#but i still remember watching star trek with her every sunday growing up

[comradebestie]

my mom used to love me so much.

[terryblas]

On Television and Understanding

I love television. I often joke that when my husband and I started dating I asked him one night if he wanted to go out somewhere and he said "Well, I'd like to but we just have so much TV to watch," to which I replied, "That's the most romantic thing anyone has ever said to me." And you know what? I kind of meant it. 

I've never bought into the idea that TV rots your brain. I feel like TV taught me how to write. I paid attention to shows I was watching. To how long segments on sitcoms were. How there were usually two plots in an episode. I saw this before I knew they were even called an A plot and a B plot. I learned that what characters reveal about others could be just as important as what they reveal about themselves. 

Today, my husband and I watch so much TV we've exhausted American television, British television and have moved into a lot of Canadian and Australian television. Seriously, check out Back to Life, Frayed, Back in Time for Dinner, and Kim's Convenience if you can find them. (Kim's is on Netflix)

Most families that belonged to the church I grew up in did not watch television on Sundays. In my house, we did. And that was because my dad loves TV, just like me. 

When I came out to my parents they had a hard time with it. I often felt like we were growing apart and didn't have a way to relate to each other any more. When I would visit, they'd pick me up from the airport and I'd be overwhelmed with a certain sense of dread at the time we were about to spend together at their home in Boise Idaho. I'd joke and complain to others about my visits home. Today I'm sad that this year, I wasn't able to visit my parents in the summer like I have for the past five years. 

Because of the visits we've had, I realized that where my dad and I could come together was TV. We'd watch Star Trek together and old Disney movies. The Haley Mills Parent Trap is a favorite of ours because it reminds him of his parents who were divorced. Witnessing this taught me that TV and movies were a gateway for emotion and understanding. It was then I decided that every time I came to visit, I'd expose my parents to a movie or show that they likely wouldn't have seen had I not recommended it to them. 

I remember showing my dad Harry Potter. He liked it but complained that he didn't like that Harry was referred to as a wizard. 

"They should just say he's a magician." 

 My dad's religious, so while that sounds funny, it was still a concern for him. I said: 

"Well dad, he's doing magic. He's not doing tricks. He's not pulling a rabbit out of a hat with sleight of hand. This story is good because this kind of magic is dependent on yourself. Finding strength in yourself and not relying on it coming from some unseen source."

He watched all of the remaining films. 

When I showed him the Hunger Games, he complained any time Katniss faltered or made a mistake. He's a retired colonel, so I reminded him, "Dad, Katniss is a 16 year-old girl. She's not a military man. She still won the Hunger Games." 

And that was when I realized I could begin sneaking feminism into what I showed him. And that I could also do this with LGBTQ issues.

One of my favorite memories is putting on the movie Connie and Carla for my parents. If you haven't seen it, it's sweet. Do yourself a favor. Nia Vardalos created a heartwarming story about love and acceptance set in a down on its luck drag bar. In the film, there's a drag queen whose brother is struggling to accept him. By that point in the movie my dad was invested in the characters. I could see him struggle not to show emotion when the character told his brother, 

"You can't pick and choose the parts of me that don't make you sick to your stomach. you can't have half a relationship with me..."  

My dad was visibly angry when Charlie Price was verbally abusive to Lola in Kinky Boots and excited when she showed up to save the day. 

I roped my mom into this experience. She's a bit like me, or rather, I've become a bit like her now, where I can't watch TV without doing something else. Computer work, drawing anything really. My mom was always ironing or cleaning something but I put on Coco for her and saw her relax and transform. Usually, it's my dad who barely explains things to her if she has a question while watching something since English isn't her native language. She speaks it well but movies all move fast now. This flipped that experience and my mom was singing along to La Llorona and explaining things to my dad. We ended up watching it in English and in Spanish. 

A few years ago I sat them down and put on Season 1 of One Day at a Time. Never in my life did I think there would be a show about a military, religious, Latinx family. They devoured the show. My dad made some comments about immigration that were annoying to me, but what that did was start a conversation between us about the topic. Those conversations rarely go well, but if he connects with someone’s story, it’s harder to be against them and what they represent. When Elena came out he was already invested in her character and seeing Penelope struggle with it helped my dad understand his own feelings about me. Seeing Elena be abandoned by her father in Season 1 infuriated him and made him sad. It showed me that he loved me and wouldn’t do that to me. When Elena sat on the couch watching Buffy he couldn't stop laughing and saying, "That's you! Ha! I can't believe it!" He would never have compared me in a positive way to a woman before. This warmed my heart in ways I can't express. 

For some reason, my mother has always been interested in the British royal family. Specifically, Princess Diana. When I told her about The Crown she practically jumped in excitement and after the first episode she asked "When does Diana show up?" I laughed and said, "You gotta watch three seasons first, Mom." She's seen the first two now and binged the first season with my dad when they came for the first time ever, to visit me and my husband for Thanksgiving last year.

I can't wait to show them The Queen's Gambit.

My parents don't have Netflix or Hulu or a roku or an Apple TV or anything. They're in their 70's and it would be a whole thing to try to get them to set that up over the phone. It just wouldn't happen. The next time I'm able to visit, I'll set something up for them because I want them to continue to realize what I discovered a long time ago: TV and movies are just stories. But stories aren't plot and events like many people think. They are emotion and connection. They serve a great purpose: to make us feel less alone. To help us feel understood and represented. It's a powerful medium and something that has brought my parents and I closer together in a way I don’t think anything else could have.

-Terry Blas

[alexthepartyman]

Fine Line

Chapter 4: Take me back to the light.

“Easy there, tough guy, have some coffee with your sugar,” Derek teases, grabbing a mug. 

“I need something to wake me up.”

“Same. I feel like I’ve slept for five years,” I joke.

“You had brain surgery a couple of weeks ago, it is normal to be tired.” I sigh, rolling my eyes as my phone vibrates against my ass. 

“Back pocket,” I groan as Derek pulls my phone out of my pocket. “It’s probably more get well soon wishes.”

“Oooh, you had a late night?” Derek asks, handing me my phone before going back to make coffee. 

“Very.”

“My man.” Oooh, it was probably with Grant, too. Oooh. I slowly type, trying to remember how to spell certain words.

“Not that kind of late night.”

“Really? I was rooting for you,” I groan as Derek chuckles.

“Okay, so tell me, what does keep young Dr Reid awake at night? Wait, let me guess. Memorising some obscure textbook. No, no, no, no,” Derek teases. “Working on cold fusion. No, I got it. I got it. I got it. Watching Ster Trek...and laughing at the physics mistakes.” 

“Actually, there aren’t that many scientific errors in Star Trek, especially considering how long ago it was made.”

“Did his face just fall?” I ask with a big smile on my face. 

“There are certain improbabilities, but not that many outright errors.”

“Right.” I laugh lightly as Derek walks away awkwardly, holding my head in my hand. 

“Hey, Morgan?” Spencer asks, following him. I grip my crutches and turn myself, slowly following along. “Uh, do you ever have dreams?” 

“I’m sorry?”

“I guess nightmares would be a more accurate description.” 

“Is that what’s keeping you up?”

“I used to get them occasionally, but lately it’s like I have them every night.”

“What are they about?”

“This. What we do. Do you have nightmares?”

“When don’t I?” I remark. 

“Reid, I’m not sure I’m the right person for you tot alk to about this.” 

“Why not?”

“It’s just, uh...did you ask Gideon about it?”

“No.” 

“You should. Both of you.”

“Hey, Hotch wants everyone in the round table room.” 

“Derek, carry me. I’m not getting anywhere with these things,” I retort as Elle walks away from us.

“Nuh-uh, little buddy. You gotta do it yourself. I ain’t gonna be around to carry you everywhere.” 

“Fuck...I take forever!” I groan, stumbling towards the staircase. 

“Something up with you three?” Elle asks.

“No.” 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“McAllister,” JJ says as we head in. “Western slope of Massanutten Mountain in Virginia. Two bodies discovered in the woods, both with apparent bult trauma to the head.” 

“Skeletons?”

“Skellingtons?” I ask, approaching the table and looking at the picture in Spencer’s hand. 

“One of them. The second victim was just killed this morning.”

“How do we know there’s a connection?” Elle asks. 

“Found about seventy-five feet apart with nearly identical head wounds.” 

“Where’s the rest of the case file?”

“There isn’t one. The sheriffs are on the scene waiting for us.” 

“Their location is only half an hour away by plane.”

“What’s the rush?”

“Well, there was evidence on the scene that could cause a bit of public uproar.” 

“Satanic cult.”

“But...killer satanic cults...those don’t exist…” 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“JJ, we obviously need to keep this out of the press for as long as possible.”

“I’ll do what I can.”

“Why is that so important?”

“There was a nationwide scare in the 1980s involving Satanic ritual killings and abuse. The Satanic panic, it was called. It began after the publication of a book about repressed memories being recovered through hypnotherapy. Memories of growing up with devil worshippers who use children in their rituals and ceremonies.” 

“Most of the claims were later found to be false or just impossible.”

“Still, numerous therapists accepted the assertions as true and began searching for similar signs in their own patients. After one year, thousands of people reported the exact same repressed memories.”

“But the bureau conducted an investigation and concluded that most of the ritual killings or abuse were more urban legend than anything else.”

“You’re saying that there’s no such thing as Devil worshipping?”

“Not at all. But most of the Satanism we’ve seen is juveniles damaging property, descerating churches, cemeteries. To my knowledge, there’s never been a proven case of a satanic ritual killing in the United States,” Uncle Jason says. 

“Well, maybe there is now.” 

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“Morning. John Bridges,” the sheriff greets us. 

“Yeah, we spoke on the phone,” JJ shakes his hand. “I’m Agent Jareau, this is Agent Gideon, Dr Reid, and our intern James Rossi with the FBI’s Behavioural Analysis Unit,” JJ introduces us.

“What’s with your intern?”

“Concussion. Can’t walk on my own yet. Hi.”

“Thanks for coming out so fast, all of you.”

“Yeah, of course.” 

“There was an in-service in Charlottesville last year, said if we ran into any unusual homicides, we were supposed to call you folks soonertather then later.” 

“They were right.” 

“So is this unusual enough?”

“It’s certainly interesting. Is that blood or red paint?” I ask, nodding my head towards the carving in the tree.

“You guys must get a lot of this, huh? Satanic stuff?”

“Not really,” Uncle Jason answers. “Who found the body?”

“Hikers found the first one at the trail, my deputies located this one while searching for evidence. Don’t even know if it’s a man or a woman.”

“It’s a man. The male pelvis is more narrow, and the opening at the bottom is heart-shaped, as opposed to oval,” Spencer rambles. “Melted wax?”

“Candle wax?” JJ asks.

“Candles are used in rituals.”

“Also used on birthday cakes,” Uncle Jason says, watching my feet carefully.

“Actually, they were orginially used to protect the birthday celebrant from demons for the coming year. As a matter of fact, down to the fourth century, Christianity rejected the birthday celebration as a pagan ritual.” 

‘What kind of doctor are you?”

“One that knows everything,” I quietly comment.

“Does LOD mean anything to you?” 

“I don’t know of any significance in Satanism, either.” 

“Well, I’d have Garcia research this LOD thing, if I could get a call out.” 

“Not much of a chance of that out here.”

“Are there any cults in the area that you know about? Secret groups? People you see you don’t know much about? People who stay to themselves mostly?” 

“This is a very religious area. Church on Sundays, fellowship on Wednesday, bible classes. If there was a secret group, I’d probably know about it.”

“That’s an inherent contradiction,” Spencer chuckles. 

“Excuse me?”

“Spencer,” I hiss, picking up the tip of my crutch and stomping his foot with it.

“Ow…”

“He means if there was a group being secretive, you probably wouldn’t know.” 

“Look, people out here just want a quiet place to raise their kids. What I know is that none of them are capable of doing this.”

“Rethink that statement,” I comment. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Here you go,” Jason says, setting me back down on the ground after carrying me back up the road. 

“Thanks, Uncle Jason.”

“It’s no problem, Jamie.” 

“Find anything interesting down there?” Aaron asks.

“Yeah, it does look like some kind of ritual site,” Uncle Jason answers. 

“Have any of you ever heard of LOD or the acronym L-O-D?” Spencer asks as Elle helps Spencer up onto the road. 

“Not me.”

