#massive rant thats been a long time coming

[erivalle]

I'm so excited! So I got a new job! But now here comes a tough bit. I have to talk to my managers (current job) about leaving and/or maybe just working weekends.

I am currently full time so this will be a jolt. I also don't think that they are aware that I am unhappy. (Large rant below)

My last 2 jobs I did a bad and let word get back to management that I planned on leaving. So I have never had to break the news out of the blue. No one knew I was applying elsewhere. A few coworkers knew I wasn't happy with some stuff but not enough to pick up a whole other job. And none of the managers.

4 years and I make shit pay and am classed as the lowest position despite being in charge of my own section for 3 of those years. I have been given access to most of the functions of a manager/supervisor/keyholder. The only thing I don't have is access to the safe (can get into the safe room) and physical keys. And I am not even a lead or senior bookseller.

I was looking anyways due to the shit pay that's raises are currently locked into a company wide yearly raise, but it would have been nice to get a title or some shit. Like I am literally the longest working bookseller that isn't a lead/keyholder/manager there is no other mere bookseller who has my seniority. 4 fucking years. And bookseller is my only title, and my pay is almost 2 dollars more at my new job.

I am just tired and have no clue how I am going to have this conversation. I am not planning on quitting just go down to 2 days a week rather than the almost 40 hours I currently get. But I am slightly worried about repercussions on a personal level. Company level nothing will happen that I am not already expecting (losing my current insurance) but pettiness might happen. Like taking me off the schedule entirely.

I just hate how I left my last job due to petty personal shit that lead to me not even being allowed to apply for a supervisor position (that several managers said they wanted me for) and now I am sort of leaving this one due to lack of advancement yet increase of responsibilities (or rather wider range of knowledge and access than just a bookseller would have).

I just feel undervalued and yet have high expectations. I could probably just confront them on my lack of promotion but I feel like I shouldn't have to be the one to bring up the topic of advancement. It's like if yall can't even bring the topic up with me (while bringing it up with a less senior and qualified coworker who is also part-time unlike my full-time) then it's clear that they doubt my capabilities (despite raving about them to my face) and don't really respect me. Feel a bit taken for granted and skipped over. There is just such a favoritism game being played and it's clear to me that I am not winning and won't without me fighting hard for it. Which I fear would spark drama and resentment.

If I have to bring it up with the topic of me while they are having that conversation with others then there is a lack of trust I was unaware of. Or I am not meeting goals and behaviors that I wasn't aware of either. And taunting me with a "if you want to be... then we want to see/you have to...) on things I was already doing but apparently not enough of that it's going unnoticed or unremarked upon.

Like I was given the code to the safe room but someone who was here for two years with complaints gets a conversation that I haven't. I am trusted with the inner workings of our system and the place we put all the cash and the actual registers but I can't do enough to get a title of senior bookseller. "Her Erin, here is all our money and whole we are at it here is the access to all these functions that impact our sales. But nah if you want to get to senior bookseller one day then you would be required to to _*insert a job requirement for the position that I was in fact already doing*" I am getting the message the 'we trust you but we don't actually trust you'.

I am not deserving of a title reflecting my job responsibilities. So here is $2 more an hour job. With almost the same benefits I currently have. Bit emotional right now so im bitter and feeling disrespected and slightly betrayed. Just if I'm not considered deserving of a title matching the job I already do then I don't know what else I can be doing to earn it. I don't know where I don't measure up. And it's never been brought up in my biannual reviews what I'm not doing right. All I get is 'keep up the good work, your doing great'.

Not looking forward to the conversation about my roll in the company and how that is going to change. And right before I go on vacation. It kinda feels like "fuck you, k see you when I get back".

But hey new better paying job that's an actual non retail position! Receptionist to a law office.

Ok going to bed before I burst into tears over this.

[tan1shere]

Away With You

Billie Eilish x female reader !

A/n: so i decided to write the dream I had cuz it was honestly beautiful, and the cutest thing ever so I hope you all enjoy !!

Summary: you go on a vacation with your girlfriend and it's the nicest time you've probably ever had with one another.

Warnings: mentions of nudity- but nothing sexual. All fluff and softness !

Masterlist

Work was always a hassle, so the fact you had time to even go on this trip was amazing. You and Billie had decided last minute to go on a spontaneous trip, it was thrilling to say fuck everything else and spend pure quality time with one another. Once you arrive at the massive hotel, you desperately wanted to go in the spa. Your muscles ached terribly from the past week. It was truly stressful for the both of you, and Billie couldn't wait to relax herself. She never got to do so when she traveled so she definitely wanted to savor this moment.

You begin to unpack just a little getting out a bathing suit. "This trip is truly something we both need." You nod. "I second that." She comes over to you placing her hands on your waist, looking into your eyes, slowly darting over your face features. "Youre stunning, how'd I even get you." You smile at her, shoving her arm. Both smiling tremendously. "Hush you, if anything I should be wondering how I got you." She then laughs. "How'd we get eachother." This causes you to laugh.

"I dunnoo." She dramatically gasps. "Nooo, you goof. Ofcourse I know how." She just shakes her head. "You don't even remember. Admit it!" She playfully points at you. "It was a beautiful afternoon." You began, making her laugh. Chucking a pillow at you. You caught it, throwing it back.

It was evening, you were currently working like you did almost every day. You didn't mind your job as an interior designer. Hell it was heaps of fun. But what wasn't fun, was the people you met along the way. Some were incredibly difficult, testing your patience. You were meeting up with a new client today, you were just glad it was the last for the day. You pull up to the fairly new house and head to the door, knocking. When the door opens you're met with the prettiest eyes and features. Then your brain clicked on who it was.

Wow, she was more gorgeous in person. "You must be Y/n!" She smiles brightly, making yours increase. "That's me!" You talk for hours on end, not even at all about what you were meant to be doing, but Billie kept asking you fun questions. "I love how we've been talking about everything, except what I came for." You giggle as you sit on the only piece of furniture in her home. This makes her laugh too. "Hey, you interest me." You smile at the compliment.

And thats where it all started, not as romantic as one may think but you thought it was. It was the best night of your life, and to now say you got to be with her in that house that you both designed. You were incredibly happy. You guys got one another on a different level.

"You coming down to the spa?" She nods. "Course, gotta relax with my baby after that long plane ride." She gets up going to change also.

You both make your way onto the pool floor, heading straight for the spa. Billie following close behind you, getting in just as you were. A soft content sigh leaves your lips, feeling the warmth hit your joints. Your eyes shut, soaking up the feeling of it. Billies arms extend out on the edges behind her, watching you for a moment. Your blissed out face, made her smile. She was glad to see you finally relaxing. This was her idea after all. She knew you'd been having a really difficult time with work, everything was just too much right now.

You drop your bags on the floor, puffing out a breath as you just frustratedly sigh. Billie comes into view, knowing you had a bad day. "What happened today?" You were about to ramble and rant.

"What didn't, happen today." You huff. "Everything you can think of. New client, current client. Old client. Never. Fucking. Happy. I listen to what they want but no I still get it wrong to these stuck up snobby bitches." You sigh again, tiredly. "I love my job I do. But its not fun when people ruin it you know?" She nods sympathetically. "I know baby, im sorry." She says, bringing you in for a hug. You sink into her touch resting your head in her neck, smelling her scent. She pulls back getting you to look at her. "Why don't we take a break, you definitely could use it and I'm clearly going with you." You smile at her. "That sounds lovely, where to." - "Anywhere mama, you pick."

"This is so nice." You then look at her, both holding a loving gaze. "It's amazing. Tomorrow we should go out and see this place fully." She smiles. "Let's do it!" It made you happy to know she could relax now too. Instead of working all the time with no break, and even when she did travel she'd never have time to do all this. It was incredibly nice for her also.

It was starting to get dimmer outside, and you had both agreed on changing and getting some dinner. The food was amazing, this whole hotel was incredible. Massive, you could easily get lost in this place. After you get some food in your system your back up into the hotel room, deciding to put on a movie. Your legs are laying over her lap, her hands rubbing your feet as she progressively starts to massage them. Your eyes were about to flutter close when she speaks. "Hey, wanna do something fun." Your eyes flick to hers, a smile on your face. "What we doin."

You were all in for it, even if you didn't know what it was. "It's midnight so I doubt anyone will see, why don't we skinny dip in the spa." You laugh a little. "You're crazy! Let's do it." You finish, making her laugh. Getting up off the bed. "We only live once baby!" "Preachhh." You both stay in your clothes until you were down there. You headed for the most secret one so it's not too insane. You both quickly strip getting into the warm water again. "We're gunna be prunes." You laugh, causing her own fit of laughter. The water felt great against your bodies, mixing with the cool air of the night.

Taking in everything of this surreal moment. Everything was still, everything was quiet, you couldn't be more happy. To be here with the love of your life, to feel so purely elated. You look at her, so deeply inlove. "Thank you." She looks at you now. "For what?" You smile gently. "For everything, every single thing." A soft smile is spread across her lips. "Thank you for being mine." You smile more. "I wouldn't change it for the world."

You stayed out there for a little bit longer, going to snuggle up to her. Feeling yourself close to drifting off. "Why don't we call it a night." You then hear her say. "Sounds great."

[zer0brainc3lls]

rant about how dumb it is that this scene was cut.

i will forever be so mad they didn't put this in. I'm currently reading death cure but I'm assuming his su1c1de attempt will be mentioned since so many people refer to it as canon. so this whole rant is going off what i think is canon but please correct me if I'm wrong.

ok for starters, the scene isn't even that long. your telling me they couldn't add in a 2-3 minute scene that reveals a massive part of a characters character development + his relationship with an extremely important character in the story??

in this scene its mentioned that Minho saved him and carried him all the way back to the glade and kept the whole thing to himself, if someone literally saves you from a su1c1de attempt and keeps it to themself your going to end up trusting them. its also mentioned that he was new to the maze at the time so i wouldn't be surprised if he and Minho weren't even that close at the time, and this couldve been the start of there close bond.

also this scene is important for newt and Thomas's character development in my opinion as well because its implied that newt hadn't told anyone about his su1c1de attempt but he chose to tell Thomas to tell him why Minho means so much to him and why he exploded in his face the scene prior. it makes his anger outburst make so much more sense. because if i was him i would be mad as fuck to. (I'm getting off track) opening up about something like that WILLING clearly shows a fuckton of trust. he's trusting Thomas to see his point and also keep it to himself, thats a lot of trust for someone you haven't even known that long.

also this scene shows the mental struggles of not just newt but past boys in the glade, it dives into how the shock and confusion of not knowing who you are in the blink of an eye, losing everything about yourself and being thrown into a community of people you most likely don't even trust at first, and how it would effect newt and possibly other boys in the glade.

this scene says so much in such a small amount of time and it truely wouldve been a great addition to the death cure.

thanks for coming to my ted talk 😎

[shrublee]

SPOILERS IF U HAVEN'T WATCHED THE LATEST TUBBO STREAM AS OF TODAY (Feb 21, 24) JUST SO U KNOW !!!!!! I will summarize these massive paragraphs in the points at the very end in a sort of timeline order that I can think of for this so gonna start off this rant talking about how the timeline makes absolutely no sense at all

So there was some sort of ancient thing from "long long ago" or something and they went to get the remains of it because for whatever reason that was gonna help to bring q!Tubbo back

also Creation was built by Tubbo to protect the eggs(? or atleast thats what its doing rn) (mainly Sunny I assume but could've originally started building it for Chayanne and Tallulah) after it was built it was given instructions I guess on what to do in case of certain situations such as him being gone in any way etc etc

but if Tubbo erased his memory (we'll come back to how that doesn't make sense as of now, later) of building Creation, then he must have already been given Sunny by the federation in order for him to have been able to put her as rank 1 on the list (because of course, he erased his memory of Creation, so he couldn't have gone back and changed it later)

Creation had been originally built "long long ago" (during the time of said ancient thing from earlier, some sort of order or something? we don't really know (double parentheses, crazy I know, but keep in mind that order could also potentially mean like "given an order" as in something it was told to do previously)) so was Creation originally built for something else? and then his purpose was changed to protect the eggs after that? Well then that implies Tubbo knew Creation existed during his time on Quesadilla island up until sometime after he got Sunny (I've seen some people talk about time travel theories about what I just said but im not gonna get into that cuz its a whole lot, im just saying what we know and adding a tiny bit of theories into it)

He joined an Operation at some point also? Im assuming during the long ago ancient era or whatever but like bro these are too many words to remember

So "the old order" and "the operation" are most likely 2 separate things as Creation doesn't typically use multiple names for one thing

So he made Creation before he joined the operation as a "last effort to hold on" and he did all that "very very long ago before the island looked like what it [does] today"

last effort to hold on makes me think like, as in someones dying? like Creation is his last chance if he comes close to death (which based on what we've seen makes complete sense)

----------------------------------------------------------

anyways enough of confusing timeline stuff for now, time to get into whats going on with Tubbo specifically

Personally I though he might've been a robot, and I still believe that to be true despite information we've been given I feel its sort of a really badly kept secret on Creations part, it keeps sort of slipping up in its wording, forgetting saying things like "he will be shut off for good" is not the typical word use for humans(?) (things that are alive ig)

Because bro like you cant just drop "he was never alive to begin with" (he said talking to Phil) and like...... do anything else with that???? If something was never alive, it was never alive, like I dunno what else Tubbo could be without never have been alive?? It could've been an exaggeration or meant to be more like "he was never alive since the day you met him" instead of never alive at all

besides that, getting back to the "he erased his memory about specifically Creation existing" point not making sense, that is also why I think hes a robot still, cause how else would bro be able to just grab a specific memory from his brain and delete it??????

