#like she is literally just saying words. she is pathetic and there is something wrong with her. And i love her
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pleasedontcareaboutme · 23 days ago
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i think i finally realized why ive been feeling so damn depressed lately again
sorry for writing this here. im really hurting actually. im not good. i feel a bit helpless too. idk who to talk to bc i dont want to burden anyons and i donf feel like anything could console me right now
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Like. fuck me man. thanks for saving me but. why the hell are you not here. i dont want to do this without you. i hate only being able to remember you. i was supposed to grow old with you, not without you.
And. honestly. even with all this bullshit i say here, all the endless times i spend trying to write down my feelings, abt you, about all the pain ive felt my life, it doesnt get better. not at all. and no words, no poetry takes it away and i truly feel like nobody will ever truly understand how suffocated i felt all my life.
and i want to change thanks to you but. i dont know. nothing's satisfying enough.
no matter what, i truly only feel great when im in that daydream like world you created.
and these past days ive been thinking a lot that. i really wouldnt mind dying right now. not at all. because at least i know what happiness feels like. and i want to stay in that state. probably, even in this life your music will bring me happiness, but i want to be trapped in it.
im tired of being so unseen, and even when im seen, im hurting. but i dont know whats hurting. i think im just really tired thats all.
and. ye. i feel brave tbh. i still havent posted my video to instagram, bc im not brave for that. i dont know. and i feel like a hypocrite bc everything is true that i wrote there but at the same time these are my thoughts currently
in a long while i looked up suicide methods again. i feel so hopeful, but im not really sure if really for the future. jm sorry this is probably alarming. i will probably not kill myself but. idk. im not sure actually. i dknt know what to say. i wasnt cut out for this wordly shit.i feel unlovable but even if im loved, i donf want to be. i dont want anything. just let me stsy in this quiet place snd just. disappear. i wouldnt want my family to hurt if i die but i wont know about it anyways. idk man. i feel strongly i could die calmly this time and thats nice. bc 6 years ago i was terrified, and hurt. but now im content and kind of ready idk man. its not a terrible feeling, its a "this is it, it was nice while it lasted" ig.
there are no clouds in my head actually. i truly dont feel like im thinking irrationally, i feel like this would just be like. the end goal i was looking for. to feel true love once. it was nice.
no goodbye yet bc idk how id kms even if i do. But ill tell u guys if i found something.
#you know it's funny#i still feel this way but the moment i wrote this#on tiktok one of my friends that was there for most of my times followed my secret tiktok account and#the friend that i lost last year checked my account and#i hope she fucking knows how much that means to me#because i always felt like she hstes me but i still deeply feel she cares abf me and silently looks out for me and i feel so sorry#bc in the past 4 days she has checked my account multiple times and idk man#i truly feel like she sees that im struggling i appreciate it a lot#but i could never tell her that because what if im wrong and also#i dont fit in that friendship anymore#but im still really greatful#for checking up on me even like this#*most of my life#noticed a typo#idk anyways i just really needed to scream this into the void. I didn't want to be so sad today. i just scrolled instagram to numb myself#all day. but i got off my phone it was terrible. idk. i feel im not sure i can get my shit together by monday#im sick of having to fall apart and build myself up every fucking day man. and each day i literally wake up telling myself affirmations#trying to convince myself that its oka#it will be okay at least when u are home at night. wait for that moment everyday but. im tired of waiting for night to be happy man.#i have 30 mins to either post that fuckin video and make a fool of myself bc i told myself i need to post it on the 19th. but idk man. Im#terrified it will only disappoint me. people will make fun of me. idk man. its not that funny is it. or is it? how pathetic i am for clingi#g to the only hope in my life like a fucking abandoned dog man. but what can i do. i dont want to depend on you so much. but then who shoul#i depend on? if i depend on myself im just gonna kill myself man.idk. my grief is getting worse day by day. i still practice guitar everyda#hoping that maybe you will come back or something will come back. maybe mywill to live will come back? maybe the Instrument will play a not#that I can depend on? i dont really know what im looking for thats the worst. living is uncomfortable and dark. even when im smiling with m#friends i feel lost.there's something i feel like they know and i dont. when they could name their favorite colors in kindergarten i alread#knew something was different abt me.its really isolating.not having a clue of who am i.i keep saying im finding myself more and more but tb#i still in a way like im always wearing a costume. i wonder how naked id have to be to find myself. sorry for word vomitting.it maybe helps#anyways acchan i miss you.this world feels really stale without you.i wish I could truly show how much I love you with my words or life but#i dont really think it makes a difference.my voice really doesnt matter that much in the end.maybe im too much
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sp1resong · 5 months ago
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pleasepleaseplease talk about your ocs i am so curious
OKAY SO
i have... four? ish? main oc stories/universe atm, not counting random fandom ocs i make on the side that aren't linked to any big overarching story
those four are Dr. Paradise's Theory of the Self, Tales of Godborn (<- title i am planning to change but do not yet have anything to change to), The Poison Beneath, and Onelight's Dawn. the latter two are warrior cats, and the former two are generic cat furries (...and both started as wc. Me when i got the warrior cats autism instead of the good at math or science autism)
im just going to go off about dptots because.Good lord. i am so infodumping. my hands would shrivel up and fall off if i wrote any more of this i hope you understand
DPTotS is a story about identity, personhood, and necromancy, i guess. at its bare basics.
um. The titular Dr. Willow "Will" Paradise (she/her) is a reclusive scientist and self-proclaimed alchemist. In her younger days, she found some manner of fame as "Miracle Worker Will", a so-called genius who claimed to be seeking immortality itself.
she very suddenly fell out of the public eye in what can only be described as "the identity crisis of a century" following which she threw herself into the sea to test a theory of hers. and promptly drowned to death. (she got better)
now with a bond to the Abyss (yeah the ocean is a whole entire eldritch horror in this universe), along with several new and unknown neuroses and complexes, Will shuts herself away in her lighthouse (for the most part! she still occasionally attends social events--but it's odd, her demeanor has changed entirely almost overnight...)
eventually she drops her titular Theory of the Self, which proclaims that identity is invariably a facade, and that true selfhood is guided by motivation; by which parts of your mind drive your choices.
she splits the Self [or; the abstract entity who is capable of making choices] into three distinct guiding factors:
the Heart [representing emotion]
the Mind [representing logic]
the Will [representing desire]
(...before you ask, i promise i am not lying when i say i wrote that part long before i even knew who chonny jash was)
though it is not a part of her in-universe theory, on a more meta level there is a fourth factor, the Mask, which represents the charade of a cohesive identity, or the urge to adhere to social norms and etiquette even when every other part of you is screaming against it.
anyways! wow there are. Actually three more main characters. good lord. i am the fucking infodumper
um! the other main characters are Doe (it/its), Alice Grey (she/her), and Dorian Winters (he/him).
Doe is... the sole inhabitant of the corpse of John Doe. John died of a stab wound in a back alley and Will stumbled upon his corpse some time later. She wasn't about to look a gift corpse in the mouth, bringing his body back and attempting to recreate the conditions of her own resurrection in the controlled environment of her lab. If this worked--why, she would have earned her title of Miracle Worker! she would have found the key to eternity, to conquer death itself--
and work it did, or so it seemed, at first.
truth is, Doe does not remember being John. perhaps it lost its memory as some consequence of the trauma of dying and being resurrected, or perhaps John's mind could not be saved at all, and another was constructed in its stead.
whether a broken John or a new soul entirely, it doesn't matter, really! because we have Doe now. Doe, identity issues connoisseur (in other news i fuckign hate spelling connoisseur why does french have so many god damn fucking letters in it. Spellcheck save me), who lives life as a failed copy, a dead man's shadow, a mere shard of what it should be. does it imagine the disappointment in will's gaze when it lingers on its eyes (bright blue; her same color. john's were amber)? is the face in the mirror truly its own? when it looks down, are those its hands by right?
it knows the answer, of course. or... 'know' is not the right word. it does not know anything. it feels. that is all it can do.
alice, meanwhile, is a Completely Normal Cat with an Ordinary Life--which is to say, her issues at the beginning of the story are fairly mundane in comparison to whatever the fuck is going on with the other two (this fact will change).
her in-laws dragged her to some fancy party, once. she did not have a good time at all, and just kind of stood uncomfortably in the corner the whole time until she was approached by an Odd Stranger dot dot dot... just kidding it's will fucking paradise. Will decides to spare alice from the woes of Standing There Awkwardly and strikes up a conversation. alice is nervous at first, but will is like. scarily good at figuring people out (and figuring out how to get other people to trust her as a result), and alice quickly becomes comfortable around her.
they become fast friends! alice learns more about will, while will hears of alice's assorted wiles and woes.
she wants a lot of things, but she's too nervous to get them. she doesn't like her family, she doesn't like the city, she doesn't like the life she is living, she feels like everything goes by too fast and she will never be able to do all she wants to with her time on this earth.
will is sympathetic, of course. she hears her out and offers a shoulder to cry on, and offers carefully-picked bits and pieces of her own history and struggles that alice might be able to relate to. until...
um. long story short will pushes alice off a cliff into the ocean, thereby granting her will's brand of quasi-immortality (she does not age, and she is very difficult to kill; so long as abyss doesn't decide to pull the plug, so to speak. which it can do at any time).
now, alice, who literally fucking died and had her soul pledged to an eldritch horror without her consent at the hands of someone she thought was her friend, is rightfully fucking pissed about this. and one thing about alice is that once she's gotten over her initial fear of rocking the boat she is stubborn.
alice swears revenge. she misses will, she hates will, she never wantts to see will again, she wants will to apologize, she doesn't know what to feel or think. this all hardens into one thought: will has to die. she has to. she has to.
um.Admittedly this part of the story is Way less planned out due to being fairly close to the ending, but whateverr
oh yeah also doe has a character arc where it learns to accept that it isn't John, and that it doesn't have to be John, and just being Doe is enough. also it befriends John's widowed husband. long story.
anyways! some shtuff happens (i'm not... sure what yet), the three of them are brought to the seafloor by abyss in a dream. btw theyre all associated with some small element of abyss's imagery because fuck you that's why (alice has tridents, will has ink, and doe has.I haven't decided yet).
now, in this dream-state these bits of imagery become more real--will's palms are ink-stained, doe... ...i'll figure it out, and, most importantly, alice gets an actual trident because.First of all haha chonny jash hyperfixation and second of all. she deserves a large stabbing weapon okay
alice proceeds to threaten will's life! and yet will... doesn't react at all. alice holds her trident to her throat and will looks back, unmoved, looking, if anything, slightly bored as she stares at her death. and alice all but begs will for a reaction, anything to bring some catharsis into this bloodshed, anything to make this all worth it. by the end of it, she's sobbing on the floor and will is looking down at her.
and will apologizes, and alice doesn't forgive her. and she cant bring herself to do it anymore. and nothing will ever be the same again
and then some more stuff happens idk i dont even know how the story ends it just exists as a Cluster of Scenes That I Want To Animate featuring the Guys (gender neutral)
...oh yeah. and dorian. i forgot about dorian. fuckin uhh. dorian is will's college friend and a former singer slash musician, who had the misfortune of becoming rather famous for his music. and now he's a public figure no matter what he does and he fucking hates it. but he'd never go up front and say he fucking hates it, of course. he is passive aggressive forever and ever and
will crashes on his couch sometimes, as the most Normal of her friend group, and by Most Normal i mean literally just the only one not involved with the horrors (very low bar)
anyways.
the story also functions as something of a... parable, i suppose, about will's titular theory! will represents the mind, doe represents the heart, alice represents the will (...yeah, the character named will isn't the will. lmao. look, this was a later addition. and, to be fair, if she were writing the story, im fairly certain she would do this on purpose), and dorian represents the mask.
...and the abyss represents The ocean is really really fucked up /silly
nah, abyss's position in the metaphor is Up To Interpretation tm. as i see it, theyre a vague representation of mental illness, but eh. the author is dead here.
tl;dr: if there were three guys at the bottom of the ocean and two of them tried to kill each other would that be fucked up or what
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2tarbell · 27 days ago
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omg omg, mean!rafe being so pussy drunk he begins to blabber praises to crybaby, who feels confused between loving and hating the big change, cuz even when she’s still being pounded into tears, she still just wants her rafey to be mean!! :c
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MEAN!RAFE + CRYBABY!READER ⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚
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rafey coming home from a looooong day of bein’ all rough and intimidating, his crybaby is there with issues of her own. pouty at whatever bullshit she decided was wrong that day. rafe is exhausted, completely worn out from the workload he’s dealing with. so he lets her yip like a little puppy at him, unaware of the boiling tension just under the surface of his icy gaze, until he can’t take it anymore, grabbing her throat and telling her what’s gonna happen next.
(“yeah? you wanna— wanna act like a big girl? upstairs. clothes off.”)
maybe it’s mean, maybe rude; crybaby doesn’t give two shits (if the glossy stain on her blue undies says anything).
that’s how she ends up bouncing breathlessly on his cock, choked sobs leaving her swollen lips each time she sinks down, “dad— daddy… sssshhhit…”
rafe is leaning back on the headboard, his hands rough against the supple skin of her hips. it’s all grunts and babbles of incoherent pleasure from the two — the sting from his mean words making her mind feel hazier & hazier.
“yeah, put that fuckin’ shit to use — c’mon, baby,” he mutters, blue eyes transfixed on the twist of her bottom half. watching with bated breath as she swallows his length easily, pussy so wet it’s sloppy.
but then she’s planting her palms on his abs and grinding her hips down, the drag so delicious and mind-numbing it makes rafe choke. his eyes roll back as the pressures of the day fading away until all that’s left is the warmth of her walls around him. her sniffles and broken moans make his length pulse.
his eyes roll back, body shuddering and large hands keeping her down on his cock, “fuck, slower…”
his slurred command shocked reader, expecting dirty words & scolds. but, always eager to please, she moves in deeper, slower grinds, eyes clenched shut in concentration to keep her rhythm. her efforts earn a buck from the man under her — gasps and growls falling from his mouth.
“yes, yes— fuck, atta girl… making this dick feel so good, baby.”
his hand trails up her body, grabbing her chin tenderly and directing her wet, low-lidded gaze back to him. suddenly he’s rolling her against him with more fervor, taking control of her hips with his arm wrapped fully around her waist. their foreheads are pressed together tightly, noses bumping with each drag.
rafe speaks lowly, voice almost in a drunken slur, “god, you’re so fuckin’ pretty. look at me… jesus, just—like—that…”
the sweet whisper of his words reach her ears and she feels pathetic when a pang shoots from her heart right to her core. more arousal gushed around him, feeling confused at the thump-thump in her pussy & heart.
crybaby was used to the mean daddy that punished her and literally spit in her mouth. but this version of her man — all soft and touching her with a sense of reverence — left her melting further into his guided movements.
“f-f-fuuck, daddy, gonna make me cum,” she whined, hands moving up to clutch his cheeks. she felt hot and tingly, furrowed brow as she tried to grasp her orgasm, approaching it.
“there you go, good fuckin’ girl— cream all over daddy, baby. lemme hear you cry—”
she sobbed as her body finally couldn’t take it anymore, tensing before shaking and trembling through her release. the clench of her walls around him make rafe hiccup, release sputtering into her awaiting core.
they both were a mess of sweat and tears, breathing like they’d just run a marathon as the adrenaline started to wear off. he runs his nails across her back and nuzzles his nose in her hairline, inhaling her unique sent.
the softness was a surprise but something she let herself fully enjoy! sometimes they both needed something sweeter <3
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beingsuneone · 1 year ago
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I BET You Think About Me
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SYNOPSIS: being Theo’s girlfriend is a dream… until you find out why he asked you out in the first place.
FANDOM: Harry Potter
PAIRING(S): Theodore Nott x fem!reader
RATING: PG
CHARACTERS MENTIONED: Enzo, Blaise, Draco, Mattheo, Pansy, Snape
GENRE/AU: Snape’s Daughter!Reader, Asks you out cause of a bet, kind of angsty, kind of fluffy, slytherin!reader
WORD COUNT: 2.6K
WARNINGS: swearing and kissing.
A/N: agh. It’s 3 in the morning. Enjoy. May have a tiny bit of pacing issues but it’s fine
DEDICATIONS: the polls who decided they wanted Theo while I decided I was gonna post Mattheo and Rhysand instead.
CREDITS: n/a
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…Six Months Ago….
——————————————————————————
“You can’t do it, Theo.” Draco says plainly. “If she’s anything like her father she won’t be able to feel that kind of emotion.”
Theo shakes his head. “She’s still a girl.”
Mattheo snorts, Enzo sputters. “That’s a bit sexist, Theo.” Enzo says, looking over at Y/n L/n.
She’s Severus Snape’s daughter and completely untouchable. Theo hasn’t seen a single guy going out with her in the whole six years they’d been at hogwarts.
That might be because of her father.
“Draco’s right.” Mattheo says. “She’ll never fall for you.”
“I’m gonna prove you guys wrong and you’re gonna owe me a shit ton of money for it.”
…. One Month Ago ….
——————————————————————————
Mattheo stares at you as you walks away. “Damn, I guess you were right.” Both him and Draco reach for their wallets but Theo waves them off.
“I don’t want it— any of it.” It felt for him wrong to take the money from the bet. Theo had fallen for you just as hard— if not harder— as you’d fallen for him.
Hell, Theo would kiss the ground you walked on if you asked him.
“What do you mean?” Blaise asks incredulously. “You won the bet.”
Theo furrows his eyebrows. “Whatever, I don’t want the money.”
They all stare at him.
One, two, three minutes of silence before Mattheo blurts out: “Oh my god. Theo fell for her.” He starts to laugh, and the other boy's eyes widen.
“Wow. That’s a little bit pathetic, Theo.” Draco teases.
Pansy slides in beside Blaise. “Wow. Famous playboy Theodore Nott fell for someone?” She snickers. “Who?”
Theo deadpans. “What do you mean who?” You are Pansy’s roommate after all, Pansy should better than anybody.
Her face falls. “You don’t mean y/n. do you?” Theo nods and she gives him an exasperated look. “Theo! You literally only dated her to win a bet!”
“Yeah, I know!” He retorts. A beat of silence, then, “I shouldn’t have done that.”
“You have to tell her.” Enzo cuts in. “If you truly like her, it isn’t something you can keep secret.”
Theo nods his head absentmindedly. “I know, I know. I’ll tell her soon.”
He didn’t want his new relationship to end before it ever began.
….Present….
——————————————————————————
Today, you woke up late, stubbed your toe on your bed and then spent the ten minutes you had to get ready looking for your damned potions book.
When you’d finally found it, threw on your uniform and got your hair into some sort of presentable, you rushed out your dorm and down the hallways as fast as your feet would take you.
Your class was on the opposite side of Hogwarts and you were already ten minutes late.
In your haste, you aren’t watching for other people in front of you and run straight into someone.
“I’m so sorry!” You exclaim frantically, picking up your books as she picks up hers.
She looks familiar but you don’t know her name.
“No, it’s okay— Oh.” Her faces twists into a scowl when she meets your gaze. “You’re Theo’s ‘Girlfriend’” she airquotes as she says ���girlfriend’, causing you to narrow your eyes at here.
You furrow your eyebrows. “Uhm, yeah, I am. Why did you say it like that?”
She crosses her arms. “Because you and I both know that he doesn’t actually like you. You’re not his girlfriend.”
“And who, exactly, are you?” You ask, annoyance settling in your chest.
She looks down at you, a cocky expression written on her face. “You should probably just stay away from him, you know that, right?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Really, he’s going to be mine so I don’t even know what you’re doing.” She waves you off, as if she truly believes this.
You shuffle your books around in your arms and shift your weight into your other leg. “You do know that you’re not his girlfriend, right?”
“Whatever.” She shrugs, and you still don’t know her name. “Doesn’t matter if he calls you his girlfriend, it’s not like you’re a threat anyway.”
What does she mean ‘not a threat’? You feel like that’s a sentence better used to describe her considering, you’re Theo’s actual girlfriend. “What is that supposed to mean?” You ask incredulously but still relatively calm.
She gives you a mock sympathetic expression. “Oh, Sweetheart,” She starts, taunting you with each syllable. “You didn’t really think someone like Theo would settle down for someone like you… do you? I mean, he’s all parties and good times and you’re… well, you can’t even dress yourself properly.”
She looks you up and down, from your half-untucked uniform shirt to your loose tie and your unwrinkled skirt. You’re not usually this messed up. “Clearly, I do, because he did.” You pause, sigh deeply and roll your eyes. “Why am I even entertaining this conversation?” You turn away from her, preparing to tune her out and walk away.
She tuts, shaking her head. “Because you obviously know you mean nothing to him— after all when your relationship starts with a bet, I don’t think it’s ever been super stable.”
This makes you stop and turn back to her. “A bet?” You say it slowly and the words taste awful on your tongue. “What bet?”
She scoffs-laughs and smiles evilly. “Oops, did I say too much?”
Theo chooses this moment to walk up behind the two of your . He slides his hand around my waist, letting it rest there as he stands beside me. “Are you okay? You’re super late.” He asks, looking you over. His eyes flit over to the girl who was talking to you and his nose scrunched. “Why are you talking to Tracey?”
Tracey, that’s her name.
I don’t think he likes her too much.
Tracey opens her mouth to respond but I cut her off and begin dragging Theo away. “I don’t even know, Theo, let’s go.”
I can feel Tracey’s glare until we’re well out of her line of sight.
Jealous.
……
You can’t get Tracey’s words out of your head. You know it was a tactic to rile you up and, you suppose, it worked but you had this horrible feeling that maybe she wasn’t lying.
Asking Theo about it though? That was hard; you didn’t want him to think you didn’t trust him but you also didn’t want to get upset before you knew whether it was true or not.
You decided to ask one or two other people before Theo. Pansy Parkinson, was first. She’s been your friend since first year but she hung out with Theo’s group long before you ever did.
“Hey, Pansy.” You say airily. She looks up at you and smiles.
The bed creaks as you fall down onto it and sigh. “Can I ask you a random question?” You ask, fidgeting with the corner of your blankets.
She looks up at you expectantly but also with a good deal of worry. “Yeah, of course; What’s up?”
She shifts in her spot at the end of her bed, turning her full attention to me.
“Did you ever… I don’t know,” you stop, trying to find the correct words. “Did you ever hear anything about Me, Theo and a bet? While you were, like, hanging out with them.”
Pansy looks down at your fidgeting fingers and then furrows her eyebrows. She thinks about it for a minute, and her face drops so slightly I almost don’t catch it. “Oh, y/n…” she trails off. “He didn’t tell you?”
Every muscle in your body locks up. “He didn’t tell me what?” You don’t think you really want the confirmation now that you know it’s coming.
Pansy stands and then sits down next to you and pulls you into her in a side hug. “When Theo started trying to get with you it was because of a bet.” She stops but you just gesture for her to continue. “… I wasn’t actively apart of this conversation so I only got the gist of it but I was there.”
“What was the bet.” You say, with your eyes hot and your throat restricted. Your tone makes it seem like it wasn’t a question.
“The boys bet him that he couldn’t make the next woman he saw fall in love with him by the end of the year.” She gives your a sad smile. “I guess the next woman was you.”
What. The. Fuck. You’re gonna kill him, because he obviously won that goddamn bet already. You give Pansy a quick squeeze and then stand up. “I need to go talk to him.”
Pansy nods and walks back to her own bed, waving bye as you walk through the door.
Your vision is a bit blurry and your hands are shaking with betrayal and anger as you storm away from the girl’s dorms and right through the common room to the boy’s dorms.
When you reach his door, you knock loudly, despite it being late.
Draco answers. He looks you up and down and then turns his back halfway to you. “Theo, your girlfriend is here.”
Theo appears a moment later, an easy smile and his piercing eyes that you want to love so badly right now. He gently moves you back a bit and steps out of the dorm. “Hey, Baby, what’s up?”
You shudder at the pet name and his face drops. “Oh, I don’t know, Theo.”
He pulls you to the other side of the hall and keeps his hands on your arms, comforting both yourself and him. “What’s wrong? Did somebody do something to you?”
The worry on his face seems so genuine, you almost want to believe the bet was a lie— but you’re not that stupid.
“Yeah, Theo, someone hurt me.” You pause. “It was you and your fucking bet.”
He freezes. “Shit. Who told you about that?”
You don’t want to— no, you can’t look in his eyes. “That girl, Tracey, and then Pansy filled in the finer details.” You’re arms are crossed now and he can’t hold you like he was before. “Is that seriously the only thing you care about right now— actually, obviously it would be because I’m just a bet, right?”
He opens his mouth to speak but you don’t let him. “Actually,” you continue. “I don’t want to hear it— just, have a good life, Theo. I’d say we’re over but I don’t think we really ever started to begin with.”
You walk away before you second-guess yourself and ignore as he calls your name. He doesn’t run after you, which you’re equally glad for and disappointed by.
God, you don’t think your heart has ever hurt this bad.
…..
You haven’t seen Theo in class for the whole week after you ‘broke up’; you’ve seen glimpses of him outside, always smoking, or eating in the Great Hall but it’s like he’s intentionally missing every class you have together.
He probably is.
He shouldn't have that right. You’re the one who gets to avoid him, he doesn’t get to avoid you.
You’re the one who got played like a violin and ended up battered and bruised.
You don’t see him for most of your days, but, when you do— when you look at him, his eyes are always already on you.
As a result the other Slytherin boys glance at you while he stares, because of how intensely he does so. You can feel his eyes burning holes into you at all times.
You try your best to ignore him as you stand to leave the Great Hall.
A boy stops you near the entrance, you think you recognize him. He’s the same year as you, and pretty nice as far as you know. His name is Lucas, you’re pretty sure.
“Hey.” Lucas says warmly. “How are you?”
He’s a bit close, and you’re sort of backed into the wall. You laugh awkwardly. “I’m alright, um, how are you?”
He smiles. “About the same,” he looks behind him and then back at you, same easy-going smile that isn’t easy the way Theo’s is. “Anyways, I was wondering… since you broke up with Nott, maybe you’d wanna go out sometime? With me?”
“She doesn’t.”
Lucas’s shoulders jump at the sound of Theo’s voice and he backs away from you and spins to look at Theo, whose standing there with a dangerous look on his face.
You glare at him. “Maybe I do want to.” It’s a challenge and Theo knows it.
Lucas sputters. “You know, I actually realized I’m busy, so…” he scrambles off after that you’re left with Theo.
You scowl at him. “Theo, what the fuck?”
“He’s not good enough for you.” He shrugs like he knows what’s good enough for you. Mr. Bet-Winner.
Your heart aches in your chest just looking at him. “And how would you know what’s good enough for me, Theo? because you sure as hell weren’t.”
He scowls now. “I treated you like you were a fucking princess, Y/n, all he would’ve done was treat you like a piece of ass.”
You huff. “A princess, Theo? None of it was even real!” You spin to walk away but Theo catches your wrist and pulls you back; he slips his other arm around your waist and pulls you right to his chest. Your faces almost touch.
Your breath hitches like the traitor that it is.
He pulls your hand up to rest on his chest, where his heart beats hard and erratically. “Does this feel fake to you?” Theo’s fingers dig lightly into your waist. “Do you honestly think that all of that— everything we said and did— meant nothing?”
His breath fans across your face.
Your whole body feels like it’s on fire, and he’s the ice bucket that can save you— but your pride and anger are like the fires of hell; irreparable.
“You took a bet to make me fall for you, Theo, and lucky for you, you won it. How much was I worth, huh?”
He replies almost instantly. “I didn’t take any money, Y/n.” Theo breathes deeply and you feel his chest rise and fall, forcing yours to do the same.
“You— what?” You can feel your resolve cracking, the hope leaking through that somehow you were wrong.
“Let me explain the full story.” He waits for you to give him confirmation; you nod and he continues. “Yes, it started with the bet, and yes, I had never planned for it to last. It was cruel and mean, and I’m sorry. But the thing is, I didn’t anticipate that I would end up falling in love with you right back.” The words feel like a kick to the heart.
“But, on the other hand, how could I not? You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen and you’re intelligent and funny, you laugh at all my stupid jokes. You love potions more than any other class and you’re really good at it too.” He stops. “Y/n, you’re perfect and I’m so, so sorry I never told you— or, even worse, that I did it in the first place.”
Your heart skips several beats. “Oh.”
“Oh?”
“Oh.” You’re at a loss for words.
He just looks you over, trying to assess what’s running through your mind like he always does. “Please forgive me, Y/n. I love you so much it hurts.”
You pull away from him and he reluctantly lets go, his shoulders sagging in defeat.
“You’re serious?” You ask quietly. “No bets this time? Nothing you haven’t told me?”
He shakes his head, giving you the saddest, puppy-dog look, unintentionally.
You’re silent for another long moment before, finally, you say: “you love me?”
Theo looks into your eyes. “God, yes.”
“Okay.” You say softly.
He straightens. “Okay, you’ll get back together with me or Okay, I don’t forgive you?”
You hold up one finger and he seems to understand because he pulls you back into him so quickly and presses his lips to mine; you kiss him back, and kind of stand there, kissing, for a long moment. Probably longer than you should’ve.
But you wish he never had to stop.
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All content belongs to @beingsuneone , do not repost, copy or post on other platforms without my permission.
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palajae · 2 months ago
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wrong place, wrong time.
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PAIRING... heeseung x doctor!reader | GENRE... fluff, romance, humor, mentions of hospitals, flirty heeseung | WC... 1kish
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“oh my god. he has to be a model. there’s no way-“
“maybe he’s famous…”
“should we ask him for a picture?”
you roll your eyes at the excited chatter coming from the nurses down the hall. who knew what they were gossiping about this time? shoving your hands in your coat pockets, you’re quite literally stopped by the sight of everyone crowded by the front desk.
you frown, taking in their lovestruck expressions. “what’s going on?”
one of the nurses, giselle, quickly squeals and runs over to whisper in your ear. 
“you won’t believe it, doc. the finest man just walked in. his condition seems alright so we’re all trying to figure out what he came in for.”
of course. you let out an exasperated sigh, watching in amusement as everyone fights to be the one to escort him to a room. 
out of pure curiosity, you decide to take a quick glimpse. exactly how handsome could this guy really be?
apparently, very. much. so. 
lee heeseung. early twenties. looks like a member of a famous boy band. has got everyone in close proximity wrapped around his finger.
also, a huge flirt (obviously.) 
the nurses love him, getting any and every chance to bat their eyelashes and flirt back. 
you, on the other hand? 
you’re sure you’ve become a pro at rejecting his advances. 
the first time he came in was for bloodwork. the second time, x-rays. the third time he was “feeling under the weather.” 
honestly, you’re wondering why he visited so often. if anything, most people avoided hospitals.