“Cherish? Cherish? Sheriff Bridges!” A woman yells, being blocked off by an officer behind the yellow tape. 

“It’s okay, Harris. Let her in.” 

“Was Adam Lloyd killed out here?” She asks, marching up towards us. 

“Who told you that?”

“Was he? My daughter was with him. They were out running together this morning. Oh my god, and I can’t find her. Cherish is missing. Cherish is missing! Help me, please.” She starts to cry. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Take her home.”

“I will.”

“Who are we looking for?” I ask as we head back to the team. 

“Someone who can overpower our victim, abduct a girl from a traveled path without being seen.”

“A local would know their way around here,” I add. 

“It certainly fits with the cult theory. More than one unsub to control multiple victims.” 

“But if the attack were ferocious enough...a single unsub could do it too. Kill Adam and grab the girl while she’s still in shock.” 

“This is some rough country. I don’t think Jamie could do it right now,” Elle comments, walking back to us with Derek. “We only went a quarter of a mile, and we almost got lost.”

“Jamie was right. The unsub is a local. You don’t just stumble onto a place like this.” 

“JJ, where’d the sheriff go?”

“He’s setting up a search party.” 

“Tell him I want him to use volunteers from the area.”

“Do you want him to know why?”

“No, not yet.”

“Is it wise to alienate him?”

“Well, he thinks we’re looking for a monster. If we tell him we’re looking for volunteers so we can profile who shows up, he might call the whole thing off.” 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“State won’t be here for over an hour. We’re not gonna wait. I want you to gather everyone up, and I’m going to assign grid locations.” 

“Yes, sir.” 

“You have a moment, sheriff?” JJ asks. 

“I’ve got a missing girl, a hundred square miles of woods, not enough men, and in a couple of hours, it’s gonna be dark.” 

“Have you considered using the people that live in the area?”

“I’m not gonna have civilians messing up the crime scene.”

“We can instruct them not to touch anything until a member of Law Enforcement arrives.”

“What if they get lost, too?”

“We can have them sign into a volunteer sheet and keep track of what grid square they’re in. Look...I grew up in a small town. You have the state police coming in?”

“Yeah.”

“Your locals can do a better job of finding this girl than any statie. Especially in these woods,” I cut in. “You know that.” 

“You’ll keep track of them?”

“She’s coordinated searches across the country.” The sheriff nods, and we head towards the vehicles.

“Let’s go. Harris, I’m going downtown. Don’t do anything until I get back.”

“Hey! Can I come with you guys?” Spencer calls out, catching up to us and nearly knocking me over. 

“Spencer, I will hit you again,” I threaten. 

“Sorry. I need to call Quantico and have them research that whole LOD thing,” he says, stumbling after us. 

“Yeah, sure. Hop in.” JJ helps me carefully climb into the back of the truck, and Spencer hops in after me, holding my crutches. 

“No bickering, you two,” JJ scolds us both from the shotgun seat. “Sorry, they get along like cats and dogs sometimes.”

“I wanna be the dog,” I whine. “Spencer can be the cat.” 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

JJ helps lift me out of the truck, and I grab my crutches from Spencer. 

“What’s happened, John?” A man asks, stopping them and giving me a moment to catch up to them. 

“Reverend Paul Burke, this is...I’m sorry, I forgot your names.”

“I’m Agent Jareau, this is Dr Reid and our intern James.” 

“They’re with the FBI.”

“FBI? It’s true, then? Adam’s dead?”

“Cherish Hanson’s missing, too.” 

“Is there anything I can do?”

“Actually, yes,” the sheriff answers. “We’re putting together a search party. Could you call the congregation?” 

“Of course. I’ll go make some calls.”

“Thanks, Reverend. This way.” We follow sheriff Bridges into the station. “You can use any phone you want, Dr Reid, just dial 9 to get an outside line. I’ve got an emergency phone list back here in my office.” I see Spencer wander off to the corkboard, and so I redirect myself to follow. 

��Why is there a football?” I ask.

“Did you play ball?” A boy asks, coming up to us, donning a letterman jacket. 

“No,” Spencer scoffs.

“You hold that thing right, or I swear to God-” I reach for the football. 

“Yeah, I probably wouldn’t have either, if not for my father. I’m Cory.” 

“Spencer Reid. This is Jamie, he played.” 

“You’re talking about me like I’m dead. I would play, if it wasn’t for these crutches and my three month ban from sports. Who’s that, Nietzsche?” I ask. 

“Thus Spake Zarathustra is rather antagonistic of the Judeo-Christian world view for this town, isn’t it?”

“I don’t think too many people here would’ve bothered to read it. If they had, they wouldn’t understand it. Might as well be a Hawking essay on quark theory.”

“People don’t typically read Nietzsche.” I look to Spencer, who laughs to himself.

“Hey, nobody ever got that reference before. Is my father around? The sheriff?” 

“He’s in his office with another agent.”

Agent? Hey, uh, Jamie. Why don’t you sit down? You should give that leg a rest,” Cory says, pulling out the closest chair. 

“Leg? Am I…” I look down at my legs. “I’m limping again, aren’t I?” 

“I didn’t notice. We’re with the FBI, the Behavioural Analysis Unit.”

“Profilers?” We both nod. “This is mad cool. I got, like a hundred questions I go...wait. Why would FBI profilers be here in McAllister?” 

“There was a murder outside of town on the mountain,” Spencer explains. 

“A murder?”

“And a girl’s missing.” 

“It’s Cherish, son.”

“Cherish Hanson?” 

“We’re putting together a search party. I need you to get the rest of the team together and meet us out at the trail about half a mile south of the point.” 

“Yeah, okay.” 

“Spencer, can you get me my drink out of my bag, please? Thank you.” Spencer hands me a bottle of Mountain Dew, and I screw open the bottle and gulp it down. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Man, this is one Peyton place of a town.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I ask.

“Most everyone lives well above the median income of the country. You have doctors, lawyers...one guy owns a bunch of shoe stores up and down the Eastern seaboard.”

“Is he married?”

“Yep. Story of my life, sunshine. Reverend Paul Burke, looks like he became born again in prison.”

“Love that. What was he in for?” I ask. 

“Yeah. Two years as a guest of the state of Ohio for embezzlement.” 

“JJ, what’s embezzlement?” I ask.

“It’s when people steal money from their jobs.” 

“I’m seeing a lot of tax sheltering and various hanky-panky here, but I’m not sure what would suggest potential Satanic cult members. Hold on.”

“You got something?”

“Yeah. I got a guy with a ton of debts, spotty work history, his house is in foreclosure. He’s got a record, too. Assault with a deadly weapon three years ago.” 

“Wait, does it say what the weapon was?” JJ asks.

“Baseball bat.”

“Our unsub used a blunt object.”

“Bats are blunt, aren’t they?” I ask. 

“What’s this guy’s name?”

“Dent. Henry Dent.”

“Apt name.”

“Jamie, where is he on the list?” 

I look over the list of names, quickly finding it. “Grid B-5. That puts him with...Elle. JJ? Should we let her know?”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Spencer yawns. “Tired?” Aaron asks.

“I’m fine.”

“We all get them sometimes.”

“Get what?”

“Nightmares.”

Spencer looks straight at me. “I didn’t say anything,” I recount. 

“It’s not that bad.” 

“If you want to talk about it, you know where I am.” We watch Aaron walk away from us.

“Uh, they’re ready,” JJ says. 

“Okay.” I look to the crowd gathering near one end of the station. Wait, when did they start showing up? What? 

“When did they show up?”

“Why don’t you catch another nap, we have to deliver the profile.”

“Hell no, I’m not napping right now.” 

“Contrary to popular belief,” Aaron begins, “there has never been a proven case of Satanic ritual killing. Never a verified human sacrifice. Having said that, there have been isolated cases of animal sacrifice…and many, many cases of vandalism in the name of Satan.” 

“Now, that doesn’t mean that ritual satanism is impossible,” Derek adds. “More importantly, for our purposes, there have been cults that killed, just not in ritual fashion.”

“The Reverend Jim Jones and the Peoples Temple...his followers killed a US congressman and three people before committing mass suicide, leaving over nine hundred people dead.”

“This also happened with the Order of the Solar Temple and Heaven’s Gate, and perhaps the most notorious of the killer cults, the Manson family, they, uh, killed nine people in a four day period in an attempt to initiate a race war,” I cut in, getting up from my chair and onto my crutches.

“Killer cults do exist, and they all have one thing in common. Invariably, they’re headed by charismatic megalomaniacs.” 

“You’re looking for that leader. He’s who will stand out. He’ll be memorable to somebody, people who aren’t in his group will see him as strange, weird, scary.”

“Since we’re dealing with professed Satanists, which is often practiced by younger males, we may be looking for teenagers. Heavy metal music is often associated with satanism, and these kids and their leader may reflect that in their look.” 

“Most likely, there’ll be sex, drugs, and alcohol. Now, the leader, he’ll be older. It’s part of his charm.”

“And he is from this area. He’s definitely local. These woods are too thick and confusing for a visitor to get around in.”

“You think one of our own people is doing this?” An officer asks.

“I believe that anything is possible,” I simply answer. 

“I would know if someone was capable of doing -”

“Dad. I know somebody like that,” Cory says.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 “His name’s Mike Zizzo. He graduated about five years ago. He’s in his twenties, but he still hangs out with high school kids. He’s got a group of them. They follow him everywhere. They all get high and listen to heavy metal. He calls them the Lords of Destruction.” 

“LOD,” Spencer and I say in unison before staring at each other. 

“How do you know this, Cory?” Silence. “It’s alright, son.” 

“I’ve been there, where they hang out drinking beers. He talks about Satan all the time. Says he’s the one true God.” 

“Where is this place?” Uncle Jason asks. 

“On the other side of the mountain. The old Jenson house.”

“It’s out of my jurisdiction.” 

“Not ours. We’re federal.” I look up to see Spencer, Jason, and Aaron get ready to leave.

“I’m sorry, Dad.” 

“It’s okay to let loose once in a while, Cory,” I say. 

“It’s alright, son,” the reverend says, and I walk myself out of the office and station, seeing the team load up into the SUVs. Uncle Jason stands outside of one, and I head over as fast as I can. 

“What’s going on?” I ask, turning to where Uncle Jason is looking, a girl stands on the other side of the road, staring at us. She watches the SUVs drive off, lights blaring, and I turn my attention back to find Uncle Jason crossing the road to get to her. God, what is with you people? Move slower, all of you! Fucking assholes. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I look around and inwardly groan at the fact that I had followed Jason into a church. Of all the fucking places? A church? He unwraps his scarf from around his neck and sits in the front pew, next to a silent girl. Ignore the pain, ignore the pain.

“Do you believe in God?” She asks, I stop next to the pew behind them, gulping and ignoring the sharp pains in my chest.

“Excuse me?”

“Do you believe in God?” She asks again.

“Yes.”

“How about the Devil?” I look away, taking in how red the interior of the church is. Why is it so red in here? “You’re one of the FBI agents, aren’t you?” 

“Is there something you want to tell me?”

“Do you think God is vengeful?”

“I don’t know.” 

“You don’t think he punishes us?” Well, I have a lot of reasons to be punished, if that was the case.

“After Hurricane Katrina, I read some essays by religious scholars. One writer said God was punishing America for its immorality. New Orleans was a wicked city, like Sodom and Gomorrah. Another one, a priest from New Orleans, he thought the hurricane was proof of God’s love.” Sure, show them you love them by killing them. Nothing like sending a fucking hurricane to prove your undying love. “Those levees didn’t break until after the storm was over. If they’d broken sooner, thousands would’ve died. So...I guess the answer to your question depends on whether or not you think you have something to be punished for.” Uncle Jason looks past her and right at me. I hate you so much. 

“My friend Cherish...she’s missing. And it’s my fault. The skeleton under the tree, he died a year ago. He fell off the trail, cracked his head open. He was just some tourist or something.”

“How do you know that?”

“We went to see the body all the time. We watched it decompose.” 

“Who did?”

“We did. Everybody, the whole group. At first, we were just curious, you know? We’d go, a couple of us at a time, show each other. None of us had ever seen a dead body before. And then it kind of became our thing.” Uncle Jason nods along. “Something we had that our parents didn’t know about. It was ours.” 

“This was a human being.”

“I told you that we’re being punished.” 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“I’ve been with Brandi Dreifort. Do you know her?” 

