#marriage humor
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You know what shouldn't be treated as marriage humor? Putting your husband down
Then when they get called out for it, they try to defend themselves and justify it
"It's not that serious! Just a joke lol sorry you didn't get that."
It's not a joke
And it's not okay
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talesofthedice · 6 months ago
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I’m just thriving on making these
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joynells · 3 months ago
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A Funny Love Story: Marrying the Galaxy's Defender
Trying something new: Check out my blog for a little short story that any married couple can relate too, even if your spouse isn't out saving the galaxy. For readers & lovers of: Superhero romance Romantic comedy Cosmic adventures Marriage
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queenlovestone · 1 year ago
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violet-phoenix-nebula · 10 months ago
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Dating: Aw, what do you want to watch together?
Marriage: You're losing the TV at 8.
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t-swift-converter · 2 years ago
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(part 5 in a humble swiftie wife’s blogging adventure— rest of the story on my page!)
POST 5 - Infiltrating His Sleep
Brushing my teeth the other morning I heard Dave humming a song I was familiar with. To say I am not a morning person is a huge understatement, so the weight of the situation did not even dawn on me until later that day. Adding the few lyrics he knew this time, Dave was again humming the same song. Then I realized.
“Dave, what are you singing?” I asked with a little too much excitement in my voice. “I like shiny things, doo do doo do” He sang back in a mocking tone.
“Paper Rings!! You like that song?!”
“I woke up with it in my head!!”
“It’s by Taylor Swift! Wow! We listened to that a few days ago, and only once.”
I seized the moment and went on, explaining how he actually does know and likes the song. I recounted to him that Paper Rings was one of the songs that played at his best friend’s wedding and we danced to it and how when it came on I started singing and he had asked what song it was because I knew it.
You see, I figured if I could associate this song with a positive, happy memory he has – especially if that happy memory has me looking gorgeous in a tight-fitting olive green dress and his best friend getting hitched – then he will realize how much he likes it.
So Dave and ‘Paper Rings' have a total history now, so I’m not surprised at all that the song chose him in his sleep. And if his subconscious likes Taylor Swift, I feel like his conscious self cannot be far behind! Mwahahaha!
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jaynethejackalope · 27 days ago
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My husband is 38 and he can stay up until 1 am
He's a super human
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shikagemaru · 2 months ago
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Me, yelling through the bathroom door to my wife: "Hey! I'm stealing your cheese!"
Wife, from inside the bathroom: "okaaaay, how you gonna eat it?"
Me: "Like an Anaconda!"
Wife: "Nooooooooo! I want some tooooo!"
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punnyfunnycom · 9 months ago
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Why did the couple celebrate their wedding anniversary at the bank? Because that's where they first made a joint account! 💍💰 #couplegoals
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psychomorphary · 9 months ago
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"You're a sexy little old lady!"
Something I never thought I'd say to my husband, but here we are.
I am not giving any sort of context, either lmao
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medsocionwheels · 11 months ago
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A little marriage humor for your Wednesday ^^^
Video description: 1-cream and tan mini labradoodle laying in a blue dog bed appearing to mope, captioned "When your husband is packing for a business trip"; 2-camera zooms in on moping mini cream and tan labradoodle, captioned "I guess I will survive if I must"; 3-shrek smirk meme, captioned *as soon as he leaves* to the intro of "moves like jagger" by Maroon 5; 4-bernedoodle puppy laying in grass drops an oversized tennis ball labeled "girl dinner" out of her mouth and licks her lips.
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what-marsha-eats · 1 year ago
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guinevereslancelot · 2 years ago
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first base is wound tending second base is hand touching
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cavalierclown · 2 years ago
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celestie0 · 1 month ago
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in holy matriphony | series masterlist.
gojo satoru x reader [18+] | angst, fluff, smut
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ᰔ pairing. fake marriage au - next door neighbor!gojo x reader
ᰔ summary. gojo satoru is your extremely annoying next-door-neighbor who you're pretty sure is the most insufferable man you've ever met. given the fact that you exclusively work the night shift at a chaotic emergency department, just got broken up with your boyfriend of seven years, and have been taking care of your sick mother ever since her multitude of diagnoses, yet somehow your neighbor is the main source of stress in your life should speak volumes. but when your mother's medical bills start to skyrocket to more than you can manage, and you learn that said neighbor of yours has the best private health insurance in the country, you ask him to enter a matrimonial agreement with you for the spousal benefits all in the name of saving a few hundred thousand dollars. but you'll have to see if suffering cohabitation w him is worth any amount of money.
