#maybe I’ll ask her to put me on the waitlist for two weeks time so I can see her before 26/2

[dreaminginstasis]

I’ve been watching the pitt and it’s really good (I love a good medical drama) but the latest ep had a guy with a post tonsillectomy bleed and it reminded me of my post tonsillectomy bleed and how I Iiterally almost died choking on my own blood and now I feel really… wiggly

[jeonandjoonie]

Just One Day

posted on wattpad and this tumblr only.

You have a crush on your boxing T.A. college au. Jungkook X Reader.

word count: ~10,900k

W: NONE

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Kids.

You couldn’t believe that for your last semester in college you would have to take a physical education class. You still curse your advisor when you remember the day.

You were walking happily to your appointment prepared to turn in your graduation application only to be told that you were not set to graduate. Your previous advisor didn’t notice the unfulfilled requirement. You almost cried and immediately went to your apartment to search up any physical Ed classes that would satisfy the requirement.

Of course being so late in registering, all the basic classes such as Yoga, Gym, and Dance were filled. You looked over the list, even weight training had a waitlist of 5. You were beginning to feel hopeless as you saw Judo and Tennis having a waitlist as well. There must be an open one!!

And how much your heart delighted when you noticed a class that was full but had no waitlist! Your eyes immediately crossed over to the left to see what class it was.

Boxing.

Taken back, you pushed back the stress from clouding your mind. Thinking of having to not only work out but be punched down Sighing, you quickly clicked on the class to register accepting your doom. Another couple hundred dollars invested into your degree, taking a class you were not interested in.

With the start of the semesters you passed through all your classes easily already feeling like a master in your discipline. You walked happily from class to class. You were especially happy that your internship and student work study all fit perfectly within your schedule.

You plopped yourself onto your tiny single bed. In a few hours you’ll have to get ready for your first day of Boxing. 3-hour class, two times a week, it made you want to cry. Your classes started at 6 and it was past 4 when you got to your apartment, so you quickly went to your kitchen to eat. You wanted your food to be digested before class to prevent yourself from vomiting.

You settled for some leftover mango rice and smoked salmon that accumulated from days before. Neither were yours, but you and your three other roommates agreed that when food has been in the fridge for more than two days it’s a free for all.

"Hey, __" your roommate, literally roommate which you share your room with, patted your head as she passed you. "Do you want to do our nails and talk about our 5-year plans and then eat ice cream?" She shouted from your shared bedroom.

" Sorry, can’t!" You shouted back to her, "I got that boxing class tonight!" You continued to shout even though she was now in front of you. You wanted the whole world to hear your misery.

"Oh, that sounds like fun!" She responded leaning onto the counter

" Ugh. Please, it’s going to be such a waste of time. Punching people is one thing but having to let someone punch me sounds so annoying" you complained putting your dishes in the sink.

"Stop crying, I’m sure they won’t have you fight anyone. I bet it’ll just be like learning posture or something. It’ll probably just be the basics".

"True... Anyways do you have any clothes I can borrow real quick? I didn’t have time to buy any"

"Sure, What’s the dress code"

“I dunno, the guy just said casual and comfortable for the first day", you thought it over " just sweats, I have a t-shirt. Please!"

When you asked for sweats you didn’t think it was going to be an issue. Sweats are pretty much one size fits all. You should have known better as you looked at yourself in your floor length mirror. Minah's gray sweats were clinging to your butt and legs.

"Oh my god Minah, what is your size? a size negative zero, I feel like I’ll explode. Did you get this at the kids’ section".

"Shut up, those are the only ones I have…they kind of shrunk when I washed them" she mumbled the last part. You knew Minah was skinnier than you, but you didn’t expect it to be this much maybe just a size or two. "they don’t even look that bad, they fit really snug on me after the wash".

Seeing your disappointing stare, she quickly fusses over you. "Fine. Bend down, run, jump or do whatever boxers do. Let’s see how they look".

You jumped, kicked, and ran in place. You dropped it low a couple times to feel the strain on your thighs and butt.

"I mean…I guess they’re okay" you studied yourself again "you know what, it’s no big deal it’s like I’m wearing yoga pants"

Minah laughed "You’re so right! why are we even discussing this?"

You looked at her putting on a pout "they look like yoga pants, but they feel like they’re about to rip. Look, my pockets are sticking out!"

Finally getting annoyed with you, Minah sighed loudly throwing her hands up in a dramatic flair "Wear them, don’t wear them. Hurry up cause it.." she looks at her rose gold wrist watch with faux diamonds around the frame, the one you gifted her for Christmas. Yes, you are proud of your gift. "Oh my gosh, __ you need to go it's 5:50! Isn’t your class at 6?" Minah looked at you with wide eyes.

"What?!" you squeaked. You didn’t want to be late, you couldn’t given the fact that you were on the waitlist. You can’t give off a bad impression now. "Oh my…oh my gosh" you muttered to yourself quickly, slipping on a black t-shirt. You grabbed your bag and ran towards the front door to slip on your black shoes. Which was a struggle and you later realized it would have been easier and maybe faster to untie them and then put them on.

You reached out for the door handle only to have it hit you against your forehead.

"Oh my gosh" three voices chorused at the same time.

Sohee your other roommate gasped as she grabbed your arm to inspect your injury. However, you simply brushed her away as you were already late. "__, wait are you okay, I’m so sorry"

"It's fine, I’m good!” you yelled back as you ran the two blocks to your campus. only to getting slightly lost as you turned a right and not a left. You didn’t even have time to blame it on your possible concussion. Can you get a concussion? you don’t know. But you almost threw up with nerves when you realized you made the wrong turn.

You need to get into this class. Your graduation depended on it. Although you’re sure they will squeeze you in when they realize you’re a senior, you still want to be in good standing with the instructor if you planned on slacking off in class.

Reaching the gymnasium doors, you tried to control your breathing. You haven’t run this fast since you had to run miles in middle school. You felt dizzy and tried hard not to think about your burning calves.

Inside looked nothing like you thought it would. You imagined dark lights, punching bags, and maybe some weights. However, there were only large mats laid out on the floor. A small group of students seated in front of what you figured is the instructor. You quickly ducked your head trying to hide yourself as you sat down in the back. There were two other people standing next to him wearing head gear and strapping on boxing gloves.

"And who is the new intruder?" the instructor, Mr. Kang or Mino, questioned out loud.

You shyly smiled (or what you thought was a cute shy smile) when in reality you looked like a nervous wreck, trying to hide the fact that your legs were burning and you were breathing too hard. Hmm? was that sweat running down your neck.

"I’m ___, I should be on the waitlist"

Mino made a huge show of flipping the pages of his clipboard. "Ah yes __, I see you here. Well if you still want this class you’re in luck because three people dropped out this morning"

Even though you were practically hyper venting in your seat and you're pretty sure the sweatpants were cutting your circulation. You felt such a relief wash over you.

“Just don’t make a habit out of being late, 25 minutes is unacceptable, 5 more and I would have kicked you out. Next time make sure to email me beforehand"

If you didn’t look like a nervous wreck before, you sure did now. You nodded your head too afraid to speak from the embarrassment.

"Come get your syllabus after class, we’ve already gone over it”, he looked around “Everyone this is why I stress that you should attend every class and be here on time, every moment is important" he clapped his hands, “now for the fun part: the demonstration”. He turned towards the two people standing at his side, “like I said these are two of my excellent students who are in boxing III, they volunteered their time to be here and help me teach this course. so please give them the same respect you will give me" he turned towards them once more giving them a nod as a sign to begin. The two guys started to face each other and sway around.

"These are more advanced moves, we won’t be learning these in this course but I want you to see..."

The instructor's voice drifted off as you watched the two guys start to move and jab at each other. They were fast and moving so quick on their feet. Your eyes lingered on to their legs. Interesting…very interesting. With these types of demonstrations maybe this class wouldn’t be so bad.

The two guys continued to "punch" each other bouncing in their spot. "Whoos" can be heard from the students around you who knew what was happening. It did look like the one in all black was beating the one in a blue shirt. The guy in blue was larger than the other which says a lot since they both look fit.

You were startled out of analyzing as Mino clapped his hands, "Okay. Okay, guys that’s enough thank you".

He applauded and everyone followed along. As did you, poking your head in between the seated bodies in front of you trying to get a better look of the guys. The guy in all black had tattoos on his hand and arm. The one in blue had a tattoo running up his neck. You were curious to see how it would spread out on his body. When he fully took off his head gear, wow….

Oh….

Wow…

You were amazed. These guys are so handsome. They are the straight definition of charming. You almost wanted to reprimand him for risking his stunning features. He gave a boxy smile "Hi, everyone my name is Taehyung".

“Hi Taehyung” a couple of aspiring class clowns responded back.

"Hi, I’m Jungkook" the voice next to him said.

Your eyes turned to him. The one in all black. To say your heart stopped would be an understatement because you are sure your brain cells did to. You froze in your spot, zoning in on his pretty face. Noticing the way his eyes crinkle despite his attempt to look serious. The charm and absolute power that oozed out of him was no intimidation to you, for your newfound adoration for his aura and beauty captivated you more. So much that you are willing to freeze in the spot if it resulted in you taking him in.

You continued to stare at Jungkook. This time zoning in on his lips, not yet picking up on his squinted eyes trying to meet yours for he felt you blunt stare and felt slightly amused. Jungkook, what a guy, what a man, what a-

“Okay class, let’s begin some basic moves everybody! Get to the mats".

Upon hearing more chatter and the squeaks of shoes, like on autopilot your body stood up. You were out of your trance once you realized you were staring at the back of Jungkook's neck. You quickly got into a spot in the back corner wanting a place where no one will see if you happened to rip your sweats or see your lame attempt at following along. You tried to make sure you have a view on that Jungkook guy, but blocking your view was a couple other people. You didn’t even have the privilege of seeing his calf. You decided to just admit defeat and listen to Mino. The class began with basic exercises that seemed even more difficult than the jumping jacks and squats you did in your room earlier.

"Hey are you alright?". You jumped back upon hearing a voice at your side, "Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you, are you good?"

It was Taehyung.

"Huh, wha- why?.. no, no I’m good"

"Okay it just seemed like you were struggling a bit”

"No I’m fine. Everything is fine…haha" you said as you lunged your leg forward like everyone else did to show him you were right on track. Can he notice the agony on your face that was caused by the ridiculous sweats?

“How about your forehead?” he asked, pointing to his own, upon seeing the confusion in your eyes.

“OH” you exclaimed a little too loudly, placing a hand on your forehead.

Taehyung gave you a short smile and a short nod as he jogged up to his spot in front of your section.

How considerate. As the exercises began you were now aware of Taehyung eyes. He tried to act like he was casually glancing at you and not keeping an eye on you. You would love to say it was due to that fact that he thought you were cute, but you knew it was because of the sweat that now adorned your face and the puffs that escaped your mouth. You haven’t exercised properly in ages.

As you continued your moves you were beginning to feel itchiness from the band around your ankles. You lifted the band as much as you can, only to be horrified with the deep red marks imprinted around your ankles. You looked up in shock meeting Taehyung's eyes. He immediately rushed to your side .

“Are you crazy?” He asks you with wide eyes “You need to go change”

“I’m okay” you tried keeping your voice hushed as to contour Taehyung's loud exclamation that had people around you turning their heads.

“No, this is bad,” Taehyung said, trying to find Mino to gain his attention.

“No, No, I’m fine” you hiss at Taehyung “Go away”.

Taehyung ignores you as he stands at high alert waiting for Mino to come to your side. You noticed Jungkook trailing behind him.

As the two men approached, Taehyung simply pointed at your ankles which were lamely covered by your hands.

Jungkook rushes to your side and tries to lift your sweats to see the damage done. If you weren’t so mortified by the attention given by everyone in the class, you would have swooned at his proximity.

“I’m fine” you mumble.

“No,” Mino says, meeting Jungkook’s eye “you should go home. Class is almost finished anyways”.

Feeling defeated your get up to your feet keeping your eyes on the ground. Being this close to them you realized how small you are. You hid behind Jungkook’s body to hide from your class's attention.

“I’m okay” you try to reason with Mino, “just a little tight” you tried to laugh.

“Miss?”

“__”

“___” Mino repeated, “I’m responsible for you in this class and I won’t allow for any injury no matter how small or big. Please, you're excused to go home”.

Slumping your shoulders and keeping your head to the ground you sighed, “Okay”.

In any other situation you would have taken this as a fortunate luxury, a blessing in disguise, but since Jungkook was witness to this (and Taehyung) you felt embarrassed. You didn’t want them to think of you as dumb. I mean you are leaving a boxing class early due to an injury caused by your tight sweats.

“and ___,” he called out to you as you made your way to the door ,”please come to class on time and be properly dressed”.

Yeah, this had to be one of the dumbest moments in your life.

You grumbled your way to your second class of boxing. After the first class, you went home and cried to your roommates about how embarrassing it was. Although you didn’t have time to wallow in your embarrassment due to the difficulty of peeling off the sweats. The girls helped you lather ointment on your red marks. The stinging and itchiness can now be felt with the cool air hitting your skin. You and Minah were scolded by Tara, your other roommate, for putting yourself in danger in “cutting off your damn ankles!”. You tried to protest only to be hushed by Sohee. With the way things were that night it would seem like you and Minah were the kids to your mothers Tara and Sohee. So, to fit into your new role you stuck out your tongue at both of their backs as they left your room and Minah tried to suppress her giggles.

You really didn’t want to go to the next class, but that degree was on the line. What would be your excuse? That you were publicly embarrassed in front of your class?

This time around you made sure to buy some sweats and cute shiny shorts. You will be prepared. Well not that prepared, as you slipped on the shorts you noticed how you didn’t even shave. So, you had to go back to the black sweats you brought.

To your massive egos surprise, no one seemed to care or remember about you. You made sure to arrive 10 minutes early and found yourself with three other early birds. Not even Mino or his helpers were here. You felt a little ridiculous but it’s better than being late. So, you sat against the wall scrolling through your phone waiting for the time to pass. It was 4 minutes before class when the chatter in the gym began to get louder. You looked up to see that everyone was here including your instructor. You remembered that you had to get the syllabus but now he was surrounded by eager students talking about God knows what. You are aimlessly glancing around trying to find a chance where your instructor could be alone. You slowly made your way closer to the group of seated students. You spotted Jungkook talking to Taehyung. They were also getting crowded by students. You watched how Jungkook walked over to the mats with one of the students and began to demonstrate something with his feet. Your guessing it’s his feet with how everyone is staring at his feet and he keeps looking down as he talks. You are admiring the way he moves his pretty lips as he talks when your vision of him is once again blocked by somebody. A boxy smile. A handsome smile. Taehyung.

You watch him walk over to you with a smile on his face as he waves a sheet of paper in his right hand.

“You need this” he states handing you the class syllabus.

“Yes. Thank you” you reach out for the paper. Your eyes skimmed through the paper making mental notes of the exam dates and random quizzes.

To your surprise you felt Taehyung still standing next to you. Feeling shy all of a sudden you focused more on the text.

“So… why boxing?” he suddenly asks with a gleam in his eye. He stared at you waiting for an answer.

“Why not?” you challenge him, “am I not boxing material?”

“I never said that” Taehyung defends himself, “just trying to make conversation to avoid having to…” he nudges back to where all the students are surrounding Jungkook.

You stop yourself from snorting, “I need it to graduate”

“Oh, you’re a senior?” he asks with interest.

“Yup, with a physical requirement I didn’t know I needed till the last minute”.

“So, this was the only option” Taehyung looks at you with pity understanding the lack of enthusiasm in your voice as you tell him your sad tale.

“It’ll be fun” he says with a smile” just look like you're trying and you’ll pass”.

You shrug and give him a smile. He was nice.

“Listen you don’t have to try hard and with everyone else you’ll be average. Trust me, this is my second year helping the beginner’s course. I’ve seen worse. A lot of freshmen who are over their heads”.

You laughed at that “It’s cute though, right?” you joked with him.

“Yeah, it’s cute, until they hurt themselves. All fired up kids,” Taehyung thought for a moment,

“actually it's embarrassed freshmen and then fired up second years that think they matured overnight or something”

You laughed at his analogy, remembering the cockiness that came from some of your classmates of sophomore year.

“You’re so right” you said, clapping your hands laughing.

Taehyung laughed along with you, “honestly though I wouldn’t mind going back. To be a bit naïve. Thinking of graduating makes me nervous”

“aww” you cooed at him reaching over to pat his arm.

Taehyung rolls his eyes, this time at you.

“What are your plans?” you ask him.

“Art Courier”

“Art” you ask surprise.

“Yea” he smiles, “I love it. I’m also volunteering at an art gallery downtown. Its local art, it’s nice”

“So why are you nervous?”

He looks at you, “Aren’t you?”

You shrugged, “I don’t know, I mean I got an internship out of town. I’m hoping to stay there for a short while. Then I want to come back to Kim Corp.”

He smiles at you, “Those are big plans”.

“Yeah… but yeah, I guess I’m nervous but like an exciting kind” you tilt your head, “like butterflies or dragonflies in my stomach”

“Dragon flies? that’s new” he chuckles, “mine are like crashing waves so sometimes it gets nauseating”, he pouts slightly thinking hard, “it’s exciting”. He sighs, “the truth is I’m applying for a master's and I just turned in my last application, so it’s this waiting period”.

“Ahhh, I see” you pat his shoulder once more giving him a smile, “good luck!”

Taehyung smiles back at you turning his full body to face you “thanks, you too”.

“Taehyung!”

Taehyung's name being called interrupted your mutual understanding of senior nervousness and friendship that was forming between the two of you. You lifted your head to the voice that interrupted such a sweet moment. Your eyes were ready to squint at the rude person, but they only softened upon finding the irritated face of Jungkook.

“Oops, got to go, seems like those fired up sophomores are getting to him” Taehyung whispers to you before he jogs up to a furrowed brow Jungkook who is still surrounded by eagerly waiting students. You wait for him to possibly shift his glance towards you. Readying a reassuring and “haha, yikes'' face to show him. However, he kept his gaze locked on Taehyung till he arrived at his side. You pout as you give up and stuff your syllabus into your bag.

Later that evening while the class was practicing a two step footwork you notice Jungkook teaching a student a few rows ahead of you. You watch carefully as he slowly makes his way down to your back corner. Is this your time? The moment in which you have him all alo-on-ne, to have a “private conversation" with him. You hoped. Jungkook was examining the student in front of you. You were next. You lowered your head focusing on your feet. You tried to remain calm even though the anticipation of talking to him was weighing down on you. You stole a quick glance at his feet, they were headed towards you. Here it goes.

“Hey Jungkook!”

Oh my gosh.

“Jungkook, Am I doing it right?”

You’ve got to be kidding me.

You lifted your head to see Jungkook making his way to the kid next to you. There Jungkook goes helping those eager hogging students that take any second with Jungkook away from you. Should you also feign ignorance to the movements in class? Even though you’re sure you probably really do need the extra attention. However, those kids just want to be praised by the “cool" Jungkook. You just want to talk to him.

The following weeks had no progress both with your boxing and with Jungkook. Thankfully your friendship with Taehyung grew as you both would be catching up with each other before classes. And you’re pretty sure you’ve seen Jungkook try to make his way over to you guys only to be stopped by some over achievers. You once asked Taehyung why he doesn’t teach the kids only for him to say he doesn’t need the experience unlike Jungkook who is majoring in Exercise Science (and a minor in art, which is where they meet and become friends). You only huffed in response and told him to give him a break. Taehyung just shrugged and went back on his phone. The talks with him were fine. Taehyung had good humor and amazing story telling skills, once in a while he would reveal subtle information about Jungkook. You would try to slyly ask him questions about Jungkook. You found yourself knowing a little about him every day.

One of the most amazing days though was when you were coming out of the bathroom after class and you overheard Taehyung’s unforgettable laugh and Jungkook’s -surprising- high pitched laughter. You walked slowly towards the divine laughter. You had to hide yourself behind a pillar when you saw them stop before an elevator.

“Those sophomores are so competitive! Hmmm… It reminds me of someone” Taehyung says jokingly, tapping his finger on his chin.

Jungkook shoves him playfully.

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding” Taehyung raises his hands in defeat before Jungkook could put him into a headlock. Their rough playing is stopped with the "ding" sound of the elevator doors.

The "ding" also reminds you of what you were doing: hiding behind a pillar like a loser and overheating these guys. At this point it was odd since you were actually friends with one of them. I mean you did have Taehyung’s number and he would occasionally text you to tell you when he (or Jungkook) would not be in class.

You slowly inched your foot, not trying to make noise. You were ready to leave but halted when you heard Jungkook’s voice as they headed inside the elevator.

“So, what did you and __ talk about this time?”

HUH

Did he?

“Oh, I told her about your obsession with banana milk”

“Taehyung!”

Is all you heard before the doors closed.

Okay… what was that about?

Did they talk about you?

Was this an ongoing thing? Taehyung never told you about Jungkook’s supposed obsession with banana milk (cute by the way). Does this mean anything?

You groan as you make your way back to your apartment. Your head was spinning Did he…or did he not? Or did Taehyung just tell him once about all your “interesting” conversations that

Jungkook just routinely started asking him about it?

Your heart thumped at all the possibilities.

Whatever the reason it seemed he had an okay opinion about you. Right? I mean the best outcome you can hope is to be his friend because from what you see in class, and what you’ve heard from Taehyung, Jungkook does seem like a cool and genuine guy. And you’re not doing him (or Taehyung) any justice by eavesdropping on their conversations and following them. At that moment you decided to stop your shy approach and borderline creepy behavior towards him. You were an adult for goodness sake not a love-struck teen. You were going to be more direct!

Your heart raced miles at your final decision.

The next couple of days you began your new resolution by approaching Jungkook first. Your conversations weren’t as complex nor were they as comfortable as with Taehyung. A light tension always seemed to linger as if you both had your own elephants roaming around the room. You ignored it as much as you could. You were grateful for when Taehyung was around to break the tension. This would lead to the three of you to develop a more easy-going conversation. You were just happy that you were able to learn things about Jungkook directly and not through a second source.

All this progress seemed to have gone down the drain one night when you were practicing a new defensive pose. Jungkook came up to you to slightly adjust your arms into the proper distance from your face and body. He smiles afterwards, urging you to feel the difference. You proudly do your complete pose and suppress a giggle when his smile widens. He’s so mesmerizing. Mino was out of the gymnasium, quickly running off saying he need to go to his office. So, you took this opportunity to have Jungkook all to yourself. You were less reserved around him now and were ready to break some more of the barriers between you two. It starts with you two laughing over Taehyung's obvious lie of pretending to be busy. He’s looking over some papers on the clipboard at the front of the matts. You wanted to see Jungkook laugh again as he jokingly comments on the students in front of Taehyung who are trying to get his attention.

“It’s all these fired up Sophomores” you began, hushing your voice as if telling him a secret.

“they’re so competitive and eager to please as if they are being paid to be here. All these little kids will soon face the real world and realize that no one cares”.

Jungkook nervously places his hand behind his neck, “Some of them have potential...”, he hesitantly mutters.

You snort, “potential or not. All little kids, sorry, sophomores are the same. They are all so overly passionate. I feel bad for them once they realize that there will always be someone better, prettier, and bigger than them out there. Haven’t we learned that by now?”.

You turn to Jungkook upon seeing his straight face. You must admit it wasn’t one of your best attempts of comadeire, but the way he was acting seemed like you offended his mother. You were about to apologize and voice your concern when Jungkook nervously laughs.

“Yeah, well…” He chuckles again defeatedly. “…there’s always someone better…”.

“Jungko-“

“I see you have all been working diligently as I was gone! Thank you! As a reward I think we should run a few laps around the gym”.

Jungkook skedaddles away at the voice of Mino. You’re left confused, pondering over your conversation. Can he not stand unfunny people? Were you really that bad? Did he find you to be some bitter old bully?

Once the class is over you jog up to Taehyung and Jungkook before they could get onto the elevators.

You wanted to make sure you were good with Jungkook. You knew you would be up all weekend trying to figure out what went wrong. You know it was something you said. Did he not like your joke? were you being a bit too mean? You didn’t mean it too much. It was just something Taehyung always joked about, so you thought it would be okay to do so as well. Making your way up to them you say the first thing that comes to your mind

“Hey, are you guys going to the Senior Party?” This senior party was for seniors only (unless you were a plus one) hosted by all the frats of school. They all come together to make a huge block party that is honestly favored upon by many and has everyone going.

“hmm not sure” Taehyung says, “Maybe, I’m kind of over frat parties”.

“Yeah…, but this IS the last Ho-rah”. Taehyung shrugs at your response.

“How about you?” you turn to face Jungkook making sure to make eye contact, afraid he’ll look away and avoid you as he has done for the rest of the class period.

Jungkook looks you straight on furrowing his eyebrows, “Why should I go?” he asks almost coldly.

“Oh” okay he hates me, you thought to yourself. “Well, I mean everyone usually goes”, you respond to him with a much more quitter voice now that all your confidence has disappeared.

“It’s only for seniors. I’m a Sophomore”.

Sophomore.

WHAT!?

Your mouth fell agape. And you only half registered Taehyung laughter as he smacks your back,

“____, didn’t you know Jungkook is a baby”.

You knew he was baby. You didn’t realize he was a baby.

Jungkook rolls his eyes at Taehyung's comment.

“I didn’t...I-I’ You stuttered “ Aren’t you in the advanced class and have all these achievements and- and”.

“Yeah” Jungkook sourly smirks “I guess I’m just like all those overly passionate kids”.

Taehyung laughs as if not catching the tone in Jungkook’s voice or the nervous energy you are sure that can be detected from miles away.

“He’s the king of the sophomores! Why do you think they are always crowding him like he’s their hero”.

“Right…” you look down on the floor. You didn’t offend his mother, you offended him. You’ve insulted him.

“Okay, well I’ll see you guys in the next class, Bye” you turn fast around and start speed walking home. You only faintly catch Taehyung’s boisterous “Bye!”.

This all makes sense, the students crowing him like he’s a king, him being insulted by your unfunny comment, Taehyung always picking on him. But the thing is that Taehyung CAN pick on him because they are friends, he’s teasing him. You are not friends with him. You have no right to talk to him or joke with him like that. Your stress levels rise because you never want to hurt someone, much less intentionally. He probably thinks you’re some big bully and know it all. Imagine what he has told Taehyung by now. What if you get shunned by both of them? This is so embarrassing, and you feel awful. You shouldn’t have run away. You should have confronted Jungkook and apologized to him. You should have cleared the air. But at that moment you were so confused and surprised your head was everywhere. Forget dating Jungkook he probably wouldn’t even want to be friends with you anymore.

All of your woes were heard by your three roommates on your living room floor. Picking at your blue fuzzy carpet you retold them everything. They first got mad at you for not telling them about these two good looking guys in your class and then they got even more mad at you for making a

lame joke that insulted Jungkook and then running away.

“You need to talk to him ___”

“You said: ‘Overly passionate sophomores, little kids’. Who even talks like that?”.

Taehyung does you want to point out but instead remain quiet as they continue their criticism and advice.

“Yeah, talk to him! Don’t even think about how you insulted the poor guy!”

“or how you said an odd and unfunny joke”

You never thought about dating young guys. You were always into the older type. You ask your friends about what you should do. They give you the advice you already knew inside your heart. Talk to him, apologize, and go for it.

You remembered that Jungkook is sporty and artsy. The Art building was your first stop. You don’t know his schedule and frankly you don’t want to know it. It would make you feel like a total creep if you knew it and purposely went looking for him. You didn’t want to repeat the ugly feeling you felt after the eavesdropping incident at the elevators. Instead you conceded with a coincidence. This was less guilty.

You entered the Student museum and browsed the artwork. You were so excited to see one of Taehyung’s art pieces hanging in display that you quickly took a photo of it and texted it to him. You momentarily forgot about what had happened. You hesitated to look at your phone after feeling its vibrations indicating Taehyung had replied. You quickly found the nearest restroom which wasn’t easy given you’ve never been inside this building. You entered a stall and opened the text. You were greeted with a “You should have told me you were going to be there I just left Campus” accompanied with two crying emojis. You felt a sigh of relief, as if you can breathe again. Taehyung is not mad at you. You replied with compliments and several hearts that Taehyung gleefully returned.

Your mornings were spent waiting in between classes in the student lounge, in the Art building, and walking laps around the Sport’s building and Gymnasium. You even peeked at the pool only to be flashed with multiple water polo swimmers climbing out of the pool. You blushed running away after making eye contact with the swimming coach. During the night when you had boxing, everything seemed like the beginning of the semester. You would talk with Taehyung as you always would but Jungkook…he was different. He would acknowledge you and would occasionally join you and Taehyung, but he wouldn’t be alone with you anymore. If he ever was he would just stay with you in silence. It would be such a peaceful quietness if you weren’t so confused and nervous on what his opinion of you was. You wanted to apologize to him, but he became much more competitive and almost aggressive during demonstrations. You felt this new form of intimidation towards him. Was he trying to send you a message? No, of course not. It was probably just finals. Most people were on edge during this time.

In the last month of the semester you coincidently found out (thanks to the students in class) that Jungkook has a drawing class 30 minutes after your last class on Friday. With this new information you made plans to sprint over to the Art building to meet Jungkook.

