#maybe I can find one used somewhere...
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Picked up a check from the city's cultural coalition for my electrical box design and got a holiday check from my aunt on the same day...I might actually feel comfortable buying an easel even though I feel like I don't deserve one
#'real' easels are shockingly expensive#maybe I can find one used somewhere...#I gotta save my neck. no more craning over paintings on the dining room table#shout out to my aunt who lives overseas and has without fail always sent me holiday money even though I have been fully an adult for years#we don't talk much but I do like getting to be like 'hey you let me get fancy takeout with my husband that was nice'#boring text posts
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Little bright colored outfit with a fun vest ~
(shoes from ebay like 10 years ago. everything else is thrifted)
#ootd#jfashion#fashion#fantasy fashion#mori kei#....like... adjacent... lol#no idea what style this would be lol.. makes me think of like whimsical vaguely fantasy themed childrens book character#finally posting one of my aforementioned seven million drafts of actual outfits and costumes i have finished and edited#the photos for but just never feel like posting lol..#I need to find one of those people whos like 'omg i am ADDICTED to social media ugh i wish i could get off of it#im just browsing and posting like 60 times a daaaaay!!!' and take a little magical bottle and suck some of the social media#enthusiasim out of them. for moi. In exchange they can have some of my 'literally just never in the mood to post or interact with the#outside world ever' energy. We can balance each other. huzzah and so on#Though I think maybe it's part of the general thing I've heard of like.. I can't remember if it was in reference to adhd or just some sort#of general execcutive functioning issue type of thing - but the idea that things have to be ''just right'' before you do something. like#'oh i need to do this task. but i have to wait until XYZ first' or 'oh i can do this but only if X specific condition is met' or etc#The fact that I even have to be in a Specific Mindset to post. or sometimes will delay posting on social media because like 'oh well#I'm going somewhere tomorrow. somehow this matters. i cannot spend 5 minuts posting TONIGHT. clearly it will interfere#somehow schedule wise with the doctor appointment i have 15 hours from now. yes. yes. i must wait until my appointment is over#tomorrow afternoon. THEN i shall post' or etc. etc. lol. NOT even taking into account the many days#I just genuinely and physically sick and it's not even a mental thing. I just physically dont feel like sitting at the computer lol..#ANYWAY.. trying to get back into it. trying to get a business bank account.. make a proper paypal so i can start selling sculptures again.#selling clothes and sculptures.. posting about such things then of course as one must. etc... chanting to hype up and motivate myself lol#But yes. this is my favorite outfit out of the bunch so I am posting it first I guess.. maybe others later..#Also the purple dress says its from shein. which I've heard is bad fast fashion stuff. but maybe okay since its second hand? I havent#been to the bins since like 2020 or late 2019 even. and I think stuff like shein and temu has only become poular in the past few years#but I bet if I went to the bins now I might would find a good handfull of that stuff. Probably now not much different than what you#find in a walmart or a forever 21 or actual physical stores you can go to though. I hear quality of clothing is down everywhere no matter#where you get it or whatnot. What bountiful joys unfettered capitalism and exploitation bestows upon us (<being sarcastic).#Wearing one of my favorite little vests though. I love the texture of it and the clasps on it
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thinking about ch0mpkin's evil evbo post (evilbo, if you will) and going "How can I align this with My Interests (the axes)" and the answer is Very easily actually
#thoughts in tags.....#when the cookie crumbles#pciv#pvp civilization#you know. evbo leaving behind everything he knows for his friend and going along with The Plan#constantly telling himself its for the greater good its for the greater good#but the longer he goes on the worse it gets#and both tabi and clown force him to stop diagetically monologuing somehow because otherwise he'll blow their cover#so he just gets quieter and quieter and withdraws more and more#to the point where even tabi is thinking like “damn maybe i Should've killed him in sword civ...” but he's here now#another thing is i think evbo would 100% buy and sneak another video journal machine out and when tabi finds out she Flips Her Lid#clown is less concerned because he wasn't With them so he doesn't know like tabi does that he spends So Much Time On This Shit#not knowing that (like minute said) video journaling is the biggest reason evbo is able to take in so much new info and maintain himself#and if they straight up take it away from him he's going to get Even Worse#i think clown doesn't see it as much of an issue despite tabi's major objections because he'd literally be talking about their plan On Air#and that tape goes somewhere and is Seen by someone (plus if someone else sees their cover is gone cuz video journals are sword only)#but in his eyes that means the only people who will ever see it are the diamond swords in their ivory tower who can't leave anyways#so why worry? if anything it shows them what they're (the axes) doing to their (the swords) little golden boy and they can't stop it#another thing i thought about is that they would definitely hold killing evbo over his head like. Constantly#and evbo's fear of dying isn't the same because he never died to tabi's axe so he doesn't know zam is waiting for him (which is also funny)#so instead it takes a spin of tabi saying “ill kill you and let you respawn in sword civ and you'll stay there with your regrets”#because even if zam Wasn't still waiting for him he kinda ditched the diamond swords so uh... kinda lost your sense of kinship there#a-NOTHER point of interest: guardfriend#since guards can access all civilizations they'd definitely want to take advantage of his connections and relation with evbo#especially since unless evbo spills the beans he most likely wouldn't know the eternal sword was taken and tabi is the one who took it#let alone that she (and clown by extension‚ but to throw off suspicion he doesn't show up around guard) is a natural born axr#so they can defo use what trust those two have to get places easier#but if he ends up getting in the way... [makes a chopping gesture across my throat]#could even do it in Front of evbo as an example of what happens to those who stand between them and their mission#holy shit this is the first time ive ever hit 30 tags. wtf
