#maybe 4 maybe i wont even need that many books to make the main relationship realistic but!! i dont know!! oof!!

[summer-2024]

i will be a senior in high school in the fall and im very excited!

my main goals for this summer are:

1. apply for scholarships

2. learn to wake up with alarms and not my parents

3. be kinder to everyone (including myself)

4. (and the most unrealistic) get into a relationship again!

elaborating further:

1. the college i would like to go to is quite expensive but i fell in love with the campus and its only about an hour from my town, so i need to make up the change using scholarships. merit based scholarship through the collage covers most, and my parents will help with room and board, but there is still a good chunk i need to make up through other specialty scholarships. im doing a camp there soon to make sure i really love it so im just researching a bit right now. im planning on looking on wensites like bold.org etc

2. i need to learn how to do this asap. the camp i mentioned previously is in eleven days and breakfast starts at 7:30 and i struggle with alarms a lot. i just set one for 7:30 tomorrow morning so fingers crossed. its 11:25 now so quite late, but lights out at the camp is at 11 i think. im worried i wont get enough sleep

3. im really not a very kind person, im mean and its not good at all. im rude to myself and others and its not okay and it negatively impacts me and others. i want to be more kind, and that includes to my body. the gym has a free summer program so im planning on starting to work out as well so hopefully that will help improve my kindness as well. i need to find an exercise plan however. if i put in effort for myself thats like humility right? i got a gratitude journal as well so we will see.

4. my ex girlfriend broke up with me a little over a year ago, and ive had crushes since then but i havent even flirted with anyone i dont think. the guy i had a crush on last summer is dating another girl but the other guy i have a crush on (ironically they have the same name) just began following me on instagram so maybe theres something there. time will tell! i dont think we will have many classes together next year because i only plan to take one ap class, and this year most of our shared classes were aps (i took four this year and it was decidedly wayy too many.). regardless, im really hoping he will do this one class where they do writing for a book that my class puts together (im in graphic design) because he does creative writing and ive been fantasizing us working together on the book because the writing class this past year was all older than me and i wasnt close to many. nothing will likely come of attempting to date but we will see!

here is to hoping this summer is good!

also the reason i have so much time to do all of this is because my job isnt scheduling me but 6 hours a week so i have time to kill. i might get a second job though.

[galaxyblake]

The 100 Final Season Speculation Tag

Thanks for tagging me <3 I missed this kind of stuff, even if my ideas are always all over the place @bellarkes-hope

1. Which character are you most excited to learn the endgame of: Bellarke (big duh), Mackson, Memori and I want Niylah to find a soft girlfriend <3 (edit: I read someone’s answer of this and realized they mean storylines not only relationships. OoPppps 😂)

2. Which character are you most excited to learn the backstory of: Honestly? No one. I want them to stop introducing new characters and side plots and focus on the main characters of this damn show I’m looking @ you “back door pilot” 

3. One character who deserves a new look: I do miss Bell’s season 2/3 curls but I really want to see Clarke with her hair up. It would be cute with the short hair. OOOOOH. Okay, I know, have Jordan wear Jasper’s goggles. Satisfy my nostalgia. 

4. Two locations you want to revisit: The drop ship (RIP) and the Ark. I want to a flashback with Wells...GIVE IT TO ME.

5. Three brotps you hope get more screentime: Murphamy, another big DUH. Madi and Jordan bonding over their adoptive parents. Diyoza and Octavia.

6. Who will get the happiest ending: Jason...he’ll kill everyone and will really think that he did something, something...edgy.

7. Which minor or new characters you want to see more of: NO NEW ONES. Really dude, I don’t care, I don’t. I want more Niylah, Eric, Miller and Jordan. Is that too much to ask? Okay, dont @ me but I also loved Josephine’s sass

8. Who will eventually snap Jordan out of the funk we see him in, at the end of 6x13: Monty and Harper. They’re gonna have a video play or a note be read, or a memory brought up...Idk I just miss Marper. I miss my delinquents. Maybe it’ll be Jasper’s goggles and he’ll start talking about Jasper as if he knew him because like his father said before, every memory he had Jasper was right there with him. 

9. Who will be the first to tell Bellamy he can’t immediately run into the Anomaly after Octavia: Gabriel. I think Echo may try to help Bellamy and that’s why everyone will get split up. I don’t know...

10. To reference Monty’s ‘do better’ mantra: I kind of hope that it’s the Blake siblings. I think Octavia will die and say it to him, but it wont be in reference to him. She’ll do something heroic and hope he knows that she wants to do better and always did, no matter how many mistakes she made she never wanted to be Bloodreina. I feel like Monty was IS the glue for them. He always reminded them of who they started out as and I think that’s huge for Octavia to remember. 

11. To say 'go float yourself’: Murphhhh Watch, it’ll be echo 

12. Random object or prop you would bring back for Season 7 if you could: CHESS PIECE. CHESS PIECE. CHESS PIECE. AKA, bring me Wells. 

13. Book One storyline/reference you want to see back for Season 7: The Jobi nuts, lol. But no, it would be neat to have them reference the pit scene and how much things have changed between Bellamy and Clarke. Give me all of the parallels. 

14. Dead character you would like mentioned: I don’t know if you’re aware of this.... BUT I MISS WELLS JAHA. 

15. How do you think Hope and Octavia know each other (from season 6): I’m not sure. I think we know that it’s something sketchy. Maybe a plan where Octavia needed Hope’s help to go and warn the others about the big bad in the anomaly and had to owe a debt to someone to get back to them, not knowing she’d forget. Hope brings her back, to fulfill the debt, but I think Octavia planned her return to the anomaly while IN the anomaly (if that makes any sense). I don’t know if Octavia knew Hope as a kid or an adult...I really don’t know how that time works because Hope was in the anomaly when we saw her...maybe she’d age differently outside? I’m confused. 

16. How do you think it all will end?: The anomaly will be a savior in a sense, a sanctuary after they defeat the big bad. The living characters will be reunited with their loved ones in a sort of poetic, are they dead, are they not kind of thing. That or it’s all some kind of simulation or time loop (not time travel). But if I’m being honest everyone will love will probably be dead in the end with NO happy ending

Sorry if any of you have already been tagged: 

@niylah @nightbleeder @clarkgriffon @blakefreckles @blakes-griffin @blakebird @lightcomingthroughthedarkness @babybellblake @bellamynochillblake @bellamyplake @fen-ha-fuck-you

[captainshyguy]

thinkin abt my ocs in this chilis tonight

[fuckyeahasexual]

A complete guide to how the asexual community is NOT lying about the pathologization of asexuality and how many aces(even young ones)have had their asexuality tried to be“fixed” and “converted back to normalcy”

Trigger warning : Conversion therapy,abuse

As if the so called ace “”discourse””( which has till now involved aphobes and exclusionists comparing ace people to nazis,pedophiles,white supremacists,slave owners,homophobes,  ,talking over ace WOC by white people, telling ace people AND kids to kill themselves,victim blamig and gaslighting ace victims of rape, putting extremely graphic sexual content into asexual tags and sending sexual content to ace minors and adults who are are suffering from sexual trauma even after they told them to STOP ) could not get any worse, we now have these pathetic excuses of human beings accusing ace people of lying about their trauma and abuse just so that they can justify their harassing of ace people.

Im TIRED of seeing these “”highly intellectual people”” keeps repeating bullshit arguments so im gonna make this post addled with appropriate resources and links to handle these two topics:

How asexuality is pathologized

Can the abuse and trauma ace people go through when people try to “convert ace people back to normalcy” and “fix” their asexuality really be called “conversion therapy”?

This is gonna be long,but i hope you will stick with me though this because im going to try as much as possible to make this as source-fuilled and educational for yall. So here we go:

1. Has asexuality really been pathologized?

Short answer,Yes.  Many mental health professionals had consideredasexuality an illness throughout history.There are many articles talking about it.Up till 2013, indicators of asexuality like lack of sexual attraction,sexual fantasies towards other people, lack of interest in sex etc were basically classified as Hypoactive sexual desire disorder in the DSM which was revised just to include that all those indicators WOULD be considered as a “symptom” of HSDD unless a person self identified as “asexual” which wasnt much useful since not everyone(especially young people) might know that they are ace and can be pressured by their peers into going through the “treatment” for HSDD .They did the same thing before they removed homosexuality from the DSM.

Heres the long answer :

Throughout history , asexuality has brought out bigots to talk about how “unnatural” it is and how it obviously is a “mental illness/disorder” bc experiencing sexual attraction is always considered an inherent experience to almost all living beings.There are many medical and psychological articles either directly referring to asexuality as a disorder or referring its main indicators like “lack of sexual attraction,sexual feelings towards other people”etc as a mental disorder.

But the most well known instance of pathologization of asexuality is the  HSDD (Hypoactive sexual desire disorder).It has been in both The International Classification of Diseases and  Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders both which are used by mental health professionals and psychologists to diagnose people.

There was a huge pushback against HSDD by asexual activists bc it categorized all indicators of asexuality like lack of sexual attraction,sexual fantasies towards other people and lack of sexual desire etc as a disorder.As a result,  asexuality was officially given an exception in the DSM-V by stating that if a person experiencing all the symptoms of HSDD self ID’d as asexual then they wont be diagnosed with it.This seemed a good enough thing to do and acephobes keep bringing it up to show how “different HSDD is from asexuality” and how “The medical world has “”accommodated”” itself for the comfort of ace people” but this act and the whole concept of a “Hypoactive sexual desire disorder” are considered problematic and have been put through questions not only by ace people, but feminists and activists too . Heres why :

1. The person STILL has to identify as asexual to be not diagnosed.Asexuality still isnt as visible and well known of an orientation so  if a person doesn’t know that they’re asexual, the DSM does no work to sufficiently differentiate between these “sexual disorders” and a sexual identity. so it could very well happen that someone who doesn’t know that they’re asexual is convinced by a therapist that they have a sexual abnormality that needs to be corrected(x)  .Taking into consideration the fact that a lack of sexual attraction is still seen as a sign of “brokenness” etc , the aphobia ace people face from their peers,how sex is seen an inherent part of one’s relationship and the immense number of ace people who experience internalized aphobia, theres a higher chance of ace people being pressurized into lying about not being ace and being made to go through treatment of HSDD .

2. The asexuality exception is not included in the diagnostic criteria, but a different part of the text. The desk reference version, which is the smaller version most psychiatrists will use because the actual DSM is a monster of a book, only contains the diagnostic criteria. So, unless a doctor is very familiar with the update DSM, you could still be diagnosed despite identifying as asexual. (X)

3.The DSM is put out by the APA, an American organization and is not used internationally in ALL countries.The international appx. equivalent to the DSM is the ICD (International Classification of Diseases) where an exception of asexuality is NOT made like they did in DSM-V. So many countries where DSM-V is not followed are free to diagnose ace people with almost no repercussions.

4.There is till NO distinction made between HSDD and asexuality and all indicators of asexuality are still considered “symptoms” of HSDD. the DSM does no work to sufficiently differentiate between these “sexual disorders” and a sexual identity. so it could very well happen that someone who doesn’t know that they’re asexual is convinced by a therapist that they have a sexual abnormality that needs to be corrected(x) Just putting “All these signs are of HSDD unless a person identifies as asexual” is literally the same as saying “Being attracted to the same gender and/or being attracted to more than two genders is a disorder unless a person identifies as gay/bi”.In fact a very very similar thing was done to homosexuality in the DSM before homosexuality was deleted off entirely as a disorder.

5.Im not even gonna get into the fact that alot of people have pointed out how  the big push to keep HSDD in the DSM came from the pharmaceutical companies who need this diagnosis to exist so thatthey can market a drug called Flibanserin and both of these thingshave been called out by both ace as well as non ace feminists bc studies showed it improved very little in terms of sexual satisfaction in its participants and has potentially big risks(x) and  MANY women disinterested in sex(weather ace or not) were pressurized to undergo treatment of HSDD and use flibanserin bc of the misogynist belief that women need to put out more than care about their safety white taking it bc thats not the point of this post.

But just for yalls consideration : Just bc there is a disorder in the DSM doesnt mean that its legit.Female hysteria,homosexuality were considered disorders.As an amazing post here said : “until psychology stops operating in terms of “inappropriate behavior” and starts looking at patients’ experiences of symptoms as stressful and unpleasant, it will be an enforcement of ableism first and an aid to the mentally ill last.”  . Unless someone goes through some trauma which make them LOSE their capability to feel sexual attraction and desire,i’ll consider any “disorder” which automatically assumes lack of sexual attraction and desire “unnatural”, as doubtful .

So  yeah , asexuality still technically remains pathologized and ace people still are at a risk of being diagnosed and being forced/pressurized to undergo treatments which arent usually even that effective and have health risks associated with them.On to the next topic :

2.Can ace people call the trauma and abuse they went through  when people tried to “convert ace people back to normalcy” and “fix” their asexuality  “conversion therapy”?

First off, Read THIS And THIS. Now,

Short answer,Yes. Maybe they might not be under the threat of going through the EXACT conversion therapy which involves basically torture and is legal in like 36/41 states IN AMERICA but then again, so arent those gay people who didnt/dont/wont be living/going to those 36/41 states IN AMERICA but have/are/will be  tried to be “converted back to” straightness by their peers.Any way in which non straight people are forced/pressurized to be converted into straight by so called “professionals” and “medical experts” counts as conversion therapy to me bc at the end of the day it doesnt really matter WHAT word you define it as when those trying to “fix” non straight people’s non straightness view those non straight people as someone who needs “fixing”.

Also, saying that ace people’s experience when their peers were trying to “fix” their asexuality isnt AS bad as what gay people go through when their gayness is tried to be “fixed” is…not a good thing to say.Trauma isnt a competition.Telling a person with a sprained leg that another person has a  fractured leg doesnt make the first person’s sprained leg hurt any less

Heres the long answer :

Here is the thing.The most “well known”  conversion therapy(and in aphobes’ case,the conversion therapy they keep bringing up to discourage ace people from calling their trauma involving attempts to fix them “conversion therapy” ) is the one which is legal in 36 or 41(The data keeps differing from diff sources) states in AMERICA ONLY and basically involves showing homoerotic images and videos to gay/bi people and inflicting some sort of violence/harm on them when them and/or their mind and/or their body shows any sort of interest on such images till they form an aversion to same gender attraction and other forms of torture.I described it as PG rated as possible but if anyone is interested and is NOT at the risk of being triggered they can read the whole process here(x).

Aphobes keep arguing that since no clinic advertises that they will “convert ace people back to normalcy” ,and even IF some ace person IS forced to undergo treatment of HSDD ,their experience doesnt matches the EXACT amount of abuse and trauma gay people go through during conversion therapy, aces arent “allowed” to call their experiences “conversion therapy”.Now , anyone with common sense and general morality will realize how bullshit this is bc aphobes are just putting their american centric rhetorics over ALL aces in THIS WORLD(bc they are ALWAYS considering the american conversion therapy)but i’ll still just prove how WRONG this argument is :

1.This argument is only AMERICA CENTRIC.Aphobes keep saying that since ace people dont go through the exact conversion therapy which is legal in 36/41 states in america,they cant call it “conversion therapy”.Now america is only one country.There are 193 countries in this world.The “valid”Conversion therapy is only there in america.But HOMOPHOBIA is there in ALL countries of this world.Now, If we consider aphobes’ argument as legit, then it would imply that any gay person who suffered through the trauma and abuse of having their identity turned into “straight” by their peers in any country OTHER THAN AMERICA CANNOT call their experiences “Conversion therapy”.That means all the gay people who faced torture in russia (especially in Chechnya)to be “fixed” cannot call their experiences “conversion therapy”.Gay people in Brazil and Jamaica who are tried to be “fixed” cannot call their experiences conversion therapy.I live in south asia,we dont even HAVE any special places dedicated to “convert” gay people.But there are many instances where gay people are hauled to the nearest “religious medical practitioners” who abuse and torture them for WEEKS to “cure” them.I guess those gay people cant even call their experiences “conversion therapy”.THIS IS HOW RIDICULOUS APHOBES SOUND.

