#maybe I should meditate a different way

[maladaptive-ninja-returns]

I was meditating when a thought passed my brain like a bullet…

What if the first dude asked to paint the image of God- any God- had taken one look at his neighbour and thought “why he kinda…” and proclaimed his sexy ass portrait as The One for centuries to come

[tarotofhope]

PAC: ♡ Channelled Love Songs from your Current/Future Romantic Partner ♡

(Please Read My Pinned post *IMPORTANT NOTE* before selecting a Pile)

Pick an Image by meditating and selecting the image you feel called to. You can be attracted towards more than 1 image. If you are not able to select maybe this reading isn't for you.

(You can find all the songs mentioned in the Piles on SPOTIFY. Unfortunately Tumblr only allows 10 audio links per post🥲)

Pile 1

Songs - Aaya Jado Da by Asees Kaur

Screen Time by Epik High ft. Hoshi

Don't Forget To Breathe by Aaryan Shah

Welcome to your reading, Pile 1. First of all, lot of green ink occured in your pile. Your partner seems very caring, nurturing and protective of you. They might be a very caring and loving person themselves, very protective of their belongings and loved ones. They like to have a quick check on you(like not in a toxic or negative way). They want to know you better and your little quirks. They genuinely care about your well being. They might be very cautious, structured, organised individual, a fitness freak as well. They seem kind of very picky, they don't open up to just anybody, they might have very few close friends. They're mostly not interested in flings and one-night stands. They take relationships seriously so they'll only jump into it when they see some real value in it. This person is like a 'husband/wife material' person or atleast a long term partner. This also seems like a long distance relationship to me or getting into a relationship after a series of personal hardships when you've become very mature either age-wise or experience-wise.

So, that's all I got for you, my dear Pile 1.

Hope you're with this person or find this person soon 😉

Hope, light, love and peace to you..🌸🌼🌻

Pile 2

Songs - Talk About Love by Callum Beattie

Seven- Clean Version by Jungkook

Tenu Khabar Nahi by Arijit Singh

Welcome to your reading, Pile 2. Have you guys currently been in separation or broken up with your partner? This could be a recent past energy as well. See, now this also looks like an ex's energy(I don't like to go into this topic because it creates unnecessary confusion but it appeared in the reading so I had to) and whether ex or not, if you strictly don't want this person back into your life, you must then very well know that you've ended up for good and you don't need to allow this person back or this pile totally isn't for you, you should select another pile. One thing is prominent though, one of you has done something bad to the another person..and that was the main reason for your guys' separation. I'm nobody to judge you guys, you know yourselves better. Well, whoever this person is, they want to reconcile with you or you're currently reconciling already. It could be a different case for everyone choosing this pile. It could be so that this person or both of you might still have feelings for each other. This person wants to make things better or do things right. There is a promise of not making the same mistakes again. This person is asking for another chance. Now, you need to decide for yourselves, what's good for you and what's not. It's totally up to you.

That's all I see in the cards for you, my dear Pile 2.

Hope, light, love and peace to you..🌸🌼🌻

Pile 3

Songs - Tera Mera Hai Pyar Amar by Ahmed Jahanzeb

I'm Gonna Love You by D.O. ft. Wonstein

Can't Help Falling In Love by Elvis Presley

Welcome to your reading, Pile 3. This person looks so in love. But more so, this person is very sure of you, there feelings are very intense, too. As they are saying, that it's so easy to fall in love with you, either it's a love at first sight situation or there is a certain clarity about choosing you/about wanting to continue further with you. Nothing can change their mind about you. They are giving me strong future spouse energy because they just want to take you away as soon as possible. So, they'll be very assertive in their approach towards you in the courtship period itself. I also think that they'll be the first one to approach you if you've not met this person already. They'll make sure that you know they are not just fooling around, that you're in for a very long ride. They'll also want to make sure that you too, feel the same way for them before going very far because they want it all or nothing. They'll definitely try to win your heart over, Pile 3.

That's all I got for you, dear Pile 3.

Hope, light, love and peace to you..🌼🌸🌻

Pile 4

Songs - Young And Beautiful by Lana Del Rey

Every Second by Baekhyun from EXO (Record of

Youth OST- 3)

Aadat Se Majboor by Benny Dayal

Welcome to your reading, Pile 4. This person might be a heart-throb. Popular person energy(for their work or looks). Everybody swoons over them. Their energy is quite charming and charismatic. They are bold, fun loving and outgoing, life of the party kind of person. You both might be quite the opposite of each other. They will be very confident in their approach. They might just be nervous about how to woo you because you are different from others and they don't want to make any mistake. They don't want to look like a creep. If you've already met this person or in a relationship, you know. They are someone who'll totally make a fool out of themselves to make you laugh. They love to see you smile and laugh but also, you don't laugh a lot, it seems. There seems to be a lot of people who are sexually attracted to them, but they choose you because you are special to them, you're not like the others according to them. They might've got their heart broken a couple times earlier due to which they're afraid of losing you but that's not going to be the case because they're sure of one thing that you're very firm in your decisions, rock solid and you won't run away when life gets bad. You guys are going to be like a power couple, each helping the other person where they are lacking, each completing the other.

So, that's all I got for you, my dear Pile 4.

Hope, light, love and peace to you..🌻🌼🌸

Pile 5

Pile 5

Songs - Lover by Taylor Swift

Spider By Hoshi

Tere Mast Mast Do Nain by Rahat Fateh Ali Khan

Welcome to your reading, Pile 5. Your person seems very Venusian(very lovey-dovey, full of charm, likes fine art) and Neptunian(very dreamy) to me, a hopeless romantic even. Some of you might also be attracted to Pile 4, because this pile has got some similar vibes. They are magnetic, could also be popular for something that they do, something that only they create. They have a good taste in music as well, could be a musician or they like to play musical instruments. Dancing and singing could be their hobby or talent. They are also someone who knows flirting like the back of their hand. It comes naturally to them, sometimes they don't even know that they're flirting. They might also like good food and fine-dining, might also love to cook. You might not like this person in the beginning because you think they're a flirt and they don't look serious, but you'll eventually start liking them because they're not what they seem from the outside. It is giving me the vibes of 'One fell in love first, but the other one fell harder.' Their heart is so pure and innocent. They'll woo you with their heart, Pile 5. You seem like a tough nut to crack to them, someone who's hard to get. I also think you've got pretty eyes and a resting b**** face. They love it. There's going to be a playful banter between you guys. Everything will be worth it in the end.

So, that's all I've got for you, my dear Pile 5.

Hope, light, love and peace to you..🌻🌼🌸

Thank you so much for being here. I post PAC readings every Tuesday and Friday. Do love and support by reblogging, liking or following.

———————————♡ ♡ ♡———————————

[onelittlespiral]

FML: Confidence

I had decided it was finally time for a change. A few years after college and sitting all day at the office had taken its toll. Twink death was here, but I wanted to have a chance at a few more wild nights before I hit my thirties. So, on a buddy’s recommendation I called up Dr. Webb. He had been touted to me as one of the best in his industry, able to help with all kinds of health and wellness. In my consultation, we discussed my goals. I talked about my concerns around aging and some of the weight I had put on. He probed a bit about my health and family medical history. He was so calm and gentle. It was so easy to talk with him I may have even disclosed more than I wanted to about my college days and conquests. At the end, he leaned back and read over his notes:

“If I am being honest, I am not sure what you are too concerned with. You may not be your youngest, but I wouldn’t say you are deviating too much from a health body at your age.”

“But Doc, I don’t want to just slide into my thirties. I want to get out there like I did just a few years ago.”

“There is nothing wrong with aging my boy. It’s scary for us all but we aren’t stopping the clock any time soon.”

“I don’t want to stop the clock. I just want to feel confident in my body again.”

He stroked his beard and thought for a moment, “Now that is maybe something I can work with.” The rest of the visit was boring. But by the time I left his office, I had a pack vitamin supplements, a list of recommended exercises, and a follow up appointment in a few weeks.

Over the next couple days or so, I diligently took the supplements, followed the exercise routine, and logged my daily progress. It was strange, I didn’t really see a difference, but did start to feel a bit better. The biggest change I think I felt though was a kind of hormonal rebalance. I think doc mentioned it. My sleep was slowly becoming more regular, mood swings improved, and my flexibility was improving as I followed my exercise routine. However, I think it was also starting to create a fixation. I would just need to see my progress, check if I was improving. Whenever I got a small chance I would just stare at myself and focus on my curves. Were they any smaller?

I mentioned it to Dr. Webb at our next meeting. He laughed it off, said it was nothing unusual. But he did send me home with some meditation files to help me relax and center my mind. Help me let go of my worries and all that. And I will confirm they were effective. I popped on the first tape that night, listening to breathing exercises and ambient white noise. Woke up an hour later feeling refreshed. I don’t think I thought about my body much that night. In fact, I hardly thought about anything. My mind felt so clear.

It continued like that for a week I think. To be honest, the days started blurring together a bit. The routine was really sinking in, abs became an almost unconscious part of my day. At some point though, I don’t know when, I did start to notice a change as I would finish the tapes. I would always come to hard as wood. My appetite for sex was off the charts, quickly becoming a nuisance to take care of myself, several times a day. I even had to take a break at work one day. That is, until one day I saw myself in the mirror.

I was getting ready for the day, and suddenly something in me shifted. I stopped pulling down my tee and stared at myself in the mirror.

Damn, had I always been this hot?

Something about the way my jeans hugged into my sides and the thick matted carpet stretching across my stomach felt new and exciting. My mind said it should have felt off, but staring at my gut and feeling its weight ripple as I rubbed it up and down, I was entranced.

‘I felt big, strong, and masculine’, a voice echoed in mind, and I couldn’t agree more. Instantly my plans for the day were shot. I needed to get out there and find someone to share this body with. I couldn’t keep it all to myself. I popped my top off and went on the prowl for a piece of ass to demolish. A few quick photos and I had some nameless twink on his way over for an afternoon delight. Within moments of his arrival, I felt a shift in energy between us. I was used to a kind of back and forth, pull and push as people met and flirted. This was all pull. It started slowly, as he sat next to me on the couch. Then, he placed his hand on my thigh and gently rubbed. I was soon no longer talking to him, I was giving him commands:

“Scoot closer to me.” He scooted.

“Rub my belly a bit, don’t be shy.” He hesitated for just a moment before gliding his hand over my furry belly.

“Feels good, doesn’t it?” He nodded limply. He was fixated on other things

‘A man gets what he wants,’ rang the voice in my head. And my patience was running thin.

The commands flowed from my mouth quickly:

“Take off my shirt”

“Take off your shirt”

“Lay on me a bit”

“Don’t mind the smell, I’m wrapping my arm around you.”

He quickly followed commands, even started taking huffs of my musky pits as he curled into my arms. I didn’t tell him to do that yet, but I felt so in control as this man was getting hard practically in my lap. It was time.

“Pull out my cock.”

“Put your head right there.”

“Open wide.”

“Suck, boy.”

It was just so easy to get him to comply. He was like putty in my hands. He just bent to my authority as I guided his willing throat, mouth, and tongue through the best blow job of my life. By the time I was ready to move on, a damp spot had formed through his shorts at the tip of his throbbing cock. It bobbed in the air a bit as I turned him around and pulled down his shorts. I took a moment to press myself against him, let him feel the power of my body.

“Bend over.” And he went down on all fours.

By the time my next appointment came up, I already had a small selection of boys willing to come over when I needed them. They were so small, I was almost worried I would break them in half. But it felt so freeing to discover this side of myself. Nothing could beat a twink sitting on my dick, begging for me to cum in him. I reported back to the Doc that I didn’t think I needed his services anymore. He said that he couldn’t agree more, and that even he was shocked at how much progress I made in such a short period of time.

“Now would you kindly put your shorts back on? They did not need to come off for this examination.”

“No,” I replied, “gotta take care of some business first. You want to show me that cute ass of yours.”

“I don’t think so, I…”

“Please doctor, with a body like this? I’m confident you’ll find your work satisfying.”

[vincentbriggs]

Do you need a sewing machine to start making shirts and vests? Is hand sewing an option worth considering, or should I invest in a machine, in your opinion?

That's really a matter of personal preference!

Do you need a machine? Absolutely not! Every garment ever made before the 1840's was sewn by hand, and a lot of them after that too. I've sewn many garments completely by hand, including the early 18th century tiddy-out-violinist shirt, these bright orange breeches, and this green waistcoat.

Is it nice to have a machine? I think so, but again, individual opinions vary!

One of the costumers I follow sews everything 100% by hand because she finds it meditative and isn't interested in using a machine at all. Some people hate hand sewing and prefer to do everything by machine, with maybe a bit of hand finishing if they absolutely can't avoid it.

I do about a 50/50 split overall, maybe skewing a bit more towards hand sewing. I like to do pants, shirts, and nightgowns mostly by machine with some hand finishing, but for jackets and waistcoats I usually do considerably more hand sewing than machine, because I like 18th century tailoring techniques and think they give a nicer looking result. I do most of my buttonholes by hand, or I do them by machine first and then cover them in hand stitching.

Most people who sew do at least some of it by machine, but again, I don't know which way you prefer to work, so I'd suggest trying out both to see how you feel abut them.

For hand sewing, I suspect a lot of people hate it because they're using shitty needles and/or shitty thread, and perhaps haven't found good resources for hand sewing techniques.

Here's a post of hand sewing advice that I found quite helpful a decade ago. Use good needles because the eyes of the cheap ones have jagged edges and will ruin your thread! Use nice thread because the wrong kind will be twisty and tangly and will fray more!

