#river and martha being the cutest couple ever

[genuinerio]

“The hardest thing is the last goodbye, especially if you didn’t know it really was the very last one.”

“You and I will always be unfinished business.”

[genuinerio]

Throughout this movie, it’s really just River and Martha being so in love with each other. It’s them, not Danny and Lorna and scenes like this as well as the “Fire and Rain” scene with the happiness she brings to him proves me so 🥹♥️!!

Martha Plimpton & River Phoenix Running on empty | 1988, Sidney Lumet

[valqin]

3/15 the past 72 hours

astrology zone said the weekend of 3/13 will be the most romantic weekend in March - proof that astrology is just all hokum 🙄

3/13

10pm, 31D: me to 小王, 脑内多巴胺正exploding: "i think he's so easy to talk to, but let's see, if he texts he texts, if he doesn't then he doesn't"

12:30am: 小王发送desk lamp短信，我们一起喝着whiskey笑和哭

4am, 31D 客厅 一张mattress和一张air mattress上躺着三个上外小朋友，其中一个的姓我永远发不准

7:26am: 戳小冯问时间 他起身一看时间 骂了“阿爹阿娘咧”

8:15am, 9:20am, 9:30am: 闹钟响，没人起床

10:30am: 起床，小冯煮云吞，我拆粉色沙发，小王报告desk lamp短信无回复

11:30am: 到家，caught up with candy, 听她说她的staycation, 说我的hudson river walk. candy asked: how do you like him? i said i really like him, a lot, we were just so cute🥺. then she asked me about best first dates and I thought very hard for a while, and i said: this one? she said did he text your friend back? i said no!! and she told me to relax it's still so early on saturday morning.

4pm: wake up from the nap, he still didn't text back, cry, crawl into a ball and cuddle hono, cry

5:30pm: decided to pull myself up for a walk, walked down, chatted with my favorite doorman in the building, broke down "i like this boy so much but he doesn't like me" and he said to me "VALENTINE YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL"  and i bawled like a baby in the lobby, and everyone walked by looked at me bawling. it was so sad and hilarious at the same time.

[the first thing candy said going downstairs: edwin why did you make my roommate cry!!]

8pm: come back from the walk, called mom first and she was being awfully critical, called serena  and she tried to pick him apart.

[i don't want people picking him apart, he's part of my experience and i love this experience, intact and full, so please don't pick him apart]

10:30pm: candy came back, a long session with my cried out swollen eyes. words, advices, questions marks flew around and i still didn't have one single answer. cry

3/14

1am: replay clips after clips, cry, watched the clock turned 3 at 2am. cuddle hono, went to sleep

11am: woke up and ready to do yoga. mentioned my swollen face and the yoga session turned into a five-hour therapy sessions with those three wonderful girls, that their computer batteries died again and again and they came back on line again and again after that.

[they love me when i'm at my lowest, i receive the most love when i'm at my worst]

3:30pm: too many filters and feedbacks, I sat and strip all things away and thought about the time we spent, still don't understand, still can't believe i got a ghost from THIS date, want answers that i'm never meant to have. in a trance, tried to nap but failed.

4pm: sober, sun-shine-in-my-eyes sober, put on jamie xx's "in colour" vinyl, sat in my new pink armchair and just sat and listen

5pm: shower, packed up bag and went see 小王 and 31D for the last time, prepare for Lilia

5:26pm: 在周日5点关门的香水店前驻足停留

[没有买到的蜡烛小王第二天早上跑去买到了，只有这个out of stock她说，但她强行拿了on display的那瓶，也没有official wrap box，但不是遗憾]

5:40pm bedford avenue train station- mother of junk买新的玻璃杯，摔碎的玻璃杯就让他去不再难过了 - martha's 买bakeries and napoleon

6:15pm 回到了happy place lilia 证实上次觉得这么好吃不是���了而是真的这么好吃

8:15pm 来到spoonbill给小王拍了最后一张disposable，上一张是在hudson river想拍他但没有敢，小王寻找了三个书店的书在这里还是没有找到

