#mathew baynton i want you

[statementofjoespookie]

julian x robin x mary throuple canon bc i said so

[boromirswife]

@giftober 2024 | Day 9: Numbers

You, Me, and the Apocalypse + Countdown to the end of the world

[todayisyourturntolose]

the horrible histories point/click game but its just the part with mat in drag bcuz guess who downloaded an entire flash game catalog just so they could play this game and get to this bit

[inawearyworld]

another wren thought:

(regarding little details of the movie, more shakespeare nerdery, and the possible effects of the possibly-foregone conclusion)

it’s been noticed that, on wonka’s candy-making suitcase thing, when he presses a button to add lightning to noodle’s chocolate, there are some other buttons with little indicator pictures, and one of them has a heart on it. i think i saw a post here that wondered whether that meant he could make aphrodisiac chocolates. which could be VERY INTERESTING

i think that, at some point during the heist, as wren trailed the cartel and occasionally let herself be seen for half a second to throw them off, she overheard their conversation, part of which involved fickelgruber ranting to the others of how “that sickly sweet child stole my florence. i wouldn’t be surprised if it was one of his magic chocolates that did it. to dispose of a business threat is one thing, but wonka deserves what’s coming to him.” and the others are just “certainly, felix”, unsure how to feel abt the bombshell dropped yesterday re: his background but still sticking by him bc they’re in too deep now (and because i’ll die on the hill that, despite their nastiness, the cartel actually does care about each other, in their way).

so wren’s obv thinking a lot at this point. a) worried sick abt what exactly is “coming to him” b) realizing that, if willy is a “child” in felix’s eyes, so is she c) about the magic chocolate thing…he wouldn’t. he wouldn’t. would he? either way, i’ve known long before he came to town that something needed to change.

so she kicks her spying into high gear, trying to stop whatever’s about to happen from happening, but winds up losing the cartel at some point. then she and lofty rescue the pair and the story goes on. she does bring up later what she heard, and willy is stunned by felix’s implication, in the same way he’s shocked by any immorality through a lot of the movie.

he says simply that, in his travels through greece, he did come across a little purple flower in a field of white ones. remembering how his mom’s voice danced across shakespeare’s curious poetry of fairy magic and love-in-idleness, he bottled a bit of the flower’s juice (along with that of its antidote), but never used it.

and he’s telling the truth, of course, so her worry is put to rest. they’d probably think of it as something funny; she’d swoon, overact, wax poetic as if she had been taken over, and he’d laugh, because he’d never want her to be anything but herself. and something inside her would warm to know she’d made him laugh, because she loves him. she loves him, because there is a meadow in his eyes and a sky in his voice, because he is compassionate and creative and honest.

it isn’t until he gets older and jaded that he takes on wilder’s Core Wonka Thing™️ of wanting the outside world to never be sure whether he’s lying or in earnest at any given point.

…and then the question is how long wren stayed when that did happen.

presumably, the cartel didn’t face enough consequences when they landed to be truly ruined, if the plot sticks and they were able to rebuild their businesses and send spies. the worrying thing is that there is canonically a massive gulf of twenty-five years between the end of the prequel and the start of what everyone knows. apparently paul king said once that a sequel to the prequel would be much darker.

and where does that leave wren? maybe willy, as he became paranoid as described at the start of catcf, started to mistrust her. maybe her heart broke as she watched the kind young man who’d helped to set her free become everything that he swore not to be. maybe as he became more of the morally grey willy wonka that the world’s always known, more isolated and fearful, he made another emerald-wrapped heart-shaped almond milk chocolate, but he did press that button for the first time. maybe she realized it before it was too late and left, not knowing-perhaps not caring-that the second he pressed the button he immediately regretted it. of course he’d go back to the initial suitcase, of course he’d want things to be as they were when he first defeated the cartel and he was young and hopeful and kind and the world was full of possibility, bc even in the prequel one of his main motivations is nostalgia. “i just wanted it to feel the way that it did when i was a kid.” the first chapter of charlie and the great glass elevator is called “mr wonka goes too far”, which is a solid summation of just about all of his post-prequel characterization.

catcf as a story demands that willy wonka begin it alone. and of course wren would refuse to be manipulated by yet another chocolatier, to be kept in yet another cage. she is the songbird and she must fly.

she will get out if she has to.

…but maybe, just maybe, she won’t have to. maybe, to bring it back to midsummer, “the story shall be changed”. maybe the foregone conclusion isn’t so foregone. maybe he’ll keep his integrity and things will be okay in this universe. maybe she won’t have to be in a constant state of leaving in order to preserve her freedom. i do hope so.

[picture-me-in-the-trees]

i may not be good at a lot, but i certainly can tie two things together that have no connection whatsoever except through a string of very specific and minute details that somehow relates to an interest of mine in any way

[grinchwrapsupreme]

the true power of the Six Idiots comes from the fact that they all look like cartoon characters

[otaku-girl-ao3]

Otaku_Girl's Fanfic Masterlist

Here is a quick overview of my complete Wonka (2023) fanfic back catalogue (and a few other Mathew Baynton related fandoms). I thought it'd be simpler to have everything in one place to find them more quickly 😊 The easiest way to follow my work and get the latest updates on all of my fics is via Archive Of Our Own - subscribing via my main Otaku_girl or my Wonka specific pseud AHatfulOfDreams.

Personal favourite

➼ Willy Wonka x Felix Fickelgruber

Sugar Daddy? Call Me (Sir)

Used to being in control during his working life, Willy wants (needs) someone to take control of his life outside of the inventing room. But trying to juggle his wants and desires without risking his dream may prove to be more tricky than he had anticipated.

