#martha being a supportive ass girlfriend

[genuinerio]

I love and appreciate the fact that Martha was in love with River for him for the boy who preaches for veganism and wanting to change the world, not movie star teen heartthrob River Phoenix, "River’s not a big teenage heartthrob. He’s a person, and since I’ve known him, this success has just been thrown upon him. It’s something he doesn’t really want or understand. So I couldn’t really tell you what it’s like to work with a hunky teen star because he isn’t one.” - Martha Plimpton (Dolly Magazine, March 1989) 🥺🤍.

[genuinerio]

River being Martha’s biggest supporter and River, she is doing exactly that 🥹. It’s been 36 years, and she’s changing the world for all the women across the world with her feminism and being an abortion rights activist.

Martha Plimpton walked to the mic and said, “I came here for two reasons. To show support for this awesome cause. And… three years ago a friend said to me, ‘You can change the world.’” That friend was River Jude Phoenix

— Excerpt from a report by Ilene Froom at PETA’s Rock Against Fur concert

[mediocre-writerr]

all for us [the wilds girls]

the wilds girls x platonic fem reader

requested: I love your imagines a lot, you’re an amazing writer! I had a promt where maybe the reader is the youngest of all the girls and basically the younger sister they all never had and they all care and love for her very much (maybe short flashbacks with moments of her and the girls) and once their quarantine is over they realize she’s missing and it turns out she got internal injury or something else quite angsty and the girls do everything they can for her

*not my gif*

“So tell me about Y/N Y/L/N.” Agent Young says.

“Y/N Y/L/N?” Leah asks and Agent Young nods, “Where do I even begin?” 

You were the youngest of the group. Not too much younger than them, but still younger. And just like regular siblings being the youngest had its perks and downfalls.

For one, you could never go anywhere alone. Even to pee, the girls would not let you out of their sight. 

But, you got away with almost everything. The girls couldn’t stay mad at you for too long, not even Toni could stay mad at you. And she could literally stay mad at anyone until the day she died. 

“I’m taking you and her were close?” Agent Fader asks.

“Yeah, she was close to pretty much everyone. She’s like a little bean we all wanted to protect. You just wanted to squish her cheeks ever time you see her.” 

“Leah? What are you doing up here?” you ask her, plopping down onto the sand further away from everyone. 

She shakes her head staring out at the sun that was just beginning to set, “Just reading the notes he left me...again. I know I’m pathetic.” 

“I wasn’t gonna say that.” you reply and she looks at you wide-eyed.

“You weren’t?” 

You shake your head, smiling at her a little bit, “You were in love. I’ve never been in love before, but when you’re in love you’re in love. And he dumped you which wasn’t cool. I don’t support your relationship with him, but it’s only natural to be heartbroken over it.” 

“You’re wise for your age.” she says, ruffling your hair.

“If I ever meet Jeffery, I’m gonna kick his ass.” you warn her, looking at her dead in the eye.

“You probably can, if I’m being honest.” Leah states and she lets out a small laugh. 

Yes, mission accomplished.

You nod with your fists up, pretending to block, “Hit him with that one, two, punch. Pow. Pow pow pow!” you mimic, punching the air in front of you.

Your fake fighting causes her to laugh a little louder and harder. So you decided to take it up a notch, get her distracted a little more.

You get up from where you were standing. And lift one leg up, like Daniel did in Karate Kid, “Finish him!” you yell, making your voice a little deeper. 

Kicking your feet up in the air, however you don’t stick the landing. You fall onto your back letting out a small groan and the sudden hit. Leah starts laughing uncontrollably, releasing a little snort.

That small snort causes you to start laughing along with her. Jeffery long forgotten. 

“We heard from Leah that Y/N was close with everyone. Is this true?” Fader asks. 

“Oh yeah 100%.” Rachel says with a nod, “It was like having yet another younger sister to take care of. Or well...them taking care of me.” 

“You think you can beat me in a swim race.” Rachel asks, staring at you like you’ve just grown two horns.

You hum in response, “Yep!” 

“Fine you’re on! From this point to those rocks.” she says, pointing at the rock figures in the middle of the ocean.

“Who you got?” Dot asks, Toni.

Toni looks at her with a small smirk on her face, “I’m gonna bet on the underdog this round. I got my Diet Coke on Squirt here!” Toni gestures to you, using your annoying nickname that the girls named you after. 

They gave you the nickname after the turtle from Finding Nemo. You pretended to hate it, but you secretly loved your embarrassing nickname.

“You’re on!” Dot says, shaking her hand.

“On your mark, get set...GO!” Martha yells sitting along next to Marcus.

The two of you take off swimming. You start off a little slow at first trying to maintain your energy, but Rachel was the opposite. She was using everything in her power to get their as fast as she could.

When she finally started slowing down, that’s when you pushed on the gas. Moving your arms and legs in a perfect motion. Slowly, but surely you started passing her just as you made it to the rocks.

“Hell yeah!” Toni yells.

Dot groans before throwing Toni a Diet Coke. 

“How the hell did you do that?” Rachel asks you, out of breath as the two of you sat on the rocks.

“Honestly, no idea.” you say with a laugh and she rolls her eyes.

“Race you back!” she yells, jumping into the ocean.

“Cheater!” you yell before diving in after her. 

Dot was slurping down her milkshake. While the two agents waited for her to stop drinking. 

“Can I have another one of these?” Dot asks and Fader nods with a laugh. 

“Who do you think you wanted to protect most on the island?” Young asks after Dot finishes her ten course meal.

“Y/N, hands down. I think that would be every girls answer.” Dot explains, plopping another fry into her mouth.

All of you girls were relaxing on the beach. After two days of scavenging the jungle for any sorts of food and firewood. This was the first day all of you could just relax.

“I just came up with the best idea!” you exclaim. 

It was just you and Dot. The rest of the girls were scattered all over the beach, doing their own thing.

“What is it?” she asks as your eyes had that mischievous glint to them, “Oh no. I know that look!” 

“We’re already stranded on a deserted island, what if we pretended we were on an episode of Naked and Afraid?!” you say, excitedly.

She releases on of her famous hearty laughs, “You want all of us to strip down naked? You really think the girls would be up for it?” 

You nod your head, multiple times, “I bet at least 6/9 of the girls here have at least imagined one of us naked.” 

Dot raises her eyebrows at you, “Are you one of those 6?” 

“No comment...” you state.

After much convincing, you got the girls to have a pretend episode of Naked and Afraid. Everyone was stripping down of their clothes, looking at each other, trying to stifle a laugh. 

The air was awkward, yet comfortable at the same time. The only awkward part was standing there unsure of what to do next. 

“Y/N, you have a cute butt!” Fatin exclaims, giving you a high five.

Toni sidles up next to her to get a look, “Awe it looks like a little peach.” 

You throw your face in your hands, shaking your head as a chorus full of aw’s fill the air. 

Toni sat there with her arms crossed over her chest, not wanting to talk about anything to these phonies. 

“So we’ve been asking the girls their opinions on everyone else, we’re gonna go one by one on the list and you’ll say one word to describe them.” Fader says and Toni just nods.

“Leah Rilke?” 

“Over-thinker.” Toni replies.

“Rachel Reid?” 

“Driven.” 

“Dot Campbell?” 

“Resourceful.” 

“Shelby Goodkind?” 

There was a moment of silence, trying to find the right words to say, “Complex.” 

“Martha Blackburn?” 

“Sister.” 

“Y/N Y/L/N?” 

Toni laughs to herself softly, “Squirt.” 

You and Toni were out in the shallow waters of the ocean. Dot sent you and Toni on an experiment to see if watch she saw on TV actually works. Where you stand out in the water and catch a fish with your bare hands.

The two of you didn’t quite know the logistics on how it works, but you volunteered anyway. You were standing out, not too far away from the shore just reaching down trying to grab a fish to eat.

Each time you tried you came out short, “You look like an idiot right now.” Toni says, laughing at you flailing your arms in and out of the water.

“Shut up!” you say, splashing her with water. 

“You guys aren’t doing it right?!” Nora yells from the shore, “You need to stay still and patient so the fish will come to you.” 

“We literally picked the worst people for this job.” Shelby says and you and Toni flip her off from where you were standing, “You guys literally can not stay still for the life of you. And don’t even get me started on patience.”

“That’s rude!” you yell at her, “God can hear you! You’re supposed to be nice!” 

“I’m also supposed to be honest!” Shelby shoot back and you mock her actions, before she gives you the bird herself.

“Hey that’s not allowed!” Toni yells at her girlfriend. 

You start laughing with Toni, pushing her slightly. She pushes you back playfully, before it turns in to a full on battle to see who can get the other to fall first. But Toni being Toni decided to just tackle you. 

“Ahhhhhh!” you say letting out a little screen, “Something’s touching me!” 

“Pick it up! It could be a fish!” Toni exclaims.

You pick up the creature and yell a little louder when it bites you, tossing it in the process, “It bit me!!” 

“Y/N, it’s a baby turtle!” Toni exclaims, “You were scared of a baby turtle!” 

“Shut the fuck up.” you joke with her, but give her a serious look. 

Toni picks up the turtle examining the cute little guy. She looks at the turtles face and then back at you doing a double take. 

“It kinda looks like you.” she says, before letting it go back into the ocean.

“Fuck you.” you tease, tackling back into the ocean.

“We really picked the worst people.” Shelby says to Nora.

Both of them shaking their heads in disappointment.

“Thoughts on Y/N Y/L/N?”

“Oh intern for being the baddest bitch out there.” Fatin says with a smile on her face.

“Intern for who?” Fader asks.

“Me of course.” 

Nora and Rachel were currently fighting to the death. Neither you, Leah, or Martha knew what to do.

“Y/N come over here!” Fatin says, gesturing for you to go where she was standing, “Take this bottle of lube!” 

You catch the bottle of the lube she tossed you. And you raised your eyebrow up at her. 

“Just follow my lead.” she brings her toothbrush up to her mouth, “Nora has Rachel pinned on the ground.” she mocks an announcer you would hear on ESPN.

“But Rachel is not giving up too easily folks!” you go along with your guys’ bit, “I don’t know about you Fatin, but I have never seen a girl fight this interesting in my life!” 

“Agreed, usually it’s just a bunch of-HOLY SHIT that was a knee to the tit ladies and gentlemen!” she yells out. 

“Is Rachel out for the count?!” you add on watching the fight unfold in front of you. 

It’s probably not the best time to make jokes, but you all need to let loose once in awhile.

“Wait...she’s getting up!” Fatin yells.

“Oh my gosh she’s not...OUCH! That was knee to the twat!” you yell wincing at the pain that was just brought upon Nora.

“Y/N, how do you feel about this fight?” Fatin asks.

You shake your head, “I don’t know you have two amazing fighters going head to head for the very first time. We have Rachel, olympic diver, very strong and very determined. But then we have the underdog of the hour Nora who is small and scrawny, but she’s packing quite a punch. It could be anyone’s game.” 

“You’re absolutely right Y/N! But Rachel now as Nora pinned to the ground and she can’t seem to get up! This fight might be over everyone!!” 

“Hey there.” Shelby says, sitting down at the metal table. 

“Hello Shelby, can we get you anything?” the two men ask and she just sit back in her seat, shaking her head.

Fader nods, “Well let’s get started, shall we?” 

The three of them have a long conversation before Shelby ultimately decides to stop the interview all together. 

“Wait just one question!” Fader exclaims as Shelby stands up, “How do you feel about Y/N?” 

At the sound of your name Shelby freezes in her spot, “My favorite person on the island.” fear and worry start to fill her body at why the sudden question about you, “Is she okay??” 

You were trekking in the jungle looking for some source of food. All of you ate all the food when the rescue plane was coming, but it’s not coming anytime soon so here you were.

Shelby, Toni, and Martha said they were gonna go out looking, but none of them were to be found. So you decided to go on a little expedition to find them. You heard rustling coming from the tree up ahead, so you decided to follow the noise.

Only to see Toni and Shelby basically naked under a lychee tree, “Oh my god!!!” you yell, covering your eyes with your hand.

“AHHH!” the two girls scream, but you couldn’t see what they were doing.

You turned around facing towards the direction you came from, “Sorry sorry. I was just looking for you guys and food. I uh I didn’t mean to.” you say, shaking your head.

“Jesus Y/N you scared us!” Shelby yells and you can hear rustling. 

Hopefully, they were putting their clothes back on. 

“Damn it I was getting laid!” Toni says jokingly and you could hear a smack hit her arm.

“Leave our daughter alone!” Shelby jokes and you laugh softly.

“Can I turn back around now?” you ask meekly.

“Yes.” the two girls say and you release a sigh and turn around to face the two girls.

You look at their flush faces, “You guys couldn’t have gone a little farther away?” you ask, “Thanks to you I’m more traumatized than I already was.” you joke. 

“Oh c’mon you know you liked it.” Toni nudges your shoulder as the two of you walk back to the camp.

Your face flushes as you put your head in your hands, “Stop corrupting her!” Shelby yells at her. 

“Let me see her!” Shelby yells at the two men.

“We can’t let you do that. You girls aren't allowed to see each other yet. Not for awhile.” Agent Young says.

“Can you at least tell me if she’s okay?” she asks, looking at the two men with her eyebrows raised.

“She’s fine.” 

That didn’t relieve the feeling in Shelby’s chest that something could possibly be wrong. But she couldn’t do anything, even if we tried.

The girls didn’t know how long they were quarantined. It felt like months and it probably was a couple months. They finally let all of the girls hang out together in the small courtyard.

All of them hugging one another, super glad to see each other. Knowing that everyone’s okay. Well...everyone who made it.

“Y/N? Where’s Y/N?” Leah asks, looking at all the other girls.

“She was okay when we left. She should be here.” Dot adds on. 

Shelby face was flushed with worry, “They wouldn’t let me see her when I asked about her. I asked if she was okay, but they said she was fine.” 

Fader was standing there with a guilty look on his face. Toni’s blood was boiling at the look on his face. She runs up to him, pushing him against the wall, holding onto him by the collar. 

“Where the fuck is she?!” she yells.

Which causes Agent Young to burst into the room, “What’s going on here?” 

“Where is Y/N?!” Toni yells again, but at the other man.

Agent Young locks eyes with Fade and he subtly nods, “She’s in the infirmary. Her heart was in bad condition, so she needed open heart surgery. The surgeons are working on her right now.” 

“You told me she was fine when I was being interrogated.” Shelby says in between gritted teeth, “Did you lie?” 

The two men don’t answer. They just stare anywhere, but at the other girls. The silence spoke louder than any words did. Fatin scoffs at the men’s actions.

“That’s why you wanted to know huh?” Leah asks, her imagination running wild, “You wanted to know about her because you were wondering if she was worth saving. Isn’t that right?” 

Neither of the men decided to speak again.

“Let us see her.” Rachel says, staring at them intensely.

“We can’t do that. She’s in surgery right now.” Young says.

Toni pushes Fader up against the wall yet again, “You’re gonna let us see her when she’s out. No excuses. No bullshit. You’re gonna let us see our friend.” Toni threatens.

The girls sat in the waiting room of the infirmary. Leah paced back and forth chewing on her fingernail. Toni was trying to console a worried Shelby. While Dot, Rachel, and Fatin sat in the seats waiting impatiently.

Agent Young filled the girls in on your condition. You had a heart disease before you came onto the island. And your parents gave you a little trip to help because of the depressive state you were in. Little did they know you would be trapped on an island with none of the medication that was needed to help you survive.

All of the rigorous activity brought your heart to a weaker state than ever before. When the girls got saved, you were already experiencing symptoms of heart failure. And you were put under immediate watch when you reached the facility. You were getting better, but then your heart gave out and you needed to get an artery reconstructed.

“We already lost too much.” Fatin whispers in the tense silence of the waiting room. 

“Nora, Martha...” Rachel draws out.

“We can’t lose Y/N.” Toni adds. 

“The girl who loved the most has a heart condition. How ironic is that?” Dot asks.

“I’m scared guys.” Leah whispers.

“She’s strong, she’ll pull through.” Shelby says, trying to boost their hope, but she’s losing faith herself.

After God knows how long the doctor finally came out. All of the girls looking up at her. Tears brimming all of their eyes, scared for the answer they were about to get.

“She’s okay. We managed to repair it without too much trouble. You guys can see her now.” the doctor says and everyone lets out this huge breath.

A smile breaks out on Fatin’s face as tears spill from her face. The six girls walk into your hospital room where you were laying peacefully. Your eyes somewhat open, you had a soft smile on your face as you stared at the girls.

“Hey guys!” you exclaim, as excited as you can.

Dot lets out a small sniffle, “You scared us, asshole!” 

“Why didn’t you tell us about your condition?” Fatin asks, tears still streaming down her face.

You shrug, “We already were going through too much. I didn’t want to worry everyone more or get treated any differently. Rachel, if I told you about my heart would you have raced me?” 

She shakes her head, “No.” 

“Exactly.” 

Rachel, Dot, and Fatin take a seat on the foot of the rock-hard hospital bed. You scooted over so Leah could cuddle in next to you. While Shelby and Toni pulled up a chair right by your side.

Leah rests her head on your shoulder, “We thought we were gonna lose you Squirt.” Toni says, ruffling your hair. 

Shelby was still crying, looking at you full of worry. You look at the blonde beauty who was now bald, but she still looked beautiful.

“Come here.” you whisper to her. You scoot over closer to her Leah, making room for her.

She sits next to you, crying into your chest, “Hey. I’m okay Shelby.” you look at all of the other girls who still had worry on their face, “I’m okay guys. We’re all okay.”

But the girls don’t look convinced.

“Listen to my heart Shelby, it’s still beating. Just focus on that okay?” you tell her and she nods. Even Leah could hear your heart beating from here. 

“You’re really okay?” Shelby asks and you nod.

“I’m okay. I promise.” you say, giving each of the girls a look, They all nod with small smiles, “Now how the hell do we get out of here?” you whisper.

And each of you give each other a small smirk, “Time for the Great Escape.” 

[internally-glitching]

32. “how much of that did you hear?”

with shelby x toni :) ?

[Sorry it took me a while to respond to this. My ADHD, dyslexic brain decided that it wasn’t gonna function for a few days. Hope this is okay]

It wasn’t like Shelby had been meaning to eavesdrop, she genuinely hadn’t. She’d been heading back from the bathroom, when she’d heard the low, muffled voices from behind a closed door- drawing her curious attention. Perhaps she would have carried on walking, returning to the bustling party, but something stopped her.  

