#maybe I’ll ask my dad ..
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my mom used to love me so much.
#i know i’ll feel a bit better once i’ve slept#i’m just having sad boy hours#missing the feeling of being best friends with my mom#she’s hurt my feelings so much recently#but i still remember watching star trek with her every sunday growing up#i still remember being 6 and her sitting on the tile bathroom floor with me when i was sick#i still remember asking for the same homemade chocolate cake for my birthday for years#i still remember her nickname for me—pooka shell#i still remember sorting thru a jar of change with her trying to find cool old coins#i still remember how excited she gets to show me her yard and garden projects#i still remember her playing piano while my dad plays viola—both of them haltingly and imperfect and wonderful#i still remember how she would let me be the first one to let go of a hug#etc etc etc#she still tells me she loves me and maybe it’s true#but will she ever want me around on her birthday again?#trans boy#transmasc#exmo#exmormon
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EEEK good afternoon friends and happy sunday !! ⸜(*ˊᗜˋ*)⸝ i hope everyones day is full of love and i’m sending all of you SOSO many smoochies !! MWUUUUAH !! 🍓
#ITS DEMON SLAYER DAY !! YIPEEEE !! >//<#im gonna go watch the new epi and giggle when sanemi shows up on screen :3#i know i said yesterday i’d be answering asks but… i fear i didn’t… so today for SURE !! >//<#i dont have work until wednesday so i should be more active !! WOOHOO !! :>#my friend might be coming to town so maybe we’ll end up spending some time together !! <3#lately i’ve been seriously missing kita and tetsu </3 they’re all i read about lately SOB !! T^T#i need to talk much more about tetsu & i’s selfship </3 the lore has not been updated i fear…#and kita !! my handsome perfect husband SNIFF !! hes taken over my whole heart methinks </3#i definitely need to visit some inboxes soon !! :p#WAHHH !! ALSO !!! supa excited for two things :>#one is my suo acrylic stands are coming soon !! i mightve went overboard i fear… i bought 4 </3#and second !! im going to my first concert with my dad teehee !! cage the elephants :0 aka the makers of cigarette daydream YAYAYAYYYY !!!#soso excited for new adventures to come teehee !! but not excited for the heat… its supposed to be around 120° which is… VERY HOT !! </3#anywhosies i’ll wrap this yap up with a big smooch & bear hug to all of you <3 MWUUUUAH !! :3#₍ᐢ..ᐢ₎ — lene’s latest gossip .ᐟ
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Cyn I just want you to know how much brainrot you give me-
I’m literally screaming in the discord server about the teasers you’ve dropped with Slime, and my brain is just going through so many scenarios that could occur to get us from the text teaser to the art-
Like did Schlatt have to quickly swallow him to protect him? Did Ted do this? And Slime looks so nervous, has he even been eaten before? Does he know it’s safe?
You’ve given me so much brainrot and I will now rotate this in my head like leftover pizza in the microwave-
THANK YOU SM!!!! <3
YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HAPPY THAT MAKES ME AS SOMEONE WHO ALSO FREQUENTLY ROTATES THE SHRUNKEN MANHUNT AU IN MY HEAD LIKE THAT ONE GIF OF THE DANCING COW
anyway i’ll give you a hint: you did correctly guess the plot with one of those first two questions but i can’t say which just yet, and while I did have a way that Charlie got nommed for the first time, i’m retconning it for the sake of this story if that tells you anything >:)
#Raven the absolute beloved#also i’d love to talk about it in the discord w/ you if i can figure out which server 👀#i’m on two of them but idk which is active now#the mcyt g/t community one and the one with the hoglin uh oh stinky monkey face as the pfp#ANYWAY#ty for the ask i love talking about my nonsense 🫶#maybe i’ll post another teaser if the story keeps taking this long who knows…#mcyt gt#mcyt g/t#cyncerity#dad’s troubles au#tw vore mention
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Favorite movie of the 80s?
[wearing my shirt that says I ❤️ considering the further implications of androids and cybernetics in science fiction ] it’s blade runner
#fun fact I’ve only seen the director’s cut. I’ve never seen the original#asks#ohhh maybe I’ll rewatch it tonight when my dad gets home
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nia, r u doing ok??
No.
