#manages to sabotage almost everything they get close to. brings bad luck to everyone

[diwatya]

hmm... ok initially i drew my first week college experiences to cope but i made it into a tf2 self insert. there's no lore to it. backstory is that i was stupid got so lost and found myself in teufort new mexico in the 1960s

[animeyanderelover]

Como seria ser compartilhada por todos os uchihas yandere(indra, madara, obito, itachi, sasuke)

Sorry hun, that doesn’t work with all of them, at least I can’t think of any scenario possible. There’s a huge time gap between all of them, not to mention that we have a few who aren’t willing to share. But I didn’t want to reject this, so I decided to change it a bit and use a few of the Uchiha in here. Tbh, two from whom I think that they would make a great combo.

Request: How would it be if all of the Uchiha shared a darling?

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, possessiveness, obsessiveness, stalking, manipulation, sabotage

Itachi and Shisui sharing a darling (non massacre AU)

🍡🍂I really wanted to write about those two so I chose them because I feel like they would make such a great duo. Sorry if this isn’t what you wanted😔. Reason why those two would work so well together is rather simple. Because both of them have such an amazing self-control and so much patience with their darling. Let’s take a deeper look into this, shall we?

🍡🍂If two persons fall for the same person and are Yandere, there are three different ways how to react to this. The first one is trying to get the darling for themselves whilst also trying to kill each other. The second one is where a poly relationship is made, but with a lot of problems since the Yanderes don’t get along. And the last category is where the Yanderes have a very good bond with each other and are willing to share. And with the right Yanderes this can be a blessing for you. And that’s the case with Itachi and Shisui.

🍡🍂They would most likely notice very early on that they share the same attraction to you. An obsession takes time for them so they noticed it in their earliest stages where it didn’t get out of hand too much. And at first I can see then of course as a bit taken aback by that fact, but in the end they would decide that the better one wins, probably even teasing each other a bit about it. But the moment they realized that they lost control over their feelings they would suddenly feel a bit scared of what might happen if they lose control. They don’t want to hurt people without a good reason and for sure don’t want to hurt you and they would also know that the other one feels the same way. So they would form this agreement because they trust each other and because they want to hold each other into check. Because no matter how much they might have control over themself, they still fear that their darker side might slip up.

🍡🍂They most likely tried to forget their feelings or to suppress them for your, their own and other people’s sake. But at one point they won’t be able to push their darker side away and both of them know that.

🍡🍂They’re both geniuses, no doubt about it. And they’ll need that for a reason in here. They’re part of the Uchiha clan and Itachi’s father, Fugaku, is really strict. So I feel like if it comes out that they share you, not to mention how intense they feel for you, it would end in a scandal. Even more if you aren’t even part of the clan. So they have to keep this a secret. I think the only people who would ever find out because both of them decided to tell them are Sasuke and Mikoto. They might be a bit shocked, but at the same time they know how much stress Itachi has to endure and they want him happy, not to mention that they love you and also like Shisui. So they might end up helping the two of them out.

🍡🍂It’s almost scary how easy it’ll be for them to have you figured out after only watching you for a few times. Both of them would choose to watch from time to time from the distance, allowing them to see you act freely. Especially Shisui is very sharp and understands the way humans think and feel in certain situations even better than Itachi does, making it easy for him and Itachi to read you like a open book. And that makes two already very talented manipulative Yanderes even more dangerous. They don’t use manipulation very often, most likely only if they think you’re about to do something reckless, if someone hurts you or if their amazing patience string (for a Yandere that is) wears thin and they’re starting to feel jealous. You will most like not even know how they feel and given their position and the fact that you trust them will give you no reason to suspect it if they give you a friendly advice to stay home or to stay away from this person.

🍡🍂Stalking would be a big thing for those two given that they’re both Anbu. The thing about Shisui and Itachi is that they’re both in a position where others can brush their more warning tendencies, including the stalking, off since both of them have connections after all.

🍡🍂You’re also in a more unique position since both of them are often more busy due to their job as an Anbu. But they try to watch over you as often as possible or to be just near you. They’re both very overprotective after all.

🍡🍂Praise this patience both of them have. You’re allowed to talk to almost everyone you want too as long as they don’t overdo it or you don’t overdo it. Because those two remember everyone’s face who could possess some sort of danger. Be that harming you or eventually possessing the danger of taking you away from them.

🍡🍂A thing to note about those two is their loyalty and devotion for you. It’s known that both of them worked as double spies for the Hokage, proving their unbreaking loyalty to the village. And that’s what will happen with you too. They’re devoted to you. They would never even dare to try to flirt with others and spend much time with you.

🍡🍂They’re pretty much the same, but they’re still a few differences though. I think from both of them Shisui is the more selfish one. If memories serve right he let his teammate die because he was better than him. He refused to give him the medical care he needed, ended in that guy dying. So Shisui is the more jealous one from those two. He still has very high patience, but he’ll lose patience faster than others.

🍡🍂Shisui might also be the one who has higher expectations on his darling than Itachi has. Even more after both of them managed to start a relationship with you. He’s very faithful as mentioned, but also expects the same from you. He’s always watching and will keep a very close eye on you when you’re confronted with a more flirty person. In a relationship Shisui might get the tiniest bit more jealous than before and this would be a test of loyalty for him. Ignore that guy or show him you’re awkward and/or uncomfortable around him and he’s fine. Flirt back and he’ll feel a bit upset. He would never tell you that he saw it unless you really did something that broke his trust in you. But as long as you don’t do this from his side you have a lot more freedom than with many other Yanderes.

🍡🍂Itachi is the more patient Yandere than Shisui is and being the more patient one will hold Shisui back when his patience seems to snap. Itachi is the more selfless Yandere who has a bit more understanding for the situation than Shisui has.

🍡🍂It’s all wonderful with those two as long as they don’t snap. But if that happens than good luck. Because they are dangerous, especially since Shisui’s Mangekyou Sharingan allows him to control people without them even knowing that they’re being controlled. Both are naturally talented and know what they’re doing. It doesn’t happen very often that the darker side of them comes out. It would happen on two occasions. When you break their trust and try to leave them or when someone hurts you.

🍡🍂Cheat on them or try to break up with them and you’ll break their trust, especially if the first possibility happens. As I mentioned, both of them have patience, but I feel like trust, honesty and loyalty would be important for them in a relationship, especially for Shisui. In general they are not willing to hurt you, but Shisui and his Mangekyou Sharingan are a serious threat. You won’t even notice that it’s not your own decision to not leave them and apologize for what you’ve done.

🍡🍂If the latter happens then that person can as well shovel their own grave. It might depend a bit on who that person is. If it’s a villager from the Leaf they might consider not finishing them. The keyword here is might. If they don’t they would be very smart with it, planning everything in the smallest details out. Place, cause of death, reason why, an excuse to where they were at that time. One of them would make the chance to be caught little to not possible. But both? The best of luck to the police force and other Anbu. I can see Itachi taking a bit of advantage of the fact that his father is the head of the police force. Fugaku trusts his son and Itachi would ask in such a casual way that he wouldn’t suspect anything and just answer.

🍡🍂But I also think that keeping this a secret won’t work forever and both of them know this. The fact reminds that they’re part of a clan and there is the high chance that one day the topic marriage will pop up in their families. And then it depends. If you’re not from the clan and/or weak they would start introducing to Itachi and Shisui possible future brides which both of them would reject. If you’re part of the clan and/or very strong and talented then it’s more likely that they’ll bring the suggestion up that you would make a great partner. Problem here would be then that you can only get engaged to one of them and not both. So they also started planning from a very early point on how to handle this, most likely involving the third Hokage in their plans since that man is very open-minded and understanding.

🍡🍂A relationship with both of them might be a bit tiresome because you need to keep it for a very long time a secret. But it could be so much worse if both of them wouldn’t get along with each other. For both it’s important that you’re comfortable with them and as much as their observing can be seen as bad, they’ll always sense when you feel for some reason sad or more depressed and would be always there if you need them.

[lo-55]

Shattered Chains of Fate Ch. 1

Through a misunderstanding and a poorly read application, Ichigo Kurosaki gets a chance internship at the Chaldeas Security Organization. It changes everything.

 It felt good to stand in the sunlight.

 Ichigo had spent so long in Chaldea it felt good to have the sun on his skin, warming him from the outside in.

 He had gotten so used to having the solid presence of his Shielder at his side that standing alone on the platform from the train felt more like standing naked in the streets of his hometown. Not a pleasant feeling. His family wouldn’t be there to see him, and they weren’t. He wasn’t supposed to be home for a few more days at least. How could it be that everything that happened to him, all of the fighting and all of the bloodshed and all of the war would have happened in the span of just a few days? How could his years have been spent and yet nothing but him had changed?

 It was enough to make his head spin.  

 He needed to get home.He didn’t think he could ever really finish explaining everything that had happened to him, but he would tell his family the truth. There had been an accident at the facility, and he was home early.

 Even though it had never been an accident.

 *

 There was smoke. Smoke and the scent of blood and spilling gas lines and raw metal twisted beyond recognition.

 He barely heard Dr. Roman yelling at his back, telling him to come back. Ichigo had never shied from danger and he wasn’t going to start now. He dove into the smoke, choking him and clinging to his clothes. Pods of people were disarrayed around him, their bodies still and blood leaking out like creusom caskets. He couldn’t get their doors open, no matter that he tried, but there was one person who was not there. One person who wasn’t him, blocked from the first mission for his bad attitude towards the Director. Nevermind that the director was just a kid herself.

     “Bulkhead closing in 180 seconds. All Devision 2 personal, evacuate immidiately-”  

 Ichigo didn’t understand what that meant. He didn’t know what most of what had happened today meant, just that his little summer internship wasn’t even remotely what was on the flyer. But he didn’t pause as he scrambled over and massive chunk of rock, stuck through with wires that cut his hands like an oversized porcupine.

 A flash of white out of the corner of his eyes gives her away.

 There, lying under the debris, her small body crushed an broken and leaking blood, was Mash.

 It was Mash but all he could see was Yuzu, her wide eyes huge and terrified and filled with tears. Not a girl he’d met an hour before, after passing out on the floor. Not the best meeting.

 The ground was slick with blood and water, turning Ichigo’s white shirt a pale pink where it splashed on it when he dropped to his knees next to her. She was trapped, and the rock was too big for him to even be able to budge it.

 That didn’t stop Ichigo from trying.

 The overhead voice was still talking, and Mash was muttering at him, her voice too weak to make much sound. She was dying. Dying, her tiny body crushed until she coughed and more than just blood came out.

 Ichigo howled with rage and denial and shoved harder, harder. It was hot and smouldering and his hands blistered and blackened with burns. The light above them changed from blue to red and it burned into his retina until he couldn’t see anything else. Just red. Red blood, red light, and his body gave out. Too much smoke, he couldn't breath, he couldn’t see. He was helpless. He couldn’t do a single thing and its burned more than fire.

 Mash’s small hand found his. Her grip was weak, but she was alive. She was still alive and he couldn't just let her die-

 He grabbed her hand with both of his. Holding tight.

 The overhead was still talking, her voice robotically calm and detached. Small paws from the ferret, or whatever it was that had brought him to Mash landed on top of their joined hands.

 “Sen-pai,” her voice was a whisper, and wet with blood. The smell was making him sick. “Please… r-run.”

 “No way,” he denied firmly, gripping her hands tighter. “Not without you.”

