#man this was a great game for how early in the series it was

[muffintonic]

So, I watched Sonic 3 today.

I wish they would have continued on from the growth of Sonic calling Tom and Maddie his parents from the end of Sonic 2. Also in that vein, I want Knuckles to call Sonic and Tails by their names at least even if he's not at the point of calling Tom and Maddie his parents, too (he did at least call Maddie by her name in the Blu-Ray Drone Home short, so calling her by Sonic's nickname in this movie was a step back)

Continuity error spotted: at the end of Sonic 1, they moved Sonic's stuff from his cave to his new room in the attic, so the cave should have been empty or they should have mentioned offhandedly that they had to leave some stuff behind because it wouldn't fit or it was too damaged or something

It's been a few YEARS since Sonic was discovered (per Ivo's comment about trying to get him for years + Tom and Maddie talking about the busy past few years)??! I knew at the beginning of Sonic 2 Ivo had said it'd been 243 days in "portobello purgatory," but, wow, it's been a while between 1 and 3. That explains why they're all so close to Tom and Maddie's heights at the end of the movie's group camping shot....they're growing up. :') Though it also begs the question how old they are now--Sonic couldn't have been any younger than 4 years old to remember Longclaw/10 years passed since she died and the events of Sonic 1 happened, so that would mean he's 16 now since it's plural years??? I guess older ages than what they are in the games would suit them...or at least Knuckles with his 40-year-old-man voice

Sonic 3 takes place in 2024: confirmed

In Sonic 2, Tom and Maddie were worried about Sonic tackling stuff on his own because he was a kid and needed to grow up more--did that change because a few years have passed, or because he has his own "team" now? I know there was a timeskip between Sonic 2 and 3 (and Walters acknowledged at the end of Sonic 2 that Sonic was on their side), but I feel like G.U.N. having Team Sonic on call was a surprise--it wasn't even mentioned in the Knuckles series or anything.

At the end of Sonic 1, Maddie mentioned to Sonic that he had to go to bed early because it was a school night. Does Sonic 3 take place during summer vacation (since the weather is nice enough for camping)? I want to see these kids in school, dangit!

I don't like how Tom and Maddie act together in this movie. Tom says through his puppet that he should leave her...Tom makes eyes at the projection of the military lady...Maddie sucker punches Tom in response and he looks very much in pain... Not a healthy dynamic anymore :(

Why is Gerald alive. He is 110 years old and still moving and grooving like nothing?

So....SCU!Shadow just....straight-up wants revenge on all of humanity? Without any amnesia making him more malleable to committing planet-wide genocide?? They were torturing him with dreams of Maria's death for 50 years straight??????? He and Gerald were totally fine with ultimately being caught in the explosion, too?????????????????? How is this movie still PG

Shadow's change of heart did not feel appropriate. After 50 years of torture and being fine with the idea of nuking the planet, a single flashback would not change his mind. At least in Sonic 2, we see Knuckles gradually realizing Robotnik isn't that great of a person and how Sonic's values are good--Knuckles also wasn't TRAPPED IN A MIND PRISON FOR FIFTY YEARS STRAIGHT.

SCU!Shadow was discovered instead of created, so doesn't that make him not the "ultimate lifeform" anymore since he doesn't have a purpose? Maria isn't even sick in this version (which I think hampered any reasoning for her being at the base, especially in such top-secret areas). I guess the Biolizard doesn't exist, either? At least completely flipping his backstory to make him on Earth wanting to see the stars instead of the reverse makes sense. They didn't even explain his inhibitor rings, but he still took them off for a power boost at the end... Do the Black Arms exist???? Does The End or the Ancients???? Why DOES he look like Sonic if he wasn't modelled off his prophecy mural?

Why is SCU!Knuckles scared of ghosts if, per the Knuckles series, he regularly sees the ghost of his dead tribe leader?

Knuckles was BEST. BOY. in this movie!!!!!!!!!! Every scene he was in was perfect!!!!!!!! He knows about Pokémon! His "Don't do this!" was so wrenching, good lord. TT-TT Then he stands down?!! Then he SAVES SONIC AND TAILS FROM BEING BURNED UP IN THE EARTH'S ATMOSPHERE?!!!

Why did they leave Knuckles behind in the ark when it was actively going to explode??? He gave his last ring to Tails, so what was the plan for him??? Also, why didn't Knuckles bring Ivo with him when he leapt out? Could he not find him in time, did he think it was fine to leave him to die since he was their enemy, or did he not think of it?

Is Eggman really dead in the SCU now? I don't see how that would stick, but also how would he survive? Shadow surviving is more reasonable since he was in Super mode at the time of the explosion, and fits with the reveal of him having actually survived in his game

Glad Stone finally got thrown a bone! Though I wonder what he'll do now...

Sonic and Shadow should have gone blind staring at the sun like that, pffff

I just realized Tails is the only one in the SCU so far without a tragic backstory. Like, from Sonic 2, he kept his original backstory of just being made fun of for his tails, which is nowhere near the level of "my adoptive mom got killed in tribal warfare/my entire tribe was massacred in tribal warfare/my adoptive sister was gunned down by the government." We haven't even had any flashbacks for Tails...very strange

I know they probably amped up the wacky humor aspects for this movie to offset the body count (Maria, Commander Walters, Gerald, Ivo, Shadow-ish), but it really fell flat for me (the one-liners were still pretty good, but the comedy scenes were always too much). I rewatched Sonic 1 & 2 yesterday to prep for 3, and I was laughing throughout both of them. They could have leaned more into the seriousness of the content like the masterpiece that was Kung Fu Panda 2

The SCU is now facing the Steven Universe Problem: the stakes are too high for regular shenanigans. Sonic 2 was perfect because everything was still personal and surrounding the ultimate plotline of Sonic integrating into familial life on Earth, but now things are too big. We already had Maddie and Tom abandoned at the beginning of the movie, and they felt forced into the plot compared to the smooth fusion of the A and B plot of the Sonic 2 wedding (the location of the Master Emerald even happened to be within visible distance of the wedding site) and left almost immediately after Tom got wrecked (also, why did Tom have a broken arm instead of broken ribs or something after getting socked square in the trunk by Shadow?). I really hope they have more family stuff going on in Sonic 4, otherwise they're going to make Tom and Maddie feel completely irrelevant

I knew the Knuckles series was canon, but it still pained me extremely to see Wade being appointed the guardian of the Master Emerald because I hate him

Minor nitpick: Tom should have mentioned his brothers in Sonic 2 when he was saying he wanted Sonic to have a team/wingmen. The reveal that he has brothers seems out of left field since we're three movies in and we just found that out

AMY CONFIRMED! How is Metal Sonic a thing if Ivo is dead, though? Why did they not just have her be the catalyst for Shadow remembering his real promise to Maria like she was originally? They introduced both Tails and Knuckles in Sonic 2, so why did they save her for Sonic 4 and make Shadow's backstory so weird instead?

Keanu Reaves did a much better job with Shadow's voice than the current, sneering Batman wannabe one from the games

Overall, the movie felt a bit disjointed, fell back into Sonic 1's trap of telling instead of showing (particularly the heart-to-hearts), and left me with more questions than answers. 7/10 on my first watch (Sonic 1 = 8/10 told instead of showed and had some bad acting from the humans; Sonic 2 = 9/10 hilarious, but needed more Knuckles and the pivonka scene dragged a bit; Knuckles series = 3/10 desperately needed more Knuckles)

[just-a-madrigal]

Listen my child, to this story of dreams, and know that the beginning is more difficult than it seems

Message in a Haunted Mansion

Nancy Drew Embroideries

[yundeob]

the parent trap | KHJ

part 1 of the Night in Hollywood!series

☆ trope: exes to lovers!au, divorced!au

☆ pairing: producer!hongjoong x designer!reader, dad!joong x mom!reader

☆ warnings: nsfw (mdni), swearing, mentions of food, mentions of food poisoning, female desc. reader, drinking, suggestiveness, smut, slight!breeding kink, oral sex (f. receiving), overstim, unprotected sex (wrap before you tap!) nipple play, titty sucking, marking, praise, slightdom!joong, blond!joong bc that itself is too much for me, mentions of (early) pregnancy, you’re both in your early thirties and make an unbelievably stubborn couple in this!

☆ synopsis: AS DIVORCED PARENTS to two twin daughters, you and hongjoong have your fair share of work cut out. Driving to piano lessons, cheering at hockey games, drop offs at each other’s houses, it can all be a little much. But could a relaxing summer retreat as a whole family possibly rekindle past emotions you’ve swept under the rug? . . .

☆ word count: 18.1k

☆ playlist: soulful strut by young-holt unlimited, l-o-v-e by nat king cole, just the way you are by billy joel, slipping through my fingers by abba, this will be (an everlasting love) by natalie cole

☆ a/n: it’s finally here. I can’t believe I’m writing this and saying it’s finally here oh my goodness. first off, thank you from the bottom of my heart to everyone who has supported me with the series so far (shoutout to @kitten4sannie , @byuntrash101 and especially @desirehorizon for being amazing!) everyone’s sweet comments have been greatly appreciated, and I just hope this silly little fic brings a smile to your everyday lives.

ty for making writing worth it as a writer. now cue the opening credits!

“ABSOLUTELY NOT” Hongjoong says.

“But dadd,” she whines, clutching the wrinkled pamphlet closer to her chest. Eunseo’s small hands are covered in purple doodles her sister drew using a glitter pen. 

“Why not?” the girl complains, shrugging her shoulders. 

He sighs, pushing his glasses up with one hand as he continues typing away at the important document the producing company sent him on his laptop. He tries his best to reason with the child.

“Because, baby…” pausing to think for a moment before responding. “It would be hard for your mom and I to find a time that fits into our schedules. I’ve got work, and she must be busy as well.” 

Eunseo glares at her father’s excuse. 

Okay, yeah, the man knows it’s somewhat of a lie, himself. 

She continues to protest by shoving the advertising pamphlet in her dads face and blocking his view of the screen. Thankfully, Hongjoong is used to these sort of work distractions, expertly avoiding her by craning his neck sideways and continuing to type away.

“But dad, it’s an amazing cottage resort! They’ve got a lake where you can go swimming in, a forest hiking trail, a bonfire to roast marshmallows and even a diner less than fifteen minutes away! So if you end up burning the camp food like last time, we can just order and eat in! Isn’t that great?” She beams. 

He stops typing for a second, fingers hovering over the keyboard as he gives his first born a look that makes her immediately break into a sweet smile, batting her lashes and flashing him a look of innocence. 

“Please?” She begs, standing on the edge of her feet as she gazes up at him. “The last time we went was when Eunbyul and me were toddlers.” 

And how on earth could any dad’s heart not melt at the sight of his daughter trying to convince him about one harmless vacation? 

Hongjoong wheels his office chair back, turning so he could look her in the eyes properly and tuck a stray hair behind her ear. 

“Listen honey, I’m sorry, I really wish I could, but…” he trails off, looking back at the open tabs and file documents displayed on his computer.

Turning his head around and upon seeing a frown form on his daughter's face, he quickly reassures her. 

“Once you finish your final piano recital tomorrow and your mom picks your sister up to take her to her hockey game, how about we go fishing the weekend afterwards?” he suggests, brows raising. “That’ll mean I have just the two of you all to myself.”

Eunseo mumbles under her breath, quiet but insistent enough that he catches it. 

“But we’re supposed to be a family of four.” 

She sulks, thinking of how that would leave you, her mother, left out of their plans. The arms holding the pamphlet up, ultimately fall down in defeat. 

He places a peck on her forehead, patting her on the back. “You know, if you can get your mom to say yes, then I’ll think about it” he chuckles, knowing the highly unlikely probability of the event.

Adjusting his glasses, the producer goes back to his work, peeking his daughter slugging away from the corner of his eye. 

Eunseo slumps her shoulders in defeat as she walks out of her dads office, turning the corner to see her twin sister, Eunbyeol, pressing her ears near the door with her neck outstretched. Clearly she’s been caught in the middle of trying to overhear their conversation. 

The twin younger by fifteen seconds quickly rushes over, waiting expectantly.

“So? What did dad say?”

Eunseo exhales, throwing the information pamphlet away on the wooden floors and slumping against the living room couch. 

“He’s totally not buggin. Said he wants to take us fishing next weekend instead. Just us three.” she grumbles. 

Eunbyeol scrunches her nose at the idea. 

“But dad sucks at fishing.”

Her sister groans, kicking her small feet against the couch in frustration. “I know!” Eunbyeol starts to worry, coming to sit beside her.

“Then how on earth are we going to get mom and dad to get back with each other again? They haven’t been in the same room since we were like, five!”

Her twin sister scoffs, “First, we gotta get them to have a proper conversation with each other. They barely even talk when they drop us off at each other's houses.”

Nobody truly knows why you and Hongjoong had divorced so suddenly when the girls were young. Not even themselves.

All they were used to were cold stares and one word replies shared amongst their parents, refusing to find harmony in their co-parenting.

Frankly, your girls have had enough of the performance you were both trying to maintain, looking past your expressions to realize you and your husband still held feelings for the other. It was only a matter of time and place in order to set you two up together, thus, the idea of an intimate, family getaway came into their minds. 

After a few moments of letting her words hang in the air, Eunbyeol’s eyes widened to the size of saucers. 

“That’s it!”

The older twin looks up quizzically, watching her sister jump off the couch and gaze at her excitedly. 

“We’ll just have to force them to meet each other! We can always guilt trip them for dropping us off at their houses and making us play alone!”

Eunseo rolls her eyes at the idea. “Right, and how are we going to do that dummy? The only reason they’d do that, was if it was an emergency.”

Whoever said twin telepathy wasn’t a thing was a liar, because the second Eunseo catches onto what her sister is saying, the twins share a look of pure mischievousness, the gears in their brains working together as one. 

With hushed whispers and quiet giggles, the twins immediately begin conducting their plan in secrecy near the corner of the living room, backs turned and in the middle of discussion when Hongjoong walks out of his office with an empty coffee mug. 

“What are you guys doing over there?”

“Leave us alone! Family man traitor!” Eunbyeol shouts, holding a slightly hostile grudge to her father before turning back to whisper to her twin. 

Hongjoong shakes his head, sighing as he heads into the kitchen. 

“Then it’s perfect! I’ll stay here with dad once my piano recital is over, and then when Mom picks you up for your hockey game tomorrow, we’ll try convincing them together!”

Eunbyeol nods her head in agreement, eyes lighting up with excitement as she whispers in a hushed tone. 

“And once both events end, we’ll pretend to be so sick that they have to take us to the nearby hospital.”

The other twin smirks. ”Where we’ll end up guilt tripping them into taking us to the cottage.”

They double high five in victory at their flawless plan, already waiting for tomorrow to come as soon as possible.

“A summer cottage?” you repeated, brows raising at the idea as you made a left turn onto your street. 

Eunbyeol nods eagerly from the back seat after getting picked up, having ranted on and on about the ad in the pamphlet since the moment you saw her.

“It's an amazing establishment mom,” She boasts, making you laugh at her words while parking the car and unbuckling your seatbelt.

“They have everything you could possibly think of!”

“Oh, really?” You say skeptically, opening the door for her. 

Eunbyeol is lost in the middle of passionately describing all the relaxing activities you could do by yourself, or rather per se, with a special partner together. 

“There’s couples hiking retreats, couples canoeing, couples yoga… did I mention couples hiking retreats?” She confuses, retracing her words. 

You roll your eyes and smile, keys jangling as you walk through the entrance of your apartment flat while balancing the bags and items in your hands.

Being a wedding dress designer and yet picking up your daughter from your ex-husband's house could’ve been ironic to some people. But after having split with Hongjoong since the girls were so young, you came to grow fond of having some independence as a divorcee, channeling your main focus into setting up your own bridal shop downtown.

It was through that hard work and focus that you did it all by yourself with no additional help.

You’d be lying if you said you haven't opened a bottle of red wine some nights due to loneliness as a divorced single mother, but at least that was what you had your daughters for.

You made sure to work just as hard as you did enjoy playing and spending time with them. After all, they were the light of your life and purpose for living.

Balancing the pizza you picked up on the way home, you set it down on the kitchen island, telling Eunbyeol to go wash her hands in the sink. The girl doesn’t stop ranting.

“There’s usually only two rooms in the cottage, so you’ll have to sleep together with dad, but I guess you won't mind, would you? After all, you were once married” She rolls her eyes, reaching for the soap.

You shake your head with a sigh. ”What is up with you and getting me and your father together in the same room?” you muttered as you took out the plates and utensils. 

Eunbyeol eventually walks back to you, wiping her hands on her baggy jeans before sitting on the kitchen stool. 

“It’s not that I’m obsessed, Mom. Actually, Eunseo and I are just dying to get away this summer now that school is over.”

Turning around from plating the pizza and salad, you chastise your daughter, telling her to sit with her bum flat on the stool so she doesn’t fall. She immediately listens, carrying on with her persuasion. 

“We just want you and dad to get the chance to relax as well, that’s all!” her mouth full from a bite of hot, greasy pizza. 

You smile, wiping your washed hands on the kitchen towel and coming over to wrap your arms around her affectionately. 

“Spending time with you and Eunseo every week is how I relax,” you assured her, smothering your baby with kisses on her cheek.

Byeol lets out a squeal of annoyance, taking another bite of her pizza. “You’re squishing me!” She tries hiding her smile, failing when you lean in closer. 

You pull back in laughter, ruffling her hair as you walk away while reminding her.

“Oh! Don’t forget you’ve got your hockey game tonight!”

Byeol chews faster, munching on the soft crust and counting down the hours on the kitchen clock. 

She smiles to herself. 

“Don’t worry, I know!”

“What do you mean you need to go to the hospital?” Hongjoong asks in a worried voice, standing against the women’s washroom stall. He holds Eunseo’s congratulatory flower bouquet for first place in hand, feeling the stares of multiple women passing by, clearly judging him for being in the ladies room with them. 

“Honey, is everything all right?” He asks worriedly. A string of groans come from behind the door.

“You need to leave!” one old lady thrusts her walking cane at the father, lips pursed in dissatisfaction. 

Eunseo did such a phenomenal job tonight for her piano recital, that Hongjoong was shocked to see his daughter clutch her stomach first thing after running down the steps of the stage, dashing to the washrooms.

He whips his head back. “My daughter’s having a bit of a situation in here, okay miss? Have a bit of understanding!” He barks frustratedly out loud to the onlookers before speaking softly back to the stall door. 

“Eunseo, baby, talk to me, is everything alright in there? Are you sure you need to go to the hospital? Is it that bad?” 

The girl continues her acting performance, letting out fake groans while typing furiously on her cellphone. 

“Oh the pain! I think I might have food poisoning, dad!”

Seolie: How far along are u

Byeolie: Mom’s outside, banging to come in. 

Seolie: same, I told dad I needed to go to the hospital.

Eunseo lets out another groan of pain, causing Hongjoong to worry even more. 

“That’s it, Eunseo. Let me in and help you” he decides, searching his bag for a painkiller or at least some sort of medication for relief. 

The girl frantically checks her phone, eyes lighting up at the new message. 

Byeolie: Mom’s getting the car to take me to the hospital. I’ve got her convinced to call dad soon.

Eunseo types as fast as her small fingers can move, even faster than when she performed her piano solo from before. 

Seolie: Then what do I do????

Hongjoong gets slightly suspicious at the lack of sound coming from the stall, calling to his daughter again.

“Eunseo? Everything alright?”

At the next notification, the girl makes up her mind, getting the signal from her sister. 

Byeolie: play dead. Mom calling soon. See ya there.

The actress gets into character, gaining her composure before unlocking the washroom stall and holding her stomach as she stumbles into her dad’s surprised arms. 

“Eunseo!”

She wails, falling limp. “Oh, dad! Please! Take me to the hospital, it hurts too much!”

It’s truly a mystery which parent she got her acting skills from.

But she doesn’t have to tell him twice at that point. The man is already piggy backing his fainted daughter and sprinting out of the ladies washroom, reassuring her with soothing comments as he makes a beeline for the parking lot.

“Stay with me baby!” He huffs, unbeknownst to Eunseo who peeks one eye open. 

Only after he straps his daughter in the backseat and is turning on the engine does he receive a sudden phone call from you, pressing the speaker for the whole car to hear your panicked voice. You break the news to him first. 

“Eunbyeol’s severely sick. She fainted right after her hockey game.”

Hongjoong’s eyes widened. “What?”

You sighed, running a hand through your hair. “She was holding her stomach saying she ate something wrong. Is Eunseo okay?” 

Hongjoong puts the stick into drive, backing out of the parking lot and replying in a hurry.

“She’s hit with the same thing right now. I’ll meet you at the Hospital in ten” he grunts, sweat forming on his brow as he speeds through traffic, not caring if he gets a ticket. 

Had he looked in his rear view mirror, he would have seen Eunseo sagging near the car door, clutching her stomach with a small grin on her face.

You never liked the hospital. 

The sounds of babies crying and hospital beds wheeling become the background noise, shifting nervously in your seat that was in the emergency pediatrics unit waiting area. 

Hongjoong has his eyebrows furrowed, hunched over one seat beside you as he hangs his head in his hands, knees bouncing up and down. A middle aged nurse nasally calls on the next family waiting from the front desk, boredom laced in her voice. 

You sigh, uncrossing your legs and choosing to bite at the fingernail on your right hand once realizing you’ve already done the same to all the ones on your left. 

“It’s all my fault.” Hongjoong confesses, suddenly sitting still. 

You glance to your left, watching as he sits up slowly. 

“Last thing they ate together would’ve been at my house. I probably made them sick with something I fed them,” he dejects, hanging his head down in shame. 

“It’s all my fault, god I’m so stupid!” He beats himself up. 

You have half the mind to snap at your ex-husband, anger already filling up inside you earlier when you heard Eunbyeol suggest it was something she ate at her dad’s house. You really did want to yell at him for being so bad of a chef that he sent his own daughters to the emergency pediatrics unit, undeniably relieved that Seonghwa was working tonight’s shift. 

But those cruel words sitting on the tip of your tongue are thrown away when you glance down to see your ex-husband missing a shoe on one of his feet. 

Hongjoong rushed over here so fast with Eunseo that he left his shoe behind like some sort of fairytale, Cinderella. He hasn’t even realized he wasn’t wearing one right now.

You exhaled, knowing that if there's one thing you’ve learned while parenting, it was that to have patience and understanding was a virtue. Even for your ex-husband.

“It’s not your fault,” you sighed, staring at your hands folded in your lap. 

It feels awkward when Hongjoong stops tugging at his blond locks to look at you in surprise, continuing to speak as you place a gentle hand on his thigh. 

“That could’ve happened to anyone. We don’t know yet if it was because of the food. Let’s just pray and wait and see” your voice being a sign of reliability to him. 

The man is a little shocked at your supportive nature to tell you truthfully. He delivers all the things he needs to say through his grateful gaze alone, reciprocating a small smile. 

“Didn’t think I’d see you guys tonight.” Seonghwa chuckles, walking in before Hongjoong has the chance to reply. He comes from the patient's room wearing his dashing, white doctor's coat. “Together, at that” he mumbles under his breath before looking up and flashing you a polite smile while giving his worried friend a soft pat on the back.

Hongjoong holds his breath when he asks: “How are they?”

“Better,” he tells him, flipping through some papers on his clipboard. “But it was a big shock to their bodies. They need some rest at the moment.” 

The pediatrician tries not to show his smile, standing in front of you and Hongjoong while hiding his expression behind his clipboard as per his niece’s request.

To be fair, if someone had told Seonghwa earlier that evening that he would receive a fifteen minute pep talk from his best friend's twin daughters that day in the emergency unit, he would’ve laughed in their faces. 

Alas, life was always filled with surprises. Here’s what went down thirty minutes earlier in the hospital room:

“We’re trying to get them back together,” Eunseo announced confidently, sitting next to her sister on the hospital bed. 

Eunbyeol nodded, eyeing the dumbfounded medical professional standing in front of them with his clipboard tucked under his arm, hands in his pockets. 

“So.. you guys don’t need an IV drip?”

“It’s this whole entire thing, Uncle Hwa, we’ll explain to you later.”

It took a minute before Seonghwa reclaimed his composure as an adult, chastising the twins for pulling a false alarm over something like this. He made sure to make them promise him they wouldn’t do something stupid like this again. But after that, of course Seonghwa is immediately pairing to help them with their plan on getting his best friend back together with his ex-wife. The man is just tired of watching Hongjoong beat himself up half the time about missing you. 

“So you essentially want me to lie about the fact that you guys don’t have food poisoning, and were just faking this whole thing so your mom and dad would have a reason to see each other.” 

The twins nod, one of them pointing out. “And make sure to tell them we’re fine of course. Maybe throw in we’re like, really sick, but that we’ll live so it’s best if we get rest.”

“At like a cottage or something” the other chimes in, wiggling her eyebrows at the hint. 

The doctor sighs, scratching his neck sheepishly. 

When Seonghwa leads you and Hongjoong into the hospital room, both of you feel awful seeing your babies laying in their beds, dressed in the children’s gowns. 

Eunbyeol peeks open her eyes first, voice hoarse (she practiced). 

“Mom? Dad? Is that you?” she groans, pretending to clutch her stomach in pain. 

Both you and Hongjoong rush to each child, grasping their hands and stroking their heads softly with sympathy. 

“Hey baby, I’m here” you coo.

“I’m so, so sorry girls, it was probably all my fault. I should’ve never cooked for you guys earlier today.” their dad cries out painfully, looking down in shame.

You come to stand beside him, reassuring them both. “But what’s important is that you guys get better now. We want to make sure you get the rest you need” you say, making eye contact with your ex-husband. 

Seonghwa clears his throat, crossing his arms as he flashes a wink to the girls behind your backs. 

“They seemed to have been mentally exhausted as well,” He asks on purpose, watching as you and Hongjoong share a look with each other. “Have they been receiving proper familial support at home?” 

“I can’t even remember the last time I saw my parents in the same room together.” Eunseo weakly admits, showing a faint smile. 

As parents, you and Joong feel the most amount of guilt anyone could ever feel. You realize how exhausting and stressful the pickups and drop offs to each other's houses could’ve been, especially when you two were so busy with your respective jobs to spend time with your daughters now that it was summer break for them. 

Hongjoong smiles, holding both their hands and making a promise to them. 

“Make sure to rest you two. Tell me, is there anything you guys need right now? Anything you guys want I'll make sure to get it for you.”

”Do you guys have crunchy ice?” Eunbyeol blurts out loud, breaking her weak facade. 

Eunseo almost wants to shoot a glare at her sister but she realizes both of you are still looking at them. 

“I can get you some ice!” Seonghwa quickly assures you and his nieces, mouthing to them good luck for support as he shuts the door behind him. 

You sigh, coming over to stroke Eunseo’s hair and caress Eunbyeol’s hand. 

“Well? Is there anything else you guys need from us?” Hongjoong states, eyes soft in sympathy. You nod, waiting to hear their response.

“Let us know girls, anything at all.”

Eunbyeol and Eunseo finally take their chance, sharing a hesitant look before speaking at the same time. 

“We want to go to the cottage”

“Together,” Eunseo says.

“As a family.” Eunbyeol adds in.

You and Hongjoong share a silent look. 

Later into the night, the twins are finally discharged from the hospital, deciding that they would stay at Hongjoong’s mothers apartment which was closest nearby, considering they were both tired and immediately needed a place to rest. 

The car ride home is awkwardly silent, even as the kids are (what you think) to be fast asleep, hockey gear and a bouquet of flowers riding with them in the backseat.

It was at their request for you to drive them to their grandmother's house, wanting both their parents with them till the ride home. Hongjoong settled on driving your car and dropping all of you off, planning to take a taxi back home and pick up his own car in the morning. Despite your protest on how inconvenient that was, he insisted as he didn’t want to disappoint the twins.

But suddenly the man begins to regret his offer, currently driving in complete silence on the highway, eyes facing forward and shoulders tense. Quiet FM nightly jazz plays from the radio. 

You’re sitting passenger seat up front with him in what feels like forever, looking solely at the reflections in the window, the street lamp lights scattering across your face as you travel through the nighttime traffic. It’s awkward being together like this.

You hear him clear his voice, speaking softly so he doesn’t wake up the girls.

“So, are we really considering that cottage retreat?” he glances back at you. 

You sit up, straightening your back and exhaling as you secretly wanted to have avoided that topic of discussion.

“We can’t Hongjoong,” you reasoned, shaking your head. “I couldn’t possibly take a whole vacation from the dress shop. Not unless I had someone take care of it for me, which my staff probably aren’t ready to do.” you explained, voice tense.

Hongjoong nodded, understanding your point of view. “I realize that. I’ve got a few projects I have to record and demo with Eden.” he tells you, an arm placed on the wheel with his sleeve rolled up. His veins become perfectly outlined as he passionately tells you about his producing job.

He’s so hot like that.

Jesus what were you thinking? Cursing your mind as you clear your voice and try to change the topic.

“How’s everything been going then?” you say stiffly. He nods, still awkward with sharing conversation with you. 

“Um, it's going good. You?” he asks.  

“Fine.” you swallow. 

Silence prevails. He’s first to speak again, building the courage to say the next thing in his mind. 

“I’m willing to put things on hold if I need to.” He confesses. 

Hongjoong continues to drive normally after having said that. Now it becomes your turn to stare at him now, watching how he glances at the side mirror, switching lanes swiftly like the pro-driver he was. 

“What do you mean?”

“Honestly, I think it would be good for the girls,” he admits, calling you by your name. Even hearing him call you your name feels weird. It feels foreign, like it almost wasn’t yours. 

“Hongjoong-” you warn, shaking your head at the warry possibility. 

“Just hear me out, alright?” He states firmly, making you quiet. 

He glances back into the rear view mirror, watching your girls peacefully asleep with their heads leaning against each other. 

“It’s been almost seven years. Seven years since they’ve last seen their parents speak to each other without breaking into a fight. Tonight was the first time they saw us together without having to plan a drop off and pick up in god knows how long.”

Hongjoong licks his lips, gripping the wheel as he emphasizes. “Seven years since they’ve gotten a goodnight hug and kiss from us at the same time in one place.”

You scoff, turning to face him properly this time. “I don’t know why you’re acting as though we can make this request of theirs come true Hongjoong. This is a big deal-”

“It is a big deal!” he exclaims, trying to get his point across. “I can see how badly our daughters want us to both be in their lives more, to acknowledge the fact that the other still exists after splitting apart.”

He sighs. “Us, not acknowledging each other’s existence at all is worse than if we had to see each other regularly.”

You bite your lip, getting angry. “So what Hongjoong? You’re saying you want to suddenly play family with them at the cottage?”

You shrug your shoulders. “Do you really think we can pretend to be normal parents to them without fighting like we are now? There’s a reason why our current schedules work. Don’t make me seem like the bad guy for not wanting to take them.” You glared, pointing a finger at him. His jaw locks. 

“You fully knew the lifestyle changes we would need to make as a couple when you signed those legal papers—”

“Well then did you also predict everything that happened after you brought me those papers?” He spits like venom, gaze hard as he clenches the wheel.

You blink your eyes at his words, pressing your knees together at his sudden attack. 

You don’t remember clearly if you even meant what you said at the time when you threw those papers at him seven years ago. But all you still know is that Hongjoong was just as stubborn as you were, making up his mind to sign them in the end regardless.

Looking in the rear view mirror, you muttered to him quietly. 

“Don’t raise your voice. The kids are sleeping.”

Their dad scoffs, muttering a sure, under his breath as he switches lanes. 

The kids were in fact, not sleeping, and very much awake. Eyes closed but ears wide, as they were listening in to the first real discussion their parents were having in so long. Or perhaps it was an argument?

At the right turn into his mother’s apartment’s underground parking lot, Hongjoong shuts off the engine, getting out of the car without another word and shutting the door in your face. 

You pinched the bridge of your nose, hear the back door open. 

You watch in the corner of your vision as his demeanor immediately changes, softly caressing Eunseo and Eunbyeol’s hair. 

“Hey girls, we’re here now. You gotta wake up.” He coos.

They yawn theatrically, pretending to stretch their arms. 

“So soon?” Eunbyeol mumbles.

A few feet ahead, you see your mother in law walking out from the elevators, a knit cardigan wrapped around her small frame. You smiled, getting out of the car and greeting her first. 

“We’ll leave Eunbyeol’s hockey gear with you for the night if that’s alright Mom-” 

Hongjoong’s words are cut off as the woman who birthed him walks straight past him, ignoring him and immediately taking you in her warm embrace, eyes forming crescent moons. 

“How are you my dear?” she asks, causing you to smile and hug your mother in law affectionately. “It’s been so long, I’ve missed you so much!”

Despite the break up between you and Hongjoong, you were thankful for one thing, and that was the fact that your relationship with Hongjoong’s family stayed strong, especially with Mrs. Kim.

“I’ve missed you too” you tell her genuinely. “I’ve been good, I’m just sorry for dropping them off so suddenly at your place,” You say, feeling apologetic for waking her up late into the night. 

“We had a bit of a situation,” you explain, watching as Hongjoong collects their things. 

She shakes her head, reassuring you. “Nonsense! Why would you be sorry for that.” she grins, turning her head at the car. “And where are my girls, may I ask?”

At the sound of her voice, Eunbyeol and Eunseo dash out from the back seat and into their grandmother's welcoming arms, pressing soft kisses to her cheeks.

Hongjoong is the only person that stands all alone, awkwardly holding the bouquet of flowers with heavy hockey gear and a duffle bag perched on his shoulder. 