ᰔ warnings/tags. 18+, fem!reader, fluff, smut, angst, enemies to lovers (sort of), annoyances to lovers (that's more like it), small town romance, fake marriage, next door neighbors, lots of bickering, suburban shenanigans, slow burn, mutual pining, gojo likes to play house but you don't, hatred for the american healthcare system, gojo always forgets to mow the lawn, jealousy, an insane amount of profanity, some choso x reader, some suguru x reader, some crippling debt x reader; btw gojo in this fic is in his mid 30s n reader is in her late 20s
ᰔ warnings. reader in this fic has a sick mother w alzheimer's & cancer so there is secondary medical angst!!
ᰔ status. ongoing
ᰔ word count. 53.4k
ᰔ taglist. closed
☾·̩͙꙳ ao3 link :: header art by @/3aem
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chapter index.
ch1. he said yes! congrats!
ch2. you may now kiss the bride
ch3. domestic encounters
ch4. in a mother's eyes
ch5. child's play
ch6. the in-laws
ch7. pending…
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drabbles.
no1. new neighbor
no2. pending...
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headcanons.
official headcanons pt1. fluff & crack | link
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a note from the author. hello! my name is ellie, and this is my second long fic series called 'in holy matriphony' which i began posting earlier this year in april! this started off as such a small lil concept idea trashing on the american healthcare system, and now it's a fullblown fic. i have sooo much planned for this series, so admittedly it will be a long one, but i am so grateful to anyone that tags along for the ride :””) please let me know if i missed any tags or warnings! and for those who may want to know before reading, this series will have a happy ending <3
series tags. #in holy matriphony
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sugarlywhispers · 2 months ago
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b.katsuki x reader (fem) | quirkless!reader, prohero!dynamight, arranged marriage au.
a.n; fare warning, THIS IS A MONSTER<3 lol
Fuckin' Marry Me Series | First Part | Second Part |
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The gentle sound of the scribble your pen makes over the paper, right where it requires your formal signature, is heard louder than you expected in that tense silence. Well, it isn't a bad silence, but more like an anxious one. One that has Bakugou, who is sitting right next to you, literally shaking his right leg up and down continuously, even though you already told him you would do this.
And what does ‘this’ mean? It means you agreed to marry Bakugou-annoying ass-Katsuki. To help him finally be free from his own mother's clutches.
You had a hard time believing in the whole story he told you when he knocked on your door last Sunday morning –almost tearing down the door actually– after his father died. Even though you had agreed that same day, you asked him for a few days to clear your head a bit. He accepted, respecting your space even at work, which was weird.
A normal day at work always starts with a banter with this same man right at the entrance of the company and it follows until you enter the elevator. Everyone is already used to it, so they ignore both of you. It mostly ends when you have to get off on the floor where your office is, which is one under the one where all heroes keep their hero costumes and get changed. Of course, sometimes the banter would continue if you were assigned to work with Hero Dynamight through the earbuds that connected you at a distance.
That Monday morning though, was different. Weird for everyone who looked at both of you in shock. The moment you stood in front of the other right outside the company, everyone was waiting for it to happen, yet found themselves opening their eyes wide in surprise as you and Bakugou simply bowed slightly in hello and walked towards the building in complete silence. It followed inside the elevator, where he willingly stood next to you –you always stood on each side of it to avoid even accidentally touching. Nobody could believe their eyes. Especially when it was your moment to walk out on your floor and he said, “See ya’ around”, and you turned your head towards him and slightly smiled, murmuring a timidly, “You too. Take care outside.”
That day you weren't assigned to work with him, nor the two days after –in which these same actions and words were repeated by both of you every morning– yet you could feel the whispers and gossip around about this neutral ground between you two. Your boss even called you to his office to ask if everything was okay.
You internally laughed at the situation. It was so normal for you to fight with Bakugou that everyone found it weird and worrisome if you didn't. It was actually hilarious.
Wednesday shift had you entering the office at 5 p.m. and would have you leaving at almost 3 a.m. –if the hero assigned to you didn't get caught in a villain fight around that time. So when you were about to take the elevator and its door opened, you almost bumped into a freshly showered and already leaving Bakugou Katsuki.
“Oh, hey…”
“Hey,” he answered back. Both of you took a step out of the elevator, standing right in front of each other. One of his hands flew to the back of his head, scratching it and making small droplets of his still wet hair fall as he spoke, “I was, ummm, gonna talk to you today… but, umm, your shift…”
“Oh yeah, it's night shift today,” you nodded, hands holding the strap of your bag, trying to look casual and not let the nerves be shown. “Yours finished?”
“Yeah, tomorrow's night shift for me.”
“I know, I'm with you tomorrow,” you smiled.
His eyebrows pulled up, nodding in acceptance, “Cool.”
Yours frown, tilting your head a bit to the side, “Is it? Since when?” Now that you think about it, all that neutral ground between you two was very weird. New, but weird.
He rolled his eyes, hands hiding inside the pockets of his jacket.
“Since I'm trynna marry y–”
“Shhhh! Shut it, not here!” He smirked arrogantly. Ah, there's the comeback of the old annoying Bakugou.
“I–...”