 “Senpai…”

 Someone else is yelling at him. A ripple in the air. White hair and panicked eyes. The director, the one Ichigo had pissed off. He reaches for her without thinking, and his hand grasps hers.

 And then he didn’t see red. He saw blue, light that poured across his skin and came from beneath it, rushing like water across the burning room. A circle in the sky, a hollow moon of blue and Mash’s hand in his.

 * *

 He knocks on the door, feeling more stranger than family. His key is long gone, he’d dropped it somewhere in Rome, he thinks, but its hard to keep track of trivial things like that when emperors are trying to gut you like a fish.

 It’s Yuzu that answers and he can’t help it.

 The second she’d within his sights he drags her into the fiercest hug he can manage. He’s gotten taller, he realizes. It’s not a surprise. He spent three years in less than a week, and even if he hadn’t…

 “Ichigo?” Yuzu doesn’t fight him, and he’s grateful for it. She must be confused, because as much as Ichigo loves his sisters he’s not the most physically affectionate person in the world.

 “Hey,” Ichigo doesn’t let go for a long time. “Sorry I was gone so long.”

 “Huh? But you’re home early…”

 Ichigo doesn’t say anything. He’s loath to let her go, but eventually he has to. Karin is at soccer practice, of course she is.

 Ichigo feels his dad coming at him from a mile away, trying to sneak up on him from the clinic next door. He’d seen Isshin through the window, a glance in the corner of his eye and the flying kick thrown at him isn’t stopped with violence for the first time in ten (thirteen) years.

 Ichigo catching him around his middle, holding him off the ground, and Isshin has little choice but to hand there, his arms around Ichigo’s head.

 “Son?” there’s a question or two or a thousand, but Ichigo doesn’t know how to answer all of them. He doesn’t put Isshin down until they’re in the living room and even then he sits right next to him. Knee to knee. Yuzu brings in a can of tea for him.

 “There was an accident,” he tells them. “Chaldea, there was an explosion. So everyones been sent home.” Everyone who survived. Everyone who made it through the initial explosion and wars that followed.

 “Huh? I thought it was supposed to be a security organization, and there was an explosion?” Isshin scowled.

 It was sabotage. It was death. It was the world turning red and the future being stripped away from human hands.

 “It’s fine,” he says, even though it wasn’t even remotely. There were a million things wrong with what has happened. “I’m not hurt.” Which is true enough. He can see his dad sizing him up, trying to read between the lines. He had to look older. He’s taller, his cheeks are sharper and he’s lost baby fat. He’s always been fit, but now he's stronger, built for endurance and running for weeks on end. Tempered by wars and helplessness and a desperate bid to save the world.

 “I’m fine,” he said again, and Isshin let it go. Ichigo didn’t exactly know how to feel about that.

 He spends the rest of the day flitting from family member to family member. School starts again in four days and he heavily considers skipping it to hang around his      dad    of all people.

 He can’t help thinking about Mash. She didn’t have anything like this.

 * * *

 They move from one fire to another.

 Ichigo knows if he stays among all this smoke he’s going to end up with permanent damage. Because you know. Fuck him. He has no idea what happening, just that he thinks he’s teleported and apparently magic is as real as ghosts are. And he’s not dead, Fou sits on his shoulder.

 He doesn’t know where Mash went but he doesn’t have time to worry about it. Some kind of skeleton gang, at least five of them are approaching. Skeletons, living, breath - well, moving in any case, skeletons. Half of them have swords. One has a spear.

 Ichigo thinks he’s broken his hand when he throws the first punch, but the skeleton crumble into a strange yellow powder that tastes like what Ichigo assumes a graveyard would. Death an d decay and strangely damp.

 He can’t stop with one but by the time he’s kicked the absolute shit out of the last of them the sky lights up with another shade of red. Like a handful stars falling from the sky, and he realizes belatedly that there’s no way for him to block whatever the fuck is flying at him.

 So he tries to run, but there’s a flash of purple and pink and Mash is in front of him. Only she’s taller now, older, and she’s holding a shield bigger than her body is. She’s not alone. White hair, snake-yellow eyes. Olga Marie, the director that had been pissed at a ‘commoner’ like Ichigo was with her too. Only, she wasn’t really there.

 It had been years since Ichigo hadn’t been able to tell the dead from the living, but this time it takes him a few minutes to realize that Mash is very much alive, if not apparently a magical girl, and Olga Marie is anything but alive.

 They don’t have time to worry about it, because they’re under seige and Ichigo is apparently a      wizard    .

 He should seriously be more surprised.

 But he’s not. It explains a few things. Like how he can see ghosts on the regular, and why his punching skeletons actually works.

 They pick up another stray on their way, a wizard named Cu Chulainn. He and Mash swear themselves to Ichigo as his ‘servents’, familiars who he supplies with energy and they fight on his behalf. It almost reminds him of Chad, except here he’s entirely outclassed.

 The helplessness tastes bitter and vile.

 A third servent appears, a woman this time who likes to turn people to stone.

 “You’ll all join my garden,” she tells them, hanging off a petrified man. Ichigo can vaguely remember reading something about a person like this. The eyes, he thinks. It’s her eyes.

 He meets them squarely and bonks her harmlessly on the head. He’d have more luck punching the statues than her.

 “Hey,” his voice is gruff. “Stop being a lunatic. We’re all getting out of here. So either come with us or let us go.”

 “You- what?” Everyone is staring at him. Bewildered, but Ichigo had never done what he was supposed to. He does what he wants, and even though she’s threatened them somehow he can feel her. Like the rush of scales across his skin, cool and potentially threatening but if she really wanted to kill them-

 Well, they’d just been hanging out by the river. If nothing else should have taken his head off with her curved spear.

 “Am I gonna have to repeat myself? Damn, I said we’ve got bigger things to do than fight you, lady. So just come with us, or let us go!”

 “Master!” Mash takes a startled step towards him. “Please step away from her! She could kill you!”

 “Why would she do that?” Ichigo demanded, turning towards them, “We haven’t even done anything!” It’s not like he’s against fighting. He fights all the time. But they need to get out of here. He needs to get back to his family, to his own damn      time    .

 Besides that, he can see her power. He isn’t sure how, but he can see her strength and that of the two other Servants. Not see, maybe, but he can feel it. Like he can feel ghosts even with his eyes closed. Either way, she’s not strong enough to beat both of the others at once, even if Mash is a novice.

 “This is a war…”

 “Look,” he spun to face her, staring fearlessly into her eyes. “Just say yes or no already!”

 She blinks. Once, twice, thrice.

 “Yes?”

 So with three servants in toe, he sets out to fight the ones who holds the holy grail. All of this destruction, a city of fire devoid of the living and ghosts both... Only servants and masters remained, all because of a cup.

 All for the sake of a wish.

 Was it really worth it?  

 * * * *

 Ichigo’s bed is equal points familiar and foreign.

 He ends up going to sleep on the floor, the bed too soft and too warm and he feels like he’s going to suffocate.

 All he can think of are late nights spent in Chaldea with Mash, with Roman, and Di Vinci, and countless others. He misses the solid presence of Mash and her near encyclopedic knowledge of history. Everywhere , everywhen they went. He misses the sharp bite of Mordreds tongue betrayed by her sea-dark eyes. He missed the quiet, hulking form of Asterios, always well within reach. He missed the sharp bite of his guard dogs tongue and the quiet prayers of the saints at sunset. Even Kiyohime, her claws digging into his arm, afraid she’ll be abandoned again-

 He’s up before dawn.

 Ichigo puts together enough breakfast for twenty people. Rolled omelette and rice and foreign things. Shakshuka and fried green tomatoes.

 His family stares when they come down for breakfast.

 Ichigo stands, in his dads ‘kiss the cook’ apron, with a bowl of matcha stirring swiftly in his hands.

 “Are you sure you’re okay?” Karin asks, looking him up and down, trying to find something. Isshin’s stare is particularly disconcerting. Like a scientist trying to understand something new, he’s never seen his father look that way, especially not at his own son.

 Ichigo has to turn away from their staring.

 “The time is different there,” is the understatement of the century. “I wanted to make breakfast.”

 “There’s enough here for an army!” Yuzu cries, gesturing to the spread out in front of them.

 Or enough for two Berserkers.

 “We can have leftovers for lunch?” is about the only explanation he has. How does he explain that he used to cooking with EMIYA enough for an actual army?

 “Yeah… I guess so,” Karin is still staring.

 Isshin pitches himself at the portrait of their mother, sobbing grossly.

 “Masaki! Our son is growing up so fast!”  

 * * * * *

 Lev Lainur has an ugly smile. Everything about him is slimy and distrustful and Ichigo has seen enough ghosts to know, just by looking at him, that he is      not    human.

 So when Olga Marie tries to go running to him, Ichigo wraps a firm arm around her middle and holds her back.

 “Let go!” she shrieked, clawing towards the slimy man, “It’s Lev! Lev will fix everything he’ll-”

 “He’ll kill you.”

 Olga Marie freezes in his arms, looking towards Medusa. Rider. Her eyes are narrowed and her hair writhes with snakes, hissing a spitting venom.

 “Kill her?” Lev laughs, a sound like metal grating and children screaming. There’s nothing pleasant about it. “I already have! I planted that bomb directly under her feet, I have no idea how she’s even here!”

 Ichigo knows.

 It’s because of him. Because of his interference in the explosion. The other hand he’d grabbed, it must have been Marie’s. And they’re all here together.

 “W-wait, no. I’m not dead! I can’t be!” But the fight goes out of her. She lets Ichigo hold her, and when Lev beacons gravity shifts and the world tries to pull Olga Marie from his arms. He tightens his hold and barks at Medusa. Chain snake out, lashing them together and to the ground and holding them there, even as Lev pulls until it feels like his skin will come off. Ichigo can feel it again, the drain on his energy. Mana, magic energy, pulled when the servants fought. He has no idea how much he has but it must be just enough for Lev to scoff.

 He shows them the red earth again. The world, the future. Humanity, all gone. Destroyed in an instant, and they the only survivors. All of the past, all of the future.

 There is nothing left of it, save him, Mash, and the ghost in his arms.

 Something inside him writhes and snarls, thirsting for vengeance and at the same time is keens a wailing cry of anguish.

 It’s his mother all over again. Laying on the riverbank, bleeding out and Ichigo helpless in her arms.

 It’s Mash in the command room, crushed under burning stone and Ichigo only able to hold her hand.

 No, no, no, no!

 He won’t allow it. He will not let himself be so      useless    .

 There’s a flare of energy and Medusa gasps. Mash and Cu straighten up like dogs that heard a whistle and their fight turn on a dime. The archer falls, and his king a second later until all five of them stand before Lev. United.

 * * * * * *

 School starts.

 The world turns on.

 Everything is the same, and nothing is at all.

 * * * * * * * *

[chocoluckchipz]

The Other You - 5

Read it on A03, FF.net, WattPad

< Previous

Marinette set her phone back on her desk, suppressing a long sigh.

Deep down, she knew it was unfair of her, but part of her was somewhat glad that Alya was worried about her whereabouts. For the past few days, she had been receiving a constant string of texts, first asking if she was okay, then wondering if she was safe. In the end, Alya began to beg her best friend to at least give her a sign, confirming that she was, at the very least, alive.

But Marinette couldn’t.

The wound was too fresh, the hurt still too vivid.

She didn’t want to go back to their apartment, a home where questions never ceased, where she couldn’t focus on her already withering career without being guilt-tripped. Marinette snuck in only once after leaving, at a time she knew neither Alya nor Nino would be home. And only because, as the Guardian, she couldn’t leave the Miracle Box at a place she no longer lived.