PLUS THE NEEDED DATA TO BRING HIM BACK HOW, WHO, WHERE, WHAT, WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD YOU NEED DATA TO REVIVE SOMEONE WHO WASN'T A ROBOT??

even if hes not a robot bros got some like computer chip in his brain or something like........

also just gonna add in that on the original Creation stream (Niki's stream) he says something along the lines of protecting all the eggs except the one that isn't actually an egg or something Just wanna say that I think this is referring to Tubbo because yeah, he was always jokingly treated as an egg with cookies and everything and then towards the end he only had 2 lives just like them and Creation never protected him cause (A) he wasn't actually an egg and (B) Tubbo can't know he exists, so even if he wanted to protect him he couldn't either that or it was code flippa but whateverrrr :P

anyways thats the end of that for now until my brain goes crazy again

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Tubbo made Creation before he joined "The Operation" (don't know what Creation was originally built for)

he did all that "very very long ago before the island looked like what it [does] today"

At some point he was frozen in the ice prison after this (we don't know for sure if he still has his memories of before this at this point, but most likely does for this to make sense (unless time travel maybe but we don't talk about that))

After meeting everyone and getting close with the eggs (specifically Chayanne and Tallulah) he starts changing the purpose of Creation to protect the eggs

Not long after this hes given Sunny by the Fed

He then completes Creations new purpose by putting in the ranking system (he would've had to have met Sunny before this or it doesn't make sense)

Then he deletes his memories (somehow lmao) of Creation

Creation is most likely shut down and hidden away somewhere, set to only activate if needed (dunno what these reasons he would've given Creation would be but one of them was definitely if he went missing/died or something)

[br0-k3n-sch00lb01]

Aaaaaah what a time to exist

my brain is so empty when it comes to making posts that people actually care about

i wanna change my maintag to something other than charlie rants.. but i’ve been using it for too long to do that…

i guess its cus most of my posts arent rants they are just nonsense that i am spouting to anyone who particularly pays attention to them (aka nobody,,) what even are these posts anymore

im gonna spout about life instead of other things!! Because… i suppose i should talk about my life more.. since i never do

and thats kinda what blogs are for, hm?

I… went to get froyo with my friend… it was fun but it was like 25 bucks for two people…

he has a crush on me, and i… dont know how i feel about him at all.

im not sure really what my sexuality is anymore… i feel like sometimes i’m massively gay because oh my god men… but then other times i think of ever being in a relationship and it grosses me out… so then i think maybe i’m aro…

i finished watching Madoka Magica Rebellion today!!

it was good… though they skipped over parts in the manga that i really liked… its okay though

it was worth 4 dollars to rent…

it’s almost my birthday…

i wonder if people got me what i asked for.?

hopefully somebody got me the Madoka cosplay i wanted…

i don’t think i’ll be able to afford it myself haha

my grandma has me in therapy right now. I don’t really feel like it’s helping me at all…

but she says i have to do it and she won’t let me go out of it until she thinks i’m ready. i don’t think i’m ever getting out of therapy, if that’s the case.

i don’t really like my family situation. I know compared to others, i have life pretty good. But sometimes i feel like all they care about is keeping me alive so that they dont get accused of bad parenting. Or forcing me to get good grades so that the teachers don’t have to talk to them about how awful i am at everything.

not because they care about my future or anything. because they DON’T care about my future. No matter how much they say they do. You can just sort of tell.

i got my Len Kagamine cosplay a little while ago… my grandma said it was an Amazon pick… but it’s not really as good as the one i picked out…

I’ve been thinking about @n3hmof1sh and @ffelix143 a lot lately!!

i talk about Nehmo and Felix constantly to anybody who listens..

or even if they don’t really listen…

my friends haven’t been responding to my texts. I think they’re ignoring me.

i think maybe i’m being too much of a burden on them… annoying them all the time…

i’m sure some of my friends on here understand what i mean… i don’t really do much outside of tumblr, to be honest

i sort of wish there was no real world, and i could live here in tumblr with the people that actually care… people that i would do anything to spend time with off of a screen..

i’ve gotten so attached to my stupid screens that i really don’t know what else to do without them. I’ve lost any sense of worth in real activities.

i think that’s a bad thing.

but that’s okay.

[hereforthefunnyguys]

Can you tell me what your favorite rare pair is as well as a few head canons for them? I'm starving for rare pair content of any kind.

On it boss

I did Irateshipping Fragileshipping and a pinch of Klepto/Boardshipping :>

Irateshipping (because its me):

-In a domestic situation they are that one couple that can never agree on what to have for a meal. Joey loves meat, Marik hates meat. Joey hates super spicy stuff, Marik likes it (the masochistic Yami Marik instinct pulled through lmao). Joey loves fatty foods like red meat and heavy cream, Marik can't stomach them due to being raised with a Delicate Constitution (tm). You could not pay Joey to eat most vegetables and Marik will literally just eat raw spinach out of the bag like some kind of gazelle creature. They literally can't even agree over how to make eggs. Horrible couple to ever visit for dinner btw

-That said I don't think Marik could survive in a domestic situation for very long because he'd go Insane. Like those exotic macaws people keep in cages meant for like parakeets that start biting fingers off. Even with the power of Twue Wuv marik simply couldn't survive without a massive amount of stimulation which either means A) hes going to be starting another gang or B) he is going to be bothering joey 24/7

-They have a pitbull named Brutus :)

-Joey is constantly undergoing the Walter White "Noooo I refuse to take your Pity Money ill pay back all my debts on my own like a Real Man!" and marik is just paying everyone off behind the scenes to keep joey from getting kicked out of their apartment

-Marik cannot be casual about Joey in any situation he will rant about him for the rest of existence and all time to anyone who will listen or someone he has forced to listen and whether thats a good or bad rant depends on the state of their relationship at the time

Fragileshipping:

-Most sickly sweet couple you have ever met in all of your life in private. In public? You would be lucky to even know they're dating. They hold hands and thats like It

-Yugi kept on setting them up on dates meetings when Atem was still in the puzzle and it didn't work so great because Atem has negative rizz and sits on the couch like hes fucking paralyzed. Luckily Ryou can be easily entertained if you are willing to listen to him infodump about some shoestring-budget horror film thats been banned in Bolivia for grossly indecent content.

-Ryou is Atems beautiful darling boyfriend who is the light of his life and Atem is Ryou's pet little card game nerd

-Atem has an insane obligation to make sure Ryou is taken care of whenever anything bad happens to him ever because in the back of his mind hes always worried about him turning into modern-day TKB

Kleptoshipping/Boundshipping:

-Fundamentally the basis of this relationship should technically be Yugi engaging in his baser "I could fix him" instinct but also he does kind of think YB/TKB is really funny as just his usual evil bastard self. hes permanently trying not to go Wow he's kind of hot when he's evil while Bakura frantically details doomsday plan #23 to the gang

-Bakura looking at Yugi: this thing is so stupid and obsessed with friendship and its friends with the Pharoah (ew!) and its sickeningly adorable and yeah im in love with it now. fuck

-Everyone in the world must die EXCEPT for my darling boyfriend :)

-They can mutually devour a hamburger in a matter of seconds. Absolute meat destroyers (NOT double entendre (they have put multiple shops out of business via resource consumption esp because TKB will often dine and ditch especially at chains))

-Bakura is eternally frustrated because Yugi keeps on ruining his plans for world domination but hes so cute while doing it :(

-Yugi has the same fundamental beliefs as TKB but is a lot quieter about it which both makes TKB really mad and on the other hand it is very very satisfying to hear someone say "no no i get where you're coming from" after 3000 years of eternal torment

-They are Thee scary cool goth couple

-Bakura owns snakes and they like to nest in Yugi's hair because he generates Warmth. They are currently competing with their owner for who gets maximum yugi time and unfortunately bakura is kind of losing

[meowzilla93]

Hello! I saw your rant post and I wanted to ask if we could get the context behind it? It seems kinda out of nowhere and I saw the tag list on tumblr and didn't saw anything negative towards any character. I also just want to know to avoid this person, I really don't want to interact with toxic people ://

Thank you for your answer

hello anon!

i hope you are doing well ᓚᘏᗢ

first and foremost, i won't be naming any names here. yes, my post was vague, and that was the point of it. because the truth of the matter is that no matter the fandom, this sort of behaviour is evident in all of them and i was calling it all out. identifying the people directly can cause more harm than good, and it is not my intention to victimize anyone.

it just so happened that recent events regarding a specific community pissed me off to no end this time round, and it was a long time coming.

in a way i am glad that you have not seen anything yourself from specific tags and the community, but the reality is that people who choose to target a set group or a set character and don't want blowback from it wont tag their posts to make them easily accessible. however, if you interact with enough blogs, basically the '6 degrees of separation' rule comes into affect, where blogs that interact with that fandom start to link to each other and you unfortunately will end up with a blog that doesnt align with your taste or morals on your feed and you get an unhealthy dose of toxicity from it

this happens on all forms of social media; where i have been seeing this kind of activity is more so on twitter, but it has happened here on tumblr too.

i do want to stress that when i do see this kind of toxicity i do block/mute them from my feed so i dont have to see it, but it doesnt stop it from existing. and then seeing how it affects the people around me because unfortunately its not so easy for them to get away from it, it just hurts me deeply

if you know my blog well enough, you know i am a massive fan of OLBA currently, and thats typically what i post, amongst other fandom stuff that interests me, however its typically OLBA.

the OL series is all about acceptance and understanding and openness with one another. discrimination, bullying, anything like that doesnt exist in the story and shouldnt exist in the fandom either.

its unfortunate to see that regardless of the type of community it should be, that negativity and toxicity exists regardless. as some one as part of the LGBTQIA+ community, i have unfortunately seen comments that are against what the community stands for. i have seen commentary that is essentially bullying of one account or a collective for the sort of content they produce. hyprocritical comments, calling out someone for their content but going ahead and making that content themselves.

if you have not seen this sort of activity, im grateful for it. truly, its not nice to see this kind of stuff, and if you do, blocking and muting it is the best option to avoid them and keep to the healthier side of the fandom

please note, this blog will always be an open blog, other than calling out this poor behaviour, the entire purpose of this blog is to be positive!

to share fics and and art and headcannons and thoughts about all characters in the fandom i am a part of, because i am trying to share the love i have for the series with others and have great discussions around them

i know this was a vague answer anon, but i hope you understand the reasoning behind why and wish you all the best

your friendly neighborhood kaiju,

ᓚᘏᗢ

[mysteriousmaninthesmoke]

Start - Previous - Next - Latest

HELLO!!

I'm back with more PROJECT CHIMERA. I also decided to uses this little space as a short rant before getting into the story. It just doesn't feel right just going in with the title and making a long looking post. So theses rants will be above the the title keep reading section.