“Yeah. She’s a friend of my son’s.” 

“She’s a friend of Cherish’s, too.” 

“And?”

“They all knew about that skeleton,” I cut in. 

“Who did?” Sheriff Bridges asks. 

“The kids. Football team, cheerleaders, everyone. They all watched him decompose...like a game…”

“What?” Elle aks. 

“Far as I can tell, the only kids in the area who didn’t know were Mike Zizzo and the LOD.” 

“That’s ridiculous.” 

“Sounds impossible, it’s unbelievable, but she told Jason all about it. Guy was a...a hiker. He’s probably listed, missing person somewhere…” 

“How do you know the LOD wasn’t involved?”

“She said the pentagram and the candles, they weren’t there a few months ago.”

“Which means?”

“Someone’s framing the LOD. Somebody wanted us to believe there were Satanists here.” I answer. 

“Jamie, you should sit down. You’ve been up a while-”

“No, no, no, I got more. Unsubs like to...insert themselves into investigations. Who gave us the LOD? Who gave us Zizzo?”

“You’re talking about Cory?”

“Con...con...convin...convien…”

“It was convienent, wasn’t it? Lucky we had a kid right in the room who could tell us where the LOD was. A group of fringe kids nobody in the town would like.” 

“But-”

“You called us here to advise you. My advice would be to get in front of this before yourson hurts himself or anybody else. You know where he is, Sheriff?”

“He went up to the Jenson house to see if your guys found anything on Cherish.” 

“Morgan and Reid are out there right now.”

“Hey, Sheriff. DId you open the gun locker?” An officer asks. 

“No.”

“Someone did. There’s a revolver missing.”

“Cory,” I solemnly answer. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I stare at Spencer, who just zones off at the wall behind me. “Stop staring at me, Spencer,” I whine. “I can’t exactly go anywhere without the damn crutches.” 

“Reid,” Uncle Jason says, bringing the beanpole’s attention back to reality. “Deborah Louise Addison. Her husband Tim. The kids are Amber and Kieth. Eight and six. In 1985, Deborah Louise was walking home from school. She was abducted. She was thirteen. We profiled the unsub, and we were able to locate her before he harmed her. She writes a letter to the BAU every year. She updates us on her life.”

“It’s nice, but -”

“We all have bad dreams. Everyone on the plane. Even Jamie. Jamie, do you remember that one recurring dream where Hotch’s neighbour killed you and your dog?”

“No?” 

“Who wouldn’t have nightmares? We hunt the worst of humanity, we see the depths of depravity, we dream of monsters…”

“Inmy dream, there’s a baby in the middle fo a circle and there’s someone on the other side. And I can’t get to her before…”

“Every night I look at Deborah, helps me go to sleep thinking of the victims we’ve saved. We don’t always beat the monsters to the babies, but we do enough to make the job worth it, keep the nightmares bearable. Jamie, you should catch some sleep before we land. I’ll take you straight home to your dad.” I nod and lay my head down in his lap, staring at blurry pictures of my friends from the last play we were in.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Your show sounds lovely. I’m sure if you tell Jordan how much you want to be in the show, then he’ll find a way for you to be in it,” Jason advises as he pulls into my dad’s mansion driveway, driving me up to the front door. 

“Jason? What if nothing ever goes back to the way it was?” I ask. “What if I’m stuck on these stupid crutches forever? I’d have to rethink everything-”

“We’ll take it a day at a time, remember?” He cuts me off immediately. “I’ve known you all your life. You have tendencies to over worry about things. It’s going to work out okay.” 

“Will it? I can’t go back into school until next semester, I lost my hair again, I lost all of my activities. I can’t even watch music videos without getting a massive headache. All I want to do is everything I’m not allowed to do! It’s so fuck-”

“Don’t. Your fracture is still healing.” 

“I can’t even get my anger out, cause I’m not allowed to box or wrestle! Fuck this!” 

“Jamie, Jamie. I need you to look at me right now.” Jason rotates my head towards him. “You’re allowed to be mad about this. You are a fighter. You overcame a cancer scare, numerous spinal injuries and concussions. Your conditions don’t hold you back. Just because you’re going through a set back doesn’t mean it’s time to give up. Come on, I’ll walk you in and put you to bed if you want.” Jason climbs out of the drivers’ seat and rounds the front to help me onto my feet and position my crutches so I can use them. “I think you worked yourself too hard, and you should rest some more.” I groan in pain, wincing at the throbbing in my head. 

“Headache?” I nod weakly. 

“Here, I can carry you in,” Uncle Jason offers, swinging an arm under my knees and sweeping me into his arms with a groan. “You’re getting too big for me to carry you.” 

“Mio bel ragazzo,” I hear Dad exclaim from up ahead. 

“Dad,” I quietly answer back with a smile. 

“He tired himself out. Headache right now, Spencer almost tripped him a few times.” I hear Dad groan as a door closes, and dogs start barking. “Oscar, Mudgie, down,” Dad commands. “Go put him in bed, I’ll get his medication ready.” I nuzzle my head into Jason’s warm chest and whine, scrunching my face as the throbbing gets worse. 

“I know, I know. You’ll be in bed soon.” It feels like a lifetime before I feel my mattress dipping under me, my soft covers enveloping me. “There. Your dad’s gonna be up soon.” I hear a dog whine as I bury my head into the bed. “Here you go, Oscar. Cuddle up nice and tight, will you? Here’s your blankie and your turtle.” I make my grabbie hands as the items are handed to me, Jason wraps me in my favourite bright green blanket and puts my turtle into my arms. I nestle my head into the crook of the turtle’s neck, squeezing it tightly against my chest. Rough fingers run gently through my hair as I feel a small dog walking up and starting to lick my neck. 

“Oscar…” I whine. Jason chuckles as my pup moves to lay on my stomach. 

“Goodnight, Jamie. Your dad’s here now.” 

“Daddy…” I mumble, pouting my chapped lip. 

“Here, it’s time for your meds,” Dad whispers, gently helping make sure I don’t choke on pills or water. “There you go. That’s my boy.” I smile, breathing deeply and gently opening my eyes as Dad plays with my hair. “You must have tired yourself out, huh?” 

“Daddy...stay…” I reach out, grabbing his rough yet gentle hand. 

“Of course. Anything for you, ragazzo.” My other hand rests on Oscar’s soft curly hair, my thumb gently cascading the soft, gentle skin. “Sssh, it’s okay. You can sleep now. I won’t go.” 

“Hol...hol...hol me…” I murmur. 

“You want me in bed with you?” 

I gently nod.

“Okay. I’ll be right back, I just have to get ready for bed. Don’t wait up for me, okay? Ti amo.”

[thebiscuiteternal]

So like talking about Care Bears reminded me to mention that y'all would *not* recognize my Mama now (and before I was born) vs how she was when I was growing up.

Before I was born, my Mama was a Nerd. Grew up obsessively watching Star Trek and the Twilight Zone. Went to midnight openings for the original Star Wars trilogy. Wore out her copies of Lord of the Rings.

After I came along? Hardcore Southern Baptist Sunday School Teacher. That fight over being allowed to watch Care Bears was neither the first, nor the last. She almost took away my My Little Ponies because it turned out the cartoon had magic. She got fluffed when my grandparents gifted me She-Ra's castle (I wasn't allowed to watch *that* show at *all*). She got mad at me watching Gargoyles and Sailor Moon and I would have to try to vhs-record them and get sneaky (and got in trouble when I got caught). She went through every book I wanted to get from the library to make sure there was nothing inappropriate (I learned to speed read so I could finish books without having to get her permission to check them out). I wasn't allowed to even touch the Harry Potter books until I was in high school, and only *after* she read them to vet them.

Maybe that was the turning point, honestly. For me, who'd never seen the old her, it was like she suddenly just... *chilled*, but really, it was probably more like in reading HP, she remembered how *fun* fantasy and sci-fi were, and if she wasn't going to deprive herself anymore, it wouldn't be fair to keep depriving me either.

All the old Star Trek toys were taken out of the closet under the stairs and put in cabinets to be shown off. She gifted me her old stuffed Wicket the Ewok. She started reading for herself again, instead of just reading to monitor what I was allowed. In fact, she quit vetting my books at all. She became a Nerd again.

There are still... issues. She never really approved me getting so deep into horror. When I participated in a charity project that involved making fantasy tarot cards, I had to beg her not to take them (we compromised, as long as she doesn't have to be aware I still have them, they won't get burned). If I start talking about any kind of magic that isn't strictly in a fantasy world, even just in a simple "oh, interesting, this exists" manner, I get shut down *hard*.

But... I'll take it. At least I'm getting to have *some* fun, and she's allowing herself to have fun again too.

[noxtms]

time isn’t wasted when it comes to the GOODBYE CEREMONY. memorial weekend is overwrought with emotion, and no one is entirely themselves by the time the final night rolls around. it’s a part of the event, but no one is exactly cheery - and however lovely the gesture of light is, there is, this year especially, a distinct feeling of wanting to be done with it as quick as possible from those that gather on the hogwarts grounds. 

the speech is much the same as the one at the rememberance ceremony. headmistress mcgonagall says a few words - directing some to the survivors, to their friends and family, to the students and the professors, and to the HOGSMEADE villagers that make the trek every year - but all too soon ( and yet not soon enough, for some ) instructs the able to take out their wands and raise them to the sky. the first years are taught the spell to create the individual orbs in the first month, now, in preparation.

“alea iacta est.” at first, the voice goes almost unnoticed. the words are little more than a whisper, and headmistress mcgonagall’s earlier warnings to those who might have deigned to interrupt the ceremonial event were severe enough that only a single first year takes their eyes from the front of the gathered crowd to crane their neck and search for a source. they find their gaze drawn to a woman they’ve yet to encounter, in lessons : tiny mirrored beads sown onto her robes giving the impression of a thousand glittery stars as the light from wands being lit around her reflect off of them. her wild hair is flecked with grey, and her ancient looking glasses magnify her eyes to such an extent that it is discerning... and all the easier to see the way in which they seem to be, not blue, or brown, or green - but a milky, endless white - color covered, perhaps, or simply rolled to the back of her skull. the first year gasps and grabs her friends robes - 

“the lamb shall lie with the lion,” the woman’s whole body seems to convulse as she speaks, voice strange in a way that cannot be explained, for it is not one voice that sounds but a dozen - each of them unique in inflection yet similar in their raspy undertone. it shouldn’t be POSSIBLE. wands are raising around them, now, but this tiny ( growing ) gaggle of first years are frozen in place, and their stillness is all the more obvious in a crowd of MOVEMENT. “and the lion shall feast upon the lamb. and there will come a day as dark as night...”

sybill trelawney’s companion, the much more recognizible professor flitwick, only takes real note of her as her hand rises to grip his shoulder tightly with a grasp that proves UNBREAKABLE. she does not look to him, nor to the students that are beginning to look to her - she seems not to notice them entirely. “when death will mark a new equal, though alone they are not. and wise is he who looks ahead... as to go forth is to go back - for only once lost may the lost be found.”

wands are beginning to lower. whispers erupt. headmistress mcgonagall has no trouble spotting the point in the SEA of gathered bodies where there seems to be trouble, and briskly begins making her way through - mouth twisted in a way that would make even older students nervous. lights begin to rise from the lifted wands into the sky, the ceremony undisturbed by and large. minerva arrives full of fire and ready to drag the culprit of their interruption away by the ear, so help her : until she breaks through the distanced circle of enthralled first years and discovers the scene. “and he who lived once shall live twice and lived twice, thrice... and in the middle of all things, the one eyed man will find himself king.”

anyone taking note of headmistress mcgonagall’s expression in that moment would have seen, not anger at the interruption, nor confusion at what’s happening before her. for a long moment, minerva mcgonagall simply looks the way that half of the tiny gathering feels : fearful. she finds her composure QUICKLY ( it is bad enough that filius cannot hide the pain from sybill’s nails digging into his shoulder ). 