“Oh, how I’ve missed my little squirrels!” she exclaims using their signature pet name and happily reuniting with her grandchildren. 

She turns her head, face falling at the sight of her son and lips pursing into a frown. 

“And where on earth have you been? Not giving me a call!” she snaps, slapping her son on his back. Eunbyeol laughs out loud while Eunseo tries to keep her giggles in. 

You hear your ex husband protest to her while you close the back seat door. 

“OW! I’ve been busy alright?” he mumbles, massaging his sore arm. 

Your mother in law takes both the twins hand’s on each side, nodding her head to you. 

“Leave all the kid’s stuff to Hongjoong, he’ll take care of it darling” she smiles sweetly, sending a glare to her son to take a hint and be more of a gentleman to you. She walks away with her smiling granddaughters, exchanging light-hearted giggles and excitement. “Bye, mom!” The twins wave back. 

Hongjoong cranes his head up, sighing at the ceiling before taking Eunseo’s piano bag that you were holding in your hand in one swift motion, walking reluctantly behind the three. 

“Stay here. I’ll drop them off.” he briskly walks away, leaving you stunned. 

Hongjoongs words from before can’t help but replay inside your head as you wait for him to come back down. 

Before you guessed it, it was already the ride back home, and the car was painfully silent once again. In reality, you were each thinking deeply to yourselves about the possibility of the cottage retreat. Could you really be a mom and dad together as a couple to your kids?

“Are you giving your plants enough water?” He brings you out of thought, the car slowing down as he turns onto your street. 

You look up, giving him a confused look. 

Hongjoong nods in direction, following his eyes to look at the measly, dying flower pot perched on the steps of your flat’s entrance as the car stopped to a halt. “You know, it’s really hard for plants to die when they’re outside.” He says in amazement at your shit gardening. 

You scowl at him, asking him when he became such a plant expert all of a sudden. 

He continues to poke fun at you, smirking when he undoes his seat belt. Hongjoong suddenly leans over to help you unbuckle your own, face dangerously close to yours as he lowers his voice. 

“Unless their owner just really sucks at taking care of them.” 

His eyes gaze into yours for a split second, feeling your face heat up from the proximity. You let out a tiny gasp for air when he leans back in his own seat. 

“Fuck off” you replied harshly. 

“You should give them some more care,” he suggests, ignoring your swearing. 

You don’t reply to his stupid comment, refusing to look at him as you get out of the car. 

“I can go in by myself” you press, adjusting the strap of your purse on your shoulder. You didn’t think it was necessary to draw out your time with this man any further.

Hongjoong straightens his dress shirt as he moves to your side of the car, shoving his own car keys in his trousers as he locks your doors and hands over the keys. You take them hesitantly, watching as he rests against the car door, strong arms crossing against his chest. 

“Think about it at least.” he mutters to you. 

You look at him, eyes shutting softly when you realize he was still talking about the cottage getaway. Sighing his name is exasperation, you run a hand through your hair. 

“Hongjoong-”

“Would it kill you to spend a week with me and our daughters?” He scoffs as he asks you straight up, looking at you in a way that makes you hesitate to say your next words. You observed one hand come to shuffle with the silver lighter in his trouser pockets. 

You stayed silent for a moment, genuinely thinking back to your daughters and what this meant to them if you went. What this would mean for you two as well. 

Finally, you look up to him, returning his gaze.

“I need time.” 

He nods, face serious. “I understand.”

“Let me think about it.” You mumbled. 

And with that you turn around, walking up the steps to your front door. At the sight of your flowerpot, you quickly remember his comment and snatch it in your hands, slamming the door shut to Hongjoong as he finally lets a soft grin break out on his face. Letting his back come up from leaning against the door, Hongjoong nods his head, satisfied enough at that answer, as he walks silently down the road while opening his Uber app. 

At least you’d give it some thought. 

Okay, maybe now you’ve given it too much thought. 

Sipping your fifth glass of wine of the night, you’re sitting, back hunched over with your knees tucked into your chest on the breakfast table chair, zoning out as your best friend Sophie continues barking at you and your inconsistent commitment. 

“I don’t even understand why you’re considering going! Does the man realize what it takes to leave your own shop for a full week?” she fumes, adjusting her royal jelly sheet mask while cursing at your ex-husband for pressuring you into going to the family retreat. 

“Not everyone can just pack their bags and go swimming at the cottage, Jesus Christ” she rolls her eyes. 

“He didn’t pressure me,” you told her pouting. “He wants to do it for the kids” you mumbled looking down as you defended him. 

You invited your best friend Sophie over to your apartment that evening for your weekly slumber party, a time you each looked forward to dedicating a bottle of wine and chardonnay over some gossip, spilling all the uneventful drama in your lives. 

Perhaps you revealed too much drama to your best friend tonight. 

“I don’t think I would mind going, to be honest” you hiccup, words slurring. “I haven’t had a vacation in so long, Sophie, and the girls really want to go! I would feel bad for leaving them with nothing to do this summer.” confessing through the alcohol. 

Cheeks flushed, you sigh as you play with your silk robe mindlessly while Sophie shakes her head at you, one hand coming up to snap at you and bring you back to reality. 

“Hello? Earth to Ms. Divorcee?” She sighs, rolling her eyes in frustration. “You said you wanted to set boundaries with him! To cut the line straight and keep your distance so you could get over your feelings for him! Show him who’s boss!” 

“He said he’s willing to put his music projects on hold for us,” you muttered quietly, the thought making your heart weak as you smiled at the memory of Hongjoong teasing you about your flower pot. Your chest blossomed with warmth now. 

Sophie sighs, shaking her head as she thinks just how differently you were feeling four wine glasses ago.

“Listen, honey, I’m just warning you in advance” she sips the golden liquid in her glass before placing it on the table. 

“Take it from a girl who’s had three divorces. I mean look at me! I’m still somewhat young, I’ve got no kids, no responsibilities, filthily rich, and not once have I had to pay for my own divorce settlement fees!” 

You nod mindlessly, eyes blinking softly under the bright kitchen lights. 

“What you need is a provider, sweetheart,” she crooned, caressing your head. 

“A guy who won’t leave you stressed and unimpressed like Hongjoong does.”

You continue mindlessly nodding your head at her words, ears perking up when you hear small footsteps come down the stairs. 

“Hi mom, Hi aunt Sophie.” Eunbyeol greets, eyes glued to her iPad that Eunseo trails after from behind, whining how it was now her turn to play Super Mario.  

“Hi girls,” Sophie replies like the cool, hot aunt she is, eyes shut as she’s concentrating on giving herself a collarbone massage right now. 

“Hey sweetheart,” you mumbled, smiling at your daughters standing near the fridge getting a glass of water. 

“Say, did your dad tell you guys anything about the cottage?” You blurt out loud, avoiding the look that Sophie gives you. Eunbyeol looks up from the glowing screen, ears perking in interest. “No, not much, why?” 

Eunseo snatches the iPad from her twin, coming over to you. “Did Dad say we’re going?” She asks enthusiastically, eyes widening. Sophie is quick to assure them. 

“Now of course not girls, your mother here was just-”

“Oh fuck it, why not?” you say confidentially, shining a bright smile. “Let’s go to the cottage!” You exclaimed in drunk excitement, all three girls staring at you with their jaws hanging at your sudden profanity as well as your final decision. 

Oh, how dangerous the effects of a bottle of wine were. 

Eunseo and Eunbyeol immediately embrace each other in a passionate hug, squealing in excitement that their plan actually worked. You and Hongjoong were now both convinced. “Oh my gosh, we’re going to go as a family!” They cried in happiness. You giggled at their joy, reciprocating their enthusiasm.  

Sophie leans back in her seat defeated, shaking her head with pursed lips as she picks up the whole Chardonnay bottle and sips it. 

“Oh whatever. . . This isn’t my problem anyways.” 

When Hongjoong drops by the next morning to pick up Eunbyeol and Eunseo from your house for the weekend, he can’t lie but be a little heartbroken at the way his daughters ignore his kiss to them first thing. They instead, immediately shove the cottage advertising pamphlet in his face with victorious grins. 

“See! We told you mom would say yes!” 

“Say yes to what?” He pouts, avoiding the paper and obsessively trying to peck a kiss to each of his daughter's cheeks. The idea of going to the cottage almost slipped the busy man’s mind after almost a week of no news from you. 

“What’s so important that you guys don’t even say hi to me anymore?” he sulks.

Eunseo giggles, fighting back her laughter when her dad tries to tickle her with his kisses. 

“We’re going to the cottage!”

Hongjoong stills himself, leaning back to make sure he heard her correctly. 

“We’re what?”

Eunbyeol, taking after her mother, has a cheeky expression on her face as she places her hands on her hips and sasses her father. 

“Pack your bags and swimming shorts, daddy, we’re going on a family vacation!” 

In perfect timing, you manage to stumble out your front door, coffee mug in hand and mid-yawn when you realize Hongjoong is already staring at you in shock. 

“What?” you snap, still grumpy from your slight hangover. “You’ve never seen a woman wake up before?” You replied, asking your kids if they packed all their stuff. 

The twins watch as their dad stands up from his crouched position. 

“You’re going to go to the cottage?”

At Hongjoongs words you freeze, everything coming back to you all at once. The wine, the twins, the promises, it hits you like a moving truck. 

“Well…”

“No take backs mom! You said it yourself last night that you were excited to go to the cottage!” One of the twins pointed out. 

Hongjoong doesn’t take his eyes off of you. 

“I-I did say that, didn’t I?” You chuckled sheepishly, toes curling at the rookie mistake you made in parenting 101: saying yes when you should’ve said no. 

Your ex-husband quickly tells the kids to put their things in the trunk, promising he’ll be right with them after talking to you. As Hongjoong dashes up the stairs in his white polo golf shirt, you feel slightly exposed being in only your silk slip dress and robe. 

“I didn’t realize you’d be here so early” you mumbled, looking down at your toes. 

He ignores you. “So I’m guessing we’re going then?” He smirks, looking at you with an expression of undeniable cockiness and peaked interest. 

You shrug nonchalantly. “Let’s surround the focus of this trip towards the kids” you remind him, straightening your back.

Hongjoong nods, agreeing with you wholeheartedly. “Of course, that was my intention from the beginning,” he smiles. 

You swallow the lump in your throat, unnoticing his stare drop at your breasts perking up from the cool morning air. You jump in surprise as you hear the honking of the car. 

“Come on, love birds! We gotta go back to dad’s to get our swimming stuff!” Eunbyeol cackles, leaning from the backseat into the driver's seat window. Eunseo already begins journaling in her hello kitty note book, an organized list of what she’ll need to bring to the cottage.

Hongjoong looks back at his daughters, before looking back at you with a smile. 

“Let’s keep in touch about details, alright?”

You nod silently, gripping your mug. At the sound of your nextdoor neighbor coming out, Hongjoong contemplates for a moment before quickly leaning forward, shielding you from their view with his backside. Clearing his throat, Hongjoong nods his head to the inside of your house, leaning forward to whisper to you. 

“Think, um, you should get inside, it’s getting cold,” he mutters, his dimples faintly showing. You glare up at him, “I’m going to say goodbye to my own daughters”. Still clueless to what he was referring to. He grins, shrugging his shoulders before looking at you. 

“If you insist. Just thought you wouldn’t want your neighbor to see what I can see, would you?”

You gasp at his words, looking down at your chest to see what he means before wrapping your robe around you. You quickly waved goodbye to your girls before you shut the door in Hongjoong’s smug face. 

It’s now become the second time you’ve done that.

Thankfully, the next time you see Hongjoong you’re wearing a much more appropriate outfit. In a white cotton blouse and casual jean shorts, your effortlessly chic vacation outfit was the only highlight today, considering the day you had been internally dreading for so long was finally here. 

You tried to take deep breaths while scurrying all over your house and finishing some last minute packing. Reassuring yourself that a family getaway couldn’t kill you. 

Right?

Reservations at the cottage were made over the phone last week, booking a house with the perfect lake side view, access to the forest trail and close proximity to the offered activities. It would only be a seven day stay, both in your respective rooms, (you clearly emphasized you and Hongjoong had to have separate ones) while the twins would lodge together. You had no intention of interacting with your husband alone together on this trip, apart from the quote on quote, ‘family bonding times’ you promised your daughters. And yet why were you here sweating nervously like a sinner in church?

“What a hot lady!” Eunbyeol wolf-whistles at your outfit when she walks through your bedroom doors. You jump at the sudden entrance, realizing Hongjoong was already here to pick you up with the girls.

A pair of black designer sunglasses slightly too big for her sat perched on her nose. Eunbyeol smiles before jumping onto your bed of clothes. You already know Hongjoong must’ve spoiled her and her sister with those, buying them a pair each.

“C’mon Byeol, off the bed” you quipped, packing your toothbrush as she reluctantly slugged off the covers. 

Your suspicions of Hongjoong buying them designer items are correct when Eunseo walks in, classily perching her matching white ones on her head before chastising her sister's tasteless compliment. 

“Elegant. She’s Elegant, Byeol. You don’t just go around wolf-whistling at people.” she rolls her eyes. 

“You look very pretty by the way, mom”

You smiled, nevertheless pleased at both their compliments and thanking them before going back to doing a last minute check of your things. 

Sun cream, clothes, makeup bag, swimsuit…

At the thought of your swimsuit you immediately blush, thinking back to how Sophie forced you to borrow her yellow bikini that left very little to the imagination. Despite your protests that you wouldn’t be needing it, she insisted. 

Hongjoong is last to walk through your front doors, swinging his car keys around his index finger and calling to his three girls from the downstairs foyer of your apartment. The man is clearly excited for the trip, he can’t lie. 

“Come on ladies, we’re gonna miss the chance to swim in that lake if we don't leave soon!” 

Hongjoong is your typical dad, except for the fact that he does not mess with dad!fashion. The producer is dressed classily from top to bottom in a loose-fitting designer button up with a pair of reformed denim pants, his pearl earrings and gold piercings complementing his outfit perfectly. 

Kim Hongjoong didn't play when it came to fashion. Even as a father. 

“Coming!” You exclaimed, ushering your kids out of your bedroom and making your way down the stairs with your suitcase. Seeing that it would only be a week at the cottage, you tried to pack light, though you may have to reconsider that thought with the way you struggled to lift the case properly. 

“Need some help?”

A strong hand comes to help you, immediately inhaling the scent of Hongjoong’s cologne as he brushes his knuckles near yours. “Here, I’ve got it” he assures, making you step back and admire your undeniably fine husband. 

Ex-husband. You meant Ex-husband. Scratch out the fine as well. 

You watch from behind as he struts out the foyer, smiling and joking playfully with his twin daughters, carrying your luggage out the door with them. 

What was this trip doing to you?

Once you’re on route to the cottage resort and the GPS is set, the car is blissfully quiet, each and every one of you surprisingly at peace. Jittery excitement still lays deep in your daughters' minds as you overhear them talk about what they want to do first once they arrive. 

Hongjoong’s 2000s soft rock and ballad playlist is playing quietly throughout the speakers right now, relishing in the music as luscious, green trees flash by you from the passenger window. 

While Byeol and Eunseo distract each other on their own, Hongjoong turns to talk to you. 

“I’m not going to lie, it’s been forever since I’ve been on a road trip” he smiles.

You copy him, feeling good in the moment. “Same, I don’t remember the last time I went to one.” you confessed, thinking only of all the times you had in the past when you were a child and as a teenager. 

Even back to when you were a young college student, wide eyed and so innocent to the chaos of your first college retreat with Hongjoong. That was the summer you two began dating, and boy were you fools in love. You cautiously look to your husband driving, bringing up past memories.

“Do you remember that one college retreat we went on during second year?” 

The corners of Hongjoong’s lips are already grinning upwards, smiling as he reciprocates your expression. 

“Right, like I could forget that summer” he replies sarcastically, gripping the steering wheel. 

It’s an easy memory to digest. A time when you were both so young, filled with nothing but dreams and passionate love for one another. Love so deep, that you remember the nights you’d spend locked up with Hongjoong under the sweaty bed sheets inside your cabin, blissfully making love until the sun would rise and he would finally kiss you to sleep. Perhaps, it was that summer when you realized you were going to marry and be with Kim Hongjoong forever someday. 

Though it’s too bad, someday already passed. 

“Do you remember when Seonghwa got so drunk he ended up confessing to Jieun in front of all the girl’s sleeping cabins?” Hongjoong snickers, relishing in the embarrassing memory his friend always hates him for bringing up. You laugh out loud, remembering the memory. “Oh my god, yes!” You turned to face him, shaking your head. “In nothing but his underwear, right?” 

Hongjoong nodded, smiling with one hand on the steering wheel as he drove.

“Didn’t he end up jumping into the lake afterwards? With you having to go in and save him as well?” You share your laughter with one another, catching up on past memories as your twin daughters listened attentively in the back, reliving them with you together.

That's what makes the hour and half drive from the city into the wilderness feel so short, finally pulling into the graveled parking lot of the vast cottage resort. White suburban cottages lined along one another, a good amount of distance in between each for every family staying. 

As Hongjoong parked the car, the view outside was so glorious you had to hold your breath. Glistening clear blue waves in the lake reflect the bright sunshine from above. A light breeze is present today with the way the willow and oak trees swayed gently. 

“It’s beautiful” you gasped from as far as you got out of the car, stretching your upper body with eyes closed as you inhaled the fresh air. 

Hongjoong stills his movements, shutting the door before replying with his gaze caught at your backside.

“Yeah, it is” he smiles.

Both of you turn around at a loud voice coming from behind. “We’re gonna explore the campsites and souvenir shops first!” Eunbyeol shouts as she runs away with her sister's hand in hers, towards the wooden cabin that's settled further away. 

“What about lunch?” you call to them. 

“We’re not hungry!”

Hongjoong tells them to be safe, and to stick around nearby. You smirked, helping him unload the trunk as you told him. “They’ll be fine. They’re probably too excited to even think right now” you giggled, bumping shoulders with him. 

You feel the tension that was once so strong between you two fade slowly, walking up the wooden steps of your lodge and exchanging conversation with each other.

“Hey, I just want my babies to be safe” he admits, a grin on his face as he holds the cooler in his hands. You chuckle, shaking your head at his protectiveness. 

“Here it is!” he exclaims, setting the suitcases in the front foyer as he opens the door. “Lodge number 1117”

The two story cottage is larger than it appears from the outside, having a modern yet rustic interior that you and Hongjoong admired. It had everything you would need, from a well designed kitchen area to a cozy living room space.

“It’s perfect, the kids will love it” you beam, looking at the hanging hammock chair in the corner of the living room and the gray stone fireplace. It fit perfectly for your family. 

Hongjoong smiles, sunglasses perched on top of his head as he sets the luggage down near the kitchen. Walking up beside him, you help him unload the cooler and ice boxes first, settling into your new home for the next few days. 

“I’m guessing you still drink?” you ask, looking in his direction as you unloaded the case of beer you saw him bring from the trunk.

He gestured to the booze. “C’mon, it wouldn’t be a vacation without it, would it?” 

You wholeheartedly agreed, placing a few in the fridge before you shut it closed. 

“Hopefully, this time we won’t end up shit faced like we did back in college” you laugh, turning to face him. 

“I can already picture that time we got so drunk from that bottle of tequila my friend brought, we snuck out of the campsite and went to the forest and got lost.” you spoke, the memory a little foggy but nonetheless fresh in your mind. 

Hongjoong smiles, listening as you speak.  

“There wasn’t anything but trees and bushes in that forest!” You exclaimed, shaking your head. “What did we even do there?” 

Hongjoong replies nonchalantly, folding the cardboard box in his hands.

“I’m pretty sure we fucked.”

You momentarily freeze at his words, before letting out a soft awkward laugh, causing him to look up. 

“No we didn’t, Hongjoong” you immediately deny, not believing his words. But your brows began furrowing at the foggy memory, starting to realize you really couldn’t trust your alcohol tolerance, now as an adult and even back when you were a college student. Did you guys have sex? In a forest out of all places?

Hongjoong leans against the kitchen counter, across from you as he crosses his arms in front of his chest and smirks smugly. 

“Nope, I distinctly remember it” he recalls, taking a step closer so he was now in your space. 

“I held your hand in mind as we walked up that trail by the cliff. And gosh, were we horny that night, because I remember you complaining about all that dirt you got on your knees from giving me the greatest head i've ever experienced in my entire life-” 

Slapping your hands over his mouth to stop him from going on, you blushed as you glared at him. 

“Jesus christ,” you mumbled, rolling your eyes before confessing.

“I get it, we fucked.”

Suddenly, you and Hongjoong break out into giggles like varsity sweethearts again at the story. Though embarrassed and cringing internally from the way you acted as young adults, it was nice to share them together now. At the proximity in which you’re standing in, you can't help but stare at each other softly. A hand wraps around your waist, making your breath hitch as he pulls you closer. 

“What are you doing?” you grin, watching him.

He looms over you, able to tell that something sits right at the tip of his tongue that he hesitantly decides to say. “I’m pretty sure,” he mutters, staring at your face and cautiously grazing the skin under your blouse. You feel your breathing speed up. 

“I also held you like this in my arms as you were leaning against that tree” his grip gentle and immediately transporting you back to the scenery that night. His sharp tone contrasts his touch. 

“Yknow, the one we fucked against?” he teases to you one more time.

The scent of burning campfire. A cold, midnight breeze. The feeling of the rough cedar tree against your back as Hongjoong thrusted inside you with every delirious snap of his hips, holding you close while he fucked you to oblivion with only the forest animals standing witness to your sinful actions. The film replays like a cheesy R-rated romance movie in your mind. 

“Did you, now?” You gulp, looking up at him as you adjust to the foreign feeling of his touch on your hips. 

“Yeah. I remember it all” he states, smirking down at you with an intense gaze.

The memory dies down when you catch yourself staring at his lips, arms finding their way around his neck as he dives down to whisper softly to you.

“Do you remember too?” He asks.

How he held you in his arms. How he whispered in your ear while you came around his cock, drool and traces of cum littering the corners of your mouth while Hongjoong didn’t care if you were stretching his flannel from how hard you were tugging at the material.

You nod. “I do,” you muttered, lashes fluttering as you felt as though your heart wouldn’t stop beating. “I remember you kissed me on the lips,” you confessed. 

Perhaps you wanted him to do it again right now. 

He looks in your eyes, searching for your approval that you desperately give, breath hitting each other's faces as he slowly leaned down to try and connect your lips. His chest is pressed against yours, and you begin to realize you haven’t shared the same breath like that in so long. You were so close to kissing right then and there.

If only you leaned in closer…

“We’re back!”

You push Hongjoong across the kitchen, shoving his hip painfully into the marble counter and ignoring his high-pitched groan of agony as you immediately look away to avoid suspicion, continuing to grab the beer from the icebox in front of you.

“Girls!” you exclaimed, voice wavering. 

Of course, Eunbyeol and Eunseo walk in with matching postcards and goodies from the souvenir shop in their hands, their sunglasses perched on their heads as their eyes lit up with excitement. They were still oblivious to the fact that they almost caught their parents about to make out in the kitchen.

“Dad, this place is amazing!” Eunbyeol deadpans, telling her father. “They even have jet skiing on the other side of the lake! We gotta go now!”

Hongjoong clutches his hip, pursing his lips as he hides his expression of pain and surprise. 

“Really? That's great sweetie”

Eunseo however, is quick to catch on.

“What were you guys doing?” she looks at you suspiciously. Her words hang in the air for a moment. 

“Were you guys about to kis-”

Hongjoong and you frantically scurry to find a plausible excuse, shuffling awkwardly. 

“I was helping your dad unload the cooler” 

“I was helping your mom get something out of her eye”

Both girls stare at you meekly. Eunbyeol scrunches her nose. “Huh?”

Plastering on a fake smile, you briskly leaped over the luggage nearby, ushering them upstairs before they had the chance to ask anymore questions.

“I think it’s time to unpack your things.” you watched their eyebrows quirk at the way you pushed them out the kitchen.

“We can do it on our own, mom! It’s really no big d-”

You clamp Eunbyeol’s mouth shut with your hand, blushing profusely as you walk away with them. 

Hongjoong stands there alone in the kitchen, rubbing his hip and wondering what the hell just almost happened.

The next few days, you and Hongjoong don’t discuss the incident between you two. Rather, the beginning of the trip after that event has become a painful performance trying your best to be eerily polite yet distant to each other in front of your children, as if that would make you forget the fact that you two almost kissed in the kitchen.

“Could you pass the sunscreen, honey?” Hongjoong would say awkwardly, turning his back to flash you a cheery smile on the lake deck as Eunbyeol and Eunseo watched you interact while floating in the cool, summer waters. 

You passed the bottle to your ex-husband while maintaining awkward distance. “Of course, darling!” 

“Thanks honey!”

“No problem sweetheart!”

This resulted in Eunbyeol and Eunseo looking at their parents in horror, the youngest twin muttering under her breath as they discussed an urgent change of plans.

“We have to get them to stop being weird.”

Apart from that, the ‘family bonding time’ promise to your daughters was maintained, and each day was an adventure for all of you in terms of what you would do together next. An accumulation of forest trekking, water-skiing and outdoors barbeques on the patio of your cottage made everyday feel more and more special for your girls, seeing how they relished in having both their parents with them at the same place and time. It became moments of peace and resolution that eventually became special for you and Hongjoong too. 

“I hope we stay here forever,” Eunseo blurted out one evening after a blissful day near the lakeshore, watching as the sun began to go down. She was busy licking the sticky sides of her melting ice cream cone in one hand, the other one held in yours. 

Hongjoong and Eunbyeol were a few feet ahead, laughing loudly and holding hands as they compared their fruit popsicles with one another to see whose was bigger. 

“You and Byeol would eventually get sick of going to the lake all the time” You smiled, the corners of your mouth turning up before her next words made the strings of your heart tug. 

“Sure, but at least you and dad could be together with us too.”

You watched as she ran up to her sister and dad, joining in on their fun as she began boasting that her ice cream was better than theirs. Hongjoong’s smile is the biggest you’ve ever seen it to be, looking down at his girls with a golden tan from the past few days spent outside, and hair slightly damp from swimming. 

Any person could tell the love in his eyes was as pure a father’s love for his girls could be. 

Her words stuck with you until that very night, where after dinner, board games, and much pacing back and forth in your own room before getting into bed, you decided to cautiously approach Hongjoong’s room on the opposite side of the second floor.

Bare feet padded across the wooden floors as you peeked through the sliver of the open door.

He's wearing an oversized sleep tee and blue pajama pants, getting in some nighttime reading before bed. His glasses are perched on his nose, intently reading his paperback novel. He looks as domestic as a husband gets. 

At the sound of your steps though, he sits up from his relaxed state on his bed, one arm that was supporting his head coming out as the other hand settles the book down on his abdomen. He looks surprised to see you. 

“Hi” he states, looking at you. 

“Hey”

Hongjoong’s expression immediately softened at your figure, watching as you shuffled awkwardly in front of him. The room is quiet. 

“Can I come in?”

“Of course,” He nods, setting his bookmark in the spine of the cover and turning his attention to you, offering you to take a seat on his linen covers. You see his polaroid camera with photos taken of Eunbyeol and Eunseo perched on a desk nearby. 

You don’t see the ones he secretly took of you, as those are in his drawers. 

“Don’t tell me you can’t sleep by yourself” he gently teases before watching as your smile doesn't reach the ends of your eyes. You wrap your silk robe closer to your body, feeling sort of vulnerable. 

“How do you like the resort so far?” He asks, watching as you played with your fingers absentmindedly. “Is the room okay?”

“It’s wonderful Hongjoong, better than I could ever have hoped for.” You spoke up, telling the truth.

It’s hard to arrange your thoughts in your head when it’s just the two of you in his room. The kids were already fast asleep. Now was your chance to just tell him how you felt. Why were you hesitating so much?

“Hey, look at me.” Hongjoong’s soft voice calls out to you, a protective hand coming out to caress the back of your head in habit. He can tell you want to say something, and the gesture makes you emotional, remembering how he always used to do that to ease your nerves when you were younger. 

“What’s wrong? Am I making things uncomfortable on the trip?” he worries about the boundaries you established with him at the beginning, watching as your lip begins to quiver and the emotions suddenly overcome you. 

“I just wanted to tell you I’m sorry.” you sniffled, tears forming near the brim of your eyes as you looked up at the father of your children. 

Hongjoong’s eyes widened, shifting through the covers over to you. “Woah, hey, shh that’s alright I got you” he coos, immediately going into dad mode and embracing you in his arms, letting your head rest against his chest. 

The action is natural, no longer foreign or weird, and you silently thank him for leaving reassuring circles on your back. Husband or not, Hongjoong would always be your best friend first. You had forgotten how much you missed this comforting side to him.  

“Tell me what you’re sorry about” he states, chest tightening at your wet cheeks before he slowly raises your chin to look him in the eyes. 

“For being mean to you for so long” you sniffle, a weakened state of emotional guilt eating away at you. You let him watch you carefully.

“I’ve been thinking about how happy the girls have been during this trip. A-And it kills me that we’ve been fighting for the past seven years, and that they’ve grown up seeing such bad parts of ourselves, of my own self” you ramble, confessing how you felt. 

You look up. “They’re happy because we’re together Joong. Because we’re not fighting or avoiding each other like we used to do before.”

He watches as you look up at him with tears forming in your eyes. 

“You’re such a good dad. And I realized you deserve to hear that.”

At the sounds of more sniffles, Hongjoong finally speaks, smiling as he brushes stray hair from your face. 

“I wouldn’t want anyone else but you to be the mother of our children, I hope you know that”

His truthfulness throws you off guard.

“I’m sorry too” he sighs, letting you sit up straight and look him in the eyes properly. “I haven’t been the best partner either, baby. We were both mean to each other.” he says, brushing a tear away from your face.

“I’m pretty sure you’ve thrown a hair dryer at me once before as well” he attempts to make you laugh, affection blooming in his chest when he sees he succeeds, wiping your tears. 

“But I already knew how you felt, sweetheart. I always know” he smiles, eyes mirroring a weak ache in his heart.  

“Married or not, we were once friends. And now we’re family” His voice turns deep, strong and dependable like the father he’s become.

“We can start over” you tell him, smiling as he folds his hands over your palm. “We can always do better from now and going forward. For ourselves, and for Eunseo and Eunbyeol.” 

Hongjoong nods, hesitantly for a split second before he leans over to press a soft kiss to your cheek, showing a gesture of affection that you longed for so long.

You shut your eyes, the kiss making your heart flutter. 

“Friends again?” He whispers, though silently wanting something more. 

You sighed, pulling him in closer to embrace in a hug. “Friends” you nodded while inhaling his comforting scent. 

The next morning, and for the rest of the remaining trip onwards, you and Hongjoong’s relationship dynamics did the equivalent of a 180 degree turn. 

It’s hard to believe you two really just wanted to be ‘friends’

Eunbyeol and Eunseo could tell by the way you talked to each other more, noticing you share more secret glances and fleeting touches that were innocent to the eye, but concealing a longing that you both tried to hide. You knew you couldn’t get carried away. You and Hongjoong were simply resolving a rough patch in your parenting. Not getting back together in a relationship. 

But after spending more time together while Eunbyeol and Eunseo became occupied on their own, it was hard keeping the interactions to a justified amount. Long walks in the forest, evenings spent cooking together, even cuddling together on the couch during family movie night. Thinking your kids were too busy watching the vintage Disney movie play on screen, when in fact, the real love story they were more invested in was happening right in front of their eyes, watching their parents falling in love again.

This led to the last event in their plan that they hoped would finally seal the deal. 

On Saturday night, the last night of your trip before you had to go back to the city, you and Hongjoong are surprised to find mini invitations left on your beds, scribbled in glitter pen and cursive handwriting reading out the following:

Gourmet Dinner Date for 2

Time: 7:30 pm

Location: Outdoor patio 

Dress code: Formal and Classy

You and your husband chuckled at the cards left on your beds, suddenly finding a twin each by your side and ushering you to get ready. 

“Do you and your sister even know how to cook dinner, Eunbyeol?” You questioned as your daughter rushed to push you into your walk-in closet, forcing you to get ready. 

She huffs, placing her hands on her hips looking offended. 

“At least my cooking skills don’t take after Dad’s, mom.” She mumbled, choosing your shoes for you. “Have some trust in a girl!”

Meanwhile, Hongjoong gets pampered by Eunseo in the other room, though in reality, her blunt critiques on her dads fashion are bruising his pride at the moment. 

“Dad, you have many normal clothes to wear. You have to chill with the ripped baggy jeans.” she demands, trudging through his closet to find something formal for him to wear. 

He begins to protest but his daughter shakes her head. “You’re supposed to look good for mom!” she huffs, searching on her own. At Eunseo’s words, the man starts to slightly worry, scratching the back of his head. 

“You and Byeol are gonna join too, right?”

She stops for a second, looking back to her father as she avoids the question and instead retorts back. 

“It’s just a date, Dad. Relax”

Back to what was happening in the other room at the end of the hallway, you huffed in frustration when you walked back into your closet after Byeol rejected another one of your outfits for the dinner date. 

“I have nothing else to wear, sweetie, these are all the clothes I have.” you came to terms with a hand coming to your forehead after having searched in despair. 

The ten year old shakes her head before pushing you out of the way and digging deep into your suitcase. She reveals a delicate piece of material you didn’t even realize you packed. 

“We got some help from Aunt Sophie and Uncle Hwa to pack you guys clothes that you could wear for a special occasion.” she wiggles her eyebrows, a smug grin on her face as you gap in shock. 