“hi, dr. y/l/n.”
your lips press together in a thin line. your eyes remain focused on the clipboard in front of you. you weren’t counting but this was, what? 
his fourth time checking in? 
“heeseung. you’re back…again. may i ask why you seem to love the hospital?”
he smirks teasingly, “or maybe why the hospital seems to love me?”
you can’t help but roll your eyes indiscreetly. 
he did it every time. of course, he was friendly with everyone. but heeseung just seemed to go the extra mile around you. 
“i think i ate something bad.”
you quirk an eyebrow, “oh really?”
“i don’t know, maybe it was something the chef cooked?” he responds cheekily. 
you let out a huff of air, one long enough that blows the baby hairs out of your face. “…what did you eat last night?”
“oh, it was delicious,” his eyes bore into you as he continues to ramble on.
“any pain, discomfort, bowel movements?” you interrupt, clicking your pen incessantly. 
“no, just the ache in my heart when you ignore me,” he clutches his chest playfully.
you look up at him with pursed lips. 
“you know what? i think you’re fine and it’s time for you to go.”
you guide heeseung to the front desk to drop him off, about to leave him in the hands of the receptionist. as you’re about to leave, you feel a hand wrap around your wrist. it’s subtle—under the table so no one else can see. 
your body stiffens for a moment, examining his face that holds an unreadable expression. when neither of you utter a single word, you gently pull your arm from his grip when someone calls for you. 
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winter’s mouth drops open. “you’re telling me he came back a fourth time? this must be a record.”
ningning nods excitedly, “i mean, there has to be a reason. who do you think he keeps coming back for?”
you almost choke on your water. “you’re saying-?”
she turns to you, eyebrows raised insistently. “there must be a certain someone that catches his eye here.”
“i wish it were me,” giselle sulks as her fork stabs into her food pathetically. 
winter frowns, “you know, he has been really clingy to you, doc.”
you swallow harshly. “huh?”
everyone begins to chime in accordance. 
“yeah, he always asks about you and what you’re doing.”
“he only gets check ups from you, too.”
you scoff, shaking your head slightly. “don’t remind me.”
the three of them pause for a short moment, before their expressions change. you feel fear and apprehension course through your veins. 
“do you not like him? is it because you think he’s so cute?”
“are you interested in him?” their wide eyes and questioning voices makes your mouth dry.
“now that i think about it… y/n’s the only one who doesn’t seem down bad for heeseung.”
you stammer, unable to form a response until your pager goes off. 
“ha-oh. well, that’s my cue!” 
you quickly make your escape in order to hide your flustered expression. 
after you finished your rounds later, you slump into your chair in the cafeteria. the sounds of the conversation from the table next to you drifts over to your ears. 
“do you think it’s because of me? i mean, he always greets me good morning with those dreamy eyes of his.”
your eye twitches. 
“don’t think you’re so special. heeseung waves goodbye to me every time.”
alright, enough of this. you stand up, chair clattering backwards quite loudly, and walk off. you’ve just made it to your office, opening the door, when you freeze.
“heeseung? what are you doing here?”
he immediately smiles from—your eyes narrow—your rolling chair. he rolls closer, a bit too close.
“why do you keep asking when you know the  answer already?”
for a moment, you keep your eyes locked. then you let your professional mode switch off. 
“you really need to stop coming, hee. people are getting ideas,” you chide gently with a ruffle of his hair.
he leans into your touch with a hum, “about you and me?”
you push his head away with a snort, “no. about you and them.” 
with a chuckle, he wraps his arms around your waist. “i’m sorry. i can’t help but miss my baby when you’re practically working all day.”
you soften, “i know. i’m sorry. but this is getting a little out of hand.”
suddenly heeseung gets up, moving closer towards you. “will a kiss make up for it?”
you pretend to think, tapping your foot thoughtfully, “maybe… depends on how good of a kiss.“
he quickly leans in, one arm snaking around your waist while the other cups your cheek. your eyes begin to close. as soon as you feel the ghost of his lips touch yours, the door slides open. 
“doc-“
you immediately push heeseung off of you, startled. and then proceed to shut the door in giselle’s face, quite literally. with panicked whispers, you manage to shove your boyfriend under the desk with a final shh!
about 0.3 seconds later, you slide the door open again. 
giselle stands there, gaping. 
“what was that?!”
“what was what?” you clear your throat nonchalantly, taking a look at your patient’s files. 
“you-he-“ she splutters, “heeseung!” 
“what are you talking about?”
“you’re the one heeseung keeps coming for?”
“doctor y/l/n?!”
you both freeze. the rest of the nurses look from you to giselle and back with shell shocked faces. 
you want to curl up into a ball. this is not how you wanted everyone to find out. given, you didn’t expect your loving boyfriend to visit out of the blue without any context. 
you smile sheepishly. “surprise?”
before you know it, a hand finds its way onto your shoulder. you almost jump before relaxing at the touch. 
“we-we thought- heeseung-“
you bite your lip, as heeseung chuckles. you wanted to keep your personal life and work life separate, but with your job getting so hectic the past couple weeks, you realized you had spent way more time at the hospital than at home. 
immediately, guilt runs through your body. heeseung had always been so sweet and understanding, and seeing him come visit your work really put things in perspective. 
how bad must’ve it been for him to have to go out of his way just to see you? while you kept brushing him off? 
you wrap an arm around his waist, hugging him closer. “guys, this is my boyfriend, heeseung—as most of you already know.”
he looks at you with surprise evident in his eyes. obviously, you weren’t the most open person. 
as everyone watches you two with jaws dropped, you squeeze his hand in hopes he understands. you’re lucky to have heeseung—the most empathetic person you know, because he presses a kiss to your temple. 
“i’m sorry,” you murmur, “no more running away and prioritizing work.”
everyone else in the room fades away as he truly looks you in the eye. 
“i know, baby. i know.”
as you both beam at each other, you’re assured in the love you feel together once more. 
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a/n ▸ jae posting two days in a row? that’s crazy
MAIN TAGLIST ▸ @precioussoulofmine @kynrki @heesterical @nvertheless @duolingofanaccount
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jennifercheckapologist · 11 months ago
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Playing House
Synopsis: literally just that scene from Jennifer's Body but hornier and with Ellie like I can't stress that this is just a hornier version of the scene from Jennifer's Body but badly written and hornier.
Warnings: not quite fingering, not quite grinding... a secret third thing ? mdni for... pretty obvious reasons; reader and Ellie are best friends (like Jennifer and Needy); Ellie's a little loser-ish but she figures out what she's doing; Ellie calls the reader mama... I don't wanna talk about it
Word Count: 673... I don't have much to say
On TLOU2 & Palestine
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“We can play mommy and daddy like we used to.”
Ellie feels like she can’t move. You’ve managed to pin her in place with one sentence, your eyes wide as you look up at her like she could break your heart if she answers wrong. It’s not fair at all; you look incredible- like you belong here.
Your skin is glowing as you sit up on your knees in her bed. It’s mesmerizing, and she can’t figure out what’s appropriate to look at when you look like this, eyes all low and legs exposed, “Is that my Evil Dead T-Shirt?”
She watched you closely as you nodded back at her, your teeth sinking into your bottom lip. You weren’t even trying to play fair. Her mouth felt so dry she wasn’t sure if she should speak again- especially when all she could think about was the two of you back in middle school, practicing kissing and playing House under the covers of her childhood bed. She could feel the heat rising in her cheeks, god, this was so embarrassing.
She attempted to wet her lips as you crawled toward the edge of her bed to touch her. You placed your hands on her shoulders and leaned in to whisper into her ear, “We used to have so much fun together.”
You were right. She’d felt every inch of you over the years, tasted so much of you back when you were just exploring. You were her best friend long before you were gushing about the boys at school. And you were all grown up now, just like her. God, you were so pretty she needed to touch you and here you were, practically begging for her.
It was almost as if she’d been waiting for permission all night, and now she’d gotten it. She placed a hand between your thighs, “Oh, mama, are you all wet for me?”
You nodded back at her, your mind already fuzzy. This was just what you needed and she was always so warm, the feeling of her touching you was already too much. You would do anything she wanted at this point; everything was for her.
Ellie took her other hand and took hold of your jaw, forcing you to shake your head no instead, “I don’t know if I believe you.”
It’s amazing. One second you were on your knees, pulling her in, and the next you’re on your back and at her mercy. She’s so pretty like this, with a little wrinkle in the middle of her forehead as she concentrates on spreading you open. She’s already glowing from her sweat, cheeks ruddy and full and her tongue peeking out of her mouth as she thinks of what to do with you.
Now you’re the pathetic one, but you can’t even find it in you to be embarrassed. Instead, you’re whining her name like she’ll take pity on you if you hit the right note. Your back hurts from how hard it’s arching off of the bed when she decides to show enough mercy to press the heel of her palm right where you need it. You could cry when she doesn’t pull away when you lift your hips to grind into it.
Instead she coos at you like she’s doing you a favor. It’s too much and not enough but she’s whispering to you like a promise, “I know, mama. I’m gonna take care of you, I promise.”
You want to call her a liar. You don’t feel very taken care of, but then her fingers are spreading you open and there’s no point in arguing when you’re so close. Now you’re babbling. Begging for something you can’t quite identify- anything really. You’d give anything to cum but she’s toying with you like the sound of her fingers spreading your wetness- making such a mess- isn’t pure torture.
“Could make you a real mama,” She takes her fingers into her mouth before she begins to practically chastise you, “but you have to be patient.”
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Housekeeping: I like never write smut or x reader fics, but I have needs and thoughts; this divider is from @saradika ; I believe @seattlesellie infected me with the "Ellie calling you mama" bug, but my memory is awful
sorry, God for writing this on Christmas Eve, tipsy a few hours before getting ready for a Candlelight service; I'm black and a femme lesbian and this is real Ellie focused so it doesn't matter, but it's my truth <3
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srjlvr · 2 months ago
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,, 10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT MY EX ’’
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JUST when you thought your life couldn’t get any worse after your biggest break up of the year, someone posted your (very) much hateful list about your ex.
PAIRING. Ex!jake X Ex-fem!Reader
GENRE. fluff(look at me putting this first in genre) , angst , exes to lovers.
WARNINGS. y/n is kind of a bitch towards jake ig, jake is a big big player, lots of miscommunications, also very much not proofread!! i shall add more if i missed something!
WORD-COUNT. 7.8k+
NOTE. there we go again with this story cover, im outta here, graphics and me are not friends UGH i gotta start paying for someone to actually do this for me smh. anyways!! everything here is FICTIONAL!! i do NOT see jake nor any of the characters like that in any way!! if you don’t like it—youre very welcomed to skip!!
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you thought you had your brightest future in your hands.
being an ace student, scoring A+ in all of your tests and winning the teacher’s favoritism, all of that while also being the most popular cheerleader of your school.
you’re literally living everyone’s dream, not only being a popular student, but also dating the most popular student who also happened to be your highschool’s basketball team leader, jake sim.
girls swoon for him, beg him to notice them, even go as far as to send him gifts that costs probably more than their own house, but no, his eyes search for one person and one person only, and that’d be you.
“i’m sorry, i can’t continue all of this”
“this? what do you mean—“
“i mean us, this relationship, i don’t think it’s going to work anymore”
“oh”
“that’s all you got to say?”
“do you expect me to cry and get on my knees, begging you to regret this?”
“what?”
“speechless now, are we? i’ve been waiting for this day”
denial was your best friend, and you might’ve realized it a bit too late.
you were hurt, fuck you wanted to break down and cry. but he doesn’t deserve to see that.
you ignored so many red flags in your relationship, you were lovesick and pathetic, all for him, it broke you apart. but you do not want to give him the satisfaction of seeing you cry.
“y/n…”
“i don’t want to hear it jake, i’m actually glad you took this step”
you’re not glad at all, you do love him.
“i wish you the best” he said quietly and left.
this whole relationship felt like a mistake for the both of you, it was toxic, too toxic.
like those you see on TV shows where the popular girl and guy just date for fame and nothing more, yeah, just like that.
but you loved each other, you really did. communication was your biggest enemy, and that’s what lead to this whole toxic relationship mess.
“what a fucking asshole! it hasn’t even been a month and he’s already all over the girls! pathetic”
“yeji!”
your best friend rolled her eyes, “am i wrong? he was always a player”
you shook your head.
she wasn’t totally wrong, even before you started dating he used to hold a different girl in his hands every other day.
big player indeed.
you on the other hand, no matter how popular you were, you stayed reserved. many boys tried their luck, but it was no use.
though being reserved, you didn’t mind the looks the other boys gave you, and took every chance you had to show yourself off.
therefore it was so surprising to everyone that you and jake started dating.
the biggest player and the reserved popular girl, dating? this had to be a joke.
the truth is that jake had been keeping his eyes on you for long, and he knew that he has to hold you in his arms and show you that a player like him can actually love.
at first it took him time to break down your walls, but he did his best to assure you that he’ll never let anything bad happen to you.
that was….well, until he decided to break things off.
“yeah, he was, once a player, always a player” you agreed with her, glancing at jake and rolling your eyes when noticing that the girl he was flirting with is having too much fun.
“let’s just go, i’m tired of watching those clowns” you sighed and walked away.
“y/n! i’m sorry you had to witness….well—“
“it’s okay sunghoon, really”
before you and yeji could walk too far, sunghoon stopped you.
sunghoon is jake’s best friend, you and him weren’t the best at making conversation while you and jake were still together, but when you broke up, something changed between the two of you.
“don’t mind him, he can be a total asshole sometimes”
“sometimes?” yeji chuckled and sunghoon nervously scratched his nape.
“thank you sunghoon, i’m fine though” you gave him a weak smile and walked away.
“well if there’s one thing that’s good about jake is that his best friend is smoking hot and totally into you!!” yeji clapped her hands.
you rolled your eyes in disbelief, “yeji i don’t think you get it, he’s just being nice because he feels bad about his best friend acting like a dickhead”
“oh y/n, i can read face expressions, he’d definitely ask you out if only things weren’t so difficult”
“don’t push it!”
“that’s the ONLY good thing about jake though, i feel bad for that walking red flag, he’s so bad at keeping his relationships”
“i should make a list of things that i hate about him and send it to every girl in school so they’d know they need to run away from him!” you joked.
“i’d definitely help you, i’m sure as hell that it’ll make his ugly face vanish” she was joking as well.
you both were joking, you knew it very well.
so how the hell did you find yourself sitting in your room desk, writing a list about the things you hate about your ex?
“one, he’s smoking hot, his visuals can mess up your mind” you’re writing everything down as you’re saying them out loud.
complimenting him on your first point? way to go girl!
“two, he’s a big fat player, once your date is over he’s already probably running to find his next” you rolled your eyes to this one.
not even a month passed and he’s already flirting with others? what a loser!
“three, so full of himself! it actually hurts to see a person who loves himself so much he could probably die!”
that one time he wouldn’t stop talking about how many girls asked him out in one night? yickes!
“four, so toxic and possessive! don’t want you around any guy while he walks around and talks with any girl he sees”
when he got jealous that you spoke with your childhood friend about the most random thing ever? disgusting!
“five, puts milk before cereal, i don’t even need to explain!”
a walking red flag or what?
after finishing the rest five points you had to make, you decided to call it a night and drifted away to dreamland.
“psst”
“hm?”
“i know we were joking about the hateful list yesterday, but i actually made it”
“what?!”
you put your hand over yeji’s mouth and giggled.
“it just felt so good! i feel so relieved now! i don’t even want to post it, but it just felt so right to just let everything out”
“so proud of you, girl! finally let it go and move on!!” she pat your shoulder and then proceeded to hug you.
“where did you hide that list?” she raised her brow.
“i just brought it with me today, i put it in my locker and i’ll probably burn it by the end of the day, i just wanted to show it to you first before i do it”
“now that’s my girl!”
yeji is the bestest friend you could’ve ever asked for. she was always there for you.
ever since you were little you were stuck like a glue, you had each other’s backs and you were more than thankful to have her in your life.
“hey y/n! i was just wondering, do you perhaps have notes for the last maths class? i missed it because of practice and i’d really like some help” sunghoon showed up with a grin.
“sure, they’re in my locker, i’ll bring it to you” you nodded and he shook his head.
“i’ll come with you”
“oh? okay”
he followed you to your locker and waited for you to give him the notes.
“what’s in this paper?” he asked as he looked at the very cute designed paper.
“oh? that’s nothing really” you shrugged it off and quickly closed your locker, “bring them back to me when you finish”
“i will, thank you!” he said and walked away.
you opened your locker again to take out the paper, you sighed heavily and shoved it into your bag.
“six, he can’t keep his promises! if he’ll ever tell you he’ll play some video games with you, don’t believe it!!” yeji read it out loud and laughed.
you laughed with her, suddenly finding this list so funny.
“seven, his puppy eyes are definitely misleading! he’s a one manipulative bitch and he won’t be afraid to use his cute puppy eyes!” she rolled her eyes, “is that a good or a bad thing?”
“bad thing obviously! it’s literally written there that he’s manipulative!”
“girls love puppy eyes! you should know that!” she preached and you rolled your eyes.
you spent the rest of your lunch break giggling and laughing about this stupid list.
“i’m returning this to my locker, i’ll burn it after practice today” you told her and she nodded.
“i need proof of that, video call me when you do it!” she said and sent you off to practice.
arriving at the field, you found your friends and practice started.
“hey, y/n!” as you were packing everything in your bag and exiting the dressing room, sunghoon, who was already there waiting for you called you.
“hey, you” you grinned.
“will you let me do the honor and walk you home today?” he asked ever so nicely.
“sure!” you smiled and began to walk with him, completely forgetting about the paper you had to burn.
“i can’t believe you forgot the paper in your locker! what if someone steals it?” yeji complained over the phone right after you texted her that you forgot about it.
“yeji! no one knows it’s there except you! it’s not ‘to all the boys i’ve loved before’ story! you can calm down” you sighed.
you were right though, who knows this locker holds up something that can completely ruin not only yours but also your ex’s image?
“i guess i’m gonna let this slide today, but i’m going to burn this paper with you tomorrow!”
“hm”
“how was your walk with sunghoon~?” she teased.
“it was cool, he’s such a cute guy, surprised that he’s still single honestly”
“i think we both know why”
“i’m gonna go sleep!” you changed the subject and before she could ask any more questions you hang up.
the next day you found yourself yet again a victim to yeji’s new gossips while trying to take out a few things from your locker.
“so as i was saying—are you even listening to me?” she looked at you while you looked at the mirror that was hanged in your locker and applied your lipstick on.
“hm? oh yeah”
“you’re a lost case”
“we’re gonna burn this paper today! and then i will finally be able to feel free from this relationship” you smiled, explaining to her that it was the only thing on your mind.
“you’re damn right! this hate list about jake is going to be burnt today!!”
“this hate list about who?”
you jumped hearing someone else’s voice behind you.
“oh! yena, didn’t see you here” you chuckled nervously.
“just here to tell you that coach said there’ll be another practice today, i came here privately because, you know, you’re too busy in other things to care” oh she’s a one of a kind bitch.
you gave her a sarcastic smile, “i already know that, but thank you”
she returned the fake smile and walked away.
“that was so close!”
“you should be more careful, this girl is just looking for something that’ll bring you down” yeji whispered and you nodded, “i guess you’re right, at least she didn’t really hear all of this”
school ended and so did your practice, yeji leaned on the wall next to your locker as you searched for the paper.
“i could’ve sworn i put it right there!!”
“y/n think!! maybe you put it in your bag?”
you handed her your bag for her to search it.
“oh! i found it! it was between those notebooks” you giggled, “but i could’ve sworn i put it under all of my books”
“at least you found it” she sighed and put her hand over your shoulder.
“let’s burn this bitch!”
looking at the little fire you made with yeji made you feel excited and mostly happy.
you let all your thoughts together with this paper to burn.
your relationship was toxic, but this time was the most beautiful time in your life.
you and jake really did love each other.
one time you were sitting together in the library, trying to study the new material your teacher gave you.
“what are you up to?” he asked.
“studying, that’s why we’re in the library” you smiled.
“that’s so boring!” he pout. you giggled and pecked his lips, “you can be on your phone or something until i finish”
“no” he shook his head, “i want to do something with you”
“jake—“
“let’s go! i’m taking you on a date!” he grabbed your hands and dragged you out.
you spent the rest of your day together, sharing a few snacks and joking around.
it was the perfect kdrama couple everyone dreams of.
you ended up sleeping at jake’s house that day, and he made sure you knew how much he loves you.
“i can see our future together,” he smiled and held your hands, “me, a famous basketball player and you, my pretty partner”
you were sitting right across him on his bed and raised a brow, “oh? so i get to do nothing?”
“i’ll make sure to work hard so you could rest and never work for your entire life” he hugged you and pecked your cheek.
“remember that promise, i’ll use that against you in the future” you joked.
“that means…..you too see a future for us?”
“of course”
he put his hand on your cheek and moved you closer to him, he kissed you so deeply you could feel his love to you was sincere.
that small flashback of this romantic moment made you smile, you really do miss him.
but a dark memory came right away, not leaving any place for the sweet memories to stay,
“oh so i didn’t pay attention for you for once and now you’re giving fuck eyes to my best friend?” he yelled.
“you’re such an idiot sometimes! sunghoon was actually kind enough to apologize on your behalf! you were basically embarrassing me in front of everyone!”
“so now sunghoon’s the hero? go to him then!”
“why are you so stup—“
“i don’t want to hear your complains, y/n!”
“oh really?—“
“yes! go away!”
thinking about those moments reminded you why you’re still here looking at the hateful list you made about him.
he was toxic, possessive, and full on narcissistic, it was so hard to love him sometimes.
yeji came up to hug you when she noticed a few tears streamed down your face.
“let it go now, you already proved yourself you don’t need him” she smiled and you nodded.
“let’s go home”
the next day felt a lot better than the others, the sun was shining brightly, birds were singing, a big smile was smeared all over your face and most importantly, you felt free.
“morning, y/n!”
“morning yeji! lunch is on me today”
“i look up to you so much, my queen” she faked a bow and you giggled.
the day is going to be amazing, and so are the other days! you’re so sure of it.
you decided to keep up with jake’s game and even started flirting with other guys, not even minding if your ex was watching or not.
usually you would, but not now, or never again.
“what’s your fucking problem?”
while talking to some guy you don’t even remember the name of, jake grabbed your wrist and stopped the conversation.
“what do you mean—“
“i mean flirting with him, he’s supposed to practice—“
“you don’t return from break for the next ten minutes, i can talk with him in the meantime” you rolled your eyes.
“coach said—“
“don’t make up things now and don’t act like you care, we’re already over”
“y/n—“
“don’t play this game with me now jake, you can return to your fangirls and leave us alone” you scoffed and released his hold on your wrist.
he rolled his eyes in annoyance and walked away.
“did you see the way he looked at you? i bet you my whole money that he still loves you” yeji sounded as annoyed as he was.
“be ready to go bankrupt because there’s no chance”
“this asshole thinks you’re still in a relationship, he’s sooooo pathetic!”
“yeji, let’s stop talking about him” you groaned and she nodded.
you were in a really good mood today but he totally just ruined it.
the next few days went by so fast, you felt happier by each day that comes by, and nothing could ruin your mood.
that was until today’s morning.
as soon as you stepped your foot in the school’s hallway, people started gossiping.
“y/n! about point five, does he really put his milk before cereal? that’s disgusting!” a random student just popped up and asked you that question straightforwardly.
“huh?”
a few more students gathered around you and you couldn’t even understand a bit of what they were saying.
“excuse me! coming through!” yeji yelled and pushed everyone aside.
when she noticed you in the middle of the circle, she grabbed your hand and dragged you away.
“are you crazy? why would you post the list?!” she asked frustratedly.
“what list?”
“don’t play dumb!”
“no i’m really serious, what are you talking about?”
she glanced up at you and showed you her phone.
“no way!” you gasped.
someone posted your list!
“yes way! are you that stupid?”
“yeji that wasn’t me! i would never do something so dumb!” you reasoned yourself.
right, why would you even post this if you knew it was going to ruin your reputation?
she sighed and walked back and forth.
“it wasn’t me either!” she said almost instantly.
“yeji, you’re the only one who knows about this list” you said suspectedly.
“y/n, do you really think i’d post this? after shit-talking about him and threatening to kill him multiple times?” she looked genuinely hurt.
you know her ever since you know yourself, she wouldn’t do such a thing.
“you’re right” you sighed.
“so,” she spoke, “who’s the asshole?”
“i wish i knew” you scoffed, “i’d like to know who wants to ruin my image”
there were a few seconds of silence, “yena!” you and yeji shouted together with wide eyes.
“this bitch!” yeji spat, “she probably heard us talking about it!”
“oh i’m gonna give her some good bea—“
you were cut off by the bell and had to head straight to class.
you waited for everyone to get in and told yeji you’d come right after you get to your locker and take your notes.
the hallway was empty and you sighed in relief.
“YOU!!” you heard someone shouting across the hallway.
guess it wasn’t so empty after all.
you looked at the person and found the last person you wanted to see.
“you ruined my life!” the person just got closer and closer and you closed your eyes tightly.
“is it because of our break up? that’s how you get back at me? you ruined everything!”
you sighed heavily.
“and what’s with those points? eight, he’s such a nerd for physics it actually hurts, he won’t stop talking about it all the time, nine, thinks his dog is the cutest and will argue you if you don’t think like him, and ten, he’ll use your deepest secrets against you, he cannot be trusted???” he read out the list for you in disbelief, although you already know it.
“those are all lies aren’t they? why did you even—“
“well what am i supposed to do now? it’s already posted, and no! these are not lies! they’re the truth, if you only cared about how i felt in our relationship you’d realize how much of a dick you were” you scoffed and closed your locker, prepared to go to class since you were already too late.
you glanced at jake one last time, he looked speechless, confused and hurt.
were you too much? maybe. but he deserves it.
“hey y/n! should i be careful if i want to date you? i don’t want a hateful list posted about me if i ever break up with you” a random student yelled from across the hall as you were busy talking with yeji.
you glared at him and decided not to reply.
“ignore them, this whole thing will probably vanish in a few days” yeji caressed your back and you sighed.
“i hope you’re right—“ before you could continue, a hand grabbed your wrist and pulled you away from yeji.
you looked at the person in charge and when you noticed it was very angry looking jake, you started panicking.
“hey, let me go!” you tried to let go of his hold but it was no use.
“why didn’t you delete it yet?” he asked angrily when you got into an isolated place.
“delete what?”
“are you that stupid?”
“obviously if i’m still talking to you”
“i’m talking about the post”
“it wasn’t me!” you argued.
“sure, and i’m actually queen elizabeth” he rolled his eyes, clearly not believing you.
“think about it, why would i ruin my reputation?”
“i don’t know, to get sunghoon’s attention? that’s all you ever did” he shrugged.
“you’re a piece of shit, you know that? try to figure who it was on your own” you spat and walked away, leaving him deep in thoughts.
“oh! there you ar— are you okay?” sunghoon who casually bumped into you noticed your frowned eyebrows and tightly closed fists.
“go to your friend, i think he needs you more than i do”
he slowly nodded, still worried about you but you just kept walking away.
“hey dude! what’s going on?” sunghoon noticed his friend’s weird behavior.
“sunghoon,” jake spoke, “who do you think posted it?”
sunghoon shrugged, “it could be anyone”
“who wants to destroy my image? do you think there’s someone that does?”
sunghoon looked at his friend in disbelief, does he really think only about himself now?
“maybe it was someone who wants to get back at y/n and not you? not everything revolves around you, you know”
ouch. truth hurts sometimes.
but it seemed to hit a nerve and jake suddenly got up.
“yena!”
“ugh! just when i thought my life got better without him now i have a huge scandal because of him” you whined.
“are you sure it was only because of him? i mean, you did leave it in your locker and…” yeji was about to continue but stopped when she noticed your glare.
“on who’s side are you?”
“every coin has two sides and you know it” she pressed her lips and you sighed.
maybe she’s right, instead of always blaming your ex about your life problems, you should face the truth sometimes.
“well if it isn’t the famous y/n!” you heard a voice you wished you’d never hear again.
“yena! it’s so good to see you here” you faked a smile, “what brings you here?”
“i study here” she answered sarcastically and you tried to resist the urge to punch her in the face.
“anyway, your list got so famous that everyone at school talks about it! i think you should thank whoever posted it”
“maybe i should! it really got me some fame, even your boyfriend came up to me today” you teased and her face turned red.
“you’re lying!”
“your boyfriend would say otherwise”
she scoffed and ran away, “tell him i agree to go on a date with him!” you shout as she walked away.
“you should go easy on her” yeji, who was there to witness everything that happened shook her head.
“it was her who posted it, she deserved it” you huffed and sped up your walk to the classroom.
your last class was finished after what felt like a year and as you got out you finally took a deep breath.
“i’ll see you tomorrow, try not to think about what happened today!” yeji sent you off and you smiled at her.
as soon as you stepped your foot in school you wished you could run away.
before anyone would notice you, you tried to sneak around and look for yeji.
“y/n!” god how much you hate universe.
“what do you want jake?” you answered rudely.
“just wanted to say thank you for that list,” he said sarcastically, “it’s not like you ruined my reputation or something like that, hey by the way! do you think i should make one too? i think that would be fun”
“don’t you dare” you groaned.
“then let’s date again”
“what?”
“are you deaf? i said let’s date again”
“what makes you think i’d actually do that?”
“well, we could lie to everyone that we tried to trick them into thinking that we hated each other to see how others will react” he shrugged, “think about it, it’ll save our image, plus you owe me”
“i owe you nothing”
“it’s because of you that we’re in this shitty situation!”
“you can just let it be and people will forget about it sooner or later, now let me go—“
he caught your wrist before you could leave.
“one week, one week of just pretending and then we’ll part our ways peacefully”
truth is, his idea didn’t ring so bad, but you were scared. you were scared you’d fall in love with him all over again.
