#may i show you my AAC?

[petrichoremojis]

[ID: a drawing of a plain yellow person pointing to themself with their other hand by their ear. three green emphasis triangles are near their ear. to their left is a large green checkmark. end ID]

[ID: a drawing of a plain yellow person pointing to themself with their other hand by their ear. three red emphasis triangles are near their ear. to their left is a large red X. end ID]

[ID: a drawing of a plain yellow person holding a blue AAC device. coming from the device is a speech bubble containing an eye and a green question mark. end ID]

"i can hear", "i can't hear", and "may i show you my AAC?"

[vintage-tech]

useful information: How to get a USB Blu-Ray player to work on your computer

Not a post about vintage technology, just an explanation of what you think might be simple to do but isn't: There are Blu-Ray players that plug into your computer by USB, and you discover that just plugging it in doesn't make it work* in the same manner that CD-RWs or DVD-RWs are automatically recognised and function. You will see "BR Drive" in My Computer and the name of whatever movie you have inserted, but that's as far as you're able to go.

*There is software you can buy to make a Blu-Ray (internal or external) function, sure, and if an internal came with your computer it's likely already installed -- but if you're like me you don't have that software, you're cheap and won't pay for software, and you want to use what you have installed already or find free solutions.

Looking in the Blu-Ray drive's package, there's not a lot of info about what you're supposed to do. The above no-name Blu-Ray player cost $40 from a popular website; name-brand ones can set you back $120 or so. Looking around online for those instructions, I never saw the whole set of directions in one place, I had to cobble them together from 2 or 3 sites. And so here I share that list. To keep out of trouble, I'm not linking any files -- Google will help you.

Get VLC, the free video player available for pretty much any operating system. Thing is, it doesn't come with the internals to make it work with Blu-Ray even if when you go to the Play Media menu there is a radio button for selecting Blu-Ray.

Get MakeMKV, a decoder for reading Blu-Ray disks. This had been totally free during the beta testing period but it's come out and has a month or two trial period you can work in.

Get Java if you don't already have it. Reason for this is, the menu systems on Blu-Ray disks uses this... technically it's not required, however it does mean you don't have options such as special features, language and sound changes, or scene selection if you don't have Java installed; insert a disk, it can only play the movie.

Get the file libaacs.dll online so you have AACS decoding. I am told it hasn't been updated in awhile so there may be disks produced after 2013 that won't work right, but you won't know until you try.

There's a set of keys you will also want to have so that the player knows how to work with specific disks, and so do a search online for the "FindVUK Online Database". There will be a regularly-updated keydb.cfg archive file on that page to pick up.

Got those three programs installed and the other two files obtained? Okay, here are your instructions for assembly...

In VLC: go to Tools, Prefs, click "show all"… under the Input/Codecs heading is Access Modules then Blu-Ray: Select your region, A through C. You can change this if you need to for foreign disks. Next related action: go to My Computer and C:, click into Program Files and VLC, and this is where you copy the libaacs.dll file to.

In MakeMKV: click View, then Preferences, and under Integration - add VLC.

Confirm that Java is set up to work with VLC by going to the computer's Control Panel, going to System Properties, and into Environment Variables. Click System Variables, and click New to create this key if it doesn't already exist: … Name: Java … Value: [the location of the Java 'jre#.##' folder... use Browse to find it in C:\Program Files\Java]

Let's go back into My Computer and C:, this time go to Program Data, and then do a right-click in the window and select New and Folder. Rename this folder "aacs" (without the quotes), and then you click into it and copy the keydb.cfg file here.

REBOOT.

And now you should be able to recognise Blu-Ray disks in your player and play them. Three troubleshooting notes to offer in VLC:

"Disk corrupt" -- this means MakeMKV has not decoded and parsed the disk yet, or that you don't have the libaacs.dll in place so that it can decode the disk. ...After checking the VLC folder for the DLL to make sure, launch MakeMKV, then go to File, Play Disk, and select the Blu-Ray drive. Now it will grind a bit and figure out the disk's contents.

A note appears when a movie starts saying there will be no menus, but the movie plays fine -- Java isn't running. ...Invoke Java by going to the Java Settings in Start: Programs. You don't have to change anything here, so Exit, then eject the disk and put it back in to see if the movie's menu now appears.

Buffering between chapters, making the movie pause for a few seconds? There is a setting for this but I need to find that info page again for where that is. (If you find it, tell me where it is!)

I don't claim to know a lot but if you have any questions I might have some answers or suggestions. So far I've watched "Office Space" and Disney's "Coco" without any issues beside occasional buffering.

[chrome-barkz-aac]

how i go to concerts as an autistic person with speech loss episodes!

PT: how i go to concerts as an autistic person with speech loss episodes

PART ONE: before the concert

plan out everything beforehand, a couple days to a week in advance. this includes where you will park (if you drive) or who you will ride with. if you're of drinking age you also need to plan who in your group is drinking (or doing other drugs) and who is the designated driver (if you aren't taking a taxi/uber/public transport)

wear comfortable clothes that you can move around in / that won't add to your overstimulation. this includes shoes that are good for standing/walking for long periods of time

practice scripts for if you accidentally bump into someone or need to move past someone ("excuse me" "sorry" etc)

if you want to participate in a mosh pit, you may want to bring a friend to hold your AAC device or go low/no tech for the concert. mosh pits can be exciting but i definitely wouldn't bring your ipad or SGD into one! i tend to go to concerts alone so instead of my ipad i brought a boogie board to write on, which is far less breakable

concerts can be loud, so you'll need ear defenders, headphones or earplugs. i like to use silicon ear plugs bc they stay in my ears even when im bouncing around a lot!

if you are going with friends, have a pre-determined signal that lets your group know "i need a break" or "i need to leave"

make sure to charge your devices beforehand. a lot of tickets are virtual these days, so your phone becomes your ticket.

PART TWO: at the concert!

when you get to the venue, you'll likely have to go through security and show your ID and tickets. be ready for this.

when you get inside, you can find your seats (if assigned) or go to the floor (if general admission) IF CROWDS MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE you should hang out in the back of general admission. this gives you more space to move around and breathe. if you don't mind getting close to people, being close to the stage can be awesome! but i definitely recommend earplugs bc its really loud near the stage

just because everyone else is doing something doesn't mean you also have to do it! if everyone else has their phone/lighter out and is waving it and you don't want to, you don't have to! this goes for many other things as well. if everyone else is drinking, or doing drugs (weed is pretty common at the concerts i go to) you don't have to! if everyone else is screaming or shouting the words, you don't have to!

just because the singer onstage tells the crowd to jump, or get down, or wave your hands or any number of other things doesn't mean you have to! you can do what you're comfortable with. after all, you're at the concert to have a good time, so you should do what makes you feel the best.

you don't have to sing along if you can't speak! you can say as much or as little as you want. instead of yelling you can clap, instead of shouting the lyrics you can hum, etc.

concerts are great to get some full body stimming in! you can rock, sway, stomp or flap your hands to the beat. you can even jump up and down! you do need to be mindful of other people though - people tend to flock close together on the floor or in the pit and if you bounce around enough, you might run into someone! that's totally ok, it happens, just apologize and move on!

if you're moving around a lot, you need to be mindful of how your body feels throughout the concert. are you overheated? are you sweating? do you need water or to sit down?

its ok to leave at any point in the concert, even in the middle of a set or a song! your well being is the most important thing and its important to pay attention to what your body needs. its not a good idea to "push through" just to see your favorite artists. seeing 50% of a concert is better than seeing 0% of a concert or seeing 80% of a concert and having to leave suddenly because you have a meltdown

ultimately, do whatever you want as long as you're not causing harm to other people or yourself

do not try to make friends with the security guards. they dont really like that. i don't totally understand why but i get the impression that it is because they are working and have to keep a close eye on the crowd, and talking to them can distract them from their job.