Felix likes to be in control. A man of power, he’s not used to hearing no. Everybody has a price. Everyone. There’s no way some upstart chocolate maker would dare do anything but roll over for Fickelgruber, is there?

Read it here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/53223310

long fic (150k+) ~ sugar daddy ~ bdsm ~ smut

➼ Dark!Wonka x Felix Fickelgruber

His (Darkness)

“Arthur. You cannot be serious.”

“As you can see, he is mainly housebroken. But he still needs to be put in his place on a regular basis. He needs to be taught a firm lesson, as it were. You can take Felix if you want him. Consider him my little welcoming gift to you. He’s not as pretty or as young as he once was, but at least he’ll keep thin for you. And he’s very obedient when remembers to mind his manners.”

“No, Arthur, please.”

“Do you think that you can handle him, Wonka? He is clearly in need of some remedial lessons.”

“I think I shouldn’t have a problem, Arthur. I thank you for the gift. I shall make sure to use it thoroughly before your return. Perhaps he could do with a reminder of precisely who he deserves to be owned by. Property doesn’t get to choose its master.”

Dark!Wonka. Post-canon. Please read the tags as they are updated. We're in for another long one, folks.

Read it here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/54770731

Dove ~ dark ~ eventual happy ending ~ smut

x Reader fics

➼ Willy Wonka x Reader

(Pure) Imagination

You wouldn't go as far as to say you love your job, but you do love the freedom it gives you. One frozen night, you encounter a customer unlike any other, who seems determined to show you a world beyond your imagination. Wonka hires your services for the night. You end up with more than you bargained for. Read it here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/52955674

light-hearted ~ sex work ~ smut

Bitter Choices & Unsweetened Dreams

“I thought she was your sister?” “What’s it to you?”  “It’s a great deal to me.” Mister Top Hat says, voice even and calm. “Family is family. But property…” His eyes flick down the length of you once more, as though weighing up his words, before saying, “Well, property can change hands.”

When trying to escape capture, you ask for Mister Wonka's help. Sometimes, it's best to be careful what you wish for.

Read it here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/53109055

Dark!Wonka ~ angst with a happy ending ~ nonsexual

The Most Fearsome Foe Known to Man

Willy accidentally angers the most fearsome of potential foes known to mankind: a librarian. Despite Noodle’s warnings, he doesn’t understand the importance of returning library books both in the state in which they were borrowed and, most importantly, on time.

Read it here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/53069821

light-hearted ~ crack treated seriously ~ nonsexual

➼ Felix Fickelgruber x Reader

Make Me (Break Me)

“I can assure you that it is all there.” He sounds insulted that you would even consider checking that the amount in full is there before things get started. “Just like the first envelope this evening had the exact amount agreed upon.”

You send him a small placating smile. “It is nothing personal, Mister Fickelgruber. It is just business. Now. Strip."

Felix Fickelgruber has a very specific fantasy in mind — one that is perhaps best left in the hands of a professional.

Read it here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/54227971

pro-domme reader ~ SSCK ~ smut

➼Multiple pairings

Forget Me (K)Not

“Please? Please. I need…”

“The boy is clearly a beta, Felix. Use your nose. No self-respecting omega would go around smelling like that. And have you not seen his clothes? The callouses on his hands? I know you have a weakness for pretty little things, Felix, but wake up. This is no more than another pathetic attempt by a money-grubbing, greedy child to get a leg up. So no. Absolutely not. I will not even entertain the thought.”

Read it here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/54321145

A/B/O ~ first heat ~ omegaverse ~ smut

For a moment like this

“Arthur.”

There’s no space for words between them. The name falling from his lips — an admonishment, a prayer, a breathy, needy plea — is more than enough.

Thick fingers — strong enough to break him, if Arthur so wishes — tug at delicate tweed. The unmistakable sound of fabric tearing, of buttons skittering across wooden floorboards, of bare flesh meeting bare flesh intertwines with their harsh breaths.

Gerald, Arthur and Felix share moments together. [Now] a collection of poly chocolate cartel vignettes.

Read it here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/56211682

Polyamory ~ vignettes ~ ficlet collection ~ poly chocolate cartel

Party favour

“Remember this is what you asked for. You wanted this.”

Hands clenching and unclenching, he wished not for the first time, that he had been more careful. He had relied on the kindness of strangers for so long — too long. It would seem that he had grown used to their help, their honesty and support. He didn’t think to look for deception in their every move, to seek out the potential dangers in their every action.

He should have learned his lesson from his contract with Mrs Scrubbit and Mister Bleacher.

He should have done a lot of things.

“Don’t worry. I’m going to stay right here. I’ll make sure anyone who comes even remotely our way will enjoy the view to the fullest.”

Willy receives an invite to a gala that doesn’t go exactly as he had planned. Poly chocolate cartel gangbang fic~ with added Chief of Police!

Read it here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/56432554

Trans Wonka ~ shameless smut ~ polyamory ~ poly chocolate cartel

Until it happens to you (you won't know)

Willy! I thought you had everything sorted with the Chief? What happened with your little chat?”

“I… everything is fine, Noodle. It’s fine. Don’t you worry about a thing.”

“There you are, candyman. I knew I’d find you around here somewhere. You know, the funniest thing happened. I came lookin’ for ya, and I couldn’t find you anywhere. Even that nice Mister Bleacher couldn’t find you. It’s almost as if you were hiding from me. Me! You wouldn't be stupid enough to hide from the police, would you, Wonka?”