“what is it, some fake dating love story? you can go fake date sunghoon and that’ll create a bigger scandal than this one” you shoved your hand and rolled your eyes while walking away.
a part of him just wanted to hold you back again in his arms, for real.
“hey jake!” sunghoon greeted him and jake gave him a weak smile.
“did you just talk with y/n? i thought you were angry with her?”
“i don’t know, sunghoon” he sighed, “i just want my old life back”
“yeah you kinda fucked up your life, hey why did you even break up with her in the first place?”
when sunghoon heard about your break up, he was the first to come up to jake and ask him about the reasons, only then he realized jake didn’t really want to speak about it at all.
but now jake felt ready, he felt like he needed someone to hear his side of the story, every coin has two sides right?
there they were, sitting in the field’s seats, looking at the empty space, it was just the two of them.
“when we first got together i was so happy, you already know how much i liked her that time, you even helped me planning all those dates” jake sighed.
“‘sunghoon how do you take someone on a date without telling them straightforward it’s a date?’ i remember you asking me those questions nonstop!” sunghoon laughed.
“yeah, i was on cloud nine, but,” jake paused, “i was scared to lose her, i was so scared to lose her to the point i became overly possessive and anxious when she was around other boys, i was so used to have a one time thing and i didn’t know how to keep relationships, it all became messed up, this whole relationship happened in the wrong time”
sunghoon pat his friend’s shoulder, feeling sad for him.
“each time i tried to fix it, it got worse and i didn’t know how to stop, so i just decided to break it off, it’s better to let her live her life than to stay selfish and keep her to myself” jake sighed yet again, emphasizing the disappointment he feels with himself.
“i actually wanted to say this for awhile, but deep down i know you’re insecure about yourself, and you tried to hide it by boosting your ego and lying to everyone about your true self” sunghoon chuckled, “you were some kind of an asshole before you started dating y/n, and even became more of an asshole after getting into a relationship, you should’ve just talked it out with y/n”
“well it’s too late now isn’t it? she made that very clear that she hates me by writing down that list” jake groaned.
“maybe you should just make one about her and ruin her chances to have any relationship in highschool as well” sunghoon shrugged but jake looked at him curiously.
“i was joking! don’t do that!”
“well? how are we feeling today?” yeji handed you your favorite snack to cheer your mood up.
“thinking about ways to kill yena, how about i poison her food?”
“how about you just talk it out with her?”
“not a chance! i can’t look at her face without fighting the urge to punch her”
“well it isn’t going to help you, is it?”
“no, but it’ll make me satisfied”
“maybe i should just accept his offer?” you murmured.
“offer? what offer?” yeji asked.
“promise me no matter what happens, you’ll never abandon me” you grabbed her shoulders and forced her to look at you straight in your eyes.
“have you gone mad? i—“
“promise me!”
“okay, okay!” she laughed, “you’re acting like you’re planning to get back with jake”
your silence told her everything.
“don’t you dare—“
“i have the perfect plan! you know how yena always wanted jake, right?”
“doesn’t she have a boyfriend—“
“boyfriend my ass, she was all over jake all the time”
“continue please”
“she probably posted my list to make sure i’ll never date him again, so she could have her chance,” you raised a brow, “by dating him i could only piss her off, but maybe that’d actually get her to confess about it”
“and then what?”
“then HER reputation would be ruined forever, boyfriend? gone, cheerleading? gone, friends? gone!”
“y/n,” yeji held your hand, “you’re so smart i feel like a proud mom!” she wiped her fake tears away.
later then you searched for a specific person you knew you’d find in the field.
“so,” the person said, “you actually agree?”
“jake, don’t make it harder than it already is” you rolled your eyes, trying to keep up with your cool girl energy, but deep down you were so excited to be close to him again and to hold him in your embrace.
“have you heard? jake and y/n are back!!” as you were walking towards your classroom you heard mumbling from other students.
“i literally just now agreed to this stupid idea how-“
“you know how fast rumor spread here, it’s actually scary”
your thoughts kept running through your mind all the way to lunch break, which was the only time you could ever relax and—
“attention please!” oh no.
“yes, me and y/n are back! this whole list thing? it was just to check everyone’s reaction about it! it’s so smart isn’t it? my sweet baby thought about this idea, and we did figure some weird actions after this whole thing blew up” jake dragged you right next to him and stared right into your eyes, “you’ll never break us apart”
cheers and claps were heard all over the hall and the only thing you thought about now is how to run away.
“congratulations! i was so scared it was real, was just now about to pay (student’s name) a hundred bucks, who lost the bet now huh loser?” one of the students came up to you with a wide smile.
you awkwardly smiled back as you set her off.
“did you really have to do that?” you glared at him.
“i did, see? now no one’s talking about it again” he shrugged.
“everyone stopped talking about it a day after! you’re just too busy thinking about yourself to notice your surroundings” you rolled your eyes.
“you agreed to do that, so be my guest, you knew there will be consequences”
“you’re the worst!”
“you don’t mean that”
you just rolled your eyes in return and stormed off.
“hey my sweet darling, how’s your day?”
“jake, we’re out of school, drop the acting”
you failed to notice his smile dropping.
“can’t i just be curious about your day?”
“jake, it’s weird, it’s been a while since we last talked or had a normal conversation, don’t act like nothing happened”
“what do you mean?”
“see you always does that! even when we were in a relationship! you fail to understand how badly you always hurt me and proceeded to just move on so fast, always running away from your problems”
he stopped his tracks as you continued walking away, this left a huge impact on him.
the next day you were back to acting, according to you, to jake it seemed very real.
you were sitting on one of the benches, casually talking with sunghoon about whatever.
jake seemed to notice every small detail about you.
the way you smile when he’s complimenting you, the way you crack at any of his jokes, even those who weren’t so funny.
you never laughed at his jokes.
“hey, can i steal my girlfriend?” jake sounded calm but his whole face screamed anger.
sunghoon, his best friend who had already recognized that face, slowly got up and smiled, “she’s all yours”
“hey, what was that?” you scoffed.
“you were being too close to him”
you rolled your eyes, “i can’t believe we’re back at it again”
“again?”
“yes, again! jake, get it right into your mind, we are not together! we’re just putting a small show for everyone’s entertainment and that’s it, it’s all about saving your ass here as well” you sounded really pissed off.
jake was taken a back for a few seconds but got right back to his senses, “oh”
“yes, oh! we’ll act like a couple when we’ll really need it” and with that you walked away.
“so,” you heard a devilish voice haunting you from behind as you were taking books out of your locker, “you and jake?”
“oh hey yena!” you smiled, “fancy seeing you here”
“answer my question” she furiously said.
“why are you curious? dropped your boyfriend because you thought you’d get a chance with him?” you smirked.
“oh! here’s my boyfriend!” you called jake who seemed to be very deep in thought.
he looked straight into your eye but decided to just walk away and ignore you completely.
“what the hell…” you cursed under your breath.
“boyfriend, huh?” yena was the one who’s smirking now, “well have fun!”
“what the hell was your problem back then?” you let yourself yell at him as you were out of school and on your way home.
“oh, i thought that we need to act like a couple when we really need it—“
“don’t play dumb right now!”
“i don’t get you y/n seriously! you’re always saying something but mean the exact opposite, what do you want, really?” he returned the attitude.
“what?”
“if you’re that suffering you should just go to sunghoon!”
“again with the sunghoon scandal—“
“yes, again with him! how come you never laughed at my jokes? how come you never smiled at any compliment i’ve given you? why did you always push me away when i tried to get closer?” the heated conversation turned into a quiet one, his tone made it very clear to you that he was hurting.
“w-what…” you whispered.
“you just don’t get it do you?” he chuckled, “my reason to being this jealous”
you stopped to think, all this time, all those arguments, he didn’t mean any bad at all.
“have you tried thinking about those beautiful moments we had? those were the most precious moments that ever happened in my entire life” you voice came quiet, “it was my first relationship ever, my first love, my first everything, i didn’t know how i should react, or what i should do in order to keep you to myself”
his glossy eyes were looking at you.
“you were so not used to doing ‘first time’ things that you failed to notice every little thing that i tried to do to keep us together, have you ever thought about that?” you preached, “i loved you, maybe i still do, but that won’t change anything, will it? it just doesn’t matter anymore”
he tried moving closer to you but stopped, “i-i’m sorry…”
“just go” you wiped the tears that were already streaming down your face.
both of you were hurting, but you didn’t know how to fix it all, it’s so stupid really, you think you’ve grown up to be a better person, but somehow communication puts on a wall that stops it all.
“have you heard? i think y/n and jake are over now, for real!”
“how the fuck did i became the hot topic again? and how come everyone knows about what happened yesterday?” you asked yeji.
“rumors, they spread so fast here” she shrugged and you rolled your eyes.
you watched jake pass you, you took the time to focus on his face.
his eyes seem so tried, puffy and hurt…. you thought.
“well someone had a rough day yesterday” yeji commented and you nodded slowly, still lost in thoughts.
“hey, can you let teacher know i have a meeting with coach today?”
“hm? but you don’t have any—“ “thank you!” you ran off quickly before she could ask any more questions.
“psst! sunghoon!” you whispered as you watched him getting ready for class.
“oh? y/n!” he smiled widely.
“come with me!” you grabbed his hand and dragged him outside the school building all the way to the back.
“y/n can we do this other time? class starts soon and—“
“shh!!” you put your finger over his lips and kneeled down with him, hiding from any teacher or student.
“i need you to help me” you gave him puppy eyes.
“yes of course, what happened?” he instantly asked.
“i’m gonna guess that you’re already aware of what happened yesterday”
“yeah, whatever that was i’d rather forget hearing about this”
“focus! i need you to help me figure out this!”
“what do you mean by ‘this’?”
“i mean everything! you’re his best friend, i’m sure you know about our whole relationship status, i-i just need to know why he broke up with me in the first place” you sighed.
“y/n, you’re not going to like what you’ll be hearing, are you sure you want that?” he genuinely asked.
you looked down to the ground and sighed, “yes, tell me everything please”
maybe asking him not to drop any detail was a mistake, because now after he told you everything and left you alone to get some time to think, you can’t help it but overthink about any step that you did.
“that only shows how bad you were for each other” sunghoon’s last words sent shivers down your spine, maybe he’s right.
“miscommunication sucks!” you laid back on the wall next to you, was this whole relationship a big mistake?
it did nothing but to hurt the both of you.
“there you are!” yeji sounded out of breath.
“so, jake might’ve gotten himself into a tiny fight and—“
“what? where!”
“it was right outside of our classroom but—“
before she could even finish her sentence you ran all the way back to your classroom and she after you.
“there’s no one here” you frowned, “you did this on purpose!”
“i tried to tell you he’s already in the nursery!” she yelled after trying to catch her breath.
“fill me up with information please” you asked quietly.
“you asshole!” as soon as you stepped into the nursery and saw jake laying down on one of the beds, a few tears came down your face.
“y/n! be careful he’s still recovering!” the nurse warned you from causing any more harm.
jake slowly opened his eyes and you scoffed, “fight? really? because of me?” you looked at him in disbelief.
he stayed silent, as if he knew what he did was wrong.
“you have nothing to say?”
“he called you a whore who likes to play with any boy that comes around, what did you expect me to do?” he sounded defensive.
“oh, i don’t know, maybe try to insult him with words and not physically! you got yourself into trouble now because of me” you complained.
“it was worth it” he smirked.
“jake, i’m being serious right now, you can’t act like we’re a couple when we’re absolutely not” as soon as you said this the nurse got the clue and went out of the room.
“that is exactly the problem!” he shout, “i can’t pass another day without you being by my side, you drive me crazy only by looking at me, and hell, i cannot look at any other man flirting with you without fighting the urge to punch him!”
“jake…” you whispered.
“i still love you, don’t you get it?…..i feel like i just can’t continue my day without holding you in my arms….” he held your hand.
you wiped the tears that continued to stream down your face, “you’re probably still suffering from concussion after the fight, i’ll go speak to the nurse”
you let go of his hold and walked out of the room.
a lot of thoughts were haunting your brain, how you wished things would be as simple as they sound.
he confessed to you and you love him, what’s stopping you from running into his arms?
“you’re just scared of giving whatever this was a second chance” yeji said as she took a bite of her food.
“whatever this was, it was toxic, i don’t want that to happen again” you sighed.
“yeah, it was pretty shitty to watch from the side, but i think he genuinely mean it this time” she took another bite from her food.
“how do you know that?”
“i mean really, ever since that list was posted he was around you 24/7, probably looking for excuses to be with you, that whole ‘oh we were just joking, we’re still dating’ thing was a dumb excuse for him to be next to you more, any nine years old can tell you that”
“you don’t have to be that harsh” you scoffed.
“i’m telling the truth babe, as much as i hated his guts, and still do, i think he was genuine about his feelings this time, and by the way you told me everything that happened, i think he really wants to fix it and try all over again” she shrugged.
“i….i don’t know what to say”
“just go and tell him yes already” she rolled her eyes and you nodded.
it’s time to fix your broken relationship.
you walked—ran back to the nursery only to find it empty.
“um…do you know where’s—“ “i saw him going to the field” the nurse answered before you could ask.
“thank you!” you smiled and walked excitedly to the field.
“i did it” you heard a familiar voice, “i posted that list”
before you could see who’s talking, you quickly hid behind a side wall.
“what?” you’re 100% certain this is jake’s voice, but who is he talking to?
“i thought this would finally break whatever you had going with her, i mean, you always had heart eyes for her even after your break up, it was making me sick”
“still, how could you do this to me?” jake sounded betrayed and…hurt.
“you had to move on, seriously, it was becoming unhealthy, i didn’t think it’d only bring you closer, it was such a mistake”
“please stop…”
“when you broke up i thought i’d finally have chance with her, but she was actually always looking your way, not even batting an eye at me”
“sunghoon just stop! i can’t believe my best friend would do this”
was it sunghoon this whole time?
“so it was you?” your thoughts voiced out.
“y-y/n?” you saw jake and sunghoon standing right in front of the other, sunghoon wore a shocked expression while jake just stood there looking completely hurt.
“what kind of an idiot would call himself a best friend? and to think you did all of that for what? to hurt not only him but me as well” you tched, “you’re nothing but an egoistic asshole”
“please just—“
“just go the fuck away! you did nothing but to hurt people, you’re disgusting me” you tried to shoo him but he didn’t budge.
“not going? okay then” you grabbed jake’s hand and walked away, not before shooting him an angry glare.
after a few minutes of walking you sat him down on one of the benches.
“you okay?” that was the first thing you asked.
“yeah, not like my best friend tried to sabotage me or anything” he chuckled.
“i’m sorry for that” you placed your hand on his shoulder, pressing it lightly, “he does not deserve to be called your best friend though”
he looked up to you and his eyes were filled with tears. you wiped the tears away and smiled at him.
“i don’t know if it’s going to help, but i didn’t feel anything for him, and never will”
he chuckled and sniffled, “i always trusted you, but i couldn’t find myself to trust him, i guess now i know why”
you rolled your eyes, “yeah, yeah you were right, i was wrong”
he gave you his infamous smile and the butterflies you felt never felt this good, “thank you” he said.
“for what?”
“for being there for me, and even if you don’t want to fix things right now, i think we might be—“
you shut him down by kissing his lips, he was shocked at first but quickly caught up, caging you in his arms and holding you tightly.
as you broke the kiss you smiled, “i do want to fix things, i want that more than anything”
“do you mean it? aren’t you afraid?”
“as long as i’m with you i have nothing to fear” you smiled.
“ugh! you’re back again? i can’t keep up with this anymore!” you heard an annoying voice.
“hey yena? fuck off” you flipped her off and she stormed away.
“since when did you become so confident?”
“ever since i realized i want to cherish and hold the most precious thing to me forever”
“i love you” he held your hand and kissed it, “i love you too” you replied with a quick peck on his lips.
“aww lovebirds, get back in class now the day’s not over yet!”
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PERM TAG-LIST ; @sungwhoonz @unlikelysublimekryptonite @deobiis @manooffline @miumiuoi @in-somnias-world @filmofhybe @wonbinsnovia @daegutowns @aurumiee @soobywon @firstclassjaylee @watamotee33 @moons-v @s00buwu @hoonheepretty @jjeoni-7 @dimplewonie
••• copyright © srjlvr all rights are reserved.
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kp-alice · 29 days ago
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Prove Her Wrong
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Summary: Yunho knew that what that stranger had said to him back then wasn't true. He quite literally had physical evidence to prove it. And yet, he couldn't help but think about her comment a little too often.
AKA a well-endowed-and-very-desperate!sub!Yunho x bored!dom!f!reader
Word count: 3 820
Warnings: small-dick humiliation, roleplaying (reader pretends to be bored and unsatisfied), degradation (but no name-calling), mid-scene checking in, just another case of me writing about pathetic Yunho because I can't help myself and definitely have issues
A/N: This fic is the third part of my sub!Yunho Kinktober 2024! The event's masterlist can be found here.
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"...and then she told me 'I have no right to act like an overcompensating asshole just because my dick is small'."
"Ouch," you hissed empathetically. "Yeah, I can definitely see how that would hurt for a while, even if she was totally wrong."
"That's uh, that's the thing," Yunho retorted nervously, shifting in his spot, "I kinda, well, liked it? I guess? Like- not because of her saying it, but because of what she said, you know?"
The silence between the two of you stretched to an uncomfortable degree, making Yunho chuckle nervously. "It's not too weird, is it?"
"Hmm, no, it's definitely weird," you concluded at last, eyebrows furrowed.
"...But I'd love to learn more about it."
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"Wait," you said, sitting up straight on the couch, "so I'm supposed to have sex with you, but like, act like your dick is small and it's not doing anything for me?"
Yunho's blush deepened at your words, curling into himself even further. "I mean, when you put it like that, it does sound really weird, I'm sorry."
"No, honey," you said, leaning over to place a comforting hand on his thigh, "I wasn't saying it to make fun of you, I just want to make sure I understand it all correctly so that I don't mess up when we eventually try it."
"We seriously don't have to, though," Yunho opposed, starting to backtrack now that the nerves had caught up to him again. "It really is quite odd, and the last thing I want to do is push your boundaries just to please me and my weird kinks."
You sighed. This wasn't the first time Yunho had gotten like this when it came to talking about his needs and wants. No matter how many times you'd try to reassure him that it's fine to ask for things, it always took just a short moment of uncertainty for him to begin retracting back into his shell. "Yu, I've already told you that I'm completely fine with trying it. Sure, it's not something I'd personally bring up, but I'm not opposed to it either. Who knows, maybe I'll also end up liking it? Either way, I'm really not pushing myself to do anything, nor am I planning to do so. Just trust me, okay?"
"Okay," Yunho finally conceded, giving you a small smile. His hand found yours on his thigh, grasping it gently. "Thank you."
"Anytime, love," you smiled back, rubbing your thumb against the back of his hand. "Now, how about you elaborate on your little fantasy a bit more, hm? I need to know all of what I'm going to do to you."
A shiver ran down Yunho's spine at the words, visible excitement lighting up his eyes.
"Oh, we're going to be here a while."
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After an open conversation or two with your boyfriend, you were finally ready to indulge him.
Yunho didn't want to set a specific date, though, feeling as though it would make the scene too staged and unnatural. So, instead, the two of you decided to just wait and use a non-verbal signal. If Yunho were to initiate sex while wearing a specific small blue bracelet, it was your sign to start the play if you felt up for it.
There were a couple false alarms of sorts, where Yunho would wear the bracelet the whole day, but would never actually gather the courage to initiate. You knew this was something that might happen, and yet you couldn't help the small twinge of disappointment whenever you went to bed with nothing from his side. You also suspect he might have worn it at least once just to tease you, but you didn't dare ask.
Then, it was your turn to decline a couple times. It wasn't payback for Yunho's nervousness in any way, obviously. It just so happened that the first two times when he'd tried to finally initiate, you were either not in the mood in general, or were up for something more soft and loving. And just as you had with him before, Yunho also completely understood your preferences, boundaries, and pace.
But then, one fateful night, things were finally put into motion.
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You were lounging on the couch, watching TV while mindlessly scrolling on your phone. Yunho wasn't home yet, having to stay at work longer than expected today. You wouldn't have to wait much more, however, as you heard the front door opening just a few moments later.
Already from the sound of his heavy footsteps trudging down the hallway, you could tell he was tired. Then, a small thud resonated through the living room, making you sit up and look behind you.
There, Yunho slouched against the doorway, pouty and puppy-eyed. His hair was disheveled, likely from running his hands through it countless times from all the extra stress today.
"Hey there, love," you said warmly, turning his pout into a small smile.
"Hey," he replied sluggishly before pushing himself upright again to take off his jacket.
Which, to your surprise, revealed the blue bracelet.
If Yunho noticed the interested twinkle in your eyes, he didn't show it. Instead, he turned around, walking back to the front door to hang his jacket up next to yours. Afterwards, he wordlessly disappeared into the bathroom, likely to freshen up a bit after the awfully long day.
"Are you hungry?" You asked, watching him walk back into the room a few minutes later. "There's some leftovers from dinner if you want."
Yunho just hummed in disagreement, the pout from before returning to his lips. "'m not hungry."
"What can I do for you, then? What do you need?" You questioned further, scooting back to give him some room to sit down.
To your surprise (not really), he ignored the space you'd made for him, choosing to dive right into your arms instead. You huffed as he lay down on top of you, burying his face in your chest and wrapping his arms around you.
"You," he finally muttered, squeezing you just a bit tighter in his hold.
"Me? What do you mean?" You asked back, pretending like you couldn't already feel the slightest pressure against your thigh. Did he really rile himself up just thinking about his fantasy on the way home?
"Babe, please," he pleaded, an embarrassed whine to his voice, "you know what I mean."
Usually, you'd be satisfied with just a bit of teasing. A moment of playfulness before you'd get to the main event. But today? Today you wanted- no, needed, to truly savor the moment, both for your and Yunho's sake.
"I really don't, honey," you feigned ignorance, running your fingers through his hair with a mischievous smile on your face. "I'm afraid you're gonna have to tell me yourself."
And judging by the deep red visible on his cheeks even with his face hidden, you knew it was working for him as well.
"I just- I really need you right now," Yunho said, voice already wavering from the delicious anxiousness of being so small before you. "Y-you know, like, to be... inside you."
You chuckled at that, jostling your boyfriend's head a bit with the movement. "Ah, of course. It hasn't even been two days since you've last gotten off and you already wanna go again, huh?"
Yunho just meekly nodded, trying to bury his head further into you.
"I mean, I don't blame you, honey, but what's in it for me?"
Your question wasn't too direct just yet, still giving him some leeway to stop in case he felt uncomfortable or not ready.
But, much to your amusement, Yunho made no such attempt.
"Oh! W-well, I'll make you feel good too, obviously!" He promised, lifting his head up to look at you with hopeful eyes. "I always do."
You let out a loud laugh at that, making his face twist in confusion. "What?! You can't be serious right now."
"Wait, what do you mean?" Yunho asked in a shaky, uncertain voice, but the twitch against your thigh betrayed his real feelings.
"You seriously think fucking that small dick of yours is doing anything for me?" You ridiculed him, eyes wide in disbelief. "Why do you think I always ask you to eat me out after you're done? Even that tongue of yours feels bigger in me."
Truth be told, it wasn't you who usually asked for oral. Whether during, before, or after having "proper" sex, it was mainly Yunho who'd turn to you with hopeful eyes and an eager smile. But there's nothing wrong with a bit of fact-twisting for the sake of roleplay, right?
Your slight uncertainty was immediately solved with a choked moan from Yunho, along with a stuttered thrust against your leg. You could feel all of him through his pants now, dragging up and down your thigh with just enough pressure.
"P-please, babe," Yunho began again, gaze blurring into something more distant yet content. "I'll do anything to please you afterwards, but I'm so hard I don't think I can wait any longer."
"Wait," you said in fake awe, "you're hard right now? I can't even feel you against me! Are you sure you can actually stay inside with that?"
"Fuck," Yunho whimpered at your words, brows tightly knit together, "you're way too good at this."
You chuckled at his admission, breaking your mocking persona for a moment. "I'm glad you think so, hun." Lifting a hand to caress his cheek, you made him look into your eyes. "You're still okay with all of this, right?"
Yunho immediately nodded at your question, eager to reassure you. "Yes, please. This is better than anything I've ever imagined."
Feeling an almost embarrassing level of pride at the praise, you resumed your role with newfound excitement.
"You know what?" You spoke up again, challenging him with your unwavering stare. "I'll let you have your fun."
Yunho didn't need anything beyond that, diving into the crook of your neck the second you finished your sentence. You couldn't help the gasp leaving your lips at the sensation, Yunho's precision at finding your sweet spot catching you way too off-guard.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you," Yunho muttered lovingly, letting his hands roam free alongside your curves while he rutted against your thigh again.
His movements were halted, however, when a sharp sting shot up his scalp from where your fingers tugged at his hair, pulling him away from your neck.
"But," you continued, suppressing a mean smile, "you have to make me cum first, since you're so confident in your abilities."
You could see all the eagerness fall from Yunho's face and morph into a look of nervousness and uncertainty. Normally, Yunho would have no problem making you cum whichever way you wanted, but now, he knew it wouldn't be so easy. Your eyes screamed determination, excited to see him slip up and embarrass himself even further.
"I- I, uh- yeah! Sure, of course," Yunho finally replied, though the confident facade he tried to put on broke rather quickly.
You sighed, feigning complete disinterest as if you already knew what the outcome would be anyway. "Fine, go ahead then. Let's see how much magic you can conjure up with that tiny dick."
The two seconds of silence that followed after your sentence were broken by a chuckle from Yunho, making you join in as well.
"I'm sorry," he said, "I know that was supposed to be hot - and it was, but it was also pretty funny."
"Shut up," you retorted, annoyed, though you couldn't hide your own amusement. Fighting back the shy blush on your cheeks, you continued, "and get back to work. You have a lot to prove right now."
"Yes, ma'am," Yunho muttered, re-focusing on the task at hand. He crawled backwards on the couch, giving him just enough space to take off your sweatpants and underwear, ignoring the damp spot in the middle. Seems like he wasn't the only one enjoying this.
He then removed his own pants and boxers, making you scoff. "Are you seriously so horny you can't even take off my shirt as well? You're so pathetic."
Yunho whined at the delicious sting of your words, crawling back up to settle between your legs. Just as he'd told you, he was already rock hard, pent-up from daydreaming about this exact scenario the whole day. Today was going to be the day, he just knew it. And now that it was actually happening, not to mention how you seemed to like it as well? He was almost shaking with excitement.
"Don't even bother with prep," you said unenthusiastically, reaching over to the coffee table to grab your phone again. "There's no need to prepare for something that small."
Yunho's movements stuttered for a second at your words, unsure of how to proceed. You usually liked it when he'd take his time and warm you up to his size, but now you were telling him to just skip it and go right to the main event. Well, guess he's going to have to trust your judgment.
"It's not even that small," Yunho tried to argue, fumbling with his erection to line himself up properly, "just wait, I'll show you how good I can make you feel."
You looked up from the phone in your hand (you couldn't really focus on anything on there, but pretended to be distracted anyways in the name of your role-playing session), trying to seem as unbothered as possible. "Yeah, yeah, all that big talk just to-"
Your words got caught in your throat as he finally began pushing in. You knew it was going to be a bit of a stretch, but those expectations were exceeded anyways. Taking a deep breath, you tried to relax as much as possible. As the resistance from your muscles began to fade, so did Yunho begin to breach even deeper.
"You good?" Yunho tentatively asked, visibly affected himself.
Unable to form words at the moment, you just nodded as confidently as you could.
After a few more tense seconds, Yunho was finally fully sheathed inside of you. He stayed like that for a while, looking into your eyes for a sign to start moving.
"So? How does it feel?" He asked, a playful smile on his lips at the way you were biting your bottom lip with furrowed brows.
As always, Yunho just couldn't help but be a brat and keep challenging your authority at the most random of times.
But, of course, you were having none of that.
Fighting back a wicked smile, you feigned confusion instead.
"What do you mean?" You asked, trying to sound as genuine as possible. "I'm still waiting for you to put it in."
It was almost impossible not to burst out laughing at the flustered look on Yunho's face. His eyes widened, flitting between your seemingly innocent face and down where you were already connected. "But- but I-"
"But what?" You challenged again, that annoyed edge to your tone from before returning. "Too scared to go through with it now? Just admit I'm right and save yourself the humiliation, seriously."
Yunho shook his head, the blush on his face spreading down to his neck and chest. "No, that's not- I mean, I- I'm already-"
"Already what? Not hard anymore? Got so anxious that that poor excuse of a dick fell asleep again? Not that it makes much of a difference, really."
Yunho's bottom lip trembled as he squeezed his eyes, stomach churning as the humiliation seeped even further in. It felt so awful to the point it felt exhilarating. He wanted to believe you couldn't feel him incessantly throbbing within you, but he was smarter than that.
"That's not what I meant!" He cried out, voice wobbling from the tightness in his chest. "I'm just- It's already in, okay?!"
A deafening silence filled the room, making Yunho want to curl up on himself. All of your attention was on him right now, boring into him with an intense, unreadable gaze.
And then you began laughing.
"Oh my god," you wheezed incredulously, gasping for air. Your body shook with your breaths, unintentionally squeezing around Yunho as well.
It was confusing, feeling the mix of incredible arousal along with insane shame. Yunho could feel his stomach tighten to the point of almost hurting, and yet it felt so good.
"Are you crying?" You gasped, marveling at the tears in his eyes threatening to spill over at any second. "You were so overconfident about that tiny dick of yours and look where it got you now. Crying because you can't even please a woman right. You're incredible."
That was the final straw.
Sobs echoed around the room as Yunho finally broke, letting the tears flow freely as he gave in to the humiliation. His arms gave out under him as he fell into your embrace again, wetting the pillow under you as he hid his face into it. He trembled in your hold in almost complete silence, safe for the occasional sniffles and an almost inaudible "fuck" whimpered into the cushion.
"You okay?" You whispered, tangling a hand into his hair to pet it softly.
Yunho quickly nodded in your hold before shuffling his head down into the crook of your neck again. "I'm gonna cum, oh my god."