Her daily phone calls with her parents went by quickly, telling them she was staying with a friend, looking at different options and reevaluating her life. Aside from that, she ostensively ignored a thousand calls from Alya and a few hundred from Nino.

But no matter how much her friends were worried about her, no matter how her parents thought she was making all the wrong life choices, Marinette knew that pursuing her lifelong dream was worth it in the end. Reaching the goal would make it all worth it.

She had to pull through, had to continue even if it killed her in the end. She had to carry Gabriel Agreste’s work beyond the grave and prevent his up-to-no-good son from wrecking years of sacrifice, late hours of work, and lonely holidays. Gabriel’s first women’s line was almost ready to launch, and she had sworn to herself that everything would go smoothly even if there were a few sacrifices to be made along the way.

And now that the goal was so close, almost in her hands, she couldn’t imagine giving up on it. So, she ignored the stubbornly chiming little device on her desk and got back to work, trying yet again to figure out what her former boss had intended to do with a particular design.

A few hours later, she dropped her pen on her desk, holding her head in her hands. It was no use. The fire in her veins was drowned out; the inspiration was gone. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t envision what Gabriel had been trying to convey, what his intention with that final design had been.

She grabbed her sewing shears and started cutting through some fabric she had laying around, trying to empty her mind from the constant nagging, the constant wondering about whether or not her late boss had intended Design A to be flirty or Design B to be sassy. She lost herself in the cutting of the best quality cloth, her fingers running over the fibres with reverence as she lay them against the dress she was currently working on. Maybe seeing the samples on the dress itself would help her understand?

“Long time no see, Princess.”

Marinette almost jumped out of her skin upon hearing those words, her shears falling to the floor with a clatter. She spun around, ready to fend off the intruder with her very life should the need arise.

The sudden motion after what little food she had eaten in the last few days made her dizzy. The room wobbled around her, and her limbs felt unbearably heavy. A familiar face came into view, one that looked oddly out of place in her office, one that she only ever saw on random rooftops these days.

Despite being happy to see him, she opened her mouth to ask him to leave, to put her partner back into the ‘superhero life’ where he belonged, where he couldn’t witness firsthand the mess her life had become. But her lips refused to obey. Her legs gave out underneath her, and everything went black.

The next thing she was aware of was strong arms holding her upright in her office chair and something wet pressing against her lips. Marinette suppressed a surprised cough as cold water filled her mouth, bringing her back to her senses. Warm fingers covered in leather gently stroked her cheek as a familiar voice spoke to her.

“Marinette? Look at me. Are you okay?”

She choked out half mumbled words, her head still spinning. Her eyes managed to focus on a vivid patch of green—Chat Noir’s eyes.

“Ch… Cha… W—”

Marinette tried to get up, but he was quicker than her, forcibly holding her shoulders down. “Easy there, Tiger. That was a pretty bad fainting spell.”

She looked at him through her hazy vision, focusing on his soothing voice. “How… How long was I out?”

“About five minutes or so. Come on, I’m taking you home. You need a real meal and a few hours of sleep in a bed.”

She gave a disheartened laugh. “Good luck with that, Chat Noir. You can’t take me home.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” the hero argued stubbornly. “You can’t weigh more than a few feathers; you’re barely skin and bones. When was the last time you had a proper meal?”

She didn’t answer, instead averting her gaze away from him. His proximity was beginning to mess with her head. Her entire being craved his comforting touch, the familiar safety of his arms. Chat Noir wasn’t done with her though, as he gently nudged her chin up, worry written all over his handsome face.

“You’ve lost an awful lot of weight, Marinette. Please, please tell me you’re not starving yourself to look like those unhealthy models placed all over Paris. You’re a very beautiful woman. You don’t need to go to such lengths to feel attractive.”

His tone was earnest, gentle, and any other day, Marinette would’ve thought Chat Noir’s concern was nothing short of adorable. That night, though, she was way beyond exhausted and had apparently just wasted a good amount of precious time she could’ve spent working.

With a frustrated groan, she eyed the mess on her desk. “Don’t worry about me, Chat Noir. I’m fine. I have a housing issue to solve, but right now I’m just running short on time. Those mockups have to leave first thing in the morning, and I can’t afford to miss the deadline.”

He looked almost shocked. “Are you saying you have nowhere to go?”

“I’m fine, Chat—”

“You are far from fine, Marinette. Where’s the bubbly and adorable teenager who shared her cookies with me on her balcony a few years back?”

“You don’t understand, Chat. I have to make this work. Failure is not an option.”

He grabbed her hand. “Why are you putting yourself through this insanity? I’ve seen what you’re capable of, Marinette. Any fashion empire in France would be happy to have you. This entire company is going down in flames, and everyone’s already abandoning the sinking ship. Why are you staying?”

“Because without Gabriel Agreste behind me, I’m no one in the industry,” she cried. “I don’t have anything worthy to put on my CV. How do you expect me to find a job like this?”

“But… You went to ESMOD, didn’t you?”

“I never graduated. Gabriel found me and offered me a paid apprenticeship instead of wasting my time on school benches. It seemed like the perfect solution back then. I would get an early start in the industry without racking up student debt,” she sighed, her head hanging low. “But now, without a degree to show for myself and with Gabriel gone…”

She trailed off, but Chat Noir seemed to understand what her entire problem was, because he breathed softly, “Your only chance to prove your worth in the industry is to make sure his last collection is a hit and gives you the recognition you deserve.”

“In a nutshell, yes.” Marinette looked to the side, tensing. “And as if that wasn’t enough, his nut-job of a son is back in my life.”

“Not a fan of the younger Agreste, I take it?”

Marinette snorted inelegantly, shaking her head dejectedly. “That’s the understatement of the year.”

Chat Noir flinched, but now that the gates were open, Marinette couldn’t for the life of her figure out how to close them. He was still kneeling in front of her, looking at her with those big, kind eyes that always made her weak in the knees, and for a fleeting moment, she forgot about everything else.

Like she had done countless times before, she raised her hand to cup his cheek tenderly, losing herself in his intense gaze. She didn’t hear Chat Noir’s surprised hiccup, nor did she realize it was the very first time her bare fingers were touching his skin.

“You know what the worst part in all this is, Chat?” she said, unaware of the sharp intake of breath from the man before her because she shouldn’t be that comfortable, that familiar with him. “I used to be friends with Adrien. I would’ve done anything for him, would’ve gone to the moon and back just to put a smile on his face. But he betrayed me the first chance he got, tried to sabotage my dream for no good reason. He…”

Her voice broke, and she choked back a sob, tears rolling unbidden down her cheeks. Chat Noir surged forward, wrapping his arms around her in a warm embrace to try and appease the pain she failed to contain. What he didn’t account for, though, was Marinette’s current state of mind. She needed her partner more than anything at that moment. Her entire being was yearning painfully for his comforting touch as a wave of affection for him washed over her heart.

Without thinking, the absence of the red spandex suit long forgotten, Marinette tilted her head, her eyes fluttering closed. Her lips found his easily in the semi-darkness of the room, and she found solace in the familiar scent of his cologne, the comforting feeling of his muscular arms holding her close to his broad chest. His lips were a little chapped, and he tasted of coffee and the salt of her tears, and Marinette had never felt more at home than in that moment.

For a brief and blissful moment, his lips moved in harmony with hers, making her heart soar high. Then, Chat's entire body went rigid beneath her hands and just as fast as it had begun, it was over. His hands wrapped around her wrists and pried her hands from him as he jerked back with a startled gasp, staring at her with a shocked expression. His lips moved a few times without any sound coming out of them, before he managed to hoarsely choke out, “Ah—shit. I’m sorry, Marinette. I shouldn’t have—”

Hearing her own name roll from his lips in such an unfamiliar way brought her back to her senses, and the weight of what she had just done crashed on her all at once. Her heart felt like it was bursting at the seams, unable to contain the contradictory emotions fighting within it. “I’m sorry,” she sighed, her cheeks still wet from her earlier tears. “You love her, don’t you? Ladybug?”

Oddly enough, when Chat Noir nodded with a fiery blush spread on his cheeks, Marinette felt her heart torn to pieces in her chest.

“I have to go, but I really want to help you here, okay? I owe you for all those cookies on your balcony years ago. I’ll… ah… I’ll figure out something and come back as soon as I can, okay? I’m sorry—try to grab a bite to eat while you wait for me. You’re as white as a ghost.”

“Chat…” Her voice was barely above a whisper, and he took a step back, his hand clenched tightly around his staff. Had he seen her expression change? Was he suddenly unable to bear the sight of her? Before she could say anything, he was gone without another word, an open window being the only proof that he had ever been there.

Breathless, her heart pounding almost painfully in her chest, Marinette plopped back into her chair, unaware of the tears running freely down her face. In the oppressive silence of her office, she whispered to herself, “Shit… I broke my kitty, didn’t I?” before letting out a loud sob.

The only thread tethering her to sanity was now threatening to break.

Next >

[real-jaune-isms]

RWBY Volume 8 Chapter 13 Review/Remix

We should have guessed something would go wrong. Things were going way too right at the end of the last chapter. But shit didn’t just hit the fan, it hit the ground and then bounced over the edge into an abyss. And with only the finale chapter left in this Volume, I can’t imagine how they’re going to fix all of this before we have to wait another year for more good news.

Since we can’t have bad without first knowing good, the writers are kind enough to open this episode with some hope. Jaune’s half of the group, that is to say JNR plus Oscar and Emerald, see one of the portals open for them in the communications room. They don’t know if people will actually know to use these things to evacuate without the message Jaune was trying to send, so they decide to do some portal hopping and spread the word on foot. But first they have to make sure these things actually work, so they need to send a giunea pig through. Just his luck, they send Jaune and it does not pair well with his history of motion sickness. He doesn’t hurl, but he does land on his face and rise to his hands and knees when he safely comes out the other side of what looked like the trippy space rift from 2001 a Space Odyssey. The others follow close behind and take a moment to be in awe of this pocket dimension they find themselves in. Jaune recovers quickly and takes command. He and Nora will be going from portal to portal spreading the word about evacuation to Vacuo, while Ren Oscar and Emerald will be leading the pack and calling Shade Academy once they’re in Vacuo that they need to prep for hundreds of refugees. They part ways and Oscar gives a playful little salute, then Jaune leaps over the edge of the platform they were on. Someone should have told him about Ambrosius’ dire warning last week... Okay fine, we see a frame or two of him opening his shield so clearly he’s gliding down to the nearest other portal not falling into the void. Meanwhile Nora is once again riding Magnhild like a rocket powered broomstick to fly away into a portal of her own. We abruptly cut to a subway station where everyone is comedically hiding behind the stairway and peek out to look at the portal before them. One civilian is coaxed into stepping forward and checking it out, so he throws a rock at it. Because his luck continues to screw him over, Jaune comes through at that exact moment and gets hit on the head with the rock. His sudden appearance scares everyone into diving behind the stairs again, but they do peek out once more after taking a second to realize they just saw a person come through to talk to them. Jaune pulls out his Scroll to show them his Huntsman license so they’ll take him seriously, and presumably it works out great. We see Penny and RWBY coming in through their own portal and likewise being amazed by Ambrosius’ handiwork before seeing other people starting to pour in while Nora and Jaune are calling out directions and reassurances, such as the Happy Huntresses and the refugees under their protection. They wonder aloud about how few people have come through yet, but the priority is getting Penny and the Staff into Vacuo safely so they’ve got to trust Jaune’s team with this. Speaking of Vacuo and Jaune’s team, we see what happens when the green team gets into the desert outside the city. There’s an intense sandstorm raging around the area where the portal lets them out, and they can’t see which way to go to reach Shade. Worse still, cell service is down so they can’t call anyone. And civilians are starting to come through into this chaos so it’s just getting worse and worse. Ren can mask them from any Grimm that might catch a whiff of all that negativity, but only for so long.