The Chief of Police decides to reinforce his little message with more than just a bonk on the head.

Read it here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/56123263

Dark fic ~ threesome ~ waterboarding ~ Felix x Willy x Chief

The Most (Un)Romantic Day of the Year

Arthur did not consider himself to be a romantic man. Yet even he felt it was not too unresonable to expect to spend their anniversary together.

The poly chocolate cartel engagement fic that one person kind-of asked for. Pure fluff.

Read it here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/54916120

Romance ~ established relationship ~ marriage proposal

Dark Deeds and Bitter Choices

What if Mrs Scrubbit decided that they could make more money using Willy's talents elsewhere, outside of the washhouse?

The Arthur/Felix/Willy fic that nobody asked for.

Read it here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/53986543

Dark!Arthur ~ dove ~ non-ssck ~ smut

➼ Willy Wonka x Arthur Slugworth

(A World Of) My Own

Wonka’s store stood, a hollowed-out husk, the remains burned to cinders. When the cartel came, what if Arthur felt a twinge of something he hadn’t felt in years? The pre-slash/ get-together fic that precisely one person asked for.

Read it here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/54184039

Guilt ~ fix-it ~ accidental dating

➼ Willy Wonka x The Chief of Police

Three strikes

Willy thought back to their last meeting, to the freezing cold water, to the sharp whack to the back of his head. It was not a situation he hoped to repeat anytime soon."Officer, I—”

"That's the problem with all of you young upstarts. You never do think.”

While waiting to meet Felix for their date, Willy manages to draw the ire of the Chief of Police.

Read it here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/54115921

misunderstandings ~ dove ~ hurt no comfort

➼ Felix Fickelgruber x Arthur Slugworth

Strength (In Silence)

Arthur is a man who knows his strength all too well. He thought that he was concealing his fears from Felix; yet the other man would never cease to amaze him in the most unexpected of ways.

A soft colleagues-to-lovers bdsm fic with gentle!Dom Felix and Submissive!Arthur, where Arthur is afraid of his own strength (and Felix is determined that isn’t a good enough reason for them not to fuck like bunnies).

Read it here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/54916276

Kink negotiation ~ submissive Arthur ~ gentle dominant Felix

Empty

There’s no colour in the sky when Felix wakes up. There’s no warmth in his chest, or excitement in his gut. There is nothing but the unwavering certainty: he is not enough.

Read it here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/54447592

depression ~ anxiety ~ hurt no comfort

For a Moment

“I have a spare room. It’s nothin fancy, but it beats any of the shelters I’m meant to recommend in these cases.”

“These cases?”

The chief looked down, before steeling himself and meeting Felix’s gaze once more. “I think we both know what I mean, Mister Fickelgruber, Sir.”

“I do not think that we do. You shall have to spell it out for me.”

It takes an average of seven attempts for a person to leave a domestic violent situation for good.

Read it here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/54618847

domestic abuse ~ hurt no comfort ~ hopeful ending

Pet

“It really is quite simple, Arthur. I have certain…predilections when it comes to my partners. I enjoy a certain, shall we say, power dynamic within the bedroom.”

“You wish to be held down and told what to do? I can do that."

“You misunderstand, darling. I prefer to be the one doing the ‘holding down’ and ‘telling what to do’, as it were."

Arthur Slugworth was not a man who took orders. And yet, for Felix...he could learn to be.

Read it here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/54652468

submissive Arthur ~ dominant Felix ~ BDSM

Things (Best) Left Unsaid

“You’re married, aren’t you?” “Er, yes? Yes I am Mister Fickelgruber.” “Do you ever regret it?”

Read it here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/54726334

reflection ~ marriage ~ doubt

➼ Felix Fickelgruber x The Chief of Police

Just Give Me A Reason (Just A Little Bit's Enough)

“What brings you to my doorstep this evening, Chief? I do hope that I shall have the opportunity to counter whatever offer Arthur has made you before you proceed.”

The Chief looked at him blankly. He could see the tenseness around Felix’s mouth, the tightness around his eyes. Was that his hands shaking, just visible above his desk? Surely not. Felix didn’t get nervous. Not like that. Unless…His stomach dropped. “Before I—Jesus Christ Felix, I’m not here because Arthur sent me.”

When Felix misses a cartel meeting, The Chief of Police can't help but worry. Shameless smut ensues. Can be read as a stand-alone or a follow-on from Things (Best) Left Unsaid.

Read it here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/55171597

submissive Chief ~ dominant Felix ~ smut

His Jewel

Francis hates the feeling of not being plugged. It had been one of Felix’s first requirements, when they first began their little arrangement. He had thought the other man was joking at first. Until he had seen the look of disappointment in Felix’s eyes when he had slipped a hand beneath his uniform trousers to check, and found his hole clenched tightly shut, not a single sign of use since the last time Felix had deemed him worthy of his time and attention.

Felix gets The Chief a special little something to help him think about him whenever they aren't together.

Read it here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/54257518

butt plugs ~ bdsm ~ smut

➼ Felix Fickelgruber x Gerald Prodnose

Falling In Love (With My Best Friend)

“What happened this time, Felix?”

“I made an utter fool of myself. Again. I thought…” he trailed off. Settling the delicate china down, he allowed his hands to rest in his lap. He turned them over slowly, eyes running over the delicate bones shifting just beneath the surface, the faint calluses that could truly only be felt rather than seen unless you knew to look for them. Nobody ever looked at Felix and thought to look for them.