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it was so stupidly difficult to find any nutritionist who has experience with arfid & takes insurance so after having to go through all these referrals my therapist sent me & jumping through hoops I lowkey hate the lady lmao feels like such a waste of time & energy
#its only our third time meeting but its so beyond fucking frustrating to feel like we spent the whole hour going in circles & lowkey arguing#& like she never actually listened to any of the things ive told her. like the ENTIRW REASON i told her i was seeking extra help after#dealing w arfid type noncense all my life was 'achieving goal x is always kind of tough but im trying to do it while also achieving goal y &#im struggling with finding a way to balance the two things' like thats IT & then as shes suggesting things to try im like idk of those are#worth the effort bcus they conflict w goal y & shes like. have you considered not worrying about that so you can focus on x?#like NO bcus thats what i was previoislt doing & it doesnt fucking work for me! & she was just not understanding what i meant by adding#variety or having 'better options' shes all like. ok but even if this new thing conflicts with goal y it can just be another option for you#like thats not the POINT i already have enough options i can switch between that conflict with that like the whole point is i need to fill#the gaps w things that are nutritionally different. like if im ok with something thatll use up a significant portion of ny daily values of#shit then i already have multiple options that i actively like well enough i dont wanna waste my time adding more that are things i think#are just ok but take more work. literally whats the point of that#& im like i think rather than me just thinking of random shit i think i could try itd be helpful if I could like get some guidance on like#what are some things that fall into somewhere into this category or this adjacent category while also not being this other thing & then i#cab like determine from there what i already like & can try & add more of & things from that list that sound like sth i can try#& shes like well idk theres a lot of foods out there. YEAH ABD ISNT IT YOUR FUCKING JOB TO KNOW ABOUT FOOD? like i gave fairly specific#parameters this isnt like a 'list every food on earth' type of question what am i even paying you for if you cant come up with a list#like that. & she jept getting hung up on like well lots of things that are the most calorically dense are gonna be like that like ok it#doesnt have to be the MOST dense maybe think about it like 'the densest things in this other category' which sounded straightforward to me#but she was just like continuing to argue & also like getting hung up on reminding me that everything is dependent on portions like#I FUCKING KNOW?? like if a serving of something is like 10% of my dv id rather find something where a serving is 5% etc. idk how thats like#a hard concept like whats the point of adding something to be like oh sure ill have a third of a serving & get 50 extra calories out of it#be so fr rn im so beyond frustrated still even tho its been hours since i talked to her this is more stressful & annoying than the stress of#just trying to figure shit out on my own i fucking hate having to try & re explain nyaelf ivee & over & have someone just talk over me &#fail to understand what im getting at. im one more shitty session away from quitting & just resigining myself to 70% liquid diet#anyways#texticles
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It is my god given mission to NOT draw fakir as a white boy idc what’s canon, this interview annoys me so bad

[ID: rough transcript of an interview with Ikuko Itoh. Someone asks “since fakir is an Arabic word, does that mean fakir is Arab and/or was he intentionally made to look so, and if so why?” The transcriber writes “her response to this is that while in her mind he is not Arab, she wouldn’t rule out the possibility that fakir has Arab ancestry in his family tree”]
WHY’D YOU GIVE HIM AN ARABIC NAME THEN?? It’s okay mr fakir I won’t let her whitewash you
#that one Reddit thread that’s like my friends want to name their white baby jungkook#maybe there’s an argument for him being named after an Arabic word rather than a proper common name BUT#I did my research and all instances I can find of fakir being used as a first name are middle eastern or south Asian men#hmmmmm 🤔🤔#tho disclaimer I’m white so I’m not the person to be complaining about this#I’m sure someone can articulate the ick much better than I can#or maybe I’m complaining about nothing who knows ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#anyways when I draw fakir he’s Arab btw#like mixed ig because drossy is in there somewhere#princess tutu#like urghhhh the vibes I get are that she chose the name because she thinks it’s cool and mysterious but I’m like. GIRL#ITS AN ARABIC NAME
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Finally back to working on the fic again and I just want you all to know that the entire time period the next two chapters encompass, Bella is face-down on her mattress hungover af and completely passed out the entire time.