As Nora is leaving one crowd of incoming civies to go help bring in another, Cinder arrives hiding beneath a cloak and we see her give a little smirk. Next thing we know, and explosion goes off and at least a dozen innocent people are launched into the void below. Irreversible consequences there, as far as we know, and it causes a real panic. Team RWBY tell Penny to just keep going into Vacuo while they deal with this, and we see Cinder gleefully flying around looking for the object of her hatred. She spots which way the team is heading and blasts some fire in the path to cut Ruby off. Cinder makes a clear reference to something Oscar said in an earlier conversation the heroes shared, and this throws the girls for a bit of a loop but they’re still ready to throw down. 

With a swing of Crescent Rose, we cut back to Cinder and Watts meeting with Neo in the alleyway. She’s learned you catch more flies with honey than vinegar, so she apologizes for how she’s treated Neo and promises she will get the revenge she wants so badly this time, but in order to do that Cinder will need to use the Lamp. Neo reluctantly does some magic of her own and pulls the Lamp out of her hat. The two glare at each other for a moment as Neo refuses to let it go, but she conceded and through unknown means tells Cinder the password. Maybe she wrote it on her Scroll and showed her? Either way, Cinder uses the final question to ask to be shown what Team RWBY’s plan is for the handoff with Ironwood. Jinn seems upset to hear she has to go against those nice kids, but the rules of her existence must be obeyed so she grants it anyway. I got some real “Jafar steals the lamp from Aladdin” vibes, and I can’t say I minded being reminded of that great Disney film. Cinder’s trio get to see every conversation the heroes have planning out all the successes we just saw last episode, and now we know they’re totally prepared to make it go wrong at every turn. Seeing Cinder so in control and prepared brought me back to Volume 3 where she was at her most dangerous as a villain, and that’s not a bad thing. It’s been a long time coming and justifies her continuation as a threat. What quelled the pit in my stomach a bit was the look of betrayal when Cinder realized Emerald switched sides on her. She recovers quickly and suggests they help Watts finish what he started and tear the Kingdom down with his intellect. To that end they break into Atlas central command and slaughter just about everybody inside. This would seem to include that devil of the workplace Bill who spilled coffee and microwaved salmon at work. And if that was Velvet’s dad as we liked to theorize, then that’s a real shame. The ladies leave Watts to his work, but on her way out Cinder tells Watts this is everything he deserves, possibly as a way to mend bridges between them. I prefer to hope she sealed that door shut behind her and she’s leaving him to die with the plummeting city because she’s still mad he roasted her. We see that Jaune’s warning broadcast getting cut short was indeed Watt’s doing, and just to be more of an asshole he wipes a bloodstain off an apple and eats it while he does so. With that sabotage taken care of he shifts focus to the airship hangar where the birds are cuffing the Ace Ops. But they only manage to restrain Elm before Watts sends an AK (Atlesian Knight) into the area and has it charge right at them primed to self destruct. It almost gets Robyn but Marrow jumps in the way and is knocked out. That means his Semblance wears off and Harriet is free to sprint into the airship the bomb is still loaded on to. She’s intent on finishing this last mission even if it means killing herself. Vine runs after her and manages to grab the closing cargo door with his stretchy arms before it’s too late. Robyn and Qrow are left quite worried.

Speaking of desperately destructive military personnel, Ironwood regains consciousness in his cell to the sound of crumbling debris and the realization of his failure at the hands of these teens. Jacques is in the next cell and wastes no time criticizing him for failing to keep Atlas afloat. He’s happy to gloat that his fellow man has lost, though he does wistfully admit he’s lost too. Ironwood looks like he might have a breakdown as he processes the fact that all his efforts have been foiled and he can’t be the hero of this situation, that those he thinks are the dangerous insurrection who will ruin everything are going to win... when he hears a buzzing sound. The door to his cell seems to be glitching before shutting down entirely. He’s hesitant to walk out but it stays deactivated and he finds his weapons just casually lying on the ground a few yards away from his cell. Jacques seems to not understand there are consequences to insulting a person every chance you can get and pleads for James to let him out of his cell too. Ironwood just silently loads up his big laser gun and turns it on the door of Jacques’ cell. Sure, he’ll open the door, he says emotionlessly. And the man opens fire. Jacques has a moment to realize what’s happening and seems fearful, but he lost the pity of the FNDM 4 Volumes ago. Whatever Ironwood calls this cannon of his, it leaves behind green fire and annihilates Jacques’ cell... and him along with it. Weiss’ father in name alone is dead and the Schnee family will never get a chance to settle things properly with him for how he treated them. Weiss arresting him, Winter promising him Weiss wants him to be rescued from the falling city, gods only know what Willow had said to him last, and whatever obedience Whitley showed him before he was dragged off to jail. There are the last things they said to him and they have to live with that forever. Question is, who’s going to tell them Jimmy did the deed? He’s got no time to do so, he’s a man with a mission. 

We go from one fiery dilemma to another as Team RWBY are still struggling to deal with Cinder even 4 on 1. She flies upward and creates a cyclone of fire beneath her to make it that much harder to reach her, before complimenting the team on the depth of their plan. She acknowledges she wouldn’t have been able to deal with it by herself, so in a way she’s grateful these girls taught her to ask for help. That help indeed comes from Neo, who’s approaching in disguise from behind Ruby. Yang notices Neo approaching, and charges in to push Ruby out of the way. But that means Yang takes the hit instead, and it takes out the last of her Aura. She hits the ground hard, and tumbles over the edge of the platform. In a threefold shot we see Neo mad that someone got in the way of her surprise attack, while Ruby and Weiss are freaking out and Blake immediately sprints past the latter to try and make a save. She throws Gambol Shroud as far as the ribbon will let it go, but it’s not far enough. Yang falls into the void below, dissolving into gold sparkles once she reaches a certain depth. This has all seemingly happened in a matter of seconds, which would explain why Ruby didn’t have enough time to get back on her feet from being shoved to the ground and use her Semblance to try and save her sister, and why Weiss didn’t have a chance to try and catch her on any glyphs or summon a Lancer to ride down and catch her. She’s not the fastest with making those summons anyway, she’s still got some room for improvement before she can make instant saves in that way. Long story short, 

Don’t give the writers shit for having Blake be the only one able to try and help.

The fact that she fails to save her partner is of course very upsetting for Blake and she screams Yang’s name with all the appropriate despair and sorrow. Ruby doesn’t have a lot of time to process the fact that her sister may have just died since Neo wastes no time attacking her and all her focus has to go into self defense and trying to win that fight. We can see in the background Weiss holding Blake back, because this poor woman seems to want nothing more than to dive in after Yang either out of suicidal despair or a last feverish hope that she survived and can be rescued. The denial and depression soon turns to anger though, and she grabs her weapon with a look of murderous rage before charging in to attack Neo for what she did. She grabs Neo with her ribbon and tries to slice her in two, but it’s just an illusion and the real one is fighting with Ruby heading up a pathway towards one of the portals. Weiss turns her attention back to Cinder, and is doing an okay job of holding her own but not getting any hits in of her own. The tables seem like they could turn for our protagonists when Penny flies in to join the fight and punches Cinder in the face. But Weiss didn’t want Penny getting involved, and Cinder seems pretty glad to get another rematch with her. And she certainly is more prepared this time, compared to Penny who tries to summon her swords and forgot she doesn’t have them anymore. She takes a hit and lands in a crowd of civilians, though she does land on her feet and quickly improvise by making some new swords with her magic and then flying back into the fray. Weiss skates on her glyphs up a path to get a better vantage point, and pulls Cinder out of attack mode with a black holding glyph that seems to yank on her like gravity. Turns out the glyphs are vulnerable to fire though, so Cinder burns through it and quickly finds where Weiss is so she can send a flurry of fiery glass blades her way. Weiss happened to choose a spot right by 3 portals so there’s about a dozen innocent bystanders around her that are in danger. She thinks fast and summons her Knight’s sword to shield them, but some of the blades do go through a portal and send some other people diving for cover in the train station. Jaune is there to defend some of them with his shield, and immediately realizes the evacuation job just got a lot harder. Unfortunately for Weiss, these glass shards superheat and explode at her feet, sending her flying off the platform. She still has Aura though, and catches herself on a glyph to catch her breath. In the meantime, Cinder goes back on the defensive against Penny and Ladybug continue to tag team against Neo. Blake hears screaming and realizes she could also try and help Weiss and Penny deal with Cinder, but feels really conflicted about it. Who needs her more, can she just give up on getting vengeance for Yang? What can she even do against a Maiden? She just doesn’t know.

Back in the skies, Harriet is getting close to Mantle when she gets an alert of a disturbance in the airship’s cargo hold. Putting the controls on autopilot, she goes down to check on it and sees Vine made it aboard. She’s about to arm the bomb, but he stops her and voices his thoughts that this may not be the best plan for them anymore, much to her annoyance. She asks him if this is really the side he wants to take here and now, and he doesn’t want to call it a divide like that. But he lays out the facts: Their commanding officer has been deposed so his authority is moot, the city is going down and there’s likely going to be no stopping that, and the people are going to be brought to safety regardless. So why bother bombing a city full of innocents whose other options are run away to the barren desert or be crushed under a giant hunk of rock? But Harriet isn’t having that shit. It’s the principle of the matter, it’s about following through and standing with her decisions. If she’s not obeying what Ironwood ordered... then what is she anymore? To disobey him or let the teens continue their rescue efforts means acknowledging they’re in the right and she’s wrong. And after the last few days of seeing them as her enemy and losing a fight to them... her pride just won’t allow it. She has to see this through, because it’s what Clover would have done. He was a good soldier, he died doing what the general told him he had to. Vine admits that doesn’t mean he was right to die on that hill. He wasn’t an infallible paragon of good judgment. Harriet doesn’t like hearing that either, but she can’t seem to find the right words to defend her stance on Clover. Probably because those words are something to the tune of “Clover was my friend, and I want to do right by him because I miss him dearly”. But to say that would mean the Ace Ops were also wrong after the mission in the mines, when they were so condescending in telling Team RWBY that you have to just be coworkers with your team and you can’t be friends. And she seems to prefer suicide bombing death over admitting some teenagers knew more about friendship and teamwork than her and her squad. That ego and temper really need some working on, and one starts to worry she’s too far gone to ever get a chance at working on them. Before Vine can give some heartfelt reassurances about being allowed to feel their feelings for each other the airship gets bumped hard and Harriet goes back into angry work first mode. She arms the bomb and tries to dump Vine out the cargo doors before rushing back up to the cockpit and regaining control of the ship. The bumping was caused by Robyn flying another airship into them to try and keep the bomb from being delivered, because how was she to know Vine was about to defuse the whole situation? She does have the good sense to let up on her efforts and come around behind the other airship to rescue Vine when she sees he’s hanging on for dear life. In the meantime, Harriet has to deal with another angry bird as Qrow uses his bird form to fly right up to her windshield and turns back at the last second to crash through the glass and tackle her to the floor. The two fall down the ladder back into the cargo hold, where Qrow seems ready and willing to give Harriet the rematch she’s been wanting so badly. But since nobody’s at the controls and Harriet didn’t turn autopilot back on, the ship’s going to crash... except it’s not because Watts overwrites that too and makes sure the bomb is gonna get where he wants it to.