“Felix?”

“He called me a slut.”

Read it here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/55776700

friends to lovers ~ smut ~ praise kink

x Crossover fics

➼ Wonka (2023) x You, Me and the Apocalypse

Darling boy

Felix Fickelgruber x Ariel Conroy

"You took something that belongs to me, Mister Conroy. And I shall have you repay that debt. One way or another."

Ariel thought that he was just hacking funds from another wealthy nobody. Too bad that Felix doesn’t take kindly to having his money stolen. Luckily for Ariel, there are other methods of repayment that he is willing to accept.

The Wonka x You, Me and The Apocalypse (crossover) that nobody asked for and like maybe two people will ever read 😂 (Please note: This is primarily set in the Wonka-verse, so you can read Ariel as an OC if you are unfamiliar with YMATA).

Read it here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/54566395

Kidnapping ~ dove ~ happy ending ~ smut ~ bdsm ~ crossover

You can find me on the Wonka Discord, AO3, or here on Tumblr

I do my best to respond to every comment on AO3. Regular updates on WIPs guaranteed 💯

Other Fandoms

Ghosts (2019)

Take a chance on me

Pat Butcher x Reader

“Now c'mon then love, let’s see you. Only if you’re sure. I could fetch one of the others if you’d like? Julian’s got a ton of experience if even half of his stories are to be believed. And Thomas…well, if you like that sort of thing. I suppose he’s a good enough looking chap if you can get past his poetry. And all the love confessions about other women. And the moping. And the…general Thomas-ness.”

“I think I’d rather just keep this between the two of us if that’s ok with you, Pat? At least for now? Anything else sounds a little bit advanced for…”

“For your first time as a ghost?” Pat finishes your sentence for you, sending you a reassuring smile, “We’ve all been there."

“Haha. Yes. It will be my first time as a ghost. And also…maybe… my first time…”

Read it here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/55039954

Gentle dom ~ reader insert ~ pure smut ~ virgin reader

Can't take it back (once it's been set in motion)

Thomas Thorne x Reader; Pat Butcher x Reader; Thomas Thorne x Julian Fawcett

“Patrick tells me that you are inexperienced in the ways of the flesh.”

“Pat said what?”

“Patrick was telling me all about your little…conversation," Thomas said delicately, a small, sly smile curling at the corners of his lips. "And I was wondering if perhaps I might be of some assistance?”

Thomas offers to help you lose your virginity. It would be a far more appealing prospect, if you weren't half convinced you were developing feelings for Pat.

-

This can be read as a stand-alone, or a sequel to my Pat/Reader fic ‘Take a chance on me’. Shameless smut which developed a little bit of plot.

Read it here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/55376755

Misunderstandings ~ cunnilingus ~ smut ~ virgin reader

Bullet Train (2022)

A Certain satisfaction (in a Little Bit of Pain)

Tangerine x Lemon

Lemon pressed his knee lower against the swell of Tangerine’s arse, waiting patiently for his struggles to die down once more.

“Is this actually helping, Tan? Because I can keep this up all night. So why don’t you stop being a little bitch, and run through your safewords for me like a good fuckin' boy so we can get started.”

-

After a job goes bad, Lemon knows what Tangerine needs. If only he can get Tangerine out of his own head long enough to give it to him.

Read it here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/55881517

bdsm ~ everyone lives nobody dies ~ smut ~ my first try at the fruits

I just wanna see you (be brave)

Ladybug x Tangerine, Ladybug x Tangerine x Lemon, Tangerine x Lemon

“What the hell am I supposed to do with him?”

“It’s really not that bloody hard, mate. Just keep him locked in his room. This job shouldn’t last more than another day. Three at most.”

“Three? He’s fucking gone into rut, Lemon. How am I supposed to keep him calm and—”

“Oh, there’s no chance of that. Yeah. He’s just gotta work it out of his system. Leave him to it; I’ll help him when I get back. Oh, and Ladybird?”

“It’s LadyBUG actually—”

“It’s heat, not rut.”

Read it here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/57032443

Non-traditional a/b/o dynamics ~ shameless smut ~ 60k

[wav3y-zzz]

Didn't realise I'd have to state the obvious over here in the cool kidz club, but if you are a pedo nonce proshipper, GET UP OUT OF HERE!!!!🤢🤮 NO LANKY NONCES ON MY ACCOUNT EWWWWWWWW YUCKY!!!!!!!! THOU HAST BEEN WARNED!!!! ⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️🚫🚫🚫🚫🚫🚫

If you a proshipper like actually just piss off, I can't be bothered ✋️🙄

Anyway intro post time ig!!!!! Sorry NOT SORRY about allat at the top, just want to make it clear I don't want any creeps on my account.

The names Wav3y! I don't really mind what people call me, but yk Wav3y is I and I is Wav3y, calling me anything else would just be kinda strange yk 😋

He/him pronouns maybe?? Again I don't really care

Fairly standard dni criteria, proshippers or any of the other variants, racists, homophobes ect. Also dni if you're just like unfunny I don't want among us jokes up in here, I already have to deal with unfunny people in my day to day life I don't wanna have to deal with them online too

I like to do ART in case you haven't noticed, but I also like other things, like music. 90s and early 00s music if we're being specific, im really into Talkshow boy mostly, but there are a ton of other things i listen to,,,,,old music kicks ass yall just dont get it. Also, i mostly collect fnaf merch and monster high dolls in case you wanted to know how insufferable i am!🤑

I LIKE OTHER THINGS ALSO!!!!👍 HISTORY I LOVE HISTORY AND HISTORY RELATED THINGS,,,,, like clone high and horrible histories! Mathew Baynton my beloved.. I'm the biggest FNAF fan I've been into the games for years, it's pretty much one of the only things I've liked consistently for years. I like the games, the books and OMG THE MOVIE NOW which feels so crazy to say after all this time. I of course like other games, I like cookie run ovenbreak (not kingdom) and also undertale (I ❤️ METTATON). And ya, I DO LIKE GOTHIC LIT, i especially like when the book is about mad science (yes i do know everything there is to know about jekyll and hyde).In case you couldn't tell I do get weirdly obsessed with random fictional characters, must be the autism..