“shadow will lift from the kingdom of the blind and with the light shall come a new empire... an empire without end.” minerva thinks, perhaps, it’s a containable event. she moves forward, now, with purpose, reaching out to grab sybill’s elbow and escort her through the distracted while the others continue the ceremony, and is almost knocked off of her feet completely as the other woman lets go of filius and grabs her by her robes : misty eyes focusing upon her but not possibly seeing, grip vice like, voice more urgent now than it has ever been. “tremble... for the dark shall lift but the light will fall... vita ante acta.” 

and sybill goes limp before her, filius only barely managing to stop her from tumbling to the ground.

and there is a gasp -

and then, there is a SCREAM.

minerva twists around, her eyes scanning the crowd. there is an undeniable buzz of activity, now, as the crowd begin to react to what to her, is the unseeable. the sea begins to move, no organization, just blind panic, and wands are falling, all around, and the light that was streaming into the sky - wands are falling, all around, and the sea is beginning to move : no organization, just blind panic, and the light that was streaming into the sky -the light that was streaming into the sky - 

“minerva...” filius’ horrified whisper is lost to her.

“up there!” comes a shout too close to her ear from someone who is trying to push their way through the crowd quicker than anyone else, now, like by sheer force of will they might make it before the hundred others. but she doesn’t NEED to be told where to look.

overhead there has erupted a horrifying sight : a skull as large as the castle itself, it seems, formed of dark cloud that a handful of moments ago simply did not exist. and as she watches, its mouth opens wide - a SNAKE slithering from it’s open maw to twist grotestquely around it, eyes glowing menacingly all the while. 

OUT OF CHARACTER :

the goodbye ceremony is the final curtain of memorial weekend. the thought is quite simple, really : though wizards don’t believe in the same sort of afterlife as muggles do, the act of sending light��up to the sky ( similar to the art of fire lanterns ) is seen as symbolic. students, professors, neighbours, friends, families : all of them gather upon the grounds for the FINAL show, and it is not uncommon for them to spend hours outside underneath clear, starry skies, simply observing the show of good that they have partaken in as way of honoring their lost. really, it’s quite cruel that this is the ceremony in which things go wrong.

we’ve reached the NATURAL end of our second event, and what a trip it has become ! not only has sybill trelawney pulled out all the stops - the appearance of the dark mark in the sky above the grounds is... truly, quite a horrifying thing. it hasn’t been seen in the wizarding world in six years to the day - and you can surely imagine the terror seizing those that actually UNDERSTAND its weight, now.

though the event is now technically winding down, the plot won’t further progress for another week period ( because we like having set blocks such as these, you know ) : this means that while you should begin winding down your previous event threads, you can feel welcome to create as MANY within the chaos of this as you want ! go wild with it, in fact - the reactions each character have will likely vary in intensity, and i for one want to see it all !

i’ll announce the end next friday, after which point we will be progressing past SUNDAY THE 3RD OF MAY.

the prophecy is going to be posted on a sub section on discord where you can all DISCUSS your thoughts : i actively encourage you all to work together and spitball ideas and see what you think ! will i confirm or deny ? probably not. but feel free to get involved in it, as this marks the beginning of our main plotline ! 

you can continue tagging these threads with nox.event002, and remember to keep in mind location tagging ! 

if you have ANY questions or concerns, as always, please feel free to message me with them !

[an-olive-crown-blog]

THE A TO Z OF RYAN FLYNN

a.d.d. // you don’t get diagnosed with a.d.d. until you’re in the fourth grade. you’ve always know how smart you were, but translating the things going on in your brain into being a productive student caused you to struggle. your classmates always just assuemd you were stupid - the class clown who sat in the back and made the other students laugh. it was a role you happily slipped in to; even after the diagnosis. 

boston // it’s always been boston or bust for you. you didn’t grow up that far outside of the city but there was never a place in the world that felt as much home to you as boston does. you live and die by this city.

chinook // she’s named after a strain of hops - because of course you would do something like that. she’s the light of your life, the center of your world, the best brewery dog to ever grace the earth. she’s a swiss mountain dog; big, slobbery, and full of love. your girlfriend hates it, but she sleeps in the bed, nestled down by your legs. no amount of fighting will ever change this.

david ortiz // he’s a legend in boston and as a die hard red sox fan you almost crap your pants when you think you see him sitting at the bar in strip by strega on arlington. it doesn’t turn out to be him, though, even after you’ve made a spectacular ass out of yourself in front of your date. you don’t get a kiss at the end of the night, not the you were expecting one after the noise that came out of your mouth when you first thought it was big papi sitting three bar stools away.

exeter street // the last time you see olivia she’s outside of her hotel, clambering into a cab that’s idling on the curb of exeter street. you thought that seeing her after all these years would be fine, that you were over it. it was just coffee, for crying out loud. but she’s leaving again, back to the new life she made for herself in california. there was supposed to be closure but not it just feels like you’ve ripped the bandaid off the bullet wound she left in your heart. 

forward // hockey has always had a presence in your life, as it does for most guys who grow up in new england. you’ve been going to bruins games since you’ve been old enough not to cry about the noise or the cold. you’ve even worn your own sweater in highschool as a forward. you were good, but not great. a career in the NHL was certainly never in your future. but now that you’re older you appreciate it more; appreciate the fact that getting your ass up on sunday mornings to play as a forward for the beer league is important to your health (no matter how much your achy body says otherwise come monday morning). 

griffin’s wharf brewing // you go through name after name after name before you find one by mistake. griffin’s whart if the supposed site of the boston tea party, an integral part of the history of the city that you love so much. when you come across this fact in a book, it doesn’t take much convincing for your partner to agree that it’s the perfect name for the brewery you’re planning on opening. 

harvard // it was silly, ridiculous to think that you could be a harvard man. but it was what was expected of you - to attend your father’s alma mater, to get a degree in chemistry. but school was never easy for you, and while the classes you take aren’t hard, you can’t help but dig yourself so far into a hole that there’s no way out. you drop out at the end of junior year, just one year shy of graduation. looking back, you can boil it all down to self-sabotage. 

isla // everyone says that she should have been the first child, and honestly, you can’t help but agree. she’s two years younger than you but she’s always had her shit together, has always known where she was going in life and how she was getting there. she exudes what you’d expect from the oldest sibling while you’ve always flown by the seat of your pants. no one ever believes it when you say that you’re the older sibling. 

january // there’s new england blood running through your veins, a fact you can’t deny. there’s something peaceful about the cold of winter; when it reaches it’s peak right at the end of january, your favorite month. the city bustles along as usual, but there’s a quieter quality about it that you can’t quite put your finger on. 

kayaking // it’s one of the few things you love about summer, when the city is sticky and hat and ridiculously overpacked with tourists. the charles is actually nice when you’re on the water when in comparison to when you’re on the esplanade. it’s quieter, too, especially if you go in the morning before the sailing academy starts it’s lessons for all those privileged children of beacon hill. 

loan // you’re well versed in the world of loans - you’ve got a mountain of them from those unfinished years at harvard. but this is different. this loan, a business loan, could make or break you depending on what the bank says. there’s a fledgling, fragile dream you’ve concocted of owning a brewery and it’s the only thing you’ve ever felt so sure of over the course of your entire life (save for maybe one other thing, a girl named olivia, but that’s nothing more than a pipe dream at this point). when the bank gets back to you and agrees to the loan, it’s the only time you’ve ever cried tears of relief. 

massachusetts avenue // the location couldn’t be better - a refurbished building on mass ave in central square. it’s technically not in boston, like you’d originally wanted, but the rent is cheap and the space is good. central square is up and coming, anyway, bustling with hip college students and young professionals. it’s the perfect place for a brewery. 

newton, massachusetts // it’s a nice town, you can admit now that you’re older. you can’t really complain about the life you had growing up there because it was a good childhood. it was every suburban cliche you can think of, but it was your parents dream. and while you don’t necessarily share that dream with them - the white picket fence one - it really wasn’t such a bad place to grow up. 

olivia // she may be the only girl you’ve ever really loved. she was the big one, the epic love of your life. you’ll never admit it out loud, but it’s not like you have to. anyone close enough to you knows the damage that was done when she left for stanford and you stubbornly refused to follow her. there’s been an aching in your heart ever since. 

patriots // you aren’t as big of a patriots fan as you are a fan of the red sox, but there’s no denying that your blood runs navy and red. you are a walking, talking new england cliche, but there is nothing quite like shotgunning beers to stay warm in the parking lot of the stadium in foxboro.

quincy market // it’s the only part of the city that you truly detest and avoid as much as possible. it’s too touristy, too filled with people walking slow and doing what’s expected of them while visiting boston. the only time you ever go is in the dead of winter, when the big christmas tree is all lit up and beautiful in the middle of the marketplace. 

red sox // you’ve been going to games since you were too little to remember. there’s a familiarity about fenway; the green monster, the cold beer in flimsy plastic cups. you were there when they broke the curse in 2004 and won the world series, and while you don’t get to go to as many games as you’d like anymore, there’s a calender hung on the fridge of your apartment with the season schedule. 

simcoe hops // the first beer you ever sell to your first customer - your first real customer, who isn’t in any way, shape, or form, related to you or your partner - is made with simcoe hops. it’s one of your early favorites - dry hopped and earthy with fruity finishing notes. it quickly goes on to be one of the breweries most popular beers. 

thirsty scholar // you meet olivia at the bar in inman square as a sophomore with a fake ID. you don’t even know why you’ve strayed so far from the usual bars in harvard square, but when you lock eyes with her from across the dimly lit bar, you feel like the stars have aligned. like every decision you’ve ever made in life has led to this one moment in time (in a dirty, college bar of all places). 

urban legends // it’s a weird quirk, even for you. you’re very scientific minded - logical, analytical, quick to solve puzzles and rational, above all else. you can’t seem to define what the draw of urban legends are or why they are so enticing to you, but they are. you collect them, catalogue them in your brain. for every place you’ve ever visited, there’s some obscure urban legend you’ve researched and recited, much to the chagrin of your friends. 

verb hotel // it’s tucked behind fenway, not even really that from where you live. the sushi bar on the first floor is one of your favorite haunts. it’s always packed and busy, brimming with the after-work crowd and tourists. it’s a good place to people watch and the sushi isn’t half bad, so when you feel like you need to get out of the apartment but that you want to be alone, you always find yourself ending up here, even if you didn’t mean to. 

wonderland t stop // you take the blue line all the way out to wonderland. normally you wouldn’t be caught dead in revere but there’s a peacefullness on the beach that’s right down the street from the t stop. sometimes you just need to breath in that salt air, feel the sand beneath your toes. sometimes you need a break from the suffocation of the city. 

xfinity center // it’s a hike to get to mansfield from boston but when you’re young and carefree you don’t mind. you’ve seen dozens of concerts at the ampitheatre, and were there in 2003 when pearl jam played the longest set they’ve ever done. there’s memories tucked away in the back of your mind of piling into cars with all your friends and olivia and making the trek down. 

yellow // it’s the color of the mug that olivia gets you for the last birthday you two celebrate together. yellow, with black writing that reads ‘i am a ray of fucking sunshine’. you still have it, tucked way in the back of your kitchen cabinet, one of the few remaining reminders of your time together. 

zombies // it’s childish, maybe, but you’ve always loved a good zombie move. it doesn’t matter what kind (although comedic are your favorite). every year on halloween you sit down and force your loved ones to watch shaun of the dead with you. it’s tradition, and not one you’re likely to break any time soon. 

[gracewithducks]

Wonder (Luke 2:1-7) - Sunday School Stories #13, preached 12/1/2019

Almost a year ago, one of my husband’s friends told Mike about the great deals his family had found at Niagara Falls in Canada over American Thanksgiving. Because it’s out of tourist season, and because Canadian children and workers don’t get a break for an American holiday, the prices and the crowds are both pretty low. Mike said, “Why don’t we go to Niagara Falls for Thanksgiving next year?”

 I’m pretty sure I rolled my eyes. I may have laughed in his face. Because Niagara Falls – in November – with children… all I could imagine were all the ways things could go wrong. It could be frigidly cold. It could rain the whole trip. We could get snowed in and not be able to go at all. Our kids might look at the waterfalls, shrug their shoulders, and say, “Meh. What else you got?” - - and we might not have a good answer.

 But Mike was persistent. Our girls were, at that moment, fascinated with waterfalls; they’re growing quickly, to the point where we no longer have to travel with strollers or plan around naptimes. We looked at prices. We discovered all kinds of indoor back-up options. And we booked a hotel we would never, ever, ever have been able to justify splurging on without the off-season deals – a hotel overlooking the Falls. We made a countdown calendar, and our kids have been crossing off the days until our trip ever since before Labor Day.

