#maybe believe is the wrong word

[the-physicality]

i watched 5/14/22 W over seattle today and.....

a w is a w, but not a lot of ~good~ basketball happening here

a real nailbiter [but i looked at the box score in advance, for my mental health]

this was of course before sue announced and interestingly enough the announcers [ryan and rebecca] said when they both go, there won't be tour. little did they know

more concerning is that they asked dt about her plans and she gave a hard no re stepping away [which if you recall is very different from the answers we've been getting.. and some may say an answer in and of itself]

[cto10121]

Book Fiyero: *immediately recognizes Elphaba and stations himself at the backdoor to prevent her from evading him, stalks her halfway across town to her aerie (even though at that point in time she was only a college friend he hadn’t seen in five years), insists on seeing her again, instinctively goes to comfort her when she first cries, gets sucked into increasingly deep and fraught conversations with her about collateral damage and freedom fighter terrorism, calls her the “most individual, the most separate, the most real” DURING AN ARGUMENT, says he adores Elphaba’s looks IN THAT SAME ARGUMENT, doesn’t understand Elphaba’s “being born with a talent or an inclination for goodness is the aberration” comment because (implied) he sincerely believes Elphaba isn’t evil, changes his mind about the plight of the Animals all by himself but doesn’t mention it to Elphaba because he is afraid she would distance himself from him, buys scarves for both his wife and Elphaba even though only Elphaba likes scarves, is so concerned for Elphaba and her dangerous Lurlinemas Eve mission that he stalks her instead of staying at his club or just leaving town altogether, and is so worried about her that he returns to the aerie just to see her*

Also Book Fiyero: Am I in love with Elphaba?

[dirtytransmasc]

imagine if Aeron and Davos survived the burning of the mill and had to witness the merciless carnage of the Blackwoods against the Bracken's after Daemon orders Willem to turn the Bracken's to Daemon's side.

imagine them finding each other in the chaos. Davos cannot stand for it, because he loves Aeron, and these are Aeron's people, and they are but women and children, even if they're still Bracken's. they could be his aunt's or little cousins or even nieces or nephews. hurting his family feels wrong.

Aeron is angry, his people are being pillaged and tortured, women and children are going missing and being slaughtered in their homes, in their beds. his lovers kin is doing this, they're savaging his people for holding strong.

and then they find one another. Aeron is blazing with fury, even as the flames lick at and singe his still healing wounds. Davos, usually the one itching for a fight, for the spill of blood, looks pale at the scene around them.

Aeron throws a punch, not giving the Blackwood a chance to attack him and move onto the next victim, not able to see anything past the others red clothing and Blackwood sigil, but Davos catches it, hiking the other's hand gently.

"Babe killers, all of you, you- why are you doing this?" comes Aeron's agonized cry, unable to free his hand, choosing to swing with his non-dominant hand, aiming for Davos's chest. Davos lets him, before taking that one too. "you stoop so low to attack women in their beds, spill their and their children's blood on their very own sheets, steal our food, all because we had honor?"

he's teary eyed even as his face flushes with anger, his ears tinge bright red, his beautiful hair hanging in his face, in his eyes. his lips look like they're red from crying and biting. it's still torn, like the high of his cheek. he favors one leg over the other. he's still wounded from battle.

Davos can see that he is beautiful, even in a moment like this, and his kin are tarnishing that beauty.

"I'm sorry," is all he can say. he squeezes Aeron's hands in his own. "I'm sorry, I-" what does he say? what could he say? does he betray his house and apologize for their actions? would he even be believed? would that hurt Aeron's heart more?

he doesn't say anything else, not yet, just drops Aeron's hands so he can take his face, holding just tight enough that Aeron can't pull away. he doesn't kiss him, just looks in his eyes, lets their pain and fury wash over him.

"this is wrong!" Aeron cursed

"I know."

"can't you see it's wrong?"

"I do"

"why won't you stop them? why won't you make it stop?"

"I can't."

"can't? or won't?" his eyes were dark now.

"can't. if I stop them, try to stop them, they will put a blade in my heart, it will have been for nothing."

"then you're a coward." it felt like a punch. it was true. even if he could stop this, he wouldn't. he was afraid. he could not stand between his kin and the Bracken's.

"I am... but if it were the other way around, would you?"