You inspect the dress, lips parting in disbelief as you feel the material. 

“I haven’t worn this since I was in college.” You uttered softly to yourself. 

At one longing look of the short dress, you shake your head, walking back into the closet to find something else. “I-I can’t wear this Byeol, what would your dad think?“ you asked nervously.

“Dad said he thinks your boobs looked hot in this dress so Aunt Sophie and I picked it specially” she looks up at you, proud of what she just said.  

You whip your head around, mouth hanging open in shock.

“Byeol! Where did you hear that from?” 

She sighs. “Dad had one too many drinks this one time and started talking about you guys back in college” she explained before shoving the infamous black dress in your hands. 

“Talked a lot about how pretty you were,” she draws out her words in a teasing voice. You curse your husband for his mistake.

You bite your lip as you stare down at the fabric in your hands. 

It was undeniable. You knew you looked amazing in this dress. You could testify from the amount of times Hongjoong ripped it off of you after countless night out’s filled with sexual tension and playful flirting. For god's sake, Eunbyeol and Eunseo could’ve almost had another sibling thanks to that dress.

“Fine.” you muttered bashfully, turning away as you walked into the closet to change. 

“But I’m just gonna try it on.”

Thirty minutes, one mental breakdown and too many outfit changes to count later, you walk down the stairs wearing the dress Eunbyeol had successfully persuaded you to wear. 

What do you know, the kid was right. Your boobs looked amazing in that dress. 

Not just your boobs, your whole body looked incredible with its strong curves and the beautiful fill it gave to the dress, making it slightly tighter than when you wore it as a twenty year old, but still all the more mature and sophisticated. You really did look hot.

Eunbyeol rushes down the stairs before you, catching up with her sister to inspect her job on their fathers preparation. 

“Well?” She says expectedly, looking at her dad. “Let’s take a look!”

He sports a simple yet timeless white collar dress shirt, the first few buttons undone as he wears a form fitting black dress-vest that accentuates his waist, dress pants paired to go along with it. Though simple, his silver rings pulled the outfit together, making him just as good looking and sophisticated as you were. 

Hongjoong’s back faces towards your front, watching as the man nervously shuffles his hands in his pockets.

“How do I look guys?” He gulps, adjusting his collar and sweeping his blond hair back. 

Eunseo rolls her eyes, a grin on her proud little face. “Do you even have to ask, dad?” She’s more than confident in the outfit she and Seonghwa coordinated together. 

He chuckles, shaking his head as he nervously tells them. 

“I want to look good for your mom, you know what I mean? She's a difficult woman to impress sometimes.”

“I’m difficult?” You tease, walking down the last few steps of the stairs. 

The man turns his head around, losing his breath at the sight of you standing there in front of him, wearing that dress that he hadn’t seen you wear for so long, looking breathtaking in every possible way. 

“Hi” you grinned softly, feeling sort of shy.

The way you fit in that dress made an insatiable hunger fuel inside Hongjoongs chest, eyes gazing at the way you strutted over in the black, lace covered material with your hair tied back and glossed lips turned upwards as your dimples showed. He breaks from his admiration when you quirk a brow at him, making the man almost fall to his knees and stutter uncontrollably. 

“I-I No I didn’t mean that-“

You giggle as you bravely take Hongjoongs hands in your own, shutting him up as you turn to your daughters standing in front of you, starstruck at your aura. 

“Outside, right?” you winked at them. 

“Right this way!” Eunseo enthusiastically leads you out back to the outdoor patio, a perfect view of the garden and lakeside coming into effect. Hongjoong slips his hand from yours, and slides it across your waist, pulling you into his side. 

“My parents are too cool” Eunbyeol sighs under her breath, watching from behind in awe.

Your ex-husband makes you swoon when he leans in to whisper softly. “You look breathtaking, sweetheart.” feeling an immense sense of pride at how lucky he was to make you the mother of his children. 

You blush, turning to him to whisper playfully back. 

“Not bad yourself.” 

You both look forward when you come to a stop at the patio steps, sheer amazement at the full preparation your daughters did for this event. Fairy lights were hung around the area, a table with two chairs on either side placed with a white table cloth and a bouquet of freshly hand picked flowers from the forest, battery powered candles that were sold at the souvenir shop lit in the middle and glowing softly. 

Eunbyeol dashes to the door when it rings, making you and Hongjoong furrow your brows. 

“Is someone here?” he asks, watching Eunseo fold a napkin over her arm like the pro waiter she was. The other one walks out, an oily fast food paper bag in her hands as she smiles. “Dinner is served!” 

“Turns out that diner 15 minutes away also delivers!” She chuckled, helping her sister plate the two cheeseburgers, fries, and vanilla and strawberry milkshakes. 

You and Hongjoong continue to watch in stunned amazement as the girls prepare the not exactly gourmet(?) but still impressive meal in front of you, their small hands working swiftly. 

“You guys prepared all of this?” You asked, getting a little emotional. They grin proudly, nodding their heads. “We called the place earlier and planned it all by ourselves!”

You pressed a kiss to each of their soft cheeks, thanking them both as Hongjoong did the same. 

“What did I do to get so lucky with my girls?” he smiles, ruffling their heads. 

“What about you guys?” You asked, watching as they slowly backed away to give you two some privacy. 

“Natalie and her mom invited us over for dinner and a sleepover tonight at her cottage,” Eunbyeol smiles. At the mention of their newly made friend that they had gotten close to over the week, Hongjoong looks at you then back at them. 

“What? But- ”

She cuts him off, rolling her eyes. “Her mom said it’s totally fine with her. She’s only two cottages down, and she’ll make sure we’re back in time again for tomorrow when we leave!” 

The two girls smile in excitement, though the both of you have your parental instincts kick in. 

“Please?” they begged, wanting you to let them go so that they could do this for you guys as much as they wanted to do it for themselves. “She’s waiting for us now!”

Hongjoong feels guilty. “C’mon, you guys should still join us!”

Eunseo immediately shakes her head, declining the offer. 

“Tonight is all about you guys. We don’t want to intrude” she chuckles, bumping shoulders with her sister who chips in.

“We’ll text you guys in the middle to let you know everything’s good of course” 

You and Hongjoong smile, a feeling of immense proudness overwhelming you from seeing your daughters act so grown up. There wasn’t anything else you felt grateful for more. 

“Thank you girls.” you muttered softly, watching as they flashed you a wink before hurrying out through the backyard door. 

“Don’t get all kissy in the backyard!” Eunbyeol teases, making cheesy smooching sounds with the back of her hand as her sister rolls her eyes and shoves her out. 

Before you know it, you’re left standing with just the sound of smooth jazz playing on the patio speakers and the buzzing of the summer cicadas. 

“She takes after you, I hope you know that” You told Hongjoong softly.  

He chuckles, “Not as much as you.” He gestures to the table. “Shall we?” 

And that’s how the next few hours seem to pass by without even realizing. 

You see, there was a reason why you fell in love with the man sitting in front of you, and you’re just beginning to remember it now. Being with Hongjoong felt as if the moment was everlasting, and you could testify that from the amount of laughter and deep conversation that was shared over dinner, bringing you to sit on that patio until the sun had set. Every so often you’d smile again at the thought of the twins preparing this all for you. 

“I don’t remember the last time I’ve been on a date like this” You blurted out after laughing about something, taking a sip of your strawberry milkshake through a straw. 

“Oh, so we’re going on dates now, are we?” Hongjoong grins, making you roll your eyes at him. 

You lean forward on the table cloth, watching as a glimmer passes through your husband’s eyes while he sits back in his chair, cocking his head to the side as he clears his voice. 

“But you’ve gone on dates after we split, haven’t you?” he asks, leaning forward in interest now, letting his chin rest on his palm. 

You shook your head slowly.

“Nope. Not since signing those papers” you revealed. 

Hongjoong furrows his brows in surprise. “And why’s that?” 

You suddenly didn’t have an answer. “I-I don’t know, I just…” You began, watching how he looked at you with an unreadable expression. You smiled, looking down and suddenly feeling embarrassed. 

“I guess I was too focused on running the bridal shop, I couldn’t find the time to.” You use as a cliche excuse. 

“Bullshit” he retorts back immediately. 

“It’s true!” You protested, throwing a fry at him that he dodges, landing on his finished plate. 

“You always did say back when we were younger that you wanted to be a designer. And look at you now” he admires, letting the candle lights shine a youthful glow to your face. 

“You always said you wanted to become a music producer and write your own songs.” you reciprocated, smiling as you soaked in the presence of one another. “And here you are now.” 

You think for a moment before asking the same question. 

“How about you?” 

Hongjoong silently shakes his head as his answer, though silently thinking about something else. The music changes to some old Billy Joel song in the back. You don’t realize it, but Hongjoong smiles to himself when he realizes the girls added it to the playlist. Of course they had to, it was one of the songs you played at your wedding. 

“What were we thinking when we got married like that?” You asked out loud, looking at how far you’d both come. You definitely skipped some of the order of the stages of a normal relationship. 

“I mean, we had no money, no prospects. Hell, we didn’t even have a car, Hongjoong!” you realized.

Your husband laughs, sitting straight and letting some skin show through his unbuttoned collar. 

“We were young” he justifies. 

“Yeah, and stupid too,” you pointed out, feeling the summer breeze pass by. It felt good to sit here like this with him.

You wondered, could sitting here like this with Hongjoong be a regular thing? After this trip, would you be able to walk back into each other’s lives again like this? 

As both parents and lovers?

Hongjoong brings up something you wouldn’t have expected him to. 

“Do you remember when we first found out about Eunseo and Eunbyeol?” he questioned softly, looking at you. 

You blink, taken aback. Suddenly you’re back in your college dorm washroom, sobs wracking through your body as Hongjoong who had only just sent his first few mixtapes to recording stations and companies nearby, pulled you close into his chest, eyeing the two lines left on the counter while he caressed your back. Only twenty years old and figuring out what you wanted to do with your lives, you were suddenly stuck in a sudden situation that had made you feel like your dreams would have been given up on completely. 

“I do,” you told him, pulling yourself from the memory. 

“I remember because in that moment I felt like the whole world was caving in”. You laughed, though it wasn’t fully cheerful.

“I don’t regret it, though” Hongjoong replies after some thought, gazing at you with truth in his eyes. 

You shook your head. “Of course. Neither do I.” 

It was a blessing to have two beautiful daughters as the product of your love.

“I don’t regret you either.” Hongjoong states.

You lock gazes, unable to take your eyes off of his face. 

“I loved you when I first met you and I still loved you when we divorced,” he says all at once, making your breath hitch and heart waver. 

“Don’t say that.” you tell him, looking away and suddenly reminding yourself you’re still divorced from the man sitting in front of you. 

How could he still love you after all this time? How could you feel the same about him?

Hongjoong continues, shaking his head as he bites back the lodge in his throat and makes up his mind. He has to tell you. 

“Truthfully, I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving you.” 

Don’t do this to me you begged silently.

“I’ve hurt you just as much as you’ve hurt me.” He swallows, thinking back to the times you already knew he was referring to. The times where you fought to the point where there wasn’t even anything worth fighting for anymore. 

“But you have given me the greatest gifts of my life.” He smiles, holding his tears back.

“And for that I will always love you.”

You push your seat from the table, suddenly feeling overwhelmed and wanting to avoid him.

“I can’t do this anymore.” you dejected, walking away from the patio and from Hongjoong.

There wasn’t anything else you could fake anymore. You couldn’t bear to hear the man you once loved, possibly even still love, say these things like he had a dagger lodged in his heart. Didn’t he know he was only going to do the same to you?

Hongjoong is quick to catch up, holding onto your wrist and turning you around, that your back collides with the nearest wall inside, pressing your fronts together and closing the distance.

“Why do you always run away from me? From the possibility of us?” He exclaimed, voice breaking. His heart crushed at the way you turned your head, hot tears already clouding your vision. 

“Because ‘us’ can’t happen again, Hongjoong!” You cried, staring up at the man you once promised your life to.

“Don’t you get it? Us going on this trip isn’t a sign to get back together. What would we do seven years after breaking up?”

“We could do it” He states firmly, staring you down, both your chests heaving.

You bite your tears back again. “No we couldn’t, honey. We would be pretending to think we solved our marriage. What would we do about our daughters? After putting them through our constant fighting— ”

He slams his lips to your own, shutting you up as you painfully resist his touch. Your hands came up to push him away, but at the sudden gesture, you’re already giving in and sobbing softly, letting him hold you for just one last time. 

Your lips mold so perfectly, it almost hurts how much you missed this feeling. To have him slot his arms around your waist, pull you in close, and cherish you. You almost forgot this feeling. 

He pulls away softly, watching your lashes flutter, pleading to you for a chance as he leans closer, making your breath hitch. 

“We could be together as a family again,” he states firmly, your name leaving his lips in a desperate plea. “We never know if we try—”

You drown out his words, looking up with tears falling as you cut him off. 

“Seven years ago I gave you those papers to sign, thinking that you would’ve chased after me,” 

Hongjoong holds his breath, watching as the next words stumble from your mouth. 

“I realize now, how stupid I was to think that.”

“I didn’t know you wanted me to chase you”

Shoving his chest away while mustering the last of your strength you uttered. “Of course I wanted you to chase me.” You let go of his hands. “It’s too late either way”, walking away from the defeated man.

Hongjoong stands alone near the patio entrance, watching his tears fall to the wooden floorboards. Holding the ring he had kept hidden in his trouser pocket, he plays with it in his fingers, silently wishing he had given it to you sooner. 

It rains the next morning on your departure back to the city. Perfect, considering it reflects the sudden storm of utter depression that falls upon your family. Long gone are the cheerful giggles and longing stares that were shared between you and Hongjoong during the ride to the cottage. 

There was no room for that, not after last night.

Eunbyeol and Eunseo sat slumped in the backseat, rain hitting the roof of the car as they mindlessly played on their cell phones. Really, they were peeking from behind every so often and watching their parents sit in the front seat with tension so thick, you could’ve cut it with a knife. 

What had they done wrong? They planned the trip, the activities, the dinner— it was all perfect. And yet why were you still fighting with each other? 

These questions racked in their brains, baffled to have witnessed the sight of their parents refusing to talk to each other after walking back from their friends' sleepover. 

Eunbyeol and Eunseo felt as useful as matchmakers without a couple, feeling their efforts all gone down the drain. 

At the sudden ring of your cell phone, you pick up, answering at the voice of your assistant. 

“I’m driving back up right now”

Hongjoong continues focusing on the road, the occasional wiping of rain from the windshield wipers on the front window. 

“Yes. That’s okay, I'll take care of it.” You muttered, glancing at the rear view mirror for a moment. Your twin daughters immediately sigh, having an idea of what to expect when you say those familiar words. 

“Thanks for letting me know.” 

You hang up the phone, 

“One of us isn’t going with you, are we?” Eunseo asks, making you look back at her with a sigh. 

“No, you’re not” You confess, apologetic. ‘I’m sorry honey. I really am.”

You look back facing the front, swallowing as you told Hongjoong. 

“You’ll have to drop me off at the studio. Some things aren’t working out with the client so they need me to come in and take care of it.”

He nods, unphased as he continues to look straight. 

“Will you be fine with the girls?” You asked carefully, watching them as they were slumped in the backseat.

Hongjoong grips the wheel before turning to you. 

“I‘ll be fine. Don’t worry about it” sending a small smile, though it doesn’t fully reach his eyes. 

The twins thank god that at least neither of them had to choose to go back home with either parent. 

They would’ve hated that more. 

After barely being able to depart and say goodbye to your daughters in front of your studio, holding them close for a warm embrace and thanking them for an unforgettable weekend, Hongjoong drives off with his daughters, an empty feeling cascading his thoughts. He puts on a smile still, trying to cheer up his girls. 

“What do you want to do first when we go home? Want to unpack and then eat? We can eat and then unpack. Or we could- ”

Eunseo crosses her arms, having been fed up for far too long.

“Dad, you must be out of your mind.” 

Hongjoong stills, furrowing his brows and peeking at the first born who crosses her arms, holding an attitude. 

“Eunseo, what are you- ” 

“You’re telling me you and Mom just spent a whole entire week together at the cottage, had the best time of your lives since separating with one another, and now you’re just going to go back to not speaking or talking to each other again?”

Hongjoong blinks at his daughter’s sudden outburst, already making a turn into the driveway of his house.  

Eunbyeol now reciprocates her twin, looking at her dad as she slouches beside him, coming near the front seat area. 

“She’s got a point dad. Do you really just not love mom anymore?” She worries, looking up at him genuinely concerned. 

Hongjoong doesn’t know how to answer these sudden questions right now, stuttering to reply.

“Me and your mother are fine!” He lies, trying to reassure them. “That trip wasn’t just for us, it was also for you two to enjoy— ”

Eunseo asks the million dollar question. 

“If you still love Mom, why are you letting her go a second time?” 

With the engine turned off, it's gone silent. Two pairs of eyes staring at their father, awaiting his response. 

“Well? Are you going to chase after her or not?!” Eunbyeol groans, her fathers lack of response making her pull her hair. 

They were right. How could he have made the same stupid mistake twice?

Hongjoong struggles to put the keys back in the engine, telling them to put their seat belts back on. Their eyes begin to glow with hope.

“Do you girls mind staying at your uncle’s for a bit?” He asks hurriedly, punching into his cell phone to call his brother for a favor as he pulls out of the driveway. Eunbyeol squeals, hands clamping over her mouth as her sister speaks on behalf of them both. 

“Dad, if you don’t drop us off and get your butt over to mom’s right away, I’m gonna report you to child services.” she threatens, watching as he steps on the accelerator, heart pumping so fast as he smiles through the rear view mirror.

You sighed, holding up your cellphone to your ear. 

“Call me once she approves the design then,” you told your assistant through the receiver, one hand looking over the sheets of paper, highlighting the changes to the new blueprint. 

“Alright then, bye.” 

After hanging up the phone, you rubbed your temples, head pounding as you tucked the files back into the folder. 

The clock in your studio showed the hands about to reach seven pm. A few hours had already passed since coming back from your trip to the cottage, trying to forget everything by burying your focus into the new dress prints a client of yours requested, remodeling them after the original was rejected. 

Fingers worked away swiftly, comparing textiles and fabrics as you looked at the piles of papers and messy sticky notes in front of you. But yet the gears in your mind seemed to churn achingly slow, sighing as you repeatedly told yourself the same thing. 

Just focus on the dress, focus on the dress, focus on the dress.

Don’t think about him. 

The task is impossible. Your mind can’t help but slip back to what your relationship has become with Hongjoong, and what you were going to do now that those seven days were over. For so long you had deprived yourself from indulging in your love life, prioritizing taking care of Eunseo and Eunbyeol while juggling your job as a designer. Had you been doing it all wrong? 

Hongjoong’s words repeat in your head like a broken record player. 

I will always love you

Lies. That promise couldn’t be kept. Your divorce was a clear outcome of it. You and Hongjoong were two people not meant for one another. You were too different, all you would do is hurt one another, make life an unbearable living hell—

And yet you missed him. You missed Hongjoong so much. 

What was fucking keeping you from loving him? Was it your stubbornness? Was it really the fact that he didn’t chase after you? Or was it none of that and just your own self being stupid?

The front door of the studio opens, pulling you from your thoughts as you got back to the sketches. You called up from your desk as you worked quietly. 

“The studios closed for the- ”

Heavy breathing. The man who just walked in catches his breath from dashing out of his car and up the three flights of stairs, driving through almost an hour of traffic in pouring rain to be here in this moment with you.

“Hongjoong?”

He’s drenched, making a mess on the floor of the studio as the droplets fall softly one by one. 

Suddenly he's striding over to where you’re sitting in long steps before slamming his lips against yours. The kiss throws you off guard, the shock of his cold hands cradling your face makes you close the gap unknowingly. 

Linking your arms around his neck while kissing back passionately, you let your hands rest on his shoulders, pulling back for air as you panted heavily, catching your breaths and looking at each other with pure love and lust. 

“Why are you here?” you asked, feeling dumb because your heart already knew the answer. His hands wrap around your waist, desperate as if you would leave him again. 

But he’s just so fucking tired of that now. He just wants to love you now.

“I lost you once.” He breathes, eyes watering.

“I’m not going to lose you again”. 

Suddenly, everything that kept you from being with each other is thrown away. 

That hate, that fear, everything is gone because you realize you still needed each other. You’re still the same twenty year old couple standing in that dorm washroom, holding each other close and knowing it’ll be okay because at least you had each other. 

You grasp onto his damp shirt, pulling him down with such force that your lips meet again, taking charge as you finally allowed him to have you. 

“You’re a fucking idiot” you whined between kisses, curses escaping your lips when he softly bites the flesh of your neck to test the waters. “I hope you know that”

He agrees wholeheartedly, nodding as if he was already getting pussydrunk.

“I’m an idiot” he mumbles to himself, letting it escape his lips like a mantra. Well, he was stupid enough to only chase after you this late, so if his wife told him he was an idiot, then so he was.

“Let me prove how much I love you,” a hand comes to graze near the collar of your shirt. 

You gasped, watching as Hongjoong lifted you from your seat and rutted his hips against your core pathetically, your ass digging into the edge of the table.

“Here?” Your eyes widened, watching his expression turn dark. He presses kisses on your collarbone, making your hands grasp the wood for support. “Hongjoong wait,” you exhaled in a deep breath, heart beating against your chest.

But he doesn’t give a shit. He’s tired of waiting. 

“It’s been too fucking long” he protests, ripping your top off. You’re dizzy from how abruptly he’s stripping you, latching onto his shoulders for support as you wobble from him unzipping your jeans and pushing them down, exposing you in nothing but your underwear and bra. 

And like the good little whore you are, you immediately spread your legs, letting Hongjoong get a view of the embarrassingly wet patch leaking through your panties as he’s crouched down to let you step out of the denim near your ankles.

Holy fucking shit

You stand bashfully, toes curling from how exposed and vulnerable you were being the only one naked. 

“Please?” you asked nicely, letting your foot rest on his shoulder as your pussy was now on full display for him.

You don’t have time to even finish the last word before Hongjoong dives in, lapping at your soaking cunt and humming in pure ecstasy at the taste. The muffled vibrations make you throw your head back, tugging on his locks to shove his face further. 

Hongjoong’s hands press into your thighs that cage his head in, leaving a grip that you guarantee with littering the flesh with red splotchy bruises. Did you mind? Not at all.

When his tongue pokes at the gummy flesh of your walls, you let out a full moan, echoing throughout the studio as the air begins to smell like sex. 

“Right there, yes” you urged him, leg beginning to shake from how weak it was getting. 

He's so invested, you fear he might suffocate any longer if he doesn’t pull back for air. So you grasp his head, pushing him away from his meal while you both gasped lightly.

You watch him wipe his slick covered chin with the back of his hand, not breaking eye contact as he stares. 

“You were just begging to be fucked for all these years, weren’t you sweetheart?” He teases. 

Though you wanted him to lap at your juices until you came, you knew you needed to still feel his cock inside after so long. 

Your fingers played with the hem of your underwear, smiling back at your husband. 

“And you were just begging to get a taste of this pussy, weren’t you, Joong?” wiping that smug grin off his face.

”Lay down for me” he demands, getting up so that one hand finds its way to the back of your bra to unclasp it. The other clears half your desk covered in wedding dress blueprints and sketches, making sure nothing would make you uncomfortable before he fucked you on that mahogany surface so all you’d remember would be his name. 

And people said romance was dead. 

When the bra slides off and your bare back hits your desk, you suddenly realize what Hongjoong’s intention was when he ordered you to do that. 

Soft mounds spill out as your breasts take their natural form, giving Hongjoong the perfect view of your tits. Pervert. 

He immediately latches his tongue on a nipple, taking his hand and playing with the other, twisting painfully. 

A cry escapes your lips, parting them open as you let him play with them as much as he wanted to. He smiles against the motherfuckers, knowing that shut you up perfectly. 

“Are you ready for me to fuck you now?”

“Please, Joong, I need you” you whined, submitting yourself to your husband. He already knows you’re in need of one last kiss, coming up to give his wife what she wants by slotting his lips against yours again, this time much harsher. 

“Tell me so that I treat you good, baby” he mumbles, pulling back and making you clench your thighs together. He undoes his shirt in the meantime, unbuckling his belt and pressing a sweet kiss to your cheek when you sobbed. 

“Fuck me, please” 

His fingers slide your panties to the side to press his aching tip to your wet core. 

“Like this?” He teases.

“Inside, Hongjoong” you emphasized, meaning what you said with the way your nails dug into a pile of papers nearby. Biting your lip from how sensitive and needy your cunt was. 

“I know, I know,” he murmured, smiling to himself after messing with you. 

“I just missed this pretty cunt” before in one strong thrust, Hongjoong’s bulging tip enters inside your walls, giving you a stretch you forgot how much you loved. You whined softly. 

“Shit” he curses, relishing how the buildup finally led to this moment. 

The man is ravenous, but he’s genuinely trying his best to ease the painful stretch as you adjust to his thickness, nipping your neck in a trail of hickeys and love bites posessively.

With every thrust he makes, you arch your back, pencils and papers shuffling near by you. 

“Fucking look at my wife” he admires proudly, watching the woman he loves bounce her tits at every thrust of his cock. 

“S’too much” you caved in, shaking your head at the stimulation. 

You claw at his arms, head turning to the side as your eyes roll back from pleasure. 

“I know, mama, I know” 

He grabs a tit in his left hand, the right one coming down to play with your clit, pressing slow circles near where you were connected. 

“Fuck, I missed these” He rasps, savouring the feeling of your soft flesh in his hand, making you throw your head back. 

“Missed how they looked when you were pregnant” he says, thinking of how ethereal you looked when you were knocked up with his kids. 

“God, at this point I’m gonna get you fucking pregnant again” Hongjoong grunts, snapping his hips deliriously back and forth. He envisions you round and full, fulfilling his inner fantasy. 

“Shut up.” You spat, breaking the mood as you bit your lip to suppress a moan. He almost laughs when you then crane your hips back to give him easier access to keep penetrating you. The desk shuffles. 

“Your mouth is saying one thing, honey, but your body is saying something else” 

After hearing his words, you suck him in further, both of you now getting close. 

“M’close. M’so close!” you whimpered, sitting up so that now Hongjoong could hold you in his arms, caging your body so his cock could stuff you better. 

Your mouth hangs open in silent bliss, hands scratching his back. You leaned into his ear, making the final chord inside him snap. 

“Make me cum, daddy” 

And just like that, you’re clenching around Hongjoong’s massive cock as a creamy white ring begins to form. Hot ropes fill you up inside, tangled in a sweaty mess as he purrs, caressing the back of your head again in habit. 

“So fucking good, sweetheart. You did so good for me”

The sounds of your breathing fill the studio, a pencil or two rolling quietly away on the ground from being shoved off the desk. He shakes his head when you try to pull your sweaty bodies away, hair sticking to your neck but feeling the way he refuses. 

“Just let me love you,” he mumbles into your shoulder, dick softening inside you. “Just for a moment.”

You’re too tired to say anything back, so you finally give in. 

Seven years passed by you two without even realizing how much you still loved each other. Though you wouldn’t be able to get that time back, for once, there was something that you and Hongjoong agreed upon. 

You had no intention of wasting that time any more. 

𝐄𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐔𝐄:

Months later, and it still takes everything in Eunbyeol and Eunseo hearts to not scream at the sight of their parents when they walk hand in hand, smiling happily in public as they pick their daughters up from the first day of school. 

The girls jump into their parent’s embrace, eying the two silver rings they now wore proudly together. 

“How was school, darlings?” Hongjoong asks, pressing a kiss to Eunseo and Eunbyeol. 

“It was fun! We watched a documentary about lovebirds” she smiled, looking back up. You laughed softly.

“Which reminded me to tell you,” she grins, watching as you, her sister, and father all looked at her. 

“I hope you know that getting you and dad back together was my plan from the start.” she confesses, smirking at Eunbyeol who scoffs, crossing her arms. 

“Nuh uh, this was my idea first!” 

Before her sister could yell at her twin, you jumped in. 

“Plan? What plan?” You asked quizzically, both you and Hongjoong standing there confused.

“To get you guys to fall back in love again, of course!” Eunseo smiles, both her and her sister now giggling softly together.  

“How am I just finding out that there was a plan?” Hongjoong mutters, scratching his neck in confusion. You turned to the two girls, stopping in your tracks on your way to the car

“When did you two even think of all this?” grinning in astonishment as you felt Hongjoong slot his hand and intertwine it with yours. It felt natural now.

“Yeah, I'm curious too” he states, leaning close and becoming intrigued.

Your daughters look at each other before smiling. 

“It’s a long story.”

But at last, time is something you finally now have as a reunited family of four, walking back to your car, holding hands with a twin on each side.

Listening carefully, as your daughters start from the very beginning.

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[angrykittybarbarian]

About that Dragon Age: The Veilguard audio web series

Thinking back about the marketing for DATV I now realize it was kind of deceptive.

No, it was not literal fraud. They did not make specific promises and then broke them, not explicitely and in a way you could hold them liable in court over. And I get when you are advertising your product you will of course highlight its most favorable aspects while not shoving its negative sides into everyone's noses.

However I do think that EA/Bioware did stretch out the boundaries between regular endorsement and fraud.

It started with the web series Vows and Vengeance they uploaded weekly on Youtube right before release. At that time I was still hopeful and excited for the game. And Vows and Vengeance all but encouraged that excitement.

You know why? Because, and this surprised me, it was genuinely good.

Vows and Vengeance functioned as an early introduction to the companions. While they were not the main characters they did play a key role in each episode. The plot was what could be typically expected from a regular DA installment. It had a dark, gripping story. The dialogue was well written. It dealt with mature themes, it actually discussed the classism of Tevinter.

Lucanis was a proper crow who killed a good man because he was hired to do so. He was positively morally grey. Davrin had actually strong opinions when the main character dropped the Dread Wolf's name. Bellara was interesting in that it became clear how she struggled with her ADHD without using infantile language, Scout Harding acted smart, mature and competent, Taash was a morally grey bad ass, fitting for a freelance treasure hunter and with smart and witty dialogue to go with it.

It was amazing, I found myself excited every week for a new episode. It got me interested in the companions. I already contemplated to romance Taash because they were so cool and charismatic in that series. I thought, if a FREE webseries that was made for advertisement was already this great then the game had to be nothing short of phenomenal.

And then it just...wasn't. There was nothing of the depth that came through in the web series. It was as if I was presented with a sample of a multilayered chocolate cake but got a dry brownie after I actually paid the full price for it.

The sheer audacity behind this course of action is still so inconcievable to me, I sometimes still wonder why they put effort into writing the free thing and not the product they demand payment for. I still don't get it. The only explanation is they purposefully put out a misleading sample to lure in the customers in the beginning to spend money, right?

This fraud adjacent behavior does not stop there.

Remember when we thought we would be importing our worldstates from our previous games? There wasn't even a question about it in the beginning because this is such an intrinsic Bioware feature. But then the info about the three choices in the character creator leaked.

Leaked!

Meaning they never intended for this information to be known pre-release. They fully intended to keep it secret until it would be too late. They also never said they wanted a soft reboot.

This is the conclusion the fandom has drawn after they destroyed their own lore and went scorched earth on the entire south of Thedas.

And the biggesr lie was when they said this was their best work. After all this!

This is the reason why DATV's shortcomings are so devastating. This is why so many feel like the game was a slap to their faces. EA/Bioware gaslit and manipulated us from the very beginning. We have been cheated and betrayed.

The last bit of trust I and many others had in Bioware, they mercilessly crushed.

I personally will never take even one thing they say at face value again. You can only trust their actions from now on.

[bogleech]

MY DRAGON QUEST MONSTERS THREAD

Dragon Quest Monsters: The Dark Prince is the first DQM game I've ever gotten to play after admiring the series since childhood. The bad news is that it leaves out exactly the three DQ monsters I love most. The good news is that everything else about it is great. I've been taking regular screenshots as I play and I am going to start adding things about it to this post, so it is going to get long. First of all here are exactly my next three favorite monsters in the franchise, which they fortunately did include, and were all available to me by almost the first area:

"Mad Mollusk" or in other dq games "taileater" is great because it has a sad flabby slug face at one end and a fanged leech mouth at the other end. When it uses magic, it reveals giant eyeballs in its antennae somehow?! Love how big the "carnivorous" mouth gets in the attack animation. What a stretchy guy!

"Lunatick" is just called "meda" (eye) in Japanese, I'm glad they decided it was like a parasite thing in the localization.

Finally there's DROHL, a classic DQ enemy that looks like...well I'm not gonna say what it really looks like but I think it's a cool little freak unrelated to that and I think it talks exactly like Droopy dog. Oddly it's known as a "Drohl DRONE," and I believe there are other "castes" in other DQ games, but only the "drones" are in this one sadly. I've yet to find this in the wild; I got it through the breeding system!

....Which is by far the most addicting thing about this game. The actual gameplay is good solid turn based RPG stuff, if a bit basic, but every monster can be bred with another monster to unlock a slew of other species. This is one of the first games in which they actually call it a "fusion" system now, I guess dropping the word "breed" from the English localization, but all other in-game dialog still calls these the 'parents' and 'offspring' and even makes jokes that they're getting married, so yeah, it's still breeding. What happens when you breed a slime with someone's dead grandpa??