2.Not every ace conversion therapy is caused by going through the treatment of HSDD : There are many ace people who have been told that it was their asexuality ITSELF that was a disorder and went through abusive therapies to “cure” it which led to some people ending up self-isolating until they ended up in a psych hospital and some people felt broken and alone after that(x).Many health professionals simply pass off asexuality as some  symptomatic of deeper mental health problem and thus not every ace who might have been tried to be “converted back to normalcy” might have been gone through quite a rough treatment too.

3.Telling people that their trauma isnt “”really that bad”” isnt a good thing.Telling them that their trauma  dosent really “”qualify”” enough to be considered “”real”” conversion therapy isnt good.Oppression and traumas arent a competition.The abuse and torture gay people go through during conversion therapy isnt gonna make the trauma ace people go through “better” or less severe.Telling women that “at least they arent being human trafficked and beaten by their husbands everyday like in middle east” isnt gonna make them feel better when they are catcalled or sexually harassed at work.If ace people are tried to be “”fixed”” by being forced/pressurized undergo “” treatments”” by so called “professionals” and “medical experts” , it counts as conversion therapy to me bc at the end of the day, ace people’s orientation is still being seen as “something to be fixed into straightness”.

So yeah, ace people CAN call all the abuse they go through to be “fixed” of their asexuality “conversion therapy”.Now that we are done, here are a few examples of ace people talking about their fears and/or experiences about conversion therapy which i havent provided already

If you really want to respect lgbtqa people who have gone through conversion therapy,try to make this world a better place for lgbtqa people so that their identity isnt seen as something to be fixed.Telling group of people you are bigoted against that they cant call their experiences of tried to be fixed “conversion therapy” isnt gonna do SHIT to help the community you think you are trying to protect.Saying that No ace person has EVER went to conversion therapy bc there are “valid proofs” is disgusting.

Asexuality IS a highly marginalized orientation and all your refutes against it WILL be debunked and shot down bc we have sources and real people’s accounts on our sides which is supported by many prominent lgbtqa organizations across the world.All aphobes have is bigotry and a bunch of followers who eat up whatever they say without applying any critical thinking skills to it.

[paralysis-comic]

yourocsbackstory week 3: education

@yourocsbackstory || [read on wattpad]

so this ones kinda long huh. tw for ableism, self injurious behaviour, just a lot of crying

But Not Too Familiar (Baby Blues: Interlude)

September 2009

The word school has been fucking you up for a while now. Mum says that’s just how school is. Dad says she’s wrong.

He came into your horrible little room one evening and said he was very sorry for not being a good dad, that he’d promised your previous dad to do a better job, that he would show that bastard Atticus, that he’d get you through school no matter what, all of it, right up to uni. You didn’t really know what uni was.

John said school is designed to make you think you’re meant to be learning French and Geography and stuff, when they’re really sorting you into popular, unpopular or medium. The medium ones, he said, make the best adults. He said occasionally, you get these edge cases—kids who have so many friends that they can’t imagine anyone not liking them, and the ones who don’t have any so no one bothers trying to find them some—those, he said, never last. He wrote all this out on a piece of A5 paper in his own horrible little room, while writing at your mutual parents about things that nine-year-olds don’t concern themselves with.

He also told you not to bother with uni.

•

And he says it again as he pauses outside the gates.

You look around. Ysgol Blodeuwedd Tudur—or Blodeuwedd Tudor Primary School And Nursery, as it says underneath—is bigger and shinier than you imagined. John’s staring at it too. Mum sort of shepherds you both through (is it shepherding if you’re both willing to go? And if theres only two of you?). You can’t see her face from where you are, but she sounds weird, both crosser and gentler. You stop for a second and turn around. She’s got her hand on John’s shoulder and keeps glancing at the other mums.

You’re not yet sure who you’re supposed to know and who you’re not. Maybe the girls who just came out from amongst them and are hugging you. They have nice vibes, rather than the ok and oh no vibes that everyone else has. According to their book bags, they are Cerys Thomas and Louise Yang. They are decent.

The sound of tiny little footsteps brings your attention away from them. You look up to see a stocky, curly haired boy sort of skid to a halt beside you. He raises his arms to wrap them around your neck, then stops.

“Do you remember me?”

You look down. You do remember Diane. Kind of. You don’t remember his middle name, his birthday or his favourite colour, but still…

“I remember you’re my best friend.”

He goes blank for a second, then he hugs you harder then you’ve ever been hugged in your life this year.

“We missed you SO MUCH Mrs Davies was being REALLY MEAN they haven’t changed the REGISTER yet and we thought you moved SCHOOLS—“

“Son, we don’t talk about that in public. And why don’t you let go of Iffy, you’re wobbling her crutches.”

He rearranges his arms into a position more accommodating to your unipedality.

You’re having a hard time thinking; partly from the dread-induced skeletal inertia and enteral pain, partly because there are at least five conversations going on around you (four spoken, one written). John holds this morning’s piece of paper in your direction.

she thinks letting me stay over therell make her look like a bad mother

any idea why she touched me like that? almost rather her wheeling me herself

You read it a few times (sometimes his handwriting is too neat) and shrug. You can’t talk in front of all these people and, well, you can’t write in front of anyone. Before you can dwell on how you’re gonna get through Year 5 if you can’t write, he pulls you over to the patch of concrete by the main doors. Mum hurries after you. She tells him off very quietly while you steal his headphones. He says you used to do that every day before he moved to London. You’re not sure about his taste in music.

•

In Year 1, no one was sure whether you were Iphigenia St. David or Iphigenia Richard or Iphigenia Henderson, so they put you at the top of the register. In Year 5, that means you sit right by the door, on a table with Stacey Ashton, Calum Beddoes, Dai Borgstein and Tonya Bufton. It’s the only table here with 5 seats instead of 4.

And it’s right by Mrs Davies’s desk.

She’s doing the register silently, so no one has to say why Gellert and Harvey and Suzie and Hector aren’t here. Sometimes she looks up sharply at you and raises her eyebrows in a way that says you should be focusing on doing your mental maths. Occasionally she says, “Do you want anything?” in a way that says you shouldn’t be wanting anything at all, no, not you, the girl who could walk and talk and write just fine in Year 4, what makes my class any different, Gina?

But the paper in front of you is evading you right now. Actually, no, it’s not the paper, it’s the white noise of 23 nine-year-olds (and Stacey) not quite whispering, it’s Mrs Davies clickiticlackiting on word or whatever, it’s stacey asking you if you need any help in that loud, over-enunciated way that girls whose birthdays are in September have, it’s the girls on the next table gossiping with Tonya, it’s Tonya turning to look at you and looking back at them and laughing, it’s Calum asking you why you can call Dai Diane and he can’t, it’s everyone calling you Gina, it’s not remembering what your name is meant to be, it’s everything else in your head that’s not letting the mental maths in, it’s everyone telling you things that apparently happened, things that you did, horrible things, things that will keep you up at night for years, it’s Calum snapping his pencil because he knows it makes you cry, it’s the feeling like you’re falling, and you might well be, who gives a f—

It’s Mrs Davies clicking her fingers in front of your face.

Everyone’s staring at you. You don’t move. You don’t say anything.

You can’t.

“Well?”

You don’t answer. Partly because no, you’re not well, anyone can see that, but mostly because… you have no idea what she’s asked of you.

“You know what perimeter is, Gina. D’you want to tell me?”

OK, sure, yeah, you know what a perimeter is. You know how to spell it, you know how to work it out, you know the relationship between it and area (John told you), you—

Maybe you don’t know what perimeter is.

And that’s not the voice she uses with Stacey. Or Tonya. Or anyone else. That’s not even the voice she used in assembly, when all the Key Stage 1 kids were there. That’s the voice that…

Fuck.

“No. Don’t.”

You try and let the sound of your breathing take over the giggling and the eyes upon you, and it kind of works because you’re breathing so loudly. Every muscle in your body is tensed to stop you rocking back and forth.

Or worse.

“Look at me.”

Huh? No. No, you’re not doing that.

“Gina.”

And that’s not your name. You don’t have a name anymore.

Something happens right by your ear, but you can’t identify it amongst everything else. Your eyes squinch shut and for a moment you can see her leaning over you.

You go cold.

You whimper slightly, pulling away, expecting your head to hit metal but theres nothing there. No, god, don’t fall, don’t-

You’re jerked forward, upright. You open your eyes to make sure you’re definitely in the classroom. There’s a voice to your right.

“Mr Lloyd never did that.”

“Well, I’m not Mr Lloyd.”

The hand around your left bicep moves to raise your head.

“Look at me.”

Your head comes up, and you look at her.

And now you are screaming.

“No. we don’t do that.”

You wrench your head to the right to look at Diane, but you can’t look at him, so you stare at the wall like you’re looking for something very specific on the Roald Dahl poster. The wall is too white and too far away. It hurts like hell.

Diane moves somewhat into view. He’s a bit close, bless him, but the blurry shape of his face and hair are easier on your healing eye.

He looks up at Mrs Davies (still shouting, but you’re trying to block her out) and moves away with a start. You can see his expression more clearly now; he’s worried, really worried, but you can’t work out why exactly. No one else seems to be.

After a moment of dithering, he gingerly takes hold of Mrs Davies’s left hand and prises her index finger off you. Something moves in your peripheral vision and you instinctively look back at her. She snatches away her hand, gouging her fingers into your flimsy little arm, feeling the bone. The force almost launches you at Calum. She lunges at Diane with what can only be described as teacherly incredulity.

“Uh-“

That noise. It’s familiar, but you can’t place it. It reminds you of the noise your dad makes when you start crying, but scary. Like she wants to collect more tears from you, not wipe them away. Well, you’re crying now. Is that what she wants?

“Dai?”

Some of the other kids do that fake-gasp-and-real-titter that kids are wont to do when someone’s properly getting what for. A few of them gasp for real, the ones in the quagmire between friend and stranger that bullies so often occupy, the ones that have forgotten that Diane isn’t his real name. Matthew Powell says they’ll do you for saying that to a pupil. Stacey asks if you’re alright again. You certainly don’t look alright—you’re shivering all over now and you’re not sure why. Diane starts crying as well.

Mrs Davies takes her hands off you and frowns at him.

“We don’t need that from you, Dai.”

All the tension from being grasped drains out of you and you flop down onto the table. You try to convince yourself that you’re somewhere else, but you don’t have enough memories of nice places yet. You’re having the same overwhelming sadness as you did when you first got home, but you’re too tired to cry now. Diane isn’t.

You want to comfort him, but Stacey is doing that already. She doesn’t look very good at it; he’s crying in a different way and he keeps reaching out to hold your hand. Mrs Davies says not to give you any attention.

You pretend there’s no one in the room except you and him.

He says your name. Maybe he wants you to look at his face again. You try, because you want him to know you’re alright, and then maybe he’ll be alright too.

But god, you can’t. You just can’t.

He raises his hand again, and Stacey grabs it back.

“No,” she says.

You go cold again.

For fuck’s sake.

•

Mrs Davies sits down at her desk and tells everyone to be quiet and do their work and to Not Give You Any Attention. Even Stacey. Even when you’re making all this noise. And, for the first time today, you remember why you are.

And you don’t fucking like it.

Diane nudges you and gestures to his worksheet. The old John Fairfax manoeuvre.

do you want me to tell her ?

You nod. He wipes the tears of his face and puts his hand up. How does he compose himself so fast?

A few minutes later, you look out the window to the hall. You’re still crying and shivering, so Stacey tries to pull you back down. Diane and Mrs Davies are heading towards reception. A thought occurs to you. Calum grabs one of your crutches and you fall against the bookcase. Mrs Davies turns around, sees you and starts shrieking at you for some reason. You look at Diane and gesture to the Year 1 class as much as you can with no free hands. He gets it.

When Mrs Davies gets to you, she runs her hands down her face, makes a frustrated noise, and drags you out into the hall. You drop your crutches. She makes you sit down (you can’t get back up on your own), puts your worksheet in your left hand (you don’t have a thumb on that hand) and your pencil in your right hand (you’re left handed). She goes back into the classroom. She throws your crutches in your general direction. She slams the door. Fuck, it’s really gonna be like this every day, isn’t it?

You’re really crying now. Your throat has been hurting for quite a while. When you were in the classroom, it hurt to swallow, and now you can’t even feel yourself swallowing. Especially with your prosthetic tongue. and you’re tired as fuck.

You wait for Nesta to come out of Class 1, or at least for Diane to come back. Anyone. There’s a clock at the far end of the hall, but its too far away to see. Whatever. Time is a mystery to you anyway.

All this fear is making you feel like you’re about to both hurl and shit yourself—and to be honest, you wouldn’t really care if you did. You look down at yourself. At your hands. For a second, you swear you’re in hospital again. You emit a blood curdling scream and throw yourself to the side like you normally do, but instead of a mattress or a rail or thin air, there’s just floor.

You see legs.

Nesta says a long something to Diane while you continue to scream, and he starts to go inside. He pauses and turns around. Nesta takes out her notebook, scribbles some stuff down and gives it to him. Hey, you recognise that notebook. While he’s gone, you start to really miss him. You snuggle up to him when he comes back. You stay like that while Nesta goes to reception. You calm down a bit. Mrs jones comes out with her and stalks over to you, telling you to get up. She shuts up when she notices your missing leg and the bruise on your face. She says she doesn’t think you’ve got a concussion, but she’s not sure. Nesta says your dad’s coming to pick you up.

You don’t think school is meant to be like this.

[journaloftomfooleryandjapery]

All the TOP 10 OF THE DECADE posts made me want to make one of my own, so here’s my 10 fave games this decade:

Yakuza 0  Shovel Knight  Nier Automata  Metal Gear Rising  Gunvolt Chronicles Luminous Avenger IX Final Fantasy XV   Scott pilgrim vs the world the game Undertale Persona 5  Doom

Danganronpa 2, New Vegas, Touhou Luna Nights, Katana Zero and Mario Odyssey all only barely missed out, and it was a tough decision not to include them. I loved the shit out of those games but thinking it through I decided they were just slightly less loved by me than the above.

Below the cut are some extended thoughts (of varying length) on the games included:

Just CTRL F if you wanna find a specific one

Yakuza 0

Every Yakuza game is delightful and this is definitely the best one, in my opinion. The Yakuza games appeal to me for a lot of reasons: the combat, the story, the variety of activities, the look of it all and the music. I feel like its a very unique game experience with its blend of weird in-depth side activities, serious crime drama, manly man masculine combat friendship melodrama, metal gear-esque convoluted conspiracies and a surprisingly compassionate view of the world it takes place in. 

The combat is what drew me in initially because it just feels good, the feedback of stomping on a dudes face in yakuza is delivered perfectly, and the attacks are brutal, hard and flashy. Its a very solid and satisfying combat system and in 0 its the best it has ever been. The ability to switch between 3 different and equally fun fighting styles on the fly really lets you mix things up and adapt your approach, every style feels fun and useful. If i had to pick a favorite it would be slugger, but its a tough choice, and they are all very viable and FUN.

Yakuza 0 also gets big points for having the best story in the series. The protagonists feel much more interesting in this era, the fights feel more earned in this game than others, the relationships are incredibly touching (I’m almost mad majima didnt stay with makoto) and the substories (and some parts of the main story) are the funniest they’ve ever been. Stuff like the quasi-stealth mission where you have to make sure women don’t see you buying a porn magazine for a child, and the extended scene of kiryu trying to guess the right business manners for a meeting had me laughing so much i was i was almost in physical pain.