Thimbles are good and useful, and typically they go on the middle finger of your dominant hand, and you use them to push the needle. I prefer metal thimbles and dislike using leather ones, but some people prefer the leather ones, or rubber ones.

The metal ones come in sizes, and I don't know how to find out your size aside from trying them on in person, but I know I'm a size 11.

One very important thing is that if you're hand sewing a garment, look for hand sewing specific instructions on how to do the construction techniques you're going for. A lot of the time when someone nowadays is trying to figure out how to hand sew a thing they'll just try and copy the machine sewn version, and a lot of the time that's inefficient and more difficult and the result looks worse, because machines and hands work very differently!

This is something I'm going to briefly discuss in the outro to the very long shirt video I'm working on, because it's so very common, and I've done it too! On several of my earlier hand sewn shirts I didn't know to turn the edge in on the front slit and do a little narrow hem, so I instead sewed on a facing for the front slit and cut and turned it, just like I'd seen on machine sewn shirts. This made it about 3x more time consuming, and the result was much bulkier and looked worse.

I've got so many more things to say about sewing but it's almost bedtime and I don't want to make this post too long.

For machine sewing, again there's a lot of personal choice. Some people like newer machines, some people like vintage or antique ones. I'm one of the ones who prefers solid metal vintage machines. I grew up using an old cast iron Singer, and the newer domestic machines just feel so plasticy and insubstantial to me. I'm used to ones that just do straight stitch and can also go backwards, but some people are perfectly happy with ones that can't even backstitch.

I do think that for a beginner the vintage machines are a better deal, because if you're patient and look around for a while you can snag one for really cheap at a thrift store, yard sale, facebook marketplace, etc. Also they're mostly metal and therefore harder to break.

I recently got a Pfaff (from I think the 1960's?) at an estate sale for 25 bucks. The zig zag mechanism is stuck and needs fixing, but I cleaned & oiled it up and it works just fine for regular straight stitching.

There are SO MANY online resources for how to clean, oil, and fix vintage sewing machines, especially the more popular brands, and a lot of the time cleaning & oiling is all they need. Read the manual and get an oil bottle with a nice long pointy thing so you can reach all the parts, and get some compressed air to whoosh out the fuzz. If it's old and hasn't been used in years, turn the hand wheel and observe every single place where metal rubs against metal, and Make It Greasy There.

(If you don't have the manual, you can often find those online too. I even found the service manual for my new-old Pfaff! I have the original users manual, but this one's for the people doing repairs.)

Oh this post is getting much too long! If you don't know yet if you like machine sewing, try seeing if you can use one without owning it, perhaps at a sewing class or in a makerspace. I know some libraries can loan out machines. A sewing class would probably be a good idea actually, if there are any available where you live!

Much like how you'll have a bad time hand sewing if you've got shitty supplies and no proper instructions on good techniques, you'll have a bad time machine sewing if it's not oiled well and if the tension is uneven.

There are so so very many things to learn about sewing and I hope I'm not making it sound too overwhelming, because I promise it's not if you take it one step at a time!

Also, when someone who's been sewing for a long time says "You may think you can ignore (piece of sewing advice), but actually that's bad and you will regret it", they're usually right. Oh, how I regret not learning to use a thimble years earlier than I did...

Sorry this post is so long, I hope it's helpful!

Basically, there's no one best way to sew anything, and you should try different stuff and see what works best for you, because everyone has different preferences.

[crystallilytarot]

Things you should do to improve your life, selfcare things you should do for yourself

Choose an animal!

Pile 1

You should choose your battles wisely! Sure, stand up for yourself, but sometimes that fight don't worth it. This will be different for everybody, but there are things you should let go. Not for others, but for your own wellbeing. I think you are planning something, and it's good to be prepared. You probably need to make a decision or to choose between things. I think you still have time, you can search about this and really choose wisely. Maybe you can have some alone time to think about this, but also just for self reflection, finding answers within you. If you can, you should really go to a vacation, just a little trip is okay, even going for a walk. And for some of you especially somewhere near water, maybe even swimming or some water sport. You can try some affirmations to be more positive and optimistic. Though if it's a more serious problem, don't be afraid to seek professional help! Everybody has feelings, and you can let yourself feel, bad or good emotions too. You can cry, if you feel like it, you can be silly, laugh loudly. Don't hide this side of you. For some of you, maybe you can try be naked more at home, to accept yourself and really embrace your sensual side too!

Pile 2

You are a hard working person and it will pay off! But in the meantime, don't drain yourself completely! Try to find balance, rest more, especially have enough sleep. Recharge your energy. You probably worry a lot, but you do everything, so trust the process, trust in the Universe! Yes, you can't see everything, but it's not good to expect bad things and be anxious about it. Maybe you can drink some herbs, but cocoa is good too, anything that makes you feel good and relaxed. You can also try meditation or breathing exercises. Please, don't give up hope, have a little faith! It will be okay! Also have faith in yourself too, you are very capable, you can do it! It doesn't matter what happened in the past, don't listen to negative people. You can plan ahead and that way you won't worry so much. Also do something active, any sport you like, or dance. But I think for some of you, even sex would be a good thing to de-stress yourself. You should let out those frustration, anger and worry in some way you enjoy. You deserve to enjoy your life too. It's not just about working. You can do something creative too, you don't have to be good at it. Maybe there's something you always wanted to try, so why not?

Pile 3

You are very smart, you should know it. I think you have some leader energy, so if you want to be in a higher position, get a promotion, better grades, studying in a good university, it can be anything, you have a very good chance to success! I think you are already working on it, or you working on some project, and it's hard, but don't give up now, you are very close to achieve your goals! Just keep going! But also, take your time to enjoy your achievements too. Don't make a lot of big plan. Not because you can't do it, but you should enjoy your money too. You should probably go out a little more, be with your friends. If there's an event, concert, movie, anything you wanted to go, just go. And things maybe don't always happening as you planned, but it's still can be good, so be open minded in everything. Go with the flow a little bit. You can try something new too, don't be afraid! I think you can try to visualize, if you want to manifest. Also pay attention to your dreams! Finding balance is important here too. You don't have to be wise in every situation, sometimes we can listen to our heart too.

[stars-obsession-pit]

I feel like the potential of different methods of treatment of Jason’s Lazarus Pit side effects in DPxDC fics is often underutilized.

Like, yeah, the crossover brings in more ghostly stuff that could help, but it’s contamination on his literal mind/soul (definitely soul in a DPxDC context, idk about in DC canon) brought on by an unnatural resurrection. At least to me, that feels like it should be significant.

Having Danny just reach in and pull it out or Frostbite treat it in a basic procedure feels almost… cheap?

Like, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with it being easy. Stories don’t need to go deeply into the soul healing process; if it’s not meant to be major plot point, it can absolutely be just a quick thing! I’m not trying to insult those stories at all!!

But I feel like there’s a lot of room for more complex or esoteric stuff in there to be explored!

Some ideas for such unique condition things under the readmore:

What if his “revenant” thing some fics use comes into play and the only way to remove it is to fully achieve his revenge? And if that’s the case, what if someone/something else kills the target of the revenge without his influence? Yeah, the person is dead now, he’s technically avenged, but he wasn’t the one to get the revenge. So does it still go away, or is he stuck with it? If he still has it, is it just permanent now or can he just find some other revenge method (ruining their legacy or etc) to break it?

Or oppositely, what if he literally can’t achieve that revenge or his body will die again, its mission complete. Thus, his only way to survive and remove the side effects is to smother all those vengeful urges until they fall silent. Which could make that “someone else kills the target unrelated to him” thing from the previous idea now the good ending - basically guaranteeing his survival since he can’t achieve the vengeance as easily now and can move on. Or maybe it’d be even worse as it forces him to move on regardless, dying randomly when the target of his revenge meets their comeuppance.

What if cycling out the corrupted ectoplasm is a long-term process of meditation (and/or emotional control) - something that takes up significant space in his life and forces him to plan/work around until it’s complete (reduced work hours, avoiding certain situations that might cloud his thoughts, etc)

What if he needs to obtain some sorts of special items/materials (either connected to his own life or more general ghost stuff) for a cleansing ritual, forcing him to go on some sort of quest(s) before he can perform it and recover

What if the tainted spots on his soul can’t be fixed, only excised, leaving other types of consequences for his mind/soul (some that will gradually disappear as the “incisions” heal, others that persist in the scars left behind)

What if the healing process requires him to go over his memories and smooth out the jagged emotional edges left by the Pit, and he isn’t experienced enough with ghostly matters to do on his own, so it forces him to get help from another ghost (and thus bare all his secrets to them)

What if the Pit Rage has to be fully pulled to the front - leaving him completely consumed by its control - before it can be literally fought back and suppressed

What if it can be healed only by taking pieces of healthy ghosts to patch him up - which’d require a lot of smaller ghosts (e.g. blob ghosts) or could potentially only need a couple if he’s willing to harm more intelligent ghosts for it (which Jason likely wouldn’t do, but he’s hardly the only person who’s been revived by the Pits…)

[seoulmatez]

— 𝓈𝓊𝓃𝒹𝒶𝓎 𝓂𝑜𝓇𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑔 ౨ৎ

multicharacter (suo, kiryu, umemiya, & togame) x reader. 2k wc. ﾉ sfw ﾉ fluff ﾉ one suggestive bit the end of togame's ( if u squint ) ﾉ mornings spent with them!

a/n: it’s my first time writing 3/4 of these characters so apologies if my characterization is off — i’m working on it!

ᡣ𐭩 SUO HAYATO

people say it’s normal for partners to pick up habits from each other and you suppose your relationship with suo is no different. you’ve taken up joining him for his morning meditation sessions, making it a ritual of your own. even now, the two of you sit side by side on the rug in your living room, coffee table pushed to the side, patio door open to let in the sound of chirping birds and soft wind that characterize the calm nature of morning.

you hear his breathing from beside you, each breath deep and controlled. his very presence is enough to set your mind and being at each but as you mimic his technique, you begin to wonder what thoughts run through his head during these brief, relaxing moments. perhaps he has a mantra he repeats to himself or maybe he simply takes the time to mentally walk himself through his tasks for the day as preparation. 

would it be naive of you to hope that his mind wanders to you? it’s not so unreasonable to think that he can feel your presence as well, no? maybe you have the same effect on him—maybe he’s found a new sense of serenity in your proximity. you’ve certainly started enjoying mornings more given the opportunity to share this time with him. it feels like the two of you are secluded in your own impenetrable bubble, inaccessible to the outside world and any distractions it may throw your way—

the bubble pops with the feel of fingers tickling your exposed sides. your eyes fly open at the unexpected contact and all that steady breathing you had been focused on goes out the door as the sound of your giggles penetrates the once-quiet air. despite obvious evidence of an attack, the perpetrator is nowhere in sight. it’s not until you tip your head back in uncontrollable laughter that you finally see him—suo situated behind you with a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

tears pool at the corners of your eyes as you try to pry his fingers away but you’re no match for him. his hands only still at your sides when you collapse against his chest in defeat. your uneven breathing fills the room, punctuated by a chuckle from suo. the vibration from him causes you to turn your eyes up to meet his.

dark hair and an eyepatch almost shield his gaze but one cherry brown eye is still on display and it’s looking straight down at you. “i thought meditation was supposed to be calm and relaxing.”

“sorry,” he apologizes, but you doubt its genuineness when he playfully pinches each side of your tummy, drawing a squeak out of you. “i took a peek and you looked so cute and concentrated—i just couldn’t help myself.”

his hands come up to cradle your face, lithe fingers running along the curve of your jaw before he dips down to steal a kiss. his lips are soft and warm and easily restore that soothing feeling you associate him with. you suppose it’s enough to earn your forgiveness.

ᡣ𐭩 KIRYU MITSUKI

“your pink is starting to fade,” you tell kiryu, your fingers combing through the soft pink strands. he’s sitting on top of the toilet seat with his legs crossed, still dressed in the pajamas he slept in. it’s funny—how soft he looks in his matching set with messy bedhead despite all of the metal jewelry decorating his face. 

one of his hands pokes out from the satin sleeve that’s just a bit too long to reach up and take hold of a tuft of hair. the pieces of hair that are usually clipped back hang in front of bright green eyes as he examines the lightened strands. 

“should we refresh it with more pink?” you ask. there’s plenty of dye left over from the last time you colored his hair stored underneath the sink. it wouldn’t take too long and neither of you are in a rush to leave the house, though, before you make a move to grab it or even wait for an answer, another thought pops into your head. “or maybe we can try another color?”

kiryu lets the hair fall from between his fingers and turns his eyes up toward you. a cat-like grin pulls at his lips and there’s a curious sparkle in his dazzling irises. “oh? any suggestions?”

you take in the pink that has dulled to a pale hue, like a cherry blossom past its prime, and the darker hair that has started growing in at the roots. with a contemplative hum and head tilt, you share your thoughts. “maybe we could bleach it and keep it blonde?”

“nah.” he shakes his head, floppy hair bouncing with each back-and-forth movement. “that’ll wash me out.”

you can’t help the laugh you breathe out at his reasoning. ever so insightful, you think, toying with his silky soft strands. it makes sense, though—kiryu’s always been in tune with the intricacies of his appearance, understands what looks are flattering on him and which styles to avoid. you wouldn’t be surprised if he knew more about cosmetology and fashion than you did.