.....There are multiple monsters you can get from that, but one of them, and the one that makes the most sense, is Slimeshroom! This is a new DQ slime that's some fungus! What's also fun is that every monster has up to three skills, and each skill actually unlocks a ton of spells, attacks, boosts and effects as you spend skill points on them. Then when you breed two monsters, you can give the baby any three skills from the parents. Any at all! I used this to make my Slimeshroom both a healer and a fire mage in the early game. This catches you up with the same progress I talked about when I first got the game almost two months ago so here's some things that have happened since:

I bred a flying cat and a vampire chinchilla to get a.....sexy bat??

I helped a fat rat - that's the name of his species - rescue his son

I bred a people ghost with a lamp ghost to get a bag of dirt!

I fought this bastard giraffe man who called an elderly wizard a "naughty boy" and put him in candy jail.

"Duffer" from the Giraffe quest is also best friends with Eileen the eye demon, and when you rescue him, they become your loyal subjects! BAD NEWS: this entire game is actually a prequel to Dragon Quest 4, and the player character of this game is the villain of Dragon Quest 4. Duffer and Eileen are also in Dragon Quest 4. They die :( .......Maybe this game gives you a chance to fix that future??? I don't know.

[goldenlikedayl1ght]

we're in love - m. murdock

a/n: hi guys not dead just played a LOT of baldurs gate over break and now im back ay college with matt murdock brainrot this ones been floating around the old noggin a while. sorry. likes, reblogs, and comments are always appreciated! <3 warnings: DEAD DOVE with a happy ending, hard of hearing reader, cannon typical marvel violence, probably badly written violence, matt being upset, once again im tired and sleepy and bad at doing warnings, reader gets kidnapped TWICE, reader has superpowers, reader is TECHNICALLY a hybrid but literally just in the way that she has small antlers and deer like abilities (strength, jump height), fucked up experiments, ANGST ANGST ANGST, memory loss trope but like... the one from the hunger games. matt is hopelessly in love with reader, reader wants to kill matt, kissing, implied sexual ideas, cursing. SHAMELESS USE OF REAL OR NOT REAL FROM THG, reader having anxiety, and allusions of sex. word count: 7.1k summary: when your past finally catches up to you, matt truly learns what 'in sickness and in health' means. pairing: matt murdock x hoh!wife!reader now playing: we're in love - boygenius "will you still love me if it turns out I'm insane?/i know what you'll say/but it helps to hear you say it anyway."

Falling in love with Matt Murdock was the easy part.

Falling back in love with him was the tough bit.

You had spent the years leading up to meeting him as a boxer turned vigilante— Your dad had taught you how to fight young, which led to a lot of trouble at school until he eventually started helping you enter teenage fights against your mom’s wishes.

It’s how you paid for college.

And then, after your college experience, you lose control. It was never supposed to happen the way it did. You had lost a fight and stole the guy’s motorcycle in defiance. But the roads were wet from an early snow and people of New York never knew how to drive.

Just like that, the nerves in your hands were shot. The accident got your hearing too since you got sick from the cold after your accident. The infection got so bad that it took the hearing from your left ear—And half from your right.

For months, you thought you’d never gain control of your hands again, snapping from a promising young fighter to a deaf and shaky temp. You were miserable. Fighting was your everything for so long.

And then The Doctor found you.

No, not the alien from the British television show, but a man who promised you your old life back. He found you while you were at your lowest and realized that you would do anything for your old life back.

He said in exchange for your old life, all you would have to do would be a test subject for a harmless new drug he was testing out.

You were so enamored by the idea of your old life that you had decided to take him up on his offer, so you were whisked away upstate with a group of other people desperate enough to try this experiment out.

Every morning you were given a shot of blue liquid into your arm, and then, you were to preform a series of tasks to record your progress. After three weeks you grew frustrated that you had seen no progress. You spent most of your time asking people to talk into your right ear and becoming mad at The Doctor.

About a month in, you started growing antlers.

At first, you freaked out. Like, truly, screamed and yelled, wanting an explanation. The Doctor celebrated, telling you this was great news—And to prove it, he had you pick up a pen and write a sentence out. Your hands didn’t shake and did everything you told them to do.

On top of the antlers and the newfound control of your nerves, you were strong—Fast, too. You could jump twelve-foot walls. The Doctor was obsessed with you. While other patients died off from whatever drugs you were being given, you were thriving.

At the end of your three-month stay, you were excited to leave and head back to your life. You’d just have to wear beanies everywhere to hide your antlers, you told yourself. A small price to pay.

But The Doctor wouldn’t let you leave.

How could he, he asked you, when you were his best test subject?

Being a prisoner was a lot worse than you thought it would be. Day in and day out, you were trained to be a soldier, you think. Fighting various guards, doing different athletic tests. The serum hadn’t fixed your hearing, but it had given you all of these gifts.

Until The Doctor became cruel.

He gave the guards these batons that had shock currents at the end of them, instructing them to use it whenever you talked back or underperformed. For months you struggled through days of electric shocks and experiments.

One night, a guard slipped into your cell, expecting you to be an easy target. You quickly showed him differently, knocking him out and stealing his weapons. And then, you ran. You ran until your feet bled—No shoes.

An old woman who had retired upstate welcomed you into her small cabin and fed you, never asking about the small antlers growing out of your head. She simply gave you a warm knit cap and a pair of boots for the cold.

You remember eating chili with her as she told you about her deceased husband. You changed your last name to theirs, knowing The Doctor would find you if you kept going by your name. You stayed with her for a weekend, coming back from gathering firewood to The Doctor’s men there, having killed the kind old woman and on the hunt for you. You stole her car and never looked back.

The next few weeks after that had been full of killing various soldiers and armies that The Doctor had sent after you, until you eventually pushed The Doctor off a building, believing to have killed him for good.

And that was that.

You went on with your life as usual, finding a permanent job as a secretary. In a law office.

Which, of course, is where you met Matt.

With Matt, you never felt the need to hide who you were. Of course, it was a lot easier to tell him that some mad scientist had infected you with a drug that turned you into a deer hybrid when he told you that he was Daredevil.

And with time, some of the effects of the serum began to fizzle out. Strength, Agility, Antlers—Those stayed. The control over your hands didn’t. But you made peace with that. Physical Therapy twice a week and hearing aids helped.

Especially because early Sunday mornings were filled with Matt running his fingers through your hair, running his pointer finger along the curves of your antlers. He takes your hands and kisses your fingertips as they shake, hushing you softly when you start crying as he does.

He spars with you and spends nights running around New York City with you, jumping from rooftop to rooftop.

He tells you about Elektra, Stick, his dad, and Fisk.

One day, when you feel safe enough, wrapped up in his arms and a layer of blankets as snow falls against the windows, you tell him about The Doctor.  You explain to him your nightmares, and why they will never go away.

He kisses away your tears and promises he’ll never let anything happen to you.

When he asks you to marry him, you don’t hesitate to say yes. There’s not a moment where you regret that decision. You insist to get married in the summer, during the short month where your antlers shed before they grow back. He agrees happily, just wanting you to be happy.

You’ve been married for about five months when you start to think about kids. You’ve been married six when you realize the worst possible scenario is your reality—When vials of blue serum show up at your front door with a note scribbled out—

‘My Best Test Subject,

I cannot wait to catch up with you soon.

-The Doctor’

You call Matt in a panic, begging him to come home and be with you. He obliges and holds you as you calm down. He promised to love you in sickness and in health, and that is what he fully intends to do.

This is the story of the greatest challenge that your marriage would face.

• • •

After the note you had received, you almost exclusively traveled with Matt. Even for just a casual stroll, a walk to the deli or home from work, He was there with you. He knew you could handle yourself, but you felt safer with him close by.

But Matt’s senses were never as focused when it rained, especially on nights like today. The rain pours, it almost stings against his skin. And it’s loud. You don’t have your hearing aids in, so they catch you both by surprise.

It all happens too fast—

In an instant, Matt is being pulled off your arm and slammed against the closest brick alley, and when he hears the click of a gun behind him, he realizes what’s happening. He tries to fight, but before he can make any process, someone is swinging that gun against his head, and when he wakes up, he’s all alone.

He calls out to you and gets no response other than thunder rumbling from miles away. He is filled with nothing but a rage, a determination to find you.

He scrambles for his phone and uses it to call Karen.

“I need you to get Frank.” He tells her, “Please. I.. I don’t know what happened, but.. He took her, I need.. Karen, I need to find her.” He tells her.

Frank is on his way to New York within the hour.

• • •

When you wake up, your arms are strapped behind your back in some sort of metal contraption. You can feel the ache in your hands, indicating that you had fought against whoever brought you here. The room is quiet. A small cot in one corner, but the rest of the room is barren.

You’re wearing white pants and a gray muscle tee, with no shoes. You’re suddenly thankful you left your wedding ring at home, so that it might not end up in his hands.

You wait a while, and then the door opens. The Doctor, flanked by two men in heavy armor, holding those batons you’re all too acquainted with, steps into the room. You simply stare, but The Doctor looks like a child on Christmas morning.

But there’s something else to his appearance. His left eye is this bright yellow, and his pupil is a different shape. Green scales travel up his neck and coat the bottom right half of his face, and down his arms, reaching his fingertips. He looks like a monster, but you quickly realize what has happened.

Whatever serum gave you your abilities, was given to him. Only, his was made from that of snakes, not deer.

“My beautiful creation!” He gasps and takes your face in his hand, planting a kiss to your head, right between your antlers. “It’s been too long, you know.” His ‘s’ sounds are elongated, and his teeth are sharper. He has become destroyed by his own mad endeavors. When you don’t respond to his greeting, he continues to speak. “It’s been an eventful few years for you, huh?” When this doesn’t get a response from you, he stands up straight and backs up just a foot. “New job, new name… New husband.” Your head snaps up at that. “What? You think I haven’t been keeping tabs on you and the boy? What do you call him, then? Matthew or Daredevil?”

Your eyes grow wide, unsure how he knows about your husband’s secret hobby.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” You spit, your gaze hardening into a glare.

“Don’t I? You make quite the couple. The little deaf doe and her crime fighting blind husband.” He laughs, “And they say I like a project.”

“You won’t touch him or I swear to god—”

“Little doe, you misunderstand. I want nothing to do with your husband. I just want you to be the good subject I know you can be.” He tells you. “You and I are the only of our kind. I want to study you, replicate you.”

“You’re going to kidnap more people.”

“You weren’t kidnapped, you volunteered.”

“I won’t do whatever it is you want me to do.” You tell him. “I don’t care, I will escape, I will kill you.”

He shakes his head, taking one of the batons from the guards, before hitting you across the face with it. You groan in pain, turning your head back to glare at him. He sighs.

“I didn’t want to have to do this. But I did anticipate that Husband of yours interrupting things.” He hands the baton back to the guard before telling him. “Take her down the hall and get her ready, alright?”

You struggle your way down the hall, refusing to do whatever is coming to you without a fight. When the guards uncuff you to strap you to this big dentist looking chair, you manage to get out of the grasp of the guard, swinging a punch on him but this newfound advantage is short lived, as the other guard quickly grabs your arms and pushes you against the chair. You’re yelling and thrashing but they manage to get your arms and legs strapped down to the chair.

Your heartbeat is racing, and quietly, only in your mind, you beg. But not for mercy. Not from The Doctor. You beg Matt to come find you. Because you know that you do not stand a chance on your own, but maybe he could find you. He had to find you.

The Doctor sits in a chair next to you and holds up a small purple vial.

“This is hallucinogenic snake venom, mixed with a duller version of the serum we gave you. What this will do is allow me to go into your memories and alter them.” He explains as if you’re getting a simple procedure done. Tears fill your eyes.

“You’re going to make me forget him?” You ask, your voice breaking.

The Doctor hushes you softly, wiping your tears softly.

“Oh, no, little doe. I’m going to change what you do remember about him to make you hate him.”

• • •

Six months is a long time to be without your wife. For anyone, no matter who it is.

For Matt Murdock, it’s absolute torture. He spends all day half paying attention to his work while trying to research who The Doctor is. He spends all night trying to find you.

Frank lives, breathes, eats and sleeps to find you. He’s still technically a wanted man, so he pretty much stays under the radar as he looks for you. You remind him of a lot of guys he knew in the army, of himself.

Karen busies herself with research, looking through cases of old files at The Bulletin to try and see if there are any tips or stories that could maybe be connected to where you are. She gets about as little sleep as Matt.

And Foggy has the most important job of all.

Making sure Matt doesn’t kill himself in the process of trying to find you. Because for the first two months Matt didn’t sleep, hardly ate. And as he deteriorated, Foggy reminded him that to find you, he’d need to stay alive. He needs to shower, he needs to keep going to church, he needs to keep eating. The thought of hearing your heartbeat again keeps him going.

It’s as they’re packing up to go home one night that Frank comes into the office with blood-stained hands. They all know he wouldn’t be here if he didn’t have something, so Karen asks first.

“What? What is it?”

“Buddy of mine found a file. Some private medicinal corporation funding a project for some sort of doctor doing cancer research, upstate.”

The location peaks Matt’s interest, because one of the few things he knows of your first experience is that the lab was in upstate New York.

“Okay, but—” Karen starts, but Frank hands her the file.

“Report shows the guy had scales.” He told her. “And I don’t know what you guys make of that but sounds to me like a side effect similar to the serum that was given to her.”

“Where?” Matt asks.

“Red, just—”

“Give me a god damn address, Frank.” He demands.

“I’ll drive you. Come on, things are probably gonna get wild and I don’t want you going alone.” He told him. Matt agrees, but only because he knows he can’t drive and would wind up walking to you.

“Then let’s go.” Before Frank can argue, Matt is walking out the door and going to get suited up for the journey ahead.

• • •

Daredevil is my enemy.

Matt Murdock hates me.

I hate him.

We were never really in love with each other.

These are the thoughts that echo through your mind as you wait for your next round of testing. The six-month mark is pivotal, The Doctor tells you time and time again.

Overall, you’ve made tremendous progress. He tells you that within weeks, other serums will be ready to test on new subjects. Maybe then, he tells you, he’ll promote you from just being a soldier.

Maybe.

You almost don’t hear the alarm going off somewhere in the distance. Of course, you don’t. The serum has never helped your hearing.

The way you remember it, Daredevil, a man who once claimed to love you, fought you to the point that he destroyed the nerves in your hands, destroyed your hearing. It’s fuzzy now, but you know this: The Doctor helped you. He put you back together.

But you do hear the alarm, eventually. It concerns you; it means someone has broken into the building. Your thoughts linger on the masked vigilante that haunts your nightmare. You’re getting stronger to defeat him, The Doctor says.

It’s a cool summer night when whoever it is broke in, breaks down your door. You immediately stand, quickly identifying Frank Castle, a grin breaking across your face. Closely behind, you identify a man in red.

Your heartbeat races, but you just stare at the pair.

Matt strips off his helmet and approaches you, wanting to make sure this was real. That you were real. His hands find your cheeks, and tears fill his eyes. He says your name gently.

“I found you, I’ve got you…”

You blink, unsure of what sort of cruel teasing that was.

Because in an instant, your glare hardens and you’re pushing him against a wall, starting to throw punches at him. He’s too far in shock to react, but Frank is pulling you off of him, and you’re struggling against him.

“Let me go! I need to kill him! He’s evil, he needs to die!” You cry, and Matt is just saying your name softly, in absolute disarray. What had they done to you, his sweet girl?

Frank pins you down to the ground, unsure of why you, a woman he had perceived to be so in love with the man behind him, are so adamant that he dies.

“Enough, Enough!” He barks, grabbing your chin and forcing you to look at Matt. “That is your husband, girl. Stop acting like he’s torturing you when he is not the one whose been experimenting on you for six months!”

“Let me go, I need him gone! He’s cruel, He’s a monster!” You cry, and Matt has started crying. Putting you both out of your misery, Frank hits you in a way that knocks you right out. Matt goes over to your now unconscious form and pets your hair.

“Why was she—”

“I don’t know.. I just don’t know, red. Let’s get her out of here to figure it out, okay?” Matt just nods and grabs his helmet, slipping it on so Frank can’t see him crying anymore.

• • •

If you had a nickel for every time you woke up tied to a chair, you’d have more nickels than you had fingers.

Today is no different.

You’re surrounded by people you don’t recognize. And one you do. Your angry glare stays on him, and he looks upset by it.

You’re unsure why. You’re so sure he just wanted you dead.

The blonde woman in front of you says your name softly. When your gaze shifts to her, you notice her soft eyes.

“How do you know my name?” You ask.

She frowns.

“It—Because we’re good friends.”

“I don’t know you.”

“You don’t… My name is Karen.” She says softly. She goes over to a nearby shelf, pulling out a picture frame and showing it to you. “Here, that’s you and me. At your wedding.”

“My wedding? The one that he set up just to hurt me?”

Matt remembers you telling him that you had never been happier than when you were getting ready for your wedding.

There’s two other men, one held you down while you were meant to kill Matt, but the other one.. You vaguely remember him standing next to Matt when you got married.

He speaks next.

“Matt and Frank, they found these vials in one of the labs. We think the man that took you used it to... to alter your memories.”

“Why would The Doctor do that? He helped me.” You tell them, unsure what to make of this whole situation. Matt is growing extremely frustrated because he knows just how scared you were of that monster.

“Untie her.” Matt tells Frank, and everyone looks at him like he’s crazy. Including you because you know that you’ll just try and kill him. “Do it,” he tells him again and very hesitantly, Frank does untie you. When you’re free from the rope, you step forward to go towards Matt, but Frank grabs your arm.

“Don’t,” he says. But then, Matt reaches for Frank’s gun on the nearby table and hands it to you. Odd choice for a man you want to kill.

“Go ahead.” He tells you, facing you now. “Shoot me, kill me if that’s what you really want to do.” He says. You stare at the gun in your hand for a second, before holding it properly and aiming it at Matt. Everyone waits with bated breath to see what you’ll do.

Pull the trigger, you tell yourself, The Doctor’s voice echoing around your head. He hurt you, the voice says. He needs to die.

And yet, you just stare at the man on the other end of the gun, trying to build up the courage to kill him. To kill the man that for months you have been taught needs to die. That you have memories of hurting you, of maiming you.

Your hand tremors as tears fill your eyes, until you eventually drop your arm, so the gun isn’t pointing at him anymore.

“Look at the photo of you and Karen,” Matt tells you, “You have hearing aids in the photo. I didn’t do that to you, you got into a bad accident, you got sick and that’s how you lost your hearing. I had nothing to do with that. You even had your powers before me, you didn’t just get them in the past six months. The Doctor is an evil man who just wanted to torture people and turn them into science experiments.” He tells you, and you want to tell him to stop, that it’s not true. But something in you tells you not to. “I love you,” he says gently, and you flinch away from him when he says this.

It breaks his heart into a million pieces. Absolutely shatters it.

“I don’t know you.” You tell him.

Sensing that Matt doesn’t know what to say to that, Frank steps forward.

“Hey. I’m Frank, you remember me?”

“You pinned me down when you found me.” He sighs softly.

“Yeah, well.. You have memories of when the two of you got married, right? So those are real memories… What about the ones of him hurting you? Do they look any different?”

You take a moment to close your eyes and really focus on the memory you have so closely attached to the man in red. They’re.. Filmy. Like they have a filter on them or like glass shimmering in the sun.

Tears fall from your eyes as you open them, your hand quickly coming up to wipe your tears.

“I think we did enough for now.. She needs to rest.” The man whose name you don’t know, but he has this shaggy blonde hair. Then this question comes up in everyone’s mind—Where will you stay?

“I’ll take the couch,” Matt says, “You take the bed.” You don’t know how comfortable you are with being alone with Matt in this apartment, even if the memories are fake. They feel pretty real.

“I don’t know if—” Karen starts.

“I.. It’s fine..” you say softly, and that fills Matt with a fraction of hope. “It’s just over night.”

Frank sighs softly, taking his gun off the table and glancing at Matt.

“We’re only a phone call away, alright?” Karen tells him.

It feels sort of awkward that they only talk to him as if you can’t hear them. Well, you can’t hear them very well, but you can hear.

“There’s clothes for you in the bedroom,” Matt tells you, “Go take a shower and I’ll walk them to the door.” Very reluctant to turn your back on Matt, you make your way to the bedroom to gather your clothes and go to shower.

You really haven’t had a good shower in six months, so it’s nice to wash the dirt off your skin and from beneath your fingernails. You spend a long time under the hot shower, letting it burn your skin. Your whole life has been turned upside down because you’re slowly coming to terms with the fact that Matt Murdock isn’t your sworn enemy, and that maybe.. he just.. does like you..

Meanwhile, Matt walks the others out, or at least to the door, hesitant to go too far from you.

Foggy glances back to him before he leaves, curiously.

“How did you know she wouldn’t shoot you?”

He hesitates.

“I didn’t.” he says softly. “I just trusted that somewhere within her, my wife still loves me.”

• • •

Later that night, you stare out the window of his apartment at that bright billboard. You gaze at it curiously, and hear Matt call your name gently behind you. In his hands, he holds your hearing aids.

You put them on, and just look at him for a few minutes.

“You kept them?”

“I never stopped looking for you..” He told you. “I prayed every night hoping to hear your heartbeat again.” He tells you, and you don’t know what to make of it. He seems so devoted to you, yet you have these memories of him beating you until you’re close to death.

“I’m sorry I can’t be in love with you the way you want me to be.”

He shrugs gently.

“In sickness and in health, right?”

“And in torture and memory alteration.”

“Same thing.”

For the first time in six months, you smile.

Maybe your husband isn’t such a bad guy.

You can only hope he’ll love you long enough for you to get your shit together and not want to kill him anymore.

• • •

Memories are a tricky thing.

You decide to spend your days with Frank, hunting down various people who worked with The Doctor. You talk a lot about your memories with him. And no matter what, at the end of the day, you have dinner with Matt.

One night, he brings home Thai Food.

“We had this for our first date,” he recalls. “You got pad Thai, your favorite.” You try to recall the memory.

“You wore a nice blue button up, right?” You say softly. He smiles gently and nods.

“Yeah. I did.” He says gently.

“Can..” You hesitate. “Can you tell me more about it? Our life together? I can’t.. discern between what’s real and fabricated.” You’re making new memories, sure, but you know he misses the life the two of you had together.

But he’s caught off guard by your request. For the past few weeks, you’ve been hesitant to indulge in any memories you think might be real.

“You used to work for me.” He tells you. “Not in a weird way, but our office is small. We fell in love over Thai food and opening statements.”

“Why did you want to marry me?”

He hesitates for a second, not wanting to scare you off.

“Because I love you.” He tells you. “Because when you were with me, it was the closest thing I’d ever knew to peace.” He confesses.

“Oh..”

“Yeah.” He takes another bite of his food. “You know if you have a memory and you don’t know if it’s real, you can always ask.”

You smile softly.

“Thanks.” There’s a soft silence that fills the room before you ask, “I have this memory of us in bed, with you running your hand through my hair.. Your fingers tracing these antlers I have.. Is that real?”

“Yeah, it is..” He promised. “I have a thing about textures and your hair is soft.”

“I’m glad.” You smile. This is nice. This gentleness that’s between you. It’s a softness you aren’t used to, one that you don’t know if you’d ever quite get used to.

Later that night, when you were meant to be fast asleep, you wake up with a startling gasp in bed. You look around panicked. You don’t quite know who you’re looking for..

Until Matt comes into the room, a concerned look on his face.

“Are you okay?” He asks, and this calmness washes over you.

“Yeah..”

“Okay. Okay, good, I’ll be in the living room if you need me.” He says softly. He’s been so good to you, sleeping on the couch for so many weeks. He goes to leave, but you call out to him. He turns back to you.

“Can you stay with me?” You ask.

“Yeah, of course.” He says softly, climbing into bed with you. You think for a second, before shifting a bit, resting your head against his chest. You listen to the gentle thud of his heartbeat, as his hand finds your back, gently rubbing up and down. “Do you want to talk about it?”

He isn’t dumb—He knows you have nightmares. And that on the nights that you do, you’re quieter and more avoidant of him. It’s a bad habit, one you want to break. Because you recognize that your dreams aren’t real.

Matt has never done anything to you, and you’re sure of this.. For the most part. Sometimes when you wake up, you must reorient yourself and remind yourself that Matt has no malicious intent towards you and no reason to hurt you.

But it takes you a few minutes to accomplish this. On those mornings, you tend to keep your distance from him, and because Matt wants nothing but your happiness, he stays away from you. But tea is always placed in front of you, and he never strays far from you.

“Not really.” You finally answer. There’s another beat of silence. “We went as the couple from The Princess Bride for our first Halloween together.. Real or not real?”

���Real.” He confirms.

“You broke my nose once during an argument. Real or not real?”

“Not real.” He tells you. “I would never hurt you. Even when we used to fight at the gym, it was always for practice, never to do actual damage. And when we would spar, it would always end with us going home and taking a hot bath.”

You close your eyes, trying to recall that particular memory. When you find it, your face flushes with this unfamiliar heat.

“You’re still trying to protect me even though I wanted you dead... Real or not real?”

“Real.” He doesn’t even hesitate. He’s not sure if you’ve realized it yet, but he’d rather die than put you anywhere close to being in danger. His hand continues to trace patterns into your skin, as you think about his response.

You fall asleep like this, close to the man who you’re realizing has never intended to hurt you a day in your life.

• • •

The day you realize you’re in love with your husband is horrifying.

Which seems like a crazy accusation to make, and yet, you feel nothing but horror when you realize that you are desperate for him. Which is insane, because you’ve been living with him for two months when you realize you are desperate to kiss him like you’re drowning and need air.

It happens at the office. You decided to cook, because you remember really liking it, and to say thank you for all he’s done for you, you want to bring lunch to Matt at work. So you make this really delicious chicken pesto pasta, and you pick up sodas to go along with it. Matt gets the following text:

‘Your favorite soda is Dr. Pepper. Real or not real?’

Five minutes later, you get a response.

‘Real. Yours is sprite.’

You pick up a bottle of each and head over to his office. You’ve been there a few times before, but mostly it was because Frank needed to talk to Karen about something, but lately you’ve found yourself wanting to go to the office just to see Matt.

Matt is surprised when he hears the familiar beat of your heart on the other side of the door. He can also hear the slight buzz of your hearing aids.

“Sweetheart, you can come in.” He calls, but you hesitate even further. Not because you’re confused as to why he knows it’s you, but because your brain sort of short circuits when he calls you the pet name. But after a few minutes, you walk into the room and place lunch on his desk, as well with your drinks.

“Do you like pesto?”

“We had pesto pasta at our wedding.” Oh.

“So you do?”

“Yeah, I do. Especially the way you make it.”

“Oh, good.” You smile and sit at the chair on the other side of the desk. “Because I made chicken pesto pasta for lunch and figured you might want some.”

“Well, thank you for thinking of me.”

There’s a quiet calm between the two of you.

“This is a pretty killer first date, huh?” This makes Matt laugh, because in his mind, your first date was eating Thai food and listening to music. But this isn’t bad either.

“Well, Chivalry must be dead then, because I didn’t even buy you flowers.” He hums, and you tilt your head.

“I don’t remember you ever buying me flowers.” He frowns at this.

“Well, I’m going to have to fix that.”

And that’s how the afternoon goes. You sit with Matt in his office, eating a homemade chicken pasta and falling in love with him. As you go to leave, he asks you what you have planned for the day.

“I have some errands to run, but I should be home to make dinner.” And for a moment, Matt forgets all that’s happened, and he lets himself believe that you have all your memories of him perfectly intact and no one’s ever made you think otherwise.

You get back to the apartment a few hours later, and just as you’re unpacking your groceries, there’s a knock at the door. When you open it, a delivery man stands with a bouquet of flowers. Your face is warm as you sign off on them.

As you put them in their vase, you notice a note attached to it. You catch yourself grinning as you read his little note, that reads ‘I’ll buy you flowers until I’m old and wrinkly. Real.’

The urge to run back to the office and kiss him overwhelms you.

So you call Frank.

This leads to the pair of you, sitting at a booth in a diner, nursing coffees and toast.

“I hope you didn’t call me here just to complain about married life.” He tells you, making a joke out of the thing that terrifies you.

“No, I just wanted you to sit here talking to a chick with antlers so you can look like more of a freak than you already are.” You tease.

It gets you both laughing. These moments, in between all the nightmares and all of the filmy memories, fill you with a light you can’t quite describe.

“So, why’d you really call me to meet up?” He asks. “I have to assume you don’t just want to chitchat.”

“I think I’m in love with Matt.” You tell him. He raises an eyebrow.

“What? Why does that sound like you think it’s a problem?” He asks.

“I don’t know.” You confess. “It’s like I don’t want to love him, like a part of me still believes he’s the bad guy. I know he does.. Besides, I was so awful to him for so long. I pointed a gun at him and he still comforts me every night. What if I don’t deserve this?” You ask. “What if I don’t deserve him?”

Frank actually laughs—Okay, not like a giggle or a belly laugh, but it gets a good chuckle out of him.

“You and Red with that shit—Questioning if you’ve done enough for something good to happen to you. With the ‘Do I deserve this?’ and the ‘Am I worthy of this?” He shakes his head. “All that shit is irrelevant. Do you want it? Do you want to be with him?”

Tears fill your eyes as you realize what that means.

“You and him, you love each other like breathing, and I know you don’t quite get that yet, but it’s the same reason you didn’t shoot him that day. Something in you knows that you love him and deserve his love.” Frank is speaking from experience, because he knows that no matter what he’s done, he knows he deserves one more kiss from his wife.

But he’ll never get that chance.

He hopes Matt does.

• • •

It takes you a long time to make your way back to the apartment. When you get there, Matt immediately stands from his place on the couch and has this look of concern etched across his face.

“Is everything okay?” he asks gently, “Your heart is racing, I just want to make sure you’re safe and—"

“I’m fine.” You smile gently. “Really, I… Thank you for the flowers.” You tell him. His face softens.

“You like them?”

“I love them, Matt.” You confess. “I’ve spent.. So long trying to rationalize everything, sort out the real things from the things that aren’t..” You’re not too sure what you’re trying to say. “I just.. I want.. I want to try. I want to try and be with you, I’m ready for that. I’m ready to be happy with you..”

He hesitates. Not because he doesn’t want to, because he doesn’t want you, but he is worried that you’re only saying these things because you feel like you might owe him. You don’t. You don’t owe him anything other than what you want to give him, and he is desperate for you to know that.

“Sweetheart, You don’t.. I don’t need.. I don’t need you to pretend like you want me just because I’ve taken care of you. It’s more than enough to just—”

Matt is cut off by his first kiss from you in eight months. Your hands rest on the sides of his cheeks, and his arms are quickly around your torso. The kiss is passionate but soft at first—Until you push deeper, desperate to be as close as you can to him. Your hand even comes up to pull off his glasses to see his eyes.

Without thinking, you pull away from him only for your hand to come down to the hem of his shirt, going to pull it off.

“Off, off, off, off—” You softly request, and he just laughs, taking your hand in his, pressing a kiss to the back of it.

“Stop. Wait.” He says gently. “I just.. I want to make sure you actually want this.. That you really want me.”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“You’ve been reserved for the past two months, rightfully so, but now you want to sleep with me.. I don’t want you to do something you’ll regret. Or something you do just because you feel lonely or bad that I—” You cut him off with another kiss, breaking it shortly after.

“I want you. I want to rebuild my life with you. I want to create new, untainted memories.. It won’t be easy, but I want to be with you.” You confess. “I want countless summer nights, I want you to be there for all the nightmares, I.. I want to give you the same peace you’ve been trying to give me.”

You’re both crying and you don’t quite know why. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a gold band. He slips it onto your fingers and kisses you again. He holds the hand with your wedding ring on it as he leads you into the bedroom. Into your life together. Into your arms. Where you were meant to be.

The next morning, you lay in the quiet of your apartment, the silk sheets tickling your skin. You focus on Matt’s breathing. He traces patterns into your skin.

“What are you thinking about?” You ask, and he takes a moment to answer.

“You.” He says gently. “You’re all I’ve been thinking about for three years.” He says gently. Then, when you don’t say anything, “Our anniversary was two months ago..” You know he misses the life you could have had together.

The life that he had planned out for the pair of you in his head. The life that oh so quietly, he longs for. The one without nightmares, supplemented by the laughter of any potential children you might have.

“I could get used to thinking about you, too, you know.” And it makes him laugh, as you lean up and bite his shoulder gently, before placing a kiss to that same patch of skin. He swats your arm gently before the pair of you break down into giggles.

“In the future, if you ever.. don’t want to do that, you don’t have to.”

“I know.” You tell him.

A comfortable silence fills the air again.

“I’m so happy you came back to me.” He says gently. “I was.. I spent so long worried that.. that we’d spend years just trying to find our footing again. That you wouldn’t get better..” For the second time tonight, you cut off his overthinking with a kiss.

“I love you.” You tell him when you’re finally ready to pull away. The morning light shines into the apartment, giving Matt this glowing effect. He practically shimmers in the golden light, and you just take a moment to commit the look of him to memory.

You try and take your time, studying him. He’s so beautiful this time of day.

“Real or not real?” He asks you softly, as one hand snakes up to your hair, his fingers gently running through it.

You lean forward and place a soft kiss to his lips.

“Real.”

[alwaysahiccupandastrid]

Some things I’ve noticed on my second viewing of “Five Nights at Freddy’s” (2023)

(Some of these are obvious, don’t @ me, I’m autistic and I had work the day I first watched the film so my brain was all over the place)

Once again, SPOILERS ARE UNDER THE CUT, PLEASE DONT READ IF YOU ARE AVOIDING SPOILERS!!!!

