#may this next year around the sun bring him amazing things and great health

[downtherabbitholewithlucy]

HAPPY durTHDAY FRED!

Fred Durst - Born August 20th, 1970

[mintseesaw]

northeast monsoon

pairing: god!jungkook x goddess!reader genre: fantasy, smut, slight angst, soulmate!au word count: 3.7k warnings: mature content, unprotected sex, brief mentions of the character’s health conditions, cursed!reader, son of the deity jungkook // 18+ summary: Jungkook, not out of ordinary, decided to celebrate his 24th birthday in his favorite place on earth, the closest place to heaven—on a mountain summit. However, even before he reaches the highest peak of the mountain range, he was trapped, enthralled, and coincidentally found his true nature.

note: the idea occurred to me earlier while i was at work yesterday used jk’s birthday as an excuse to pursue it and ignore my 36433 wips and drabble requests; short, steamy and a literal filth bc it’s unedited

Jungkook was lost.

His birthday seems to carry the bad luck today. His very first misfortune in his two year experience of mountain hiking. The moment he stepped foot on the soil of mountain range marks the start of a weird feeling sitting at the pit of his something. That he refused to acknowledge  because nothing bad happened to him before.

When they visited the homes of the natives on the foothill of the mountain to pay respect as inhabitants of the ancestral domain, the chieftain’s storytelling of the mountain’s cursed guardian sounded incredulous. He didn’t take it seriously nor think of it as a warning. He didn’t understand why the indigenous leader felt the need to tell them a folklore causing a delay on their activity.

Amongst the group of civilian trekkers, he was the only one who skipped the supposed ritual of spitting to the soiled ground and drawing a cross on foot on the same spot before entering the premises passed the small village. It was said to reverse the effect of any potential supernatural force against them.

Approximately 45 minutes after they started their trail onto the summit, he caught a swarm of fireflies flocking on a trunk of a humongous tree, seemingly in its hundred years of existence or more. But it wasn’t the insects that prompted him to stop and admire the view. It was the rare glow surrounding the tree that did. In his great fascination, he even loudly shared his discovery to the group. Their disinterest to the majestic tree dismayed him. Are they blind or something? It’s not everyday that they get to admire such beauty. For a solid few minutes, he was left dazed, stunned to see a tree before his eyes just like the one he had seen recently in a fantasy drama where there existed witchcraft and wizardry.

He’s not dreaming, is he?

When he finally snapped out of his reverie, the group was no longer in sight, leaving him there standing alone. At least, there’s a trace of footprints he could use to follow their tracks.

In silence, Jungkook couldn’t help but think back of the past, and the last bit memory he remembers when he woke up in a hospital bed with no recollection of his identity.

Four years ago, he was met with a major car accident with its impact resulting to hundreds of stitches in his chest, the only hideous scar he obtained after he was said to be hospitalized for a month. He not only developed a heart condition but was also diagnosed with a retrograde amnesia. He believes that his inability to recall his past memory marked the start of his vivid dreams occurring every night. Still, he was lucky enough to have his body remain in the best condition despite the lasting emotional and physiological damages it left him.

The endless dreams of mountains and forests led him to discover his fondness in scenery and the constant sense of emptiness becoming difficult to ignore. His newly found obsession with nature was enough to convince himself to start trekking, particularly mountains. Strange enough, he found the solitary in mountain peaks, of the scenery, and the cold climate in summits.  He found a temporary peace in the closest place to heaven from the constant ache that each of his bizarre dreams left his heart bruising.

It was not only his dreams that he finds peculiar. Although his mother had reminded him numerous times that it was his adolescent self who developed a liking to tattoos, he didn’t know what occurred to him in his teens to consider inking his body with unrecognizable symbols that even with a brief searching in google couldn't provide him what the underlying significance each mark carries.

Few minutes later, he found himself stopping at the same spot where he had taken his time admiring the tree. He didn’t know how it happened when he was only following the remnants of the collective footpath on the ground. If he perceived the situation odd, he didn’t acknowledge it until the third time he came back on the same spot, same view.

The fact that he’s always has this great sense of remembering directions whether it be in the road or in mountains, makes the situation even weirder. For the nth time, he took a glance at his wristwatch. A groan resonated through the eerie silence in the midst of the forest. He’s been walking in circles for almost two hours now.

The group might have been halfway through the summit at this point. The trail takes about 4-5 hours and he’s far behind them now. With a heavy heart, he decided to return back to the foothill.

The sun is at its highest peak above the sky, amplifying the dryness of his mouth from the heat of noon. Yet, he couldn’t bring himself to drink the remaining content in his flask.

The gust of wind brought by the monsoon is somehow mixing up his sense of direction. Some may find it strange, but he could feel the presence of wind oddly stronger than other human beings. Out of the ordinary, he could sense where the wind came from just by the mere blow of breeze passed his skin. Right now, he couldn’t put his extraordinary ability into good use because even with his attempt to go back down, he keeps returning to the same location.

Jungkook is lost. Somewhat, he’s trapped.

Now more than ever, he’s almost convinced some being invisible to the naked eye is playing him around. Jungkook lowered his rucksack on the ground, and started pacing back and forth as he tried to figure out how he’ll reverse the imaginary spell.

Even with the time passing by, the fireflies remained there, swimming around the trunk like they own it. If he’s trapped, someone or something might be responsible for this. Whether or not these stupid supernatural creatures are true, he needs to get out of here.

His foot stopped mid-step and fixated his glare at the old tree. What else would prove the peculiarity of the situation other than the mythical personified before his eyes.

“Come on, take back whatever spell you��ve casted on me. I’m not gonna destroy your home. This is an order, you devious creature.” Jungkook reprimands sarcastically as if the poor, ginormous tree can understand him in the human language.

There was nothing significantly remarkable about it if not only for the fairy dust-like glimmers surrounding it.

However, to his surprise, he suddenly hears the rustles of the leaves and cracks of branches echo through the stillness in the air as they pliantly bend over. He could feel the shiver run through his spine as he gathered what was happening to the tree. It is bending, its crown slightly crouched in front of him as if it was bowing down.

Jungkook staggers back in utter astonishment.

What the fuck is this sorcery? Is he dreaming?

He blinks furiously, trying to deduce the realness of the scene in front of him.

Soon after, he felt another surge of force-like brush of the wind against his skin, kindling tingles and goosebumps to appear on his skin. Dust swirls like a whirlpool in the air as weightless dead leaves harshly dance above the ground before they fall back down. To make things more incredulously mad, out of nowhere, a blinding form comes into sight near the trunk.

As its gleam dies down, the next thing his eyes have captured is the most enchanting being he has ever seen in his life.

A goddess.

She leans forward, her shimmering palm rubbing up and down on the rough texture of the trunk, as if the bewitching creature is consoling the seemingly submissive native species. Whether or not the goddess is upraising its spirit, he couldn’t be sure.

In quiet amazement, he watches the beauty just a few meters away from him while his presence remains hidden. Long silky hair in beautiful waves flowing with its end touching her lower back. It’s shade resembles that of the dead leaves with seemingly fresh petals and leaves decorated as accessories on her hair. Almost brandishing her as a forest goddess. With her side facing his front, Jungkook could clearly see the swell of her breasts with her thick locks keeping her peaks hidden like an enthusing mystery.

As if abiding by whatever the goddess had said, the crouched tree slowly returns back to its natural form. And just as the goddess turns her back at him, ready to vanish into the thin air, he scurried forward.

“Wait!” Jungkook shouts, hurriedly calling their attention despite hardly recovering from the peculiarity of the scene in front of him.

You only responded with a side glance, just enough to see him in your peripheral vision.

Jungkook took it as his cue to garner more of your attention, “You’re a goddess?” He says with his tone clearly filled in awe.

As if his naive question took you by surprise, you whirled around. When you did, it was like there was an invisible electrifying sensation that struck him the moment your eyes landed on him. The tremor of sparks immediately radiating in his body.

She’s such an exquisite sight, Jungkook gawked. Cting you as his example, none of the illustrations he’d seen on the internet had given justice just how beautiful goddesses are in real life. In real life! 

When you spoke for the first time since you appeared in his vision, he was quickly snapped out of daze.

“You can see me? How… you mortals do not have the ability to see us.” You say breathlessly, bewildered to have met the eyes of a mortal for the first time since time immemorial. No living mortal can and will see you, unless you have opted to be seen.

Jungkook’s mouth parted. You said no affirmation. Yet, the way you addressed him as a mortal only meant one thing.

“You’re really a goddess!” He exclaims, still stunned.

“Go back to the land. The fairies will guide you the way.” You said with a simple directness, having no intention to unravel the mystery of his identity and why he seemed to carry power in him. Just as you uttered those words, the fairies appeared from the crown of the tree.

“No, wait! I’m not gonna leave until you answer my questions.”

Your head shook and with firm persistence, you say, “I am no guardian of a mortal like you. Leave the mountain before another fairy casts a spell on you. If that happens, you will never return to your home.”

Jungkook held his arms out. “I’m not here to harm anyone or anything.”

As the wind continues to swirl around the two of you, the long locks of your hair resting over your chest continue to sway pliantly in the wind’s direction.

At some point, Jungkook caught a vaguely familiar mark decorated on your skin just below your shoulder blade. On the same spot of one of his marks which mirrors yours.

“I am the guardian of this shelter and supernatural beings that live here. I cannot fill your curiosity nor have the power to keep you safe against them.”

Jungkook could perfectly hear you, but his focus had zeroed in to your shoulder. To see the exact resemblance of his mark on yours is a different story. You’re wrong, definitely wrong because you are the answer to his dreams.

Jungkook suddenly peels off his waterproof jacket while dragging his feet toward your direction.

The swell of your breasts entice him almost too painfully that his cock twitches from the mere sight of your glowing skin in complete nudity. As if they were inviting his palms to touch them. And even with your orbs glinting with subtle surprise, your face remained expressionless.

Why, he finds it fascinating. You have bewitched him!

Your confusion only lasted for a couple seconds until the last layer of fabric was taken off of his upper body. But it was replaced by a thunder striking discovery, gasping as your eyes landed on the flesh-colored, slit-like scar on his chest similar to that of the Deity’s symbol. Lightning bolt.

Jungkook met your eyes, thinking you’ve already recognized the identical marking on his skin.

When he parts his mouth to speak, you beat him to it.

“You’re not a mortal.” You revealed, still astounded.

“W-What?” Jungkook stopped in his tracks.

It couldn’t possibly be. The children of the Supreme Deity are no mortals. The God of the sea, the Ruler of the stars and moon, the Owner of the soon, the twin Gods of love and beauty, the Prince of the earth and the deity’s successor, and the missing guardian of the wind have no mortal blood. That you’re certain of. But the missing god... does it mean he’s the missing guardian of the wind?

Your gaze sifts through the generous amount of inks on his arms where the secrets of his power lie beneath the layer of the markings. The God of love have revealed this to you once several years when you dared question the reason why his body is decorated of inks, unlike other gods you have seen.

When your eyes shifted upward to his shoulder blade, you felt your heart tightens in an almost unbearable grip for the first time since the Deity has cursed you.

“Soulmate,” you reveal for the second time.

Jungkook’s eyes went round. “S-Soulmate?” He stutters.

You reach out and touch the ink of your bond on his skin. And just like that, Jungkook visibly shudders at the minimal contact.

Your eyes glossy from moisture. “I’ve been waiting for you.” You confessed.

He took one bold step forward, cupping your elegant face in his palms.

“Heavens, you’re so beautiful. How could I possibly believe that I’m rewarded with a soulmate like you? Tell me, I’m not dreaming.” He says with wonder glinting in his eyes.

He inches his face closer until your noses are touching. “If I only knew you’re waiting for me, I should’ve come here sooner when I began having those weird dreams. Fuck, let me kiss you, princess.” He groans, unable to wrap his head around with the revelation. He still has yet to ask what you meant when you said he’s not a mortal, but right now, he doesn’t care what his true identity is.

He needs to taste you.

And so he did, capturing your mouth in a flash, and taking your breath away as he pushes his tongue into the caverns of your mouth.

“So sweet,” he murmurs against your mouth. “You taste so sweet, princess.”

But the moment was cut short as he felt a searing pain in his chest. He jerks back as his body contorts in agony.

Jungkook hisses as the pain all too quickly rushes in his blood, the sensation numbing his entire body. With his eyes clenched tightly shut, he failed to witness the glow beginning to exude from each ink on his arms, the most vibrant glimmer coming from the mark on his chest that symbolizes his birthright.

His power is trying to rouse back through his mortal senses. Your glimmering fingers cautiously graze the bond on his skin, exploring the effect of your touch to him. 

The tingles that radiate through his veins left him whimpering and wanting more, more of it to distract him from the unbearable ache.

“Please touch me…” He writhes, sharply drawing a breath in and out.

You lower your head and let your mouth touch the bond. A ripple of tingles slither through him almost instantly, involuntarily making him shiver from the newfound sensation. He could feel the rush of blood going straight to his cock inside his pants. He needs more.

As if you heard his silent pleas, your tongue darts out of your mouth, swirling around the spot to soothe his aches. Jungkook’s hands curl over your back, closing the distance between your bodies, leaving no way for him to not feel your breasts on his chest. In daze, he looked heavenward, mouth parted back as gasps proceeded to stumble out of his mouth deliriously. With the pain drowned by the pleasure that your sensual licks carry, he tears your mouth off of his skin just to crash his mouth to yours in a searing kiss.

He lets his instincts rule him out, and there’s one thing he wants more than anything else than to permanently mark your body his, to seal the bond that will eternally link your souls together.

“I need you so much, Princess. Tell me you want this, too. Otherwise I’ll leave and will never bother you, again.” He says in a whisper against the corner of your mouth.

The harmless threat of his words stirs alarm in you, giving him the answer he wants to hear almost instantaneously. “I’m yours, please have me. Do as you wish to my body.”

He groans, loving the way you call him yours. “Jungkook,” he whispers against the plump skin of your glowing cheek, “Say it. Say my name, Princess.” He demands softly.

“Jungkook,” you utter breathlessly.

His chest vibrated as the growl rang through the emptiness of the forest. “Fuck, you’re so perfect, my goddess.”

Jungkook sweeps you off in his arms, and with a few, calculated steps, he laid you over his thrown jacket on the ground. Another groan tears out of him just as he parted your legs, with your bare, leaking center exposed right before his hooded eyes.

Unceremoniously, he braced himself on top of you, sucking the raven mark on your skin. His fully aroused member is freed with a pop of his button and a one forceful pull of the waistband of his trousers.

He wasted no more passing second and impulsively align the red tip of his mad cock on your entrance. With a calculated thrust of his hips, he sinks his member to your warm tightness, releasing a heavy sigh in relief as the heat of your hole equally envelops all throughout his body despite the chills brought by the gust of the wind.

Jungkook catches one of your peaks with his mouth as you get lost to the heat of the intimacy. He didn’t know if goddesses such as his enchanting soulmate can conceive like mortals do or if there are other methods to reproduce but it’s never a waste of his fluid to try and test the theory. After all, if your words bear truth, he may not be a human like what he actually thought he was.

Your heavenly mewls coax him to penetrate in you deeper, until your cries have intensified and your body writhes helplessly beneath him.

With each roll of his hips colliding against your pelvis, your delightful cries have become more profound, unrestrained, enough to flare warmth right straight to his abdomen. Jungkook rests his forehead just below your temple, murmuring sweet confessions to you, the owner of his soul and inevitably soon, his heart.

He guided your legs around his waist, giving him the access to ruthlessly pound into you deeper. And then something snaps out from him.

All the gentleness of his movements have evolved into something more carnal—feral, manifesting the strength of his true nature.

God of the wind, son of the Supreme Deity. The longer his body connects with your immortal form, the luminescence emitting on his skin becoming more vivid.

“Jungkook!” Another scream tears out of you. Tears cascading from your eyes from both pain and pleasure.

With his godly powers spurring during the intimate joining of your bodies, his strength turns more powerful that no human would possibly ever survive from. You could never match the godliness of a deity’s son, but your supernatural strength was able to neutralize the surge of his energy and entwines the intensity with yours.

The God of the wind continues to rock you closer and closer to the end, with the thought of his future with you, you carrying his children, you and no one else.

He senses the buildup tension in your stomach with your head tossing restlessly from side to side.

And in a suck of your bond with his mouth and a flick of your bud in your center, you exploded so powerfully around his cock. Jungkook chases his end while the rush of your euphoria continues to spark in your veins, giving your body an exceptional glow.

He reaches the peak of pleasure with an animalistic growl reverberating on his chest, locking your hips immobile to make sure your walls greedily take in every drop of his cum. He’d want to breed you with his children.

“My sweet goddess, you’re amazing.” He praises, nuzzling on the thick, wavy locks of your hair.

Jungkook didn’t miss the squeeze of your palm on his waist. He let your wandering hands trace the length of his body. But he pulls away when you spoke.

“Will you leave me after this?” There is sadness hinted at the tone of your voice.

He tilted your chin up with his fingers, studying your features. “Of course not, how can you say that?”

You smile weakly, the grief dancing in your eyes making his chest tightens. “I’m not as powerful as you are. You are the son of the deity, you can… reject our bond and choose any goddess as you wish. Whereas, I only have one eternal soulmate and that’s you. But…”

Even with the truth unraveling right before him, he could only focus on your grief. Why is someone as perfect as you hold so much moroseness in your heart?

“But?”

“This mountain is my world. I’m eternally cursed to guard this shelter.” Your lips quiver in fear. His thumb grazes your lower lip as his arm tightens over your back. The tale told by the chieftain crosses his mind. The cursed guardian is you.

“Oh princess, do you think anything else will convince me to live without you in my life? I’ll be wherever you need me to be. Goddess or not, I will never let you out of my sight forever.” He vows, sealing the promise of eternity with a power-clashing kiss.

mintseesaw © 2020

[saeyoungchoivibes]

Hello~ Not sure if you've already done one, but may I request a day at the beach with the RFA? ^^

This is very cute!  I’m not sure if you meant all together with them at the beach or individual relationship headcanons with each of them, so in the spirit of what I usually do on this blog, i’ll do the latter!  These all take place post game, ofc

Zen

Before either of you even step foot on sand, he’ll make sure you’re both lathered head to toe in sunscreen ( “Early prevention is key to avoiding wrinkles!” he’ll exclaim, and you’ll laugh at how that’s his motivation for sunblock as opposed to trying to avoid burning or even skin cancer.)

He goes to the beach in style: umbrellas, chairs, cooler packed with healthy snacks and beer.  He’d also definitely set an alarm every fifteen minutes reminding him to flip himself as he tans, sans sunglasses

You’ll try and drag him to come swim with you, but he won’t go into water deeper than his ankles

“Salt water is so drying!  It’s bad for my skin!”

That said, he would never turn down the perfect photoshoot opportunity that the beach presents (for you and him).  He’s sure to get all the best angles and even splash some of that terribly drying ocean water on himself to really glisten in the sun (Edward Cullen is that you?)

He puts his rat tail up into a bun as well.  He can’t run the risk of salt water getting into his hair and damaging it even the slightest.  He’s also definitely wearing some sort of large sunhat for maximum protection.

Basically, a beach day with Zen is pretty high maintenance, and if he gets recognized on the beach, in a swimsuit, then it becomes everything short of a fiasco

BUT on a more relaxed trip to a far less populated beach, he’s definitely going to stroll with you down the shore, hand in hand, until you watch the sun set together.  Because that’s another great photo opportunity!

Yoosung

You’re the one who has to make him put the sunscreen on.  He hates the feeling of it and would honestly rather burn

Beach outings with Yoosung are few and far in between. He’s a student (meaning his only downtime is spent with you or playing LOLOL and not taking trips or vacations anywhere), and if he does get the time to spend with you, he’d rather spend it cuddling on your couch watching a movie together or making you dinner.  That means the times that you do go, you both try to make it as fun as possible.

He packs a cooler of food that he made for the two of you.  It’s usually just sandwiches and salads, but everything tastes so much better when it’s made by him (and you like giving him an excuse to eat more than cup ramen, mostly out of concern for his health)

If the water is cold, he’s not touching it, but even if it’s warm, he won’t dare go farther in than his knees.  He says it’s because he doesn’t like the way salt water makes his skin feel, but you’re convinced he’s afraid of the ocean.

Instead of doing much swimming, your beach days consist of sandcastle building competitions, burying each other in the sand, or seeing who can dig the deepest hole

Yoosung would also definitely try to find as many crabs as he could to add to his sandcastle (”They’re guarding the gate!”)

By the end of the day, both of you are tinted pink and exhausted, but it’s always worth the extra effort and the trip

Jaehee

She plans a whole itinerary for your day for “maximum enjoyment” out of the trip.  Of course, since she’s not one to ever take a vacation day, going to the beach takes weeks of asking and prodding.  She decides that if she’s going to take the day off, she’s going to do it right.

You manage to convince her to get rid of the itinerary because it’s meant to be a day of relaxation.  You’re her conscience when it comes to enjoying herself and letting her hair down; sometimes, you just have to remind her to go with the flow.

One thing she will not let go of, however, is reapplying sunscreen every two hours (every 90 minutes if either of you go into the water!)