You were just walking down the hall of your building when you spotted… Jungkook?

Interesting.

Is this fate?

This is the time.

He stops next to a class door and leans against the wall, seemingly waiting for someone. You notice then his huge army backpack. For boxing class, he brings a big black duffle bag. This backpack caught you for surprise. You stopped in your tracks staring at the backpack because you’ve seen it before. Plenty of times. In the library, the parking lot, the convenience store in front of the east campus. You’ve sometimes seen it by just passing by. The bag was so big and almost ridiculous that you’re sure most of the student body knows of it. To think that the bag belonged to Jungkook. You’ve never bothered to look at the owner and when you did, they were either far away, at an angle in which you can’t see them, or they had a bucket hat or hoodie over their face. All this time it was Jungkook. To think if you’ve looked or spoken to the person you would have known Jungkook way sooner. All this wasted time.

Is this the coincidence you were dreaming of? Does any of it mean anything? At this point you don’t care. You’re going to talk to Jungkook! Whatever opportunity that is presented to you, you are going to take. You’re almost close to Jungkook, who doesn’t notice you as he’s immersed on his phone, when the classroom door opens with pouring students. You're slightly worried he’s going to leave as the students start obscuring your clear view of him. However, what you don’t miss is the way a pretty girl stops in front of him. He looks up to her and smiles shyly. You can’t really see her face at this angle. You only notice the way Jungkook takes her books from her and follows behind her as she walks to the opposite direction from you.

You felt like you were in a movie. You know the type when the main character is standing in one place and all around her there’s blurs of people moving about. The screen is colored gray and there's sad music playing as you're left there in a daze.

O-kay.

So.

Jungkook has a …he has a… (you can’t’ say it).

Jungkook is-what?

Dating? Has a girl? Not available? Hmmm, maybe he’s not interested in you.

Walking back to your apartment so many questions and conclusions flow around in your head.

Did you ever stop and think he maybe just wasn’t into you? Like what if he just didn’t like you? And not in a bad way. He just doesn’t want to pursue a romantic relationship with you. And here you were thinking he was lucky you were even considering a younger guy like him. Please. Who do you think you are? You’ve acted so arrogant and bitter around him you’re surprised someone as sweet as Taehyung and Jungkook even talks to you.

Reaching your apartment and heading straight to the shower, because the shower is where you make all your final resolutions and get all your ideas, you’ve come to the resolution that you need to stop moping around in class. Second, you like Jungkook, like-like. Third, you are heart broken. And lastly, maybe it’s just not meant to be.

Sometimes things can be blessings in disguises.

You cried in the shower.

Your beautiful roommates were once again there to support you! They even surprised you that weekend by having a little party amongst you and your closest friends. Irene, Maria, Seokjin, Yoongi, and even Mr. Busy Chef Seokjin came along. It was fun and you got drunk. You are going to be okay. You are going to forget Jungkook. It’s the end of the semester anyway and you are leaving town after graduation. It’s for the best.

Right?

Wrong.

Wrong on all parts. You very much like Jungkook. It was confirmed the next time you went to boxing class when your heart didn’t stop thumping. And wrong because you aren’t going to let it go. You felt ridiculous and pretty whore-ish when you still found yourself smiling at him (and did you coyly laugh at his joke just now?) even after knowing he has a girlfriend/ partner/dating/something. (A voice in your head was whispering into your heart that nothing is confirmed yet).

“Jungkook”, you called out his name after the announcements in class. You ran to him and staked your claim on him before anyone else can take him away from you, “Jungkook, can you help me with the exercise from last class, please?”.

He agreed. You walked behind him as he was already heading to your claimed corner. You noticed the disappointed faces of some of your classmates. Taehyung also had a confused face on as he was heading your way for you two to possibly gossip at your corner.

Jungkook helped you with your placements and speed. It was honestly helpful even if you did laugh a bit too loudly or moved in a way you hoped was sensual. At one point you ran out of things to hold him back with, so you must admit defeat and let him go. You smiled at him wildly as he moved to the next student. It was the last month, it wasn’t going to lead anywhere anyways. Which is why you’re trying your best. You were going to see him, talk to him, simply be by him because you’re probably never going to see him again after this.

You connect eyes with Taehyung as he’s walking directly to you. You both held a staring contest till he reached your side. He squints at you. You made a face of a “what”.

He coughed, “So…uhh…you like Jungkook or...?”

You choked on your spit. Were you that obvious?

“Huh? No. What? N-why?”

Taehyung looks at you, “ No reason, just asking.”

He slowly inches away clearly trying to make you less nervous. So, you force your body to relax and just laugh at his antics.

The rest of the class period Taehyung kept sending you looks or raising his eyebrows. You were nervous but soon started to become defensive. You would occasionally mouth “What” at him. Until at the end of class, he finally walked up behind you and whispered “Jungkook”. You jumped back in surprise at his deep voice and most importantly at the name of the owner of your heart.

“Taehyung!” you yelled at him. He laughed, only to stop when Jungkook joins you two. You blushed again and started rubbing your arm afraid Taehyung would tease you again. You all went to gather your things and headed towards the exit to leave class. Taehyung taps your arm to grab your attention. He made the motion of sealing and locking his lips, making it even more noticeable! Your eyes averted to Jungkook only to feel a wave of relief at seeing him typing away at his phone. Thank God.

You give him a face. He chuckles at you.

“Bye__” he said walking away. You rolled your eyes.

“Bye __” Jungkook said with his sweet melodic voice. You smiled at him.

It was the night of the Senior Party and you were ready to forget all about the cute guy in your boxing class. No, not Taehyung but Jungkook. Since you found out about his girlfriend you’ve tried hard to rewire your brain to think of him only as a friend. It was easy because he was such a gentle person. He was kind and funny and so very ambitious. You’ve grown to admire him in many ways. You were happy at where your relationship was (even though you would still like to be involved with him…*cough*romantically….). You weren’t going to be no homewrecker even if it pains your heart to see him smile or see him ruffle his bouncy hair.

Who are you kidding? You are in love with him.

However tonight you are going to forget about him. Tonight was about finally graduating and having a fun night with your friends. You, your roommates and other friends all meet up at a local restaurant before the party. It was fun there stuffing your faces and emptying your glasses, you almost forgot about the party. So, before the buzz faded away you all slipped into an uber off to the streets of the Frats and Sororities that are hosting the party. You were sad that Taehyung wasn’t going to be there. You wanted to introduce him to your friends. A few months ago, he told you he wasn’t going to go and instead booked a trip up North to go camping with his friends Namjoon, Jimin, and Hoseok. Friends who were equally as handsome you thought to yourself last night as you scrolled through his Instagram feed and viewed his story. You should’ve accepted his invite when he jokingly asked you to tag along. Maybe then you would move on from…him.

With your short skirts, dresses and skinny jeans you all swayed into the blockparty-eque event. The music was loud and there were so many people dancing and running around.

“This is practically a carnival, we're only missing the rides” Sohee shouts over the music.

“Lets just go to the main house” you yell back at them.

You all walk the short distance to the largest house in the block, the main source of the party where the DJ, drinks and food is located. Inside the house was empty of furniture leaving every room as a makeshift dance platform.

“This looks complicated!” Sohee complains furrowing her eyebrows “Where do we even begin”

“Lets just look around!” Taeyeon excitedly states turning her head around. You were prepared to see her make a 360 turn. She was Minah's friend who you were surprised to see come to the party. She was a Junior and it wasn’t until the girls told you that night that plus ones were allowed regardless of their year so long as they are students at the University. If you would’ve known you would have “jokingly” invited Jungkook.

After scoping out the house, your group ended up stealing a bag of chips and red cups of lemon soda and vodka. You decided to go to the house next door which belonged to a sorority. (“Maybe they’ll have better drinks” Minah complained).

Entering the house was like a new world, the lights were off and the music was not blaring. It seemed more chill. You walked deeper into the house that had a great atmosphere. Upon entering the kitchen you see the island decked out in different snacks and even mini cupcakes. There is flavored beers and a variety of vodkas, tequilas, juices, and soda. You’ve all shared glances with smiles in your faces. This is your place. You've all grabbed your drinks and you managed to fit two mini cupcakes in your hands before you made your way into the main living room, which like the frat house, was bare of any furnishing. Leaning against the wall with Minah who grabbed cotton candy you sipped on your drinks as you watched the others invade the dance floor.

“You think this was supposed to be a private party?” She asks cutting off a chunk of her cotton candy to feed you.

You thought for a second letting the candy melt in your mouth.

“No,” you told her, meeting her eye. You both laughed. “It would be really stupid if it was, I mean it is the Senior Party thing”.

“Yeah but what if it is and they kick us out”.

You shrugged “Whatever were gone in two weeks anyways. Besides it's on them for hosting it on the same night”.

“I don’t know” Minah continued out with her cotton candy slipping her drink in between each bite. You weren’t sure if she was drunk and just saying something or was actually concerned. You peered your eyes on her face as if to see her better. She was zoned out.

Rolling your eyes you start to look around trying to see your dancing group of friends to join them. You were done with your cupcakes and were ready to drag yourself to them. You thought you saw the Blue sparkle of Tara’s dress. You focused more on the spot only to see these blue sparkles wearing Tara seeming to be dancing or should I say “hugging” someone.

"Oh my gosh, ! LOOK LOOK!” you said slapping Minahs arm.

“What?", she said, trying to catch what you're looking at.

“Tara! She's got herself-“ Your words died in your mouth. For as your eyes traced along this person dress they were meant with a head that did not belong to Tara. First, poor Tara who has the same dress as someone in this room. Second, this person is none other then that girl that Jungkook was with. Your mouth was stood agape for even if your heart broken at the reminder of that girl and the fact that Jungkook was not yours. Your heartbreak and slight jealousy was soon replaced with confusion and then anger. Isn’t this Jungkook's girlfriend? What is she doing grinding on someone who is not Jungkook? No, this guy was not him because you know this guy! He's the famous school pianist whose faces are plastered all over the music building and concert highlights. Min Yoongi. What is she doing? So because Yoongi is a school celeb she's just going to do Jungkook wrong like that. Pretty Jungkook, who smiled at her with a hopeful look in his eyes and carried her books around like some servant. Is your poor baby being played? How dare she? Does she not realize how blessed she is?

“Minah”, you hand her your drink, “wait here”.

You don’t bother for her response and only hear a “what?”

You don’t have time to fill her in about this snake because your adrenaline is pumping in. Maybe it's the alcohol or maybe it's your devotion towards Jungkook. All in the name of love. And if you're not going to be kicked out because it's a private party, you'll probably be kicked out for fighting. You didn’t take boxing for nothing.

Okay…

Maybe not. You're not sure what you're doing and even though you're angry and feel like you need to regain Jungkook's honor, you do have the same part of your brain working and yelling at you to turn back. What the hell do you think you are doing? And who the hell do you even think you are?

You could be on your way to making a complete fool of yourself. But no, you will do anything for Jungkook. Even if it turns out this person is Jungkook's girlfriend's twin and you reveal yourself to be a complete stalker and weirdo.

Your steps seem to move slowly and your skin burning hot from your anger now turns to anxiety. But it was like you couldn’t stop as you neared yourself to her. If you couldn’t confess to Jungkook this was an alternative outlet. By protecting his dignity.

Gosh, is it hot or are you just sweating?

And like a miracle sent from heaven you felt a cold hand wrap itself around your arm halting you in your steps. You tuned your head to see… JUNGKOOK?

“___” he says almost relieved.

You're confused and agaped. You're so caught off guard that you don’t manage to hide your opening mouth.

“Hey” he says softly, almost whispering. He quickly removes his hand around your arm.

His voice brings you back to reality. He always grounds you and neutralizes the nerves in your body. All by being near Jungkook's smiling face.

His smiling face that will soon turn bad. Your stress increases. Your eyes jump from his face to his girlfriend who is still dancing on Yoongi. Jungkook follows your eyes as he notices the stress evident on your face. What's wrong? Jungkook slightly steps in front of you as if to shield you from whatever your eyes keep returning to.

You reach out your hand trying to stop Jungkook from seeing the scene of his girlfriend dancing with another guy, but it's too late. Jungkook is staring ahead for a couple seconds.

Jungkook looks around trying to see what is catching your attention. He catches the sight of his cousin dancing on some guy. Putting a childish face on when she turns her head over to make out with him. Jungkook turns back to you with concern on his face at your still evident distress.

You watch as Jungkook quickly turns around. You see his concerned eyes and frowned lips. No, not to Jungkook. This won't happen to him, you wont allow it. Regaining your energy to confront this snake you move closer to him

“I’m sorry”

“So you want a drink?”

Is he trying to change the subject? Maybe they just broke up and you just reopened his wound.

You give him a smile of sympathy and pull him in for a hug. Yes, you were being forward but you are proud to admit that you didn’t hug him with any malicious or secretive motive. You just care for him so much that you want him to always be happy. You don’t know what happened between him and his girlfriend but you want him to know that he has you. That it is okay.

Jungkook stills in your embrace. You hug him tighter and are happy to finally feel him relax into your hug wrapping his arms around your lower body.

Jungkook is surprised and perhaps dreaming. When you jumped into his embrace he almost didn't know what he did to earn this. Your perfume was swaying in his brain until he saw the teasing expression on his cousin's face.

She winked at him, which caused his cheeks to heat up. So he quickly pulls away from you and coughs.

“So uhh, no drink?” he asks once more unsure of what to say.

You saw his blushing face, maybe you did too much but you couldn’t stop yourself from continuing when you heard a loud laugh at your side. You turn and sure enough see her laughing with the guy.

You step closer to Jungkook so you could whisper slowly to him, "Did you guys break up?”

Jungkook tilts his head in confusion but before he can continue you stop him.

“Its okay you don’t have to tell me, I’m sorry”

“__what are you sorry for?”

You nod your head towards her who continues to dance with the “other man”.

Jungkook squints his eyes at you after having looked in the direction that you head nodded towards. You see the confusion settle onto his face, waiting for you to continue whatever observation you are trying to make.

You decided to end his misery, 'He's obviously too embarrassed to admit it' you thought to yourself.

"I saw you guys together...", you say, trying your best to say the rest with your eyes. You watch as the realization hits his face. His lips formed a tiny 'oh', only to let out an "ah" followed by a short chuckle.

Following his amused response you felt embarrassed. Maybe you stepped out of line and he's going to thank you for rubbing salt into his wounds.

"Sorry" you blurt out trying to save what's left of the respect Jungkook has for you. " I should've stayed quiet..".

At this Jungkook laughs loudly only ending it with a...a coo? He leans closer to your ear so you can hear him clearly.

"Follow me"

You don't got to be told twice.

You follow him through the throngs of people, pass the kitchen, through the back door. You almost tumbled out the door but was captured by the cold air hitting your skin. You rub your arms weary of letting Jungkook see because you didn't want him to reconsider the whole idea and go back inside. You wanted to be alone with him out here. it was nice. You followed him to the bench that rocked back and forth. It was gray with a top cover. He sat on it waiting for you to join him as he tried his best to stabilize the bench by planting his feet to the ground. You gave him a small 'thanks' as you settled yourself next to him. You made sure to keep enough space between the two as to not make him uncomfortable.

Jungkook felt his heart beat in his chest a contrast to the cool night that was at a standstill compared to the house and loud music not only a few feet away. He was grateful for the noise and lights that came from the house and fencing of the backyard, as it gave his shaky breath a cover from being heard by you. He sneaked a glance at you and saw as you sat seated next to him. You followed him out here into the cold. He noticed as you rubbed your hands on your arms. At this point Jungkook knows what comes next. He should offer you his jacket, but he wasn't wearing anything. He opted for a button down, he had no reason for any other fabric. He thought he would spend most of the night in a packed house or street with so much body heat. He felt like a kid scared to look at their crush. He didn't know what to do from this point on. Having a surge of confidence at the probability that you cared for him. If you being concerned about his alleged heartbreak was anything to go by. Jungkook wants to hold onto the care you had for him no matter how small it was. He knew you were a senior who was set to go out of town. His dreams of being with you seemed like a lost hope by now. At this point he just wanted to stay by your side, just to talk, even if just for a day.

One thing Jungkook became sure of as you both stared silently at the moon was that this right here was more than he could have ever wished for.

You were the one to break the silence.

You figured you should clear the air after your assumptions.

"So how are you holding out?"

Jungkook was about to give you a generic answer until he remembered what happened inside.

"I feel perfect" he answered honestly

You give him a confused look.

Man, you thought for sure Jungkook would be heartbroken, now you're thinking of the possibility that he left her.

Jungkook suppressed his giggles and decided to come clean to you. To tell you the truth. That's all he wants for the both of you.

"You know you can come to the senior bash if you're invited by a senior"

You nod not sure where this is going.

"I asked my cousin to let me go with her" Your eyes widened

Cousin?

"I was going to go with Taehyung but he had other plans. My cousin said yes...with the condition that I become her "assistant", Jungkook makes air quotations at the word. You smiled at the playful annoyance. "So I helped her with her courses, and followed her around everywhere. Honestly". He leans in closer pointing at the colorful lights that adorned the roof of the house. "You see those lights? I hung them up all yesterday and when you go inside that dessert table was recently bought from Ikea, I had to set it up". He slumps his shoulders.

"So was it worth it?" you ask not helping the giggles that escape your mouth at his behavior.

Jungkook turns to face you. The first time you both make eye contact since reaching the bench.

"Yeah" he says softly, "I'll say it was worth it".

You avert your eyes and turn your face. A struggle but your fear of letting him see the absolute shyness you knew ozed out won over. You needed to protect yourself and most importantly him. You didn't want to scare him or offend him anymore then you already have.

Not wanting to lose the momentum of the conversation, Jungkook spurts out the first thing in his mind.

"So where are you going after you graduate?"

For some reason you didn't want to answer. It would make it way more real. The fact that you wouldn't see him anymore and that hurt. At that moment with the distant music that pouned throughout the earth, with the laughter you hear from inside the house, the light of the moon and lights from the house, the coldness that you feel around your arms and neck become fuel for you. If this was going to be your last moment with him then you should make the best out of it. Maybe even let yourself become vulnerable in every sense of the word. If just for one day, you wanted to be completely honest and open with Jungkook.

"I got an internship two hours away" you say looking at the ground, "I'll be kind of far, but maybe not so much" you don't know what you're saying, mostly just trying to convince yourself. You looked at him and are willing to say he looked almost sad. You don't know why he looks down now. You just know it made you feel worse. You want your time with him to be happy and fun. Even if it hurts later. You don't know why hes sad and you may make yourslef look completely stupid but in this moment you wieghed your options. If he answers positively you can leave with hope. If it's negative...well...at least you won't have to see him again. That thought makes you frown and scares you. It scares you so much that you couldn't even stop yourself from asking the next question if you tired.

"Do you want to wait for me?"

You both look surprised at your question.

Jungkook remains silent, so you repeat the question already feeling the adrenaline rush from your confession.

"Jungkook, do you want to wait for me?" You ask him again with hopeful eyes.

"Ar-are you pr-proposing?" He was so in shock he didn't have time to register his childhood stutter to make an appearance.

Normally you would have been frozen out of embarrassment and shock. Truthfully, you were bewildered at your actions. But it must be the power of the moon that shines above you both. Or maybe it's the alarm in your heart telling you this may be your only chance. You take a breath and give jungkook a soft smile. One that said 'yes I like you and it's okay if you don't'. You watch as he takes a moment to gather himself.

Hmm.. maybe you should have been more clear on your love confession. You were about to open your mouth to explain when he turned his body to face you. He reaches out for your hand to hold it in between his two large ones. You watch as your hands disappear inside of his.

Okay, maybe you were freaking out a little bit.

The warmth from his hands begins to travel from your arm to all of your body. Your heart beating fast against your chest as you decided to finally look him in the eye.

"Why wait?" Jungkook says.

FIN

[beca-mitchell]

if you wanted to, girl, we could cross that line (1/1)

Summary: Aren't you supposed to book the wedding venue after proposing? Word count: 3,316 words Author’s Notes: I’ve been thinking about recent discussion re: Chloe and Beca's relationship. Specifically how Chloe hates it when people think Beca is some uncaring/apathetic person. Or that Beca is aloof and distant in their romantic relationship. I had some ideas about that, but then it kind of spiralled into this which I don't even know if it addresses any of that discourse at all. But. Anyway. I've been binging Friends, so yes, this is totally inspired by Season 6, episode 22 (and a little of episode 23) of Friends. Fic title from Lauv's "Feelings".

Read below or on AO3.

* * * * *

“Aubrey this place is beautiful,” Chloe gasps, looking around the high ceilings and well-decorated walls of the country club lounge. “You’re really thinking about moving The Lodge to California?”

Aubrey flips through the brochure, nodding along to Chloe’s words. “It seems like a natural choice. Would be nice to expand out here. Lots of companies need their morale boosted.”

Chloe nudges Aubrey. “I’m happy for you, you know? You’ve done so much in the past few years.”

“Chloe,” Aubrey sighs. “Thank you.”

“And I’m so glad you didn’t move to Mykonos and become a doula.”

Aubrey frowns. “I don’t remember saying that.” She flips to the next page of her brochure. “Oh! Chloe, look! They host weddings here!”

Chloe shifts to lean over Aubrey’s shoulder to examine the glossy pages. “Oh wow, I’m sure they must be beautiful here. Expensive too. Oh!” Chloe points to the next page. “They can even host guests overnight.”

“Perfect for corporate retreats,” Aubrey muses.

“Or weddings,” Chloe says, tugging Aubrey’s arm along. “Just think about it. A beautiful day...a little bit of a breeze." Chloe sighs, somewhat wistfully, lost in her own world for a moment. "You’d look beautiful in the dress I have picked out for you.”

“Oh is this your wedding we’re talking about?”

To Aubrey’s immense surprise, Chloe glances away, clearly embarrassed. “I mean. It could be anybody’s wedding. I was just. Throwing it out there. You know.”

“Were you picturing yourself in the wedding dress?”

Again, hesitation from Chloe. “...Maybe.”

Aubrey moves so she’s standing in front of Chloe. “Hey, what’s this all about?”

“What are you talking about?”

“You,” Aubrey gestures with a stern tone. “Getting all weird and shy about weddings of all things.”

It wasn’t that Chloe was fanatic about weddings, it was more that Aubrey knew Chloe was a complete romantic. And passionate about literally everything, on top of that. Plus, Aubrey, in her capacity as Chloe’s de facto best friend, knew just how much Chloe wanted a fairytale wedding. It was something that some people grew out of—Aubrey would know, being all about practicality—but it was also something that followed people and nestled within their hopes and dreams like a permanent reminder of what optimism and sunshine could bring.

Chloe is the embodiment of both of those things and Aubrey is fortunate enough to have experienced such a person in her lifetime.

“Oh, I don’t know,” Chloe begins, going for nonchalance which Aubrey disregards completely. “I just. I—I’ve been dating Beca for a year and a half. And then soon it’s going to be two years. And then...more.”

“That’s how time works, usually.”

Chloe glares at her. “It’s just. Beca isn’t...I don’t think she wants to get married.”

“Has she said that to you?” Aubrey demands, surprised that even Beca of all people would have so little tact to say that to Chloe specifically. Chloe who has had her wedding planned since she was in second grade. Chloe, who would go to the ends of the earth for Beca Mitchell’s smug, talented ass.

“No! No, God, Beca is amazing. And she—” Chloe sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose. “I know what you’re thinking and it’s what everybody thinks. Beca isn’t like that, okay? She loves me and she’s in love with me. There’s no doubt about it.” Aubrey shoots her a skeptical look. “You’re so unfair,” Chloe complains, upon seeing Aubrey’s expression. “She’s an amazing girlfriend. Honestly. Everybody thinks that she’s this distant, emotionless little...” Chloe makes a noise of frustration. “Well, she’s not. She’s passionate and beautiful and so so good at that thing she—”

“Chloe!”

Chloe blushes. “Sorry. But it’s not that. I promise.”

“Then where did...all this come from?”

“Well, I just don’t want to...freak her out.”

“Freak her out,” Aubrey echoes, contemplating the word choice and wondering whether she really does need to talk to Beca about her lack of decorum. “Has she said that to you?” she demands again.

“No!”

“Then—?”

“I just. I know I can be a lot, okay? I know that I want things too much sometimes. And that I can get loud and crazy about things. But I want to…” Chloe glances around. “I want to spend the rest of my life with Beca and I don’t want anything to mess that up.”

“Why would you two getting married mess that up?”

“Um? Hello? Has she not complained about her parents before?”

Aubrey can concede to that. “Once or twice. But I mean...we’re not all defined by our parents’ mistakes.” Chloe shoots her a look. “Okay, you know what? This isn’t about me.”

Chloe giggles, relenting. She kicks her toe against the ground, following the movement with her eyes. “I just know that Beca isn’t thinking about getting married. We just moved in together.”

“Like two months ago,” Aubrey mutters.

“More like four months ago!”

“Oh, but who’s counting?”

Chloe flashes a quick smile. “Yeah, it’s been four months hasn’t it?” She softens. “I love living with Beca. And I love L.A.! Oh—and of course I love that you’re going to be moving here.” She pulls Aubrey in for a quick hug, right in the middle of the hall. “It’s just...everything is coming together. I love my life just the way it is.”

“Chloe—”

It is that moment that a couple decides to make their way through the hall, led by a man holding a clipboard. He appears to be listing off amenities and accommodations.

“—host many weddings a year, especially during June. You are very lucky to get on the waiting list.”

Chloe, never one to really acknowledge social customs, somehow manages to insert herself into the conversation midway. “Is there a long list?” she asks conversationally, a hint of amusement in her tone. She tugs Aubrey along despite Aubrey’s attempts to mind her own business.

The wedding planner scrutinizes their intertwined hands. “Are you two ladies looking to have a wedding?”

Chloe tilts her head before turning to look at Aubrey with a glint in her eyes. “And if we are?”

“Chloe!” Aubrey hisses.

“Well, the wait list is about two years long, so you’ll have to get in line.”

* * * * *

“What was that about loving your life the way it was?”

“It wasn’t serious. I just won’t ever contact them again.”

“Yes, putting yours and Beca’s names down for a wedding venue wasn’t serious.”

“Think of it as a way to drum up some press for when you host corporate retreats there.”

“How does this help me? This absolutely in no way helps me at all.”

* * * * *

Chloe forgets about her little relapse until two weeks later. She and Beca decide to go for a nice dinner at the country club—a place where Beca can maintain some anonymity while they engage in things that Beca would prefer prying eyes to keep away from.

Namely kissing.

“You haven’t touched your dinner,” Chloe murmurs. She smiles as she catches Beca’s next kiss head-on, tilting her head ever so slightly to elicit the quietest of whimpers from Beca’s throat.

“You haven’t touched yours.”

Chloe tenses her fingers, splayed on Beca’s thigh. “Maybe I’m more interested in my dessert.”

Beca blushes immediately and clears her throat, drawing back to take in Chloe’s swollen lips and playful smile. “I’m so happy that you’re mine,” Beca drawls, reaching up to cup Chloe’s cheeks. “But you have to stop saying shit like that in public.”

“Why do I have to stop saying shit like that in public?” Chloe asks innocently, letting her lips and tongue emphasize the word shit while her hand glides further up Beca’s thigh.

Beca’s eyes darken further. She hums, leaning in to capture Chloe’s lips in another kiss. “You don’t play fair,” she complains when Chloe finally draws back and refocuses on her plate of untouched food.

“But you just get so cute and flustered,” Chloe points out. “How can I resist?”

Later, as they are leaving, Chloe barely has time to recall just why she recognizes the man walking towards them before he is greeting them both.

“Hi, Chloe, right? I just left a message on your phone earlier this evening. I didn’t expect to run into you here.”

Chloe opens her mouth, recognition dawning. “Oh it’s—”

“Hi,” Beca cuts in. “What message?” she asks curiously.

“It’s nothing,” Chloe says quickly, an unpleasant heat spreading quickly through her body. “I’ll check later,” she says politely.

“Of course! It wasn’t anything serious. Just letting you know that your position on the wedding venue waitlist got bumped up because we had a few cancellations in the past two weeks. We’re looking at much sooner than two years. Probably within the next year if you want to remain on the list.”

“The what?” Beca demands. “Chloe, the—” Beca looks like her eyes might pop right out of her head. “Chloe,” she hisses, following as Chloe quickly mutters a thank-you and tugs Beca’s wrist along until they reach Chloe’s car. “What the fu—”

“Don’t curse,” Chloe whispers.

Beca presses her lips into a thin line. “Well, what do you want me to do?”

“I don’t know. Are you mad?”

“I’m just confused,” Beca murmurs, sliding into the passenger seat. “Are we getting married?”

“No!” Chloe exclaims quickly. “No, of course not—”

“Of course not?” Beca echoes. “What—”

“No, that’s not what I meant. I just—it was just a dumb thing. Can we…” Chloe rests her hand on the steering wheel. “Can we talk about it when we get home?”

Beca stares out the window for a few long moments while Chloe pulls out on the main road. “Okay,” she finally agrees. “Okay, we’ll talk when we get home.”