PART THREE: after the concert!

concerts are a huge ordeal for anyone, not just disabled folks. that being said, it definitely takes a bigger toll on you when you are disabled and need extra support to recover from overstimulating environments. be gentle with yourself after the concert and give yourself grace if you are extra tired or having a hard time with things that are usually easy for you in the hours or days after the concert

as soon as you get home, have a snack and a drink of water (or juice/electrolyte drink). singing along and jumping / dancing can make you dehydrated. even if you don't feel hungry or thirsty you should have something to eat and drink. you may be riding a high of being excited or happy to hear your favorite music and not be able to discern what your body is telling you.

get lots of rest when you get home. try to sleep in the next day if you can. your body will probably be tired.

if you're feeling tired or irritable after the concert because of the emotional exhaustion you might feel, try to put on a relaxing video or do something that regulates you.

thats all i can think of ! if ne of yall have ne other ideas for how to manage concerts as an autistic person drop them in the comments or reblogs!

[clownrecess]

I don't go to restaurants very often, but I wanted to talk about this anyway: Going to restaurants as an AAC user.

The fear of not being able to convey my thoughts and preferences to the waiter or waitress can make the whole dining experience unpleasant. I tend to worry that the staff may not understand my communication device, or it might be too loud to hear my device in the first place. Due to this, I have my mother (or friend, if I am with a friend) order for me. But this brings up another fear, if they don't know it is a communication device, I become afraid that they think I am an "I-Pad kid", which makes me even more anxious.

Also, ordering at a restaurant often involves a lot of pressure to perform quickly and efficiently, especially during busy times (absolutely not saying that this isn't stressful for staff too because of being rushed). This can be even more stressful for AAC users who are slower at using AAC and need extra time to type their order.

Everyone deserves to have a positive dining experience, regardless of how they communicate. Restaurant staff can play an important role in creating a welcoming and inclusive environment for AAC users. They can take the time to listen carefully, ask questions, and show empathy and patience. And for AAC users, here are a few things that you might be able to do to make it easier for yourself, too:

Prepare your order beforehand

Buy a special case with volume enchantment (I don't know what it's called but I know it exists)

Turn up your volume to the highest option if it's loud

Show the staff member your screen if necessary

Wear a pin explaining you use AAC or are nonspeaking (I recently ordered one off Etsy that says "I hear + understand but don't speak", which I am very excited to receive)

[disabled-safe-haven]

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-> All dividers, unless said otherwise, are made by @/sisterlucifergraphics! <-

[five-thousand-loaves-of-bread]

tw ABA and abuse and examples of abuse through ABA (sort of detail describe)

.

i forget people don't know same thing i do. so if you only know ABA as "suppress stimming force mask force eye contact reward-punishment" (which, historically has been like that and even currently many place like that) (abbreviate below as "abusive ABA" "abusive methods/practices" "bad"), then of course you disagree when i say "ABA can be abusive but some survivors say it help reduce self harm stim and help learn ADLs" because would think i support they teach through abuse. which i very much don't.

(it relevant when i say "i have theory of mind trouble so i forget people don't know same thing i know" because i know people who try reform ABA to be trauma informed (whether it can truly be reformed because of its fundamental history, another topic), who call out abusive pratices. but i forget there are people who don't know these people exist. so whatever i say of course don't make sense to them.)

what i mean?

let look at self-injurious stimming during meltdowns. (stimming neutral but self injurious harm self)

one ABA therapist purposely trigger meltdown to "shape behavior." ❌bad. abusive. why you want purpose cause distress to manipulate behavior?

one ABA therapist think all stim bad, even ones who don't harm self. for example hand flap and pace when really upset need regulate and not disturbing anyone. instead want replace by "quiet hands" and sit still at desk.❌bad. abusive. they obviously not causing harm, they self-regulating. it working for them. this therapist don't actually care about distress, only care about mask emotion and behave "appropriately in normal way."

one ABA therapist respond with ignore because believe "if i acknowledge then i give them attention and will make them want do behavior more will act as reinforcement." ❌bad. abusive. ignore people geuinely distress will not make issue go away. will only maybe teach them "it not okay to feel emotion" so hide so mask. and "if i upset then no one will help no one care."

one ABA therapist think. okay to be upset but hurt self can be dangerous (ok we on right track...). so i am going to prevent them from self injury. but give nothing in replacement. just make them stop. ❌still no! mind may be on right path but still no!! even though self injury harm self, it act as coping skill and help regulate. they do it for reason. cannot just take away coping tool (even if very harm self) and not replace with something less harmful!!! you just leave empty void. not helping!! may cause escalate.

one ABA therapist also think it okay to be upset. it okay to show upset. but hurt self dangerous. then they think more. why is doing this behavior? why self-injurious? why cause? can we remove cause altogether? have we ignored previous protest & try to get out? can we teach communicate so can tell others upset before it get to meldtwon? can we teach them to take break before it get bad? then they think. what is less harmful behavior we can slowly teach to replace, a better coping skill? and they listen to person's body language and behavior to make sure not force. ✅ many ways to go wrong, but if careful and self reflect frequently. can be helpful. need to center the person at all time. need remember behavior often don't happen alone. get rid of behavior don't get rid of problems.

let look at what is typically called "avoid task."

one ABA therapist think. they're doing it because previously they tantrum and have gotten out of task, so they do it again (and think it their fault instead of parent or therapist fault who teach that). they do it to make my life hard. they do it because they brat. so they punish. they take away things they like and maybe even need (like comfort object, food, snack, AAC, etc). maybe even tie them down, restraint in chair, cannot physically leave. ❌no! very abusive!!

one ABA therapist think. oh need reward them for stay on task. give sticker chart.❌still no! still abusive! even though "reward" with "preferred item," still only look at behavior and not why they may not want do task. still teach must behave good to earn happy and love and affection and have needs met. this is still compliance. and then one day person had enough and meltdown, suddenly everyone will say "where did that come from!! came from nowhere!! must be problem child" but ignore every previous way to communicate no.

one ABA therapist think. is this task appropriate? is it because too hard can't understand? is it because more fundamental need not met like hungry? is it because have not moved enough, jump run etc? maybe they just have bad day? if it task that truly don't serve purpose, then no need to even tell them do it in first place. but if task that can't be avoided (because in life can't avoid everything), then are there other ways to respect them want take break while make sure task get done? are there alternative activities that we can give them while they take break until they ready to come back? (a good video about alternative) ✅this is respecting autonomy and respect feeling and emotion of person. this is about help not comply. (another video)

people who practice the good example and bad example all call it ABA. and while the good example we start to see more and more happen, unfortunately so many places still practice bad example (especially if like rural and low income and behind on research update). or they claim to be good but still have not fully unlearned bad example, or they claim to be good but still do bad because they use "neurodiversity affirming" as buzzword. it all very nuanced. but all exist.

found this person explain helpful. of course have not watched every single video of hers so not sure if agree with all but say many good things

[arafergirl-artdump]

(eng/jpn/rus) Starter pack when you discovered you're autistic.

(Little disclaimer: This was made totally based on my own experience. Also, i mainly write about things related to autistic experience, but it's not exclusive to it. It possibly can help ADHD/ADDers, high sensitive people and everyone who have any relation to some autistic traits)

Hi there! If you are reading this, i can assume you recently discovered you're autistic. Well, it can explains a lot of what happened in your life, but sure you're thinking "what's next? Will it change something in my life?". For this i need to explain what is masking.