You smiled fondly at his words, using his obstructed vision to relax your stern expression for just a second. "Aw, is that it? You've barely even put it in - or at least you say you did - and you're already gonna cum? What happened to our deal, huh? Are you that desperate you can't even wait for me to get off first?"
Just as expected, your words seemed to rile him up even further. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," he said in a strained voice. His hips began rutting against yours with zero rhythm, focused on chasing the pleasure your body and words had brought him. "I'm so pathetic I can't help it, please!"
You rolled your eyes, but the clenching of your own muscles around him betrayed your true thoughts on the situation. "Ugh, fine. Not like I expected anything better anyways. Just clean up after yourself when you're done, and maybe I'll let you make me cum after."
Yunho grinned down at you, wet cheeks shining in the light. "Thank you, oh god, thank you!"
You gasped as his pace quickened, rocking you up and down on the couch under him. Yunho's face showed nothing but absolute bliss, eyebrows furrowing and mouth hanging open as he got lost in the feeling of you.
"Fuck- I love you, I love you so much," Yunho suddenly groaned out, head hanging low as he tried to keep up with himself, "you're the best thing that's ever happened to me, I swear."
You chuckled at the confession, trying to keep your breathing somewhat steady yourself. "Just because I told you your dick is small? That's not difficult criteria to meet, don't you- ah! Don't you think?"
Yunho just moaned in response, head too stuffy to form proper responses anymore. However, the increasing pleasure coursing through him felt so overwhelming to the point he had to at least say something, and so he resorted to that which he knew best.
"Love you, love you so much, 'so good to me, treat me so well all the time," he rambled on and on, hiding his face in the crook of your neck before lifting his head up to breathe properly, only to then drop back down again. "You feel so- fuck! So good, I love you! Please, can I come? Please, I need to-"
"Come, honey," you spoke in a hushed yet clear voice, slipping your hands underneath his shirt to press him closer to your chest. "Did so well today, took everything I gave you and then some."
Yunho let out another sob at your words, overwhelmed with both the warmth of your body and your words. Clutching your hips and waist tight enough to bruise, he pushed into you two, three times before finally stilling inside of you. His back tensed as the endorphins hit him all at once, even clouding his vision for a moment.
You held your lover close as he slowly came down from his high, holding onto you for dear life. Your hands rubbed soothing circles into his back.
Just when you were starting to think he'd fallen asleep, Yunho spoke up again.
"Well, that was insane."
You chuckled, making him raise his head up to look at you. "In a good way or in a bad way?"
Quirking an eyebrow, he nodded down to your half-naked bodies, still connected together in the middle. "What do you think?"
"Yeah, yeah, I get it," you conceded. "I was just scared of accidentally hurting your feelings in the process, so I needed to ask for my own peace of mind."
"You could never hurt me with anything you'd said today," Yunho reassured you, bringing one of his hands up to cup your cheek. "Besides," he grinned, "like you said, I have quite a lot of evidence to prove none of what you told me is true."
That earned him an outraged slap on his arm, making him giggle mischievously. Nevertheless, it left the both of you smiling stupidly anyways.
"...Anyways, I have a favor to repay, don't I?" He asked in a husky voice, supporting himself against the couch cushions as he rose back up.
"Ah, you don't really have to," you replied shyly, suddenly reminded of the compromising position you were stuck in in front of him. "I mostly just said that as part of the scene, we can just go clean up in the shower like we usually do."
It was already too late, though, as Yunho began to slowly pull out of you, dropping down on his stomach right after to make sure you didn't make a mess on the couch.
"No, no, you were right," he disagreed, flashing you a devious smile as he disappeared between your legs.
"You already did your part, now let me do mine."
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taglist: @justconniez @domribo @another-random-fanfic-blog
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Thank you for reading! And remember, feedback is always very appreciated! <3
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frogchiro · 1 year ago
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HELLO LOVELIES!! due to popular demand I present to you this, a kinda 2 part to this baby. I wanted to thank you for the overwhelming love that little brain rot got so I'm writing something extra ^^ While this may not be a direct continuation it's set in the exact same universe and everything so you can read is as a stand alone another part of perverted nasty Ghost (and a guest!) or a continuation of other nasty shenanigans that Si would do to his little hacker girl :(
fem!reader, nsfw, nasty perv Ghost and a special guest, can be read as kinda dark? nothing hardcore it's just implied that Simon is terribly possessive bordering on obsessed and he has dark-ish tendencies so be careful!
That being said, nasty perv Ghost who's almost buzzing with barely repressed anger, almost snarling, teeth baring beneath his mask. He's standing on the sidelines of the mattress laid out on the gym floor as he watches Price go at you almost like a wild animal, grabbing and tossing you around like you're a rag doll, ultimately pinning you down to the floor with his massive body with your hand behind your back and laid out on your tummy, all tired out and panting with Price leaning down to your ear and growling something to you that made you let out a pathetic keen.
Simon didn't hear what the captain said to you but judging by your facial expression it must have been something suggestive; nasty and perverted and delivered in that deep growly rumble of Price's voice.
The blonde man knew that this whole 'compulsory hand to hand combat training' was a load of bullshit, it always was. It was organized a few times a year when the higher ups insisted and there was no way out. It was usually terribly boring, just a load of loud and sweaty men tumbling like beasts while screaming at each other and a few hot-shots who showed of like peacocks.
Except that this time there was a new addition to this mess, little old you. The new hacker of 141, the young lady who always dressed nicely, nails always manicured and smelling oh so deliciously with your perfumes. Since you're technically not a soldier Ghost thought that you'd be spared from the training but apparently he was very wrong and he hated it. He could see how flustered you were earlier, how small and soft you were in the presence of all these big hardened soldiers. He could see that you were nervous and he didn't exactly blame you therefore he decided that he would be the perfect match for you for training; it would be a win win situation!
He'd treat you as gently as he could so you wouldn't have bruises and aches from a rough treatment, and him on the other hand would have jerk off material for the next month. He could almost taste it, taste you. How he'd press you against him, how his big scarred hands would be able to run over your soft body all he wanted under the guise of training. How his big sweaty body would rub against you, his musk rubbing off on you and making you smell like him, like Ghost; a primal way of marking you. How he'd listen to all you little whines and mewls when he'd grab you too roughly and how you'd be able to feel his hard cock press against your ass as he mounted you from behind to press you into the exact position as you were now. Except it wasn't him who had you caged in his grip, it was fucking Price.
That fucker snatched you right from under his nose. Literally. Simon was just about to go up to you when suddenly Price appeared seemingly out of thin air and swooped it to basically tell you that you're gonna be his sparing partner, not even asking, he was stating a fact and since he was your captain you couldn't really say no right? :(
As John was leading you away from a growling Simon he could swear that the older man turned slightly to him and gave him a smug look that said 'better luck next time son, she's mine' and what made his teeth grit even more that he could perfectly hear these words in John's smooth growly drawl.
He's very well aware that Price has the hots for you, that dirty old pervert. He caught him looking at you more than once now, his gray blue eyes following you like a predator watching his prey, how whenever you stopped by his office to deliver some new intel or paperwork Price's voice suddenly dropped a few octaves into a deep, hot and enticing drawl that made you stutter and goosebumps appear on your skin. Also Simon heard Price going at it in his office, jerking off or doing god knows what and growling your name, or the occasional pair of your (stolen) panties peeking out from a drawer, the delicate pink material stained white with John's seed. His naturally possessive character getting amped up whenever you're with them on a mission or even in the same vicinity, any soldier who has the balls to talk or even flirt with you getting swiftly removed and ordered to run 30 laps around training grounds.
And now Ghost lost to that old perverted fuck and he will have to endure his smug commentary about how nice your soft body felt under him, how your delicious ass pressed against his cock and how you whimpered in confusion as you felt your captain grind against you and growl into your ear to 'be a good girl and get a feel of your captain, feel what will be breeding you later' and you couldn't help but whine and wiggle around a bit, you were so hot and so embarrassed, pinned under your captain with all those men watching you with heavy eyes :((
You soon stopped your wiggling and just laid there under the heavy man, his panting and growls rumbling against your back as you got a bit intoxicated on his heavy musky scent, pure masculinity and dominance oozing out of him and rubbing off on you.
You started to wonder if he'd truly keep his promise up and take you with him later, lock you in his bedroom and ravish you, breed you good with his babies :(
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lucystark12 · 3 months ago
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milevens are insane
warning now - i get extremely heated in this so if you're going to tell me to calm down leave. before any of you weird bitches tell me to go do something more productive or to touch grass- no. i'm fifteen, it's summer, and i'm a highly involved high school student. i'm not here because i have nothing better to do, i'm here because i understand good writing and am able to have hobbies ❤️
anyways
was on the mileven endgame hashtag just now and because i don't choose violence i wont be addressing any of them directly, but i will be addressing some of the ridiculous bullshit on there. term bullshit used intentionally
the love confession came as a result of mike "gaining the confidence" to tell el how much he loves her because he was afraid that he loved her more than she loved him.
are you listening to the words that are coming out of your mouth right now? i want to sit down and get a coffee with you and dissect what the fuck you meant by that. sure, right, yeah, he gained so much PRODUCTIVE confidence from his conversation he had with will where will was using eleven to mask his own feelings for mike. it makes so much sense narratively that this end all be all mileven event is sparked from will's feelings and not mikes! sure! right! this is such an idiotic piece of reasoning. you are literally saying that you are okay with your endgame ship only being endgame based on faulty communication and lies. are you joking? "you just gotta improve your motivation" ass piece of evidence
also, mike being insecure about loving her more than she loves him is complete, total, utter bullshit. el frequently expresses her love to mike via letters and youre here to say that mike would have any problem with doing the same thing if he were insecure about her love for him? that literally makes no sense. i wouldn't be afraid of loving somebody more than they love me if they are actively putting more effort into insuring me that they love me than i am to them. like, what does that even mean?
“Will Byers is a pathetic loser annoying character and contributed little to the plot of ST. "
yes that is a direct quote. no i'm not kidding.
what kind of fucking neanderthal watches stranger fucking things- a show about a kid who disappears- and thinks the kid who disappears isn't a central part of the narrative? the first episode of the goddamn show is called "the vanishing of will byers"! maybe this is hard for you and your confused brain to get your head around, but el and mike met when mike was out looking FOR WILL. mike and el are still together because mike gained courage from WILL'S LOVE FOR HIM. what a fucking idiot you must be. i would try to explain to you the myriad of other reasons why will is absolutely central to the plot of the show, but since the show itself has clearly gone in one ear and out the other, i probably wont be able to get through to you either.
“what if we learned to cope with world that doesn’t accept us as individuals by embracing each other completely?” said about mileven
um.. what. that's literally byler. closeted gay guys in the 80s. but sure, the ones that aren't being accepted are the two white and allegedly heterosexual individuals. the "world that doesn't accept us" in question is a few high school bullies in comparison with the stigmatization, violence, and ostracization that has longstanding been a part of what it means to be queer. be so serious right now. mileven is not important for being non conformist, the GAY SHIP IN THE 80S IS!!
“The only people who queerbaited, was byler fans themselves lmao.”
even if we're ignoring the horrible grammar there are still SO many things wrong with everything that was just said. what they're saying above for anybody who can't decipher the weird medieval english code this person is using is that bylers actively queerbaited themselves which inherently makes no sense at all.
below i have included the oxford dictionary definition of queerbaiting: "the incorporation of apparently gay characters or same-sex relationships into a film, television show, etc. as a means of appealing to gay and bisexual audiences while maintaining ambiguity about the characters' sexuality."
how is it possible that byler shippers themselves are the ones doing the queerbaiting? are we running the show? nope! before you come on and post something as offensive as this- which i will get into- at least make sure you know what you're saying. xoxo
to insinuate for even a second that mike wheeler not being gay would be anything other than deliberate queerbaiting is insane. there is something wrong with you. aside from the parts of the show where his queerness is deliberately alluded to like music, costuming, analogies, allegories, and set design, netflix has been, weather you like it or not, actively marketing in favor of byler and mike not being straight. all below come from official netflix accounts-
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how is this not queerbaiting? genuinely what are you on about. this is literally textbook.
“will is fruity but mike didn't like the fruit on his pizza”
you seriously are basing your argument about mike not being gay on him not liking fruit on pizza? you seriously think that some of the most commended and celebrated writers of the last decade would use symbolism involving a word that can literally be interpreted as a slur when their show has two characters who are canonically a part of the group affected said slur? are you fucking stupid? that was harmless banter used to communicate the differences in habitual action across the country. it wasn't the duffers trying to do for you what they do for us in deliberate, straightforward NON-OFFENSIVE symbolism.
i saw somebody claim that mike's character arc in season four was inherently about not believing in his self worth nor in his competency to be in a relationship with el
while i do for the most part agree with you, i'm going to ask you a question- mike was never anxious about his identity and self worth involving el before season four. why do you think that just came up now if not for the fact that he's been having insecurities involving his sexuality and romantic attraction to women as a whole? in my opinion, mike realized that he might not like girls in that way circa the end of season three- a realization that only festered and grew through the absence of not only the boy he loves that is causing this insecurity but the girl whom he is using as a way to say hey, i can't be gay, i have a girlfriend! mike was clearly going through some serious emotional struggles as we can immediately see in this scene with how suddenly awkward he is with will and the immediate emphasis that's put on the "from mike" on the flowers.
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i agree that his season four and part of his season five arc are about his feelings of insecurity about being in a relationship with el, however, i don't think he's insecure because he thinks she's better than him in the sense that she's some superhero, i think he thinks she's better than him because he knows that he'll never be able to love her the way she deserves to be loved. he's not going to outright come and say to will that he doesn't think that he can love her in the way she deserves to be loved. he's closeted. what he says in the van scene is the only way he knows to express his feelings. it's very similar to what will does in the same scene. it makes no sense for this insecurity to randomly manifest in him if it wasn't for an external factor that doesn't involve el, because nothing has really changed with the dynamic of their relationship other than the move. one could argue that mike is feeling insecure over el's supposed popularity she claims to have in her letters, but mike's arc has never been about caring about popularity in school. that's not something on his mind so much as the grand scheme of the world is. lets not forget that he joins hellfire in season four.
“When Mike didn’t say “I love you”, By*ers twisted it to their narrative. When Mike did say “I love you”, By*ers twisted it to their narrative.”
you literally sound like trump going on about the democrats. listen to what your saying right now. also, it's a ship name. there's no need to censor it you fucking weirdo.
wasted time building up mileven
i'm sorry, what build up? i'm confused. there's no "build up". THIS is build up:
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above is will, possessed by a monster who feeds off of those lacking love in their lives, only being able to be broken out of possession by a heartfelt monologue by the PERSON HE LOVES detailing how the best decision he ever made was to befriend him.
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above is will claiming he will never fall in love, then his love for one of the other main characters becomes a central plot point of the two seasons to come. joyce and i see through will and all of you weird milevens
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mike telling will how it's not his fault will doesn't like girls only after he loses the person he's been using to cover up his own insecurity about the same thing- not liking girls. suspicious.
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will's LOVE FOR MIKE being the thing to give him the confidence to help el SAVE THE WORLD, only episodes after we establish that mike is bound to be pissed that he was lied to. and theres no buildup? THERE'S REALLY NO BUILDUP?
if you don't see buildup i fear you are literally just a lost cause because it is so painfully obvious to anybody who made it past seventh grade english class that there is something deeper and more intimate than friendship going on between will byers and mike wheeler.
“Women can be independent while being in a relationship guys😭!!”
OBVIOUSLY! i am literally the biggest feminist on the entire western seaboard. i couldn't agree more with this, which is why we have arcs like nancy's where she actively becomes more independent while still maintaining a relationship with jonathan. the difference is that mike and el have been together since they were like thirteen. when el was immersed into the real world for the first time in season two she immediately leaned on mike for support in that. it's not that she can only be independent on her own, it's that mike is directly symbolic to her of a time when she was stumbling around the world with naivete and not quite knowing how to navigate that. by spreading her wings away from that relationship, it will not only give her independence, but also a way to see beyond the barriers of hawkins and a life where she was valued mostly for the qualities she brings to the supernatural equation. el's arc is one of my favorites. i would never claim such a thing and discredit the essence of what makes the emotions behind her character so interesting. she's somebody who was literally raised in a lab. she shouldn't be held back by somebody she is quite literally dependent on.
last but not least, i saw a post that said milevens always win.
"are you sure about that?" i ask, noah schnapp's most recent instagram post open on my phone, finn wolfhard's spotify playlist in my headphones, my mike holding will's painting funko on the desk in front of me, wearing a yellow shirt with a blue sweater over it.
thank u for listening to my ted talk 💙💛
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natlovesls2 · 1 month ago
Text
Stupid In Love
Logan Sargeant x Fem!Reader
*ੈ✩‧₊˚Word count: 5k
*ੈ✩‧₊˚Warnings: fluff, slight angst and arguments, reader is written as American but only mentioned a few times, brief use of one bed trope, possible grammatical errors, no use of y/n, switches pov and might not be obvious, a little rushed, swearing, alcohol, I'm American (I think that should be a warning 🤷‍♀️ ), American football, images used are not mine as are from pinterest, was written before Logans replacement =(
*ੈ✩‧₊˚Summary: Your sister invites you to her wedding, theres only one problem: you're single and your family has already been pressuring you about it. Logan offers to be your date, what can go wrong? or you and Logan being oblivious about your feeling for one another while fake dating
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‧₊˚ ✩°。⋆♡ ⋆˙⟡♡ ⋆˙⟡♡⋆。°✩˚₊‧₊˚ ✩°。⋆♡ ⋆˙⟡♡ ⋆˙⟡♡⋆。°✩˚
You’re unsure of how or why you fell in love with Logan, but you fell hard and fast– so fast that it made it impossible for you to catch yourself before it was too late. What you did know was that your feelings were not reciprocated. Despite what your shared friends said, Logan was not in love with you, and he definitely did not look at you as if you hung up the moon and the stars. Though you were an idiot when it came to love, there was only one thing worse than someone who is an idiot about love. That is an idiot in love, and that's what you were– stupidly in love. 
“My sister is getting married, and our parents have made it their mission to rub it in my face. They act like I’m pushing fifty– I’m only twenty fucking two that's not old,” you groaned, letting your body drop onto the couch in your living room. 
Logan watched you from across the room– face scrunching up at the mention of your parent's comments, “That's definitely not old, so what if you're not dating someone? There are more important things in life.”
“They think otherwise; they think that my life is a failure because I’ve never been in a serious relationship, or at least not one I considered serious– like that somehow defines me as a person,” the sound of rustling in the kitchen catching your attention, “Are you seriously eating without me?” you ask, instantly sitting up, looking in the direction of the kitchen.
“No.”
“You’re a horrible liar; you're literally talking with your mouth full right now.”
“Okay, okay, sorry. But seriously, what's so bad about your sister getting married? Besides the comments made by your parents?” Logan asked, handing you a french fry as you approached the kitchen. 
“Nothing is wrong; she just had the bright idea of giving me a plus one; can you believe her? That fucking cunt, she knows I’m a pathetic loser with no love life, and she still gave me a plus one,” you dramatically shove food into your mouth.
“She did not,” Logan said, letting out an overdramatic fake gasp before breaking into a fit of laughter– bending over slightly and holding onto his stomach. He was a good friend– a great one even, but now, as he stood there laughing, you couldn't help but feel annoyed. It wasn't annoyment because of the situation or the fact that he was laughing at the situation– no, you were annoyed at the fact that he looked so good doing it. 
“You’re an asshole; stop laughing at me,” you say, throwing a french fry at Logan from across your kitchen island, watching as he attempts to catch it with his mouth and failing miserably. Even something so minuscule as that action, something he usually did when you threw food at him, caught your attention. 
“It’s not the end of the world; it’s just a wedding,” Logan threw food back at you, his smile falling as he noticed your pensive stare. 
“Yeah, a wedding where I’ll be hounded about finding a boyfriend and potential husband,” you let your head fall against the kitchen counter, letting out a loud sigh, silently whispering to yourself– asking the universe what you had done wrong to deserve this fate.
“If you’re really worried about getting made fun of, I’ll go with you. I’ll pretend to be your boyfriend,” he said nonchalantly, and you felt him rest his head beside yours against the counter. You turn to face him, opening your eyes to meet his own, and you immediately notice he's smiling again. A soft smile that makes your stomach feel fuzzy– the type of fuzzy you probably shouldn't be feeling. You could almost feel yourself shifting your head towards his own, but it never moved. It was a good thing, though you couldn't help but feel frustrated with yourself. Logan was your friend– you could probably consider him your best friend, yet here you were, feeling like a fool. 
“Really? You’re not joking right now?” you asked, voice barely above a whisper, afraid that the tone of your voice would betray you and reveal your thoughts and feelings.
“Not joking, I’ll do it," he straightens himself, resting his elbow on the counter, tilting his head, waiting for your response.
“You’re an angel, Logan,” you jump from your position to wrap your arms around him, hugging him tightly– you're sure you're cutting off his air supply. Though he'd never complain, Logan had never been the type to complain when you hugged him too tightly. It was something you never understood about him, why he put up with so much of your bullshit– the sudden wedding invitation included.
“Only for you,” he hugged you back, though not as tight as you were hugging him, gently patting your back, “So when’s the wedding?”
“In a month.”
“Oh, wow… you could’ve told me sooner,” his voice full of shock and disbelief as he pried himself out of the hug to look at you.You couldn't help but feel disappointed at the lack of close physical contact– something you rarely felt. Whenever you ended a hug with Logan, you felt normal, as if it were any other hug. This felt different, a type of difference that you couldn't quite place. Maybe it was fear, or maybe you just didn't know the feeling– all you knew was that you were glad you would have time with him on this trip.
“Well, I sorta thought I’d have a date by now,” you said, voice dripping with melancholy and regret. For a while, the first three months since you got the invitation, to be exact, you had hoped and expected to find a date. You had come close to doing so, falling short every time, realizing that you had high standards that most men did not meet. But as you stared at Logan, you wondered if perhaps, this whole time, you had been waiting for him– not him in particular, but someone like him. 
“Okay, well, where is the wedding being held?”
“My parents' house, where we grew up. It's a ranch, nothing too crazy,” you could already imagine the fresh air of the property and the salty breeze of the nearby beach. The thought of relaxation quickly crashed by the topic of your current conversation– the wedding. Of course, there would be no relaxation during a wedding, especially not at your sister's wedding, where you would have to pretend to be dating your best friend. 
“So more of a family only with a few friends, type of wedding?”
“Exactly,” you took a bite of the food that had gone forgotten for a moment, “I owe you big time,” you assured Logan. It would be shitty of you if you didn't at least offer up the idea of being indebted to him– though, truthfully, you knew Logan would never hold this above you, let alone actually make you pay the debt. 
“Yeah, you do.”
⊹˚₊‧───────────‧₊˚⊹
The drive to your parent's house from the airport is quiet, the argument from before still lingering between you. You feel Logan’s eyes occasionally dart between you and the road. He lets out a deep sigh, pulling over at a shoulder, turning off the ignition, and turning to face you— his eyes examining you as you look straight ahead. You could sense his hesitation, but refused to acknowledge the situation, still mad at what he had done earlier. The road was eerily empty, and as the sun set, the approaching night seemed to set the mood for the current state of your friendship— cold and dimming. 
“This was a mistake,” you finally say, turning to look at Logan, watching as he shakes his head— dryly laughing at your words.
“This would’ve been fine if you had told me your family was still close to your ex,” you can tell he is attempting to keep a calm demeanor, voice tense with a slight shake. 
“I didn’t think it was important,” you feel frustrated with the situation, and your voice showed it. You had meant for it to sound that way– you weren't mad at Logan; you could never be mad at him... or maybe you were.
“You didn’t think it was important to tell your date that your ex-boyfriend will be there too?” his eyes wide with disbelief at the audacity of your statements. You, of course, felt as if he was exaggerating– making a big deal out of something as small as a family friendship.
“This is fake, Logan— this isn’t a real date. It’s not like I had an actual obligation to tell you!” you yelled at him, mind foggy– you weren't thinking straight, aggravated in the situation at hand, and annoyed with your sister more than anything. Though you could feel your anger and frustration with Logan rise. 
He goes quiet, jaw clenching and hand gripping the steering wheel to the point where his knuckles are turning white, as he angrily turns the car back on. You were unsure if you should break the silence, afraid to further escalate the situation. The tension only grew the further he drove and the closer you got to your childhood home.
"Look, I'm sorry for overreacting. I know we're not actually dating, but I want your family to like me," he finally says as you arrive at your destination, nervously running his hand through his hair. 
"Hmm."
"Please don't be mad," he placed his head against the steering wheel, mumbling to himself-- you couldn't quite hear all that he said. Though you caught something about being an idiot and always ruining everything. 
"I'm not mad, and I'm sure my family will love you; who wouldn't?"
⊹˚₊‧───────────‧₊˚⊹
“Jade, this is Logan; Logan, this is my sister, Jade,” you introduce Logan and your sister, awkwardly motioning between them. 
“Hi, it's nice to meet you,” Logan stretches out his hand for your sister to shake, but instead, he is pulled into a big hug.
“Nice to meet you too,” She pulls away from the hug, looking Logan up and down– smiling widely, “My god, sis, you didn’t tell me you were dating someone this good-looking.”
“Jade, don’t.”
“What? He’s hot,” she insists, looking him up and down-- causing you an overwhelming amount of embarrassment. 
“God, I am so sorry,” you quickly say to Logan; you wished the earth would open up at that moment and swallow you whole. Your sister had the tendency to embarrass you, constantly bringing up your past cringe moments. Like the time you stuffed your bra in middle school, and she, for some reason, brought it up a few years later in front of your prom date. It wasn't that she did it with some malicious intent; she just happened to have no grasp on boundaries and social cues.
“No, no, it's fine,” he said with a slightly amused smile, clearly enjoying your embarrassment. He always got a kick out of seeing you embarrassed, and you knew this would be something he teased you about later. 
“I haven’t seen you in so long; so much has changed since you’ve been gone,” she says, holding up her left hand to show off her ring with a wide smile. 
“Yeah, I know.”
“The old barn was turned into a little studio, so that’s where you two will be staying,” She leads you to the old barn, unlocking it and giving you a small tour. “Mom and Dad will be home later, but honestly, they probably won't bother you. Especially Dad, he's in a mood, but I’m sure Mom will drop by to say hello,” she says, standing near the front door, smiling at you and Logan, “There’s only one bed, so I’m sure you two will have fun, if you know what I mean,” violently winking at you. 
“Please ignore her; she's just trying to embarrass me– more than she already has,” you tell him, ushering your sister out of the studio. “Has she ever told you about that time in middle school when…” you quickly shut the door behind her before she can say anything and turn back to Logan, who is standing there with a small smile. You can't help but wonder why he's smiling or what he's smiling at. You can almost feel yourself smiling back– almost, but you stop yourself.
“Well I like your family so far.”
“You've only met my sister.”
“Yeah, but she’s fun,” he says, following you into the small kitchen, leaning against the door frame. 
“Whatever, you say. I was thinking I'll take the couch and you take the bed.”
“No way, there is no way my fake girlfriend, but very real best friend, is sleeping on the couch,” he protests, pushing himself off of the door frame to stand besides you as you rummage through the refrigerator. 
“Well, I won’t allow my guest to sleep on the couch.”
“We can share the bed, just put a pillow barrier between us.”
“Pillow barrier? What are we twelve?” you scoff, turning to look at Logan, eyebrows raised in exasperation. 
“Right, so I’ll take the couch.”
“You are not sleeping on the couch, Logan!” voice raised as your frustration with the situation continues to grow.
“Alright, I’ll sleep on the floor if that's what you want,” he said, attempting to hold back a smile, voice dripping with sarcasm.
“You’re being difficult on purpose.”
“Then lets share the bed”
“Fine!” you finally give in, knowing that there was no winning against Logan and you'd much rather save your sanity. 
“Okay, well, I’m going to shower; do you need to use the bathroom?”
“No, but I’ll make us lunch.”
“Alright, thank you,” he said, hesitating as if he wanted to say something else before walking out of the kitchen and towards the bathroom. 
⊹˚₊‧───────────‧₊˚⊹
“What are you doing?”
“Putting up the pillow barrier”
“I thought you said we weren’t twelve?” he asked with a teasing smile. You stared at him blankly, unsure if how to respond, watching as he lay on the left side of bed. “Come on, just lay down already,” he removed the pillow barrier, hugging one of the pillows as he patted the empty spot on the bed. 
Hesitantly you laid on your spot, turning to look at him, “You’re so weird.”
Logan let out a chuckle, “Yeah, but you love me,” he whispered, tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear. 
“Yeah,” you responded, closing your eyes– and you truly did mean it, you loved him. 
⊹˚₊‧───────────‧₊˚⊹
You expected the rehearsal dinner to make you uncomfortable, but you weren't fully prepared– hoping it would pass like a blur you wouldn’t remember. That, of course, had been foolish-- as you stood in front of the mirror looking at yourself, you couldn't help but feel the oncoming dread. 
“What's wrong?” Logan asks, coming to stand beside you, carefully fixing his shirt in the reflection, “You look like you'll throw up at any moment.”
Your expression is blank, lips shut tight and unmoving despite having been asked a question. It felt as if you were unable to speak, afraid to open your mouth and vomit before having anything to eat or drink, “I just… I’m nervous,” you play with the hem of your dress, flattening the bottom of it and using it as an excuse to wipe away the clamminess of your hands. 
“You look beautiful. I’m sure everything will go smoothly, and I’ll be by your side the whole time, I promise,” he whispers, wrapping his arms around you and resting his chin on the top of your head, placing a small kiss on your forehead.
⊹˚₊‧───────────‧₊˚⊹
You stood at the edge of the rehearsal dinner event, Logan by your side, as you watched the people around you socialize. In the center of the backyard was a long table with plates and glasses. Family from both sides and close friends are scattered around the yard as your sister and her fiance make their way around the place, speaking to everyone. 
“I’m glad you finally have someone in your life, little Jade,” your sister's fiance, Mark, commented as they approached you and Logan. “Jade told me all about you, and I’m not going to lie, I googled you,” he laughed, patting Logan on the back in a friendly manner as if they were old friends. 
“Find anything interesting?” Logan asks with an intrigued smile on his face. You're relieved that he isn't absolutely weirded out about being googled.