The drive home itself is the longest and shortest of Chloe’s life. She shifts uncomfortably more than once, resisting the urge to look over at her girlfriend every two minutes. Scratch that. Every two seconds. She can’t believe that she forgot. That she wasn’t more careful. That a brief, silly moment with her best friend resulted in this. Whatever this is between herself and Beca right now.

It’s the last thing she wants, to have potentially messed something up in their life together.

When Chloe pulls into the private parking lot for their apartment complex, Chloe finds that she doesn’t want to leave the quiet of the car.

“Chlo,” Beca urges softly. “Let’s go inside.”

“I just wanted to see what it was like,” Chloe blurts, too stricken to restrain herself any longer. “I’m sorry.”

Beca reaches out to hold her hand across the console like Chloe wishes she had done during the drive home. The comforting feeling of Beca’s hand in her own makes Chloe look up, finally meeting Beca’s eyes for the first time since leaving the country club.

“Let’s just go inside,” Beca repeats, squeezing her hand.

Chloe hates that she feels too frazzled to correctly read Beca’s expression. She can’t figure out just what Beca is feeling or thinking and she hates that. She hates not knowing the one person she feels like she knows better than any other person on Earth.

“So...like.” Beca exhales, taking the keys from Chloe’s hands and placing them in their little shared bowl. “What did you mean? You just wanted to see what it was like? How do you just see what it’s like to reserve a wedding venue?”

Chloe bites her lip, still afraid to meet Beca’s eyes. She focuses instead on the flowery B&C engraving on their key bowl. It warms her. Comforts her. “I mean...it’s not really a wedding venue. It’s just a country club,” she points out evasively.

Beca snorts. “Where weddings are sometimes hosted.”

“Well. Yeah.”

“And you specifically put your name down—our names down—for a wedding. Sometime in the future.”

Chloe groans at that, covering her face with her hands. “Aubrey pressured me into it,” she lies, wondering if Beca will believe that.

Beca stifles a smile, instead choosing to step closer to Chloe in order to pry her hands from her face. “I bet she did.”

“You’re freaking out,” Chloe mumbles from behind her hands, though she does part two fingers in order to peer at Beca. “You’re freaking out, aren’t you?”

“I mean...I was,” Beca admits. “That was kind of…” Beca ponders her word choice. “Sudden,” she finally says with a delicate tone.

Chloe sighs. “I know it freaks you out when I do...stuff like that.”

At that, Beca frowns. “Do stuff like what?”

“I don’t know. Think about the future. Talk about this kind of stuff.”

Beca’s heart seizes for the briefest of moments. “I don’t want you to think that I’m not…” she swallows. “That I’m not, like, into that. Because I am.” She reaches for Chloe’s hands, pulling gently. “With you.” She bites her lower lip. “I hadn’t thought about it much before you, but it—” Beca laughs, a little breathlessly. “It drives me crazy that we haven’t talked about it, you know?”

“I just thought you weren’t…” Chloe shrugs, though her heart pounds at all of the words Beca has just thrown at her. “That it wasn’t something you wanted.”

“That was before you,” Beca reiterates.

Chloe feels a flush rising up her neck and spreading into her cheeks rapidly. “Beca…”

Beca, to her credit, does not flinch nor shy away. Chloe has been privileged enough to get to know this side of Beca over the past year and a half and especially over the past four months of living together. She is smitten and completely head-over-heels for Beca Mitchell and she doesn’t care if anybody knows that. That being said, she completely understands that Beca might not necessarily be the same, at least in terms of expressing herself outwardly (“Love languages are a thing, Beca!”) but she has never doubted that Beca cares for her. Loves her, even.

Beca is in love with her.

The thought only makes her blush again and offer a shy, demure smile at Beca who merely looks perplexed at the sudden change in mood. “What?” Beca asks quickly. “What is it? What did I say?”

“Nothing,” Chloe chimes in, shifting so that she can wrap an arm around Beca’s shoulders. “Well, not nothing. For you, that was basically a public and cheesy romantic gesture. Like declaration-on-a-billboard level.”

Beca scrunches her nose. “What was?”

Chloe pecks her quickly, enjoying how squirmy Beca is becoming in her arms. “You saying that you think about the future with me.”

“I don’t know if I said it exactly like that.”

“A little like that,” Chloe pushes. She leans in to kiss Beca slowly, letting her breath linger against Beca’s mouth. “A little bit,” she murmurs when she feels Beca take a breath, likely to protest again.

“Okay, maybe I did.”

Chloe relaxes completely, wondering how she got so lucky to fall in love with her perfect match; how she got so lucky to find her soulmate in a world full of people who refused to believe in love like she did. That was a relatively painless conversation, resulting in some unexpected results. Namely that Chloe had been the only one standing in the way of this much-needed conversation, but also that Beca Mitchell wanted to marry her.

The thought only makes Chloe deepen her kiss, eliciting a noise of surprise from Beca. They kiss for a few more moments, hands beginning to wander more boldly and surely as their kisses deepen with each passing second. Beca groans when Chloe’s hands slip under the front of her shirt, fingers scraping up her stomach with purpose.

“Are we still talking about this?” Beca asks, snagging Chloe’s lower lip between her teeth.

Chloe hums, tilting her head to capture Beca’s lips in another kiss. “That can wait.”

“I mean,” Beca begins breathlessly, allowing Chloe to steer her towards the bedroom. “You are next on the waitlist.”

Chloe is already unbuttoning her jeans. “You talk way too much. Shut up, now. I want you.”

* * * * *

Another two weeks later and Chloe has all but forgotten about that wedding venue mishap, too caught up in the motions of her own hectic life and just how good her relationship with Beca has become. She hadn’t thought it possible, but she falls more for Beca every day.

“I can’t believe my girlfriend is ditching me to hang out with my best friend,” Chloe pouts. “This is so unfair. My two favorite people.”

“You could come,” Beca laughs.

“No, you know I have a long shift today.” Chloe sighs. “I’ll miss you. Say hi to Aubrey for me. I know she’s been busy setting up work stuff. Ask her if she needs our help.”

“I will ask her if she needs your help,” Beca says obediently.

“Our help,” Chloe corrects, leaning down to kiss Beca on the lips. “See you!”

Chloe heads out the door, without much thought as to the rest of her day.

Beca waits until she hears complete silence, then she waits for another few minutes estimating how long it would take Chloe to get into her car and drive.

Beca she’s gone, hurry up and get over here

Aubrey Rude. On my way.

Beca rushes to get ready in preparation for her day with Aubrey.

“What did you think of the place?” Aubrey asks when Beca climbs into the car. “Did you like the photos?”

“Yeah, but I kind of want to see it for myself. In person.”

Aubrey scoffs. “Chloe has amazing taste and so do I. We would never lead you astray.”

Beca rolls her eyes. “Forgive me for wanting to see the place where I want to get married myself.”

“Beca, you don’t exactly strike me as the kind of person—”

Beca resists the urge to completely snap at Aubrey or say something snarky to cut off the other woman. She fiddles with the small box inside her jacket pocket before she pulls it out, running her fingers along the velvet surface. She smiles at the thought of Chloe’s expression—what her imagination provides at least—and suddenly she can’t quite wait another moment. She wants to marry Chloe immediately. She wants everything that she always thought she’d hate because of her parents’ own failed marriage. She wants that life and that future with Chloe and she wants it because she knows it’ll work.

It will work because they love each other.

Aubrey gasps loudly, pulling the car off to the side of the road and throwing her hazard lights on. “Beca! You didn’t!” She all but snatches the box from Beca’s grasp, both of them tussling over it for a brief moment before Aubrey finally shoves her shoulder and displaces Beca back into her seat. “Oh my God, you actually bought a ring. Without talking to me. Beca! How could you!”

“I didn’t know I needed your permission to buy a ring.”

Aubrey ignores her, opening the box. Her eyes widen comically and if Beca’s heart weren’t completely in her throat because it is now dawning on Beca that she absolutely craves Aubrey’s approval, Beca would laugh. But she doesn’t. She waits with bated breath as Aubrey lifts the ring closer to her face, eyes practically glittering.

“Are you...okay?” Beca asks. Is it okay? she wants to ask, but refrains.

“This is...beautiful, Beca. This is so beautiful.”

Beca exhales, feeling an entire year’s worth of tension leave her body. “For real? Like you’re not just...saying that, right?”

“No, Beca, I’m not just saying that. This is beautiful. And...and I’m so happy for you.” Aubrey presses the ring back into Beca’s hands before moving to grip the steering wheel with determination.

Beca waits, watching Aubrey for a long moment before she speaks up again. “Are we gonna go, or—?”

“I just need a moment to collect myself.”

“Oh, okay.” Beca flips the box open again, smiling at the ring. “Take all the time you need.”

She has never been more ready.

fin.

[jellybeanium124]

I made a 1,200 word one-off fic about each of the siblings leaving the Academy from Luther’s perspective. It was pretty fun to write and I hope y’all enjoy reading it!

Five was the first to leave, obviously. I didn’t think much of it at the beginning, and neither did the others. He’d been the king of sneaking out for as long as we could remember, and for the first week or so we were all joking around that he was hiding in the dumpster behind Griddy’s or at one of the cruddy motels around town. Vanya was the first to ask us to stop making jokes, nine days after he disappeared. She was always the closest to him, and I’m a little embarrassed to say we continued to do it (mostly behind her back) for the next few days. Two weeks, then three weeks. Allison and Ben told us to shut up, and then finally me and Diego laid off. Klaus shut up pretty quickly after that because he was no longer getting a laugh. Maybe he also missed our brother. Sometimes it’s hard to tell if Klaus has a brain… or a heart.

Come to think of it, I don’t remember dad ever mentioning a search and rescue crew. Police never showed up to interview us or dad, Grace, or Pogo. He never sent us on a mission to find Five either. I assumed at the time that there was some sort of search and rescue going on, but now I know better. He never looked at my moon reports, and he never looked for Five.

Ben was the next to go. No joking this time. It was awful. Terrible funeral. I’ll never forget it either. Five’s ego is what caused him to go missing, but it wasn’t Ben’s fault. It was my fault. I’m Number One. I should’ve saved him.

Diego was next, the following spring. He got into some sort of fight with dad, and they were actually yelling at each other. I could probably count on one hand how many times I’ve heard dad actually yell, and if I’m being honest… it was terrifying. I went up to my room and shut my door, but I could still hear them. I stuffed a blanket under my door and it was a little better. Then I plugged my headphones into my record player and blasted the music as loud as I could. I didn’t cry. I don’t cry. I wasn’t looking forward to dinner.

The background noise stopped, and I took off my headphones. I pushed the blanket aside and opened my door. Allison was standing in her doorway too.

“Is it over?” she asked.

“I dunno.”

Diego stormed into his room, looking more angry than I’d ever seen him. Of course, I had to talk to him.

“Hey, what happened?” I asked.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You’re packing…” I said. He was hastily shoving clothing into a suitcase, not that we had much that wasn’t our school uniforms or mission suits. It was mostly clothes left over from missions where we had to go undercover. A nice suit and tie, Hawaiian shirt, a pair of jeans, a pair of sneakers.

“Yeah, I’m leaving.”

“Leaving? Where?”

“I don’t know.”

“Well, where are you going?”

“I just said I don’t know.”

“You can’t just leave.”

“Can’t I?” Diego said, turning around and staring me down with hot eyes.

“We’re 17. And you don’t have any money.”

“I have some.”

“Did you steal things from dad?”

Diego turned back around and didn’t respond. Everyone had stolen something from dad over the years. Even me. We needed money for donuts and birthday presents and lockets somehow.

He struggled to shut the suitcase, and--

“Want help?”

“No.”

He eventually got it closed and tried to rush past me.

“You’re really leaving.” I said.

“Yeah,” he replied, looking at me like I was an idiot. “I can’t live here anymore. Not with that bastard. Someday you’re gonna feel that way too.”

I furrowed my brow. Frankly, I’d never thought of myself being anywhere else. I was the leader of the Umbrella Academy.

“Let me go, Luther.”

I hesitated for a moment. “Couldn’t you just apologize?”

“No.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yes. Let me go.”

I moved aside. Diego peaked into everyone’s rooms and said goodbye to Allison, Vanya, then Klaus. Then he left.

Vanya was next. She left that August for college, Juilliard. I couldn’t imagine anything better for her. Looking back now, I always assumed she’d leave and the rest of us would stay. It was sad to see her go, but it wasn’t permanent. She came back for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Spring break. Her freshman year was the only time she’d do that, though. She came back that summer, and then for Christmas break again, and summer, but that was it. Junior year she found somewhere else to spend Christmas.

But before all that, Klaus left. He was kicked out the February after Vanya went to college. Ever since Diego left and missions dwindled, he’d been spending a lot more time out of the house anyways. He’d disappear for days on end, and when he was here, his room smelled like weed and he had a lot of weird, gross friends over. I hardly ever saw him at meals, but once or twice I caught him in the kitchen in the middle of the night making God-knows-what and talking to himself. Dad eventually came up to our rooms one cold winter day, saw and smelled the state of Klaus and yelled at him to clean up or get out. Klaus got out. His last words before going out the front door was “I’ll be back!” He was not.

Now it was down to me and Allison. She sat me down in her room two weeks after Klaus was kicked out, telling me she had something important to say.

“I’ve been waitlisted at Ithaca.”

“Ithaca?”

“College. Dad’s letting Grace take me for an interview in their acting program. I’m going to get in.”

I didn’t ask her to elaborate. We both knew how she was getting off the waitlist.

“Oh,” I said.

Allison sighed. “I should’ve done this last year, like Vanya, but I kept putting off applying to schools until it was too late. But I’m not putting it off another year. I’m going to go.”

“Oh.”

I looked down. I didn’t know how to respond. I knew in my heart this was coming. Of course Allison was going to go to college, and then to Hollywood, probably. She’d make a great actress.

“You okay, Luther?”

“Yeah, yeah,” I said. “You’ll do great. I’m really happy for you.”

She smiled, but it was a little sadly. “Thanks. I know I’ll be in New York, but I’ll come back on breaks, like Vanya. And I’ll still be here for you. Have you applied to any schools?”

“No.” I said. College just wasn’t the place for me.

“Okay. Well, when you figure out what you wanna do, let me know. I’ll be happy to do anything for you.”

I smiled at her, almost tearing up. “Thanks. I will,” I said, before getting up and leaving.

But I already knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to be Number One, and lead the Umbrella Academy.

But I failed at that.

And now there was no one to lead.

At least not for a long, long time.

[skzsauce01]

42nd Moon Pt 2

Description: By some stroke of luck, you get off the waitlist of your biology class. You’d never have guessed you’d find your soulmate there, let alone that he already has a girlfriend... Or that he comes from a fraternity of werewolves.

Warning: violence, blood

Word count: 1.7k

Pairing: werewolf!Jisung x fem!reader,  werewolf!Hyunjin x fem!reader

Chapter List

Your partner grins victoriously as he holds up another pellet. “Y/N!” he calls. “I found another one; that’s one for each of us, so we can go home now!”

He waits a few seconds but receives no response. “Y/N?” he tries again. “Y/N!”

Again, nothing. He goes to where he had sent you earlier but you aren’t there.

“Goodness,” he curses. “Where did she go?”

He lifts up his sleeve to find that his wrist is no longer glowing, indicating that you are not nearby. He runs his hand over his hair while taking a sharp breath in. 

In another part of the forest, Jisung groans in frustration as his partner finds yet another pellet before him. “Ugh, okay, you win. Let’s go find Y/N and Hyunjin now.”

“I’m already here.”

The two turn towards the voice to see Hyunjin emerging from the trees.

Jisung peers behind his friend’s shoulder. “Where’s--”

Hyunjin clamps a hand over Jisung’s mouth and instead of answering, grins unnaturally at the group’s fourth member. “Now that we’ve all found our pellets, let’s go home and catch up on some sleep, yeah?”

The young boy gulps at Hyunjin’s demeanor. “O-okay, let’s go.”

“Actually, I have something to talk to Jisung about privately. Why don’t you head on down first? Y/N has already gone too,” Hyunjin prompts, smiling wider and allowing some of his sharp teeth to reflect off the light of the moon.

Jisung’s partner nods and does as told. When he is finally out of sight, Hyunjin releases his hand from Jisung’s mouth.

“What was that for?” Jisung snaps. “And what do you mean Y/N already left? You were supposed to stay with her!”

“That’s the problem,” admits Hyunjin. He lifts up his sleeve to show Jisung the black ink around his wrist. “I don’t actually know where she is.”

Jisung’s eyes widen and his heart rate increases upon hearing the news. “Did she get lost or did she get kidnapped?”

“How should I know?”

“How did you lose her in the first place? I told you to stay together! It’s dangerous in the mountains!”

“I’m sorry okay? I was just getting confused with the whole soul thing and turned around for one minute!”

“There’s no point arguing. We need to find her stat.”

“How?”

“Your mark, obviously. We just need to head towards where it glows brightest.”

Your mouth hurts from the gag and your wrists and ankles aren’t feeling any better.

“We were just poaching for some owls, but it looks like we found something even better!” cackles one of your two captors. “How much do you think she’d sell for?”

“With that face, thousands, I’m sure, but what do you say we have some fun first?” suggests his partner.

You flinch as you feel a metal blade glide across your neck. You breathing haggars in fear as you feel the skin on your shoulder splitting under the pressure of the cold knife.

“Such a pretty little thing,” he coos and begins another incision. “Maybe we should stuff her like we were going to do the owl. You know, to immortalize the beauty.”

“Or maybe you can go screw yourself!”

The knife clatters to the ground as your captor gets roundhouse-kicked in the face.

“Hey, Y/N,” pants Jisung, flashing you a quick smile before it drops to a frown upon seeing your wounds. 

He rushes to your side and cuts apart your ropes a little too easily to have been done by his bare hands. Once he unties your gag, you are about to reassure him that you are fine until a mob of brown fur springs across your vision. Before you know it, there is a brown wolf pinning down the other kidnapper.

Hyunjin has never felt so alive. He feels as if he can jump twice as high and run twice as fast. Of course, this comes from the glowing mark around his wrist, the very same mark he has been cursing for the past few weeks, but he doesn’t care about that. He bets he can stomp right through this man’s arm, so he does. There’s a scream, but Hyunjin’s too drunk with power to hear it. He lifts his paw up again, but the second kidnapper tackles him off his friend. Hyunjin springs back to his feet faster than ever. Now his attention is on both of them.

“Stop it!” screams Jisung. He’s going to kill them, Jisung realizes. He can and he will.

He glances at you from the side of his vision. If he turns now, you’ll find out who they really are. Besides, even he is not as strong as Hyunjin when his powers are being enhanced by his mark.

Hyunjin paws the ground as Jisung tightens his grip on the chair you were tied to, weighing his options. Hyunjin leans on to his hindlegs, and whatever Jisung was planning is already too late. He pounces, teeth baring out, ready for action. 

Jisung covers your eyes to spare you from the sight, but to his surprise, you, also realizing what is about to happen, jump out of your chair.

“Hyunjin, stop!”

Hyunjin crashes into the two criminals but just skids away from them after the impact. He blinks a few times at the sky as he regains his senses. His foot burns dully from his landing, but your voice burns in his brain even more. You called his name, and it is the clearest, brightest thing he has ever heard.

Jisung looks at you in shock. Your captors run away clutching their injuries during this window of confusion. You yourself stand firmly where your feet are planted, watching the wolf for his next move.

“H-how did you know?” gasps Jisung.

You pull up your own sleeve, revealing a mark on the inside of your wrist that fits perfectly into one of the empty spots on Hyunjin’s design. “I just guessed. I’ve always felt weird around him in class and this weird mark showed up the day I met him, so I thought I’d give it a try. I don’t really understand it; it just… It just felt right.”

Jisung then laughs partially in relief after the recent scare and partly in amazement. “Wow, Hyunjin, you lucked out with a smart one.” And to you, “Good job, Y/N. Not many soulmates figure it out before we tell them.”

“Soulmate?”

Hyunjin growls at his friend.

“Ah shoot,” Jisung swallows upon realizing what he had let slip. “I think it’d be better if Seungmin explained it.”

“And now, as you might have already figured out, the problem is Jiyoung.” The boy with large round glasses points to a girl drawn at the end of a visual thought map he put onto a white board.

Hyunjin sits hunched over his knees in the corner of the Mu Alpha Theta’s study room. “She is not a problem,” he snarls.

“Right,” agrees the boy by the board. “But you get the point.”

“So what do we do now? Do we have to be together?” you ask.

“Not necessarily. Nature is strong, but nurture is important too. Some wolves never find their mates or cannot be with them for one physical reason or another, but like I said, no other person will complement him as well as you.”

You take a slow breath in, trying to make sense of all the information given to you. “So to reiterate, werewolves exist, and this whole fraternity are wolves. On top of that, I have a soulmate, Hyunjin, who already has a relationship with his girlfriend?”

Seungmin nods. “So what do you want to do?”

“What do you mean?”

“Hyunjin doesn’t want to break up with his girlfriend, but your feelings are equally valid too, not to mention there are risks to him being with someone else. We know what effect your soulmate has on you, so what do you want to do? Be with him, or let him be with Jiyoung?”

Hyunjin holds his breath as he looks at you, awaiting your answer. You shift uncomfortably in your chair as you shift your gaze between the werewolves in the room and your lap.

“I think… I think it’s fine if he stays with Jiyoung,” you decide. You hear a sigh of relief. “I mean, it’s just a crush, right? I’ll get used to it.”

“Y/N, are you sure?” Jisung asks worriedly. 

“Yes.” You smile convincingly.

“Well then, that went well,” notes Seungmin. Turning to Hyunjin, he adds, seriously, “Just because you can stay together, doesn’t mean you can forget the rules.”

The taller male nods, “Of course.”

“We’re done here then,” Seungmin concludes and leaves after a few good byes.

Hyunjin gets up and walks to you. “Thanks, Y/N. I mean, it’s not like I don’t like you or anything, but I really love Jiyoung, and this means a lot to me.”

“Of course,” you nod.

“And uh, sorry for being so rude to you in the past. You… you didn’t deserve any of that.”

You wave off his apology. “It’s fine; I understand. I’m just glad I know why you did that now.”

“Truce?” He holds out a hand for you to shake.

“Truce.” You shake it with a laugh and he prepares to leave.

“I’ll see you in biology then.”

“Okay. Bring the pellets!”

“I will!” he calls over his shoulder.

Jisung walks over and places a hand on your shoulder. “You okay?”

“Yes, why?”

“I mean, you basically just got rejected by Mr. Tall-dark-and-handsome,” he teases.

You roll your eyes. “I’ve known him for less than a month. I’ll get over it.”

Jisung knows the soulmate bond never really ends, but seeing the sparkle of determination in your eye, he doesn’t have the heart to tell you. He instead reaches to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear and lets his fingertips linger there a second longer than necessary.

“I sure hope so, Y/N. I really do.”

~ ad.gold

[joycecarolnotes]

Inside a fog

Here’s a little thing I wrote a while back but never posted. It’s pretty much a bummer, set during SV season 5.

--

Since you lost her, you exist inside a fog. Your joy comes from difficult places. It’s been months since you have really seen a bird.

You eke some small pleasure from the words “I find him intimidating.” Words that have never been spoken—not about self-effacing, accommodating Jared! not about you, that is to say—before. It is a novelty, this being feared by someone, and it thrills you the way all new things have. Like telling your first joke (age 19), your first Halloween costume (age 26), the first time you swore in front of someone (age 33, and certain you’d be struck dead on the spot). It feels good, transgressive, dangerous.

It is short-lived, though, this hot spike of joy, alight like a brief candle. Then, back to wringing your delight out of an old, bone-dry dishrag. A taste in your mouth like dirt.

--

“And you are the applicant’s... grandson?”

“No relation,” you amend. “I’m a friend.”

“A friend!” Mr. Dodson chuckles. He leans back in his chair and rests his feet up. Easy, casual. The room reminds you of many others you’ve spent time in: the psych 101 textbooks, generic motivational art, the lovely crocheted doilies. “I’ll be frank with you. We don't get too many of those around here. Friends, I mean. Not lobbying the way you are.”

You see an in here, a sign, something only you might see, something almost imperceptible. “If you'll forgive me, I don't mean to sound too forward, but whatever it takes to get Muriel into your facility... I’ll beg if I have to. It’s just - gosh, you come so highly recommended. If there's anything I could offer. If there's anything I could do. Sir,” you say (you know they like that). “Anything.” 

You pause there, feeling foolish, feeling your face flush as it is studied and considered. Perhaps you’ve been too long off the corner, perhaps you’ve gone too far, presumed too much, overlooked some crucial sign or gesture.

Mr. Dodson sets down his clipboard. He reaches a hand up and loosens his bowtie. “You’d beg, huh? You sweet thing.”

Yes, yes. Relief courses through you. So you still know what power looks like, in the hands of a man who would abuse it. At least you have that in your favor. 

Muriel wasn’t like the others. She never tried to take anything from you, didn’t want to see you give any more of yourself away. From the moment you met—the lobby at the cardiologist’s office, where she pointed out your copy of the National Audubon Society digest—you and Muriel looked after each other.

She wouldn’t like it, if she knew how it was she got bumped up the waitlist. But do you regret it? No. A part of you has always liked this, and a small part of you likes it now. You like giving. You like sacrifice. You like the rugburn on your knees. Nothing feels quite real until you’ve lost for it.

--

You catch yourself in Richard’s doorway, hanging around, waiting for scraps like a hungry dog under the table where you’re not wanted. How you long to tell him all the things on your mind. To talk about your fears, your dreams, to talk about Muriel, mostly. It’s a disgrace, you know: this selfish impulse to prattle on about yourself. The way you’ve never been able to stop telling these stories. As if sharing fragments of them will somehow make you whole.

You miss her. You miss him. You miss the taste of friendship, savored like chamomile with honey on your lips. You miss being a friend to someone, having something to do with your feelings, a target to focus your friendship on. You miss that maybe most of all.

--

With so little left to love, your love hardens into something harder.

You see Holden across the room. You watch with disdain as he struts around the office, as if he believes it’s already his own. You hate how little he seems to care, how little he has worked or lost for, how little he appreciates the unfathomable opportunity that’s fallen straight into his privileged lap.

This could be your chance: to find out if you have power, if confidence could ever be a color that suits you, in spite of what your fourth grade teacher said. You try them on, the harsh words and withheld compliments. You even put on a splash of the cologne that Gavin wore. The scent turns your stomach. It puts you in the proper mindset.

--

“We’re going to need some additional support staff. At least a couple more folks in operations, marketing, government relations.”

You’ll take care of the interview process, you say. The on-boarding, an extensive, three-day affair you’ve been excitedly planning for weeks now, replete with all the team-building exercises and safe space charades and trust falls usually reserved for your most decadent fantasies. The new hires will report directly to you. That much, at least, you as COO can happily take off your diligent captain’s already over-full plate.

“Yeah, ah. Jared. About that.” Richard glances around the room, careful not to make eye contact, as if he’s searching for an emergency exit, for some sort of shortcut out. 

“Yes?” you ask. Sometimes that’s all it takes, you know. A gentle prod. A little course correction. It’s so easy with Richard. You rest your hand on his delicate shoulder and nudge him the right way.

“They - look - the HR department. They said they can't have you involved with all that.”

You laugh—“ha!”—a squawk, joyful and full-throated. “How silly! And what did you tell them? Why on earth would they say a thing like that?”

Richard scratches at his neck. You can sense he’s nervous and, with that, panic begins to rise inside your chest. “There’ve, well. There’ve been complaints. About the way you were with Holden. Jared, you’re just - I’m sorry, man - you’re not a good supervisor. And we’re gonna need to, uh - to keep you away from the new hires.”

Not good. Not good, Donald. You feel the blood in your ears. Your heart hammers. Not good not good not good.

“Are you saying”—you pause here, breathe and swallow, your fingers twitch into a fist—“that indolent - slothful - that Holden issued a complaint against me? Because I swear to god, Richard, I - ”

“No,” Richard says. “Not Holden. I did.”

--

It used to frighten you so, to think that you might become one of them. Perhaps if you let your guard down, failed to be sufficiently vigilant, if you let the darkness creep just a little too far in. You hadn’t meant to do it, not exactly. But perhaps you were always going to do it either way. Violence was a seed planted inside you, putrescent and rotten. Over years and in the thrall of different leaders, it took root. Chipping and chipping away, just as you were chipped and chipped away at, all the wounds and cuts and scrapes. The thing that lived inside you, put there by someone else. 

--

Your hand is shaking. Your voice is shaking. You feel your face about to crack in two, in spite of your valiant effort to prevent it. You fall onto your knees, onto the floor in front of Richard. Your soft cheek rests against the rough of Richard’s jeans.

“Oh Richard,” you say, and it feels good, at last, to confess it. “How I resented him! How he got to be close to you when I didn’t. I was so lonely. Muriel, Gloria. Goodness, I missed you so much. I couldn’t bear to see it, how ungrateful he was, how he didn’t even know how lucky he was to serve you!” You sob, miserably, into Richard’s slender thigh.

“You know,” Richard almost laughs, “that’s not what everyone wants here? To ‘serve me’ or whatever, right?” He clambers, indelicately, out of the CEO chair and joins you on the floor. 