You set up your area, covering the ground with towels and throwing up two umbrellas.  She makes sure to hide any valuables such as your phones and car keys.

The first thing you both do is hit the water (you’re at the beach after all) and you race to see who can reach the sandbar first (hint: it’s her every single time)

You both like to spend some time out there; it’s a little quieter than the main portion of the beach and less populated with children

When you decide you’ve had enough of the water and the sun, you both settle in and read in the shade of your umbrellas.  Almost always, Jaehee will end up dozing off in the warmth, and as the sun shifts, you make sure to adjust her umbrella so that she’s never in direct sunlight

At the end of the day, you can tell she’s more relaxed and rejuvenated, and though she puts up a fuss every single time you ask her to take a day off, she always lets you know how much she appreciates spending that time with you

Jumin

You want to go to the beach? He’s hesitant at first of taking a day off, but the idea of spending a day lounging in the sun with you in a tiny bathing suit has him calling his connections to secure a private beach at a resort for the two of you to use

He scoffs at the idea of putting sunblock on because he thinks he’s above getting sunburned.  The following week of rubbing aloe onto his entire body quickly makes him change his tune.

He will not touch the ocean water (”It’s nature’s bathroom, MC.  That water is disgusting.”) but will happily watch you swim around from the shore.  You look amazing while doing so, after all, in the bathing suit that he picked out for you.

Has a security guard or two watching from the resort beach bar or pool as insurance; you appreciate that they’re not so close that they’re suffocating your day with Jumin.

A day at the beach with Jumin involves a lot of lounging underneath the umbrellas drinking fancy cocktails (for you, at least.  Jumin is much more inclined to sip a glass of expensive rosé) from the resort bar

He has someone bring out lunch for the two of you to enjoy on the beach, but makes a reservation at the resort restaurant for your dinner.  He brought a lovely cover up for you to wear.

The beach is far from Jumin’s favorite place to be; it’s hot, it’s sticky, and he’ll be finding sand in his belongings for days to come.  But he notices how you light up in the warmth of the sun and how much fun you have swimming in the waves and he can’t help but think about the next time you’ll both come back.

Saeyoung

He LOVES the beach and everything about it, so when you suggest a beach holiday, he’s more than happy to indulge

Surprisingly good about putting sunscreen on before you get to the beach, but will refuse to get out of the water or stop what he’s doing just to “reapply” (which he claims is a practice he doesn’t believe in.  You know he’s joking, but… what?)

Nothing will stop him from diving into the water, even if you’re slowly wading in because of the freezing temperatures.  More often than not, he’ll swim up to you underneath the surface and drag you right in with him.

He forgot to bring your lunch (”But I brought Honey Buddha Chips, so it’s basically the same thing!”) but of course he could never forget the giant bag of sandcastle building supplies/snorkeling gear!

He’ll definitely request that you bury him under the sand, mermaid style, but then he overhears a few kids claiming that they’re going to make the “best and biggest sand castle in the world!” and he immediately has to prove them wrong.

“Saeyoung, they’re, like, eight-years-old!” “The world isn’t fair, and they need to know it.  I’m going to make the best an biggest sand castle in the world.”

Saeyoung’s good at a lot of things, but sandcastle building is definitely not one of them.  You can’t tell whether it’s Ironic or not, but this man truly cannot build a structurally sound sandcastle to save his life. When you tease him about it, he digs a huge hole instead and sulks in it.

He gets burned extremely quickly, and while he refuses to let you reapply, he’s more than happy to be massaged with aloe and lotion on the beach and for the following week.

[nerdzzone]

Light After Dark: Chapter Six

Summary: Brooke Harris was trying her best to be grateful. As the world tackled the COVID-19 pandemic, she was healthy and safe and so was the rest of her family, but her dreams had very quickly been crushed by the economic fallout. Trapped on the quaint island of Jersey with nothing, but free time to wallow in her mistakes, Brooke’s mental health was taking a hit, but when she collides with a handsome stranger she starts to realize that the future might not be so bleak and there might still be a light at the end of the tunnel.

Pairing: Henry Cavill x OFC

Content warning: Mention of overdose and past death of a close friend. It’s not too detailed, but I wanted to give people a heads up just in case.

________

May. 12. 2020 

Henry: I have a proposition for you

Me: That makes me slightly nervous

Me: What is it?

Henry: Would you like to go on a hike?

Henry: We can keep our distance and I've heard it's harder to spread/catch if you're outside

Henry: I completely understand if you're not comfortable though

I thought about it for a moment. As long as there wasn't too many people out on the trails then it should be pretty low risk as long as we kept our distance and I hadn't been out of the house at all since taking the cake over to Henry's house for his birthday. So, after my brief deliberation, I accepted his invitation.

Henry: Great, meet me at my house in twenty?

Me: Sounds good!

I quickly dragged myself off the couch, threw all the necessities into a bum bag, grabbed a sweater from my closet and shouted goodbye to my family with a brief explanation of where I was headed. They shouted a few questions back, but I rushed out the door without giving them a chance to get too nosy.

Me: On my way!

I sent to Henry when I was about halfway there before adding another message

Me: All masked up and ready to go

Me:

 As I turned onto Henry's street, he was standing outside his house, looking down at his phone as Kal sniffed the sidewalk around him.

"I like your sweater," Henry smirked as I got within a reasonable distance.

"Thanks," I smiled. "I thought it might scare any bears we might run into. You know, they might get confused and think I'm one of them."

Henry laughed and shook his head.

"There's no bears in Jersey that aren't locked up in a zoo," He informed me. "There's absolutely no dangerous wildlife around here."

"That's reassuring," I smirked. "But it's better to be safe than sorry."

"Fair enough," Henry chuckled before pausing. "Would you feel more comfortable if I wore a mask as well?"

I appreciated his offer, but shrugged.

"You don't have to if you don't want to," I assured him. "I know you've been staying pretty isolated and I'll probably take it off once we're off the main roads, but it just gives me peace of mind if we run into anyone along the way."

"Alright," He smiled. "Shall we head off then?"

I nodded and we started off down the street, Henry whistling for Kal to follow. He did so obediently, nudging his nose against my hand before walking a few paces ahead of us.

"I'm glad Kal gets to come," I commented. "But aren't you worried he might dart off after any little critter he sees?"

"Not really," Henry shrugged, respectfully staying on the edge of the road, just off the sidewalk as I walked along the opposite side. "I've got him quite well-trained. He might get distracted, but as soon as I call him he'll come back."

"What a good boy!"

Kal's tail wagged at that, but he was too busy sniffing around some bushes to pay much attention to us.

"He is," Henry nodded. "He's been an amazing asset. He comes with me every where I go and I can't imagine getting through this whole acting experience without him."

"That's really sweet," I smiled. "I always wanted a dog, but it's such a big commitment. I wouldn't want to get one and then be too busy to give it the kind of life it deserves."

"It is a massive commitment," He agreed. "I'm very lucky that I'm able to bring Kal on almost all of my travels and that when I'm on set there's always someone happy to keep him company."

"Well who wouldn't want to keep him company? He's gorgeous."

I held back a remark about dogs looking like their owners as Henry grinned proudly and we fell into a comfortable silence.

****

It was only about a ten minute walk before we turned off the main road and onto a more secluded path. The sun was starting to get stronger as it was almost mid-afternoon so I slipped my mask down to my neck so that I wouldn't get too hot, but could cover up quickly if we passed anyone on the trails. Somewhere along the way we'd fallen into asking each other random questions and, while most of it was silly, some of it was proving to be rather informative.

"That's so boring," I wrinkled my nose when he told me that his favourite fruit was an apple. "Considering how much of a world traveller you are I would have expected something much more exotic."

Henry chuckled at that as he did every time I criticized one of his answers.

"Like what?"

"I don't know. Maybe a papaya or a dragon fruit," I theorized. "Anything more exciting than a boring old apple."

"I don't think I've even tried either of those," He admitted. "Now, speaking of travelling, what's one place that you've not been to, but would love visit one day?"

I thought about it for a moment before answering.

"There's quite a few really, I haven't travelled nearly as much as I would have liked," I confessed. "But if I had to choose somewhere to go first, I think I'd choose Canada. Australia is a close second, but I'm terrified of spiders and I hear there's a lot there. So Canada, the part where the mountains and lakes are."

"My brother lives there," Henry's face lit up. "My younger brother, Charlie. He lives in Calgary which, from my understanding, is quite close to the mountains and lakes."

"That's so cool," I smiled, my words dripping with envy. "Have you been to visit him?"

"No," He sighed. "Usually he's the one to come here. He was back briefly before the lockdown actually, but he left to be with his family just before I came back to Jersey so we didn't see each other."

He looked sad as he spoke and I felt a pang of sympathy in my chest.

"That must be hard," I said softly. "Especially not knowing when international travel will be back up and running."

"It's tough," He nodded. "I'm used to only seeing him once or twice a year, but it's definitely worse not knowing how long it will be until we can all be together again. He's safe though and so is his family and that's what matters the most these days, isn't it?"

I nodded in agreement before a smile slid onto my face.

"And now, you can tell your brother that you'll be visiting as soon as you're allowed to because I fully intend to take advantage of this connection and make you take me there."

"Make me?" Henry laughed. "And how do you intend to do that?"

"I can be very persuasive," I smirked with a suggestive lift of an eyebrow before turning my attention back to the path before he could react. "So, if you weren't an actor, what would be doing?"

"I'd probably be in the military," He answered without having to think about it too much. "A couple of my brothers are and I'm quite disciplined so it seems like a good fit."

"More dangerous though..."

"Well, I do my own stunts so sometimes acting gets dangerous," Henry pointed out. "I did spend a lot of time hanging out of a helicopter for Mission Impossible."

"Yeah, but there's a whole team of people responsible for making sure that you don't die, right?"

"Of course and the stunt teams are amazing," He smirked. "But that doesn't mean there isn't any risk, accidents do happen."

I grimaced slightly, knowing that he was probably right.

"You should switch to baking," I suggested. "Definitely a lot safer."

Henry laughed, shaking his head.

"Alright, well, my next question is: have you ever had any bad baking mishaps?" He asked. "It might not compare to action stunts, but I'd imagine there's the potential for some nasty injuries."

"There is, but luckily I've always been pretty careful. A few minor burns and the odd slice of a knife, but nothing too serious. I have seen some pretty nasty stuff over the years though. Like once..." I paused for a second. "Wait, do you want to hear this? It's pretty bad."

"Yeah, go on," Henry nodded. "I think I can handle it."

"Okay, so, one of the bakeries I worked in for a while made a lot of things like doughnuts and churros so we had a deep fryer." My skin started to crawl just thinking of the memory and from the look on Henry's face he seemed to regret agreeing to hear about it, but I continued. "One day, my co-worker was cleaning the counter next to it, scrubbing really hard on a super sticky spot and her hand slipped and shot right into the boiling hot oil.”

"Oh my god," Henry squeezed his eyes shut, his fist clenching as if he was experiencing the pain himself. "That's horrible. Were you there? Was she okay?"

"I was," I nodded. "It was like it happened in slow motion and she didn't even scream, I guess from the shock, but I was hysterical. I kept expecting her skin to just slide off any minute like you see in the movies, but thank goodness it wasn't quite that bad."

"I think I'm going to have nightmares just hearing that story," Henry cringed. "Has it scared you off ever going near a deep fryer again?"

"I haven't had to use them much since that job actually, but it definitely made me very cautious," I admitted with a wrinkle of my nose. "What about you? Any nasty injuries on set?"

"No, I've been lucky as well. The stunt teams are all very good at their jobs so other than a few near misses with a sword here and there, I've never been in any real danger."

"Do you actually use real swords?"

"For the most part," Henry nodded. "For the Blaviken fight scene in the Witcher we used swords that were cut in half and then CGI edited in afterwards because we did it all in one take and there were a lot of moving parts that made it more dangerous."

"You filmed it all in one take?"

We were on a fairly steep incline and I was feeling the effect. My words struggled to come out as I fought to catch my breath and I was happy to give Henry some more time to talk before I had to answer any more questions.

"We did," He smiled proudly. "For the flow of the scene, it just made the most sense, but it was difficult. The cameramen couldn't see where they were going at all, they just had to use their memory with someone guiding them from behind so everyone had to hit all the marks just right to make sure there were no collisions. And with it all being one take, if anyone made a mistake or the timing was off at all then we had to stop the whole thing and start from the beginning."

"Wow, that's...impressive."

Henry caught my slight gasp for breath and looking at me with a raised eyebrow.

"Do you need to rest for a moment?"

I nodded and we both stopped walking as I pulled my inhaler out of my bum bag. I took a quick puff followed by a few slow breaths until I had managed to steady my breathing.

"Sorry about that. My asthma has been playing up the last few days and that hill just took it out of me..."

I felt silly getting winded while he was so unfazed, but he waved me off.

"Don't apologize," He insisted. "We can take a break whenever you need. There's been a lot of hills and I didn't even think about your asthma so I'm sorry for that."

"No need to be sorry. I haven't left the house at all since I brought your cake over last week so it's good for me to exercise," I assured him as I started walking again, much to Kal's delight as he charged off ahead of us again. "Anyway, back to your sword fight. That must have taken so much practice!"

"It definitely did," Henry nodded. "Hours and hours of it. It's like training for a big dance number really, everyone has to hit their marks exactly right, but we pulled it off first try."

I couldn't help, but smile at the pride in his voice.

"That's amazing. It must have felt incredible when you finished and knew you'd nailed it."

"Absolutely," He grinned. "So, if your asthma gets in the way of certain exercises, how do you stay so in shape?"

I felt my cheeks heat up at the subtle compliment, but he was looking ahead and keeping an eye on Kal so luckily he didn't notice.

"I do yoga," I told him. "Not the most exciting, but it is a lot harder than it looks. I thought it would be easy, but the day after my first class I could barely move at all."

"I've heard that a lot about yoga," He chuckled. "Even from big body builder guys at the gym, they try yoga thinking they'll smash the class, but they end up coming out just as sweaty as when they lift weights."

I'd had to defend my love of yoga to many people over the years. As Henry pointed out, my options for keeping fit were quite hampered by my weak lungs so I didn't have loads of choices, but I did end up really enjoying yoga and seeing plenty of physical benefits from the classes. It was annoying to have to constantly insist that it was in fact a workout worth doing so it was refreshing that someone with Henry's gym experience understood right away.

"It's pretty tough," I smiled. "Even though I'm sure you'd find it easy. I imagine with those muscles you could probably lift a car over your head without any struggle."

Henry laughed at that, shaking his head.

"Not quite a car," Henry smirked. "But speaking of strength, are you a good climber?"

I raised an eyebrow at that question as I noticed him looking off to the side of the trail at a small rock wall that was about Henry's height.

"Why? What have you got planned?"

"There's an excellent view if we take a brief detour," He explained. "But you'd have to climb that little cliff."

I looked at it a bit more intently than I had before and it seemed easy enough. It wasn't all that high and the edge was rough enough that it wouldn't be too hard to get a grip on.

"I think I can do it," I shrugged. "But what about Kal?"

"I'll lift him up. He's much lighter than a car."

He shot me a wink and I actually, literally giggled like some kind of flirtatious fangirl. It slipped out before I could stop it and, despite Henry either not noticing my embarrassing behaviour or just politely ignoring it, my cheeks went bright red again.

He led the way over to the wall and whistled for Kal who bounded over happily. The big dog didn't even flinch when Henry scooped him up and plopped him down on the top of the little cliff and he sat down obediently when he was commanded to 'stay'.

"You go up first and I'll spot you," Henry instructed.

I nodded and went up to the wall. It was pretty easy to find a good spot to hold so I grabbed on and hoisted myself up. It wasn't that far to go so I only needed to get my feet a little bit higher before I could push up and get my hands on the ground at the top. I could feel the warmth of Henry's body hovering behind me and perhaps it was the distraction of realizing how close he was or just that my running shoes didn't have the right grip for this kind of activity, but as I got my hands on the top of the cliff, my foot slipped off the wall before I could push myself up properly. I didn't fall very far though as Henry's hand was right there, ready to catch me as it collided with my bum.

Both of us froze for a moment. The warmth of his hand felt like it was burning a hole through the yoga pants I was wearing and my brain instantly felt the need to focus on the fact that his massive hand covered almost the entirety of the cheek it was currently cupping. As the shock of the contact wore off, I quickly found my footing again and dragged myself up so I was sitting on the edge at the top.

"Two metres apart, Mr. Cavill!"

He was standing there with his hand still out where it had been, looking just as surprised as I was, but as I scolded him his shock quickly morphed into a smirk.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to," He assured me as he grabbed onto the wall and pulled himself up with an ease that made my attempt look quite sad. "But I must say, that yoga is definitely working for you."

My jaw dropped at his comment, but after a moment I couldn't help but grin. Even if I didn't have muscles like Henry, I did put a lot of effort into my body and my bum had come a long way from the flat board that it used to be and I was proud of it.

"Thank you," I said as I pulled myself up to my feet. "But please, keep your hands off of my bum...At least while we're out in public."

Now it was Henry's turn to be shocked by my comment and my turn to smirk as I turned and headed off towards the little path we were next to with Henry and Kal hot on my heels.

****

The path we ended up on was another steep hill which Henry profusely apologized for once he realized, but I assured him I was fine. It was a beautiful trail and it wasn't long until we ended up in the clearing that he was steering us towards. As promised, the view was amazing and absolutely worth the trek.

"Wow," I gasped quietly, looking out over the ocean. "This is incredible."

"It's one of my favourite places on this whole island," Henry admitted. "I don't think many people know about it as it's not a main viewpoint, but Charlie and I used to run wild all over this place and we stumbled across it when I was only about twelve."

"What a great find," I complimented him, still in awe. "It's beautiful. Thank you for sharing it with me."

"Of course," He smiled. "You're practically a local now so you need to know all the best spots."

I laughed weakly at his description of me as a local even though it was probably true. I’d been here for months and wouldn't be leaving any time soon.

"Well, I can't think of anywhere that would beat this. Can we stay for a while?"

"Sure," He shrugged. "I don't have anywhere to be."

I smiled and went to the edge before sitting down and letting my legs dangle over. It wasn't a straight drop down, there was a big ledge sticking out only a few feet down so it was safe, but gave me a sense of freedom as I looked out at the wide open space in front of me. Henry whistled for Kal and gave him some water from his bottle before joining me, but keeping a respectful distance.

"So," Henry broke our comfortable silence a few minutes into our pit stop. "After all those questions, I realized I've never asked you what your bakery was called."

I felt my stomach drop at that question. He probably thought it was a pretty easy one, but my hands went all tingly and clammy and I was almost positive all the colour had drained from my face. I stayed silent for a moment as I thought it over. I could have lied and told him anything, really. He'd never know. But deep down I knew it wasn't a subject that I could avoid forever so I took a deep breath and answered.

"Lola's."

As I predicted, he gave me a confused look and pressed for answers.

"Lola's? Is that your middle name or something?"

Again, I was tempted to lie and pretended he'd guessed right, but if I wanted to continue our friendship, I had to be honest.

"No, it was the name of my best friend." My voice was quiet, but it didn't crack or waiver so that was an improvement. "She died last year."

I saw Henry turn to look at me out of the corner of my eye, clearly at a loss for words, but I kept my gaze off on the horizon.

"I'm very sorry to hear that," He said after a moment of quiet. "How did she die? If you don't mind me asking."

I didn't mind, but it was hard to talk about. I'd gone the route of burying my emotions rather than dealing with them when she passed so it was usually a topic I just steered clear of completely.

"She overdosed," I told him, still not looking over at him in an attempt to hide the tears that were brimming in my eyes. "She was always into partying, much more than I was, but she never really did drugs until she started dating this new guy. Suddenly she was talking about all the things she was trying and a few weeks later she was dead. Apparently he was a dealer and he'd tried cutting his supply with something dodgy so he could make more profit."

"That's horrible..." Henry's voice was soft and cautious and it made my eyes fill even more. "I'm so sorry, Brooke."

"Thanks," I choked out. "Sorry, this is super heavy. I don't mean to dump it all on you."

I wiped my eyes and tried to sort myself out a bit, but he shook his head.

"I'm happy to listen," He insisted. "How long were you friends?"

"Since we were three," I smiled. "We met in nursery school and were instant friends. Her name was Laura, but I called her Lola from the day that we met, I thought it suited her better."

"Wow, that's a long time."

"It was," I nodded. "She was like a sister to me. Cassie and I are really close, but Lola and I just clicked instantly. No one understood me like she did and she absolutely always had my back. She was the one who gave me the idea to open my own bakery. She'd been saying it for years so when she died, I knew I had to give it shot. You know, to honour her. It made closing down so much harder because I feel like I've let her down."

"I would be willing to bet a lot of money that that isn't the case at all," Henry smiled reassuringly. "I bet she's watching over you, proud that you gave it a good shot and completely relieved that you did what was best for your health."

I teared up again as he spoke, knowing deep down that he was right. Lola wouldn't be disappointed that I failed for reasons that were out of my control and if she was alive she would have dragged me to Jersey herself if it was the safest place for me to be. I hadn't voiced my guilt to anyone else though so no one had the chance to tell me I was being silly and hearing it made at least a tiny bit of my regret melt away.