#funniest ask to receive after my long as fuck analysis of which of my OCs are alcoholics lmao#but on a more serious note#let’s just say that I heavily relate to the this is fine dog rn#everything I spent the entire summer working towards fell apart in one day because of the tiniest mistake and I still haven’t processed it#my life is spiralling out of control and there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it#my dad went out of his way to make my workload for the year that much harder for literally no reason#and I’m genuinely reaching the end of my rope#to the point I’m not even sure if I’ll make it to my birthday#but that’s something I am not going to talk about on tumblr of all places#basically. shit’s fucked. I’m fucked. and I continue to overindulge in my obsessions to keep at least some sanity#that’s gonna stop working one day. what the fuck am I gonna do then?#well. that’s for me to find out eventually. maybe. or maybe not#depends if I’ll make it that far#OKAY AND THAT’S ENOUGH RAMBLING FFS NIA SHUT UP AND GO TO THERAPY OR SMTH#you’re scaring everyone#or go eat. or sleep. stop neglecting both of those#but most of all just shut up
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Sleeping in + passing out for an extra four hours in the middle of the day. I am one with my bed
#the minister speaks#have a headache now from like. idk oversleeping#or something#I’m sdamn tired#would love to have one of my edibles I just got tonight but when I’m this tired#it just fucks with my sleep more than it helps#regardless of type honestly#I’ll wait until I go to dad’s maybe#I got some for him for father’s day. Sunday (stepmom) asked if I could bring him a treat or some edibles and I was like I can do both what#does he like#and they had his favs at the dispensary I stopped at with mom so YAY!#and I’m making molasses cookies with a family recipe this Saturday#to bring#so I’m set and everything basically#I’m just SO tired#jambalaya tonight for dinner so that’ll be good#deciding what I want 2 watch later#got a couple days to chill I think
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my mom found the thing that started the fight that got me kicked out. so i was right. in my fantasies this happens and it’s great in real life im gonna jump her
#personal#now i gotta call amazon like no sorry my mom looked again and found it#it’s happened to me i get it. you look everywhere and it’s just not there#but oh my god. i was like shit did i send it??? i only remember the other camera? i only remember that one in there#then it’s like well maybe i did take it on accident#and then i was like am i getting so high all the time again that i sent it too???? and don’t remember? that’s pathetic mm#so i called them and god hard to find their number but call and get a note put in the system like hey might have done an oppsie#and that took forever and i did it next day after the fight bc i did feel bad#which was at workkkk 😔#now i gotta call them back nutssssss#also getting my dads ashes separated for my siblings#which either need to do flex time to do that or take day off#which i’ve been doing a lot like hey im sick!#hey! my house got broken into!!#hi again!!! it happened again!!!!#luckily one was a mental health day so ur boys only called out twice yeahhhhhhh#but anyway honestly just happy i let them know the urn situation is 100% on you#said nicer#but i was like hey if u have one just send it to me or the cremation place has some just see if u like any#and i’ll see if it’s easier to pay online or give it to me and i pay them#but urns easily 100 bucks if not more. granted looked at metal before wood but still. ain’t noooooooooooooo way#if it was like. 20 bucks i could see myself being like okay ill fork it over and deliver the goods (dad)#and i’ll rant this everytime but especially when i asked about this when we were funeral planning and before i got them and got told to#basically shut up. no. that trip was super hard didn’t wanna have to do it a couple times#i remember i came home with dad sobbing he was buckled in and i got him out and was just holding him#and i let everyone know hey dads home he’s safe#and i’m distraught holding my dad but distraught and talking to him#and first thing my brother says is when can we get some of the ashes too?#no asking me hey. u alright? no im happy dads home safe nothing just. sooooo#oh i could have killed i could have KILLED.
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[video description: hozier at a concert in amsterdam, playing an unreleased song about icarus. only the beginning of the song is recorded (about a minute and a half). /end description]
@satans-poptarts
#the concert was. absolutely incredible#don’t have more words atm bc I’ve very tired just. <33333333#elli rambles#they played another unreleased song but I didn’t film it </3#maybe my dad did tho I’ll ask him tomorrow#wow this took. ages to post
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I’m really starting to feel like Gregor Samsa now
#exjw#going pomo#my mom knows I’m gay and also “opposed” but my dad doesn’t yet so I’m hiding in my room#So naturally I don’t feel well; but I’m going to work anyway because I don’t feel as bad there as I do here#Now all I need is for my dad to throw something at me (I don’t think he would but I wouldn’t be surprised if he did)#I think my mom is hoping that maybe when I start ADHD meds I’ll “come to my senses”#because she asked if I thought my ADHD had anything to do with my decisions#And she went on and on yesterday reading stuff she researched about these specific meds#Like… no? If anything the ADHD meds will make me pack up faster because then I won’t be as inhibited to gtfo#She oddly doesn’t seem as angry/sad as I thought she would; so maybe she hasn’t fully accepted it yet#I start meds tomorrow btw so we’ll see what happens. Hell of a time to be messing with my brain chemistry sjdjdjdjdndndn#This will either make things way better or way worse. We’ll see#I’m just afraid that they’ll make my already VERY high anxiety worse because they are stimulants#the anxiety wasn’t high before but it is now that I’m obligated to tell my dad knowing how much he hates gays#I don’t want to suddenly pass out projectile vomit or shit myself; because that’s what high anxiety does to me#I’ve almost passed out twice because of nerves in the past year in reaction to this situation#one such incident occurring just three days ago… while projectile vomiting
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the biggest barrier to me biking is how heavy my bike is so then i dont wanna take it down the stairs (and i physically can but psychologically speaking) but also idk if i buy a lighter bike will i discover a new barrier in my head again
#maybe i’ll ask for a new bike for christmas so that way i dont have to feel bad abt spending money on one 😭😭😭#my dad’s huge on cycling so he’d also be able to pick one well lol
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Send me a character and I’ll rate their dilf and/or daddy energy.