#insert that one 'laying on your side with your legs splayed out weird' meme#couldn't find it by googling that phrase wouldn't you know#just a reminder that bella is a huge alcoholic and i am actually skipping a scene where leo drags her home while she's sloshed#and trying to fight everyone she sees#i'm hoping to get the first one out by thanksgiving i'm telling you all so i will hopefully feel more compelled to get it done#i'm actually going somewhere this thanksgiving! my sister's boyfriend invited us to thanksgiving at his mom's house#along with his sister's boyfriend and his jewish lesbian moms#i will kind of miss our chillax thanksgiving where my mom burns something and we watch a bad hallmark movie while eating#but honestly we do the exact same thing for christmas dinner so it's not like we're really missing out#poor angel won't get his mashed potatoes and biscuits though we'll have to do something for him#i mean he's already jealous of the fake turkeys we have up#maybe we just won't tell him it's thanksgiving#he can read a clock but i don't think he can read the calendar
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Hey, look guys, more art-

HOPE.
I’ve been wanting to draw him like this ever since I first saw him smile, but my will to draw eluded me until now! This started off as a doodle, so, please excuse the messiness. I drew this to de-stress.
“Fire” Red belongs to @creatively-cosmic. They have a blog called @themissingnumbers, which is really good! Go check it out if you want to see more.
[Sketch + Colored Version below the cut!]


#Not my greatest work but it’s what I made :)#Hope you don’t mind the lack in quality- haha#I’ve made better pieces#but I still like this one!#I feel like I’m getting better at drawing his hair lmao-#I just kinda messed around with this one but I really wanted to draw him smiling#Fire smiling makes me happy :)#He deserves to be happy#and I hope I can help him attain that happiness.#Even if my help is the equivalent of Baby Steps lmao#Gotta start somewhere!#I could not find the font used for the hidden text for the life of me#but I found a similar one!#Hope Starry and the Mods are doing well!#And I hope we get to see more Happy/Hopeful Fire in the future :)#His smile is precious-#(Bonus!: Y’know what I really wanna see? Red smiling. And not the creepy wide/crazy/manic smiles he usually has.#I mean a true honest-to-god genuine smile. Now THAT would be a sight for the history books. Red deserves to smile too.#Just like everyone else does.#That might be my next goal aside from befriending Leaf—getting Red to smile.#Is that probably going to be extremely difficult? Oh most definitely! But I think he’s worth the effort.)#(Bonus-Bonus!: I wanna give Red a hug so bad-#but I also feel like he’d bite me or something if I tried :(#Maybe he’d just let it happen? Or cry. Or both—who knows?#Red deserves some gentle treatment. He’s been through a lot too.)#I wonder who I’ll get the will to draw next? Hopefully I’ll do them justice!#Long ahh tags Jesus Christ- Didn’t know I could max them out.#Missing Numbers#Fire Red Yuuji#My Art
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I'm suffering from a very real crisis of having absolutely poetic lines coming to mind and having nowhere to put them except in my notepad
#rambling#i need to find the perfect fanart to use this line on :(#i like writing down random sentences i can MAYBE use in my fanfics but uhh this one is just a stream of consciousness#i need somewhere to wax poetic before the words consume meeee
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pretty much found out my worries and suspicions were correct and my childhood best friend is in an emotionally absuvie relationship and i feel like im gonna hulk out. or im gonna bust into his apartment like the kool-aid man holy shit
#abuse tw#i guess??#i am between enraged and bawling my eyes out#i feel guilty that if i had stayed in his life after high school maybe it couldve been different but thats dumb#we sort of had a falling out at the end of high school just from being teenagers and maturity levels and probable neurodivergrncy#but his family and my family are friends and we reconnected relatively recently#god he doesnt deserve this#im pretty sure i know he doesnt feel like he can do any better or find anyone else and it breaks my heart#hes grown up so much he has so much to offer and i hate he feels like that#i dont even know what im looking for here besides just putting these feelings somewhere besides inside me#i just want him to be ok and be happy and it doesnt seem like he is#no one fucking likes her and everyone thinks shes a walking red flag#i dont want to tet into it i feel like i blacked out everything his parents were telling me because all i could feel was red hot rage#i swear to whatever the fuck is out there please dont let this continue for him. please let one of us get through to him#fuck man