"You're probably right," I agreed, wiping my eyes again as a few tears slipped down my cheeks. "Sorry, it's just hard to talk about and it's her birthday in a couple of weeks so it's even more of a sensitive subject."

"No need to be sorry," He assured me again. "It sounds like it's still quite fresh, but whenever you want to talk about it I'm more than happy to listen."

I pulled my bottom lip into my mouth, biting hard to try to fight back the floods of tears I could feel rising. It was very touching how kind he was being when plenty of people would have run for the hills as soon as they realized what a nerve they'd struck with such a simple question. I glanced over at him, trying to find the strength to thank him without a sob bursting free, when he tentatively held out his hand, placing it palm up in the dirt between us. A few more tears escaped at the gesture, but a smile slid onto my face as well as I reached out and placed my hand in his.

We stayed like that for a long time. Hand in hand, but almost two metres apart as we looked out over the ocean with Kal settled in the dirt between us. It was refreshing and calming as was almost every moment that Henry and I had shared. Eventually, we realized that it was getting quite late and we should head back before we ended up walking back in the dark, but the comfort I'd felt in that time with him lingered even as we headed home.

The somewhat somber mood that had fallen on us was soon forgotten and the laughter and fun returned as we continued asking questions and talked about everything from what we do if we could be invisible for a day to how much we both wanted a family and children of our own.

We ended up down by the beach just as the sun was setting and paused by the pier to watch it. It was a pretty breath taking sight and by the time I got home I was feeling giddy from the magical day that I'd had. Henry was shaping up to be pretty much everything I hadn't realized that I'd wanted. I'd been so busy in the last year, grieving the loss of my friend and then trying to start and run a business that dating hadn't even been on my mind, but now, after sharing so many heartwarming moments with someone who made me feel as warm inside as he did, it was something I couldn't help, but think about a lot.

I was in the middle of filling Cassie in on my day's adventures as I rather inelegantly shovelled some food into my mouth when my phone beeped on the table. I saw Henry's name pop up on the screen and my heart melted at what I saw when I opened the message.

Henry: 

Henry: I took this picture earlier and I can't get over how beautiful it is...

Henry: And by 'it' I mean you, the sunset pales in comparison

[thejosh1980]

I’m breaking the habit... tonight

It's been a while since my last post, did you miss me? Writing this blog, sometimes it's really hard to find interesting subject matter.

I have felt like I have very little to share at the moment. I don't feel like I have much to contribute to the world. There's a lot happening here, there's a lot I am feeling, but nothing of interest comes to mind.

But I am sure, now that I have started today, now that I have broken the (writer's block) cycle, I will think of something....

So here we go...

Last week, I saw my new therapist. I've seen him 3 times in the past 6 weeks or so. I didn't really click with him during the first 2 appointments, but today, I felt like maybe we are getting somewhere. It's pretty hard for him, the bar is set very very high; my German therapist was amazing and I got along great with him. So the new guy really has big shoes to fill, he has to do everything right (whatever that may be) for him to be considered worthy.

He mentioned several things today, but the standout comment was that I don't give myself enough recognition and credit for the changes I have made since my mental health journey started 7 years ago.

My doc mentioned that some of his clients can see that they have problems, they can even understand some strategies to help overcome these challenges, yet many of these clients have consistently failed to change their ways and improve their lives.

He said it's commendable, that I seek out ways to better myself and then I actually do the work. I changed my coping mechanisms, thought processes and behavior on many occasions.

Apparently I am consistently pro active at something!

Sure, I have failed at times, after all I am only human. Eventually, when I find the energy, focus and motivation again, I dust myself off, reflect on where I'm at and try to figure out what the next best steps forward for me are.

For example, I have a somewhat new(ish) and refined process for when I feel very depressed.

On the worst days (sometimes weeks) I often spend time in bed. Phone off, curtains drawn, no noise, just trying to sleep and not think about anything. I don't feel motivated, focused, happy. I don't feel anything other than hopelessness.

I worry if this is the end for me...

After a while, instead of fighting how I feel and doubling my worries and pain, I start by accepting them. If I am sad, down, unhappy, frustrated, angry, unmotivated, hopeless and downright out my head with worries and pain, I focus my thoughts on accepting these feelings. Usually, almost immediately, I start to feel better. Just a tiny bit, but every little bit helps. Even if I don't know why I feel the way I do, learning to accept my feelings, helps. This is something I learnt directly from my German therapist.

The next part is to try to think of something very easy, yet interesting to do—something I really really enjoy. Usually, it's something like walking my dog (unfortunately that's no longer possible) so I might take even smaller steps. The simpler the better. Come on Josh, get up and feed the cat. Walk around the house. Go back to bed...

Maybe after some time passes I can try walking outside, standing in the sun or make myself a tea. I might even put the TV on, although that's rare... Whatever it is, it has to be simple and bring me a good feeling immediately... I focus on doing something that brings me joy.

I aim to break the cycle...

Feeling woe is no fun at all, and I've learnt I can only sit with it for so long. At some point I gotta break the cycle. I have to challenge myself to break out. When my energy levels are creeping up, I can start to shift my focus from woe to joy. Step by step.

I know my thoughts can betray me, but I've learnt that I can change them. I never thought that was possible, but over the past few years, I've actively practiced it and, for me, it works. It takes a lot of energy to get those 2 (big) steps done. Sometimes I have to break it all down to the smallest possible steps. The tiniest, unmotivated, unfocus and hopeless step. If I'm lucky, I might notice the trigger and work on my thoughts before I get deeper and deeper into the hole. Other times I'm deep in the hole before I know it!

My doc said I should recognize and appreciate my efforts with the “break the cycle” process. I figured the steps out and worked on them, successfully in several instances .

Maybe a pat on the back is in order.

However, the next problem with that is that I don't want to massage my own ego, I don't like boasting about what I have achieved, even to myself. To me, I am who I am and I have done what I have done...

Yet here I am today expressing to the world, one of my achievements in mental health! Ironic much?

You can blame my doc and his kind words... !

On reflection, I just thought that this process could be helpful to others. “Break the cycle”.

You may not do it the way I do, but the important thing to note is, it could work for you, and it might be worth trying. What harm can it do? It might help get you out of the hole!

I do have many stories of how this process has helped me, from small to big things. It definitely isn't the cure of cures for my mental health, but it goes a long way to help me in my darker moments...

Mind you, I'm still terrible at asking for help or sharing my feelings.

I break my thought cycles all the time... Almost daily. It's active all the time. I've had to learn to recognize the triggers. Sometimes the same thing keeps coming back and I gotta focus a little harder on changing how I think, react, or feel about it. Mental health isn't something to think about from time to time. It's always there, in my head, being assessed. Well, at least as often as I find the strength to. It's hard, constant work and finding strength to overcome these overwhelming feelings can be very hard.

I am often challenging myself to try new things, to see where it takes me. Challenging myself to accept my feelings and learn to break my thought cycle has been a real challenge that has often paid off.

It has actually served me well, and I think I probably should consider it an achievement, as my doc suggested.

By starting this blog today, I broke the cycle... I actually had something to write about!! Didn't I?

Thanks for reading,

Josh

[anonniemousefics]

My Dearest Inej | Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Masterlist

Originally posted on AO3

Rating: Teen And Up

Synopsis: A series of letters kept among the personal belongings of Captain Inej Ghafa.

Chapter Sixteen: My Dearest Jailbird

Good morning, Sunshine!

If you are reading this, you are probably waking up alone and wondering where you are and how you got there. And your assumptions are correct – Wylan and I are indeed criminal masterminds who’ve drugged you and kidnapped you and sold you to the Shu. Now all of your suits are mine!

Yes, I’m joking. Don’t kill me. In all of this mess, the one thing I’ve found amusing is thinking of how this must all be playing out from your perspective. You take a dog for a walk, you fall asleep on my couch, you wake up surrounded by Shu. Sorry about that. The real truth is you were poisoned, pretty badly. Inej says the Shu have the best hospitals and mediks – you’re in Bhez Ju. And before you start complaining, we paid a lot of money to convince them to take you, so keep the whining to a minimum.  

I know your Shu’s a little rusty, but Wylan is with you. His Shu is also rusty, but between the two of you, hopefully you’ll manage all right. As soon as you’ve got a clean bill of health (just physically speaking – no one’s assessing your laundry list of mental problems, don’t worry), Specht is prepared to bring you home.  

That’s the where of it all with a bit of the why. I imagine you have a lot more questions. Why were you poisoned, for example? Great question, Kaz. I think it’s because you stabbed a twelve-year-old. Can you not do that again, please? It really pissed him off, and some old enemies happened to catch wind of it and then we had to fight them. Which enemies, you ask? Yes, with you, this statement does require some clarification; there are so many. The Haskells, Kaz. I know, your favorites.

They tried to seize control of the Dregs, but they had kind of banked on you dying. Thank the Saints you’re stubborn in that department. Inej came back and handled it. Oh, you want to know how? I’ll tell you how, but if you’re going to be gross about how amazing she was, do it in private, all right?

Right. Let me set the scene. It was early morning in the warehouse district, sun coming up over the harbor. We hadn’t slept in days. We’d whisked you to the coast to meet Specht just the morning prior, before sunrise. We’d pressured Wylan to go, too – it was unpleasant. There may have been tears. (Not mine, let’s get that on the record right now.) And then Inej was orchestrating a massive takedown. Anika was delivering missives while pretending to look loyal to Haskell. (Whatever you’re paying her, it’s not enough.) The crew of the Wraith was assembling. Pistols, knives, explosives. We were all ready for the showdown of the decade.  

(For you, Brekker. I hope you’re picking up on this. You may be a bastard, but you’re our bastard. No one else is allowed to poison you but us.)

Inej had brokered terms with Haskell, and they had agreed to meet in the warehouse district. Haskell wanted a gentlemen’s duel – pistols at dawn -- which was downright laughable given the cheating tactics he’d already shown willing to employ. But Inej was eager to make a show of his humiliation for any remaining holdouts.  

I was nervous, I’ll admit. Guns and bullets are my thing. I was not happy that she was acquiescing to Haskell’s wishes – she’s meant for knives. I’m learning, though, as I’m sure you are, that second-guessing Inej is a waste of energy.  

And she assured me it wouldn’t matter whether she won or lost, not with the attack she was strategizing with her crew. She and Anika were working out how to use them to take out every one of Haskell’s snipers without word getting back to him. You know, the sneaky things Inej does best.

So, the morning of the duel arrives. Haskell and five of his associates stride in to the warehouse district, armed to the teeth in pistols and grenades. It feels very much my last morning in the world, and if Inej feels the same way, she doesn’t look it. She’s sharpened all of her knives all night until they’re practically mirrors, hidden away in all of her limbs, and I loaned her one of my pistols (I think I cried over that).  

Rhett Haskell made some bloviating demands about how we were to hand you over when we lost, because of course he was unaware that you were already halfway to Shu Han, but that’s beside the point. Inej told him to shut up and name his second. They met in the middle of the street, back to back, and began their paces. I began counting them down.

This is when shit started to hit the proverbial fan.

Haskell had no intention of abiding by the rules and turned at the count of eight.  

Inej anticipated, but Haskell had already drawn.  

Anika was watching it all and gave the command. Inej leapt left, Haskell’s bullet singing past her face. She springs the quick release on the bone-handled knife you gave her.  

And then the rest of the Dregs start pouring in at Anika’s orders just as Inej’s knife handle is sticking out of Rhett Haskell’s throat. They’re moving in to take out the rest of Haskell’s men.  

Then in that same goddamn minute – The Stadwatch roll in. Rifles, batons, handcuffs, smoke grenades. They’re coming in with wagons and shields, rounding up anyone they can get their hands on, carting them off. It was Haskell’s last trick. He’d tipped them off. If he couldn’t have the Dregs, no one would.  

Where was I in all of this? That’s a good question. Inej had named me her second. For a moment, I thought she’d been shot when I saw her go down to dodge the bullet, and I ran at her. I was aiming at anyone who’d get too close, and then, when she pulled herself up and I saw she was all right, we were back-to-back to fight our way out, pistols and knives at the ready.

But then, the Stadwatch. Kaz, you’ve got to believe that I was prepared to do whatever it took to get her out of there. If she wasn’t so heavily armed, I’d have even thrown her over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes, but she most definitely would have stabbed me if I’d tried. When the Stadwatch rolled in, she told me to run. It happened so fast, Kaz. She said I was the one who could arrange to have you cared for, arrange for the payments and such. She said I had to go. She fucking hit me in the face, Kaz, like really hard. So, I did what I was told.

So, that is both the good news and the bad news. And the infinitely worse bad news. The good news is the Haskells no longer maintain hold over the Dregs. The bad news, of course, is that the majority of the Dregs are in the custody of the Stadwatch. And the worst of it is that that number includes Inej. She will stand before a judge next month, who will almost definitely sentence her to Hellgate.

But don’t panic! We have time. You can write her; I visit her regularly with the solicitor I’ve procured for her case. And it’s just Stadhall right now. If you’re reading this, you’re awake, and you can help me figure out how to break her out. That’s a cake walk for you. Don’t panic. We have been in worse scrapes than this.  

Do try to keep things light when you write her, though, all right? What happened to you hit her pretty hard. It’s been difficult to watch.

And, for Saint’s sake, thank Wylan for me. Daily. He doesn’t say it, but I know he’s furious.  

Best wishes,

J. Fahey

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My dearest Inej, most cherished jailbird in all of Ketterdam,

First things first, I’m all right. Probably infinitely better than you, actually. I can move all ten fingers and toes and speak in complete sentences, and I’ve never been so patronized in my life for such menial accomplishments. At least I think that’s what these Shu mediks are doing when I do something they want. It sounds very patronizing, anyway.

I won’t bore you with too many details, which could easily be done, because it’s very boring here. The food is bizarre and horrible. I’m forced to walk laps around the ward at least three times a day, no matter how badly my leg hurts, but I’m proud to report I’ve not strangled a single nurse, even though I’ve really wanted to. Wylan has even said I can tell you that I’m a “model patient” – although I did glare at him rather heavily to get him to agree to do so. You can let Jesper know we're getting on all right. He enjoys my card tricks the most out of any of you, so if I can't be stuck with you, at least it's him.

All of this is, of course, thanks to you. I’m caught up on the letters, and I can hardly believe it all. I owe you far more than a debt of gratitude. I owe you my life. I owe you an entire city. I owe you everything.

Which, of course, brings me to your predicament. I’m working on it. I have said I would come for you, and I have always meant it. I will, love, just as soon as I can manage it. I am spending every waking second until then scheming what needs to be schemed to get you out of this.

In the meantime, have you tried not getting caught? That usually works for me.

With love and with gratitude and with every bit of strength I have,

I’m yours,

K. Brekker

P.S. – And, for gods’ sake, tell Jesper to stop telling me not to panic. It’s literally the most panic-inducing thing a person can say, and the nurses keep saying it's bad for my constitution.

P.P.S. - What happened to Artie Galligan in all of this? Or is the answer to that question bad for my constitution as well?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Zenik,

I had to call in some favors to get this to you. Don't ask, but you are allowed to be impressed. I need your help.

-Brekker

[tulipscomeinallsortsofcolors]

Snowmelt

a/n: hi! this is my take on the what if Eirween had kept logan au! i am hoping i can make at least one more chapter of this because i do have a plot thought out, but i am not amazing at sticking to projects fdjhal. either way i hope this is enjoyable 

warnings: child abuse/neglect, hypothermia, death threats, just eirweens A+ parenting in general.

———————————————————

Leith Snowmelt’s life so far had been fine, really.

Well, OK maybe not.

Maybe that’s just what he wanted to believe.

Maybe it was more along the lines of horrible.

He spent most of his time at the edges of the forest; hidden, in the warm months between the bushes. He had learned to be quiet, still and unseen.

He only saw other faeries when his mother decided she wanted to bring him out, like a shiny piece of jewelry for special events. He had learned to be quiet when that happened too, to behave and play tricks when asked.

There always is an anger building in his chest, a tiny part that knows. He knows he was born on the equinox and only if they let him, if someone only taught him, he would be able to bend the forrest to his will. 

Instead he grows silly little flowers and catches sunbeams to amuse bullies who mock him to his face.

Unseelie thought of him, at worst, as a mistake who shouldn’t have been granted with the gift of seeing the light of day, at best they thought of him as The Banshee’s pet, funny silly little thing. 

Most Seelie thought of him as a lost cause.

The only time he ever did anything for himself was nicking books off school children. It wasn’t even stealing really since he usually gave something in return. Children were easy to bargain with, if you were persuasive enough and you looked childish, they often wanted stupid little things in return for their books: a charm, good luck on a test, health. 

It would be so easy to trick them.

Lieth didn’t.

How pathetically Spring of him.

His mother always cast him a half amused look when she found out he was “tricking” humans.

 It was the fondest look she ever gave him.

But all in all Summer and Spring were bearable, but Autumn and Winter were a whole other story.

It’s so cold and miserable, and it’s pitiful how much he missed the sun.

Some Seelie hibernate, or at least stay inside, cover themselves. Snowmelt’s mother will not let him, as if he could learn to be Winter purely by her stubbornness.

So it was his 12th year of life and he has his worst month yet.

His mother seemed to become more unhappy with him by the day. The other Unseelie seemed to lose interest in her little pet, he was not sure what they would do to him if they got bored. Worst of all he had, although only fleetingly, caught the attention of the Serpent King. Only brief amused glances at revels, but Snowmelt knew very well that could bring him nothing but trouble. 

Then a blizzard hit’s Wickhills, covering everything in a thick layer of snow. 

Snowmelt is downright miserable, and very aware of the bitter irony of his name.

His mother fought with him, well it wasn’t really a fight, mostly she was angry at him.

Somewhere deep down there is a growl in him, “I could take you”, that part of him says. 

But right now he is paralized, right now there is a blizzard outside and the sky is dark.

“I gave you life, Lieth,” she said.

He was sure that is the first time she has called him that, the first time anyone has called him that.

“I can take it too, Snowmelt.”

She had never been quite so direct, she bares her teeth in a mockery of a laugh, and suddenly he feels so very small.

So Snowmelt runs, runs through the cold forrest, through the snow. He runs until he can’t feel his legs anymore.

He runs until he is not sure what precisely he is running from anymore, but he can’t stop, he can’t even think about going back.

He runs all the way to the edge of the forest, where he usually reads books, hoping no one will find him.

He stops, his body giving out from underneath him.

He is immortal, he knows this, he does not remember whether or not the cold can kill him. He is, pitifully, Seelie after all.

It doesn’t really matter, he can not go either way.

How stupidly weak of him.

  ——————–

Thomas Sanders had a relatively average life, or well, as average as it can be growing up in Wickhills.

His mom was maybe a little more protective than was strictly necessary, but really with fae all around, who could blame her.

Anyway, on this particular day she had let him go out in the snow, she had said she was coming outside to join him in a second and for now he should stay in the street.

Thomas was absolutely delighted with all the snow, it was the most he had seen in his life, it was just too pretty.

Then he made a turn at the end of the street, suddenly he was at the edge of the forest. 

Which was definitely not were the edge of the forest should be.

To his credit Thomas only panicked a little bit, mostly he was annoyed he had been pixie-led from his own street, and quickly started turning his coat inside out.

And then he saw him.

A Faery, or well a child.

He looked only a little older than thomas, 14 maybe? But he was also small, and a frankly alarming shade of shade of pale blue.

And Thomas just could not shake the feeling that he was frozen and surely hurt.

Thomas could say that what he did next was because leaving the fae there certainly would have left him with some terrible curse.

But something had brought Thomas there. And seeing his face his heart broke.

So he ignored all common sense and logic, finished taking his coat off and wrapped the boy in it.

He lifted him- he was so light it could absolutely not be healthy- and he sprinted home.

Only later he will be concerned about whether or not the rest of the town saw him.

In the moment he could only think that the boy in his arms might be seriously hurt or dying.

He, somehow, clumsily rang his doorbell.

Only when he sees his mother’s baffled face logic rushed back to him and realised that this was so terribly foolish.

He looked down at the boys placid face.

With the best puppy dog eyes he looked back at his mom.

“He is hurt, moma.” he said pleading.

She sighed and shook her head.

“Get inside Tommybug it’s cold,” she looked at the fae boy in his arms and looked back at her sons pleading eyes, “get them inside too, quickly.”

Thomas smiled and they gently carried him inside.

———

Dot Sanders was considering she might have made the worst decision in her life.

She should have been panicking, or be furious at her son or something.

She certainly shouldn’t be gently tucking the fae in the makeshift bed they had made for them on the couch. 

She had called Larry immediately, he had been somehow slightly more rational about the whole situation, but ultimately decided they could not kick out an ill child.

She was in no way a medical professional, or prolific in anything magic. She wanted to call Abby, but she had picked this weekend to go on a short vacation with Roman. The idea of calling May Gage made her stomach churn.

So she did her best and wrapped the boy in slightly oversized warm clothes and turned on the heater.  

She knew, although she did not know much about fae, the boy was hurt. He was quite literally frozen a dull blue gray pattern of frost implanted on his skin and he was dangerously motionless. Aside from that there were bruises, scratches, scars and something that looked suspiciously like a burn.  She couldn’t help the profound ache in her chest as she added a blanket, she was a mother after all.