“KATSUKI!” 
A screeching yell made the hairs of your arms stand in alert, completely unexpected for you. Yet for the man in front of you was a sound he was very familiar with. He grunted, his mood completely changing into anger as he turned around towards the yell.
“The fuck are you doing here, old hag?”
Oh. His mother.
You have seen her at a distance before, never actually got to meet her personally or even hear her voice –you were glad about that last particular fact though, she sounded awful.
You didn't miss to recognize the position Bakugou had you at the moment when he turned around and covered your small form behind his massive body from his mother to even acknowledge your presence there. You're grateful for his surprising and kind of sensitive tact. He's giving you an out from that, what you know for sure was going to be, a quite tense moment.
“I fucking told you, you need to hurry! I’m not fucking waiting for you any longer!” She yelled again, not caring at all about the place she was nor the people around in the lobby.
Bakugou looked to the side, taking a very deep breath before pinching his nose. His hand then hung loosely on the side of his body, but he kept opening and closing his hand in a fist. Oh wow, he was really holding himself back.
You didn't know what possessed you to do what you did or why, but you acted before thinking.
Your hand flew towards his, holding his trembling fist tightly. You knew it took him by surprise, but he hid it well by standing straighter, body still hiding you behind him. You knew for a fact that his face didn’t show any emotion other than anger, so nothing was amiss. His arm flexed behind him, bringing yours with his, as his hand opened and held yours tightly back.
This had been the very first time you willingly touched him. The first time you actually ever touched him at all. And your eyes couldn't leave the sight of his big hand fully surrounding yours, making you feel smaller than ever. I mean, you had eyes, he was a freaking hulk next to you. But the warm feeling of it enclosing yours securely made you feel safe, protected. It also felt calloused, a hand that was used every day to bring down bad guys and protect a whole nation, if not the world. Yet the warmth in it made your whole body tingle.
Fuck. What was this?
“I fuckin’ told you not to come in the first place,” he didn't need to yell, his voice sounded loud and clear even at the distance.
“HURRY THE FUCK UP!”
You tightened your hold on his hand, just to ground him in support. He sighed, returning the gesture to thank you before saying in his mother's direction, “I'm fuckin’ going, you pain in the ass”, and walked towards her, letting go of your hand.
His mother simply turned and walked in front of him outside of the building. She never realized you had been there the whole time.
The moment had been so stressful, and if that was what Bakugou had to deal with every day since he was born, damn. You actually felt sorry for him.
Thanks to the glass walls of the lobby you could watch the Bakugous walk towards the expensive car waiting for them outside. They were clearly shit-talking to each other the whole way, until before they got inside the car, his mother actually slapped the back of his head strongly. Twice.
A rising rage traveled up your body, hands closing in fists. What the fuck?! Who the fuck did she think she was? Why the hell did she need to fucking hit him like that, twice? Why the hell did she do it at all? Fuck, you were starting to believe in everything Bakugou told you about her.
“You get it now, don't you?” Izuku's voice from behind you made you jump a bit in surprise.
You cleared your throat, looking elsewhere and breathing deeply, trying to clear your head. 
“I don't–”
Izuku's hand raised, making you go silent. “Before you come up with a clever excuse, let me remind you that Kacchan and I have been friends since diapers… and we talk to each other.”
His eyeing made you gulp, but his words were clear enough, “You know then.”
He nodded, hand detaining the elevator’s doors so you both could enter, him after you. “He came to my apartment right after and told me all that happened. I was at the funeral too.”
He didn't need to explain anymore, it was more than clear he was talking about last Sunday when Bakugou asked you to marry him. You knew his father had died sometime Saturday afternoon and that the funeral was held that same night. Bakugou had come to your apartment right after his father had been cremated.
“I know you two fight like cats and dogs all the time, but he's not that bad once you give him a chance. And by what you just saw, I know you understand now why he's always on the defensive.”
You sigh. Damn it, you do. Growing up in an environment like that made you think it was actually a miracle Bakugou turned out the way he did.
“I also know that you agreed to marry him to help him be finally free from his mother,” he confirmed out loud once the doors of the elevator closed and it was just the two of you in there.
“Any advice?”
He chuckled, turning his whole body and looking directly at you, “Be open-minded. Kacchan's mouth sometimes opens before he thinks and his words don't mean what he actually intended, but his actions speak louder than anything.”
You rolled your eyes. Ugh, you were feeling the stress already.
The elevator signaled that you had arrived at your floor, so you sighed, nodding in his way as an answer and walking outside. But before the doors closed, Izuku held them for a bit longer to talk again.
“Also… Be smarter.”
“Than him?” You asked confused.
“Than her.”
And with that, he let the doors close, a smile plastered on his face that told on all the mischief his eyes shined with.
This little… cheeky bastard.
The audacity.
You made a mental note to punch Izuku the next time you bumped into him. On purpose.