“Just the usual, that you're from Florida– and that's just rubbing me the wrong way. I also read that you're a Dolphins fan, and I’m a Niners fan sooo...”
“I think we can put football behind us,” Logan laughs lightly; you can't help but admire his laugh. It's the type of laugh that brings a smile to your face and warms your heart.
“Oh, definitely; I think you and I will be great friends. We’re practically family now; you better not break my sister-in-law's heart. I’m watching you, carboy,” he warns, doing the ‘I’m watching you’ hand motion as he walks off with your sister. 
“He seems nice,” Logan says with a small smile, subconsciously wrapping his arm around your shoulder, “Wait, did he call me carboy?” he asks, turning to look in the direction they had just left. 
“Yeah he did, he’s something, but he definitely likes you,” You smile up at him— your smile growing wider as you notice your father approaching the both of you. 
“Papa, this is–”
“I’m Logan, her boyfriend,” he interrupts you, stretching out his hand to shake your father's hand. 
Your father looked Logan up and down, analyzing the way he dressed, what he said, and especially how he held himself. He ignores Logan's outstretched hand, brows furrowing as he turns to look at you with a stern look. Your smile falters as you watch Logan's hand fall back to his side, and your father walks away from your conversation. 
“That went well,” Logan's voice was filled with sarcasm as he watched your father approach a young man your age, “Who is he talking to?”
“Hm?” you turn in the direction your father left in, body tensing as you see who he is currently conversing with. Micheal, your ex-boyfriend of three years– the guy your parents so desperately wanted you to get back together with. The guy you had thought you would marry and eventually have kids with. “That's THE ex-boyfriend.”
Logan scoffs, your father's sudden coldness making sense; he was the outsider causing the rift between you and the man your father wanted to see you with. You had hoped he would be accepting of Logan; he was usually a wholehearted person– the type to treat someone as if they had known each other their whole life. This was something you had always loved and admired about him, though the way he was acting today was the exact opposite of that. 
“Don’t think too much into it; let's just focus on what we have to do. We can talk to other people; my mom loves you.”
“Yeah, but your dad is definitely still in love with your ex. What are you going to do when you bring a real boyfriend to meet your dad?”
“I haven’t thought of that… oh god, don’t turn,” your warning goes unheard as Logan turns to see your ex-boyfriend walking towards the both of you. 
“So you're my replacement,” Michael rolled his eyes at Logan, face full of disgust, as if he was above Logan. 
“Nice to meet you; I’m Logan,” Logan straightened his back, clearly attempting to show Michael that he was not intimidated by him.
“Where'd you find him anyway?” Michael asks you, refusing to acknowledge Logan, let alone look at him. 
“That's really none of your business.”
He looked Logan up and down, as your father had, scoffing at Logan– as if he were better than Logan. You knew this was what he was thinking; he had always had a superiority complex during your relationship. Constantly reminding you that he would always be the best you could have. It was one of, if not the main reason you had decided to break up with him. However, he had charmed your family– your father, in particular, was in love with him.
“You don’t have to be such a bitch about it, baby,” Michael took a step forward, attempting to get closer to you.
“Don’t talk to my girlfriend like that,” Logan says, stepping between you and Michael with a stern look on his face.
“She doesn't love you; she was still texting me a few months ago. Did she tell you that?”
Logan turned to you, face showing slight betrayment– you were unsure of how to respond or what to do. You could slightly remember the text messages, mostly started by him, but you had still responded. Maybe it was out of boredom or sheer loneliness you had felt– or the complicated feelings you felt towards Logan.
“That doesn't give you the right to insult her,” Logan pushes Michael back with two fingers.
“Whatever, enjoy my leftovers– and know that her family will never accept you.” Michael walked away from the conversation, leaving a sour taste in your mouth. You didn’t want to be here anymore; you regretted dragging Logan into the situation. This would only ruin your opportunity to confess your feelings. Why would he ever want to date you knowing that your father had a weird attachment to your ex-boyfriend? Who would willingly put up with that; certainly not Logan. 
“Why does your dad even like him? He’s a piece of shit.”
“I don’t know. He doesn’t act like that around my parents; I guess he has them fooled.”
Soon, you all found yourself seated around the long table; to your horrible luck, you had been seated across from Michael. You weren't sure what came over you when you grabbed Logan's hand; perhaps it was nervousness or the shaking feeling you felt-- his hand served as an anchor in your opinion. It was keeping you from losing your mind as Michael smirked at you from across the table. 
"Are you okay?" Logan whispers, gently squeezing your hand-- attempting to reassure you and alleviate your many worries, leaning into you. When you don't respond, Logan takes it as his sign to continue talking to you, "I've got you, don't worry."
The sound of glass being tapped draws your attention to the foot of the long table, where your sister and her fiance stand. "I want to thank all of you for coming. It means so much to both Mark and I. To my parents, thank you for all the love and support you have shown during these past few days. To my sister, you have been the best sister anyone could ask for; I can only hope your wedding is next," Jade winks in Logan's direction, causing him to laugh, and your father glares at both your sister and Logan.
You smiled at Logan, and for a moment, you forgot it was all fake. It felt as if he was actually in love with you, as in love as you were. And as the night grew, so did your love for Logan. You were certain you were in love with him, and as delusional as it sounded, you hoped– longed for him to love you back.
⊹˚₊‧───────────‧₊˚⊹
The wedding ceremony had gone smoothly, it had been perfect and everything you could have imagined for your sister. That had never worried you much, you knew no one would have dared to ruin the ceremony. What did, however, worry you was the reception. It wouldn’t be out of the ordinary for some idiot drunken relative to cause a scene as they often did. And as you downed your fifth drink you began to think that the idiot might be you. 
“I've been looking everywhere for you,” Logan says, placing a hand on the small of your back. His sudden appearance snapping you out of your thoughts as he leaned against the section of the bar beside you. 
“Been here since the party started.”
“Hm, how much have you had to drink?” he asks, a concerned look etched onto his perfect face… perfectly kissable face. 
“Mm, not much. I could use a few more drinks” your words slurred and do little to convince Logan that you're not beyond your limit. 
“Let's just get some water in your system, yeah?”
“Nooooo,” you whine like a petulant child. 
He moves his hand that was resting on your back down to your hip, gently guiding you towards your assigned table.  You protest and grumble the whole way there, secretly loving the way his hand feels against your hip– so strong and warm. Logan sits you down in one of the empty chairs, giving the other people at the table a weak smile. 
“Drink up,” he says, gently placing a glass of water in your hand. 
“I don’t wanna,” you whine, dropping your head to rest against the table.
“I’m not giving you a choice.”
“You should like my mom,” You can feel his eyes on you, and you can almost imagine the small smile on his face. 
“Come on sweetheart, you gotta drink some water,” he says, voice softening, nudging your foot with his own. 
“Don’t call me that,” you lift your head off the table to look at him, throat tightening at the term of endearment. The whole place was spinning, your vision blurring a bit, the words in your mind jumbling together, “Don’t– don’t call me that,’ you repeat. 
“Why not? You’ve never minded the nickname.”
“‘Cause I’ll get used to it and I can’t get used to it.”
Logan started at you, confusion etching his face, and god if it didn't take every last bit of restraint in you to not lean over and kiss him. “What's that supposed to mean?” he asked in a whispered tone. 
“I– I love you,” you drunkenly confess, eyes blown out wide– you were sure you looked insane. 
“You’re drunk.”
"I love you and you don't love me–" you start, Logan’s hand coming to rest on your shoulder.
“Stop it. You can’t be saying things that you’ll regret in the morning.”
"You didn't deny not loving me," you say, voice dripping with embarrassment, tears beginning to sting at the corners of your eyes. 
“I’m not having this conversation with you”
"God, I feel like such a fucking idiot– just leave me the fuck alone," you drop your head back down, choking on your words, a few tears slipping down your cheeks. 
He hesitates for a moment as if debating what to do, he lets out a sigh, shoulders dropping, “We’ll talk about this tomorrow.”
⊹˚₊‧───────────‧₊˚⊹
You sat at the back of the property, swinging on one of two swings overlooking the open meadow. The past few days replaying in your mind: the fight with Logan, the rehearsal dinner, and the actual wedding. The wedding… everything had come undone, there was no more hiding your feelings or attempting to disguise them as a friendship. 
“I was looking for you,” Logan said, sitting on the swing beside you, watching you closely. 
“Look, I’m sorry about last night,” you whispered, your gaze set on the scenery in front of you in an attempt to avoid looking at him. He let out a sigh attempting to find the right words, worried he’d ruin everything.
“You remember what happened?”
“No, but apparently Jade found me crying and I confessed everything.” It had been embarrassing, having to admit to your sister that everything had been a lie and that you had an unrequited love for your best friend. She, being the greatest sister of all time, calmed you down and comforted you despite having made a fool of yourself at her wedding reception. “I’m not upset that you don’t love me like that. I totally understand and hope we can still be friends.” It wasn’t an exact lie, you did want to be friends, even if it would pain you– but you’d eventually get over him, right?
“No.”
“No? As in we can’t be friends? Because that's fine too, I understand that I made things awkward,” you rambled, just wanting this whole to be over with, nervously picking at the lint of your old sweater that you now realized had once belonged to Logan. 
“God, you really are an idiot.”
Your head snapped to look at him, confusion written all over your face, your mind reeled at his comment. Your mouth opened slightly in preparation to respond, but you were unable to find the words. What did he even mean by that? 
“I love you too, dumbass, so damn much,” he let out a small nervous chuckle, smiling at you, reaching to grab your hand.
“You do?”
“Yes, I can’t imagine a life where I see you with someone else and I feel comfortable with that.” You searched his face for any hint of insincerity, any hint that this may be some sort of cruel joke. But you knew Logan, and you knew that he would never do something so twisted. “I want to kiss you; can I kiss you?” he asked softly, hesitantly reaching out to cup your cheek.
You nod, closing your eyes and leaning into him, letting out a shaky breath as your lips meet. Suddenly you were unusually aware of the clamminess of your hands and the pounding of your heart. His lips were warm, a deep contrast to the cold morning air that had been biting at you earlier. Logan's hand moved to tangle itself into your hair, pulling you closer, almost as if he was scared you'd disappear– as if you were part of a dream and he'd wake up any moment. You suppose that's why the kiss had suddenly felt rough and sloppy as he ran his tongue against your lower lip. 
He pulled away, resting his forehead against your own, smiling at you, “So you’ll let me take you out on a real date?”
‧₊˚ ✩°。⋆♡ ⋆˙⟡♡ ⋆˙⟡♡⋆。°✩˚₊‧₊˚ ✩°。⋆♡ ⋆˙⟡♡ ⋆˙⟡♡⋆。°✩˚
*ੈ✩‧₊˚Note: This is the longest fic I've every written and I'm afraid it's not that good. I literally started this in, I want to say, January but honestly I have no clue. I'm just happy its done and I have the inspiration to write shitty stuff again.
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meyousing · 1 year ago
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𝐁𝐥𝐚𝐝𝐞, 𝐭𝐨 𝐁𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐫
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𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬: you’re a delinquent--blade's sworn enemy--who has been captured by none other than blade himself, and the price you must pay to him is unlike any other you had before.
𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬: yandere blade x reader, nsfw, non-con, mentions of death but no actual death, hes so fucking sexy, edited but could be done better I'm just excited to post this bc he's so mmmm. sexual nsfw under the cut as always <3
The inevitability of this day was something you wished to delay, but you always knew it would come to this. Fumbling your escape and landing in the captivity of your sworn enemy and his fellow hunters made it that much worse, nearly embarrassing. The dark smugness in his eyes, as he watched your hunched form be rounded up by Kafka, was dehumanizing. You tried to tune her voice out as she spoke to the others who had been captured at your side, those who were seemingly more of her target than Blade’s since he continued to watch you and only you, while Kafka hardly spared you a glance. Your ears twitched upon hearing an instruction to follow her elsewhere; you were more than eager to be away from Blade to save yourself some pride, wasting no time as you took a grand step in the direction of the door. 
“Not you.” His voice was gruff and heavy beside your ear, you tried not to jump out of your skin as a firm hand reached through your hair and found itself on the back of your neck. The grip was not harsh, not painful, or muscle-cramping, but it was solidifying–literally grounding. It kept you in your place, reminding you of precisely who was in control because you knew you had nowhere else to go, your free will and autonomy robbed with something as simple as a touch. “Your punishment is of a different sort.”
The other prisoners led away by the ever-shrinking head of plum-toned hair only isolated you two further, a lump forming in your throat when the doors to this newfound prison cell closed behind Kafka, and you could no longer feel the previously dense presence. A room once full of four or more, is now only occupied by two. Only you, and Blade. 
You were nervous to speak. Not nervous to say the wrong thing, you felt no fear of angering him. You just knew that you were utterly fucked, and that it would be easier if you simply started things off yourself. You were only nervous to kick off the inevitable, be it death or endless torture. But waiting would only make things worse, this you also knew. Nerves be damned, it would be better to face your reprimand than to let anxiety fester. Did you really want your final moments to be ones where you cowered in fear? Did you really want to let Blade win, to have the last laugh?
“What’s my punishment? Stab wounds equal to my crimes committed?” it was blurted out, the shakiness of your voice making the words jumble together and be spoken too quickly, entirely giving away what state you were in. How embarrassing, how pathetic. 
A hoarse chuckle followed your pitiful little interrogation. 
“No.”
His hand slid down your neck and across your shoulders as he walked tantalizingly slowly to stand in front of you–between you and the door, signifying just how trapped you really were. Now you faced him with eyes in line with his chest, not daring to meet his gaze that still burned into and through you despite how willfully you ignored it. Thankfully, when he applied extra pressure to your shoulder and caused you to collapse onto your knees before him, you could at least stare down at his shoes and separate yourself from his immediate proximity that much more. Though this new position rattled you even further, you knew exactly what awaited you–
“–A beheading.” Your voice was an octave lower than normal, likely due to that persistent lump in your throat that slowly began to prevent you from being able to breathe properly now that reality was setting in. 
He had the nerve to laugh again. But his verbal confirmation of your guess didn’t come, instead, a physical one did–a frigid steel meeting with the side of your neck, instantly threatening the radiating heat of your skin with a chill. This was it. You wanted to say something more, tell him to get it over with and to stop prolonging the inescapable, yet paralysis held you beyond physicality. 
Your voice was entirely gone now, mind having abandoned cohesivity when scenes of your life began appearing within it, replaying all of your wrongdoings and emphasizing what exactly you had done to dishonour Blade and land yourself here in the first place. What an absolute fool you were, living for cheap thrills and delinquency, daring to enjoy the chases prior to your capture with the assumption of eternal freedom, the assumption that you would always outsmart Blade because he hadn’t caught you yet. Now that you were imprisoned, now that you were caught and met by the very sword that would deliver your demise within the grasp of the man you purposefully teased and evaded… you just wished you could start all over again. Maybe now you could; perhaps death would allow you to reincarnate into a soft and sweet animal, something like a small sparrow or a wild rabbit, so you could live your life primally and peacefully, with no games or deception. Simply fulfilling your life's purpose as nature intends.  
The pressure was suffocating, it felt as though the sharpness only carved deeper into your flesh, leaving you with a memorable scar before you were completely decapitated. Gradual ringing invaded your ears as you swallowed hard and tried to conceal your fear, hands beginning to shake as you weakly brought them to meet behind your back, taking on a more honourable position to maintain some semblance of dignity in your last moments. 
Last moments. 
You weren’t ready to die. Not yet. You had wasted so much precious time being such an idiot, you knew that there was more to life than that, you couldn’t die now– 
The sound of a button coming undone followed by the shrill peal of a zipper being pulled down nullified the chaos of your thoughts in an instant. The ringing you once heard had faded out, a newfound deafening silence making the room feel awfully heavy around you. You were unable to control the wandering of your eyes as they panned up to see Blade’s free hand at the front of his pants, nudging them down until they scrunched at his upper thighs. 
His lips slowly turned up in a devilish smirk, one you could see clearly in your periphery even as you quickly cast your eyes back down in a panic, breaths becoming heavier to compensate for the rapidly increasing beats of your heart. You truly wished that your basic common sense was lesser, that you were an idiot in more ways than the one that brought you to your current position so you couldn’t tell exactly where this was headed. 
He couldn’t possibly be planning to do something so vile with you. 
A sudden swishing sound made you gasp, a quick flash of light before your eyes made them widen as the weapon that was once at your neck was now tipped against the ground in front of you, parallel with your alignment. The sway of your clothes followed the movement with a slight delay, and the newfound cool air hitting the skin of your torso let you realize that he had sliced your shirt; now it hung pathetically off of your shoulders and was nearly exposing the more intimate area of your chest. Instinctively, your hands moved before your thoughts could form as you tried to pull it back up, to prevent it from falling off entirely and cover what little remained of your dignity. 
“Stop.” Now the tip of his sword hit your chin, nicking it slightly as he added force behind the touch to tilt your head up, giving you no other option than to stare up at him. You winced, heat flooding the small wound as it began to bleed. With hands frozen in front of you following his command, you could only squeeze your eyes shut to try and shrink in on yourself, feeling the material of your severed shirt brush down your arms as it slid, resting at the curves of your elbows. 
You heard him exhale heavily as your breasts were now exposed, you were trying to control the way your body began to tremble; knowing that he would feel the vibrations of it through his sword if you didn’t calm down. Would your nerves only excite him further?
His rustling continued on, you refused to let your eyes peer open as desperately curious as they were to watch while he pulled his undergarments down to where his pants were, freeing himself from such confines. He let out a growl-like sigh and you assumed he had done so successfully, the sound of flesh rubbing against flesh letting you know that he began stroking himself. This sound made one of your eyes peer open instinctively to watch in bewilderment–was he really doing this now? This was how he got off? You regretted regaining vision immediately, the way his eyes remained so intensely trained on you, unblinking, sent something horrible through you. A disgusting rush of anticipation.
As eagerly as you wished to, you couldn’t deny your attraction to Blade. Of course, nobody had ever asked you about such an absurdity, but you couldn’t deny it even to yourself. As you feigned disgust, scrunched your nose up, and scowled at his lewd movements and the increasingly wet sound they began to make; the way his inky hair fell over his carmine eyes that seemed to glow beneath the strands, that simper which only seemed to widen more devilishly the clearer your confliction became to him, made you wholly weak. 
“Blade–”
“You don’t have permission to speak.” His words showed how stable his composure was in this state, no trembling or stuttering was to be heard. His fingers danced over his tip, running over his slit and the underside of his cock, causing him to release a hiss through his teeth. You swallowed hard and felt your nerves light up at the sound, attempting to take a deep breath that would allow your lungs to refill and not move enough for the steel to poke further into your skin. Thankfully though, Blade removed it from you and let it rest at his side instead. 
Relief did not last for very long at all, because he shuffled closer to you now, the tips of his shoes coming into contact with your knees. Being forced to keep your head up meant that he was now inches from your face, and you flinched back–but not away–when he abruptly held the heavy tip of his cock against your bottom lip, his skin tender and warm as he brushed it against you and smeared his precum over your lip like a gloss. 
“You know what to do.” 
With hidden inhibitions deciding to take over, your body acted on its own once your tongue darted out to get a taste of him. He chuckled in amusement, surely he was surprised by your immediate obedience, and it tapered off into a hum when you didn’t even bother to stop there, lips slowly wrapping around the shape of him to suck his tip into your mouth. His stance remained firm, not even thrusting in time with the light bobbing of your head, instead seeming to channel his focus into keeping his gaze locked on your every move; eyes hardly flitting as they switched from your own to your mouth. 
The rebellious feeling of adrenaline that tingled within as you put on your best performance was exhilarating. Even as your mind asked why you were so quick to obey your biggest enemy, you already knew why. You’d always wanted to get laid by him, always feeling your panties dampen when running away from him post-battle; thrilled by the bloodlust-induced look in his eyes as he watched you scamper off, while you were left to wonder what would happen if you accidentally tripped or stumbled and let him catch you sooner. Now you knew exactly what would happen, and you were so glad that it finally was. Could it be that the tension was mutual, or was he simply using you because you were right here? You needed to find out. 
As you slid your tongue along the underside of his shaft and squeezed your lips a little tighter, letting your cheeks hollow, Blade’s chest heaved and you could tell that it was a slip-up. 
“Enough.” He muttered the word, but his delivery did not make it any less firm and commanding. You were just getting started, disappointed to be stopped so soon, and embarrassment started to creep in when his expression didn’t show any sort of contentment from your service following his deep breath; if anything, he looked the complete opposite of content, brows furrowed in a way that seemed bored. Was the slip-up so impactful on his pride that he couldn’t show you some kind of appreciation? Before you could even gauge what he thought of you based on his body language, you were shoved by the shoulder off your knees and onto your ass, landing with a grunt on the cool concrete.
He mounted you quickly, though before your faces could get too close you were spun around and pressed down flat to your stomach, cheek squished against the ground. His fingers dug into your abdomen as he grabbed your hips and lifted them roughly, making quick work of your bottoms and exposing your wetness to the cool air sooner than you expected. Instinctively, you tried to move away to regain some dignity following the new vulnerability, but he felt your resistance and tightened his grip, making your muscles tense up, and a small “ow” left your lips even though it wasn’t actually enough to hurt. He seemed to have heard it, alleviating you by moving his hands to grab your own, holding them out and above your head as the tip of his cock prodded at your entrance, his hip bones sharp against your asscheeks. 
“This is the price you have to pay.”
The whine you let out as he pushed in was humiliating, biting your bottom lip to try and suppress it didn’t work very well as being filled so deeply right away was nothing short of delicious. Any pain brought by the initial push of his cock was immediately quelled and replaced with hot pleasure, made stronger by the way he pulsed inside of you every time your walls couldn’t help but clench around him. As you lifted your head to try and take in a breath to calm yourself, you felt Blade’s warm cheek press against yours, becoming impossibly closer to him in an act that was too tender. He hadn’t pulled out to make a full thrust just yet, instead taking his time in smothering you with his presence; breath too hot as it cascaded down your neck, body too large as it encapsulated yours entirely, so warm even through the many layers of his clothes–which reminded you of just how bare he had you by comparison. 
As his cock pushed deeper into your womb and his hair began to hang in your periphery, such a sensory overload caused you to forget about your current privileges. Or rather, lack thereof. 
“Blade, I–”
A hand left yours to grab your neck. 
“Your rebellion never stops, does it? Not even as I punish you” he bucked his hips like a reminder of what he was doing to you, poking sharply at your cervix and causing you to see stars for a moment, a silent moan croaking in your throat. He chuckled, and you felt the vibration of it against your back, through your torso. “What is it?” 
“Why?” it was strained, but you knew such a simple question needed no further explanation. He chortled once more, letting his fingers up slightly so he could stroke his thumb along the side of your neck. 
“Because,” He had started to rock his hips slowly and deeply as he spoke, effectively clouding your mind (perhaps purposefully) and causing his next words to only half register; “I’ve always liked you.” 
Then he pulled out completely, giving you a brief moment of pause before rutting into you hard, making you gasp for air as he started with a pace that showed no mercy while he held you completely still, locked in place so he could fuck you how he pleased; fast and like a brute. 
“Always such a minx, don’t think that I never noticed how you looked at me. I know you like me too, you want this.” His grip on your neck slid higher up so he could tilt your head back, darting his tongue out to lick and then nip at your skin. “Though the real question that I have is, for how long have you wanted this?” 
A semblance of annoyance began to sprout within you, it would fully fester if he really expected a response when it was clear that you were in no state to answer, and not just because of your restricted airway. Your legs began to shake with every stroke, your pussy was squeezing him tighter, forcing his thrusts to stay deep as you pulled him inside. All you could get out were small whimpers, hardly forming syllables. He had to have understood what he was doing to you, but he managed to seem displeased with your receptiveness to his movements, growling at your lack of anything comprehensive. 
“It appears this repercussion has become more of a reward.” He pulled out of you so soon, halting all motions and causing you to release a cry of protest, turning your head to see where he was going as he lifted himself off of your back, though he forced you to stay arched for him, taking his hand off of your neck in favour of pushing your head down to the floor, disallowing you from seeing him at all. “You can’t even answer a simple question, so why should I continue to reward you?”
“I’m sorry,” you mumbled, tears actually forming in your eyes because it felt so good to be filled up by him that you were mourning the loss of such delectation. His fingers tangled through your hair and he lifted your head with a fistful. He leaned forward to keep his voice by your ear and you could feel his cock brush against your inner thighs as he did, making your legs twitch in desperation.
“That still isn’t an answer.” 
“I’ve wanted this since the day we met!” you sobbed, the words slurred as you subconsciously pushed your hips back against him, unable to wait any longer. His form remained solid, allowing you to writhe and squirm like an insect as he kept you right under his thumb. If he was smart enough to know that taking pleasure away from you would get him what he wanted, you feared that he already knew what your answer was going to be and only did this to torture you. 
Silence ensued. Barely any response on his part, frustrating you even further and bringing even more tears to your waterlines. 
“I know.”
Your body jumped in delight when you felt something finally move in to soothe the ache in your core. Blade swirled the tip around your pussy lips and you were expecting him to pick up where he left off, though upon feeling an extreme precision behind the movements of whatever just entered you, you realized that he was fingering you–it had been his fingertips that were teasing you at first, but now he was knuckle deep, fingers crossing and prodding over your sweet spot with terrifying accuracy. You suppressed a squeal when he used his middle and index to push down against it, making a pulsing motion. Each pulse made your muscles twitch and soft, breathy moans escape you. You missed the feeling of his cock rubbing against your walls, though the incredible accuracy that he managed to deliver with his hand made up for it completely. 
“Improvement… but it seems I still have to work on you. Many prices to pay, indeed” he dared to let out a hoarse laugh, finding himself too funny as you were left a breathless mess on the ground below him, trying not to completely collapse as your body trembled. 
He started to pick up the pace then, pushing in harder and much faster now, forcing your pleasure to crest much sooner than you felt ready for. Your heart raced as your body lit up from zero to one hundred, you came with a loud cry and felt your orgasm squirt onto his hand before you could even try to control yourself. Blade cackled again, more boisterous this time as he matched his hand to the rhythm of your pussy throbbing around it, slowing more and more until you ceased all motions. 
What you hadn’t expected was for him to completely let go of you once you had settled down, your head almost thumped into the ground had you not braced yourself quickly enough, your hips falling with no grace as you lay limp and weak. Blurrily, you could see him standing up and tucking himself back into his pants, seeming to have already cleaned his hand (you could have sworn there was a newfound glimmer on his lips following this revelation, you didn’t have to guess what from). It took every last bit of strength you could muster to ask him a question that was just above a whisper:
“Where are you goi–”
“A Stellaron Hunter’s day of work is never truly over. I’ll be back for you later. Reflect on your actions for now” he cut you off.
That was all he had to offer before he strode to the door, opened it, and slid out swiftly, almost without a trace; had you not still been in such a state of disarray following the rapid orgasm you had just experienced by his hand, your mind full of nothing but Blade. With him so prevalent in your thoughts, you figured the best thing you could do right now was obey his command. Reflect upon what got you here, what an amazing result of your getting caught this was. You’d have done so intentionally and so much sooner had you known the lust was mutual.  
Fatigue set in quickly, your eyes fell closed and your breath slowed as soon as you were completely flat on the ground again. With your body tingling pleasantly from the aftershocks, you were able to slumber without any concern. None about where you would go from here, whether it would be with Blade or not, and if he would get you better accommodations or keep you in this cell like the prisoner you now were. Choosing to wear rose-coloured glasses would certainly benefit you in the long run, you couldn’t possibly know just how much of a prisoner Blade planned to keep you going forward.
© meyousing 2023. do not share/export my work on to any other platforms. do not translate my work. 
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teamatsumu · 1 year ago
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services. (fushiguro toji x reader)
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summary: With how hectic your life is, you have no room for relationships. But you still have needs, and so you decide to pay to have those needs met.
word count: 4372
warnings: fem!reader, escort!toji, porn with minimal plot, smut, unprotected sex, oral (fem!receiving), fingering, daddy kink, choking, biting, this is so self indulgent pls dont judge me.
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A million guesses in the world and you never would have predicted that you would be spending your Saturday night like this.
The only sound in your living room was the tick, tick, tick of the wall clock, as well as your occasional fidgeting. Your jeans rustled from where your leg was bouncing, an outlet for your nervous energy. You played with the sleeves of your sweater, rocking back and forth just slightly. You couldn’t decide what you wanted to blame this jittery feeling on, your anxiety or the cold. You wanted to go with the latter but you knew that what you were doing right now meant it had to be the former.
Who else would be waiting for a fucking escort to come to their house?
You looked at the clock again and rolled your eyes at your own antics. It was still ten more minutes before he was supposed to get here. Why were you already so clammy and shaky? This was pathetic. Well, getting an escort was pretty pathetic in itself, but this had to be a new low.
Honestly, you hadn’t expected yourself to be in this position. When a coworker had been venting about how your grueling profession and long working hours left no room for having a personal life, you had enthusiastically agreed. It was something you had been struggling with for years. It was the reason your last boyfriend had broken up with you, saying your job was way too time consuming and he felt ignored. He hadn’t been wrong. You were working more hours than anyone else you knew. And while you loved your job and wouldn’t trade it for anything else in the world, you knew it meant sacrificing relationships. Sacrificing love and intimacy and even the simple act of a physical touch.
At this point you were so touch starved it hurt.
Your coworker had then recommended this escort service, saying that it had literally saved her life. An over exaggeration on her part, you were sure, but when you had looked at their website and seen how systematic and professional everything was, you really were taken by surprise. The website was clean and organized, and it took everything into consideration. Hell, they even had you fill out a consent form that was almost six pages long, and it had every kink and sexual option known to mankind. The website claimed that the service had a sophisticated algorithm to make sure it matched every client with an escort best suited for their sexual needs, and it encouraged you to be completely honest when filling the form.
Your face had burned as you read through the form, but you thought long and hard about every option you ticked yes or no on. You were lost, truly, because you had a lot of fantasies in your head but many were ones you had never tried before, even with previous partners. It made you hesitate, and you wondered if these were things you wanted to try for the first time with a complete stranger.
“Oh, trust me, you do.” Mei Mei, your coworker, had responded when you talked to her about your woes. She swung her leg and she took a swig of her coffee, leaning back and giving you a teasing smirk. “When I say these men know what they are doing, they know what they are doing. I would argue this is the best option if you wanna be adventurous in the sheets. Because no matter how you respond, the guy will know how to handle it.”