From Wikipedia: "In psychology and sociology, masking is the process in which an individual camouflages their natural personality or behavior to conform to social pressures, abuse, or harassment". So, basically, it means you're hiding some traits of you and your personality by (in neurodivergent case) mirroring others. It can start in very young age. I can assume you're older than 8, so you can consider as late-diagnosed, so you probably masked a lot. Later (or even now) you can notice that your behaviour changes: you notice how loud, bright, smelly, ect. things can be, you do more repetative movements (it's called stimming, it can be not only physical. Listening a lot of music can consider stimming too, for example), you maybe start to talking about things you like a lot, like, A LOT. It means you are unmasking, maybe some thing are not so noticable for you, that's fine, every autistic experience is individual. I mean, if you already notice those things, i can advise you some things that helped and still helping me.

Let's start with clothes. Sure you know this feeling when you're in some itchy clothes and it's so itchy you want it to pull off immediately. Well, now you know the reason why you felt it! But where you can buy clothes that will NOT give you this feeling? The only brand that never gave me this sensory hell is UNIQLO, plus their clothes are genderless. But if you can't buy their clothes or prefer other brands for reason, just make sure this piece is have a huge percent of cotton, lien, bamboo or any othere sensory safe fabrics.

So, what about other senses? Well, there's a poll in here that shows that most neurodivergent people are mostly sensitive to noises (of course it's not an offical research, it's just a Tumblr poll). You propably should get some noise-cancelling headphones. Also you can get construction headphones! I actually have ones, it's good for going outside, but isn't if you want to lay down because of how big they are. Well, i recommend get both and use them at the same time. Also you may have problems with lights, so get yourself a good glasses if your eyes will be tired. There's nothing i can recommend for smell and taste, well, you probably already have safe food even if you don't recognise it yet, so find foods that are safe for you.

And not so first need things! They can help you in the future, but some isn't nesecary if you don't have needs i have. So, in short:

weighted blanket - good for sleep or when you're feeling anxious. If you can, buy it, but you can make it by yourself.

fidget toys - good for stimming, but some of them are can be loud, so my ultimate recommendation is Tangle. But only you know what's good for you!

AAC app - good if you don't like use your voice much. Currently i use "Card talk" and it's good for communicating, but there's bugs with created cards' audios, it can become too fast or too slow. You can fix it by closing and opening the app again, but it can be a bit annoying.

I hope it can help you with living your autistic life comfortably! Reminder: it's based on my experience, so i'm sure there's somenthing that bother you less and bothers me a lot. Well, i said everything i wanted to, so have a great day!

(Damn, this post is long)

(PS: "Card Talk" is so buggy i need to make new audio for created cards. If you aren't multilingual as me, better find other apps)

(PPS: I just found one that is good for multilinguals, it's "Cboard"! So if you're talking in more than one language, this app is pretty good!)

[havemyheartaziraphale]

Ok so this is for @melbatron5000 and @somehow-a-human mostly because I want input on your theories and my forming theory. Also, @indigovigilance has some decent screen grabs too. Sorry for having a wall of text here, I'm on mobile and still not used to posting on Tumblr

I absolutely agree with something being passed to Aziraphale during their kiss. I have watched the scene several times now and can spot the thing myself. I can see it in the photos you guys have as well.

I also stand by my theory there's a body swap going on. I wasn't entirely sure when it happened, until probably tonight. I know not everyone agrees with me but right now that's fine. Whatever.

Nightingales is DEFINITELY a code word. Got that straight off, wouldn't be able to tell you 100% what exactly for, except to me maybe it's saying "we need to do the body swap again".

Here's the thing: I had to go back and watch the body swap in S1 before I felt confident in this. I will stand by this theory now because I'm pretty certain of it.

There's clearly missed signals and unsaid things. I think the conversation we see is not everything that was said, based on the camera angles, the fact that so many of those lines can easily be pulled for sound bites and not seem odd/off, and the fact that their actions when out of shot don't entirely match up to what's being said. But the gist of the conversation is the same. They eventually come to the understanding that something needs to happen and they're not going to like it.

Here's where I think things change.

Nightingales is the signal that there's a swap that needs to happen. Crowley has already told Aziraphale that he can't leave the bookshop. Crowley knows this, and he also knows that the only way to get to Heaven is by having an angel escort him there. Aziraphale on the other hand will have no problems going whenever he needs to. Crowley needs to be taken, so he needs his Azi-suit.

With Crowley-as-Aziraphale(CAA) in heaven, he'll be able to do whatever mischief he needs/wants to. He can clearly already access files up there still. We know he has to have been a powerful/higher up angel before his Fall. He just needs a way in first.

When did the body swap happen?

Good question, and it took me a lot of thinking and rewatching of that flipping kiss to finally decide and work out when it was; the moment Aziraphale "allows" himself to hold Crowley.

What am I on about? I'll tell you.

Rewatch the body swap in S1. They hold hands, time stops, and you see them change back. Obviously CAA and Aziraphale-as-Crowley (AAC) are sat in their usual spaces so the characters are in the wrong seats. Once they're back, they look normal. Everything is tickety-boo.

Except in the KISS, they're very much in the same positions. Of course, Aziraphale places his hands on Crowley briefly, allowing for stability, a time freeze, and the chance to switch round before resuming. Probably gives them a little time to confirm some stuff too. There's so many camera cuts and frame changes that allow for this to be true, otherwise why not just show it from one angle? And why is that dang clock also skipping time suddenly yes I know Neil may have said it's just a continuity error at one point but I don't trust him because he also lies and it's way too obvious with that clock in the background

So what about the bullet/metal ball in CAA mouth? Definitely Aziraphale's memories of his chat with Metatron, and anything else CAA may need. (This isn't a repeat, this is a mirror of the bullet catch. Crowley fired the bullet, Azi caught it. This time, Azi fires the bullet, Crowley catches it.) CAA then says the phrase he knows AAC will understand, and that also sounds like Azi to anyone listening, and AAC responds. Like codes. "I forgive you... Dont bother." Exit: Azi-as-Crowley.

Of course Metatron then swans in and interrupts CAA while he's still getting his bearings, and mentions the Second Coming. I don't think even Crowley expected it to be this. Hence the Look he gives AAC.

Metatron still gives CAA a slightly suspicious look in the elevator, which I don't think many people mention enough. And that whole end credits bit of them as they're heading off is just... Odd. BUT, and here's where I'm certain it's CAA, the look of sheer determined destruction on Azi's face is the same from S1 body swap. I went back and checked, just to be sure. That's 100% Crowley right there. And now he has the bullet in his mouth, access to heaven thanks to being escorted by Metatron, and Aziraphale still able to look after the bookshop in disguise.

Points I also want to make

Crowley would not be the sort of person (demon/being) to just stand there and wait for Azi to go up to Heaven. We've seen he'll just go off without a word. At least twice. (When Azi is in thought about Job, and when Nina talks to him after she confirms she'll be at the Street Traders meeting). Crowley doesn't linger.

Crowley would also not be the one to choose to listen to A Nightingale Sang. That is all Aziraphale babyyyyyy. The Bentley knows them both well enough by now. Crowley likes his rock and Bebop, Azi likes his classical, more soothing tunes. Crowley certainly wouldn't listen to a song if he was upset with it. Azi allows himself to hear it before turning it off. He's the sentimental one.