Down in the Vault, Winter is trying to call any of the teens she can reach to get an update on the plan’s progress. No signal, we know now to thank Watts for that, but what she does find is a red dot appearing on the ground and quickly moving to the center of her chest. She promptly realizes its a laser sight and puts up a glyph to shield herself, but it’s a real strong green blast. Ironwood is coming down the elevator with his greek fire cannon, and he fully intents to put his former lieutenant down for betraying him. For all his paranoia he never thought she would stab him in the back, but that’s just what happens when you have good people at your side while you go mad with power. James tries one last time to insist he knows the right course of action for Atlas. Winter should just step aside and let him kill Team RWBY to reclaim the Staff and Make Atlas Floating Again. But she won’t back down, it is her job and her passion to protect Atlas and its people, and she’s not quitting in the face of this new enemy of the peace. Because Ironwood is the villain here, as much as he thinks he’s right. The extremes he considers necessary are too far. Ironwood actually sheds a tear when faced with this declaration, but I think it’s the last of his heart and humanity leaving as he shuts himself off from all but his machine like devotion to the cause.

Back in the Vacuan desert, Ren’s Aura runs out after spending a few minutes masking thousands of refugees, and the three green teens wonder where the heck Penny is, since she should have been among the first through the portal and her Maiden powers would be able to make quick work of the sandstorm. Oscar grows especially concerned and tries to run back into the pocket dimension to go check on her, but he hits the portal hard and gets bounced back. Oz realizes this new issue is Ambrosius’ doing, and we flashback to when Weiss was telling the big blue builder how to make the central location and all its portals. She happened to use the phrase “a one-way ticket to Vacuo”, since they had no intention of going back to the crashing Atlas. But Ambros took that too literally in the wrong way, and made the Vacuo portal the only one to be one way. They can hop around between Atlas portals all they want, but once you’re in Vacuo there’s no going back to help with the fight they don’t even know is happening yet. But these three have problems of their own, because bat-like Grimm are swarming in and attacking the unguarded civilians. We end the episode there, and boy am I not ready for the finale to only make things worse before 8 months of no resolutions. Are you?

[hms-chill]

Charred Senses

Summary: Henry is in London, he's in pain, and Alex is stuck an ocean away.

By the time Alex hears the news, Henry is in a London hospital. Bea's been hurt. She was on her way to a parliament meeting with her mom, in a car that was supposed to be carrying her grandmother. Something went wrong, an act of terrorism or some sort of sabotage or just bad luck. Alex isn't sure of the details; he'd stopped listening the minute Cash told him that both Bea and Catherine were in the hospital. They crashed. Catherine is expected to make a full recovery, but Bea's side of the car was hit much more directly. She's in critical condition.

Henry was in the air when it happened, coming back to the U.S. for a big gala supporting the Brooklyn youth shelter that night. He'd turned around the minute his pilot heard what happened. He's in London now, probably sitting by himself, waiting for Bea to get out of a surgery that she might not survive. Pez was somewhere, Australia or South Africa or China or Antarctica, and he'll be in London eventually, but not for a long time. Henry is sitting in a room, alone, scared to death, and with no one coming to keep him company for hours. He just has to sit and hope all by himself.

And he's told Cash not to let Alex leave until after the gala.

They're supposed to give a speech together; a welcome speech for the gala they were supposed to host together. It's their biggest annual fundraiser by a long shot; it's what supports at least a dozen scholarships of one form or another and often leads to a massive uptick in sponsorships, a program where someone with money covers the costs of housing one of the kids who desperately needs it. And Henry told Cash in no uncertain terms that Alex is not to leave the country until it's over. Nora, June, and Raf are all coming to help him, but he has to be there, and he has to give the speech.

He goes home between class and the gala, when he should be going to the airport to pick Henry up, mostly because he's not sure where else to go. Home feels wrong; it's empty and awful without Henry there, taking a nap on the couch to beat jet lag or making Alex go over the speech again. Alex had been all ready for him to come home. He'd cleaned the whole house and started a nice lunch and everything. Now, coming in by himself just feels wrong. He tries to pack, since he'll be going to London the second Cash lets him, but he can't focus or think about anything but Henry, sitting alone in a hospital. Eventually, he just sits on the floor with David, surrounded by half-packed clothes, pretending to watch Parks and Rec as it plays on the TV in front of him. He's texted Henry a few times, to no response, and he's trying not to overthink what that might mean.

Nora comes, her hair and makeup done and her dress in a bag so she can be there until the gala. She helps him pack and gets out what he should wear for the night, then she brings him a plate of food and sits on the bed behind him, combing her fingers through his hair and trying to reassure him. It doesn't work, exactly; she's rambling about statistical outcomes at a speed his brain is too muddled to follow, but it's better than being alone. When Henry doesn't answer his calls, she can remind Alex that he's probably just overwhelmed. When Pez texts that he's delayed by a storm somewhere around Paris, Nora can reassure Alex that Henry will be okay, that he's got Shaan and some PPOs he trusts to look after him. He has people there to help until Pez gets there.

But when Pez finally, finally gets to the hospital, he doesn't have much time between comforting Henry and finding out what's wrong. He manages a few short updates, just enough to keep Alex glued to his phone like his and Bea's lives depend on it. The updates come in slowly.

Bea's out of surgery after a few hours. She's in critical condition.

Catherine is okay, but unconscious. Phillip is with her.

Time is passing, and Bea is unconscious, and Henry is hurting, and Alex isn't there.

He calls that night, on his way to the gala, but it goes to voicemail. He leaves the longest message the phone will let him, just telling Henry over and over that he is brave, and tough, and that Alex will be there as soon as he can. When he finally runs out of space on the voicemail, he has a text from Henry, his first in hours:

"My senses are charred. I shall feel again as soon as I dare, but now I must not.” — Owen to Sassoon, October 1918

Alex just closes his eyes, leaning back in the seat. He'd fought June and Nora about his sitting in the middle seat, but now he's glad as June pulls him into a hug and Nora rubs his arm. They remind him that Henry is going to be okay, that he has Pez with him and that Alex will be there for him by England's morning. It doesn't help. Henry, his Henry, is an ocean away, his heart breaking and Alex's falling apart right next to it.

The rest of the drive passes in a blur. They get to the gala, and Alex feels Nora and June at his side, the speech folded in his pocket. Somehow, he makes manageable small talk for almost an hour while people find their seats, the girls helping take over when he gets overwhelmed. But he can thank people for coming and encourage them to interact with the kids from the youth shelter who've come out for the night, deflecting from himself however he can. If he focuses on the kids, he can keep at least half his brain busy with that. That only leaves half his brain to worry about Henry.

Finally, finally, it's time for the speech. He's just introducing the shelter and MCing for the night, but he's supposed to be doing it with Henry. He goes on stage anyway, trying to ignore Henry's absence as he spreads the speech Henry wrote out on the podium in front of him, resting his hands on the side of the podium so they don't shake.

"Friends, Romans, countrymen. Lend me your-- sorry, that's... that's the wrong speech." There are a few scattered laughs, and Alex looks up to say, "Sorry, Henry wrote that. I told him it wasn't funny, but he wouldn't take it out. Don't blame me."

That gets more laughter, but it also reminds Alex that Henry's not there. He's spent the night explaining why he can't be for everyone who asks, but it's different to stand in front of all of them alone. It's been so long since he gave a speech without Henry there to support him, doing it now feels almost like presenting in his underwear.

Henry's absence is a constant ache for the rest of the night. When he sits backstage and texts Pez for updates instead of listening to Raf's speech, Alex is missing Henry. When he goes out to introduce different groups of kids to perform in a talent show, he misses Henry. And after the show, after everything is over, he misses Henry, but Cash says he can't leave. June and Nora promise to help him, but he misses Henry so much he thinks he might die.

From Pez's texts and what Cash has heard, Bea's not in good condition. Catherine is awake and stable, but she's on a lot of pain meds. Henry's chased his grandmother out twice, and Phillip has been in once and tried to help, but he's mostly busy keeping his mom company. Mostly, it's just Henry and Pez watching Bea suffer, and Alex wants nothing more than to be there. Not even seeing Raf and Professor Westbrook from his constitutional law class hitting it off is enough to pull him back to the event at hand, though he does take note of it for later.

Eventually, it's late enough and enough people have left that Cash will let Alex slip out the back. Nora and June both have massive hugs for him, and then he's going, going toward Henry as fast as anyone will take him. He calls again from the plane, and he's about to leave another message when Henry's shaking voice says, "Alex?"

"Baby. I'm coming. I'm on a plane; I'm on my way. I love you."

"I... I love you. Please hurry?"

"As fast as I can, I swear. I could have been there now, but you wanted me at the gala. Cash wouldn't let me leave."

"How... how was it?"

"Are you sure--"

"Distract me, please. Pez went for breakfast half an hour ago."

So Alex talks about the gala, and about the kids, until Pez comes back and Henry says he's alright and it only halfway sounds like a lie. After he hangs up, Alex texts Pez again, and Pez tells him that Bea's stable now, but it's a fragile stability. She's nowhere near out of the woods. Alex wants to scream. He wants to yell at the pilot to go faster, even though he knows they're going as fast as they can. He wants to be there already. He wants to warp or travel back in time so that he can already be holding Henry close and telling him it will be okay.

He barely lets the plane stop before he's at the door, barely waits for the steps to be locked down and the door opened before he's making a beeline for the waiting car. It's 9 AM London time, meaning it's 4 AM in New York. He hasn't slept, so he should probably be tired, but he's too stressed for that. Henry is so close now; Alex could swear he can feel him. They pull up to the hospital as he's reviewing the directions Pez sent, and then he's all but jumping from the car, leaving Cash to get his bag as he finally runs toward Henry.

The hospital is bigger than he'd expected, but between Pez's directions and the signs on the walls, he manages to find the room. Shaan opens the door for him before he says anything. He sees Pez first, napping on the couch. Then Bea, in the bed, and finally Henry, in the chair beside her, legs pulled up to his chest as he stares at her. He's wearing all the stress and fear of the past sixteen and a half hours on his face, but he looks up as Alex comes in. He lets out a bit of a whimper escape and holds out his arms, and Alex is there to scoop him up and hold him close. Somehow, he gets Henry in his lap in the chair, holding him tightly as he wraps his arms around Alex's neck and sobs into Alex's shoulder.

"I love you. I love you. I'm sorry I wasn't here sooner. It'll be alright; I love you. I'm sorry," Alex says softly, holding Henry close and trying not to think about the pit inside of him, the way that every bad thing will hurt that much more. He tries hard not to think about how Bea is the one who helped him understand how things hurt Henry, or about how she might be the only person who understands everything there is to know about Henry and the only one who has always loved him unconditionally. Bea has always loved Henry with everything in her. And now, she's lying beside them, and no matter how much Alex knows she's alive, it's hard to believe.