Also, I got an ask about if you can do fanart. I'm totally cool with that but I suggest you wait till I give you some actual descriptions which will come later. Thats right you will be seeing more of Thorn and O'hare (and maybe some other test subjects).

I also decided to do separate paragraphs so it's easier to read. Yeah sorry about the first one I was excited and wanted to get that out as soon as I could.

Before I begin if you like this story may I ask you to reblog so more people may have the chance to see it. You don't have to if you don't want to but I would really appreciate it. Now onto

PROJECT CHIMERA Part 2

As the metal doors opened General Samuel let out a gasp in fear. The scientist walked forward onto the catwalk. "Say hello to the true Project CHIMERA!" He said with a massive grin on his face that went ear to ear. Infront of Sam was a massive reinforced glass vat with filled with green bubbling. But that was not what Sam was afraid of floating in that liquid.

The creature had a dragonic face that sported razor-sharp teeth and bull-like horns. Around its neck was a mane of blood-red fur, and its shoulder and chest were like hard armadillo shells. On its back was a turtle-like shell with spikes covering it. Its arms and legs were covered in scales, and its hands and feet had razor-sharp claws. It even had three tails that ran from its rear, each ending with sharp stingers. It must have been at least 200 feet tall.

The general was in shock. "This was not part of the project." he said staring at the beast in front of him. "Hm, what was dear general?" the scientist said. Sam picked the scientist up off the ground by the lab coat "WHO THE HELL DID YOU TURN INTO CREATURE THANATOS!" He yelled. "This project shouldn't go this far. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!"

The scientist's only response was a laugh. "Oh, dear general I'm not Dr. Thánatos." Sam was in shock again that he dropped the man. "What" "Oh, more questions dear general guess I'll answer your second question later." The scientist walked to the catwalk rails, admiring his work.

"My name is Vector Tallyon, but Tallyon is just fine. You could call me a disciple of Dr. Thánatos. He is such a brilliant man that he can't just let his knowledge be contained to one person. As for why he isn't here, he unfortunately can do only so many projects at a time. So when he heard about the project from his sources he decided I was a perfect fit. I pride myself on my work on how body way adapts and how a species evolves."

Tallyon turned to face the general "Now you do not need to worry. This is not one of the soldiers the government gave me. When I saw this project I was a bit disappointed. Only changing one soldier into one creature. That seems so wasteful when there are so many wonderful traits that they could have, but they only get a few. And why give this project the name of CHIMERA. A chimera is a creature with a lion's head, a goat's body, and a serpent's tail, a fusion of beasts" Sam growled "I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR TWISTED THINKING! WHO IS IN THAT VAT OF LIQUID!"

Tallyon just chuckled. "Oh them. Their no one" "WHAT!' Sam yelled. "You see I was told to evolve your soldiers. But I was not doing that. I was adapting them, changing them. An evolution is the next generation. SO THAT IS WHAT I CREATED!" Tallyon spread his arm out into the air, with the creature floating behind him in its vat.

Sam was in shock once more "You mean to say-" "THAT'S RIGHT DEAR GENERAL! It's child's play for me to bring new life into this world with science, and it is very simple to alter its DNA and hormones before it is born. It is only 12 months old and look how powerful it is."

Sam couldn't handle it anymore. "That is enough! I am shutting this project down. You have deviated from what the government has tasked you to do and have broken multiple laws. You are finished." He turned around to leave when something landed on the catwalk in front of him.

"Let me tell you something General Samuel of the United States army. You will not be shutting anything down." In front of him stood an orange and white bipedal tiger with black stripes on its shoulders, head, legs, and upper body. It also had one black claw coming out of each of its wrists. "

"Ah, I think it's about time I answer your second question in general." Tallyon said from behind the general "This is Doctor Tony Harris. He was once a field surgeon for the army before he was dismissed for his suspected unnatural medical practices on an enemy soldier. After he did surgery on that soldier, they showed strength which they used to escape that was beyond what they were capable of doing before. No one could prove a thing so he was just let go."

Tallyon moved past the general and to the side of Harris. "Me and him hit off so well that I decided to make him my right-hand man." Sam was having enough of all these surprises. He pulled out his gun and pointed it at Tallyon. "I suggest you call off your beast before I fill you with lead Tallyon."

Tallyon only smirked. "Oh, I wouldn't do that dear general. Not unless you want people finding out about March 27." Sam had to take a step back "What?" Tallyon continued "March 27 a camp Starig. That was quite a day for you General. When you were just a private. Now toss the gun aside or you won't be the only one who knows what happened that day."

Sam was shaking. No one should know about that. He hid it so well. NO ONE SHOULD F*CKING KNOW! He quickly tossed the gun aside. "Fine. I won't do a thing. I'll give a report that everything is going as planned." Tallyon kept up his smirk "Good boy. You were smart enough to know what I wanted."

Tallyon began to walk away before turning around. "Oh, I never did tell you what happened to Private Gorgonzola and Private Tompson. Well, Dr. Thánatos got in contact with me a few days ago. He told me someone was poking around in some business of his that he want me to take care of. Private Tompson failed in his mission, though I believe Private Gorgonzola will not. The funny thing is our person of interest should be meeting the one who started this all. Dr. Thedore Hans Erian."

Miles away Dr. Thedore was finishing up some paperwork when he heard a knock at his door. "Just a minute." He got up from his desk and opened his door. Then suddenly he was punched straight in the face by a man wearing a black trench coat and a fedora hat.

This is the end of part 2. I finally got to the part where @ayviedoesthings doctor gets punched. That's not all I want to do with him but that will have to do for now. If you liked this I would appreciate it if you reblogged so more people will be able to see. I will see you when part 3 comes out.

Oh before that some patient-doctor confidentially is about to be broken. If any of you want to send me an ask or message with your character name and what creature they want to become you might be mentioned.

[narwhalandchill]

guys im sorry i swear ill start talking more abt all the positive aspects of 2.0 soon but. welp

(firefly rant TWO!!! now with otto apocalypse. okay not even abt her lol its just ranting about misrepresentations of otto and The Memes being made. iykyk. but anyway. spoilers and all 🫡🫡)

so first of all i dont go there anymore so the lore details might be fumbled a bit but also like the actual fucking disrespect to otto and WHY kallens death had such a massive fucking impact on him when u act like the situation there is anywhere NEAR comparable to the TB and firefly situation in 2.0 �� "oh its just a meme" well its a BAD one im sorry

like YES otto has or at least had some degree of romantic feelings towards kallen but that was FAR from all she represented to him??? like the entire point is that in ottos eyes over time as he grew more and more cynical ruthless and jaded kallen slowly became less of just. a human being. and started turning into the actual and ONLY personification of all good that is even worth fighting for anymore when it comes to humanity itself.

kallen to otto was the literal representative of hope and humanitys goodness. and yes that degree of idolatry is fundamentally dehumanizing towards her too and disregards her personhood but thats WHY its so fucking interesting. kallen was just a human being doing her best to fight for the people and do good yet ottos perception of her grew into one stained by obsession and defined thru blind worship because NO ONE ELSE but her could convince him there was jack shit to the world worth fighting for

THATS where his obsession comes from. THATS why otto went to the ends of the earth and beyond to resurrect her all the while knowing shed feel nothing but utter horror at witnessing how far he fell just for her. bc kallen has NEVER seen herself the way otto did. kallen wouldve NEVER wanted ANYONE to go through the lengths that otto did (KNOWINGLY in violation of her wishes) for her. because she knew better. but thats not how otto was.

in ottos eyes humanity became fundamentally irredeemable when kallen was first vilifed and sentenced to death and then died sacrificing herself for the very same people who were going to execute her anyway. humanity proved itself worthless by failing kallen. THATS his breaking point thats driving his actions the entire time after kallens death and why hes willing to commit all and any sins imaginable to save kallen. because in his mind for a very long time kallen hasnt been just a woman he loved as a friend and as an unrequited crush whose death crushed him just bc omg death grief sad uwu. otto ALREADY had a completely warped perception of the world when kallen was still alive but through her death it all just escalated and turned him into the actually insane madman maniac we know him as. and because humanity already proved itself a failure by betraying kallen as the actual messiah-figure she grew into in his head there was no price too high to force the rest of the world to pay on his way to saving kallen.

so.

is that what fucking firefly represents to TB to these ppl????? the irreversible shattering of the worldview of someone already teetering at the edge of a point of no return??? is "omg crush died sad 😢" how fucking shallow do ppl think ottos core motivation is??? holy shit

ok anyway i swear ill calm down now HSJSJSJSKSKSKDK but like DUDE theres a Reason i actually bawled when that mf died in hi3rd and thats BECAUSE he was so fucking good as a fucked up antagonist BECAUSE he was never omg entitled incel (btw. do ppl like. know kallen rejected his offer of political marriage to save her life when she was already due to execution and that he. completely respected it? like. he let her reject him even when it meant certain death for kallen. i s2g ive seen terminally online kallen f/f shippers on twt act like hes some cishet stalker and i.....😭 like hate on him sure he deserves it but dont smear his name????!??) or anything bland or creepy like that. his worship of kallen and who he built her up to be in the pedestal of his mind is so messed up and toxic and tragic (bc he Actually loved her so much?? beyond platonic or romantic? but in all the wrong obsessive ways??? like its so messy) and genuinely interesting in a way u dont see that often in fiction and im actually mad to see his motivations reduced to waa waa honkai beast stabbed kallen.

like EVEN if you enjoyed and were emotionally invested in firefly and TBs arc. (which is perfectly fair im happy for yall!!!! dont let my hater antics get to u!!!) but do NOT be out there acting they had anything like what ottos fucked up complex around kallen is and was at any point of his life please and thank you. this blonde freak of a man didnt LITERALLY defy the laws of the universe just bc kallen dying made him cRaZY 🤪 it was FAR worse than that. HE was far worse than that. i rest my case

[hyunjining]

Hello, I dont usually speak on much but as someone whos also been here for an absurdly long time I too understand how you feel haha and just wanted to give a friendly metaphorical pat on the back because it really does fuck me up too sometimes. I guess ive been wanting to talk to Someone about any part of larry for a long time but for me I guess I dont feel much most of the time because im just waiting :/ I really do believe at some point we will get answers and see whether louis and harry do get to be publicly together (or broken up) but either way its knowing that at some point I will be proven Right that keeps me mainly unbothered by the crap we see day to day. Not to say that I dont get the initial "what the actual fuck are his team doing/ who decided this/ why is this happening for the 100th time" when a new stunt or absurdity comes along - this probably applies to the documentary aswell like I know ill groan and feel terrible for half a minute if Babygate is included but I guess I managed to at some point not let it get to me as like a personal problem? I guess and not feel emotionally attached, and I hope that you too could not have it plague you so much, I wish you the best haha and hope that at some point you would be able to continue to enjoy larry even during absurd times.

Sorry if this is like a rant you dont have to post this I guess I just felt bad seeing your post and would throw in some tiny speck of hope haha but yeah its funny cause I dont think ive ever really doubted the idea that I know they were together - obviously we dont know whether its the same now but since I havent really been proven otherwise whos to say im wrong if I were to believe they managed to have a beautiful long term relationship up until now lol but yeah thats all I got for now since I dont want to make it any longer but yeah im sorry you feel that way and I hope you manage to feel even the slightest bit better about this whole ridiculous circus we all managed to be drafted into hahaha

hey, thanks for your message 💕

i’ve definitely learned to detach myself from a lot of things over the years but idk lately it feels like something has changed and i don’t fully understand it? and i’m ok with acknowledging that there are things i’ll never know and that it’s not my life. i’ve always preached that on here. but some of the more recent stunt stuff/public image decisions really don’t make any sense to me in terms of pleasing fans or marketing to a wider audience or protecting their closets. like it all just seems completely nonsensical and unnecessary and it’s not fun to sit by and watch. i’m not gonna act like i’m being forced to be here, that’s totally on me. but idk i’m just sad that this is where we are now.

there is absolutely nothing in this world that could ever convince me that h&l aren’t gay or that they’ve never been together or that louis is a dad but i hate watching their images rapidly devolve for a reason i can’t begin to fathom. i’ve always been able to be dramatic for a minute and then laugh and move on but the feeling of dread has been more and more frequent and i feel like i’m doing myself a disservice by continuing to act like stuff isn’t affecting me. i don’t really know what to do right now, because i’m not happy but i love h&l so much and they’ve been a huge part of my life for so many years and i don’t know how to let that go. i feel like the doc is going to be a decider for me, but then again i have a louis concert in june lmao so who knows man.

anyway that was massively dramatic fkfjfk but thank you for the metaphorical pat on the back and for giving me a reason to vent some more lol

[anewbrainjughead]

I’m Scotland anon! We’re flying into Inverness and driving to visit my sister who’s living outside Aberdeen. It would be cool to know a couple good places to go, but also any tips to not embarrass myself as a tourist?? Ty!