Aeron sighed, the fight leaving him. he leaned into Davos, their foreheads coming together.

"no."

Davos was not angry at the answer - they were just boys and this was war. they were boys and their people had been fighting for longer than they could comprehend. they were just boys and they were afraid- instead, he just kissed him softly, praying no one would see them, or if they did, then they would just strike them down here where they stood, that they would let them die together, tangled into one.

"they had honor. they would not be forced to pledge for another simply because they were afraid of death. their honor was meant with depravity." Aeron whispers through tears now.

Davos nodded. they did have honor. more honor than his own kin had.

"I'm sorry."

Aeron didn't speak again, just held onto him, wrapping his arms around his back, taking hold of his cloak, balling it up in shaking fists. Davos moved to copy him, threading one hand into his soft hair, gently smoothing it with his thumb, and the other wrapping around his waist.

they stayed there. through the screams and the cries and the smell of smoke and the calls of animals being herded from their fields. they were together, two boys hiding in the forest as their houses slaughtered each other.

[bmpmp3]

sorry to be a bit of a hater but i do wish youtubers weren't so scared of making their videos just like, "reviews", whys everything gotta be a "video essay" all the time. every day my recommendations are filled with 40 minute videos titled "_____: An Underrated Masterpiece" where the first like five minutes are reading the wikipedia definition of "masterpiece" in a somber voice with dramatic themed text on screen. please just tell me how good or bad you think something is and use the rest of the runtime to explain why. you dont need to put on all these airs

[toxiccaves]

not as huge on this site but i need ppl to remember to not feed the trolls. If its that outlandish, leave it. Block and report. If you reply ANYTHING, at least try to be respectfully educational. Because these people are genuinly uneducated on the matter, and have been fed so much propaganda that they're somehow this self righteous without caring about their own rights at the same time.

Remain above them. Don't stoop to their level. If an attempt to educate turns into sealioning, leave. No more ratio wars for internet points. We either try to make a difference one person at a time, or not raise hateful voices or give them the engagement they're craving.

[randomtextxx]

dont mind [haha] me. just testing something out

silly

[mxtxfanatic]

Ngl, I’m actually pretty uncomfortable reading my old posts defending the goodness of the common people and their right to defend themselves—as persecuted groups or as individuals—from hierarchical tyranny, given how easily in this current irl moment a not-insignificant amount of people have fallen into supporting an active genocide, because I cannot separate this from how much pushback I got (and still sometimes get) for being consistent in my politics

[paddysol]

i just dont understand how kab thinks that killing mapicc will make a point/make him stop

[quillkiller]

Hi, I love your blog, and please I would love to see you talk more about Walburga, I always found her a very interesting character, but there's almost nothing about her

hi!! thank you!! 💞

i love walburga so much, i think she’s so interesting. i think people forget that she was a woman in the 70s, and a girl in the 60s. to be clear, i don’t think she’s a redeemable character, especially not as an adult, but i do still think she’s a victim. <- two things can be true and everything isn’t as simple as black and white.

she’s painted as the main villain of the noble and most ancient house of black, but people forget she’s a woman. in the seventies!!! realistically, walburga held no power what so ever, was married off to orion against her will, and under orions control. she gave orion sons and an heir and did her duties as a wife. she’s a victim turned abuser. <- she simply didn’t break the cycle of abuse, tale old as time, etc. she’s been powerless her entire life, so she takes it out on her children.

me and kara talked about walburga a bit when we started talking about the bellareg marriage, and like, in the grand scheme of things, walburga isn’t really anything. she’s such a small pawn in such a large game, a game ruled by powerful pureblood men. she was born a daughter, something to be dealt with and bartered with, and ends up at the hands of a husband like her father. <- i wrote a bit about this in my bellareg oneshot. me and kara said that we think bellatrix grew up idolizing walburga, because despite being small in the grand scheme of things, she can appear so scary and violent. but as bellatrix gets older she loses more and more respect for walburga. she realises that she really is just a submissive and obedient wife, on a tight leash held by her husband. walburga doesn’t have ambitions that stray outiside being a wife and producing an heir. like, at the end of the day, walburga really is just a wife and a mother.

