#man just wants some waffle fries

[fanfiction-gremlin]

Basically all of @gentrychild ‘s Anyone in one video

[on-the-clear-blue]

Dead Man's Diner pt3

Dick knew that Tim was sending him looks every few seconds.

How could he not? This places food names were honestly the best, if this was some kinda murder cult Dick would be so disappointed.

Glancing up over the menu at Danny, Dick smiled at the teen who had been whipping down the same cup for five minutes like some wild west bartender while trying very hard not to stare at the two vigilantes.

"Okay, I think I have made up my mind, Red you got what you wanted?" Finally meeting Tim's eyes, Dick mentally winced, Tim's eyes were doing that twitchy thing that happened sometimes...

"Yes. I am." Dick understand slightly but like...the puns weren't that bad

Out of the corner of his eye Dick saw Danny pop up, nearly slamming the mug he had been holding as he fumbled with a note pad, coming closer to the two, he did a pretty decent customer service smile as he waited.

Since Tim was having a problem with words, Dick went first.

"So, I'll have some Boo-berry Poltergeist pancakes, with two sunny side up eggs and a side of bacon?" Dick watched as Danny paused for a moment, let out a little laugh and then started to write before looking to Tim.

"I will have...Ugh, the Wraith waffles with the hunting hashbrowns on the side...please." Dick had seen Tim look less pained over being stabbed than say the wonderful puns.

"Alrighty, anything to drink before I head back and get started on your order?" Holding up a coffee jug in one hand and an orange juice jug in the other, Danny gave a slight smirk.

Perhaps it was the coffee but Tim looked a bit less pained after that.

---

As he slapped down a few pieces of bacon, Danny totally didn't use his ghost powers to bring the bowl of pancake batter over closer as he scooped a ladle full on a freshly buttered side of the flat top, making sure it set first, Danny heard a beep from the frier, heading over he paused to see French fries in there as well.

Shaking his head, he dunked them all into the oil, and moved to set the timer only to see it already clicking down, "Oh um...thank you very much." Patting the deep frier, Danny moved back to the flat top as it let out a gurgling purr.

---

Tim took all of five seconds after Danny rounded the corner into the back of the house to start whispering

"Wing, this place is mocking me. Apple apparition pie? Haunting Hashbrowns? Ethereal fucking eggs benedict." Hissing Tim shifted in his seat, "like I would get it if this place was ghost themed but it very clearly isnt! It is mocking me because I know this place doesn't exist!" Slamming a fist down on the counter, it very much thudded.

Sharing a look with Tim, Dick placed a hand on Tim's shoulder, "Buddy...I agree there is something up with this place but...I very much think it exists? Since we are kinda sitting here."

Dragging his hand down his face with a groan Tim leaned back in his seat, "I know and it is infuriating me..." Grabbing the coffee mug Tim looked at it with a not insignificant amount of distrust before taking a swig, pausing, than taking another, much slower sip, holding the mug with both hands as he lowered it down, staring at the dark liquid with a small glare.

"Red? You okay? Is that the bad coffee look ot oh shittake mushrooms that was poisoned look?" Dick said worryingly, looking to the cup of orange juice that was in front of him with suspicion.

"N-no...I" Tim's words cut off as he took a breath, "Just...tastes just like the kind Mom used to drink, came from this little town in Chile they passed through..." staring at the cup a little longer Tim shook his head, "They closed a few years back, the farmer that made it got killed by a drug cartel that wanted him to plant coca rather than coffee, it's just that this place should very much not have this."

There was a tension between the two vigilantes, Dick moving to speak before being cut off by Danny quickly coming out from the back.

"Order up! Got two pancakes for Mr. Nightwing, side of bacon and eggs and two waffles for Mr. Red Robin with some hasbrowns!" Setting each plate down in front of said vigilante, Danny gave them both a grin.

"And a side of Phantom fries for both of you on the house!"

After refilling the little bit missing out of Tim's cup, Danny seemed to be to there one second and back in the kitchen a moment later.

---

"Phantom fries?" Danny whispered to himself as he started to clean off the griddle, a grin on his face as he did, he might of left the hero business, but oh God was it funny, he wondered if other people got the same fun out of it.

Checking out on he customers through the small window to the front, Danny felt his core thrum at the sight of the two eating, it was a different kind of thrum that he got while protecting people, this one...this one gave him a full body shudder and cleared a fog in his mind he didn't even he had.

Shaking his head, Danny tried not to let the purr building in his chest out.

---

Screw the worries that Tim had, Dick was having the time of his life.

"We can't tell the others about this place Red...Little wing would try and place it in the Alley and B might try and buy it cus holy guacamole this shit is good..." Dick had dug in after Tim's wrist mounted computer had tested the food for any known poisons which said that there weren't any, but still went and saved a few samples for further analysis at the Cave.

Dick didn't know why but the pancakes tasted like those that Alfred made the first week he had been at the manor, he had gotten upset at Brcue and hid in the attic all day, but Alfred managed to lure him down with the promise of blueberries in his pancakes.

They were perfectly fluffy, butter soaked with that little edge around it that was crunchy, the berries were tart enough to battle the maple syrup and...it was just like how Dick remembered.

Shaking his head as he finished up his food, Dick threw a look over at Tim, who was hunched over his empty plate, holding his mug of coffee closer, at Dicks questioning look the teen spoke.

"We have to leave Wing something is just...off about this place, its...they taste like when my dad used to make breakfast after coming home from a dig...has to be brain waves or mind reading or..." Tim continued to ramble on, ideas flowing out of him like a water fall.

By the time that Danny went back to check on the two, they were gone.

[seiwas]

₊˚⊹｡ see me through the morning glow | gojo satoru

wc: 1.0k summary: you and gojo have a slow morning.  contains: f!reader in mind, suggestive if you squint, food descriptions. a/n: unedited, i honestly dk what this is i just really needed to get this out of my system! this is how i cope with 236.

re-uploaded because i accidentally deleted!

You slip out of bed faced with the promise of sunlight. 

The curtains in your bedroom radiate a glow that bounces off the man lying next to you; it’s soft, near-white, almost ethereal, the color of his skin, hair, and bones. His back is exposed, arm reaching out over the (now) empty space beside him—the crinkles and folds where you once were. 

You’ve always thought your bedroom had good lighting, and now you can confirm why: in the shadows, deepening the line that runs down his spine; in the highlights, guiding your eyes to the pockets of muscle behind his shoulders. 

You look away, trying your best not to stare; the only reason he’s undressed is because of a cold sweat, from the nightmares—and the very need for skin-to-skin, to ground him in your touch. 

On mornings like this, you let Gojo sleep in. 

(Because you’re lucky if he can fall back asleep again). 

It’s slow today—no work, no missions that need you or him. It’s your favorite kind of day, and Gojo’s too (once he wakes up and smells the waffles you’ve prepared, double topped with whipped cream and maple syrup—his special, of course). 

A steady stream of warmth flows through the window to your kitchen countertop, the marble glimmering as light hits. The material was his choice; you don’t care much for glamor but Gojo likes pretty things—you especially, he likes to say. 

The batter is quick to prepare, a recipe you’ve done many times before, so you ladle it into the waffle maker before letting it set on its own. Then, you grab a pan to heat up, spooning in last night’s leftover rice, some soy sauce, and mirin, adding salt to taste, as needed. A standard fried rice breakfast, with a yolk to mix in later. 

The sound of his footsteps are concealed by the sizzles of the pan in front of you, but you’re caught off guard by arms wrapped around your waist, and his chin nestling itself into your shoulder as he nuzzles you. 

He’s still shirtless, you notice, so you inch backwards in case of any oil spatter. 

“Good sleep?” you mumble, certain that he heard you. 

He hums, before whispering, lips tickling the edges of your ear on purpose, pouting, “Not anymore when you left.” 

This man—a giant baby, puffed cheeks with long limbs hunched over you. 

Your big baby. 

Despite his whines, he’s telling the truth, you know, and you feel warm because of it, affection seeping in the cracks between his arms and the kitchen stove. 

You blow on a spoonful of rice before lifting it up to his lips. Gojo’s breakfasts are always sweet, but every time you cook, he looks forward to this: waiting right behind you to be fed over your shoulder.

His review will always be the same, of course, everything you touch turns out good. 

He reaches for the waffle maker with one hand while the other keeps you close, and you plate his little breakfast for him, whipped cream with little hearts drawn in maple syrup. 

You grab a bowl for your rice and sit by the counter, Gojo sitting thigh-to-thigh beside you despite the abundance of space around you. 

You realize then, that Gojo tends to hover. 

Not necessarily in a bad way, just that, he does it all the time—always wanting to be near.  

And for someone so perceiving, practically all-seeing, he doesn’t really have to for him to know what you’re up to, but with every opportunity he has, he never misses a moment to be close to you.

When you wash the dishes by the sink, he stays beside you, shoulder-to-shoulder, even when the sink is wide enough to accommodate him a few inches farther. 

Even the walk to the bathroom has him tailing you, following your footsteps as he traces the footprints of slow mornings with you. 

Your bathroom counter has two sinks, but of course, today, he chooses to stay by yours. 

“Skincare?” you raise a tub of face mask. 

He doesn’t need it, but you love pampering him, so he nods, whatever you want. 

You struggle for a bit (he’s just too tall), so he picks you up by the waist and rests you on the bathroom counter, against the mirror.

He stays in the space between your legs, hands flat against your thighs. His thumb kneads your skin gently, and any other time, this position would end very differently, but there’s a look he’s giving you—all words without speaking. 

And—

“Quit staring,” you mumble, turning shy. You’re about to rub the product onto his cheeks, under his eyes. 

“What, I can’t look at you?” he moves closer, keeping his eyes locked on you as he rubs circles on your thighs. 

“No, you can, but,” you swallow, “you’re looking at me like that.”

“Like what?” his brows furrow. 

“Like that.” you sigh, gesturing to his face. 

“Like I love you?” 

And it is like that. Like he loves you. That’s why he says it so casually. 

Because he does. 

You stay quiet, stunned, before you clear your throat and finish up the final area on his face. 

“Yeah.” you mumble, reaching over to wash your hands on the sink. 

Gojo waits for you to finish before he takes a small towel to dry your hands with it. 

“As if you don’t know.” he scoffs, pulling you closer to the edge of the counter. 

He’s right—it’s been said before, but there’s something else in his eyes right now, shiny and devoted, as if this is all he could ever want. As if you, on this slow morning, in this too-big bathroom is all he could ever need. 

But he doesn’t say anything. At least, not what he really means. 

“Not my fault you’re so pretty today,” he adds on, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

It should be funny, that he’s telling you all this with a mask slathered all over his face, but his compliments always speak to the depths of you, even when you don’t expect them to. 

His fingers mold against your cheek, to your ears, down to the back of your head, bringing you closer until he kisses you softly, a gentle peck. 

Bits of the face mask transfer to your nose and you giggle, wiping it off. 

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, they say.” you joke.

Gojo smiles, that look on his face, “Good for you then, you’re the only one I see.”

re-uploaded because i accidentally deleted!

comments, tags, and reblogs are greatly appreciated ♡

[sp00kymulderr]

it might be nice

Dieter Bravo x f!reader

Warnings/Tags/Notes: 18+. FEELINGS. Angst. love. just...feelings. Mention of f receiving oral, reader is a not a us-citizen (visa stuff), commitment and intimacy issues all round, did I mentioned feelings? This just kinda started writing itself, i appreciate there isn't enough Dieter in it but it is what it is. Unedited, unbeta'd.

Words: 1.1k

Summary: It's more than enough. Having what you have with him now.

"We could get married"

You look up from your book, drawn back from your far away to the sound of his voice. Dieter is looking at you expectantly.

Your eyes widen as you process the four words that just left his mouth.

"Dee, we…why would we…" You trail off, drawing your legs up and out of his lap, his thumb presses down on the arch of your foot once more before he lets it go.

The conversation had moved on hours ago. Over takeout you'd mentioned trepidation over being able to stay in the country, struggling with your visa and having no sponsorship since you couldn't seem to get a fucking job right now.

Dieter had listened, sympathised, and then eaten you out for dessert just to make you feel better about your situation.

It helped. He'd been pretty mediocre but extremely enthusiastic when you'd met, but now you'd taught him some tricks he knew just how to turn your mind off for a moment.

The conversation was finished the moment he put his mouth on you, or so you thought. He could help you pay for an extension but he wasn't influential or wealthy enough to sway the embassy into letting you stay longer.

"I'd bribe the fuck out of them if I could, you know that"

You did know that. You knew he'd do anything for you. He'd been saying it since the day he met you, once famous (more like infamous) movie star turned rehabilitated recluse with no one willing to be by his side until that day.

He'd met you in a Dennys, of all places. 3am waffles served to his lonely little corner booth because he found it hard to sleep these days, and he got hungry at random times. You took the late shifts because they paid the best, and you could be available in the day for calls from your agent that never came.

It hadn't been sexual at first. It hadn't been anything but a displaced, alone man and an exhausted, untethered waitress sitting in a booth and sharing free fries because chef made too many and they'd only go to waste. It had been whispered giggles, and sharing ridiculous Hollywood horror stories, and 'same time tomorrow' over and over again.

No one in LA had made you laugh. Not until you met him.