You feel him draw close. You nod, press your eyelids closed, and await the punishment that must be duly meted. You deserve them now: every back that will turn toward you. And you would almost enjoy it, yes, it might almost feel good, knowing you could spin this—like straw into gold—to be about your grief and then, in turn, punishment for your selfishness. 

And do not resent his rebuke, you think.

Your foster mother used to say that.

“Do you see now,” Richard says, “how trying to practice ‘emotional abstinence’ or whatever on me didn’t help? Fuck, Jared. It hurt us.”

“I’m so sorry, Richard.” You wipe your nose, indelicately, on the back of your large, pale hand.

“Jared,” Richard says, and you expect to hear get out of my office, to hear you're fired, to hear you selfish, treacherous, treasonous ingrate, I never want to see you again.

“Can I hug you,” Richard says, instead. 

Outside, a bird perches on the windowsill. The fog begins, slowly, to lift.

[prettyinlimegreenboots]

Hey there! Could you maybe do toasted marshmallows, bonfire, and see your breath in the air as as prompt for whoever? If not that's totally fine. Your stuff is all really good and brightens my day all the time! I'm so excited that you have that masterlist now! Have a great night!

Drinking is mentioned.

The sun peeked through the trees as a light breeze swept through the yard. Race gazed up at the old house he and Spot had purchased a couple of years ago. They had spent the morning raking leaves, only for their dog, Spud, to jump in them and make a mess. And now it was time to sit, relax, and enjoy the gorgeous day.

October was here and it was the perfect day for a bonfire in the yard. With mugs of hot apple cider, Race sat in a lounge chair while Spot got to work building the fire. “You sure you know what you’re doing?”

“I mean it’s not hard to catch some leaves on fire before putting some wood on top.” Spot grinned. “Besides, unlike you, I did a few years of Scouts and the number one rule of Scouts is Be Prepared!”

Race chuckled. “Just get the fire started, Spottie. I need my heater over here to keep me warm. And your apple cider is getting cold.”

They both waited several seconds with baited breath before the leaves caught fire along with several sticks that were thrown in the fire pit. “Ha, in your face Racetrack. Doubting my skills.”

“Alright, my Mr mighty fire builder, come over here and keep me warm.” Race opened his arms for Spot to crawl into his lap as he nestled his head into Spot’s warm chest. “We should roast marshmallows.”

Spot chuckled. “That sounds like a plan. Let the fire die down some and we can do that. Is there anything else we need to do today?”

“Nope. Chili is simmering on the stove, fire built, Spud’s down for the count. Kat and Jack said they might stop by later along with Blink, Mush, Albert and Finch.” Race sighed in contentment.

Taking a sip of his apple cider, Spot nodded. “Sounds like a solid Saturday afternoon.”

They both watch Spud wiggle next to them in the grass with a laugh before hearing a car door slam. Spud was on his feet barking heading to the front of the house before either of them could move.

They waited for whoever had arrived to make their appearance. In the meantime, Spot leaned down and kissed Race. “Happy autumn, snookums.”

“It’s been a pretty spectacular day, huh?” Race grinned, seeing his brother and Kat walk around the corner of the house with Spud at their heels.

“Hey you two.” Jack yelled, as Spud took something from Kat’s hand and went to lay down. “Yard looks good.”

Spot gave him a look. “Thanks but you’re rewarding the dog that messed it up this morning.”

“In what way?” Kat gave him a look, sitting in one of the chairs around the fire pit.

Race watched Spud chew on the rawhide that the two had brought him before looking at the happy couple. “We were raking leaves and mister decided to run through them and make a mess. It’s a good thing we love him.”

“Awww he probably didn’t mean to.” Kat reached over and gave him belly rubs.

Spot and Race both chuckled, shaking their heads at how spoiled their dog is by friends and family. “What have you guys been up to?”

“She made me clean bathrooms today.” Jack cried dramatically, giving his wife a look. “Other than that we went to the farmer’s market before coming here.”

Race patted Jack’s shoulder sympathetically. “I feel your pain, Jackie. Spottie makes me clean the bathrooms too.”

“Would you rather wash floors or dust?” Kat gave him a look, raising an eyebrow. “You complain when I make you wash dishes or vacuum. You’re pitching in around the house, somehow - laundry, vacuum, dusting, or bathrooms. Pick your poison.”

Spot gave Race a look. “Don’t give me that look - you’re in the same boat as your brother. Pick your poison.”

Kat held her arm up for a high five as Spot obliged. Jack and Race looked at their spouses. “I believe we’ve been set up.”

“Way to go Captain Obvious.” Spot grinned at his beloved before looking at Jack and Kat. “Pleasure doing business with you Kat!”

They heard more car doors close as Jack looked at the two. “Expecting more people?”

“As our house usually is, it was an open invite. We texted you two but I may have let it slip to Albert and Blink as well.” Race grinned, watching the two walk around the corner of the house with their better halves. “Hey guys! We have chili simmering on the stove and s’more stuff for later.”

Greetings and hugs were exchanged before everyone got cozy around the fire, which Spot had put another two logs on. Race tilted his head back and blew air from his mouth grinning. “Hey I can see my breath.”

“How old are you again?” Albert asked, giving his best friend a look.

Race stuck out his tongue and laughed. “Today, I’m 6 but on a normal day, 25.”

The group laughed, while Spot nestled deeper into Race’s lap. A discussion about football started up. The local university was playing away that day so Albert and Blink had their phones out with the updates coming through.

Race stood up from the chair, gently depositing Spot in the chair before backing Kat to come with him into the house. He went to the stove and stirred the chili and gave her a look. “Will you gather the stuff for s‘mores?”

They were silent as they attended both of their tasks - him gathering stuff for chili while she found all the s‘ more stuff. “Race, how’s it going?”

“Good. We have a home visit next week and that’s the last step before we’re officially adoptive parents. Once that’s done, we can start adopting or foster.” Race grinned, as she stopped and hugged him.

“That’s so exciting. You two have been waiting for this for the last two years.” She grinned. “Are you going to foster or go right into adoption?”

Race grabbed a few bowls from the cupboard before shrugging. “I think we’re leaning toward adoption but there’s quite a waitlist for adoption so we may foster first. We have an option where we could foster and adopt if it’s a right fit.”

“I’m excited for you two. Jack and I are here if you need anything.” Kat put everything on a tray before putting it on the kitchen table.

“Thanks. We really appreciate it. Your character reference letter you did for us was more than we could’ve asked for.” Race hugged her again

She grinned, swallowing the wave of emotion that surged through her. “You’re welcome. Jack and I’ll do anything for you and Spot.”

Race nodded, grabbing the sour cream and shredded cheese from the fridge before looking at the counter. “Can you let those yahoo’s know chili is ready?”

She walked out to the wrap around porch, yelling at the ones in the yard. He heard everyone before he could see them. They gathered around, grabbing bowls and ladling them up with chili and all the fixings. Spot pulled Race close, kissing him before grinning. “This looks good. Thanks for making it.”

Shouts of gratitude and thanks were yelled as everyone headed outside. Silence fell over the group as everyone dug. “That’s the best chili I’ve had.”

“Only because you didn’t have to make it.” Race quipped, giving Mush a look. “Besides, from what I’ve heard, you’re banned from the kitchen.”

Albert and Jack both chuckled. “Not sure why you’re laughing, boys. Heard you’re not allowed in either without supervision.”

“It was a teeny tiny fire.” Jack said before putting another spoonful in his mouth.

Spot raised an eyebrow. “Then why was the fire department called?”

“They were called for precaution. Just to make sure everything was alright.” Jack argued, giving the group a look. “I’m usually on grilling duty.”

“That way the house won’t explode.” Kat broke in as the entire group busted into laughter. “But I still love you, sweetie.”

Wiping tears from his eyes, Race grinned at Spot. “I guess I’m the lucky one that both of us can hold our own in the kitchen. And he bakes too.”

Blowing on his nails before buffing them on his shirt, Spot grinned. “Did you grab the cookies for tonight?”

“No, Kat grabbed all of the s’more stuff but I’ll grab them when I bring that stuff out.” Race promised, sighing in contentment.

Spot added a couple of pieces of wood to the fire. A conversation about work and future plans was started as Race and Spot started picking bowls and heading back into the house. “Will you grab a couple of blankets while I grab the s’more stuff?”

With a nod, Spot grabbed the clear bucket of bonfire blankets, meeting Race in the kitchen with a kiss. “Love you.”

“Love you too Spottie.”

Heading back out, Race set the tray of s’more stuff on the little table before collapsing in a chair with a sigh. “There’s marshmallows, graham crackers, cookies, and various chocolate to make your own s’mores. The marshmallow sticks are in the bucket.”

“Thanks Race, Spot for hosting us.” Albert raised his beer bottle in thanks.

“Anytime.” Spot said grinning. “Actually, we might need your help soon.”

Albert raised an eyebrow with a grin. “Name it.”

“Race and I are thinking of putting in a garden in the back part of the property next spring. Something small to start but we might need your Rototiller to break up some of the grass and dirt.” Spot explained.

Albert nodded. “Yeah absolutely. Do you know what you want to plant?”

Albert and Finch had put in a garden over the summer and filled it with carrots, radishes, peppers, tomatoes, watermelon, and were currently growing pumpkins now. There had been many times that Albert and Finch had made dinner from the contents of their garden.

“We figured we’d start small, maybe carrots, lettuce, or radishes and go from there.” Race shrugged. “We want to be able to manage it and not have it take up every free second we have.”

Finch nodded. “Let us know when you want the rototiller and it’s yours.”

Race moved from the chair to grab a stick and a marshmallow before sitting closer to the fire. His tongue poked out of his mouth in concentration, as he slowly toasted his marshmallow for the perfect hue. “Just stick it in and burn it, Racer.”

“Just because you like tasting carbon when you eat your marshmallows, doesn’t mean the rest of us do.” Race gave Jack a look. “Besides, this is how I like my s'mores .”

Spot had two graham crackers and a piece of chocolate waiting for him as he pulled his marshmallow from the fire. “Look at that beauty! Stunning work of art.”

He crafted his s’more before taking a bite and moaning in delight. “Pure Heaven, right here.”

The rest of the group made their s’mores, Jack critiquing their marshmallow toasting strategies. “If you think you can do it any better, how about you roast one youself, Jackie.”

“Maybe I will.” Jack stood up, grabbing a stick and a marshmallow before sticking it in the fire for a few seconds, waiting for it to catch fire before pulling it out and extinguishing the side by blowing on it. “Ta da!”

Spot and Race both cracked up laughing at the black, burnt marshmallow. “Any monkey could do that. It takes skill and determination to make a marshmallow as perfect as mine.”

Jack gave him a look. “Well we can’t all be as tedious as you are.”

“Thank goodness for that. There’s room for only one Racer in the world.” Albert grinned, nudging his best friend.

Race laughed, nodding. “Thanks Al.”

“We were all thinking it, I just said it.” Albert smirked.

The rest of the night was spent trading stories around the fire while toasting marshmallows, enjoying each other’s company. Laughter lit up the night like the flames. It was a great night and one that Race would look back on with nothing but fondness.

Thanks @deliciouspeachpirate for the prompt. Hope you enjoy it!!!

[ayma-nidiot]

“Don’t Speak Their Names” - Shrimpshipping fic Chapter 13

This chapter on AO3 can be found here.

Chapter 13 - 11 Years

~29 August 2005~

“Hum de dum…” Rex could not contain his happiness as Ptera drove Weevil and him to his first day of college. He had spent a good deal of that morning preening himself, and even wore his hair in a low ponytail for the occasion.

“I don’t know why you’re so proud of yourself,” Weevil thought aloud. Unlike his boyfriend, Weevil had been sleeping until about ten minutes ago. He was never the type to spend any significant time getting ready for something. He ate the breakfast that Ptera had cooked for everyone, hoping that his groggy head would go away soon. “Getting accepted via the waitlist isn’t exactly a great honour.”

“Ah, shaddap. I’m a student of Domino City University, and nothing’s gonna change that.”

Weevil yawned. “But did we have to get up so early? Our first class isn’t even until noon.”

“Yeah, but I heard there is a morning club fair going on. I wanted to check it out before class.”

Ptera parked the car into a spot; she had just barely beaten someone else, who flicked her off before driving for another spot. “Look at my little man, being such a proactive student already! Have a good first day, Rex! Don’t forget to call me if you need anything!”

Rex felt embarrassed as his mother kissed his cheek, and a few passing older students giggled watching them. “Mom, I’m not little anymore - in fact, I’m far from it. May I remind you I’m now so heavily pregnant that I’m wearing maternity clothes?” Rex gestured towards his baggy beige pants. He wore a black maternity shirt that said “Mamasaurus,” with a dinosaur on it that vaguely resembled Two-Headed King Rex.

Tears of joy formed at the corners of Ptera’s eyes. “You’re growing up too fast.”

“Okay, Mom, love you.” After a few more hugs and kisses, Rex and Weevil entered the grand courtyard, complete with a reflecting pond. As it was the first day of school - and on the day of a club fair, at that - the university had well over 20000 students this day. In the sea of wildly varying hair and skin colours, Rex recognized a few faces from his senior class. Naturally, they acted like the buffoons they were when they were still in high school. One even tried to take a dip in the reflecting pond before being chased out by a dean.

But other than that, most of the student body seemed dignified. He was pleasantly surprised to see that there weren’t just young adults in the student body, there were a few middle-aged and senior citizens too. He wasn’t sure how to feel about Amber suddenly coming at him with, “Hi, guys! So, you made it into university, Rex. Congratulations.”

“I’m not surprised that you made it too,” spoke Rex.

“Wiiiiith a full ride,” Amber practically sang.

“No need to rub it in. Again.”

“Plus, going to university is now free,” Weevil remarked. “Or have you not been watching the news lately?”

“Okay, okay, I’ll stop. If you’re here for the club fair, it’s just past the student union, which is pretty far from here. Come.” Amber didn’t like how both boys seemed hesitant to talk to her. Then again, she expected it, since they hadn’t contacted each other since their café visit almost a month ago, and the tiring battle that soon followed it. “So, how are things?”

“I’ve finally said goodbye to that sack of shit I once called ‘Father,’” Weevil replied. “And the best part is, I never have to see him again! Adelaide and I live with Rex now. Oh, yeah, Adelaide is my friend who taught me how to duel.”

“I see. I suppose some congratulations are in order.”

“It makes me happy not only to get away from that toxic man, but also to see the growth of my child.”

“Ah…” For the first time, Amber had noticed Rex’s baby bump, and stopped to touch it. “How fortunate for you.”

“Amber?” Rex looked at the raven-haired girl quizzically. Her face had taken on a longing expression he had never seen before. “You’re acting weird.”

“S-Sorry!” Amber quickly retracted her hand and continued the walk to the student union. “It’s so rude to touch a pregnant person’s belly without permission. I… That was wrong of me.”

“Dude, it’s fine,” Rex laughed.

The trio enjoyed a few more seconds of silence before arriving at the bustling student union. The first thing Rex noticed a giant mobile with a mosaic-like pattern hanging from the ceiling. There were so many different restaurants that he feared he would get nauseous again - so he was surprised to find out he still felt fine.

 Amber pointed to a group that approached her. “I’ll tell you what’s not fine… These guys.”

“Hey, would you like to join Domino’s Finest Society?” spoke a red-haired man, who appeared to be the club’s president. He had a gaggle of other officers behind him in colourful, goofy garb.

“You sure sound full of yourselves,” Rex guffawed.

“Who asked you, ignoramus?” spoke the orange-haired vice president of the club, who put her hands at her hips. “We don’t need the opinion of the one who graduated at the bottom of Domino High School’s class.”

“Huh! Ignore him,” a green-haired young woman snorted. “Just his presence is befouling the room.”

“But you, on the other hand…” The purple-haired secretary placed his hand on Weevil’s shoulder. “We could use you. To think that the top two students of Domino High School would attend this esteemed university… How fortunate we are!”

“Beat it, ya freaks!” Amber snorted as she beckoned for Rex and Weevil to follow her. “Come on, you two, let’s not give them the time of day.”

“Uh… Okay.” As Rex turned to leave, he made sure to give the president a good grimace. “Amber, who are they? Besides people I would certainly like to smack upside the head right now.”

“They’re apparently a society of only the highest I.Q. individuals. Apparently, the founding president had an I.Q. of 300. A load of hogwash, that is. Even with my good grades, mine is only 150.”

“‘Only…’” Rex’s eyebrow twitched.

“So why didn’t you join them, then?” Weevil questioned.

“Because there’s this other club I’d much rather join instead. Let me show you!” With that, Amber led her friends past the Legalize Recreational Marijuana Club (Rex had to admit he was mildly interested in it) to a booth with various types of playing cards.

“Ta-dah! This is what I’ve been wanting to show you!”

Rex looked at the sign. “‘Domino Tabletop Gaming?’”

“If you like tabletop games, you’ve come to the right place!” The president lit up when he saw Rex. “We have traditional games, we have more modern ones… And you bet your bottom dollar we have Duel Monsters.”

“All right, I know which one I’m joining!” Amber picked up a pamphlet. 

“What is this? The Amber of Domino High School has chosen us over Domino’s Finest Society?” 

The president got so excited that he took Amber’s hands into his own, which she was quick to snatch away. “Don’t get any funky ideas, man.”

“Hehehe…” An approaching student temporarily distracted the president. “Well, hello there. Would you like to join Domino Tabletop Gaming?”

Rex wasn’t expecting to see Mako there. Unlike most of the members of the “Dweeb Patrol,” he found his presence to be just fine.“Oh! Mako Tsunami, I didn’ t know you were a student here. I thought you’d be off fishing in a new boat or something.”

“I decided to start taking classes here, hoping to be a marine biologist. While fishing as a side hustle, of course.”

“Then we’ll be schoolmates, then.” Weevil’s eyebrow twitched as he recalled his not-so-friendly, very brief encounter with Mako at Battle City. “Charmed. And we’ll be even more charmed to see you at the Tabletop Gaming Club.”

“Y-Yeah…” Mako scanned his surroundings, as if he were looking for someone. “Bummer. I thought that Espa was going to be here, but… I guess he won’t be joining the club after all.”

“It’s not like today’s a deadline to join a club,” the club president chuckled. “You can still tell your friend about it, and he can join if he’s interested.”

“Phew, thank goodness.”

“Why, did you have something you wanted to say to him?” Rex asked.

“I… um…” Mako began to act coy, very much unlike his usual proud demeanour. “I just wanted to apologize to him. I guess I’ll… um… just wait until the club meeting, then.”

“Hmm…” Rex raised an eyebrow as he watched Mako walk off. “I wonder if there’s something interesting going on between those two.”

“Even if there was, it’s really none of our business.” Weevil decided to change the subject. “Anyway, Mr. President… Sir, as a president of a tabletop gaming club, you should know something. I saw some really awry real visions a few weeks ago. They attacked me, but there didn’t seem to be any duelists nearby.”

“Real visions gone bad, you say?” The president scratched his chin. “I can’t say that any of my club members have anything to do with it. That sounds like something you’d need to bring up with KaibaCorp. But if it makes you feel any better, we can talk about it at the meeting.”

“Would you really? Thank you; that means a lot.”

“Anyway, nice seeing you!” The president waved at the three as they left for the nearby dining hall to get brunch. “Our first meeting is tomorrow at 7pm! We hope to see you there.”

“Hmm…” Rex took a look at the pamphlet while he let Weevil pay for their food. “The second day of school is a bit soon for a club meeting, don’t you think?”

“Maybe so.” Amber saved a table for her and Rex; before either of them knew it, the bug duelist was already out to get their food. “Weevil’s a kind young man, isn’t he?”

“I don’t know about that… We still get into quarrels about dueling strategies and such. And if you ask Yugi and his friends, he’s what you would call a ‘duelin’ disgrace.’”

“I wouldn’t have thought that with the way he treats you like a princess.”

As they conversed, the trio learned that they shared the exact same class at noon - freshman composition with Professor Dick Hwad. But that was the only class they had together at the same time. For obvious reasons, Rex had a much lighter schedule; he only had one other class that day - ancient history at 3pm. Weevil’s and Amber’s schedules were nearly identical, with calculus classes, anatomy classes, and a few other classes with such specific subjects that Rex didn’t want to try to understand.

After brunch, Rex, Weevil, and Amber took a seat at a small table in their freshman comp classroom.

“For this being a required class for all freshmen, it sure is a small one,” Amber noticed. “I’d say this room can’t fit more than 20 people.”

After about 15 minutes, the teacher had not yet arrived, even though it was the start of class. “Say, isn’t there a college rule that if the teacher is more than 15 minutes late, then class is unofficially cancelled?” Rex asked Amber.

“Keyword, ‘unofficially.’ And you’ll find out that’s just one of the many unwritten rules college students have made.”

Just then, the door barged open, and a man with goofy glasses ran to the podium. “Hello, everyone, sorry I’m late!”

Amber had already turned to leave the classroom, and the arrival of her professor prompted her to sit back down. As soon as he got himself settled, he returned to his dignified composure.

As Professor Hwad set up his PowerPoint presentation, Weevil whispered, “He sure seems like a scatterbrain, doesn’t he?”

“Yeah, well it’s better than being a dino brain.” Rex made finger guns at Weevil.

Ignoring what Rex just said, Amber replied, “He may seem like a scatterbrain, but he’s actually pretty smart. I heard he graduated this university when he was only 20.”

“Huh.” Rex looked at the first slide of the PowerPoint presentation; it appeared to be the class syllabus. He squinted at the materials list and raised his hand. When Professor Hwad called on him, he said, “I didn’t know ‘Internet’ counted as a class material.”

“You’ll find that unlike high school, college is technologically-oriented,” answered Professor Hwad. “Your assignments, as well as copies of my PowerPoint presentations, will be found on our class website.”

“Oh? Then why come to class?”

“Young man, if everyone in college could get by on just reading PowerPoint presentations, then everyone would pass. Plus, you will have in-class presentations as part of your grade.”

Rex sat back down, and didn’t like how Weevil and his classmates snickered at him. He never thought he’d hear that signature laugh of his again. “Haha! It’s only the first 20 minutes of class, and you’ve already made a fool of yourself. Good going, dino brain.”

Rex watched the rest of this presentation with a pouting face. Though that pouting face soon faded as Professor Hwad cracked a few funny jokes throughout - something that his high school teachers dared not to do. He never thought that a teacher could be strict and goofy at the same time, yet here he was. College can’t be this fun… can it?

Luckily, class was over 15 minutes before class was set to end, which gave Professor Hwad an idea. “Since you will be spending the next four months or so together, and since this class will involve a lot of group work, the last 15 minutes of class will be for an icebreaker. When it’s your turn, state your name, your major if you’ve declared it, and a few facts about yourself.”

A few of the introverts - Weevil included - squirmed at this idea yet didn’t feel brave enough to just up and leave. Rex, however, was as outgoing as they come. Even before it was his turn, he shot up and spoke, “Yup, I’m the one and only Rex Raptor, runner-up in the regionals! I love dinosaurs more than anything else in the world! And… uh… I actually haven’t the faintest clue what I want my major to be. Truth be told, I’m only here because Weevil is.”

“Yes, we know,” spoke a young male student from the table behind Rex. “We all saw you get your ass handed to you at that match.”

“Naw, I let Weevil win that one.”

Professor Hwad interrupted this quarrel. “Well, I’m glad we already have some sense of camaraderie. Speaking of Weevil, I believe it’s your turn.”

“Yes, well.” Weevil got up and cleared his throat. “I am the salutatorian of Domino High School’s graduating class, Weevil Underwood. And unlike certain dino brains which shall remain nameless, I have come to college to show the world how smart I am.”

“Hmm, maybe teaching would be a good profession for you, then.” Professor Hwad smiled. “We’re down to our last two people. And you, young lady?”

Amber stood up. “My name is Amber, and I graduated at the top of the class from Domino High School. I love Duel Monsters! By the way, if anyone wants to duel me, you know where to find me.”

Professor Hwad spoke through the men’s whistling, “And your major?”

“I already have declared mine to be Education - Life Sciences. I want to be a biology professor.”

“And at the tender age of 16!” Professor Hwad was clearly impressed. “The world needs more teachers, especially potential ones of your caliber. Thank you, Ms. Amber, you may take a seat.”

“Wow, Amber, I didn’t know that,” Rex also sounded impressed. “You should have told us.”

“I didn’t know you were only 16, either,” spoke Weevil. “I can see why you took the valedictorian spot from me.”

“Hehehe… Thanks, guys.” Amber stopped talking when she noticed the last person about to speak her piece. She was a middle-aged woman with mint green hair, tied up in a traditional Japanese bun, with traditional Japanese clothes to match. “Wow, what an unusual hair colour. The only people I’ve seen with hair like that are Espa Roba, and of course you, Weevil.”

“Speaking of Espa, we just might see him in one of our other classes,” Rex whispered to Weevil.

“Um… Hello.” This woman was clearly shy around her new classmates - embarrassed, even, for being the oldest student there. “My major is Biomedical Sciences. I want to be a doctor, even though I don’t know what kind yet. Some of you may be wondering why I’m so late into my college career. Well, I had an abusive husband, who kicked me out of the house 11 years ago.”

“‘Kicked me out of the house 11 years ago…’” Weevil pondered this woman’s words for a while, and his eyes opened wide. “That’s about when Mother was kicked out of the house!”

“My husband didn’t let me study when I lived in that house. All he saw me for was a housewife. The only thing I had in that house was my then-8-year-old son. I’m here today because I want to make a better career for myself, one that my son can be proud of.”

“What a story!” This woman’s speech moved everyone in the room - some even to tears - not the least was Professor Hwad. “Except it’s missing one thing. Your name.”

“My name is Camellia Kaiba, sister of the late Gozaburo Kaiba. My brother practically gave me as a ‘gift,’ if you will, to my husband to symbolize their new business partnership. But their one-upmanship got so out of hand that eventually, my husband left KaibaCorp to start his own company.”

“Well, we’re glad you’re here. We’re about five minutes early, but I’ll dismiss class anyway. Be sure to read the syllabus and check the class website! If you have questions, you may contact me through there.”

“Well, time to move onto the next enchilada, as they say.” Rex motioned to take a short break before his next class, but stopped when he noticed Weevil approach Camellia, and followed him. “Weeves?”

“Wait!” Weevil stopped Camellia just before she could leave.

“Hey…” Camellia stared into Weevil’s eyes. “Can… Can it be?”

Weevil knelt to the ground and immediately began to cry. “I… I… I never thought… that after 11 years, we would meet like this…”

“You’re…” Camellia knelt down, still not believing the sight of the person before her.

“Mother!” Weevil threw himself at Camellia, burying his face into her chest. “Oh, Mother!”

“Weevil, my son…” Camellia patted her son’s hair and cried too. “I’ve missed you… My sweet son, I’ve missed you so much. You’ve grown into such a handsome young man.”

After Weevil stopped crying, he let his mother wipe away his remaining tears. “Mother, there’s so much I want to tell you, so much I want to talk to you about. I’ve finally cut ties with Fa- with Roach. So has Adelaide.”

“Adelaide is with you?”

“Yeah, we moved in with Rex and his family.”

“Rex?”

Rex revealed himself. “That’s my name, don’t wear it out.”

“I didn’t know that this young man was a friend of yours.”

Weevil hadn’t prepared to meet his mother, let alone come out to her. But after all they had been through, he didn’t need to prepare himself. “Mother, there’s something I have to tell you. I’m a bit scared to do this, since Roach disowned me for it, but… I’m gay, and Rex is my boyfriend.”

“Ooh, you make a cute couple!” Camellia grinned. “In fact, I kind of thought that way after I saw you two hug after regionals.”

“You actually saw that?!” Weevil hid his face in his hands. 

“Actually, I’m more impressed by the fact she started shipping us long before we became an item.” Rex winked, eliciting a flick on the nose from Weevil.

“You’re okay with it, then?” Weevil asked, still a bit nervous.

“That you had the courage to tell me just makes me all the more proud of you, son. I love you no matter what.” Camellia let Weevil cry on her shoulder again.

“Sooo…” Rex still tried to process the fact that he had just met his boyfriend’s mother in the strangest of circumstances. “If you’re Weevil’s mom, and you’re the sister of Gozaburo, then… that makes Weeves…”

“...the nephew of Gozaburo, and therefore the rightful heir to KaibaCorp,” Weevil finished.

“Whoa.” Rex blinked. “That’s wild. There’s still so much I haven’t learned about you, baby.”

“Ah! Thank you for reminding me. Mother, you’ll be glad to know that you’re going to be a grandmother. Rex is not only intersex, but he’s also 22 weeks pregnant.”

“Is that so?” Camellia curiously reached for Rex’s baby bump. “M-May I?”

“Of course.”

“Are you… Do you feel all right?” Camellia asked as Weevil put his hand on the baby bump too.

“Eh. My back hurts, and I have to go to the bathroom, like, every hour. But other than that, I can manage.” Rex stopped talking when he felt the baby move. “Oh! What was that?”

Camellia and Weevil felt it too. “Rex… I think… that these are our baby’s first kicks!”