“I just- I don’t know how to tell her,” one of the speakers murmured. The voice was deep and gritty, there was a certain husk to the way it formed words that was both soothing and fiercely captivating- it was undoubtedly Toni.

Shelby felt her stomach drop.

Tell who? And what?

Did Toni want to-

She leaned closer to the door.

“I know- I know I need to but I just don’t know how to say it”, Toni’s voice was quiet and uncharacteristically timid.

Holy shit.

Toni was going to break up with her.

Read on AO3

Around her, the air was getting hazy and dark. Her body felt like it was imploding into her ribcage. She couldn’t breathe.

They’d been together for five years now, since the island, and it was going well. Sleepy mornings, when Toni was just a bit too grumpy to get up. Late nights, cuddled up against each other, reminiscing on their past together and planning their future. When Toni would go the long way back from her work to buy Shelby pastries from the bakery she loved. Or when they would spend hours watching trashy reality TV, because they could never seem to agree on anything good to watch.

For so long, Shelby had told herself that she couldn’t have this- it wasn’t for people like her. And now- now she had everything she’d always wanted. And she was happy, so happy. She’d thought Toni was too.

Grasping onto the doorframe for support, she desperately held back the tears that were scolding her eyes. She was about to run back to the bathroom when the second voice spoke, it was Martha.

“Do you even have a ring?”

A ring?

“Not yet but I might go to that nice jewellers on the edge of town. I’m gonna need you to come with me because you know I’m terrible at that shit. Maybe Dot or Fatin too, they’ll know what Shelby would want. Should I do it in a restaurant? Or is that too public? But is our apartment too boring? Fuck! Do I have to actually get down on one knee or-“

Holy shit.

Toni was going to propose to her.

Fizzling excitement bubbled through her chest. She could barely hear Toni’s nervous ramblings through the warm buzzing in her ears.

Perhaps in her elation Shelby had leant against the door a bit too firmly, perhaps she’d let out a small squeak of glee.

Suddenly, the door was opening and then Toni was standing there, looking straight at her.

“How much of that did you hear?”

Toni’s arms were folded stiffly across her chest and her rich, fiery eyes looked Shelby up and down. Mumbling a quiet excuse and offering Shelby a brief smile, Martha slipped away- leaving them alone.

“Sorry, I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop I swear, I-“, she started.

“But you did, right?”, Toni bit back, her jaw tensed the way it did when she was frustrated.

Even just a few years ago, Shelby would have backed away from Toni’s rage. It was volatile and destructive and, while Shelby would never have left because of it, she knew it was best to let Toni be alone when she was at her angriest. But in the last five years, there had been therapy and supportive friends and the safety of a stable home. Despite been just as passionate and irritatingly impulsive as she’d always been, Toni no longer needed to fight all the time.

She clutched Shelby’s arm and gently pulled her into the room she’d just emerged from.

“It was meant to be a surprise”, Toni complained, looking down to the floor.

“I’m so sorry babe,” Shelby pulled her girlfriend towards her, blanketing the girl in her arms. “It’s just… well I heard voices, then you were saying about telling someone something, and… I guess I thought you were going to break up with me”.

Toni looked up, staring directly into Shelby’s eyes.

“Shelby, I would never.” She sounds almost offended at the idea.

Shelby chuckled,

“well it sounds silly now, but- well I guess I panicked.”

They stayed there for a while, enjoying each other’s warmth and the knowledge that neither of them were going anywhere soon.

“You know,” Toni began, retracting slightly from Shelby’s embrace, “there are so many more logically explanations for what you heard that didn’t involve me wanting to break up with you. That’s some Leah-level jumping to conclusions, babe.”

Shelby laughed again, playfully swatting Toni’s arm.

“Oh, shut up!” she exclaimed.

Not that she gave Toni much of a choice, grabbing the side of her face with one hand and bringing their lips together.

A few minutes later they were entangled within each other. Toni’s hands were sliding up the hem of Shelby’s shirt, while she had one still cradling Toni’s jaw and the other resting firmly on the girl’s ass. The kiss was heated and craving, both wrapped up in the absolute bliss of just being together.

Suddenly, Shelby pulled away. Taking advantage of Toni’s confused breathlessness to ask the question that was lingering in her mind.

“Toni, will you marry me?”.

Shelby looked on smugly as Toni’s face morphed from confused, to shocked, to annoyed.

“I was going to ask first!”, she protested.

Smirking, Shelby leaned back in, this time pressing kissing along Toni’s collar bone and neck. They started light, but were growing increasingly enthusiastic. Toni sighed contently.

“So, is that a yes?”, Shelby whispered into Toni’s skin.

“Oh, fuck yes.”

A short while after, Toni froze, looking questioningly at Shelby.

“Wait. If you proposed, does that mean I don’t have to buy a ring?”

A smile formed on Shelby’s lips.

“Oh no, you’re still buying that ring.”

[cultofbeatles]

beginners guide to the beatles

 made one of these a long time ago but i'm surprised by how short it was. so here we go again. doing it right this time lol. 

pov: you told a bad joke and now the beatles are judging you. 

john winston lennon. later in his life known as john winston ono lennon. 

born on october 9, 1940 

i believe in astrology bc how does john just happen to be a libra 

when john was four he started living with his aunt mimi who acted more as his mother figure 

his mother, julia, remarried and would visit him quite a bit.

it was julia who taught john how to play banjo and piano. and she bought his first guitar.

they both had a deep love for music and rock n roll 

he never really thought of her as his mother but more as a cool friend i suppose 

aunt mimi was more rough on him and did the disciplining 

his father was never really present growing up and his uncle passed away when he was young 

he thought he was a curse for the men in his family 

he had five half siblings. two of them, julia and jacqueline, he was pretty close to. the other three he barely knew. 

fashion icon.

hated school but loved art 

very early on he was insecure with himself 

teachers always shit on him and said he would go nowhere in life 

he met paul at a church fete on july 6, 1957 

paul taught him how to play guitar properly.

once told paul that he didnt know how paul carried on after his mother died bc he just didn't think he could do it 

john’s mother died from being hit by an off duty policemen. john was seventeen at the time. 

 he took her death really hard and became a bit of a recluse. 

first serious relationship was with cynthia (we stan her) 

once cynthia cut her hair short and he didn't talk to her for two days. 

hate men. kill all men. 

when he asked her to dance at a party she turned him down saying that she was engaged, and so he said “well i didn't ask you to fucking marry me, did i?” 

slapped her once bc he was drunk and another boy was talking to her.

only time her hit her.

read cynthia’s books about john pls. i beg. 

once a psychic told him that he would be shot in the states.

founder of the beatles and also came up with the name.

instruments he could play: guitar, harmonica, rhythm guitar, banjo, keyboard, piano, saxophone, bass guitar, and a little drums. 

main songwriter in the beatles along with paul.

was more open minded to change in the beatles music. 

was insecure in his relationship with paul after a while bc he thought he only needed him for songwriting. 

would bitch about paul all day long but the second anyone else said something about him he’d be on their ass. 

had a lot of issues and needed a good hug. 

suffered from eating disorders, drug addictions, depression, insecurities, and questioned his sexuality bc of the time. 

was super open minded and ahead of his time in many instances. 

once he was called “the fat beatle” and after that he stopped eating as much.

truly loved his first son, julian lennon, and would buy him presents all the time bc he was excited to see him play with them.

“your famous ex husband”

he enjoyed playing monopoly. 

he once claimed that he saw a ufo.

he had written three books but he always wanted to write a children's book.

 the last song he ever performed in front of a live audience was “i saw her standing there.” with elton john.

he was afraid of the dark. 

found out later in his life that he was dyslexic. 

was also legally blind without glasses.

never could catch a break huh.

said that his best lyric ever was “all you need is love” i agree.

the first time yoko and john met was not at her art exhibit but actually when she approached him about giving away songs for free.

wanted to write a musical with paul. 

once a friend dared him to masturbate ten times in one day and he managed to do it nine times.

would hold circle jerks with paul and a few other friends. 

just dudes being dudes. 

went on a holiday with brian epstein, who was gay, and told some people afterward that they did certain sexual things. but we will never know for sure.

yoko says that john was bisexual.

once in an interview he said that he would of married a rich man or woman if he wasn't in the beatles. 

hated his voice on records. would always ask for effects on his voice for final recordings. 

made a film with yoko where it was just his penis going from flaccid to erect for fifteen minutes in slow motion. 

only beatle not to of become a vegetarian while he was alive. 

murdered on december 8, 1980.

gave his autograph earlier in the day to the man who would murder him.

died at the age of 40.

“all my loving” was played while he was at the hospital.

and its spooky bc a lot of times in interviews he would say “when i'm 40..” 

and it’s sad bc he was finally becoming who he truly wanted to be. 

honorable john moments that i love:

“thanks for the purpler hearts” he says while receiving the silver heart 

“you are the first person from liverpool that i've ever seen” “great”

eric lennon on my mind today 

this come together performance where he messed up the lyrics lol

that interview where paul was sick and john keep checking on him 

john lennon speaking nothing but facts 

when he said that he could see the beatles going separate ways but that they'd always come back together.

SHUT UP 

“shut up while he’s talking..”

this interview breaks my heart sometimes 

and this interview is great as well 

sir james paul mccartney 

born on june 18, 1942

if you ever have spare time just check out this man’s natal chart. 

idk how he’s still alive with his chart tbh. 

he has a younger brother named mike and a step sister named ruth. 

his dad thought he was the ugliest baby he’d ever seen when he was born. 

when he was young paul would kill frogs in a way to prepare himself for the war if he ever was drafted. 

the first instrument he ever learned to play was the trumpet.

I don't even want to list every instrument this man can play but trust me when I say it’s a lot.

but for the beatles he mainly did bass, vocals, and piano. sometimes playing the guitar and the drums.

the beatles was just paul moving really, really fast. 

he lost his mother when he was 14 due to surgery for breast cancer.

never really learned how to cope well with loss of a loved one tbh. 

had the cutest chubby cheeks as a kid tbh 

met john and was accepted into his band 

sometimes they'd ditch school together and either work on music or would visit art galleries.

went to paris with john and john bought him all the banana milkshakes that he wanted.

connected over their love and admiration for music, and bc they had both lost their mothers. 

had a girlfriend’s mom who he would make comb his leg hairs. 

was an ass to his first girlfriend.

kill all men again. 

almost had to marry his girlfriend dot bc she was pregnant, but she ended up losing the baby.

was the one who introduced george harrison to john.

practically despised pete best and stuart stutcliffe bc they were bringing the group down. 

got arrested along with pete best bc they lit a condom on fire in hamburg.

still felt awful and a little guilty when stuart died suddenly. 

main force behind the beatles imo. 

without him we’d have not as much beatles music as we do. 

was dating jane asher throughout majority of the sixties. 

when they first met they talked about syrup and paul fell in love.

they broke things off after she walked in on him sleeping with another woman though.

directed magical mystery tour and it was amazing and I don't care what anyone says ok?

when john divorced cynthia he was the only one not scared of john and went against his wishes of not speaking to cynthia.

was a little controlling at times. 

has a good heart though. 

mal evans had to drive him home once after a beatles sessions bc he was crying so hard. 

was talking about getting the band back to touring when john said he was leaving the group. 

everyone kind of turned against him when the beatles were breaking up and i hate it.

he just wanted what was best for the band.

married linda and had a nice little farm. 

we love that story.

linda i'm free thursday if you want to hang out pls.

started up the whole “no meat monday” thing where you don't eat monday on mondays

food meat. not the other kind of meat.

children: james mccartney, stella mccartney, heather mccartney, mary mccartney, and beatrice mccartney. 

rip martha. 

WINGS!! 

he lost linda in 1998 due to cancer.

 cried for a whole year bc of it.

still has dreams about john and says they're nice.

wrote a sad song about john called “here today.”

really loved john. like..he truly, genuinely did. 

want someone to love me like paul does john. 

“think of me every now and then old friend.”

honorable paul moments:

his story about george’s dad 

“john? he was beautiful. very beautiful.”

humpty dumpty rap 

another story about him and george.

his google search video that I watch every week 

this 

george harrison 

born: February 24, 1943 

or at least we think 

bc he use to say that his birthday was february 25, but later started saying it february 24. 

why can't we change our birthdays its not like we picked it 

he was the youngest child.

baby of the family and of the beatles awwww

two older brothers named harry and peter. one older sister named louise.

when george’s mom was pregnant with him she’d play sitar music.

his mom was super supportive of his career choice 

when he was 16 he worked as an electricians apprentice.

his dad kind of hoped he would start a family business out of it.

george said nah

would ride the bus opposite way of his house just to spend time with paul 

headbutted a kid bc he didn't think they were worthy of paul’s friendship 

was brought into the band bc of paul insisting to john 

would follow john around like a lost puppy when he first met him 

once had an eight hour erection. don't ask me how idk he said it.

was 17 when he lost his virginity and the other band members were in the room watching and cheered him when he finished 

most sex craved beatle tbh 

once walked into a girls dressing room and asked if they could stand there so he could masturbate 

he was the first beatle to go to america 

got a black eye for defending ringo once 

would make john and paul take turns sharing rooms with ringo when he first joined the band so that he felt more welcomed 

when ringo left during the white album and then came back george decorated the studio with flowers for him 

during the beatles first recording session he told george martin that he didn't like his tie

became a vegetarian at 22 

favorite candy was jelly beans and purple was his favorite color 

used the phrase “grotty” in the hard days night movie, hated it, but everyone else picked up on the slang 

met his first wife, pattie boyd, on the set of a hard days night 

was turned down by her at first 

they married in 1966

wouldn't let her do modeling stuff and was kind of an ass 

a stylish couple but not the best image for a healthy relationship 

got into eastern religion around 1965 

during the Hamburg days he would eat chicken on stage 

had an affair with ringo’s first wife maureen 

got a divorce from pattie in 1977

in 1978 he married olivia who he stayed with until his death and had one son with. dhani.

was the first beatle to hit a number one single and album. 

was buddies with led zeppelin

inspired their “rain song” 

smashed a piece of cake on john bonham’s head and then was thrown into the pool by him 

he financed and produced films. had a production company.

tom petty said that george never shut up once you started talking to him 

but he was often referred to as “the quiet beatle”

formed another band called the traveling wilburys

he’d answer questions online in the 2000′s and it’s the cutest thing ever and his answers break my heart too.

“what do you miss most about john lennon?” “john lennon.”

in 1999 a schizophrenic person broke into his house and stabbed him 40 times 

thank god olivia was there bc she was the only braincell in the room 

had to get a part of his lung taken out 

died november 29, 2001 from lung cancer 

ashes were scattered into the ganges river 

honorable george moments:

this interview he did with ringo 

“i'm sad bc i can't play guitars with john anymore. but i did that...i know we’ll meet again some day.”

when he invented reaction videos 

“the wind was blowing.” “..blowing my girl?”

“what kind of girl do you like?” “john’s wife.”

sir richard starkey aka ringo starr 

born on july 7, 1940 

oldest member in the group 

has no siblings 

naturally was left handed but his grandma thought it was bad luck so he writes right handed, and plays drums with a right handed kit 

but does everything else left handed

when he was 6 he fell into a two month coma 

was a very sick child 

when he was 13 he was in the hosiptal for tuberculosis and formed a hospital band 

grew up poor 

loves and looked up to his stepfather a lot 

his step father bought him his first drum kit in 1957

wasn't that great in school bc he missed so much of it from being so sick 

he worked for a britain railway for a while 

also served drinks on a day boat for a job 

loves dancing 

Rory storm and the hurricanes 

got his nickname from all the rings he would wear

replaced pete best as the beatles drummer 

dealt with people hating him for a bit bc they liked pete more 

had to style his hair in a bowl cut to be in the band and i'm still mad at them for making him do that shit 

ringo i'm so sorry 

george martin didn't really like his drumming and had a session drummer come in for the first album 

in 1964 he had tonsillitis, pharyngitis, and high fever all at once and had to be in the hospital for a bit.

was worried the beatles would replace him for good 

he’s a cancer don't worry

was the first beatle to try weed 

drummers always go first huh 

married his first wife, maureen, in 1965 

she kissed paul, ringo, and george.

what a champ

honeymoon was ruined by reporters 

was really insecure in his relationship and needed a lot of reassurance 

had a great relationship with pretty much all the beatles 

but a great one with john 

john felt his most relaxed when he was with ringo

was once in a movie with roger daltrey 

divorced maureen in 1975 

his wife now is barbara bach who he married in 1981 

had alcohol problems 

once gotten so drunk that he beat barbara so badly that he thought he killed her 

put himself into rehab after that 

barbara lowkey looks like jan from the office 

children: zak, lee, and jason

zak is the drummer for the band the who 

peace and love 

but don't send me fan mail anymore 

peace and love 

ringo starr and the allstar band (starting 1981)

was the narrator for thomas the tank engine 

will play at paul’s concerts sometimes now for fun 

mad bc he came on stage during paul’s last concert show and it was on my birthday and I couldn't go to it 

honorable ringo moments:

“do you want me to come with you?”

stupid barbara walters 

talking about paul 

giving us a little dance 

[johnshelbysbabygirll]

Our secret - JOHN SHELBY X READER

Request: Heyyy! Can you write a John x reader where she is the best friend of Ada and she and John have a secret relationship and Ada finds out and is mad about it but in the end everything is alright. Please, thank you for your time❤️

Words: 2088

hello lovies!!

this is my first request ever and i really hope that the one who wanted this would like it and i want a honest opinion on it!! in fact, i hope you all like it and sorry for any mistakes, i’m very tired rn. 

love you soo much xx

You met Ada Shelby a long time ago and you liked her right from that night you spend together at the library and then at the Garrison. But what was surprising for her family was that she quickly liked you too.

She don't usually accept females presence around her, but you were different. You were innocent, positive and always with a beautiful smile on your face. But Ada wasn't the only one that saw how amazing you are. Her family saw it too and Ada was very possessive over you.

Even when she told you stories about you how cruel her brothers are, you couldn't help but wanted to talk with them, to know more about and from them cause you are sure that they have something good in their hearts. And you talked the most with John. You met his children and you immediately started to love them, so that's what made you and John to talk more and start...something. Something that you kept away from Ada long before your first kiss with him.  You felt horrible when you wanted to tell her everything, about the kiss, about what you feel, but you just couldn't.