Throughout the rest of the day, you couldn't get that image of Bakugou being abused by his own mother out of your head. Because yes, it was fucking abuse. And in fucking public! How many times had this happened already? And why the fuck no one had ever said or done anything against it? Even when he was a kid?!
It was outrageous.
And the fact that Bakugou held himself back, because you knew he did, not only because she was his mother but also because she was a woman –and you could bet she fucking used that at her advantage– only spoke about the kind of man he was.
Bakugou Katsuki is a good man.
You took your cell phone out and searched for his contact number, your fingers flying over the keyboard.
You: Make the appointment for this Friday.
His reply didn't take long.
Bakugou K.: Done.
You took a deep breath. The decision was made. And you were not going to back out from it. Or so you hoped.
Another notification made your phone ring and it was another text message.
Bakugou K.: Thank you.
The beginning of a smile threatened to break out from your mouth as you re-read that message several times. Until the loud pip-ing that alerted a villain attack completely distracted you, or more like, brought you back to reality.
The rest of the days went faster than you expected.
The shift on Wednesday ended on time, miraculously. So at exactly 3 a.m. you were turning off your computer and putting your stuff back in your bag. You had several notifications on your phone but didn't feel like giving them your attention at that moment, choosing to concentrate on clearing your space and going back home. You let out several yawns when you got inside the elevator, holding yourself on the handrail, sleep having you on the verge of passing out tired of the stressful days. For some reason, villains chose that week to be more active than usual, which demanded more of your focus and being in constant alert mode.
When the doors finally opened on the lobby floor, you walked towards the check-in clock to mark the end of your shift. You bowed goodbye to the receptionist and walked towards the entrance of the company. For a moment, you entertained your mind with the idea of taking a taxi to get home faster. But damn it, that was expensive, and you were not going to waste money like that. And even if you wanted to, you couldn't.
You sighed, covering your neck as best as you could with your coat once you crossed the doors, and began your walk in the direction you needed to go. It was a very chilly night, but because it was Spring, you didn't expect such cold weather.
You were thinking about how you'd have to resist this coldness until you got home when you looked up and recognized Bakugou's obviously expensive car and him resting against it, arms crossed over his chest.
“What are you doing here?”
“You didn't check your messages, short-legs?”
You denied, head shaking, “I finished the shift and packed everything. Wanted to leave as soon as possible…”
He snorted, shaking his head, “Get in. I'll take you home.”
“Oh, it's okay. I can walk…”
He frowned, “The fuck you think I would be here for then? Get in the car, dumbass.”
“Geez. Okay! No need to get grumpy, asshole.”
You rounded his car towards the passenger seat and climbed in. He followed and got on the driver's side.
The inside was warm, as the heater had been on. You smiled gladly, rubbing your freezing-cold hands to warm them up faster.
“Can't believe you were planning to walk home. Are you stupid?”
You opened your mouth, ready to fire back, but Izuku's words invaded your mind.
“…Kacchan's mouth sometimes opens before he thinks and his words don't mean what he actually intended, but his actions speak louder than anything…”
You thought for a moment, and it was actually easier than you thought to figure it out. Bakugou wasn't actually trying to insult you. He was worried that you would walk home that early in the morning, when the sun wasn't even out yet, in that weather.
Oh. That changed the perspective entirely.
“Yeah, actually,” you chuckled, hands still rubbing to heat them up. “I can't afford a taxi, and the subway isn't open yet.”
He turned on the car, but his attention was on you, “What you mean you can't afford a stupid taxi? Isn't your pay–…”
You denied, body relaxing a bit over the seat thanks to the warmth as he drove smoothly. You liked warm things. Spring was your favorite season because of it.
“Contrary to common belief, Quirk & Training Specialists don't gain much.”
“What?! Why? I mean… Most of the time is thanks to your area that we heroes are fuckin’ alive.”
“Awww. Thank you for admitting it! Now, would you admit that publicly?”
“Of fuckin’ course I would!”
You smiled, “Well, you would be the first one. Tell me, do you think other heroes would willingly admit that their wins sometimes belong to a ghost that tells them what to do or where to go through their earbuds?”
Your words made him close his mouth. Aha. Touché.
You chuckled, “It's okay, Bakugou. It's my job.”
“Now that I think about it, your name is nowhere to be seen in my reports. It's not even fuckin’ mentioned as a sidekick or something.”
“That's because I'm not a sidekick. I'm just a quirkless person who is observant enough to point you the best way to go. I'm not that important…”
“Shut the fuck up.”
You looked at him, trying to decipher what he meant. He didn't mean to insult you, what he was trying to say is, “don't say that about yourself”.
Wow. Izuku was so right about that advice. You made a mental note to thank him the next time you saw him. After punching him, of course.
The rest of the car ride was silent. But not uncomfortable. The gentle sound of the heater turned on was relaxing enough to even doze you a bit, warm and content.