“Oh, Weeves…” As if there hadn’t been enough crying that day, Rex shed his own tears of joy as he talked to his unborn child. He couldn’t be happier to experience yet another pregnancy milestone, especially with Weevil there to experience it with him. “I know, I know, you want out. Don’t worry, we’ll all get to meet you in another four months. And when we do, you’ll get the best party ever!”

Amber watch this scene from near the classroom door. The next class already started to file into the room. “So are you guys going to go to your next class, or what?”

“I’m right behind you.” Weevil started walking to the door, but not without asking Camellia, “What about you?”

“This actually is my next class. But here’s my phone number…” Camellia exchanged phone numbers with Weevil. “We can catch up later.”

“And I should totally invite her over, hehe.” Rex sat on a nearby bench after they left. “Amber, you’re more than welcome to join us, too.”

“...I have a class to get to, so I’ll catch you later.” And with that, Amber was suddenly gone.

“She doesn’t seem all too excited about the baby, does she?” Rex wondered out loud. “But whatever. I think, Weeves, that this is going to be a fun college career.”

[eyebrowluv]

Tall Blonde with One Sugar 2/?

“No, no, it’s okay,” Erwin sighed. “He has Alzheimer’s. I took a couple years after undergrad to take care of him. I wanted to be there for him. He made me promise I would go back to school for my Master’s while he still had his facilities. I took care of him as long as I could, but his condition deteriorated to the point that only medical professionals could care for him. I stayed around and visited him in the nursing home for awhile, but he doesn’t remember me, and it just upsets him every time I go. The last time I saw him, he got so upset that they had to strap him to a bed and sedate him. So, I just call the nurse for updates. I haven’t talked to him since I came back to school. He’s happier that way.”

“Erwin…”

“So,” Erwin sniffles and swallowed heavily. “As you can imagine, my father is not in the mental or financial state to assist me. It’s fine. I’m an adult, and things won’t always be so hard.” He turned to Levi with that same smile, the one that shone so bright that you could almost ignore the way it never quite made it his eyes.

“If you need help-“

“Nope, I’m good. I’ve already imposed on you more than I should. Have a good night, Levi. Thank you again for the ride.” The blond didn’t hesitate in opening the door this time, and rushed into the building.

“Fuck, he’s going to be the death of me.”

——

“Where is it?” Levi blew a strand of hair from his eyes as he sat back on his heels. “It’s got to be here somewhere.” He looked around his bedroom in defeat before standing.

“The office,” he announced to the empty room before rushing out. He flung open the closet in the guest room turned office and saw the plain white box sitting in the corner.

“There you are, you fucker.” Levi lifted the box and shook it just make sure. Yes, this was it. He hurriedly opened the box and pulled out the GR1 backpack inside. He had gotten it for an ex as a birthday present, but they broke up before Levi could gift it to him. He was too lazy to return it, and was glad he was. Not even Erwin could destroy this thing. His search of the office continued. Until he found the bag containing his old laptop. The battery was likely dead, but it was only a couple of years old, and definitely in better shape than that brick Erwin was toting about.

Levi gathered his bounty and made his way out of his apartment and across the hall. He knocked on Erwin’s apartment door, and was surprised to find neither Erwin or his roommate.

“Hi, you must be Levi.” The person that stood in front of Levi looked almost maniacal with glee.

“Hange, I don’t think it’s going to come on. It’s broken beyond repair.” Erwin’s voice sounded from deeper in the apartment.

“Come in. I’m trying to save his laptop.” Hange motioned for Levi to follow, and led him into the apartment.

“Who was at the door?” Erwin was seated on the floor in front of the coffee table, pieces of his broken laptop spread on its surface. He looked up. “Levi? Is there something wrong?”

“Yes. It disturbs me that you think you can actually salvage that thing. Here.” Levi held out the backpack.

“What’s this?” Erwin took the proffered bag.

“What does it look like? It’s a backpack, you idiot.”

“I know that, but why?” The blond studied the dark gray nylon in his hands, noting the weight.

“You need one, don’t you? I don’t use it, so there you go...a new backpack.”

“Levi, really, I couldn’t,” Erwin protested, unzipping the bag to look inside. “You forgot that your laptop was in here.”

“No, I didn’t. I got a new laptop this year, so this one is just taking up space and collecting dust.”

“Levi, this is too much. I really can’t-“

“Nonsense. You can and you will. I don’t use them or need them, you do. It’s really quite simple. You don’t have a say because I don’t trust your judgment.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

“You say thank you, Levi.” Levi crossed his arms, and Erwin looked at him with shining blue eyes.

“Thank you, Levi.”

“Good boy. Now I’ll leave you two to it.” Levi turned to leave before noticing something was...off. “Where’s Nigel and Mary?”

“Nile and Marie are spending the weekend at Marie’s. Her roommate went away for the weekend.”

“Good news for you. Have fun, kids.” With that, Levi let himself out.

——

“Are you freaking kidding me right now?” Hange squealed.

“I’m not sure what just happened.”

“You never told me your neighbor looked like that.”

“Like what?”

“Erwin, come on now. He may not have much in the way of personality, but the man is hot.”

“I’ve not noticed.” Erwin blushed.

“Liar,” Hange accused. “I suppose you didn’t notice how he just gave you a $300 backpack? Or how about the state-of-the-art, top of the line laptop?”

“I’m sure that he just expects me to borrow them. I’ll give them back when I have enough money to replace them.”Erwin’s protests sounded weak even to his own ears. “Besides, it’s not like he went out and bought them just for me.”

“Yeah, you’re in denial.”

“About what, exactly?”

“Nothing. I think it will be more fun to sit back and watch you try to figure it out yourself.”

——

“Erwin, you made it back,” Nile said suspiciously just a mere two weeks later. “I feel like I never see you anymore, buddy.”

“Yeah, you’re creeping me out,” Erwin said as he tied off his shoes.

“Nice backpack. You steal it or something? I know you can’t afford that brand.” Nile chuckled, letting Erwin know he was only joking.

“No, you dick, Levi’s letting me borrow it.” Erwin eyed his roommate suspiciously. Nile was going out of his way to be more friendly than usual and Marie was unusually absent in the apartment. “What are you up to?”

“Erwin, you wound me. Maybe I just wanted to hang out with my roommate on his one evening off from work.”

“We both know that’s a lie. Did you and Marie break up?”

“No, we’re doing better than ever, thank you. She’ll be over a little later. But I did need to talk to you about something.”

“You know, you could have just texted me while I was still on campus. I would have either stayed there or went home with Hange. Or you could just stay in your bedroom for once and I’ll put my headphones in and act like you two aren’t here.” Erwin was clearly exasperated.

“No, it’s not that. Though it would be nice if you can find somewhere else to hang out when Marie gets here. I hope you understood, a girl likes a little privacy.”

“Nile...the point. Get to the point of this conversation,” Erwin grit out between clenched teeth.

“I’m moving out. Marie and I have decided to get an apartment together. We were going to wait until next semester, but the apartment we want opened up and we will have to move in by next week or be put on a waitlist. You understand don’t you?”

“You’re unbelievable. I can’t afford this apartment alone. I can’t afford the penalty for breaking the lease. When we decided to become roommates, that was the deal. We wouldn’t break the lease.”

“I’m sorry Erwin, but your financial problems aren’t my responsibility. I’m sure you’ll find another roommate in no time.”

“I begged you to find something cheaper with a shorter lease, but you just had to have this place. Now I’m just going to be stuck paying your half or a penalty because the only brain you have is in your dick!” Erwin took a calming breath. “There’s no way I’ll be able to find a roommate in the middle of the semester.”

“It will be fine. You always worry too much.” Nile shrugged. “Now I have to get ready. Marie will be here any second.”

“You know what, Nile? Fuck you.” Erwin grabbed his shoes and keys and slammed the door on the way out. He pulled his phone out of his pocket, dialing Hange.

“What did he do this time?” Hange asked in way of greeting.

“I’ve been sexiled again.” Erwin answered tersely.

“I can come get you in a couple of hours. I’m going in for my lab midterm right now.”

“No, that’s okay. I completely forgot. I’ll just go for a walk or something. Thanks though, Hange.”

“Hey, whatever it is, I’ll help you all I can.”

“I know. Thanks.” Erwin disconnected the call and sat down on the steps to put on his shoes.

“And wouldn’t you know, the apartment just opened up and we’re moving in next week!” Erwin heard Marie’s excited chatter as she climbed the stairs. “I can’t wait, Mom.”

She walked past Erwin, her only acknowledgment being her annoyed sigh as she walked around him.

“Yeah, I can see why you were heartbroken over that one,” Levi deadpanned. Erwin grinned despite himself.

“Yeah, she’s...something,” was all Erwin was able to say. Politely.

“So, I take it that she’s not moving in with a different boy toy, but that pube-faced idiot you live with.”

“You would be correct.” Erwin stood time to make way for Levi, who had his arms full of groceries. “Here, let me help you with that,” he offered, taking several bags from the older man.

“Has your financial situation changed?”

“Nope, but I’m not his responsibility. I have some money in savings that I can live off of for a couple of months until I can find another roommate.”

“It’s in the middle of the semester,” Levi reminded him.

“I’m trying to be positive, Levi.”

“Well, I’m positive that Nigel is a dick. Come on, help me put the groceries away and I’ll make you dinner.”

“I couldn’t.”

“Erwin, I’m not asking. You will sit down and eat a descent meal. Don’t think I don’t know that you live off store brand canned soup and ramen. Now haul your ass.”

“Yes, sir.” Erwin followed Levi into his apartment. “Thank you, Levi. I promise I’ll start doing better. I mean, it really can’t get much worse.”

“You can’t be serious,” Erwin’s co-worker, Moses, groaned as they watched Keith Shadis have a complete meltdown during his press conference.

“Did he just say he is pulling his campaign?” Erwin was hoping he heard wrong.

“Yup. The asshole has no consideration for all the people he just unemployed.” Moses just shook his head and walked away. Erwin started making mental calculations in his head. He felt sick to his stomach. He fought back tears as he numbly swiped through help wanted ads on his phone during his bus ride home.

Not that home was much better. He tiredly drug himself through the door to the empty apartment. Most of the furniture was Nile’s. The only furniture left in the living room was the worn out coffee table and a cheap table lamp. Hange’s partner, Moblit, gave him a couple of cushions to sit on, for which he was grateful.

His bedroom was equally as spartan, with just a small card table serving as a desk and a futon pad on the floor. He didn’t bother to turn on the light as he laid his backpack on the floor. He stripped out his suit, not bothering to hang it up as was his usual habit. He laid down and curled into a small ball and told himself that everything would be better in the morning.

Even if he didn’t believe it.

——

“You could always try camming,” Hange suggested around a mouthful of pizza.

“Excuse me, what?” Erwin choked.

“You know, be an online camboy. Get paid to get off. You get enough money to pay your bills and you get the side benefit of stress relief.”

“Um, no, just no. I’m big and awkward. I feel too self conscious just having sex when the only one watching is my partner. I can’t imagine that anyone would want to pay to watch as I try to figure out the best angle to keep my hands or feet from looking too big. Besides, I don’t have much of a voyeurism kink.”

“Erwin, seriously. You spend a lot of time at the gym and you’re practically a god among men. I think plenty of people would pay to watch, right Moblit?”

“Leave me out of this,” Moblit squeaked with a blush. “If he’s not comfortable, there’s no point of pressing the issue.”

“Thank you, Moblit. I’m glad there is someone willing to defend my virtue.”

“Please, like you don’t go full-on slut for that hot doctor neighbor of yours. I’d bet he would watch your cam show.” Hange wiggles their brows.

“I’m not a full-on slut for anything. I’ll leave that role to Marie. And I told you, Levi has no interest in me, we’re just neighbors. We barely speak. Furthermore, I maintain that I’m awkward as hell at sex, and nobody wants to see that. It’s not sexy, I’m not sexy, and I have no desire to be a camboy.”

“I could point out all the flaws in your argument, but I chose to focus on the fact that you just roasted Marie like a pro, so I’ll let it slide.” Hange scooted a plate of pizza toward Erwin.

“No, thank you,” he said as he scooted it back.

“You can’t tell me you’re not hungry. I’ve seen you skipping meals,” Hange scolded.

“I can’t afford to contribute. I’ll eat some soup when I get home.” Erwin looked back down at his textbook, ignoring the glare from his best friend.

“I wasn’t asking you to contribute, I was asking you to eat. I don’t care about the 2 bucks for your portion of the pizza, Erwin. I care that you have budgeted yourself into a hunger strike. Eat the damn pizza.”

“Hange-“

“Eat the pizza, Erwin. I will not take no for an answer.” This time it was Moblit who was doing the scolding.

“Okay, but I’m keeping track. As soon as I can, I’m paying you back. I have an interview tomorrow at the fish market. They need help unloading the fish. It’s early morning before class starts so I can probably make it work.”

“Early morning? You have classes starting at 8 am. It would have to be pretty damn early,” Hange said with a frown.

“I would have to be there by 3:30. I would get off at 7, which gives me just enough time to get to campus.”

“But buses don’t run that early, Erwin. How are you going to get to work?” Moblit asked, concerned.

“I’ll have to walk. It’s only about a 45 minute walk. I’ll be able to catch the bus back to campus. I’ll shower at the gym before my first class. No big deal. But, I’ll have to get the job first.”

“Erwin, come on, there’s bound to be something better than flinging fish in the middle of the night.”

“Hange-“ Erwin was interrupted by the ringing of his phone. He excused himself and went to the kitchen to take the call. When he returned, his face was pale and ashen.

“Erwin?”

“Hange, can you take me home? I need to pack a bag and look up some flights.”

“Of course. What’s wrong?”

“That was the nursing home. My dad...he’s gone.”

——

“Levi, you cannot skip out on these fundraisers. They are for the remodel and equipment for the Trauma Division. You know, your division,” Petra scolded into his ear. Levi sighed into the phone.

“As I am aware. Why can’t it be something simple? Fill out a form or some shit? What you have concocted is a series of highly social events. I loathe being social. In fact, I’m so incredibly terrible at being social that I would probably scare away more sponsors rather than winning them over.”

“If you would bring a date, you would have a social buffer. Just make sure you pick someone pretty, good with people and can carry a conversation. You will barely have to open your mouth. Your date would do all the hard work. You know…the dreaded small talk.”

“I would rather take a beating than engage in small talk,” Levi growled through clenched teeth.

“As I am aware,” Petra sighed. “However, you are still required to attend. So, get some suits dry cleaned, find a person who can actually tolerate your grumpy ass, and suck it up buttercup. The first event is in two weeks. Surely even you can find a date by then.”

“But Petra-“

“No arguing your way out of this, Levi. See you soon.” With that, the line disconnected, leaving Levi a little agitated. He always hated it when Petra got the last word, but he did have to admit that she was right. He needed to be at these fundraisers to represent the hospital, and they so desperately needed the money.

He was contemplating who he could tolerate enough to accompany him to these events when he heard a pounding on his neighbor’s door. He hadn’t seen the tall blonde since the roommate moved out about a month prior. He had assumed everything was okay, but now…

“Erwin! I know you’re home. Open the damn door.”

Levi left the relative quiet of his apartment to see Erwin’s friend, Hange trying to beat down the door. He opened his mouth to admonish them for the noise, but Hange turned to him with a desperate look.

“Please tell me you have a spare key. He won’t open the door. I’m worried about him.”

“I don’t.” Levi walked over. “Erwin? Open the door, please. Your friend is annoying me.” When he received no answer, he tried the doorknob, which turned with ease.

“Oh, I guess I couldn’t see the forest for the trees,” Hange murmured.

[seven-seas-of-fuck-you]

Pub Meetings

Queen x reader 

American Reader lives in London, meeting new people, awkwardness

For my lovely @picking-up-the-glass​ as part of @borhapparker​ ‘s secret Santa. I hope you enjoy it as much as I had fun writing it!

Ah Christmas, the greatest time of the year. Or is it? Nah I’m just kidding it’s great! The lights, the department stores dressing up their displays like Santa’s workshop, the music no matter how catchy and annoying it may be at times. Family…

Christmas used to be like that. Before I moved to England. I had fallen in love with this beautiful dreamy, cloudy and most certainly rainy city. Christmas in London is so picturesque just like the movies. It’s already my fourth year here and I am still not over it. I pinch myself every morning. I love to walk down the endless rows of merchants in Covet Garden, looking over the endless goods some more exotic than others. I came to a stop at one stall that wasn’t there last year. No one was to be seen inside as I looked around. There were clothes of every colour and pattern, nearing a rack in the back I could hear voices.

“Bloody hell Rog. I’m telling you we need a mirror for our customers.” I hear one voice exclaim.

“I’m telling you Fred, I don’t think we do. It’s enough to carry all the clothes every week. I don’t want to carry a mirror. What if it breaks in the van?” The other voice sounds rather done with the conversation. I hear shuffling and move back to the front near the dresses.

“Hello love, if you need any help us know.” I turn to see two men, a blonde and dark brown almost black brunette. I smile at them and grab a dress that I was keen on and would go with my style.

“Thank you, I was wondering if you had a mirror. I would like to see this on.” I smile at the dark haired man who looks back at the blonde with a knowing look.

“Most unfortunate darling but we don’t have one. But I believe it would look splendid on you.” He gives me a closed lip smile that was genuine.

“Oh that’s quite alright. I do believe so as well. If you don’t mind me asking, I didn’t see your stall last year. Why is that? You have such beautiful clothes.” I ask and the blonde pipes up from the back making me move farther into the stall. There’s just something about these two that makes me feel at home. I’m not sure what it is.  

“You see we’ve been on a waitlist just to have a stall at Covet Garden. It’s very highly sought after. Every year we put in to be here and this is the first year, we’re very lucky I would say.”

“I would say as well.” I agree. I pay for the dress and learn their names. Freddie and Roger. I head back to my dorm after some more shopping around. I am greeted by my lovely room mate Kaitlyn who as I came into the flat was in a messy rush.

“Kait, what’s going on?” I called at her as she flitted from the bathroom and her room.

“There’s a band…. at the pub…. popular... we’re going.” Was all I heard as she finally settled in her room looking through her jewelry box.

“Say that again?” I manage to find a spot on the bed since it was a war zone of clothes everywhere.

“I said, there’s a band that I heard was amazing from Janet and are playing at the pub, anyone that’s popular is going to be there and we’re going.” She put on her final touches and I continued to stare at her.

“Well, aren’t you going to get ready?” She looks at me from her mirror as I am snapped out of my day dream.

“What, oh yeah. Be ready in a shake.” I leave her be to get ready. I wore my new dress and large overcoat since it was snowing out. I kept my hair the same as earlier that day, light curls with my signature bumper bags.

We arrive at the pub and it was packed. Normally there’s maybe forty people at max on the weekends, this was definitely not forty people. I manage to find us a table while Kaity goes to get us a drink. The pub is buzzing as I look up to the stage which is adorned with a drum set and some other instruments.

“It’s pretty packed aint it?” Kaity says as she sets down our drinks. Lemonade for me and a pint of beer for her.

“Yeah more than usual. What’d you say the bands name was?” I ask her and she pointed to the drum set.

“Ah, smile? Funny name.”

“Funny name good band.” She smiles and then the pub is in an uproar. I look back to the stage and four men have taken to it. I don’t recognise them at first, until the lead singer addresses the crowd.

“Hello lovelies!” I immediately smile as I see both Freddie and Roger. I don’t know the other two. Freddie scans the crowd and he stops when our eyes meet. He smiles even bigger and starts to perform.

Oh my God they are amazing! Their energy, Freddie’s energy. He just commands that stage, I couldn’t take my eyes off of his for a second. The way he plays off of the others like a well oiled machine. When they finish and leave the stage I feel sad.

“Oh wow they were amazing!” Kaitlyn exclaims as people start filing out of the pub. We stay seated at our table.

“Yeah they were. So amazing!” I agree with her as more people continue to leave.

“Y’know I did see a certain singer keep looking at you.” Kaitlyn says. I look at her like she’s lost her mind.

“You’re joking! Besides I don’t think he’s my type.” I smack her arm.

“Who’s not your type?” My head couldn’t have turned faster. I look up to see none other than Freddie standing over me and Kaitlyn. She is beyond shocked while I am now more amused.

“Well, you. I would say you’re not my type. But maybe your Kaits type. Huh Kait?” The mention of her name has her attention as she starts blushing and giving me the ‘I’ll kill you’ look. Freddie simply laughs and grabs a nearby chair to join us.

“May I?” He asks before he sits with a beer.

“Of course!” Kaitlyn exclaims and I scoot my chair to make room, “By the way I’m Kaitlyn and this is Y/N.”

“Pleasure is all mine Kaitlyn, Y/N I told you that dress would look lovely on you.” Freddie takes a sip of his beer. I nod in agreement. Kaitlyn however looks confused.

“I feel as though I’m missing something.”

“Oh, I met Freddie earlier today when I was out shopping. They have a stall over in Covent Garden.” Kaitlyn simply says ‘oh’

So what did you think of our show?” Freddie asks both of us to try to break the air I go to answer but Kaitlyn beats me to it. We sit and talk for what seems like hours. We notice that the pub is trying to close.

“Well ladies this has been an absolute pleasure.” Freddie kisses both of our hands after we step outside.

“Agreed.” I say.

“Maybe we can all meet up again. I’ll even bring the boys for you to meet. We could go get coffee?” Freddie asks hopefully. Me and Kaitlyn both look at each other then nod.

“That sounds great. How about next week?” I ask.

“Sounds amazing” We part ways and I could tell that this was the start of something wonderful.

[thenovelartist]

Second Chances, Chapter 22

First<< Last< >Next

Red was her color. He swore she stole the breath straight from his lungs every time she answered the door dressed in a red blouse or red skirt or red dress. This time was no exception in an adorable blouse and pencil skirt that was enhanced by a thick belt showing off her thin waist. There had to be at least three different reds in that little number plus the red ribbons falling from her half-updo.

“You are going to kill me,” he said, his voice a bit breathy.

She snorted. “Flatterer.”

“I’m dead serious,” he swore. “You look absolutely adorable, and I all I want to do tonight is show you off. Because there have to be very few men in the world who get to parade around with a woman as stunning you.”

Her cheeks turned yet another shade of red. But his were burning, too, so she wasn’t alone. “I’m serious,” he repeated.

She bit her red lip—honestly, how many shades of red could this woman be wearing yet still look completely put together—and looked up at him with brilliantly blue eyes shadowed by a thick curtain of long lashes. “Thank you,” she whispered. “That’s very sweet.”

He held his hand out for her to take, then led her down the stairs to his car.

“Where are we going tonight?” She asked. “You never told me.”

“A place I don’t go often, yet very much enjoy.”

She quirked a brow at him. “That doesn’t narrow it down.”

“Well, maybe I want it to be a surprise.”

Her smile grew and her eyes sparkled with playfulness. “All right.”

He started the car and braced for her new favorite habit: resting her hand on his knee. Tonight was no exception. Her hand found his knee within moments of him pulling out of the parking space.

When he got to a stoplight, he plucked her hand from his leg, holding in gently in his own. “You love distracting me, don’t you?”

She cocked her head in feigned innocence. “I haven’t the slightest idea what you’re talking about.”

He smirked and shook his head at her. Her smile widened. He pressed a lingering kiss to her knuckles before placing her hand back in her own lap.

She hit him with a flirty smirk that would have knocked him off his feet had he been standing, and then she tapped his nose in a way that completely stopped his heart. “Green light.”

For what? He then turned to look at the light, only to see it shining bright green to go. He put his foot to the gas all while his cheeks were burning.

Her hand found his knee again and squeezed. He sighed. She chuckled.

No matter how much she tormented him, he loved that woman.

He parked the car in the street, then walked hand in hand with Marinette to the restaurant he had planned taking her to.

She gasped. “There’s, like, a month-long waitlist for this place.”

“I know,” he said. “I’ve had this planned for at least that long.”

Her blue eyes were wide as she stared at him.

He smiled, pulling her hand up to his lips. “Only the best for my lady.” He pressed a kiss to the back of her hand.

She then gave him the softest look he could imagine. “Thank you. It’s… wow.”

“That’s what I say every time I see you.”

He could tell a blush was crawling across her cheeks, and he took pride knowing that he was the one to do that to her.

Dinner was delicious. They decided to share their two entrees between them, as was slowly becoming their custom. He decided her entrée was the better dish, but she liked his choice better.

“We’re a pair, aren’t we?” he joked.

But her smile was sweet. She reached across the table to place a hand over his. “Yeah. I like us.”

He grinned so wide his cheeks hurt.

He reluctantly took her home. He never liked parting with her, and he hoped that sometime in the near future, he wouldn’t have to.

They got to the door, and Marinette herself looked like she didn’t even want to touch it.

“Marinette,” he said quietly, drawing her attention.

She leaned closer. “Hmm?”

“You should know,” he said, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her close, “that I love you.”

The words clearly caught her off guard, but he felt those words were long overdue.

Slowly, her surprise morphed to something softer, sweeter, happier. “I love you, too,” she whispered.

His grin was wide and so happy. He was so happy. He wasted no time laying a kiss on her lips.

She was quick to join him, reaching up to wrap her arms over his neck and grab his hair to pull him closer, closer, closer until she was practically flush against him and their lips were firmly locked.

Four, five, six kisses later, Adrien pulled away to press his forehead to hers. “I love you,” he repeated.

“I love you, too.”

He squeezed her tightly, a smile splitting his face in two. “I don’t want to let you go. Ever.”

“I know,” she agreed. “I don’t either.”

He gave her one last squeeze, then placed a firm kiss to her forehead before forcing himself to let her go.

She pouted as he backed away, yet she still pulled her keys from her purse to unlock the door. “Goodnight,” she said.

“Goodnight.”

“Text me.”

“I promise.”

She smiled, then walked inside, officially ending their time together.

Until tomorrow.

…

“What’s wrong?”

Marinette jumped from her skin. She whipped around to see Adrien directly behind her.

“You practically slammed that oven door,” he commented. “And have been storming around the kitchen since I got home. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” she dismissed.

He scoffed. “Yeah, I believe that.”

“Really,” she countered. “Nothing. Just… nothing.”

Adrien boxed her in against the counter. “Marinette,” he said. “Please don’t lie to me.”

She shrugged. “Nothing you need to concern yourself with.”

“If it’s bothering you, of course I need to concern myself with it.”

The sincerity in his voice surprised her.

“What’s wrong?”

She sighed. She couldn’t counter him. “I’m just worried about crossing paths with Sabrina tonight. That’s all.”

“You don’t have to be here,” he said.

No, she didn’t. He’d told her many times throughout the week that she didn’t have to stay for dinner. That she could just take a portion of dinner for the night and be on her way before Sabrina came. Yet, it didn’t feel right to leave. “I’m staying,” she quietly said.

“Okay,” he said. “I would like if you did.”

“You always like when I do.”

“I do.”

How his forehead found way to hers, she didn’t know, nor did she know how her hands found themselves on his shoulders. Probably the same way his hands found their way to her hips.

“I should finish dinner,” she whispered.

“Okay,” he said. He leaned forward to place a peck on her lips. “Thank you, Marinette. I very much appreciate that you made dinner tonight and that I’m very proud of you for staying.”

She smiled.

He pulled away to let her finish dinner. She was far more relaxed, happily making her way around the kitchen to finish preparing dinner while simultaneously cleaning up, but a knock on the door sent Marinette on edge again.

No matter how hard she tried, she really didn’t feel prepared to see Sabrina again.

And when she turned around to greet her, she knew she wasn’t prepared, but it was too late to back out.

“Hi,” Sabrina said, her tone betraying just how uncomfortable she was, as well.

“Hi,” Marinette said, giving an awkward wave.

“I haven’t seen you since we graduated. How’ve you been? I mean, besides um…” she quickly grew abashed. “I heard of that… I’m sorry.”

“Thank you,” Marinette said. “I’m becoming okay again. You?”

“Good,” Sabrina said. “I’ve been good.”

And that’s about as far as they got.

Thankfully, Emma came scampering down the stairs. “Marinette, look—” She instantly froze in place upon seeing Sabrina.

“Emma,” Adrien said, kneeling down next to her. “This is Miss Sabrina. She knew you when you were really little.”

“Hi Emma,” Sabrina said, bending over. “It’s very nice to see you. You’ve grown up so much.”

Emma just waved, then scampered over to Marinette and hid in her skirt.

Marinette’s heart swelled. She placed a comforting hand on Emma’s head.

Dinner itself was a little awkward. Emma stayed close to Marinette while Adrien and Sabrina tried to keep conversation going. Marinette did her best to be mature and add to the conversation, but it wasn’t easy. Emma herself was very quiet, only speaking when spoken to. It was clear she was uncomfortable. She didn’t open up like she had when talking to Marinette’s parents for the first time, but at least, she was polite.

After dinner, Emma quickly retreated to her room.

“I’m going to check up on her,” Adrien said. “I’ll be right back.”

Leaving Sabrina and Marinette alone.

“I’m sorry.”

Sabrina’s words caught Marinette off guard. “Pardon.”

“Chloe and I were so horrible for you for no reason,” she said. “And I’m so sorry for being so mean to you.”

Marinette blinked, absorbing her words. “Thank you,” she said.

Sabrina gave her a small smile and nodded. “It’s long overdue.”