The extensive business and host club substories get you tons of extra game content and are good enough to almost be there own game. The other games in the series have extended side activites of varying quality, but i think 0 had a rare case of all of these being, basically, perfect. The team obviously agrees since host club management came back repeatedly, but never as good as it was here.

Being set in the 80s elevates almost everything in the game because of the outfits, money flying out of every enemy you attack, the classic sega games you can play at the arcade (Outrun is so much fun and I’d have never have given it a proper go otherwise) and the disco minigame everyones made a meme out of (that music is so catchy).

As a final note this game has the best boss fights and music in the series, which is a very high standard to surpass when you look at the rest of the series. The dual final boss fights, the recurring boss for kiryu and almost every majima fight are highlights of the entire series for me. 

0 is going to end up being one of the few games I’ll never sell my copy of because i want it available for me to play forever, its a complete delight.

Shovel Knight

This game has been analysed to hell and back, so i wont have much original to say i suppose. Admittedly i did enjoy the first campaign but it didnt completely win me over, plague knights campaign and beyond was what really made this an all time greats for me. It’s one of very few games that gets the NES+SNES platforming appeal 100% right and essentially surpasses most games of the day, with almost perfect pacing, challenge and level design. IT helps that the whole world and story and look is charming as all hell. It’s an easy game to love and the more you play it the more that feels justified. Being PACKED with great content is also a plus. If you liked the first campaign you can just keep going through a set of campaigns about as good that only really rehash some level assets. I would say its one of the best 2D platformers ever for me, if not quite my true number 1.

ALSO JAKE KAUFMAN KNOCKS IT OUT THE PARK WITH THIS SOUNDTRACK

Since i have little else to add to the shovel knight discussion, here’s my ranking/thoughts on each campaign

Plague of shadows. BEST storyline, great levels with a really cool gameplay gimmick, the characters are all cute and the ending really makes me feel for him. both sorry for him at first and then a very real AAAAAAAWWWWWWWWW for LOVE

King of cards. king knight is just fun as hell to play as, he doesnt have that many tools but his movement is just crazy fun and i love the flair in all his animations. also has that rad final boss. joustus is ok i guess.

Shovel of hope. uuuuuuh what can i even say about this. its good, and the melancholy dream bits add a lot to the mood of the story. we’ve already analysed this campaign within an inch of its life i dont think i can say anything new. wish we could fight the battletoads on pc.

Specter of torment. still fun and i appreciate the tone change, but i didnt care as much for the characters and the mega man-esque level select doesnt suit shovel knight imo. specter knight has a lot of fun movement options though. mainly i just love GRINDING and the diagonal slash. i dont give a fuck about reize

Nier Automata

I feel a tiny bit ashamed i have so little to say about this considering it is one of the most emotional experiences i have ever had with a story. If i lsten to the final version of weight of the world i still cry just from remembering this game and how it made me feel. i think its one of the greatest narratives of the century but i can barely get across the appeal to anyone who hasnt already played it. its a story about hope, despair and the nature of the human race that never feels like its preachy or pretensious or taking on more than it can handle. it made me feel all kinds of emotions deeply and intensely, it genuinely made me burst into tears about 10 times, maybe more. even putting aside the ggrand narrative, theres so many cool character moments and bits of world building and visual eements and tragic little side stories that you would need a whole book to talk about them all while doing any real justice to them. i loved it so much that im paying £70 to see an orchestra do the soundtrack live. I want to hug and kiss 2b and 9s better. i just love it deeply and i find it hard to explain why it makes me feel that way, but its a dark beautiful and hopeful story where every moment feels earned. the despair of the story giving way to genuine hope with the rest of the world helping you fight for it is such an intensely emotional moment that you could never replicate outside of this kind of story and medium. how the fuck do i explain that to anyone that doesnt already get it. I’m glad this game exists

Metal Gear Rising 

Well, complete tone shift here. Platinum made a lot of great action games in the last decade that all dig into that same itch for DODGE SLOW MOTION BANG BANG BANG alongside great soundtracks, visuals and awesome set piece moments. Just intense, flashy, awesome combat. Picking a favorite of the decade was the hard part, because a platinum game had to be one of my faves of the decade. The closest was transformers, but mgr has a couple of things about it that put it above the rest of the platinum catalog for me.

The story actually works very well at still being metal gear while in the platinum formula, its about the cycle of violence and FINDING YOUR OWN PURPOSE and it works weirdly well. The strangest part is that it feels like a legitimate sequel to metal gear 4 tonally while still being the crazy action game it is

Raiden is just super fun to play as, while I’ll always miss the DODGE SLOWMO in a platinum game parry and zandatsu give a great flow to fights and there’s real exhilaration to parrying a hard chain of attacks and tearing out a bunch of enemies spines at once every time

raiden is also just  a fun protag, it truly allows me to embrace that kind of stereotypical edgy cool anime swordsman he embodies

BEST PLATINUM SOUNDTRACK DO NOT @ ME

Bosses just rule

one of the best final bosses ever, in my opinion? maybe that’s controversial, but armstrong gets an insane amount of characterization and pure PRESENCE out of such a small amount of screen time and the fact he feels like such a perfect rival to raiden so quickly is kind of nuts to me. within about half an hour you are ready for the ultimate final showdown with everything at stake, and then the gameplay 100% delivers on that with a fight that is challenging as hell and just feels climatic and intimidating. its a little thing, but having this dude just smack you around with his hands and almost no fighting skill after a game filled with crazy flippy cyborg ninjas makes him feel TOUGH and the way you finish him off? it just rocks, plain and simple. I don’t think i need to justify slices a massive dudes chest open and ripping out his giant still beating robot heart as the music climaxes and our cool edgy protag literally says WE’RE DONE HERE. truly, it has to be this way.

Gunvolt Chronicles Luminous Avenger IX 

For fast twitchy 2d platformers this barely beat out Katana Zero and Touhou Luna Nights, but i think its just a little better. The skill ceiling on this game is high as hell and once you really get to grips with it, its an experience you cant find anywhere else. its just satisfying as hell to be able to get through the point where you can ZOOM  through these levels by making use of copen’s dash and lock-on and weapons well enough. once you get good enough to get through a hole level without touching the ground, you just cant go back. I liked this enough to get an S rank on almost every level. this game just rules, man.

story, art and music are all great as well. but they pale in importance next to zippy jetpack zoom zoom fun time.

also great for having a cool twist that i genuinely did not see coming at all

Final Fantasy XV   

For context, my experience of FFXV was not the base game so i cannot personally address the concerns of the version at launch, which i hear from others was a total mess! The game has been updated and changed so much that it is probably almost unrecognizable aside from the absolute base aspects of it. The version i am talking about is, as far as we know, the “final” version released right before Episode Ardyn. There was of course an update after this, but it only added DLC compatibility and a few items, so it means very little in the grand scheme. I also played all of the dlc and watched all the periphery material to get the full, messy disjointed experience. it is also worth noting that the only other FF game i have played is the classic title Mario Hoops 3 on 3 Basketball. I feel it important to tell you this before getting into things so that you can have a full idea of the perspective i come at the game from.

This was chosen over Mario Odyssey and someone will probably kill me for that. I just think its a great emotional story that does a fantastic job of making you care for all the characters, and the world feels massive and full of cool stuff to see. It’s my favorite open world game and i love The Boys.  its not the kind of thing i usually play but i think it genuinely had a great story and its a very fun game to just explore and spend time in. ffxv truly understands the emotional bond between The Lads and it is fun to kill big monsters with your party

(they kinda ruin the last cutscene in english, in japanese he says I LOVE YOU GUYS and it makes me cry but in english he goes U GUYS ARE THE BEST which just isnt the same. a small nitpick though. a lot of this game made me cry regardless, its just great at creating an emotional bond)

I admire the insane level of ambition in the visuals and scope, and i bought every dlc for it because it was just that good. the ifrit boss fight and all the giant monsters are just amazingly epic in scale. the “found a cool rock” post is what i truly admire about this game summed up. 

all the ancillary material for the game is great and worth getting into, with the exception of the Comrades multiplayer expansion. Everything else adds depth to the story and the world without being entirely necessary for you to get through the story. the anime and the dlc all really feel worth getting into without being something you have to see to get The Full Experience

the giant monsters are cool

Scott Pilgrim vs the World: The Game

Being from 2010 this game only just makes it in, but it was my favorite beat em up this decade and a source of great nostalgia for me. It had a pretty big impact on music and art tastes in regards to games, and in retrospect this games existence was very much a dream team scenario. Paul Robertson is a great sprite artist who does a lot of good work, Anamanaguchi have gone on to become one of my favorite bands (another winter is still one of their best tracks imo) and at the time this came out i was obsessed with scott pilgrim. That plus the beat em up gameplay makes this kind of a perfect blending of a lot of my specific tastes. Playing this brings me back to the time in my school life that i played it very distinctly, a more comfortable time in my life for sure, and i think the game still stands up excellently. I hope that someday it will get a rerelease so others can enjoy it. I give this another play through every year or so, but i wish id gotten the dlc while it was still available

Doom

ITS VIOLENT ITS FAST ITS FUN ITS METAL

i like this game because of the intense adrenaline rush and violent catharsis it gives me, essentially a constant dopamine rush

fun game good

Undertale

I’m glad i got to this before the massive wave of spoilers and popularity came about. It’s a great story with some fun gameplay, and i think SANS UNDERTALE was one of the best boss fights this decade. Its a shame that for so many new players this experience is going to be ruined by spoilers

Persona 5 

Danganronpa 2 and fallout new vegas were close contenders for this last spot. I actually made a post about my thoughts on this game before https://journaloftomfooleryandjapery.tumblr.com/post/184341270554/nue-is-great-love-his-goofy-design-when-life-will but essentially 

Essentially, its got a great cast of characters, a cool slick look, great monster designs, a fun gameplay loop of collecting monsters and grinding stats while waiting for the next big event, and a surprisingly good story

No idea if royal is any good, but its on a pretty small list of games that i might actually take the time to replay

[sangriatimes]

Nintendo Switch saves Valentines Day

Can you believe that we are almost half-way done with January? Maybe it’s just me and the countless hours I put into reviewing the latest titles for the Nintendo Switch...which is our focus point that can change the tide if you hit a hard spot this V-Day. Maybe you don’t have enough money for that dinner, movie and gift. Maybe you thought that restaurant you made a reservation at is more expensive than you though. Maybe you just started a new relationship but you still have some awkward silences that seem to kill the mood. Whatever the situation may be a Nintendo Switch can get you to second base and home plate...trust me.

So let’s look at some of the titles for switch that are great to play with that special someone. (Games are listed in no particular order; games are not based on “)sales”; Games are mainly hidden gems)

1. Monopoly | 9.5 out of 10

Hear me out. I was one that grew up playing the original board game with my family and the overall appeal of the game was astounding, but I lost interest when I got older and noticed how long it takes to make everyone go bankrupt. ...but this is something...otherworldly. The first awesome thing you will notice when you pick up this title is the use of the Joy-Con controllers to shake the dice and throw them. Though this is still the same mechanic in spirit as its predecessor but with the newly animated boards populated by Mii’s and watching a living city grow as you play and add properties adds an entirely new respect for Money Bags. Our team lost track of time having so much fun with this one and before we knew it, we had seen 5 hours pass. (No one wants to play Monopoly for that long.) 

2. Uno | 8.5 out of 10

Uno is another one of those games I grew up playing with family. When I purchased the game, I was expecting some sort of controller mechanic similar to Monopoly’s dice...but with cards instead...but I was let down. None the less, going into this, I didn’t even know that there were so many ways to play Uno besides the normal rules. Once again, I was amazed at how much more fun this was than the physical cards themselves. Rules like “Stacking. Where Player 1 can play a “Blue Draw 2″ card and Player 2 can counter play a “Draw 2″ card as well. ...but if Player 3 doesn’t possess a “Draw 2″ card, Player 3 then has to pick all 4 cards from the previous turns” was so exciting to try and there are many other ways to customize rules and play styles. 

3. Super Smash Bros | 9.0 out of 10

I really don’t need to go into detail about this one. My only issue with the Smash series is I would really enjoy a multiplayer adventure mode or campaign. I was quite pleased with the full roster of characters though. Disclaimer: Make sure your partner isn’t a sore loser. We all know about SSB’s steep learning curve for beginners. “Don’t be a butt...”

4. Diablo 3 | 9.0 out of 10

I remember having this title on my old PS4 and being able to enjoy it on my PS Vita while I was in a relationship with someone who liked the game as much as I and we would both take our Vita’s to the restroom with us so we could keep the experience going. This title can definitely be used to understand the mindset your partner has by the way they customize their character and the actions they take in response to events. It’s a top-down action-adventure-role-playing-hack-n-slash (inhale.) It is a port of it’s original released on PS3 & 360...the price tag is still $59.99. That’s a deal breaker in my book.

5. NES Emulator | 7.5 out of 10

I honestly chose this one because of how many gamers I know and how 89% of them are males. This is something for those who don’t game to get their feet wet. The emulator is free on the eShop for a 7-day trial but comes with a subscription cost after. Pretty inexpensive for the titles they have. Legend of Zelda, Super Mario Bros, Metroid, and many more. It even comes with special versions of some of the games which gives the player the experience of playing with Game Genie cheats.

6. 99 Vidas | 7.0 out of 10

Your probably thinking, “ Why is this even listed?” Well, just in case that partner your with doesn’t dig the 8-bit look or the low-res adventures of the NES Emulator and desires a little more action and has a fetish for Streets of Rage and Beat ‘em Up’s. Simply. The available characters are cool enough to get players to find a favorite out of them. ...so...that’s good!

7. Oh Sir...The Hollywood Roast | 8.3 out of 10

After seeing the Samuel Jackson clone named “Bad MotherHugger” who’s personality is totally canon, I had to dig deeper. If you didn’t play the prequel, you don’t need to. I honestly only used the first title to learn how to play. In this installment, you and a co-star face off on a movie set where your scenario is to insult the other the worst. It plays like a fighting game, complete with health bars, special insults, tag team insults and so much more. For the price it is, I was expecting something way less entertaining. Oh, and one point or another you will joke against a Deadpool copy...a less funnier Deadpool but funny enough.

Consider this the American version of The Office.

8. Oh Sir...The Insult Simulator | 7.8 out of 10

Obviously, this is the European version of The Office. I won’t say this is better than the sequel and I can’t say it’s worse either but I will say “I am an American...” What this game does is teach you how to layer your jokes and how lay the foundation for repetition in your topics to create combo’ s. I like to let the opponent bombard me with little weak jokes and build a super mean and super long insult that grants victory for only one joke. I call it, “The Kamehameha Effect!”

9. No More Heroes: Travis Strikes Back

The third installment to the series hits the eShop and retailers in a few days and I am super excited to get my copy. If you aren’t familiar with the series, let me fill you in:

Travis Touchdown is the protagonist of all three games. In NMH1 we find Travis at his lowest moment in life. Jobless, hopeless and drunk, he runs into a mysterious woman who offers him employment with a sketchy syndicate group he knows nothing about. Luckily he had lost all his money by winning a bid at an online auction for a Beam Katana,  his main choice of weaponry. Not long after, you find out you were hired as an assassin in a shady game by her higher-ups. Travis takes the job after being promised some passionate TLC if he can take out all 10 of the already top ranking assassins all over the world. Travis is a pretty simple guy. He likes mecha anime, luchador wrestling, old school video games, porn, sex, and sleeping on the toilet.