[遗憾]

10pm 31D the last time: 拆着镜子开始哭again, 小王在hectic的理行李走过来问我要不要这个看到我趴在镜子上哭，她说你再哭我就要怪自己了，我说no i don't blame you and i don't want to blame myself either

10:13pm: 打电话给lsc 他凶的不得了，我说喜欢的小哥哥不喜欢我，他说这不是很正常的吗，我说为什么我们两个人对这个date的感受如此天壤之别，他说你们没有天壤之别，但以后你可能会遇到其他天壤之别，但也会遇到和你感受一样的

10:40pm: 29岁出现，我问29岁，原来two people can feel so different about the same interaction, 他笑说那当然，这个我不到29岁的时候就学会了

11:13pm: 坐上lyft离开小王 抱着大镜子和小箱子，哭，为小王哭

11:48pm: 装镜子的时候开始哭again, 打电话给姐姐她说那你要想你经历的date比他开心是很幸运的

3/15

12:47am: 给lsc发短信告诉他我很珍惜他这个朋友！以后再也不会不回微信了

1am: clean up, mentally, physically, cuddle hono, cried a little, just a tiny bit, and slept

3:29pm: 用字送别小王，哭了三小时有10分钟真的是为她在哭的，她说我倒是没看出来是为我哭

6:25pm: told christina everything, talked for 2 hours and 17 minutes, i said guess i will never know the answer and she said exactly. i told her she's a cali software engineer who goes to coachella every year on molly, she said "oh then i guess you're not her type lol" i said "what's his type?" she said "abg? i don't know cuz the type reminds me of Alex" me: OH NO 🤯 (vehemently deny) he wore a flannel shirt to coachella instead of a tank/ shirtless!

[and later she texted me: you are stronger than this. again cried a little, a tiny bit]

9:49pm: told lexi and realized his boyfriend worked with him in the same company, 她说要当坏女人，对姐妹好就好了，我说我也想当坏女人,好轻松，但不会。

11:51pm: 写这行字

过去两天：talk to 11 people, feel loved and adored for 11 times. ate one meal, drink a couple of bottled water, slept for ~12 hours, confused, drained, cried, over and over again, demand answers, again and again, and now it seems answers are not longer important anymore.

jcc: 下次你要想is this boy not only worth your time, but your friends' time?? your roommate's time?? your DOORMAN's time?? 我笑 说我现在的背后智囊团比三国打仗时候诸葛亮还强，he should feel honored LOL

ida: 我们每天都在经历新的事情无论是好是坏每天都在成长 真的很幸运啊

lsc to saki: 辛苦你了。lsc叫我买好吃的给她因为“你看saki听你哭了一遍又一遍” 我说我接受了我不要答案了，他说挺好的接受是一种力量，我说看来都是自己陶醉其中了，他说很好，这是一种能力，下次用在别人身上就是了

所有人：你能这么喜欢人也是一种天赋

两个人做了很可爱的事情，不代表两个人会继续做可爱的事情，有的时候这么可爱的事情就是因为只发生了一次才更珍贵（小王pessimistic的告诉我）当另一个人不想继续做可爱的事情不代表当时发生的事情不可爱，可能有的事情在我心里可爱10分在他心里可爱6分所以他想去继续寻找可爱10分的事情，没关系，我以后会找到更多可爱10分的事情而且有一天对方也会觉得可爱10分。

我和我姐说我认输了，她说怎么认输？我说我不要答案了，我也不想问了，我输了。她说这不叫认输，这叫let it go. 原来let things/ people go is not a surrender, it’s a muscle. I just grew stronger by not asking questions anymore. 