“I forgive you,” she said. “Nathaniel forgave you and Chloe a while ago. Without him, I don’t think I would have let it go as quickly as I did.”

“Thanks,” Sabrina said.

A small silence slipped between them, but it wasn’t as tense before.

“I’m glad you’re here for them,” Sabrina started. “For Adrien and Emma.”

“I’m happy to be here for them, too,” Marinette said.

“Adrien says you two are dating.”

Marinette paused, but she couldn’t disagree. “Yeah. We are.”

“He seems really happy about it.”

“I am, too,” Marinette said. “It’s… hard learning how to do this again, you know?”

“I’m sure,” she said.

“But it’s… it’s good.”

“Good,” Sabrina said. “Emma seems to really like you, too.”

Marinette’s heart warmed. “Yeah,” she said, almost dream-like. “She’s so precious. I was so hesitant to take on Chloe’s daughter, but… Emma is the best. I love her.”

Sabrina’s smile grew. “I’m sure Emma’s name isn’t lost on you.”

“It’s not,” Marinette said.

“Chloe was always jealous of you,” Sabrina said. “She always wondered how you could be so happy and wanted whatever you had that made you that way. I’m not saying that’s an excuse to why she treated you the way she did, but I’m saying that’s why.”

Marinette paused upon realizing her words. “What?”

Sabrina nodded. “Yeah. So when she overheard you telling someone one day what you wanted the names of your kids to be, she couldn’t help stealing one.”

Marinette completely froze as her mind slowly processed her words.

“Sorry,” Adrien said, reappearing in the kitchen. “Emma kinda hid herself away in her room.”

“That’s fine,” Sabrina said. “I understand. It was just so nice to see her again. She’s so much like Chloe, but I can see you in her, too.”

Adrien grinned, but Marinette saw how pained it was. “There are days I see nothing but Chloe in her and it kinda blows my mind.”

Sabrina nodded. “I think it’s time I took my leave,” she said. “Thank you so much for having me over. And thank you for dinner Marinette. It was delicious.”

“Thank you,” Marinette said. “It was nice to see you. And I’m not just saying that.”

Sabrina’s eyes brightened. “It was nice getting to see you, too.”

Adrien saw Sabrina out the door while Marinette began cleaning up. She had removed all the dishes from the table by the time Adrien returned. “That went very well,” he said.

“It did,” Marinette agreed. “Surprisingly.”

She could feel the smile Adrien was shooting her, and she pointedly avoided eye contact.

“I see what you’re doing,” he commented.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

She peeked at him out of the corner of her eye, and she saw just how big his smile was.

And that’s when he shifted, wrapping his arms around her waist from behind and pressing his face into the side of her head. She giggled.

“I’ve got the dishes,” he said, pulling her away from the sink.

“Adrien,” she warned, though her smile was growing.

“Hmm?” he hummed innocently.

“Let me wash my hands at least.”

He froze, then released her. He didn’t hover far, though, ready to grab her and pull her away again.

“I have to do those at sometime, though.”

“They can wait until morning.”

She sighed.

And that’s when Emma came patting back down into the kitchen. They stole a quick glance at each other before turning down to Emma. “It’s almost bedtime,” Marinette said, kneeling down before her. “Meaning you are going to need a bath.”

“Do you want me or Marinette to help you?” Adrien asked.

Emma looked back and forth between Marinette and Adrien, her smile pressed into the back of Plagg’s head. “Marinette.”

“Okay,” Adrien said with a grin. “Marinette will give you a bath and then we can read a story afterwards.”

“Okay.” With that, she scampered up the stairs.

Adrien playfully tapped her hip. “Go on. I’ve got the dishes.”

She gave him a smile. “Fine. You win.”

He gave her a proud, winner’s grin that made her laugh.

After the bath, Emma settled on her daddy’s lap in the middle of her bed. But that was only after Marinette joined them.

Adrien read one chapter then Marinette read another. After that, the book was closed, much to Emma’s disappointment. Still, she crawled under the covers as Adrien placed Plagg and Tikki around her. “Goodnight, Emma,” he said, giving her a hug.

“Goodnight, Daddy.”

Then it was Marinette’s turn to collect her hug.

“Goodnight, Mommy.”

Marinette froze again. She struggled to find words. “Why do you think I’m mommy?”

“Because you’re just like mama bear in the book,” she said. “Daddy’s papa bear, and you’re mama bear, just like I’m little bear.”

Her heart felt like it was being yanked around inside her chest, and her smile was warbly. “I can’t be your mommy, Emma,” she started.

Emma’s excitement immediately disappeared.

“Because,” Adrien jumped in. “Mama bear is married to papa bear, but Marinette and I aren’t married, so she can’t be your mommy.”

“Why not?” she whined. “I want a mommy.”

Marinette’s heart was breaking into little, tiny shards at this point. “I’m sorry, Emma. I’m not your mommy.”

With a cry, Emma flopped down on the bed and buried her face into Plagg’s head. Adrien shushed her, and Marinette tucked her in.

“Mommy,” Emma cried.

If Marinette’s heart wasn’t shattered beyond repair beforehand, it was now. “Good night, sweetheart.”

“Mommy,” Emma whined one last time as Marinette forced herself out the door. She shut it, only to hear a new round of tears start up. Adrien was leaning against the wall, his eyes shut and head back. Marinette just stood guilty. Emma didn’t understand. She couldn’t. Yet Marinette felt like one of the mort horrible people to walk the face of the earth for doing this to her.

“I think,” Adrien said, finally turning his head to look at her. “We need to talk.”

Marinette simply nodded her agreement. She followed Adrien down to the living room. She took a seat on the couch, him following suit. They need to have a heart-to-heart, only neither knew what to say.

“I didn’t want to have to make this decision right now,” Adrien finally said, “for your sake. But I know Emma, and she’s not going to stop calling you mom so easily. And I… I’m sorry, but I can’t let her believe you’re mom if…”

“I know,” Marinette assured. He didn’t need to finish. “She’s not even five, yet. She doesn’t understand. Nor will she understand if I become her mom figure and then…” She couldn’t say it. She couldn’t finish that sentence.

But Adrien nodded in understanding. He reached out and grabbed her hand. “So here are my cards on the table,” he said, giving her hand a squeeze and looking her straight into the eye. “I’m not dating you just for the sake of dating. I’m absolutely pursuing you with the intent of marrying you.”

Somehow, those words sent her heart thundering in her ears. She swallowed hard as her vision grew blurry. Wedding. Marriage. A life with him.

A new last name.

Her chest felt tighter by the moment, and she couldn’t tell if it was fear or excitement or some other emotion or some insane mix of all the above. She just didn’t know.

“I know what we have is… well, not quite new,” he said. “But it is fragile, and I know we are taking it slow because you’re still in the healing process, and I fully respect that. But…” Adrien sighed. “I don’t know how to approach this.”

“I know what you’re saying,” she said, her voice weak and whispery. “I understand and agree and…” she swallowed. “I know that Emma comes first,” she said. “I know that Emma doesn’t understand. But I know… I know I either need to be mom or I need to walk out of her life right now. I won’t get that girl’s hopes up, only to crush them in the end.”

They sat in a long silence, the reality of it very heavy. Marinette felt as though the world was on her shoulders because this wasn’t only just deciding if she wanted to be a mommy to Emma. This was them deciding where their relationship was going to go. Marinette felt like it was still too early to call it, but sadly, this was the definitive line. And it was all on her shoulders. Adrien had made his intentions perfectly clear. Now, it was her turn.

“You at least have the weekend,” Adrien said, his voice quiet. “Think it over.”

“I’ll try not to keep you waiting,” she said.

“I appreciate it.”

…

Sleep didn’t help. In all honestly, she felt like she’d been hit with a sack of bricks when she woke. The world was on her shoulders, and she’d cried herself dry last night.

She forced herself up and barely made it to her desk.

Where Nathaniel’s ring lay.

The sight was nearly enough to make her break into tears again.

She’d spent a good portion of the night awake. Wide awake, her body jacked on adrenaline and anxiety and excitement and who knows what else. One moment, she felt like she could move forward, the next she was reminded that moving forward meant Adrien would be her second husband, which felt like replacing her first husband, and she really hated how cheap it made the term ‘husband’ sound when Nathaniel had been so much more than something she was just shopping for or trying to replace and—

She reached for a tissue and immediately broke into tears.

She didn’t know what to do. There was a little girl who loved her enough to call her mommy and a man who treated her like a queen and she was held back by a man who had adored her but was no longer in her life.

The grief books didn’t offer any help to what one was supposed to do in this situation.

She didn’t make it downstairs until well into the morning.

“I was wondering when you’d be up,” her mother said. “It isn’t like you to slee—what’s wrong?”

Marinette plopped down at the table, a pitiful smile flashing across her face. Nothing escaped her mother’s notice. “Emma called me mommy last night,” she whispered weakly.

Her maman paused, then slowly came over to take a seat at the table. “And?”

Marinette bit her lip.

Maman place a hand over her daughter’s arm in comfort.

“I can’t be her mommy,” Marinette began, her voice warbling with tears, “unless I marry her daddy. And… I’m not…”

Before she could burst into tears, Sabine stood to wrap her daughter in a hug. “Oh, sweetheart.”

“I just… I don’t know,” she cried. “I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know.”

The tears now flowed freely. Sabine didn’t let Marinette go until the tears finally began to slow.

Eventually, Marinette calmed enough for Sabine to let go. “I only have the weekend,” she said, wiping tears from her eyes with the heels of her hands. “I have to decide because I’m not going to go back if I’m not going to be Emma’s mommy because I just can’t do that to her.”

“Marinette,” her mother warned. “It’s too late. You are Emma’s mommy in her eyes. You leaving is still going to hurt her. It just won’t allow her to grow any more attached.”

Marinette felt absolutely sick to her stomach. “I… I never thought…”

“You’d become her mommy?”

“Yeah.”

Sabine patted her arm. “I knew you’d become close to her,” Sabine said. “When you started this job, I knew you’d be a fantastic nanny. But as time went on, I noticed how attached you got to her, and from your stories, I could tell she was getting attached to you, too. And then you finally brought her over for the Christmas party, and I saw the way she interacted with you. She looked up to you like you were her mom already.”

“I love her,” Marinette admitted. “She’s… she’s so precious and I love watching her learn and grow and going on adventures together—”

“You love being her mother.”

Her words gave Marinette pause, but she couldn’t deny them. “Exactly.”

Her mother gave her a knowing smile. “Then that’s not really what this is about, is it?” her mother pressed. “This is about your relationship with Adrien.”

Marinette bit her lip. “He said he wants to marry me,” she told her. “And somewhere in my mind, I knew that.”

“But Nathaniel,” her maman finished.

Marinette nodded.

“Marinette,” she began. “You know that you two don’t have to get married right away like you and Nathaniel did. For now, you are slowly taking in the fact you are in a relationship, and you’re letting that relationship bloom. And that’s okay. The question shouldn’t be ‘are you ready to marry him’ but instead ‘can you see yourself marrying him’? Can you see a life and a future ahead? That’s the question you should ask yourself and answer.” With that, Maman stood and pressed a kiss to the top of Marinette’s head. “And when you answer that, then you’ll know what to do.”

Her maman was halfway out of the apartment when Marinette spoke up. “But what if Adrien and I don’t work? What if we break up down the line.”

Sabine turned to give Marinette a doubtful look. “I seem to remember a young bride on her wedding day who was breathing into a paper bag, terrified that she was too young to be married and wondered if her marriage would last.”

Marinette blushed bright red.

“You know what makes me so certain you two aren’t going to break up?”

Marinette shook her head.

“The fact that you already are a family.” With that, Sabine walked out the door.

Leaving Marinette to think heavily about her words.

[optimisticsprinkles]

[CLEAN VERSION] Soul Searching, Ch.30

Sexual situations redacted.

If you’ve read the story until now, you’ll note that sexuality in the past has been referenced but not explicit. That’s the level I’m going for in the clean version, as well.

I’m including a brief non-explicit description when context is necessary.

Original version on AO3 here.

Chapter 30: Graduation

The day of Rey’s graduation dawned bright and sunny without a single cloud in the sky.

“Do you think Luke will make it?” Rey asked anxiously as Leia helped her with her earrings — they’d gotten her ears pierced as part of her eighteenth birthday, but Rey still tended to fumble the tiny backs.

“I just checked his flight, and it’s still on time. He’ll be here.”

“Okay.”

“You just concentrate on not tripping.”

Rey made a face, and Leia laughed and hugged her.

“You’ll be fine. Now go on, you don’t want to be late.”

Rey was meeting her friends for a pre-graduation breakfast. They’d been planning it for weeks, since they all had family in town and would be too busy to get together after the ceremony.

Never mind that they had all summer to hang out. This morning was special.

Leia followed her into the living room. “You have your cap and gown? Purse? Keys?”

Rey nodded and grabbed her purse and keys from the table by the door. “Cap and gown are already in the car.”

Han poked his head out of the kitchen. “Don’t trip!”

Rey grinned at him. “Leia already beat you to that one.”

Han glowered and grumbled.

Leia kissed just beside Rey’s cheek, a courtesy Rey noticed whenever Leia wore lipstick. “We’ll see you after the ceremony.”

Rey nodded, butterflies in her stomach. “Okay. See you there.”

“I love your dress,” Lusica said as soon as Rey dropped into the booth beside her.

Rey grinned and adjusted the handkerchief hem of her skirt so it wasn’t bunched beneath her. It was navy blue and had an unobtrusive floral motif. “Thank you. I love yours, too.” Where Rey’s dress was light and summery, Lusica’s black party dress showed off cleavage that was definitely the work of a push-up bra. Rey hadn’t bothered with a bra, since she had almost nothing to push up. Even with the low V of her neckline, nothing showed so long as she didn’t bend over in front of anyone.

Rose arrived in a cream blouse and khaki pencil skirt, looking far more polished than Rey was used to seeing her. She had a very defined waist, and she and Rey had worked together to try and figure out enough about fashion not to embarrass themselves in college. Lusica and Kaydel had helped, and Leia had assisted with more than one disastrous attempt. This outfit was very clearly Paige's influence, just as Finn's was something his mom had picked out -- he tagged along behind Rose in a white button-down, tie, and dark pants.

Kaydel and Thomas arrived hand-in-hand, heads bent close. Thomas' graduation had been two days prior, and Rey had accompanied Kaydel and some of their other friends to sit with his dad and little sister and cheer when Thomas walked across the stage. Today, he would be sitting with Kaydel’s family.

The two of them were practically engaged. Rey didn’t know what their plans were — they’d applied to the same colleges and settled on one over the others because Kaydel had gotten an amazing scholarship, but they hadn’t talked to anyone about their plans beyond that. Rey didn’t know if they planned to get married or live together or wait for any of that or what.

And, well, it was their business and not her place to pry. She’d hated it when people had pried about her and… and Ben.

She blinked away a bit of sudden mistiness and grabbed a menu for something else to focus on, taking a deep breath and letting it slowly out.

Best that she not think about him, even though she felt his inevitable return in the air like an approaching storm. Would it be days? Weeks? A month? He hadn’t been specific, and that frustrated her. She needed an exact time, needed to know when the suspense would end.

Kaydel and Thomas slid into the booth, their hands separating as Kaydel slid in beside Rey and Thomas slid in beside Finn. If Rey had thought, she would have sat across from Lusica so the couple could sit together, but it was too late now, and they didn’t seem to mind. They were still connected, even if their hands weren’t.

It had been a while since Rey had felt jealous of the two of them, and seeing them now, the way they looked at each other, she ducked her eyes back to her menu to avoid intruding on something that felt private.

They had a sweet kind of wholesomeness around them that made Rey’s heart hurt, but it wasn’t because she begrudged them their happiness. She’d just never had that with Ben. Her relationship with him had always been fraught with secrets and lies and hidden longing. Nothing like the open adoration between her two friends.

They were practically the poster couple for soulmates.

And she and Ben were… the dark underbelly, maybe?

Finn kicked her lightly under the table, and Rey snapped her gaze up to his. He raised a brow, which meant he knew exactly what she’d been dwelling on. He'd told her once that she had a look she got when she was brooding about Ben, a look she never got about anything else.

“How’s the MIT wooing going?” he asked, one of his arms slung casually around Rose.

Rey sighed and rested her chin on the edge of her menu. “Still waitlisted. I’m starting to worry I’ll have to make good on that Caltech offer I accepted. We sent my final grades to MIT yesterday, and we have a phone interview scheduled, but I think that was more because of Leia than me. She’s really good at convincing people to do things.”

“Caltech is really good, though,” said Rose enthusiastically. “You could do a lot worse.”

Rey nodded. “It wouldn’t be the end of the world.”

“You’ll get an amazing tan,” Lusica said, nudging Rey with her elbow. She was going to the same state school as Poe. Her grades weren’t good enough for Ivy League, but state had a decent MBA program, and Leia had, after seeing Lusica’s fundraising skills for herself this past year, pulled her aside to talk about pursuing a business degree in marketing and administration. It had apparently made an impression.

Rey smiled. “The weather in California is supposed to be gorgeous.”

“There you go,” said Finn. “You hate snow.” He was going to state, too. He’d gotten an excellent scholarship, almost a full ride, and his mom had been so proud, she'd cried.

Rose, on the other hand, was headed to Paige’s university. Rey didn’t know if she and Finn had talked yet about what that meant for them. They had the whole summer together, so she supposed they could be putting it off until their time ran out.

“Okay,” Rey said, opening her menu. “I need enough whipped cream and waffles to put me in a coma.”

The volume at the table rose as everyone talked over each other, trying to decide what to order, and Rey let herself be swept away by collective the excitement.

They were about to graduate.

Ben dropped his bag and slumped into his mother’s embrace when he arrived, weary in more than just body. “How is she?” he asked.

She held him tighter. “You have some work to do.”

He let out a breath and pulled away. “I’m not afraid of work.”

“Hard work,” she clarified.

That tugged a slight smile out of him. After receiving Rey’s multiple angry letters, he knew exactly how much of an uphill battle it would be. “Nothing worth having is easy.”

His mother reached up and cupped his cheek, her brown eyes tender. “Just don’t blow her off again. Women hate that.”

Ben nodded, too tired to make a verbal response. He’d talked about that already, in detail, with his uncle.

Luke came up from behind and made to clap Ben on the shoulder before aborting the motion and adjusting his bag instead. They'd returned on the same flight, side-by-side, on purpose.

Luke had sent Ben a few written overtures of reconciliation, and Ben had had the space and time to consider his reply. Eventually, in one of his lowest and loneliest moments, he did reply. They’d corresponded until Luke had asked if he could see Ben on his annual trip to Europe, and Ben had cautiously agreed.

The visit had been intensely awkward, but they’d talked, and Ben had found himself using the skills he’d been discussing during his phone sessions with Dr. Statura. Active listening, “I feel” statements instead of accusations, all that conflict-management shit.

It hadn’t fixed everything, and he and Luke were not in a good place, but they were talking and that was better than they’d been in over a decade. They’d even gone to see Ben’s grandfather together, and he’d met the infamous Anakin Skywalker.

Ben hadn’t known what to expect from a war criminal who’d loved his soulmate so much he’d lost his mind at her death, but the reality was an old man with hard eyes and an eerily mechanical voice from one of those little devices that helped long-time smokers talk.

Anakin had greeted Luke and examined Ben with strange intensity as Luke introduced him. After a moment of silence, he’d said, “He looks like my mother.”

It had been the only comment Anakin had made to or about Ben for the entire the visit, despite Luke’s attempts to include him in the conversation. Ben had sat and listened to the father and son catch up, and he’d wondered if this was what he might become if he ever lost Rey.

A broken, bitter old monster.

When they’d left, Ben had asked Luke why he hadn’t mentioned Ben’s soulmate.

Luke had considered the question carefully as they’d walked from the holding facility in South Holland. “It didn’t seem like my place,” he’d finally replied.

Things between them had eased further after that, so that when Luke suggested they fly back home together, Ben packed his things and switched his ticket for a few days earlier than planned. Luke needed to get home on time for Rey’s graduation ceremony, which was how Ben found himself in the back seat of his mother’s car smelling like airplane and worrying about the wrinkles in his suit so that he wouldn’t worry about the much more daunting prospect of watching Rey walk with a bunch of kids Ben could have gladly never seen again in a room full of his old colleagues.

And it wasn’t like he could disappear into the crowd, being half a foot taller than almost everyone in town.

Maybe he could hide behind Chewie.

Luke looked back at him and gave him a sympathetic smile. “Hey. Just remember what we talked about on the plane. It could be worse.”

Ben snorted, and Luke’s eyes danced.

Ben had been increasingly nervous in Amsterdam, jiggling his leg as they’d waited for takeoff. In a moment of self-doubt, he’d reached out to his uncle for reassurance. “Do you think she’ll forgive me?”

Luke had considered the question gravely. “I think she will. I wouldn’t be sure if you weren’t soulmates, but that’s what makes soulmates special. They stand by each other through thick and thin.”

Ben had grimaced. “Except when they leave the country, I suppose.”

Luke had waved him off. “You leaving the country was… unorthodox. But it was still you trying to do what’s best for her. The instinct is there, kid.” Luke had nudged him with his elbow. “That instinct is going to motivate you to try and fix the things you did botch. And I guarantee you she has the same instincts. She wants you to make things right just as much as you want to make them right.”

Ben had tried not to let that go too much to his head, but the crumb of hope had his expectations mushrooming out of control. “How do I do that? How do I fix… anything?”

Luke had shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m not a crystal ball or an advice column. I’m not going to give you a list of steps. Just be ready to put the work in. Listen to her, and pay attention. Let her yell at you. And for God’s sake,” Luke had added, leaning in and lowering his voice, “don’t interrupt. Women hate that.”

“Says the lifelong bachelor,” Ben had replied with an eyeroll.

Luke had given him a look. “Says the guy who fucked up with his soulmate even worse than you have. I didn’t just fail her, I failed her son. And I swear to you, Ben, Leia loves you more than Han and me put together. She’d do anything for you. And she still eventually forgave me.” Luke had spread his hands, and Ben had looked away to hide his expression. He hadn't realized just how much he’d needed to hear that his mother loved him. “The soulmate bond won’t let you hate each other. Not forever.” Then Luke had tugged at his lap belt to make sure he was buckled in tight enough, an indication of the same kind of anxiety Han showed whenever he had to board a plane someone else was flying. “But that doesn’t mean you can sit on your laurels. You have to do your own heavy lifting. But you’re up for it. I can tell.”

Ben had considered for a long while, looking out his window at the baggage crew finishing up their task. “Are other soulmates as fucked up as the ones in our family?”

Luke had sighed and shrugged. “Who’s to say? People hide a lot of their drama from the outside world. But I do think our family has more than its share.”

It seemed unfair, and his voice had come out too sulky for even his taste. “Why?”

Luke had laughed. “Well. We don’t really make small mistakes in this family. We swing for the fences, and it doesn’t always turn out well. As for why we do that…” Luke had scratched his beard. “Both the Skywalkers and the Solos are proud and stubborn. We don’t like to lose, but we’re always taking risks. Your dad’s businesses, your mom’s work in the Senate, my camp. Go big or go home. That should be the family motto.” He’d shrugged. “You come by it honestly, Ben. You might have, ah, ‘fucked up,' but you’re not the first in this family to do so and you won’t be the last.” Luke had given him a self-deprecating smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “You’re not even the worst.”

“You’re right,” Ben had said and had seen a flash of pain cross his uncle’s face. “That medal goes to Grandpa.”

Luke had burst out laughing, hearty guffaws that drew stares. “Hoo!” he’d said when the laughter subsided, rubbing tears away with his non-robotic hand. “That is true. Neither of us has committed genocide.”

“Something to be proud of,” Ben had agreed, straight-faced.

Luke had chuckled some more. “Yes indeed.” A few more chuckles. “Goodness, the bar in this family is low.”

“Mm. Makes it easier for the rest of us to hurdle it.”

Ben’s mother met his eye in the rearview mirror and cocked a bemused eyebrow. “I’m glad to see you two getting along.”

He shrugged. “Better than we were,” he assured her.

Ben had not looked forward to seeing his dad again. He’d realized, during his self-imposed exile, how good it felt not to be constantly irritated by Han, and the prospect of returning to that dynamic made his stomach twist into knots.

“Boundaries,” Dr. Statura had said. “And open communication.”

Which had sounded a lot easier when his dad was an ocean away.

Ben let Han grab him in a hug and slap his back, and only sighed in annoyance when he said, “Done traipsing around Europe?”

Ben had to bite back a retort about how there had been no “traipsing.” A parking lot was not the place for <i>that</i> discussion.

Lando smoothly offered Ben his hand, and Ben took it and nodded politely before being lifted off his feet by a bear hug from behind.

Ben grunted, and Chewie said, “Dobro pozhalovat' domoy.”

“Rad tebya videt',” Ben replied as his uncle set him back on his feet.

Chewie beamed down at him. “Tvoy aktsent uluchshilsya!”

His accent had gotten a little better, it was true. “I went through Moscow,” Ben demurred. “Gave me a chance to practice.”

Chewie spread his arms and mock-furrowed his brow, gesturing at himself. “A ty ne mozhesh' delat' eto zdes'?”

Ben tilted his head, pretending to consider as he fought to keep his lips from twitching. “With real Russians.”

Chewie’s dramatic gasp was everything Ben could have wished, as was the way his uncle clutched at his chest and looked around at the others as if to make sure they’d all witnessed Ben’s flagrant impertinence.

Luke covered his mouth but his shoulders shook with suppressed laughter, and Lando smirked, ever urbane.

Han clapped his best friend on the back. “Kid got you, Chewie.”

Chewie muttered and lifted a fist with his thumb between his middle and index fingers. Ben snorted at the rude gesture.

It was nice to be home.

“Is it straight?” Rey asked Finn before he headed to his spot in line.

He nudged her cap a little to the left. “Now it is. Mine?”

Rey beamed up at him. “Yours is perfect.”

He began to back up. “I will see you after, yeah?”

“Definitely.”

“Don’t trip!”

Rey rolled her eyes and called, “Why does everyone keep saying that?!”

He grinned and shrugged, and then they were too far apart to say anything more.

Ben’s heart tried to thump its way out of his chest when his mother nudged him and pointed Rey out. From this distance, she was just the second face among the sea of teenagers entering to “Pomp and Circumstance,” but he was about ready to jump out of his skin. It was like his whole body was vibrating with the need to go over there and touch her and make sure she was real.

He gripped the edge of the bleacher to hold himself still, and his mother took his arm as if she knew.

He tried not to let any of it show. He’d seen at least one face in the crowd turn his way with a frown before the ceremony started, and he didn’t want to give anyone the satisfaction of watching him come apart at the seams.

But he couldn’t help staring. She and the person in front of her climbed the stage and sat by the principal and vice principal, so at least Ben was staring in the same direction as everyone else. He felt as if his whole soul was trying to crawl out through his eyes and slink across the floor to her.

And then the music faded.

And she stood up.

And approached the podium.

And spoke.

Ben gripped the bleacher so hard it creaked, and his mother dug her fingers painfully into his arm, bringing him back to himself.

He’d forgotten her voice.

It was… indescribable.

The things it did, the things it made him want. Only his mother’s presence at his side kept him from losing himself completely to that voice.

He shouldn’t have come here. These fuckers were going to dangle Rey in front of him and then make him sit through an entire fucking graduation ceremony.

He was in hell.

And then he focused on her words, and his heart clenched. He sat forward, leaning his elbows on his knees, and covered his mouth with his hands.

She was thanking people. Her friends, of course, but also his parents — for taking her in, for being there, for caring about her. Her voice wavered with emotion, and she was looking at her notes. She hadn’t looked their way once, clearly didn’t know where they were sitting, and he hoped she didn’t take the time to search them out. Instinctively, he knew it would fluster her to see him, and he didn’t want to spoil her speech.

She only spoke for maybe three minutes, made a joke that got a smattering of friendly laughter, then wrapped it up and wished everyone well.

When she finished and sat down and the principal stood to give his speech, Ben wanted to leave the room. The problem was that she would see him if he stood up. So he remained where he was and stared at her, his mother warm and steady at his side. He wasn’t a flight risk anymore, even on the end of the row as he was, but he knew she would grab him if he started to do anything stupid.

When the exuberant hats flew and Rey was released from her duties on stage, she shook hands cheerfully with the class valedictorian (he’d earned it, no matter how her junior year had ended) and then the vice principal and principal because they were there and it seemed rude not to, and finally hurried giddily down the stairs with her diploma case clutched firmly in her hands.

The case itself was a flat padded folder-like thing with the school’s name embossed on the front. It was stiff inside and kept her diploma straight and neat. She probably wouldn't keep it, wanted to hang her diploma on her bedroom wall, but it was nice enough to get it home in.

Rey's feet touched the floor, but she was flying inside, buoyed by the mood of the room but also her own personal sense of accomplishment.

She’d done it.

She’d graduated.

People greeted her as she moved through the crowd, and some hugged her. She allowed it, even from kids she didn’t know that well. She’d been well known after the soulmate thing, and even more well known after Ben had disappeared in a cloud of rumor and scandal. She was too happy to find it in herself to care that she didn’t know the names of half of the people who approached her.

