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zoeysdamn · 2 years

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Bloodied petals - Xavier Thorpe x reader | Part.1

Summary: The Hanahaki disease, when flowers start to grow in the lungs of people experiencing unrequited or one-sided love. You never thought Xavier would be the reason you'd start to cough petals.

Warnings: angst, mention of blood

A/N: okay this is the first time ever writing on the show Wednesday and on Xavier so this is definitely not proof-read but I'm weak for the sad artistic blorbo blblbl

[Masterlist]

Through blurry eyes you could barely recognize where you were. Sure, the stone arches looked vaguely familiar and maybe the floor you were laying on was too. But right now, everything felt so far away, not the rough surface of the stone floor under your palms, the smell of burning fire in through your nostrils nor the panicked screams seemed able to reach you. The only thing you could feel was the plaguing weight inside of your chest, crushing your lungs under its unforgiving pressure.

You coughed, mouth filled with blood and stained petals. At every cough it felt like your throat and chest were lit on fire and tears escaped the corner of your eyes. This pain should be familiar by now, it has grown stronger for weeks. Still, it hurt like a bitch and now the pain had numbed everything else.

In the distance, green lightning and clashes of steel were the last of your worries. Even if you tried, you couldn’t care less about all of this because your whole body just hurt so much. Someone shouted, closer this time. God, when would this excruciating feeling of your heart and lungs being squeezed to death ever stop? Something dropped beside you. Or was it someone? You tried to say something, at least to say you were still alive. Nothing but gurgled sounds came out of you; words were stuck with the blood and flowers that had been growing inside of your chest and crawling out of your throat for the past weeks.

Someone ripped your jacket open and pressed something on your plexus. Once, twice, a third time and on, repeatedly. Trying to force some of those flowers out to get you some air. They called you. Another hand cradled your cheek and a face came into your blurred vision. Even on the verge of death you could recognize those hazel hair and brown eyes anywhere. The pathetic attempt at calling out Xavier’s name only came out as a weak wheeze, as more blood dripped from your mouth.

As the crushing feeling in your chest grew even heavier, at a point where your own body couldn’t take it anymore, you felt yourself slip away. When your vision went black, you wondered how things could have turned differently.

2 MONTHS EARLIER

It happened for the first time during fencing class.

All the students had stopped their practice to stare at the intense sparring between Bianca and the new student cladded in black. Mask tucked under your arm, you didn’t miss a second of their pride-filled match.

“Never thought I'd see Bianca having her ass kicked in fencing” you whispered.

Next to you, Xavier let out a chuckle.

“You did beat her several times last year if I reckon”

That made you snort, “Yeah, like I said, I never saw someone do it, I was too busy actually succeeding at it.”

To be honest, it was a tight match between you and Bianca on who was the best in the fencing team. But you had backed down when she and Xavier had started dating ; you didn’t want his new girlfriend to hate your guts more than she already could. Being Xavier’s childhood friend had made things awkward in the beginning of their relationship. You couldn’t say she was really fond of you now, but at least you were civil to each other.

Bianca’s opponent executed a pirouette to dodge the siren’s attack and you let out a low whistle.

“Woah, guess Wednesday does know her shit,” you said in admiration.

Xavier’s head snapped to you, eyes wide. “You know her?”

“New roommate apparently,” you casually answered. At his lack of response you glanced at him, only to catch him mesmerized by the fencing match. Or rather, by your new gothic roomie. That made you frown slightly. Not even when he was with Bianca did you ever see Xavier with such a look of adoration. “Why?”

He didn’t answer immediately, too focused on the match. Like he hadn’t heard you. You nudged his arm slightly, making him realize that you had asked him something.

“I think I know her from before,” he muttered.

He had answered you. But he had not granted you a single glance. You had known him for so very long, you shouldn’t have been bothered by that. After all, he was free to do whatever he wanted. But his strange fascination for this new student felt strange to you for some reason. Something in your chest didn’t feel right, like a starting cough. Feeling your throat starting to tingle, you sneezed once, twice, covering your nose for decency. Something soft landed on your hand as you sneezed but before you had time to see what it was a collective gasp made your head snap up. Wednesday kneeled on the floor, a clean cut painting her pale cheek in red. That made you gasp, too. She just lost.

Before Bianca could loathe anymore, the brunette gathered herself and hurriedly left the room, stiff as ever. You stepped aside like the other students to let her through. She was probably going to the infirmary to get her cheek checked.

“Well, that was weird,” you said with a dry chuckle. Then you turned toward your friend, “Are you down for another match, Xav?”

He didn’t answer you again. His eyes were still glued to where Wednesday had disappeared a few moments ago. It wasn’t intentional probably, but the negligence of your childhood friend made your chest ache.

“Xavier?” you called him.

“I- uh sorry Y/N, I gotta go”, he mumbled pensively before excusing himself out of the room.

Dumbfounded by his sudden departure, you looked at Ajax.

“What’s gotten him?” you asked him.

The gorgon only shrugged, “Dunno. It’s not the first time he had acted strange, eh?”

You nodded, he had made a point. You had known Xavier for a long time and knew him pretty well, but this time you couldn’t understand his behavior.

“Wanna do another match?”

“Thanks Ajax,” you said with a small smile, “but I think I’m gonna hit the sho-”

A fit of cough interrupted you, your chest burning with an itching sensation. It felt like something was stuck in your throat, and the coughs intensified until it disappeared only a few moments later. When the itching stopped, you looked at the gorgon apologetically.

“I think this is the sign for me to call it a day,” you joked. “Too bad, you could have actually beat me in this state.”

He snorted and nudged you playfully to the exit of the room, telling you he would have totally beat you anyway. As soon as you came out of the room, you opened your clenched hand. At the sight of five white flower petals, you frowned.

“What the fuck,” you muttered to yourself.

Your day had just become a lot weirder than you thought.

Fortunately, by the time you had stepped out of the shower the sneezes and other weird petals-coughing had stopped. So you had brushed away the thought, thinking it might be related to your late gardening the previous night. You had spent half of the night tending to your collection of plants and had almost fallen asleep on the workbench.

Returning to your room, you were met by the sight of your roommates, Enid and Wednesday in what appeared to be a glaring contest in the middle of the room.

“Already at each other’s throats?” you asked, making Enid humph and plopping on her bed with a pout.

The brunette eyed you meticulously, like she was analyzing every detail about you.

“It’s nice to meet you officially Wednesday,” you said with a small nod of your head. For what you had heard from Enid, she wasn’t the type to enjoy any unnecessary physical contact.

“You must be Y/N” she observed sharply, “Principal Weems had mentioned that I was to be plagued with two roommates.”

You nodded, not taking the icy comment personally. “I am. Though I’m very mindful of everyone’s personal space considering that I also cherish mine.”

“Perfect” said Wednesday sharply. “I also understood you were quite a fitting fencing partner.”

“You did?” you asked with an arched eyebrow.

“Xavier mentioned it,” she said.

“You talked with Xavier?” you asked with a surprised frown.

The way her eyes narrowed at every one of your reactions wasn’t missed.

“He talked at the infirmary. Just helped me to get out of a murder attempt.”

“A what now?” you asked with a dry chuckle.

“A WHAT??” Enid screamed.

Wednesday rolled her eyes at your blond roommate’s reaction. With a flick of your wrist and a simple mumbled incantation, the torrent of question the werewolf had started to ramble turned into silence. Enid gave you an outraged face at your actions, throwing silent threats at you before returning to her bed and pout. The ever so slight twitch of Wednesday’s eyebrow showed that you might actually have impressed her.

“Witch” you said simply, pointing at yourself. “Silencing spells comes out handy here.”

“Quite impressive,” said Wednesday in her usual flat tone. “Thorpe had failed to mention your actual useful assets.”

The thought that he hadn’t talked about your powers wasn’t odd. The both of you had basically grown up together when your aunt had started to drop you frequently at his dad’s house when you were kids. Your aunt was quite popular in the witch community and was good friends with Xavier’s equally famous father. When you ended up in her care after your mom’s passing, you gained a new friend in Xavier. By now he was used to your powers; it felt normal to him.

“Well if you ever need a fencing partner, you know where to find me”

She tsked, sharply returning to her chair to sit in front of her typewriter, “Although I’m not sure to step in the fencing room ever again, it is a reassuring thought to have someone able to actually stab efficiently in the same room as I.”

You chuckled at her words, “My pleasure.”