Hi! I'm going to be honest, i haven't spent a ton of time up the north end of the country, at least not for a good few years, so i'm afraid i don't have a ton of insight on what places to go around aberdeen, especially if you're looking for nightlife and the like. I know that inverness has a castle and a really cool bookshop called Leakey's and thats about it. I've been to aberdeen exactly 3 times and all i remember about it was that the sea had foam so thick and yellow that it looked like old mattresses and that the seagulls there are massive hulking mutants who run that city through intimidation and stolen chips

I'm not sure whether you're planning on spending most of your time in the city or if you want to see more of the country, but there's some lovely countryside around the north/northeast. Stonehaven is a really nice picturesque seaside town about half an hour from aberdeen. There's a castle/ruins you can take a tour of, and tbh there's few things more scottish than eating ice cream and chips on a beach on a cold day, assuming you're going to be visiting sometime between now and like april lol. If you have the time it's worth checking out some of the islands. Skye is beautiful and one of the closer islands to aberdeen. I think there's a pretty regular ferry from there to the mainland and its less than an hour journey.

(i'm about to go on a food rant sorry) Scotland definitely isn't renowned for its food, but if you are looking to eat 'traditional' scottish food then the best thing to get is fish/seafood. You can get some really good, really fresh stuff in seafood shacks by the beach, but also just in restaurants in any coastal town/city, though i'd make sure to look at locals reviews on google so you don't get ripped off. Scotland is overall pretty good for vegan/vegetarian food too, and we have a lot of really solid indian restaurants and takeaways, which i'd def recommend. Honestly scotland's best culinary offerings are probably curry, ice cream, and whiskey. Also if you find a sweet shop (or more likely a newsagents selling old fashioned sweets) you should try soor plooms, these bright green boiled sweets (or hard candies if you're american).

I really don't think you need to be worrying about embarrassing yourself, i promise you that as long as you have basic human courtesy and aren't super condescending about scottish accents/culture nobody will be bothered by you. I will say that aberdonian accents, and accents around that part of the country are really fucking weird and not very similiar to any of the accents you'd likely have heard on tv, which tend to lean more towards a stereotypical highlands or glaswegian accent, so if you're alarmed by how people talk you aren't going crazy, they just do talk like that. I doubt this will come up, but scottish ppl might get pissy if you mispronounce certain things. Like scottish gaelic is pronounced gah-lick not gay-lick, edinburgh is pronounced edin-bruh, and glasgow is pronounced glaz-go. Also never refer to scotland as being a part of or the same as england, and generally don't refer to scottish people as british. Not everyone will be offended by being considered british, but it's generally a sore spot for people, and the english thing is just plain wrong. Also if you're american and have scottish ancestry its perfectly fine to be excited about being in scotland but if you're too enthusiastic about it people will give you the side eye and think you're obnoxious tbh

sorry i couldn't be more of a help, i actually would have advice about travelling around the middle/south of the country but i'm not sure whether you're planning on travelling down that far and i've already rambled on way too much. If you are thinking of travelling further down the country, especially around edinburgh or glasgow i would be happy to give more salient advice on where to go and what to do. I hope this helped in some way at least :) I really hope you have a good trip nonetheless

[bedovibess]

MWAHAHA ASK AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE...GOOD LORD IT MIGHT BE A BIT SO IT'S UNDER A READ MORE !!

Fae!! Silly small bosmer!!

I'm still horribly broken from Enderal, so some of her background/ story is a bit based off it.

Basic stuff:

Fae ?? (No last name, just Fae.)

Female, She/They, doesn't care for pronouns to be honest.

She is a pansexual and a small Bosmer. Fae is not one with the Green Pact as she technically isn't truly Bosmer, yet still gets called a friend from Bosmer people as they don't know her story truly.

Okay okay- backstory time,,

Originally, she was basically made, ish? She was made from either a scientist grieving someone and making her, or something else she claims. Truly, she was a test, a tool to be used in the future.

She was awoken a bit too late, as the crisis where she was made was already happening in such a short time. Before she could say anything or look around, she was forced back into her coma, which has been thousands, maybe more years. (I originally HC that if she'll ever be a follower, someone needs this from a cave, then you find a hidden broken civilization, and find her in a sort of casket which you wake her up.) She will wake up after some sort of change in the world, which is from Alduin and other crises in Skyrim happening.

She wakes up and is very curious, not knowing anything happening. She would see the dead people of her civilization, the one she was supposed to know as 'family.' the corpses were like stone, frozen in place and time. She didn't know much of what was happening, and she found her way out by following the frozen running away corpses. She finds herself in a part of the Skyrim forests.

She wouldn't see much, except when she looks up, she sees some sort of black dragon. (Alduin ofc-) Her, being curious wouldn't know what to do, except walk around in the wild. She would be out in the forest for a while, no needs or anything. (I WILL 100% MAKE THE ELF MAN IN THIS SO THIS CAN BE NON CANON OR NOT BAGAHG-): She would eventually run into Taliesin, seeing his horrible state. She would be confused as ever, as she only learned to figure out animal signs and no human interaction for so long. She can only heal or help him whenever she sees any injury, seeing an injury is when she remembers she had to do this back then, way before then. It does feel like a small migraine when she tries to remember past memories, her past life.

She heals the elf, and would be curious about everything he's saying, only tilting her head. She probably gets him quite annoyed - after maybe a while of questions and answers and leading Fae somewhere in civilization, they would barely understand, but enough to try and piece things together. Her civilization was automatically forgotten.

She wonders with the elf, figuring out Skyrim and everything, unknowing of her past and her godhood she had to defeat the coming crisis of her civilization. Maybe if some sort of trouble happens to her new friend, who knows what she can do?

She has gotten special armor, shield, and a battleax and ax when she was awoken, before she was awoken during the crisis, which she barely remembers that time.

She only does natural human things, such as food and sleep as finding out it's normal, and Taliesin needs it also.

I don't know if she'll ever be a true dragonborn, as I don't know how to fit it in her story..

But that's basically it!! Small extra headcanons because of that massive rant..

She has a odd favorite food, which she mostly eats nirnroot or carrots. She likes the orange color of carrots, and the odd ringing of nirnroot..it's like a comforting heartbeat.

She can be aloof, and can accidentally be a bit stupid, but that's understandable. She does get quite a lot smarter and bolder when she understands the topic.

Fae has a odd love for riddles, and is excited even if she doesn't understand.

Fae doesn't understand the civil war or any wars, and if you try and explain to her? That'll take forever.

BOOM THATS IT- If you want more information on anything, tell me!!

Anyone wanna ask about fae? Then do so!! I wanna talk about them grahhhh-

[serumandsteel]

the way we heal | jj maybank

- pairings: jj maybank x reader

- summary: people deal with trauma in different ways but it seems that jj thinks you don't care about the loss of your friends and deep down himself but he just needs to understand that people heal in their own time and through their own meanings, he just needed to be reassured of it. kinda pre season 2 ep 1 give ot take

- warning(s): really motherfucking angsty and swearing. mention of substance abuse

- wc: 2.2k :))))

a/n: all my fics the pogues and reader are the age 17/18 only because that's more comfortable for me to write. its been a long long time since i have wrote something so sorry for and spelling errors

People tend to deal with trauma differently. It could be resulting to crying you eyes out until you can’t breath and you can’t see through your tears clouding your eyes. Drinking until your liver wants to shut down and you whole body is so numb that yourself and everyone around you is so tuned out that you can’t function. Resulting to drugs to either feel something or not to feel anything at all. Or to have something to blame your actions on from yourself acting out simply because you don’t know how to handle the situation of a friend dying.

See you on the other hand dealt with it internally or the whim and feeling of not accepting death. Maybe it was your subconscious talking wanting you not to accept or maybe it was the gut feeling that you always got telling you that they were actually alive and have survived that storm that ‘supposedly’ had swept them away because “no body was found”.

This ‘gut feeling’ had always been right in many life or death situations. Or even just you picking out an outfit that you were unsure of whether it was going to get the boys attention that you had a crush on. It did indeed get his attention that night because that’s how you ended up loosing your virginity that night but that’s besides the point.

The best way you could describe it was like when people would do personality tests and it would ask “are you controlled by your heart or what you feel” probably not those exact words but you get the point. I felt with my feelings if my gut said yes then it was a yes.

Since the night that John B and Sarah had ‘died’ your gut had been telling you the opposite. That they were in fact not dead. As Big John use to say when you were a kid, you can never kill a Routledge. At the time it seemed like bullshit but now it was starting to grow on you.

However now your two friends were presumed dead and not everyone dealt with trauma like you did. Some would even go as far to say that you didn’t actually give a fuck that your friends were dead because you hadn’t cried or you hadn’t drunk yourself into a state of no return or resulted to smoking weed every single day and spray painted ‘murder’ on Ward Cameron’s estate. But at least Kiara wasn’t lying.

But the thing was you hadn’t cried because you couldn’t, you quite literally hated crying because it made you feel weak. Even if you tried and you tried your hardest but nothing came. At this point you could go as far as denial. This gut feeling was like getting hit by a semi truck every time a thought came into your head questioning maybe they were dead. Maybe they did get swept away at sea and never to return.

Your gut feeling was simply not letting you mourn the loss of John B and Sarah and now everyone thought you were an emotionless bitch. I mean they were right to a point but not the whole point.

So that brought you to current day driving around the Cut and night playing fucking real life Where’s Wally but its Where’s JJ Maybank because he’s blacked out drunk somewhere and now you’re on a rescue mission. Not like you had done enough of those in the last few weeks.

About an hour ago your phone rang and it was JJ asking you to come pick him up since somehow he had now idea where he had ended up and was too far gone to put together his surroundings. Well that’s what you had assumed he said since you had to decipher his slurred words.

At this point you had driven around the whole island and gone to every hid out spot that he would go smoke at or to just get away from everyday life. You had gone to all but one place. Where you avoiding that particular house because it held so many memories, plus the fact you hadn’t been near the place since shit hit rock bottom. Yes? But it was the highest chance that JJ was sitting on that dock with his legs swinging over it with a beer in hand.

Well you were right. As you walked down the old dock to where JJ was sitting it was if you could feel all the emotions, thoughts and disbelief crawling their way up your skin from the ground you were walking on. But that gut feeling was like a wave of fire, burning it all the way back to the ground.

“I don’t know why I just didn’t look here first. I should have known aye” you half heartedly said trying to keep the conversation light since you didn’t know what state JJ was going to be in. From the huff you got in response told you he wasn’t in the mood to talk.

“How much have you had J?” You asked with concern but still trying to keep you voice light and less reprimanding because you knew he was in a too fragile state for you to be angry.

“Does it even matter how much Iv had. I don’t feel shit anymore” he replied back with his words straight forward and sobered.

“Well have you even given yourself a break for your body to sober up for you to even feel the effects of it? Or have you still been going since yesterday when I saw you? J its not going to do shit if you don’t give it a rest for at least a day or so” you said back trying you best to keep you and your voice as calm as possible. You fucking hated seeing JJ like this, you would never say it to his face but fuck it just reminded you of his dad when he got into states like this. Until the last week you had never seen JJ this bad. But could you blame him.