So after many days of ruminating and carefully curating your form, choosing yes on every option you wanted to try, you had taken a deep breath and submitted it. You felt instant regret as soon as you clicked send, wondering what the fuck you were doing. You were a successful career woman, and here you were, hiring a man to come fuck you in sinful ways. God, what had you come to? If your ex could see you now….
Over the next few days, you went through the payment process and finalizing a time slot for yourself. You talked on the phone to a very nice sounding middle aged lady who had the perfect customer service voice, who told you all the details you needed to know, how many hours your were getting, sending you a number where you could contact the agency afterwards, and a whole bunch of other stuff, finally ending it by letting you know the name of the man they had matched you up with.
Fushiguro Toji.
You gulped as you wrote the name down on the paper you were noting everything else on, tuning out her next words for a bit as you stared down at it. So this was the man you were going to have sex with. Was this okay? Or had you completely lost your mind and your self respect officially?
When you finally hung up, you mulled over the option of just canceling. But the thought only annoyed you. Come on, Y/N, what’s the big deal? The lady on the phone said they were a large, country wide agency who had thousands of clients. So they’re probably doing something right. And who cares? You’re a hardworking woman, and you still have needs. You’re just fulfilling a need you have. That’s it.
Pull yourself together.
And so here you were, on a cold Saturday evening, waiting for this Fushiguro Toji to show up at your door. You nearly jumped out of your skin when the doorbell rang, just two minutes before the agreed time. You stood up quickly, swaying a bit because of how shaky your legs felt, before taking a deep breath and walking to the door. You put your eye up to the peephole, cursing when you saw only chest and shoulders, unable to get a glimpse of his face. You were so panicked that you didn’t even register that this meant he was extremely tall. You only clocked in that fact when you finally opened the door.
It was the first thing you noticed. Just how massive he was. Even though his loose sweatshirt hid most of him, there was no questioning how broad his shoulders were, or how he stood so tall that you nearly dwarfed in comparison. You felt your heart skip, swooning. 10/10 for the escort agency on the size kink option. This man was huge.
He had jet black hair, spiky but tamed, and it looked soft as hell. He looked down at you with a little smirk, and your eye caught the scar on the corner of his mouth. It somehow added to how sexy he was, and you swallowed hard. Yup, this guy was a walking wet dream.
You wanted to slam the door in his face.
He said your name questioningly, and you nodded to confirm your identity. Out of instinct, you said his name back, making him nod and his lip curl up just a bit more. You nearly shivered when his eyes quickly mapped over your figure. For a brief second, you wished you had dressed up a bit more than just your jeans and a sweater, but you doubted you could still look half as good as he did.
“C-come in.” You choked out, stepping aside to let him in. He lumbered inside, movements almost slow and lazy, but still smooth. Your breath hitched when his cologne flooded your senses. Fuck. He also smelled great.
Your hesitation only increased, but you shook your head. He’s probably been with a ton of women. His whole job is to look good and be good in bed. Of course he was attractive. The agency had promised that all their workers were physically good looking. You just hadn’t guessed they would be sex on legs.
By the time you closed the door, locked it and trudged into the living room, Toji was standing in the center of it, looking around with slow movements of his eyes. His hands were buried in the pockets of his jeans, and he was biting the inside of his cheek. He turned to look at you once you were in view again, and you watched him give you another once over. You tugged on your sleeves again, fueling your nervous habit. You heard him snort.
“My boss was right. You’ve never done this before.”
You blinked, not expecting him to say that, or have such a rough tone. It almost offended you, like he thought you were some loser. When he saw your scowl, he immediately raised his hands with a chuckle.
“Don’t mean it in a bad way, sweetheart. It’s kinda cute. Just took me off guard, considering the shit you ticked off on your form.”
Now that made you flush and fidget. The knowledge that this stranger knew everything you wanted in the bedroom was a little unnerving, and pairing that with how heated his gaze suddenly got, and you felt your core stir.
“Would you like some tea?” You blurted out, at a loss for what else to say. He raised his eyebrow in response, making you cringe.
“Or coffee.” You added weekly. “Or we could uh…. just start. Um, go to the bedroom? I don’t-” Your face was so hot, you wanted to cry. Finally, you sighed and gave up, feeling your shoulders slump. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”
This made Toji let out a hearty cackle, walking to your couch and dropping heavily on it. He patted the spot next to him, which you promptly took, unable to meet his eyes any longer. You convinced yourself that you couldn’t have done this worse, so there was no way to go but up since you had already hit rock bottom.
“Why’d ya get an escort service?” Toji asked, snapping you from your thoughts. You looked at him and saw genuine curiosity in his eyes, under the bored veneer that stretched over his face. You shrugged.
“I work too much. I wanted stress relief. My coworker said your agency was good. Now I’m kinda regretting it.” You explained concisely.
The tiniest of smirks took residence on Toji’s face at your last words, his body turned towards you. He hooked his arm over the back of the couch, resting his head on his balled up fist as he stared at you. “You won’t regret it by the time I’m done with you, sweetheart.”
Your breath caught at his words, body stiffening. To Toji’s trained eye, your movement was obvious, and it made him chuckle.
“You like that? Well, I can’t be surprised. You’re big on dirty talk, aren’t ya?”
He moved closer as he talked, one hand reaching out until his finger was tracing down your cheekbone, over your jaw, up until he reached your lips. Your heart was beating a mile a minute, and your mouth opened on instinct.
“Wonder what kind of talk ya like more? Praise? You wanna be called a good girl? Or maybe the other kind? Maybe you’re a desperate little slut?”
His voice was rough, the air was charged, and despite the cold, heat flooded your veins. You felt like you could barely breathe, afraid to make any motion that could push Toji away. You felt your core pulse when he leaned forward.
“You familiar with the color system for safewords?”
You nodded almost imperceptibly. He hummed.
“Good.”
And then his lips were meeting yours.
It was slow, lazy, like all of his movements. His lips dragged over yours in an almost sensual way. His hand cupped the back of your head and tilted it to his liking, deepening the kiss more. His tongue teased your lips until you parted them, darting inside to slide it over yours. Your eyes rolled shut, shivers running over your spine, hands reaching up instinctively to curl into the material of his sweatshirt. He facilitated every move your mouth made, as if egging you to keep going, and you responded in kind, arching closer to him, pressing harder on his lips, even licking into his mouth a bit, albeit shyly. You felt his mouth curl as he pulled away, a wet squelch as your lips separated. You whined in protest, not even recognizing your voice, and he chuckled.
“We’ve got all night, sweets. Take it easy.”
His hands maneuvered you until he had you in his lap, and it was your first taste of Toji’s strength. You nearly keened at how easy it was for him to pull you around, and you once again felt your insides clench. Being on top of him made you feel intimately all the hard planes of his torso, and you finally let your hands wander. Toji didn’t stop you, watching your fingers disappear under his sweatshirt and meet his bare skin. You sucked in a sharp breath, tilting your head up to meet his lips again as your hands began their exploration.
Toji hummed, letting you guide the kiss this time, and you realized that he had played his cards very carefully to make sure you would come out of your shell. The thought turned you on even more, and you were absolutely sure that you had completely soaked through your lacy underwear by now. You pawed on his shirt, tugging it a bit.
“Take this off, please.”
Toji bit at your bottom lip. “Please what?”
You felt yourself flush hot, picking up on his implication. Another thing you had mentioned on your form. Your body stiffened but Toji squeezed at your sides, hands slipping under your sweater to rub your skin.
“Say it, baby. And I’ll do what you want.”
His lips were wandering, past your mouth, over your jaw and down your neck until his teeth were nibbling on the skin under your ear. Your eyes rolled up, subconsciously grinding down on his lap.
“Please,” you gasp when he sucked hard, likely leaving a hickey. “Please, daddy.”
Toji groaned, the first noise he had made all night, and it shot straight to your pussy. He reached behind him to tug his sweatshirt off, exposing him in all his muscled glory. Your mouth watered at the sight, hands running over him freely. You couldn’t believe you had this man under you, letting you grope and feel him up like this, looking up at you with eyes so predatory it nearly set off alarms in your head. Your touch was getting more and more firm as you continued touching him, his hands pushing down on your hips to encourage the way you were grinding on him. You felt his erection rub right between your legs, where you wanted him most, and you bit your lip in response. He felt big. Definitely the biggest you had ever had. You didn’t even have to look at it to know it would be a tight fit, and the thought of it made excitement zip through you. Your initial nervousness was dissipating, and all your repressed urges were now floating freely in your head.
You needed him to ruin you.
The thought made your movements more frantic, tugging and pulling at Toji, moaning into his lips when his hands wandered under your sweater and groped harshly at your breasts. God, when was the last time a man had touched you like this? You were so wet it made your whole body arch, pulsing with need.
“Daddy. Want- want you.” You whimpered in his ear, feeling his intake of breath at your words. Toji tugged your sweater off, pushing you back so he could take you in. You knew you already looked like a mess, and the thought made your face heat up. Toji smirked at you, stretching the little scar on the corner of his mouth. Without thinking, you leaned forward, licking at the healed over skin. His grip on your hips got impossibly tighter, and you knew it would leave bruises. He stood up, making you quickly wrap your legs around his waist, before walking towards your bedroom, which you pointed out. His lips never left your neck, nipping at any part he could reach, licking over you. You wondered if Toji had a thing for biting.
He was indulging everything you wanted, but a part of you wanted to indulge him too.
He tugged off your jeans and panties as soon as he had you lying on the bed, leaving you in only your bra. Your shyness seemed to have melted away at this point, your brain so foggy with need that you couldn’t think of anything except having him on top of you. Toji was quick to discard his own jeans, leaving him in his boxers, which were straining against the daunting bulge of his cock. You licked your lips at the sight, and the action didn’t go unnoticed by the man, who gave you a grin.
“You want my dick?”
You nodded eagerly, spreading your legs on instinct when he draped himself over you, slotting himself in the space you created. He hummed and licked his lips, eyes wandering over your figure. You felt yourself clench again at the heat behind his eyes.
“Let me get a taste of you first, sweetheart. Then you can have me.”
And then he lowered himself until his face was level with your bare pussy, breath fanning over it in a way that made your eyes flutter. You shouldn’t be shocked at how brazen he was, since this was his job, but it still surprised you. Your thoughts quickly melted away though, when he licked a fat stripe from the bottom to the top of your slit, parting your lips until he could lick at you unencumbered, swiping his tongue over your heat over and over.
You gasped and arched into him, feeling shivers run down your spread legs. Fuck, he was good. Of course he was good. His movements were purposeful, like he had done this a million times before (which he probably had). His tongue seemed to know every little nook and cranny that needed attention, gliding over your cunt until he circled your hole, sinking into the opening. You cried out when the tip hit your walls just right, enough stimulation to feel good but not nearly enough to satisfy. His lips and tongue left you breathless and wanting more. His massive hands held your thighs apart, teeth nibbling at your clit slightly until you were whining under him.
“Fuck. Toji.” Your voice already sounded so wrecked.
When his finger tip prodded at your entrance, you barely had time to process before he was sinking in, knuckle-deep. You cried out at the intrusion, eyes rolling when he curled it and seemed to immediately find your spot. You felt his lips twist up into a smirk when you cursed, knowing he had you.
His movements were merciless, one finger becoming two and pumping in and out of you so fast you were sure he would rip you apart. No matter how hard you clenched, his fingers were undeterred, as if he was adamant on ruining your cunt. You could hear the squelching of your juices, the sound filthy and so sexy it put you right on the edge. Toji seemed to notice. His dark eyes burned into yours, mouth lifting from your clit to let his fingers do all the work while he watched your writhe under his touch.
“You gonna cum, babygirl? Gonna soak my fucking hand? C’mon, baby. Wanna feel this pussy drench me. C’mon. Cum.”
His voice was so rough, adding to the sensations until you felt dizzy, muscles snapping stiff as you came all over his fingers. The noises grew even wetter, your juices flowing past his knuckles and down to his wrist. He hummed his approval, the sound set deep in his chest, eyes zoned in on your fluttering lips. When he pulled out, you let out a long, deep sigh. Your legs were trembling as Toji made his way up to you, licking up your neck before nipping at your earlobe.
“You got such a perfect cunt, baby.” He moaned into your ear, hips grinding down and pressing his clothed cock against you. “Perfect little pussy, fuck. You tellin’ me you haven’t been feedin’ her with cock on a daily basis? Because that’s what she deserves. To be stuffed full with a big dick every night. Soppy little filthy pussy like that needs loving daily.”
You keened at Toji’s words, your breath catching at how lewd he was being. He hooked a thumb into his boxers and tugged them down until his heavy cock sprang free and hit his stomach, tip flushed an angry maroon shade and leaking precum. Your mouth watered at the sight, not even caring about how big he was or how wide he would stretch you. You whined and wrapped your legs around his waist, trying to pull him closer.
“Need you, Daddy.” You breathed out.
“You have me, little girl.” He cooed, almost taunting. His lips were twisted into a wide grin, looking down at you with unbridled lust. You noticed how red the tips of his ears were, flushed down his neck as well. His hair was pushed back haphazardly out of his eyes, and his body was covered by a thin sheen of sweat. His eyes were blown.
When Toji finally sank his cock into you, in one slow stroke, he groaned and cursed loudly, sinking down to his elbows on either side of your head. He let out a long breath, cursing again before a large, rough hand came up and wrapped around your neck, squeezing the sides just a bit. You gasped and arched into him, eyelids fluttering. The light haziness in your head was now intensifying as Toji bullied his cock slowly but surely into your cunt, no matter how much it tried to resist the intrusion.
“Fuck.” His voice broke a little. And somehow, that was better than the orgasm he had just pulled out of you. Knowing you had that kind of effect on this man who had never met you before, that you were reducing him to this just by your body alone, made you feel powerful. You clenched around him on purpose, and his grip on your neck tightened, making you freeze. He looked down at you, his grin almost manic.
“You playin’ games with me, sweetheart? Nasty little slut. I never would’ve thought.”
He pulled out then, until only the tip of his cock was inside you, before surging forward, hips slamming hard into you. You screamed and arched, and Toji didn’t give you a second more, thrusting into you in earnest.
“You forgot I was the boss here, little girl. Me. Say it.”
You could barely choke the words out, having the wind knocked out of you with every brush of his cock on your g-spot.
“Y-you’re-” You screamed at a particularly brutal thrust, legs kicking and twitching. Toji’s grip on your neck tightened, and you could no longer breathe. Your eyes crossed at the feeling.
“Look at you. Can’t even say a word. Such a whore for daddy.”
When he eased his hold, you took in big gulps of air, only a few moments before he tightened his grip again. His movements didn’t slow down for one second, driving his cock into you at a maddening pace.
“I’m gonna-” You didn’t finish. You couldn’t. Because in that moment, your orgasm crashed into you like a freight train, so intense you could barely breathe, even despite Toji loosening the hold he had on your neck. Your vision blackened, stars bursting over it as you writhed and twitched under him. He didn’t stop fucking into you, didn’t even pause. He groaned when you came around his cock, and he kept going.
You realized that this was just the beginning of a very long night.
………………………………..
It was around 4 in the morning when you tapped out. Or rather, Toji finally let you tap out.
You had come so many times you couldn’t count. You had positively lost all feeling in your legs, and every muscle in your body was sore and buzzing. Toji had pulled and twisted you into every position known to man, spanked and slapped you around, choked you, tugged on your hair until your scalp tingled, and had stuffed his cock, fingers and tongue into your abused pussy so many times you felt like you were dying. It was the most you had ever felt, every sensation amplified, crying until tears soaked your cheeks, cumming until you just couldn’t anymore. He quite literally fucked the soul out of you, plain and simple.
Now you were lying on your side on the bed, watching with half lidded, barely open eyes as Toji tugged his clothes back onto his glorious, god-like frame. He had only a few marks. Your teeth marks on his neck and shoulders, and some scratches down his back. Compared to you, bitten and bruised all over, he looked unaffected.
He turned to look at you, smirking when he saw that you were already watching.
“You sure you’re done? Ya have me for two more hours at least.”
You nodded and let out an unflattering snort. “If I had to go one more round you might have to take me to the hospital.”
He let out a laugh at that, walking closer to you. He fished in the pocket of his sweatpants, pulling out a small, rectangular card. You could barely make out his name and number.
“Don’t call the service next time. Call me directly.”
You raised a teasing eyebrow. “You do personal services?”
He shrugged in return, sending you a sleazy wink. “Only for really sweet cunts like yours.”
You groaned and buried your face in the mattress, hearing him laugh loudly before standing up.
“I’ll see myself out.”
You didn’t move until you heard the front door slam, feeling your lips tug up in a smile. You would have to thank Mei Mei profusely for her recommendation. And now you understood that she didn’t exaggerate the effectiveness of this escort service.
This was definitely not the last time you would be seeing Fushiguro Toji.
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iouinotes · 7 months ago
Text
All for you | Carl Gallagher
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pairing: Carl Gallagher x female!reader
show: Shameless
warnings: angst, fluff, smut (the reader and Carl are 18 years old in this ff)
summary: Carl is challenged that he can get your money, if he makes you fall in love with him. He loves the challenge until he loves something else more...
authors note: sorry for so many pov switched, I didnt notice it, when I first wrote this ff. Also I haven't had the chance to watch all the seasons yet, but I still hope that Carl's character is somewhat accurate :))
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Carl's pov
"Frank, goddamit youre no help! Why are you even lying around here - oh forget it, I don't want to hear it." Fiona's voice echoes in the room, while the entire Gallagher household is present.
The everyday discussion has been going on for too many minutes in which I could have done something better. The damn question “How do we get enough money?”
Lip at college, Ian with his gangster boyfriend, my shitty sister with her kid and then Liam. This family is screwed. No wonder with a father like Frank.
As the argument continues to escalate, I have the misfortune of sitting right next to him.
"You care to share some money, son?" Of course, my attempts to ignore him are unsuccessful.
"The drug trade doesn't always work out so well, but the weapon thing was something. You could give one to your good old dad, you know what the neighborhood is like." I run my hands through my hair in frustration, shaking my head.
"Just get one or two girls pregnant at school, then all of our problems are solved. But she has to be rich. After all, you want to get your hard work paid." Why the hell am I still here?
"You used to be more enthusiastic about my ideas. If you don't want to do play daddy, then use your charm. When I was your age, my cock was enough and the girls were happy."
"Be fucking quiet, no one wants to hear about your pathetic youth." It's no use, he keeps talking.
"I'm only saying, If you make a rich girl fall in love with you, then you can get money to do something nice for your family."
As I get up and walk away from him I take a breath, the tension caused by this idiot sucks.
Still, his words got me thinking. Maybe there's a new girl who would be perfect for this job...
🔗🔗🔗🔗
Your pov
When I moved here, I wasn't sure what to expect. New school, maybe mean classmates and bad cafeteria food. That I might be able to join a group and make friends, people who laugh with me in class or go to the cinema together on weekends.
I was prepared to get lost in the hallways a few times, perhaps to be peppered with embarrassing questions by the teachers. I had even prepared myself for being called a nerd again and therefore spending my lunch breaks alone.
Then things turned out differently. I met two girls who, although they scared me at first with their need to gossip all the time, are good people at heart.
They studied with me (meaning they told me the newest gossip and braided my hair while I did our homework), showed me the city and its pitfalls. I felt comfortable, prepared and confident for what awaited me here.
Oh lord, was I wrong.
On a Thursday in the middle of the week I met a boy who messed everything up. Literally.
I met him when he was running through the halls twenty minutes late, but stupidly didn't pay attention to me, who was about to cross his path. Let's put it this way, it ended with my books on the floor, my jacket hanging off my shoulder, and his hair being a huge mess.
When he looked at me, I expected to hear something like "sorry" or "I'll help you."
You want to know what he said?
"Cute top. Let me know if you need help taking it off."
Then he got up casually and walked into the classroom across the hallway, a grin on his face as if he had won the Bachelor title.
After this encounter two things became very clear to me. 1. Look both ways when crossing the halls and 2. Stop daydreaming about this boy, even if he has beautiful blue eyes.
The first thing worked better than the second.
After a few descriptions, which actually only consisted of "incredibly impudent and incredibly good-looking", it was explained to me who I was dealing with.
Carl Gallagher. A boy who has lived here since he was born, someone who is rumoured to be more dangerous than the Italian Mafia.
Even though I thought that was exaggerated, I quickly realized that I should stay away from him and that he meant trouble.
Aside from the fact that I wasn't going to be in the situation of talking to him again anyway, my eyes couldn't stop themselves from looking at him.
There was something that defined him, something that made me want to watch a grin creep across his face when he made an inappropriate joke, how he would push his blonde hair back and his eyes would shine mischievously, as if he had already planned the next bank robbery.
I wasn't the only one who found his charisma attractive tho, of course not when he looked like one of God's angels, but he never really seemed interested in other girls. At least not with any serious intent, you might hear him flirting or making comments about his free bed, but you would never saw him in a relationship.
He never held hands or kissed anyone, had a real smile on his face or said sweet things, he was just Carl.
Suggestive, hot-tempered and like a flag that proclaimed: Stay away from me, because you will lose this fight.
I also felt that if I continued to watch him, I would lose the battle for platonic feelings towards him too.
"Please don't tell me you're looking at our school bad boy again. You better be careful, he might want to sell you a gun." Kenzie's voice makes me sigh.
"These are just rumors. Besides, it's not my fault, he's just -" Her hand on my shoulder interrupts me.
"We know, you have heart eyes every time you talk about him. There are so many great guys in this world, I'm not saying at this school, but you choose this one?" Her look says more than a thousand words as she looks over at Carl, who is pushing his way trough the crowd.
"I'm not in love, just curious. Those are two different things, okay?" Her eyebrows raise.
"You mean, curious how his lips would feel on yours?" Her laughter at my expression is lost in the sounds of the cafeteria.
"Very funny." I murmur to her, food forgotten on my plate. When the school bell rings, I stand up and pick up my backpack.
"My class is canceled now, but I'm going to the library. Will you meet me later?" As I walk backwards I see her thumbs up and the hearts she makes in Carl's direction. My reaction is two quick middle fingers.
As I walk out of the school building, I check my phone and tie my hair into a braid. The library is a few blocks away and the cool air makes me shiver.
When I get there and wave to the boy at the entrance, I turn to my favorite department. Call it cliche, but I love romance books. I mean, I don't know what it feels like to love someone with all my heart, but that doesn't mean I don't love reading about it.
The books I actually need are a few rows away. History, literature, everything I am assigned to get for school.
As I stroke over a few tapes and finally pull out a book to read the first few pages, I hear a noise next to me that makes me look up. After all, the library is usually a pretty quiet place.
As I look into the familiar blue eyes, I feel my cheeks turn red.
I have to stop myself from staring.
"Always a book in your hand, I see." Oh his voice hasn't changed. I try to shrug casually as I answer, but I'm not sure if it actually works.
"Aren't you going to be late for class again?" At my sarcasm he smiles, he takes a step in my direction which weakens my control over my voice.
"I thought I would learn something somewhere else too." These coded words make me swallow.
"So, you're here often?" I almost think he's not answering me, but maybe I'm just not concentrating, because I'm paying too much attention to every mole on his face.
"Actually, I didn't even know this shitty town had a library." His words make me laugh, but several requests to be quiet around us, make me whisper in response.
"Then why are you here?" I think my breathing stops as his hand brushes my fingers that are still holding the book.
"You're here." I feel my heart beating nervously faster, I probably look pretty confused and when I notice his grin, something flutters in my chest.
"No interest in books, huh?" Can my answer actually be any lamer?
"Dont worry, I have a newfound interest in you."
🔗🔗🔗🔗🔗
Your pov
If someone had told me a few weeks ago that I would become friends with Carl Gallagher, I would have found the idea absolutely crazy. To be honest, I still find the situation insane, but damn my cheeks still turn just as red when he's with me as they did the first time.
It turns out that he really has no interest in books, even though he visited me at the library almost every day since we met in the romance department.
I've never met anyone like him, funny and couragous without any reserve, always looking for trouble, acting self-confident. But also sweet.
He's like a current that pulls you along, like a wind that blows so hard that you fly with it. He feels like freedom and it is wonderful.
He makes me laugh, he carries my books, plays with my hair, walks home with me. In such a short time I feel like he didn't knock on the doors to my heart, instead he made a home there.
Maybe this is what it feels like to fall in love.
It's not a gentle announcement, more of a realization that makes you incredibly desperate and happy at the same time.
But with him I actually just feel happy.
"Ready, sunshine?" As soon as I come out of the classroom, he comes towards me and takes my bag from me. My heart jumps at his gesture, which feels like winning the Olympics.
"You're crazy, where do you even want to go?" He has something planned but won't tell me. When he puts his arm around my shoulder and I lean against him, I get a few sideways glances from our classmates.
Carl ignores everyone like always, it's crazy but the way he's so confident is pretty attractive to me.
"Does the guy in your cheesy books also tell you where they go on dates? I bet not, so just wait."
🔗🔗🔗🔗
"It feels like you're kidnapping me."
I feel his smile on my back and have to giggle quietly at his response.
"Mh, I plan to do that. But only for a few hours, otherwise my head will roll tomorrow. Your father takes your curfew pretty seriously."
I feel his hands on my hips, guiding me forward, hear the birds chirping around us, but can't figure out where we're going.
"Just a few more steps, baby. Then you'll see." As he promised, it is only a few meters away and when I see a small, calm lake, my mouth falls open in surprise.
"Carl, oh my God! It's wonderful here, thank you so much." I turn around in his grip and look at him, his smile reflects the love that I feel.
"Yeah? How much do you like it?" As his eyes focus on my lips, I feel a tingling feeling in my stomach. Slowly, my fingers stroke his chest and I see him swallow, even though he tries to hide it.
"I think it's incredibly beautiful here, I love it. And...I really like you." I shyly lower my gaze, my words are met with an unknown silence that makes me anxious after a few seconds. But when I look up at him again, he pushes a strand of my hair out of my face.
"To me, you are much more beautiful than this sight. I like you too and I thought that was pretty obvious." I smile broadly, butterflies fly around in my stomach and as the sun illuminates his face, I feel incredibly happy.
"You're so nice to me, I don't know how I deserve this." An expression crosses his face, but when I blink he smiles at me again.
"After all, you are the first person who explained the topics for the history exam to me, without giving up." My hand cups his cheek.
"I wouldn't give you up, you've become too important to me." As I stand on my tiptoes, our lips brush, his hand is on my back and pushes me closer to him.
"You are an angel." With his words we kiss and everything else around us blurs, only he remains. Everything is unimportant except him, standing in front of me, so handsome, that it is difficult not to look at him.
"Come on, let's go for a swim." As he pulls me towards the lake, you can hear our loud laughter in the air.
🔗🔗🔗🔗
Carl's pov
"When are you going to collect the money? You've been with her for the last three months and nothing has come of it." Frank's annoying voice frustrates me more than anything else.
"I am working on it. Besides, she's actually really caring." When I see the dismissive hand gesture in my direction, I roll my eyes.
"You are completely wrong, son. A person is there for a certain period of time, but money? Money accompanies you throughout your life, especially if you buy beautiful bottles of the best alcohol."
I sink into the sofa, but want to turn away when I feel his hand on my shoulder.
"If you put it off any longer, it will be harder to get out of the situation. Girls your age will start planning to get married, if you stay with them for months."
But when he leaves, I feel conflicted. Can I really do this to her?
🔗🔗🔗🔗
Carl's pov
"Happy birthday!" Her voice makes me jump and, confused, I turn around on the bench to look into her excited eyes.
"Why are you jumping around like that? Are you practicing for cheerleading?" I'm making fun of her, but the smile on her face doesn't fade.
"No, idiot. I'm just really curious to see how you react to your gift." My breath catches for a moment as I take in her words.
"You got me something?" When she leans forward and gives me a kiss on the cheek while pressing the bag into my lap, I start to smile too.
"Open!" Her encouragement breaks me out of my trance and I quickly tear up the paper, looking at the tickets with wide eyes.
"But...these tickets cost a fortune? Did you sell your liver or something?" When I look at her, she smiles back at me.
"I talked to my dad and he agreed that you deserve something special for your birthday. Are you happy?" As I look at the cards, I suddenly feel a pang in my heart. It must be showing on my face, because her happiness is also fading away.
"Do you not like it? I thought it was your favorite team? I can get you something else." When I look at her, I quickly pull her between my legs and kiss her.
"Shh, breathe angel. It's perfect, thank you. And well, your father. It's just a lot of money." Her hands play with the fabric of my shirt.
"You always say that. Do you have problems at home, with money, I mean? I've never been to your place, I don't even know where you live." What should I say to her now?
"It's okay." Her raised eyebrows look at me reproachfully, making me sigh.
"Each of us has to contribute a certain amount of money every month and if I don't sell fucking drugs, it will be tight." Her astonished look makes me pause and I gently stroke her arms.
Before I can say anything else, she kisses me. I look at her in surprise.
"What's that for?" She smiles shyly, looks at the floor for a moment before looking at me again.
"You're just so honest, I admire that. And that you've never asked me for anything, you know. That I lend you some money."
Fuck. Shit. What do I say?
"Yeah, I mean, I don't want to burden you with that-" but she interrupts me again, her concentrated expression makes me curious.
"What's going on in your pretty head?" My hands wander over her sides.
"It's the end of the month, how much are you missing?" I frown in confusion, but when she doesn't let it go, I tell her the amount.
"$240, the rest I earned by helping in the neighborhood." But despite the high sum, she just nods, looks at me again and gives me another kiss.
"Okay, maybe I'll be your sugar mommy." I have to laugh at the absurdity, but the longer she grins at me, the more I think she means it.
"What, are you serious? Thats fucking crazy, how am I supposed to pay you back?" Her eyes look around, but since the classroom is relatively empty during recess, she finds herself between my legs again. She slowly lets her hand wander down my stomach until she squeezes my cock through my clothes and I close my eyes in delight.
"Hmm, maybe you could help me relax between classes." Her eyes sparkle mischievously and I look at her with a grin.
"Anything you want, sugar."
Let's put it this way, the next few weeks the breaks were filled with kissing in the back corner of the classroom, dry humping on the toilet or Carl doing his best to pleasure me with his tongue in the caretaker's room, like now.