I've got a couple of other socials, like tiktok and Instagram, but I ain't really all that active on them, JUST STAY HERE ON TUMBLR YOU GUYS! (no but like actually do follow me on tiktok or whatever)

(Anyways feel free to ask me random stuff, send drawing requests idc go crazy)

[debbeh]

can u give me a guide to the six idiots :33 like maybe with a picture of them n their names n who they play in the Big Three shows :33 pwetty peesse :33

UM YES!?

ok, you saw me earlier trying to format all the images so it's gonna be mostly my (ehhhh) descriptions of the characters and you gotta guess what they look like 😈

Ben Willbond

Yonderland:

Elder Vex (above): the one who says Deb-beh and has the coziest looking outfit I NEED IT RN PLZ and the Tom Cardy- esque hair and earring

Nick: the stick. Grumpy all the time cuz he's a stick >:(. Is also a portal between dimensions but whatevs

Horrible Histories

Mike Peabody :historical news reporter that wishes he were anywhere but here rn

King Henry, Alexander the Great: SkINy MaNdRiA, excellent hair, sniffed a guy

Ghosts

The captain: AKA James, makes a lotta noises, if you ever hear me going weeeahhhhhuuuueeeaaaaaahhhh, I'm referencing him, the gay one<3

Martha Howe-Douglas!

Yonderland!!

Debbie.

Debbie's evil twin sister (bossy boobs)

I just googled it: Rita, the Negatus simp AKA us, the demon that looks like how female animals are protrayed in Barbie movies

Horrible Histories!!!

Boudica (look up the song, it's rlly good), Cleopatra, every female historical figure

Pirate lady....<33333

Ghosts!

Lady Button (present day): Old disgruntled lady that pouts all the time and falls out of windows

Lady Button (flashback)

Mathew Baynton!!!

Yonderland!!!

Oracle: weird blue blob guy, Nigel, Darling

Nanny la roo: NUM NUMS!!!! - nanny that is also a kangaroo

Admiral Anous: Voldemort mf I hate him bc he hates Negatus>:(

Elder Choop: Croissant hair mf, says, "IDK WHY DON'T WE ASK UR MUM??"

Le Fox: French

THE BIRRDDDDD: AKA Thomas Payne, Batman but cooler

Oh yeah, and Elf: the elf shaped one, full name: Grintallin Gobscrew Crotell Fashanu F’naw Goplatz Holla-Holla, has multiple wives apparently and is in debt to the mob

Horible Histories (look all of them up, they are all hot)

Dick Turpin: play the song >:333, shot not one but two men dead!

D.I. Bones: the whakkus bonkkused

King Charles II: absolute party-er

Ghosts

Thomas Thorne, shot, dead! Absolute poetic simp for Allison, drowned himself in the lake ;( -cannot drown-

Jim Howik!!!

Yonderland

Elder Pressley: looks like Elvis, eats christmas tree ornaments

Crone: A sLaPper *wink wink*, has apparently gotten with everyone, goes eeeerrrrrrrrrrr all the time- sounds like a doorhinge, she is amazing

Neil: lhe most normal of the demons probably

Horrible Histories

A SHOUTY MAN!!! :does all the infomercials, will try to sell you piss

King George VI (above) : "oh yesss, dad's dead, I'm king..."

King Richard III: a sweet little guy<3 -according to the song, get's attacked by whasp

Ghosts

Pat Butcher: Greatest DJ in the AAARRREEEEEUHHHHH, killed by a child, AKA Pete in the American version

Larry Rickard

Yonderland

Detective Mounteback: very dumb detective with very large hat

Elder Ho Tan: trans Icon, doesn't like loud noises, absolute baby<3

Sue: above, the lady with the gun from the episode I showed you

Horrible Histories

Bob Hale: weather report, needs a hellicopter and a nice cup of tea, basically Bill Wurtz

Lol knight with shit on head, Aztec guy, George III friend who slays so hard; "ConGRatu-VerY-LaTiOns your... *MAgEsTy*"

Ghosts

Humphrey: keeps getting left on roofs and shelves, does NOT know French smh

Robin: 5,000 yo ghosts, once saw a cool butterfly, KNOWS FRENCH! Got stuck by lightning and now he can turn on lights

and finally... the moment you've been waiting for...

Simon Farnaby!!!

Yonderland!!!

Negatus<333: Silly guy try to take over Yonderland but is just a lil guy, has an evil lair, uses The Font of Orris (cauldron thing that lets you see everything) as a hot tub, get's bullied by all the other overlords, wears pjs with houses on them.