[selectivechaos]

about knowing someone with situational/selective mutism:

tw: ableism⚠️⚠️

stop talking to me through doors; cannot talk back, cannot gesture/nod head back through doors.

do not laugh at how AAC voice pronounces things, or how it glitches, or when typo in text-to-speech (not funny; unless am laughing too, it is not funny)

stop believing that speech communication is the ‘least a person can do’ to show respect. stop thinking communication is a necessity for people to show others respect. spoiler: your ‘bare minimum’ is an ableist standard; it locks out disabled people.

stop mimicking my voice/sounds, including AAC voice, this is treacherous against people with selective mutism.

do not reiterate or recount words/messages a person with selective mutism has told you to other people, unless you have their permission. they may be mute around that person. this may make them mute around you too, because you become a conduit to the unsafe person (if that makes sense).

do not record voice without permission, even if background voice in a video. even with permission, be careful about who gets access to that audio.

if you live with someone with sm, tell them before someone comes round to visit.

do not pressure them to socialise with yourself/others. do not guilt-trip them; their mutism hurts them more than it upsets/embarrasses/worries you.

do not believe that it is a statement on your character/virtue if I can/cannot speak to you

do not believe that you can cure or change me, grow my ‘confidence’. you are no professional.

do not try to teach me to feel safe/less anxious simply by saying that it is a ‘safe place’ (safety = actions not words).

🌹do not comment on voice, even if it is a compliment. do not react to voice at all. 🌹

[actuallyautisticaba]

hi. i am fully aware my posting may upset, conflict, or anger people. i am posting because i want to get the word out that ABA can and will change for the better. a lot of people have had horrible experiences with ABA. i feel for you. i mourn for you. i want you to know abuse and assimilation is not what i will stand for. i will fight for advocacy and autistic voices. i am autistic and never experienced ABA as a child because i was diagnosed late. if not for my job i would have never known this part of myself.

i want to share some of my own experiences in the field, what i hope to do and advocate for once i am credentialed in the future, and open up myself to hear other people’s opinions and viewpoints to learn and grow.

1. my company is incredible. we are neuroaffirming. we are trauma informed. we fight for inclusion and acceptance. blocking stims is reason to get fired. yelling at, physically harming, or otherwise traumatizing a child is reason to be fired. there is no tolerance for harming a kid. i have seen BCBAs fight with insurance companies to give children access to life changing AAC. i have seen RBTs get down on the ground, stim with, and bond with the kids. i have had a kid cry and tell me they never felt accepted at any other school they attended and that now they wake up every day excited to come. i’ve seen kids taught self advocacy, taught how to tell people NO and have it listened to, to make people respect their bodies autonomy and consent, and learn independence. i see my kids proud of themselves. we ask before every physical prompt and do not force them to “comply”. i see smiles every day. i have memorized my kids scripts and will not force them to communicate with me in a “natural” or neurotypical way, i will sit down and learn as much as i need to to join them in THEIR world, not force them into another. the amount of research i’ve done on my little pony and thomas the train is crazy— i memorized parts of the shows in order to script alongside them and show them i care about their interests. when they stim, i stim with them, instead of telling them it’s wrong. neurodivergent as well, my workplace is inclusive to me, allowing me to wear noise cancelling headphones to prevent sensory overload, accommodate my need for extra time due to executive functioning struggles, mental health days, and more. the world of ABA is changing.

2. in the future i want to be a BCBA. i want to carry my same values into this position and my insight as a neurodivergent autistic person. i want to fight against harmful organizations like autism speaks. i want to be knowledgeable on the trauma of people who have been victimized by ABA and work to improve the field and remove the things that make it harmful. i want to boost autistic voices. in my schooling i have already done many research papers and assignments on opinions of ABA, harmful organizations, and i have taken time to research and listen to the people speaking against it. i want to teach the importance of prompt fading and the use of non-intrusive non-physical prompts. i want to teach about what autism is and that we shouldn’t be trying to cure it with ABA, because autistic people don’t want to be cured and don’t need a cure, there is nothing wrong with them as they are. we need less people in ABA trying to make autistic people fit into a mold of neurotypicalness and focus on inclusion. i think there are benefits to ABA, like reducing self-injurious or aggressive behavior to others through the teaching of communication skills (not just vocalization skills, but through PECS and AAC also) or other alternative behaviors. teaching kids skills like brushing teeth, feeding skills, self advocacy skills. there’s a lot of good i see in ABA and when i see something wrong, i have been and will continue to be the first one to advocate and fight. especially when a person may not understand what they’re doing is harmful.

in summary i want us to do better as professionals in this field. i will continue to research and listen to those who have been harmed by ABA. i will advocate and i will fight for what’s better. i will be trauma informed, i will be neuroaffirming, i will be inclusive. i will call out harmful practices. i have been and will continue to be the first one to advocate if needed. i am proud of my job, i am proud of being autistic, and i will do everything i can to lift voices that need to be heard. i want to hear what other people have to say so i can continue to learn, but also so i can validate experiences and apologize. if you’ve been hurt by ABA im sorry. i’m sorry that they did that to you. you did not deserve it. it is not your fault. there is nothing wrong with you. i am here to listen and i am here to make things change. no child should have to undergo harmful practices like what some of you have been through.

i want people to know that the professionals in ABA are trying to help and we believe in doing no harm. a lot of us want to learn. we want to make lives better. please be understanding with us while we unlearn and do everything we can to learn to do better. we are here to uplift you and will do everything in our power.

[etes-secrecy-post]

Hi, before I explain my post, I want to say something important.

• What you see my blog has become a major overhaul. And despite the changes, I decided that my 2nd account will be now my artwork blog with a secret twist.

⚠️NEW RULE! (W/ BIGGER TEXT!)⚠️

⚠️ SO PLEASE DO NOT SHARE MY 2nd ACCOUNT TO EVERYONE! THIS SECRECY BLOG OF MINE IS FOR CLOSES FRIENDS ONLY!⚠️

• AND FOR MY CLOSES FRIENDS, DON’T REBLOG IT. INSTEAD, JUST COPY MY LINK AND PASTE IT ON YOUR TUMBLR POST! JUST BE SURE THE IMAGE WILL BE REMOVED AND THE ONLY LEFT WAS THE TEXT.

⚠️ SHARING LINKS, LIKE POSTS, REBLOG POSTS, STEALING MY SNAPSHOT PHOTOS/RECORDED VIDEOS/ARTWORKS (a.k.a. ART THIEVES) OR PLAGIARIZING FROM UNKNOWN TUMBLR STRANGERS WILL IMMEDIATELY BE BLOCKED, RIGHT AWAY!⚠️

😡 WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT EVER LIKED & REBLOG MY SECRET POST! THIS IS FOR MY SECRET FRIENDS ONLY, NOT YOU! 😡

Okay? Capiche? Make sense? Good, now back to the post…↓

Title: My "Baggy Cloth-Ober" Day 26: 🐰🎀

Hello, October! 🎃🦇 My daily "Baggy Cloth-Ober" continues with our next daily Inktober! 🧢👕🧤👖🧦👟😊

If you haven't seen my previous related post, then please click these: ↓

• Day 1: Maxwell 🐰🖌️ • Day 2: May 🐰👊💥 • Day 3: Sam 🦊⚽ • Day 4: Mikey 🐱🎧 • Day 5: Brown 🥜 • Day 6: Choco 🐰🍫 • Day 7: Stripes 🦝⚾️😴 • Day 8: Leo 🦁🖌️ • Day 9: Wilson 🐶 • Day 10: Foofie 🐩🌸 • Day 11: Jumbo 🐘 🎮 🧹 • Day 12: Jo 🐆 • Day 13: Emme 🦌🌼 • Day 14: Ziggy 🦨 • Day 15: Jazzy 🦨💃🎵 • Day 16: Todd 🐑📚 • Day 17: Bearo 🐻🎒🚗 • Day 18: Joey 🦘 • Day 19: Katie 🐨 • Day 20: Batty Midnight 🦇🌙 • Day 21: Spot Speedster 🐶🏎️ • Day 22: Riya Speedster 🐰🏎️ • Day 23: Miya Speedster 🐰🐻🔋 • Day 24: Aace Speedster 🐶🐺⭐ • Day 25: Cude 🐰🤖