In NMH2, Travis finds out that after becoming the #1 ranking assassin in Santa Cruise, he finds out that he actually has hundreds of more assassins in a new ranking system where Travis is the lowest ranking.

This time around, Travis is joined by the father of one the assassins he killed in NMH1, and the co-op option is something that would have been outstanding to have in NMH2 but none the less the developers always deliver great content in their titles and this one will not disappoint. Couples will enjoy the kinky nature of the series for sure. It has been proven many times.

10. Broforce | 9.5 out of 10

Every wanted to play Super Mario Bros on NES but with guns? Ever want to change Mario for, let’s say...any huge action movie star from the 80′s, 90′s, 00′s? Ever wanted it to be a co-op experience with up to 4 players with local and online co-op? As a mercenary for the USA, you are sent to 3rd world contries to liberate them from the evil control of Satan and his hell spawn. Before that, you will have to fight through waves of kamikaze soldiers, war dogs, giant helicoptors, aliens (...from the movie “Aliens”) and much more. Along the way, you will recruit an entire cast of badasses. From Rambo to Robocop, you will find Chuck Norris, Neo, Blade, Bruce Willis, Terminator, Preditor, Machette, Michelle Rodrigez, The Bride (Kill Bill) & so many more including Mortal Kombats Raiden.

Very easy to pick up, very hard to put down.

11. Nidhogg 2 | 8.0 out of 10

2D-Side Scrolling Fighter. You start of with a sword. When you die, you respawn with a dagger. When you die, you respawn with a bow and arrow. Die again and respawn with an ax. Die again and respawn with your fist. This cycle will continue until you our your opponent makes it to the opposing end of the map. Maps are relatively small and consist of about 2 to 3 different frames. Sounds easy on paper right? 

Tons of laughs to be had!

12. Tales Of Vesperia

If your looking for an in-depth RPG you both can play while she sits between your legs and you both focus on the Switch screen laying in front of you: this is for you two. The co-op system usually only functions when you enter battle. Player 1 will always be the one running around the world map but this is still fine if you keep an open-mind and communicate on decisions that impact the story and more. (Keep track of your own money.)

side-note: All Tales games are co-op in this sense, even the Super Nintendo picks.

13. Harvest Moon: Light of Hope

I’ve been a Harvest Moon fan since Super Nintendo and got my first copy on the N64. I know a lot of people see this game and hate the thought of a farming simulator but unlike it’s counterpart with the same name-sake; Harvest Moon is so much more. This can easily tame the craving for an adventure-rpg-dating sim with a very rich story and characters that actually grow on you. I have not had the chance to play this particular version yet, but I saw it was multiplayer and that sold me. If you want to try a good yet cheaper version, Harvest Moon: Back to Nature is by far, one of the best, next to Harvest Moon 64.

So there you have it, our picks of love for your love to love with their love! Honestly...I don’ t celebrate Valentines Day (poly-gang), but I love exposing partners to new things that they can enjoy together.

OUT!

[chimswae]

Chapter 17

Foreword:

Some stories are better left unsaid.I couldn’t change anything for the world, although the fame part of this industry is tough to handle.Do i have a life? Yes I have my fans.Do i have friends? Yes the members that I cherish. Do i have love? No I have to let go.Life always offers you a second chance. It’s called tomorrow. But do i have any tomorrow?

Pairing: Jimin x OC (Other characters: BTS, OCs, Lee Taehwan)

Genre: Idolau, Fluff, Romance

Word Count: 2,810

Author Note: I crosspost this story from my Asianfanfic account. Mind you, clicheness OVERLOADS

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17

Chapter 17:  We will forever be your wings

“Why are you following me?” she inquired. Even though she’s scared of what awaits her, she had to get over this for the sake of her sanity. Her life was at stake at the moment.

 “We are right. You are Na Yeoul” a girl with bang smug. Her smile was disturbing and for so many reasons, Yeoul felt something was not right. The auras from these three were too dark, full with hatred and vengeance.

 “Wow you are even ugly in person” the other girl with slanted eyes spat rudely. It offended her of course.

Yeoul sighed deeply “Look, I am sorry. I don’t have time to entertain your childish remarks, I need to go. Excuse me” as she was about to walk pass them, one of the girls grabbed her arms harshly causing her to jolt in pain.

 “Let me go this instant. You are hurting me” she tried to tug her arms from her grip but it failed her.

 This girl with slanted eyes was quite strong, and giving her no time to digest, Yeoul was pinned against the wall with a loud thud. She groaned in pain as she could feel her back head hitting the hard wall behind her.

“You are ruining oppa’s life? WHY ARE YOU LYING ABOUT THE BOY! I AM SURE THAT IS NOT JIMIN OPPA’S SON!YOU WHORE” the girl who had been quiet this whole time finally spoke up. Her fiery eyes were full with hatred, Yeoul could feel her burning gaze on her.

 “Please let me go. I am sorry but that is the truth” Yeoul winced in pain as her grip got harder and harder. It would leave bruise for sure.

 “Wow look at how you talk. You even dare to carelessly claim that Jimin oppa is yours” the girl with bang might be petite but she was one of the scariest. Her eyes were taunting Yeoul. As Yeoul struggled to break free, one of the girls decided to help the slanted eyes girls to hold Yeoul down. Not using her hand or anything but her knees.

 She lifted her knees and pressed it against Yeoul stomach, digging it deep so Yeoul body would stay still against the cold wall. Yelping in pain, Yeoul felt hopeless. Tears formed in her eyes already rolled down shamelessly as she cried hoping for sympathy.

 “Cry baby. We wont let you ruin oppa’s life”

 “Leave him” the girl with bangs tugged Yeoul’s hair harshly to take a good look of her face.

 “Can you just go fuck yourself at the corner and stop whoring” she hissed.

 Yeoul clutched grocery bags in her hand tight gathering her thought and courage. She couldn’t appear weak in front of these girls. At first glance, they seemed like a real gangster but again they were just a bunch of immature high schooler who part time as sasaeng fans.

In 3,2, and 1 Yeoul swung the heavy bag contained her grocery to her left side hitting the girl with slanted eyes hard on her head, earning a loud groan from her. The girl let go Yeoul’s arm as she backed away regaining her balance with a deep jeer.

 Did she just piss her off and make things worse?

 Clueless Yeoul then went to grab random things inside her grocery bag and smacked the girl on her right with it. It worked. Girl with bangs rubbed her face covering her eyes feeling the pain sipping through her vein.

 ‘Thank you Zucchini’ she exclaimed excitedly in her mind.

 “Stay away from me, your Jimin oppa would hate to see you bullying me” Yeoul shrieked as she got away from the girls. Yeoul then sprinted as if her life depended on it.

 “YOU BITCH! GET HER!”

 “FUCK!”

 They started to chase after her with all their might hoping to reach Yeoul before she disappeared from their sight. It was the only time to make things right. To make Na Yeoul left Jimin. According to their so called philosophy, she did not deserve Jimin. No one owned Jimin but them.

 She then made a sharp turn to the corner out from the alley finally to find a place with human being. To witness the girls showed no sign of giving up, Yeoul set off ran faster now since she’s warmed up and away from street traffic. Her sole reason was to survive this shit.

 Running into people along the streets was almost unavoidable however this one stranger managed to hold her waist close to his body. She was panicking. Her mind was blackout until she heard the familiar voice calling for her name. It was Jimin.

 “Hey baby calm down calm down it is me” Jimin whispered.

 Her head perked up taking a good look at his masked face, and she burst into tears as she clung onto his shirt hard, burying her face deep in her chest. Yeoul could not believe it, in the midst of this chaos Jimin was still able to find her and rescued her from this mess.

 How she was grateful that he found her.

 “I am worried of you, god gracious. Thank god I found you” he embraced her tighter in his arm, kissing the top of her head lovingly.

 “THERE SHE IS” Jimin’s attention was back to the three figures approaching them with a fiery look in their eyes.

 He felt her body tensed in his embrace, as he arms wounded around her protectively “Who are you?” Jimin frowned disliking the fact that this sasaeng fans were harassing his girl.

 “ I am afraid you have something that is ours” one of the girls exclaimed arrogantly.

 Jimin snorted “I am sorry? Excuse me, I am afraid that this girl is never yours. She is mine” he stressed the last phrase accompanied with a deep growl. The three girls before her looked dumbfounded as they gasped in horror after Jimin pulled down his mask a little flashing his handsome face.

 “Jimin oppa?”

 “I am not your oppa. Listen, you better stay the hell away from my girl if you don’t want me to report you the cops. You are harassing her and I have all the rights to put the three of you in jail!” he shot the girls his infamous fiery glare.

 “What is so great about her. She is just awfully ugly!”

 “And a whore”

That was it. Jimin couldn’t take it anymore. This sasaeng fans would not make things easy didn’t they?

 “EXCUSE ME? WHO ARE YOU CALLING UGLY? YOU OUT OF ALL THE PEOPLE HAVE NO RIGHT TO JUDGE WHO I DATE AND LOVE. IF YOU REALLY ARE A FAN YOU WILL BE HAPPY THAT YOUR OPPA FINALLY FOUND SOMEONE THAT CAN MAKE HIM HAPPY. YOU THINK WE LIKE TO BE CONTROLLED LIKE A PUPPET BY A GROUP OF IMMATURE FANS LIKE YOU?” He shouted at the three girls whom seemed unbothered after all.

 The anger in him had reached its peak upon hearing a disgraceful statement from one of the girls “ We believe you are ours because without us you are nothing. We pay your salary, remember we are your important stockholders. So we own you” she smirked in victory, it disgusted Jimin.

 He never thought someone who called themselves as fans were this shallow. Jimin took out his phone and called the cops. The three girls before him shrunk in fear when they realized he was being dead serious about reporting them. Wasting no time, the girls had ran for their life maybe getting ready to flee from the country.

 Jimin hung up after lodging the brief report and slipped his phone in pocket “Baby… it is alright we are safe” he called out shaky Yeoul. He felt bad that she had to go through all this just because he’s an idol. It made no sense. He didn’t want anyone to suffer especially Yeoul, their relationship was supposed to be normal not toxic.

 -------------------

  “Mmm guys if your stare could kill, I am dead by now. Stop staring at me. I told you the nth time that I am okay” Yeoul blinked her eyes few times at the boys. For some for the last 30 minutes, these boys lead by Kim Seokjin were asking her all sort of question, checking on her and making things awkward.

 A deep voice replied reluctantly “ I don’t think you are okay. Did those girls bruise you?” Taehyung brows furrowed deeply. Today, he looked super pissy over little things as compared to his usual days. Oddly, it made him even more attractive. His good look might be one of the main factors contributing to this attractiveness.

 Giving Taehyung an alluring smile, Yeoul patted his head “I am alright Taetae. Stop worrying, it is not a big deal. Well it is kind of a big deal but I will make sure to not go out alone from now onwards” she giggled.

 “Glad you finally promise to do that” Jimin said bitterly.

 “You should have waited for us” the leader shook his head in disbelief. Naturally as a leader himself, he treated Yeoul like his own little sister. On side note, when it came to Yeoul, he would be the first one to flip out after Jimin. How thoughtful.

 “Aye aye leader-nim” she smiled widely with a salute.

 Jimin arose from his seat and gestured Yeoul to get up “Come on girl, you have to rest. No more questions guys, she might be smiling but I know she’s still shook inside” he inhaled his sharp breath.

 “Ooo Jungshook” Hoseok snickered.

 “I am Jungshook” she pretended to shudder and shot the maknae a playful smile.

 Jungkook scratched his not so itchy cheeks with a baffle look “Don’t carelessly followed Hobi hyung actions. He is devil” he said flatly.

 Rolling his eyes in annoyance, Jimin slipped his hand in Yeoul and started to drag the clueless girl inside while bidding their “goodbye” earning low grunts from his members showing their protest. After closing the door behind him, Yeoul quickly turned Jimin to her as she locked her arms around him tightly.

 Inhaling his sweet scent deeply she whispered “I read your written apology. I am sorry that you have to apologize to everyone because of me” Jimin could tell the guilt in her voice. It was almost impossible to not notice that when he could read her like an open book.

 He carefully cradled her head in his hand, and slowly soothed the length of her soft hair with a sigh “Don’t apologize. I am doing this for you and Minyeol. For us. I know it is not right to apologize but that is the least that I can do for my family, fans, Bang PD and especially my members. I love you Na Yeoul way too much, I wont lose you again that is for sure” his sincerity touched the deepest core of her heart.

 Those “I love you” might be a mere word to some people, but for Yeoul it meant eternal promise made by two souls. Just like how they used to love each other, Yeoul wanted to continue it like this. Love made people did crazy things. Sometimes the craziest thing in life was worthwhile.

  -------------------

 Jimin tried to understand what he just heard from Bang PD few seconds ago but it was too much for his brain to digest. So, some brands that they were working as for now tried to withdraw from the contracts as soon as his written confession being released two days ago. The stock dropped, fancafe numbers were decreasing and some of Jimin’s invidual fansites had been closed down temporarily.

 To add the mess, there were fans made a protest outside the building burning their albums and came out with placard or banner with nasty words on it. Banners with horrible words like “We demand Jimin to be kicked out from Bangtan” , “Park Jimin is a disgrace to nation”, “Get your ugly ass back to Busan and rot” and “Bangtan is 6 members not 7. Get Jimin out from BTS”.

 It was crazy. Despite the mess that they faced now, they still proceeded with Wings Tour Japan Edition. There were no plans in halting the concert. Fans anger died down or that’s what they assumed.

 “Bang PD can we bring Yeoul to Japan with us?” Jimin requested. He even expressed his hope for the company to fly Minyeol few days after they reached Japan so he could spend some time with him. At this circumstance, it was impossible to sneak out and met Minyeol. Due to this, Yeoul’s stays in Seoul was extended due to the situation that they faced now.

 Bang PD lips were pressed into thin line, his silence was killing him of course. The older guy finally broke the silence after few minutes “We’ll see what we can do, don’t worry Yeoul and Minyeol safety are our priority so concentrate on your practice” he gave him an assurance smile indicating his seriousness in making things right.

 -----------

 Days passed and as planned Bangtan flew to Japan for continue their Wings Tour activities and the company had decided to fulfill Jimin’s wishes. She was contemplating to leave Korea considering things were pretty heated up in the country. Leaving Minyeol alone with Taehwan and her mother was not a good idea.

 As a mother, she’s supposed to protect Minyeol but thankfully Bang PD informed her Minyeol would be following them in few days so that put her at ease. Only god knew how much she missed her son, so did Jimin.

 Bangtan first concert in Osaka went smoothly, with no sign of angry fans spotted at the event. The whole event went as planned and surprisingly there were special project dedicated for Jimin from Armys and they called it Bangtan Bomb Blue Ocean with “Jimin, we will forever be your wings” flashed for god 15 minutes before the show ended.

 Deeply touched by this overly sweet gesture from Armys, Jimin burst into tears on stage. He felts like he didn’t deserve this kind of treatment from the fans when he had hurt Bangtan indirectly due to his careless mistake. Even though Jimin promised to be cool after their Blood, Sweat and Tears era, his manly tears could not be hold back anymore.

 To remember the sacrifice made by his members, all the hardships and most importantly unlimited love by Armys, he owed them a really big time. He didn’t deserve this, he was disgusted of himself.

 Jimin brought the mic closed to his mouth as he sobbed onto it “Armys…I am sorry” he tried to force words out from his mouth but to no avail. Taehyung was the first one who went to his side, pulling Jimin into a tight hug, he whispered ‘it is okay’ non stop as it hurt his heart to see his best friend cried like this.

 It rarely happened so it took them off guard.