Elder Flowers!!!: Long hair and lack of shirt, vegetarian hippie of the group, wants his clothes to be veGONE, "all you need is love, brothers... oh, and food"

Horrible Histories

Emperor Caligula: the wakkus bonkkus guy

Marcus Licinius Crassus: Knockoff Bassline Junkie song

Ghosts:

Jullian!!!: Died conducting an affair with his secretary!!!, is eternally sorta drunk, does the hand thing, only ghost that can interact with stuff, makes silly EEERREREEEEE noise when he's trying to move something, his name is Trevor in the American version, sad when there's no porn on da TV ;(, has no pants BTW

Thanks for coming to my TEDTALK!!!

Lemme know if I missed anything!

[boromirswife]

Autistic Headcanon ► Jamie Winton (You, Me, & The Apocalypse)

[pers-books]

about White Rabbit Red Rabbit

Experimental drama at its best. See what happens with no rehearsal, no director, a different actor each night and a script waiting in a sealed envelope on the stage.

Each night a completely new adventure awaits – depending on how the author’s words compel each actor to perform. Internationally acclaimed White Rabbit Red Rabbit, by Iranian writer Nassim Soleimanpour, is a theatrical adventure embracing comedy and tragedy. An edge of your seat experience with some of the UK’s most extraordinary talent, you don’t want to miss this theatrical event of the year.

“I was born on Azar 19th, 1360 in Tehran. That’s Tehran, December 10th, 1981 in Christian years…”

Forbidden to leave his country, playwright Nassim Soleimanpour distilled the experience of an entire generation in a wild, utterly original play. White Rabbit Red Rabbit is as much about contemporary Iran as it is about power dynamics in the rest of the world.

Since its joint premiere in 2011 in Edinburgh and SummerWorks festival, White Rabbit Red Rabbit has been translated into more than 30 different languages and been performed over 3,000 times by some of the biggest names in theatre and film.

Please note: age guidance of 14+ is recommended. This is not for the faint of heart. There are many themes in this show that are designed to make the viewer feel uncomfortable and think for many days to come.

The performance schedule is as follows:

Tuesday 1 October (8.00pm) – Nick Mohammed Wednesday 2 October (8.00pm) – Mathew Baynton Thursday 3 October (8.00pm) – Jill Halfpenny Friday 4 October (8.00pm) – Michael Sheen Saturday 5 October (3.00pm) – Daisy Edgar Jones Saturday 5 October (8.00pm) – Pearl Mackie Sunday 6 October (2.00pm) – Ben Bailey Smith Sunday 6 October (8.00pm) – Jason Isaacs

Tuesday 8 October (8.00pm) – Olly Alexander Wednesday 9 October (8.00pm) – Kate Fleetwood Thursday 10 October (8.00pm) – Alfred Enoch Friday 11 October (8.00pm) – John Bishop Saturday 12 October (3.00pm) – Tonia Sotiropoulou Saturday 12 October (8.00pm) – Jonathan Pryce Sunday 13 October (2.00pm) – Keith Allen Sunday 13 October (6.00pm) – Richard Gadd Monday 14 October (8.00pm) – Omari Douglas Tuesday 15 October (8.00pm) – Alan Davies Wednesday 16 October (8.00pm) – Sally Phillips Thursday 17 October (8.00pm) – Catherine Tate Friday 18 October (8.00pm) – Freema Agyeman Saturday 19 October (2.00pm) – Julie Hesmondhalgh Saturday 19 October (5.00pm) – Joe Dempsie Saturday 19 October (8.00pm) – Callum Scott Howells

show details

1st - 19th October 2024

@sohoplace has contactless ticketing for every performance. Tickets will be issued electronically 48 hours prior to the performance.

Fair access: 50% off across all bands

Running Time: Approximately 65 minutes, no interval

Age Recommendation: 14+

Please note: There are many themes in this show that are designed to make the viewer feel uncomfortable and think for many days to come.

Access Information

To book accessible seating for all of our performances; including wheelchair park seats please click here.

Access Enquiries Call us on 0330 333 5962 or email us at access@sohoplace.org. For further access information, please view our Accessibility page.

Access performances will be announced shortly.

[baynton]

if you're interested, girl!mat footage and gladiator!mat footage from the horrible histories game

[eightwholebreads]

things that happened yesterday (aka some stuff about the comedians football but also a large chunk of me complaining about heathrow bus station(s))

I must have been pretty excited about it because i set my alarm to 3:45 to wake up on time and then woke up a little before 3. It was 3°C when i left the house. Lovely clear skies with the sun already risen. I just caught the first train all the way to the airport. My aunt leant me money for the airport transfer ticket but it was card only. I would've gotten the bus from märsta if I'd have known and I'm pretty sure I had time to do that. Security nice and quick. I wandered down the whole of terminal 2 just to see what was about (not much) then went up to the gate. Plane boarded on time but we took off a little late.

They give you a snack on BA flights!! The oat cake said it included "gluten free oats". Where do you get glutinous oats because I'd like to try them. Probably had a little sleep over the north sea? Was sat on the wrong side to see london as we were stuck in an air queue but that doesn't matter because there were clouds just over london.

After landing is where the faff began. You go through arrivals, you get to baggage claim, I walked straight through and followed the sign that says buses. You go across a little concourse, through another door, and you get to where some buses are. The bus station! The plan was to get the bus to rickmansworth, then the metropolitan line, because its a little bit quicker. The bus never shows. To cut a long story short it turns out that heathrow has more than one bus station! There's no indication of which one is the central bus station. No indication at the other bus station that there is another bus station. Each bus station numbers their stands 1 to n so its not like you can infer you're in the wrong place by seeing that the stand you want isn't even there. So after standing between 2 potential stands for about half an hour I gave up and went on the tube. Got a bit confused at rayners lane and jumped off a train i needed to actually be on because you need to sort of go back on yourself there. But this proved to be a good thing.