He made a soft slightly inhuman noise of pain.

“It’ll be alright,” she cooed, because she had gone just absolutely insane. 

He groans again, and he looks so much like Thomas.

Just like her son when he gets the flu, or he scrapes his knee, or when he stayed up too late.

He looks like her students at school too. 

Somehow, even if she knows he could be hundreds of years old, she knows he is just a child.

She runs her fingers through his hair gently and sighs.

“It will all be alright.”

——–

Snowmelt woke up in a place he did not recognize. 

The room has a strange hum to it, he also had no idea what everything inside it is, except for the books. He is in clothes that are not his and give him a strange itch like feeling. 

Somehow the room was hot, but he was not, he felt frozen from the inside.

He only has a few seconds of utter confusion before his thoughts were interrupted by a cheery voice.

“Oh gosh you’re awake!”

He turned to look at the human child, who smiled relieved and bright at him. 

Snowmelt wanted to yell, or run, or something. He could not. Why?

The child frowned a bit.

“It’s alright if you don’t wanna talk, you must still be hurt, mom says you got some form of hypothermia.”

Fantastic, hypothermia.

“Well anyway, I am-”

“No” he manages, his voice rough.

The human shaked his head.

“Right, faery, sorry.”

Snowmelt wondered what his mother would think of him, refusing a mortals name like that.

Pathetic probably.

“You can call me Bug, my mom calls me that sometimes,” he said somehow still upbeat. “Is there anything I can call you?”

He stayed silent, baffled at this child’s lack of manners and common sense and just the entire situation really. 

The child nods anyway.

“Ok,” he said, “do tell me if you need anything, mom and dad will be home in a second, they just went to get stuff for dinner.”

He wondered what kind of parents left their child with a fae, but then he tried to stand up and his body felt like he was being stabbed by needles. He went lightheaded and he noticed his body was littered with something that looked like frost.

He was completely harmless. 

Great, perfect really.

————

The parents did come home soon, and they were…kind?

He did understood less about the whole situation by the second.

They explained that they had found him, and saved him, for reasons Snowmelt really did not understand.

The mother, who told him she could call her Dory, something Bug seemed to find endlessly amusing, well she was fussing over him, she even brought him flower tea he was petulantly refusing to drink, she seemed to not be aware of food rules in fairy courts, and generally seemed to be trying to care for him.

The dad, who the child insisted he called Merlin, was just a little bit weary, but still offered no protest to there being an actual fae in his house.

There must be something, Snowmelt thought, something they want. A blessing? A gift? Simply to keep him imprisoned?

Whatever it was, they had not asked, yet.

After a while they left him to rest, and with much pain he reluctantly drank the tea, which was very good and seemily did not curse him or imprison him further.

From his place on the couch he saw the snow still falling outside and wondered in just how much trouble he was.

---

V: oh! my!! goodness!!! GRACIOUS!!!!! this is so SWEET and the Dory-and Marlin joke was an adorbale little cherry on top of this wonderful sundae that i absolutely love

[pandawritespoorly]

With Time: Chapter 33 - The Sun’s Going Out

Author’s Note: Woo! Saturday again!

A warning that Adrien is not doing so well. He's struggling, and you may feel uncomfortable reading it. I want you all to prioritize your mental health over my story.

What's this? A strong language warning? It's been a while! 'Bullshit'.

Chapter Summary:��Adrien is fine.

First | Previous | Next

“Alright Chloe,” Marinette says as she takes a seat across from the blonde, “What did you want to talk about?”

“I’ve been working on… a project. For a while now. Originally, I was going to talk to you about it in, like, November, but Adrikins and Sabrina both mentioned that you weren’t doing so well - ‘cause it was cold.” Chloe snaps her compact shut, putting it in her purse and looking at Marinette.

She clasps her hands together, placing them on the table and leaning forward seriously, “I’m starting a non-profit. For bullying. I want you to help me.”

Marinette is taken aback, this is certainly not what she expected. On reflex, she asks, “Why?”

“I know that I can never undo what I did, all those years, when we were kids, but I want to do something to make up for it,” Chloe looks away for a moment, “I did awful things, even when I was trying to be better,” she looks back at Marinette, “I let things with Lila get as bad as they did. I could have done something. I should have helped you before it got to the point it did. I’m so sorry for that. I could have spared you from… so much. It’s… I’m so sorry, Dupain-Cheng. For everything. So, I figured, there’s no use moping about it! I wanted to do something! So I figured… I can try to help? Help other people, and make something positive from all I did.”

Chloe looks down at the table. Marinette can only guess how badly she feels. The Chloe she knew would have never admitted she was wrong, have never tried to do anything like this.

This. This is... 

Amazing.

Marinette stands, rushing to hug Chloe tightly, “Oh, Chloe, that’s an amazing idea. I love it so much! Thank you! I’m so proud! You’ve become such an amazing person!”

Chloe blushes slightly, but eventually shoves the short girl away (gently), “Ugh, I know. Sit down like a civilized person, why don’t you?”

Marinette can tell from her tone that she’s not saying it in a mean way, just a Chloe way. Marinette smiles at her and sits down, ignoring the stares from the other people in the cafe.

She’s so proud.

“Anyways,” Chloe brings them back on track, “I’ve been working on setting it up for a while now. At first, I wasn’t even sure what I could do, but Sabrina suggested a non-profit, and then… well, yeah, here we are.”

“What do you want me to do?”

“I’m not really sure, but this just seemed  like your sort of thing, because you know, you’re so you - one of those people that’s just good. It’s almost sickening how nice you are, honestly.”

“Thanks!”

Chloe glares at her. “See! You took that as a compliment! Ugh! You’re ridiculous! Utterly ridiculous! Whatever.” She flips her ponytail for effect, “It’s called Everyday Heroes, and it’s going to be focused on educating people on bullying and helping the victims. You could probably work as a speaker on bullying - if you are comfortable with that, of course - which would fall under the scope of ‘education’ I guess. Or just spread the word. If you can think of anything, I’m open to suggestions.”

Marinette hums, “I could do that. Need any help with fundraisers? I can help there too.”

Chloe brightens. “Yes! That’d be great!”

They talk a little longer on the non-profit, exchanging ideas and planning. After a moment, they pause. Chloe sips on her drink and looks at Marinette.

“So, I heard about Adrien. What Gabriel and Lila did…”

Marinette scowls, “Ugh, that.”

“Right?! The only reason that no one is doing anything is ‘cause he’s some dumb old white rich guy. Sabrina brought it up to her father, who brought it up with his superior, who threatened to fire him for even considering going after Gabriel. I mean, can you say ‘corruption’?” “He’s being completely isolated! Sure he’s around people, but they’re not good people-” Marinette pauses at this. She’d always insisted that the class was still good.

They are, right?

She knows they are, but Lila… Lila has twisted them into something dark.

Something bad.

“...good people for him, anyways. This is- this is-” She clenches her hands into tight fists, feeling her nails bite into her skin, “Ugh!” she growls.

She remembers herself. She can’t get mad. That’s not allowed. Not while Hawkmoth is still a threat.

“Come on Chloe, let’s go back to the bakery.” She stands, placing some money down to cover her drink.

“I guess I can go with you,” Chloe sighs.

Marinette smiles. When they get outside, she wrinkles her nose at the chill. She may not be at risk of hibernating anymore, but that doesn’t mean she has to like the cold.

Waving at Maman and Papa as she leads Chloe through the back, she marvel’s at how much has changed in just one year. Less than a year actually.

There’s the whole… Dupont mess. She doesn’t want to think about that.

Chloe though! Now she can bring her to the bakery and no one bats an eye because she’s not a bully anymore. She’s a friend!

“Okay, so I brought you here because I figured that you could help us out. We’re planning to take down Lila during the music comp-”

“I’m in!” Chloe interrupts immediately.

Marinette’s eyes twinkle in excitement, “I thought so. Give me a minute to get everything out.”

Chloe nods, taking a seat on the chaise.

Marinette buzzes about the room, taking out papers and lists. She takes a large rolled-up paper out from some corner, placing it near the pile she’s made as she goes to grab a few last things.

Returning to the mess, she sorts it seemingly at random, moving some this way or that after a quick glance. When there’s enough space cleared, she unrolls the biggest one, spreading it out across the floor.

It’s a schedule for Concours d'arts musicaux, as well as a map of Collège Françoise Dupont.

Marinette takes a sheet of paper from another pile, unfolding it to reveal a rather lengthy list titled ‘Lila’s Lies’. Some are highlighted.

As she makes a few final rearrangements, Marinette says, “Obviously we aren’t going to debunk everything, because we don’t have that much time, but we’re going to assume that the rest will fall if you give the push.”

Chloe gives her a flat look. “Really? You’re making quite the assumptions on their intelligence here.”

Marinette glares. “They’re smart people, Chloe. It’s not their fault they’ve been manipulated.”

“Smart? Sure, when I think ‘smart’ I think a guy with glasses thinking his eye could have been gouged out with a paper napkin.”

“Ignoring that, they’re smart people.”

“Sure. You tell yourself that Dupain-Cheng,” Chloe retorts.

Marinette ignores her. “Anyways, the current game plan is to get Jagged, Prince Ali, Mrs. Rossi in to debunk her lies there. We’ll also play parts of the recording from when she, uh, saw me at the museum-”

“I want to hear that.”

“Chloe, really, it’s fine,” Marinette tries to reassure her.

Chloe shakes her head. “Nope. I want to hear it.”

Marinette sighs, handing Chloe the phone so she can listen. The blonde looks furious by the end. Marinette cuts in before she can say more, “How about you use your anger constructively and help me finalize the plans for the competition?”

---

“... and after fencing you have a picnic date with your girlfriend. It will last at least four hours. To offset the time lost, you will have extra lessons for the next two weeks. Any further dates will do the same. Ms. Rossi is aware of this and has assured me she will plan accordingly. That is all, enjoy your breakfast, Adrien.”

“Yes, Nathalie,” Adrien says robotically. Turning to his plate he can’t even muster up the energy to be disappointed in the small portions. His old dietician had retired. The new one was trying his best to ‘go by the book’ and be very exact in his portions for someone of Adrien’s size and weight. Nevermind that the old one had noted that he seemed to have a ‘worryingly fast metabolism’ given how many calories he loses, and should be fed accordingly.

Nope. That didn’t matter.

Nothing matters in regards to Adrien Agreste.

He’s just some pretty toy for people to show off.

His plate is only half done, but suddenly he’s not hungry anymore. Finishing early gives him approximately ten minutes of free time, so he goes to his room.

In the past, he’d have used this time to play games or text his friends, but now?

Now he just goes to his bed, staring up at the ceiling and focusing on thinking of nothing at all.

Plagg has other plans.

“Kid, this isn’t healthy.”

“Plagg, everything has been properly planned out so that my physical health and wellbeing will be at their peak. I-”

“Well, firstly, that’s bullshit.”

“Such language is not befitting of the Agreste brand.”

“Well thank me I’m not a part of that. Neither are you. A family shouldn’t be a brand first, family second. Adrien, this isn’t healthy for you mentally or physically. It’s only been like a week of this, and you’re a completely different person. I’m worried about you, kid.”

Adrien sighs. He doesn’t have the energy to argue.

This is just his life now. Plagg should accept that - it takes less energy than to fight it.

“Your friends are trying their best to help you out, but Nathalie and Gabriel are playing interception big time. Felix’s appointments aren’t being prioritized-”

“It’s a waste of time anyways. Father wants me to be the perfect face for the Agreste brand. Perfection requires sacrifices, which I have to be willing to make,” Adrien’s voice cracks as he speaks.

Plagg nuzzles into him, trying to provide comfort as best he can. “You aren’t perfect. It’s just a fact of life. You shouldn’t have to be making these sorts of ‘sacrifices’.”

They lay like that for a while before there’s a knock on the door.

“Adrien. Your extra practice for Concours D'arts Musicaux begins soon. Your bodyguard is waiting for you, it is time to go.”

He can’t muster up the energy to call out his usual response, simply rising to grab his stuff and go. Plagg settles around his neck, hidden by the collar of his shirt.

As Adrien approaches the car, he sees the Gorilla give him a concerned look.

He’s fine.

The drive consists of silence. Adrien is sitting up straight and staring ahead of him blankly.

He’s fine.

They arrive, and he exits the car. He keeps his face passive and maintains perfect posture as he enters the building for practice. Adrien is fifteen minutes early as is expected of him. One must make a good impression for the first whole group practice.

He’s fine.

A soft touch to his arm alerts him that someone wishes to speak with him. Of course, he obediently turns to face them. He hopes he’s able to help, because the last thing he would want is his Father to find out he’d been useless.

He’s fine.

“Adrien?”

He finally registers the owner of the voice and touch. Allegra. She’s standing before him, holding a bag from the Dupain-Cheng Bakery. She’s frowning, but it’s the first time in weeks he’s actually sure he didn’t do anything to cause it.

It’s a relief to not be a disappointment for once.

“How are you?” Her voice is still soft, gentle. It’s far from the monotones of those in the Agreste mansion.

“I’m fine.” It’s a reflex.

“No, honey.” She puts a gentle hand on his arm, a touch he could easily shake away if he wanted, “No you’re not.”

He screws his eyes shut, shaking his head desperately, and hugging her tightly. She returns the gesture, petting his hair and making comforting noises while leading him out of sight.

The last thing he needed was for someone to post a picture of The Adrien Agreste seemingly crying. Father would have his head.

It’s a few minutes before he finally lets go. He looks at the ground, “I’m s-”

“There’s nothing to apologize for,” she says immediately. The whole group has gotten quick with that response after being Marinette’s friend.

He remains silent, so she continues, “We figured out pretty quick that even with Felix trying to schedule appointments, they weren’t really making it a priority. He got a call that it had to be ‘postponed due to the prioritization of Adrien’s social life’. As if. How are you really? You look pale, honestly you shouldn’t be here if you’re sick.”

He sighs, “No, I’m just…” he hesitates, looking for the right word, “...tired. Father is really cramming in a lot.”

She looks at him suspiciously, “How are you food wise? That old man had better be feeding you.”

“Yeah, he’s feeding me.”

“But…?”

Adrien wonders if she’d care or not. Should he mention it?

Sure, the new dietician cut back on his food, but he hasn’t had much of an appetite anyways.

“I have a new dietician, so my portions have been reduced, but I haven’t really been hungry anyways,” he mutters.

She frowns, “We figured that you wouldn’t be eating enough. Mari sent food with me for you.” She shoves the bag towards him, “I’m under orders from all of them to make sure you eat at least one whole pastry.”

He smiles for the first time in…

How long had it been?

He ends up eating all the provided pastries, and she takes care of the trash for him, and they walk to the main room together.

---

Adrien has finished his homework. He’s done fencing. He’s reviewed Chinese.

He continues to mentally go over his day, assuring himself that he’s done all he’s supposed to, while intentionally ignoring the four hour (it lasted six by the end) date he’d gone on.

Except now he is.

Six hours with he-

No, not ‘her’. His girlfriend.

Just thinking it makes him feel nauseous. Gross. Filthy. Unclean.

He might actually be sick.

The whole thing was a nightmare. Sitting in a park with her. She was constantly touching him, leaning against him, running her hands through his hair.

He doesn’t want to think about how often she kissed him.

A soft knock at the window pulls him out of his thoughts.

Ladybug.

He hesitates. This-

“Kid, you haven’t been going on patrols. She’s got to be worried. Talk to her.”

Adrien had been avoiding Ladybug, even after the three akumas they’d had, he just… he had to get back to his schedule. There would be huge consequences if he went missing for too long. As for patrols - he just wanted to sleep.

He’s tired of being awake.

Plagg is right though, and he really does miss her.

He lets her in.

“Oh, my sweet prince…” Ladybug caresses his cheek, looking at him worriedly.

Adrien doesn’t say anything, just appreciating her company.

“Come on, let’s go. No patrol tonight, I just think you should get out of here.”

Chat Noir and Ladybug take off, and he’s content to follow her lead. He’s not entirely surprised when she lands on her balcony and releases her transformation.

He follows her inside.

“Do you want to detransform?” It’s a question, not an order. Despite that, he feels his ears droop in shame.

“No, I’m sorry. I just… I don’t want to be Adrien right now.”

She smiles sadly, “That’s purr-fectly fine Kitty.”

He still feels bad, and- hey! “Did you just make a cat pun?” His ears and tail perk up.

She smirks, “Purr-haps.”

He grins, “I love you so much!” He rushes forward and picks her up, spinning her in circles. She giggles.

“Want to watch a movie? Or an anime? I have popcorn and pastries.”

“Yes.”

He sets her down and she carefully leads him up to the loft. A bowl of popcorn, a tray of sweet pastries, and her laptop are already there. She crawls to the end, holding her arms out to him.

Chat flops down next to her. She has him choose a movie, and they settle in.

It’s almost like a-

...a date.

Just like that he’s back at the park. That’s all it takes.

“Adri-love! There you are my sweet!”

Lila rushes up to him, not hesitating to kiss him dramatically.

“Hi,” he manages.

She frowns. “Oh no, what’s wrong? Normally, you’d call me something cuter.”

He can translate - cute nickname or else.

“I-I’m fine, my, uh, peacock.”

She pauses, then nods, accepting the name. She kisses him again, which he guesses is supposed to be a reward.

He feels sick.

Her hand grabs his, and she leads him towards the blanket she has set up in a secluded corner of the park. Normally, he’d be grateful that the usual paparazzi isn’t around, but he really wishes that someone - anyone - would be here.

He doesn’t want to be alone with her.

He doesn’t want to be with her, period.

“Chat? What’s wrong? You’re crying.”

Marinette.

He’s with Marinette.

He’s safe.

She’s already paused the movie and set everything aside. She brushes his hair aside, studying him.

“N-nothing,” he whispers.

“It’s not nothing if it’s bothering you - your feelings matter. A very smart cat-boy told me that once.”

He wishes she’d hug him.

He’s relieved she doesn’t.

“I j-just, I had- I- a d-d-date tod-d-day…” he stutters. More tears threaten to fall, but he’s supposed to be perfect.

He hears a sharp intake of breath.

“Do you want a hug? Is touch okay?” She’s well aware of how Lila treats him, and doesn’t want to do anything he’s uncomfortable with.

You know, the way you treat people you care about.

Chat Noir hesitates. His day has been filled with nothing but touch so cold it burned, or the poisonous leaching from her.

Well, not quite only that.

He’d hugged Allegra. That had been nice. A warm hug, not burning, not freezing. Just… caring.

It’s only when he nods that she finally reaches out to him. Burrowing his face in her stomach to hide the tears, he finally lets himself cry softly.

Marinette doesn’t comment on the tears, or the quiet hiccuping of his sobs. She just pets his hair comfortingly.

“It’ll be alright, love. You’re okay, you’re safe. You are absolutely amazing. You’re my favorite person in the whole world - my kitty. Everything will be okay. I promise,” she murmurs. She continues to whisper quietly to him for sometime, eventually just humming a soft song.

It’s the calmest he’s felt all day.

A low purr stutters out of him, and he can tell she’s smiling, even if he can’t see her. He knows she wouldn’t tease him for crying in front of her, but her shirt smells like her, so he doesn't move.

He’s missed her so much.

---

Author’s Note: That child. I feel so bad. For those of you worrying, the competition is soon.

Wondering why Adrien called her a peacock? Well, I was looking for words that meant 'showy/conceited' and that was there. Not to mention one of the villains of Paris is a peacock.

So Chloe, huh? I've been planning this for a while. Like Chloe said, that meeting was originally planned for November.

Thanks for reading! Feel free to leave any thoughts, theories, constructive criticism, or anything really in my ask box, in replies or through reblogs. I love seeing what you think!

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[il-allora]

Oversharing my tropes ftw

Check out  @reynaruina ‘s Ponytail Dib AU

CW: Mental health, depression, dub con, alcoholism. If it isn’t your shit, don’t go there, babe.

----

It was rare that they had a common enemy for a long enough time as to become momentary allies, of them all, the US Government did oppose a challenge. So it was a genuine struggle from the moment when he broke out of his cell, found Zim drugged out of his ever loving mind on a dissection table and broke them out of a governmental facility in the middle of fucking nowhere, he realized it was one of those days. 

Two stolen grenades, a few puzzles and a dead soldier later, they were out of the labyrinth that seemed to be a governmental compound. Stormy skies above accompanied Dib ominously as he pulled on Zim’s bare hand while running through the desert, avoiding as many motion and thermal sensors throwing them off with the space blankets oversuit he’d stolen and by jumping around the bushes.

Every time they bumped, Zim made slurred, colourful, weird notes like ‘You seem to have a better body mass, Dib stink’, ‘You saved me, I’ll hate that in the morning’, ‘You’re the only human I’d actually kill for thus far, Dib human’, ‘You’re almost smart when you actually try’. Even if he wouldn’t admit to his enemy, each phrase was like a worm consuming his every rational thought and sent his mind on overdrive of ‘what ifs’ he usually tried to stop with alcohol abuse. God, he needed a drink right now.