On my first viewing I thought that showing the security guard at the very start loosening the bolts of the chair straps was a fake out to make us believe he’d escape, but actually he loosened the bolts which is how Mike was able to escape later on

Just want to say that the opening credits are fucking cool and I love them so much

In my previous post about things in the FNAF movie, I incorrectly said there was no Golden Freddy - Golden Freddy is in fact in the film, he’s the one who goes to the house/kills Aunt Jane/is in the taxi

Following on from the above point, I said last time that I thought the cupcake was the fifth ghost child but I actually think it’s Golden Freddy to be honest - the blonde girl was obviously Chica, the boy with the bunny ears was Bonnie, the ginger boy was Foxy, and then there was the blonde boy and another boy with a top hat on. I originally thought that the blonde boy who wore the brown shirt was Freddy because he seemed like the leader, but now I’m wondering if the boy with the top hat was Freddy and the leader boy was in fact Golden Freddy (given his blonde hair)? I’m interested to hear what everyone else thinks

This is obvious but the doctor foreshadowed the ending because she told Mike that drawings are powerful tools for children to express things and understand things, and that’s exactly how Abby communicated to the gang at the end that Afton was responsible for their deaths

^side note but as an early years practitioner at a nursery/for preschool children, it’s actually true that pictures are used to help children learn things even before they can read, write or talk. I don’t know, it just interested me to be like “oh yeah that’s true!!”

There was not that much focus on Mike’s dad, like he was seen so briefly compared to his mom, which makes me wonder if there’s something to it that might be revealed in a future film. Like maybe his “dad” isn’t his dad or something? Because in the game canon, William is his father, so… I don’t know. I also saw someone else point out that in the training video Mike watched, there was a man working on the animatronics who maybe looked like the actor playing Mike’s dad, so maybe his dad worked there with the animatronics?

The film appears to be set in 2000; I’m 90% sure the security cam of Mike in the careers office showed the date as being in 2000, but if someone else can clarify or confirm the exact date then that would be great. It would make sense though because Garret presumably went missing around the same time as the ghost kids (in the 80s), so the film being set in the present day (meaning Mike would be in his 50s) would make zero sense. Also the mobile phones/computers all seem like they come from the early 2000s

Someone on Twitter pointed out that one of Abby’s drawings on her wall appeared to be a red airplane, which could just be an indication/foreshadowing of her knowledge of Garret’s disappearance (his toy airplane) but also someone else said it could have been 9/11 which….?!?! If this film is set in 2000, then that’s FUCKED

(I think it’s either a random drawing or to do with Garret’s toy tbh but the idea of her having foresight of 9/11 is fucking horrifying)

I’m still not totally sure which animatronic the gang were going to force Abby into, like it’s one with spring locks and at first I thought it might be Circus Baby but it doesn’t really look like her. It looks almost like a marionette or something? And I mean, yeah, it could be that they changed the design a bit but they literally stayed faithful to the designs of all the animatronics in the series so… you know.

Desperate to know if Matthew Lillard is aware of the fact that his DILF status has been multiplied by one hundred after this film like can someone check in on him and see if he’s alright? 💀 the FNAF girlies fans are frankly RABID about Afton

On that note, I wonder if Josh Hutcherson or Matthew Lillard have ever played any FNAF games, like were they fans before being cast or…? I really wish we could have content of them talking about the film or promoting it, but Hollywood refuses to pay their actors fairly so 🤷‍♀️

Listen, I ADORE both Josh and Matthew anyway but in this film I feel like Matthew especially stood out??? Maybe it’s just the character he’s playing but he ATE this role up (so did Josh but still)

I feel like the springlock scene was actually more terrifying upon a second viewing like at my first one I was like “that’s not as bad as I imagined” but this time I was like “holy shit he’s in agony” like his screams were PAINFUL to listen to

Speaking of painful to listen to, Freddy gave this really guttural and pained roar/scream at one point during the ending and it really made my heart hurt, it’s like the child inside of him was reliving the memory of their murder or something??? I can’t describe it but it was such an intense moment

I honest to god feel like I enjoyed it more on a second viewing and I don’t know why??? Maybe it’s just because the other people in my cinema weren’t laughing every five minutes but still.

I now have the urge to rewatch ALL of Markiplier’s playthroughs of ALL the FNAF games so… yep!

Once again begging for people to talk about FNAF because I’m not the most knowledgable on the series but I do enjoy it!

[mistydeyes]

hey, can i please request headcanons of 141 boys with reader that is a youtuber?

omg yes ofc! i used to (and still am) a HUGE YOUTUBE WATCHER so this was so fun to do :) thank you again for requesting!

vidcon but the uk version

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summary: You're not any regular civilian, you're a Youtuber ;) In all seriousness, here's some headcanons of how the boys interact with your channel and support you!

pairing: 141 x YouTuber!Reader

warnings: swearing

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price - beauty and skincare

you were already big on YouTube when you met John

he can't go into a Sephora without someone mentioning your latest video or TikTok

someone would assume you were an employee based on how you were able to help the fan pick out the best skincare and makeup

he was shocked at the sheer number of brand deals you participate in

he also is in awe at the corner you had dedicated to your ring light and makeup desk with a nice camera set-up

when you eventually move in together, he's just used to the number of parcels you get daily

he will insist on at least giving you some money when you do a beauty haul (even though you tell him you don't need it)

one time he tried to surprise you by picking out some things that you mentioned

now your most popular video is “trying out makeup that my boyfriend picked out”

his only annoyance is when you accidentally stain one of the face towels

eventually just buys a new set meant specifically for you when you wash off a look

you're planning on having a new video where you do skincare on him and finally get at some of his blackheads

soap - gaming

prior to meeting Johnny, you already had a sizable channel

you primarily did long lets plays and the occasional stream

your setup is absolutely gorgeous -i'm talking led lights, two monitors that have the best processing power, pro gaming chair, and posters

it took awhile to curate but it's your baby and you make sure he knows that

loves watching you game and will occasionally keep you company for those long streams

it reminds him of when his younger siblings would watch him game on their early Playstation and X-Box consoles

your subscribers love when he's there though because he has the best reactions

your most popular video? "my boyfriend plays five nights at freddy's ⚠️headphone warning⚠️"

despite having amazing technical skills on the field, his multitasking sucked and he would always forget to check on foxy or overuse the battery

you had a great time editing the video after and emphasizing the jumpscares

he won't subject you to rewatching your videos with him but he likes watching other channels or collars you've done

"This guy is absolute shite" "I know, that's why I don't play multiplayer with him anymore"

he'll be so excited if you ever get invited to a big event like Pax, E3, or Gamescom

you basically have to keep him on track as he loves stopping in artist's alley and looking at all the trinkets and merch people are selling

make sure to bring a huge suitcase because your game room is getting a few new additions

gaz - internet documentaries

think of Internet Historian or Down the Rabbit Hole vibe

your channel is dedicated to internet phenomena like Florida Man or the movement to Storm Area 51

you'd tell the facts of the trend and then add a few funny commentary pieces

usually your videos are 45 min to an 1 hr long so a lot of work goes into it

it's more of a hobby than anything but Kyle always thinks the amount of research you do for it is insane

"Babe I think you need a new laptop" "Why?" "I always know you're about to make a new docu-series because it sounds like a fucking airplane takin off"

once your laptop doesn't sound like its going to blow up, he'll be sure to keep you company as you write down your script

"Did you know that there was a convention for X or X happened?" is how most of your conversations go

he'll always smile and let you give him a spark notes version of what happened

will be the one telling you too sleep and that you can continue editing tomorrow

loves when companies send you things for ad reads

hoards all of the items from Dollar Shave Club and Raycon (his absolute favorite sponsor of yours)

he'll occasionally watch your videos while he's cooking or at the gym

always loves learning something new even if its about a failed furry convention

"I liked your latest video" is such a huge compliment from him because he knows how much effort you put into it

he'll occasionally feed you ideas that he sees while he's scrolling through social media

"You should do something on Hat Man" "WHO??" "Yk the guy you see when you take too much Benadryl, apparently Soap sees him too"

ghost - asmr

tbh doesn’t think much about your channel

you’ll just occasionally leave the room to record or crack some slime in front of a camera

however when your channel is mentioned in conversation, he considers revisiting

“have you heard about this asmr thing?” Gaz asked the group and Soap immediately interjected

“OH YEAH some of them are amazing to watch alone,” he said with a wink

“Like this account-“ Soap wasn’t able to finish his sentence before Ghost snatched the phone out of his hand

“Sorry just couldn’t see it” he apologized and he tried to suppress his disgust that someone else was listening to you at night like that

after that, he takes another look and watches a few of your more popular videos

ofc its your series roleplaying as a nurse or doctor taking care of someone

as well as one where you act like a sleepy girlfriend waking up next to their significant other

he will never say that he watches your videos but you do notice the uptick in views and likes (it's a cute little secret of his)

one time you attempted to ask all these questions about being in the military to help you write dialogue for your latest combat medic series

"People seriously want stuff like that?" "You'll be surprised, not tell me what you usually have in your pack"

he will cringe when you pull your asmr voice on him and whisper in your ear

"Cut that shit out."

[rise-my-angel]

Heart of the Great Wolf

58 - One Whirlwind to the Next

Pairing: Jon Snow x F!Baratheon!Reader, Robb Stark x F!Baratheon!Reader (Past)

Length: 20.2k

Warnings: angst/hurt comfort, mental duress, references to cheating/infidelity, past rape and sexual assault, self harming behavior, smut, oral (f receiving), p in v

Notes: Good news the smut drought is over, finally. Previous Chapter Here, Series Masterlist Here

Steady footstep were all which were heard for sometime. The walls around dark as the gentle whistling of wind through the stone walls the only accompanying sound. At least aside from the crackling of fire. One figure against the torch flames stationary along the path. Still so late, or perhaps early being the word more appropriate. Awake for now the betterment of nearing two hours and still your brain went in too many directions to settle.

Having walked Sansa back to her chambers, you found yourself standing alone in the corridor. Hands together as your fingertips toyed with one another trying to consider it all. Eyes wide as you glanced down, you considered someone else you had yet to see upon your return. One which you had only been told about when asking your mother in a moment alone the afternoon previous. It was smart, her idea.

Quick and clever knowing that with who was here, there were few which should never have their paths crossed from what was known. Few knew, but she had moved quickly considering that it was impossible to know what the man would do should he find him so directly. Hidden away, no doubt much to his dismay and you considered that in the early hours you could make your way and few would make notice of it.

A stretch of rooms within the castle that were seldom used but doors locked when not used, none would consider it odd. Arrangements had been made to handle the small details of being in the room for some length of time, but still captivity would it feel like. He may or may not be happy to see you, knowing you were not there to simply tell him he could be free to walk about but this was more important then appeasing someone’s wishes.

Only to make your presence known did you knock gentle on the door, “It’s me.” Slipping in only enough as you unlocked it, did he switch from what looked apprehensive and defensive to a sudden slouch in his shoulders. Moving to where he had gotten up from his bed, sitting horizontal across the way with his back against the wall as you approached.

Looking down to him, it was so question he was playing a game of who would speak first. His expression flat and agitated behind it’s tensity, you did not blame him but you tested the waters of his patience all the same. “Dare I ask how you are fairing?”

Gendry’s response, was precisely what you expected. Dripping in a dryness. “Great. Never better.”

Voice flat as you gently made your way to sit beside him, your feet barley reaching over the side as you let them outstretch, one ankle resting over the other, the lack of dryness by the skirt of your dress’s very edge showcasing how even in such hours you had been outside for some time before now. “You do understand you aren’t being kept here as a prisoner?”

The lack of inflection was indicative of both his irritated state and no doubt, his own amusement. “Of course not, I just can’t leave. Can’t go anywhere. Can’t do anything or interact with anyone except for the two people who bring me food. One of which is your mother. All the freedoms I could ask for.”

Hardly a sigh left you. “There is a difference between being held prisoner, and being hidden away for your own safety.” When he as dryly, asked what, you only raised an eyebrow glancing to him from the side. “Prisoners are revoked their freedom due to the unsafe nature of their presence within a place. You are being kept hidden away so that those same sorts of people, cannot get their hands on you for their own purposes.” His glance met yours as you waited for him to either grasp that or not.

“And Lord Baelish is one of those people?”

You did not hesitate, nor did your voice continue so passively. Dropping down to something much more serious as was the flashing glint behind your eyes. “The gold cloaks did not come looking for you on their own. Joffery had every bastard of Roberts hunted down and slaughtered in Kings Landing.” Only a twitch in his jaw showcased any reaction, not that you blamed him. You scarcely had known how to feel about such information when you learned it. “Who they were and where was not publicly common knowledge. They had to be told names and where to find them.” Gendry only asked if it was him who told Joffery. “He was one of them. He had spies everywhere. He was the reason Lord Stark and myself had found you in the first place. Someone who already knew told Lord Arryn, one of Petyr Baelish’s spies saw, and thus he later knew that you were there, and who you were.”

Shaking his head mostly to himself, you could still sympathize with such a struggle in his mind. The acceptance of being an unknown role in such a game you had no interest in. “What’s a man like him even going to do if he finds out?”

Perhaps that was the worst answer. That you did not quite know. What use he would be, was something only Littlefinger would understand and nor did you think it would be wise to attempt learning it. “For over five years men have been fighting over the Iron Throne. And killing those who get in their way. For all we know, you’re Robert Baratheon’s last living son. The Lannisters would love to see you dead, and Petyr Baelish would sell you to them, walk you himself to your death just for a single chance of gaining some form of power from it. And trust me, your death that time would come far quicker then the last time you were taken prisoner by a royal family.”

From your position, his head dropped as did the weight in his shoulders. Voice it was evident, that was lightened a bit too from the breathlessness of the words. “So, they want to kill me for something I didn’t even know I had something to do with until two years ago.” Answering much more in his fashion, a single word of agreement. His hands wrung together as his forearms hung over his bent knees, your own fingertips begging to dig into the others skin from behind your gloves. “We’re not really people to you, are we? Just a million different ways to get what you want.”

You took no offence personally, nor did you think he intended it towards you as such. Inhaling, your voice steady moreso then his, but not quite as affirmative as he may have needed. “Petyr Baelish doesn’t see anyone as equal to him. Which means not you at the lowest, nor highborns such as myself are people. Not to him. No one here knows who you are. I am attempting to keep it that way, because I’d rather see you alive then in danger known out in the open.”

Sensing his gaze on you more questioningly, you allowed that silence between until he found the correct words in his mind to get it across out loud. “I’m starting to think maybe I should’ve kept my fake name. Make it less obvious I’m here, or that I have anything to do with whatever you highborns are always up to.”

The smirk was small, but it passed over your features. “If you don’t trust highborns, why did you reach out to me?”

On his own, a smirk identically matching fell over his expression. “Couldn’t tell you.” Your brows narrowed in question, but you needed not ask he elaborate. “I was alone, didn’t know where to go, and was too paranoid to stay in one place too long. Everything the way Arya talked about you, you didn’t sound like you were like your father, so I just did it. And spent months after feeling stupid for thinking you’d care.”

Both smirks grew as did your jest. “My apologies for showing up and ruining that neglectful image.”

The quiet was actually, for a while, quite comfortable. Neither needing to fill the air, content just in that night darkness without interruption needlessly. Though, questions no doubt rolled through his head as by the time either spoke again he had breached the subject most obvious between you. “So, what was it like? Out north of the Wall?”

A deep sigh left you, the feeling of uncertainty of much, or nearly all passing through. Neither you nor Jon had spoken much of it, but you did not need too. Speaking such things in a way that made sense, was another issue. Thus, a non answer was your choice of path. “It’s a long story.”

Dismissive as he was sarcastic, your eyes rolled over to his in a glare he knew you didn’t mean. “Best not then. I’m a bit busy.” Both your glare and his amusement held at a stand off until he found a better directional leading question. “Alright, I’ll start over. How are you?” The tone was immense to the degree one would need scale a mountain to see the tops of it’s reach in mocking.

You however, took the path least antagonizing thus far. “Well, I was thrown down a hill in an explosion, kidnapped, travelled in the middle of the night trying to fight for my life to return to Jon, jumped in a freezing river to escape being attacked by the dead, and to top all of that off, I gave birth a little over a week ago.” You could see the dramatic head turn as he asked in clarification that you gave birth. Staring forward towards the small candle lighting the other side of the room in the middle of a table, you felt your eyes blur unfocused. “And I don’t suppose saying I almost bled to death during it makes any of that sound much better, does it?”

Only you could hear the surprise if not confusion in his voice. “I’ve been alone in here a few days, but I haven’t gone mad enough to think you were gone that long.” Shaking your head no, did he lead himself to further conclusions. “Nine moons, meaning you were passed three when you went out there, how did you not know? You didn’t know, right?” Adding onto your silence and you dared not see his face.

“I was only two. I went into labour a full month early.” Asking if you meant out there and you nodded once more but slowly. “We both knew, Jon and I when we left. We had no choice.”

Returning to neither of you saying much, Gendry sighed deeply before finding his voice once more. “And no one else-” Only did you get as far as opening your mouth before closing it again but he caught it. “Who knew and let you go out there? Other then the bloody King in the North apparently.”

He had caught your attempt to speak and hesitation, but he also caught your dragging eyes to the side to glare at him before looking back to the candle at nothing. “Maester Wolkan knew, or, he figured it out. I’m not sure which. Arya knew.” Words were not needed, your smirk to his open mouthed near offence said it all on his end. “Don’t get mad at her, it wasn’t her secret to tell.”

Had Gendry not said it so quickly and so passingly, you might have had the time to feel your heart and stomach lurch forward. “You know you’re the only thing like a sister I’ve ever had, you don’t think knowing you walked up North to your death while pregnant isn’t something someone should’ve told me about?”

If not mercy for yourself but him, you pushed passed the wording as in the moment. “Have you told Arya who you are yet?” His silence once more, was something you read with ease as you tilted your head somewhat to the side as if to put emphasis on your point. “Then why would she know you’d want to know that?”

By the time you dragged your feet to the floor, some time and conversation passed which was much needed for your anxiously riddled mind. You looked back to him as you grasped the door handle. “Why haven’t you told her yet?” Clarifying at his narrowed brows to the question. “Arya. You mean a lot to her, and her you. Why not tell her the truth?”

Honesty was not what you were expecting in a raw fashion, but the manner which he dropped his head to his lap showed it all. “When we met, we thought the other were a couple of no one’s. Low life’s on the road to the Wall but we got along all the same. Then she told me who she was, and I can’t really tell even now if she regrets it.” You didn’t ask, but he still answered with a non meaning shrug of his shoulders. “Suddenly I was the no one and she was a highborn lady. I think part of her misses when neither of us had to worry about that stuff.”

You did not say anything further to ask his side, it was right out in the open. It was something you never had quite been able to understand, the life you had led but you could only say what you did, as someone who knew both parties. “You should trust her more.”

Gendrys brows narrowed, but you didn’t elaborate nor give him the chance to ask, before you left.

Of course as the sun begun to arise, the Stark in question made themselves known. As if there were one which being out so early had an advantage, it was certainly Arya. The degree to which all formality left as she finally spotted you since your arrival back was quite amusing to all who had a chance to notice it. Nearly knocking you over in a hug, forgetting clearly what she knew Jon had told her that you still had other injuries to recover from. The wince in your face as you hugged her followed by a breathless laughter had her come to her senses, backing up properly.

At that point, others doing the same was inevitable and thus your intent to start the day quietly was no longer an achievable goal. Trapped between one conversation and the next, you felt almost on the edge of lightheaded. Barley seeing her turn the corner did you see Maege in the distance, clearly debating with herself if interrupting to save you was better, or if watching you squirm for a little longer was more appealing. No amount of time had changed that she saw you as much a Queen, as she did a friend to endlessly find amusement in watching the suffering of.

Mostly Lords and Ladies whom you had known, jokes that the King in the North was hiding you away all to himself, after having you to himself for months. Only a tiny light within you was amused, the other majority begun to feel trapped. Suffocating as words and people stood all around you. The nerves mostly from so much talk and questions, you had a whirlwind getting through. Certainly in more then one way, but despite that, for once the sudden turns of formal greetings of “Your grace,” had ticked it in your mind that of gratitude.

Jon making his way to your side, pulling you more into him with an arm wrapping around your waist before leading you away saying you were needed elsewhere right now. Slipping it to your lower back he pushed you forward gently and had yet to move it by the time he could speak without listening ears. Muttering low but more rough then you expected so close to your ear as he leaned into you. “I was wondering where you ran off too.”

If he believed you, Jon did not make that known one way or another. “Woke up a bit early. I thought I’d stretch my legs a little, ran into Arya and that was that.” You did catch the deep chuckle, and the proceeding knowledge that he had yet to move far from you. “I was trying to make my way back, I know need to take- “

The hand on your back ran a bit higher up your spine, then back down and again. A repeating but almost soothing manner as was his voice, despite the roughness behind it. “Already brought him to Maester Wolkan, told him to start checking up on how the baby is doing while I came and found you.” Your eyes flickered somewhat to him, but not committing to the point you could properly see his face. “I told you, I’m making sure you’re alright too. You went through more then you should’ve had to out there.”

If Jon also saw the harsh swallow in your throat, he too, said nothing about it. Arguing to yourself, you were simply matching his low tone, and it was not in fact nerves which strained your own words coming out to the air. “He said I was fine when we first arrived. I’m sure I don’t need to take up his time-”

Cutting you off, Jon was not angry but there was a firmness in the manner which he spoke it. “Your well being isn’t a waste of time.” He hadn’t stopped you both walking, and thus the hesitation had to be in your words not your stance, thinking if you stop in place, did he’d merely tug you back along with him like you were a child. But when you protested that wasn’t what you said, he dug deeper. “It’s what you meant.”

You weren’t really sure what you were expected to say, it was true but Jon wasn’t supposed to pick up on it. The thought came before you could shove it ill from your stomach, that perhaps he only picked up on it, because he wasn’t actually at ease yet. If he just let you- if he had simply done it and let you get over any pain, he’d be more relaxed by now. But he wasn’t. Marred in a thick insecurity you were desperate to hide away, you attempted to steer him from the tense discussion brewing. “There isn’t much more he can do, then what you’re already telling me to do.”

Quick Jon was that morning it seemed. “Darling, if you were resting like you’re supposed to, you wouldn’t have run off in the night for nearly three hours and not come back.” Your heart skipped a beat, you had no idea he had actually noticed.

“Did the baby wake-”

Shutting down the out you were trying to serve him, Jon let the hand on your back drift back down to your waist before gripping a bit tighter, matching the edge in his words as well. “The baby was asleep the whole time. I know you left, because I sensed you weren’t beside me. I woke up and had no idea where you were.” Waiting but a moment passing to add, “You should’ve woken me up if you were having trouble sleeping.”

The flatness in you could’ve been mistaken for a time not anything was wrong around you both, the dry slight raise of your eyebrow towards him. “Waking up somebody else, because I cannot sleep does not seem reasonable.”

You truly had not at all seen coming what Jon had to say next. Your breath nearly ceasing to function temporarily as did your heart. “Neither is tricking me into making you do something against your will, because you think it’ll please me.”

Eyes tearing themselves up and to the side to look at Jon, but his eyes were not his voice. The greys wide and gentle as he only nodded for you to the door you had not realized you both had reached by that point. His lack of words after only made you feel on edge beyond what you had even previously understood what you felt. The anxieties rippling through your blood evident as you stepped into Wolkans study, almost catching the Maester off guard by your demeanour.

“Your Grace.” As if in a brief daze you hadn’t even registered he was speaking to you, and not Jon considering the later had only left the study to find you.

A tear came through that you were hoping the early hours of the morning still could cover up the feeling inside of you growing as deeply upset as it was dark and festering. “Is he alright?” Coming right up to where he had little Eddard laid out, limbs begun to wave and kick briefly as the baby happily reached out to you. The laugh leaving you was as breathless as before but much more genuine. “Now, now, behave for Maester Wolkan. He’s making sure you’re in proper form.”

A hand reaching to yours, only a finger he was barley able to hold onto, but it seemed enough to direct his focus to calm down as Wolkan begun to elaborate. The sudden feeling of Jons hand pressing against your back, followed by his warmth indicated he had no problem coming up close to you still. But for once, you had no idea in what context did his normally comforting touch meant this time.

“I can safely assure both of you that any immediate risk he could have found himself in has passed. By the new moon I expect he will be caught right up in the growth a normal infant his age should be.” Your eyes had yet to look away from the baby, whose eyes now swapped between all three adults hovering by him. “You two have done a fine job.”

If it was said or meant as a jest, you did not hear it nor take it that way as it left murmuring beside your ear from Jons lips. “She’s the one whose done all the work, believe me.”

He had taken you off guard earlier, and now it had been your turn for him. It came out short, and almost dismissively angry the way you hardly turned to look at him as it hissed out. “Jon.” You could only feel the frustration that he would so easily put the credit onto you, when for the first few hours of his life, all he had to protect him was Jon alone.

You saw neither of the mens reactions. Wolkan had taken a moment to clear his throat, you still oblivious to the tension you had put forth in the room. “Regardless, continue caring for him as you are, and we will soon scarcely be able to remember we were worried about him health at all.” Looking in a gesture to Jon towards the baby, “Would you be alright with him while we examine the Queen here?”

Just as Jon easily confirmed he would, you had looked up to Wolkan with a hesitation. “Is this really necessary-”

“Yes.”

Wolkan it seemed, took Jons answer as the correct one and gently guided you to a different side room, “Let’s start with the easy ones.” First your visible injuries, then the more subtle ones, and finishing off with the remainder as questions flew through you head. Jon had not invaded the space, you could somewhat see peeks of him holding the baby, talking quietly and sweetly at him like he was born for all of this.

Laying there, your mind hoping you’d be able to come up with something to defend yourself with against whatever it was you did last night to make him mad. When everything you did was for such an opposite reaction. By trying to please him, you somehow made him even more mad at you. But, did ever really doing things of your own idea make it any easier when it was Ramsay trying to teach you those lessons?

No, no it was not any better. The less you fought Ramsay back, the less violent his subsequent punishments would be. Perhaps you thought to yourself, you needed to actually remember that lesson for once. Listen to what Jon was mad about, agree and do whatever he wanted to salvage the problem and you could pretend for one more day that the darkness in your head wasn’t consuming you with what you struggled to see, were lies.

You had not a clue what it was Jon spoke to Wolkan about alone once it was all said and done, but only that you wait outside the room for him while he talked to the Maester in private. Hovering by the opposite wall, you seemed to rock little Eddard in your arm as if the motion would soothe your anxiety instead of calm his already comfortable state.

But when he emerged, he said nothing of what they spoke of, or of what he had said before you both walked inside. Leading you down the hall, he kept you close once more to his side. “You can say no, but I’d like for you to join me downstairs to eat this morning.” He breezed passed your pause, lips parted as if to say something unsure but nothing had come out. “Most of them have met the baby by now, and the rest know not to hound you like earlier.”

He wanted you with him to eat? Publicly? That dark fog told you that you did not understand it, and it was so painfully easy to listen to it. But you nodded your head, adjusting your hold on the baby as if to fidget. Your voice little more then a mutter for Jons ears only. “That depends, will eating upstairs stop you from watching my progress at meals more then Maege and my mother?” Jon hummed a laugh in your ear, so warm his breath against your skin as he said no. Your mutter that time a little more playfully dry. “Then downstairs it is, I suppose.”

Sometimes you truly felt so out of place. Coming into the main hall things set out, and it was almost strange. Seeing so many people around it naturally as if it were the busy mornings in Winterfell in such easy, innocent times. Faces were different and some were older and changed, but there was an energy around the table that at the very least, had settled in a little. Luckily, your morose attitude was briefly lifted almost soon as you walked in.

Arya near the edge of one side of the long table, Meera opposite her on the other and by the end where normally nothing stood, sat Bran. Glancing down to it, your smile went from non existent to something bright as you looked at him. “What’s this?”

A smile so boyish came over Brans face, one looking as if he had not worn it in too long. Gesturing down, “Do you like it?” Explaining as Jon guided you over, nudging you to one side where he’d sit beside you. “Maester Wolkan had it made, said he had known others who couldn’t walk anymore so he had the instructions all prepared.”

Still you felt Jons hand on your back as you slowly sat down, shifting the baby in your arms without moving to any food. Once Jon sat, he wasted not a moment doing it for both of you. Meera looked to Bran and then you, a brightness a little more returned to her own face thankfully. “It has wheels, so all he needs is someone to push. It’s a lot easier then having to pull him around everyday, all that weight.”

Bran instantly screwing his face up in protest, “I’m not that heavy-”

Meera didn’t hesitate to interrupt him saying he was. With Arya piping up and little hesitation to join their banter. “If you could stand on two feet, you’d be taller then both of us. You’re heavy.”

The three teenagers all seemed to get along in the days since you all had returned. It was some consolation, that through the horror, perhaps not all of a childhood was stolen just yet. As Jon murmured your name, as soon as your eyes met his grey ones he nodded to the food he put in front of you. Before you could say anything, Bran spoke up easily. “Do you want us to hold him for now? Give you a chance to eat properly?”

Arya jumped at the opportunity before you had really said yes. “I get him first, I’m the only one here who hasn’t met my nephew yet.” As a small laugh left you, a brighter smile watching from Jon grew more as he watched you ensure Arya was holding him properly. Looking down at him in her arms, he once more was calm as if all he needed was to be around Starks to be happy. Arya’s smile was as wide and childlike as you suspect she’d had since you were together in Kings Landing. “Look at you. I’m Jons sister, Arya. Don’t worry, I’m going to be your favourite.”

Bran argued he’s known him for the whole time he’s been born, starting a trading of jokes between the three of them. Your attention finally back down to the food Jon put in front of you. You had not said it, but you suspected he had chosen what to put on your plate specifically instead of letting you pick at whatever you’d find on occasion.

You hated that the thought came right to you the moment you took your first bite. That you weren’t getting any smaller eating like this. But, you said nothing. Not to yourself on the matter but also not to anyone out loud, no matter how often the present company directed the conversation into matters you could easily jump in on. You simply ate quietly, and let them all enjoy the morning.

For now, things were easy. People had to get settled in, and much had to be done to bring Jon up to speed and he had much work atop that to tackle before anyone did anything. Still to the people you and the baby had not been brought out from the main halls of the castle in any way, Jons insistence that you are properly healed first, despite you not really understanding why he cared about that.

None of your injuries would be visible to the people by now under your clothes. But why Jon cared, you didn’t grasp still. A lot you didn’t grasp, some days were foggier then others but Jon had not yet brought up what he had said in the corridor the other day. And you didn’t know if that meant he was still mad at you, despite you not really understanding what you did to make him mad in the first place.

The thing was, Jon knew you didn’t understand. For more then one reason. His discussion with Maester Wolkan had been quite eye opening, even on top of what Yara had described. Jon had first tried to talk around certain things, bringing up your general mood and your ability to bond with the baby. Luckily both coming to the conclusion that the later was not a problem, considering the manner which Wolkan had huffed out a laugh as Jon described, “She doesn’t even want the wet nurse anywhere near him.”

But he seemed to understand what Jon wasn’t saying. How the biggest sign Jon knew something was wrong was not one he was so easily comfortable with describing, as he dodged the leading questions to answer it in a different way. Being back in Winterfell was helping, being around people who could help you was aiding in your mood and day by day thus far you had looked with a little more life in your eyes but you still struggled to sleep, and you also still struggled with eating. Moreso then ever before.

Jon knew you understood you had to eat, because you were feeding the baby from your own breast. Your health was important to his health and development, but were if not for that Jon guessed you would hardly be ending the day with a full meal in you. If nothing else, Jon was grateful that when Wolkan asked if Jon ever feared you were unstable around the baby, it was a firm no, and Wolkan too, seemed relieved.

But then there was little left to say, other then what Jon hadn’t been comfortable yet bringing up. Thus, Wolkan took the plunge and asked the most direct leading question he could provide if not asking outright. “And how would you say she is, when with you? In your time alone together, does she seem to struggle then?”

Jaw clenched, he had crossed his arms over his chest as if containing the increase beating of his heart from bursting out with the same nerves. It also, simply hurt a significant amount to say out loud. “She’s the worst when she’s alone with me.” Wolkan nodded, but said nothing, only indicating he was listening intently for Jon to continue. Sighing deeply, Jon paced along the room suddenly unable to stand in one spot as he attempted to conjure up the correct way to phrase it. “She-”

Running a hand over his mouth, the awkward agitation was noticeable, Jon knew. Once more, Maester Wolkan prompted him without judgment. “A question a tad on the personal side, your Grace, but may I inquire as to if these issues are intimate in nature?” Jon hesitated, but nodded. Giving Wolkan the direction he needed to start putting the final idea together. “I would not ask for more information to put you at unease, but a bit more of a description of the behaviour you’ve noticed would go a long manner.”

Jon did not want to go into this, but in truth, it was the clearest indicator he had of a much bigger problem going on inside your head. How other men so easily went into detail about their escapades with women, Jon had no idea. But by the time he relayed what had occurred, there was no longer a point of hiding away his thoughts on the matter. “It felt like she wanted me to not give her a choice. Like she didn’t understand why I wouldn’t..” The lurch in his stomach felt sickening, but his voice was gruff pushing through it. “Why I wouldn’t force myself on her.”

Wolkan was rather silent, but Jon could see deep thought swirling behind his eyes. “Has she exhibited this sort of inclination before?”

Nodding, Jon returned to pacing as his eyes briefly closed as he shook his head almost to himself. “At the very start, but it was never this bad. For some reason she’s convinced if she’s not letting me just use her like a whore, then I’ll find someone else.” The idea was so vastly uncomfortable to him, that Jon had been shocked the feeling didn't bleed out into the room and reach you waiting for him in the hall out the door.