 Maknae joined to encircle his arms around them as he wiped Jimin’s tears with his thumb, scanning his already swollen eyes “Hyung.. it is okay, we are with you. Armys are with you” he smiled sadly.

 Not far from the stage Yeoul was watching the boys with guilt in heart ‘What have I done to them’ she palmed her chest while trying to muffle her sob. Loud chants from fans boomed in the arena, “Gwenchana, gwenchana, Saranghae uri Park Jimin” (It is okay, it is okay, we love our Park Jimin).

 Others surrounded the maknae line for a group hug and it earned a louder chant from the audience seat. Yeoul quickly left the arena for a toilet break. Her heart could not comprehend the scene before her, it broke her heart.

 Bangtan’s friendship was too beautiful and it slowly shattered because of her.

 Reaching the washroom, she clutched onto the cold wash basins bellowing her frustration. She bawled her eyes out feeling the guilt and pain surged in her heart. For once in her life after her break up with Jimin five years ago, she was this hopelessly pathetic.

 She ruined life. She ruined Bangtan. She hurt their fans.

 How could she be alright with all this? Because she could not fake her emotions.

 She must do something.. Just something.

 --------------

 “Taehwan, marry me”

 He almost choked on his food after hearing such a blunt and ridiculous request from the girl in front of him. What got into that thick head of hers? Was she crazy after all the torment from the medias and Bangtan’s fans?

 “ARE YOU CRAZY? Stop fooling around that is not funny”

 “I am dead serious, marry me” he felt Yeoul’s hard stare on his face penetrating his soul and it mortified him. What on earth was that? Did he hear it right or was him having a bad dream from his nap?

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This work belongs to  Chimswae © 2019. All Rights Reserved

[kkamist]

tags (ღ˘⌣˘ღ)

ok so ive been tagged in different tags by different people ,,, nd have procrastinated on actually doing them ,, so i decided to compile all of them in one post !!

warning: this will be a v long post ,, read only if u wanna ,, know more abt me i guess (why would u lmAO)

fact tag?? i guess

rules: tag 9 people you want to get to know better and answer the questions

was tagged by maria !! @s0ftminho ♡ඩ⌔ඩ♡

Relationship status: single

Favourite colour: yellow,, peach,, nd black

Top 3 ships: oof idk?? oo nomin probably !!

Lipstick or chapstick: i dont use them :”)

Last song: im listening to gfriend - rough rn!

Last movie: spiderman homecoming hAHHAHA ( i was doing a mini marvel marathon bc my dad had the movies and didnt ! tell ! me ! but i uh stopped there lmao )

Top 3 shows: i dont watch shows often,, but i do rly like knowing brothers, night goblin :”) nd its dangerous outside the blanket! oooo theres also cafe amor that is p cute too !!

Currently reading: ok if manga counts, kimi no todoke nd bnha ,, if not ,, waking gods by sylvain neuvel (but i paused like ,, last yr prob hAHHA)

kpop + music tag!

ok so i was tagged by @01yoonjin to do ,, both of these tags if im not wrong,, and @maetaamong tagged me for the music shuffle tag and @hyuunjins tagged me for the kpop tag thingy aha

music shuffle tag

rules: put all of your phone’s music library – no playlists! – on shuffle. list the first ten songs that play. bold the song(s) that lift your mood and italicise the song(s) that makes you the most emotional. then tag ten people!

mad city - nct 127

campfire - svt

us now - vixx

hold me tight - bts

talk me down  - troye sivan

paradise - nct 127

too good - troye sivan

grr 총량의 법칙 - skz

another world - nct 127

blue - troye sivan ft alex hope

kpop tag

rules: answer the questions!

1) 5 favorite groups?

skz

nct

nuest

sf9

w1

2) Top 5 on your bias list? (no particular order)

hyunjin

(lee) chan

(lee) mark

chanhee

jr (jonghyun)

3) Ult Bias group and why you love them?

oof ok i,,, dont know? im not the type to actually Stay ulting a group?? like ill stan then ,,, then,, get into another grp,,, yeah,,,, im not v loyal aa my friends always ask what grps i stan and im liek ,,,,, idk,,,, i stan a Lot,,, (that was a real convo between a new friend i made weeks ago) but i guess,, atm its skz? their music is,, my taste? like the meaning of it nd all,, and uh theyre also v v fun to b with,, there isnt a moment when i dont smile whenever i see one of their vids or during their vlives :”) tbh what i like the most in groups i stan is their humor lmao,,, like if theyre v funny, i automatically love them even more :”))

4) Ult Bias and why you love them?

again,,, idk man,, i dont think i even Ult hAHHA ok but i ,, rlly like bae jinyoung nd chani hHAHHA ok but also ,,,, hyunjin. that boy,,,,,  id do anything for him tbh ,,  also bjy wasnt even mentioned in  2 but,,, i rlly love him ,, like idk,, i dont stan w1 as much now but ,, whenever i see him im like :-))))) (same goes for chani aa) fiuwe idk y i like them sm tho aa

5) Favorite Kpop Meme

iiiiii dont have any guawdeij

6) Favorite pic of your ult? (I dare you to only pick one)

ok what,,, i dont even know my ult hAHAH

7) 5 Favorite Kpop MVs

dont stop - twice (this is in jap tho,, does it count?)

nuest - daybreak

blooming days - exo cbx

you&me - kisum

go - nct dream

8) 10 Favorite Kpop songs?

vivid - loona/heejin

heart attack - loona/chuu

singing in the rain - loona/jinsoul

scentist - vixx

boss - nct u

rollercoaster - chungha

shine - pentagon

blooming days - exo cbx

trigger - vixx

my valentine - vixx

nd a lot more auief

9) Favorite Kpop crack video?

oof i dont watch crack often-

10) Favorite content creator within the fandom?

all of them!! :”)

11) What fandoms would you say you’re an active member of?

aa atm the sk fandom !! i was q active in the svt fandom in my main blog but i dont make content anymore :-( i do want to b active in other grps (like nct nd sf9 nd mayb nuest) but i dont have enough Commitment to run other blogs at the same time :”)))

12) Take your top 3 biases- fmk

these arent my top 3 but-

F(riendly convo with) - murk leeeee

M - oof tbh id marry seungcheol or mingYU OmG :-)))))))) hes not my bias but ,, hes such husband material tbh ,,,,,,,,

K - lee chan bc he,, keeps Killing me w those looks even when im tryna stan another grp ughrei

13) If you could be best friends with any idol, who would you choose?

chani? or chenle!! for chani ,, we’re q similar nd we both like chicken !!!!!!!!!!!! so yes. for chenle ,, we’re also kinda similar but we def have the same humor ,,, which is always great  :^)))))

14) If you could date any idol, who?

hm,,, tbh these days ive been feeling Soft for mark (lee) nd !! also bjy ,,,, ahHa im sorry hyunjin yshvriIHFED

15) What’s one Kpop album you think everyone should have listened to?

vixx - eau de vixx bc nO ONE i know talks abt it :-((((

16) Are you a soft or a hard stan?

swoft??? or medium idK HAHAH

17) An idol that makes you go into soft mode?

100% hyunjin,,, Also bjy.

18) An idol that makes you want to smash the empire state building with one single punch?

o man is also hyunjin aLSO mark lee :-))))))))))

19) Favorite vocalist?

oof hm,, defo seungkwan ,,, seokmin,,, basically svt’s vocal team :-))) oOF reading this again ,, yo haechan???? God tier vocals,,, pls stan nct :-)))

20) Favorite Rapper?

oo ok so i watched high school rapper nd i really like osshun? nd oH bang jaemin :”) aa i need to watch s2 soon jgafiue

in terms of idols, defo 3racha,,, theyre So Good uiahrfiu

21) Favorite dancer?

aAA in terms of girls: cHUNGHA!! for boys its ,, basically all of svt performance team nd,, ten and taeyong- (i like a lot of dancers its hard to choose ifajoiwe)

22) Things you have in common with your ult?

ok i,, dk my ult but ill just do it w the idols i put in in that q - for hyunjin i feel like we ,, both struggle w cooking lmAo nd have troubles waking up early :”) ,, actually now that i think abt it,, were both v quiet nd shy but when u get to know us? were v Loud nd savage (same w bjy nd chani) also again ,, chani likes chicken, i do too so :-)))))))

23) The mot beautiful trait any idol can have?

hm,, confidence? it takes a lot for someone to just go on stage and sing/dance etc,, like i would Never b able to do that- (proven today: had a skit and had a shaky voice the whole time , also laughed alot oops)

24) Songs that will always make you jam along?

vIVID by heejin nd singing in the rain by jinsoul nD ALL THE OTHER LOONA SONGS-

also rock by skz !!!!! nd nd omg rollercoaster by chungha nd,,, scentist by vixx nd many others hAHAH

25) Your worst wrecker?

in skz its ,,,,,,,, ***** :-)) also nomin have been wrecking me these days ,, rip

26) Any kpop concerts you’ve been to?

0 bc my parents wont let me :-(

27) Favorite choreo?

there r too many-

28) Favorite live performance?

also too many- but i do like concert performances where the fans sing along too- like those Hit me in the feels everytime (eg: smile flower - svt!!!) iahfnie (does this even count lmao)

29) Favorite debut mv?

adore u- svt !! (3rd anniv coming up ihHIWU)

30) Recommend a rookie group

skz obv, loona, unb ,, (g)i-dle !!

31) A kpop song you could listen to every day for the rest of your life?

there is a Lot but prob vivid - heejin hAHAH I RLLY LIKE THAT SONG AUWIFHIAU

20 question tag!

rules: answer 20 questions and then tag twenty people you want to get to know better

i was tagged by em !! @realstraykids  (´∀｀)♡

name: hazirah (oo name reveal :^))

nickname(s): haz

zodiac sign: scorpio

height: i am smoller than em ,, barely 5 feet :-)))))))))

languages spoken: ok ,, eng, malay, arabic, uuuh tiiiiiny bit of chinese and im now (kind of) self learning korean :^)

nationality: singaporean

favourite season: ok we dont have fall in sg,, but fall !!

favourite flowers: baby’s breath!

favourite scents: the scent of fried chicken :-)) or fresh laundry ,,, also petrol smell :-) 

favourite color: i answered above but yellow, peach nd black

favourite animal: shiba inus !!

favourite fictional characters: mmmm kacchan nd aizawa nD TODOROKI IFIAEUR HOW COULD I FORGET HIM O Mg frm bnha !! also baz nd simon frm the book carry on, simon by raindow rowell (one of my fav books tbh) ,,,, also tanaka frm tanaka kun is always listless bc hes goals tbh. ALSO oMg USUI TAKUMI FRM KAICHOU WA MAID SAMA OH MY GODUIHF

coffee, tea, or hot chocolate: ok in cold countries i Always get hot chocolate,, here in sg i always get green tea,, or ice lemon tea sometimes :-)))

average sleeping hours: 5-6

dog or cat person: both but more towards cats tbh

number of blankets you sleep with: 1

dream trip: the world !! or like japan/england ,, 

blog established: feb 1 2018

followers: a number :-)

random fact: mmmmmmmm i broke my fast w two of my friends last night nd caught up w each other nd im v happy :-)))))

nd thats the end !! (not really,, theres like 2 slefie tags but i have 0 pics oops) but if you read through all this,, congratulations,, you probably know me more than my classmates :-))))

[pebblesandjamjam]

JAM’s Top 8 for 2017

I retired the concept of publication years in 2016 and that tradition holds this year.  When you meet a book matters more than when the book met the world. You’re a certain sort of person when the text comes into your life and if you read it at a different time, you’d likely see it in a different way. What’s more: there’s just too much in the world for me to focus on what was published when–so this list represents the best of what I experienced in 2017, independent of its publication date. It represents me, my year, where I started, and where I ended. Hope you enjoy the ride.

8. Jackass // Scarlet Beriko (2015, tr. 2017)

Scarlet Beriko is one of the best cartoonists in the game and their chosen field is: BL. Lucky, I think. I have always admired their variety and control of line weight, wielding it carefully to allow the tone to turn on a dime. (Their comics, including this one, are hilarious.) But with Jackass in particular,I think what I admire most is how much affection each character--even the secondary ones, the nameless ones--seems to show.

The main pairing is two high school students and best friends, Keisuke and Masayuki. Their relationship ends up in a strangely sexual place when Keisuke accidentally puts on his older sister’s pantyhose--and Masayuki discovers a kink he never knew he had. The comic is impressive enough in that the accidental putting on of pantyhose is actually believable in context, but the true mastery is how protective the boys and their friends are of one another. A secondary romance is built between Keisuke’s childhood friend, Katsumi, and the school doctor, but even this romance is less about the two characters and more a vehicle for emphasizing Keisuke and Katsumi’s friendship--which is a relief, as I generally frown upon even fictional student-teacher relationships for reasons that should be obvious. All of these boys (and, notably, Keisuke’s sister) love each other, take care of each other, treat each other preciously--the way I wish all the precious men in my life would treat each other.

The major flaw of the book comes with the character Miyoshi, another student. Even he becomes part of the flow of affection, but the character uses the word ‘queer’ pejoratively quite a few times, which is to be understood as a sort of defense mechanism given the completion of his arc--but of course, does not undo the violence of either the nature of the word’s use or its larger participation in queerphobic narratives. I very much enjoy the deep love this book shows, which is why it’s frustrating (to say that absolute least) to see it casually undermined by queerphobic language and themes.

It was one of the best books I read this year, but that enjoyment was tempered by the sharpness of that experience. If you do decide to enjoy the book yourself: please do so carefully.

7. Mix-Plate // Emily Forster (2017)

BL brought me other gifts this year, but this time from a surprising source: the West. In 2017, seven Western cartoonists put together Boy, I Love You: a BL comics anthology, a work collecting pieces inspired by and celebrating the genre. The anthology itself was enjoyable on the whole, but Emily Forster’s piece, “Mix-Plate”, was an impressive standout.

Not unlike Jackass, affection looms large throughout the story, though this one is much more familial. Jordan is a teenager whose parents don’t quite support him as they should. One day, he meets another boy named Eli who has a different relationship with his family. Jordan eats with Eli’s family on the beach several times and the family’s affection for one another is arguably the true primary relationship of the story.

The imbuing of culture and setting is also key to the story. Though it is never said directly, the comic is ostensibly set in Hawaii given Eli’s family uses Pidgin with significant frequency. This element may be the part that I liked most of all--if anything because I don’t get to read many comics that invoke elements of Hawaiian culture and daily life by cartoonists from Hawaii. The authenticity shines through as much, if not, moreso, than the romance itself.

The comic feels warm and, ultimately, welcoming. Just as a love story should.

6. Akira, vol 1 // Katsuhiro Otomo (1982, re-translated 2017)

I’ve read volume 1 of Akira three times in my life, across about five years. I’ve seen the film several times. And now, I think, Otomo and I are beginning to understand one another. Part of it is certainly that this go round I’ve been reading editions with higher production quality and significantly better translations--but I think I needed to sit with the book for a few (or several) years before it began to resonate.

Finally, after Time Number Three, I understood Kaneda’s cool, Kaneda’s foolishness, and the quiet implication of Kaneda’s tragedy--maybe because they’re all the epitome of youth, or perhaps more accurately, the epitome of lacking control. Ultimately, Akira is really a story about attempts at either control or the illusion of control. What’s cool about Kaneda is that he gets thrown into the center of a government conspiracy and simply rolls with the punches. He’s cool; he’s in control. But what’s foolish about him is even the thought that he’s in control, that he knows it all, that he’s got it figured out. You can’t have one without the other. And the tragedy is what robs him of the control in the first place, what seems to control him, what he has to settle for instead of control--which are things Otomo carefully intimates but never says outright, because..well, tragedy, isn’t cool. Kaneda is at the edge of everything because his youth and his edge are all he has. And you roll with it, just as he does, not just because that edge is cool but because you too are lacking control. You too want to roar in defiance, to make someone or something remember you, even if you can’t. It took some time, but, I got there.