“you’re right.” you nod your head in agreement. truly, you’re sure that blonde would look just fine on him, to you and everyone else at least, but knowing his preferences and what he tends to steer clear of makes it too easy to tease him. you try to hide your smile with your next words. “orange could be fun though, yeah?”

his smile doesn’t waver but his eyebrows do knit together in a show of disapproval. “did you wake up on a mission to turn me into a clown?”

your laughter echoes off the bathroom walls with his response. kiryu’s expression softens as he takes in how pretty you look when you laugh. he could get used to seeing such a sight every morning. 

you clear the humor from your voice, pushing the hair hung over his forehead back to place a kiss on his hairline. “guess we’re sticking with pink, then.”

ᡣ𐭩 UMEMIYA HAJIME

“i’ll never understand how you’re so good at that,” you say from behind umemiya. your arms are wrapped around his midsection, your head tilted to the side to get a glimpse of the work he’s putting into breakfast. he’s stood at the stove, hands expertly alternating between pouring thin layers of an egg and vegetable mixture into the pan and rolling the layers into an omelet. you’ve tried the task on your own several times in the past and none of your attempts have ever come close to what umemiya delivers.

he chuckles, the rumble of the sound vibrating against your arms that hold him. that makes it even more impressive—even with you clinging to him, he has no trouble making the picture-perfect dish. “lots of practice. don’t sell yourself short—yours are good too.”

“you shouldn’t lie, ume.” you pinch his side but the action only draws out another laugh. he’s so kind he won’t consider saying something that might hurt your feelings—even if it’s true, even over something as trivial as eggs. you love that about him, how he always considers the feelings of others.

you can only hope that you’re able to repay all of his kindness.

“i know i would have ruined the omelet but are you sure there’s nothing else i can help with?”

“hey, i told you not to worry about anything,” he lightly scolds you for looking for something to do. he told you earlier that he could handle preparing breakfast on his own this morning—something about wanting to treat you to the first harvest of the vegetables he was growing in his garden. they’re sprinkled into the meal—the carrots and scallions in the omelet, the pickled daikon waiting to be plated. “the only job i’m tasking you with is to relax.”

“fine, fine. i’ll leave everything to you.”

despite your compliance to stick to relaxing, you follow umemiya around the kitchen as he cooks, commenting on how good everything looks and simply watching him in his element. you don’t get to focus much on him when the two of you cook together and you have to admit that it’s nice seeing him do something he loves with such a satisfied smile on his face.

before long, breakfast is finished and plated on the table, you and umemiya sitting opposite of each other. you pick up your utensils and a piece of the rolled omelet with them. you bring it to your mouth and are a second away from taking a bite when you notice the light-haired man isn’t mirroring your actions. “aren’t you going to eat?”

“yeah.” he nods and then points to your food. “you give it a taste first.”

without directly asking, he wants to know what you think. you give in to his request and take a bite of the omelet. just as all of his cooking is, the dish is incredible. you shoot him and smile and nod in approval while you chew which earns a chuckle.

“good?”

“even better than usual,” you tell him after swallowing. “your veggies were definitely the secret ingredient.”

your compliment makes his smile grow wider. it’s nice to know you can bring him happiness the same way he does for you.

ᡣ𐭩 TOGAME JO

even with the curtains closed, a sliver of sunlight passes through them, lighting up a stripe of skin on your face. your eyes flutter open and are met with the light. it’s bright and warm, signifying the start of the day. you glance at the sleeping figure in front of you with all of his messy dark hair and beauty marks scattered about his skin. the light doesn't seem to have disturbed him and you can’t find it in yourself to rouse him.

you plan to let him snooze for a bit longer while you get an early start to the day. his arm lazily draped over you, you attempt to scooch back and simply let it fall, though, as soon as you make a move to leave, his arm tightens around you. 

“i’m getting up, kame,” you whisper, hoping your voice isn’t loud enough to really wake him up. you make another move to leave the bed but find yourself pulled even closer to the warm body. he groans restlessly but you don’t buy it—once is a coincidence, twice is a pattern.

you grin at his disguised effort to keep you from getting up. not entirely convincing but you can’t deny its efficacy—he has kept you in bed. “you’re terrible at pretending to be asleep.”

“can you blame a guy for trying?” he asks, eyes still closed, voice groggy from not having been used in hours. “i’d rather stay in bed with you than go out and do anything.”

it’s flattering to think that he’d rather spend time in bed doing nothing with you over any other way he could spend his day. you’d be lying if you said the prospect wasn’t tempting but you know better than to indulge. agreeing to another ten minutes is essentially akin to signing your entire morning away and unlike togame, you actually have some things to get done today.

“what about all the stuff i have to do today?” you ask. you have a sneaking suspicion that you already know the answer but you want to hear it for yourself.

his eyes finally drift open, putting green irises on display. his gaze is sleepy but there’s a lingering glint of humor in it. “i’m sure it can wait a short while.”

“i knew you were going to say that,” you tell him through a quiet laugh. togame’s lips curl up in a smile as he presses his forehead against yours, only loose, dark curls separating his skin from yours. maybe you should be annoyed at how easily he’s willing to set your day back but the truth is, he’s right—everything else can wait. 

you breathe in deeply, letting your hand come up to play with the thick strands of hair at the nape of his neck. “how do you suppose we spend the morning in bed?”

his lips brush against yours, stopping at the corner of your mouth to press a kiss there. his breath tickles you with his next words. “i can think of a couple things to do.”

thanks for reading! if u enjoyed, please consider reblogging or commenting ❤︎

[lasirenatarot]

“ LOOKS-MAXXING ” pick-a-card reading.💝

Your next glow up.

What can you do in order to have a big glow up?

Pick a pink 90s magazine cover:

—>Pile 1

Your next glow up will most likely be related to getting « in peace » with your s€xuality prior to glowing up both physically and mentally. What I mean by this is you will probably need to get rid of any self doubts about your looks, any shame around your $£xual side due to past traumas or for some the way you were raised, some may have been raised in a controlling or conservative family.

One of the ways you can make this glow up happen is if you really enjoy your life and what you do. Try to practice your hobbies more and work on bettering your natural talents, by doing that you may find your purpose in this world and this will lead to the biggest glow up ever.. for some it may lead them to their dream career.

Something which appears in the cards is that you may need to forgive your parents or parental figures for the way they treated you in order to reach peace within yourself and your physical body. Forgive yourself as well for not acting in the « right way » or not looking a certain way, this is the best you could do at that point of your life . It is all in the past.

As for a physical glow up: judging by the pictures shown on the cards that fell, maybe start focusing on a regular work out routine, focusing on legs, butt or whatever you feel like you need to improve. Updating your clothing style may benefit you a lot. Stop caring about what others would say and pick clothes which give you freedom of expression, be yourself shamelessly. Some of you who chose this pile may have some creative vision which they may have been scared to express - do it. Meditation may help with your « glow up » in some form as well. Try bolder makeup looks and outfit choices.

Moodboard/Vibes for pile 1:

The vibes I get from this pile is totally Julia Fox as a persona,not only style wise. She’s unapologetically herself, maybe for some she’s a bit weird. But the main point is, despite people’s opinions and perceptions of her, she has always followed her own rules and expressed herself. Before she got famous she was a dominatrix, did a photobook, an art exhibition aand starred in a famous movie in which her character was inspired by her real life . All this happened because she was authentic,lived her life the way she wanted and followed her heart, exactly what u should do as well,pile 1.

Songs which remind me of this pile’s vibe:

—>Pile 2

Pile 2, you’re going through or will go through a huge transformation.. luck will definitely be on your side and you may find out answers for things which you’ve always wanted to know about. ( it can be pretty much about anything. If we are talkibg about a physical glow up exclusively, you may learn some very good beauty hacks soon. It can be about makeup, diet, exercise, skin care, personal development etc.. this is a general reading so I cannot be exact but whatever your case is it will lead to a HUGE glow up. Two of the cards are talking about some « secret knowledge » so whatever it is it will be significant for you.

This pile is very different from the first one as the glow up that appears here is not just about one or two things in your life or looks, it’s about everything. The things you can do in order to glow up faster, pile2, is maybe start watching makeup tutorials and pay attention to new techniques or products you haven’t heared before, ask people for where they shop they may tell you some secret thrift store with really cool clothes which can uplift your style.. anything which can help you get this « secret knowledge » which appeared in the cards. Another thing I can say for this pile is: focus on manifestation, envision the changes in your looks or life as a whole you would like to have and act accordingly in your 3D universe in order to get to where you want to be. Positive affirmations and subliminals (as in subliminals I mean not the crazy unrealistic ones, but those about self concept, confidence and beauty in general) may also be helpful in your case.

Moodboard/Vibes for pile 2:

The vibes I get here are Fran from “The Nanny” and Maddy from “Euphoria”. Fashionable, bold, colourful. Radiating confidence. Crystals, glitter, sparkle, feathers, bold and colourful makeup, everything of that sort. Do not dim your own light to make someone else feel better about themselves if they are insecure.

Songs which remind me of this pile’s vibe:

—>Pile 3

Pile 3: I think you would definitely be bettering your financial situation sooner than you may have even expected, this may help you get a glow up. You would be able to afford nicer things, skincare, clothes, procedures etc.. If you’re not already on a path to improve your finances, then you would definitely be motivated to start working on this problem soon and be very committed on your mission of « glowing up » in every way possible. Physically, mentally, spiritually even. You will be finding yourself after a long period of feeling lost and unlike your true self.

You would become much more intuitive, confident and cut throat even, you won’t let energy vampires use you as they may have done in the past and this would lead to a more beautiful and healthy version of you, because you would not have to deal with others’ negativity anymore. When it comes to relationships you would not be satisfied with with mediocrity, you will be finally standing your ground and being true to your standards and what you deserve. You will be getting your justice if you’ve been mistreated in the past.

This pile has huuuge « femme fatale » « dark feminine » vibe. This may be the energy you will be channeling after you have your glow up. Doing classic makeup like red lipstick+ black eyeliner, black smokey eyes and nude lips combo might help you channel this energy that i am seeing here better. Wearing colours like: red, black, gold and nude might help you elevate your look. Also wearing jewelry, lace and high heels. Don’t be scared to embrace your « dark side » which you may have ignored in the past in order to fit in with the crowd.

May sound trivial, but follow your intuition and do what makes you happy, it will make you glow in ways which you have not expected..

Moodboard/Vibes for pile 3:

The vibes I’m getting here are as I said in previous paragraphes: femme fatale, dark feminine energy,monica bellucci core type of look/aesthetics..

Songs which remind me of this pile’s vibe:

That was all from today’s PAC. It was a bit different from previous ones and I myself did not expect it to turn out the way it did, but sometimes completely different information pops up in readings because someone needs to hear a certain thing.. Hope you enjoyed it!!

Leave a comment/feedback if it resonated, share and follow for more.

Thank you for reading!

- La Sirena💋

Decks used: ‘$£xual magic’ oracle deck by Lo Scarabeo; ‘Manara’ €rotic tarot deck by Milo Manara/ Lo Scarabeo;

Photos are from pinterest; all credits to their respective owners.

[becomingthatgirl111]

stop comparing yourself

i have been dealing with this for years. somehow i think we are programmed to think that the other person is better than us, in whatever aspect and we end up putting ourselves down and this is due to lack of self-esteem.

the reality is that it's all about perspective. you may think that the other person is much smarter, prettier or whatever better than you, but that person may have a totally different perspective of themselves and see those qualities that you admire in them in others. that's why it's an absurd reason to compare yourself to other people.

another reason why we should stop doing it is because it doesn't help us to improve ourselves because as i have already mentioned it makes us feel inferior to others and if we want to be our best version we have to stop doing it and focus on ourselves.

it is not worth comparing yourself with other people because everyone lives their own life and you don't know what that person has gone through to get to the point where they are now and you are also capable of achieving it. the only thing that prevents you from doing it is yourself and your negative thoughts about yourself.

negative thoughts can be changed by identifying them and not paying attention to them. at the beginning, it seems a complicated task but when your ideas have started to change and you have another mentality it is easier to do it. every time you compare yourself to yourself use the affirmation "i accept and approve of myself" say this repeatedly in your head until those thoughts go away. try it.

it is also important to recognize since when you compare yourself and why you do it. maybe it was a behavior you learned as a child, your parents or someone made you do it, maybe you tend to be very perfectionist with yourself. but all this comes from a lack of love in ourselves and when we identify it, it will be much easier to start the healing process.

it doesn't matter how other people are, if it helps you, take them as inspiration but the important thing here is to focus on yourself.

so my tips would be:

recognize when you feel this way and why.

write down how you would like to feel about this situation, if necessary also write down how it makes you feel every time you compare yourself to someone else and what you think about yourself at these moments.

every time you have a negative thought about yourself repeat the affirmation "i accept and approve of myself".

do activities that make you feel good and help you connect with the best version of yourself.

read, listen to podcasts, watch videos about personal growth. do research, don't just stick to the basics.

put into practice little by little what you are learning from all this new content that your mind is absorbing.

talk to yourself beautifully in front of the mirror, it can be that same affirmation or meditate in front of the mirror with a video of positive affirmations.

stop paying so much attention to other people's lives and focus on your own.

[ofstarsandvibranium]

Desire

Fandom: Star Wars - The Acolyte

Pairing: Qimir x GN!Reader

Summary: It's clear to you that you're attracted to Qimir and, sure, he likes to touch you and be near you, but that doesn't necessarily mean he wants to be sexually intimate with you right?

Warning: smut but tried not to make it super not detailed since reader is gender neutral. but his dick def goes somewhere lmao

Qimir Masterlist

Qimir's hand runs up your hand your arm, a trail of goosebumps following it.

You're supposed to be meditating by the water, but Qimir is...distracting.

You feel him graze his lips over the nape of your neck and you let out a shaky sigh, "You're distracting me."