walburga’s abuse is allowerd because orion is the one to allow it. he’s the puppet master, the only one with an actual say-so in his family and with his sons. i’ve said it before when i’ve talked about how walburga is treated like the Main Villain, but a silent man (of the house) will always scare me more than a wife ’acting out’. orion is a man, and it’s bonkers to me that people don’t recognize that he’s the main villain and main abuser in the black household. he’s literally a massively powerful pureblood man in the seventies and people want to act like he’s somehow scared of walburga ??? (<- a take ive seen multiple times lmao). like genuinely, WHAT is walburga going to do to him. she’s powerless in her own marriage. even a disowned sirius is more powerful than she’ll ever be. even regulus, the spare, is more powerful than she’ll ever be. because they’re men.

to sirius, she’s a monster. he’s simply not able to humanize her (to me), and nor should he have to. she quite genuinely is his abuser and his own devil, and i don’t think he necessarily recognizes that the main villain of his upbringing is his father. <- not that he doesn’t hate his father too and thinks of him as his abuser. but to me, walburga is his actual devil. his monster under the bed, more frequent im his nightmares than his father. and like, yeah. that’s so understandable, and i don’t think that’s like the wrong opinion of him to have lmao. it’s never up to the abused to forgive and/or understand his abuser. like i said at the very top, walburga is irredeemable. when she becomes an adult the abuse becomes a choice, and she didn’t break the cycle. <- i wrote a bit about this, and how shocked sirius is to see walburga as a person with feelings, in my grief microfic.

reg, however, is able to humanize his mother. me and kara talked briefly about the spare & wife parallells and how that’s why he’s able to see her as a person. laurie @/itsjaywalkers reblogged a post a million years ago that said something like ’i wish they would invent a mother who wants to be saved’ <- and that’s how regulus sees his mother, i think. regulus knows what it’s like to be powerless, to be a shadow, to be less. but his mother doesn’t want to be saved, and so regulus doesn’t want to be saved. i’ve always thought that sirius is more like orion and regulus is more like walburga. <- and that’s also why walburga loves sirius more, and why she can’t stand regulus. it’s also part of a lot of conflict between the black brothers, the fact that sirius can’t humanize walburga and regulus can’t help but humanize her.

anyway! yeah, walburga is irredeemable & and abuser but at the same time she’s also a victim. people can be, and often are, both. it doesn’t mean she should be forgiven. i’ve talked lots here on quillkiller dot tumblr dot com how much it infuriates me when abusers are painted as evil heartless monsters that simply can’t help it because its ’in their nature’ or because they were ’born evil’ <- that’s simply just not how people and/or abuse works. abusers are people who chose to do that to you, who have feelings and lives and relationships and a past. it’s never as simple as black or white ! there’s nuance everywhere, babey

[deargravity]

one of the many things that bothers me about goku luck is the fact that they have kenta (a minor) in a penitentiary full of adult convicts. where was the juvenile welfare officer and why are they not doing their job. hope they’re fired

[transmascutena]

thinking about how akio sees his younger self in utena and wondering if there's any fondness there. doesn't change the horror of what he does to her obviously but i do wonder

[st4rstudent]

i feel somewhat responsible for this, even if i’m not the one saying these things. I’m genuinely so sorry.

No need to apologize! It's not one singular person doing it and truth be told I don't think it's a large majority that thinks that (albeit the ones that do are quite vocal). I didn't mean to upset anyone or anything when complaining about it, I was just letting off some steam.

Having a yap session under the cut sorry I feel like rambling under your ask anon.

