fuckyeahasexual

[fuckyeahasexual]

what would the world be like if aroace was the norm and wanting sex and relationships was considered the outlier?

I’ll go first

I think, obviously, buddy comedies would be the go-to movie plot choices instead of romcom.

[fuckyeahasexual]

this lip balm from trader joes

Amazing

[fuckyeahasexual]

The first asexual person I met outside of the internet was a 65 year old woman.

I’d been interning with her as an artist/executive assistant for some time. To put a long story short she’d developed a tremor that kept her from doing a certain amount of studio work, so in between sending emails and invoices for her I’d chip in and help with line art or drafting on longer projects. A lot of it was the two of us sitting in her basement studio, doing our own thing, waiting for the phone to ring. We got to talking a lot. I’d just moved across the country and was still finding my footing.

There was a handyman she had over occasionally — he was a personal friend who enjoyed her company more than she enjoyed his. She didn’t dislike him by any means, but he definitely had feelings for her that she didn’t reciprocate. One day, after he’d come over to repair something-or-other and left, she and I started talking about relationships.

She asked if I had a boyfriend. I told her I wasn’t interested in being in a relationship with anyone and that I’d never had a desire to be in a relationship. Admittedly, I was bracing for the “You’ll meet the right person someday” response. I knew it generally came from a place of care, but it never changed how much I dreaded to hear it. I really respected my mentor and I was prepared to nod along to whatever response she gave me. Instead of anything I expected her to say, she just kind of nodded and said, “Me neither. I think I’m — what’s the term — asexual?”

I was ecstatic. I told her I was asexual, too. I saw her sigh in relief, the same way I did. I couldn’t believe it.

We didn’t get much work done that day, we just started talking about our experiences. She’d been married once when she was younger and even during that period of her life her disinterest in a sexual relationship didn’t change. She had a roommate after graduating college who confessed to having feelings for her and she had to tell her “It’s not that I don’t like girls, it’s that I don’t like anybody.” The roommate harbored enough bitterness over this that they had to split ways. Her mother told her that she would quote “rather have a gay daughter than a daughter who didn’t fancy anyone at all” unquote.

I didn’t have nearly as many experiences as she did, but I was able to share my own for the first time. I shared how it was easier to say I was taking time to work on myself than to say I had no interest in being in a relationship. We talked about the words “You’ll meet the right person someday” and “You’ll know when you’re in love” and “Don’t worry, one day you’ll meet some guy that changes everything.” As if something was broken.

“I’ve been alive for sixty five years,” my mentor told me, “and I’ve never felt like I was missing something, even if everybody told me I was.”

Currently, my mentor lives with her parrot, her cats, and her backyard-wildlife pals in a house that she owns. She makes art and hosts community art groups and volunteers at care homes and is the most self-fulfilled woman I’ve ever met. And she loves her life. She loves the people she knows and they love her, too. If I could be half as cool as she is when I grow up, I think that’d be pretty amazing.

“Asexuality” isn’t a problem to be fixed or a phase to grow out of. Sometimes you’re fifteen and sometimes you’re sixty-five. I knew in my heart that older asexual people existed but it changed me completely to meet one. We were here before and we always will be.

[fuckyeahasexual]

Reblog if you think asexuality is a real thing that actually exists.

I'm trying to prove something.

[fuckyeahasexual]

I ❤️ queerplatonic ships. They’re not lovers. They’re something more ☝️

[fuckyeahasexual]

an aspec just minding their business: I sure do wish fandom explored more things that aren’t romantic or sexual-

approximately every allo under the sun about to explain how someone not making something about romance or sex for 0.3 seconds is puritan and personally oppressing them:

[fuckyeahasexual]

functionally what is the difference between a queerplatonic relationship and a romantic, but asexual, relationship?

also, "one is romantic and one is platonic" is a non-answer and not rlly helpful. thank you

[fuckyeahasexual]

I think aroaces get to have such a unique experience which is platonic pining.. ever wanted to be someones friend again so badly it hurts?

[fuckyeahasexual]

behold: my first attempt at animation:

Our motto is "love is love" but as someone who's aroace, sometimes it feels as though that only refers to romance. Here's a reminder that platonic love can be just as or more important for some people! <3

[fuckyeahasexual]

Thinking about that time I didn't know "eating ass" was a sexual thing and had this conversation with a group of people:

Would you rather eat a guys or a girls?

I dont care.

OK but say you had to choose, which one?

It doesn't matter.

So you're saying you wouldn't at all?

Of course I would, it's a choice cut of meat, I'm not going to throw it away. Doesn't matter who it comes from, it all probably cooks the same.