"Ahh-, Carl. I'll cum if you keep that up." His head has disappeared under my skirt, his fingers are stroking the bare skin of my thigh and the sinful movements of his tongue are making me see stars.
As he adds a finger and runs it over my folds, slowly until he inserts it, he looks at me again.
"You coming for me? Yeah, be a good girl or do you want to get caught by the old janitor grandpa spreading your legs for me?" As my eyes roll back, he pumps another finger into me, scissoring it thoroughly and hitting that sweet spot inside me.
When I moan loudly, he grins.
"You like that? Just wait until I bury my cock in you and you cant walk straight afterwards, so that everyone will notice." When his finger presses my clitoris, I see white and as I come I try to muffle the sounds with my hand over my mouth.
When I get off my high, I blindly search for my panties. But Carl beats me first.
"Hmm, no. I think I'll keep it as a little souvenir. Maybe you can get it back when you come to my house later." I don't know what surprises me more: that he wants me to run around exposed at school or that I'm invited to his house for the first time.
"Really? I'd like to come." But he interprets my words differently, his fingers stroke my entrance again and I moan and squeeze my eyes shut.
"Don't worry, I'll take care of it. Very well and for a very long time." When the bell rings, he lets go of me and I whimper slightly.
"Carl-" but he interrupts me by pulling back and straightening my skirt.
"I'm sure our agreement was between recess, now it's class time. Come on, I'll make it up to you later."
🔗🔗🔗🔗
Your pov
As we ride the bus toward his home, I take his hand and intertwine our fingers.
"But don't expect a mansion or any of that shit." Ever since we left school, he has been bad-mouthing his hometown every free minute he has.
"Don't worry, I'll only have eyes for you anyway." The statement makes him laugh and he relaxes a little. As we get out and walk a little way along the street, we are watched by a few people.
"Why are so many people staring at us?" When he look at me, I'm obviously confused.
"Not everyone here wears designer clothes that cost several thousand dollars. If you come here more often, they'll call you a princess." Giggling, I slap him on the arm and as we climb the stairs to his house, I look around curiously.
"So this is where you grew up." His shoulders shrug casually, but I see him trying to gauge my reaction.
"Yeah, where in the world could it be nicer?" I laugh at his sarcastic comment and we both smile at each other as we enter the house.
I hear him calling into the house, then a girl with red hair appears, carrying a baby.
"You must be Debbie, the little one is so adorable." When I hold out my hand, she just looks at Carl with her eyebrows still raised.
"What did you do to end up with her? Also my daughter's name is Franny and yes, I know condoms exist." Surprised, I don't know exactly how to answer, so I leave it to Carl.
"My tongue is magic, Debs. Too bad you won't find out yourself anytime soon, Derek has moved away. By the way, Franny seems hungry." I'm unsure of the dynamic between the two of them, as she turns away and walks away, I resist the urge to say goodbye.
"That was...nice." His hand pulling me towards the stairs distracts me.
"She's a real ray of sunshine, come on. The others aren't back yet, so you can be as loud as you want this time."
When we get upstairs, he leads me into his room and I look at the magazines, posters and little things scattered everywhere.
"Cleaning and you are definitely not friends, huh?" I laugh at my joke, but Carl has other plans than letting me inspect his room.
He puts his hands on my hips and pushes me against the closed door, my breath catches as his eyes find mine.
"Do you want to keep playing housemaid? Then put on a damn maid costume, otherwise keep your eyes on me." At his stern voice, I press my thighs together and, grinning, I drag my fingers across his chest once again.
"Would you like that? Me on the floor, my ass in the air, and no underwear? Oh wait, what a coincidence that I'm not wearing any now either." His eyebrows raise, I see his eyes darken with lust.
"Let's save this little fantasy for another time, right now I just want to see you on my cock." Smiling, I lean towards him and start kissing him. I loosen the belt I bought him and pull him closer to me by his waistband.
"I think I did well today. After all, I didn't complain about getting through the school day without underwear. Do I get my reward now?" Grinning, he takes off my top and looks at my lace bra.
"Everything you want." He drops to his knees in front of me and kisses his way along my thighs, lifts my skirt and presses a kiss to my folds. Slowly he moves his tongue higher and kisses my stomach, I lean my head against the door.
"Does that feel good?" I just nod, burying my hand in his hair as he puts his mouth on me again.
"Ahh- Carl, I want you now." His fingers stretch me, the wetness running down my legs, making me tremble.
"You got me, sweetheart. What do you want me to do?" His head lifts to look at me and I place my fingers around his chin, seeing the moisture on his lips.
"I've been prepared enough, I want your dick now. Let's see if it's as magical as your tongue." Grinning, he stands up and lifts me up, lays me on my back on his bed and lies down between my legs.
He places a few kisses on my legs, then stretches up on his elbows so he's hovering over me. Then he kisses my cheek and my lips, lets his tongue slide over them and lets me taste myself.
I run my fingers through his blonde hair and pull his body closer to me. When he pulls a condom out of his pocket, I hold my breath.
"You still want to do this?" His look calms all the worries I had. I nod, stroking my fingers over his heated cheek.
"I trust you." His next kiss is passionate, his hands gliding over my body, caressing every bit of exposed skin. I lift my back off the mattress and let him take off my bra. His head lowers to run his tongue over my navel. As he sucks on them, I moan softly.
One of his hands starts kneading my breasts and when I try to take off my skirt, he stops me.
"Leave it on, okay?" I kiss him in response.
His hand strokes my sides and my own hands rest on his shoulders as he presses the tip of his cock against my entrance.
"Ready, baby?" When I agree, he presses himself into me and for a moment I have to squint my eyes because it hurts.
Then I feel several gentle kisses on my cheek, my forehead and my lips. His attempts to distract me work and as I become more and more relaxed, he slides further into me.
Slowly he presses his hips against me, the stretch so great that I can feel him all the way into my stomach. He waits for a moment, whispering sweet things in my ears until they get dirty and I beg him to move.
My hands wrap around his shoulders as he thrusts into me for the first time, the air around us thickening as he grunts and a moan escapes me.
"You're doing so well, God, you feel so good." His hips move faster and faster, the pleasure spreads through my body and the wetter I feel, the easier he slides in and out of me.
"You are perfect, my perfect girl. Do you feel good?" His hands stroke my skin, gently pinching my nipples, playing with them and making me squirm beneath him.
As he grips my hips and pushes himself harder into me, my head starts to spin. My noises get louder.
"Carl- god, please go harder" And so he does, the room is filled with the sounds of our bodies and sweat forms on us.
"Baby, do you want to ride me? You have such pretty thighs." I nod and when he pulls out of me I can't think clearly, I just want him to fill me up again.
He leans back and as I stabilize myself on his shoulders, I sink back onto him. The feeling is even better that my eyes roll back. His hands grasp my hips, helping me move.
"That's right, baby. You're doing so good, riding my cock like the good girl you are." At his words, I tighten my grip on him and he curses as I move harder on top of him.
The faster I go, the more exhausting it becomes, but as I feel a knot forming in my stomach, I ride him so fast just to chase my pleasure.
Then suddenly as he hits my spot inside me over and over again, I go boneless on him and melt in his arms. My come drips all over him and as he continues to fuck me, reaching his own climax, I tremble in his grip.
"Just a few more thrusts, baby. Ah, keep holding on to me." Even though I have lost my strength, I move on him a few more times until he comes and I lay my head on his shoulder.
We're both breathing heavily, but everything feels so good, so warm and comfortable, that I don't want to move a single muscle anymore.
He carefully pulls out of me, I moan slightly at the loss. He gently lays me back on his pillow and gives me a kiss before throwing the condom away.
He pulls the blanket over us and puts his arm around me to pull me closer. I snuggle up to him and feel so safe that I quickly press my lips to his skin.
"That was wonderful." He also presses a kiss on my hair.
"That was incredible, you are the best. I can't wait to do it again." Our embrace becomes tighter. For a moment the room is silent.
When I whisper his name, he hums in response.
"I know it's cliche to say something like that after the first time. But I just feel it so much that it hurts to keep it to myself. I love you." As I lie on his chest I hear his heart stop for a moment and then it starts beating much faster.
"I- no one has ever said that to me before." When I raise my head and look at him, he doesn't look at me. Instead, his eyes are fouced on the ceiling.
"I just want you to know. I don't want to put any pressure on you to say it. I just thought you should hear it. You know, now that things are serious between us." Again he is silent and I start to worry, but then he looks at me.
"You are truly the most incredible person I have ever met. I consider myself very lucky." He smiles at me, then leans down and we kiss for a moment. It feels like heaven.
We lay there for a few minutes, just cuddling and telling each other how our day was. We laugh and as the sun slowly sets, I start to get dressed.
"I wish I could stay here with you. But you know what my parents are like." He leans back on his elbow, watching me get dressed and contact my parents to pick me up.
"Hmm, I think we would do it again. If you stayed here tonight, I mean." I smile at him, sit down on his bed for a moment and ruffle his hair.
"I wouldn't mind, darling." The nickname makes him blush and when he leans forward to kiss me, I playfully push him away.
"I have to go, are you coming down with me?" He nods, feigning annoyance, and as we walk out of his room, he puts his arm around my waist and pulls me towards him.
He steals his kiss there, but more than that he steals my heart.
We smile at each other and for this moment everything is just perfect. We go downstairs and just as we are back in the living room we hear a door open loudly.
A visibly drunk man stumbles in. I see Carl tense up next to me, staring at the stranger angrily. I quietly lean towards him to whisper my question.
"Who is that?" When he rolls his eyes, I get a bad feeling.
"That's my father, great isn't it?" The man in front of me is dirty, has unkempt hair and an unpleasant smile on his face.
"Should I ask my parents if you can stay overnight?" My gaze is more focused on the man than on Carl.
But he just shakes his head, and just as he is about to answer, the man sees us too.
"Oh, my son! It's so good to see you, not really, but I'll take your bed. Fiona has mine. Is that your little girlfriend? She looks expensive, very good catch. How much money did you rip her off? I hope it's worth it to go through all this drama." I frown in confusion, but when Carl freezes next to me, I become uncertain.
"What does he mean by that?" This time my gaze is directed solely at Carl.
"Nothing, he's drunk-" but before he can finish, the man does.
"How rude of me, I am Frank. The proud father of this child, at least one of my descendants has made something of himself and used his talent. He has my good genes, the good looks and I teach him the tricks. Like exploiting an innocent, very very rich girl for money. It doesn't bother you, I hope? You seem to have enough, but I hope my son returns the favor to you."
The words catch me so off guard that I can't move. I don't believe anything this man says until I see the guilty look on Carl's face.
"W-what? That's a lie, right? Tell me he's lying, Carl." As he runs his hands through his hair and tries to answer me, Frank speaks again.
"Oh, you haven't confessed to her yet? My fault, I should have waited. I didn't think you would humiliate this girl for so long. I told you this wouldn't end well." But Carl ignores him completely when he notices me moving away from him.
"Wait, I'm sorry. It wasn't like that-" But I interrupt him, already feeling tears gathering in my eyes.
"So what happened? You act like you don't want any money from me and-" Carl's look becomes frustrated.
"You offered me your money! You said if I matched it, everything would be fine for you." I'm almost speechless, is this all a nightmare?
"Are you serious? I offered it to you because you weren't asking for it. And now I find out it was your plan from the beginning? You just talked to me, just spent time with me to get my money? Who does that?" Frank's voice intervenes.
"I invented the strategy, my dear. It's turning out to be quite useful." But I don't pay attention to him, I just look at Carl.
"Please, I'm sorry. Yes, it was meant that way in the beginning, but it's different now. I-" My tears flow when he admits it and any feeling of happiness disappears. All that remains is betrayal and sadness.
"You what? What am I saying, you were probably happy that I only wanted you in return. I'm such an idiot. You didn't just take my money, you took my first time too!" As he comes towards me, I step back.
"Listen to me, I didnt force you to do all this for me. You wanted it." The more he talks the more desperate I feel and the greater my anger becomes.
"You idiot! I thought you liked me! I thought you finally noticed me too." My sobs get louder and my vision blurs. When he tries to grab my face, I slap him.
"My cue to go. I can see that you're sorting it out between yourselves just fine." Frank's footsteps fading away are nothing compared to the sound of my heart breaking.
"I like you, I really like you. At first it wasn't my intention to start a relationship with you, but then I got to know you and-" Every word that escapes him is only worse.
"Stop talking! You know what the worst thing is that I liked you for so long before you even talked to me. And I thought it was a miracle when you first spoke to me in the libary. I should have listened to the others, you only care about yourself!" I wipe the tears from my cheeks, wishing I could be anywhere but here.
Then before he can say anything, I turn around and run out of the house. But I hear him following me.
"Wait! Don't just walk away, I have to get this straight. Hey!" He catches me, turns me around and holds my tear-stained face in his hands.
"I'm an idiot, I know that. I'm sorry for hurting you. I- God, I love you. You hear me? I love you too. Please stay." But I just shake my head and try to free myself from his grip.
"How do I know if that isn't a lie too? You've betrayed me, I can't talk to you now." When my car pulls up, I get in without turning around. I don't look back, even though his loud curse can be heard throughout the whole neighborhood.
🔗🔗🔗🔗🔗
Your pov
I spend the next few days without saying much, but I cried almost the whole time.
I miss him incredibly, not a day has gone by in the last few months when I haven't seen him and now I've been alone for three days.
I wish he was here, but on the other hand I am so hurt and feel terrible. He is the reason for this.
I wish I had never found out. I wish he had never done it, never lied to me. Didn't use me for money, but worst of all, I don't know if he even likes me.
Today is the first day that I go back to school. Even though I put on make-up, choose a nice outfit and listen to my favorite songs to distract myself, I can only think of him.
His blonde hair, his beautiful eyes, the way his lips felt. How he felt inside me. Then I remember that he loves me and how he finally said it, something I have wanted to hear for so long.
But then I think about what he did and everything feels empty again.
As I enter the school, my friends come to meet me. They already know what happened, they all hug me and I feel a little better.
Until I see him.
And he sees me too. It takes all my effort to avert my gaze. To get my books out of my cupboard, but then I have to stop because he is not standing next to me offering to carry them.
I take it myself, close my door, but before I can go any further, he is standing in front of me. My heart stops. Oh, how his eyes shine.
"Do you need help?" His eyes focus on the books and I have to swallow several times before I can answer.
"No, I have to go to class now." But as I try to walk past him, he stops me.
"You don't answer my texts, you don't call me back. I'm not allowed into your house and you avoid me at school. What can I do? Please tell me what I need to do, so you forgive me." I laugh, but it is without humor.
"What can you do? Move."
I can see his shock, but he still doesn't step aside.
"Can't you hear me? I said-" but he walks toward me until I'm forced to lean my back against the lockers.
His eyes find mine.
"I can't sleep. And when I do, I dream of you. There's a - a hole in my heart that only you can fill. It hurts and I hate not being with you. It's even worse to be here, when you don't look at me the way you usually do. You don't smile at me, God, you don't look like you're in love with me anymore. It's hell."
Tears gather in my eyes, his words are so desperate, it hurts to see him like this.
"Maybe you should have thought about that before you took advantage of me. Before you slept with me." A tear runs down my cheek and I know my mascara is smudging.
"I know, I know. And I feel so bad, I'll do anything to make it right. Just tell me."
When I look into his eyes, my heart also hurts.
"Move, Carl. I can't see you now." This time he lets go of me and I go to class with tears in my eyes.
🔗🔗🔗🔗
Your pov
It's been four weeks since we last spoke, but it doesn't hurt any less to see him. Even if I don't let him talk to me, he doesn't give up.
He puts flowers in my locker, chocolate, and notes full of apologies and sweet promises.
Everything warms my heart, but it still feels like this money thing is unresolved between us. I know now that he likes me, very much in fact, as he makes it clear, but that doesn't change the real problem.
That he used me for my money.
As I leave school that day, I feel exhausted and, as I often do, I wish I had his arms around me.
Holding me tight, his lips kissing me, loving me.
As I wait for my father's car, I suddenly hear his familiar throat clearing. With my heart pounding, I turn around and see him smiling uncertainly at me.
"I know what I had to do and now I've done it. Here." He gives me an envelope and I take it uncertainly.
"Carl, your letters are flattering, but-" He quickly interrupts me.
"No, it's something else. Open it." The deja vu hits me unexpectedly and I slowly open the envelope, the content leaves me speechless.
"What is that supposed to be?" It's rhetorical, but I ask anyway.
"All the money I owe you. What you've kindly given me, I pay it back. Every cent. You can count." He looks so proud, I almost have to laugh.
"How- did you rob a bank?" He grins contentedly at my reaction.
"An old grandma." This time I laugh and he comes closer to me, slowly taking my hands.
"No, seriously. How did you do that?" He looks at me lovingly.
"Working in the kitchen every day after school, I found a part-time job with Fiona. The payment is bad, but it was worth it. I understand that money was the problem and well, that I wasn't honest to you." As I lower the envelope, we look at each other.
"Promise, no more secrets?"
He smiles and suddenly the world is a brighter place.
"Promise, but we continue one of our agreements." I raise my eyebrows questioningly, seeing him grin as he leans toward me, his breath brushing against my lips and he whispers:
"I'll still spend my breaks with you in the janitor's room."
The laughter that escapes me gets interrupted, when his lips meet mine.
274 notes · View notes
leqonsluv3r · 1 year ago
Text
liquid courage
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infinite darkness!leon x f!reader
summary: reader worries about leon, she goes over to check on him. they end up drinking from there...and things get heated.
warnings/tags: MDNI, foul language, porn with (very little) plot, drunken behavior, mentions of alcohol, age gap (reader is 24, leon is 36 (my lore is probably wrong, dont kill me pls), dom!leon, sub!reader, unprotected pnv action (wrap or don't slap it), pet names (baby, babygirl), daddy!kink, oral (f recieving), praise, dirty talk, hickies and bruises, humping/grinding (reader literally cums in her underwear LOL). mentions of pain during seggs, and other foul stuff i forgot.
an: chat.ai got me all worked up, so here we are. sit back and enjoy pls and ty. also pls roblog <3 and lmk if u wanna be in my tag list.
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You and Leon had a complicated "relationship".
He was your next-door neighbor in the loft building that had many, upon many units. He never rarely said anything to you ever, just occasional "hi's" and "hello's" in passing. Just to be polite, neighborly even.
There were times though when you would catch him looking at you as you went out in the hall to go somewhere, you two bumping into each other, he would scan your body...almost eye-fucking you.
Or maybe it was just in your imagination, you weren't ever sure.
Still, the thought of him fucking you for real...made your panties pool with want and need. If just his eyes could do that...you couldn't imagine what else you were missing out on.
You knew that he was always almost never home, probably working or something. You had your suspicions that maybe he was spending time at a girl's place or that he was occupying someone else's time.
You had barely said a word to the man, yet, that thought made you jealous and almost predatorily angry. Because you just knew, the way he walked and the way he carried himself...that he knew what he was doing.
He did have his moments, where he broke the silence. One day, he knocked on your door, holding a package out to you.
Not just any package...a vibrator.
Dear god, you wanted to coil up into a ball.
"I think this is yours..." he said, sticking out his large hand that held your sex toy. He didn't even look embarrassed...like you did. Cheeks all red and flustered, staring dumbly as he held out the package to you.
You couldn't stop staring at his hands, the one that held your package. The thoughts of what he could do to you with those hands made your pussy flutter, naughty images filling your brain.
You finally got words out, "Uh, y-yeah...that's mine." you reached out slowly and grabbed the package from him, your fingers brushing. Electric jolts to your body and the small contact. He smirked a little, eyeing you (like he would sometimes do), "Boyfriend not satisfying you?"
Holy fuck, you thought as you parted your lips a little.
"N-No boyfriend..." you nervously stutter out as you feel his eyes grazing your body. He hummed, nodding slowly, almost confirming his suspicions.
"Thats a shame..." he starts trailing off. "Pretty girl like you, should have a boyfriend." He said with a tilt of his lips, your eyes widened a little and you tried not to let a gasp escape your pink lips.
You didn't even say anything, not until he said bye and walked back next door to his apartment. You watched him go, trying to process the words that he had said to you...the way he looked at you.
God, his gaze, you felt so hot underneath it. Like a reptile under a heated lamp.
You closed the door and walked back into the threshold of your apartment, ripping the box to the vibrator open and charging it while you still had the pool between your thighs.
That's where your crush started...you whiny and moaning under your toy as you thought of him fucking you. It was almost pathetic, he didn't even know you existed, yet you were coming undone on your own accord at the thought of him.
"Daddy...please..." you moaned to yourself, chanting it like a mantra as you came fast. It was embarrassing, thrilling and fun but you felt like a naive little girl with a crush on a man you could never have.
After that, you tried to get yourself involved in anything involving him. You found that harder than actually planned so you decided that maybe looking him up would be a good idea.
Just to know a little more about him.
You typed his name into the search bar, a thousand results popped up but only one interested you. ROOKIE COP UNDER SIEGE you read. The rest of the article was basically outlining a strange occurrence in Raccoon City...involving a younger looking Leon.
It was his offical police issued picture that he took and... He looked...so small and just...innocent. The other picture in the article was of him...but he looked different.
His mouth was pressed in a firm line, jolting blue eyes looking straightforward at the camera, then...his eyes. His eyes didn't look hopeful and full of life like they were in the other one you saw.
They looked...like he had seen something, witnessed something truly awful and you had no idea what. The article states that the incident was unreported and handed over to the government.
'21 YEAR OLD COP' it read...and that was years ago...that meant...he was 36 by now. A lot older than you...
And my lord, did he age well. Even at 36 he still had his looks going for him...and you knew that the age gap between you both was large but...you still wanted him.
You closed your computer and leaned back on the couch, you couldn't even do much except wait for him to show up or "conveniently" bump into him out in the hallway.
So, you just had to sit back and wait, wait until you saw him again or until your curiosity got the better of you.
Turns out, time was definitely not in your favor, not one bit.
Days passed, weeks, and eventually a month...
You thought you were never going to see Leon again, ever, he was always working or never home. You just wanted to see him, so one day...after getting off the computer from working all day, you decided to go next door and knock.
No harm, no foul...right?
You had just convinced yourself that you were doing the neighborly thing and going to check in on him.
You got dressed into a lavender lace underwear set, sliding on your favorite sundress. You brushed your hair out...you even shaved. You weren't expecting anything to happen but you just wanted to be prepared...right?
So you nervously walked out your front door and went next door, each footstep felt heavy as you stepped towards the oak. You didn't know if you should knock or...ring his bell...
Both made you feel like your heart was about to beat right out of your chest and catapult into the sky.
"I wonder..." you reached your hand towards the doorhandle, twisting it a little. You expected it to be locked and you'd just have to knock to see if he was home but...it opened and you gasped.
You walked into the apartment, knocking on the door as you entered.
And what you saw...shocked you a little.
Leon was resting on the couch, nursing a drink, a ton of other bottles were littered on the coffee table in front of him. You had no idea how much he had actually consumed but you stepped in and softly closed the front door behind you.
It felt wrong to be here, witnessing him like this, but curiosity poked at you so you stepped further in, going towards the living room where he was sat. He didn't even acknowledge your presence until you came up to the opposite side of the couch.
"What do you want?" his voice was tired and deep, gravelly as if he had been up for days. But god, he looked so damn good and you hated yourself for how your eyes scanned his face as he said it.
"I-I just came to check on you, your front door was unlocked." you say softly, motioning to the door behind you. Leon didn't say anything, he took another sip of his whiskey. "Seems you took happy hour a little bit too literal..." you laugh nervously.
He tossed back the remaining liquor in his glass and lazily looked over at you with dark eyes, "And what if I did?" his voice was sharp, he seemed bothered that you were even there to begin with.
Which you understood, you basically just walked in unannounced into his apartment. But...you were glad that you showed up when you did. He did not look his best and judging by the bottles littered on the coffee table, he had been at this awhile.
"You shouldn't be drinking alone, just saying." you commented, sitting on the arm of the couch. Your eyes scanned him as you waited his response. He spoke after a beat of silence, "Why not?" he pours more liquor into his glass.
"I got my own problems...and they aren't yours." Leon followed up, tossing some of his hair out of his eyes. He held the glass in his hand, sloshing it around and sending a small glare to where you sat on the arm of his couch.
You decide to take the moral high ground and not argue with him, "Because I want to help but you're being a stubborn ass...so." you pop out your lips and carefully take a seat on the couch next to him.
He leans forward as he looks at you, "and why do you even care?" he harshly said, taking another small sip of whiskey. That was a question, why did you care? You've always cared about people, but you were too stubborn to admit that that to him.
"I don't..." you said slowly. "You have made it obvious that I don't need to care about you." you mutter, looking away from him and at all the bottles sitting on the table in front of you.
Reverse psychology, works everytime. You smirk to yourself.
He leans back onto the couch cushions, eyeing you, "So if you don't care..." He trails off. "Why are you still here?" he asks with a stern tone, no harshness but just. Curiosity.
Because I wanted to check on you...and I want you to bend me over the table and rail me. You thought with a shake of your head, you could not say that...god, you sounded insane and...horny.
You just settle for, "It's complicated." as you lean back onto the couch, the dress pooling around your thighs as you do. "I do care...maybe...a little." or a lot, your brain corrects.
He sets his glass down, leaning towards you. "Well, if you care about me, get me another damn drink." He was being playful with his words, but his eyes still pierced your skin, all dark.
Disappointment pooled a little in your stomach at that, "That's all? That's all you want?" you blink at him. "Just more...alcohol..." you didn't let the disappointment in your eyes falter a little.
He speaks up as you adjust a little on the couch, "What do want me to say?" he takes another swig from his almost empty glass, looking over at you. "I'm an alcoholic...you want me to apologize? To say I'll change? Cause you and me both know that's a load of crap." Hiis tone sharpens as he says that, he scrunches his face up, almost wincing at his words.
"...you going to get me that drink?" he asks, his tone suddenly 10x calmer than before. You swallow and get up from his couch, "Fine. Whatever, doesn't matter." you clear your throat before going over to where his alcohol is sat on the counter.
You grab a glass off of the drying rack by the sink, an idea forming in your head. If you were going to be bold, best to have some liquid courage. So, you grab the glass and the other bottle of whiskey on the counter.
Leon was leaning back against the cushions of the couch, his hand running through his brown hair. When you come back into the room, you unscrew the lid on the bottle, not even looking at him, pouring some whiskey into his glass.
He sees her set down a glass too, as she sits down on the couch beside him. "Hey, uh, thanks." He looks at the drink and then back at you. You smooth the fabric of your dress out against your thighs.
Leon clears his throat, "You know what, how about we drink together?" He reaches out and grabs his glass, motioning towards the empty one you brought out. "Go ahead."
You don't need to be asked twice, he had taken the bait...or maybe he had planned this but deep down you doubted it. You take the glass, filling it up a little bit with the amber liquid.
You sigh a little, leaning back on cushions, taking a sip of the burning liquor. "Thanks."
He looks at your glass that rests in between your hand, on top of your eyes before they flit back up to your face. "So..." he fills the silence with his voice as you look over at him. "...What is this 'complicated thing' you have to say to me?" He quirks a brow at you.
I want you to absolutely ruin me...
You take another sip of the liquid as you look away from him, "Nothing, s' stupid." you say quietly, mumbling into your glass. The alcohol was starting to take affect a little bit. The small sips you've had burned your throat, but they urged you to stay sitting next to him on the couch.
He pauses then shakes his head, "No no," He looks over into your eyes. You look up at him as he talks, "you can't start a conversation and then back out." Leon takes another sip of his drink as he says this, eyes boring into you. His tone being playful and stern.
You rake a hand through your hair, taking another sip of whiskey.
"I can't even entertain the idea because...i'm 24 and you're...older." You admit bravely with a blush covering your face, taking a large gulp of the whiskey, throwing it back all at once. You felt his eyes bore holes into you as your heart almost pounds right out of your chest.
Leon stares at you for a beat and then shakes his head, "So?" he pauses and then speaks through a sigh. "Just because we got an age gap doesn't mean anything...unless you think I'm still dating high school girls."
You gulp, reaching forward and pouring more whiskey into your glass, then leaning back as he continues. "You think I'd try making a move on you?" Leon's deep blue eyes bore into your head as he's scanning your features, trying to read your reaction.
You blink a couple times, a blush still covering your face as you take a swig of the whiskey. "S' a little more complicated than that, Leon." you breathe.
Calm down, he's not gonna pounce on you, you think. But you would probably like it anyways.
"Well then, do you want to tell me, 'What's more complicated than that' or just keep beating around the damn bush?" He keeps glancing from his drink to you. Your breath stutters as you bring the glass back up to your lips, drinking another small gulp.
Maybe it was the alcohol or maybe it was you being truly bold but the next words you said put everything into motion for the rest of the night.
You inhale another gulp of air, looking over at him, trying not to look him directly into the eyes as you said this. "Maybe I've...thought about...you making a move on me..." you swallow.
"...and I've not entirely hated the idea." you admit to him, the silence of the room stretched around you and him as you said the words.
He pauses, you can see it out of your prochiral vision. "...What?" he says. Leon glances back down at his drink, his dark brown hair moving with him before he looks back up at you.
Raising a brow, he asks, "You're into me?"
And you swear your stomach might just fall out of your ass, you take a swig of whiskey, slowly. Shifting a little bit, crossing your legs so the fabric moves a little on your thighs.
"Well when you put it like that..." you sigh, looking down at the glass in your lap. "I might be...yeah." you admit.
"But it doesn't matter. Your older and you just...your way more mature than me and I'm just some stupid little 24-year-old girl with a dumb crush." You surprisingly admit, tossing back more whiskey. Your sober thoughts had started to come out the more you consumed his liquor.
You down the rest of the glass, waiting for him to say something beside you. You wouldn't dare look at him, he was so beautiful and just...god, you wanted him inside of you...
He swigs down the rest of his glass like you did only moments earlier. Leon rests both arms on the couch and looking up at you. His eyes were locked on you.
"I want you to answer me, honestly." His voice is slow and serious, stern. Almost like a father disciplining you, the thought of him ordering you around like that...it made your pussy throb for him.
"Yeah?" you ask, waiting for him to ask you whatever he needs to.