Admittedly, I do think there are reasonings for people thinking this way. A lot of the focus with Clash has been on the cogs, especially after the 1.3 update. Which I can't say I blame them! Managers were something new and exciting and (from what I can tell) really separated them from the other servers. I don't blame them for wanting to put focus on that because that was their thing. Alongside other things, but majorly when you hear Clash the managers are mentioned in someway shape or form. But as we all know, toons ended up taking the short stick from this. This isn't helped by the gameplay itself, being mainly a fetch-quest deal so you often only talk to npcs once or twice unless if they're repeated ones and the taskline wasn't entirely accessible on the wiki for a while (shoutout to the wiki maintainers. The taskline script is a savior). Which I'm quite excited to see if they deal with this issue with the rewrite. I imagine they will, but anyways. Social media posts would often contain more managers than toons, which I also believe they're starting to fix. And ontop of this, I believe most of the team in the early era of the sever is gone, so there's been some stuff lost in the change. So yeah, dialogue/writing has been kind of rocky. AGAIN- I am completely aware of the rewrite going on and I am not judging them harshly based off of their current state. I'm very appreciative of the fact that they took the time to listen and are focusing on trying to fix it up. And then there's also fandom mischaracterization- especially of the cogs. Forgive me for mentioning mischaracterization because normally I wouldn't really care (I've mischaracterized characters before..especially in my younger years. I think it's just a process of learning an having fun and I hate to limit anyone because of it). With that being said, there's a lot of baby-fying and coddling of the managers. Especially with those who have more 'sympathetic' stories (Misty, Chip, Winston specifically). Don't get me wrong, I like these characters and I can appreciate the story they're trying to tell, but I feel like so many people will hear their dialogue and then misplace their anger. People get mad at Bessie for trying to protect HER lighthouse or at the Elders for trying to keep YOTT safe (lets not forget Winston was there to brainwash toons). Yes, yes technically there would've been better ways to do it but consider this: The toons are scared. Their homes, stores, lives are being taken over by a big corporation that has more resources that they do. They don't have the privilege of waiting, seeing, and gathering. And then people forget that the company has such a huge role in both toons and cogs lives. If you're mad over the mistreatment of Misty or the fact that Winston is still in the dungeon, your anger should be directed at the company who doesn't care. I may be completely wrong in saying this, but I feel like the stories with almost all of the managers is a reflection of the company. The toons are only trying to protect themself and their environments and yet this seems to go forgotten when people start bashing them. And of course, I'd consider myself a toon guy so me saying all this and complaining may come off as "I HATE the cogs and everyone who posts only about them!" and for clarification that's not true. You all know how much I like that little brain thing. The cogs are interesting, their designs are fun, I don't blame people for liking them because I do too. I just wish that the thought process behind so many of these discussions wasn't so cog focused because I believe that this anger at the toons for, RIGHTFULLY, defending themselves helps push this mischaracterization of them as a whole. That they're mean, boring, unlikeable while the opposite is true. Yes there are some, what I'd consider, "filler" dialogue from the shopkeepers. This is just because of the gameplay. But there are some funny and cute moments with them if people would just listen and read.

Which also brings me into another point: people skip the dialogue. I've caught myself doing this before (on my first account. I have 4 accounts total, so I reread the dialogue on like 3 of them). But people will complain about lack of toon personalities while doing this. It's like reading through a comic book, only looking at the drawings, and then complaining because there "isn't a storyline". Luckily, there's been efforts to keep track of the dialogue on the wiki but I doubt a lot of people are going through and reading the entire script. It just feels very disingenuous to criticize the dialogue when you haven't even read it. Likewise, people don't seem to read the blogposts either. This is both from a dialogue aspect and from an update aspect (people continuously asking about hammerspace/mix-and-match under unrelated posts).

[crumpet-doodles]

[keeps-ache]

i have Thoughts

[red-dyed-sarumane]

hiiragi "i'm not good with words" magnetite who's written songs like kugutsu ashura where all the lyrics are words that sound very very similar AND all stay in the main theme of the song as well as rasshaina which is almost entirely word play not to say anything about how the tone of literally every series song is very deliberate & clearly showing a different character despite talking about the same events & circumstances and how series songs and nonseries songs are immediately clockable based on how things are talked about

[medicinemane]

I don't know... horrible things happen all around the world and it's not a competition

Atrocities are committed against multiple groups in multiple parts of the world at the exact same moment, and none of them erase each other. They all matter, all the people in this world who are being brutalized matter. There shouldn't be any line you draw where one group doesn't actually matter as much as another

You're welcome to prioritize your energy towards helping one group or another, but what's not ok is invalidating or dismissing people who are actively being harmed

Same goes for trying to figure out which social group has things worst (and lets be honest, always using a US lens)

Like... maybe the important thing is to prop each other up and help everyone get on their own feet rather than trying to... pick fights about if physical disabilities or mental illness are less respected (I'm trying to pick a more absurd example but sadly I've seen exactly that argument happen before). Maybe it doesn't really matter and what matters is helping who we can when we can

I'm tired of it, I'm just fucking tired of it. Support people, champion them when the world is just brutalizing them, but you don't need to throw a single other person under the bus to do that

Which seems to be an absolutely impossible lesson for people to learn