I’m glad I did.

5. Navigating Trauma // Shan Murphy (2017)

Navigating Trauma is a 2017 mood if I’ve ever seen one. I saw it go by on Twitter and was immediately staggered. I looked it several times that day. I’ve looked at it several times since. It depicts the feelings with immediately recognizable truth and honesty. It lets you know where you’ve been. It lets you know where you’ll eventually be. Though this is my first time coming across their work, Murphy’s work here is reminiscent of Tove Jansson’s Moomin strips--in both style and tone, I think. There’s a sweetness and a sharpness. Something gentle that will not lie to you about the difficult portions of life. But also something that will comfort you through them. A fantastic piece.

4. Stages of Rot // Linnea Sterte (2017)

I’ve been thinking for a while about how to describe what’s good about Stages of Rot and I keep coming back to the notion of it representing the quietest, stillest, and most undisturbed parts of my heart. It’s the art, mainly. The narrative relies much less on words and much more on “vibe,” as my friend and colleague Shea Hennum is wont to put it. The story doesn’t even matter to me, all that much. I have trouble keeping it together, though the description on the back helps:

“An alien desert comes to life around the body of a dying whale. Animals, insects and ancient peoples scramble for her remains and make their homes among her bones, struggling through a millenia-long process of decay.”

As I said, though, it’s the art. The lines and colors are both, at once, soft but definitive. Any more words would ruin it because it’s the feeling--the feeling of being in tune with something across time and space. A kind of purpose and significance to the movements of the earth, and you. It’s something holy. A pure experience.

3. Shinobeba Koi // Yukue Moegi (2014)

Well, it’s BL again. Sorry, not sorry. And even worse, it’s a title that hasn’t been translated to English (yet). I know, I know, but I’m even less sorry than I was previously. I’m speaking it into the universe such that some intrepid young licenser will come across this post and think, yes, today I will, because honestly, I’ve read this comic about 6 times this year and I am moved each time.

Shinobeba Koi is a two-volume comic that is actually a spin-off from a different comic, Nirameba Koi. It follows the older brother of the main character from Nirameba, but that doesn’t matter because Shinobeba is entirely enjoyable without that context (and is a definitively superior comic.) It tells the tale of a long love between Tora (the older brother) and Tetsuya. The story starts when they’re older, working at a hair salon together, but readers learn that they knew each other from before, when the two were teenagers. Tetsuya was 18, the leader of a bike gang and Tora, 16, admired him deeply, desperate to join his gang.

The depth of their feelings is apparent and holds throughout the narrative, gently but firmly. There are a number of opportunities for Moegi to overdo it, but she never does. The story is always told with restraint and deep sensitivity, which is particularly fitting against the setting of an extremely masculine bike gang. I’m continually swept away by the gentleness and the certainty of affection between the two leads, even at troublesome intersections. I love a story of a long, patient love--perhaps because patient love is the sort that I feel that I need--so this one is among my very favorite.

2. On A Sunbeam // Tillie Walden (2016-7)

I almost put On A Sunbeam on last year’s list, but it hadn’t finished yet, and I have been burned by the floppy endings of too many otherwise brilliant works to make similar mistakes again. With that in mind, I should note how I felt reading the end of this comic.

It had been finished for a few weeks, but I was already three or four chapters behind--and I was also a bit depressed. I wasn’t interested in much, couldn’t do much, didn’t want to do much beyond feeling bad about not being able to do or wanting to do much. My friend Mark suggested that I read the final chapters of the comic, in hopes of improving my mood, but I told him I didn’t want to, since the weight of those final chapters possibly being bad (or worse, middling) seemed like too much additional sadness. And then I would never know if the comic was bad or if I was bad. And that too seemed too much.

So I waited. I waited for a day that I felt, at a minimum, okay, and then I read it. And, of course, once I did, I was ready to spin-kick the sun out of the sky. (I say that a lot for things I like, because it’s the only thing that really adequately describes how it feels when I experience something I love, so you may have heard me use the phrase before.)

I could write about the sheer industriousness of Walden’s work on this webcomic--she was putting out 20-30 pages...a week, never mind a month--or I could write about it in context of how much I love her other work, but really, I just want to say that On A Sunbeam is chockful of artfully restrained and fine feelings--of love, of fury, of warmth.

It’s a space comic that, in one timeline, follows Mia, a girl working as a part of a ship’s crew that restores various buildings for money, but then also follows her at a different time, when she’s at a new boarding school after some troubles at her old one. The work emphasizes the forced closeness of spaceships in the vast distances of space, how crews live together and become families. Use of space and architecture are probably my favorite things about Walden’s comics and On A Sunbeam is no exception. My experience of the comic was always relief, gratefulness, and joy at having such quality work available to me on a regular basis.

It’s going to be published in print in 2018, if webcomics aren’t your thing. I hope it brings you as much relief, gratitude, and joy as it brought me.

1. Finder, vol 1 // Carla Speed McNeill (1997-present, collected in 2011)

Finder is a miracle comic, I think. It behaves as though it’s real, which a lot of fictional works strive for, but rarely actually achieve. I was immediately engrossed after the first few pages and the huge library volumes collected by Dark Horse in 2011 are massive--664 pages, precisely. But it’s likely the casualness of it all, the evidence of the world building without explanation, and the compelling character (protagonist is the wrong word, in the context of Finder) we have in Jaeger, an Ascian sin-eater. If you haven’t read Finder, you don’t know what either of those words mean, but that’s fine, don’t worry--whatever I tell you about it won’t be as good as if you just pick up the book and let McNeill tell you herself. Or, I don’t know, let Finder tell you itself, as it almost seems to function on its own.

That’s part of it too. McNeill’s work is impressive such that the seams, the hand of the creator is almost, oddly, invisible (even though it could in no way happen without her, dare I say, genius.) There are many comics that I can imagine working on myself, even several of the ones by the greats (I admit, audaciously) but Finder is its own separate, brilliant thing that I could never either conceive of or create, even knowing about it after the fact.

I imagine I’m frustrating you because you’ve arrived at #1 and I haven’t even told you what the comic is about but, to be honest, I don’t know! I can’t say. Anything I’d say would be incomplete and a disservice to an undefinable truth. I can tell you that some of it is about Jaeger, but much of it isn’t. My favorite parts are about him, but there’s plenty I love that’s hardly related.

It’s a comic I can’t define with all my words and critical prowess, can’t create with all of my imagination and sense of structure, but absolutely love. It’s a world. It’s several. It’s a life, a series of lives.

And how on earth could I adequately tell you about that?

[whataboutthepress-blog]

lit literature ~

A quote that I’ve taken interest in states that books are one of the best companions, better than people maybe. 

“Books are the quietest and most constant of friends; they are the most accessible and wisest of counselors, and the most patient of teachers.”

-Charles William Eliot (former Harvard president)

Basically you can find the best book ever and it literally becomes apart of you! It is in fact a beautiful union. Imagine finding your soul in print on paper shredded from trees bond together tighter than your lips go when you read about your favorite character doing a bad deed. My list ain’t that deep; that’s not what this is. 

But what I am here for is the Summer Reading List 2 Kay Seumteen that i did promise. 

What is Summer Reading List 2 Kay Seumteen ?  

Summer Reading List 2 Kay Seumteen is a few books i read this summer of 2017 in my spare time. In between work and building other things in my life, i was able to knock out about 5 books, including a book of 4 short stories. This is nothing flashy. Probably books you've read already. But still...enjoy! There may be one that catches your eye. 

Circa June of this year, i was without a laptop and needed access to the internet. So like a regular citizen of a big city, i went to my local library and signed up for a library card. It started to be for computer purposes only, but im an avid reader (fan of recommended and passed on books) so it wasn’t very long before i made my way from the unreliable computer to the welcoming bookshelf. My love for literature runs deep! With that being said, I’m so happy to share my very first reading list, formally titled ‘Summer Reading List 2 Kay Seumteen’ . 

I began my summer reading “Faithful” by Alice Hoffman. Faithful was one of three books I checked out at my first visit (the first visit to the library that was strictly for finding book companions). During that book-blind-date experience, i also checked out a mystery fiction book that I can’t recall and some other less interesting book i misjudged due to my lack of judging books by their cover. 

Faithful not only made my summer list, but also made my ‘all time fave’ list. (Yall will never see that list because i doubt I’d ever write it.) This book spoke to me so clearly. I picked it up that day at Kendall Neighborhood library less of any expectations. It turned out to be one of the most relative pieces of literature in my life thus far. Faithful is about a young girl getting into a bad accident with her best friend in their final year of high school. The accident ends up leaving the young lady’s friend in a coma for a very long time. There are many other vital details, but i was able to relate mostly to the depression the main character endured. No, i havent never been in a life changing wreck, but i deal with issues daily that add to my depression. This book gave me hope. It lit a fire in my soul and i now feel i have an everlasting flame. Alice Hoffman spoke to me, personally, through this novel. I would recommend Faithful to anyone that is somebody. To anyone who ever wondered how deep depression goes. To anyone who’s ever felt alone in a dark world and to anyone who’s ever needed lifting. READ DIS. 

Book number two on SRL2KS is an absolute classic, and you may have already read it! The timeless “I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings” by the late and great Ms Maya Angelou. This was a first time read for me and actually a venture from my newfound library relationship. A good friend of mine received this Non Fiction paperback book from his niece, and I began reading it before he could even pick it up. Once i began to read and learned Angelou spent many years of her childhood being raised in Stamps, Arkansas, there was no quittin’ this book. 

I purposely chose this version of the cover because this is the exact one that i had in my possession. This is the story of young Angelou’s childhood alongside her brother. Raised by their grandmother (on the daddy side, you know how that go) and their uncle, Maya and her brother go through much in this detailed story of stories. Focusing on the trials and tribulations of young Maya, i would recommend this book for my young ladies. This is a must read for women all over the world honestly. Reading the hurtful and happy can grant one a new view on life and a few decent quotes to live by too.

Next on the great SRL2KS, i explored more African American authors! I found, what i would consider, a short story by a young adult/youth literature writer named Ms Jacqueline Woodson. The novel titled “Another Brooklyn” is a specially written story about a young, black Muslim girls childhood. This is not a religious story nor is it a kids book. It speaks on a young girl growing up around other girls and making a close knit bond. The girls grow together and the story continues to follow the young black girl and her little brother after they begin to reside with their father in Brooklyn, New York.

Woodson speaks and describes the bond of the girls so well to me, in a way i dream of expressing my thoughts. I took note of how she talked about them loving and lifting each other just to remember to share this novel with my daughter one day. I wont ruin the end, but everything wasn’t peaches and cream. With that, I still  recommend this novel to young women everywhere (not only women of color). It’s short, so it won’t take up much of your time, but it’s still nice to knock out a book by an AA author at any given time for me. 

Completely and fully inspired by “I Know Why the Caged Bird Sing”, my next book is another Maya Angelou non fiction. “Mom and Me and Mom” is Maya expanding on her relationship with her mother, an exceptional woman mentioned in my first read by Maya many times. I too had a close relationship with my mother, so it was easy for me to pick this book up with an open heart. "Mom and Me and Mom” expands on a series of short, less detailed stories mentioned in IKWCBS. I was able to get to know Maya’s mother more and get an in depth point of view of their relationship. I can never think about this book and not think of my own mom lol.

This isn’t a must read IMO if you’ve read IKWCBS, but i still recommend this one for the lovers, like myself. If you love that warmer than fresh baked cookies feel or you absolutely admire your mom (again, meee), you’d enjoy a heartwarming story about an adventurous young woman and her ambitious mother. I loved this book!

In the summer of Seumteen, i aspired to learn. I took an interest into sign language which led to me looking into sign lit (sign language books lol) ! In the mist of it all, i did of course continue my reading *Stevie J nod*

My last and final book on my marvelous Summer Reading List 2 Kay Seumteen is by one of my all time favorite authors, Stephen King. My favorite book in the whole world was written by King under a different name. (I completely refuse to elaborate on my favorite book for future blog reasons) “Full Dark, No Stars” is just another opportunity for me to fall in love with King’s writing more. After reading this book of four short stories, I vowed to take advantage of all the Stephen King books at Ring Library, the local joint. Ring is a small facility, so it will take me no time to read the 8-10 Stephen King books they shelter. Also, things change when it comes to what the library has on shelf. 

In “Full Dark, No Stars”, King starts with a story about a man and his son in the 1920s having to make a tough decision that ends up creating a string of events you’d least expect. This story was one of my favorite of the four because it was rated Stephen King, or gruesome and skin crawling, and also humors under all the unfortunate events. The second story is a tale of a woman who is attacked while she is stranded roadside after not following her gut. In the drawn out story, the young lady seeks revenge, but the inside sleeve of this book will never prepare you for how deep the revenge goes. The third is pretty short and the biggest reach! A tale of a man who has been dealt a somewhat sad deal of cards. The father and husband is given the opportunity of a life time: to relieve his life of misery. Of course there is a condition or to this...other than the obvious cash money, the character’s genie also requests that this man allows his burdens to be placed on the one person he hates the most. The story pretty much left me speechless, in a questionable way. Lastly was my favorite of the four. An interesting story of a woman discovering the past and somewhat current life of her husband. The story has a twist that i didnt exect or regret. It really makes you wonder if you really know people too! I confidently recommend this book to readers with an imagination thats willing to get twisted. Stephen King never fails at making me grin after i turn the last page of his novels. This read was so good, i’m inspired to do a King binge and best believe a blog will follow :)

In review, take a peek at

Faithful by Alice Hoffman I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou Another Brooklyn by Jacqueline Woodson Mom and Me and Mom by Maya Angelou Full Dark, No Stars by Stephen King

Enjoy, my fellow readers. And look out.

[bi-lullaby]

I already sent you the list of male characters, so here's a list of our amazing GA women to try to rank from your favorite to least favorite, no ties allowed! :) Meredith, Cristina, Bailey, Izzie, Callie, Lexie, April, Jo, Arizona, Maggie, Amelia, Teddy, Addison, Erica. Good luck, and as always, feel free to include your reasons why because I love your answers! I realized while typing this that overall I love the way GA writes its female characters a lot more than its male ones, btw

Oh honey, same! Here’s my list, whoch has some Solid Reasons but the main one is who makes me recreate this gif:

More enthusiastically, which is very personal, otherwise by level of awesomeness it’d be, like, a 10-way tie!