"That's the point," his voice is low and rasp in your ear, "There can be a lot of things going on at once, but you still need to be able to focus and become one with the Force."

He chuckles as your breath hitches when he presses a kiss on your shoulder, "Focus."

His hands slide up your thighs, his fingers messing with the band of your pants. Your heart quickens, your breath trying to steady but as his hand slips under, gliding along your skin.

Your entire body is buzzing and it's not because of the Force this time. This is different. You grow hot as Qimir continues to press kisses along your neck and shoulders.

His hand presses against you and you gasp. You don't stop him as moves his hand, bringing you to pleasure. You lean back against him, opening yourself more to him.

He nuzzles his face into your neck and he works you faster, the coil building up inside you more and more.

"Qimir," you moan his name.

He hums out in satisfaction, "Cum for me."

You're shaken awake before you can climax.

You look up in shock to see Qimir looking down at you with concern, "Are you okay? You were calling me in your sleep. You sounded...hurt."

Your cheeks grow warm as you abruptly sit up, "Yup. Yeah, just, uh, bad dream...again."

He leans back, looking at you with uncertainty, "Did you want to talk-"

"Nope. It's fine. Just...I think I'm going to swim to clear my head." You kick off your blanket and slip on your shoes, practically running out of the cave and away from Qimir.

_____________________

He could sense how uneasy you're feeling. You're tense, jumpy, cautious. He could feel those emotions rolling off you in waves. He just didn't know why.

He steps out of the cave, looking out to the water where you were wading in the water. He focuses on you, using the Force to get an idea of what's been bothering you.

He feels that coil in his stomach, something he's felt a few times throughout his life. A smirk reaches his face and he lets out a chuckle of disbelief.

You're aroused, not doubt because of him. He has been touching you a lot more, pressing himself closer to you. Albeit, it hasn't been due to sexual desire, but rather just an innate need to be close to you.

He supposes, however, that he can turn it up a notch, because who is he to deny you pleasurable release? Besides, it's not good for you to continue training while so...riled up.

He makes his way to the shore, swiftly and quietly. Your back is to him as you cup water in your hands, letting is fall onto your body.

He undresses and steps into the water.

"Mind if I join you?" you yelp in surprise, burying your nude body further into the water, "I-uh-no. It's fine," you respond.

"Taking a swim was a good idea. You've been on edge lately," he says as he slowly makes his way to you.

You gulp, trying to the keep the distance between you, "Yeah, um, those nightmares have been sticking with me a lot longer than I would like."

"You should let me help you."

"It's not your problem-"

"It is. If you're to be my equal, if I'm to train you, there can't be any distractions. I want to make sure that your mind and body are at ease. What's holding you back?"

You stay frozen in place as Qimir comes closer to you. You're not sure what to say. Do you tell him the truth? Do you lie? Surely, he knows you'd be lying, right? Maybe if you bend the truth a little it wouldn't really be a l-

You gasp when his hand cups your face, "It's because of me, isn't it?"

You want to deny it, but before a word comes out, he gives you a knowing smirk, "I know it's because of me." His hand trails down your neck, to your shoulder, "It's okay, you can let go," he whispers and that's all you hear before you're pressing your lips to his.

He grabs you by the hips, pulling you flush against him. You gasp when you feel his hardening member pressed against you.

He grinds into you and you can’t help but moan into the kiss. He pulls his lips away, only to press hot kisses along your jaw and down your neck.

“Qimir,” you say his name breathlessly, arms wrapping around his shoulders.

He slowly backs you towards the rocks, pressing you against the hard surface as he kisses you again. He grinds against you more and your body fills with desire. You want him. You need him.

“Please,” you beg, “I want to let go.”

He pulls away just enough for him to ask, “Are you sure?”

You nod, “Yes,” you whisper.

His hand goes to your thigh and lifts it to hook around his waist. He rests his forehead against yours as he murmurs, “Tell me if it becomes too much.”

He slowly inserts himself in you and you gasp, nails digging into his shoulders as he fills you up.

You moan as he slowly moves his hips against you. You run a hand up the back of Qimir’s neck and grip his hair as he hits you in a particular spot that makes you loudly moan.

His groans of pleasure mix with yours as he continues to thrust into you.

“You’re mine. I told you: we’re meant to be,” he murmurs into your skin.

You nod in agreement, “I’m yours.”

Hearing those two words spurs Qimir on even more. He quickens his pace. His hands gripping tightly onto your leg and hip.

One of your hands still remains in his hair while the other digs your nails into his shoulder. He stares deeply into your eyes with his dark brown ones.

“You are my equal. My one. We share a bond that cannot be broken. You will be at my side always,” he states in between panting breaths.

“Always,” you recite with a moan as your own pleasure builds up.

He buries his face into your neck as he thrusts harshly into you one…two…three times before his hips still and he’s spilling into you.

“Qi-“ you moan his name while your own wave of pleasure washes over you.

You let out a gasp and a long deep breath, falling limp against the rock he took you against.

He continues to hold you despite your weakened state.

His breaths are short, hot, and heavy against your wet skin.

He leans back and you look at him, swiping his damp locks out of his face.

He kisses your palm, “How do you feel now?”

You give him a light chuckle, “Free.”

[tarotofhope]

PAC: 【What do your parents think about you & Why ?】

(Please Read My Pinned post *IMPORTANT NOTE* before selecting a Pile)

Pick an Image by meditating and selecting the image you feel called to. You can be attracted towards more than 1 image. If you are not able to select maybe this reading isn't for you.

𖨆 Pile 1

Cards: Death, 3 of Wands, 6 of Swords, 8 of Cups, Strength, Queen of Wands, 4 of Cups, The World, 9 of Wands.

Welcome to your reading, Pile 1. There's a lot of heavy energy in this pile because there are two 8s in the cards. For some of the audience reading this pile, Either, both of your parents/one of your parents could have passed away when you were very young and you had to live with your relatives or in foster homes. For some of you, even if your parents were alive, they could've been so busy that they left you under the care of other people most of your childhood and teen age. For the remaining audience, I'm getting that even if both of your parents were alive and not so busy, they were very over-protective, over-bearing and strict, so you never opened up to them, you kept your thoughts to yourself and they never got to know you very well. All in all, whoever took your custody, didn't do their job well. You got sick and tired of them, and you've always been looking for a listening ear and comfort in the outside world. You've been waiting for someone to truly understand you and love your soul, someone who doesn't tie you up(not in a literal sense, iykyk) just because they're concerned about your safety, someone who respects your right to freedom. You might have left your guardian/parents behind and went out on your own journey to discover yourself, embracing your independence. It took a lot of courage and strength to do this, but you did it anyway. You might have faced a few major ups and downs in your life as a result of which you became mature much faster than your peers. You're much stronger now and you'll continue to be so. Your journey is from hardships to finally becoming The Queen of Wands. You might have good judgement of people and their intentions. Your parents/guardian might say that they were protecting you from harm all this time, that's why they were strict with you, they want your best and so on..but in reality, you know that wasn't required, what they actually did was messed you up. For some of you, they could be keeping you from going far away from them, because now they expect you to take care of them. They're not allowing you to grow and be your own person. Now, see, people from different countries will have different outlook on this. Indeed, old people need care but keeping a young person trapped and not letting them have a life of their own is not right. Raising children with the intention of getting something in return during oldage, is outright selfish.

That's all I got for you, my dear Pile 1.

Love, light, peace and hope to you..🌸🍁🌻🌼

𖨆 Pile 2

Cards: The Hierophant, The King of Pentacles, The Sun, 8 of Wands Rev. clarified by The World, The Fool clarified by Ace of Pentacles, Ace of Cups clarified by 2 of Pentacles, Queen of Swords.

Welcome to your reading, Pile 2. You guys along with pile 1 are my brave and bold people, I must say. Great leadership qualities you've got. Even your parents think so. They just think that you don't realize this, they think that you're not aware of your full potential and you're not quite out there as you should be in order to become a successful person. They think you're also very demanding of them and you don't understand the value of money. They also know that you're religious or traditional in a way but you make your own rules when it comes to you. They know you'd do very well when you'll be in a position to lead a group of people. I can see 2 scenarios here, few of you could themselves be facing a hard time in love, struggling a lot, while others of you could be giving a hard time to people who are in love with you/romantically interested in you, such as rejecting proposals, having commitment issues, intentionally or unintentionally breaking other people's heart. You are more ambitious and goal oriented and interested in focusing on your career rather than love. Your parents can sense this, whether you talk about these issues or not. You seem like a very practical and rational person to your parents and so you're not verbal about how much you love them, you're a person of actions. Your love language could be acts of service or gift giving. They also think that you believe in yourself so much that nobody can bring you down. Yet there is this issue that you somehow do not realize the amount of power you hold, that you have the ability to achieve big things in life. Your parents already see you as the King of Pentacles, The Hierophant, but they think you're not working up to it whether they've ever said this to you or not.

That's all I got for you, my dear Pile 2.

Love, light, peace and hope to you..🌸🍁🌻🌼

𖨆 Pile 3

Cards: 3 of Pentacles, Temperance, 2 of Swords clarified by The Moon, 4 of Wands, 2 of Wands, 3 of Wands, Ace of Swords, High Priestess, Queen of Pentacles.

Welcome to your reading, Pile 3. Your parents think that you're very mature and you can also give good advice to people. They think you're quite sensible and philosophically, you're very open minded but when it comes to being sure of your own life, you get very confused. You might be torn between choosing your career and settling down. You don't know how to balance both. You're confused about what could come upon you if you do both the things. Currently, you could be more focused on your career, you might be wanting to achieve stability in your career first or you have a set target of achieving something specific in regards to your professional life. As far as your love life is concerned, whatever your relationship status might be, you seem heavily confused because you're afraid that your love life might interfere with your professional life. Your parents are very concerned about this because they want you to have more clarity in life and they want you to arrive at a proper conclusion. They might be trying to give you advice on this, but you're still confused and want to be left alone to decide for yourself on such significant matters of your life. Some of you might be into long distance relationships and so you're even more confused while some of you want to travel abroad for work and settle there. A few of you might even be waiting for your visa or if you're already abroad, you might be waiting for your citizenship. I'm also seeing lot of arguments here, between you and your parents. Your parents might be traditional and they might want you to have a traditional approach to life too. They want you to become responsible in life. You might want to travel the world or enjoy your life your way no matter how messed up it may look like to others. You don't want to have regrets later on in life. Your parents think you're not clear-headed though you seem so put together, they think you're so much internally balanced but you're not using your inner guidance in this matter.

That's all I got for you, my dear Pile 3.

Love, light, peace and hope to you..🌸🍁🌻🌼

𖨆 Pile 4

Cards: 9 of Cups, Page of Pentacles, The Hierophant, Queen of Pentacles, 9 of Pentacles clarified by Justice, The Sun, The Tower, King of Cups, 8 of Pentacles and 4 of Cups.

Welcome to your reading, Pile 4. Your parents think you're very lazy. You could belong to an upper middle class family or a financially well off family. They think you've been fortunate enough to have everything you demand available to you within no time. They think they've spoiled you but they still love you so much. Some of you could be an only child. Some of you could've started your own business or joined your family business. They know you're someone who wouldn't like to work under anyone, you would want your own thing. Your parents know that you're very talented but you don't do anything about it or you don't extract the full advantage out of it. They believe you can show the world how talented you are, that you are your own individual person, unique and full of potential despite coming from a wealthy family. They don't want the world to tell you later on that you didn't achieve anything on your own. You could have also inherited a lot of ancestral property or wealth. You want to continue having this kind of life in your future too but you're not working hard enough for it. You might also be very young at heart or very childish. You like to be spoon fed or you want others to do your work for you. Your parents might also have this fear that, if you don't learn your lessons by yourself, life will find out other ways to teach you and then that would put you in a tough situation and you wouldn't like it, you might have to learn the hard way then. That's why they want you to work hard for yourself and your future. You might also have too many friends, too many people who might not even be your well wishers. Your parents(even your guides) want you to choose wisely. You need to focus on yourself and that can be done only when you'll be in solitude. You need to observe more and be more connected with yourself.

That's all I got for you, my dear Pile 4.

Love, light, peace and hope to you..🌸🍁🌻🌼

𖨆 Pile 5

Cards: Justice, 4 of Swords, 4 of Cups, The Hanged Man, 6 of Pentacles, 4 of Pentacles, The Empress, 9 of Cups Rev, The Tower and The Emperor.

Welcome to your reading, Pile 5. Your parents think that you're unbiased and fair. You don't do things to show off or to impress anyone. You'll let people hate you for the things you do, which you think is right in your heart. Even your parents could be a little irked by how you defend yourself and others because they think you're arguing when you're just putting your point across. They think you're the quiet, calm and lonely child of your house. You not only like your solitude but you thrive in it. You function best when you're left alone, they think. They know you're also the one who hates conflicts but would start a fight if you're being wronged. They also think you're emotionally very sensitive and would go out of your way to help others. Your parents also want you to let go of the past and the things that hurt you, because you get yourself stuck in the sorrow and hurt and then you just don't budge, you don't move on. It takes a lot for you to get out of an emotional turmoil. They like how you're happy with your own self but they also want you to get out of your comfort zone and be out there more, make friends, talk more, socialize more. Maybe you have a very few friends or no friends at all. They think you'll succeed in your life if you go out and travel more because they think you also lack confidence and boldness. They think you're also very protective of them, very caring and family oriented. They want you to become strong because you might have faced a lot of difficulties earlier and you still appear very naive and weak to them(for a few of you, your parents or others might even tease you for appearing naive and weak) but I think you have a lot of inner strength, pile 5, which the world doesn't see. They think you're the disciplined and obedient child. They know you'll stick to them in tough times but some of your parents might even be taking advantage of you. They also think that you're not smart and clever enough to understand tricky situations/people, you may or may not be so.