Seeing that she wasn’t listening anymore to dedicate her time to writing, you plopped down on your bed, opening one of your history books to go through the last lesson. Everyone at Nevermore knew you were kind of a hardcore student, often spending free time practicing your abilities or studying. Even if your aunt hadn’t been the most present parent, she had always made sure you had the best tutors to teach you witchcraft. In the early years you had been under her care, you had been quick to understand that excellent grades and results were what made you worthy in her eyes; not that you thought less of her – witches were prideful beings and big on family glory. Now you weren’t trying to get her attention through scholarship anymore, but good habits of studying stayed.

So it wasn’t unusual for you to get a text from Xavier asking if you could help him with some assignment, like he just did.

Glancing from your book, you noticed that Wednesday was still on her writing hour, while Enid had left the room. You got up, grabbed your bag to throw a few personal effects and slipped out of your room. Girls and boys weren’t supposed to sneak into each other’s dormitories, but you knew how to go past the surveillance easily. Knocking on Xavier’s door, you waited for someone to answer. When he opened the door, Xavier had his usual lopsided grin.

“Hey”

“Hi there,” you smiled back, before entering the room, noticing the absence of his roommate, “Rowan’s not here?”

Immediately, Xavier’s eyes became colder and he seemed to tense.

“Nah. Don’t think he’ll be coming back tonight to be honest.”

You arched an eyebrow, while sitting cross-legged on Xavier’s bed, “Why?”

He licked his lips nervously, like he pondered whether or not he should tell you this. But after all, you were his oldest friend, and he trusted you with his life.

“He tried to kill Wednesday earlier.”

That made your eyes widen; not really the attempted murder part, more the fact than Rowan did it.

“Rowan?” you repeated. “As in, Rowan your roommate?”

He frowned, “You don’t seem very surprised that someone tried to kill Wednesday.”

You felt your chest tighten once again at his concerned tone. Like you wanted to start to cough again.

“She told me,” you explained, “though she doesn’t know who had tried to kill her.”

“Fuck,” he swore, passing a nervous hand through his hair, “I don’t know why he had done this.”

The way he looked so distressed made bile rise in your throat. You stopped the cough before it ever came out of your mouth.

“Look, we can’t know until Rowan’s back, okay?” you said calmly, trying to ease the tension, “Wednesday’s okay, I’m even pretty sure she’s honored that someone came this close to kill her on her first week here.”

That elicited a laugh from Xavier, and at this sound you felt lighter.

“Yeah, that’s probably right,” he chuckled before sitting down on the bed next to you. “I guess we’ll see where all of this goes, uh? Maybe it was all a misunderstanding.”

You hummed in agreement, “Besides, Wednesday knows how to defend herself, and I’m not going to let my roommate alone in the face of danger, no matter how much she pulls the cool detached girl behavior.”

He smiled at that. Despite the weird character of Wednesday, you didn’t wish her any harm. Should she be in danger, sure you’d help her.

Grabbing one book from your back, you gently swat it on Xavier’s shoulder.

“Don’t try to change the subject though mister,” you playfully reminded him, “I do believe you texted me to save your sorry artistic ass once again.”

He dodged your next attack, laughing as you tried to hit him again with your notebook.

“Yes ma’am” he smirked, grabbing his own notes.

The two of you started to work, leaving the subject of your new roommate behind. An hour into this comfortable studying session, where you helped Xavier for a botany assignment and he showed you some of his recent sketches, it felt like it had always been. You were comfortable around each other, everything seemed to come out effortlessly. That’s why you loved to spend time with Xavier so much.

You stretched your arms above your head, releasing all the tension that had built up due to your slouched position while studying.

“I’ll never understand how you always ace the arithmetic classes, Xav” you said with an amused smile.

“That might be my hard work,” he mused with a grin, letting himself fall on his back onto the mattress.

You snorted and threw a ball of paper on him, “You’re like the laziest student ever, Thorpe.”

He caught it effortlessly, “Must be my natural talent then,” he said before throwing it back at you, hitting you on the head.

“Oh you’re gonna pay for that,” you grinned, jumping on his side.

He jumped at your sudden move but before he could protest you were already tickling him mercilessly. “Hey! This isn’t fair!” he wheezed in between laughs.

He tried to counter your attacks, jabbing your sides and the two of you ended up rolling on his bed, giggling like children tickling each other restlessly. At some point Xavier managed to flip you over and you squealed at the sudden turn of events. You started preparing for a witty come back but the words were caught in your throat at the sight of Xavier’s face merely inches from yours. Hovering above you, he got you pinned on his bed; your breaths, ragged and mixing together softly caressing each other’s cheeks. For the briefest moment, it seemed like you saw his eyes for the first time. Brown, warm and bottomless; they looked like home to you. They had golden highlights too, how come you had never noticed?

While you were gazing at Xavier’s face, you hadn’t noticed him kissing every inch of your face with the very same eyes you were lost in. Before you could stop yourself your gaze flickered to his lips briefly then to his eyes again, only to find his gaze already on yours.

“Hi,” he whispered.

“Hey,” you breathed back.

“Willing to recognize my undeniable charm now?” he asked huskily with his usual grin.

You huffed softly at that, “I thought you talked about natural talent.”

“Well there’s that too, thanks for reminding me Y/N” he casually grinned. His expression then softened, “I’m trying to reach your level, sweetheart.”

Your already short breath got caught in your throat. It wasn’t the first time you heard him using affectionate pet names, but you couldn’t help but feel your cheeks shade in soft pink. This time felt…different. Maybe because you were laying on Xavier’s bed, with half of his body pressed against yours, complimenting you.

Somehow, the weight on your chest felt like it had almost disappeared.

Your eyes wandered once again on his full pink lips without really realizing it.

“Xav?” you whispered, not wanting to speak louder, like you were afraid it would ruin the moment.

“Yeah?”

Suddenly, you felt shy. You had never felt embarrassed about talking about anything with Xavier. So why did it feel so strange now? Licking your lips nervously you averted your eyes, unsure of what to do.

“Do you think…do you think about us, sometimes?”

At his lack of response you sighed quietly and kept your gaze down. God you felt embarrassed now.

“Sorry,” you mumbled, “this was a stupid question I shouldn’t have asked that.”

Noticing your discomfort, Xavier brought his hand to your face slowly.

“Hey,” he said, carefully brushing a strand of hair off your face, “hey it’s okay. No hiding between us, remember?”

You could only shrug slightly, unsure of what to say.

To be honest, you weren’t sure why you were asking this now. Of course, you had wondered if you and Xavier would someday be more than friends. It even seems that the thought had never really left, it was simply buried more or less deep in your mind. And somehow, it was resurfacing now.

“I have thought about it,” he confessed, “a lot, actually.” That made your heart flutter. Until he add, “But this…I can’t–”

A strong sound of chords, although muffled by the walls, made him stop. Without really realizing it, your head turned toward the window too. It sounded like someone was playing on a balcony?

This unexpected interruption seemed to break the strange yet intimate charm the two of you were caught in, and Xavier slowly pushed himself away from you, clearing his throat awkwardly. Yours on the other hand, felt tighter than ever. Still you got up from the bed, and just like Xavier, approached the window, curious about this melody resonating throughout Nevermore’s walls.

“It sounds like a cello,” mumbled Xavier, looking through the window to try to catch a glimpse of the mysterious player.

“Nobody has a cello in the school,” you started to think out loud as an image of your new roommate’s belongings flashed into your mind, “except…”

Your eyes flickered immediately to your room’s balcony, on the other side of the quad. Sitting under the night sky and deep in concentration, Wednesday Addams was playing cello like it was the last time she’d ever play. Passionate, dark, precise. An impressive presence that weightened down every other.

You didn’t know how long you had stayed in front of the window, mesmerized by the intensity of the music recital. When you got out of your reverie, your head snapped in Xavier’s direction. Really, you didn’t really know what to expect, it had been more a reflex than anything else. But finding him hovering over a sheet of paper, erratically sketching like a madman, wasn’t what you expected at all.

Sensing your burning gaze on his back Xavier lifted his head; at the betrayed look on your face, his eyes turned into pleading ones.

“I– I’m sorry I just–”

“No it’s me,” you cut him sharply in a small voice. Crossing the room to gather your belongings you hurriedly threw all of your stuff in your bag. Not daring looking up at Xavier; or else you weren’t sure you would be able to restrain your tears. “I overstepped, I should be going.”

“Y/N I–” Xavier pleaded.

“G’night Xavier,” you mumbled, storming out of the room and shutting the door behind you.

Eyes glued on the floor for the entire walk, you crossed the empty hallways in a hurry. At a turn, the gruesome feeling in your chest returned. Like a hot iron gripping on your lungs, a sharp pain started to overtake you. The harsh, tingling sensation clawed at your throat, acid plaguing your chest and lungs. As the first cough escaped your mouth, you leaned on the wall for support, hand covering your mouth. The horrid sensation of the never ending dry cough, shaking your whole body like a trembling leaf was crippling you. You weren’t even able to take another step, as the sensation of something crawling out of your chest through your throat was intensifying every passing second.