DAY 26: Vanilla's Workout/Comfy Clothes 🐰🎀

• Let's lay off my OCs, and let other OCs (from my trusty friends) deserved their spotlight 😊, starting with Spot Speedster's current girlfriend, Vanilla! 🐰🎀 A Cat-Bunny hybrid (or sometimes called a 'Cabbit') critter, who shared a DNA between Chowder 🐻👩‍🍳 (which is had a single tooth on her right side of the mouth) & Panini 🐰👩‍🍳 (which is her entire body). Vanilla was debuted in 2012, as far as I know, which also the same year were Spot meet Vanilla, on March 20th of that year. 🐶🏎️💘🐰🎀 And to this day, they're still love all these years later. 😘👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨 Did they forgot their 10th year Anniversary? Gasp! 😱 Yeah, that's because they're now busying with their lives. 🤷‍♀️ Meanwhile, her ambition was unknown, although speculation, that she's dreaming to become a professional chef like Chowder. 👩‍🍳 Nonetheless, what about her clothing? 🤔 While I was gonna draw herself in her current A/W Clothing, the newly recent clothing from Feb 2024 had to picked because its the perfect clothing to bag it up! 🌸👕🥰🤗 Look at it, it is SO BIG that I can't place my text & signature/date. Hehe 😅 It is now known as 'Vanilla's Workout/Comfy Clothes' 🐰🎀🏃‍♀️👟, a clothing that was inspired by Jeni's alternative clothes from the show "Pinkfong Wonderstar". I haven't make a reference sheet about her new clothes, yet owing to my PC problem(s) 🖥️🔧😟. But, I promised that WILL make it right away, once my main PC was fixed, once again. Right now, she's enjoys herself spinning around invisible, while expand her baggy Workout/Comfy Clothes! Dare to hug her? Don't worry, her hoodie scent was from a strong 'Fabric Softener'! 🌸👕🥰🤗

Well, that's all for now. More daily "Baggy Cloth-Ober" artworks to come, until the end (of October)!😊

Vanilla's Workout/Comfy Clothes - created by ME! Vanilla (Chowder OC) - owned by Glassfu (dA)

[hepatitushepatits]

Egg headcanons! (Yes more) ((and yes this is if everything was happy and all eggs were alive))

Winner of 26/11/23 poll

JuanaFlippa is allergic to 20+ things (I can list them but that may or may not be overkill)

When Leo has panic attacks, Foolish or Vegetta or Roier will rock her and pet her hair to ground her (Def not projecting)

Pomme, Leo, and Sunny are lefthanded

Richas is ambidextrous

Pepito also has allergies. Pepito has juvenile osteoporosis and chronic pain, and on-and-off uses a wheelchair.

The Hope egg is named Tereza, and A1's real name is Ignacio.

Bobby is an empath

Tallulah has a small collection of photos of Wilbur and his friends from before the island, to recreate when they get out.

HOBBIES

Tilín, Bobby, Chayanne, and Empanada do wrestling

Chayanne is one of those kids whose in literally every program. Like, he does sword/fence fighting, archery, wrestling, kickboxing, baseball, futbol (soccer), martial arts, leatherwork, bookbinding, everything you can think of.

Dapper tap dances

Tallulah crochets and taught Wilbur and Philza to

Tallulah also figureskates

Leonarda does hiphop, tap, ballet, and latin dance

Sunny can do the BEST nails. Like. Seriously talented (in Tubbo's eyes) Example below.

Trump liked to work in animal shelters, and took the best care of all of them

MISC AGAIN

When they have to wash it, Empanada, Richas, and Dapper all go over to Felps' place to have it washed because he has a similar hair type and does it really well.

JuanaFlippa, Slime, and Mari all have matching gas masks. Juana's from her allergies, and Slime and Mariana because of Purgatory

Sunny has a rhotacism

Ramón has a really good fashion sense, and helps Fit out when he goes on dates with Pac.

When Tilín and Bobby wrestle, they try to drag Pepito in but he's too weak to fight (PROJECTING AGAIN, my cousins never wrestled with me because I'm disabled)

Pomme has like, whole bookshelves full of her journals.

Pomme is Muslim, and transitions from a shayla and a hijab, very rarely a niqab depending on the situation (if this isn't like. Accurate. To the Muslim religion tell me, I'll fix it. I don't wanna offend anyone.)

Richas just RAMS people with his forehead when he's playing

Half the eggs have bird wings, while the other half have normal dragon wings. Pomme is the exception, she has butterfly wings

Richas has no sense of personal space, due to sleeping in the Brazilians sleep room.

Tallulah loves Hamilton

Bobby has palilalia

The whole island has a theatre night once in a while, where the eggs act out movies and shows.

Dapper is a god of death devotee, as is Badboyhalo. I have so many headcanons about what this entails for them, rituals, their exact type of devotee, ect. I'll shut up tho

Carre taught Ramón to skateboard, so Ramón always has those knee pads on. Also he never wears a helmet, no matter how much Fit begs him to.

All of the eggs do speak, but not often. They mostly communicate through AAC devices which serve as tablets and also communicaters. They also use sign language. Also, they all have notebooks to elite in. So to be more accurate, the signs all around are the eggs papers littering the ground

Sunny has chronic migraines and headaches, so she's always wearing her sunglasses for that reason.

Sunny trailer park princess canon

Poncho Pepito. See below.

Also like a jumpsuit. Under. Idk.

You know that post that says that Pepito has those like children glasses? Yeah. That.

Tallulah likes Pepsi over Coke. Chayanne likes Coke over Pepsi. Sunny doesn't drink soda, besides ginger ale.

Sunny keeps her hair above her neck, because she hates the feeling on her collarbones. (projecting again)

She's literally stretched out shirt collars to being unwearable to stop it from touching her neck (me af)

Empanada has like. Neopolitan hair. Brown, pink, blond/white. She has vitiligo, and is black/japanese. Em's got like, onyx eyes? Like ddu. I forgot the English word. But they sparkle like obsidian, kind of.

Dapper loves watching Skeppy videos, but they reach the island very late

You know Wilbur's new album? He sent it to Phil, and he got it 2 weeks late (cuz international processing or whatever) and then Tallulah got to listen! She loves it! Her favorite songs are Glass Chalet and Dropshipped Cat Shirt.

The longest Sunny's hair has ever been is to her shoulders, aka when she first met Tubbo. She had it up in a bun to make sure it won't touch her skin. Sunny immediately asked him for a haircut on her first night at his place.

AGE/HEIGHT

Chayanne: 11, 4'2

Dapper: 10, 4'5

Ramón: 10, 4'6

Leonarda: 9, 4'8

Trump: 9, 4'2

JuanaFlippa: 9, 4'8

Tilín: 9, 4'3

Bobby: 8, 4'4

Tallulah: 8, 4'11

Richarlyson: 8, 4'4

Pomme: 7, 4'2

Sunny: 6, 3'9

Empanada: 6, 3'11

Pepito: 6, 3'2

MISC

Fit sometimes tells stories to Ramón about Schlatt. Ramón, so far, is absolutely infatuated. Big Guy is like a God, an idol to Ramón. (Did anyone watch his stream today? Just me? Alright)

Sunny has a cleft lip/palate

When Leo can't sleep, all the capybaras curl up around her with her in the middle, like a little nest.

All the eggs fucking love Pokémon. With a few exceptions (Ramón, Tallulah, Sunny)

Ramón likes blackjack instead. Or Egyptian Rat Screw.