Bakugou didn't speak until he parked right in front of your apartment building. You immediately noticed you had probably slept the rest of the way.
“I'm sorry, I think I fell asleep.”
“You think?” He chuckled, face looking your way. You snorted back, finding his teasing funny. His crooked smile made tingles run up your arms. Or was it the heater? Yes, that probably was it, the heater.
You cleared your throat and looked down at your seat belt and untied it –wait. You didn't remember putting it on. Did he… Did he put it on you when you fell asleep? Oh, my. You gulped, feeling the tingles run all over your body again. Fuck. You needed to leave that small space you shared with this man, like… now.
But before you did, you looked back at him one more time.
“Thank you… for driving me home,” you pulled a rebellious strand of hair behind your ear and smiled. You were indeed grateful that you actually didn't have to freeze on your way home, so you bowed slightly too.
You were about to open the door when he spoke.
“Wait,” you turned back at him and watched curiously as he opened the compartment, taking out a small folder.
He pushed it in your direction and looked expectantly at you. You took it, a bit doubtful, not quite understanding what it meant.
“I said I would sign a contract if that's what you wanted. It's just a draft, but I put some items in there that I want you to check. You can add some yourself. And if we both agree, we can sign it.”
Oh. “Oh, okay… I'll check it out and let you know.”
He nodded in response and you finally got out of the car and ran through the shocking cold towards your building. Inside the elevator, you pressed the folder over your chest. This felt way more real than what you felt earlier when you made the final decision and texted him.
But something tasted a bit… bitter. Was this something you had to do on your own? Like, the marriage was between the both of you. And while it wasn’t one out of a loving relationship, it was still something that included both. This contract thing felt like something you needed to sit down and review together.
You decided then.
Your hand searched for your phone in your bag, and ignoring all the notifications, you directly made the call.
Not one ring later, he picked up the call.
“Are you o–...”
“Did you leave?” You interrupted him before he could say anything else.
“No, I'm still down here.”
“Umm, are you tired? Cause if you are we can definitely leave it for tomorrow, or better said later, but I slept through the car ride so I'm not that tired anymore, but if you think–”
“Cut the fuckin’ rambling. Go to the point, short-legs.”
You sighed, fingers sliding through your hair and pulling it back. “If you want, he can revise this now. I think it's better if we do it together.”
You heard the intake of a deep breath, a relieved one, before he said, “Yeah… Okay. I'm on my way up.” The sound of the car's door closing confirmed he was on his way.
“Okay.”
“Okay.” He repeated and then ended the call.
It took you both three hours and just one heated discussion to come to terms with each of the items. Both satisfied with the consensual agreements, you brought out your laptop and rewrote it. You printed two copies, one for each, that you both signed. That's how the contract was ready and done. Now the next and final step would be the marriage in front of a judge. That Friday. In one day.
“We need two witnesses,” you reminded him, to which he grunted.
“Right, I forgot about that.”
“Well, we already know who you are picking…”
He pulled up an eyebrow, looking in your direction, “Huh? And who am I picking, know-it-all?”
You rolled your eyes, but smiled nonetheless, “Izuku.”
He tched, not admitting it out loud, but it was obvious you were right.
You chose to let it be and not cause any banter, mostly because you definitely felt more tired than a few hours back.
“Smart-ass. Then who are you picking, mmh?”
You shrugged, “I don't know. I was thinking Mina,” his groan made you chuckle, “but I think Jirou would keep a low profile better.”
“Yeah, good thinking.” You nodded in agreement. You loved Mina, and you knew he did too, but she couldn't keep things down sometimes. And one of the items was to keep a low profile throughout the whole marriage thing. Bakugou hated the press and paparazzi, and you weren't a fan of them either. Even though you had never been the center of attention of them, you actually preferred to keep it that way. On the low and as invisible as possible.
Thursday went very quiet and chill, which was very surprising considering it was Dynamight's shift. Sometimes, villains made you think they had a particular masochistic side and loved appearing whenever Pro Hero Dynamight was around. Some of them even loved to provoke him on purpose so he would yell all those obscenities towards them. And they enjoyed it. Freaks.
But not that Thursday. It had been a very peaceful one. It even found you chatting with Bakugou through the earbuds.
“So what now, ya’ gonna fuckin’ tell me Endeavor is better than All Might?”
“Oh, shut up, you All Might-obsessed-freak! I will admit All Might was huge, but you can't deny Endeavor stood his ground and made big stuff too.”
“Like fuckin’ what?”
“The fight with the nomu–”
“HA! Please! That was child's play. All Might took down AFO.”
“Yeah. But it was Deku who won against him in the end, not him. And All Might only fought twice against AFO. Endeavor killed a powerful nomu.”
“You are so fuckin’ blind!”
“You are the blind one!”
“How could you say Endeavor is better than All Might?!”