You started to fell hard for her brother and when he asked you to be his girlfriend, you couldn't say no. You were happy with him, you spent a lot of time together, but you kept hiding everything from Ada.

One night, you clearly remember how you wanted to tell her everything. You were at the bar with her and John was with his brothers in the back room of the pub, his eyes on you, wishing you would let him to just tell her already. He wanted...He craved so bad to claim you as his in front of everyone.

But you didn't tell her. She was down after just finding out that she is pregnant and after a few more days things became worst between her and Freddy and her family. She didn't even wanted to hear their names, so you kept your mouth closed a few more.

A few more until in the present when it's been a year and Ada still doesn't know.

You and John have a beautiful relationship now and his family knows about it, everyone except Ada. A week ago when John asked you to marry him and you accepted it, you swore that you will tell her no matter what but then Freddie died and Ada is grieving now.

So to try to make her feel a little better, you two are at the Garrison now. John is in the back room with the door wide open and is now looking at you, smirking to show you that he is supporting you. You smile back at him, not really believing that what you are living it's for real. He's so gentle and soft with you, caring and always try to show you that he cares. Yes, there are days when you don't see each other because of his family business that you don't know much about, but he's trying to be there for you and that's is what really matters.

"How's Karl?" You ask, thinking about that little monkey.

"He's with the nanny now. He don't really know much, he's too little..."

Her eyes are sad and you reach to her hand to grab it in yours.

"I'm there for you, love. Always."

"I know, [Y/N]. But is there a reason you wanted us to come 'ere?" She ask while raising an eyebrow and you slowly nod.

"In fact yes, but-..." Your tone it's low anyway, but you try to find the courage to just tell her already. Her interrupting you didn't helped.

"It can wait. Now, Harry! We want some whiskey!"

You smile a little to her, but when you catch John's eyes you just sigh, but then the door closed showing that they discuss business now. After two glasses of whiskey and some talking, Ada stand up from the chair and look at you with a dizzy little smile.

"Gonna be back." And she left to the bathroom, you alone in a pub full of men.

You wish the door to the back room was still open so you could feel safe, knowing John is watching you, but now you are really uncomfortable, knowing that you are being served only because of Ada. No one beside his brothers and Polly, knows that you are his fiancee and you start to hate this so fuckin much. You want it to be over.

"Wha' are ya doing alone here, love?" A raspy voice speaks to you and you turn your head to see a man with a long beard and a hat, looking at you with a dirty grin. You never saw him before and you grab the glass of whisky, holding it in your hand just in case.

"Wantin' for my friend. You can leave."

"Why would I do leave a beautiful girl like you? What's your name?" He sit on Ada's chair and you turn your head to the bathroom, hoping to see her, but she's not coming and you curse into your head when this creepy man touch your arm, holding you by it.

"Tell me love. What's your name?"

"[Y/N]." You don't know why you told him that, but you just did and his grin grow wider.

"So [Y/N]. What do you say about piss off to somewhere more private, hm?"  You quickly stand up, not wanting to just accept this anymore.

"I'm sorry, but I'm married." Your hand is still in his and his strain become tight, hurting your wrist.

"Married my ass. Where's him now?

He pull you to his chest, his nose inhaling your skin perfume as you try your hardest to push him off you. You think you may have a chance against him, but he stand up and try to grab you into his arms as he is whispering disgusting things in your ear.

"Come on love. I'll show you how a good man do things...Like that." You scream when his hand was under your dress, but no one cares about you. No one knows who you are.

"Just let me go to my friend...Please, let me go."

"No way in hell I-..."

You don't let him finish; you grab the glass of whiskey and you smash it in his head right after his fingers touched your thigh. He was caught off guards and let go of you, but don't last it too much because before you can even run away, he grab you again and slap your cheek. You bite your lips, tears all over your face as he pushed you into the bar, breaking a few glasses, pieces from them hurting your back.

"You stupid whore! You gonna pay for this."

"What the fuck is happenin' 'ere?" Tommy voice interrupted him from slapping your cheek again and John eyes are wide as he understand what happened.

"Who the fuck do you think you are?" His scream made everyone shut up and listen and when he approached you two, you almost jump into his arms, still crying. He push you behind him and you watch over his shoulder how his fist hit the man's nose, mouth and jawline a few times, him begging for forgiveness and mercy.

Arthur grab your shoulder to show you that you are safe now, but they let their brother do his thing, knowing that he's deserving it and John's is beyond furious now so no one can really stop him. You close your eyes when he take his cap off, knowing what's coming next; the man's screams are all over the pub now as John cut him and you can't watch.

"Are you 'right? He touched you?" John speaks to you, his eyes full of concern, grabbing you into his arms and kissing your forehead for the first time in front of everyone and then he loudly speaks again.

"Listen 'ere you bunch of fuckers! This girl" He pointed to you and kiss your cheek "This fuckin girl is gonna be my fuckin wife and if you don't respect the shit outta her, you are gonna end up worse than this worm."

You are left speechless into his arms, not really believing that he did this. But then you saw Ada, her face falling to the floor while looking at you.

"Come again. She's what?"

"Ada, it's not-"

Of course, everyone is now looking at you two.

"So it's true? You marry him and you didn't tell me a single thing?" She is almost screaming and when you try to grab her arm, she lost her balance and almost fell, but Tommy grab her just in time and push you all into the back room while screaming at the others.

"The show it's over. Back to your fuckin' business!"

Ada is laughing now, muttering that she can't believe this and she puffed at the sight of you in John's arms.

"Why are you so against us? I love her. It's been a year, Ada-"

"A fuckin year!" She sadly laughs again.

"I want to marry her because I love her. Why are you so against this?"

John's voice is sad and it's breaking your heart to see him like this, so you stand into his arms, not saying anything because Ada start to scream again with fire burning in her eyes like a true Shelby she is.

"You think you are strong enough to fuckin be in this dysfunctional family? Cause you are not! They going to ruin you, your innocence, your happiness...They going to ruin everything you have until they are everything you have. Until you can't do shit without them by your fuckin side."

"So what? I have no one beside you anyway!" You snap back at her. "My parents are dead!"

"And you are going to be dead too very soon. Just like Martha. Just like Freddie. Just like fuckin everyone who tries to love one of us. We destroy everything we touch."

And she leave the pub like a tornado. Everyone is mute behind her, you sobbing uncontrollably in John's arms, he trying to calm you down.

It's been a month and Ada is still not talking to you nor her family. You hoped that she will come around since you moved with John and tomorrow it's your wedding day, but she didn't tell anyone a single word. Not even to Polly, after she finds out that everyone knew.

You wanted her so bad to be there for you in this special day, but you stop trying to win her back if she doesn't want it. You can't force yourself into her life and you keep telling yourself this to understand it. You and John won't sleep together tonight because Polly want to do all the gipsy traditions and you agreed, but when John walk into the room where you are gonna sleep he wasn't alone, but with Ada.

"What?" You ask confused, but with a growing smile on your lips.

"Tell her." Ada speak to her brother and he grab your wrist, pulling you closer to him and kissing your temple before talking.

"Ada came to me and apologized for everything. And..I think she has something to tell you too. I just came 'ere to tell you good night and that I can't wait to see you tomorrow."

You smile at John, pulling him into your lips, crashing your lips together in a sweet innocent kiss.

"I love you. So much." You mutter and John let his face into your hair, before kissing it.

"And I love you, princess." He look at his sister and then back at you. "I'll let you two alone and go drinking with the lads. See ya tomorrow."

"I'll be the one in white!"

You both chuckle, but when he close the door behind him you remain silent, not knowing what to do, but somehow just knowing that both of you regret it.

"You know, I'm sorry for every mean thing I said to you. I mean it, this family destroy everything and everyone, but you and John...You deserve him and you love each other, so who am I to ruin your happiness? And...To ruin my best friend and brother's wedding day."

You smile and you can't say anything right now, you just hug her with happy tears in your eyes. You were sad because of your friendship, but now you have no reason at all to not be happy.

"And I'm sorry for hidin' it from you. I wanted to tell you so many times, but-...

"Doesn't matter now. But" She is dead serious now. "I want to know how he proposed and if he wasn't on his fuckin knee, I will shoot him."

You both start laughing so hard until you hear Finn hitting the wall with his fists to shoot you down.

[humansofstarshollow]

Doyle and Paris were each other’s beards and I can’t be convinced otherwise. Paris was in love with Rory, as we know. But I also have a headcanon that Doyle is hopelessly in love with Logan. Like, when we first meet Logan when he reassures his position at the newspaper after dipping out of school and Doyle’s description of him to Rory??? It’s a CLASSIC case of being hopelessly in love with a straight person who could never love you back.

[probably not what you were expecting from a simple ask, anon but oh well.]

okay so, doyle was totally paris' beard.

but I've never considered it the other way around. and now I can totally see that, anon.

the two of them got along well, had common interests and were able to challenge and push each other to be and do better. they both were "safe picks" -totally plausible and rational- and, honestly, each was somebody the other could easily bring home and introduce to people.

if they couldn't have the object of their affection, they'd at least try to enjoy the ride. and the tequila.

[long-ish post]

...

"Oh, for fucks sake!" Paris shouts, dramatically throwing her phone on the nearby couch.

Startled, Doyle looks away from his laptop, concern in his eyes. "What's up, Babe?"

"She who shall not be named texted," Paris growls, "Logan is inviting us to spend the weekend in Martha's Vineyard." After a second, along with an eyeroll, she adds, "actually, Logan and she are inviting us."

Turning on his chair, Doyle finally fully focuses on his girlfriend, even though he's already sensing the breakdown coming. Whose- hard to say yet.

"Doyle, I am not gonna spend a whole weekend under the same roof with the two of them."

Ding ding ding, Paris' it is.

"Okay, Paris, calm down."

"I don't think i could survive it."

"I am pretty sure that's not true." Doyle tries to reassure her, slowly joining her on the couch.

"I-"

"Nonetheless," he cuts her off, gently squeezing her hand, "I have this very important paper that I absolutely must spend the whole weekend working on."

He smirks at her in that smartass way of his and she's just so happy they're in this together.

___

They do not go to Vineyard.

Neither does Rory because, well, she's just not gonna leave her dearest friend alone while said friend's partner spends days attached to the laptop.

...

"Seriously, I don't even know where the strength to restrain myself has come from," Doyle chuckles, taking a swing of his beer, "he was just so handsome in that stupid suit."

"I'm surprised you managed to notice him at all, considering how fucking impossibly hot Rory looked." Paris replies, sipping her second third gin tonic.

"i admit, her dress was gorgeous," the young man mumbles, already on the way to tipsy.

"Understatement of the century."

"We're hopeless." Doyle murmurs, defeated.

"Yeah." Paris simply replies, taking a swing of her drink, because they are.

---

"Screw it," the woman suddenly states, with fire in her eyes, "I'm gonna text her."

"Paris." Her boyfriend warns.

"God, I'm not gonna pour my heart into a stupid text," Paris replies, matter of factly, "but she's my closest friend; I'm allowed to text her."

"Not at-" the man looks down at his watch, "two thirty-seven on a Saturday night."

Frustrated with his rationality, she pockets the device just to avoid future temptations.

---

[3:22am] gilmore: hope you'll have a good night, Paris

[3:23am] gilmore: :*

---

[3:54am] paris: you too. x

...

"Doyle."

"Paris?"

"Doyle."

"Yes, Paris?"

"We held hands."

"What? How? When?"

"Walking back from the cafeteria. She was telling me something or the other about the dog and I had to pull her to the side or she would have full-force closely met with a bigfoot."

"That's...about right. The girl is prone to get lost in her thoughts."

"That she is. Point is, crash averted, she didn't drop my hand."

"That's-"

"Yeah."

"How are you-"

"I cannot think straight, right now."

"Paris. You're literally serving this to me on a silver tray. But I, being the awesome boyfriend that i am, will let this slide."

"I'm leaving. See you at dinner."

"Bye, Honey. Don't trip and fall on your drool."

...

"He's never gonna be interested in me, is he?" Doyle whisper, from his corner of the couch.

"Logan?"

"No, Prince William."

Lowering the fire under the boiling pot, Paris takes the few steps to join him.

"Do you need me to be realistic-Paris or supportive-Paris?"

"Is there a difference?"

"Supportive-Paris comes with a loving pat on your back."

"Yes. That."

---

"That was awkward."

"We literally regularly kiss ans hold hands."

"That's all an act. You know it's different." Doyle chuckles, slightly calmer now. "So."

"I don't think he'll ever see you that way. You nor any other man in this campus. Scratch that- planet."

"That's what I thought." He acknowledges, head falling on Paris' shoulder. "May I have another loving pat?"

"I'll bid that one up." Paris replies, affectionately.

---

Well, they're apparently getting better at this whole hugging-thing.

...

"Paris, Love, you've got a text from Doyle," a voice calls out from the bedroom, "do you want me to read it?"

"Yes, sure." Paris replies from her spot at the bathroom sink.

"It says 'don't even think about bailing on me to spend the weekend going at it like bunnies. you promised me this brunch ages ago and you've already canceled once.'" Rory manages to read, before bursting into laughter.

"Oh my god." The blonde growls, almost drowning herself with the toothpaste.

"Oops, there's more," the other girl continues reading, her voice sounding clearer with every step towards the small ensuite, "'fucking get both your asses over there in forty minutes or i'm spoilering got.'"

Gasping loudly, Paris hisses, "he would never."

Chuckling, Rory takes the final step to finally be able to meet soft, minty lips with her own. "Do you wanna find out?"

"But-- weekend." The blonde whines.

"I promise you," the other woman replies, accentuating every word with a small peck on her mouth, "I'll make it worth your while."

...

The restaurant was cozy and small, not fancy whatsoever but homey and warm -the kind of place you just want to come back to because the food is delicious, the waitstaff efficient and the crowds non-existent but for ths usual patrons.

"Samuel, this is Paris," Doyle points to his best friend who happily accepts the offered hand, "and her fiancée -and dear friend of mine-, Rory."

...

And This is how Paris finally got the girl and Doyle met a very fine young man that completely turned his world upside dow.

I mean, when you tell the story of how you and your best friend acted as each other's beards for years and they do not run, well, they're keepers.

[countessrivers]

katiesgardners replied to your post: It’s almost amazing how 5x08 presents to us people...

bruce in s5 was continuously shoved to the side for plots that no one really liked & his development as batman was stagnated entirely until like 5x10/5x11. also bruce & jeremiah both deserved more than the half-assed plot they got in 5x07 (and the lead up to it….bruce was literally handcuffed & stuck in jeremiah’s church? something could have happened with that? why are the writers the worst?) like it was set up to be the main showdown of the season but it fell flat :/

I have millions of ideas on what things they could have done to immediately improve this season.

Like if Bruce was sticking by Selina’s bedside, have Jeremiah try and draw him out. Have Jim eventually come to Bruce with evidence of the taunts and traps and bodies Jeremiah has been setting up for him, and have Bruce struggle between staying with Selina and finding Jeremiah (if they were going to erase his season 4 choice then give him another here).

Actually follow through with Dark Selina, instead of dropping it half way through. Let it push them apart, so that there’s more weight to their separation at the end of the season, where Selina has to reckon with the idea of Bruce really being gone after she pushed him away. Putting aside Selina’s increased brutality (in that like one episode), she taunts Bruce about not caring that his parents died, and she left him trapped and defenceless in a building used by Jeremiah and his followers (which, like you said, it’s insane they did nothing with that) so have him call her out on that. Let Bruce admit that she’s hurt him.

Actually give Jeremiah something to do, rather than just pop up for two minutes at the end of each episode. Have him messing with the GCPD, even if it’s just from the shadows. Leaving bodies and taunts. Stirring up trouble between the others, even if it is just to keep them distracted from the tunnel. Have their be payout for Jeremiah, Bruce and Selina over her “killing him”. Have Jeremiah take advantage of Bruce’s reaction to her murdering him somehow, instead of him faking his death for no clearly explained reason. Heck, shooting down the chopper still makes more sense for Jeremiah to have done, rather than brainwashed Ed.

Speaking of, the mind control chips were dumb and should not have happened. Either have Jeremiah blow up the chopper, or have it and the Haven bombing be done by a League operative. Same for the end of the season. Have the General just be working for Nyssa, rather than being mind controlled. It’s less of a lazy cop out that way (also, I can’t say I was here for the white washing of Ed. Like, no, he hasn’t only hurt those to hurt him first. He’s practically a serial killer who has hurt and murdered a lot of innocent people over the years, including two girlfriends).

I am firmly of the belief that the big bad should have been Jeremiah, but if they had to have Bane/Nyssa, stretch out Ace Chemicals. Have the thing with Thomas and Martha be one episode and the chemical plot/Ace be the second. It would have given them/Jeremiah more time to try and mentally manipulate Bruce, and spend time with the fake Waynes before they’re killed off screen. Let all of that have a real impact on Bruce, even as he powers through it. And when that doesn’t work, have Jeremiah turn to plan B - cutting off the city with the chemicals, and sacrificing those left until he and Bruce are the only ones remaining, until he is literally all Bruce has in the world. Then give them a proper fight in the plant, let them go at it, let us see their emotions - we get Jeremiah’s desperation, but let us really see Bruce’s anger, his feelings of betrayal, give us some Telltale Batman with a “you broke my heart” -  give Jeremiah falling more weight, however if happens. And then let Bruce react at all to any of it (because they certainly denied him that in the show)

And then things like, pepper in references to Bruce going out at night to take on the gangs, or investigate what “Walker” and the mainland are up to. Have him explicitly help people, rather than have it just be implied, and not even made explicit by dialogue.

Have Jim adopt or Lee get pregnant, rather than involve Barbara, which did nothing more than lead to a season of random pointless drama where Oswald tried to convince Barbara Jim was going to steal the baby and Barbara told Jim about the baby but then got mad when he wanted to be supportive but none of it mattered anyway because they were all fine. I mean, I didn’t hate everything about Barbara’s arc, it was rushed, but there was some good moments that I think they should have focused more on, like Barbara, reevaluating what crime and villainy and vengeance has cost her, and if it’s been worth it, given that it cost Tabitha; asking herself whether she’s become someone that people would believe could blow up a building full of innocents, and if she’s okay with that; tossing up what would be best for the child - a mother in prison, a mother on the run with other criminals, or turning over a new leaf and building something better for herself. A lot of that could have been done with or without the pregnancy, and it feels like they only did it because they thought Babs had to be named after her mother.