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the Starlight Express Alumni Podcast is fascinating because you have
-multiple stories of people accidentally falling into roles that suit them perfectly, in very different ways
-Reva Rice basically never got hurt and one of the only times she did was OFF SKATES when she fell down the stairs
-Dolan Jose REALLY wanting to cover the “girl components” and being SO excited to at least be Wrench
-the mental image of a 6’6 Vegas Showgirl looking guy as a couples therapist
-the perpetual challenge of casting Poppas lol this constantly comes up in different Stex interviews
#eric clausell seems like a really nice guy but it’s just REALLY funny imagining him in mundane settings#honestly i find the production history and stories behind stex more interesting than a lot of the actual canon#there is so much fascinating depth behind how the skating physics impact characters#makes me really want to get back to the rink and maybe look into classes so i can just understand that aspect of them better#stuff like “‘cars’ have to hold on VERY tight because some of the ‘engines’ will just blast off”#the poppas usually needed the most warnings/guidance for cars because some of them did unusual things#because he’s SO hard to cast they’d just work with what they could get skating ability wise a lot of the time#lon satton only braked on one side and needed to be pushed up hills/didn’t control himself well going down#it’s also funny how mykal is constantly haunting them because they’ll namedrop him constantly and assume you know who he is#but barely say anything about him and he never actually appears#i want to use that as a story element somewhere because it’s mysterious and amusing#just make mysterious comments about how great Joe Schmoe is and never elaborate assuming you know who he is already
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it's so frustrating dealing with a friend that seems set on finding imaginary slights against their person and seethes in silence waiting for you to figure out what you did 'wrong' this time 🤦♀️
#this is the fifth time since october i've invited her somewhere to catch up and she said no#always with some excuse#which. sure. i can't verify#maybe the 8th time in the last year she refused for some reason or another#but there's only so many times you can give someone the benefit of the doubt#when she never initiates anything and just waits for us to ask her out#and if you don't happen to do that within the secret interval of time she is available and which she never discloses#she registers it as a slight#i'm so tired of these stupid mind games how old are you/??#also she is SO hard to get hold of. never answers anything on any messaging app for days on end including the weekends#even if the proposal is time sensitive#girl you are NOT that busy bffr#i remember we invited her to see barbieheimer and she did not freaking answer on time. as usual.#and we had to get tickets without her bc the time slots quickly sold out#and ofc she was pissed at us bc she's can't be bothered to reply 🤦♀️#she always is pissed even when it's clearly her fault#when she clearly sees the message bc she DOES check the apps whaddyaknow#and the one time we did manage to see each other she had the gall to propose that we go out more often!!!#and then never initiates anything and refuses everything#ik if i were to recount this to a third person they would tell me she already checked out of this friendship#it's so stupid#having to walk on these eggshells#bc we didn't even have a falling out she's just finding pretexts to become offended#that was been her modus operandi since the freaking pandemic#good lord the stories i have#lemonposting#anyway i'm bummed out now
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I think I just guaranteed queen of nothing by the crane wives a place in my spotify wrapped tonight because of time princess
#so basically im in an inactive society that wasnt always inactive#and i became leader without trying to#i was just chilling and somehow racked up the highest contribution without trying to and then the last leader went offline#and i dont even know who the last leader was#i dont 100% stories and ive got almost every companion at level 10 or higher#ive crafted virtually every blueprint i have that i like and played every story im interested in#i was just waiting for the next event forever. after the shock wore off becoming society leader gave me smth to do in this game#while making me realize we'd become v inactive#twilight's crown had recently come out and i found that fitting#i pour hundreds of materials into time goddess because i dont use them for anything else#i spent 400 diamonds on fantasy promise like one girl can get the whole team out of prelude when no one else has above 1k starlight points#i put so much into an inactive society. i know i should leave#but part of me keeps going ''and just abandon my people''?