The coughs hardened, until at last your stomach managed to regurgitate something. Bending over as you felt you were beginning to throw up, your hand came in front of you out of reflex to grab whatever you were spitting. With an awful gurgling sound, you finally spat out something soft, covered with a sticky substance. More smaller bits escaped your mouth for a whole solid minute, your mouth still feeling soggy but the coughs gradually easing down anyway.

Bringing your trembling hands up, you opened them tentatively to see what had been stuck in your throat for so long. On your palm lay a white flower and scattered petals, covered with saliva and blood. Wiping the wet string dripping from your mouth with quivering fingers, you held them up in the moonlight. They were red and wet, covered in blood too.

Crumbling against the wall, you let yourself fall on the ground. For long minutes, you stared at the bloody flowers in your hand. Then, you bursted into tears.

“What the fuck,” you sobbed in disbelief.

You had no idea of what was going on; but this was far more concerning than you had originally thought.

[Part.2]

A/N: Next part is coming soon! Hope you enjoyed this fkjsrbkjbfr

Hope you’re all doing okay, take care of you ♥

#xavier thorpe #xavier thorpe x reader #wednesday #wednesday series #wednesday netflix #wednesday addams #xavier x you #xavier thorpe x you #xavier x reader #xavier thorpe angst #hanahaki disease #no beta we die like men

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uchihaharlot · 8 months

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Hello! I hope you are fine <3🤲💗

I wanted to ask you about some Uchiha HCs as parents (especially Shisui haha). Idk, things like "How they would react if their Y/N told them they were going to be parents" or "How many children would they have if they had them and how would they treat them?"

🥹 mmm Shisui. Yes. 🙌🏻 Since I’m in a fog, I’ll choose Obito and Shisui — I will probably add more later and reblog then. Focusing more on Shisui though.

(I sort of expanded on this a bit. Leading up to birth etc).

Suggestive themes — mostly N/SFW; pregnancy reactions; and some other cute shit idk how to categorize. Ok yea, I went a bit crazy on Shisui, he’s my blorbo.

Obito:

• Even if it’s planned, he’s going to spiral. It worked on the first time? Duh, Uchiha. Really just stupid luck.

• ‘Already?’ — Obito; ‘….I mean…that’s what happens when you have sex..’ — her. She’s so patient though with him.

• Obito will spend the next few days not necessarily moping, but in minor distress. The whole thing about having a baby this soon, even though it was planned. Has really got him thinking.

• ‘I need to get my shit together.’ He’s not wrong, but they’re not in a bad place. All the financial matters were sorted out before she even went off the pill. She’s going to spend a lot of time easing his worries when he should be settling hers.

• He thinks they can’t have sex anymore 😂 ‘I’ll hurt the baby.’ This woman will have to coax him to satisfy her needs and being hormonal, he’s going to get scared and cave.

• Every time she’s sick, he’s sick. lol. Obito is one of those husbands that are sympathy ill when their wife is unwell, pregnant or not. Though the morning sickness he had worse than her.

• When she actually starts showing, the tables are turned. Obito can’t keep his hands off her. This is amazing! ‘I put that in you…’ —🫠 👈🏻 her. Yea, he did, that big dummy stuffed her good.

• When she is too big to do anything for herself, Obito takes center stage in everything. He matured rather quickly, strange how the prospect of becoming a dad alters an individual.

• 😅 Hit it from the back too rough and ultimately the orgasm she had made her go into labor (I know this is false advertisement but it’s Obito, he’s that guy).

• Nearly passes out as his wife is sprawled up on the stirrups, looks anyways and dear lord, ‘are you recording this?’ She says. Yea, he is. Unintentionally the sharingan populates and he might as well.

• Holds his son for the first time and cries. I think most men do, he’s the most precious thing in this world. Obito didn’t think he could ever make up for what he did in the past, but this one human. This tiny, itty bitty baby boy might just be his Hail Mary. That he could even bring something so good into the world makes him soften even more.

Shisui:

• Family man. 100%. They’ve been trying, and it’s not taking. Not because they’re incapable of it, both healthy and young. He’s just so busy. The days they end up trying don’t line up with her cycle and I mean they’re not just going to not have sex. Any chance he gets to put a bit of him and a little Uchiha inside her are precious moments.

• Firm believer in holding her legs up for a half hour 😂 ‘it has to marinate.’ Big eye rolls from his wife, who just lets him do things his way. After a few months, she finally begs him to just take a week off when she’s the most susceptible of his seed taking root.

• The mere idea that she is rearing and ready to go has Shisui taking his wife at the most unexpected of times. Maybe a week off was a good idea. Needless to say, the house chores are piling up. She wasn’t particularly fond of being shoved head first in the dryer either.

• ‘Making baby is the fun part…’ is his excuse when she chides him for it. Dear lord, this man shooting blanks and still trying.

• Then the unimaginable is announced, well not unimaginable but it felt like too long to actually confirm they were successful. Shisui from this point forward makes sure his pregnant wife gets everything she wants and then some.

• There is no shock period. This was all planned, Shisui is eternally grateful that his wife will be ushering their next of kin into the world. All the hard work is on her now and he is going to make sure she is treated like royalty.

• Though he questions some of her cravings, ‘…really? Ok….’ He won’t judge her, but goddamn it’s not something he’d eat.

• Copious amounts of pampering. Spends ridiculous amounts of money to have her swollen feet pedicured once a month, if she doesn’t want that he will do it himself. Her care is nonnegotiable and she is getting big with life inside of her! She needs some reprieve from the constant drain on her body.

• We aren’t even going to lie, they pretty much have sex up until the baby is born, though not like how Obito did. It’s maybe twice a week, which is less often but enough. If she’s not in the mood for it herself, she would offer to relieve him. Though he might feel guilty, so he would just use his mouth in return if she wasn’t opposed to something less invasive on her aching body. She’ll agree, Shisui is talented in those regards.

• She was making tea in the kitchen when her water broke, Shisui was out on a mission!!! She had to get Itachi to send word of bird and less than an hour he’s back. Exhausted and tired, he made it for the birth. He knew that he shouldn’t have taken that mission but she was adamant he do what he felt necessary for their village. Such a understanding woman!

• Is planting kisses to her forehead, cheeks and lips whenever she starts pushing. Holds one of her legs when the baby is finally crowning, and watches the miracle of birth. The fruit of their passion and love is wayfered into this big world. So beautiful and precious. A son, I often hc Shisui would name his first son Kagami. (I’m pretty sure the series alluded them being related).

• 🥹🥹🥹🥹 👈🏻 shisui 👉🏻 🥴😴 his wife after labor. He is wholly enamored at the tiny being in his arms. Takes the time to figure out which features their baby got from who. Undoubtedly this kid has his mop head of curls. Her nose and eye color, his eye shape and ears. 100% them.

#shisui headcanons #obito headcanons #shisui uchiha #obito uchiha #uchiha shisui #uchiha obito #uchiha clan #uchiha family

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who-do-i-know-this-man · 7 months

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Since this blog is basically ending in a week I guess I should make an in depth post about "what's next," as well as some of my thoughts about this whole project

The big question that everyone has, so much so that I've given answers to it several times before, is "will there be a second season". Once more from the start, a whole new submission phase and a whole new bracket. To reiterate the answer I gave before while giving some new details; I don't have any plans to. That doesn't mean it's never gonna happen, but if it does I don't know when.

I usually try to avoid giving any personal info, but to give a slight peak behind the curtain I made this blog when I was taking a gap year between high school and college, so a time where I had very few responsibilities. Well I'm going to college later this year so I don't expect to be able to do the same "8 polls per day everyday for months" lifestyle that was required to run a bracket of this size.

Oh course I would like to do another one of these. It was a lot of work but it was mostly fun. It's also by far the most popular thing I've done, which comes with a level of monkey brain "big number good." Some of that has of course waned as people stop keeping up with polls when they no longer know anyone, so part of me wants to go again just for the big number satisfaction that round 1 had.

I also may dust off one of those poll blog ideas I've posted about before. A lot of people seemed to think the gerrymandered blorbo poll idea was funny, maybe I'll do that at some point.

But for now, if you wanna see more stuff from me, the only place you can really find that is my main, @chzdavmpr. I've been doing a reading diary thing where I talk about different books that I read. (only manga so far but I plan to do a bunch of differnt books). other then that it's just a bunch of reblogging memes and posts about libraries.