3/12 4:51pm- 10:05pm

the cutest five-hour first date i've ever had

walked along the hudson river, from my apt to 96th street 12th ave, sat in a tree (a branch out on the tree that looks like a swing), he took a picture of me on the tree, wrapped me in his arms sitting in the tree, climbed over the fence to see the sailor and soldier's monument, i told him he will be such a good travel buddy. snuggled on a bench on the street side and waited for a seat in the restaurant for 40 minutes. liked him, liked him a lot and left thinking i will certainly see him again.

but i am not, very very unfortunately.

he's the one told me about Orion's belt and i think it's so wonderful that stars now remind me of him, of the five hours

“这个date真的太可爱了我要捧在手心里，这个男孩子我可以不要，但是这个五小时我要捧住”

我不希望他以后被ghost, he's such a cool and sweet person i wish him well <3

这五个小时我比他更开心我很幸运。比对方喜欢更多就是每一次见面我都收获更多开心 - “开心吗?” “开心但是..” “没有但是，当时开心就够了。”

我和小王说最近一直哭唧唧真的是因为you'll see 听多了，不想哭的时候听到这首歌我也哭了

You'll See- Tizzy Bac

我最喜欢是 "总有些遗憾要学会放开，活到这把年纪也该明白"

小王最喜欢的是 “我背后柔软的伤口不想让人触摸，但在你转身瞬间，泪在心底成了河流”

充满离别的72小时， but i made peace with both

[genuinerio]

“i hope that if alternate universes exist, it will still be you and me in the end. i hope that there will always be an us. in every world, in every story."

[genuinerio]

“You’re my… could’ve been. Should’ve been but never was and never will be 😭💔.”

[genuinerio]

It breaks my heart to read of him being so shocked and heartbroken with Martha breaking up with him. I understand Martha’s perspective as well and she had every right to do that and it probably hurt her just as much to breakup with him but it was like what can she do? He didn’t want to help nor save himself, so there was nothing much she could do.

It also hurts to think of the fact that maybe their breakup was more of an ultimatum in her wanting him to get help but also, her own heartache of him choosing drugs over her, over himself and their own relationship, granted it was an addiction and she most definitely knew that. And she was probably in just as much of a shock and heartache that their relationship had to end as he was. After all, they were each other’s first love, first emotional connection and the first person who each truly had romantic feelings for.

His substance abuse was causing so much turmoil and distress to their relationship probably causing her to be drifting apart because she couldn’t handle seeing him that way and the more fights it caused. It was probably like her seeing their relationship hanging on by a thread. It’s heartbreaking to even read that he turned to substances even more, abusing drugs and alcohol for months to cope with losing her because to him, it’s clear that she was his refuge.

And then, this quote proving my point in this explanation, “…Phoenix had always tried to hide his addictions because he feared that they might ruin his career as they did his relationship with Martha Plimpton.” Like, this shows that his relationship ending with Martha had quite the toll on him that he didn’t want that to happen to his career. Granted that he was in new relationships with Sue and Samantha, it’s clear to me that he never fully got over their relationship ending or in losing her either.

I find it so sweet that even though, their relationship had quite a heartbreaking and saddening ending, Martha is such a good person and amazing woman to remain his friend with supporting him whether with his career or in personal issues as she would offer him comfort anytime he had needed it. Martha was definitely his soulmate and I truly wish that their relationship would’ve had a much happier ending. She never stopped in loving him and her acts of love and kindness prove it so. Thank you, Martha for being such an amazing woman, friend, confidant, girlfriend and soulmate to dear River.

[In the summer of 1989], Martha Plimpton decided to end her four-year relationship with Phoenix. “When we split up, a lot of it was that I had learned that screaming, fighting, and begging wasn’t going to change him. He had to change himself, and he didn’t want to yet.” The breakup with Plimpton was a huge shock to Phoenix, who was deeply in love with her and had become emotionally dependent on her. Without Martha, there was no one to rein him in. “I think when he lost Martha he started going downhill,” observed Jim Dobson

— Excerpt from ‘In Search of River Phoenix’ 

[genuinerio]

“Nothing hurts more than to be friends with someone, knowing you are both in love with each other, and yet not being able to be together.”