Henry's sobs eventually die down, slowly but surely replaced by quiet snores. He seems so precious, suddenly; Alex has to take a moment just looking at him to process it. The tears on his cheeks, the mussed hair, the crumpled shirt covering a heart that refuses to stop beating even in the face of the worst the world has to offer. All these little things that make Henry strong in his fragility, tough in his pain, indomitable even in tragedy. Alex isn't sure he's ever been so desperately, heartbreakingly in love. He's not sure what to do other than to pull Henry closer, to press a kiss to the side of his head just above his ear and hold still so he can sleep.

So Pez naps on the couch. Henry sleeps in Alex's lap, slowly but surely making Alex's legs fall asleep, too. A nurse comes in, and Alex finally gets to ask the million questions that have been building up inside him since he got the news. The answers turn out to be the same ones he's been getting from everyone else, but that uncertainty somehow feels better when it's coated in professional jargon. Cash appears when the nurse leaves, a coffee with cinnamon in his hand to help Alex stay awake, keeping a quiet vigil over the three sleeping Brits.

Eventually, Pez wakes up and steps out to get an update on Catherine and bring them a meal that's probably lunch. Alex promises to stay awake, looking after two of the toughest people he knows. He's on his third coffee and still fighting sleep when the steady beat of the heart rate monitor changes. At first, he's sure he imagined it. But it is faster, he's sure. He's trying to wake Henry up gently when he sees Bea's hand shift, and he looks up to see her eyes open, a soft smile fixed on the two of them. Alex can't believe it.

"Bea?"

"Hello, love."

"Bea! Henry, H, Baby, you've got to-- he was awake for ages, I swear, he-- Bea's awake." Henry's awake now, too, blinking before nuzzling back into Alex's shoulder, only to pull back so quickly that he almost falls out of the chair when he processes what Alex has said. Alex keeps him safe, laughing a bit as Henry turns to grab Bea's hand and ask, "Bea? You... you're okay?"

"I'm okay. Or I guess... I guess maybe 'I'm going to be okay' is a better way to phrase it. But I'm alright. I'm here. Oh, Hen, it's okay. I'm not going anywhere, I promise."

He's pulled her into a careful hug, crying, and she rubs his back. She makes eye contact with Alex and gives him a little smile, and he says, "We're glad to have you back with us. You gave us quite the scare."

"Is... have I been out long? Is Mum..."

"She's alright. Still recovering, but alright. And it's... it's been just shy of a day since the crash. I... I think you've been out the whole time; he wouldn't let me come right away. He said I had to give a speech at a fundraiser for the youth center first." Bea laughs a bit, giving Henry a little squeeze. He's not crying, but he doesn't seem to be planning on moving away any time soon, either.

"Selfless to a fault," she says softly, like the beautiful thing it is. Henry gives her another gentle squeeze, then pulls back, fresh tear tracks on his cheeks but a smile on his face. Bea gives them both one of her punk-rock grins, and in a moment of clarity, Alex knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that they're going to come out of this stronger than ever.

On AO3

Notes:

I saw this Wilfred Owen quote, written a month before the end of WWI and only a few weeks before Owen would die, and I knew I had to write something with it. So I went, "what would hurt Henry the most?" and I decided this was it. - A massive thanks to Maggie (@bibliosoph) for helping me title things!

-

If you liked this and want to/are able to buy me a ko-fi, I’d appreciate it a ton! 

[princessamericachavez]

What If

OKAY LISTEN WHAT IF FJORD AND JESTER HAD MET EACH OTHER BEFORE THEIR BACKSTORIES BEGAN

Just picture it:

So it’s still a couple days before their next job and Vandran wants to do something for the crew to lift their morale so he tells them all to dress up nice and takes them out in the town to a Lavish Chateau show

Fjord is nervous AF and half sure he’s going to encounter some sort of trouble to get into such a fancy place, but Vandran knows his way around people and with some extra coin they are given a table in the back

This place is fancier than anywhere he’s been to in his life and he’s nervous and cautiously excited, trying to take every little detail in while he can

...which is how his eyes catch the blue girl switching up the labels in the bar. 

She knows herself caught and freezes entirely, wide eyes set on him with a hint of panic. 

Until Fjord picks up his drink and takes a dramatic big gulp, turning a blind eye. 

From the corner of his eye, he can see the smile spread across the girl’s face as she quickly finishes off her shenanigans and disappears back into the shadows. 

Two minutes later, he sees a man’s face twist with sudden disgust before spitting his coffee all over his companions. 

Fjord nearly chokes with his drink too, chuckling to himself.

“What’s that about, kid?” Vandran asks. He’s never seen Fjord laugh like that, so light, almost young. 

“Nothing,” Fjord brushes off, coyly, which earns him a suspicious side-eye. 

Somewhere in the room’s shadows, he finds the girl again and watches as her features transform. Her skin turns human, tanned and still sparkled by freckles, her hair dark black, her horns and tail disappear.

Damn. That’s impressive. Fjord is almost jealous, but mostly he feels his curiosity peeked as the girl —now dressed as a waitress— makes her way into the room, purposely beelining between the tables.

“Where are you going?” Vandran asks when he stands up. “Show’s about to start.”

“Just going to hit the bathroom quickly. I’ll be right back,” Fjord mumbles and makes his way across the room. He manages to catch her eye before turning and disappearing in the same dark corner where he saw her change her appearance.

Hoping he didn’t miscalculate, he waits for a couple minutes, holding his breath, until he’s joined by the girl, still in disguise.

“Hi,” she whispers. 

“Hi,” he replies. “That was... that was an impressive trick you did.”

“What trick?”

“The disguise.”

“Oh,” she smiles, as the illusion fades away and her skin turns ocean blue once more. “A friend taught me that. Did you like it? Woah. You’re a lot more handsome than I thought when I saw you from far away, you know? Hi. I’m Jester.”

It takes him a second to catch up with the torrent of words coming out of her, but he manages to shake the hand she’s holding out for him and stutter his own name back.

“So, hum, what were you doing out there as a waitress?”

“Shush. The show is about to start,” she elbows him in the ribs and points his attention to the stairs. 

Both of them watch the Ruby’s presentation mesmerized.

“That was amazing,” Fjord whispers.

“Isn’t she incredible?” Jester asks, smiling widely. 

“She is,” Fjord nods. 

“Oh, look, look, here it comes,” Jester points across the room, just as one fancy lady stands up to clap... accidentally pulling with her sleeve at the wig of the gentleman by her side, revealing a very bold and round head that he immediately tries to cover up with the tablecloth. 

Fjord and Jester both burst out laughing. He can’t remember the last time he laughed like this, and she’s smiling at him with pride and joy, not a single hint of distrust.

“Thanks for not telling on me before, by the way,” Jester smiles.

“Do you- do you come here very often?” He asks, feeling something funny turn in his chest.

“Well... yes. Technically. It’s kind of a long story, really, but yes I spend a lot of time here. Do you come often?”

“First time,” he says, but certainly won’t be the last one, he thinks.

She no longer seems to be paying attention to him, though. Her smile has faded and her expression is twisted with some sort of annoyance. He follows her eyes and finds a well-dressed man making his way up the stairs where the Ruby disappeared a few minutes ago.

“Who’s that?”

“Lord Sharpe,” Jester hisses. “He’s a huge dick. Well, technically, really, he’s not that big of a dick, you know, physically, but he’s a huge dick in his personality.”

The sudden turn of conversation hits Fjord like a truck and he finds himself struggling to find the right words to talk to this tiny pretty girl who is suddenly talking about dick sizes with him.

“Uh-”

“Ah, shit. I gotta go,” she jumps, sending him a look. “It was nice meeting you, Fjord. Stay away from the salt shakers. Bye!”

Before he can say or do anything more, she disappears running around a corner.

The following night, Fjord puts on his nicest clothes. He slicks his windswept hair down and cleans up as much as he can. Vandran comments on it, of course, and Fjord just says he’d like to visit the Chateau once more.

“Don’t get too hooked on that fine life, son. Men like us can’t afford to spend like that too often.”

“I’ve got most of my pay saved up, anyway. I don’t think one more night before we sail off again would be too bad.”

Without Vandran covering the prices, he’s pretty sure at least half his wages will go down in one or two drinks at the Chateau, but it’ll be worth it if he can talk to that curious girl again.

One night can’t hurt. 

But one night is not meant to happen. The Chateau is closed and the man at the door dryly informs him that after the day’s events the Ruby has chosen to take a couple days off. 

He doesn’t have a couple days, though, he’s about to leave for weeks on this new job. 

Grumbling to himself about his shit luck, he walks down the street back to the docks... until a blue shadow catches his eye.

There’s a sudden wave of excitement that rushes through him when he recognizes Jester hiding in a nearby alley as if she was an old trusted friend and not a girl he barely met the night before. 

“Hey! Hey, Jester!” He hushes as he reaches the corner where he saw her. 

“Ah!” A ray of light hits him in the chest and pushes him against the alley’s war. “Oh shit. Shit. Shit. Fjord, I’m sorry!” Still dazed, he feels a hand press against his shirt and a wave of warmth spread through him, making the pain disappear. Jester is still talking nonstop, apologizing and berating him for scaring her like that.

“What’s with the violent reaction, though?” He grumbles, rubbing at his chest where the pain is long gone but the nice warmth lingers. 

He’s mostly joking, but she doesn’t smile back. Now that the initial surprise has worn off, he can see a new kind of puffiness to her face, tear tracks still wet down her cheeks. She looks scared.

“What’s wrong?”

And Jester breaks. She tells him everything, about her mother, about Lord Sharpe, about her joke, about the new price on her head.

“Come with me,” he says. 

“What?”

“Come with me,” he insists, putting a hand on her shoulder. “I- I don’t have any magic like you do, or money, or power... but I’ve got a ship. Well, I work on one, and we’re living town at dawn. You could come with, keep your head low. I’m sure Vandran won’t mind if I bring a friend.”

“We are friends?”

And Fjord catches himself and tries to mumble an excuse but somehow that slip up is enough for her to smile and nod and give him a quiet “okay, okay let’s go.”

So they rush through the night, holding on to each other, and all the time all Fjord can think of is he needs to find a way to help this girl, because she’s sweet and warm and funny and damn him he cares for some reason and refuses to stand by while she faces an unfair death sentence.

It takes him a while to convince Vandran, who at first is suspicious of Fjord’s sudden urgency to help this girl. Something changes midway through the conversation, though, because Fjord has never really asked anything of him other than a chance to prove himself, because Vandran knows how lonely Fjord is even amongst the crew, because he too was once young and running away from his bad choices, because it takes crossing exactly five words with Jester for Vandran to understand something that Fjord’s oblivious ass will probably take months to puzzle together.

And so, at dawn, they sail away.

Jester makes herself useful. Both Fjord and Vandran are delightedly impressed to find out about the tiny tiefling’s strength, she heals any sailors that get hurt on the job, makes everyone laugh and even when they fall victims of her pranks the whole ship seems to be in a better mood than ever.

“You shouldn’t have brought her on board,” Sabien tells Fjord one evening as Jester is excitedly talking with the crew about the possibility of becoming a sailor like her father and finding him during this trip.

“What are you talking about?” Fjord frowns at him. He glances at Jester again. She seems to fit in surprisingly well. 

“A ship ain’t no place for a girl,” Sabien insists. “You’ve just put her and all of us in more danger.”

“She’s better off here than in land where they want her dead.”

“We’ll see,” the half-elf says, ominously, and walks away. 

Fjord thinks an idiot.

Then, Fjord thinks he might be right because the storm that’s rocking their ship came out of fucking nowhere and it does not look good. 

Vandran is barking orders at the crew and Fjord is running around trying to make sure everyone is strapped in and knows their job. 