 Finally, finally, it was time to go. Our girls were nervous about crossing over into another country, only to find that Ontario, Canada looks an awful lot like Michigan. We drove past farms and forests, and lots of wind turbines, and strange foreign restaurants and shops with names like “Home Depot” and “McDonalds.” Our ten-year-old was pretty excited when we saw our first sign for Shoppers, the store mentioned in the musical Come From Away, and our five-year-old was excited with every Canadian flag we saw.

 And finally we started seeing signs for Niagara Falls. We could see the towers of hotels rising on the skyline. We could see the mist rising from the Falls, and the girls rolled down their windows to see if they could hear the water’s roar. We checked into our hotel, rode the elevator to the tenth floor, walked into our room, and the girls immediately ran to the window.

Their jaws dropped. There really is no way to prepare yourself for the Falls: they are just so big; there is so much water, rushing, pouring, constantly, unendingly, more and more and more. And the mist gives a sense of magic and wonder to it all.

 Our oldest looked. And looked. And looked. She excitedly pointed out to her sister the Horseshoe Falls, and the American Falls, and the little Bridal Veil Falls in between; she pointed to the Rainbow Bridge, and the wrecked ship which has hovered above the falls for over a century. And she said, with a contented sigh, “I don’t think I could ever get tired of that view.”

 And then she said, “Can I watch something on the iPad?”

 And we all started laughing. It became a joke this week; every time we returned to our room, one of us would look out the window, and say, “I’ll never get tired of that view… I wonder what’s on TV?”

 There we were, on the brink of one of the wonders of the world – there we were, with all the people we loved most in the world – there we were, in a place people travelled from the world over to see – in a place where explorers would fall down and pray in terror – in a place where kings and queens have walked, where daredevils dreamed the impossible – there we were, and it was amazing… but it was also amazing how quickly we just got used to that beautiful site.

 “I don’t think I could ever tired of that view… I wonder what’s on TV?”

 How quickly we lose our sense of awe; how quickly we take even the most incredible wonders for granted. I remember the first time I ever heard of electronic mail; I was amazed by the idea that I could send a message to someone and they could see it immediately. But now many of us use email daily without a second thought. I remember when our family got our first remote control for the television, and I was intimidated by the idea that you could change the channel without even standing up. And I remember our first VCR, the novelty of being able to record a program and watch it later. These days, my husband can set the football game to record on our DVR from his touchscreen pocket telephone; we don’t have to be in the house or even in the country at the time. And speaking of phones, when I was a kid, video phones were science fiction right out of the Jetsons or Star Trek – and now it stuns me to realize that my children will never remember a world where video phone calls weren’t a thing.

 And we just take it all for granted. We don’t think twice about the once unimaginable wonders around us. Machines that wash our dishes and dry our clothes. Groceries delivered right to your door. Flying machines and even a car that could travel hundreds of miles in a day were once inconceivable.

 I don’t think I could ever get used to those wonders, we say… and then we turn around and ask, what’s next?

 And nowhere do we see it more than every year at Christmastime. And I’m not even talking about the kids who count down the days until Christmas morning only to be bored with their new toys after five minutes and forget them entirely after five days… no, I’m not just talking about stuff. I’m talking about the story of Christmas itself.

 We hear the story every year; we know it so well that we take it for granted:

 In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken… and everyone went to their own town to register. So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David… He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn child, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no guest room available for them.

 We know the story: a Caesar, and a census; a little town, a man, a woman, and a baby in a manger. We wait for weeks every year to hear the story again; to sing the carols, to light the candles, to bask in the glow – and then we walk away, asking, “What’s next?”

 We know the story; we know it so well, maybe too well – so much so that we can shrug our shoulders, and say, “I’ve been there, and seen that; I wonder what’s on TV?”

 We can become numb to even the most amazing wonders – and this story is one. This is no ordinary story. This is the story of God entering into the world. This is the story of a God who so loved the world that God just could not stay away. This is the story of God entering into the world – not with fireworks and fanfare, but so quietly that, if you blink, you might miss it. This is the story of a God who surprises us, the story of a God who shows up in the lives of people who are being buffeted and shaped by kingdoms and powers out of their control.

 While everyone is looking at Caesar, God is looking to the ordinary people. While everyone is bustling to arrive first, God is looking towards the latecomers, the ones who show up when there seems to be no more room.

 There is a lot on our to-do lists for the month to come: shopping, wrapping, decorating, baking, travelling, taking pictures, sending cards, making calls… But my hope and my prayer is that we will take some time to enjoy the view, to remember what it is that brought us here in the first place. The story of Christmas isn’t about the presents or the decorations: it’s about a God who surprises us, who shows up in the times and the places we least expect it. Where is it, that God would surprise us today? Where are the mangers, where children have no bed? Who are our neighbors, whose lives are thrown into disarray by governments and laws beyond their control? Who are the strangers, looking for shelter, looking for a friendly face? Who are the people outside, longing for a place to belong?

 Do we see them? Do we look? And do we believe that Christ is still being born, that God is still showing up, in humble and surprising ways today? We tend to associate this story with Christmas Eve candlelight services, but the story of Christmas is about as far away from stained glass and organ music and new clothes by candlelight as you can get. The story of Christmas is about a God who shows up in real life, in the messy and difficult stuff of our every day.

 I want to encourage us to make a different kind of to-do list this year. And put on your list things like: smile at your cashier; over-tip your server on purpose, even if they’re having a bad day; donate to the giving tree; give non-traditional presents;

volunteer in the community; bake a pie for your neighbor; buy coffee for the person behind you in line; make it a point to compliment someone every day; donate pet food or old towels or blankets to the animal shelter; offer to babysit for some exhausted parents; visit a nursing home; donate new socks and underwear to those in need; volunteer to serve meals to those who are hungry; bring new coloring books and crayons to the children’s hospital; shovel your neighbor’s walk, or if you hire somebody to plow you out, ask them to do the rest of the street while they’re there; write another letter or make another call telling our leaders to stop separating families and get kids out of detention camps this Christmas; ask a family with a loved one in the service how you can help make their season brighter; pay for someone else’s groceries; invite your neighbor to share a meal with you – do whatever you can each day to find a way to show God’s love and bring hope into the world.

 The good news is, just like the waterfalls which never stop, which keep flowing and flowing, noticed or unnoticed, appreciated or not, night and day, season after season, year after year – God’s love keeps flowing and flowing, and God keeps showing up; hope keeps being born into the world. The good news of Christmas isn’t just about a story that happened long ago; it’s the good news that God is still being born into the world in unexpected and surprising ways.

 My hope and my prayer is that we won’t grow numb, that we won’t grow weary, that we won’t look away. May we have eyes to see Christ in the world this holiday season, and may we have hearts that never tire of seeking God’s presence and sharing God’s love.

  O God, let your love roll over us like thundering waters; let your justice pour out around us, and your grace flow through us. Teach our hearts to be still this holiday season, to bask in your presence, to gaze on your grace. And help us to remember that being present is so much more important than buying presents;

help us to follow your lead, and to show up in the most humble and unexpected places. May we show your love to struggling families, to immigrants and refugees, to neighbors and strangers, to the hungry and the homeless – to all those looking for a place to find rest. In your peace, by your peace, for your peace we pray; amen.

[lillysleepilystudying]

92 Questions Tag

tagged by: @court-ships (now @bujo-ie )

LAST: 1. drink: probs water (tbh i dont like water much but you gotta sTaY hyDrATed) 2. phone call: i ran out of credit ages ago and haven’t bothered to recharge it so i haven’t called anybody recently, but mum has called me, so i guess that counts. (actually thinking about it i can’t remember the last time i called someone) 3. text message: to my best bud (cause i was wallowing in the depths of despair for like 3 weeks cause i felt like she was ignoring me so i finally got the courage to text her about it last night :) i think we’re going to be good) 4. song you listened to: K I’M LISTENING TO TEAM BY LORDE RIGHT NOW AND I LOVE IT FOREVER AND ALWAYS  5. time you cried: tbh like last weekend (see point number 3)

HAVE YOU: 6. dated someone twice: nope 7. kissed someone and regretted it: never kissed anybod 8. been cheated on: nup, thankfully 9. lost someone special: i have lost relatives but i never really knew them? i have lost quite a few pets tho :/ 10. been depressed: not ‘officialy’ but past couple weeks have been bad (once again, see point 3) 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: never been drunk, only ever had small sips of alcohol (i’m way to young)

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12-14: ohh so hard i don’t really have a fav, but i guess all blues (with and emphasis on teal) and like nearly all pastel colours.

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. made new friends: yeah, but not like super close 16. fallen out of love: nah 17. laughed until you cried: maybe, but not very much 18. found out someone was talking about you: i don’t know? like this one isn’t very clear 19. met someone who changed you: sort of, i became closer to best bud, who i guess has changed me a bit 20. found out who your friends are: yes, but like also no? one of my few good friends left (for england of all places, but she is coming back), another’s moving schools, and once again see point 3 for other friend 21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: no lol i don’t even have facebook

GENERAL: 22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: see point 21 23. do you have any pets: YESS SO MANY a dog, two cats, like 8 horses (only one’s mine tho), 3 ducks (one i’ve had since i was like 4), around ten chickens... yeah i kind of live on a farm without all the big herds (also a lot lot smaller than a farm lol). fun fact: we used to have like 7 peacocks, they’re actually the coolest birds to have around. 24. do you want to change your name: no way, i actually quite like mine :) 25. what did you do for your last birthday: pool partay! tbh i went way overboard with the decorations, i spent hours making little paper flowers for everyone (they looked pretty cool, actually) 26. what time did you wake up: probs like 6;30, but stayed half asleep until 8:20 (shhh it’s a sunday i can do what ever i want 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: sleepinggg (sadly without my radio on bc mum wanted me to ‘try sleeping without music’ mum how i can i i need it ON 28. name something you can’t wait for: DOCTOR WHO CHRISTMAS SPECIAL #BILLISBACK GET PUMPED!! also PINOF 9 and halloween baking videos from dan and phil, also, any album coming out from any of my favourite artists for the next like 104585 years. ALSO I’M GOING TO MONGOLIA IN LIKE 2 WEEKS HOW DID I FORGET THAT 29. when was the last time you saw your mom: like half an hour ago we were running about in the rain putting the horses back in their yards 30. what is one thing you wish you could change in your life: world peace, there are too many people (and animals) that are a victim of unhappiness they will never deserve

31. what are you listening to right now: A WORLD ALONE AKA THAT LORDE SONG THAT I RELATE TO ON AN OTHERWORLDLY LEVEL 32. have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yeah, there’s one in my grade and he speaks fluent french (at least he did last time i checked which was like 2 years ago) 33. something that is getting on your nerves: tbh like all homework ever, plus this giant self-directed project we’re doing this year, it’s the most stressful thing ever. also, once again see point 3 34. most visited websites: umm i guess youtube, school’s home page, tumblr (although i’m mainly on mobile for that and that’s an app) reddit and ao3 (one my phone)

LOST QUESTIONS. I JUST PUT IN RANDOM INFO ABOUT ME 35. mole/s: nah not really 36. mark/s: nah, but i got beeg stretch marks on the sides of my hips bc i am gROWING FAST 37. childhood dream: i think a vet or zookepper. also i really wanted to publish a book that said ‘new york times bestseller’ on the front bc that’s what all my favs said on them (tbh i still dream of this) 38. hair color: blonde ayyy (but it’s getting darker underneath) 39. long or short hair: i guess medium - long (little below my shoulder blades) 40. do you have a crush on someone: not really i haven’t had one in literal years unless you count that time i sorta thought i had one one on my best friend even though im 98% sure i’m straight 41. what do you like about yourself: my creativity, like i’ve learnt not to say ‘oh i’m horrible at art/writing’ when i’m actually not that bad. also, i’m a total weirdo 42. piercings: confession: i don’t even have my ears pierced yet?? like, i do want them pierced, but i literally can’t be bothered atm lol 43. blood type: idk, although i did get a blood test like last monday, so i should know soon 44. nickname: i don’t really have any (there’s not much you can do with ‘lilly’) although i have one friend who calls me lilpil. 45. relationship status: single and probably staying that way for a while :) 46. zodiac: capricorn (but i don’t bother with zodiacs bc i am NOTHING like a capricorn) 47. pronouns: she/her

48. favorite TV Show: OMG I HAVE SO MANY BUT I’M A FRIGGIN HUGE DOCTOR WHO AND SHERLOCK FAN COME SCREAM ABOUT THEM TO ME also if you ship johnlock that’s even better!! 49. tattoos: none 50. right or left hand: right handed 51. surgery: nope 52. hair dyed in different color: never done, probably never going to (i change my mind ALOT) 53. sport: tbh i hate sport but i do horse riding and with school i do sailing and hockey (bc a summer and winter sport is compulsory)  55. vacation: OK LIKE I SAID I’M GOING TO MONGOLIA AND I CAN’T GIVE AWAY TOO MUCH BUT I DID HAVE TO APPLY TO GET IN AND I’M RAZZED 56. pair of trainers: i’m not to particular, i just have shoes for sport (alTHOUGH, i do have an awesome pair of white sneakers with a bit of gold round the back)

MORE GENERAL:

57. eating: it’s father’s day and we had a GIANT breakfast and lunch so i don’t know if i’m even having dinner 58. drinking: i could KILL for a milo right now (it’s like, my version of tea or coffee) but parents have stopped buying it because ‘there’s too much sugar’ TIM I DON’T CARE I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT IT 59. i’m about to: idk i need to practice guitar, work on my bujo (bc i’m super behind), keep writing my fic, and i guess other general stuff 61. waiting for: nothing really, it’s sunday night so i’m sad bc it’s monday tomorrow 62. want: lots of things (who don’t amirite) but one is getting my bedroom walls gyprocked and painted (they’re wood panelling and i hate it) 63. get married: tbh whenever i meet the right person :) 64. career: FILM DIRECTOR YO i know nothing about film but i still really want to do it.