Dib pushed back ino the hoodie a few strands of his jet black hair, pissed off at how he had lost his good hair tie somewhere. The main gates of the compound opened behind him and he gasped, throwing himself over Zim as two convoys roared out of it, “Don’t think it’s the time for fraternizing, Dig-thing,” the alien slurred settling his arms around Dib’s skinny neck and tapped Dib’s nose, earning a frown and a blush from the human. 

As the convoys left, Dib could only wish the image wasn’t burned in his retina, a shameful part of him insisting on using those minutes of the day… Later… Ugh, Zim barely even knows who he’s talking to, said the ruthless little part of his conscience, just get your pathetic ass out of here you can be stupid at home… “F-for fuck’s sake” he mumbled and started to get up, when he was roughly pulled down by the collar, he went with a gasp. How often could he forget how superhuman Zim’s strength fucking is? 

Dib frowned and looked away from the drunken angry alien, at least the sun was setting and if they could move quietly- “Look at me, Dib. LOOK AT ZIM!” The convoy stopped and started on a path back... Great, scratch that… “I’m looking at you, Zim! Now shut up and let’s get out of here,” he said quietly through his teeth, “Just shut up.” 

Zim smiled at him and poked at his nose chuckling, “You look nice when you’re stressed.” What does that even fucking mean? Dib shook his head to clear his thoughts and rolled away as the lights of the convoy went up, SHIT. He laid low and let out a shaky breath, looking at the next bush they could crawl to.

“Come on, Zim, we need to get your cockroach ass out of here”, Dib took Zim’s wrist, before he could move Zim pulled his face close enough as to have their breaths mingle and he could feel the hairs on the back of his neck rise and Zim’s claws are so sharp and his fingers so soft and he might as well have a fucking heart attack and maybe it isn’t a great fucking idea to listen to a drugged alien poking provocatively at his chest as if he hasn’t been touched in years and what if human beings didn’t care for physical contact with him and could he be less fucking needy when the agents looking for them might as well turn them into doormats to deter escapees. FUCK!- 

“Look. At. Zim” he said poking at Dib’s chest as if challenging him, “ … Eh… Kah’ldya hujkali’r … “ What? What the actual fuck? A question that went unsaid by Dib’s expression, first irken gibberish he couldn’t translate without his guides and the app in his busted up computer. There was a pink trail of irken blood down the alien’s chin as he wobbled to his feet and out of his very worn PAK, came out a leg with a button he pressed.

“The fuck was that?” hissed Dib as he pushed both of them down as a light passed them overhead. “You worry too much. I am Zim, I’m amazing and you can’t even start to understand my genius ways, Dib filth” the alien slurred and patted Dib’s face, Zim sighed and looked up at him, “Mine.” Dib sighed and picked the alien again, by the oversized overalls and rolled his eyes expecting a less giddy wobbly alien to follow him when a large explosion went off overhead, turning over one of the jeeps. 

Only a second later the voot cruiser materialized in front of them at the speed of light, “Our ride is here! Get up before they bring the big guns...“ Zim rubbed at his head and pointed back at the high security military base from which Dib failed to get any fucking proof of the shit going on within as he made his way out because he was babysitting Zim this once. Still he threw Zim inside the cruiser and watched the hatch close behind him as machinegun fire went off, alarms going off within the spaceship, “What are we doing here?” said the computer as the voot went off at top speed making Zim and Dib land in a heap at the back of the driver’s seat. “Paranormal investigation” – “We were kidnapped” they answered in unison. 

Dib looked down at Zim rising an exasperated eyebrow, “We were kidnapped,” he repeated, “We need to leave, I need a cigarette and I’m fucking thankful that I don’t have a digital print right now, Zim, stop!” he said as Zim attempted to rub his face on his lower belly spreading blood all over it and far too close for comfort to other sensitive areas that MAY need immediate and desperate attention, but he feels dirty enough with the shit he’s witnessed so far. 

“Can we run some test to know what he was dosed with?!” he asked looking away from the alien offering a sly grin at his lap, blinking slowly up at him. 

The computer sounded bored by the request as it said “Initiating blood analysis through PAK system, it seems to be damaged. It may be fixed once you’re back at the base,” Dib sighed, as he pushed the hoodie of the stolen overall off his head and said, “Great.” So then he could leave Zim at his base, safely away from authorities and then just get drunk on whatever he found cheapest at the store for a day or five, he pushed his hair back, pretending he wasn’t bothered as hell that he lost his hair tie.

Zim alternated between looking confusedly around him to attempting to command the ship, which both the AI and Dib fought against, they threw the overalls through the vent and he seriously needed not to think on how his mouth watered as he divested Zim of the overall he forced him into at the lab/torture chamber back in the military compound.

It wasn’t half an hour later that he threw the door open at Zim’s home and just pushed past GIR “Oh, Master don’t look so good…” robotic tentacles came down from the ceiling and took Zim from Dib’s arms as sighed in relief, this whole thing felt like too much responsibility for the level of anxiety he was dealing with. Zim seemed to be reluctant to let go of his mangled shirt, “Alha’dun… Kah’ldya hujkali’r” he was pushed through the opening to his laboratory and then there was silence.

GIR hummed just as Dib felt he was overstaying his welcome, “I can translate irken!” he smiled with his tongue out and Dib looked at the small robot sideways expectantly, yet apprehensive on the information, “He said! Trust me, I’ll keep you safe- HEY!” Dib turned around mid-sentence and his feet didn’t stop until he reached his home. 

The neighbors were screaming, there was a siren down the street and the pipe under the kitchen sink leaked again leaving the smell of humidity on the air, he collapsed against his closed door and crawled to his bed a few moments later so he could have a proper breakdown.

[gizkasparadise]

Prompt if I may! Tyrion/Sansa post-war, married but having a long distance relationship while he's in King's Landing. He visits and those times are good, but she's content with her freedom in Winterfell all the same. They write letters.

co-written with the amazing @starforged, who did all the sansa parts

Sansa,

While I wish this raven be well received, I fully expect it finds a final destination in the belly of a fireplace. Should the former happen, I will do my best to make this message as short and unclever as possible--a considerable effort on my part in both accounts..

I am sure the intent of this letter will not surprise you, as we briefly discussed the matter before I departed Winterfell. The septon has reviewed the legality of our marriage. It would stand, should you wish it. I trust you see the benefits of such an arrangement, of which I offer with no expectations. But there are worse things than marriage based on what I hope is a friendship.

I await your response, or at least the live return of this raven. Birds willing to fly North are difficult to come by, this time of year.

Your husband in a tentative sense,Tyrion Lannister

--

Tyrion,

I would not so easily discard any letter from an ally, much less one I could consider a friend. There are so few of them left these days in Westeros.

An interesting turn of events, all things considered. Tell me the truth, did you manage to use that famous Lannister persuasion on the matter? I suppose either way, it doesn’t truly matter how it comes to be that I rid myself of one husband only to find myself still married regardless. Which is not the worst thing that could happen.

Things still stand as I said them before: you are Hand to the Dragon Queen, and I am not willing to leave the North after - all of it. The North is mine, Winterfell is mine, my family is mine.

How would a clever man such as yourself reconcile these obstacles?

I hope you are doing well, and that the warm weather of King’s Landing sits better with you. And the birds.

Your hesitant wife by circumstance,Sansa Stark

--

Sansa,

It would appear that Lannister charm only goes so far after a tyrannical rule in its name. Thankfully, there is always money.

And now, I believe, it is time for a confession: King’s Landing is truly miserable in the summer. Knowing there is a cooler climate where I might visit is tempting. If for no other reason than a break from the smell of hot shit in the streets.

So, dear Sansa, would you do me the honor of staying my wife from 1,500 miles away?

Tyrion

--

Tyrion,

Decorum would say that I would take the name Lannister, as I have before, and as I have been a Bolton.

I do hope you will keep this a secret between you and I, but in the wise words of my sister: fuck decorum.

I will stay your wife if you do me the honor of allowing me to remain a Stark.

Fondly,Sansa

--

Sansa,

Yours is a good name. Truly.

I’ll make the necessary arrangements. I understand there’s to be a tree involved at some point?

Tyrion

--

Tyrion,

Thank you. Words cannot express the relief this gives me. Both in name and in not having to deal with suitors attempting to gain my hand again.

In the North, there are always trees involved. You will have to get used to our strange customs.

Sansa

--

Sansa,

We are to depart in a few short hours. It will be a small party of myself, Jaime, and fifteen soldiers. Purely for gravitas, of course.

I suppose the next time we talk shall be at our wedding.

The second one, that is.

[a blot of ink, as though the pen rested too long]

Until then, I wish you well.

Tyrion

--

Tyrion,

Life is beginning to settle in the north. Many of the families here are gone, their estates empty, and I have many more mouths to feed than expected. It would seem prudent to grant titles to smaller families or let wildlings take homes that have been around for centuries.

You’re sure to have reached King’s Landing by now, and I suppose that I don’t have much to say in the short time we’ve parted. But since you are part of the north, officially, I’ll have to keep you informed of its going ons.

It’s quieter here with your absence.

Brienne seems to be in a mood now that your brother has also left. Anytime I bring him up, she goes quite stony and mumbles. The world may have ended as we knew it, but some things seem to stay the same.

I hope your trip back was quiet.

Sansa

--

Sansa,

Ah, Jaime reveals himself as a romantic yet again.

The journey was far less entertaining than my time spent in the North. Too much sun, not enough bearded, taciturn men. A pity, really.

As for Winterfell, it’s in more than capable hands. I understand the offer will not be accepted, but know that should there be a need of it, I do have access to coffers. A few of them, actually.

You looked well, Sansa. Happier.

[again, another ink blot]

It was good to see you.

Yours,Tyrion

--

[this letter is a few weeks out after]

Tyrion,

We are overflowing with bearded, taciturn men. I would say I could send you a few to keep you company, but we have need of them more and I am not that generous.

I [an ink blot] thank you for your support and your words. They do mean a lot, even if it doesn’t seem so. You’re right, husband, I won’t accept the charity but perhaps a trade could be made. I’m proud, not foolish. And I am well aware of what it means to marry a man of wealth.

I feel more content than I have in some time. Ever, maybe.

Don’t get in too much trouble,

Sansa

--

Sansa,

I do believe this is the first time you’ve wished self-preservation on me. In return, enjoy your anniversary present. I wasn’t sure if I should go by the first or second wedding, so expect another about ten months from now.

[attached to the raven is an inventory list: grain, salt, livestock, and the promise of one wolf-shaped pin]

Happy marriage,Tyrion

--

Tyrion,

Being widowed or disgraced twice over would cause unsavory rumors. Wishing you well is the least I can do.

The gifts were well received. Salt is a romantic gesture in the North, did you know?

[she wears the pin but she doesn’t bother to write that]

How are things faring?

Sansa

--

Sansa,

What a strange custom. Fitting, I suppose, though I’ve never heard of it.

As for me, there were only two attempts on my life this month. I dare say I’m becoming popular, in the good sense. For once.

It is a pleasant time to visit King’s Landing, should you be inclined to do so. Flowers, sunsets, multiple stores of salt.

Yours,Tyrion

--.

Tyrion,

There are assassination attempts? Were they fed to the dragons? I have it on good authority they eat whatever they want.

I would put my life in Arya’s hands, but I would not trust her nor Bran to do what it is I do. Leaving is a poor choice. Do enjoy the salt and sunsets for me.

Sansa

--

Sansa,

I suppose this is where you make me defend my Queen’s honor. I assure you the dragons are being properly fed. On livestock.

Well. I suppose there’s always summer, should I be welcomed.

Tyrion.

--

Tyrion,

I would never besmirch the Queen or her honor, merely repeating her words. She is the good authority.

Summer is lovely. You are always welcome here, Tyrion. Even if you weren’t my husband.

Sansa

--

Lady Stark,

I write to you on behalf of Tyrion Lannister. It was expressed to me that despite appearances, your marriage remains amicable.

All measures are being considered for the Hand’s health. We shall write to you in either possible event.

Good fortune upon you in these trying times, my Lady.

Varys

--

I do require much more information than was given to me, as it has been some time since I have heard from Lord Tyrion himself. Measures for his health? What has happened, and if it is dire, why was I not contacted sooner? Regardless of the state of our marriage, we are still married.

I am sending my knight, Ser Brienne of Tarth, to check up on this matter personally.

Sansa Stark, Lady of Winterfell

--

[about a month after the last raven]

My Lady Sansa,

As suspected, all is not well in King’s Landing. Lord Tyrion has been the victim of an assassination attempt, and is currently recovering under the maesters’ careful supervision.

After several inquiries, Jaime Lannister was able to secure a visit for me to see Lord Tyrion. On your behalf, of course. He is [a scribble]. I cannot lie to you, my lady, he is still weak. From what I understand, there are rumors that Her Grace could send him to Dragonstone for the remainder of his treatment, and until the assassination conspiracy is resolved. I promise you I will not leave the Red Keep until I can assure your lord’s safety.

Yours in service,

Ser Brienne of Tarth

--

[a week later]

Sansa,

Am I to assume the suffocating protection of Ser Brienne is a gesture of good will? I certainly hope so. I doubt I have the stomach for another assassination attempt--literally or figuratively.

For future near-death experiences, let me assure you there’s no need to worry on my account. Assassins have healthy employment in King’s Landing. I’m sure you remember.

...But I do apologize. For not writing earlier.

Yours,Tyrion

--

Tyrion,

You continue to amaze me with how foolish you can truly be, and how childish I was when we were first married years ago. There is plenty to worry about, in your position and stature. The world is precariously balanced as is without you at the helm of the great queen.

I have already sent word to Ser Brienne to escort you to Winterfell. Come home.

Sansa

--

Dearest Ser Brienne,

It’s time to return with one husband in tow. Do make sure he understands that there is no choice in this matter.

Lady Sansa

--

Sansa,

Winterfell is far more agreeable than Dragonstone. At least in company.

You should know it could be a longer stay, this time.

Yours,Tyrion

--

Tyrion,

I’ll make sure there is plenty of drink to go around then.

Yours,

Sansa

--

Sansa,

Marriage is certainly more agreeable than previously imagined. I must commend you for your tolerance of an old man.

Yours, and bound for the North,Tyrion

[a-merman-not-a-guppy]

CHINESE HOROSCOPES 2020! Fruits Basket Style

The Rat - “You're done. Put that down and get out.” - Yuki Sohma

Other Rats: Lymantria Khan, Mateo De Alva

Congrats. It is the year of the rat. The Rat horoscope 2020 predicts that you may be filled with a vague feeling of dissatisfaction even though things will go quite well.He is loyal and devoted to his friends and rather protective of them. He is not really romantic and often is really good friends with his lover. At times he can be mean, stubborn, and narrow-minded in his view but it is merely his way of being a perfectionist and his need to live by his own rules.

Don’t listen, then, to the insidious little voice that will incite you to see things in black. Look at your life with serenity: You’ll realize that, in fact, you’ve absolutely no serious reason to complain or even to worry. Celebrate the many good things you’ve been given.

The Ox - “A mystery...” - Hatsuharu Sohma

Other Oxen: Perry Flynn, Merida Dunbroch, Berlioz Bonfamille, Mabel Pines, Dipper Pines, Charlie Little, Alana Triton, Keaton “Buster” Palmerteri 

2020 will certainly be a lucky year for those born in the Year of the Ox. You’ll be relaxed and feel good about yourself, The Ox chinese horoscope 2020 predicts that in order to amplify the good celestial influences of the year and lessen the negative impacts, it will be in your best interests to take stock of your life and to hatch out new projects. and this beautiful balance will have happy repercussions on your love life.

Some of you might accidentally encounter some supernatural events that are beyond one’s imagination. Whether such meeting is a good omen or not is to be established in the near future. But certainly it brings a new chapter into one’s life. As long as one has an open mind and does not keep thinking of negative consequences, then the situation should be under control. If still in doubt, then one can choose to totally ignore it.

The Tiger - “When I’m...with Onee-chan...I feel warm inside...” - Kisa Sohma

Other Tigers: Kanga DeRosa, Thomas O’Malley, Calliope Harper, Olafur Önnuson, Gregory Eeyore, Marian May, Sindri Dyrsson

Tigers are set to reap the benefits of the Year of the Rat; career and education, in particular, will be the areas to focus on for the next few months. Be confident in your abilities. Use your talents for good; loyalty and intelligence will get you far. On the other hand, health and relationships will not have such a positive outlook. You will need to be sensitive to your well-being and others’ if you want to have a good year.

The Rabbit - “But...I think...I want to live with all my memories. Even if they're sad memories.” - Momiji Sohma

Other Rabbits: Kiara Lyons, Shannon “Shock” Adamson, Bambi Basurto, Sora Hamasaki/Roxas, Reed Fisch, Elyon Brown

The Rabbit horoscope 2020 predicts that in general, the outlook is positive. However, the year will be marked with some tense configurations. In order to preserve your serenity, it would be in your best interest to adopt a well-balanced lifestyle at the very start of the year.Be careful about your diet, and think of getting more fresh air; indeed, you’ll tend to live too much indoors, forgetting to walk or to maintain contact with nature. There’s a whole world out there for you to explore.

The Dragon -  “No I was simply too amazed by your stupidity to say anything.” - Hatori Sohma

Other Dragons: Imelda Rivera, Sun Park, Roscoe Sykes, Jake Long, Marie Bonfamille, Deb DamselBu, Oliver Twistes, Fflewddur Fflam

The Dragon horoscope 2020 predicts that this year, you will become more sure of yourself and assert your originality, especially in your career, where your qualities will be acknowledged by your superiors and colleagues. But you’ll also have the tendency to adopt overly radical positions at times; try to be more moderate.Beware: By refusing to make concessions, you’ll antagonize even those who only want to help you! Expect luck to smile upon you.

The Snake - “So send me your desire. In the service of my fellow students, I am prepared to receive!” - Ayame Sohma

Other Snakes: Kristoff Bjorgman, Violet Parr, Isabel Flores 

The Snake horoscope 2020 predicts that your personal evolution will be highlighted by the Stars this year. You’ll discover new things that interest you and you’ll better understand the direction of your destiny. Many of you will be attracted by all that is related to spirituality. Your natural generosity will express itself usefully in the service of others. Think about this if ever you have an important career choice to make.

The Horse - “And if when everything ends, nothing is left in my hands...that's alright.” - Rin Sohma

Other Horses: Willis Tibbs, Marzel of Coronado, Marisa of Coronado, Gaston Lacarriere, Ralph O’Reilly, Lucius “Lock” Adamson, Ashley Spinelli, Mei Qin, Dash Parr, Haley Long, Urchin Owens, Ashle Boulet, Ashleigh Quinlan, Ariel Triton

The horse horoscope 2020 predicts that the year may be marked with important surprises. Now, as a native of this Sign, you abhor the unforeseen. Nevertheless, it will be in your best interest to act quickly if changes come to disrupt your career schedule. Given the favorable astral configurations of the year, such modifications will play in your favor, on the condition that you take up the challenge. Don’t be doubtful of your abilities; you’ll find the necessary resources within yourself to make the most of changing conditions.

The Goat - "STUPID WOMAN! Always stealing our alone time." - Hiro Sohma

Other Goats: Terra, Nala, Terence, Attina, Ella, Simba, Meg, Finn, Roo, Huey, Dewey, Louie, Ashlee T, Nemo, Wilbur

The year of the Rat will be full of highs and lows for Goats. Having enjoyed a relatively stable previous year, they should expect 2020 to be more dramatic.Goats will have to work harder than usual to capitalize on great financial opportunities during the first half of the year. These resources should then be saved to prepare for the difficult years of the Ox, Tiger, and Rabbit.

In the second half, Goats may face some serious problems that can last a while. These obstacles will require strong persistence and commitment from them. However, they should see this as an opportunity to grow and bring out the best in them. As long as Goats remain optimistic throughout the year, everything should turn out fine.

The Monkey -  "I'm a complete failure. At everything I do, I'm absolutely worthless. I know this, and yet I continue to burden the human race with my presence. “ - Ritsu Sohma

Other Monkeys: Celia, Henry, Jake Rogers

The Monkey horoscope 2020 predicts that this year, you’ll have to make concerted efforts in order to get what you want. Important changes can take place at home or at work, so you need to be prepared. It would be ideal if you could remain confident when you actually feel like sweating. If you act rather than panic, you’ll find brilliant solutions and you’ll triumph over difficulties. Be convinced that life is made of renewals and that upheavals are useful because they allow you to make progress.

The Rooster - “I alone am free. I could go anywhere I please. I could love whomever I wish.” - Kureno Sohma

Other Roosters:  Marlin, Iseul, Adella, Belle, Artemis, Apollo, Jim, Sally, Georgette, Chase

The Rooster chinese horoscope 2020 predicts that this year, your focus will be on the sectors related to relations with others. Thus, it will be in your best interest to think of other people more. Whether in your work, love affairs or family life, don’t make any decisions without foreseeing its consequences on those around you. Good fortune will smile upon you if you put your family and friends first.