Dieter hadn't heard genuine laughter in years. Now he got to hear it every night.

Back in the now, you shake your head. He's being silly. He's trying to make you laugh again.

"Don't be stupid" You playfully shove his shoulder with your foot, but his face falls into a frown, and you feel a little crack in your heart at the sight. You watch as he stands, rubbing fingers across his forearm and muttering a little 'Stupid, yeah'. The tremor you feel inside you is nameless, and you will it to remain that way.

In the last six months of your knowing each other, there have been times when you've felt this same feeling. An ache at the thought that he could be anything other than happy. You'd long since left Dennys for the upward trajectory of the Cheesecake Factory but still when the late shift rolls around you feel a tug at your lips and a name on them, even when you'd seen him only hours before.

You're not an item, that's the thing. You're not a couple. Neither of you have ever said the words outright, no 'I want to be with you', 'I want to be yours'. Not to each other, at least.

It's more than enough. Having what you have with him now. It's enough, it's enough, it's enough. Enough that he will sit up all night long and read lines with you again and again and again. Enough that he tells you not to come over on his bad days but you do anyway, and hold him while he cries.

It's enough to be just this. Because more would only make it hurt more when he relapses, when you have to leave.

When you have to leave…

You close your book, set it down on the table that's strewn with pages for your latest audition. Last night he'd coached you through every single line, and then told you with passion just how perfect you were. You can hear him in the kitchen, and you know he's making himself a decaf latte with way too much caramel syrup and a dash of the kitkat sprinkles because that's what he always makes when he might be starting to crave something else.

That's how you know he wasn't making a joke. That's how you know your hurt his feelings. That and every look he's ever given you, every smile that lights up his eyes that's only been for you. That and the way his hands never stray far from you, always grounding himself with the touch of your skin to his.

"Dee…" You pad up to him slowly, watch as he tenses at your presence. Another prickle in your chest, you can't let him think you don't feel...what it is that you feel.

"Would it be so bad?" He asks without turning, the tinge of dejection in his tone making you reach out. "I'd treat you good, you know. We wouldn't even have to live together or anything…it can just be a way for you to stay. That's all. I didn't think it would be so bad for you"

God, you've had him right in your grasp this whole time. The two of you dancing around your feelings all because of fears you didn't even fully realise you had til now.

"I'd- I wouldn't even tell anyone you were my wife, if you didn't want me to. I wouldn't expect anything from it. I just…fuck,"

You turn him around with a pull to his arm, shake your head and bite back something hopeful and beautiful that inches up your throat,

"I don't want you to go"

Your arms are around his middle, a stifled sob as you bury your face against the soft, worn fabric of his favourite t-shirt - your favourite by extension because everything he loves you love too. He smells like him.

You breathe him in.

He smells like home.

You look up at him and smile. Not the pretty smile you give to casting agents - the one that makes you look perfect - but the big, happy, loving one he saw the very first night you two met in that Dennys at three in the morning on a random Tuesday. The one he gives you back is the same; he's smiled a thousand times on camera, in films and press appearances and award shows. No one else but you has ever seen this smile.

You take a deep breath. The crack in your heart starts in fusing back together.

"We could get married"

[tsukimefuku]

THE FOODIES & GOODIES EVENT MASTERLIST — JUJUTSU KAISEN

Bento Box Blunder (by @pmpmyread) Pairing/Characters: Kento Nanami x f!Reader Tags/cw: None, barring the gratuitous mentions of food. Summary: You’d always admired Kento Nanami from a distance, even harbouring a small crush on him, sentiments you’d only allowed yourself to indulge within the safe sanctuary of your discretion. Then one day, you stole his lunch.

-

Tuna Mayo (by @redlikerozez) Pairing/characters: Inumaki Toge x gn!Reader Tags/cw: Canon typical descriptions of violence, dealing with loss of limb, probably inaccurate description of making rice balls. Summary: Inumaki Toge tries to make rice balls in the aftermath of Shibuya. Reader helps him out. Or an Inumaki Toge-centric fic about dealing with the events of Shibuya while also being absolutely whipped for GN!Reader.

-

Get that bread, Sir (by @rahuratna) Characters: Nanami Kento. Ijichi Kiyotaka. Tags/cw: fluff, comedy. Summary: One assistant. One sandwich. One ruthless adversary in the quest for quality bread.

-

Love you a latte (by @kentocalls) Pairing/characters: Fushiguro Toji x f!Reader Tags/cw: Fluff. Summary: Lazy mornings with Toji and a passion for coffee.

-

Lollipop kiss (by @tsukimefuku) Pairing/characters: Kusakabe Atsuya x gn!Reader Tags/cw: comedy, fluff, this man is completely clueless but reader isn’t making things any easier. making out and happy ending. there is a bartender very invested in the drama. a little suggestive if you squint. Summary: your workplace crush, kusakabe, is pretty dense when it comes to romance, so you try to ease things out with a bag of lollipops.

-

My Cinnamon Girl (by @actuallysaiyan) Pairing/characters: Nanami Kento x f!Reader Tags/cw: smoking, general fluff Summary: Kento is your regular customer and one night when he really needs you, he ends up finding you outside smoking and you offer him some pastries.

-

Love you a waffle lot, you know? (by @senseifupa) Pairing/characters: Higuruma Hiromi x f!Reader Tags/cw: sfw with smoochin, fluff, established relationship, soft Hiromi. Summary: Hiromi and you share warm moments over waffles.

-

My "Batter" Half (by @seireiteihellbutterfly) Pairing/characters: Nanami x f!Reader Tags/cw: saw, fluff, cuteness. Summary: You decide to make one of your favorite South Indian recipes while accompanied by Nanami.

-

Good Enough to Eat (by @fattybattysblog) Pairing/characters: Mahito x Female Original Character Tags/cw: Smut, inappropriate use of food and cursed techniques, temperature play, Mahito is his own content warning. Summary: "Can't I just visit a friend?" he asked slyly. "We'd have to be friends first," she grumbled. Mahito's laughter echoed through the room, a sound that made Hairi's skin prickle. He sat upright and rested his arm on his knee. "Touché," he said, licking another drip of ice cream. "But, you know, we're not so different. We could be friends." Hairi raised an eyebrow. "Friends don't usually show up unannounced and uninvited." "Isn't spontaneity the spice of life?" he leaned forward, his eyes glinting with mischief. "Besides, I think we both know there's more between us than just animosity." She scoffed, taking a defiant bite of her own cone. "In your dreams." "Actually... in yours," he purred, his gaze lingering on her lips.

-

Egg Fried Rice (by @tiny-wooden-robot-fics) Pairing/characters: Geto Suguru x Original Female Character Tags/cw: Fluff, Mentions of food and alcohol, Flirting, Pre-established friendship, Geto and OC are roommates, There is some suggestiveness near the end, This is part of a series Summary: “I was,” she admits, “but I realized I didn’t feel like working out tonight and decided to make greasy food instead.” She raises an eyebrow, taking his spoon from him and helping herself to his bowl of fried rice. “And anyway, I’m allowed to eat and drink whatever I want, Suguru.” “The point of cooking enough for both of us is so we can each have our own… is it not?” He looks pointedly at the spoon in her hand.  “It tastes better when I take it from you,” she laughs. She holds a spoonful of rice up to his mouth. He hesitates only for a moment before letting her feed him.  “You’re definitely different,” he chuckles once he’s done chewing. He doesn’t realize he’s said the words aloud until she goes quiet, her brown eyes wide and staring. 

[itgetzweird08]

Okay But Imagine If Endeavor had a secret love child

(TW: Mentions of cheating, hints towards abuse, hints towards pregnancy)

Okay so just imagine. Me personally, Enji Todoroki does not seem like a loyal man in the SLIGHTEST with his track record. Like I could definitely see him going to clubs and hooking up with people while on missions out of the country to let off steam because he has a wife who he doesn’t love, a son that is a danger to himself and doesn’t know what it means to quit, and two other children who are ‘failed experiments’

Enji is hella motivated to accomplish his mission to create the most powerful kid, HOWEVER, he’s still human. I think deep deep down he might want some form of true love and human connection. And that’s where /she/ comes in. The gorgeous woman that he meets in a diner one late night in America, while trying to get a decent meal after a hard mission. Any place that would even come close to having something that fits his meal plan is closed, but he knows he needs to eat. So this seemed like his best option.

He enters the diner, and it’s sorta dark and is cheap as all hell. He had half a mind to turn around and just starve, but the smell of something fried hit his nose and he gave up that thought quickly. He picked his own seat, a booth in the back next to a window that hadn’t been cleaned in a while. His hand touched something sticky on the table, and his lip curled in disgust. But that curl turned into a small ‘o’ as his jaw dropped, his eyes catching the waitress that was walking towards his booth. He was never a love at first sight kind of man, especially when he gave up such a silly concept long ago, but this was enough to make him get on his knees and praise Cupid. It felt like an arrow of warmth and desire had been shot through his chest. He had a fire quirk but nothing had made him feel so hot.

Rei and the kids were nothing but a distant thought all the way in the back of his brain stem when the woman approached his table. She seemed other worldly, tall and full and brave and soft. Something about her full curls and dark skin gave nothing less than goddess. There was so much to look at but there felt like so little time to take in everything she had to offer.

A soft clearing of her throat though brought him out of his stupor.

“Can I get you anything, sugar?”

The nickname made him blush, heat rushing to his face. It was a miracle his skin didn’t alight with his flame. “Yes- my apologies. Let me get, um,” here he was, sweating and stuttering like a school boy. Pathetic- he was pathetic. Before he could get truly angry at himself, she laughed, and the sound was like a drug.

“Here, you seem like you’ve been working hard. Let me get you a coffee and a proper menu, and I’ll come back for ya. Sound good?”

And all he could do is nod with a fry mouth, his face so hot he could’ve sworn his quirk was activated.

When she came back, she poured him a coffee, asking if he was from around while he browsed the menu. He said no, and told her of his hero work and his home in Japan. She listened with open ears and heart, finding herself sitting in the booth to listen to the scarlet haired man. She took the extra mug on the table, pouring herself a cup and loading it with mini creamers and sugar packets. It was a complete contrast to Enji’s own pitch black cup. But he didn’t mind. He honestly found it cute. He wondered if the sugar in the coffee was apart of what made the woman so sweet.

One cup of coffee turned to two. And that two turned to three with two waffle specials and a bowl of fruit to share. That ended up being a free meal for him and a ride home for her after her long shift. And the kiss at the door, well…you can guess where that led.

He left in the morning before she could wake, as he had a flight to catch by that noon. But he left her with a parting gift: his cell number and the large jacket he gave her when the night breeze got too cold.

Their affair continued for a while. It didn’t help Enji that Touya was putting himself in more danger, Rei seemed to be increasingly more difficult to deal with, and like her body got tired of the constant trying for his perfectly quirked child. And he knew it was wrong, of course he did, but when had that ever been enough to stop him? He began making up missions and lies, just to fly back across the sea to see his gorgeous waitress. And every time he left her a gift. A diamond charm bracelet, a new pair of shoes, a heart felt note with Godiva chocolates. And all she did in return was make him feel alive, like his life was worth more then it ever had been.

Six months.

It all lasted six months.

That was until he got the call from Rei, mid flight across the ocean, that she was pregnant. All thoughts of love and happiness and the small whisp of desire to leave his family behind and start a new one with his lover was erased. He had a feeling. This was it, his perfect child. He had the pilot turn the plane around, leaving his doll with one last parting gift.

The baby growing within her.

This time? He didn’t look back.

[magnoliasandarson]

hoax

Tim was doing his absolute damnedest to project calmness, but he was losing his mind. Two feet away, munching on some cheesy fries, was the Red Hood—the prodigal son, the dead golden boy, his childhood hero, his Robin. The insane man who once beat him half to death, now the guy who occasionally dropped by the cave with a frankly worrying number of bullet holes. 

He’d been patrolling for an hour or so when he noticed the lack of gunshots, screams, explosions, etc., and tracked Hood to the gargoyle Dick took him to once when he was feeling sentimental. It was strange finding him without his signature explosive bucket on, with a bag of Batburger in his lap.

Tim didn’t know what to say, but he knew he needed to say something. Jason apologized for his actions weeks ago and explained that the pit had taken no dead Robins and turned it into all Robins must die, but there was still a weight between them. A clear line that said do not cross; luckily enough, Tim lived to cross those lines, “Takin’ a day off from murder and mayhem?”

Jason twisted his head to look over, his scowl somehow threatening, even with a fry hanging out of his mouth. He finished chewing, looking menacing the whole time, “Fucks it to ya, bird boy?”

Tim plopped down on the ledge; if Jason was going to shoot him, he would’ve already. He stared out at Gotham, at the empty streets and windows glowing with warmth and light. For once, the city was quiet, “Just making conversation, Hood.”

“What made you think I wanted to talk?” Jason’s tone was harsh, but it was about a five on the Jason-rage-meter, and Tim didn’t get fidgety till a seven. 

Tim kicked his feet out, idly drumming his fingers on the cement ledge, “Maybe I wanted to talk.” And in a weird way, it was true. This was Jason freakin’ Todd; the boy wonder that made Batman laugh. He oddly wanted to know everything. 