WHICH IS BETTER 65. hugs or kisses: OMG HUGS HUG ME PLEASE 66. lips or eyes: eyes, literally everybody’s eyes are beautiful, it’s great 67. shorter or taller: taller 68. older or younger: older i guess 70. nice arms or nice stomach: nice personality ;) 71. sensitive or loud: sensitive, like me tbh i’m so sensitive raise your voice at me and i will burst into tears  72. hook up or relationship: relationship always 73. troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant, also like me

HAVE YOU EVER: 74. kissed a stranger: definitely no 75. drank hard liquor: nopeity no 76. lost glasses/contact lenses: don’t have ‘em 77. turned someone down: technically yes? there was this new kid at school and he was literally asking every girl out, i was a bit confused. 78. sex on the first date: definitely no  79. broken someone’s heart: sadly i think so (but we’re like best friends no so it’s all good) 80. had your heart broken: no 81. been arrested: no 82. cried when someone died: yes, aforementioned relative i barley knew (still sad tho)  83. fallen for a friend: sortofnotreally

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84. yourself: yes, at least i try my very hardest 85. miracles: in a way, yes 

86. love at first sight: not really

87. santa claus: when i as like 3, yes 

88. kiss on the first date: maybe?

OTHER: 90. current best friend name: ezri, my smol bean (also person from infamous point 3) fun fact: we’re both pretty sure she’s named after her character from star trek, ezri dax (her parents are giant nerds just like ez and i) 91. eye color: blue/gey with a bit of green 92. favorite movie: ARGHHH I CAN’T PICK I HAVE SOOO MANY, LIKE EVERY ONE BASED OFF BOOKS I LIKE, i really can’t pick, but one that is quite special to me is ‘my house in umbria’, my grandma and i used to watch this together all the time

Ok whoa this took me LITERAL HOURS but now that i’m done i just want to tag anyone who wants to do it! :)

[scifiphan]

92 Things About Me

tysm @sleepwalkerphan  for tagging me in this! it’s 2am and I’m procrastinating the heck out of writing so this is perfect lmao.

also I’ll put most of the things below the cut so keep reading if ya wanna know 92 fun facts about me

edit: this took me almost an hour to do and towards the end, I basically confess my entire life so have fun reading that lmao. like i seriously have a realisation about how idk what i’m doing with my life hahahaha

THE LAST..

1. Drink : Water #stayhydrated 2. Phone call : mum 3. Text Message : a gif of phil being scared in bed (even my irl friends are trash) 4. Song You Listened To : currently listening to Taro - alt-J 5. Time You Cried : On sunday I cried over a renovation reality tv show (??? yeah idk either, bro) the apartments just looked so nice and the team I liked got kicked off the show.

HAVE YOU EVER..

6. Dated Someone Twice : nope 7. Been Cheated On : nope 8. Kissed Someone And Regretted It : YES (smh @ me) 9. Lost Someone Special : thankfully no 10. Been Depressed : i honestly don’t know. i think I have but am so freaking stubborn at admitting I have had depressive episodes in the past 11. Got Drunk And Thrown Up : YES OH MY GOODNESS I HAVE HAD SO MANY BAD TIMES. DON’T DRINK WINE AND THEN A MILKSHAKE AND THEN DANCE ON A BEACH. YOU WILL ONLY END UP THROWING UP IN A GARBAGE BIN OUTSIDE A KEBAB STORE (it wasn’t even after midnight, that’s the most embarrassing thing) 

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLOURS :

12. Green 13. Pink 14. Turquoise

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU..

15. Made New Friends : yes!! so many new and amazing friends 16. Fallen Out Of Love : nope. 17. Laughed Until You Cried : laughing until I cry is me every time 18. Found Out Someone Was Talking About You : yes (you would think that adults would stop teen behaviours lol) 19. Met Someone Who Changed You : yes, the last year included so much change. 20. Found Out Who Your True Friends Are : Yes. Just gonna put it out there: traveling for an extensive period of time overseas really shows who your true friends are and who are the snakes. 21. Kissed Someone On Your Facebook List : hahahaha yes (too mant rip) 22.How Many Of Your Facebook Friends Do You Know In Real Life :  probably almost all of them (so like 550) only a few on there are my internet friends 23. Do You Have Any Pets : nope and I probs wont get another pet for a long long time 24. Do You Want To Change Your Name : NO!!!!!!! Teddii is a blessing although I would change my last name (it’s two surnames joined together and it makes life difficult because it’s so long) 25. What Did You Do For Your Last Birthday : went out for dinner at a mexican place, won a few dollars on the pokies and then went out clubbing (also i got a fine rip me) 26. What Time Did You Wake Up This Morning: 11am OOPS (i slept in and missed uni) 27. What Were You Doing At Midnight Last Night : probably making a gif 28. Name Something You Cannot Wait For : FINISHING UNI AND MOVING TO THE UK (hopefully to do my masters in global terrorism at the uni of london but if not i really wanna get a 1 year working visa and just do some hospitality work before I start a career) 29. When Was The Last Time You Saw Your Mother : like 4 hours ago when we were watching tv 30. What Is One Thing You Could Change About Your Life : I wish I had a UK passport, it would make life a lot easier for me if I had dual citizenship instead of a boring Australian passport 31. What Are You Listening To Right Now : alt-J, a live performance of Taro  32. Have You Ever Talked To A Person Named Tom : I know so many Tom’s it’s ridiculous 33. Something That Is Getting On Your Nerves : PEOPLE!!! WHO!! THINK!! THAT!! IF YOUR DEGREE!! ISN’T STEM!! THEN IT ISN’T!! HARD!!!! (i’m looking @ every friend who does a stem degree and always laughs at how my degree must be so easy because it doesn’t include math)

34. Most Visited Websites : tumblr, youtube, my uni’s website, facebook 35. Elementary : v great time, got bullied heaps but still had fun 36. High School : problematic fave. honestly my time at high school can fill a 500 page essay. being right next to a beach and river was actually gr8, the endless issues weren’t so good. 37. College/University : it has been a wild ride. I swapped degrees so I still have around 2 years left but uni has been my fave so far 38. Hair Colour : PINK!!!! (naturally ginger) 39. Long or Short Hair : long 40. Do You Have A Crush On Someone : nope (which is a shocker) 41. What Do You Like About Yourself : I like my individuality and independance 42. Piercings : 2x lobes, 1x helix, 1x nose. (i’m thinkng about getting my conch in a few weeks) 43. Blood Type : O+ 44. Nickname : ted, teddii bear, sideshow bob, cotton candy 45. Relationship Status : hella single 46. Zodiac Sign : Cancer (aka my birthday is soon hell yeah) 47. Pronouns : she/her. 48. Favourite Tv Show : STAR TREK: VOYAGER WILL ALWAYS BE MY FAVOURITE 49. Tattoos : crescent moon on my right wrist (i sorta don’t like how it turned out but after a year I have grown to appreciate the meaning) 50. Right Or Left Hand : Left handed (aka another reason why Dan is my spirit animal)

FIRST..

51. Surgery : i got a bunch of teeth removed when I was like 4/5  52. Word : baba or ma  53. Sport : soccer  54. Vacation : i actually can’t remember my first vacation. probs Sydney tbh idk I went a lot of places when I was young 55. Pair Of Trainers : probably something Adidas tbh

WHAT ARE YOU..

56. Eating : nothing 57. Drinking : water 58. Reading : nothing at the moment besides uni textbooks 59. I’m About To : I should say sleep but I’ll probably just watch youtube 60. Listening To : Breezeblocks by alt-J (can you see a recurring theme with my music questions?) 61. Waiting For : GoT SEASON 7 AKA MY BIRTHDAY (honestly feel so blessed to grow older and watch new GoT on the same day) 62. Craving For : MONEYYYYYYY. ya girl is unemployed thanks to the bad habit of planning last minute overseas holidays 63. Do you wanna get married : eventually but at the same time it doesn’t worry me 64. Going To Do When You Get Older : ????? ?????? ????? you would think I would have an idea but tbh idk. I’m studying International Relations and I want to do a postgrad in global terrorism. But career wise I have no bloody idea. I would like to work in the UN or UNESCO or for the Australian Government in an embassy. but at the same time I also want to be a travel photographer and just ignore my degree (idk adult life is hard)

YOUR TYPE..

65. Hugs or Kisses : HUGS 66. Lips or Eyes : eyes! <3333 67. Short or Tall : tall guys!!! but short girls are my weakness!! 68. Young or Old : HA haHA HA old 69. Nice Arms Or Nice Stomach : slight preference for nice arms because tummys are cute no matter what 70. Sensitive or Loud : I am both of those things so, por que no las dos? 71. Hook Up or Relationship : relationship (although I can’t relate because i am eternally single) 72. Troublemaker or Hesitant : I prefer when people are upfront instead of hiding stuff from me so I guess that means troublemaker?

HAVE YOU EVER..

73. Kissed A Stranger : yes 74. Drank Hard Liquor : yes (love me some vodka) 75. Lost Eye glasses or contact lenses : not yet thankfully 76. Turned Someone Down : YES! (there is nothing wrong with turning people down.) 77. Sex On First Date : no 78. Broken Someone’s Heart : yes and I still feel bad 79. Had Your Heart Broken : yep 80. Been Arrested : yes (kind of, long story) 81. Cried When Someone Died : yes. although I tend to go more numb instead of crying. idk it’s weird because I cry about everything but death kinda makes me become numb 82. Fallen For A Friend : yes (oops)

DO YOU BELIEVE IN..

83. In Yourself : yes although I need to believe in myself a lot more 84. Miracles : yes 85. Love At First Sight : yes and no. I believe it exists but I feel like a lot of people believe that they are experiencing love at first sight when in reality it is infatuation/lust. 86. Santa Claus : this question conflicts me because the logical side of me says no but the optimistic child side of me refuses to accept the truth 87. Kiss On The First Date : yeah 88. Angels : nah, not for me

OTHER..

89. Current best friend’s name : do i have a best friend? not really. again, it’s a weird time for me when it comes to friends. 90. Eye Colour : um blue with green and grey mixed in (it’s so hard to describe but yeah, those three) 91. Favourite singer/Band : Ed Sheeran, Mumford & Sons, al-J (i love them all a lot.) 92. Favourite Movie : Avatar. yes the blue alien one. It’s lame but I fell in love with the na’vi culture and it kinda helped get me obsessed with scifi.

And that’s a wrap!

If anyone actually read all that I hope you enjoyed my (very) late night confessions. Idk who to tag so if you see this and want to do it feel free to do so! Also, come hit up my inbox/messages if you wanna be my friend after reading this, I wanna make some friends on this hellsite

[thepermanentrainpress]

RECAP: FAN EXPO VANCOUVER - FEBRUARY 15-17TH, 2020

Fan Expo Vancouver first started in 2012. Part of the larger Fan Expo Canada brand, the event is now held over three days and attracts tens of thousands of people every year.