“I did not say that!”
“Wait– then what did y–?”
“I just said, Endeavor was N° 1 too. He was a Hero too. He deserves a bit of recognition.”
You could hear Bakugou’s snort, “So you like them complicated and misunderstood…”
Bakugou’s malice in his teasing was palpable, yet you always had an answer for him.
“Well… What does that say about you?”
“Oh, shut the fuck up!”
If you had been paying attention to your surroundings, you would have noticed all your co-workers smiling at your cute banter with Bakugou. Yet you were so invested in it, you didn't notice.
Conversations that also led to getting to know each other a little bit more also happened.
“I like orange. You?”
The question took you by surprise after almost half an hour of silence from both ends. Yet, it didn't surprise you at all his preference in color. It was kind of obvious.
“Figures. It doesn't surprise me at all–”
“What the fuck does that mean?!”
“Mine is purple.”
“Why?”
“Ummm, I don't know. I always pictured that if I had become a Hero, my costume would be purple. I decided that even before I knew if I had a Quirk or not.”
You had said it in a conversational tone, never intended to make him feel some type of way. Yet, he still asked, “And is still your favorite, even after–”
“–after I found out I am quirkless? Yes. Why wouldn't it be?”
“Mmmh,” was his simple answer.
The shift ended peacefully and on time, which both of you were grateful for, considering what the following day was.
When the shift was over, you waited a considerate couple of minutes. Minutes it would take the heroes to come back from their shift to the company. Then, you got inside the elevator but instead of going down, you went one floor up.
Your phone rang with a notification.
Bakugou K.: You asked her yet?
You rolled your eyes. So impatient.
You: No, I'm about to. I'm on your floor.
Bakugou K.: Slow ass.
You still wanted to punch him, sometimes.
You put your phone back inside your bag as you walked towards the girls’ wing of the floor, completely avoiding even looking at the boys' wing way. You knocked two times before Ochako opened the door slightly to look who it was.
“Oh, hi, Y/N!”
“Y/N!”
“Hi!”
“Hello, Y/N.”
“HI BABY!!” 
All the girls present that shift greeted you cheerfully, especially Mina. You greeted back while entering the room and closing the door behind you.
You chatted with all of them here and there as they got changed, not an ounce of shyness between all of you. You were friends with almost all of them, having already worked with the majority of the girls and hung out with them many times. You knew almost all about them. Their sleep faces, their ugly cries, their drunk personalities. All of it. And they knew you too. That's why you didn't need to be subtle at all when you said, “I actually need to speak with Jirou for a moment”. Everyone understood and took it nicely as they hurried a bit their way into their clothes and grabbed their stuff before leaving you two alone. 
All of them knew you and Jirou had a special friendship, a close one. She was the one you always went to when you really needed to confide in someone with something deep within you. The same thing was for Jirou. You were actually the first one of all to know when Denki confessed his feelings to her, and even talked her through her own ‘secret’ feelings for him.
“What's up, buddy?” She straddled one of the benches and sat, patting the place in front of her for you to follow.
You sat in front of her crossing your legs under you, your bag actually forgotten on the floor down the bench.
“I'm going to tell you something, but I need you to keep an open mind and listen to it all before you say anything.”
She jerked her head back a bit, already feeling confused, “You're scaring me already.”
“You have no idea…” You sighed and began the tell-tale.
Her eyes kept opening wider and wider with each thing you told her about what had been happening with you and Bakugou these last days.
What it felt like probably an hour later, you finished with, “So, that's why… we are going to get married tomorrow.”
Jirou fastly stood up, almost jumping a few steps back, and pointed a finger at you.
“That's it! That's why you have been so civil to each other! I knew something was up with– WAIT,” oh yeah, you thought she hadn't quite listened to what you just said. But then it came, “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! Y/N!! YOU'RE FUCKING JOKING.”
You shook your head, “No, I'm not.” The calmness and firm tone in which you answered made her sidetrack tons in her own reaction, as she sat back down in front of you and took your hands in hers.
“Honey, it isn't your obligation to do any of this. You know that, right?”
You smiled, the clear worry in Jirou's eyes warming your little heart. You had such a good friend.
“I do. But I want to do this. For him.” You were sincere, and you knew Jirou could see it in your eyes too.
“Even though you don’t like each other??”
“Even though we don’t like each other.”
You repeated, but your tone was decisive. Jirou looked at you silently for a moment, then sighed and nodded.
“Okay… Whatever you choose, I'm here for and with you.” Your arms immediately surrounded her neck in a hug. She returned it gladly, patting your back in reassurance. “And if he hurts you, just tell me. I'll make him pay.”
You laughed amusingly. “I know you will. But this isn't the only thing I'm here for.”
She groaned, “There's more?! I don't know how much my heart can take...”
“Well, will it survive if I ask you to be my witness tomorrow?”