Explore Nyssa’s motivations more - she’s loyal to the League so she wants to destroy corrupt cities, and she’s starting with Gotham, and yes, Ra’s wanted to die, but that’s understandable, he was her father. But what are her feelings towards Bruce? Is she intrigued by what Ra’s saw in him? Is she jealous that he picked him as his heir? Give her depth.

Have Oz and Ed act like the Penguin and the Riddler. It starts off well for Oz, but then they kind of stumble. Instead of a random plot about them building a submarine and fleeing the city, have them dig in, have them stake their claim to Gotham - fight to build up their armies and their criminal empires. Make Jim and Bruce and the police fights wars on multiple fronts as they try to keep the peace, try to protect civilians, and then have them be forced together to take on the League threat. You know, rather than them waste time most of the season, then vow to be criminals at the last second, and then commit a crime off screen, 6 months later, and immediately get caught.

Even swapping the final show downs so it’s Jim v Bane and Bruce v Nyssa, given that that’s where the emotional motives are anyway. Heck, it might even have given us a nice little moment of Bruce holding baby Batgirl after he and Barbara chase of Nyssa.

And then, actually have Rogues like Freeze and Firefly and Scarecrow show up - ideally use them, as they, and Ivy, played big roles in the Year One and No Man’s Land storylines, but at the very least, let us see them. Ed too. And have Bruce go up against them.

[something-tofightfor]

The Punisher Season 2: Episodes 11-13

Initial reactions as I watched these episodes.

SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT. SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT. SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT. I literally tagged it four different ways for spoilers so if you read them after this it’s your own damn fault. 

11: The Abyss Frank covered in blood and nearly dead and handcuffed.... stop me if you’ve heard this before Two person rescue mission at the hospital Amy seems concerned. Curtis is about done with Frank’s shit John. I think your wife is dead...nevermind. She is dead. Yikes. So this is all for nothing. FUCKING KAREN KAREN Karen is fucking heeeeeeeere K A R E N SHE IS NOT LETTING ANYONE KEEP HER FROM FRANK IVE BEEN WAITING THIS IS ALL IN CAPS BUT HOLY HELL THIS IS EVERYTHING But what the fuck is she wearing a cape LOOK AT HER FRANK how do you feel about him Karen FUCKING SAY IT SAY IT YOU GODDAMN ASSHOLES JUST FUCKING ADMIT IT Madani is so obsessed with this. I don’t think frank killed those women. I think they were already dead and billy had a plan to make him think that he did. And it’s working IM SO SICK OF THESE DEAD WIFE FLASHBACKS THEYRE HOLDING HANDS I REPEAT HOLDING HANDS All frank wanted was a family and to be done... my heart is aching. Frank talking about his kids oh my god Straight into “i would have killed anything that got in my way” Lmfao everyone is in this room - WHAT THE FUUUUUUUCK RING RING ITS BILLY FUCK OFF KRISTA what I’m trying to figure out is why Krista is helping him - what is her motive? I was right. Frank didn’t kill them. I’m going to blame it all on this bitch because I don’t like her. She keeps saying “for us”... what is this us? Doesn’t she understand that Billy won’t leave? He wants the things that he’s worked for... not just her... or maybe not her at all. He says she makes him happy... but I don’t buy it. She’s saying all of the right things... but she doesn’t mean them. This.... im.... just... hmm. Time is running out for Billy to redeem himself. Ed is my favorite character. HERE COMES THE KRISTA BACK STORY spill all the details now because i hate you you dumb bitch BILLY DID NOT SAY US. He said we- but not us. NO NO NO NO you don’t love him. YEAH BITCH WHO WAS KM oh shit she has daddy issues. Everything makes sense now. Her father tried to kill her and threw her out a goddamn window... ok. So she fucking becomes a therapist and bangs her patient to get closure from the fact that her father tried to kill her. .................. Jesus Martha Kent, calm down. This dude is bad news. God at least take a selfie with frank AMY HOLY HELL LISTEN TO KAREN OH MY GOD HERE IT COMES DAMN STRAIGHT SHE WILL THROW EVERYTHING AWAY FOR YOU FRANK CASTLE “you cannot keep loving people in your dreams” FUCK OFF AMY JESUS CHRIST FUCK ALL THE FUCKING WAY OFF YOU DUMB LITTLE BRAT Frank castle in full police uniform FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF all he wanted were her shoes 🤣 oh, Ed Goddammit Brett

12: Collision Course Brett is a shit driver Another Manson song... hmmmmmmmm Oh yikes that’s an ambulance crash if I’ve ever seen one Brett doesn’t look so good Well that’s one way to fix a dislocated shoulder there frank Holy god supporting a grown ass man on a fucked shoulder “BR 143/24” graffiti on the bridge.... wonder if it’s just coincidence but it’s the only thing on the wall so i don’t think it is Good choice Brett Well fuck Pilgrim is going to Madani’s house BILLY RUSSO IS NOT GOING TO RUN OFF WITH YOU FUCKING KRISTA if this isn’t a long con on his part, I’m going to be fucking pissed. He didn’t say “i promise” and you lied to him. Don’t lie to billy Billy may be mentally unstable but Krista is ILL. Why is she calling Madani?!? She’s too fucking detactched MADANI SEE FUCKING PAST YOUR OWN NOSE FOR ONE SECOND AND FIGURE THIS OUT wait i think she just did Also.... Krista’s going to fucking make billy think frank is coming after her even though he isn’t... this is going to be messy as hell Nevermind... he went to the trailer. SHIT SHIT SHIT POOR CURTIS Well Curtis only has one kneecap? Soooooooo Oh look it’s Amy ruining every fucking thing again I GASPED OUT LOUD DURING THIS CURTIS FIGHT poor dude BITCH BILLY LIED TO YOU HES NOT GOING TO GET THE PAPERWORK dammit nevermind he did. Shit. Are you really planning on running off with this bitch, Billy Russo ?! The fuck?! Well Curtis is still alive Oh and frank kidnapped someone, ok cool Billy can’t just fucking let frank go, right? Like............. Back to the Russians again. It’s his dad, Frank. Let me save you some trouble. I believe him. I think he really didn’t know that anything was being done. An honest senator?!? I thought that buckshot was pomegranate seeds for a minute Are you actually going to shoot him, Amy? Madani is at Krista’s door - calling it BINGO Is Krista going to fucking hit madani with this teapot? Billy is buying her flowers?! Madani playing Krista... this I like. I hope billy walks in this goddamn door SHE FOUND THE JOURNAL. She KNOWS HOLY SHIT SHE STABBED HER WITH SCISSORS Battle of Billy’s Bitches OH MY GOD HOLY FUCK MADANI PUSHED HER OUT A FUCKING WINDOW Billy had something taken away from him yet again. This is.... not going to end well. He’s gonna think it was frank. FUCK. WOW HOLY FUCK.

13: The Whirlwind Billy, as assumed is not happy. “You had to make it about her” uh, yeah.... it’s always been about that fucking psychopath therapist That’s not the end of Billy Russo.  it cant be. FaceTime With Frank™️ Bitch that is CLEARLY a threat Amy’s room service? Except she’s hiding around the corner This kid’s name is LEMMUEL?!!? “He came after me” BITCH YOU THREW HIS GIRLFRIEND OUT A WINDOW OF COURSE HE CAME FOR YOU holy crap, madani’s done?!? WRONG ROOM FRANK Putting lots of holes in the wall and OH HELLO FRANK IS GOING RIGHT THROUGH IT Shit look at Amy again screwing everything up Frank has bad luck with elevators in hotels He fights best when he is cornered Omg billy getting operated on by a drunk... Jesus. .... If he dies on this operating table .... NO ANESTHESIA JESUS CHRIST BILLY so much goddamn pain .... GET THE FUCKING BULLETS OUT DOCTOR DRUNKARD. COME THE FUCK ON. HES NOT DEAD They sure did, David. Oh my god. This doctor threw him in a fucking dumpster Fuck fuck fuck fuck Amy trying to talk sense into John.... ok, sure Jan. PEOPLE NEVER CHANGE Who are you meeting Brett? Oh. Curtis and David. Doing the right thing could have fucked over Frank, Curtis. THINK ABOUT THAT. He played the family card. Fuck off John Pilgrim. If i had a dollar for every time frank told someone to point a weapon at him.... OUCH, Frank’s face. Aaaand there it goes through some glass and chains.... Jesus These two men can barely stand WHERE THE FUCK IS BILLY frank’s got a giant pipe . Didn’t Daredevil wrap chains around his arm too? THIS IS EMBARRASSING FRANK GET IT TOGETHER there you go, with the oxygen tank Asking for leniency for his kids with his last breath... damn “You’re the whirlwind” FUCKING CURTIS IS BILLY IN YOUR ROOM AGAIN no. Fucking Billy. Oh lord. GO BE WITH HIM CURTIS JESUS PLEASE “I don’t want to die alone” Dinah and Krista again.... FML You don’t love him, girl, i promise And he’s not coming from you FRANK . . . . . Fucking hell. Jesus. No redemption. He died alone and scared and sad and in pain. Fucking hell. .... keep the lies going Curtis and Madani. End of story. Bye Eliza. BYEEEEEE. WAIT WHAT HE LET PILGRIM LIVE?!? Well, i guess it’s nice that Frank has something to care about. Too bad I feel nothing for Amy. Still. What the fuck do you want Madani? She’s with the CIA now?!!? LAST FUCKING SCENE. Daaaaaaamn.

[sirrobin126]

This is going to be long as hell. 

Okay, so ages ago @thiievesandbeggars​ gave me a massive ship hc ask meme thing and I’ve finally done it, after adding bits and pieces every so often while I was studying. Most of it is going to be under a cut because it is, honestly, hella long.

Also, yeah its for Mionel in case you somehow didn’t guess that already.

Affection:

Who likes to cuddle?

Martha’s a very affectionate person and quite a touchy person. She doesn’t hide that or hold herself back when she cares for someone. Lionel is…new…to the concept of selflessly giving physical affection that leaves him vulnerable. That being said, although he doesn’t initiate cuddles to begin with, he is very into them when they happen. Martha can often find herself glancing at the clock on the wall and like half-regretting starting a Lionel hug when she had things to do that day. But she never really regrets it because he hugs like he hasn’t touched another person in years, even if they were together that morning. Martha swears up and down she saw him wipe a tear away once after an extended cuddle period but Lionel insists he just had a bit of kryptonite in his eye.

Who is the little spoon?

Martha, she is little and likes being the little spoon. She was used to it with Jonathan, who of course was a big strong loving protector man, and she just feels safe and comforted that way. I wanted to be cheeky and say Lionel, but I feel like he’s just too into looking at Martha, too set on protecting her from the outside world, and too uncomfortable being that vulnerable to turn his back on her.  

Who struggles to keep their hands to themself?  

Look, from the very moment they decided that maybe they could become a thing, and Martha indicated that she was open to a real relationship with him Lionel had to physically restrain himself from immediately pulling her close to him and kissing her like the world was ending. Every so often when they’re together Lionel will just get this wave of, ‘this is her, she’s here, there she is!’ and if they’re somewhere where it’s not ideal to start making out he will be in a state of absolute suffering and hold her hand, or touch her waist or trace his finger over her shoulders, because, there she is, with him.

Who gets naughty in the most inappropriate of places?

I mean, Lionel is a very dirty old man, with a very varied sexual history, and a very skewed sense of “the appropriate” (see: naked at work and fucking Lex’s girlfriend). He wouldn’t do anything that made Martha uncomfortable, but he does linger at the boundaries of acceptable behaviour.

How long can they cuddle until one becomes uncomfortable?

Like I said, a Lionel cuddle is difficult to start, and even more difficult to end. He’s not like, good, at judging how regular humans interact with each other, and he is not great at being a reasonable person. It’s fine when they’re sitting on the couch both reading or whatever and cuddling, but it’s not quite as fine when Martha has to get to the farmer’s market in five minutes but she just heard Lionel calmly exhale and felt his shoulders drop in relaxation which he never does and damn that’s nice but also if I don’t leave right now Helen McGregor is going to get to those good Rutabagas and take them all like she always does.

Who gives the most kisses?

They both like to, but if we’re talking not necessarily sexual kisses, its Martha. She kisses when she sees him. She kisses when she leaves. She kisses when she has to get up and go to another room. She kisses when she just feels a swell of affection or emotion come over her. Lionel loves this, because its not like she’s trying to get anything from him, or trying to make him do anything, she was just doing something and thought she’d let him know that she cares about him and then move on. Its not a super familiar feeling for him so he is disproportionally charmed by it.

What is their favourite non-sexual activity?

Probably discussing life philosophies and morality, or at least, that’s what they seem to spend a lot of time doing. They also like going to the theatre (Martha likes musicals, Lionel likes the opera, and they’ll both watch plays quite happily). Also book club. (Their book club is only the two of them, they alternate who gets to choose the book, they have a lot of variety)

Where is their favourite place to cuddle?

I wanna be cheesy and say the garden where they had that first convo but like, if Lionel has the choice between being outside and not being outside, he will choose the latter. So, I imagine they’ve set up a joint study for them both so they can both work on their individual stuff and still be together, and there’s like a bookcase and a nice couch where they can sit when they’re not working.

Who is more likely to playfully grope the other?

Lionel. Although, I don’t know if playful is always the right word to describe it. Cause that implies that its just a joke, and while he may play it off like that, if Martha took him up on it he would be immediately dtf, like just, on a moment’s notice.

How often do they get time to themselves?

Not often, which is why they have to find spaces they can be in. They both have jobs that are really intense on their time, although Lionel has a bit more freedom in that regard because he can choose to take days off at a time if he wants (and go stalk a teenager to find out what they know about aliens). But even though they’re officially a thing now, Lionel still keeps a little bit of distance from her working life to avoid giving her detractors any more ammunition to throw at her about being in the pocket of big business, which, is so absolutely not true that it’s laughable. Martha may try to find compromises and may treat business v politely, but if they tried to manipulate her into going against the people’s best interest she would shut that shit down quick smart. If anything, big business (Lionel) is subject to her demands way more. But, she’s concerned about what they would say, so Lionel doesn’t turn up to her work anymore than anyone else’s spouses (despite his natural tendency to butt in and interfere everywhere he can).

Family:

Do your muses plan on having children/or have children?

No. No, no. Even though they’re a pairing of the man who can’t help but have children, and the woman who wants to adopt every sad looking child that walks past her, they’re both past the point where they can spend another eighteen years raising a child. Also they have very different ideas on what having children is for, you know: love and support vs power struggles and passing on a legacy.

If so, how many children do your muses want/have?

Martha has one, Lionel has had four that we know of.

Who is the favorite parent?

Martha is everyone’s favourite parent. I mean, come on.

Who is the authoritative parent?

Authoritative or authoritarian?

Who is more likely to allow the children to have a day off school?

Martha is tough but fair int his department, she’ll always want Clark to go to school, but she will take into account how tough things can be for him sometimes and cut him some slack. Lionel is more of the Spartan method, if you can sneak out of school and not get caught, go for it, excellent. If you get caught though, he won’t swoop into to save you unless it going to negatively affect the Luthor reputation.

Who lets the children indulge in sweets and junk food when the other isn’t around?

Martha isn’t constantly baking for nothing you know.

Who turns up to extra curricular activities to support their children?

Support or brag? Lionel turns up to Lex’s chess matches the same way Lucius turns up to Draco’s quidditch. Because he thinks he has some skill at it and wants to reap the benefits of that in a place where he can be recognised for his son’s achievements. He’s a bad dad.

Who goes to parent teacher interviews?

I mean Lionel went to them but goddamn, someone trying to tell him how to raise his kids? That did not go down very well. He did listen though in case there was anything there he needed to throw back in Lex’s face when he was thirty during an unrelated argument. He is not a good father.

During middle school, Martha of course was like, deep in the pta, and she ooooowns the fucking bake sale/school fete. Alice from down the road tried to take the crown a few years into Martha’s rule. This would have been fine with Martha if Alice had been nice about it when she decided that she was going to take care of the bulk of the organising and give Martha “a little stall for your cookies and things”. But Alice wasn’t nice about it, and Alice hadn’t communicated with her and had ignored Martha’s further questions. So it just couldn’t be helped that Martha made her stall bigger than the allotted space, because her question about space was never answered. She couldn’t help if it was decorated to the nines, more than any other stall (Jonathan spent a sleepless night glueing, and hammering and painting the stall’s wooden beams). She couldn’t help if she baked her fucking ass off and made confectionary creations the population of Smallville had never even heard of. She also couldn’t help that when she arrived at the fete, Alice’s organisation skills were poorer than average and Martha happened to have on speed dial every bouncy castle, entertainer and activity provider, with whom she already had a good relationship. She couldn’t help that everyone referred it to as Martha’s event. She couldn’t help that Alice was so embarrassed that she didn’t even show her face at the next pta meeting and meekly accepted whatever job Martha deigned to give to her the next year, which Martha gave her with a polite smile and excellent line of communication of course.

Martha later told Lionel that story when they were working together, as a metaphor for a business thing she was trying to argue with him about. Martha was a little embarrassed of it when telling it, but Lionel had to be excused after hearing how Martha absolutely destroyed her competitor and could be found running cold water over his face in his private bathroom before he could even think about facing her again.

Disagreements:

Who is more likely to raise their voice?

Lionel is the more dramatic and emotional one so obvs him, when like, the mildest inconvenience happens to him, he stubs his toe and threatens the doorframe. But when Martha raises her voice, shit’s gotten real, and you best go over exactly what you’ve done to push her to the edge.

Who threatens to leave but never actually does?

Lionel’s not usually one for empty threats but goddamn he knows nothing better is ever going to happen in his life than Martha Kent. He’ll bluster and give his speeches and talk about how his philosophical point of view is right and correct and other opinions?? Never heard of them?? and he’ll say I might as well leave but he doesn’t even touch the door handle.  

Who actually keeps their word and leaves?

Martha. She’s not one to go over the top, she’s not one to overreact, so if she says she’s going to leave, things have probably reached a real breaking point. She’s probably thought it all out and considered it inside before you ever hear about it.

Who trashes the house?

Depends whose house they’re at, neither of them would trash the others stuff. I can see Lionel’s office just littered with paper and shit that he’s torn up in frustration. But Martha’s more likely to turn to the oven and angrily bake for about 24 hours until she calms down so the house is just covered in passive aggressive cupcakes that Lionel won’t eat out of spite.