I have attended every single Fan Expo Vancouver since it began. In comparison to other Fan Expo events such as the one in Toronto and recently-acquired Fan Expo Calgary, I have noticed a slight decline in programming. Compared to previous line-ups and comparable guest lists at other conventions, Vancouver just does not deliver the same experience. The guests we get are great, and it’s not easy to coordinate everyone’s schedules. But having been in place for almost a decade, I would like to see this Fan Expo offer more programming, activities, and guests. Other conventions grow every year, but Vancouver’s seems to remain stagnant.

In past years, the panels at Fan Expo were held in rooms upstairs, separate from the main exhibition hall. In 2019 and this year, the panels were all held in side areas on the showroom floor. This did give the advantage of not having to travel far for each panel, and being easy to enter or leave. I was able to check out parts of different panels at the same time or wander in and out while exploring the maze of booths. However, it did create a distracting noise issue—it was hard to hear the panelists even with mics against the sound of thousands of people exploring. This was particularly an issue with the smaller panels that were very close to high-traffic areas and/or places with specific activities happening, such as the family zone. I understand there are probably financial reasons behind this change, but I was not a fan. It created more convenience, but made the panels less enjoyable.

Another noticeable disappointment was the lack of a coat check. They had one in earlier years but have stopped for some reason. This was especially irritating in the middle of February when it was cold and rainy for most of the weekend. The Expo has always been held in a cold month – November, February, March, and April – and as next year’s event has already been announced for Feb. 13-15th, 2021, I sincerely hope they bring back the amenity. It would really beat carrying around a heavy bag and/or coat all day, especially if you’re wearing a costume or just bought something large. Why discourage shopping?

I still had a really fun time exploring and checking everything out at Fan Expo. There are no other places in Vancouver where you can meet Darth Vader and Iron Man on the same day. 

The first panel I caught was that of the iconic Brendan Fraser. Currently on Doom Patrol, Brendan is best remembered – especially if you grew up in the early 2000s – for movies like The Mummy, George of the Jungle, and of course, Looney Tunes: Back In Action. He was an unexpected and much-anticipated headlining guest this year, and his panel was the most full I saw all weekend. He brought a great deal of charisma to the Q&A portion, whether it was discussing Looney Tunes (“Bugs is great… but Daffy Duck is an asshole!”) or delivering a spot-on John Cleese impression when reminiscing on George of the Jungle. 

I next saw a small, rather interesting discussion called Ritual: Exorcism in Film and Television. As a big horror fan, this was my personal favourite panel of the weekend. I really like seeing horror as a genre represented, as well as panels that don’t revolve around specific fandoms/IP. It was hosted by Morgan Knudsen, a real-life paranormal researcher. Morgan began by discussing popular possession and demon movies like The Rite, The Exorcism of Emily Rose, and of course, The Exorcist. She then told us of real-life cases that inspired these films and the facts of what really happened. We watched videos and listened to recordings of people who had undergone actual exorcisms and were allegedly possessed. Morgan emphasized studying the evidence and coming to our own conclusion on these cases. Some of the information and especially the voices I heard made me question what was real for sure.

Madelaine Petsch, who also attended last year and is best known as Cheryl Blossom on Riverdale, was another Q&A with a huge turnout. Many of her fans also enjoy her social media and vlogging. She spoke about fond moments on the show, things she enjoyed about Vancouver, and her favourite local vegan eats. Madelaine is very charming, warm, and funny in her live interviews—definitely a convention highlight for myself and I’m sure many others. 

Christina Ricci was a surprising but very interesting addition to the lineup. As a child actress, she’s seen just about everything in Hollywood. This led to a lively discussion of her beginnings, evolution into more serious roles, and all the people she worked with along the way. Recalling her small but memorable part working with Terry Gilliam in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, she said “I had Benico del Toro whipping me with a towel and Johnny Depp’s foot in my mouth, and Terry and Johnny both telling me to bite harder… and I thought, this is my life now.” 

The final big panel of the day was a Star Trek: The Next Generation reunion with LeVar Burton and Marina Sirtis. Any Trek actors are always a draw, and this was quite a popular panel as well. Although Marina has been to Fan Expo in the past, LeVar quipped that it had been decades since he’d been to this city. “The last time I was in Vancouver, Alan Thicke was still on TV.”

Although I was unable to attend Sunday, the day was filled with activity and celebrity panels. Highlights included Q&As with Smallville’s own Superman Tom Welling, The Mandalorian’s Giancarlo Esposito, cult film legend Bruce Campbell, The X-Files’ William B. Davis and Nicholas Lea, and Oscar Nunez and Brian Baumgartner of The Office. 

On Monday, I checked out Geeks vs Nerds – a live debate where two groups square off on a particular aspect of pop culture. In this case, it was who’s cuter: Baby Yoda or Baby Groot? There was a series of arguments and rebuttals, often punctured with impressions, insults, and singing to heighten the geeky atmosphere. The winner (narrowly, Baby Groot) was decided by audience applause. This was a very lively and hilarious show that attracted a wandering crowd—who could resist the cuteness of either of those aliens?

As always, there was a large assortment of booths, with exhibitors from all over Canada and even internationally. All sorts of collector’s items were for sale – comics, action figures, clothing, artwork, and even weapons. The Artist Alley featured a variety of creators selling their own prints, commissions, jewelry, plushies, and more. Adjacent to Artist Alley were rows of comic creators – professional artists in the industry, meeting fans, selling books, and even doing sketches.

One of the most prominent (and recurring) attractions was the Vancouver chapter of the 501st Legion – dedicated Star Wars cosplayers. Running a large charity booth, fans could get photos with stormtroopers, Darth Vader, Kylo Ren, BB-8, R2-D2, and other iconic characters. At one point they led a large, ominous march through the expo halls, as if the whole place was under invasion by the First Order. There are lots of cool costumes at this convention, but these people really commit. 

There were lots of cosplay meetups throughout the day from a variety of fandoms, and even a red carpet! It was by far the best place to get some great photos as a cosplayer or observer, and to show off and meet with like-minded fans. Everyone enjoyed this, but especially the children. My favourite part of every Expo is seeing kids get pictures and high fives from superheroes or other fun characters, especially when the kid is also dressed up. 

New to this year’s event was Podcast Alley, an area of booths and live tapings for local podcasts and their hosts. Guests this year included Warriors Bards ’n Brews, Fear of Science, Let’s Talk About Myths, Baby, Dark Poutine, Drinking and Screaming, Geeks vs Nerds, and Politicoast. There were even workshops on the nature of podcasting and how to create one yourself. I think this was a great way to bring in some local talent and introduce fans to new podcasts, or even to the medium of podcasting in general.

Also in its inaugural year was the “Family Zone.” This was a wide open space with areas for kids to play in; one place had giant cardboard blocks. The Sorting Ceremony – a Harry Potter-themed activity in which kids could find out their Hogwarts House via a talking “hat” (person in a costume) – took place here. There was also a few “Dance Parties” complete with pop music. As a young adult with no kids, I was probably not the target audience for the Family Zone. It was very popular throughout the weekend with children, and I think parents enjoyed it. But as the floor was already crowded – especially with the panels being hosted there – I did feel it took away space from potential exhibitors, stores, and artists. It’s good to give kids (and their parents!) a place to hang out, but I don’t think it did much for the majority of attendees. 

I finished the day with live improv by The Fictionals. The staging was hosted and led by Daniel Chai, who also led many of the panels throughout the weekend. Using traditional improv methods (audience suggestions and the classic “Freeze!” exercise), the group finished the convention with extremely spontaneous laughs. 

Overall, it was another successful time at Vancouver’s largest fandom convention. There are definitely aspects I’d like to see changed and improved on in the future. Still, it’s one of my favourite weekends of the year and I’m excited to see what’s in store for 2021!

Written by: Cazzy Lewchuk

[leonard-cohen-the-second]

When Two Hearts Collide, Chapter 5: A Trip to the Dal

Pairing: Tamsin/Lauren- Copdoc

Rating: T, M in the future

Summary:  Looking for a place to read, Lauren finds herself in the Dal Riata looking for a certain barkeep. Too bad she doesn't remember his name, or find him immediately. What she does find, however, is a very large book all about fictional creatures called the Fae. And... Trick is right behind her with a bat isn't he?

Ao3// FF Links

The buzzing of conversation was all around Lauren as she sat in a cool patch of grass with her head in a book. One knee was hiked to her chest, the other laying in the grass underneath it, as she turned the page and did her best to shut out the noises around her. It was the first Sunday on campus, and while she did not think there would be the disturbing silence that night brought in the daytime, she also didn't think it would be bustling with students on the cusp of classes continuing.

When she awoke Tamsin was already gone, the pizza box no longer on the floor where it was thrown the night before but instead placed in the trash. The taller woman had gotten very good at cleaning up after herself in the last two days, and it pleased Lauren to the core that she was truly trying to apologize. Seeing as it was her last free day and Tamsin didn't leave her a note for another date, she decided the morning would be well spent reading under one of the large trees that was lining the sides of the quad. They were far enough away from any antics from the sororities, but not far enough so that the murmurs of students didn't reach her.

Still her eyes raced through the words, blocking out almost every distraction as she flipped the page and breathed, “Oh Diana.”

The distractions got the better of her, however, and right before she could finish the chapter a group of fraternity members whistled and hollered past her. It made Lauren's mind snap to reality, bleary eyes blinking wildly around her, before she let out a breath and allowed herself to be annoyed. Only for a moment, and whatever negativity that was buzzing in her mind was swiftly gone. In its place was simply the desire to find a place to finish her book she knew was quiet and not her dorm room. The cafe she frequented was far too loud for her, and she briefly thought of going to the clearing Tamsin had shown her. That was dashed, instantly feeling guilty for even thinking of going without the woman.

Picking up her backpack, she never left the room without it, she began walking presumably off of campus. Between the bar she was heading to and the buildings in which classes were placed in were only trees and barren land. The emergency call centers that were dotted across campus did not reach this far, and the student body didn't seem to venture out anywhere near. Though Lauren walked on the sidewalk, she knew she could probably walk on the open road with little fear of a car plowing into her.

Lauren reached the Dal Riata quicker than the first time she had come there. While Tamsin had a purpose the previous day, she still walked slowly to the bar, letting them both take in everything as they walked. Lauren hadn't been complaining since they were hand in hand for the entire journey. When she walked inside she still did not hear any commotion, making her instantly grow cheery. She was in the rising action of her book, and she wanted to finish it before the end of the day. Seeing no one sitting, playing pool, or at the bar instantly raised her mood further, though something did scratch at the back of her mind.

“Barkeep?” Lauren called shyly. She did not catch his name the first time around, making her feel out of place. It seemed to be his bar, and the fact she couldn't even call out his name was blatantly disrespectful. The door had been unlocked, but she did not wish to let herself get comfy if the barkeep didn't want her there. “Hello?”

Something metal clattered and resounded to her left, making Lauren stop in her tracks for a few moments. The room was still once more, and she placed her book onto the bar and went to the walkway in which she heard the sound. She hadn't realized it the first time, but she was sure it led into a basement of sorts, making the already enormous bar even larger. The wooden and stone interior led into the passageway, and as Lauren descended the stairs she continued to call out.

Getting to the bottom led her to another wooden entryway, and from there she walked into a study of some kind. It was a large room, with yet another door that led deeper into the ground, and there were strange objects and ancient looking books peppered around. Her boots clacked against the stone floor as she walked slowly around, taking a closer look at a rather large book bound together by withered covers. The curiosity in her was bubbling over, and she rested her voice for a moment and instead turned her attention on opening and studying the book. It had no name, and the writing was in such a scrawl that she only saw in history books. It took her brain a moment to comprehend, but soon she was reading paragraphs on different creatures.

Lauren had never read into more fictionalized fantasy writings like fairies or goblins, choosing to stick to more scientific things like Star Trek and Battlestar Galactica, though the book was certainly making her brush up on the former now. The tome had descriptions and drawn pictures of these beasts called fae, and she was currently reading up on what an Aswang was, and its physiology which she had more interest in, when she heard something like wood slap against flesh.