Jason sighed like he was accosted by young, costumed teens all the time, and, to be fair, he was. Stephanie had taken to showing up at his apartment at odd hours with waffles, and she had only been shot at twice, “Fine, traffic light. Whatcha wanna talk about.”

“Y’know, you wore the suit, too. ‘Least mine has pants.” Tim spoke, then immediately hunched away. Robin was a sore spot for Jason- Tim was stupid to bring it up. 

For some reason, Jason didn’t immediately pull a gun; he just cocked his head and laughed quietly. Tim straightened back up and tried to muster up a glare, but that just made Jason’s little laughs louder, “Ooh- baby bird’s got jokes,” he rolled his shoulders and offered a thing of fries from the bag, “want some fries, Tiny?”

Tim groaned; why did everyone make short jokes about him? He snatched the fries sharply in protest, “You were short too-”

“Yeah, then I took a dip in poison snot,” Jason cut him off, “Ya wanna do that too, short stack?”

Tim immediately jammed some fries in his mouth- he was incurably dumb. He’d managed to bring up Robin and the Lazarus Pit with Jason. He should hang up the cape, “You got any advice? As a former short king?” Honestly, he wished Jason would just shoot him now. There was something wrong with his brain on a fundamental level. He’d been hanging out with Bart and Kon way too much.

Jason tilted his head like he was buffering and inhaled deeply through his nose like he was trying to calm himself through sheer force of will, “Whatcha wanna know?”

Tim chewed his mouthful of potato slowly; he hadn’t thought this far ahead. What did he want to know from Jason? He could ask about crime-lording, but Jason would probably snitch to Dick, and then Bruce would lecture him for at least an hour. Oddly enough, there was only one safe topic he could ask about, and it would still likely result in him leaving with lead in his body that was not there before, “You got any, uhm, Robin-ly advice?” Lightning should strike him down.

Jason didn’t kill him, which was a plus; just lit up a cigarette and took a long drag, which was objectively hilarious, but Tim would die if he laughed, so he just ate another fry, “Robin was a different kid,” he blew out smoke rings like the cool guys in movies, and if Tim wasn’t acutely afraid of lung cancer, he’d be tempted to try, “Dickwing use’ta say, “Robin is magic, you have to be brave for the magic to work.” I used to believe that shit.”

“You don’t anymore?”

Another cool ring of cigarette smoke floated out through the sky, “I stopped believin’ when I dug my way outta my grave.”

Noted. Tim cleared his throat; this was not a conversation he was equipped for, “Oh.”

Jason snorted, “Yeah- oh,” he took another deep drag of his cigarette, making Tim’s chest twinge, “The thing is- Robin will make you believe you can be- make you think you can be a better person.”

“Then why aren’t you better?” The words left his mouth without Tim’s consent, and his whole body tensed to jump, his fingers finding his grapple gun at his waist. 

Jason gave a wry smile and stubbed his spent cigarette on the gargoyle to his right, “Because Robin isn’t magic.”

[darrysfav]

Things that my friends have said that I believe the gang would say.

Warnings - some nsfw??, lots of cussing, mentions of death, and just some questionable things.

Ponyboy -

• “do you WANT to kill yourself??”

• “IF YOU SPOIL THIS BOOK I WILL MAKE YOU EAT MY SHIT”

• “I’m not poor?” *proceeds to ask the gang for money*

• “do I look gay??”

Sodapop -

• “I am never going back with my damn ex” *starts texting her again*

• “You look like if a cat shit you out”

• “WHY DO YOU WANT ME TO BE RACIST??”

• “I could fuck up some fried butter right about now”

Darry -

• “If he has stds don’t come crying to me”

• “Why would I want to go to some boob fuckers house??”

• “Now why the fuck would you want to sleep with someone who is named after a month?”

• *is drunk* “My moms not dead she’s just asleep in the ground because she’s unstable!”

Johnny -

• “My dad once told me I looked like I sucked dick”

• “I could eat a whole ass horse right now” *slowly looks at pony*

• “If someone came up to me and asked ass or tits I would say dick”

• “I would go to therapy but I want to go to Waffle House”

Dallas -

• “I’m not dead” *right after he flipped an golf cart while driving*

• “My mom killed herself because she realized she couldn’t fuck her cousin” ( true story btw 🧍🏽‍♀️)

• “I would go and fuck her but I think she’s let Steve hit and I don’t want to get stds”

• “I tried to kill myself and woke up in the hospital to star troopers and Spider-Man, thought I was in hell for a moment there”

Steve -

• “Now why would I fuck Soda when he tried to fuck me first?”

• “How did you get rug burn on your titties you whore”

• “You better hurry up or I’ll shit in your mouth”

• “WHY DO I HAVE TO BE THE ONE WITH STDS DALLAS??”

Two-Bit -

• “I like shitting because it feels like I’m get dicked down”

• “I would let someone pee in my mouth for free tbh”

• “My dad came back with the milk and his own sperm” ( man i can’t even tell you 😭 )

• “Me and Darry used to fuck back then but he realized to much of a big penis than him” *Darry then chased him out of the house*

I will be honest with you guys.. some of this written out of context and I’m not going to question it.

Also all these things actually were said irl and also been done so 👍🏼

[moyokeansimblr]

Moyo life update

Hey friends so yeah uhm... Well after our old man kitty Zook passed on the 4th my dad decided pretty much immediately that we'd be getting kittens because he thought we needed kitten therapy. Initially the plan was only to get 1-2 because we do still have Sophie (Zook's sister) and while she adores the pants off me she's admittedly a grouchy old lady towards everyone else so we weren't sure how she'd do with a kitten. She's also 15.5 so that's why my dad wanted more than one kitten because Sophie doesn't play much.

My brother's girlfriend knew a family that had a litter of 4 kittens and the plan was for us to take 2 so as to not overwhelm Soph. But get this: on the 4th while my mom and brother were saying goodbye to Zook at our vet... a 12 week old kitten just waltzes up to the door! One of the vet techs grabbed him and was like omg he's here for them! But the other tech wouldn't let her interrupt my mom & brother so she took him home with the plan to tell us about him when we were slightly less sad. When my mom called the vet Friday morning to settle our account she told us about him and he was ours an hour later. My brother named him Waffle (short for wunderwaffe dg2, idk spelling I don't play cod).

But we still wanted Waffle to have someone who wasn't 15 years older than him so Saturday morning we went to meet the litter of 4 kittens my brother's girlfriend's mom's friend had. It was pretty easy, two of them clearly liked us most right away. So by mid day Saturday had two more kittens. They're 8 weeks, and named Pez and Cooper. Cooper is the runt and the first thing my brother's girlfriend said when she saw him was oh my god he's so derpy. 😹 But my dad said he thinks Pez knows Cooper is a little behind and looks out for him.

So far they're all separate. Waffle has his space, Pez and Cooper have a space, and then Sophie has reign of the house. They've had a few supervised meetings that have gone well. Sophie's gave her warning hisses if they've gotten too close but otherwise has just watched them. Pez and Cooper aren't scared at all because they came from a house full of other animals but Waffle is pretty scared. He gets all poofy and growls both at Sophie and the other kittens but we don't think he's had experience with other cats since nobody knows where he came from. So we're working on him so he'll be less scared.

ANYWAYS, because I work part time and from home I am the primary cat carer. Between all the cleaning/kitten proofing, giving Sophie ample attention, and acclimating all three kittens I'm utterly brain fried. I've been trying to work on some CC but I've not been able to sit down and actually play sims at all in weeks what with how sick Zook was and now kittens. I did have a sims 2 birthday gift planned but there's no way I'll get to finish it or any of the other CC I've got in progress by that date. I really just want to play but I'm in cat mode so it's what it is. But in the meantime while I can't play I've been watching a lot of sims YouTube content instead (like sammy sundog's service area videos) so that I can still get my sims fix until whenever I get to play again.

I'll end this post with a pic of my good old girl Sophie because she's handling all of these changes pretty damn great so far. But yeah long story short basically I don't have anything sims to contribute to Tumblr right now. Hopefully soon.

[tomatoswup]

"Can I get a-"

summary: Hi! Welcome to McDonald's! How may I take your order?

warnings/tags: crack!fic, legit just a crack fic, or aCTUALLY A CRACK!DRABBLE☝️☝️ mcdonalds propaganda, big breakfast and hash brown advocation, poor vash trying to work on a normal day, knives fist fighting a customer waffle house style, reader just wants their breakfast ;(

A/N: ....do i have to explain why i wrote this.....i found the whole mcdonalds au one of the funniest things the fandom could've come up with...it wasn't just a need it was a NECESSITY :D

"Order number 32!"

Ah yes, McDonalds at 7 in the morning, the beeps of the orders coming in, the beeping of the machines, and the bustling talking of the customers either sitting and eating or waiting for their orders.

McDonalds was a true staple of cryptic shopping for hunger.

But you could never get enough of their big breakfast and hashbrowns. And like a zombie, sometimes you found yourself in line some mornings before work.

But this morning seemed a bit...off.

"YOU'RE BURNING THE THE FUCKING HASHBROWNS WOLFWOOD!"

"NO I'M NOT!"

You couldn't help but watch a pancake fly in the air as you made your way to the counter. There, you were met with a kind faced worker, a cute one too! Peeking at his name plate that read "Vash", you gave him a soft smile, still feeling a bit tired.

"Hi! How can I help you?" He asked, returning the smile, the McDonalds hat on his head pushing down the tufts of blonde spikes of his, peeking under the hat.

But why was he wearing glasses? It was practically still dark outside...

"Hi, can I get a-"

"EXCUSE ME! WHY DID I NOT GET ANY LARGE FRIES!" Turning your attention to one of the customers right by you, both Vash and you jumped at the sudden slam of a receipt onto the counter to one of the other workers behind it.

A more pale, blonde man stood there, giving the rude customer one of the most stankiest faces you never thought some one could ever give.

If looks could kill, this man definitely could. He looked like he was about to jump over the counter and pounce on the man with the energy he was giving out.

Waffle House style.

"Err, sorry 'bout that.."Vash sweatdropped before looking back at you "What did you want to order?"

"Can I get uh-"

"JESUS FUCK MERYL DO YOU KNOW HOW TO FLIP A SAUSAGE?"

"WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME!? I'VE BEEN WORKING HERE FOR 2 YEARS! YOU'RE THE NEW ONE!"

You took a step back when suddenly, you saw a flash of yellow flying towards the both of you.

WAS THAT AN EGG??

Oh fuc- "FUCK!" You shouted as you ducked, wait did you say duck? Or did you say fuck?

Looking back up, you saw pieces of egg hanging off the back of Vash's head as you put a hand over your mouth.

Oh noo...

"I'm so sorry-"

You got back up on your feet and leaned over to brush off the egg pieces from the back of Vash's head.

"And I thought today was gonna be a normal morning..." Vash exhaustingly sighed.

Suddenly, you heard a scuffle behind you, chairs moving and things toppling over.

What was going on!

Turning around, you watched as Nai fist fought the customer, chairs flying everywhere as Nai tackled the man into a table.

"HEY HEY KNIVES IS FIGHTING!!" You heard someone scream from the back before the influx of McDonalds workers came running from behind the counter, jumping over or going through the door entrance to aid him.

"GET HIS ASS KNIVES!"

"GET HIM OFF!"

"Oh we're getting sued..."

You couldn't help but just watch on, mouth agape at what just happened in the matter of 1 hour, before looking back at Vash, who kept his place behind the register, covering his face with his hands in embarrassment.

"I'm so so sorry...Honestly, I can give you a free apple pie because of all this..." He apologized, shoulders drooping down.

"Oh um, it's okay, really." You couldn't help but chuckle "Rough morning huh?"

Maybe you should come back another day.

...At least the cashier was cute..

[tsunami-watch]

Outrunning Karma

Main Story: 1 

Summary: V meets Nathan, the beginning of our adventure. 

Ships: (Nathan Bateman x F!V!Reader) 

Word count: 1767

“This could be big for you, don’t fuck it up.” Rogue’s warning rang in V’s mind as she entered the conference room.

The room was monochromatic with minimalist decor, nothing really clueing her in to who this “Nathan Bateman” guy was. No personal effects or awards, just some plant that looked fake in the corner and a geometric table with two chairs. She scans the room, finding nothing of note, just a security panel and a thermostat. She shrugged and sat down in one of the chairs, tapping the table under her fingers. She had gotten from Rouge was that this guy was “Unlike any other corpo.” and that could mean anything. She sighs and leans back in her chair as she looks up at the paneled ceiling, after a brief moment of pretending to play tic-tac-toe with its gridded pattern she’s startled by a low voice.

“Anything interesting up there?” She jumps slightly and turns quickly in her seat about to curse out whoever scared her when she’s face to face with him. She’s surprised by  the man in front of her, not a scrap of visible chrome on him. She starts up her scanner for a habitual scan, but before she can even get a glance at the info, he vanishes from her field of view in the blink of an eye, a sudden gust of wind whipping across her face from the movement. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” Nathan’s voice comes from around the corner. 

V instinctively flexes, Mantis blades springing into action, she takes a defensive stance, anticipating the worst.

“Woah, chill honey. Not gonna hurt you.” Before she could even react, her blades retracted, plates shuffling and closing back to their inactive state.