That's all I got for you, my dear Pile 5.

Love, light, peace and hope to you..🌸🍁🌻🌼

Thank you so much for being here. I post PAC readings every Tuesday and Friday. Do love and support by reblogging, liking or following.

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[sebastianswallows]

The Little Death — 10. Something more than immediate joy

— PAIRING: Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen x Bene Gesserit!Reader

— SYNOPSIS: A Bene Gesserit gets left behind in the Arrakeen palace. When Feyd becomes the Planetary Governor, he finds her there in hiding. The Harkonnens don't traditionally keep them as truthsayers or concubines like other Houses do, but Feyd might have a use for her. After all, he's never had a Bene Gesserit of his own before.

— WARNINGS: none

— WORDCOUNT: 2k

— TAGLIST: @elf-punk @lowlyloved @pomtherine @slytherins-heir @babyofneptune @localravenclaw @missbingu @wo-ming-bai @torossosebs

People always want something more than immediate joy or that deeper sense called happiness. This is one of the secrets by which we shape the fulfilment of our designs. — Leadership Secrets of the Bene Gesserit

When she was done tending to Feyd she tried to start her morning but found she hardly could. Still a little dizzy after the night before, and weak and sore, she thought to take a shower but remembered that they were on Arrakis. She’d have a better chance of trying to bathe in gold. Water was more available in the palace than among the natives, even in Arrakeen, but they were all subject to restrictions. All of them except the ruling class. Feyd offered to let her wash with him when he saw how dour and upset she was as she scrubbed her body clean with a rough cloth — a suggestion he made with ample delight — but she wasn’t ready to be so close to him again.

“Are you sure?” he asked, cocking a smooth brow.

“Yes, thank you,” she muttered, feeling bitter that he even offered. She would not find herself in his debt, not for physical comforts at least.

Her mind was still reeling from his viciousness and love throughout the morning. He had been merciless in taking her, and to her shame, he noticed how much she enjoyed it by the end. She was never supposed to enjoy it… At least that wasn’t her plan. It terrified her to think that maybe it was his. And then, as if she hadn’t been confused enough, he’d melted before her like a globe of snow when she sat in his lap to paint his teeth all black. She was quite relieved when he left her for the day, but not before placing a chaste kiss on her forehead. His lips felt softer than she thought they should.

Meditation was ruined as well. All her thoughts kept turning to him, to herself, to what they’d done together, to how she submitted. It was all going according to her plan for survival — he liked her and he seemed to like her more and more each day. She should have been happy because with each humiliation she was closer to getting off that planet, maybe even rejoining her Sisters. So why wasn’t she happy…? Why wasn’t she even satisfied with herself and instead felt a disappointment? Every way she turned her thoughts she met a wall built by herself and which she was too scared to pull back down. It was a decision her mind almost made for her that she should wander off outside the palace and into Arrakeen. She knew the lay of the city and could navigate it even blind if need be, even though she hadn’t been there more than a dozen times throughout her stay. I have to be somewhere that doesn’t remind me of him, she thought, justifying it to herself.

The streets of Arrakeen had the quality of being loud and quiet all at once. The stilted Fremen speech had adapted among the city dwellers to something more descriptive, more precise, bordering on rude and yet eminently practical. Low voices carried far between those square stone buildings and the noise of animals and pottery filled in all the empty spaces. The market drew her in by being the noisiest, perfect for forgetting and losing herself in a crowd. With her black robes and the veil around her head, she could pass through unseen, without drawing any glances. Raw artistry surrounded her from every side, simple things with quite elaborate designs, ordinary objects vastly different from anything found now within the Harkonnen-held palace but frail, and temporary, and weak. Nothing caught her eye, but nothing had to. She wasn’t there to buy. But she stopped when something glinted on a seller’s table that snagged on her memory and pulled her in. As she approached, a shadow swathed in black among a sea of grey and brown, she realised why the little broken items were so familiar to her. They were scraps from when the Atreides were there. Leftovers picked up after the sacking… Stolen, perhaps, but certainly with no owner now.

“What does the lady want?” the merchant asked in his weak, raspy voice. Only his eyes were visible, bright blue from between threadbare rags.

“Nothing,” she said, still looking at his wares.

“Cheap,” he said. “One Solari for ten.”

“No, thank you.”

“Twenty.”

“I don’t barter,” she said, shocking him into silence.

Still, she stayed and looked, her eyes traversing the items on their own as if her mind had her own design. Memories of her past life came to her just from the gentle glint of a spoon, its handle beautifully ornate with little silver waves, or a hair comb with two teeth missing, or a half-filled bottle of perfume. She wondered if she’d ever see such things again, items small and beautiful just for beauty’s sake, bright and coloured and loved. She was sick already of Harkonnen black... But these thoughts were unworthy of a Bene Gesserit, and she pulled herself away before the merchant could tempt her into spending her paltry sum of money on a useless thing. And she was in mid-step when she noticed from the corner of her eye a square and greenish thing that had often appeared in her nightmares as a girl. She stopped, head turned toward it to confirm what she was seeing, and remained transfixed.

It was difficult to barter its price down once the merchant saw her interest, and she was reluctant to use the Voice over so small a thing, but she bought it in the end for a fraction of what it was worth, even though it missed its poisoned needle. It was a Gom Jabbar, or more specifically the box that went with one. Impossible to say if it belonged to the ladies Jessica or Margot or to someone else, but it was hers now, and she walked back to the palace with a new spring in her step.

Feyd had asked for one of these at their first meeting, and as she got to know him she learned just how much he enjoyed pain. Their first night together with her between his legs came back as a dizzying flash in her mind and made her blush. She could return to that again now, return to that sense of power over him — and make him happy too. A part of her was also privately excited to see just how he would react. How long he’d last.

She hid herself in some small room upon arriving, far away from the shouting and the crying that came along with the Harkonnen household. And there in dark and silence she took it out, placed her hand in it, and felt the still familiar burn. She had to try it out before she presented it to him. Find out if it worked. Find out if it hurt just as badly as it used to. This is just what he needs, she thought, and perhaps what I need too. The agony ran up her arm, singing her nerves, setting her skin on fire, and settled like a swarm of butterflies at the back of her head. Her body sang with the instinct to pull her hand away — and she could, she could at any time. There was no Gom Jabbar at her neck, no Reverend Mother there. But there was something about knowing that it wasn’t real, something about knowing that she was safe while doing it that made her addicted to the feeling. Her eyes stung, her heart stuttered, and a cry fought its way out of her throat. It was decadent, being able to cry out with no one there to hear it…

When she greeted Feyd that evening in his quarters, he paused at the sight of her. The expression on his face gave her perverted joy.

“Hello,” he greeted gently, slowly letting the doors behind him close. “Good day?”

“You can say that…”

“You’re smiling. Glowing, even…”

She sat upon the windowsill, leaning in a sapless pose against the wall, and watched him as he watched her while he moved across the room. He took his blades out first and placed them on the table, as he often did, and started to undo his armour.

“Let me help you,” she said.

“I thought that sort of thing was beneath you,” he murmured as she came close.

She smiled as she began to pull the straps away, first at his arms and then his chest and then around his waist.

“I only do it,” she whispered, “because I want to.”

“And why do you want to?”

“Do you check your spice for the perfect shade of orange?”

“I have it checked for poison.”

“No you don’t,” she laughed.

“No, I don’t, but perhaps I should.”

She pulled his armour away, smiling — because she knew he was more delighted than suspicious.

“Sit on the bed,” she said softly, brushing a hand across his naked shoulder. “I have a gift for you.”

He seemed to choke on hearing that and a thought like a cloud passed over his mind. She wondered if he had any bad associations with gifts — because he seemed to — but she was in far too good a mood to worry about that now. Feyd listened to her and sat down, and waited with a knot in his throat for her to come back to him in her veil of vaporous black. She didn’t show him what she had until she was right in front of him, kneeling, with the little thing she had hidden in a drawer by the bed.

“You asked me for something on the day we met. Something I can give to you now. Something I think you deserve…”

“You’re awfully vague for someone so happy,” he said archly, leaning back on his strong arms. “Well? What is it?”

“If you’ll be petulant, you’ll get nothing.”

“You better give it to me before I turn petulant, then.”

“Incorrigible…” she muttered.

Feyd didn’t seem too sure he would enjoy her gift until she unfolded the towel she’d hidden it in and revealed the small metal box. He recognised it immediately and his face turned from a frown to a smile to a look of wonder.

“I thought you said —”

“I only found it today. Left by the Atreides, I believe.”

She tilted her head slightly as she looked up at him. He was like a child getting a long-desired birthday present, and she couldn’t help but want to coddle him. And what a dour present it was… To anyone other than a Harkonnen it would’ve been an insult, even an ill omen, or at least exceedingly strange. Not to Feyd though. He reached out for it, his pale hand suspended in the air for just a moment, then pulled away.

“Does it still work?”

“It does.”

“How do you know?” he asked, then paused to look into her eyes. “You tried it,” he noted with a grin. “Did you enjoy it?”

“Not as much as you seem to,” she smirked. “In fact, not much at all. It brings back… uneasy memories.”

“We’ll make new memories together, then.”

How sweet he is, she thought, when he gets what he wants.

She placed it on the bed beside him with her hand above and looked into his eyes. He’d done it before. He knew what followed. He swallowed the knot in his throat and took in deep breaths, steeling himself the way he would before a fight in the arena.

“Do you want to put your hand inside it?” she whispered.

Feyd kept his gaze fixed on the little thing as if he expected a scorpion to crawl out of its mouth. If he were capable of it, he would have blushed.

“How long do I have to keep it inside?” he asked in a rough low voice.

She reached into her dress again, moving as slowly as a snake, and then, in a motion that was deceivingly calm as if she did it every night, she took out a slender blade.

“As long as you can,” she said, holding the edge against his stomach. “That’s the game.”

Feyd’s eyes moved to the knife against his skin and then he looked at her and giggled. He placed his hand in the box and licked his lips, his pale eyes staring her down from above.

[thrashkink-coven]

Special reminder to all the new Luciferians that forgot that he is the adversary, yeah, he’s gonna fuck with you FOR FUN.

If you’ve been working with Lucifer for a week or so and have started getting “conflicting” messages, you are not alone 😩. Lucifer loves to test us, he loves to see how deep our values go. He will purposely say things you disagree with or it would seem like he would disagree with just to fuck with you. This dude LOVES to debate.

For example, a large part of my relationship with Lucifer involved coming to terms with my neurodivergency. For weeks we were working on accepting my limits, being aware of my disorders and having patience for myself. But during a meditation I got the very strong message from him “People with mental illnesses are just looking for an excuse to be lazy”

and I was like ????? what the fuck???? No they’re not??? You fucking idiot???? Who am I talking to right now???? And he was like “yes and anyone who claims to have a disorder without a diagnosis are just looking for attention. Prove me wrong if you think differently”

and I blew up, providing so many arguments for why he’s wrong and why that stance is so stupid, and eventually after a while he was like “Hm… that’s interesting. I guess you’re right. Now that we’ve established this I guess we won’t need entertain the idea anymore”

and any time after that, when I was having self doubts, maybe I’m just faking it for attention, maybe I’m just lazy, Lucifer has been like “OH! So I guess I WAS right!” and I’ve been like NOOO!!!!!! YOURE WRONG!!! THE ENTIRE IDEA IS STUPID AND I WONT LET YOU TELL ME OTHERWISE!!!

and Lucifer will then be like “Oh, good then. Don’t let you tell you otherwise either”.

He will press your boundaries, even if only to make sure YOU know where your boundaries are. When writing a spell together Lucifer has been like “yes, we will also need to sacrifice a cat”

and I’ve been like “wtf no we’re not sacrificing a cat why the hell would I do that”

and he’s responded “Because I said so. You will obey my order without question.” (again, extremely out of character, this is a test’!)

until I finally put my foot down and say “I don’t care who or what you are, doing this goes against my core values and I will not abandon those for you or anyone. With all due respect I refuse to do this task”

and Lucifer will be like “I’m just fucking with you, I really liked the way you stood your ground against me though, that was very hot”

and for even less obvious things, Lucifer will test you. He wants to know why you think the things you think. We recently had a very long conversation about the concept of Pedophilia. Super uncomfortable, a conversation I didn’t know we’d ever have, but it was important. He starts by asking me if pedophilia is wrong. Um what??? Obviously???

“Why is it wrong? Explain your reasoning.”

Well because it hurts kids.

“What about non offending pedophiles? What about pre offending reformed pedophiles?”

You don’t have to have the answer to those questions, but you must understand that the answers to those questions matter, even though they are incredibly uncomfortable. Are there evil people? Do evil people deserve empathy? What is an evil person? I don’t like thinking about that, that’s the reason why I don’t have an answer. Lucifer will force you to come to that answer.

“How do we conduct a society where we prevent pedophiles from hurting children without creating another form of discrimination? Do you believe pedophiles deserve empathy? Do they deserve to die? How do we deal with murderers and rapists without becoming murderers and rapists ourselves? How do you console yourself with the reality that some people genuinely enjoy evil things? If you were the Emperor of Hell, how would you manage all the most wicked people who have ever lived? Why is incest bad? Why is murder bad? Do racists deserve to die? Do war criminals deserve to die? Who should be allowed to determine who deserves to die? How far does your empathy extend to people who have done horrible things? How does your moral compass navigate these complex scenarios? What is right and what is wrong? Why do you believe the things you believe?”