The Dog -  “Sometimes I think the whole world is conspiring to destroy my house.” - Shigure Sohma

Other Dogs: Reza, Hera, Minnie, Sarina, Melody, John, Elena

People born in the year of the Dog won’t have to complain about the stars in the year of the Rat 2020, for they will have good luck in most areas of their life. You will need to be patient and tenacious at work. If you’re wise enough to adapt yourself to new challenges that arise, you’ll strengthen your character and develop two key qualities — the art of negotiating and the ability to make sensible choices.

The Pig - “I will forgive him right after I kill him!” - Kagura Sohma

Other Pigs: Hercules, Dodger, Mitte, Jane, Wendy

2020 will be an extremely lucky year for all the people born in the year of the Pig.The pig has the last position among the twelve animals of the Chinese Zodiac. The Pig horoscope 2020 predicts that the astral climate will lighten. After a rather chaotic year, you’ll begin to feel better about yourself. However, there are still lessons to learn. First of all, show yourself to be extremely reasonable in all domains of your life. Next, vow to be more selfless. Finally, the more willing you are to modify your plans at the last minute, the better you’ll fare in all aspects of your life.

[anditendshowyoudexpect]

There remains a stigma attached to the word ‘breakdown’, when actually it’s a very legitimate response to life in the early twenty-first century. We are not designed for the non-stop world we live in, the pressures put upon us, and those we bring upon ourselves. For young people, especially, those pressures are becoming ever more intense. Social media, the battle for jobs, the speed with which we judge – it’s a lot easier for kids now to be made to feel inadequate in so many different ways. I worry about what any child picks up in their subconscious just through their daily interaction with the world. Societal pressure has got worse for children, and I hope my own experiences will make me better able to help my children tread that difficult path.

*

Billie was magnificent as Rose. I knew she was good at the time but looking back now I can see her absolute brilliance. It reminds me how much we loved working together, which is palpably obvious on screen. Actors work at chemistry; it doesn’t just come with a snap of the fingers, but we were fortunate enough to have something there from the start. We were also professionals and knew how to achieve on-screen banter. What truly amazes me is I know how nervous Billie was at the start. She thought I was some big serious performer and she didn’t have the belief in herself as an actor. She proved herself, of course, to be way better than any of the rest of us. Her luminosity on screen comes from herself, not those around her, and instinctively she made Rose exactly the person she should be. When Doctor Who won a BAFTA for Best Drama, it was Billie for whom I was truly delighted. The reception she got when the show was screened made any lingering reservations on her part about her ability evaporate. It was admirable in her that she had zero arrogance that she could do it. The work she has done since has shown her to be worthy of every accolade that comes her way.

Watching our characters now reinforces what I concluded at the time: Russell enjoys writing more for women than he does for men. If so, I’m glad – there’s been a lot of writing for men. Rose arrives on screen fully formed, one of the strongest female characters of any show of any year, painting a solid line leading directly to Jodie Whittaker. If you think about it, the relaunch in 2005 was actually the chance to create the first female Doctor. Why not do it then? Perhaps, really, we should be looking back on Billie Piper not as Rose but as the Doctor.

*

The attitude exists that, in the relationship between producer, director and actor, they are the adults and we are the children. I agree, actors can behave like children, they can be spoilt – but not this one, and not a lot of others I know. A working relationship can’t operate on a basis of master and servant. If a director, or anyone else on set, comes in and has bad manners, then chances are they’ll hear from me.

This idea that actors can be manipulated and pushed around to suit the agendas of others irritates me. On Shallow Grave, prior to the shoot, myself, Ewan McGregor and Kerry Fox lived in a flat together for a week. We rehearsed, read scenes, and got to know each other. I considered it to be a budgetary and practical arrangement, but after the film came out Danny talked about it as being a social experiment, which I objected to because to me it was like the director playing God. If Danny wanted to conduct an experiment to gauge our reaction and interaction to one another, he should have told us. Had I known, I would doubtless have gained something from the situation. Danny, I expect, would argue otherwise, that the actors wouldn’t get it. Well, I’m more intelligent than that. As it turned out, Danny’s plan was counterproductive because all it did was give myself, Kerry and Ewan a week to realise we didn’t like each other very much and didn’t get on. We had entirely different backgrounds, approaches to acting, and sensibilities. All three of us were also very, very ambitious and insecure with it. Danny would probably argue that that tension then manifested itself on screen. I think that’s bollocks. This idea of pitting one actor against another is dangerous, manipulative and patronising. The film would have been better without all that nonsense.

I’m not alone in feeling dismayed at misplaced directorial interference. Anthony Hopkins once arranged for the cast of Frankenstein to go for a Chinese meal during rehearsals. Anthony received a message from Francis Ford Coppola: ‘Francis doesn’t want you to go for a Chinese meal,’ it read, ‘because he feels it would break the atmosphere.’

Anthony Hopkins’ reaction was simple – ‘Bollocks, we’re going for a Chinese meal.’

*

In a way, Let Him Have It was an example of the British film industry bowing to American values. I hate Forrest Gump. I would like to burn every single copy of that film for the way it treats both mental health issues and women. A sexually free female character who ends up with AIDS? That tells you everything. I wanted to make an angrier, more polemical, more complicated film about a young man who deserved more than just to have the label ‘simple’ pinned to his lapel.

*

That presence, that intensity, that some people, not just Peter, have identified again comes from growing up, like most working class children, with the institutional message, ‘You’re stupid’, as did my father, as did my brothers. If you’re working class in this country, you may be able to shovel shit or push a trolley, but, ‘You are thick. You do not emote.’ ‘You are thick. You are not worthy of a decent education.’ Those central messages of unworthiness become so ingrained that they are self-perpetuating. Come up with a big word and not only are you mocked – ‘Oh, where did that come from?’ – but you mock yourself. So yes, I am intense, and that’s because there’s a lot of fierce concentration on trying to be articulate, rather than that laid-back public-school attitude to intellect that some people seem to have.

*

My dad had definitely shared with me a very visible masculinity. His appearance and actions shouted standard maleness, but the way I viewed him was different. It seemed obvious to me that, at his core, causing his outward behaviour, was a great femininity and vulnerability. My view of maleness was formed from how tyrannical my dad could be and yet how gentle. Through him, I learned to accept that the two things could coexist. I too have a masculinity allied to an intensely female side. Perhaps the difference is I’m aware of it. Dad, I think, found his sensitivity a source of conflict. For many years, I was the same. I resented it. I resented the part of me that made me different. If you are a late-twentieth-century male, traditional working-class, you are not going to like that side of yourself. I wanted to be black and white. I didn’t understand that it is the sensitive side that offers true insight in life – intuition and empathy.

*

Similarly, there’d be no bunches of flowers from Dad – none of that – and he didn’t like dancing – he was too self-conscious, too embarrassed – so Mum would always dance with somebody else.

I once went into my mum and dad’s room and saw a book, The Sun is my Tormentor, a Mandingo-esque novel of love and adventure, by Mum’s side of the bed. Seeing my mother in middle age and her desire for romance moved me deeply. It made me cry. I felt for her emptiness and also because I knew there were greater romantic novels that, because of her conditioning as being unworthy of such literature, she perhaps felt she couldn’t venture into.

*

We wrapped the production on Friday, had a party, and then on Saturday morning I’d arranged to go to Old Trafford with my dad. I was really looking forward to it – and he turned up with the season tickets from two years before. I’m disgusted with myself thinking about it now, but I gave him a bollocking. I was pissed off because I couldn’t go to the game. More than that, though, I was pissed off because he had dementia. That is shameful on my part, but genuinely that is the case. Maybe that shame is something others in the same position will recognise, an occasional presence of a selfish internal voice, one that so desperately craves ‘normality’.

I put my anger at his illness down to coming straight off the back of Flesh and Blood, with its fictional narrative so unflinchingly similar to my own non-fiction life. Amid that emotion, present as he always was whenever me and my dad knocked heads, was that little boy who was frightened of him. I definitely harboured residual anger towards him, a straight reflection of the anger he’d exhibited towards me. Sounds harsh, but he was getting back the temper he taught me. I was in control now. I’m not proud of that, and I’m not saying it’s right, but that’s how I justified it to myself.

I looked into his eyes and could see him trying to process what was going on. He was staring at the season tickets, semi-computing that they were the ones from two years ago, while trying to work out what the situation meant, and what should happen next. For ten seconds, my peripheral vision was blacked out, blinkered. All I saw was this big, fierce bird-like face looking around lost in confusion. I put Dad on the bus home, the route being familiar to him, and walked away. I rang later and explained to my mum what had happened. And then I started crying. I cried for four hours. That night I had a date with my girlfriend. I told her about it and cried all over again. I broke my heart like I’ve never broken my heart since. That moment of seeing his confusion had left a mark – not a bruise, but a deep, lasting weal. Until that point, I’d understood intellectually that my dad had dementia because we’d been told. But emotionally I hadn’t understood it at all. And then there, in the street outside Old Trafford, I’d been given a window into somebody going mad. Becoming demented. That’s the truth of it – demented. It’s a shocking word. We used to talk about demented dogs, and we shot them. When we say dementia, there’s no hiding the truth. It means people are demented. We can dress that up however we want, but there’s no denying the naked reality beneath. That day I had been presented with the stark vision of a man floundering in a maze of his mind’s own making. Not knowing who and where he was. And I’d just been horrible to him. And he was my dad.

*

Esme asked me the other day, ‘Daddy, do you like Mummy?’

‘Well,’ I said, ‘when me and Mummy met, we fell in love and had you. Having two children very quickly is hard on parents in a relationship and then Mummy and Daddy started to not like each other. Now, Esme, as you’ve seen, we are trying to be friends.’

As a child, I would have liked that level of honesty and candidness with my parents, but it was no more part of Ronnie and Elsie than it had been their parents, and so on and so on before. I completely understand that the openness switch was neither at their fingertips nor was it socially reinforced. Emotion could hold a working-class child back, make them unready for what was to come – what they were for. I am thankful to have been given the opportunity to have a more grounded relationship with my children. Before Albert and Esme, playing football, wrestling, doing a crossword or mock-boxing with my own dad were the happiest things I could ever imagine in my life. They go right to the heart of me. Now, I have a new happiness with my own children. And it is a happiness born of honesty.

The blight on that happiness is that I don’t live with them. I know I’ve yet to come to terms with that fact. This book will help, the increasing distance from the hospitalisation will help, but it’s something that will always hurt inside. The legal system could certainly help deliver balance for parents and children involved in separation and divorce. Hopefully, we are in the dog days of the Victorian view of men and women and their role in their children’s lives, which has led to institutional and historic bias. In the twenty-first century, an authentic emotional relationship can come from a man as much as a woman.

*

I wanted to throw a spotlight on the generations, the millions and millions, for whom ‘success’, defined as anything other than the basic survival of themselves and their family, was a concept of which they were denied to the extent that they were chained, leg, wrist and neck, to an institutionally blessed mindset of zero expectation. To those in charge of those institutions, the working class is as it describes. A production line of workers, nothing more, nothing less. People? With character, hope, intelligence, ambition? Forget it. Get back in your box and shut up.

I was asked a few years ago to go on the BBC genealogy show Who Do You Think You Are? I agreed and they started looking into my family tree. It says everything that the project went nowhere. They tugged aside the leaves on those branches and concluded, ‘Nothing to see here.’ Generations of working-class people dismissed. Individuals with their own hopes, dreams and stories. Not army generals, industrialists, vaudeville singers, but factory workers, farm labourers, cleaners, nothing in any way ‘sexy’ enough for TV.

No doubt if someone like me had popped up in the dim and distant, all would have been good. But why? My father had all my abilities, linguistically, physically, and then some. So, no doubt, did generations before him. I get that my life has been far more fulfilled than my father’s and those before him, but for me that makes him the far more interesting story. What do I know of life? I’m not driving stacker trucks all day at Colgate-Palmolive and then going to Bulmers and driving stacker trucks there all night. I’m not cleaning floors in a launderette like Mum. And yet how often is the story of the working class ever told on TV? I don’t mean the dross that is soaps. I mean properly told? The answer is less and less. Working-class stories don’t fit in boxsets. They don’t make money. They don’t fit the business model of selling to global TV. And yet they are the lives that talk to me, define me. They are the lives I find endlessly fascinating.

Christopher Eccleston, I Love the Bones of You

[sashagreypocket-blog]

Masturbate and Feel Good

male stroker "Masturbation... is simply not approved of the actual Lord not this religious organization, regardless of what can be said by those as their 'norms' are lower", Chief executive Kimball of the Religious organization involving Jesus Christ connected with Latter-Day Bienheureux (1981)

male stroker

"Every sperm is usually sacred. Each and every sperm is wonderful. If some sort of sperm is thrown away, Lord gets quite irate. very well Monty Python's The real meaning associated with Life.

A quotation generally used by various chapels in an effort for you to contain illicit serves amidst its people. Every single monserga on masturbation would likely estimate it, at least all of the sermons I have listened to. Within the circumstances, is the idea difficult to envision fleshlight as one of the particular biggest taboos in each of our society? Even today? Research education has done a new little to switch it. Can that mean people no longer masturbate? Certainly not. 00% of men and 70 percent of girls masturbate according to help various reports. The difficulty lies in the endorsement of the fact in which you masturbate. Clearly the story... a story regarding you.

A single night anyone were sitting on your own within your apartment eating lasagna. You decided to verify out a few new web sites on the net whilst you eat. So you journal on to the speed of your internet connection as well as start surfing. Inadvertently, you locate some piece of pornography(yes, online is quite entire of it! ) Shopping at those erotic (and often downright nasty photos) you feel a tingley amongst the legs. One issue leads to an additional and also you end up going bad your own underpants. Now enable me tell you one more story.

One night you are sitting alone in any pub drinking beer. Along with then some sort of most wonderful person penetrates the club. The person that reasons tingley between your lower limbs just investigating him or even her. You decide this you can't release this kind of opportunity to get in order to know this creation regarding god. And that means you move to this person and initiate little talk. One thing contributes to another and you conclusion up in your current condo.

Whether you are a new woman or possibly a man, typically the next morning you actually more than likely be jumping using delight in the first event. When you go out and about in the nighttime to be able to meet your friends, a person would not necessarily tell these people about the hot website you found and precisely how an individual jerked off for you to it. Even so, in often the second case, less complicated sharing with anyone who cared for to help listen how you possessed by far the most wonderful experience involving your life you get. The reason why? Well, maybe simply because self applied pleasure is, effectively, practically nothing special. You can accomplish the item anytime you would like. Of course influencing the actual person of your ambitions is very an accomplishment. Zero wonder you may need an market. But what when you have the friend like me. A pal who is crazy plenty of individuals you did anyone wank off yesterday evening? Ended up being it good? Precisely what could you do then? Would likely you inform your friend concerning the hot web site along with your experience? Would you actually merely say, "Yeah! The idea was wonderful! What with regards to you? " Or maybe will you pretend nothing acquired happened and lie... similar to you were somewhere different yesterday night time, or perhaps lead your pal in order to believe you got happy having someone?

I in the morning guessing you would probably do the particular latter. Most certainly you'll not acknowledge the act connected with masturbation. Rather you might elude the question in addition to alter the topic. And any time your close friend tells a person about a hot cure the same night, an individual would want a jar of water when you could possibly drown. Shame as well as shame would come over anyone and you would transform the issue in two times quick time period. Are you actually crazy? Noway! You will be simply one of the vast majority. And an amazing majority with that! Way more bulk that what George Rose bush had in the very last elections! The reason why -social fitness!

You are the same as the child who ran outside the movies hall that was screening process an adult film (mind a person, he had absolutely no business that they are there inside the first place! However each of the cinemas care in relation to is the good discounts associated with their tickets! )

After in the day, typically the buddy who had also been at the movies along with him, caught up together with him or her and asked, "Why from the hell's name does an individual run out? micron The youngster answered, "My mom explained if My spouse and i watched a woman acquiring naked I would switch to gemstone. And darn you Harry, a aspect of me was actually becoming stone! "

Unfortunately, often the social conditioning is definitely inappropriate. It is while wrong for the reason that social issue in 18-19th hundred years Of india, where widows were being compelled to burn well using their husbands. As drastically wrong as the church ended up being in using up Galileo with regard to implying everything was definitely not the centre from the whole world. Lily Tomlin placed it ideal, "We have reason why you should consider that man first strolled upright to free the hands for masturbation! inch If god didn't desire us to masturbate, possibly we would still become walking such as dogs and also horses!

Typically the social health and fitness is a result regarding several myths, lies along with hoaxes perpetrated by many individuals regarding personal gain. Unfortunately, that conditioning is actually like a hard enthusiast, very tough to fracture. However, with effort in addition to chanelising your energies, you may break it. Remember, the actual nuts that crack the toughest, are often the versions that taste the top! Anyone must be wondering, what sort of hell does it subject if you are guilty about fleshlight. Why wouldn't you spend time smashing this housing?

Certain objective believe that guiltiness cognizant, whether sexual remorse or perhaps in any other application form, is the most detrimental element on your mental well being. Others find that it is one involving the most destructive. Yet the biggest effect connected with guilt conscious in my opinion offers been a lack associated with confidence throughout self. At this point you are an brilliant reader. I don't want to clarify you the particular importance of self self-confidence. Specific your career, romantic relationships or any some other feature of life, lack regarding self-assurance can bring your own personal downfall. I am not really implying which will you start off to feel more secure regarding masturbation, you would certainly succeed in almost all features of life. But this will be nice step to be able to take. A useless sense of guilt that should, and they are eliminated from your mind. Recall, an ocean is built of tiny droplets involving water. Eradicate a decline at a time since due time, the water would be empty! Involving course it will take numerous millennia! The good news is, you have a tendency have an ocean rich in guily! Just some naggings occasionally!

The first action towards eradication with this shame is knowledge. There are actually hundreds and hundreds of myths around fleshlight. Most of them perpetrated by certitude, unfortunately. Nevertheless some perpetrated by simply con runners. Lets look into typically the most important ones.

one particular. Fleshlight is against often the will connected with god.

Hokum. At a single point the actual church regarded as anyone who else was overtly ardent for you to his wife a adultrater. Follow that instructing as well as your wife would end up being doing adultery! Several clergymen have become on record to help say which not merely the church's coaching concerning sexuality were not related in order to the scriptures, but that they can caused more harm when compared with good amongst people. Aside from, nowhere in the non secular instruction of any key foi is masturbation regarded incorrect.

2. Masturbation can cause erectile dysfunction.

Most men and even several girls seem to think and so. Wrong again. Lets undertake the repair of the males first. Its understandable that seeing their very own sperm flow out associated with themselves, they think that may end sometimes. Effectively, it will end eventually... maybe when you are generally 100 years old. Although until then don't be anxious. Your sperm bank is fairly unlike Standard Chartered. You could have unlimited credit here! Ejaculate is a completely replenishable useful resource, renewable on the hourly foundation! For girls, well, there is simply no schedule in the hypothesis. Probably perpetrated by outdated ladies who also never experienced an ejaculation in all their entire life!

several. Fleshlight causes acne, hairloss, skin area diseases.

This one will be my favorite. Mainly due to the fact it is one of several a great deal better scams of all occasions! Your own personal social conditioning would likely have you feel that fleshlight is not particularly healthy. But awful how? No person would present you a satisfying reply! Now some scam music artists saw this as a good fine opportunity to will sell their products just like frizzy hair growth lotions, etc. Considering that most people start masturbating throughout their teens, (the periods of pimple and additional skin problems), they'd possess you believe that this particular is a result of masturbation! Unfortunately for them, it is seeing that untrue as the direct sun light rising from the western world! Fleshlight has no actual side effects!

some. Masturbating will make you slender and skinny!

Then there is no need for diet program pills and exercise routines my friend! And almost all surely 70% of US would not be overweight!

your five. Merely Kids masturbate!

Exactly why can you say that? My partner and i wonder! Very well quite not true, most grownups masturbate... yes even after marital life!

some. Masturbation is for guys.

And it is intended for 70% in the women way too. That's right, 2/3 regarding all females masturbate!

8. Only losers masturbate!

Yet another of my favorites. Simply goes to show merely how much of the taboo is masturbation! Right off the bat, 00% of males and also seventy percent of females have got masturbated at least once with their existence. Now that will is a hell of your lot of losers avoid you feel! Nothing far more that I can also add genuinely... this is really the particular supreme insecurity amongst men and women with regards to self pleasure.

6. Fleshlight is for homosexuals.

Wow. Exactly where did in which one originate! An individual have to make a etymology of the myths, would make to get an intriguing read! Merely as untrue because just about all these myths, masturbation along with homosexuality have nothing in accordance. Some people masturbate to be able to their dreams of contrary sex, some others to their own fantasies of similar sexual. That's it.

being unfaithful. Fleshlight will make you impaired!

Others claim that fleshlight is usually bad for your personal eyesight. Nonetheless their states are unsupported by specifics and health care advice. We suggest you talk for you to your standard physician in addition to he will describe anyone what a load involving bull this is.

twelve. Fleshlight changes the appearance of your manhood

Nicely, it does make the idea firm. But believe us, after you orgasm, the firmness fully gone! So no. Fleshlight provides absolutely no influence on how the penis appears to be.

[smelly-cassettes]

take the risk - Chapter 2

Archie Sutton wants to be a professional surfer. Gorillaz is a garage band that plays on the beach. Archie’s infatuation with one of the members makes everything so much better. But will a little rock in the ocean halt him from achieving his dreams?

