers (kinda), a lil of fluffy stuff. slowburn, series.

warnings: drug use mentions, gangs, fights, use of weapons, adult language, illegal activities, cheating (not on the main couple), toxic family environment, addictions, manipulation, insecurities, illegal street racing, death mentions. jeno is jaehyun's younger brother, angst, smut and if I slip something my bad haha.

word count: +10k?

Warnings for this chapter: might be kinda long af cuz I don’t want to make this series long, so maybe we’ll have this chapter and two more for the finale. In this chapter we’re gonna get some description about Winwin’s trauma and accident, so it might be deep. Also NSFW, unprotected sex (don’t do it plssss), drug use, loooots of angst, police involvement (if that’s a warning lol)

To be dead while alive.

To live without feeling.

Or to watch your life pass before your eyes… unable to do anything. Winwin wasn’t sure which of those options was worse. Feeling his body trapped in a hospital bed, his mind awake but powerless, was a fate worse than death itself. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t speak. He couldn’t find any comfort within his own mind to give him even the slightest peace… It was like being trapped in a glass bubble, unable to touch anything, not even the people who still kept him company to this day.

He wasn’t even aware of how much time had passed since the accident, since the last reaction he managed to have, and since the last time his body had been connected to his mind… it might have felt like an eternity. In his mind, his memories of life before the accident grew blurry, as if they belonged to someone else. All that remained was emptiness. The present was a thick fog that never cleared.

He wanted to be able to do something, for himself, for his friends… especially for the memory of his parents.

He felt trapped in his own body, it was impossible not to think that. With every new visitor, except Jaehyun, Mark, or Lucas, he hoped that it would be the day he could finally do something to change his current state, but he seemed to betray himself. It was as if his mind was disconnected from his body, as if his soul were somewhere else, because no matter how much he wished to overcome it and regain some control over his life, he seemed broken enough not to be able to. He was a spectator of his own life.

Sometimes, when his friends came to visit him, Winwin focused on their voices, on every word and request, but it was inevitable to think that he wasn’t able to give them anything in return. It was like being dead while alive.

The worst part of all was not only the inactivity of his body but the inability to let go of the guilt. The guilt of not being strong enough to avoid the accident, the guilt of not being able to save his parents, the guilt of not being able to recover and be what everyone expected of him. There was no comfort, because all he could feel was that he was failing.

The clock on the wall seemed to mock (Y/N), marking each second with a coldness that unsettled her. It was the first time she found herself alone in that room… and she didn’t even know why she had mustered the courage to do it. Winwin wasn’t her friend. She didn’t even know about the situation he was in months ago… there was no specific reason that led her to that place.

Why am I here? she asked herself, looking at the white walls of the room. What do I expect to find? Visiting someone with whom I’d never had a close relationship? The truth was, she wasn’t sure… she could just blame it on curiosity if she wanted to.

The mere thought of seeing Winwin in that place, sunk into an almost eternal stillness, churned her stomach. Yet, a part of her knew this visit was more about understanding Jaehyun than about offering anything to Winwin. She wanted to make sense of what had happened—the tragedy that had left everyone around Winwin shattered, including Jaehyun. Perhaps, by understanding it, she could grasp why everything had fallen apart.

Maybe that understanding was what made her cling to the idea that Jaehyun was still capable of changing himself.

Winwin was there. Motionless. As if life itself had stopped flowing through him. She could barely make out the faint movements that indicated he was still alive, breathing, but somehow, it felt like he was no longer present. His face, so serene, stood in stark contrast to the turmoil she felt inside. How could anyone move forward after losing so much?

Unintentionally, her mind began to wander through memories of Jaehyun, the moments when he had spoken about Winwin—always with affection, with a loyalty that had begun to make her feel like an outsider. Jaehyun had made it clear how important Winwin was, how what had happened to him hadn’t just affected him but everyone who cared about him.

“They really miss you,” (Y/N) managed to say. “I don’t know if I should even be here, but… I guess now I’m also hoping you’ll go back to being who you once were.”

She waited for a reaction, but she knew there wouldn’t be one.

“I’m sorry for assuming you’d just moved back to China... I know we were never close, just classmates, but I shouldn’t have been so wrapped up in my own little world that I didn’t know what had really happened to you,” she said, her voice heavy with regret. The thought that Winwin was her age, yet the stark difference between them lay in how her life had kept moving forward while his had come to a halt, gnawed at her.

“The dance team really lost their brightest star. I wish I could have told you this under different circumstances, not after finding out what you’ve been through… but you really were the heart of that team,” she added with a soft, bittersweet laugh.

What am I doing here?

There was something profoundly unsettling about the situation, something that left her without answers. Yet, in that moment, she realized it didn’t matter how deeply she reflected on it or how sincere her words were—nothing could change reality.

In the end, all that remained was silence.

Silence.

That was all there was between them. Just the muffled echo of a room where even the machines seemed to breathe louder than Winwin. The tension in the air was palpable, an invisible hum that seemed to vibrate against the stark white walls of the room. (Y/N) sat quietly beside the bed, her eyes fixed on Winwin, who lay motionless, trapped in a body that refused to respond.

The words swirled in her throat, but at the same time, they felt utterly useless. Speaking to him felt like tossing stones into a bottomless well. Still, the faint movement she’d noticed earlier lingered in her mind. It was like a hidden heartbeat beneath centuries of stillness. She couldn’t ignore it.

Gently, she reached for his hand, as if afraid her touch might break him. It was cold, pale, with faint scars that told the story of his silent battle.

“I know you’re still there,” she murmured, her voice cracking on the last word. She wasn’t sure if she was saying it to convince him or herself. “I know you can hear me, Winwin.”

Her words hung in the air, unanswered. Closing her eyes, (Y/N) felt the weight of emotional exhaustion settle in her chest. She took a deep breath, searching for the strength she felt slipping away, and spoke again.

“I don’t know if anyone’s told you this before, but... it’s okay to feel tired. It’s okay to not know how to keep going.” Tears began to stream down her face, unstoppable. “But please… don’t give up. Not yet.”

Trapped in the prison of his own mind, Winwin felt something. A spark. Small, but real. Her words seeped through the thick fog surrounding him. He had been in the void for so long that he’d forgotten what it felt like to feel. Now, emotions were beginning to stir, like a river slowly breaking free of its icy shell.

Inside, he screamed. He tried to move his hand, open his eyes, anything to show her he was there. It was a desperate effort, as if he were trying to break invisible chains that bound him in place.

And then, it happened.

A small spasm ran through his hand—barely a flicker—but enough for (Y/N) to feel it. She gasped, almost letting go in surprise. Her eyes widened as she stared at him, searching for another sign.

“Winwin?” she whispered, her voice trembling.

Inside, Winwin couldn’t respond the way he wanted, but he clung to her words. They weren’t empty promises. They were a lifeline from someone who wasn’t ready to give up on him.

And for the first time in what felt like forever, the darkness inside him seemed to recede just a little.

When Lucas received the call from the clinic notifying him that, once again, Winwin had shown a small reaction, he felt a spark of hope illuminate the darkest corner of his heart. It had been so long since anything remotely positive had happened that just hearing the word reaction seemed almost miraculous. However, when he arrived at the hospital and found the unexpected company of Hwang (Y/N), he couldn’t help but feel a mix of surprise and relief. He didn’t know her well, but at that moment, her presence felt like an anchor in the middle of a sea of uncertainty.

Lucas had tried to contact Jaehyun, leaving multiple messages in his voicemail. He knew how much Winwin meant to him and how much it hurt to be caught between the weight of guilt and helplessness. But while waiting for Jaehyun to arrive, Lucas listened to the doctor with all the attention he could gather, striving to process the words full of medical terms and uncertain possibilities.

The doctor cautiously explained that those small reactions, although minimal, could indicate that something was happening neurologically. That maybe, after so much time of apparent inertia, Winwin’s mind was beginning to respond. It wasn’t a guarantee, much less an immediate solution, but it was a spark of hope, something that gave them a reason to keep believing.

When the doctor left the room, leaving Lucas and (Y/N) alone with Winwin, Lucas took a moment to breathe deeply. His eyes rested on his friend, as motionless as ever, but this time with a different aura, as if something invisible was awakening inside him. He closed his eyes for a moment, thanking the universe, any higher power that might exist, for this small victory. As tiny as it was, it meant the world to him.

“Thank you for being here,” he said, turning to (Y/N). There was something in his tone that was sincere, almost vulnerable. “I’m glad that Winwin had a stimulation at the right moment to push him to react.”

(Y/N) looked at him, barely smiling. She wasn’t sure what to say. Words seemed insufficient to express everything she was feeling. Finally, she chose the truth.

“To be honest, I really don’t clearly know why I’m here. I don’t know why I came to see him in the first place.”

Lucas nodded, understanding more than she imagined. There was something in that uncertainty that resonated with him. Sometimes, reasons didn’t matter as much as actions themselves.

“You don’t need to know,” he assured her, his voice firm but kind. “What’s important is that you’re here now.”

A comfortable silence settled between them. Both looked at Winwin, each with their own thoughts but sharing a common emotion: hope.

Lucas finally let himself sink into the chair next to the bed, his eyes fixed on his friend. He had spent so much time talking to a motionless body, trying to fill the void with his own words, that he had grown used to the absence of a response. But now, every small movement, every tiny reaction, was a reminder that Winwin was still there, fighting in some way.

Unfortunately, and to their bad luck, visiting hours that day had already ended, so after giving Winwin one last look, they were forced to leave.

The exit from the clinic was marked by a heavy silence. The cold night air wrapped around Lucas and (Y/N) as they walked through the empty parking lot, their steps echoing against the concrete. Both carried in their minds the image of Winwin, motionless but full of a hope that was just beginning to sprout. However, that faint light didn’t seem enough to dissipate the cloud hanging over them.

When Lucas finally broke the silence, his tone was almost conspiratorial, as if speaking aloud could invoke undesirable consequences.

“I shouldn’t tell you this,” he admitted, stopping next to a light post. The shadows danced on his face, making his expression seem even more serious. “But I think you deserve to know.”

(Y/N) frowned, her confusion evident. She crossed her arms, watching him expectantly. “What is it?” she asked, trying to stay calm, though something in Lucas’s tone gave her a bad feeling.

Lucas lowered his gaze for a moment, as if deciding whether he should really continue. But when he raised his eyes to her, they were full of determination.

“Sooman asked Jaehyun to make an exchange with him.”

The weight of those words fell on (Y/N) like a bucket of cold water. At first, the words didn’t fully make sense. Exchange? What did that mean in this context? But it only took an instant for the gravity of the situation to begin taking shape in her mind.

“I don’t understand,” she finally said, her voice trembling slightly. But deep down, she already sensed it wasn’t anything good.

Lucas sighed, running a hand through his hair in frustration. “Sooman wants Jaehyun to accompany him to a weapons exchange... which means Sooman expects him to take a more active role in the gang. To become someone willing to get his hands completely dirty. And to achieve that, he’s asking him to go along. An exchange... for his absolute loyalty.”

The words echoed in (Y/N)’s head. She felt how anger and helplessness began to form in her chest, fighting to surface. Jaehyun, always so stubborn, so convinced that he could protect everyone from that dark world, was now being dragged even further.

“Why are you telling me this?” she finally murmured, her voice barely a whisper.

Lucas looked at her with a mix of compassion and seriousness. “Because I think you two deserve a chance together. And because, if that’s going to happen, Jaehyun needs to stay far away from this mess, far from everything the gang means.”

(Y/N) shook her head, pressing her lips together while trying to control the emotions swirling inside her. She felt like she was about to break, but she forced herself to stay composed.

“Jaehyun isn’t going to leave the gang,” she said, almost as if reminding herself as much as Lucas. “He’s made that clear more than once. He’s stubborn. I won’t be able to change his mind.”

Lucas shrugged but didn’t stop looking at her with firmness. “Maybe you can’t change his mind. But that doesn’t mean you should give up on him. Jaehyun isn’t bad, (Y/N). He’s trapped in this because of a twisted sense of responsibility. But if anyone can make him see things differently, I think it’s you.”

(Y/N) let out a bitter laugh, lowering her gaze to the ground. “And what if he doesn’t want to listen to me? What if he’s so convinced he’s doing the right thing that he doesn’t care what I say?” she asked, a hint of despair in her voice.

Lucas stepped closer, placing a hand on her shoulder. “Then at least you’ll have tried. Because if you do nothing, Sooman will take him further than any of us can reach. And trust me, that’s not a place that’s easy to come back from.”

Lucas’s words struck deeply in (Y/N). She glanced back at the clinic one last time, as if seeking strength from the place that had witnessed the small spark of hope for Winwin. Now, she understood that it wasn’t just Winwin who was trapped. Jaehyun was too, though in a different way. The question was whether she had the strength to try and save them both.

(Y/N) remained silent, her thoughts echoing endlessly in her mind. Lucas’s words weighed heavier than she wanted to admit. She knew he made sense, but she also knew that confronting Jaehyun would be like talking to a wall: hard, impenetrable, and determined to stay standing no matter what.

Lucas broke the silence, his voice softer this time, almost as if he feared breaking something in her. “You don’t have to decide now,” he said, his hands buried in the pockets of his jacket. “But, (Y/N), Jaehyun is playing with fire. And the problem with fire isn’t just that it burns you… it also consumes everything close to you. If you don’t do something now, I don’t know how much longer he’ll stay safe.”

She looked up at him, meeting his eyes that, despite their apparent strength, reflected the weight of worry. She wanted to respond, to say something comforting, but she couldn’t. She was caught between the desire to help and the fear of failing.

“Why me?” she finally asked, her voice barely a whisper. There was no challenge in her tone, only genuine uncertainty. “What makes you think I can do anything?”

Lucas gave her a faint smile, almost tinged with resignation. “Because Jaehyun listens when you speak. He might not show it, but he listens. And because you’re not trapped in this—not the way we are. You have something to offer him, something that can remind him there’s more beyond this world. Something worth fighting for.”

His words struck (Y/N) deeply. She had always known that Jaehyun was special to her, but hearing someone else put it into words made the feeling more real, more tangible.

She took a deep breath of the cold air, trying to clear her mind. Something inside her stirred—a spark that was beginning to ignite, though she wasn’t sure if it would be enough for what lay ahead.

“Where is he?” she finally asked, her tone more resolute.

Lucas looked at her for a moment before nodding, as if he had been expecting that question all along.

“At home. That’s where he usually goes when he needs to clear his head. But also…” He hesitated, carefully choosing his words. “It’s where he goes when he’s planning something. I don’t know how open he’ll be to listening, but if anyone can get him to stop and hear, it’s you.”

(Y/N) nodded slowly, her fingers fidgeting with the strap of her bag as she processed the information. There was no time for doubt or second-guessing. If Jaehyun was at risk of sinking even further, she couldn’t stand by and do nothing.

“Thank you, Lucas,” she said finally, before turning toward the parking lot. Her voice was low, but there was a hint of determination in it.

“(Y/N),” he called, just before she could walk away. She turned, and for a moment, Lucas seemed more vulnerable than she had ever seen him. “Be careful. He might be stubborn, but he doesn’t deserve to lose you too. Nobody does.”

She didn’t respond, but she gave him a small smile, just enough to show that she understood.

With every step she took toward her car, the weight on her chest felt both lighter and heavier at the same time. The thought of facing Jaehyun scared her, but the thought of doing nothing… that was far worse.