I got to Harrow on the hill and went up and down to the other platform and then walking right towards me was Timmy Key! I don't really have anything to say to him so I walked up the platform, waited for a bit, then walked down again to see if I could see him and sort of follow him since obviously he's going to chesham too. He seemed to have vanished. Oh well. Jump on the train and sit down. Then I notice some familiar voices... Joe and Mark were sat diagonal opposite me! And I'd walked right past them to sit down. Didn't take any pics because how awkward would that be. At some point Ben must have shown up or walked down the train perhaps and all four of them (Joe, Mark, Ben, and Timmy) moved and chatted for a bit.

Got off the train slightly ahead of them all since i was closer to the exit and met up with someone who I don't think is on tumblr? (Sorry if you are and I forgot your url). We tried to look casual as we exited the station because staring is weird but I think i accidentally cut up joe at the ticket barrier pretending I couldn't see him. oops. Sorry Joe

We sort of half followed the group to the grounds and joined the queue. They all carried on past the queue presumably to a secret entrance round the back of the changing rooms. It was so warm that day... so humid. We both got really bad sunburn on our arms. They seem sort of fine now but then I look in the mirror and the contrast is so severe. Football occurred. Maisie Adam's goal and bonus crossbar at the end was phenomenal but all for nothing after all. Mathew Baynton was taking it so seriously. At one point he ball went into the crowd and he just had this serious look on his face the whole time because he needed that ball back because football was there to be played. Ivo hit a woman on the head with a ball at one point and he went over to apologise.

It was so hot yesterday... my friend made sure I didn't die of heat stroke though she lent me her hat and got me some water since I looked like I was verging on unwell. Very unusually I was in short sleeves. Usually I try and muscle it out until about 30°C (long sleeves and layers) but it was just too much yesterday. Somehow it was fine though. The power of my chesham utd shirt perhaps.

I have no decent pictures of the match just a bunch of there's some guys somewhere on a field type pics. Here's the best pic form the day for a sense of the quality

Birds spotted above the pitch were: 2 red kites, 3 geese, 1 corvid of some kind

After the game we went around to the stands to try and grab alex. Little bit of waiting. He's so beautiful. He's so sweet. He was going along a line that had formed along the side of the stands. He recognised me and my friend. He saw us before talking to the people infront of us and said something like "Oh no what have I gotten myself in for" (In a nice way!) I showed him the blanket (have I posted a pic of the blanket here) and said he'll see it in person next month. He asked how when I started it and I said mid november and I meant to finish it for christmas and he said it'll never be finished (It's already finished!) He signed our programmes and I told him I woke up at 3 to come from sweden and he asked (mostly to himself) What were you doing in sweden? then we got pics and said very politely that he has to move on because there's a queue and we were like of course. Of course afterwards I was shaking. Normal reaction.

We went and bought scarves from the merch stand then went to a pub for a pint and talked for an hour or so (mostly about willip and his organisational skills but I won't pass those stories on) and then she drove me home so I bought food on the way back.

Overall great day (besides the heat). My skin still feels kind of warm but that should sort itself out over the rest of the week.

My potatoes are sprouting well!!

[reluctantjoe]

A Good Girl's Guide to Murder - author Holly Jackson and the cast on staying true to the books and the big scenes fans will recognise

Filmed in and around Somerset, the series for BBC iPlayer and BBC Three is based on the smash-hit novels

It’s the Summer holidays, but teenager Pip Fitz-Amobi is focused on an unusual school research project. In Little Kilton five years ago, schoolgirl Andie Bell went missing. Her boyfriend Sal Singh sent a text confessing to the murder before being found dead, seemingly taking his own life. Andie’s body was never found. Case closed. However, Pip isn’t so sure and is determined to prove Sal’s innocence.

The six-part series is based on Holly Jackson’s smash hit novels and stars Emma Myers (Wednesday), Anna Maxwell Martin (Motherland, A Spy Among Friends), Gary Beadle (Rye Lane, Small Axe), Mathew Baynton (Ghosts, Wonka) and newcomer Zain Iqbal.

A Good Girl’s Guide To Murder was filmed in and around Somerset, England. Commissioned by the BBC, the series is produced by Moonage Pictures (The Pursuit of Love, The Gentlemen, Bodies) in co-production with ZDFneo and Netflix.

All episodes will be available on BBC iPlayer from Monday 1 July.

Interview with Mathew Baynton

Playing Elliot Ward

Who is Elliot Ward?

Elliot Ward is Pip's English teacher and Cara and Naomi's father. He believes in Pip and wants to help her do well, and he's attempting to be everything to his girls after they lost their mother. He is trying to hold things together for their sake. It is that complexity that drew me to the role.

What is A Good Girls Guide To Murder about?

A Good Girl's Guide to Murder is about an ambitious and curious young student, Pip, who decides to re-open an old case in which Andie Bell was murdered by her boyfriend Sal Singh, who then killed himself. She suspects the police might have got it wrong. In doing so Pip re-opens old wounds in the community and puts herself in danger in the process. What's cool about it and what really sets it apart is that it's as much a coming of age story as it is a murder investigation. There's this procedural element, but the protagonist is not a professional detective and not even fully an adult yet, she’s someone emerging into adulthood and going through all of the things that you go through at that age. This young woman, Pip, is facing adulthood and all the excitement and terror that comes with it. New relationships, new experiences, both thrilling and scary. It's as much about the realisation that people can hurt you, and that as you go out into the world, you need to be careful who you trust.