Here’s chapter 1 if you missed it

Au by @putinsstepdad

Tagging @uncamurdy2 because it’s starchie

Read it on ao3 here

6k works/over 10k in total so far

There’s a song for every chapter

Thank you so much for the support<3333

(If you see any weird things like “<em>” it’s just formatting stuff. This is pasted from my ao3)

some then a cut

~

"‘Surfs up?’ That’s literally the worst name I’ve ever heard for a competition. Actually, no. Scratch that. That’s the worst thing I’ve heard for any kind of title. It’s like they ripped off seventies hippie slang and was like ‘Perfect. This is what we’re naming our competition. Not cliche at all.’”

“I never thought someone who doesn’t even surf was so passionate about surfing competitions.”

Lindsay rolled her eyes. “I’m not actually worried ‘bout it. I just think it’s a stupid name.” Archie laughed at her comments and mumbled out his agreement.

Surfs Up really was a stupid name for a surfing competition yet it’s the best one to go to if you want to make it as a surfer professionally. It was Archie’s one chance in becoming an actual professional surfer to the point where he could make money and leave the beach he was at to chase his dream. It sounds all very one-pathic and like a sugar coated goal but this was real stuff. Winning Surfs Up immediately gives you a spot in nationals which in itself has a dozen perks. Even if you don’t win you get featured in enough magazines to boost your title. Not to mention that the competition was only a few short months away.

Maybe morally speaking, your title isn’t everything. Surf speaking, your title is your career. It’s a job being an influencer like any other where being higher up in the media scale meant your talent is good enough to be seen by everyone, no matter your interest (or disinterest). Archie didn’t really care whether or not he was social media famous--though that is nice to think about--he just wanted to make it to the big leagues to compete. Competitions are fun for Archie, but he also longs for that sense of work; for that one thing that’ll drive him every day to be better than he is now.

“Stupid name or not, I gotta win.” Archie grinned and bit the inside of his cheek. He was playing with the grooves in between the long, thin pieces of wood that put together the top part of the picnic table he and Lindsay were sitting at. It was hot today. Very hot, and being on the beach today made it way hotter next to the steaming sand, but it was nice in the shade beneath the umbrella that stood up from the middle of the picnic table.

There were lots of people out on the beach this morning, mostly just families of mothers and fathers with their kids enjoying the sun and swimming the afternoon away. Besides that, it was actually pretty quiet. The ocean made sounds against the sand on the shore, waves crashing on top of itself, seagulls doing their usual chirps. It was always quieter on the strip where he and Linsday sat before their afternoon shifts, the strip was busy in the evening where tourists bought their souvenirs and the families from the beach came to grab dinner.

“Think you’ve got it this year?” Lindsay asks and Archie nods.

“Damn sure hope so. Told you, last year was just a test run.” Archie responds, focusing on the grooves in the wood more than he would normally. “I love this beach but...I can’t be here forever.”

The last part of that sentence made Archie’s throat swell up and almost hurt saying it. This beach to Archie was like his backyard, his van his home, and the restaurant his family. The concerts he’d go to at night and the years it took of memorizing the ocean in front of him, he didn’t want to leave it, but Archie was willing to give anything to be a professional.

What would probably suck the most out of that whole transition of switching beaches every week and travelling everywhere for work is that Archie would no longer be able to see the Gorillaz in their amazing beach concerts. It was one of the very few, what you may or may not call “social situations” that Archie would include himself in voluntarily. Not only that but Gorillaz was so fucking amazing. The beach concerts were the best, Gorillaz music echoing against the buildings on the strip and only about a hundred, maybe two, at the beach watching. Not many people advertised when or where their music was playing, the Gorillaz being huge examples of that, so there weren’t too many that showed up because nobody knew what band or at what time. Archie only knew because he worked on the beach and either he heard the music or somebody told him who was playing at the amphitheater down the strip.

“Yeah, I get it.” Lindsay responds with a warm look. “I don’t think you should be here forever either. No offense.” She grins and brushes her dark hair back over her shoulder with her hand.

“None taken.” The side of Archie’s lip curls into a smile but slowly transitions back to a more glum look while he picks up his phone that was faced down on the table and clicks the bottom button to turn on his screen. He bites his lip and stares at the pink and yellow There Is No Future album cover set as his current lockscreen and his face turns into disappointment at the lack of notification. He doesn’t really know exactly what he was expecting but checking his screen became a recent habit of his and it was getting on his nerves.

“Still nothing?” Lindsay asks. She knows about the whole Gorillaz ordeal. Lindsay knew a lot about Archie, actually. They’ve been working together for three years and he lives at the restaurant, how could she not?

“Hm?” Archie turns his attention up and sets his phone down. He didn’t even realize he wasn’t paying attention in the first place.

“That guy you met, he hasn’t answered?”

Archie was actually a little upset at the thought of Gorillaz for the past few days. He hasn’t received a single text since talking to 2D that one night at Seasides and it was beginning to get to him. It was more an anxious feeling than anything, like the silent regret of giving 2D his phone number in the first place. It was probably too forward and 2D was just being nice by taking it. Archie calmed these thoughts by telling himself that 2D was most likely busy, or there just wasn’t a show that they were doing. That last one was a little weird because Gorillaz typically performed once a week or two on the beach or in a local bar, but here Archie is about four weeks later and a little deprived of the great Gorillaz content he craves so much. The Gorillaz didn’t owe Archie anything, to be fair. Still, he wants to support them in any way possible.

Archie shook his head and shrugged one of his shoulders. “Yeah, no text yet.” Lindsay gave a somewhat cryptic look through her green eyes.

“That’s strange. Are you still going to their concert tonight?” She asks, taking Archie a little by surprise, he hasn’t heard a peep from the band in what feels like a decade.

“I didn’t know they were having a concert tonight.” Archie confessed honestly. This is how he found out a lot of the time, though. Mutuals talking upon each other until one brings it up and Archie plans the night around the one event. “But yeah, I wouldn’t miss it. Are you going too?” He asks and Lindsay shakes her head, her straight hair falling back in front of her shoulders and waving and whipping with her movements.

“Got class in the morning and we both work until close.” She speaks effortlessly. Lindsay was the same age as Archie, well, a year younger technically but same graduation class. She attended college while still living with her parents and is really close to graduating with her bachelors in general health and then she’s going into sports medicine. Archie looked up to her in a way, always working and gets things done no matter how hard. Given she still complains all the time but anyone would with her schedule.

Archie nods and observes his phone for a brief second but averts his eyes back up to Lindsay once he realizes. Lindsay notices and laughs at Archie.

“Just ask him out already, geez.” She chirps teasingly.

“I don’t have his number!” He exclaims back and Lindsay covers her mouth to muffle her giggles. “I mean if I did I still wouldn’t. I’m just waiting for a text.”

Just a text.

“Well you have fun with that.” Lindsay continues her childish giggles and stands from the picnic table to stretch. Archie takes this as his signal to also stand and grab his phone to check one last time but a thin dainty hand with short and chipped yellow nail polish covers his screen. “Just go to the concert, Arch. Reunite with your super hot band guy and then when you’re about to kiss, yell at him for not texting you back.” Archie chuckled sheepishly at Lindsay’s comment putting the weirdest image in his brain. Always the most charming speeches from her.

“Okay.��� Archie breaths out with a shake of his head and Lindsay laughs again, hitting his arm with her palm lightly.

“Shift starts in an hour and I wanna run home for a few minutes.” She stretches again. Archie nods and gives her another okay and waves to send her off. He lifts his phone to click the button that was probably going to break today from turning his screen on so much.

Nothing. Archie sighs.

He shouldn’t let this one thing get him down, it was only a text message, how petty. Archie could still go to the concert tonight and see them, maybe talk to 2D if he gets the chance but no bets are being taken. Archie looks over away from the strip to the ocean. It was unbelievably blue and perfect out, given the families might leave with a few more sunburns than anyone would ask for, but still the perfect day. Archie breathed in the warm air and slowly exhaled it out. Maybe he’ll go out for a wave or two before his shift.

The day is extremely fast paced yet endlessly long and exhausting like all saturday’s at Seasides. Saturday’s were the days off, the weekend away, the day in the sun before going back to work or school the next monday. At least that’s kind of how it goes for most people, everyone that doesn’t work a beachside job like Archie. He can’t really complain with the number of good things he gets out of his job like minimal hours and being thirty feet away from his bed and not needing to work for any particular bills or anything, but working Saturday’s sucked because it was crowded and full of kids and sand and water--not that Archie can defend him complaint with that one either without being a hypocrite.

Point is that it’s been a long day and Archie can’t decide whether or not he wants to get up from his old boxy futon that feels like heaven right now or go to the Gorillaz concert that he only just found out about this morning with Lindsay. He lifts his phone and opens his messages to see a list of people he’s talked to over the past few months, dead end messages and nobody he really keeps up with besides maybe a “can you come into work asap please? Thank you.”

There were no new messages. Irritated at himself, he turned his phone completely off and sat up on the bed quick enough to have his hair fall in front of his face, the yellow-green becoming more apparent so close to his eye that he couldn’t focus on it entirely. He brushed it back with one of his hands and used the other to check the time on his wrist.

It was already almost ten thirty and most beach concerts only ran from ten to eleven, rarely longer because of beach rules to have everyone off by midnight. If Archie wanted to see the Gorillaz he’d have to go now even if he was only five minutes walking distance from the amphitheater, but first he’d have to get out of these greasy smelling clothes.

The stage was beautiful, like always. Black flooring on top of grey concrete that made up the entire bottom part of the theater, thick black tent-like fabric on top and directly next to it were all the stage lights that could shine any color on any band. Also along the lights were Archie’s favorite part, the fog machines. For some reason they just made everything so much cooler and exciting. All of this was set in the sand faced away from the ocean.  

The Gorillaz set was really good tonight, too. There were a couple of songs that he hadn’t heard before, which he’s assuming is the reason he hasn’t heard of any concerts recently either.

During the concert Archie watches 2D without even really thinking. He’d slowly look away to take in the view of something else like Noodle’s guitar or which part of the drum Russel is hitting, but his eyes would always move back to 2D like a magnet. 2D was in a very casual getup of jean shorts and a very ripped and worn plain grey t-shirt that was lazily tucked into the front of his shorts. Through some of the many rips in the shirt Archie could see 2D’s pale torso and he could only wonder how somebody could manage to stay that pale so close to the equator. On the off chances when 2D lifted his arms to get the crowd to cheer or sing with him, his shirt rode up and Archie could see a little more, but the harsh defined lines of his hip bones were about the tip of what exposed. His hair was sweaty and messy and bounced around his face while he moved about the stage and his black eyes looking around mysteriously. At one point Archie swears 2D is looking in his direction because he doesn’t blink or move for a few seconds and Archie can feel a weird tension crawling up his back, like it was signaling him to look away but he couldn’t.

2D’s singing was all the more exhilarating, stinging every inch of Archie’s skin and making his muscles vibrate with every movement that 2D made. Why Archie was memorizing all of these fine details? He didn’t know. Maybe it was just because he hasn’t seen a performance in a while. On one hand it freaked him out and made him question every thought in his head but on the other hand it was exuberance and he never wanted it to stop.

But what caught Archie’s eye the most was the fact that he’s never seen 2D out of jeans and a jacket. That in itself wasn’t surprising and sounds kind of silly worded like that, but it wasn’t because 2D was wearing shorts that caught him off guard, but everything around it. Archie could see pink and purple bruise-like scars that covered 2D’s shins and forearms. With them there was also divots in his skin here and there, similar to acne scars but instead of a lot of small ones he had a few big ones, the type of scars from chunks of flesh being taken away from the skin but they were very aged. 2D’s marks weren’t new enough to be actual bruises, they were scars for sure, and Archie knew exactly what they were from.

Their set was over before Archie even knew it--probably because he got there later than ever--and he was conflicted. Gorillaz exited the stage and people started shuffling off the beach almost hurriedly, people needing to get home to sleep before work in the morning and some just rushing to get warmer. That was a downside to the beach at night is that it’s like a desert, hotter than hell during light hours and freezing cold during dark hours. Archie internally debates on leaving with the crowd so he doesn’t look like the last one standing on the beach for no reason, but he also feels like he should talk to 2D. What Archie didn’t know for sure is that while he was tossing ideas around in his brain he was standing in that spot for longer than he thought and he didn’t budge until a voice broke him out of his tranced state.

“Are you ‘ere for the after party?” The voice questioned and made Archie nearly physically jump where he was. Archie turned to the voice and met with a face a lot closer to his than he was expecting and he jumped back scaredly. 2D laughed and his black eyes squinted from his raised cheeks. Archie’s face heated, embarrassed.

“A-after party?” Archie asked. He’s never been to an after party for Gorillaz before, how has he been missing out on these?

“It was jus’ a joke.” 2D’s laughter caught the end of his sentence and Archie felt even more embarrassed but before he could answer 2D placed his hand on Archie’s back, making his speech pause. “Come on, we’ve been waitin’ to see ya.”

Archie’s brows furrowed in thought, wondering how they’ve been waiting for him if they didn’t know Archie was going to be there in the first place. Or maybe they did know and he didn’t know, still never receiving any notice by text or anything of the sort. Strangely, that seems like more of the case here.

2D lead Archie to the back of the stage that contained the electric set for lighting and sound on for the stage. Russel was currently playing with it, flipping switches and turning knobs in ways that Archie would never understand or care to learn.

“Good?” Russel asked loudly, like he was shouting to someone else. A smaller voice shouted back from beside Archie.

“Good! Next!” The fainter voice sounded back. Bands were in charge of setting up and taking down their own equipment along with taking care of the sound and lights by themselves and it seems like they were all preparing their leave.

2D and Archie approached Russel and 2D’s hand left Archie’s back and returned to his side, a part of Archie wishing it hadn’t.

“Russ, this is, um…” 2D’s voice stopped midway trying to introduce Archie and comprehended the thought that he never learned Archie’s name.

“Archie.” He helped out and reached to shake Russel’s hand and Russel smiled fondly, holding Archie’s hand and shaking it briefly before returning to his work on the electric box. 2D gave Archie a stare visible enough to receive Archie’s attention but 2D looked away as soon as he made eye contact.

“Thanks for the help.” Grunted someone behind them, breaking the tension. “Don’t worry, we cleaned up ourselves no thanks to you.” Archie noticed this man as Murdoc, the bass for the Gorillaz.

“What, you need a hand carrying amps?” Russel chimed in, closing the electric box and standing up next to 2D. “I thought you were stronger than that, Muds.” He snickered and Murdoc’s face changed from anger and annoyance to a bit more egotistical.

“Yeah right, like I’m that weak.” Murdoc replied and Russel raised an eyebrow. They both knew exactly what Russel was doing and yet Murdoc was falling perfectly into it.

“So what did you need our help for?” He asked back and tied the knot. The insult finally setting into Murdoc’s face and the rest of the band laughed. The teasing was amusing to Archie, he was interested to see the types of relationships they all had with each other. As they were talking, the last band member approached, a young woman only standing to about five feet in skinny jeans and a leather jacket. This was Noodle.

“Murdoc, Noodle. This is Archie.” 2D said proudly now that he knew Archie’s name and Archie exchanged a smile with Noodle and well, he smiled at Murdoc but he didn’t really give anything back but he shook Archie’s hand politely enough to count as something.

“Introductions are nice and all,” Murdoc began. “But we gotta be off this sand in ten minutes and I don’t feel like interacting with beach security so if we could go before then, that’d be great.”

“Yeah me neither, we should go.” 2D answered and they all began shuffling towards a van. At this point Archie didn’t know whether to just go back to his van or not but once again, 2D interrupted his thoughts with, “Are you coming?”

“Okay so I’m just going to break the ice here and ask how you two know each other?” Noodle asks with a corona extra in her hand and sits in a folding chair at a small circular wooden dining table. They were hanging out in 2D’s garage, or moreso his parents garage--supposedly they weren't home--but surprisingly cozy with couches with so many signs and tools against the walls that Archie couldn’t exactly tell what color it was. Not high end or decked out with expensive items by any means, but a cool hang out spot.

Archie takes a seat next to Noodle and glances at 2D, wondering if he’s going to answer Noodle or if Archie should do it himself. 2D was preoccupied in the fridge looking at his whole two beer options to notice that Noodle asked a question. Archie chuckled at 2D’s befuddlement but turned his attention to Noodle.

“I work at Seasides.” He answers as Russel and Murdoc take seats on the opposite side of the table.

“The diner we booked last month?” Murdoc asked and popped open his beer. Archie nodded and explained the situation further. He left out most of it and left in just the part of them meeting and Archie being a fan of their music; he thought it might be better to leave out the whole waiting for a text thing.

“Why do you work there?” Russel asks out of curiosity and starts shuffling a deck of cards. 2D sits next to Archie after he finally made his decision on what beer to take.

“Money, why else?” Archie responds with a small laugh. He earns a small “that’s true” and continues. “I just need enough for food and surf competition entries. That’s the-”

“You surf?” 2D and Noodle ask in unison and Archie looks at them a bit confused.

“Yeah. Have been since I was little.” He answers.

“That’s so cool.” Noodle says back and picks up her hand of cards that Russ dealt out. 2D just stared at Archie which was both flattering and amusing.

“Wait...Sutton?” 2D asked and Archie felt a familiar feeling in his nerves. He was asked that exact phrase probably five times a day from little kids at work right before he was asked for an autograph or picture. To adults he was just another kid that liked surfing, but to the kids he was a celebrity. It was cute.

“Yeah, that’s me. Didn’t recognize from the hair?” He joked, his light green locks still flowing down unlike during competitions. It was the biggest reason he wasn’t easily recognizable outside of comps.

“That’s crazy.” 2D says, still baffled. “I’ve seen you at competitions before, you’re amazing.” The gushing by 2D made Archie’s insides twist and his face heat up. Archie smiled with a slightly nervous laugh.

“Ditto.” Archie answered and opened his beer, never looking away from 2D’s eyes. They stayed staring at each other while Archie opened, drank, and set down his beer, never breaking gaze and not stopping until they’re both smiling like complete weirdos.

“Must be why you’re a server, then, yeah?” Murdoc snarks and Noodle flicks the side of his head. Murdoc flinches and puts his hand over the place she flicked.

“Ow--hey! It was a joke, calm down.” He retaliated and Noodle contentedly smiles.

Archie was asked a lot of questions about himself. His job, where he lives, competitions he’s done before, etcetera. It was all just the basics of describing how he lived in a van and never left the beach unless he had to--which was still never. And Archie learned a lot about them, too. Noodle lives at home with her foster parents because she’s only seventeen and can’t really leave yet. Her biological parents are full Japanese but she has no idea who they are, only that she was put in foster care at eight years old and adopted quickly by a nice older couple. Noodle also graduated high school at sixteen and is supposedly the smartest book-wise out of the group.

Russ apparently suffers through living with poltergeists and other spirits that don’t leave him alone, plus he dropped out of school early senior year, but otherwise leads a pretty happy life with friends, music, and his full time job as a cook in a diner downtown. Murdoc graduated with bad grades because he started working at fourteen and never had time for anything else. He grew up with a verbally abusive family and he only dedicated time into guitar and work, moving out at seventeen and finding Russel through a roommate ad until he was eighteen and could sign a lease of his own but only moved a short two floors down in the same apartment building as Russel.

2D worked part time at a gas station and lived with his parents, which is actually their garage that they were seated at now, but he didn’t stay there often. 2D suffered from a list of traumas like a car crash that fractured his eyes and made them go mostly black, given the white or red spot that Archie never noticed from afar, and a shark attack when he was really young that gave him the many scars along his arms and legs.

“You get inna lot of trouble, don’t you?” Archie asked 2D when he heard the story and 2D laughed with a nod. 2D didn’t respond to him, Archie just memorized 2D’s smile. Slightly crooked teeth, one gold tooth on the bottom and a little discoloration on his to front teeth--cigarette marks. Blue hair, black eyes, thin lips. 2D glanced up and Archie looked away.

Russel and Murdoc are the ones that began the band in the year that they lived together. Russ already knew drums and ukulele meanwhile Murdoc knew bass and together they had some form of a band, but they needed another guitarist and a singer. Soon enough, after three weeks and a few different interviews, they had met Noodle. 2D was picked up after Murdoc found online videos of his singing and piano playing, finding out that this blue haired kid lived in the same city only a few miles away from them. Thus, Gorillaz was born and they began making music, only performing at local bars in their downtime until they could make a full career out of it. Yet they haven’t, but Russ said that they now have tickets and merch to some of their concerts so they bring in a little bit of money.

They’ve all been sitting in the garage for an hour now, playing round after round of rummy and telling endless stories to Archie about their jobs and concerts, like when equipment dies during a set or one time where 2D literally forgot the lyrics to a new song and had to stop midway and start a new song. They told Archie a lot of stories and he told a few back about surfing and working, but he didn’t have anything near as interesting as poltergeists or crazy car accidents.

It was the strangest feeling, too. Archie never once felt that night like they were idols or celebrities like a standard band member would, but why should he? They were all just young adults just like him that had jobs but also happened to be in a band--who made super good music, might he add. Archie kind of forgot about how he looked up to them in that one short hour and molded into the conversations like he would with anyone else. It was a rush, in a certain garage-full-of-tipsy-young-adults sense.