Tallulah likes boardgames (she's a 'Sorry' lover)

Sunny likes Yu-Gi-Oh! better. Or Magic: The Gathering

Speaking of which, they all have those broadcast TVs, and very much live like in 2009 when you were running around during ad breaks, and dove back through furniture to not miss ur show. They can only watch Fed-approved-channels.

Pepito has a stutter and a lisp

Ramón is one of those kids who blends everything. Like. Spaghetti? Into the blender. Smoothie. Turkey? Into the blender. Smoothie.

His favorite is an onion, lettuce, mayo, ham, very thin cuts of shark meat, sweet gherkin, spicy pickle relish, and pineapple (I once knew someone who actually ate this. Daily. At lunch. Mauro you're now the inspiration for a minecraft egg) Ramón just blends it and goes lol

Welp. I think that's it. Thanks lol. I'd love to hear any of yours.

[shadowredfeline]

Five in One Post.

First off to my response to some of my On This Day Posts.

Yeah I do remember seeing jump scares a lot. But normally Anais is okay since she is a rabbit who looks really related to Panini and Halley. And every time we want to talk about the Rabbit girls, I wanted to include Amber from Camp Lazlo because she would make a great companion to them. But with Cartoon Network, anytime I would do Cartoon Network in a world of Final Fantasy, then we had to have Anais and Panini team up with Amber. But with a picture of my brother, it is really funny to see my brother get a jump scare every time I play a scary video game. And my next one, I understand what you mean about the episode with Patrick's nose. There are so many episodes that are completely disgusting and that episode was trying to ape the Ren and Stimpy Style, a bit like Pig Goat Banana Cricket. There are so many gross cartoons that are trying to ape the Ren and Stimpy Style, and I totally agree with you on the episode we both didn't like.

And mostly, the Chowder episode is really funny where we see Endive so worked up on what she was doing and Mung wanted to play a trick on her. Soon one day, we should watch a live stream of anything Cartoon Network related to some of our favorite shows.

And also my birthday response.

Thank you so much for all the wishes I did for my birthday. And also, I had a really amazing vacation and I'm thinking of doing some pics based on what happened on my birthday vacation. Plus I'm also thinking of including a side story. Starring Riya and Luna and have Miya, Lighting, Penny, Yinna, May and Aace included too. And with my presents, I like what you guys think of my presents, and also, my cousin and her daughter also got me Smiling Critters Plushies. But the characters I got are Dog Day and Hoppy Hopscotch. I might one day get some of the other characters I like. Normally my Smiling Critters can either be real or they might be replicas. But we know the difference when getting replicas and the cheap knockoffs, it happens with any kind of toys, figures and plushies, and my cousin did want to get me a Replica if I haven't got a chance of buying the real ones online.

Shadow R 😺🗡️: Thanks, Miya, Aace and Gerby for wishing me a Happy birthday. And it would be an honor before I go on my birthday vacation with my mom alongside Lisa, Spot and Maxwell. And sure I can go somewhere fun with you guys, Miya and Aace. And I hope you both can keep mine and my sister's clothes if you both want to wear them anytime. And also wear them with your cousins and try my Kid's clothes.

Tory 😺🩰: If you like our clothes including my brother's and my best friend's clothes, I hope you can give it a try on our Ballerina attire if you guys want to ballet dance with us. Plus I am teaching Miya how to ballet dance properly, and anytime we both want to teach Luna how to dance.

Shadow R 😺🗡️: uh huh. I'm sure Miya and Aace would love to dance with us besides Spot and Riya.

Tory 😺🩰: mmhmm. And I'm sure your vacation will be fun. And I'm sure your sons are having a nice time with my daughter.

Shadow R 😺🗡️: Yup. Same with Sam.

[dreamcatcher-roulette]

Anonymous asked:

Hullo, hope you're doing well and enjoying the comeback and the albums 🤩🤩 looking forward to when they'll show up in roulette!

Pls feel free to ignore as this may be a little dumb, but I figured you might know?

From what I can vaguely understand from Wiki and from your past response, can I assume TV broadcast files are usually .ts files? And that it's not the file type that dictates the "quality," but rather the encoding?

There's a Twitter account (😭 I forgot which, it's lost on my timeline now) that occasionally posts .ts files of DC's music show performances, the most recent file being :

240718.MnetJP.엠카운트다운.드림캐쳐.JUSTICE.H264.AAC.1080i-AbySSS.ts

Going off the name and what you've mentioned before about "best quality" where 1080i h264 is better than Youtube, would this file probably be better than downloading the YT video of the same performance?

Fake ask again to strip links because I'm really good at being unnecessarily paranoid but YES! I am having a blast. Siyeon’s absence is felt but it's nice to see her still pop up in some of the YouTube show performances. Handong is totally killing her parts too though so it's been fun seeing that 😁

On the question of quality:

(Minor point of clarity: the encoding is an aspect which determines the quality but not the only one. The simplest quality measure is probably taking into account encoding AND bitrate, where bitrate is the amount of data being displayed per second and encoding is how efficiently it's compressed. Technically the best quality is the highest possible bitrate with zero compression but that's just not feasible, so this is where encodings come in. Newer encodings are, as a rule of thumb, better quality than older ones at "sensible" bitrates, but, as in the case of YouTube for example, a much lower bitrate can make a newer encoding look much worse than an older one. That's why in my quality ranking YouTube was beneath MPEG2 - YouTube is almost all h264 for 1080p, which is newer than MPEG2, but the bitrates drag the quality down the drain.)

Generally 1080i recordings, in their "rawest" form, are MPEG-TS (.ts) files, yeah. 4k are more commonly posted in MP4 though I've found. I'm speculating here based off my own experiences (I haven't ever asked anyone who does this if this is the true reason) but I think that's because MPEG-TS just isn’t efficient enough at high bitrates to provide a very pleasant viewing experience. Let me demonstrate using a convoluted metaphor:

Say you’re a marble vendor and you are looking to transport two blue marbles and two red marbles to one of your clients. You need a container to send them in. Because these marbles are quite precious you want to make sure that they are sent in a well fortified box, but you also care about fitting as many boxes as possible into your supply trucks, so you don't want to waste any space inside of them. You pack all four marbles tightly into the box and seal it up.

When your client receives their shipment, they open it up and can easily see all four marbles in the box. There isn’t much incentive for them to move the marbles since, even though the box has a bit of a heavy hinge, it's not really that big of a deal and any other box would incur some cost in opening it too. They place the box on their shelf and don't worry about it any further.

Now imagine you want to send a client one hundred thousand marbles. But your boxes still only fit four marbles each. The transportation is easy and efficient because the boxes stack nicely (assume for a moment you also have an extremely efficient marble box packing machine), but, once they all arrive at their destination, your client doesn't want to search through hundreds of boxes trying to find the marble they are looking for. They want to move all those marbles to a much bigger and well sorted marble... Okay I really don't know what people normally store hundreds of thousands of marbles in. But the point being that even though all the marbles are still the same, at a certain volume the transportation container was no longer optimal to keep at the destination. 4k HEVC .ts files are HORRIBLY inefficient at rendering even on relatively good hardware and moving the data to MP4 has huge performance benefits.

So the file extension of the source doesn't matter? Well I still think it does, psychologically. I would always trust a .ts more than a .mp4 at 1080i. It isn't possible for you to know, without the original, that what the uploader did was a remux (changing the container) rather than a re-encode (a lossy operation which, best case scenario, produced an output that looks equivalent to the human eye because nothing crucial was lost). Well intentioned people accidentally re-encode to MP4 all the time without realising what it does to the integrity of the file. It's much less likely someone has had the same mishap in the other direction because .ts is not a commonly desired destination. So even though a remuxed MP4 is identical in quality to it's MPEG-TS source, in order to avoid other people's translation errors I would always trust an available .ts first.