1 - Meredith. I feel in love with her in the first ep and that has only grow exponentially over the last 15 seasons. Is she perfect? As far for it as possible. She can be harsh and inconsiderate of other people’s feelings, she can be arrogant and agressive. I know that. But I also feel she’s the character who’s the most aware of her own flaws and who actively tries to overcome them. Her whole relationship with Derek was a six season long of her working over her issues until she felt ready to be more intimate and close to someone and marry him. I feel like everyone is a little too harsh on her (main character curse). Every other person on the show is allowed to have bad days, to lash out and mourn and be sefish whrn they’re going through a lot (i mean, Amy has a whole speech to Mer about how “she’s never lost the love of her life” and “she doesn’t know how that messes a person up, and yet I see so many people agreeing with that and hating Mer when she was the one in Amy’s position and also took some less than stellar, hurtful decisions) but Mer, who has quantitatively gone through the most (not a competition because I feel she, Jo and Amy are on equal footing, just by sheer number of bad things), is called whinny, bitchy, cold, uncaring, when she is anything but! She cares so freaking much she’s willingb to go to any distance! Donating her liver to her stranded father because of her loved little sister? Risking her job and career for someone she loves? Risking her life/career/license for patients? Welcomig people in her home with open arms? Operating through a miscarriage while her husband lies dying on the next OR? Being a great friend who defends, sticks by, forgives, comforts and protects who she loves from abusive exes, jail, judgment or tests? She has done all that and more. Also, she’s so empathetic/compassionate! She refused to bet on George’s failure on season one, she was the only one to try and shield that “tumor pregnancy” patient from judgment, she was the only one (not her best and oldest friend or hes husband, Mer) to get Jo to talk after she became depressed, she defended Cristina’s choice to Owen even if that was not what she’d personally do (she had tried so hard for a baby! She went out of her way to adopt Zola!) not just because she had empathy for the fetus that would grow to mimic her own situation, but for the woman who would mimic her mother’s (also, low-key one of the best speeches, damn)! She feels everyone’s pains and tries her best to help! She’s dorky and fun and smiles so often, no matter how bad her life has been! She pushes people to be their best (Alex, Cristina, Jo). She’s a great teacher! Also, one of the things that make me the softest is how she recognizes the flaws in her upbringing and tries her best to correct them and not continue that bad cycle with her own children! When she’s mad and needs to be alone, she tells Zola “you’re perfect, and mommy needs a minute”. When she’s dating, she puts her kid’s feelings first and foremost! When she’s away from them, she misses them like crazy! She talks about them with a brilliant, vivid smile! All of her relationships are fantastic (she’s such a people-person, as much as she tries to cover it up and doesn’t know how to truly express it) and some criminally underrated. She’s a kind, brilliant, loving, still flawed, beautiful woman who deserves the world and more, and I’m on Meredith Grey’s defense squad from now till forever!

2 - Arizona. As a bubbly blonde wlw who’s interested in being a pediatric surgeon, has authority+parental issues and an older sibling she loves, Arizona is one of those “I see myself in them” characters that just make me so happy! I felt both represented and inspired to try my best, to be at the top of my game but jot let go of my humanity and compassion and happiness. It’s weird because I didn’t quite like her in the first few eps she appeared, as she was rude and biphobic and kinda crass. Then she grew on me enormously. I think her relationships are all so criminally underrated, and that she should come back with Callie and Sophia and April in tow and make my day. I suffered when she suffered, and when she smiles, I feel lighter and happier, truly! She showcases some important messages! I have said this in a previous post, but I love that she... Came into the show and left pretty much the same. Her arc wasn’t as much about change as it was about finding herself again, glueing her pieces back together again. She entered a bubbly, hardcore, brilliant peds surgeon who had a very strong, clear set of values, was able-bodied, enamorated with Callie Torres and didn’t want to have children, out and proud and beautiful. She left a bubbly, hardcore peds+fetal surgeon, a mother, with a very strong, clear set of values, woman with a disability, enamorated with Callie Torres, out and proud and beautiful. Some things changed and she grew, like any healthy, normal human being, but seeing her get lost in such a dark place where so litte of the true Arizona showed through and then have her come back to who she truly was, stronger and wiser and more determined, really puts out a hopeful message that I adore.

3 - Amelia. Has she been inconsistent? Did they apparently slap the tumor storyline on her already suffering character just to make up for it? Yeah. But overall I completely adore Amy. She has been through so much, so repeatedly, and I’m amazed at how she’s still... Such a deeply good person. She smiles and laughs and cares and helps and works and saves and emphatisazes and worries and loves. She’s adorable with children and so loving with Mer’s. She’s kind to the point of almost being a pushover, but knows when to stand up for herself. I adore her and Mer’s relationsjip and wish it was a lot more developed! I love those two strong, tragedy-plaged women having each other as a support system! I love how soft she is with Maggie, how she’s so considerate of her! I love how she fughts to be in Leo’s life! I love how she worries about what’s best for everyone! And I hope she has a lot of good coming her way those next seasons. She deserves the world.

4 - Maggie. She’s such a breathe of fresh air! She’s bubbly and awkward and stuttering and idealistic and worry-prone! She is learning! She feel so real, so relatable! Can she be annoying? Sure! A lot of the times! I have been annoyed with her a lot! But there are so many characters who have that flaw and worse and are so loved, why is she so scorned? Being brilliant, young, still figuring things out, hard-worker, sensitive, those are not flaws or bad things. Maggie deserves a world of happiness and some kids of her own to smother with that gentle love of hers, and to have more developed relationship with everyone in that show. Also, the lady-chief trifecta gives me life! She’s a good balance to all thsoe tragedy-stricken, life-weary people at GSMH and I stand by that.

5 - Bailey is fantastic and badass and one part of a powercouple that owns my heart and a goddamn talented surgeon and an adorable mother and probably gives the best hugs and the actress is SO DAMN TALENTED like that eye acting? A MASTERPIECE. She’s also one of the hearts of the show and it’d not be the same without her. She reminds me a lot of Peggy Carter - golden hearted badassess who’ve been put through the ringer by people who ask her to measure up to her male (and, in bailey’s case, white) colleagues - and who not only does it but is usually better than then. Not gonna lie, when she got chief, I felt like it had been my own flesh and blood being promoted to her dream job! But I don’t feel like it did her too well (neither does the narrative, apparently, since they had her get a heartattack and a sabatical and relationship problems because of it). I know it wont happen but I wish she’d, like, take a nice trip, maybe write a book, vacay, breath, work on her mental health and come back feeling good and ready to take on the world! One of the scenes that makes her be so awesome to me is her talk with Cristina when they’re both pregnant: Bailey, cuddling her stomach and loving her unborn baby, telling Cristina (wary and tired and absolutely not wanting to be carrying a fetus) that no one can judge her for her choice and that she is able to make that choice! Talk about supporting women on different paths than you! What pushes her “ranking” a bit lower on my list than what it’d have been in the first seasons is that the fandom put her on such a pedestal that she cannot be or do no wrong, ever, and that quickly makes me sick of a character. Bailey commits insurance fraud (changing the hour on a surgery so it’d be covered) to help a patient? Have never seen anyone even comment on it. Mer/Alex do the same? Oh nooooo, go off on them, Bailey! Bailey’s such a hardass she’s nicknamed “the Nazi”? BADASS (and she was). Any other character is hard on their interns/residents? Monsters, bitches, poor things. It’s more an issue with the fandom, ofc, but well, that has made me hate characters I previously loved, so I’m really sad it happed to her (not that I hate her, I love her, I’ve just became annoyed with the character), and with characters that become “mouthpieces” to the narrative (wanna show the character is wrong? Have Bailey yell at them, even if Bailey might be on their side/not care/have done the same or similar/isn’t that close to them) and thus, loose a bit of their authenticity. Plus, there’s this one thing that’s core to her personality and makes me annoyed (probs irrationally): any doctor: screws up bailey: I RAISED YOU BETTER THAN THIS. Like, you... Didn’t? They were grown-ass adults when they came to know her, were her interns for... Under a year? (it felt like a long time to us but the first three seasons were a year and they had vacation and she went on maternity leave). And then went their merry ways with her being a resident and them too (not to count the ones that weren’t even her interns, like April and Jackson. Plus, have you considered that with all their screw-ups (and there have been maaaaany), she should either realize that she isn’t responsible for their actions and stop pulling that tired, over-used, untrue card, or that she might not have “raised” them so well, if she insists that’s what she did? I get the feeling and it’s sweet, just... not True and kinda overused.

6 - Lexie. Death I cried the hardest. She was such a baby, trying her goddamn best! So smart, so kind, so passionate! I also really identified wither her “dorky, clumsy younger sibling who most people would (wrongly) name “the smart one”, the overeating and the romanticism and the passionate arguing over facorite characters). She’s just not quite as far up on my list because A) It’s been so long and I’m not yet on my rewatch where she shows up, so I feel like I might be glorifying/glossing over her flaws, B) Her immaturity in the relationship with Mark is annoying, C) The fandom glosses over all her flaws and always, always, always places her as 100% the only, sole, victim, which turns me off a lot, D) She was kind of a Mary Sue. I mean, photographic memory that allows her borderline superpowers and being so sweet it was almost nauseating and never being wrong and being irresistible and and and...and E) SHE HAD THE AUDACITY TO DIE LIKE THAT AND BREAK MY GODDAMN HEART.

7 -Callie! My sweet angel Callie! She’s just... I don’t even have words! Her relationships are all funny and amazing and I loved her from when she first appeared, as much as she’s changed throughout the seasons! I love that she is selfless and brave and wild and fun and quitky. It breaks my heart to see her sad, and I’ll never forgive her mother for the treatment of her! She definetly deserves better. I am so sad she’s not on the show anymore, just hope that she’s happy with Ari and their kid (s? Now? Maybe? Wouldn’t that be great?).

8 - Cristina. He character is refreshing, because she is allowed. To continue not being a people person. To have moments and realizations and weakness without taking a 180° turn and going from a type A to B in a second with no explanation (like in every Holidays movie in which a successful business woman who’s dedicated herself to her career all her life moves to a small city and suddenly, after meeting one “soft”guy, is a farm girl at heart who wants to have ten children and a traditional wedding and quit her job to stay-at-home because reasons). To have an abortion. To continue not wanting children. To marry and divorce and still be a whole person. To have her years of sacrifice and hard work pay off with the biggest career glow-up. Sandra’s acting knocks it out of the park, too, there’s no contest. Also, for a “robot”, she has some of the most emotional, deep, telling scenes in the show! Taking care of Mer before the boards even if it might mean she’d get sick too? Her scene with George’s dad? Crying to Webber because she “lost her edge?” The “i’m free” scene? Talking about her father? Ugh, my heart! I placed her “low” (Still top ten female characters and top ten Grey’s characters tho) because, as amazing as she is, she also reminds me a lot of people that ruined my life or made it miserable. That sass and arrogance and and self-centered tendencies might be endearing in-character but irl, I’d suffer if I had to be around her. Also, because I’m too much a Mer stan (and I admit that this point is a total bias), I kinda still can’t let go of their fight in season 9 (when Mer had Bailey and Cristina felt left out and just... Was not nice about it). Humans make mistakes! She wasn’t 100% in the wrong! Mer said some crap too! But as I said, this is based on feelings more than fact and that one fight left me so uncomfortable and I felt Cristina crossed some really personally-important-to-me lines. Plus, there’s this glorification some things of her that just... Make me angry. This is coming from someone from a family with lots of doctors, who’s studying to be a doctor, who’s had all her teachers stop in class to beg us to ask for help and work on our mental health, whose choice in profession was the reason the university kick-started one of the country’s first mental health support system for students (that now includes all curses but was created for Med students): The profession is sick. Doctors are suicidal and overworked and unhealthy and tired and dropping dead like freaking flies, and that’s even worse in surgeons. My uncle (also a cardiologist, funnily enough) died at fifty from a heart attack because he worked himself to death. My aunt died from a manageable condition in a minor procedure because she let it go on to long before treating (working). My other aunt has lost many close doctor friends to heart problems. My cousin and another uncle are depressed. My sister almost developed a tachycardia from trying to stay awake using energetics during her residency. My class is all physically sick (I’m writting this from bed) because we’re so overwhelmed with a course that’s not only integral but demands so much, and we’re just students. A doctor in my city died with his son in a car crash that left his daughter severely injured and on the brink of death coming back from the beach in the middle of the night because he was going to be on-call!

(Had to split it in paragraphs bc tumblr) Two doctors under forty-five died from sudden heart failures from being over-worked this year! And that’s just in my city (which is not a big city! At all) ! And being like Cristina (obsessed, power-hungry, sleeping at the hospital, eating basically crap to save time, havingonly one really close friend to the point that when they fought, living at the hospital, feeling like surgery is the only thing that completed her) is a recipe to disaster. You know what the profession also is? Divided. From the society that some consider they are “a gift to” to other health professions that they put themselves on a pedestal away from and everyone else is inferior, and from themselves, students that sabotage each other or refuse to colaborate and thus create teams that don’t work together, doctors that don’t communicate, don’t appreciate each other’s specialties and knowledge and help. Cristina doesn’t meet all that criteria, but some really remind me of her. So it kills me when I hear people say she was the best doctor, because she reminds me of so much that’s just... Wrong, that I see everyday, and it frustrates me. That is incredibly personal, and applying too much of the optics of reality to the show, but it’s my truth, and no matter how iconic the character is, I can’t shake it off.

9 - Jo. Baby girl is so ready to take on the world! I said this in my “Meredith x People” post, but Jo reminds me a lot of Mer! Same fierceness, stubborness, same rough edges, talented, caring, protective. Love her and Camilla’s acting makes her one of the deepest, most fascinating characters, and her storylines tell so many important messages! I just... Don’t have a lot to say about her, now that I’ve come to think about it, I feel like she’s pretty self-explanatory. Loved her-centric eps!

10 - Erica. I didn’t understand then and don’t understand now why the fuck is there so much hatred for her! She stood up for her rights! She didn’t take Cristina’s crap like everyone else (Cristina has her quirks and was bound to meet someone with whom they clashed who wouldn’t stand for it! That happened to be Erica!) She was ethical! She was so sweet with Callie! She was a great doctor! She wanted the hospital to be great and was willing to work for it! I feel like the main factors in it are that back then we were told, through the narrative, that we should and we were all young so we accepted that, and because the actress isn’t one of those bombshell model-likr beauties. Had it been, like, Jessica playing her in a more recent season, I doubt she would be that hated! Anyhow, I miss her.

11 - Addison. She was so great! Maybe not my favorite, but she had great moments and was criminally underrated! Maybe one day her coming back won’t be a delusion and I’ll have more to say here. What I do have to say is that she can be another example of the “show’s mouthpiece”, at least in regards to Derek. Like, we have her come back to Seattle and promptly scream at Mer for “letting Derek go” like he was the best thing in the world (lmao) without even knowing what had happened when... In reality... She literally cheated because she felt neglected and forgotten in their marriage, had a talk to Mer where she learned Derek had hurt her too... It feels cheap and unauthentic and gets in the way of my immersion.

12 - April. I can feel the confusion at why she’s ranking so low, but... April never really spoke to me. She had good moments, she was sweet, a good doctor, had great relationships and went through bad things, but in none of those moments was I standing up on my seat like I was with others. She went through a journey like Arizona’s, to find herself after something terrible instead of to change who she was, but still she’s called “the biggest evolution” by some fans and I just... Don’t see that (maybe it’s because Sarah Drew got even prettier with time so it was a visual evolution). I like her well enough. Lets put it that way: I’d not be at all opposed if she came back into the show, but I’d be also disappointed it wasn’t some other character I love more. I widh he had gotten more of her, actually! I’d probably like her more! I wanted more developed relationships, like with Mer (we could have had it aaaaaaaalllll x3) or Owen (they were in a war zone together and we barely see the aftermath besides a couple scenes with her telling hima bt the baby and at her first wedding), maybe with Riggs and Alex and even more fleshing out of Japril instead of more drama! She’d feel more real and appealing. Plus her whole storyline with taking the position of head of surgery and switching sides after she’d been one of the main advocators for Webber, then refusing to acknowledge she might not have been the nicest for it, kinda threw me off a bit (not a lot, it just felt random? Like, didn’t feel like something she’d do, but I didn’t think I knew enough about her to say it wasn’t, for sure?).

13 - Izzie. Again, she never appealed to me personally. She had amazing moments, but they were just moments. Opening a multi-million dollar beneficiary clinic? Top shelf-good. But she also had bad moments and, more importantly, bad patterns. She judged and judged Mer’s inappropriate relationship, almost got to the point of talking about it around the hospital to get her in trouble, called her a slut basically to her face, and whined about George’s “too fast, not based on anything” relationship... But would not accept to be judged on her own, even more inappropriate (and illegal) and equally rushed relationship. She did not approve when someone made a decision that she would not have made. She berated Meredith’s and Cristina’s close friendship like she was entitled to the same treatment and like she also didn’t have a best friend. I was bored by her most of the times, angry others, and only rarely pleased/happy/empathetic with.