#it's not like leaving will send me back to having nothing to do. i can keep putting this energy into an active society#and get my moneys worth#which never really crossed my mind until tonight#i know not to cling to obvious lost causes. i've seen what happens when you do.#still feel bad about ditching when i'm the only one who still shares codes in chat#but they can do the same thing.#maybe i should encourage them to.#i'm thinking stay until fantasy promise ends#and/or until i've got this last piece of this society set crafted (unless that takes too long and october happens before then)#(bc if i'm leaving i wanna be in an active society by the time sprint rolls around)#and then screenshot the society id in case i cant find somewhere better and choose to come crawling back#ok i have rambled about this in my phone and notebook 3 times and each one has made me more certain of my decision to leave#everyone in the dutp discord says i need a new society#anyways#i needed to talk about that somewhere#queen of nothing has been on loop in my headphones for an hour
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alright. long shot. any followers(/anyone seeing this post ig) speak irish
i want to learn but it would definitely be helpful to uh. have someone to practice with lmao. i have been listening to a little podcast at work just to get a feel for it & pick up what i can (which is not much bc i have to focus on what im typing & also cant read the written notes that go along with it) but theres not very many eps & also its in the ulster dialect & i think id prefer a different one
i know a while back i reblogged some longass post specifically about resources for learning irish so i gotta go find that & dig through it... maybe tomorrow lmao. but iirc it did have A Lot & idk whats in what dialect & im not really set on one anyway at this point but if anyone has a suggestion or preference or whatever that would help narrow down my options at least lmao. like im from the us i have no immediate plans to visit ireland im too broke for that shit so its really just a matter of Whatever I Feel Like i guess??? idk. i havent really had much time to look into anything due to the ten million other things going on all the goddamn time but i would Like To
anyway. its very late i need to go to sleep but yeag feel free to like message me or send me an ask or whatever
#its a long shot mostly just bc i dont have a lot of followers lmao so the chances aaaaare slim. but not zero !!#i know theres Thoughts on what word to use to refer to the language in english but for the sake of clarity (& bc i am not educated enough on#this topic to Have An Opinion) i am opting to just call it irish . if u Know Ur Shit & want to tell me ur thoughts on the matter feel free#the podcast was kind of just. the first/easiest thing i could find. so i just stuck it on my work mp3 player..... the site is dead tho. sad#I WILL ADMIT maybe this is a little tiny bit so i can write dialogue for my oc..... but i also just do genuinely want to learn it#that IS my main reason for not wanting to stick with ulster tho lmAO#i havent decided where hes from exactly but probably somewhere less northern#tbf the main story i use him in is entirely fictional places so its kind of eeeeehhh i can do whatever#like if you want to get Technical there really wouldnt be an irish language bc theres no ireland but then there also wouldnt be english...#& im NOT making up whole fucking conlangs as much as id love to i dont have the time for that so were using certain real languages as#stand-ins for the fictional ones that i will not be making up .#im getting off topic . its just a thing i think about a lot. anyway goodnight
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I wanted to make a cleaner summary of last week's classes and also review the classes I have this week since the material is already uploaded beforehand but I was feeling so horrible throughout the day that when I sat down I was just gonna look at the ones for tomorrow but I think I'm just gonna go to bed because I just gave my little numbers game a few tries and not even the joy of tribial elementary school-level math games is bringing my brain cells and/or full sentience back
