#marriage inequality

[theacecouple]

TOMORROW!

October 23rd, 2024 is the 4th annual Disabled Ace Day!

Disabled Ace Day, which takes place on Wednesday during Ace Week, is dedicated to awareness, visibility, and celebration of the intersections of Asexuality and Disability and advocates for material and social support of Disabled Aces everywhere.

With a vitally important election coming up in the US, we will be talking politics tomorrow on the The Ace Couple podcast by discussing the laws that create marriage inequality in our country for Disabled people, for Asexual & Aromantic people, and for Black Americans.

Obergefell v. Hodges may have allowed for same-sex marriage at the federal level, but it does NOT mean that we have true marriage equality in this country.

We encourage Disabled Aces from around the globe to talk about your own experience, be it personal or political, to raise awareness this Ace Week.

Disabled Ace Day logo by Emmalee Larghi Dahlgren

[fagsystem]

You know when you see a post that just. Really indicates so clearly none of these people have ever known anyone who is polyamorous nor bothered to learn anything about it.

There was a post about how they should legalise polyamorous marriages for all reasons, but also because they want to see what polyamorous divorces look like. Someone else reblogged with the image of Charlie Day next to that mail wall with the threads, captioning it with, "Divorce Lawyer."

Honestly, a bit funny.

But the notes are just... Filled with people who genuinely have no idea about anything to do with polyamory, who's only experience with polyamory is joking about it and making fun of Mormons.

Sure, joking about breakups happening like voting someone off the island is funny and all, but those jokes are all people know about it. It makes trying to exist as a polyamorous person so frustrating. Especially when it is jokes centred around our marriage inequality. If you are going to make jokes about something that majorly impactful to our lives, perhaps know the first fucking thing about polyamory.

I have never met someone who I have told I am polyamorous that did not know anyone else who was polyamorous who did not have assumptions built on these sorts of jokes. Especially in regards to explaining that no, I am not dating all of my partners' partners, and even if two of my partners are dating our relationships are separate. My relationship with each of them and theirs with each other have actually nothing to do with each other. It blows their minds and it is such a basic part of polyamory. The majority of the people I know are polyamorous, and none of them have any relationships where they date multiple partners as a sort of joint relationship.

People look at polyamory through such a monogamist lens that they do not actually seem to conceptualise it as multiple relationships that co-exist. Whenever I clarify that no, it is not a 'singular' relationship containing more than two people, I always get looked at like I have uprooted their entire worldview. This revelation is almost followed by enquiring how I do not get jealous.

I do. That is a part of life. I get jealous of my friends' friends too. I just process those emotions on my own time, and communicate if these emotions are stemming from specific behaviours of theirs. (Such as, for example, them not making time to speak with me but making time to speak with other partners.)

It is not that the question of how to manage jealousy that really bothers me (it does bother me though), but the idea that it would not exist if you frame polyamory from the point of view of it being a single relationship with multiple people. It just speaks to how these people have never even begun to learn the first thing about polyamory. It is not as though there are not people who's relationships function like that, but it is that it is the hardest form of polyamory to maintain. You need to have good communication so everyone is on the same page about everyone's relationship with everyone else all at the same time. A and B's relationship, A and C's relationship, B and C's relationship, and any more is all one relationship. That is so much harder than all of those relationships being their own separate ones co-existing. If A and B have a problem, it is also a problem with A and C and B and C and whoever else there is.

Yet so many people are just functioning under the mindset that that is what polyamory is, and the idea that it not being one relationship (as in, like monogamy) that has multiple people in it is so confusing and hard to understand is just. What right do you have to be joking about our marriage inequality if you don't even know what you're joking about?