“What the- How did…?” She felt significantly less chill. 

“So, can we talk or are we gonna keep this back and forth going for a while longer?” Nathan asks. 

“I’m happy to talk, I don’t know why you vanished in the first place.” She stands up straight again and leans on the table, Nathan comes back around the corner.

“Trust me, you don’t want to randomly scan me like that, just might end up another fried corpse in a trash heap if you’re not careful.” Nathan stands in front of her and relaxes slightly. “Now go ahead.” She raises an eyebrow but doesn’t ask anything further as she proceeds to scan him. As she's skimming over his NCPD file she's surprised to see his middle name vanish from the file in real time, glancing back at him it appeared he had been following along her reading. 

"Much better." He mutters

"Hamlet? Really?" She chuckles. 

"We don't talk about it." He crosses his arms with a sigh.

“Noted.” She looks around the room again, trying to figure out what to say next. “So, what's the deal? You’re definitely not like the other CEOs of megacorps, pretty sure most of them don’t even look the mercs who do their dirty work in the eye, much less invite them into their freakishly minimalist space.” Nathan laughs.

“I guess you could say I’m not like the others.” He walks past her and sits down in one of the chairs, gesturing for her to do the same. She sits down, her eyes still trained on him. Rogue wasn’t wrong, he was different from any other corpo she’d ever met, Ditching the expensive restricting suits for a soft waffle-knit white sweater and some dark slacks, his head shaved, and a full well groomed beard. After a longer examination she could tell he didn’t have any optic enhancements either, somehow wiring the typical display functions of cyberoptics to the silver wireframe glasses perched upon his nose, leaving his eyes a natural deep brown, which was almost unnerving, she was so used to the bright artificial colors and slight glow that most had, seeing pure natural eyes, she understood what all those old poets meant by the eyes being the windows to the soul. Nathan gives her a slight smirk, leaning forward in his seat with interest. “Not every day I meet someone who knows nothing about me.” 

“Sorry, don't mean to bruise your ego.” She says leaning back in her chair, keeping a comfortable distance between them. 

“No, No…I quite like it. You have no expectations, you aren’t expecting some genius bullshit that blows your mind. It’s nice, no performance, no need to please or meet some expectation of grandeur.” Nathan also takes the time to examine her more closely. Sure, she was here to do a job for him, but he couldn’t help but enjoy the view. It's not often someone who looks like that waltzes in, toned muscle and soft skin fading into the harsh telltale lines of combat cyberware, fire in her cybernetic eyes. He blinks lazily, taking a second to refocus. “Alright, the gig should be easy enough. I just need you to get something for me, and if necessary, zero the choom who has it.” She’s slightly taken aback in his casual choice of words but nods. 

“Okay, what exactly am I looking for?” She asks, her eyebrow raised slightly. 

 “Long story short, a Braindance. I got drunk at a party and a doll got a BD of a conversation I had, where I gave up some information I shouldn’t have. I can’t have that getting around, top secret shit.” She watches Nathan talk, as much as she was listening to the details of the gig she was amused by the way he talked with his hands, the expressions he makes, she couldn’t help but feel at ease with him, not something she had felt so easily with anyone in a while. Nathan had picked up on that feeling, her body language going from tense and on edge to seemingly relaxed. Her shoulders lowered, her head tilted to the side a bit, ankles crossed in front of her. She had let her guard down just a little bit, the corners of his lips turning up slightly in a smile. “It should be simple, get the BD, by whatever means necessary.”

“Seems easy enough, who am I looking for?” 

It was jarring to have information transferred without seeing the familiar blue flash from the optics of the transmitter. “Amethyst Bronte.” Her NCPD database file didn’t have anything notable to speak of besides a tie to The Mox, which was not unusual for a doll. 

“Sure it’s her? She seems remarkably…unremarkable in her records for an NC citizen.” V did another once over of the squeaky clean file. “Only offense was trespassing…to feed stray cats on private property. This upstanding citizen if NC’s ever known one, snagged a BD of you giving up classified info? Choom-”

Nathan quirked a brow at her, an amused smile tugging at his lips. Another tab appeared in V’s view, the ice blue backdrop and text looking oddly familiar, as she skimmed through the extensive file including images, video, and audio attached that did not seem like they were recorded with the subjects’ knowledge. This file painted a very different picture of Amethyst, a data broker who sold information to corps and gangs alike for the highest offer, the file even included insights into her personal life, broken family, little to no friends to speak of, just trying to keep a roof over her head and food on the table. “Thought you’d know better by now than to judge a BD by its title, choom.”

“Where- The fuck? How did you even get this much information? I know the place this was taken, there’s no cameras-” He silently stared, waiting patiently as realization dawned upon V. “No, no, they’re real? Those fucking, conspiracy theories about Tsunami?”

“Tsunami Watch.” He nodded, leaning back in his chair, expression only describable as with the pride and arrogance of a man who thought himself to be God. Maybe he wasn’t all that different from other corpos after all. “Anyways, you don’t have to worry about all that, just enjoy the extra deets.” Nathan waves dismissively, she doesn't know how to feel about the sharp contrasts of emotion he’s made her feel in the short timespan she’s known him. She shakes it off with a hesitant nod, she needs to focus on the job, get through this and get home. That's what matters. 

“Sounds good, I’ll keep in touch.” V says calmly as she stands up and gets ready to go.

“Oh and V, be careful. You never know who's watching.” 

~ 

It took over a day to track down this Amethyst character even with the additional deets provided, despite having her life in a neat file she posed more of a challenge than V initially expected. When V finally found her, it was in amongst the pounding beats and sweaty bodies of the most popular club in Night City, Riot. As she entered the establishment she was greeted by the familiar sound and sight of Johnny’s engram flickering into existence, leaning against one of the lobby’s brutalist concrete walls.

“You should try taking me somewhere this nice sometime V.” He snarked with his usual tone of arrogance-riddled sarcasm. V rolled her eyes and decided to ignore him, pushing past as he flickered out of view. She decided to observe Amethyst from afar, having spotted her bright purple streaked hair through the crowd, chatting with someone as she moved to the beat. Calculating her next move, V carefully moved to the bar flagging down the bartender, watching out of the corner of her eye as Amethyst approached the opposite end of the bar. Perfect timing. 

“A shot of house tequila, neat, and whatever she’s drinking.” She said tilting her head in the direction of the other woman. The bartender silently nods in acknowledgement, pouring and setting the drink in front of her with the flourish of practiced efficiency before turning to get Amethyst's order. V knocks back the shot, letting the familiar feeling of the burning amber liquid ignite upon her tongue as it slides down her throat. It was only a moment before Amethyst approached, holding her own drink of a dreamy pink and purple hue.

“Thank you for the drink Miss V, I think I have something you’re looking for.” She smiled as she slid what looked to be a metallic cigarette case across the table, motioning for V to open it. V cocks an eyebrow at her before cautiously popping the case open to find a datastick and a handwritten note, a mix of shock and irritation crossing her face as she reads the note.

“You passed. Congrats. -N”

~

Masterlist

Credit: @winniethewife @burymesanti

[ceilingfan5]

🎻you keep asking if your practicing is bothering me but honestly I'm so swept away. play something for me. haha I mean freebird not a like, romantic song, that would be, wild

They smack into each other, literally, like some kind of Hallmark movie. Taako’s got his enormous fluffy cat with the face like a broken human man on a harness leash, and Kravitz was looking at his phone and not the stairs, and luckily they fall off the bottom two and not the top two, because the sun has boiled the pavement and it’s hot enough to fry whatever viscera could’ve erupted from such an impact like sausage and hash at a greasy diner with a stupid name. Waffle Lot of Love. Achin for Bacon. Maybe Kravitz should be worried about how to extricate himself from this situation unscathed, socially or physically, and not thinking of bad diner names. 

Passion for Hashin. No one give him a predatory fried egg loan. 

“Taako!” He manages, after the shit- fuck- sorry he couldn’t hold onto. 

“Kravitz!” Taako gives him a big grimace. There’s a gap between his front teeth, and Kravitz notices it anew every time they run into each other. He’s so pretty. He’s so pretty, and he’s got a cat on a leash, and he’s wearing a purple paisley blouse with billowing wizard sleeves, and booty shorts that Kravitz can assume from experience say something obnoxious on the ass. And flip flops. Okay, maybe one flip flop. The other is on the ground, and his weird cat is sniffing it. “Shit, are you okay, man?”

“Never better,” Kravitz says, struggling deeply. He wasn’t ready for a conversation, let alone one with his hot neighbor with the gap in his teeth and the freckles like a starfield and the long messy hair and the dangly, flashy earrings and the glitter in his dark eyes. “You?”

Taako laughs. 

“I’m here,” Taako says, like it’s kind of a private joke. “Garyl, knock it off.” And he steps down, past Kravitz, to get the other flop. And he leans on the bottom of the stairwell to put it back on. Garyl levels his laser eyes at Kravitz instead, and doesn’t blink for a very, very long moment. Kravitz is sweating, and not just because it is Satan’s Asscrack degrees. 

“I’m glad you’re here.” 

“What, runnin’ into you and shit?” Taako snorts. “I wasn’t looking where I was going, my bad. And Garyl, I mean, look at him. Little man needs his walkies.” 

Garyl sniffs, and curls his tail around himself. 

“I wish I had some cat treats,” Kravitz admits, and not just because he wants Taako to fall in love with him. “It’s not every day you see a cat on a leash.”

“Guess you should open your blinds more often, dude.” Taako snickers. “Or your balcony, even. Taste the sizzling grill of modern day life.”

”Oh, I don’t want to bother people with my practicing!” Kravitz laughs awkwardly. This interaction has gone on much, much longer than he expected, but also now he’s not sure how to leave, and also he’s not sure how to talk to Taako again. He’s run out of excuses a long, long time ago. “I hope it doesn’t annoy you. I got those sound proofing panels, but they’re not cheap, and I think the vents-”

“It’s fine, Krav,” Taako says, leaning on the stairwell again. Garyl yawns so widely Kravitz has to wonder if that many teeth belong in a cat, even a big one. “I like it.” 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Taako nods, slow, chill, easy,. Kravitz imagines ever having any of that kind of energy, and has to come to terms right then and there with the theory that he would not know how to handle it. “You should play something for me. Not like, romantic, like uh, Freebird.”

“Romantic?” Kravitz says, instead of fucking Freebird, are you serious? Maybe he shouldn’t have. He’s stupid though. 

“Not romantic, I said!” Taako looks hot, all flushed in the sun. 

“Oh,” he says, instead of, but why did you bring up romance anyway?

“Cause that would be wild,” Taako adds, looking harried. “Playing me- romance songs through the walls.”

“Yeah, wild,”  Kravitz laughs, so, so incredibly sweaty. “I mean I know a lot of romantic songs, for weddings and stuff, but, I don’t think they’re your style.”

“Yeah?” Taako bends down and picks Garyl up. Garyl seems completely fine with this injustice, and only makes a gentle mrrrp about it. “What is? My style, I mean?”

“Uh,” Kravitz, who will not admit to having a motherfucking Romance My Hot Neighbor Playlist, scrambles. “Yankee Doodle.”

“Fucking Yankee Doodle, dog??” Taako is startled into raucous laughter. “For why?”

“You’d rock a feathered cap,” Kravitz says, dying on the goddamn spot. 

“Fair,” Taako snickers. “Maybe I’ll have to come over and hear you play that shit on your cello sometime. Not have to experience it through the vents.” 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Taako winks. “If you like.”

“I can play better things-” Kravitz starts, desperately undigging this hole. 

“Nah,” Taako says. “I wanna hear it.” 

“Yankee Doodle and Freebird?” Kravitz isn’t here. He’s gotten heat stroke and passed out and died or something. 

“That’s the mix,” Taako says, voice pitched up trying to hold more giggles in. “Add in that Lazy Town song about baking a cake, and you’ve got a hit on your hands.”

“Only the remix version,” Kravitz says gravely, resigning himself to this fate. 

“Obviously.” 

Both of them nod. Garyl yowls. 

“Gotta take my mans potty,” Taako says, as an exit strategy. 

“For sure,” Kravitz says. “I gotta go, find sheet music for Freebird. And make a blood sacrifice to my printer.” 

“I’ll let you go then.” Taako grins at him. Kravitz is melting, just knowing Taako’s looking at him. “Until our concert?” 

“It’s a date?” Kravitz!! No! What have you done!

“Yeah,” Taako decides. “It’s a date.”

[teddy-bear-scribbles]

Obey Me Datables Breakfast HCs

Lucifer-

•He's canonically not a morning person, so he wouldn't have much energy

•He'd make coffee how you like it though

•if you don't drink coffee probably pour some juice for you

•He would be very appreciative if you made him breakfast in bed instead

Mammon-

•He normally doesn't cook breakfast for people, beyond when it's his chore, but for you he'd make an exception!