#diary#accessing it through the CMD thing and not just running it from the IDE made me realize a few things about it though so I'll hav#I'll have to maybe jot them down somewhere when I'd normally just be rly excited and try to fix them straight away like I am truly fucked r#I do wanna make an eng version of it sometime soon so I can share it even tho it's literally the simplest little thing. it's fun if you're#an easily amused nerd that loves playing with numbers in a truly useless manner. if that makes sense#also very obviously text-only I am NOT torturing myself with any graphics of ANY kind rn#it closes immediatly as they do and also when it comes to having double/triple digit starting numbers it becomes a lot less fun I think tho#though I haven't used it much with those yet#I still wanna figure out a way of making it better when it comes to 2/3 digit starters. and my original idea included maybe keeping track#keeping track of how many steps you took even between different rounds but I made the simplest version for now. I also think making like a#''this was the least amount of steps possible!'' type thing would be very very cool but that is FAR too big brained for me rn#cause I can figure out how to do the record keeping thing but that last one is like. let's stop talking for a little while.................#oh but adding an actual interface sounds so fun even though I have very little clue on how to do that rn I could probably STOP typing becau#because I can feel my stupid ass self start getting excited about this which will make it so I start working on it instead of going to bed#NO. DOWN !!!!!!!!!!!!!! auhgh............ oh man I had a lame joke to make but I completely forgot what it was#I have coding class tomorrow in which I normally just do the exercises as fast as possible before playing around but the only Python editor#I could find installed on the school computers was Visual Studio Code and I have no clue how to use that shit like I don't need so many#so many buttons. probz. OKAY GOODNIGHT
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pilfering a book seemed rather mundane unless the book in question was held up in a super secret location that only Yevon monks would know about. it wasn't HER FAULT when she overheard them whispering about it, nor was she TOO BLAME when she snuck in after them as they mentioned it needed to be escorted somewhere. though she did manage to yonk it out of their grasp, however, that was when the chasing began.
" right! " she yelled out as she tossed the book , one that was clasped shut with a tight lock on it. she watched as Yuna was suddenly the target of their ire. though two monks did stay on her tail, " uhh! meet you back out that way! " rikku yelled out again , this time splitting up -- for now -- heading out a door to her left. she was used to this. the running. the slipping up, and the delightful victory at the end of the road. which would happen to be any minute. once she gets rid of the monks. hiding back in yevon's temple.
it took her a bit, but eventually she got free of those two, and refound @ofmoonlily . throwing her hand up in the air and speaking a bit too loudly, " piece of cake! " she went on to explain what she overheard the monks saying before adding, " think it's got something good written in it? " then she threw her hands behind her head and added, " or should we just sell it? "
continued.
#( ofmoonlily. )#⚡//: ooc. ( lady bug here ! )#hey hey hey excited to give rikku another try!#i kinda imagine that maybe they stole something rhat was actually super important ro Yevon?#like maybe its a new peace treaty with somewhere else or like --#historic scrolls of Yevon all written down?#ill let you decide what it could be if youd like otherwise ill use one of my ideas? :DD#of course we could make it a small adventure for them to even be able to OPEN the book haha!#also sorry im iconless until i can find a new editing app to make icons on!#tou can still use yours if you'd like to!
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the apartment we looked at today was really bad - like, one room was missing half the flooring and they (the landlord) just put carpet over it. luckily it was only the current tenant there, though - she told us about the landlord and that she's... not great. so even if the apartment had been decent we wouldn't have been interested after that.
#it also helped us further narrow down which places/villages we'll consider from now on#it's basically just down to three places now.#and they're the same ones we would have preferred the last two times we moved.#but damn I'm just really not willing to go through all this work again just to end up in *another* shitty village that I know I won't#really like.#I'd rather stay with my mother for a couple months if it means we find a good place.#(it'd have to be my mother and not my in-laws because we're pretty sure they wouldn't want our cats in their house. so)#like it'd SUCK but I can. not. keep moving somewhere new every fucking year#especially since it takes me a year to start feeling sort of at home#we've been thinking we *might* be able to start thinking about maybe possibly mayyybe buying a house at some point. if I find a job and if#it's one that pays enough and so on.#and we would really rather not move again until we can do that.#(if we can. it's only a very vague idea at this point. but we've realised it's the *only* way we'd actually feel fully comfortable somewher#we're bad at living in a house with other people 🙃)#(and there are *no* houses for rent that aren't absolutely huge and/or way too expensive)#personal
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