Taking a seat at his desk, he prompted Jon to follow suit. Taking a moment, as the man already begun to speak before Jon did, sitting across from him. “I suspect there are a few factors at play here. Though, I do not think I need elaborate much on one of the likely most difficult influences here.” If Jon wasn’t so on edge with worry, he’d feel that rage all over again. The man was dead so long there would be nothing let of him but bones and still he haunted over you like a phantom. But Wolkan wasn’t done. “I fear, Ramsay Bolton’s influence is being mixed abhorrently with a rather harmful mindset I have seen in countless new mothers. The fear that now their only use is to breed sons for their husbands, and thus he will move on to younger and prettier prospects to bed instead. Some women's fears come true, and I also would count on the fact that she likely has seen that occur more often then not. Leading her to believe she is foolish for thinking she would be the exception.”

Jon didn’t need the final conclusion spelled out for him, he got it perfectly fine. He scarcely felt his heart tear away at him quite that way. The wide, bright look in his eyes emphasized by the fact that the greys in them were painted over with something as devastated as he was lost. The realization that this sickness in your head had convinced you that all of the horrible things people taught you were true. That the only way you knew to make Jon happy, was to try and get him to treat you the way you knew Ramsay had enjoyed treating you.

But the thing was, you had not a clue what this had done on the opposite end. And he hated himself for not picking up on it that night. You were genuinely enjoying yourself enough that when you begun to lie and pretend, Jon was fooled. Were he to have not put his foot down, you’d have put yourself in pain just to let him fuck you, because you had begun thinking he’d find it elsewhere if you didn’t give yourself over to him for too long.

So instead, you promised him you wanted to take him in your mouth, and tricked him into forcing you past your limits that night and pretended you wanted it for his sake. You just did what you thought he wanted not to risk him being mad at you or tossing you aside.

You didn’t know it, but the reason the past days Jon had not let you come close to anything remotely sexual in nature, was partially for your well being, and another part because you hadn’t realized, you had essentially turned Jon into her. Into Ygritte.

Pushing yourself passed your limits, your needs, what you felt safe doing, just to please him as to not set off a worse or volatile reaction against you. She thought Jon was willing when he forced himself to do the same, and now you were doing it to Jon thinking he wanted things just as Ramsay had.

Truthfully, Jon had no idea how you hadn’t woken up these past nights at how tightly he held you after you fell asleep. Trying to almost convey to himself and you in your most vulnerable state, that you two were more then that, that he was there to protect you not use you. Wolkan had given him advice on what to do, but Jon had yet to tackle the what to say. He needed to address this to you directly, he couldn’t let this fester between any longer.

But by seeing yourself as little more then a pleasure toy for him, you had accidentally put Jon in the exact position he was scared he had done after your very first night together. That he had forced you with him thinking you wanted it when you didn’t. That time, he was mistaken about it. This time, he wasn’t, but you had tricked him into it thinking it would make him happy.

With everything Jon had piling up getting in the way of being able to just take care of you, he had not expected it.

Jon had only just been left alone one afternoon in the meeting hall. Back leaned up against the main table, his hand running over his face with a deep sigh from what felt like the fifth meeting he had that day alone. The room having just emptied out as he remained to collect his thoughts before simply jumping into another.

The sound from the other side of the room indicated the door had been opened, just as quiet footsteps filled the echo of the empty space. Whatever it was, Jon had waited for them to speak first but the voice had sounded distant even beyond the meters between each of them. As if they hadn’t known what to say, and it only came off as stilted. “When you left for the Nights Watch, I never quite thought this was how we’d all see you back here again.”

As it turned out, she looked as distant as she sounded. It appeared that the gap between them was as if Sansa stood alone by the door refusing to come closer. Her face even harder to read, two of his younger siblings had been so easy to reunite with. Yet the look on hers now was as if she did not know what sort of reunion she wanted to have either. “I didn’t know I was coming back.”

The silence was distinct, and Jon finally realized how Arya must have felt. In another life, they’d be happy to see each other again. But Jon only stood straighter without moving, as Sansa barley stepped further into the main hall closer to where he was. What was the use of pretending this was a reunion when they both knew thus far Jon had been the one she was avoiding the most. Inhaling almost in preparation for whatever this was going to be, Jon attempted to mend the bridge before they both acknowledged how broken it already was. “Sansa-”

She however, came with questions quicker then what she once used to speak up like. “How did they let you leave?” Her eyes barley shifted, nor did she move much. Frozen in place like a statue that Jon hardly recognized. Dressed in clothes and cloaks dark and almost as if wanting to appear intimidating as opposed to the naive girl she left home as.

“It’s complicated.” What could he even say to her? How he was elected Lord Commander, what came of it, going after you, death, returning to life and everything since then to now? That was not a story most knew even close to him but you in full. It was only a joke, something to ease the heavy tension between them but he suspected Sansa had not taken it well once he said it. “Harder to execute me for desertion now that I’m a King, probably.”

For only a moment did her eyes flicker to the side with something a little more tight and on the edge of frustrated, but had covered it up with a half baked smile when she looked back. He too, was not sure if it was meant as a joke what she said. “So you can get away with whatever you want?”

In truth, it was difficult to see the joke in there the way he could’ve easily detected it were that to come out of Arya’s mouth. “There’s a difference between a King and a tyrant, Sansa.”

A tilt of her head came as she once more, said it both passingly and yet with a weight he had no idea what the intention was behind the words. “Joffery was a King, and he always did whatever he wanted no matter what it was.”

Her face was still and yet slipped into something taken back as Jons expression turned to a much quicker offence as his tone dropped. Pushing from the table more a step towards her but she didn’t move or blink as he slightly rose his voice. “Do you think I’m Joffery?”

The lightness in her face was only meant for her, an amusement in her thoughts Jon was not privy too whatsoever, only adding to the tension. “No. You’re probably as far from Joffery then anyone I’ve ever met.” He’d say thank you, if he could yet figure out what this was. And her next question only served to add to that doubt.

“Will you start wearing a crown?” If his little sister was trying to come off as patronizing, it was working. Asking shortly why he’d do that, she almost gave what looked like a shrug. “I thought Kings wore crowns.”

If Jon took the time to consider the manner which she phrased that, he may decide he would not like what conclusion he came too, so he moved passed it with something hopefully a little less stilted. “Robb was King for longer then I’ve been, if he never wore a crown then I don’t see why I would.” Or maybe, Jon realized what should’ve been an easier subject if moving towards others in their family would’ve gone over better had it been anyone but Robb. As a look came over her eyes that seemed a but more unreadable and more on the edge of unpleasant then he’d expect from her and once more attempted a different direction, as your name came from his lips in a more fondly amused manner. “Not sure if she’d appreciate having to start wearing a crown anyways.”

There was where he spotted it. A little light in her eyes as he brought you up. Jon didn’t even know how much she’d remember just how attached to your side she was when she was a very young girl. Something warm came over him, the relief that even in such a small way, there was still somewhere in there, the sister Jon remembered. Instead of this near stranger he didn’t know how to talk to.

Looking away for a moment, Jon’s eyes drifted down enough to see as she wrung her hands together only as long as it took for her to return to the present with a much more reserved state again. “When did you two marry?” Answering two months before you got pregnant. Sansa thought for a long moment. “So you were King for months before you married. Why wait?”

His voice low and a bit rough, he dared not step on your toes from your own hurt prior. “I didn’t care about rushing into anything, we took our time.”

Now it felt as if she was digging at him for something he wasn’t quite catching, her tone a little more short as if pretending she wasn’t offended by something. “If she was Queen for years beforehand, what’s the point in waiting to marry her? Why not do it right away and seal that power for you then?”

No, he thought to himself. Don’t consider that she is implying what he seemed to suspect she was implying. Instead he took another step towards her with a much more stern tone that time. He didn’t even address the second part of her question. “She’d been through a lot. I wasn’t going to rush her into something just because I wanted it.”

Sansa was far to quick, and bordering too close on accusatory. “So you wanted to marry her in general.” It wasn’t even a question, nothing curious was there except for an agenda he did not appreciate. Only affirming that of course he did, but Sansa did not seem to find that answer either convincing or satisfactory. Her tone that like a question but dripping with a lecture. “Isn’t it standard practice historically, that a King and Queen marry and have a child right away to ensure the King’s blood line with an heir?”

It was, but not this time. Jons silence was as difficult for her to read as her doubt for him. There was something she was not saying that was being attempted to dig into, but Jon was not in the mood to handle it here and now. “We had a child together because we wanted to.”

“So she wanted to get pregnant?”

The last person he wanted to feel this rising anger towards was his little sister, but Sansa had not a clue what a line she was trying to cross here. Not with you, not now of all times. His voice was noticeably rougher then it was before and both were beginning to realize he was not hiding that rising anger. “I thought you said I wasn’t Joffery.”

Oh the swiftness of what she said only made Jon that much more tense. “You aren’t. I wasn’t here, I’m only asking questions. The last time I saw you, you left to join the Nights Watch and she was married to Robb.” Jon let her deal with the quiet air, he had nothing to say to that or whatever which was hidden in something like that. Or whomever those thoughts actually came from. “You named him after father.”

A hint of a smile appeared in his eyes. “I did.”

If for just a moment, did finally a crack appear as something soft came over her too. “I- could I see him?”

That he would never deny. No matter what he and her had to sort out, little Eddard was her nephew. The last thing he’d want was to deny any of his family from being in his sons life. Nodding as your name was voiced out Jon explained, “She’s in my chambers with him resting right now, but anytime this evening. I’m sure she’ll be thrilled to see you no matter what.”

There it was, the bright shine ever so briefly of a what was once just a little girl who looked to you like the big sister she’d always wanted. Nodding, she opened her mouth only to close it as she looked down in thought, coming back to say something now she knew was out of left field. “You didn’t take the Lord’s chambers for yourself?”

Raising an eyebrow, Jon didn’t quite see any thought process behind that. “No. It didn’t even occur to me. I don’t need a fancy room just because I’m King, that wasn’t why I took back Winterfell.” No, he had done it so what remained of his family could have a home again, but he did not know why Sansa still did not seem to grasp that included her. “If you want it, you should take it.”

Jon had a feeling he’d have to have a word with Arya about Sansa taking it, knowing letting her have their fathers chambers would be a bit of a contentious choice, but he’d have given it to Arya if she said she had wanted it first. That and he was sure that Bran still quite liked his chambers, alone up at the top of the stairs. She didn’t quite say anything further, but she nodded and begun to leave the way she came.

Calling out to her once more, something much more full and genuine came through the quieter tone which followed. “Sansa, I’m happy you came home. We’re family, all of us. We need to stick together. Protect each other. Now more then ever.”

What she’d take from that, was up to her. But once more she nodded before Jon was alone in the hall again. A pressing question remained however, how much of what she had said was of her own conclusions and how much had been the words of Littlefinger in her ear for years now? Whatever he promised her had led her to return home strained towards Jon more then she’d ever been.

The fact that Jon couldn’t even be the one bringing up Robb to her, stung something inside him. The last thing he wanted was for his brothers memory to be something tainted to her because of what Littlefinger had said and done.

Which was something Littlefinger was rather good at that. Slinking between one to another with the hopes he could wound himself around their heads until they were twisted to his will one way or another. The Starks were a target he had been looking towards a very long time. Since the day you suspected, it was arranged that a young and beautiful Catelyn Tully was to be wed to Brandon Stark. It had begun then and never ceased, only he sought to drag those around each wolf he encountered with him.

Never had he failed to make his attempts to each new wolf within his passing. You had scarcely emerged to the world since arriving back in Winterfell, and you expected that the image painted for him was that you were too weak, too ill to know of his presence, if only not caring. For a man with so many eyes around the realm watching for him, he did not quite realize the blatant ones both right in front of him, nor boring into his back.

“I’ve heard much about you, more then you might think.” The knowing in his voice always dripping in something condescending. He had approached him while he was alone, taking advantage of the quiet he sat in to spin his tales and lies.

Bran however, was not the foolish boy Petyr Baelish likely thought he must be. Even though as his brows narrowed in a doubtful confusion, you read it perfectly fine. “Strange, I haven’t heard anything about you.”

You could hear the smile on his face. “Not so strange. I am a man of business, not adventure like yourself.” Repeating the word adventure in a question, Littlefinger came forward more with a hand outstretched in question asking for permission to sit. Doing so as he continued, now sitting across the table Bran had been working away at. “I imagine you have many adventures, my lord. For years the realm thought you were dead. Being on the run in such trying times in your condition must be a fascinating sort of challenge.”

Bran however, did not take it the same way he had as a boy of ten insecure and heartbroken by his new change in life. “If by condition you mean I’ve lost the use of my legs, then yes. But we ran away all the same, just slower.”

For a moment, you nearly invaded your own plan. The moment Littlefinger spoke you felt something in your heart you were certain little Eddard could feel through the soft layers between you as he stayed held against your front. “You fled the Greyjoys with your younger brother. Rickon, was it?”

The image still was something you felt ill recalling. The utter horror of watching how close Jon had gotten, how he could almost reach out to grab his hand and pull him up to safety before Ramsay stopped toying with them both. An arrow slamming right into him from behind as he collapsed on the spot in front of Jons horse. The way in which Jon was frozen for a moment before you had felt that call to command knowing Jon was going to need men at arms beside him faster then they could run to him first.

The way Benjen spoke about it, made it seem as if he knew the story. It only made sense, if he knew because of Bran, since Bran it seemed was the one who knew about Euron. Jon wouldn’t let you wander outside in the cold until you were considered in full health by Maester Wolkan, but you knew the moment you could, you will learn a lot of why he knows these things.

But now, he did not play any role beside young, traumatized, angry teenage boy. “I did. But we got...separated.” The audacity of the man before him to say that at least his killer was brought to justice, and Bran felt the same as you. “Do you really think that the person who killed someone you love, being dead, makes that feel any better?”

“Not exactly, but vengeance is a powerful motivator.”

The air sat silent for nearly five painfully long seconds before Bran muttered out more roughly, “My brother is still dead, and so is the man who killed him. What vengeance?”

Littlefinger seemed to find something amusing, but you stood in silence doubting what it really was he picked up on. Bran asking him what, he seemed to silently agree. Littlefinger played the charm as much as he could, “It is merely interesting this is how we meet, considering where we started.” When Bran spoke none, he continued. “It is simply strange that I finally meet the boy I heard so much about, only after the ones who I heard of you through are gone. Life has unique ways of bringing people together.”

Looking him over closer, Bran narrowed his eyes but little more then a the sound of the very start of a word had been cut off. “Is that why you’re here, Lord Baelish? You simply enjoy bringing people together?” The man stood abruptly, a bow as if nothing was wrong.

“You’re grace.”

You didn’t blink, watching with sharp eyes tinged in a distinct lack of trust. “How about you walk with me, leave Brandon here to his work?” Looking to you now with Littlefinger’s back to him he gave a single nod, small and slow with eyes wider speaking of something the man between had no idea was being communicated.

The smile was fake, but he knew you didn’t buy it regardless. “I couldn’t very well refuse a royal escort.”

Raising your eyebrows, you merely stated rather flatly. “You could. But we both know you won’t.” That was far closer to the truth, you were certain a myriad of things were flowing through his mind as you motioned for him to follow you first. Looking behind, you knew he seemed surprised no guards had accompanied you, but certainly you thought, he knew better. Or he should know better. His threats were not such physical ones and you both were too aware.

Quickly eyes glanced down to the small bundle hidden away in your arms and you could practically write word for word what he could possibly say to start off as formally polite as he knew you didn’t care about. “A beautiful boy, your Grace.” Only a thank you dry and short, you walked slowly through the corridor down a stretch of hall you knew to have few currently around in, forcing him to keep up any conversation. “Have you revealed him to the court yet?” Once more, your answer was short, only the word no and the ensuing awkwardness forced him to be at the verbal disadvantage. “Any plans on doing so soon?”

“When the King decides it is appropriate.”

Stretching thin what small talk he could engage in before you left him with nothing but what you approached for initially, he once more filled the air with a tone akin to questioning as if unsure as to the purpose of your lack of reciprocation. “And how does the King in the North deem it appropriate when to reveal his newborn Prince to his people?”

He no doubt caught the small smirk adorning one side of your mouth for merely a moment. “I’m not sure, my lord. I am not the King, therefore I do not know what a Kings criteria for such an event would be. Why do you ask, plans on staying long enough to attend are you?”

Should you have looked his way, the curious gaze he had begun directing towards you would’ve elicited a much less subtle knowing smirk. He was not a clever as he once was, not here and now. “I aided the Lady Sansa in getting here safely, I felt it only fair to her that I stay here a while and ensure she settles in comfortably.”

Eyes looking nowhere but forward, your tone dry did you let it come into the world more mocking towards him then not. “This was her home for thirteen years. I presume she will settle in just fine without you.” Asking you if this was your way of suggesting he leave, you turned your head just enough to indicate a shift in your demeanour, as your tone dropped. “I am asking why you’re here, why you felt you had the right to come here after everything you’ve done.”

Littlefinger had always spoken to you a bit like you were a child, and now was no different. “We have had our disagreements, your Grace, but I’ve only ever done what the crown I serve bids me. I never set out to hurt your family, I assure you. As I did your husband the other day, though he seemed no more willing to trust in me then you are.”

Your hum was as close to a laugh as one could possibly create. “I cannot possibly imagine why that may be.” Whatever he said, you cut him off as you turned in place to look up at him. Eyes narrowed as the rest of your expression was tense matching the degree in your voice. “I don’t know if you think I am forgetful, Lord Baelish. Or foolish, even perhaps just an idiot. Tell me, in which possible world is there a chance I put even an ounce of trust within you after you broke the last one.”

Neither of you said or asked for details, he would not want you to elaborate as much as you would gladly. “In matters of life and loyalty, your Grace, I simply chose the path which allowed me to keep my head.”

But the way neither of you said it, neither of you also said whom you had referred to. “Yes, you did. Just as you watched Joffery take Lord Starks for a crime we both know he did not commit.”

That smile, truly you hated it from the first moment you met this wretched man. “My trust was not going to be enough to spare you nor Ned Stark’s life, but it has spared his daughters. Sansa would have been tried for murder had I not gotten her out of the capitol.”

Not seconds had passed when you said it, but the process which got you there was not as quick or simple. It was a difficult place. Cersei no doubt would have executed her for murder, thus she was not safe in Kings Landing. So indeed, he had saved her life, but then hid her away for years under his sole protection when you knew too well what those results could create. “And for that you have my gratitude. Truly, Jon and I both. But one good deed does not wash out the bad. Nor a bad, the good.”

Glimmering a flash in his own eyes, there it sat. His words were drenched in an irony which his eyes gave the secret away. “Surrounded by Starks, one could forgive not remembering right away that you are no doubt, Stannis Baratheon’s daughter.”

Does that alarm you, Lord Baelish? Does that remind you that you are not safe and protected by your spies and power and brothels of Kings Landing? He was a mockingbird, and you a nonthreatening doe, but he had walked into the den of wolves. He lacked every understanding that he was not safe here, but his greed and lust for power blinded him.

But, still, you dangled him over an edge he was not yet made aware of. Let him think he still had a modicum of control. “And yet you watched the Starks father lose his head in Kings Landing. I thank you for delivering Sansa home safe, and for arranging the bones of Ned Stark to be returned here as well. But that does not make you a guest here, it does not make you welcome.”

Were your son not with you, you may have had a very different reaction. “Here I thought certain tragedies would have made yourself more sensitive to honouring guest rights.”

The world grew dark as a lightheaded feeling kicked in, your heart screaming at you in a pain you refused to recall on top of the rest haunting you of now. If Littlefinger was not the smartest man here, the tightness in your airless lungs told a story that he was still certainly one of the cruellest. He had never even met Robb. He had no right.

Your slow shift to an upset shock said plenty it seemed, a bow as he looked towards the door to the courtyard you led him to. “Your Grace.” And out he went back to whatever hole he had crawled up from this time. Looking down to your son, you felt a breath finding its way inside. Lungs inflating once more as his large, bright eyes shined up at you now that he had awoken. One hand moved, running over the top of his head, distracting yourself you wished, with the thought of when his hair no doubt was to grow identical to Jons black, thick curls.

The man was here and you all had to deal with it, but he had no right digging up the remains of a love you were taken from. Not when you were terrified that you were soon to watch the one intense and present before you, break apart on it’s very own.

Failing Robb and driving away Jon. It felt as if Littlefinger knew right where to twist a knife to attack the agony in both. One already lost and the other crumbling before you from your own worthlessness.

But you had known you were to protect the Starks from him. But you were not a Stark in any manner of real. Your well being in protecting them against him, was not to be taken into consideration. You would protect the girls, Bran, Jon and your son, but you stood alone. Looking down to the precious bundle so new to the world, and hoped whatever cost you were paying to do so was worth it in their eyes.

Littlefinger mentioned the past of Robb once, and you stood there, feeling yourself spiral so fast from it, even the present was not safe from your destruction. But you couldn’t focus on that. Not tonight at least.

You had to pull yourself together before the moon fell over the sky.

It was a strange moment of something feeling of so genuine and true as you both sat by the edge of the bed. The baby finally sleeping soundly after another new face to meet, leaving you to look over what it was Sansa had brought. She had gone over the details of all them, and thus far each and every small article of clothing had something unique to it. “I can always make more when he starts growing, he’ll still be small for a while so it’ll be easy.”

Looking at them one by one, it was clear she had put time and care into it. Had made clothes herself for her new nephew despite such a difficult place she stood within her home as. But there was something so much more natural in her ways as she merely sat with you explaining each one with a pride and an excitement you’d last seen before she first left these walls.

For the third eldest of her family, she was so far the most nervous to hold him. Hardly moved as she never risked carrying him in a careless way. But she took to him well, spoke gentle with almost a teasing laugh on her tongue as he got used to her, and by the time his eyes were in need of proper sleep, helped ease him down into his new bed before you secured him for the night. For a little while, she was just a girl in your presence, nothing more or less complicated.

“Don’t feel obligated too. The way my mother has spoken, it sounds like there is a fair plenty of people all around who have things they’d like to gift.” Your own wider look of exasperation made her laugh lightly, if not just at you alone, which you could accept. Asking gently when she had begun staying here, you knew it was merely an attempt to pry for information in curiosity, but that perhaps she struggled to come off as such anymore. “A little while before we left for Dragonstone. I’m the only daughter she has left, and we never had a strong relationship before. She decided she wanted to start trying to mend that now.”

Commenting that she seemed much like you, you only rose your eyebrows for a moment in dramatic fashion. “You must not have met most of my fathers side of the my family. In comparison to them, I have nearly nothing in common with my mother. Or my father in some respects.”

You felt her watching you, but allowed any questions to form at her own pace. “You had been out there the entire time you were pregnant?” A slow, single nod was all which you gave, making her face scrunch up in something unpleasant for a moment. The disapproval now much more distinct as she spoke. “I don’t understand, how could he bring you out there for so long if you were pregnant? Anything could have happened to you.”

Eyes softening a little, your head tilted as you met hers. “We both did what we had to do. Jon of all people didn’t want me out there, but there was no choice.” A feeling brewing within told you that there was something she was not saying, nor did you quite catch it when she asked you something strange and yet out of nowhere.

“How quickly did Jon want to marry you?” Your head jolted back, something blatantly confused washing over it. “From what you told me, everything around here happened so fast. I’m assuming when he became King, marrying a highborn wasn’t a big problem. Did he want to right away and everything else just got in the way of it happening?”

You honestly had not a clue where that came from, nor what she was even implying. Truth be told, you had not picked up there was anything to be implied quite then. If you looked back far enough though, not much time had truly passed when the subject was first broached even in teasing terms.

The night before the battle against Ramsay’s forces, Jon had found himself standing behind you, a hand covering your scar over your clothes asking for the first time about the son you lost. The manner the more you spoke, the easier it became. And how when you had amusingly eluded to the fact that Robb had suggested naming your second son together after Jon, he had turned you to face him. Crowding you with bright teasing eyes and a confidence you hadn’t seen on him in such a way ever before.

“Well, when we get to our second boy, we’re sure as hell not naming him Jon.”

You knew had you found yourself with child from the throes of a desperate passion the night you brought him back, what he would have done. Based on timing alone, likely you’d have been on Bear Island by the time you would find out, and you knew Jon would have organized it then and there. Bring you to the heart tree on the island and marry you then, ensure his child never had the risk of life he had grown up enduring.

If you asked her, Maege no doubt would say she wished it had worked out that way. From what you had met of her other daughters, Alysane in particular would likely have given you grief in teasing for worrying about that sort of thing at all. Maege had five daughters all recognized from birth as Mormonts, and she had never been married. Alysane had two currently, and she too had never been married.

When you married Robb, it was not what either of you had expected but you both did not shy away from embracing it. Despite being forced to set your unspoken love for Jon aside, you had known Robb was the future given to you and everything between you both after was easy. One night together and it took months for you to get back to him, and it was as if you two had been married and together that entire time you were in Kings Landing.

The very moment you had become his wife, everything else just became normal. But with Jon, it was different. As your time together had been in secret, to all others it looked as if Jon had never had any kind of a romantic relationship with a girl, nor expressed interest in one. Joining the Nights Watch it appeared as if he simply did not care about that sort of thing but you knew better. He had never said your arranged marriage to Robb was part of that choice, but it was.

He’d likely been thinking about it for some time, and then you had simply been his final push. And now that the world had not protested you both being together in both your new lives, you knew marriage was still not as easy for him. In truth the fact that he had wanted to bed you outside of marrying you at all was still surprising. Only in the freedom of marriage had Jon been truly comfortable being physical with you.

Yes he wanted to marry you because you both truly loved one another, but you also knew marrying you was his only true way of being able to have you. To him, if he married you, he could just have you the way he wanted without fear. So in a way, yes. He did want to marry you right away and everything else did get in the way, but you did not know how much of such a complicated plight Sansa could understand.

As gentle as you could put it, you met her gaze with an ask akin to patience as you were clear with your manner of speaking. “It wasn’t a rash decision in the heat of the moment. He considered a lot of things beforehand, but yes, wars and battles do tend to get in the way of such things.”

But there still was something in the way she looked at you that you could not decipher. Nor did you immediately grasp the meaning of why she would ask you what she did. “Do you love him?”

Lips parted in question, but the door opened to the room and her narrow eyed demeanour stiffened up as much as the honesty in her expression had closed off. Turning in place though you could see Jon had matched her in just as much a purposely closed off manner. “Sansa.”

Almost a question in his tone, but she instead looked to you as you stood as well. “I should go, I didn’t mean to stay so long or interrupt.” Assuring her it was all perfectly fine, she glanced down to the clothes she had brought with a more bright look once again. “When he outgrows those, probably rather quickly, I’d love to make more.”

Nodding with a softer smile, she hesitated to do anything else. Before glancing between you and Jon. A more stiff goodnight she gave before exiting the room without further delay. Jon had turned to watch with a narrowed expression as you gathered the clothes she brought to set them aside. “She wanted to bring the baby some clothes she made for him.”

Coming closer to you, the moment Jons hands went to the belt around his waist you met him in the middle. Your hands almost moving quicker, and more efficient then doing it himself. His voice a murmuring rasp watching you turn from him to properly put the weapons on him away though you weren’t quite expecting the question attached. “Did you see Maester Wolkan this morning?”

Returning to him, you undid everything of his warmer outer layers with something more picking up in your heart. He hadn’t broached the subject since what he said the other day, and so this time you knew you needed to ease into it far more subtle then last time. “I did. He wanted to see how I was healing.” More of a concern on his voice asking what he told you and only as you worked more behind him presently could you see his shoulders deflate from their tension. “He said that everything has healed almost entirely, save for some of the marks.” Inhaling silently, you refused to put emphasis on the subject as you said it. “He also said that since I no longer have any pain, I would be safe to engage in more physical activities once more.”

He hadn’t quite stiffened up, but you felt his breath hitch a little once you got him in his soft single layers, even moreso when you ran your hands up over his shoulders behind him, the massaging motion also digging into the muscle there as his head almost dropped. Murmuring your name, you merely muttered back in a tender manner. “I don’t want to talk about that, not now while I had a bath drawn up for you. The water too as scolding hot as you like it.”

Chuckling deep, he rasped in just as much amusement, “Would it be unfair then to ask you to join me?” Your smile was not forced as neither your words were too, answering that you would love too. Turning in spot, Jon grasped your hips suddenly as he looked down at you, lips parted wanting to speak before changing his mind with a deeper sigh in his chest. Instead, his hands moved up to your shoulders, toying with the fabric there. “Can I take all of this off you?”

Jon spared no time when you nodded. Draping the material down your arms before undoing the belt holding it to your front. Pooling to your waist and down to the floor with nothing to hold it up. Grey eyes darkening as his jaw clenched looking you over. “Jon?”

Not realizing he was silent for far longer then he realized, his eyes burning into your now bare frame he muttered out with something heavy behind it. “I know these dresses are to make feeding the baby easier, but I didn’t think it meant you wore so little under it all.” Asking hesitantly if that was alright, Jons eyes closed, leaning forward to press his forehead to yours, he nodded against it before finding his voice again as he suddenly turned you in his arms. “Come on.”

Stepping from the pile of your dress on the floor, you were bare as Jon still clothed, led you into the room. The steaming water begging for him to be in it when he turned you back around to face him. No words needed, you knew the routine still. Placing what was left of his clothes carefully to the side before letting his curls down and loose for the night.

Moving passed, Jons hand drifted along your hip before pulling you to the side with him, but Jon climbed in first. Settling his back to the edge as he grabbed your hand, guiding you carefully with his other at your waist. Silently insisting you turn to face him, moving you himself to sit comfortably in his lap as your hands found home resting on his shoulders. Under the water, one of his hands ran along your hip while he other drifted from the depths. Running along to cup your cheek and pull you just a tad closer to his face.

Always needing to adjust to the hot water his preferred, once your lungs could breathe again did you sit up straighter. Reaching for the cloth hanging by the edge only to be stopped by Jon snatching your hand. “Leave it for now.” Brows narrowing mostly in question, Jon did not spare any second longer jumping into what was on his mind. “When I tell you I love you, do you believe me?”

Eyes widened, you barley breathed out a “Pardon?”

Jon did not waver, but he did not look angry or anything close of. Almost with his eyes bright and shining on their own as he repeated with something so soothing. “This isn’t a trick. I need you to tell me the truth, when I tell you I love you, I need to know if you believe I’m being honest.” Only confused and taken back you muttered that of course you did. “I don’t know. If I said it to you right now, would you be able to even hide that worried look on your face you’ve worn for days?”

Heart lurching in your chest, you felt as if you had been a child caught in trouble. “Jon... I don’t..what are you..”

Leaning up, Jon let his hand on your cheek drift back to run through the long strands of your hair. Fingers raking through before settling to pull your head closer to his, nudging his nose against yours gently, keeping you right there. “I have one more question, and this time, I need you to answer yes or no. Am I right for saying you’ve spent the passed few days afraid that I’ve wanted to fuck other women?”

You said nothing, but Jon more firmly prompted that he expected a yes or no. You nodded, but he needed you to say it. You felt your heart and lungs floating with a sickening fear that you were about to be in even more trouble if you lied. “I have.” Asking why, you felt something as if illness come up but instead a cracking whisper of a truth you had tried to hide, only you didn’t expect the unpleasant warmth behind your face to sting your eyes as you said it. “Just because I’m your wife doesn’t mean you have to enjoy me being in your bed.” Jon didn’t say a word, and something stinging you more begun to ramble as if needing to explain yourself. “I gave birth, I don’t look good, I’ve been all over the place, and since we married this had been the longest you haven’t been able to do what you want. Of course I think it would be reasonable you find it somewhere else. Someone better.”

Jons jaw was clenched hard, but he managed to grit out “Why in seven hells would I want someone that isn’t you?” Asking almost confused if he heard what you had just said, Jon pulled you back gently by your hair to make you meet his eyes, now dark and difficult to read. “I did, and there wasn’t a single thing you got right. So I’ll ask you again. Why do you think I’d ever want someone other then you?”

The hands on his shoulders, dug your nails in but had the distinct movement or increase of fidgeting as the nerves ran through you as the stinging in your eyes increased. Shrugging a shoulder, his grip on your hip was tight to keep you straddling his lap in the hot water. “I look worse then I ever have, you couldn’t have sex like you wanted, and even if you did we both know I’m not good at it. I don’t really understand why you would think I would want you to only be with me and be miserable.”

If you could have felt the shattering in Jons heart, it may have also done the same to you. And if you could have been able to feel the few tears already escaping down your cheeks you would’ve understood why he looked at you in something as devastated as it was angry. “When did you start thinking this way?” Apprehensive you simply said the truth, after you had given birth and Jons eyes narrowed even more. “Why would you ever think after you’ve given birth to my child, is when I’d want you less, let alone not want you anymore at all? Do you have a single idea how you make me feel knowing you’re the mother of my child?”

The manner which you bit down on your tongue and shook your head was almost in a childlike innocence. As was the whisper that followed, dripping in an insecurity. “I don’t know why it started now, but I didn’t...I wasn’t blaming you for any of it Jon.”

Were he not handling you so gently in his touch, he may have raised his voice. “You should’ve. If I had been unfaithful to you, I’d want you to blame me. I’d want you to be angry that I’d ever treat you that way. But ever since that night, something in your head’s been lying to you and saying all these things that aren’t true and you’re breaking your own heart by believing them.”