That file, assuming it is what it says it is, would absolutely be better than downloading the same performance from YouTube. YouTube has done a lossy re-encode on the video the broadcaster uploaded and will not ever serve you the original. A really obvious symptom of this is the file sizes. YouTube will always be a lot smaller. (For the same encoding. Which by the way you can find out by using Media Info. AVC=h264, HEVC=h265) It's pretty noticeable to the human eye in motion, so it can be a fun exercise to play the two side by side and compare. It's also noticeable on a frame by frame level if you use a player that lets you do that.

But yeah, in summary, YouTube's version of that performance will be unquestionably worse. On average it will be missing 3/4 of the information stored in the original. Which, because of how cool compression is, actually still produces a pretty decent image, but it falls apart in motion and really if you are an individual wanting to watch something for your own enjoyment instead of a big company trying to optimise their bandwidth usage there's just no need to sacrifice those pixels.

[lightblueminecraftorchid]

Workshopping an idea below the cut, feel free to ignore, im mostly organizing thoughts for therapy lol.

Warnings for mentions of medical neglect, self deprecation, illness/COVID, and related stuff.

When I had COVID, it went bad. Not just because I was sick, although that was certainly part of it. High fevers and constant exhaustion are misery-inducing, let alone the amount of missed classwork I had to work on from my bedroom. But that’s not what I remember about having COVID. I remember going hungry.

COVID, until recently, was handled by my university differently than other illnesses. I think that’s rather stupid; I fully support masking and mandatory self-isolation time during illness, but I don’t think those should be COVID-exclusive policies. I should be guaranteed a rescheduled exam if I have strep or the flu, also. But, because of the ongoing pandemic, COVID was unique as far as enforced isolation policies. For five days after first symptoms (at the time I was infected), you were forbidden from attending class, and for the next five days, you had to mask. You’d get a doctor’s note from the clinic excusing you from all your classes for a few days, it was a whole thing.

I did not initially get diagnosed with COVID. I started showing symptoms on Saturday night, but on Sunday, my rapid test at home was negative. On Monday, my rapid test in the university clinic was negative, and I only got a doctor’s note for the day, with instructions to return if I got worse. That afternoon, my fever soared to 101 degrees, and I was so delirious that I forgot how to treat a fever. I had to cancel attending DND, even masked and socially distanced or online, because I was incoherent from exhaustion. The next morning, I was too ill to talk or drive, and had to use an AAC to ask my friend to drive me to the doctor.

Funnily enough, even in that state, I did not think to ask my roommates to drive me to the doctor.

Which is odd for a couple reasons, honestly. On Monday, I had been in the living room the whole afternoon, shivering under a blanket on the couch and staring at a wall for hours. My roommates both had schedules which had them passing me by several times. Neither interacted with me at all, until I went into the kitchen and used my AAC to try and talk to them. Even then, they often breezed past me or ignored me when I did use my AAC, and I left that conversation frustrated because I didn’t get enough time to type a sentence. I may as well have been a rock. A sweaty, shivering rock. But I had talked to them, and I had known I was going to need to go to the doctor, and they were right there. So why didn’t I ask them to help me?

I didn’t eat at all on Monday, as far as I recall. I know I woke up on Tuesday starving. I know the only thing I have evidence of me consuming is water and tea. I know I got stuck in the shower that night, laying in the tub, too weak to climb out. For a while, I couldn’t lift my head. I’m impressed I didn’t fall asleep there.

Tuesday came, and I was diagnosed with COVID after the third rapid test came back aggressively positive. There’s something to be said about not assuming a negative test means you’re not infected with COVID, but that’s a different discussion. To be safe, I was given a doctor’s note exempting me from class until Friday. I tried to be responsible, and so I told my friend, my roommates, and anyone I had been in contact with since Saturday. Most people said “oh, I’m so sorry you’re sick, feel better!” My friend mentioned they’d disinfect their car. My roommates told me not to leave my room. Don’t get them sick.

And that’s reasonable. I’d already planned on self isolating. We were all Honors students; because the university treated COVID differently, if they were considered infectious, they would also have to miss a week of class. But their concern had nothing to do with my health, or their health, or anyone else’s. Their only response was “don’t get us sick. We can’t afford to miss class. Don’t leave your room.”

And so I didn’t.

It’s funny, how not leaving your room gets very difficult after a while. For starters, I had to use the bathroom. That, I accepted, was a necessary quarantine breach. I couldn’t pee in my room. The landlords would kill me, but more practically, that’s just unsanitary and would make me getting sick more likely. I couldn’t hold it forever, either. At some point I was forced to leave. And that was fine, small dilemma resolved, I’d only go when I desperately had to use the bathroom. But what about leaving for other things?

I never thought to ask if I could leave to get my things from downstairs. That was frivolous, even if I wanted them. Or to go downstairs for my water, or snacks. Too risky. Common areas. My roommates had been very clear that any risk of them getting sick would be dire.

Which meant that when my sick body started having bodily needs, things quickly got very complicated.

That first day, after my appointment, I ordered chipotle. My mom had venmoed me some money when she heard I was sick, worrying that I hadn’t been eating. Which. I hadn’t. I asked my roommate to bring me my food, and after a while, she did. Perfect. The burrito would tide me over for a while, I thought. I’d be full for a long time.

Then thirst started to crawl up on me. I had juice at the doctor’s that morning (I was hyperventilating and they needed an accurate measure of my heart rate), but other than that, I’d had nothing. I needed water.

But I didn’t ask for any.

Instead, I waited until the dead of night, and then stole down the stairs, grabbed several waters, crept back upstairs, and chugged desperately while hoping my roommates didn’t catch me leaving my room.

Why did I do that?

Why didn’t I just ask for water?

Why did I feel ashamed, like I had broken some law?

The next day, I woke up starving. Which makes sense. I hadn’t eaten since noon the day before. I was sick. My body needed energy to heal and it didn’t have any. I complained to my friend that I was hungry and sick; they were very kind, and went to the grocery store for me, buying me popsicles and juice and Gatorade and other foods and medicine and such. Except, my roommates didn’t want any strangers in the house, so they delivered it on my doorstep. Which I couldn’t get to. One roommate collected the groceries, sent me a photo, and I was suddenly struck with guilt. Here I was, inviting a stranger to her to our home, inconveniencing her by forcing her to put away my groceries. But I was also very thirsty, so I asked for one of the Gatorades to be delivered to my room. She brought up the whole pack. Left it outside my doorstep. I waited until she was back downstairs. She didn’t bring up anything else; none of the medicine or food my friend had bought me. But in fairness, I didn’t ask her to.

The next 48 hours were marked by living off of that Gatorade.

I was thirsty, so I drank a Gatorade. And then I realized I felt less hungry afterwards, so I opened another one. Drank that one too. The fun thing is, I don’t actually like Gatorade? I asked for it because I was dehydrated and knew I needed electrolytes to replace the fever sweat. But usually, Gatorade is something I begrudgingly sip at.

I finished four bottles that day.

That night, I texted my roommates and asked if someone could microwave me some food. It was already precooked, I just needed it microwaved. I got back one roommate’s text: “I’m in class”.

Around an hour later, the other roommate stopped studying long enough to make dinner, and saw my text, and apparently felt kind enough to microwave precooked sausage for me. She didn’t really check it? It was still cold in the middle. Which. Was not great, given that I have major texture sensitivities surrounding cold food. But she had made it for me, and I hadn’t eaten in over 24 hours since then, so I ate it. Slowly. Forcing myself to swallow. Don’t think about it don’t think about it don’t think about it, just *swallow*. You have no room to complain.