“I didn't realize I needed to invest in a door down here,” the barkeep said, looking like a father who had just caught their child with their hand in the cookie jar. Lauren bolted up, her gaze going between the book and the man, before he replied for her, “What can I do you for?”

She eyed the plank of woof in the barkeep's hand before hitting her hands against her thighs. “I was, uh, looking for you and I thought I heard a noise.”

“Inside my book?” The man came around the couch, placing down the wooden slab before closing the tome. He smiled up at Lauren and invited her to sit. When she did, he folded his arms and said, “Well, here I am. Your search has come to an end.”

“There might be something you could help me with,” Lauren was quick to say. When the barkeep didn't stop her, she continued, “What's... your name?”

Lauren expected the man to burst out laughing in her face, but instead he was rather calm, chuckling softly before bowing. “Fitzpatrick McCorrigan, but Trick will suffice. I will take that admission as no insult from you, don't worry.” He chuckled again, sitting down himself. “What has brought you to the Dal Riata?”

“Just looking for a place to read quietly.”

“You've found something to read too.”

Lauren glanced around, giving herself a moment to quell the guilt building in her, before asking, “What's a fae? I couldn't help notice it's peppered through the pages.”

Trick moved forward on his seat, something like pity passing over his features. “Some believe it to be just a fairy tale. Fiction, as it were. ”

“Some but not all? Is this like a conspiracy?” Lauren's eyes widened in faux surprise, leaning in slightly further, trying to suppress a stream of chuckles before whispering, “Did I just stumble onto a cult?”

“You have an overactive imagination,” Trick responded, smiling kindly. “I didn't expect Tamsin to bring you here in person, what with her failing to remember my name.”

Lauren blushed, stammering over her words, “W-well it was a really busy day yesterday. It's actually my fault, I didn't ask for your name, and I came without Tamsin today and-”

“Please,” Trick cut her off, holding up his hand, “please calm yourself, Lauren. It was merely a joke.” When he saw Lauren's body deflate, he quickly remarked, “This is called the Book of the Fae. It has everything one need know about the physicality and history of certain fae creatures. I wrote it myself.”

Lauren hummed lightly as she looked at the intricate design on the cover. She wished to touch it and study it more, but she kept her hands to herself. “I didn't know you were an author.”

“I'm not.” Trick lowly chortled as he placed a hand onto the book. “Tamsin tells me you're studying to become a doctor. A noble profession, one that we need more of in this neck of the woods.”

“She said that?” The woman went quiet, looking down at her hands. Why had Tamsin told this man about her? Were they closer friends than she initially thought? Or perhaps it was Lauren who was closer to Tamsin than she had previously theorized. They surely were getting along more, and even with her absence this morning, Lauren felt as if the tall woman was with her even in this strange chamber. “Yes, I am.”

“I have a... friend that has recently fallen ill. Perhaps you can take a look at her.”

“Oh, I'm sorry, Trick. I'm still in my first year, and haven't seen too many-”

Trick interjected, “But you've ranked highest in your class already. An impressive feat when those that go to this school are taken into consideration.”

Those that go to... “Tamsin must really like to talk,” she cautiously said.

The man smiled again, his withered round face still holding onto the whispers of youth. He had kind eyes, but a commanding tone, “Not so much, I'm afraid. I'm sorry if it seems I'm pushing you. My friend is very sick and I'm worried about her. You could take a look at her medical files she's entrusted to me before you make your decision to help.”

“Of course,” she stammered. She didn't question him any further, already feeling more drastically out of place, and she watched as Trick left the seat opposite her and towards a desk. He fumbled in it before pulling out a folder tucked tight with papers, and he handed it to her with a caring look.

“Thank you, Lauren. This truly means a lot to me.”

She nodded her head and tried to smile, getting up and walking to the entryway. Before traversing the stairs she looked back at the man and said, “Of course, Trick.”

Trick's bright and cheery disposition, that was only lightly tempered with sadness, suddenly darkened as Lauren left him. His shoulders were no longer hunched and tired, but instead commanding in presence. He waited until the bell on the door of the Dal Riata chimed peacefully before ascending the stairs and moving behind his bar. Making sure Lauren had truly gone, he picked up the ancient looking phone and began dialing.

A sweet voice cascaded over the other end, but Trick cut them off and snapped, “It's done. Our deal is fulfilled.” He hung up immediately after, uncaring of whatever response he would have received. Sad, weary eyes looked towards the door once more, before he sighed heavily, hoping that what he had just unleashed would not destroy them all.

[star-wars-canon-blog]

An Introduction

When it comes to Star Wars, I grew up in a strange period of purgatory.  Unlike the kids of the 70’s and the 80’s, (the latter of which only comprising the first three years of my life), I have no memories of seeing any of the original films in theaters. But neither did I spend my golden years surrounded by the omnipresence that is Star Wars, like the children of today.  My earliest memories of Star Wars come from commercials for Micro Machines’ “Star Wars Action Sets,” or the odd clip featured on Muppet Babies. It wasn’t until I was nearing 7 years old that my father was prompted by the promotional sale of THX’s digitally remastered VHS release to buy these movies on a lark, and show them to my sister and I.

In later years, I would collect each and every one of these, in lieu of any of the Kenner line.  They imprinted on me, early.

Now, my father is not the ubergeek that I am. This was a guy who owns his own construction business, loves college football and was the quintessential jock, growing up. In my youngest years, I do recall him being a fan of Star Trek - The Next Generation, but aside from that, he didn’t, and still doesn’t, bear the trappings of what we would recognize as “nerd culture.”  And yet, even so, he had a sneaking suspicion that we might appreciate these movies. Little did he know he was creating a monster. My sister and I sat glued to the TV as we binged both A New Hope and Empire Strikes Back, periodically taking breaks to run upstairs from the TV room and re-enact our favorite scenes. For the record, I do remember the revelation of Vader’s true identity spoiled for me long before I ever saw the movie.

"Well, thank you, Mr. Blow-The-Picture-for-Me.”

Of course, the day after that was Sunday, which meant we were both returning to our Mother’s house, after spending the weekend with Dad.  My parents had divorced a few years prior, which meant that every other weekend we spent with my father, while the remainder of the time, we lived with her. This, of course, meant that it was going to be another two weeks before I got to figure out what happened in Return of the Jedi. It was agony. I couldn’t focus in school, (not that I was overly concerned with that, anyway), none of my friends had seen any of them, so I couldn’t even talk with them about that, and, of course, this was a time before the ubiquity of the internet, so looking up spoilers wasn’t even an option. After a few days, I begged and pleaded with my mom to take me to Blockbuster Video so that we could rent the third movie.  They didn’t have it.  Not that it was already on loan...they simply didn’t have a copy in stock.

And apparently, insisting my mother buy me ANOTHER copy of the trilogy was “unreasonable.”

Finally, the two weeks were up, and after a grueling two-hour car ride to Chatham County, North Carolina, I threw my copy of Return of the Jedi into the VCR and sat with my sister to watch.  It was pure catharsis. The fear, the anxiety, the uncertainty about the future that Luke must have felt between episodes V and VI was mirrored in my own grip of suspense, and when the Jedi finally returned, he did so with gusto.  To my relief, Luke did not end up killing his father, but instead, met a form of reconciliation. A realization that despite their differences, Luke and Anakin were more alike than perhaps either of them initially realized. It hit me very close to home. After all, if there was hope for Vader and Luke, perhaps there was hope for me and my father, as well.

My father and I’s relationship was complex, to say the least. As mentioned previously, we could not have been more different in terms of interests and hobbies. For that matter, we often found ourselves butting heads more often than not. As a child of divorced parents, especially at such a young age, I had my fair share of trust issues that manifested themselves in assorted ways. And my father’s patience could sometimes be very thin. In retrospect, I feel that he did the best that he could, and I certainly didn’t make things any easier on my part. My desires to dream big often came at the cost of my focus on reality. In short, the idea of staying on the farm, fixing Moisture Vaporators seemed like agony, while I’d rather be playing with my Skyhopper.

“Ptew! Ptew! Take that, Womprat!”

Much like the aforementioned pair, my father and I did eventually grow to a more mutual understanding that came with age and maturity, on both of our parts, and a developing sense of compromise. However when the credits rolled for the final time, I remember being struck with the strongest sense of depression. After all, it was over. There were no more adventures to be had. Of course, there were rumors, at the time, of the prequel trilogy coming to light, soon...but those were many years incoming. Until my next trip to the library revealed to me that the adventures had not ended...they had only begun.

While far from the first written, Timothy Zahn’s Thrawn Trilogy books certainly among the most popular and groundbreaking.

My sister, being a bit older than me, was able to tear through Timothy Zahn’s Heir to the Empire and subsequent books, while I tried to occupy myself with slightly easier fare.  I tore through Kevin J. Anderson’s Young Jedi Knights series the way kids today absorb Harry Potter. Which doesn’t surprise me, as from a narrative standpoint, the two bear very striking similarities. For the record, I’d take training on Yavin IV with Luke Skywalker over a letter from Hogwarts any day of the week. As for creating my own stories, my stepmother worked for a distribution company that focused on memorabilia, and as such, I had access to not only toys but trading cards, posters, cardboard standups, everything.  And of course, at the time, catalogs and special orders were the only place where such things could be procured. Christmas of that year consisted of nothing but Star Wars.

Imagine, if you can, a time when Star Wars merchandise was hard to come by.

I finally got to see my favorite movies on the big screen once again when in 1997, the Original Trilogy was re-released into theaters for the Special Edition. Seeing the updated special effects was...kind of cool, but I never felt there was anything particularly wrong with them in the first place. Spoiled by such realistic effects as seen in Jurassic Park, their dated hokiness only added to their charm. To me, it was somehow more impressive that they were able to do all of that without computers. But the bonus side-effect of the Special Edition was the bringing of Star Wars back into the cultural spotlight. Not only did toys return to the shelves, but games like Rebel Assault II and Masters of Teräs Käsi for the Sony Playstation gave these weird little movies that only I seemed to love a sense of legitimacy.

Ahh, Masters of Teräs Käsi, the fighting game that gave players control of their favorite Star Wars characters. Like Luke, Leia, Chewbecca, and of course, the unfortunately monikered Hoar.

Of course, being a kid, I didn’t have much of the geeky sense of ownership that comes with a niche interest becoming more mainstream.  To me, I was simply thankful that my friends were starting to take an interest. Within a few years, speculation began to stir about the impending release of Star Wars: Episode I. And then came the day that the trailer dropped. I remember waiting hours, on my dial-up connection, for a grainy trailer to load, playing whatever footage had already buffered over and over again until finally getting to watch the entire trailer from start to finish. Now, in my older, more cynical times, I would cringe at the enthusiasm that I expressed for The Phantom Menace, but of course, at the time, I was simply happy to see another Star Wars movie.  And while my first love shall always remain the originals, in spite of myself, I can’t outright say that I am capable of hating any of them.

Hate does, after all, lead to suffering…

It seems almost embarrassing to say that most of my passions can be sourced, in some way, from Star Wars. My love for reading developed from both the previously mentioned Young Adult novels and also Lord of the Rings, books that were recommended to me simply because of my love of Star Wars. I grew up from playing “the Adventures of Luke and Leia” with my sister to telling my own stories via many of the Star Wars Role-Playing Games that have come out across the years, (and continue to do so, to this day.) My admiration for Voice Acting coming from the sheer astonishment that the guy who voiced the Joker in my favorite cartoon also played Luke Skywalker. And my love of filmmaking can be traced back to the puppetry and special effects utilized in the originals. Indeed, this blog, a Star Wars blog, is the conduit through which to pursue my passion for writing.

With movies being released, television shows in development and/or production, numerous comic book titles published by Marvel, and full-length novels being written on the regular, this franchise - which started out as three simple movies - only seems to be getting bigger by the day. This blog, for the most part, is an exploration of the stories that exist within the Star Wars canon. An exploration of the overarching story of the Skywalker family, and the struggles of the Light against the Dark. In addition to that, however, it is also an insight into the fandom of Star Wars, itself, and just what it is about these stories that want us to create our own. Whether you love the prequels, or hate them; whether the idea of a new generation of Star Wars fans delights or repulses you, and whether the codifying and quantifying of canon versus Legends is a source of relief or frustration -- we all want to live, if only for an hour or two, in a Galaxy Far, Far Away...