The last time she had stepped into Jaehyun’s house, the memories had etched themselves onto her like marks on her skin. It hadn’t been just a moment; it had been a clash of emotions, a revelation that left her caught between the warmth of sharing something intimate with him and the chill of understanding just how trapped he was in Neo Zone, that dark, tangled world that seemed to consume him. She remembered the feel of his lips, how Jaehyun had allowed a small part of himself to open up to her, offering a glimpse of something he guarded so closely. But she also remembered the weight of realizing how much of him was anchored to that life holding him back.

That was why, standing in front of his door once more, her emotions were a whirlwind. Every step that had brought her here had been a mix of conviction and doubt. Was she ready to face him? To confront what it meant to stand beside someone like him? Even so, she raised her hand and knocked softly, as if afraid the door itself might crumble under the weight of her intentions.

When Jaehyun opened the door, his expression was a mix of confusion and something almost vulnerable, as if he hadn’t been prepared to see her there. His eyes searched hers, as though trying to decipher what her presence in that moment could mean. Then, the words left his mouth with a sharpness he hadn’t intended.

“What are you doing here?”

His tone was harsher than he meant, but (Y/N) didn’t flinch. She had expected this reaction. She took a deep breath, trying to keep her voice steady as she looked him straight in the eye.

“I need you.”

Jaehyun blinked, thrown off balance. Those two words hit him harder than he cared to admit. There were many things he was used to hearing: orders, reprimands, warnings. But I need you... those words carried a weight he didn’t know how to handle. He stayed silent, staring at (Y/N) as if waiting for her to elaborate, to explain what those words meant.

“I thought we already talked about this, angel,” he said, his body leaning toward her instinctively, as if an invisible magnet always drew them together.

“I know, and I told you then that there’s always something pulling me to you.”

Jaehyun exhaled slowly, trying to keep his composure, but (Y/N)’s words disarmed him, as they always did. That raw honesty, that way she had of saying exactly what she felt, left him defenseless.

“(Y/N)...” he began, but his voice trailed off. He couldn’t find the words. He didn’t know how to respond without revealing just how much those simple phrases affected him.

She looked at him with an intensity that almost made him step back, but he didn’t. Instead, he took a step closer, closing the distance between them.

“I need you,” she repeated, her whisper brushing against his lips.

Jaehyun didn’t wait another second before crashing his lips against hers in a hungry, desperate kiss.

His hands roamed wherever they could—her hips, her waist, her lower back—as if needing to confirm she was really there. He tugged her closer, pulling her into the house and pressing her against the wall. His lips left hers to trail kisses along her neck.

Lost in the moment and the intoxicating rush, she brought her hands to the back of his neck, pulling him even closer, if that was possible. She could feel the heat, the desire, the overwhelming hunger that wrapped around them both in that moment. Her legs, with a small jump, wrapped around Jaehyun’s waist, and his hands moved to her thighs to hold her securely as she clung to him.

The intensity between them was undeniable, a whirlwind of passion and longing that neither could resist.

“You make me loose myself in you” Jaehyun confessed in a sigh and returning to her lips. “You're a danger to me” she attacked his mouth again, causing a moan to come from deep inside her, achieving a thrill inside the boy and making his dick twitch in his pants. The kissing session simply became more cadenced as the seconds passed and in the blink of an eye, without understanding how, they ended up entering Jaehyun's room. Where, once, being inside, she (Y/N) was gently thrown onto the bed of the boy, who positioned himself on top of her and continued his caresses down her body.

“You're the most beautiful thing I have... and I can't become selfish enough to let you stay” he murmured.

“Jaehyun” she moaned. “I want you.”

The boy looked into her eyes as he brought his hands to the girl's shirt and untucked it with breathtaking fluidity.

“Where do you want me, my love?” he asked lustfully.

“Inside me... wherever... but I need you, I want you.”

(Y/N) had a way with words, because right there, releasing that sentence, being under Jaehyun's body, so willing to him... the boy wanted to give her everything he had at that moment. The kisses became hotter, the caresses more needy and rougher, and the clothes were quickly disappearing. Every touch and every glance was charged with so much lust and passion that it caused Jaehyun to be unable to think of anything else. Nothing of her life, nothing of the gang, nothing of the exchange.

Just (Y/N).

(Y/N)... (Y/N)... (Y/N).

“Jae” the girl let out a sigh when Jaehyun's hand was on her intimate part, caressing her over the fabric of her panties, feeling the wetness that the situation was generating in her, but her ecstasy was on the rise when Jaehyun decided to get rid of her panties and bring his mouth to her sex.

She could feel a little air crashing into her mules. “You're always a cutie” Jaehyun murmured and without further ado he plunged his mouth into her womanhood running his warm tongue between her lips, I feel gentle.

(Y/N)'s mouth could only let out moans here and there. Feeling her breath hitch as Jaehyun decided to lightly suck on her clit, Jaehyun placed his hands on her thighs to continue his work, pressing his mouth against her core and moving his tongue inside with the tip, generating more stimulation.

Jaehyun surely isn’t shy about using his tongue on her; because he’s just good about it. (Y/N)’s hands go straight to Jaheyun’s hair trying to get a hold on anything that can make her not to lose her shit, but the grip has Jaehyun going feral; as he just apples more pressure in her thighs and bring his head closer, if that’s even possible, to her pussy. Must be pretty obvious she was close enough to cum, because Jaehyun took the chance to introduce his middle finger into her entrance, sliding just perfectly.

“Shit… Jae- keep going” she murmured biting her lip and gripping tighter onto his hair.

“Just keep moaning like that, my pretty baby angel” he says taking a breath to once again lap at her pussy, working his tongue so beautifully that got (Y/N) seeing stars.

“You want me to fuck you, baby?” Jaehyun asks when he left her pussy to be able to stare at her.

She nodded and tug his hair so he could get closer to her face, she looked at him straight in the eyes and she could swear, his eyes were twinkling. She gave him a fucked out look and she brought him closer.

“Yes, baby; I want you to fuck me. Make a mess on me” she stated as she kissed passionately on his lips.

This kiss was eager, so full of warmth and love, that they got too lost in the moment. Jaehyun’s fingers kept sliding in her pussy simultaneously, making her shake under him.

It was just too good.

Then Jaehyun took his fingers out and his hand went straight to take a hold on his cock so he could just rub it on her pussy. Making her whimper and feeling her legs shaking; because the moment Jaehyun had decided to make his cock enter her pussy, was just her endgame. She could feel him so deep inside and oh so thick that she could swear she wouldn’t last long.

Too cockdrunk, she couldn’t even former a sentence out, she was just moaning and growling every time Jaehyun’s tip stroke so deliciously on her walls. Then, Jaheyun was leaning in and wrapping his lips on (Y/N) nipples.

“You’re perfect” Jaehyun said. “Not enough for you”

“Yes Jae. You’re enough for me” she replied. “You make me feel so good, so full” she moaned bucking her hips towards him.

That was enough to make him go wilder, thrusting so hard and fast that she was starting to feel reaching her climax. Her tits bouncing every time Jaehyun just pushed all the way out to her g spot.

“Fuck Yoonoh” she gasps. “You’re so deep.”

“You’re close, right angel?” he asks. “Just cum for me. You’re squeezing me so good, might just cum inside you.”

“Yes, Jae. Make a mess on me. Fill me up” He groaned and started to fuck her harder. “Don’t stop.” She asked again.

“That’s it baby, cum all over my cock.”

Just a little more of thrusts were enough to make her go all over the edge, squeezing Jaehyun so hard she only cummed once his tip reached once again her g spot. And a couple of more thrusts make him cum inside her as well.

He kissed her again. All over her face. All over her neck. He just wanted to feel her one more time. He just wanted to know that she was right there with him, she could just feel how Jaehyun was babbling some praises for her as he slides out of her entrances and dropped to her side, just to hold her closer to his body and be able to give her proper cuddles.

The room was bathed in shadows, with the streetlight casting faint lines through the curtains. Everything seemed frozen in time, except for the sound of their uneven breathing filling the space. Jaehyun held (Y/N)’s naked body from behind, while she gently massaged his arm wrapped around her waist. Unable to think any further, unable to face the boy… unable to forget.

“Do you know what’s the worst part of all this?” she suddenly spoke, breaking the silence. Her voice was soft, but heavy with a weight Jaehyun couldn’t ignore.

He slowly lifted his gaze, his dark eyes reflecting something between exhaustion and regret.

“What?”

(Y/N) turned towards him, and though she tried to stay strong, her eyes betrayed the pain she felt.

“That I always hope you’ll choose something different. That you’ll choose to stay. But every time I think you will, you show me the opposite… I know about the exchange.”

Jaehyun swallowed hard, diverting his gaze to the floor. His heart pounded, but his lips remained sealed.

She shifted in his arms, stopping in front of him. Her voice trembled, but she didn’t stop speaking.

“It was Lucas who told you about that, wasn’t it?”

“I can’t keep pretending this doesn’t affect me, Jaehyun. Watching you walk towards something I know could destroy you… it’s killing me. And I know it probably doesn’t matter to you, but I had to tell you.”

He raised his head, their eyes meeting for a moment. There was something broken in his gaze, something he rarely allowed to show.

“It’s not that I don’t care,” he murmured. “It’s just that there are things already out of my hands.”

(Y/N) stepped back, as if his words had pushed her away.

“That’s not true. You always have a choice, Jaehyun. Always. But it seems like I’m never part of it.”

The silence that followed was suffocating. She had hoped he would say something, anything, but he just stood there, motionless.

“If you decide to go through with this,” she said finally, her voice cracking, “you won’t see me again.”

Jaehyun looked at her, and for a moment, it seemed like he was going to say something, but he didn’t. His eyes begged her in a way his words couldn’t, but she had already made up her mind.

With a broken heart, (Y/N) took a step back toward the door. Each step was harder than the last, but she knew she couldn’t stay.

“Goodbye, Jaehyun,” she said before leaving, gently closing the door behind her.

The click of the lock echoed like a shadow in the empty room. Jaehyun remained seated, staring into the void, as if time had stopped. He didn’t know how much time had passed before he felt his chest tightening, and the feeling of loss hit him like an unstoppable wave.

Slowly, he brought his hands to his face, letting the tears he had held back for so long fall. It was a strange sight for someone like him, someone who always kept his composure, but that night, in the solitude of his room, Jaehyun allowed himself to break down.

Every word from (Y/N) echoed in his mind, over and over again, like a reminder of what he had just lost. He knew it was probably too late to fix it, but still, the thought of never seeing her again destroyed him more than he could have ever imagined.

As the streetlights continued to flicker on the other side of the window, Jaehyun remained there, facing the emptiness of his decision and the weight of his emotions.

Jaehyun needed clarity, and when confusion overwhelmed him, there was only one place that seemed to bring him some balance: that lookout on the outskirts of the city. From there, the city lights barely flickered like tiny artificial stars, while the sun slowly sank into the horizon, painting the sky with shades of fire and melancholy.

He collapsed onto the grass, resting his elbows on his knees and burying his face in his hands. The cold wind tousled his hair, but it couldn’t extinguish the burning heat of the thoughts tormenting him.

One problem after another, hasty decisions, and now, a countdown that seemed to suffocate him. There were only a few days left before the meeting, but with each passing hour, his resolve weakened.

He lifted his gaze to the sunset, searching for answers in the play of colors in the sky. There was always something in that place that reminded him of how insignificant he was, a speck of dust in an immense universe. And yet, in that moment, he felt that his decision could trigger an avalanche that would not only drag him down but also those he cared about.

One part of his mind tried to justify it: A quick exchange. No one would get hurt if everything went well. But the other part, the harder one to silence, whispered an uncomfortable truth: "Nothing is that simple. Once you cross that line, the responsibilities will only rise."

His phone vibrated in his pocket, pulling him out of his reverie. He didn’t need to look at the screen to know who the message was from; the intermediary never stopped reminding him of the details. Jaehyun squeezed the device in his hand, as if the simple act of holding it could give him an answer.

Was he doing it for money? Yes, in part. But above all, he was doing it because he felt he had no other choice. And that was the most painful part: the lack of control over his own life, the weight of a society pushing him to extremes. "If only it were different…" he thought, but didn’t finish the sentence. The words were lost in the air, just like his hope.

He sat on the grass, feeling the dampness of the ground seep through the fabric of his pants. With slow movements, he pulled out a crumpled cigarette from his pocket and lit it. The first drag was slow, almost ceremonial, as the smoke filled his lungs. When he exhaled, the nicotine-laden air formed a cloud that faded with the breeze. He closed his eyes, allowing the silence to envelop him, the kind of stillness only found away from the chaos of the city. For a moment, the world stopped being a complicated place.

Then, a voice broke the calm:

“Jung Jaehyun.”

The sound of his name was unexpected enough to make him open his eyes abruptly. He looked toward the source of the call, and as he recognized the familiar figure, he couldn’t help but let out a sigh, followed by a crooked smile. It almost felt like a joke from fate.

“I don’t have anything on me,” he said, raising his hands with feigned innocence, leaving the cigarette dangling carelessly from his lips. “This is tobacco, Officer Baekhyun.”

The man in front of him raised an eyebrow, a slight smile tugging at the corner of his lips. His uniform was disheveled, as if he’d had a long day, and the way he scratched the back of his neck suggested he wasn’t there on official business. Without replying, Baekhyun sat down next to Jaehyun, letting out a sigh as he turned his attention to the horizon, painted in warm tones.

“I’m not here to take you to the station,” he assured with a calm voice, laden with sincerity that contrasted with his position as authority.

Their relationship couldn’t be described as simple. On more than one occasion, Jaehyun had faced Baekhyun under less friendly circumstances. Being part of Neo Zone had placed him on the officer’s radar, and though most interactions ended with Jaehyun sitting in a cold interrogation room, there was something about Baekhyun that set him apart from other cops. It wasn’t his tolerance, but the way he seemed to see beyond the criminal record.

“Got an extra one?” asked the officer, gesturing casually at the cigarette.

Jaehyun looked at him with a mix of disbelief and amusement. The irony was almost delicious. Without saying a word, he pulled another cigarette from his pocket and handed it over. Baekhyun took it, lighting it with a silver lighter he pulled from his jacket. The first drag was brief, but enough for the officer to release a sigh accompanied by a cloud of smoke.

Jaehyun glanced at him out of the corner of his eye, trying to decipher the intentions behind this unexpected visit. There was something in Baekhyun’s relaxed posture that unsettled him. It was strange to share a moment of calm with someone who, technically, should be his enemy. And yet, there they were, sitting side by side, as if the weight of their respective worlds could be suspended for a few minutes.

The wind carried the scent of tobacco into the cool afternoon air, and for a moment, neither of them spoke. They just watched the sunset, as if in that fleeting spectacle they could find the answers they both seemed to be searching for in silence.

Jaehyun glanced sideways at Officer Baekhyun as he exhaled the smoke calmly, as if they weren’t two men on opposite sides of the law sharing a casual moment. The contrast between them had always struck him as odd; Baekhyun had this mix of relaxed authority and curiosity that made him difficult to read. He wasn’t an ordinary cop, and maybe that’s why Jaehyun had never been able to decide if he should respect him, distrust him, or both.

“And what brings you here, officer?” Jaehyun asked, feigning disinterest while toying with the cigarette between his fingers. The usual tension in his tone was absent, replaced by a kind of calm resignation. After all, if Baekhyun had come to arrest him, he’d already be handcuffed.

Baekhyun didn’t answer right away. Instead, he looked at the horizon, where the last traces of light were fading into shades of purple and gray. Finally, after another drag, he spoke.