•He wants to make you a classic breakfast in bed, bacon and eggs

•Got a bedside table so you can eat in bed

•The bacon is a bit salty and extra crunchy, and the egg isn't the best

•He gives you a glass of milk and tells you it's because humans need the stuff in it for their bones to grow

•you're unsure whether or not to tell him human's bones stop growing after a certain age, which you're likely past

Levi-

•He does have some cooking expertise, he wouldn't make it often

•when he does though, it'd probably be something like an omelette with a picture drawn in ketchup on it

•he wouldn't bring it to you in bed but he'd still surprise you with it

•in contrast to what you think, he'd probably draw something more suited to your taste as opposed to something ruri chan themed or anything based on one of his interests

•especially if your interests are nerdy like anime

Satan-

•Makes a slightly more complicated breakfast for you like eggs benedict

•Also brings it to you in bed

•If you're willing he'd probably feed it to you

Asmodeus-

•Despite what you might think he'd put a lot of effort into learning to cook breakfast for you

•He'd make something like a sweet crepe

•He'd spend hours trying to make it perfect and aesthetic for you

•Offers a variety of fruit for you to put on it at your own discretion

•Also a healthy smoothie, probably mainly strawberry

Beelzebub-

•He's not much of a cook, but he learned that humans sometimes make their partners breakfast in bed

•He didn't realize it typically meant cooking it yourself so he probably got akudonalds or something like that

•He thinks sharing food with you is romantic, it's his way of showing his trust and love for you

Belphie-

•Makes fried eggs and slightly burnt toast

•He would improve over time as he continues to do it

•Also gives it to you in bed, sits/lies next to you while you eat as you have casual conversation

Diavolo-

•I think he would be an absolute disaster in the kitchen

•It would be a wreck

•Barbatos does most of the cooking so he never really learned

•Its the thought that counts though, I suppose

•He probably got ambitious and tried to make waffles and french toast

•Barbatos is now teaching him to cook

Barbatos-

•This man is a master chef, it's canon, he could cook a 5 course meal for breakfast

•But realistically? No

•He would covertly learn your preferences and make breakfast suited just for your tastes and dietary needs

•If you have no drink preference, he'd make a different tea each time, so you can continually try new things

•He puts flowers in a vase as decoration

•He uses flower meanings when choosing which to use

•"Peonies represent good fortune, I hope this may inspire as much for you today."

Simeon-

•He'd make his signature pancakes, syrup and butter on the side if you'd like

•His voice is extra raspy in the morning

•also brings you your drink of choice

•If you have no preference, orange juice

Solomon-

•fucking RUN.

•C'mon be serious

•"Good morning MC, I made you breakfast in bed." From Solomon is the start of a horror movie

•I know some people say they'd try his cooking but it's literally canonically lethal and makes demons sick

•You are not built different

•Maybe just, make breakfast in bed for him, instead.

[ask-swansea]

I'll buy you 4 pairs of expensive sneakers if you spill the tea on your past gay experiences

sigh.

I was 17. Had my whole future ahead of me at this point; College to plan for, job ideas to start exploring, a life to start living as I crept up to the big one-eight. Instead, I was the working man of my household. My mom, Maria Hatfield, was pretty sick at this point- Had been since having my sister, Fern. My sister, a good few years younger than me, obviously wasn't the biggest help- nor did I expect her to be. She was just a kid in a bad situation.

But, my birthday was a few months away, and graduation was too. The end of winter was closing up and I'de been pulling doubles all shift when my friend, Elliot Verage, popped by at the end of my shift and invited me out to grab some food. He said I'd been looking too tired and stressed for my own good all week- we saw each other in Calculus and Biology- and he wanted to help me relax. Me and Elliot went way back; We met before middle school, and had been closer than two peas in a pod since. He was one of the few people there, consistently, no matter what was going on in my home life.

I agreed to go; I was hungry, I called home and made sure the family was okay, and we headed off to my favorite restaurant; They sold the BEST, juiciest burgers with cheese, crispy pickles, and the best waffle fries on the north coast. They also gave you candies at the end with your bill; my favorite being the Twix.

Well, we got there and chose a two seated table near the back. He insisted on letting me talk about how everyone in the family was doing- He was great at listening. Pain in the ass sometimes because he loves to tease you, but a great listener and knew when to be serious. And when it came to my family? He was always serious. Sometimes when I was talking it was almost distracting. He had grey eyes; Weird to see on a person. Usually eyes are brown, or black, maybe even blue or green. But his were this grey that you couldn't always help but get lost in. It was damn near embarrassing at times.

At some point he joined in talking. The conversation pivoted as he ate, joked, laughed- From family, to personal lives, future goals, and eventually romance. Neither of us were dating anyone. I'de never found the time and I was a fucking HORRIBLE flirt. He was a little more vague on his reasoning. We're joked about romance alot over the years. I mean, we did everything together! We went out to eat, saw movies, occasionally harbored a sleepover with a little too much close-contact. He was who invited me to prom, seeing as I wasn't going to ask anyone myself. We talked about that; reminiscing? We'de never found it uncomfortable. Letting loose around each other came naturally. But at one point in the conversation, he passingly joked that if I were a woman, he'd have already kissed me.

I have no idea why, I really don't, but I asked why he hadn't yet.

Without missing a BEAT, he leaned across the table, kissed me right on the lips. It was in that moment I realized why he'd never dated; and in that moment that I. Really didn't mind him kissing me. It was weird; growing up, we weren't really taught about "it's not always a boy and a girl", y'know? But in that moment, even if just for a second, everything felt.

Calm.

He pulled away and we stared at each other for a couple seconds in silence. Gauging each others reactions. We're either of us upset? Disgusted? Disagreed? Seeing I wasn't, he grabbed one of my hands from the table and leaned back in.

At the end of that dinner, after a little more (positively) tense conversation, we got the bill. When we got our candies I got a milky way and he got a Twix. I swear, you've never seen someone to proud as he was when he leaned over and handed me the Twix, winked, and thanked me for the 'date'. Guess it was a date in the end though, wasn't it? We ended up going back to my house, arm and arm two mischievous teenage boys, and..Ahem.

We were together for a few months, after that. Then came graduation, and I turned 18. He loved me like a kid loves their special stuffed animal. Feels weird to explain, but it felt raw, pure. We were pretty secretive about it. Didn't need word getting out, to risk my job, or his college applications. He got accepted into college; one halfway across the country at that. And I wasn't about to hold him back. He was smart, not just street wise, but top of the class; a stark difference to my C's and D's. He was headed for great things; always talking about how desperately he wanted to go into veterinarian sciences. Loved animals. Loved nature, at that.

And as much as I'de miss the warmth he brought to my life, that summer, I had to learn to let go. I saw him off to his plane; we ended up breaking up at the airport, mutually. He wasn't sure if he'd be returning to this place any time soon; Years, actually. He said if he ever did, and I was free and him as well, that we could always meet again.

Everything else during that time in life happened shortly after. I never did see Elliot again. I hope, somewhere, he's out there enjoying life fixin' up cats and dogs and all that.

[aladaylessecondblog]

Red Mountain Waffle House, pt. 9

"My lord, a message from Azura."

Archcanon Saryoni looked...strange. Either he was trying not to be sick or he was trying not to laugh.

"Well? What is this message?" Vivec slipped into the godliest voice possible and looked down at his devoted priest.

"Ah...it includes an expletive, so I wrote it down. I should prefer not to speak such profane words in...Your presence, Lord Vivec."

Vivec gestured, took the offered paper, and looked with what he hoped was detached serenity. "You may go. I am not in the least angered at you, for if the messenger is blighted for giving bad news, however can it be turned to our advantage?"

Saryoni left, and Vivec finally unrolled the message, which was both very short and very simple.

To the apostate murderer Vivec

Fuck. You.

He burned it, and watched the ashes drift off. The daedric princes didn't usually bother with things like this. He still got the odd stalkerish message from Molag Bal, but this sort of thing?

What in oblivion did it mean?

He opened Morrowtwitter, intending to do his usual morning scrolling, and nearly broke his phone.

---------------------------------------------------

*The Night Before*

---------------------------------------------------

"This was a terrible idea." Sadara grumbled, and pushed closer to Jiub to stay under the umbrella. "You have all this weed and you can't get a bigger umbrella?"

"Why don't YOU get a bigger umbrella, huh? Cozy up to His Cultiness and see if you can't get us a little more gold, huh? Feel like we could use him as a friend considering Almalexia's body wasn't where I left it. First time a body I tossed just up and vanished."

"Because if I wanted to go into prostitution I'd move to Suran where that shit's legal." And she REALLY didn't want to think about Almalexia right now.

"It's not like you can catch anything off him."

"No diseases, anyway, but probably a hell of a lot of clinging."

You need to relax, Nerevar's voice wafted through her mind, Have a little fun, you know. You can't do much well if you keep being stressed about petty things.

Nearly dying because of your boyfriend isn't petty. The man has no hobbies except spreading plagues and trying to recruit people to worship him.

If you spent even ONE night with him--

I'm not fucking him, Nerevar! How about this, I'll fuck SOMEBODY at the party. Would that make you happy? But you've got to agree to be quiet while I'm here. If people think I'm talking to a voice in my head I'm not getting laid this night...or any other night.

Thankfully, Nerevar agreed.

She wanted a romp anyway. A one night stand. Something that would leave her with a headache, an ache between the legs, and a ripped pair of panties stuffed into her pocket to show for the whole thing. A story to tell for a while about the dangers of being too drunk. There was something exciting about the whole idea--

"What'd ya bring?"

A guy out in front of Greg's house, standing under the porch awning, flicked a cigarette and gestured vaguely.

"Weed," Jiub said, waggling the bag in his other hand, "Let us in."

Inside they found Greg, already well-watered and swaying only slightly. "Hey, hey, you made it! Jiub, great to see you...and uh...Sad...Sada..."

"Sadara."

"Yeah, that. There's a bunch of food in the kitchen, we've got some ashlanders in here that brought a whole roasted kagouti, so if you like kagouti steak or a burger or something you might want to get on that pronto. Ah, we got karaoke, but Jolene's here so you'll have to wrestle him off it if you want a shot."

"Jolene?"

"Big motherfucker. We don't know his name but he shows up now'n then, brings an armful of booze...and only ever sings that 'Jolene' song, so we started calling him that. Kind of a weepy drunk."

Sadara went on ahead, got a kagouti steak, some sujamma, and some ash yam fries which all vanished in a hurry. She grabbed a bottle of flin from a 6 pack somebody opened, poured it into a cup and set off, looking...

...alright, who might I regret the least when I wake up tomorrow morning?

What looked like a gulakhan made a pass at her, but the poor thing was so wobbly she couldn't do anything but decline. She gave him a smile and guided him over to an empty couch. "Have some water, you don't look so good."

He stammered out a thank you and then she turned away.

There's too many people here, Nerevar said in her head, Reminds me of old council soirees.

Yeah, this is how we party now.

She walked looking for anyone she knew, and chatted with one or two of the Waffle House regulars.

"Stupid landlord raised our rent again. We're already renting four to the apartment and we're talking to a fifth guy who's an ash ghoul."

"Thought people didn't want them in around here. Not that I mind, they've always been polite to me."

The Dunmer shrugged. "He can pay a share of rent and only eats corprusmeat. You'd think they'd be messy as all oblivion but they're actually pretty tidy. Like to keep things 'in order.' He actually came in and did our dishes without being asked."

"That checks out," she laughed. "Careful of the ordinators though, no matter how polite they are, they don't care for the ash folk."

"Oh yeah, we already got that down. Cult or not we agree all ordinators are bastards."

There was a laugh, and then the guy saw some friend or the other and headed off to speak to him.

Sadara moved through the crowd, only half-paying attention to the sea of faces around her. Her cup was half-empty and she was strongly considering going to find Jiub and ask what he did with the weed when some imperial woman appeared at her elbow.

"Hey, can you help me out?"

"With what?"

"I want to do a song and Jolene's five times in and showing no signs of stopping."

She'd ask why her, but figured it was because she didn't look too drunk...or maybe that she looked like an easy mark, who knew. She agreed and followed the woman into an upstairs room where she was then unfortunate to get within earshot of this Jolene.

"--flaming locks of auburn hair, with ivory skin and eyes of emerald green--"

Half the room was ignoring him, and half were complaining, but Jolene didn't seem to notice any of it, so consumed with the song as he was. Sadara moved closer, and got a better look at him.

He looked like someone's long-haired dad with delusions of being a rally strider racer, right down to the bandana covering his forehead and tied off in the back. Black leather jacket, jeans, shades, the whole nine yards, as the saying went. The cherry on top, though, was the braided goatee.

Why me? she thought.

Nerevar stirred in the back of her mind, but didn't say a word.

"--and I cannot compete with you...Jolene."

The man was really putting his all into it; Sadara felt bad for walking up to him. He was a little drunk, she guessed, because he didn't notice her until she spoke to him.

"Come on, time to sit down. Let somebody else have a turn."

"Why?" He sounded half-about to cry. "What's the point?"

One of THOSE drunks, she thought ruefully. Well, there wasn't much going on...she wasn't having a lot of luck finding a guy for the night. Maybe if this guy were less focused on whoever he lost he'd do.

"Come on." She grabbed his arm and tugged gently. "You don't look so good, you need to sit down."

Sniffling. Half a sob. Then he looked up at her, and his weepy expression changed in an instant.

"Sure. Sure, why not.."

Jolene let her lead him off to a couch in a back hallway that only seemed to be frequently by people heading to the bathroom at the back. She fetched a bottle of flin and came back to him with two cups, then poured him out a bit. It was only being this close now that she noticed his ring--black and with a boxy setting and a little spike at the top.