She saw Lusica, who grabbed her hands urgently and said, “Did you see?”

When Rey only frowned, Lusica turned and pointed.

Rey looked at the bleachers and found her people almost instantly, what with Chewie planted like a tree among them. Within the next blink, her gaze was drawn to a pair of piercing brown eyes fixed unwaveringly on her.

She could tell even at a distance that he wasn’t smiling. She saw him rub his palms against his knees. Drying them?

Rey’s feet took her away from Lusica and away from Finn, who’d just found them in the crowd, and she pushed and jostled her way to the bleachers, uncaring who she trampled. The world had narrowed to that pair of eyes, and she almost felt his breath catch as he watched her make her way over.

She didn’t slow down, actually picked up her pace the closer she got until she was almost running up the steps to his seat. He stood to meet her, and there were too many emotions swirling in his eyes; she let her momentum carry her up, up until he was there in front of her, and then she reached back and swung, decking him in the jaw.

His head snapped to the side, and Rey heard a shocked murmur run through the crowd around them. A woman said, “Oh my God,” but Rey ignored her, switched her diploma from one hand to the other, and followed her right hook with a vicious left, catching him full in the mouth because he’d bent to test his jaw.

Her hands ached in a way she knew she’d feel later, after the adrenaline faded, so instead of punching him again she took her diploma case and began whacking him with it everywhere she could reach. He lifted an arm to shield himself, and more people were staring, but Rey didn’t care. She was so. Fucking. Angry.

She hit his arms, his shoulders, his back. She caught the side of his head, and that was when he snapped. He grabbed her by the wrists, easily holding her, and glared down into her face. “That’s enough,” he growled, and it had been too long since she’d heard his voice. She’d forgotten it, forgotten its depth and power, and she felt the fight drain out of her and her eyes go wide and her breathing settle into something akin to a pant.

That voice reverberated in her bones. It settled into her heart and her head and her sex, and tears prickled in her eyes.

Rey ripped her wrists from his grasp but didn’t try to hit him again. The tears fell when she blinked, and she scowled through them, furious at herself now as well as him. She wanted him to fall into a volcano, and she poured every inch of that loathing into her glare.

Then she turned to Leia, lifted her chin, and said, “I’m heading home.”

Leia nodded, remaining composed even as the rest of the family stared and the surrounding crowd kept back as if Rey might turn on them next.

Rey heard Han say, “Told you she was pissed,” but she ignored it.

She started down the steps, and suddenly people on the ground below were applauding. Someone whistled, and it took Rey a moment to realize they were clapping for her.

Her entire graduating class had just watched her beat the shit out of her soulmate, and they were clapping.

Most of them had been at the junior prom where Ben went apeshit on her date and disappeared right after. She’d been the subject of gossip for the rest of that year and the target of pity for the next.

It was the pity that had gotten to her, the conciliatory kindness which settled like stinging barbs under her skin because they wouldn’t allow her to forget what had happened. That he’d left her. That she was alone.

Every bit of gentleness, every sympathetic look, had made her feel more and more like she was supposed to be decimated by his leaving. It rankled even more because part of her was decimated, and it made her want to punch something. But she hadn’t, not since that incident right after he left. Since then, she’d kept that violence contained to her exercise equipment at home.

Until she saw him.

And then all of that pent-up rage had come flowing back, stronger and more concentrated after its long incubation.

People tried to congratulate her as she passed; some even tried to pat her on the back, but she knocked their hands away. They had no place in this, they never had. It wasn’t their business, wasn't their job to approve or disapprove. She didn’t want them, didn’t need them.

She was halfway to her car when she registered a familiar voice calling her name.

“Rey! Hold up!”

For a moment, her ears didn’t connect to her brain, and she thought it was Ben. Her traitorous heart leapt into her throat, but it settled back to pound in her chest when she registered not Ben but Finn jogging up beside her.

“I don’t want to hear it,” she snapped. He’d never liked Ben, and that made her angry, too.

Finn frowned at her, having to hurry to keep pace even with his longer legs. “I don’t think I deserved that.”

She slowed down, chastened. “I’m sorry. I’m just…”

“I know,” he said. “I wanted to see if you were okay.”

She sighed, and they walked the rest of the way to her car together. It was a crappy-looking thing she’d bought with her summer job money, but it ran like a dream because she and Han had spent countless hours tweaking it. “I don’t know. I didn’t know he was going to be here. It kind of blindsided me.”

Finn smirked. “Pretty sure you blindsided him, too.”

Rey laughed, but hitting Ben hadn’t made her feel any better. Part of her even felt worse. “Why did he have to come back today?” It was supposed to be her day.

Now… now it would be all about him.

“Are you coming to the cookout?” she asked Finn.

“If we have time. We have to visit my grandad first, and then Rose wants us to join them for dinner.”

Rey turned and faced him. “In case I don’t get to say it later, congratulations.” They hugged, and Finn gave her a fierce squeeze.

“Back at you, Miss Salutatorian.”

Rey smiled, but it felt fake. “I’ll see you, then.”

“Yep.” Finn took a step back, preparing to fight his way upstream in the mass of people exiting the building to find his mother. “And, hey. It’s going to be okay.”

Rey watched her friend go, feeling as if he’d grabbed her heartstrings and given them a solid yank so that her heart dangled halfway out of her chest. She unlocked her car and got in before anyone could see her crying, eager to get on the road before the mass exodus made navigating out of the lot impossible.

She sped on the way home and unlocked the empty house with shaking fingers, shedding her cap and gown the moment she entered her bedroom. She had her own key, thought of it as home, but for a long time hadn't been able to fully relax, sure that any minute Han and Leia would change their minds about her. Twice, she'd even been afraid of being kicked out.

The first time had been over the summer, when she’d crashed The Falcon on her way to work. She’d been swerving to avoid a cat, but she knew how much Han loved that van.

She’d been so terrified of what Han would say that she’d been nearly incoherent when he and Leia arrived at the hospital, where Rey had received three stitches near her hairline. When they’d finally understood what had her so worried, Han had taken her hand, looked her straight in the eye, and told her in his no-nonsense way, “The only thing I care about right now is that you’re okay. Don’t you ever scare us like that again, kid, you hear me?”

She’d sniffled and nodded, wincing at her aching head. She’d offered to help him repair all the damage, and he’d let her. It had mollified her guilt, and she’d enjoyed the time working side-by-side.

After that, Rey had tried to make herself even more useful. They’d told her that she was family with or without Ben, and that had settled in her heart like a ray of sunshine, but some dark voice inside her continued to whisper that it was all temporary, all contingent on her value and her skills and her good behavior.

The second time was when Leia had figured out what Rey was doing. She’d told Rey point blank to knock it off and had been so genuinely angry that Rey had known they were done with her.

Instead of kicking her out, Leia had laid down the law. Rey would have normal chores and not be allowed to do anything extra, and she’d be grounded if Leia even suspected that she was worrying about that again.

“You’re in this family whether you like it or not, so just get used to it.”

They’d scheduled extra therapy sessions, and Rey had begun to grasp just how deep her abandonment issues ran. When the therapist asked her if she thought Ben was coming back, she’d considered it and quietly admitted, “No.” When the therapist asked what she’d do if he did return, she hadn’t had an answer.

She had an answer now. Han and Leia had told her at one point that she was the opposite of Ben — he’d never been able to hold his temper, but she never let hers go.

Well, she’d finally let go. On their son’s face.

Rey locked her bedroom door and entered the attached bathroom, closing and locking that door as well. As alone as she was going to get, she stared at herself in the mirror, then closed her eyes and remembered the way he’d looked when she’d hit him.

Stunned, confused. His hair had gotten longer. Leia would definitely be on him to cut it, but it looked beautiful. As luxurious as it was in the photos peppered around the house. She remembered braiding it ages ago, how soft it had felt in her hands.

His voice. Deep and dark and velvety.

Rey swallowed. What, really, had she raced home to do?

She edged her hands under the skirt of her sundress and into the waistband of her panties, shimmied them down, and knelt on the floor, back against the wall and knees spread as her heart pounded.

She hated him. Hated herself. But God, his voice had made her wet.

[She does what she set out to do. Eventually she hears the garage door.]

Time up. He was here.

[Successful finish but is still annoyed.]

Fuck him, she thought.

Yes, her body agreed.

Fuck you, too, she snarled at it, but it only throbbed happily in response.

Translations:

Dobro pozhalovat' domoy. // Welcome home. Rad tebya videt' // It’s good to see you. Tvoy aktsent uluchshilsya! // Your accent has improved! A ty ne mozhesh' delat' eto zdes'? // And you can’t do it here?

Like last time, please forgive me if these translations are off. Context Reverso is to credit for anything I got right. --------- Rey's dress here. --------- I mentioned somewhere that there was a scene I was super excited about after the Time Jump and that is the reunion scene here.

The chapter count will be going up. Definitely will need a bit more than I've allotted, but I don't want to overestimate, so the number will go up only as needed.

Last, I mentioned this recently (to Nancy; hi Nancy!), that I'm going to trust my instincts and cross my fingers that y'all will like how things go from here on out. So far, my instincts seem to have gone over well, but it's more than that. I want to make this an ending I'm proud of and can stand behind, and that means going with my gut and trusting myself. *happy thumbs up*

[thatlongspringnight]

Mistakes (Mitsunari/MC)

This is angst (with a happy ending I think.) and it got way out of hand (its like 5,000 words) 

But i had to get the idea out!~ 

I am pretty sure I’ll make a smutty epilogue, but this is safe. 

Special thanks to @han-pan for giving me ideas and listening to my ridiculousness, and helping me edit. <3

Tagging: @tinydadkanetsugu @frywen-babbles @jemchew @pseudofaux @dear-mrs-otome and really anyone else who wants to go through this emotional roller-coaster.

fic under the cut!

She was smiling, an excited grin on her face as she waited for his reaction.

Still, he felt faint, staring at the letter in his hands. It was like everything had gone silent, except for the sound of his blood pounding in his ears.

“I got accepted!” She had yelled, just moments ago, throwing her arms around him, pulling away to hand him the slip of paper. “I even beat out Tokugawa for it.”

Her words had fallen short of reaching him, too transfixed on the paper in his hand.

He couldn’t take his eyes off the words on the page. Vague memories of her mentioning study abroad surfaced in his mind.

She’d gotten accepted.

Details emerged. A golden opportunity, a full ride, a once in a lifetime chance.

A full year. She’d be gone a full year if she took it.

A year if she limited herself, it was fully possible she could be taken on as a resident. Then what would it be? Two years, five?

The rest of her life laid out before his eyes, without him in it.

His impassive look was failing, replaced with a simmering anger he couldn’t place. They hadn’t talked about this, not once, not really. Only in passing when she said she doubted she would get in.

Never planned for it, never gave him time to prepare. He wouldn’t be able to go with her, that wasn’t an option. He still had a year of school before he completed his degree.

“You’re taking it?” His voice was harsh, the words spilling out with an edge he couldn’t stop from bleeding in. Her smile faulted, confusion taking its place.

“Of course, I’m taking it.” She stepped back, arms crossing. “It’s a full ride for a year, Mitsunari. All I have to pay the cost of living.”

She couldn’t grasp what was wrong, that was obvious on her face.

Maybe she didn’t hear the sound of his world crashing around him.

“You’re just going to do this? No warning-“

“I told you about it when I applied, it’s not like I kept it a secret. “She bit back. “Unless you didn’t think I was capable-“

“Being capable and actually attending are two different things.”

“Mitsunari-“

His breathing was faster, his chest felt tight.

“You’re just going to pack up and leave for a year? Just like that?” His voice was loud in his own ears “This says you’ll need to be packed and leaving in two weeks.”

They were planning on moving in together in the fall, once his lease was up. They were going to adopt a cat. Hazy days spent relaxing together, talking about paint colors and

“I was on a waitlist, so it’s not like I was sure about anything.” She huffed.

A waitlist. If she was on a waitlist that meant-

“Did you-“He frowned. “Did you know you were on a waitlist?” That did it, she looked away, a pained expression on her face.

She had known. She knew and didn’t tell him. How long had she known? How long had she kept it from him? The pain in his chest took on a different note.

“Mitsun-“

“I’ll take that as a yes then.” His dry response. “What an interesting secret to keep.”

“I didn’t know, I didn’t want to tell you if I wasn’t sure-“

“Why? An attempt to spare my feelings? As though this isn’t worse?” She reached out to touch him and he pulled away. “I don’t know why I’m surprised.”

“What does that even mean?” She sounded frustrated. “Its not like we can’t make this work, lots of couples-“

“What makes you think I want to make it work?” The words left his mouth before he even realized he said them, and her eyes widened.  

“W-what?”

“Why would I want to be with someone so dishonest. Someone who treats me like a child.” Why would he want to be with someone who was just going to leave him? His thoughts darted back and forth, not making sense in his head.

“I wasn’t-“

“You sat with me two days ago talking about us moving in together!” He rounded on her. “Did you know then? Did you? You must have. Yet you sat there, letting me prattle on when you knew. Letting me hope like an idiot.”

“I didn’t-“

“Just stop!” He sounded wounded, he hated himself for it. “There is nothing left to say. There is nothing left at all.” He was at the door and she was teary eyed.

“We can work through it, though” She sounded helpless.

But he was already at the door.

He put her calls on silent. All but locked himself into his room, and no amount of prodding, pleading, or political plays from Hideyoshi could budge him.

Why was he doing this?

If he thought about it, he wasn’t sure he could name why. He wasn’t being reasonable, had no desire to be reasonable.

No amount of writing, and he had written pages at this point attempting to express himself, seemed to solve it.

And he knew why.

He was scared.

Scared of confronting this unknown, scared of not having control, scared of staying involved when in the end.

Well, in the end he knew how it would turn out, didn’t he?

 “Hideyoshi.” She sounded desperate, pleading on the other end of the phone.

“I know.” Hideyoshi was standing outside of his door, a calculated move, Mitsunari wagered, given that he had her on speaker phone. “I know, but he refuses.”

Mitsunari had never thought it was possible for him to be frustrated with Hideyoshi, until this moment. Of course, he wanted to open the door and take the phone.

Of course, he wanted to talk to her.

“I leave in two days.” He tightened his fists, the feeling vanishing. He didn’t want to talk to her.

 He could end this right now.

He could walk into that airport. Run, even.

 He could pull her close, kiss her hard and let it all be water under the bridge.

 The rain was soaking through his shirt, and he shivered.

He could- He could

Ask her to stay.

 He frowned at the thought.

No, she wouldn’t stay.

She would leave.

There was a pain in his chest and he felt like he couldn’t breathe. He ran a hand through his hair, sighing.

She was leaving no matter what.

 The flash of anger, stubborn and burnt, weighed down his chest. Catching the kindling of his own insecurities. She was breaking a promise.

The fire was burning now.

Memories of his father, a distant and dark figure, promising to visit, to be good to them.

He thought of those nights he cowered in the closet of the room he shared with his mother, he thought of the screaming, the stark sounds of thrown objects, the crying.

 Empty words.

 Memories of his mother, eyes filled with unshed tears, limp and listless as she laid on the couch. He could see her, clear as day, promising that she would take care of him.

Promising that she wouldn’t leave him like his father had.

 She had broken that promise too.

 Broken it, snapped it like a ribbon, like a rope around her neck.

 He could remember the sound of his own sobbing.

 He thought of the girl he loved, fiercely, and the broken promise that laid between them.

He could go up to her and end it for good, tell her that they wouldn’t work it out. The distance was just too much.

 She was leaving him, like she swore she wouldn’t. Promised over and over again as she lay under him, as she kissed him hotly.

Promises given in ecstasy, broken at his feet.

He rocked on his heels, time passed. Rain. It fell in the darkness and swallowed him whole. It cooled his heated blood. His feet wouldn’t move, couldn’t move.

 Something hot spilled down his cheeks, a stark contrast to the chilly rain.

What was he doing? Waiting for her like a child. Waiting for her like he had waited for his father, for his mother.

They would all leave him in the end.

A choked sound left his mouth, and he bit it back.

 He could see the plane, hear the heavy whir.

It was already too late.

 Hideyoshi found him there, in what seemed like an eternity later. He was frowning, and as much as Mitsunari tried his best, he couldn’t find it in himself to care.

“I hope you’re happy.” Hideyoshi mumbled, ushering him off. “Because she’s not.”

The first letter came two weeks later.

 And the next the day after. Like a flow of water. At least one a week. Mitsunari didn’t know what to do. At first, he considered opening them.

Then he thought about it. He knew himself. He knew his weaknesses. He didn’t want to read her explanations.

He didn’t want to try and make it work out.

Not right now.

But he couldn’t bring himself to throw them away, tossing them carelessly (or rather, filing them meticulously) in a small box hidden in his closet.

 Maybe one day he’d open them, but that day was not today.

 “Why don’t you go on a date?” Hideyoshi sat across from him, the light from the window spilling into the too-small apartment kitchen.

Mitsunari looked up, a little too quickly, breath in his throat.  

“What?”

“Go on a date, you know. A date. Find someone, take them out to dinner. It’s been three months since you broke up.”

“I don’t-“ He stopped abruptly, looking away. Three months, an unbearable amount of days. He had thrown himself into his studies, into his job.

He came home late to sleep and left early.

He cursed himself for his own feelings, he had been fine alone before he met her.

“Come on, it could be fun.”

“I don’t want to have fun.” He mumbled. “I don’t have time to waste on flighty, inconsequential would-be lovers.”

“Huh.” Hideyoshi shook his head. “I wonder if she feels the same way.”

He didn’t want to think about that. Didn’t want to think about her in the arms of another, smiling at another man. But that was why he had done this in the first place.

The panic swirled in his stomach, almost painful. No he didn’t dare address it. It made him want to throw up. Even now, he kept waiting, like he expected her to appear one day, on his doorstep, and wash it all away.

He took a breath, long and low. Trying to give himself some calm.

He needed to be reasonable.

And reasonably, it was inevitable.

She was going to find someone new, someone better than he could ever be. Someone who wouldn’t hold her back because of his own anxieties.

And it was better for the both of them.

He was willing to believe that. To believe that they were both better off, to shut himself off from his memories of his time with her, and his own mistakes, like he had shut away so many other things.

Until the letters stopped.

They had trickled down to one every week, sometimes two.

He didn’t even realize how he waited for them, for the ritual of putting them away.

The connection they gave him to her, even still.

He put away one particularly wrinkled envelope and waited for another to come.

But it didn’t.

A week bled by, then two, a third, and a fourth. A month until he was pacing in his room, staring at the letters in front of him, tucked neatly into a box.

He had finally crumbled, asking Hideyoshi if he had heard from her lately.

He had been met with a shrug, a sigh, and a no. Only serving to further his nerves. Was she okay? Had something happened?

Scenarios he hadn’t thought to consider tore him apart.

And then, as though he couldn’t control it, he tore open the first letter.

 Mitsunari,

 Its colder here then I was expecting.

Isn’t that an innocuous thing to say? I can picture the way you’re frowning as you read this.

But really, it is cold.

One of the professors made a comment that it was unseasonably cold, even.

I suppose I must have brought the icy chill with me, since it clings to me, seeps into my bones.

 “Conversation about the weather is the last refuge of the unimaginative.”

 Who said that? I figured if you went so far as to read my letter, I might as well have you brush up on your British lit.

 Anyway, I love you.

It was Oscar Wilde. Mitsunari sighed, setting down the letter.

It was Oscar Wilde and he could read the loneliness in her words.

 Mitsunari,

The flat I’m staying in is quiet, but basically on campus, which is good because everything here is so hectic.

So very hectic.

I’m more than a little overwhelmed.

I found a cute bookmark in the airport when we landed. It’s in envelope, as is my new phone number, that was a hassle to get.

 You know, if you decide you want to call me.

 I want you to call me, desperately.

Even if its just to fuss at me, or to tell me you hate me, or anything really.

I love you. I love you and I miss you, and I wish I could see you.

 But I’m not sorry I’m here.

 She wasn’t sorry she was there.

For some reason that didn’t sting like he thought it would.

He looked at the number on the paper, and the bookmark, a scenic foggy wood with something on the back.

He turned it around.

“How do I love thee, let me count the ways.” The words spilled from his lips, and he felt something in his throat.

Elizabeth Barrett Browning’s love poem.

He set it down, unable to look at it.

 Mitsun,

 There is a cat living in the alleyway next to my flat. He seems thin, a little worse-for-wear. I think he might be abandoned.

 I heard him meowing at me when I got back from class today, like he expected me to feed him.

So obviously I went down the street to a corner store and bought him some food.

He is very prickly, and he hissed at me when I set the food down.

 I know sending you this many letters in one week may seem a bit excessive.

But you told me that letters were always more welcome than emails.

I think you’re a romantic at heart, to think that.

 Are you glaring at the paper yet? I hope so.

 So maybe if I send you enough letters you’ll write back.

And we can try to be okay again?

 Just maybe?

 I love you

Mitsunari,

 Its been a full week since I got here.

It doesn’t really feel real to me.

The jet lag is pretty well gone, I think because I’ve been sleeping most of my days after I get home once I get back from class.

 I’m still feeding the outside cat, I think I should name him but I’m not sure what. He’s got beautiful eyes, blue like what I wish water looked like.

 He’s looking a little muddy, its been raining nonstop. I guess I probably look a little muddy too.

I wonder if I can get him to come inside. I think he’d be happier if he had a friend.

I think I’d be happier if I had a friend.

 Love you.

 Mitsun,

 I’m lonely.

Can I say that? Is that too much? I don’t mean to be blunt.

But I sat in front of my closet today and cried for what felt like forever because I accidentally packed one of your shirts and it smells like your cologne.

 I don’t really know what to do.

 I couldn’t even call home because of the time difference. I wish I could hear your voice.

 I love you, I miss you, I hope you’re doing well.

 He wanted to hear her voice too.

More at this moment than he ever had. His hand lingered over the phone, looking at the number she had sent him.

No, it was too late for that, wasn’t it?

Mitsunari,

 I let a week pass. I don’t know why.

I hope that you reply, you know. I still do. I know that letters take a long time, and you probably haven’t even gotten the letters I’ve been sending, yet. I know I’m being a little ridiculous.

I imagine a hundred different scenarios where my letters never reach you.

And you don’t know how much I love you, how much I want you to respond.

 Mr. Kitty let me pet him this morning. Also, I’m keeping up with my reading. There is quite a lot, along with much more hands-on lab-work.

 But it is worth it, I know. And I feel good doing it. I’m learning so much.

 Love you.

 Ishida,

 I talked to Hideyoshi earlier. He says that I don’t sound like myself.

He also said you aren’t acting like yourself.

 I’m sorry to say that that made me a little happier, I don’t know what I would have said had he told me that you were just fine. Happier without me.

 Please talk to me.

 Love you. Now and always.

 Mitsunari,

 The cat’s name is Haru, because he reminds me of the first white blossoms of spring.

 I found out that there is an international student’s group for the graduate programs. So, I think I might go.

It’s almost been a month since I got here.

 One month and two weeks since I talked to you

I love you

Mitsunari,

 How are you? I know the semester has already started. I hope your last set of classes are going well. You know, there is a graduate program here in library science.

 You could be one of those librarians that works in one of these centuries old libraries.

I could see you before the school year was out.

 It’s just a thought.

 I don’t plan on staying here.

 I just think you’d love it. Its cloudy all the time, and sweaters are always in fashion.

I would love to be here with you, too.

 I love you.

 Mitsun,

 I caught Haru!

He was really scared and he scratched me pretty good.

And that was even before I gave him a bath.

 He’s sleeping now.

 I took a picture of Haru and I with the polaroid, its in the letter.

Love you

She was smiling in the photo, leaning down next to the sleeping cat. Looking at her made his breath catch. She looked tired, even in the picture.

He had forgotten until he saw her face just how much he truly missed her. Missed the way her eyes lit up, missed the sound of her laugh.

He could conjure it even now.

He felt something in him break just a little.

Why had he given her up? Was it worth it?

 Mitsunari,

 I went to the international club today.

There is a guy from our university here!

Date something-or-another. I don’t really remember. We were in the same communications course ages ago.

He’s here for economics, though.

There are a few other students from the school here too, but I don’t know any of them just yet.

 I feel a little less lonely, but having friends from home isn’t quite the same as what I want.

 Love you

A man.

Mitsunari stared at the words for a while, his memories conjuring the two Date cousins that he had seen in passing.

The quiet one was still here, but the loud one?

He frowned, a flare of something in his blood. That Date was a womanizer.

And she was vulnerable.

A thought filtered through, that she was allowed to do whatever she pleased. But still.

 Mitsun,

 Haru knocked over my glass of water today while I was watching him.

I left you a blank postcard, a train pass, and some more pictures.

 I found an old pocket watch at an antique shop and I’ve slipped it in too.

 I love you much.

    Mitsunari,

 Its rained for three days straight and yesterday I napped most of the day. So that was lovely.

 I have culled some of my coffee habit with tea now, not green tea, that is still too healthy. But a strong black tea with milk and sugar is great on days where the sun doesn’t shine and all you want to do is nap.

I can hear you scoffing, because what’s the point in switching to something that is just as bad for you.

I miss that face you always make.

That’s all really.

 Love you

_________________

 Mitsunari,

 I heard that Toshiie proposed to his girlfriend. How wacky!

I feel like they just got together.

But then again, I guess they were friends growing up, so maybe they just felt like it was time.

Hideyoshi was heavily lamenting that, since he’s still single.

 I asked him about you and he evaded my question.

 Are you okay?

 Love you.

 Mitsunari,

 I stared at the paper for a little while.

It’s been two months.

60 days.

I know you’ve been getting these letters, HIdeyoshi ratted you out.

I guess my feelings are hurt, but I think…I think yours must be hurt worse.

I want you to know that my feelings haven’t changed. I love you.

I haven’t left you, not really. I’ll be back soon. Its just till June, its freshly October.

 Don’t make me wait that long to talk to you again, please.

 Love you

Mitsunari,

 Even if you do make me wait, I’ll wait.

 I’ll wait for you as long as it takes, if you still want me.

 I love you.

 That choked feeling wouldn’t leave him and maybe, just maybe, his vision was blurry.

He rubbed at his eyes. He wanted her to mean that, still even. He wanted to be waiting for him. So he could apologize. So he could make it right.

 Mitsunari,

 Some girls from the university and I went on a hike today. The weather is amazing and chilly, I adore it.

We pressed leaves into a scrap book after and I finally got around to using the espresso maker I bought.

No complaints from me, it’s been a great weekend.

 I took some photos of the scenery, enclosed here.

I think next weekend we’re going to go tour a castle. So that is exciting!

Hope you are well.

 I love you

 Mitsun,

 I’m sorry I’ve been so busy with school, but honestly, I have to say touring a castle isn’t as much fun as when we did it.

 I think you would have known more about the place then our tour guide, and you could have held my hand.

A win/win I think.

 But I stuck the brochure in here, so you can look at it. There are so many places here that I want to go to, I’ll be sure to keep you updated.

 Love you

Mitsunari,

 There was a thunderstorm last night and Haru cried and cried. Eventually he settled down and half-smothered me all night. He’s a good kitty, I think. Wary of strangers and not very trusting at first.

He really likes behind the ear scratches and only eats the fancy kind of cat food, so no wonder he was struggling so much outside.

He is soft and a little bit fluffy and I think he must be part Siamese or something, with those blue eyes.

 I’ll have to figure out the easiest way to move him back with me when the time comes.

I think you and Haru would get along really well, he even sleeps at the foot of my bed (when he isn’t smothering me).

 Love you

There was a dozen more along the same lines.

Little details here and there of the life she was learning to live without him.

She wrote about nonsensical things, serious things.

Always signing them “Love you.”

He read about her burgeoning friendship with Date, whose name, as it turned out, was Shigezane. He learned of nights of karaoke and pizza, late night confessions and her neighbor’s attempts to set her up with anyone and everyone.

 They got shorter as time went on, sadder, even among the little joys.

She asked him often how he was. She told him how much she missed him with increasing frequency.

 He cursed himself for all the nights he spent considering reading the letters and not.

He hated it, hated himself, more as he read those letters than he ever had.

He was a coward, nothing more than that.

There were two more, the last two.

 He was shaking, fear having stolen his anger from him. There had never been a reason to be angry in the first place.

 If anyone could have made it work it was her. Strong, beautiful, lovely her. Who took his misery and gave him back happiness.

 Mitsunari,

 I wish I would have done things differently.

I think at first I refused to see your side. I thought that for sure that you would come around quickly.

But I never asked myself why you were really hurt.

I only trivialized your pain before I left. Thinking that it would all be resolved before I got on the plane.

Now I think it must be too late.

I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I kept this a secret from you. It was selfish. It really was. I didn’t want to lose face if it didn’t work in my favor, but had I been in your shoes, I think I would have been angry too. More than angry, hurt.

I was too busy focused on my own success to even think about how it would affect you. About how I was pulling our lives, your life, out from under you.

How in one fell swoop I managed to ruin everything.

I’m sure you’re tired of these letters

Tired of me because I don’t know when to stop. I’m sorry about that too.

I’m asking for forgiveness. I want to know that you are happy, even if that happiness is without me.

I’ve been thinking that I might accept that position, and stay another year or two.