“Jester! Get below deck! What are you doing?!” 

“I can help!” She insists, holding on to two ropes and pulling them with a strength that doesn’t seem to fit her body. 

“It’s too dangerous! Go back in!”

She seems annoyed for a second, angry at him as she yells a prideful “fine!” and hands her ropes to another man who immediately struggles with them. 

Fjord watches her march inside, and his eyes catch Sabien following closely.

What the hell does he think he’s doing?

Things happen pretty much the same. 

Fjord finds Sabien about to sabotage the ship and gets a knife to the chest as an answer to his questions. 

But as he stumbles after him to warn Vandran, Jester comes to find him. 

She heals his wounds and helps him upstairs, back to the rain, back to the storm, back to the shouting and howling winds. 

The explosion sends them both overboard. All he can do is hug her to shield her from the firey hit.

Jester hits the water hard but makes it out with ease. She’s always been a good swimmer. 

Except Fjord is nowhere to be seen. The ship is sinking quickly, everything is chaotic, and she can’t find Fjord no matter how hard she screams his name. 

Desperate, she dives in. Once. Twice. Thrice. Until she catches a glimpse of his white shirt in the dark depths. Mentally praying to the Traveler, she swims after him, manages to grab him and pull him back to the surface. 

It takes all of her strength to keep them both afloat. Each gigantic wave seems determined to drag her down, but she fights it, holding on to Fjord with one arm and trying to swim with the other. 

The night feels eternal, the storm roars furiously, and eventually, they are both pulled into the cold darkness of the ocean.

A dark presence lingers on her mind, tries to pull her in with whispered promises of salvation, but the familiar warmth of the Traveler’s presence envelops her and hisses at the false serpent until it backs away. 

Mine, he seems to say.

Fjord wakes on on the shore, alive to his own surprise. To his right, there’s a sword he’s never seen before in his life. Something about it calls him, pulling in like a magnet, but none of it matters right now because, to his left, Jester is laying on the beach.

She’s not moving.

Fjord stumbles over to her, searches for a pulse, for a heartbeat, for a breath, but he gets nothing. 

Sabien’s words ring in the back of his mind.

“No, no, no, c’mon, Jester, don’t do this,” he whispers as his hands press her chest rhythmically. 

He puts his lips to her and tries to fill her lungs with water. 

Nothing.

And Fjord prays. He prays to whatever god might be listening, promises whatever it will take.

Something listens.

He can feel the deal being sealed, deep in his gut.

Jester’s eyes open suddenly and she bends over to cough out sea water. 

“Fjord?”

He just hugs her, tightly. She’s the only thing he didn’t lose.

They camp on the beach that night. 

“Where did you get that sword?”

“It’s a falchion,” he says, unsure of how he even knows that. “I don’t know. It was next to me when I woke up.”

“Maybe it’s magical or something!” She says, excitedly.

“I don’t know, Jester. I don’t think so,” he chuckles.

“Well, maybe it is! Maybe it belonged to a mermaid or something!”

Fjord is surprised she can still smile after everything they’ve been through, but her excitement is contagious. 

“Maybe,” he concedes.

“Well, if it is, it would be very cool, don’t you think? I could show you some tricks or something!”

He nods and she seems satisfied.

It’s fine, he thinks. Whatever comes next, they’ll face it together.

“You ever heard of the Solstice Academy, Jester?”

[moonbokrk]

                                                      MGA Season 4 || Episode 2

                                              Panel Audition - Rapping and Singing

                             Song: Spring Day - BTS (02:04-03:34 [sped up slightly for time])

                                            Style: x [Pretend his hair is wavy ahahaha]

Everything in the house had been regulated to mere white noise when Moonbok saw himself appear on the television. He... He’d made it? He’d actually gotten past the first round of auditions despite his inexperience?! After he’d nearly made a fool of himself during his rap audition and his singing audition hadn’t been anything spectacular? It felt surreal and all Moonbok could do was stare blankly at his own image on the screen.

Then the moment was broken by Chaewon’s shrieking; his little sister nearly sending the both of them off the sofa with the force of the hug she gave him, even while delivering a dire warning to Moonbok that he’d better not lose to Junmyeon. It was almost a rib crushing hug, but it let Moonbok realize that he wasn’t dreaming. That this was really happening.

He had taken the first step. No matter what, this was just the beginning.

Arriving at the studio, Moonbok flicked through his Instagram and twitter feeds, still somewhat stunned that he’d gotten so many new followers in such a short space of time. Hopefully he wouldn’t be letting them down. Stretching and hiding a yawn in case any of the cameras were filming, Moonbok adjusted the glasses he’d chosen over his normal contact lenses. Hopefully, they’d add a certain cute charm to his appearance, given what Mnet seemed to have already set up for him and Junmyeon. He then reached up and undid his braid, letting his now wavy hair flow around his face. Checking his reflection using the selfie-mode (yet again) on his phone, he deemed himself as looking as best as possible, given that he’d spent half the previous night staring blankly at the ceiling.

Casting his eyes around the room, Moonbok smiled as he spotted some familiar faces in the growing crowd. There was Changmin, who was starting to get a little overexcited, though he wasn’t as bad as Lee Daehwi, who looked ready to explode. As he promptly engaged Changmin in conversation once the younger boy had spotted him, Moonbok kept glancing around the room, as the rest of the contestants filtered in. Some of them pairing off into small groups (one of which Daehwi was included in, much to Moonbok’s relief) others kept to themselves, no doubt rehearsing their performances in their head.

The arrival of past contestants caused a slight stir, with some of the newbies looking either intimidated or disgruntled that previous MGA contestants were allowed to participate on the same level. Although Moonbok had no particular problem with it, he could see their point. Alas, he was too starstruck by the appearances of Kim Sua and Kim Hyuna, though he tried to keep his face in as calm and carefree expression as possible. Before he’d even realized how much time had passed, Moonbok felt his stomach lurch as they were all called into the recording studio. Now it was really happening.

                                                                          ***

Eyes wide, Moonbok couldn’t help but swivel his head around the studio, glad he wasn’t the only one who seemed to have their breath taken away. The sight of the five managers arriving to the top table sent a flash of both excitement and anxiety through him, and Moonbok swallowed hard, resisting the urge to run a hand through his hair. (If only to keep it from being messed up after all the effort he’d put into it the previous night)

“This is really getting serious, isn’t it?” he muttered to himself, stomach clenching once more as he followed the progress of Baek Jiyoung and Tiger JK as they took their seats. The CEOs of the two companies he’d do anything for to be able to sign with were less than twenty steps away from the stage. Less than twenty steps from him, once it was his turn.

In a way, Moonbok was glad he was one of the first to perform; the thought of being the one of last made his heart race. That said, his heart was racing anyways; after all, as one of the first performers, he and the others would set the tone for the audition. What if he messed up like he felt he had during the first round?

Making his way to his designated seat, he couldn’t help but clutch at it in slight fear. He desperately tried to remember the tip Lee Sunmi had given him over twitter. Taking a deep breath, Moonbok prayed silently until he was able to unclench his hands from the bottom of the chair and bring them to his knees. Finally calm again, he was able to return Doyeon’s smile and wish of good luck before his eyes turned sharp as the panel auditions began, analyzing his competition.

And what competition he was up against. The fact that there were so many dancers made Moonbok regret not trying to come up with a choreography of his own, but perhaps it was the best. Given his luck, he’d end up on his ass three seconds in, and goodbye MGAs. Junmyeon’s performance cause his anxiety to rare its head up once again, that shot of the both of them from the first episode replaying in his mind, forcing him to to close his eyes tightly for a moment while he murmured his mantra yet again. That said, Yongguk’s ukulele playing made him break out in a grin and he was captivated until the end of the performance and his own name was suddenly called out.

Oh God. This was it, no turning back now. Once again, he replayed Sunmi’s words in his mind as he approached the stage, letting out a breath as he took his place.

“You are the BEST thing to walk in there until you sabotage yourself.”

In position, Moonbok turned his head towards the top table, he smiled and offered a slight wave to the CEOs before speaking; glad that his voice was still steady, despite his nerves, even if he could tell his cheeks were bright red.

“Hello, I’m Jang Moonbok, aged 22! It’s an honor to be here and I hope I can live up to everyone’s expectations~” Laughing softly, still amazed about some of the comments about him floating about him online. But this was no time to become distracted by that, not if he wanted to progress.

“Today, I’ll be rapping and singing along to BTS’ Spring Day. ....And I hope you don’t mind me dedicating it to my cousin who lives outside Korea.”

Closing his eyes and taking a breath in, missing any reaction to his statement; instead imagining his cousin was standing beyond the camera and grinning at him, Moonbok let out his breath and threw himself into the song.

Did you change? Or did I change? I hate even this moment that is passing I guess we changed I guess that’s how everything is

Yeah I hate you Although you left There hasn’t been a day that I have forgotten you Honestly, I miss you But now I’ll erase you Because that will hurt less than resenting you

Despite the harsh words of the rap and his tone of voice, nothing could have been further than the truth. He didn’t hate his cousin for leaving, how could he? It had just been circumstances. But the sadness still lingered. Moonbok could feel the emotion creeping into his voice, but instead of letting it overwhelm him like last time, he simply let the emotions wash over him and flow through the rap.

I’m blowing out the cold you Like smoke, like white smoke I say that I’m gonna erase you But actually, I still can’t let you go

As the rap shifted to singing, Moonbok’s tone and previous wild gestures shifted with it, almost become demure. His voice took on a soft tone, louder than a whisper, but quieter than his rap. Smiling inwardly at the noises of astonishment behind him (after all, the other contestants had only seen his rap audition), Moonbok let his voice raise in volume but still stay soft as the song built up to the chorus.

Snowflakes are falling Getting farther away I miss you (I miss you) I miss you (I miss you) How much more do I have to wait? How many more nights do I have to stay up? Until I can see you? (until I can see you?) Until I can meet you? (until I can meet you?)

He couldn’t dance, of course. He wasn’t even going to try. But that didn’t stop him from swaying on stage to the rhythm of the song, letting himself get lost in it. One hand on his heart, the other stretched out as though he was reaching for his cousin beyond the camera, Moonbok had a tender smile on his face as he sang. Lost enough in the lyrics to keep the anxiety at bay, but still focused enough to ground himself firmly in the present moment, he took in a breath as his edited version of the song came to its finale.

You know it all You’re my best friend The morning will come again Because no darkness, no season Can last forever

Despite all the practice he’d put into this final stanza, his voice still cracked slightly at the final note, making Moonbok flush again. Hopefully it wouldn’t have detracted from his performance too much. Not that he was about to let himself get into that mindset. He wasn’t going to let his anxiety ruin this for him. Not until he was out of sight of the cameras, at least.

“Thank you for listening to me.” He bows to the CEOs and his fellow contestants, smiling as he heard the applause. Had he really done that well? “I hope you enjoyed listening to me as much as I enjoyed performing for you all!” Suddenly giddy, he turned to the others and the cameras around them, and pumped a fist into the air. “Everyone, fighting!” Grinning at the laughter and applause that met his sudden declaration, he bowed once more before returning to his seat, letting out a slightly shaky breath as he sat down, trembling slightly as the adrenaline rush began to fade. Resting his chin on his folded hands, Moonbok watched the rest of the performances intently, giving both Changmin and Daehwi enthusiastic applause as they showed off their skills, firmly pushing the feelings of worry over whether he was actually go enough to be amongst them out of his head once.