“You just don’t get it do you” JJ was now facing you and by the tone of his voice you had unintentionally struck a nerve that you were actively avoiding. “Why did you even fucking come if you’re just going to tell me how I should cope. Do you even care that JB has gone? He was our best fucking friend. He was my fucking brother my only family! And he’s fucking gone just like his old man. You haven’t even shed a tear y/n. You’re just acting like nothing had happened. Do you even care!” JJ was now on his feet breathing heavily and his jaw so clenched you’re surprised his teeth haven’t broken

“J, please do not yell at me right now” you asked with your voice shaking trying to hold back something that was bubbling at the surface. Was it anger or was it the water works that desperately needed to be let out.

JJ started to walk back up the dock, showing that he was done with this conversation that he could have avoided if he didn’t ask you in the first place to come pick him up. Deep down he knew that you would be the only one to come and get him, he just wasn’t as good at showing his gratefulness due to the alcohol that was numbing him.

“JJ just wait please, please don’t walk away” You stood back up and starting walking after him quick on the backs of his feet. He halted his tracks and turned around to look at you with a pained look in his face, as you got up close you could see his eyes stained red. Either from crying or the linger of weed still in his system.

“What could you possibly want to say y/n. I really thought you would be the last person not to care about this” JJ was now right up in your face and his voice was holding back trying his best not to yell. But that last sentence had taken you back.

“You think I don’t care JJ!” now you starting yelling “of course I give a shit JJ our friends are gone, they are not fucking here. I know it might not seem that I don’t care. But just because I’m not crying my eyes out every hour or drinking myself into a state where I don’t now where the fuck I am or getting high that I spray paint on any wall I see” your breath was now battling to come to the surface because you were talking so fast.

“Just because Im not doing any of those things doesn’t mean I don’t care JJ! People deal with this shit differently and you need to understand that” you breathed out trying to grasp for air again “the thing is JJ I have this annoying gut feeling thats telling me that John B and Sarah are not dead, and its literally preventing me to mourn them. I have convinced myself that they are alive and I can’t fucking mourn non dead people J. I don’t know how to fucking explain it”

“Well why didn’t you just tell us that” he replied after bit letting your whole rant sink into his brain, weaving its way through the alcohol that was clouding it.

“Because JJ! Even saying that out loud I sound fucking crazy, like I’m in a deep pit of denial. The thing is I’m far from denial. Yes I know there is a massive fucking fat chance that they are dead and have been food for the sharks” you exclaimed

“Don’t make it worse y/n” JJ shook his head not very happy with your choice of words

“Okay yeah sorry bad wording. Im sorry” you lowered your head in sorrow wanting to slap yourself in the face for trying to make jokes out of trauma.

“So its not that I don’t care J, trust me I do care. But John B and Sarah are not physically here with us and I cant physically care for them right now. But when we see them can do that”

“Y/n -“ JJ tried to get a word in but you hadn’t finished

“Don’t JJ. We will see them again” you put an emphasis on ‘will’ “I trust my gut and even you know that when I get a gut feeling that it’s always been right. Correct?”

“Yes but -“ he tried to get another word in but you needed him to listen.

“JJ I care about you. I care about Kiara and Pope. You guys are physically here for me to care for. The thing is I haven’t spoken to Kie since she’s with Pope half the time and I have spoken to Pope since he’s with Kid half the time and you? I can’t speak to you because your too far gone in beers to for me to even get a coherent conversation in” This was such an over due conversation to be had, you were now on the verge of hyperventilating. You needed JJ to hear this. Fully sober would have been better but half sober is the best you’re gonna get.

“JJ I understand if that’s how you’re going to deal with all of this but you can’t throw yourself completely away. We need you. I need you JJ. I can’t have you going off the deep end and then we loose you too. You need to be here for when we get John B back. He will need you for when he’s back”. The water works that you had been holding back had finally been released and trust it to be in front of JJ. He was your fucking rock, you couldn’t loose him. No way that would be your last day on earth if that were to happen.

“I-. Im sorry. I’m just so fucking lost y/n. I don’t know what the fuck to do. You’re always at work and Kie and Pope are god knows where. I just want this to go away so fucking bad. All this pain, I feel like I have no one” JJ was now crying to and gripping your waist as is you could float away into the air

“I know JJ, but you have us you have always had us. But you have to be so stubborn sometimes that you won’t let us in and help, you won’t let me in a help you” you had JJ’s face in your hands making him look at you so he knew you meant every single word. “I’m so sorry if you didn’t think I cared and I wasn’t there to help you, I just deal with this shit in a different way. Just like every single other person. We all heal differently and that’s okay. It dosent mean we care less. It doesn’t mean I care less”

Now there you and JJ stand on the dock leading off the chateau both in each others embrace purging the pain that’s both been locked up inside you for so long. The past you and JJ had people really didn’t tend to understand but neither did you. But you would always find your way back to each other at the end of the day. Despite the fights you had in the past and the days you would be at each others throats screaming at each other to the days you would be secretly stealing a glance at him because you just couldn’t help yourself.

You would always be there to help him take the pain away and he was always be there to do the same for you.

[celestialrry]

nerves

4.8k

HELLLLO IM WRITING THIS INTRO AND POSTING THIS WHILE FALLING ASLEEP SO ILL POST ALL THE DETAILS ADN ADD THIS TO MU MASTERLIST LATER I LOVE TOU ALL THANK YOU FOR FOLOWING AND REBLOGGIN KISSES FOT YOU ALL (this is like right after release of hs1 harry I think hope you enjoy mwah)

summary: Actress!Y/N goes onto a talk show, and the host has a surprise for her.

warnings: cursing, kinda sorta an anxiety attack?

Y/N was nervous.

This would only be the 5th talk show she’s ever gone on alone after being in the spotlight for a few years when her acting career took off. She started off with indie films and soon made her way to the red carpet, working with esteemed actors and actress’s she could only ever dream of meeting. It was pure bliss.

Of course, fame came with other struggles like hate from the media and random people on twitter, but at the end of the day she was so grateful she had the opportunity to be in the business. She loved getting into a character, finding out what makes them click, and fully emerging herself in whatever film she’s in. At the moment, she was promoting her new film, and being the lead, she had gone on a few talk show’s by herself, but they never failed to make her sick to her stomach. Having no one to turn to when it gets awkward, even not having body heat by her side in front of a live audience and a professional host made her body rack with goosebumps.

“Miss L/N?” 

Her head turned towards the door of the dressing room she had been sitting in for 15 minutes alone, trying to get her nerves down. “Yes?’ She responded flashing a forced smile to the assistant standing in the door way. “They’re ready for you.” She nodded her head and stood up, brushing the non-existent dust off her long dress and tumbled a bit on her heels to follow the assistant that was already walking towards the side stage. 

They instructed her to wait until her name was called, then walk onto stage and take a seat and have the show progress. So Y/N stood there, biting her bottom lip that was coated with clear gloss and her arms crossed around her waist, her heel covered toe tapping the floor in anticipation. 

“Now welcome our very special, and gorgeous guest, Y/N L/N!” She heard Jimmy Kimmel announce and took a short breath before stepping through the automatically opening curtains. She smiled and waved at the people sitting in the audience, happy to see people supporting her, and greeted Jimmy before taking a seat on the loveseat closest to his desk.

“Y/N! Welcome, how are you feeling tonight?” He flashed a comforting smile at her. 

She chuckled a bit due to her inability to not laugh in uncomfortable situations. “I’ll be honest with you Jimmy,” She said, adjusting herself in the seat. “M’ pretty nervous.”

“Nervous?” He asked. “Now, why would 2 time Emmy Nominee Miss Y/N L/N be nervous?” Jimmy teased.

Her eyes fell to the floor and her cheeks heated up before looking back at him. “Because,” She dragged out. “It’s always nerve-racking being on live TV.”

He just nodded and made a joke about feeling the same even though he does this every week.

“How are you feeling tonight?” She asked.

He smiled before resting his arms on his desk. “I’m feeling good, I have a surprise for you later, but I’m supposed to ask the questions now, will you let me?”

“Of course I will.” She smiled back.

Y/N met Jimmy the first year she really became “famous” and he had always been her favorite late-night talk show host just because he was never invasive or creepy. Her standards for hosts were quite low at this point. They continued on, promoting her new movie and such before he settled back in his seat. 

“So.” He said.

“So.” She said back, raising a brow.

“I hate to ask you this, but I honestly am curious myself,” He began, and her anxiety creeped up just a bit. “Now, we dug through your old interviews, and it seems in every single one, when asked if you had a celebrity crush, your answer was Harry Styles?”

She simply nodded, her cheeks heating up again, and a small smile creeping onto her face at his name. 

“I see that smile, Y/N.” Jimmy said, and she let out a laugh, her smile now wide.

“So, do you mind telling us why you like him so much, or should I say love him so much?” His brow raised.

Y/N laughed a bit more, just at her nerves, and took a breath. “Um, he’s always been such an inspiration for me to actually chase my career, I mean I knew him from when he was on X-Factor to be honest. Binged that show all the time when I was in middle school and to see a boy just 2 years older than me just go straight into being in one of the biggest boy-bands in the world was insane. He’s just so passionate about what he does and I admire him for that. Uh- from what I can tell he’s just very charming, sweet, funny, caring, and…” She trailed off her rant, biting her bottom lip just a tad.

“And?”

“He’s incredibly attractive.” She finished a smile on her face as she glanced at the floor again.

“Understandable. I think he’s a good looking man myself, met him a few times and got flustered,” Jimmy jokes before looking at Y/N. “What if I told you he was the surprise I had for you?”

Her brows furrow as she looks at the man sitting across from her. “What? Do you mean like a video-” She feels a tap on her shoulder. 

Y/N turns around, still massively confused, and then she sees him.

Harry standing in a simple black suit and white button up, only a few of the buttons actually buttoned and her jaw drops. “Hello.” He says, smiling at her.

Her eyes are wide and she looks like a dear in headlights before her face falls into her hands, elbows resting on her knees, her breath erratic. “No, this isn’t- no. He’s not here.” She says into her hands and the crowd laughs. Everyone laughs. 

“M’a bit offended you think I’m not really here, love.” Harry grins, and she pulls her face out of her shaking hands to see him.

She opens her mouth to say something and nothing comes out. 

Harry Styles, her celebrity crush since the ripe age of 14, a crush thats lasted 8 years being 22 now, and she’s only seen him on screens her entire life. “Fuck.” Was all she can say. He laughs a bit at her starstruck appearance and turns to Jimmy. “She’s not normally like this, right?”

“Right.” The host jokes, looking back at the girl on the couch, and his smile diminishes a bit. Her eyes are watering and she’s trying to keep her composure but her bottom lip is trembling and Jimmy’s now worried he’s about to have a sobbing woman on live TV.

“You okay Y/N?” Jimmy asks and her head quickly turns to him and then back to Harry. “I-fuck, I’m sorry.” She tries to laugh it off. Tries not to think about how the man she’s loved even before she knew what love truly was, was standing in front of her right now. 

“Don’t be sorry.” Harry says, slightly frowning but trying to keep a happy face. He’s standing in front of a girl he’s adored ever since he watched her first movie, for Christs sake, and she’s silently about to break down in front of him, because of him. 

Before he can even properly introduce himself, she’s standing on her heels, wobbling a bit, and looking up at him. “Can I hug you?” She mouths, not wanting her question to be picked up on the mic on the back of her dress and before her mouth even closes he’s stepping towards her, big arms wrapping around her waist. Her arms find their way around his chest and her head is resting on his shoulder and her eyes are squeezed shut and she’s mouthing “Oh my fucking god. Oh my god.” Without realizing she’s facing the audience who laugh at her inability to not fangirl. His head dips as he hugs her, reveling in her touch, and then she’s pulling away, remembering they’re on live TV and she can give him a proper hug backstage after this is over when they don’t have to worry about appearances. 

She’s still reeling when his hands slide off her waist and he sticks his hand out and says “It’s so nice to meet you.” She takes his calloused hand in hers and says “Same to you.” Blinking away unshed tears.

“Shall we sit then?” He asks and she looks at Jimmy admiring the moment before back at Harry. “You’re staying?” She blurts out before shutting her mouth abruptly. 

“If you want me too.” He grins that grin she’s always been infatuated by and she nods, maybe too quickly. “Of course I do- yes,” She coughs. “Yeah, uh, please, let’s.”