Mostly because I’m too scared to go back to a town that has a you that doesn’t want me.

 I know that is very selfish too.

 I love you.

 One more. He opened it too quickly, nicking his finger on the envelope. Blood stained the paper, but his eyes were too focused on the words

Mitsunari,

 This is my last letter.

I don’t know if you’ve read them all or if you’ve read none, but I think its time to stop.

For the both of us.

I don’t want to haunt you with my presence, I don’t want to constantly wonder about if you think of me.

Its snowing today, just like it was the first time we kissed.

 I’ll be accepting the job in March.

 You’re always on my mind.

 I love you, still.

 Mitsunari’s hands trembled, the last letter fluttering onto his bed.

She had been so hopeful, at first. Ever optimistic he would come to his senses. Holding on, still, somehow in the wake of his silence.

Of his childishness.

He had sat back, the tear stains on the paper made it almost seen translucent in the light of his room.

And he knew what he needed to do.

He needed to stop running.

 He called her, he called her six times and with every voicemail he became a little more erratic.

 The snow swirled around him, and he pulled his scarf over his mouth.

He was so close, he knew it. The university to one side of the street more than enough to serve as a guide. His steps stuttered and started again, he didn’t know what he would find.

He could only hope.

A voice stopped him in his tracks, so familiar he almost broke into a sprint.

“Shigezane, I don’t think so.”  It was her, and she laughed, a beautiful sound. Just ahead, a familiar head of dark hair.

Date Shigezane.

Standing at the door.

For a moment Mitsunari really did falter.

Only for a moment.

He’d come too far, he needed to say his piece. Even if she was dating someone else, even if she didn’t love him anymore.

None of that mattered.

He couldn’t leave it as it was between them.

If anything, he’d win her back.

He increased his stride, the snow sticking to his clothes, melting against his skin.

He heard the door close and Date step away. Impeccable timing.

For a long moment he stared at the door in front of him, before reaching out and knocking.

He fidgeted with the watch on his wrist, the anxious energy in his body all at once expended and resurrected when she opened the door.

“Shigezane what do you-“She looked up, her words trailing off as she started at him. “Mitsunari?” She looked as though she had seen a ghost. His name on her lips broke the dam inside of him and he surged forward, arms wrapping around her as he held her close.

“I- I’m sorry.” His voice sounded hoarse and distant to his own ears. “For everything. I want you to myself. And I’ve-“

“Shh” Her hand smoothed over his shoulder as she cradled his head with the other. He was aware of his own labored breathing, his own sobs shaking her body. “How did you get here?”

“Doesn’t matter.” He mumbled, face pressed against her neck “This is all my fault.-“

“Mitsunari.” She cut him off, “Why are you here?” She didn’t sound angry, but almost defeated.

“I shouldn’t have let you leave.” The words tumbled from his mouth. “I should have opened your letters. I shouldn’t have waited so long.”

She kissed him, interrupting him mid speech, mid-plan, just like she always did. It was soft, and it make his legs feel weak.

“Come home.” He murmured against her lips. “Come home to me.”

There was silence for a moment as she stared at him. His heart was beating out of time in his chest. She wasn’t going to say yes-

“Alright.” She nodded, brushing a piece of hair from his face. There were tears glistening in her eyes. “I can’t believe you’re here.” She whispered, catching herself at the end.

“I love you, you know.”

“I…I know.” His tense body relaxed against hers and for a moment they stood in silence.

“Mitsunari.” She shook her head, pulling away from him. “From now on, we- we have to talk about these things.”

“I know.” His response was rushed, “I’ll”

“We’ll figure it out together okay.” She was gentle, kind, like he hadn’t put her through hell.

“I’m sorry Mitsunari.”She kissed him again. “But seeing you again is worth the time we were apart.” 

And he agreed. 

[lacrimosathedark]

Help, please

I know I have 2 posts like this but I just need to elaborate why I need monetary assistance and why I keep asking. I feel you have the right to know, to some limited extent, what you’re paying for. I also kind of need the vent...

I have major depressive disorder, multiple overlapping anxiety disorders including generalized, social, and PTSD, body/gender dysphoria, and an attention deficit and/or autism spectrum disorder. I may have more or my official diagnosis may have shifted so I may edit this part, but last I talked to my therapist about it that was my diagnosis.

I’m going through medications that don’t work. Or they don’t seem to. I also can’t keep taking them at a consistent schedule because my sleep schedule is incredibly out of whack, I’m incredibly forgetful, and even when I have a decent schedule, I get thrown off when my body starts “bloodletting”, because I try to sleep through it, stay in bed as long as possible so I don’t have to think about blood leaking because gravity, and then for at least the first day I’m curled up in pain desperately trying to sleep through it.

I currently don’t have the mental or emotional capacity for a full-time job and am not on assistance so I have no income. I want to do commissions, but I’m not certain I’m capable of doing anything or completing big projects. I can’t even complete my own projects.

Despite this, I pay for my own phone every month which is about $40, and with no income that’s terrifying because I end up begging for work or a loan from a family member.

I owe my father just short of a thousand dollars (he bought my laptop, which is faulty out of the box and I’ve been too anxious to return it and I was gonna pay for it with my financial aid that never came in) and I owe my mother over two thousand (for rent). And because I owe my father, I can’t bitch at him to replace the window he broke in my room. 

I have no means of transportation. I have been trying to be taught to drive for 5+ years and I am still without a licence cuz no one has taught me. The person who usually helps me get places is now too busy to do so and will be having surgery soon so she won’t be able to drive at all. I’ll hopefully be in a program soon to learn to drive, but I haven’t heard back yet. I also don’t have access to a car.

I have no friends so I have no reason to leave the house, and nowhere to go should I be able to leave. My therapist is not happy with me staying at home all the time and neither am I.

Last year I put in an application for group housing/assisted housing. Find out this past week my application had never been processed. That’s fixed but the waitlist is long and I don’t know when I’ll be able to get out of here.

A month or so ago I put in an application for food stamps/SNAP. Last week I got a call saying they didn’t have an application for me. My case manager still doesn’t know what’s going on.

My brother is abusive. He constantly makes an annoyance of himself. He stays up late and watches TV even when he knows I have a hearing sensitivity and sound outside of my room at night makes my skin crawl and I can’t sleep. He gripes on the fact that I’m an adult and I do less chores than him (I’m disabled as previously stated and he thinks he’s neurotypical, and he doesn’t even do the chores he’s assigned), that I can’t drive (no one will teach me I try so hard), and that I’m living at home (even though that’s not unusual anymore). He bitches about me living at home constantly. He calls me stupid, dumbass, retarded, idiot, slow, dumb, and many other things when I say something he finds odd or annoying. He has also called me bitch, whore, and cunt, amongst other things (whore doesn’t even make sense, he’s aware I’m not sexually active) (he has also jokingly called me a faggot in the past). He never leaves me alone even when I’m having a full meltdown and screaming. He laughs at me when I cry. He brushes me off whenever I try to explain things to him. He repeatedly tells me he doesn’t care. If I get bitchy enough and upset him beyond laughing at me, he will physically hurt me. I’ve had red marks and bruises. He’s ripped buttons off my clothes, that’s why I haven’t worn my cat hoodie in months. My bedroom doesn’t have a lock, so he can come into my room whenever, I can’t feel safe there, in my own space. He has and does openly mock my gender identity, recently he commented on my chest which is where I experience dysphoria most. He has no respect for anyone else’s things and I get in trouble when he eats mom’s food.

My mother is overworked. She works all day and most nights and she barely makes enough for us to get by. Because she’s so stressed, if I ever ask for anything, help, food, anything, she gets bitchy. I try to make helpful suggestions for the household and she turns it around like I’m the problem. She’s never around to do anything about her son and she gets mad when I call or text her at work for help because he’s upsetting or even scaring me. She tries to respect my gender identity but she gets frustrated when she realizes she messes up and she gets angry when I correct her and looks at me like I’m a bug on her shoe when I try to make suggestions to make it easier. When she’s extremely mad, she’ll use my issues against me, ex. yelling when I can’t look at her or when I glance away at a sudden movement, or screaming in my face despite my sensitive hearing. This is her at her worst, but her best is very rare because she’s under far too much pressure.

I haven’t bought clothes in months, maybe years. I don’t have anything that really matches my fashion sense, or anything I could wear for something like a job interview. Most of my clothes are hand-me-downs, and/or I’ve had since middle school.

I need to save up for surgery for a double mastectomy, or at the very least a reduction, both for my dysphoria and my health, because my chest is too large for my frame and it hurts my back and posture and I often have trouble breathing.

I’m having an increasing number of health problems and no understanding of how insurance works and with this political climate I should know this stuff, if something is really wrong I can’t afford to fix it.

I don’t want to be alone when I move out, I’d like to take one of the dogs or cats with me when I move out if I’m allowed, so I need to be able to support them too. I can’t be alone. It’d also be great to get them trained to help with anxiety/panic attacks, but that’s so hella expensive.

Sometimes to soothe my depression/anxiety I like to buy small treats or presents for myself, like candy or ice cream or coffee or soda (recently I’ve been buying raspberry Crofter’s), and I can’t afford to do that. I also like to bake when I’m stressed, and it makes me feel good to share what I make and have others enjoy it, but I can’t afford ingredients to make anything. 

This isn’t even listing things I want. This is all needs. If I started listing wants this would be much longer. But as you can see, I need a lot of help. Some people have already been ridiculously generous (I’ve gotten donations of $30 how??? and thank you!!!!) , but I feel like you should know why.

[flyingangelofblueislands]

Lately

UP10TION Wei (Lee Sungjun) X Kogyeol (Go Minsoo)

Bias X Reader

Genre: Fluff and contemplation, lol

PART 1 (maybe)

You had been anticipating this school trip for months. It was your first overnight-trip, or any kind of trip really, without your family. Just you and your friends. Well, and the rest of your classmates and the supervising faculty staff as well. It was your class’ turn to take a historical tour that all the students enrolled in that history course took, at some point during their semester, to visit and learn more about the various historical spots in the country as per usual of the course. It would be a five hour drive to the location, so the buses had to leave at 6:00am. You would get to the location and then spend the night and return in the afternoon the next day. So that was also exciting, but stressful at the same time. There was nothing in your closet that you wanted to be seen in. Luckily, you already discussed this with your friends and you were going shopping with the money from your part-time job on the weekends to buy a new outfit at least for the first day. The second day didn’t seem to matter as much. It would be a short day and you would just riding a bus for the bulk of it. You met your friends at the indoor mall on the other side of town. After conceding to your friend Ailee’s requests to get some food first, you all took your trays of food and sat at the high chairs in the mall’s food court. Your eyes caught sight of a familiar group of guys first. You nudged your best friend’s side urgently.   “Jiji, look! Look!”  Jiji turned and looked in your direction. “Sungjun is here. Is this fate or what…” You mused, fantastically whimsical. Jiji smirked and took a long sip of her bubble tea before answering you.

“Or what. This is the closest mall to school. Everybody comes here.” “Whatever. Just come with me.” You responded flippantly while dragging her off her bar stool and coming down off of yours simultaneously. Jiji’s eyes bugged. “You’re going to confess to him here?” “I have to. If I don’t tell him soon I think I’ll explode.” You both started to make your way over to where he was. Jiji halted you in both of your tracks. “What about, Minsoo?” She asked you, almost frantically. It made you stop moving. More out of confusion than anything else. “What about him?” Jiji bit her lip and shot a look over towards Ailee and the other girls. “I wasn’t supposed to tell you….” “Tell me what? Hurry up, Sungjun is about to leave—“ “Three weeks ago Ailee told me that Minsoo told her in strict confidence that he was going to ask you out on this trip, they’ve been planning something—but I don’t know what they’re planning exactly so don’t get mad at me okay? And I know you said you gave up on him last semester-but love doesn’t disappear that fast right? It was all just bad timing and I’m just the messenger who was never supposed to be the messenger!” Jiji’s words tumbled out of her mouth faster than she could even keep up with and spun in circles around your head twice as fast. All you could get out was, “What?” You felt, both, glued to the floor and as if you were swimming in thick water. You and Minsoo had grown up together. You met him when you transferred to a different school when you were 13. You had a crush on Minsoo immediately and you, being the type of person you were, even confessed to him within the first month of meeting him. He told you he didn’t even know you and you should just be friends. You compiled. Hoping that once he got to know you better, you’d date. So settled for that. Keeping hope close to your heart for all these years. It paid off. During the summer break of your last year (of high school), he confessed to you. Stating that he would’ve done it sooner but he had thought you had given up on him a long time ago. You assured him you had not. It was almost a happy ending. Until you were waitlisted at your university of choice. The same University as Minsoo. You refused to go to any other school. So you opted to enroll in an online school to take some University courses come spring, so you wouldn’t fall behind, and reapply the next year. Minsoo, on the other hand, had been accepted and was leaving come fall. So after only a few months of blissful meeting, you told him with a heavy heart that he should go and experience college life without burden. He tried to convince you that nothing would change between you if you dated and he would still come down and see you every day. You couldn’t accept introducing that kind of stress on him while he was studying. So you told him that it was just over. He took it pretty hard. It led to him distancing himself from you after a while. Which you took as what it was. When you finally got accepted into his University a year later after reapplying, he actually approached you first. However, neither of you could find the right time or moment to bring up the idea of the two of you. You wanted to confess again, but didn’t want it to seem like you were just following him around like a sad puppy. You were already at the same University as him when during the last year, with your good grades, you could’ve applied literally anywhere else…You started to think to yourself. Why didn’t you? Then you wouldn’t be in this mess now. “Earth to Y/N.” Jiji gently flicked your forehead to snap you back to reality. Your focus rearranged and you spotted Sungjun and his friends leaving the food court and exiting out the side doors of the mall. You exhaled heavily. “What are you doing?” “Exploding.”

The next day came amid much excitement. Your dorm mates stayed up all night with you, helping you not over pack and trying to calm you down. You didn’t know why you were still so excited. It was going to be a sh*t show. Minsoo and Sungjun were both going to be on the trip. They didn’t know each other, but you knew both of them. Ailee was Minsoo’s good friend since they came to this University at the same time and met in new student orientation for first-year University students. You met Sungjun the same way, except, in orientation for transfer students. Jiji, you met through Ailee, who Minsoo had introduced you to, in efforts to help you make new friends when you first came to this school. By simple scheduling necessity, you all took the same History course, just at different times. You sighed again. Was Minsoo really going to confess? You made your way to the meeting place. Where all the students and faculty were gathered around. Everyone was milling about hugging their coats to their mouths and trying to shuffle away the cold. You tried peeking around for faces you recognized. When you couldn’t see anyone past the masses of student bodies, you pulled out your phone to call Jiji. The Head of the History Department called out for everyone’s attention and told everyone to listen for their professor’s name and line up in front of the bus number he would assign to the teacher’s name. Your heart jumped. You had a feeling the bus assignments would be by Professor. That meant you would be riding with Jiji and Sungjun. Ailee on a different bus and Minsoo on another. You breathed a sigh of relief. At least you wouldn’t have to think of anything for the next five hours. You heard the Head of Department call out your Professor and her assigned bus number and made your way through the bustle of students towards your bus. When you arrived, you checked in with your Professor and moved forward to put your overnight bag under the bus. As you backed up, you bumped into a warm body. You turned around surprised, “Oh! Sorry!—“You recognized Minsoo’s smiling face, “Minsoo!” “Why are you surprised? You know I have this class too.” “I know, but I thought they called your professor’s name already. You should be on your bus…” “I came off for a minute to give you something.” He pulled one of his hands from behind his back. It was holding a small plush backpack in the shape of Rilakkuma. “Rilakkuma!” You beamed at the backpack. “I remember you used to collect things like these.” He looked at you slightly nervous. “Do you still like them?” You nodded immediately. He smiled, relieved. The Department Head announced the bus numbers and professor’s name as a last call. Minsoo continued, “There’s things you like inside. Open it when you feel a craving.” You smiled up at him, touched. “Thanks, Minsoo.” “Anytime.” Minsoo lingered, his hand suddenly reaching up and holding yours. “You think if I ride your bus instead, I’ll get in trouble?.” He joked. You laughed a tiny bit, “They’ll probably call roll on the bus to make sure people aren’t skipping. You could get marked absent.” “You’re worth it.” Minsoo remarked without missing a beat. You got a bit shy and looked away, “What’s with you today…” You said softly trying not to smile. Minsoo shrugged while never taking his eyes off of you. “Just making up for lost time, I guess.” You wanted to ask him if it was for lost time to come on the bus ride or lost time that already passed. You heard a knocking on the bus window and looked up, Jiji’s face was warning you to get on the bus already. “I should go.” “Oh? I forgot Jiji was in your class.” He motioned for her to open the window. She obliged, “What do you want, Minsoo—It’s cold!” Minsoo pulled a face at her before answering, “Just make sure you take care of Y/N. I don’t want anything happening to her.” Jiji rolled her eyes at the sentiment. “Oh please! We’re riding a bus down there, not a horse! Y/N come on! They’re pulling off!” Minsoo played with your fingers, “Go. I should go, too. I’ll see you down there.” “Bye.” You called out after him as he squeezed his way past some of the late-arriving students scrambling to find their Professor’s bus. You watched him disappear into the crowd before pushing your way onto the bus. Jiji stood up and flagged you down to where she was sitting. You made your way to her, clutching your purse and new Rilakkuma bag. Her eyes flitted to the plush bag and she couldn’t help but snicker. “Did Minsoo give you that?” You plopped down next to her, and pretended to be nonchalant. “Maybe he did.” “Did he say…anything?…” She probed quietly. You shook your head, knowing what she meant. “Not exactly, no.” “What do you mean ‘not exactly’?” Jiji asked folding her arms and leaning sideways in her seat to face you. You sat catty corner in your seat to face her as well. “I mean, he said things, but didn’t really say anything.” Jiji let out a high pitched sigh of annoyance. “I feel like I’m getting stressed just trying to keep up with you two.” You fixed your mouth to agree with her but got interrupted but a male voice. “Keep up with who? Me and Y/N?” Sungjun’s joking voice filtered into the conversation. You both greeted him happily. “You’re late!” You stated playfully. “I know! I didn’t even hear my alarm clock go off!” “Hm. It’s lucky you didn’t get left behind.” You commented. He smirked, “Lucky for who? Me or you?” He raised an eyebrow. You reached out to hit him and he backed just out of reach, before reaching out and grabbing your hand. “Sit with me.” “I’m already sitting with Jiji.” “Don’t use me as an excuse.” Jiji interjected. You whipped your head around at her and gave her a glare. She just smiled at you. Living for the torment in your eyes. “Be a big girl and make your own decisions.” You heard her loaded statement despite her light tone. “Fine.” You turned to Sungjun, “I’ll sit with you.” Sungjun beamed and picked your bags from you and guided you to an empty pair of seats that happened to be two seats behind Jiji. You scooted in towards the window at his offering and settled in. After putting both of your bags and his own in the overhead above your seats, Sungjun settled down next to you as well. “You wanna know something funny?” “What?” “I’ve been thinking all week how to ask you to sit with me on this bus ride.” “What?” You partially laughed as he held his own semi-embarrassed smile, “Really?” Sungjun nodded his head and let out a grunt while covering his smiling face momentarily. After looking at you for a quick moment, he exhaled and licked his lips due to them being a bit dry, and then looked straight ahead as he spoke. “Don’t ask me why. I just know it’s all I thought about.” “Well here we are.” You tossed in to ease his weird nerves. You felt another opening to tell him your feelings in this moment for some reason. “I saw you in the mall yesterday.” He turned his head towards you in surprise, “You did? Why didn’t you say anything?” “I was going to, but then you left before I could get over to you-it was in the food court and you were eating a hamburger…” You trailed off, not sure why you felt you had to add that last part. Sungjun just laughed at your observation. “You could’ve still come over, if that’s what stopped you. Me eating?” “That wasn’t it.” “Then what was it? And you know it was funny? I was actually talking about you with my friends then.” You felt your confession bubbling at the back of your throat. It was like a compulsion. Everytime you got around him, lately, you wanted to spill your guts. You looked down into your lap and in untimely but pure coincidence, you got a two messages from Minsoo back to back.

let’s eat lunch together today.

I was thinking we could talk…i’ve been having a lot of thoughts lately…

Sungjun’s eyes flitted to your phone. You clicked the screen off immediately but not hurriedly and looked out the window. You heard him ask you innocently, “You okay? Who was that?” “A Senior I know. He wants to have lunch together when we arrive…” You spoke absent-mindedly before remembering the conversation that had been cut off before you saw your text messages, “You said you were talking about me with your friends?” “Mhm.” Sungjun nodded and stood up to get his bag from the overhead. He sat back down and began to rummage through it. “What about me were you talking about?” Instead of answering you, Sungjun handed you a small envelope with your name on it. “Wait! Don’t read it now.” He lips carried a nervous smile as he hurriedly put his hand over yours as you tried to open the envelope. “Read it after the day is over. In your room. Let’s just spend the day happily. Learn new things. Create memories.” You felt your stomach leap forward and twist.

**************************************************************************** 2.6k for Honey10s and this amazing Japanese comeback that just happened + the soon arriving Korean comeback! p.s. This is Wei’s era and we are blessed to be living in it. loll  I would’ve done this sooner but I was honestly so caught up in life. But I’ve missed writing fics. This one is a bit rough I feel like I fell off my horse, but forgive me as I get back in the swing of things everyone. I left it open to a part 2, but I prooooobably won’t continue it. lol I have so many mini series going on it makes no sense. next up is the other two series i started and left you cliff hanging for three months… this is me leaving and getting to work! see you soon I promise!

love, peace, and quick fluff reads!

~Admin Fluffintine

[north-and-south-blog]

Harry Styles Live: East and West

I’ve never moved faster than when, 90 minutes before doors, Bella told me she’d found me a ticket for Harry Styles at Radio City Music Hall in New York (for face value at that - mountain-moving magic). It was one week ago, but even with time to think about it, I still consider grabbing it up it to be the second craziest decision I’ve ever made.

The crowning glory? Flying 3000 miles to see the same show opening night in San Francisco just the week before (and then taking a bus to Las Vegas the following day for a whirlwind adventure with my best friend over the weekend).

When tickets went on sale in May, I was planning to stick to a strictly east coast journey. The more we learned about how difficult they would be to get (codes! Verification! Gladiator-like battles against each other on the World Wide Web™ for venues that would house a shaving of the people who were trying for them from all over the country and all around the world), the more the blowout got cut down. Whereas my friend and I were initially planning on New York and maybe Nashville to make up for a previously postponed trip, we whittled it to New York if we were lucky with Boston as a backup. When only I became verified and received a code, the team got cut down to one, and when Ticketmaster failed to refresh (something our cousins across the pond assured us was the key in their ticket-buying process)….

The day ended with no tickets for me. My best friend had friends who had gotten them tickets to San Francisco, though, and at the time that was most important to me. She’d roped me into the wild ride of supporting this artist, and her getting to see him was my main priority. I kept perspective by remind myself this meant more money for seeing him whenever the next tour was announced (which it was — a little over a month later. I impossibly scored the tickets I wanted at the venue I wanted during presale).

The rollercoaster turned us upside down when the pals she was supposed to go with had to back out. There had already been a few false starts earlier in the summer when codes and tickets were allegedly rereleased, and by this point I’d made my peace with biding my time for the next year. As patient and settled as I was, though, when she asked if I wanted to buy one of the tickets and make a trip out of it with her, I jumped at the opportunity and took a flight out of JFK at 7:00am to head farther west than I’ve ever been in my entire life.

Opening night at the Masonic in San Francisco was a whole lot of new for me. It was full of queuing (for 10.5 hours at that without food or drink — I know, I know…), getting barricade, nearly passing out (I repeat: I know, I know…), and fire alarms that had my father’s age old reminder of, “Remember the fire at the Cocoanut Grove” echoing in my head as I triple-checked that I knew where the exits were.

(Should he ever see this post: I was right by one and there was a straight shot to another one. I very clearly made it home in one piece. I am OK).

Anybody who remembers anything about level of promo for this album leading up to its 12th of May debut will know that no expense was spared and all stops were pulled. Subsequently, expectations for this tour were high, both from those curious to see what he could do and those who had seen it before. As a fan who skidded in just before the start of One Direction’s hiatus but before the four members’ solo careers, the show was everything I expected it to be. I don’t think the crowd stopped screaming from the moment the lights first dimmed and Styles’ silhouette appeared on the pink and flowery curtain in front of us (a sight unseen to me since I was tucked all the way off to the side with the tradeoff of being able to see behind the curtain as the band and Styles darted out to take their positions on stage before anybody else. Incidentally, the highlight of the evening for me was when I smiled at bassist Adam Prendergast just before the curtain dropped and he grinned back — a moment important only to me that has made him my fast favorite out of all Styles' bandmates).

What you hear is what you get — apart from improvisations, the songs sound precisely as they do on the record in tone and quality, even with the enthusiastic jumping, kneeling, and, as he puts it, prancing, from the man who sings them. Anybody questioning whether or not he can sing based on any number of criticisms (from his X-Factor beginnings to the One Direction cannon that shot his name into virtually every household) should have no doubt about it. From a showmanship perspective, although the first few songs seemed rushed — either part of a squeaky-clean plan or a time crunch thanks to the half hour delay from the fire alarm — and he, consequently, seemed tense, once the 75 minute set was half over, he had relaxed into the groove of the exchange of love between him and the auditorium full of people who returned his apparent affection in spades.

This, I think, was the special part of the evening, and it’s what fans go to see and experience — the certainty that they are loved by someone they love, too. Seeing Harry Styles blow kisses and clutch his chest while very clearly saying the words, “I love you so much,” it was impossible to deny that he meant it. With arms thrown open, he unfurled a blanket of love and gratitude that stretched to the rafters and knitted into the one that the crowd rolled out his way — evidenced by the way they (we) sang, “You bring me home,” during his soft acoustic Sweet Creature and how he had his Sign Of The Times sung back to him as he stood there watching in silent awe, absorbing 3,480 people singing the words he wrote that meant something to them where they started out meaning something to him.

I left that night exhausted and running on fumes that carried me through an 18 hour bus trip to Las Vegas and with the pipe dream of somehow finding my way into Radio City. Even over the summer, I’d eyed tickets on StubHub with the impractical and unfounded urge to hear New York’s stars Kiwi and Ever Since New York in New York. I had the rest of the week in Vegas and the majority of the following week back in the city to kick it out of my system. After a friend and I asked Radio City if any tickets would be released and they assured us it was a no (due to his Dunkirk fame and popularity, all tickets were going to be sent to industry waitlists), I was well and truly ready to settle in for Periscope streams from my couch. Free snacks and the ability to lounge about were licking my wounds.

And then I got the call (the first time I’ve ever been able to say that in my life). From  4771.69 miles away, Bella had found someone whose friend had canceled on them at the last minute (cancellations seem to be my lucky charm) and they were selling their ticket for face value — much better than the prices that started at five times the original selling price on StubHub. She verified the tickets were real while I threw clothes on, slapped makeup on, and ran out of my house to make it to the venue in time. While I can’t necessarily say I endorse this since there are any numbers of ways it could have gone wrong, I had the appropriate systems set up in place (people were told, code words were established, and a plan to call Bella after getting there was made) and in an hour and a half I was inside Radio City for the fifth night of tour.

Both San Francisco and New York were special experiences. San Francisco was historic — it was opening night of the first sold out solo tour in a venue that only time and his management will be able to tell if he’ll be able to play ever again. Being there for the debut and all the bumps that came with it was an honor as a fan, and it’s something I’m looking forward to thinking about for years to come and telling any children I might have in twenty years time when they’re listening to his seventh album and marveling at the cool stuff their mom used to do.

As important and magical as that night felt, though, I knew that the experience between hearing it on the road and hearing it at home would be palpable, especially with the way the performances in L.A., Nashville, and Chicago had increasingly ramped up. After the curtain dropped and was carried away, it became apparent that my rash decision had been the right one. Any bumps that had been apparent during opening night were long gone, and without the fear of passing out from exhaustion, jet lag, dehydration, starvation, and heat, I was able to scream, sing, and dance in ways I hadn’t been able to in San Francisco (I apologize to the people behind me who had to deal with my 5’8” self keeping my arms in the air for most of the night). Styles debuted a new cover of One Direction’s Story Of My Life, and he led the crowd through two and a half renditions of Kiwi to prove that New York is actually always jacked up and that it would do well as a single (Columbia Records, Styles’ label, confirmed the release of the single less than a week after the Radio City tour date). Although my first rockstar moment came when I was 22 and saw Morrissey at MSG when he threw his shirt into the pit for adoring fans to tear to shreds, the second came that night when Styles, evidently having lost his mind only moments after asking Radio City to do just that (with a please — he’s British, after all), raced up a wall to loom over the venue below him during his cover of Fleetwood Mac’s The Chain. If you want pics for proof or it didn’t happen, you’ll have to dig through Twitter — I was too busy doing exactly as he’d asked and staring in shock to be able to snap a photo of it.

I’m going to see him next year — once at Madison Square Garden and once in the midwest, so I’ll again be traveling a ridiculous distance — and I don’t have a doubt that I’ll be in for many more surprises and much more love.