There will be times when it seems like he’s trying to do everything in his power to just disagree with you. It’ll seem like he’s leading you to argue with him, and that’s exactly what he’s doing. He’ll ask you questions that should seem like common sense. He’s establishing that not only is it okay to disagree with him, but that at times, he will force you to, to ensure that you are not deriving your own personal values from “whatever God tells you”. He will lie to you, just to see if you’re able to identity a lie. He will say things that he obviously doesn’t believe, only to hear why YOU don’t believe it. It’s important to be firm on your boundaries even if your God is pushing them. You should not be afraid to disagree. You should not be afraid to disobey if it is important to you. Lucifer is not a Shepard and you are not a sheep. You need to understand your own morality alone, without God, without a cheat sheet telling you the answers. and you need to be firm on those. To the point that if God Himself told you differently, you wouldn’t budge.

So if you’ve started working with him recently and are confused as to why he suddenly started saying things you disagree with, investigate what he may be trying to get across. You’ll learn a lot more about yourself.

[divine-crows]

🎨✨️Art Magic✨️🎨

Uses, Forms of it, and Why I Think Everyone Should Try it at Least Once.

Foreword

Right before the COVID-19 pandemic hit, I had been trying and failing to rekindle my flame for magic work. No matter what I tried to do I just couldn't get back into my studies and I was reaching a point where I was convinced I lost my spark and was doomed to live an empty life. Then it all changed when a YouTube Channel challenged how I thought about everything: Molly Roberts. That's when I was opened to the possibility of art magic, and I'll now share my love of it with anyone willing to read on.

What Is Art Magic?

A means to utilize art for spellwork, raising magical energy, or for exploring your magical subconscious. It encapsulates multiple different types of art and is generally not confined by conventional expectation (unless that's what you prefer).

You can utilize art magic by. . .

Using traditional art methods

Digital art methods

Collages

Music composition

Jewelry making

Embroidery

And much more!

How do I know if Art Magic is Suitable for Me?

There isn't a specific thing that'll indicate this form of magic is perfect for you, however I have some anecdotes from my personal experience as both a witch, and a regular artist that form a sort of idea on what could denote this being perfect for you!

First off, craving freedom from personal restraints was a big factor that pushed me towards blending my craft with my passion for art. If you want to run from the monotony of life, if you feel trapped by the social construction of boxes, or if you simply want to challenge your own mental restraints... then this idea might resonate with you.

Challenging yourself with a new form of magic, similarly, can also be a good enough reason to try. I'm the type of person who loves to constantly learn new things and I unfortunately get bored really quickly if I can't get new source materials. Using Art Magic has proven a fun challenge for me that allows me to explore a lot more topics you can't just open a book to find.

For those that may not be able to safely perform a lot of traditional style spells, this form of magic provides a discreet way to practice witchcraft. Most people wouldn't really question someone if they picked up the hobby of making art, and even if they did there's plenty of reasonable excuses out there.

How you prefer your spells to manifest themselves can also affect if this journey is a good idea or not. I find that Art Magic is really good when it comes to subtle spellwork that is more longform (though depending on how you construct them you can definitely create a spell that's the opposite).

Catalog aspects of your magical journey. Imagine a grimoire filled with pages of drawings, each one telling a story of something you experienced or learned as a witch. This especially may be more beneficial for visual learners.

You could use it as a means of meditation, sometimes art can be calming and it can open the door to your mind (so-to-speak). Especially if you're like me and struggle with staying completely still while trying to clear your mind, this may be helpful for you.

Trying to better understand archetypes, deities, types of entities, or even your own self can also be a big part of this. I've used art magic as a way to embody the "energy" of something before so I could better understand it. Especially when you're trying to seek knowledge that isn't often written on, it can provide a great way to explore more.

How Can I perform an Art Spell?

I have a step-by-step process that can give you some insight on how you may approach it:

1) Think of the intention you want. I like to close my eyes and meditate on it for about a minute then I write down if my mind wandered to any specific imagery or ideas.

2) Think of visual symbolism and colors that can help you capture the mood you want. Perhaps you need a warm color palette to invoke positive feelings, or maybe there are specific objects or animals you can include on the composition that represent something.

3) If you feel it fits your composition, you can include sigils, symbols of significance, and include shapes that have certain associations. It doesn't even have to be obvious either. You can use a circular composition to convey something endless for example, or a triangular composition to show priority over something.

4) In general follow what your heart tells you. This is a little cliche, but ultimately follow what seems best to you. Art isn't about boxing yourself in and my guidelines are just general ideas for anyone who's lost!

Why do I think that everyone should try it at least once?

From my experiences as a witch, I find that a lot of paths to be followed are quite rigid. By no means am I implying that a rigid structure is bad-- it creates a foundation from which we can work upon. I myself am exploring rigid, 'traditional' (for lack of a better term) ways of working magic. Art magic pushes you out of your comfort zone in a safe way. It makes you consider how you associate things. It makes you create new sigils and makes you research new symbols you previously wouldn't have used.

So next time you're lost on a spell, or you've lost your way in your Craft and you don't know what to do, think about maybe giving Art Magic a try. I hope my guide was a helpful starting point for anyone interested in the topic!

[violetmatcha]

But in your dreams, whatever they be

Dream a little dream of me

4,194 words

Author's note: Hi! This is my first attempt at writing in about a decade, so I'll take any feedback. I wrote it for @itsagoodluckkiss but there is no identifying description in the text. Enjoy :)

Fic: 3rd person pov, Zoro x F!reader, Zoro's pov, no use of "you" or "y/n", fluff.

Zoro emerges from a nap but keeps his eyes shut. The sun warms his skin, the wind alleviates the heat, the hug is soft and loving. The hug? Zoro looks down. Their bodies are entangled, she is sleeping still. When did that happen? Zoro has no recollection of before the nap, he freezes so that his shock does not wake her. When did they grow so close? Was it an accident? Should he wake her up? She looks comfortable, a content smile drawn on her lips. Zoro forces his muscles to relax one by one, breathing steadily. Since he could not move without waking her up, he’d simply wait.

Zoro wakes up. It was a dream. Of course it was just a dream. The heat is too high in the crow’s nest, he needs air. His heart is loud in his ears but his pace is steady. Why did he dream of her? And why like that? There has never been more between them than the fraternal respect that naturally forms between crewmates.

When he reaches the kitchen he hesitates, her laugh bounces off the walls joyfully. He needs a drink, but he doesn't want to cross her path for now. But why would he avoid her? It was only a dream, it’s between him and his subconscious. He resumes his march, grabs a glass and a bottle.

“Hey Zoro, are you up to train me for a bit today? I want to work on my-”

“I’m busy today.” he cuts her off.

“Okay, no problem!” she turns back to Robin, her mind already off the topic.

He finds himself a corner, gulps down the sake, and lies down. No, sleeping is not the best idea. Images of his dream flash before his eyes. The sweet warmth fills his lungs and sits within his throat. He does not need this. Not right now. He has a dream to fulfill and a captain to support. And a crew. And she’s in this crew as well. She’ll be at his side until they win over the world.  

Maybe.

Maybe it’s not such a bad idea. Maybe it would be nice, later, when they have fulfilled their goals, when they have less pressing problems to deal with. Or maybe she has no interest in him, and she will turn to someone else. Zoro takes a deep breath. His mind is racing, he needs to still his thoughts. Meditation seems to be the best option.

*

Zoro has been acting douchey lately. Hot or cold. He can’t help it, he’s troubled.  She does seem to have noticed, or if she has, she does not say anything, but her eyes follow his trail with concern. She knows not to force a discussion with him, but his withdrawal leaves her chest hollow.

He can’t ask Luffy for his opinion on the matter, he would announce it to the whole sea within minutes. He would rather die by his hand than to ask the shitty cook for his opinion on the matter. He cannot trust Nami or Robin not to tell her if he goes to them. This is a dead end, and a frustrating one. He cannot force his way out of this.

He must get rid of the image. It’s not even feelings, it’s just images! And sensations. A deep breath that reaches every cell in the body. A cloud of mist under the midday rays of sun. Warmth, serenity, repose. His palms cover his face with a grunt. Chopper, who witnessed his turmoil, approaches him.

“Hey Zoro! Do you want to play pirates with me?”

“We are pirates Chopper.” a small smile breaches his face.

“Yea, you’re right.” Chopper looks down in embarrassment. “But we can play robots!”

“You should ask Luffy for that.” he responds gently.

“Well, uh, I wanted to do something with you because you’re different than you usually are. Are you hurt? Do you drink enough water? You know that alcohol dehydrates you so you need to be careful!” the little one lets his thoughts flow out. What about your sleep, are you training too hard, are you feeling under the weather… That’s his ticket. The problem is, indeed, his sleep.

 “I have trouble getting restful sleep.” Zoro confides.

“I can help with that! I have some medicine that you can take. Now follow me to the infirmary, I will ask you some questions…” Zoro tunes out the sound. He has found his saving grace.

His saving grace did let him sleep more, but it certainly did not erase the memories of the dream. In fact, it has given his brain more time to fabricate intricate dreams of how this love must feel. He did not know that his brain had retained so much needless information. The hairdo that she always does when it’s windy. The faint smell of salt in her hair. The hue that paints her cheeks when a fire is crackling in front of her.

His dreams are so frustrating, he can’t go back now. There is a growing restlessness, it fills his body and mind. Each dream feeds it. He can’t ignore her when he knows exactly what he could be entertaining. That is, if she is into him at all. He can’t risk too much, the dynamics in the crew are the priority. He paces, his gaze intently fixed on the waves. Is a storm about to take place? He tries to find Nami, his eyes trip on her.

 “Hey, you know where Nami is?” his voice tries to reach her through the noise of the waves.

“No, sorry. Do you need something?” she inquires. He was about to go look for her when he pauses. He made up his mind, that starts now.

“I think the weather is about to get violent, I wanted to check with her.”

“I can find her for you, if you wish.”

“Sure.” He did not need it, but he accepted. If she wanted to help, he would always let her.

The storm is rough, the waves are forceful, and the clouds ate away the sun. The crew was prepared, working as one to push through with the least amount of damage possible. Zoro is pulling on a rope. He cannot see much around him; the rain clouds his vision. Each crew member is an ant trying to protect the rest of the colony. There are shouts here and there, orders, responses, cries for help and requests for assistance. This one is tough, the worst one in a while. Zoro’s mind wanders. Is she safe? What is she working on? He has not crossed paths with her since they talked. He hopes she is inside, dry, warm and safe.

The rope slips, Zoro quickly grips it and pulls firmly. Luffy tells him to pay attention with a laugh. Sanji’s voice calls to the crew, one of the rope tore, the barrels are rolling around and crashing into everything. Seeing that Zoro and Luffy are busy, he calls for Franky. Franky’s enthusiastic voice booms, he is working with Sanji to immobilize everything.

“I brought more ropes!” she tries to find Franky through the rain and wind.

“Get inside you’re going to catch a cold.” Zoro spoke before thinking. She walks towards him. She is looking at him keenly. “What?” Zoro says curtly. She smiles and walks away, guided by Franky’s piercing voice.

The storm is far from showing any signs of weakening. It feels like the crew has been running around, tying ropes, holding on to stuff for hours. Zoro knows that muscles are starting to burn and stamina is running low among the crew. Usopp and chopper are calling for help on his left. Nami is growing frustrated at her inability to find a way out of the storm as the winds and currents are hectic.

“Franky! Do you have any idea of how to get out of this?” she inquires.

“No! The barrels of cola are super shaken up by the storm.” he pauses to nail down a chair. “It’s too unstable to risk a coup de burst!”

“Fuck!” Nami rages.

A loud thud makes the wooden planks vibrate.  Then another. “Ow! You ok miss?” Franky asks.

“Shit, uh, I need help.” her voice reaches Franky and Zoro. She is very calm, that triggers an alarm in Zoro’s mind.

“Franky can you hold this?” Zoro asks “I’ll check on her.” Franky responds with a thumbs up. Zoro reaches his target rapidly, guided by her curses.

“How the hell did you end up like that?” he reproaches.

“My arms were shaking so I tied the rope around my hips to use my weight to hold it down,” she states in a matter-of-fact way, as if that was the most logical decision to make, “everything is so slippery because of the rain.”

“That’s dumb and dangerous you could end up overboard or break your spine. I’ll hold the rope while you get out.” he pauses, “I told you to go inside.”

A sudden gust of wind cuts him off as her body slammed into the railings. He rushes to get a hold of the rope. The raindrops feel like needles. She fumbles with the rope, but it does not loosen around her. Zoro switches strategy. He positions himself behind her, places his arms around her and pulls at the rope so it doesn’t strangle her. He hooks his ankles between the bars of the railings and drops them both to the ground, holding steady. “Oh so using our weight was a good strategy huh?” she laughs. Zoro chuckles.

“Should I let you fly around around like a bannerflag maybe?” he humors.

“I have to admit I’m much more comfortable with this configuration.”

Zoro clears his throat, “You should really try to get out of this rope, it restricts your blood circulation.”

She lets go of the rope to reach down to her belt. “I have my dagger I can cut it off.” She does so swiftly. “Uh, I’ll wait for a moment of respite to run inside.” Zoro hums in response, his eyes are fixated on the rope.

*

After the storm died down Sanji gets to cooking a warming meal. Everyone is huddled together in the common room, wrapped in blankets and towels. The small smile  from earlier is still stuck on her face. Zoro is staring and he knows it. He can’t help but think about this smile. What does it mean? It doesn’t look like she’s mocking him. Is she happy because of what he said? Has she understood? What is there to understand? Robin silently sits down near him, interrupting his thoughts:

“She is relieved because you had been distant for a while.”