[plague-parade]

reminder this pride month that disabled people in the US on SSI and some forms of SSDI* do not have the same marriage equality as people not on SSI and SSDI. its called the marriage penalty.

by getting married, a disabled person can lose their income, benefits, and health insurance.

if a disabled person marries an able bodied person, and combined their assets are $3000 or over they will lose all benefits, including medicaid (health insurance).

if a disabled person marries a disabled person, their assistance is lowered 25%.

we don’t have marriage equality until all disabled marriages are equal.

*SSDI title II (disabled adult child) does fall under the marriage penalty, regular SSDI does not.

sources x x x x

[heterorealism]

[dysautonomia]

Same here in Germany. :(

fucking hate the "well it's not technically marriage inequality that disabled people can't get married without losing their benefits because no one's stopping you from getting married" yeah something is stopping us from getting married. Loss of medical care. Homelessness. Hunger. Death. I don't know how to tell you this but SSI is not a thing that you get because you could technically get a job but you don't feel like it. The process is awful, it's dehumanizing and it can take years even if you're clearly disabled. If you can work you do work, and if you can't work you can't afford to lose your "benefits". It's eugenics plain and simple, it came from a time where you could only fuck if you were married and they wanted to de-incentivize disabled people from fucking so we would stop existing.

[recsspecs]

Source: Pratiyogita Darpan, October 2024

voice is intimate? or are opinions too loud? too deafening?

[baldwinheights]

unless you're a highly religious man, marriage just isn't worth the risk if you're a guy. you don't realize this when you're young, which is when you're most vulnerable, but as you get older, as you learn more about life, as you learn more about women, as you learn more about the games that are being played in relationships, as you learn more about divorce rates, as you learn more about people staying in unhappy marriages for the sake of kids, appearances, finances, etc., the more you realize that marriage is a gamble where the stakes are stacked against you as a man. this is especially true if you're not a wealthy man. if you're wealthy (like say a net worth of 50 million) and you lose half of that, you're still really rich and chances are you have the know-how and connections to make back what you lost. however, if you're a guy just making 50k a year and you suddenly lose half or more, you can literally find yourself homeless. it's crazy.

[mexicanistnet]

Mexico's child marriage ban is a start, but forced marriages continue, especially in indigenous communities. This practice robs girls of childhood, education, and health. Laws, education, and economic empowerment are critical in combating this injustice rooted in gender inequality.

[lilithsaintcrow]

“So if you want to force women to marry someone who listens to Joe Rogan all day and thinks men who are convicted of domestic violence should have access to guns, you need more than a single study from a right-wing institute showing that marriage makes people happier to make your case."

[quotes-for-the-soul]

Imagine if all men took women seriously. Education would change. The workforce would revolutionize. Marriage counselors would go out of business. Do you see my point?

Lessons in Chemistry by Bonnie Garmus

[the-descolada]

This is so racist lol

ALSO SAME SEX MARRIAGE IS LITERALLY NOT LEGAL?? THAT’S WHY THE ENDING IS IMPORTANT??

[foryouthegays]

the loves and i frequently talk about committing a felony !!!!!

[specialagentartemis]

People: lol ace and aro people are such whiny babies, just grow up and get married like the rest of us instead of having your stupid little precious ~ queerplatonic ~ relationships, I don’t care if you don’t want to, you have to if you want to have rights

Also people: you’re getting married platonically? How dare you????

[random-bookquotes]

Increasingly, women were advised to reject the economic conception of marriage and marry for love. Love, they were told, would help them to avoid the inequality of the marital bargain.

Marcia A. Zug, You'll Do: A History of Marrying for Reasons Other Than Love

[heterorealism]

[strange-lamp-stranger]

i fell down a wikipedia rabbit hole and now it's one a.m. and i have to wake up at 8 this morning. so. there goes my hopes of productivity tomorrow i guess (i have so many things i need to do) (and i don't have the executive function skills to do them all) (ideally i should've finished 2-3x as much stuff as i actually have by now) (oops that turned into a bit of a vent) (i'm fine, none of this is world-shattering, life goes on even if i miss a few assignments. i will be kind to myself no matter what)