“You know, this place has something, don’t you think? It’s like time stops here, even if just for a moment.”

Jaehyun frowned. Baekhyun wasn’t one for beating around the bush. “Are you here to philosophize with me, or do you have something to tell me?”

The officer let out a soft laugh, shaking his head as though trying to ease the tension in the conversation. But his gaze remained sharp.

“Straight to the point, as always. Alright, Jaehyun.” He turned his head to face him, and his expression grew more serious, as if each word he was about to say carried more weight than he cared to admit. “I want to negotiate with you.”

Jaehyun’s body tensed almost immediately, an instinctive reaction. In his world, negotiations didn’t usually end well for anyone. But, as always, his face remained expressionless. He took another drag of the cigarette, holding the smoke in his lungs a few seconds longer than necessary before exhaling slowly. “I don’t think it’s very ethical of you, officer,” he replied with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes.

The response didn’t seem to surprise Baekhyun. “I know about the exchange.”

Jaehyun’s face immediately changed. The small smile on his lips vanished in an instant. He swallowed but tried to maintain his composure. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said firmly, though the slight tremor in his hands betrayed his attempt to appear indifferent.

Baekhyun brought the cigarette to his lips and took a drag before continuing, his tone calm, almost casual, as if he were talking about the weather. “When I took the position of chief of police, I promised myself one thing: to end Neo Zone. I’ve been following your steps, Jaehyun. You’re an important thread in this case.”

Jaehyun scoffed, a weak attempt to appear unconcerned. “And what do I do with this information?” he asked, turning to look at the officer with an arched eyebrow. “I don’t think it’s very wise of you to come all the way out here and tell someone from Neo Zone that you’re planning something against them.”

The officer let out a long sigh, a sound full of exhaustion and frustration. For a moment, he seemed to hesitate, as if the words he needed to say were too difficult to pronounce. Finally, he spoke, his voice lower, almost vulnerable. “Because I don’t want to see you sink further, Jaehyun. I’m serious.”

Jaehyun turned toward him with a look of disbelief. That answer wasn’t what he expected. “What the hell are you saying? Why do you care what I do or don’t do?”

Baekhyun shrugged, looking back at the horizon where the sun was beginning to set. “Because I know you’re not like the others. There’s something in you, Jaehyun. Something you haven’t destroyed yet. And believe me, I’ve seen enough people cross that line to know that once you do, there’s no turning back.”

Jaehyun clenched his jaw, a mix of frustration and something else he couldn’t identify burning in his chest. He was tired of hearing that same story. “You have potential, Jaehyun.” “You can be better than this.” Baekhyun’s words weren’t new, but they came with a different weight, a sincerity that unsettled him.

“And what’s the deal supposed to be?” he asked finally, his tone heavy with disdain.

Baekhyun nodded, as though he’d been expecting that question. “We found out about the exchange almost by accident. But when we knew enough, everything pointed to you. We know you’re part of the team that’s going to carry it out. I can offer you entry into the witness protection program if you decide to cooperate with us.”

Jaehyun let the words settle in his mind for a moment. Then, he slowly shook his head. “You want me to be a rat in my own gang?” he asked with a dry, bitter laugh.

Baekhyun held his gaze and nodded. “With all due respect, officer,” Jaehyun continued, leaning forward with a sarcastic expression, “But you’re crazy. What do you think would happen if they found out I was the one who ratted them out? It wouldn’t just be my head, it would be my life, my family. A bullet to the head would be the kindest thing they could do to me for being a snitch.”

“That’s why I can offer you protection,” Baekhyun insisted, his tone firmer now. “I’ve worked on this case for years, doing everything I can to make this program exist. The state can guarantee your safety and your family's if you cooperate.”

“My safety?” Jaehyun let out a hollow laugh, shaking his head. “I don’t need protection for myself. I need it for my family. I’m doing this for them, you understand? Not for me.”

Baekhyun looked at him with an intensity that Jaehyun couldn’t quite interpret. “Your family would be protected too. While you’re in the program, they will be a priority. And yes, you’ve made legal mistakes. But if you cooperate fully and give us the information we need to close this case, the judge may consider granting you clemency. You could start fresh. You wouldn’t face legal consequences.”

The words hung heavily in the air. Jaehyun lowered his gaze, his thoughts a chaotic mess. It was an enticing offer, but he couldn’t ignore the fear, the certainty that taking that path would mean losing everything he knew.

Jaehyun’s cigarette was burning slowly between his fingers, completely forgotten as Baekhyun’s words echoed in his head. The idea of betraying Neo Zone, of becoming a “protected informant,” seemed not only insane but suicidal.

“Are you kidding me?” Jaehyun murmured, more to himself than to the officer. He raised his eyes to Baekhyun, hoping to find some sign that this was some sort of trick, but the officer’s gaze was serious, almost… sincere.

“I know it sounds crazy,” Baekhyun replied, stamping his cigarette out on the ground with a measured motion. “But think of it as an opportunity. Not just for you, but for the people you love.”

That sentence hit a nerve. Jaehyun’s jaw tightened, and he turned his gaze toward the horizon, where the sun had already disappeared, leaving a gray-tinged sky. His family… (Y/N)… Years had passed, and excuses had become easier, but the truth was simple: he had entered this world to protect them, even if the price was carrying the weight of his own decisions. “It’s easy for you to say,” he finally replied, his voice low but full of bitterness. “You have a job, a uniform, a life that doesn’t depend on looking over your shoulder. But me… I don’t have that option. I haven’t had it for years.”

Baekhyun listened in silence, with a patience that irritated Jaehyun. Why did he care so much? What did he see in him that others didn’t? “And what if I told you that you could have it now?” the officer pressed. “You and your family. A life away from this. Away from Neo Zone.”

Jaehyun let out a dry, bitter laugh, shaking his head. “And then what? Do I hide for the rest of my life? Living in fear that someone will find out where I am? Because believe me, officer, those people don’t forget. You can lock up one, two, or ten of them, but there’s always more. And when they find out I’m the one who spoke…” He paused, bringing his fingers to his temples as if trying to calm the chaos in his mind. “I don’t even want to imagine what they’d do.”

Baekhyun slightly tilted his head, his eyes fixed on Jaehyun. There was something in his expression, a type of understanding that didn’t quite fit his role as a police officer.

“Jaehyun,” he said quietly, as if the name carried a special weight. “I know you’re scared. And I understand. But I also know you’re not like them. You have something to fight for. Something that’s worth more than any false loyalty you think you have to Neo Zone.”

“False?” Jaehyun let out an incredulous laugh. “What makes you think I can trust you, when you’re just another cop playing hero?” The sincerity in Baekhyun’s eyes didn’t waver. “Because I’m not a hero. And I don’t want you to end up as just another statistic.”

Jaehyun didn’t answer immediately. The wind was blowing strongly now, taking the warmth from the night that loomed over them. In his mind, the officer’s words mixed with memories of everything he had done to survive, to keep his family safe, even when it meant getting his hands dirty.

“If I accept this…” he began, his voice trembling for the first time. “If I trust you, how do I know it won’t go wrong? How do I know I won’t lose everything anyway?”

“Because you’ll be in control for the first time in a long time,” Baekhyun replied firmly. “You can stay where you are and let Neo Zone dictate every decision you make, or you can start building something different. Something that’s yours.”

Silence settled between them again. Jaehyun looked at the cigarette in his hand, now reduced to a filter that barely served any purpose. He stamped it out on the ground, wondering if Baekhyun was right, if he really could change his fate.

“This isn’t an easy decision,” he murmured finally. “I can’t promise anything.”

“I don’t expect you to do it today,” Baekhyun replied. “But time is running out, Jaehyun. And when the time comes, I want you to remember that there’s another way out.”

The officer stood up, brushing off his pants before turning toward him. Jaehyun didn’t stop him, and Baekhyun didn’t look back as he walked away. But the words remained, lodged like a weight in Jaehyun’s chest, still sitting under the cold night breeze, trying to decipher the right line to cross.

“If you decide to accept, you know where to find me… and if you decide not to, this conversation will stay between us.”

a/n:NOT PROOFEAD! So yes, it was way easier to write now that my laptop is working again TT, also this week was my bday yayyy! I hope you liked this chapter, i would really love if you could gave sum feedback! (specially since english is not my first language, so it makes it a little harder to write) I was just want to clarify that the informant protection program does exist and yup, people with illegal backgrounds can be part of it and almost get a plea if they colaborate enough.

taglist is open! if you want to be added just lemme know;)

taglist: @spicyryujin @daegalismybiasinnct @peachfulnight @gojoscumslut @bluedbliss @dear-97 @girlwholovespreppyattire @hana-off-icial @cigarettesafterjae @beomgyusonlywife @bts-iris @dojaejung @methneo @kriizztin @mrsuhnshine @pieddpiperr @completelyjae (idk why some of the tags just don’t work out!)

Feel free to send any asks here if you want!

[lightdancingwords]

Come Find Me - Part Seven

Pairing: Beau Arlen x F. Reader

Series Summary: You are a new arrival to Big Sky, Montana, and found gainful employment with the local insurance department next door to the sheriff’s department. A whole new life with your past haunting you, while Beau is still dealing with the entanglements with his ex-wife. Can either of you succeed in overcoming your ghosts?

Word Count: 5,052

Tags/Warnings: SO MUCH FLUFF, mentions domestic violence/intimate partner violence, mentions police work, a little bit of angst, communication problems, profanity

A/N: Comments, Likes, Reblogs, Kind feedback are always highly appreciated. Please let me know if you want to be added to the tag list! Please see this post regarding future story posts.

Divider: credit to @tsunami-of-tears

Chapter Seven: Aftermath

In the weeks that followed, you went through the motions. You got up, went to work, had a quiet lunch with Doris, then went home. After Mark’s death, Beau decided it was safe for you to go back to the rental home. Though honestly, after everything, you knew you wanted to move. The sacred safety of your rental home had been violated. It would never be restored.

Your landlord was thankfully understanding. Even better, they had another property that they were willing to transfer the lease to, and cooperated in arranging the move.

You stayed busy. You finally took the self-defense classes with Jenny. You went to therapy. You did all the official meetings that a victim of a crime was required to do.

Just endless motion. You knew you were feeling the shock, the trauma. There were moments when the feelings came and you thought you’d never be able to stop crying. The memory of the gun, of seeing Mark killed in front of you, it was all so terrible.

What made it worse was that Beau had seemingly distanced himself. He did his job, took the reports, ensured you were safe in your home and then he… just… left. It hurt. Every time he looked at you, it was though you were a stranger.

For whatever reason, you didn’t tell Doris. Or ask her. You kept it to yourself. You didn’t even text him… and Beau never reached out to you.

When the first snow hit, it had been a Saturday. You saw the flurries come down through your kitchen window and found yourself longing for peace and solitude. For the snow to cover you so you could be pure and pristine again. Innocent. Without the taint of abuse. Without the stain of seeing a man killed in front of you.

The memory of that, the flashback, had you dropping dishes in the sink. The sound of the gunshot. The sight of Mark’s head exploding—

You collapsed into yourself and sank to the floor, hands sopping wet. You hated this. You hated the tears that came. You couldn’t decide if you were relieved he was dead or grief-stricken. Or both.

The sobs that caught at your throat were the worse. You’d struggle to breathe and remember the feel of his hand at your throat. God. The bruises were healing, but the memories were forever.

Your new therapist was absolutely understanding. They heard you out, provided a huge box of tissue, and never judged you for your conflicting emotions.

The only advice they could give you was the most profound: “You have to understand, Y/N, it’s not my place nor anyone’s place to tell you what you’re feeling is right or wrong. They’re your feelings. You have to be absolutely free to feel them all. It’s going to take time for you to decide what you feel about it all. And whatever you feel is yours and yours alone.”

While that helped with the mess with Mark, you still didn’t know what to do about Beau. His sudden withdrawal hurt. You missed the way he called you “darlin’”. You missed his accent. You missed his scent. You missed him.

As you sat there on your kitchen floor, the tears finally stopping, it occurred to you that instead of just waiting for Beau to come to you… maybe you should go to him. Because by God, you were never going to know unless you did something.

You stood up, dusted off your behind, and decided to do something for once in your life. You grabbed your car keys and headed out to Beau’s trailer.

Just as you arrived to the trailer, Beau came out, puzzled. “Y/N?”

That he didn’t use the endearment hurt. “I want to know why,” you said, closing the driver’s door as you got out of your car.

His head pulled back, confused. His breath wafted in the air. “Why what?”

“Why have you been avoiding me? Ever since Mark… you haven’t looked at me. You haven’t talked to me. My God, Beau, you… you’re like a stranger now.”

“I haven’t—”

“Bullshit,” you snapped heatedly, storming up to him. “It’s been weeks, Beau, and you keep acting like I’m some stranger!”

Beau’s jaw clenched and let out a huff of air through his nose. “I thought… to give you some space.”

“A few days makes sense, but weeks?! I felt like a goddamned pariah, Beau!” You hated how your voice cracked, but the pain was too obvious now. He still couldn’t look at you….

“Well, hell, I just—” He cut himself off, raking his fingers through his hair. “I thought you didn’t want to see me.”

“What?” You breathed the one worded question with absolute disbelief.

“I killed a man, Y/N.” The flurries dusted his hair, like diamonds on a beach. “I don’t regret it one bit, not since it meant I saved you. But you saw it… and that changes people.”

You stared at him, dumbfounded. “Did… did you think I wouldn’t be able to look at you after that?”

He nodded, swallowed so hard his Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat.

“Oh my God, Beau…” You felt tears well up in your eyes, emotions thickening your voice. “You’re the one I’d always want to see. W-when I look at you, I don’t see Mark. I see you.”

”Darlin’—”

“Say that again.” Your heart soared at hearing that endearment. It meant everything to you to hear it just now and you so desperately wanted him to say it again.

He finally looked at you, really looked at you. “Darlin’,” he repeated, this time slower, more meaningful.

“You have no idea how much I miss hearing you say that,” you said, and quickly wiped away a tear with a shaky hand.

Much to your surprise, he closed the distance between you. Gently, he laid his hands on your shoulders. “It’s been killin’ me for weeks to not be able to say it,” he confessed in a soft voice.

“Were you really pulling away because you thought I wouldn’t be able to look at you?” you asked, amazed by that thought.

“Yeah,” he murmured, brushing a snow flurry out of your hair. “I didn’t want to make it worse for ya, darlin’. After all… I failed ya.”

“You what?” Startled, you framed his face with your hands. “Beau, you did not fail me. You saved me. You… God, you rescued me. Mark had every intention of killing me and you stopped him. All I had were some scrapes and bruises. I’m alive because of you.”

Beau met and held your gaze. His eyes were so inscrutable, so dark in that moment. You had no idea what he was thinking or feeling. Only that he stood there in silence, your hands cupping his face.

“You’re too good to me, darlin’,” he said at last. “I’m not sure I can look at it that way.”

“How do you look at it?”

Very slowly, he ran his hands up your arms, never once pulling out of your gentle touch. “I couldn’t find him before he kidnapped ya. I can’t find your missin’ photos. And I couldn’t stop him from taking you away.”

“And you found me,” you said insistently. “You followed me and saved me. You didn’t fail me, Beau.”

“Darlin’, I—”

“No, let me finish. Please.” Beau fell silent and you continued. “The whole time he had me, I kept praying for you to find me. To save my life. And by God, you did, like a—a cowboy in shining hat.”

He quirked a smile at the description.