“Has Sanji told you what we are eating tonight?” Zoro tries to act indifferent.

“No, but she told me that you talked to her multiple times today.” Robin responds.

Zoro looks at Robin, not hiding his surprise. Robin laughs. She opens a book and dives into it. Zoro waits for more information, but he refuses to ask. Robin does not budge. Sanji brings her tea and tells him to stop annoying such a precious lady. Zoro does not respond to him. He downs his drink, looking at the wall. He clears his mind, focusing on the patterns in the wood. His body, however, does not let him forget what is happening. His heart is beating loudly, his mouth is dry.

Diner is ready. He gets up and finds a seat mechanically.  He tunes out the conversations around him and focuses on the food. A bottle enters his field of view. His gaze follows the bottle, the hand, the arm, up to the face.

“Do you want some wine? It’s a dry white wine from the last island.” she says gently.

“Uh, yeah. Thank you. Do you like it?” Zoro’s voice is soft and ponderous.

“Yes” she says eagerly, “I think it might be among my favorites actually.”

“Then I have to try it.” He says with a soft smile.

She must have drunk a few glasses already because her cheeks are red. Her smile is big, it crosses her face with no restraint. He picks up his drink and tastes it, his eyes still on her as she waits for his opinion.

“Too sweet for me but still pretty good.” He tries to hide a smirk.

“Sorry it’s not one of your throat-burning brews.” She says with a laugh.

It’s sweet, it’s easy, it’s almost natural. It’s the right choice, Zoro realizes. He basks in this decision, content. The meal is entertaining, they fall back into their usual banter.

*

Zoro had though that making the decision to pursue her was the most difficult step, but he was deeply mistaken. The most difficult part is to make her understand that he likes her. She is sweet and openly affectionate but oh so stubborn in her willful blindness. Over the previous weeks Zoro has done more to show her kindness than in their whole shared time as crewmates. Of course, she was happy now that he was close to her again, truly a ray of sunshine. But alas she did not seem to get the hints. He had chatted with Robin, trying to fish for information on how she viewed their relationship, how she felt, anything. But Robin had told him in mysterious terms that he would have to navigate these waters on his own.

As frustration was building up, he trained harder than ever before. The effort was so tasking that he could not spare a thought on anything else. But Zoro had not though about the repercussions of his actions and seeing him work so hard worried her. She checked on him frequently, day after day, brought him snacks, water and whatever she thought could be helpful to him. She did so in silence, she did not burden him with dialogue, she was just there. This made the situation impossibly hard to bear for Zoro, who did not know how to manage this new routine.

One day, as he was on watch, he had an epiphany. He could not treat this like it was a battle. He was trying to win her over, not to win against her. He did not have to fight against her presence in his thoughts. He did not need to dominate the dynamic. He could invite her presence, or, at least, go with the flow of things. She had shown that she was loyal to him whether he isolated himself, whether he pushed her away or whether he welcomed her companionship. Had he shown her even a fraction of this faith? To him it was obvious that he loved his crew deeply, and that he felt something else for her. But she never took people’s affection for granted.

She cherished the pieces of evidence that people loved her, he could see it daily. When the cook makes a nice dish for her, she always makes sure to compliment it, pointing out specific things she particularly likes. When Nami braids her hair, she keeps them until they are falling apart. She reads every book that Robin has suggested to her, always providing a summary of what she liked about it. Anything that is said or done for her she keeps close to her heart. After this realization, Zoro decided to show his fondness in a way that would be tangible for her.

                Over the following days Zoro accepted every one of her offers to train together. She was delighted. They sparred, he corrected her posture, they trained, he provided her with advice. This change of attitude did not go unnoticed by most inhabitants of the Sunny, but they did not make any comment. The mealtimes were the slightest bit more joyful and colors a tad more intense. Her smile kept on appearing behind his closed eyelids, but his naps became enjoyable once again.

*

“We will be at the port in twenty minutes, everyone regroup on deck!” Nami’s voice echoes. The crew forms a circle. Of course, Luffy wants to explore the mountains at the heart of the island. Chopper needs medical supplies and Sanji is writing a list of everything that needs to be restocked. “We’re going to draw two names from this hat, that will be the people who go with Luffy.” Nami states. Brook and Sanji. Great, they are less likely to lose him. Franky wants to stay on the boat to work on some things. Robin wants to go shopping for books and clothes, Nami is in.

“What are you planning to do?” Zoro turns to the woman at his left.

“Since Sanji is on Luffy duty I think I will do the food shopping. What about you?”

“I’ll come along; we’ll be able to carry more stuff.” Zoro replicates.

“Can I come too? I need to find some herbs and wound dressing.” Chopper’s light voice intervenes.

“Of course! Let me ask Nami for the Berries and Sanji for the list.” She smiles to the doctor and leaves swiftly. Usopp told them that he could not help them carry the stocks because he had a mission of primary importance and left in a hurry.

Their stroll around the farmer’s market is pleasant. There are plenty of fruits and vegetables, local specialties, trinkets and whatnot. Zoro buys violet sweets for Chopper. She stops in front of a stand. It sells fruits and flowers. Zoro is not sure of what she is looking at.

“You want to buy flowers?”

“Oh no, I am tempted to buy peaches. They are not on the list but one of my favorites ever is a peach pastry. It is a fond childhood memory. Do you think the crew would like it if I cooked it for all of us? It probably won’t be as good as Sanji’s cooking but-”

“Well, I want to try it.” Zoro cuts her off. Chopper nods energetically. She smiles and hollers at the vendors for a bunch of peaches. Afterwards they stop to rest on a bench as Chopper licks at a white peach ice cream that the owner of the previous stand gifted to him. They have so much to carry already but they are not nearly finished with the list. They will have to come back tomorrow. As they are quietly enjoying the scenery, a booming voice catches their attention. “Oi! Zoro!” a hand grasps his arm and pulls him out of his tranquility. He looks at her with big eyes, he opens his mouth to try to speak but it’s too late. He still catches sight and sound of her laughing at the captain’s antics.

*

As the sky’s hue reaches the darker blues, Zoro appears on the Sunny tired, hungry and slightly annoyed at he and his captain’s inability to find their way around. He finds the crew seated around a large meal. They are eating crepes with chocolate. Shit, that wont be enough. He mechanically takes a seat at the corner.

“I made you a plate, are you hungry? I wasn’t sure if you liked the sour or the spicy ones so I put both.”

He gives her a soft smile as a thank you. Brook brings him a beer. With great difficulty because his mouth is full, Luffy recounts the events of the day to the crew. Chopper wants to have a joke contest, Luffy, Franky and Brook celebrate the idea. Usop ask who would like to play some strategy game with him.

“I’m down to play! I can play chess and Go.”

Usopp sits down opposite of Zoro with a game set. Chess. Not the easiest game but fun.  The two players have similar levels. Sanji offers wine to everyone.

“I can’t I’m on watch next rotation.”

The game is tense and interesting. Usopp is very focused. She makes her move. No, she made a mistake. Usopp had laid a bait, and she walked straight into it. Usopp moves his rook thus confirming that he was baiting her. She reflects on what to do, unsure.

“Move the knight in C4.” Zoro mumbles.

After some hesitations she does.

“Zoro don’t help her it’s not fair!” Usopp protests vividly.

“Usopp that can help you get better; we obviously don’t have the same level!” she counters with a devious smile.

“Oh, well, uhhh, Sure! Two people is not even enough to be a struggle for the Great Usopp.”

“Guess we’re a team now.” She winks at Zoro.

The game is lively, Usopp narrates his moves like a war novel. After the third game in a row Robin comes back from her watch, signaling that it’s the next person’s turn. Usopp asks her to play, she obliges and takes the now vacant seat facing him.

*

Later in the night, Zoro grabs two bottles and sets off to join her. The night is extremely calm, so much so that the stars are reflected in the calm waters of the sea. The moon is almost full and its light gives an eerie ambiance to the night. She does not seem surprised to see him as he enters the crow’s nest.

“White wine and gin” he tells her as he put the bottles down.

“I’m on watch” she hesitates.

“I took the next rotation from Robin and your watch ends in less than an hour. There’s no way I’ll drink a whole bottle of this syrup.”

“It’s not syrup,” she fakes indignation, “okay I’ll join you.” Her smile can be heard in her voice. “The sky is absolutely beautiful; it feels like we’re among the stars.”

Zoro stares at her as she watches the view. “Yea, beautiful.”

The silence is comfortable, it is full of unshared thoughts and unacknowledged emotions. As they make their way through their respective bottles they begin to chat. The conversation flows easily, it goes from one topic to the next naturally. They laugh a lot, they share bits of the times they have lived before they joined. They make up associations between their crew members and random elements. They discuss fighting styles they’d love to try out.

Hours pass by and timid rays of sunlight start to appear. Engrossed in their conversation, they do not hear Usopp as he makes his way up for his watch shift. They decide to stay and watch the sunrise with Usopp as he makes up epic stories of his adventures fighting the sky to liberate an island from the torments of an eternal night.

They eventually make their way down to breakfast, lingering around, basking in the ease, the joy, the admiration of one another. Nothing can reach them, not the cook’s snide remarks or the list of the duties of the day. The fatigue is starting to eat at their brains, but they don’t want the night to end. Ultimately, duty calls and their idyllic hours come to an end. Before they part, she looks him in the eye, a stare that is full of hope and affection. He grants her a tender smile.

After his training Zoro heads to a calm spot to take a nap. As he embraces his slumber, he hears someone approaching.

“Zoro, do you mind sharing your nap spot? Usopp and luffy are having an improvised concert with Brooke.” she speaks in a low voice.

He gestures for her to come. She lies down. She moves around, trying to find a comfortable position.

“You can rest your head on me.” He grumbles. She does so without hesitation, resting her head on his torso. Sleep comes to them quickly. They frequently wake for a short amount of time as the other moves around. After a while Zoro emerges from his sleep. He looks at her, observing that she is using his arm as a pillow. He rolls over to his side.

“Do you want your arm back?” her sleepy voice asks. His only answer is that he puts his remaining arm around her, bringing their bodies closer in a hugging motion. “I guess that’s a no.” she giggles softly. He smiles. After a few heartbeats he deposits a kiss on the back of her head. She laces their hands together. The slippage of their friendship into something else feels natural to Zoro.

He puts an end to his meditations as she turns around to face him. When he opens his eye she greets him with a smile. She timidly places a small kiss on the tip of his nose. He laughs warmly. Before his brain has the chance to, his body makes the decision to grab the side of her face. He looks her in the eye, waiting for confirmation that this really is what she wants as well. The embers glowing in her gaze confirmed what he already knew. He deposits a soft kiss on her lips. Then another on her forehead. They join each other again in a feverish embrace. They settle into another sleeping arrangement, Zoro on his back with his lover in his arms, her head on his shoulder.

“I’m so happy.” She hums.

“A dream come true.” He muses.

[pastel-peach-writes]

Attracted | KorrAsami x Reader

╰┈➤ PLOT: After a close call of losing the two girls who mean the most to you, you decide it's time to cut the crap and face the music, your feelings.

╰┈➤ WARNINGS: Not Proofread, No Use of Y/N, 3500+ Words

Part One | Part Three

⍣ ೋ Enjoy!⍣ ೋ

Their stares dug into your soul and pulled out every sense of hiding and masking you've held in for the last few years. Their slight frowns, and disappointment in their colored eyes; it was too much for you to bear.

Were you so prideful in keeping your feelings secret that you'd risk losing Korra and Asami? Was it really that serious to let them think you didn't support their relationship?

You didn't know. You had no way to know.

Now the three of you were staring at each other in the courtyard of Air Temple Island. All parties eager for an answer from you.

However, just because they were eager to get an answer from you doesn't mean you had an answer ready for them.

Just now, in this very moment, you realized you had a crush on the two bisexuals. You just realized that going to bed thinking about kissing the both of them, holding their hands, and making them laugh wasn't as platonic as you thought.

You hated to admit it but Bolin was right. You hated when he was right, especially since you're often so stubborn. He was never going to let you live this down now.

But that's something to worry about in the future. Right now you needed to worry about the present. Korra and Asami are staring at you with hurt and almost distant eyes. The longer you let the silencer linger, the deeper you hurt them.

What could you even say or do in this moment? Make up some silly lie? Confess to them right on the spot? Make them think you're not accepting of their love? All three options were terrible. It was a lose-lose-lose situation.

"Uh," you nervously chuckled, scratching the back of your neck. The bright sun on Air Temple island shone into your eyes, nearly blinding you from the sight of the red-and-blue-coded girlfriends. You wondered what color you would be if you were added to the pair. "You know, I think I need to attend one of Tenzin's meditation classes. Learn how to ease up and become one with my chi."

"One with your chi?" Asami echoed.

"Yeah. If I'm so tense all the time and not noticing, obviously something is off. Maybe even wrong with me." You gave them another shrug. "I can't be one of the best members on the Krew and not be one with my chi."

Korra let out a chuckle. "'One of the best members'?" You nodded at her statement, a cocky smile growing on your lips. Korra shook her head, her smile from her chuckle staying on her face as she crossed her arms. "Who said you were one of the best?"

"Oh, isn't it obvious, Avatar?" You mimicked her stance and Asami did the same, matching the teasing smiles on your faces.

"Must not have been," Korra rebutted. "Sounds like you still got some work to do."

You could only laugh at her playful words. Although her statement was true, it was for the wrong situation. You did have some work to do. You had to work through and process your growing crushes on Asami and Korra in hopes you can get over them and have them never find out about your crush.