"A drink'll serve you better than weeping over it. Or at least it'll put you out of your misery for a few hours."

"Nothing ever helps. I don't get hungover and I don't stop thinking about--about--" Jolene sputtered slightly.

"Well, there's got to be something that'll work," she patted his shoulder. "Get your mind off it. It's not the same thing, but I'm broke as hell and I have a bunch of ways to keep my mind off how much it sucks."

"Such as?"

"Finding literally anything to do that's free. I learned how to make tea from trama root, that's everywhere. The Waffle House I work at's got a nice jukebox...the manager's been teaching me to patch things up better than I was doing. That...none of that will probably help you, though, you look like you've got enough money you don't...don't, uh..." Sadara waved a hand absently. "Cliffracer hunting is fun if you need to burn off some steam. It'll make you some money but you'll probably get a bunch of new scars out of it."

She rolled up one sleeve and gestured to some of the healed-over scars.

"It looks--terrible," Jolene said, his voice halting. "And you did this for drinking money?"

"Oh no, I did it for a living before I got the job at the Waffle House," Sadara shrugged. "When you don't have much you have to take what you can get...and cliffracer plumes sell for well enough to be worth the trip. They're edible, too, so it's easy food...less gold to spend on food and more to spend on healing potions and armor repair. I kept meaning to buy a lute, but..."

"What stopped you?"

"These." she gestured. "Jiub got me the job, and it's not great...pipes get clogged, landlord keeps raising the rent, and we eat sleep for dinner two nights a week, but it's not bad."

"How is that not BAD?" he burst out. "You could do MUCH better. I'm sure you have more opportunities."

"Without qualifications, and not wanting to kowtow to crazy Telvanni...I'm not sure I'd suit for the Redoran, and as for Hlaalu...well I guess I am one, but..."

She shrugged. The flin was making her chatty, she knew she was saying too much, but she couldn't help herself. Jolene was such an easy listener and seemed to be hanging onto her every word.

"But what?"

"But I prefer not to tell people, because then they ask where I'm from, and then I tell them, and I have to hear, 'oh, I know you. Your cousin is the corpsefucker, right?" Sadara shrugged. "So I just tell everyone I don't belong to a Great House. It's easier. People expect less from you anyway. If I said I was house Hlaalu they'd probably think I was an idiot for not...you know..."

"Kissing Imperial ass, it's what they're known for," Jolene said. He finished the rest of his flin in one gulp, then took the bottle and took a long guzzle from it. He handed it back to her, and grumbled slightly. "That's swill, do they not have anything better?"

"It's a party, not a soiree," Sadara shrugged. "It'll get you drunk. Who cares about the quality?"

"I do. I have this thing called standards--"

"You're in the Red Mountain neighborhood, there's no such thing. There's probably a guy in every apartment building making prison wine out of whatever he can get his hands on. And why show up if you're going to insult what they've got on offer?"

"Like I have anything else to do." Jolene sat back, and looked up at the ceiling. "All this time, all these people..."

He started mumbling under his breath and she only caught bits of what he said.

"...have to show for...the point?...know what I'm doing..."

He straightened up once Sadara had finished her own cup and was pouring out another.

Nerevar? she thought.

Yes? The voice in her mind was unusually muted.

Will this guy do?

YES. The enthusiasm was clear, and in an odd way it was contagious.

"You don't seem like you're doing good," Sadara said, "So I was wondering...I came here to get a little...well..."

"Get what?" Jolene, for all his woe over his lost love, whoever it was, seemed completely clueless.

"You know. You want me to scream it in front of everyone?" she gave a slight giggle and leaned in as close as she could manage, considering he was taller than her. "Unless you aren't interested."

"Interested in wh--"

Jolene finally seemed to get it, and tensed straight up.

"You don't...know me," he said slowly, and after a moment, leaned down and said in a quieter voice, "Feeling reckless, are we?"

"Maybe." Sadara gave a grin, and met his eyes directly. "I don't really care who you are, I don't care what you've got - I can't catch it anyway."

They were a hair's breadth away from kissing when the shout came that had ruined many a party in the Red Mountain region neighborhood and would likely ruin many more.

"BONEHEADS!"

Chaos erupted in the hallway, and shrieks aplenty were heard in the rooms nearby. Four people stumbled out of the bathroom, one of then a Dunmer trying to zip up his shorts and the three others screeching about leaving half the moon sugar on the bathroom floor.

"Fucking hells--" Sadara swore, and started to get up. "Figures I'm about to get laid and the ordinators show up. I guess I'll see you at the next o--"

But Jolene was up beside her in a flash and said, "How do you feel about Suran?"

"Suran? What's that got to--"

"I can get us there, there's a Telvanni that runs a portal from near here to there for his drug money. You want to go?"

For only a moment did she think.

"Sure. How're you gonna get us out? And I thought you couldn't teleport from inside the Ghostfence?"

Jolene grinned madly. "The Ghostfence can't stop me."

-------------------------------------------------

Between an invisibility spell and the ordinators getting busy arresting a few people who decided that attempting to run off with the ordinator's guar mounts was an excellent life decision, Sadara and Jolene slipped out without being seen--though the rain didn't stop, even for a moment. The Telvanni he mentioned was only a street over, and it wouldn't take long, she was told.

She insisted on not going too far until she got word back from Jiub--who'd been "taking a walk" with a few other guys and so had early warning of the ordinators pulling up.

You good? Jiub texted back as they were entering said Telvanni's house.

Better than good, she wrote back, as Jolene was negotiating. Going to Suran with some big hunk of a man.

I don't want to hear any details. Just be careful, alright?

Alright. I'll be fine.

"Sadara, let's go. Portal's ready."

She put away her phone, and stepped into a glowing circle on the floor. That looked enough like what she remembered from some of the Mages Guilds back in Cyrodiil.

A single blink.

She opened her eyes.

And right before the two of them was a huge sign with big gaudy flashing neon that said, "WELCOME TO FABULOUS SURAN."

"Well," she said suddenly, "What're we gonna do here? You can't go at me on the street, you know."

"There's a lot more to do here than back there behind the Ghostfence," Jolene said, waving one hand briefly. "Musical theater, magic acts, acrobatics...gambling. There's tours, if you wanted--have you ever seen any stage shows?"

"Well--online." Sadara looked around. The crowds around weren't paying a bit of attention to them. People were in House robes, armor, wearing feathered costumes...and the city, however glittery, seemed so--alive. Not like the Imperial capital, but...somehow MORE. "Just being around here's a treat, though, you don't have to--it's not necessary."

She was going to bang him anyway; she didn't want him to feel like he had to wine and dine her.

"It is ENTIRELY necessary," Jolene added in a grandiose tone. "Now tell me, my lady, where shall we go first?"

[androgynousblackbox]

How To Lose A Lucifer in 10 Days. 8 [Appleradio, radioapple]

Step 8: Become acquainted with him

Charlie looked the hour on her phone again, frowning over her mismatched eyes. Emily didn't seem less concerned at her side. Neither of them had touched much of the waffles that Lucifer had prepared for everyone in the table. He couldn't say he didn't understand it either. Ever since coming to that place, Alastor had always been first at the kitchen, preparing something for himself or his daughters.

"Oh, come on, don't worry so much" said, bringing the syrup. He rubbed the shoulder of Charlie, smiling with what he hoped was a reassuring gesture. "I am sure he is just tired after all that killing from yesterday. All those sinners and then dinner can really have a guy bloated, you know?"

"Is that the case with the Alastor of your world?" asked Charlie, not really convinced. "I don't remember the last time dad went off like that for so long."

"Oh, but that is Alastor we are talking about" tried Lucifer, sitting in front of the girls. "To him all that violence must be like the most relaxing spa day anyone can have. He must just be snorting away on his bed as we speak."

Honestly, he couldn't blame the guy if he was just oversleeping or just really needed some extra time before facing the rest of the day. Both of those would be the least that he could expect from anyone on the situation he was in, that he had no issue admitting was even worse than his. At least he got to be with Lilith during the whole pregnancy with Charlie. He didn't had to live with the potential and very real stress of thinking about having a kid without his partner, and couldn't imagine it either.

"Maybe I should go check on him" suggested Emily, standing up.

"Honey, we should just let him rest" said Lucifer, when suddenly he saw the proverbial red sinner calmly coming in, accompanied by a soft melody that seemed to originate from the air itself around him.

"Good morning, everyone!" Alastor, looking noticeable refreshed up and more relaxed than in the last few days, saw at the table where everyone had their plates full already. "Ah, I overslept it seems!" commented, just when Emily crushed against him and gave him a strong hug.

Lucifer cringed to himself before remembering that no, no, Alastor was way too early for things like that having the potential to do anything for the baby. There was barely a fetus at all that first stage. The fact that he even thought about it almost bothered him as much as the easy soft smile Alastor had for Emily as he patted his head.

"My dear, what is that for?" said, rising an eyebrow. "I just wanted to indulge in my beauty sleep a little longer, that is all. All that excitement of yesterday had me exhausted."

"That is what Lucifer said" Emily sighed, missing the look that Alastor threw to Lucifer as he pretended to be very interested on cutting his own waffles. "We were worried for a second there. You did seem a bit tense yesterday."

"Oh, that must have been the calling of the bed coming early than usual for me. A tired demon is a cranky one, after all" declared Alastor easily, making a flick of his wrist as he went to make his coffee. "Today is a different story. I feel optimistic if nothing else. I had the most marvelous idea last night. Since that stone Vaggie got for Charlie was so effective for what it did" said, throwing a glance to Angel, who threw a flying kiss in his direction as he took selfies with his new phone. Every day the pornstar came around with something new and expensive that the old man that hired him paid for, all for the low low effort of Angel either completely ignoring him while on the same space or insulting him ruthlessly. A dream opportunity he was more than happy to share about if given the chance, "I was thinking, maybe it could serve to our purposes as well? At the very least, it couldn't hurt to try, right? I believe our friend Stolas must know a thing or two about that we could use."

"Oh" said Charlie, both relieved and surprised to see him like that. Lucifer was just confused. She looked over to Vaggie to confirm if she didn't had any more information they could use and when her girlfriend shook her head, she nodded at Alastor. "Sure, I guess I can send him a text and see what he has to say."

"Please do, little fawn" Alastor smiled wider at her until the sides of his eyes crinkled and Charlie couldn't help but to smile back at him, before turning to her phone.

"Ah, my tea. I forgot to make my tea" commented Lucifer, scrambling to get another neutral mug that wasn't the duckie one and putting more water to boil next to where Alastor was. The music around him was still sounding soft and the demon was humming with the melody, unbothered even when Lucifer cleared his throat. From there, they were at a good enough distance for anyone at the table to hear them. "Hey. So. I don't know how to say this in any other way, so I am just going to come out and say it. Are you okay?"

"I am perfectly well, your Majesty" said Alastor with a pleasant tone behind. "Why I wouldn't be?"

Lucifer stared at him like he couldn't believe the audacity. He had no idea if the guy was really a better actor he gave him credit for or what, but if it was the first case then he was more disturbed than impressed. More so because Alastor genuinely seemed more calm now than how he was yesterday, especially after coming back from the Sloth ring.

"Are you actually kidding me?" asked Lucifer.

"Fair enough" Alastor shrugged and turned to him, hands on his back. "I have come to the conclusion that the way we are going about this has not been the most productive it could have been."

"Oh, really?" Lucifer was too surprised by this turn to come out with anything more witty than that.

Alastor nodded.

"Indeed. Seeing as our goals align, I propose a… how do I say it? Cease of fire. I am not saying anything about friends, but how about neutral acquantences who just so happen to live under the same roof and tolerate each other's presence?"

Lucifer looked at him up and down, but wasn't seeing the common tales of some kind of trick coming.

"Is this because of what I did last night?" asked in a lower voice. "Because if so, I was going to help you regardless. Just so we are both clear on that. I don't need you to like me to not want to harm an innocent. I may be the devil, but I like to think I am not a dick like that either."

Alastor cleared his throat, returning to his coffee.

"It's part of it" admitted after a while. "But more than anything, it's a waste of both our times, wouldn't you say?" Finished with the pot, Alastor served himself on his mug and heated it up with his magic. Lucifer saw the liquid bubbling on the surface. "Whatever issue you have with your own Alastor has nothing to do with me. Just like you being here instead of my husband wasn't your choice. I therefore offer a white flag so we can finally concentrate on what matters the most. What do you say, your Highness?"

"Are you high?" asked Lucifer, looking closely at his pupils. Maybe one of the pills of Bel were doing a too good job. "I won't mind if you are, just want to know"

Alastor closed his eyes for a moment, as if conjuring patience.

"No, your Majesty" said finally, keeping the same casual smile he had since coming. "I just had a good night of sleep and an idea. Sometimes that is all you need to face the day with a new perpective."

"Right" Lucifer stared at him, but couldn't find where was the trick, if there was any. After a beat he sighed, scratching his neck. "I mean… sure. I might had a bit of a part in starting with the wrong foot."

"You think?" Alastor casually took a sip of boiling coffee as Lucifer frowned.