Jirou's eyes filled with tears before it was her turn to surround your neck in a tight hug.
“I'll take that as a yes,” you both giggled, hugging each other tight.
Twenty minutes later you were both leaving the building of the company and you walked her towards the motorcycle parking lot where she had hers.
“I'll text you the location in the morning.”
“Alright, I can't wait for it!” She said excitedly, but then, she looked more intently at you. “I just want to say, this thing you're doing is beyond heroic. You're literally being a Hero right now.”
Her words touched something inside you that made you want to cry like a baby. Something so deep it made you feel like floating away with the harsh galloping your heart made against your chest. It didn't make sense, yet it actually did.
You gulped looking down at your feet, strongly holding back the cry that threatened to be released right in your throat.
“You need a ride back home?” She asked, completely ignoring –for your sake and out of respect– your glassy eyes.
“I'll take her home,” Bakugou's voice in the distance surprised both of you, yet you had been expecting something like this to happen. Something told you he would be waiting you after his shift.
Jirou looked at you waiting for your approval, and when you nodded, she put on her helmet and turned on her bike. You walked towards where Bakugou was standing with Jirou riding next to you, and when she was next to him, she said, “You better take care of my friend, or I'll come for your ass, don't care you're my friend too.”
Bakugou snorted, “I know you will, Ears.” He smiled, pulling down her face shield to annoy her. She punched him friendly on the shoulder before waving and driving away.
“She said yes then.”
You both began walking towards what you thought he had parked his car. “Yep. What did Izuku say?”
He rolled his eyes, “You know he said yes.”
You smiled, “I know, I was just being friendly and asked.”
“Smart-ass.”
“I am really going to punch you again, don't tempt me.”
“Yeah… If that one punch could be considered a punch, it would be ‘again’.”
“Oh, so you do want me to…”
You tried to reach his shoulder, but this time he was fast enough to dodge it expertly. “You really are slow, huh?” He mocked walking backwards and smirking.
“You want slow, asshole…”
He laughed, turning around and running away as you ran towards him trying to catch him.
He was a stupidly fast idiot.
So now, it is Friday, and you sit right next to Bakugou Katsuki. Both of you are in front of a judge who is officially marrying you. Jirou sits on your left, while Izuku sits on Bakugou's right. And you have just finished writing your signature where the bride's one goes. Bakugou has already signed his. It isn't until you put the pen down on the table that Bakugou stops bouncing his leg and breathes in deep.
You want to laugh, finding his nerves quite funny. But you get it. This means more than just marriage to him.
It's freedom.
And you can't even imagine how nerve-racking that must feel for him. After all these years that he had to follow his mother's command and will just so he could follow his own dream, now he would be free.
That in itself brings you such a happy feeling for him.
If anyone would have ever told you that you would be doing this for none other than Bakugou-annoying ass-Katsuki, you would have sent them to a psychiatrist. Immediately.
Fate is a strange thing.
After the turn for the witnesses to sign, the judge says boringly, “By the authority vested in me by the government of Tokyo, I pronounce you husband and wife.”
He doesn't even wait nor expect the newlyweds to kiss or exchange rings as he closes the book and gives Bakugou the previous enrollment you both signed.
And that is it. You are officially married to Bakugou Katsuki.
“Who are you with on today's shift? What time are you out?”
His questions make you come back to reality after a quiet drive toward the company in his car, which you spend looking at the golden ring that now adorns your left hand. When you look up, the shining of the golden ring on his left hand catches your attention as he circles the steering wheel so the car turns on a corner, the company appearing in your view in the distance.
“Umm, I'm with Izuku. If everything goes well, at 3 a.m.”
“Okay. I’ll come pick you up.”
“Bakugou, it’s okay, I can walk home,” you insist for the nth time.
“Bullshit–”
“–Besides, you have morning patrol tomorrow,” you continue, completely ignoring his dirty mouth, “You can’t interrupt your sleep like this every time I have this shift. You need to be awake for your job.”
He grunts, muttering something that you can’t quite decipher what he said. You roll your eyes, thinking he acts like a petulant child sometimes.
A moment later, Bakugou enters the parking lot with his car, to which you look confused at him. Why is he entering the company on his day off?
He answers even before you can articulate your words, “I need to pick up some unfinished reports I have to turn in tomorrow.”
You pull up an eyebrow, untying the seatbelt and getting out of his car once he finally parks, “Wow. Dynamight is lacking on his paperwork?”
“Shut up, short-legs.”
You snort at his lighthearted insult as you walk together inside the company. But right when you both cross the big doors, Bakugou stops and looks at you. You frown confused, he then motions down with his head and you see his hand open, waiting. Oh, right.
Item n°2: Act like we are in a real relationship. The lawyers for the companies always investigate deeper into each hero, so that their status and validation of mental sanity are correlated.