“Ever love someone so much, you’ll settle for being friends just to have them in your life?”

[genuinerio]

These two were the real life version of the enemies to lovers trope and created it, “We hated each other when we first met,” recalls River, laughing. “It was only after filming began that we started to get to know each other. We realized we both had changed a lot. I don’t know, we’re just cooler, I guess. We both grew a couple inches.” They were so in love and I can’t take how cute they were 🥺🖤.

[genuinerio]

eyes have a language of their own and they speak in love with one another 🥹🤍.

[genuinerio]

This is as clear as day, a River and Martha moment rather than a Danny and Lorna one. The fact that Martha makes River so happy and smiling proves that statement so clearly 🥰.

[genuinerio]

I love and appreciate the fact that Martha was in love with River for him for the boy who preaches for veganism and wanting to change the world, not movie star teen heartthrob River Phoenix, "River’s not a big teenage heartthrob. He’s a person, and since I’ve known him, this success has just been thrown upon him. It’s something he doesn’t really want or understand. So I couldn’t really tell you what it’s like to work with a hunky teen star because he isn’t one.” - Martha Plimpton (Dolly Magazine, March 1989) 🥺🤍.

[genuinerio]

I think this part hurts me the most because he was aware on how his substance abuse was tearing them apart as a couple and the fact that he was still in love with her and just the clear fact that he was so heartbroken over losing her 🥺💔. “…Phoenix had always tried to hide his addictions because he feared that they might ruin his career as they did to his relationship with Martha Plimpton.”

[genuinerio]

“Throughout Martha’s quote, I always disagree with the people who oppose it because Martha is extremely correct in sharing her anger, her hurt and her being upset at River for his overdose through her words, "River is already being made into a martyr. He's become a metaphor for a fallen angel, a messiah.

He wasn't. He was just a boy, a very good-hearted boy who was very f-cked-up and had no idea how to implement his good intentions. I don't want to be comforted by his death. I think it's right that I'm angry about it, angry at the people who helped him stay sick, and angry at River." - Ms. Martha Plimpton about her lost love, River Jude Phoenix, 1994.

“I can’t imagine how hurt she was at his death, remembering all the heartbreak of every fight they had of her wanting to help him but he didn’t want to help himself and ultimately, the heartbreak in him choosing drugs over her, their relationship and ultimately, over himself, with the tragedy in her finally realising that she’s no longer going to watch him slowly kill himself.

Her hoping and praying that he doesn’t die and having the courage to leave but also feeling completely broken when she learned he did in fact die even worse at a heartbreaking age of him being so young and just barely starting to find himself and the fact that he still had so much to see and experience within that.

She will never get the chance to see him age any further than twenty three and that is certainly disheartening. And when “fans” falsely blame her for his downfall as she left and the colleagues saying that he went downhill after they split, it certainly wasn’t because she didn’t love him anymore either when she left him because it’s very clear and obvious that she did love him A LOT.

In fact, so much that she remained his friend and would offer comfort to him. Despite the heartache in that action, she did have the right and she made the best decision for herself then as a teenager being in a very tragic and emotional situation and dealing with the pain in that act.” - My thoughts.

[genuinerio]

Heartbreaking how true this lyric is, I hope that someday Martha and River will get to see each other again as James says, “I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend. But I always thought that I'd see you, baby 🥺.”

“But I always thought I would see you again”

Running On Empty (1988), - Sidney Lumet 

[genuinerio]

The fact that Martha was literally River’s refuge even post breakup, also him remaining in love with her and the times of them being in love warms my heart 🥺. Also, you cannot tell me that she did not love him anymore because that is so NOT TRUE, she still cared and deeply loved him especially so much to remain his friend and to offer comfort. We will always love our first loves.

[genuinerio]

These two amazing women are literally River and Joaquín’s safe place, their refuges and wonderwalls and that is so beautiful 🥺.