#delirious speaks#maybe I’ll throw in some thoughts too#obvs all my own opinions and yours may vary#ask game#does not have to be a canonical dad to play
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enrichment time <- not only are they not starving they also bought a cup noodle flavor they haven’t tried :3
#marlo’s stuff#got a croissant first cause i got too scared to ask if there was water icould use to cook the noodles#but i’ll try the noodles at home#or maybe tmrw if my dad happens to grab food today
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maybe making this mapo tofu will fix me
#the ancestors are ROOTING for me lmao#but also!!! food as a way to explore diaspora!!!#that’s like half my poetry lmao#maybe I’ll make jook too….#one of the most precious things in my life is talking to my grandma about#her dad who was from china & a fabulous chef#& then infusing those details into my own cooking & writing <3#I’ll never forget the KINDNESS of this woman#who works at my favourite restaurant back home#before I moved away to school I asked her how they make their fried rice and she was like#noooo then you won’t ever come back!#(I’ve been buying there since I was 14 hehe)#and I was like nooooo I’ll never be able to make it as well as u im just moving!#and she ACTUALLY TOLD ME#I wrote a poem about that it meant a lot to me lol like that’s a very#personal & kind thing she did#never been able to recreate it as well as her obviously#so I always always always go back <3
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hey, i know covid sucks right now, but it’ll get better ok? maybe read a book you’ve been meaning to read, get plenty to eat and drink, and take care of yourself above all. i wish i could be there to hold you and take care of you while you’re sick, but you’re always in my thoughts. and i wish it was under better circumstances, but i hope you know: i’m happy to see you on my dash again. i missed you a lot.
-🌸
#^^^ me and you 🥺🥺#thank you so much for everything#you are such a sweetheart I can’t handle it!!!#all of your encouraging and heart warming asks mean the world to me#truly#like I’ve said before even if I don’t reply every single ask means so much to me#whenever I see the 🌸 I always feel warmth and love 🥰#maybe I’ll try to read a book!#I’m definitely one of those girlies who has a billion books cause I love books but my attention span sometimes doesn’t let me read#so maybe this will be the perfect time to get back into reading!#I was thinking about doing some of my paint by number painting that I’m doing for my dad#but idk if that’s the best idea???#sounds super dumb and I know it’s probably my anxiety and germaphobia and all that bullshit#but will covid get onto the painting if I paint while I’m sick?????#sounds so so dumb but my mind keeps going there hahaha#awwww you’re so cute 🥰#yes I was taking a break because of that anon but I also was on my family trip for the past week and i had absolutely no free time#even at night I would try and scroll for a second and before I knew it I would pass out#I missed you too my little 🌸🥺#I really hope you’re doing alright!#I’m sending you all my love and hugs 🤗#ask#🌸 anon
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Like okay. I’m glad I’m my father’s daughter but also do I have to, on every level, be my father’s daughter
#like okay. looking Exactly Like Him i can deal with. the round face and chubby cheeks and dark eyes and thick hair? good#the height and the massive shoulders are extremely useful when weird men try anything. i just stand up and end their careers#but did i HAVE to get his hypermobile knee joints?? is that something i really had to be dealing with????!???#also i just want to point out that he fucked them up playing cricket. i didn’t even get to play cricket. i have so far dislocated my right#knee four times just by falling down in my house (thrice) and at work (once)#the whole thing where i’ve inherited his habit of sitting in the corner with a book and a cup of tea and not resurfacing is fine#i can deal with it. also lurking in the doorway watching tv and forgetting about the food i was making. and taking a bath for like 2 hours#with a book. regular. and liking dogs#did i have to be oblivious with money though? did i have to be incapable of budgeting??#did i have to get his temper?? i mean i haven’t thrown anybody through a glass door yet but liiiiiike#i’ll catch myself in a cold rage doing something toxic or petty or just downright unacceptable and be like hmm. who does THIS remind me of#perhaps my father politely asking his neighbour to not mow his lawn at 5am and them; when the neighbour refused; leaving the radetsky march#playing full blast on repeat and going away for a weekend#also!! the competitive bullshit. what kind of father NEVER lets his kid win a game. like not even once#my dad that’s who. i don’t think i ever once beat him at anything. maybe one day i would have#i just miss him. but in a way he’s not really gone. he passed on so much of himself to me and then left#personal
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feeling sooooo weird and anxious today. and the whole things not feeling real is back
#I need to leave the house I need to see the sun#I need to also move tbh#I think a hike in a forest or a visit to the beach will cure me#maybe I’ll ask my dad to take us next weekend#i’m so miserable#rahma’s rambles
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