*que silent horrified stares*

Bro what the fuck???

We're we not talking about cannibalism??

NO???

[fuckyeahasexual]

Asexual femme who wears a bikini thinking 'wait is this too much?' x 'wow she's hot' asexual femme

[fuckyeahasexual]

saying i'm aroace knowing damn well i have hardcore attachment issues to anyone i talk to💔💔💔

[fuckyeahasexual]

happens to the best of us

[fuckyeahasexual]

Guys, my friend (who I highly suspect is also aroace) just said "Yes! I can't stand the kind of musicals where it's just some guy and some girl pining after each other and singing love ballads, I need at least a little bit of murder" when I mentioned Little Shop of Horrors and I couldn't relate more

[fuckyeahasexual]

Ann Zhao, Dear Wendy

[fuckyeahasexual]

I used to be active in the asexual "community" on here back when I came out a decade ago when I really needed that. Then, as my experiences and needs changed, I stayed on the sidelines.

More and more, I'm running into people who don't seem to use the vocabulary around attraction that I got used to and actually identify with strongly.

I'm trying to identify if this is coincidental or if this is talked about differently nowadays.

For the purpose of this poll: - please only vote if you're a-spec - there is no "allo/see results" option due to lack of space, please be patient and respectful of this, especially as this may not get many votes and I want to hear from my community. - "to be in the community" is used as an umbrella word for any amount of time you've spent as an activist, and/or meeting other a-spec individuals, and/or actively learning about the language...

*For example: the version you use/know doesn't stop at these four options, as it also includes intellectual attraction, and/or platonic attraction, and/or... etc.

I hope this roughly covers the main possibilities - I ran out of space!

This model still makes a lot of sense to me and to how I describe my experience. I have encountered people who either didn't know it at all (and yet seemed to need something akin to it!) or used it but with more options, oftentimes differing from person to person, which made me feel unsure about whether to apply them to myself.

If this poll makes sense to you - reblogs, as well as any response are appreciated!

[fuckyeahasexual]

The Ninth Doctor is Romantically in love with Rose and nothing is around that disproves that.

Next on my list of my journey of “just deal with whatever is out there with River in it” was Swipe Right with the Ninth Doctor. The one that was infamously used to argue that Nine is fully aroace and therefore Ninerose can’t be a ship. Well, now that I’ve listened to the whole thing I can give a more educated rebuttal.

Before I get into spoilers, I will repeat what I said previously. Asexuality is a spectrum. Not everyone who is acespec is completely without the potential for romantic and/or sexual feelings. It’s just markedly different to how allosexual people experience them. I do think most people on here know this. But it’s important to remember. Every incarnation of the Doctor does seem to be somewhat acespec. That does not mean that Nine feeling zero attraction to River proves he is all the way on the end of the spectrum to where attraction to anyone is impossible. Demisexuality is very plausible here for Nine specifically since Nine at this point never allowed himself to get remotely close to anyone. In general the Doctor is pretty much always grey ace or Demi! Even with Ten David Tennant points out in an interview how most of the kissing was not initiated by Ten and how it’s not usually a sexual thing for him. Emphasis on usually. So if we can accept that Ten was acespec but clearly romantically in love with Rose then it’s the same for Nine.

Spoilers below for a more in depth rebuttal

The story is about a planet where a robot named the matchmaker has taken over society and kills people if they don’t find a partner. Both the Doctor and River show up to investigate. The Doctor tries to legally match up with an asexual woman so she’s not murdered but can’t because River has tampered with the computer system so it shows her as his wife and makes him unavailable to anyone else. When the Doctor rejects her, River is very offended and upset the whole time. He is very adamant he’s not interested in being her wife and doesn’t like how she waters down the word and masquerades as such. Asking “do you know what that word means”. Later on, the Doctor tries to make the robot scan the asexual woman and recalculate whether a partner would make her more productive. It doesn’t work because she’s alloromantic. River says it’s the Doctor it has to scan because he’s the one with no romantic feelings whatsoever. He agrees. It scans her. It works. The robot shuts itself down.

But here’s the thing. The robot was taking a moment to moment scan. In that moment the Doctor had no strong memories or current feelings of romantic or sexual love. That does not disqualify someone from being Demi or Grey Ace. It was a moment in time. Him having no attraction to River whatsoever does not prove he is Aroace in the sense of being someone who will never experience sexual or romantic attraction. It just proves he didn’t feel those things for River. Having a stranger tag you as their wife in a database and get mad you’re not happy about it is really quite the ick regardless of sexuality anyway.

The most important thing is that there are discussions of Acespec labels for the woman who was being helped. But Nine NEVER claims any label. It’s River who does that for him.