How often do they argue/disagree?

Not actually that often. The points I made above are honestly rare cases with them. Like, when it comes to bickering then yeah, all the time, you can’t have two such different people, who are also very clever, together, and not expect half their conversations to be a debate of some kind. But those kinds of debates are playful, they’re not the end of the world and they’re also littered with Lionel making puppy dog eyes at Martha that she won’t concede his point and Martha loudly wondering how a man who is so smart can be so goddamn stubborn and single-minded. If it’s something important that Martha feels strongly about then Lionel will usually defer to her opinion and do his best to fight for whatever it is she wants, but Lionel’s an opinionated guy too so when their fundamental views of the world clash that’s when there are teething problems.  

Who is the first to apologise?

Martha is the first to apologise if she thinks he was really hurt by the things she said. Lionel is the first to apologise if he’s had a little time to let her viewpoint sit with him and he’s come around to it. Which is a privilege he bestows on Martha and Martha alone. He’s never apologised first to anyone else in his life unless he had a motive behind it. Lionel also apologises biggest and with flowers, whereas Martha’s is more of a frank face-to-face thing that acknowledges his feelings but doesn’t budge on her beliefs. Lionel would rather forget the whole argument and move along without getting into it.

Sex:

Who is on top? Who is on the bottom?

Bold of you to assume either of them would limit themselves to one position or the other. If you asked Lionel he’d say he was a top, if you asked Martha she would tell you that it was a very inappropriate question and she wasn’t going to answer. In her head she would say top as well. In reality they do much more sharing of both positions.

Who has the strangest desires?

Look, the strangest desire between either of them is that Martha looked at a smarmy, arrogant, casually ruthless, workaholic mess of a man who had done his level best to build his company at the explicit detriment of her town and neighbours and still went “Oh fuck, he’s hot.”

Any kinks?

Have you see Lionel? You take one look at that man and tell me he doesn’t deserve to be kinkshamed just for the general way he is. Lionel has both a praise kink and a love of being threatened. He likes a bit of ruffage, he likes to be tied up, he likes to tie people up. He’s not averse to hair pulling, he likes potentially dangerous settings, and anything with the threat of being caught thrown into it. He’s a dirty old man.  

Who’s dominant in bed?

In general, Lionel, because he’s got that whole ‘I am the deciding factor in the events of this world and master of the universe’ thing going on that he’s pretty committed to. With a lot of partners he’s very dominant, but if you know how to play Lionel he can switch to sub so fast you get whiplash. You just have to be able to follow through with your dominance or Lionel gets very smarmy and condescending and generally becomes an arrogant nightmare to deal with. Martha and Lionel don’t play into a lot of the dominance dynamics tho, it’s not usually been Martha’s speed.  

Is head ever in the equation?

If I ever publish my fanfiction you’ll know it is.

If so, who is better at performing it?

Lionel has had, a lot, of practice.

Ever had sex in public?

Lionel definitely has. But the closest the two of them came together was when they got drunk and made out in the coat room of a very important fancy party that Martha was super nervous about. Also on Lionel’s private plane, which Martha considers public but Lionel doesn’t.

Who moans the most?

Martha is very vocal, to Lionel’s absolute delight. Lionel moans too but he’s a bit more of a talker, to the surprise of no-one ever.

Who leaves the most marks?

Martha's got longer nails, so she occasionally leaves claw marks down his back which Lionel is very into. Lionel can give hickeys like a goddamn teenager, and he’s a territorial show off, but he doesn’t do it often because he’s above that thank you very much.

Who screams the loudest?

You better believe he’s doing his absolute best at all times to make her scream.

Who is the more experienced of the two?

Come on, he’s been a serial philanderer and an absolute horndog for decades. She had flings before, but honestly, Martha’s been with the same man since she was in her early twenties.  

Do they ‘fuck’ or ‘make love’?

They would both scoff if they ever heard that question asked, and each would assume the answer to be obvious. However, for Martha, this is a lot more adventurous and wild than she’s used to so she considers it the former. For Lionel, he doesn’t usually get this intense level of intimate romantic connection during sex so he definitely considers it the latter. They think they’re on the same wavelength.

Rough or soft?

Depends what they feel like. When rough, Martha gets to play into that dangerous aura Lionel’s got going for him, when soft, Lionel gets to consider what an angel she is at least once per second.

How long do they usually last?

Hey, I’m not going to say anything, but they are getting up in years.

Is protection used?

God, you know, for a man so cautious and meticulous in his planning, so paranoid and careful, he sure does have a lot of illegitimate children.

Does it ever get boring?

No, how could it when the whole relationship always feels new. They only have a certain amount of time together, and they’ve lived without each other for so many years that every word, every feeling, every touch is as exciting as ever. Also, Lionel voice: Martha Kent is a beautiful angel and I should be shot if I ever don’t think that in her presence.

Where is the strangest place they’d have sex?

The plane was pretty strange for Martha. Lionel’s giving it a while before mentioning any other strange places he would be into. His office for one, and also he has this thing about maybe churches, but he’s not going to push it.

Sleeping:

Who snores?

Lionel used to, but he got a very expensive operation to stop that because goddamit no ones gonna think he’s not perfect all the time. Martha snores but only after she’s been drinking, something Lionel found out about the first time he had to put her to bed drunk, because she’s so tiny but she was so difficult to move and he found it equal parts hilarious and adorable.

Do they share a bed or sleep separately?

Oh my god, if you think Lionel is going to ever not sleep in the same bed as Martha when he has the opportunity then you do not know Lionel Luthor.

If they sleep together, do they cozy up together or lay far apart?

Lionel likes to think of himself as a solid oak tree, lying there while Martha curls around him, which is true, sometimes. Lionel can also be classified as a bit of clinging vine, wrapping his arms around her as they falls asleep.

Who talks in their sleep?

Lionel is really bad for it. No-one has told him that he sleep talks, which he does, badly, but usually he falls asleep after everyone else so unless you wake up before him you don’t hear it. He will mutter anything from non-sensical sentences, to entire monologues and have fights with opponents about the stupidest thing. He doesn’t know he does it, he wakes up mad at people for dream reasons but he doesn’t know that he was actually fighting them. Martha mentions it off-handedly one day that he said something funny in his sleep and Lionel is just like ??? w hat. And Martha’s like, yeah you know, you were talking about this thing. And Lionel just, fucking, goes into this spiral of have I been giving away my plans for years? What is this betrayal of my own body?

What do they wear to bed?

Well, according to the comic, Lionel defs sleeps shirtless, if not entirely naked (This is the hill I will die on). I think he sleeps in nothing but expensive silky boxers, or silk pyjama pants. I think Martha wears cute patterned pyjamas.

Are either of your muses insomniacs?

Lionel has the most trouble sleeping, but he kind of ignored that it was a problem and started to think of it as a feature of his superhuman personality. He just started kind of working instead of sleeping and called it a day. He convinced himself that he had moved beyond regular sleep patterns and went to sleep late and woke up early every day, not quite connecting it with the giant crashes he would have every so often that he would put down to substance or alcohol related reasons, not considering that the crashes happened to coincide when work was particularly stressful and big deals were getting done. This was because his stress got worse than normal during those periods and his body had to finally give up and crash. Lionel just figured it was a product of business and that it would make him stronger, because he is an idiot with no capacity for self-reflection. As he got well into his 50s, he started sleeping in more because he still had trouble falling asleep but because his business was so stable and set up he just decided that as CEO he got to have later mornings than everyone else. That allowed him to finally get the amount of sleep regular people do, and also it feeds into his superiority complex and vanity that he is allowed to do something his employees can’t.

Can sleeping pills be found by the bedside?

Martha was kind of horrified by Lionel’s terrible sleep patterns and the fact that he didn’t seem to see a problem with it, so she originally gave him some herbal remedies and tried to get him to like meditate and stuff, but when she realised that wasn’t going to work, she had him go to the doctor. So now he has a pill he can take if he’s having a particularly bad night, but they often sit untouched in Lionel’s bedside drawer because what, he’s going to sleep when he has work to do? I think not.

Who wakes up with bed hair?

Martha. It’s not like ridiculously bad, but its certainly a lot more wavy and unruly than when she combs and straightens it for the day. She doesn’t mind spending a little bit of her morning doing her hair, she doesn’t wear a lot of makeup or jewellery so doing her hair is kind of a nice morning ritual that she can spend time on now that she doesn’t have to be out in the field at a godforsaken hour anymore.

Lionel’s haircare routine happens at night, because he wants to wake up and essentially be ready to go. That wild look his hair has is actually carefully cultivated to look like that, and is helped by a humidifier he keeps in the bedroom, and the silk sheets and pillowcase he has is as much for his hair as his body. He also has a leave in conditioner and oil for his beard. Unfortunately when he has short hair it’s significantly harder to tame and so he will wake up with a few stubborn cowlicks that stick straight out from his head that he either has to leave like that or wrestle with (depending whether he is good or evil at that point)

Who wakes up first?

Martha, she’s been living on a farm for nearly forty years, and she’s got her morning “get ready and make breakfast” rituals set in. She just feels more ready to face the day when she’s had an early morning, like there are so many more hours of sunlight in which to get things done and be productive. When she sleeps in she always feels like she’s missed out on something.

Who prepares breakfast in bed for the other?

Martha was always used to making breakfast while Jonathan was setting up for the day, and she likes cooking so she continues to do it. The first time she made breakfast in bed she made two plates of food and brought them back up and they sat in bed and ate them and although Lionel winced he didn’t say anything about food that might get on the silk sheets. So she does it sometimes and every time Lionel is very thankful and charmed but also like, these are very expensive silk.

Lionel has before made a big production out of breakfast in bed tho, like on Martha’s birthday he had a very fancy breakfast made at an upscale restaurant at Metropolis and transported to Smallville and brought it up to her on an eating tray that sat on a mini-table and there was a rose on it and a very nice looking, suspiciously present, cloth napkin that went over her legs (and the silk bedsheets). The most surprising thing of all was that he managed to wake up before her and set it up. Of course, he just didn’t sleep the night before but he’s not going to tell Martha that, and anyone else who helped is sworn to secrecy. He thinks it was a perfect surprise but Martha did wake up whilst people were still downstairs and Lionel was furiously whispering trying to get everything together, but she was kind enough to pretend to be asleep and wake up astounded at Lionel’s entrance.

What is their favourite sleeping position?

Lionel is him on his back with Martha curled up next his chest. Martha’s is on her side as the little spoon, with Lionel’s arm over her.

Who hogs the sheets?

Asleep and half-asleep Martha is nowhere near as patient and considerate as awake Martha, so if she gets cold during the night she will just pull as many blankets, or a Lionel, towards her as she needs. Similarly, if she is too warm, she will have no hesitation to throw the blankets off her and either pile them on Lionel or throw them on the floor.

Do they set an alarm each night?

Martha doesn’t anymore but Lionel does, his alarm clock is a radio that plays a Metropolis news channel for him to wake up to and immediately get the latest news and information about whats going on that he will need for the business day, even on the weekends.

Can a television be found in their bedroom?

Lionel hates watching television in the living room so there’s no way he has it in his bedroom. He’s a big fucking snob and he definitely thinks he’s better than tv. He hates that there are some things he kind of likes to watch (discovered in the long hours fixing clocks and setting up charities in his guest house at the mansion). He considers these quiz shows and murder mysteries beneath him, but if Martha’s watching he’ll act like he has no choice but to sit down next to her and watch as well. The only thing he watches voluntarily are the news and maybe nature documentaries, if he’s had a few drinks. He can’t watch history or science documentaries because he just becomes the embodiment of the “i know more than you” meme. Drunk Lionel is definitely the type to talk to his tv.

He’s also the biggest hypocrite about plebeian interests because he is an internet hound. He’ll turn his nose up at people that get all their info or entertainment from the news, but you try and pry that phone out of his hand, and see what happens. He’s always checking for updates and alerts on his phone and computer.

Who has nightmares?

Martha has always had a pretty standard mix of good and bad dreams. After Jonathan died they got worse, and often it was dreams that didn’t seem like nightmares at the time. But, just at the point in the dream where she was talking with Jonathan, or they were working the farm together, or they were having their anniversary dinner and he apologised for being late, she would wake up and for a moment she would still be in the world of the dream before remembering. Every time it was like losing him over again. It was the hardest immediately after his death. Then, as time went on and she started seeing Lionel, she found that although she kept having these dreams, it wasn’t as crushing to wake up from. She started seeing it more as Jonathan still watching over her, coming to visit her while asleep, joking about whatever was going on in her life and bitching about whatever thing Lionel had just done. Martha is still torn between thinking that it’s just her subconscious finding a way to work through problems she’s having, and really believing that Jonathan has found a way to still be with her.

Who has ridiculous dreams?

Lionel’s dreams are hectic as hell. He’s always late, he’s always chasing something, and he always has shit to collect. He’s had a lot of fucked up shit happen in his life, the feelings from which he’s repressed the fuck out of, so his subconscious feeds him a cocktail of high octane emotional anxiety. However, because his brain is a dick, it associates these emotions with the most whack scenarios that Lionel will never take seriously. How exactly is he supposed to connect the guilt and fear born of real serious actions and behaviours, to the fact that in his dream he and Richard Nixon have to collect every VHS copy of Jane Fonda’s original workout series and goddamit they’re already behind schedule! He has tried to induce lucid dreaming before, so he can make use of sleep time instead of wasting it like everybody else, but part of the process included keeping a dream journal, and after the fifth time he had to write down that he tried to get Darth Vader’s autograph (despite never having seen a Star Wars film) he just got too paranoid that someone was going to read about his stupid dream cycle and somehow use it against him. He burnt the book. Lionel also doesn’t have nightmares often, his regular dreams are stressful enough, but when does they are pretty goddamn harrowing, so, on par, he’s mostly okay with the ridiculous stuff most of the time.

Who sprawls out and takes up most of the bed?

Martha is the most active sleeper. Lionel’s a bad sleep talker in the first hour of sleep and closer to when he wakes up, but for the rest of it he’s dead to the world. He has such a tough time getting to sleep that when he’s in that rem cycle he is fucking out of it. Martha is a lighter sleeper and so she’s more likely to spread out or roll over or push Lionel closer to the edge and leaving him with a little sliver of space and she’ll have most of the bed for her own even tho she’s usually right up next to Lionel and the rest of the bed is untouched territory.

Who makes the bed?

Martha, or Lionel’s cleaner. It depends whose house they’re at and whether Martha managed to get to it before the cleaner could. Martha hates making any more work for the cleaners, and anything she can do herself she does. She begrudgingly acknowledges that in a place the size of the Luthor Mansion a cleaner is probably a good idea, but she feels very bad if she’s not doing her best to do all the stuff she can to reduce the cleaner’s work. Lionel does not understand, because he’s paying for someone to perform that service and that’s their job that they’re getting paid to do. Also, he probably wouldn’t care if the bed was made or not, unless it was for like the express purpose of taking someone to bed and having the room all done up nice and impressive. Otherwise it’s like, I could be working.

What time is bed time?

For Martha, bedtime used to be 9:30pm, only now she’s has a very bad influence on her time, and her work starts later, so there’s no set bed time anymore. She and Lionel will stay up much later than they should, but can you blame them.

Who’s the grumpiest when they wake up?

Lionel, defs, he’s the grumpiest in general so the very idea of having to sleep makes him mad.

Work:

Who is the busiest?

Lionel is a workaholic with a huge number of interests and schemes that he needs to keep an eye on. He’s always got at least three things he’s actively working on in his head whenever he’s doing a single task. He also makes a habit of physically going out to places and doing things that a CEO doesn’t need to do. He could just delegate it to people while he sits in his office, but Lionel spends as much time out of the Luthorcorp building as he does in it. Martha finds her work very rewarding, and she works hard to help the people of her state and community, but she’s been around a bit now and knows the importance of a home life balance in addition to work. Lionel’s still unfamiliar with the concept.  

Who rakes in the highest income?

Look, I’m gonna give you three guesses.

Are any of your muses unemployed?

Nah, are you kidding me. Lionel goes weird if he’s not employed, boy starts fixing clocks and bringing out his multitude of very random but inexplicably mastered hobbies. Catch him in the studio painting full size realistic portraits and recording his one man jazz album as he asks you to pick a card to show off his excellent sleight of hand. Martha is also now reluctant to retire or leave her job, because she really feels like she can make a difference where she is. Also, she’s good at it.

Who takes the most sick days?

Ironically, Lionel. Like he’s the biggest workaholic and works works works forever. But he’s also an obsessive fuck who needs to take off days at a time to figure out why this teenager that his son is tangentially friends with is in a specific place and what they know about aliens. He also needs to very dramatically show up in places where people don’t expect him (when he could have easily sent an email) to complete his enigmatic image.  

Who is more likely to turn up late to work?

Lionel. He owns the company. He’s always been able to decide when turning up to the office is less important than intimidating or seducing someone somewhere else.  

Who sucks up to their boss?

;) ;) ;)

What are their jobs?

Lionel is the CEO of LuthorCorp, Martha is a Kansas State Senator

Who stresses the most?

God, they’re both stressers, Martha when she’s worrying about Clark and whether people are in danger or emotional turmoil, she’s very empathetic and cognoscente of the different things people are going through. On the other hand tho, Lionel’s body has known no moment of relaxation in his life, he gets massages not as a luxury but as a necessity or he’d snap like a brittle toffee next time someone brought him news he didn’t like.

Do your muses enjoy or despise their careers/occupations?

They enjoy them for the most part, there’s always stress and frustrations that come with it, and Lionel’s job does have an inexplicably high risk of the CEO being hurled across various rooms, but ultimately, Martha’s in a position to affect change and put her education to good and effective use, and Lionel is his own boss and has power, money and influence on his side.  

Are your muses financially stable?

They’d better hope so because Lionel is not going back to a lower Momme count on his sheets, he’s earned it dammit.

Home:

Who does the washing, takes out the trash, does the ironing?

Lionel hires a lot of people to do the jobs he doesn’t want to. Pretty much all housekeeping in the Luthor Mansion is handled by staff, to Martha’s embarrassment. Like, she understands that this is a contract and people get paid to clean and do housekeeping but she can’t stand the idea of making more work for them so she always keeps anything she’s doing at the mansion pretty tidy so as not be like Lionel and just leave things around, knowing they’ll be put straight for him. She won’t hear of him hiring anyone for the Kent farm or the place in Metropolis tho. And she has gotten him to do housework before, just by being matter of fact about it. She was baking once and noticed that the bin was full so she asked him to take out the trash like it was an everyday occurrence (you know, like regular people) and Lionel was halfway to the garbage bins outside, holding a trash bag before he stopped and was like ‘wait - I have people for this’.