They both plant themselves on the loveseat, Y/N taking the spot in which she was before and Harry sitting on the other end, keeping a distance between the two. She recomposes herself and sits up. Harry looks at her for a moment before looking back at Jimmy. 

“How are y’Jimmy?” He asks.

“I’m doing well, proud of myself for inviting you, you’re the one person I’ve seen make Y/N go absolutely speechless here,” Jimmy jokes and Y/N groans and smiles, leaning her top half on the arm of the chair, her face in her hands before sitting back up. “How about you, Harry?”

“M’doing well, was very excited to see Y/N here and I’d hopefully say it’s the same for her.” He smiles looking at her, dimples flashing.

“Yeah!” Her voice squeaks. “You’re right. It’s the same for me. I-” She cut’s herself off from saying she’s shitting her pants at the moment. Figuratively, of course, but it’s not very appropriate. She still can’t believe this. Twitter is going to have a field day talking about how flustered Y/N was at this moment.  

“Have something you want to say, Y/N? To Harry, more specifically?” Jimmy asks.

“Um,” She begins, locking eyes with Harry. “Did you hear, what I said, um, before you walked out here?” 

The green eyed man nods. 

Her hands start shaking again and she awkwardly laughs. “I’m sorry you heard that.” She apologizes. 

“Why are you apologizing?” Harry asks her, tilting his head and Y/N was going to pass out. “I’m glad you think all those things about me, plus, it’s a nice ego booster to hear that you think I’m ‘incredibly attractive’.” He chuckles a bit, but truthfully he was happy his celebrity crush feels the same way about him.

She just laughs back and mumbles a “Thanks.” Before Jimmy starts up a conversation about whatever was going on at the moment.

Jimmy and Harry start talking about something and Y/N nods her head and laughs when it’s appropriate but she couldn’t process anything. Her hands were interlocked, shaking in her lap, and all she could feel was Harry. Harry sitting next to her, Harry breathing next to her, Harry waving his hands around while he spoke in front of her. It was all too much. 

Suddenly his knee lightly knocked against her own. She abruptly turned to look at him, but he was still looking at Jimmy. So she assumed it was a mistake, until it happened again, and this time when her eyes looked to him, his met her’s and he gently and subtly moved closer to their thighs were touching. Y/N let the leg that was crossed over her other relax and fall to the couch, only her ankles crossed, and she swore she could hear his breath stop for a moment, but it was too quiet to be sure.

A few moments after they both had gained the courage to barely revel in each others touch, Jimmy was ending the show. Y/N doesn’t remember what she said or did before the camera cut off, she vaguely remembers waving to the audience but she’s not completely sure. 

And then it’s over- just like that.

“This was so fun Jimmy, thank you for inviting me on.” Harry said, standing up (reluctantly) and going to give Jimmy a hug. Y/N on the other hand was watching the interaction and it all hit her like a wave again. Harry fucking Styles was standing in front of her. The men both turn to her as she stands up and she gives a weak smile and mumbles “I forgot I needed to text my assistant, m’sorry I’ll be back.” before speed walking behind the curtain and booking it to her dressing room. She quickly flips the “Do Not Disturb” side of the sign on the door to show and closes the door behind her, her breathing accelerating. 

She barely makes it to the couch before bursting out in tears.

Y/N couldn’t really put a finger on whether or not they were tears of joy, sadness, embarrassment, or a combination of all 3. She’s pretty sure it’s the latter though. She slips her heels off and lies on the couch, her hands over her face with not so silent cries as she tries to calm herself. 

Meanwhile, both Harry and Jimmy sensed that Y/N wasn’t just going to text her assistant. “Do you think- do you think I said something maybe?” Harry quietly asks the late night host as they walk behind the curtain and into a quieter hallway backstage. Jimmy simply shakes his head before locking eyes with Harry. “Have you seen any of the videos where she talks about you, Harry?”

He shakes his head no and the older man pulls out his phone, doing a quick scroll of his email before finding video file and opening it. “A couple of interns here made this combination of all the times she talked about you in her interviews.”We were gonna play it as you were coming out but her manager said it would be too embarrassing.” Was the only preface Jimmy gave before clicking play.

Y/N stood in an elegant emerald colored gown just off the red carpet, all done up for her first big movie premiere. An interviewer stands in front of her, holding a mic that the woman was moving between herself and Y/N. “So Miss L/N, we need some juicy secrets from the “It-Girl” herself. Who’s your celebrity crush?” Y/N looks at the floor, a shy smile on her face as the quietly says “Harry Styles.” The interviewer’s eyes widen and she chuckles a bit. “I feel you honey, what do you like most about him?” Y/N purses her lips slightly before speaking again. “Um, everything? I think he has a really good heart.” The interviewer makes a joke about how she likes his eyes instead and Y/N laughs, but anyone could tell it was forced. 

The screen begins to play another clip. 

Y/N is sitting on a couch with her co-stars of a movie she did a year ago, dressed in a classy blush colored suit, and they’re all playing a game with some other talk show host. “Let’s see who knows Y/N the best now, shall we?” The host asks, and looks down at the cards in his hand. “Who is her celebrity crush?” And almost immediately all of her friends were jotting down their answers on a white board. “That was fast,” The host laughs, as does everyone else. “Okay everyone, flip it around.” ‘Harry Styles’ was written on every single board. “Oh my god.” She smiles wide out of embarrassment and puts her face in her hands. 

It reminds Harry of what she did when she first saw him.

“Y/N! Looks like you’re absolutely smitten with Harry Styles, aren’t you?” The host asks, and before she could even open her mouth, a co-star of hers was already speaking. “She’d play his songs in her trailer in the morning, full volume, and sing them as loud as she could. It was a good way to wake us all up.” He jokes, and everyone laughs at that. “Whenever he’d post a photo on instagram, or tweet something, I’d see tears in her eyes.” Another co-star speaks up. The audience laughs again and she looks to them. ‘I’m serious! Y/N absolutely adores him.” By this time Y/N’s face was out of her hands and she was sinking into the couch. “Are you embarrassed, Y/N/?” The host jokes “Of course not, well I didn’t want to get absolutely exposed, but I’m not embarrassed to be a fan, could never be embarrassed to be a fan of him, he’s… he’s amazing.”

The phone then fades into yet another clip.

This time, Y/N is sitting in a stool, doing the Wired Autocomplete Interview, and she tears off the second paper of the question, “Is Y/N L/N…” . “Is Y/N L/N,” she reads and the paper catches after the word “dating” is revealed. She looks up at the screen, a twinkle in her eyes as she shoots a close-mouthed smile at the camera. She turns back to the board and rips the paper off, struggling a bit and laughing, until it’s revealed. “Is Y/n L/N dating… Harry Styles”  She bursts out laughing, her free hand clutching her stomach.

Harry frowns a but at this, and he didn’t feel like thinking more about why.

 “Um,” She begins, “Sorry, I just- do I really talk about him, that much? S’a bit concerning.” She mumbles to herself. “Yeah, no, I’m not dating Harry Styles, he would never. Though, I like how people think it could be a possibility, thats quite funny. I’ll take the… hidden compliment, is that even the right phrase?”

The screen goes to another clip but Jimmy pauses it there and turns off his phone, turning to Harry. “You didn’t do anything Harry, it’s just you being here, she’s probably overwhelmed and-“

“Mr. Kimmel? Jones needs you.” Someone calls out to him down the hall and Jimmy slips his phone in this pocket and sighs. “Sorry, gotta handle this, thank you, for coming.”

“It’s okay,” Harry assures him, “Thanks for having me.” And at that Jimmy rushes down the hall in search of Jones, and Harry stands in the same spot

Harry knows how much he means to his fans, he’s seen them sob at concerts, break down at meet and greets, and when they tell him how much they love him when they run into him on the street. He knows this. But this felt different, for some reason. Maybe it was the burning feeling in his chest when she laughed off how he would never be with her, for what particular reason he has no clue (or just doesn’t want to address it), or how he couldn’t help but pop a dimple when he heard she loves his music. He wasn’t sure.

What he was sure of though, is that he needed to speak to her again, hug her for longer, actually get to know Y/N. So he walked into the main back room, walking down different halls until he came across the one that read “Dressing Room #4” and Y/N’s name scribbled in messy handwriting on the white board underneath. He knocked a little rhythm, and waited.

Y/N was still crying, to put it lightly. Maybe hyperventilating was the right word, because she was breathing quite fast, and there was a steady stream of tears flowing down her cheeks. She heard the knocks and attempted to calm herself down a bit, yelling out a “One second!” Before wiping under her eyes and walking to open the door. “Eliana,” She began, ready to wave her assistant way (not that she didn’t adore her, but Y/N needed to be alone before talking about everything), “Can you come back in like 15 minutes, I’m sorry I just need to-”

Her mouth closed when she saw Harry outside of her door, his small smile quickly fading into a frown as he took in her state. “Y/N I wanted to- are you okay?” He asked, stepping a bit closer, trying not to push any boundaries. When she didn’t respond and he saw her bottom lip quiver a bit, his chest clenched. “Can I come in? Can we talk?” He gently asked, eyes running over her puffy eyes, tear stained cheeks, and disheveled appearance. 

She nodded and he walked in, and she gently shut the door behind him. He turned around to look at her and when his eyes met her’s, she couldn’t take it anymore. She let out a gut-wrenching sob and her face fell in her hands as she shook her head. “I-I’m so sorry, I’m sorry.” She choked out and he stepped towards her, his hand coming to rest on her elbow. “Y/N, please, don’t apologize.” And without thinking he took the last step towards her and wrapped his arms around her, holding her firmly, one of his hands cradling the back of her head. Her hands fell from her face and she held him back, arms wrapping tightly around his torso yet again.

As she cried into his chest, he mumbled a soft, “Breathe for me, love.”, and she tried to get her breathing to match his own deep breathes. “I’m sorry,” Y/N says for the millionth time. “I told you to stop apologizing, Y/N, you haven’t done anything wrong.” He frowns to himself, that burning feeling in his chest again. She reluctantly pulls away, and his hands remain on her arms as her own come up to wipe the tears flowing out of her eyes. 

“You didn’t sign up to be here and have to deal with a crying fan, Harry.” Y/N sighs, finally looking up at him. 

“Hey, I came because I wanted to see you, I’ve seen your movies and I think everything you’re absolutely incredible at what you do, and when Jimmy called asking if I could come to surprise you I jumped at the chance to finally meet you. I know what I signed up for.” He says, his thumbs rubbing the skin of her arms gently.

At his words she let out another sob, her shaking hands coming up to cover her face for a moment yet again. Harry’s eyes widened, he was telling the honest truth, and he didn’t think he said anything wrong. Y/N however, was seeing in person, how king he truly was, and it was just another reality check that the Harry she’s loved for so long really is the same in real life; it was too much to handle. “Thank you,” She sniffles, looking up at him again, meeting his piercing green eyes. “I just, I’ve adored you for years, still do, and I never thought I’d meet you, even after I started getting ‘known’, I always thought you were like, too perfect to be real, and now you’re here and you’re real, and y’know when you meet a celebrity who seems so sweet in interviews and all that but they turn out to be an absolute prick? It’s not like that, you’re the same person I’ve loved over a screen, I- you’ve been my inspiration for fucking years and I don’t know. It’s just a lot.” 

Now her hands were on his arms and they stood there for a moment, just looking at each other.

“M’not perfect, Y/N.” Harry says softly. Y/n chuckles a bit, glancing to the side before meeting his eyes yet again. “I know, I know the ‘nobody’s perfect’ crap, but if you’re insistent on it, then I think you’re the closest thing there is to perfect, Harry.”

His cheeks turn pink at her confession, and a small smile weaves its way onto his face. “Thank you,” He finally says, before bringing her into another hug, this time her arms wrapped around his neck, and he bends down a bit to hold her tighter. “For everything you said, seriously, you’ve got no idea how much it means t’me.” He admits, still reveling in her touch. She slowly pulls away, noting in her head that he never seems to be the one to let go first. “Of course, wouldn’t say it if it wasn’t true.” She smiles weakly, still drained from all the emotions flowing through her. He just smiles at that, before his hand drags down her arm and he hold her hand, wordlessly pulling her over to sit on the couch. 