“You found me, Beau. I would never avoid you. H-how can I?” In that moment, you decided to take the giant step you’d been waiting for. “I’m… I have feelings for you. If I avoid you, I’ll never know what they’ll turn out to be.”

His gaze flickered up to you, surprise flitting across his face. Then his expression softened and an intensity grew in his green-eyed gaze. Tenderly, he covered your hands on his face and squeezed them.

“Darlin’… God. I’m rock headed and mule stubborn. Ya don’t wanna be with me.”

You quirked a smile as he used a similar description that Carla—via Emily—had used to describe him. “I don’t know about that… I kind of like being around you.”

His smile flashed to life and you felt your heart swell as the warmth bloomed in his gaze. “I feel like I should be askin’ ya on a date.”

Playfully, you lifted your brows at him and said, “I’m waiting.”

He grinned, squeezed your hands and brought them down off his face down to be held between the two of you. “How does dinner sound? We do it right—proper restaurant, music, the whole nine yards.”

“That’s how you ask a woman on a date, Beau? God, no wonder you’ve been single this long,” you said, teasing.

He laughed. “Nah, darlin’… just needed the right woman.”

Your heart skipped a beat, then took off racing when he continued.

“I think I found her,” he added, reaching up to caress your cheek. “Let me take you out to dinner, Y/N.”

“I’d love to,” you breathed, your voice stolen away by this man, this Texan.

“Good. Meet you tonight? Say 6 o’clock?”

You nodded. “D-do I meet you there?” Your voice shook with your pulse. He had set it off running and you didn’t think it would ever settle again.

He pulled a pained expression. “Christ, darlin’, are you trying to make me look bad?”

You had to laugh. “What? Why? What’d I do?”

“You insulted me,” he said dramatically, clutching at his chest. “A proper gentleman picks his date up from her home and brings her back.”

You knew you shouldn’t, but God, bantering like this with Beau brightened your heart. “Oh. A proper gentleman? Do you see one around here? I mean…”

“Oh, now ya’ve done it,” he said with a laugh and scooped you into his arms. You yelped clutching onto him, his move unexpected.

“What are you doing?” you demanded, breathless with laughter and surprise.

He bounced you in his arms and it was all you could do to hold on. “Showin’ ya I’m a gentleman.”

“By carting me around in your arms?” You looked at Beau and couldn’t stop smiling. To be this close to him after weeks of so little with him…. To have that whiff of earth and musk and whatever it was that made him him. To hear his voice. To just be with him.

“Yep.” He grinned at you, his eyes sparkling. He began doing a stroll around his yard with you in his arms, carried princess style.

“That’s your idea of being a gentleman?” The laughter bubbled up in your throat. He was being impossible. Hilariously, adorably impossible.

“Yep.”

“You going to say anything besides ‘yep’?” you asked playfully.

“Yep.”

You laughed again, your arm around his neck. You needed this. God, you really did. Something so absurd, so ridiculous and playful. You hadn’t realized you said it out loud when Beau slanted a look at you, the humor fading from his expression.

“God, darlin’, I’m s—”

“So help me, Beau, you apologize, and I’ll find a way to take you over my knee and spank you,” you said, surprised at the vehemence you felt and heard in your voice.

He stopped and stared at you, clearly taken aback by the way you responded. Then, slowly, he quirked a grin and said, “You promise?”

You tried to maintain a stern expression. You really did. The way he grinned at you made a giggle bubble up your throat and you gave in, laughing once more. “You’re impossible, you know that? God,” you said with a breathy sigh. “I’m really glad I came to Big Sky.”

“Me too, darlin’,” he said as he finally set you back down on your feet. “My life might’ve been more borin’, but my heart would’ve been empty.”

Your breath caught and your heart skipped a beat. In the weeks you’d come to Big Sky and met Beau Arlen, you were constantly doubting yourself, wondered if you imagined the chemistry between the two of you. That Beau plainly and clearly stated that his life would’ve been empty without you…. “Oh damn it, that was perfect,” you managed, your heart swelling with emotion.

He half-smiled. “It’d been years since my last perfect line. I figured I was due.”

You chuckled, breathy and tinged with tears. “That was a good one.”

“Good enough to make ya cry,” he murmured, gently tilting your chin up. He studied your face in wonder. “I didn’t mean to make ya cry, darlin’.”

“It’s not you,” you assured him, sniffling. “I’d never—”

“You never had a man talk to you before like that, huh?” His interruption was gentle, thoughtful. You couldn’t help the tear that fell down your cheek. He saw it and tenderly brushed his thumb over your cheek, wiping it away.

“No,” you admitted. That particular knowledge stung. You hated that your romantic history was rife with issues, with bad men. Oh, they said the pretty words, but the moment they had you in their romantic trap, that all went away. You had the impression Beau meant every word and would never change that.

“I promise ya, darlin’,” he said softly, “I’m gonna keep doin’ it until you beg me to stop.”

“Let’s get the date first before you start making sweet promises,” you said with a slow smile.

“We could count this as a date?” he suggested, and there was something in his tone that had you thinking he meant it all as a joke, a playful tease.

“No!” You laughed and he grinned, confirming your suspicion. “You promised the whole nine yards, Beau Arlen. I expect it all.”

He checked his watch and his brows lifted. “Given the hour, darlin’, I’d say you best get goin’ so you can dress up.”

Your own brows raised as well. “Dress up?”

“Yep.” He smiled, a touch smug. “I intend to go all fancy, darlin’.”

Beau.

In a tux.

In that moment, it was all you could do not to swoon then and there. God, did that man know what kind of an effect he had on you?

“Then I expect you at my house at 6 sharp, Mr. Arlen,” you said, your smile and tone flirtatious.

“That’s a promise, darlin’.”

—

The sight of Beau Arlen in a tux was one you’d never forget. He was tall—absurdly, Doris’s statement that he was bony came to mind and nearly wrecked your composure—and the tuxedo was definitely one specially made as it did everything to emphasize his lean stature. He was strikingly handsome, as usual, but this time, he had his hair combed back and styled. His beard—oh my God, he actually neatened up his beard.

The double-take Beau did of you reassured you that, despite the last minute attempt to find something remotely suitable for a fancy restaurant, you succeeded. You went classic—Little Black Dress, with a thin white cardigan and a lovely little clutch.

“I’d ask if you’d be cold in that little coat of yours, darlin’, but I’m feelin’ a bit hot under the collar myself,” he drawled.

You chuckled, did a little spin in the entryway of your rental house. “I pass, then? Especially given your very last-minute date.”

“Oh, you definitely pass,” he said with an appreciative look. You felt his gaze scan over you, and your body warmed under such intense scrutiny. “And it wasn’t last minute.”

“Excuse me? You asked me out just a few hours ago!”

He smiled. “I made the reservation a week after the first time you slept over.”

You felt your heart stutter and you froze momentarily. “You… Beau, that was weeks ago. How could you have known I’d say yes?”

Gently, he took your hand in his, intertwined your fingers. “I took a chance, darlin’. I’m kickin’ myself for waitin’ this long, and I apologize for that, but the look of you that mornin’….” Absurdly, you remembered the way he slanted a look at you. “You were beautiful. All sleep-mussed, the sun lighting you up.”

“Beau…” You breathed his name like a benediction. He drew closer, close enough for you to get whiff of his cologne, subtle and sweet.

“I’m sorry I waited ‘til you came over and told me what for, darlin’.” His green eyes met yours and your heart somersaulted. “If you can find it in your heart to forgive me, I’d like to wine and dine you as I always wanted to.”

“When you put it that way, Mr. Arlen,” you said with a slow, sweet smile, “how can I say ‘no’?”

“Good. Let me get you in the truck before ya freeze to death.” As he escorted and assisted you into the truck, he paused and blatantly looked over your legs. “By the way… darlin’? You got some damned killer legs.”

You laughed, your cheeks heating up. “Beau!”

—

He took you to Big Sky’s sole fine dining, a delicious Italian restaurant amusingly called Ciao Bella. You stared at the name of the restaurant and turned a baffled look on Beau. He grinned in amusement. “Don’t ask, darlin’. You work at The Big Guy. You really wanna judge?”

You laughed and conceded he had a point.

Beau definitely did everything he could to make the experience a beautiful one. He escorted you to the table, held out the chair for you. He asked the waiter for a recommendation for the entree, one that you ended up picking, and went all out in ensuring the white wine paired with it was to your liking. Once the server received the orders and left, his focus on you had you feeling as though you were dining at home, not in an exquisite restaurant.

“How do you do that?” you asked, amazed.

“Do what, darlin’?”

“Make me feel like I’m the only one here. The only one who has your attention.”

“Because you do and you are,” he said, leaning forward to take your hand in his.

“Another perfect line. You’re on a roll, Arlen,” you teased, softening at the way his thumb caressed the back of your hand.

“Yeah? Two in a day? Damn. I’d say I should buy a lottery ticket after this…” He brought your hand up to his lips and lightly kissed your knuckles. “But I already won.”

Your breath caught at the sweet gesture. “That’s three,” you said in a low, soft voice.

He winked. “I know.”

“You weren’t kidding about wining and dining me, Mr. Arlen,” you mused, amazed at your luck. What had started as a difficult day was ending on such a glorious note, you never wanted it to end. Who knew finding your voice at last would lead to a date with Beau at Big Sky’s fanciest restaurant?

“I’m only just gettin’ started.”

Your smile was warm, a touch playful. “You’re setting a high bar for future dates.”

“You think it’ll happen?”

“What? A second date?” He nodded and you pretended to think about it, long enough for him to do a warning of “Darlin’”. “Yes. A second date. Quite possibly earned a third with this wine. It’s delicious. How on earth did you ever learn about wine?”

“Don’t look so shocked, darlin’,” he said in amusement. “I know stuff.”

“Says the man who said ‘stuff’ in the most exaggerated Texan drawl I’ve ever heard,” you said, your voice bubbling with laughter.

He grinned. “I get what you mean, darlin’. For me, the best date would be a beer around my campfire.”

You paused, then asked carefully, “The night I came over… was that—”

“A date?” You nodded, not minding the interruption. He swirled the white wine in his glass, thoughtful. “I wanted it to be.”

“Beau…”

“The only reason it wasn’t, darlin’, was because you needed a friend that night more than you needed a boyfriend,” he said gently.

“What if I wanted it to be?” He lifted his brows questioningly. “What if… I want that to be our first date? And this… our second?”

He smiled slowly. “I’d say I’m a damned lucky man to get two dates with you.”

“You keep swearing,” you teased.

“Don’t tell Emily.”

You laughed, low and soft. His grin widened. You loved that you could go back to old conversations, bring them forward in beautiful reminders. Much like the threat to spank one another, though God, you never knew such a joke would become regular thing between the two of you.

The entree, spinach and ricotta gnudi with tomato-butter sauce, was so delicious, rich in flavor. You ended up letting Beau have a few forkfuls while you stole some of his braised chicken all'arrabbiata, which turned out to be spicier than you expected.

“Beau, this was delicious,” you said as you dabbed your lips.

“You’ve got to stop sounding so surprised, darlin’,” he said with a laugh, leaning back in his seat. “I know I sound like some redneck hick, but I’m a learned man. You keep this up, I’m gonna start gettin’ offended.”

“It’s not your accent,” you said with a defensive laugh.

“Then what?” He leaned forward, caught your gaze and held it. “What is it about me that keeps surprisin’ you?”

You were quiet for a moment. “Because I haven’t had anything this nice in years,” you finally admitted in a low voice.

He gave a start. He’d forgotten. You could tell, by the way he reacted. Beau had forgotten, and you weren’t sure if you should be relieved or worried. Relieved, because you didn’t want to be handled with kid gloves. Worried, because he also had to remember that certain topics, certain discussions, could be potentially upsetting.

“Do you mind, darlin’, if I ask?” he ventured carefully.

You knew what he wanted to ask and shook your head. “Go ahead.”

“When was the last time M—your ex took you somewhere nicer than an Olive Garden?”

You thought on that for a long moment as you took a sip of the white wine. It really was a delicious choice. You found yourself itching to find out what kind of white wine it was… and how much it cost. Then you realized you were distracting yourself from the unpleasant memory and changed mental course.

“My birthday,” you finally answered. “It was my first birthday while we were dating, and he—” you decided you weren’t going to use your ex-boyfriend’s name— “decided to take me to this rather nice French restaurant. He butchered every pronunciation in the book, but claimed he was just trying to impress me.”

“How long was that?”

You frowned in thought. “Five… maybe six years ago?”

His brows drew together. “Darlin’… I’m not a rich man—”

“I never asked—”

He shook his head and continued despite your attempt to defend yourself. “I’m not a rich man,” he said firmly, “but if I were, darlin’, I’d take you here every night. Hell, every day if I could.”

You sat on that for a moment, and couldn’t suss out what he truly meant behind that. “I’m not sure how I should take that.”

“Then I’ll be honest. It’s real crappy your ex didn’t spoil you. You deserve to be spoiled. You deserve all the good things in the world.”

You quirked a brow at him. “Do you think I’m that… greedy? O-or a gold digger?”

“What? Oh shit. No, darlin’.” He rubbed his forehead. “God. See? Three perfect lines and there goes my damned luck.”

You managed a faint smile, though you were still well and thoroughly confused by what Beau was trying to say.

“I’m not sayin’ you’re a gold digger, darlin’. I’m just sayin’…” He took a breath, and you could almost see him reorganize his thoughts. “I’m sayin’ you should’ve been treated better. I know I made it sound like you should get fancy restaurants and expensive wine. I only meant… you deserved better. Kind gestures should be a part of the norm, not nice surprises.”

You tilted your head as you weighed everything you knew of Beau against one horribly made declaration. Beau seemed to know he went off on an awful take, one that slandered your character, and was trying hard to make amends.

“‘Kind gestures should be a part of the norm, not nice surprises’. I think you got your fourth perfect line,” you said at last with a gentle smile.

“I was sweatin’ bullets there, darlin’,” he said with a huff. “Am I soaked? I feel like I should be soaked.”

You couldn’t help it, you laughed. Beau smiled and reached over to take your hand in his. “I wasn’t tryin’ to imply you’re a gold digger, darlin’,” he added. “Just that… I may not be a rich man in the bank, but by God, you make me feel wealthy.”

“Oh, that’s a good one.”

“Yeah? You think it makes number five?”

“You’re definitely on a roll there, Beau,” you said with a warm smile.

“Don’t tempt me, darlin’,” he said, his voice taking on a husky tinge. You felt a thrill down your spine, and sensed he meant more than just perfect lines.

“How do you mean?” You decided to press, wanting to know what he was thinking.

He glanced down at your joined hands on the table, at the gentle way he kept rubbing his thumb against the back of your hand. “Darlin’… there’s a part of me that really wants to take you to my home and have my way with you.”

Your heart stopped, then thudded painfully against your chest. You couldn’t tell if it was out of fear or out of desire, out of hearing him voice that wish of his.

“And that’s the reason why I won’t,” he said with a nod to you. “That look that just passed over your eyes.”

“Beau, I—I—”

“Don’t, darlin’. I ain’t offended. You’re not ready. I can wait.”

You sat there for a long, quiet moment as you took all that in. How rare a man was he that he’d wait until you were ready for him to take you to bed? Especially one who saved your life, one who knew a portion of the darkness you’d been through?

“It’s…”

“Darlin’, you don’t have to explain.”

“I feel I need to. Because part of it is such a stupid, vain reason.”