I was still hungry. So I had another Gatorade.

Thursday arrived, I was on my last day of quarantine, and I had a weekend of recovery to look forward to. I was egregiously sick of Gatorade. My teeth, in my phone’s camera, were pink from the red dye. The paper plate from last night sat on my floor, forgotten, still smelling of sausage. I caught up on schoolwork. One of my two labs had leftover recordings from 2020, so I could make that one up online, and I got an exemption for attending the other one. I was weak and shaking from low blood sugar and illness, but I had shit to do, so I did it. Was it my best work? No. Did it get done? Yes. I was too tired to care about scores.

My homework was done. It was 3:48 PM. I was starving.

I texted and asked for someone to make me a frozen meal from the freezer. Slightly more inconvenient than the microwave. It had to go in the oven. I winced typing it. My roommates were so busy. They didn’t have time to waste on me.

Return text: “I’m in band til 5:20”.

Coolcoolcool. I can wait. I’ll sip another Gatorade.

5:20 comes and goes. I hear the door downstairs open. Half an hour passes. No sounds of food making. Welp. She’s busy. Maybe she forgot, or class ran overtime and I misheard, or she just can’t do it.

I text: “Checking in on the food situation?”

Suddenly, in that moment, my roommates stopped caring if I got them sick by leaving my room. The third time I ate in four days was by dinner I cooked myself, sitting on the floor of the kitchen with a mask on, trying not to fall asleep and let it burn.

Honestly, I walked away from that situation feeling like I was in the wrong. Clearly I had misunderstood something. Every time I asked for something, there was a long pause, or I was told someone was too busy to help me. I was burdening my roommates with my needs, when they were trying to work on schoolwork. Maybe I should have known I could leave my room for water, or to cook, during the day. Nevermind that I was so tired that standing up made my legs shake. I could still walk. I could sit on the floor and wait for my food. I could have taken breaks on the stairs if I was tired. I’d been lazy and needy and presumptuous.

My friends had… a different opinion about that situation.

This week, I got sick. I knew I was likely going to get sick. I went to visit some close friends, knowing some of them weren’t feeling well, and that I was going to be staying in their house. It was a calculated risk for me. I wouldn’t be in contact with a lot of other people during the trip, and if I did get sick during the trip, I wouldn’t leave the house, and regardless of how I felt, I would wear a mask while outside the house. I knew I could easily self isolate when I got home from the trip, since my bedroom is across from the bathroom and right next to the kitchen. I thought that I could just sleep during the day and eat at night, and nobody would have to be bothered by me when I got sick. I love these friends very much, and for me, it was worth it.

Notably, I live in a new house now, and with new roommates.

I did get sick, like I predicted. During the trip, no less. The second half of my visit was mostly me sleeping on a couch, or trying very hard to stay awake on a couch. I was miserable a lot of the time. I cried several times over minor inconveniences. I felt lazy and needy and presumptuous; now my friends had to put up with me being sick and weepy. I wasn’t being helpful. I wasn’t being energetic and fun to be around.

The way they treated me was night and day, compared to my old roommates.

Every time someone passed me by, they asked if I was okay. Did I want tea? Did I want some Emergen-C? Could I be persuaded to eat something? Did I need ibuprofen, or perhaps some pseudoephedrine? We ran out of sparkling water, and my friend just. Went to the store and got me some more, and some chips I liked, and some candy as a treat to snack on. I misplaced a plushie, and started crying, and… someone got up and helped me find her. They also played video games and streamed it so I could watch it from my phone while resting. Someone made my favorite dinners. My sensory issues flared up halfway through eating toast, and suddenly I had multiple people helping me get food I could eat to take my meds with. When I needed to shower, I was given access to a shower chair. I was never more than a word away from help, even if it was just something I wanted and not something I needed to feel better.

And then I got home, and my new roommate did the same thing!

I went to self isolate in my room, fully expecting to be forgotten about for the rest of the day. But my roommate sat six feet away, through my doorway, just talking to me until I was laughing. They made me dinner, and then lunch the next day. They bought me groceries again. Told me I could leave my room whenever I needed to, and that I was allowed to get water and food, why was that even a question? Hey, come watch me play Baldur’s gate. Yeah you can sit in the living room; you have a mask on and we’ll be distanced enough.

And every time I said how nice someone was being, or tried to apologize for being needy or inconvenient, I got pushed back. No, we’re not “being so nice to you”, this is basic decency, Blue. This is normal. People are meant to take care of each other when they’re sick. Who would just abandon a sick person to starve? Why are you apologizing? Why do you keep asking if you’re “allowed” to take care of your basic needs?

I don’t know.

It’s easy to point to my COVID experience and say that’s what messed me up. But even when I was sick with COVID, I didn’t want to ask for help. The negative responses reinforced that I was being too needy, but that idea wasn’t new to me. I already didn’t want to ask. I didn’t ask for food multiple times a day. I didn’t ask for the food and medicine my friend had bought me. I didn’t ask for water; I stole it from my own minifridge in the dead of night. Why didn’t you just steal food too, Blue? Great question! I felt so guilty about getting the water that it outweighed my intense hunger.

And the whole time I recounted it to other people, I doubted my own experience of the events. My memory is notoriously shitty when I’m tired or sick. I lose chunks of time. It happens. Maybe I forgot when my roommates did help me. Maybe I was emotional and misremembered how they treated me. Maybe they did care, and did ask about me, and I was too feverish to remember it. But I do have text records of every conversation we had between that Tuesday and Thursday. Because I was in my room the whole time. And could not talk to people. I have timestamps for their responses, and I have what they said and what I said.

And from those brief texts, I can tell you that I was treated as needy. and lazy. and presumptuous. I can tell you that my needs weren’t met, and instead of being angry, I apologized. I can tell you that my roommates were quick to respond when I talked about the cat sitting in the bathroom sink, or where to find the pizza cutter, but when I asked for any help, it was radio silence or “I’m in class”. Any help I did receive in that time was delayed, with no verbal confirmation it was happening, and I was left in extended limbo wondering if anybody would help me or had even read my messages.

All that’s changed is, now I know it didn’t have to be that way.

These old roommates still call me their friend. I don’t really know that I want to be their friend anymore. My friends didn’t neglect me so much that I spent hours shivering on the couch ignored, or got stuck in a shower with no way to ask for help, or stole water in the dead of night.

[lavenderlambie]

Do you have any tips on writing an AAC user character? I have a Sonic OC named Rush the Pangolin. She is Mighty’s sister and she is a non verbal / non speaking autistic AAC user.

My number one tip is researching about all types of AAC!

I only have experience with high tech AAC, which I use my android tablet for! Though there are devices that are just meant for AAC as well.

Low tech examples I can think of like the little communication cards, carrable white board, and even just writing on paper!

Infantization is a common problem I notice when people write AAC users and similar. Try to avoid that, like letting them cuss and swear like their speaking peers! And for them to actually speak for themselves and not have a friend or carer always talk for them instead and such!

Showing personality a well with their AAC is neat! Like do their cpmmucation cards have their favorite characters from their favorite show/game? Or their AAC device decorated with stickers and etc?

Keep in mind of other equipment nonspeaking people may need!

Like a strap that helps their device be more easy to walk around with or a lanyard that their communication cards are attached to!

Typing styles is another thing I keep in mind! When I use my AAC I have 'perfect' grammer though other times especially when my spoons are low, my is more style and such! Like for example "Hi how r u?", "Is that 4 u?", and "I going 2 school." are some examples I can provide!

Though the most important advice I can share aside from research on AAC is to speak to actual AAC users themselves!

I hope this helps! /gen