You put your hand over his, both closing on each other, its warmth making those damn tingles run up your arm. But neither of you says anything as you walk through the lobby of the company holding hands.
Everyone who looks opens their eyes wide, one of the receptionists even spills her coffee drink out of shock. You hold yourself from laughing. Another of the receptionists looks you up and down, a clear disgusted expression on her face. Ops. Well, it’s not like you liked her either.
However, both you and Bakugou walk with your heads held high. You know how shocking and out of character the image of you both holding hands like a couple looks. And fast, everything happened so fast. You can already hear the gossip about whatever this is that you might have with Bakugou is way too fast. But you haven’t done everything you did for them. It is for him. As surprising as that sounds, even for you.
He walks with you towards the clock where you have to mark your entrance, never dropping your hand as you do. Then, you walk together to the elevator waiting for it to arrive. As you wait and look down at your shoes, you feel before you actually see his other hand moving, fingers brushing against your ear when he tugs a strand of your hair that had been over your face. Surprised, you look up at him but still smile in thanks.
Bakugou retracts his hand quickly and puts it inside the pocket of his jacket, looking back at the elevator. You would tease him for the little blush his cheeks are showing, but you decide it’s not the moment, considering how all eyes are on you two.
When it arrives and you get in, standing very close to each other while watching how everyone tries to peep inside to see if you’re still holding hands or if anything else happens between you two, you both jolt a bit when a wild and hurried Izuku suddenly enters the elevator, jacket half off and hair disheveled. He also looks in surprise at you two, eyes traveling down at your connected hands. A shit-eating grin appears on his face as the doors of the elevator close.
“Shut up.”
Bakugou and you speak at the same time.
Izuku snorts, hands in the air in a sign of surrender. “Wasn’t going to say anything…”
“I sense a ‘but’...” You roll your eyes, and Bakugou hums in agreement.
The greenette smiles wider, “But I understand now why everyone was looking like they saw All Might in person.”
Bakugou insults him, just because he always wants to have the final say, making Izuku laugh out loud amused. You decide to ignore both of them until the elevator arrives at your floor.
“Don’t blow up the elevator,” you warn them both after Izuku answers back at Bakugou, just to spite him. Your hand gives Bakugou one last squeeze in goodbye before walking out, “I’m with you today, Izuku.”
“Oh, cool! I’ll get connected in a bit.” You nod in his direction and look at Bakugou one last time, smiling and waving.
The doors close and you don’t get to see him smile back at you.
The shift, as always with Pro Hero Deku, is not calm or chill. It’s hectic and dangerous, and it keeps demanding all your focus and senses on alert.
“You know, sometimes I believe you have a magnet for trouble stuck up in your ass…” you hear Izuku spill the drink he must have been probably about to swallow. You chuckle devilishly. Wow, two times in a day you make someone spill their drink, that must be a record.
“Damn. Not twenty-four hours of being married to him, and you are already influenced.”
“Oh, shut it,” you both laugh amicably.
Again, the pip-ing of alert sounds in your computer. You sigh, “Deku, another threat five streets down where you’re at now.”
“On my way!”
“See? A magnet in your ass…” Izuku laughs.
You both don’t get to chat about another thing that is not your job again for the rest of the shift.
At exactly 3:10 a.m. you let out a tired sigh, stretching your arms above you and moving your body from side to side as gentle cracks sound from your backbone. After Deku pushes a villain inside a police car and looks at it drive away for a moment, his yawn that you hear through the earbuds passed on to you as you involuntarily copy the action.
“That was the last one. I’m going back,” you agree with him as you press the option on the system that notifies everyone on the shift that your hero is coming back to headquarters.
“Done.”
“Thanks, Y/N, great work today!”
“You did it all, buddy.”
“Oh, no! None of us heroes could do it without you. All of you, really.”
You frown, a bit surprised. I mean, Izuku is always polite and thanks you after every shift, but today feels different. Like he is purposely saying that, as if he knew someone important was listening to their connection.
“You are… welcome?” You actually don’t know what to say. He simply chuckles.
By orders from your area, you can't leave until Deku’s entered the company back again, so you use that time to finish gathering your things and closing the system.
“I'm back. Wait for me, Y/N. I'll take you home,” not longer than five minutes later Izuku says through the earbuds.
“Oh. You don't have–”
“Kacchan asked me to.”
His words shut you up. But he doesn't wait for your answer as he finally disconnects the communication. 
And you're left there, frozen for a moment, assimilating his words. Bakugou asked Izuku to take you home. He asked his best friend to take care of you, even when he knew Izuku would do it or offer on his own. Izuku always rode you home when you had night shifts together. Bakugou surely knows that. Then, why even mention it to his friend? Why personally ask Izuku to help you? Because… Bakugou didn't enter the company only for his unfinished paperwork. He did it to talk to Izuku. Was this… Bakugou taking care of you because you were married? Or because he wanted to?
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