He narrowed his eyes at you. You had suspicion he knew exactly what you were going to say and was mildly offended already. Before you could continue, he spoke up. “Do you know what goes into a file, darlin’? It’s not just written complaints, documentation of calls and meetings. When it comes to acts of violence, we need to see photographs. Sometimes videos. Audio recordings.”

You froze, your breath hitching. You actually heard a small simmering of anger in his voice, and almost cringed in your seat. You definitely offended him and instantly regretted your statement of vanity. God, why did you have to be so stupid?

His gaze searched your face and he shook his head. “I ain’t mad at you, darlin’,” he said, and you wondered if he read your mind. “I’m mad at him. He got ya to think that I’d care you have a scar. That I’d want you to have some model perfect body to be worthy of me.”

“So you…” He said photographs. Dimly, you recalled your stay at the hospital, how they had some officers come over and ask to take photographs of your lower abdomen for evidence. You’d forgotten. “Oh my God. So you know.”

“Not everythin’, darlin’, but that one, yeah, I do.”

“A-and you don’t… it doesn’t bother you?”

“Why would it, darlin’?” He seemed honestly puzzled. “It’s a scar. It’s a badge of honor for ya. You survived that sick son of a bitch, and not only that, ya fought back.”

“Do… do you have any scars?”

He flashed a grin at you, designed to soften the intense moment. “I’d be glad to show it to you sometime.”

Absurdly, you blushed as you laughed. “If it’s on your rear—”

“Nope.” He smirked and winked at you. “Wrong side.”

“Beau!”

The night was winding down when he escorted you back home, to your front door. Sometime during the dinner, the snow came back in force. Beau’s truck thankfully handled it and he was able to pull up as close as he could to the front door.

“So much for dancin’,” he said ruefully.

“Where did you have in mind?” you asked as he walked you the last few steps.

“Right here. Maybe some nice oldie playin’ on the radio.”

You smiled. “That sounds very romantic. I expect you to follow through when it’s springtime, Mr. Arlen.”

“Since when did ya start and keep callin’ me that anyway?” he asked, lightly brushing back a strand of your hair.

“I was kind of copying Pride and Prejudice,” you said, lightly teasing him.

He smiled. “Am I Mr. Darcy then?”

“I’d say ‘yes’, but there’s one small problem.”

“What’s that?” He drew closer to you, so close you could feel his breath dance over your lips.

“They don’t kiss in Pride and Prejudice,” you murmured, your gaze flickering from his green eyes to his lips.

“Guess we’ll rewrite the book,” he whispered, and brought his lips to yours, capturing you in a sweet, tender kiss. He lingered in the embrace, slipping his arms around your waist and pulled you closer. You let out a soft sigh, and he deepened it, a slow heat that spread throughout your body. You no longer felt the snow, the chill. All you felt was him.

When he slowly broke the kiss, you felt dazed. He brushed back your hair again, his gaze deep and dark. “Have a good night, darlin’,” he whispered.

“You too, Beau.”

He waited until you were safe inside before he headed back to his truck. When he pulled away, you realized that, yes, this was definitely not going to be the only date you ever have with him.

Tag List: @spxideyver @deadlymistletoe @bitchykittenconnoisseur @aarpfashionvictim

[fefairys]

"Basically, [Dave's] childhood training-trauma results in aversion to violence that fuels his "resistance to the call" feelings. Resistance to the call is a common step in the hero's journey. What's probably less common is the resistance being due to abusive conditioning from the training for that (supposed) journey. Usually in such arcs, the hero resists but then stops resisting in some triumphant moment, overcoming the inner obstacle that caused the resistance. But with Dave, it doesn't quite pan out that way. There isn't this moment where he says "SCREW my abusive past, I need to MAN UP and KILL LORD ENGLISH!" The resolution progresses through a more psychological manner than that. It's similar to the structure of Rose's arc in that way. Both characters know there's this thing they should be doing, as informed by their understanding of how heroic narratives work, so they feel some guilt and struggle with their reluctance or inability to rise to the challenges of the regimented journey of personal growth. The resolution isn't about finding the inner grit to complete their plainly evident arcs by rote (which would therefore validate certain things about them, such as, if Dave fully embraced his destiny as a warrior, maybe that just vindicates Bro's methods?). It's more about finding release from the psychological burden of these narrative-mandated pressures and becoming more complete not as a warrior or a hero, but as a person. Someone who can make peace with their flaws, forgive themselves and others, and move forward in life with a greater understanding of themselves and a better adjusted sense of priorities." -Andrew Hussie

[fanmoose12]

Won't Hange develop like a PSTD from fire

Promote: post war levihan × this

Hange is scared of fire.

Levi knows it. Understands it. He'd too be afraid of it had he been what Hange had been through. And he tries to help them with it - in what little ways he can.

He makes sure he's always the one who lights the fireplace in their cabin. Makes food for the two of them, because Hange can oftentimes be clumsy, and he doesn't want for them to accidentally burn the skin that was already burnt so terribly. He sits Hange down every evening and rubs soothing balms onto every inch of them that has been injured.

But sometimes - way too often to Levi's liking - all this help, all his well-meant attempts are still not enough.

Sometimes, Hange screams in their sleep, tosses and turns as though they try to extinguish the non-existent fire. Sometimes they wake up, cling onto him, and whisper, "It hurts, Levi, it hurts so much," with tears streaming down their face. Sometimes they drag him out on a walk or sit down to read a book, and all of a sudden, their face pales and hands begin to tremble, and they bite their lip to keep from crying out, as unwanted memories worm their way into their recently acquired peaceful life.

Hange never talks to him about it, never explains what is it that they see in their dreams or during those short moments when they seem to lose connection to reality. When asked - by curious Gabi or clueless Falco - Hange becomes snappy, and sometimes - downright mean. They refuse to ever breach that subject, not that Levi actually urges them to do that. It certainly doesn't seem healthy, or in any way beneficial to Hange's recovery; people need to talk about that kind of stuff, they shouldn't bottle all of their emotions and turn to simple avoidance. Levi knows that.

But he can't exactly judge them fot that. It'd come as nothing short of condescending and, worst of all, hypocritical. After all, he prefers his traumas to be buried too.

But since he can't talk it out with Hange, he doesn't really know what else to do, how to help them overcome it. He's not even sure that they actually can. How can one simply forget and move on from a trauma so horrific?

But it doesn't stop Levi from trying. He asks Onyankopon about this once, but his 'time heals all wounds' isn't all that helpful. If Levi's life has taught him anything, it’s that time at best mends the wounds, but doesn't close them completely.

Something more is usually required.

He searches for it, but without much success. He goes to the library, shifts through a dozen books, but doesn't find anything more useful than Onyankopon's bit of wisdom.

So, he resolves to help however he is able to. He tries to distract Hange - with books he brings from the library and a little garden that he organised with the sole purpose of cheering them up. He holds them in his arms after they suffer through another nightmare. Tries to find some soothing words, often borrowing them from the books he read, and finds that, miraculously, they work, although not in the way that the smart people who wrote them probably intended. Hange usually scoffs at his attempts, and on the nights when he gets especially lucky - they crack a smile or even chuckle at him. He always feels a bit stupid afterwards, but Hange relaxes in his embrace, and sometimes the end definitely justify the means.

Besides, he knows that, honestly, he's not faring that much better. Maybe not in the same way, but he's just as broken as Hange is. He's not the man he was before. Most days, he can't even get out of the bed on his own, and most evenings greet him with a terrible ache in his legs that sometimes becomes too excruciating to bear.

He knows that he often gets too angry and for no good reason too. And there are days when he feels helpless, useless, nothing more than a nuisance to Hange, and he doesn't want to do a thing, just lay in bed, staring at the wall and reliving all the good times that he didn't at all appreciate before, until Hange finds him and forces him to eat and take a bath. He's no stranger to nightmares too, although where Hange's make them relive the worst moments of their life, Levi is condemned to the ones of his best. The ghosts of comrades and friends invade his dreams and make that ache inside that much acuter, that much harder to bear.

He got his happy ending, he survived, but they did not. And he knows that this guilt he will carry with him forever.

But not all of it is bad. There is not a thing Levi regrettes.

What are nightmares if you wake up in the arms of the person you love most? What are petty arguments and rare screaming matches, when a simple 'sorry' and a kiss can evaporate all anger? What is pain, if you have someone, who will soothe your wounds with gentle hands and reverent kisses? What are the terrible hardships and heartbreaks of the past, if the future appears to be brighter and more hopeful than you could ever imagine?

Why does all of it matter, if you wake up to the sight of your most favorite person in the world, if your days are filled with their laughter and their hand fits right into yours?

How you can hate a life that's already given you so much more than you deserved?

[wanderlust-in-my-soul]

My weekly roundup CW 20

I try to write down my thoughts after watching stuff to create a little weekly ranking in relation to the previous week on my, most of the times, quiet sundays (and because I love lists!). These are just my personal opinions and preferences.

And yes, this will contain spoilers!

The Promise is on hiatus this week. I guess it is because they wanted to end the series on WeTV and their Youtube channel on the same day.

→ 1. Love Mate (Ep 5+6)

Most adorable scene this week:

Ahhh, yes, I am obsessed with the series. I love them and don't want to miss them! Sunshine guy and Grumpy Guy are so precious. And grumpy guy is slowly becoming sunshine guy No 2. I love how happy he looks when he is with sunshine guy. I still didn't quite get the pool date and we were robbed of an underwater kiss! It was the perfect opportunity!!!! And they don't need to fool us. They are not date mates. They are a couple. I think it's cute how sunshine guy plays along, even though he actually knows full well that grumpy guy and him are a couple, but so as not to scare him away, he just plays along. The second thing I didn't understand, why don't they sleep together in the same bed? The solution to the problem was of course very adorable and I almost exploded because of the concentrated cuteness of the scene. I would have liked it even more if grumpy guy had climbed down to sunshine guy of his own accord and hugged him from behind. But I don't want to complain. The scene is burned into my memory forever now. And yes, the end of episode 6 fucked me up. Sunshine Guy! Go to him. Take him in your arms! Don't run away! But maybe he just knows grumpy guy well enough to know that he might have closed himself off in that moment. That fucked up ex-boyfriend. It was obvious that he would still play a role. You better not fuck this up in the finale!

↑ 2. La Pluie (Ep 4)

Most surprising kiss this week:

I'm squealing! I was really afraid that there would be a huge problem when Patts found out that Saengtai knew they were soulmates. But with that I am not mad. The kiss on the other hand…Yes, Saengtai initiated it, but Patts was willing to go quite a few steps further. Boy, Saengtai was drunk off his ass! No thought of getting into his pants there. But well, who hasn't made out with someone while drunk? I'll let it slide. Oh man, my critical eyes are really going blind when I like a scene. Not saying it was a good choice of writing the first kiss! Second point…Patts. Talk to your ex, please. Silence has never helped anyone. Especially not in front of love contaminated people. So tell her, hey, I found my soulmate and now I will start a new happy life with him. Other than that, Saengtai and Patts are both like sugar to me. I find their interactions so cute and want to permanently pinch their cheeks. The series definitely manages to pick up from week to week. I'm a little scared when it comes to the drama. I'm not going to like it, but honestly, we're on episode 4 of 12. There's a whole bunch more drama to come…And I'm not ready for it!

→ 3. Happy Merry Ending (Ep 7+8 Final)

The most smitten guy of the week:

Episode 7 I will simply banish from my memory again. But that was exactly what I feared last week. Namely that JaeHyun reminds SeungJun way too much of his ex with his manner. He couldn't offer him any protection at that moment. And I understand SeungJun so much that he sends JaeHyun away, that he wants to be alone, that he wants to protect himself. It's all been so new for him, he was too overwhelmed with the new relationship, because he himself wasn't ready yet from the head. Yes, JaeHyun gave him peace when they were together, but when he was alone, he was vulnerable again. He himself needs to learn to stop being vulnerable and attackable to his ex in order to be a good partner in the future and address and overcome his trauma because: Love cannot heal everything. But even though JeungJun sent JaeHyun away, it was his love that made JeungJun finally take control of his life. He had to make that decision himself to become stronger. And when he is ready, he just hopes that JaeHyun will forgive him…If we were to dive into reality at this point, we would realize that this is wishful thinking. How often does it happen that one person waits so long for another and that other person actually gives a sign at some point, like "Hey, I still like you"? The story would have actually ended at the point when JeungJun asks JaeHyun to leave and compares him to his disgusting ex. That would have been my breaking point, anyway. But, we are not in reality, but in the beautiful world of BL. And here, with the last episode, we get our happy ending, as we hoped for. And may I say at this point that I now wish we had heard more songs from JaeHyun? What a beautiful voice! Makes him even more handsome. I liked the story. I liked that JeungJun managed to turn his life around on his own. I liked the look on JaeHyun's face when he looks at JeungJun. I liked their absolutely cozy looking togetherness. I liked their romance.

↑ 4. Our Skyy 2 (Ep 9+10)

Okay, I was so afraid Our Skyy would ruin my favorites, but shit, was it fun! Would I have liked to see Tinn and Gun navigate their lives with each other after school with new challenges? Absolutely. Do I think the role reversal idea is bad? Not really. It's very amusing to see Gemini and Fourth play each other's roles and give them their own character traits. And they came up with some really good jokes. I was on the floor laughing. The dance scene was so over the top. The whole scene after the exam when they were in each other's arms…I couldn't take it anymore! And to add TiwsonPor as an already existing couple - chef's kiss. They know exactly what they are doing. This is fanservice at its finest. I love it when a show is aware of its fans and what they want, and when they don't just throw it out there, but incorporate in well into the plot. This is so fanfiction!!! It's like the writers and everyone involved really paid attention and saw where the mistakes or inconsistencies were with the original series and now they're making fun of them in an excellent way. Best scene: the guys are all in a room together and Gun and Tinn are flirting with each other and the guys are nagging them not to be so loud. That's realistic for a change. All in all, I liked the episodes of Our Skyy so much more than the previous ones.

↓ 5. My Story (Ep 6)

I don't care about this week! Please don't let Zeke be late for that stupid school event next week and what's with Drake and him? The drama belongs with Sky and Win. Not in our little sanctuary Zeke x Fifth heaven. I resent that! This week was soooo cute again! Fifth is just still very unsure if he can be enough and satisfy Zeke, and Zeke may give him something to doubt there when he agrees to Kim's event even though he promised to be at the school event. And I can already somewhat imagine next week that drama can arise through that. Although I can also understand Zeke wanting to fuel his career as a photographer a bit with the assignment from Kim. These two are going to break my heart before they painstakingly patch it back together. And just between us, I probably wouldn't mind to see their reconciliation in the end.

↓ 6. Our Dining Table (Ep 7)

A kiss? Really now? Not that I think there was really a kiss with the camera shot like that, but still! Brave Minoru! Aside from the kiss, it was another nice, stable episode. Yutaka is opening up to Minoru and Tane is such an empathetic boy, it's heartbreaking. And the dad is my absolute favorite! I think among all of us, he's the biggest shipper of the two!