He doesn’t let go of her hand as they sit quite close facing each other. “Do y’wanna hear a secret? It might make you feel better.” He suggests, cursing himself for being willing to do anything to see her smile fully. “I wish I could lie and say that it’s something I wouldn’t know, but I think I know a bit too much about you.” She says, letting out a small laugh, and he does too. “I promise you don’t know this.” He mumbles.

“Okay, go for it.” She says, holding his hand a bit tighter. 

“Well, after you bolted here, Jimmy showed me a few of your interviews, and I wanted to tell you that you’re my celebrity crush too.”

Her jaw drops and her eyes widen, a face that looks eerily similar to when she saw him for the first time just an hour prior. “You saw my interviews?” She gasps, her voice cracking at the embarrassment of him seeing her shamelessly confessing her love for him about a million times. It was safe to say she didn’t hear the rest of his confession.

“That’s what you’re focusing on here?” Harry laughs and raises a brow at Y/N.

“What else is there to focus on,” She groans, taking her hand out of his and burying her face into her hands yet again. “I can’t believe Jimmy showed you that, I’m never coming on this show again.” 

Harry grins, a dimple popping as he gently wraps his arms around her wrists, pulling her hands off her face. “Did y’hear what I said after that?” He asks softly, his eyes bring into her own. She shakes her head “no” in response and he takes a quick breath before telling her yet again. 

“I said, you’re my celebrity crush too. I’ve watched everything you’ve been in and I think y’are absolutely amazing, and I would be lying if I said I didn’t think you’re beautiful, inside and out.”

Y/N’s jaw drops for the thousandth time that night. 

 “You’re fucking with me.” She deadpans, her face blank and mind swimming with emotions.

He frowns and squeezes her hands. “M’not, swear to you.”

She shakes her head in denial. There’s no way she was Harry Style’s celebrity crush. Not in a million years would she ever think those words would be spoken, much less even thought of.

“You don’t believe me?” Harry asks, his head tilting a bit to the side.

“I believe tha you’re just too nice and you feel bad for me, so that’s why you’re telling me this.” Y/N admits to him, a sad smile on her face.

“Really?” He asks, letting go of her hands and bringing one of his own to his pocket. 

“Really. I appreciate it, I do, but you don’t have to try and make me feel less humiliated, I think we’ve already passed the point of no return.” Y/N says, laughing a bit.

“Mmm, okay,” He smirks. “Well that just won’t do. May I have your number?” 

She raises a brow as he pushes his phone into her hands, already pulled up on a new contact. She types in her number and “#1 fan” in the name and hand the phone back to him. Harry laughs when he sees the contact name and saves it to his phone, then putting it back in his pocket. 

“What was that?” 

“What was what?” Harry muses, a teasing glint in his eye.

She purses her lips. “Why did you just ask for my number?”

“So I can contact you of course,” Harry smiles. “How else am I supposed to set up another date with you?”

“Another?” Y/N questions, her lips turning up.

“’m a gentleman of course, would never ask you out on a first date over the phone,” Harry calmly explains. “So would you do me the honor of accompanying me to dinner tomorrow night?”

Y/n hesitates, unsure if this was still an ask out of pity. “You can meet me at my house, of course if you’re comfortable, and I’ll order us takeout to eat on my porch.” He continues, getting more exciting as he imagines how the date would go. 

“What makes you think I’d say yes?” She teases and his mouth gapes. 

“Oh fuck off.”

[heyitsyn]

MANAGER!SEIJOH AU

a/n: this is kind of an au like what if you were

for more seijoh content, check this masterlist out!

anon:

- 🥺👉🏻👈🏻 i would like to request a seijoh!manager reader who’s a first year and is siblings with ushi and the team’s reaction to finding out that she was supposed to go to shiratorizawa with ushi and their reaction with her getting along with the shiratorizawa volleyball team and maybe the manager is a small cute soft little energetic ball of sunshine 🥺🥺 also hewwo, hope youre doing well! ☺️ -🎷🐛

- Ir seijoh manager series is so gooood. Can we get something where by some weird reason yn-chan is close to ushijima and tendou and the seijoh boys dont know about it and how they'd react to her being so affectionate w them ahahwindkdn

EVERYONE SHUT UP AND LOOK AT HOW FREAKING PRETTY TENDOU IS LIKE AKLFDJLASKFJDLSKFJDSFLKD

okayokayokay

so this is a what if thing

like what if ushijima was your older brother

SLKFDJADFLIJSDKLDF I CAN ALREADY IMAGINE OIKAWA SCREAMING

you didnt exactly have the best relationship with your mom

you remember when you were younger that she used to yell at your brother for using his left hand and you got angry a lot because you were fiercely protective of your brother

this caused her to yell at you too for being nosy and being involved in something you shouldnt be in

duh we know that ushi’s dad takashi actually supported him for this and protected him too and you were also a papa’s girl so you always ran to him

he understood you both better and while your mother worked, he was at home taking care of you two

then when they mentioned wanting to separate, you were very sad but somewhat relieved

mostly because you hated hearing your parents arguing and you felt bad for your brother as he constantly did whatever to get you out of the house

thats what brought on your love for volleyball

you werent exactly the best player but you were interested in it and often watched matches with him

but you also liked volleyball because your brother liked it

you liked whatever your brother liked

he adored you too and he was a boy who didnt talk much due to your mother but he was always a talker with you

especially when you couldnt sleep, he would sneak you out of your room and you both would run to the kitchen and eat ice cream

even with just a 2 year age difference, he looked as if he was older than you due to his massive height

‘just wait nii-chan! i will drink enough milk to reach your height!’

*insert lenny face*

AKLDJFSLDKFJDF I HATE MYSELF

CAN I PLEASE DIE

however

when they divorced, you thought your father would take both you and ushi

like the lady at the court even asked you where you wanted to go and not a breath of hesitation you chose your father

you weren’t very concerned because you knew your brother was going to choose your dad as you both were closer to him

so imagine your surprise when he said he didnt care and naturally, the mother would get the child

lowkey you felt hella betrayed and when your dad whisked you away overseas, there was this grudge you held against toshi

yall youre like 5

i would be hella mad too if my brother chose the person who yells at him all the time

in california, your father made sure you still remembered your brother and you tried to detach from the japanese lifestyle to your new one but you just couldnt

maybe around 6 years you were already fed up with the hot california heat and you wanted to go back to japan to see toshi again

you got over that grudge years ago but your mother refused to have any contact or anything to do with your father and so that included you too

she refused to let you both video chat and any type of connection

your dad obviously noticed your sad expressions and your obvious longing to go back to your brother again and so he arranged something

you shut the door gently before taking off your shoes by the doorway

the large house was often quiet except for the constant typing of a keyboard in your father’s study

‘tadaima’

you meekly mumbled but his sense of hearing never wavered so he heard your voice

‘oh? y/n?’

his voice echoed through the hallways and you heard his chair squeak as it was moved back so he could stand

your sock-cladded feet padded against the hard wood floor and you walked towards his study where indeed he was standing there

your father has definitely aged yet his job as a coach made him as fit as he was decades ago

as much as it disgusted you, you could tell what your friends meant when they said your dad was good-looking

they actually said your dad was hot but you refuse to acknowledge that

you and your friends are like 12 tf

you closed the door and sat down on the loveseat at the corner of the room as it was your designated spot

‘hey, papa’

you greeted with a smile and he gave you the same grin

‘i ordered f/f (favorite food) for dinner tonight so try and listen for the bell to ring, okay?’

you nodded

there was bit of small talk and you asked about his team while he asked about school and you both arranged to hang out over the weekend at some ice cream shop

the conversation dragged on until you heard the doorbell and you ran to the door to answer the delivery man

your dad put out the plates on the table and you excitedly dug in

‘also, you remember your grandmother? and her terrible back?’

oh god of course you did

they lived about 30 minutes away from your house in japan and she constantly worried your father bc the woman was approaching 90 and was still picking peppers!

with old coach ukai

‘what did she do now?’

your father chuckled at the exasperation in your voice

‘she misses you. says something about the family’s princess needing to go back to her country or something’

there was a smile in your face

your grandmother was your favorite and she always said you were the princess

she hated your mother because of how insensitive she was so she only acknowledged you as the only other female in the family

obviously your brother was also liked but there was just a special bond between you and your grandmother

‘so when are we going back?’

you asked and it was clear that you were excited at the thought of going back to japan as you havent been back since you moved due to your father’s busy job and your school

takashi swallowed his food before revealing the news

‘actually, if you want, you could finish your schooling there. but only until college first though because your old man needs you over here too’

nah bro you didnt even care about the last part

literally your fork fell to the table and you shrieked 

‘WHAT?! SERIOUSLY?!’

and thus brought you back to japan

you stayed with your grandmother on your dad’s side and you quickly got accustomed back to japan life

OH

your BROTHER!

okay

so waka-chan def heard you coming back

your mother was grumbling about it the other day and he was sure he heard your name in there

‘sdkfjkdslfjdkslfj y/n dkfjlsdkfjldkf’

LMAO THATS ME TRYING TO SAY THAT WAKA COULDNT UNDERSTAND WHAT SHE SAID SINCE SHE WAS MUMBLING SHE WASNT KEYBOARD SMASHING LMAO

there was a mutual giddiness in there too and he was excited to see you again after many years without contact

however

there was a bit of fear in there that thought back to when you were younger and his choice of not really having a specific parent despite your pleads to stay together with him

but he was going to make sure your bond was still intact!

he would do anything in his power to do so!

when you arrived

your dad accompanied you back to japan and you both were walking out to the exit of the airport when you saw your grandmother excitedly waving a sign around

in bold sparkly letters, it said ‘USHIJIMA’

okay wait i love grandma usui 

you quickly ran over to her and she grasped you into her arms

‘nana’

you sobbed and she hugged you tightly

‘im so happy youre back home’

your father shook hands with the friend she brought to help drive you guys back home

old man ukai was basically the chauffeur but hes really good friends with your nana so it was okay

the entire ride you guys basically caught up with each other and you couldnt help but laugh whenever your dad would go on a rant about your grandma being too reckless and your nana defending herself

‘oh stop it, takashi. i was only given one life and if it’s over, it’s over. for now, ill live it how i see fit!’

your old family home was exactly as you remember it but you didnt expect the 6′2 boy in the living room

‘nii-chan’

you meekly whispered and he let out a soft smile before opening his big arms

you ran into them and he held you tightly

‘i missed you. so much’

he whispered and you nodded 

it was def such a nice thing to have your brother again

oooo your dad been knew that you would be sticking to waka like you did when you were itty bitty young

so when you practically begged waka to stay at your nana’s house the entire summer, he couldnt refuse you

duh your mom went to see you but you just quietly sat there and smiled at her

polite but distant

due to being around waka so much, you naturally went to his volleyball practices and their training camp

there

you met his friends and you guys quickly got acquainted especially with tendo bc he was just so fun

and he was your brother’s boyfriend best friend

the others were still kinda distant with you ahem ahem im looking at you shirabu

but they were mostly amazed at how powerful the genetics played in your appearances because wowza you were beautiful

lmao dont let waka hear them say that bc they would be benched all season in a single snap

during training camp, you usually sat at the sides or you would be their stand-in manager

goshiki absolutely LOVES you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GOSHIKI MY SON MY BABY

him and you were the same age so there was an easier way of being friends and your energies just matched so well

he would run up to you whenever he got a play right and you would ruffle his hair affectionately

LADKSJFLDSKFS FLASHBACK TO TENDO!SISTER X GOSHIKI

‘y/n-chan!’

‘y/n-chan!’

‘y/n-chan!’

hell even ushi was getting annoyed at goshiki’s constant need for you

tendo would steal you away and he would be giggling to you about how adorable you were and you just giggled along bc wow this beautiful man is really talking to me right now

ALKSDJFLKSF CAN YOU TELL IM ALSO A TENDOODOO SIMP?