As you can see, I only dislike the very last place, and hate none, so go girls! Hope you liked this!

[rlc19]

Get to Know Me

Originally an ask thing, I’m turning this into a tag. So yeah. Here we go. Also, it’s a pretty decent size, so be prepared for that.

1) What images do you have set for your desktop/cell phone wallpapers?

A black backdrop on my laptop, and a witchy-looking bookshelf for my cellphone.

2) Have you ever had a crush on a teacher? 

Yes.

3) What was your last text message? 

“Hokay, see you soon!” to my roommate.

4) What do you see yourself doing in 10 years? 

I honestly don’t know. I would like to be a published author who sells reasonably well, but chances are I’ll either have found my way into teaching comparative religions or creative writing, or I’ll still be working for the same coffee shop chain.

5) If you could be anywhere else right now, where would you be? 

Real place? With Buddy.

Fictional place? Beacon Academy

6) What was your coolest Halloween costume?

A dark priest. Pretty generic tbh.

7) What was your favorite 90′s show?

Sabrina the Teenage Witch

8) Who was your last kiss?

I don’t honestly remember.

9) Have you ever been stood up?

No.

10) Favorite ice cream flavor?

Chocolate chip cookie dough.

11) Have you been to Las Vegas?

Yes, and I really want to go back.

12) Your favorite pair of shoes?

My combat boots.

13) Honestly, have you ever cheated on your significant other?

This question requires me to have been in a serious committed relationship at some point in my lifetime, so no, I have not.

14) What is your favorite fruit? Lemons.

15) Have you talked to anyone on tumblr that you could see yourself dating/having sex with? If possible?

I mean, I aggressively have feelings for Dylan.

16) Are you into hookups? Short or long term relationships?

Not into hookups, and definitely long term relationships.

17) Do you smoke? If so, what?

I do not, no.

18) What do you do to get over your anger?

Watch YouTube videos or a show that I love.

19) Do you believe in God? 

I do believe he exists, but I do not personally believe in him. My faith lies with the Gaulish deities.

20) Does the person you’re in love with know it?

I’m not in love with anyone, so no.

21) Favorite position?

Being horizontal, curled up against my body pillow. I don’t care if that’s not the answer you’re looking for, it’s the answer you’re getting. Moving right along.

22) What’s your horoscope sign?

Tropical Zodiac: I am a Sagittarius sun, Scorpio moon, Sagittarius rising.

Sidereal Zodiac: Ophiuchus. (I don’t know much about the Sidereal Zodiac, tbh).

23) Your fears?

Failure, the future, being stuck in the same job for an extended period without moving forward in my life, dying.

24) How many pets do you have? What kind?

1 asshole cat who I love dearly.

25) What never fails to turn you on?

Heterochromia and pillow-y man bosoms.

26) Your idea of a perfect first date?

I really want to have a picnic in the woods or by a lake on a slightly overcast day that’s like, 65 degrees, with maybe a slight breeze.

27) What is something most people don’t know about you?

The most calming sound to me is that of running water, such as fountains, waterfalls, and waves.

28) What makes you feel the happiest?

Spending time out and about in nature.

29) What store do you shop at most often?

Fry’s Food and Drug.

30) How do you feel about oral? Giving and/or receiving?

Idk bruh? Yeah, I don’t know, this would require experimentation I haven’t as of yet had the opportunity to participate in.

31) Do you believe in karma?

In something like it, yes.

32) Are you single?

Hella single.

33) Do you think flowers or candy are a better way to apologize?

Candy for apologies, although I’ll never say no to flowers either.

34) Are you a good swimmer?

Decent.

35) Coffee or tea?

Por que no los dos?

36) Online shopping or shopping in person?

For clothes and books, in person. For electronics, online.

37) Would you rather be older or younger than your current age?

If I had to pick one, younger.

38) Cats or Dogs?

Again, por que no los dos?

39) Are you a competitive person? Not generally, but I can be.

40) Do you believe in aliens?

Not particularly.

41) Do you like dancing?

Yes.

42) What kind of music do you listen to?

Quite a range of genres, ranging from country, to metal, to Celtic folk, to dubstep, to classical.

43) What is your favorite cartoon character?

Raven from the Teen Titans.

44) Where are you from?

Arizona.

45) Eat at home or eat out?

Eat at home.

46) How much more social are you when you’re drunk?

I’m not, I sleep or get really quiet in the corner.

47) What was the last thing you bought for yourself?

Dinner.

48) Why do you think your followers follow you?

Because they are my friends irl.

49) How many hours do you sleep at night?

On average, 8-9. It’s death, without the commitment.

50) What worries you most about the future?

The fact that I don’t know where I’ll be. I kind of failed at setting goals for myself up until this point, so currently it’s just a gray fog staring bleakly back at me until I figure out what I want to do with my life.

51) If you had a friend that spoke to you the same way you speak to yourself, how long would you be friends?

Not very long. I’m working on being nicer to myself, but I’m pretty hard on myself and pretty negative, so yeah.

52) Are you happy with yourself?

No, but I’m getting there, it’s something I’m actively working on.

53) What do you wish you didn’t know?

The Ouroboros story by Unsettling Stories. I really can’t do auto-cannibalism.

54) What big lesson could people learn from your life?

Your will to live is like Hope (the Hope trapped at the bottom of Pandora’s Box/Pithos), it cannot be taken from you, you must give it up freely yourself. And no matter what happens, if you trust in your will to live, you can survive.

55) If you could live in any home on a television series, what would it be?

The house from Charmed, I really want that kitchen.

56) What’s your favorite website?

YouTube.

57) What’s the habit you’re proudest of breaking?

Using fiction as an extended escapist retreat from reality. I still do use fiction as an escape, but not in an unhealthy manner like I had been.

58) What was your most recent trip of more than 50 miles?

To Phoenix to visit the Misty.

59) What’s the best bargain you’ve ever found at a garage sale or thrift store?

A copy of La Peau de chagrin by  Honoré de Balzac.

60) What do you order when you eat Chinese food?

Sweet and Sour Chicken, or Orange Chicken.

61) If you had to be named after one of the 50 states, which would it be?

Uhm...Maine?

62) If you had to teach a subject to a class, what would it be?

Mythology.

63) Favorite kind of chips?

Ruffles chips with ranch dip.

64) Favorite kind of sandwich?

Reuben.

65) Which do you use more often, the dictionary or the thesaurus?

Dictionary.

66) Have you ever been stung by a bee?

Nope.

67) What’s your favorite form of exercise?

Kickboxing.

68) Are you afraid of heights?

Heights? No. Falling? Yes.

69) What’s the most memorable class you’ve ever taken?

Advanced Fiction.

70) What’s your favorite breakfast?

Bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit.

71) Do you like guacamole?

Not particularly.

72) Have you ever been in a physical fight?

Yes.

73) What/who are you thinking about right now?

The fact that Kara Eberle and Jason David Frank are going to be at Phoenix Comicon, which I will be going to.

74) Do you like cuddling?

For the most part, yes.

75) Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?

OH YEAH, LIKE DON’T EVEN JOKE WITH ME ON THIS ONE. I mean, yeah, sure, maybe like one thing...

76) Have you ever experienced one of your biggest fears?

No, but I’ve come close. 

77) Favorite city you’ve been to?

Either Munich, a little medieval town in France that I cannot for the life of me remember the name of, or Anaheim.

78) Would you break the law to save a family member?

If it was my brother, sister-in-law, or niece, yes. Otherwise, no.

79) Talk about an embarrassing moment?

I haven’t really done anything SUPER embarrassing, just small stuff, so I don’t really have anything for you here.

80) Are there any causes you strongly believe in?

Equal rights for everyone, and saving plant and animal life.

81) What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

I melted the skin, tendons, and ligaments in my right hand when I was 4. I’m honestly lucky I still have the use of my right hand.

82) Favorite day of the week?

Friday, and not because it’s the last day of the work week. It’s the day when people are excited for the weekend, and it generally just has an overall more positive feel to it than other days of the week.

83) Do you consider yourself sexually open minded?

I would say so.

84) How do you feel about porn?

For the most part, I have positive feelings about it.

85) Which living celebrity would you like to know?

So, this is a hard question, and I don’t honestly know 100%, but I’ll say Ricky Martin.

86) Who was your hottest ex?

So, tbh, I don’t think any of my exes were “hot”, they were attractive but not “hot”. But to answer the question, I’ll say Austin.

87) Do you want/have kids?

No thank you.

88) Has anyone ever told you that they wanted to marry you?

Romantically, no.

89) Do you get easily distracted?

Yes, very easily.

90) Ass or titties?

Pillow-y man bosoms, 100%. But I wont’ say no to a nice ass, either.

91) What is your favorite word?

Kerfuffle.

92) How do you feel about tattoos?

I quite enjoy them.

93) Do you have any pets?

Please refer back to question 24.

94) How tall are you?

5′10″

95) How old are you?

22 years old.

96) 3 physical features you get complimented on a lot?

My eyes, my fingernails, the length of my fingers.

97) Is there anything you’re really passionate about? Literature, mythology, and religion.

98) Do you have trust issues?

Somewhat?

99) Do you believe in love at first sight?

No, I believe in lust at first sight.

100) What are some words that you live by? Why?

One life is all we have and we live it as we believe in living it. But to sacrifice who you are, and to live without belief, that is a fate more terrible than dying.

Because it’s a good reminder to live for yourself, not someone else.

 So yeah, there you go, 100 things to get to know me. I’m going to tag @rogue-one-drinks-coffee​, @fannibalgirl92​, @sassmastercrane​, and @dustychica​, and anyone else who wants to do the thing (but don’t feel like you have to).

[djsamaha-blog]

The 6 Things You Need To Do To Change Your Life In 2016

This is a brief snapshot of my last three years:

2013: Started the year as a Senior Director in Kraft Foods in New York; ended the year sleeping on the floor of a yoga ashram fifty miles from Madurai in a forest in South India.

2014: Started the year as an unpublished novelist with sixty rejections; ended the year with an international book deal with Penguin Random House.

2015: Started the year in my dream job as the Chief Marketing Officer of a Brooklyn based start-up; ended the year having quit the job to launch The Yoga of Maxs Discontent in the US and set up my independent income stream.

This isnt a humble-brag kind of a post. Theres no straight line of success here. Rather, its a series of starts and stops, a zig-zag line of coming more and more into myself, all of it predicated by a hunger to constantly re-invent. Re-invent. Build things, then tear them down, then build a new thing again, because stasis is not an option. If you arent moving forward, you are falling back. So if youre ready to embrace a little turbulence, and a lot of fear(that weird heady feeling of excitement in your gut), then this is your guide on how to re-invent yourself in 2016. Note, I wont tell you to exercise or meditate. You should do those everyday of course but they are enablers to the goal, not the goal itself. Dont put all your mental energy into running a 10K race. If your goal isnt so insurmountable that it slashes your insides, then its not a goal. So heres how to change your life:

1. Create (or at least to create).

If a mans life is measured by the extent of its impact on others, then dont push paper around. Create stuff thats going to enhance peoples lives. A product. An idea. Art. A book. A philosophy. A company. An agency. A new way of doing things in your job, whatever. The world will disproportionately reward the creator. Its simple supply-demand economics. 2% of people are creating art, 98% are consuming art (2001 census). 13% of people are entrepreneurs. 87% of people work for them. 10% of executives in a company create new systems, 90% follow them (Gallup). Be in the Top 2%, 10%, 13%, and get results ahead of the majority. And the results arent just financial. You lose your sense of self, experience an instant of divinity, become truly alive when you create. Stuck for ideas? Maybe its time for that long overdue sabbatical? Try it. Youll never regret it.

2. Kickstart yourside hustle.

Ive been in marketing roles with P&G, BCG etc. since 2002 so I can tell you with some confidence that the last 3-5 years are a watershed in business history. With Facebook advertising, Instagram advertising, and continued improvement in Search/Ad Words etc., you can reach the exact target audience for your passion product in incredibly cost efficient ways. Seven years ago when I launched my first novel, Keep off the Grass, my only option to reach my readers was to hire an expensive PR agency that begged media outlets for coverage. This year, when I launched The Seeker in India, I reached everyone who had read similar books at a fraction of the cost. Old models are changing. Barriers to entry are crashing. The balance of power is shifting to the Davids. If you have a passion for anything, photography, writing, playing the guitar, whatever, you have no excuses anymore. Start on the side today (2016), become excellent (2017), and youll start making good money off it in 2018 to quit your main gig in 2019. Work your guts out to become excellentthats the only requirement the world is placing on you today.

3. Read like a maniac.

Work in the morning, play with your kids in the evening, do your side hustle in the night, then from 10p.m.-midnight, read until your eyes burn. Dont read everything you can lay your hands on. Plant a seed in your mind and nurture that seed by ravishing it with the best ideas in the world. In 2015, I planted a seed in my head about creating my own independent income stream. So just like Id done in 2013 with meditation and 2014 with writing, I read 50+ books to nurture the idea. Here are 3 examples (until this year youd never have found non-fiction/self-help on my book shelf):

a. The Millionaire Fastlane (Horrible title, great book) b. The Art of Non Conformity c. Think and Grow Rich

I also readTim Ferriss’ Four Hour Work WeekandJames Altucher’s blogevery day,and I followGary Vaynerchuck on Youtube.

I don’tknow the exact impact of my reading. Perhaps I change 0.5% for every book I read. But thats the magic of compounding. If youre changing 0.5% each day, its going to add up at the end of the yearand your world will transform.

4. Avoid thebusy-ness trap.

Do you feel you are rushing too much? Or your schedule is so packed already that theres no time for a side hustle? Then, carefully scrutinize your day and ruthlessly eliminate the 80% of relationships that are adding <20% of emotional value to your life. If your stomach knots with dread but you feel you need to do something only because of social norm, then dont do it. Youre not helping anyonenot yourself, not the person youre supposedly doing things for. Remember, growth=number of difficult conversations youre having everyday. Have the tough conversations and eliminate the dross. Busy-ness is a choice. This year, I chose not to be busy by skipping happy hours and obligatory family events that leave me depressed. I still failed a few times and attended too many dinners I didnt want to go to. Im going to be even stricter with my time in 2016.

5. Become a venture-capitalist Monk.

Your side hustle is your passion. Your day job sucks. No big deal. Dont quit, dont complain. Become a venture capitalist, a Robin Hood for your own ideas. Make money in your day job and pour it into your side projects. Take the best writing course in the world if youre an aspiring writer. Advertise your wedding photography business. Take a week off and learn filmmaking in New York. Rent store space for your cupcake shop. Dont buy houses and cars and expensive dinners at Nobu or whatever else people burn their money on. Live like a monk. Strip your life of the non-essentials and seek salvation only in nurturing your soul. Everything else is dust as the Buddha would say. Invest in your own growth because you are the one asset thats going to appreciate year-after-year no matter the economic environment.

6. Finally, train yourself to think only exceptional thoughts.

Nietzsche and Victor Frankl said it best. To live is to suffer and your suffering is like air in a balloonit will fill your whole heart. You can either fill your heart with mediocre thoughts like and and . Or you can pause and torment yourself with bigger thoughts, such as:Why was the world created? Does God exist? How do I live my purpose? Can I step up my side hustle? Exceptional thoughts lead to exceptional actionsand nothing less shouldbe your goal next year!

Read more: http://thoughtcatalog.com/karan-bajaj/2016/01/the-6-things-you-need-to-do-to-change-your-life-in-2016/