He steadies himself as he looks at her, responding, "Do you honestly think this can work? For a guy like me to start something with a girl like you?" Leon takes another sip of his alcohol as he looks at you again.
You listen to him speak, desperation and disappointment pooling in your belly as he talks. "...I work for a secret government agency, that no one knows about, I do...unsavory things for the good of this country and for people. I'm not the kind of guy you want to get mixed up with." He says slowly, warning you.
The message is loud and clear to you: don't start something you can't finish, especially with me.
Challenge accepted, you think.
"I know what you've done Leon..." you bravely say, looking at him with innocent eyes. "I'm not some naive girl, I've done my research." You toss more of the whiskey back into your mouth as you say this.
He looks up at you, his lips pressed into a thin line, he was trying to understand why you were defending him heavily. Leon was trying to even understand why you were over here in the first place.
He grips his glass a little, you watch him do this as he speaks again, envious of the glass in his hand.
"Then you also know the risks of being with someone like me?" Leon looks at you, scanning your body, his gaze dark. You swallow and slowly raise your glass back up to your lips, taking another sip of your drink.
He got you there. you think as you try to come up with a response that doesn't make you sound needy or desperate, even though you were.
But he didn't need to know that.
You press your thighs together, his gaze making want pool in your panties. "A-And what would I be risking exactly?" you say softly, your innocent eyes looking at him.
Leon exhales, tossing back the rest of his glass before sitting it on the coffee table in front of him. "Everything." he mutters. He pinches his brow as he leans back on the couch.
"You're 24, a damn kid to me, and if you honestly think it'll be easy sailing with me then just think...about all the ways that it could go wrong." He closes his eyes with a sigh, not out of frustration but out of the risk he would be taking...just to be with you.
His eyes scan your face for understanding, "If something happens to you...then I'd be the one to blame. Do you understand?" You blink and sit your glass down on coffee table next to his, releasing a breath.
You lean back on the couch, your back meeting the large cushions, yet again, and the heaviness that his words carried sobered you up. He trusted you with his secret, he was trying to make sure you were serious...that you weren't going to go running off on him.
He worked for the government, he told you and you realized that in that moment, he was probably not allowed to share such information. Especially, with you.
You did realize the weight of his words, what he was saying and trying to get you to understand.
"I'm...not a little kid, I know what I'm doing." You sigh, playing with the hem of your sundress, not daring to meet his eyes that were watching you with skepticism...almost wonder.
Leon nods, silently, thinking as he looks at the empty glass next to hers on the coffee table. "Why me? Why not someone your own age? Someone that doesn't work for the D.S.O?" he queries you with curious eyes.
You take a stuttering breath, admitting the truth. "None of the guys my age..." you start, trying to not let the alcohol fail you now. "...make me feel the way that you do...I don't know why but..." you shake your head as your face flushes, your eyes flitting up to meet his.
His eyes widen a little, if you weren't watching him so closely, you probably wouldn't notice the subtle shift. His tone shifts as he speaks, breathing out some air.
You watch him as he processes what you just said, looks like he had been slapped in the face. You almost want to take back your words, forget the pool in your underwear and leave but...then he speaks.
"You feel something...?" He trails off.
"Like what kind of...?" and you just press your thighs together and look at him with desperation in your eyes.
"I want..." you swallow. "You."
He doesn't say anything for a minute as he looks at you. Leon was processing your words, his eyes trailing down to your thighs that are pressed together, which just confirmed his thoughts.
You wanted this.
"I feel the same way..." He says, looking away towards his lap. You gasp a little at his words, your nerves still on fire. The alcohol buzzing through your body, making you feel electric at his eyes on you.
"But..." you didn't like the 'But', they were never good when spoken by a man you wanted.
"...just know what your getting yourself into..." His eyes return to yours as you bite the inside of your cheek, confusion at what he meant.
Did he mean in bed or...? because you could handle it. Or you would try for him...anything he wanted you would do.
Shamelessly enough, it made you aroused at the thought of him ordering you around. God, you just wanted him inside of you.
"As in? What?" you innocently ask, a knot forming in your lower stomach at the question.
Leon presses his lips into a line again, his harsh tone almost a bite as he speaks to you this time. You couldn't tell if he was just really impatient with you or if this was just his regular nature towards people.
"I already told you." He grumbles, leaning forward a little bit, elbows on his knees. "I'm not a good guy, not some knight in shining armor."
He shifts a little at this, continuing, "I do bad things for this country. Things that no one should have to do." The agent looks up at you, his eyes somewhat vulnerable. "Can you handle the things that I do?"
You just nod, vigorously.
Even though the thought of him having to kill people, kill things that were probably behind your comprehension. It scared you. But that was just the career he chose; it was his life, and he was the one to live it.
Not you.
His eyes turn dark in an instant, "Can you handle that part of me?"
You would be dripping on the couch by now if it wasn't for your underwear. You knew what he meant but the way he was looking at you with curiosity in his eyes.
It made you want him even more, if that was even possible.
You take a stuttering breath, your nerves getting the best of you, yet again as your cheeks flush, "I mean...I've...not run away yet? Right?" you let out a nervous laugh at this.
"Gotta mean something..." you offer him a nervous smile.
It almost looks ridiculous in your head, the way you're smiling at him as he just looks at you almost no emotion on his face. His gaze serious and his eyes dark, made you feel foolish and small to him.
As if what you said or did, didn't make any difference in the slightest.
Leon stares at you for a long moment, his eyes scanning your face, looking at your lips. The air is thick in the room, his breathing and yours taking up the sound.
Thats before he pulls you towards him, saying in an almost groan, "You have no idea how long I've wanted to do this."
You land on top of him almost as your legs go either side of his lap, straddling him. He has you close now, exactly where he wants you. His hands planted firmly on your hips, pulling your face close to his.
You could feel his breath against your lips, you grabbed onto his shoulders, keeping yourself steady. Removing one of his hands off of your hip, reaching up to trace the large pad of his thumb over your bottom lip. You part them only slightly.
"How do you want me to handle you?" He smirks a little, his words only echos in your ears. You were practically leaking, sitting on his lap lightly.
The want in his eyes, he would melt you into a puddle on the floor if he really wanted to.
As innocent and as sweet as you can muster, you say, "However you want..." The alcohol was making you bolder, pushing you to say and do things that would make more sober you, blush red.
He lightly pulls down your bottom lip with his thumb, "Good. Because..." he leans closer to you now, slowly dropping his thumb away from your mouth. "I wanna do this." he whispers, pressing his lips to yours.
You hum into the kiss, not even wasting any time as you kiss him back in a daze. His lips were soft, even softer than you imagined, they felt good against yours.
His tongue teases your lips, you let him in, now kissing more messily and frantically. You were starved and he was feeding you, giving exactly what your touch starved body, desired.
"Taste so good, baby." He mumbles in between kisses, that only spurs you on more, pressing a bruising kiss too his lips. Leon groans against the kiss pressing you directly on to his crotch.
You felt his erection as you whimpered into the kiss, carefully rolling your hips against it. He felt so big and he probably wasn't even fully hard yet.
"What? Feel good? You like grinding down on my dick?" He whispers, pulling his lips away from you and moving them down to your jaw. The foul words made your stomach coil, you nodded as you pressed your clothed entrance against it again.
"God, baby, so needy." He sucks at the skin on your neck, making your pussy throb at his words. You keep grinding down on his dick as he groaned against your neck. "Fuck." you heard him say as you kept rolling your hips over his clothed erection.
"Feels s'good." You whimper, your voice breaking in desperation.
"I know, babygirl, fuck..." He groans as your hips keep up their unrelenting pace. He holds onto your hips for dear life as he keeps sucking and nipping at your neck.
You feel that coil unwind, feel yourself become closer as you release a soft moan, filling the air. Your hands hold onto his head, gripping his hair. "Leon..." you moan, pressing yourself harder on his clothed dick.
"What do you want baby? You wanna cum? Wanna cum for me?" He growls into your ear as you keep up the pace, feeling your stomach bubble. You bite your lip and nod.
"Use your words for me." He orders. You whimper and keep going, trying to find the words without releasing a moan instead. "W-Wanna cum for you d-" you stop yourself as you moan. Your eyes almost going wide at the word that almost slipped out of your lips.
"What was that? Couldn't hear you sweetgirl?" he teases, licking the sensitive part of your neck. You whine again, so close to your release, he grips your hips, stopping you from moving.
You almost cry, feeling your release just barely in your grasp. "What did you say baby? Be a good girl and use your words for me." he growls, holding your chin in his hands, forcing you to look at him.
You bite your lip at his hungry gaze, "Daddy..." you mutter.
His eyes don't widen and if he's shocked, he doesn't show it. You expected him to kick you out and to never see him again as you muttered it.
But to your surprise he looks up at you with hunger. "You want to suck on Daddies cock?" He growls, as you gasp and nod at his words. Not expecting him to just fall into your kink so easily, most guys are embarrassed to have you call them that in bed.
Most guys weren't Leon.
"Okay, baby, go ahead. Show me how good you feel." He releases the grip on your hips, letting you continue to grind against his clothed erection.
"Mmmm, want you so bad, daddy." you whimper as you keep rolling your hips down, harder, your release slowly building again. The friction was making you leak, probably dripping onto his dark jeans.
He groans, watching as your hips move over his. "What do you want Baby? My fingers?"
You shake your head, close to cuming in your underwear. "Want your cock, daddy. Been...wanting it...forever." You say through a moan. Keeping your assault against his hips.
"How long?" he grunts, holding onto your hips tightly as you move them frantically.
You lean back your head in a moan, the coil unwinding again, "Since...I first...saw you." you admit in a daze, letting your hands grip his biceps, probably drawing blood.
"Fuck...baby, if I knew you would've wanted this sooner. I would've just given it to you." He bites his lip in a whimper, he was probably about to cum in his pants. You were almost there, barely, you just needed his words and his touch for the coil to finally break.
You admit another thing, to get his attention as your fucking yourself against him, "I fucked myself to the thought of you..."
"How? Your fingers or..." he trails off in lust as he remembers a month ago when delivered that package to your door. How flushed you were as he stood there, eyeing him, and how you bit your cheek at his words.
"You fucking little..." he trails off in a moan, you roll your hips harder. "Fucked my vibrator, pretended it was your cock..." you moan again, rolling your head forward onto his shoulder.
You were reaching it, fast, you could feel it.
"Gunna cum, daddy, gunna cum." You whimper fucking your hips faster against his clothed erection. He has gripped onto your hips letting you come undone on top of him.
"Cum for me, baby." He growls.
"More, say more, so close..." You whine, into his shoulder.
Leon kept you steady as you rocked, trying to talk you through your impending orgasm. "Going to fuck you so good. You'll be feeling...it for days." he said.
"Oh god, daddy, yes..." you reach your peak, cuming hard in your underwear, basically ruined and soaked in your juices now. He softly touches your face, moving hair back behind your ear as you ride out your high against his erection.
Leon is the one to speak first afterwards and your thankful. Worried that he would be thinking it was awkward for you to have come undone just by humping him.
"How do you feel, baby?" He asks, his voice low but sweet as he traces his thumb over your cheek.
"Felt good, felt really good." You mumble to him. You look down between you at the wet spot you left on his jeans. "I'm sorry..." You start, your cheeks heating up with embarrassment.
He shakes his head, looking at you gently, "It's okay. I can just wash them." He is still tracing his finger over your cheek as looks at you, you don't know what he is thinking but it makes you nervous not knowing.
"Did you really mean what you said?" you ask, trying not to seem shy under his gaze when you literally just came undone on top of him.
"About what, baby?" He brushes his thumb over your bottom lip again. You blink slowly trying not to seem desperate or whiny, you still wanted him. You wanted him to fuck you. The release on his lap only made it worse.
"Fucking me...until I can't...walk or something like that?" you ask, nerves overtaking you again as you gaze into his blue eyes. Feeling him still hard beneath you.
"You still not satisfied, babygirl? You need daddy's cock?" He teases with a smirk, watching as you shiver underneath him with nothing but his words and his soft touch.
You nod frantically, he moves his other hand up to tuck some hair back behind your ear. "Words, use your words." He sternly says and you recoil a little at his order.
Something bubbled in your belly, you didn't know if it was his authority or...what but jesus. You wanted to do anything he asked.
"Yes, daddy, I want your cock." you say sweetly, trying not to seem nervous under his gaze and his hands slowly lifting up your sundress. He licks his lips, looking at the dark spot on his jeans from your cum.
"You made a mess on daddy's lap, baby. You've been naughty, very naughty. I don't think I should let you have my cock." Leon teases, smirking as he twirls a strand of your hair between his fingers.
His cock was uncomfortably hard beneath you, made your want pool in your lower stomach all over again. “Daddy, please.” you whimper, pathetically, trying to roll your hips again.
“Just want you inside me…” you whimper, trying to get more friction, anything or everything. You don’t care anymore.
"I'll take care of you, baby. I'll be good to you." You whimper at his words, trying not to wiggle anymore for friction. He carefully lays you down on the couch, on your back.
He leans up and presses a bruising kiss to her lips, his hand stroking her thigh, “Such a good girl for me.” He mumbles in between languid strokes of his tongue.
You want him everywhere, you don’t know how much long you can keep this up, he already made you cum once and that wasn’t even by his own accord.
He reaches down and carefully runs a finger up her soaked underwear, pressing a sloppy kiss to your jaw as he does. Your chest is rising and falling as he teases your already soaked panties.
“Baby, you’re underwear is soaked.” He lowly chuckles as he presses another kiss to your lips. You whimper in anticipation as he plays with the hem of your panties.
Leon leans back, he smirks, “Or is that because you drenched yourself once already?” He asks as he finally pulls the underwear down your legs.
You nod frantically, not sure if he was actually asking or just commenting on your current state of arousal. He slips a hand through your wet folds, causing you to shiver.
"Use your words, babygirl." He says as he just brushes his finger lightly across your clit, causing you to whimper. You look up into his dark blue eyes, "S' all for you, daddy." You say as he pushes your sundress up with his hand.
"All that just from grinding on my dick, sweetheart?" He tuts, running his hand down your stomach and too your aching cunt. You writhe under him with another frantic nod.
He tuts, "You dirty girl." Leon smirks as he teases your clit again with his fingers, running the pad of his thumb over the sensitive bud. You shiver and feel a wave of arousal at his thumb's movements.
You let out a small moan as he continues to stroke it. This seems to catch his attention. You were already so needy and sensitive from the orgasm moments before.
"You think you can take my fingers, baby?" He groans as he continues to stroke your clit, you feel another orgasm bubbling in the pit of your stomach as you nod, "Yes, daddy."
He complies, seeing that your answer was good enough to slip one finger into your tight and needy cunt. "Uhh! Daddy!" you moan, his fingers were much larger and thicker than you even imagined, stretching you out beyond your imagination.
"You like that? You like my fingers fucking into your tiny hole, baby?" He whispers dirtily into your ear as you let out another strangled moan.
"Yes...yes!" You whine as your orgasm slowly builds again, he's pumping his finger in and out of you at a faster rate now, your whines and moans echo through the large loft apartment.
Leon keeps flicking his thumb over your clit as he pumps his finger in and out of you, you grip onto his bicep so hard you think you might draw blood, again.
"What if I just..." he says lowly as he removes his finger, quickly adding a second one. "...do this?" you practically moan out, it's pathetic really because it's not even his cock that's got you like this.
It's two of his fingers pumping in and out of your drenched hole, stretching you out and making you edge closer to the second orgasm.
"Daddy! Please don't stop! Feels s' good." You say, biting your lip, your back arching off the couch as he finger fucks you into oblivion. You babble more about his fingers pumping in and out of you.
"My cock is going to feel so good inside of you, sweetheart." He whispers into your ear, his words spurring you on as you feel your second release coming up. You release a pornographic moan as he curls his fingers.
"Please! Please! Please, daddy. Need you inside me so bad." you whine as you feel your second orgasm rapidly approaching. He presses more kisses into your neck as he groans.
"Gonna fuck your tight little hole so good, baby. You'll be feeling it for days." He rasps into the skin of your neck as he speeds the movement of his fingers, his thumb assaulting your clit.
His words making you clench against his fingers with trembling thighs, you grab harder onto his bicep as you reach your second release, "Fuck! I'm -- coming!" You pathetically moan.
"Good girl, drenching my fingers." He coos as he presses a featherlight kiss onto her jaw. He slowly works you down from your orgasm, slowing down his fingers as you finally catch your breath.
Your chest rises and falls, feeling like you just ran a marathon. Leon pulls his fingers out of you with a languid groan as he sits back, keeping eye contact with you.
Two drenched fingers rise as you look at them with a small whimper, he smirks a little before putting them into his mouth, sucking your release off of his fingers.
"Sweet, just as I thought." He softly says, leaning back over you, slotting himself between your hips. He braces himself on either side of your head as he presses his lips to yours.
You moan into his mouth, tasting yourself on his tongue as he sloppily kisses and licks your lips, your arms chaining around his neck.
You sloppily make out for a few seconds, moaning and groaning from you both are the only sounds heard in the loft apartment. His clothed erection makes contact with your sensitive core again, making you clutch onto his lips tighter, whimpering.
"Please, I want...I want it." you say softly, begging him in a whine as you try to meet his erection that keeps brushing up against your clit.
Something dark gleams in Leon's eyes as he looks at you, seeing you all pathetic, whining underneath him for his cock. "Ask me, very nicely baby. Maybe I'll consider fucking you good." He says with an evil sort of grin as he teases her. He was going to fuck her anyways but teasing her was just part of the fun.
She whimpered as she looked up at him, "Don't make me."
Leon smirks down at her grabbing a hold on her chin, forcing her to look right into his eyes, blue and daring as he looks at her. "You'll ask nicely or not get anything at all." He says in a stern voice, holding onto her jaw with a strong hand. "Is that clear?"
Fuck. Me.
She feels her drenched core throb at his voice, so stern and demanding making her nod her head vigorously. "Yes, daddy." She says as she looks up at him, biting her lip.
He nods with a smirk, "good, now ask." He removes his hand from her chin, making sure her eyes are still locked on his. She swallows a little and tries to gain what's left of her breath to ask him.
The silence hangs as she utters the words, they both need to hear, "Please fuck me, daddy." she asks softly as she looks into his eyes. She didn't know how much longer she could last, the arousal was getting uncomfortable at this point.
Luckily, she wouldn't have to wait much longer, Leon's face spread into a mischievous smirk. "Good girl." He says with a small squeeze to her ass.
Woah, when did his hands get there? Fuck.
You practically mewl at his praise, he props himself up back up on his knees, still in between your thighs. You watch as he undoes his belt, pulling his pants down to reveal his hard on in his boxers. She whimpers and tries to grab for it to touch it, he moves her hand away.
"No, no. If you do that, I'll cum without you. Hands off." He says sternly and you nod at him, biting your lip as you obey him. "Sorry, Daddy." she says softly.
He smiles at you gently as he pushes his boxers down, his cock springing free. She swallows and looks from it to his face, practically drooling.
Holy shit, oh my god...
"It's okay baby, I'll give you what you want." He says as he caresses her face with his hand, you lean into the touch as he moves down to be on top of you again, his large cock brushing against your entrance causing you to whine pathetically.
"Oh, so whiny. Shhh, you'll get it. Be patient." He murmurs into your ear, hands resting on the couch pillow behind you. You had no choice but to wait, your hips bucked a little, trying to see past the teasing and desperately find some friction.
He reached down between you, grabbing his dick and running it through your wet and overstimulated pussy. "Daddy..." You find yourself whining again. He nudges the tip against your entrance, his large hand guiding it.
"Mmm, still so wet for me baby, good girl." He groaned into your ear as he let the tip nudge your opening and slip in a little. You moan softly, feeling the head of his cock in your pussy. "Please..." She whines, holding onto his bicep in a vice grip.
He chuckles in your ear, his voice soothing. "Okay, okay baby, no more teasing." He lets his hips move slowly inside of her, his dick stretching her out. The white heat burned but felt so good, your skin was on fire in the best way possible.
"Daddy." you whine as you bite down on your lip hard enough, your eyes squeezing shut as stars danced in your vision. She leaned her head back, lips parting in a silent scream. "So tight around me, fuck." He says in almost a low growl, nipping at your earlobe.
Your pussy would never be the same, he was sliding all the way in until the head of his dick hit your cervix. She whimpered and clawed at his arm, probably leaving scratch marks later, neither of them seemed to care right now.
He started moving his hips, hitting her deeper and deeper with each thrust. "God, yes. Fuck." He cursed into her ear as he fucked her hard and deep. "Daddy!" she moaned loudly, not even caring if the neighbors in the other loft apartments could hear them.
"So, fucking good, so good." He repeats into her ear, she clenches around him, feeling more arousal as his words spur her on more, her legs going to wrap around his hips, letting him go as deep and fast as he wants with her.
He takes the hint, slipping his hand under her dress, palming her tit over her bra. His hips moved faster as if he was a wild animal, hitting deep inside of her. She cries and whimpers around his cock as it hits that spot over and over.
"Daddy, daddy, mmm..." He was fucking the words right out of you. You couldn't even form any thoughts as he pounded into you. She felt something bubbling in her belly as he fucked her. She dug her fingernails into his skin, his face buried in her neck, licking and biting. "Daddy, not going to...last..." She whimpers as he presses a final bite to her neck.
He leans his head up to look at her as he pounds into her, she looks into his eyes, she sees how his face is scrunched up in pleasure as he pounds into you. "I know, you going to cum for daddy?" He asks in a small smirk, his face watching hers as she nods and starts to moan a little bit louder.
"Yes, gonna...gonna cum!" She moans out pathetically as he sees her whimpering and whining on his cock. He presses a bruising kiss to her lips, his hand holding onto her hips steadily as he keeps up his hips.
You moan into the kiss, letting him rail into her with no hesitation. "Cum for me baby." he whispers against her lips; she lets her eyes roll back as she finally releases on his cock. He groans as she cums around his cock, squeezing it and milking it with her pussy.
"Good girl, good girl." He says with a smirk as he continues fucking her through it to reach his own release. She whimpers and whines, holding onto him tighter and moaning. Eventually, he fills her up with his cum. He lets his hips stutter against hers, she lets her core tighten around his dick, sucking his cum in. "So good..."
He nods with a soft and simple smirk, leaning down to press a kiss against her lips. "You did good, very good." You feel yourself melt at him and his words as he pulls away, slipping out of you. You both moan softly at the loss, your eyes lazily falling shut.
His cum mixed with yours drips out of your stretched entrance, he tucks himself back in his boxers and pants, climbing off the couch. "Stay there, I'll clean you up." Leon says in a soft smile as he walks out of sight for a second before coming back with a washcloth and wiping your shared mess up.
The washcloth makes contact with her sensitive clit, causing her to jerk away a little. He puts a supportive hand on your knee, gently rubbing circles on it. "It's okay, shh." He says soothingly.
She nods at him dumbly, watching him with lazy eyes as he gets up and puts the washcloth in the laundry room, tossing it on the floor. He comes back and sits beside your open legs, he grabs your underwear, slipping them back over your legs, you lift your hips and let him cover your core completely.
"C'mere." He motions for you to move closer next to him, she gets up and weakly moves over, resting her head on his lap. Leon looks down at you, playing with your hair. "Feel better now?" He asks you simply, being gentle with his touches.
"Much better." you reply. And you think that you just might be.
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hardboiledleggs · 2 years ago
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Tattoo Artist Eddie Munson Part 2
Part 1 Here!
I could kiss all of you consensually on the mouth, you were so nice about part 1 I cried several times. Here is the long awaited part 2, which I am considering turning into a full length fic on ao3 so if anyone wants to follow me there here it is! Sorry it is so short! This is mostly a stepping stone for my plan for part 3. As always, if anyone would like to be added to my permanent Steddie fic tag list or the tag list for this fic specifically, let me know below :)
~~~
As a general rule, Steve considers himself a confident person. Unfortunately, there’s something about Eddie Munson that reduces him to a nervous, sweaty wreck with decidedly NOT perfect hair. Every time he pulls the now well-worn scrap of paper with Eddie’s number from his pocket, his heart rate jumps to an unhealthy level, and he stuffs it away. This has, of course, royally pissed off Robin Buckley.
“I mean, Jesus Christ, Steve. What is the point of getting a cute guy’s number if you aren’t even going to use it? I think I would have called him more than you have by now, and he doesn’t even have boobies!”
Steve crosses his arms and lets out a disgruntled huff. “Look, I told him some seriously personal stuff, okay? I doubt he even wants me to call him.”
Robin shoots him a deadly glare as she restocks the chocolate chunk ice cream, her stern look tempered slightly by her ridiculous sailor outfit. Scoops Ahoy is an okay place to work, all things considered, but Steve has considered reporting the ice cream shop to the Better Business Bureau for the uniforms alone.
“Why the hell would he give you his number, then? Please don’t be a dingus,” she snorts as she wipes an arm across her sweaty forehead.
“He probably felt bad for me, okay? Seriously. If I had told you that story, you wouldn’t be like ‘Wow, can’t wait to jump his bones!’ You’d think I was a pathetic dude with daddy issues,” Steve groans, flopping forward against the counter. His track record with guys had been, so far, awful. It was hard enough to be a bisexual man in the 80s, let alone in a small town in Indiana. One wrong move, the wrong word, and he could be arrested or worse. It didn’t give a guy a whole lot of confidence.
“For the record, I wouldn’t have wanted to jump your bones regardless, but whatever,” Robin says dryly. Her eyes are soft as she catches his arm. “Just don’t let yourself lose out on something nice ‘cause you’re scared, okay?”
Steve doesn’t look at her as he tugs out of her grip and starts organizing the spoons.
~~~
Eddie Munson has always hated places like the Starcourt Mall. There are always way too many people, too much erroneous noise, and the workers start to follow you around the store if you start touching everything that looks like it might be soft. However, even he cannot deny the hypnotic pull of a brand-new Tower Records shop.
Weaving in between soccer moms and bubblegum-chewing teenage girls, he skids around a corner and gazes above the heads of the crowd, trying to spot the Tower Records logo amongst the perms. Nothing catches his eye except a blue and red neon sign flashing ‘Scoops Ahoy Ice Cream Parlor’ across the mall. Figuring there were worse places to take a break and get directions, Eddie shrugs and fights his way through the crowd and steps into the nautical ice cream parlor.
The man at the counter has his back to Eddie, but upon hearing Eddie’s boots squeak on the linoleum he turns and begins to recite sullenly, as if from a drilling manual; “Ahoy, are you ready to set off into an ocean of flavor with me as your capt-“
Steve snaps his mouth shut when he makes eye contact with Eddie. In comparison, Eddie’s mouth is gaping like a beached trout, and he doesn’t seem to have the capacity to shut it, because Steve, “tattoo boy who he had moaned and whined about to Argyle for literal hours” Steve, is standing right in front of him in tiny shorts and a sailor’s hat and is that lip gloss?
His face is on fire, smoke might be coming out of his ears, but he can’t bring himself to look away from the shorts. Apparently, the Scoops Ahoy motto was “Serve ice cream and invade Eddie Munson’s wet dreams for at least a month!” Eddie shifts his weight from foot to foot, his discomfort growing as the silence stretches longer. It had been days since they’d met, and Steve hadn’t called once. Wayne had gotten so sick of him asking if he had any messages that he’d threatened to tear the phone out of the wall.
“Well, hiya Stevie. How’d that ink turn out? Thought I might get to hear about it after you left, but I think my phone might be busted? That, or my uncle is lying to me about not getting any messages.” There. False bravado. The tried and true method of any queer man about to get rejected by an obscenely handsome ice cream salesman.
“I’m sorry,” Steve blurts. His hands twitch, as though he wanted to reach across the grimy counter but thought better of it at the last second. “I didn’t know how to call you and… so I didn’t.”
His face is ashen, full lips parted as he breathes. Eddie thinks he might never see a more beautiful thing in his life, but he takes a step back, a false grin stretching his lips into a practiced and careful expression.
“Hey, man, no big deal. I misread things. It happens! You were darling, and I am well-known for my sweet tooth.” He smiles a real smile this time and holds out his hand to shake. “No hard feelings as long as you can point me in the direction of the new record store?”
Steve stares at his ring-clad fingers for too long before he turns and starts to wrestle with the junky cash register on the counter. Something snaps as he yanks it open and fumbles for the receipt paper, tearing off a sheet and beginning to scribble furiously. Eddie is just thinking to himself that this guy must think he’s too stupid to remember one or two sentences of directions when the paper is shoved into his outstretched hand. Steve has scrawled his full name and number in thin, slanted handwriting.
A bubble of hope rises in Eddie’s chest as he stares at the piece of paper in his hand. This isn’t platonic with a capital P. Or at least if it is, the universe is mean and should reevaluate how it operates.
“This way you can call me, because I’m a total chickenshit and am definitely terrified of you,” Steve declares as he gnaws on his bottom lip. “Or if I fucked it up that’s whatever and I get it. The record store is like 15 stores down to the right.” He looks like a puppy someone had kicked and left out in the rain.
“When is your shift over? Or rather, when will you be home and sitting by the phone?” Eddie asks in a breathless rush.
Steve’s face brightens with a shy but triumphant smile. “I’m off at 7, home by 7:15!”
“7:30, loverboy. I need a ride.” The pane of frosted glass behind Steve slides open, revealing a pretty girl in a similar uniform to her coworker, although her outfit isn’t having quite the same effect on Eddie as Steve’s is. Grinning like a hyena, she pulls a whiteboard out from behind her and uncaps a marker, putting a single tally in a column labeled “You Rule” that has thus far remained empty. Steve tosses a waffle cone at her head, which she ducks, before sliding the panel shut once more.
“7:30 then. Got it. Expect my call, big boy,” Eddie bows theatrically. He steps backward, attempting a suave exit, and spins around before he can say anything else horrific and embarrassing like “Need a skipper for your next voyage?”
As he is hurrying out of the shop, he hears a crash and a shout of “Buckley, you are so dead!” Eddie grins and stares down at the phone number in his hand, trip to the record store completely forgotten. Steve Harrington had no idea what he was signing up for.
~~~
If I tag you in error I am so sorry!! Please message me or comment and I will take you off no hard feelings I am super frazzled by the response to this series and very likely have screwed up this list. If I missed your name feel free to absolutely roast me in the comments :) I can take the heat
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