‘cmere, y/n-chan. i taught toshi this the other day and he was very impressed and wanted me to do it again. okay so it goes in a rhyme, ya ready?’

you nodded along and he shot you a close-eyed smile before starting to draw on the dirt with a stick

‘there once was a man with-’

lets just say

you were definitely your brother’s sister

sometimes though

you would try and go towards the calmer players to get away from the rowdiness from baby daddy tendo and baby goshiki

you would find them at the gym just doing drills and at the sight of you, they would turn red but continue playing

they didnt really mind seeing you there bc youve always been such a positive energy and cheered them on which gave them strength

‘NICE ONE OHIRA-SAN!’

‘WAHHH SO COOL YAMAYAMA-SAN!’

you were like a cute ball of serotonin >o<

‘wah, of course its expected for you guys to be the top in the prefecture. youre like,,,,, silent but deadly~!’

duh a compliment from a girl?

dead

shirabu’s bangs would get in the way of his vision sometimes yall i will never stop making fun of that ridiculously adorable haircut so you would use a clip and tuck it away for him

this big babie is so awkward that he turns red when you whisper in his ear that you were done

semisemi baby and you got along bc you guys had a similar taste in music and because you lived in california, he was fascinated that you were in the music capital of america

‘did you see celebrities down the street?’

he asked you excitedly one day during lunch

you stopped then smiled softly

‘semisemi-kun, i didnt live at that part of california’

nah to him, america is just filled with celebrities

OH DEAR BABY BOY KAWANISHI

taichi is a generally quiet guy

like you thought he was actually selectively mute when you first met him

but you gradually got him to talk and you would help him whenever he would want to practice

usually it was during the ungodly hours of the morning

you woke up and went to grab a drink from the common room but you noticed his large build exiting the door so you followed him into the gym

‘kawanishi-san?’

you called out and felt guilty when he jumped 

‘oh, hey’

he aknowledged

‘wha-’

you stopped to yawn causing your eyes to close making you miss the brief second of softness that flashed in his eyes

‘what are you doing?’

you tiredly asked

taichi dusted off his trackpants after kneeling down to rummage through his bag and you couldnt help but gawk at his height

‘im training early’

he answered

‘why? is it because you want to keep up with the others?’

you mumbled and he was surprised for a second but reverted back to his stoic expression

‘i have to make sure i am able to reach my seniors level for next year’

taichi turned away to grab a stray ball and you moved to go to the storage room for the ball cart

‘oi, what are you doing? go back to bed’

he said from the other side of the gym but you just looked back at him with a tired grin

‘meh, i want to spend time with you, senpai’

you reasoned

he shook his head before walking over to you then ruffled your hair

‘no wonder youre so tiny. you dont sleep enough and let your body grow’

yep that was the closest youve gotten to taichi joking with you

usually, hes training and when hes in the zone, nothing else has his attention but the ball

maybe thats why the others ahem goshiki has said that he was very scary

his game face was practically a mean face

basically you spent the entire training camp with them and then soon, you were going back to school

duh everyone hmm maybe not shirabu bc he most definitely read the school book of rules thought you would be going to shiratorizawa with them 

but you broke the news to them one afternoon and imagine the tears from both tendo and goshiki

‘WHHYYYY!!!!’

‘NOOO!!!!!’

‘why can’t you?’

semi asked and you were about to answer when shirabu beat you to it

‘the school doesnt allow late transfers’

oh right

the american school system was set in a different schedule than a japanese school system

it was considered the summer for them yet school already started a few months ago

since shiratorizawa was a very academically and physically prestigious school, they refused anyone who would potentially be late or behind their curriculum

‘so where ya headed to then, chibi?’

tendou pouted and you leaned against his arm

‘hmm some school named aoba johsai? i dont know its near my grannie’s so that’s all that mattered’

oh dear

USHIJIMA NO Y/N WILL NOT ASK TOORU TO GO TO SHIRATORIZAWA

they consider seijoh a rival bc theyve played against them practically in every prefecture tournament and they were worried for that infamous setter

‘ne, y/n-chan, promise us that you won’t be swept away by them! especially a guy named oikawa tooru!’

uhhh

well

tendou’s warning was kinda ignored bc you ended up being seijoh’s manager

hehe

surprise?

but they weren’t really really shocked tho bc they knew you liked volleyball so you would naturally be in the volleyball team

even as a manager

meanwhile in seijohhh

OooOOOoOoOooooo sEiJOOhHHHH~~~~~~

okay so you were actually registered under your father’s last name usui rather than the ushijima last name

therefore you werent exactly immediately known as HEY! USHIJIMA’S SISTER!

you still became the manager the way you did as mentioned in part 1 

and you still are their adorable baby manager

you were aware of their oikawa’s hatred for wakawaka so you try not to talk about him even though youre literally the closest person to him

was it traitorous? 

maybe

but you actually even help them when they practice

duh the boys are like eyebrow raise emoji 

‘wow youre really into volleyball, huh, manager-chan?’

matsukawa commented and you just smiled

‘hmm, my family likes it so ive picked up a thing or two’

LMAO

little do they know your brother is literally the best volleyball player around and is a member of the under 19 team and your father is a volleyball coach in america and would someday be someone iwaizumi hajime (19) would apprentice under

there was a lot of times you thought you would slip up like your home screen was of you and waka but youve been careful to cover it up

BUT

you cant always be sneaky

it was during the first day of the tournament and you were filling up their water bottles I SWEAR WHY IS MANAGER-CHAN ALWAYS FILLING UP WATER BOTTLES when you found a familiar bunch of boys at the end of the hallway just chatting

you havent seen tendou and the boys in so long so you placed the bottles down and rushed over there so quickly

‘TOMUTOMU!’

you shouted and the oddly-haired boy turned and he gasped before grabbing you into a large hug

this grabbed tendou’s attention and he cheered then hugged you too

your giggles and happy cheers were so infectous and they just absolutely missed you so much 

these tall boys were at a advantage so someone scooped you up and you were just affectionately being talked to and hugged and LKDSJFSLDFJ SO LUCKY SO LOVED

meanwhile

the plant babies were wondering where the heck you went to 

‘y/n-chan?! where is she?!’

oikawa panicked quickly while iwaizumi hit him to shut up

‘be quiet! you won’t find her if you’re too busy freaking out!’

‘ill find her’

matsukawa volunteered and they nodded, feeling at ease of him being capable to find you if you were in trouble

but when he returned empty-handed and with large eyes, they knew something was up

they ran behind mattsun to stop and copy his shocked expression at the sight in front of them

is that

you?

with

shi

ra

to

ri

za

wa

oh my god

‘y/n-chan!’

oikawa shouted, being the first to speak

you jumped and your own eyes widened

‘oh. oh no’

you mumbled

the others were so stunned and seijoh itself was so hard to make speechless but they were just shocked

period

‘what is happening’

iwaizumi mumbled

yea the others were just shocked period

‘hey guys’

you waved and you motioned them closer

‘uhh,,, well,,, um they are my friends’

you smiled uneasily and they could see that

‘aaand?’

oikawa signalled you to say everything bc he knew it wasnt the whole story

you sighed

‘ushi,,, jima is my brother’

you mumbled the last part

but they heard you

‘HAH?!’

you cringed and the shira boys were about to move to protect you but they saw you glare at them

‘what? what about it? hes my brother? and?’

you babbled

‘but,, why are you,, in seijoh? dont get me wrong! its just,, youd naturally go to shiratorizawa right?’

mattsun waved his hands around and asked the question thats bugging the team

‘i came to the country late’

‘THE COUNTRY?!’

well,,

turns out you havent exactly told them everything about you yet :/

even when youve cleared the air and introduced waka as your brother, seijoh still didnt say anything

they were stuck in this shocked and surprised moment even at the end of the day and when you went straight to the shiratorizawa team,

they watched with wide eyes as you laughed with goshiki and was jumping around with tendou

‘AH! TOMU! MY HAIR!’

‘TORI-SAN! SATORI-SAN! TAKE THAT!’

wow you were actually really beautiful when youre happy

‘i dont think ive seen her this happy with this much energy’

makki said and they nodded

it was true

you were usually calm and collected and was the perfect balance to this chaotic team

so seeing you so free and loose with them was so refreshing, even if it was with damn ushiwaka

you finally went back to the seijoh boys and they all sent glares to the violet team before sending you a smile

‘you ready to go, manager-chan?’

watari ruffled your hair before handing you your bag to start walking to the bus

‘yea. lets go home’

as you all walked, oikawa was already starting his tantrum

‘y/n-chan~! why aren’t you that happy around us? are we not enough for you?’

oikawa whined and pouted

but you just turned to smiled at him and stopped walking to pat his head

‘im not their manager, therefore im not pressured to act like anyone except as a friend and a spectator. but i try to be as professional as i can with you guys to make sure you dont appear bad to others. and you guys are perfectly chaotic enough, adding me into the mix will just about kill coach’

oikawa didnt seem satisfied though

‘but! thats not fair! they get to see you smile and i dont!’

iwaizumi growled at him to be quiet but you beat him to it

well

you smiled at tooru but your eyes shone maliciously

‘i knew you would act like this, oikawa-san. as punishment, i gave nii-chan your phone number. good luck avoiding him now’

oikawa screamed

a/n: AAWWWWW LETS NOT KILL COACH IRIHATA OKAY? HES LIKE OUR GRANPAPA AND PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LEAVE OIKAWA ALONE WAKAWAKA-KUN!

[umbrenshadow]

ok so it was at a movie theater. long ass rant ahead, with pictures for your viewing pleasure

very VERY fancy looking, like the interior looked like a fucking palace, i was in a suit and tie and felt very under dressed, like jsdfhsdb that was the fancyest place ive ever been in, there were so many chandeliers. marble work, winding staircases to get to the upper floors.

so i go up those stairs and sit in the interview room...because its a group interview. the. fuck idk the word. people wanting this job slowly start coming in, and like everyone looks like there from everywhere. we were all the token whatever you wanna call us. but the people wanting the job werent important hdbfhsd

the guys coming to interview us finnaly arrive, and...it was an old guy, some guy named steeve and elon musk from wish. theyre all in polo shorts and just massive fucking dorks, but not the cool kind.

they all give us sticky notes...and ask us to write our names, and our favourite movies. i freaked out and put everything everywhere all at once, because i had just seen it and forgotten every other movie ive ever seen.

then they ask us to get into groups and give us a problem youd expect to find working a movie theater, and asked us how wed solve it... and heres where i tell you what the job title actually is: host. nothing fancy, just. host. take tickets and make sute customers find their seats. not a high position AT ALL. just some dumb fuck first job for a teenager.

after the group problem solving...they passed out printer paper and pens...and asked us to draw what movie or tv show character is most like us.

what

the fuck

what kind of improve class do you think this is sjdfjhdbdsh

im usually one for drawing my top kin or playing silly improve games, when im in an acting class of some sort.

not for my first job interview??? at a movie theater that looks like a palace??

anyway, i just found picters of it

like. look how fancy that is. what the fuck

anyway, they asked us to draw a movie or tv show character is the most like us, their words not mine. i...freaked out cause this isnt what im expecting what the fuck is going on and drew...idrew light yagami

not the best photo ive ever taken and they didnt let me keep it, sadly

then they made us talk about the characters and explain why we think were like them. i, again, freaked out inwardly and i actually forgot what i said lmao. something about being the youngest in any group job thing and...hm yeah nope thats all trama blocked. (also..there was a chinese girl who drew a minion because "were both yellow" 😭 girl no dont say that)

anyway, after the art bit they brought us into this weird tiny ass back room that was almost compleatly bare besides some furnature and this massive candy jar and asked "why do you think youre a good fit for this job" type questions, and as i was leaving someone dropped the "so, near or mello" question, and i said "no" then just left the room sjdhbfbhsd

OH WAIT before that, they also said "ok so this is the most important question. what.........is your favourite dinosour." that. i. fuck i dont even know.

look back to how this place looks. they asked me those questions in a compleatly serious manner.

what

the

fuck

anyway. i didnt get the job which is fine, becayse they werent gonna pay you the first month for some fucking reason, which is the whole reason i wanted to get a job is cause i wanted to buy these bad boys for halloween.

spoiler alert, i didnt get enough money for them in time, ended up having to use the ones i already had for my costume

sad, but i did end up getting the contacts after christmas

i cant find a good picture where i have both on lmao

anyway, that has been the story of my whack ass job interview that asked me about near and mello