Who does the cooking?

Martha is a happy baker, a stress baker, an angry baker, a bored baker, the woman likes to bake and she is damn good at it. She’s also just an excellent cook in general so she does a lot of cooking for the two of them. Of course, she doesn’t do it all the time because she has a demanding job that often causes her to stay late at the office, so Lionel’s chef also does a good part of the cooking.

Who is more likely to burn the house down just trying?

Lionel is lucky not to be banned from her kitchen without supervision. He treats cooking like a battle and the kitchen like a chemistry set. He got very pissed that cooking wasn’t something he was immediately good at, even though the first time he tried he was attempting stuff way too advanced for someone who probably hadn’t set foot in his own kitchen since 1983. After he failed the first few times he read a hell of a lot of books and did a lot of thorough research (you know, like a normal person) and made it his obsessive priority to get good. Yet, he still doesn’t have the magic touch Martha does and he won’t believe her that she just does what feels right. He could be a cordon blue chef by now and Martha ‘the recipe is more of a guideline’ Kent’s food would still come out better.

Who is messier?

Lionel, because he has the luxury of being messy and knowing that it will all be put straight by the time he comes back to it, but all his important and classified stuff is sorted and locked up of course. He’s not necessarily a naturally messy person tho, and if he didn’t have someone picking up after him he would get a lot neater quick smart because he doesn’t like living in a chaotic environment even tho he himself embodies chaos. Martha knows there is more important things in life than spending a lot of time cleaning up, and she has the patience to put things back as she uses them instead of rushing off to do something else immediately. She tries to tell Lionel its more efficient that way but he just can nOt expend those extra few seconds to clean up after a task, he has a new thing on his mind and he needs to get to it.

Who leaves their dirty clothes on the floor?

Lionel may be messy, but hell if his suits are going to pay the price for that. They’re going to be handled well and treated like the precious materials they are.

Who is the prankster around the house?

Martha, just because she can get away with it. Lionel never suspects her, she’s the one person he has a complete blind spot to when it comes to expecting tricks or betrayal, so she’s the one person who can get one over on him just by pretending to be in earnest. Of course he reacts in the most betrayed and offended fashion. One time Martha made him that fake food, like eggs and chips that actually turn out to be peach yoghurt and apples and Lionel eats it and just, gives her the most puppy dog hurt, lost expression. But Martha won’t acknowledge that it was a trick. She’ll just be like, no I just think you need to eat more fruit, even though it was obviously meant to look like eggs and chips.  She catches him playing a very sad song on the piano later when she’s in earshot.

Who loses the car keys when it comes time to go somewhere?

Martha will and then she’ll get flustered and have to retrace her steps from when she came home and then find them beside the spice rack, or under a couch cushion. She eventually finds a bowl to put her keys in and puts it on an accent table near the door so that she won’t have this problem anymore. She has to train herself to put it there everyday but soon enough it becomes routine. Lionel, who has very different connotations for sets of keys in a bowl, does a small double take every time he sees it for the first little while, he doesn’t tell Martha why. Lionel never loses his keys because he has a driver to take care of that for him.

Who mows the lawn?

Lionel has mowed the lawn exactly once. Martha made a passing comment about the classic housewife looking at the hot young gardener or pool boy trope, and Lionel kept teasing her about it. Eventually, when the latest housekeepers were on vacation, he took the opportunity to make the joke a reality and Martha sat, sipping a cocktail and laughing as Lionel, in jeans, with a flannel tied around his waist and no shirt on mowed the lawn. She enjoyed herself and he was very happy about that but mowing the lawn was the most boring experience of his life. He didn’t think to bring headphones for music or radio, and the noise was too loud to hear himself think. He just kept looking over at Martha the whole time to stop himself going haywire with the repetitive work. Martha tipped him $20.

Who answers the telephone?

Lionel is constantly getting called, and constantly answering the phone. If its not Martha’s cell, its usually safe to assume that its for Lionel, as different people are trying to reach him at different places. Martha doesn’t really like talking on the phone, she likes talking to people in person and always gets nervous something is going to get miscommunicated over phone conversations.

Who takes the longest to shower?

Are you kidding me, that man needs a hell of a lot of time to apply every cream, shampoo, conditioner, and then aftershave that he has, in the correct order, for maximum aesthetic and image. He has a waterproof radio in there and Martha bought him a set of shower pens so he would stop running out every few seconds to write something down and then getting back in. His shower set up now looks like another office, if its a waterproof shower gadget, Lionel probably has it.

Miscellaneous:

Is money a problem?

Nope. 

How many cars do they own?

Martha doesn’t know, and she doesn’t really want to know. She only needs one and if he even thinks about buying her another one she’s donating however much he’s going to spend to every charity within a fifty mile radius. Lionel has twelve. 

Do they own their home or do they rent?

They own their various places. Martha after having paid off the mortgage with Jonathan over about thirty years, Lionel just buys things when it strikes him. 

Do they live in the city or in the country? 

They move between places, because Smallville is Martha’s home base, and Lionel has a lot of history and investments in the town so they do still stay at the manor, and the farm, even though both of their jobs are based more in Metropolis, so they also spend quite a bit of time at Lionel’s apartment in the city. 

Do they enjoy their surroundings?

They’re both city kids at heart but Martha loves her home, and she feels protective and defensive about her town. 

What’s their song?

Not in-universe but: ‘Two less lonely people in the world’ (all Air Supply songs are Mionel songs, I don’t make the rules, don’t @ me)

Of course, if you actually asked them then, ’Salut d’amour’ Lionel would tell you, ‘La Fleur Que Tu M’avais Jetée’, he’d think to himself. Martha’s would be a lot less symbolic, it would be something that reminded her of a time with Lionel, something playing on the radio early on in their relationship, or song in a musical they went to see that Martha saw him enjoying and thought about how handsome he looked when smiling. 

What do they do when they’re away from each other?

Lionel pines something awful. He is insufferable to be around when Martha is out of town on business. Martha texts him all the time tho, because she likes to comment on things she sees and the people that she meets. When Lionel’s away on business he emails practically every hour, you’ve seen that man’s emails, always about five when one would do. Martha is better about the separation than Lionel, except at night. She really hates sleeping alone, whereas Lionel is really used to it so it doesn’t bother him as much. 

Where did they first meet?

So many years ago in the front of Jonathan Kent’s pick up truck. Nobody would have known it at the time, but they would both have one of the most profound impacts on the other’s life. 

How did they first meet?

In a high octane situation where both of them were worried about whether the boys in their arms would be okay.

Who spends the most money when out shopping?

Lionel has expensive taste. And he likes to buy expensive things. If there’s two versions of the same thing he wants to buy, but one is $1000 dollars more expensive, well, say hello to your new fancy toaster Mr Luthor, it has 8 toast slots and 100 settings and you’ll never use it but, by god, you own it.

Who’s more likely to flash their assets?

Is this a trick question? The man’s a compulsive show off. 

Who finds it amusing when the other trips over?

Martha. Not because she’s mean, or because she finds people hurting themselves funny. If he actually hurt himself she wouldn’t laugh. But like, it’s Lionel Luthor. He’s not supposed to trip, and if he does, he looks at the floor like its been plotting this very moment for months and he’s going to revenge himself upon it. Lets face it, that’s funny. 

Who pays the bills?

Much to Martha’s chagrin, she does have to concede that its kind of nice not to be worrying about how she’s gonna stretch the account month to month, but she doesn’t let him pay for everything, and gets very uncomfortable when he buys too expensive things. Lionel just gets frustrated that she won’t let him pay for more, he has all this money damn it, how else is supposed to show his love? Open and honest communication? Bah, unnacceptable. 

Do they have any fears for their future?

Yes, like, absolutely. They both know how quickly shit could go downhill if there isn’t someone (Clark) combatting the threats trying to take the city and town down all the time. 

Who’s more likely to surprise the other with a fancy dinner?

Lionel, by a mile. He likes doing fancy rich people things, and he’s good at showing affection via buying shit, so this is kind of like a romantic and thoughtful version of saying I love you, with money. He just likes to see her happy and treated like a queen. He would buy her a goddamn throne to sit on if he ever thought she’d accept that. 

Who uses up all of the hot water? 

One of these people is rich and has been inconsiderate for a very long time, one has not. I’ll let you work it out. (For real tho, Lionel has a back up water heater for sure)

Who’s the tallest?

Okay well this isn’t a hc, more of just a fact that Lionel is taller and Martha is tiny and its adorable. 

Who’s more likely to just randomly hop into the shower with the other?

Martha. Lionel, of course, has entered other people’s showers, but usually as he’s in the process of seducing (and probably having another illegitimate child with) them, so the first time she popped in the shower and actually started, you know, showering, he was caught off guard. Like, um, you- you know I’m in here right. He quickly understood the value of such intimacy, but he still does tend to get handsy. 

Who wanders around in their underwear?

Lbr, everyone at the Luthor mansion has seen more of Lionel than they ever should have. If he’s fixating on a thing sometimes he doesn’t get dressed before working on it, meaning that at particularly stressful times you could often walk into a room and see Lionel in just a robe and boxers (if you’re lucky), speaking orders into a phone. Of course, he wouldn’t be caught dead like that for an outsider to see, only family and staff (who all have some, probably illegal, non-disclosure agreements binding them), and he would demand to be notified immediately if the mansion was getting a visitor so he could put on a suit that costs more than their house. 

Who sings the loudest when singing along to the radio?

Martha, she’ll chuck on music as she’s working on stuff and have fun with it. Lionel doesn’t sing to the radio, but he does conduct an invisible orchestra when he’s listening to his records. 

What do they tease each other about?

Lionel teases her about her farm habits and vocab she’s picked up over the years, she teases him about how he doesn’t understand how regular people live. He teases her for how she never sees the plot twist coming in a tv show, and she teases him about how paranoid he got the time the waitress gave him his coffee and he seriously considered it might be poisoned because, and she quotes “Her smile was off, she smiled at me funny.” “Lionel stop looking at her. I can see you using your peripheral vision. Oh my god, put the cup down before they ask us to leave.”

Who is more likely to cringe at the other’s fashion sense at times?

Oh my god, Lionel has the widest fashion sense possible, any time Lionel is not dressed in a three piece suit and overcoat he is wearing something disastrous. Like, credit to the man that he found a look that both works for him and is socially appropriate in the workforce, but his non-thousand-dollar-suit fashion sense can be daggy as fuck. Like, have you seen that man not in suits? His comfortable clothes are terrible sweaters and bad pants (Pls don’t get me started on John Glover’s own terrible pants). If Lionel wasn’t oppressed by the world’s sense of what is appropriate fashion, he would be unstoppable. Flare trousers? Collars as high as they will go? Does it make me look like a dramatic fuck, check, then yes. 

Lionel is 0-100, he is either dressed to fucking destroy in suits that cost more than your house, or he looks like the middle class dopey dad from a bad 90s sitcom. And if Lionel wasn’t so concerned about how people perceive him and how his look affects other’s attitudes he would channel that instinct for thousand dollar clothes into something truly hideous and I would be living. 

Do they have mutual friends?

No, they come from a very different circle of friends. They also have very different experiences of “friends”. For one thing Martha’s friends aren’t usually considering a plot to kill her in the back of their minds when they see each other. 

Who crushed first? 

Lionel has been gone since the day he first set eyes on her, he just didn’t know it at the time.

Any alcohol or substance related problems?

Lionel drinks more than he should, and he’s done a lot of stuff during his life. He was a high flying businessman in the eighties so you do the math. He also smoked well into the nineties until he quit, not because of all the health PSAs, but because he didn’t like that his craving for a cigarette kept taking him away from work (also someone jokey said the tobacco controlled him once and that spun around in his head until he couldn’t take it). Lionel liked to do addictive things to prove to himself how strong he was when he kicked it, which was honestly playing with fire because he has a very obsessive personality but, fuck, you try and explain that logically to him. Good luck. 

LuthorCorp buildings also now have very draconian smoking rules, not because of health and safety or government requirements but because Lionel is petty and full of spite and he better not see you light up, and better not smell so much as a whiff of tobacco on you. He was presented with a conscientious business owner award from the Metropolis anti-smoking lobby which of course he accepted graciously with lots of platitudes about civic duty and moral compasses, and inwardly mocking every person applauding him. His picture hangs at their office which he enjoys immensely. 

Who is more likely to stumble home, drunk, at 3am?

That’s neither of their style really, they prefer to drink in the house rather than go anywhere. If anyone’s drunk at 3am its probably Lionel in the study with a half finished bottle of whiskey dictating his ideas for his novel into a tape recorder, or shouting the correct answers at the contestants on wheel of fortune. His novel ideas are incomprehensible, but his WoF answers are usually correct. Once he even rang into the station when the host gave a false answer and forced them to issue a correction. He had no recollection of this event the next morning. 

Who swears the most?

Lionel. I think Lionel went through a phase of being like, swearing is beneath me, it is only for those of a low and uncouth vocabulary, and I shan’t be one to use it. But then like, he just has too much anger and too much spite to be able to contain in polite words, and so I think he absolutely swears a lot to himself in private because shit goes wrong and he is not about that, but he still contained it when talking to people so they wouldn’t think he’d lost control. 

Martha had to curb any swearing in the house because she had a very fast, smart child with sensitive (if not super at that point) hearing who could pick up and parrot anything she said back at her. They never heard the end of it the day Jonathan broke his wrist fixing the barn roof and quite understandably swore black and blue. Clark ran around the house for days after, cussing up a storm and it took a concerted effort to get him to stop. 

[collecting-stories]

Magnolia V | Modern!Hvitserk

Martha and your sister get into your head and make you worry that maybe things with Hvitserk aren’t as good as they seem. And your parents are super dicks about dinner and make some rude af comments about your weight. 

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20

Despite any reservations you had about the sweater dress once you were alone, and the knowledge that you probably wouldn't actually see Hvitserk at all, you wore it to your parents anniversary dinner. Martha had teased you when you told her you were nervous going to the restaurant he worked at.  

"You shouldn’t be, with the way he looks at you when he comes in here." Martha had told you that morning, after Hvitserk had left. He still came in for his regular morning routine, though this time he stole kisses from you over the counter while you waited on him.  

"Yeah but we're not like boyfriend/girlfriend yet or anything I think." One date that was just pizza at your place didn’t seem like enough to qualify you and Hvitserk as 'together'.

"Oh my god, please rejoin us in 2018. That shit is for kids. He's totally into you, there's nothing to worry about."  

"Yeah but what if," you paused to wait on a customer, turning back to Martha to whisper the end of your sentence, "what if I see him? Do I say hi, do I introduce him to my family? Do I pretend I don't see him?"

"Just say hi...you don't have to introduce him. It's not like a serious relationship or anything."  

"I don't know...I guess it's not? What if it isn't? What if he's seeing other girls too?" You asked, "I mean, I'm sure he pulls all the time. What if he's on like tinder or match or something going on dates and I'm just like, another random date hook-up?"

"Wait. Have you guys hooked up?" Martha asked.

"Excuse me!" Her customer interjected, annoyed with being ignored.

"You owe 13.34." She replied, then looked back to you as they slid their card. "did you have sex with him?"

"Not like...sex exactly. Just like..."  

"Oh my god!" Martha squealed. "Oh my god, I'm so proud of you!"  

"Martha." You glared at her, embarrassed.  

"What? It's a big step. Just be casual. Say hi if you do see him but don't stress if you don't. And you definitely don’t have to introduce him to your family." Martha reiterated, "don't introduce him to your mum."

You nodded your head and tried to focus on restocking the trays of cookies in the display window.  

"What's the matter?"

"What if he is seeing other girls too?" You asked.

"It's okay, some people do. I always have a backup." Martha shrugged.

The sweater dress looked just as good on you tonight as it had the other night when Hvitserk was over but the confidence was less. You couldn't stop thinking about what Martha had said. She always dated a few guys until she knew things were working out with one of them. You'd only been on one date with Hvitserk and that was hardly a date. Maybe there were other girls too, that he went out with and you were being naïve thinking that you were the only one.

The thought of other girls turned into the thought of what the other girls might look like. Because your brain decided there most definitely had to be others. He was sweet and nice. Not to mention fit. Really, really fit. Maybe he flirted with people at his work or maybe he used some online thing like Martha did.  

You got to the restaurant earlier than your parents and sister, waiting outside until they arrived. You were checking your phone when someone jabbed your side, making you squeal and turn around.

"Hvitserk!" You smacked his stomach jokingly, "you scared the crap outta me."

"I couldn't resist. Told the hostess to let me know when you got there." His smile was enough to put your nagging worries at bay. He gave you a quick kiss, hands sneaking under your denim jacket to hold your waist.  

When you pulled away from the kiss you took the opportunity to steal a glance at the hostess near the door. She was pretty and thought about Martha again.  

"You okay?" Hvitserk asked, noting your change in mood.

"Hm? Just nervous about dinner. My mum's a pain." You replied. When you looked back at him you smiled and stole a kiss.  

"So I was thinking, I have off tomorrow night and there's a dog park a couple blocks away we could take Nesbitt to?" He asked hopefully.

"I know where it is, there's a food truck near there-"

"The one with the Cantonese food?" He finished and you laughed.  

"Yeah, yeah, the Cantonese food one." You replied.

With one more, quick kiss Hvitserk said goodbye, ducking back in to get to work. You watched him disappear from view, only turning back to the parking lot when a car horn went off. Your mum sat in the passenger's seat of the car, waving at you as your father parked. The engine was hardly off and your older sister was climbing out of the car and walking over to you.  

"We'll check in!" She called, dragging you into the restaurant with her.  

You rolled your eyes at her but said nothing as she told the hostess, who was even prettier up close, the last name for the reservation.  

"Right this way." The girl led you to a small table near the back and you realized that it was just by the kitchen. Every time a waiter came out you could see Hvitserk in the gap of the swinging door.  

"Must have known you were coming they put us the near the kitchen." Your dad teased as he came over with your mum.  

"Must've." You replied, sitting just so you could see the door. Your sister sat beside you.  

"Anna and I are doing this new diet she researched." Your mother said, reaching across the table to pat your sister's arm. "It's been going so well. You should really try it."  