You felt the muscles in your neck almost shivering as you held back that growing feeling in your chest of something too upset to handle, as if you were doused in ice cold water and the intensity of the manner which Jon spoke the truth to you was overwhelming to take in. “I only thought-”

“You thought I didn’t want you anymore, and you were willing to put your well being in danger just to try and convince me to stay. And when that didn’t work, you tricked me into forcing you to go way past your limits that night because you thought thats all you were good for.” He was angry. He was clearly quite angry and you felt those tears falling that time not knowing how to fix it.

But his touch on you was still so confusing, warm and gentle and soothing when his tone, his voice and words were all mad. Yours just a mutter against him, though he heard you perfectly. “I wanted to make you happy, it had been so long...and I know you like-”

Jon was not having it. “What I like, is you. Being with you, sharing myself with you. I don’t fuck you just because I can, I do it because you’re the only one I’ve ever wanted to be with. I never had a crush before you, and I never did after or since. You gave birth to my child, I’ve never wanted you more then knowing you and I have a son together, but I was scared of putting you at risk before it was safe. But then you did what you did the other night, and now I’m terrified.”

You knew he was not really expecting you to say anything until he was done, but winding down from the anger, Jon pulled you by the hip closer to his front as he pulled you back down to press a kiss to your forehead, down to your hair and just below your ear as he ran his fingers through the locks gently.

“You cannot do that to me again. You can’t force yourself to do things you don’t want just because you don’t want to make me mad.” Pulling you to look you in the eyes, finally a brightness shined with something just as raw as your current heart. “I’ve only ever loved you, only ever wanted you. You were brought into this world to be with me, and we both had to die before we could get there. So don’t ever put me in that position again. By doing what you did to please me, you just turned me into her.” Your eyes widened, as did your lips part to your now much more erratic heartbeat. “I know something inside you is struggling, but this isn’t the answer. I will get you through this, but you have to promise me you’ll be honest. If you don’t want something you need to tell me. Don’t force yourself to do things like that just for my sake. Ever.”

He was firm, but the anger had dissipated. He was almost commanding you, but he didn’t bombard you aggressively about it. His eyes looked as upset as yours did about it, but the touch of his hands against you was still somehow so gentle and so loving. Your voice barley muttering out, “I’m so sorry.”

Nudging your nose with his, Jon hesitated. But in your clearing mind you recognized it as him asking if you were alright with it, and you gave a single nod before he gently captured your lips in a kiss. Pulling you down and more close to his front, Jon kept you in his chaste kiss deeply and long before not even parting far enough that you still felt his lips brushing yours as he spoke. “Don’t be sorry, darling. I only need you to be honest with me. We’ll get you passed this feeling, but you need to let me help you.”

That time, you closed the gap and Jon sat up straighter. His arms coming up to wrap more around your back and up your spine as yours came more over his shoulders. His lips soft against yours, and he deepened it each single chance you had of breathe. Moving to tilt your head himself, Jon held you against him tighter as a small sound of need came from you. Only pulling away enough to rasp against your gasping lips, “Why did you tell me you were completely healed?”

He refused to let you leave, pressing his lips once more in a harsh kiss and giving little room for you to explain yourself. Which for once, you did genuinely as the feeling tingling against your own lips from his had your buzzing heart beg for more. “I wanted to make it up to you for the other night. I wanted to set things right.” All but in a demanding fashion he asked if you were being honest with him. “I am, I promise. I know it’s hard to believe me now, but I miss you too, Jon..I miss being with you.”

“Did you only want to do this earlier for my sake?” You nodded. “So why should I believe you changed your mind now?”

Backing from his lips, did a flustering feeling begin to grow. You didn’t really know how to say it, but something about how rough his kiss was, now he nibbled at your lips more roughly then he seemed to sense had awoken something inside you that begged for him to stay close. Looking partially down to most of his lower torso and all his bottom half hidden under the waters, you bit your tongue again.

How did women ever do this as a living? Talk this way to men day and night?

Instead you grasped the hand behind at your spine. Pulling it between you, raising it enough to press a kiss to his hand before gently uncurling the tense fingertips free. “Maybe you shouldn’t blindly trust me..” Trailing off, your eyes bright looked at him with an unasked question. Tilting his head, Jons jaw clenched as he exhaled again.

Pressing the hand now against your stomach, down until it was hidden under the water not yet breached beyond to anything indecent, but you certainly both knew you felt his cock twitch between you, and his grey eyes seep into something darker. Dragging them down what of your figure he could see and back up. Running his other hand free along your cheek and jaw. “Promise me you want this.”

“I want this, I want you. I promise.”

The second two of his fingers slid down, he found your clit with ease, pressing them against it as a spark flew between your legs into your heart and back. Eyes watching so close to yours, telling you silently not to look away from him. An experimental rub against your clit had to nearly jump with a gasp into his arms more, but Jon embraced it. Pulling you against him before threading his fingers through your hair and turning to rasp roughly into your ear as he found a pattern of tight circles to rub into your overwhelmingly sensitive bundle of nerves. “Gods, you’re still this sensitive..”

Almost in wonder, and it was certainly true. Something powerful had overtaken you when you were with child, but you felt so utterly worked up as your hands tightened around his shoulders as he kept your face tucked in his neck enough he could growl in your ear. The pressure of his fingers at your clit drawing such easy cries, but when such a pattern you got used too, he changed it to something new and worked you up all the way over again without ever committing to one.

Desperately grasping at him, did you feel lightheaded as your core burned and twisted each time he ran his touch over your clit in a new way. “Jon I-” Muttering to let go, you hid in him more as Jon instead yanked your head away enough he pulled you lips to kiss.

Biting down at the same time his touch on your clit grew rougher, your gasp gave him the opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth. Brushing along yours, and your moan gifted into his mouth had him rub tighter and rougher just to be gifted more sounds. Had he given you air, you’d beg his name but he kept you at bay with his kiss. Surrendering to him as you could barley explore him back before Jon took charge. Kissing you deeper each time his fingers on your clit went rougher.

The coil inside you twisting and each pass growing white hot until you felt yourself let go. But refusing to let you away from his kiss, you moaned desperately against his mouth. A hot wave of pleasure soaking into your blood stream and vibrating through your entire body, you shook as it made you nearly lightheaded. Hips almost writhing to the touch while you felt his cock harden completely between you, and his grasp at your hair grow tighter.

Before you even could come down from your sudden orgasm, Jon yanked you from his kiss and tilted you to look in his eyes. The same instance, did he slide those same two fingers down and he certainly knew the difference even in such warm water. Tilting his head almost exhaling through gritting teeth at what he found, Jon did not do it until you nodded. But the second you did, Jon slid those same two fingers deep inside of you as that time you cried out loud into the air. But you had nowhere to hide amongst such a feeling.

Shaking, he dragged them along such a sensitive wall already you begged his name but with heavy eyes he refused to let you break eye contact. Your mouth parting open, but with no words Jon spoke roughly for you. “If it’s too much,” Shaking your head desperately no, he insisted. “No, if this gets to be too much, darling-”

Fingers entangling in his thick curls, you had little breath to even speak through as he steadily slid those fingers in and out of you, as each drag you felt yourself grow that much more wet. “It’s not please don’t stop, please..” Increasing the pace, your insides were so tight as well as you new the water hid how much you had begun to grace him with your own wetness. Jons cock throbbing feeling how soaked you kept growing inside, but almost not even as worked up as he felt watching the pure beg in your eyes relying on him for you.

He hadn’t even taken you and already he felt out of his mind.

A slow pace but every push of his fingers deep inside you did it have your nails digging into his shoulders, head dropping down with a cry wanting to move with him but needing to just trust him. Jon muttered your name, stern and commanding. Gaze rising back up and you could read the look on his face without any question. You were not allowed to look away.

Mouth dropping as a moan was silent coming through, your thighs shaking around him as the feeling warm inside you grew hotter and hotter and Jons eyes were so dark and so much of his expression was stern and unblinking you felt another wave of pleasure burn as he dragged against you each slow steady push and pull. Eyes hooded trying to stay on his lap straight enough you wouldn’t look away, but it was almost a fight as his eyes on you so intently as he thrusted his fingers deep inside of you was too much to handle. “Jon..”

Pulling you to meet his lips, only short and chaste as he murmured against them as he moved faster and faster to your crying end. “Do you want to do this here, or on our bed?” The quickness you nearly begged to do it here was far more of an indicator of how genuinely you wanted him them before, as if you’d let tears fall should he stop now. “Alright, one more. Give me one more first.”

Hurling you towards an end there was only a twisting in your gut before it snapped. Jons other hand rose up to grasp the back of your neck, forcing your eyes up to meet his gaze as you came. Never stopping, but a slow decrease in his pace as he guided you through it. Pulling out you whimpered, but it only made his cock throb between you.

Grasping both sides of your face, Jon pulled you back to his lips roughly, your hands wrapped around his shoulders and back before he tore away from you with a heaving breath and gritted teeth. “I’m going to ask you one more time, are you sure you want this? We can wait however long you need-”

Shaking your head you almost moved to perch more in his lap with a gentle beg. “No, I want this, I promise.” Almost as if watching for lies, this time you felt none within you and hoped Jon could see the same. If judging by the clench in his jaw or the way his hands were tight as he guided your hips, he was desperately hoping you were being honest with him. He had made it clear, lying to him about the other night was one thing, but lying about this would be far worse.

The fog in your head was so confusing, but the more you felt his rough touch bruising already into your skin, the way water ran from you down hitting the scars on his chest and down to where his cock was impressively hard, you felt as if the fog had been burned away each time he guided you to your end. But you didn’t want to lie about this, and what you knew was true was how much you could feel your wetness building as your eyes trailed down once more.

Hands perched on his shoulders, chest visibly breathing harshly as you considered it. Your first time, you didn’t have to think about it. Robb refused you to look to until he had you worked up right to the point you would nearly beg for what you had yet to even have. He was rough and incredibly dominating about it and it worked for your vastly more unsure mind to let him control it all.

With Jon, it was very similar but overwhelming in such a vast new array of burning need. He had kissed you and all you could do was hand yourself over to however he wanted as if that was why you were born into the world. He had slid deep inside of you before you could think about it. The first time you had actually seen his cock, he had twisted to lay you out on the ground to take you a second time. It had been difficult to be intimidated by what you already had seconds before.

But now? It felt nothing like that. You could see all of him, how he somehow looked even longer then normal, considering it was not as if what was already there wasn’t intimidating. But gods protect you, the weeks passed and you were not sure how you had ever taken his size before. Muttering your name roughly, your eyes peeked up to his as he rasped out, “Talk to me.”

Biting your lip as your eyes fluttered shut to collect yourself, you were distinctly worked up considering you had not noticed the truly pure and innocent way you had said it. “I just..you’re somehow..bigger then I remembered..”

Jons eyes few shut as he exhaled a rough warning of your name. Meeting your eyes only to find you truly meant it without any other implication or tease, you were just intimidated by how thick his cock truly was. His voice was nearly a growl as he ran his hand behind your head through your hair. “You’ve taken all of me before, darling. Many times.”

Gods it truly felt like you were an innocent maiden all over again. The thought of taking him something that seemed so daunting and yet the deeper part of you knew that he felt so good inside of you. Prompting you as he nudged your nose gently with his, a more subtle sounding command. “Wrap your hand around me. Just like that.” His muscles tensing and releasing almost a shiver as you did so, not even able to hold all of him in your hand he was so thick. “You can tell me to stop at any time. I’ll guide you, you guide me, alright?”

He accepted your nod that time, your breath trapped in your lungs the moment you felt the tip of his cock slip inside of you. Holding you in place, you shook your head with something clawing in your voice for him. “I just..could we go slow?”

In truth, Jon almost laughed, he would have smiled gently at least were he not so focused on paying attention. Needing to see the very moment you may try to hide if you were genuinely uncomfortable from him. His voice barley a husk beyond his accent slurring thick at the feeling already. “We are, I promise. Do you want to keep going?”

A genuine ask, and again your wordless nod was taken for now. Inch by inch did you sink down onto him, your hands now both grasping at his shoulders. Face tight in half a wince and begging to cry out, you soaked his cock the deeper you sank, making it easier for his thickness to slide into you. There was not no resistance though. Jons hands on your hips were tighter then he’d ever held you there, to him, this was almost cruel. You weren’t even this tight around him your first night together. It was as if the time you took to heal had given you your maidenhood back.

This was the sort of warm, soaking tightness around his cock that he’d be desperate to pound inside of you with to surpass. But he took it slow, the only harsh treatment being the bruises on your hips. The tear in your throat barley letting a meek whine leave, but as soon as you were fully sat on him, his entire length throbbing inside of you did your head drop with a much more desperate moan, unable to leave his shoulder, your hands held to his shoulders and the black curls now dancing along your bare skin. That time, the small beg was certainly you, and there was not a hint of how unsure you had been mere seconds ago. “Please, Jon, please..I want to feel you so much..”

Wrapping one arm up around your neck and keeping you hidden in his neck gripping your hair, Jons eyes fluttered shut at how your walls still somehow clenched tightly around him more. “You have me..you have me right here. All of me, I promise.” You nodded, and he seemed to take that for what he needed, free hand grasping at your hip again, just barley moving. Murmuring in your ear, “Come on, darling..”

Finally moving along with the slow pull of his cock barley out of you, but meeting his thrust deep back inside as you lowered yourself to meet him. Nails digging tightly into him as you gasped, the stretch something genuinely painful and yet as your hips followed his again, and again, you almost felt delirious thinking he may stop. His cock dragged along your walls, drawing pleasure from deep within your core to burn out like a star and flood your veins with nothing but a beg for him. As his other hand moved to your other hip, you nearly didn’t have to do any work.

Such shallow thrusts in and out so deep inside of you, Jon also moved your hips to follow in perfect harmony as your name growled from his mouth. Lips finding his neck, not even sinking your teeth into his skin on purpose, but each slow thrust filling you over and over with something so bright and perfect you felt things lose any meaning that was not existing for him for exactly this.

The gentle sloshing of the hot water between you was nothing to his warmth so close to your bare skin, and yet you cried more into his neck. Held the back of his neck and hair even tighter as you clenched around him each slow sink back inside. Your grip around him tightened, and as he thrusted a little rougher back inside of you, did you find yourself moving without him to meet that heavily feeling together. Jons own arms wrapped more around your back, one tightening in your hair as you both sat up more pressed against the other.

Each time he slid back up inside of you, did you sink down to meet faster as if you existed for him, as if all you suddenly knew was the sparks of something burning you alive as Jon filled you over and over that had you desperate to feel his every inch stretching your walls. Growls and grunts deep in Jons chest vibrated through your front and down between your legs as you cried out like a siren in his ear meant to tempt him into a world of sin, and each time he thrusted rougher inside of your cunt did he decide falling for that trap was worth it.

Faster he moved and faster did you meet his thrusts that water splashed across your skin and splattered down onto the floor without a single care. Jon almost sat back a bit more, keeping you laid on his front at more of an angle as he grasped at both of your hips, refusing you to even leave his cock as much as he had been doing himself before. Slowing you down, one hand of yours holding steady at his waist, the other pressed along his chest as you once again hid in his neck.

Not for a single second did he stop, or wait for drag a moment out too long. The motions of him dragging you up and down his cock were more as waves then any waters you had sailed in your entire life, the waves moving together deep inside your cunt creating such a heavy haze in your head that you didn’t know any words which were not mindless begging of his name.

His rasp was nearly a death sentence in your ear, husking out so roughly you almost couldn’t understand him, but his hands were tight just as his breathing turned heavy. “I’m close, darling, tell me what you need.” But you held onto him tighter, a high pitched cry invaded your speech as you pleaded nothing, you needed him without any other specifications. But you truly didn’t, soaking around him you felt Jons cock thick and throbbing inside of you and that hot coil twisting in your spun out out control and you nearly fell into his firm front with nothing but his name clawing from your singing cries.

Rough thrusts far more pounding did Jon fuck up into you, once, twice nearing six times. Each rougher thrust of his cock he still moved you with him, clenching and cumming around him before finally all which left him was a grunt, bleeding into a growl of words not even you could catch. Forcing your cunt to take his every inch, did Jon throb inside of you before finally he came. Thick, hot spurts of his seed spilled inside of you as you fell into his neck as much as Jon wrapped one hand around to your hair, turning you enough to hide his growling need in your hair as he filled you again and again. As if in the weeks he hadn’t had you, it was as spilling inside of you at once. Never did he stop moving your hips as he filled you, and only did you both slow to a stop as every bit of his seed had nowhere to go but stay inside you the way you both wanted.

It was a good while he kept you there, on top of his cock just like that as your breathing both heaved before, Jon sat up. Guiding you with him, he cupped your cheek as both your needing heavy set eyes looked to the other just as ruined too. Rasping out so low and so thick accented it made you clench around him again. “If I tell you I love you now, are you going to believe me?”

And somehow still, your nod was almost innocent as was your voice. “I do, I promise.” Meeting your lips with his, it was deep and with a sloppiness neither of you cared to correct did he keep you sat deep on his cock in the water as your hearts both calmed down.

Slowly did Jon eventually take his time lifting you off of him, standing you both up in the water but neither of you were fooled by the fact that as soon as he could watch the water now run down your bare frame, did once again his already half hard cock grow more and more. The grey in his eyes had hardly been visible for long by the time you met them, and watched the black take over with a lust one not you, could mistaken for anger.

But once your feet hit the floor, Jons hands careful with you, murmuring in your ear he pulled you into his side to guide you to where water was not a hazard. “Careful now, come on.” Looking you over, Jon grasped the side of your jaw to tilt you up to meet his eyeline before he leaned down to once more kiss you.

Life was cruel sometimes though, and just as you could feel his breath hot on your skin did a knock at the door call from a guard to Jons attention. You were fairly certain were he a man in less control, he might have yelled for them to fuck off at that point. Instead, he looked you over once more before moving passed you. “Stay there.”

Returning to you, Jon had gone to where you took his clothes off, yanked on his breeches barley managing to find the patience to tie the laces enough to keep them up, barley concealing how desperately hard he was. But this time, Jon muttered for you to raise your arms for him. Pulling something very soft over your front, you could feel it sit just low enough that it would cover your front but truly nothing to hide your ass.

Looking down to the light grey, you felt something almost warm in your cheeks realizing Jon had simply put you in his shirt. Guiding you to the main room, the door knocked again and Jon kissed the spot below your ear before giving you a push. “Lay down for me, I’ll be right there.”

Truthfully you nodded in a daze, sitting back against the fur on his bed before laying out, one knee bending naturally to put your foot flat on the soft surface. A hand over top your head against where your hair splayed out wet against a pillow, the other resting comfortably against your stomach over his shirt. Your eyes closed, trying to breath deeply to will your heart to come down, but refused as the feeling of pain between your legs was finally one you recognized as shamelessly addicting.

Who was even a the door, or what they wanted was utterly lost on you. Your mind unaware of any passage of time as the fog had been replaced with both a clarity and yet a haze of need dominated by Jons very existence. By the time he had returned to you, already taken everything back off of him, Jon crawled up onto the bed. Nudging your inner thigh wider almost in the manner Ghost would bump someone out of his way gently before meeting you. Hands braced at both sides of your waist Jon leaned down to finally finish the job, capturing your lips greedily. Biting down to make you let his tongue slip inside once more as he pulled your legs apart kneeling before you. Trailing down to your neck, Jon muttered, “I need to taste you..”

It wasn’t an ask, or a request. Jons need was very heavy between you as he skipped passed what of your skin was now hidden by his shirt. Grasping your leg around your calf to steady, Jon slowly pressed his lips from where he met just there. Lips along your calf before widening you leg more and more, giving him access to run his lips long your inner thigh. Keeping you wide on one side, Jon slunk down to do exactly the same with the other, but instead placing that thigh hooked over his shoulder.

In truth he cared not about slowly working you up this time, fuelled by something desperate Jon pulled your other thigh up to sink his mouth down to your cunt. His tongue fat and wide as he licked along your soaking folds, groaning shamelessly as he sunk his tongue deep inside of you. Your back arched up in a high needy cry but Jons hands always kept you in place.

Licking and tasting you as if he was a man dying of thirst, and you were the offering from the gods sent to save his life. That was the utterly greedy manner in which he ran his mouth and tongue over your soaking folds. He drank what you gifted him with a purposeful sloppiness as if you were a meal and your cries only spurned him on more.

His facial hair scratching raw against your inner thighs, but your hand grasping gently in his hair pulled a growl more. Soaking you as much as you soaked him, Jon did not waste any of it. Running his tongue again flat along all of you before sinking back up and pulling every bit of a moan and cry out of you, in the form of what you could coat his tongue with.

You truly were hurled into an orgasm before you knew it was coming, but Jon spread your other leg wide as you did so, keeping you posed for him perfect as he grunted into you to drink all of your wetness as if you only could do so for him. Which by this point, you felt as if you might have.

Only pulling away as your hips jolted from such direct pleasure, Jon muttered into your soaked cunt with as much need as he tasted you with. “I want you one more time, darling. Will you let me have you?”

Truly your only answer was that of a breathless beg, “Jon, please...”

Surging upward, Jon pulled you by the back of your head up to meet his lips, not asking permission to slip his tongue deep into your mouth and make you taste what you had caused him to be a desperate animal of an addict for. As your arms wrapped around his neck. Jon hitched your thigh up to his hip and pulled your other back wide. Barley tearing from your lips to meet your eyes as Jon sunk inside of you that time still just as unbelievably tight around him but much more smooth as you took every inch as deep as you could. One single thrust Jon gave before he slid almost all the way out, leaving just the leaking tip of his cock inside before another smooth thrust back as deep.

That time, Jon kept your eyes each moment. Pulling out slowly so you felt his every inch thick drag along your sensitive, soaking walls but did not ever waver in keeping your eyes. A burning in your face of how embarrassed it felt that he watched your every moan and cry of his cock thrusting in and out of you, but he didn’t feel that way back. His eyes still dark, and his face almost unchanging in how serious they looked down to you as if he could not afford to miss a second of it.

His voice was rough, the rasp forming into an alluring, seducing husk drenched in an animalistic need as he groaned over himself pushing deep inside, his hand pulling your other leg even wider to sink somehow deeper, even faster. “I’ll never want anyone else, you’re the only one I’ve ever wanted.”

Almost a ramble but he kept your eyes, your own lips parted in a cry but small breathless sounds could not drown out how gruff he spoke to you still without needing any reply. “Don’t ever think I’d get this from anyone else, it’s you. Only you.” Closing his eyes through a growling groan in his chest he moved a bit faster, perhaps a hair touch rougher but certainly faster as he looked down at your near innocent wide eyes, relying on only him to get you there again. “You belong to me, you always have, you always will. Nothing can change that, I won’t let it.”

Faster and faster he fucked you, so smooth inside your tight walls soaking him enough he almost wanted to stop talking just to make you hear how thrusting deep into your cunt, you could hear how wet you were. “I never thought..I’m sorry..” Your hands grasping around his shoulders and waist, or smoothing along his scarred chest like it was home but you moved as much with him as you could from his strength keeping you pinned to the bed.

Neither of you even truly knew if Jon was aware of what he was saying the closer he dragged you to your burning end as much as his cock could throb inside of you. “I love you, more then anything in this bloody world I love you, don’t you dare forget that.” Nearly growling out the last as if a command you nodded as you arched up into his touch, your core burning in need begging his name as he followed suit with yours. Dropping his forehead to yours as he fucked you faster and faster, the sound of his hips against yours finally filling the room. Skin slapping against skin in a way that made him go even faster to keep the sound in his hearing over his voice calling your name sternly. “Tell me you understand, that you’ll never doubt this again. Never.”

Nodding, you begged his name almost too sweetly for how much he was fucking you deep on the furs of his bed. “I promise, Jon, never. Please, I love you so much..”

Capturing your lips, Jon pulled back to look you in the eye, his voice much more soothing. Feeling your end crash closer and closer. “I’m sorry darling, but you’ll never love me as much as I do you. It’s impossible..you have me addicted..obsessed with you so much you make me mad.”

Guiding you to your end, you merely begged his name trying to move with him as much as you could against his strength forcing your hips to just take him as he smoothly gave. “Jon, I want..please cum inside me.”

Jon barley reacted as his eyes were wide and dark as you clenched around his cock. Your core bursting as if a star in the sky exploding into a shimmering green, but he never let you look away. His cock pushing deep in and out of you as each wave of your orgasm had you grasping at him with tears forming overwhelmed in your eyes.

Grasping the leg by his hip, Jon pushed it up against your chest as much as he could stretch you, the other grasping your free leg, and letting it on his other side take it’s place on his hip. Keeping you balanced so relying on him as Jon groaned as he finally followed. Once more spilling inside of you as if you were born for this.

Collapsing on top of you, you wrapped your arms around his back and shoulders, bit never did his hips stop. He kept thrusting inside of you, capturing your lips desperately with his, muttering things possessive and bewitched in need as he filled you. At some point your eyes slipped closed, and Jon had yet to pull out of you, and his cock had yet to reach it’s filling need of your cunt.

Jon fucked you deeply far later into the night then he wanted to admit, but he refused to cum each time until he pulled your sleeping self along with him. By the time sleep found him too, he still hadn’t pulled out. Only turning you to hide in his front, his cock inside you soaked with your wetness and his cum, but his muscles still finally relaxed for the first time in weeks.

He knew tonight wouldn’t fix the darkness wrong in your head, but it was a step.

[ladyloveandjustice]

My Favorite Continuing Manga I Read in 2023

I went into the brand new manga I read in this post, but here's an update on some great continuing series!

Shout out to She Loves to Cook and She Loves to Eat for having phenomenal storyline about find the courage to cut toxic family members off, which is pretty rare to see (in manga especially)! The story explores how your family can impose a relationship with food that harms you in many different ways, and how finding acceptance of your food habits helps you heal. It also continues to be a lovely exploration of queer adults finding themselves that makes the point that your experiences don't have to fit in a box.  And I appreciate that they included a character who doesn't like eating that much for me to relate to! See my first review here, 

Now for a quick word about the other great continuing manga I read:

- I Want to be a Wall really upped it's game and included a nuanced discussion about asexuality that I loved seeing. See first review here.

- Yuri is My Job is still the best lesbian drama manga around and hits hard. See previous discussion here,

- A Man and His Cat is still the sweetest and Yona of the Dawn is as action packed and intriguing as ever...I feel a climax slowly coming!

- A Bride’s Story is still wonderfully done historical fiction with lush art while How Do We Relationship continues to develop its web of queer relationships nicely.

- Witch Hat Atelier is still a wondrous story of magic, creativity, accessibility, and struggling under unfair systems, all told in a fascinating fantasy setting with loveable, complex characters and incredible art.

A lot of manga I like concluded this year too, so let's take a slightly longer look at the conclusions!

Dungeon Meshi- The conclusion to one of my favorite fantasy manga ever was fittingly bombastically weird and fully satisfying. It filled you up like good food should. Live well instead of being consumed by fear of death and loss. Eat well instead of working yourself to the bone and neglecting your needs. Follow your own path, but cherish your connections and get together for a good meal. This series and its intricate world and wonderful characters will stay with me for a long time.

Catch These Hands- See my first review here. I enjoyed the cute conclusion to this series, and it was nice to see a little ace rep and a message about not conforming to society's expectations of "adulthood". It's an ode to delinquent girls that a sukeban stan like me can get behind! A lot of the stuff that annoyed me in the second volume was mostly dropped for the third and fourth, so that's also nice.

Run Away With Me Girl- See my first review here. I wish this had been a little longer, but the conclusion worked well and was cathartic.

Doughnuts Under a Crescent Moon- See my first review here. A nice conclusion to a cute, slow-paced little romance series, with yet more ace rep!

The Two of Them are Pretty Much Like This- see my first review here. This conclusion felt a bit rushed, with plot lines still dangling, like it was cancelled early or something. But the series is still good overall, and I'll miss it.

My Love Mix Up -This sweet-as-pie series about cute gay misunderstandings leading to romance comes to a fittingly sweet conclusion. It's sad waving goodbye to these silly, good-hearted kids, but I'm satisfied with where they ended up.

[jacaeryssworld]

skyfall → SYNOPSIS

word count: ~800+

taglist: @nyxbranwenn @deltamoon666

images are not mine! all credits go to creators/owners!

series masterlist | main masterlist

Alysanne Targaryen, second of her name, was the last living child born to King Viserys Targaryen and his first Wife, Aemma Arryn.  She had been born shortly after her Father ascended the Iron Throne after the death of his Grandfather, Jaehaerys Targaryen.  Throughout Alysanne's early life, she kept true to her namesake and behaved much like The Good Queen, treating everyone she passed by with a kindness that rivaled her Great–Grandmothers. But as she grew older and experienced the losses of her loved ones that resulted from the selfishness of her own house, she began to grow bitter and bloodthirsty for all that she has lost.  Her title of The Good Queen Come Again had shifted to Visenya Reborn.  And this is how it all unfolded.

———

Alysanne was only a girl of one and ten when she began to understand that she lived in a man's world. The young girl had known nothing of her place in the world nor did she truly comprehend her duties as the daughter to the King before then. The moment she realized that she would have to follow in the footsteps of all of her ancestors before had hit her full force when her eldest sister, Rhaenyra, was arranged to marry their cousin, Laenor Velaryon. From that moment forth, she realized the kind of value she held to the men around her and to her people, it all becoming more evident the minute Otto Hightower had moved on from mingling with Rhaenyra's life to hers. She was just a chess piece to play with and move around in this intricate game that many were hellbent on winning. Alysanne had no escape and nowhere to run, having no choice but to accept the cards Otto and her Father forced upon her from the moment she was deemed of age.

———

Upon reaching the age of seven and ten, Alysanne Targaryen was to be deemed of age to marry, much like her older sister before her. Even before her King Father announced that she was eligible for the taking, many suitors had sent their proposals to him regarding his young Alysanne. She truly was a beauty in the eyes of the people, something she must've inherited from her late Mother. But after many balls and parties that were thrown in her name and in the sake of her securing a good Husband for herself, she never agreed to a proposal. Her Father and Step–Grandsire began to grow impatient with the teen, resulting to arranging her own marriage after many failed attempts at doing so. It had been announced to all of the Seven Kingdoms that Lady Alysanne Targaryen was to be married to young Lord Cregan Stark once King Viserys made a decision on the suitable match for his daughter. Alysanne was determined to not succumb to the unsatisfactory life many of her ancestors before her had. But try as hard as she might, Cregan Stark was hard not to succumb to. The couple could give it their best to put on a facade and try with all the power they had within them to not let their forced alliance bring about any new feelings, but the heart always wins.

———

After hearing of the challenge to her nephews claim to the throne of Driftmark, Alysanne Targaryen had made her way to King's Landing in support of her sisters second born. She had arrived on dragonback, her loyal mount, Vermithor, thankful to be back in a warm place again. She had been happy to be back home after many moons of being away, basking in the warmth of the Red Keep and her family's open arms. But that happiness soon turned into fear as she began to witness her family tear themselves apart, greed and selfishness beginning to seep through the cracks of the unstable bearings holding them together. The foundation of House Targaryen began to shake once more, slowly but surely crumbling to the ground. And Alysanne would be the only one left to tell the tale.

[jbaileyfansite]

Interview with Backstage (2024)

Jonathan Bailey is still marinating in his thoughts, andthey taste pretty sweet. Top notes of red wine, he says. 

These are busy times for the witty British heartthrob. He’s speaking over Zoom from Malta, where he’s filming the next “Jurassic World” installment. And two days prior, he received his first Emmy nomination for his supporting turn on Showtime’s “Fellow Travelers.” 

What’s lingering in Bailey’s mind after reaching such a huge milestone? “The nature of the story, and how that story’s come to be told,” he says of Ron Nyswaner’s limited series, a decades-spanning gay drama that’s chock-full of steamy sex scenes. For him, the Emmy nod is “an acknowledgment of [the show] meaning something much bigger.” 

The 36-year-old actor radiates humility and surges with pride for his collaborators; “Fellow Travelers” also picked up nominations for lead actor Matt Bomer and for Nyswaner’s writing. Bailey believes the fact that executive producer Robbie Rogers was able to get the project on television at all is a “brilliant signifier” of changing times. He feels lucky to have been the right person for the job. And after a couple of decades in the industry, the actor’s star is about to go supernova. 

Childhood stage work and gigs on 2000s teen TV shows led to roles on acclaimed series like ITV’s “Broadchurch” and Channel 4’s “Crashing.” He nabbed an Olivier in 2019 for his performance in Marianne Elliott’s West End revival of “Company.” Households on the other side of the Atlantic learned his name in 2020 when he courted lockdown audiences as Anthony, the strident head of the titular family on Netflix’s period-romance smash “Bridgerton.” 

Then came the game-changing “Fellow Travelers.” Bailey plays the idealistic Tim Laughlin, a closeted congressional staffer who pursues a clandestine relationship with another man amid the witch hunts of McCarthy-era Washington. The actor is keeping up that momentum in the coming months with part one of Jon M. Chu’s highly anticipated film adaptation of the Broadway musical “Wicked” (out Nov. 22), followed by the fourth “Jurassic World” in 2025. 

“Fellow Travelers” is a fitting inflection point for Bailey, considering it reflects aspects of his own gay identity. Tim’s story also illuminates a thread connecting the actor’s work, both in and out of character: always embracing the truth, shame be damned. 