"Oh, come on, don't act as if you were completely innocent either!" He blinked. "And how is that a cease of fire?"

"A little bit of banter never harmed anyone" commented Alastor with half a smirk. "I do really meant it, sir. We can both be adults about this until everyone is back where they belong, don't we?"

Lucifer narrowed his eyes. Eventually he just had to let his shoulder fall.

"Sure" sighed, brushing his hair back. "Just acquantances, right?"

Alastor nodded. He let pass a tasteful second as he drank his coffe before talking again, without lifting his eyes from the brown liquid.

"By the way, I might need a recharge of magic sooner than later."

"What, so soon?" Lucifer threw a look to the table, where everyone was trapped on their own conversations, and lowered his voice again. "Why? I thought Bel said that one for week was enough?"

Alastor casually shrugged his shoulders.

"Some rascals came last night trying to attack the hotel and I had to stop them as part of my job."

"They did?" Lucifer frowned, recounting last night. He had stayed scrolling on his phone until he fell asleep with the device still on his hand. "I didn't hear anything."

Alastor smiled indulgently. As if of course he wasn't going to hear anything because of a defiency on his part, but he forgave him for it anyway. The prick.

"I pride myself on my eficiency as the protector of my daughter's hotel, your Majesty. It wouldn't be very responsible of me if I let everyone at the hotel wake up for a minor inconvenience such as that" He took another sip, casually tiping his claws on his red mug. "After dinner works for you?"

Lucifer tilted his head, wondering why he had a nagging sensation there was something else there. Then he looked down to the stomach of the tall demon and felt embarassed for himself. This favor wasn't for Alastor, not even for his Lucifer, but someone else that deserved to at least grow up.

"Fine" said, swallowing. "But you know, you should probably take it easy. I don't mind helping, with that or taking out threats if needed."

"Duly noted. Glad we could reach an agreement" said Alastor with a simple nod, before going to the table and kiss the head of Charlie before taking his seat. The rest of the residents had already gone out to start their respective days. "Any news, little fawn?"

Charlie finished eating the piece of waffle on her mouth and read off her phone.

"Well, Stolas says that the stones are actually called origin stones. Apparently they are made with the soil where papa first fell, which is the reason why they are so rare and powerful."

"Really?" asked Lucifer, as he reunited with them with a new cup of tea. "I never knew that was a thing."

"Stolas says that they were created by the first alchemists who reached hell, once they realized they still couldn't make a philosopher stone."

"Ah, that explains it" said Lucifer. "Alchemists are the worst kind of sinners to talk to. They always try to make you drink their latest experiment."

"Apparently, the less common alchemy became on Earth, so did the stones in hell. The person who gave it to Carmilla in the first place might not know what it was" commented Charlie to her girlfriend.

"I was starting to think that as well" said Vaggie. "They treated it more like it was a expensive novelty and not a reality bending thing. I don't think they would have gave it away so easily if they knew."

"The majority of people wouldn't know in the first place" said Alastor casually. "With something that powerful, other people would have abused it already until there was nothing of that resource left. That could be an advantage for us because means less competition for finding them. It also means less immediate information about them. Your Majesty" said, turning his attention to Lucifer finally, "I know there is an Ars Goetia for practically everything there could be. Isn't there one that could have a talent for finding those stones?

"Mmm" Lucifer racked his mind. He was 80% sure there was at least five of them, but couldn't remember their names off the top of his head. "I am going to have to ask Asmodeus" finally admitted with a sigh. "He is closer to the Goetias than me."

"Could you do that now?" asked Alastor just when Lucifer was drinking his tea. "I would like to talk with my daughters in private for a moment."

"Uh" Lucifer threw a glance to Charlie, sending him a little smile, and he couldn't say no to that. Not that he was planning to vehemently refuse the suggestion anyway. He could understand the concept of a family matter. Maybe Alastor had changed his mind about not telling about the baby and if so, the last thing he wanted was to intrude on that. "Of course."

He took out his phone and walked to the garden, whose doors was at the back of the kitchen. Once he heard the crystal door closing behind the king greeting the embodiment of Lust, Alastor sighed.

"Uh, should I go out too?" Vaggie was half standing up and half sitting, waiting for confirmation.

"You can stay" said Alastor after a moment of silence. "You were going to deduce it anyway later. I would hope so at least" Before Charlie could reprimend him, he continued: "I managed to contact Lucifer last night. My Lucifer."

Charlie audibly gasped, gripping to his arm.

"How?! Is he okay?! How is he doing?! Does he misses us? Are they looking for the stones too? Are they close to find them? How long is he going to take?" Charlie was shaking him with each question, not letting herself breath between them, until Alastor put a hand on top of her. She stared at it and then at him, her question for her papa still spilling out of her eyes.

"He is okay" assured, patting her hand. "He misses all of us. It was actually his idea to look more those stones. Today they should be looking into it on their side. As for how" added, seeing Charlie about to insist, "it was through our contract. There is a clause about how we are connected no matter the realm we are at, so that allowed him to contact me. Unfortunately that also means I can't contact him myself. He has to initiate."

Charlie let out the biggest sigh. Emily wasn't far behind, letting her head hang between her arms. Vaggie frowned for a moment looking at him until suddenly her eye opened up wide. No doubt realizing now with who their Lucifer had the soul contract that this other one had failed to call upon that first night. That plus him talking about a contract instead of just a deal should tip her off.

Alastor would have rather not make her know at all, just like he didn't want to advertise his connection to Lucifer for the rest of hell, but it was already too late for that. That night he should have asked Charlie to take her out of the kitchen. Instead he let his own concern for what still could be a brainwashed husband overrule his precaution.

"Thank goodness" said Emily. "That is amazing news then! We can keep tabs on each other to make sure we are all on the right path."

Alastor nodded.

"Their time luckily moves the same as ours. We agreed he would call me an hour before midnight. You can come to greet him tonight if you want."

Charlie and Emily of course wanted to. Vaggie seemed to assume she wasn't coming, but Charlie insisted she should be able to participate as well and then both of them looked at Alastor, who just shrugged slightly as his response. If Charlie really wanted to include her on things about the family, then he didn't really believe he had a way to disuade her. At least he had already made his husband agree to not mention anything about the baby to them.

The thing right at that moment was to gather news to tell him in the first place. When the Lucifer they were stuck with came back, Alastor had already asked them again to keep the contract and communication between themselves.

"Welp!" announced his presence the king, clapping his hands together. "I did got a contact through Asmodeus that maybe could help us. Does the name Vassago ring any bell for any of you?"

Alastor shook his head. There were more than fifty of those demon royal birds, how was he supposed to remember each one of them? Charlie tapped her chin as she looked at the ceiling.

"I think I may have met him during my royal presentation. He seemed nice, I think?" offered up, shrugging. "I remember him saying that dad was an impressive sinner before meeting papa."

"Ah, so he has working eyes, at least. That is good to know" said Alastor, pleased at the comment as Lucifer rolled his eyes.

"Sure, whatever. I send him a text asking when we can meet and right now he is free, so we can go."

"Oh, oh!" said Emily, perking up as she stand from her chair. "Could you leave me at Stolas's palace on the way there, please? I want to check on his library if I can find something useful too. Maybe contact with one of the alchemist that still live here in hell! We have been texting and he already said he doesn't mind! Six eyes has to be better than just four!"

"That is a good idea, sweetie" said Lucifer, smiling sincerely at her. He knew that he had no connection to her, not the same he had with Charlie already, but the fact that she was a fallen and Charlie considered her a daughter instantly made her more endearing to him. It wasn't difficult to see at all why the other Lucifer had adopted her. "If you find anything useful let us know."

"For sure. Ooh, I need my notebook!" said Emily, dissapearing through her own portal before they could say anything or suggest that she could just conjured it up.

"She prefers the written word" commented Charlie to Lucifer, as if he needed the explanation. "Um, why do we need Vassago specifically, papa?"

"Asmodeus said he was the Goetia you go to find lost things. Technically we didn't lost the stone, but if you bring the one you have he may be able to find where it came from. There is also this guy… Foras?" read Lucifer on his phone, making sure he was getting it right. All those names sounded vaguely familiar, but only vaguely without a beak associated with them. "And then Kimaris. All three can find lost things, but Asmodeus says he gets along with Vassago better so, that is our first option, I guess."

"I am bringing the stone then!" said Charlie, quickly going out to get it from her room as Vaggie sighed, picking up the table.

"And I will stay here taking care of the hotel" commented. "I hope you find it, sir" said to Alastor, who could only nod slightly as he moved to wait near the hallway.

It didn't take long for Charlie and Emily to reunite with them. Lucifer opened up the portal to Stolas's palace and let traspass. He only closed it after Emily was accepted inside, sending them a wave of her hand before dissapearing.

"Asmodeus send the location to Vassago's place" said Lucifer, opening up the point on the map on his phone.

He pressed a finger on top of it and swip beyond the screen, making a new portal in front of them. The palace on the other side was surrounded by tropical looking plants and palm trees. On the entrance, a little imp came to receive them.

"Good morning, your Majesties" greeted with a reverence. "Prince Vassago is waiting for you all. Please, follow me to his office."

They did as told, looking around the place that more was looking like a spa or resort than as an actual house. When they came to the second floor, other Goetias were coming down the stairs and they bowed quickly upon realizing Lucifer was with them. Lucifer realized rather soon that they wanted to chat with them, but one look to Alastor just behind him had them instead murmuring quick greetings as they continue their way.

"Do I want to know?" asked Lucifer, without turning. The sound of bones cracking and breaking as Alastor quickly returned to his normal form told him everything he needed to know regardless. "You know, I am still the king and those pleasanties are to be expected."

"Well, as the consort of my king and father to the princesses, I have decided that I do not care for their pleasanties" said the voice of Alastor, his voice cracking through static less and less. Lucifer wondered how the hell did the other Lucifer deal with involving someone like that on the royal family. "They are a bunch of desperate yes man that would only make us waste more time."

Lucifer was about to reply when he felt the hand of Charlie on his shoulder. He looked up to her and saw her smile gently.

"We are a little tense" said, rubbing his back. "How about we just concentrate on what we came to do? Most royals are used to dad's… character by now, so they won't think too much about it. If anything, it will probably be a way to make it seem like nothing has changed."

"My condolencies for your father" Lucifer expressed, shaking his head.

Alastor huffed behind them.

"Oh, no, it's not like that at all" added Charlie. "Some royals never fully accepted that papa married a sinner anyway. They would sometimes say stuff or try to convince papa to divorce dad. Sometimes to my face" Charlie cringed at the memory and Lucifer's eyes flared up at anyone making his baby girl feel uncomfortable. On top of that, who even thinks to say something like that in front of the child of the couple they wanted to break up? He didn't have to be a fan of the sinner in question to realize how messed up that was. "Ah, but that is just a small minority!" said quickly, reading his face. "Most of them just learned to accept it by now."

"It must have been quite a shock when your father first announce it, though" Lucifer realized, for the first time, he never thought about the logistics of what their union would have implied in this reality.

"Certainly it did. Not that any of us cared for that" said Alastor, preeming himself. "My king stood by his decision and had the power to destroy any insurrection like a insect under his boot. Of everything we went through, I would say that was one of the easiest parts."

"Is that so?" asked Lucifer, incapable of not being a little skeptical. Ever since coming to this other reality, he assumed that something very wrong must have happened to allow such an union or the Lucifer of this dimension was an entirely different person than himself, which was making the less sense the more got to see all other similarities between their realities. All his contacts still had the same phone number, for fuck's sake. So where was the difference? Why did this Lucifer ever wanted to be with this Alastor when he had the entirety of hell to chose from? "I guess I still don't know how you two even got together in the first place."

"Oh, it's the most romantic story ever!" squealed Charlie. "Dad used to tell me that one all the time when I was little" She gasped suddenly, holding her cheek. "I can totally tell you that one now! You never heard of any of them and it will be brand new to you! It's going to be so awesome! Unless you want to do it, dad? He is so good at it."

"And deny my little fawn the pleasure? I wouldn't dare" Alastor winked an eye at her and Charlie giggled.

The little imp that walked in front of them opened up a door at the end of the hallway.

"Your Majesty, his royal consort and the princess of hell, my lord" announced.

Oh, right, that still happened. This time both Lucifer and Alastor groaned, but let the little imp go without much else, lowering his head on the way out.

The so called office was a big studio drapped in red, green and yellows. A tall demon bird rised up from his chair behind a hude desk and approached them, bowing his head.

"It's my deepest honor to recieve you in my home, your Majesties" said the man, straigthen up and smiling up to the radio demon. "Alastor, sir, I heard you had gotten yourself a promotion as the new King Overlord! Congratulations are in order,I suppose! Must be quite the accomplishment after returning to us from death itself. I am correct for assuming you won't want to share the secrets of how that happened?"

"King overwhat?" whispered Lucifer to Charlie and she made a shushing sound, making a hand gesture as if insisting they could talk about it later.

It was the first time he heard about whatever position apparently this Alastor had reached already.

"Not a single word" said Alastor, obviously pleased at being recognized. "Why ruin for everyone the chance to especulate about it? Even life after death needs a bit of mystery to keep being interesting."