"Yeah."  

Your sister was a nutritionist and a yoga instructor and your mum held her up on a pedestal because of it. The two of you had always gotten along and supported each other but it didn't stop your mum from trying to pit the two of you together. But Anna was always the favorite, because she was a lot thinner than you.  

"Mum," your sister stressed each syllable. "Can we just do dinner please?"

"What? I'm trying to be helpful, that what mums do. They're helpful." Your mum defended.  

"Thank you, mum, you're very helpful." You replied.  

The conversation quickly launched into discussion of a cruise that your mother and father were going on in the spring. They had invited Anna, who had declined because of her yoga workshop, but hadn't bothered to invite you.

You distracted yourself from the conversations by stealing glances through the kitchen door. A few times Hvitserk managed to sneak a look at the same time and once he winked. After dinner the waiter brought out a tray with dessert samples on it, placing it in the middle of your table.  

"We didn't order this." Your mum stated.  

"Compliments of the chef," the waiter replied, "it's on the house."

"Oh! How lovely!"  

"Don't but it close to her, she'll eat the whole thing." Your dad joked, pulling the tray a little away from you.  

Your sister rolled her eyes and leaned her head on your shoulder. Just as she did the door to the kitchen swung open and you caught a glimpse of Hvitserk, who waved before the door could close again. Your sister didn't miss the exchange, or the smile on your face as the door closed.

After dinner Anna told your parents that you were driving her back to her flat and, as soon as you were alone, she turned on her interrogation.  

"Who was that guy?"  

"I don't know." You replied, shrugging your shoulders.

"Don’t know my ass, he was gorgeous."  

"He's my upstairs neighbor." It wasn’t a lie really, but you knew what a gossip your sister was and you didn't want her telling your mom you were kinda seeing someone. Especially if Martha was right and it wasn’t serious and he was seeing other people.  

"Do you know if he's single?" She asked, "I might have to visit more often."

"I think he's seeing someone." You replied.  

"Not surprised, guys like that are never single."

"What do you mean?" You asked, curiosity getting the best of you.  

"Oh my god, you seriously need to get out more. Super fit guys like that? They turn on the charm and have girls lined up ready to date them. Trust me that was like...my last four boyfriends. They flirt with everyone." She replied.

"I haven't noticed. I mean, if he's flirted with me."

"I doubt it. They flirt with everyone that's their type. Not just anyone at all."  

"You think he has a type?"  

"Oh yeah," she laughed.

You were quick to change when you got home, balling up the dress and throwing it somewhere in the corner of your room. Nesbitt followed you back into the kitchen, nudging your feet to remind you that he still needed to go for a walk before you could go to bed. You plopped down on the sofa and let Nesbitt do his best impression of crawling on your lap though he was too big to fit.  

"I'll walk you in a minute Nes," you promised, scratching behind his ears and planting a kiss on his head. "We should get you a haircut soon."

When you finally got up you grabbed Nesbitt's leash from beside the door and let him out. You usually didn't leash him until you got outside the building. He usually didn’t take off running down the stairs, barking excitedly.  

"Nesbitt! You're gonna get us in trouble." You whisper-yelled after him, hurrying down the stairs after your dog.

You found him in the small vestibule, right at the mailboxes, happily yipping at Hvitserk's feet. He was still in his work uniform and happily greeted the dog by crouching down and petting him. When he stood up and saw you he excitedly opened his arms for a hug, which you gave him.  

"You alright?" He asked, placing a kiss at the side of your forehead. You didn't look as happy as usual and he was afraid something had upset you.  

"Fine, just taking Nesbitt for a walk." You replied, pulling away from him to leash the dog.  

"Can I come with?" He asked, looking hopefully at you.

You nodded and Hvitserk took your hand as Nesbitt led the way out of the vestibule. It was silent for a while, just the two of you walking and stopping occasionally on account of the dog. Hvitserk wanted to ask again if you were alright but he didn’t want to pester you if you weren't ready to talk to him. He assumed maybe it was something with your parents that was personal and you weren't at that point with him yet that you'd share.  

He walked you back to your door and gave you a kiss goodnight, promising to see you in the morning when he stopped by the bakery. You said you'd see him then but you didn't really smiled and you went back inside quicker than usual.

Once you were in bed, snuggled under the covers, you tried to think about how sweet Hvitserk was to you but all you could remember was what Martha and Anna said. It was silly to worry over, it wasn't like you and him were too serious yet, but you felt restless laying there afraid that maybe he was only killing time with you.  

taglist: @breathlesssouls @thinkingsofamadwoman @oddsnendsfanfics @danyodonoghues 

[mothermaidenclone-blog]

Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle or Perhaps Not Such a Curse After All

I wrestled with whether or not to write about Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle - as it’s primarily about a curse, my heart told me that it’s a horror/fantasy, whilst the tone is obviously action/comedy, but the main plot point is that four teenagers get sucked into a video game, so here we go. Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle falls into that wonderful category of films I had subterraneanly low expectations for, that I went to see because there was nothing else on that week, but actually it ended up being pretty fun.

*Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle spoilers follow*

The women in Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle didn’t start off on the best foot. The first female character we see is Spencer’s Mum (Marin Hinkle), a paranoid, overprotective germaphobe. However, she is followed by Fridge’s Mum (Tracey Bonner) who seems to be a better example of a parent, firm but wanting the best for her son. Then we met Bethany (Madison Iseman), who is first seen agonising over the perfect, completely artificial selfie for Instagram. She is shown to be a social media addicted narcissist with very little empathy, who is obsessed with being noticed by a boy. The next character we meet is Martha (Morgan Turner), who is portrayed as a somewhat belligerent and self-important nerd, belittling her P.E. teacher’s life choices and becoming immediately confrontational with Bethany.

After this poor introduction, the girls quite quickly become amazing. They have a brief clash in which they point out each other’s flaws, but they honestly own up to them and work together from that point on. In contrast, the boys - Spencer (Alex Wolff) and Fridge (Ser’Darius Blain) - bicker continually, with Fridge actually pushing Spencer off a cliff at one point. Whilst they do make up eventually, I don’t think Fridge ever apologises to Spencer for saying it was his fault he got kicked off the team, when all Spencer did was white essays for him. So against this backdrop, the girls go from strength to strength. Martha agrees to go wildly out of her comfort zone for the sake of the team, and Bethany does what she can to help her. Bethany is continually supportive, defending Martha’s attempts from the boys’ criticism, “She’s never flirted before, give her a break,” and welcoming Martha back with wild praise, “You should be giving me lessons in kicking ass, give me a hug girlfriend!” This female support network is not something I was expecting to see in a dumb action movie.

Bethany’s character continues to develop extraordinarily, with her becoming willing to jeopardise herself to save her friends. She does not capitulate when captured and literally gives some of her in-game life to save fellow trapped teen, Alex (Mason Guccione), playing the character of Jefferson “Seaplane” McDonough (Nick Jonas). The latter is almost certainly because she fancies him, but as she does not know what he looks like in real life, this is still a progression from the image-obsessed Bethany we meet at the start.

Speaking of crushes, Martha does end up snogging Spencer, but I’m not too offended by the romance elements in Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle, as Martha isn’t really ending the film any less independent than she was at the start, as all that was professed was, “like like”. Also, teenagers are, scientifically speaking, the horniest people on the planet, so it makes sense really.

Within the game itself, Martha’s avatar, Ruby Roundhouse (Karen Gillan), is the only character with a female body. As the vast majority of the film is set within this video game, this means that we only see one woman for a very long time. Her costume is ridiculous, which Martha immediately calls out, “Why am I wearing half a shirt and short shorts in a jungle?” Apparently, this is a homage to Lara Croft, but a pastiche and the character saying out loud that it’s bad doesn’t really make it any more acceptable. Ruby Roundhouse is exceptionally athletically capable and skilled in combat, but also possesses Martha’s intellect. Her first death is somewhat disappointing and seems arbitrary - she is shot off camera somewhere and dies suddenly of her wounds. However, she brings about her second death intentionally, using the knowledge of the in-game mechanics to willingly sacrifice one of her lives but ultimately save the day. Which was great, because when I saw her surrounded by snakes I was steeling myself for a gross, phallic, swarm death.

Ruby is the only physical female presence in the game because Bethany inhabits a male avatar, Professor Sheldon “Shelly” Oberon (Jack Black). I thought this was going to be a set up for Jack Black squealing about broken nails all the time, but I was pleasantly surprised. First of all, he played a teenage girl excellently and secondly, the film did actually address what it would be like for a girl to inhabit the body of a man. There was an extended scene where Bethany had to be taught how to pee, with her exclaiming in delight, “This is so much easier!” and in another instance she got an erection after hugging Alex, to which she responds, “Oh my god! These things are crazy!” As the physical signs of female arousal are so much more subtle than a man’s, I feel like it’s hardly ever acknowledged in cinema that teenage girls experience sexual lust as well as romantic love, whereas you can’t move in a coming-of-age comedy for boner jokes. So even though a male proxy was used, it was good to see a somewhat normalisation of female teenage sexual feelings. In all these circumstances, the boys were quite embarrassed, being obviously reticent about discussing it, whereas Bethany was very open, both in asking for the help she needed and just revelling in the experience. I can put together a small slideshow in my mind of body swaps where male characters instantly grab their new boobs and stare down their tops at their cleavages, but can’t conjure too many examples of the alternative, so thanks for this Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle.

Overall, the female characters in Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle really develop; they become not only better people but better friends, in a way that the boys just don’t. They achieve this through a combination of honesty and teamwork that I really wasn’t expecting. This being said, Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle is still a very, very stupid film. Fun, but super dumb.

And now for some asides:

I love the idea of respawning in a game giving your enemy an advantage, like when Fridge fell thought the bazaar roof, allowing the bad bird to see in. I think death being punished by physical, negative changes in your environment could be a cool mechanic.

When they turned from the torch-lit path I really thought they were going to attempt to reach their goal the same way that I do in every Bethesda game, by going stubbornly sideways up a mountain.

I related to an awkward, auburn-haired geek girl being shitty about having to do P.E. so much, except I would never have had the guts to actually confront a teacher, I would have just drawn rude comics about them behind their backs.                                                                                                                                                                    

[genuinerio]

The fact that Martha will forever be River’s biggest heartbreak hurts so bad especially since I highly doubt that she wanted to have to break up with him as she still was so in love with him and him with not wanting their relationship to have to end and didn’t want to lose her. Him abusing drugs and alcohol to cope with their break up will forever be so heartbreaking.

Rare photo of Martha Plimpton and River at the American Cinematheque Award Honoring Steven Spielberg, Los Angeles, April 1st, 1989

[asalegend]

Note to self.

This is a note to myself. About her. About Martha. God Damn, it hurts. Y'all have no idea. Let me tell you this story from the beginning dumb ass. So that when you do doubt it, you remember everything. You met Martha in March, while all that’s dumb shit down there with Mel and natalie and even Naomi was going on. And you liked her since then. There was something about it and you just didnt know what it was. And she liked you, and you knew it after that day she kissed you goodbye. And from there it happened. You took her to the movies and for ice cream. Then you took her for wings 3 days later on was an actual date, where you both knew you were interested and you both were already invested. And it was super fun, and amazing ( side note, she fucked some random dude that night after she told you she was Home and asleep… But you found that out later) and thats how it went. On september 23rd, y'all had a real ass date, and you lost your virginity to her, and that might not sound important now, vut remember that it was super important to you Then. Remember that she told you she would only be with you exclusively if you had sex with her, even though you were technically a couple. Dont you ever forget that she literally, fucken forced you to have sex. That she threatened with pretty much cheating on you .Then she spend 3 days living with you at home while your family was out. And You both had a huge fight about Monica, and what she meant to you. And she wanted to break up with you, and incase your worthless ass forgot. You got on your knees and begged her to stay, and you told her you would never lie to her again. And guess what bro, you didnt. Not about important stuff. Not about being loyal to her. Not about how much you fucken loved her, and I’m proud of you for that, and you should be too. And remember that same fucken night, some girl text you. Asking your for dick pics and sending you fucken pictures so you’d go fuck her. And yeah nigga you were tempted as fuck, and yeah nigga you texted back. But then it hit you, the time you had just spent with Martha, and how amazing that felt. And how incredible she was with you. And you sent that bitch a text that said you had a girlfriend, and you loved her (even if you hadnt told her yet) the next weekend, was pricillas birthday/Halloween, y'all went out to tipsy, and Martha got fucken hammered. So hammered that she couldnt go home. So you called your mom and begged her to let Martha stay. You told her youd sleep on the couch or whatever. And that night, Martha told you how much she loved you, and how by not telling her you love her you were hurting her. And you realized what your fear had done to you, so you decided to deal with it. You both fell asleep and that morning you looked at her and said “Martha, tu eres mi Amor…. Te amo mi Vida” and you meant it. You meant it more that you meant it when you said it to larissa or Naomi. And things were going good, you had broken up with her over dumb shit, but the next day you were back together. And you realized that you were in a real relationship, so you became and adult about it. But she always held that against you, even if she had broken up with you because you lent her 20 bucks and was petty. Then one day, while you were in the car and she was having a panic attack she took it out on you. She told you that She could cheat on you whenever she wanted, she bragged about all the guys who hit her up, and how she could fuck one whenever. She told you that you would never fucken know if She did it too( she knew since day one…, what Naomi and larissa had done to you)…. She made you shake in fear, she made you beg her never to cheat…. She broke you emotionally… Then laughed and said to never break up with her over dumb shit again…. She thought it was a joke…. Exploiting your fears and insecurities. Then, it was holiday time… And terry slammed you with hours cause you were kicking ass… And she was slammed with hours… And you started to notice how much she like jose…. How she always said he was super cute and how shed get weak in the knees…. And you tried explaing to her that stuff was avout to get tough. You were working 22 hours a week at pho. 30 at LC and going to 4 classes in the mornings…. And she was working 40+ and getting out at 10pm. You didnt have time to work out or anything. And what little time you had, you gave to her, and all she wanted… It seemed was sex… But you were tired… Your were stressed…. You were exhausted…. And uncomfortable with how much she Needed it… You wanted a hug and she just wanted to fuck. So, you were going soft…. And she made fun of you because if it…. And she made it worse. Then, the second week of December she went with you to the lc party… And you never loved her more. You bought matching sweaters, and you were so deeply inlove with her, you thanked god ever day for blessing you with her in your fucken life… And a few days later, she went to her party, wearing your sweater. She told you “nilda said no couple baby, sunny is gonna give me a ride back, I wont drink ok” and you dropped her off… And you we’re worried… You could feel something was wrong… Very wrong…, you didn’t sleep that night, and she kept sending you pictures…. Telling you what she was doing… And the next day, she showed up at work, that moring she told you she left her phone in Jose’s car…. But, you thought sunny was giving her a ride. And that day she fought with you, and complained and tried pushing you to leave her…. And you could feel it in you soul that she did something…. Then you kept going. But things were different… She didnt care about you the same anymore… Fast forward past xmas (which was amazing tbh, she spent it with you and gave you great presents.., and you gave her everything she wanted) and your taking off xmas lights. Martha is complaining about how she’s itch and had a rash. Then has sex with you like its nothing( btw, her and jose were still besties here. Dont forget that)….. A few days later, you get a call to work, its her crying… She has hpv… (She knew that rash wasnt normal…. Yet, she still did it with you) and there goes your life…. 3 days later, its your birthday.you have an incredible time at LC, and when you pick her up she looks amazing, and she gives you a big gift she made, the basket…. And it almost made you cry… Because it was beautiful… And she got fucked up at your party….she insulted your mother and embarrassed you infront of your friends… But that wasnt the worst part… That night, you laid her down to bed and you saw her phone. And you knew…. You knew you had to check it, your heart was screaming it….. And whatd you find out…. She cheated on you… Tge night of her party, she fucked jose. And she was bragging about it to alex, she even sent her pictures of him and went off about how good it felt, how many times she came how big (or small in this case… That’s the only win you got that night) he was. And you woke her up, you confonted her about it. And she got violent, she pushed you and punched your and scratched you begging you to stay… And all you felt was cold and emptiness. And you took her to work the next day and disappeared. A few days later, she had her LEEP and texted you, and you stood by her that day even though you were hurt. And she went and saw you and you both talked… And you put your pride aside and got back with her, no matter how much it fucken hurt, no matter how much your friends and family saw you suffer and tried helping you…, because you loved her. But she started to poison you, against your family. And she was selfish. But you stood by her during the hpv. You didnt leave her alone, you helped her and you helped her move her life foward, you did her taxes and helped her with school programs and her diet and everything she needed for her hpv. All while you bottled up the fact that you thought you were gonna die because she got you sick(your fine now thankfully, and the doctor cleared you and told you that it was super lucky)…. And then your family forced you to leave her, in their way. And you did, and she got violent again… But you were dying, everytime you saw her… You saw what she did… What she described to Alex…. You saw that she didnt love you…, and you left her there, the next day she left to San Antonio. You were fine for a month… Then in April she reached out to you, and you let her in. She was “different” and you went for it. But this Martha was selfish, this Martha made you do things for her, this martha tried turing you against your family. This Martha didn’t support you ever, this martha believed that it was your fault things went bad, because you told your family she cheated. She called you a coward for how you dealt with the pain she caused you. And she started tons of problems with you family through facebook…. This Martha, was the worst one…. This one… Abused your love and made you feel like the bad guy…. This Martha…. Was a monster. And then Angie came to town, and gave you the examples of how a couple fights together. Because at the moment, going to san Antonio for her birthday was going to be a huge mistake at home. You never had peace at home, and every day you fought with you family about her. And she wouldnt support you, she would leave you to burn. So you told her, you couldnt go with her for her birthday…, and she broke up with you. So you left. Until last week…. Last week, after 2 months of her texting you, you broke…. You reached out and told her how much you missed her. You explained that you were afraid to love her cause of how much she hurt you…. And she told you you were the only one still, and how much she loved you and how she only thought about you. But it was all lies dude…. She was fucking Justin, who was her best friends man and baby daddy. And she messed around with other too…. She didnt even last a month with out doing it…, and yeah, she came clean after she build you up with lies and made you hope again…. And then she broke you one more time…, the last time remember that. Because remember that you werw going to move in with her this time..,, that she was coming back to be with you…. Remember how much you were going to risk based on her lies…. Remember… That all this… Is why you cant love her.., and it’s why your not gonna send that text, or make that call…. Because this^ is enough pain… All this,.. Is not love….