↑ 7. Step by Step (Ep 5)

Jeng and Pat are so side tracked in my mind right now. Yes, there is progress, they slept in a bed together and you can tell they both already know they like the other. And at the end there was this totally romantic scene with fireworks in the background that screamed for a kiss and then the cut came…okay…but, what really stuck in my mind? My ambivalent feelings about Jaab and Jane. But I did some soul-searching. One of my favorite series is Love Mechanics…so who am I to judge? Yes, Jane fucked up, but shit happens in this world. That doesn't excuse anything, but I'm selfish and I want these two to get together. They both like each other. And of course Jaab doesn't hide it, but he never makes the first move. So it's absolutely clear that Jane is equally attracted to Jaab. So much that he crosses lines he shouldn't. The affair, or even a fling, has a certain tingle, the whiff of something forbidden. It's morally reprehensible and yet the subject matter is always found in the media and people are drawn to it. Why? Because it shows emotions very raw and pure. Because desire for a person is depicted, which otherwise can hardly be transported through the medium. Because it means that the desire for this person, be it purely sexual or even romantic, is so great that one accepts the moral contempt. Because in some moments you have no control over your thoughts and your body. Because it is a temptation that people would like to give in to, at least in their thoughts. It means giving up control to your heart and even if you have never had the thought of cheating, you can still understand what can happen in your body and head. So yeah, I'm not mad about it at the end of this week. I'm excited to see what happens next and I'm eager to see when they get to their happy ending and what other obstacles are put in their way.

↑ 8. A Boss and a Babe (Ep 12 Final)

Most ridiculous dialogue of the week:

The finale surprised once again. How pissed I was at first when it turned out to be just a dream…I hate that. That is one of the shittiest placeholder…fucking dream sequences. And then also at the end of the last episode, so it can't be resolved until the next episode either. That hit home. After that, it was a sugar fest. So much sweetness and romance. Was a little too much for my stunted heart. But it was the conclusion I think we all thought and hoped for. The friends group is and remains my favorite of the series and especially the fact that they have accepted Gun into their group like that and he visibly feels at home there. The roof terrace at the end was a bit much for me. If my partner did that, I'd probably be throwing up rainbows and cotton candy. But anyway. I'm excited to see what happens next week with Our Skyy 2…The preview looked…exhausting, to put it nicely.

↓ 9. Naked Dining (Ep 6)

Oh, Futa… What are you doing? You're dreaming about Mahiro kissing you. Do you want me to interpret it for you? Your subconscious has already figured out that you like him. Your subconscious is trying to tell you what you want, you just have to listen and let it happen. Instead, you're talking about getting married and starting a family. And the look on Mahori's face spoke volumes. He's so hurt and disappointed. He really thought you guys were making progress after Futa's talk of fate, that you found each other again. Oh man. This is so frustrating. All the better that Mahiro told him the truth in the end and leaves Futa alone with his thoughts now. I'm excited to see what happens next.

→ 10. House of Stars (Ep 3)

I found the episode so boring and uninteresting and I don't understand the dynamic going on. I don't get what the relationship is supposed to be between Gun and Pitch. Pitch is obsessed with Gun and Gun doesn't like him, but tolerates him and sometimes looks at him like he's in love with him and is nice to him. And on the other hand, we have So, who is clearly into Pitch and Pitch kind of likes him, but by the portrayal of his character, I really can't see any feelings from Pitch. And yeah, the choice of how he conveys the character is really not working for me. I don't like it. And Pitch is such an unlikable character. He knows he's going to screw up, again and again and again and doesn't learn from it and again and again others have to bail him out while is standing there grinning...Yes, I'm dropping it at this point.

[lucky-clover-gazette]

okay i figured out why i ship zelink in totk and not botw. first, the botw memories don’t feel parallel to the narrative in the same way as the tear visions. second, they’re both like five years older and i relate more, especially to zelda. third—and this is the big one—link does not remember zelda in botw! so when she speaks to him or he rescues her i just don’t see any emotion or investment, which makes sense! and in the visions he is animated to be so deadpan at all times, which is to the detriment of the story they attempted to tell. most of the time he just looks bored as zelda is like freaking out and being SO extra, which is totally fine for her to be, but it was hard to take them seriously as people who would have chosen to be around each other outside of the knight/princess dynamic. she was giving too much and he was giving nothing. the balance between them is so much better in totk.

in totk, link knows zelda and he so clearly loves her. platonically or romantically, it’s undeniable. there is so much care put into his animations and vfx to show the amount of importance she has to him, how much his gut tells him to protect her— not bc of prophecy or a station, but because it’s his zelda. i felt no urgency to save her in botw, but in totk, i did almost immediately, just to have peace of mind before i play the massive amount of side content.

and this love between them in totk is always present, because it’s not like she’s just in the castle speaking to him in his head, she is so much more active in her absence. there are so many clues in the world and from the npcs who know them to suggest that they are close. we learn about the nature of their relationship, the way they’re referred to often as a unit. it’s adorable.

and to be clear, i don’t really care about the spicy aspect of shipping them, in fact i like ace link a lot, but as these close friends spanning over entire timelines? they’re so much more that in this game. they felt so disconnected in botw from the rest of their iterations.

i’m inclined to think that they had only just started to actually like and trust each other before link died before botw, which makes his sacrifice and behavior in later memories even more devastating. and then after botw they got this second chance, and trauma bonded, and eventually helped each other overcome that trauma and formed a deep connection that was their choice. and then maybe two or three years later, they recognized the desire to be in a romantic relationship, but were already doing a lot of those kinds of close things already (living together, etc). that interpretation i can 100% see in the game’s context, and enjoy as a viewer, and accept into my personal headcanon.

girl, the way he cradles her head in the final scene. his face in all the cutscenes whenever zelda is brought up. the way she gushes about who he is as a person, so freely and lovingly, and goes to such lengths to find sages to help him before making her sacrifice. it’s all so good. i have been convinced. they are wonderful for each other, and for the story itself.

[rubydevilcat-blog]

⚠️LAES SPOILERS FOR LATEST EPISODE⚠️ (3/1-2)

This is a prediction for what will happen to Lunar and the future.

After seeing the recent episodes, I feel like something more will happen later on after March. With the lore being confusing, problems going on left and right, and with what Lunar just did. I feel like I may be able to at least predict what will happen later, for what Lunar will face in his character arc.

From what has happened, with Lunar killing Eclipse, and Lunar being in trouble with the Astro Bodies because of it, I feel like in this current month it is a perfect opportunity for Lunar to finally stop ignoring his trauma and problems and focus on it. With now the fear of the idea of him being a bad person, him losing Gemini forever, and even having Taurus and Leo after him to kill him. This is something that will scare Lunar enough to try to improve, take Gemini’s word and actually try to find some help.

But what does this have to do with my prediction? Well for my prediction, I’m theorizing how Lunar will improve, and what it will do to him later on.

I believe that once the Total Eclipse happens on April 8th, we will see Lunar find his inner peace and unlock something new 🌟

With the work Lunar is going to do to prove himself, to show he isn’t just a child, I know that during his arc he would deal with some struggles that may happen in the show: Possible nightmares, hallucinations, and also panic attacks. But through all of it all, what he needs the most is to finally get some Inner Peace for himself.

I believe that the reason why Lunar’s emotions are so connected to his powers, is because he has been bottling them up and ignoring it for so long it becomes to struggle to properly use it. So if he manages to process that grief, and trauma, he may be able to unlock Inner Peace, then later be able to finally master his Star power. But I believe we may also get something else, thanks to another artist🦈 we may have an idea on what will happen next.

(This is me explaining what I think will happen on April 8th)

As Lunar would finally find his inner peace, to process everything that happened, to prove he doesn’t need to be afraid of Eclipse anymore, and to show he won’t have to suffer because of the past. Taurus and Leo would soon come to Earth, won’t be waiting anymore as they go to find Lunar, to hunt him down as they are tried of Gemini constantly defending him. While Lunar has managed to find get some help, to finally overcome his trauma with Eclipse, I can imagine this won’t stop Taurus or Leo from finding him and killing him. This is where his Inner peace would come in hand. I can Imagine in that episode, either Taurus or Leo would blast their power against Lunar, and at first Lunar thought that he died again, until he was given a blessing.

It would feel like Lunar is in some kind of mind space, a land filled with stars with the star right in front of him. He is given a chance of life again, but this time with a twist. Since his original body would have been destroyed by the blast, his star power would be able to make him his very own Astro Body. Similar to how he looked expect fitting more into the theme of space with darker, more purple colors, it can prove to the other Astro Bodies that Lunar has finally learned how to control his star power, and shown them how much he has grown ever since the day he got the star power.

Him finally achieving his inner peace would have made his star power much more stronger, being able to be like the other Astro bodies. (Gemini once said that Astro bodies can die, but they can never stay dead) This would be a new discovery for the other Astro bodies, seeing a mortal becoming an Astro body, would be astounding. May even get Gemini to feel proud for Lunar’s accomplishments.

That is it for my prediction, I hope in the future we may get something similar to this, with Lunar’s character arc and maybe even him becoming an Astro body. But we will have to wait and see…

[nerdy-talks]

I agree with your opinion and thoughts about Solomon and him asking us to side with humanity... I love solomon, and his ideas and priorities are admirable, really! But I'm pretty sure his ways of execution to reach those ideals and fulfill his goals, for humanity to be seen as a race worthy to be seen as an equal, isn't the only plausible way.

Not to mention that humanity can still be seen as a strong race without us having to hover at each other's throats and without instigating into an all out war. We can still reach a middle ground through our peaceful and understanding approach. Like us giving the grimoire to Lucifer, man was seething at Mc out of worry and fear for his brothers, which was completely understandable, but us handing out the grimoire could possibly give us brownie points into regaining Lucifer's trust back. I'm pretty the MC isn't THAT stupid.

So maybe the MC's approach through peace and trust is better than any of other race's approach, which is guided by their own power, biases, prejudice and preconceived notions, etc...

And sure let's say that Solomon is 100% on our side, the way he acts with us sometimes could really tip off our perspective towards him from good to bad and vice versa. And this man has the balls to warn us about time paradoxes and shi when he chose to make a pact with Asmodeus early than supposed to... you're the strongest sorcerer... just use ur powers to kill the spider bro or summon Barbatos instead early on instead💀 (Lesson 7?)

I apologize for my late response, precious anon! Yesterday was a little hectic, so I didn't see your ask until now ^^"

But I have a LOT to say, so hopefully this long-winded reply makes up for the delay lol

Let me start by saying that I genuinely appreciate your insight and I also agree with you 100%

I feel like there's still so much that hasn't been revealed to us yet, especially regarding Solomon's past. I've already given my own theories thus far, but I am particularly curious why Solomon thinks that war is even a viable option. What makes him feel this way? What exactly caused the last war he fought pretty much on his own?

Potential Spoilers

What I do find interesting is the information we have been given, though.

In 9-A, some of those prejudices and biases are shown when Solomon ends up in what is clearly an illusion of sorts.

And personally... I would absolutely love to debate and counter all of these assumptions and misjudgments.

In comparison to demons and angels... humans may be more prone to illness, injuries, and death. But that's literally what makes us human.

Despite this, I argue that it does not make humans fragile or weak. We are resilient. We rebound and recover from all sorts of terrible experiences. We survive and overcome trauma. We suffer loss yet do our best to keep our heads up. We fight and push forward through life. We may be human, but we are not to be pitied or underestimated.

I also argue the point of humans needing angels to "protect" us. Yes, there are humans who believe in guardian angels because that is what many of us were taught growing up. Humans want to believe in an afterlife, of a peaceful paradise after this life.

But what about humans who don't share those same beliefs? What about tragic events that occur every day where humans end up dying through no fault of their own? What about humans who feel as though God has forsaken them for whatever reason, whether it be due to illness, loss, or other unfortunate circumstances that have negatively impacted them? For those humans, it seems like no angel is looking out for them or "protecting" them.

My first argument to this mindset : What could a demon possibly understand about a human's path in life? That's like us telling Diavolo how to run the Devildom. It's a topic we are completely ignorant of, therefore we have no business calling the shots.

Not only that, but every single human being is different and unique in their own way. While one path may be good for one person, it may be detrimental for the next person. Also.... I believe that sometimes, humans need to lose their way in order to grow and become wiser.

Speaking from personal experience, I became "lost" more than once to the point where I used to cry and wish that it was possible for someone to come save me from the pain I was experiencing at that moment in time. But even if a demon magically appeared and offered to lead me someplace where I'd be able to find happiness... I would be highly skeptical. What is their definition of "happy"? How do they know I even have a chance at finding happiness? Where exactly would they be leading me? What would they want in return?

For argument's sake, I will admit that I may take a demon up on that offer even now. But it would be out of pure curiosity, not because I actually think I'd be able to find happiness. Which leads me to my next point : demons deceive humans with sweet words in order to drag them into the darkness

I have heard this saying and similar ones numerous times before (Luke even said something along the lines of demons using honeyed words to get others to do their bidding), and I feel like it is perfectly accurate in this scenario too.

Diavolo would be promising a lost, confused, and more than likely desperate human the chance to be happy, and all they would have to do is follow him to some unknown place. Seems way too good to be true, in my opinion.

So that's not "helping" humans.... That's confusing them even more and leading them further away from their path in life (at least within the Human World, since it sounds like Diavolo would take them to the Devildom/Hell. Though I'm just speculating there)

Then in 10-A, it is revealed that this illusion was conjured up by "Nightbringer".

Side note : since this is where Barbatos sent Solomon when he teleported him, it makes me question if Barbatos has connections to Nightbringer... or is somehow Nightbringer himself?

Either way, I found this question interesting :

Solomon is convinced that we share his beliefs and viewpoints, that we'll agree with him and help him fight for the sake of humanity despite saying that he is "not trying to make an enemy" out of either demons or angels .... Which as Nightbringer pointed out, is an awfully overconfident statement to make.

I found this both interesting as well as funny.

Solomon is against demons and angels judging humans, yet he is acting like he knows us inside and out. Don't get me wrong, I love Solomon too. But isn't that a bit hypocritical?

He may have a very close connection/relationship to us, but he obviously doesn't know our heart well enough if he honestly believes that we would turn our back on the brothers and support the idea of a war against them.

As you pointed out, anon... Solomon's delusions beliefs definitely tip the scales when it comes to us wondering if he's genuinely on our side or if he has some kind of hidden agenda that he needs our cooperation with in order for it to come to fruition.

And I absolutely agree with you! I don't know if Solomon has become senile in his old age or what, but he really went out of his way to warn us about the dangers of potentially altering the present if we do or say anything untoward.... Yet he goes and makes a pact with Asmo WAY sooner than he was supposed to. Uh, Solomon? What's with the double standards, buddy?

I really hate to say this, but it honestly does make me question if he used the whole "time paradox" spiel as an excuse to precipitate a conflict with Diavolo, Lucifer, and the others... Because Solomon must have known that if any of them found out MC was lying to them or keeping secrets from them, they would react accordingly (and yes, understandably so).

The latter was pretty much proven already, considering Solomon arrived right on time to save MC from Belphie once the brothers found out MC is actually human, then immediately proceeded to take them to a place where he thought they would be safe. It almost seems like it was planned from the start, if you ask me.

Another side note : And let's not forget where Solomon brought us. He was conveniently in reach of a grimoire that could successfully control Lucifer. Who has been wanting to make a pact with Lucifer for a very long time? Solomon. So I'm curious to know if Solomon did indeed plan all of this. If not to start a war, then maybe to try to force a pact with Lucifer? Because Solomon obviously knew that Lucifer was going to pursue MC and himself, hence why he brought MC to the Reaper's Cave (to get a bargaining chip... AKA the grimoire)

Side Note Number 3 : I find it especially interesting that the brothers threatened Solomon to bring MC back safe and sound. Is that because they suspect he might be up to something, too? Maybe they're worried that Solomon may try to use this opportunity to appeal to MC and have them side with him to escalate a war in the past, and that's why they basically used the promise of bodily dismemberment if he doesn't return with MC in the same condition they both left in.