Welp, see you all tomorrow for the finale.

#not blorbo poll #long post

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eirian · 6 months

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so me and eden talked about it and ive decided to take a sort of internet break with her, just for a week or so. i hate hate hate being so dependent on the internet (particularly social media) for both entertainment and socialization and i feel like being online so much and relying on it for SO LONG (since i was maybe 11?) has really been detrimental to my mental health. and since ive made rent for this month i feel like now is a good time to just step away for a bit.

i still unfortunately rely on the internet for my livelihood--i HAVE to take commissions in order to make rent, provide food, etc, so i wont stop posting art or taking commissions! i'll just be less social i guess. i wont make any posts or reblog anything, i'll just be posting art and contacting ppl abt commissions.

i want to spend more time with my wife. i want to go outside more. i want to hang out with irl people more (i literally have no irl friends). i want to go to meetups. i want to disconnect from the internet so bad i HATE relying on it as much as i do. i mean this so unironically i want to touch grass again

im ngl. i also talked w eden about possibly starting up an irl small business for my art--something along the lines of basically being a caricature artist again, but this time self employed. i'd have my own brand and go to parties and draw people, and volunteer at the local children's hospital sometimes too and draw the hospitalized kids. im honestly just trying to think of ANY job that would help me ease up on being so reliant on social media for income, if possible, that would still be fun for me and not absolutely kill my mental health like my previous irl jobs did. dont get me wrong i love drawing yalls ocs! but i cant charge as much as i should be b/c i dont have enough of a following/demand, so i have to take a lot of commissions before im able to make a decent living. it sucks.

if i could charge more to where i only had to take maybe 3 commissions a month in order to make rent, thatd be ideal. id still love to do commissions for a living! i love drawing your blorbos and i honestly dislike the idea of going back to caricature art--its not my passion by a longshot and its very stressful to do live art so quickly. but im just trying to think of anything to help at this point u_u i cant get on ssi b/c then we wouldnt be able to use my bank account for income and we'd basically have No Money To Do Anything Freely Anymore. so i gotta just. stick with what im doing. IDEALLY id be able to take commissions and post art while not being necessarily Active on social media anymore, but idk how to make that work just yet or if thats even a thing i could do..

anyway. TL;DR im going to take a semi-break from social media/the internet for about a week, but i'll still post art + take commissions + accept messages from close friends on discord. i want to HEAL, man

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hot-take-tournament · 1 year

Text

HOT TAKE TOURNAMENT

PRE-PRELIMINARY #63

"Prev tags" should never have become a thing.

[JUSTIFICATION UNDER THE CUT]

Pre-preliminaries will be used to determine what qualifies as a hot take. Propaganda is encouraged!

Also, remember to reblog your favourite polls for exposure! (exposure like when you’re exposed to the fact that the KISS Scooby Doo crossover does actually exist, scarring you for life)

"Prev tags" is just annoying, inefficient, only works sometimes, and just dumb as fuck. Like, if someone tells you a funny story, and you wanna relay it to someone else, you're gonna be like "Hey, this person told me a funny story! I'm gonna relay it to you." You WOULDN'T go up to someone and be like "GO FIND THIS PERSON WHO TOLD ME A FUNNY STORY." Like, holy shit that's just dumb. The scavenger hunt aspect simply is not worth it. In my experience, it NEVER is worth it. It just puts me in a bad mood. Plus, what if it's a long post? You want people to have to scroll up and down and up and down just to get to those tags? Holy shit, no! That's just irritating!

And people like to claim 'Oh, prev tags is an INTEGRAL feature to the site!" NO IT IS NOT. It started popping up in 2021. The first time I remember seeing it, it was a text post, and everyone was going "prev" and the OP's tags were just a "spike trap" joke, where it told people to prev tags them. THAT IS THE ORIGIN. Prev tags isn't an ancient feature from the era of SuperWhoLock that we cannot leave behind- in fact, in posts FROM that era, people would copy-paste or screenshot tags and commonly be like "Why would you leave this in the tags?" Prev tags can't do that!! We steal tags here, sir! Posting someone else's tags in the body of the post has been part of the site's culture for AGES!

Not to mention- prev tags has really bad archival issues. Say you're on a post, and there's something in the tags you consider a great addition, so you go "prev" along with the rest of your tags for posts like these. A month later, the person you "prev"d has deactivated for whatever reason, or maybe they've deleted the post. Those tags are gone. They are just GONE. You can't get them back, you can't view them again, the tags are completely gone. Meanwhile, screenshotting or copy-pasting the tags preserves them.

(This is, to a lesser extent, worse for me, since I have ADHD, which negatively impacts my memory. So no, I do not automatically remember my hilarious tags.)

Many people like to claim "Oh, that's not the point of it, prev tags is for privately telling the person who left the tags you appreciate them!" Which, first of all if they don't like prev tags, that'll just tick them off. But second of all... If you wanna tell them you liked their tags, message them??? A friendship of mine started and persists because my friend messages me posts I've tagged like "Good tags" or smth like that. That would not have happened if I'd just been "prev tags"d.

And if anything, prev tags decreases communication between us. That friend of mine and I have commonly had conversations about those tags, since they're most often related to blorbos. And our friendship is stronger because of that! If they'd just been like "prev" that wouldn't have happened. I wouldn't have had all those great conversations. I wouldn't have that friend. I know, messaging people scary, but I highly doubt people are gonna find being messaged about how awesome their tags were irritating. Please, just actually talk to EACH OTHER instead of talking in the tags! Subject yourself to the mortifying ideal of being known, it will reward you!

I'll die on this fucking hill. Out of any hill, I will die here.

#tumblr #hot take tournament #tournament poll #tumblr poll #tumblr tournament #tumblr bracket #hot take #unpopular opinion #pre preliminary #PREV

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us-the-voices-and-more-voices-2 · 4 months

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i think you’d find life to be much more enjoyable if you stopped consuming content that makes you write rants that have several paragraphs. maybe you should stop being on the internet actually and find some hobbies that bring you joy…..hope you have a nice life

I still don’t know why people think I don’t have irl friends, or something. that I go out and do stuff with. (Dude I’m actually super happy and have a strong support system of people I love. And I go out and do stuff more than twice a week lol. You guys assume I’m some basement dwelling freak who’s- I don’t even know.- I’m just a completely normal ass guy)

Like, yeah I spend like 4-5hrs online these days but like again it’s a much healthier balance than it used to be.

I’m 100% sure this is about the Hasanabi post, which honestly I was being quite kind with my remarks.

like I wrote 11,000 words worth of stories in just this month alone, a couple paragraphs on tumblr is not even half the in-depth critiques I have.

I just didn’t wanna spend time pulling up all the clips, and hateful vitriol that man spews.

yeah I say it. he’s not very cool headed or a civil man, he yells and screams at polite questions and well meaning people.

I may be snarky and mean spirited but the violent vitriol that man has spewed to people is just not okay and is against everything I stand for in this life.

I’m not “nice” but being kind to others is what matters to me, and if someone is pushing hateful rhetoric or just being an asshole I don’t think it’s wrong to call it out. Honestly I’d @ him on YouTube and ask many questions, which he’d probably yell at me for and call me horrible things and say I should die.

because that’s just how some people are, they’d rather people be hurt and dying than reform or be helped.

again, a kindness is not a niceness.

Many people before me have been nice and also extremely civil when asking well meaning questions and he blew up and said horrible horrible things about them.

and also I do think Hasan is the worst introduction to leftist ideals and theory.

like, fucking anyone else. Like I can pull up some amazing people who encapsulate everything that I want to see in the future, and so much more.

(Crippled-peeper on tumblr, spot-the-antisemitism on tumblr, aloeverawrites on tumblr, valcaira on tumblr, god so many more.)

but again I do not think it is mean nor unkind to have pointed this out to people.

Hasanabi has cultivated a community of ravenous people who at the smell of blood will swarm.

he is not a kind man, he’s actually an asshole, and people who keep saying otherwise have not been DEATH THREATENED by these types of people and fans and these types of leftists.

again this comes from experience and me learning the hard, hard way that people would rather defend someone who’d like to see people like me dead. Then help people towards a better future.

genuinely, again this is a long post wow look.

I’ve been so grossed out by the way Hasanabi talks to people and about people for YEARS now, it’s nice to see I’m not alone about it.

again, he’s not a good guy. He’s an asshole who platforms the wrong types of people and hurts the ones he says he wants to protect.

he uses his fans, the people he says he wants to protect and help, and the people around him. And for what? Vanity?

I’m no idiot, I’m not stupid.