Archie took a liking to them all. Murdoc made weird jokes that nobody really laughed at, Noodle played hard and won almost every round, Russ was strategic and laid the most sets, meanwhile 2D stared blankly and confused and always discarded things he could actually play. Archie was convinced that 2D didn’t know how to play and it was amusing to everyone, but they all acted like he just got bad cards and cheered him on. It was baffling that he actually won a couple rounds. 2D still didn’t even notice until he realized he had no cards left and asked who took them.

“Beer run. Who wants another?” Noodle asks and stands. Everyone raises their hands besides Russel.

“I gotta drive you two back, don’t forget.” Russel added giving a look to Murdoc and Noodle. Noodle gave a thumbs up and proceeded her journey to the fridge.

“How you feelin’, Arch?” 2D asks with his face leaned against his hand. 2D stared at Archie lazily and lightly tapped Archie’s knee with his knuckle. Archie laughed at his lightweighted state.

“I’m feeling fine, how are you?” Archie asks back and bumps 2D’s knee like he just did. 2D smiles and giggles but doesn’t answer the question.

“Pet names already?” Murdoc teases. “Doesn’t that usually come after the date?”

“Who’s on a date now?” 2D squints at Murdoc. Archie was a little afraid to think what he thought Murdoc was implying.

Archie was gay, and he wasn’t really the most open about it. He never hid himself but it’s not something he told straight up unless he was asked and only to people he knew. Lindsay didn’t find out for at least a year working together, but she never freaked out or treated it like bigger than it is. Archie was just so used to being treated like he was the abnormal one in the group. It was part of the reason he dropped out of school so young, it was annoying being asked about your sexuality every day. Murdoc didn’t make Archie uncomfortable, only experiencing the weird feeling of treating his sexuality like it’s normal.

“Stop makings weird, Muds.” Noodle criticized and bumped the back of his head with his beer bottle before slamming it down in front of him. Murdoc flinched again and squinted at her while she passed around drinks.

“I’m gonna have a concussion by the end of the night because of you.” Murdoc spoke and Noodle opened her beer with a smirk.

“Good.”

“So,” 2D starts to veer off their topic while he shuffles cards for the next round. “What do your parents do, Archie?” It was almost like the question was on cue, interrupting the thoughts in Archie’s head. All the attention was on him now. He cleared his throat.

“Uhm, well, my father has always been into construction and electric services. Last I knew my mother was a sales rep but she changes jobs a lot, I don’t know what she’s doing now.” Archie explained. It was weird to call his parents by “mom” or “dad” in any context. He hasn’t called them that since he lived there. Long time ago.

“Last you knew?” Russ asks and Archie nods. He’s not sure if he should go in depth on his whole relationship or not. Archie chooses the latter.

“Well I uh, we haven’t talked in a little while. M’not sure what they’re up to.” Archie shrugs and opens his new beer.

“It’s nice to keep in touch while you’re still young.” Noodle answers and lifts the cards being dealt to her. “Not all of us can do that, y’know?” She asks and Archie nods. It’s not her fault that she doesn’t know how Archie falls into that spectrum.

“Yeah, I’ll visit soon.” He lies and lifts his cards and his beer. Archie doesn’t believe it’s time for him to visit home soon in any means, but they don’t really need to know that, so he stays quiet.

Another hour of drinks, cards, and dumb drunk jokes passed and it was nearing one in the morning. Their laughs and dizzy brains started to tire out and Russ was the first one to call the shots, throwing his cards down and giving an “okay we should go before I get too tired and can’t drive.” Apparently Murdoc had some hot date to get to (which was a total lie, nobody would be going on a date with Murdoc at one in the morning), and Noodle had to sneak in before getting in trouble for being out too late, though it was late enough for her to get in trouble anyways. That said, Russ, Noodle, and Murdoc said their goodbyes and nice-to-meet-you’s and shuffle into Russel’s car, driving off to their respectful homes. 2D and Archie were left in the garage, Archie helping to dispose of empty bottles and pick up cards despite 2D telling him that he didn’t have to. “It’s just cards, no big deal,” Archie spoke and 2D just shrugged it off.

“I should probably go, too. Are you sober?” Archie asked and 2D gave him a nervous look.

Shit.

“Uhh, no.” 2D says bluntly. “But I have room if you wanna just stay. I kind of don’t want to kill you tonight.” Archie laughs.

“It’s cool. I can call a cab.” Archie says with a stretch. It feels like his brain was swirling around in his head and he only had a couple beers. Archie searches around in his pocket for his phone but quickly noticed that it wasn’t in his usual spot in his back pocket, finally remembering that he left it on his futon when he got fed up with the text messages. Or lack thereof.

“Just save the fifteen bucks and sleep in my bed.” 2D says lazily and Archie smirks at him. 2D’s words set into his eyes and he got flustered. “No wait I didn’t me-”

“Oh, so you do just want me in your bed?” Archie mocked. He wouldn’t make that sexual of a joke if he was sober but neither of them were innocent now. 2D’s expression changed and he stared at Archie skeptically.

“Well obviously.” 2D said back very seriously. Archie was surprised that 2D was playing along now after trying to take back his flirty comment. “Whole plan all along, you couldn’t tell?” Archie blushed subconsciously. Or maybe it was just the alcohol. Either way he was flustered.

“No, sorry. Too focused on your body I just couldn’t look away.” Archie was surprising himself with the amount of gay comments he was springing out, and to 2D of all people, and what was more baffling is that 2D didn’t care. 2D held his arm out and waved it towards Archie.

“Then help this body up. ‘Think I might fall if I tried myself.” 2D commented and Archie gave him a look that said “really?” 2D knew exactly what he was thinking and nodded. With a dramatic sigh, Archie pulled 2D’s arm and lifted the man to his feet but 2D just crashed into Archie with a tired bump and a couple giggles. The closeness Archie had to 2D’s face now was intense and ran the same familiar tension up his spine as they stood with Archie’s hands on 2D’s waist and 2D’s hands on Archie’s biceps. Archie looked from one of 2D’s eyes to the other and 2D just stares back without much expression, or maybe it was just his eyes. It was always his eyes.

This is the part in the story where one person kisses the other, but Archie doesn’t think he has it in him, he's not drunk enough to do that. Archie darts his eyes away quickly and wraps one arm around 2D to sturdy him and keep him from collapsing on the garage floor. 2D holds onto Archie while they walk into the house and they don’t talk along the way besides Archie asking “where do I go?” and hardly getting an answer out of 2D. Archie bumped into a few walls because of 2D's towering height being hard to hold up and 2D only responded with giggles and gripping onto Archie for support.

Eventually Archie finds a bedroom and walks in with the drunk 2D and throws him on the bed almost mercilessly. 2D only grunts in response and Archie laughs. He’s pretty sure 2D was sleeping on the way to his room because as soon as he hit the bed, he was dead. Archie stood at stared at 2D for a moment before laughing again and walking over to attempt to pull 2D’s lazy form up higher on the bed but barely winning. He’ll have to survive completely clothed and half off the bed tonight.

Archie didn’t even bother trying to find a couch or another bedroom to sleep in, he was too tired and the house was almost too dark to see in for that, so he just flopped next to 2D in this decent sized queen bed and let his head spin itself to sleep. But before he fully drifted off, he felt the bed shift and noticed 2D rolling beside him. Archie stayed still, mostly because he couldn’t move if he tried, but also because he assumed 2D was just getting comfortable. He was pretty much right, with the small exception of 2D rolling over almost onto Archie. Okay, he wasn’t on top of Archie but 2D snaked his arms around one of Archie’s and leaned his head against his shoulder and fell right back asleep. Sleep cuddler, he never would have guessed. Archie was too tired and sure his body was already asleep so he couldn’t respond anyways so he just let his brain whirl to sleep along with it.

Man, what an insane day.

[madstars-festival]

AD STARS JURY 2021: MEET MARVIN RAMOS, LEO BURNETT VIETNAM

Two years ago, Marvin Ramos left Publicis JimenezBasic in the Philippines to take on an entirely new challenge as Creative Lead at Leo Burnett in Vietnam. He is joining our Preliminary Jury for the second year running.

Many talented creatives in the Philippines eventually make their way to other markets, including Marvin Ramos, whose career began as an intern at DDB Philippines in 2010. Since then, he’s worked everywhere from Ogilvy & Mather to Publicis Manila and Cheil Worldwide in the Philippines, before moving to Leo Burnett Vietnam as Creative Lead in 2019.

It’s been two years since you moved to Vietnam. What made you jump at the opportunity to move there in the first place?

I was at a point in my life where I kept asking myself what’s next. So many things were happening at that time and I considered the opportunity as a sign. And so I grabbed it. Best life decision yet. The greatest thing about being a stranger is that it allows me to be a total sponge. Culturally there are similarities, but still there are a lot of things to discover: food, traditions, pop culture trends, etc. You name it, there’s something new to absorb every day.  And while the language is a barrier, I’m just grateful that I work in an industry where we use the universal language of creativity and humanity.

What is it like to live in Ho Chi Minh City: how does the city inspire you? How does it differ from the creative landscape in the Philippines?

Saigon is same same but different from Manila. Both are craaaazy busy cities. As a creative landscape, I find Manila to be more adjusted to global trends whereas Saigon is really full of vibrant culture and a local touch. Saigon is like one big art hub, which I love. The creative scene here is thriving. So many hidden gems, cool coffee shops, and unique architectures. It’s almost like every block is a pixel of an artwork. You don’t need to go far to find inspiration. Just hop on a motorbike, and you immediately find one. In fact, my friends and I even run an instagram account (@hello_pho) for all our Vietnam findings.

Can you tell us a little about your career path over the past decade: can you remember how you felt on your first day interning at DDB? Have you had any influential mentors and what did you learn from them?

How I felt on my first day? Of course, I was ecstatic! It’s not every day that a newbie ad geek gets introduced to people behind iconic ads. I met co-interns with the same interests too. I remember we would always say ‘see you in the industry’ to each other. And it really happened. We got to be teammates, some became my client, one is even my co-juror now.

Then came the real world. Ogilvy had a one-day exam for aspiring young creatives. I was fortunate to be one of the four chosen among the 100 applicants. I got trained by the most brilliant creatives, and moved to three more agencies afterwards. I had a great set of selfless mentors during this formative part of my career. Marlon Rivera was my advertising professor turned boss. All the ad principles I uphold came from him, from simply doing logic + magic, to always presenting the 3rd argument.

Peachy Bretana was my first ad mom. She taught me a lot not just about work, but life values that I carry on ’til now. Henry Gonzales and Onat Roldan believed in me so much. They always pushed me up and let me shine, pulled me down whenever it was too much. I really admire Trixie Diyco’s brilliance, sharpness, and drive for the work. If only I could be half as good as her, I can already consider myself a great creative.

After 8 years in Manila, I packed my suitcase and moved to Vietnam. Almost like a reset. I’ve done some regional stuff prior to moving, but it was still a different feeling uprooting my life and planting it somewhere else. Work-wise, I’m focusing more on digital and social now. Currently with a great set of people, too.

You’re joining the preliminary jury at AD STARS 2021. What are you most looking forward to?

This is my second time. Last year, I got impressed by how creativity adjusts to different situations and takes in any form to solve problems. From high-budget productions, to a simple social post. Most, if not all, were human-centric. And that’s what I’m still looking forward to this year.

The thing about creativity is that it doesn’t stop. Just when we thought we’ve reached its peak, suddenly a new idea comes. I’m excited to see the newest simplest grandest weirdest most human-centric works. Works that drives humanity forward. Works that truly entertain. Works that make me jealous and stay hungry.

What keeps you awake at night? What gets you out of bed?

As much as possible, it’s not work related. I go out and explore, do sports, or just be a couch potato. We work in a very demanding industry. We constantly need to push and push and it will never be enough. So it’s very important to prioritize mental health. We should be bringing happiness and inspiration to our work, not the other way around.

Do you have a creative process: is there a certain way that you approach a brief and get into a creative 'zone' or 'flow state'?

Let me explain it scientifically. I use my left side of the brain first. I dissect the brief. I try to find the answer to all the ‘Why’s’, reframe and pinpoint the real problem. Once the brief is already in its simplest form, I jump to the right side of my brain (Never use left! Or else the thinking will be too analytical and ticking boxes). I try to unlearn what I’ve learned all these years and bring back my child-like curiosity. There should never be a formula. No overthinking. No ‘NO.’ Like what my former mentor used to say, ‘Hang before you kill.’ Quantity over quality. Quality can be sharpened after. I’m an idea-first person and as long as it excites and entertains me, I go for it.  

What kind of kid were you: were you always ‘creative’, curious and breaking rules?

I was always the weird kid. I was more interested in watching documentaries than cartoons. When I was 4, I memorized flags, capital cities, and the scientific names of plants. I think as early as that it already showed how all-out I go when curiosity kicks in. I used to draw a lot. Competed in drawing contests. Played different musical instruments too. But then I got a scholarship for a high school specializing in science, which supposedly leads to taking a science-related course after. I took up an art course instead.

What is your proudest achievement so far? Is there a campaign you're especially proud of?

Now that I think about it, I’ve realized that the campaigns I’m proud of are very family-oriented, especially for moms. Perhaps because my mom is my no. 1 inspiration. We once did a film honoring moms through their moms. Another one honored them through their eldest children, their husbands – ha, ha. I also did a campaign where we asked them to relive their amazing childhood through their kids. All those play under the sun, touch the dirt moments. It launched at a time when tablets were becoming a huge thing. And as I grow wiser in this industry, I would like to assume I’m becoming more like her – generous and selfless.

If you ask me now what is my proudest achievement, it would be my small team. It’s not about me anymore. I’m very happy to see them mature, guide them as they establish themselves as agents of impact.

Marvin Ramos is joining the preliminary jury at AD STARS 2021. Entries close on 31st May via adstars.org

[lubbuthedigitalnomad]

Fearless Puppies On New Year’s Day

The Tibetan New Year has begun. The festivities will continue for several days. Below is a mere thousand words about it, plucked from a longer chapter in the new book that describes the season.

Everyone in Nepal is very hopeful that the new year will bring great improvements to conditions here and around the world. I suppose that everyone everywhere is the same kind of hopeful. My personal hope is that everyone everywhere will remember that noble hopes aren’t worth a damn thing unless real effort and involvement accompanies them. Hope and prayer can be lovely additions to intelligent action, but they are disastrous as substitutes for it. Nothing fixes itself. I am also very hopeful for your uninterrupted happiness and good health.

“Without action, Buddha’s blessing is not worth much.” HH The 14th Dalai Lama

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​Losar Day

Today is Losar, the Tibetan new year. Traditional activities include visiting relatives, going to a temple with family, and public festivities. The celebration will continue for several days.

Nikky, Wangmo, and the staff, along with several of their family members, are assembled in the lobby. They are dressed like royalty. Everyone is even more smiley and sweet than usual, if that is possible.

The streets are lined with people in their finest and most colorful regalia. Even Walt Disney would have been in awe of the spectacle.

My positive-energy-projection-toward-the-street shtick is now being done daily from the front window counter of the hotel. I don’t even have to think about it. It happens on automatic pilot during breakfast.

After breakfast, I head toward the Stupa to watch as the entire massive structure is painted.

It has been cold and raw since my arrival in Kathmandu, but today the sun has come out in force for this festive occasion. So have folks from all over Nepal and the world. A twenty-year-old named Milabuddha sits next to me on a bench by the Stupa. He lives in a village hundreds of miles away. Mila starts a conversation with me, then takes a selfie of us on his phone. The friendliness of the people here continues to astound me. It will be very interesting to travel elsewhere in Nepal and see if this friendliness is a national habit. Being in the Stupa neighborhood is somewhat like being in church. Visitors practice their most noble behavior here.

But for the people that actually live here, their most noble behavior is a way of life — and the animals are just as amazing as the humans! A couple of dozen dogs surround the Stupa. Most (certainly not all) are among the most conscious, mellowest, sweetest animals in the world. They seem to belong to no one and everyone. These canines often act more human than many humans do. They have a sharp intelligence and a kind of radar — a sense of premonition.

A white one sits himself in front of the bench that me and Milabuddha are seated on. A man walks in our direction and starts to approach a woman two benches away with his hand out. The man looks more hungover than hungry. He has an air of snarling surliness about him that I can feel from a distance. He isn’t doing anything loud, crazy, or even noticeably different than other folks — but the energy radiating from him seems to stand out like a sore thumb in this otherwise serene atmosphere. The white dog feels it too. He bolts up and darts himself between that man and the woman sitting on the bench. White dog barks as if his master’s house is on fire! The man backs off and walks away quickly. The dog continues to bark at the ornery man’s heels for twenty yards or so until both are well out of range of the benches. White dog then simply lays down silently by the Stupa. This creature seems to spend most of its time in a meditation, as do all the canines in the area. These animals lay around as if they are reincarnated saints that have earned the right to relax in heaven for a lifetime — unless there is a situation that calls them to action guarding the area’s good energy.

Several hundred of the most well fed pigeons in the world have their own corner of the Stupa grounds. Locals sell grain to people that spread it around for the birds to eat. Any form of human caring for any form of life is considered a source of blessing here.

On the way home, I stop at Thar Lam Monastery to visit the temple that sits halfway between the Stupa and the Pema Boutique Hotel. The monks are having New Year’s badminton and volleyball tournaments! The young adult monks are playing. The elder and child monks cheer from the sidelines. I sit down on a curb, near a few elders in chairs. My legs are in the street. I am immediately approached by a young black dog with markings that resemble a white necktie. The dog licks me until I fall off my narrow seat on the curb! She keeps licking as I lay on the ground. The monks are laughing at me — almost as hard as I am laughing at myself. The dog seems to be laughing too.

Midway through the volleyball game, I go into the temple. It is a beautiful structure with a gorgeous interior containing giant iconic Buddhist statues. The walls are painted with scenes from the historical Buddha’s life. There are offerings of yak cheese, cookies, fruit, and many other goodies stacked everywhere in obvious preparation for a later ceremony. After enjoying a few hundred breaths in the temple, I head back to the hotel with a big smile on my face and the love of fearless puppies in my heart.

Much of humanity thinks that a power beyond itself will drop from the sky to help save our species. Few people are coherently concerned, consciously aware, and common sensible enough to realize that the only way our planet will become a better planet is if we each, individually, do away with the bullshit we are addicted to and put in the mental work necessary to become better people. I may be in the ten square block area of Earth containing the highest concentration of people that are aware of this fact. There is a very palpable density of love and goodwill in the atmosphere here. It is fostered internally by individuals. This internal mental work, this fostering of goodwill, is not done as a self-serving mechanism. It is motivated by a love for, and done on behalf of, everything that lives on the planet. The term for the all-inclusive target of this concern is usually translated into English as “all sentient beings.” The Tibetan phrase is “sem chen” — mind possessor. Taking into account that animals, plants, and insects, as well as humans, are thought to have a consciousness, this motivation covers a lot of ground. It is an extremely powerful force within the nuns and monks. It also plays a very recognizable part in the lives of the neighborhood’s residents. And it is obvious that even the area dogs, in their own way, are involved in the process.

My experience of being here is akin to that of a thirteen-year-old baseball fanatic who suddenly finds himself living in a bed-and-breakfast planted right in the middle of the Cooperstown Hall of Fame.

I have spent almost all of my life in America. In America, many people that see soldiers in uniform approach them and say, “Thank you for your service.” The soldiers are considered heroes worthy of respect and admiration.

My heroes are not professional killers. My heroes are professional altruists that are dedicated to producing saner, kinder, more compassionate opportunities for all living creatures. My heroes are walking in robes on the streets of Kathmandu, and I am lucky enough to have a guest room planted right in the middle of their neighborhood.

About the Author

Doug “Ten” Rose may be the biggest smartass as well as one of the most entertaining survivors of the hitchhiking adventurers that used to cover America’s highways. He is the author of the books Fearless Puppy on American Road and Reincarnation Through Common Sense, has survived heroin addiction and death, and is a graduate of over a hundred thousand miles of travel without ever driving a car, owning a phone, or having a bank account.

Ten Rose and his work are a vibrant part of the present and future as well as an essential remnant of a vanishing breed.

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Travel Adventure Books can be an excellent gift to your friends and family, buy from Amazon.com

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The books Fearless Puppy On American Road and Reincarnation Through Common Sense by this same author are also available through Amazon or the Fearless Puppy website, where there are sample chapters from those books. Entertaining TV/radio interviews with and newspaper articles about the author are also available there. There is no charge for anything but the complete books! All author profits from book sales will be donated to help sponsor an increase in the number of wisdom professionals on Earth, beginning with but certainly not limited to Buddhist monks and nuns.

If you missed the Introduction to the new book that will be titled Temple Dog Soldier, or would like to see several chapters of it that are available for free online, go to the Puppy website Blog section. This is a book in progress. You will be reading it as it is being created! Just like you, I don’t know what the next chapter is going to be about until it is written. As the Intro will tell you, this is a totally true story — and probably the only book ever written by and about a corpse journeying completely around the world!