Born in Wallingford, England, Bailey made a beeline for the arts as a kid when he began studying music and ballet. After getting a taste of performing at a young age, he secured an agent when he was a teenager. Even now, he feels the sense of joy and wonder he discovered in those early days. 

He chose not to attend drama school, instead throwing himself into professional theater, where he encountered the performance process in its most essential form. “You start with your own instincts, and then you share with others in the room in real time,” Bailey says. “You academically approach text, then you emotionally explore it. Then, you physically put it on its feet.”

Theater taught him to be observant. In rehearsals, he witnessed actors being brilliant and bold, but also making crucial mistakes. Weeks of rehearsing helped him learn how to spend time with a character as he watched his castmates play against type and expand themselves through performance. Those lessons both tested and encouraged him, and they’ve carried him throughout his career. 

Since then, Bailey has gotten the chance to see plenty of giants at work. He reverently discusses performing Stephen Sondheim’s music alongside Patti LuPone in “Company” and reciting Shakespeare opposite Ian McKellen in the Chichester Festival Theatre’s 2017 production of “King Lear.” 

His contemporaries also made for great teachers. He worked with Phoebe Waller-Bridge on “Crashing” and Michaela Coel on “Chewing Gum”—two certified television geniuses whose creative successes Bailey likens to the magnesium flame of a meteor. It’s an apt comparison—Waller-Bridge called him “a meteorite of fun” in a 2022 interview with GQ. (“I think I’ve always been quite naughty,” he says playfully.)

“There’s so much you take on via natural osmosis,” Bailey explains. “It’s what you watch and how you interpret things.”

For example, he thinks that every actor should see Sandy Dennis’ Oscar-winning turn as Honey in Mike Nichols’ 1966 film “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?” Her performance whet his curiosity about the craft: “She is so fluid. I mean, that might be the most exposing answer I’ve given about what my inner world is like.”

Bailey’s technique is rooted in music. He plays piano and clarinet, and he approaches acting like an instrument, too. When reading a script for the first time, he experiences his character’s arc as the phrases in a song. “The way my brain works is that I see the images of what they’re doing,” he says. “When I say ‘phrasing,’ it’s like, how you get from that image to this image.”

When he was playing the bottled-up Anthony on “Bridgerton,” Bailey found inspiration in songs by Echo and the Bunnymen and Nirvana. While filming “Fellow Travelers” in Toronto, he went on long walks while listening to expansive pop music to help him explore Tim, a character whose energy radiates outward.

Considering Bailey’s process plays like a song, connoisseurs of his work might notice a motif. Sam from “Crashing,” a party boy Bailey calls “a wild, untamed animal in a tiny little cage,” aggressively maintains a facade of heterosexuality while pining for his male housemate Fred (Amit Shah). On Season 2 of “Bridgerton,” Anthony locked himself into a prison of duty and a loveless engagement to avoid acknowledging his desire for the fiery Kate Sharma (Simone Ashley).

Tim of “Fellow Travelers” is the latest in a series of sharply drawn characters confronting the tension between their assigned roles and their personal truths. Viewers first meet a straitlaced rule-follower whose Catholic piety is only matched by his loyalty to the infamous Senator Joseph McCarthy. All that changes when he crosses paths with Hawkins “Hawk” Fuller (Bomer), a crystal-eyed, debonair State Department official. Their respective closets combust on contact, and they enter into a forbidden love affair just as McCarthy’s Lavender Scare has begun purging queer people from the halls of government.

Bailey’s interior work tends to be more emotional than cerebral, but he’s a generous conversation partner who’s always game to riff on the deep stuff. Whether it’s yearning, going against expectations, or facing high stakes, the phrasing is what draws him in. 

He finds a lot of gorgeous notes to play across the eight episodes of “Fellow Travelers” as the action moves from the 1950s to the ’80s, making pit stops along the way. While Hawk settles for a life of straight domesticity, Tim hurtles through a sexual and political awakening: The Beltway boy becomes an activist priest who refuses to diminish himself, especially when the AIDS crisis begins to rip his community apart.

Bailey loved being inside Tim’s head; in fact, the actor thinks of him as a hero. After experiencing the isolation of his secret relationship with Hawk, he opens himself up to the world: He comes out, moves to San Francisco, cobbles together a found family, and builds a life as his true self. 

“Ron Nyswaner has spoiled Matt and me for the operatic detail that existed between [our characters],” Bailey says, “and also with Tim’s political fervor: the truth and the honesty that he demands of himself and the world around him, and the grappling with anything that is an obstacle to his own and other’s happiness.”

You can’t talk about “Fellow Travelers” without discussing its rapturous sex scenes—and not only for titillation’s sake, though the kinky encounters between Tim and Hawk certainly call for smelling salts. These sequences gave Bailey the opportunity to commit authentic queer intimacy to the screen, which members of the LGBTQ+ community rarely come across as they search for ways to understand their identities. 

The trust between Bailey and Bomer informed everything they did onscreen. Before filming those scenes, the two actors talked through their approach at a café (Goldstruck Coffee on Cumberland Street in Toronto—a ribald little detail that still makes Bailey laugh). The filming itself was incredibly technical, and the actors worked with an intimacy coordinator on set. “We sort of hit the ground running, knowing exactly what was going to be required but also how to communicate throughout it,” Bailey says. “It felt immediately quite safe.”

He sensed an exciting opportunity to tell a story about transformative love amid the “wild, oppressive moment” of the Lavender Scare, dismissing any reservations about the explicit nature of the material. “Honestly, this is exactly why this show is going to be brilliant,” he remembers thinking.

The series’ milestone dramatic moments, with buttons still done up and no skin showing, carried that same sense of significance. No matter how much Tim grew over the course of his arc, Bailey says that his bond with Hawk remained an “extraordinary, material thing.”

This summer, the actor made a very Tim move when he founded the Shameless Fund, a charity that supports LGBTQ+ causes under the tagline: “Raising cash. Erasing shame.” The initiative grew directly out of his acting work—first inspired by the platform afforded to him by “Bridgerton” and further influenced by his experience on “Fellow Travelers.” 

Playing Tim—or, as Bailey puts it, spending “five months doing a dissertation on queer oppression and liberation”—catalyzed his thoughts about the people who created a world where such a show could even exist. “I think in ‘Fellow Travelers,’ it’s so clear what Tim wants,” he says. “But as the world around him develops, you realize there’s so much that he can’t have, but that he can help change.”

Bailey sees that progress playing out in the next generation. He has a small role on the upcoming third season of Netflix’s queer YA hit “Heartstopper” as a dreamy academic who’s the celebrity crush of the series’ protagonist, Charlie (Joe Locke). Based on creator Alice Oseman’s graphic novel series, the show has found a passionate following of young LGBTQ+ fans. 

When he watched “Heartstopper” for the first time, Bailey remembers wondering what it would have been like to see such representation on television when he was growing up. “I was so celebratory of it,” he says. “But it was obviously kind of a melancholic watch for people above a certain age, because it allowed them to grieve what they didn’t have.”

Having conquered the Regency and Cold War periods on the small screen, Bailey’s blockbuster era is imminent. He’s playing dashing love interest Fiyero in the “Wicked” films (based on Gregory Maguire’s 1995 novel), singing and dancing alongside Cynthia Erivo and Ariana Grande. It’s a perfect fit for the actor’s particular lens: “Musically and theatrically, I understand it massively.”

Since “Wicked” came with its own well-known songs to study, Bailey spent a lot of time with composer-lyricist Stephen Schwartz’s music in his ears rather than Kurt Cobain’s. He explored Fiyero’s interiority through the musical theater form itself: What does the act of singing express for him?

And for a character whose signature number is called “Dancing Through Life,” what metaphorical direction are his steps leading him in? 

Bailey sees Fiyero as part of the same club as Tim, Anthony, and Sam, as the heightened world of Oz sends him on a journey of radical transformation. “I think about where he starts and where he ends up; he’s literally a changed person,” the actor says. “I savored the arc over two films.” 

Next year, Bailey will become an action star in Gareth Edwards’ next installment of “Jurassic World” opposite Scarlett Johansson. Though details have yet to be announced, including the movie’s title, production is well underway; Bailey just finished filming in Thailand before shooting moved to Malta. A few days before we spoke, he was interacting with a fake blue-screen dinosaur (which is only a spoiler if you thought Hollywood has actually been cloning big reptiles this whole time).

But Bailey is still keeping his theater muscles toned. Next year, he’s starring as the titular monarch in Nicholas Hytner’s production of Shakespeare’s “Richard II” at London’s Bridge Theatre. “I have to go and sharpen up,” he says of returning to the stage. “You feel so sharp and dexterous at the end of a theater run—but also, you know, without a soul. Carcass levels of absolute exhaustion.”

Bailey lights up at the prospect of getting back onstage and experiencing the kinetic energy between the actors, crew, and director. He believes that the emotional and intellectual rigor of theater leads to a tight, specific piece of work. It’s an art form that requires continuous creation night after night.

This stamina comes in handy in front of a camera, too. “When you’re exhausted, you have to rely on technique,” he explains. “Technique does get you over the finish line, and you can deliver a performance that is honest and tell the story effectively and truthfully.” 

Until then—and until he’s back on set with those fake dinosaurs—he’s going to soak up that Emmy-nomination afterglow for a little while longer. 

“I’m actually going to go and have another glass of wine to celebrate,” he says.

Source

[delicatebarness]

i think he knows | chapter twelve

Summary: Mama Rogers has no idea what's going on inside her daughter's head. Wanda and Peter come back to school. And, Bucky's got a plan.

Warnings: Kissing?

Word Count: 1356

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A/N: I feel like this is when the story is about to get interesting... whooops she posted early 👀

Tags: @bigtreefest | @caplanbuckybarnes | @angelbabyyy99 | @mega-kittyglitter-1 | @cjand10 | @armystay89 | @itvy5601 | @spider-mans-hoe

Your mind still buzzed from the events of the evening. The warmth of family, the pride in your brother’s accomplishments, and the lingering thoughts of Bucky all swirled around you as you let the crisp night air rush through the rolled-down window. 

As you reached your house, you paused on the front porch, taking a moment to breathe as your family entered. After a moment, and collecting your thoughts, you were greeted by your dad as he was making his way up the stairs toward your parent's bedroom. 

“You okay, sweets?” your mom, Sarah, asked with a warm smile as you entered the kitchen.

“Yeah, just a lot on my mind,” you replied, offering her a small smile as you took a seat at the kitchen island. “It’s great about Steve though, he’s going to love college.” 

Your mom nodded in agreement, a proud gleam in her eyes. “He’s worked so hard for it,” she said, her voice filled with admiration before she turned her full attention to you. “It was lovely to celebrate as a family,” 

Your thought settled back to Bucky. Despite the uncertainty of your feelings, there was a part of you that couldn’t shake the complexity of the connection you felt toward him. Lost in thought, you hadn’t noticed that your mom bid you goodnight. Alone in the quiet of the house, you allowed yourself to reflect on the events of the day fully.

The memory of Bucky’s lips against yours, replayed in your mind, sending a shiver down your spine. There was something undeniably about the way he made you feel, a sense of longing that you had only read about in books. 

There was a nagging voice of doubt, mixed in with the whirlwind of emotions, in the back of your mind. What if Steve was right? What if Bucky was just playing games with you? Was the list a part of that? The thought sends a pang of uncertainty through you.

~

At lunchtime, you found yourself loitering at your locker, lost in thought. The noise and chatter of the other students faded. It wasn’t until the familiar voices of Wanda and Peter grew louder that you snapped out of your daze.

“Hey,” you greeted them as they approached. “It’s nice to see you’re both feeling better.” you couldn’t help but laugh with them as you all recalled their absence the previous day.

Their expressions grew serious as they shared a knowing look, Wanda leaned in close to you. “We want to talk to you about Bucky,” she said, her eyes searching yours for any sign of reaction. 

Your heart skipped a beat at the mention of his name, nerves began to stir in your stomach. “What about him?” you asked with caution, trying to keep your tone neutral as you surveyed the hallways. 

Wanda hesitated for a moment, taking a deep breath. “We know the whole thing has been complicated between you two, especially with Steve,” she continued to whisper. “But, we wanted to assure you that his feelings for you are genuine.” 

Surprised by her words, you meet her gaze with confusion settling across your face. “How do you know?” you asked, your curiosity piqued.

Peter then leaned in, his tone matching Wanda’s. “That’s why we were at Stark’s,” he confessed, “Trust us, he cares about you more than any of us realized.” 

Before you could respond, a subtle movement caught your eye. Snapping your gaze past Wanda and Peter, you saw Bucky standing at the end of the hallway. When he noticed you watching him, he nudged his head to the side, gesturing for you to meet him in the classroom he was standing by. 

“Hey, I’ll catch up with you in the cafeteria,” you said quickly, grabbing your backpack and heading off in the direction of the empty classroom. Wanda and Peter turned to watch you walk away, they sent each other a knowing look as they caught Bucky walking into the classroom moments before you reached him. 

As you approached, your heart raced, wondering and hoping to have another encounter with him as yesterday. With a deep breath, you pushed open the door and stepped inside. Bucky stood by the teacher’s desk, a small smile playing on his lips as he watched you enter. 

“Hey,” you greeted him, trying to keep your voice steady despite the butterflies in your stomach.

“Hey, Sunshine,” he replied, his smile widening as you took a step closer to you. “I was hoping we’d get a minute.” 

Your cheeks flushed at his words, and you couldn’t help but return the smile and inch closer again to him. “Me too,” you paused for a moment, standing in front of him, locked in each other’s gaze. “Can we talk?”

Bucky’s expression softened, “Of course,” he said softly, wrapping his arms around your waist. 

Gathering your thoughts, you took a deep breath. “I just wanted to say…” your voice trembled slightly. “I’ve been thinking a lot about us, and everything that’s happened.” 

He nodded in response, his eyes never leaving yours as he listened with intent. “I have too,” he admitted, his voice quiet. “And, I want you to know that I do care about you,” 

His words sent a flutter of warmth through you, and some of the doubts and fears began to dispel. “I care about you too,” you said softly, reaching out to fidget with the chain he had hanging around his neck. “But, I need to know… can we trust each other?”

He gently began to trace patterns along the small of your back. “I understand,” he said, his voice filled with sincerity. “And, I want you to know that you can trust me, completely.” 

You released a heavy breath, relief washing over you. “Thank you,” you smiled up at him. 

Bucky returned your smile, “No, thank you,” he whispered, leaning closer to you. “For giving me a chance,”

As his lips met yours in a kiss, you felt a sense of peace settle over you. His touch was electric, sparking a fire deep within you. 

The world around you faded away, as your fingers tangled in the soft strands of his hair, deepening the kiss. You tried to savor the taste of his kips as your breaths synced in harmony. Every touch, spoke volumes, the rhythm you found together melting you against him. 

As the kiss unfortunately ended, you pulled back slightly, locking your gaze with him in a silent understanding. You knew this was where you were meant to be, in his arms. With a content smile, he rested his forehead against yours.

As the heat of the moment began to subside, Bucky pulled back slightly, his gaze a mixture of adoration and longing. “Hey,” he said, his voice that familiar soft tone he only seems to speak to you with, “Are you free tonight?”

“Yes,” you replied without hesitation, excitement coursing through you at the thought of spending more time with him. “What did you have in mind?”

His smile grew even wider at your enthusiastic response, his eyes shining with a matched excitement. “I was thinking, I’ll pick you up at the corner, and then, how about we have a movie night at my place? No one’s home, I’ll make popcorn, and build a blanket fort… we can watch any movie you like.” 

The thought of an evening spent cuddled up with him seemed, in that moment like the perfect way to unwind after a long day. “That sounds perfect,” you beamed at him, “I’d love to.” 

Bucky reached out, pushing a stray strand out of your face. Bringing his hand down to your cheek, he leaned in for a quick peak of your lips. “I’ll meet you at the corner around seven, okay?”

With a nod, you agreed on the plan, hope bubbling within you for the evening ahead. As you bid each other goodbye, stealing a few last kisses, you went your separate ways. Tonight held promises of intimate moments and the opportunity to get to know Bucky so much more. You couldn’t wait to see where the night would take you both. 

---

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[dr-spectre]

If Callie wasn’t brainwashed then what happened? Wasn’t it like she just grew disillusioned with inkling society and decided to go underground?

Alright so, I've said this in other blog posts and i have gone into it multiple times, BUT! I'll try and sum it all up on what happened to Callie in Splatoon 2. It is very vague and i don't entirely blame people for coming to certain conclusions because the game didn't do a good enough job in my opinion, and the English translation has issues too which doesn't help at all...

So during Splatoon 1 and when it was getting content updates, we got to learn about Callie and Marie. If you look at the dialogue present in Naughty Vs. Nice, Early Bird Vs. Night Owl and Callie Vs. Marie Splatfests, their dialogue is rather harsh and personal towards each other, showing that Callie has these dark traits about her.

These mean and harsh qualities of Callie were built up since Splatoon 1 and they come into the forefront in Splatoon 2 and I'll go over that shortly.

After the final Splatfest and Marie's victory, the Squid Sisters became a lot more famous and stepped down from their news presenting duties and gave it to Pearl and Marina. During this period, Callie and Marie became more estranged with each other as Callie became more and more popular, meaning she got a LOT more busy and had to work day in and day out every single day at an acting gig. In the Squid Sister Stories web series, Callie is stated to be "lost at sea herself" meaning that her acting career and fame are taking a tole on her, and it's pretty easy to see that with the Sunken Scrolls in Splatoon 2.

At some point Callie and Marie managed to hang out and they decided that they would go to Calamari County to visit family. However.... As we know, it didn't pan out that way. Callie at some point in chapter 7 became flustered at work and basically ran off, which her manager thought she wanted to go home.

But... She didn't... She stumbled across DJ Octavio after he broke out from his snow globe (don't ask how, we don't know and plus, octopuses are very clever and can easily get out of trapped spaces).

Now, Octavio is a man who knows how to use manipulation and propaganda to his advantage. He is the leader of an entire race of people that are on the brink of collapse, it's either they all die, or he pulls the right strings to motivate his people to fight and take the Great Zapfish so that they don't die. And now we have an emotional and mentally unwell Callie who is suffering from so much attention and overwork, of course Octavio, the main antagonist, wanted to take advantage of that. Callie is a very powerful woman with the ability to influence and inspire others with her voice, of course Octavio wanted that kind of power to help his race and get them motivated again after their loss in Splatoon 1.

So what did he do? Did he grab her and kidnap her and put on some "evil brain warping shades" and brainwash her while she was kicking and screaming trying to stop him? WRONG!!!!!!!!!! As stated by the OFFCIAL Splatoon 2 relationship chart that i love to bring up all the time, there seemed to be an on going conversation about Callie joining the Octarians, Octavio possibly appealed to her sense of isolation, hidden resentment for Marie and her being so overworked. And she says "Ok, fine. I'll hear you out." Does that scream kidnapping to you? I don't think so.

She's even called "the lovable rebel" implying she felt some distain for Inkling society from the way they treated her and wanted to rebel. Would the developers and writers of a character who was forcibly brainwashed and kidnapped display as her a rebel and pose her like this? I don't think so.

Like you would not see Marina Agitando for example in these sort of poses in artwork because the circumstances and conditions are so vastly different.

So now let's get into those god damn mother fucking bitch ass hypnoshades. As their name suggests, they are shades with an element of hypnosis of some kind, if they weren't hypnotic shades and just turned people evil and forced Octarian ideals into their brains then they wouldn't be given that name. "Hypno" is a very specific word choice and it's done on purpose. Callie was hypnotized, not brainwashed, that word is only used in English translations of the game and outside media and if you ask any hardcore fan of a series made in Japan then you would know that English scripts kinda fuck up the Japanese ones most of the time. Take me for example, I'm a Sonic the Hedgehog fan, the Japanese versions of Sonic stories are vastly different from the Western versions in tone, dialogue, call backs, personalities, etc. Same thing with Splatoon unfortunately. Take the English translation of the Splatoon scripts with a MASSIVE grain of salt. Like a meteor sized grain of salt lmao.

Now, what is being hypnotized like? is it like being a mindless puppet that follows the orders of the person doing the hypnosis? Well... Nope. Not true actually. The way it' s portrayed in media is completely wrong and untrue. Hypnosis is similar to being in a flow state, or being incredibly relaxed while also having heighten attention and suggestibility. Imagine being in a daydream while still having hyper awareness of the stuff around you. Now that part about suggestibility is important because this is where people mess up. If a hypnotized person is given a suggestion that goes against their morals and ideologies, they will NOT!!!!!!!! follow through with that suggestion. If a hypnotized person is told to murder their family, they will not do so UNLESS they secretly want to murder them and it's in line with their psychotic and fucked up wishes.

If Octavio told Callie to murder Marie instead of Agent 4, she wouldn't follow through with the suggestion. Callie doesn't wanna murder Marie but instead she wants her to leave because their relationship is ruined. Callie doesn't mind trying to kill Agent 4 because firstly, she's mentally unwell and isn't thinking clearly from having a mental illness, and two, she doesn't have any personal attachments to Agent 4 so she can just listen to the suggestions from Octavio and follow through with them. Even in the rematches, Callie doesn't know Agent 4 all that well compared to Marie and it's clear Callie is still not doing so well after Splatoon 2.

Callie while under the hypnoshades is more like herself than not. Like this line for example is just typical Callie but she's more aggressive and mean.

If she was truly brainwashed then her personality would be A LOT more different. She would be a lot more subservient to Octavio and the Octarian race and her dialogue would show this too, but it does NOT! In fact Callie berates and talks back to Octavio during the final boss.

The only real differences between Callie and Hypno Callie is that she's more harsh and angry compared to regular Callie. However this anger... this rage... this hate was always there. It was always under the surface, and due to Callie's mental state from being overworked and now under hypnotic shades, that pain and anger is at the surface and is clouding her mind and making her not think rationally. She's more chaotic, she's aggressive and doesn't care for Marie anymore.

Now i do wanna discuss this line as it has been brought up multiple times to me and other discussions on Hypno Callie i see online.

First off, like i mentioned previously, the English translations of Splatoon stories and media sometimes gets it wrong. If you want examples then look at Commander Tartar and Marina's dialogue in Octo Expansion. You can look up retranslations of Octo Expansion to see the differences of the English and retranslated version. The only other mention of remixing a brain is in the Dutch translation. The other translations mention hypnosis and nothing about warping Callie's brain directly.

Second of all, DJ Octavio is... you guessed it... A DJ! He says musical terms to make puns and he's a loud personality.

In fact that "remix" line is actually a call back to the Splatoon 1 final boss and you know what, I'll give prompts for the English translation team for doing that... Still hate them for everything else tho lol.

DJ Octavio didn't literally remix her brain with evil brain warping shades. He is just saying that because it's to show that he got Callie on his side. So the "remixing" is just Callie becoming "evil" and hearing out Octavio.

Brainwashing implies that there is a forcible aspect to it, however from the evidence i just laid out, that cannot be the case as Octavio didn't force Callie into anything she didn't want to do. He didn't torture her, he didn't abuse her. He didn't put the shades on her by force as if he tried to do that he would get destroyed by the more energetic, younger and stronger squid woman that isn't a disabled 130 year old Octoling stuck in his octopus form.

He let her decorate bases and added glittery ink which motivated and inspired his people. Hell his approval ratings went up because the Octarians were happy and inspired by Callie's presence.

Now you may say "but didn't she lose her memories while under the shades and therefore she got brainwashed?"

Well.... Not really. I want you to put yourself in the shoes of Callie, you're in a very focused and hypnotic state, like being in a very concentrated flow state and you have a lot of anger and aggression in you. Your head is so cloudy and you're under a lot of mental distress. So imagine an ink bullet flying at your eyeball, flinging you out of that hypnotic state in a very fast fashion. It's like someone snapping their fingers in front of your face while you're concentrated on a task, or someone smacking you at the back of your head while you're working on something in a deeply concentrated manner. You are left confused and dazed and need a second to gather your composure back. Callie when the shades are removed from her, acts dazed and holds her head like she has a bad headache, only left to sing and dance cause she's an idol and that stuff is natural to her.

Some of the side effects that may occur when under hypnosis include headaches and nausea, and look at Callie when she's flung out of that hypnotic state, it looks like she has a headache and is in pain.

Now when Marie plays the Calamari Inkantation, what is actually happening here is that the song is energizing and motivating Callie. It is not freeing her from "brainwashing." That is a very common misconception about the song, implying that all Octarians are brainwashed and are just mindless drones when that is NOT TRUE AT ALL and is yet another case of bad translation. The song is just extremely catchy and it gives Octarians the motivation to wanna leave to the surface. It also makes Cuttlefish get the strength to break out of his restraints in Splatoon 1 and makes Smallfry transform into Hugefry. The song is so damn powerful and catchy, that's all it is, it is not a mind control cure, that is fucking false.

So what is happening with Callie is that the song is motivating her and flooding her head with good memories of her time with Marie. When the shades are flung off of her, she's still mad at Marie and still fights Agent 4, it takes a while but eventually she starts thinking more rationally, realizing that Marie has come to get her and what Callie has been doing was wrong. Songs are VERY powerful tools for memory and hearing a song you loved back when you were younger can bring out certain feelings and memories. Those happy memories flood Callie's mind and she goes "wait... what am i doing!? This isn't me, I REMEMBER! YEAH!" And she jumps into the air and transforms back into her iconic outfit sailor moon style.

With all of the information and context i presented, it really elevates everything that comes after. It makes Spicy Calamari Inkantation more powerful as a song as Callie has truly reunited with Marie. Fresh Start makes sense and fits perfectly with the narrative the writers wanted to tell. If you take the common and untrue narrative that people keep saying about Callie, Fresh Start literally makes zero sense in that untrue context.

It makes her eventual healing in Splatoon 3 and return to the public WAY MORE SATISFYING!

Callie has matured, she has grown up, she's more comfortable being in the spotlight again and can handle it as she has worked out her relationship with Marie. She used to suffer from being overworked and having an addiction to the shades as it gave her an escape from her life. She would rather be in a hypnotic state then go through her current life. It was only when Callie and Marie came together and truly changed things is when Callie was able to finally heal and get better.

That's why I'm so passionate about this, Callie truly went through a character arc, even it was rushed and poorly presented. I care about Callie and want people to get her story straight. Splatoon 2 was always about the Squid Sisters breaking up and eventually coming back together and becoming stronger. Callie is my comfort character and i want people to treat her better. She wasn't a powerless kidnap and brainwash victim. She was a woman with deep flaws, anger, sadness, aggression, that pain is gone now from her. She's finally... Happy. And that... makes me happy too.

[bsptourist]

Do you have any favorite part or spot from the Half-Life series?

Yeah hang on let me just pick a few favorite children here

In HL1, the area right after you get out of the trash compactor springs to mind— Just a weird little run off area, but it's something someone at Valve still put time into detailing. The lobby/surrounding areas from Questionable Ethics are also up there. (Generally, I've always loved thinking about how Black Mesa presents itself to the outside world, and this is a fun glimpse at that. Excitingly banal stuff!)

As far as HL2 goes, I enjoy any of the areas that incorporate rebel outposts and basebuilding. Scratches the same itch in my brain that building pillowforts as a kid did. I picked the first map of Black Mesa East for the anniversary post because I do genuinely love that area. The way HL1 & 2 both display the passage of time without drawing much attention to it is great. The evening tone and skybox as you arrive to Black Mesa East are still beautiful, and the general hominess of the facility itself has always really stricken me. Any maps in Source that can depict an evening dusk tone convincingly enough always end up winning me over.

People sleep on Episode 1 a lot but I've always adored the citadel meltdown sections, both aesthetically and in terms of gameplay. The overwatch voice just repeating alert... alert... through a shattering Citadel is fantastic. The bridge section from Episode 2 where Alyx mans the heavy sniper also deserves mention!

I tend to like the weird little understated areas in both games more than anything else though. Gun to my head— I would say this spot in Water Hazard, (d1_canals_12,) is my favorite overall:

It incorporates a lot of the things I like about HL2's early goings, that being the late afternoon/dusk tone and makeshift structures. It's ultimately pretty boring compared to the big setpieces the rest of the game offers, sure, but there's a lot of storytelling power in this very sad little vignette that you can miss completely.

Even without the dead/zombified refugees and the metrocop presence just outside of it, this is a sign of how bleak life under Combine rule truly is. Sure, at this point you've seen it firsthand by way of jackbooted police brutality and suppression field talk, but seeing the places these people have had to hastily hole up in drives it home. This is maybe the most hopeless example: life at the end of a sewer canal, waiting on salvation you're not sure will ever come, surviving on god knows what. If you're particularly unlucky, a squad of people just like you, (only more susceptible to propaganda or the draw of civil protection benefits,) will come to mangle or outright kill you for daring to step out of line.

Also. Well. The lighting is pretty. That helps a lot too

[ofstarsandvibranium]

Caffeine Crash

Fandom: Ted Lasso

Pairing: Jamie Tartt x F!Reader

Summary: You go on a morning walk and you, quite literally, run into Jamie.

A/N: Part of my impromptu Jamie Tartt series, read Meet Cousin McAdoo

Isaac was still asleep when you woke up. You could hear his snores from down the hall where you stayed in his guest bedroom. For some reason, your body woke up early. It wasn't super early though, just nearing 8am. The weather was nice, so you figured you'd explore Richmond a little bit, maybe seek out a cafe for some coffee.

You got dressed in some jeans, a t-shirt, and a light jacket. You made sure you had your wallet, phone, and the spare key that Isaac lent you. Out the door you went to explore your home for the next few weeks.

_________________

Jamie was jogging ahead of Roy, per usual. It was almost eight thirty in the morning, which means his training session with Roy is ending for the day.

As Jamie's rounding a corner he crashes into someone, causing their cup of coffee to spill onto him and the person.

"Shit! I'm so sorry!" the person says and he realizes it's you, Isaac's cousin.

You seem to also realize who you ran into and you groan, "Fuck. I'm really sorry, Jamie. I guess that's what I get for trying to take a picture of my coffee," you snort, "acting like it's 2014 again or something." You give a chuckle and a shrug.

He shakes his head, "No, no. I shouldn't have rounded the corner so fast."

Roy, who finally caught up, stopped at Jamie's side, assessing the situation. He looks at Jamie then you, then Jamie again, saying "The fuck did you do to her?"

"It was an accident," you and Jamie reply in unison.

Roy gives his usual grunt and then Jamie says, "Let me get you a new drink."

"That's alrigh-"

"Please," he insists and you agree, "Okay. I'll buy you a scone then, as a thank you."

"I don't like scones."

"He doesn't like scones."

Both Roy and Jamie say at once.

You giggle, "Okay, a croissant then?"

Jamie looks at Roy, silently asking him for permission and the former footballer replies, "Fine."

The three of you proceed to head to the cafe that you were previously at and walk inside. The barista smiles politely at you, "Back so soon?"

You nod, "There was a collision and my drink was collateral," you explain.

"So same drink?"

"Yes, please," you answer. You step aside for Jamie to pay and then you're in front again, "He'll have a croissant," you nod to Jamie, "I'm paying for it." You look over your shoulder, "Coach Kent, do you-"

"No."

You chuckle, "Maybe a water for the coach here. Thanks." you proceed to pay and move towards the pick-up counter.

You sit at a table that has three open chairs, Roy and Jamie occupying the other seats. You lean back in your chair with a polite smile, "So, what brings you out this morning, boys?"

"Trainin'," Jamie says, gesturing to Roy, "Grandad here wakes me up every day at four for runs and drills."

You look at him wide-eyed, "Four in the morning?!" When they nod, you look at Roy, "Do you not value sleep? Maybe that's why you're so grumpy all the time."

Jamie laughs, "That's what I tell 'im!"

The older man glowers at you two, "Sacrifices need to be made in order to be the best."

Jamie shrugs and puts his attention back to you, "What about you? Why're you out and about alone?"

"Isaac's still asleep. I woke up a little earlier than usual. Figured I'd grab a coffee and explore Richmond a bit."

"I can give you a tour if you'd like," Jamie offers before he can even think about it.

"Oh! You don't have to. Besides, aren't you still training?"

"We've finished. Besides, I'm here and ready. Who knows how much longer Isaac will be sleeping for. I'm a great guide, by the way," he gestures to Roy, "Gave 'im a tour of Amsterdam while we were there for a game. Taught him how to ride a bike too."

You smirk at Roy, "You didn't know-"

"We don't talk about it," he cuts you off with a glare.

You chuckle, "Alright," and you turn back to Jamie, "I'd really like that if it's no trouble."

Jamie beams at you, "None at all."

The barista then calls out your order numbers and you stand, "I'll get them."

Jamie watches you walk the short distance away and Roy leans, "You better be fucking careful."

"I'm not doin' nothin'!"

"Isaac said to behave yourself around her."

"I'm just giving 'er a tour of the city! It's not like I'm proposin' or anything!" Roy leans back giving a skeptical groan.

You come back with two drinks and a pastry bag, "My drink, your croissant, and Roy, your water," you say as you hand out the items.

Jamie bites into the croissant and lets out a moan that's damn near sinful, "I missed carbs so much," he says after he swallows.

"You'll be doing extra laps during practice today," Roy sneers as he downs his water and then stands, "I'm going home."

You give him a wave and a smile, "See you around, Roy!" When he leaves you look to Jamie, "He seems fun."

He shrugs, "He's not always like that. He has some good moments." He stuffs the rest of the croissant into his mouth and you watch in amusement, sipping your coffee.

He wipes his face and hands, then stands, "Alright, nothin' like the present, right? Let's get your tour started."

"Right!" you follow him out the door, ready for this adventure with your new...friend?