In the end, he’d given it his best shot. He just had to pray now that his best was good enough.

[Word Count: 1,605 words]

[romaniassexdungeon]

Ji the impaler

Day four- high school

Pairing: LeoJi

for @rarepairsonice

Most of these are LeoJi like I said. Man this brought back memories of my own shitty sport’s days. Went with javelin for these two because that’s what I competed in. Was fourth in the year, in fact; no one messed with me and my stabby pole. I miss javelin... 

Warning for swearing and inappropriate jokes because DAMN HAVE YOU EVER LISTENED TO HIGHSCHOOL KIDS

As much as I love them as a couple, I’m also really down for pre-couple ‘we flirt but aren’t dating what is even going on between us’ LeoJi.

...

He loved Leo de la Iglesia, he really did, but sometimes the guy could be a colossal bellend.

Not often, mind you, given that he was one of the sweetest people in existence and sunshine personified, but once a year the two of them just descended into an overly-competitive mess that brought out the worst in them. And funny enough, it was not at any figure skating event- because despite everything they would always support each other’s skating careers. Believe in each other. Inspire each other.

But their school sports day? An event that wouldn’t ultimately matter in ten or even two years? Oh they were going all out on that.

Maybe it was the fact that the school always picked the hottest day of the year, leaving Guang Hong a sunburnt, sweaty mess in a perpetual bad mood and less willing to tolerate others, even the love of his dramatic teenage life. Maybe he was sick of the fact that Leo had beaten him in javelin for four years now. There was nothing wrong with second place, and he knew it was pointless and they didn’t even get medals, but he just wanted to beat Leo dammit! This was his last year to succeed, and when he did, he would rub it in his stupid beautiful face. Ah, just his stupid face. His stupid one.

Guang Hong had kind of been hoping their competition would rile up the sexual tension over the years, but everything regarding that seemed tragically one-sided.

Right now the boys’ javelin competitors were milling about on the main field of the sports’ ground, watching the girls already competing, and waiting their turn. And, of course, six bored teenagers standing together with fried brains usually descended into foolishness pretty damn quickly. It was almost impressive.

“Me early man,” Leo grunted, lolloping around the field waving his javelin as their friend Phichit doubled over laughing and JJ joined in dragging his knuckles and stabbing at imaginary prehistoric wildlife, and Yuri and Otabek just looked mildly disgusted at the display; “me kill mammoth with spear, make fire, bring mammoth home to wife!” At that, Leo doubled over to catch Guang Hong by the stomach and lifting him onto a broad shoulder, almost spearing him in the process. Guang Hong squealed and wiggled, kicking out and catching him in the stomach. Leo grunted, but still managed to hold on.

“Oy!” Mr Cialdini, the P.E. teacher barked over at them, “put the poor boy down before you impale him!”

“Sorry sir,” Leo called back, gently setting Guang Hong down. “You okay man?”

“Yeah,” he sighed, “but I’m not your wife, I’m the rival chief that’s gonna spear you in the chest and use your blood for my cave paintings.”

“That’s hot,” muttered Leo.

“You’re hot,” Guang Hong replied, half-joking. That was their relationship: some weird blur between romance and friendship that succeeded in confusing pretty much everyone- Guang Hong included- about what was really going on between them. They were the bestest friends in the whole wide world, but Guang Hong was never sure how to interpret all the flirting and gay jokes Leo threw at him, so just went along with it. That fact that he was secretly in love with him didn’t make matters any easier.

Either way, Phichit was convinced he was the third wheel here. In many ways he was, though the three were still close.

“Damn right I’m hot,” and the tension was gone as a pained expression graced Leo’s face, “I’m going to melt! My balls are just stuck to the inside of my thigh like my sweat is superglue or something.” For added emphasis, he tugged at his P.E. shorts. Guang Hong thought he would pass out, had he not been recoiling in horror.

“You’re disgusting!”

“I thought I was hot.”

“You’re both, like sticky melted ice cream.”

“I got something sticky and melted for ya,” Leo laughed at the absurdity of his own joke, “sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Guang Hong waved a hand, “hope you’re still up to giving it your best. I’ll destroy you this time and dance on your grave laughing.” He was going to do it. He was going to leave Leo and everyone else in the dust.

“Please I can only get so erect,” he sure did love giggling at his own words. At least someone was.

“Oy we’re starting now,” called Yuri, “stop being weird and throw some shit.”

Guang Hong was somewhat disappointed- and a little paranoid- that events unfolded in their usual manner: Yuri and JJ scored quite feebly due to heckling from the other and generally attempting to sabotage each other’s performances. Otabek scored decently, then wandered off to separate their inevitable fight behind the ice cream van. Phichit didn’t do so well, because he only signed up for this event to hang out with his friends for the entirety of this pointless day. And then came Leo.

“You’ll keep watching, won’t you?” he asked, voice calm and sober as he made his way to the starting line. His eyes seemed to sparkle with hope at that, casting an anxious glance back over his shoulder at Guang Hong. What was that all about? The boy oozed quiet confidence, like he already knew the world would be watching and that was one of the things that made his performance beautiful.

Even in his stupid bobbly polo shirt and hair soaked in sweat.

Guang Hong threw him a reassuring smile, and that was all Leo needed to get going. He took a run, javelin atop an arm reaching the sky like he was running into battle. With a noise caught between a grunt and a scream, he launched it into the air and fell to his knees as it flew.

The javelin landed with a thug, buried into the baked ground further than anyone else’s travelled. Leo pummeled the air as he gave a cheer.

“So,” he began once he climbed up and made his way back to his friends, “reckon you can beat that, Jiji?”

“Easily,” Guang Hong chirped, “though your posture was swaggie and your throw had yolo so I’ll have to try really hard to beat that.”

Leo visibly winced at that. “Err, thanks, I think.”

“Guang Hong, what the hell are you doing?” groaned Phichit.

“Trying my American.” For when he and Leo were married and living in L.A. and famous.

“You’re trying this American,” Leo joked, “good luck though.”

“Thanks.” This was his moment now. Time to shine. To be fair, he was so sweaty he was already shining like an old man’s bald spot.

He took a deep breath as he stepped up to the starting line, squeezing in one more stretch of his calves before launching into a run. He heaved his arm back before launching the javelin into the sky.

It flew like a missile, glinting in the sun before burying itself in the anaemic grass, and if he didn’t know any better, he’d say it travelled further than Leo’s. But he wasn’t about to celebrate before he knew for sure.

Mr Cialdini whipped out his measuring tape to dart after the javelin, giving a thumbs up when he reached it.

“First place! Well done Guang Hong!”

He couldn’t believe it. Guang Hong thought he would pass out from it all. The only thing he could do was grin as Leo and Phichit enveloped him from both sides and Leo wrenched him up to throw him in the air. Once he caught him, he cradled Guang Hong in his arms. The boy span him round once before setting him down.

“You did it!” he cried, “you beat me! I’m so proud!”

“You’re not mad?” asked Guang Hong.

“Not at all! Man, I won four times you really think I’d throw a sulk over you winning this time?” His smile widened as an idea struck him, and he got down on one knee. “May I kiss the winning hand?”

“You two get weirder every day,” muttered Phichit, trying to discretely whip out his phone.

“Sure thing,” Guang Hong beamed, gracefully holding out the back of his hand.

When Leo planted a chaste, wet kiss on his knuckles, Guang Hong thought he would finally vaporize there and then. In fact, he lost all ability to speak or think.

“Well isn’t that just the cutest.” Out of the corner of his eye, Guang Hong saw a flash of green and knew his bright red face as he was kissed would be talk of the school by tomorrow.

[swordarkeereon]

Day 21: Priorities #domagick

Today was just a really bizarre day. It challenged my endurance, and yet I got a great deal done.  It also made me evaluate some of my priorities and challenged my own perceptions of my career.  I am faced with a truth that I can either resist and change, or resign to.  I need to figure out why this bothers me so much. For most people, they’d likely be thrilled either way. Whereas I’m sitting on the fence wondering if I should continue trying to serve two masters, when one of them drives me insane half the time. I know – cryptic nonsensical talk, but that’s about as detailed as I wish to get about the subject.  The fact is – I am who I am, and I can’t change the fact that I have talents. I can either choose to share those talents with the world, or not. Keeping them to myself would be a complete waste, even if it did mean a quieter life with less stress.

This brings up the same question to all of you reading this. What talents do you have, and are you sharing them with the world? There are people out there who would say that if you have a talent – you have a duty to share it with others.  I am curious how others feel about their talents and am curious how others are sharing their talents.  (I hope you are – because the world needs more good things whether it’s art, baked goods, music, inspiration, or just someone who brightens everyone’s day with a smile!)

It was also my last day of Ashtaroth invocation and the thing I noticed working with Ashtaroth’s influence surrounding me, was that even in chaos I felt connected to others and to myself. And I didn’t get worked up even when the going got tough and I had to juggle playing cheerleader, counselor, payroll goddess, friend, sister, daughter, wife, taxi, cat-mom, problem solver, writer, magician, blogger, entrepeneur, business owner etc…  Truth be told there were times I WANTED to freak out — bad. Or lose my shit. But for some reason it was almost as if that part of myself was separate from me, and I was looking at it from the outside. It wasn’t a bad feeling. It was eye-opening.

I didn’t even freak out at the patch of new “silver” hairs (I’m not going gray, I’m going silver) on my right temple today. Despite all of this – I still need to chill the fuck out, because my dentist called me out on my teeth grinding last week, and people only grind their teeth when they’re stressed. LOL  In good news – got my “damage report” back from my accountant. I guess having major surgery and spending at least 10% of your adjusted gross income on healthcare was a good place to be, even though it felt like “HOLY FUCK $$$$” at the time. Seriously – it IS cheaper to die. Ha!

Yes – I started my day with my invocation to Ashtaroth. I closed it with my balancing/chakra meditation. Everything in between was errand running, day-job, commuting, spouse time, and so on.

Someone wrote me an email day before yesterday asking if I am doing the magick on top of my existing daily work and the answer is yes. My typical non-#domagick day always starts with me getting up, feeding the cats, starting the coffee, going into the temple, lighting a candle, saying a prayer, and leaving an offering of some type. My night always ends with meditation before bed. Always.  So really, I’m just adding an extra 15-45 minutes of work a day. About an hour and a half if you including the blogging.

I am pleased with the Ashtaroth work. I did manage three days of exercise. I managed a few thousand words. I managed (beyond my expectations) to curb my self sabotage and observe myself, and my emotions without being nearly as reactive as I could have been. I have not dropped into depression. I got good news. 21 days in – and I’m feeling pretty positive about the manifestations so far.

It’s time to change things up! Starting tomorrow (through the 28th), I’ll be doing daily morning Invocations to Bathin and carrying his sigil while I focus on cultivating solid work habits that are supportive to nurturing myself and my Great Work instead of sabotaging it. Again, I really like the chakra balancing and feel like I’m benefitting greatly from it, so I think I’ll keep up with it. I am also going to continue with the walking three times a week. I seem to be doing better with that than the yoga, but I think I need the yoga. My back has been sore.  I will also continue asking myself to write 1500 words a day (not including blog posts) – except during NovelRama, when I will be shooting for 7000 words a day.  Since this week is going to be focusing on cultivating the good work habits — the word count is going to be a solid part of the magick.

Today’s Tarot Card: Nine of Pentacles: Discipline and Rewards from Hard Work. The tides are turning and with any luck, I am well on my way to the Sorath work.