I can read people and despite being autistic as fuck, I’m not fucking stupid.

it’s there in neon signage, and it’s so utterly performative.

again, why are you calling out me?

Who literally just said “he’s an asshole and has literally platformed terrorists”

which is the truth???

why is that so mean or unjust a thing to call out?

you’d do it too i hope.

but just, why do people come out of the woodwork to say “oh this guy who in 4K LITERALLY tells people to kill themselves, and voiced his support for TERRORISTS. Is just a little baby, he’s my blorbo, he’s not an asshole for that. you’re being mean and awful”

like, no. I’m not?

my god, how thin are people’s skin. If I have had to suffer through 100+ people over my lifetime telling me to off myself.

I should get a say in how that is an inhumane and cruel thing to do to people.

like, he’s a dick. He’s not kind, he’s an asshole and I do genuinely hope his twitch and YouTube get banned rightfully for spreading terrorism.

I regret nothing in this life, the people who I’ve helped and the people who I love and value deeply have given me more than enough to keep going.

and I will continue to fight with them and for them.

and yeah Hasanabi is the antithesis of my values, and he should get more shit and more flack for being genuinely just awful.

and I’m not afraid to say it, because I’m a tough motherfucker who’s been through hell already and there’s nothing left of me to feel fear anymore for bully’s and assholes.

they are all bark no bite, they are just sucky.

and honestly I love people and I don’t think Hasan is whatever.

he’s just a big ass asshole who needs to change his tune.

Actually show us he means to help and care for people, I hope he turns a new leaf and realises he’s been awful.

#-pop #activism stuff #leftism #leftist antisemitism #leftist hypocrisy #hasan piker #hasanabi #anticapitalism stuff #tbh he just sucks #I will attach video clips if needed but I’d rather not go digging for them #it’s literally super searchable #leftist politics #youtube #twitch

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screechthemighty · 5 months

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Great news, everyone, I've got new God of War fanfic incoming! Of note: The original characters included in this fic are from my "memories of mother" series. Technically that series isn't Ragnarok compliant, but I love those little blorbos from my brain, so I'm going to include them here and just tweak any details about them/those stories that aren't fully canon-compliant. Also, the full fic is going to delve into Asgard's war crimes, so brace yourself for that. (And if you happen to stumble across this at random, it's a sequel to ANOTHER fic called "will you greet the daylight looming?" which is on tumblr here. For context and all.) AO3 link will be in a reblog, but you can read the full chapter below!

dreaming 'til you hit the truth | a god of war fanfic part one

cw: childbirth, mention of family loss and grief

fifteen years ago...

Guðrún couldn’t decide which part of the situation was more unbelievable.

That Laufey, her notoriously single-minded adoptive sister, had settled down with a man.

That she was somehow with child before Guðrún (though not by very much).

Or that the man she’d settled down with was not a man, but a god. A foreign god, from the sound of things, but a god nonetheless.

Guðrún could sense his presence behind her as she kept her eyes on Faye. She probably should have felt more threatened by him, but he was really no different than every other new father she’d encountered: anxious, unsure of what to do, and fretting. It was almost comical. Guðrún did her best to ignore him. “How do you feel?” she asked Faye gently.

Faye huffed an exhausted laugh. “Hurts.”

“But nothing feels wrong?”

“No. Just…hurts.” For a moment, Faye’s eyes flooded with tears, ones unrelated to the pain of labor. She didn’t have to say anything; she’d done her grieving early in the labor. Her mother should have been there, her mother and her blood-sisters and the older women of the community. She should have had so many people around her to help. All she had was a foreign god, and her few siblings by adoption or marriage who would be leaving her soon

As if she could sense Guðrún’s thoughts, Faye rested her head against her shoulder and spoke in a low voice: “Don’t feel guilty. You’re here for me now. That means everything.”

It didn’t feel like everything. “I’m sorry…”

Faye shook her head. “My place is here. Yours…” One of her hands shakily rested over Guðrún’s belly. “...you have to live. She has to live, too. Wherever that takes you, you live. Hear me?”

There was such fierceness in her eyes that for a second, Guðrún didn’t know how to respond. There may have been a god in this home, but in that moment, Faye felt like the most formidable one. The guardian of Jotunheim. The one who’d broken the wall of prophecy and stayed alive despite everything.

Her sister.

That spark in Faye’s eyes was suddenly replaced by confusion, excitement, fear. “Fárbauti?” she called.

The god was at her side in an instant. “What is it?” he asked.

“I think…no, he’s coming, he’s definitely coming…”

Guðrún’s training set her in motion. “All right, then, you’re almost there…you can do this, Faye. Not long now.”

It felt like seconds and years until Guðrún was calling Fárbauti over to help her catch the baby. “All right, systur, one last push, there you go…he’s almost here…”

And then, there he was.

Just a small thing, small enough to fit in both his father’s hands. A little boy with his mother’s red hair and her eyes, once they opened. Guðrún wondered if he could sense the danger of the world he’d been born into. Maybe; maybe not.

But when he took his first deep breath and let out his first cries, Guðrún couldn’t help feeling like they were cries of defiance.

six months after ragnarök…

“You’ll wear a hole in the floor,” Hallveig said.

Guðrún stopped pacing and glared at her sister-in-law. “It’s not like her to be gone this long,” she pointed out.

“Laufey’s got a good head on her shoulders. A little delay doesn’t mean anything.” Hallveig’s voice was far too calm. “We haven’t seen any Aesir…”

“And the Aesir aren’t the only dangerous things in the world,” Guðrún snapped, though she knew why Hallveig had said it. She still flinched at the sound of thunder and the call of ravens. They all did. “Weren’t you almost kidnapped by a chicken house?”

“That was a misunderstanding. I told you, we sorted things out – “

The door suddenly opened. In burst Guðrún’s daughter, a whirlwind of chatter and excitement as always. “Mama, look!” she blurted, her dark hair breaking free of its braids and falling into her face. “Look at who I found!”

“Laufey Guðrúnsdottir, I…”

Guðrún’s rebuke died in her throat. Laufey was carrying a boy on her back. He had short red hair, tattered clothes, and the look of someone who had been travelling a long time. She recognized the make of his armor and weapons, the design of his tattoos.

More than anything, she recognized his eyes, big and blue and just like his mother’s.

Laufey set the boy down at the table. “Go on,” she said. “Tell her!”

Guðrún already knew, and from the look on her face, so did Hallveig. But hearing it was another thing entirely.

“I’m Loki,” said the boy. “Loki Laufeyson. And I’m here to take you home.”

#fic: dreaming til you hit the truth #god of war

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revoleotion · 3 months

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Tell me about 6 and 14 (and then 1 for personal reference)

WILL DO!! 💞 [rubs hands]

6. What nasty/evil/maladjusted character traits do you enjoy exploring in your little meow-meows?

I have a few favorites but the ones I find myself exploring the most probably are:

loss of self/identity and how the characters are grasping for any hints of their "old self" still in reach (ignoring those around them in the process)

the desire to feel safe slowly spiraling into paranoia where they start lashing out at anything they perceive to be a (possible) threat

being willing to sacrifice the world/reality/universe for That One Person (or to avenge their death)

characters claiming they are not worth the same as those around them, either because they are worth less ("I'm just a tool") or because they should be held to higher standards (because they're supernatural beings/have powers etc). bonus points for when it's a weird mix of both that leads to the most frustrating double standards

... looking at those and my current/past blorbos of the month, really have a type.

14. What's your favourite way to emotionally destroy your favourite character?

Okay. Heh. That's a fun one. So here's the recipe for disaster: You make them feel a certain emotion/have a certain thought. And then you make it so that they can't ever say it out loud, having to suffer with it alone. Either because they don't want to burden anyone, don't want people to be involved or hurt or simply because they want to seem more put together than they actually are. It's fun!!

Or you can like. Kill someone they love and watch them as they realize that they do not get to die and have to live with that loss now. Heh.

I just think characters with this very heavy, horrible, unspeakable weight on their shoulders are neat.

1. Have you written scenes (sex or otherwise) that actually made you feel uncomfortable, and how did you deal?

I have!!! For the most part, I stopped writing and when it was something I was not doing for myself (like a request I could just drop), I never returned to the wip afterwards. It took me a long time to be comfortable both reading and writing NSFW(ish) scenes in the first place, and I still reach moments where I'm like "okay! I thought I was ready for this but this is actually horrible, let's leave!"

... and then I leave.

But this mostly applies to things I was already unsure about in the first place, so let me think about scenes that I actually wanted to write and did write that made me really uncomfortable...