That should be easy. What's a little crush going to do to you?

-

"You're right," Tenzin said as he waved his palms over your torso. You were serious about taking meditation classes from him. You were too tense, hyper-focused on the sapphic pair. You needed mental clarity and hopefully with mental clarity comes a way to get over them.

The Airbender was using reiki, some form of spiritual healing that used energy and intention to ease the human mind and body. He decided to use the technique on you when you came to him about your stress problem. He said he rarely used this technique but given that you're a new student of his, he decided why not?

The man had his eyes closed and waved his arms and body around as if he were airbending. The only difference is that he wasn't airbending at all and in fact was getting a feel of your stress and anxiety levels. "You are very tense," he continued. "The tension lies within your shoulders and sits in your gut. Your chest, too, is tight. If you were an Airbender, you'd be blocked from your ability entirely. It would take months, maybe even years to remove this type of stress."

You heaved a sigh as the monk opened his eyes and returned to his natural standing stance. "Months"? "Maybe even years"? By the time you mastered your chi or removed most of the stress in your body, Korra and Asami could very well be married. Or even worse, forgotten about you.

It was extreme to think of those two scenarios but it's what your mind went to. You're doing this to be better for them, not to risk losing your friendship. If it's going to take years to return to the person you were before you started having feelings for them, they were gone for good.

"Well," you said as another sigh escaped your body. "We better get started."

-

Because of your circumstance, Tenzin decided to add airbender training to your "Stress Relief Regimen". Like he mentioned, you would be blocked if you were an Airbender but in addition to the spiritual and worldly connection, Airbenders also have a physical outlet. They use their body to navigate through the winds and courses of life. It acts as another way to release whatever your body is holding in.

It's been a few weeks since you started training with Tenzin and you can admit things are a lot better now. Well, physically. You're still blocked mentally and spiritually, but the airbending training traditions were getting easier for you. You ran into the equipment less and stayed on the balls of your feet more often. Even Jinora was impressed.

You practiced day and night while leaving space to meditate and to connect with nature in between. But the cause of your vigorous schedule to train and relax, you've pulled yourself away from the Krew. You rarely hung out with them outside of work and only said hello to them during meals. Day in and day out, you were training.

It was ironic though. You were training and practicing these techniques to become one with your emotions and get clarity on the KorrAsasmi situation but all the training seemed to be doing was making you avoid them.

You were actively running away and towards your emotions at the same time. How you mastered that skill, not even Tenzin knew.

He watched you prance and elegantly move around the spinning panels on the Airbending arena with your eyes closed and your arms in the offensive position he taught you. While you were physically correct, he could still feel a weight of heaviness and emotion rest on your shoulders and sink into your body.

Korra saw it too. That's why she was here standing next to Tenzin and monitoring your training. She knew Tenzin to be a good teacher so she didn't understand why his training kept you away from the Krew so long.

She already went through that teenage rebellion phase with him so she figured he eased up on allowing you to go out and such. Especially since you're not under his care and a grown adult. And as she watched your practice, she knew Tenzin's methods had changed for the better and the pressure lessened. So, if it wasn't Tenzin keeping you away from her. What was?

When practice was over, there was a meditation session immediately after. It wasn't a one-on-one session like you usually had with Tenzin, but actually an open session for the new Airbenders and anyone who wants to learn more about the art. In fact, it was taught by Jinora. Tenzin wasn't a part of it at all.

Korra assumed you kept your schedule busy with not only Tenzin's agenda but the other Airbenders too. To her it made sense. You're pretty much training to be an Airbender just without the bending. So to her surprise when she walked into the class and saw you weren't there, something was up.

-

"And you're sure they weren't there?" Asami asked as she unmade the bed for the night. She and Korra were in their room, the midnight moon shone through the window and provided natural light for the girls. Korra, just slipping on her white tank, nodded.

"Yup. Now we know Tenzin isn't keeping them away from us. I think it's them who wants to stay away from us." Korra's feet shuffled across the wooden floor, her tush melting into the mattress after she plopped.

"Come on." Asami frowned. "They're not like that. I'm sure it's something else." The paler woman sat beside Korra and placed a well-manicured hand on her shoulder. Korra only sighed again with her head hung low. "They haven't even spoke to Mako and Bolin and they're like brothers to them."

Korra shrugged. What Asami was saying made sense but there was something deeper going on. There was something you weren't telling them and Korra was killing herself trying to find out. "Does it not bother you either?" Korra's sad blue eyes struck Asami's green. "Don't you miss them? Their laugh and how they used to look at us with those eyes? Like we were the world to them. Now we barely get a glance when we pass each other in the halls or in the street."

Asami sighed. Of course, she did. She missed all of it and how you used to compliment them or poke fun. She missed watching you interact with Mako and Bolin and playing with them like they were your blood kin. She missed so much and more. She only placed a kiss on Korra's cheek and moved some hair behind the Avatar's ear. "Come on. Let's get to bed." -

"Good, now breathe while you lift your leg. Your opposite arm follows." You followed Tenzin's notes, lifting your leg and doing a fan kick while your opposite arm follows. When your arm follows, the momentum carried you throughout the move and when your leg landed on the ground, you spun around and nearly womble to the floor.

"Good," Tenzin said walking through the plush grass. "When you use that move, your weight shifts between your standing leg and then the led that lands on the ground. Because of your arm and force of the air, you spin around and when mastered, it's a great move to switch the play on your opponent." Tenzin then cleared his throat, the tops of his ears going red. "You know. If you airbent."

You gave him a slight chuckle. Almost four months into training and Tenzin still forgets you're not an Airbender sometimes.

"Sorry, force of habit." You waved him off and repeated the move, still stumbling when your lifted leg hits the ground. Tenzin instructed ways to land and poses to land into but no matter the note or correction, you continued to wobble.

"Ugh, I don't get it. I'm doing everything right. I'm making sure I'm light on my toes and transferring my weight between my legs," you complained to Tenzin as you took a swig of water.

The Airbending master interlaced his fingers and held them near his diaphragm. "Well, are you emotionally light? Spirtually, mentally?" You nodded as you wipe excess water from the corner of your mouth.

"Yeah. I mean, I think so? I mediate in the morning, evenings, and join some classes at the other Air Temple. I don't know what I'm doing wrong." You walked over to the cemented benches which were really short walls of concrete painted beige. You took a seat, crossing your legs and placing your heels at the edge of the wall.

"Hm," pondered Tenzin as he followed you to the wall. While he can admit your dedication is impressive, he can't help but feel there's something else blocking you, stopping you from achieving your greatest.

It was similar to what he experienced when training with Korra or his failed attempts at connecting to the spirit world but heavier. Almost as if you were avoiding the emotions that kept you planted deep into the ground. If you were an Earthbender, he predicted you would be one of the best.

"Tell me, young one. Is it possible there's something else bothering you? Perhaps problems with family, friends, work even?" He took a seat by you as you contemplated your answer to him.

You've felt good. The feeling of jealousy or even anxiety changed to what some would call a rock. It was as if a flat rock sheet lay on your chest and stomach. Some had a heart of gold and steel, yours wore stone armor.

You gave him a shrug and sipped your water out of avoidance. Your lack of eye contact, expression, and words told Tenzin everything he needed to know.

You were stuck emotionally and he had a hunch it was about the Avatar and her girlfriend. And perhaps the fact that they weren't your girlfriends. Tenzin wouldn't have come to that conclusion if it wasn't for his older sister, Kya.

One day, Kya came to visit and Tenzin told her all about your training and dedication to the craft despite not being an Airbender. When Kya observed your practicing, she could tell immediately you were struck with something emotionally tolling. Something you took Airbending techniques to work through but ended up avoiding.

She did the same thing with Waterbending when it came to a crush of hers.

Also, Kya overheard the Krew express concern and longing for you. More specifically, she saw the faces of Asami and Korra and how their eyebrows knitted together in hurt and confusion. It was the same face she wore when she found out Lin liked Tenzin.

"You need to talk to them," Tenzin spoke. "Avoidance or whatever you call this dance of yours isn't going to better your ability to meditate or to perform such exercises. In fact, it'll stifle your chances and ruin whatever you have left of your friendships." With a deep sigh, Tenzin put a hand on your shoulder. "Take this from someone who focused so hard on training that he almost lost his family. Isolation is not the key to working through hard emotions. You have to work and realize it's not going to be easy."

When your eyes met Tenzin's, you could see his brows downturned as if he was frowning with them. His eyes glossy yet held this certain look in his eye, as if he saw you as his own. His family.

The look stirred a certain guilt in your stomach. It was the same guilt you felt when you watched the Krew interact while you purposely lingered in the shadows. In hopes of bettering yourself, you ended up self-sabotaging.

"Hey!" Bolin chirped as he strode over to you and Tenzin. You quickly blinked away tears and looked at him with a smile, responding with a greeting. "We're going out to dinner tonight. You coming?"

-

Dinner was nearly normal. The five of you, the Krew and yourself, went to this fancy-ish restaurant where they served everything from Water Tribe food to Fire Nation goods. They also included the more modern dishes that Republic City had to offer.

It was like nothing had changed when you first ate. Everyone was chipper, happily munching on their meals, and cracking jokes like no time had passed between your group.

But then, just as you were almost done with your meal, the mood switched. A metaphorical cloud full of darkness and heavy rain washed over your booth and wind dared to blow you away from your seat.

Korra sighed, putting down her eating utensil and putting her hands on the table in an interlaced fist. "Okay, we have something we need to talk to you about." You barely looked at her to continue. "You've been kinda distant lately and we know it's not because of your training. Tenzin was adamant in easing the intensity of his training schedule, especially now with the new addition to the family and the new Airbenders."

You shrugged for what felt like the fiftieth time today. "I'm taking my craft really seriously. Is that a crime?"

"No," Asami said in a calmer tone that Korra could've given the sass you had in your sentence. "But it worries us. Especially now that you're not even attending Avatar duties anymore. We're a group and we need you. We're empty without you."

You threatened to scoff but instead shoved down the urge with another bite of your food. "I don't know what you want from me."

"Your training was supposed to help you ease up and not be as stressed but it looks like it's doing the opposite," Mako spoke. "You're distant, eat meals alone, and I've never seen someone train so hard for Airbending when you're not even an Airbender."

"Okay, so what? Look, it's my training, my schedule. You guys don't have a clue of what's going on with me so just drop it. Okay?"

Bolin glanced around his table of friends. Nervously picking at his pants, his eyes landed on you and gazed into your eyes. With a tone soft and gentle, he spoke. "So, something is going on."

You sat up a little straighter, eyes on the brown wooden table in front of you. You didn't realize you said that out loud. All that work of being alone and trying not to talk about your feelings nearly came undone with one measly slip-up. "No. Drop it."

"No, we don't want to drop it. What's going on? We can help you." Asami reached a hand out to you but you just snatched your hand away.

The Earthbender at the table sunk down in his seat. He knew what was going on now. He doesn't know why he forgot the last genuine conversation you had just a few months ago.

Your crush on Korra and Asami were eating you alive. What was supposed to be an outlet became a distraction. A distraction from the possibility of hurt, rejection, and loss. If he remembered this earlier, he wouldn't have suggested this confrontation dinner.

The only person who could help you in this situation is yourself and Bolin could see you didn't want that. Not anymore at least. You were perfectly fine losing your friends if it meant the protection of your relationship and feelings.

Although, it's a bit counteractive letting your friends slip away just to avoid a blowup over emotions you couldn't control. Bolin wasn't going to let that slide.

The Krew's been in messy romance drama before. What's a little more? They've prevailed over three times and they could do it again.

"I'm sorry," you took money from your pants and placed enough to cover your meal on the table, "but you can't help me with this. I'm sorry."

Following your departure, Bolin followed you out of the restaurant. Your friends exclaimed and called out for the both of you, but you were too far to hear and well Bolin, he was on a mission.

You stumbled behind yourself as Bolin took hold of your wrist and snatched you back. Your eyes met his, the orange-yellow lighting of the restaurant shining through the windows and making the sidewalk glow.

"You don't have to do this," Bolin spoke in a whisper. "You don't have to hide and pretend you're something you're not just to avoid rejection."

You pull your wrist out of his grip, your brows knitted defensively. "I don't know what you're talking about. I'm not avoiding anything."

"Please, I've seen it multiple times before. I lived it. The crushes you have on Korra and Asami won't change anything. They won't be weirded out or throw you out of the friendship if that's what you're worried about." The green in Bolin's eyes sought out to comfort you. As before, he kept his voice gentle and nurturing. "Crushes are scary and can leave you vulnerable but you shouldn't avoid your feelings because of it. You'll end up holding things in, the hurt turning into resentment, and the resentment turning into hate."

The Earthbender's palm found its place on top of your shoulder. Like his eyes, voice, and now touch, Bolin comforted you. His words, though similar to Tenzin's, had more meaning. You've seen Bolin get rejected before and heard horrific stories but he never let the embarrassment get to him. He learned, grew, and eventually got the partner of his dreams.

You patted his hand. "That means a lot. I'll try, okay? I can't promise it's going to be a good try, but I'll try and face my feelings instead of avoiding them and letting them turn into something ugly."

Bolin smiled, the joyous expression reaching his eyes. "Good. You won't regret it and you'll always have me to lean on. Don't forget that." Before you could say anything else, he pulled you in for a bear hug and lifted you off the ground.

Maybe Bolin was right. Facing your feelings head-on would make them less scary and who knows, maybe Korra and Asami would get a confession out of it.

To Be Continued. (Last part coming soon!) | Part One

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