Anyway, onto the next very important part :

I firmly believe the peaceful and understanding approach is the absolute best way to prove that humans are just as formidable as demons and angels.

My main reason for this belief is in regards to something Lucifer said :

It was my own decision that precipitated the war.

MC knows the brothers better than anyone else. I'd even argue that at this point, MC knows the brothers even better than they know themselves.

MC can reach them in ways they aren't expecting, because MC can use their knowledge of the "present day" boys to properly handle them now. This has been shown numerous times already when MC helped them, encouraging them, and comforted them.

Even when MC gave Satan a few little tidbits about cats, it was a special moment between the two. MC knows that present!Satan loves cats, so they knew past!Satan would instantly be fascinated to learn more. Plus... What better way to quell the Avatar of Wrath's anger than an adorable, fluffy, purring little kitty? ^u^

MC also knew that Lucifer wasn't angry when he cast his spell and was lowkey threatening them. Instead, MC knew Lucifer was scared and worried about his brothers, that he didn't want to risk their safety because of some human who's intentions are currently unknown to him.

But I'm starting to get a little off topic here.... Let me go back to the statement Lucifer made.

It was my own decision that precipitated the war.

MC can choose to blindly follow Solomon and side with humanity like he asked them to do, which may potentially lead to a war between humans, demons, and angels.

Or MC can choose to do things their own way.

As I said before, MC knows the brothers better than anyone else. So MC can reason with them and help them understand that MC only wants what is best for them.... Because MC loves them and cares about them (whether that's romantically or in a familial way is up to you, but it still remains true regardless).

And if MC chooses to do things their own way, which I predict is what will happen especially after the whole grimoire incident.... if that choice means that MC will have to go through a series of trials and tribulations, overcome obstacles and hurdles, and use every ounce of energy and effort to find common ground between the three worlds while avoiding war at all costs.... Isn't that the perfect way to prove just how strong, driven, tenacious, and capable humans are?

MC can open the eyes of both angels and demons to exactly what they, a human, can accomplish through sheer determination and willpower.

It can also be a wonderful opportunity to show both Simeon (an angel) and Lucifer (a demon) that MC (a human) is able to accomplish what neither of them did.

It was my own decision that precipitated the war.

Lucifer made choices that resulted in war. MC can make choices to avoid a war.

Simeon regrets not speaking up back then, not reaching out and actively trying to get through to Lucifer. MC can do the opposite. MC can push and fight to prove their loyalty and dedication to the brothers, they can strive to enrich everyone's lives in a peaceful and nurturing way.

Knowing those two, I am absolutely positive that MC will unequivocally earn their respect this way if they choose this path. And if so... Not so weak and fragile after all, eh Simeon?~ ;D

Most importantly :

If MC makes their own choice to deliberately avoid a war/conflict because of their genuine love for the brothers, it will prove that being a human, demon, or angel is completely irrelevant when there is a mutual level of respect and understanding between two (or more) individuals.

Because let's face it.... We all know every one of the brothers is weak for us and will support us in any way they can. Even Mr. GrumpyPants Lucifer has a major soft spot for us. We just need to work towards rebuilding our relationships, strengthening our bonds, and reforging our pacts with them in this timeline.

But I'm sure MC will accomplish that, in their own way, on their own terms ^ᴗ^

[befuddledcinnamonroll]

Thanks to Shadow, I've been thinking a lot about death and forgiveness.

We've all seen the redemption via death trope a million times. It's really popular. It's also a shortcut, and the easy way out.

To be fair, there's plenty of times it makes narrative sense or helps a story flow better. No one would have been as hyped about Star Wars if Darth Vader survived at the end, and was all "welp, guess I have to start my apology tour for all the mass murder!".

But there are also plenty of times it's done because trying to plan out what it would take for someone to stick around and actually earn redemption is a whole lot harder. Because true redemption takes a hell of a lot of work.

(Side note: the She-Ra reboot has some amazing examples of both types - people working for redemption, and the narcissist where it totally makes sense for her character to do a flashy self-sacrifice and peace out).

But regardless of fictional use, what I find funny is that people will take this concept and try to apply it to real life. In a "I don't have to do the work if I die" kind of way.

You see it all the time, people who have disowned children or been abusive, on their deathbeds, suddenly just wracked with the need for forgiveness. And a lot of the time they send out their flying monkeys, who repeat the common refrains. "They're sorry. They just want some peace before the end. They're dying. How can you deny them this?"

As if death is really some get-out-of-jail free card. As if that person hasn't had their entire life to seek help for their issues, to make a genuine apology, to accept that they may never be forgiven but to work on being better anyway, to make authentic amends.

(And yeah, a lot of these people experienced their own trauma and abuse. But that is an explanation, not an excuse. In the end we are all responsible for our actions. And maybe sometimes we can't overcome our pasts, but then you don't get to ask for absolution from others).

Which brings me to Dan's father. Despite the fictional setting, those household dynamics were incredibly real.

And I am glad that Dan did not forgive him.

I know people love to say that we forgive for our own sake, but I think for our own sake it's more about letting go, and not letting the pain and anger rule our lives.

But that doesn't have to be forgiveness. Not if you don't want to. Not when you were harmed. And especially not when they so often wait until the last minute, play the death hand, and sit back and wait for you to do the work.

I want Dan to be able to move on and find support and community and love. But he gets to do it in his own time. His father didn't make an effort while he was living. He's owed nothing in death.

[charpeach]

Sorry I was talking about the bishops becoming a follower thing but now that you’re here  how do you feel about that? 

Oh! I am very happy about it, actually!

I really enjoy the idea that the one who waits has to face his siblings once again on such conditions. He learns the consequences of his actions, learns what he had done to them. He learns that he still loves them, too - as they are his family - and that he craves to find peace in this new, unfamiliar life brought them by lamb.

The bishops have to learn, too. To overcome their disabilities rather than having them masked by their crowns. To coexist together with ones they have despised or used before. To take a step back and a step down: from being in charge to being charged.

Maybe, just maybe, they will have it figured out. And once an ugly mess of trauma and pain will become relationships woven from trust and kindness.

As sappy as it may seem, there's still a ton of angst to devour haha

and gameplay-wise... my babies are in my cult now I love them so much !!!

[magnumdays]

Magnum PI 5.06 - “Dead Ringer” review

Oh boy, the Miggy feels this episode gave me. 

Actually not just them, it just gave me feels all around. Rick being adorably awkward and wanting hope and TC and Kumu being them and the case being so sweet and Gordon and his son being goals. Even Higgy and Thomas showing up to ask for a favor and wish him good luck with his thing was so cute and on point. 

So yeah, new favorite episode?

Starting to feel like I say that every week but this one really *Chef’s kiss*

So we got Magnum and Higgins being Magnum and Higgins and disagreeing about how to go about the mystery case. They haven’t really done a lot of real disagreeing since being a couple and I think showing it and how they can still be them and together was really nice. And part of why I think Higgy can so confidently say it is “definitively working”. Because it is.

I did enjoy this bit though, where Magnum is just being sooo annoyingly smooth and Magnum...

But yeah, Magnum and Higgins working a case and being awesome PIs is def. just my favorite thing ever. Especially now with them just being a little extra adorable with their looks (okay, okay, they were always adorable with the looks!)

We also got this one! 

Isn’t it kind of funny that the long awaited kiss-lift moment really (while cute) was the one I cared the least about? Funny world.

Case of the week was really good. I liked that they found their “client” (even if I though getting DNA testing took like a bit of time even for the cops, but maybe I’m just not up to date on crime lab time frames.) and got the story using both their skills and method. I suspected the ‘dead’ girl would be alive as soon as we got the story from her dad, even if makes the whole “they’ll never find her body” kind of weird. Like maybe, I guess, because she’s not dead, no body to find, but still kind of weird.

Gordon being nervous and saying his peace and his kid being there and just all around them being an adorable father/son duo makes me happy. 

I wasn’t sure Gordon actually would get his badge back, I thought he’d be denied and like go into a dark depressed spiral of doom. Question now is - what does that mean for Childs? Maybe he stays until mid-season finale? I guess time will tell.

Rick and the Ohana at La Mariana being a hoot and then finally Rick and TC asking Magnum and him being all “Yup, that’s my girl and I’m all about happiness and joy now” was nice. 

Call back to last season with the Nuzo moment right? With the framing?

Final scene will forever be in my heart. Like doubtful I could have written a more fluff Miggy scene myself if I tried.

Yeah... peak Miggy right there! 

No Greene case stuff at all, but that’s fine (we’re worried enough about our TC as it is.) This episode was better off just focusing on the main plot of Magnum and Higgy (and Childs) investigating + Rick being all “they’re doing it” and Gordy’s hearing as side plots.

(Side note;I can’t wait to watch it the  whole episode in HD, because there was a distinct 2010 quality to the ones I’ve found so far!)

Next weeks promo looks... confusing. But from the summary “Magnum and Higgins investigate the robbery of an elderly man suffering from Alzheimer's. The ohana tries to help TC overcome a past trauma.” It seems we might get both a bit of Higgy backstory (if someone remembers her mom backstory) and TC and backstory is always fantastic. Plus more Miggy team up, that’s what we love to see!

I’m also excited for 5.08 which according to the summary will see Higgy undercover at a mental hospital. That is simply a to die for concept and I can’t wait to see it!

[ruminate88]

Hi! I'm trying to learn how to be a better person and I've been reading your blog since I found it. I'm sorry for what you went through. I hope you get better soon. I know it's cliche to say you're not alone, but you are probably feeling like you are because narcissistic abuse includes being isolated--by being manipulated or being forced to isolate yourself. It's a very slow healing process like an amputated limb, but it WILL get better as you find peace.

Can you maybe make a post with a list of all the bad things narcs have done to you? I think listing helps.

I appreciate you reading my blog if this is all for you, I’m glad I created it. I wanted to help at least one person see a light at the end of their tunnel. Thank you for the kind words I know I’m not completely alone, I pray to God everyday and believe he hears my cries and cares but physically, yes, I don’t talk to family or friends about any of this, I stay to myself, as I’ve been ashamed and unsure if they would be able to understand all I went through and obviously not to upset family.

I can only tell you I’ve felt like a broken/bad person many of days and I don’t take all the credit in healing myself, I believe God has done most of the work. The best choice I ever made was to admit I failed my life and myself. To ask God to change me and change the direction of my life because I was totally lost not knowing what I needed or wanted!! Nothing had been working for me and I was in the vicious cycle of dating manipulating/controlling men. I HAD to make a change or I was going to hurt myself. I felt like a piece of garage that my exes threw away. 😔😔😔

Things that was hardest about narcissistic abuse:

• You don’t recognize the isolation until you’re out of the relationship with the narcissist. You’re so desperate; worried about pleasing them and making them not upset with you, you spend all your time away from people who actually care about you. Memories of those times makes me so sad to this day.

• The love-bomb phase although it appeared wonderful and my exes were paying me so much attention, I think that phase was the most sickening and disturbing phase. They literally pretend to be the “partner of your dreams” while they’re deceiving you so they can use you and control you. I had been unstable already within my mental health so I was an easy target for them to trick me. My ex Andrew told me, “I mean it with all my heart and soul that I love you and want you to text me” even though he had went no contact from me a whole week prior. Him saying such a great statement kept me pulled in to his toxic pool and I kept on drowning in it.

• so I dealt with 3 narcissists but the 2nd one, Cody, he dumped me twice but the 2nd time he did it by ghosting me. I’m not trying to be dramatic when I say it was very traumatizing… Considering you’re in trauma bond with this person. They create a false narrative that you’re both so obsessed with each other and you believe the feelings are reciprocated but they’re not!! The narcissistic relationship is extremely one-sided. So him ghosting me, he not only made me so attached and crazy about the fairytale love he made up with me but then to just ghost me and rip it all away, took my spirit at that time. I was a dead person walking after that. I saw almost NO hope for me. Then to meet Andrew not even 6 months after and I begged Andrew pleeeease don’t hurt me like Cody did but Andrew couldn’t help who he is. 💔🖤

• Another scar I have had to overcome is after I broke up with Andrew, we continued to flirt and sext a lot but then started to argue a lot. (He would claim he missed sexting me but then blame me and say I was making him wanna sext that I didn’t respect the breakup) Arguing through text is always rough because words can be misconstrued. (I couldn’t hardly get him on the phone ever to actually talk. He only wanted to text.) Andrew said very hurtful things to me. He kept changing “our story” because he couldn’t be honest with himself or take accountability for the fact he was in a real relationship with me for a year. He told me “He pretended all this feelings to just lead me on” but then quickly changed his story again to say “he was in love with me but fell out of love with me and was afraid to tell me” but the biggest slap in my face was eventually he exclaimed, “If I’m hurting you so much then just stop caring about me.” 😭 (as if I could just undo the attachment he allowed me to make with him. The many months he got my hopes up with future faking plus the promises he gave to me that I held onto but he couldn’t take accountability for anything he had done to me or with me.

• Eventually during the many arguments I had with Andrew, I hit my breaking point and had a suicide attack!! I let him know right away I was done fighting and didn’t see how I could continue on with him. I told him I wanted to end my life and then flipped a switch and pretended to be scared for me and pretended to “rescue me” blew up my phone begging me to stay and saying he’s sorry to have said what he said in our arguments. I wanted to believe him so bad. Whenever the attack subsided hours later and I was able to calmly reply to his countless pleas for me to stay, he pretended to have been so “worried about me” but then explained he believed “I wasn’t well and needed to get professional help.” He made me believe I was messed up and had so many issues…. Now I finally look back and think that was a form of gaslighting. He found something he could use to make me look like a problem and it deflected the focus off of him being a cheater and a liar. (He had a new girlfriend already) That whole situation caused me so much anger that I never saw till years later when I am now healing, I realize I had all that anger to deal with. It was uncomfortable!

• Always being nervous with their reactions and consistenly apologizing for them, as they make you to believe everything is your fault. They don’t like when you speak up against their actions and behaviors. 3 times I tried to confront Andrew as he would ignore me 2/3 days at a time but then always come back and treat me like I was his baby and he wanted me. Those 3 times I would ask if he’s too busy for us, does he want to break up and just be friends but he would always get so defensive and act upset like I was causing him so much stress. It would always end with me being sorry and telling him how much I adore him and I would kiss his feet like he was a king and he would then say the most romantic things to me and say how beautiful I was BUT I always knew in the back of my mind he was cheating and hiding stuff from me but I was scared to admit it out loud and “lose him.” My friends would tell me what a loser he was that I should leave him but I would get so upset and push my friends away. Andrew was barely there for me but I was 110% faithful to him.