I do remember a text written from Barbatos Obey Me's pov where I detailed how he ends up in a relationship with MC against his will. I think back then I was very mad about how some people in the fandom had takes like "It's a dating sim so the fact that Barbatos isn't super romantic and doesn't prioritize my MC over the man in his life who is the most important to him is actually a personal attack towards me", so this is what I did to cope with that frustration.

The setup wasn't too uncomfortable, although I did have some problems with writing a nuanced portrayal of MC where I make it clear that their desires aren't a problem in itself but it's not what Barbatos wants. I dislike few things more than character bashing where a character is turned into a predator to show how ~horrible~ they are. If you can't show that a character is flawed without making them look 2-dimensional and cartoonishly evil... maybe you're just bad at writing.

The real discomfort started when I wrote that Barbatos starts lying to MC about his discomfort. I actually used lines from the game itself to make it clear how Out Of Character the fanservice dialog seemed to me, and how the character had turned into this twisted, unrecognizable version of himself, simply to satisfy fans (using MC as a stand-in). I really had to force myself through the scene where MC uses Barbatos' physical response to their advances as proof that he has to like them romantically too (and while Barbatos doesn't agree with that, he doesn't dare to disagree either).

Also, the scene afterwards where the other characters congratulate Barbatos and tell him he's basically won in life, all while Barbatos sits there and stops talking and just lets it all happen to him in order to please MC, feeling like his own comfort doesn't matter. And after all that, I sort of... made it better by giving him a little moment of being noticed? By Asmo? Even if they don't talk about it (yet).

I think what really helps with scenes that just fuck you over is sprinkle in some hope to change the atmosphere from unbearable to more... melancholic? And easier to handle.

#this is just peak whump inspo I feel #answered asks #writing

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glitter-lisp · 9 months

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6, 9, 18 for writer asks !!!!!!!!!!!

6. Which yet-to-be-started fic is first on your list?

HELP see this is such a hard question because I tend to smack out at least a few sentences for any given idea as soon as I have it, so technically all the fics on my list I've already started. Imma go with the little mermaid Varian au because I did technically start writing it already but just barely, so it doesn't count

9. Short term goals... what do you hope to complete this week or in January?

hnnnnnng it's nowhere near ready to post but I'd like to bang out a few thousand words of the next juicebox fic, maybe start prepping ahead on some of the later fics in the series. Off the top of my head I'm not really expecting to post anything else this month cause I'm still regaining feeling in my fingers after finishing the atla au but I wanna play with my blorbos behind the scenes still

18. Do you typically post multi-chapters as you write, or finish it all and then start posting? Would you like to change your posting?

OKAY SO FUN FACT. I TYPICALLY DONT WRITE MULTICHAPTER FICS AT ALL. I used to get VERY in my head about it because I was so worried about starting something I couldn't finish, so I would only write one shots or the occasional two chapter fic, in which case I would make sure both chapters were finished before I posted them. And then last April I thought "this is kind of an intense and unnecessary standard to hold myself to, I should work on that" and started writing something less quantifiable specifically because I had no plans for it to go anywhere, so it was literally created as exposure therapy for me to write it and abandon it to prove to myself the world would not end if I didn't finish a fic

AND THEN. I ACCIDENTALLY GOT REALLY INVESTED IN IT AND KEPT WRITING MORE so now it's exposure therapy for me remembering that fics will always be there to come back to and it's okay to take your time on them

This got long anyways point is i still write mostly oneshots but when I do post multi chapters I generally just post the chapters as soon as I finish, which means sometimes 3 or 4 updates in one week and sometimes months between each one. This will probably not change any time soon or ever

#cypresstrees #jaylia did u know im in love with you btw

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fangirleaconmigo · 2 years

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heya -

you did a four character game back in like, october, and what you wrote hit me so hard that i sometimes still visit the post/screenshot i have of it if i’m feeling particularly. sad. it’s one of the most important things anyone has ever said to me and you literally don’t know anything about me but it’s cool. and then at the end of my feels i always look at the tags you left , uh ,, ‘sorry im fully drunk right now’ and that is so goddamn funny. you suck. anyway i just looked at the screenshot again & thought maybe i should tell you. i had tony stark, sherlock, lambert, & iroh

Hello! Ok. I’ve read your ask a few times and I’m not completely sure how you feel about me because tone on the internet is hard. It seems like you like visiting the post but then you say that I suck so I’m not 100% sure 😅

So I am just gonna plow ahead and tell you how I feel about those posts. For those reading who weren’t following then or don’t remember, almost six months ago I posted this:

Ok, how about this game? Send me four pics of your favorite blorbos and I will psychoanalyze you.

Here’s how it works:

Send four pics

I need to know at least three of them. If it is live action scifi and fantasy, I’m very likely to know them. (If you want to do animated, I won’t know them unless it’s ATLA, Arcane, or Castlevania. I won’t know any video games other than The Witcher.)

I will psychoanalyze you.

This is for entertainment and fun. I am not a psychologist.

i might be too close for comfort. I might be incorrect. Pls pls pls don’t be mad. I don’t know you. This is just for fun.

I’ll do this til tomorrow.

Send me your blorbos.

I think waaaaaaaay too deeply about fiction, as anyone who follows me knows. I also think a whole lot about psychology and human behavior. That’s been more for my own survival.

So I thought hey this will be fun. I’ll look at the characters. I’ll find a common thread of emotional impact each of these characters can have on people. I’ll find a common point of emotional connection between them all. Then I’ll free flow.

And on one hand it was fun. I really do like doing it.

But on the other hand I started getting really really anxious every time I answered one. What if I missed the mark and offended the asker? Or worse? What if I hit too close to home and made them feel too vulnerable?

I know it’s just fictional characters and I was clear that it was for fun and I tried to come from a place of affection and positive uplifting thoughts for each person.

BUT STILL I didn’t know how I was making each person feel and that was freaking me out because what if I was making them feel bad?? (I often worry about the way I make people feel on the internet. I can’t see you guys so I don’t know how I’m making you feel so I get neurotic about it.) and not everyone responded to my answer and so ofc I just worried twice as hard when that happened.

So I have actually a lot of those asks left sitting unanswered in my ask box. It was really popular. People sent me asks who didn’t follow me, so even though people didn’t all rb their posts, it somehow broke containment (people were maybe sharing in dms or discord?) and I got a lot of them. But at some point my worry and anxiety about it stopped me finishing answering them. And now it’s six months later and I don’t know what to do with the posts I still haven’t answered. Would it be weirder to answer them or not answer them?

Anyway. Back to your post.

Everything I answer and put out there is with love even when inebriated and overly honest. And I just went back and reread my answer to you and went yep. That’s still what I see as the connective tissue between those characters. I hope on the balance it was a positive experience for you.

#asks #four character game

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aerodaltonimperial · 1 year

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More please?

(have some emotional support horror blorbos)

He catches sight of her out of the corner of his eye, during a practiced fast-walk in the airport terminal en route to baggage claim. The sight trips him up, knees knocking together; one ankle slips behind his other leg and he almost tumbles forward. He stops, because he can’t figure out why she’d be sitting like she is when they’re at their final destination. She’s hunched over, arms around her torso and waist bent, hair falling over her knees in little waves.

Jack turns around, backtracks, and sits down in the seat next to her. “Hey,” he tries. It sounds about as pathetic out loud as it had in his head.

Anna doesn’t answer, but her arms tremble more, so he knows she heard him.

“Do you have checked luggage?” When she nods, he continues, “Do you want to go and get it together?”

Maybe he shouldn’t offer. Is that something exes should do? Is that something appropriate when you come out of the bitter post-break-up phase only under extreme duress, after trauma has wrapped its icy fingers around both your wrists to keep you joined, after you’ve both moved on a little, in the butterflies-in-your-stomach, gentle kisses sort of way? Fuck, Jack doesn’t know. He wishes he had a manual for this.

“Those people died,” Anna whispers, muffled a bit against her hands.

Jack doesn’t know how to respond to that, so he just gums out a simple, “Yeah,” for lack of anything better.

“They died, but we got out,” she says.

“Don’t feel bad about that,” Jack tells her, with more sharpness than he intends. “Don’t feel bad for surviving; never that.”

Anna lifts her head. Her eyes are rimmed with purple bruises and a few black streaks where her mascara has been dragged across her skin. “Why did we get to live when they didn’t?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“We shouldn’t have—”

“Anna, don’t,” he interrupts. He’s pretty sure he knows what this is; isn’t there some kind of official term for this? Don’t soldiers get this sometimes? “We just did. We’re still alive. You can’t go down that road, you can’t start doubting everything.”

“How can I not?” she asks, finally bristling, a stroke of anger in her system. “We came out of an impossible situation alive and there’s no explanation as to why.”