[podcastmecaptain]

ars PLACEMENT: helen

part of advanced PLACEMENT: an ars PARADOXICA high school au about a gang of queer teen nerds, by @estherroberts​ , @podcastmecaptain , and @lizzieraindrops

all three of the aformentioned dorks are responsible for the hijinks found in this post. today’s, @podcastmecaptain especially. 

click here for the au masterpost | track _#ars placement_ for updates!

ALSO: things aren’t always showing up in the tags, so your most reliable bet is the aforementioned masterpost.

helen is grace incarnate.

she is human. but if god was a human, this is what she’d be.

helen is very confident in everything about herself

very aware of how she’s viewed and doesn’t act like she cares but she’ll definitely bring it up to you

probably takes a little bit more of it than she should because she has the grace of saint sebastian

and then she BITES BACK AND IT WILL SLAUGHTER YOU BECAUSE SHE WILL DO IT WITH THE VENGEANCE AND CASUALNESS OF HERA

“phenomenal woman-

that’s me.”

helen figured it out pretty early

she was one of those rare kids who transitioned really young and got a lot of support

she started hormone blockers around twelve but she was pretty much “I am a princess now.” around eight

helen’s parents are like “k so we ended up with divinity for a child, so"

HELEN’S PARENTS ADORE HER

(they pay for her transition because they’re good parents who don’t make their child pay for medical procedures)

(she supplements it with her gigs tho)

she used to be in the children’s sunday choir and the only thing she’s sad about is having to leave that group but she found a KID’S JAZZ GROUP

she still volunteers there on the weekends

she doesn’t have much of an interest in teaching in her future but she does like guiding the kids from the sidelines and demonstrating pitch and posture for them

the only time anthony’s workaholic ass has ever thought about children is when watching her with them and he gets super embarrassed about it and never brings it up

speaking of she has perfect queen’s posture and anthony slumps out of habit of bending over his notes in coffee shops and she’s always doing that thing where she pokes a knuckle into the middle of his shoulder blades to get him to jolt up straight, it’s practically a greeting at this point

helen, out of habit or affirmation, not because she thinks her parents doubt her

says “still a girl!” every time she blows her candles out on her birthday

everyone present whoops happily

on her SEVENTEENTH

YOU BET YOUR ASS SHE GIVES A KARAOKE ABBA PERFORMANCE

SHE IS THE DANCING QUEEN

YOUNG AND SWEET

ONLY SEVENTEEN

OH YEAAAH

on her eighteenth though she stands up after the candles

and announces triumphantly

“today!

I am a WOMAN!”

the resounding cheer rattles the windowpanes.

helen figures out the poly thing the latest

she is with both anthony and, of all people, and of course, june barlow

helen’s got love in spades to give

anthony, his story is further down

now, june

helen and june sip lemon spritzers by fountains and judge passerby together but helen is much more sweet about it and june is just like “look at that hunty with the denim on denim and the ‘may i speak to the manager’ haircut screeching like some kinda bug into her fucking samsung ugH”

then they talk about how men are pigs and how the IMF has failed the world

because those girlfriends are viciously anti capitalist/anti war

they hold hands while talking about dreams for the world

and also hold hands while talking about crushing those who wrong them under their heels

june is a ball of sparks and red eyes

and helen can understand a bit of this

helen is sweet and elegant and so  kind that she’ll give you more patience than you deserve

but she’s also passionately righteous. and not in the surfer dude way. the moral code of a damn justice fury.

helen has a lot of Greece in her, its in the name and in her being

if she realizes something is wrong there will be hell to pay.

helen is something else.

she is gentle and she doesn’t stop until she’s content, she won’t SIT DOWN and let someone else be responsible for the world she sees

if she wants something CHANGED she gets up and won’t be subdued until she has reached the culmination at all costs, no matter how long it takes. she doesn’t let go of something she disagrees with, won’t leave something she doesn’t like

helen is elegance but she is also a goddamn rottweiler? she will clamp her jaws on what she sees as wrong or even just disquieting and won’t let go until it’s collapsed enough that she can destroy it or fix it

and the thing is june changes that. june, angry bitter snarling june, not through sweetness or a delicate hand but through just being her, lets her accept that. okay. this is flawed. but i’m FINE with it. all things are flawed. you can let life be human, work to change it, don’t let go of your passion for compassion, but expand that compassion to include “this can breathe”

june is DEEPLY flawed. no shit. but she’s working on it constantly. she won’t change herself, she crosses line without a lot of regard, and she matches helen in having no lenience. but her response is immediate and harsh.

she lets herself have love, for quentin, for helen, for herself, to get excited and get passionate and know that EVERYTHING has something wrong with it, and you can CHANGE that but you will wind up making mistakes while you change it

and you can’t accept other’s flaws without acknowledging your own

(this logic adds to the strange, begrudging half friendship anthony and june will neither admit exists)

so helen and her can see what happens with this, in each other, and reflect on it. they both respond well to the other and work together in when to bare their teeth and why, but they can relax with someone else on their side.

and see what they need to change in themselves as much as the world, and be okay with that

sometimes they talk about the colors they find in people

in helen, june finds soft sage, warm rich brown

helen sees magenta in june, and faint traces of yellow (or teal? or royal blue?) its debatable, what the end result is, but whatever it is,

she burns bright.

and that is june to helen.

helen did some casual exploratory stuff the early years, late middle school, freshman-sophomore year

she gets her shit together pretty quick and then a like OK noW i can be more serious about it instead of poking, not that it meant nothing but now i know what i’m about and can do it responsibly

because she’s not sciencey but she’s sure as hell sharp in matters of the heart

she considered becoming a social worker at one point but she knows she has a problem with taking on project problem people when it’s not her job and she doesn’t want that to BE her job, because she knows she’d wind up on tough cases, and her passion is music and song anyway

that was more of a “hey your counselor thinks you should logically check this path”

but she realizes people don’t seem to realize that seemingly further reaching dreams are work too, and often take more dedication and spirit and responsibility than settling for what people THINK you should do for money, even though she certainly thinks higher of that work than that, she knows why she was recommended it and she knows what she wants

helen knows the importance of dreams. of that you shouldn’t have to be settling for less.

sometimes she does. but no one can achieve the level helen OWNS. let’s be realistic.

her hands are soft and loving but her nails are short and a little sharp

(anthony paints them for her)

(mostly metallics)

(occasionally little smudgey flowers)

helen doesn’t cry a lot but lets herself cry over things that matter. a lot of things matter, but she’s very good at sorting out what she doesn’t want to fret over

it’s a healthy cry, for all emotions

helen gets emotional about events but cries mostly over people

good people, people important to her

specifically

her parents

josephine baker

martha p. johnson

sylvia rivera

ella fitzgerald

maya angelou

her anthony and her june

she laughs it off a little bit afterward

for all that she is shaky and sentimental when she’s done

cupping porcelain mugs of hot tea in her hands and blinking slowly up at the posters on her wall, the chiffon drapes blowing a little over her bed and brushing against her

she washes her face and moves around her room, dancing a little bit until the faces of her heroes on the walls blur with motion instead of water

and overall feels better when she’s done

ok so helen actually first seriously dates a girl, its the first two serious times actually. they both meet her parents. the first goes off to boarding school and they tried to keep it up in letters, but the longer they wrote to each other the more they realized the other had very different opinions and like. helen just stopped replying. the second one was the person she lost her virginity to, they met at band camp. they’re still friends, but agreed that’s how they were better off.

helen describes herself as “loosely bi”, meaning she isn’t a big label girl for THAT aspect of herself but if she had to tap it with a moniker that would be it.

she meets anthony very similarly to how she met him on canon because THAT CANNOT GET BETTER

so she’s gotten a job at a place called the Soft Note

which is one of the only two close by queer bars

this one is the less club one. this is more wine and sashimi sushi and hipster brick walls

she sees someone in the back a Lot

which is weird

because he’s got a cheap laptop and notes and what looks like… a screwdriver and a circuit? one of those little box things with all the oddly gendered ports and wires

which is also weird because this is a bar where old queens hustle round and chatter about this new-fangled ellen and whisper sweet nothings in each other’s ears and toast to those lost to the aids crisis

otherwise her parents wouldn’t let her play that venue

so it never found good wifi or convenient outlets to be a. necessity.

or. checking for ids on young boys who don’t order alcohol and peek out from the booth at her and Oh. this kid’s spectacles just slipped down his nose and he has eyelashes off the wazoo.

so she says okay bill nye jr. i’m gonna test a hypothesis.

she looks him dead in the eye for the WHOLE of What A Wonderful World.

the timbre of her voice never falters, soaking into the dark wood paneling on the bar and skipping across the bottles on the wall

she is, for lack of better words, magnificent

she tries to go over afterward but a bunch of old queens stop her trying to compliment her in the Olde Gayest way

and by the time she’s hugged every one of them and has a bra now stuffed with Old Gay’s cash instead of tissue

he’s got a worried bouncer hovering over him asking to call his parents because he’s crying quietly

AND SHE LIKE FREEZES AND JUST KINDA

BREathes in, out, waves the bouncer off politely and

tips anthony’s chin up with two fingers

and she just looks so concerned for him

and he just doesn’t know what to say

BECAUSE WHO FUCKING WOULD

so he doesn’t say anything, he just swallows and sits up

anthony gets the deer in the headlights moment where he is. in awe

(SHESTOUCHINGMESHESTOUCHINGMESHESTOUCHINGMESHES)

and she just kinda sits on the counter and says “Hey there. I didn’t mean to sc- intimidate you or the like. ”

anthony: ….

helen: yeah okay that probably was a guarantee wasn’t it.

she taps his chin up again till his mouth closes and eyes him over, tilts his computer screen back, checking the non existing wifi, notes the two words and a couple of slight key smashes in his document, looks at his drink, sniffs it- “boy, is this apple juice?”

anthony:

anthony:

she steals his apple juice and sits on the counter, nursing it

“oh. damn, damn. nice nails.” he’s got glittery tarot cards on them.

snaps out of it slightly, looks down, proceeds to slowly wipe his cheeks and sit on his hands.

“…hey. i didn’t break you did i?”

nothin.

gives him back the drink

he kinda unconsciously slots his lips over where the lipstick is on the glass.

“so. you like jazz or just me.”

he chokes.

there is no more eye contact. she has an answer. she is smiling. he gathers his notes, nods to her jerkily, SCUTTLES OUT.

“See you tomorrow!” she calls after him. doesn’t yell cause she’s a lady. he trips anyway.

minute the bar door swings shut, the old queens start CACKLING. she throws a napkin at them and calls them mean, and looks into getting a business card so she can kiss it with her lipstick and slot it into his keyboard next time. it’ll be three weeks before he can look her in the eye.

[bellakitse]

Ground me, Chapter [8/8]

Chapters 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7

“Look who got his head out of his ass.”

Even shakes his head as he comes through the door of KB on Thursday afternoon for his regular shift, he grins amused by the shocked look the customer at the counter gives Martha at her words. His smile grows when she gives the customer a sunny smile in return.

“Have a nice day!” she shouts after the man as he walks away.

“That wasn’t very good customer service,” Even comments after he puts his coat and hat away, grabbing his apron he throws it over his head and walks around the counter to stand in front of Martha. He stares at her for a moment, his lips twitching as she turns to return the stare, her hands on her hips as she gives him a challenging look. “Heard you called me an idiot, not nice.”

She shrugs, unconcerned. “When have I ever been nice? I was right you were being dumb, it’s a good thing you’re so pretty.”

Even laughs, grinning when she lets out a shout of protest when he suddenly grabs her by her slim waist and pulls her into a hug.

She squeals as he lifts her off the ground. “No fair using your height against me!” she grumbles, but doesn’t struggle from his hold, instead she wraps her arms around his neck and returns his hug. “Dumb giant.”

“Thanks,” Even says quietly into her ear as he settles her back on the floor. “For talking to him, for pushing him, for pushing me, I needed it.”

Martha shrugs again but this time her gaze is gentle. “Despite myself, I care about your ridiculous ass.”

“Don’t lie my ass is fabulous,” Even says as tweaks one of her braids like he's used to, grinning when she slaps his hand away.

“I know you guys are okay,” Martha tells him even as she turns to a new customer on the line, waiting as the woman scans the menu above them. “He’s in the back by the way and has been smiling to himself like a lovesick fool since he got here.”

Even smiles as he looks down at his shoes, liking the sound of that.

“Yeah,” Martha points at his face. “That’s the same silly look he has on his face too, so I knew you guys are fine.”

Even nods. “We talked and I told him about me.”

Even watches as Martha visibly relaxes at that and he’s suddenly even more grateful for the support system in his life.

“That’s good Even,” she says sincerely. “And you? You’re okay right now?”

“Yeah, Martha,” Even answers honestly. “I’m okay.”

Martha smiles at him and then the customer as the woman orders chai tea. “That’s great.”

Even nods at her before his gaze travels to the door leading to the back.

Martha lets out a chuckle at that. “The thirst is real.”

Even turns his gaze back to her, smirking at her unapologetic, chuckling when she rolls her eyes at him.

“Go on then,” Martha shooing him away. “It’s pretty dead in here right now I can handle it.”

Even grins happily at her as he leans in to give her a quick kiss on the cheek. “You’re the best.”

“And don’t you ever forget it.”

Even laughs again as he starts to make his way to the back.

“Even?” Martha calls out and Even looks back at her, raising an eyebrow at the sly grin on her face.

“Fredrik isn’t in the back,” She says meaningfully. “He’s at the bank.”

Even stares at her for a moment, his smile turning wicked as he gets her point. “Like I said, you’re the best.”

He can hear her laugh follow him as he crosses the threshold to the back. Even is amused by her briefly before all thoughts of Martha leave his mind, time to find his boy.

*

Isak is stocking the latest delivery of goods, working his way through a cardboard box filled with sugar packets. He hums along to a song on his phone, the music playing through the tiny speakers as it sits on a shelf.

“That’s nice and peppy.”

Isak grins helplessly at the voice turning around to find his boyfriend smiling at him from the doorway.

“I’m starting to think you told me you like N.W.A and Nas to try and impress me,” Even continues as the makes his way over to Isak. “Twice I have caught you back here listening to some pop song.”

Isak lets out a huff of amusement, rolling his eyes at the teasing, but loving the way Even grins at him. When Even gets close enough Isak grabs ahold of his apron pulling him in the rest of the way. He tilts his head up in a silent request.

“Hey,” Even murmurs before pressing his lips against Isak’s. Isak raises his arms and circles them around Even’s neck, deepening the kiss as he goes, taking his time when Even parts his lips to let him in. He hums into the kiss tasting something sweet that is more than just Even.

“Hey,” he greets back without pulling away, his words said against Even’s mouth and he lets out a soft sound as he feels Even’s smile against his lips in response.

Even presses another quick kiss before he pulls Isak into a hug and holds him there when it seems like Isak is in no rush to pull away. It reminds Even of the day before, after he’d told Isak about being bipolar how they laid in his bed. Isak quiet as he held Even in his arms, waiting without judgment for Even to talk. It had taken a while but as he laid in Isak’s arms he had started to speak. He told Isak everything, about being diagnosed his last year of school after he had an epic meltdown at school. How is had put a strain on all his relationships, with his friends, with his parents, with his girlfriend at the time. How some of those relationships never recovered and eventually drifted away. He told him about graduating by the skin of his teeth but not being well enough to start university yet and that was why he was working at KB until he figures out what he wants to do with his life. Through all of it, Isak just held him, giving him soft kisses, caressing his face or pulling him closers when the words got stuck in Even’s throat.

Now as he holds Isak close he’s overwhelmed with gratitude for the boy and the care and love he gives him so freely.

“Hey,” Isak says pulling back, his brow furrowed as he looks at his face. “You okay?

Even stares at it for a moment, amazed that in such a short time of knowing each other Isak can already read him so well and he’s filled with excitement at the thought of them getting to a point where they know everything about each other, because he wants that more than anything, he wants to share everything with Isak, confident in the fact that no matter what the love between them will continue. “Yeah, I was just thinking.”

“Yeah?” Isak smiles knowingly as he looks at him and Even is sure Isak can read the love on his face. “What are you thinking about?”

Even smiles and figures he might as well say it out loud since everything inside him is screaming it and has probably been screaming it since the moment he first laid eyes on Isak. “That I love you.”

Isak looks at him, a beaming smile on his face, his green eyes brighter than Even has ever seen them.

“I love you,” Even repeats, grinning himself as he feels overcome by it. “And I know that me loving you and you loving me doesn’t magically fix me, but for the first time in a long time I’m excited about the future and have faith in it cause you’re here.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Isak says quietly, his hand cupping Even’s cheek.

“It’s not always going to be easy,” Even warns because as much as he’s happy now he knows there will be dark times and he doesn’t want Isak to go in blind. The last thing he wants is to hurt Isak, that, even more than the idea of losing him fills him with fear.

“I know,” Isak says seriously and Even can see that Isak truly understands. “And I know I don’t know everything about your illness, I’m going to mess up sometimes, but I’ll still be here, if you want me I’ll always be here.”

“I want you here,” Even answers earnestly. “I want you in my life as long as I can keep you.”

“Guess that means you’re never getting rid me then,” Isak grins teasingly and Even laughs at the cheeky look on Isak’s face, unable to do anything but kiss him again in response.

“I love you, Even,” Isak whispers into the kiss, his eyes locking with Even’s. “So much I think I’m going to burst from it sometimes.”

“I know the feeling,” Even says just as quietly not wanting to disturb the moment. “And yet I also feel this unbelievable calm wash over me when I think about you, you quiet my ridiculously loud mind and ground me to the here and now, thank you for that.”

“You’re welcome,” Isak says sweetly and Even smiles because that’s exactly what Isak is. He’s this sweet soft boy that holds him with gentle hands, kisses him tenderly and brings light into Even’s world.

And somehow Even is lucky enough to get to keep him.

“You’re thinking sappy thoughts,” Isak says grinning up at him.

“Yeah,” Even agrees with a smile of his own.

Isak shakes his head chuckling softly. “What am I going to do with you?”

Even grins and he knows he probably looks like the lovesick fool Martha tease him of being. “Love me.”

Isak looks at him, his hands cupping his cheeks to pull him down once more, he doesn’t kiss him, instead, he presses their foreheads together, his eyes lock with Even’s.

“I can do that.”

 Fin