• Seeking their approval was super exhausting too and it’s taken me years to relax and be comfortable within my skin. Andrew and Cody both gave me so little but they took everything from me. I was pathetic in sitting next to my phone 24/7 begging Andrew to text me and pay me attention because when he did, it was always “hey babe I missed you” and he would Snapchat me selfies and I would melt at his sparklingly blue eyes yet they were fake. Truly his eyes are black!!! I would cry for days with my phone and stalk Andrew’s social media pages hoping I don’t find other women and I could never find proof he was cheating. When Andrew would finally text me back or Snapchat me, I didn’t want him to leave again so I was throwing myself at him!! 🥴🥴🥴 I would dress up with all the makeup and sometimes no clothes on hoping to make him wanna stay and he would tell me how much I turned him on how he wanted me but didn’t wanna tell our parents about our relationship… (I just knew he was hiding things and other girls but I would not admit it for months)

They make holidays miserable 😩 •Halloween - Andrew said he was going to a party, didn’t invite me and I didn’t hear from him again till the next day. (Cheating)

• Thanksgiving, didn’t hear from Andrew at all till later that night and he was out “Black Friday shopping” and treating me like some random person he’s texting. I spent that whole day isolated during my family dinner. I had my phone on a charger in the wall and spent hours trying to type a long text message to tell him how bothered I was with his “hot and cold” behavior but every time I wanted to send it to him, I was scared he would dump me and I kept erasing my message and retyping it. People kept asking “you okay??” And I pretended I was fine. He stole that thanksgiving away from me!! (Mind you any regular day Andrew would text me just fine it was only holidays he ruined)

• Christmas - sucked!!!! No good morning babe or merry Christmas from Andrew till really late when the day is almost over. I yet again was isolating myself during family time. Stayed in my bedroom so sad why my “boyfriend” hadn’t texted me alllll day. When he did finally text, I confronted his absense and he exclaimed “he wasn’t worthy of my love” and “he wasn’t good enough for me.” I thought he was breaking up with me and I cried so hard. He swore that he wasn’t breaking up but that he believed I deserved better than him and he could never be enough for me. It was so confusing and I was actually happy when the day ended because it just sucked so much 😣

• Valentine’s Day - Was the worst one. Andrew was different the whole month of January prior. He was the best boyfriend daily talking sweet to me and showing me “affection” and selfies galore but on Valentine’s Day it felt so forced with him. I begged him would he send me a video of himself saying “I love you” and he did!!! It just all felt off. Then later that night. He was super cold. I asked him “what are your plans tonight??” He said “I never get time to myself, I’m always studying, doing homework or spending time with you.” 🥺 ouch!!! He said he just wanted to play video games and relax…. He continued to snap me some but I felt he didn’t really want to. He took time in between each response, leaving me to sit on my phone all night wishing things were better. He flirted some but that was it. I was in bed disappointed he chose video games over me on valentines day and at some point he never responded back!! I sat up till 3am letting tears fall as I gazed at Snapchat seeeing he still never opened my message… the thing with him is usually if he felt “sick” he would text me about it. So next morning he messaged me first goood morning and asked how I slept. I told him I waited up till 3am for him to respond!! THEN Andrew said “I didn’t sleep at all. I was up sick to my stomach all night”…. What?!! I knew he was lying. 😔 I asked him why didn’t he tell me he got sick and he said because he it was his stomach and he was embarrassed to say he was in the bathroom… haha (the man sent me nude selfies from his shower almost daily. He’s not embarrassed easily.)

I know this is a lot but I am finally at a place where I believe I experienced all of this so that I can better understand and relate to other people. All the anger and bitterness I had from both my exes was hard but gave me tough skin. All the nights and days I didn’t sleep worried if I was impressing them. They never deserved me to impress them but I can’t help but think maybe a small part of me touched their lives but maybe that’s just hopeful thinking. I hate to call them monsters, it makes me feel bad but I can’t hide the fact they hurt me soooooo deep. ❤️‍🩹🖤

(The list of things I endured from both Cody and Andrew could go on for many chapters. I chose the moments that I felt affected me the most)

You said it right!!! It’s exactly like a limb that needs healing. It’s every part of me. Years after I got away from Andrew, I started to randomly lose all the weight I couldn’t before. I lost a lot of hair too and I was so defensive in my marriage. My husband could say the littlest thing to trigger me and I instantly wanted to be so upset and hold everything inside to avoid any conflict. I hate confrontation it didn’t always go so easy with Andrew or Cody. It’s scary to wonder how my husband would react. Would he be different from those men?

I blocked Andrew’s number in 2015 and I didn’t learn about narcissism until 2022!!! That’s a long time that I searched for answers and I struggled in my marriage because I’ve kept a guard up scared to face anymore humiliation or disappointment in my life. Now that I understand a little more about what emotional abuse is, I began to feel everything and make more sense of it. I now see the light at the end of the tunnel and I’ve worked so hard on getting my hair back and getting my gut health under control. I’m spending so much time with family and I stand up for myself more!!!! I believe there is much purpose in all the suffering I faced with the narcissists. (There just has to be) I believe all of it made me a stronger person!! Do I “miss” the false faces and the love bomb phase?? It’s addicting more than it is “missing them”. I don’t know the real Andrew or Cody. Last time I tried to Google cody, I felt like he was sooo different it bothered me so much. I basically had a one-sided relationship with total strangers who hated my guts but pretended to be in love with me… they haunt me every day but I refuse to ever reach out to them and I do try to pray for them every time I feel upset about them. What else can I do?? It’s all over! They can’t change what they did to me and I can’t make them say sorry. If God doesn’t change them, they’re never going to feel empathy for the broken heart they gave me but God is showing me love I never saw ever before. So is my husband. I’m learning just now to finally trust both God and my husband!! (Taking deep breaths because I’m safe now) I’m only looking up now! I’ve already hit my rock bottom! ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 Hope this is all enlightening, encouraging and helpful! Thank you again for taking time to message me!! 🥰

[sevenmerrymagpies]

Chapter 1 - Steve's No Good, Terrible, Kinda Perfect Senior Year

Summary:

Steve pivoted back to his original demand. “You can’t tell anyone.” Munson scoffed. “I mean it. You cannot tell anyone about this.” “What’s in it for me, if I don’t?” Eddie said as he stood up to his full height from leaning over the table and crossed his arms. +++ In a last-ditch attempt to live and create a new leader for their hive mind, the vines in the tunnel released a (probably) toxic goop right into Steve’s face. Getting powers from the Upside Down was the cherry on the shit sundae Steve had been served since Halloween. All he wanted to do was graduate in peace, left alone to lick his wounds and mourn the loss of his relationship with Nancy and the loss of his popularity in private. It turns out the Spring of ‘85 might be when he finally finds a family, real friends, and a very unexpected romance.

As Steve looked down into the tunnels he really hoped the masks helped against the stuff floating in the air. At all. And that the kids kept them up the whole time. After he jumped down into the tunnels and helped the rest of the kids do the same, he let his game-day instincts overcome his nerves. It helped him to focus on keeping the kids safe and letting them do their firebug thing. Even sporting the aches and pains from first the junkyard and then his fight with Billy his body knew how to keep going. He knew how to feel like crap with the first cold of the year and still win his swim meet. He knew how to captain a basketball team with a hangover. His body knew how to do this, so he let it. Better than double-thinking everything and failing to act when Mike was trapped by the vines or the demodogs were chasing them. Better to get everyone out of the tunnels and back safe, firmly in Hawkins.

After all the kids were safe, after he got out of the tunnels, after the lights on the Camero flared to life and Mike declared the evening won, he flopped on the ground and groaned, feeling overwhelmed after ignoring them for the last half hour, all his aches and pains from the night flared as one. He’d had way too much good luck this time out and not enough skill. Not nearly enough of him actually fending off or defeating the monsters with his muscles and his bat. Nothing he’d done had been fully in his control and he suppressed a full-body shudder thinking how easily it could have gone wrong. Or maybe that full-body shudder was from the head trauma. You can only suppress the effects of a concussion for so long before it rears up again, so when the urge to vomit finally got too strong, he crawled down near the caved-in sinkhole they’d used as an entrance to the tunnels and vomited.

It seemed like just desserts to give the Upside Down a little bit of a last fuck you. Expect, of course, his good luck that night finally ran out because one of the vines near the edge of the tunnel seemed to break away, or swing his way for some reason. Steve didn’t know what was happening, or why, he only saw it out of the corner of his eye too late to move as he heaved the last bits of bile from his stomach. The vine curved towards him and squirted something out onto his face.

Right in his open mouth.

“Ew, gross.” He said sitting back from the edge of the sinkhole. It was all over his face, in his mouth, and his hair. He tried to spit it out but he knew he swallowed some of it too. This shit was vile. “Anyone got a napkin or a towel.”

“Of course, we don’t dipshit,” Mike said.

“Thanks, Mike, you’re help is always so stellar.” Steve spit out more of the goo.

Dustin started screaming at the same time, “Oh, my god, get it off you. Who knows what that is.”

“Yes, Dustin, which is why I’m asking you guys to look in the car for something to help wipe it off,” Steve tried to get some of it off his face but instead he smeared it over more of himself. He shook his hands sharply once and fat globs of the stuff flopped onto the ground at his feet.

The kids finally realized leaving Steve covered in unknown Upside Down goo wasn’t the healthiest option, for him or anyone, and frantically searched the car while Max dug through Dustin’s backpack and found some old McDonald’s napkins in the bottom. She handed them over before the rest of the boys even noticed. “Thanks, Red.”

He wiped as much of the goo off as he could and figured he’d get the rest in the shower. He also figured he probably had to tell an actual adult he needed to be decontaminated somehow. Steve didn’t know what that would entail but as long as it didn’t mean he missed too much school, he didn’t care. Too many absences this quarter meant he might get kicked from the basketball team next quarter and that wasn’t something he could stand to give up this year. Not after Halloween. Not after Nancy and Billy.

He tossed the napkins on the ground and then Dustin screamed at him, “No, we can’t get rid of those, they’re samples of whatever that was.” He prodded the napkins with his toe. In a quieter voice, he said, “But maybe you should touch them because you’ve already got exposed to it.”

“You’re gonna make me carry those napkins around with us?” Steve asked, incredulous that this boy was somehow both so smart and such an absolute shit stain. The kid nodded and Steve crumbled, the energy to fight Dustin gone a long time ago. “Fine!” Steve said and threw his hands up in the air. He pocketed the napkins in his jean pocket since the jeans weren’t his favorite and they were probably going in the trash at this point. Despite the goo, Steve was still hoping his jacket was salvageable with a thorough spot cleaning followed by a deluxe dry cleaning.

“I’ll drive us back,” Max said with a chipper, eager voice.

“No way, toss me the keys,” Steve said.

“But you’ve got a concussion,” Lucas said. “You can’t drive.”

“Even with my face caved in I can drive better than any of you. So I’m driving back.”

Steve had to concentrate on driving with enough intensity it made him feel like he had his learner’s permit again. At least his eyesight had cleared and the nausea had receded by the time he got behind the wheel.

They were the first group back and found Billy stumbling outside, barely awake as they arrived. Steve left the keys in the car and kept the kids away from Billy, giving him a wide circle. The asshole ignored them and all but crawled to his car before driving away. He’d have to deal with Billy at school, which was going to be really fucking annoying, but that was a future Steve problem.

He collapsed on the couch in the living room and announced. “I’m going to sleep, wake me up when there’s like actual adults here to talk to.”

The last thing he heard was Dusting announcing loudly he shouldn’t go to sleep and declaring it bad for concussions before he passed all the way out.

Read the rest of the chapter on AO3

[dalekofchaos]

My hope and problems with Rey's New Jedi Order

As excited as I am for Rey's return in the New Jedi Order. My problem is the time gap and no sign that Finn, Poe, Rose, and Jannah are returning. No signs that Ben's death will finally be retconned as course correction. Seems like LF doesn't want to fix the problems of the Sequel Trilogy.

Everyone hated that Ben died...for reasons. Everyone hated that Finn's potential was squandered. Everyone hated that Rose was cut to appease the racists. Everyone hated that they made Poe a forced straight. Everyone hated that Jannah barely did anything. Like, come on, if you're going back to the Sequel era, the very least you could do was fix what everyone had problems with.

As for why I have an issue with the time gap. In all that time, we have no idea what the galactic politics are. We have no idea who is in charge. We have no idea that Poe or Lando reformed the New Republic or if there is a power vacuum.

What happened to The First Order, Is there even a First Order anymore? If there was a Stormtrooper Rebellion or not. Is there a threat to galactic peace? Did Rae Sloane return to lead The First Order? Is The Grysk gonna invade? Did a power vacuum happen? Mandalorian invasion? Criminal underworld seizing the opportunity to attack a weakened galaxy? Droid rebellion? Did The Resistance form a new government? Did the people of the galaxy rise up to stop a New Republic?

Feels like DLF will ignore these complicated questions And just revert to the status quo.

No one in the Resistance is equipped to rule a New Republic, maybe Lando. I said the result of TROS should lead to a power vacuum and as I predicted, DLF have reverted back to the status quo. Jedi Order and probably New Republic.

So 15 years. Which means Rey goes on a journey to bring back the Jedi. I'm not exactly excited to see Rey being all alone and doing something that she never expressed interest in doing before.

Again, excited. But if we do not see Ben's death being retconned or not seeing the other sequel characters get the spotlight they deserve, then honestly what is the point?

At the very least I wanna see the following

Rey's Jedi Order. I think the best way to continue Rey’s story is to put behind the talk of lineages and legacies and let Rey forge her own path as the heroine. Rey as a Jedi Master. This movie would explore Rey overcoming her own trauma throughout her life, the events of the sequels and moving on from Palpatine and the Skywalkers and forging her own path and order. This would also explore the history of the Jedi and the Sith. From the Zeffos and Prime Jedi to the Jedi of the Age Of Republic era. This would allow Rey to understand that both extremes must be put to an end and that is the only way forward. In a sense, she is letting the past die. But then, she hears a voice she hasn't heard in 15 years. Ben's. Her journey is to bring about a New Order, but also to bring Ben home.

Stormtrooper rebellion or the mention of a Stormtrooper rebellion

Either Finn gets with Rose or DLF can stop being cowards and give us Finnpoe

Finn takes his first steps as a Jedi and Finn discovers where he's from, his real name, his family and helping other Stormtroopers find their families

Lando and Jannah's journey to discover where she's from and who her family is.

Rose leading a sanctuary for all the children and animals who have lost their families due to the war and helps take care of them, but also Rose would lead an attack on arms dealers and war profiteers who have profited off the war and suffering of the galaxy.

Luke, Obi-Wan, Yoda and Anakin's force ghosts helping guide Rey as a Jedi master

Bringing Ben back via WBW and Rey gets what she really wants, a family and Ben finishes what Anakin could not, having a happy life with his family

[29pageshomestuckeveryday]

Homestuck, page 2,770

Sollux: Enter name.

You cannot name him yet, no matter how inthufferable you find this coolkid to be! You will need to wait until his wriggling day, when he turns six solar sweeps.

Author commentary: --> Pardon the silly panels above, as DAVE ARCTALK continues. Clearly Dave is Terezi's favorite character at this moment, so she won't mind as we indulge in this meta. Basically, his childhood training-trauma results in aversion to violence that fuels his "resistance to the call" feelings. Resistance to the call is a common step in the hero's journey. What's probably less common is the resistance being due to abusive conditioning from the training for that (supposed) journey. Usually in such arcs, the hero resists but then stops resisting in some triumphant moment, overcoming the inner obstacle that caused the resistance. But with Dave, it doesn't quite pan out that way. There isn't this moment where he says "SCREW my abusive past, I need to MAN UP and KILL LORD ENGLISH!" The resolution progresses through a more psychological manner than that. It's similar to the structure of Rose's arc in that way. Both characters know there's this thing they should be doing, as informed by their understanding of how heroic narratives work, so they feel some guilt and struggle with their reluctance or inability to rise to the challenges of the regimented journey of personal growth. The resolution isn't about finding the inner grit to complete their plainly evident arcs by rote (which would therefore validate certain things about them, such as, if Dave fully embraced his destiny as a warrior, maybe that just vindicates Bro's methods?). It's more about finding release from the psychological burden of these narrative-mandated pressures and becoming more complete not as a warrior or a hero, but as a person. Someone who can make peace with their flaws, forgive themselves and others, and move forward in life with a greater understanding of themselves and a better adjusted sense of priorities.