"That is very true. With your permission, my lord, I will in fact especulate about it" said, before seeing Lucifer, nodding his head with a smile. "Your Majesty, it's an honor that you would require my services. Although I still don't know what exactly you require of me, I would do my best to help you on whatever predicament you are facing."

Lucifer smiled a little more easily now. Despite being the first time he visited this member of the Goetia, something about his disposition told him that he in fact wanted sincerely to help, not just take advantage of whatever crumb of attention he could get from the king. After more than a millenia on his role, Lucifer had developed a more than keen nose to detect those with good qualities and those who faked them.

"Thank you, Vassago. I believe that one of your especialties is finding lost things, is it not?" asked, making a gesture for Charlie to take out her present from her box.

"Indeed it is" said the prince. "As long there is a clear directive of what we are looking, I can pinpoint it's location in any place of the seven rings."

"That is great!" said Charlie. "Uhm, hi, Vassago, sir."

"Good morning, princess."

"You too! Well, I, I mean, all of us would really super appreciate if you could find us where this stone come from" Charlie took out the stone by the chain attached to it, the white seemingly almost to glow by it's own.

"Oh!" Vassago opened up his eyes, reclining his body to examine it closer. "An origin stone, isn't it? I haven't seen one in so long ago! Although this one has been used already. You just want to know where it came from?"

"If possible, we want to locate others like it" said Alastor, looking at him with a slight tilt of his head that said he wasn't about to share the reason why.

Either understanding that or choosing to not question about it in the first place, Vassago extended his hand to Charlie.

"May I, princess? Thank you" Holding the stone in front of him, Vassago walked over to a huge cauldron on a corner of his office, barely covered by some curtains. "I can give you the last owner of this stone, the location of the bigger portion where it came from or the place where it was made. Which one would you need?"

"The bigger portion" said Lucifer, looking to Alastor for confirmation he agreed.

It didn't seem right for him to take all the shots, not when it was him who needed it the most. The radio demon seemed surprised at this, but nodded his head to give his approval anyway.

"Very well, that can be done" Under the cauldron a blue fire emerged as soon the prince pulled the fabric back, holding them with ropes at the side. Vassago made some gestures in the air. Potions of different colors and ingredients came floating from his shelf down the cauldron. A curiously citrusy smell started to linger in the air as Vassago mixed it all in without touching anything. "I promise I will return this to you exactly as you gave it to me, princess" said to Charlie, letting the stone fall to it with the rest of the chain.

As soon he did that, the dark blue color of the liquid turned into purple. Apparently it needed a couple of seconds to turn the right shade of purple, at least. When it was almost starting to lilac, Vassago took a cup from a top the cauldron and scop just enough to fill half of it. He moved to his desk, where a lamp representing each of the rings of hell in colorful rings. Dumping the content on top of it, Lucifer waited for there to be a short circut or something.

Instead, the liquid got instantly absorved by the lamp. All the rings started to glow even brighter, expanding to show different white spots across them. Two of them were on the Greed ring, another one in Wrath and two in Pride. Some of them were moving ever so slightly, while other were stuck where they were.

"Hah, eureka!" said Vassago, perking up. He made appear a piece of paper and a pen to write it all down. "Since this stone has a common origin, these are all the locations where parts of it have spread. I will write for you each of them. Oh, but I should tell you" said suddenly, pointing to the Greed ring with his pen" one of these is underwater. Do be careful if you re going to go looking for them. All other ones are on land, but I can't tell you about what surrounds them or how easily or difficult it could be to reach them."

Alastor visibly relaxed as Vassago keep writing. Charlie noticed and squeezed his arm, smiling at him. By the way Alastor returned the gesture, Lucifer was reminded that this Charlie did in fact saw the radio demon as her father all her life. It wasn't that he forgot, but it was always a bit of a shock when he saw the obvious evidence of it in front of his eyes. Thinking about any version of him raising his Charlie with him, about the sinner he knew still being able to raise the loving and wonderful young woman he knew, sounded like the start of some joke whose punchline never came.

"It's fine, we will manage" said Lucifer, pushing those ideas away. A different Alastor, a different Lucifer, neither of which had anything to do with him. With the Alastor that was back at his home, that just never would have happened, for sure.

"I don't doubt it, your Majesty" Vassago finishing putting down all the information he considered relevant and gave the paper to Lucifer. "I have one more thing to tell you" said, coming back to the cauldron to pull out the present of Charlie, completely dry and exactly as it was before falling into the concoction. "You can use this to tell you if you are coming close or not to your objective" added, extending a hand to take Charlie's and put the stone on her palm. The lamp on his desk slowly went back to normal, the rings of light seeming to deflate to their default size. "The stone now will want to get back to where it come from. The pull is going to be difficult to miss. Once the two make contact the effect of the potion will wear off, so you can come back if it's necessary."

"Thank you a lot" Charlie sighed, putting the chain around her neck to make she wouldn't miss it. "This really means a lot for us."

"My pleasure to be of service, princess" Vassago smiled to her back and turned to Lucifer. "Anything else I could do for you, your Highness?"

"For now we are good" Lucifer folded the directions and was about to put them on his chest pocket, when Alastor suddenly took it out of his hand to read them himself.

After a brief glance, the red demon put it on his own pocket and Lucifer rolled his eyes with a groan, but let it slide. Vassago tilted his head slightly seeing that little interaction. Lucifer saw the eyes of the bird demon concentrate on the engagement ring of Alastor, no doubt comparing it to the marriage one from Lucifer. He brazed himself for the inevitable questions.

They weren't planning to keep the situation a secret, but it was just easier to not go around explaining it over and over again for every person they involved on it.

"Are you sure, your Majesty?" asked Vassago, his voice becoming gentler. "My magic can help figure out problems of the past and future too, if you ever need it. Some find it really useful to deal with their issues in the present."

Was that his way to try to offer marriage council? Lucifer almost let scape the full blown laughter that he could feel bubbling up inside at the idea. He never even got to the marriage council part with Lilith before it was over!

Somehow, though, he manages to plaster a smile on his face that maybe wasn't even that convincing but whatever.

"No, no, we are fine!" said Lucifer, taking a step back from the friendly demon. "We have everything we need now, thank you."

"As you wish, your Highness" Vassago nodded his head. "Please, let me know if there is anything else that I can do."

"Sure, absolutely. Thank you, that was very kind of you" said Lucifer, making a head gesture for Charlie to get they were going out and she perked, thanking Vassago a lot.

Alastor didn't say anything, but gave a nod of recognition to the bird demon on their way out. Vassago seemed to be content with that reaction as he called for someone to see them out the palace. As soon they traspassed the huge door of the entrace, Lucifer made a portal back to the hotel.

"Well, isn't that something! At last some progress" said the king, drawing a bigger sincere smile, patting he back of Charlie. "We have plenty of options to go through even if any of them fails. Where should we start?"

For the first time since after Charlie's failed birthday, there was no one already cooking breakfast when everyone woke up in the hotel. Charlie seemed the most concerned of all, while the rest just complained briefly or shrugged the little anomaly of while going about starting their day.

Alastor just threw a glance to kitchen and moved past it, going up for his first cup of coffee. Once he had it up to perfection, he hummed for himself as he grabbed the newspaper of that day one of his shadows brought for him and sat down. He read first the obituary, as usual, chuckling when he found a especially funny or painful death listed there.

"Back to cereal, this fucking blows" yawned Angel, bringing his bowl over.

"You using the word blow without a joke attached to it? Are you okay?" commented Husk, snorting when Angel pushed him lazily with one of his lower arms.

"Shut up. A man like me should have something hot, sweet and comfy on the morning, not this" whinned, still eating spoonfuls. After a moment of thinking about it, he added: "You only sorta count."

"Thanks. You could also learn to cook for yourself too."

"Who has the energy for that?" Angel yawned again and lifted an eyebrow to Alastor's direction. "Smiley, did you bother your boyfriend of another dimension or something? Is this how he punish you? Because that is not very nice to the rest of us."

Alastor didn't lift his gaze from what he was looking. Although the static growing before he spoke a word wouldn't have been comforting for most people. Husk felt his fur stand up instinctively.

"I am going to give you two seconds to learn to not make unnecessary comments" said Alastor calmly, taking another sip of his coffee.

"I am just saying. Mess with the only one of us who actually knows how to cook, not very smart. You and Charlie are the only reason he does it so it's a fair question."

"Husk" sighed Alastor and Husk frowned, putting a hand on Angel's shoulder to get him to back off. As Angel huffed, but didn't continue, Alastor was going to get back to the news when he lifted his gaze and realized that Charlie was staring at him. "Yes?"

"Well, did you?" asked the princess, carefully. "I mean, I know that you don't like any of this, and I don't blame you for that either, but he is sorta in a delicate place right now and dad always had a tendency to leave when things get hard so…"

"What exactly do you want to ask, dear?"

"Did you talk to him?" said Charlie, letting her shoulders fall. "Was he fine when you did? Did he gave you any sign that he wasn't?"

Alastor looked at the rest of the table and realized, to his surprise, that everyone was actually expecting an answer out of him. Since when did he became the designated Lucifer expert on this hotel?

"How would I know?" replied, masquering his taken aback with an irritated shrug.

"He always wants to hang around you" pointed out Angel. "When he isn't, he keeps looking around as if expecting to find you like some lost puppy. It's kinda sad and cute at the same time. Come on, man, even you must have noticed."

"This is absurd" declared Alastor, letting that piece of information slide away. Yes, of course he noticed, he wasn't blind. That was the whole reason why that tiny king could notice something was wrong with him in the first place. If it was for him then maybe he could even take it as a compliment. As it was, it was just annoying because he knew damn well none of that had nothing to do with him. It was all for some other Alastor that unfortunately shared his same face. The attention of a king didn't mean much when it was borrowed like that. "For your information, the last time we ever exchanged words, he seemed fine for my extremely limited exposure to the moods of our Highness. If that has changed since then, I wouldn't know."

Charlie sighed, back again to stare at her phone. The text she send to her father remaining unread and unanswered for. Vaggie at her side tried to calm her down, patting her hand over the table.

"I am sure he was just tired, sweetie" she said.

"Frankly, I don't know what is the issue" commented Alastor, handwaving away the concern. "If anything, now this feels like coming back to normal when it comes to this hotel."

Just when he finished his sentence, Lucifer appeared from the Hallway with a face that could have brighten up a whole city by itself.

"MY ALASTOR IS PREGNANT! WE ARE HAVING A BABY!"

Too many things happened all at once. Charlie jumped out on her chair at the loud noise. Husk completely froze with all his hair on his back, neck and shoulders puffed out. Angel started hysterically laughing, which made Niffty to laugh too. Alastor just spit his coffee everywhere in front of him, utterly destroying the mug on his hand in the process.

Lucifer was too excited to notice, running up to Charlie and hug her face before she could even process what happened.

"Sweetie, your other you is going to have another sibling! I am going to be a parent again! Isn't that the best news ever?" cooed, just as slowly everyone else started to catch up.

"Wait, are you serious?" asked Angel.

"The fuck you mean pregnant?" wanted to know Husk, making a face as if the word itself disgusted him when related to any version of Alastor. "Isn't your Alastor a man too? And a sinner? Since when the fuck is that a thing?"

"Magical pregnancy!" said Lucifer, still too happy to mind anything else. "We both wanted it strong enough that it happened! Never understimate a little bit of pure angelic power, I guess!"

"Does that mean they didn't do the nasty for it? That is lame" said Niffty, visibly dissapointed.

Lucifer blushed, but luckily Charlie saved him of recognizing the comment at all by standing up to hug him. Her uncomfortable smile spoke volumes of how out of her element she was. Nevertheless, she recognized that was the happiest she had seen her father in a long while and the last thing she wanted was to squash that.

"That is great, papa" said, patting his back. "I am… glad for you. But uhm… how do you know that?"

"The pregnancy created a link between us!" replied Lucifer, perking up. "I managed to speak with him last night and he told me. It has been tested and everything! Oh, sweetie, I am so happy!" Lucifer sighed big and hugged her again, melting away any residual question that Charlie had just to hug him back.

"Congratulations, short king" said Angel, throwing a chuckle in Alastor's direction.

Only when feeling the attention on him, did Alastor saw the mess he had made with himself and conjured it all away easily. He fixed his suit and cleared his throat, ready to pretend none of that ever happened. Not to his carefully crafted and immaculate front it didn't, and if anyone said it did, they wouldn't soon enough. They must have confused him with another Alastor. One that apparently now was pregnant and therefore part of the pile of things he was never, ever, going to talk again not even under torture.

"Well, that is enough news for me" said, folding his newspaper that was stained with coffee anyway and putting it aside.

He stand up, but stopped when the pieces of his mug came together with golden magic and fused together, leaving no mark behind. Lucifer chuckled from above a bend over Charlie, just in case he had any doubt as to what happened, and he gave him a tired look. If he thought he was about to say thank you, he had another thing coming. It was the least he could after being the responsible for breaking it in the first place anyway. Regardless of whose hands was holding it when it happened.

"That is not the only thing he told me" said Lucifer, holding the hands of Charlie on his own. "We both came to the conclusion that we should just look for a new stone and make another wish to take me back home and get you back your Lucifer. If it was strong magic to do interdimensional travel, then it should be also strong enough to nullify another wish no problem. The only issue is to find it."