“Sometimes there isn’t an explanation. Sometimes things just happen.”

She goes quiet, contemplative. Jack doesn’t really know if anything he’s said can possibly help. She’s so deep in her own doubts at this point, he’s probably not the right person to pull her out. Maybe Julia can talk to her, rationalize some things. It helps to know Anna’s got someone, actually—a tiny bridge over the river of their decidedly un-amicable split. The rage he’d felt for months is gone now, glossed over by everything that put his world in a harsh perspective.

Jack stands up and holds his hand out for her. “Let’s go.”

It doesn’t feel strange when she takes it. It doesn’t even feel strange when she keeps her fingers curled in his as they make their way down to baggage claim. Maybe, they can make their own rules on this. Maybe they can be friends now, now that life’s pulled the rug out from under their feet.

He gives Anna’s hand a little squeeze, hoping he can pass a little of whatever she needs on, and is relieved when she squeezes back.

“Let’s get dinner soon,” he says.

“Together?” she asks, and he understands what she means even if the word rings deceptively simple.

“Yeah. All of us.”

He used to find solace in the quiet, dark corners of the backstage corridors, back before…well, before. He used to like how calm things would feel without the fluorescent overhead lights beating down on him, and now—now it’s the shadows he fears, the unknown. Hook still wants a quiet place to unwind, though, so he moves slowly through the halls that are brightly lit and ignores the tiny off-shoots he would once have crept down. The end of this hallway sports one of the industrial stairwells: good lighting, few dark patches, and easy viewing both above and below.

It’s pretty fucked up how those are the sorts of things that Hook looks for now. He pushes the door open, though, and realizes he’s not the only one. He pauses for only a split-second before moving in and settling on the top step next to Darby’s seated form.

They make it for five minutes or so before Darby sighs, stretching one leg out in front of him so his combat boot scrapes against the cement. “It’s the dark, isn’t it.”

“Yeah.” It doesn’t even make sense, really; they’d been in the woods, not the shadows, but it’s the unknown that lives in the lack of light that feels the most dangerous. It’s the possibility that escape isn’t an option any more.

And here they are, the two people from their sorry little rag-tag band that, for whatever reason, had always been the primary targets.

“You sleep?” Hook asks.

“Like shit,” Darby replies.

Misery shared, it seems. Hook loops his arms over his knees, drawing them closer. A bit of dirt has smudged across the top of his sneaker, so he wipes it clean with his thumb. “How’s your shoulder?”

“Better.”

Hook thinks it’s a lie, but he isn’t going to push it. This is weird, and it isn’t. He doesn’t really like Darby. And the problem is, he’s pretty sure Jack does.

“If you hurt him,” Hook starts, slowly, rolling each word carefully over his tongue, “they’ll never find your body.”

Darby stares at him. “Are you giving me a shovel talk?”

“I’ll hurt you way worse than those things will.”

Another lie. Darby huffs out a little laugh, toeing at the ground. “Yeah. Alright.”

“He’s a good person,” Hook says.

Darby takes a long time to respond to that. “Yeah.”

“Good talk,” Hook says. At least thinking about that weirdness helped him forget, for a few moments, about the constant need to look over his shoulder at all times he carries around now. He sighs, dragging his hands down his face. What a clusterfuck. “I didn’t mean to interrupt, I was just…well. You know. Trying to find a place. Do you want me to leave?”

“No,” Darby replies. There’s no hesitation there. He stares at his boots and draws his tongue across his lip. “You can stay.”

“Okay.”

Hook stays. They sit in almost companionable silence until they can’t put off the return any longer, and then they head back to medical together. Hook wouldn’t call them friends, but he’s pretty sure they at least aren’t enemies any longer.

And at this point, he’ll take any win he can find.

“I’ll just be five minutes,” Julia says, and Brody nods. He doesn’t look over again, because he’s always been good about respecting her space and wishes. Julia slips out the door, and heads down into the basement.

There’s nothing down here but the janitor’s closets and the electrical rooms. Any room will serve fine, but she’d rather be comfortable, so she picks out one of the small rooms that houses the larger floor cleaning machines. Someone has put a chair up against the wall—she sits in it, crossing her legs. The threads hum.

She leaves the lights off, so the room is black.

Then she waits.

It doesn’t take long; he’s predictable like that. The air beside her chair shimmers, the air sizzling with the energy he brings, the kind of change that most people are oblivious to.

“Have they found him?” Julia asks.

“No,” Danhausen replies. “Danhausen gave the doctor the coordinates, but they haven’t.”

It’s the answer Julia expected, but didn’t wish to receive. She sighs. “They won’t, then; not there anyway. He won’t stick around an area now crawling with personnel.”

“None of them will.”

Julia taps her fingers against her thighs. She is off-balance; she doesn’t <i>like</i> being off-balance. She has worked very hard to steady her footing, and seeing it slip away is like a punch to the gut. “That’s three, then.”

“Two out of containment, and one…that never was.”

“It wasn’t just us,” she says, quietly. Even in the dark, she fears that someone could be listening in. The walls have ears, after all. “They weren’t just after us.”

Danhausen is silent for awhile. She has pressed on a bruise, a sore spot, and he always needs time to readjust after that. “No,” he finally admits. “They weren’t.”

“This could get dangerous.”

“Isn’t it already?” he shoots back.

“We may not be able to protect them. If it comes down to it, can you do what needs to be done with 049?”

Danhausen doesn’t hesitate this time. “Danhausen will split him open from navel to nose.”

“Good.” Julia nods. “We will need everyone.”

“Can they help?” he asks.

She considers this. There is a different type of strength in the others, one that isn’t threaded as magic in their veins, but it’s strength all the same. “Yes. They may not think they can, but they will.”

A pause. And then: “Julia. How are you?”

Her arm aches. The web remains as a tattoo, left behind and slightly bumpy. In the mornings, her sight is cloudy and she cannot find the right cords. But she says, “Yes.”

“You’re not a very good liar,” he chides.

“Only around you,” she says, and smiles.

#tag so you don't lose this shit #here i am once again writing fanfic of my own fanfic lolol

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bebx · 2 years

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How do you write Henry Creel being mean/icy, goddamnit!

I tried but he hit me over the head and babygirl'ed himself.

I mean, all the better for him (and Eddie because I am a hopeless bitch for that ship), but I crave that reluctant hurt/comfort.

😭

On another note, how'd you get into writing, if you don't mind me asking?

I mean he can be both a babygirl and a bitch (affectionate). But all jokes aside, I think this might be one of the reasons why I’m drawn to him, why I always end up writing about him; because, you know, his issues are, for lake of a better word, interesting, at least for me. Since I have a thing for writing fics about characters who have issues, and Henry’s just… my type of characters to write about. Basically a character who, to most people, appears as a cold-blooded psychopath, and is scary/intimidating, but is in fact someone who’s been hurt, and is deeply misunderstood. I get that most fans don’t see Henry as ‘misunderstood’ but I mean that’s how I personally see him, so I’m gonna go with that and that’s just how I write about him. So…. Yeah, my type of blorbos are the ones that appear scary/intimidating, but are actually babygirls who need love and affection (and maybe some forehead kisses) and that’s Henry Creel for you. He’s mean but he’s also a babygirl, and that’s what makes writing about him so fun (at least for me).

As for how I get into writing, okay… I wrote my first ever fic in the beginning of 2017, posted it on Wattpad since I wasn’t on AO3 back then, and it was for a character who was my at-that-time blorbo, the Joker — See, told you I have a type. I still like him as a character, even though I don’t write fics about him anymore. Maybe I’ll get back to writing about him one day, who knows, he’s still one of my all time favorites — after I spent months reading fics about him. Then, after months of reading a lot of fics about him, it came to a point where I thought, “Maybe I should write one, too. This way I can read what I want to read”, so I wrote my first ever fic about him. And the fic ended up getting more love than I expected, honestly. I mean I know it’s not about how many likes or views it got but about the joy of writing, and I actually had fun writing it. So I did it again and again, and I guess that’s how I got into writing. Basically I fell in love with a character first then the writing. It’s been a long way since that first ever fic of mine, and I’m actually pretty proud of all the progress I’ve made in terms of writing and stuff. I’m not that good at writing, obviously, but at least I’m getting better than I was when I first started so I guess that’s what counts :)

#my inbox is open #henry creel #stranger things #vecna #writing #writing tips #writing advice #ao3 #fanfic #writing tip #stranger things 001 #stranger things vecna #peter ballard #001 stranger things #vecna stranger things

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bookwyrminspiration · 2 years

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Hello there! I think I’m one of those peeps who appears to have just randomly ended up here bc my blog is many things, but it is not primarily a kotlc blog, and I show up and like your posts once in a blue moon - I’ve been lurking in the fandom tags for months (and whenever I’m in a lurking phase I’m always hesitant to like or rb things because anxiety is mean) after not really interacting with keeper fandoms for years (I think your analyses were some of the first posts I came across when I was rereading the series) and seeing other people post about my gay elf blorbos is so wonderful :)

Also, getting to the point here - I stayed up past 2 AM reading your fic because it was just. Anskdkfjdklsjf. Incredible. The stars-space-dark-light and finding each other motifs were so poignant and TIERTICE PROPOSAL (especially Prentice being the one to initiate affection and reminiscing and everything because Tiergan is so scared of getting so close just to lose him again and just. Oh my god the tenderness) and Tam rescuing Wylie from the light and them becoming brothers (brothers!!!!) and Linh and Rayni making amends and FAMILY and love and I absolutely love your writing style and this is just sleep deprived gushing but tldr: your blog and writing are wonderful and I hope this doesn’t come off as too weird! -🐳 (not sure if you already have a whale anon?)