How would you describe the dynamic between Elliot and his children, particularly Cara?

You get the feeling that he's really genuinely trying to keep a happy house. He's conscious of the loss that they've all been through, that he loves his daughters and that he wants them to be happy. It doesn't fully delve into how open they are with each other about discussing that grief and so maybe there's more than meets the eye. I feel like he tries to be light with them and there's a bit of humour in the way that they interact with each other.

Had you read the book before you got the role of Elliot?

I hadn’t but as soon as I was on board I started seeing it everywhere and everyone I spoke to who had teenage kids had read it so I quickly realised what a big deal it was. Once I got the part I read the book in order to find out how it ends, because when I was offered the role, there were only scripts for the first few episodes and I was desperate to find out what happened. Does Pip find the truth? Where does my character end up, and where do his daughters end up? I wanted to know more. It was exciting as Holly had written a character with real depth and shades, which Poppy, Dolly and the team translated perfectly to the script and then to screen.

What can we expect from the other casting?

For me I am most interested in Pip, Cara and their group of friends because I think groups of characters can often end up mirroring that. I was watching this bunch of people all become and behave like a really tight group of friends.

What was it like working with Dolly Wells (Director)?

I had worked with Dolly Wells years ago as an actor in Spy and was very excited to work with her as a director. It was a privilege to see her supporting this young cast, and fostering a really positive atmosphere in front of camera, one that ensured we could all do our best work.

What are you most excited for the fans to see?

With a book, it's your own imaginative world, you picture everything in your head and you get really close relationships with those characters. There can be a bit of a process when you get a TV or film version of something where you have to let go of your imagination and then take on the idea, oh, that's what that character looks like. I didn't picture them that way, or whatever. So hopefully there's added dimension to this and people can still go away and enjoy the books and their images in their head, too.

[the-ghost-bracket]

Thomas Thorne propaganda:

"he's the most dramatic little bitch. Thomas: "Do you really want to know what vexed me?" Everyone: "No!" Thomas: "Fine I'll tell you. Lord Byron was my greatest foe. If I had flesh and this were Byron himself, I would damn well run him through. He stole my verse, my destiny, and now he is to steal the woman of my dreams". Kitty: "You say every woman is the woman of your dreams." Thomas: "I have a lot of dreams. And most of them are about women. Apart from the one where I have the body of a crab.""

"definition of a pathetic little meow meow. played by mathew baynton 😍🥵😩🥰🤤"

"He's the ghosts of a regency poet and he's a dramatic little loser and I love him"

"just will not shut up ever and i love him for it, regency era but if given the choice to wear anything he wanted he said he’d wear double denim with aviators so make of that what you will, has a lot of dreams and most of them are about women (except for the one where he has the body of a crab), another fundamentally silly ghost, poet (derogatory)"

"He is eternally an infatuated teenager and it's delightful."

[octopusoptimusprime]

intro post ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

about me!

call me octo :D - they/he/any

intj-t audhd sapphic

i’m really normal about tv shows.

feel free to dm me i LOVE talking to ppl abt my silly little interests

socials

ao3: octopusoptimusprime

spotify <- (including byler playlist)

my favourite…

fandoms: community, stranger things, one day at a time, brooklyn 99, marvel, into the spiderverse, dc, agggtm, she-ra, bbc ghosts, his dark materials, bojack horseman, osemanverse, good omens, young royals, red white & royal blue, inside no. 9, never have i ever, percy jackson, hannibal, murder most unladylike, doctor who, criminal minds, psychoville, tlog, bridgerton

characters: mike wheeler, todd chavez, abed nadir, the captain (ghosts), miles morales, amy santiago, harley quinn, spencer reid, nick nelson, alex claremont-diaz, troy barnes, batman, prince wilhelm, ravi singh, crowley, penelope featherington

people: jack manifold, finn wolfhard, james marriott, ben willbond, david tennant, mathew baynton, john mulaney, tom simons, andy samberg, bo burnham, reece shearsmith

music: frank ocean, tyler the creator, childish gambino, deftones, kali uchis, brent faiyaz, crywank, los campesinos!, steve lacy, slipknot, system of a down, kendrick lamar, baby keem, giveon, hozier

ships: byler, elumax, trobed, jeffabed, sydlena, peraltiago, dianetti, pipravi, harlivy, catradora, silverparry, narlie, wilmon, aziracrow, firstprince, jeffbritta, benvi, tenrose, hannigram, polin, poolverine

things: tv shows, poetry, murder documentaries, kids’ movies, cats, women, dcverse, spiderman, sanrio, rap music

post links

autistic mike masterpost

mike headcanons

byler fic recs

gay mike post

links for my fics

back to you - ‘Mike Wheeler and Will Byers go to the Upside Down, and after an encounter with Vecna, Will decides to sacrifice himself. Mike, of course, is having none of it. And some truths and explanations slip out along the way.’

like real people do - ‘byler goes on a date. that's it that's the fic. enjoy <3’

in the moment - ‘mike gets vecnaed and all he wants is for lucas to accept him.’

dni

racist/homophobic/transphobic/proshipper/bigot/transmed/hp fan/etc

fic recs

byler

(platonic) stobin

trobed

my tags

#octo talks - me saying things

#about me! - self explanatory

#tag game - picrews etc

#favs - very cool stuff

#motherocto / #fatherocto - my parents

#asks - inbox replies

#music - me talking about music

& all tv shows/ships are tagged accordingly!!

∞༺♡༻✧ thank you! love you <3