Hello! I do not have a whale anon yet! Lurkers and not quite involved people are wonderful, it's so cool to see people who enjoy the same things I do even if you haven't made it practically your entire personality online. I'd put you in the "kinda unexpected but understandable" category, where I wouldn't peg the blog as a kotlc blog but they're involved in enough middle grade/ya fandoms that I can assume they partake in keeper casually.

There's just also this other category of "unexpected and I don't fully understand why you're here." This happens with like poetry and art aesthetic blogs run by adults, where they don't seem like someone who'd read keeper? And that's why most people follow me? But who am I to know their interests? So it perplexes me sometimes. I assume it's gotta do with my popular sibling post or something

But! back to your point! I am so sorry you stayed up late but also so flattered by that at the same time? wdym my silly little fic was worth losing sleep over? that does mean you got to read the fic at the same time the fic was set at though! I think that's fun.

Thank you for all the compliments!! i love the consistency the different motifs bring to each story, it feels like they're all intertwined in a deeper way. Like they're all on similar wavelengths in ways they can't even recognize but we can from the outside. It's so satisfying to write.

And the tiertice proposal! now they can be true antenna husbands <33. Was nervous to write their dynamic because I will be honest, I did absolutely all of it from memory and that memory was not very strong. Did not really pay attention to them at all when reading. And then when I realized "hey I didn't pay attention to them at all maybe I should double check what their dynamic is" I was too far into it and decided no we're winging it. If I just make this really good people will be too busy screaming to notice if they're out of character. I'm very glad I went ahead with my idea to add it (a proposal was NOWHERE in the original plan) because everyone seems to enjoy it if not find it absolutely adorable.

Yes!! Tam rescuing Wylie from the light! I hadn't even realized at first the meaning that could be found in that, I wrote it and only later realized that Wylie had been trying to get away from the light about found comfort in Tam, a shade. But I think it's an interesting comment on the importance of family to the two of them and the bond they've fostered, how something that can be seen as so threatening (all the things in the dark) can be utterly meaningless when it comes to someone you love. They're brothers and fiercely love each other, and it transcends expectations and social norms and they do it so casually. They fell into that life together, and I am. Endlessly fascinated by them.

Then there's Linh and Rayni!! Full disclosure I wasn't a huge Rayni fan going into this fic (she was fine, but I had more appreciation for her when she was Glimmer), but she grew on me. I admire how unapologetic she is, how thoroughly she's cast off her care for what other people think. I'm working towards being like that, but am not nearly as casual about it as she is. That whole section was an experiment with them

and don't worry, none of this comes off as weird at all! I think a lot of people fear they're weirder than they are, and if they are weird they should embrace it more :). I'm absolutely flattered you like my writing style though, so lucky for you I have no intention of stopping writing. Telling stories is so fulfilling I have zero desire to stop! so thank you for the encouragement, which I will use as writing fuel whenever I start up my next project (which is the dialogue prompts, but breaks about to be over and I just wrote that other fic so I'm chilling atm)

#quil's queries #quil's queridos #🐳 nonsie #you know I don't know much about whales #i'm more familiar with giraffes but it's also been a while and a lot of the knowledge is fuzzy #maybe I should indulge 7 year old me who fuckin adored giraffes #i don't actually know why she did but she sure did!#(i refer to past me as she)#do you know much about whales?#maybe I should watch a documentary

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silvysartfulness · 2 years

Text

I posted 7,130 times in 2022

That's 205 more posts than 2021!

149 posts created (2%)

6,981 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@ebonykain

@chigrima

@cryptidsamoyed

@nientedal

@veliseraptor

I tagged 2,361 of my posts in 2022

#the untamed - 516 posts

#smile with tear emoji - 120 posts

#asksilvy - 105 posts

#refs - 99 posts

#i laughed - 89 posts

#note to self - 69 posts

#the happy songxuexiao roadtrip story - 68 posts

#blorbo from my shows - 52 posts

#beautiful - 45 posts

#oh tumblr... - 37 posts

Longest Tag: 104 characters

#you are in fact autistic please try to get help so just trying to live won't leave you disabled for life

My Top Posts in 2022:

Chapter 48 - As The Waters Flow of Heaven Has A Road But No One Walks It is up! :D

The rains caught up with them at last, and any hope that it might ease the sweltering heat was thoroughly dashed – the air was so thick with humidity, it was worse than the mists back in Yi City, thick and heavy and hot.

And yet, despite the discomfort of damp, clinging robes and the relentless heat... there was a comfortable familiarity, a sense of peace to simply walking.

“I have been thinking, lately, about the flow of water,” Xiao Xingchen mused out loud, unthinkingly letting a nudge from Xue Yang's elbow steer him around yet some other puddle or muddy patch. “And I've realized that by setting my heart so firmly on what we hoped to achieve in Jinlintai, making it the one goal above all others... I blinded myself to the greater truth of what it is I – we - actually hope to do.”

“Of course,” Xue Yang amiably agreed, and he really should have seen the bad joke coming, he should have, “you are blind, Daozhang.”

—————————

Things are heating up, and it's not just the weather. 💚

I'm having a rough time with my creativity lately - please know that your comments and asks and fun tags are literally what keeps me going. If you enjoy this story and want more of it, please tell me so..? 🥺

Maybe even come hang out in my discord server? 💚

113 notes - Posted October 21, 2022

See the full post

134 notes - Posted August 23, 2022

Can't help but oblige and ask about your hc for the origins of Song Lan's mysophobia👀

I know I outright encouraged the question, but wow. 😂

So this was a headcanon I picked up for Heaven Has A Road after actually writing the events that partially gave rise to it.

When I was on vacation a couple of months back, I found myself without hand sanitizer after visiting a store, and after the last two years of pandemic and the super-strict regulations at that particular location, being unable to sanitize my hands for those few minutes before I got back to the hotel really made my skin crawl. Like there were potential pathogens all over them, to the point I could almost feel it.

And so logically, I thought to myself "Wow, this must be how Song Lan feels at all times."

And then my next thought was "Huh, and he was the one who immediately picked up on the abandoned zombie village having been devastated by a plague..."

So, a Song Lan who knows to spot the aftermath of a plague, a Song Lan obsessed with staying clean, avoiding closeness and touch... A Song Lan raised by a temple, because he had no family of his own...

Maybe the first plague he saw was his home village. Maybe toddler Song Lan was told by terrified relatives not to approach strangers, not to touch, wash your hands, keep clean - or the sickness will get you, will get us all...

And then it did.

Maybe Song Lan was taken in by Baixue because everyone else was gone. Dead. Their bodies twisted and swollen and festering, ruined and tainted by sickness. Uncleanness. And if you touch, if you get dirty, if you don't stay clean... It will get you too. Get you, and all those you care about.

He was too young to consciously remember any of it. In his mind, there's nothing before Baixue.

But after that, he never stopped compulsively washing his hands.

And he still can't make himself touch.

230 notes - Posted February 24, 2022

Happy birthday, Xue Yang!

There will be happy endings in your future yet! ♥♥♥

253 notes - Posted July 23, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Just your casual reminder that when faced with an enemy knocked flat on his back, Xiao Xingchen’s reaction was to go straight for the heart.

No demanding he surrender. No using the spirit-trapping rope he carries in his sleeve to restrain him. No hesitation, no quarter.

In that moment, beautiful Bright Moon Xiao Xingchen was 100% down for ice cold murder, and you can’t tell me Xue Yang didn’t fall in love then and there. ♥

512 notes - Posted April 18, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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